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YJs ability to piss people off occasionally backfires (But they’re still gonna do it again)

Imagine YJ pisses off a telepath with a stupid costume so the villain with a habit of telepathically tormenting mfs starts targeting yj by making them hear things they’re afraid of and everyone else’s is like regular run of the mill shit like their family/friends dying or telling them they hate them, sometimes they hear them listing every bad quality they have and every mistake they’ve ever made, they know it’s not still happening but they’ll hear a loved one or a civilian they couldn’t save using their last breath to blame them for their deaths in the middle of the night which is usually followed by the voice that reminds them that ‘they just don’t quite measure up to their peers or predecessors so really, wouldn’t it be for the best if they just disappeared? No one would even notice and if they did, how likely is it that they’d care? What could they possibly be contributing to the world that can’t be done better by someone else?’ And that’s normal for yj but what causes them to lose it is when they start to hear the sound of someone clicking their tongue and humming in disapproval whenever they’re doing something ill advised but they only figure out who fears that sound when Anita loses her shit so they find her and they’re like wtf?? you live like this?? but she’s fucking petrified and muttering to herself

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Yj takes to mocking their mentors behavior after being lectured for being irresponsible and the public’s perception of YJ

Bart is going on about science that no one would understand even if he wasn’t talking at Mach 3 and popping out of no where going ‘flash fact-’ or starting a fight with a villain while eating an entire large pizza

Tim’s whaling on some fucking rogue and dude is 🤏🏾 close to being unconscious and tim goes “😡 now talk” (it doesn’t make it better that the rest of yj is in hysterics)

Anita mimicks the powers of whichever magic user she’s seen or heard most recently unless she gets bored and decides to act out horror movies which just leads to a villain cutting the power but they realize Anita showed up and they’re frantically trying to turn the power back on bc everyone thinks she’s actually possessed

Kon goes full on ‘Fear not, citizen! For I have arrived, a lone kryptonian with naught but justice in his heart’ along with saving one specific reporter first in every disaster (it’s linda and she thinks this is hilarious) he does hero landings and he says all the cheesy hero lines just bc he knows sometimes the medias perception of Clark annoys him (there’s a clip of a fan confessing and Kon goes on about how his only love is justice)

Greta before retirement is saying the lanterns oath before every attack and clowning Tim any chance she gets but Greta after retirement occasionally does crowd control which is just Greta doing finger guns and saying shit like totally tubular and gnarly while leading civilians away from danger or going on long winded rants about planes

Cissie is telling every person she saves that’s at least five years younger than her that she’s adopting them and then paying off some random debt and never speaking to them again or flirting with whichever member of yj is closest/has already taken down their opponent this doesn’t change much when Cissie retires, she just starts filing paperwork to adopt whoever gets second place and she will tell everyone that she’s married to the yj member on the news no matter where she is or what she’s doing

Cassie has a battle axe, a shield, and a lasso and somehow manages to use all three every fight while mimicking Diana’s speech patterns and demolishing anyone that gets a hit on yj (the only thing ww takes offense to is Cassie’s over the top feigned ineptness when it came to technology ‘Suffering Sappho! What is this strange contraption?!’ ‘🤨 my fucking phone??’)

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Whenever the JL starts complaining about YJs public image YJ just straight up gaslights them

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YJ is not allowed on social media

Most capes have like an official hero social bc people just leave comments like ‘captain colds out again no class?? 👀’ instead of flagging down a hero or getting the police to get the nearest hero so most crimes are discovered through viral videos

And yj decides that they need to be on social media so they make ig and tiktok accounts which somehow led to them running a smear campaign against Lex while he was running for president

it’s mostly videos of Cassie in a superman onesie flying around pretending to save damsel in distress!Kon while Bart in an ill fitting bald cap is sitting behind a desk clearly made of cardboard as he mutters about how he’ll show everyone the truth and petting a picture of a cat with drawn on angry eyebrows then the video cuts to Bart way too close to the camera saying ‘A vote for Lex Luthor is a vote against happiness’ then the video ends with Cassie in the same superman onesie with a lightning bolt taped to the front of it claiming ‘this message was endorsed by captain marvel’ [a week later captain marvel makes a posts responding to the video in a captain marvel onesie reaffirming Cassie’s claim]

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Independently YJ are definitely geniuses but you put them within a mile of each other and their collective iq drops to zero

Cissie made the mistake of sending Cassie and Kon to pick up Anita’s birthday cake while she picks up Anita and Greta, Bart, and Tim set up the party decorations Cissie, letting Cassie and Kon in through the window: Did you pick up the cake?

Kon, leaning through the window: Yeah?? We’re not idiots

Cissie, deadpan bc she smells okra: then wtf is that?

Cassie, trying to figure why Cissie’s so stressed rn: Callaloo cake?? That’s what you asked for?? 

Cissie, about to lose it bc that’s in no way what she said: Kahlua cake

Kon, still trying to take Cissie’s temperature despite Cissie smacking his hand away: Yeah?? Callaloo cake, why do you keep repeating it…?

Cissie, in disbelief: No…Kahlua cake

Cassie, opening the box to show Cissie the cake bc they’re not stupid: Yeah?? Callaloo cake

Cissie, showing them a picture: KAHLUA CAKE

Cassie, through sobs: callaloo cake 

Kon, who thought it sounded kind of odd but figured it was a cultural difference that he or Cadmus didn’t understand: 🫢

Greta, trying to figure out where the hell they found someone to put callaloo and frosting on a cake: ???

Tim, who assured them it was in fact callaloo cake bc it sounded right and he was doing six things at the time:  😬

Yj, trying to do damage control (everyone’s yelling and trying to console Anita who’s not upset at all and currently goading Bart into trying the cake)

After that she definitely goes ‘don’t you mean callaloo?’ whenever someone on yj mispronounces anything

“I lost my fucking-!” “You lost your fucking callaloo??” “…Anita…Anita 😐 istg”

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Independently YJ are definitely geniuses but you put them within a mile of each other and their collective iq drops to zero

Cissie made the mistake of sending Cassie and Kon to pick up Anita’s birthday cake while she picks up Anita and Greta, Bart, and Tim set up the party decorations Cissie, letting Cassie and Kon in through the window: Did you pick up the cake?

Kon, leaning through the window: Yeah?? We’re not idiots

Cissie, deadpan bc she smells okra: then wtf is that?

Cassie, trying to figure why Cissie’s so stressed rn: Callaloo cake?? That’s what you asked for?? 

Cissie, about to lose it bc that’s in no way what she said: Kahlua cake

Kon, still trying to take Cissie’s temperature despite Cissie smacking his hand away: Yeah?? Callaloo cake, why do you keep repeating it…?

Cissie, in disbelief: No…Kahlua cake

Cassie, opening the box to show Cissie the cake bc they’re not stupid: Yeah?? Callaloo cake

Cissie, showing them a picture: KAHLUA CAKE

Cassie, through sobs: callaloo cake 

Kon, who thought it sounded kind of odd but figured it was a cultural difference that he or Cadmus didn’t understand: 🫢

Greta, trying to figure out where the hell they found someone to put callaloo and frosting on a cake: ???

Tim, who assured them it was in fact callaloo cake bc it sounded right and he was doing six things at the time:  😬

Yj, trying to do damage control (everyone’s yelling and trying to console Anita who’s not upset at all and currently goading Bart into trying the cake)

After that she definitely goes ‘don’t you mean callaloo?’ whenever someone on yj mispronounces anything

“I lost my fucking-!” “You lost your fucking callaloo??” “…Anita…Anita 😐 istg”

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Everyone in YJ is multilingual (mostly bc they’re nosy)

Everyone on YJ speaks at least 14 languages which is a skill they all use to fuck with the jl and their villains like oh??? We’re having secret conversations??? I would like to be included and everyone’s like wtf why do you speak this fucking random dialect of Russian?? This is Arizona??

They all speak binary for some fucking reason (they’re nerds) Also Kon tells people binary is Tim’s native language which starts a debate on whether it counts as Kons native language)

Diana is swearing in ancient greek under her breathe and Anita laughs before responding in ancient greek so Diana’s time monitoring yj is spent trying to make sure the public knows she did not teach those little miscreants to swear in her native language however she did teach them some technically lethal combat moves which is not better but she thinks it is

Anytime aliens come to metropolis or anywhere else on earth, occasionally Kon shows up and starts speaking to them in their native language so Clark’s like 🤨 …did Cadmus teach you that?? I don’t even know that language and kons so offended bc no?? Bart crashed our fucking spaceship and we were stranded in space for like 8 months…you didn’t notice??? I know their language bc we fucking hitchhiked back to earth (yj also pissed off multiple entire planets of people but 🤷🏾‍♀️) and Batman’s so pissed when Clark complains to him about this bc Tim told him they were doing undercover recon in Eritrea

the jl is trying to translate a threat from the league of assassins while batman is off planet but cissie showed up bc damian was insulting the jl in the leagues dialect and being purposefully unhelpful (he sabotaged the leagues plan like three hours ago and he enjoys making adults feel stupid esp if they’ve tried to baby him) so everyone else is confused when cissie laughs at damians remarks and casually corrects green arrows translation (she also invites damian to blow stuff up with yj which is immediately rejected but he changes his mind when olivers lets them know he can hear them and tries to lecture them)

clark is talking to Diana in kryptonian and he hears a collective gasp of offense from yj and he’s like ?? (Tim followed all the supers around for like a month to teach himself kryptonian and then taught Kon and the rest of yj)

J’onn walked in on Greta and Cassie discussing how to ditch their green lantern in the watchtower break room and snitched immediately bc they finished his secret stash of cookies but he also has inside jokes in martian with them (despite this yj does not listen to him in any capacity)

They all know Interlac (Bart kept cussing in interlac and decided it would be great if yj also did this) but really the rest of the jl is under the impression it’s some fucking code yj made except the speedsters are like Bart ☹️ no spoilers you promised!! and he’s like it’s not even a real language 🤨 didn’t you hear?? Rob made this fucked up cipher and I hate it 😞 it took me like six minutes to learn (they have to let it go when Bart goes oh so you don’t think tims smart enough to create a language on his own?? within earshot of the bats)

Or Anita starts muttering in patois while they’re being lectured by the jl and bart laughs and she’s like 🤨 someone cooked here and I don’t know if I like that 

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Kon is a main character in a early 2000s mmorpg (my proof is I’m delusional)

I don’t have all the facts but I did play maplestory in middle school 😭 pls did anyone else play maplestory as a kid??? Someone else has to see it

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YJ playing never have I ever 

Cissie goes never have I ever been experimented on by the government so Greta, Kon, and Bart put a finger down “Bart?? Hello??” “The futures fucked” “Called it” “Are you good?” “I mean I like pizza and not being stuck in a simulation sooo” “the future doesn’t have pizza??” “I know! Not having pizza is the absolute worst” 

Kon goes never have I ever had a mentor disregard my safety and everyone except Anita, Cassie, and Greta put a finger down “The joys of not having a mentor” “Hal lost it when he found out about last christmas” “Every time Diana realizes we’ve gone off planet she goes nuclear” “middle child, no one’s looking for me in the first place”

Cassie says never have I ever been betrayed by family members (biological or otherwise) so there’s a small argument over whether or not you should have to put a finger down for each betrayal “I’m just saying there’s a lot of speedsters” “I have like nine siblings on a technicality” “Do alternate versions of alleged biological relations count??” “🤓👆🏾AlLeGEd BiOlOgicAl ReLaTIoNs ” “stfu” “Can I add someone else’s alt to my list if they killed me?? Wait, Thad tried to kill me again last week” “Are we counting each person or each betrayal??” “I don’t have enough fingers for that” “fuck, me either” “I don’t have enough fingers for each person much less each time I was betrayed” 

Anita goes never have I ever had a family member attempt or succeed in killing me and everyone puts a finger down “so fuck me ig” “does prime count for us??” “yeah?? we’re family, stupid” “I feel targeted” “me too” “what if it was an accident??” “It still counts”

Tim goes never have I ever had to screw with time to meet family member(s) so Anita and Bart put down a finger “technically I didn’t-“ “you’re a speedster put your mf finger down” “fair” “they were babies, I didn’t meet shit” “they were your parents put your fucking-”

Greta goes never have I ever befriended people that tried to kill me multiple times and Tim and Bart put down a finger “it’s how we bond! This is slander” “Bart we’ve been to like six other timelines and dimensions where Thad kills you” “wait you said friend do I-“ “Pru” “listen that’s different” “Anarky??” “Klarion” “Azrael” “Lynx” “I also tried to kill you” “My fucking finger is down are you happy?” 

Bart goes never have I ever had a family that doesn’t want me around and everyone puts a finger down “look at us! Bonding” “I don’t think I was invited to thanksgiving last year” “ngl they have no idea how old I am” “I was accidentally added to the family group chat” “dude they added you??” 

Tim goes never have I ever had mommy issues resulting in everyone putting a finger down “??” “You do know you’re targeting yourself right??” “Bart put your finger down” “wtf why my mom loves me” “Emotional turmoil bc you can never see her again ergo mommy issues” “eRgO” “stfu” “Kon?? You don’t have a mom??” “My choices are Superman or Lex” “Yikes…” “Put another finger down”

[No one wins especially not the jl that walked in halfway through the game bc yj was having game night in a briefing room and gave absolutely zero notice]

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Cassie, Bart, Tim, & Cissie are writers but Anita, Greta, & Kon are theater kids

Anita, Greta, and Kon being sad theater kids then you have Cassie, Cissie, and Bart being sad writers and then there’s Tim who’s just like that for some reason 

If Tim’s not available, Anita’s the best at espionage and subterfuge. Anita just refuses to do deep covers which is why technically Tim’s the go to for espionage like these maniacs could convince a complete stranger that they were twins and raised together

Tim can write a 57 paged research paper in an hour, he can outwit almost anyone, he can make up an identity on the spot, he can even lie to Batman but creative writing is the bane of his existence which makes no sense to Cassie or Anita and they’re so fucking offended 

“But you’re the most dramatic person we know?” “And you’re telling me you can’t write??” “Writing is hard!” “mf acting is hard???” “Physics is hard wtf…you can’t write???” “Leave me alone” (They’re mostly upset bc he’s a fucking nerd so any fic he writes would be long as hell and what is the team supposed to do during mission briefings?? Listen to the jl?? Not on your fucking life)

They think this means they’re safe bc Tim doesn’t know about fanfic but Cissie knows for a fact that he does (Tim’s a very popular beta writer for hero fics bc he’s so detailed about costumes, powers, allies/dynamics, vehicles & etc of literally every hero, anithero, and villain) but she can’t say shit bc Tim beta’d 23 of her 47 wondergirl x reader fics (they’re all 60k+ fics) 

Bart’s a jack of all trades but he prefers to write like angst and shit so he writes like angst no comfort mind fuckery with characters doing stupid stuff while in danger (the rest of yj is so offended when they find out it’s about all the shit he does alone when they’re too busy)

Kon’s an extreme hater so he just reads Cassie, Anita, & Barts fics and fucking acts them out in the most dramatic way possible like they’re fucking up diplomatic shit in space while a green lantern tries to rephrase everything they say so this planet won’t decide to go to war with earth but Kon secretly taught himself this alien language specifically to recite dialogue from Anita’s third account that she thinks no one knows about and it does not end well (for Kon or intergalactic diplomatic relations)

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YJ being awful at sharing things (mostly bc they’re used to handling things themselves bc there was no one for them to depend on during their childhood)

YJ is great at subterfuge and lying but they keep unnecessary things on a need-to-know basis like their favorite colors so when people are like “why didn’t you tell me?? I can help! I hope you know you can come to me if you need anything” and yj responds like a stray animal being shown affection for the first time “with what?? nothing’s wrong…go away…” but they’re always injured or about to be whether it’s physical or psychological 

Cissie didn’t tell anyone she was allergic to walnuts until Oliver almost killed her at a mandatory family dinner (they also didn’t know she was in the Olympics or dating Kon until they were cornered by reporters in public who wanted to know if Kon was aware she had a relationship with Oliver Queen) (Roy had a very one sided beef with Kon for about three weeks once he saw the interviews)

Yj is outed for smoking when Bart gets caught with weed and the jl (mostly Barry) are lecturing him about the dangers of marijuana and Wally’s yelling bc they thought it was the titans smoking while bart just shrugs and he’s like “I thought you knew, it’s not like we were hiding it” they call a meeting w/ yj but Cissie’s just like “I mean what are you gonna do about it? You’re a couple years too late to be concerned” and behind them, an irritated Kon passes a handful of bills to a smug Anita

Or Tim’s been stabbed for the 5th time this week (and didn’t tell anyone bc he’s Tim) Cassie tries to hand him tequila and Bart looks at them like they’re stupid “he can’t drink that” and dicks in the background “no he can’t bc he’s literally a baby and so are all of you!!” and Anita reaches over to Kon who’s not paying attention and he’s like “yeah, rob got stabbed like an hour ago and didn’t say anything bc he’s a squirrelly little shit” and dick launches himself across the room holding 17 medical packs (he was supposed off planet for the next three months)

Diana hears yj refer to Cassie with they/them pronouns and pulls them aside to ask if they want to change their name (hero and civilian) and why they didn’t feel comfortable sharing their identity with her and Cassie just goes “I didn’t think it was a big deal”

Most people think that Anita’s raising her children so older heroes with make comments about her being too young to be a parent or being irresponsible for being a parent so young along with how it makes them unable to trust her judgment as a hero (Steph once made an offhanded comment about Anita being a real hero for raising twins after she cussed out an older hero) but no one outside of yj learns the truth until dr. fate shows up talking about irreparable damage being done to the timeline (the nearest speedster gets dirty looks despite not being at fault this time)

Yj invites Greta to the watchtower and she meets Constantine who starts going on about her being death-touched, possessed, and rambling about dark magic so he ends up calling the rest of jl dark which is how the jl finds out about Secret years after the fact

Kon casually makes jokes about Lex’s attempts on his life, Lex and Clark attempting to win him over to get one over on each other, Lex or Clark disliking him, his death, and the period of time Kon was homeless which is usually how anyone outside of yj finds out about things going on in his life

The jl loses their shit when they learn how often yj hide each other in their homes when they don’t have anywhere else to go (batman buys trackers in bulk when he finds out Tim has a secret house) 

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The JL finds out Captain Marvels identity and regrets it immensely

JL find out Captain Marvels a child and they start trying to parent him and just being awkward so it’s decided that Captain Marvel will join YJ (Clark started referring to Billy only as ‘son’ and ‘young man’ one time Billy saw an airplane and Clark leaned down and went “That there, son, is called an airplane and it-” “I’ll fucking stab you istg”)

To the public Captain Marvel is just extra supervision for YJ but the hero community knows it’s a way to discretely move Captain Marvel onto a team with people his age and be ‘safer’

But it doesn’t work out the way they want bc Billy’s a chaos gremlin much like YJ so they’re just doing dumb shit in the public eye bc they technically have ‘adult supervision’ (it takes Billy fifteen minutes to convince yj to go against being supervised by green lanterns)

“We’re literally your coworkers??” “I’ve literally never seen you before besides isn’t it illegal for cops to question a minor without their guardian present? 🤨” “Technically, he’s not their coworker bc he’s not in the jl anymore” “Kon” “What? I’m just saying!” “Stfu wait does Marvel even have a guardian??” “He doesn’t”

Anita and Billy are trading magic tips and teaching each other spells they should NOT have access to esp bc they’ve blown up thirteen city blocks and 1/4 of almost every planet they’ve visited with YJ

Cassie and Billy play high stakes games of catch above the earths atmosphere with missiles and shit in their free time and also during missions

Kon and Billy do just plain dumb shit they have no business doing and then playing up the ‘I’m just a baby…and I’m not even really human/I didn’t have a childhood so how would I know that I shouldn’t do that?’ excuse after bankrupting Luthor for the third time this month along with demolishing all of his newly renovated buildings (Which he and Greta repurposed to create low income housing and food pantries)

Cissie invites Marvel to all her Olympic events and he shows up to every single one with an obnoxiously large magical banner

Bart and Billy plan quips, one liners, and trash talk together and everyone hates it bc they only use the good ones on them but villains (along with everyone in their immediate vicinity) are subjected exclusively to shit like “nuh uh” and “make me”

Greta and Billy are taking down shady government operations with zero fucks to give (they had houses built for the people affected but they did also send a very long list of people to the hospital/morgue)

Billy makes Tim a magic skateboard that flies at like Mach 1 with so many magic cameras it’s concerning bc he thinks Tim being unhinged is funny especially it inconveniences or at least stresses out batman

But they’re mostly talking about what lies they’ve told the jl recently so they can plan their lies around each other “I lied to batman yesterday so you gotta back me up” and Tim’s fabricating evidence despite having no other information bc Billy will 100% “Aren’t you a so called ‘ethical’ billionaire? Nonono it’s whatever, I just thought you’d want to look out for the people but-”

And JL tries to lecture Billy about it ‘you should be more mature. I expected better’ and he’s just like ‘why?? I’m baby 🥺 I don’t know any better’ 

And Green Arrow’s so goddamn confused bc ‘Bro?? I’ve watched you do negotiations when Superman’s not available…’ ‘I’m just a little guy’ ‘I’VE WATCHED YOU STOP A WHOLE ASS INVASION IN TEN MINUTES’ ‘little baby man’ ‘But you’re one of the strongest members of the league???’ ‘You do know I couldn’t tie my own shoes like six years ago, right?’ ‘HOW OLD ARE YOU’ ‘Wouldn’t you like to know’

YJ and Billy just do a bunch of petty shit until JL has had enough and they’re like fine whatever it wasn’t a problem before

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I need the jl to discover that Captain Marvel is a menace

Billy gets arrested as Captain Marvel and he’s just a smug menace the whole time despite being on comms with the league “Of course, I understand the seriousness of this situation! I will absolutely comply, I completely understand that you need the code…the code is one-three-one-two. Also, I want my lawyer 😇” which gets leaked to the press both audio and visual which leads to the jl claiming that CM had been impersonated and their only evidence is the stupid ass grin on his face

The jl was investigating the misuse of a magical artifact and discovered that a group of police officers had joined a cult. Before they had the chance to gather the evidence proving those officers guilty but they’d already sealed away the artifact so Marvel suggested getting himself arrested to incriminate them and he was a little too happy about it

Let’s be honest, Billy only gets caught by the police bc he can commit to a bit and he’s pretending to be an ancient magic immortal so why would he run from a regular civilian human?? But on the inside Billy is dry heaving and sobbing bc he knows that the police could never catch him on his worst day even if he was personally broadcasting his location

Speaking of broadcasting isn’t Billy a fucking radio host?? I know he’s a fucking asshole during commercial breaks “This next commercial reminds me of a recent encounter with officer smith who got lost three blocks from his station” and it cuts to a fucking toilet paper commercial (people swear they heard him mutter ‘bc you’re absolute shit at your job’)

Sometimes people will call in to debate his views on the police and he’ll have a three hour philosophical debate but actual cops will call in to argue with him and Billy’s making your mom jokes and playing air horn noises or 2016 vines like a fucking child 

Billy probably gets caught when he graduates high school bc his yearbook quote is like marvels most well known quote “Captain Marvel coast city precinct, interrogation room 5 (Oct 14 XXXX) 3:37-4:31” billy added too much information and it gets flagged by the watchtowers security system so the jl has a meeting about the breach in security and Marvel’s like ‘yeaaahh, that was me mb’ and batman is making disapproving noises bc ‘this is serious, Marvel! high school graduate, William-’ he can’t finish bc Marvel’s gagging dramatically ‘Billy. It’s Billy ohmygod’

batman, on the verge of a breakdown: who is this kid?? Why does he know the time, date, and location of an undercover league operation??

Marvel, avoiding eye contact with Cyborg who helped picked out his outfit for the yearbook photo currently being projected: ahaha about that…

Cyborg, who distinctly remembers telling Billy not to do anything fucking stupid: 😐

(Vic has framed the picture of the ‘oh shit’ look on Billy’s face when superman lunges across the table damn near in hysterics)

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I need the jl to discover that Captain Marvel is a menace

Billy gets arrested as Captain Marvel and he’s just a smug menace the whole time despite being on comms with the league “Of course, I understand the seriousness of this situation! I will absolutely comply, I completely understand that you need the code…the code is 1-3-1-2. Also, I want my lawyer 😇” which gets leaked to the press both audio and visual which leads to the jl claiming that CM had been impersonated and their only evidence is the stupid ass grin on his face

The jl was investigating the misuse of a magical artifact and discovered that a group of police officers had joined a cult. Before they had the chance to gather the evidence proving those officers guilty but they’d already sealed away the artifact so Marvel suggested getting himself arrested to incriminate them and he was a little too happy about it

Let’s be honest, Billy only gets caught by the police bc he can commit to a bit and he’s pretending to be an ancient magic immortal so why would he run from a regular civilian human?? But on the inside Billy is dry heaving and sobbing bc he knows that the police could never catch him on his worst day even if he was personally broadcasting his location

Speaking of broadcasting isn’t Billy a fucking radio host?? I know he’s a fucking asshole during commercial breaks “This next commercial reminds me of a recent encounter with officer smith who got lost three blocks from his station” and it cuts to a fucking toilet paper commercial (people swear they heard him mutter ‘bc you’re absolute shit at your job’)

Sometimes people will call in to debate his views on the police and he’ll have a three hour philosophical debate but actual cops will call in to argue with him and Billy’s making your mom jokes and playing air horn noises or 2016 vines like a fucking child 

Billy probably gets caught when he graduates high school bc his yearbook quote is like marvels most well known quote “Captain Marvel coast city precinct, interrogation room 5 (Oct 14 XXXX) 3:37-4:31” billy added too much information and it gets flagged by the watchtowers security system so the jl has a meeting about the breach in security and Marvel’s like ‘yeaaahh, that was me mb’ and batman is making disapproving noises bc ‘this is serious, Marvel! high school graduate, William-’ he can’t finish bc Marvel’s gagging dramatically ‘Billy. It’s Billy ohmygod’

batman, on the verge of a breakdown: who is this kid?? Why does he know the time, date, and location of an undercover league operation??

Marvel, avoiding eye contact with Cyborg who helped picked out his outfit for the yearbook photo currently being projected: ahaha about that…

Cyborg, who distinctly remembers telling Billy not to do anything fucking stupid: 😐

(Vic has framed the picture of the ‘oh shit’ look on Billy’s face when superman lunges across the table damn near in hysterics)

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YouTuber!Stephanie

Stephanie has a youtube channel (she 100% gives it a name like gotham_after_dark or bat_interpreter) where she follows Batman and mocks him, she definitely also makes content on tiktok and instagram

She’s recording fights with rogues and him interrogating questioning people and doing voice overs in a goofiest growl she can for batman but she also does voices for everyone else (it gets to the point where penguin puts a hit out and is actively trying to expose the youtubers identity bc steph does this terrible whiny british accent when she’s imitating penguin)

She starts her channel right after Bruce fires her from Robin and still does it to this day

Bc if she’s gonna get shit for not being Tim might as well go all the way right?? She’s just doing the opposite of what Tim’s doing or outright copying him depending on which would annoy them the most

Stephanie records batman dangling some guy off a roof for the 37th time this week while going “You said the cheese on the nachos at your restaurant was imported directly from Italy but I saw you…THIS CHEESE IS FROM A GROCERY STORE…in GOTHAM… do you know what batman does to liars??”

Batman’s chasing the joker? Again? Here comes Stephanie with her fucking camera “Joker baby, you know that fight with Cobblepot meant nothing to me” “You know what, Bats? Fight whoever you want!” “Why are you going to Cobblepot’s lair with a grenade launcher? Baby…?” “Well, if the wellbeing of fucking Oswald is sooo important to you, you fucking cheater ☹️ I’m gonna kill him” “HUH” Stephanie’s joker voice is pretty good but she stops when Jason follows her channel after admitting he watches it (however Damian gives zero fucks and edits in his scarily accurate joker impression and will break into Jason’s apartment at random to do his joker impression)

Stephanie’s Duke impression is just her making puns in a bad robot voice and Duke hates it sm bc she’s saying shit like “Don’t signal for backup bc I’m already Signal-ing this ass whooping” “The yellow is the Signal for you to run” “Hey hey hey, night time is when you do this stupid shit rn is Signal Time” “The sun is my Signal to be vigilant-y” “Setting off that alarm should’ve been enough of a Signal for you stop” (Dick made tshirts and Duke refuses to talk to him when he wears them)

You legally have to be a level 79 hater to be a vigilante in gotham so most of Steph’s videos esp after Bruce has pissed her off are just her shitting on batman in a terrible growl “Damn, I’m getting too old for this…my knees hurt so much” “Nightwing thinks he’s funny, asking me if I remember the dust bowl…mf I remember the fucking big bang” “I’m so good at this, I don’t think anyone knows I’m a vampire” “Bruce Wayne owns gotham general and can’t cure Alzheimer’s?? I hate that asshole, I don’t even remember where tf I’m going” “I wanted to be Spider-Man and now I’m this” “Ooh, I’m Batman and I hate fun, happiness, and joy” “Don’t do crime, be like me…perpetually bitchless and breaking kneecaps” “Some people need coffee for a pick me up but I just need to see a purse snatcher piss their pants” “I don’t actually meld into the shadows, I just have Apple Maps and it takes me the long way”

Batman’s fighting or arguing with black mask?  Stephanie has been waiting for this moment so every video with black mask is just her making fun of black mask to the point where there’s barely any batman slander “My real names fucking Roman so I had to go all out with this stupid ass costume…I’m not even a real gothamite, I’m from metropolis” “Sionis…I don’t care… you blew up thirteen hostages” “ITS NOT MY FAULT, OKAY?! Did you know you’re supposed to wash masks? Especially if you wear the same one everyday? Bc I fucking didn’t” “…Sionis…” “THERES MOLD ON MY FACE and this mask smells like ASS” “Everyone knows that, you moron…How do you think I found you? I can smell your stench from damn near two miles away…” “I’m like scary though right??” “No, Sionis, you just have poor hygiene…and issues” “Dammit, I’m like a dollar tree version of two face” “Not quite, what’s lower than that? Dollar tree is too good for you…don’t tell joker but Harvey’s way-”

Stephanie has a two hour video of batman grappling across Gotham just shitting on metropolis and sixty seven minutes of it is just Superman slander in a terrible growl

There’s short clips of cass suddenly disappearing or appearing out of nowhere before and after dismantling someone with the michael myers theme playing in the background (Cass does dramatic flips and landings every time steph records her)

When Bruce complains about the threat to their identities and compromising ongoing missions/investigations, Stephanie (who is purposely trying to piss him off) just looks him dead in eye and goes “Well, you’re not the boss of me sooo” so Tim gives a presentation and shuts down every single argument Bruce makes just to be contrary bc he’s a fucking asshole

Tim only has a problem with it when Stephanie and Damian start working together bc Damian  does concerningly accurate impressions and Damian keeps making Tim sound like a fucking idiot and it’s worse bc he can mimic his speech patterns (“I can’t do this anymore… I’m sad and pasty… Call the fifth robin, you know…the only competent robin…”) 

Like Damian’s repeating one of Tim’s caffeine concoction induced rants about bagels in Tim’s voice while Steph is growling at him to focus in her batman impression

When Tim brings his complaints to Bruce about Stephanie’s youtube account, Bruce cites Tim’s own argument back to him so Tim takes over editing and recording to be an asshole

[hijinxinprogress]

I need Billy thinking he’s so great at hiding things (and he is) no one knows he’s like fucking eight but they are pretty sure he hates like half the league

Like I need Billy getting along with everyone but he’s kinda stiff around flash and Batman but it’s get worse after most of them have revealed their secret ids and the jls so confused

Billy 100% thought Batman had all these fucking gadgets bc he was like some high up government official and then he found out no Batman’s just some rich guy and he’s like god no why is that worse

Batman just doesn’t care (he does 💀 he’s so fucking offended esp bc Marvel used to call him Mr. Batman sir but also bc he thought it’d be easier to get marvels secret id and weaknesses) as long as it doesn’t affect missions but Flash is kinda concerned bc ‘I’m pretty nice to him…does he think I don’t like him?? Did I offend him?? Do speedsters like set off the magic balance or whatever??’ 

They decide to pair up flash, Batman, and Captain Marvel to make sure their issues won’t affect team cohesion so after they’re done rescuing these kids that got involved in some supervillains masterplan Batman and flash are doing the usual spiel of ‘the laws exist for a reason,’ ‘you can trust the police’ and ‘there’s no good reason to turn to crime’

These kids want nothing to do with that shit and they’re trying to edge away while making excuses ‘thank you sm!! But no this is so safe, I know this area so well! We can get home ourselves!’ as soon as Batman starts asking about their parents so captain marvel just grabs Batman and flash and starts flying in the opposite direction ‘do you see that?? No guys seriously look at this cool thing!!’ and Batman’s growling about ‘childish to a degree that’s entirely unprofessional’ and ‘needlessly endangering civilians, civilian children at that-!’ and flash is trying to mediate but batman is shoving documents in his face ‘They were runaways, they don’t have anywhere to go and now they’re on a hitlist’ the ‘you fucking imbecile’ goes unsaid but they all hear it so marvel takes them back to villains lair and grabs a henchman at random and goes ‘This guys a cop…you can check that with your fancy equipment, right??’ and batman checks solely to prove him wrong but that guy is a cop and so are about 60% of the henchmen they took out then marvel goes ‘So they wouldn’t have been safe even if you took them to a hospital or child services’

Before the id reveals there’s a mission where the police are involved and flash mentions something about police protocol and marvel is so concerned bc ‘you’re still undercover? How long have you been under cover dude??’ and flash is confused bc ‘you know I’m not undercover right?? That is my actual real life day job’ and no one believes him when he says marvel shot him the most disgusted look you can imagine and edged away from him 

Batman tries to hold a meeting to address how marvel deals with the police and it goes no where bc marvel is fucking menace and goes ‘don’t you do that too?? And technically I’m also a vigilante sooo’ and batman is scrambling to get the jls attention back like ‘marvel hits cops 62% percent harder than other criminals and is 43% less friendly when interacting with the police in any capacity’ but they don’t care bc they want to know why marvel considers himself a vigilante 

They start letting Marvel be the one to approach children and notice that he’s advising them on how to make food last longer and maintain good hygiene while taking care of themselves and a jl members like hey wtf?? and Marvel says some bullshit about how ‘he’s lived many lives and not all of them were charmed’ and it gets back to cyborg who starts a rumor that he was dracula bc he can’t believe marvel had the balls to look WW in the eyes and lie to her fucking face

[hijinxinprogress]

Cissie’s always on the news but it’s never coverage about her performance during or after an Olympic competition, it’s always about what she’s been doing that the JL sends their protégés to interrogate her so often

So Cissie’s like in the Olympics right?? She most likely has a bunch of fans and paparazzi following her like there’s probably so many videos of Cissie just being grabbed in public by YJ

There’s a video of every time Bart has just scooped Cissie up and dipped spliced together 😭 like she’ll be in the middle of a sentence whether it’s to friends or on a live interview then you blink and she’s fucking gone “Bart istg!! I warned you the next time you messed up my hair…” “Will you still be mad at me if we stop by that restaurant you like in Thailand?” “…You’re so lucky rn”

Kon dropping down from the sky and winking at every camera as he picks Cissie up before flying away. It starts a rumor that they’re dating and Cissie just starts roasting him every time she gets asked about Superboy in an interview “that guy?? He’s still pining over his ex” “He’s cute ig but his cologne ruins it, it’s so terrible” “I can’t deal with the abandonment issues, talk about clingy…” and now there’s a bunch of people that think they’re bitter exes failing to rekindle their relationship esp bc Kon does the same thing when he’s asked about his relationship with the gold medalist Olympic archer Cissie King Jones “She’s always training so she never had time for me” “God, the temper on that one? I feared for my life when we lived together” “she’s so picky, oh my god” “she’s like incapable of being open with her emotions”

Cassie turns it into a game they either try to sneak up on Cissie while people are watching and “discretely” filming as Cassie jokingly shushes someone that’s trying to warn Cissie or does the “guess who it is” thing but they just pick Cissie up and fucking fly away while Cissie’s halfway through a sentence (Cassie thinks it’s hilarious and Cissie is not having it bc “I’ve watched you pick up sidewalks with your bare hands…get your hands off my face rn” “I wear gloves???” “Yeah and they’re fingerless you moron!”)

Tim does an elaborate disguise (he pretended to be a reporter at least twenty-seven times and Cissie hates it bc she still gets shit for accidentally maiming an actual reporter bc Tim would tranquillize her while disguised as a reporter and then grapple away) but now he just grabs her grapples away bc he tranquilized her for movie night once and she tried to murder him but sometimes they reenact dramatic scenes from whatever show/movie or anime they watched last while the rest of yj laughs

Anita just mind controls security and pretends to kidnap her or opens a portal under Cissie that drops her from like a foot in the air “Wanna see a magic trick?” “Get the hell away from me Anita” Cissie will complain every time she sees Anita bc she keeps purposely dropping her “why am I the ONLY person who fell and you portaled the entire team” “Idk maybe you just suck??” Anita has made Cissie do the robot during a live interview and it went viral also bc they’re nerds they reenact anime fights all the time. And somehow despite Anita being the fastest if Anita gets Cissie, they’re usually late bc they stop somewhere in the Caribbean to sit down in a restaurant and get food “You’re literally magic how tf are you late…?” “We definitely didn’t stop to get food” “There’s food HERE! It’s was your idEA!!”

Greta just makes Cissie look like she’s flying mid conversation (there’s a disembodied voice going on about how happy they are that Cissie wants to spend time with them in between laughter) and doesn’t show herself until they’re halfway to wherever their taking her “Cissie, you’re a meta??!” “No, it’s Secret” “ohhh, you want me to this keep a secret? Got it!” “Wait no, I’m not a-!” And Greta’s giggling the entire time but suddenly goes quiet when Cissie tries to get her to say hi and prove that Cissie’s not a meta

But Cissie’s civilian friends are so concerned bc they know her and what nefarious intentions do these costumed menaces have?? What are they going to do to Cissie?? So they start recording Cissie getting ‘kidnapped’ and end up catching the shit Cissie and YJ say to each other out of context:

“Ooh, that’s aioli! It is, I promise! It’ll come out with a little detergent istg” 

“I haven’t seen you in foreverrrrr” “I literally saw you last week” “that’s soo longggggg”

“We’re gonna have a long talk about your eating habits…!” “Yeah, okay, mom…Why don’t we have a long talk about your cologne? How do you have enhanced senses and still make awful olfactory choices…?”

“I’m gonna vomit…what the hell are you wearing?? Axe??” “Don’t even! you know damn well-”

“Don’t pretend you can flirt, you’ve been single since birth” “you’re a very angry person and you should see someone about that”

“Cissie babe, guess whooooo~?” “Get your hands off my fucking-!”

“If you stop screaming, I’ll buy you a milkshake!” “STOP KIDNAPPING ME IN THE MIDDLE OF INTERVIEWS!”

“Wdym?? I know it’s you I smell that nasty ass concoction…If you don’t take off that stupid ass disguise, you fuCKING-!!”

“If you tranq me one more fucking time, Robin, you’re getting an arrow in the ass!” “Is that really how you should talk to someone who’s saved your ass so many times?”

“Constantine, get better at fucking aiming!” “…Constantine?! I should drop you in a fucking volcano!”

“Oops…” “mf 😑 you did that shit on purpose” “What are you a lawyer?? Fucking prove it”

[Usually there’s an exasperated green lantern trying to do damage control and failing to chastise YJ “Nononono! Put the civilian down we talked about this! You need proof and evidence, this is an abduction!” “They know each other istg Ms. King Jones is fine, she’s perfectly safe” as the cameraman slowly turns the camera to Cissie free falling from 90ft in the air and screaming]