mcuincorrectlexi - Tumblr blog

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Sam: *drops one fry from a full cartoon of fries*

Sam: Nooooo…… Dangit Parker!

Steve: what did Peter do?

Sam: I don’t know how, but somehow this is all Parker’s fault.

Bucky: exactly

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Bucky, making chicken and dumpling soup, dropping a dumpling in the floor: This is sadder then the time I fell off the train.

Steve, choking on his coffee: Excuse me??

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Steve: Wehave to get to the hospital, and we have to get there fast.

Natasha: Then I should drive.

Sam: Why you?

Natasha: I have nothing to live for, and I drive like it.

Steve: okay, let’s do it.

[cut to]

Everyone in the Car: *screaming*

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This is better

Peter: *comes home at 2am*

Tony: where were you?

Peter: with cap

Cap: *turns in his chair* want to try again?

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Peter: I want to be a caterpillar

Stephan: explain?

Peter: eat a lot, sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful

Stephan: you know they only have a lifespan if like two weeks right?

Peter: that’s another highlight

Tony: pETER NO-

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DOCTOR STANGE TRAILER IS OUTTTT THOUGHTS??? (I AM FREAKING OUT TO BE CLEAR)

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Steve: hey Tony I never asked, how many kids do you have?

Tony: biologically, emotionally, or legally?

Steve:

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peter: mr stark, your bleeding out a lot and are going to need a transfusion. whats your blood type?

tony: ...b positive...

peter [panicking]: im trying mr stark but your bleeding alot

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Peter: im just a regular kid who got bitten by a spider and now fury putting his trust in me to save the world and i don't know if im capable??

Thor, nodding understandingly: [slowley hands peter mjolnir]

Peter, taking it without thinking: and im worried that-

Peter:

Peter: wait,

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Mj: why is there always a law against what I want to do?

Peter: well that’s why you have me.

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Loki: remember when I said you were too friendly, spiderling?

Peter: *making a cup of tea* I'm not.

Burglar: two sugars, please.

Loki: this is what I meant.

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Bucky, writing in his diary: day 183. I'm stuck in side what appears to be the "soul realm", surrounded by creatures of all sorts of species, the likes of which I've never seen before. After months of thorough observation, i have concluded that-

Peter: *to the tune of final countdown* IT'S A MENTAL BREAKDOWN

Shuri: *off key kazoo*

Bucky:

Bucky: -there is no intelligent life here.

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Peter: not you

Cap: ???

Carol: sup losers

Peter: *comes home at 2am*

Tony: where were you?

Peter: with cap

Cap: *turns in his chair* want to try again?

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Peter: *comes home at 2am*

Tony: where were you?

Peter: with cap

Cap: *turns in his chair* want to try again?

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peter, on 17 different types of energy drinks at 3am: I am fire. i am embers. i am DEATH.

tony: a f***ing nightmare is what you are.

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[peter and Y/N are best friends]

Y/N: pick a card, any card

Peter, sick of y/n practicing on him: fine

Peter: *looks at cards, looks down at the table with y/n wallet*

*opens wallet*

Y/N: wait what are you-

Peter: *selects credit card*

Y/N: wait that’s my!-

Peter: you did say any card

Y/n:

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Y/N: Bucky and I were walking down the street when this guy drove by and honked at me

Steve: *sighing* and what did Bucky do?

Y/N: he chased the guy to the next red light and then he reached in and-

Bucky: *walking into the room* who wants a steering wheel??!