#[ but give me a moment to figure everything else and we can trULY get the party starting!!!!!!!!!!! orz ]

[maxwell-grant]

The Penguin: Episode 1 Breakdown

Thank you Lauren LeFranc, Mike Marino, Colin Farrell and Matt Reeves, we owe you the world for this, good God. It's finally here everyone and I've decided I'm gonna give each episode it's own post/breakdown of thoughts, because hahaha holy shit you guys this is beyond what I even dreamed of, and we're gonna be covering this for a while I think. I've worked out enough madness about this out of my system by talking with friends and I can't seem to be able to work on anything else till I get this done, so let's do it.

Bottom line: This isn't even just a must-watch if you like the Penguin or if you like The Batman, this is something I'd recommend to just about anyone in a heartbeat, something I can point to when people ask "why do you like The Penguin so much" and, instead of the elaborate nerd ramble that usually turns them off, I can just tell them to watch this. A friend of mine (who already loves Batman and digs the Penguin quite a bit) even told me as much, that he's starting to get why I love the character so much, and truly, is there a better feeling than this? Well, there is, and it's watching the show. Let's dig into this first episode:

Right upfront I'm gonna say that this doesn't really seem to be the Sopranos rip-off that people have been calling it before release, although there are definitely Sopranos comparisons to make here. I've spent the past months finally watching The Sopranos in order to get the comparison and definitely want to talk about those comparisons after I finish it (and this show ends). This thing aims to stand on it's own legs as a crime show and it's smashing out of the gate with an extremely promising first episode.

So this just casually opens with the reveal that all along, there was a second rich Gotham the whole time that was completely unaffected by everything we saw in the movie, already throwing a great twist on the events of that movie, and further reinforcing how fucking full of shit The Riddler was. All we saw Batman and the others deal with in the movie was just affecting the poorer parts of the city. All Eddie did was drown rats, and make life worse for the people already in the bottom, while never even getting close to targeting the systemic rot that ruined his life. He retains ideological worshippers in subways obsessed with the corruption of the city without doing anything to actually improve it, and because of him, the streets of Gotham are waterlogged shitholes while the rich Falcone suburbs are doing just fine, peachy even.

I said a while back that, in spite of having about 6 scenes/10 minutes of Penguin runtime, The Batman managed to squeeze impeccably controlled Penguin Trademark Scenes, and this show opens with the last one they didn't get to then: Penguin killing someone for making fun of him. In the movie, he tries doing that with Falcone and is beaten to the punch, so here he gets to actually do it to disastrous consequences.

Fucking adore that the inciting incident of the show is based on the fallout of Oswald killing someone for making fun of him. He pours his heart about the dream he lives his life for, his new boss makes fun of him for being an embarassment to their profession and then he does the most typical Penguin thing by killing him for it and laughing afterwards. And then he realizes how badly he fucked up, and then we get a fucking perfect titledrop with his musical theme, the exact moment we finish The Batman and enter The Penguin.

God it is so fucking cool how the make-up/lighting, the scar across his face, makes it look like he's got a genuine beak from certain angles, how they're able to achieve that effect without giving him a more literal beak for a nose. Everytime they talk about the character, Reeves and Farrell always emphasize how integral the make-up was to them figuring out what to do with Oz, how little they knew what to make of his six scenes until Marino created their monster and suddenly everything fell into place. Mike Marino fully deserves co-credit for the creation of Oz.

Pretty amusing that Victor, as designed to be Penguin's Robin, has exactly the same origin as Jason Todd, a poor street kid trying to steal the hubcaps off the Penguinmobile (I'm sure this bodes very well for his odds at survival), as is the way in which Oz goes on about his recruitment. He press-gangs this kid at gunpoint to help him bury a body arguing with himself and eventually the kid why shouldn't he just kill him to be safe, while trying to impress the kid with his car and air freshener and later that bullshit about "What, you think I hire any schmuck off the street?". From the tile drop onwards, he's doing everything on the fly while also spinning long-term plans set in motion as soon as he's on screen, he's taking this kid in out of sympathy and because he enjoys a power dynamic over someone weaker than him and because he very much needs someone to help him get stuff done. I'm extremely interested in exploring Penguin having a mentorship dynamic and I'm beyond curious as to what happens with Victor from this point onwards, but that poor kid is in for a terrible fucking time.

Found it very funny how much he half-asses the murder threat to Victor. Like it's his first time actually doing it and he's trying to be serious, but not too scary because he's already seeing himself in the poor kid with a stutter and wants the kid to think he's also a cool guy like he wants everyone to think he's a cool guy. I also think having Victor as the POV helps to sell moments like these, because it's still terrifying to him. Even as we follow their stories, these power players of Gotham are still big scary monsters to people caught in the dregs and Victor helps to reinforce that.

I enjoy Oz being friends with sex workers and drag queens off the street as much as I enjoy Oz being depicted as the kind of guy who deludes himself into thinking the prostitute he's with actually likes him, Lauren and Farrell launched into a bit about in on the podcast and I'm curious to see what's going on with him and Eve here.

Lots of perfect funny little character moments across the whole thing. Oz insulted by the idea of taking extra pickles off a poor kid's dirty mouth, but with zero hesitation whatsoever for picking jewelry off his boss' corpse. Dude is governed by principles even as he actively has to break them to survive.

"Technically it's plum." "He is the - or was the - new kingpin", "He's got nurse-like qualities." The show is not overtly trying to get you to find Penguin likeable as much as it wants you to find him engaging - making you think he's likeable is Colin Farrell's job and he's masterful at it, definitely a lot more matured within the character compared to the movie.

If there's anything in particular I'm thankful for regarding Gotham (well okay Gotham led directly to Telltale Penguin which was the basis for this one, so really I do have a lot more to be thankful with Gotham), it's the decision to give him a legit waddle via the broken foot, but the way they incorporate it here with the club foot does so much for him, so much as a modern day reinvention of The Penguin. Adds so much to why he's never been a serious candidate for mob leadership, why he kinda had to spend all his time in the Lounge, why he actually needs someone to help him run affairs, why he has such a gaping ego wound and is so murderously angry at people making fun of him / calling him a goddamn penguin, adds so much validation and so much darkness and nuance to Oswald's overwhelming anger and bitterness over how the world treats him (and so much power should he opt to reclaim it, in turn). It's the kind of thing that frankly feels like it should have always been part of the character, like what all the previous versions were itching closer to or trying to get at. Of course this is a guy gets called a penguin and he hates it badly enough to murder people over it, of course.

This gets to really highlight how differently Oz acts depending on who he's with. Traditionally, one of my favorite things about The Penguin, and one of the things that puts him above the other villains, is that, due to his position, he has to interact with a lot more people than the other Bat-villains. He has to manage a lot more relationships and dynamics, he has to play peacekeeper and puppetmaster. he's the only one in the United Underworld who's regularly interacting with and recruiting other villains to do business with. He's the guy who you pin stuff on like the Gangland Guardians, Team Penguin, doing betting pools with the Rogues taking cover in his Lounge while Joker War is happening, having to rig games to keep good standing with Maxie Zeus and Frenchy Blake in Batman Audio Adventures, and so on. So I greatly enjoy this beat here of him talking about how makes himself smaller before the Falcones, and that moment of him adjusting his outfit and practicing expressions in the mirror before meeting with them. How he contorts himself is present in all of his relationships, and retroactively adds to the way he carries himself in The Batman.

It seems that Oz is functionally regarded as the Paulie Walnuts of the Falcones: useful muscle, loyal for the most part and amusing to keep around, but largely an unstable self-serving dumb asskisser kept where he belongs, a liability if not kept on a short leash. I think the show does a good job of highlighting all the reasons why Oz has never been seriously regarded as a viable option for a boss, even putting aside his disability. He is a fundamentally embarassing person for these serious respectable criminals to be around and of course, the joke is ultimately on them..

Of course, there is only two people in the show who actually know what he's capable of, Francis Cobb and Sofia Falcone, said to be the central relationships defining the show moving forward. Both of them also a defining commonality with Oswald, being people who are looked down on and dehumanized, and characters who are underestimated until it's time to bear their fangs.

Extremely invested in where they're going with Sofia Falcone, Cristine Milioti's been killing it, and will in fact not stop killing it. What a perfect villain for Penguin they've set up with her, someone who has his Kryptonite: she does not underestimate him. Although we know in advance that Oz is going to live and be in the next movie, the question here isn't even so much who's going to win the gang war, and rather how much damage these two freaks will do to the city until Batman gets back. In many ways, Sofia represents the shape of things to come just as much as he does.

She is this embodiment of both the pristine unfathomable wealth and privilege and power that he both detests and strives for, as well as this brutal new breed of madness and violence attacking the streets that he has to survive against and make deals with (and is himself very much a part of, however he denies it). She is Falcone's legacy in every way that matters, both a Kingpin of Gotham whose existence creates the oppressive conditions under which a Batman or a Riddler are created, as well as the Arkham Rogue, the larger-than-life sadist with a tragic origin and a signature torture-murder method and an embarassing name for the papers.

Even the fact that she is The Hangman, and Carmine was defined around his penchant for brutally strangling women - regardless of whether or not she did the crimes that got her in Arkham, she's become this larger-than-life themed expression of a violent obsession in a way that sets her up as every bit the Batman villain that The Penguin is. The two champions of the two Gothams, duking it out in this new world The Batman and The Riddler made, The Penguin vs The Hangman.

I am so glad Lauren LeFranc made the call for binning Alberto in the first five minutes so the rest of the show can focus on Sofia and make a real character out of her in a way nobody's ever really done before, every step of the way so far LeFranc has been perfectly on the ball about where to take these characters and their conflict. And speaking of those,

I feel very confident in saying that this is the first time anyone's ever really had something worth doing with Oswald's mother as a character in her own right and not just a source of anguish for Penguin (Gotham was almost onto something with Gertrude, but not nearly enough). When it comes to Penguin origin stories, my favorite's always been the Pre-Crisis one, where he's poor and bullied but happy with his mom and birds until she dies and the government seizes everything he has, which doesn't necessarily involve her much. But here? Francine Cobb is a real character in what little time we get to know her, and what a character she is. We quickly understand the role she's playing in Oz's life, not just as his mom and person he loves and strives to protect, but the person who's sculpting him into the man he's going to become.

She is vulnerable and she does need meds and she's not quite all there, and Penguin's need to care for her is visible in other actions of his. But then they turn it around by showing how strong and demanding she is, how she is fiercely ambitious and pushing him to be something he would otherwise not be, how much she loves him and sees greatness in him. She knows he's a people pleaser, she knows how to push his buttons, and she wants him to be more, so of course he's going to be more, because he lives to please his mom.

Related to this is this absolute bullseye of a summation of The Penguin, that Lauren LeFranc delivered in the podcast: "Perhaps his greatest fear is that love is transactional. And that yet, everything he does, every decision he makes, is as if that's true. As if "love is transactional" is a truth he abides by". Oswald's conception of power is being loved and revered like Rex Calabrese, and the love he wants most in all the world is the one from his mother. So in turn this, and all extensions of it, drive him to greater and darker lengths.

He doesn't have that ambition quite down yet, it's his mom that does. She who's pushing him to take over the city and not just be a guy scraping by for survival. He's smart and ambitious and extremely good at slipping out of trouble, but she's pushing him to be the guy who will be taking the city by the horns because that's what he has to be for their sake. Her legacy to her son is nurturing him having that dog in him that will make him the supervillain who picks fights with Vengeance. She is the force that's turning Oswald into The Goddamn Penguin and I can't wait to see how she's developed.

Of course he reprimands Victor in that scene for lacking ambition, who do you think he gets it from?

Really love what they've done with Sal Maroni in here so far. I like adaptations that take these throwaway Batman backstory gangsters and make something out of them, in this case, with Clancy Brown lending his power and voice and reputation as The Grand Boss of Villainy to play the last Respectable Gangster of Gotham, this intimidating principled old tiger who's inversely proportional to how much of a petty and scummy piece of shit Carmine Falcone was. Extremely a guy I'd want to see playing a hand in the creation of Two-Face. Just as crucial is the fact that he is the one who gets the most effortlessly outplayed by Oz here, because this is The Penguin Show: no room for traditional or respectable gangsters anymore, their purpose is to be crapped all over by our wacko birdman.

There's a lot about this that re-contextualizes his behavior in The Batman and the one I'm gonna point out is: even though he can't be sure his plan didn't completely go to shit, he is still keeping his wits and not being terribly scared about being beaten up and tortured and staring down the scariest Falcone with a gun shoved in his throat. But he craps his pants at the sight of the Batmobile. He gets pain, he gets indignity, but he doesn't get Vengeance, what kind of sick freak would come up with the stuff that guy does. A gun in his mouth and Falcone torture is just Tuesday, but a car that wants to eat his soul is some psycho shit he's just not ready to deal with.

It is the delicious tasty fucking irony that Oswald thinks Vengeance is this weird freak who doesn't play or bend to any rules and is here to fuck up everything, just like the madman who flooded the city, and thinks of himself in turn as a justifiable guy standing for the respectable old-fashioned empathetic way of doing things, instead of the exact same thing that Riddler and Batman are. Only Sofia gets what he really is, the same thing as her, and that's why she is the arch-enemy / the biggest thing he's gotta defeat in life for now.

God, how fucking PERFECT it is that he gets caught and tortured because he, after stabbing out a man's eye and causing him to get run over by a schoolbus, stops to wave at the kids in that schoolbus while covered in blood. Just the Rex Calabrese of it all, the self-image, this guy who's both a mean nasty son of a bitch and also a real bleeding heart softie and in ways that ruin his life and allow him to slip and wriggle his way out of shit he has no right to, as demonstrated by the finale.

Thinking about Sofia chastizing Oz saying he thinks she is a toy to play with, while rattling off the ways in which she owns him and everything he has, all the ridiculous little accessories her daddy let him play him, and he in turn is a ridiculous little accessory for the family she is twisting until it breaks. Perfect fucking villain for him. Can't wait to see how badly these two are gonna burn Gotham.

I knew deep in my heart that all I wanted out of a Penguin show, the thing that I simply needed to have in it, was Penguin pulling a heist set-up in advance, and it fucking delivered. He doesn't even complain at Victor for being late, because if anything, getting captured and tortured while the car crashed was even better for him. No, he complains at Victor for not being sufficiently gruesome with the body. See, unlike other cowardly anti-hero reinventions of Bat-villains, the show never wants you to forget that Oz is a weird freak and a disgusting piece of shit, even if he is a very likeable and even aspirational one. Only by the most random stroke of fate it wasn't Victor that he fed to the wolves at that moment, that he sees himself in the kid isn't exactly ensuring that he's gonna make out of this in one piece.

Mr. Vengeance gets Nirvana, and Mr. Boniface gets Dolly Parton, perfect credits.

In conclusion: Out of everything they could have done following the thunderous success of The Batman and it's ensuing influence over the DCU, out of all the offers Reeves must have gotten to helm their new universe after delivering a megahit reinvention of their breadwinner blockbuster character, Matt Reeves went "Nah, I listened to my crew, and what we really want to do is 8 hours of television about the waddling freak who's in my movie for 10 minutes", and he and his crew deserve the world for that. I dreamed as a kid of getting to make a big Penguin story or show, a wild impossible idea that would never actually happen, and now it's here and it's better than anything I'd ever imagined.

I'm fit to burst with joy and riding a high of no longer having to hunt for scraps and washing away decades of put-downs for the character and enjoying a Penguin renaissance like one I never imagined happening. I am extremely not an unbiased reviewer here, this show rules and I've waited for it since I was a kid and it's here, drink it the fuck in cause it's only the beginning.

[barcaatthemoon]

glass || alexia putellas x reader ||

you and alexia get tired of having to be so careful around each other.

alexia knew that there was a lot mentally that went into having a partner like you. she had been your friend for years before the two of you made the decision to start a romantic relationship. you had always been a very emotional person, taking everything to heart even if it wasn't personal. alexia understood that there was a certain tact that had to be used whenever you hit a depressive episode.

for the most part, alexia had mastered how to take care of you when things got bad. she would have walked away from football completely for you, and almost had before. she had taken little breaks, only as much time as you'd allow her. now though, she was torn between doing what you wanted and what she felt was right.

everything that you were going through, alexia went through with you. if you were suffering in silence, then she sat there trying to figure out how to help you. you wanted her to move on, but she couldn't go forward without making sure that you were following her. it had caused quite a few fights, and was why alexia was currently losing her mind at her sister's while she waited for you to text her.

"alexia, you're going to pace a hole right through the floor," alba said, hopeful that her words would distract alexia a bit. "if you are so worried about (y/n), why don't you just go over there? it's your house too."

"she asked for some space, alba. i don't want to crowd her," alexia said. it was very decisive, and alba wished that alexia would have stuck with it. instead, the woman was up and pacing around again before she finally stormed off to get you. alba hadn't been a fan of having alexia there instead of with you, but you had actually asked for alexia to leave for the night. in alexia's mind, now that it was morning, she was free to come check on you.

it wasn't that alexia didn't trust you because there was nobody else in the world that she trusted more. alexia was just scared that you'd get reckless. most of the time when you hurt yourself, it was an accident. it was when you threw caution to the wind that alexia truly got scared.

"(y/n)? it's me, alexia. i'm here to get some things and see how you're doing!" alexia called out into the apartment. you smiled a little to yourself as you walked out of the kitchen. alexia's face dropped as she saw you holding a kitchen towel over your hand. "what happened?"

"it's fine, i was just trying to make something for breakfast. i was going to call you over, but i was never good at cutting the meat." you were far more relaxed about this than alexia was. she rushed over to inspect your cut as it flowed blood into the towel.

"i can't leave you alone for one second without you hurting yourself, can i?" alexia sounded angry. every movement she made was overly aggressive as she dragged you to the bathroom to clean you up.

"alexia, i can take care of myself," you tried to tell her. you tried to break away from her, which snapped alexia out of whatever little mood she had been in. "it's fine. i mean, i'm fine, so it's okay. it was an accident, you'd know that if you had let me get a word in."

"it's not just this, but i am sorry. i reacted badly," alexia apologized. she leaned back against the sink as she watched you wrap your hand. "we should go to the hospital for that."

"it's just a cut. you opened it when you grabbed my wrist like that, give it a moment and it'll stop," you told her. alexia sighed as she tried to move towards you. you flinched away, and alexia swore that she felt her heart shatter in her chest. "i'm going to clean up in the kitchen. i'm not very hungry anymore."

"no, (y/n) wait! go in the living room, i'll make us breakfast," alexia offered. you wanted to just crawl into bed and forget about the world until training, but alexia wouldn't let that happen. you walked past her wordlessly and settled on the couch, watching from there as alexia moved around the kitchen to finish breakfast. it was pretty obvious to her what you had started, so with a bit of difficulty, alexia finished.

"it looks good, you didn't burn the eggs this time," you complimented. alexia turned slightly, just enough to hide her plate from you. truthfully, you could smell the bit of egg that had definitely burnt, but you didn't want to pick any fights with alexia. you didn't have the energy to argue anymore.

"i'm sorry that i got angry earlier. i want you to know that i wasn't mad at you, i was just scared. alba told me not to stay the night, that i should march my sorry ass back here and just stay in my office. i only came back here because i was scared when you hadn't said good morning. i tried to do things right by you, but instead, i fucked up. i'm mad at myself," alexia explained.

"i'm mad that you don't trust me anymore. maybe you never did, but you were better at hiding it then. now, it's like we're both trying to dance with broken glass all over the floor. you're graceful and agile, but i keep stomping on the pieces and making it worse."

"then let's be up front about it. we'll stop pretending that the glass isn't there. i get scared when you stop caring because what if something happens and you don't try to stop it? you could leave without me, but i couldn't live with myself if something happened to you." you glanced over at alexia, who was fully crying now. there had once been a time when you'd have burst into sympathetic tears, but now all you felt was guilt. you felt awful about yourself for scaring her like this, even if none of it was on purpose. "talk to me, please."

"i'll be more careful. it's not for myself right now, it's for you, but that's one hell of a reason to take care of myself. i'll go through the proper steps to try and get better. it's not fair after i've been like this to just ask you to trust me when i wouldn't trust myself. i made this mess, and i'm happy that you aren't going to make me clean it up by myself."

"thank you," alexia mumbled as she leaned over to press a kiss to the side of your forehead. you settled back against the couch with one of her arms around your shoulders. alexia picked at her plate until you gave her half of yours and put in an order for delivery.

[girlokwhatever]

i have an emily idea cooking … ok so they played together at louisville (maybe reader is a year or two younger than em) and dated. they broke up and emily left for the wnba. reader transferred to uconn bc louisville reminded her too much of emily. two years later reader is drafted and ends up on the mystics with emily 🙈

(guys i’m switching up the draft picks a little bit to fit the plot ok i know washington wasn’t second pick)

𖤓✎⋆·˚ ༘ *✧.*ੈ✩‧₊˚ end of beginning,,

part two

emily engstler x fem!ex!reader

“i am happy for you emily, truly i am.”

“then why are you breaking up with me? you don’t know that long distance won’t work.”

tears stream down both of your faces, a consequence of your decision to end things with emily. she committed to the draft that was only days away and was projected to rank very high. she was leaving louisville, which meant she was leaving you and the life you built together.

you weren’t mad at her at all. you really were happy for her and her accomplishments. it was going to break you to watch her leave and not come back, which is why you made the decision you did. selfishly, you needed to focus on your career. you needed to let her go so that the two of you could grow on your own.

“emily..”

“please don’t do this. we can try. i’ll try. please.”

you meant the world to emily, encouraged her to do great things and be a better person. she felt as if she owed the entire past year to you and your motivation that kept her going even through the darkest moments. you’d been a great comfort to her. there would be late nights when nothing else mattered but the feeling of you in her arms. she’d do anything for you.

she’d do anything for you.

“i can’t,”

your voice is barely above a whisper. you’re trying to hold back the sob threatening to spill over. sometimes the best choices were the hardest ones to make.

emily drags her hands down her face and peers over at you. you’re not looking at her anymore, head turned and eyes squeezed shut. she reaches out for you and cups her hand around the side of your face. when you lean into her touch she feels sick, finally letting the reality of having to let you go sink in.

“it’s okay. i get it, i know. i love you.”

she kisses your forehead as she stands, letting her hand drop back down to her side. you relish in the feeling before it’s gone because you know this will probably be the last time you feel it. that same feeling that still gives you butterflies.

“i love you too, em.”

that was two years ago.

you went to watch her get drafted, eyes teary and gleaming as you followed her figure walking to the stage after getting picked forth overall. you cheered and cried for her as if nothing had changed.

a few days after that you entered the transfer portal. everything reminded you too much of her. her name was still plastered on the cubby next to yours in the locker room, her scent still lingered in your sheets, her spot on the couch was left untouched, her absence in the home court was noted heavily.

you ended up signing with uconn. the last two years of your collegiate career were spent there, growing and expanding as not only a player but a person. the friends you made were phenomenal and helped you grieve with the ones you lost.

due to the extra work you were putting into your dream, you grew exponentially in popularity on social media along with your fellow teammate paige bueckers. you were close to everyone on the team, especially her. it led to people shipping the two of you much to your surprise.

you hadn’t dated anyone since emily.

but now it was your turn to be drafted. you committed to the draft alongside your two teammates nika and aaliyah. life was good. after two years of struggling and trying to find yourself, things were finally falling into place.

you’d gotten second overall pick in the first round. the washington mystics selected you and you were beyond grateful for the opportunity. you turned to give your coach a hug, noticing paige and azzi recording in the back with wide smiles on their faces.

it felt like a fever dream honestly. the rest of the night flew by, interviews and interactions seemingly only lasting seconds before you were pulled off to the next person. through the haze, you forgot what would be waiting for you once you arrived in washington.

or who.

emily watched the draft, nervous with anticipation to see where you’d end up. when she heard your name and washington mystics in the same sentence, her heart started pounding in her chest.

she never got over you. it made starting the league hard for her considering she lost her main pillar of love and support. her year with the indiana fever was full of intense moments and anger, always feeling like she wasn’t giving enough and kept having to prove herself.

the next year was even harder. she suffered a rough shoulder injury, leading to countless days of physical therapy and doctor visits. all without you.

to know that she’d see you again in only a short number of days was terrifying. you’d both be in training camp together which lasted weeks, spending day after day seeing each other. though it made her anxious, emily was also excited. she would get to see you again in all your glory, hopefully being able to smile and laugh together like you used to.

emily walked into the mystics gym, setting her bag down and standing to observe the room. there were a few people there already, you being one of them. her eyes immediately found you and your figure, so recognizable to emily.

you seemed to have this glowing aura around you. a smile was plastered on your face as you talked to ariel. you dribbled a basketball between your hands effortlessly, adjusting to the weight and getting used to your new surroundings. your eyes also wandered after you broke away from ariel, finding emily across the room.

you’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss her. two years without her was a major struggle for you. sometimes, late at night, you wondered what it would’ve been like if you had never broken up with her. there were countless times when you regretted your choice. you never considered the fact that you could possibly be teammates again one day. certainly not so soon.

you wandered onto the court, leaving all your aimless thoughts behind. the rest of the trainees gathered with you and started a simple drill where you and a partner would take turns shooting and guarding one another.

by second nature you and emily found each other, shyly muttering a quick, “do you wanna be my partner?”

“yeah, i’d love to.” her heart was pounding at your words, imagining that maybe, just maybe, you missed her too. she smiled at your shyness, finding it ironic how your relationship had devolved.

emily was considerably taller than you, so shooting over her was not easy feat. at some moments you felt like she was letting you drain shots purposefully, even if she swore she wasn’t. you were even able to block a few of her shots, mostly when she kept her feet planted though.

after awhile and a few rotations, the coach offered a different drill. he split the group in two and let you scrimmage, you and emily somehow ending up on the same team.

it was giving you deja vu. anytime you’d get the ball emily was there either setting a screen or opening a path for you. it felt like she never left, like you never split, like you two were still the dynamic duo you were known to be at one point. like she was still your emily.

being here with her made you feel like your old self. the you from louisville, playing with the emily from louisville. in a time where you were both still in love and happy. another version of yourself was here, the best version of yourself.

after hours of sweating and nearly collapsing from being breathless, the day’s training was coming to an end. you drained one more three point shot, finally feeling satisfied with your performance. everyone cheered for you playfully as you collected your bag, quickly heading back to your car. you made it all the way to the parking lot before hearing a voice.

“you did really good today.”

you turned to see emily standing behind you, slightly disheveled and out of breath. she was smiling softly at you the same way she used to. it still made you flutter to this day, especially when you remember all the memories the two of you share.

“thank you, you too! your defense is still so good.”

“thank you,”

you both stood there in silence, not quite ready to break away. being around her offered you some sense of comfort in such an unfamiliar place.

“how’s paige?”

“paige? i mean, she’s good.”

“are you two, like.. together?”

“what- no. we’re just friends.”

emily nods, satisfied at the information. she’s slightly embarrassed for even asking, but she had to know. she had to know if you moved on with someone else.

“so then, is it okay if i take you out to dinner?”

“like, right now?”

“just tonight. you can shower and stuff of course.”

you don’t even have to think about your answer. you’d been wanting a moment like this for over a year. you missed her so much, too much. it was starting to affect you mentally. you’d wonder about her too often, having to fight some of the strongest urges to reach out to her and ask how she was doing.

“yeah, yeah. i’d really like that.”

she’s smiling, allowing it to reach her eyes as she waves you off. she felt like she was home again, even though she was still thousands of miles away. you were here, and that’s all she needed. any moment with you felt so right.

she took the time apart from you to grow as her own person, but now she was ready to grow again with you.

hopefully, you’d be ready too.

𖤓✎⋆·˚ ༘ *✧.*ੈ✩‧₊˚

guys hopefully the song makes sense for this fic

should i make a part two idk?!!?!

also i will spell check this tomorrow.

[lunartuness]

Spoilers for Book of Bill

Thoughts on Bill talking about Ford

I was not prepared for canon Billford in the year 2024 and yet here we are.

But seriously, I'm kinda surprised how much Bill actually liked and valued Ford? Obviously it's in a horrible, toxic, never come within the same continent as them kind of way but it's just, I always kind of figured their relationship (while obviously adoring from Ford's end due to Journal 3) was mainly just Bill humoring Ford long enough until he no longer needs him. Like, 'yeah, sure, of course you're special, I definitely believe in you' sort of nonsense.

But in Bill's book it's implied multiple times he had as close to a crush on Ford as he's probably capable of. I mean, the whole 'love cage' section is literally verbatim what he did to Ford (and just wait until they're mentally broken enough to confess their true feelings! Fear and love are basically the same thing!) And in the valentine's section he talks about leaving mice, which again, he did for Ford's birthday, and then when he wasn't happy about that, got him drunk enough to have a good time (implied kinda forcibly? since Ford declined beforehand). Then there's the fact he literally calls Fiddleford a third wheel (also coincidentally after we just learn Fiddleford spent hours on handmade gifts for Ford and forgot to get his wife anything).

And when Ford finally does catch on and things go bad? Bill tries first to talk with Ford through the zombies (to manipulate him, of course, but also Admit it, you'd miss me. I have missed you, and Bill actually smiles.) And then leaves little sticky notes asking nicely to talk. When he finally gets mad enough to escalate, he still does so in a very not-violent-for-Bill-way. Sure, killing Ford wouldn't help him but we know how messed up Bill can get. And yet what does he do? He leaves Ford's body to almost freeze, only to have a warm fire and a love song playing when he wakes up. He causes mild public disturbances and gives him an obnoxious tattoo. When he finally, finally snaps is when we start to see more of the Bill we got in the show when he tortures Ford a bit. But even that is mild?

Like, Bill rearranged a man's face for fun and takes joy in destroying the Nightmare Realm. But after threating Ford he leaves him unharmed. Very mentally scarred, yes, but safe and intact. He even gives him three days to get his life together. And then treats it like a messy breakup when Ford finally breaks free. Hell, it seems like he was more upset about losing Ford than losing the portal.

All this is to say that I think from Bill's point of view he was being genuinely kind to Ford. He gave him gifts, complimented him, and tried to work things out peacefully when Ford started pulling away (again, his very messed up version of peaceful, but the point still stands).

So when they do finally meet again? Bill still offers Ford a spot next to him. Again, I originally thought this was more playing into Ford's ego while taking a cheap shot at him (i.e. you'll fit in great with the freaks!), but by now it's obvious he wants Ford. He's petty and cruel and horribly abusive about it, but in his own twisted way he likes Ford. A lot. Enough to show mercy (or at least not be as violent as he could be) and to try and give him multiple chances to come back, no apology needed!

And the worst part is Bill knows this. Bill's trying to make this relationship work. He feels connected to Ford in a way he quite possibly hasn't felt with anyone else. And he knows its doomed to fail. In his mind he has to destroy everything he touches and everything he cares about. Any other connections he has are either superficial or dead to him (usually literally). This relationship will end the same way, it's just in Bill's nature. To him, that's all his relationships are capable of being.

All this just makes me sad and adds so much depth and I'm obsessed. There's just something about self-destructive and truly cruel characters having moments where they wish they weren't that way. Where they'll come the closest they ever can to apologizing for how they are.

(Also Bill literally wanted Ford to get a tattoo saying 'If lost return to Bill' like we cannot just ignore that oh my god)

[unoislazy]

Question, What Question? (Part 2)

Hiccup Haddock x Reader

Summary: You and Hiccup go out to figure out where that smokes coming from. You decide to return back to Berk to tell Stoick what you saw. However, Stoick had other plans in mind.

No warnings

Just fairly short.

————————————————————

You and Hiccup neared the large plume of smoke, both having no idea what it could be, and your concern growing. Once you had neared the fire, you saw what looked to be a broken up fort with large pieces of ice staggered throughout it.

You stared at the massive amounts of damage and immediately went to turn around,

“Not my circus, not my monkeys.” You said only for Hiccup to pop back up in front of you.

“Come on, let’s just check it out, what’s the worst that could-“

“Do not finish that sentence.” You warned, sending a glare his way. The last thing you needed right now was for him to jinx anything. Hiccup continued to stare at you pleadingly, not giving up on the topic before you sighed, finally agreeing to tag along as he went over to explore.

“What do you think could have done all this?” Hiccup asked, not taking his eyes off the teal ice structure before him.

“How would I know, you're the dragon guy.” You answered sarcastically to which Hiccup rolled his eyes and responded,

“Well… no Fishlegs would be the dragon guy. I’m more of a… dragon tamer.”

“Dragon guy, dragon tamer, dragon master, does any of that truly matter right now?”

“Yeah, Well the distinction is very important the dragon g-“ Before Hiccup could say anything else you had noticed trappers on deck of the dismantled fort below, aiming right at him.

“Hiccup, look out!” You shouted, trying to help block the netting that was sent his way, and instead you had gotten your own dragon caught. Your dragon was heading straight for the ground, and you could barely hang on as it was falling a lot faster than you were. You very quickly lost a hold of the leather pieces you used to steer it and you were sent flying into the air.

You screamed as you continued to plummet towards the ground but thankfully Toothless was able to catch you safely. You all quickly made your way down to the deck with the dragon trappers, attempting to run over to free your dragon, only to be stopped by the men who now surrounded you.

“Give me back my dragon!” You shouted, as a very muscular man walked over, gazing at your dragon with interest and a gloating smile. You weren’t gonna lie, he would’ve been a bit more attractive had he not just placed his entire foot on your dragon's face.

“Now what good would that do me?” He asked rhetorically, smirking as he finally looked towards you and Hiccup, realizing you were accompanied by a Night Fury.

“Well soil my britches, that there’s a Night Fury.” He stated, pointing his knife towards Toothless.

“Good job, you can see, now can I get my dragon back?” You asked, clearly not wanting to take no for an answer.

“Sorry love, no can do. Not after your friend from last night blew this place to bits. This dragon now belongs to Drago Bludvist.” The man claimed. You sneered at the mocking pet name he had given you, not even noticing the name he had mentioned.

“Drago who now? Does anything you say make sense?” Hiccup asked jokingly, gesturing dramatically with his arms and shoulders as he looked back at you.

“You think we did this? What kind of creature is even capable of this?” You asked, astonished that someone could even think to blame you for such a massive feat.

“Who even are you?” Hiccup asked, trying to figure out what was going on because at the moment you both were just an entire bundle of confusion and questions and this conversation was not helping.

“Where are my manners? I'm Eret, son of Eret.” He introduced, but you stopped paying attention to everything else he was saying as you watched his movements. You noticed as his eyes darted to somewhere just behind you, his hand pointing directly at you.

“Uh Hiccup… we might want to-“ you began to whisper to him,

“Way ahead of you.” He whispered back, backing up.

“You’re Eret, this is Toothless, and we’re leaving!” Hiccup said in a joking manner, hopping on Toothless, “Now!” He shouted, signaling Toothless to shoot a blast at the ice ledge just above the trappers, safely freeing your dragon whom you hopped on right away and rode off.

“What was that all about?” You asked, not really expecting an answer from Hiccup who seemed pretty lost in thought. You decided to just drop the conversation and let him think through whatever he was thinking about at that point.

You both made your way back to Berk, landing in front of the Forge with a multitude of people cheering that Hiccup had returned.

“Ah, the Pride of Berk!” Stoick cheered as he saw Hiccup, then he looked over and noticed that you were with him. His mind was clearly on a different topic than you two as he quickly asked,

“So… how did it go?”

You looked towards the man confused.

“How did what go?” You asked, there was no way he could’ve known about your encounter yet, and even if he did he would’ve known it didn’t go all that well.

“You know… the question? What did you say?” He asked jovially. One could almost compare him to a very intimidating red headed Santa Claus.

“What… question?” You asked, turning to Hiccup who seemed to just realize what Stoick was talking about.

“I- Dad, I haven’t asked it yet.” Hiccup butted in through a very clenched smile, he was clearly keeping something from you and it would be wrong to not want to know what it was at this point. You could make assumptions but most of the options you had in mind you didn’t want to jump to on the high chance you would just be getting your hopes up.

“Hiccup, if you’re going to be Chief you need to-“ Stoick began only to be cut off by Hiccup yet again.

“Dad, that’s not the focus here. I'm trying to tell you about something that happened. It’s really important.” He said, trying to deter his father from continuing the conversation.

“Well this is important too, son. If you’re to lead, you should lead with someone by your side.” Stoick laughed, pushing Hiccup into you in a very well meaning way. Hiccup was clearly very flustered by this conversation, but you were still a few steps behind.

“Dad I don’t think-“ Hiccup began only to be cut off by you,

“Is that… is your question what I think it is? Is that the question you were going to ask? You want me to-“ You began, only for Hiccup to cut you off instead.

“Listen, we can talk this out later… preferably with less people around. This is not how I wanted you to find out.” Hiccup sighed, dragging his hands down his face as he groaned, clearly stressed about the current situation. You stood still as Hiccup followed his dad into the forge, explaining what you both had encountered but you simply watched, unmoving, as if you were in a trance.

Was he going to ask…

To marry you???

[tealvenetianmask]

I rewatched the Helluva Boss trailer today and tried something different. Instead of looking for upcoming details or clues about what might happen, I looked for a narrative. I tried to imagine what the editors were thinking as they chose clips (both visual and audio) to include, and why.

I thought that MAYBE in light of having seen two of the episodes (and weeped over them, and analyzed them into the ground) most heavily featured in the trailer, I might learn something from doing this.

My conclusion is *drumroll* that the clips were chosen to introduce problems. AND NOT TELL US ANY OF THE OUTCOMES SO WE WOULD FUCKING SUFFER. Not too different from a movie trailer really.

So there are four main problems set up. Each of them are set up to make us ask questions.

Villains: Oh, what an array. Cherubs, Dhorks, new John Waters villain, Andrealphus, shadowy figures in hoods, Mammon flipping off the camera, etc. We're given very little information about how any of these confrontations will go. We just know there will be conflict/danger.

2. Blitz vs. self: "you always take from those around you . . ." "do you feel any kind of remorse for what you do?" "I make everyone's lives worse." "I don't want to be this way, not forever." One could argue that we've already seen tremendous growth with that last quote appearing in Apology Tour. I think that if I saw this group of quotes together without the context of the episodes so far, I would have assumed it would come last. But I think it's the beginning of a journey. We haven't heard all of these lines yet. And the ones we haven't heard might get closer to the self-loathing Blitz is dealing with than anything we've seen yet. These lines are telling us about a problem- again, the outcome is left blank. How will Blitz transform once he discovers that he wants to change and starts confronting the truly scary things living inside of him.

3. Stolitz: Okay so ALMOST everything in the trailer that has to do with their relationship is from either The Full Moon or Apology Tour. And in retrospect, it was pretty spoiler heavy. Maybe this is my shipper delulu speaking, but I think the writers/editors were okay with the trailer giving this much away from these two episodes BECAUSE these episodes set up the problems with their relationship and do not reveal the outcome.

The problems are ones we knew existed but have now seen tear them apart: Stolas wanting someone to care and Blitz wanting to be respected, the fact that they both love each other and want to be together but each think they're not wanted. Then there's the cruel as fuck framing where the trailer puts together Blitz looking at Stolas in awe and Stolas smiling as if they're in the same moment, only for us to find out in the actual episode that someone else is making Stolas smile.

Anyway, this is all to say that yes, I think that narratively they will get together at or near the end of the season. The trailer tells us that they both love each other despite the problems that are laid out. The solution IS for them to come back together somehow. And the trailer gives us that split second clip of Blitz defending Stolas to . . . I don't know . . . stop heartbroken shippers from rage quitting the show altogether after Apology Tour.

4. Stolas and Octavia: when it comes to the first two episodes in this group, this one has been visible in the show only through Octavia's absence . . . But if we look at the trailer as setting up problems, the problem is clear. "You never loved mother and you don't love me. You love him." Shit is going to hit the fan. And again, we have no idea what the outcome is going to be.

So conclusions?

Trailers are a cool art-form. They have to be narratively cohesive without giving away any outcomes. They have to make us want to see more. They can scare us but they can't be so depressing that they make us give up.

We didn't get random parts of the upcoming story. We got the earlier parts. At least, the earlier parts of each conflict (likely to be spread out somewhat), but please notice that the trailer has told us VERY LITTLE about Mastermind and Sinsmas.

There's very little reassurance in the trailer. It's supposed to be that way. But we do have hints that stolitz will be okay. Trust.

[serverusslaype]

Special

just a random short angsty, sort of fluffy one-shot, Severus Snape x professor!reader

i just wrote this right now because im in an angsty sort of mood, and i wanted to post something. i miss you guys, and i am now currently writing part 14 to shameless!! woo!! that break did my brain well. i feel refreshed hehe. <3 thank you for giving me some tips on how to get rid of that godforsaken writer's block, good lord. i hated it. but i'm free now, until next time ;)

this is a drabble/one-shot so it's sort of vague-ish, so yeah, if there's any mistakes or anything i'm sorry. ;(

(i also didn't put the taglist since it isn't part of the shameless fic! just in case you wondered!)

warnings: mentions of cheating

"If it makes you stop crying," Snape began hesitantly as he stared at your tear-stained face, frowning with a scrunched nose of what seemed like disgust. "We can go back to my office, and I'll make you some tea." He said, shoulders rising and falling slowly as he sighed. Watching you be so sad and cry wasn't something Snape was fond of, and it was effecting him - more than he wanted to admit. He just hoped you'd accept his request of making you some tea, then perhaps he could figure out what was making you so upset, and punish the culprits. Snape had always had a little soft-spot for you ever since you'd joined Hogwarts as a professor a year or so ago. Usually he didn't feel such a way towards younger, new professors, however, your kind and sweet aura had him unexpectedly mesmerised the moment you'd introduced yourself to him. The Potions Master wasn't exactly sure why he felt this way towards you so soon, but he knew it couldn't be good - the last time he felt something like this was back when he was a child.

You looked up, still sobbing quietly, managing to slip a confused frown upon your face. "Tea?" You repeated quietly with a sniffle, pausing for a moment to ponder on Snape's offer. "...Tea would be nice."

You hadn't expected to bump into your usually gloomy, rude colleague whilst having what you thought was going to be a private breakdown after learning that your partner had cheated on you with your best friend. Almost two years down the drain, just like that. Snape had accidentally walked in on you hunched over your desk, crying hopelessly. He was about to walk away when you'd heard a deep sigh, startling you. And here you were. Being offered tea by him.

"Let's go then." Snape said with a flat tone, looking away from your sad eyes, unable to withstand the pain that was gathering in his chest.

You were at least two or three cups of tea down when you'd finally explained everything to Snape. From the start of your relationship to the unexpected demise. It dug up old, painful memories, and you were crying again.

"What's wrong with me?" You sobbed, taking another sip of the tea that Snape had made you; hot tears soaking your cheeks and dripping into the cup. Another deep, frustrated sigh slipped from Snape again as he watched you from his desk with a sad frown upon his pale features. "I don't get it," you sniffled, gripping the handle of the tea cup with white knuckles, "did I do something wrong?"

No, you couldn't do anything wrong, Snape wanted to say. He wanted to tell you how wrong you were, and how perfectly good you truly were. But he knew you wouldn't listen, and so he kept quiet, only muttering in disagreement.

"I doubt that, Y/N." Snape mumbled, though you didn't give him much time to say anything else before you stumbled into a self-deprecating rant.

"Maybe I wasn't worth it, I mean, it's not like I'm anything... special," you laughed dryly, avoiding Snape's cold eyes, "maybe I'm just the girl that everyone dates before they find their true love. I'm the girl that they use to find the one, I don't have any good qualities, I'm a pushover, and-"

Snape inhaled sharply, "Stop it, Y/N!" He bellowed, slamming a hand down on the desk that the two of you were sat at. Instantly, you went silent, your mouth hanging open in shock as your heartbeat suddenly sped into an incredibly fast pace. You glanced up at Snape with wet and wide eyes, startled by his unusual outburst.

"Severus-"

"No, Y/N," he held up a hand, silencing you, "you're wrong about yourself. You are special." Snape sighed, moving his hand to massage his temples. You couldn't believe what was coming out of this man's mouth. "You're more than enough. Your ex was clearly a fool to do such a thing to you. In fact, I can't fathom why they would choose your friend over you." Snape said with a stern tone, clearly distressed. Your mouth still hung open as you stared at him, flabbergasted. "You're kind, sweet, considerate, and your heart is twice the size than it should be."

"I..." You uttered quietly, staring at Snape, evidently speechless. He shut his eyes momentarily, suddenly realising what he'd just said. Yet another deep sigh slipped from his heaving chest, rendering you silent.

"You..." Snape stumbled, avoiding your eyes. There was no way he could look at you right now. He'd just opened the floodgates on what he truly thought of you. He probably looks like a right blithering idiot.

The room went quiet, and the two of you sat there in what felt like a somewhat-comfortable silence, taking the moment to acknowledge what had just happened.

You stared at the man opposite you, a sudden and unusual warmth blooming in your chest. For the first time since you'd met him, you took the opportunity to truly look at him. Snape's black eyes glittered in the low, soft amber light from his candles as he reluctantly glanced up at you, pressing his lips into an awkward thin and flat line. His shoulders rose a tad, tensing as he inhaled, and he shifted his gaze to the desk again. Clearly, he was unsure on how to navigate this current moment.

A tiny smile picked at the corners of your lips as you looked at him. "Thank you." You whispered, glancing down at his splayed out hands. Taking a chance, you reached out your own hand and placed it atop of one of his, feeling it flinch. Snape's eyes darted up to yours, and he returned your smile, though it seemed a little awkward.

Snape didn't say anything to you, he only nodded gently before pulling his hand back to himself after a few long moments, clearing his throat.

"Well, since you've stopped crying," he began, sitting up straight in his chair, "we can assume I've done a good job." A little chuckle escaped you, and it caused a loose, genuine smile to erupt on Snape's face. You noticed it, but chose not to say anything, instead silently admiring how well it suited him.

"Now I know who to come to when I'm sad." You joked lightly, and as quickly as the smile had arrived on his lips, it disappeared. You laughed, feeling a tad lighter. Though the awful situation still sat within you like a dead weight, waiting to be dealt with, it felt good to smile and laugh, especially with a man you thought to be devoid of such emotions.

"I don't think-"

"Thanks, Severus." You cut him off with a bright smile, making his heart flutter. Perhaps he would wander past your classroom a little more often than before.

Masterpost

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM A COURT OF THORNS AND ROSES *  assorted dialogue from the novel, adjust as necessary

don't feel bad for one moment about doing what brings you joy.

be glad of your human heart.

has anyone ever taken care of you?

i heard you scream.

i figured that would get you to stop crying.

stop? don't pretend you care, human.

what is that bruise?

before you start yelling...

do you lie awake at night to come up with all your witty replies for the following day?

i'm tired and lonely, and you're the only person i can talk to without putting myself at risk.

you can leave if you're just going to insult me.

i would have been gentle with you, though.

pity those who don't feel anything at all.

when i kill, i do it slow.

killing is easier in pants.

i didn't want to consider what the punishment might have been.

we're too powerful, too bored with immortality, to be checked by anything else.

i wanted you everywhere. i was drowning in that need.

i don't particularly enjoy losing, so i took it upon myself to become good at them.

what's it doing?

why are you telling me this?

i don't think it's absurd at all.

remember the last time you ignored my warning?

fear no evil.

would you like me to grovel with gratitude for bringing me here?

i might die of surprise. you made a joke, [name].

your hair is... clean.

when the legends get written, i don't want to be remembered for standing on the sidelines.

look how you're trying not to cry out in terror.

i didn't want you to fight alone. or die alone.

you don't hold on to power by being everyone's friend.

each of us has a beast roaming beneath our skin, roaring to get out.

against slavery, against tyranny, i would gladly go to my death, no matter whose freedom i was defending.

i love you. thorns and all.

for someone with a heart of stone, yours is certainly soft these days.

we need hope, or else we cannot endure.

i threw myself into that fire, threw myself into it, into him, and let myself burn.

you look... better than before.

it's a rare day indeed when someone thanks you for bringing them to their death.

if i offer you the moon on a string, will you give me a kiss too?

you humans are truly grateful creatures, aren't you.

well... goodbye for now.

you didn't ask.

the answer to the riddle is love.

you don't look half as bad now.

everything i love has always had a tendency to be taken from me.

i wouldn't want to die alone.

you didn't need to bargain with me.

how am i to blame?

the tunic isn't as pretty as a dress.

what have you done to me?

do you ever stop being so serious and dull?

make it go away.

i'd prefer not to wear that dress.

do you ever stop being such a prick?

i would have taken a very, very long time.

i'd want someone to hold my hand until the end, and awhile after that.

you didn't tell me this would happen.

your human joy fascinates me - the way you experience things in your life span, so wildly and deeply and all at once is... entrancing.

i'm drawn to it, even though i shouldn't be, even when i try not to be.

there was nothing that could slow me down.

i don't know why i feel so tremendously ashamed of myself for leaving them.

all those years... what i did for them... and they didn't try to stop you from taking me.

you might have gotten away with it.

i came to claim the one i love.

i hadn't thought of it as a weakness until now.

[aceing-on-the-cake]

Compulsory Heterosexuality Info Dump

So because a friend of mine didn't know what comp het was and their internet history is monitored by their parents so they can't just use google, I'm doing a very quick research dive and giving you guys the results in case there are others out there who are in the same situation. I'll also be tagging blogs bigger than me because again, there might be fellow queers out their who are in the same boat as my friend and I want them to have access to this information.

So what is compulsory heterosexuality (or comp het)?

Comp het is in essence the societal belief and enforcement of being straight.

What does this mean?

In basic form it means that the only options presented to everyone, from the moment of birth, is that of a cis, amatonormative, heterosexual lifestyle.

You are given two gender options, these gender options determine the two roles you're allowed to fulfill, husband and wife, and you are told that these two roles are what will make you happy and are what you are supposed to strive for.

Meaning society, if you are born AFAB, tells you you're going to one day get married, it's going to be a boy, and this is what will make you happy. Almost everything in life is then seen through this lens. How attractive your are, how you are supposed to talk, how you're supposed to behave, etc is all considered through the lens of if a man will be attracted to you.

On the flip side, if you are born AMAB society tells you there are roles you have to fulfill as well. You are told you will one day want a wife, that you have to be able to have a job to provide for her, that you have to behave in a certain emotional way to be strong for her, that if the things you like are too feminine well then you're gay or a girl which is a problem because at the end of the day you're supposed to want the girl-fiance-wife.

This literally just sounds like the patriarchy.

Yes, it does, because it's caused by it. Nowadays people commonly know about compulsory heterosexuality from the Lesbian Masterdoc, but the term actually originated by Adrienne Rich in 1980.

Adrienne Rich in her article Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence put forward three ideas, 1) that heterosexuality and lesbianism were institutions themselves/possible political ideologies, 2) that heterosexuality as a system if not constantly maintained and upheld would eventually crumble and 3) that heterosexuality as a system could be opted out of and actively fought against whether or not you were actually attracted to women/non-women.

This is very different from the way we currently think of and define those terms, I am aware of that, but her point does still stand to some degrees that comp het, cisnormativity and amatonormativity all crumble when we stop rigidly enforcing the structures that uphold them, i.e., the patriarchy, misogyny, classism, and racism.

Ok but like what does that actually look like?

It can look like a lot of things, for a lot of different people. In the Lesbian Masterdoc you see comp het presented from a straightforward lesbian lens (of a 19 year old figuring out and defining their own sexuality guys, I'm not gonna sit here and critique it and rip it to death, go do that somewhere else).

This is therefore presented through things like women/non-women who were raised/socialized as women possibly having crushes on men, but they're always unattainable in some way (celebrities, fictional, someone real but they wouldn't actually ever be able to truly be in a relationship with, etc). It might also show up for lesbians as liking the idea of a man but being uncomfortable when one actually wants to move forward in the process. Or even sometimes it might show up as sexual fantasies with men but they're faceless, they're more an idea, or you're actually viewing another woman sleeping with him.

This presentation of comp het has made a lot of bi/pan/mspec people uncomfortable because they feel they too have experiencing comp het and when reading the Lesbian Masterdoc it's presented as if experiencing this is a straight shot towards being a lesbian.

And they're right that comp het isn't experienced by just lesbians. For mspecs who present feminine/as women this could be in the feeling that they have to dress a certain way to be presentable, but presentable is based on appealing to men. This can mean something as simple as women are expected to wear makeup, always, regardless of if they're looking to seek men's attention or not, because that's the base standard.

For mspecs who present masculine this can look like the inability to express themselves in an overly emotional manner because that doesn't make them "strong" and if they're not "strong" then they won't attract women, and that's what they're supposed to be doing.

For mspecs in general that can look like their queer looking relationships to be seen as a phase even if their mspec-ness is respected because of course they're eventually going to get married to a man/woman.

This can affect polyamorous cishet people in that they're seen as doing heterosexuality wrong because you're supposed to have the one partner and the 2.5 kids.

This can affect aspecs because they're told they'll never truly feel fulfilled if they don't have that boyfriend/girlfriend/partner to love them in a way that's so special nothing else could match up.

This affects all of us guys is my point.

How is this helpful to me?

Well for sapphics and lesbians (or sapphics/mspecs confused on if they are actually lesbians) this can be a helpful concept to consider because it can help you determine what relationships you truly want to pursue, which is the main point I feel is to be gained from the Lesbian Masterdoc. As she's put it "it's way more important to ask yourself if you can be truthfully happy with a man than if you’re attracted to them"

So if you're a sapphic who experiences attraction to men but you honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider the idea of comp het.

If you're Achillean the opposite of this can be true, if you've been attracted to women before but honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider whether comp het is working on you.

For mspecs this can be a helpful term to throw over the table back at your parents when they ask when you're going to get a "real relationship".

This can be a helpful term to consider when asking "am I forcing myself to wear mascara because I feel this is the only way I look presentable or do I actually like mascara."

Or it can be a helpful concept to look back on when undermining our internalized ideals of misogyny, towards ourselves and others.

This is a helpful term to put in our tool boxes to talk about the harm the systems of patriarchy, classism, and racism impose upon us.

Comp het can help us to understand why so many people look down on polyamory as a legitimate way of life.

It can be a helpful term for aspecs who are trying to figure out if they really want to date/have sex, or if they just believe these are the only things that will make you happy.

In general

Compulsory heterosexuality is just another term to describe a system we are all intimately familiar with. But by giving us the words to describe our experiences, it gives us the power to communicate those experiences more effectively, and to possibly understand why we're experiencing them.

This is just a bare basic knowledge post.

Honestly if you have the ability to, as in your internet history is not monitored in the way my friend's is, I encourage you to go on the deep dive through the sources listed below. Many of them are honestly only 30 pages long, that's a relatively short read, and understanding queer theory like this not only helps you to understand your own identity, but the ways in which you are connected to the rest of the fellow queer community.

Sources

Lesbian Masterdoc

Queer Theory 101: Compulsory Heterosexuality

Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence

Normativities Defined

Taglist

I'm tagging blogs bigger than me so that this has an easier time getting passed around as I mainly talk about aspec issues because I am aspec, but as stated above, I wanted to make sure that queer people who's internet histories are monitored and are only able to find information through tumblr safely could do so.

@our-queer-experience @our-sapphic-experience @our-lesbian-experience @our-aspec-experience @our-polyamorous-experience @our-pansexual-experience @our-unlabelled-experience @our-aroace-experience @our-mspec-experience @our-questioning-experience @our-bisexual-experience

[damianbugs]

What you mean by" willis todds love for jason is the reason bruce failed him" ?

Sorry ive seen your post and I agree with everything but this just kinda suprise me, not hating, just curiuos

HELLO! so this is a take that is based on pre-new 52 todds, before they were simplified to the one dimensional (and classist) personalities they're known for now. neither of them were shown to be abusive or willfully negligent, but rather found themselves in bad situations out of their control and died, leaving jason to fend for himself.

in the most simplest way what i mean is willis todds self sacrificing actions of turning to crime in order to provide for jason and catherine is the key defining part of jasons life and why he views bruce's love for him as 'not enough'.

(of course, the actual proof of this is like. one single panel and its not even said by jason. however i think it is something that can be found in jasons character through other, less obvious situations.)

in jasons initial (public) return to gotham and that long and convoluted plan to mess around with batman psychology to get the two of them and the joker in the same place, it all seems like a well planned out revenge story until the final conversation:

Batman: Under the Red Hood

it always stood out to me, not just because of how absolutely heart wrenching the entire moment is (definitely read utrh if you haven't, at least once), but because it really gives you an insight into what love and loving someone means to jason.

to him it's an all encompassing responsibility. this idea that love is something that you need to be able to prove by the quantitive value of what you'll sacrifice for it. in this case, jason is saying i love you" in the way he truly believes gets across how much he means it; i would kill the person who hurt you.

whenever i read this part of utrh, another situation immediately pops into my mind. and that's when jason found out two-face had killed willis todd.

Batman #411

upon finding out two-face had killed willis, jason goes on a brief grief filled rampage, swearing he'll kill him for what he did. it's important to note that up until now, jason had assumed willis was still in prison, only to find out he was actually murdered.

again, it's this idea that love is the extremes you'll go to for family. jason was well aware of willis' less than legal means to make money, and even bruce makes a mention of it in.

Batman: A death in the family

i imagine, like a lot of what fuels jason to fight crime now, guilt is a major deciding factor in a lot of his choices. it's this guilt that he feels upon hearing about willis' death that makes him take it out on two-face. it's even guilt that plays a huge factor even in new 52 stories (such as Cheer).

so when he returns to gotham, or even before that, just hearing about what bruce had done following his death (locking the joker up instead of killing him, taking in tim as his robin) were, to him, clear evidence that he did not love jason in any way that mattered. that bruce did not love jason as much as jason loved him.

because loving him means giving up your morals. loving him means sacrificing your health and your time and your safety.

but bruce didn't do any of that in a way jason could see.

i imagine to someone like jason, who lost every parental figure in some capacity, whether it be to illness or crime or something else entirely, the evident disregard for him was as painful as any rejection could have been.

a lot of how jason feels and acts can be seen in much more interesting ways if we all look at him for he is; an unreliable narrator. he is missing huge chunks of story, especially when it comes to bruce, and has no choice but to act irrationally on the little truth he does know.

of course we the readers, and some other characters, know just how hard jasons death was for bruce. how destructively he mourned for his son.

but again, the surface level proof of it is not enough for jason, who's entire life has been love through sacrifice. but now, it's a sacrifice bruce can not ever give him.

Batman: Under the Red Hood

[ultralightpoe]

Full House lll - Eddie Munson

Authors Note: Omg. Me? Staying on schedule? Never.

Word Count: 10112

Warnings: None? Idk.

Part One HERE and Part Two HERE

(Thank you for the gif @psychecreations )

Enjoy!

“When’s the first doctors appointment?” Nancy asks, walking up to where you were currently standing at your jobs wait station. You jump, dropping the order pad you had been scribbling in as you turn to find her leaning on the wall. 

“What? Why are you here?” 

“I was craving chicken and didn’t want to hear Steves kfc imitation. So we decided to come here.” She smiles, rubbing her stomach ever so slightly. “Plus it meant I got to check on you.” 

“Oh I’m fine.” You lie, forcing a smile on your face as she narrows her eyes. 

It’s been 4 days since the Christmas fiasco, and 4 days since you realized Eddie was leaving. You tried to pick yourself back up the day of Christmas but ended up telling everyone that you were really sick and should shut the party down early. They had all gone to Steves and you were truly embarrassed to think of what they might have been saying about you. 

God, did you have to ruin everything you touched? 

“You never answered my question.” 

“Oh? I was just sick. It’s not a serious bug or anything. I just didn’t want to get you guys sick on Christmas. That would have been bad” you lie again, feeling a coiling feeling in your gut. “Why don’t you go sit?” 

“Y/n, girl I love you. But you’re showing.” 

“Am not.” 

“Are too. Especially in this waitressing uniform.” It was true. Normally the old school 70s uniform fit you like a glove, falling just to your thighs and it made tips so much easier. Right now? It was on the tighter side…… which made tips even easier because your boobs looked great but you felt terrible about everything. 

“Does he know?” Nancy asks, and you have to stop yourself from telling her or shove off. After a moment of silence she seems to take that for an answer. “Y/n….. Eddie needs to know.” 

“Why? So I can trap someone else?” You laugh bitterly. “That poor guy has already put up with enough of my shit. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go grab tables.” 

You walk past her, not giving her a chance to argue as you completely avoid looking to their tables direction and move to your own section of the floor to greet a new table. 

Pam, one of your favorite regulars, sees you and greets you with a smile. “You never work Friday nights!” 

You always spent Friday nights with Eddie and the girls for movie night. But Eddie ran and you needed to make rent so tonight Max was watching them. 

“Starting now I will be. You want your usual babe?” 

“You know it!.” She giggles. 

-

Steve tried saying bye before they left and you pretended you didn’t see him as you took orders, by the end of the night your feet were killing you and you all but limped inside to where Max was sitting at the table doing college homework with her headphones on. 

Either she didn’t have them loud or she was on edge, your guess being a bit of both, she knows you're there and turns to you when you enter the kitchen. 

“Thank you so much Max.” You mumble, pulling out the tip money you had set aside for her. “I’m sorry I ran late.” 

“No need to pay.” She smiles, pushing the money away. “I like spending time with them.” 

That tight feeling in your stomach is back, digging in as you stare at the redhead. She had been part of the reason you chose Hawkins, Billy had (in one of his rare good moments) described the way Max seemed to blend in and find a home here. He told you about the friends she made and how she managed to grow into a brave person and you wanted that for your own. So, assuming she was gone, you moved out here. Little did you know you find her soon enough along with an entire group of people connected to your ex. 

You had always been told max was dead. 

Max had always been told Billy was dead. 

You didn’t know how she figured you out until Eddie told you about VECNA and Lucas told you about his girlfriends sight for things. 

“I…. I saw the tickets.” She admits, blush traveling her cheeks as you move to make a cup of tea. The cupboard was still broken and you couldn’t bear to look at it. 

“What tickets?” 

“You left your folder out on the table. I saw that you were figuring out where to go.” Max admits and you can’t help but tense. 

“I just….. I don’t want the girls being surrounded by…..” 

“Billy?” 

“Yes…..” you admit, still keeping your back to her as you boil water. “And Eddie. I just don’t want them knowing that he left them. They adore him too much.” 

Coward. Coward. COWARD. 

“I’m not a mom, but I can get your urge to protect them.” Max mumbles. “But what if they end up hating you for taking them away.” 

“Then they have someone to blame. I’d rather them blame me than themselves. It is my fault anyways.” You admit, tears springing into your eyes. “Anyways. Take the money, go have fun.” 

“Do you need me again this week? I saw that you work on New Year’s Eve.” 

“No. You should be going out with your friends.” 

“The boys have a start of the year campaign and El is taking a trip with Hopper. I’m free.” She laughs, trying to break the tension built up. “I’ll be here at 2.” 

You can’t get the words thank you out because of how tight your throat is, so you just mouth them as she grabs the money and passes. 

-

Steve could not stop laughing when he saw Eddie’s face the day he brought the car into the shop, leaning over on his knees to catch his breath as he wheezed out. 

Dylan, the other mechanic, kept looking over to watch the scene unfold as Eddie tried to focus on his friends car. 

“Harrington.” 

“Dude I know- it’s just that your face is so purp-hahaha.” Another fit of laughter and Eddie is debating throwing his drill at him. He was in no shape to be dealing with him today. 

Truth was Eddie had barely gotten a wink of sleep, he couldn’t manage to. Not used to not having you beside him, or not having the girls night light and soft lullabies. It had been 5 days since he saw you and he was beginning to lose his mind and resolve. 

Almost every night he nearly talked himself into going back, then he remembered Motleys broken cries as they carted him off and the way she clung to your hip. The way she screamed for her dad as Eddie attacked him. 

Monster monster monster. 

“Gotta give it to Hargrove. He knows how to punch.” 

“Yeah well, hope he had his fun.” Eddie snaps, leaning back to make sure he adjusted the part correctly. 

“Did you get him back?” 

“I got a few licks in.” Eddie mumbles, feeling guilty about the pride that washes over him as he remembers the way he beat Billy's face in. That was motleys dad. As much as he enjoyed hitting him he probably just scarred the Metalhead for life. 

“Oh a few licks.” Steve scoffs, moving to take a seat on the stool at Eddie’s workstation. “I know how strong you are Munson. You got more than a few licks in.” 

“I shouldn’t have.” 

“Why the hell not?” 

“Because Motley was right there! She’s gonna hate me forever.” Eddie scoffs. 

“Oh you mean more than they already do?” This pulls Eddie’s attention, he had been doing so good about not asking but he was dying to know. What had they said? Were they happy he’s gone? Mad that he fought Billy? 

“What’d they say?” 

“Not much of anything. Nancy knows something is up but your girl is keeping her lips sealed pretty well. I didn’t even know about your fight with jackass until I saw your face.” 

“But you said they were mad.” 

“Yeah man, you missed Christmas and just dipped. Leaves a bad impression.” 

“Oh whatever. They are better off, I just ruin everything.” 

“Oh. My. God.” Steve gasps, looking at Eddie like he’s figured everything out. “You’re self sabotaging!” 

“What?!”

“Yeah! You think you’re the bad guy and so you’re trying to run away which is just making you even more of a bad guy which means my wife can stop threatening to shave your head.” 

“I….. no man you don’t get it.” 

“I do get it. I get it more than anyone else and let me be the first to tell you that you’re being a massive idiot.” He sighs, standing up. “Motley was waiting by that window to spot you that entire day.” 

“S……she was?” 

“Yeah Munson. She was.” 

“I just….. I don’t want to be the one holding them back. I don’t want her to hate me.” 

“Did you ever think that maybe Motley chose you? Like you chose Wayne?” Steve asks, watching Eddie deflate before his eyes before turning to the car. “I’m not paying by the way. Consider my advice enough.” 

“Ass.” 

- 

Eddie spends the day of New Year’s Eve by the phone, fighting the urge to call. 

What would he say? How would he explain? 

No. Don’t call. This is for the better. 

Yes. Call. Just pick the phone just for the chance to hear your voice. 

God damn when did life get so complicated?

“What are you doing?” Wayne asks, watching eddie from his spot on the couch. “Quit wearing down my carpet.” 

The carpet has been worn down since Eddie had moved in, but he chooses not to comment instead he sits by the phone, keeping his pinky on the handle of the plastic and glaring at it. 

“You expecting a call?” 

“No.” Eddie groans, rubbing his chest to try and relieve some of the pain built up. God he missed you guys. “Fuck. I’m gonna go smoke.” 

He rushes to the back porch before Wayne could argue, hearing the old man laugh as he slams the door. 

There is a dog out there when he exits, chewing on a stick found from the trees and sitting right by the fence. Upon looking a little closer he sees that the dog actually seems caught under the fence, like he was trying to sneak in. 

“Jesus.” He murmurs, keeping the joint between his lips as he walks up, socked feet stepping on sticks and stones making him grunt out and try walking on his tippy toes. 

He looks back with a smile, expecting a giggle from one of the girls at his weird walk before he realizes he’s alone. Shit. 

The dog is panting patiently when Eddie comes up, and the man reaches a hand to let him sniff before moving to help. The dog chooses to kiss at his arm, tongue lapping at the skin as Eddie lifts the fence to try and help free him. 

“Why you sneaking in pal?” He grunts, bending the fence. “You hungry?” 

Within moments the dog is out, jumping up and kissing at his face for being rescued. “God. Motley would love you.” 

-

“Shhhhh Ziggy.” Motley whispers to her baby sister, pulling her closer to the corner. The way daddy eddie set up her room was perfect. 

He had put her bed in the center which left a small corner by her nightstand hidden from the door. 

Over the past week she had looked for Daddy Eddie’s number, finding it sprawled under the label emergency numbers where he had written it under Wayne. 

It was so weird that Daddy Eddie called his dad Uncle Wayne. Adults were so confusing. 

Before you had left for your shift that night you made sure to wish Motley a happy new year and made her promise to behave. Little did you know that she had crossed her fingers behind her back. 

The second you were gone she dashed to grab the closest phone, pulling it into her room and hiding it as Max struggled to cook nuggets for dinner. 

Later that night when Auntie Max was reading on the couch Motley tiptoed to Ziggys room before sneaking her sister out of her crib and tip toeing back as Ziggy giggles happily. 

“Sissy…” She giggles, pulling at Motleys cheeks happily. “Zigsy.” 

“No your Ziggy silly. I’m motley.” She corrects as she shuffles with her sister in an awkward half hold half walk carry until they are in the corner. “Okay Ziggy. Sissy needs your help. You remember the plan?” 

“Zigzy!” 

“Oh boy…..”

-

The phone rings late, and Eddie sits up in the couch to lean his upper body to answer it, stressed and annoyed. 

The stray dog lifts their head, huffing at being woken up and tilting to hear, one ear shooting up. “Easy Zeppelin.” 

The dog barks, and Eddie likes to think he enjoyed the name as he picks the phone up. “Munson residence.” 

God it felt weird saying that again.

“DADDY!” Motley whispers, sounding scared. Eddie is instantly up, standing on his feet and swiping at his face to wake up a little more. 

“Motley? What’s wrong baby?”

“Someone’s trying to get in daddy.” 

“Get in where? Where are you?” He’s already reaching for his keys, heart beating through his ears as his hands shake. 

“We’re at home.” She whines. 

“Where’s mommy?” 

“At work!” Fuck. “Okay. Okay. Just hide. Just like daddy told you, remember? If anything happens, hide. You know where Ziggy is?” 

“She’s with me.” 

“Good girl. Get under your bed or in your closet. I’ll be right there.” He mumbles, calling out to Wayne to grab the phone before booking it out of the trailer. 

He gives no time for the van to warm up, tearing out of the trailer park so quickly he’s sure he hit someone’s patio chair, mumbling under his breath a panicked “fuckfuckfuck” 

-

The van is uneven as Eddie pulls in quickly, shifting gears to park so hard it makes a grinding sound before he is swinging the door open and tearing out. His feet hit the gravel before the grass as he rushes to the front door, using his shoulder to shove it open harshly. 

A scream tears out in to the air at his entrance before a book is thrown at him which makes him yell out at whoever is in the house. 

“EDDIE?!” 

“MAXINE?!” He snaps, blinking at her. “What the fuck you doing?” 

“What am I doing?! What are you doing?! You physco!”

“Motley said that someone was trying to break in!” 

“I put Motley to bed an hour ago.” Max grunts, confusion lacing her features. 

“You’re babysitting?” 

“Obviously.” 

“But her car is in the front.”  Eddie felt like he was going crazy. “And since when does she work nights?!” 

“Her car wouldn’t start so she took the bus today.” Max sighs, rolling her eyes. “And she needs extra cash. Probably for the plane tickets to get out of here.”

“Tickets out of….” Before Eddie can process her words any further there is a small pair of eyes looking around the corner drawing his attention. 

Ziggy moves quickly, coming around the corner with a very excited giggle, walking to him as fast as her little feet would allow. “Da-Ed-ay!”

“Hey there baby girl.” He smiles, picking her up and swooping her into his arms to kiss all over her face. It was odd, just how much he missed this and it seemed like she had gotten so much bigger in the 4 days he missed. 

“I swear to god I put her to bed. How did she get out of her crib?!” Max glares, right as the culprit behind it all comes rushing out to run at Eddie. 

“I knew you’d come! I knew it daddy!” She giggles, running at him and throwing her arms around him tightly. “You came back!” 

“Motley?” He starts, brain beginning to process what she was saying. “Did you…. Lie to get me here?” 

“I did!” She smiles, peering up at him with big doe eyes. “I lied daddy! And now you’re here and you can take all my Barbie’s!” 

“If you know lying is bad and you’ll get punished, why did you do it?” He asks, pulling her off before squatting to her level. “Metal head, that was very dangerous-“ 

A gust of air leaves him as her arms wrap around his neck tightly, tears springing from her eyes. “I don’t want you to be mad at me anymore.” 

“Motley I’m not mad, that was just dangerous and it scare-“ 

“No! About Billy. I’m sorry daddy.” His heart plummets, his brain racking to figure out what she was talking about. Why was she sorry? 

“No. No I’m sorry.” He sighs, turning to see Max staring at them intently. “Hey max. Think you can take Ziggy for a moment?” 

“Sure thing mop head.” The redhead scoops Ziggy up causing the young toddler to scream and kick, reaching chubby fingers out for Eddie. As much as he wanted to take her back he had to focus on Motley. 

“Come sit.” He nods his head, leading her to the kitchen table sitting in the chair beside hers and angling it so they were facing. “Listen….. Daddy ha- Well I have been feeling really bad about Christmas Eve. I never meant to do that, or to attack your dad in front of you.” 

“But-“ 

“I owe you a big apology for that Motley. And I don’t know what you’re feeling sorry about, pretty girl, but it’s not your fault and you have no reason to be sorry.” He murmurs, swiping the tears that fall from her cheek. “You have done nothing wrong.” 

“I told Billy he couldn’t come for Christmas Daddy!” She blurts, her tears hit against his thumb as he keeps swiping her cheek. “I’m sorry!” 

“No no no. You don’t be sorry.” He moves to pick her up, sitting her on his lap with her face pressed into his chest as he rubs his palm over her hair to try and soothe her. “Let’s just take a deep breath, okay? Then you can tell me what happened.” 

There’s something coiling in his gut at her tears. Pain, anger, sadness. He truly could not tell, but he kept her close and rocked her back and forth to let her cry. When she finally calmed down enough to talk she started telling him. 

“He was really mean daddy. And he kept t-telling me that y-you we’re gonna replace me-“ her body racks with sobs again. “He said you didn’t want me. A-and I was upset! But he w-was mean to you-“ 

“Easy.” He whispers, wiping her cheek once more. “You gotta breathe pretty girl.” 

“He was m-mean. Said mean things about you daddy and mean things ab- I’m sorry! I-“ her sobbing gets worse and Eddie shushes her, choosing to rock her back and forth and keep her in his tight embrace. “And you w-were ma-you were madatme.” 

“No no. I was never mad.” He sighs. “Daddy was never mad at you.” 

“You were.” 

“No, I was just scared. I…. Daddy didn’t want you hating him.” Eddie explains. “I just wanted to give you space. Having 2 dads is confusing. I didn’t want to make it worse.” 

“He hit you.” 

“Did he ever hit you motley?” Eddie asks sternly, squeezing her a bit in comfort. 

“He spanked me.” That feeling in his stomach settled on rage. 

“That’s not fair. And you shouldn’t have had to go through that.” 

“Please don’t leave again.”  As much as he wanted to promise her that he wouldn't, that wasn’t a promise he could make. You probably hated him, and he would have to talk this out with you first. 

“Let’s get you to bed yeah? Daddy will tuck you in.” 

“I want mama.” 

“Well she’s at work.” He mumbles against her hair. 

“Can we go get milkshakes?” 

“I don’t know…..” it was almost 10. Then again it was New Year’s Eve and he didn’t want you taking the bus home so this would give him an excuse to go pick you up. “Only if they have chocolate.” 

“You already know they have chocolate!” She giggles, and he can’t stop the way his heart seems to light up. 

-

It was a busy night, and the smell of the jalapeno nachos all your tables were ordering was making you nauseated and angry. You wanted to throw up, maybe cry, maybe throw up then cry. 

Apparently a town next to Hawkins lost power so a bunch of people were driving to this place to have a good new years which meant you were going to be stuck here forever. You found yourself stressing about the bus’ schedule as you dashed to run food. 

This is what you had been doing when you spotted him. Running a tray of jalapeño nachos to your table, keeping it a safe distance from your nose as you thought about the fact that you might have to walk, and there he was. 

Standing in the doorway, leather jacket and wide eyes, as you caught him looking for you. And he was holding Ziggy. 

What the fuck Maxine?! 

“Y/n get a move on!” Your manager calls and you snap out of it, moving to deliver the tray as the host seats Eddie. 

You hear Motley call out “mommy!” And instantly knew that they would now be sat in your section. Did it make you a bad mother if you admitted you would rather die than face him tonight? 

“Mama!” Your daughter calls, making you look over as she slides in, Eddie sitting right next to her and then you are forced to confront this. You should have learned about birth control. Better yet maybe you should have practiced the art of condoms more.  

Thinking of all the ways you could have prevented this situation as you gaze at your daughters adorable smiling face. God she was beautiful….. still should have used a condom. 

“What a surprise. I could have sworn I left you guys with Max.” You try to smile, avoiding looking at Eddie as Ziggy reaches for you. You grab her gently, bouncing her on your hip and she starts playing with your hair clip. 

“I got daddy!” Motley admits proudly, pointing to Eddie which makes you look at him. Your heart thumping against your chest, adrenaline rushing through you as he stares at you with those god damn brown eyes. 

“Munson.” You greet, turning back to Motley. “Girls, stay in the booth for a moment. Okay? I’m gonna talk to him outside.” 

You walk off after that, leaving Eddie no choice but to follow as he jumps up and runs to catch up. The winter hair hits you, and you immediately wrap your arms around yourself to keep some of the warmth, the crappy waitress outfit doing nothing for you. 

The second you hear your name fall from his lips you whirl, slapping him in the chest to push him back. “What the fuck is the matter with you munson?!” 

“I…. Give me a moment to explain, please.” 

“Explain?! EXPLAIN?!” A bitter laugh splits from your lips. “Look. I get it. My life was a bit too messy and fucked up, I’d run too. But you bringing the girls here is just making it worse. You’re going to get their hopes and it’s gonna crush them.” 

“Too messy? Who said anything about it being too messy?” 

“WHY ELSE WOULD YOU RUN?!” Your voice raises louder than you thought it would, but you don’t back down. “And I don’t appreciate you talking to my daughters without me. Now I gotta tell them-“ 

The words ‘my daughters’ sound wrong, and you can’t fight the disgust that coats you as you trail off, eyes widening as he stares back at you with a set jaw. “I just mean….. I get why you left okay? My life is chaos and you were really nice for staying and pretending like it was fine. But those girls…. They can’t know you left cause of that. I was hoping, as shitty as it sounds, that after a couple years they’d forget. Y’know?” 

You are swiping at your cheeks as tears stream down your face, trying not to look at him. You catch him moving up, his hands outstretched, but you move backwards so he can’t grab you. “Eds. Y-you should just go. Okay? It’ll be fine.” 

“No it won’t-“ 

“It will. I’ll be fine. I won’t be mad-“ then his arms are around you, pulling you in quickly as he shoves your head into his chest and you get to inhale his scent once more. Doing your best not to outright sob. 

“I was the mess.” He blurts. “I was scared, okay? I was scared that Billy was gonna turn everyone against me, and I was scared that I ruined Motleys Christmas.” 

You scoff, trying to pull away, not really believing the excuse. Before you can fully move he wraps an arm around your waist, his other hand moving to your jaw to drag your eyes up to his own. “I was scared. I was a coward.” 

“But-“ 

“No buts. I didn’t leave cause I thought you were a mess, baby I think you’re perfect and your daughters are so fucking precious to me. I…. You really thought I was running cause I couldn’t handle it?” 

“I just-“ 

“Y/n!” Your boss calls from the door, looking exasperated. “You gettin sick again? Need to go? Or you wanna get paid so you can afford maternity leave?” 

You tense again under Eddie’s touch, stomach curling as you try and take a step back while Eddie’s brows knit in confusion before he turns to glare at your boss. “She’s sick.” 

“Fine. Take her home. Just have to transfer tables.” The man snaps, turning to walk back in before Eddie is whirling on you. 

“Am I crazy or did he just say maternity leave?” 

“Eddie….” You sigh, feeling saliva build up as you panic. He watches you, taking a step back just as you lean forward to puke. 

- 

The car ride is silent. Not the serene kind of quiet and more so the anxiety inducing type. 

You had no clue what to say to him at this point. Suddenly everything just seemed to….. silly. You’re reaction and his reaction. You should have just called. Why hadn’t you called? 

No, he should have called. 

You were being a decent person and giving him space and “mama?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I sleep with you and daddy tonight?” 

“Ya!” Ziggy yells, making Eddie chuckle under his breath as he leans to turn the heater in the car up. It had been forever since you had ridden in this van, since he deemed it unacceptable to drive the girls around in since it lacked seatbelts or a backseat. Even now everytime he braked he means a hand out to block the girls even with Ziggy in your lap. 

“I don’t know…” 

“Please! Please please.” 

“We will talk about it when we get home.” 

Only there was no talking about it, the second you got home with the girls Motley ran to throw away her to go milkshake cup then dashed to your bed quickly which turned into a screaming fit when you tried to tell her no. 

The word condom just kept circling your mind as you finally just told her to lay down, she did so and Ziggy soon made her appearance to crawl onto the bed. 

Eddie takes off his shoes. Moving to lay with the girls as you turn off one of the lights so the room was dark enough for them to fall asleep, and then you shuffle to the bathroom to shower before bed so you didn’t smell like grease and beer. 

It wasn’t even 10 minutes before you heard the door open and shut softly, you turn already knowing he is heading for the shower and watch as the curtain opens lightly. 

Normally he would jump right in like he belonged there which would make you laugh, tonight he had a questioning gaze, trying not to over step. You give him a small nod and then the curtain is pushed aside and he dives in, still in his shirt and jeans. 

“Edward-“ you warn before his lips are on yours in a searing kiss. He keeps one hand on your jaw to keep your lips connected as his other wraps around your back to keep you close as the water runs over both of you getting his clothes soaked. By the time you pull back he’s already working his way down your neck with kisses as you earn him again “clothes.” 

The hand holding your jaw moves to cover your mouth quickly as he peers at you, giving you a fake angry expression that has you laughing. “Do not wake our kids.” He whispers before stepping back to undress. 

The jeans take a moment to shuck off since they were wet but the second he is free Eddie dives for you again, showing up just how much he missed you. 

-

You sit with him on the floor of the kitchen by the fridge, using the light above the oven as your only source of light while you both snack, keeping cuddled together in nothing but your robes. 

Nothing has been said yet, and you were just fine with that, exhausted and happy that he was there. But he has to ruin it, of course he does. 

“I’m still sorry.” He murmurs, scraping the cream of one side of an Oreo using the empty side. 

“I am too. I think we’re both incredibly stupid right now.” 

“You’re telling me.” He blushes. “I just…. There was a time in my life when I hated Uncle Wayne. I had this image in my mind that he was trying to tear me away from my dad. Fuck I just wanted to be with my dad, I looked up to him whether he beat me or not and- the way I treated Wayne and the way I hated him….. my dad didn’t help, everytime I went back with him my mom and I just ended right back up at Wayne’s with more bruises than last time. And when she passed I was the only one there to inflict it. Wayne for him arrested and I swore my world was ending, swore I would never talk to Wayne again.” 

“You thought that was what was going on with Motley? That she felt like you were tearing her and her dad apart?” 

“Yes and no. I just was trying to prevent that from happening, I didn’t want her to have to experience that choice.” He whispers, picking at the robe. “I just wanted to protect her.” 

“She wanted to protect you too.” You whisper back. “That’s love.” 

“Billy told her that…. That I was gonna try and replace her.” He gulps, and you stop smiling instantly. “And now that you’re pregnant, and as happy as I am because I am so happy, I need to make sure she knows that I’m not trying to replace her.” 

“We’ll make it work.” You mumble, laying your head on his shoulder. “We always do” 

He hums out, laying his head on top of yours and sitting in the silence for a moment before you break it once more. “Where are your rings?” 

“Haven’t worn them since I got arrested.” He answers, holding up his bare hands. “My fingers were too bruised and swollen at first, then I just couldn’t care to put them on.” 

“Eddie?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Let’s go to bed..” 

“Give me five more minutes.” He whispers, turning his head to kiss your own, keeping his nose pressed into your hair. 

“Why?”

“I just…. I just want to be near you for a little longer.” 

- 

The sun peaks through the curtains, hitting Eddie right in the face which in return makes him groan out, moving the pillow around to try and block it. I’m his attempt to move Ziggy wiggles around, giving a displeased noise that her dad woke her up from sleeping before moving to lay right on his chest. 

Motley does not move an inch, mouth wide open and eyes sealed shut, Eddie has to reach a hand out to poke her and make sure she’s not dead. 

She wrinkles her nose, moving closer and shoving her face in your pillow, staying peacefully asleep. 

You’re sitting at the edge of the bed, and he can only blink at you trying to straighten his eyesight as he watches you zip up your work boots. (For some reason I imagine go go boots with the 70s look. I don’t know guys. I….. I have no clue). 

“You going to work?” He blurts, making you jump. 

“Sorry, yeah. Max will be here soon to watch the girls. We agreed on it last night before I left.” You mumble, moving to grab your apron. 

“I can watch em….” He whispers, staring at you. The way the sun from the window hits you makes you look angelic. 

“Okay.” You smile, moving to kiss Motley and Ziggys heads before you move to walk away. Fully offended Eddie snatches your hand and draws you back, annoyed at the shit eating grin on your face. 

“Baby,” he whines making you let out a small laugh and lean down to kiss his lips before rushing to leave. 

He lays with the girls for a little longer making sure the blanket is covering all three of them before the day truly has to start and he forces himself to get up. Setting Ziggy down without waking her up was a difficult task but he managed, shuffling to the bathroom to change into todays clothes, thankful that he no longer has to wear all the shit clothes he left at Wayne’s when he originally moved out. 

Upon exiting the bathroom he nearly trips over Motley, who had been sitting in front of the door. “What are you doing Metalhead?” 

“You took forever…” she whines, wrapping herself around his calf which makes him smile. “I wanna stay with you.” 

“Okay,” he answers, moving down to peel her off his leg and letting her climb up for a piggy back. “You’re gonna help me make breakfast then.” 

“Waffles?” 

“We’ll just have to wait and see.” He smirks, walking down the hall as the front door opens to reveal Max. 

“Hey. Sorry I’m late.” She rushes out, face red from running. “I woke up a little late and-“ 

“It’s no problem. I’m here if you had other things to do.” Eddie offers. “Or you can stay and have some breakfast?” 

“Sounds great. I’m kinda ignoring the rest of the group right now.” She explains, setting her bag down and following them into the kitchen. Eddie gets Max set up at the table, trying to set Motley with her but the girl wiggles and whines so he allows her to stay. 

He listens to Max rant about the group as he moves around to make waffles, enjoying the easy feeling he gets being here. God why did he ever leave home? 

“-And Lucas is just always set out to fight Erica. You’d think he had a crush on Dustin and wanted to date him. You know? I get it, your baby sister starts dating your closest friend. A little weird. But get over it!” 

“I think Uncle Dustin and Auntie Erica are so cute!” Motley adds which makes Eddie chuckle a bit. 

“Lucas is upset because he always thought they were in agreement that Erica was annoying.” He explains, bending down to set Motley down and bring the food to the table. “But it’s been months. Time to move on.” 

“Exactly!” Max sighs right as Ziggy comes pounding in with an angry look.

“Alone….” She whines and Eddie smiles at her. “Aweee did you wake up alone? My poor little baby.” He coos, picking her up and bringing her close to kiss before setting her on his lap to help her eat. He already knew she would not be into the high chair based on the way even Motley was clinging to him. 

Even now, as she used a spoon to shove waffles in her mouth, she kept a hand on his own arm to keep him close. 

“I’m gonna work on mamas car today.” He explains. “I’ll be right outside. So maybe you girls can stay in here and keep Max company.” 

“I wanna stay with you.” Motley whines, giving him puppy dog eyes. 

“No it’s too cold. You stay in here. Okay?” And then Eddie gave her his puppy dog eyes. Oh yeah, can’t beat dads game. 

She groans and looks at Max who smiles in return. “I’ve been practicing my barbie voices just for you.” 

“Fine! But barbie is married to G.I. Joe! Ken is the villain. We’re not arguing about it again.” 

“But isn’t it Barbie and Ken? Wouldn’t Joe be the villain?” 

“Maxine.” Motley warns, slamming her tiny hand on the table. 

“Fine. Got it.” 

-

It didn’t last long. 

Eddie had put on his mechanic suit, trying to keep warm as he took a look at what was going on with your car. 15 minutes in Motley came out wearing her snowsuit and smiling. “Look daddy! I can help!” 

“I thought I said to stay inside-“ a laugh breaks out when she takes off the hood of the snow suit to reveal that she tied a bandana over her head like a hat. “That’s not how you tie it. Come here.” 

He helps her tie it like his, telling her to sit a little closer to the grass as he keeps working, making sure the radio is on a station she would like as he does so. 

By the time you get home she is making snow angels in the snow of the lawn as he curses under his breath. 

“What’s going on?” You ask, making him jump and hit his head on the hood of your car. “Oh! I’m so sorr-“ 

“It’s good. I’m good.” He laughs, letting you fuss over him anyways. He takes his chance to kiss at you before you are pulling back. 

“You are covered in car nastiness-“ 

“You mean grease and oil?” He laughs, keeping you trapped in his arms to rub his cheek on your shoulder. You yell out playfully, still trying to escape as he does so. 

“Does this mean you guys are good?” Steve appears, dustin behind him. “Are you done being mad at me Y/n?”

“I was never mad at you!” Eddie keeps his arms around you as you turn to look at Steve, making sure Motley is good. 

“Yes you were. I waved at you the other night and you completely ignored me.” 

“I didn’t see you wave.” You reply and Eddie can’t help but laugh. 

“I called your name!”

“It was a busy restaurant, how am I supposed to hear everything.” You scoff, pulling from Eddie’s arms and flipping your hair. “Come on Motley. Let’s go inside.” 

“Just admit you saw me wave!” Steve groans, following you to the door before Motley turns to shove him and close the door in his face. “Rude!” 

“Steve, did you just get beat up by a kid?” Dustin laughs. 

“It’s Eddie’s kid. Does that count?” 

“My kids are great!” 

- 

Things took a moment to get back to normal, but that was to be expected. 

Eddie found the folder of all your research on places to go, running his fingers over the math you sprawled across the pages to figure out how you would afford it, he promptly threw it in the trash bins outside. 

Motley stayed glued to Eddie as much as she could, and in the mornings when he had to get up for work she made sure to wake him up and give him a kiss by the door making sure that he swore to come back before she would dash down the hall and lay with you. 

Makeup Christmas happened, except it was only Wayne that was invited and instead of a whole feast you guys ordered a crap ton of Chinese food. 

Wayne came over early, sneaking around the back and coming in through the back door which confused the girls to no end but they were excited to see their grandpa. 

Ziggy also proved that she learned 2 more words by saying “shit grandpa!” All excited and reaching her hands up for him to grab her. 

He howls with laughter, scooping her up and throwing her in the air as she screams in excitement. 

Everyone sits around the tree opening gifts, Wayne on the couch with Ziggy on his lap helping her open the gifts. Eddie sat by the tree, passing them out with Motley right by him and you next to her. 

He pulls out an envelope that has his name sprawled on it and looks at you. 

“I had a plan for Christmas. But I kind of had to redo it. I planned on giving you the stick, but figured since you already know I’d get the ultrasound.” Yoh blush, watching his excitedly tear it open. 

It’s quiet for a moment as everyone watches him admire the photo, smiling from ear to ear. 

“Anything you notice?” You ask, waiting. 

“What do you mean?” He asks, before Wayne snaps his fingers and grabs the photo gently. 

“There’s two.” Wayne grunts before his eyes light up. “You’re having twins!” 

“Obviously….” Eddie mumbles, “we already knew that?” 

“What?” 

“The stick? It had two blue lines? So that means we’re having twin boys? Right?” Eddie mumbles, staring at you like your crazy. 

It’s quiet for a moment as you and Wayne process what he said before you burst into laughter, the girls following even though they had no clue what was going on. 

“Not even close boy!” Wayne cackles as you have to wipe some of the tears from your eyes. 

“Does that mean you’re pregnant mommy?” Motley asks, turning to look at you with wide eyes. Your heart stops, going back to what Eddie had told you. 

“Yes. Mommy is pregnant .” You wait to see her reaction and Eddie finds himself reaching for the gift he had added two days ago. “Motty. I have something for you.” 

He snatches the tiny box, holding it out to her. “It’s a really important gift though. Okay?” 

She nods slowly, taking the box from him and opening it just as slow. Inside held a simple chain necklace, but when she pulled it out it revealed that he had hung his mothers ring on it, the one he normally wore on his right hand by itself. “I was told to give this ring to someone very special. It’s from my own mom.” 

She gasps, turning to him. “You’re giving it to me?!” 

“Well yeah! You’re my oldest kid. My firstborn.” He laughs, moving to help her put it on. Then he snatches another box and hands it to her. “This one is for both you and your sister.” 

She reaches for it and opens it gently, pulling out a heavy chain that has a dog tag connected to it. “Another necklace?” 

“Well…..” Wayne laughs, flipping it to reveal what the dog tag says. 

“Who is Zeppeplin?” 

“Zeppelin, baby.” You correct, already standing up. 

“Who is Zeppelin?” She giggles, which makes Eddie laugh, picking her up by her armpits to make her stand as you go and open the back door. 

The dog, a young little puppy at most, snaps his head to the noise and wags it’s tail excitedly upon seeing you. 

“Come in!” You smile and he bolts from his spot tearing up sticks to get inside. Once he hits the threshold of the house he is everywhere. Sniffing the fridge to the chairs, jumping on his hind legs to clean up the high chair where Ziggy left her banana. After inhaling that he bolts to explore more, completely missing the living room as he bolts down the hall to sniff all the rooms. 

Once Motley sees the flash of fur she screams in excitement, which draws the puppy back and they both just feed off each others excitement. 

She’s jumping up and down, screaming in excitement and the dog starts howling to match her while his butt starts wiggling at how hard he is wagging his tail. 

“I am so excited for Chinese later.” Wayne murmurs, coming to hug you as Eddie tries to calm both the noisemakers down. “Thank you for inviting me.” 

“Of course, you’re grandpa.” You smile, watching Ziggy from his arms just stare intently at the scene before her. “She can’t tell whether to be excited or scared.” 

Wayne laughs, pointing to the dog and trying to help Ziggy see him. 

Later that evening everyone sits around the table, Max with you all, as you pile Chinese food onto the plates. Motley keeps showing Max the necklace she got while Wayne keeps bragging to Eddie about his new Jean jacket. 

Zeppelin chooses to sit by Ziggy, and it’s very clear that the dog has already figured out who will drop the most food. Ziggy giggles every time she drops a piece of broccoli and he catches it. 

“Now we’re gonna have to watch her every time we give her veggies.” Eddie groans. “She’s got an accomplice!” 

“Zeppy and Ziggy!” Motley cheers like their superheroes. 

- 

February rolls around soon enough, and your daughters biggest catastrophe had nothing to do with the restraining order on Billy, or her dads new bike (which she was terrified of). No. Motleys world was ending over valentines cards. 

Eddie had helped her pick them out, little heart shaped cards that you could stick lollipops in, and had sat with her to write in them as you took Ziggy in for a haircut. 

The only one that Motley had not written a card for was Troy, and now the morning of Valentine’s Day she was still panicking. 

“I can’t write love cause then he will want to get married!” She explains and Eddie nods like it’s super serious. “And I can’t write like, because then he will know I have a crush on him!” 

“Glad you can admit it.” He nods and she rolls her eyes. “Here’s an idea! Okay, you ready metal head?” 

“Ready daddy!” 

“You can write ‘from Motley’.” He laughs, watching her face go serious. 

“That’s what I wrote on the others!” 

“Exactly.” He watches as she thinks about it before nodding quickly and writing it down, tossing it in her valentines box and dashing to grab her backpack. 

“She finally figure out Troys?” You ask, shuffling Ziggy in. “It’s been days.” 

“She did. We decided on writing ‘from motley’.” He smiles, leaning forward to kiss you before leaning down to kiss your stomach then Ziggy. 

“Stevie….” Ziggy giggles, running to the phone. It didn’t take long to figure out that she would be the one to run the phone bill up, even now she spent every morning learning to dial her uncle Steve’s number. She dialed Dustin once but deemed him “poopoo head.” 

���Nuh uh. Come eat pretty girl.” Eddie calls, pointing to her chair. “Zeppelin is waiting.” 

The dog, who just a month ago had been tiny enough to lay under her chair, now sat at full height beside it. Still a puppy, just bigger.  

Ziggy runs, her little pigtails bouncing as Eddie picks her up by the overalls to sit her in the chair. Now trained Ziggy eats his dog food beside her rather than everything she drops, and if somehow someway some of her waffle drops in his bowl then it can’t really be considered his fault. 

“Motley, hurry up baby.” You call. “We gotta go.” 

“You good to pick Wayne up?” Eddie asks, moving to grab his lunch. 

“Yes. I’ll drop Motley off at school and go and grab him.” Wayne had injured his hip, so today you’ll be taking him to the doctors to see what the plan was while Eddie went to work. 

“Okay. And Ziggy is still good to-?” 

“Ziggy and Zeppelin are going to Nancy’s, yes.” You smile. Nancy had just given birth to her third boy, and she liked having Ziggy over because she liked having another girl in the house. 

“Okay. Tell me how it goes?” He asks, leaning to give you one more goodbye kiss as you nod before moving to say bye to Motley. “BYE BEAUTIFUL LADIES!” 

The day had started off so well, you should have known it would only go downhill from there. 

Wayne sat in the passenger seat of your car, irritated and ranting about shitty doctors. “I’m not doing it. You hear me? Just give me some Tylenol and I’ll be fine.” 

“MOMMY!” Ziggy screams, from her spot on her car seat. 

The doctor had told Wayne he needed hip surgery and could not work, which meant that Wayne was pissed and you were panicking about what to do. He couldn’t work which meant he wouldn’t be able to make rent and he would need some help to move around. Then when you got to Steve and Nancy’s she had told you that Ziggy had taken quite a stumble off the table and scratched her chin on the corner of the table. 

It was a mess. 

Both of them were not having a good day and Zeppelin was howling at their ranting and screaming and as much as you loved them you truly debated crashing the car. 

Then you got home to yelling. 

Eddie stood in the living room, still in his work attire with his hands on his hips and his eyes wide. “You’re in rare fucking form today, you know that?!” 

The response to his question is met with a demonic scream from down the hall and you can only assume that Motley was having a bad time as well. 

“I’m not getting a surgery, you hear me Edward?” Wayne snaps, limping to the couch. 

“What the fuck are you on now?” He snaps back, looking at him annoyed as Ziggy rushes past crying. “What the fuck is going on?” 

“It’s apparently a meltdown day.” You sigh, moving to kiss his cheek and go into the kitchen to make a snack for yourself. 

Todays pregnancy craving was potato chips with lime juice and pickles, Eddie watches from the entrance of the kitchen with a smile as you settle at the table and enjoy your snack. 

He moves and takes the seat next to you, following your lead on snacks. 

“Why is Metalhead in ‘rare fucking form’ today?” You giggle, watching his face pinch in annoyance. 

“I pick her up and she gets in the car, right? And then she just starts screaming at me! And I mean screaming. The entire ride home! And from what I gather Vinny didn’t give her a valentines card.” He explains. “God. She was yelling like she was possessed. Then I tried explaining that maybe it was lost and that made it worse.” 

“Did she get one from Troy?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t think she cares either.” He sighs, rubbing his jaw. 

“Okay, we let her ride out the fit in her room. We’ll call Steve later to see what happened.” 

“Sounds great to me.” He smiles. “She scared me a little. Threatened to cut her hair and everything. Then threatened to cut MY hair.” 

A small laugh tears from you as he steals the potato chip in your hand before looking to Wayne’s direction. “They recommend surgery?” 

“It wasn’t a recommendation.” You sigh, grabbing his hand and tracing the tattoo. “I think we need to move the house around.” 

“What?” 

“If Wayne gets surgery he needs to be here. I’ll cut back shifts at the diner and help him out.” You start. “He won’t be able to use the stairs so maybe we can move our room downstairs which would give more room for the twins cribs in our room, but Ziggy has problems with the stairs and she likes coming in to sleep with us cause of the nightmares but-“ 

“Easy. Easy.” Eddie mumbles, turning his hand up quickly to snatch your hand and pull it to his lips. “We’ll figure it out.” 

- 

And so you did. 

Eddie moved the house around, and turned the basement into a bedroom for you guys. Now with more room and your own bathroom down here he could set up the cribs. 

Wayne took your old room, and though the man threw a fit the girls got excited that Grandpa Wayne would be living here now. 

He got the surgery in the beginning of March, and Motley and Vinny were still fighting. 

You spent your days helping Wayne, taking him to pt and helping him move around the house. 

Motley and Vinny got put into separate classes which lead to a whole argument between Steve and Eddie about whose kid was the one to blame. 

Life was a bit of a mess. 

It all came to head at the children's father dance. 

Eddie had dressed in a tux, making sure he looked good as you got Motley ready for the night. With Wayne napping on the couch with Ziggy asleep on his chest drooling (a daily nap these two took) Zeppelin follows at your feet, keeping close to you as you did Motley's hair. 

“How do I look?” Eddie asks from the door of the bathroom. “I have a date tonight and I’m really nervous.”

“Daddy!” Motley giggles, rushing to him in her puffy little skirt, hugging him tightly. 

“Alright you two. Let me get a picture.” You smile, rushing past to find where the camera had gone. By the time you got a picture of them Motley was rushing Eddie out, ready for the dance. 

He struggles to find parking, and ends up finding one right next to Steve’s car, rolling his eyes when he sees Harrington fixing his jacket while Vinny reads in the car. 

“Harrington.” He greets coldly, fixing his leather jacket and moving to open the door for his daughter. 

“Munson.” Steve matches the tone, scoffing at Eddie’s jacket. “Little Munson.” 

“Uncle Steve.” She huffs, fixing her hair. 

“Really? A leather jacket Edward?” 

“You look like you stepped off a Queen music video, Steven.” Eddie snaps, holding out his hand for Motley. Fighting or not they wait at the front of the car for Steve and Vinny. Walking into the dance together. 

“I’m surprised that they even let you in here. Your child is a danger to society.” Steve snaps as they wait in line for tickets. 

“Let’s talk about your kid giving everyone but my sweet Angel a valentines card. That’s barbaric.” Eddie defends, watching Motley wave to her friends. 

“He didn’t want to. And I don’t need to tell him what to do.” Steve blushes, turning to look at something to avoid looking at Eddie. 

“There it is again. You’re acting so fucking suspicious about that card, man.” Eddie points at him, silver rings glinting in the light. “Tell me what you know.” 

“Tickets?” The poor woman asks, interrupting their stand off. 

“Yes please. Four.” 

“No two. I’ll get my tickets.” 

“No I’ll get them” 

“You’re not buying me ,Steven.” 

“He’s buying me.” Motley smiles, snatching the money from Steve’s hands and setting them on the table before grabbing two tickets. “Let’s go get some pop, daddy.” 

Eddie can do nothing but follow, letting the little lady lead the way. 

After about an hour of Motley showing him everything and introducing him to all her friends she abandoned him to hang out with some of the girls in her class, making sure Eddie was okay where he sat at an empty table nursing a can of soda. 

It felt like high school again, watching the way all the other dads surrounded Harrington as the pta moms that decorated huddled together and giggled in the corner. At least the kids were having fun. 

Eddie wished you were here, you would be sitting with him. 

“Jesus. Gary never shuts up.” Steve mumbles, snapping Eddie out of his train of thought. “I got you a slice of pizza.” 

He sets the slice down, giving Eddie a weird smile as he scarfs down his own slice. But eddie wasn’t very hungry, instead he surveyed to check on motley and see her giggling with all her friends as they dance in a circle. 

“Your kid has been sitting alone, you gonna help?” Eddie asks, looking to where Vinny sits reading a book. 

“I tried earlier. He just said something about me embarrassing him more.” Steve sighs. “Then complained that I ruin everything.” 

“What happened? I’ve never seen him alone at a party.” 

“Have I not told you? Your daughter is the popular one. They made her move classes and he was left in their old class struggling to make friends.” Steve mumbles. 

“Why don’t you get one of the many dads following you around to get their kids over there? It feels like I’m in highschool again, waiting for your cronies to shove me in the bathrooms and lock me in again.”

“How long were you in that bathroom, again? Two hours?” 

“Three.” Eddie sighs. “I smoked and set off an alarm so the principal found me.” 

“Sorry.” 

“Wasnt one of your worst. I was fine.” Eddie shrugs. “Sorry about Vinny.” 

“I have faith.” Steve sighs, leaning back in his chair. “I also cannot believe I’m at a daddy daughter dance.” 

“It’s a father kid dance?” 

“They didn’t want the boys feeling left out.” Steve explains. 

“I see.” Eddie smiles, picking at the pizza. 

“He wrote one. You know?” 

“Sorry?” 

“Vinny wrote one. He wrote a valentine for Motley and got her a big chocolate bar. But a girl made fun of him in the parking lot and he panicked.” Steve explains. “Ripped it up and left the chocolate on my car to melt on the seats.” 

“I can clean that.” 

“You can?!” 

“Oh yeah. I got you Harrington.” Eddie laughs right as another dad comes to the table. 

“Howdy gentleman.” He smiles, sitting down. Eddie has to blink to recognize, holy shit that’s Tommy. “Oooo. I’m sitting at the hellfire table. So scary…” 

“Do you have a kid here…?” Steve asks, blinking slowly. 

“Yeah.” He slurs, pointing to the young kid stuffing his face with marshmallows.  “You guys want some whiskey?” 

“Jesus. I smell it from here man.” Steve snaps, standing up. 

“I’m driving. Hard pass.” Eddie laughs, standing with Steve. 

“It’s so weird to me that you two are friends! That shit is like….. mind flowing!” 

“Blowing.” Steve corrects and Eddie sighs. “Damn it Harrington. It was a trap.” 

“Blowing is more for you guys, if you know what I mean.” Tommy laughs and Eddie shakes his head. 

“How did you fall for that Harrington? You made that line.” Eddie grumbles, moving to find Motley. “Hey Metalhead?” 

“Yeah daddy?” She asks, coming up with her cheeks bright red from all the dancing. 

“Have you eaten?” He asks, offering her a bite of his pizza before looking back over to Vinny. “Think you can go help him out?” 

“Yeah. I guess.” She sighs, kissing his cheek and rushing to find Vinny and bring him out to dance. 

By the end of the night Eddie has danced to about every little pop song she wants, and by the time he is bringing her to the car it’s more of a carrying her situation as Steve tries to trip Vinny up. 

“Have a good night Harringtons.” Eddie laughs. 

“Sleep tight Munsons.” 

- 

“Shouldn't you be in bed?” Eddie asks, peering up at you over his book as you shuffle and pace around the room. 

“Shut up.” You grunt, waving your hand at him. Your face is pinched up and Eddie finds himself sitting up and staring at you. 

“What’s going on here?” 

“Edward shut UP!” You snap, pacing back to the wall and holding your hands against it to try and breathe in. “Sorry. Sorry that was mean.” 

“Are you in pain?” He mumbles, standing up and putting on his slippers. 

It was your ninth month, and Eddie was anxious because he had never experienced the pregnancy part of it all before so every kick and movement made him worried. 

“Eddie. Edward. Eds.” You grunt out, and right there something trickles down your leg. 

“Did you just pee?” 

“EDWARD!” 

(Would you guys want me to keep going? I have more ideas {Especially Motley in high school} Feel free to message me if you want me to keep going or if you have any blurbs or requests for them in mind)

TAGLIST:: (Let me know if you want removed)

@mariamayhemrsmunson @bethanyzed @alyisdead

@caseyqdilla @zooboomanfu @avenjames-anderson @hazydespair

@bl1ssfulbaby @username199945 @costellation-hunter @vanessav03 @thehuntresswolf @r-a-d-i-0-n-0-w-h-e-r-e @jackiosstuff @mysticpeachobject @animechick555 @natie335 @localemofreak @venuslayla23-blog @cherrycolas-things @dontcrydaddy

[blackmoonowl]

Fuck it. Danse fanfic with the reader trying to help him get over his suicidal tendecies

The aftermath.

Paladin Danse x reader

Warnings: suicidal ideations, Danse coming to terms with being a synth. After blind betrayal

Danse lived for the brotherhood, and now it felt like he had nothing.

The bunker he now called home felt empty, and he looked at the ceiling. You had spared him, and he was forever grateful for it. But he never felt so alone and lost. Part of him wondered if being spared was truly the best for him. His sulking was interrupted by the sound of someone opening the bunker door. Now on full alert, the ex-paladin jumped up from the mattress, reaching for his weapon.

"Danse?" A voice called out through the bunker, your voice. His body relaxed visibly as he let out a deep breath. The former Brotherhood paladin pulled himself off of the old mattress on the floor, getting to his feet.

"I'm here," he responded, hearing the footsteps immediately approach him. It didn't take long for you to appear from behind the crumbled wall. He looked pathetic no doubt, and he felt a deep-seated sense of shame. You smiled at him, setting down your bag.

"Scribe Haylen told me she got your message, told me to send you her regards. Anyhow, how are you feeling?" You carefully asked, your eyes raking over his slightly disheveled form.

"Doing as well as can be expected, given everything that has happened," Danse replied as he sat down on an old office chair that surprisingly didn't give in despite its age. "But I'm doing better now that you're here."

He didn't miss the way your smile briefly widened at that, a sight that made his weary heart feel a little more at ease. You quickly interrupted the moment of silence, clearing your throat as you gestured to the bag.

"I got you some supplies, should keep you going for a while," you smiled at the synth sat in front of you. It was a far cry from the honorable Paladin you had encountered back at Cambridge. The sight made your heart clench, but you knew better than to bring it up right now. "Figured you could use it, since you know... it's best for you to lay low right now."

Danse's eyes lit up slightly as he reached out to grab the old, worn out pre war shopping bag. "You didn't have to do that for me," he softly muttered, that look of embarrassment never really leaving his face. He had fallen so low he had to accept handouts from the knight he once sponsored, and it felt bad, even if he appreciated your thoughtfulness.

"You're right, I didn't. Danse looked back up at you as you replied. "But I wanted to, you deserve it... after everything."

His lips quirked slightly as he pulled a pack of Fancy lad snack cakes out of the bag. The treat loved by all synths, it felt like some sort of sick joke.

"Thank you," he relented, having to keep himself together so he wouldn't show you just how broken down he really was. "Glad to know I can still rely on you, despite everything." That last part was almost mumbled as he put the item aside again.

"Hey, listen," you began, struggling to find the words. "I.. I know this isn't easy for you. But I'm not going anywhere, okay? I don't see you as any less than I-"

"You should," he cut you off. The synth furrowed his brows, his fingers curled into his fist. "I know you told me than I'm still myself, and I thank you for it. But that doesn't make this easier. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve to live, if I... if I.." he fought back tears as he trailed off, refusing to meet your gaze as his head hung before he spoke again. "That I should be destroyed, for the sake of others, for the sake of the Brotherhood and all they stand for."

"No you shouldn't," you firmly protested, your own heart sinking. "We went over this, you deserve to live just like anyone else. The fact you were created in a lab doesn't make you any less human to me."

"I wish I could believe that without question." Danse tried to keep his voice steady. "But I'm starting to doubt that. The time I've spent here.. I've never felt this low. The Brotherhood declared me dead for a reason."

"Danse," you tried again. "I don't care about that, you're still the same man who took me under his wing when I first joined up. Nothing is going to change that. Not for me, and not for Scribe Haylen." Reaching out, you put your hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze. Danse swallowed thickly as he finally raised his head to meet your gaze. You silently put your other hand on the side of his face, caressing his cheek.

"I don't deserve this," he breathed with a slightly shaky tone. It was a strong contrast to his usual stoic and determined resolve. "But I can't bear the thought of you leaving me as well." His hand came up to rest against the one you were using to cradle his cheek.

"You do deserve it," you firmly responded. "You deserve everything... you are everything." Those words seemed to break the damn as his eyes became glossy, firmly blinking to shoo away the tears. You pulled him closer, your arms circling around his shoulders as his face buried against your stomach. It seemed to catch him off guard, but slowly he raised his hands to grip your waist, a few tears escaping his eyes.

"Thank you.." he managed choke out. The first tears that he shed in what he presumed to be his entire life. "For everything, I wish I could repay you."

"How about accepting that you deserve to be cared for?" You attempted a light joke to cheer the synthetic man up slightly. With a deep sigh, he nodded.

"I'll try, promised." He finally pulled away, flustered and relieved mix of an expression on his face. "Would you mind.. staying a while?" he finally questioned. You smiled at that.

"Of course."

[blessedwithabadomen]

in love with the mess - day fourteen

summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?

content : angst, fluff, overthinking, mentions of drinking, mentions of throwing up

length : 6k

tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken @justeli6 @starvingarsyn @floatinglikeaswan @blacksoul-27 @somebodyels3 @kageyasma @spikeisdaddy @broken0mens @sunsshinesunny

a/n : sorry about the delay!!! I'm going on holiday and it was all very stressful and hectic and then we had to figure out how to get to the airport tomorrow morning because the trains are suddenly not running lmao but here it is!!!

•••

day fourteen

“You… you told-”

Noah didn’t even manage to say it out loud. He didn’t need to. Oli and I were just as aware of the fucking blunder we’d just made. The one that might change everything now.

We should have told him earlier. We should have told him, period. Not risked letting him find out. We’d truly fucked up. Too wrapped up in our own happiness and love to really grasp the consequences. How ridiculously selfish of us.

The room had fallen awkwardly silent, or maybe the ringing in my ears was simply tuning out everything else. Either way, there were still people around us, people who had no business listening in to this, people who didn’t need to know anything about our situation. I wasn’t actually sure if anyone even cared - but all the people running around us were distracting at best. Oli seemed to think the same.

“My dressing room, now,” he simply said, no harshness in his order, yet none of us would have dared to decline.

No more words were exchanged as we made our way through the labyrinthine hallways of the arena. We didn’t touch each other, suddenly hyperaware of every single one of our movements, as if they would be watched and analysed and scrutinised. All of us kept our heads down as we passed by a multitude of people and the general vibe we were giving off seemed to do enough to keep everyone else away. We weren’t in the mood for small talk. Or any talk at all that didn’t include just the three of us.

Oli held the door open for us as we passed him, then shut it after he had entered himself. I’d never felt this out of place in my life. The chaotic, stuffed dressing room that had started to feel close to a second home, even if the actual location kept changing, now did nothing but suffocate me. All of us lingered in the middle of it. No one sat down. As if comfort wasn’t allowed.

“How long?” Noah’s voice seemed painfully loud in the quiet dressing room. The door shut out the noise from outside remarkably well.

“Two days ago,” Oli answered, as if it was no bother at all, as if this wasn’t potentially the most crucial conversation the three of us had ever had, but I could see it in his eyes, in the way he tried to hide his hands fumbling with nothing in particular. “I didn’t mean to say it, then. I mean, I love her, but it just tumbled out of my mouth, really.”

“We didn’t mean to keep it a secret from you,” I added. My whole body ached to reach out to Noah, but the fear of how badly the rejection would sting kept me frozen in place. “We meant to talk to you, there just… We didn’t know how or when. I know that’s the shittiest excuse ever. We should have made the right moment to tell you.”

“So what does that mean now,” Noah all but interrupted. His eyes were flicking back and forth between Oli and me, restless and nervous. He didn’t even seem to process any of the information we’d just told him, even if his brain was probably going a hundred miles an hour. “You two are… a thing. And you still fucked me this morning. Why?”

It was my turn to be stunned. Did he really not know? Was he so completely unaware? Or was he simply trying to shield himself, ignore everything that had happened between the three of us in the past two weeks? Because in my mind, there was no way he didn’t know that this was more than just the three of us fucking around. Or me and Oli getting together. In all the ways that we had complicated and confused this whole thing, it had always been about the three of us. Surely.

“Because we love you, you fucking idiot!”

The outburst pierced the silence painfully but it wasn’t until Noah and Oli both stared at me in shock that the realisation dawned that it had been my outburst. I was the one shouting these words. But as soon as it sunk in, I knew I wasn’t done. Some invisible dam had burst - I was going to speak my mind and I was going to speak it now. No more holding back for the sake of others or blindly agreeing for fear of rejection or letting anyone else take the lead.

“This wasn’t just some weird ploy to get Oli and me together and you get stranded on the sidelines. This has been about the three of us from the start and you know it. So what if Oli and I got there first. I’ve been ready to shout about my feelings for you from the rooftops for days now, Noah. But I didn’t. Because I knew it would scare you away. And I was desperate, Noah, desperate for that not to happen.”

I took a breath, trying to keep a hold of myself, trying not to unravel. I willed the tears in my eyes to disappear but all that happened was that one escaped me and dramatically slid down my face. Noah, somehow, was the first one to react, wiping it away so softly that another immediately followed.

“Every time Oli and I are alone, it feels like a part of us is missing. Like the bed is too big, even when it really isn’t. Or there’s a remark hanging in the room that you would make but you’re not there to say it. I don’t want to do this without you. I want you. I don’t know how this is going to work and I don’t really care because I know we’ll figure it out. I’m in love with you, Noah.”

I couldn’t deal with the way he was looking at me. Especially because I, for once, felt so completely, wholly unable to analyse it at all. Was it pity? Oncoming rejection? Insecurity? Love? I could only hope for the latter, but my emotions were running amok in my body and there was no certainty in anything anymore. In anything but the fact that I was so in love.

Noah was still standing in front of me, but his hand wasn’t on my face anymore and I missed it dearly. All I wanted was to throw myself into his arms and beg him to give the three of us a chance. But this was on him, and him alone.

“She’s right, you know?” Oli piped up next to me. He was much braver than me, pulling Noah close, putting his hand to the other man’s neck and letting their foreheads rest against each other. “We’re not complete without you. I… Noah, I’m in love with you. And, fuck, I never thought I’d say that to a man, but here we are.”

He kissed Noah then, deeply and passionately. It was all he could do. I only hoped it would be enough.

“We don’t want to rush you, Noah. But that’s where we’re at and I… I would hate for this tour to be over with unspoken things lingering between us. So, I don’t know, take some time, talk to us or don’t if you need to be by yourself, whatever you need. But, please, think about it. About us. It’s the only thing I’m asking you for.”

Noah nodded, keeping his head hanging low and staring at the ground now that Oli wasn’t holding him up anymore. I let my hand drift to his jaw, making him look at me. I simply needed to press a kiss to his mouth. The chances that I might not get to do it again were too high.

He felt sweet against me, reciprocating the kiss with a familiarity I had grown so accustomed to. But he didn’t initiate anything else. I let go of him and stepped back.

“I’ll give you an answer. Tonight. I promise.”

Believing in him was all Oli and I could do.

•••

It felt wrong to sleep alone. If I’d already been lamenting the fact that Noah was missing when it was just Oli and me, I’d completely forgotten just how awful it would feel to have neither of them next to me in bed. The cold was seeping into my bones, one that couldn’t be fixed with any number of blankets or heating in the room. I missed feeling their bodies around me, feeling the mattress move every time they shuffled. Missed their hands on me, their chests pressed against my own and my back. Their slowing breathing filling the room with the slightest noises that had me drifting off to sleep so easily. Now I was too cold and the room was too quiet and my brain was too loud.

We had tried to be reasonable about it, really. We’d gotten a ride back to the hotel together and while I tried to savour every moment with them, it had been the most awkward situation we’d managed to find ourselves in just yet. When we had lingered in the hotel hallway, unsure of how to proceed from here, Noah had said that he needed some time to think, alone, and that it would probably be for the best if he just went back to his room with Jolly. We’d bid him goodnight, not attempting to kiss or hug him or initiate any other physical contact, and he’d ended up waving before walking down the corridor. Like a stranger.

Then it had just been Oli and me, again. I’d made him hold me, for a while, needing the closeness and the reassurance that we could somehow be fine whatever happened now, but we didn’t talk. Only to agree that we should sleep separately for once. It simply felt… wrong to allow ourselves to spend the night in an attempt at what would hopefully become a steady relationship when Noah was still struggling and confused and neither part of it nor outside of it. Plus, I knew fully well that we would end up talking the whole night, not getting a wink of sleep and instead stressing ourselves out even further.

Not that I was getting much rest on my own now.

Picking up my phone, I once again, for what felt like the seventieth time that night, opened our group chat. There wasn’t very much in there to be honest. Most of the time, it was easy enough to locate each other in the venues or their rooms. And if I was looking for someone specific, I usually ended up texting just that person. The other one was probably with one of us already anyway.

Still.

My fingers hovered over the screen. And then they typed, before I could stop them. I clicked the sent button as soon as the last letter had appeared. Just to make sure I wouldn’t back out again. Then I chucked the phone as far away from me as I could while still being able to hear my alarm in a few hours and turned around, hoping for sleep to come, hoping for my brain to give me some peace for at least a while. Hoping those two men would feel the same way I did when they read my message.

I miss you already.

•••

I ended up running late which was something that rarely happened and tended to be in my top ten most stressful situations in life. I had been so preoccupied with leaving on time or at least not too late to make my flight to Dublin that I didn’t even remember to check my messages until I was in the car to the airport.

Noah Can we talk tonight? The guys want to go out but maybe after?

There was about an hour of nothing in the chat, I presumed Oli was asleep or simply not checking his phone at that time, before another message from him came through.

Noah I miss you too Both

Then silence, again, for a few hours. Oli had apparently gotten up earlier than I had and, somehow, had been more organised. Or at least enough to text.

Oli Think everyone’s keen on going out tonight We can meet up at the hotel afterward? My room? Please don’t make me stay on my own again, I couldn’t even get any rest without you (Aubrey) clinging to my shirt until it almost choked me and you (Noah) terrifying me with your sleep talking in the middle of the night

I wasn’t going to cry in the cab. Even if I did end up clutching the phone to my heart as if it physically held the people I loved and not just the messages they had left. Maybe it was going to be alright after all. Maybe we could make this work. Maybe, even tonight already, we would be right where we were supposed to be - next to each other.

I didn’t get a chance to reply as the driver pulled up to the airport. But I would get to talk to them later tonight, at the very latest. And that made my heart that little bit lighter.

•••

“I’ll let you know that I was only slightly panicked about you missing the flight,” Becky said as I reached my gates, mere moments before boarding was about to start. I huffed at her, pretending it was because I was shocked at how little faith she had in me, not because I was legitimately out of breath.

“Which would have been annoying but not the end of the world, pretty sure there's more fights from here to Dublin than just this one today.”

“Not if they all get cancelled because of the storm.”

I felt the blood drain from my face. “Storm?”

“Yeah, it's pretty windy already so it's not clear whether later flights will go ahead. Wait, you don't look too well - are you- are you afraid of flying?”

“I'm afraid of turbulences,” I admitted.

“Well, then,” Becky said, reaching into her bag as she ushered me towards the counter where they'd just started boarding. “Here's to hoping your surprises will keep you occupied!”

“Wait- plural?”

She didn’t feel the need to answer me as she instead pushed me forward to get my ticket checked and then ushered down the way toward the plane. I was already on the aircraft when she caught up with me, briefly waiting as I took my assigned seat in the middle, which was only bearable because the window seat was taken by Noah. He sent me a tired smile, making me wonder how much rest he’d gotten during the night, as I slid into the row.

“Have fun!” Becky squealed, putting a folder in my hands and vanishing down the aisle of the plan before I could stop her. I briefly looked from the now vacant spot to the folder to Noah, who had a small but knowing smile on his face.

I quickly stored my luggage and got comfortable - as comfortable as possible on a flight - and only got briefly interrupted when Oli walked down the aisle next to me, throwing a kiss in my direction the way he had done the night before, then throwing another to Noah, who accepted it with the blush I had grown to love so much on his cheeks.

“Do you know what this is about?” I asked as more and more people filled up the plane, boarding finally finishing and the crew getting ready for takeoff.

“Maybe,” he chuckled, giving me one more look that I couldn’t quite get a grasp on, then busying himself in the comic in his hands, one I recognised he’d bought on our trip to Forbidden Planet a while ago.

Realising I wasn’t going to get any more information out of him, I decided I might as well try to preoccupy myself with figuring out what exactly Becky had given me during take off. It was the worst part of the flight anyway. Well, minus the landing. And any turbulences.

However, there simply had to be one more interruption.

“Is this seat taken?”

Confused, I looked up from the folder, already questioning what sense that question could possibly make on a fight with assigned seating, when my eyes spotted-

“Lia!”

I tried to jump up but the seatbelt I'd already buckled painfully pulled me back. Noah quickly reached over to undo it as I stood up, folder almost crashing to the floor, my arms wrapping around my best friend as if I hadn't seen her for years. It felt like it.

A stern look from one of the flight attendants had us sit down immediately, getting settled and ready for take off.

“What are you doing here? I don't understand!”

“Did you know Becky is super nice and also definitely able to bully people into giving her my number and telling me to get my ass here?”

“Wait, so-”

“Well, apparently Oli requested my presence too,” she continued, completely unfazed by my questions, “and we both know he's asking for you and not because he loves me so much. Also the hotel had a free room for the next two nights, how handy, right? So here I am, taking you out drinking tonight and trying to punch some sense into all of you guys. Hi, Noah!”

Noah waved awkwardly and then handed me back the folder I had almost forgotten about. He just have caught up when I'd almost dropped it.

“Have you read it yet?” Lia asked, almost jumping in her seat. I shook my head and then buried it in the papers in front of me.

Nothing made sense.

I skimmed through the pages, then back to the first one, as if it might just have been my English skills inexplicably leaving me, but no. I was seeing - and reading - correctly. With a frown so tight it almost hurt the skin on my forehead, I read through the contents, properly now, absorbing every word.

I wasn’t sure how long I took, flipping through the pages, back and forth, just to make sure I was reading correctly, that I wasn’t hallucinating these words, that this was for real.

“This- I mean… I-”

“You're getting an apprenticeship, Aubrey!” Lia shouted so loudly that someone from the row in front of us turned around with a frown. “Becky asked the company she works for and they're offering it to you. Said that the past two days were basically your try-outs. You're gonna be a sound technician! Well, if you accept, of course.”

“Oh my god,” I mumbled, flipping through the pages again, and again. This whole thing felt like a fever dream I was not ready to wake up from. “And in a few days I would-”

“Come on tour with us and shadow Becky,” Noah completed my sentence. “Not the most conventional way to start learning the basics, but when have any of us ever been. Conventional, that is.”

I didn't have time to think about the implications of his words or how they could translate to a completely different issue too. All I could do was put a hand over my mouth in shock and cease to fight against the tears that were starting to spill down my cheeks in abundance. Both Noah and Becky hugged me as much as they possibly could with all of us stuck in our seats. Even the turbulence couldn't faze me anymore.

Life might actually be looking up.

•••

If there was one thing Lia knew how to do, it was how to keep me occupied and distracted. We spent most of the day chatting, which included a lot of me rambling about my chaotic love life - I only cried once - and her fawning over her wife and how she needed a change of occupation too. On top of that, we decided to have lunch at the hotel restaurant, where we promptly bumped into Becky, who allowed me to ask all the questions about the internship offered and then almost bowled me over in my chair when I asked the waiter for a pen to sign the contract straight away.

Since all of us had the night off, we ended up agreeing over several different group chats to go out big style - crew, Bad Omens, Bring Me The Horizon, well, and Lia. Even though she had a room of her own, she’d practically gathered half her suitcase and made a home in mine as we got ready together.

Yet, all she seemed to do was veto every outfit I showed her until we finally landed on an oversized pullover I used as a dress (just about sexy enough for her, comfortable enough for me, who wasn’t actually looking to attract anyone new that evening) and a pair of fishnet tights that would do nothing at all to protect me from the January cold but would hopefully look less out of place once we were inside again.

“So, what’s the plan with Noah, then?” Lia asked as she dropped down on my bed, spilling some of the setting powder in her hand and then trying to rub it into the duvet as if I hadn’t seen. “Because all I see right now is you and Oli sitting around waiting.”

“What else is there to do?” I sighed. I genuinely felt at a loss. We’d put the ball in his court. We’d told him how we felt. We left the decision up to him. But would all of that be enough?

“What’s the biggest issue right now? Like, what’s his fears?”

“Probably that Oli and I have a stronger connection with each other than either of us has with him. That we already know each other so well that he’ll be the one left out.”

“Sounds like you guys need more time together. The three of you. Completely ignoring what you and Oli might know about each other from before and just focus on finding yourselves in this relationship now.”

The silence lingered for a moment as both of us got lost in our thoughts, the mascara I was in the middle of applying now forgotten in my hand. I stared at myself in the mirror, made up and dressed up, and wondered who I was. Someone in love. Someone who was willing to fight for it. I was so over being passive.

“What can I do?”

“Well, first of all, put mascara on the other eye too because you look very asymmetrical.”

I rolled my eyes but did as she said, knowing that if I got too carried away, I’d completely forget about the rest of my makeup anyway.

“Give yourselves more time?” Lia offered.

“Tour ends tomorrow,” I thought out loud. “The Bad Omens tour isn’t until the 27th and the flight to Berlin is on the 26th. Now, I know Oli is completely free the next few days and I can ask around again but I’m pretty sure Noah has a break until then as well.”

Lia simply let out a hum in the background of my monologue, just to let me know she was still listening as I started scrolling through my phone, typing and searching.

“Fuck it,” I decided. “I’m booking us a family room for the next few days after tour. Nice hotel, just outside of Dublin. No distractions, no one else we know around us, no shows, no appointments, nothing. Just the three of us. There. Booked. Do you think the hotel can print something for me?”

Lia looked at me like a proud parent which was unnerving at best but I ignored it.

“I’m sure Oli would love to go and ask with you,” she grinned as I pulled on my shoes and was already halfway out the door, jacket and bag at the ready.

“Meet you downstairs in a few?”

“Will do! Don’t get distracted by Oli’s dick!”

•••

“What if he doesn’t even notice?”

“Of course he’ll fucking notice.”

“You don’t know that! He might not look this way and then just stumble over it!”

“What if we knock?”

“But we’re supposed to drop it off without him seeing!”

“Fine. I’ll knock and we’ll run and hide around the corner.”

“What are we, five?”

“Yes. I’m knocking now.”

I quickly dropped the printed paper along with the post-it stuck on top to the floor as Oli all but pounded on Noah’s hotel room door before bolting down the hallway with me and stopping just around the corner, pulling each other to safety and then peeking around just as we saw him step out, confused. We stayed hidden until we heard the door fall back into its lock and then spared another glance to make sure he had picked up our notes.

“You think he’s going to do it? Come with us for another few days?”

“Well, a luxurious hotel and both of us, he’d be stupid to refuse,” Oli chuckled, but I could tell the anxiety weighed on him just as heavily. There wasn’t much more to do, really. We’d told him about our feelings. We wanted to spend the small break that all of us had together, no distractions, just getting to know each other better and figuring out how this could work. It was truly his turn now.

“Come on, stop worrying that pretty head of yours so much,” Oli said, pressing a kiss to it. “Let’s get Lia and see what Dublin has to offer, yeah?”

I simply let myself fall into his arms a little as he led us toward the lifts, ready to forget about the ache in my heart just for a while.

•••

The night ended up not being all that wild, after all. Everyone was feeling the exhaustion from the past two weeks on tour. It didn’t mean that the pub we had all gathered it wasn’t in danger of running out of spirits, though. The mood was high and the volume in the room seemed to be getting louder by the minute. I’d already saved various people from Lia various times because if someone didn’t know how to shut her mouth when intoxicated, it was her. I’d currently lost track of her once again which was slightly worrying, but the more drinks Becky was providing me with, the less I cared. Her husband wasn’t back company either, although he seemed ever so slightly overwhelmed with the rowdy crowd around us.

“Are you excited to go on the Bad Omens tour then?” He asked, an arm around Becky, who was currently distracted by someone else who was telling her about some sound system or other, and I only briefly let myself fall into the yearning of having that kind of stable relationship, the kind of love that people would see from miles away without any of us doing anything, the kind of connection that shone through even when we weren’t talking.

“Did everyone but me know about this?”

“Well, yes,” he laughed. “As far as I know it was a joint venture, Becky, Lia, Oli and Noah all huddled together to make this happen. I guess you’re very loved.”

“God, don’t make me sappy now,” I chuckled but it was nothing but an attempt to keep the tears at bay. I’d been crying entirely too much lately, for a number of reasons, and I was getting a little tired of it.

I excused myself momentarily, citing a bathroom break, but found myself standing outside the pub instead. The cold air sent shivers up and down my body, but I didn’t mind all that much. It was a nice reminder that I wasn’t only in my head. That I was here right now. I flinched when a hand landed on my waist, a gesture so strangely intimate I knew it to be Noah before I registered anything else.

“So you two really want to spend more time with me alone after this tour?” he asked, jokingly, but he couldn’t fool me. I could see the insecurity in his eyes, in the way he stood, in the way his hand lingered on my body without quite grabbing it.

“Noah, love, I’ll always want to spend more time with you.” My hand was on his chest now, hard and lean under my fingertips, and it took all the strength I possessed not to pull him in and kiss him stupid. “If your tour wasn’t coming up so soon after, I’d probably have booked us in for a month.”

His fingers ildly played with the fabric of my makeshift dress. “Maybe-”

The door from the pub banged open with more force than it should have been able to. A rather tipsy Lia stumbled out, obnoxiously pointing at Noah as she came over.

“You! Folio threw up on the bar and they’re kicking him out and I’ve been told you’re the one to bother. He needs to get back to the hotel and you guys are sharing right? Come on. I’ll help.”

Noah sighed, deeply, but looked at me once more before turning away. “Can we talk later? The three of us? Not in my room though, for obvious reasons.”

“Sure,” I chuckled. “Oli’s room later? We can shoot you a text.”

“Perfect,” he said and then he bent down and pressed a soft kiss to my lips and I could really believe this was going to work out.

•••

The night was dying down earlier than I would have expected, but both Oli and Mat kept loudly complaining that they were not 25 anymore after all. I bit back a comment about how that luckily hadn’t impacted Oli’s performance in bed. As more and more people started leaving, Oli clung to me, leaning his body on me with much more force than necessary, then giggling at the way I almost buckled under his weight. He was a little tipsy, just on the verge of it, and it made him all kinds of needy and whiny. Although I wasn’t quite sure if that was actually down to the alcohol or if he was simply in a mood.

“I want Noah,” he mumbled into my ear as he rested his head on my shoulder. It seemed horribly uncomfortable with the height difference, but I patted his hair in what I hoped would be a calming and reassuring gesture anyway. “I miss Noah.”

“I know, baby,” I cooed. “Do you want to go back to the hotel? I can shoot him a text.”

“Please.”

The cold outside seemed to wake and sober him up considerably as we got into a cab to get back to the hotel. He immediately pulled me into the middle seat, claiming the distance was simply unacceptable.

“Thank you for helping with the job situation, by the way,” I whispered, as if it was a secret, just for the two of us. “The job, offering me a place to stay, getting me on this tour in the first place… I really don’t know how to ever thank you for everything you do for me, Oli.”

He grabbed my face then, gently, so I would look at him. Then he kissed me so deeply that I was getting lightheaded, all sensations swimming through my brain in one big mush as I allowed myself to drown in them, knowing he was holding me and keeping me safe.

“You could keep on loving me, that’s all I’ll ever ask for.”

“Well, that’s going to be very easy,” I giggled, pressing a kiss to his nose right as the driver announced our arrival.

The hotel was quiet as soon as we left the reception area. I wondered if Noah was still busy taking care of Folio. If I should text him immediately and ask him to come over. If he wanted to talk to us yet. My train of thought was interrupted when we arrived on our floor and none other than Lia left Noah and Folio’s room, quickly running over to us as I shushed her for being too loud in her heels.

“He’s finally stopped puking,” she gleefully announced. “I’m off to bed now. Noah… Well, get to your room. He’ll get in touch?”

“He’ll- what?” I asked, but Lia was already bouncing down the hallway again, refusing to stop for clarification. Oli simply shrugged his shoulders as he unlocked the door and held it open for me.

It only took a few moments.

The knock wasn’t as much as a surprise, considering we were basically waiting for Noah, but the fact that no one was there when we opened it felt a bit comical. Especially when we realised a folded up piece of paper was on the floor in front of us.

“This feels like payback,” Oli laughed breathlessly, quite obviously just as nervous about this as I was. I refused to let the overthinking get the better of me though as I bent down to pick it up and unfolded it while Oli closed the door again. When I saw the amount of text, I ushered him in the direction of the bed so we could sit on the edge and read it together. He had to help hold onto it so we could still be make out the words amid my shaking.

Aubrey, Oli, my loves.

I’ve spent the last day doing very little else but think about everything. I’ve been trying to find a winner in the war that kept waging in my head but it seemed impossible.

Well, Lia didn’t allow that. She’s quite a force, isn’t she? As soon as Folio was in bed, she basically held me at gunpoint (figuratively) while she told me what she thought about the situation and how much of a “fucking useless idiot” I was being. Then she made me write a pro and contra list on the back of this page because apparently that’s what she does when she can’t make a decision. I’m not sure if buying a new phone quite compares to this, but I humoured her. And I think it helped. Just don’t tell her that.

Noah

There was a slightly messed up heart drawn next to it. The hope was rising up in my throat like bile, threatening to make me throw up just from the sheer terror and excitement about what was happening. We were so close to an answer. This was the moment.

Oli nodded at me to turn the paper over as soon as he was also done reading. He looked white as a sheet and I was sure my own face mirrored it. My shaky fingers only got worse when I flipped the page over.

There was indeed a list in front of us. Lots of entries on the “pro” side. Ranging from “They make me laugh” to “I feel safe with them” and “They know I’m scared and they don’t mind”. The contra side was shorter, but still held a few bulletpoints. “The distance”, “Third wheel” and “How to make this work??” were scribbled there.

But none of that was the important part.

The important part was that the list had been crossed out, liberally, with a massive “x” over the whole page, making it a little harder to read some of the points. And in the middle of it, almost from one corner to the other, covering even more words, he had written one single sentence. One sentence that seemed to count more than all the others. That made everything else not matter. That made clear that he had come to a decision.

I AM IN LOVE WITH THEM.

[xetlynn]

Twilight- Switch of Daylight: Chapter Eleven, Cliffs

(Alice x Reader x Jasper)

[Ten] [Eleven] [Twelve]

Someone knocks on the truck door, startling me. I thought it was going to be Charlie but when it was Jacob instead, my eyebrows furrowed.

He opens the door and forces me to scoot over. I then look at the door to see Bella waving and then entering the house. "You apologized?" I asked, holding myself tightly. Not caring about anything else.

"Yes, and I need to apologize to you as well." He doesn't look me in the eyes as he says this. "It's fine Jake." I shrug it off but he disagrees.

"It's not fine. I didn't understand anything and immediately jumped on you. You're nothing like the Cullens." He says, I look up at him. "Jacob, the Cullens have done nothing to you." I cross my arms, "whatever, that's not the point of this talk. I should've never said those nasty things about you. Your situation... it's pretty serious and I'm sorry." He sincerely says in a soft tone. "I have another thing to bring up to you." He tells me and I nod for him to keep talking, bringing my knees up to my chest as I listened.

"Victoria, that red headed chick. You know she's after Bella-" "Yes I already knew that." I chuckled, "why?" My nose scrunches, confused on why he would bring something up I already obviously know.

"Well you know she's after you too right?" He asks, giving me a serious look and then I see in the forest line, Sam and Paul's wolves poking out. "Yeah, Laurent might've mentioned it." I look back to him, now tensed up from the conversation.

"I don't think it's to kill you though. I think she wants to trigger the curse." Jacob says, he's hesitant though. I think Sam fully explained everything to him for which I'm grateful but he should know I don't think I could ever truly trust him again. "Finish what James was trying to accomplish." I finish Jacob's words. Now thinking it all over. Before he turned me he said he wanted me to turn into a vampire so he could kill me and it would be permanent. But he didn't know if that was actually true.

"She figured out what James wanted to know." I sigh out, putting my head down.

He pulls me into his arms and I actually felt a tear pass my eyes, startling me but nothing that's supposed to make sense is anymore so I ignore it. "I'm scared, Jake." My body trembles as he holds me a little tighter.

"Hey, it's okay." He assures me, "we're gonna keep you safe." Even in the arms of Jacob all I can think about are Alice and Jasper.

The next day I decided to go hunting myself. I haven't gotten to do so in a while and I need to have enough strength to not react to other people's blood.

I'm not going to get into anything gory, of course attacking an animal I try to keep to a minimum due to the guilt I feel. Even if this is the better way I still hate doing this. Yeah, I ate meat as a human but I didn't have to do the killing to eat it. To my left I hear leaves rustling, almost scaring me until I realized it wasn't as close as I thought. Moments later a large body makes its way from the trees. I shake my head, smiling. "Hey Jake, Embry." I acknowledge the one behind him.

Jacob nods his head slightly, coming over to look at the animal I covered with leaves, then turning to look at me. "I uh, feel bad." I rub the back of my neck before wiping the blood from my mouth.

"Still on the search for Victoria?" I question as if I could understand them. I mainly go by body language. Embry huffs meaning they definitely still are. That was until we heard a laugh. Jacob gets in front of me and then we see a glimpse of red hair.

Jacob and Embry go after her as I stand there confused on if I should go help or not, then I remember I told Bella I'd meet her back at the house after hunting.

Racing home I get there to see Bella's truck gone. I begin to panic, using my speed ability to check around the house before thinking next of where she could be.

The guys weren't supposed to allow her to leave so most of them might be chasing after Victoria. I hurry up and  go to the Rez. Fuck, I don't know where she could be around here.

I run to Sam's house, banging on the door like a mad woman. It swings open and his face is furrowed.

"[Name], what happened?" I push past him in the house. "Where's my sister?" I look around, going into the kitchen then searching in other rooms. Only to bump into another woman.

"Sam, what's going on?" The woman asks, I push past her as well, going to go outside but Sam stops me.

"This is [Name], Bella's sister. And what's going on, why are you freaking out?" He questions me, I grow antsy, not wanting to answer him as I was just trying to find my sister. "[Name], what's going-" "Bella, where is she?" I glare at him. "You said you guys were gonna keep her safe, she was supposed to be at the house, where is she?" I start to grip back on his arm, visibly hurting him but I was not doing too goof. "It's okay, she was was just here." Sam attempts to calm me down.

"Yeah, she was looking for Jacob." The girl speaks up, I glance back at her. Then something comes back to me. The cliff. She wanted to cliff dive. "Thank you!" I point to the random woman I've never seen before.

Speeding out of the house, practically ripping my body out of Sam's grasp.

Arriving at the Cliff I look around, seeing Bella's truck parked. I hurry towards the water, Bella's body was falling to the water. "Bella no!!" I scream. She hit the ocean.

"Bella!" I cry out. Moments pass and then her body pops out. A huge relief settles in my body. Panic still over washed my face nonetheless. "Yes!" She laughs. Then a wave crashes over her, pulling her under the water. Without thinking I dive into the water once I hit the water I open my eyes, searching for Bella.

It takes longer than I liked but once I found her, her eyes were closed. I just barely grab her by her sleeve, once I have her I fix my grip to her waist. Swimming out of the water, making sure her head is above it.

Getting onto shore I try to remember what to do. I hear footsteps behind me as I begin CPR. "Oh my god, Bella." It was Jacob behind me, he gets down to his knees as well on the other side of her.

"Bella, please." I beg with her, dread entering my body. Jacob and I lift her torso up, hitting her back. Finally she spits out water.

"Bella!" "Bella can you hear us?" Jacob asks. "[Name]...? Jake?" She's attempting to focus on us, mainly staring at me. Sam stands behind us. "She'll be alright." He tells us, I stand up letting Jacob lecture her as mine will be far far worse.

I go over to Sam.

"Sorry..." I mutter. "Sorry?" His eyes widen slightly, surprised I'm talking to him to begin with. "For pushing past you, searching your house." I say, holding myself. Weirdly just now feeling the water drip from my clothes.

"Who was that girl?" I suddenly ask as he stayed silent after my apology. "That's Emily, Paul's imprint." He informs me.

I nod my head a little bit. "Oh," Was all I said in return before joining Bella and Jacob again.

"Get them home, I'm heading to the hospital, I'll meet you there!" Sam shouts over to Jacob who only nods in return. Sam jogs off.

"Why would you jump? Didn't you notice it's like a hurricane out here? You're lucky [Name] got here in time." Jacob turns back to my sister. "I know. It was stupid- Sam said hospital- someone's hurt?" She asks and then I realized what was said too and we both stare at him waiting for an answer.

"Harry Clearwater had a heart attack." He informs us. I close my eyes, knowing that's going to be heartbreaking for our dad. "Oh my god- does our dad know?"

"He and my dad are both over there." He says. "Will Harry be okay?"

"I don't know. Come on. I'll find you both something dry and drive you guys home." He tells us, helping my sister up. She then falls into my arms and we walk together as I hold her from the side.

Jacob both found us jackets but it was kind of irrelevant for me as I don't feel cold. Bella shivers though so Jacob pulls her close.

"Hundred and eight degrees over here." He smiles, she tucks herself further into him. "Must be nice, never getting cold." She says to the both of us, mainly to Jacob so I stay quiet. "It's a wolf thing." He shrugs it off. "It's a Jacob thing. You're just... warm." She compliments him. "Like the sun." He grins.

I roll my eyes from the subtle flirting he's trying to pull off. "Like the sun." Bella repeats him.

"Which like always comes back. You can count on me." He sincerely tells her. She only nods though. I feel her grow awkward. "There are other cool things about all this, like- I heal fast. Wanna see me stab my hand?" He jokingly messes with her. "Yeah, 'cause that would be fun." She sarcastically responds.

Jacob pulls the truck into our house. "So... this wolf thing's not all bad?" She changes the subject, I still decide to stay quiet. I feel tired almost which is weird but ignored like everything else has been. "It's better. Not that you know. But..." He grows quiet. "But..." She says, egging him on to continue. "It's just... comes so easily to me. More than the other guys."

"That's a good thing, isn't it?" She tilts her head.

"Maybe. Or maybe it makes me less human than the others." I notice him glance at me then back to Bella. It was quick, not exactly intentionally but I saw it.

"Sometimes I'm scared I might disappear, you know? Who I really am." Bella looks him directly in his eyes and this where I take it as a sign to get out of the truck.

They of course noticed it due to Bella's truck being so nosey but they continued with their conversation. I leaned against the truck, wanting to wait for Bella before I went into the house. I closed my eyes thinking about how Bella might not have made it. Moments later Bella opens her truck door but Jacob pushes her back into the trucking slamming her door before grabbing me and leading me back into the vehicle as well. "There's a bloodsucker out there." He says.

"Hey! Excuse me!" I motion to myself, I get a quick apology but then I notice the sense of another as well. "How do you know?" She questions. "He can smell us. Wolves and Vampires have distinct smells." I tell her.

"Yeah, and they reek. Sorry [Name] but it's true. And I'm getting you guys out of here." He pulls out of the driveway, whipping the truck around. "It's not Victoria!" I shout. And both Bella and I look in the driveway again. Realizing who it is. "Yeah, stop, it's not here!" Bella screams.

"Forget it." He shakes his head.

"It's Carlisle's car! They're here. Go back!" Bella orders him but he doesn't listen. "It's a trick-" He floors it so I take Bella, opening the door and jumping out causing Jacob to slam the breaks. I try to careg Bella bridal style, going to run off to the house but Jacob gets in front of us. I slowly put my sister back down. "Stop, you guys gotta come with me." He desperately says to us.

"It's okay. They're my friends." Bella argues. "Jacob something might be wrong if they're back." I plead with him. "Don't you get it? If a Cullen is back here, this is their territory. The Treaty says we can only defend our own lands." He explains to us.

"It's not a war." Bella disagrees. "It is. And you'll only be safe in La Push. I can't protect you here anymore." This isn't about me anymore. I'm only plus one because I'm Bella's sister.

"I don't need you to-" "You're about to cross a line." He cuts her off. "Only if you draw one." Bella states. We begin to move past him but he stops us. "I'm not letting you two do this." He says.

"You don't have a choice. We- I don't belong to you." She says, knowing it will hurt him, and it does. She sees it but she knows she can't take it back. He hands her the keys. "Bye, Bella. I hope you both don't die." Bella flinches from his words, he disappears in the woods. Leaving us in the road so I take the keys from her. Grabbing her arm so we can continue our way to the house.

But as we begins rustling noises start. She freaks out but I smell the scent of who it is and I instantly let Bella go. She screams though, stopping once she sees who it is. "Alice!"

"You're... alive." Alice seems confused. I stand back, completely silent at the sight of her. Bella hugs her. "Oh my god, Alice. You're here." Bella grins. "I heard voices- I didn't think it was you two but- you're alive." She repeats herself from the first time. "You keep saying that." Bella chuckles anxiously.

"I saw you- a vision of you- you jumped off a cliff. I knew I'd be too late but- Why the hell would you try to kill yourself?!" She suddenly grows angry. "I didn't I was cliff diving." Bella corrects her.

"Why?!"

"Um... fun?" Bella even questions it herself, knowing her answer isn't a good one. "That was fun for you." Alice looks her up and down. "Until I hit the water." She nods. "I have never met anyone more prone to life-threatening idiocy... and what is that hideous dog smell on the both of you?" Oh so she can acknowledge my existence.

"Oh, probably Jacob. He's kind of a werewolf."

Masterlist

A&J M.L.

I am sorry for the weird ending of this chapter. Also I obviously switched up Paul and Sam to go with my story lol.

Taglist: if you want to be added lmk!

@stevenandmarcslove

@steh-lar-uh-nuhs

@kisekihany

@aureliacorvina

@l3ejm

@marit332

@marsyay78

[djarindroid]

Together

Pairing: Cassian x Reader

Summary: After a mission gone wrong you hide yourself away, blaming yourself. Will Cassian seek you out and finally admit how he truly feels?

Word Count: 1,142

Comments: Thank you to the anon who requested this, I've missed writing for Cassian 💕

As the ship jumped into hyperspace the silence that filled the cockpit was palpable. Cassian could feel the weight of what had happened settling around him and resting heavily on his shoulders. His eyes briefly lingered on the empty seat behind him, your usual spot, and he sighed at your absence.

Literally everything that could have gone wrong on the mission went wrong. You hadn’t said anything but Cassian knew you blamed yourself. The moment you’d got back on the ship you’d hidden yourself away, and Cassian and been trying to figure out if he should approach you ever since. 

He felt selfish, wishing you were still sat here talking about anything and everything. He always joked that you didn’t know when to be quiet, but he’d give anything to have the sound of your voice filling the ship or to have your contagious laughter bouncing around him. 

‘It would make the both of you feel better if you went and talked to her,’ K-2 piped up, breaking the silence. Cassian said nothing in return, still internally debating whether he should seek you out. ‘I’ve noticed you seem to be happier when she is present.’

Cassian turned his head to look at his droid companion upon hearing that. He couldn’t deny the truth in the observation, ever since you’d first worked together he couldn’t help but grow fond of you. His eyes flickered between your seat and K-2. His jaw clenched as he turned his attention back to the ship's control panel. ‘She wants to be alone.’

‘I don’t recall her saying that,’ K-2 responded. He was right, you hadn’t said anything before darting off to the back of the ship. Surely that’s what you needed right now though? To be alone. Otherwise you’d be sat up here talking his ear off as per usual.

Cassian sat, tapping his fingers on the main console, contemplating what to do. His brain was telling him to keep his distance, he was getting too close to you and that wasn’t a good idea. But his heart was calling for you, yearning to have you near, to make sure you’re ok. His heart won, it dragged him from his seat and pulled him towards you.

He made his way through the ship, his soft footsteps echoed around him. Every step closer to you caused his heart to beat a little faster. As he approached the small room where you’d secluded yourself he heard a stifled sob. He could have shattered at the sound and he didn’t hesitate to knock.

‘It's just me,’ he said gently. ‘Can I come in?’

He held his breath during the brief moment of silence, which was followed by your muffled ‘yes’.

Cassian stepped inside to find you sat on a bench with your legs tucked up to your chest. Your eyes were red and puffy as you quickly wiped away tears. Without a word he crossed the small room and sat next to you. He hesitated, he wanted to comfort you but didn’t want to cross any boundaries. 

As he debated what to do or say he noticed you shift slightly, shuffling yourself closer to him. That was the push Cassian needed, he wrapped his hand around your own as he said ‘we did everything we could.’

Your heavy sigh filled the room, ‘but what if I-‘ you started but Cassian quickly cut you off.

‘You can’t do that to yourself, you know there’s nothing else we could have done.’ He turned his body so he was facing you. ‘You don’t have to go through this alone y/n.’ You met his eyes and he noticed another tear roll down your cheek. Without thinking he cupped your face and carefully wiped the stray tear away. 

Your cheek was warm beneath his palm, you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch. You took a shuddering breath before saying ‘I was so scared,’ your eyes opened to meet his again. ‘I thought-‘ he watched as your eyes flickered between his own, as if you were trying to find the words. ‘I thought I was going to lose you today,’ you quietly admitted.

Your words took Cassian by surprise, is that why you’d been so upset? His heart ached at the thought of your carrying this fear. He softly titled your chin up, making sure you kept your gaze locked with his own. ‘I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.’ He kept his voice soft but firm.

Another tear slipped down your cheek and he brushed it away again. ‘We’re in this together,’ he reassured. ‘I’ll always be by your side.’ You took a shaky breath and leaned towards him, as if you were seeking his comfort. He leaned to you as well and rested his forehead against your own. 

‘I don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to you,’ you confessed. Cassian’s heart was beating so loudly he was sure you’d be able to hear it.  ‘Cassian I-‘ you pulled back slightly to look into his eyes. ‘I care about you, I care about you so much it scares me. I care about you more than I’ve cared about anyone.’ Your words came out rushed, as if a dam had broken and you were finally free to speak the truth. 

Cassian felt his breath catch in his throat at your confession, relief and surprise washed over him. He’d spent so long concealing his own feelings, trying to lessen them out of fear they would complicate things, but hearing you say the words he’d been too afraid to say himself made him feel as though he was floating on air.

He took a deep breath before saying ‘I’ve tried to convince myself it was better to keep my feelings to myself but I care about you too, more than I thought was possible.’ His hand was still cradling your cheek and you looked up at him with wide eyes. ‘I’m scared of losing you as well, but I don’t want to give into that fear anymore. I want you by my side, always.’

He watched as your shoulders sagged, the tension in your body leaving as his words sank in. Your expression softened and a smile appeared on your face, the first he had seen since the failed mission. At the sight Cassian felt a surge of protectiveness, knowing he would do anything to be there whenever you needed him.

You leant in and Cassian closed the distance, pressing his lips to yours in a tender kiss. Any lingering fear or doubt ebbed away and was replaced with the connection you now shared. When he finally pulled back he felt a newfound sense of strength and hope. 

‘Whatever comes our way we’ll face it together,’ he promised.

You nodded and as another smile graced your face you softly repeated ‘together.’

[waterdeep-weavemoss]

Wistful

CW for Tav thinking about fertility troubles, even though she's childfree. I'm not sure who to tag for this one. Hurt/comfort.

Tav closed her eyes. Taking a moment, she noted the coolness of grass beneath her, tickling at her grounding hands; the sky above was pearly and about to rain. She could feel the storm on its breath, heavy and cold. Last night’s fire still hung in the air: lavender and sage smoke mixing with the drippings of venison fat that had hissed into the fire as Gale cooked a feast. Curling her fingers into the grass, she let the tangible melt away.

There is something wrong inside my body. Not the tadpole. Some empty space, a hollowed out feeling. She sat with her cane across her knees, its faint healing energy twining up her body. She began to cry softly, curling inward. In her mind’s eye, she saw a life she could’ve had, once. A little girl who looked like her, giggling breathlessly at sparkles trailing from Gale’s fingers, her eyes the same deep warm brown as his own.

‘You’ve been thinking about her a lot lately,’ said Gale softly, his comforting weight settling beside her. She looked up, startled. ‘Tadpole,’ he said, tapping his forehead. ‘Looks like we’re connected even when we try not to be.’

‘I don’t even want kids,’ said Tav, sniffling. Gale reached for her, brushing the tears from her cheeks gently. ‘I just get the sense that I was made wrong. That’s what I hate. Not having the choice.’

‘Seeing one path fade into the distance as you push on,’ he agreed. ‘I don’t want children either, honestly. It’s not something I ever factored in, especially not with my- our- life as it is at present.’ He took one of her hands, squeezing it in both his own. ‘I hate seeing you so sad. I just want so desperately to take you home to Waterdeep and spoil you like you deserve. You’ve been through so much. Your worth isn’t here,’ he said, laying a hand on her belly, ‘or here,’ he stroked her hair back from her forehead. ‘It’s not about what you can give. It’s about what you are, Tav. And you are truly, honestly, everything.’

The hollow feeling dissipated at his touch, some kind of magic she didn’t understand even as it made her feel whole again. ‘What do you want to do first? When we’re home?’

His eyes glinted mischievously. ‘Well… introduce you to the Temple of Beauty of course, for a spa day… week? Month?’ He kissed her nose. ‘And then I might cloister myself in my tower again. For worship of course.’ He winked and kissed her sweetly then, chasing all doubts and worries from her mind. ‘And then… I don’t know. We’ll figure it out after a few months. Is there a polite way to tell friends and colleagues you won’t see them for a while because I want you all to myself? You’ll need to do that. Dare I say it's essential. Don’t you ever doubt me, Tav. I want you. Nobody and nothing else, sweet as that distant dream may be. It’s only a dream. You’re the vision before me now and I couldn’t ask for better.’

‘You silly man,’ she said, tucking her head under Gale’s chin. ‘I can’t wait to go home and meet absolutely no-one until next spring. We deserve to enjoy time for a while. Undisturbed.’

‘Quite,’ Gale agreed, trailing his hands lightly over her ribs. ‘For now, we have this. Let’s make the most of it, hm?’