incorrect-gotham

[incorrect-gotham]

Incorrect Be Gay Do Crimes chats

——————————

Harley: Ya know, I actually don’t remember the last time I took myself in a date.

Ivy: what? But that’s such an important part of self care love!

Harley: I know, I just never had time for myself with Mr. J.

That evening

Harley: Hiya honey I’m……. Home?

Harley: why are all the lights off? And why is there candles everywhere? This is a fire hazard Iv.

Ivy: Welcome to Harley Quinn’s self date night! I have a bath drawn for you in the big tub, dinner is almost done, it’ll be set up for you with a nice rosé when you get out, your favorite movie is in the DVD player, and I will be going to Selina’s for the night, you have a wonderful night darling.

Harley: trying not to cry

Harley: whispering thank you

——————————

Riddler: I shrink but never grow, My life can be measured in hours, I serve by being devoured; Thin, I am quick; Fat, I a slow; Wind is my foe. What am I?

Batman: Candle. You gave me that one last week, are you ok Ed?

Riddler: I don’t know, I’m tired. Not of life or anything, I just haven’t been able to sleep for the past few days.

Batman: do you need insomnia medication? I can get you some if you need me too.

Riddler: you would really do that for me?

Batman: of course, I’m here to help people, that means you too

——————————

Joker: Well if it isn’t my Harley Quinn

Ivy: She isn’t your anything

Joker: I made her who she is

Selina: she made herself who she is, you better stay away unless you want all the female villains and goons after your ass.

Joker: what are they gonna do, bore me to death with a speech about feminism?

Female joker goon: punches the joker and knocks him out

Female joker goon: no, we will do that. Any of you ladies looking for some more manpower? No way in hell I’m staying with that asshole.

Harley: Welcome to the team, we have pockets!!!

——————————

[incorrect-gotham]

Incorrect quotes from Wayne manor

——————————

Dick: how many cups of coffee have you had today?

Tim: pouring another cup

Tim: not enough.

Jason: that’s his tenth cup today.

Dick: it’s only 8 am!!!!!!!!

——————————

Bruce: staring at a bullet in the wall

Bruce: anyone want to explain?

Jason: it wasn’t me this time I swear!

Dick: it was me.

Bruce: no it wasn’t, who did it?

Tim: we all know it was Jason, it always Jason.

Jason: it wasn’t me!

Dick: it was me, I did it, I’ll fix it.

Bruce: no it wasn’t. Who did it?

Jason:…………

Jason: Damian is being awfully quiet.

Damian: REALLY TODD, TOU WANT TO GO THERE?!?

Chaos ensues

Bruce, in a cut scene: it was me, I did it, I was getting rid of Jason’s guns as a punishment and didn’t realize the safety was off on one.

——————————

Kon, visiting Tim: Wow Mr. Alfred, this food is absolutely amazing as always!

Alfred: thank you master Connor.

Tim: why exactly do you always complement Alfred like ten times more than the rest of us?

Kon: I just like being polite is all.

Two hour later

Tim: walking into the room Kon is staying in

Tim: Hey Kon, I found your wal-

Tim: YOU ASSHOLE THATS WHY YOU WERE SUCK A SUCKUP!!!!!!

Kon: freezes with one of Alfred’s cookies halfway to his mouth and a plate of them in his lap

Kon: Wait, Tim, I can explain!!!!

——————————