#{screaming into the void} what am i Doing

[a-wondering-thought]

Now im not saying i would ever be an arsonist but im not not saying that sometimes i want to set a building on fire and watch as the flames grow and flicker around me and hear the flames start to roar and turn different colours as i watch mesmerized by them and they inch closer but still i dont really notice because how can something this beautiful be so deadly and if i do its too late and as the fire catches on to my clothes i look up at the sky and wonder for the last time..

[spinjitsuburst]

ramble about ur favs i wanna hear abt ur thoughts -zaptrap

HAN’S INFODUMPING ABOUT JAY... START!!!!

so like sgdkdhdkdhd I say Jay and Lloyd are my “favorites” but honestly it’s so hard to pick favorites out of this skittles squad like I love EVERY character for a variety of different reasons. I was going to also infodump about Lloyd but then I started talking about Prime Empire and then this post got. Long. So. it's just Jay I may infodump about Lloyd another day especially since I'm very Conduit Brained Rn but yea yea!

this is long so i'm putting most of it under the cut so y'all don't kill me for making a huge long post

I considered putting Zane and Sora on here as well since I’d also consider them my “favs” but like this is already gonna be. A lot of. Infodumping (also i typed THIS part before I even started and decided not to yell about Lloyd because this already got long enough). Maybe I’ll make a separate post for those two hmm hmm much to consider but for now MY (technically) FAVORITE NINJAGO CHARACTER: JAY WALKER

THE SPARKPLUG WHO INVADED MY BRAIN LIKE A PARASITE

so hey his name is a pun this makes me laugh ridiculously hard every time I remember he is named. After a misdemeanor HSKSHDKFH

Jay is such an interesting case of a character for me because I started out the show not liking him. Which is. Stares at my entire account I think my feelings have changed somewhat

Jay starts out as an asshole I don’t think anyone can disagree with me there (although honestly they’re all assholes in early ninjago they bullied a ten year old and left him dangling several feet off the ground) but over the course of the show you can see him start developing into a much more interesting character. He goes from being so insecure he's faking everything about himself to someone who knows who he is and is so genuine about it

now yea we could argue about whether his character was too uwu-ified post-season 10 but this is the FUN HAN POST SO WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT the point is you can SEE the growth that Jay has gone through and I am going to show you that growth through what I call

✨ The Skybound to Prime Empire Effect ✨

I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THE IDEA THAT PRIME EMPIRE WAS WRITTEN TO BE A DIRECT PARALLEL OF SKYBOUND AND WAS CENTERED ON SHOWING HOW THE NINJA ESPECIALLY JAY HAVE GROWN THROUGHOUT THE SEASON

when season 12 rolls around we are at the point in Jay's development where he is CONFIDENT in who he is. He's a fun-loving jokester with the power of lightning and the drive to help people whenever he can. He uses jokes and humor to help alleviate tension and get people through whatever's happening. And when on his own what does he do?

BECOME AN ENTERTAINER BABEY

i like to think jay's club in prime empire was a safe haven for anyone stuck in the game who figured out hey. we Can't Leave and felt freaked about it. Also Jay would generally try and spread the word that hey something ISN'T RIGHT HERE which would lead people to want to stay with him

(totally plugging my friend's fic but this kind of thing is explored in would you like to enter prime empire by @finn-m-corvex y'all should check it out cool cool)

also the prime empire shorts which i watched all of in the midst of typing this video cuz i love them go watch them please please please jay was publically fighting the red visors which I imagine may have raised some red flags for some players

THIS SOMEHOW TURNED INTO PRIME EMPIRE INFODUMPING LMAO ANYWAYS Jay's confident! He becomes an entertainer because it's who he knows he is! And it's something that will get people hyped and having fun, which is very in-character for Jay to do! He uses those kinds of things to mask the Bad Things going on and get people remembering what's good

I've talked about this sort of thing before but that's Jay's whole philosophy as early as season 9! Which is a DIRECT contrast to how he views it in season 6, as Nadakhan puts it scarily accurately

"You make jokes to mask the fact that you're afraid"

(i was gonna grab a screenshot for that like i did with the hunted scene but netflix has bloCKED THE ABILITY TO TAKE SCREENSHOTS THE WAY I USED TO and i don't have them already and i'm too lazy to grab them from elsewhere so alas trust me he says it)

making jokes to hide your fear and using humor to remind yourself of what's good and coping with the bad are two VERY different outlooks on it

so I think this outlook is what drives him to make this glamrock persona in the first place - this is a bad situation, one he's in with other civilians, and what better way to keep him and themself safe until the others get there than throwing a big performance at a safe place!

also it's just so gender okay I want to look like Superstar Rockin' Jay so badly

it's also interesting to see his outlook on his parents change over time! In season six he finds out Ed and Edna aren't his birth parents and feels upset about it, not understanding why his birth parents would've abandoned him. In season twelve, that outlook changing is EXACTLY why Jay's able to get through to Unagami

"I was abandoned by my parents, too!... I never understood why, and I never had the chance to even ask. But I always hoped there was a good reason. What if there's a reason?"

(again curse you netflix i wanted SCREENSHOTS whatever whatever)

It's this scene that gets Unagami to calm down long enough for Milton Dyer to get there, and presumably is what stops him from just. Flattening him and Jay like a pancake.

to piggyback off of this i absolutely adore how Unagami and Jay consider each other adopted brothers in that one book I still haven't read and I hope he's in Dragons Rising at some point Unagami is my favorite "villain" (no longer a villain) in the whole show he deserves more screentime

like this is where i found out about this and it's plagued my mind ever since. i need to read. this book just for them

SO YEA OKAY Prime Empire is "Who is Jay as a Person Post-Skybound" to me also it opens up so many fascinating things about Jay. I rest my case

so backpedaling a little bit. JAY CARES SO MUCH ABOUT HIS PARENTS GUYS IT'S SO SOFT AND I'M sobs

like yea the first episode with Ed and Edna in it has Jay avoiding them like the plague but this gets explained very easily when you remember he was bullied for his home life before he became a ninja. It makes a lot more sense why he wouldn't want them around his new friends, assuming they'd react the same way. Also how was he supposed to know literally all the rest of the groups parents were either dead, presumed dead, or had a toxic relationship with their kid lmao

(Cole calling his mom kills me. Cole's mom is dead. I know they probably just didn't think that far ahead when writing the dialogue but it's so funny mans pretended to call his dead mom to get on Jay for not appreciating his parents iconic behavior)

anyways literally every episode Ed and Edna are central to (except like the one in skybound) Jay stops at nothing to protect his parents and it means the absolute world to me he's so much like them!! They raised an inventive little nerd and he will stop at nothing to make sure they're safe and it's. It's SO IMPORTANT TO ME OKAY

ALSO this is an excuse to clip my favorite piece of dialogue possibly in the entire show. Except Netflix won't let me now. So you just get the text dialogue

Jay's just fallen from the sky with a messed up eye and is incredibly distraught that all his friends are captured. And his dad just. The woRLD IS FALLING APART AND HE'S EATIN' SOUP-

Ed i love you

anyways

anways anyways this just turned into me rambling about prime empire and then Ed and Edna and a lot of disjointed other stuff but thank you for this opportunity i was going to also ramble about lloyd but i put this post in a word count and

yea i think that's enough for a tumblr post anyways! If anyone wants any like. More logically thought out and direct thoughts about characters feel free to send me asks this was fun thank u @zaptrap for this opportunity to scream about jay

[allycat75]

Just a reminder of why I am here, lest you think I actually believe a certain Dumb Fuck from Boston is actually reading this blog.

In case it wasn't obvious, addressing specific posts to a particular person is but a literary device (such that it is on Tumblr). This blog is a way for me to scream into a void and if you don't like what I have to say, please respectfully leave and try to refrain from misrepresenting me on other blogs. I may not be your cup of tea, but I will not be minimized.

What I am screaming into the void about:

Mr. Dumb Fuck roped us all into this by trying to convince us he is stunningly happy in a relationship when it is obvious to almost anyone he is not (and if he is, he has to be the most toxic boyfriend/hubby ever). He even tried to help his cause by doing a bad job on purpose, but that act to save himself came crashing down on those who called out the Emperor who had no clothes, hard. Because when we pointed out the many obvious inconsistencies, we were branded as crazy, stupid and jealous. Then there is the gaslighting with changing timelines, photoshopped pictures, ghost sightings/weddings, poorly acted jump scares and general mindfuckery. He can't now un-invite us to the party because he doesn't like what we are saying. We will defend ourselves from lies and manipulation and not accept the negative labels thrust upon us. Too often, women are dismissed for being irrational and this stunt highlights the incredibly antiquated and misogynist trope.

The little wifey is an awful person and by tying himself to her like this he tacitly provides his approval to her racism, antisemitism, fatshaming, arrogance, immaturity, clout-chasing and entitlement, forever. That hypocrisy cannot go unnoticed considering his former stance on these subjects and his role as the face of the insipid ASP. I am a member of a few of the groups the wifey and her crew target so no one gets to tell me I am taking this too seriously or I am being too sensitive. As Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona discussed during a recent talk on an unimportant, ego stroking website, passiveness normalizes destructive behaviors and beliefs toward marginalized communities, at a time when we in those communities feel unseen or unprotected.

The fact that he looks absolutely miserable, with no light in his eyes, and discusses his life as if it is not his own is more than a little unnerving. This is in no way to shame him, but rather out of a genuine concern for his wellbeing. If I were to encounter someone on the street acting like he did as described in the near career ending GQ article, I would be compelled to call someone to assist this man in distress. And I don't buy the excuse of "he's just tired" or "he is working hard".  He is running from who he has become and doesn't know where to go.  These posts are a way for me to work out frustration of not being able to help someone who is in clear need of it.  And yeah, maybe it is none of my business, but just as if I ran into the GQ version of him on the street, I couldn't just stand by and do nothing. 

This circus also shows how his behavior parallels the issues of the world at large and how we accept things we shouldn't. We have kept quiet about unchecked privlege, intent vs. impact, performative activism, being child-like vs. childish, ageism, greed and corruption, mental illness and wellness, self awareness, the power and weaponry of sexuality, toxic masculinity and misogyny, generational wealth, integrity, alternative facts and emotional truths, misinformation and disinformation, imbalance of power, value placed on hard work, attributes of healthy relationships, preciousness of time, and the effects we have on our fellow mortals, all of which has got us to now, on the brink of societal destruction. And we see this epitomized in the microcosm of this shitshow. I use this blog and the unlikely, fucked up muse that inspired it to think about how we all cultivate our points of view and perhaps pressure test what they really mean to us and how we express them in our daily lives. Others who find my blog may feel lost and alone, as we all do at times, in need of some comfort or inspiration. While the quotes, infographics and articles may be very pointed, they are there for everyone to enjoy and interpret. The Song of the Day, however, is purely about me and what I woke up singing or feeling. Nothing to do with BDF, but still for everyone to appreciate.

So that's about it. I hope you have more clarity about what I am trying to accomplish and again, if you wish to be negative, you can see yourself out. Thank you! 👋

[lightbulb-warning]

i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself

[babygirlwolverine]

happiness is having someone comment that your writing is beautiful when you’ve been insecure to get back to writing again

[lizardboy66]

im deeply bored so here are all of my gay 911 thoughts for your entertainment.

OKAY SO

Idk about 911 being queerbait guys...i dont think it ever was. I think we have entered a new era of fanservice. Usually with queerbait, the creators and people involved in the show are quite vicious to shippers and queer fans generally, and any easter egg or "moment" feels like crumbs to keep us hooked enough.

911 acknowledged the shipping very very early. Like second half of season 2, and there has never ONCE been a joke at the expense of the concept of being gay, or about buck or eddie being queer. It was simply a nod, like "hey, we get it, you want it, thats all good."

Its not 2010 anymore, gay people are accepted and visible in a way that has never been a reality in the past. In fact, gay people, especially gay men, have come to be understood as a fantastic marketing tool.

This is where i get jaded and cynical, but listen the outcome is the same so stick with me here. Gay pairings and relationships = money is not a groundbreaking concept. It's why they did queerbait. But with stuff like supernatural, it seemed like a far greater risk to make the repressed men kiss than to piss of the queer fanbase. But times have changed. But since the age of queerbait, there has been a rise in gay romance content being made, and being made FOR the fangirls, boys and theys. Think Red, White and Royal Blue, or Heartstopper, or Young Royals, or Our Flag Means Death, or Good Omens. Gay isn't a risk anymore, its a marketing category with a level of guaranteed success. And not just in the global north, Boys Love content has been booming in places like Japan, Thailand, Korea for decades, but never more than now. TV companies in these places figured out very quickly that producing fluffy, comforting gay love stories earns them billions, and have not hesitated to seize this opportunity. My point being, gay dudes sell as fuck.

911 got cancelled and had to move networks. The budget is too high and they need to pull viewership and quick. I think their answer is canonise that ship! I couldn't tell you if that was there original intent, but i do believe that it would be far less lucrative to fuck over their viewer base. I could be wrong, this could be a crazy long game to make the fans trust the show, then pull the rug from under them. But i truly think we are past that point with shows like this.

911 is pure fluff! No one ever dies, if someone is hurt they recover quickly and with no complications, conflict is tame and easily resolvable, and everyone is a sickeningly good person. And the show is also about family, found family, unconventional families. I think originally, the unconventionality of the eddie, buck and chris family dynamic was that it is two men who are not together or married raising a child as coparents and friends. Which is a great story, but even better fanfiction fodder.

I think they are going to do it like the fanfiction. It's the easiest way to bridge the epistemic gap between the current cannon and the reality of both buck and eddie being queer and having feelings for each other. they could try and explain it in their own way, but the fans have already done it, and have clearly agreed on some elements of how this love story plays out, so i think that will be the route they go down. Currently my evidence is that Buck is now canonically bisexual. For some reason a lot of the ships people have have one bisexual and one gay, so the trope is being realised. My next piece of evidence is the catholic thing for eddie. This has literally never come up, its a fan invention, and its in the show now. The eddie and marisol plot line is slightly bizzare, but i think the reason for that is that it is eddie making sense of why he struggles so much to commit to the women he dates. Or its just a bad storyline and isnt very coherent. I guess we will see. My next evidence is the whole set up of Tommy. He is so clearly a way to push eddie and buck together in my opinion. From his introduction, he acts as a wedge between the two that neither of them can make sense of. Very love triangle energy. And my last evidence is all of those goddamn interviews. It seems no one can shut up about these fire fighters getting it on with each other. I feel if they weren't doing it, there would be more effort to shut down the clowning gently, as they have done previously.

In conclusion, i too am a clown. My theory has rocky foundations, a rocky middle and an equally rocky conclusion. I am so tired and delulu right now. I'm with you girlies, this is stressful.

[boxwinebaddie]

i feel like i’ve written some version of divorce era kyle describing how frightening looking at a stan he thinks HATES him is like A Million Times, but i feel like i can never articulate the quiet mounting Horror quite right, but this is the one i like the best thus far, i think? xx

[distant-screaming]

got emotional thinking about akkaye again. the way aye, on the rooftop, watching this gorgeous boy he loves in tears hurting because of who he is - aye, on the rooftop, holding onto akk's hand so tightly like he's trying to keep him from slipping away -

(the way aye sits on the beach with anger and desperation settling in his throat and stares at the band around akk's arm like a betrayal) (the way he tries to make sense of what akk is thinking, why he is doing this) (the way he protects akk even though he has no reason to) (the way he has never hated akk, not really - only hated the institution he is a part of)

- the way aye holds him close and says 'it's okay'. he says 'I want you to love yourself'. he says 'I love you'. the way he says 'it's okay, it's okay, it's okay'.

the way aye loves like forgiveness and promise and safety and understanding all at once.

[transsexualhamlet]

reading the procedure for trying to change ur name as a fucking taxpaying adult in this state:

publically humiliate yourself

pay a fee (amount not disclosed)

publically humiliate yourself in front of a judge

pay a fee (amount not disclosed)

publically humiliate yourself in front of the entire county for a duration of three (3) weeks

pay a fee (amount not disclosed)

pay another fee (amount not disclosed)

knock on the door of everyone in your entire town and tell them your full legal birth name where you live that you're trans and how to find and kill you

pay another fee (amount not disclosed)

if the judge deems you transgender enough change a bunch of forms

pay another fee (amount not disclosed)

and they call us a good state for trans rights.... ok man

[eggymf-archived]

professor garreth weasley is a goddamn machine. 5 rounds and counting for god’s sake-

[alltheshadesofamber]

CHRONIC RECURRING LAZARUS PIT MADNESS ISN’T REAL, CHRONIC RECURRING LAZARUS PIT MADNESS ISN’T REAL, CHRONIC RECURRING LAZARUS PIT MADNESS ISN’T REAL, AND IT WASN’T A PIT SIDE EFFECT THAT JASON TODD WAS SHOWN TO GET WHEN HE WAS HEALED ANYWAY! JASON TODD DID BAD THINGS AND HE CHOSE TO DO THEM! HE’S NOT A SAD LONELY LITTLE IMPRESSIONABLE BABY WHO CAN’T MAKE HIS OWN DECISIONS OR EXCERCISE ANY SELF-CONTROL! STOP TAKING AWAY HIS AGENCY! STOP MAKING HIM A BORING GUILT-RIDDEN WOOBIE! JASON TODD STANDS BY EVERYTHING HE’S DONE AND HE DID IT ALL BECAUSE HE WANTED TO! SHUT UP ABOUT LAZARUS PIT MADNESS ON MY POSTS!

[frogaroundandfindout]

“It happens before I have time to question it. A maneuver that comes without thought. Executed as practiced. And practiced many times in the cave. To complete it I’m forced to leave myself undefended from an attack. An attack from the redhood. But the attack doesn’t come. He just takes cover from the blast. Like practiced.”

In battle against Captain Nazi and Hyena, Jason leaps at Bruce with his hand out. Without thought, Bruce grabs it and flings Jason in the air to give him the height to throw batarangs down at Captain Nazi. Bruce completes the move by tossing explosives into the barrage while Jason takes cover. Just as they practiced while Jason was Robin. (Batman #647)

[dir7eater]

imagine this: youre a regular old republican and you don’t like biden so you plan on voting for trump, you like him because hes doing the hard work for this country and is gonna fix biden's inflation which has been hitting you kinda hard. you dont like migrants or trans people because they scare you, and you dont really understand the foreign policy stuff but you trust his word that he will fix ukraine and israel because hes charismatic and can do that because he has a lot of inflence. your facebook feed gives you stuff about qanon and other conspiracy theories, but you kinda brush most of it to the side. they have some good points but you’re not a full blown believer.

you just watched trump get shot grazed by a bullet. as he’s getting dragged into a car by secret service you see him pump his fist and yell “fight fight fight”.

(this part is speculative) you hear that the shooter was a leftist who hated trump. you hear that the shooter is trans or a migrant or a woman or a black person or mentally ill or other identity that you don’t know or understand. you hear that the shooter was hired by biden. you hear all this from anywhere, trumps PR, facebook, it doesn’t matter.

you feel worried, but you don’t know how to express that. you hear a ton of stuff from everyone around you. you make some of your own assumptions, that trump is stronger because he’s survived, and the left is weak because they had to resort to violence. you hear assumptions from others, that trump got too close to power and the left had to put him down before he did, that it’s all a big conspiracy done by the jews. but whatever you hear, it’s solidified in your mind that he is the leader of this silent majority that you’re always hearing about, that he’s the only one who’s good for this country.

this is not the only sort of person who could be radicalized by this.

imagine you’re a self proclaimed centrist. you don’t like choosing sides and aren’t that concerned with politics. you like to say that you see merit to both sides of the aisle! and you want more cooperation! you don’t watch the news that much, but you get some stuff on your tik tok and instagram and twitter. you see a ton of stuff about this shooting and get really worried. you feel sad for trump and you agree with all those statements everyone is putting out. that it’s terrible tragedy and it really shows the true colors of some of the left and extremism. you hear all the speculation about the shooter and about how he’s a leftist and you think to yourself, "wow, you know I was considering biden and the left side canidates but if someone from their side could resort to violence over this, i cant vote for that lack or morals"

and what’s even scarier is the things i’m actually seeing right now.

“oh that looks so staged” “trump’s team planned this” these are conspiracy theory guys. please don’t start saying this without hard truth to back this up. please please please. this is coming from someone who is against trump and his ideals, we can do better than this guys.

what i’m trying to say is this shooting is coming at a terrible time of polarization. that conspiracy stuff like this is going to spread because of the echo chambers and social media and everything right now. there is so much potential that could make everything a lot worse in the US. just be aware.

[tardis--dreams]

Around 9pm i decided to give up on my term paper for that day and go to bed instead since i haven't had much sleep lately. It's almost 3:30am now.

Anyway, I'm rewatching beyond evil

[mx-heartacoustic]

Why the fuck do I exist? Did God create me just to ruin others? I’m the cause of so much problems. If I didn’t fucking exist maybe things WOULD be better. Why the actual fuck did I do this. I’m a terrible fucking person. I wish I could just go to sleep & never wake up. Everything I fucking do ruins others. I ruin everything. Literally. How the fuck did I even get here? How am I still alive? Fear of death? Spite? I’m not sure. But I don’t want to be here anymore. I wish I could jump from the school rooftop & never look back. It’s so tempting. One day, I’ll try. Maybe by then I’ll have fixed all my mistakes.

[hannibalismos-jaaneman]

(un)popular opinion: matrix should have been a standalone.