#'hell of it' because. i cannot handle that much screaming lmao

[stars-n-spice]

Thoughts on s3 ep 07!

fuckin bitchass episode broke my "no crying streak" of fuckin,, one episode, fuck you

anyways,, y'all know the drill,, spoilers and me screaming under the cut!

i love commander wolffe so much

when the clone assassin (who is Tech,, let's just be honest here,,) got out from under the rocks I was like, "Hey what the fuck,, that should've KILLED you" and was also like "ok so that's definitely Tech, why the fuck does he keep coming back??"

wolffe being like "these are clones" gave me so much hope,, baby I hope you come around and join your brothers,, I am BEGGING

something something,, being defective,, not following orders,, the clone assassin operative,, yeah,,

uGH wolffe looks so so so good in TBB animation

Batcher licking Nemec :(

Crosshair does a lot of,,, "I'll handle it",, he wants to feel useful I'm - :(((((

shakey hands,, ughhhh

the "operative" is surviving WAY too much for him not to be important

"we need to go" - "we're waitin on you" :(((

"she only bites half of the time" OH MY GOD,, PLEASE

I love you Batcher, you are the best girl

GET YOUR FUCKING DOG BITCH - IT DON'T BITE - YES IT DO,,

lmao i really thought they were going to get away and then they got fucking shot down,,

Wrecker's groan when Batcher jumped on him to get out of the ship asldkf;a

I'm so happy about Wrecker not getting a lot of screen time but I'm also not,, because to me less screen time means less of a chance of him dying or something but it also means less of me getting to see him

but everything he does on screen is wonderful,, he's amazing and I love him and he could just be standing there in the background just breathing and i'll be acting like he just blew up the death star or something

CROSSHAIR IS SUCH A GIRL DAD

I cannot get over Crosshair and Omega's dynamic oh my GOD

Star wars, you can't give us this good of a dynamic for only ONE season,, PLEASE let them survive

him checking up on her,, making sure she has all her things and sticks close :((( FUCK

I love how it sounds like it's physically hurting Crosshair to ask Omega if she's good and has her things together,, that's so funny to me

"You're just as bad as Hunter" - "Oh, I'm much worse." OH MY GOD.

screaming crying throwing up

i went, "Nemec and Howzer better not die" AND THEN LIKE TWO MINUTES LATER NEMEC GOT FUCKING SNIPED

i was so mad

CMON

Howzer changing his mind about Crosshair :(( wondering if he's thinking about Hera :((((

"Loyalty meant something to me" UGHHHHH, fucking,, AGGUHHH,, the essays that could be written on Crosshair and loyalty,, FUCK

oh the way Crosshair is as open as he is to talk about what happened :(((

godDAAMMNN

when Wrecker did the thing,, where,, he like,,, he um,, y'know,, like the,, move where,, and he,, he bashes,, bashes uh the two,,, bashes two heads together,, and knocks them unconscious,, hmm, yeah,,,

WRECKER PROTECTING BATCHER?!?!

that man is perfect oh my god,, fucking HELL,, I want him so badly,,

"I don't like that idea" - "too bad" AGHHHH YOUR HONOR I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

something something Crosshair doing the most to feel useful and needed UGGHHH

hey is it just me or did the animation for the water with the waterfall look,, like,, weird?? or strange?? idk,, it just seemed off to me

ALSO THAT FIGHT?? fuck that was cool

also if that really is Tech,, Crosshair got his ass handed to him by Tech lmao

BUT ALSO IF THAT WAS TECH,, the fucking angst man,, he seriously almost killed Crosshair,, holy shit

Howzer's new look is so,, MMh,, the,, fuck,, the holster straps on his thighs,,, the pouch on his chest,, ughh

the fact that these operatives like,, KNOW Crosshair,, they KNOW he went through the program and didn't comply the way he should've,, idk,, it's just,,

"you chose the wrong side" FUCKING LEAVE HIM ALONE MAN YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP MAKING HIM QUESTION SHIT AND HIS PLACE IN EVERYTHING FUUUCCCKK

Crosshair looked fucking terrified during that fight and for good reason too he was getting his ASS handed to him (granted he doesn't have much of one but still-)

also,, him being not super great in hand to hand combat got me thinking because,, dude's a sniper,, he keeps his distance,, his thing is long range shit,, and fucking,, boy if that doesn't reflect on his character,, not wanting to get close,, keeping a distance,, MAN

HOWZER TO THE RESCUE <33

for the like,, third time my assurance that this operative is Tech was ruined as he fell down that waterfall but I am a fucking FOOL

Crosshair said "thanks" that's fucking crazy

OH I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT REX AND WOLFFE HAVING A FACE TO FACE TALK (hunter and Cross take notes)

UGGHHH SO HAPPY I GOT TO SEE WOLFFE'S BEAUTIFUL FACE

i was so scared when Wolffe was like "I'm a soldier of the Empire" BABY YOU'RE NOT

PLO KOON COME GET YOUR SON AND FORCE GHOST TALK SOME SENSE INTO HIS FINE ASS

but then he let them go :((

Gregor showed up on the screen and I fucking,,, I fucking swooned

wolffe is going to be in SO much trouble after this,, oh my god,, I'm so scared for him

BUT THAT BETTER NOT BE THE LAST TIME WE SEE HIM FUCKING HELL

did i mention how fucking fine Wolffe looks in TBB animation??

there's so many fucking wide shots of,, characters on opposite ends of each other,, like,, fucking hell,, i get it

WE GOT THE SEELOS TRIO IN A SCENE TOGETHER AGUUHHHH

Gregor you are so fine

his new armor,, ughh

WOLFFE fucking,, mmmh,, shit

fucking knew the operative would survive that shit,, fucking hell

alrighty folk BUCKLE up,, seems like the next episodes we're going to start getting some confirmations about Omega!

cried when Rex and Wolffe were talking to each other

i was so happy the "i thought the end of the war would be the end to losing our brothers" conversation from the trailer was here because I was scared it was going to be a conversation that was going to happen after losing Echo or something,,, for now he's safe

ugh,, i already miss wolffe

[heavyhitterheaux]

Put it On The Floor

First Lady of Private Garden Instagram AU

Liked by jackharlow, cardib, urbanwyatt, claybornharlow, taylorrooks, angelreese, brandisimmons, normani, theestallion, and 6,912,005 others

y/ninsta: Rip me out the plastic, I been actin brand new 🤭

Put it On The Floor AGAIN, BITCH!

Big Latto and Big Bardi!

MIDNIGHT!

claybornharlow: produced by little baby 😊

y/ninsta: claybornharlow you always come thru for me!

claybornharlow: y/ninsta unlike my sibling

jackharlow: PAUSE claybornharlow what the hell is wrong with your ass?

2forwoyne: WHAT'S HAPPENIN?!?

claybornharlow: jackharlow little baby always wins. woulda thought you learned that by now

jackharlow: claybornharlow not when it comes to this ass whooping you about to get

normani: PRETTY BITCHES ONLY!!!

y/ninsta: jackharlow claybornharlow you two need to go to family counseling, my goodness lmao allthingsy/n: AHHH WE READY QUEEN!

jackharlowsource: might have to change my name to y/nsource lmao the queen has been killing it lately!

theestallion: y/ninsta they'll never learn lol

angelreese: thank you so much for having me!

y/ninsta: angelreese of course bby!

jessicakelce: TRIPLETS WHERE?!?! YALL ABOUT TO EAT THIS SHIT ALL THE WAY UP!

blancahood: somebody go and check on grandma lmao

y/ninsta: blancahood lmao she might need to be hospitalized after this

saweetie: y/ninsta blancahood lmaoooo aye yo

saweetie: I got the prettiest best friend everrrrr

urbanwyatt: oh y/ninsta jackharlow finally let you out the house?

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt no I snuck out and left the triplets with him. jessica and blanca were outside with the car running lmao

jackharlow: had me fighting for my damn life. I'm calling for her ass and next thing I know, I hear tires scraping and they asses flying down the street full of bad decisions and hot chips. just like in high school smh

saweetie: NOT FULL OF HOT CHIPS AND BAD DECISIONS

urbanwyatt: jackharlow not our fault we can handle spicy food and you can't and y/ninsta not you ditching the husband lmaoooo

y/ninsta: jackharlow baby please stop being dramatic. I was gone for less than an hour and they just went to wing stop with me 🙄 urbanwyatt I was coming back!

jackharlow: y/ninsta coulda fooled me the way yall asses was flying down the street! about to make me a single parent and shit

quiiso: jackharlow we woulda helped you with them!

shloob_: quiiso speak for yourself. I'll take the first two, but yall can have Autumn

2forwoyne: shloob_ don't tell me you scared of Autumn just like you scared of her momma lmao

shloob_: 2forwoyne SHE IS LITERALLY A MINI VERSION OF HER THAT LOOKS LIKE JACK. I CANNOT HANDLE IT.

jackharlow: I know our youngest is a little terror but damn lmao

claybornharlow: jackharlow that's funny because when she's with me she is always on her best behavior

y/ninsta: claybornharlow because she adores you lol

claybornharlow: jackharlow you hear that big brother? how your child love me more than you? just like your wife

jackharlow: claybornharlow all I hear is you screaming for mercy as I kick your ass

y/ninsta: CUT IT OUT, YOU TWO! LMAO

y/ninsta added to their story

Liked by jackharlow, shloob_, maggieharlow, dualipa, saweetie, champagnepapi, urbanwyatt, neelamthadhani, and 4,819,263 others

y/ninsta: told them bitches meet me at the top, think they got lost

blancahood: grandma definitely got lost. think we need to buy her walker to catch up?

jessicakelce: blancahood nah, she need one of them motorized wheelchairs lmao

y/ninsta: the both of yall get on my damn nerves lmao

jackharlow: my baby girl 😍

jackharlow: y/ninsta lemme suck on you like you sucking on them wings 😉

urbanwyatt: jackharlow NO, WE ARE NOT HAVING A REPEAT OF WHAT HAPPENED ON THE PLANE TO AUSTRALIA

wingstop: you're in her DM's, we're in her lap

jackharlow: wingstop I'll do you one better, I'm in her mouth 🥰

y/ninsta: JACKMAN THOMAS! PLEASEEEEE

saweetie: jackharlow I CANNOT WITH YOUR ASS

taylorrooks: and this is why yall asses got three kids now smh

y/ninsta: taylorrooks can't help it sis, my man fine lmao

yungskylark: we need to place bets again yall. how long you think before she's pregnant again?

normani: yungskylark 24 hours

claybornharlow: yungskylark 2 weeks and 5 days

druski2funny: yungskylark spoiler alert, she's already pregnant

2forwoyne: yungskylark a year at most and druski2funny y/ninsta is about to kill you for that lmao

y/ninsta: NOT YALL PLACING BETS!

jackharlow: oh lemme join!

jackharlow: at the absolute most there will be a six year difference in between our triplets and the next baby, at the absolute least three years because someone decided to get on birth control

y/ninsta: jackharlow you have super sperm, I couldn't risk it lmao

saweetie: y/ninsta oh swallowing wasn't working out as your birth control anymore?

y/ninsta: saweetie it wasn't! I needed to take more serious measures and druski2funny shut your ass up because I AM NOT PREGNANT AGAIN

druski2funny: y/ninsta YET

y/ninsta: normani imma kick your ass too smh

normani: y/ninsta not my fault I can see the future

dualipa: jackharlow taking you to court for child support once she leaves you for me

claybornharlow: dualipa GET IN THE BACK OF THE FUCKING LINE!

jessicakelce: LMAOOOO HERE THEY ASSES GO!

jackharlow: both of yall can fuck all the way off. only one I might drop off on your porch and speed down the street is Autumn.

y/ninsta: jackharlow yall gonna stop talking about my baby

jackharlow: y/ninsta did she not just stick her lollipop in my hair earlier and laugh and you had to cut it out or was I imagining things?

y/ninsta: jackharlow she went to Harlow baby jail and served her sentence!

jackharlow: y/ninsta and now she's back on the streets terrorizing folks smh

Liked by jackharlow, saweetie, urbanwyatt, taylorrooks, neelamthadhani, nemoachida, yungskylark, claybornharlow, and 4,253,071 others

jackharlow: I swear I'm set for life, she let me get her preg 😏😏

y/ninsta: 🤭🤭🤭

yungskylark: actually surprised it took this long

urbanwyatt: keep in mind the pregnancy scare at 16 lmaoo

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt you are never about to let that go, are you? lmao

urbanwyatt: y/ninsta NOPE

dualipa: jackharlow duh, we needed a sperm donor. thanks Jack, Jack!

saweetie: jackharlow fights for his life every single day on this app lmao

jackharlow: dualipa I better not see you on my door step this weekend

dualipa: jackharlow too late, flight's already booked

jackharlow: dualipa well unbook it, unless you want to meet my flame thrower face to face

y/ninsta: jackharlow baby quit it! allthingsy/n: jackharlow what's your favorite line in the song? jackharlow: allthingsy/n the end lmao allthingsy/n: jackharlow WHY YOU SHADING YOUR WIFE jackharlow: I meant what she says at the end lol y/ninsta: jackharlow you nasty as hell smh jackharlow: y/ninsta you the one who said it not me jackharlowsource: wait what she say? urbandjack25: jackharlowsource it's giving cunt, she playing with her pussy in the booth lmao jackharlow: y/ninsta surprised you didn't call me to take care of that for you y/ninsta: jackharlow come take care of it now!

jackharlow: y/ninsta SHE STARTED IT!

y/ninsta: jackharlow but on a serious note, I love your smile and you look so happy in this pic 🥰

jackharlow: y/ninsta because you rode me less than an hour ago

y/ninsta: jackharlow never mind. I take it back.

jackharlow: y/ninsta just playing, baby! you know you and our little ones can always put a smile on my face.

urbanwyatt: jackharlow Autumn will be the one to give you more gray hair, not a smile on your face

jackharlow: urbanwyatt she's already started smh

jackharlowsource: our parents are really growing up in front of our eyes 😥

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, saweetie, taylorrooks, cardib, dualipa, claybornharlow, estgee, lilnasx, druski2funny, and 5,193,072 others

y/ninsta: Ivy, Axel, and Autumn’s momma 😘🥰

saweetie: THE BADDEST TO EVER DO IT!

jackharlow: RIP ME OUT THE PLASTIC!

urbanwyatt: I BEEN ACTIN BRAND NEW

yungskylark: BITCHES ACTIN LIKE THEY RUNNIN SHIT

2forwoyne: THEY REALLY RAN THROUGH

jackharlow: prettiest baby momma that I ever did see 😍

lilnasx: still can't believe you and jackharlow are in charge of three little people lmao

privategarden: lilnasx we can't either lmao

jackharlow: privategarden WHAT?!

privategarden: jackharlow 👀👀👀

y/ninsta: jackharlow aww why thank you 🥰

y/ninsta: lilnasx it's weird lol like they are mini versions of us. LITERALLY.

urbanwyatt: y/ninsta 2fo ate my lunch you made me

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt AGAIN?! 2forwoyne get in here NEOW!

2forwoyne: y/ninsta what the? why do I get blamed for everything?!

yungskylark: 2forwoyne because it's usually you! smh

y/ninsta: okay PG, Sunday dinner at our house. Do not wear any loose jewelry either and 2forwoyne take urby to get some ramen to make up for it

neelamthadhani: y/ninsta what the?

jackharlow: neelamthadhani Autumn's new phase is stealing jewelry and hiding it. my pg ring was lost for a week. it was in her toy chest.

druski2funny: jackharlow yall kids would be bad as shit lmao

jackharlow: y/ninsta's mom told me exactly why too. y/ninsta was HORRIBLE as a toddler 😭😭😭😭

y/ninsta: jackharlow AHT AHT! was not!

jackharlow: y/ninsta mom said otherwise lol biting kids and running smh

y/ninsta: jackharlow she wouldn't leave me alone so I bit her

jessicakelce: NOT BABY Y/N BITING PEOPLE 😭

jackharlow: y/ninsta and that's where your anger issues started lmao

y/ninsta: jackharlow no ragrets, that hoe had it coming

jackharlow: y/ninsta you were literally 3!

y/ninsta: jackharlow I bite you all the time and you don't complain

saweetie: OH

jackharlow: y/ninsta I plead the fifth

y/ninsta added to their story

Taglist:

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@hoodharlow

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[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i think one of the things that upsets me the most about velma and shaggy's relationship in sdmi--and boy there is a lot--is that not only is her constantly ''correcting'' him for minor, harmless, and usually completely reasonable things with physical and emotional abuse, well. abusive by itself. but so many of the things he does that she treats him that way over are very autistic things, and what she subjects him to is textbook abuse aimed at autistics in particular. (including the part where she gets more and more pissed whenever attempts at said emotional abuse fly over his head, because he's too bad at picking up cues for them to land fully.)

[cws: anti-autistic ableism, ABA, self-harm, physical and emotional IPV, victim-blaming, and abuse apologism. it's a lot and it's really fucking bad lmao]

-

like. there's a lot of examples there; shaggy's behavior coming across as autistic is worth a whole post of its own, and a lot of media depicts abuse targeted at autistic traits because ✨️hooray ableism.✨️but she straight up tries to Fix Him (read: force him to perform a Presentable Personality) by forcing him to wear clothes that are sensory hell, and trying to condition him to self-harm every time he does some small harmless, reflexive thing she thinks is Poor Socialization until he stops. and to catch himself doing it, and punish himself, without being prompted. i cannot fucking overstate how fucked up that is.

they even got down the fun little aspect of ABA where the methods of conditioning-through-pain are presented as toys and kiddish things: she gives him a rubber band to wear on his wrist, and tells him to snap it as hard as he can every time he says 'like.' 🙃🙃🙃🙃

like. this does not begin to scratch the surface of the abuse she puts him through in general. and again, characters being abused for autistic traits with the approval of the narrative is a common thing in media, which sucks. but holy fucking shit! they really took the 'violent ableism that is done to autistics irl' to the next fucking level here!

.......and it's portrayed as kind of cringey, immature teen drama on both sides. the self-harm, his dread over how much he knows it'll hurt, and the extreme pain it causes him to the point of screaming are all supposed to be funny. and her arc is all about learning to accept that she deserves better, because she was repressed and had low self-esteem and therefore putting him through fucking DIY ABA didn't make her happy.

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

anyway if you couldn't tell i can't fucking stand sdmi velma and i have a lot of words in me about it. when one of your main heroes would have made a way more compelling villain as they are, on a more mundane level compared to all the wild fantastical shit they go up against, holy shit go back to the drawing board you have fucked up. she could have been genuinely good representation of a marginalized person dealing with the trauma of her experiences in some shitty ways she has to grow past, and an interesting flawed character, without being absolutely despicable--hell, she'd have made a great foil to pericles if they'd handled him decently too. they have a lot of parallels, which only gain more depth when you add their respective parallels with cassidy into the mix. and it really fucking sucks that we got this instead.

[im-out-of-it]

PSA: FUCKING HELL I WRITE A LOT OF RANTS BUT THIS IS WHEN CORDELIA TELLS MATTHEW SHE WILL NEVER LOVE HIM AT A PARTY FULL OF ALCOHOL AND POOR MATH IS TRYING TO RECOVER

look I’m not going to sit here and say that Cordelia is a rehabilitation center for men but girl did not need to say “I cannot and never will love you Math” to my boy Matthew at a bloody Christmas party full of drinks. does the man have problems???? yes but I still love him lmao and to tell him you’ll never love him AT A FUCKING PARTY????? like girl what are we doing here?

and I truly believe that Cordelia knew from their trip in Paris that she only loved James and wanted to either use Matthew as a rebound or some kind of get away. and maybe Matthew didn’t actually love Cordelia and felt safe around her. who knows because CC certainly didn’t

I’m just saying that in a party full of alcohol, with a man who is trying to stop drinking, and that’s when you tell him there can’t be false hope???? THERE ALREADY IS FALSE HOPE

I don’t mind a love triangle but actually write it well. I wouldn’t have minded (I’ve said this before) if Matthew and Cordelia fell in love when she was married to James. would’ve been interesting. but these two barely begin anything and it’s just lazy writing and miscommunication. we don’t really see them falling for one another, you know?????

it feels a cheap shot to me. I don’t like that Cordelia suddenly decides to end any false hope when she knows that Matthew is trying to stop drinking. and I’m not saying she should be walking on eggshells around him but Matthew is trying here!!!!! it doesn’t feel right to suddenly say it here

it’s just written so atrociously. I originally wanted Matthew with Lucie and the writing for him really goes downhill. give him some man who will treat him as he matters PLEASE. I could use another bay relationship and so could yall. it’s just all sudden in a way. Matthew is in control and responsible of his own drinking and the way he handles his habits but at the same time, it feels wrong for Cordelia to do this

I’m not a fan of the way Cordelia is written after the second book. her character also goes downhill. this series had the potential of being good but it screams that 1. CC does not care about it. 2. she doesn’t put any effort into it. 3. there’s way too much miscommunication, out of character traits, and the writing is some of her laziest yet. the way she rushes everything last minute. if you didn’t want to write this book, girl then say that lmao

I also get if Cordelia needed time to decide if she wanted Matthew or James but come on, she’s going to pick James. this is a CC book and the herondales always win and get the girl. like in what world is Matthew going to get a happy ending? NONE. you have a complex and interesting character (not James lmao) but yet you do absolutely nothing with him

honestly someone take the rights to CC’s books and rewrite them please I HAVE BLOODY GOOD IDEAS TRUST ME

I just feel for Matthew here 😭 and I get if this is maybe a weird stance to take and I do see both views but in the end, this wasn’t the right time to say this to Matthew. in my stupid opinions, this should’ve been done as soon as possible. Matthew is not fragile glass so stop treating him as such. I think he’s a man who would rather know how someone feels about him than treating him as some delicate thing. justice for my boy Math 🫶🏼

[ghost-town-story]

Currently obsessed with integrating Below into Band AU, whoops

(Will be rambling beneath the cut lol)

Aiden, wrapping his mic wire around his arm: “There’s something in the water, it washed away my pain. I lost all of my power, there’s nothing left to gain”. Swapping out with Brian because that poor boy cannot scream to save his voice but still yelling the lyrics without his mic. (Devastation)

The Past is Dead, c’mon. The whole band yelling those backing vocals. Just. Having fun, jamming out, constantly moving because there’s no way they can stand still with that energy. Brian suddenly coming in to scream the line “Anything it takes to feel alive!”

Something about Aiden or Brian singing “I don’t want to be so sympathetic now.” Just. Aiden “I’m stronger than this”. Brian “Don’t you dare fucking pity me”. Aaaah. Brian would definitely have such a hand in writing these lyrics bc holy hell they fit him so well. (Fed Up)

“And I'm starting to feel concerned When I disappear, no one will care About a single word that I put in the air 'Cause I'm know saying that I'm hurting's getting old, I can tell” Theo latching onto Brian: I care, you dipshit. You have at least five other people who care about you. (No Return)

Phantom Pain would be fun because I’m still getting tripped up by that intro into the chorus, which honestly? Considering Band AU SWS also pulls inspiration from DGD? Yeah Aiden’s having fun with fucky time signatures and syncopation lmao

Skin honestly sounds like it could be about a closeted kid. I know it’s not, but it sounds like it. The queer subtext is there. I mean, come on. “I’ve been sleeping on the floor of my closet again.” “I’ve been burying it down in my system again.” “I’m so uncomfortable” being repeated so many times in the song. I could write an entire fucking essay about the queer subtext in this song, but I’ll stop there lol. But just. Brian my poor forced-in-the-closet/forced-out child. Struggling with his sexuality, with labels, still not wholly comfortable with everything but at least now he has company, he’s not alone.

Aiden has to shelve some songs until Brian joins the band, because he Does Not have the voice for them. Philosopher King (by DGD) is one. I Won’t Give It Up is another. Ashe never liked the band, always tried to convince Aiden to drop it, to give it up. Eventually Aiden gets fed up (heh) and writes half a song, concludes he doesn’t have the voice to give it justice, and shelves it for a later date. (He always says later. He always has a little hope that one day, he’ll be able to do those songs justice, or they’ll find an unclean vocalist for their band.) Four years later, they stand in a practice room, and Brian backs up Aiden, giving the lyrics that extra edge he always wanted as he yells “What I’ve made is all that I have, and I won’t give it up for you!”

The Band AU SWS lyric chat is a thing of wonder between Aiden, Theo, and later Brian, just for firing off snippets of lyrics as they pop up. Brian doesn’t do vulnerability (excluding when he’s too drunk to have a filter), but there’s something about seeing Aiden and Theo go back and forth over lyrics, and (though he would never admit it) a bit of a warm fuzzy feeling when he sends a line and Aiden replies with “!!!!!!”. So maybe they wear him down a bit. Just enough for Brian to send off a few lines. “Pulling away from my emotions now” “Choosing silence just to escape my insecurity, but the quiet only makes me crazy” “I’m crumbling under the pressure”. Theo, texting Brian outside of the lyric chat: I’m coming over Which is how Brian finds himself with a weighted blanket named Theo cuddling the hell out of him.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 294: A Half-Assed Escape

Previously on BnHA: Mirio was all “SURPRISE I’M BACK THANKS TO OUR RESIDENT SEVEN-YEAR-OLD WHO RECENTLY EARNED HER BACHELOR’S OF BEING A TOTAL BADASS.” Kacchan was all, “you know what, Dabi’s been trending long enough, time to remind the fandom what a real G looks like,” and he blasted his little bleeding body back into the fray and was all “FROM HERE ON OUT CALL ME DYNAMIGHT!!” Mirio was all, “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... oh, you’re serious,” and Kacchan was all “!!”, and so that’s the story of how my son got murdered twice in one day. Meanwhile in the Todoroki Drama Zone, Deku was all “STOP MURDERING MY FRIEND” and Dabi was all “THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” and fandom had a whole big debate about Whether Or Not Dabi Trying To Murder Deku’s Friends And Mentors Is Any Of Deku’s Business, which went exactly how you think it went. Anyway, so then Deku yelled at Dabi, and Endeavor was all moved by his manly words and randomly went to go uppercut Machia in the chin. And, seeing as how the Momoserum finally chose that exact moment to kick in, Machia is now down for the count.

Today on BnHA: The Miriosquad handles the Nearly High End Noumus, freeing up Jeanist to jasphyxiate (okay that one doesn’t really work so well) the rest of the League. Compress is all “TIME FOR THIS MILD-MANNERED SIDE CHARACTER VILLAIN TO SHINE”, except that by “shine” what he actually means is “use his quirk to punch a literal hole right through his own ass to free himself.” The rest of the chapter is basically just a back and forth between him and Jeanist, with Jeanist trying to recapture him, and Compress repeatedly thwarting him by chopping more holes out of himself because HE’S FRESH OUT OF FUCKS, AND THE ONES AT THE STORE ARE ALL SOLD OUT, MOTHERFUCKERS. Anyway, so with Compress basically dying and all, Horikoshi is all “you know what that means”, and delivers a freshly-baked villain flashback revealing that Compress is a descendant of Harima Ouji, a.k.a. the Peerless Thief, a.k.a. some famous guy whom Gentle mentioned this one time for like two seconds back in the day. The chapter ends with Compress finally demasking himself and dumping Tomura back onto the ground, a.k.a. The Worst Possible Place For Tomura To Be. ( •﹏•)

WHY IS CRUST HERE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD

-- OH WAIT, SHIT. OH

AIZAWAAAA you’re alive and receiving medical help thank GOD. HOW MANY EYES DO YOU HAVE. AND MIRKO!! HOW MANY LIMBS DO YOU HAVE, OMG

so is this Aizawa dreaming about Crust’s final moments, then?? jesus. with All Due Respect to Crust’s memory, does Aizawa not already have enough misplaced guilt on his conscience as it is?? “nope, we’re gonna keep piling it on. that’s all he is now. three limbs, an indeterminate number of eyes, sexy hair, and Guilt” well shit

motherfucker y’all really out here placing an oxygen mask on Gran Torino’s corpse. fucking shounen characters. each one comes with a lifetime warranty

DAMN YOU HORIKOSHI WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOWING THESE CLOSE-UPS OF HAWKS’S UNCONSCIOUS FACE ALL WHUMPED OUT AND EXHAUSTED. HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS ARE WE GOING TO GET. ARE YOU PLANNING ON KILLING ME WITH THE UPCOMING CONVALESCENCE ARC, BECAUSE IF SO, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL ME AHEAD OF TIME SO I CAN MAKE A WILL

for a moment I considered going back and checking my previous recaps to count how many times I’ve already made a joke about Dabi’s fire incinerating Hawks’s wings but not touching so much as a hair on his five o’clock shadow, so that I could calculate whether or not I could possibly get away with making that same joke one more time. but then I realized I could just do it in this kind of roundabout way I’m doing right now instead. so there you have it

FFFFFFFMT LADY AND MIDNIGHT NOOOOO

PLEASE BE ALIVE. PLEASE RESPECT THE SIGN ON THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING. THE ONE THAT SAYS “NO LADY CHARACTERS ALLOWED TO DIE”, WITH THE FINE PRINT AT THE BOTTOM “AT LEAST NOT UNTIL HORIKOSHI GIVES US LIKE TWENTY-SIX MORE OF THEM FIRST IF THAT’S THE WAY HE WANTS TO PLAY IT.” IT’S A GOOD SIGN, PLEASE RESPECT ITS WISHES!!

so anyway though, Jeanist is giving a speech about how god knows how many people all worked together to bring Machia down. and now RHA is getting in on those fabric puns too, I see. “A SINGLE STRAND MAY BE THIN BUT TOGETHER THEY FORM A STRONG ROPE” oh so you think you guys are funny eh? I’m a frayed knot

MEANWHILE EXCUSE ME BUT WHY ARE YOU FUCKING CRYING BLOOD, HOLY SHIT

fffffff. so much for him taking over as the Number One once all this is over. so let’s just recap real quick, because Horikoshi has long since made it clear that one of his plot goals for this arc is to wipe out every single member of the Billboard Top Ten. so how we doin?

Endeavor - was just figuratively eviscerated in front of the entire nation by his homicidal zombiepunk son. also burnt half to death and possibly down a lung. will almost certainly be forced to retire after this one way or the other

Hawks - lying prettily in a medical tent. wings status: gone. hair status: still perfect

Jeanist - WELL I THOUGHT HE WAS FINE BUT APPARENTLY HE’S OUT HERE DYING, JESUS CHRIST

Edgeshot - MIA, last seen fighting Re-Destro. I really want him to have kicked RD’s ass because fuck that guy, but realistically they probably fought to a draw at best

Mirko - alive but in critical condition and missing something like 1.5 limbs

Crust - dead, currently haunting Aizawa’s traumatized dreams. now he’s gonna be triggered the rest of his life by people giving him the thumbs up, THANKS A LOT

Kamui Woods - was set on fire which is His Weakness. thoughts and prayers

Wash - last seen floating hospital patients to safety as Tomura’s wave of decay descended towards him. probably dead ffff

Old Man Samurai - haven’t seen this fucker in a hot minute, who even knows where he’s wandered off to

Ryuukyuu - currently being treated for her wounds, looked pretty bad off. but it’s hard to tell how hurt she is since most of the injuries were acquired in her transformed state. SHE BETTER GET WELL SOON

anyways, so yeah. so much for the top ten. guess that’s another reason Horikoshi brought Mirio back now, huh

so there’s a big panel of everyone fighting the Noumu while Machia lies there all “blurgh.” good riddance my dude. it took like twenty chapters and a hundred people to stop this guy so I really fucking hope he stays down. you’ve had your fun

anyway so Jeanist is sending another steel thread towards Dabi! and he’s all “just a bit more!!” fklklj this is gonna go real well isn’t it

meanwhile Mirio’s fighting a Nearly High End with all of these weird rock formations jutting out of its skin. go on and kick his ass then, Mirio

“each of these guys is probably just as strong as the Noumu from Kyuushuu” hold on I thought Ujiko or Tomura or someone said that wasn’t the case? not that Mirio would know I suppose. anyways let’s just hope he’s wrong cuz if not these kids are probably screwed

kLSDKFHLSKHGLKLK OH MY GODDDD

IIDA FUCKING TENYA YOU’RE A PEACH. THINKS THE NAME IS OUTRAGEOUS, CHECK. USES IT ANYWAY, CHECK. “JUST BECAUSE I DON’T UNDERSTAND DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T BE SUPPORTIVE.” WHAT A CLASS ACT

AND KACCHAN IS RESPONDING WITH AS MUCH DIGNITY AS HE CAN MUSTER

WOW, SON. IT’S ALMOST AS THOUGH YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO, OR SOMETHING!! although listen up, real talk, the fact that Kacchan of all people can’t muster the energy to yell at someone questioning his ability to kick ass is HIGHKEY troubling and we may be in need of an intervention here soon :/

now Jeanist is finally turning his attention to the League! was... was it not already on the League. omg

ACTUAL SCREAMING AHHHHHH FUCK FUCKLK LK AHHLKHKFFFF

hey so um. what the actual fucked up hell. my soul left my body. imagine if you saw the reflection of this panel on your bedroom window. you would never sleep again

OKAY RHA TRANSLATORS ARE YOU HAVING YOURSELF A LAUGH AGAIN

THIS CANNOT BE WHAT HE’S ACTUALLY SAYING RIGHT. BUT IT’S RIGHT IN THAT UNCANNY VALLEY OF NOT BEING QUITE SURE, THOUGH... (　ﾟдﾟ)

(ETA: just a next-day clarification here, apparently my sleep-deprived ADHD word-skipping brain completely skipped right over the “a” in that last panel, so what I read was, “and Shigaraki’s limp noodle.” so yeah, the moral of this story is always read the speech bubble carefully before you start making running jokes throughout the rest of your post, folks.)

oh wow he’s really freaking out lmao

to be fair though, I’d argue that Dabi has gotten pre-tty close at this point :’) thrilled for him, really I am

but anyway, well then figure something out you big dramatic robot-armed fiend. didn’t you just say you could touch your own ass? can you not just Compress yourself to break free?? does it not work on you? or would you be stuck afterwards lol

(ETA: I was picturing him compressing his entire body at once, not just chunks of it. ghhhlkh.)

um

holy shit Jeanist. are you stupidly trying to cut off their air, or are you going for more of a sleeper hold (jleeper hold??) thing instead. the latter would be way smarter and faster and probably safer as well just saying

but unless Spinner is just being super dramatic, it sure looks like he’s fucking strangling them djslkjlk. this will certainly cement his popularity among the villain stans. good thing you’re not running for office any time soon bud

anyway so I have no idea what these guys are trying to do now. what is this

do you even have till the count of 5 at this rate. I mean

OH MY GOODNESS

HE’S REALLY FUCKING DOING IT!! HE’S COMPRESSING HIS BUTT!! OMFG. TOMURA HIDE YOUR NOODLE!!!

WHAT THE FUCK

DID YOU COMPRESS A PIECE OF YOUR OWN ASS. FUCKING WHAT. PUT THIS MAN’S PICTURE IN THE DICTIONARY NEXT TO THE WORD “LOYALTY”, HOLY CRAP

HOLY SHIT COMPRESS

“HOLY SHIT DID THAT GUY JUST PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH HIS OWN ASS IN ORDER TO SAVE HIS VILLAIN PALS. FUCK IT, HE DESERVES TO ESCAPE”

jeez, talk about... A HALF-ASSED ESCAPE ATTEMPT :D :D :D hahaha. but real talk though, Horikoshi has clearly never tried to leap twelve feet straight up in the air multiple times in succession with only half his glutes though. everyone, I regret to inform you that this panel right here on the left may be slightly unrealistic

also where the hell is he going to go?? did you pack a jetpack away in one of those little marbles sir. and what about Dabi?? and Skeptic too, I guess, but we don’t really care about Skeptic

(ETA: at this point I had to stop reading for about two hours because I had to go out and take care of something; that’s also why this is being posted later than usual lol. anyways so where were we.)

oh my lord

the existence of a translator’s note here implies that the earlier line about Compress being able to reach Tomura’s junk was not, in fact, ad-libbed. hmm. hmmmmmmmm

anyway so now he’s grabbing Compress again because OF COURSE HE IS, so now we’re right back to square one! except now Tomura and Spinner are secured inside of little marbles, and presumably Compress is the only one who can release them

oh nevermind he’s just maiming himself again instead, SHEESH

Skeptic a man is dying please have some goddamn respect

so, uh. is he gonna die, though??

I really can’t tell wtf is going on here, this is the most confusing the art has been in a while. Horikoshi put all of his spoons into that creepyass close-up panel earlier, that bastard

OMG WHAT ARE YOU SERIOUS

DON’T FUCKING TELL ME THE “COMPRESS IS RELATED TO THIS THIEF GUY FROM OLDEN TIMES” THEORY IS ACTUALLY TRUE WHAAAAAAT. OH SHIT

so apparently Harima was a Robin Hood type guy who stole from... heroes?? wtf. are heroes the 1% in this scenario. y’all didn’t have any Fortune 500 CEOs to steal from?

THAT’S THE BLOOD THAT FLOWS THROUGH YOU, OH SHIT. and in a related oh shit, the fact that we are getting a Compress flashback now of all times doesn’t bode super well for him. ffff

MEANWHILE THE TODOROKIS ARE STILL TODOROKI-ING

listen here boy if you touch one freaking hair on Shouto’s candy cane head I swear to god --

WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY!!!

SHOUTO NOOOOOO. WTF YOU’RE LITERALLY THE ONE GUY WHOSE WEAKNESS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FIRE. DABI YOU SHIT, YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF!! I’M PRINTING OUT A COPY OF THAT COMPRESS PANEL!!! KEEP AN EYE OUT ON THAT BEDROOM WINDOW YOU PUNK!!!

SO NOW POOR SHOUTO IS UNCONSCIOUS AND FALLING!! SOMEONE SAVE HIM!! WHO CATCHES THE CATCHER

COMPRESS LITERALLY HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE RIGHT NOW, WHAT IS HAPPENING

PLEASE DON’T CALL TOMURA LEADER OF THE “PLF” YOU KNOW I CAN’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU DO THAT. ARE YOU DYING. ARE YOU JUST A FUCKING HEAD NOW WTF

(ETA: “masks are removable, makeste” you know what it’s been a long day okay lmao. or I suppose Compress is really the one who is lmao.)

GASPPPPPP

okay. okay. looooool okay then

WHY WERE YOU COVERING THIS SEXY MOP OF HAIR UNDER THAT HOOD YOU TOOL. IT WOULD HAVE LOOKED SO GOOD WITH THE TOP HAT. I’M SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW

as if it wasn’t enough for him to demask himself, he also had to get all shirtless and then do this weird attempt at a sexypose too huh

hard to say exactly how much of his torso is currently missing, but safe to say that’s proooooooobably not good. :///// fuck

on the other hand, Kacchan also has a torso hole and he’s still flying around like he just drank a dozen red bulls, so

this man lost his ass and he’s still out here monologuing like it’s the last two minutes of The Prestige. one might say he is monologuing his ass off

so he let Spinner and Tomura free, but is Dabi still trapped in his marble?? wasn’t he all on fire and stuff?? hopefully he can still turn off his quirk in there because if not that’s a pretty fucked up way to die. somewhere out there Snatch’s ghost is all “YEAH I’LL SAY.” oh how the turntables

last but not least, sooooooo. Tomura. back on the ground. that’s. um. ...shiiiiiiiit

[apparentlyaswarmofbees]

The Obey Me Brothers and Undatables vs An Insect/Arachnid Loving MC

I find it amazing how many people find it disturbing that I just love some insects and arachnids (not more than birds but still, insects can be both cute and cool even when they manage to terrify me so I can't help but love them lmao).

It's so cool how insects are actually the most dominant species in the world even before humanity existed and will most likely still be even after humanity ceases to exist, of course some of them actualy spread disease and such but it's not all of them and the mosquitoes that do spread it are females and they are just sucking your blood to feed their babies and the males like flowers over your blood, I actually don't like all spiders but I love tarantulas with all my heart although I can't say the same for wasps, they are evil but they can be so cool I have so many mixed feelings and cockroaches can be so adorable specially the forest/wild ones, have you ever seen them eat fruits??? They are so cute! And don't even get me started on how a d o r a b l e beetles are-

.

Lucifer vs Ladybug

Taking strolls in the Castle's garden when you are accompaning Lucifer in his work are very common.

Just taking a fresh breath of the Devildom's air in between breaks with you by his side powers him up like crazy.

Now that being said, he doesn't really appreciate losing your attention to a little, colorful, bug crawling on one of the flowers in said garden.

"Lucifer, look! It's a ladybug! It's so different from the human world!"

That is true, ladybugs in hell were brighter in color and had a toxin in their bodies that- Oh wait

"Don't touch it!" Lucifer grabbed your hand in realization "haven't you learned anything about bright colors in nature? The toxin in their bodies can melt your skin off!"

He really didn't expect your eyes to get even more shiny.

"Ladybugs in Devildom are both bright and dangerous??!! I'm so jealous!"

With that, he became both exasperated and more in love with you.

Does this have a relation to the fact that you love him and his brothers even thought they are demons?

He is definetelly giving you a brooch in the shape of a ladybug later

.

Mammon vs Cockroach

If you think this man didn't scream like a plate being scratched with a fork when he saw a cockroach in your bedroom, you are wrong.

I mean, okay, he was on the floor and the thing just decided to crawl up to his head out of nowhere.

He jumped over the table so fast it probably has beaten a world record.

"Aw! It's a baby cockroach!"

It's true, it was very small compared to adult ones, but Mammon didn't care.

"STOP FAWNIN' OVER THOSE CREATURES FOR ONCE AND KILL IT ALREADY!!"

And of course instead of killing it you just raise your eyebrown at him while scooping the thing up with a paper.

And of course you needed to bring it really close to him just to watch him squirm before you decide throw it out of your bedroom's window.

He definetelly will ask you to wash your hands before comforting him even if you didn't even touch the cockroach directly.

.

Leviathan vs Dragonfly

You cannot tell me dragonflies in Devildom are actually very few and actually have the size of a small dragon.

It all happened on the day you and Levi got lost in the forest searching for a raven that stole his just purchased phone charm of a game that he was currently addicted to.

Both of you were looking for a way out when you heard an extremelly loud buzzing noise from somewhere in the woods.

Of course both of you followed the sound because first, you just know that must be one big ass insect since it sounded almost like a helicopter and you had to see it, and second, Levi suddenly forgot all about the charm (and being lost) and started rambling about how 'it couldn't be! Is it really-!'

And that is how you guys found his new Henry.

A giant, navy blue, shiny dragonfly, that was currently eating the Raven you and Levi were searching for.

Let's just say Levi got his charm back and both of you got a free ride to the House of Lamentation.

.

Satan vs Spiders

Where there are old books, there are spider webs, and where there are spider webs, there's at least a 50% chance there are spiders in there.

So you can say Satan was quite familiar with the eight legged creatures, although he never really paid them much attention.

That is until he found they were of your interest.

You will never see someone start to give spider names, treat them with courtesy and have small talks with them faster than with this man.

Getting a book from the House of Lamentation's library and there's a web in the way along with a resident spider? "Excuse me, I will have to disturb you a little, I hope you don't mind a bit of damage to your home"

He is reading and suddenly sees a spider dangling down from a web string right besides him? He is definetelly letting it land on his hand just so that he can show it to you.

One day he even choses to read a book in his berdoom that a tiny spider was standing on. The sight of the tiny thing crawling around the pages as he reads it and explains some things out loud is so precious to see.

.

Asmodeus vs Scorpions

Of course, what would suit the Lust Demon better than his own patron?

That is until you teach him that there are more than just one type of scorpion, and there is one type that has really big claws and a thinner tail that are usually pretty big in size.

Why would learning that be a bad thing, you ask? Instead of stinging its food, it actually grabs it like a crab.

So yes, the day Asmo held one and didn't use his charms, it pinched him.

Needless to say, it was chaotic.

Leaving the fact he is never approaching those kinds of scorpions ever again, he coos a lot at you while you coo at the small scorpions.

If you tell him the fact that they are his patron just makes you love him more, he will be so happy he will be squealing for the next 5 minutes.

He has definetelly taken a few dozens, of pictures for you while holding one or more scorpions.

His followers in the devilgram were surprised at how even while holding that thing, Asmo still looked amazing.

Scorpions definetelly became sensation in Devildom after that.

.

Beelzebub vs Flies

Again, nothing better than his own patron.

If he didn't have to swat them off his food that is.

He has definetelly eaten some accidently.

"Look! I managed to make it crawl up to my finger without scaring it!" you say.

"That is cool. But you should probably wash your hand." He replies.

He's right, wash your hands if you ever grab onto flies.

He finds it really cute that you like insects, and it makes him tingly on the inside when he remembers that his symbolic creature is an insect itself.

Don't hold back on asking him to change into his demon form more often, he is very happy to do it.

He starts paying more attention to insects and flies in general after he finds out how much you love them.

How big their are, their color, where he saw them, what were they doing, if they tasted good.

And then he proceeds to tell you all about it.

He is very cute.

.

Belphegor vs Butterflies

It's not that he attracts butterflies, no. But he actually likes them, finds them cool even.

Did you know some butterflies disguise as another type butterfly because that type is actually not very tasty to eat so the animals stay away from them?

And how many of them have patterns on their wings that look a lot like Owls and again, it makes animals stay away from them?

And the whole symbolism of life, death and rebirth around them? And the fact that the larvae eating everything around them reminds him a lot of Beel?

Belphie definetelly likes butterflies and you cannot tell me otherwise.

So when he finds out you love insects? Oh he is definetelly taking you to the best butterfly watching spot either in the Devildom or the Human World.

It's specially cute when he falls asleep and one lands on his face.

He definetelly had a minor heart attack when he woke up to the sight its wings but he will never admit it.

Also definetelly grabs it and puts it on you instead.

It's counterproductive as you end up looking too cute for him to handle.

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Solomon vs Beetles

I mean beetle fights.

You thought you liked insects, just wait until you see this man cheering on a beetle like an excited kid.

Also finds it hilarious when one just yeets the other away.

And because now you are there to feed more into his love for beetles, one day he casts a spell on two of them to make them big enough to ride and just showed up outside your window like:

"No time to explain, get in the beetle"

Because of safety measures, no, you guys didn't have a giant beetle fight.

But you did ride them around the Devildom forest at 2am.

You thought it would be an insane ride with lots of adventures

But you guys just ended up star gazing while laying on them.

He forgot to turn them back to their original size and they scared a few of the residents of Devildom.

.

Simeon vs Mantis

Warning: it's a big goreish

When you introduced the praying mantis specifically to Simeon, he was immediatelly in awe.

And then you proceeded to show him how they can have many shapes and forms, be it as leafs, tree branches, and others.

And he was so intrigued!

But then you gave him the more, specific details.

Like how they can feast on their prey while they are still alive.

And how it actually can attack small birds such as humming birds, eating their brain tissue through their eyes.

And how the females practice a cannibalism ritual, feasting on their partners after mating.

That's when his writer self came to light.

What I mean is, he was now both horrified and extremelly inspired.

Simeon can be scary sometimes.

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Diavolo vs Ants

If you can find ants in every nook and crany around the world, you cannot tell me you can't find them in hell.

If they are able to travel the sea just by being taken along with baggage on accident, they have definetelly come to hell the same way, specially black crazy ants.

So honestly, I wouldn't find it surprising that Diavolo would have at least one big colony of ants he takes care of.

But he didn't have it until you pointed out why ants were awesome to him.

"They don't eat the leafs, they are farmers and what they eat is the other tiny creatures that decompose the leafs" "they can go to extreme lenghts to find their food and they have a real good teamwork, often they don't eat right away but instead bring the food back to the colony to feed the young" "Some ants that live in tropical weather that rains a lot, such as the amazon, can swim! And they do it together in big, ant, nests!"

Needless to say, he was intrigued.

Such tiny creatures are able to eat other insects much bigger than them? And they love sweets?

They actually like their homes clean and throw their trash into the very corner of their enclosure? Their bite can actually hurt a lot even to creatures gigantic copared to their size such as humans??

He had his own personal colony the very next day.

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Barbatos vs Bees

This man definetelly has his own share of appreciation for bees even before you told him you like insects.

They are very good helpers in the garden, their honey can be used on a extremelly big variety of both food and health products along with their wax, and honestly, they're just so fuzzy and cute.

If you want to get a rare laugh or chuckle out of him, make bee movie references.

He will just stop in his tracks and cover his mouth as he tries not to laugh.

You could almost make him spit his drink if you do it while he is drinking something.

And you can't tell me this man can't make bee related puns with a straight face. It's unbeeliveable

Aight, imma head out

.

(This was basically an insect/arachnid appreciation post and I have no regrets)

[huenjin]

dripping.

pairing — lee minho x reader | devil!au

word count — 2.6k words

rating — 18+

genre — smut, includes jealous sex, semi public sex (in a gallery), manhandling, spit play, sir kink, breast play, possession kink, fingering, orgasm denial, blow job, deep throating, degradation, humiliation, spanking, marking.

note — happy lino day! i speed wrote this to post something for his birthday so it's heavily unedited. this is filthy af and i might, just might, make a part two of this to delve more into it, haha, because lmao, i love this so much.

It's a big red stroke over the area that should have been for the eyes.

You drop the paint brush with the ends of the bristles still coated in deep red paint. The white plastic sheets underneath your easel prevents the white floors of the room in the back of the art gallery you own from being stained. You look up at the man before you, your friend of all these years, Bang Christopher Chan, shirtless in all his glory as he poses for you. His hands are shoved into the jeans of his pockets, built abs that are clenched and shine under the spotlight and his sharp side profile in your clear vision, all for you to paint down on a white canvas.

"It just needs to dry up now," you smile at Chan and look at him as you lean to the side of your chair, your fingers gripping on the circular edge to keep your balance. "You did well!"

Chan relaxes and walks a few steps to the side to grab his black shirt, only to pull it over his built physique. You take the smaller brush and dip it in the water in the can by your side, lightly brushing it over the toned abs in the picture to highlight it. The model walks towards you, moving behind you and bends forward. He observes the picture. His hot breath fans over your skin and you can feel the goosebumps rise. Chan speaks into your ear, "Damn! I look hot."

A soft laughter leaves your lips and you turn to look at him. Bang Chan is way too close to you, enough for you to see the golden specks in his eyes.

"It better do. Those are a lot of hours gone into you flexing and me painting."

Chan straightens his spine and takes a step back. You place the brush on the projection on the easel and stand up, removing the apron off of you and placing it on the chair.

"Why do you not sell your paintings yet, Y/N?" Chan asks as you walk with him to the door. You shift your dress fabric slightly, a small smile to yourself and you look at him. He continues, frowning, "I mean, you put your whole soul into it."

His face appears into your head. Chiselled jaws, sharp eyes that are able to radiate sheer softness in moments, veiny hands that cup your face while he kisses you like he is going to take possession of what he owns. You respond finally, "You say I put my soul in it and maybe that's why I can't sell it. Because it's not mine. I can't sell something that is not mine, can I?"

Chan looks at you like you are of one screw short. He laughs nervously and pulls the glass door. You take hold of the handle from him, holding the door out for him. His right arm snakes around your shoulders and hugs you, his warm cologne hitting your nose as you let him hold you, to bid him farewell.

"See you later, crocodile."

"You too, dork."

You stand by the door, watching Chan walk away till you cannot see him anymore. You fondly stare in the distance and pull the door backwards to close it.

"Who would have thought the devil's girl is here flirting and drawing naked men?"

You hear the very familiar voice, cold enough to send a shiver down your spine. Your head quickly turns, back hitting the glass door as you look at the devil himself, clothed in a black shirt — of course, the devil wears Prada. Lee Minho grazes his thumb over the edge of the painted canvas before taking it up. You walk towards him, folding your arms over each other.

"Keep it back, Minho," you frown. You look up at the brooding man hovering over your height. His eyes narrow down at your figure and then stare at the picture. He laughs darkly again, "How dare you flirt with another man when you know you are clearly mine?"

He throws the canvas down and you huff in disbelief. The devil can truly act like a child at times and you swear to both the heavens and hell, that you will never get used to it. You bend down to pick it up but Minho clicks his tongue, almost as if he is sending you a warning — a final one because you already ticked him off seemingly with Bang Chan's presence.

"I wasn't flirting with him," you look away and Minho takes a step towards you, his fingers holding your jaw and pulling your face to look at him. He lifts it up slightly, locking his gaze with yours.

"Were you not now, my darling?"

You remember the abdominal muscles of Chan's — sculpted and formed that you sigh, and his broad shoulders, wide and strong. Everything, however, changes when Minho's eyes darken and your mind is filled with lust. Minho's other arm snakes around your waist, pulling you closer into him. You are pressed against him and you gasp. A lustful expression makes its way to your face and your thoughts are clouded with Minho now. Everything Minho. His arms, his hands, his eyes, his plump lips that edge closer to you.

His thumb digs into your cheeks and the other four fingers grip your face as he opens your mouth with pressure, tongue jutting out slightly. Minho sniggers, "You might as well be begging to get fucked right now." Your eyes glisten, thighs and core clenching. Minho spits into your mouth and you swallow immediately. He laughs. "Ah, you slutty whore."

Your hand brushes against his growing bulge, up and down gently and you beg as he grips your face tightly, "Do me, please, sir." Minho's hand leaves your face. His nose brushes against the skin by your neck as he breathes hot air against it and you feel a pool of wetness gather on to the already damp fabric of your underwear.

"What thoughts do you have of me generally, angel?" He presses a chaste kiss against your jugular. "Were you hoping for something like this to happen tonight?" His head drops in between your breast, teeth clasping onto the thin fabric and pulling it down, exposing your supple breasts to the devil. He buries his face in between them, sucking in sharply. One of his arms pulls you in impossibly close to him whole the other sharply moves under your dress, teases the wetness of the fabric before rubbing his fingers against them. You gasp, inhaling air sharply.

"S-sir," you stutter. You know for a fact that you would have collapsed had it not been for Minho's grip around you. "I didn't—"

Minho's fingers pull the underwear strap away from your flesh, wrapping around them and in a minute, he pulls them down furiously. Strings of your wetness connect your dripping core and the underwear that is pulled down and Minho is laughing. Loudly.

"What lies! You are dripping, angel." Smirking, he raises an eyebrow at you and taunts, "See, I was correct."

He runs his index finger along your slit teasingly. You buckle under the sensation, gripping on the collars of his expensive black shirt, knees slightly buckling. Minho mumbles, "So wet and all for me. This is all mine," and he prods the index and the middle finger into your core, slightly circling the edge before entering completely – knuckles deep – without any warning and you gasp, scream leaving your lips with words calling for mercy from the devil himself.

Minho thrusts his fingers, in and out, as he sucks on your breasts. His tongue laps around your flesh, areolar and then the nipple. He sucks on it, the sound resonating loudly in the gallery and you worry if the security guard would come in to check.

"Minho—"

Thud. You jerk, spine straightening up and pain seeping through every end of your nerves as Minho's palm hits against your pussy. Your eyes water and you pull Minho closer, your head dropping onto his shoulder. His fingers come in a harsh contact with your core once again and you let out a choked sob.

"It's sir to you, slut. It is sir to dirty whores like you, flirting with men when you clearly know who you belong to. You belong to the devil, angel."

He slaps your pussy once again, your spine straightening up and your head thrown back and he orders, "Who do you belong to, angel?"

"The devil's," you cry, a sole tear falling down your eye, staining his shirt. "I belong to you, sir. I belong to you."

"Good girl," and his fingers enter you once again. You moan out his name. The intrusion is sudden and you are overwhelmed. You gasp, the air raspy against your throat before falling. Your hand clutches his shirt tightly, pulling it a bit and you hear the slight ripping sound.

He presses his thumb on your clit, tapping it slowly, simultaneously and you think you are going delusional. Your mind is empty and the devil is contaminating you, slowly like black ink in water, ripples that soon spread around, ruining everything.

"Sir, oh my fucking heavens."

He sucks on your breasts, tongue lapping against your erect nipple. He lets go only to hover a little above and suck purple hickies all over, telling you, "Fuck, you are insane. Insane for this." His teeth graze against your nipple and you shudder in his hold. His fingers, three in already at your sopping wetness, thrusting in at an impeccable pace. "Look at this sex. Wet and dripping. What a mess you are making and look at this filthy hole, sucking my fingers in and devouring them. You really are a slut."

You cry out at the feeling of being overwhelmingly full, your head falling down and your teeth biting into Minho's shoulder. Your walls are stretching out and you catch him mumbling, "So fucking tight and all for me. Look at this slut being a needy girl for me."

He curls them up into you and your back arches slightly at the tingles. You feel Minho slipping his fingers easily into you and the slick of your arousal dripping down your thighs, making a mess. He rubs your walls, his attention also on your enlarged button and your hips gyrate with him, thrusting and chasing after his fingers desperately. He finds your spot easily and pushes at it constantly. You feel the knot building up and you are moaning, voice barely leaving your lips.

The devil is evil and that is what Lee Minho is.

He removes his fingers the minute he realises you will snap any minute. The emptiness you feel breaks your heart and makes you weak. Your voice, croaky and husky, barely lets out, "Why?" Tears fall down your face at the orgasm denial and your knees fail to keep you up as they hit the ground. Minho lets you fall down on your knees, your vision now his huge bulge.

"Sluts don't get it easy. Ever."

Minho unbuckles his belt, unbuttons and unzips his pants, lowering the pants to his mid-thigh and he takes out his cock. His hot angry girth with heavily leaking precum is right in front of you. His fingers coated in your wetness enters his mouth and he wraps his tongue around it, loudly sucking. His eyes do not leave yours and you understand what he is asking you to do.

He expects the same. You open your mouth wide, tongue slightly stretched out like a girl thirsty and Minho shoves his cock into your mouth. You gag at the sudden entrance, arms lifting up automatically and hands wrapping around his length as you begin sucking on it.

Before you know it, his hand is flat against the back of your head, shoving your head forward. His big cock pushes past your buccal cavity, going deep down your throat and you gag against his length loudly. Minho moans before holding you there, your nose brushing his pubis and you are breathing through your nose, eyes watering.

There is nothing gentle in the devil's movements. He pulls himself back only to thrust his hip forward, cock going down your throat again. He abuses your mouth to his pleasure as he moves against you, procuring pleasure from you hollowing your mouth and your tongue flat against the underside of his cock, slightly wrapping around the length and teasing it now and then.

Your fingers try to move down without his notice. Your index finger finds your clit silently and you rub against it fast, trying to drive yourself to the orgasm you were just denied. With a blink of the eye, Minho pulls himself back, pushing you away from him and you whine. You are on your knees and you look up at Minho, arm stretching forward to grab his length, mumbling like a bitch in heat, "Want it, want it, want it."

He hums, gloating and pride washing his whole face, "What? You want more of it?" He slowly takes many steps backward before falling onto the stool before the easel. He spreads his legs, dick up and erect and he points at the ground before him. "Alright. Come here."

You are quickly on your four. Your right hand moves forward, followed by your right knee flat on the ground and then your left limbs. You crawl towards Minho, lips dark pink, swollen and open in desperation. You want to suck him off more, feel him down your throat, constriction your airways. You want to feel him so close. You want to taste him more.

You wrap your lips around his cock once you reach, pushing your hair away. Kissing the angry purplish red tip, you suck at the head. Minho throws his head back in ecstasy. You feel him twitching in your mouth, every single time you take him deep down your throat, gags hitting off the flesh and dying in your mouth. He pulls out barely before he is pushing back in, teeth gritted and eyes focused.

The sounds of your gagging bounces off the white walls of your bedroom, followed by the deep moans and sighs emitting out from Minho's lips as he fucks your mouth mercilessly. Each thrust of his hips causes the head of his cock to push past your airway, your throat constricting and eliciting a groan from him.

The flat of your hot tongue presses against his length. He finally lets you take control by a bare minimum. You lick his length, moving your head up and down as your wrists twist slightly, the right amount of pressure applied. Minho mumbles, "You finally decide to act like a good girl, didn't you, you slut? Did you think you might get rewarded then?" He holds a fist full of your hair and pulls you back to have you look him in the eye.

"You are mine," he emphasizes. His eyes darken and your heart beat races for the personification of evil. "Your soul, your body, your heart," he tightens his grip and your eyes widen, "They are all mine." He bends forward to kiss you, his tongue lapping against yours, taking in the salty taste of himself. He kisses you like he wants you to lose your sanity or bring him some.

And when he lets go, he holds his cock and he finds you salivating, eyes fixed on it, lips wide apart.

"Now, make the devil the happiest tonight."

[rivaille-13]

I think a month ago I posted a poll if I should write something about what happened after Chapter 139... So I did it just as what the respondents suggested. It’s my first time to write in a first person view (I apologize if it didn’t turn out nice), and I’m honestly careful while writing out Levi’s thoughts.

However, this is only a part from the whole story I am writing, and... I don’t know how much long will it stay sleeping in my drafts. I hope to finish it one day, lmao, but please enjoy reading!

Untitled

...Times where doubts can be much stronger than faith, and given that situation I am, this shit-driven lonesome night, I could tell that everything apart me is going to fall apart.

"Levi,"

She's calling me again with that breathless call.

That again, that breathless, faultless, longing call that could even take my spirit away... Like the time when she called my name when I'm on the verge of death. She's lonely. She's hopeless. She's desperate.

But what does that differ to me?

"Can you stay here for the night?"

I heard her ask.

But I never looked at her even if,

I'm lonely. I'm hopeless. But I'm not desperate... and I don't want to be.

The clouds have already covered the moon when I noticed her gaze had turned on me. It is hard to ignore her but there is no way that I'm going to succumb. She is a threat, no, she is more than a threat.

Because I don't want to find myself wanting her, or even missing her like hell again when she decided to get rid of me like the old cripple I am.

So many thoughts. Now I should go. It is only a quarter before midnight, and I know that I should really go. I shuddered as soon as I put my hands onto the wheels of my stupid wheelchair, yet before I could even touch the handle of her greasy doorknob, a pair of cold hands touch the edge of my shoulder.

No, I don't want to look at you.

But I can't.

Her smoky-gray eyes.

Blanketed with heavy misty tears that speak the same question she asked me but now it sounded so desperate that it is even funny and amusing to think that it sounded desperate the way I asked her to stay with me.

To stay with me.

Fuck this nonsense. Didn't she go? Didn't she leave? Didn't she disappear without even telling goodbye and now she's asking me to stay with her?

Are you that fucking stupid to ask that of me?

But with chapped lips and tainted cheeks, her hollow eyes have haunted me even before this uncertain night did happen. The touch of her fingers has tightened, then she stares at me— with eyes so beguilingly prideful, eyes that scream an obvious solitariness, and eyes that only wanted forgiveness. I'm lost for words as my eyes have narrowed, my throat feels sandy as shit. I could never be angry at her. I could never be furious at a woman whom I only wanted to protect because no matter how stupid she is,

Is the same stupidity I could obtain.

"I want to stay with you for the night, believe me. But not now."

"Why not now? Levi, I'm lonely."

And so am I.

But no, I could only be dishonest with what I feel. It was a cold sullen night, the air was heavy and as the wind has roughly touched the surface of our skins, only made me feel uncertain of my decisions. That I need to think even if I am itching for questions like "Why did you go?" or "Why did you leave when I asked you to stay?" or just anything that could make me feel like a needed person again.

But no. I definitely should think again. That I need to think without having my emotions interfere with my decision just like any other time.

Just because even if it is stupid to admit, just because it sounded so strange and docile to hear, it hurts me to know how she ran away from us—me, that day. That day three years ago.

I gave a deep breath as I prepare the words that would hurt both me and her like hell... and finally, I look at her straight in the eyes.

"There are things we cannot commit when we are lonely."

End of unknown part

DEFINITELY FOR @carmenlee MY QUEEN AND MY BOTTLE OF STAR-TASTED CHAMPAGNE. 😭 I love you and thank you so much! 🥰🥺🥳

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[matthewfairchildfanclub]

TSC except it's incorrect quotes and it's part 2 and it's really fucking long sorry.

Cordelia: I like your top.

James, wearing a very bright shirt: Thank-

Matthew: Thanks dude, I like you to.

_

Anna: Gender is a game and I have the cheat codes.

_

Clary, at Starbucks: Can I get a venti caramel macchiato with, uh... seven shots of espresso.

Simon, behind her: Jesus Christ, Clary, just do cocaine.

_

James: If you were to die, what would be your last words?

Matthew: Finally.

James: No-

_

Izzy, on the phone with Magnus: Is it okay if I bring my weird roommate?

Simon: Would you please stop calling me that.

_

Clary: You sure you're sober enough to drive?

Jace: Yeah, I didn't drink anything.

Clary: Okay, go get the car.

Alec: [running after Jace]

Clary: It's okay, he's sober!

Alec: HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!

_

Will: Jem, you have beautiful eyes.

Jem: You too.

Tessa: ...

Tessa: Did I miss something?

Will: I'm straight, I just like his eyes.

Tessa: You're gay for his eyes.

Will: Exactly!

Will: Wait, no

_

Lucie, walking out in a new outfit: How do I look?

Matthew: Holy shit, that's the ugliest thing I've ever seen.

Lucie: Excuse you?!

Matthew: No, not you, the thing sitting beside you.

Alastair: Fuck you.

_

Magnus: You sure know a lot about the law.

Julian: I do a lot of borderline illegal shit.

_

Cordelia: Lucie! Don't let go!

Lucie, dangling from the side of the cliff: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LET GO?!

_

Kit: I think I forgot to sleep because I was looking at memes.

Dru: If you ever wonder why you have no friends, just remember that sentence.

_

Christopher: Oh, tiddlywinks.

Matthew: JUST SAY FUCK

_

Will: Swear words are banned in this house, if you say one you'll be grounded.

Matthew: Heck.

Will: You're on thin fucking ice, kid.

_

Jace: You may not know this, Alec, but I'm a flawed person.

Alec: I do know that.

_

Dru: [reading the exorcist]

Dru: [laughs]

_

Matthew: I know you can be "underwhelmed" and you can be "overwhelmed" but...

Matthew: Can you ever just be whelmed?

James: ...

Christopher: I think you can in Bulgaria!

_

James: I think I'm in love with Cordelia.

Grace: Congratulations! You're officially the last one to know.

_

Tessa: James, what are you doing here? Weren't you making spaghetti tacos with Mattew, Christopher, and Thomas?

James: Well, I was.

Tessa: ... was?

James: Well, I- it was just getting hot downstairs because of the fire.

Tessa: THE WHAT?!

(Downstairs the kitchen is completely on fire)

Christoper, looking around while Matthew and Thomas try to put the fire out with olive oil: Oh, this isn't good.

_

Jace: Please shut up.

Simon: Well, since you asked nicely, no.

_

Will: No pain, no gain!

Matthew: But I'm in constant pain and I've lost everything-

_

Matthew: If you'll excuse me, I must attend to my evening affairs.

James: You mean drinking wine and eating gummy bears until you pass out on a chaise?

Cordelia: Or reading Layla and Majnun and crying in the bath because they didn't deserve it?

Lucie: Or shouting your own poetry from your balcony?

Matthew: All three, in that order.

_

Will: What have I told you about comparing Tatiana to the devil?

Lucie: ... that it's offensive to the devil?

_

Jamie: These people are my friends!

Jamie: I've known them for twelve hours!

_

Clary: What are we gonna do?

Simon: Don't worry, you're so small they probably won't see you.

Clary: Simon, is this really the time to be making short jokes?

Simon: Clary, it's never not the time, because just like you, life is short.

_

Matthew, drunk: Always strive to eat the stars.

Lucie, half asleep: Aren't they too hot?

Matthew: Blow on them first, idiot.

_

Cashier: Would you like your check?

Ty: If someone is being murdered right now it would be my alibi, but if someone gets murdered in the store they could pin it on me.

Cashier: Sir?

Ty: I want to speak to a lawyer.

_

Magnus: If you had to choose between Jace and all the money I have in my pocket, which would you choose.

Alec: Depends. How much money are we talking about?

Jace: Alec????

Magnus: Eleven cents.

Alec: Sold.

Jace: ALEC?!!??!?!

_

Alastair: Cursing is for those who have a limited vocabulary.

Matthew: You are an audacious, ideologically unsound, captious, presumptuous, motherfucker.

_

Clary: Hey, uh, maybe we need Simon's help with this one?

Jace: I would literally rather die.

_

Cristina: Name a way to be nice to people.

Kieran: Don't stab them.

Cristina: ...

Cristina: Setting the bar a little low but I'll allow it.

_

Tessa: Where have you been?

Will: Emotional hell.

_

Kit: I made you all of you into Sims, look.

Jace: Where are you?

Kit: I'm in the grave in the backyard.

Jace:

Clary:

Jace: Put me there to.

Clary: Oh my god-

_

Emma: I have the sharpest memory, name one time I forgot something.

Zara: You forgot me in a Walmart parking lot, like, three weeks ago.

Emma: I did that on purpose, try again.

_

Matthew: Will, did you know "thot" means "thoughtful person."

Will: Really? I did not know this modern slang.

(later)

Will: Thank you for helping me with the stables, Tessa, you're such a thot.

Tessa, wheezing: I'm a WHAT?

_

Julian: [choking]

Kit: I'm trying to call 911 but the 9 button isn't working!

Dru: Just flip your phone upside down and use the 6.

Julian, stopping his choking for a second: What the fu-

_

Emma, getting in the front seat: Alright, is everyone ready to go?

The Blackthorns: Yep!

Emma: Okay, let's go.

(looks into the mirror to see Zara running after the van)

Emma: [whispers to herself] Goodbye you little shit.

_

Cordelia: What the hell is going on??

Matthew: Oh, great, you heard my cry for help.

Cordelia: You mean your girly scream?

Matthew: I MEAN MY CRY FOR HELP

_

James: The risk I took was calculated.

James: But holy shit am I bad at math.

_

Izzy and Magnus: [getting arrested at a protest]

Cop: Fake ID's, fake credit card. Got anything on you that's real?

Izzy: My tits.

Magnus: My ass.

_

[in a group chat]

Dru: Adding "lmao" does not hide your pain.

Kit: Yeah it does lmao.

_

Matthew: Excuse me, who made James the boss of the group.

Christopher: You did.

Thomas: You said, "James should be the boss".

Lucie: And then you said, "lets vote," and it was unanimous.

Cordelia: And then you made him a plaque that says, "Boss Of Us".

Anna: And put little sparkles all over it.

Matthew: ... All valid points.

_

Matthew: And once again, James and Matthew save the day.

Lucie: You didn't do anything.

Thomas: It was all James.

Matthew: We're a package deal. Everyone knows that.

_

Jem: I am not "too nice"!

Will: Jem, you apologized-

Jem: I have manners!

Will: -to the waiter who spilled soup on your lap.

_

Kit: You wanna see how hardcore I am?

Kit: [punches a wall]

Kit: Take me to the hospital.

_

Julian: People ask me how I handle the rest of my family so easily.

Julian: The truth is, I don't.

Julian: I have no control over them.

Julian: I walked into the house today and Mark shot me in the neck with a nerf gun.

_

(At a New Years Eve party)

Alec, to the TMI gang: I would like to make a toast!

Alec, raising his glass: I cannot believe we have gone through another twelve months of absolute fuckery.

Alec: Cheers!

[hobin-gnoblin]

Welcome to R.A.D!

The First Encounter

Starring: My Mc, PJ.

This will be 18+, this is solely based on IRL things that would definetly happen if I was actually summoned at R.A.D.

Read at your own risk⚠️

I am very "quirky"

-------

Nothing but super sexy and cool classic rock music blared from the speakers in my bedroom as I danced around in nothing but underwear and a tank top. I was feeling myself, my groove, and my sexy dance skills. Yo, I'm PJ. I'm loud, crazy, and I got a good head on my shoulders. As a 18 year old, life can be pretty crazy, but from my experience from the depths of Hell, I can assure you, my life is stranger than fiction....

This is the story of my expiring at R.A.D, my big life changer, my joker arc. Etc.

-----

My back felt cold, my ass was freezing. I was suprised as my body slowly became awoke that it felt as if I was no longer in my bed. I know that because my ass would be drenched in sweat imported from the Nile River.

I slowly opened my eyes, wiped my eye boogies, and took in my surroundings. I was in a huge ass conference room, and it was fancy as hell, I thought to myself, holy shit, are those tables mahogany?

"No, in fact they're not, they're a special type of tree native to Devildom." A loud voice echoed through the room. I shot up from the floor in a panic, "Who said that?" I screamed as I prepared my body for battle. My feet planted to the ground in a wide stance, my knees bent, and my back hunched over like Dobby with my claws ready to pounce. "Um, what are you doing human?" A voice said. "I'm in my fighting stance! Reveal yourselves otherwise I'm gonna Ju Jitsu your ass back to where you came from!" I screamed. There was silence, then footsteps approaching me. And yes, I pissed my panties a little bit, you would too. My face immediately went red as I saw a whole cluster fuck of handsome men. "Oh." Was all I could muster. Here I was, my dumb ass wearing nothing but my tank top and underwear, which I hope they didn't smell anything due to the stench of my chronic night sweats. My face still adjusting to the light, and my hair still a mess because of the sleep paralysis demon that keeps fucking with it. (Fuck you Kyle, if your reading this you need to stop messing with my dreams!).

To sum it up, I looked like Lindsey Lohan's mugshot in front of these uber handsome men. And oh my god my face was as red as a tomato. Or a beet, you choose.

"Hello PJ, My name is Diavolo, Lord of Devildom, We welcome you with open arms to our newest exchange program!" The sexy beast of a man bellowed. I couldn't help but stare at his fat tits while he laughed, they were so perfect, they definitely made mine look like, idk boobs? (Self love, dont hate yourself.) (Says the bitch who compared herself to Lindsey Lohans mugshot lmao.)#Pissingmyself).

"PJ, its a pleasure to meet you," An absolute stud muffin of a man with ravenette hair and a bitch ass face said. I could tell he was pulling my dick due to the uninterested look on his face. My dude was not amused with my current physical form. I thought to myself, he obviously cannot handle all of this.. I smirked to myself in thought, my personality is just too much for him to face already, hehe. My thoughts were soon interuppted by a cough. "Let me introduce you to my younger brothers, Lucifer wove his arm to gesture to the motley crew of hunky meat muffins. My jaw dropped as I witnessed the men scrambling in front of me. Holy shit, were they ever hunky monkeys. Lucifer quickly pulled out a small whistle and blew sharply. The rest followed suit assembling into a straight line. Suddenly music came out of fucking now where and the boys began to march rhythmically in unison. Each brother taking one step forward front, and back as they each said their name.

"Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, and REDACTED." The boys said as they swiftly went back into their normal positions in the conference room. I'm pretty sure something like that I've witnessed before back at home.

-----

^ The whistle scene from Sound of Music in case you didn't get the reference.

------

I smiled awkwardly at the men. Lucifer and Diavolo both exchanged a few words and nodded to eachother "Mammon shall be your guide for the rest of the exchange program. " Fuck what?" Mammon yelped as Lucifer pinched his neck. "Hurry now Mammon, chop, chop." Lucifer clapped. Mammom immediately rushed to me like a panicked schoolboy. "Sup weirdo, I'm gonna be a absolute dick to you." He said. I nodded and mutually agreed. I was plotting on totally fucking with this dude. "Sounds cool." I replied. "Fuck you." He said. "Fuck you too." I responded. I already knew this was going to be the start of a great friendship.

This was gonna be the craziest year of my life.

----end---

Should I make another part? Let me know! ;)

[fandomsnfluff]

.....vld headcanons because why not

i just can’t help myself no judgies (i wrote minis on my other blog but ofc i wanted to expand on them over here lmaooooo)

shiro

he’s kind of AVERAGELY ticklish??? if you know what i mean by that??? like he’ll probably just try to squirm away if you poke at his sides and maaaaybe giggle a bit if you’re persistent?? like it’s not too bad for him??

however. HOWEVER. there are two (2) spots that he just. can’t handle having touched. and those are his underarms (underarm?) and feet. like seriously you are putting YOURSELF at risk if you go for these spots tbh. like again he can normally tough it out but he loses all touch with reality if you get either of these places

he makes this really hilariously high-pitched shriek, like he barely even laughs skjdhfsdfk. but when he does he sounds like he’s choking

he and adam had a TON of tickle fights back when they lived together at the garrison. like literally ANYTHING will turn into tickle battles because of shiro’s sneaky ass

like i said before he’d grab his boyfriend in a hug and just hold him and tickle him out of nowhere. adam is much more insanely ticklish than shiro so he’s likely to lose maaaaybe 9/10

lance

HE IS THE MOST TEASY AND TOUCHY PERSON YOU WILL EVER MEET IN YOUR LIFE I SHIT YOU NOT. he is much more of a ler but when he’s a lee?? he’s kind of dead tbh

like this kid loses ALL control when he gets tickled. seriously he just spazzes out all over the place and lets out this inhuman shriek. it doesn’t even matter where you tickle him he just can’t help it

he’s like a giant walking tickle spot tbh??? but his neck, sides, and feet are pretty sensitive tbh. again i don’t think his reactions are all that different if you target other places he’ll still sound like a dying cow KJSDHFKJSHDF

HE LITERALLY TICKLES KEITH ALL THE FUCKING TIME SKJDHFDSJKF. HE GIVES ZERO FUCKS ABOUT IF HE GETS PUNCHED IN THE FACE HE JUST WANTS TO SEE GRUMPY BOY LAUGHING 😭 

listen he and his siblings have tickle fights all the time and as the youngest HE IS CONSTANTLY THE TARGET PLS HELP HIM. but he doesn’t really express that he minds all that much??? he’s always just like “that was fucking torture” or something but waits to get the perpetrator back??? he is a very interesting individual

keith

okay i’ve been standing by this since day one but imo keefy is THE most ticklish paladin. by fucking far lmao

he??? genuinely has NO idea why???? he’s so fucking sensitive and he thinks it’s the weirdest thing ever??? but he’ll deny it to his grave even though absolutely NOBODY is taking his shit

he’s grumpy as hell if ANYBODY tries it. he might just punch them in the face. but if they actually DO manage to get him then he’s just. he’s done. he CANNOT handle it for SHIT.

like literally the INSTANT someone latches onto his sides he just lets out this inhuman SHRIEK and attempts to muffle it with whatever he can but TO NO AVAIL

he cannot hold his laughter back for shit. he just breaks into this really uncontrolled HOWLING laughter like he’s being tortured, it’s alarming but cute

everybody was completely shocked but actually kind of ecstatic as well from this??? the instant the bridge found out about his weakness they kind of all became monsters lmao

he’s ticklish as hell ABSOLUTELY everywhere, sides, underarms, neck, feet, you name it. but his feet are his absolute weakest point, he’ll just scream if you go for them. but he wears shoes everywhere, all the time, even when he’s sleeping, so it’s actually pretty difficult to get to them kjsdhfsd

hunk

HE IS. SO SOFT. listen hunk absolutely loves using tickling as a bonding tactic especially with keith. HE LEGITIMATELY HAS NO FEAR.

but like. also listen to this. he’s also kinda?? extremely weak?? probably weaker to lighter touches but don’t get me wrong heavy tickles make him laugh too

his sides and ribs would probably be really ticklish, he makes a lot of funny snorting noises when you get him here and he probably wheezes and coughs a lot too

he probably says “i can’t breathe!” like right away even though he can, he just doesn’t want to be tickled

he’s probably the most MERCILESS lers of the whole team tbh. he’s not a very fast runner if the person he’s targeting tries to run away but if he does manage to latch on to them?? THEY’D BETTER PREPARE THEMSELVES FOR THE TICKLING OF THE CENTURY. THIS MAN IS ABSOLUTELY MERCILESS LIKE HE’S MADE THE OTHER PALADINS SCREAM AT LEAST ONCE

pidge

i feel like?? her reactions definitely depend on her mood at a given time and day?? like if you’re sitting next to her and you poke her it just won’t work but surprising her will when she’s hyperfocused or in a good mood will

she’s not really a big fan of being tickled tbh. i mean if you get her in the right mood she’ll probably scream and attempt to punch or kick you (cuz she’s a kicker, watch out) and start shouting curses through her laughter

i mean that’s basically her reaction to tickling tbh, she kind of gets completely out of control from all of it and will lose all sense of reality tbh.

i think her torso just as a whole would be really sensitive?? like all the way from the underarms to the hips and also her stomach??

she roughhouses a lot with matt who knows exactly how to tickle his sister, and she’s probably hypersensitive to his touch so she just crumbles instantly when he gets her. but she definitely gets him back, and i do think matt is actually more ticklish than pidge in a very general sense

but yeah speaking of her getting matt back, she’s fucking RUTHLESS. you do not want to be at her hands. despite her small size she WILL manage to hold you down and she WILL find your weakest spot. you probably won’t win this one sorry

[companionship]

okay one big post to get the finale out of my system! it's been lovely reading all of your analyses and reactions, and looking at all your amazing gifs and edits :')

fair warning: this is going to be so stinking long omfg

the things i enjoyed:

vincenzo remaining an anti-hero through and through, especially the fact that he didn't hold back at all when it came to myunghee and hanseok's death. he gave them a taste of their own medicine and then some forreal, their deaths were brutal but oddly satisfying, and i'm saying this as someone who usually hates violence/gore. throughout the show, they've always hinted at what he was Truly Capable Of and boy did we get to see it

vincenzo fumbling in hanseok's house and not being his usual self – a lot of people thought it was ooc, which i understand! i felt like that was the Point, to show that for once, he's not the invincible mafia consigliere that everyone thinks he is. what he did to the man who killed his mother and the army of security guards was a reaction, but this is the first time he's flustered, caught at a disadvantage, and faced with the very real possibility that he might lose somebody incredibly important to him. idk it made him more human to me

vincenzo literally not hesitating for even 0.1 seconds to fold his entire body around hers when he thought hanseok was going to shoot again – yeah that whole bit made my heart clench i feel like a crazy person i won't get over it

the chayenzo hospital scene... my god it was so tender my heart broke. the laugh they both shared, out of sheer relief that she's okay. the little joke about paying for the private room. the way not much was being said, but everything was being said at once. the way they looked at each other, as if it wouldnt ever be enough :( the quiet acceptance that this is their last night together, and that he's going to have to kill a bunch of people after this, but for now they have this. for however brief.

chayoung being chayoung – her big ass personality at the courtroom at the end after winning ms oh's case. her hopping around in those heels, looking elegant and sleek, mocking the hell out of rich conglomorates. she's in her element again and it made me so, so happy to see. i absolutely adore her, she's everything really. after all that loss and the whole ordeal, i'm glad she's able to return to what she does best: putting capitalists back in their place

mr lee being Very Much Not Dead – idk how i wouldve been able to handle it after witnessing hanseo's death like im glad he got the chance to be a dad

the kiss – my god....

the things i didn't like:

hanseo's death – lmao is it even a surprise... say what you will about his death being foreshadowed, but i really just hated hated it. i hate that hanseok won this one. i hate that hanseo worked so hard to redeem himself, only to lose it all. i hate that he was given a taste of what a real family was like, and then having it taken away so cruelly. even though i said above that i didn't mind that vincenzo was ooc at the mansion, i was still screaming at the screen because there were plenty of opportunities for the situation to be reversed. i don't necessarily blame vincenzo for hanseo's death, but i do wish that they had a funeral scene for him. i wish they acknowledged his sacrifice, and how pivotal he was in turning the tables. if not for hanseo, vincenzo really couldn't have pulled any of this off, from the interpol tipoff to the tracking device in the watch. idc idc hanseo is in malta rn, enjoying the sun and the beach, going to therapy, and teaching the local kids how to play hockey even though there's no ice :(

chayoung being bedridden the whole finale – like... NAH lmao this aint it chief... if things went my way, she wouldve gotten out of the hospital depite her injury and dealt with myunghee before handing her off to vincenzo. i loved their animosity for each other, and i wanted chayoung to be the one at myunghee's apartment waiting for her, rubbing it into her face. i wanted chayoung to verbally finish myunghee with that sharp ass tongue of hers and really dump a load of salt on her wounds. then vincenzo could do whatever the hell he wanted. you could argue that the show is called Vincenzo but i really dont care lmao it started with chayoung avenging her dad and she should've been able to strike the final blow. also what was her big second party? are we really just going to ignore her capacity for evil? after all that moral work done, after that time she spent coming to terms with using evil to combat evil, we're just going to... keep her bedridden? park jaebum u will pay for this

vincenzo losing his family – besides hanseo's death, i think this was what i hated the most from the ending. the start of the show showed us vincenzo's departure from the mafia with the very clear intention of Not Returning. the capo died, his loyalties lie with no one, paolo can suck it. throughout the show, we see him repeat over and over that he wants to get the gold and skip off to malta to enjoy a peaceful life there, while reflecting/repenting for the things he's done. vincenzo was gearing up for a lifetime of solitude. the whole point of the show was for him to find a real family and have a real chance at happiness. park jaebum really said FUCK THAT! we're gonna have him ditch the family that he built from scratch with the love of his life and then make him return to the family that tried to kill him AND make him the capo... pjb said we're gonna separate vincenzo from the family that accepts his past and sees it as a strength and not a weakness. the family that was formed out of solidarity, the family that he fought for and fought alongside with blood, sweat and tears. not to mention the goddaughter of his? sorry i would laugh if it didn't actually rile me up so bad

vincenzo not being able to come back to korea – i've said this in another post of mine, but given that he is The Vincenzo Cassano with all those resources at his disposal (guillotine file, mr ahn/mr cho/the chief etc.), the fact that he isnt even able to stay in korea for 30 fuckin minutes after finishing hanseok was ridiculous. the whole police chase was dumb as hell considering that the show has managed to stop politicians and mf presidential candidates from going after him like ? huh LMAO park jaebum had an on-demand pigeon army in this show and Yet he can't stop like 10 suddenly-righteous policemen. another big ass HUH

chayenzo (here we go...):

NOPE! i've reflected on the ending and decided that i'm going to be petty and salty for a while more before coming to terms with it

i can rationalise and try to be positive and tell myself that their love is enduring can transcend space and time and that in due time, they will find their way back to each other, and i have no doubt that they will because they're one soul in two bodies. it's quite literally canon that they're soulmates.

but let me wallow for a second

here we have two people who have done questionable and terrible things in their past coming together, growing together, grieving together, fighting together... you get the gist of it. you have two people who have found a home in each other. two people who, for all intents and purposes, were about to live in a whole lot of bitterness and solitude if not for each other and the life they built together (chayoung didn't have friends like that, and her family is gone too). to separate them like that at the very end is cruel. i know chayoung and vincenzo are mature and incredible and will be able to function without the other next to them. i know that they will still excel as lawyers and will defeat evil with their underhand methods the way they do so well but my god are they going to feel the absence and miss each other

my point is that they shouldn't have to. from what i could tell, they can't even communicate on a regular basis bc he'll be tracked and whatnot, hence the postcards. a postcard every month is a poor substitute for all those nights they stayed up drinking makgeolli and celebrating their wins. its a shitty replacement for coffee dates and fist bumps and all the moments in between. after everything they've been through, after literally fighting to death for their family, they don't deserve this. they don't deserve to meet up once a year for a couple of hours. they don't deserve pockets of time in malta or korea, their life in a perpetual countdown to when they're going to see each other next

they both deserve love and some semblance of peace (finally finally). they both deserve to have someone to come home to after a hard day of work, because doing what they do cannot be easy. they both deserve a family, deserve to have someone next to them that accepts their past and would embrace their future. they both deserve a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on. i know they will still be It for each other despite the distance, i just wish the distance didn't even exist in the first place bc its stupid and cruel and their love shouldnt have to be proven or tested with time and space. let them stay together. let them grow together. let them be.

side note: song joongki and jeon yeobeen need another project together idc take it up with god

tl;dr: park jaebum u will be paying for my therapy bills

[alotsgonnachange]

Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

[i-lionheart]

IT'S NOT A WIP ANYMORE BITCHES!!!!!

Ok so i wrote a fic that's basically this post by the-modern-typewriter but i took the concept and some main elements and rewrote it as a kylo ren self insert because of course i did i wanted a comfort fic and i refuse to apologize its not plagiarism i cited my sources k thx

anyways this is a Kylo ren x fem!reader (but the only time reader's gender is referenced as when they're referred to as "good girl" so make of that what you will). Angst, torture mention, self harm tw, suicide tw, depression tw, safe for work but implicit nudity. Also there's none of that "y/n" or (name) shit because I just personally hate it. I made this for me not you but it totally fukin slaps so read on at your own risk lmao

Tell Me Why

“You’ve been astonishingly resilient,” Ren said softly. “What a shame it has to come to this.”

His gaze roamed over you lazily, possessively, drinking in the sight of you. You were bound, gagged, and strapped down to an interrogation table. In his personal quarters, of all places.

You would trade every star in the galaxy to be anywhere but here.

Ren picked up a syringe full of clear, thick liquid off the tray of wicked-looking instruments that lay beside you and held it in front of your eyes. “I’m expect you’re quite familiar with this," he said, voice deceptively casual. "The resistance undoubtedly trained you to resist truth serum as insurance against the unthinkable. Obviously,” he said, indicating your current predicament, “They are fools.”

So it would be truth serum. You could handle this easily enough. All you had to do was tell him the truth, but not the one he was looking for. Simple.

Some miniscule change in your expression must have given your hubris away. Ren chuckled. “You poor thing.” he said. “Do you really think that we haven’t made… improvements on this since my grandfather held your precious General captive so long ago?”

You swallowed thickly, blood pounding through your temples as your breath caught in your throat. What could he possibly be talking about? Truth serum had been perfected in the days of Old Republic and hadn’t changed for centuries.

What advantage could he possibly hope to have?

Ren lowered his face until his eyes were level with yours. Though every fiber of your being screamed at you to look away, you met his gaze, trembling.

“You know as well as I do that the Old Republic, the Jedi, were weak. Fools,” he spat. “They were afraid to do what was truly necessary to meet their goals. The First Order has no such weaknesses.”

He lowered his mouth and whispered rapidly in your ear, his breath ghosting along your skin. “Unfortunately for you, I am not a Jedi, and this will hurt quite a bit. I only wish that I could remove that gag and hear every shriek that comes out of that pretty little mouth without risking you biting off your own tongue.” He clucked his tongue softly as he stood up. “What a shame.”

He replaced the syringe on the tray and selected a small pair of medical scissors, then began to methodically cut through the fabric of your sleeve. "I would apologize for the outfit," he said sardonically, "but I rather suspect that you have much bigger things to be worrying about at the moment."

Once your sleeve was split all the way to your elbow, Ren set the scissors down and set his leather-clad fingers to the task of spreading the halved fabric of your sleeve to fully reveal your bare skin. He was agonizingly gentle, as though trying to spread the petals of a struggling flower and help it bloom.

His work complete, his eyes and his fingers roved over your exposed arm, relishing your vulnerability. If you weren't paralyzed with fear, you would have squirmed, thrashed, done anything to flee his scrutiny.

Force, please, you thought desperately, don't let him see them. Please, anything but that. I'll give anything. Let him do what he wishes to me as long as they go unnoticed. Please.

As though sensing your frantic pleas, Ren's eyes locked onto your wrist, onto the unnaturally straight cuts and scars criss crossing your skin.

"What is this?" he said softly.

Shit.

It was the last straw. The spell of fear holding you in place broke. You twisted your arm as far as you could in the restraints, trying to hide what it was far too late to conceal. Instantly his hand shot out and pinned your wrist to the table as you writhed in his grasp.

"You know as well as I do that you cannot take back what has been revealed. The mynock is out of the bag, little one. Are you going to lie still, and let me finish what your own foolish actions have started? Or am I going to have to make you?"

Realizing it was of no use, that you were absolutely, utterly powerless, you stopped thrashing. Tears glistened on your cheeks. Your breath hitched as choked sobs pushed their way past your gag. You fought for every inhale and exhale, lungs crushed under the weight of your own rising panic.

But bewilderingly, inexorably, you were still.

"Good girl," he breathed.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he lifted his hand from your wrist. When you remained motionless, even without his grip holding you to the table, his hands moved to your elbow and, abandoning those damn scissors, he began to finish what he had started.

He tore first one sleeve, then the other, and made short work of everything else until you were laid bare before him. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

Kylo Ren's eyes roved over you, taking in every mark, every scar, every bruise on your bare skin. You wanted to fight it so badly, wanted twist yourself away from his agonizing scrutiny, but all you could do was shut your eyes and pray for it to be over. His burning gaze held you immobile like the galaxy's most powerful vice.

"I know what marks I've left on this body, little one," he said, voice unbearably tender. "I know what scars one gets from doing what we do. But this-" his fingers brushed your wrists, your thighs, your torso, tracing the bar code that you had marked yourself with in so many places- "this is not that." His voice, though still intolerably gentle, was taut, hinting at the tightly leashed rage that you could feel bubbling just below his deceptively calm exterior.

For so long, you had been terrified that someone would find out, would ask an unavoidable question, would see something they shouldn't have because you slipped up.

You hadn't expected it to be him.

What the hell was he going to do to you?

After another excruciating moment of consideration, he reached up and unbuckled the gag, carefully sliding it out from between your teeth and setting it on the tray beside the scissors and abandoned syringe. You worked your jaw, gratefully bringing a bit of relief to your sore muscles and parched mouth. You were so tired. So, so tired, too physically and psychologically exhausted to care what happened to you anymore. You had already been on this table for an eternity too long. Let him get what he wanted from you and finally, at long last, leave you for dead.

"What is it?" he asked evenly. "Control? Punishment? Or something else?"

Your eyes snapped open, wide with fear and shock, only to find your gaze locked together with his.

"What?" The word came out of your mouth in a grating, dry rasp.

"You heard me," he said. "Why do you do it?"

How dare he. How dare he. The absolute nerve he had, to strap you to a table you and torture you endlessly, and then find out about this and pretend that he cared.

"Fuck off," you said.

"That's no answer."

"You don't even care." You glanced away, eyes flooded with silent tears that you were too embarrassed about to let him see. "No one does."

You flinched as you felt a leather glove hand touch you, then realized that he was caressing your face. Stroking your hair. Comforting you, exactly where you needed it. Holding you like your mother did, so long ago. Touching you the way you had been starving for for so long.

How could he possibly know what you needed so desperately, much less be doing it of his own accord? What happened to him?

You finally mustered up the courage to look back at him, despite the blinding tears and your fear of what you might see. When you finally wrenched your gaze up to meet his, you were shocked by what you saw.

Pity. Concern. Genuine worry. Anger, not at you, but at the people who watched you spiral so far down and did nothing.

All this he told you with his eyes alone.

How was this possible? Stars' sake, he was your enemy. He hated you. So why was he looking at you like he was trying to offer you a lifeline when he was supposed to want you dead?

"Why are you doing this to me?" you whispered.

"Answer me," he said quietly, "And I'll stop."

You took a rattling breath in, and shut your eyes.

You had no choice.

"It's everything," you said softly. "The control. The punishment. All of it." You opened your eyes again and looked back at him as a sob built in your throat. "It keeps me alive, even though I don't deserve to be."

---

"It keeps me alive, even though I don't deserve to be."

The words hit Kylo like a dagger to the heart.

So that was why you had never acted on the desires he sensed in you, why you wanted to join him so badly but rejected his offers at every turn. That was why, when he offered you his hand, his teaching, his service, a position by his side, you almost took it before you wrenched yourself away. The Resistance never understood you, saw you as nothing more than a tool for a job. And you didn't think you deserved the what he could provide.

The sobs he had watched you struggle against for so long finally spilled past your lips in a tidal wave. He shushed you as one would a frightened animal, brushed away your tears with his thumb, and quickly undid the restraints at your ankles and wrist. He slid his arms under you and lifted you as easily as though you were a child, one arm under your legs to support your weight, the other pressing your head to his chest as you sobbed, the Force supporting you where he couldn't.

"Easy now," he said, voice low and soothing. "Easy, easy, easy- there we go, come on, come on, there's a good girl. I've got you. I've got you. You're safe now. You're safe. Good girl, come with me. Come with me, now."

He kept up the constant stream of reassurances as he carried you to his bed, holding you with one arm and the Force as he pulled back the covers with the other before setting you in the bed. He kicked off his boots and slid in beside you, pulling you close to his chest, telling you what you had needed to hear for so long.

You were going to be okay, he told you. He promised. Vowed to keep you by his side and give you everything he had to offer, fulfill your every need.

He'd give you the galaxy, if you asked for it. But all you needed was him.

The two of you stayed there until your sobs subsided, his hand absently stroking your hair, your tears soaking his shirt. Neither of you said anything, but you both knew.

You were finally where you belonged. And you were here to stay.