#//also i have a bit of a habit of writing long replies too so dont you worry XD

[nhasablogg]

I dont wanna monopolize all your prompts but maybe a short one where Spencer won't/cant go to sleep/is drinking too much coffee to stay awake so someone tickles him to tire him out? Or just to convince him to get some actual rest?

-M

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Characters: Hotch, Reid

A/N: This is probably ooc, but I don't CARE I wanted to write about Hotch and Reid. Also tweaked the prompt a little, hope that's okay!

Words: 1.3k

Hotch didn’t make it a habit to profile his profilers. It didn’t seem ethical, especially not if it didn’t affect their abilities to work. Which was exactly why it took him slightly too long to realize that Reid was sleep deprived.

“How many hours of sleep per night does a person need to function normally?” he asked him that afternoon.

Reid looked up from his paperwork, one hand gripping his fifth cup of coffee. “Between seven and eight depending on age.”

“I see. And how many do you get on a nightly basis?”

Reid straightened, his lips pursing. “I sense I made a mistake.”

“How many, Reid?”

“Mmm.”

“Reid.”

“Maybe two?”

“Two?”

“Not every single night of my life!” Reid scrambled to add. “But. Recently.”

Hotch rubbed at his temples. “Jesus. For how long?”

“A couple of weeks.”

“Reid. You need to lay off the coffee.”

“It’s not because of that,” Reid said, holding up his hands. “It’s the only way I can focus during the day. It doesn’t matter how tired I am at night. I just can’t seem to sleep.”

“Nightmares?” Hotch remembered when Morgan had approached him about it a few years ago, when Reid’s nightmares had started.

Reid shrugged. “Partly. I’ve been able to handle them before, though.”

“We experience new things all the time. It’s nothing to be ashamed of if you find it harder now.”

“I’m not ashamed.” But he wouldn’t meet Hotch’s eyes now, turning back to his pile of papers.

Hotch huffed, wondering how to approach this. It wasn’t as if he could physically make sure Reid was sleeping.

Unless…

“I want you to take a nap right now.”

Reid turned back to him. “Sorry?”

“We have a couch and a quiet room for a reason. This job’s demanding. I order you to go to sleep.”

Reid held up his cup. “But I’m five coffees down,” he said weakly.

“Then starting tomorrow you’re not allowed to have any more coffee past noon and will take a nap after lunch.”

“Sir, with all due respect-”

“No arguing.”

Reid’s mouth snapped shut, but Hotch caught him mumbling something along the lines of “Morgan will tease me to death” as he left him.

And Morgan did, stopping only when Hotch shot him a look the next day. “I think I should enforce this rule on everyone if I’m being honest. I doubt you’re taking care of yourselves as you should.” Everyone squirmed, refusing to look at him. “Hm. Reid, come on, the room is ready for you.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes. You look exhausted as it is.”

“I’m fine, Hotch, I promise.”

“Didn’t I say no arguing?”

Reid sighed, following Hotch into the room. It was nothing special really, but it had a couch by the wall, a table and a chair for when you needed complete privacy while working or eating, and a small window with the blinds closed, just in case you needed daylight. Hotch rarely was in here, and he had no doubts his agents barely knew of its existence.

“There’s blankets and extra pillows,” he said, pointing to a basket. “You get an hour.”

“What if I can’t fall asleep?” Reid asked quietly, arms crossed. Holding himself rather than displaying defiance, Hotch noted.

“Just resting is also good for you.” Hotch softened, taking in the young agent. How much he’d seen much too young. “Please try, Reid. Please.”

Hotch left him before he could reply.

*

Reid found him 27 minutes later, hair somewhat unruly and his eyes containing something that nearly scared Hotch a bit. “I can’t. Hotch, I can’t.”

“Reid, Reid, calm down. What is it?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Reid-”

“I just can’t, I-” He ran a hand over his face. “It’s not that I don’t want to.”

He saw the frustration in the kid now. How he probably spent weeks trying and failing to get the rest he needed. How that was slowly etching itself into his bones and spilling over.

Hotch sighed, wondering if he was crossing a line. “Come with me.”

They went back to the room and Hotch had him sit down next to him on the couch.

“Relax,” he told him. “It’s okay. I want to try something.”

“Okay.”

“I do this to Jack when he can’t sleep. I know you’re not a child,” he added when Reid opened his mouth. “But I think this could help as long as you’re not uncomfortable with me touching you.”

“Uh.”

“Or we can get someone else to do it. Maybe Morgan.”

“What exactly do you have in mind?”

“Jack relaxes when I stroke his back,” he explained, finding himself smiling softly. “I figured sometimes you just need to know that someone is there. It also helps you relax.”

Reid exhaled. “Is that- something you want to do for me?”

“Of course.” Hotch said it with no hesitation, although still wondering if it was appropriate. But their job literally involved them sleeping and eating and crying around each other. He saw no reason why this would be different. “If you want me to.”

“I guess it can’t hurt,” Reid mumbled, suddenly blushing and turning away from him. “I, uh, should I lie down?”

Hotch hadn’t thought of the details. “Yes, I’ll- I’ll sit on the chair.”

“Okay.”

It was awkward, as they shuffled to get in position. Hotch wheeled the chair over, realizing it was probably much too high for him to comfortably touch Reid, but it would have to do. Reid was facing the back of the couch, visibly tense and waiting for Hotch to approach.

“Just tell me if you want me to stop, okay?”

“Are you gonna keep doing it until I fall asleep? Because that will probably take hours.”

Hotch really hadn’t thought this through. “I’ll do it for a bit just to help you relax, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’m gonna touch you now, okay?”

“Okay.”

It was strange, to be petting your co-worker, but to be fair it wasn’t the strangest thing he’d done for this job. Reid lay completely still as Hotch let his fingertips run over his back, over his spine and shoulder blades and the nape of his neck. He shivered slightly, which made Hotch smile. Despite everything Reid hadn’t lost his humanity.

“How’s that?”

“Feels good,” Reid mumbled. Hotch could imagine him blushing, eyes closing and mouth slightly agape.

“And a little weird?”

Reid breathed out a laugh. “And a little weird,” he agreed.

Hotch laughed too, running his fingers down Reid’s spine toward his lower back. “Well, hopefully you’ll relax anyway- oh.”

Reid had twitched away from him with a yelp, glancing back at him briefly enough for Hotch to catch his panicked expression. “Uh.”

“Did I cross a line?” Hotch asked, equally as panicked.

“No, no, I just- Ugh.” He turned back around, pressing his face to the couch. “I think I’m good now, sir, thank you, you can leave now.”

“Reid, what-”

“I’ll fall asleep in no time.”

“Reid.” Hotch grabbed his arm. “What happened?”

Reid sighed. “It’s stupid.”

“If I overstepped-”

“You did nothing wrong, it just tickled.”

“Oh.”

Oh.

“I didn’t know you were ticklish.”

“How could you have known?”

“I’ll be more careful. Is it just your lower back?”

Reid didn’t reply instantly. “My sides. Back ribs. Shoulder blades if you’re being very gentle.”

“I see.”

“Neck too.”

“So I have about one fourth of your back that’s safe to touch,” he joked and Reid groaned, clearly embarrassed. “Sorry. I’ll be careful. Although it would have been fun to hear you giggle.”

“I don’t giggle.”

“I’m sure that’s a lie.” In a moment of rare playfulness, Hotch gave Reid’s side a poke, earning something akin to a shriek. “Sorry.”

“You did that on purpose.”

“I think I know what to do now next time you refuse to sleep.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would. Now be still and let me continue. I promise not to tickle you.”

Reid did. Hotch deserved a medal for keeping his word.

[cosmica-galaxy]

hey there, cosmica, how you doin? hope you’re fine. i just wanna drop by and say smt. anyways, this is dally speaking here, pardon for the anon, im a bit uncomfortable bringing up this topic.

i know you mean well, and i know you like my purgatory mode series, and even drew fanart of it, which i appreciate.

but im truly sorry having to go here and telling you that- but i really would like if you could uh- you know, stop associating your god purgy with my series. if that even makes sense. (sorry, english isnt my first language)

again, im really sorry having to burst bubbles. i do appreciate your design on the player, i really do.

but….i think it would be better if you would make her your own player, rather than associating her with my stories, even if you’re inspired by it.

i know you’re changing her backstories and all, but would it be okay if you could also change her name too? perhaps its too much, but i think purgy would pass off as another kind of player rather than just being stuck in purgatory mode series because you got inspired by it. (im sorry if i sound like im bargaining)

i have my personal reasons on why im doing this, and i dont normally do this tbh. its not that because i have a dislike on the god readers troupe, i actually quite enjoy them. ive written some stuff there that are based on my life, and also doing the series as a coping mechanism, as well as other stuff contributing to it.

i know god players are kinda popular here, but i truly dont want my series to be apart of this until im comfortable enough to allow it, or until i write far enough in the pm au to give the ok. even if its your version of purgatory player.

like i said, i appreciate and love your design on purgatory player, but i feel like this is just going too far in the god players au.

i think your purgy can be better off being her own player rather than just a player in purgatory mode au.

as much as i want to allow you to keep her name, im afraid i have to ask you to stop. purgatory mode is more than just another au of saltys self aware au to me, since i kinda add snippets of my struggles here and there- like telling two sides of a story if you squint your eyes really hard.

i really dont want this to be another incident i had to suffer last year. so thats why im here, before things get worse.

if you’re struggling about naming her, i’d be happy to help. just drop by in my inbox anytime even doe it’ll take a long time for me to reply ^^ (dont dm me doe, i get socially awkward in the dms and also uncomfortable)

again, im sorry to come here and ruin your party. i didnt mean it to happen.

-dallyfae

I understand and it's perfectly okay to explain your reasoning and set boundaries.

I've been actually trying to abide by your wishes, as I've been searching through the tags to edit the God!Player stuff and remove your tags from them and even made a post addressing how you felt about it and how I was trying to remedy it, since you desire to not be associated with the God!Players AU. I've even been trying to rename Purgy. I still like the name, but I think it would be fitting to change it. But people already associate the name with my design, so there's going to be some difficulties altering it. I've also been trying to change her backstory to instead become the god of grunt reincarnation rather than purgatory, just to further separate the AU and end most similarities. It's just a habit that I keep calling her Purgy, and she is also now considered an original character to me. As well as making them different and set purely into the God!Player AU, Purgy won't have connections to Purgatory AU anymore. I'll be trying my best to cut the ties and change up the character. So no hard feelings. : )

[onismdaydream]

hewwo you can totally ignore this/not reply etc. whatever i just think i will be too long for a reply and also if u wanna delete the post lmao but totally get u with your vent in like feeling like you need validation with writing and fics and its such a bad habit of mine too putting my self worth into how 'successful' fics are

you're so right though in that at least some people like your works and that means youre decent in your words!! it's really tough to come to terms with, but there's likely a whole TON of people who like your writing and don't show it in the form of likes, reblogs or comments. it's nice having that visual validation but there's most likely a handful of people that have your fics bookmarked in their browsers or phones or saved the links somewhere for them to go back and read whether they have made their presence known or not

as well im still trying to like remind myself of this lmao but a lot of notes/verbal validation doesn't always mean good or bad. i dont wanna shit on other people but there's a lot of fics/drabbles/posts that aren't great imo or are so vague and bland but have thousands of notes and have so much praise and shit beneath them. obviously thats my opinion but it just means that lots of visual validation in notes ≠ good fic/post!! some of the best things i've ever read have very little notes and i can't understand why and feel like it deserves more in comparison

idk im sorry i hope even a little bit of this helps for a moment lmao i go through this same mindset everytime i post or even when im writing and feeling anxious and down on myself so i totally get where you're coming from and you're not alone in it. best thing is to remind yourself of that and think about the people who do like your stuff and if you like what you write then it shouldnt matter if the masses don't feel the same!! <3

(sorry if this was overstepping and u just wanted to vent in peace lkfghdgkj)

this is so sweet omg.. thank you melk <3

i feel better now but yeah its so easy to get into my own head about this type of thing so i go through it a lot. i try my best to not spiral but i think i was already having a bad day yesterday so it kinda just piled up to the point that i needed to complain. i really appreciate you taking the time to send this, it means a lot

[soconfusedwithmylife]

nahh my guy not the sickness. ive also had fever Twice in just the last week like how in the fuck. the weather is flip flopping here so much even during the day so my body's pretty much like

omg i love subnautica!! ive been playing that shit since early access its one of my favorite games! but!! you foole! you baffone! i just build my base in the safe shallows and farm pretty plants and collect eggs to hatch and live out my best aquatic farmer life. my life philosophy is that any game can be a domestic simulator if you try hard enough. also im even scared of the fucking gasopods and everytime i have to retrieve something from the aurora (its stupid decorative shit and they take multiple runs cause they take so much space even with two storage upgrades on my seamoth and i have to have All Of Them) i am SHITTING myself and trying stay on the surface which makes me seamoth look like a dolphin the way it keeps jumping in and out of water. like mfs out there speedrunning this shit meanwhile it takes me 10 hours just to leave grassy plateaus like please T-T one time i was on the laser island and saw a time capsule near shore and as i was trying to get to it a fucking warper stARTED TO WALK ON SAND TO GET TO ME. so anyways i deleted that save and downloaded a mod to make them extinct. anytime the game tries to spawn a warper the mod nopes it out of existence it feels me with a sick joy. omg i talked too much again hnnng sorry i hope these are not boring oh well you can always delete them

also that tomura and dabi bit is so out of the place did i send the ant message?? i remember writing it but i dont remember if i sent it or not, although if you just wanted to randomly declare tomura god mid sentence thats valid too and i also have an unhealthy habit of randomly declaring tomura god like old ladies with their religions

Dang 💀 we both got it rough rn. I hope you're feeling better though! And the weather where I am has been so cold, it's so nice after the heat of the summer. I wish it was winter all the time.

And SAME. I remember watching Markiplier play it during early release and getting it day 1 on my PS4. It's also one of my faves but God, does it give me bad anxiety 💀 anytime I'm not in the safe shallows, grassy plains, or the kelp forest, I'm jumping at every noise. I like to act like I'm a total beast going to the inactive lava zone and standing on top of the lava castle in my prawn suit but the moment I see a warper, I'm out of there. No thanks, nope, not for me 🪦 I also prefer the aquatic farming simulator. It brings me joy to build the alien containment and fill it with eggs. Especially cuddle fish. I also, prefer to have my base totally decked out to the 9's but I DESPISE reapers. If I had enough courage to kill them all, I would but I'm on console so no commands and I'm too scared to shank them to death. WARPERS. no cause explain why I had the EXACT same thing happen to me?!? I almost had a heart attack when I turned around and saw it eye to eye staring at me 💀 then one of those jumping crab things bit me and I turned off my PS4 in a panic and lost an hour worth of gameplay.

You are NEVER boring. I apologize for taking so long to reply. I've been very busy and bey sick but I really do love hearing from you. I could literally talk about Subnautica and below zero for hours. I love those games so much. And I'm so glad you love Subnautica too cause 😫😫 (I wonder if theres a text limit? Cause you said yours was long but mine is longEST)

Yeah that was about the ant message 💀 I didn't want to blow you up so I tried to answer in one. But yes, I have a small alter for both. I am but a pious follower of shigadabi-ism. Praise them 😩 (I'm not crazy, I swear 💀 I just like them an unhealthy amount)

[magioffire]

6 , 26

munday questions ; accepting

who  was  your  very  first  muse ?  would  you  consider  writing  them  now ?

my first muse....my first character i rped was a warrior cat oc so...probs not bringing that back LOL. but my first real bonafide character more in line with what i write now would be my vampire oc, lilith, a queen of vampires esque character. i actually wrote a short novella with her serving as the main antagonist and protagonist (the novella took place from two points of views: lilith's and the monster hunter well..hunting her) i would be tempted to bring her into the rp scene if i wasn't already so engrossed in the beatha universe. lilith has her own story and universe and trying to focus on developing that *and* beatha would be very difficult. however maybe one day...

is  there  something  about  the  roleplay  community  that  irks  you ?

honestly im not nearly as bothered by things that used to drive me up a wall before. maybe ive matured or maybe ive become jaded but a lot of the things that used to irk me/piss me off/annoy me for a while in the rpc now feel like very minor annoyances. ill come across certain habits of the rpc that annoy me a bit but i often just let it roll off me. ive also found myself a community that is pretty good natured and low on drama. BUT like any salty bitch i still have things to pick at, mostly big overarching problems ive seen in fandom spaces in general, not just rpc.

(this is kinda long lol)

i think the consistent irritation i find within the roleplay community on a general scale is the mentality some people have of entitlement, and on the flip side 'i dont owe anyone anything' syndrome.

the amount of times ive seen passive aggressive anons slung at people complaining about people not rping enough, or not rping a specific thing, or rping too much of a specific thing or with specific people, is so annoying to see. people being called elitist for rping with the rp partners and friends they mesh well with.

theres already an unsaid pressure within the rpc to be regularly active but not just that, regularly writing, and having people go on anon to complain about people's output just makes the environment feel even more pressured and uncomfortable for everyone. if you feel concerned about someone's level of interaction towards you personally or in general, thats something you gotta figure out in private. understand theres a person behind the screen and that its okay for people to have favorites, or for their tastes/current writing desires to shift.

and maybe stop expecting your rp partners devote themselves entirely to the rps they have going with you, or drop everything to start a new rp with a completely new rp partner when they are already swamped with threads. you guys gotta remember that the vast majority of people on this site have multiple rp partners -- one of them, multiple others. its selfish and unrealistic to expect someone to devote the same amount of time equally to absolutely everyone.

and then you got people who have the mentality of feeling like they dont owe anyone anything, not even communication and common decency. the kinda people who drop and softblock their rp partners like a sack of hot potatoes when they get bored or are mildly annoyed by them or they take too long to reply. or the kinda people who reply to any sort of criticism, even if its constructive, with their snotty, inflammatory 'i dont owe anyone anything' attitude. i've unfollowed people for this kind of attitude in the past, it bothers me so much.

ive seen where that sort of mentality goes sometimes and it can leads to justifying shitty, anti-social behavior. i understand that people had to develop a defensive mentality of not giving away every single shred of their time and mental well being to strangers on the internet, in a world where its increasingly easy for strangers to invade your space and demand you pay attention to them and adhere to their standards...sometimes you gotta tell a fucker whose getting too assumptive or is too entitled to kick rocks.

but like...not preforming emotional labor for every single person you meet is NOT the same as giving people common decency and doing your best to give clear standards and communication. 'i dont owe you anything' honestly it feels like people assume that mentality and take it to its natural extreme because of laziness and a fear of conflict. its easier to just absolve oneself of any responsibility towards others with an attitude like that, but you wont end up with very many long term rp partners in the end.

also speaking of people expecting others to adhere to their standards...i cant fucking stand the anti and pro shipper discourse. like please god. shut up. this is the most asinine discourse ive ever seen. please stoppp. ive seen that sort of discourse bleed into the rpc and its just....it lacks any sort of nuance.

its super annoying to go onto someone's blog and have someone call you a freak (and not in an affectionate way) and equates you to a predator if you dare to like toxic or questionable ships looool.

its okay to not like certain things, its okay to think certain things are a bridge too far for you personally, its okay to just *not like something*. there doesnt need to be a whole moral reason behind it, you dont have to find a way to demonize everyone who writes things you dont like. i have limits, you have limits, we *all* have limits, and those limits are okay to have, but they are not okay to impose onto others.

its also annoying to go onto someones blog and see that they give absolutely no shits about putting any sort of warning on their non con monster ra/pe farm g/uro vo/re saltwater enema kidnapping whump destruction roleplay and then call you a snowflake pussy when you decide to dip outta there because thats not your cup of tea and theres no way for you to reasonably block it. im not saying you cant write that. in fact ill fight for your right to write whatever the hell you want with other consenting adults as long as it doesnt stray into the realm of something illegal (like ch/ild p/orn or re/venge po/rn).

im just saying you cant call others the bad guys or 'overtly sensitive' for not being into something that is obviously very taboo and/or dark like you are. (it is important to have a standard/boundary of what is and isnt okay for you personally, and you can do that without policing others!!) like lets have some common sense here

[lloydskywalkers]

any port in a storm

Pixal and Lloyd and the evolving nature of friendship, as highlighted by the regular burning down of your city. 

(desperately trying to break through writer’s block and classes again, this was supposed to be under 2k and it is...very much not hdfjkgh but! i’ve been meaning to write for Pixal and Lloyd for a while so here are a whole bunch of feelings about the two of them and s8)

Pixal meets — truly meets — Lloyd Garmadon shortly after his brother’s been blown to pieces.

She says truly, because if you ask her, Pixal will tell you she met Lloyd Garmadon at exactly 8:48 in the evening outside his father’s monastery, moments before a horde of nindroids led there by Pixal herself descended upon them.

But Lloyd argues that since they said about two words total to each other, it doesn’t really count as meeting, and by the time Pixal’s spending the better part of her day with him running high and low around Ninjago City, she’s learned that it’s easier not to press the point.

Lloyd can be stubborn, like that.

She’d first learned that when she’d met him, just after they’d lost Zane. That loss hadn’t lasted long, especially for Pixal, but the immediate aftermath of it had been devastating. She’d watched with blank eyes as the team had fractured, splitting at the seams as they all fled their separate ways, too heartsore and dizzy with grief to do much otherwise.

All of them had fled, save Lloyd. She hadn’t paid him much attention before that point, the surprisingly small bearer of the Golden Power. Of course, he wasn’t the bearer of that power anymore, but his eyes alone had shown the experience of it. There’d been a brief, lost look that had crossed his face as the others had mentioned leaving, before it had been swept under a mask of stubborn, determined blankness. He wouldn’t be leaving. Someone had to stay behind and watch out for things, he’d claimed, even as the loss had bled through his voice.

Pixal hadn’t quite grasped the concept of empathy at that point, but she’d felt something dangerously close to it.

At any rate, the only interaction they’d had alone was brief. In fact, the only one Pixal can truly remember — and her memory never fails — is the quick exchange they’d had in the hospital lobby directly after the battle. The hospital was for Mr. Borg, and for the ninja’s minor injuries.

There was nothing any hospital on earth could do for Zane.

Pixal had found herself next to Lloyd in the waiting room, trying to distract herself from those thoughts while Lloyd stared at the stark white tiling with dull eyes.

“They never mentioned what your power was,” she’d asked him, almost absently. Collecting data, processing information — anything she could do to distract from the crushing grief.

“Oh.” Lloyd had blinked, startling back into awareness. He’d suddenly looked painfully young. “It’s, ah, I guess it’s just green, now.”

It had been Pixal’s turn to blink. “Green.”

“Yeah.” Lloyd had bit his lip, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly, two habits he’ll never quite lose. “I mean — it’s more than that, but it’s like — energy, I guess, is the best way to put it?”

“Interesting,” Pixal had remarked.

“Yeah.”

They’d stared at each other in silence after that, before they’d both been called off to other errands — and then they were having Zane’s funeral and then Pixal was making realizations she never got to tell anyone, and that had been that in her early introductions to Lloyd Garmadon. Quiet, awkward, and possessing an incredible power he hardly even knew the name of.

Looking back, Pixal figures her introduction hadn’t gone much better.

They’d continued as passing acquaintances as time went on, separated by danger and the confines of Zane’s head, and Pixal had figured that’s all they’d ever be. But then their Sensei goes missing and, despite Pixal’s increasing disappearances on Zane as she rebuilds her own body, she’s been given the role of watching out for Ninjago city along with Lloyd.

She quickly learns that quiet is not a term fit for Lloyd Garmadon when you’re trapped alone with him.

************

“How is there not a single station playing actual music?” Lloyd seethes, flicking through the channels almost manically. “It’s two am, who’s gonna be listening to your stupid commercial for toothpaste now, are you kidding me?”

“Statistically speaking, this is the prime time for long-distance driving near Ninjago City,” Pixal supplies, her voice a hint scratchy where it comes through the his car’s radio speakers. “Or, if you factor in the construction in the east district, there could still be traffic from late-night bars.”

Lloyd groans, thunking his head against the steering wheel as another ad screeches through the small space. “Wonderful.”

“Your vocal tones suggest you find it otherwise.”

“Dont trust ‘em, my vocal tones are traitors.” As if to solidify his point, Lloyd’s voice cracks in the middle of his sentence, shooting up an octave higher. Lloyd goes bright red, and thunks his head against the steering wheel again.

Taking pity on him, Pixal aims for reassurance. “It is normal for your voice to break, Lloyd. It shouldn’t last too long.” She pauses, momentarily scanning through another article. “On second thought, this one suggests it could also take two to three years for your voice to stabilize.”

Lloyd gives a strangled moan. “End me.”

“Unfortunately, that would defeat the purpose of why I’m here in the first place.”

Lloyd tilts his head, cracking an eye open as he glances at the camera feed he knows she’s watching him from. “Unfortunately, huh,” he muses. “So you’re saying if Zane hadn’t made you promise to look out for me, you would end me?”

“That — no, that is not — of course I wouldn’t end you,” Pixal backtracks. An odd feeling flickers through her, almost as if she’s lost her place, floundering.

Or embarrassed might be more accurate, she thinks wryly. She briefly considers projecting a a glaring face at Lloyd from the monitor. This is his fault. She rarely stuttered before Lloyd started teasing her at all hours of the morning.

“I mean, you wouldn’t be the first,” Lloyd continues, conversationally. “And if we’re being honest, I’d definitely rather you be the one to off me, instead of like, random bad guy number eighty-five—”

“I know you think you are funny,” Pixal cuts over him. “But casually planning for your death is something Kai listed I was not to let you do. Also, it is not nearly as funny as you think it is.”

“Ouch,” Lloyd mutters, though he looks chastised. “Never mind, you just took me out in one sentence.”

Chastised might be the wrong term.

Pixal studies him through the monitor, then sighs. “I am, however, honored you think highly enough of me to offer the right to murder you,” she gives in.

She’s rewarded as Lloyd breaks into a bright grin.

He still looks painfully young these days, but it’s less obvious. His voice is pitching lower and he wears his hair different, and he’s gained a whip-like tendency to quip at people, as Pixal’s experienced firsthand. Kai calls it sass in grumbling but fond tones, and Nya calls it snark somewhere between the fourth book series she’s sent for Pixal to try.

The ninja have been kind like that, sharing the interests they have in an attempt to make her feel…well, more human, she supposes. Less confined to a voice in a computer. Of course, Pixal isn’t confined to a voice in a computer anymore, but they don’t know that yet. She’ll tell them someday soon, she promises herself. Any day now.

In the meantime, it’s easy enough to keep up with Lloyd by lurking in his car radio, as he spends half his time in there anyways.

************

“You’d think we’d have found their hideout by now,” Lloyd notes, as they wait in a darkened alleyway again. It gives them an excellent view of the major highways, so if the rumored biker gang does show up, they won’t miss it.

If they show up being the key point.

“Whoever their leader is, they certainly know how to keep a low profile,” Pixal answers, closing out another dead end police report in frustration.

“It’s weird,” Lloyd says, propping the notebook he’s sketching in on his knee as he squints at the paper. “Normally the boss types aren’t this quiet. They like to show off, y’know? Make a big scene, dramatic speeches and all.”

“Are you referring to the villains, or yourselves?”

“Touché,” Lloyd snorts. “But still, you gotta admit it’s weird they haven’t even made any demands. What’s their end game here, elaborate advertising for motorcycle design?”

“I would hope not,” Pixal says. “Their color coordination is lacking.”

Lloyd fights back a smile, his pencil scratching as he shifts his notebook again. “I don’t know, I kinda like the punk look.”

“I noticed that, when you tried to redecorate the car.”

“Hey, skulls are cool.”

“They are also conspicuous, especially when they come in acid green colors.”

“Everyone’s a critic,” Lloyd sighs, making a face as he scrubs the eraser across the paper. Pixal tries to tilt the camera further, to see what he’s drawing tonight, but the angle he’s holding it at remains just out of sight.

She could probably guess what he’s drawing, if she tried. The notebook is one they’ve been steadily working their way through on these late-night patrols, the pages filled with little hangman games and Lloyd’s sketches of animals and his teammates. He’s drawn her a few times from memory, and she’s been tempted to ask him to draw her in the new Samurai X armor more than once.

Soon, she tells herself.

“What are you drawing?” she finally asks, curiosity getting the better of her.

Lloyd’s cheeks tinge pink, and he quickly plasters the notebook to his chest, hiding it entirely from view. “Nothing.”

Pixal waits, letting the silence fill with her judgement. “Lloyd, I have seen your drawings before.”

He doesn’t reply, and Pixal tries again. “It gets boring, being stuck with the car monitors for eyes.”

“I know you can hack other cameras,” Lloyd mutters, but he sighs, relenting as he turns the notebook over. Pixal’s eyes rake over the detailed sketch — it’s a comical little thing of her and Lloyd, jammed together on a tiny lifeboat in the middle of a darkening ocean. She can spot the smudges where he’s redrawn her head several times, and the numerous attempts he’s made at his own hair. Pixal studies Lloyd’s portrayal of himself, which is noticeably lacking in facial features. While Lloyd draws the others plenty, it’s a rare occasion that he draws himself, and she can’t help but be curious.

“I thought you were drawing the others again,” she admits.

“They’re on the ship,” Lloyd says, absently. “I’ll draw them when they remember to pull us back in.”

There’s nothing bitter in his tone to suggest it has any bearing on their actual lives, but the lost expressions Lloyd ends up giving their tiny caricatures feel familiar nonetheless.

“Zane has assured me they will be back as soon as they can,” Pixal speaks ups quietly.

Lloyd finally looks up fully, and flashes the monitor a smile. “I know,” he says. “So we better have this thing busted by the time they do, or they’ll never let us run a city on our own again.”

“If only we were truly running the city,” Pixal grumbles. “I could do a better job in two days than the current leaders could do in a year.”

“I’d vote for you,” Lloyd says, sincerely.

It’s a sweet gesture, but Pixal is unable to resist. “You don’t know how to vote.”

“Yes I do, it’s not hard!”

“Really? Then why are you not currently registered in the Ninjago voting system?”

Lloyd makes a strangled noise. “That’s a thing?”

She’s unable to keep the smugness from her voice. “I make my point.” Lloyd scowls, and scribbles a mustache on his drawing of her in revenge.

Pixal thinks it looks nice nonetheless.

************

She can’t really hold it against Lloyd for talking as much as he does, considering she does the same. It gets dull, sitting on patrol for hours on end, and there are only so many hours of light reading they can do before the silence begins to drive them both insane.

Pixal finds herself talking about more useless things with Lloyd than she has in her existence, pointless conversations in circles with each other. She also finds she doesn’t entirely mind. She’s become quite good at quipping back and forth with him, at least. It’s different than the kind of talk she has with Zane, lacking in the depth of feeling with the love they share. Her exchanges with Lloyd are lighter, though that’s not to say they’re less sincere.

For example, Zane hasn’t tried to teach her how to redesign a gi in poor lighting in the early hours of the morning because he’s bored out of his mind, that’s for sure.

“I’m teaching you how to sew,” Lloyd corrects, wincing as he accidentally stabs himself with the needle. “And I’m not redesigning the whole thing, I’m just adding some designs to spice it up.”

“I did not know you were allowed to wear colors other than green,” Pixal comments.

Lloyd pauses, squinting at the monitor. “You’re teasing me,” he finally says. “You’re making fun of how much green this gi has in it.”

“I would never,” Pixal replies, her tone flat and even. “The intricacies of your human humor evade me—”

“Human humor, nice—”

“—unlike the unusually bright shade of green you’ve chosen will fail to evade any eyes of your enemies.”

“I knew you were making fun of me!” Lloyd accuses, then flinches as he stabs his finger again trying to point at her. “And bright colors are our thing. Being subtle is, uh…not. Usually.”

Pixal is losing the battle to laugh at his expression by the minute. “I am shocked.”

Lloyd glares at the monitor, shifting his sewing to rest on his knees as he slouches in the car seat. “How’d you even get so good at sarcasm, anyways,” he mutters. “Zane still doesn’t get it half the time.”

“Perhaps it is part of my glowing personality,” Pixal says. Lloyd gives a huff of laughter, relenting.

“Fair enough,” he says, shifting in his seat again. “Fine, you win. The green is probably too bright, but that’s not the point. I’m gonna show you how to do a backstitch."

Pixal falls quiet, letting Lloyd gesture with the needle as he explains. There are a hundred, a thousand tutorials she could pull up online, digitized knowledge instantly learned on all the countless types of stitches she could use, sorted and categorized in neat columns of use and effectiveness. All of them more detailed, more easily understood than Lloyd’s absent rambling and unsteady hands as he struggles with the end of a knot.

Not one of them will care whether or not Pixal learns the odd way Zane likes to loop his stitches, or will quietly add which stitches knit skin back together quickest.

So Pixal ignores her programming, and does her best to follow Lloyd’s rambling instructions, watching as his scarred fingers tug another thread of dull gold through the green mess of fabric, the city quiet around them.

“You never did tell me where you learned how to sew,” Pixal says, as Lloyd starts up a new thread of black on the other side of the gi. “Was that something the others taught you in training?”

“They’d have to know how to be able to teach it,” Lloyd snickers. “And, uh, no. I taught myself to back at Darkley’s.”

“Oh,” Pixal falters. She’s heard about Darkley’s, both from Zane and the legal reports she’s read online. Neither gave a positive impression of the place. Her mind is suddenly filled with images of a younger Lloyd trying to give himself stitches, and her heart twists.

Lloyd starts, seemingly having picked up on her train of thought. “I mean, I did it for fun, mostly. I like sewing,” he explains. “It’s useful. You can pull things back together, and fix ‘em.”

Pixal is quiet, but she hopes Lloyd takes her silence as agreement with his motive. She likes to think he knows her well enough for that, by now.

************

Pixal finds, somewhere during their fourth month alone, that she’s glad the team elected to stick her and Lloyd together. Not because she doesn’t want to be with Zane — there’s never a moment she doesn’t miss him, and with every day that passes her resolve to keep her secret from him grows weaker, as the longing for actual connection grows stronger.

But there are conversations she can have with Lloyd that she can never have with Zane, and the dangerous thing about spending time with Lloyd, Pixal finds, is that they’re more similar than she’s realized.

“Sometimes I think I’m jealous,” Lloyd whispers to her one night. It’s one of the bad ones, the ones where their enemies struck too sudden to stop, and the mission ends in the hospital. “I think I’m jealous of Zane, and I hate myself for it.”

Pixal is quiet, trying to pick apart the tone of his voice in the words he’s just spoken, and factors in the victims they’ve just left behind at the hospital. She finds herself no closer to an answer.

“Is it the metal skin part?” she finally asks, though she knows that’s wrong. “The, what was it, technical immortality?”

“No,” Lloyd shakes his head. “I’m not afraid of dying,” he says emphatically, his fingers fluttering at over the steering wheel, tapping incessantly with unspent energy. “I don’t want to, but that’s — it’s not what I’m scared of. I’m more scared of how I go out.”

He swallows, and his fingers move to dance over the woven bracelet on his wrist instead, twisting at the tiny beads and tracing senseless designs in constant, steady movement. It’s a motion he does often, and it had puzzled Pixal at first. She’d decided to write it off as an odd tick, a way to spend excess energy.

Now, she recognizes the desperate kind of reassurance that movement gives. She understands too well the need to remind yourself that you can move — that your body will obey you and you alone.

Pixal thinks back to the other factors in tonight’s accident, of the way the drugged man’s eyes had cleared when they’d finally turned him over to the police, the way he’d sworn he’d never do such a thing in his right mind. She thinks of the way the first victim had thrown themselves over their companion.

That victim hadn’t made it to the hospital.

“Ah,” Pixal says, quietly.

She’s silent again, and she thinks back to when she’d met him, the very first time. She recalls the way her programming had rebelled against her in favor of the Overlord, corrupting her body and forcing it against her, twisting everything she was and wanted to be into something different.

She thinks back again, to the searing-hot anger, the terror, the despair as she was torn apart, piece by piece like a machine, burning out at the whims of another. Her end purposeless, her demise belonging to someone else, just like every other part of her.

She thinks of the last glimpse she’d caught of Zane, bright and beautiful as a supernova. Burning with the terrible brilliance of his own, determined choice. Terrible, because the death of something always is. Beautiful, because it was his own. Zane died, not a machine, not a weapon, not a tool of anyone or anything, but as himself. Zane died to save the ones he loves. Pixal could’ve died for spare parts.

Never again, she promises herself. If she goes out, she goes out on her own terms. This time, they choose the end of their own destiny themselves.

In hindsight, it’s the kind of promise they’re both too young to make, but neither of them have ever seen themselves as such, and promises like that are easy.

“Love can be terrible, sometimes,” Lloyd murmurs. Pixal watches him scrub at the blood on his uniform, and thinks how ironically well-timed it is that he finished the stitching on his new gi this morning. “Sometimes I forget how ugly it can be.”

************

The end of their nighttime stakeouts begins with a break-in at Mr. Borg’s tower. Lloyd argues that she should get to call it her father’s tower, if she wants, but the ninja aren’t the only ones Pixal’s hiding herself from.

And then Lloyd gets very tense at the thought of fathers very fast, and they never finish the conversation.

They stay at the edge of the bridge long after the parachute, emblazoned with the unmistakable visage of Lloyd’s father, disappears from sight. Pixal wonders if it’s burned into Lloyd’s eyes, like the way she’s read black spots linger in humans’ vision after they’ve looked at something too bright. The way Lloyd stares at the river, his shoulders tense and his teeth worrying at his lip, she thinks she might be right.

They’re waiting on the report from the commissioner —they’re waiting for anything, anyone who can offer them any explanation of what’s going on. Pixal’s reminded of how much she loathes this kind of waiting.

“It could be—” Lloyd begins, then breaks off, his voice wavering. He swallows, and Pixal can see the way his fists clench tightly from the cameras they’ve put in his car. There’s a fierce part of her that longs to reveal herself, to meet his eyes herself and offer some semblance of comfort. But there’s a time and place for things, and Pixal isn’t ready.

“It could be anything,” Lloyd finally continues, his voice small. “It could — it doesn’t mean anything. It could mean nothing, right?”

Pixal is silent, her mind racing. She’s run the calculations over and over in her head already, scouring the internet for anything related to the bikers. She’s been foolish, she realizes — they both have. Letting the gang go unnamed for so long, thinking nothing of it. Now, with the name flashing vibrant across Pixal’s vision, a part of her wants to let them go nameless just a bit longer.

Before she can answer, Lloyds phone goes off with a sharp ping, just as Pixal’s sensors alert her to the message from the commissioner. Lloyd snatches for his phone like it’s on fire, and Pixal’s already scanning the message frantically, as if she can salvage this if she’s fast enough, save Lloyd from this one pain.

Lloyd’s gotten much better at reading quickly though, these days.

She can pinpoint the moment he reaches the last paragraph, because his breath hitches. There’s a long, pressing pause of silence, Lloyd’s hands trembling as they clutch weakly at his phone. Then it’s punctured by a reedy, wheezing gasp, and Pixal’s suddenly wishing she’d revealed herself after all.

Instead, all she has is her voice as Lloyd crumples, crouching over in visible distress. Pixal’s mind races, recalling everything Zane’s ever told her about his team, the way their panic manifests in different shades. Lloyd’s is quiet but desperate, rapid breathes that stutter as his eyes slide more and more into a frightening kind of blankness.

“Lloyd, please, listen to my voice,” she begs, trying to reach him in the only way she can. “Please, you have to breathe—”

“He’s gone,” Lloyd rasps, unhearing of her words. “He’s s’posed to be gone, it’s supposed to be over, I’m supposed to be done—”

Pixal fights back the sense of overwhelming helplessness. She knows loss. She knows how to finish his sentence. He’s supposed to be done grieving, done mourning, done clinging to false scraps of hope that his father isn’t lost forever only to be met with heartbreak.

And now, to be met with the possibility of something so much worse.

“We’ll stop them,” she tells him, unflinching. “We won’t let it happen.”

Lloyd’s eyes are a vivid green where they stare at her through the monitor, almost ghostly in the misting light reflecting from the river.

He’s silent, but Pixal is, too.

Pixal remembers the way her head had spun when she’d first picked up the traces of Zane in the system, how the world had rushed then steadied, flooding with color as she’d realized he might not be lost after all. She remembers the surging, overwhelming flood of joy, that someone she’d thought she lost might live after all. She remembers being so happy, at even the smallest chance to get him back, because the voice was Zane’s, without a doubt.

She watches the color seep from Lloyd’s expression as his shoulders shudder, the words from the commissioner’s message almost echoing through the air. Watches the terror as the both of them fill the silence.

Will we?  

The radio scratches, as if echoing Pixal’s anxiety. Love can be terrible, sometimes. She’s underestimated how it also be so cruel.

************

She’s also, apparently, underestimated how the universe on the whole could be so cruel.

She should’ve revealed herself to them from day one. That way, when Harumi’s corrupted programming suddenly ravages through her like an electric shock, she could be reassured they’d at least be familiar with the person they were fighting.

Instead, she doesn’t even get to scream. Pixal’s only able to force out a desperate, broken warning before she’s lost again, drowning in her own body as she’s forced under. Furious panic grips her as she screams without lungs, bashing herself against the overwhelming helplessness that’s taken over her.

Not again, not again, not again—

Her limbs creak and jolt against her will, lashing out at the people she cares most about, and Pixal can’t even rage back in her own voice. She’s sworn, she’s promised herself she’d never let anyone do this to her again — she’s sworn she’d die before she let someone reach into her head and snatch control away, and yet here she is, frozen as her body’s used to target her friends.

If she could cry, she might.

There’s not much more to say than that. She breaks free, her body her own once again, but by then it’s too late.

************

If Pixal had the same gift of foresight that Zane did, maybe she would have seen it coming. Maybe she’d have remembered how similar her and Lloyd are, and that this kind of pained desperation always yields impulsiveness and mistakes.

She doesn’t, though. She barely even manages to do what she’s trying to, which is convincing Lloyd to join the others while they celebrate their victory. Their off-key singing is something he normally wouldn’t hesitate to join in on, she thinks, and she hates Harumi a little more.

Maybe she’ll try his mother next. The expression on Lloyd’s face screams unapproachable, and remains fixedly sullen.

Almost to her surprise, he meets her eyes as she draws near— it’s odd, being able to meet his back — and his own eyes are dark, from despair over Harumi or despair over his father, Pixal isn’t sure. She’s thinking it might be both, when his eyebrows crease, and a flicker of concern cuts through them instead.

“You good?”

It takes her a moment to realize why he’s asking, but the answer is obvious. Her head tilts downward, and she watches as her fingers curl and uncurl. Her movements, her choices. She lets out an even breath.

“As I can be,” she replies. Lloyd nods, and his eyes are understanding. His lips twist in a scowl.

“She shouldn’t have done that to you. That was a low blow.”

Pixal’s mouth curves into a humorless smile. “That it was. She’s rather good at those, isn’t she.”

Lloyd’s eyes shadow again, and he looks away, crossing his arms. “This isn’t supposed to be about me,” he mutters.

“Yes, it is,” Pixal counters. “It is why I came over here, in the first place. She hurt—”

“All of us, and who’s fault is that,” Lloyd snaps, his arms crossing tighter.

“I would hope you know it’s hers,” she says, holding firm.

Lloyd looks away again, biting his lip, and Pixal shifts anxiously, rolling her wrists. The sensation of control sliding away still haunts her, worse than it had the first time. She should be better than this, she tells herself hotly. She’s lived without a body long enough that losing it so briefly shouldn’t effect her this much.

Curse her programming, she thinks, tapping agitatedly at the banister. She knew she should have reinforce it sooner.

“Hey, um.” Lloyd is looking at her again, hesitant. He twists at his bracelet, and his eyes lose a fraction of that darkness. “Kai made this for me, after Morro,” he says. “I kept shredding the sleeves of my uniform, so he told me to mess with this instead, when I needed to remember that…that I was in control.”

He shrugs, hesitant. “We could make you one too, if you wanted. It helps, having something.”

Pixal lets out a steady breath, despite not actually needing to. The action is grounding, she’s found. “I would like that.”

Lloyd gives her a ghost of a smile in return. “Soon as this is over, then.”

There’s a heavy weight to his words, and Pixal’s eyes narrow.

“Lloyd,” she says. He looks at her, his eyes dark. “Don’t do anything foolish.”

He’s quiet, not meeting her eyes, and this is where Pixal should stop him. This is when she should see the end of the road they’ve been on since they started this, and force him to turn before it’s too late.

“I know what I’m doing.”

She doesn’t.

************

Lloyd is battered and bleeding by the time they drag him onto the ship, a gruesome portrait of cruelty. Pixal is frozen as she watches him writhe in Kai’s hold, his screams cracked and wet as he thrashes erratically like a broken thing.

Nya is already barking orders before they’ve even gotten Lloyd fully on the ship, and Zane is running scans with a horrified, wavering focus. Pixal follows Cole as he carries Lloyd to the medbay with a blank numbness, the rush of wind streaming past the Bounty sails thunderously loud in her ears.

This isn’t Lloyd, she thinks, staring at his crumpled form. Lloyd isn’t this battered, broken shell of a person. Lloyd isn’t hazy eyes that fail to recognize them and frantic murmuring through bloody lips. Lloyd is bright-eyed and gentle and would rather die before he screams the way he does when Cole moves him to the table.

Lloyd is her friend, and this is where that promise they made has led them. She knows why Lloyd set out for the prison, hot on the collapse of his own star. She also knows he wouldn’t have chosen to burn out like this.

Cole calls out for Zane, his voice ringing in panic as Lloyd screeches in pain again. Pixal thinks of quiet words in the safety of his car, and she feels sick. This is the ugliness of love, the terrible, hideous side of it.

And Lloyd would hate it, if he could see himself, if he were any semblance of lucid. He’d hate to know just how much better he was at breaking himself than Morro ever was.

Zane is gentle as he pushes past her, but Pixal can feel the tremble in his hands. He’s every bit as rattled as she is, if not more so — Zane’s heart is larger and softer than hers has ever been, and he cares about each and every one of them with a painful intensity. It’s a cruel thing, to have to pull those same people back together with your own hands.

Kai’s eyes are streaming as he clutches at Lloyd’s wrists, pinning him in place. Zane’s hands waver again over one of the jagged wounds near Lloyd’s ribcage, the green of his uniform already dyed dark in blood, soaking over the careful stitches Pixal watched him put in himself.

Pixal finally finds her footing, reminding herself of the solid wood beneath her feet. She recalls the steady, smooth stitch Lloyd’s scarred fingers traced out for her.

“Here.” She takes the needle from Zane’s hands, squeezing his briefly before letting go. “I can do it.”

She sets the needle against Lloyd’s skin and wonders what kind of stitch it’d take to pull your heart back together.  

************

Pixal cannot cry. It’s one of the features Mr. Borg spent hours debating, weighing the pros and cons of giving her the ability before he was truly sure how rust-proof she was. He’d never gotten the chance to, as the Overlord had interrupted him, then Pixal had lost any body to give the ability to cry to, which had eliminated the need entirely.

She cannot cry, but she can hurt, and the rain that streams through her hair, dripping down her forehead spotting raindrops on her cheeks, could be tears if she pretended.

She doesn’t, though, because tears are a waste of water and overall useless in the grand scheme of things. She doubts they’d have helped her fare any better in the battle with Colossi, either.

Tears won’t bring anyone back.

Lloyd cries anyways. She can’t see him, but she can hear it in his voice, the way it wavers and breaks over the radio, nasally tones pronounced.

He’s barely able to gasp a few coordinates to her before he cuts the radio off abruptly. Pixal’s spent enough time with him to envision his scarred fingers snapping it off with a particular desperation, green sparking from his hands in distress.

She reminds herself those sparks are gone, now, bled away into nothing like the vivid green of Lloyd’s eyes had. The thought makes her sadder than she’d expected. She had a joke, about his eyes, she had wanted to make. Now that she has a body, and her own set of glowing green eyes, she’d — there was something he would’ve laughed at, she thought —

It doesn’t matter, now. Neither of them are likely to laugh anytime soon.

The coordinates blink brightly in her vision, and she’s almost surprised she managed to key them in. She’s running on autopilot, she supposes. It could be ironic — she’s been so desperate for control, it’s been so important that she’s the one feeling. Now, she’d give anything not to feel at all.

She lets out a shaky breath, dispelling the mist in her vision left from the rain. She leans forward, just over the edge of the building she’s crouched on, and her loose hair falls forward, silvery and synthetic and horribly tangled. Irritated, she reaches for another hair tie, and her hands falter around her wrist.

Lloyd had promised her a bracelet there. But he’d promised Kai would make the bracelet, hadn’t he, and Kai couldn’t make the bracelet if he was dead, could he.

Pixal blinks, her breath hitching. She’s been so numb to the pain of Zane’s loss, it hasn’t yet occurred to her that she’s losing Kai, too. And Jay, and Cole, and—

She sucks in the same shuddery kind of breath she’s seen Lloyd do, and carefully fists her hand in the area of her uniform above her chest. Her fingers dig in tightly, clutching in a hopeless attempt to feel some sort of comfort she knows she’ll never find.

But perhaps, for these few seconds, she can pretend the action is holding her together.

************

“It was inevitable,” Pixal tells Lloyd blankly, as he rasps out his third apology in the dark cover of their small hideout. “That one of us would fall, eventually. It had nothing to do with you.”

Lloyd swallows thickly. “It could’ve — it should’ve been—”

He doesn’t finish, but he doesn’t need to. Pixal’s hand shoots out, clamping tightly around his wrist, and there’s a beat of gratitude that she doesn’t need to rely on her voice alone anymore.

“Don’t.” Her voice is strung tighter than the tension in their shoulders. “You cannot change anything. You can’t, Lloyd, and you should not wish to — to change it that way.”

Lloyd jerks his hand free, wiping miserably at his eyes. He sets it back down within her reach, though, and if Pixal were any different, she’d take it.

But Pixal isn’t that different from Lloyd at all in the end, and neither of them reach for the other’s hand, no matter how desperately they crave the contact. Fear is more familiar, and it’s easier to give into it than it is the clawing need for comfort in your chest, after all.

“Still,” Lloyd finally whispers. “Still.”

Pixal swallows. She doesn’t disagree. If one of them had to fall, she knows she gladly would have taken it upon herself. She knows the others care for her, certainly, but she also knows her place in the grand scheme of things. They were six before she came along, and even now she’s kept far too many secrets to be fully counted among them.

She listens to Lloyd’s quiet, cracked voice, and she wonders if he’s thinking that they were five before he came along, younger than Pixal got to know him as.

Now they’re three, hollow and heartbroken. Though counting herself as one whole feels like cheating, right now.

Pixal squeezes her eyes shut, and wonders what it’s like to cry. Perhaps it helps, though Lloyd doesn’t look any less miserable.

************

“I was thinking,” Lloyd tells her, during one of the precious few quiet moments they have while trying to overthrow Garmadon and Harumi. Pixal’s turning the tiny tea flower he’d given her over in her hands, a part of her mind already marking articles about flower-pressing, another part wondering if it’s already too late to save the blossom. “About that promise we made, before all this.”

Pixal finally tucks the flower into the pocket of her uniform, pressed close to her chest. If anything, it can be a reminder of the lives that are safe — the life that’s coming back to her, if she has to drag him back from another realm herself. “And?”

Lloyd’s hands twist together. “Maybe we should focus more on staying alive.”

Pixal coughs out a laugh, breathless and startled. Lloyd wrinkles his nose at her, but his eyes are amused, even with their light lost. “I mean, the emphasis would be on keeping everyone else alive, but it’s kinda hard to do that if we’re dead, so…yeah. Priorities.”

“Staying alive should always be a priority,” Pixal corrects him, but she tugs the edge of his armor out of place with a smile.

“Why didn’t you teach me how to graffiti?” she nods at the designs on the green leather. “Or was this another Darkley’s tradition.”

“This is a refined art, called whatever I had on me that showed up on dark green,” Lloyd grumbles, fixing his armor. “I’ll teach it to you when we get out of this.”

“Another reason why staying alive would be a more productive focus,” Pixal points out. “I’ve heard teaching is easier when you’re alive.”

“And I’ve heard you’re a real riot,” Lloyd mutters. “It’s a promise, okay? I promise to teach you how to do cool armor design if you promise not to disappear into another realm on me.”

Pixal nods, adjusting her own armor tighter as screams ring out from a street nearby. “A promise, then.”

She keeps both the promise and the flower, the tiny blossom dried and faded by the time she’s escaped from the prison, heart racing with leftover adrenaline as Zane sweeps her into his arms. She clutches back every bit as tight, listening to his breathless laughter as cheers rise from the streets behind them, the smoke drifting across the early morning sky above them pale against the lightening blue. Pixal buries her face in his shoulder and breathes, tucking the moment away in her heart where it won’t fade. There’s a future stretching out before her, and she’s got the limbs to walk her path on her own, but all she wants right now is the steady ground beneath her feet and the bright laughter of what she’s managed to keep.  

Lloyd meets them shortly after, his own promise kept as he tears his gaze from his father, handing him off to the authorities before sprinting for the others. Pixal barely snags a moment alone with him, and even then no one’s particularly keen on letting him out of their sights.

He meets her eyes as they pick their way through the wrecked streets, the city more alive around them than it’s been in weeks. In the dark of the early morning, Pixal’s eyes glow a bright green, reflecting oddly in the windows they pass. It’s always been her preferred color, in contrast to Zane’s bright blue. Lloyd glances at her, his own eerily green eyes glowing back. He bites his lip, but it’s to hold back real laughter this time.

“My eyes were green first,” she tells him.

“Sue me,” he shoots back, before Kai’s throwing an arm over his shoulders again, tucking Lloyd neatly in between him and Nya. Pixal smothers a laugh at the look on his face, and tightens her own arm further where it’s linked firmly in Zane’s.  

It’s going to be an easy promise to keep, she thinks.  

[cotccotc]

i feel the same that your anon!! i've went on hiatus for a bit this year and ever since then i've been on this road of wanting to deactivate but not doing it (bc i feel like i will regret it) and then feeling better and start posting again and then feeling awful and wanting to delete everything etc. i think it's also about this feeling that you need to always be active bc if not you lose almost all your engagement (which is extremely demotivating). i remember going on hiatus after writing tcp because i was so burnt out and stressed since i push myself to write it even tho i was having classes and extra curricular stuff all day, everyday because i felt kind of an obligation to do so? like if i post on the teaser that i would realese it this day then it NEEDS to be this day, no matter what. it got to the point that i was super tired to even reply to anons (but i kept doing so, because again, these people took time to talk to me so i should be excited and happy even tho i'm not). but when i came back after taking some time (that was like, a month) my blog was as dead as it could be and i had no anons or notes, which made me feel extremely self conscious about things. after this i just been working on not forcing myself too much and remembering that, even tho i super grateful for the community i've built here and for the people that follows me, this is not a job and i'm here to have fun (therefore is ok to take breaks when i dont feel like posting), overall just trying not to feel too guilty when things don't go as planned. anyway massive rant lol sorry!!

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACKKKKKK it’s kinda tough to admit or talk about bc u don’t want to sound ungrateful …. but it’s definitely still an issue !! i think we’ve all kinda gotten into the habit of expecting more from ourselves than we can offer, maybe. like i started out on tumblr seeing all of these “big” writing blogs posting tons of long fics in (what seems like) a short period of time, or gfx creators being really on top of content w gifs and stuff, so u just naturally assume the whole community is just .. on all the time ! and engagement can have a lot to do w it too. i’ve found that my posts do better at certain times, for certain members, and with a certain amount of relevance (for ex: editing photo shoot pics right after they come out) but a lot of the time, that isn’t practical. and neither is being active w asks and dms all the time !!!

idk the main take away is: we all collectively need to stop giving a FUCK and be COMPLETELY UNHINGED & ACTIVE OR HERMIT-LIKE & LAZY AS WE WANNA BE without any need for explanation 😂

[too-attached-to-fiction]

The Healing Powers of Chocolate | r.l.

Masterlist here

REQUESTS ARE OPEN (just going thru them a little slower than usual)

Word count: 1040

Requested by @serenefreakgeek​

Request: Hi I love your writing! I was hoping to request a ReaderxRemus! Maybe where reader is hufflepuff and gender neutral? (But they dont have to be!!) Something about reader training to be a nurse at Hogwarts under Pomfrey and helping Remus when he's in the hospital wing after transformation? Or maybe they became class partners and get to know each other then? (Also having easy access to the kitchens as a hufflepuff= chocolate and cookies??) I'm fine with really any xRemus, tbh lol Thank you!!

A/N: this is just,,, pure fluff,,, I don’t know what else to say. Also, Professor Sprout and Helga Hufflepuff are the only two known Hufflepuff heads of house on the wiki so I didn’t name them, oops! But shy remus will always have my heart <3

~~~

You weren’t sure how long you’d been in love with Remus Lupin, but sometime between the sorting ceremony and now, you’d been struck with Cupid’s arrow. But if you were being honest, the amount of times you had actually talked to him were close to zero, and you both were graduating next year. 

Needless to say, you were absolutely, positively screwed. 

You’d discussed careers with your head of house in your fifth year, saying that you were interested in becoming a healer. The head had been pleased to hear that, knowing that you excelled both in herbology and potions. Almost immediately, you started helping Madam Pomfrey on the weekends, assisting when Quidditch matches went awry (as they were wont to do).

One Saturday morning, you walked in to find Madam Pomfrey anxiously awaiting your arrival. “Good, you’re here. I was hoping that you could get a little practice with healing a few scratches. Poor Remus had a rough night.” Your eyes widened, your footsteps quickening as you walked into the ward. 

There, on a stretcher, was one Remus Lupin. 

“(Y/N) is going to help you today. I’ll make sure they don’t make anything worse.” Madam Pomfrey told him. 

Remus looked at you and your yellow sweater. “Hufflepuff, aye?” 

Your cheeks reddened but before you could reply properly, Madam Pomfrey snapped for your attention. “Look at the way I move my wand when I do it. Episkey.” She said, pointing towards one of the gashes on Lupin’s face. “Now, try.” You nodded, taking a deep breath and pointing your wand to another open wound. 

“Episkey.” You said with calm confidence. You watched as the skin sealed together perfectly.  

“Wonderful, (Y/N). Go on.” You continued healing the cuts up and down his body. Luckily, there weren’t any close to the private areas, but your face was still red as a tomato when you finally stepped back. 

“Good. Stay with Remus while I fetch his food. (Y/N), have you eaten?” You merely shook your head at the question and she tsked. 

“I thought we discussed the importance of eating habits.” She said but left it at that, walking out of the ward. 

“Thank you for helping me.” Remus said after she was gone. “I’m not used to someone other than Madam Pomfrey healing me at school.” 

“It’s only temporary, and I’m sorry if it was uncomfortable for you-” You rambled, bowing your head quickly. “Merlin, I need to stop talking.” 

“I don’t mind.” Lupin sat himself up slightly. “You’re in my year, aren’t you? A Hufflepuff?” You rose your head shyly, nodding. “And your name is (Y/N)?” 

“We were partners in potions in second year.” You reminded him quietly. “James and Sirius blew theirs up all the time, and always wanted your help.” You smiled. 

“I knew you were familiar. Sorry, my memory’s shot.” He shook his head.

The two of you spent the rest of the day talking. No one else appeared in the ward for the afternoon, and Madam Pomfrey hid a knowing smile as she sat at her desk. 

After that, Remus seemed to gravitate towards you, so much so that eventually the other Marauders asked you to sit with them at every possible meal. You were still shy as ever, but slowly, you began to open up to them. And in return, Remus opened up to you. 

By the end of your sixth year, Remus had told you about why he had been in the hospital wing that morning. You had known for a while now, being informed by Madam Pomfrey, but you only raised an eyebrow. 

“You know that chocolate really helps after a transformation like that?” He only looked at you in shock at your response. “I’m serious.” 

“Y-you still want to be my friend?” 

I want more than that. You thought to yourself. “Of course I want to be your friend. Why wouldn’t I?” 

“W-well..” 

“I’m assuming the others know too.” 

“Yeah.” 

“And they’re still your best friends.” You pointed out. “Why would it be any different than me?” 

“Uh..” 

“Do you want to come with me to the kitchens to get chocolate?” You asked suddenly, standing up. “Or butterbeer?” 

He looked up at you. How could you be so sweet about this whole thing? In the short time you’d been friends, he’d witnessed so much kindness from you. He wasn’t sure what he did to deserve it, but he was happy nonetheless. 

He simply nodded, slipping his hand in yours as you made your way to the kitchens. It was a simple act, but it had both of your hearts racing. Still, neither of you could bring yourselves to let go of the other’s hand. 

When you had gotten your chocolate and found a window seat in one of the corridors, you looked down at your feet. “Speaking of confessions, I think I have one to make too.” You said, so quietly that he almost didn’t hear you. “I have a crush on you.” You bit your lip, looking at him for a reaction.

Remus looked at you, eyes wide. How could you love someone like him? Mere minutes ago, he’d confessed that he was a werewolf, and yet, you decided to tell him about your crush in spite of that. 

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, or anything. I mean, I don’t expect you to, and I know we’ve only been friends for a little while and you probably don’t feel the same because who would, you know? But I’ve had this stupid crush on you since, Merlin, second year, and we’re graduating next year and I thought you ought to know-” 

Remus Lupin tasted like chocolate and cinnamon, you decided, as his lips met yours, carefully and gently. You wanted more the moment you broke apart, looking at each other cautiously. 

“What now?” He asked, a small smile gracing his features. You loved that smile, where his eyes shined. He looked at you with that smile as if you were the center of the universe. The thought made your cheeks redden, but you stepped even more out of your comfort zone when you answered his question.

“I think you’re going to have to kiss me again.” 

[inevitably-johnlocked]

(was originally an ask, then i rambled a crapload, so if u wanna skip through, just go to the bolded questions)

i am new to the fandom & just found your blog, just wanted to say DAMN its so detailed and everything, i cant wait to read it all! also i was so relieved to find that the fandom is still alive <3

side note im just rambling here, i binged sherlock all really quick and everything is like a blur (idk if im in a state of shock or something, but i do know i was super invested at s1 ep 2, then i finished s4 at 4am one day and i had to read me some johnlock fics to comfort myself and i really dont know how i feel about anything yet just that well, johnlock and i cried during sherlocks fake death even tho i already accidentally read spoilers, and i also cried when they just went to hang out at bars together and hhh and during sherlocks best man speech and sherlocks goodbye to john (…maybe goodbye should be plural)…also i was v mad at eurus and s4 was a hell of a rollercoaster gd), so just wondering, how many times have you watched sherlock? how was the experience each time? (can be about any season or eps or anything, also any snacks u liked to eat while watching or anything of that sort? just curious and thought that might be fun to answer)(apologies if you answered this already i tried to look for it but i got a bit overwhelmed)

btw u are amazing ^^ (also nice timer even tho it makes me sad) and MAD RESPECT for answering so many asks and like SO DETAILED-LY? (i cant grammar) and god ur metas and stuff?? absolutely fantabulous. im legit crying im so glad i found your blog. i know how much work asks take (and like i procrastinate on them for so long…mm months old esp for fic rec lists bc i know those take WORK) so like again, SO MUCH RESPECT thank you for all your hard work!! you are absolutely fantastic and awesome :D please make sure you take care of yourself too <3

ALSO you have a great profile picture + background pic (forgive me i have half a braincell (actually lets make it .7437 gave myself a tiny upgrade even tho i didnt do anything) i forgot what its called…background thing?? idk) i love them!!

if u read through all that tysm, if not thank u anyways for being so amazing, i have a habit of rambling so pls bear with me ^^

(also would it be possible to make this anon? if not feel free to delete this line ^^)

(Submitted by Anonymous)

--------

Hi Lovely!!

Always can make something Anon if y’all ask <3

First of all, SORRY for how long it took me to get back to you with this one. I’m a giant heap of trash and I’m surprised people still come here LOL

Secondly, WELCOME TO THE FANDOM! We love having y’all here, and I’m honoured that you enjoy my blog and content! Also will comment on your praise on my meta here: THANK YOU. I’m very proud of my meta, and especially the SHEER AMOUNT of it I have produced still boggles me mind. Y’all remember when I was creative and thoughtful??? LOL S4 dragged me hard hahah. I still try to write S4 meta, just not as much as I used to. I like speculating, I truly do, but I have so little free time these days because of the nature of my full time job, so I tend to just... do nothing LOL. I find Fic Reccing really relaxing when you have nearly 800 bookmarks. I’m worried I’m becoming stale though. Oh well. I’m just trying to leave my mark here. <3

Thirdly, HAHHAH Thank you for your compliment about my replies to my asks; I genuinely wish I could get more asks finished every day, but I tend to ramble, as you can see, and I just... don’t finish them in a timely manner. Honestly, it’s a relief when I don’t know something because I can then get the community involved to help me out AND I also get new fic recs that way too LOL. I also draft a TONNE of asks and when I do that, I tend to just keep adding MORE and MORE and MORE so I have to post them, LOL. 

And finally: My fave episode is TAB; it was the episode I studied the closest and my analysis of the trailer is my “claim to fame”. I just love it to bits. It’s the episode I’ve watched the most. S3 is my fave season, and it’s the SEASON I’ve watched the most, no less than 30 or 40 times. Season 2, then 1. I have only seen S4 like 5 times in full total, and horribly enough, TFP is the most-watched episode: I watched the Leak, the airdate, and I went and saw it in the theatres because I already bought the ticket before it aired so I just... didn’t care. And then at least 3 more times in Watchalongs. So yeah :| I still haven’t watched the BluRay I bought, but I hated having an incomplete set so I bought it when it went on sale fore 10 bucks LOL.

But yeah, S1 and 2 I watched together, and I LOVED the show. I joined fandom the summer before S3 aired, and S3 is when I REALLY got into the fandom. I’ve been pretty much here since then, about 7 years I think now. When I saw S4, it was incredulity and disappointment with it. That’s really it. I’m still a fence sitter these days about the series as a whole, but I’m leaning more and more to “no S5 for at least 3 more years” kinda thing. Just... everyone involved seems so disinterested in the show these days, minus Mofftiss to keep pushing the Sherlock™ Brand to make money.

ANYWAY. Thanks for writing to me!! This was such a joy to read when I first got it, and I just... have been really overwhelmed the past few weeks that I just have only been sticking to shorter asks. But I had some free time tonight when I’m answering this, so THANK YOU. 

I hope you’re still around, and I hope you still enjoy your time here! Don’t hesitate to ask me anything else!! <3 <3

[crimsongrimoire]

What are some of your favorite lines of dialog that you've written, across all your fics? Your dialog makes me want to perish (complementary). 🐟

oh BOY this will probably be A List. hmm.

im probably gonna do just kaeluc stuff since thats my current obsession and all. plus i dont feel like looking through like 300+ pages of other fic documents. this one is long enough as is HFDHSKF

"You may be the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on." 

"Stop lying," Diluc groans through clenched teeth. 

Kaeya laughs softly, working his fingers ever harder. "I'm hurt. You're too pretty to lie to, like this. I'm serious."

-

all time favorite for kaeluc stuff is probably:

"I assumed you wouldn't want to talk about the many suitors I've had sprawled across my bed, especially right now."

"Alright, alright, no need to brag."

-

"I love how you look on your knees, little prince. You look so perfect with my cock in your mouth."

"Do you have to say things like that?"

"You don't have to be afraid to say you like it, Luc."

-

BABYS FIRST FINISHED KAELUC FIC......

"You know that won't be easy."

"It'd be no fun if it was. The only question is, is it possible?"

+

"Promise me you won't leave again. Swear it."

-

"Your depravity really does know no bounds."

-

THIS ISN'T JUST DIALOGUE BUT I STILL REALLY LIKE IT AND AM SAD I PUT IT IN SOMETHING MEDIOCRE THAT DID RELATIVELY BAD. also some of this was technically the VERY FIRST kaeluc thing i ever wrote so thats fun:

"That didn't happen. Now, shut your mouth," he says, giving Kaeya a pointed look and brandishing a carrot, "before I shove this somewhere you don't want it."

"Gross," Paimon interjects, seeming the least shocked out of the five of them, scrunching up her nose.

"Well." A lazy, catlike smirk stretches across Kaeya's face. He does this thing up against a tree at the edge of the clearing, this habit he's had when up against a vertical surface since he was a preteen, this cocky little body-lean-head-tilt-arm-cross that Diluc has come to hate because fuck him, it's still attractive. "If it's you doing it, I don't know where that would be." Nobody besides Diluc- who rolls his eyes in annoyance and returns to cooking, face tinged the slightest bit pink- can tell that Kaeya just winked.

"Double gross."

"Good to see you two finally getting along," Lisa says with a small laugh.

"That's not what I'd call it," Diluc replies, not looking away from the fire. "We're simply being forced to cooperate."

"That doesn't mean you have to talk. You don't seem as gloomy as usual." Damn Lisa for having a point.

Diluc scoffs dismissively. "Communicating just makes work easier."

Lisa just smiles wryly and leaves it at that, sipping from her canteen and glancing over at Kaeya, who's shaking his head.

-

"Wait," Diluc murmurs when he breaks away, placing a hand over the stranger's mouth when he tries to follow. "Take off the mask."

The stranger groans. "Really?"

"Yes."

"You're no fun, as always." The stranger removes his mask, and Diluc huffs in irritation upon seeing his face.

"I knew it. Only you would wear that gaudy thing."

Kaeya grins. "Is that why you danced with me?"

Diluc simply rolls his eyes and kisses him again. "You know you weren't invited."

"I wasn't? I'm hurt. You've made me feel quite welcome, though."

-

preface this was for kaeluc month in like december almost a year ago and i obviously never finished it. kms. ive never participated in an event like that and it makes me SO MAD. anyway dilucs a vampire and kaeyas fae and kaeya invited him over for tea and theyre just at a stalemate of not wanting to be a bad guest or host cause of stupid metaphysical rules. anyway:

"I'll let you off with a warning this time, but no elbows on the table, Diluc. I know you know better. You wouldn't want to be a bad guest, now, would you?"

Diluc straightens immediately and puts his hands in his lap, as if the table had just burned him. "Of course not. Aren't you supposed to offer me something to eat, or are you not afraid of being a bad host?"

Kaeya props his head on the back of his hand, blatantly resting his elbow on the edge of the table. "But of course. What would you like?"

"You. ...Please."

Kaeya hums thoughtfully. "Now, that's not quite polite, is it?"

"I did say please," Diluc remarks, calmly crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. They're going to be here for a while.

"That doesn't mean you get to ask to kill someone in their own home."

"It's not polite to order someone to do something when they can't refuse, either."

"Touché."

-

"I don't know what the hell to do with myself. It's all I can do not to beg you to take me until it's past time to open."

-

"Oh, Archons, Diluc, please, no, I'll come," Albedo says breathily between gasps, biting his lip to keep more noises at bay.

Diluc's lips turn upward just the slightest bit. "Isn't that our goal?"

+

"Okay, okay, Mr. Killjoy. We get it. You're jealous you aren't getting any attention. Don't set his books on fire."

-

"Do I have to tie you up, or are you going to be good?"

-

Diluc peers over Kaeya's shoulder at the cum on the floor and clicks his tongue. "You made a mess."

"What else was I supposed to do?"

A wicked smile graces Diluc's face as he brushes his lips against Kaeya's ear and pulls his head back by his hair, coaxing out a throaty gasp. "You know you're going to have to lick it up, right?"

"I'm surprised you, of all people, would even suggest that."

-

"The Archons blessed me with you."

Kaeya snorts. "I think I'm the last thing you'd call a blessing."

-

OKAY I THINK THATS ENOUGH SUCKING MY OWN DICK TBH theres a lot i think my dialogue is good sometimes i write so fucking much of it i guess i better huh

[autumnpleaves]

can you tell me about your friends? -C (you dont have to)

Ooh! Sure, C! No problem! Hmm, since it doesn’t really specify which ‘friends’ you’re talking about, I’m going to talk about IRL and online ones! XD 

This is gonna be a long one, but only because I love, appreciate, and care for my friends :) 

So let’s start with my... 

IRL friends ^-^

I won’t be using their ‘real names’ so... meh. 

First up we have Eggen! :) 

She’s such a joy to be around (no this is not sarcastic). She has this weird fluctuating emotions sometimes and it’s scary to deal with (but not as scary as Jessie-). Funny story about how we actually met was that we had this conjoining class in Ext. Maths and she was from another class. I was still a new student then, so I wasn’t really familiar with anyone and my friends from *my* class were in Ext. Maths too, and were friends with Eggen, hence we all had this weird group thingy at one portion of the classroom and we hung out together. 

Now see, here, we weren’t really *friends* then. More like acquaintances XD 

BUT- 

I texted her because I saw in her profile, that she was a *HUFFLEPUFF* (which is different now, because it didn’t fit anymore- She’s a slytherin now :)) and I texted her saying “OH MY GOSH! YOU’RE A HUFFLEPUFF TOO?!!” I was a dork. It was stupid. And she replied “Haha, yeah...” and lemme tell you, I’m surprised why she’s still my friend to this day XD 

She’s improved a lot since then, and I am honestly quite frankly really *really* proud of her. She’s grown a lot (literally, coz she’s short and metaphorically, coz she’s so talented and skilled and smart now! [Not that she wasn’t smart before, just saying, definitely you can see progress]) She’s talented in drawing, ballet, has great ideas, really hard working, productive, one of the most inspirational person I know :) I’m glad to call her my friend :D 

(Only I get to call her Eggen though 0-0 ANyONe else who dares, will get a smack from me-) ALSO did I mention she likes to torture people by throwing her erasers at them? It’s funnnn memories :’) 

Next up we haveeeee Lizze!!

Lizze now this one, I didn’t meet until like... at least a year after Eggen. Honestly. Don’t judge me, our school is biiggggggg. She had long hair then. At first I see her here and there, and it was pretty chill. Nothing too... ya know- friendsy just like oh yeah I recognize you. We were in the same scholarship program! So that was fun! :) 

We didn’t officially properly meet until like a year after though, and well let’s just say it was fun. She’s one of the only friends I was able to rope into watching Sanders Sides with me and is also a huge geek nerd XD  She’s ALSO REALLY REALLY HECKING TALENTED IN WRITING?! LIke WHAT?! WHo even?! 

Yeah, such a great friend. She’s one of the people I go to when in need of any writing advice, or just advice in general! She really gives that second opinion and really takes things into account and I’m really just plain glad to call her my friend. I love her so much and like we would discuss and hang out sometimes on VC late into the night and it’d be funny watching her trying to navigate around her messy room :’) Ahh! Fun times XD 

Then we have... NICO!! :) 

Nico... was my first ever friend. Literally. In the new school. I’m gonna lay down the scenario XD

I walked into class on orientation day, not aa lot of students were there yet, I was early (for once). Nico was sitting on the left side of a table (we had two student tables) two rows from the back, near the windows. I walked in and was like Hm. Where should I sit? So I Decided that I wasn’t gonna be a wimp and decided to walk and sit next to Nico. He was also surprisingly a new student, so we kinda like related for a bit XD 

Flashforward and Nico is one of my close friends? I mean he’s there and he’s fun to hang out with XD (I don’t do labels, sorry XD) We would joke around, play around, and he’s just a great fella all around! It’s just sometimes people might make fun of him and he’d get insecure sometimes, which makes me sad and yeah! Favorite memories with him would always be in Ext. Math. We’ve landed in the same class (coz we switch around every year) like twice and everytime it’d be the same! And well every time in Math I would ‘show off’ my amazing math skills and he’d try to compete with me. It was fun every time. *dreamy sigh* 

I miss the competitions really. We’d compete to see who would finish first, who would do what part, and when either of us are confused we would annoy the other to get the answer XD I miss him :’) 

Then we get... JILL! :D 

Jill was another friend I met in my first year at the school. At first, she used to hang out with this other friend because they were stuck to each other since like primary, but slowly they drifted (which in my opinion might be for the best 😬) 

She’s an otaku. A pure bred otaku. I had to deal with her anime fanatic years for like... 3 years and counting now. Why. But she’s wonderful and drawing and would always have this bad habit of drawing on anything and literally whatever surface she finds. The desk, her notebooks, her test papers, her *SKIN*, *MY* skin, her WATER BOTTLE (like what THE HECK- JILL?!) but like, it’s endearing XD 

She’s great at complaining and hates hugs. She also hates mangoes- (If you remember what my catchphrase was? Yeah the, “GUESS WHAT? JILL HATES MANGOES” yeah it’s this Jill XD) I’m not joking. She’s great at complaining XD 

Funny story is that once we had to do this video project thing and we just had Jill complain about the amount of homework we had to like compare stuff and what not, and she did it. IN ONE BREATH. NO HESITATIONS. NO SCRIPT. ONE TAKE. WE were all DYING after that XDDD Coz she’s literally known as a complainer and she has great logic skills. She also really LOVES money... so... i mean... yeah. She’s really like... conservative with her money but isn’t afraid to use it to spoil others, but not herself XD 

Finally but not the last (I got more friends, but I don’t really... connect with them enough?) is BEEP! (no this is not her actual name, I just don’t really call her by her real name much) 

The OG friend from first day of school! Nico? YEah Step ASIDE BRO! XDD This gal is my go-to cuddle buddy. LIterally. Our moms are kinda like... besties? (*shrugs* it’s complicated) so we kinda do a lot of things together XD We go to gym together, go to places together, road trip together. She’s a joy to be around. She is like the cuddliest and well usually she does get teased about for being fluffy but like that’s the best part about her 🥺. Her mom is also really picky about her appearance which as her friends, we were pretty annoyed by it, but I love her the way she is :) 

First day of school and she walked by and asked to sit next to me. I said yes, without looking at her, coz I was *shy* (shush). Then we had an ice-breaker thing and LMAO guess what we bonded on- 

FRICKING HARRY STYLES AND WATTPAD- (look, if you’ve been on wattpad, you’d know that Harry Styles stories on there is never really... safe. in a sense.) SO, we’d immediately bonded over that and literally the rest of the day was history. We’d go through class everyday together and it would be a blast, OF COURSE she had other friends and I had mine, we weren’t really in the same ‘stereotypical’ group (like she has the more... *mean girls* kinda group [I’M NOT SAYING SHE’S MEAN! But, I’m saying that they have the popular group- yeah there that XD]) 

I had my own group but we hang anyways because it’s fun. She has the most beautiful laugh, like... literally the loudest and beautiful-est laugh ever XD We have so many inside jokes. She’d hold on to them and start laughing randomly XD She cries a lot when she laughs so that always spurs us to continue laughing, gosh damn it, I miss her. I’m smiling so hard writing this. 

XDD

Aight! That’s from my IRL friends! 

Next we have my online friends! :DDD

First up, we have YAWN! :D

Yawn is quite frankly, the first person I ever actually connected to on Tumblr here XD 

I’ve been through tens and hundreds of discord servers, jumped in tumblr group chats, and no where have I ever met anyone as wonderful as Yawn. Literally. 

I would say we pretty much clicked and when *she* (look I asked okay. they said yes to all pronouns so- >:3 I’m going to have fun with it XD) expressed xeir love for PUNS of all things, literally, I was shooketh. SO I LITERALLY SPAMMED HIM WITH ALL THE PUNS I COULD THINK OF- ANd then HE LITErally PropOSEd- XDDD I don’t know man. It’s amazing :’) I don’t know how I got this lucky. 

Yawn is like that refreshing giddiness you have as a child when you see a new toy or something. Yeah that’s Yawn. Literally every time we text it’s just so damn wholesome and so fun and it’s great! We’d talk about the most random things ever and it’d be amazing :))

Hhhhhhhhhhh, I’m just so damn proud of zem. LIke. Literally. Xir has come so far, and like... we haven’t really met for long yet but I just care about xir sooooooooooooooo much. It has always been there for me and I’m just so appreciative of it. We have so many- *WHEEZE* inside jokes- XDDD 

One I can think of is literally “I run you, Shakespeare” and it’s HILARIou- XDDDDDDDDDDDD

I can’t- It’s beautiful XD 

I just can’t believe that our friendship literally started with me just sucking up my anxiety and just texting people stuff and I honestly don’t know how it continued from there- XD 

They are the most accepting person I know. Genuinely. I don’t know where I’d be without them :’) 

Next we have... VOMMY! :DDD Or C-Gal... We gotta bring that nickname back XD 

First of all, we met in a Fander Pride Meet Up server. VOmmy CAN SPEAK DUTCH and is SOO CREATIve and SO FRIckING Hard WOrking and such an inspiration. Always greets us and is always down for hugs and cuddles XD 

Such a great tea friend, and has like the best aesthetic ever- literally. So old and vintage like a vintage mom and always down to talk about stuff! Ze is soooooo smart as well! And would infodump sometimes when ze’s not busy about stuff that I absolutely adore and love to hear about! Honestly the best vommy ever and ze has PLANTS like- *Woooooooooo!* 

We met vommy and literally we can always geek out with zem. Sometimes life gets hard and we need to scream it out every now and then, and vommy would be there :))) 

I am so proud of zem and just so damn happy to call zem my friend uwu 

ALSO HAVE I MENTIONED THAT ZE CAN SING AND PLAY THE UKE AND WRITE SONGS LIKE WHAT THE HECK THAT’S EPIC AH

Then we haveeeeee... STARBURST! OR BOB THE BUILDER!

ANOTHER friendo we met in the Fander Pride Meet Up Server (seriously a lot of cool friendos there). One of the best advice givers and the most caring older sibling ever. Literally. Like I can’t stress this enough. He’s such a great cousin duck and just a great listener friendo ever. 

Such a fricking talented writer and MUSICIAN AND FRICKING ARTIST LITERALLY THE WHOLE SHEBANG IT’s RIDICulOUS 

I’m literally so proud of him. It’s crazy. He’s always been there for us, all of us. And is there to provide hugs and arms to cry on. ALSO HAVE I EVER MENTIONED HOW BEAUTIFUL HE IS??! LIKE WHAT THE HECK- AHhhhhHHHHHH

SO BEAUTIFUl- and PRETTY and GORGEOUS 

Next we haveeeeeee- POPPY the POPTART! :D 

First time we met in the Fander Pride Meetup, I may of may not have offended them. 0-0 

woops. 

I still feel really bad about that honestly. Uhhh, anyways, I won’t go too in depth on that. BUT ANYWAYS- 

THEy Have been such a WONDERFUL presence in my life. LIterally. LIke They have such an cheerful vibe ever and would never fail to make me laugh or like coo or like anything coz they are soooo ADORABLE! They are also like really great cuddler and hugger and sooooo sooooo sooooo handsome :DD

Sure there are rough patches in their lives, but I adore them and am sooo sooo soo proud of them for being able to go through it and still come out with their heads high and just so damn happy that they will not give up that easily. I really admire their strength, and we are always there to support if they need help :) 

Also, go check out @/poptartsaysurloved pinned post. See if anyone is willing or can help! :) 

Next we have... ATLAS! Or LAssie as I like to call him XD

He’s one of the screaming cereal that I most definitely did not meet in the Fander Pride Meet Up and instead in another server and I’m glad to have met him XD 

I don’t know the *exact* thing I texted him, but I definitely remember asking him about something in his status and I most definitely was satisfied with my answer and we just started talking in DMs for a bit, before I invited him in to the screaming cereal bowl server! :D 

IT IS A BLAST 

LITERALLY 

ARSon kid can’t go a day without wanting to blow something up and frankly I’m concerned but such a great friendo

Provider of memes, jokes, laughs, hugs, cuddles, and fun time XD 

I can’t even, it’s crack head moments every time with that lassie XD 

AHHHHHHHHHHHH FINALLY but obviously not the LAST W E HAVE HEDGIE the ShellY HOGGLES

HONESTLY I LOVE THIS GURLY SOHECKING MUCH 

She deals with my bull crap every day kind of and deals with a bunch of my mushy feelingsy moments! I can’t stress enough. Literally Shelly McScotty over here is like the most relatable person ever. Mood all the way and we have like SOO MANY SIMILAR INTERESTS 

IT’s CRAZY! When I first found out that she watches like Unus Annus, Winx Club (SHOOSH IT’S A GOOD SHOW SHUSH) Literally, I’m like this is the best person ever. She’s also knowledgeable in a lot of stuff and is literally like the best person to go to when you need to get like informational stuff

Literally. I would info dump on her and she’d be such a great listener. Fricking Disney and Potterhead GEEK of the decade. HOly heck this lady is the literal embodiment of a disney princess. FIRST OF ALL, PERSONALITY IS THERE. SECOND OF ALL, HER LOOKS! HAVE YOU SEEN? LITERALLY SO DROP DEAD GORGEOUS ON FLEEK MAKEUP! AHHHHHh

I can’t get enough of this dude. Gives great advice and insight on soooo many things and I’m just so glad to have met this gurl. I don’t know how exactly we met, but I’m glad we did. 

MIND YOU most of my friends are either from Tumblr or Discord so XD 

AHHHHHHHHh

Welp! This was a fun! I definitely spent wayyyyyyyyy too long on this thing, but it’s worth it! XD 

Hope you have fun learning about my friends from like a freaking geeking out stand point Canon! :D 

I have a feeling you wouldn’t read through this entire thing, so well... AH! Hope you have a nice day and don’t sleep too late! Tell me about your friends as well! :))  

[enbyleighlines]

Hey dont know if you are still taking prompt suggestions but I would love to read MDZS Modern AU! Wei Wuxian & Jiang Yanli - Boyfriends. If you are done with prompts, thanks for all the wonderful fills!

Hey! I am absolutely still taking prompts, please and thank you~

This is actually the final prompt left in my ask box, so feel free to fill it up again! I’m having a wonderful time with this modern mdzs au!

—

Jin Yanli is out in the garden when Wei Wuxian and A-Yuan arrive for their playdate. Jin Zixuan greets them at the front door, and then just tells them to go around through the side gate.

It’s a bright day, with a refreshing breeze. A-Yuan rushes forward towards the backyard fence, kicking up dandelion fluff in his wake.

Wei Wuxian chuckles, and walks a little bit slower just to tease the kid. He knows that A-Yuan isn’t yet tall enough to reach the latch, so he can’t enter the backyard until Wei Wuxian opens the gate for him.

“Hurry up, Xian-gege!” A-Yuan calls over, bounding in place, reminding him of some sort of cartoon bunny.

(Ever since Wei Wuxian moved in with Lan Wangji, rabbits have never been far from his mind. Lan Wangji’s passion for the animal is rubbing off on him, apparently.)

“Okay, okay,” Wei Wuxian replies, slowing his gait even more, “Hold your horses.”

“Xian-gege!” A-Yuan pouts, enraged.

It’s impossible to take his anger seriously, though. Wei Wuxian starts laughing, watching with delight as A-Yuan’s lower lip juts out even further.

But Wei Wuxian also takes pity on the poor child. He reaches over the door to unlatch it without another word.

As soon as the door swings open, A-Yuan is bolting forward at full speed again. He runs over to where Jin Ling is pushing around a toy truck around the sandbox.

“A-Xian,” Jin Yanli says, standing up from her crouching position, “Hello!”

“Jiejie!” Wei Wuxian is suddenly twenty years younger. He leaps into her embrace, nuzzling his face into her shoulder.

She giggles at his antics. “A-Xian, how have you been?”

Wei Wuxian knows exactly what she wants to know. He heaves a loud, lovesick sigh and tells her, “I’m so happy, Jiejie! Wangji is the best boyfriend. He spoils A-Yuan and me rotten.”

A few days ago, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji had kissed for the first time. Upon waking, Wei Wuxian immediately texted his Jiejie, along with everyone else he knew. His declaration had received many different responses. Jin Yanli’s reply was the most ecstatic, though. Though they indeed set up this playdate for the kids, the idea had originated from an ulterior motive. Wei Wuxian wants to gush about his new boyfriend, and Jin Yanli is all too happy to listen.

Jin Yanli pulls away to look Wei Wuxian in the face. “I’m glad you found someone you is willing to spoil you,” she says, “My A-Xian deserves nothing less.”

Wei Wuxian leans his cheek on her shoulder, which is awkward, because he’s long since grown taller than her. “He makes me so happy, Jiejie,” he whispers, wanting to make her understand just a fraction of the immense love he holds in his heart for Lan Wangji.

Jin Yanli’s smile softens. Then she pulls further away to say, “I made us some tea. Let’s sit down, and you can tell me everything.”

And so they do. Wei Wuxian barely pays his cup any mind. He is too busy blabbering— about the few dates they’ve been on, about Lan Wangji’s cutest habits, about all the thoughtful little things Lan Wangji does to show he cares.

“And what about you?” Jin Yanli asks during a pause, “Relationships are a two-way street. What have you been doing to show you care, A-Xian?”

Wei Wuxian thinks. “Well...” he begins, “I tell him how handsome he is! Every day! And I thank him for everything he does around the apartment. And... well.” Here Wei Wuxian hesitates, uncharacteristically shy. “I tried to write him a love poem, because he loves poetry, but... it turns out I’m not good at writing poems.”

Jin Yanli giggles demurely into her wrist. “Ah, A-Xian,” she teases, “You have been bitten hard by the love bug, I see.”

“Do you blame me?” Wei Wuxian flails his arms, flustered. “Wangji... he’s so good,” he murmurs, stricken with the sheer force of his affection, “He’s really... such a good man. I knew I was gone the moment he offered to foster A-Yuan, so he could have a permanent home. And— and he can be so ridiculous! He calls me ridiculous but you should hear about some of the things he says and does! He named his bunnies Cabbage and Carrot! He hasn’t even flinched at the any of the horror movies I’ve shown him, but the first time we watched a cheesy romcom, he got so flustered that he muted the kissing scene!”

Wei Wuxian grabs Jin Yanli’s hand, desperate to make her understand. “I love him so much, Jiejie,” he says, “I know it’s only been like four days, but I’m so in love with him!”

“You’ve known him for how long?” Jin Yanli shakes her head, visibly amused.

“Hmmm...” Wei Wuxian thinks back to their first encounter. “We met in high school, freshman year... when we were both fourteen. Ah! And we’re twenty-four now!” Wei Wuxian jolts back at the realization. “A decade! It took me ten whole years to kiss Lan Wangji!”

Jin Yanli laughs. “Well, better late than never,” she points out.

Wei Wuxian is not so easily soothed, though. He sticks out his bottom lip and pouts. “I can’t believe it. I could have been kissing Wangji as far back as high school! We could have gone to senior prom together! We could be married by now!”

“It’s no good to dwell on what-if’s, A-Xian,” Jin Yanli says, “Remember how long it took for Zixuan to return my feelings?”

“That’s because he is— was an idiot.”

“And now we’re married, and we have A-Ling.” She looks off towards her son, practically radiating contentment. “Focus on what you have right now, so you can savor every minute.”

Wei Wuxian follows her gaze.

The boys are building a sand castle. Or so Wei Wuxian assumes. It mostly just looks like a heap of sand with some twigs poking out of the top.

“Jiejie,” Wei Wuxian says, “I... I want to ask Wangji if we can adopt A-Yuan for real.”

If Jin Yanli is surprised, she doesn’t show it. She just gives Wei Wuxian a loving grin. “Have you talked to A-Yuan’s family about it yet?”

Wei Wuxian nods. “Granny Wen mentioned it before, actually,” he admits, “She said A-Yuan already talks about Wangji and me like we’re his fathers. Wen Qing’s Uncle also gave me his blessing.”

Jin Yanli lights up. “A-Xian, that’s wonderful!” She claps her hands together. “So when are you asking Lan Wangji?”

“I don’t know.” Wei Wuxian worries his lip. “I mean... we only just begun dating. Don’t you think it’s too soon? I don’t know if Wangji even wants children...”

“A-Xian.” Jin Yanli waits until she has Wei Wuxian’s eyes back on her. “I’ve seen Lan Wangji with A-Yuan. He clearly loves children. You don’t have to worry about that. But if you think it’s too soon, then wait. There’s no need to rush. You’re already fostering him, and A-Yuan isn’t old enough to know the difference.”

Wei Wuxian feels the oppressive weight lift right off his shoulders. “You’re right,” he realizes aloud, “There’s no need to rush.”

“Exactly,” Jin Yanli says, “Like I said, enjoy the present. Don’t spend too much time regretting the past or fretting about the future. You’ve got a doting boyfriend, and an adorable kid who loves you.”

Wei Wuxian feels like tearing up. He valiantly avoids doing so.

“Now drink your tea already,” Jin Yanli chastises playfully, “I brought this brand just for you. It’s a chai with extra spice.”

“Jiejie!” Wei Wuxian puts a hand to his heart. “Still spoiling me, after all this time.”

“I will spoil you forever,” Jin Yanli promises, “No matter whether you’re eight years old or eighty, I will always spoil my A-Xian rotten.”

Wei Wuxian laughs, delighted. He knows she means it, and that makes it all the more endearing.

The rest of the day is spent sipping tea, weeding the garden, watching the kids, and making plans for a double date. And, as Jin Yanli so wisely advised, Wei Wuxian savors every last minute of it.

[bxstiae]

HOW I RUN MY BLOG

SPEED: fluctuates on my mood. I’m relatively fast? like usually same day reply fast. sometimes it takes me a few days. know that the long it stays in my drafts, the longer i will take on it. my all time record is about 3 years. while granted it doesn’t take that long, don’t be surprised about it. best case scenario, it takes me a couple of weeks, i dont like having things fester. i also sometimes forget too! you are more than welcome to remind me if it seems like i have but please don’t make it a habit. in regards to response time on pms/discord -- short turnover rate. I usually respond to it within the hour. usually within seconds/minutes actually. if i am awake that is. unless im offline and in my happy place, i tend to log out of discord to get away from people when im overwhelmed. blog wise, i dont have him on my app. so messages are only when im on my laptop or have time to check on chrome mobile.  

REPLIES: i dont like drafting them. my dash is slow enough that i can scroll down to it. i will draft it though if i need to. length wise, im an avid writer. i write A LOT. they can get very lengthy at times. i write with a bit of prose -- that prose can get very HEAVY depending on my partners as well. i also format as well. i like heavier formatting without losing the quality of the writing. i dont like one-liners. you will see me with at least two paras or more. please know that i am dyslexic though when it comes to writing, and i have a bad habit of rereading my stuff after i post. so mistakes && errors are a thing for me. i try to catch it when i am rereading as im going through to format the posts. but sometimes things get missed. you are more than welcome to fix some if it is a bad spelling mistake ( better to ask first tho cause i spell with a brit keyboard -- and i specifically choose certain words to be spelt a specific way. )

STARTERS: when i post the starter call, any mutual ( && i really mean ANY of you ) can like it. this goes for if you follow me on multiple blogs. we interact already on one blog? by all means we can interact with one another on your other blog. but if you do, it gives me free reign to do whatever i want. look for my tags to see what i say too. they usually are a key factor in regards to my thought process. i try to get everybody done within reasonable time. dont worry i will never not make a mutual a starter if they like the call. i usually go for the first interaction/meeting with the muse though. if that doesn’t float your boat then you can message me about it. i normally don’t message people in regards to starters because A) im tired, B) i expect you to come to me.

INBOX: inbox is absolutely open to anybody! in fact, if i post a prompt, i ask that you send something in. even if we never interacted! im more versed into throwing the muse into a pre-established relationship. with the inbox, i will sometimes go to you because of that. i really do love to write, && the inbox is a perfect way to send something in without having any strings attached in regards to replies. like i said im an avid writer. i always want to write. sometimes people are slow and i get that. since im faster, i have no problem in doing inbox stuff for you to develop interaction ( aside from plotting ). best way to actually enjoy character interaction for me tbh. cause sometimes threading be hard okay?

SELECTIVITY: i am biased, i will say it now. i have preference over people i talk to ( who i consider my friends ), or people that i like. but that doesnt mean i will blatantly ignore you. people should know that if you talk to me, then the chances are i will give you more attention. sometimes i just click or vibe with people okay? in regards to following. i am on the heavy side of mutuals only and i prefer a slower dash. i give about a week for people to follow back, or ample enough time for them to follow. there will be some people that i will be fine if they arent mutuals though as i like their content. that being said, i try to be super fair to everybody. i give people an equal chance. if i follow you it means i want to interact with you ( there are super rare exceptions ). but go too long without interacting, then i will unfollow/softblock. im not a number for you. i have feelings. and, yes, i will, at random, unfollow those who either dont make me comfortable anymore, or i need time away from them. or im just not getting that vibe anymore. 

WISHLIST: see here && here for some stuff i want. i love his pokemon verse i have. i also love his FE verse i have as well. i have a FE3H AU as well but i will naturally throw him into FEH or FE3H for that verse. i have plotted with a friend in regards to an echoes verse as well. honestly. i just want a lot of stuff for him. i want more wolf interactions. i kinda favour his beast forme anyway. but i also want interactions with the language differences. there is a language barrier with him! but i want those interactions cause he understands you! i have that hc somewhere dug in my blog. gotta find it. other interactions? i want a midna to interact with. link && the links AU?? also what does a man gotta do around here to get people to discuss plots.

HONEST NOTE: if you think im an elitist, then find your way out of the door -- youre probably right and i dont want you here. ive been here for a really long time && i know what i want. all jokes aside though, im tired of people being intimidated by me for different reasons. some people think its my aesthetic ( when really im not that bad ). others are intimidated by the sheer amount of writing i do? like okay?? kindly fuck off please. i write for stress relief. i write to have fun. my idea of fun is writing a lot. if you have a problem with that then sorry but i dont want you here. i have a passion for my muses and if you dont want to hear it, then i dont have time for your complaining. theres an unfollow button. i have a journalism degree so... yea. but really. im just really tired okay. im actually a very sweet person and i wear my heart on my sleeve. anybody who knows me well enough can tell you that. i hate being ignored tbh, so if i find energy && time to like talk to you, at least acknowledge me by saying thank you. btw im not really that much of an an elitist -- i just LOOK like i have a hard shell, but im actually super soft and squishy.

Tagged by: nobody I stole from @pristinette​ Tagging: you do you fam. just @ me as per usual cause pretend i tagged you.

[putschki1969]

Hello, Sara. My name is Claire and I am also a huge fan of Kalafina. In the light of their disband (I dont wanna use this word this makes me sad :( ), I still listen their music every single day. With all my Kalafina enthusiasm, your detail information about Kalafina was really helpful and cleared few things up in my mind. While I have been reading your posts, there are a lot of your thoughts and feelings toward Kalafina that I agree with. So I do appreciate your effort and kindness.

Okay, this is my first time I am using tumblr. didnt know they have limited number of words. So my question is that I know you posted that why Yuki Kajiura left Space Craft due the change of her manager if I remember correctly. And the manager did not allow Kajiura to make music in her own preferences. Do you think this intervention affected Kajiura’s work afterwards. Because when far on the water was released, I thought the way she composes music was a lot different than before.

Hello Claire!

Yes, disbandment does sound very final so it’s really not a word I enjoy hearing in relation to Kalafina. However, I understand why Space Craft decided to use that term. It was time for them to make a clear cut so they could move forward.

No matter what, I am positive that one day they will stand on stage together (even if it is just for a single reunion-live). It will probably take years but it’s definitely going to happen.

Just like you I still listen to Kalafina and their solo projects regularly. I know some people find it painful to relive the old days but I personally find nothing but joy diving into Kalafina’s world again and again.

I am really glad my posts have been helpful. After all, spreading Kalafina-love is the sole purpose of this blog.

Yeah, sorry, Tumblr has quite a lot of character-limits when it comes to asks/messages/replies. Unlike many other social media platforms, Tumblr has not been designed with a focus on interaction (which is probably one of the reasons I chose to create my blog here XD).

Yes, Yuki’s long-time manager Mori ended up leaving Space Craft which in turn led to Yuki ending her contract as well. He had always given her some measure of free rein to do what she wanted. Generally speaking they have always been pretty close. In many of her old and new interviews Yuki talks a lot about wanting to have full control over what she creates. Which is why she was super excited to get the Kalafina project for Kara no Kyoukai. Space Craft put their faith in her and as we know, Yuki spun them gold. That’s not to say that she had control over everything. Creatively speaking, yes, I think she was allowed to make whatever she felt was best. However, the concept of Kalafina as we know them is almost entirely Space Craft’s brainchild. Yuki never meant to form a group with steady members and she definitely did not intend for the singers themselves to have so much spotlight. Let’s not forget, for Yuki, vocalists are really nothing more than human instruments. That’s totally fine of course but Space Craft knew that Kalafina wouldn’t have had a long life expectancy if things had gone according to Yuki’s vision. As a business-minded agency they naturally decided to use typical idol marketing strategies to promote Kalafina. It started with little things but gradually Kalafina became more and more “commercial” if you will. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not a bad thing. Good music alone unfortunately isn’t enough to survive in the Japanese music industry, you have to cater to the masses. And that’s what they did. Endless photo-heavy merch, lots of mainstream anime tie-ins, more elaborate stage productions, tons of appearances in popular events/TV programs etc…It’s those things that made their fanbase grow considerably which eventually led to them being able to perform THREE times at Nippon Budokan.

So yeah, what I am trying to say is that while Yuki gradually lost control over Kalafina as a “product” I don’t believe she ever yielded an inch when it came to her creative process. All the music she wrote was written because she wanted to write it, I am convinced of that. She doesn’t strike me as the type of person to phone in her work. Yes, her style has undergone some changes throughout the years (which weren’t always met with appreciation by fans) but for the most part I would say she has stayed faithful to her unique style (which most gifted composers do).

When “far on the water” was produced and released back in 2015 Mori was still Yuki’s manager and everything was perfectly fine. Any changes you might have noticed were absolutely on purpose. No one made Yuki do anything or guided her in a particular direction. This album is entirely her own vision and she loved making it, she has talked a lot about that in various interviews. She was also brimming over with further ideas for a new album which she was eager to produce (but alas, that never happened).

Things didn’t start falling apart until early 2017 when Mori left Space Craft (things didn’t seem to be perfectly peachy in late 2016 either but that’s reaching a bit too far). The changes from then onwards were very visible. Mori stopped being featured in the FictionJunction Club newsletters, the launch of Kalafina’s very own fan club Harmony was announced, all sorts of YK Lives went on hiatus, Kalafina’s 6th studio album which technically would have been due that year was never made, all focus went into increasing Kalafina’s live activities. I cannot say if at that point everyone had already predicted Kalafina’s fate and Space Craft were just milking the cow for all it’s worth or if that was a genuine effort to keep Kalafina alive as long as possible. I am leaning towards something in the middle of these two options. I think everyone involved had hoped for a better ending (or rather - no ending at all) but along the way (autumn 2017 I would say) it became clear to them that it wouldn’t work out.

I never outright said that the new management didn’t allow Yuki to do her own thing. Honestly, I have no idea if whoever replaced Mori was planning to take control of Yuki’s music. I suspect however that the new management might have wanted to take more of a lead which definitely would have put off Yuki… While tabloid articles have talked about creative differences between Yuki and the new manager, Yuki herself has never confirmed that that was the reason for her leaving (not that she ever would even if it were true). Yuki did however confirm in one of her FictionJunction Station newsletters that she no longer felt comfortable going on tour since she didn’t have the people around that she could trust. Maybe for a similar reason she didn’t feel like making a new Kalafina album which is why they had to focus so heavily on live activities that year.We are all creatures of habit. Yuki seems to only feel comfortable with Mori around. That’s fine. The only logical thing to do for her was follow his lead and leave Space Craft. Unfortunately she couldn’t take Kalafina with her so they ended up being collateral damage…*sighs*

And here we have another essay, sorry about that. it wasn’t my intention to write so much. My point is that I believe that in her time with Space Craft nothing/no one affected Yuki’s creative work, from the very first song “oblivious” right up until “Tombo” all songs are 100% Yuki and they were written/composed with much love, effort and dedication. Fans may not like everything she has created throughout the years but that’s just how life works. They have a hard time computing the fact that their favourite composer might have changed to an extent that they can’t appreciate anymore or that they themselves have developed different preferences. In such cases fans are eager to find someone to blame for that. Since they would rather not blame their idol Yuki they resort to blaming Space Craft. Space Craft have certainly done a lot of shitty stuff throughout the years but it would never cross my mind to make them responsible for Yuki’s music because that has always been under her control. 

Really, you shouldn’t be blaming anyone. These things happen, people change, people fall out of love with something. It’s easy to complain and lament the old days but what you have to do is just accept it, move forward and find something else.

[acnewperspectives]

Technical Difficulties and Fashion Don’ts, Part 1

Hey everyone! It’s that time again. I wasn’t able to play yesterday so I was extra eager to get started today. As always we are greeted by Isabelle during the setup process, but this time we’re interrupted by none other than Mr Resetti himself. 

I think I must have boot up the game quickly during the process of writing my last post in order to remember the number of bells or the name of an item or something else similar. Anyways this does bring up the first thing you guys can participate in. Would y’all prefer Cantata have the Reset Center restored or should we kick this mole to the curb? I have asks enabled and I believe I have anonymous asks enabled as well so you can let me know your opinion that way, or you could also reply to this post.

After the interruption Isabelle reminds us that we still need to go over our next steps as the new mayor.

I had forgotten about that. We can’t just jump straight into making public works projects, we have to build up to it. It shouldn’t take too long though so there’s no need to worry.

The town is all set up and I go to check the mailbox, but suddenly I had an error where the 3DS registered that the SD card was removed, so it crashed the game. 

That freaked me out a little bit and I popped the SD card in and out to make sure it was alright. Then I just booted the game back up.

Here’s round 2. Hopefully that error was just a fluke and there’s nothing wrong with my 3DS.

Opening our mailbox only held the letter from that anonymous individual that was originally supposed to be the mayor of our town. I’m sure you’ve all seen it by now but in case you haven’t:

There are a lot of theories about the identity of this person, but one popular one I quite like is that Rover was going to be mayor since he’s the only other person with you on the train. But because he’s a wandering soul at heart he took meeting you as an opportunity to escape. Just an interesting concept is all.

Right above our tent is a sectioned off area for a new villager.

Looks like this emo dude will be joining Cantata very shortly.

It looks like Katrina is here, might as well pay her a quick visit.

Oh shoot I have bad luck today? Or does she always say that? I don’t remember. I just know that sometimes when she predicts you have bad luck you’ll trip a lot when you walk/run.

Let’s see what she recommends. Gonna be something crazy like red leggings or something?

Oh...I mean, I was probably gonna get a hat or two anyway.

After exiting Katrina’s tent I went over to our snowman to get today’s bingo number.

The number of the day is 10 and I’m sorta close to a diagonal bingo except I think it’s too far to the center to count as a bingo.

Portia was just hanging around near the bridge so I thought it was a good time to say hi.

I think the darker purple tones complimented her fur colors a bit nicer but the sweater looks pretty as well.

I’m gonna rate it close to perfect cause it’s pretty, but it’s not amazing or anything.

Oh! Our first friendship gift exchange! How exciting!

I’m gonna be honest. Not digging it. I don’t usually go for the simple clothes with just text on them. But Portia is the real MVP here so we’ll wear it at least for the rest of the day.

Bill’s house was nearby so I dropped in to say hi to him as well. We had a brief conversation about where I decided to place my house and then moving into a writing letters tutorial. I’m hoping the tutorial speak won’t be super frequent but to be fair the previous games had their fair share of tutorial convos as well.

Spotted Peggy standing on top of a fossil hole. If I didn’t know any better I’d say she was trying to hide it.

She gave up and walked away once I made it clear I had spotted the hole.

A conversation with her only resulted in more tutorial speak this time about the bulletin board. I had actually forgotten to check it as a matter of fact. I should probably get into the habit of checking to see if there are any upcoming events since that’s the closest to an in game event calendar we have.

Barold gives a tutorial on screenshots and to be fair if I was a brand new player I would probably be very thankful for this information.

On the way to the top of the map we bump into Wisp.

I wish he had a bit of a character of his own outside of the amiibo functionality. him being nothing but a mechanic in the game kinda removes the excitement of actually finding him.  

After that I headed up to Main Street to see what’s in stock.

Oh sweet a bug net. that’ll make 3 of the tools collected.

I’m also really tempted by this sofa, but it probably won’t end up fitting with my house decor. Besides I don’t want to waste a lot of money too quickly.

Stepping into Able Sisters and boy do they have some interesting things in stock!

I’m really digging the long sleeve items and this looks very nice.

I also thought I’d try getting the frog pants so I can get out of that boring default skirt. Buuuut It doesn’t look quite as flattering as I’d hoped.

Maybe it’ll look a bit better with the shirt Portia gave me.

Eh....not reallyy. I think I may have made a mistake.

Anyway let’s see what accessories are in stock. Maybe a hat will help.

Oh. Oh wow. Actually, I think maybe the hat sorta helps.

We are an absolute hot mess of a fashion disaster today guys. I can’t tell if I’m embarrassed or proud.

Let’s go with proud.

Continue session in part 2: https://acnewperspectives.tumblr.com/post/190687117258/technical-difficulties-and-fashion-donts-part-2

[an-umbra]

You put a smile on my face. [Joker X Reader | One shot]

SHORT SUMMARY

Becoming a comedian. That's your dream. You have the opportunity to prove yourself because you have a guest appearance on a Murray Franklin Show. But it will be anything but amusing. While you hope for a successful evening, Murray amuses himself with Arthur's clip. Instead of bursting out in laughing you defend the man on the screen. Without knowing that the Joker has kept an eye on you now ...

AUTHORS NOTE

This is my first post on Tumblr, I am kinda nervous! Since English isnt my first language I apologise for any mistakes in the story, I tried my best though, haha-

Also, I didnt write anything for ages, so I am very thankful for any feedback on this! 🖤

Last but not least; Thank you to anyone who is taking her/his time to read the story. 🖤

CONTAINS

- The images/gifs used are from the Joker played by Joaquin Phoenix. Also, the story is based on events that happened in the movie. Still, you can imagine this with any version of the Joker you want to ~

- No real sexual content, but a bit of tension and touching 

- Word count: 1440

STORY

Faster, faster and faster your heart beats, until it feels like it could jump out of your chest at any moment. You could just turn around. It wasnt too late. Your eyes turned to the mirror where you saw your fear-distorted face. The wobbling of your legs - that was one of your habits when you got nervous - made your reflection shake up and down. "Just be yourself" you gave your image as advice and pressed the muscles of the corner of your mouth up, but you could not stop them from trembling. Nervousness was a feeding sensation. You just wanted to disappear, maybe back into your protective four walls, without spectators, without any human soul.

"Are you ready?"  a voice asked coming from the direction of the door. Am I ready? You repeatedly thought to yourself. You pressed your fingertips against your palm and exhaled one last time for the jump in the icy water. "For sure!" came back in response from you.

You stood up and let your hands slide over your dress. Every single fiber tickled your skin. One last look in the mirror; you at least should look good if everything went wrong. A pair of pants would have been more comfortable than this tight dress. You sighed and started questioning everything again. "(Y / N) please stand behind the curtain!" Your body jerks briefly before your feet carry you towards the curtain. While you stood in front of the curtain, you would have liked to disappear - whoosh - just gone like you've never been here. "Please welcome our next guest, (Y / N)!" Tap. Tap. Every single step echoed through the great hall. The clapping of the audience boomed in your ears and the spotlight fell on your pale skin. Swallow. Breathe. Everything would be fine, that was your first appearance. You gave the audience a short smile and raised your hands in the air to greet everybody. "Thank you so much for having me here today" you squeezed out of you as Murray reaches out to you. Next to him, you looked like a trembling puppy taking his first steps. Would you ever achieve this professionalism?

When you sat down on the sofa, Murray asked for an applause again, after all, it was your first time on a big stage. An audience like this and thousands of people watching you in front of the TV, it felt good. It felt really good. As if you could finally be heard. As if that was the beginning of your long-awaited dream as a comedian.

But Murray did not ask you for a joke. Not for a single one. "Today we want to take a look at the something" he told the audience. Alright. Maybe you could do a number afterwards. A clip appeared on the studio screen. It was a man. He held a kind of notebook in his hands. He flipped through the pages until he folded the book and began to speak: "It's funny, when I was a little boy, and told people I was going to be a comedian, everyone laughed at me. Well, no one's laughing now." The uncertainty in his voice promised that this guy was probably just as insecure as you were. You could understand him though. "Youre dead right!" Murray exclaimed with a puffed-up laugh. The audience laughed in rows. "What do you think of our encouraging beginning (Y / N)?" He turned to you and smiled at you. Put on and experienced. That's exactly what his smile looked like. "Are you serious now?" You put back as a question. You did not dare to blink, you even stopped the breath of air that you just took. What did you just say? Why were you so angry? It doesnt matter. It was too late to change what you just said. The moderator's smile slid down his face. The eyebrows snuggled closer to his eyes, which he squashed. He probably did not believe what he had heard himself. "Well" he began unaware, "dont you think that's funny?" Funny? You did not know what was funny about it. This man wanted to make people laugh. But they robbed him of this attempt. "I found the gentlemen you just demonstrated here funny" swallowing, you pressed your fingertips even harder in your hand until it almost hurt. "I do not want to be part of this show anymore." Now or never. You got up and looked into the audience. Disappointed faces. Whispering heads, which leaned towards their counterpart. Everyone was as horrified as Murray. Then you turned to the camera. "I apologize to you on behalf of this show ... keep trying to make people laugh. You already made me laugh." You tried to cheer up the man who had probably just watched this series with great anticipation and was now the victim of a corrosive society.

                               Tonight was your last performance on TV.

TWO WEEKS LATER

You sat in the train. The usual everyday life, working, eating and sleeping. Itwas sad, but it was paying off your bills. You had pressed your bag against your chest, because today the train was overcrowded again. Breathing was hardly possible, it felt like breathing in dust. Not long ago a movement had started in Gotham. Many people disguised themselves as clowns and protested. Triggered by a clown who shot and killed three employees of Wayne Enterprises in the subway. The tense situation in the city did not surprise you. Dissatisfaction. Poverty. Everything carried the city into the abyss. The train jerked your body back and forth, while your eyes remained fixed on the ground. Which station were you at? You looked up - boom - he had met you, the look you would never forget. First ice cold. Rigid. But when he noticed that you returned the intense eye contact, his expression changed. 

He puts a smile on his face, at the same time his right brow made a small jump. Left. Right. Your eyes looked around hastily. Nothing. He actually looked at you. You were overwhelmed. What should you say? Should you even say something? How did this guy know you? Thousand of questions. No Answer. He was different from the rest of the protesters, his face was full of make-up, it was no mask. Somehow it fascinated you. Was that weird? You saw the passion with which he had applied the mak -up. "City Hall" an artificial voice finally said. All clowns gathered before exiting. The squares emptied rapidly. Suddenly, a large hand placed itself on your thigh. The fingers slide into the inner side of your leg and gently pressed themselves into your flesh. "Thank you, beautiful" the deep voice whispered softly in your ear. Goosebumps appeared over your entire body and you released a pleasant sigh. Your ear became so hot that it was barely noticeable. The red lips of the clown easily brushed your ear and made you stare. "You turned my negative thoughts into some .. lets see how I should put it .. pretty" amusing "ones .." You could feel him grinning on your ear and starting to laugh softly. You recognized the laughter, even if it was only short. It was the laugh from Murray's show. The laughter of the man you were protecting. But this laugh, which now escaped his lips, reflected the madness of his soul. You liked it, you liked it a weird way, very much. He removed his face from your ear and looked you in the eyes for a few seconds. You could feel his hot breath on your lips. You may have been apart at one fingertip. His eyes fixed on your lips. Slowly you lowered your eyelids, so that they were only half open. It felt like an eternity until it happened, but finally he put his lips on yours. Nothing. There was nothing more than the overwhelming feeling in you. And the desire not to stop. But after your lips were touched briefly, the artificial voices made another announcement: "Step away, the doors are closing." He looked back hastily, took a few steps back and left the wagon. "Dont miss me too much (Y/N)" He licked his lips briefly and laughed a little louder. Him knowing your name made your heart skip a beat. But it also gave you the most sincere smile since a long time. 

When the train left the weird feeling remained in your entire body. Your eyes followed him until the last moment. "Too late .." you gave back as a late reply.

                 One little taste already made you went crazy for him

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