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This helps me not to give up...

Thank you for this beautiful song, for these beautiful memories.

I try to keep walking on my way, to a place which is nice, full of light and full of hope

[Maze] by Kim JaeJoong

駆け抜けろ! 光に満ちてる　希望 溢れる場所 Kakenukero! Hikari ni michiteru kibou afureru basho Running forward! To a place of light overflowing with hope 強い風をきって Tsuyoi kaze wo kitte. Through the strong wind 壊れかけてたいつかの夢を　拾い集めながら Kowarekaketa itsuka no yume wo hiroi atsumenagara Gathering up the pieces of my broken dream 信じる道を　走り続けよう Shinjiru michi wo hashiri tsudzuke yo I will keep running down the path I believe in

Oh　僕らしく　生きてゆく為 Oh, bokurashiku ikiteyuku tame Oh, to live true to myself 

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It matters what YOU think

I always thought thoughts or ideas I had, happy/sad stuff I experienced only mattered if I shared it with “friends” or just...anyone. I try to get away from social media and appreciate my own thoughts and ideas. They matter. And they do not matter bc someone else heard them and praised them. They matter, because I acknowledge and appreciate them myself.

That’s all for today www 

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Please take a look at this. Simply respect people, no matter what they identify with, no matter what skin color, beliefs or interests etc they have. If there is a chance to help someone or at least the option to either be an asshole or a nice person towards other human beings then....choose the positive option. Everyone is going through their own struggles

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Out of my system

Our mind works like a computer, what we program into it is what we get. If we keep telling ourselves we are shitty, unloved, untalented, then thats what the system sves as standards so it’s very hard to “reset” the system BUT it’s possible. I had an issue at work - I work at a japanese restaurant where there is like almost nobody speaking German (my native language) and my japanese is not fluent in any way yet... - and now I keep blaming myself for disappointing the supervisor who is a really nice guy and who has now trouble organizing stuff since I had to cut down my working hours suddenly. But honestly, I want to tell mysystem that it is NOT MY FAULT Yes, it was my desicion, but I cannot decide over the sudden change, over the time I have to leave there or work less. I wish I could make it more pleasant for them, easier for them, but it’s something I cannot influence. Also, feeling bad, thinking I’m a bad co-worker, thinking the supervisor is mad just at me (not the situation) will not help one bit. It will only make me feel worse. Therefore, what I think now is. Yes, it is a difficult situation and a sudden change, but it is the supervisors task to handle this. If the boss is alright with it and if I have no chance but take the full-time job somewhere else then that’s how it is. I apologized, I was understanding and I tried to explain myself (in japanese) as good as I possibly could. 

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How to get started Get rid of anxiety

Before exploring the world, the universe of dreams yo should understand whats going on inside you - in your “subconcious” mind.

Have you noticed that you are much stronger and happier when mind, body and soul work together? It’s not just a saying, it’s true - at least if you want to believe in it. I do! Therefore, it is important to be “friends” with your subconcious.

It’s like exploring a foreign territory! And your subconcious is the guide. So better get on good terms with it, right? It can always help you, even in waking life. It speaks to each of us, but mostly we ignore what our body or our gut feeling tells us, because we are distracted by stress and anxieties. BUT if you focus more on what your subconcious is trying to tell you during the day or during the night, then it will weaken your anxieties - that’s what happened to me. I feel more relaxed, stronger and more confident.

So, before getting into the unknown lands of dreams, this is what you can do:

Start writing a dream diary! Put the date on top, think of a nice caption and then write down what happend. 1. Where was I just now? 2. What is the last thing I remember doing? 3. How did I feel?

You can write down anything, a feeling, a thought, an image...you can draw it in your diary, use key words or longer texts...it’s your personal diary! 

It is totally fine to “forget” your dreams or not being able to remember much. It comes with practice. It helps to tell yourself with a powerful intent before sleep that you will remember your dreams.

Even if you are not able to remember anything, write it down. Something like “no dream memory today”. Your brain will register taht dreams are important. Because the more we focus on something, the more we notice little hints in your every day life. Have fun!

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Thank you Max, for being there for me. Tonight, he appeared in my dream and held my hand. If I don’t feel protected in rl or taken care of or loved or whatsoever, then those guys always make me feel this way. 고마워요

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Luz: If you could have any super power, what would it be?

Amatsuki: The ability to talk to animals.

Soraru: Telekinesis.

Mafumafu: Sand.

Luz: What? Mafumafu, I don’t think that’s a super pow-

Mafumafu: I would have the power to conjure sand anywhere and at any time.

Soraru: Why would you want that kind of power?

Mafumafu: It gets everywhere, Soraru. It’s one of the most annoying things known to man kind.

Amatsuki: I don’t think it’s as bad as glitter- Oops.

Mafumafu: I change my mind, the ability to conjure glitter is more powerful.

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Soraru & Amatsuki: We sent good vibes your way. They’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

Mafumafu:

Mafumafu: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up. Thank you.

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The first 3 pics:

Why does everyone like to sit on Mafu? (DON’T SIT ON MY CINNAMON ROLL CHILD!)

Last Pic:

Soraru… The princess that just got rescued. (SORARU’S A PRINCESS THAT MEANS AMATSUKI BE GAY)

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> you with me?

> ever at your side.

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[TALK] Rebirth of J - Part 1

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Time to fail!

People, including myself, are so afraid to fail....why?

Because society will think you are a failure? Because you think nobody will love you if you dont do well?

Bullshit. Its hard to believe for me as well, but Im trying to change my point of view. If I dont like myself in the first place and only depend on other peoples praising, I will never learn to respect myself.

I do covers (vocal&guitar) and I knwo Im not good yet, but therefore I practice duh ....www Especially with social media, people are afraid to share their stories, their talents or simply things they like to do bc there are so many out there who will put you down - no joke. (I was about to write about such people, but I will not waste my time on them....plus, its not my right nor task to judge about anyone)

Anyway, for me...even though its hard, I will try to be proud of every little step, of posting videos, posting and sharing recordings even if nobody cares. I care.

Its like being a person with a positive mental attitude. You cant convince people to be positive, to stop their negative thinking, to live a happier life...its impossible to try to talk to a person with a fixed mindset. Its their free will to change. The only thing you can do is follow your own path and people will see how happy you are, that you enjoy life and achieve your goals step by step. Then, they will reach out to you and thats the moment when you can take their hand and help them.

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some memories of Korea....after the return of one of the five kings, my personal hero Kim Jaejoong. The church is the one where they filmed (basically Hero’s scene) for Rising Sun! The other pictures are taken at Yunho’s friends cafe and in Jaejoong’s J-Holic Cafe <3 we also went to see a fascinating and emotional performance by Xia Junsu as L in Death Note!

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Start with basics! Inspire&be inspired

This is meant to be a simple “guide” for lucid dreaming. First of all, I want to give an explanation and osme examples of what can be done and achieved through lucid (concious) dreaming = being aware that you are dreaming, basically being in your own psyche! It can be frightening, but to me it is mostly fascinating and is a lot of fun! Every single person dreams, children usually dream more lucidly, but when we grow up...we tend to ignore the fact that we could use our imagination throughout day&night! Since you go to sleep every night, you dream. Its a natural process. So instead of wasting all the time you are sleeping, use it to meet your idols, improve your skills, go to places you have never bene before (”real” places or fictional ones). There are brain studies that proof that these experiences feel just as real as lets say...meeting your friend to have a coffee the day before - I can totally agree! It DOES feel just as real.

Ive been playing with my favorite guitarist, Ive been to Japan in my dreams (I sometimes go there for vacation so I really started missing it...but within a lucid dream, my time in JP just feels as real as an actual vacation...but its free and I dont even need to go on a plane for 12h) - just to give you some examples

Before I start giving you some guidelines, I want to recommand a great author and beautiful person called Charlie Morley https://www.charliemorley.com/ (I also tried one of his online courses!) This year, I had the chance to attend one of Charlie’s courses in London and even talked to him....he is such a calm, positive and funny person! And also because of him, I want to spread the knowledge of lucid dreaming.*

There are so many possibilities to improve your health, your life-quality and so on through lucid dreaming and I want to at least try to share this beautiful idea since each and everyone of us is capable to do it. It only requires strong motivation and the will and acceptance to form a strong bond with your subconcious, with your own, deeper self.

The first thing that you want to do to become a lucid dreamer is: GET A DREAM JOURNAL  Meaning, get a pretty notebook, some nice paper and pen to write on/with ooor if you like use your tablet/smartphone. It should be something you would like to write on, just like a diary. Treat it with respect and dont use ripped scribble papers to write on....at least thats not what I would recommand. As the name indicates, it is a diary. The structure CAN look like this Top of the page: Date, title of the dream (very important) Followed by notes, drawings, texts etc (choose what you think fits besst to describe what you dreamed about) Even if you dont remember your dreams, write it down. Just remember to use your diary every day if possible

One important thing to improve the dream memory is  to lay still when waking up or at least get back into the position you have been sleeping in (you can try different positions). This might seem hard, but with practice it works. Even if you have a hard time, you will find a solution to find at least the last scene of your dream so you can basically work backwards to know whats been going on.  Ask yourself “Where was I?” “What did I do?” “Who was with me?” Things like these help you to recall your dreams. Once you have a great dream recall, you can proeed with lucid dream techniques. First, its important to get to know the territory of your dreams. Before going on a trip - at least I do this in advance - I try to get a picture in my head of how the place will look like, which places I can visit or in general study the structure of the area.

Good luck and HAVE FUN 

*Note: I want to tell a little story of the time I met Charlie Morley. That time, I still saw myself (and still do) as a man and would introduce myself - at least to some people - as Owen instaed of my female name. During his speech I thought about talking to him afterwards, since me and a new-found friend had introduced ourselves before his talk and I used my female name....during his talk, I felt really bad the whole time and thought about re-introducing myself, but I was super shy and unsure of what to say... Just in that moment, Charlie talked about a friend of his, called Maxwell. He said that Maxwell is also a lucid dreamer and he is ftm (female to male) so basically he was a woman in the past....and in his lucid dreams, he transformed his body - that was back then still the one of a woman - to experience how a male body would feel like. I also had these kind of dreams, of being in a mans body and I cant explain how great it felt!! Anyway, after the talk I felt encouraged enough to speak to him...though I waited until everyone else got to talk and ask questions to him etc... I took all the ocurage I could find, turned to Charlie and said “Hello Charlie...before I want to ask you for an autograph...I would like to re-introduce myself to you. Im actually an ftm and therefore I would like to be called Owen. So.....Hello again Charlie, my name is Owen and Im very happy to meet you”. When shaking my hand, he had the biggest smile on his face...so adorable. He told me to contact Maxwell and exchange dreams and experiences...this was one of the greatest memories I made in the past years. Thank you again, Charlie.

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Isolation

I want to share my thoughts about a conversation I had with a “stranger” (someone I met online) because it turned out in a very surprising way. Usually, when I get treated like shit from people or feel cheated on or lied at then I avoid meeting friends or even chatting...but this has changed. Also, for the first time in my life I felt really hurt and angry since someone treated me like shit, just because he didn’t get what he wanted. Still, I didnt scream at him though I wanted to...but I couldnt....anyway, he has his own reasons why he acts this waythough it seems unfair to me, but thats how he decides to life. I feel rather sorry for him....this way of living cant be a happy one? But I dont want to judge so all I do now is isolating myself from people who hurt me, have bad intentions or simply will stop me from reaching my goals rather than isolating myself from the world. Yes, people act the same way in many situations, but that doesnt mean everyone is bad. Remember a time you felt hurt? Another person might just feel the same in that situation...we all go through hardships and we all worry and are scared. Some show it, some dont...I believe that everyone has similar fears and has his own troubles, so why bash them? Rather try to understand them. But at a certain point, its just better to go seperate ways. Easy as that.

To make it short: This person kept calling me perfect - regarding my looks/appearance - and “normal” conversations to get to know each other werent possible....in the end when I finally ended this, he insulted me very harshly and promised to tell everyone what a fucked up, ugly person I am and what a shitty character/personality I have. Go ahead, but stop insulting me directly when you were the one calling me perfect and handsome.....this made me really mad and sad?

Actually, in the past I would now have sat down and cried, asking myself “What did I do wrong?” or “Why doesnt anyone like me?” but now Im stronger. I understand people react differently and I might not get along with all of them BUT I have the choice to “leave” and go another path.

All I want to say is, if you feel like someone treats you badly...you have the choice to get out of this situation but please...dont isolate yourself. It might feel odd, but just keep your strength and belief. Not everyone is “bad” or will treat you that way. Isolating yourself will take all kinds of opportunities from you. They are out there, waiting, so do you really want to miss them?

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Passionate Dreamer & Passio for Dreaming

This is my first post, my first blog ever.

Im not good with people, nor communicating in general so I thought it would be better to write down my thoughts. Also, instead of trying to “convince” friends or make them interested in the topics Im fascinated about, I will simply write about it...if people will get interested, they can do researches on their own about these topics and find out for themselves:)

There are many things I want to talk about in future posts, but for now I want to concentrate about Lucid Dreaming. For those who dont know this term, it means being “awake” in your dreams, “controlling” what happens in your dream...doing and feeling what you want.

Its very easy to learn, for some it takes a while - for me it took even years - but its worth the effort. Actually it includes learning about yourself, working with your own mind and psyche since thats what your dreams represent. Only you influence them and can tell what they mean to you. Just like during the day, what we expect to happen, will happen. If we think about something negatively, it will most likely happen because our gestures, thoughts and actions concentrate on the outcome we have in mind - even if we dont do these things conciously. For the future post I want to post some guidlines on how to lucid dream, because I think it can be very beneficial and most of all, its fun! Meeting your idols, going to the places you always wanted to visit, talking to and meeting people who have passed away etc etc. All those experiences can be optained in a lucid dream and it will feel just as real as the memory of going to a nice concert or meeting a friend the day before. The brain doesnt differenciate between these things, so it doesnt matter if you experience those things during the day in your waking life or during the night.

Since we sleep for a third of our lifes, theres no harm in trying right? You go to sleep (mostly) every night anyway, so why not build a strong relationship with your subcincious? 

As a music lover, Gazette and Jaejoong-fan I can say that I already had dreams involving all my favorite musicians. Talking to them, hugging them, getting lessons in guitar practice etc and it feels real. Its easy to write this, but believing it is another thing. Therefore I want to encourage people to try it on their own, because its something you cant describe. The colors are richer, the feels deeper, just everything feels more intense