neurotichunter

[neurotichunter]

My problem: I have never figured out the game we all are apparently playing. The rules change constantly. Everybody seems to be playing a different game, but I'm the only one losing. If I figure out how to change the way I'm playing, people get upset with me. I can learn the rules, but never in a way that they actually apply if I play by them. And sometimes I'm playing cards because we were playing cards and suddenly people look at me and ask why I'm holding cards, we've been playing chess all along.

[neurotichunter]

Honestly I just want to feel loved without feeling like I'm begging for it. Having a good heart has done nothing but make me look stupid.

[neurotichunter]

And here I present to you, in a nutshell, why the whole spirituality thing doesn't work for me. I want the muffin wrapper. I'm not a stupid but happy dog that forgets that the wrapper exists. My brain fixates on things. If it wants something, it wants it. That's how The Brain™️ works. I don't know how many people have told me similar things, that I'm unhappy because I can't let go, but... I can't forget the wrapper just because I don't see it anymore. Nice for y'all that you've got Labrador brains, but mine doesn't work that way.

My dog's really a study in Buddhism. He can see my muffin wrapper and he's miserable. Crying. He needs to eat my muffin wrapper so bad.

I get up and throw it away. He forgets about it immediately and happily goes to sleep.

You are not sad because you do not have a muffin wrapper, my beautiful boy, you are sad because you want the muffin wrapper.

[neurotichunter]

like just very frankly this whole idea that misogyny is a result of young boys being exposed to porn on the internet is ridiculous and it is fucking embarrassing how many people who claim to have materialist politics still parrot it. do you think that guy grew up to be a misogynist because of xhamster or do you think watching the way his father treated his mother and being increasingly materially rewarded for going along with the disenfranchisement of women and living in an economic system which functions off of the abuse of women and the heavily gendered exploitation of labor had anything to do with it

[neurotichunter]

When my mom turned 60, she said: "If I'm lucky, I get to experience summer 20 more times." Same energy.

[neurotichunter]

I've said it and I'll say it again: Saving the planet is not disabled peoples' task or duty! There are literally millions of people living comfortably and still destroying the planet because they just don't care. So if you care but still can't help it, please use the wet wipes to clean yourself and throw them away, use straws, use single-use dishes if you need to. Every day life is a burden for us and saving the planet shouldn't be added to it especially if other people don't care.

Yall I hate to break it to you but sometimes disability isn’t the most eco-friendly sustainable practices 100% ethically sourced thing.

I have no idea where the metal in my leg is from. Or where all of the surgical instruments or medications i’ve taken are from.

I can guarantee the knee brace I rely on, my cane, my (future) wheelchair, etc aren’t made in the best ways either.

I use single-use things. KT tape for my joints, individually packaged things, etc. I would love to use something more sustainable but that’s not an option for me.

In an ideal world some of this stuff could be better (like sourcing materials in a more ethical way), but some stuff wouldn’t change (needing single use products). Stop holding disabled folks to impossibly high standards, especially ones that majority of ableds can’t even live up to.

[neurotichunter]

insta bitches will be dealt w

i am so close to losing my shit holy fuck if i see another motherfucker on instagram saying they can heal chronic pain with the "power of the subconscious mind" i am gonna flip a table.

and whenever i see a reel like that i go to their bio and 99% of the time they have some exclusive membership and paywalled course you can sign up for.

i just need them to know that profiting off of the hopes of chronically sick people is beyond disgusting and YOU WILL be dealt with. like this is so not okay. stop preying on chronically ill people we are not ur fodder. please fuck off and leave us alone for gods sake.

you are doing THE OPPOSITE of helping and instead are spreading ableist propaganda.

[neurotichunter]

they should invent activities for sleepy people with no energy

[neurotichunter]

I don't have red flags, I have no-gos.

[neurotichunter]

"What's your workout routine?"

Uhm, like, getting out of bed? Feed the cat? Getting to the couch without fainting? Staying awake for more than 4 hours? Doing laundry? Taking a shower? Going to bed having survived another day? Yeah. Something like this.

[neurotichunter]

Autistic brain really is like, "you have to overexplain so there is absolutely zero chance for misinterpretation"

[neurotichunter]

People be like "Uuuugggghhhhh, tomorrow is Monday, I have to go to work, I hate work, my boss sucks, I need a vacation, can't wait for the weekend!"

And then tell you to get a job "because it's good for you! Just a few hours to make you feel better about yourself, so that you can get outside for a few hours, you know."

[neurotichunter]

showering:

pros: you get to feel clean. you get non greasy hair, non oily feeling skin, it just in general makes you feel better, more energised, refreshed.

cons: there are so many steps. oh my god are there so many steps. before getting into the shower there are steps. during the shower there are steps. and once youve gotten out of the shower? guess what!!! more fucking steps!!!!!!!! UGHHHH

[neurotichunter]

That's one of the truly terrible things about being alone.

You know you're not anyone's favourite. And most days, you realise you're not even your own.

-si

[neurotichunter]

"You need to be nice to people."

No. Fuck you.

(Legal disclaimer: I've always been nice to people, but I've reached my limit. People need to start being nice to me. That would be nice for a change.)

[neurotichunter]

Do you have a kofi account?

No, I'm afraid not 😥 (*whispers* I don't even know what that is...)

[neurotichunter]

"What radicalized you?"

Maybe living in a system where I barely get by, living on 900 Euro "emergency aid", because neither my chronic illness nor my disability are recognised by any government agencies, while paying 500 Euro for a damp basement flat because I can't afford anything else and I can't afford moving either and trying to balance my life somewhere between not buying some hair spray because I have to pay off veterinary bills because my cat got so sick that he almost died and I can hardly afford to keep him alive, and saving money for an occasional treat. And maybe that today when I went to a kebab place around the corner to get some french fries from money I had saved over a couple of weeks, a man came into the shop who was visibly sleeping rough and he had a hand full of change and was frantically counting his coins and I could see it were only 10 and 20 cent coins and so I gave him the 5 Euros I had saved and payed my own food with my credit card that I'm only supposed to use for emergencies and where I know that I will be missing these 5 Euros next month. You know, maybe the fact that I can't get that man's face out of my mind, the complete change in his expression when he realised he can now afford to buy a kebab. Or maybe the fact that I'm writing this while bawling my eyes out because I couldn't do more. I'm helpless. I see the world being a miserable place for so many people and I can't do anything. Except for sparing 5 euros and choking on my tears while going home. All while other people have it all. Yeah, I'd say that's pretty much it.