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#// and then i was like i guess i should draw something so that it can go on my “art” blog
zordanna · 9 hours
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𝓑𝓲𝓻𝓭𝓲𝓮
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A fluffy fic inspired from this old drawing I did🍃
English is not my first language and I hate writing so don’t expect too much. It’s just a small scene where Sebastian realises he’s in love with my MC, you can imagine yours there too of course! I ain’t stopping you🫡 enjoy I guess?
Sebastian yawned softly as he kept silently reading his history of magic notes while sitting on the carpet and resting his back on the couch, Eleonora was next to him laying fully on it while reading the chapter trying really hard to not fall asleep.
“Ugh I swear I’m failing this time”
She mumbled while flipping pages. Sebastian rolled his eyes and spoke back with annoyance.
“You literally have the highest grades of all the students in our class, shut up-”
Eleonora huffed and gave him a soft nudge with her knee in response.
“Just because the competition prefers wandering in the restricted section more than studying actual subjects. You know- instead of  forbidden ones”
Sebastian groaned and rested his head on the couch seat cushion to look at her better.
“You are a pain in the ass.” He breathed out glancing back at his notes pretending to ignore her.
“The feeling is mutual”
She ruffled his brown curls gaining a soft laugh from him , the boy rested one cheek on the  cushion and gazed at her while his notes ended up spread around the intricated embodied carpet of Russel  living room. Sebastian  glanced at the book and got an idea.
“I can read it for you, if you want, so we both learn something at least”
His proposal sounded quite nice to Eleonora, she gave him the book and set herself comfortable as he cleared his throat. He started reading and he could almost feel her gaze caressing his skin, Sebastian didn’t know how he managed to say the words correctly without fumbling while having that lovely pair of blue eyes staring at him, the warmth of her presence, her sweet scent of lavender and soap pervading his nostrils…Merlin help him!
On the other side Eleonora’s eyes were looking at his freckles, she always thought they looked like a starry sky , sometimes she would find full constellations in them while stealing glances at her friend’s features. She  glanced  at his lashes, was it even legal to have them so long and soft? The way they fluttered while he was  reading, the way the sun was making them shine with a warm orange shade. She was mesmerised. That’s for sure. The words sounded like a sweet lullaby rather than an actual lecture on how their ancestors channeled magic trough the years, her eyes felt heavy and her body a little too relaxed. 
Maybe if she closed her eyes just for a second…yeah that should do it.
Sebastian was reading the last paragraph when he heard  soft snoring coming from his right side ,he turned his head a little to check on Eleonora and a warm smile formed on his lips as he realised she had fallen asleep. He closed the book putting it away before adjusting himself leaning closer to the sleeping girl. He rested his elbow on the couch cushion careful to not disturb her rest, as usual Eleonora needed her afternoon nap.
Memories of their third year flashed in his mind, rainy afternoons spent napping all together on the same couch down in the undercroft between a mess of books and unfinished candies. Anne was still…well Anne. No curse, no pain just Anne, sleeping peacefully while her tiny head would rest on Ominis shoulder as he was  nestled up almost like a cat. Eleonora’s long blonde hair would tickle his nose as he often found himself using her soft curls as a pillow. They always smelled so good it wasn’t his fault they felt so comfy.
Instinctively Sebastian brushed off some of her blonde strands that were framing her face, very carefully as if she was made of porcelain. Her long blonde curls that once were left wild and free were now tied up in that blue ribbon he gifted her almost two years ago.
“You keep wearing it all the time mh?”
He mumbled softly more to himself than to her. The soft blue satin fabric was a bit smudged near the knot after years of wearing it every day, that’s what happens with the things you love most isn’t it? They change. 
Sebastian always questioned why she would refuse to buy another one, a prettier one maybe made from the most expensive silk with embodied details but she always said that one was just perfect. She loved it.
And he loved how beautiful she looked with it. He loved the way it always made her eyes stand out matching their colour, he loved how it swayed like a swallowtail when she would rush around the hallways late for classes trying to not trip on other students. Swallows are a sign of hope and freedom, he was certain that if she had to be an animal she would be one of them. She was always there trying to see the good side of everything, which in his darker days was both infuriating and yet comforting. It was reassuring  having her slapping some sense in his thick skull sometimes, he couldn’t deny it.
He also loved that, her scolding tone, her stubbornness and resolution whenever he was acting like a complete ass. He loved the way she would ruffle his hair to annoy him, he loved how her soft hands were making him feel butterflies flying around his stomach every damn time…
Sebastian’s chocolate brown eyes were fixed on Eleonora’s delicate face as the sudden realisation hit him like a whole bombarda in his chest.
He was falling in love. No. He was in love. Utterly. Undeniably in love. 
He didn’t realise his face was few centimetres away from hers till now, his lips dangerously close to hers. Before doing something stupid and reckless he pulled away slightly and took a moment to gain his composure, his eyes wandered around the luxurious living room of her family’s manor, the paintings of the Russels were almost staring at him, judging him with their cold gaze.
Who was he trying to fool? He was nobody compared to her family, an orphan living in a cottage with his grumpy uncle, it would never be fair to her. Knowing her parents Eleonora had probably her life planned since day one, as her older sister Ofelia once told him they lived in a golden cage with all comforts but still a cage. It was all doomed from the start so- for now it was better to suppress those feelings. To pretend they never had been there.
For now having her friendship was more than he could hope for, Sebastian looked at the big wood carved clock and checked the time, it was getting pretty late, he sighed and with a soft spoken tone called for her.
“Hey…Birdie”
The world would never want them together, that’s what he was telling himself, yet when he saw those blue eyes and that warm sleepy smile greeting him Sebastian thought that the world could burn or destroy itself in that exact moment.
The world would know Lady Eleonora Russel but Birdie. Birdie was just for him and that was all he needed.
“Birdie? What am I a chicken?”
Eleonora said with a snort while sitting up and stretching a bit letting a yawn escape her lips.
“No more like a goose.”
Sebastian retorted with a cheeky grin. She had no idea of what passed by his mind all the short time she was asleep.
“Ouch- did I snore loud?”
“Terribly. I mistaken you for a troll or something at some point.”
Eleonora laughed at  the statement and crossed her arms in a proud stance. 
“Was I annoying you?”
“Terribly.” Sebastian said faking an exasperated sigh.
“Good. I can consider my mission accomplished then”
She added with a chuckle while they both got up to walk towards the kitchen for stealing a snack or two. Luckily her parents wouldn’t be back till next early morning considering their habit to attend balls and ceremonies  maintaining their high social status connections. That was a relief for the two of them but also for the servitude. The house elves were quite fond of Eleonora, a true ray of sunshine in that toxic household.
The afternoon passed by with their usual playful bantering like any other. It was better pretending nothing happened for Sebastian, it was for the best really.
Was it? Only time would tell. For now they were just fifteen, sitting on the kitchen counter munching a stolen slice of lemon tart while yapping about how they were both convinced Professor Garlick was hiding “special plants” somewhere in the greenhouse. 
It was a normal  spring afternoon during the end of the 19th century.
Flowers were blooming , birds were chirping and the air smelled like clean laundry and soap.
Winter was just a distant thought, none of them could ever imagine how everything  would irreversibly change in few months.
Moments like these would be soon turned into distant faded happy memories but for now…it was all that mattered.
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yunqitv · 21 hours
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THE BOY IS MINE PT 1 _ ENHYPEN _ JAKE
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💜 GENRE : COLLEGE STUDENTS, FRIENDS TO LOVERS, CHEATING, BULLYING
💜 PAIRING: college!student!jake x college!student!male reader
inspired by "why r u? kr. ver"
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“My M/n!” M/n perked up from his notebook at the sudden coo of his name being called out. He was sitting in the quad on campus, textbook and stationary sprawled out on the table as he set them where he wanted since he was by himself, well, not anymore.
A dark-haired male came jogging towards him, bag on his shoulder bouncing just like his hair in rhythm of steps. M/n sighed, snatching the reading glasses from his face. “Can you be any louder, Jake?” He grumbled.
“My M/n~” Jake repeated, throwing his bag on the table on top of M/n’s stuff carelessly as he wrapped his arms around M/n’s neck from behind, lifting the latter’s face as he gave him an unconditional amount of forehead kisses.
“Ugh, Jake! Gross, you fucking dog,” M/n whined, referring to Jake’s justifiable nickname, Golden Retriever.
Jake giggled, completely unfazed by M/n’s slaps and kicks as he pulled away and sat uncomfortably close to M/n on the bench. “What are you doing?”
“I was preparing for mid-terms, but I just got assaulted by a puppy and now I want to go home.” M/n huffed, gathering his stuff together. Jake reached out to M/n’s hands, taking them just for a second but M/n took them away, giving him a grim look.
Jake’s big smile stuck on his face even after rejection, “Should we go to a party?”
“Why?”
“‘Cause, I wanna drink with my favorite best friend!” Jake screeched, a little too happy to announce his title. M/n rolled his eyes, resuming his packing.
“You won’t be asking if you weren’t already planning. Who’s party?”
“May’s birthday gathering at the pub. She misses you, y’know.”
Oh, right. May. Jake’s girlfriend of two, almost three years now. You would almost forget all about her when just the two M/n and Jake were together.
M/n shuttered. “You’re not asking me to go to her birthday party with you, you’re asking me to be her gift because you forgot, right?”
Jake pouted but lowered his head and nodded, “I’ve been so busy with these sets for the theatre department, that I completely forgot to make her something.” M/n almost felt bad when Jake returned to his chipper self, “But once she sees you, no one else’s gifts will matter. So, you gotta come!”
Going to this party was M/n’s first mistake. Just a group of maybe twelve students from the university all drinking shots like a fish drinking water, causally sipping after every sentence. About a third of them were probably already tipsy by now and it was only the first thirty minutes.
M/n sat at the end of the table, sipping his beer as his eyes darted between Jake and May, who sat chatting about, close. M/n knew it was wrong not to feel a difference, but why does Jake hold May the same way he does him?
Jake was a weird kid. He’s nice to everyone and touch is his love language, but there should be no reason his touch is the same as his touch with May. That’s his girlfriend. Right?
“Hey, hey, let’s draw chopsticks, yeah? Whoever gets this red-marked one has to do something.” One of the partygoers suggested, and the table erupted in cheers.
“Ah, well how about the birthday girl chooses the dare,” Another said, pointing at May whose face is flushed red.
“Oh, well, um. I guess, I found Jake during one of these parties, right? Let’s keep the love in the air!” The table all coos, in unison. Except for M/n who’s face goes flat at the mention of the couple.
“So, how about whoever gets the stick has to kiss, um… hmm, M/n!”
M/n coughed, hand covering over his mouth. “W-What why me?”
“Well, aren’t you single? You stick around Jake so much, I hardly get to see him!” M/n chuckled, refraining with all his might not to roll his eyes.
Jake’s face dropped to a concerned one as he put a hand on May’s shoulder “Hey, maybe pick someone else. It’s obvious he’s uncomfortable, May.”
“I’ll do it,” M/n said, downing the rest of his drink. “Draw the sticks, maybe I’ll get a girlfriend today.”
M/n was being sarcastic, Jake knew this but couldn’t help but wish he hadn’t been. Because Jake didn’t want to see anyone even touch M/n in any kind of way. 
Everyone put their chopstick in a glass as M/n waited anxiously to see just who was going to meet him at his demise tonight. May swivel the chopsticks around for a few seconds before everyone reached for one without looking at the bottom.
“Okay, okay, everyone look now!” May shouted in excitement.
Everyone looked at their chopstick, then at the person next to them.
“Oh my God, Jake has it!”
The table ran silent as everyone looked at the three awkwardly. Then someone broke the silence.
“Well, it’s that bad, right? It’s just a little boy’s love kiss? Nothing real, right May?”
May’s face showed it all, she was not amused anymore.
“U-Uh, never mind we don’t have to-” Suddenly, Jake rose from his seat and shuffled towards M/n, the table ooing. Jake stopped behind M/n’s chair, placing his hand under his chin he lifted his head like he did earlier and leaned forward on the tips of his feet, “Should we kiss?” He whispered.
M/n looked up as far as he could, Jake’s smiling.
“Wah, look at Jake. He doesn’t want anyone to kiss M/n but himself!” Someone squealed. The tension is cut thin as the slam of May’s hand on the table snapped everyone’s heads in her direction.
“I-I need to use the bathroom, I’ll be back. Jake, come with, please.”
The next few days at the university were different. Jake was no longer interrupting M/n's study sessions in the quad, instead just walking past as if they didn't know each other.
May believed something was going on between the two. If it wasn’t for the jabs she took at the pub, it was the drink she threw at him while he was walking to class.His books and papers dropped down to the ground, dowsed in her drink at his feet.
“I heard boyfriend stealers like to get wet. Thought I’d help you get started.” May spat. M/n hung his head low, not looking up because he knew if he looked into May’s eyes he was either going to break down crying and apologize or wrap his hands around her neck and squeeze so hard that she just might take her words back.
Either way, it didn’t matter because as quickly as a dog comes at a whistle, Jake Sim was standing in front of M/n with a paper towel, blotting his face.
“Hey, HEY” Jake shouted, smacking M/n’s face lightly as he tried to get his attention. M/n didn’t even notice it, but he was hyperventilating as tears dripped down his face like lava erupting from a volcano.
M/n didn’t remember what happened after that, somehow though, he ended up in Jake’s bedroom lying like a corpse in a casket with his hands folded on his chest. All he could do was look up at the ceiling as he recounted all the times he should’ve avoided causing problems with May. Starting with meeting Jake altogether.
Jake was leaning against the wall on his bed as well, legs crossed. “Knowing you, you’re probably thinking about how you could’ve changed all of this. You stupid Psych majors, always thinking and shit.”
Jake sighed, “But it’s not your fault. It’s mine.”
“But… Do you think it’s a crime to fall in love with your best friend?”
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em-harlsnow · 2 days
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Something I’ve had in my mind for a while, so I did a little speed-write:
When he gets back from his therapist, Mickey’s on the couch with his laptop open in front of him.
He doesn’t make a big deal of anything, just looks up, smiles and asks how it went. Today it wasn’t too taxing, just one of the fortnightly appointments that they can afford now. Ian smiles back.
“It was okay.”
“Just okay?” Mickey looks up from the laptop, paying full attention.
He blows out a breath. “Yeah. It was fine, really. Nothing huge.” He says, because nothing huge was revealed, nothing huge was said. Therapy just takes a lot out of him energy-wise.
“Okay.” Mickey replies, placing a hand on his knee, squeezing, and then returns to the screen.
“What are you looking at?” Ian asks, trying to peak.
“That stupid shit you like. Pin Interest or whatever the fuck.”
Ian rolls his eyes. “You like it, Mick. And I know you know it’s called Pinterest.”
Mickey shrugs.
“So, what are you looking at on Pin Interest?” He smirks and Mickey snorts.
“Tattoo ideas. I was thinkin’ of getting another one.” Mickey’s gaze is laser focused as he scans through images, saving some and scowling at others as if they personally offend him.
Ian’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “Where do you want it?” He tries to picture his husband with more tattoos and very much likes the image. He likes his current ones too much to not want him to get more.
“I dunno, man. Some sleeves are cool. But they take ages to build up. Maybe just one on my shoulder to start.”
“That sounds good.” Ian tries to get closer, but he still can’t really see what Mickey’s looking at. “Can I see?” He asks, pointing at the device.
Mickey sighs like he’s the most annoying fucker on the planet, but he tilts the screen towards him anyway.
He can see now that Mickey’s searched up ‘black tattoo shoulder men’ and there are just piles on piles of buff men with shoulder tats.
“I like the snake one.” Mickey tells him, pointing at the picture he means. It’s a serpent winding around the top of the guy’s arm, tangling together and going down to the bottom of his bicep.
“Yeah, that one’s cool.” Ian agrees. “What about that one?” He points at one with a fine lined dragon reaching onto the guy’s peck.
“I guess, but I don’t want it too thin, you know? When they do it too intricate, the lines all blur together.” Ian hums in assent.
“Show me what you already have saved.”
Mickey clicks through the website, and Ian catches a glimpse of his pre-existing boards before he goes to the tattoo one. There’s one called ‘wedding’ and one called ‘apartment’ and one called ‘dope shit’. The cover photo of ‘dope shit’ is an aesthetic image of two beers and two cigarettes clasped in two hands. Ian’s not really surprised that this is what Mickey considers to be ‘dope shit’.
In the folder is a lot of similar things. Snakes, dragons, one cat with bat wings. One looks like a weird cross between a gun and a dagger. They’re all pretty hot, and Ian tells him about his favourites.
“I was thinkin’ of drawing it myself. I don’t wanna just copy what someone else has.”
“What did you do for this one?” Ian asks, grasping Mickey’s forearm.
“Drew it.” He explains simply, eyes not leaving the screen.
“Yeah? It’s good. You should draw the next one, too then.”
Mickey hums in agreement but continues to browse the website, probably looking for ideas.
Ian clicks on the TV, starting up an episode of New Girl while Mickey’s distracted.
They sit in peaceful silence for a while, until Mickey speaks again.
“There’s a tattoo place up the street. The reviews seem good. Don’t wanna go somewhere if they’ll just fuck it up.”
“That’s true.” Ian pauses. “If you’re getting one, I might get one too.”
Mickey raises his eyes brows in that expressive way of his. “You want a new tat? Fuckin’ copy cat.” He grumbles, but with the way he looks Ian up and down he can tell he’s not opposed.
“Yeah, been thinkin about it for a bit.”
“Oh yeah? What you thinkin, tough guy, I’ll look up some ideas.” Mickey suggests, already looking back at ‘Pin Interest’.
“Don’t worry, I already know what I want.”
When he doesn’t say more, Mickey huffs impatiently. “Gonna keep me waiting all night or what?”
Ian smirks and leans forward. “I was thinkin’ of an ‘MM’ tattoo, right here.” He tells him, pointing at a spot on the inside of his wrist.
Mickey looks surprised, and fond, and happy all at once. Even so, he tuts at him. “Tshc, you don’t have to do that just because I got your name.”
Ian rolls his eyes. “I fuckin’ know that, dork. I like the idea of having a more permanent thing than the rings.”
“Yeah, coz you keep fuckin’ losing your rings.”
“Well I’m sorry I don’t want it to fall down a drain or something, Mick.” He laughs, exasperated. “But a tattoo won’t fall down the drain.”
Mickey looks at him, and he’s so happy that Ian can’t help but wind their fingers together.
“You don’t want it to look like Mandy Milkovich, though. Gotta get my middle initial, too.”
“Wouldn’t her initials be ‘AM’? For Amanda?” Ian raises his eyebrows. Mickey scrunches his.
“Oh yeah.”
“You hate your middle name, anyway. And ‘MAM’ looks like I got something for my mum, I want this for you.”
“Yeah, you already got those titties for Monica.” Mickey jokes lightly and Ian pushes his side.
<3333
i might write a next part, where they actually go get them!
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DCA Subnautica AU
Version #2 of the designs, including the bioluminescence! + fun tidbits on each of the goobers and a visual on Y/N!
Eclipse is up first!
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Theirs was the first design I drew out in any detail (as shown in the crude MS Paint drawing), so it's the one that needed the most work. Even after making the more detailed version with the lights, I still ended up changing things as I got a better grasp on what direction I wanted to head in. Fun lore tidbit! Eclipse is a freak of nature and should not look like that! They're properly split down the middle between day and night. Also I messed it up in the drawing because I was tired when I made it, but they're also covered in scars and bite marks.
Sun !!
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I did Sun next, and here I had a better idea for what I was going for. There were still a few problems with this design though, which got changed. This is also where I started drawing the pattern on the tail, which I felt looked weird in this picture. Fun tidbit! Sun has an inability to express his feelings in the appropriate fish mermaid way, leading to much confusion.
Moon !!
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Moon was done last. Once again, I learned from this drawing and changed Moon's design to match, however Moon is the one that remains the most unchanged! I knew what I was going for by the time I got to him each time, so I guess that helped. Something I did alter, however, were some of the lights. I found that they either blended together too much or weren't as visible as I would have liked. Fun tidbit! This is pose actually based on a scene in one of the chapters. It was actually one of the earliest written scenes.
Y/N, my beloved <3
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I did 2 versions of Y/N, one with longer hair and one with shorter. It was important for me, when writing the story, that I kept the person I'm imagining as vague as possible, with the only physical descriptions being "physically fit" and having a few scars (for plot reasons), so this is only for me and whatever drawings I do. As a result of trying to keep it vague, I ended up going with the shorter hair (though in the final reference I made it a bit longer than shown here). Fun tidbit! The green is because whenever I'm sketching, I have 4 colours I sketch in to differentiate parts of the picture (usually background vs foreground or different people), and green was the one I used here (red, blue and purple were taken, I'm sure you can understand why). It ended up sticking, since I didn't want to go with the orange that's on Ryley's suit in order to avoid possible confusion.
That's it for now! At some point, I'll post the full references for each of them, but until then, the next thing I post will probably be chapter 1!
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otomegrandma · 3 days
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Hello! Always wanted to ask do u have any headcanons on tofu? I mean if u have fix on them for 7 years straight, u should have one! So if u don’t mind, may u share some?💖
Hi!
Actually, I have a hard time coming up with those lists you sometime see online with all those 'little things'. I know that, in tofu space, there are a lot of fun ideas that float around (pre-despair feelings affecting fukawa's behavior towards Togami, the 'red lingerie' line, and so on) but they're not really integral to how I view the characters.
To me, you can say 'Togami likes dark chocolate, because he seems like that kind of person', and that's fine, but unless there's some other purpose to saying so (for art or writing), I only get satisfaction out of it if I can link it to something in canon (Togami likes civet coffee, which has it's most particular feature being smooth and without a bitter taste. So in my mind, it makes more sense that Togami would like a lighter chocolate that's less harsh.)
Before writing more, here's a little bit on how I draw the characters:
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This was an observation I had about my own art. I tend to draw him with a longer face, which makes him look more mature. Maybe it doesn't really suit him, and it's best if he looks younger, but I like to draw Togami in ways that emphasize his coolness (even when he's moe..)
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Also, I draw Fukawa's uniform with a baggier top. This is mostly preference, but I suppose it suits Fukawa a bit better.
I also like to draw Fukawa in a suit, like the other characters wear post DR1. (There's actually concept art for the DR3 show for this, even though she never wears it in the cartoon.) This is half because I like how suits look and half because I don't really like the DRAE design.
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So, some headcanons:
Togami and Fukawa are both judgey people, so I think they enjoy gossping together about the other survivors. It's pretty mean.
When they're alone, Fukawa enjoys feeding Togami occasionally during meals. It's not something Togami ever suggested, but after humoring her he kind of gets used to it and they end up eating that way a lot.
Similarly (I guess?) Fukawa always takes any opportunity to be the one to drive Togami around. She's a pretty good driver but mostly just insistent.
Togami enjoys a bit of social drinking but Fukawa doesn't like to drink at all (being tipsy at all is unpleasant. So she's also a good designated driver for the rest of the group.
thanks for the ask!
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californiatowhee · 2 months
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old fashioneds and tipsy daydreaming
bonus: the subsequent drunk texting
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extra bonus, if you made it this far: what happens next, in fic form (spoiler: Phoenix and Miles kiss)
Behavioral Phenomenon | Phoenix/Edgeworth | 2.5k
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puppyeared · 5 months
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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ypipie · 1 year
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i havent attempted to animate at all since like 2018 go easy on me
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zebratimw · 11 months
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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mildcicada · 14 days
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#when i was first coloring him in he was gonna be golden chinchilla colored but then i was like ehhh jonah magnus should be red/orange but#elias should be gray ...so i just desaturated what i already did instead of recoloring lol but#he is now supposed to be shaded silver lol#but thats why his coat pattern is on the darker side compared to what it *should* be#og elias bouchard coming from an important/roch family and while whole thing with thinking he just *deserves* stuff bc of his upbringing.#etc. -> he is purebred and matches the breed standards etc for a scottish fold of his color#obviously the eye color doesn't matter because. ahaha#i thought elias fit the Scottish fold vibes because: Scottish folds are known for looking sort of like owls and having intense eyes#and the cat body/face type (also present in british shorthairs) to me gives off sort of... unnasumming vibes?#like ahaha yes i am a boring boss who loves paperwork look at how unnasumming i am season 1-2 elias y'know#trying to think of what cat breed jonah would be. and also jon gerry etc you know all the other characters i like#would it be boring to have multiple british shorthairs#i mean..#Michael shelley/distortion is a laperm that's all I know#i didn't particularly care with the personality attributes associated with eliascat because it didn't need to fit his personality on account#of not being his original body. but i do try to keep in mind the best personality/look/etc. cat attributes as a whole for a character#also sometimes get obsessed with jt making historical and geographical sense but then it just limits me greatly to a point im not into it#so i don't care about specific breeds in that respect lol#tma#my art#elias bouchard#the magnus archives#some notes looking back(made it 2 hours ago but still looking back ok..) on it now are that i feel like elias would never choose this breed#for his next bodyhop because of the inherent health issues in scottish folds. I saw the breed was created in like the early 1960s and#assumed that maybe the health issues wouldn't have been common knowledge until later enough for jonah to be unaware of them but actually no#there's legislation about it like 6 years later LOL so jonah would..maybe not make this choice#i guess in the future when drawing i will just make him a British shorthair#my catTMA is simultaneously 'they are just regular cats or like all show cats or something' and 'exact tma plot but as intelligent cats'#LOL its just vague in my mind idk..also maybe jon can be an Abyssinian#ALSO WHAT WAS I THINKING 'jonah may not have been aware about x thing' like did i...did i forget. me 2 hours ago was dumb as rocks
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neptunesailing · 10 months
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mayoi (enstars x hnk au)
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#nep draws things#ensemble stars#enstars#sketch#mayoi ayase#enstars x hnk au#hnk au#ouoououououu i am soooo proud of the mayo on the right hjhjrhgrghrhgrhghgrghrhg he is so !!#showed this to a friend before i posted and they said his hair would taste like frozen grapes and i had to break it to them that it'd break#their teeth JHDHJFHJSDHJFHJSHJFSJD anywayy i might redraw the aira one.. he needs some attention too ^_^ sorry i only design for hii.ai /#alkaloid but THEY ARE MY FAVS........ by this logic i should be drawing more sw.itch but . i just . *waves hands* alkaloid !!! alkaloid so#special to me.. anyway tatsumi has another job other than patrolling with mayo which is why mayo has the winter uni and tatsun has the norm#i was maybe thinking tatsun would be a healer like rutile is..? nothing is set in stone (pun intended) for now ahha but tatsun can still#fight jsut fine!! hes more of a watcher for mayo. mayo fights more since his hardness lvl is much higher than tatsun's. during the spring a#stuff tho i think mayo kinda hides around? still not sure.. youd probably see him around tho in the shadows (ala canon i guess) and i guess#thats how hiiro and aira get to know mayo outside of patrols.. OH the reason why mayo is on winter patrol is because he gets too nervous#working with other gems and he kept messing up and hiding away whenever he did mess up so :((( yeah he usually fights by himself OH I SHOUL#EXPLAIN WHY HE CAN SPLIT INTO 2 its because of the spinel law something somethign rotated at 180 degrees at some axis but ANYWAY his hair#is longer in his singular form but you can see in his split form his hair is cut differently than how we normally see mayo's hair- and also#theyre mirrored!! their braids are on different sides and the side w/o the braid is shorter!! and the moles are on opposite sides too heheh#holy shit i wrote so much in the tags..... anyway THANK YOU SOS SO MUCH TEA FOR REMINDING ME OF THE HNK AU AGAIN AND ENABLING ME TO GO#INSANE OVER THIS AU AGAIN UR AMAZINGGGG <333333
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7roaches · 6 months
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assorted old and somewhat unfinished oc art (except the second one thats recent)
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My cousin, a published writer, a well-known poet in my country and a literature professor, for whom I've always been no.1 support ever since her first attempts at writing in high school, told me that I must stop writing as a hobby because that's her thing and since I'm writing fantasy mostly my writing could never have any important artistic value anyways.
#what happened was that i was feeling really down these past few days#like mental health dead in mariana trench#and i went to visit her because she lives like 10 minutes away and has a cat i can play with#but yesterday morning a friend of mine made a fanart (i guess i can call it that) of a fanfic i am writing for the five of them#she sent it to me and said she's also working on an actual painting on a camvas of her fave scene from my original story#and i was so surprised and exicted#that's actually a too mild description#and when i was visitting my cousin i showed her the pic of the drawing on my phone and explained it to her and she just said ....ehh..#and started texting someone#i was sitting there feeling stupid and thinking wow you could have at least praised my friend's art sytle or something#and when i was getting ready to leave she asked me if i was aware my writing has no artistic merit and fantasy is trivial literature#so i should just stop wasting time on that and focus on developing my art style more for her future poetry collections#i do the art for her book covers#and added how we already have an established writer in the family so i should focus on my role - becoming a good pharmacist#and she knows how much i hate that i'm studying pharmacy like it's the no.1 cause of me hating the direction in which my life is going#finished it off by saying she feels like what she's doing in going to be really great and important on a large scale one day#and how she wants me to continue being her shadow that follows and supports her#i left went home and started at a wall for hours#i just feel so dumb for getting excited over a silly drawing of something not more than 5 people will ever read#i genuinely hate the idea of people reading anything i write so most likely writing will just remain a hobby for me#and now i feel like the most stupid person on earth and am this close to deleting all my word documents from both my laptops
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jaxon-c6 · 7 months
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I didn't really draw on paper in a long time (a decade, almost). Last time I did was when I was still in school, during classes instead of paying attention I drew whatever I had in my mind at the moment. I guess it will take some time to get back to where I was back then. Sadly cannot show examples, my family put them on fire because 'it is trash' to live with their words. But I guess I got over that finally, and started with who else than Vulpes Inculta?
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Not the best or most detailed, but I am still proud of myself for being able to overcome a decade of inactivity. First step was starting to draw on my phone, second and more important step is drawing on paper.
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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aenslem · 2 months
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he does look good on his knees 👀
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