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how to get a girl

1. ask her in marriage.

2. get rejected.

3. disappear from her life for ten years, during which you 1) legally change your name and 2) become a full-on millionnaire (by questionable means).

4. buy a mansion on the other side of the bay where she lives. bonus : stares dramatically at the green light coming from the end of her dock and thinks about the way we all beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

5. befriend your neighbor Nick (who happens to be the girl’s cousin) (and a raging bisexual).

6. ask your new friend Nick to organize a meeting between you and the girl.

7. get her attention over dinner by being insufferable and acting like a jerk. 

8. when you feel confident enough, ask her to choose between you and her new husband. remember to do this IN FRONT of said husband, so he gets who’s the boss. hopefully she’ll say yes.

9. when y’all decide to run away together, let her take the wheel. she’s a good driver.

8. take the blame when she accidentally commits vehicular manslaughter.

9. get savagely murdered by the victim’s husband (to be fair, he legitimately thinks that you ran over his wife with your car).

10. that’s it.

11. you’re dead now.

12. you didn’t get the girl.

13. no one comes to your funeral, except your new friend Nick, who grew weirdly attached to you during the whole process and now thinks, for some reason, that you’re the greatest guy he ever met.

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this is the best gif set I’ve seen for a while

Pendragon Siblings™

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current mood.

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(some) Harry Potter characters’ sexualities

Just my personal headcanons; you don’t have to agree or disagree :)

Harry: bisexual (duh). I mean we all talk about his crush on Draco or Cedric or Krum but remember Bill?? Love at first sight

Ron: straight but like … he had gay thoughts for Krum

Hermione: straight again, but obviously an ally

Ginny: bisexual again! She’s in love with Luna

Luna: lesbian, crushing on her soul mate Ginny

Neville: demisexual and straight, what a little bean

Draco: gay. GAY

Pansy: lesbian, again

Dean: bisexual. In fact, all characters named Dean are bisexual. This is a fact

Seamus: gay, especially for Dean. Canon

Parvati: lesbian, obviously, is this even a question. Dating Lavs

Lavender: pansexual, dating her gf Parvati and loving it

Charlie: asexual + aromantic. Likes dragons more than people

Lee Jordan: pansexual. Made out with both Weasley twins to spite Umbridge

James (older): straight. Married to the love of his life

Lily (older): also straight, married to the love of her life

Remus: bisexual, because he’s precious and it’s real

Sirius: gay. GAYEST. in love with his bf Remus

Tonks: lesbian, because that hetero ship was forced as frick

Albus (Potter): gay, and Scorpius is his soul mate

Scorpius: bisexual (??) in love with Al either way

Teddy: panromantic + asexual + genderfluid, has cool hair

Victoire: pansexual, loves her datemate Teddy very much

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fun fact : i’ve been looking at this drawing for nearly half an hour. still can’t get over how soft and beautiful they are.

Luna and Ginny, but in the Strawberry dresses 🥰🍓

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str8 ppl be going hunting and fishing and climbing but they’ll never be able to replicate the rush of adrenaline we used to get when homosexuality was brought up during family dinners.

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meeting your friends’ abusive parents irl is so weird

you have to look all polite and shit even though all you want to do is yell at them. like yeah Susan your cookies are good but did you know that your daughter keeps having anxiety attacks because of you and your husband’s unrealistic expectations about her future? did you? yeah, that’s what I thought. this lemonade is delicious by the way, did you make it yourself?

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so,,,,, is it technically possible to fall in love with someone who died over half a century ago? just asking for a friend.

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hot take but Orlando (1928) was basically just Virginia Woolf ranting about how pretty her girlfriend’s legs were.

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I still can’t get over how legendary Virginia Woolf was. the woman just unapologetically made her book’s main character genderfluid? and went off dedicating it to her gay lover? in the nineteen-fucking-twenties?

what a goddess.

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bitches be getting emotionally invested in a tv show, project their suppressed feelings on the main characters, watch the five seasons in the span of two days and have a mental breakdown when the series finale doesn't fully match their expectations, being left with a feeling of void as they slowly reconnect with the outer world.

it's me. i'm bitches.

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No one :

Absolutely no one :

Not a single soul :

Gaius : iNdEeD SiRe

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so tell me, honey are you still alive, somewhere in this broken world?

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Gwen : *sigh* Morgana is so pretty...

Arthur : aw, don't feel like that, Guinevere, you're pretty too.

Gwen : I'm not jealous, Arthur. I'm gay.

Arthur : what

Merlin : yeah same.

Arthur : WHAT

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Merlin episode 4x09

Arthur : come on, Guinevere, stand up. am I just your king? don't we love each other, you and I? let's forget my statut and deal with this like two equals.

Gwen : ok good. so, I made out with Lancelot...

Arthur : BY VIRTUE OF THE POWERS CONFERRED ON ME BY UTHER PENDRAGON, I SENTENCE YOU--