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love-and-monsters · 3 years

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Alaris the Naga

Agender naga X GN reader, 6872 words.

You need a date for your workplace party, but the only person you can find is your roommate, a somewhat shy naga. Well, surely faking a relationship with them won't spark anything. Right?

You fixed your hair, carefully combing the short strands into some vague approximation of neatness. A cowlick poked up at the back of your head. You fiddled with it again and again, trying to drive it back down.

“Here. Let me.” The voice that came from behind you was soft, almost melodic, the sort of voice you would expect from someone who used their voice to make a living. Your housemate placed their hands on either side of your head, tilting it slightly. The touch made something in your chest stutter.

“Did you sleep on your hair funny?” they asked. Their voice was perfectly casual as they snagged a spray bottle from the sink and wetted your hair. Their voice was always infuriatingly casual when they touched you. Did they have to work as hard to keep it steady as you did?

“Something like that,” you said. Fortunately, you’d had enough practice, so your voice came out casual and unconcerned. “I fell asleep on my desk.” Their fingers smoothed your hair back into alignment. You weren’t sure whether that shiver that worked its way down your spine was due to the cold water dripping down your scalp or due to their touch alone.

They tutted. “Never mind your hair, you’re going to wreck your back sleeping like that! Your bed’s only three steps away from your desk. Surely you can make it there before you pass out.”

Despite the teasing words, you could detect the genuine concern that undergirded their voice. “I wasn’t intending to pass out. It was just that there was a lot of work and I-”

They sighed, somehow making it loud enough to overcome your words. “I keep telling you to take a break from all that! Good lord, you spend ten hours a day at the office and then you bring it all home with you anyway.”

You rolled your eyes. “We can’t all be our own boss, Alaris.”

“Hey, it’s not all fun and games, managing my own job. You know how hard it is to get deadlines done? I know the guy who sets them, and they’re full of shit.” Alaris petted the back of your head a couple more times. Was it to smooth down your hair some more? Just to touch you? A casual action with utterly no hidden motives that you were overthinking? Who could say.

“Look, in a couple of weeks, we’ll be done and we’ll have a big ‘end-of-season’ party, and then we’ll all be good.”

“I hope you’ll actually take some time off after that,” Alaris sighed. The took you by the shoulders and turned you to face them. Their nails were long, scratching slightly at your arms. You could feel the cool sensation of their scales even through your dress shirt. “Take a break. I’m always worried I’ll go into your room and find you on the ground, your body finally having given out under the strain.”

“I’ll be fine,” you said. “I get a full three hours a night. You don’t need to worry.”

Alaris huffed and waved their hand at you. “Just take care of yourself. Maybe once this is all over you can actually make the time to be a guest on my podcast.”

Their podcast was massively popular online, and the main source of their income. There was often some teasing that they could sit at home in their pajamas all day, chatting to a microphone, and make pretty much the same amount of money you did. Then again, you weren’t entirely sure you wouldn’t go insane if you had the same lifestyle, so you weren’t all that jealous.

“We’ll see,” you said. “I really do have to go, though. I’ll see you later.”

They waved and you snagged your work laptop before heading out the door. It was a bit of a jog to make it to the bus stop.

As soon as you sat down, your phone buzzed in your pocket. You sighed, fishing it out, but instead of an impatient text from your boss, there was a message from Alaris on screen.

A: You forgot to eat breakfast! ☹

A: Do you want me to bring you something? I can swing by your work real quick.

You smiled at their sweetness. They were always ready to do some kind thing for you.

Y: Don’t bother. They’ll probably have granola bars in the break room or something. But thank you.

A: Are you sure? A granola bar isn’t exactly a filling breakfast.

Y: I don’t want to take up your time.

A: I work from home, remember? I can do whatever I want.

Y: Are you using me as a way to procrastinate?

A: Busted. But I can still bring you something?

Y: No. Get your work done.

A: ☹

The texting conversation took up enough of your commute so by the time you received the last text, you were ready to disembark. You walked inside the office, giving a quick wave to your coworkers, and sat down at your desk.

As it turned out, you didn’t get the opportunity to eat anything once you were at work, because you were immediately drowned in a tidal wave of work. When you finally surfaced, it was nearly five hours later, and your stomach was growling wildly for something to eat.

Exhausted and bleary-eyed, you stumbled into the tiny break room and grabbed a granola bar at random. You took a bite and grimaced. Raisins. Gross.

One of your coworkers, a tall satyr with a tidal wave of curly hair, stepped into the room. “Hey, Sadie,” you said, rubbing a hand over your head. “How are you doing?”

“Tired. Just like everyone else.” She slumped into the seat across from you. “I’ve been trying to plow my way through the work I’ve got so I can get out early and actually change into something nice for my date.”

You stared at her. “You decided to go on a date now? Why would you do that?”

Sadie gave you a strange look. “I’ve got to find someone to go to the end-of-season party with me.”

You almost choked on your granola bar. “You need a date for that?”

Sadie pulled a face. “I mean, you don’t need one, strictly speaking. But a bunch of people started talking about bringing one and it turned into this whole thing, so now I feel like I should bring one. You know, I don’t want to look like the only person who’s not dating.”

“How does anyone have time to date right now?” you asked. Sadie shrugged.

“I dunno. A lot of people are married, apparently. So. I’m going to get a date. I suggest you get one as well. It’ll look good for office politics and all that. And also, you won’t look like a loser who can’t get a date.”

“It’s not that I can’t get a date,” you huffed into your cup of gross break room coffee. “It’s that I’m just not trying.”

“Yeah, sure, everyone will buy that,” Sadie said. “Like I said, you don’t need one. But it’ll probably look good. It makes you look promotable, and not like a loser.” She caught sight of your expression. “Hey, look, I’m not fond of it either. Maybe you can just get someone to come for the night? Get an escort or something.” She stood and clopped out of the room, her hooves hitting on the linoleum floor.

You groaned and leaned over the break room table. Figured. Now you needed to juggle work with finding someone to go to an office party with. You briefly considered just not going, but your boss took these sort of events seriously, for reasons far beyond your comprehension. If going with a date was expected, then you were going to go with a date. You had not put in hours and hours of work just to not get promoted.

It was well past seven when you dragged yourself home. Alaris was bent over the kitchen table, fiddling with their laptop. They waved their tail at you in greeting, not looking up from their work. “Welcome back.”

You made a noise somewhere between a groan and a grunt in response. Alaris lifted their head. “Bad day?” they asked.

“Something like that.” You put your laptop back on its charger and slouched over to the table.

“I saved you some dinner,” Alaris said. “I can heat it up for you, if you want?”

“Thank you,” you said. “Alaris, you’re an angel.”

They puffed up their chest with pride as they slithered across the kitchen. “I’m just helping out. I mean, it’s not much more effort to cook for two, and I know how hard you’ve been working.”

“I promise, I’ll get you something nice with the bonus check I’ll get when this is all over,” you said without lifting your head from the table. There was a heavy thump that suggested Alaris was wagging their tail in pleasure.

“You don’t have to. Really, I’m just trying to be a good housemate.” There was a hum as the microwave started up. “Do you want to talk about your day at work?”

“Ugh.” You lifted your head and thumped it against the table.

Alaris slithered back over to you. “That bad, huh?”

“I mean, the work itself wasn’t bad. It was pretty much the same as normal.” You lifted your head. Alaris was looking down at you with obvious concern. They had always been particularly emotive- it was that sort of openness and charm that made them so popular.

“Then did something happen with your coworkers?” they probed. You grimaced. “Is that a yes?”

“You know, for someone who deliberately picked a job where you have no coworkers, you seem awfully interested in mine,” you grumbled. Alaris shrugged.

“Work drama is at least three times more fun when you’re not involved in it. Why do you think I keep you around? Perfect story fodder.” Alaris winked and you rolled your eyes. “Maybe it’ll make you feel better to talk about it? I can at least help you come up with solutions.”

“I’m pretty sure no one can help me,” you grumbled. “Sadie told me today that- well you know that office party?”

“The end-of-season party,” Alaris said. “I’m familiar.”

“Well, apparently, a bunch of people are bringing dates, so now the whole thing is basically a couples party. And my boss loves that sort of stuff, so it won’t look great if I don’t show up with anyone.” The microwave beeped behind you. Alaris ignored it. “So, basically, I need to find a date in the next two weeks while not falling behind on all my work. Which is basically impossible.”

“You’re looking for a date?” Alaris asked. There was something weird, almost strangled in their voice. You looked at them, but their expression was carefully blank.

“I guess. Not that I have the time or the energy for it.”

Alaris shifted, scratching their nails across the table. “I could, er. Try to set you up with someone? Possibly? I have a couple friends who live close by. They might be willing to help?”

You pulled a face. “Well, see, that’s the other problem. I don’t really want to go to the party with a stranger. We’re supposed to act like a couple, aren’t we? I don’t feel like I could do that with someone I don’t know.”

Alaris made a noise of amusement. “Have you ever heard the saying ‘beggars can’t be choosers?’”

“I’m not begging yet,” you said. “You’ll know when I’m begging.”

Alaris smiled and shook their head. “Sure. Make sure to eat your dinner before it gets cold again. I’m going to finish editing the next episode.” They settled back in at their spot at the table and slid their headphones on over their ears. You stood up and fetched your dinner from the microwave. It was good, as per usual. Along with their other talents, Alaris was a good chef, and they made sure you had something good to eat at all times. In terms of housemates, they were definitely the best one you’d ever had.

After you finished eating, you went back to your room and kept working on your work. At nearly midnight, Alaris knocked on your doorframe. “Hey. Are you going to bed anytime soon?”

“Soon,” you said, barely looking up from your laptop. Alaris made a soft noise of disbelief in their throat. “I’ll go to bed before three.”

“Go to bed now!” Alaris flicked the lights off. You groaned and hunched closer to your computer. “You’re not supposed to look at a computer screen with the lights off!”

“Then turn the lights back on!” you called back.

“Go to sleep!” Alaris slithered into the room and draped a blanket over your shoulders. “Go to bed. Your work will still be there in the morning.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m concerned about,” you groused. But the blanket on your shoulders felt irresistibly heavy and the weight went right to your eyelids. They drooped so much that you could barely see the screen. You yawned so widely your jaw cracked.

“Come on. To bed with you,” Alaris said. They took you by your shoulders, guided your out of your desk chair, and nudged you over to your bed. The feeling of their touch on you was comforting. A vague idea tickled at the back of your mind, but you were too tired to chase it down and interrogate it. “Get some sleep,” Alaris said. Their voice was far away. “You’ll feel better in the morning.”

As soon as your head hit your pillow, you were out like a light.

You woke with your head fuzzed and confused. Somehow, getting enough sleep had made you even more tired than staying up the whole night would have. Mumbling curses against Alaris, you struggled through as much work as you could manage before you needed to leave. Stumbling into the kitchen, you found a bagel suddenly thrust into your front.

“Eat this on the way to work,” Alaris said. They looked stern, but also concerned in equal measure. “And you have a good lunch, right?”

“You don’t need to fuss over me,” you said. “I’m not a child.”

“I’ll stop fussing when you learn to take care of yourself properly,” Alaris said. That thought from last night started to tickle at your brain again. It was still tiny, a little whisper of a thought, but it was stronger. You pulled at it, trying to turn it into something concrete. Before you could, Alaris nudged you toward the door. “Go on. You’ll be late for the bus if you don’t go soon.”

“Right.” You smoothed down the front of your shirt. “I’ll see you later.”

Alaris waved as you headed out the door. Even as you headed toward the bus, you kept chasing after that little thought that was somehow escaping your full attention. It felt important. What was it?

A few hours later, you were slumped over the break room table, Sadie looking at you sympathetically. “Did you not get enough sleep last night?”

“I got sleep,” you said. Sadie snorted.

“Look, man, you gotta go to bed at a good time. If you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything,” she said. You shoved your head up with a groan.

“I actually went to sleep at a reasonable time last night. Alaris practically bullied me into it. But I think I felt worse than ever when I woke up.” You muffled a yawn into your hand and slurped down some coffee so thick and strong it was practically pudding.

“Oh, yeah, that happens. Your body gets used to not getting enough sleep, so when you actually manage to get a good night’s sleep, it freaks out and decides it wants to catch up all at once. Trust me, I dealt with that a lot in college. Just down a lot of coffee and you’ll be fine.” Sadie took a sip from her own mug. “Alaris is your roommate, right?”

You nodded. “Yeah. We’ve been living together for… I dunno. A while. It’s a good thing we’ve got going. They’re willing to deal with a lot of my shit, so. I like it.”

Sadie nodded, giving a delicate snort. “Sounds like they’re better than my last three boyfriends put together.”

That thought that had been tickling around in the back of your mind shoved itself forward at full force. You blinked a few times, startled. “Wait. Say that again?”

Sadie narrowed her eyes at you in confusion. “Uh, I said Alaris seems better than my last three boyfriends? They’re, like. Taking care of you. If I didn’t know any better, I’d probably think you were a couple.”

“Cool,” you said. The thought was demanding your full attention. It would work, wouldn’t it? As long as alaris agreed, you couldn’t see why it wouldn’t work. “Thanks for the talk. I’m gonna get back to work.” You left the break room without waiting for an answer, leaving Sadie frowning at your back.

As it turned out, you got very little work done. The thought commanded your full attention. If Alaris said yes, it would work. But that was if Alaris said yes. What if they didn’t? It was sort of asking a lot, even with the positive relationship you had. Would they be all right with it? Would it be unbearably awkward? The concerns flitted around your head like bees, preventing you from focusing on any of the work piled at your desk.

When you returned home, a bit earlier than you had for the past few days, Alaris was sitting in their usual position at the kitchen table, peering at their laptop. “You’re home!” they said, looking up in surprise. “Dinner’s almost ready. You’ll actually be able to eat it fresh for once.” They glanced at your face and their expression fell. “Oh. You look worried. Did something happen? Are you all right?”

“Everything’s fine. I just couldn’t focus, so I decided to come home a little early,” you said. “Actually, I had something I wanted to ask you.”

Alaris shrugged. “Sure. Just let me finish dinner, then we can talk.”

Dinner was a quiet, anxious affair. You fidgeted the entire time. Alaris kept glancing at you with obvious concern, but they didn’t say anything. They just waited for you to be ready to speak.

Once dinner was cleared away and the plates had been taken care of, Alaris fixed you with a firm glare. “Is everything all right?” they asked. “You’ve been looking at me strangely all through dinner. Is something wrong?” Their expression became even more creased with concern. “Something with work? What happened? I can support you if you need-”

“Alaris!” You cut them off, raising your voice enough to be heard over their frantic speaking. They stopped, staring at you. “You’re getting ahead of yourself. I didn’t get fired. Nothing’s wrong. I just want to ask you something.”

Their expression relaxed and they rubbed at the back of their neck. “Um. Heh. Sorry. Then why do you look so nervous, then?”

“I’m just…” You realized that there was no easy way to explain this and just shook your head. “I’ll ask you what I want to ask you and you’ll see why I’m nervous,” you said with a laugh. Alaris looked confused, but they nodded, gesturing for you to continue. “So, you know that we’ve got that work party, right?”

“Yes,” Alaris said. “The one you need to bring a partner too, right?”

“That’s the one. Er, and I don’t have anyone to go with me.”

“I did offer to try and find you someone,” Alaris said. “But you said-”

“I said I didn’t want to go with someone I didn’t know. I remember. And that still holds true. But I kind of had another idea at work. It’s something Sadie suggested to me. Well, she didn’t really suggest it, but she said something that made me think-” You cut yourself off, trying to stop the rambling before it got started. “Ugh, I’m getting nervous. I’m going to just come right out and say it. Alaris. I want to take you to the party as my date.”

Alaris’ mouth dropped open. You could see the sharp tips of their canines.

“Not as my real date,” you said, hurrying to explain. “I mean, you’d be going to the party as my date, but it wouldn’t be real. It would be, you know. You’d be pretending to be my date.”

Alaris’ mouth slowly closed. You saw their throat bob as they swallowed. “Er. Uh. You, uh. Want me to go to the party with you?” Their voice came out more strangled than you’d expected.

“Well, yes. I know we’re not dating, but most people at work don’t know that and it would be easier to pretend to be dating someone I know than it would be to pretend to date someone I don’t know. I would totally make it up to you, do all the house cleaning for a week or whatever you want.”

Alaris just stared at you, eyes so wide you could see the whites all the way around. “You don’t have to say yes,” you added. The way they were looking at you was starting to freak you out. It looked more like you’d cracked them across the head with a two-by-four than asked them on a fake date. “I just thought it would be a good idea- but if it makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to.” Alaris was flushed, red spreading across their face at a rapid pace. But they looked at you steadily regardless. “I- I was surprised, is all.” They swallowed and their blush started to recede down their face, though their ears were still bright pink. “Are you sure you want to ask me?” they added. “I am a podcaster. There’s a reason I don’t have an office job myself. Social interaction is… well, it’s not exactly my forte.”

“I really can’t think of anyone else I could be in a relationship with,” you said. The blush, which had been steadily going down, flared back into full force. It was probably a good thing Alaris wasn’t drinking anything, as it probably would have ended up spewed across the table. “I mean, I could, er, convincingly fake a relationship with.” Was that better? You weren’t sure. “So! You’re, uh. You’re okay with this?”

Alaris lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. “I do have a request to make in return.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

Alaris leaned across the table toward you. “I want you to finally be a guest on my podcast.”

You stared. “What, that’s it? Are you sure? I’m not exactly the most interesting person alive. I don’t think I’d make for a very good episode.”

“I’ve told my audience a lot about you. They’re curious. I think they’d be thrilled to finally get to speak with you. Or just to hear you speak.” Alaris smiled encouragingly at you. “That’s my price. Take it or leave it.”

“I’ll take it, I’ll take it,” you said, reaching across to shake their hand. “But I think I should still take you out for dinner or something.”

“If you want to,” Alaris said. They straightened up fully, their snaky tail wriggling underneath them. “Just let me know what I should wear.” They slithered out of the room, leaving you slumped over the kitchen table with relief.

It was a couple more weeks before the party, but you found yourself looking forward to it, strangely enough. The idea of going with Alaris was actually an appealing one. Even if parties weren’t your thing, at least you would be guaranteed to have a good time with someone you liked.

On the eve of the party, you dressed in a formal dress shirt and nice pants and knocked on Alaris’ door. “Are you ready to go?” you called. “You’re not going to stand me up, are you?”

“That might actually be a good cover story,” Alaris called back. “You had a date, but they stood you up. Might be able to play on their sympathy.”

“Are you trying to get out of this?” you asked. “It’s not going to be that easy. Back out now and you’ll never get me on your podcast!”

Alaris gave a series of giggly snorts. “A fate worse than death! I’ll be out in a minute.” There was some rustling and shifting from behind the door and then it creaked open. Alaris emerged from the room, head ducked shyly.

They were wearing a white shirt with a few glimmering buttons as accents. A skirt-like piece of clothing was attached to their waist, held up with a particularly fancy belt that glistened with gold bangles. Apparently, particularly nice belts were popular fashion statements among nagas. They also wore a small golden hoop on one of their ears, and their hair was teased up to look even more fluffy and soft than their natural style. “Is this the right style?” Alaris asked, smoothing down the front of their shirt. “I don’t go to many office parties, so I’m not sure what the dress code it.”

You opened your mouth to reply, but found it strangely dry. You had to swallow a few times before trying again. “Yes, I think you look great.” Alaris smiled, looking flattered. You offered them your arm, trying to recover. “We, uh. We should get going.”

Alaris’ fingers were cool on your arm as you headed out to the car you’d called. Usually the bus was cheaper, but you’d decided to splurge a little bit. Also, riding the bus could be uncomfortable for someone without legs, and the car specifically had accommodations for nagas.

You found yourself jittering as you headed toward the party. Alaris rested one of their hands on your elbow. “We’ll be fine. I’m sure that we’ll be able to convince them,” they said. You found yourself leaning into their comforting touch.

“You think you can convincingly act as my partner?” you asked, anxiety leaking into your voice.

“I-” Alaris’ expression flickered for a moment, then their smile returned, though it didn’t quite reach their eyes. “I think I’m a pretty convincing actor.”

Their confidence reassured you, and you leaned against their shoulder as you headed toward the party. Nerves still jumped in your chest, but Alaris kept a gentle hand on you, grounding you.

When you reached your office, you could see a few people milling around outside. Pretty much everyone was partnered up, including one couple off in a corner who seemed to be trying to eat each others’ faces off. You nudged Alaris and pointed them out.

“I guess if we really get tired of trying to mingle with people, we can just go to a corner and start making out.” Alaris made a choked noise and their face burned bright red. They looked so taken aback by it that you found yourself blushing as well.

“Uh, never mind. Let’s go inside.” You slipped out of the car and waited for Alaris to follow you. As soon as their full tail was on the ground, you started to walk toward the building, only to have your arm seized. “What? Something wrong?”

Alaris laughed at you, though it was so gentle and affectionate that you didn’t feel embarrassed. “You’re really not good at this, are you?” they said. “We should be walking in together, shouldn’t we?”

“Oh.” You felt your face grow warm again. This time, you offered your arm to Alaris, who took it and allowed you to lead them into the party.

It was loud, a dull roar of voices that you found grating. Alaris snuggled closer to you, arms tightening on your own. “More people than I was expecting,” they murmured.

“I guess if everyone brought a partner, then the usual population of the office would be doubled.” You carefully dodged a couple of people, threading your way through the crowd.

It took less than five minutes to get cornered by a coworker. You recognized them vaguely, a human who worked as an office manager and managed to be relentlessly cheery at all times. “It’s nice to see you here,” he said, grinning at you broadly. “I didn’t think you were going to come, you know. Parties don’t seem like your scene.”

You forced a smile as large as his was. “Well, I’m not a big partier, but I thought the occasion was good enough to come out. And there’s no reason not to show off my partner.” You gave Alaris a gentle squeeze.

Greetings were exchanged, and you were introduced to your coworker’s partner, another human who was just as smiley as he was. By the time you disentangled yourself from the conversation, you were feeling exhausted.

“Okay, see, this is why I don’t go to parties,” Alaris murmured into your ear. “So much talking about nonsense.”

“It’ll only be a few hours,” you murmured back. Your mouth was close to their ear, you noticed, almost brushing their skin. That hot flush crept up your face once more. “Er. Do you want something to eat?”

Food ended up being your temporary saving grace, since it was difficult to carry on a conversation with your mouth full of snacks. Still, your coworkers stopped by every few minutes to engage you in some kind of chatter. Alaris, for all their protests, was much better at small talk than they appeared to be. They were also quite good at pretending to be your partner. One of their hands was constantly hovering at your waist, fingertips trailing over your clothes. You found yourself hyperaware of their hand on your side, the brush of their shoulders against yours.

When it became clear that food was no longer going to save you from conversation, you looked for some other escape. Soft, slow music caught your attention, and you looked around to see that a makeshift dance floor had been set up in the middle of the office.

You nudged Alaris in the side. “Want to dance?”

Alaris looked down at their long, sinuous tail, then back up at you. “Are you sure you want to ask me to dance?”

“I’ve seen nagas dance before,” you insisted. It was true that it resembled the sort of swaying motion that snakes did before a charmer, but it was still something. “And you can’t be any worse than me.”

“Now you’re being modest. I’ve seen you dance,” Alaris said.

“The two years my mom forced me to spend in ballroom dancing never really left me,” you said. “But that means I’ll be a good leader for you. Just follow me.”

Alaris rolled their eyes, but allowed you to take their hand and guide them onto the dance floor. There was an open spot roughly big enough for the two of you fairly close to the center. You lifted the hand that was clasped in Alaris’ and settled your other hand on their waist. They fumbled uncertainly with their free hand for a moment before resting it on your shoulder.

You kept the dance simple, a slow four-step that allowed you to move in a loose circle. Alaris’ tail trailed behind them, and you were a little worried it was going to get stepped on, but the people around you seemed to be taking care not to.

Alaris leaned closer to you as you danced. Their head lowered to your shoulder and their free hand shifted to your back. Your face started to heat up. You could feel your heartbeat jackhammering away in your chest. Surely Alaris was close enough to feel it, but they didn’t make a mention. They just leaned into your body.

You glanced over their shoulder to see one or two of the other couples on the dance floor pointing your way and making ‘aww’ faces. Was that why Alaris was doing this? Because they wanted to make your couple act more convincing? The idea struck you like a knife through your chest, a startling pain that made you gasp.

Alaris pulled their head back. Their eyes roved across your face with concern. “What’s the matter? Are you all right?”

“I-” Your face felt like it was on fire under their scrutiny. Why had the idea that they were just pretending made something inside you twist and burn? You had asked them to pretend, after all. But suddenly the idea that all this was a farce, it ate at you. “Hold on. I need, uh. Some air. I’m sorry.”

Alaris looked bewildered, but you broke away and stumbled off the dance floor. You heard them calling after you, but you ignored them. Instead, you stumbled over to the door to the back of the office and pushed outside.

Cold air hit you like a bracing slap to the face. You gulped it in, appreciating the clarity. Away from all the other people and Alaris’ concerned gaze, you felt like you could think again.

What was that? All of a sudden, you were feeling things that you definitely shouldn’t have been feeling for your roommate. For your friend. Where had this come from? Surely it hadn’t been there all this time? You would have noticed it. Wouldn’t you?

No, you realized slowly. Because it hadn’t been a sudden drop into feeling all warm and fuzzy. It had been a slow, subtle shift of your feelings over the months that you’d known each other. And now that you were looking back, in hindsight, you could remember how eager you’d been to come home to them. How you’d felt so fond of them trying to take care of you. How much you craved the touch of their hands whenever they tried to help fix your clothes or smoothed down your hair. And, you realized, you would never have asked them to come with you if you hadn’t had some feelings for them.

The sound of the door opening behind you made you spin around. For a moment, you prepared to make an excuse to a coworker and shuffle back inside, but Alaris slithered out and you stopped breathing.

What were you going to say to them? A bolt of fear struck you. You had only just figured out how you felt about them. Would they even feel the same way? Were they just here with you as a friend? Maybe they were just a good housemate. That was possible. Maybe they-

“Hey.” Alaris’ voice cut through the whirling frenzy in your mind, soothing you just a little. They folded their hands in front of them, swaying awkwardly on their tail. “Are you all right? I just wanted to check on you.”

“Uh. Yeah. I’m fine.” You rubbed at the back of your neck. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

“It’s okay.” Alaris slithered over to you. “Are you done with the party already?”

Their voice was teasing and you laughed. “I was done with it before it started. But no. I’m going to go back inside in a couple of minutes. I just wanted to get some air. Er, if you’re done with the party, though, you can go. I wouldn’t want to keep you-”

“And abandon you? Never!” Alaris said. The immediacy of their response made warmth swell and flutter in your chest. For a moment, you gazed up at them, trying to convey your gratitude with just your eyes. They stared back, a flush slowly creeping across their face. They swallowed.

“Thank you for coming with me.” Your voice came out quieter than you expected. Alaris’ blush grew stronger, but they kept looking at you steadily. “I- I know it must be uncomfortable to have to pretend to date me, but-”

Alaris burst into laughter. You startled, staring as their upper half sagged forward with the heaving effort of their laughing. After a moment, Alaris stifled their giggles and gave you a weak smile, though it still crinkled their eyes at the corners.

“Er,” you said, a little confused. “Are you okay?”

“It was just sort of funny,” Alaris said. They reached out and tweaked a strand of your hair that was starting to cowlick up from your head. You felt your face flame. “It’s…” They abruptly closed their mouth, their sharp teeth coming down on their lower lip.

You had never been good at the silent dance of unsaid emotions. Most of the time, you stood in blissful ignorance of how you felt, but once you were sure what you felt like, you wanted to get it off your chest as soon as possible. “Alaris,” you said. “I- well, okay, this isn’t the best time to say it, but I’ve never been good at not saying things. I think… I think I’m realizing that I might have feelings for you.”

Alaris stared at you. There was no readable expression on their face. You continued. “I- that wasn’t why I invited you to come with me. At least, not intentionally. But I think I’m realizing that I’m so comfortable around you because I think I do like you. I’m- I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. I wouldn’t have asked you to fake date me if I really thought I had feelings for you, but I only just realized it and- what are you doing?”

Alaris had both hands pressed to their mouth. Their shoulders tremored with some sort of repressed emotion. You stared at them. It was so hard to make out their expression. Were they crying? Laughing? About to throw up? Oh, please let them not be blackout drunk- you did not want to have to repeat your confession.

Before you could ask if they were all right, they threw their head back and their peals of laughter echoed across the back of the office building. You blinked at them. “Sorry, sorry,” they said, putting a hand on your shoulder. “I- oh, this is very ironic and it’s pretty funny to me.” They wiped a few stray tears from their eyes. “I was afraid of going with you because I thought it would make you uncomfortable, but I couldn’t resist the idea of getting to spend time with you. Especially as a couple.” One of their hands came over yours and your breath caught as the implications sank in.

“You’re saying you wanted to come with me as a couple?” Your voice was embarrassingly unsteady. Alaris didn’t seem to mind, though. They just leaned their forehead against yours.

“I have had a crush on you since almost a week after you moved in with me,” they confessed. “Why do you think I kept trying to get you on my podcast? It was my very shallow, very transparent attempt to spend time with you.”

A relieved giggle burst from your lips. “Oh, my god. You’ve been in love with me the whole time and I just never noticed?”

“Give yourself a little break. You’ve been working yourself all but ragged,” Alaris said. “And I wasn’t exactly trying to be obvious about it or anything. But yeah. I get very domestic with the people I like.”

“I’ve noticed. I just thought you were being nice,” you said.

“Well, I was. I was just being nice only to you.” Alaris leaned closer to you. Their mouth was so close to yours. Impulse struck you and you leaned forward, pressing your lips against theirs.

Their mouth was a little dry and rough against yours, but it softened as they molded their lips against yours. Their hands came down, securing around your waist, and, to your immense surprise, they lifted you up. Instinctively, you wrapped your legs around their waist. They were a lot stronger than you were expecting, for someone who sat at a computer for a living.

Their tongue explored your mouth as they turned to press you against the wall. You had a brief flicker of concern that someone would come out and see you, but that dimmed as they pressed closer to you. A moan slipped from your mouth as they kissed you deeper.

After a few minutes, or a few hours, or some other strange length of time, Alaris broke away from you. You took a deep breath. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Are you sure?” Alaris asked. “I thought this was important to your job.”

“Fuck my job,” you said. “I want to spend time with you. Just the two of us.”

Alaris laughed and set you back on the ground. “Ooh. You know, if we’re dating, you have to come on my podcast now.”

“Fine, fine,” you said. “But not tonight. Tonight, I want to try some things that would not be allowed to go to air.”

Alaris grinned, took your hand, and started to pull you back toward the parking lot.

#exophilia #naga lover #naga #fake dating #fake relationship #monster lover #reader insert

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lovely-necromancy · 3 years

Text

A Cure for Insomnia CH.9

TW Purposeful misgendering of MC, and overall skeevy first POV.

MC is agender and here I started this chapter with the POV of someone out right misgendering them.

Capital He/Him pronouns are associated with Slender.

He was angry, but then again when wasn't He. You've wasted too much time on “laying low”. And now He's getting impatient, you're starting to hear whispers about potential replacements and incompetency. First you fuck up your mission then you gave Him the subpar sacrifice of that dumb hippie. He didn't want her, He wanted her. Her being your current and original target.

The girl who moved to town in the middle of March, YN. Didn't wait for the month to end or come the first week of the new one. Such a strange time to move...almost as if she was running away from something. He had taken an interest in her immediately. You didn't see what was so special about her, just another mousy girl in a small town, very obedient from what you saw.

Maybe that's what caught His attention. A new little puppet to add to His collection...but His urgency with this task didn't really fit. You knew for a fact He wasn't human but...could He have desires of the flesh? Was this a twisted perversion of your god's? The fuzzy feeling in your head gets painful at the thought.

'Ok, you aren't after some ass.' you think trying to appease Him.

It doesn't work, your apology is almost as worthless as you are to Him in this moment. You've really been testing Him lately, understandably this is your last chance so to speak. Bring Him YN or you won't be His problem much longer.

A chill runs down your spine at the ill intent you feel through your contract.

You're working on it, really you are. But she's so stupid and air headed it will take a while to break her for Him to be able to properly mold her. Not to mention she seems to have acquired a new guard dog. One that seems to have problems staying still, yet will spend hours watching her.

You'd seen him around town a few times in the past week or two, he has two other companions who aren't as bad about keeping low profiles. Yeah, you'd seen each of them at her house at one point or another. The short one seemed to have a nasty habit of slinking into her home in the dead of night as she slept. He didn't seem to go in during her drives, only when she'd be there. The tall one would come in the early morning or middle of the day, either to retrieve his partner or to snoop around inside for a bit before leaving. Aside from his partner he never seemed to leave with anything, never went in with anything either. They weren't leaving traces so they couldn't be your replacements.

Even if they had been they didn't seem too tough, you could over take them easy. Show Him you were still good for something.

But worst of all was her fucking mutt. He'd just circle the outside of the house, inspecting it. For what you have no clue, but he kept at it like he had a keen eye and could detect the slightest change of the home. One day he started looking off into the tree line and you'd almost swear he knew where you were. And while his nearly all black eyes made you think he was your replacement, intimidating you, your god suggested otherwise.

Reminding you that they weren't breaking her down for Him. That was your job.

Not only was the twink annoyingly thorough when at her home but he seems to have followed her to work today. You hope this isn't a new habit for him, you'll need to catch YN off guard at some point and you can't do that with that stupid twitching bastard around.

He bought two books and YN had seemed surprised when he came up to chat with her after finishing the first one. She's not your normal type but you can't deny she is cute talking so excitedly, you really wish that fucking mask was off her face so you could see her plump lips move. Come to think of it, twitchy was also wearing a mask. Is that why she talks so freely with him? Was all you had to do to get close to her was wear a mask? Or did she have a little crush on this guy?

No, she's speaking the same way she would with one of the Hornets. He however has a certain look in his eye while they talk. Maybe someone does have a crush...Or maybe he's just a disgusting stalker like you are. Were, like you were that is before your god saw the potential in you. And blessed you as one of his followers.

If he is a creepy little stalker tailing her you could let him do the breaking, and then you'd swoop in for the kill. Would that take too long? Better yet would your god even be happy with the idea. He can get very touchy about plans, down to the tiniest details too. You've witnessed first hand what He does to those who leave gaps for targets to get through.

Reprogramming doesn't seem pleasant. But that'll be the least of your worries if you don't get a move on with delivering Him His choice of offering. In the years you've been of service to your god...you don't recall Him ever choosing his offering. A target yes of course plenty, but His next puppet or a special meal. No this was big, testing your worth probably, very big.

'And you're failing.' that voice isn't yours.

'How, astute.' He's chatty today. That's always a bad thing. For you anyway.

You turn your attention to the bookshop across the street, coffee shops make such great covers especially when you add a laptop and act as though you're writing a novel, no one spares you a glance. It's five and that means quitting time, maybe YN wouldn't go home right away. You could run into her and plant some seeds of paranoia in her.

Mess with her head, have her freak out and cause a scene in town to discredit her further in the future. Your typical MO. After all she is just the simple new girl in town, and small town residents don't trust easy.

'This should be fun.' you think as you pack up your computer and notebook.

Heading to your car you wait in the parking lot for a moment, making it look as though you were busy with your phone while you waited to see that ugly yellow car drive in one direction or another. It doesn't take long before you catch sight of the brightly colored Kia taking the road towards the general store.

Wonderful, one humiliating panic attack in public coming up. This was something you could manage perfectly on your own. Though maybe once your god was more pleased with you, you'd ask for His assistance in giving her a few more hallucinations. After all the faster she's broken down the faster He gets what He wants.

Once at the small store you park one space away from her Kia. Normally for targets you prefer if they don't notice your car but it's not like there's room to go else where in this parking lot. Just as you're about to make your way inside, you hear more murmuring.

How the hell are you supposed to do His bidding when all He seems to want to do is keep interfering? It's getting so frustrating that you're starting to question your god's intelligence.

For your insolence you are hit hard with the worst migraine you've ever gotten since taking up a contract with Him.

'You are not the only one following them.' is the biting retort.

Moving your head despite the pain, you scan the store through squinted eyelids as you stand just out of your car. And you catch sight of him, that twitching guard dog from before. He hasn't noticed you but he seems to be sharing a cart with YN.

Did she get a boyfriend? Were you just unaware of that detail this entire time? She seems too relaxed with him for that to be anything else. They look too domestic together, you'll have fun ripping them apart. She'll probably cry like the bitch she is when you do, that's a very nice picture.

'Leave.' what now?

'Leave before he catches on to you.' The twitchy twink? You could take him in a fight, kid is practically all bones, why should you leave?

Instead of an answer your migraine intensifies. For the first time in years you are racked with so much pain that you would've collapsed on the ground if your car hadn't been near to steady yourself.

A chime of a bell sounds, “Hey pal you alright there?”, it's just Leo. Luckily you've never shopped at his store so likely hood of him knowing who you are or mentioning this to anyone isn't high.

“Ah...yeah,” you say through the wincing, “real bad migraine.”

“I got some Excedrin-”

“I'll just come back later.” you cut him off and get back into your car. Movement isn't easy for you under all this pain but you can feel His presence in your mind gaining control. You'll either wake up back in your bed or on the forest floor covered in blood and ticks. You really hope it isn't the last one as you black out just as you turn onto 3rd Avenue.

Leo comes back into the store almost as soon as he ran out.

“Everything ok?” you ask. You'd seen the man run out when you turned around to ask if he had gluten free vegetable stock.

“Yea, some tourist must'a got car sick or somethin'.” you nod at his gruff reply.

“Oh, do you have any gluten free vegetable stock?”

The old man eyes you warily.

“Kid don' tell me ya got on one a those fad diets.”

“No it's for the Picnic next week. I wanted to make an all diet friendly foragers pie.” you said shaking your head, which snaps right twice. Behind you you hear a muffled clucking coming from Toby.

Toby had hung out at the shop with you today. After he read through The Son of Neptune the two of you had discussed the series for a bit before you almost let some spoiler slip through. Toby couldn't help but laugh when you pushed him into a reading nook to finish reading the series before you ruined it for him. He got two thirds of The Mark of Athena done before you clocked out for the day.

While leaving he mentioned he needed to go shopping and asked where the grocery store in town was because he hadn't seen one in the area. You offered to take him to Leo's shop because it had everything you could need and was a small local business. Like most things in Kepler but there was a Trader Joe's that opened up in town, and they don't have much to offer when you cook from scratch. So here you were shopping together.

“I think we have organic no clue if it's vegan though.”

“Gluten free.” Leo rolls his eyes in dismissal and goes off to find the organic broth for you.

“Was there anything else you needed to grab?” you asked turning to look at Toby.

He had a list with him and had been ripping small tears to cross off what he'd gotten. He nods once then twice as his eyes find items he had yet to find, until they stop near the bottom of the list. Toby's dark brown eyes roll so hard you're pretty sure they rolled to the back of his skull. He lets out a dramatic 'agh' sound at whatever was on the list. Before crumbling it and tossing it into the cart.

“Atomic Fireballs and eggs. Can you grab the candy? Some people get pissy about their eggs.” he says cutting his eyes to the cooler containing eggs. This is probably a regular argument with the group.

With a small nod and an “mmhmm” you run off to the candy isle. You smell the cinnamon candy before you even see the container on the shelf. Before running off back to Toby and the cart, you pause debating if you should grab some M&Ms or chocolate chips to make cookies for tomorrow's movie night. You had stress eaten the snacks you bought last week only having the Surge left for Kirby, like hell you would drink it yourself.

After the week you've had baking sounded really nice. The mind numbing activity would probably be therapeutic since you haven't baked in so long. You grab two of the bigger bottles of mini M&Ms they always taste better to you, plus mini cookies tend to be a bigger hit than their regular sized counter parts. On your way to the front of the store you pass an end cap for chips. Seeing the white cheddar popcorn you like you grab a bag to replace the one you ate earlier in the week.

You should be set now, as long as Leo had the broth. If he didn't gluten free broth seems like something the Trader Joe's would have.

Toby's already at the counter with Leo, who had a box of broth off to the side. Noice. You place the Atomic candy on the counter with the rest of Toby's items. Leo looks between the two of you but brushes off whatever thought or comment he had.

“This it for you kid?”Leo has already begun ringing him out.

You see the movement of Toby's mouth open while he double checks the cart, he closes it when he sees the wad of paper. He must have forgotten something. Going over your own list you double check to make sure you have everything before it's your turn.

“N-n-n-no, can I-I-I get two boxes of condoms? St-s-st-standard and Large.” Toby's popping his knuckles a little more aggressively than normal, well what you've equated to normal for Toby.

'Oh.' the add ons sort of surprise you, but his exaggerated sigh from earlier makes more sense. Why did you even think that eggs caused that sort of reaction? It was probably because he was gonna have to ask for condoms in front of you. His new friend, nearly a stranger. Toby's agitated tics and stuttering are very valid right now.

You miss the look Leo gives you but Toby doesn't and when Leo looks back at him his tics get more frequent.

Looking to Toby when his 'mrrow' tic keeps repeating, you see the tips of his ears are a soft pink. A stark contrast to their normally grayish white complexion. Wanting to help but knowing he's most likely just embarrassed you decide to say nothing and ignore the situation. Thankfully Leo doesn't make any type of comment either as he finishes ringing out Toby and hands him his receipt.

“This it kid?” He says as he starts checking out your items.

“Um...ah, what's the pizza today?” this week isn't your normal pizza week but with the Picnic being next weekend you probably won't do pizza next week. And you have to have a slice ready for Chonk, least he decides to see what human taste like.

“Spinach and mushroom, a white pizza.”

“Yea I'll take one of those then please.”

“Garlic crust?” How very dare this man. What kind of question is that.

“Of course.”

He leaves to the back of the store yet again to retrieve your pizza. There's a silence that falls over the store as he leaves, leaving only you and Toby out front. Not an awkward type of silence but you definitely aren't going to risk a glance at Toby right now.

“I threw in an extra for that stray you've been feeding.” He says as he returns. Toby having calmed down a bit scoffs at the stray comment.

“That isn't a-a-a stray it's a fucking dem-mon.”

“Ok like that's fair, but he is kinda cute.”

“I don't care what it is, just keep it away from my store.” Leo finishes ringing you up. “Bad for business to have a wild animal rooting through the garbage.” Leo doesn't care about that stuff he also fears Chonk, and all his trash panda glory.

Once you settled your tab with Leo you and Toby go out to your car. You place his items in the backseat while you take the trunk, so no one goes home with the wrong item. Stars forbid you end up with the condom bag and have to awkwardly give that to Toby or even worse Brian or Tim. You've had four interactions with the man but already you can hear Brian's teasing banter.

Getting situated in the car you hand your phone to Toby to pick the music. You'd left your entire library open this time and not just the home page, you wanted to see if he'd pick something different or just go with the last thing played. He did scroll a bit before just clicking the last played playlist. Well at least he looked, maybe you'd make a playlist and see what he liked. He could just enjoy the songs.

While you're stuck at the light waiting to turn you remember consciously that Saturday Night Dead is tomorrow. You wonder if the trio would be joining you all. Wouldn't hurt to ask.

“Hey so are you guys coming over to the Cryptonomica tomorrow night?”

“Tim and Brian are.” Toby's eyes glance at the window as he picks at the skin around his nails.

“Oh. Why aren't you coming?” you hope you don't sound too pushy.

“Hi, I'm Toby I have Tourette's.” He says in a deadpan.

“Nice to meet you, I'm YN I have Autism.” you sass back cutting your eyes to him, “and I have tics too remember.”

“You can sit beside me. The gang never mentions my ticcing or stimming during a movie and I sit in the corner to be less of a distraction.”

From the corner of your eye you can see he peeled off a bit of skin and is now bleeding. When you slow down at the light you reach over him to the glove box and pull out a box of band-aids. Tossing the box in his lap you focus back on the road. There's a cracking sound when Toby's shoulder pop from a tic but other than that you two fall into a lull in the conversation.

From the corner of your eye you see Toby put the box in the cup holders between you. This little shit, just because he doesn't feel pain doesn't mean picking his skin is a healthy fidget.

“...I..I'll think about it.” he's still picking at his skin but maybe reassurance will help him calm down.

“Well, I hope I see you tomorrow then,” you can't help the grin on your face, you're just a touch giddy at the fact you've made a friend this fast. “No pressure though.” can't be too pushy you might scare him off.

You hear a huff as he turns more of his body to look out the window. He isn't upset his energy feels calm almost excited, it's nice to meet someone who isn't so confusing with their actions. Though you'd wish he wouldn't try to hide them. Maybe you both have the same idea of not wanting to overwhelm the other right away. You get the feeling this situation...your blooming friendship with Toby, it isn't something he's use to.

Getting to the RV you help Toby carry in the groceries, despite his protests that he can do it. It was just machismo of course, because once inside the RV you noticed how clean it was for three bachelors and their huge dog living in it. Sure there were dishes in the sink but dishes are a care chore that never ended. There was very little clutter that you saw but you also weren't paying close attention since you were just helping bring in groceries and not here for a visit. It would be rude to look, you think.

Once all of the boys' bags were brought in and either on the counter or table you saw a majority of them had blood smears all on the handles. Fucking Toby, you gave him band-aids for a reason.

“Tobais you're bleeding.”

“Thanks Captain obvious.” you want to smack him.

“Do you guys have a first aid kit?”

“Nope.” he sounds so smug when he pops the 'p' sound.

“Ok, then I'll go get the band-aids out of my car and you wash your hands.”

“Don'-uwu- Don't worry about it.”

You have to bite your lip so you don't laugh but the small stream of air coming from your nose let Toby know you were laughing. Despite his mask you can see his pout clearly when he turns to you.

“I...I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't...but it's too,” your giggling is breaking down your ability to speak, “cute.”

The grumpy face sort of melts off of the boy in front of you, but you can tell by the vibes he's still touchy. You try to calm yourself but quickly realize you aren't giggling anymore because of his tic.

“C'mon it isn't even that funny.” he says gruffly, before looking off to the side.

“No...it's,” you keep shaking your head as the movement doesn't stop. The loop won't stop and you're starting to tear up from the muscles in your abdomen seizing up then relaxing in repetition.

Toby seems to realize what's happened.

“No fucking way.” is all he says as he comes closer to your still giggling form. “A giggling tic?” You can only nod, you're starting to get light headed. Toby noticing you starting to crouch down, helps ease you to sit. He stays by your side as you both wait for the tic to cease.

He even tries rubbing a hand on your back to soothe you into calming down. You'll need to tell him physical comfort doesn't really help you. It's still sweet of him to try.

Unlike a laughing fit that will have a gradual die down of the action, your laughing tic has an abrupt stop. But you feel just as tired and even more sick than someone who just got out of a laughing fit. Breath coming out hitched though you try to gasp in more air to soothe your impending headache. Your face is red and covered in tear stains, once again you are thankful for your mask. This isn't a tic you get often but you probably hate this one the most, just from how drained it leaves you.

Toby continues to rub circles into your back as your breathing starts to even. Eventually he gets up to grab you some water. You notice it's quiet in the RV, not even Connor is around Brian must have him today.

“That was probably karma.” he says as he hands you the glass. Looking up to him confused he continues, “For teasing me about my tic.”

“But I w-wa-,” you take a large gulp of water for the raspiness of your voice, “I wasn't teasing. I just thought 'uwu' was a cute vocal tic.” you say indignantly.

Really you had only thought the verbal tic was cute. Also it'd been a while since you heard 'uwu' said aloud so it caught you off guard.

“Not as cute as a giggling tic.” who's teasing who now.

“Haha, don't get used to it doesn't happen often.”

After settling down from you tic it's time to head home. You really don't want to over stay your welcome. The fatigue is also starting to set in and you want to get home before it really hits.

Toby is nothing if not a gentleman you've noticed. And he continues to be on brand as he walks you back to your car.

“So thanks for that.” vaguely motioning as if to say 'y'know' with your hands rather than your words. Toby knows, you can tell from that boyish glint in his eyes.

“Hope to see you tomorrow night.” you say getting back into your car.

“It's sounding better now.” there's a pause, “Get home safe.” he slaps the interior of your window before backing away from your car altogether.

With a final wave you back out back onto the old dirt road and drive on home. When you get home you realize you never patched up Toby's hand, now you have a small bloodstain on your door.

#A cure for insomnia #ticci tobyx reader #ticci toby #ticcitoby #brian thomas x reader #brian thomas #timothy wright x brian thomas #timothy wright x reader #timothy wright #creepypasta fanfic #masky x reader #masky

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bronte-deserves-better · 3 years

Note

So this has probably been done before but imagine Sophie coming out as agender to Bronte

So i may have gotten a little carried away and written a whole short fic about this-

ahem. anyways. I wrote this late at night and didn’t edit at all, so if you see a grammar error no you don’t <3. Also I might put it on AO3 if I figure out what to call it but I’m way too tired for fic titles so fuck that.

(Tw for swearing and mentions of transphobia.)

"Miss Foster, are you paying attention?"

Sophie's head snapped up from where they had been studying the table, worrying about what Grady and Edaline were going to say if they ever came out. Logically, they knew their parents were supportive and kind, but...none of the elves they had met had ever mentioned trans people. Let alone agender people like Sophie.

"Miss Foster?" Bronte asked again.

This time, it was harder to contain their flinch. "Oh, uh, yeah, sorry, I was just thinking. About stuff."

"Alright, well I do understand you have a lot to worry about, but try to stay focused, please."

"Okay," Sophie muttered. The word came out rougher than they intended, more tired, and Biana shot them a concerned glance across the table. Which they proceeded to ignore. "What were we going over again?"

"The importance of building good relations with other species in our fight against the Neverseen, but I think we might as well stop there for the day." Bronte's gaze was piercing. "It's been a long day for all of us. Good job, you five, we can keep talking about this at next week's meeting."

That was all it really took for Team Valiant to leap to their feet and start packing up their stuff. Like Bronte had said, it had been a very long day. And a whole lecture from him about interspecial relations hadn't helped much, although Sophie guessed it was probably good for them to be learning about all the things Bronte had been teaching them. Relations with the trolls, ancient rules and tricks of elven combat, more info on the Prime Sources, some parts of elven history that weren't taught at Foxfire, how to dress formally while still being able to move freely, the proper greetings for every rank of elves and every foreign leader...the list went on.

"Miss Foster, do you mind staying after the meeting for a bit?"

Sophie internally groaned. "Sure, Bronte."

Biana cast them a sympathetic look as she left. "See you in bit, Soph!"

Bronte waited until everyone had left before he spoke again. "Right. Sorry to keep you longer than necessary, but I noticed you seemed off today, and I wanted to check in."

"I mean, thanks for looking out for me, I guess." Sophie stared at the floor. "I guess I've just got...a lot on my mind."

"Hmm. I know the feeling. Does any of what's on your mind have to do with the term 'Miss Foster'?"

Sophie couldn't help but flinch a little, again. "Maybe."

"If you have a problem with it, I can stop calling you that."

"That would be great, actually. It's just...really...formal. Yeah."

"Is just Sophie an appropriate level of formality?" Bronte looked startlingly uncertain. "I must admit to still struggling with knowing when to address people more casually."

"Sophie is great."

He nodded. "Sophie it is, then. Any other reasons why you dislike that name?"

“No,” they said, too quickly.

"Hmm. Alright." Bronte didn't say they could go yet, taking a breath as if steeling himself for something. "I won't pry any further, but...I hope you know that you're always welcome to talk to me about anything, provided that 'anything' only involves mildly illegal activity. I- well. I suppose you should know I struggled with the term 'Miss Pyren' myself in my youth. Not that a lot of people addressed me with respect," he added dryly.

“You're trans?" Sophie blurted, and then instantly regretted it.

"Yes, I am. I'm not very open about it due to...past experiences, but yes."

"Do I need to go after some transphobes?"

Bronte cracked a small smile. "There are far too many for you to take on alone, mi- Sophie."

"Fuck that, I might as well try." They hesitated. "Do the elves have a concept of nonbinary?" To Sophie's surprise, the word for that was right there in the Enlightened Language. They didn't even have to use English.

"Yes, they do, and have for years. Why?"

Sophie took a deep breath. "I'm nonbinary- agender, specifically. I just recently figured it out, and I've been worrying about people's reactions ever since."

They caught a flash of deep, long-held sorrow in Bronte's ancient eyes. "I understand far too well, but I promise you're safe with me. What are your pronouns?"

"They/them."

"And are you changing your name? I know some of us do and some don't."

Of us. Their community. Bronte's community. "Nope, I like the name Sophie."

"Alright, then." Bronte offered another faint smile. "Would you like me to use she/her around people you aren't out to for now? I can use Sophie over Miss or Mx. Foster regardless."

"Yes, please." Sophie fiddled with their sleeves. "Thank you for being so nice and accepting about this, and- and outing yourself to me so I'd feel safe to be out."

"Of course. I was lucky enough to have someone to do that for me when I was your age, a mentor who taught me the word trans and what elixirs trans elves used back then and how to navigate the system. And I've known too many elves who weren't that lucky. I would hate for you to face all of this alone.”

Just by the enduring pain behind those words, Sophie believed him. "Still, thank you. You're the first adult I've come out to, actually, which is like, a really big thing."

"Oh. Well, I'm glad you felt safe to. Does the rest of Team Valiant know?"

"Yeah."

"So I'll use your proper pronouns around them."

"Yeah, thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," Bronte muttered. "I still haven't made this world safe enough for kids like you."

"You can't blame yourself for everyone who's shitty," Sophie told him. "Plus, you made the world feel a little safer for me just now, so that's something."

"That’s something." His voice was a little rough, eyes misty as Sophie made to pick up their stuff. "Maybe not enough, but something."

"A really good thing. Do you- do you need a hug?"

Bronte looked like he was starting to shake his head, and then nodded, hesitantly.

They threw their arms around him carefully, feeling him tense for a moment before relaxing into the hug.

"Thank you, Sophie."

"Anytime, Councillor Grumpypants."

"Hey!"

Sophie giggled as they pulled back and picked up their bag. "I'll see you next week, I guess. Thank you for all the support, and the lessons are interesting too."

"Oh, I'm glad. They're important things to learn."

"They seem like it. Now I'm going to go get some dinner!"

#asks #anon ask #Councillor Bronte #sophie foster #semp writes #trans!bronte #agender!sophie #i made myself CRY writing this #swearing tw #caps tw

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chaoticspacefam · 4 years

Text

Character Traits Meme: The Ahaszaai Twins

I was tagged by @stratosara (thank you!) I shall tag (no pressure, as always, feel free to ignore if you don’t feel like it!) @pauletta-00 , @commander-kulan , @mercurypilgrim , @a-muirehen and anybody else who feels like doing it!

We’ll start with the Ahaszaai twins (of course, they are my favourites), but I’ll probably do this for a couple others and throw it in the queue too, cause this one is fuuuunn :D

Bold for currently applies, italics for formerly or sometimes applies, strike for never applies (AFAIK, that’s what I’m using anyways XDD)

MANDATORY REMINDER THAT MY FICVERSE IS CANON DIVERGENT BECAUSE THERE’S ALWAYS GONNA BE SOMEONE COMING TO COMMENT “ThAt’S NoT CaNOn!” I KNOW! THAT’S THE POINT XD

SAARAI

[WEALTH ]

$ Financial : wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

[Could technically count as “wealthy” but since most of what they make goes right back into the Alliance I’m gonna call it moderate. When she fled to Rishi with Ty, though, they had very little, she was able to make enough doing odd jobs knocking pirates around etc. for them to get by, but it was a little rough.]

✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged

✪ Class or Caste: upper / middle / working / transient / slave / unsure

[If Valkorion hadn’t killed most of their family and she’d stayed as the heir to the Sith throne, she would’ve been considered upper class. She’s not sure what to call herself while she and Ty were on Rishi and once she becomes Empress of the Eternal Alliance she’s technically upper class again, but Saarai doesn’t like to consider herself “above” the other Alliance members and prefers to see them as equals with different viewpoints so she’s not going to label herself as “upper” class]

✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other

[Technically finished training at the Sith Academy, but because she didn’t stay for long after becoming a Lord it doesn’t count. She has plenty of knowledge of the Force though and is always learning new things when she can (though she’s not the smartest, she tries!) so she gets by.]

✖ Criminal Record : yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / classified

[Doesn’t have one, because she ran before it could be traced back to her. If her sister hadn’t taken the fall for her, though, she would’ve suffered the same fate (or worse), for murdering one of Arkous’ apprentices.]

[ FAMILY ]

◒ Children: has a child or children / has no biological children / wants children / has adopted children

[Has a son, Ty. In an ideal world where there was nothing stopping her, she’d want more kids because she loves them. But trust issues and being one of the main figureheads of the Alliance means she doesn’t really have time to be on maternity leave to raise a baby. So she makes do with helping teach the youngsters and/or babysitting her nieces, nephews and grandchildren instead :3]

◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased

[Saarai only has one sibling, her twin sister Ni’kasi, and they are very close, so close that they have a Force bond, in fact!]

◔ Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable

[Father was killed when she was a very young child, she only has vague memories of him. Was raised by her mother for most of her life, till things (which she still blames herself for) caught up to them and her mother was killed too. Though they don’t reunite officially till Iokath, the twins are adopted by their uncle Vowrawn and his husband Abaron after their mother dies.]

[ TRAITS + TENDENCIES ]

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between

[Saarai is careful and guarded (but polite, unless you give her reason not to be) with strangers, but with those she is familiar with she is very vocal and extroverted.]

♦ dis-organised / organised / in between

♦ closed-minded / open-minded / in between

♦ calm / anxious / in between

[Only gets anxious in specific situations, otherwise is generally pretty calm.]

♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between

♦ cautious / reckless / in between

[cautious in certain very specific situations, but when it comes to the battlefield and protecting her loved ones or allies Saarai is very reckless. She operates under the principal of “if they’re hurting me then they’re not hurting you and I can take more beatings than you can”, much to Lana and Koth’s dismay XD]

♦ patient / impatient / in between

♦ outspoken / reserved / in between

♦ leader / follower / in between

♦ empathetic / unempathetic / in between

♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between

[Since the trauma in her past, Saarai had to learn the hard lesson that she can’t assume someone isn’t going to try and hurt her, so she tries to be more critical of people, but her first attempt is always to see the good in someone.]

♦ traditional / modern / in between

[Holds more to the old old Sith traditions she learnt from her mother (and the few memories she has of her father), than Valkorion’s Empire’s traditions. Is relatively open-minded about adapting and changing her views, within reason.]

♦ hard-working / lazy / in between

♦ cultured / uncultured / in between

[Has a generally dignified air most of the time. But on the battlefield or when she gets really angry, she’s fucking feral. She has teeth that can crack bones and she will use them on you if she has to.]

♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown

♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown

[ SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ]

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual / other*

[*Polycurious, and strongly woman-leaning, does end up in a closed poly relationship with Lana and Koth mid-way through KOTFE.]

❥ Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless

[Had to work through some stuff after her trauma, but has managed to work through (most of) it now through the years and is all for it.]

♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable / naive and/or inexperienced

[Saarai is one of the sappiest romantics you have ever met. If she loves you, she’s not afraid to show it in any way possible: cuddles, kisses, dinner dates, stay-at-home-and-watch-movies dates, random flowers, anything you can possibly think of, if it makes you smile, she’ll do it.]

❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

[Absolutely knows what she’s doing (and can certainly give you a good time ;)), but isn’t particularly adventurous.]

⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

[After her bad experiences with Ty’s father, she’s not comfortable with any sort of intimate contact with men, not even Koth (and she trusts him more than anything - they have it all worked out between the three of them though and everyone’s happy with the way things are). Sticks almost exclusively to women, would probably be okay with fem-presenting people of other genders, but masc-presenting people would worry her.]

⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

[Heavily female-leaning, but not adamantly against a romantic relationship with a man...it will just take her longer to trust and feel comfortable with them, but as long as they respect the boundaries she sets out (thank you, Koth!), she’s fine!]

[ ABILITIES ]

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✍ Artistic Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

[Do not let her near a computer or explosives, for your own safety, please. Even she will warn you as such and refuse to touch it. She’s not good with them LOL Saarai can do very simple things like plug something into a navcomputer, or scroll through files on a datapad/in an archive but that’s about the limit of what her abilities allow.]

[ HABITS ]

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

[Social drinker, but never over the top.]

☁ Smoking: trying to quit / never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

✿ Other Narcotics: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

[Assuming this refers to kolto and whatever else they put in the medpacs etc. Then yes. Sometimes if she gets hurt and Lana or her sister isn’t around to fix it for her.]

☻ Indulgent Food: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

$ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

♣ Gambling: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

NI’KASI

[WEALTH ]

$ Financial : wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

[Formerly a slave with nothing to her name, but since rising the ranks of the Dark Council has made quite a name for herself, even after leaving the Empire to join up with her sister in the Alliance.]

✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged

[During her time as a slave she was deliberately kept sickly/weak to stop her from fighting back properly or trying to escape, but once she was re-entered into the Korriban Academy and started training she gradually re-built her muscle tone. She’s still less bulky than her sister because of this, but she’s got decent enough muscle by mid-way through her canon storyline.]

✪ Class or Caste: upper / middle / working / transient / slave / unsure

[Like Saarai, would have stayed upper if Valkorion hadn’t happened. Spent almost half a decade in slavery, but gradually worked her way up again to make it back to upper class.]

✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other

[As a Dark Council member (and eventually Alliance Council Member), Ni’kasi is very much one of the leading authorities in her field. That doesn’t mean she’s stopped studying though, not in the slightest. She’s always looking through the archives to expand her knowledge base so she can use it to help her family and allies.]

✖ Criminal Record : yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / classified

[Was on the books for Tsâhis (Ty’s father)’s murder, though this was wiped after she became high ranked enough within the Empire as she’d earned that much. What no one but their family knows, however, is that though she confessed to the murder, Ni’kasi wasn’t the one who did it. She simply said she was so she could protect her sister and ensure that she could get her nephew, Ty, out of harm’s way (otherwise Ty would’ve had nobody to raise him).]

[ FAMILY ]

◒ Children: has a child or children / has no biological children / wants children / has adopted children

[I haven’t named them yet (or gotten that far in their part of the story), but she has at least two with Andronikos, maybe a third later on down the line. I haven’t made my mind up yet.]

◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased

[Her only sibling is her twin sister, Saarai. They’re very close and even share a Force bond. There’s nothing in the universe Ni’kasi wouldn’t do for her sister. If Saarai says “jump”, she asks “how high?”.]

◔ Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable

[Father was killed when she was a very young child, unlike Saarai, Ni’kasi has very few memories of him. Was raised by her mother for most of her life, till things caught up to them and her mother was killed too. Ni’kasi reunites with their uncle Vowrawn and Abaron much earlier, and they adopt the twins as their own since their mother’s passing.]

[ TRAITS + TENDENCIES ]

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between

♦ dis-organised / organised / in between

♦ closed-minded / open-minded / in between

[Ni’kasi, too, sticks more to the old old Sith ideals taught by her mother, but is far more openly critical of Jedi views. She won’t completely throw them aside but it will take a lot of convincing to get her to come around.]

♦ calm / anxious / in between

♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between

[Mostly agreeable...but is still not fond of Jedi. Where necessary, she will tolerate them, but she makes it clear that she can’t wait for it to be over when that happens.]

♦ cautious / reckless / in between

[This woman has a back up-back up plan for the back up plan for the back up plan. She thinks through everything before she makes a decision or follows through an action and very rarely reacts on impulse.]

♦ patient / impatient / in between

♦ outspoken / reserved / in between

♦ leader / follower / in between

[Usually a leader and quite bossily so. Except where her sister is involved; she will follow her sister anywhere and listen to any order Saarai gives her, no matter what, because Saarai’s the boss.]

♦ empathetic / unempathetic / in between

[Comes off as unempathetic, but is in fact simply very literal/logical and has a bit of resting bitch face XD.]

♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between

♦ traditional / modern / in between

♦ hard-working / lazy / in between

♦ cultured / uncultured / in between

♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown

♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown

[ SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ]

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual

❥ Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless

[She’s a Sith, it’s like...one of the most important “rules” they teach XD.]

♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable / naive and/or inexperienced

[”Repulsed” is a strong word, I’d more call it “hesitant”. Ni’kasi is demiromantic, so she needs to know a person well enough before she can actually fall in love with them. When she does, though, and she accepts that that’s what it is, she’s alright with it and comes to enjoy little romantic gestures here and there. Though she and Andronikos are certainly more private about their affections, she prefers it that way (:]

❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

[Relatively experienced and open to try new things, within reason. Won’t do anything too crazy.]

⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

[Kas is demiromantic, strongly leaning towards men because that’s who she prefers in bed.]

[ ABILITIES ]

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

[Good on the battlefield, as long as she’s not close-range, her footwork is sloppy and she’s incredibly clumsy, despite being the less bulky between her and her twin, Kas is the one that trips over her own feet while duelling.]

≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✍ Artistic Skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

[ HABITS ]

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

[Kas is a lightweight, she can’t hold her liqueour well and gets drunk very easily so she prefers not to drink if it can be helped, but is occasionally persuaded to have a glass or two by Andronikos or some of her other companions.]

☁ Smoking: trying to quit / never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

✿ Other Narcotics: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

☻ Indulgent Food: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

[Didn’t get much of it as a slave, Andronikos likes to surprise her with nice things like chocolate on occasion because her face always lights up when he does (:]

$ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

[Not often, due to coming out of slavery, she understands the value of money and is somewhat picky about what she spends it on, but isn’t above picking up something nice if she knows she can afford to spend on it.]

♣ Gambling: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

#swtor #star wars: the old republic #swtor OCs #tagged meme #OC meme #swtor oc: saarai ahaszaai #swtor oc: ni'kasi ahaszaai #the sith twins #some more backstory tidbits included #[wink wink nudge nudge]#;)#sith pureblood

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incarnateirony · 5 years

Text

Thoughts.

So I finally watched Good Omens. First of all I know some people were waiting for me to like, do breakdowns on the use of lore, sigils and whatnot -- I’m sure I’ll poke at it eventually, but so much of it reads of typicality, alongside strong artistic liberty, that when it comes to actual sigils there’s very few and I’ll need a good screen of them.

But that isn’t about that. This is actually about Good Omens and the audience response to queer content and queer coded content. I’m going to warn you, some of this shit is going to incense the fuck out of woke tumblr. It’s going to be a lot of hard pills to swallow, mostly in regards to parts of the LGBT community -- of which I’m a part -- moving around our own goal posts, inconsistencies in the placements of our goalposts, and the impacts of het culture. If you come into my mentions screaming away at me expect an ignore or a block.

No, this isn’t anti-Azri/Crow. It’s very pro Azri/Crow. And yes, I’m going to drag other fandoms I’m in, into it. But I’m also gonna drag general discussion into it.

First I’m going to source a link to a recent set of tweets someone made that I consider very insightful (x) and then highlight a bulk of it.

“When we call something queerbaiting, we're essentially saying: "source material X doesn't count as real or valid queer representation." Here is a thread on why we need to be cognizant about which real-life queer people & stories we're erasing when we expand our use of that term. First: actual queerbaiting, in which art-creators hint at queer representation in order to attract viewers and then insist their art was 100% hetero all along, sucks a lot. I am not advocating getting rid of the term. Nor am I saying it's not valid to feel jerked around when a show uses the promise of a specific queer relationship on their publicity circuit, and then doesn't follow through on it in the actual source. (Or follows through only to write out a character, a la #TheMagicians) However: when we narrow our definition of "real and valid queer representation" until the ONLY thing that counts as queer rep is on-screen queer *romance* or on-screen queer *sex*, we are telling a significant portion of the real-life queer community that they don't count. When we use the "queerbaiting" label to describe a millennia-long, loving asexual same-gender relationship (aka #GoodOmens) we are telling asexuals in loving life-long relationships that they don't count as queer. We are also telling sexual queers whose primary, life-organizing relationships are queerplatonic (me, this is me) that their queerness is defined only by who they fuck, not by who they choose to build a life with. I want a space where ALL kinds of queer stories get told: romances yes, but also stories of queer friendship; queer mentorship; queer animosity; queer competition and cooperation; queer found family; queer provocation and queer mistakes. None of that happens if we tell everyone whose queer content doesn't fit into the narrow box "Lead A & Lead B kiss and/or fuck onscreen" (even if A&B make a life together; even if A&B kiss & fuck other same-sex people) that their art is exploitative & doesn't count as queer rep. “

Why am I choosing to highlight this while implicatively mentioning my adjacent fandoms? Well, because blogs I follow that either haphazardly dismiss, say, Destiel as valid until (personally met goalpost, generally when arguing with the hetnorm or anti community wanting a kiss) are all on the Azriphale-Crowley bandwagon.

And let me say, I adore the Azriphale-Crowley bandwagon. I’m ON that bandwagon. Holy shit am I on that wagon, but we need to inspect our dialogue for people who are on one but not the other.

We can say, for example, “Well, Neil Gaiman and the actors have been supportive! So THAT’S why it’s fine!” I mean -- aren’t people always banging on about post-affirmation not being enough, or just vague support being enough, or this-or-that not being enough? Like people don’t flame Rowling over that? I mean, even if we handwave away that Neil Gaiman had literally uncontested authorship instead of 203492 hands in the author and ownership pot top-to-bottom which the average show doesn’t have -- which gives the liberty to say whatever the fuck he wants because it is wholly his product and under his contract and design -- do you notice that it’s actually a very, very small audience crowing about that? And rarely if ever the same ones that do about other pairings that could be considered similar? Like we haven’t gotten those moments from authors in other shows (Robbie Thompson “Destiel isn’t canon?” comes to mind) that we yell queerbait at then and decide isn’t enough. Because someone else moved a goalpost out.

Ah-- but they’re... confirmed asexual and agender and immortal! Okay... and... so is, for example, if we’re going to tilt this way, Castiel. And ace people can have queer relationships with bi or yes, even straight people. Mindblowing, I know, but that’s it, that’s reality.

So why on gods green earth am I seeing this disparity between blogs about the same content, banging on at different volumes of what we expect?

It’s something I’ve written about before, the loudest example being my Problem With DreamHunter post. Before any DreamHunter fans pick up the pitchforks, don’t worry. It, also, is in support of DreamHunter, but simply addresses the cultural problem in there not being a problem with DreamHunter. The blend of intersectional issue disparity between MLM and WLW, and also the simple fact that the fandom wasn’t positioned to have antis or rival ships screaming at it: het culture and shipping culture.

I’ve banged on about this before: in our race for representation, we often trample over content that’s perfectly good and valid and great in many ways, because we want to be able to win an argument against an asshole, we want to be able to bludgeon the gay so inarguably into somebody’s brain that they yield to the might of it, or at least, we imagine it reaches that point. Anti-shipping culture can be so loud that even slow burn het pairings that kiss will have antis explaining their way around it (eg, Mulder and Scully, off the top of my head). Anti queer culture will talk down men or women even making out on screen as experimentation. This cycle will continue.

So again, let me state: Good Omens is a masterpiece. I am utterly enthralled by it, but it does leave me sitting flummoxed about the uneven bars we put out there as marker posts based on trying to race to the finish of arguments.

I’m sure some hack job that doesn’t know how to rub brain cells together beyond “it’s straight” and, beneath the surface, “I don’t like it so I’m going to piss and moan about more expansive methods of thought than hard niching the complexity of human relations” is going to roll in here, thinking yelling “Jensen Ackles thinks it’s straight!” in supreme reductionism of things like authorship, be it intent OR death of the author, or whatever else is out there in this medium -- I’m sure they’ll show up, make the same repetitive ass of themselves as always, and roll on, completely missing the point that I’m not obligated to your arbitrary bullshit, and that nobody is.

I don’t HAVE to point out every single time a dickhat on a loop yells that, that Jensen Ackles himself spoke of the intangibility of the deepness of their connection with Castiel as an angel, and that a cishet dude from texas probably doesn’t understand the finest details of LGBT identity complexity despite being an ally while fumbling over talking about the difficulty of putting a label on it. I don’t have to explain that the actor doesn’t actually get to determine that. Viewership or author, take your pick. I don’t have to explain the “it’s never happening and wasn’t intended” never came from the authors every time some bumblefuck says it -- that it came from one account with a blurb that said he doesn’t speak for that writing room whatsoever. I don’t have to review the times that Jensen Ackles has almost verbatim mirrored the Good Omens creatives about the beauty of it being you being able to make your own interpretation even if it wasn’t his, and encouraging that. I don’t fucking have to, you entitled sniveling shits.

And no, it’s by no means about, say, Dean and Cas. It’s just about the dialogues I’m tired of seeing tilt unevenly even between typically well grounded and centered people.

So anyway Azriphale and Crowley are EternityMates and that’s the fucking tea. Call it queerplat or call it queerromantic I can see either, even if I do tilt towards the former. Destiel is queerromantic and you can fight me. Come at me. Except nobody really will over Good Omens, just Supernatural, because like magic, Good Omens isn’t geared for a fuckton of other bloated ships or antis who hate either of them by structure alone. And that, itself, is a point to be made, too.

And before some doodlefuck trolls along, no, there’s no such thing as incestromantic. Spare us the time and block me now if your knee jerk counter-troll is going to be subtextually along those lines, because I promise you’ll just get blocked when you try to roll into town with it. Since the Supernatural fandom seems to house corners of douchebags that don’t know how to control their primitive douchebag impulses and they do come into address in this post.

Moral of the story: Stop listening to homophobes, antis, or people with agendas. Listen to the content and what has actually been said. On all sides.

If you consider, for example,

the Ineffible Husbands canon with no admission of anything beyond friendship, with the hets loudly banging one scene over with “well the others are ace or whatever” as your reason (fair), a few lunches, basic dedication and a few well placed songs, and a few supportive notes from the general creatives,

But the Hunter Husbands not canon with talked-around love yous and need yous, intentional deletion of Castiel’s agender ace aspects, in spite of there being no evident banging or kissing in the show that hasn’t been a highlight of a problem since like season what six?; talk arounds of their meals together, infinite longer and classic romantic crafted dedication, innumerable well placed songs and yes, a few supportive notes from the creatives that are buried by yourself or others beneath intentionally obfuscated arguments and spun context,

You are, whether you want to gullet it or not, part of the moving goalpost problem. Whether it’s you running to meet a phobe or an anti, or just being coded into it by the screaming around you, there is no world in which one is representation and the other is not. It’s just fuckin’ not.

It’s not.

I don’t care what you yell and scream because it’s popular in your circles. It’s fuckin’ not.

It’s not.

Either both are rep or neither are rep. Personally, I adore both of them, and anyone that has a problem with that can eat me.

Good Omens is not a goddamn motherfucking breakthrough in representation. It’s the same very valid very real form of queer coding half this site screams at because someone got loud enough to scream about it early on, generally inspired by antis riding their ass, just it’s the first and second lead instead of second and third lead, and there’s no ‘rival’ in first and second leads as being intentionally dragged into vaguery. It’s. Fucking. Not. It’s literally. The same. Fucking. Level.

Now, I HAVE been banging on that it’s the level our content SHOULD be acceptable at (well, almost; frankly I’d consider Destiel better, as the show’s overall intimacy threshold is far lower while Good Omens has parallel overtness to the coupling in the actual canon, meaning Good Omens’ playing field, for fair treatment, would be indebted to matching volume -- not saying sex since ace but louder admissions and engagements that are just as clear.)

Unpopular? Good, I don’t care. I’m tired of people screaming about completely conflicting crap.

It’s where we SHOULD be taking ownership of our content. So if there’s any breakthrough, it’s the LGBT community themselves having some sort of spark of awareness that they can and should be able to own content at that volume, largely because the fandom isn’t swamped by asshats on the other side all yelling for their own crappy agendas clogging up your heads. There’s a few queerbait shouters. And you laugh them off, by and large, and accept it as canon and rep. Funny how that works without antis up your ass.

Sincerely,

A tired queer and newborn Crowley stan.

#not spn #but kinda spn #definitely good omens #but more lgbt commentary

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vampirexrightsxactivist · 5 years

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Borderline

tw for abusive remus endgame lamp

Roman stared at his empty room. The room that had been his for almost nineteen years, since he was one really; when his family had decided that they needed more space for their twin boys. Checking his phone he sighed and put it back in his pocket, making sure that everything else he needed was also in there. He had three hours before his parents got back with his brother… He needed to get out of there before they got home. He knew Remus hadn’t gotten better, not with the words he’d whispered in Roman’s ear about how he would be sorry for sending Remus away again. But when had he ever gotten better? This was the sixth mental health facility he’d been to in less than five years. He didn’t want to get better, unfortunately, their parents couldn’t seem to see that. Roman shook his head and made sure his bags were secure and wouldn’t bust open. They had a long car ride ahead of them, his boxes already in the U-Haul his new roommate had helped him get. He smiled, Thomas Sanders was a blessing to mankind truly. Ro didn’t know where he would be without him…

“Hey, Roman buddy we really got to get going if we want to get into Chicago with no rush traffic.” The brunet popped his head into the room, a lopsided smile on his face. It softened into a more serious one when he took in Roman’s expression. “Hey buddy, look at me. We’re going to be okay. Trust me.” The Latino took a deep breath and gave Thomas a beam full of false bravado. “Of course we are Thomas! You have the one and only Roman Reyes at your side…” He quieted down. “I just hope my parents and Virgil can forgive me for not telling them where I’ve vanished off to.” Virgil Morales, Roman’s unlikely best friend from diapers to graduation robes, the two had been inseparable, especially when Virgil had come out as first agender and then bisexual. Roman had defended xir from everyone who tried to harm xem. Roman grimaced. He couldn’t tell xir where he was going in fear that Remus would somehow get it out of xem. “I know buddy, you can tell xem when it’s safe.” Thomas grabbed a bag and gently lead him out of the house.

“Hey Thomas I’ll be home late, I’m covering Valarie’s shift.” Roman shifted his phone so it was more comfortable while he wiped down a table. “It’s all good don’t worry Ro,” Thomas promised, his tone betraying his amused smile on the other side of the line. They’d been in Chicago for almost three years now. It was weird to think about how time had passed so quickly. They’d found jobs to keep them alive and happy.

With their jobs came Valarie, Joan, Talyn, Patton, Logan, Emile, and Remy. As much as Roman missed Virgil he was happy and safe here with these people. When he found himself missing his emo nightmare of a friend he found himself seeking out Logan or Patton. Their arms wrapped around him while they watched a movie together. And if his lips found theirs after some time he ignored the guilt of how he’d wanted that with Virgil. Roman’s shift went by faster than usual after he got a text from Logan telling him to meet him at Patton’s other job- the cafe down on North Michigan Avenue. They had a surprise for him, one of the few things he loved more than Patton’s laughter and Logan’s long-winded rants was a good surprise. Clocking out he ran to catch the El train, his leg bouncing nervously while he sat. As the train made its way down Roman thought about his partners…

The first time Logan and Roman had met it had been at an after-party for a jazz concert that Remy had been involved in. The sunglasses-wearing fiend played the saxophone of all things and was surprisingly good. Roman had been dragged over to where Emile, Remy’s queerplatonic partner, had been discussing somethings with the bespectacled black-haired man learned to be Logan Young. Their friendship had started with Roman insulting Logan by calling him ‘Nerdy Wolverine’. Logan had snarked right back with Logan referring to Roman as ‘Shakespeare’s bastard child three times removed’. Patton would later tease the two about how the romantic tension just flew off them in waves.

Patton had been introduced to Roman twice, once while they were having a feminine day and another while they were having a very confusing day. So Roman had assumed that he had met two different people, oh how wrong he’d been. Patton had explained their gender identity with a great deal of patience to the entire friend group, Roman having understood almost immediately despite the initial confusion took great pleasure with helping them with their makeup.

And so their friendship grew and blossomed into a loving relationship. It was almost perfect… even on nights where Roman just wanted to curl up in an old hoodie that somehow smelled like lilacs all the time. If only he could have the best of both of his lives. The past and the present… but only the good parts. Stepping off the El train Roman pushed his way through the crowds and smiled when he saw the signage for the Mind Cafe. Pushing the doors open he beamed at Remy who was with a customer before stopping and giving Logan a kiss on the forehead. “Hey, love. Where’s Pat?” He asked softly so as not to disturb the customers. Pushing up his glasses Logan smiled fondly. “They’re helping the new employee with a mess xe made.” Logan gestured over to where Patton was calming a young adult down with kind words and a smile. The person was taking deep, albeit shaky breaths and clinging to xir patchwork hoodie… one that looked very familiar. Roman let out a noise that sounded like he’d been punched in the gut. He made his way over to the two just in time to hear the new person speak. “Sorry I panicked, this hoodie was the last thing my best friend gave to me before he disappeared.” It was Virgil. Xe looked good, xir’s hair was shaved on the sides and from what Roman could tell it was probably spiked into a very tall mohawk most of the time, a very vibrant purple mohawk at that. “Virge…” Roman choked out, tears stinging his eyes.

Patton looked up sharply and made a soft cooing noise, they stepped away from the two, allowing their boyfriend time with someone from his past. “P-princey?” Virgil stuttered through the nickname as xe shot up, the hoodie was forgotten as xe stared at Roman with haunted eyes. “I thought you were dead?” Xe asked quietly, circling him. “Your parents wouldn’t say anything. Just that you were gone without a trace.” Xir’s hand reached out before xe snatched it back as though xe was afraid they’d get stung. Roman chuckled and shook his head. “No, not dead. I just had to get away from Remus…” He trailed off and picked up the hoodie, handing it back to xem. Virgil took it before hugging Roman as tightly as xe could. Roman hugged back with just as much intensity. Xe couldn’t find the words to describe how xe felt at the moment. So xe settled for a long hug that caught Logan’s attention. He raised a brow and gestured his head to Patton who was also watching them with a soft, happy smile on their face. “Hey Ro? As much as I love you and I’ve missed hugging you, your partners are giving me a look.” Roman pulled back and blew a kiss to Patton and Logan respectively. “Xe’s aro so you lovely babes have nothing to worry about.” He assured, kissing xir’s forehead, leading Virgil to Logan’s table where they sat and talked until the cafe closed when the four of them took it to Roman and Thomas’ apartment.

Now our story does continue, one could assume that eventually, the four end up in a polyamorous arrangement, Virgil slowly becoming an inseparable part of the group. Xe was the person Logan went to when he needed to talk about things that Roman and Pat didn’t necessarily understand. Virgil and Patton spent hours baking and doing each other’s nails bonding over various nostalgic shows and songs. The two were also a force of nature at getting their boys to take self-care days. Roman and Virgil rebuilt their relationship, growing stronger through the years. Yes, there were bad days, but the good outnumbered them heavily.

And all was well.

#sanders sides #creativity sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #gender nonconforming characters #patton sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #unsympathetic remus #remy sanders #emilie picani #sanders side fic #logic sanders #anxiety sanders #morality sanders #intrusive thoughts #ts intrusive thoughts #crunchy writes

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edwardcullenisace · 5 years

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Beau

More of my beautiful agender buddy Beau. As y’all can see I am mostly just taking from the original in terms of plot and dialogue structure but I think it’s different enough.

Words: 1,433

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

I had almost been pleased when Edward didn’t show up the rest of the week. It certainly shouldn’t have to be my problem if he’s a bigot, and if he needed to leave because of me then that just made things easier. But it was also frustrating. I’d faced some transphobia back in Phoenix, but this had only really come in the form of misgendering. I hadn’t been on the receiving end of such revulsion before, and I was curious. The Cullens, and Hales, seemed to be a weird family. Sat only with each other, food in front of them but never eating, skin too white to seem natural even in Forks. I had begun to wonder if there was something else going on.

When I walked into the cafeteria on Monday and saw him, sat with his family as if he’d never left, I stopped short. The group were laughing, chatting with each other, hair glistening from the snow. It made me feel sick thinking about how my very existence could transform that carefree mood into the searing hatred I’d seen last week. Once I’d sat down, I couldn’t help but keep looking over to their table. There was definitely something different about them this week. Maybe it was just the snow.

“Beau? What are you looking at?” Jessica interrupted my thoughts.

As she did, Edward rose his head, and our eyes connected. Panicked, I turned quickly to Jessica, though he didn’t seem to be glaring at me anymore. He’d looked confused, unsatisfied. I’d dealt with that before, at least. Maybe someone had sat him down to talk about gender.

“Edward is staring at you,” Jessica hissed at me.

“He’s not looking too repulsed, is he?” I murmured, picking at my food, trying not to look interested.

“What? Why would he be repulsed?”

“I don’t think he likes me all too much.”

“Oh. Well. You can’t really expect a Cullen to like anyone. He’s still staring though.”

She dropped the subject as Mike intervened, and I was grateful. I didn’t want to think too much about Edward Cullen before class, it would only make me feel more sick.

Having seen him at lunch, I was not surprised when Edward came to sit beside me in class. I was surprised, however, to hear his voice.

“Hello,” he said, quietly and slightly strained.

I glanced over at him. He was still sat as far away from me as possible, but he was turned toward me. Far from the anger and repulsion from last week, his face was open, gentle, a small smile pulling at his lips. It was breath-taking, and I had to take a moment to remind myself of his behaviour last time I’d seen him. His eyes were still wary, and I focused on that.

“My name is Edward Cullen, I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself last week. You’re Beau Swan, yes?”

At least the full Beaufort was already on its way out. And even if he had wanted to use my deadname, he wouldn’t know it. Jessica had said the Cullens only recently moved here, so they would never have even known of me by my old name. And Charlie had clearly done a good job of enforcing the new one.

“Yep. Seems like everyone here already knew me before I arrived.”

Edward laughed lightly, and I tried not to notice how angelic it sounded.

“There was a buzz around the school for a full week before you turned up. Small schools love a new kid, especially one related to the Chief.”

I noticed how he dodged around having to say anything gendered, and sighed lightly to myself. Perhaps he’d realised how rude he was last week and didn’t want to cause a scene. In any case, I didn’t have to think about it further as class started, and Edward turned to pay attention to Mr Banner.

It was another lab I had done before, so as Mr Banner instructed us to start, I was feeling fairly confident. Edward, too, seemed to be confident in his knowledge of onion root tip cells. It didn’t take long, therefore, before we’d finished the activity, and were left to wait for the rest of the class to catch up. I didn’t want to look at him, worried I would be charmed by his features once again and be side-tracked from my caution. Yes, he was attractive, with a gorgeous face and warm voice and he seemed to be very polite to me now, but I didn’t want to get too attached to someone who probably still thought I was gross for being trans. Weak as always, however, I glanced to my left. He was staring at me, intently, shamelessly, looking mildly frustrated as he had in the cafeteria. I bristled at the attention, though not nearly as bad as the glares from last week, but then I noticed his eyes.

“Do you wear contacts?” I asked, my surprise distracting me from my irritation.

Edward looked just as surprised as I was by the question, his eyebrows lifting then furrowing again. He was very expressive.

“Um, no, why?”

“Oh. Uh. I thought your eyes looked different.”

He hummed at that, and looked away from me, eyebrows still furrowed. I’d lied. I didn’t think his eyes looked different, I knew they did. Just as I could not have imagined the swift change from repulsion to politeness, even interest, I could not have imagined his eyes being jet black last week, yet a rich gold today. I looked over him, and noticed his hands were clenched tight like they were the last lesson. There was definitely something off about Edward.

“It’s a shame about the snow,” he spoke again.

A normal topic of conversation. It seemed as if he was forcing himself to make small talk with me, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I didn’t want him to force himself to talk to me if he didn’t actually want to be polite, I’d much rather we sat in silence every day. At the very least then I wouldn’t be distracted by how attractive his voice was.

“Not really.”

“You don’t like the cold.” He said this as if it was some sort of revelation, like he was impressed with himself for deducing it, which was odd. It didn’t take much to work out that someone who’d lived in Arizona their whole life might dislike the cold.

“Or the wet.”

“Forks must be hard for you, then.”

“You have no idea.”

Oddly, this seemed to fascinate him. His intense stare held up, and I questioned my judgement about this being obligatory small talk.

“Then why are you here?” It was almost an accusation.

I still didn’t want to make small talk with Edward, still wanted to be wary of him, but I couldn’t break away from his stare, and it weakened me.

“It’s complicated,” I frowned. This was also out of the boundaries of small talk.

“I can keep up.” He seemed keen to hear my response.

“My mother remarried.”

“That’s not so complex,” he still looked confused, but his tone was gentler now. “When was that?”

“September,” I couldn’t stop myself sounding sad. Thinking about Phoenix, mom, Phil, reminded me how homesick I was.

“You don’t like him. Or he-”

“Phil’s great.” I stopped him. This guy seemed to have a problem with just asking.

“Then why aren’t you with them?” Confusion was beginning to give way to genuine curiosity, he seemed enthralled with every answer I gave. Had Edward never had a conversation before?

“Phil travels a lot, he plays minor league baseball. My mom stayed with me for a while but she missed him, so I sent myself here to spend time with Charlie.”

“I... don’t think I understand.” He seemed greatly disturbed by this fact.

“You don’t have to,” I retorted, confused at how he was talking to me, trying to reconcile this with last week.

This seemed to disturb him further, but then his face broke out into an amused smile.

“Am I annoying you?”

I frowned. “I’m just... confused.” I didn’t want to bring up how he’d behaved last week, not wanting to start an argument over my identity.

“You put on a good show,” he said, gaze turning contemplative, “but I bet you’re suffering more than you let anyone see.”

He sounded like he was quoting some magazine horoscope. I didn’t respond to this, looking to the front of the classroom. Edward seemed satisfied with the information he’d gained from me, and did the same.

#beau swan #edward cullen #twilight #life and death #agender #trans #queer #representation #fanfiction #my writing

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coalessscence · 6 years

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STATS

REPOST, DON’T REBLOG

(i’m doing this for remembrance) ・・・・・★ BASICS.

FULL NAME: Remembrance Raimond Descoteaux NICKNAME: doesn’t have any. honestly has never had anyone to give her one. the closest would be that while undercover, she rarely bothers to introduce herself- she rarely says much at all. she is commonly referred to as just ‘driver’. AGE: 26 (may be adapted) (verse dependent) BIRTHDAY: November 1316th, 1945 (verse dependent) NATIONALITY: French American PLACE OF BIRTH: Ohio, USA CURRENT LOCATION: Anywhere her case takes her, across the US and sometimes beyond. Technically, her non-undercover, legal residence is in new york, though. PRONOUNS: because she looks like a woman, she gets labeled as such and ‘ma’amed’, referred to with she/her, etc. she is agender, but in a time when that’s not really a well known thing, so she doesn’t have the terminology for it. she knows she doesn’t think of herself as a woman, but that’s about all she knows. she would honestly answer to literally any pronouns you decided to use without issue, but generally gets referred to as she/her and doesn’t feel the need to argue. ORIENTATION: polysexual, aromantic RELIGION: doesn’t subscribe to any faith in particular and was not raised with one; also is not actively an atheist. kind of just legitimately doesn’t care one way or the other. LANGUAGES: her first language was french; she obviously fluent in english as well, but has an Accent (tm) VOICE: the same as her fc, isabelle adjani. this is a p good representation. i would just say remembrance’s accent might be slightly more notable. ・・・・・★ PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES.

EYE COLOR: dark brown HAIR COLOR: dark brown HEIGHT: 5′4 BODY BUILD: short, tiny, very thin. she has more muscle than her boxy t shirts and button-ups let you know about. her widest place is probably her hips- but even those are on the slim side. she doesn't have a lot of chest either; not that she'd ever let you see it even if she did.

・・・・・★ NOTABLE FEATURES.

people always notice the accent. she’s sort of tired of them asking. not really angry- just over it.

notable scarring from being in fights, from being stabbed, and from that one bullet wound she had that time.

a sort of stoic existence; you rarely see a change in her expression or her tone of voice.

she’s actually very bad with people, outside the very specific professional standards she usually interacts with them in the parameters of, and as soon as an interaction leaves the script, it becomes very apparent.

has a necklace that was a family heirloom. pretty much always wears it.

・・・・・★ PHOBIAS & DISEASES.

PHOBIAS/FEARS: remembrance is a strange one- she doesn’t, in the traditional sense of the word, have a lot of fears. there are a couple things that concern her; the main being that she’s not a human like everyone else. she already feels different, for the gender reasons, and because being aromantic in the 1960s and 1970s with no terminology or awareness for it is a sure fire way to be branded a robot. but also, she just doesn’t feel like she fits in with people. she can’t say why. interaction is difficult for her, and emotions- both their expression, and sometimes, feeling them at all- are a problem.if asked to describe it, she might just say all of her emotions have the volume turned down. she can count on one hand the number of people she has had any kind of meaningful connections to. why would she pursue more? she isn’t human. no one would want her anyways. she’s too different. people don’t like her, and in return, she doesn’t like them. she’s afraid of people, and just a little bit of herself. DISEASES: when she was very tiny, before her parents died, they noted that their child was different from other children. she didn’t ever smile, she rarely laughed, and she lacked a range in expression that other children seemed to have. they took her to see someone about it, concerned that she was sick or that they were doing something wrong. some mention had been made of there perhaps being “an axis II personality disorder” at play, but the parents were also told not to worry about it- that they should wait and see how she matured before they were truly concerned for her sanity, and that it was “probably nothing”. they took that advice. it was not technically an official diagnoses. today, she might be diagnosed with asperger’s, and/or an avoidant personality disorder.

・・・・・★ PERSONALITY.

GENERAL IMPRESSION: i think people just have a lot of questions about her. who is this strange ‘woman’ who never smiles or expresses true humor? no one can tell if she likes them or not, no one can tell if she’s thinking anything at all. one of the few things holding her back in her career, from becoming a lieutenant or higher, is her interaction skills, and her general perception with others. no one knows her and she doesn’t know anyone. it’s like she was copy and pasted from another universe and brought nothing with her. she is smart, quick witted, and adaptable. she does have a (somewhat dry) sense of humor, and she isn’t actually an asshole- she doesn’t hate people, she doesn’t lack empathy, she’s not a sociopath. but that is how she’s perceived and she doesn’t go out of her way to stop it. she largely doesn’t care, but i also don’t think she would know how to.

but on the other hand, she is somewhat morally ambiguous. she is sort of rude sometimes, intentionally or not. she doesn’t mince words for tact. if your opinion is not indifferent or curious, it is hostile. the impressions that people have of her are all very similar, and she has sort of accepted all of them as an apparent reflection of herself. they all see her that way, so that’s who she is. she’s not offended. she just sees it all as facts. MORAL ALIGNMENT: true neutral

・・・・・★ MISC.

・・★ LIKES:

car & racing culture

driving in general

very strong coffee

traditional french foods

americana-flavored rock music (i.e. america, the eagles, etc)

sex

record & tape stores

androgynous clothing

the concept (but not the practice) of being a punk

actually helping people in her job (it actually kind of makes her feel something ???)

・・★ DISLIKES:

people who label her a certain, negative way

just people in general tbh

the way people have expectations for her & her life but don’t even know her

pretending to care

men hitting on her (why are they all so gross) (why do they ask why she’s ‘dressed like a dude’) (they can all fuck off in her opinion)

being asked to trust anyone for anything

doing any job she doesn’t actually care about

expressing emotion and/or being real or vulnerable

being told what to do

letting anyone else drive her car

TAGGED BY: @piper-aileen-lenox <3 TAGGING: uhhhhhH ok @surviivorx @psychicinstincts @themostpowerfuleditor @survivaliist @seesgood @truckturning @abouttiime @violetxsilverxstark @cointriicked @aggressivelyarrogant and akdhffgf ANYONE WHO WANTS TO STEAL IT AND TAG ME BC THATS P RAD

#🏎️ the 'wheelman' | MUSE (remembrance)#🏎️ had to pay off the judge to get my licence back | ABOUT (remembrance)#🏎️ car & driver's connection | HEADCANONS (remembrance)#⌲ t a g s #⌲ i don't wanna feel Q U E U E anymore #⌲ o o c #⌲ m u n s p e a k

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addiehour · 6 years

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There are a significant amount of nonbinary Jews out there, and a significant amount of confused nonbinary Jews specifically. What if I told you that there was an weird, fun way to dig through your tattered gender-mess to possibly come to some new conclusions-- and it used traditional Judaism (no specific denominational alignment required!) to do so?

Well, that way is here, and I’m going to write about it using simple-as-possible explanations of Kaballah! (Spellings of things in this post may be off; nobody knows how to transliterate Hebrew.)

Now, the basics of what I’m doing here: in Kaballah, there is a sefirotic model which uses (usually) 10 sefirot that represent-- in the loosest possible terms-- aspects of God. All of this is obviously under the label of ‘kiva yichol’, ‘if it were possible’-- it’s clearly impossible for humans to ever fully understand God, so we remember that this is all clearly hypothetical.

Of the ten sefirot, six are gendered: the three on the right are masculine, and the three on the left are feminine. This is obviously its own topic and worth discussing a thousand times over, but this post will focus on the center four (not counting Da’at; I’m using another model) sefirot: those without gender.

What I’m going to attempt to do here is to take a known quality or association of a sefirah, use it to clarify a gender label (or attach a gender label-- @ less-confused nonbinary Jews, this is like a fun what-sefirah-are-you quiz!), turn it into a way of thinking about one’s gender, and then use it to figure out my gender. At the end, I’ll decide which sefirah/gender label best fits me!

Context regarding current genderfeels: I don’t feel entirely like a woman, but I still feel somewhat like a woman, and I want to be seen as a man but for many reasons I do not actually want to be a man, and I’m very attached to the idea of being a Father Figure someday but I assume you don’t have to be a man for that anyway, and also sometimes I just don’t feel like I have a gender. Or perhaps I am both.

So, without further ado, the non-gendered sefirot and how they apply to my/your/our gender(s).

Keter is unknowableness, mysteriousness, something you can never fully understand. It is also the most all-encompassing; it is the first sefirah. This naturally works with the label nonbinary, which can not only be a comfortable fit for anyone who doesn’t know what their gender is, but is also clearly extremely open. Obviously, there are known genders within that label, but this is also an easy way out of having to search for hours through gender labels just to see if maybe this next one will be you.

That’s a great segue into what view Keter holds, actually-- one where you just let it go. You accept the facts, if they apply to you: perhaps you don’t know what your gender is. Maybe that is just how things are. That’s okay! This is a very easygoing view; for me, I often use this when I’m getting stressed out over gender stuff. It’s just gender, you know? Maybe I don’t know what mine is. There’s no reason I have to panic over it.

So, with that, what’s my gender? Keter says: Who knows? Who cares? It’s something or nothing, and either way it’s more important to get a snack.

The obligatory note: It is totally cool to have a defined, specific, closed nonbinary gender. This is for people who are confused and have no idea what’s going on.

Tiferet is many things. It is compassion, it is ‘just love’, it is mercy... The primary quality I will be discussing here, however, is that it is proportional. Chessed (male) is expansive, Din (female) is constrictive-- Tiferet, being between the two, is the Goldilocks sefirah. It is whatever it needs to be for the moment; whatever is ultimately best. In addition to that, Tiferet has to be synced up with and connected to all of the surrounding sefirot for it to be able to do its job. For this sefirah, I would use the labels demigirl, demiboy, and bigender; labels which explain the proportions and fluctuations of one’s gender or display an aspect of unity between genders.

Now, a note: Tiferet is both non-gendered (due to placement) and gendered (due to what I’m about to explain.) The ‘goal’ of Kaballah (there are definitely more than one) is to unite Tiferet and Malchut (mentioned later) through sex and marriage. The Shema is sex, and Shabbat is-- this will come as no surprise to those who have sung Lecha Dodi before-- marriage. It should definitely be noted that could be why many choose to see Tiferet as the ‘masculine’ counterpart to Malchut’s ‘feminine.’ If you want, you can absolutely attach this sefirah to demiboy and Malchut to demigirl, and that would certainly make sense as well-- the only reason I am not doing that is that I just don’t think Tiferet and Malchut need to be gendered at all to be a pair. Pretty much do whatever you want here; just figured it would be worth pointing out.

In terms of gender theory, I’d say Tiferet would imply a complex deconstruction of one’s own gender. Some people like to say they’re 90% male and 10% female, or 50% male and 50% neutrois, or 30/60/10% of whatever combination of genders. This is the method of gender understanding for you!

For me, personally, I think my gender fluctuates all the time, but maybe I would say-- 50% neutrois, 20% male, 15% female, and 15% nothing at all. Probably. I think.

And now we’re on to Yisod, which has an association of passion. I would say that, while this might be a bit complex, it’s sort of a ‘whatever I want right now’ type of gender. If you currently feel like a girl, then you are! If you feel like a guy, then you are! If you feel like both/neither/something else, you are! If I had to stick a label on this, I’d probably use genderfluid, obviously keeping in mind that these concepts aren’t synonyms-- some people have genders that fluctuate completely randomly, or in conjunction with things that have nothing to do with desire. That’s obviously also fair and this is only looking for the closest label.

So... I guess using this metric, I’d bring myself back to the label nonbinary. For me personally, there’s rarely a gender I want to be, and even when there is, it’s tempered-- sometimes I’d like to be seen as a man, for example, but that doesn’t mean that I like men or want to be one; that’s not where I want to end up. So this method lands me personally with the all-inclusive label of nonbinary once again.

Malchut as a sefirah is very complex. Its associations contain exaltedness, regality, humility, kingship, endings... For that reason, I’m picking two specific associations to take into gender theory: the end-all be-all of gender, and the gender that both is and isn’t, simultaneously. These meanings are drawn from the association of ‘endings’; and the fact that Malchut is both ‘humility’ and ‘regality’-- two opposites at once.

Both of these meanings fit the label agender. Obviously, when we have actual gender equality gender as a whole will be meaningless (since gender roles essentially just oppress women and there is no reasonable difference you could draw between genders.) At that point, technically everyone will be agender minus the label; nobody will have any genders because there will be no reason to distinguish along that line. In addition to that, agender is both a gender and not a gender-- in the sense that, firstly, despite not being a gender it is still using a gender label and functioning within the larger system of gender; and, secondly, it can be combined with many other labels. I’ve certainly seen many people who feel mostly agender, but ‘if I had to choose, then--’ or ‘it’s closer to--’ one or another gender.

And then, of course, you have the approach. When exploring gender along this line, I genuinely believe that you have to just accept things as they are. This is not the same approach as Keter (which is more along the lines of accepting unknowableness) but just acceptance of whatever may be going on. So rather than saying “I don’t know what I am and that’s cool,” it’s “I am a mix of things/I am a girl/I am partially a man and that’s cool.”

I guess I’m back to identifying as nonbinary for this one-- it’s a pretty helpful label for me, and the only one I really need. I think it covers pretty much everything I need; it’s not male or female and is expansive enough that I don’t have to worry about it not making sense for me tomorrow.

So: there are some Sefirotic ways to analyze gender. You can use them, you can toss them out-- it’s whatever. Just a potential way to think about things.

#jumblr #judaism #kaballah #kabbala #gender #bentxt #. dsljlksjgkjfd this is a project 4 class Please Be Nice !

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theticklishpear · 6 years

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My fantasy race is so magically powerful, they can mate with other races regardless of gender (cuz magic and reasons). The males are fertile but it's kept largely a secret because some of the other races are still ignorant/conservative/fearful. They choose mates based largely on harmonics between aura and soul energy via touch or close proximity, even scent. Should I be concerned this is complicated/wrong in some fashion or requires tweaking? Will trad gender roles be too much of a problem?

I’m going to admit that this question makes me intensely uncomfortable and incredibly confused, but I’ll do my best.

To start with, I’m confused about whether you mean races or species? Races are of the same species, and there’s honestly nothing keeping races from having relationships except cultural expectations. If you really do mean races, then “the males are fertile” makes even less sense and I’m not sure what you’re trying to say with that. I get a lot of Zeus vibes from this, who was well known to Have Relations with whomever he damn well pleased whether they wanted to or not. We do not need another Zeus in literature, let alone a species of Zeuses. Please make sure your species are still being consensual in whatever relationships they’re entering into.

I think your first step is to take a look at gender and physicality, and come to a deeper understanding of what you mean. Gender has nothing to do with the ability to copulate. Gender is a self-identifier. Humans here on Earth have made a pretty poor decision to attempt to tie a self-identifier to physical attributes, but gender is much more than whether two individuals are physically capable of having sex. So “they can mate with other races regardless of gender” isn’t an appropriate way to say that their magic enables them to ignore the physical barriers that might otherwise prevent inter-species relationships.

I honestly have no idea what “the males are fertile” means. Both ovaries and testes are capable of being fertile or sterile in our Earth human species, so “the males are fertile” literally doesn’t mean anything for me to be able to tackle. Does this mean it’s the males who bear the children? Or are males the only ones who are able to mate with other species? Why? What is it about them that makes that possible or impossible? I just don’t understand what “the males are fertile” means. (If the answer is literally just “because magic and reasons,” that’s not good enough, in my opinion. Why? Why did evolution shape things this way? How does it benefit the species to function in this way? Why not females, agender, non-binary, and other individuals? Figure it out. It’s got to be a better reason that “because reasons.”)

I’m not sure how another species would be able to remain “ignorant” in these kinds of things when there are literally individuals from another species? race? coming to mate with them. That kind of an event doesn’t stay quiet long, male or otherwise. Whether it’s believed to have happened or considered acceptable is a different matter, but “ignorant” isn’t likely possible.

Also, if inter-species/racial children are a thing in your world, I hope you’ve figured out what that looks like, how that happens genetically if you’re actually talking species, how each culture raises an inter-species/racial child, etc., etc. There’s a lot of baggage that comes with this kind of thing that I’m not sure if you’ve tackled in your world–building.

Finally, the crux of the question: Will traditional gender roles be too much of a problem?

Short answer: yes.

Gender roles are created within a culture, not within a species. (For example, the gender roles for the US are different than the gender roles for other places. There are no universal gender roles for humans as a group.)

Gender roles are guided by the values of a culture and what they consider important. The original ideas for “traditional” gender roles that you reference are based on ancient life and not at all on modern gender roles. Yes, some folks still abide by those “traditions,” because modern Western culture has skewed what make sense for ancient culture to do through a patriarchal lens and presented it as what is “good, right, and The Way It’s Always Been Done” for men and women.

But there’s no particular benefit for us to continue to do so with the way life has changed since those “traditional” gender roles were created, and when looked at as a form of species-preservation and efficiency, it probably doesn’t make sense for your race/species either.

The “traditional” gender roles you mention stem from hunter-gathering cultures that were small and whose continued population is important. The “women stay at home” idea comes from when the women were revered as life-givers and integral to the bearing of children. Men weren’t as important–any man would do–but a womb was critical and stuck closer to “home” or went out in groups to avoid the death of someone who could bring another person into the world. It persists today because conservative Western culture says that “that’s the way life’s always been and a woman’s domain is the house.” That idea is unnecessary once a culture grows out of the population problem, but modern Western culture hasn’t shed that stigma.

Another typical “traditional” gender role is that men should be doing all the labor-intensive work. Again, this is a misconception of what peoples living in bands were trying to do. It was common for men to do the hunting (read in Modern: the “big strong work”) and women to do the gathering not because women weren’t physically strong enough to do the hunting but because the women were to be protected as life-givers. They were also often more flexible than the men and did a better job of finding and reaching the best foods for gathering. The modern interpretation uses the sexual dimorphism of the human species at face value and implies that women are weaker than men. Again, this entire principle of men=physical labor and women=lighter work becomes entirely unnecessary when a culture doesn’t need to worry about population size and is able to acquire their food in excess from additional resources such as agriculture and trade. At that point, it has nothing to do with physicality anymore.

My point is this: “Traditional” gender roles aren’t a useful framework for cultures that have developed subsistence methods that are more intensive than bands and hunting-and-gathering.

To do your cultures more justice than simply overlaying our Earth values on your alien species, you ought take the time to build the gender roles according to the cultural values of the races you’re creating. Is there a legitimate reason that they would value these roles given to these genders? Is there a reason another gender couldn’t do something that our “traditional” gender roles dictates as belonging to a specific gender? How does keeping to these roles serve your story?

Good luck! -Pear

#pear responds #night of asking #posts by pear #writing #writing tips #culture building #cultural anthropology #alina774

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crimsonrevolt · 6 years

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Congratulations Leah you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Xenophilius Lovegood!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

To get a Pandora and a Xeno all in one day...! I don’t think my heart can take it. Xeno is always a beloved character and you’ve written him so well in your application that we just cannot wait to see what you do with him. Also thank you Taylor for dragging her here! *your faceclaim change to Austin Butler has been accepted

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

I’m Leah, 25, and I use female pronouns and live in EST

ACTIVITY

I’d say about a 7. I do have a full-time job, but I’m usually able to be around some evenings and weekends

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

Welllll…I happen to know Taylor and she may or may not have drug me here

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

Look, I know this is going to sound like a line given who I’m applying for, but honestly, it’s always been Luna. I’ve always been a Ravenclaw and always known that and was always really disappointed that really in the books (at the beginning) the only character we had was Cho. But then Luna was introduced and I was just so happy. She’s my little Ravenclaw baby and she’s so weird and bizarre and just owns that that’s who she is. The year she was introduced in the books, I made my parents buy me a Harry Potter robe, printed out a Ravenclaw emblem, hot glued it over he Gryffindor emblem, and dawned earrings of a crab grabbing onto a foot and went as Luna for Halloween. I just love how intelligent and eccentric, but also how good and loyal she is. It’s always been her above anyone else that I relate to.

ANYTHING ELSE?

Nothing I can think of :)

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Xenophilius Hezekiah Lovegood

Xenophilius knows their name is obnoxiously long. Nicknames are going to happen, it’s only natural with a name like Xenophilius, really. They don’t mind and they don’t really mind why you call them—Xeno, Xen, Philly, even Lovey if you wan to take something from their last name. But DO NOT, under any circumstances, ever call him Phil. Just. Don’t. Do it.

Additionally, being demi-male (see more later), he tends to use Xeno more when feeling masculine and Xen when feeling agendered.

FACE CLAIM

I’d really, really love Austin Butler (first choice) or Toby Regbo for Xen. I’m not against Jamie, but his tendency to play villains/assholes makes it a little harder for me to see him as Xeno

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

As stated above, I really, really love Luna which makes Xen an obvious choice. I’m also a Ravenclaw, so I feel like I have that tie to him. I started looking through the characters and there were probably a half a dozen I started looking at, but Xen just started talking to me before I even read all the way through their bio. I love that he’s kind of wild and crazy and just free. They believe fully in being whoever you are and not letting anyone stop you, unless of course you’re hurting someone else. They’re incredibly intelligent and driven to always know more and investigate more. I also see him as horribly loyal. Few people take the time to get to know Xen or become friends with them. But those that do gain a fierce friend.

I think an important thing to know about the Xen we’ll see in game play is that they’re not the same Xeno we see in the books. In the books, he’s a lot more unhinged (for lack of a more fitting word), a lot more willing to throw anyone under the bus for the sake of his daughter. But I think a lot of that comes from losing Pandora. He’s been in the midst of a war for the better part of 20 years, his wife died at her own hands (even if by accident) and there was nothing he could do to stop it, the wizarding community as a whole believes him entirely delusional, really the only thing he has is his daughter who’s taken by death eaters. A lot of what is seen in the books comes from all that trauma. He’s eccentric in the current timeline becomes craziness. His protectiveness of his friends becomes a willingness to go against even is own principles to save his daughter. His laid back, open-minded demeanor has morphed into something that’s jarring to most people. At their roots, the personality of current Xen is still very much the same as Xeno in the books, but the way it manifests itself is much more dialed back. Xen is a little more in line with their daughter now, rather than the more extreme manifestation they become in their older years.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

End-game for Xen is definitely Pandora. With how much we see that they love her in the books, I can’t imagine it any other way. That being said, I’m more than open to exploring other relationships with other characters. Xen is also definitely pansexual. They’re a person who loves love and acceptance and openness and not closing yourself off to anything for any reason so I can’t imagine them being anything other than pan.

When it comes to romance and sex, well Xeno actually has far more experience in the latter. He’s had his fair share hook ups—with parties of both genders and have they explored outside human/wizard species…well maybe. But romance? Honestly, Xen considers themselves lucky to have friends. They aren’t going to push anything more. They rather like the idea of falling in love, having some little house somewhere surrounded by plants. But love and romance at this point are more ideas to Xen than they are reality. If it happens, it does, and he’ll be more than happy with it. If it doesn’t..then they’ll just adopt a house-full of creatures and live happily ever after with them.

Xen identifies as demi-male with a bit of genderfluidity behind it, using both male and agendered pronouns. Gender is just another construct and they suppose they align more with male than female if they have to choose. That being said, the never-ending comments about being feminine for their long hair and tendency to wear far too many accessories never bothered him either. Use what pronouns you will with them, none of them really matter. Xen has far more important things to worry themselves with.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

-AN AESTHETIC

Pinterest for Xeno can be found here

-A PLAYLIST

Playlist for Xeno can be found here

-A FEW HEADCANONS

Xen’s crowning achievement of their Hogwarts years is sabotaging the Slytherin Quidditch team. It wasn’t about winning a game or the house points—Xen couldn’t care less about Quidditch really and the house tournament always seemed rather trivial to them. No, the Slytherin team was being rather awful to a group of first year Hufflepuff girls and someone had to put an end to it. So right before the Slytherin/Gryffindor game, Xeno may have enchanted all their brooms to give them all a horrible case of jock itch.

When Xeno wasn’t trying to sneak into the Restricted Section of the Hogwarts Library or wondering off into the Forbidden Forest, you could usually find them at the lake. It was a nice relaxing place and a good place to get high without the professors catching you. There was, of course, also the giant squid. Xen named him Sqedward and tried desperately to train him. Much to Xen’s dismay, the squid never did listen, no matter what they tried, and their dreams of riding the great beast as Muggles do dolphins at Sea World were thwarted.

Xeno isn’t sure how to feel about all the violence Aversio has been using lately. They’re not much prone to violence themselves and tend to take less traditional approaches when push comes to shove (see above). They don’t necessarily support just how violent the group is being, but they know something needs to be done given the state of the wizarding world and their Muggle relations. Sure, it’s nice the Order exists, but just talking about making change isn’t enough. You have to do something for anything to happen. Maybe Aversio’s path isn’t the right one, but it’s the best path available at the current time, so he’s going to take it.

Xeno has an extremely deep love of New Scamander. They think he’s absolutely brilliant. Living a life searching out and findings and treating and fighting for and writing about magical creatures, it just sounds like an absolute dream. Xen’s copy of Fantastic Beasts long ago had to be enchanted so the pages wouldn’t fall apart from wear and there’s paragraphs of notes scribbled into the margins. If they cared less about trying to make a difference for humans, they would almost certainly become a magizoologist, but there’s far too much work to be done getting humans to care about each other before trying to get them to care for creatures. Not that that puts any damper on Xen’s love of all things animal, vegetable, and mineral and his extraordinary adoration of his hero. The day Luna brought home a Scamader was damn near the proudest day of his whole life.

(Note: I saw you guys have a profession list and picked on that feels the most fitting for a young Xeno. I’m more than open to adjusting to fit your views/group needs for job positions.) Xeno currently works at the Daily Prophet. Sure, it’s corrupt and what they’re printing is hardly the truth, but Xen is convinced they’ll be able to change it from the inside out if only they try hard enough. They thought if they joined the Prophet they’d be able to print articles to change minds and change the ideals of the paper’s staff. So far it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere though. Most of his articles wind up getting cut out of the paper and the editor is scolding him more than publishing him. It’s starting to get frustrating, but they’re still holding out hope to make a difference. (The Quibbler will still be founded at a later date when Xen can no longer deny that they aren’t making any impact at the Prophet. Or possibly the Quibbler is founded as an Aversio propaganda paper that either uses Xen’s eccentric interests as a way to send veiled/coded messages to members or it just simply morphs into something entirely different as the war winds down and after Pandora’s death becoming the zany brain child seen in the books.)

Xenophilius sends Howlers quite frequently to anyone in the select group they consider friends. They’re not angry, no, of course not, that’s just now who he is. But there’s just something about a talking/screaming message that simply conveys things written letters can’t. Hand written messages just aren’t…dramatic emphatic enough.

More often than not, when writing Xen tends to dictate out loud to an enchanted quill while pacing around the room and keeping their hands busy.

Xen is a lover of accessories and is rarely without at least half a dozen rings between their two hands.

Xeno is a babbler. Bring up any topic he’s half interested in with anyone willing to even half pretend to be half listening and he’ll babble on endlessly about most anything. Their speech patters tend to involve long drawn out sentences that can be a bit hard to follow.

A few quick facts about their family: Their dad is a wizard while their mum is a muggle. Their father isn’t entirely supportive of their (for the time) progressive gender and sexual identities—the older Lovegood doesn’t necessarily scorn it or treat their child poorly, but he just doesn’t get it. Xen is an only child.

He brought a toad with him for his years at Hogwarts named Wartly. He talks to him a lot and even created a miniature, functional piano for the little guy to enjoy, fully infuriating most all of the Ravenclaw house as the toad would “play” at all hours of the night and Xen did absolutely nothing to “restrict the creature’s right to freedom of expression.”

Two brief headcanons about Xen as an adult that likely won’t have an impact on game play but I can’t shake:

Xen often calls his wife Panda Bear and his daughter his Little Moon

Xen’s knowns about the Deathly Hallows for quite some time, but the reason he carries so much information about them in Harry’s time is because of Pandora. After her death, Xenophilus poured himself into a way to bring back the love of his life. He’s still certain the only thing that could bring her back. He never managed it and maybe that’s for the best, but his knowledge of the Hallows comes down to his longing to bring back Panda.

Connections: (These are a few ideas for connections, all pending approval of the characters’ respective players and naturally his connections aren’t limited to these, but it’s a jumping off point and a look into how he relates to others)

Marlene—Marlene and Xen easily go back to their early Hogwarts days. She’s one of his best friends and one of few that can fully stomach everything that is the complexity of Xenophilius Lovegood. She’s a pub buddy and his go to for someone to smoke with. No one makes them smile and laugh quite the way Marlene can—even if they both spend just as much time rolling their eyes at one another.

The Black Family—The Black Family as a whole is just…distasteful to Xeno. They’re the perfect portrait of everything wrong in the wizarding community. They can’t stand them. Even Sirius, who’s long been a member of the Order and Aversio, Xen can’t quite bring themselves to fully trust—can someone truly disconnect so completely from a family so deeply tainted? The Blacks are violent and bigoted power hungry. Despite his typically warm personality, he’s often notably cold to the Black family and their backwards ways.

Rita—A fellow wizarding journalist, Xen and Rita have always been in the same circles. It doesn’t make them friends though. They have very different world views. She’s the kind who is actually published by the Prophet—though really he can’t see why as so many of her article are full of half-truths and exaggerations. Xeno is always trying to get her to write something good. Something worth her time. Something valuable and positive. It hasn’t worked thus far, so for the time being they’re really just rivals at best.

Arthur—Arthur Weasley is something of a treasure to Xen. They both have immense loves for things that no one else can quite fully appreciate. And sure, they don’t always have interest in the same sorts of things, but there is something nice about finding someone how loves loving things the way you do. The two can sit and babble on for hours, neither really saying anything relating to what the other’s just said and neither really minding because at least someone is finally listening to them.

Sybill—Sybill is so free and strange, just like himself and honestly, Xeno loves it. They always feel free to be unabashedly weird with her and it’s rather freeing. They’ve tried time and time again to get her to teach him divination. And she’s tried, she really has, but every time he fails to see anything of the future, he just tells her he’s failed to teach him properly rather than accept the fact that he’ll never have the affinity she does.

Lucius—Few people really truly get under Xenophilius’s skin quite the way Lucius does. He’s just so smug and so self-important and so sure he’s better than absolutely everyone when the reality is, he’s not. ‘Men’ who act like they are men, like they are more than what they are, when really, push comes to shove, they are nothing, are an utter frustration to Xeno. They’re very, very tempted to put him in his place and at some point, they just may. Someone needs to.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

“One? Only one? Boiling down the entire universe worth of possibility into only one options?” Xen’s cheeks puff up as he lets out an exasperated and dramatic sigh. “Merlin’s beard, that’s a big question. Oi I suppose…something that would cause some kind of instant karmic retribution. Or perhaps a potion that allows you to know everything—absolutely everything, even if only for a while. Or what about the ability to see all creatures, even the invisible one or the ones that run away really fast. Or maybe-” They stop, suddenly realizing themselves and let out a small chuckle. “Well I suppose that’s more than one it’s it. It’s far too complex a question. You can’t honestly expect anyone to be able to give only one answer, it’s entirely unfair.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“Well it would certainly have to be Marlene to bring along with me, it’d be rather grate fun. We’d find some good trouble to get into. I mean not that we haven’t already found good trouble in the Forest. You know everyone is so against the centaurs and, no, they’re not the friendlies group, but they’re not all bad. Now what would I bring with me?” They pause for a moment contemplating. There were plenty of good things to bring, plenty of things they had dug up spending far too much time in parts of the library and personal tomes that they should have never laid their hands on. The Philosopher’s Stone came to mind. Or maybe the Hallows. But that wasn’t exactly information they thought best to share with anyone. “Hmm…perhaps a griffin. Or a phoenix. Maybe a Thestral—they just have bad reps you know. Oooo, or perhaps a Graphhorn. Sure they’re rather hard to find, but you didn’t specify the likelihood of being able to obtain said object before entering the forest with it.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“Decisions in general are rather difficult I find. Even the most mundane ones. The world, by design, is full of choices and you’ll never be able to choose all of them—never. Isn’t that a thought?” As their words die off, their face gets an uncharacteristically morose look to it. “Those with gray morality, I suppose. Where right and wrong blend together and white and black are not so clear. When you know more needs to be done, but you aren’t sure the best path forward. The choices where there is no right and no wrong and yet someone could wind up hurt regardless. Those are the hardest.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“Most anything that could be said about me has already been said. And frankly, I don’t much care about any of it. I suppose he one thing I’d never want said about is that I’m unkind or uncaring. There’s a great many things that can be said about a person, but I think that, by far is worst. That and unimaginative. Both terrible, terrible things.”

REACTION TO LAST EVENT DROP

Reading through the plot drop, there were two different places I really saw some place that Xeno would fit in. In the first portion of the plot drop where Aversio and the Order are working together, it mentions that some, including Sirius are frustrated with how long it’s taking. I think Xen would fall into that camp. To them it’s just obvious that something needs done and everyone should be willing to take action. Sure, it’d be nice if it were a little more peaceful than what Aversio is doing now, but it certainly needs to be more than what the Order has been doing. They just can’t quite understand why things aren’t moving more quickly and why the two factions of the same side can’t seem to get along and find a solution. They’re trying to get everyone to work together and find a better middle ground, but it can at times wear at him and become rather frustrating.

The second part is that he would most certainly help Hestia and Edgar making the posters. Xen, being Xen, making a paper as bright and vivid as we all know the Quibbler is, I can absolutely see him helping to write and format propaganda (for lack of a better word) for Aversio trying to recruit or spread their message. It’s something he would definitely have a heavy hand in given half the chance. It’s something that would let his imaginative and creative ways be put to work. There’s also a fair possibility that if given a chance, he would have help with creating the potions to help Aversio/Order members go undercover to the Death Eater events as well.

WRITING SAMPLE

“Lovegood! My office now!”

Xeno was more than familiar with that tone. It was more or less the only one they ever got from the editor of The Daily Prophet. Sure, it had been a bit disheartening at first—Xen was used to their fair amount of trouble, but being a disappointment, a let down…well not so much. They had gotten used to it now. Which was probably why they were more often tasked with the mundane articles—new students arriving at Hogwarts, the menu changes at the Leaky Caldron, a nasty flea outbreak at Eeylops. Not that that stopped Xen from writing the articles they really wanted to write. The ones that really mattered. They waived their hand at the enchanted pen scribbling away mid-air and it clattered down onto his desk with a rather defeated clunk as he made it way into the editor’s office.

“What in the bloody hell is this?” the editor asked, slamming down his most recent article. The big, bold headline of Death Eater Takes Minister Title and the sub-caption of Rodolphus Lestrange, a member of the terror organization known as the Death Eaters usurped power unjustly from former Minister Millicent Bagnold. Sure, it wasn’t big flashy words, and Xen has spent ages trying to come up with something better, but he figured cutting it straight to the chase might be best given the circumstances.

“Well it’s the truth.”

“The truth? The truth? We can’t go making claims like that about the LestrangesXenophilius.”

“They’re not claims, they’re the truth.”

“You’ve nothing to support that argument.”

“I have everything to support that argument,” they countered. They could feel their typically laxed personality starting to pull back as they got more and more frustrated. How on earth was he supposed to do anything, change anything when every decent article he wrote led to this kind of conversation? There was good to be done here, change to be made, but once again, they were just the crazy little wizard with an imagination too bright to understand the reality of the world. What no one ever seemed to notice was that it was that exact imagination that made them see things perhaps a bit too clearly.

“We won’t be publishing this sort of nonsense here.”

“It’s not nonsense! Sir, surely you have to know! You have to know the kind of things that man is wrapped up in. Him and the Black family, all of the Death Eaters, this never ending parade of hate that’s only leading to genocide. The wizarding community needs to know what’s happening! They have to be enlightened.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“We’re the leading paper in the English wizarding community. If we’re not going to talk about it, then who will? We have a duty as members of the press to publish the truth, regardless of backlash, to make readers informed and keep them up to date on the reality of the world around them, even when it’s a reality that is hard to stomach.”

“Enough.” With that one barked word, Xen knew. They knew that surely, same as Rita, the editor knew. He knew about all of this and was just going on complicity. Maybe he was even one of them. “I was warned when I hired you. That this kind of drivel is what I’d get from you, but some of your professors seemed to have good words to say about you. Last time I listen to them.”

Xeno’s face fell. His writing wasn’t drivel. It was good. It was the only good he had to offer the world right now. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t doing anything if no one ever read it. Their mind flashed back to all of Aversio’s talks of future plans. All the wrathful ideas they had that churned Xen’s stomach. But sitting here and being peaceful wasn’t working.

People would hear Xenophilius Lovegood’s messages one way or another. Maybe they’d have a turn of staff soon, an editor who would listen, who would be interested in the truth. Maybe Rita would quit and free up page space that could go to articles that really mattered. Maybe the world would finally just start seeing things as they were and cry for the truth themselves.

“Get out of here. Go write me something I can actually publish Lovegood. We won’t be having this conversation again.”

Xen turned to the door, shaking their head as their fingers played with the rings that adorned each one, already plotting out their next articles—both the ones they would turn in and the ones they would find other ways to distribute to those who would listen. They were just to the doorway when the editor spoke again.

“And nothing about Nargles this time Lovegood.”

#Accepted App #HP RP #skeleton rp #lsrpg #xenophilius lovegood

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rnainframe · 6 years

Note

Your Fallout and Overwatch OCs? Null, Nos, Zed, 16, Mihail, Cain, Ainsley, Morgan?

this is gonna get really fuckin long so answers under the cut

skipping some i don’t feel like doing cause i’m low on time

1: What’s your OCs favorite color?

Null: Red

Nos: Green

Zed: Orange

16: Gray

Mihail: Gold

Cain: Green, orange

Ainsley: Blue, pink

Morgan: Orange

2: Where does your OC work?

Null: He does merc stuff alongside Mac

Nos: Nowhere in particular, but he used to help out as a casino in New Vegas

Zed: They’re just wandering

16: He’s a courier that’s also kinda like a hired gun

Mihail: Talon

Cain: Overwatch

Ainsley: Overwatch, also a detective place

Morgan: Talon

3: What’s your OCs favorite food?

Null: This stuff that’s ground beef and mashed potatoes, but he hasn’t been able to really have it in literally ages due to the Commonwealth having much different food

Nos: Anything edible when he’s hungry enough, really

Zed: They originally don’t really need to eat, but they like sweets a lot

16: Any kind of fruit if he can find some that are edible

Mihail: Steak

Cain: Lemon-lime stuff

Ainsley: Raspberries

Morgan: Some kind of soup

5: How old is your OC?

Null: 22 (technically 232)

Nos: 34

Zed: Looks early to mid 20s, actually about 102

16: 30 (nv), 36 (4)

Mihail: 38

Cain: 25

Ainsley: 21

Morgan: 32

8: What are some of your OCs strengths?

Null: Knows a lot about pre-war stuff, pretty good with shotguns and sniping, somehow charismatic

Nos: Takes No Shit, tireless, uhhh, strong boy

Zed: Synth stuff? idk, durable

16: i’m bad at this -- Doesn’t let morality get in his way, good with pistols, intuitive

Mihail: Pretty strong, good stamina/endurance, doesn’t give up easy, good with rifles, wolf stuff

Cain: Smart (though mostly about reptiles and chemistry), kind, has hope in a lot of stuff, resourceful

Ainsley: Good detective, her robot arm is Strong, used to be a really good boxer

Morgan: Strong gal, can climb pretty well, friendly

9: What are some of your OCs weaknesses?

Null: Anxious, easily distracted, not very good stamina, clumsy, shaky, smokes

Nos: Doesn’t do much in terms of self care, unstable, anger issues

Zed: Somewhat nonverbal, easily frightened, sort of a recluse when on their own

16: Apathetic, doesn’t really understand morality or emotion too well, slightly alcoholic

Mihail: Doesn’t believe he’s anything but something to be used (mainly as a weapon) by others, hard to control himself when shifted

Cain: Insecure, gives up easily in some situations

Ainsley: Immature, tends to sometimes go too far with joking, has difficulty taking things seriously enough

Morgan: Paraplegic after her accident, has low self-esteem from that and is eternally in a crisis until she’s in a better place and can properly cope with no longer being able to do rock climbing

11: What animal does your OC relate to?

Null: Wolf

Nos: Snake, vulture

Zed: Raccoon, seal

16: Coyote

Mihail: Wolf

Cain: Snake

Ainsley: Cat? idk

Morgan: Bear

13: What is your OCs earliest memory?

Null: He’s finding it hard to remember things from before waking up in the vault due to repressing a lot from the trauma he faced in there, but he has fond memories of when he first came out as trans to people that accepted him

Nos: He can’t remember much from before becoming a ghoul

Zed: Being told that they’re special by the woman that made them

16: Waking up to that one doctor dude

Mihail: Shooting someone in an alleyway in Athens for a very early job he had as a teen

Cain: First discovering his love for snakes by visiting a reptile house at a zoo

Ainsley: Seeing news of the Omnic Uprising on TV

Morgan: Climbing her first rock wall in a gym class in school

14: Does your OC have a cell phone? If so, what kind?

Null: pip boy?

Nos: noup

Zed: nop

16: pip boy????

Mihail: closest he has is a comm for mission stuff

Cain: fancy future smartphone

Ainsley: something built into her robot arm

Morgan: something simple, since there’s comm stuff in her mech

15: What makes your OC angry?

Null: Certain noises

Nos: Raiders

Zed: Wes getting hurt

16: People being cheap

Mihail: Things getting in the way of what he’s supposed to be doing

Cain: People disregarding health of animals and nature and stuff

Ainsley: People assuming things about her

Morgan: She’s too tired to be angry

16: When is your OCs favorite time of year?

Null: Autumn! crunchy leaves.... good smells in the air .... chilly but not too cold

Nos: Summer... he doesn’t need to worry about overheating with how bony he is

Zed: Winter! snow is soft!

16: Whenever it’s not as hot in the Fucking Desert he lives in

Mihail: Autumn

Cain: Summer, warm n good

Ainsley: Spring, flowers n nice weather

Morgan: Summer, perfect time for rock climbing

21: Who is your OCs best friend?

Null: Mac, Dogmeat

Nos: Eliza

Zed: Wes

16: Arcade

Mihail: 22, Arvid

Cain: Dakota, Ainsley

Ainsley: Cain, Gari

Morgan: 22

23: Whats your OCs biggest secret?

Null: He doesn’t like talking about being from the past.

Nos: Him being a ghoul because of drug use and not radiation is a sensitive topic for him

Zed: Being a Synth

16: He hates who he used to be despite who he used to be being a much better person

Mihail: He’s not one for secrets

Cain: The dude he’s in love with is technically undead

Ainsley: How she lost her arm

Morgan: She’s insecure about her entire identity after the accident so she tries to hide her face and stuff in public (another reason why she was so easily manipulated into depending on the mech)

24: What does your OC smell like?

Null: Cigarettes, leather.... also faint cologne

Nos: Someone who really needs to shower

Zed: Metal and old books

16: Alcohol, gunsmoke

Mihail: Kind of earthy and like leather that’s been around metal a lot, like a guy that spends most of his time hunting in the woods except what he’s hunting is people and the woods are wherever Talon sends him

Cain: Fruity cologne and chemicals

Ainsley: Sugary perfume and aromatic shampoo

Morgan: Sunscreen, soil, sweat

27: What languages does your OC speak?

Null: English and a very basic amount of German

Nos: English, bits of Spanish from spending a lot of time around New Vegas gang people

Zed: English, can also easily figure out coded and crypted stuff

16: English, Italian

Mihail: English, Greek, some Norwegian learned from Arvid

Cain: English, Portuguese, a bit of Spanish

Ainsley: English, Scottish Gaelic

Morgan: English, Welsh

38: Does your OC have any pets?

Null: I like to imagine he has Dogmeat but instead of a German Shepherd it’s a Black Lab

Nos: noup

Zed: nah

16: nope

Mihail: used to have a malamute, left it with his family

Cain: A Brazilian Rainbow Boa at home and various venomous reptiles kept for his studies at Overwatch

Ainsley: A cat and a leopard gecko at home, she wants to get a cockatiel at some point

Morgan: nah

44: What color eyes does your OC have?

Null: Brown

Nos: Black (as a ghoul, green as human)

Zed: Blue-gray

16: Hazel (brown and blue type)

Mihail: Gold, naturally amber-brown

Cain: Green

Ainsley: Used to be green, now they’re bionic ones that are pink and blue

Morgan: Blue

45: Does your OC like reading?

Null: Mostly fantasy stuff

Nos: nah

Zed: They like reading old textbooks, encyclopedias, biographies, everything there is to know about anything, but mostly humans and their behavior

16: He checks out comic books he finds in his journeys sometimes

Mihail: He’s secretly a sucker for romance

Cain: Stuff on animals and sciencey stuff

Ainsley: Mystery, horror, romance

Morgan: Sporty stuff

49: What country was your OC born in?

Null: Missouri, USA - Moved to the setting where Vault 111 is at some point

Nos: The Commonwealth, USA

Zed: wherever the institute was a century ago, USA

16: Arizona, USA

Mihail: Greece

Cain: Born in Brazil, moved to Florida at a very young age

Ainsley: Scotland

Morgan: Wales

51: What is your OCs favorite genre of music?

Null: Diamond City Radio

Nos: Not much of a music person

Zed: Classical stuff or anything that doesn’t have words to it, easier to read to

16: Old swingy jazzy stuff

Mihail: we just don’t know

Cain: Acoustic folksy stuff

Ainsley: Rock

Morgan: Pop

53: What is your OCs sexual orientation?

Null: Gay

Nos: Bi

Zed: Doesn’t really understand orientation but is in love with Wes

16: No preference but likes Arcade

Mihail: Gay

Cain: Gay

Ainsley: Lesbian

Morgan: Aroace

55: What gender is your OC?

Null: Trans male

Nos: Male

Zed: Agender

16: Male

Mihail: Male

Cain: Trans male

Ainsley: Female

Morgan: Trans female

58: Is your OC introverted or extroverted?

Null: Ambivert

Nos: Extrovert

Zed: Introvert

16: Ambivert

Mihail: Extrovert

Cain: Introvert

Ainsley: Extrovert

Morgan: Extrovert

59: What is the first thing that someone would notice about your OC?

Null: His fidgeting and sort of tired and anxious look

Nos: His horrible slouch and how bony he is

Zed: How bundled up they are no matter what

16: That kinda dead look on his face

Mihail: he’s HUGE

Cain: He’s got all this bright stuff on and has tattoos and piercings

Ainsley: Her arm

Morgan: probably the mech she’s in a lot of the time

#infodump #p0key's ocs #null #nos #zed #courier 16 #mihail lykourgos #cain abdul #ainsley mackay #morgan griffith #anon #answered

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danieljgrouse · 6 years

Text

Gender

I think most trans and nonbinary people have these memories from their childhood that could be completely normal and inconsequential kids stuff or a proof that this is what they have always been. It is difficult to place a definitive value on these memories. Your childhood behaviour could mean anything and the human memory has the nasty habit of being coloured by our present. Still, I suspect we all sometimes sit there and wonder. Whether we have always known or not, we still have these little pieces of the past of inderminent value.

I used to play with dolls occasionally and was fascinated by beauty products. Sometimes strangers would assume I was a girl when they’d meet me. It always made me feel strange. On one hand, I was flattered, they obviously did it because they thought I was cute and pretty and so I had to be a girl. I liked the idea of people thinking I’m cute and pretty. But it also made me angry that being cute and pretty was a girl thing.

My family would tease me for liking red and wanting to wear red clothes. “Red is a girly colour!” (Now, if you’re thinking “Dan, is that a local thing? Is red considered a feminine colour where you live?” … No, not really, I still don’t get it.) Whenever my mum would be fixing anything around the house she would say “you should be doing this, not me, it’s a man’s job”, which would just make me quietly angry. I never understood these weird gender stereotypes men’s job thins, women’s job that, plus I was a child and she was an adult, pretty sure she was more qualified and none of it was a job for an eight-year-old.

Once I reached my teenage years I had begun understanding that I should probably try to fit in. I was worried about people seeing me as more of a weirdo than they already had. I didn’t want “Is he gay?” to be part of their distaste for me. Even though I kept asking that question about myself constantly. So I would start leaning into the masculinity thing. In my weird and misguided way. Not really macho, just… a twitter egg. With all of the self-important cluelessness, just with better intentions. I’m still paying for that part of my life, trying to unlearn all of the bad habits, it’s a fun source of self-loathing.

Then came uni and I slowly started becoming less of a shitty person yet still a totally clueless one. See my whole life, since the moment I knew transgender people existed, quite possibly even before that, I would occasionally stop in my tracks (literally, I would stop in the middle of the street) and think “Am I trans? Am I a woman? Would being a woman make me happier?”. The answer would always be “No, I don’t think I would be any more happy as a woman.” and so I would carry on with my life being totally convinced I was a cis man. There was an essay about our personal identity I had to write for a social psychology course. I wrote about how I was a white European cis straight man and how the cis straight man parts of my identity really never felt like a real and important parts of me probably because thanks to my privilege I never really had to think about them (conveniently totally ignoring the fact there was never a point in my life since my teenage years when I wasn’t questioning my sexuality and my gender).

Not long after I began realising things. My asexuality, being bi/pan, started accepting being aro-spec much later on. It had actually started with pronouns years before. I had realised I was uncomfortable gendering random people, especially non-specific ones. And then I had realised I prefered to think about myself in gender-neutral terms. Somehow not even that managed to tip me off. And then this video came along. And suddenly many things started making sense. I never really cared for my assigned gender, it never really felt like me. But neither did the other binary one. And being “misgendered” never really did much to me. Sure, I probably wouldn’t feel better as a woman but I wasn’t a man either. I didn’t have to be either. My discomfort with gendered terms suddenly started making sense. I realised I was agender. And started following the work of more trans people. And releasing more and more things as I would identify with many of their experiences. Figuring out that some of the feelings I used to connect with my depressive episodes were actually dysphoria.

I identify as nonbinary now. Most of the time I don’t really experience gender. Sometimes I feel dysphoric and wish I could present differently and have a different body. But I know that if I did have a different body I would still feel dysphoric, just in the opposite direction. My experience of my self is way too fluid. Sometimes I feel feminine and my life becomes painful. Sometimes I feel masculine and I question whether I’m just faking it all. Sometimes I feel like something completely different. Most of the time, I don’t get the whole gender thing. Most of my social dysphoria doesn’t come from wanting to do things that would be more me but rather not being allowed to do things and being expected to do others based on gender norms I truly do not comprehend.

My dream is to one day be allowed to be out and do whatever I want. Both because I would be happier as myself but also because I feel bad about being in the closet. I feel like I’m letting down all the people who still have to figure things out and who need the inspiration and encouragement from their fellow queer people who are further along the journey. I feel bad about pretending to be a cis man and being allowed all the privileges that come with that, even if I have to pay with my mental wellbeing for that. I feel like there’s a lot of figuring out I still need to do but can’t as long as I don’t experiment and stay closeted. But the reality is that for as long as I need to rely on work to be able to eat and pay the bills I can’t afford to visibly break out of the expected mould. Already I have people use homophobic slurs when talking about me behind my back when they think I can’t hear them.I can’t really help anyone on their journey of self-discovery by being that queer on the street who has it figured out and is just being themself. But I can at least write a wall of text nobody will read in hopes it might help still someone. And if not, at least it helps me to get all of these thoughts out of my head.

#agender #nonbinary #personal thoughts

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subasekabang · 7 years

Text

Title: Anything To Make you Stay, Chapter 9 Rating: T Word Count: Total: 15,761, chapter: 2,136 Characters: Joshua, Neku, Shiki, Eri, Beat, Rhyme, Hanekoma, Kariya, Uzuki. Pairings: Josh/Neku. Warnings: Suicide, Major Character Death, Depression, semi-detailed depiction of dead bodies, mentions of ableism, one minor allusion to transphobia Summary: Joshua and Neku have been best friends since they were 11, but their friendship starts to fall apart after Joshua goes missing for a week, soon after his 14th birthday. Lies corrode the bond, and Neku’s vivid nightmares of finding someone’s dead body does not help. A year and a half later, they hit the boiling point. Always look before crossing the road, kiddos. Author’s Note: Autistic Josh and Neku! Afab demiboy Josh! Agender Rhyme! Usage of sign language! This was a fun fic to write please enjoy it.

Chapter 9:

Neku wakes up at Tipsy Tose Hall. Josh is already awake, of course. He’s been like that every day so far. He stands up, brushing himself off.

“Ah, so Sleeping Beauty decided to wake up. The others are already up and about. Beat and Rhyme are heading over to AMX, while Eri and Shiki are seeing if they can head over to Molco.” Josh pulls out his phone, fiddling with it.

Neku pulls out his own when the text tone sounds. “Alright, Erase the Noise at Spain Hill. Should be easy enough.”

“There’s probably a twist to it. Noise feed off of negativity. Some people might be stirring up trouble.”

And off they go, solving the problems of Shibuyians.

While they buy some chili dogs, he takes a moment to stop and think. It’s strange to look back just a few weeks, and remember how much he didn’t care. He didn’t hate people, not with a bitter loathing for each person he met, but besides that friend of his, the rest of humanity could turn to dust, and he wouldn’t have batted an eye. Everyone else was gray, boring, not worth his time.

Now though… Now, he can look around, and see the colors, see the way everyone shines. He suspects that the Music he’s always heard might be related to this side of the world.

Rhyme was the first step. When Josh had that talk with Beat, Neku had his own with them.

They had been frowning, and when he’d asked, they’d said, “I can’t remember my brother.”

“Entry Fee, probably,” was his reply. “Mine was the memories of my best friend. I know I died after we had a fight, and I remember vague things, but otherwise? Nothing.”

They nodded. “It’s the same for me. He’s there, somewhere, but I can’t remember specifics. I hope he’s doing okay.”

“It’s like… It’s not a hole, it doesn’t feel jagged around the edges. More like when a radio is out of tune, or when graffiti gets faded to the point where you can’t see it. If I didn’t know about the Fees, I might not’ve noticed.” That’s a scary thought. Neku knew, at one point, that his friend had meant everything to him. To have this missing piece of his heart be taken forever? To not even realize what was missing? That would’ve been hell.

Then there had been a conversation with Shiki, while Josh was showing Eri some more sign.

“What’s the case between you and Eri, anyway,” he’d asked.

Shiki shrugged. “We’ve been best friends for a while. I’ve always admired her. She was popular, she was sweet, everyone loved her designs. I wanted to be a fashion designer like her. I made Mr. Mew myself, my first attempt at sewing something. Just before we died… We got into a fight, she told me I wasn’t meant to be a designer. I took that bad, it was my fault we–” she cuts herself off, takes a breath, and looks away. “She just meant my talent was as a seamstress. I envied her too much, I guess.”

“You can’t blame yourself for whatever happened!” he’d insisted. “From what it sounds like, she did a lot of the talking between the two of you. She could’ve listened better, thought before she spoke, and maybe that fight would’ve turned out better.”

“Maybe…” her voice was hollow, unconvinced.

“Hey, listen. A little bit of jealousy gives you something to shoot for, as long as you don’t fixate on it too much. I marched off from a fight with my best friend, only to get run over by a semi-truck. There were things both of us could’ve said to keep it from ending up like that, probably. I dunno, I don’t actually remember much of the fight, cuz of my Fee, but my point holds.” He grinned, nudging her in the side.

Shiki smiles at him, bright and wide. “Maybe you’re right… Thanks.”

It takes longer to figure out Beat. Once he learns that he’s Rhyme’s sibling, it clicks into place.

On day 4, hanging out at the Crossing, they’d had a chat, Beat telling him about Rhyme, and what his home was like. “Our parents were always comparin’ me to them. Sayin’ why couldn’t I be more like Rhyme. ‘Rents didn’t care ‘bout my best, didn’t care at all, so I stopped carin’ too. Rhyme though, they never gave up on me.”

“Hey man, fuck ‘em. If that’s what your parents are like, don’t listen to them. You don’t need that. I’m sure you’ve got something you’re good at, something you like doing. Even if you don’t know what that is, we’re all gonna win, and you’ll have plenty of time to figure it out. You’ve got us now. All of us.”

Eri was harder to talk to, but between her limited signing and paper, they’d discussed guilt complexes and how listening, thinking, was important. He’d gathered she spoke a lot before, so maybe this was a chance to learn patience.

He didn’t know why he was taking in everyone else’s problems. It wasn’t his job to listen and give advice, he’s not a therapist.

But that what he does. These people, everyone, has their own little world, isolated, that they live in. He’d been isolated, before now. Sure he’d had his friend, but they never reached out to others, never tried to live instead of laugh at the caricature of everyone who passed by.

So helping Ai and Mina is less of a bother than he would’ve thought. He’s happy for them, when they make up and walk off.

Day 6 has Tin Pin. They all have a few hours to kill before the slam, so they spend it practicing, playing against each other.

It’s Josh and Neku’s turn to do the 1v1, when Neku decides to chat. “Hey Josh, tell me more about yourself.

“Any specifics you wanna know, dear, or are you just trying to distract me so you have a shot at winning?” Josh grins.

“I dunno, anything really. You mentioned a friend before, tell me about them.” He smiles at Josh, dropping the game of snark they play.

Josh’s grin falters, and he sighs. “He was… He was my best friend. My family was pretty shitty, between being autistic and gender and seeing the UG, I was not the perfect child they wanted. I was weird, kids at school didn’t want to be my friend, and Hanekoma was a good parental figure, but not really a friend. I met him a bit after I turned 11, after meeting Hanekoma, and by that point, I’d learned good and well not to tell anyone about what I saw. So we hung out, explored the city, joked about how other people were, but I never told him. I guess I was afraid that I’d lose him if I did.”

“If he was going to reject you for that, then he wouldn’t have been a very good friend,” Neku says, frowning as he loses another pin in the battle.

“I know, but I didn’t want to risk it. I was a coward. He was everything to me, and I don’t think I would’ve been able to bear the pain if he did reject me. I didn’t think he would, but there’s that voice in the back of my head, reminding of all the times others called me a freak. I didn’t want to be his voice.” Josh looks sad, eyes downcast, mumbling his words, posture shrinking as if to hide away from the world.

Neku feels a surge of emotions, and it takes time to pick them apart. Worry, deep in his gut, over how Josh could’ve ended up in the Game. Empathy (curse hyperempathy, it settles less like a washcloth on his heart and more like a case of cold, biting steel), because he knows the bitter sting of a friend’s rejection.

There’s something else, crawling up from the pit of his stomach and into his throat, a sickly, greyish green spider, spinning a web to clog it all up. It sticks, coating the sides and trapping the emotions inside.

He doesn’t know why guilt is flooding him like this.

Neku would offer Josh a hug, if he didn’t know Josh was touch-adverse. As it is, he pokes him in the side. “Well, we won’t abandon you. You’ve got more friends now, all of us. You won’t be alone anymore.”

Josh’s eyes flit up to him, to see the softness in his smile, the sincerity in his eyes, and he smiles back. “Thank you, Neku.”

The smile is quickly replaced by a scowl as Neku knocks his last pin away, and Neku grins over at him. “You got too distracted by being sappy.”

“Shut up and stop using underhanded tactics, or I’ll find a way to get you in more Lapin threads.”

He narrows his eyes. “You wouldn’t.” It’s not that he really minds, but the theatrics have become a joke now.

“Don’t test me.”

He laughs. “Fine, let’s slam.”

In the end, he takes home the win. Neku suspects Josh might’ve had something to do with Shuto’s malfunctioning equipment, but a win’s a win, and it kept them all in the Game one more day.

They all wake up in the Scramble, once more, for day 7. When six phones chime off in unison, they all grab at them, and let out a collective groan.

^The Game Master awaits you on the freeway. Defeat him. You have 600 minutes. Fail, and face Erasure - The Reapers^

“Well, that’s plenty of time to get ready. Once we’re all set, we should decide which of us will go first,” Josh says.

“You and Neku should be the ones to try first,” Shiki says. “I mean, you’ve both got the best chance, so if you go first, the rest of us won’t risk being Erased.”

Neku looks around, to see Eri and Rhyme nodding, and Beat puts in a “Sounds like a good plan to me.”

So they do the daily shopping (at Josh’s insistence), spending the ludicrous amount of time they have preparing. Neku insists they grind on Noise (what better way to prepare for a battle than to battle, after all?)

It’s late in the afternoon when they finally head down to the Station Underpass. Before they go too far, though, Neku stops and turns around to face them all.

“No matter what happens, you’re all my friends, got that? Once we come back to life, let’s all meet up at Hachiko, yeah?” he asks, smiling.

Eri nods, signing a yes with her hand.

“Of course!” Shiki says.

“You can count me in!” chimes Rhyme.

“I’ll be there, yo!” Beat says.

When Josh says nothing, they all turn to him. Neku raises an eyebrow, and Josh sighs.

“I can’t promise anything,” he mutters, “but I hope to be there with you all.”

“Good enough,” Neku says. “Let’s do this.”

Joshua and Neku walk forward, leaving the others behind to watch on, as they approach the Game Master (Ram Crotch, a voice in his head whispers. He holds in a laugh at the thought).

The most notable thing about the guy, besides the absurd belt buckle, is his usage of food puns. Who the hell says ‘Prepare to be spicy tuna rolled!’ before an epic battle, seriously?

After that, it’s just a matter of dodging attacks and hitting Higashizawa with all he can throw at him. Shockwaves, pyrokinesis, lightning bolts, all of it. He can feel Joshua fighting in the other plane, dropping all types of items down from the sky, from motorcycles to vending machines. He keeps his thoughts focused, syncs up his attacks with Josh’s.

The energy fueling their bond builds. The Music swells, reverberating between them, a crescendo of power, threatening to tip over. It blooms inside him, and he struggles to hold it back, waiting for the opportune moment.

It comes when Neku finishes dodging the balls of energy he flings about. White hot light ignites under his skin, as he throws his hand out and channels all that energy into an attack. Josh picks up on what he’s doing and does the same.

“Another world awaits…”

“And you’re going!”

The meteor plummets into Higashizawa, smashing him into the ground, plowing him down like he’s nothing. Which is exactly what he is now. Nothing.

The battle fades around them, and then they’re back in the UG, wearing matching goofy smiles. Adrenaline still courses through him, but now it’s being waylaid by relief. He has time to glance back at the others, eyes darting away from Josh for a second, before they’re all enveloped in a soft warm light, twirling around them.

They all disappear together as the light takes them to their final judgement.

#fanfic #submission #TWEWY #TWEWY Bang 2017 #composerwithashotgun

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