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jeonfiles · 3 years

Text

better left unsaid - jjk

genre: angst, rebounds

pairings: jungkook x reader (ft. namjoon)

warnings: arguing, alcohol, profanity, break ups, light smut, use of drugs, jungkook is a fucking dick, jungkook has major attachment issues, toxic relationships, oc cries a lot, namjoon has a heart of gold, unrequited love

synopsis: you knew you shouldnt have given him that second chance, not the third or the fourth either. no matter how much you try he always slithers his way underneath your sheets, arms wrapped around you.

word count: 2.7k

music: into your arms, so it ends?, you will fade, thinkin bout you, julia, my insecurities not yours, fuck u, goodluck, my dear i will think of you

note: uhh ive never written a y/n fic so bare with me, if u listen to the music you’ll be able to feel the story a lot more so yeah if u have time u should, not proof read

Light coming through the cracks of the blinds, making you squint your eyes when the daylight beams into your eyes, head resting on the kitchen island Looking up, you saw the clock ticking on the wall, 11:32 am.

You had stayed up till 5 am, waiting for him to come home, but seemingly, he never did. Reaching for your phone, you saw 4 missed calls from the one and only,

Jeon Jungkook, saved in your phone as “Koo <3″, Rows of messages too, all from the same contact.

Koo <3 [05:34 am]

baby pkck me up pleseee

im so wsated

Koo <3 [06.46am]

dont be mad at me jsut pick me up

i dont knw hewere the fuck i am

i love you

Koo <3 [07:31 am]

i got a rde home i’ll be home by 12

i need to talk to someone frsit

im sorry if i woke ypu dont be worried

You took a few moments to collect your thoughts, but there wasn’t much to collect. This whole thing, was a routine by now.

Standing up to make yourself a cup of coffee, you could literally not feel your own backside, you were so sore from the barstool you had been sitting on all night, and it made you groan in pain.

Two coffee cups right beside the kitchen sink, which you couldn’t bring yourself to clean up, because it was from the last time you had coffee together, which was 2 weeks ago.

The inside of the cup had a coffee crust at the top, and both your lip tint marks on the outside.

When you finish your cup of coffee while watching a bad telenovela, you go sit in your favorite chair and pull out a few books from the backpack hanging on the chair next to you, getting ready to get some studying done.

For a few seconds you imagine Jungkook hanging over your shoulder laughing at the way you write your A-s and R-s, or the way you always sign your homework at the bottom of the page.

And when you open them, there’s no one there. The only sound is from the refrigerator, making refrigerator noises.

You had met Jungkook 3 years ago, when you were at college orientation, senior year of high school. He also wanted to attend Yonsei, just like you.

And when he whispered to you about how bored he was, you couldn’t help but giggle, and then you got yelled at.

It was worth it though, because everyone was jealous of you afterwards,the Jeon Jungkook had talked to you.

Jungkook was an all-rounder as they called it; great physique, intelligent, charismatic and great at sports.

And god, he had a beautiful face, and such a filthy mouth, and it didn’t go long before you gave in to his seductive ways and slept with him. The morning after, he wasn’t in bed with you, and your heart sank.

Luckily, he was in the kitchen making you breakfast.

It was all bliss from there, showering you with love, gifts and kisses for two years, and you even ended up moving in together.

And now? You barely remember what he sounds like, smells like and is like.

A distant memory, just as distant as him.

Your train of thought was suddenly interrupted as you heard 3 knocks on your door. The exact same way he had always knocked when he had forgotten (or lost) his keys.

And even though you should have let him suffer a little, you rushed to the door to open it, and in front of you, was your biggest nightmare.

It was your love, crying his eyes out, bleeding from one of many cuts on his face, looking nearly dead. He collapsed into your arms, and you could only utter a few words, along the lines of:

“How could you do this to us?”

As he was laying curled up in a ball on the couch, face plastered up, ice bag on his knee, wrapped up in a blanket, you realized. this was your que to cry.

So, you did. You cried in silence, sitting across the room from him. You weren’t mad at him for coming home late, or getting in another fight, probably the 5th just these past months, you had gotten used to that by now.

There was a whole other reason that made you cry.

He smelled like Victorias Secret Bombshell, you recognized the scent because it used to be your favorite, however, now you’ve moved onto something less sweet, and more elegant, like Caroline Herrera.

He smelled like someone who wasn’t you, his girlfriend.

He smelled like another girl.

It didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. Maybe because the Jungkook that had come home to you that morning wasn’t your Jungkook.

Your Jungkook was varsity jackets, star of the american football team (which your school was known for), selfless and humorous, and he would always take care of you.

Your Jungkook was not ungroomed hair, cigarettes and worsening grades. He was not cold and lifeless, and he would never make you cry.

Despite this, you were carding your fingers though his hair, thumb wiping away the blood on his lips while he was sound asleep as you slowly fell asleep next to him.

Maybe it was time to let him go.

Maybe.

You woke a few hours later from your phone vibrating.

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:01 pm]

Hey Y/N! Have you started working on the statistics assignment?

If you haven’t, would you be interested in meeting at the library tomorrow? You’re really smart and i’m kinda struggling ://

You [07:03 pm]

i finished it yesterday, but if you buy me coffee i’ll come help you hehe

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:04 pm]

You’re the best, I’ll bring you a machiatto!! :D

Maybe it would be nice for you to get out of the house, even though you hate the thought of it, and you would much rather just swim in your own sorrow.

But you did go out the next day, and you helped Namjoon get a decent grade, enough to pass with good margines, he thanked you by taking you out for ramen at a convenial store not too far away.

You thanked him for the ramen with a trip to the museum, and he thanked you for the museum trip with a picnic in the park at night, which led you to crying over Jungkook in his embrace, telling him every single little detail.

He made you realize it was time to let Jungkook go and make room for new people to enter your life.

You went home that night, and you found Jungkook passed out on the couch, and you could genuienly feel your chest tighten. Soft features which stood out under the moonlight glow, disheveled brown locks which hung down in his eyes.

He was gorgeous, until you saw the credit card on the table next to three bottles of soju and an empty beer can on the floor. And you knew what he had used the credit card for, though you didn’t want to say it out loud.

You cleaned everything up, and you threw the residue of the white powder right in the trash can, and you recycled his bottles and cans before finally, nudging him to wake up.

“Jungkook, wake up.” You spat coldly, or at least you attempted to.

He groaned, rubbing his eyes before opening his eyes, and s huge smile on his face. “Y/N, you’re home!” He reached to kiss you, but you backed away.

“Y/N?” Jungkook questioned, he didn’t quite understand what your intentions were.

“Don’t try anything Jungkook. This was your last chance, and you fucked it up, again.” The room turned ice cold. “I’m getting you help Jungkook, you need help. And then...”

He understood what kind of help you meant, and since he had now sobered up, he agreed, nodding. “And then...?”

“And then.” Your words were ludged in your throat. “And then I’m leaving you.”

His whole face dropped, smile turned into the frowniest frown you had ever seen, and it was all silent before his lower lip starts trembling, and his eyes start turning glassy.

“It’s alright. Sorry for burdening you.” Was all he could say before tears rushed down his cheeks, and he started shaking.

So you did what you always had done, and you wrapped your arms around him, head resting on your chest as he sobbed.

“Is there anyone else?” he cried out before another wave of sobs hit him.

This exact question made your stomach hurt, and your throat burn. You really had no idea.

Or you did, but you didn’t want to.

You loved Jungkook so much, but you couldn’t be with him in this state. So you did what every rational person would do in this situation.

“Yeah.”

You lied.

“Oh ok. I don’t have the right to be mad do I?”

You shake your head no.

“I love you Y/N. I’m sorry I’m so messed up.”

“It’s ok.” was all he said before he fell asleep in your arms again.

That night you slither your way out of his embrace and you pack your suitcase in the dark, bringing all your essentials, trying to be as quiet as possible so you didn’t wake Jungkook.

Packing enough for two weeks or so, you make the bed and leave your t-shirt “accidentally” in the bathroom, and you make sure all his clothes are folded, and then you sort his pencil case, throwing out old pens and worn out erasers.

You leave a grocery list on the counter, and you tuck him in good under the blankets after you took his jeans and socks off so he could sleep comfortably.

You placed his vitamins and medicine by the refrigerator so he’ll see it when he goes to grab something to eat.

Puffed up pillows, a pair of sweatpants, t-shirt and underwear is now placed neatly on his bed. Then you walk into the kitchen again, and you see Jungkook still sound asleep, sniffling a little still.

There’s one last thing, and it makes you cry. It makes you sob so loud you cover your mouth and muffle the sound you make. Sinking to the floor, your whole body is in contact with the cold tiles.

Only a year ago you could never imagine yourself even shedding a single tear over something as small as this, but here you were, on the edge of a panic attack.

Two worn out, matching couple mugs still placed by the counter. one if the first things you two had bought together, as well as the necklace hanging around your neck.

Finally, you stopped crying and started cleaning the mugs, lip trembling as you dried them and placed them in the back of the cabinet.

You unhooked your necklace and laid it down on the counter, and the biggest lump formed in your throat.

Actually, there’s a little detail you forget.

You kiss Jungkook on the forehead and leave a note on the coffee table.

“Dear Jungkook,

If you want to make this up to me (this does not mean a new chance!!) you call the number at the bottom of the page. No matter what happens, I’ll always have room for you in my heart. You even have your own little VIP lobby in there. And - if it’s urgent, call. I still care for you, and I always have. You were the best boyfriend I’ve had, but good things always come to and end, don’t they? Anyways, I’m tired so this letter fucking sucks, but deep down you know how much I love you. Remember to get groceries, shower, get fresh air and study. If I forgot something you can keep it, as long as you call the number and tell them you’re my friend. They’ll help you love. Try and get a part time job too, your student loan and your dad’s money won’t last forever. Good luck Koo. Hwaiting!!

-L/N Y/N <33″

You cringe when you think of the letter’s contents, before you roll out your suitcase out of the front door, whispering a faint “Goodnight Love.” as you close and lock the door behind you.

Standing by the elevator, you cry again. This time, louder, but you still reach for your phone and type out a text to the newly edited contact in your phone.

You [02:13 am]

coming outside now, im a crying mess and im super cold, is your car heated?

sorry for making you wait btw :((

Joonie <3 [02:13 am]

dont worry about the crying part, i’ll hold you. and yeah car is heated, so waiting here wasnt all that bad. you ready for this?

You [02:14 am]

i have no idea but i cant stay here any longer and i trust you sooo

lets start our new chapter. eh?

4 months later...

He had been good to you, great even.

You had been on expensive dates, picnics, had heart to heart conversations, and he’d been so understanding.

Today, it was your 2 month anniversary, and he had asked you on a magnificent date, which he had planned every second of.

At the end of the day, you told him how you don’t love him. He said it was alright. Namjoon loved you, so much, yet he understood you needed time.

You went to sleep that day, warm in Namjoon’s embrace, wondering how Jungkook was doing.

You felt bad, but you missed Jungkook.

You were both with someone new now, and you knew he was in good hands with someone stable enough to care for him.

Before your eyes closed shut, you shed a few quiet tears and hoped that you’d fall in love with Namjoon soon, and deep down you knew you would.

#jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #namjoon smut #jungkook ff #bts ff #bts imagines #bts scenarios #namjoon ff #bangtan smut #jungkook #jeon jeongguk #jeongguk ff

328 notes · View notes

x-lulu · 4 years

Note

gurl 1-99 I dare you😄

haha no if that's too much just 1, 2, 24, 32, 77, 85, 95

well I finally answered them all babe, took me a week haha 💗

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? world away by tonight alive, you give love a bad name by bon jovi, amnesia by five seconds of summer, had enough by lower than atlantis, take it out on me by thousand foot krutch, if I could fly by one direction, I just named the first that popped in my head

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? YOU

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17? a wind came in off the harbour, bringing the smell of the sea

4: What do you think about most? I’m an overthinker with anxiety so yeah I think about everything a lot, so I wouldn’t know what I think about most

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? just an okay haha

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? with, an oversized shirt and underwear

7: What’s your strangest talent? latin maybe?

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) I don’t know rock? I’m not really the kind of person that puts a gender in things

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? uhm I don’t think so, now I feel unimportant haha

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? I’m more an using a hairbrush as a microphone kind of girl

11: Do you have any strange phobias? probably, I’m scared of a lot of things

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? don’t think so

13: What’s your religion? officially I’m Christian, I’m a bit searching for what I believe in tho, I do believe in jezus but not like walking on water and coming back from the death, I might believe in the Greek gods and nature gods

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? enjoying the fresh air, going for a walk/ride and look at cute animals

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? even if you kill me I don’t know what band to say

17: What was the last lie you told? I lied about not being sad

18: Do you believe in karma? I don’t know, sometimes, but like there are people who’ve done terrible things, where is their karma?

19: What does your URL mean? it’s just my nickname, I didn’t want to make it fandom related because I’m a multi fandom and I didn’t want to have to change my url a lot, I also didn’t want to put my real name because I don’t want people to find me who I know in real life haha

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? my insecurity is my greatest weakness I think, I don’t know my greatest strength... maybe being a person who people feel loved and welcome by? Idk if people feel that way and idk if it’s a strength. If I’m gonna be poetic I have to say my greatest weakness and strength are both that I love someone with my whole heart, when I start loving you, I love you so much, I would do anything for you, but when someone fucks up, I’ll still love them even tho they don’t deserve it, so that comes with a lot of pain so yeah a weakness and a strength

21: Who is your celebrity crush? rudy pankow and dylan obrien

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? yes

23: How do you vent your anger? I keep everything to myself till I explode and start screaming

24: Do you have a collection of anything? music records, stones and just memories from places I’ve been to

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? neither? If I’m comfortable I do enjoy video chatting especially in times like these where you can’t speak in real life

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? this is hard one, I’ve never been happy with who I am, I do like me better than who I used to be

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? sound I love is when you’re walking trough the woods just the birds, can’t think of one I hate, I definitely have some they just don’t come to mind rn

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? what if I keep going through and it doesn’t get better

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes/maybe

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. my laptop and my pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? flowers

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? xanten

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? uhm west coast? Idk haha

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? harry styles is the first one that pops in my head

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? to find love, can be someone something, experience things that make you happy, enjoy it, learn, better the world

36: Define Art. creating something, it can have a meaning but it also can’t, a lot of people give it a deep meaning, which can be it, I just think art doesn’t always have to be deep are spectacular it can be someone making something because they have so much going in their head and they find peace in creating art and get inspired by their own experience, people also can it just do for fun, there are so many different kind of art and artists, I don’t think it can’t be defined

37: Do you believe in luck? I don’t know

38: What’s the weather like right now? rainy

39: What time is it? 9:54 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? no licence

41: What was the last book you read? a fanfic on Wattpad fight or flight by ffsumth

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? yes 🙈

43: Do you have any nicknames? lu and lulu obviously, loesje , samantha, pinguïn, polar bear, you called me lulu bear hehe

44: What was the last film you saw? I don’t remember...

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? uhm ive broken a few things, my toes and my arm, but nothing really bad actually

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? no, I don’t want to, I have seen some really close, they’re beautiful

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? again you haha, but like all the stuff I post on here are my obsessions

48: What’s your sexual orientation? I don’t know, I think straight, but I don’t know for sure

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? yeah

50: Do you believe in magic? I’m not certain, maybe I do :) I do live by the saying ‘just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist’

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? sadly yes, like I won’t be mean to you or anything, but I will never ever trust you again, if I’m hurt I’m hurt and sadly I haven’t found a way yet to leave it behind, so I’m feeling a lot of pain and I’m never gonna forget that pain, so yeah...

52: What is your astrological sign? capricorn

53: Do you save money or spend it? uhm both? depends on how I feel and what time of the year it is, I have the bad habit to save it for a few months and then spend a lot of it

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? a apple pen so I can start trying digital art

55: Love or lust? love

56: In a relationship? with you hehe

57: How many relationships have you had? none official relationships, I’m just not lovable okay leave me alone haha

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no oops

59: Where were you yesterday? home, school, therapy

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? a pillow

61: Are you wearing socks right now? no

62: What’s your favourite animal? polar bears

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? no idea haha, I don’t have one

64: Where is your best friend? at home, like 20min away

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. this is hard so I’m just gonna name the first five that come in my head @nxsmss @rafej-cambanks @thegreatestofheck @chrlsgillespie @nedleed

66: What is your heritage? I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? sleeping, I had to get up early today

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? never thought about it

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? no

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Is it bad to say yes? I mean I hate myself but I do think I’m a good friend

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? save the dog obviously!!!!

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I think I would tell people, I’m not sure, but like so have people got the time to say goodbye the way they want to, I would travel the world I think, do everything on my bucket list, maybe some illegal stuff 🙈 (where no one gets hurt tho obviously), I don’t think I would be afraid... I mean I’m suicidal, I’ve literally been connected to death my whole life, if you understand what I mean

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. uhm trust I think? If I would have love but don’t have trust I wouldn’t really feel loved anyway, I do really want to experience how it feels like to be loved tho...

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? the first song that came to mind is love my life by Robbie Williams, I rarely listen to it, but the lyrics really gives a boost of happiness and confidence

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 51 54

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? loyalty and trust, you don’t have to agree on everything or be interested in the same things, you do have to be there for each other

77: How can I win your heart? YOU ALREADY HAVE

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? yes I think so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? to get dogs

80: What size shoes do you wear? uhm 38 eu, 4,5 uk and 7 us

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? a loving ... I hope to be a loving daughter, friend, wife and mother, someone who was always there for others

82: What is your favourite word? fuck haha, no idk but that is definitely a word I use a lot

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. pain....

84: What is a saying you say a lot? enjoy the little things

85: What’s the last song you listened to? ignorance by paramore

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? uhm I do love black, I also like pastels and like a turquoise kind of colour

87: What is your current desktop picture? me and my friend

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? no one, there are a lot of people who did wrong, the need to be in jail, but I’m not saying someone deserves to die

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? what goes on in my head, how I’m feeling

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? scream probably haha

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? teleportation, I would travel the world haha

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? when I was in Ireland by the cliffs of moher

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? uhm this is a hard one, maybe seeing my father almost dying? (he is okay btw, we were lucky), I’ve had nightmares and anxiety ever since

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? I find this so weird to say for some reason... if I have to give a name it would be harry styles I think, because damn look at that man, but I don’t know, I would rather be friends with him than sleep with him tbh, I know you can do both haha, but idk I’m not like yes I want to sleep with him haha, I think I’ve read too many fanfics about him that I would find it awkward

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? ice land or canada

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? don’t think so, not close ones anyway

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? no, I got out in time haha

98: Ever been on a plane? yes, when I went on a trip to georgia in west asia

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? you’re all ignorant assholes haha, no idk what I would say, there are a lot of good people on this world I know, but man there is some fucked up shit, so maybe I would educate some people or it would have something to do with mental health, maybe about loving yourself or that it’s not a sign of weakness and that we should be treated as equals to physical pain, we should be taken seriously... I don’t really know, there are so many things haha

#asks #lara #games

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heyyylittlemo · 4 years

Note

You have worked hard this week, have a cookie 🤲🏼🍪😁😘

Awhhhah that made me day you’re so sweet :,D like H o n e s t l y I have had a rough week and I’ve been feeling down I can’t believe the niceness 🥺 like how did u k n o w

Real quick I need 2 rant abt—(feel free to ignore) some things on my noggin.

**Trigger warning** : Talk ahead of bigots not understanding Trans people, lgbt+ and other races

Idek where to start but...over the past few months I’ve made an amazing friend. At first, it being the south and her being a part of a culture that is known to be anti-lgbt and knowing how others around her talked I always assumed she was homophobic??

I know I shouldn’t assume, but here it’s a gamble. There’s actually a lot of racism, a lot of homophobia,etc. I’ll get into it later

So when she wasn’t and turned out to be really open we had some amazing talks and she was like the only person at my work who knew about my sexual orientation. Helped me feel welcome. Released a lot of tension.

One night it came to her when speaking to me that she should stop trying on/off with her ex(he’s controlling/cheats) and that she deserved better to be happy not with someone who caused her this damage. So she was so grateful for my advice.

But now she’s moving out of state to be with him...and soon my other friend(who was like a grandpa to me—this is very important because I don’t have a prominent connection with either of my grandads) is saying in a few months he plans to leave the country and am just assuming there’s going to be a lot of changes and that I’m going to be feeling so alone :,D not to mention, I feel so backstabbed that’s after all the advice and how much she seemed to be looking forward to being without him, she’s turned against her word and her best interest and went back anyway...I mean, I just want the best for her and she made the descision to move so fast I can’t see it ending well :(

And then in the midst of this there’s this coworker who I looked up to as a sort of mother figure type and she’s saying these homophobic things about how she doesn’t like this one singer cause he’s “gay” and mocking gay behavior all of a sudden :,D I thought she was going to be open minded but...I was wrong.

Then yesterday I hear that there’s been a shooting in a nearby town. Maybe 30-40 minutes away. Someone killed an innocent black man here. And now they’ve shut that whole town down and supposedly there’s a lot of KKK members around there and also in this other town... like legit there was a hotline for it back in the 90s that would spam call people living there. My mom grew up there and she said she saw a mass of them walking the streets a few times when she was little and that her neighbor was the dragon aka head of it. Now I’m paranoid that more shooting will happen and that there’s a lot of them who’ve passed on their ignorance over the years and that there’s even more than before they’re just hiding. I’m just thinking damn it could be anyone 🤮

To top it all off, I overheard a table who was having a bday party(which I honestly think it’s a weird conversation topic at a birthday party) but talking about trans people. At first they were complaining about having to wear masks (go figure). Anyways, This woman was like “it’s so fucked this world we have so many men turning into women now. They get their d***k and chop it up and sew it into this fake thing and it looks so w r o n g.” After that I just had to carry myself away cuz it pissed me off so bad like wtf there were children at that table too I feel really bad because they’ll probably grow up thinking that shit too 😔 and it ruined my night because I was already having to work a double shift to make up for this one dude who hasn’t been showing up.

So yeah...it’s a mess and it’s complicated. I don’t think I’ve ever in my life had such a pile of ignorance and intolerance come by all at once and so horrible too. I hate how so many people just can’t be decent human beings, how hard is it to not be homophobic, racist, or transphobic?? Any why now is it getting worse? What’s going on? Has anyone else experienced this lately? It’s crazy 😢

Anyways, sorry for my always long ass posts but I just needed to get this off my brain. Everyone have a safe day and remember to love others. Thanks @seiji-amasawa for the pick me up!! I really needed it ☺️

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hoseokslefteyebrow · 5 years

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The Baby Project || M.YG || 7

Pairing : Min Yoongi X Reader

Genre : Fluff

Summary : What happens when you and Yoongi are supposed to take care of a baby for a month?

The Baby Project Masterlist | Next

Taglist :

@joyful-jimin

A/N : So I originally wanted to create a chapter with just Yoongi and the reader but ya'll seem to enjoy to have Yoongi, reader and kid in one so I'll be doing that instead. Besides, we still have quite a few chapters to go so I suppose there will be enough time for Yoongi and the reader ;)

" Yoongii, I'm bored." You whined as you entered the room.

" Do I look like an entertainer to you? Go bother someone else." He said, not looking away from the screen in front of him.

" Fine, I'll go see if Jin has something to do." You mumbled as you turned around and walked into the livingroom.

" On second tough, let's go watch a movie." Yoongi said as he turned you back around as you were already by the door.

You smiled at him.

" Let's watch Bambi 2." You smiled as you both sat down on the couch.

" What? No. Let's watch something else."He said as you both started a small argument.

Which ended just as quick as your phone went off.

" Hello?" You asked as you picked up, not knowing who had called you.

" Hello Y/N. I know that you and Yoongi have a free weekend, but I'd like to inform you two about the child that would be coming monday." Your teacher said.

" Oh, uh alright. Would you like to come over or talk on the phone?" You asked her.

" I'd like to come over actually, are you two free and in the apartment right now?" She asked.

" Yes, we're free." You answerd.

" Good, I'll be there in a minute." She said before abruptly hanging up.

" Who called?" Yoongi asked, still looking at movies.

" Our teacher. She wanted to explain something about the child coming monday, so she's coming over to tell us." You shrugged.

" But Y/N, we were busy.~" He whined, slumping down on the couch.

" You're like one of the most unproductive people I know Yoongi, besides all we did so far was whine over movies. Our teacher will explain some things about the kid that'd be arriving monday." You told him.

He was about to complain again when the doorbell rung.

" Hello miss, come in. Would you like a drink?" You asked as you opened the door.

She shook her head before smiling at you.

" No thank you, I'll just explain and leave again, let you two enjoy the rest of the weekend." She said.

" Alright. Come on in. Sorry for the mess by the way, we weren't expecting anyone over." You said as you let her in, tough it was kind of a lie, your apartment wasn't a mess.

" This is honestly the cleanest apartment I've seen so far." She said as she took her shoes off before walking in the livingroom.

" Thank you." You said before sitting down on one of the two couches.

" Hello Yoongi." She greeted the boy, who nodded in response.

" I have to admit that I am quite pleased and suprised at your grades. Tough I will have to lower your grade by a whole point Yoongi, because you didn't help Y/N in the first week or two." She said as Yoongi nodded, not really giving a response.

He had forgotten the fact that this project was just for a grade. When he was with you and Naeun, he truly felt like he had a family. It wasn't that he didn't have one, but his family was rich and more business orientated.

" Alright so for the next part of the project, you two will have a child by the nane of Jaehyun. He's five years old and a little shy but otherwise I tough he was pretty okay. However, I have gotten the documents of him yesterday and tough It would be better to inform you beforehand. The main problem is that I had no idea on who I could put him with, because he's quite energetic and won't listen to any of the adults, in fact, I tough about not taking him in at all, and just letting him stay within the orphanage. He's also 'returned' a lot, because he wouldn't listen or whatsoever. You two have the highest grades of the first part of the project, and I've heard that Naeun was quite difficult too until she was in your arms Y/N, so I hoped that this would also work for Jaehyun. These are his files." She explained as she handed you a map, Yoongi moving over to look at it over your shoulder.

Your teacher smiled as she saw Yoongi's action, knowing that he was a bit of a distant person.

" If I'm honest miss, I think this will go smoothly." Yoongi said.

The teacher raised her brow.

" Oh, and why's that?" She asked.

" Because we managed our whining baby too, besides Y/N has some kind of magical touch or something. We'll be fine." He huffed.

" Alright then, if you say so. I'll be going now, I have a few other students to inform too." She said as Yoongi and you nodded, eyes scanning over the file.

" You really think we're responsible enough for this?" You asked Yoongi as she left, uncertainty in your voice.

" Hey, don't doubt yourself, we managed a baby, and they're awake at night. We'll be okay." He smiled at you.

" Alright if you say so." You smiled back at him.

" Uh huh, I'm a genius, don't worry. Now let's watch Bambi." He said as he turned on the tv, which was displaying Bambi 2's intro already.

You looked at it with a suprised expression, you don't remember putting the movie on.

" I put it on while you welcomed our teacher in." Yoongi smirked as he threw an arm over your shoulder and pulled you into his embrace, allowing you to cuddle up to him.

Bonus:👀

" Why are you crying?" Yoongi asked you as he felt water dripping onto his shirt.

" Bambi lost his mother! That's just so ssd, can you even imagine-"

" Okay, you know what let's watch another movie now."

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dailyaudiobible · 4 years

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09/13/2020 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 12:1-14:32, 2 Corinthians 13:1-14, Psalms 57:1-11, Proverbs 23:9-11

Today is the 13th day of September welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it is great to be here with you as we reach the…the threshold of a shiny, sparkly, new week. We only get to do this 52 times in a year, and this is one of those times, but 52 times a year we get to imagine ourselves walking forward into our future. We are right here, right now and there is a week in front of us and it's ours, it's a gift, it's ours. We get to write the story of our lives upon this week and we get to choose what that's gonna look like. We can just wander into it aimlessly and be tossed about, like we just stepped out of last week and jumped into a washing machine on spin cycle or we can orient ourselves to God each day and walk with confidence into this week, knowing who we are and knowing where we’re going. And let's choose the latter. Let’s do the…let's do the latter thing that I just said. Let's walk into this week with confidence together and allow the Scriptures to inform our choices and decisions and postures of heart in the coming days including today. So, we got a brand-new. We’re gonna read from the English Standard Version this week and we will pick up in the book of Isaiah where we left off yesterday. Isaiah chapters 12, 13, and 14.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for a new week. We enter this new week with…with a grateful heart. And even as we have now concluded the book of second Corinthians and look forward into the new week moving into some new territory in the New Testament, we are grateful. We see that we are progressing. And we are not only progressing through the Bible, this big thick ancient book, the Bible is making us progress forward in our lives, our Spirits are being renewed, we are being sanctified, we are being set apart as holy. This is remarkable and we are grateful. And, so, we thank You. We look forward to all that You will speak to us in the coming days of this week. Well up from within Holy Spirit. May we become more and more aware of Your constant presence in our lives. We pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it's where the Global Campfire burns. It's the heart of our community here. And, so, check it out.

Check out the Community section. That's where the Prayer Wall is. All of this can be accessed from within the Daily Audio Bible by the…by pushing the little Drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner. There’s always someone to pray for at Prayer Wall and there's always somebody praying. And, so, maybe you need prayer. Maybe you can extend yourself in prayer. But there's always a way to reach out there. So, check that out.

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And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Lord we lift up Your children who are burdened with feelings of shame and condemnation. We thank You Lord that You do not condemn us or shame us. Convict us, yes, because You want to encourage us to turn away from sin and toward You. But shame and condemnation are chains the enemy designed to mobilize us and hinder Your work. Help us and our brothers and sisters in Christ who are bound by chains of shame and condemnation to raise our fettered hands for You and allow You to remove our shackles. Lead us to verses in Your word that affirm Your forgiveness for all confessed sins. Remind us that You have cast those confessed sins as far as the east is from the west encouraging us that just as east and west never meet so our confessed sins are cast forever out of Your presence. Give us Your strength to leave those sins at the cross and to walk in the newness of life that Jesus purchased for us. Thank You, Lord that there’s no sin You cannot forgive, no sinner that You cannot save, no chain that You cannot break. Thank You that when the enemy whispers an invitation to walk back through the valley of shame and condemnation, we can answer him as it is written - I will forgive their iniquity and I will remember their sin no more. Thank You that no matter how many times we fall into that valley Your help to escape it is only a prayer away. Thank You, Lord that no matter how many times we give up on ourselves You never do. Free us Lord so that we can use what You’ve done for us to lead others to that same freedom that You have given us. Help us Lord to empty our hands of all that hinder us so that You can fill them with Your word, Your worship and Your work. I ask all these things or something even better in the mighty name of Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. Amen.

Hey, everyone this is Valerie from Arizona calling again. I just left a message a couple of days ago I was feeling pretty down about my difficulties for me and my husband dealing with infertility. And as some of you guys may remember I have been living in the past as I’ve been saying, listening to the DAB entries from the beginning…the beginning of the year on and something just really, really incredible happened. So, I’m not caught up to date. So, I’m not listening to the current prayer requests or anything but I just felt so moved to call in last week when I was feeling down and I thought, you know, even if I don’t hear these until I make it to September then then I think I’ll still feel better knowing that maybe people out there are praying. So, something really cool happened. I’m painting this weekend, I’m working on projects and I’m blasting through all the entries and on April 19th someone named Hopeful called in and her message, it’s like it was for me in that moment and it was about how you can be thankful for things in your life even if maybe motherhood isn’t happening when you want it to happen. And I just felt so amazed and overwhelmed by that, that here I am listening to all these past entries and God still finds a way to connect me with somebody for the problem I was having this weekend, feeling down. So, God’s amazing, I’m just so thankful I found this app and this community, and I just had to come on and give a little praise report. And I’m out of time so I’ll talk to you guys soon. Praise Jesus. O…I just love it.

Hey fellow DABbers this is Joe the Protector from Georgia September 9th here 7:58 in the morning. Just got finished listening to the 9th day of the DAB and I’m calling in reference to Joe the new listener who called in. And Joe I just want you to know that we do have your back spiritually and that we are in prayer with you and that this fight that we fight daily…daily. It’s a spiritual battle. We fight a daily spiritual battle. It’s not a weekly or a monthly or even a yearly battle as the Israelites did when…when they had to go sacrifice once a year but this is a daily battle that we have to come to God and sacrifice what’s going on in our life. So, Joe I want you to know that just stay firm, be courageous and bold. Don’t give in to the enemy’s tactics because that’s what this is, is one of the enemy’s tactics. And God has not promised us a life of ease but of hardship. It says it in His word that this is a...this path that we take is a life of hardship at times. So, Joe we’ve got your back and I totally get and understand what you’re going through. I’ve had it happen in my home as well and not…maybe to the severity you have it, but I do have it. So, just…just take a stand, just right now in your mind just take that stand. All right fellow DABbers. Love you all. Be safe. See y’all next time.

Hey all, this is the Midwest teacher I hope you’re having a blessed day. This message is for Sonny from Florida. Sonny I know exactly what you’re going through. Last year three months before my husband and I’s three-year anniversary he was diagnosed with leukemia. And we definitely expected trials in our marriage but that was not one that we foresaw. And I…I just…I get it and it is so difficult and I can’t imagine going through it our first year of marriage. But I do have a verse that I highlighted shortly after he got diagnosed and I would love to read that to you. But please know that I am praying for you. A lot of us are praying for you. Don’t let the devil get inside your head or your wife’s head. Here’s that verse. It’s Psalm 18:16 through 18. He reached down from on high and took hold of me. He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes who are too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. Just know that we’re thinking of you and praying for you and don’t hesitate to call in and give us updates or more prayer request because we are here for you. We are here for you. Thank you. Bye.

Good morning Daily…Daily Audio Bible family it’s Susan from Canada, God’s Yellow…God’s Yellow Flower calling. I’ve been listening daily and praying daily for each and every one of you and my heart just breaks over each and every one of your prayer requests. It’s just so distressing that I want you to know that I do pray along with you guys will and I love you all and you move me deeply with your tears and your…and your troubles. And I want to pray for Joe the new listener, welcome Joe to the family. We’re glad to have you and we pray that we can support you in your walk. And, so, let’s pray. Dear heavenly Father I just ask that You be with Joe and strengthen him and give him wisdom during this time of attack on his family and his home. I pray Holy Spirit that You would just fill his home, every corner of his home, that everyone there will know that You are God and that no evil can enter. Dear Lord I come against the powers of Satan that are trying to bring this home down, bring this family down and I just ask dear God that Your You send Your angels with a burning fire to just eliminate Satan from that home, just to hold…uphold Joe with Your righteous right hand and give him the strength he needs to overcome and to empower his family with truth. In Jesus’ precious and holy name, I pray.

__ gosh I want to cry. Hold me together Lord. I just need some prayer. My sisters daughter has been killed in a car accident yesterday and she leaves behind a daughter and a husband and a sister and her brother and mother and two fathers. __ if we can have prayer all around from everybody and having everyone connected. We are __ this prayer line opportunity __. Bye.

This is my first-time calling in. I was looking at pictures on Facebook tonight of the country where I’ve been a missionary. My name is Jeannie and that is…the name of the country is Niger Republic. There’s a terrible flood going on there and there are hundreds of people in the capital city of Niamey that are without any place to sleep, they’re without close, they’re without food, they’ve lost everything. So, please pray for them. Pray that sons come in to help many people and that this is an…this will become a glorious opportunity for many Muslim people in that country to come to know that there’s a Savior named Jesus who loves them and who wants them to be in relationship with Him. Thanks everybody.

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id-on-parade · 4 years

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A New Day

This will probably be a pretty long post. I’m gonna put the positives at the front, then i’m gonna exorcise some demons from my mind. This exorcism is to remove them from my head, not to put them into someone else’s, so i’ll go ahead and put an end to positives notice, and i guess read on at your own risk.

I am currently waiting on a list of approved Mental Health care providers in my area from my insurance company, I’ve just gotten off the phone with them and they said they would send it to me and I should pick one. After picking one and confirming they are accepting patients I should call the insurance folks back to get approval for a number of appointments. They close at five, so hopefully I’ll get the list soon so i can get this rolling - hopefully i’ll get this sorted today. Its funny that I feel this sense of almost giving up on doing it myself, this outdated cultural stigma at the same time that I feel a strong sense of hope that this will be a turning point in my mental health. I look back and wonder with a decent sense of awe how different my life might have been had I received mental health care as a teen when this all started.

I had a pretty heavy depressive episode yesterday, and am happy to report that today feels more like my standard levels of depression, i’m me again today - the me that most know, not the me that’s falling and can’t seem to catch hold. this information that today is a new day, i’ve survived, and the pit appears to have closed is the end of the positives for this post. here on in will be an unloading of a very stressful and difficult week, read on if you wish, but i gotta get these demons out somewhere, so here they go.

I guess i should start at the start. I returned this last week from a week of sick leave wherein I had some Covid symptoms, my wife had some Covid symptoms and at the start of that sick week, that was majorly stressful. I got tested, nasal swab, x-ray, and found to be negative for covid, or pneumonia. my wife’s insurance, however, had her do an online appointment, she answered some questions, the internet told her it was likely viral sinusitis, and wrote her a note to take the week off as well, no seeing a doctor, no actual tests. now, luckily, we both seem to have gotten better over that week - but boy was that frustrating.

When I returned to work, my boss and I had a bit of a disagreement about what a sick note through Saturday meant, he thought i should have come in Saturday, I thought i shouldn't. I even called Saturday and someone over the phone told me i was not scheduled Saturday. at the end of the conversation he had basically made it seem like i was dumb for thinking about it the way i did, that it didn’t matter about the call on Saturday, and that i might get in trouble. then he said “so, for next time, you know - come in on the day that’s listed.” So far, no trouble has come down the pipeline about that, but he’s been much less jovial with me of late.

That’s probably a decent bit of paranoia, we’ve all been less jovial of late, at my work. Providing mental health care to inpatient teens is hard. there’s a lot of secondhand trauma. (more on that later) there’s a lot of firsthand trauma. (more on that later). These kids are quite ill, and they are trying so hard, often put up against a life that’s honestly too difficult for even most adults, my whole heart goes to them. Right now, With the pandemic, and the rioting, they have more stress than ever, and less access to their loved ones, and anyone who knows anything about mental illness, knows what that means for their mental health. And with all of our patients having suddenly much worse mental health it means not only that my coworkers and I are dealing with more unsafe situations, and absorbing more trauma, but on the back-end we’re watching these kids backslide through months of progress, and sometimes that’s so heartbreaking. It’s normal, to backslide, and it doesn’t mean anything negative about the kids, but it doesn’t make it less heartbreaking. so yeah, coworkers are all in their stressed out, panic, survival modes, and its pretty visible right now - which means sometimes we are not as awesome to each other as we could be.

One of my coworkers was especially not awesome, to himself, this week. I really looked up to this guy. takes heart to be openly flamboyantly queer with these kids, and he was, and he was always honest with them as far as accountability, a real no-sugar-coating type guy. when things got rough, it wasn’t unusual to hear him say “look at your life, look at your choices” to these kids, where other staff might handhold, and walk them through an analysis of what they’d been doing. Well, this week he must have finally snapped from the stress, as about 5 cop cars and a firetruck arrived at the neighboring cottage to retrieve him from the bathroom, where he had sequestered himself to huff aerosol mid shift. He won’t be returning, and he was damn good at this. he’ll be missed, and I hope away from the job he can recover.

Stream of consciousness, this brings us to kids and trauma. To avoid trauma, as the kids also care about that coworker, I ushered the kids I was outside with into the building. well, all but one. This is a fairly new patient, AFAB NB, spent a long time homeless before coming to us, family ain’t about the identity. As the cops rolled up, they were hurling insults, flipping them off, and generally saying things that I had to remind them to watch their language for. not that i reminded them very loud, because honestly, mood. But then they got silent as the cops sent to work, and they got real still. they stopped responding to me, and that was when i decided to walk around in front of them and force eye contact. they were on the verge of tears. I said “They aren’t here for you, you’re safe here, let’s go inside - it isn’t helping you to watch this.” they said It’s just --- the last time I saw the Cops they were hauling away my boyfriend”. - “that is extremely traumatic, if you come inside with me we can work on some coping, and help you to get the thoughts out, will you come inside with me?” -- “I wan’t to, But I just Can’t, I Can’t Make Myself.” - “Can you take my arm and we’ll walk together?” --”NO! I Can’t Have Anyone Touch Me Right Now, PLEASE” - “Absolutely, you’re safe here, how about if we take it slow, and I walk beside you instead?” -- “o-okay” it took us roughly 5 minutes to walk the 20 steps to the door. Once inside, they wept in a ball for some time, before beginning to work on coping skills with me. In processing, they let me know they were having such trouble because the boyfriend they were remembering had been very abusive, and the cops were hauling him off because of the beatings he had heaped upon them. that they hated the cops because they thought they loved him at the time, even though they now know he was not good for them, but knowing that hadn’t made them hate the cops less. And that seeing the cops had put their mind firmly into memories of being abused, and that they were having trouble breaking free of that thought trap. eventually we were able to get them involved in group activities and somewhat distracted, at least.

There’s a kid who reminds me of me as a teen, he’s depressed, and angry. unlike me as a teen he’s also very slow to process, and to avoid falling behind when he fails to process things he either makes cruel jokes, or explodes with anger. His dog is dying. His family barely sees him normally, but with the virus they don’t do much at all. His only contact is family therapy, and when he remembers to call them. he often doesn’t remember to call them until after phone time is over. then he wants to scream and shout and tear everything apart when he doesn’t get to make the call. This story though, is about a day he did remember to call. And his family let him know about the riots, all across the country. He’s trying hard to understand, but he doesn’t. He thinks, his being here, after drug and assault charges, has something to do with whats going on out there. that maybe his case is also unjust. but he also knows he needs this care. but he also sees himself backsliding and feels hopeless about progress, due to the depression. This is when he decides to try to recruit his peers to escape with him. All of his peers, to their credit, stayed the fuck out of it. but it did mean convincing him of the value of treatment, and the potential risk of breaking down a door - while he was trying to break down a door. he’s one of the few that I honestly don’t know, if i’m alone with him and he swings on me, if i could defend myself well enough until support arrived. he didn’t that day. but boy was that A Lot Of Stress.

The kid who has assaulted the most staff and peers, physically, verbally, sexually. started a plan that had him out of Low Stim and with peers in Close Attention this week, because we were receiving a new kid this week, at six foot, straight from juvie, a known fighter, and an off-meds psychopath. and, even though Low Stim has 2 rooms, we’re trying to get sexually assaultive kid out of there so there isn't risk in the dual occupancy. i’ll talk about new kid later, for now lets talk about the more long term patient. this patient has trouble with building relationships, an echo of the abuse he experienced in younger life, frequently he gets sexually explicit, physically assaultive and perhaps fecally oriented while doing so, especially when he is worried about relationships, or feels “too silly”. the trouble being of course, our counseling works best when we build strong relationships with patients, and even regular jokes can push him into the “too silly” category. He did well for the first bit. after about three days the back to back escalations began. a peer told a joke, he laughed too much, the staff pulled all the other kids inside and away from him to protect them. he whipped out his dick, pissed all over the place, tried showing it to staff, then began throwing sidewalk chalk everywhere, windows, doors, the roof, towards other buildings, whatnot. when the support staff arrived and 12 of us asked him to proceed to a quiet room, he did so of his own volition, rather than us taking him, and due to that, my coworker did not lock him there. no sooner had the extra staff gone than he came out banging around.we went hands on and locked him there. at the end of an hour and a half, my coworker deemed he had calmed enough to rejoin his peers. no sooner had he made his way back into the milieu than he began trying to hug and grope various staff.we again hauled him into a quiet room and locked him there. as the shift neared its end, we called security and had them help us get him back to his room in the LSA, not wanting to leave night shift with a kid in a QR. once back there, he tried to show staff his dick, again, and eventually settled into refusing to go to his room, when it was clear staff wouldn’t interact with him anymore for the night and expected him to go to bed, he went in his room, drug his mattress to being half down in the doorway, looked at me and said “is this in my room enough?” before laying down to try to sleep. he was scared, after everything he didnt want to be alone, and would rather not follow directions and potentially be in trouble, than be by himself in his room. I let him stay there. More of the same throughout the following day, and the day after that is when his story intersects with new kids in just about the most traumatic way.

New kid is over six feet, muscular, dead eyed, and arrived wearing a juvie orange jumper which he refuses to change from. developmentally, it is hard to distinguish this mustachioed individual from a fully grown man. in all of his dealings with staff, he was robotically polite. out of staffs sight he could be heard screaming angrilly, wailing in dispair, cursing out people who aren’t there, and then pleading “ oh no, no no no, NO NO NO NO” like you would expect to hear from a prone person while someone with a bloody knife walked towards them. I know because for a lot of the week i sat and listened to this. i listened to him strike himself after the pleading as well. and while I personally was not threatened in any way by his actions, it was still extremely stressful and distressing. Throughout the week, whenever the longer term patient overheard these things, he would should “would you stop, damn” to the new kid, and less polite versions. I tried to remind the long term patient that everyone struggled with different things, and that it would be better to ignore his peer, or at least make politer requests. no such luck. it seemed, throughout the week as though new kid simply did not hear long term patient.he proved that wrong on saturday afternoon, when he marched out of his room and began wailing on long term patient. after long term patient fell, new patient grabbed him by the hair and pulled him into a room, where the beating could be heard to continue. By the time we had enough staff to safely go in, new kid was standing one foot on long term kids throat, looking him in the eyes and repeating “i’m going to kill you” but, dispassionately.

I think thats it for work stress, I covered viral stress earlier. I am stressed by the riots. it makes me profoundly sad that it must come to this, but i also find myself firmly believe it HAD to come to this. that this rioting is righteous, and the only road to social change. I’ve been a punk since I was a teen, and I feel like i should do more for this movement, but honestly all of my energy is being spent keeping me going and treating these kids.

My depression has picked my relationship with bestie to fixate on in these trying times, and I fear I may have damaged that relationship because of it this weekend. bestie has just started a new schedule which is excellent for her. I’m so happy that she is now on a schedule that works for her needs, and will allow a healthy amount of sleep, and time at home, and for her to sleep close to the hours she’d prefer to be sleeping. I had been very lucky in that her last schedule was very close to my own schedule, and so our time at home nearly entirely overlapped. she chose to spend a number of mornings, and late evenings after the rest of the house just hanging out, her and I, and I absolutely love that time. I don’t want to sound entitled to it, at all. it is a gift she gives to me, that I am so happy to receive and which i am so glad she wants to give to me. With the new schedule she will have to leave early enough that the morning hangouts will not be an option, and because of this likely ought to go to bed early enough that the hangouts while the house slumbers aren’t a healthy choice. My depression tried hard to have me believing that this meant those times were just gone. After work saturday, bestie and wifey were listening to an excellent, but extremely despairing/sad audio drama.It was very enjoyable. It was probably not a mentally healthy choice for me to partake in that, and had I requested a different hangouts activity, they might have been a little sad, but probably would have swapped. instead, rather than be an even minor inconvenience I joined because i wanted the hangouts, and had a great time listening to a great story and felt like while the despair was growing in me, in resonance with the story, i’d sleep on it and it’d be alright sunday. I woke up sunday honestly too depressed to get out of bed. just laying in spiral. I asked bestie to join us in bed, when i heard her going to get her phone charger, hoping extra cuddles would help me get through, i don’t know why i couldn’t ask for what I wanted, I had the opportunity and I’m sure it would have been fine, now, in hindsight. I felt like at the time I was so certain something would go wrong. eventually everyone came to the bed and there was a semi-cudllepuddle. people didn't want to fall back asleep, it makes sense not to full cuddle puddle for that. as people set in on their various phone activities I started to get that feeling like i wasn’t part of what was happening (despite being there. I know, I don’t know why, but when the depression gets going it gets harder to fight.) and rather than grab my phone and to the separate activities together thing I just withdrew. i recall someone commenting on it, and I thought i said something confirmatory about it. The blondes (wifey and besties husband) went to the store, and I could tell bestie might fall asleep, so i tried to get her to stay awake, she needed to for the new schedule. in interacting i’d asked to hold her hand, and she observed i was sad to relinquish it when she wanted it back. admitting that made me sad, led to just an outpouring of all of this stuff sans work stuff. and the worry about time to spend. I shouldn’t have dumped all of that on her, she didn’t consent to listening to that, and she certainly had a stressful enough time. I hate that when I’m in the throws of this damn disease I can’t seem to stop this. I don’t want to hurt the people I love. I don’t want to push them away. She reminded me I ought to go to therapy. I worry I may have offended her by talking about worrying about time we’d get to spend together. That voice in my brain is trying to convince me that her response means that those times mean so much more to me than to her. thats a damn lie. its a damn lie and it needs to get out. I’m exorcising it with the lot.

I’ve just received the list. I’m ending this here, and moving forward with that productive enterprise

#depression #Work Stress #bestie #wifey #therapy #Begone Demons

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hellsparadiseessays · 5 years

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Aza Brothers Week - Day 5

I released that essay on r/Jigokuraku back in early July, about one month after the infamous chapter 56 got out. It wasn’t a fun topic to tackle, so as a result I’m leaving the warning I put at the start of the essay before the cut. Because chapter 56 was not ok. Though keep in mind that I’m not mad at UG for it - quite the contrary, his intent is clearly not to make the chapter sexy. However, I heavily suspected the fandom to not find it as obvious because well, we have our own cultural issues. And considering how this essay has been received, and the stuff I noticed even in the Japanese side of the fandom... Well, this essay is in my opinion much needed to explain why chapter 56 is more brutal that it seems. It’s also a good follow-up on yesterday’s post, which stopped at chapter 55.

Warning : This thread will contain references to rape, so if the topic is sensitive to you, I suggest you avoid reading it. This thread will contain spoilers for the most recent chapters as well, so read it once you’re up to date with the manga to avoid being spoiled and know what I am talking about.

Chapter 56 - A commentary on power and powerlessness

I have been keeping it to myself (and occasionally kinda raged about it on Discord join us) ever since chapter 56 was released, back in April. I’ll be honest with you, despite me joking with everybody else on Discord, that chapter really hit a personal chord and I had a hard time working on this commentary because of that. Let’s just say I regularly had to stop and come back to it a few days later, once I got my head cool again and my brain fully functional – I didn’t want my emotions to get in the way of the analysis.

Here we are now, ready to tackle a difficult topic: the borderline rape of Chôbe by Rien. And I say “borderline”, only because it was Chôbe who successfully did his Chôbe thing. He remains in a dangerous position, one I certainly don’t envy, and one that he himself strongly dislikes.

This commentary will be divided into three parts: firstly, the use of rape as a comedic device in mainstream media and how it trivialises a situation that, in fact, has dramatic consequences. Then, we’ll study Rien has a character through his past and present actions, to establish the nature of his interactions and the way he perceives himself. Finally, we’ll address Chôbe’s reactions while facing danger, and how he deals with his emotions.

I. Rape as a comedic tool

One of the many reasons why this chapter makes me uncomfortable is my personal fear for jokes made about that sort of situation. Why, you may rightfully ask? Because it is very much present in mainstream media, be it in Japan or in Western countries. Considering Reddit is mostly Western-oriented, I chose to pick a reference that focuses on rape in Western media to build my argument around, and I strongly suggest you to watch the video before you continue with this commentary. “Sexual assault of men played for laughs”, by Jonathan McIntosh from the Youtube channel Pop Culture Detective, thoroughly explores the issue through the lens of North American media, which have an area of influence that goes way beyond North America itself – especially with the massive worldwide use of internet. While not all the items of this video fit with the commentary at hand, it nonetheless points out an especially interesting argument: the man who failed to be a man – the one perceived as in control of the situation -, is subjected to various mockeries because it’s fair after all, he wasn’t really being a man when it happened, so he failed as a person.

I think we could even see this issue as a double insult to both men and women with that issue: 1) women can’t be in control because it’s not their role, 2) men who aren’t in control are perceived as emasculated, and thus the jeering is entirely justified because how dare they consider themselves men, right? Basically, this sort of joke is based on a perception of power and who is supposed to hold it. And power is what sexual assault is about. It’s not about lust or provocation. Sexual assault is the act of abusing your power over someone else to the point of robbing them of even their intimacy. This is something that tends to break people, or at least seriously damage them. Yet, this loss of power is something that remains mocked or silenced. And while women are starting to speak up, it’s still rare to see men open up about it. In Jonathan McIntosh’s video, the example of Terry Crew in reaction to the Harvey Weinstein affair and the following #Metoo movement is telling: losing power (what is perceived as such), especially as a man, is still treated in a demeaning manner that should only be mocked or ignored, not as something serious that can affect the victim for years and have a negative effect on their life in general.

Sexual assault of men as comedy is destructive, yet still awfully present in the series and movies we watch – even kids’ shows. Yes, you read it well. Kids’ shows. It gives a certain inclination to joke about rape – especially when it happens to men -, by internalising the issue and not realising how demeaning it actually is. It’s even visible in the most mainstream manga and anime (Naruto’s 1000 years of pain, anyone?) and we’ll play a little game about that: in your comment, I invite you to point out sexual assault as a joke in a manga/anime you know (and maybe enjoy). Keep in mind that I’m not doing that to slam the creations or their authors, it’s just to point out how surprisingly common it can be. I also wish to point out that, in chapter 56 of Jigokuraku, UG didn’t go that way at all. On the contrary, he made it clear that Chôbe was in danger and painfully aware of it throughout the chapter, while Rien... Was being Rien, with his own perception of who he is and the power he holds.

II. Rien: the perception of power

Now that we’ve established the basis about the way sexual assault with men as victims is perceived (especially in the West, a point of view vastly predominant on Reddit), we can start digging on Rien’s case of A God I Am.

As soon as Rien gets his first appearance (chapter 26), his status is made clear: among the boss level characters we’ve seen so far (Ju Fa, Tao Fa, Zhu Jin), he is one cut above and presents himself as the uncontested leader, the patriarch of a family who rules and serves punishment when he deems it necessary. From his point of view, he’s the head of the Tensen family as well as (potentially, it depends on Jofuku being alive of not), the ruler of the island – or the head scientist of the giant laboratory that is Kotaku. It means that Rien isn’t just the most powerful being on the island (though the notion of power can be discussed there, considering the power system used by UG), he also perceives himself as such and demonstrates it with an iron hand: the way he treated Mei before she escaped is good enough as a proof.

Behind his position as the head scientist, he shows a ruthless cruelty and a readiness to not even consider other people as persons. Mei herself, suggested as being one of the first successful experiments by Jofuku – and thus being “family” to Rien -, gets banished, mutilated and used as a living experiment material for the very thing she dared openly call out (the massive use of humans for experimentations). Rien even openly states, in chapter 26, that he’s the only one with the right to punish family members when Ju Fa injures an already weakened Zhu Jin. It gives us an idea of what Rien may mean by “punishment”. Go against his will: die or become an experiment. Disobey him: get severely injured if you’re part of the Tensen family, I heavily suspect death may be the sentence when you don’t have that luxury – and so does Chôbe. Until now, Rien has thus been shown as having a general behaviour that could be qualified of sociopathic: being indifferent towards others to the point of not seeing them as people, dehumanising anybody, using the “we’re family” or “I’ll tell you everything” tactic to try and keep people on his side. Interestingly, between him and Mei, he’s the one who has spend the most time with the other Tensen, and it is visible in their behaviour as well: they show similar sociopathic traits (Mu Dan’s experiments he seemed to find most amusing, Ju Fa qualifying Chôbe of “it” and “livestock”...).

However, no matter how godly Rien thinks he is, he remains surprisingly human and this has been shown to us through the point of view of his latest victim, who managed to do what, I suspect, no other character in the story would have been able to pull off without seriously getting in trouble for it (meaning: die immediately): he momentarily reversed the power dynamic to save his skin for at least a moment.

III. Chôbe’s status as a victim and how he handles it

Since the start, I’ve been claiming left and right that Chôbe is probably too smart for his own good, but it’s not just that. It’s an accumulation of everything that happened to him and his brother. Chôbe is very intimate with the notion of powerlessness. He’s been living it repeatedly since he’s a kid, slowly losing his place in society until he became an outcast. As a consequence, the way he thinks isn’t based on honour or revenge: it’s about survival, first and foremost.

The first time we see him go full survival mode is when he and Toma momentarily run away from the Sôshin that are outnumbering them, to find a better position to fight. In that chapter (chapter 9), we witness another way to survive that is very much Chôbe’s own method – no other character has done it, not even Toma -: instead of resisting a power stronger than his own, he integrates himself into the equation by mirroring the person who’s displaying power over him. By doing so, he creates an impression of kinship he can exploit to his advantage. As a kid, he mutilated himself to the point of losing sight in his right eye and being seriously scarred to “pretty himself up” by looking more like the bandits who were planning to harm Toma and sell them both. Doing so created a strong impression in their captors’ mind, and Chôbe used that impression to claim a place among the bandits – a first step towards claiming his power as an individual capable of thoughts and choices back. By integrating himself like that, he managed to become the leader of the pack, the chief of an entire village of bandits, causing so much trouble it warranted death penalty for him.

This method of mirroring the person holding power over him is visible again during the entirety of chapter 56. This chapter starts with Chôbe being captive, literally tied to a bed and clearly uncomfortable for many reasons: he’s been beaten to the point of passing out after having been treated like a wonderful unicorn (not a person), wakes up in an unknown place, tied to a bed in a peculiar position. By that point, Rien already marked a lot of Creep Points, and Chôbe has a lot of reasons to find the situation disagreeable. But it’s not enough, and Chôbe ends up facing actual blackmail: cooperate or become Tan (which is pretty much like dying, but worse: your life force is sucked out of you while you’re in a fake wonderland. Chôbe had a taste of it and saw what it looked like while he was in the Tan pit, both him and Toma weren’t enthusiastic about the situation and quickly got out of the pit). During the entire chapter, Chôbe weighs his options and stalls time by asking questions and gather more information on his situation to pick the best option to stay alive. It’s a daring move, to do that while facing the local godly being, but Chôbe isn’t stupid and understands having the choice of cooperating means he has value somehow. And to squeeze all the information he needs from Rien, to better weight his option and understand what’s going on on this unnatural island (he realised it’s unnatural in chapter 54), he does what we’ve already seen him do in the aforementioned bandits’ village flashback: he mirrors the one having power over him to gain some agency back through deception.

That’s where something we’ve seen him do a lot happens: he smiles. Mind you, it’s not a genuine smile. Chôbe isn’t really a smiling person, we’ve seen that everytime we’ve got even the smallest hints regarding his true feelings. However, Chôbe uses his mask as a tool for deception and picked this habit as a kid: a grin to the bandits even though his face was heavily injured to convince them of keeping him and his brother, a grin when he steels himself while facing the Sôshin, a smile when he tries to deceive Gabimaru before suddenly attacking him. It’s the vicious, weaponised grin of someone who figured out what to do and where to go, while keeping others’ attention down. He even smiles while sweating when he is nervous, at the end of chapter 55, because he has no idea what’s going on but somehow he’s tied to a bed and someone one-sidedly decided to have sex with him (yes, in case you hadn’t noticed, Rien didn’t care about his consent, because Rien doesn’t see him as a person). However, during chapter 56, we slowly see him integrates himself in the equation again by imitating Rien’s moves to numb his wariness under the guise of complying with the cooperation request. His actions mismatch his thoughts exactly for that purpose: his first thought is about a way to escape, but he realises it may be too dangerous for him. So he renounces - for now - to by himself some time and repeats his mantra, to adapt and figure things out, and gives Rien what he wants because it’s the only viable option for survival.

Since then, qualifying his attitude towards the Tensen of “bad faith” could be an understatement. He may be willing to concede certain things under the threat of death, but he will still have the guts to stand his ground, even while facing a whole group of people who could kill him – and openly threaten to do so. It takes a certain kind of madness to do that sort of thing, and oh, it’s exactly what the bandits said about him when he purposefully injured himself just to prove a point. Chôbe is too smart for his own good, but he still manages to get his agency back when it’s stolen from him, and that’s what makes him incredibly dangerous, even for the Tensen. Even in real life, it takes a certain kind of character to pull that sort of thing off. Still, despite all of his wrong, what happened to Chôbe during his childhood as well as chapter 56 qualifies him as a victim, and UG handled it incredibly well, making it tragic (if not outright nerves wracking, at least in my case) instead of using it as a comedic tool. Thank you for that, UG.

This commentary took me about... At least 10 days just to be worked on, despite the very small amount of references needed for it.

Without giving away too much information, I empathise strongly with Chôbe’s predicament and generally find him very relatable, at a personal level. His tactics are easy to recognise not just because they’ve been made fairly clear by UG, but also because there’s a pattern I know all too well in them. So yeah, that commentary tackled some difficult topics for me, and I had trouble keeping a cool head while writing it. It was a difficult birth, chapter 56 still makes my skin crawl. However, I hope you found this write up informative or entertaining. Don’t hesitate to share your thoughts, answer my little challenge (an example of sexual assault played for laugh in a manga/anime you know), ask questions, scold me for yet another Chôbe rant...

#jigokuraku #hell's paradise #chôbe #rien #tensen #chapter 56 #tw: rape #omg please UG give our beloved bros a break #can Chôbe have a nice day once in his life?#his life really is a series of misfortunes #poor murder bae #essay #my stuff

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nero-the-truth-sable · 4 years

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So I am commonly known as Nero, and I have played a popular MMO since it came out, and I have enjoyed this MMO with a small group of people, and in particular someone who has become a very good friend of mine. Now last year my friend began having some trouble, but here is the catch, my friends account was not active because she was away having major surgery. Now I know what everyone is thinking, your thinking I am always going to defend my friend because they are my friends, well no I am not like that. I say it like it is. I am going to put the screen shots of various discord conversations up on this tumbler, I will also explain a bit about them and I will let you judge for yourself. SO here are some things that discord user Yuri-Fairytale / Robin Fairytale / Fairy_tale has said about my friend, now I am going to say this person does keep changing their name and profile pick so we have had to identify them by the Account ID number the long one, and its this 343331401401368576, this is how we know this is coming from the same person. Yuri considers himself the leader of this BS Congress, and he likes to think himself the leader / hero of the people. Yuri has been in this BS congress for roughly 6 years he actually founded it, Through out the years Yuri has been involved in most of the Drama on the server of this MMO that me and my friend play. I myself can name at least 100 other people Yuri has had issues with over the years. . . people who had no issues with anyone else, people who just didnt want to be involved in drama, and wanted to do their own thing. Which annoyed him, Yuri likes to be in charge, of everything and everyone. Yuri has got a discord server called the Lich congress and on it he openly tries to influence people, by influencing their judgement of others he dislikes, and by spreading untrue things about others he dislikes, as you can see in the discord screen shots above. He uses this as a weapon. The original post was made on Yuris server on the 30th of November, he claims that my Friend had been acting up before that date, the majority of the month of November 2019 and some of October 2019. However my Friends account was inactive and at this point had been for 4 - 6 weeks, due to medical reasons. I knew about this, she had told me before hand, so I can tell you that these claims are untrue, she did not do anything to these people. So I noticed in game there was some gossip going around about my friend and I knew by what was being said it came from Yuri, it 100% did, I contacted him directly over discord to try and sort this out, I spent 2 hours explaining to him that my friends account was inactive. I even sent him screen shots showing she had not been online for a number of days because we are in the same Free Company and it does show the number of days people are offline for. Yuri accused me of altering the in game screen shots. You really just cannot win with this guy. Honestly I think a dentist appointment where you have some teeth taken out would have been more appealing than talking with and trying to explain logic to this guy. However what I am going to say is this when confronted about the untrue things Yuri had been spreading about my Friend, Yuri immediately says he is blameless, and names 2 other people Judy Judy and Valeria Mae, as the people who deserve the blame, because they sent Yuri screen shots which were staged or Altered. Now while this is True, Yuri was told this information about my friend being away and he was shown proof she was in fact inactive, he even says he has not seen her in game for a while, and yet Yuri continued to post untrue things about my friend on other social media sites, and also on other discord servers. He deserves a good part of the blame in my own opinion, for spreading things about someone he knew was not doing anything. Eventually the conversation went way south and ended with me blocking him after he threatens me and my friend and tells us to leave server or else this will get very messy for the both of us. I will say this there were screen shots given to me by Yuri, Yuri gave me like 5 - 10 screen shots, some were of a discord conversation, the account in it, while named Freya was not my friends account it had a different account ID to hers, I checked this a number of times, I also did tell Yuri this, I will also say the account that was supposed to be my friend, spoke in broken English, now my friend speaks fluent English and actually has a very good understanding of the English language. While English is not her first language you would not be able to tell. Also the person pretending to be my friend on discord, had an old picture one my friend was not using anymore, my friend does have an instagram, and a twitter account where she does post her in game screen shots, so easy enough to get access to an old one (she has changed the privacy setting recently) I will say I did report this discord account, the one pretending to be my friend to discord. The other screen shots were in game screen shots, of in game mail, now these screen shots came from Judy Judy and Valeria Mae, and they claimed my friend was threatening them, now while the mail messages did contain threats, firstly it was again written in broken English very much the same as the discord account and also the screen shot had been altered it had been cropped a lot to basically only show the small mail box, also the name of the person who had sent the in game mail had been blacked out, now if you have someone threatening you why would you take a screen shot and you yourself black the name out of the person who sent the mail, I mean if you do that you can not prove who sent it to you, unless you yourself do not want the name to be seen not because its not from the person you are claiming it is from. I pointed these things out to this person as you can see, and I pointed out that the so called EVIDENCE Yuri claimed he had, was questionable at best, I mean honestly, you cant call it evidence. I personally think, this so called evidence was staged, I think Judy Judy and Valeria Mae, sent in game mail to each other and thats why the senders name is blacked out in the screen shots, and I think Judy Judy and Valeria Mae, and Yuri Fairytale are also the people responsible for the discord account that was pretending to be my friend. I think Yuri knew this to an extent, but just wanted to cause some drama, because we all know he loves his drama. Yuri and the others refuse to let this go, so now I am doing to them what they have done to me and my friend. I hope they enjoy it, I know I will get some small satisfaction out of it. To date this ass hole still claims my friend is the one responsible for this crap, but today he says Fairy_tai lYesterday at 10:27 In short the 3rd party found out from a leak that we had evidence of them breaking ToS and other issues and then went on a hunt for fc's in the congress to again leak info to them. . And alot of people that was once friends to that individual, defending them ect they got turned on by that individual later making accusations against them. Fairy_tail Yesterday at 10:31 Also during one of the times we was helping the 3rd party to try fix a misunderstanding it was found that they had redacted parts of convocations to go in there favour and even faked discord screenshot convocations that hadn't even took place trying to pit ppl against each other . That's when I myself cut contact with that individual https://www.facebook.com/groups/1559001954387688/ They have a Facebook group, it makes me laugh because of their rules. 2 - No hate speech, bullying or discrimination. Make sure everyone feels safe. Bullying of any kind isn't allowed, and degrading comments about things such as race, religion, culture or sexual orientation will "NOT" be tolerated. 4 - Absolutely no witch-hunting Any posts relating to bad in-game experience must have any character and FC names redacted. Any mention of whom the posts refers to will be deleted. Perfectly ok when they do it though isnt it. Got to love hypocrites who are so far up their own arses they cant even see the light of day, and love drama so much they make lies and spread shit about someone whos not even done a single thing to them. He has done this to so many people now.

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k-u-z-u · 5 years

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Can we please get a 1-100 answers so we dont need to recheck what you already got asked and just see everything.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

Decalcomanie by MamamooDrama Club by Melanie MartinezNurse’s Office by Melanie MartinezShow And Tell by Melanie Martinez Detention by Melanie MartinezMake Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

@sangeki-x

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

Haha on page 23 there is only an illustration.

4: What do you think about most?

Things that worry me.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

”Slow”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

With clothes.

7: What’s your strangest talent?

I can paint my nails with my non dominant hand perfectly. (Can you tell I’m not special at all?)

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are amazing. Boys are awesome.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Omfg yes both I hate being rude, but they were so cringe.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Few weeks ago I gues. :’D

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

Is cleithrophobia strange?

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

No.

13: What’s your religion?

Christian.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Working or going to school. Sometimes shopping.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Mamamoo

17: What was the last lie you told?

“Yes, I will go to a doctor.”

18: Do you believe in karma?

Yes.

19: What does your URL mean?

It’s a nickname for my name with random letters.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I’m just weak generally, I’m not strong at all lol.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

UGH MELANIE MARTINEZ!

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

No lol.

23: How do you vent your anger?

I cry.

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Hm nail polishes.

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Texting only.

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

A little bit.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate: Everything too loud

Love: Melanie Martinez’s voice hehe

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if I wasn’t this insecure and shy.

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Ghosts maybe, aliens no.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right: wall

Left: nothing

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Nothing.

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

A place where I worked before.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

East.

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Idk I’m gay.

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

Sometimes I’m not even sure if there’s meaning of it.

36: Define Art.

K-12 The film :)

37: Do you believe in luck?

Yes.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

A bit cold.

39: What time is it?

7.35 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I can’t drive.

41: What was the last book you read?

Eastern by Martin Kay

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

No.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

I don’t like nicknames.

44: What was the last film you saw?

Amélie

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Slitted my forehead.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

No.

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

Eating and listening to music.

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

Straight.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Oh yes.

50: Do you believe in magic?

No.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Sometimes.

52: What is your astrological sign?

Aquarius.

53: Do you save money or spend it?

Save some and spend some.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

Bracelets.

55: Love or lust?

Love.

56: In a relationship?

57: How many relationships have you had?

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

I can’t.

59: Where were you yesterday?

At home.

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Yes, my Cheshire cat plush.

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

I wear them 24/7.

62: What’s your favourite animal?

Cat.

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Haha does anyone even like me?

64: Where is your best friend?

TOO FAR AWAY, IN AMERICA @sangeki-x

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

@sangeki-x@oteayim@anime--irl@a-laa@mavia-nna

66: What is your heritage?

Um mental breakdown.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Listening to music.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Eh...?

69: Biggest turn ons?

Respect and loyalty.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

No way.

SAVE THE GOD DAMN DOG!

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live.

a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die?

Yes.

b) What do you do with your remaining days?

Probably would spend it with people who are important to me.

c) Would you be afraid?

I wouldn’t care much. But I guess in that situation I would think otherwise.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Decalcomanie by Mamamoo

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

5932

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Honesty, loyalty, communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

Be nice to me and to other people. Be a good and kind person. Care about my bullshits, care about me. Accept me the way I am. Don’t lie to me. Don’t try to control me. Feed me. >.>

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Yes.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

That I started to play league. I met so many awesome people there. Even though most of them aren’t part of my life anymore, I’m still happy I had the chance to know them.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

EU 39

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“Was an awful person, deserved to die.”

82: What is your favourite word?

“Valley”, sounds so good imo.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

That I don’t have one and I just break everybody’s heart who get close to me.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

”I’m hungry.””I’m dying.””I’m crying”“I don’t wanna go.””I want chocolate.”“I’m sorry.”“I’m annoying.”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Meggyfa by Tamás Horváth

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Blue and black.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

Bewitching Miss Fortune splash art.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Me.

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

This question lmao.

90: Turn offs?

Lack of hygiene

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Teleport pls.

92: Where are your parents from?

Hungary

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Can’t I erase my whole life?

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

If it’s like a sleepover, definitely Melanie Martinez. :’D If “SLEEPING” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) then noone.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Japan

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

I don’t have.

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Never.

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yes.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say

I love you bitch you are perfect the way you are.

#ask

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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604

1.) What was the last strong scent you smelled? Kate poured some gin in her cup last night and the smell from the bottle wafted towards my nose. Shit staaaaaaaaank 2.) When was the last time you changed your outfit? 10 minutes ago – I just took a shower. 3.) What did you buy the last time you went shopping for new clothes? I got this cute two-piece ensemble of a bralette top and high-waisted pants. 4.) What is your favorite meal of the day? Dinner. 5.) Do you typically eat breakfast or skip it? I usually kinda have to skip it regardless if I’m full or downright starving. We have godawful traffic and I’d rather make it to school on time than spending +1.5 hours on the road just because I decided to have breakfast at home for 10 minutes.

6.) What was the last thing you took a picture of? I took a selfie of me cooking corned beef yesterday because it was the first time I ever made it hahahaha. 7.) Do you have a collection of anything? Not really. I always say I collect receipts from dates but I honestly haven’t done that or been thorough with my collection for like a year now. 8.) What was the last thing you threw away? My dog did some number 2′s so I cleaned up his mess. 9.) What is the cause of your current emotional state? I’m feeling waves of shame because I’ve already misplaced Gabie’s early Christmas gift to me (Apple earpods that I only got a month ago). Couple that with my usual seasonal Christmas depression, and you would know I’m not doing so well. 10.) What were the last plans you made? How about cancelled? Jum, Aya, Kate and I were making plans to party for New Year’s when I drove them to their dropoff point last night. I don’t think I’ve cancelled any plans, at least in a while. 11.) How did you discover your favorite band? It’s from this girl who discovered them while we were in Grade 4. 12.) Does the weather affect your mood? If so, in what ways? Yeah, I get lethargic being outside when it’s humid. I work okay and am generally in a better mood if it’s chillier or if it’s raining out. 13.) When are you most likely to be bored? If I’m outside and alone. I tried eating dinner alone twice so I can understand what other people mean whenever they say how spoiling yourself while alone is good self-care, but I hated every minute of being by myself cos I just found it boring and a bit sad. 14.) What was the last big decision you made? Haven’t made any big ones in a while. 15.) Where was the last place you traveled to, and what did you do while there? The last far place I drove to was a small community in Bulacan. We held a journalism workshop for their members. 16.) What is your favorite thing to go shopping for? Clothes. <– Yep. 17.) How organized are you? I’ve said this already but I’m messy-organized. My working space is usually a mess, but I know where everything is. I love making to-do lists, categories, tables, and charts though so maybe I lean towards being organized. 18.) What were the positives and negatives of your last week? Huge positive was turning in my last requirement and thus ending my semester; another positive was it was my org’s initiation rites for our newest batch of members AND our Christmas party last weekend. Shittiest negative was misplacing a very valuable gift from Gabie lately. 19.) If applicable, how did you decide what you wanted to study in college/university? I’ve always been good at and loved writing, telling stories, and watching investigative documentaries. I thought I was going to like journalism, but it turns out I’m much more comfortable just reading the news and being on the audience side when I watch investigative joun stuff. 20.) What was the last thing you received in the mail? My online order of three necklaces for Gab. 21.) What is one of your wildest dreams or ambitions? To end up working for WWE, my absolute dream company. 22.) When was the last time you performed in front of a group of people? My org was a participant in last school year’s freshman orientation party and we had to perform this cheesy choreography thing for them (along with other partner orgs) by the end of the day. 23.) Who was the last person to upset you? How about the last person to cheer you up? The answer to the first question is me. As for the second one, it has to be my friends last night. We had our Christmas party and it was nice to be with them where we weren’t fixated on our laptops because we’re working. 24.) Is there anything or anyone you’re trying to get over or let go of? Yes. 25.) What was the subject of your last phone conversation? I just told Gab I was so sorry and that I am very disappointed in and hating myself at the moment and hung up. 26.) What are your plans for tomorrow? How about the weekend? If I remember correctly, we have a test photoshoot with our chosen photo studio for our grad shoot tomorrow but nothing’s been said about it lately so I don’t actually know if that would push through. If it’s a go, I guess I’ll have to go to that. 27.) When was the last time you were sick? Three years ago. 28.) How close do you have to be with someone before you’ll consider them a friend? I dunno, they just shouldn’t annoy me lmao. 29.) What did the last jacket you wore look like? It’s dirty white and it’s got some Japanese print on the left side. 30.) Name five things you can grab from where you’re sitting. A pair of scissors, the keys for our family car, a jar of peanut butter, our dining table decor, and my shoulder bag.

#survey #surveys

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meeresnaechte · 5 years

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Get To Know Me Questions (Very long)

1. What is your first name? Justine

2. What is your nickname? Jess

3. What is your zodiac sign? Gemini

4. What is your favorite book series? I do not really have a favorite book series since I actually do prefer shows or video games to get lost in. However, I once read a "self published" ebook by an unknown author called "Human" which is actually a fanfiction but it was SO well written and it made me more emotional than any other book ever could.

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Yes I do believe in such things. I often experience sleep paralysis and get visited by someone- or something. I can see a person who's not actually there and I do believe it's a lost soul or the ghost of the person which committed suicide in my apartment before I moved in. I believe in demons and posessed things, I am really scared of dolls but I think not believing in such things would make life more boring.

6. Who is your favorite author? I do not have one.

7. What is your favorite radio station? I don't listen to the radio.

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? I like any flavor except sweet flavors like vanilla or else.

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Pure. It's one of my favorite words. I often like to refer to my best friends as pure.

10. What is your current favorite song? Anarchist by Yungblud is a really good song at the moment.

11. What is your favorite word? Pure in english or Bettgeflüster in German, I'm sorry but the sound of that word is just so beautiful ahhah

12. What was the last song you listened to? I write sins not tragedies by panic at the disco. Definitely one of the best song ever made (Also Brendon is especially hot in this one)

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? How I met your mother (very life changing) & Stranger Things

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? The perks of being a wallflower. It changed me and my perspective on life completely.

15. Do you play video games? Yes. I love them, especially Fable 2 and Bioshock Infinite.

16. What is your biggest fear? The ocean. I love the beach but I am really scared of deep water because my father and I had to save a man from drowning when I was maybe 7 years old. He experienced a stroke and only his little daughter was with him.

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I can be very interesting to talk to because I love getting into depth about everything.

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? My self confidence and my mental illness. It ruined and continues to ruin many things for me. It took my youth away.

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? I cherish dogs so much, they make me so happy.

20. What is your favorite season? Summer or winter. (Fall is quite awesome too, it's kind of spooky)

21. Are you in a relationship? No.

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? Not being afraid of anything. Being free, not being judged for what I do and who I am.

23. Who is your best friend? I have more than one. Someone I met through the internet in 2013. Someone I've known since kindergarten and suddenly met again 15 years later. Someone I've been deeply in love with for 5 years & Someone who's always been there but never really got the courage to be around until last year.

24. What is your eye color? Green.

25. What is your hair color? Blonde.

26. Who is someone you love? My best friends & my lovely grandma.

27. Who is someone you trust? My best friends.

28. Who is someone you think about often? I often think about someone I haven't met yet. Someone who will change my life forever.

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? I am truly trying to live in the moment. I'm not excited for something, but scared of the future because I have to move abroad next year and leave everything behind.

30. What is your biggest obsession? Fable 2, Dan and Phil and Stranger Things.

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Spongebob or Max & Ruby

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? All except one person of my best friends are my opposite gender and I can tell them anything.

33. Are you superstitious? Yes

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? I don't know if they are unusual but the ocean, dolls, funfairs, bugs and speaking in front of people (except acting)

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? In front of it. My greatest passion is acting and I've always wanted to become an actress.

36. What is your favorite hobby? Acting.

37. What was the last book you read? It's been a long long time. I have no clue.

38. What was the last movie you watched? Annabelle 3. Yesterday at a drive-in cinema with my best friends. One of the most special moments I've made so far.

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? I can play the piano. I would love to play any instrument.

40. What is your favorite animal? Dogs, wolves and red pandas.

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? I don't have a favorite.

42. What superpower do you wish you had? Time travelling, being able to read people's minds and heart.

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? At the beach, listening to the sound of the waves. I tend to forget everything during those moments.

44. What makes you smile? When people aren't afraid to show me that I mean something to them. Not only words.

45. What sports do you play, if any? Football, Basketball, Badminton.. did I forget anything? I like all sports except gymnastics.

46. What is your favorite drink? Water or Iced Coffee (it's so bad for my skin)

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? This month, I believe. It was a letter.

48. Are you afraid of heights? Yes, but I still manage to push myself to do things that involves heights. I just recently climbed up a 80 metre high building with my friends at night to get a nice view of the skyline. Almosy shit my pants but I am still alive. Little did we know someone killed themselves by jumping off that exact building at the exact night.

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? Screaming. I hate it. I love chill people.

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Do little concerts count? If not, no.

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? No.

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? I've always wanted to become an actress or a police officer.

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? Albion from Fable the video game.

54. What is something you worry about? My future.

55. Are you scared of the dark? I love the night and being outside during the night but I can't sleep without keeping my little light on because I tend to get sleep paralysis when my room is all dark.

56. Do you like to sing? I wish I could sing

57. Have you ever skipped school? Yes

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? Wherever I feel happy and where I can connect with the people I love the most.

59. Where would you like to live? California.

60. Do you have any pets? No.

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Night owl.

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Both. Sunsets are like a beautiful ending, they make me believe that no matter how hard things are at the moment, they will pass, but the bittersweet feeling of the ending of my best memories comes after. Sunrises feel like a new beginning after the dark.

63. Do you know how to drive? No, I'm currently doing my car and motorcycle driving license though.

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds for music, headphones for gaming.

65. Have you ever had braces? Yes, I want them again, I'm not satisfied with my teeth.

66. What is your favorite genre of music? Rock

67. Who is your hero? Daniel Howell. I've never met him, but I saw myself in him. He saved my life. I feel like I've known him before.. in a different life.

68. Do you read comic books? No

69. What makes you the most angry? Negative people who always complain and never see the beauty in certain things or moments.

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? A real book.

71. What is your favorite subject in school? Sports.

72. Do you have any siblings? No

73. What was the last thing you bought? Film for my polaroid camera.

74. How tall are you? 5'4ft

75. Can you cook? Not really. I can make pancakes, that's about it.

76. What are three things that you love? Dogs, nature, video games

77. What are three things that you hate? Negativity, hatred, self-centered people

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? More male friends.

79. What is your sexual orientation? I don't care who I fall in love with, but I don't know how to label myself. I'm in love with the feeling of love.

80. Where do you currently live? Germany but I'm moving to London next summer.

81. Who was the last person you texted? One of my best friends.

82. When was the last time you cried? This week

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? Dan and Phil.

84. Do you like to take selfies? I take like 2 selfies each year so, no.

85. What is your favorite app? Twitter or Tumblr

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? Not very good. I feel pressured most of the time and can't connect to them on an emotional level. It's even harder now since they got a divorce. I love my grandma so much.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? American.

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? New Zealand, Norway and Canada

89. What is your favorite number? 24

90. Can you juggle? No

91. Are you religious? No

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? Outer space. I'm scared of the deep ocean and I don't even know what's down there.

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? Not at all

94. Are you allergic to anything? Wasps, dust

95. Can you curl your tongue? Yes

96. Can you wiggle your ears? No

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? 50/50

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? Both.

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? "Cut the seed before it grows"

100. Are you a good liar? I hate lying and being lied to.

101. What is your Hogwarts House? Slytherin

102. Do you talk to yourself? A lot

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert.

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? I use my Tumblr as my diary since 2013

105. Do you believe in second chances? Yes

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Search for an ID and try to reach out to the person who lost it.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? Not really..

108. Are you ticklish? Yes

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Yes

110. Do you have any piercings? Yes

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Reaver from Fable, I'd like to marry him

112. Do you have any tattoos? No but I'm planning to get three.

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? To keep going.

114. Do you believe in karma? Yes.

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Either I wear glasses or go through life blind lmao

116. Do you want children? I'm not sure, but I prefer to adopt.

117. Who is the smartest person you know? Daniel Howell

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? I reject them lmao

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? When haven't I?

120. What color are most of you clothes? Black

121. Do you like adventures? I love them.

122. Have you ever been on TV? Yes.

123. How old are you? 18

124. What is your favorite quote? So many. I really like "Irgendjemand liebt dich immer" a lot these days, it means "someone will always love you"

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Savory. I hate sweet.

I tag @ludicrousperson

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astrogeoguy · 5 years

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Morning Moon meets Bright Planets, Mars Attacks a Star Cluster, and Some Easy Dark Sky Galaxies!

(Above: The well-known Leo Triplet consists of three spiral galaxies with the names Messier 65, Messier 66, and the Hamburger Galaxy (NGC 3628). All three galaxies will fit within the field of view of a telescope at low magnification. NASA APOD for April 18 2019 by Marcus Bauer)

Hello, Stargazers!

Here are your Astronomy Skylights for the week of May 12th, 2019 by Chris Vaughan. Feel free to pass this along to your friends and send me your comments, questions, and suggested topics. I repost these emails with photos at http://astrogeoguy.tumblr.com/ where all the old editions are archived. You can also follow me on Twitter as @astrogeoguy! Unless otherwise noted, all times are Eastern Time. Please click this MailChimp link to subscribe to these emails. If you are a teacher or group leader interested joining me on a guided field trip to York University’s Allan I. Carswell Observatory or the David Dunlap Observatory, visit www.astrogeo.ca.

I can bring my Digital Starlab inflatable planetarium to your school or other daytime or evening event. Contact me and we’ll tour the Universe together!

Public Astro-Events

At 7:30 pm on Wednesday, May 22, the RASC Toronto Centre will hold their free monthly Recreational Astronomy Night Meeting at the Ontario Science Centre, and the public are welcome. Talks include The Sky This Month, a do-it-yourself telescope project, and student project about gravitational waves. These meetings are also streamed live on RASC-TC’s YouTube channel. Check here for details. Parking is free.

Every Monday evening, York University’s Allan I. Carswell Observatory runs an online star party - broadcasting views from four telescopes/cameras, answering viewer questions, and taking requests! Details are here. On Wednesday nights they offer free public viewing through their rooftop telescopes. If it’s cloudy, the astronomers give tours and presentations. Details are here.

On Monday, May 20 from 5 to 7 pm, guests aged 19+ are invited to attend A Pint of Science at Artwood Artbar in Hamilton, ON. This session will focus on A Trip to Quantumland. Registration and details are here.

On Friday, May 24 at 8 pm, RASC - Mississauga will present a free public talk by Dr. Renée Hložek, Assistant Professor, Dunlap Institute for Astronomy & Astrophysics entitled Echoes of Our Beginnings. Details are here.

On Friday, May 24, starting at 7 pm, U of T’s AstroTour will present their planetarium show Grand Tour of the Cosmos. Tickets and details are here.

The next RASC Family Night at the David Dunlap Observatory will be on Saturday, May 25. There will be sky tours in the Skylab planetarium room, space crafts, a tour of the giant 74” telescope, and viewing through lawn telescopes (weather permitting). The doors will open at 8:30 pm for a 9 pm start. Attendance is by tickets only, available here. If you are a RASC Toronto Centre member and wish to help us at DDO in the future, please fill out the volunteer form here. And to join RASC Toronto Centre, visit this page.

The Moon and Planets

This is the week of the lunar month when our natural satellite, fresh from yesterday’s full moon, will wane and rise later, eventually arriving at its Last Quarter phase next Sunday after mid-day. By that time, the moon will have set in the west for us in the Eastern Time zone. Last Quarter moons always rise near midnight and linger into the daytime morning western sky.

Here are the rest of the moon doings for this week…

When the waning gibbous moon rises from the southeastern horizon just before midnight local time on Monday, it will be positioned a palm’s width to the lower left (east) of bright Jupiter. As the pair crosses the sky together, the moon’s orbital motion will carry it farther away from Jupiter. You can watch both of them until Jupiter fades from view just before sunrise. At that time, they will be positioned over the southwestern horizon.

(Above: This week the waning gibbous moon will have encounters with the two bright, gas giant planets Jupiter and Saturn. I've shown it here at 5 am local time on Tuesday morning, but you can see the pairing starting several hours earlier. On Thursday morning, the moon will dance with Saturn instead, and parts of the world will see the moon pass in front of the ringed planet.)

The moon will also dance with Saturn this week. When the moon rises from the southeastern horizon after 1:30 am local time on Thursday, it will be positioned 4 finger widths to the lower left (east) of yellowish Saturn. As before, the moon’s orbital motion will carry it noticeably farther from Saturn over the following hours. They will remain visible until about 5 am local time, when they will sit in the southern sky. Hours earlier, observers in the southern tip of Africa, parts of eastern Antarctica, Kerguelen Islands, most of Australia, and southern New Zealand will get to see the moon pass in front of (or occult) the Ringed Planet.

You still have some evenings to catch a glimpse of Mars’ bright, reddish pinpoint in the western evening sky before it transitions fully into the sunset. This week, Mar is tickling the toes of Gemini (the Twins) and sets at about 11:30pm local time.

(Above: On Sunday evening, May 19, Mars' eastward orbital motion will carry it close past the bright star cluster designated as Messier 35. Binoculars will show the cluster and Mars once the sky has darkened, as shown here at 10 pm local time.)

In the north-northwestern sky this evening (Sunday), Mars will be positioned only 0.25 degrees (or half of a moon’s diameter) to the right of the prominent open star cluster known as Messier 35 and NGC 2168. Mars and the star cluster’s many stars will all fit together into the field of view of a backyard telescope at medium magnification. Binoculars will also show this cluster under moderately dark skies. Look for another, dimmer open star cluster designated NGC 2158 sitting southwest of Messier 35.

The bright planet Jupiter will rise in the east at about 10:30 pm local time this week. It’s gradually making its way into position for our summer evening stargazing! For now, if you are walking through the house in your pj’s during the wee hours, Jupiter’s bright beacon might catch your eye through a south-facing window. Jupiter will reach its highest position, over the southern horizon, at about 3 am local time, and then it will descend towards the southwest as dawn arrives. If you’d like to see the famous Great Red Spot in your telescope, it will be crossing the planet around midnight on Sunday and Friday, and before dawn on Wednesday. No matter when you look, you can see the four bright Galilean moons arrayed to either side of Jupiter. Sometimes you’ll only see two or three of them if the rest are hidden by Jupiter itself.

Yellowish Saturn will be rising about 2 hours after Jupiter all summer, which positions it about 2.5 outstretched fist diameters to the lower left (east) of Jupiter in the pre-dawn sky and just to the left (east) of the stars that form the teapot-shaped asterism of Sagittarius (the Archer). Saturn will officially enter the evening sky on Friday, when it will rise a few minutes before midnight. Dust off your telescope because even a small telescope will show its rings!

(Above: Low in the eastern predawn sky on Monday, Venus' orbital motion toward the sun will carry it close past distant Uranus, as shown here for 4:55 am local time. Unfortunately, dim Uranus will be swamped by the dawn twilight.)

Distant and dim, blue Neptune is in the southeastern pre-dawn sky, among the stars of Aquarius (the Water-Bearer). The planet will rise at about 3 am local time. But I’d wait for summer, when it will be available in the evening sky, to look for it.

Distant Uranus will sit a few finger widths above our next-door neighbour Venus in the east-northeastern sky on Monday morning. But the dawn twilight will make seeing the planetary pairing extremely difficult.

(Above: The sky between Leo and Ursa Major, shown at 10 pm local time, features a number of galaxies that can be seen in backyard telescopes under very dark skies. The sky to the upper left of Leo's star Denebola, toward Virgo, contains thousands more.)

Dark Sky Galaxies

Towards the end of this week, the waning, late-rising moon will leave the evenings nice and dark worldwide – ideal for hunting for dimmer targets such as the spring galaxies in Leo (the Lion) that are observable in backyard telescopes. The well-known Leo Triplet consists of three spiral galaxies with the names Messier 65, Messier 66, and the Hamburger Galaxy (NGC 3628). All three galaxies will fit within the field of view of a telescope at low magnification. Their visual magnitudes range from 8.9 to 10.3, and all three have good surface brightness due to their near edge-on orientations.

(Above: The constellation of Leo, the Lion is in ther western evening sky, as shown here at 10 pm local time. It contains many galaxies (coloured ovals), including the Leo triplet at upper left, near Chertan, and another grouping positioned just under the lion's belly.)

Find the trio about 3 finger widths to the lower left (southeast) of the medium-bright star Chertan, which marks the lion’s rear foot. Another group of prominent galaxies is positioned about midway between the triplet and the bright star Regulus. The close pair of Messier 105 and NGC 3384 resembles headlights in the fog when viewed in a telescope. Two more galaxies, Messier 95 and Messier 96, are located a finger’s width below those “eyes”.

(Above: If you draw an imaginary line across the Big Dipper's bowl and continue it beyond the star Dubhe, you'll arrive at the pair of spiral galaxies known as Bode's Nebula, labelled near the bottom of the picture. Other ovals represent additional, dimmer galaxies. During evening in late May, the Dipper is inverted. But it rotates a little every month.)

Although Ursa Major (the Big Bear) is a circumpolar constellation, it moves to a location very high in the northern sky in late evening during late May – a position ideal for observing the galaxy showpieces within it. The Big Dipper makes up most of Ursa Major. Drawing a line through the dipper’s bowl to connect the bright stars Phecda to Dubhe, and then extending the line by an amount equal to their separation, brings one to a pair of spiral galaxies called Bode’s Nebula. The larger and brighter galaxy is named Messier 81. It’s a magnitude 6.9 spiral galaxy oriented not quite face-on to Earth. The other galaxy, named Messier 82, is located half of a finger with to the lower right of Messier 81. It is smaller - but bright due its nearly edge-on orientation. Several other galaxies can be found within a few finger widths of Bode’s Nebula.

Keep looking up, and enjoy the sky when you do. I love questions and requests - so, send me some!

#astronomy #space #galaxies #Leo #Ursa Major #Big Dipper #Jupiter #Saturn #Last Quarter moon #Leo Triplet #Messier Objects #constellations

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james-bucky-barnackle · 6 years

Text

Two Night Stand

Synopsis: (AU) You can’t wait for your contract to end and get that recommendation to get an actual job as a writer so you found yourself at a club drinking away to forget about the stress of your shitty job as the assistant of the biggest Editor in New York, you end up hooking up with the man of your dreams only to wake up to a nightmare when you find out he’s the son of your boss.

2NS Masterlist

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of sex but not detailed, mostly fluff.

Word Count: 4k

A/N: I suddenly thought about this story and had to write it down, so if I have typo’s I am so sorry, I’ll fix them when I get some shut eye, but right now I gotta go because I’ve got classes tomorrow!

Shots are flying faster than lightning and I am calling for more. Winifred isn’t gonna put me down, only alcohol will. She has got to be the absolute worst person to work for. Winifred, what even is that name? Were her parents obsessed with Winnie the Pooh that they had to name their daughter the female version of the nicest crop top wearing bear ever? Tonight, I dedicate all the hatred and stress I’ve gathered from working as her assistant. If only she wasn’t the editor in chief of the View then I wouldn’t be letting myself be ass kicked just to jump start my resume. I’m desperate to get a better job than receiving calls, fetching coffee, and carrying tons of clothes, I’m a writer! I should be out there doing way better things than this. 4 more months to go before my contract ends and I am outta there.

“Y/N! Come on let’s dance!” I hear my name called to the dance floor. It’s my ever so patient roommate, Wanda. I bet she’s tired of hearing all my rants but she’s always been there, and heck I’m there for her too no matter what.

“I’m coming!” I shout as I slam one more shot of tequila and walk towards her at the center of the dance floor. We dance like lunatics; the music is blasting wild and everyone’s cheering to the beat. I plan to get hammered, really hammered. I don’t care – I don’t care because I don’t have to go to work tomorrow. For all I care, Winnie could call me right now and I’d scream at her face, wait- maybe not really, I need that recommendation and I still have a few weeks left, but I really need tonight so I could finally try to act my age and get a life outside that darn office.

“Tonight, I forget about all the bullshit that I seem to be so good at getting.” I shout at Wanda who’s showing me her best moves. “Ooh yes girl!” I say which makes us both giggle.

“Tonight, you could try giving someone a night they won’t forget,” she points her head to a mysterious guy in the corner whose blue eyes are all over me. I raise my eyebrow and turn towards him, wow he’s hot. He has nice hair, dark brown and messily slicked back. He’s wearing a leather jacket with a white shirt underneath, his jaw sharp with a stubble that says I-pretend-I-don’t-know-I-look-good-but-I-do. I give him a smirk and he walks in my direction, jiving to the music with every step he takes. He’s so gorgeous I’m not even sure if he’s moving at the same pace as everybody else, it’s like my vision’s blurred the background and he’s walking in slow motion.

“Straight out of the office, I like it,” he teases when he finally gets to me. I laugh considering that I do look a little overdressed for this place. His hands move their way to my hips and mine to his shoulders before caressing the nape of his neck. The music continues to blast and we’re trapped in our own bubble. His eyes pouring into my soul, his smile is contagious, his lips look so soft, and I bite mine taking his features in. He notices and he moves his face closer to mine, our lips meeting. His lips are as soft as I thought they looked and our tongues doing a better job at dancing. His hands are now all over me, and I’m intoxicated. He smells so good, I’m taking him in, and while we’re having this moment, I’ve already forgotten what drove me to be at this club in the first place.

He opens the door and he pushes me against the wall and begins to suck on my neck, that is definitely gonna leave a hickey, but a really memorable hickey. Gosh this guy definitely knows how to do it huh? He continues to kiss me getting lower as he lifts the hem of my blouse and I comply lifting my arms as he takes them off with ease. I grab his jacket and push it back, as he takes his shirt faster than I could thank Jesus for this man’s existence. His body is sculpted, like God really took his time to make this one. I’m getting so hungry for him. He scoops me up and brings me to the bed then he crawls his way towards me, this has got to be a dream. I grabbed his pants and didn’t even try to hide how eager I was.

“Oh no baby, are you in a hurry?.” oh God how did I end up being the girl under him right now. He pulls my skirt off then my panties, and throws them behind as he places himself between my legs.

Sunlight hits my face and my eyes open to see a beautiful being in front of me still heavy in his sleep. I smile like it's Christmas morning; his hands are draped around my waist. I try to resist waking up the angel beside me for round 2. I don’t want to sound shallow, but I can’t stop admiring him, I move my hand to gently caress his face, my thumb brushing against the cleft of his chin. I feel the sudden urge to pee, and I lift my hand from his face and his arm on my waist as slow and carefully as I could so I don’t wake him up. I grab his white shirt from the floor and put it on. The shirt still smells pretty good. Okay, now where’s the bathroom? I’m walking through his penthouse, my bare feet making contact with its cold white marble floor. Wow this place is huge. I go through a walk-in closet to see a door leading to the bathroom. I look like a mess, I’m glad I didn’t put on eyeliner yesterday because that would’ve made me look even worse. I wash my hands and face after doing my business, and tousle my hair a bit to at least try to look sexy. I hope he wasn’t that intoxicated to look at me in the morning differently, I laugh at myself. As I leave the bathroom, I think about making pancakes. Should I make him some? Should I ask him to eat breakfast with me? I’ve gotten pretty rusty at this hook up thing. If he planned on throwing me out he would’ve insisted we go to my place so he could make an escape come morning, but we’re here so- I pause when I come across his work table. There are frames hung up on the wall of certificates and trophies on the shelf. Great, I already forgot his name. I know he told me his name at the bar but I guess I was too deep into his voice that I was just hearing and not listening. Hell, he could’ve been talking about cleaning toilets and I’d be too immersed in his voice to even care. I walk close to the shelf and grab a trophy, it’s a humanitarian award, of course it is. I bet he could fly, if he’s too perfect. I run my fingers through the gold letterings, it’s for – James Buchanan Barnes. Hmm, like a prince, I like how his name rolls off my tongue. Barnes, the surname reminds me of something but I can’t put a finger on it. I put the trophy back and a picture frame catches my attention. It’s a family photo, how cute, so he’s family oriented? I guess. There’s another one beside it. He’s in his late teens, at a polo game, holding a wooden mallet, standing between a white horse and an older woman, it must be his mom. I look closer at the woman and it sends shivers down my spine. I almost drop the frame; my hands are shaking as I try to place it back. It’s Winifred. It’s Winifred Barnes with her son, James Buchanan Barnes. Anxiety floods my face and a drop of sweat breaks through my forehead. Oh no, no, no. I dash back to the bedroom, to see him still asleep, thank God, he’s still sleeping. I picked up my clothes and did not even put them on, I just grabbed my jacket and quickly made my way to the door. I felt a pang of guilt as I reached the door and I decided to grab a sticky note from his office and write something, sticking it to the nightstand where his phone was.

“I’m so sorry! You were wonderful,” I whisper to him reaching my hand out like he’s a male lead from a movie screen. I grab the door knob and get out.

“What do you mean you slept with the spawn of Satan?” Wanda asks, very confused at the tone I was speaking, I was panting on the phone from the sprint I’ve just done.

“He’s Winnie’s son! I saw a picture of them on his table! This is bad Wanda, if Winnie finds out about this, she is gonna kill me, and all of New York will know about it. She will make sure I never get a job anywhere!” I’m practically shitting myself right now. I’m struggling to slam my clothes into my handbag. I wore James’ shirt like a dress since it was long enough to be, I was in such a hurry I didn’t have time to put my skirt on. I’ve stepped on the back of my heels ruining the shape and am now having a hard time getting a cab.

“That is straight out of a movie, Y/N.” she replies I hear shuffling from the receiver, she’s probably cooking breakfast. “He looked like an angel, how could someone so evil give birth to a beautiful human being?” Finally, a cab stops for me.

“That’s what I said to myself too! I’ll tell you more when I get there, I’ve got a cab”, I get in and the driver looks at me through the rear view mirror, my walk-of-shame looks too obvious to ignore.

“Okay, I’m making pancakes.” I am the luckiest roommate ever! I raise my eyebrows at the driver and say “What? Step on it”, he rolls his eyes, and I tell him where to go as he hits the gas.

“Mmm, this is sooo good, I might just have to ask you to be my wife” Wanda laughs as she places another pancake on my plate. I’m holding a fork with my right hand and a half-eaten bacon with my left.

“You know, if he’s the bachelor you described him to be, you don’t really have to feel guilty about anything. He’s probably used to runners like you,” She’s trying to ease my guilt over leaving him after sex, I really don’t want to be that person but this is a different matter. It’s the life and death of my career, my career which hasn’t even started yet!

“I stole his shirt too.”

“He’s rich, he’s probably used to people stealing stuff from him too.” a smile escapes my lips only for it to go back to an ugly frown.

“You’re right, and I did leave him a sticky note… Gosh it makes me look stupid! I shouldn’t have let my nice ass leave him a note, he probably won’t even read it.”

“Another thing for you to forget”

“And I thought last night’s tequila slamming contest was the solution to shooing my problems away.” I say as I take a bite of the last of my pancake.

My phone’s buzzing. Ugh, who could it be? I glance at the screen and it says W. Barnes. Shit! Did he already tell her? He’s way too old to be running to his mom, right? Did I tell him my real name?! Did I tell him my name? Does he remember my name? Holy shit, it’s rang thrice now, Winnie’s gonna be pissed. I hit on the answer button.

“What took you so long? I need you at the office in an hour, I have a meeting later and I need you to be there to write the transcript.” her icy voice beaming through my phone’s speakers. Relief rains over me, but I’m still confused, I’m supposed to have the day off.

“But I thought I had today off?” I mutter and I immediately regret it.

She laughs, “Naive child, I know, but I need you and you work for me,” she says in a sing-song voice, and immediately morphs into the robot I’ve come to know and hate, “In an hour, Y/L/N.” and drops the call. Think positive, at least I didn’t get busted over hooking up with her son. I mean, it could’ve been a lot worse, coming to work on a fucking weekend shouldn’t bother me.

I turn to Wanda’s wide-eyed face and I shrug my shoulders, “She wants me to come to work for a meeting.” Her shoulders relax and I run to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready.

I wear a silk orange camisole, high-waisted jeans which my ass look pretty darn good in, put on white converse sneakers and pull my hair up in a bun. It’s the weekend, and Winifred allows employees to wear casual outfits to the office during these days, the only rule I like that came from her. I grabbed my tote bag and gave Wanda a kiss on the cheek before heading out. The office isn’t too far from the apartment, and I like walking. I feel like I’m being healthy by moving my feet, and besides, walking with my earphones on, drowning my surroundings, make me feel like a runway model. A no-poise runway model. My phone notifies me of a text, it’s from Winnie, she wants me to grab the coats for tomorrow’s fitting at the local Balmain outlet and not be late. No worries, it’s on the way, If I take a ten-minute detour. I wrinkle my nose and mentally scream my boss’ name.

I managed to get into the office building fifteen minutes early and I ran to the elevator just as the doors were about to close. “Hold the elevator!” a hand reaches out to stop the doors, I get in and mutter a “thank you” and press floor number 30. Catching my breath, practically panting, I look up and breathe, the elevator ceiling covered by reflective glass. I immediately look down. What have I done so wrong in my past life to have a miserable one at present? I’m slowly moving to the back, lifting the coats I was carrying to cover my face, careful not to attract the eyes of the man inside the elevator with me. Its James Buchanan fucking Barnes, with his good hair, good smell, and amazing back and me, awkwardly moving behind him. Last night’s laid-back look is now replaced with a posh upper east side vibe. He looks like a snack either way, I mentally slap myself for having thoughts like this at a time like this. The elevator pauses and opens on the 6th floor and a group of 5 middle aged corporate looking, and speaking people come in, which makes James move to the back. Great, 24 more floors to go. I struggle to hide and I move to the far-right corner at the back, hoping I’m not too obvious. I’m fiddling with the coats and I see one with a hood. I lift it up and gently put it over my face. I look really stupid right now, but I’m so nervous. And me being nervous in a confined space is not good. I don’t see anything anymore, with a hood over my face, and the elevator woman in the speaker announces we’re on the 17th floor where two more people go in. Are you kidding me?! I’m sweating buckets. I’m glad I wore a sleeveless top or my pits would’ve looked soaked with a shirt on. I shuffle as more people get on, and the hood falls from my face. Panic takes over me with him squished at the back almost leaning at the elevator wall, I excuse myself and move a little bit to the front. He won’t recognize my back, right? I mean, it was dark at the club last night, and I was naked at his place. He wouldn't know what my back would look like dressed in an orange camisole with my hair up now wouldn’t he?

“27th floor” the elevator lady says. Okay 3 more, I lift the coats higher, hugging them like they’re my 9-year old teddy bear collection. 28, 29 – oh no, I hear him excuse himself from the other people in the elevator to get closer to the door. I’m starting to move closer to the door too, but my face is practically an inch away from it, there’s nowhere else to go. 30! The elevator doors open and I sprint. I look like a bear who’s just gone from hibernation and has caught tons of fish to take home to her cubs. I’m running and I hear him say something but I don’t look back.

“I see you’ve gotten the coats I’ve requested, just hang them on the racks,” good morning to you too, Winnie. I begin hanging when I feel her cold gaze on me, have I forgotten something? Did she say Balmain? Balmain wouldn’t just give me these coats if it weren’t what Winnie called for right? What did I do wrong this time?

“I thought I told them to include the snake skinned one,” shoot! I remember that, it’s gotta be here somewhere.

“Looking for this?” I hear him, it’s him. I’m dead, can I hide in a coat, surely one of the closets here is a portal to Narnia, right? “Your assistant was pretty much in a hurry, she dropped it at the-“ *thump* I accidentally drop a hanger, his last word spoken a lot slower “-elevator” he raises his eyebrows at me, a combination of surprise and confusion now covering his face. He looks amused. I looked back at him, wide eyed and gave a nervous smile with a pretty unconvincing shrug that spells I’m not okay.

“Oh! My dearest James, you’re here early!” Winifred giddily says as she hugs James placing a kiss on both his cheeks. “I thought you wouldn’t be here until after lunch?”

James looks in my direction, smirking. “I thought I was gonna have breakfast with someone, but she bailed on me at the last minute” his eyes looking down. So, he was gonna have breakfast with me! Damn Winnie, why does she have to take every happy thing from me. I blush and look away and continue fiddling with the hangers not really needing to but I have no idea what to do. I shouldn’t just stand here, I should at least pretend I’m busy.

“Whoever that woman was, is stupid enough to turn down eating with my beautiful son.” Damn right, Winnie.

“I doubt it, mother. She probably has a good reason.” he licks his lips as he takes another glance at me. I bite mine, I feel guilty. Is he guilt tripping me?! But he sounds really nice and forgiving. He doesn’t seem bad, and he hasn’t still told his mom about me. He would if he was a jerk, right? I’m a mess. “She even left a sticky note on my table, I thought it was really cute.”, I’m blushing like crazy, I need to get out of here, I feel so guilty with him being so nice about it while having an indirect conversation with me.

“I’ve taught you so much about the finer things in life and here you are amused by a sticky note,” Winnie jokes as James shakes his head. I take this moment to excuse myself.

“Uhm, if you need me, I’ll be in the- uh, outside. I’ll be outside, at my desk,” she gave me an irritated look, told me to be useful to someone else present at the office and return an hour before the actual meeting and I turned to the door. I feel James’ eyes on my back burning a hole through me.

I resist the strong urge to call Wanda and tell her about how things have definitely just gone wrong. But is it really wrong? James pretty much seems nice about it, I mean he looked hurt but I’m just an assistant, I’m sure he’s been with richer, Barbie-doll looking girls. He was probably just playing with me, having a good time finding out that the girl he brought home last night was none other than his mother’s assistant. I’m searching through my desk looking for things to do and can’t seem to find anything. The meeting’s been rescheduled to 7PM, at the Eleven Madison Park which of course, Winnie didn’t bother telling me that she knew it was rescheduled before she even called me to come in for work. I see her and James having a good conversation seeing as how Winnie’s lips are pretty much touching her ears. I need to get out of the office, I see Nat, one of my co-workers, she’s part of the creative design team, her red hair bouncing as she was walking.

“Hey, Nat!” she turns surprised that she’s not the only one in the floor.

“Y/N! Let me guess,” she looks through Winnie’s office through the glass wall, “last minute errands?”

“Exactly. Uhm, uh- Nat, do you have any work to do outside the office? Like sourcing, or pickups or coffee fetching, I could do it!” I was speaking too fast, by the time I finished she was laughing.

“I’ve just done all those things before I got here, you trying to be employee of the month or something?” hopeless.

“I just don’t wanna stay in the office today, just thought I could help my favorite girl with some stuff!” I grab her shoulders and pull her into a hug, “I need to get out of here for a couple of hours” I whisper, desperation clear in my voice.

She chuckles, not understanding what the hell was happening. “Okay miss, busy bee. Samuel’s making me go with a friend of his for a fitting. It’s for a photo shoot, something about 30 under 30. It’s in 15 minutes. Vision’s gonna drive you, I’ll call him now and tell him you’re switching with me.”

“THANK YOU!” she shushes me as I suffocate her into a hug. She hands me the paper with the memo and instructions and I run to the elevator and hit the upper ground floor.

I get to the ground floor with a new-found confidence. Ha! Goodbye my dearest James and Winnie, I’m going to forget last night even happened. I see the car and wave at Vis as he greets me with a smile and ushers me to the back seat. And now we wait, I’d rather be with another male model than the very career-risky man upstairs with his mother. After about ten minutes Vision asks me,

“What’s that on your neck, Miss Y/N?” Fuck, I forgot to cover my hickey with makeup earlier.

“Looks good on her, huh? It’s my work of art,” I hear someone get into the seat beside me. It's him. He gives me a wink and turns to Vision, who’s now seated at the driver’s seat. He says it quietly just enough for Vision not to hear it. My cheeks are a flush of red, my heart is beating so fast, this is not happening, this is not happening.

“Good morning, Sir James, are we all set?” Vision eyes us through the rear-view mirror, I look like I’ve just got strapped to a roller coaster against my will with James smiling, really enjoying himself.

“Yeah, step on it, we don’t wanna be late for the fitting.” He nods at Vision, and continues, but now has turned his face in my direction, “and please, call me Bucky” his teeth displayed as he lets out a silent laugh.

Talk about giving someone a night they won’t forget.

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