#'probably difficult or scary to interact with' list

[a-secret-inner-life]

I came across a lot of stuff that I could relate to about autism while researching for a paper, which led me to do more research on autism in general. I saw some other people doing this type of post on here, so: autistic people, can you please read my super long and detailed list of possible symptoms I experience and tell me if it seems like I'm one of you? I'm trying to be objective and reasonable and figure out what's going on with myself here.

Sensory Stuff

I like to stim–bouncing my legs, tapping my feet when I sit, occasionally swinging my legs or rocking. I also clench my fists or sit on my hands a lot and tap my fingers on things, or just fiddle with whatever is in front of me. Recently, I count while touching my thumb to each of my fingertips to calm down because someone in a book I read did that and it actually does help me. I also sing the alphabet song repeatedly when I'm working on my website.

Sometimes when I'm very tired or overwhelmed my face feels itchy and I feel like every strand of hair touching me prickles and itches and leaves a red spot (but it doesn't actually).

I have a strong hatred for perfume because it smells too strong and fakey, and citrus scents also drive me nuts, but I really like scented candles.

I'm a super picky eater, although I'm not as bad as when I was a kid. I don't mind the taste of tomatoes, peppers, or onions in things, but I'm still a little grossed out when I know I'm eating them, and the texture of onions freaks me right out, as an example.

I get startled easily. Loud noises don't actually scare me, they just jolt me out of whatever thought space I was in before I heard them.

I also get overwhelmed whenever someone tries to talk to me in a loud car (whether it's loud with other people or just the engine), and I find it overwhelming and incredibly difficult to concentrate when more than one person is talking at once. Whenever I'm in a crowd, it just sounds like this vague roar that gets louder the more I think about it, which can sometimes be overwhelming. Still, I'm good at tuning some things out in select circumstances, like the TV when it's on.

Finally, if I pay attention at pretty much any time when there isn't a ton of other noise, I can hear ringing in my ears. This isn't usually upsetting, and I know it's fairly common for anyone to get tinnitus from time to time, but I'm not sure if most people experience it this much.

Social Stuff

I can not handle eye contact.

I'm also really, really, comically bad at social interactions. I almost never speak to someone I don't know well before they speak to me, and my go-to conversation method is to laugh/giggle and nod, I literally can not make actual conversation to save my life. Sometimes I think of things to say but it doesn't occur to me to say them, or I try to but I'm scared and can't find an opening, or I do say the thing and people don't react the way I want them to (usually it's either confusion or disinterest).

Old ladies are my favorite people because they're the least scary somehow. I also love kids, but I'm still awkward so I rarely interact and probably still freak them out.

I'm horrible at keeping contact and I wait until I know people are offline to reply to their messages because conversation is stressful and I need time to think when I text. Group chats are a nightmare, so I pretty much ghost everyone when I'm in one.

I'm super attached to my family, though. I make an effort to create a deep bond with each of my siblings, and I'm the clingiest person in the world when it comes to my older sister.

I value people very deeply, which might be why I find them so intimidating. I love them and I want them to be happy, and I put too much pressure on the situation.

I used to hate being alone, and I still feel guilty or sad whenever I spend too much time by myself, although I actually love to be by myself, a lot of my hobbies and favorite places are solitary, and I usually prefer figuring things out on my own rather than having somebody right there trying to figure it out with me.

I'm incredibly empathetic. It's not like I can automatically sense people's emotions, but I do make an effort to pay attention and understand what they're feeling and why they feel that way. My siblings come and rant to me a lot, and I can be a good diplomat and see both points of view when they argue. I also care, and I always want to make people feel better, though it obviously doesn't always work. Sometimes I'm too empathetic, or maybe too creative, and I stress out about what someone might be feeling when I don't know if it's an actual issue or not.

Patterns and Stuff

I've always been good at remembering my parents’ phone numbers and our zip code, as well as my friends’ birthdays. I work at a grocery store where I find myself reciting the regular customers’ lottery numbers in my head as they're saying them to me.

My dad used to have a verbal checklist of what to bring to work each morning, and I still recite it every time I hear the words “wallet” and “keys” next to each other. Same goes for my old morning checklist that I don't even follow anymore.

I don't adhere to a strict routine in terms of the general structure of my day, but I definitely have a system or pattern for a lot of my specific activities.

Emotional Stuff

I've been obsessed with drawing and painting for as long as I can remember. I write all the time. I think I dedicated myself and a huge chunk of my life to my hobbies. If I like something, I like to think that I make it my own, and that thing permeates who I am.

When I first started listening to BTS, I scoured literally the entire Internet to find every possible hidden track any of the members ever touched, and there were A LOT. Lately I've been obsessed with Keeper of the Lost Cities, and I can't stop talking about the books. I'm also hyper fixated on Tomorrow X Together.

When I start something, I need to finish it, and I'll often think I'm so close to being done only to continue on it for several more hours, trying to hurry up and finish because I need to get it done now. I'm also pretty bad at switching tasks. I try to multitask, but it doesn't really work out.

I can easily forget about my own physical needs; particularly I don't usually realize when I'm hungry. Overall my needs are very flexible to the people around me; if you want to eat together, suddenly I'm hungry, if you don't feel like stopping, neither do I.

I'm a perfectionist, but I hate asking for help. This is especially true when it comes to my grades and my hobbies. I'm more comfortable when I can control the variables and nobody has to know if I fail.

I'm pretty sure I have executive dysfunction because I put so much pressure on doing things perfectly that I lose the motivation to do them at all, and as much as I need to get something done, I can't make myself do it.

Since I was little I've always been awkward and out of place. I feel like I take up too much space. Honestly, I feel like my existence is lame and embarrassing. I hate myself.

I absolutely suck at decision making, sometimes because I don't want to choose something that other people won't like and partially because I'm just really indecisive. Often I feel stuck or paralyzed because I can't choose one way or another.

Along those same lines, the responsibility of being told to do something for someone else is terrible, and I hate doing these things without incredibly specific instructions because I'm scared of messing up.

I also need to know exact details of whatever activity I'm doing before I do it, and I hate when something big isn't planned out in detail.

I used to have a lot of meltdowns as a child. I’d yell and cry and throw things when I was upset. This still happens sometimes, but not as frequently or as badly.

I feel guilty about everything, including mistakes from years ago that shouldn't matter anymore. This makes me feel sort of unworthy (?), like anything good I do is the bare minimum and if I cause a problem (through anxiety or executive dysfunction) that messes up a project, I feel like I have to do everything else perfectly to make up for it, although I usually end up feeling like I'm coddling myself instead.

I constantly compare myself to others. If someone else has a problem that's worse than what I deal with, I feel like I'm not allowed to have my own negative feelings.

I feel like none of my feelings are valid. I feel and think all sorts of dramatic things that seem like the end of the world, but compared to others, my problems are small, and I feel stupid for having them. I almost wish I had a bigger issue or more dangerous mental problems that would make my responses more reasonable, but my logical side knows that this thinking is wrong.

I've been dealing with off and on burnout since I was around twelve years old (so about five years). I've been told over and over that my mindset is wrong and I need to do a million things better mentally to be less of a perfectionist, but I don't have the energy to put in any effort whatsoever to fix myself. I still get random bursts of motivation that last for short periods of time, though.

Sometimes when I go to bed after a stressful day, I wake up in the morning and I have this uncontrollable dread about starting my day. The thought of getting up sounds impossible, and it's almost like there's something sitting in my chest keeping me down.

[upsidedownwithsteve]

Just random thoughts that were following me for a few days now. I feel like small writers who just have begun writing have zero chances to gain followers and therefore interaction for their fics. People read only big popular authors and they in turn read and reblog only each others so they promote only each other. I know I sound like I'm complaining (I probably am) but I got completely uninspired by lack of interaction, I spent (like all writers do) a lot of my free time writing 15k fic to get 20 likes meanwhile some big writers can post just a few sentences-teaser and get huge amount of interaction just for that. And I feel so sad... I'm not sure if it's only ST fandom or other fandoms have the same problem

I’m sorry that you’ve been made to feel that way! I get it though and I’m sure other fandoms go through the same sort of drought. I’d like to blame it largely on the fact that the fandom just simply isn’t as busy as it was when S4 came out, but I think we all know that interaction has been lacking for a wee while now.

it’s really disheartening and I’m sorry that you put so much love and effort into such a big fic for you to feel it was ignored. I know there’s a good handful of blogs that are still active and try really hard to keep the fandom engaged, but it’s difficult to make yourself known, especially now.

but please! feel free to send it my way! you’ve done the hard scary part of writing and posting, reach out to others who you think would enjoy your work 😙 I’m trying my best to read more fics on my down time and reblogging them over on @udwslibrary. also, there’s a lot of amazing writing challenges going round lately, which is always a good way to spark inspo and join in with the fandom - I know taylor is doing gods work over on @superbwritersroom and listing them all for us to find 🧡

[concretepuppy]

Hey, I wanted to ask if you'd recommend phallo to someone without dysphoria who's like 90% cis? I just kind of want a dick from time to time, but it doesn't affect my sex life or distress me that I don't. I'd also like a cis-looking and feeling dick (idk why but I would probably get dysphoria from a dick that was obviously made with phallo) so idk. Transphobes fearmonger a lot so it kind of scares me to make the jump. And idk if major surgery is worth it to satisfy something I'd live my life perfectly fine without doing...

i’m a huge proponent of cis people getting bottom surgery if it makes them happy. i talk quite a lot about how i think a lot of cis stone butches in particular would probably be a lot happier of they had a sensate penis to use for sex, bc i have had quite a few stones complain to me about how they wish they could feel it when they use a strap. it’s ok to get bottom surgery just for sex.

why exactly do you want a dick? what do you want out of it? do you want it for sex? do you think you would have better self image if you had one? do you want to be able to pee from it? do you want balls? do you want to keep your current genitals? there are a lot of considerations to make. i’d start by making a list of all the things that make you want a dick, and then all the potential cons.

i would encourage you to examine why you think you would feel dysphoric about having a phallo dick—what about them is so different from a natal penis? what are the aspects of a natal penis that you feel you’d miss with a phallo penis? have you seen a long-healed phallo dick w medical tattooing? have you ever interacted w a phallo dick irl? i’d also ask you to check your beliefs about what phallo dicks look like. these both have a lot of layers of transphobia and body shaming to unpack.

phalloplasty is a major surgery. it’s permanent in that you’d have to find a surgeon willing to do penectomy on a phallo patient to get it removed, which would likely be very difficult. but it’s not the huge, scary thing people make it out to be. most people just have 6-8wks of recovery (and maybe even shorter for later stages depending on what you’re getting done) and that’s it. the hardest part for me was stage 1 movement restriction, but that was 5 years ago and it’s over with now. if you think you’d be happier getting phallo, then by all means pursue it. it’s not like it’s a fast process, so even if you started contacting surgeons today you’d still have at least 12-18mo to think about it.

also keep in mind that navigating the process will be much more difficult unless you lie and say you’re a trans guy (or in the states at least most of the big name phallo surgeons are familiar enough w nonbinary people that they dont bat an eye abt it, so you could use that). i cant imagine most reputable phallo surgeons here would agree to do surgery for a person who openly IDed as cis (tho i could be wrong, i dont have direct experience w any team other than OHSU so it’s just me guessing based on other ppls anecdotes) and i have even less confidence that insurance would cover it. but it’s fine to lie and say you’re a trans dude if that’s what it takes to get the surgery or hormones or whatever you need. i didnt tell my surgical team i was bigender until stage 3, and i specifically told them to just list me as a trans man in claims. the OHSU team is really great about stuff like that, but other teams might not be.

[dnuzhna]

These 5 spooky video games will keep you on the edge of your seat

From big-budget blockbusters to indie standouts, the future has a lot of fear-packed games. But many older games are still so good, it would be a shame to miss them. As a huge horror fan, it is difficult to find the right blend of scary and story in a video game. Hence, I have created a list of my absolute must-play horror games to help fellow enthusiasts.

Until Dawn (2015)

If you’re looking for the most cliché horror game, it’s got to be this one. Until Dawn is an interactive survival horror game that lets players step into the shoes of eight young adults as they try to survive on Blackwood Mountain. 

The characters fit stereotypes that can be found in horror movies. There are plenty of jump scares in the story, and the coolest part is you decide how it progresses. Rami Malek, Hayden Panettiere, and Brett Dalton are some of the recognizable faces in the game.

Developer: Supermassive Games

Genre: Survival Horror, adventure, exploration

Modes: Single player

Rating: Mature (ESRB), 18 (PEGI)

Available on: PlayStation 4

Fatal Frame III: The Tormented (2005)

A third installment in the Fatal Frame series, Fatal Frame III: The Tormented tells the story of Rei Kurosawa, a freelance photographer, who is assigned to take photos of an abandoned mansion. The dark, narrow corridors and Japanese ghosts definitely add a lot of scare factor to this survival horror classic.

Throughout the game, you'll experience unexpected twists and turns, as you fall under the curse of the mansion. What's really interesting is that there are two endings. 

Developer: Tecmo

Genre: Survival Horror

Modes: Single player

Rating: Mature (ESRB), 18 (PEGI)

Available on: PlayStation 2

The Evil Within (2014)

Though not as popular, this game is a psychological horror experience that messes with your perceptions. The story is fascinating and the characters are multidimensional. 

You take on the role of Sebastian Castellanos, a police detective arriving with his partners at a Beacon Memorial Hospital to investigate a crime. The team finds the hospital abandoned after discovering a massacre took place there. The story then takes a crazy turn which you should definitely find out for yourself!

This game has more action and shooting than the other two, reminiscent of Resident Evil four through six. So if you want something more action-oriented, this one is for you.

Developer: Tango Gameworks

Genre:  Psychological horror, Survival Horror

Modes: Single Player

Ratings: Mature (ESRB), 18 (PEGI)

Available on: PlayStation 4, Xbox One, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, Microsoft Windows, Xbox Cloud Gaming

Resident Evil 7: Biohazard (2017)

The first-person survival horror game Resident Evil 7: Biohazard has a LOT of gore. You play as Ethan Winters, who searches for his long-missing wife on a derelict plantation occupied by an infected family, fighting enemies and solving puzzles. 

This will probably be on every horror game list, but it is totally worth checking out. The seventh Resident Evil game brought Capcom back to its horror roots, and they did a great job.

Developer: Capcom

Genre: Psychological horror, survival horror

Modes: Single Player

Ratings: Mature (ESRB), 18 (PEGI)

Available on: PlayStation 4, Xbox One, PC, Nintendo Switch (Cloud Version), PlayStation 5, Stadia

Blair Witch (2019)

There's no doubt you'll be up at night with this one! In this game, an ex-policeman, Ellis Lynch, is tasked with finding a missing boy in the Black Hills Forest, based on the Blair Witch horror movies of the '90s.

“Blair Witch is one of the most successfully terrifying horror games I've ever played. More so even than any of the Amnesia games, it made me feel like I'd been dragged feet-first through Hell by the end.” 

- (Hafer, 2019)

With the first person perspective and the extremely dark surroundings, you're sure to get goose bumps. The story is captivating and makes you question everything. There are plenty of puzzles to solve as well as a lot to explore. and the fact that you can customize your German Shepherd at the beginning of the game (and feed him snacks throughout) is particularly appealing to me.

Developer: Bloober Team

Genre: Survival horror

Modes: Single Player

Ratings: Mature (ESRB)

Available on: Microsoft Windows, Xbox One, PlayStation 4, Nintendo Switch, Oculus Quest, Oculus Quest 2, Amazon Luna

References:

Hafer, L. (2019, August 30). Blair Witch Review. Retrieved October 28, 2022, from IGN website: https://www.ign.com/articles/2019/08/30/blair-witch-review-3

‌

[meetmeatthecoda]

Sorry if this is kind of random, but I've always struggled with finding friends in a fandom because I get too nervous about interacting even in small ways and end up keeping all of my fandom stuff secret, like most of my tumblr reblogs are private and I don't tell anyone about my ao3. But I've recently resolved to work on that, so I'm planning on starting over with a new blog and a new ao3 handle and moving all of my fav old content to it and being more interactive going forward. But...old habits die hard, and since you're so so so kind and friendly, and you're one of those ppl who's known in their (corner of a) fandom, like other writers call you by your name and anons send you prompts/theories/feels and people just!! talk to you about your fics and stuff and!!!, I was wondering if maaaaaaybe you could give some pointers on how to "join"/integrate/idk!!! in a fandom? Sorry if this is a really weird or difficult question aaaa, anything even your own experience would be nice but it's ok if you don't want to answer. Happy early halloween from a debilitatingly anxious anon 💙

Hi there, anon!! ❤️ Omg, firstly let me say that while yes this is an unexpected ask, it is also a very welcome ask!! I can't say I've ever been asked something like this before, but I can also say I've perhaps never related to an ask more before!! I 1000% also... identify as... an anxious person (I'm tip-toeing with my wording here bc - while I have always been an anxious/nervous person, especially socially - I've also not been professionally assessed or diagnosed, which is solely my own doing, but I know that can be a dividing line with this topic sooooo I'll just say that... I believe that I can understand at least a little of how you feel) & fandom can be a very intimidating & nerve-wracking place!! Prior to starting this blog, I was only ever on the outskirts or in the background of the fandoms I was interested in -- The Blacklist was the first fandom I made an effort to actively be a part of, so I know how jumping in with little to no experience can be scary!! Also... ever since I hovered on the edge of fandom - peeking in with envious eyes at active bloggers, shippers, & content-creators - I have always wanted to be someone... well, someone exactly like you so kindly described me: someone who's known in their fandom & has a nickname & is even sent asks & I honestly can't believe it happened to me. And while this is by no means the only or best way to experience fandom, it is so gratifying & heart-warming & fulfilling to be so connected amidst a fandom community, especially a relatively small one like TBL!! BUT enough of my blabbering!! I'm probably the last person qualified to be giving the kind of advice you're asking for, but I'm more than happy to share my experience with you, anon, bc I feel like we're very similar people!! So, I'll list some bullet points below (under a cut bc we all know I never use one word when twenty will do lolz) on my thoughts on how to join/integrate in a fandom... if you'll be so kind as to take it all with a sizable grain of salt LOL 🤗

OKAY SO my first tip - bc this is what I remember doing the most in my baby!blog days - is:

Start by engaging with fandom content in whatever small way you feel comfortable with!! And the best way I found to do this?? Is the tags!! Tags are your friends!! That's literally all I did for the first few seasons of TBL after making this blog!! In my mind, the tags are kind of an optional/extra credit situation; you can leave them if you want to AND people can choose to acknowledge them or not. You can use them as a filing system, a place to leave your own thoughts or feelings (me AF lmfao), OR a dropbox for direct praise for the OP, which they will see in their notes!! Therefore, I've always found that to be the perfect, least stressful way of interacting in a fandom. That way, your perspective is there for anyone who chooses to see it, but people have that choice of whether or not to respond or follow you based on what they see. Plus, finding & engaging with the content you like helps you to follow the people who are making the content you like!! And, once you have, & don't be afraid to TELL THEM you like their content!! People love compliments, especially about things they're passionate about!! And I can tell you from personal experience that some of my best fandom friends were made over a love of each other's content!! On that note -

If you feel inspired, don't be afraid to step up & make your own content!! This will ID you as a fellow active fandom member which will attract the people you want to befriend!! Sidenote: this isn't necessarily why I started writing fanfic, but it was a delightful facet of the result!! Before I was a writer in the fandom, I simply reblogged gifsets & text posts by other talented creators & hesitantly - but slowly more enthusiastically - shared my thoughts & feelings!! And by the time I started writing, my blog was Lizzington-themed & familiar to fellow shippers... And when I became something of a content creator in the form of fanfic, that's when I think I really started getting asks, which is a whole other lovely part of fandom!! Of course, it always helps to be friendly & approachable (which you already are, clearly, just based on this sweet ask!!) & to leave your ask box open & your anons on if you're comfortable with that!! So, when you feel ready, be willing to converse & engage with people in comments & replies on your content, bc people want to bond over their favorite things!! And tbh in that way?? Fandom is sort of easier than real life, bc the awkward phase of "finding common ground" is already done!! OH & ON THAT NOTE -

Try to remember that anxiety is your worst enemy, even in fandom space!! Personally, I've always found fandom a place to let go of the anxiety that plagues me more in real life, but of course it's not that simple & anxiety can still be very present in online interactions!! But try to remember that other people want to make fandom friends too!! And reaching out to someone to try & make a friend is 99% of the time NOT going to be a bother to them. If you feel unsure about reaching out (which I often do!!), just picture being on the receiving end of your kind messages & offers of friendship!! Would you ever be annoyed at someone polite or reject someone kind or shun a fellow member of your fandom?? No!! And the odds are that like-minded people won't either!! But worst case?? They just won't answer & that's okay, too, bc you've lost nothing by trying!! 😍🥰❤️

So yeah, I don't know if this is good advice for you, my dear anon, it's literally just my own experience... but I have to say that I'm so proud of you for wanting to work on your fandom shyness!! (NOT that that's a necessity btw!! I'm a firm believer that SHY /DOES NOT/ = BAD!! Shyness is not a trait that needs to be "fixed" or "worked on" & it is not inherently better or worse than being "out-going", regardless of what the rest of the world likes to tell & show us. It is simply a different, equally good way of being that brings an essential variety to the world.) But the difference here is intent. You WANT to change your fandom experience & therefore you're going out of your way to do so, even though it's tough, & that's very brave!! I'm proud of you!! 😊 Anyway, if this long-ass response hasn't scared you off, feel free to pop back any time, dear anon, whether it's for more (crappy) advice, support from a fellow anxious person, or just to chat about Lizzington or anything!! Good luck to you, my friend, and remember: you can do it!! Much love to you, always!! ❤️

[learningnewways]

Leaving New Zealand

Well, the adventure truly has begun!! After 36hrs of travelling, including 4 flights, my mum and I finally made it to Egypt! More on my time in Egypt is coming in my next post...

So I’m just now realising that I forgot to mention in my other blog posts that my mum was coming with me for the first 3 weeks in the Middle East! I had been talking for a few weeks about going overseas and that Egypt and Israel were on my list, but it wasn’t until I actually booked my Israel tour that my mum jokingly said, “Maybe I should come too...” And so here she is! It definitely made getting on the plane in New Zealand a lot easier knowing I wasn’t going to be fully alone at first. I’m also so excited that we’re doing the Israel tour together, as it’s always nice to share experiences with other people. We haven’t really travelled much together as adults, so that will be an interesting experience! We are quite different in the way we travel, so here’s hoping we don’t clash...

My last few days in New Zealand were beyond incredible. I was surrounded constantly by people I loved. I had life group, house church, my leaving party, church, a good friend’s engagement party and many other hangouts with awesome people. I discovered that when you tell people that you’re leaving, people come out from everywhere to tell you how much they care about you, which is so nice! It has been a really special past few weeks, soaking in everyone’s love, support and encouragement. I had countless moments with people in person and through letters and messages, where I felt so seen, loved and appreciated. I really care about those around me and it’s nice to know there are so many people who also care about me and have my back. So a massive THANK YOU to everyone who made my final weeks and days in Nelson so incredible.

People keep asking me if it’s easier to leave when I’ve done it before when I lived in the USA and Singapore, but it is still extremely difficult. Each time you’re leaving different people, circumstances, opportunities and always for the unknown, which is terrifying! But this time has probably been the hardest of all. That’s because my life in Nelson is so great right now. I have the best of friends and an incredible community around me, which makes it so hard to say goodbye. At the same time, I know God has called me to leave and go away for now, particularly to The Gambia, so I know I can trust that He’s got it sorted. That’s really comforting, but equally scary because what has He got for me over there that is better than what is at home? And better might not mean better in our Western minds... There’s a saying, “no pain, no gain” and I wonder if that’s what God’s got for me... Lots to gain but a lot of pain along the way... Knowing that I’m leaving with a giant team of supporters behind me makes it a bit easier, as I know I have people I can call on if I get stuck or need some prayer or encouragement.

Not knowing if I’ll be coming back home to Nelson to live after my time away is the most challenging part of it all. I’m trying not to think about that and just enjoy every day and every moment over here, counting my blessings that I can even do a trip of a lifetime like this. But it’s hard not to miss home and the people I love. I do love travelling and exploring new places, but I love my friends and family more. I would rather stay in Nelson for the rest of my life, but keep all my friends and family, than to travel the world forever with endless money but forsake my people.

So God... I know you have big plans for me, and that your ways are higher than my ways, but You also know that I’m human and have my own desires and fears. Please give me the peace and comfort I need to get through this time away, to rely on You, for I know You are all I truly need. You are with me always, no matter where I go. Help me to see you daily through people I meet, interactions I have, by just being in Your beautiful creation. Help me to trust You more. Help me to shine Your light brightly. I don’t want this if You’re not in it. 

[aactailmon]

Autism ask game (except I do all of the questions at once for AAC practice)

From this post

⏰- when were you diagnosed/when did you start suspecting you were autistic?

I don't actually remember being diagnosed with Autism, nor do I remember being told what it meant to have Autism. However, I was diagnosed when I was 7, but would go through a number of diagnoses before my Autism was recognized. (Fun fact: I was diagnosed before you could have both Autism and ADHD, with the latter being my original diagnosis. This was also before the DSM allowed patients to be diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD, so my ADHD diagnosis would become null and void. I still wonder if I could have both...)

🌙- are you a morning person or a night person?

Definitely an afternoon and evening person, my chronic fatigue makes me have unrestful sleep, so getting a good night's sleep is difficult.

🎁- what’s your special interest(s)?

A few of my special interests include toys and toy collecting, cats, music, disability, and roller coasters. There are a few others as well, but they aren't as intense as my main ones.

🍔- do you have sensory problems with food? what food do you like to eat?

I struggle with food and eating, but I have been learning how to cook over the past year and I think its been helping me to cope with my sensory issues. I like to cook with meat, grains and dairy, so I like dishes like chicken Alfredo and other pastas, steak, pizza, hamburgers, and grilled cheese. I like some fruit and vegetables too, but while I am trying my best, I can still be picky with them.

🎧- what symptom(s) of yours is the hardest for you to deal with?

There are a lot of things about Autism that I struggle with... Social interaction, emotional regulation, communication, harmful stims, sensory issues, executive dysfunctional, amongst other related mental health problems.

🦄- what do you excel at?

People would say that I am skilled at art and painting, I have been doing it since I was very young and I used to want to be an artist, but these days I don't think the art industry is a good match for me. I also think I am decent at customizing toys, sewing and cooking. I also like technology and photography.

🍯- do you stim? what are some ways you stim?

I stim a lot and have many methods of stimming, too many to list here, and I do pretty much every type of stimming there is. A few of my favourite stims include hand flapping, body rocking, listenning to music, petting my plushies and cat, looking at calming visuals, and playing with my stim toys. I also have a unique finger stim that is difficult to describe, but I have had it since I was a young child.

🌡- do you prefer the heat or the cold? is one or the other stimmy? does one or the other cause sensory problems?

Both heat and cold make my chronic illnesses flare up in different ways, so neither are ideal. If I had to choose between the two, I would probably go with hot weather, but there is only so much I can tolerate before I reach my limit.

🌈- are you a part of the lgbt+ community? what is your lgbt+ identity?

I am a gay androgynous man and I am very proud of my identity. Also, my pronouns are he/him and she/her.

🎢- what are some common phobias you have?

It is not nearly as bad as it used to be, but I have a fear of fire, and I have had this fear since I was a young child. I am able to cope with it better since, but being around it makes me very anxious. Even things like candles make me nervous to be around. Nowadays, my fears are more hypothetical concepts rather than existing things. I don't even find things like heights or the dark to be scary.

🎆- fireworks: yes or no?

They are pretty to look at, but I will appreciate them from a distance, they are way too loud for my liking.

💬- are you an introvert or an extrovert?

I am actually an extrovert, but I struggle with socializing a lot, and keeping up with neurotypical standards is very exhausting, so I prefer to socialize with other Autistic and developmentally disabled people.

🍫- do you have a sweet tooth?

Yes, and I probably have more of it than I should. I love chocolate and chocolate-covered almonds and pistachios, cookies, donuts, brownie, ice cream, and cake.

☕- do you regularly consume caffiene? do you find that caffeine helps manage your symptoms or makes them worse?

Never tried caffeine before, but I have been meaning to for a while now. I am curious about whether or not it would do anything for me.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦- do you have friends or family members with autism?

My sister is considering the possibility of having Autism, but nothing has been confirmed yet. Other than that, there is no one else in my family who has Autism as far as we know. When it comes to my friends though, almost all of them are Autistic or developmentally or mentally disabled in some way.

👕- what kind of clothes do you usually wear?

No textures are off limits, but I don't like anything too tight. Too bad I have to wear braces.

✏- do/did you like or dislike school?

It got easier when I went to special ed and alternative high school, but school has always been a struggle for me due to my Autism, and learning and physical disabilities. Even with an IEP, it was still a major struggle, both for learning and making friends.

💅- how do you usually practice self care?

I have an app on my phone called Habitica that tracks my chores and self care habits by turning my life into a video game, it helps to have an interactive schedule in my hands that I can bring with me wherever I go. Without it, I wouldn't be able to function as well as I can.

❤- what’s your favorite color?

Pink, yellow, green and red are my favourites, specifically in that order.

[dzpenumbra]

3/5/23

I finally caught up on sleep. Convenient for me to say that as I am starting this at 3:30AM. Yep, sleep schedule is still fucked. Not like it really matters that much, honestly, so... I might as well not make my life harder by beating myself up.

I have been back and forth about sharing this part... but I figure it'd probably be good to process it. I started the day by browsing dating apps. (that's not the part, but the lead-in) No matches, of course, and reached the end of the list pretty quick. I went over to Reddit. I'm clearly seeking social interaction. When I was on reddit, I found a post on a PTSD subreddit about some chick who... her boyfriend was saying she traumatized him by sharing her trauma with him. And... as someone who has been on the other side of someone unexpectedly sharing intense trauma with me... several times... and me being a very sensitive, very visual, very experiential person... it can be surreally difficult. Like... nowadays... I can even struggle to watch intense movies and stuff. I really don't know what happened, I think it's part of the PTSD, maybe just realizing how real that shit is. I say that, because I used to love horror movies and games and shit... and now... it's like... I struggle to get myself to even envision it as enjoyable. Too scary, too intense. Maybe it's a mindgame? Maybe it's avoidance? I don't know, it's really weird and I'd like to figure it out sometime.

Anyway. I wrote this whole like page long response about how... well, a lot of things. How maybe it's a good idea to give him a warning, and secondary trauma is a real thing. And shit like that. I'm already disconnecting from this a bunch because I don't want to go back there. I... I completely misread the situation. And I saw people in the comments saying "this dude is an abuser, get out of there." Like... tons. And I just... didn't see it. I saw that this dude was absolutely handling it poorly, and he was clearly in a tremendous amount of emotional pain, and clearly extremely bad at processing it. The chick, really didn't get a read on her at all. But I didn't connect the dots on abuse at all at first. Which really felt bad when the chick messaged me back 20 minutes later.

She gave further examples of how this dude was telling her she can't use certain numbers around him, can't talk about her childhood, her teenage years, certain people... shit like that. Like... my jaw hit the fucking floor. I felt fucking horrible. I completely misread it. I mean, I didn't really, I just... I didn't gather that it was that bad. At all. And that shit, that shit is super controlling. And I've encountered it before, first hand, I've been on the other side of that. With younger people, which unfortunately branded a very distinct association of that kind of behavior with people in their very early 20's. I might as well get into this too.

I remember playing Jackbox at the retreat. A lot of us were playing, and it was a trivia game. One of the staff members was someone I knew a long time, I gave her son guitar lessons way back, her husband used to be my boss. She was really into STEM, and we were playing a trivia game that came up with a question... and the biological term "hermaphrodite" was used in that question. And a resident, a probably 20-21 year old trans woman, was not even in the room... was walking by in the hallway, and freaked out at us, called us bigots? Insisted we stop playing this insensitive game. Shit like that. Tried to get us shut down. For playing trivia, where a question brought up a biological term referring to an animal, not even a human being. And the level of rage that came from her. That's what I'm picturing. That's what I started to remember.

See, I went into it explaining potential context for the guy's actions. That not everyone is equipped to deal with trauma, and it might've just hit him really hard. Because I've been there. --- I'm gonna level here, I'm feeling a lot of shame around all this. And very confused where I stand. I have been intensely sensitive lately, and... today I have been basically equating myself to that guy, who is clearly being super controlling and enforcing it with outbursts of rage. Which... is clearly not my M.O. Like... I really don't like how I've been automatically equating myself to him. I deal with emotional overwhelm in completely different ways, and I've been working on it for years. I just... get paranoid. I worry that... because I hit another blind spot today... with the jumping to conclusions about treating the guy as innocent... I worry that I'm missing something "that-level-bad" about myself. That I'm a bad person myself in ways, and I don't know it. Sound like someone who's been in a lot of abusive relationships? Yep! So... I'm gonna lay off myself a bit.

This was notable enough to write about because... I actually deleted my original response. I left a second one, just to give her more context on how I felt like I completely misread the situation, and some resources about healthy/unhealthy/abusive boundaries. And sending a lot of condolences and... sharing that I could relate in many ways. But the biggest part there. I deleted a comment. And I never do that, especially on that account. I've had that account for like 15 years, I just... really made a pledge to myself to never delete stuff... to have integrity. To stand by my word. To not write or post anything publicly that I would regret? I guess? But... we all grow. We all change. And new information can change everything. And honestly, I'm not that proud of my deleting there. I think it would be more valuable for me mental health-wise to get used to being wrong publicly and gracefully adjusting. It's a very important skill.

So that took up a bunch of the day. I did more beads. Then, after a bit, I went skating. Yep. I went skating... for 2 hours. And holy crap was it awesome.

I started with flatground, but the snow was really slow and wet. I really didn't feel like skating it after a very short period of time. I moved over to the 4-set very quickly, but... I took a new approach. There's the 2-set then a flat section for about 10 feet, then a 4 set. So I packed a run-up to the 2-set, built a roller out of the very packable snow, and then cleaned up a landing for the 4-set. I skated the hell out of that 4-set. I threw myself down that thing well over 30 times. I wanted to really, really get used to the feeling of ollieing it. I wanted ollieing it to be effortless. For two reasons, 1) to open the comfort level for trying other tricks down it, and 2) to open the comfort level for trying bigger stair sets. I didn't quite get to effortless, but I got much more comfortable.

There were a ton of people out tonight. I went out earlier than usual, around 8ish. And it was a light snowstorm, and a Saturday night. Loads of people walking up and down the sidewalk. Big audience. Only... basically no one cared what I was doing. Which is a bummer. Peoples' heads barely even turned. I guess this internet thing's got everyone jaded.

I was inspired to go back to that old maintenance door thing, use it as a box. I really fucked up my board skating it last time, in the first snowfall. This time... I found the giant protruding metal thing that fucked up my board and I put a big chunk of snow on it so I could see it and avoid it. The rest was fine. I'm so glad I skated that. I got so many tech tricks that I haven't done in so long! So the whole thing is basically a steep hill that I can drop in on, then the flat with the maintenance door which is made of that metal with like... a diamond pattern on top? But it was smooth, not like sharp diamonds, thank god. It had concrete surrounding it, that I had to keep piling snow on to make sure I didn't fuck up my board when i was riding on and off, but besides that it was basically just a something like 6'x8' ride-on grind. Then there was a big manhole at the end of it, which I covered with snow, then a bit of a sharp decline.

I call snowskate slides/grinds by their skateboarding names, because that's my language. Sorry if I confuse anyone. So I first did a 5-0, then nosegrind. Just to get back in the swing of things. They're pretty safe to do, nosegrind can be a bit weird though because riding in snow in nollie position is... tough, to say the least. I upped the ante to 5-0 to shuvit, which I got after a few tries. Then I went to boardslides, which worked surprisingly well. BS board to 270 shuv took some chasing, but I got it. And BS board - shuv - BS board came back surprisingly easy too. FS board to fakie was really fun, that trick feels so good, I swear, it's such a "leap of faith" trick, you're just completely blind and along for the ride. I tried FS board - shuv - FS board but... after eating shit pretty hard on it... I tapped out. 5-0 - 360 shuv was not there either, couldn't get more than a 270 rotation for some reason. I closed it out by trying to set up in kickflip position, drop in, do a 5-0, then set up and kickflip off the manhole down the drop into the decline. I came really close, but couldn't stick it. Kickflips just get in my head. I really just need to get a good section of hill with a packed flatground section and just grind moving kickflips all day. That would make a world of difference. I'm just not comfortable with them yet.

That said... I did a line after that that's sorta my... line of the day. Even with all the tech slide tricks above. Those are all tricks I've done before a bunch of times. Like 5-0 shuv was a trick I could do in my sleep in winter '19-'20. The line I was really proud of was ollieing the 4-set, then on the section between the two 4-sets, instead of just building speed, I did one of the cleanest moving kickflips I've ever done. And some kids outside the chinese restaurant across the street were cheering and shit. To be honest, I have no idea if they were cheering because of me, they were raising their arms and everything. I had earbuds in. But I sheepishly waved "back" at them. Still don't know if they saw it or were stoked, or what that was about, but... it was right at my proudest moment... so I'm going to pretend it was for me even if it wasn't.

I'm so proud of my skating progress this year. I wish we had more winter, I can feel it fading. I'll skate as much as I can, and translate as much of this into skateboarding as I can once it warms up.

Oh, and I landed a clean flatground heelflip and flatground varial flip, too. Like... the feeling of them just started coming back. It's so weird. Just tiny shifts in body weight and this mentality of "when you're coiling up to pop, don't bend forward, squat". And "stay above the board".

I got back in super late, and super sore. Ordered Grubhub, I just... I felt I had "earned it", with how fucked this week was. And I really don't have a ton of food in general right now. So, emergency Applebee's it was, and a really expensive one too. Fuckin hell, prices are getting rough out there, folks. Then I spent the rest of the night finalizing the mala.

I would have finished it if I had embraced the paint-scrape imperfections entirely, but some were a little much... so I touched them up and put a quick thin coat of mod podge on them and it worked really well. Mental note to self on that one, getting the whole surface nice and smooth, then touching up the ink, then putting a watered down coat on top... works real well. It's all a learning process. But... I undershot the length of the hemp. By about an inch or two. That was... not fun to realize at the end, but I embraced it and improvised, and my improvisation actually paid off. This thing looks badass. And all that's left is to make a tassel and tie it on.

Seriously, this thing is badass. It's all red beads with this black organic marbling kinda abstract design work that I've been doing since I was a teenager. The marker beads are the same, but with red rings at the sides as spacers, to differentiate. And the guru bead is solid black with the same red rings on the sides, all separated by knots with the cordage being waxed black hemp. It's the perfect fusion of metalhead and hippie for a weirdo like me. I'm very happy with it, I can't wait to finish it tomorrow.

Okay, 4:30. Good day today, fun, productive, big accomplishments! Didn't get to stream, but plenty of time for that in the future. G'night!

[i-just-post-stuff-now]

I guess I'll just start with a fandom I like and why I like it. Harry Potter. This is a story I like for no particular reason other than I like to think of scenarios. That's not to say I'm good at it. But just imagine them playing dungeons and dragons.

(I don't have much knowledge on the books however so ideas and constructive criticism would be very appreciated. However the canon killed Cedric so this may get canon complaint from time to time.)

The party I love to imagine is Cedric, Cho, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, and Luna. I imagine Hermoine getting the others into it while said others are bored or curious and eventually get into it later. Here are just some character ideas I have for them. To start off however, I'll just write the first year group and a bit of possible ideas.

To try to organize this I'll put D) for how I think they'd be as a dungeon master, P) for how they'd be as a player, and S) as ideas I have for how this could connect to the story and for how I would slightly change the story also.

Harry

D) I don't imagine him being a dungeon master tbh, when he meets Ron and Hermione he just came out of an abusive household so I doubt they'd hold dnd events or let him go to any, and as the story continues Harry just goes through a lot of angst and he gets so busy I doubt he'd be able to come up with much of a story for a session and he'd feel bad for it so he'd feel uncomfortable with dming after a bit.

P) As a player, it depends, if the game started during his first year, and he only played with Hermoine and Ron at first, I imagine him reading the book and wanting to start off as a human fighter so he could learn the game.

I imagine Hermione would suggest something for him, like a cleric or a druid, saying that she would help simplify it so he could have fun, while still being able to have a party of two without having to worry about healing and combat.

I like the idea of him playing a druid, ironically his favorite form would be a dog since those are scary to him.

He would, in my mind, play a circle of the moon druid.

He would be the player to have a healing spell always ready and Hermione would probably ignore the wild shape rule or make there be some save to it the more he did it.

I also like the idea of him playing as a Firbolg from Hermiones' suggestion, she would probably say it was because Firbolgs were a common choice for druids, but she would probably want to be able to not worry about elven immunities and trances and things like that.

TLDR; I have him as a Moon circle druid Firbolg, He'd probably act neutral or chaotic good, but he wouldn't know about alignment because Hermione wouldn't really care about that.

Ron

D) As the dm... again I don't see it. At least not in the first years. I don't imagine Ron playing much DnD before Hermione convinced him to play a game. So for now, as this is a focus on first year dnd, I won't write about it.

P) Barbarian, Fighter, or Monk are the first things I think of when I think of Ron. I don't know why but he gave off that vibe of 'I play what I want and what I want is to be storng' (yes I said storng) Hermione wouldn't complain, not in my mind. In my mind Ron would try to be semi difficult with her during their first year and Hermione, being Hermione, would subtly direct him where she wanted him to be, like a half Orc Barbarian. I think she'd want that so she wouldn't have to worry about who to hit. She would probably want tomhe first game to be fun.

Hermione

D) If you couldn't tell by what I wrote above, I think Hermione would be the DM during year one. She would be the type of DM that already has a story in mind and helps starting players by directing them to things she knows well enough.

P) I don't think she'd be a player during year one, but I have plenty of ideas for later.

S) I don't know how to write character interactions too much, so I'll just write it like a script.

CHARACTER LIST

HERMIONE GRANGER:

Hermoine, in my hc, has dealt with people for long enough to know how they work and how to deal with jerks. She would know how to talk circles around many people and she can often guess what they would do next. She still can get overwhelmed and often does when she gets particularly stressed from too much work or if certain people push certain buttons, her way of dealing with this stress. Making a world where she's in charge and you can punch the bad guys without any real repercussions. In the first month of school she has managed to luckily get ahead of most of her work so she doesn't have to worry too much, however Professor Snape has been very difficult, she hasn't been able to get ahead of his class because of his apparent hatred of kissups and he recently assigned a big potions assignment. Brew 10 potions before next class, explain what they can do, and explain how you made them in 500 words or more. This would be easy for Hermoine, but she's currently dealing with stress from bullies and unsurprisingly, Professor Snape. She decides that she can do the work later. This is where the story starts.

RON WEASLEY:

Ron, in my hc, is bored when a subject is too complicated and bored when a subject is too easy. He hasn't been too interested in many of the classes but he's been passing with B+ average. He constantly has to move around and has recently been struggling with some dumb assignment by Snape, seriously though 500 words! Bloody hell... He's lucky to have Hermoine as a friend, she probably already finished the assignment and he can just copy off her. Harry's probably doing the same thing. This is where the story starts.

HARRY POTTER:

Harry, in year one, seems to be the 'wow magic! I'll just focus on this and not the fact that everyone is staring at me' kind of guy. He has been in the expected classes, but he also has been taking some special studies so he can catch up with kids his age. He recently got the same assignment but because he's Harry Potter, a technically special needs student, Professor Snape has made the assignment easier. 1000 words about 15 potions, his assignment is to be presented first. Harry hates him, he needs Hermiones' help with this assignment, and he hopes she already finished.

(This list is all I can think of right now, as it is almost midnight.)

(Year One, Act One, Scene One)

(Gryffindor Main Dorm)

(The curtains open to a simple set up, with a door UL and UR, a fireplace CR, and seats and tables scattered about the room. Windows and the same photo of Albus Dumbledore can be seen repeatedly throughout the room. A candle is the only source of light on the stage, and HERMIONE GRANGER can be seen with a candle, a quill, and several papers. She seems to be writing something before she sighs, sets the quill down, collects the papers, and stands up. She starts reviewing the papers as she walks UL, before Ron enters UL, accidentally cutting her off.)

RON: Oh thank Merlin, You're still up.

HERMIONE: What do you want now Ron?

RON: Are you finished with that potion assignment yet.

HERMIONE: The one due overmorrow?

RON: No the one due next week with the eyes of newt and the- of course I meant the one due overmorrow, what else would I be talking about!

HERMIONE: The one next week with the eye of newt and the tongue of dog.

RON: Very funny, did you finish the assignment?

HERMIONE: I still have a potion and 50 words left, but I decided to stop for tonight, read a book, relax, then go to sleep.

RON: Can I take a look at your papers while you're doing that.

HERMIONE: (Sighs) Sure, but can I ask something first.

RON: Depends, what's up?

HERMIONE: Have you heard of Dungeons and Dragons?

(This is literally all I can write for tonight, as I am exhausted. But I do plan on continuing this.

[robloxgamingplatform]

Popular Roblox Games for All Ages

People of all ages enjoy playing Roblox games because the platform makes it easy to design, build, and distribute games. Roblox users have already created and shared thousands of action, simulation, scary, adventure, racing, shooter, and social hangouts games.

Popular Roblox Games for All Ages

Here are some popular Roblox games for all ages:

Brookhaven RP

Squid Game

Tower Defense Simulator

Brookhaven RP

Active Users: 386k

Visits: 15.8 billion

Rating: 86%

It's difficult to compile a list of the best Roblox games without mentioning a few roleplaying experiences. Brookhaven RP just happens to be one of the best; with less than two years on the market, this game offers a plethora of different things to see and do, as well as a plethora of different people to meet and befriend.

Overall, Brookhaven is more of a social experience than a "game," as it is focused on its hub, where players can meet, chat, and interact with a variety of different elements. Furthermore, players can buy houses, vehicles, and other cool items to have their own little piece of land where they can hang out with their friends and have a good time.

One of the best gaming platforms available is Roblox. However, some games are challenging to finish. The next technique is made to make it easier for users to get past these obstacles and improve their gaming experience. Although there are a few Roblox exploits, Krnl has emerged as one of the most reliable and efficient.

Survive the Killer!

Active Users: 20.8k

Visits: 995 million

Rating: 89%

An asymmetric survival horror game in which one player plays the killer and the others play the survivors. The killer's goal is to capture and kill as many players as possible before the timer runs out. However, as survivors, players must work together to run, hide, and distract the killer in order to escape to safety. Matches in Survive the Killer are intense and adrenaline-inducing, as you can probably tell from the description, making it one of the most exciting titles on this list. This one will definitely appeal to you, especially if you enjoy games like Dead by Daylight.

Squid Game

Active Users: 4.4k

Visits: 714 million

Rating: 86%

Despite a recent drop in active users, the popular Squid Game Roblox experience is still going strong and provides plenty of entertainment in the form of various minigames. Players in this game must participate in a variety of minigames back-to-back, just like in the show from which it is based, in order to survive until the end. This is nearly impossible, however, because they must not only survive the perils of the minigames but also defend themselves from other players. Nonetheless, even without player interaction, Squid Game is entertaining just for the minigames.

Tower Defense Simulator

Active Users: 22.9k

Visits: 1.5 billion

Rating: 93%

We can't finish this list without mentioning at least one popular tower defense Roblox experience, so we'll conclude with Tower Defense Simulator. The goal of this game, as the name suggests, is to man your lane and build a variety of defenses along its path to defend against oncoming hordes and waves of enemies. As you progress through the waves, you'll earn currency that you can use to build and upgrade your defenses, increasing your power and allowing you to defend against tougher enemies.

Krnl is an exploit program that injects third-party programs and runs scripts to perform glitches. You can unlock various malware by using the Krnl key, which grants your character unlimited health, speed, and ammunition.

Conclusion

These are some of the top Roblox games, so give them a try. You can play the Pet simulator in addition to the games mentioned above on the Roblox platform. best Roblox game ever. Play some fun and enjoyable Roblox games in the comments section below.

[siena-sevenwits]

Have you ever come to a part in a story where a character made a choice, for good or for ill, and just reading about that choice and its impact directly influenced your real life outlook?

[moemoemammon]

okkkkkkay so personally I’ve never picked the choices of ‘I wanna go home’ in game, so I guess I mustn’t be that curious right? lol but like I am curious to know how they react to MC being family oriented, being super close to her parents and siblings (i have two and I’m the middle one) and just constantly and out of nowhere being homesick

Homesick MC!

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

As a family man himself, Lucifer can understand where you're coming from. After all, you were plucked out of your world without warning, and forced to stay in the Devildom for an entire year.

At first he didn't care much about your emotional struggle, so it wasn't until you two were close that he actually started paying attention. And it was pretty obvious too, with the way you always talked about your family.

He hopes now that you're closer to him and his brothers, they can make up for what you're missing out on. Still, he does his best to comfort you in that 'Lucifer' sort of way.

Did you really think he’d stand by and let you walk around looking so pitiful? There's a teeny tiny heart somewhere in cold chasm of a chest of his.

"It must be difficult for you to be away from your family. But I hope you can rest easy knowing that we all see you as a part of our family, MC. It may not be the same as being with your real family, but we care about you all the same."

Mammon

Yeah... Mammon gets it. Even though his brothers get on his damned nerves, he loves them to pieces! He needs his space, but he wouldn't wanna be away from home for an entire year.

Especially not if he had to live in a house full of people he didn't know. He can seriously sympathize!

He might not be a master when it comes to comforting you, but you know you can count on him, right? He'll drown you in so much attention, you won't even have time to think about your family back home!

But still... he's got a looming sense of dread. If you're that homesick, you'll surely want to stay home after this, right? Who's to say you'll ever come back to visit him..? Maybe he outta find a way to go with you or something...

"I know you wanna see your family n' all, but don't you go forgettin' about me! And make sure ya come to visit, or I'll go up to get ya myself! I'll miss ya, so...ya know.."

Levi

Sorry. Can't relate.

Just kidding. Levi might be a shut in that prefers his personal space, but it's not like he hates his family or anything! He likes their company in small doses.

But it doesn't look like you have that luxury, since you can't even get a crumb of family time. Would a video chat even work from the Devildom??

Well.... for what it's worth, you can always just come to his room whenever you're feeling lonely. You can't really go anywhere right now, but it should be easier if you just stick with him, right?

"Do you wanna play Sims? ...I-I'm not trying to replace your family or anything! I mean, we could make them if you want, or-... I just want to help take your mind off of things. A year should be a breeze if you don't think about it, right?"

Satan

He's been surrounded by family since the day he was born, so being away from them for an entire year would be... interesting.

Satan considers himself widely independent so he doesn't think he NEEDS his brothers, and there are days when he wishes they'd all just vanish, and sometimes he comes incredibly close to making that a reality-

But for a human like you, who thrives on social interaction (according to his nerd research) you probably don't feel the same way.

Especially with the way you've been sulking around, longingly talking about your family like it'd magically poof them into the Devildom. He might not be able to relate, but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel bad for you.

"I've heard that retelling stories of your loved ones can help you cope with them not being around. I'd love to hear about them, if you don't mind telling me? Maybe I could write it all down for you to keep as well. Consider it a 'thank you' for putting up with all of us for a year."

Asmo

Aren't you happy that you have time alone? Asmo couldn't imagine ALWAYS being around his brothers. Maybe Satan and sometimes Beel? But he's fine in solitude!

He prefers the company of strangers roe often than not, but that doesn't mean he hates family or anything. Still, a year away isn't THAT long, is it? Maybe for a human??

But if you're really so torn up about it, you can always come to him for some TLC! Asmo's arms are open wide for you any time of the day. And if that won't do it, he'll gladly hear you out.

If there's anyone who'll listen to your woes, it's the Avatar of Lust. He's good for gossip, and the king of self care. Your mental health is just as important to him as anything else!

"I'm more than happy to give you all the love you need! How about this, I'll spoil you until you aren't lonely anymore, okay? Why don't we have a movie night, just the two of us?"

Beel

Beel understands how you can be lonely. It must've been pretty scary, suddenly showing up in the Devildom like that. At first he didn't care about your struggle, but now...

And he remembers how he felt when Belphie was gone. It's sort of the other way around for you, but he can still relate to your sadness.

He hopes you don't mind food therapy, because Beel's compiled a list of your favorite foods, and he's determined to cheer you up by making your favorite meals everyday.

And then he asks you for your favorite meals from home, and enlists the help of his brothers to bring that taste of home to your dinner plate.

"You can always stay with me and Belphie when you get lonely. I don't know if we'll be anything like your family back at home, but... We can still keep you company, too."

Belphie

Belphie may act like a brat that doesn't like to be bothered by his brothers, but if there's anyone that needs to spend time with them, it's him.

Yeah, after the whole attic thing, he's been especially close to his family. And we all know how he gets with Beel, so being completely isolated in a strange place for an entire year wouldn't do him any good.

And he might be a bastard toward you, but he's not heartless. He doesn't like seeing you mope around all the time. Nosy MC that sticks their nose into everything is his favorite, so cheer up already.

Nap therapy doesn't seem that effective since you tend to dream about your family too, so he's gotta try a different approach. He has to use his... *gag* his heart... 🤢

"What would your family think if they saw that face you were making? When you really miss them, you know you can come to me, right? Why don't you tell me about them? I'll try not to fall asleep."

[moon-stars01]

♋️Gemini Season♋️

Hoshi x Reader

A:custardized

Summary: The list of things you find terrifying is short. Kwon Soonyoung is at the top of that list, underlined, italicized, and in bold.

G: humor,au collage/university

R: teen and up audience

(Gemini Season)

You’re not scared of many things. You don’t believe in ghosts, you know yourself well enough to not fear failure (too much), and you’re okay with being alone. It’s cool.

But Kwon Soonyoung scares the shit out of you.

Yeah, Kwon Soonyoung from the performing arts department. Kwon Soonyoung with his round cheeks and bright smile and cheery nature. Kwon Soonyoung, captain of the school’s esteemed dance troupe. Kwon Soonyoung, friends with everyone. That Kwon Soonyoung.

“Which part of him is scary?” your friend asks you over lunch when you confess your fear. “There’s literally nothing to be afraid of.”

“There’s everything to be afraid of,” you reply, taking a bite out of your croissant sandwich. “Doesn’t he intimidate you?”

“No?”

“Yes?”

“No,” your friend says. “Have you seen his face? That’s... a baby.”

“A scary baby.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

You know you aren’t being ridiculous. Kwon Soonyoung is terrifying and you know it. You don’t think it’s a mood thing, either. On all days you’ve seen him, it’s like a weird shadow of terror looms behind him, and you don’t like it. It makes you uncomfortable.

You’re beginning to think he doesn’t like you. He says hi, gives you high fives, but it’s like his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. You don’t know each other very well. Did you do something wrong?

The only real close encounter you’ve had with him involved being backstage at one of the troupe’s competitions. You had gone to support another friend—Wen Junhui, your favorite buddy for midnight snack runs, though that’s a story for another day—when you had come across Soonyoung alone backstage, emitting an aura that had shaken you to the core. He hadn’t been mean—Kwon Soonyoung is terrifying, but he isn’t mean—but when his head had snapped up when he heard you walking and your eyes met there had been something you’d never seen before.

It hadn’t been stage makeup, since he wasn’t wearing any yet. But there was just something so intense and so frightening in his gaze, as if he was ready to snap at you for intruding on his private meditating time (or whatever that was), and though his expression had relaxed after seeing who you were, it’s like his sharp eyes are tattooed to your brain.

You can’t meet his eyes. You’re afraid of him looking at you like that again.

For the most part, you avoid him. It’s not very difficult considering you’re from different departments, but it’s the fact that you have so many common friends that makes it awkward. You make sure never to sit next to him or interact outside of curt greetings. You had been late to a dinner once and the only free space was next to him, and you’d never been more quiet in your life. To your surprise, he had been quiet too. (You miss the quiet looks your friends send each other that evening.)

So when Kwon Soonyoung corners you by the gym at school, you almost faint.

“Hey,” he says, and it’s not the usual ‘hey’ in the hallway that you can return with a grimace and a half-hearted wave. Soonyoung’s cheeks are puffed up as he presses his lips together in an awkward smile, hands in his jacket pockets, stretching the material more than he probably should. His eyes dart around for a few moments before finally settling on your face, and you try your best to smile.

“Hey,” you say, and despite it being only a single syllable your voice manages to crack. Nailed it.

“I, uh.” It’s out of character for Soonyoung to be this nervous, but that’s what he seems to be. He’s wringing his hands around in his pockets and he can’t seem to look at you, and it’s the least intimidating you’ve ever seen him. Probably. “Uh, I’m…”

“You’re Soonyoung,” you whisper, despite yourself, half-hoping he doesn’t hear you.

He cracks a grin and his cheeks are glowing. There’s a laugh that escapes his lips and you find yourself smiling. “Yeah, I’m Soonyoung,” he says, and he seems markedly more relaxed. “I… hey, if there’s… something I did wrong, I’m sorry.”

Sorry? For what?

“I… uh… what?”

“We aren’t exactly friends,” he winces. “But… when we interact, it’s like I did something to offend you. Listen, I’m willing to hear what I did wrong—“

“You didn’t do anything wrong!” you clarify. “You just scare the crap out of me.”

And Soonyoung’s jaw drops.

“What?”

Oops.

“I—well you’ve never done anything to offend me, hurt my feelings, whatever—but do you remember that last inter-school dance thing you guys did? When I saw you backstage and you looked at me all of a sudden and you were SO scary, and what’s worse is that you didn’t narrow your eyes because your eyesight is great so it isn’t a matter of astigmatism or something, so maybe I did something wrong, so I should be saying sorry—“

“Oh,” Soonyoung says blandly. “That’s… hey, no. I was just in competition mode, you know?”

“I don’t,” you huff. “And, and, and, it’s always like there’s something… like a hidden scary side to you, you know? Like for some reason I do one thing wrong and you’re gonna snap at me, even though I’m not even part of your dance troupe or department or—it’s not even raising your voice or anything I’ve never heard you raise your voice—it’s just… you’re so scary.”

And Soonyoung laughs. Straight out guffaws. You’ve just admitted that he’s the scariest thing you’ve ever seen and he laughs. The nerve.

“Cute,” he says.

“What? No,” you shake your head. “Kwon Soonyoung, you scare the shit out of me.”

“You know Joshua told me?” Soonyoung whistles, posture a little more laid back, hands still in pockets. “I have five gemini placements.”

Oh.

“Oh,” you say. “That explains it.”

“I don’t actually know what that means,” Soonyoung admits. “But if you say it explains it, then it explains it.”

“It means you’re you,” you say quietly. “And you’re still scary, but not for no reason.”

“Cool,” he smiles. “I wouldn’t want the person I liked to be scared of me, especially for no reason.”

“… What?”

[mmikmmik2]

If you were to sort the Infinity Train cast(s) into the Major Arcana a la the Persona games, which Arcana would you give everyone?

anon I had SOOOOO much fun thinking about this, thank you so much for sending me this. I sorted all the major characters, plus a few other entries, based on a mix of Arcana symbolism, Persona series character archetypes, and general vibes. I came up with answers I feel pretty good about for all but four of the Arcana. (Was really tempted to say Strength is every human character who doesn't board the train because they can handle their problems on their own lol.) This is going to be a long-winded post, so I thought I’d post just the list as an image (which hopefully won’t be too blurry!) rather than wrestle with Tumblr formatting trying to make a short list, and put a big text wall under the readmore talking more about my picks.

If this list does end up illegible, the same info is under the readmore as text! Plus some characters for Magician, Strength, Justice, and Death that I didn’t want to add to the “official” list because they’re more based on headcanon. (Although my reasoning for some of the “official” picks is pretty weak lol.)

One-One as 0. The Fool

Oh my gosh, what am I?

IT is great at fleshing out character backstories and families, so One-One at the beginning of S1 is one of the few characters who really feels like a blank slate. He's got a lot of his baggage back by the end of the season, and I think One and One-One are more similar than they seem at first glance, but S1 does seem to have been very formative for One-One and how he thinks about what he's supposed to be doing and how he relates to other people. So it does kind of feel like his fool's journey.

Alrick Timmens as I. The Magician

The magician begins the journey... by beefing it on a dirt bike, dying, and sending his wife flying off the deep end. Rip.

Alrick was an engineer like Amelia, so I could see him suiting some of the themes of the Magician, like conscious thought and manifesting ideas. His apparent playfulness and insecurity are similar to the Magician characters in Persona.

Kez as II. The High Priestess

“We can’t make this decision for you, Kez.” “You know what to do.”

I thought really hard about making Kez the Magician because just like every Magician since Persona 3, she's dumb, horny, and insecure dlkjasfdkl

(and also her showing up at the start of the story arc and being helpful but also super needy is very Magician)

But the idea of "intuition" really does suit Kez. Sometimes her intuition is as bad as her conscious reasoning, but I think that's a lot because she's so confused about what happened with Jeremy, and Morgan making Kez feel like she did a bad thing by helping him.

Tuba as III. The Empress

She made me feel like I was warm all the time.

Tuba's a mom. Sorry, this one's not that deep, haha.

Simon Laurent as IV. The Emperor

Highest number! I'm the leader now.

Simon has a lot of issues, but the one that felt the most prominent to me was his unhealthy relationship with power, authority, dominance, and rules. Another quote I considered using here was what he said in Grace's memory of meeting Amelia: "I never thought I'd get to see the Conductor with my own eyes. He's perfect! Everything finally makes sense again." In his emotional crisis, he thought everything could be fixed just by the existence of a huge, scary, powerful, male authority figure, even if they weren't doing anything helpful or informative.

Atticus as V. The Hierophant

I like to think that our stones are sturdy and handsome, like the Corgis that crafted them.

Atticus is a figure of traditional authority who deeply loves the history, society, and culture of his people. He often provides spiritual wisdom and encourages Tulip to get out of her own head and engage with the world around her. Also in Persona, Hiero is the Dad Arcana so it's very funny to me (a) to make the little dog be Hiero and (b) that the little dog really does have the strongest Wholesome Dad Energy of the whole cast.

Jesse Cosay as VI. The Lovers

Don't tell me what to do. I'm not going to be a part of anything like this, on or off the train.

This was my first and easiest pick lol, Jesse is sooooo Lovers. Like, the focus on choice and personal values and relationships? Yep, that's Jesse. It works on an "actual meaning of the Arcana" level and a "vibes with the Persona characters" level lol... popular, upbeat, and having such an identity crisis.

Lake as VII. The Chariot

I'm my own person, who is getting off this train!

I don't know if Chariot captures all the ways Lake grew over the course of S2, but I feel like they had the most externally focused conflict of all the IT characters, which suits Chariot. They've been fighting to stake out their personhood from start to finish, and they took action and used their willpower to achieve that goal. Also they have at least a little jock energy which is a prereq for Chariot tbh.

Frank as VIII. Strength

I dunno, I kinda imagine him as a simple man and easily underestimated, but with a lot of heart. The Cat may say they're keeping things casual but I don't think she'd take him with her on her private vacation unless he had some kind of inner toughness that would let him stand toe-to-toe with her.

Morgan as IX. The Hermit

I need to be alone right now. Kez... maybe... we can talk later.

I like that Morgan embodies toxic self-isolation and stonewalling and rejection, but that she seems to be moving towards the positive aspects of Hermit and taking some time to calm down and process and think. I like it when characters can embody the best and worst of their Arcana.

Tulip Olsen as X. The Wheel of Fortune

We have to adapt to the changes in our lives. It's the only way things can get better.

Tulip has a lot of themes and conflicts, but this one is a clear standout as the most important. I also like it for Tulip because, while she has to handle a lot of difficult and even traumatic situations, some of the change that challenges her isn't as unambiguously bad as e.g. the death of a loved one. It really is just change itself she's struggling with, and that's Fortune babey. Also, from the perspective of the train itself and lots of other characters, by reversing Amelia and One-One's positions again and changing how One-One administrates the train, Tulip is the one giving the wheel a spin. That's fun.

Lucy as XI. Justice

One of my friends once described the Justice characters in Persona as "the ones the player character is ultimately accountable towards", and I like to think of Lucy as kind of being that for Grace (...since Hazel has excused herself). Lucy is the Apex kid we see Grace interact with the most, the first Apex kid Grace admitted to herself that she had harmed (see Grace very briefly showing distress and then regret when Jesse points the harpoons at his face and she stops him), and the first person to confront Grace when she came home in The New Apex.

Min-Gi Park as XII. The Hanged Man

I don't know if we'll sell a single album, but we'll figure that out as we go.

Min-Gi sacrifices his "realistic", "sensible" goals for a more personally (spiritually, even?) enriching life that's beyond his control and outside of the expected norm. Like the Hanged Man, who dangles foolishly upside-down, but as a deliberate choice and in a state of serenity and enlightenment. I also think this arcana suits a reading of Min-Gi's character development as starting off going slower as a way to stall and live in denial, but then going slower with deliberation. Compare his arrogant insistence on refusing to act in The Astro Queue Car to his patience and care in The Castle Car and The Train to Nowhere.

Jeremy as XIII. Death

This isn't about the death of his family - I'm thinking of his reluctance to admit his number was going down. He cared about Morgan and Kez, and it's possible both that he may have really wanted to stay with them despite his exit and that that might even have been a healthy choice - they're real ass people with feelings and everything, not holodeck characters. But I also think Jeremy was using his life with them to avoid moving on out of that fog (because it was hard and it hurt and he didn't want to think about what that would mean for him and Morgan) and Morgan was enabling him.

Ryan Akagi as XIV. Temperance

Maybe the experience is the point. I wasn't just rushing you. I was rushing myself.

I think this one speaks for itself. Also, the other quote I considered putting here, from The Art Gallery Car: "You told me I can't appreciate the song without taking in the rest of the album. I need the whole package."

The Cat as XV. The Devil

I always do the right thing.

Honestly, this is one I really wasn't sure about. The Cat isn't a great pick for a lot of the meanings of Devil. She is definitely consumed by material comforts, and the short-term rewards of ignoring her issues at a long-term cost, though. This is more of a "vibes with Persona characters with this arcana" pick... Devil characters tend to start off being somewhat exploitative or even antagonistic towards the player character, and gradually showing a more conflicted and genuine side.

Amelia Hughes as XVI. The Tower

There's a hole in the universe where Alrick used to be.

Amelia's life is defined by catastrophe and upheaval - both those she's suffered and those she's inflicted on others.

Hazel as XVII. The Star

I'm going to keep loving you like you're still here.

When I think of "The Star" as a small but inextinguishable light in the darkness, Hazel seems like the obvious choice. Although we left her deeply wounded, I think she still has a flicker of her hope, faith, and purpose.

Grace Monroe as XVIII. The Moon

But it's unfair for me to tell you how to understand yourself. I mean, I don't even fully understand me.

Grace is probably the most complex and dynamic character on the show and hence one of the most difficult to place. I considered Empress, Strength, Devil, and Judgement for her... I think ultimately, lies and illusions are the most unifying theme of her character arc. Also, from a Persona angle, her pursuit of status out of a lack of true self-worth reminds me of Ai and Mishima.

Alan Dracula as XIX. The Sun

Brought together by the majesty of a superpowered deer!

I'm sorry dkjasfklads this is largely because I thought it was funny to have this completely inexpressive dead-eyed deer as Sun akfk but also... like... it kind of works okay!!! Think about the genuine joy and comfort and positivity he brings to Lake and Jesse (and me)!

The New Apex as XX. Judgement

"Then what are we gonna be?" "Guess we'll have to figure it out?"

This is kind of a Persona mythology gag again because of Judgement being a group social link near the end of the narratives of P3 and P4, when the protagonists have pierced through the lies and actually figured out who the villain of their game is and are ready to really start making progress.

0 as XI. The World

Ah, train does it again!

It's an ending and the completion of a journey, but also the beginning of a new one. And the world is literally what the passengers receive at the end of their train journey. Welcome home.

[merakiui]

C6?? wow, that's so impressive ヘ（。□°）ヘ ... i hope to be luckier with constellations on the future... and yeahh go get the c3!!

someday...standard banner pulls are hard to get (٥↼_↼) let's hope we will get some sort of rate up in the future for the starter characters.... (omg c2 amber...lucky...:heart_eyes:)

that childe-lasagna comparison made me chuckle, but you're right;; he's such a scary character because of all these layers...

ahaha, i guess we all have our own gemstones troubles <//3

ahhh that's definitely fair!! that kind of chr isnt really my type, but i like how smooth and classy he is. ive seen bits of informations about him, and his benevolent 'facade' and what not... it's gonna be a pleasure to interact with him (☆▽☆) (i did not know about the eel henchmen though omg???)

lol since i tend to be a "love at first sight" kind of person, it just made my love for him stronger; i like that he doesn't mind speaking his thoughts, even if he ends up insulting others and that he stands up for himself (๑♡⌓♡๑) im totally gonna consume and make content of him..

i bet it will be!! and hehe i'm definitely gonna try my best to make it look pretty for you to enjoy!!

thank you omg!!!!! you have extremely good taste too!! ^^ heartslabyul's just so cool, and i don't know much about the octavinelle dorm, but the characters there are apparently really intelligent, and i can't wait to see more about them..

nooo i haven't, but ive heard of it, and it seems short enough that im planning on binging it to give you my thoughts on it, since you recommend it!! (◕ᴗ◕✿) ahh i feel the same. actually he totally reminded me of scaramouche. that's the kind of thing that makes my brain go :D and all the little lights in there are all turning on. and thank you!! i'll probably be working on that fic to start improving my writing (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

omg there is a mafumafu nendoroid too? in missing out on soooo much TT i hope we'll both be luckier in getting these later....

(i get it!! the savanaclaw students dont really pique my interest, but leona looks cool enough!! and they're really cozy/calming places, mostro lounge is also one of my favorites :P i assume ramshackle dorm will get a lil fix-up, and i feel like it's gonna climb in my list! i was surprised the first time i saw the name, too, cause my player name is ram haha)

by the way, do you have thoughts about good old grim?

Ningguang’s c6 was the result of wishing on Childe’s and Xiao’s banners! I hope to build her one day! Good luck with getting constellations! I’m sure you’ll get lucky soon!

Omg it would be so nice to get the starter characters’ constellations with ease. orz If only it wasn’t so difficult. Amber’s c2 is really useful, though! I like being able to explode her Baron Bunny when I hit its feet! It’s really fun.

Azul and the Leech brothers are slowly growing on me!! They’re really interesting and I like how Floyd and Jade complement each other. Although it makes sense since they’re twins hehe. They’re really tall, too. :O But I like their personalities and the aesthetic of their dorm a lot!! Floyd is perfect yandere material.

Ace has such a strong personality! I like the fact that he will freely speak his mind, even if it gets him in trouble. When he’s paired with Deuce, their chemistry is so funny. I can see why you like him! Even if some of his words can come across as mean, he seems genuine and very fun to be around.

Hehe!! >:D our taste in the dorms is too good! As much as I love all of the dorms and how unique they are, Heartslabyul just hits different. But it makes sense that I’d enjoy it so much because I like Alice in Wonderland. ^0^ and I’m excited to meet the Octavinelle trio! I wonder what will be in store for the mc, Grim, and Adeuce…

Omg if you do watch it, please tell me if you enjoy it! I found it to be a very silly, yet enjoyable anime. Everyone sparkles in it!! They’re very colorful and bright.

Riddle and Scaramouche… They are both unbearable yans, but I think Scaramouche would be a little more unbearable than Riddle. Although they’re both scary and overbearing in their own ways! Omg keep me updated on how the fic is coming along!! I’d love to read it if you ever post it anywhere. ( ´ ▽ ` )

Yes!! I forgot when exactly the pre-order sale was, but as soon as I heard of it I ordered so fast. My pay had come in for that time period, too, so it really worked out. T_T Mafu in nendoroid form is too precious! I hope other utaite will get nendoroids as well! I’d love to have a Soraru nendoroid to complete the unit. <3 Hopefully you can get Mafu one of these days!!!!

(The Savanaclaw dorm has a neat atmosphere. Leona’s character interests me! I’m currently on book two, so I’m really getting to know him now. And of course I like Ruggie and Jack! It’s hard to dislike any of the characters. T-T I love all of them. Omg and the Mostro Lounge!! I would visit often if it was a real place. The design is just so pretty! And the Ramshackle Dorm has the potential to be very cozy once it’s properly fixed up!)

Grim thoughts!!! Even though he gets the mc into all sorts of trouble, he’s very likable. I’m happy he accompanies us and is living with us in the dorm. I feel like it’s good to have a friendly company when you’re trying to find your way in a new place. ( ˘ω˘ ) Also, he’s the type to accept food bribes so if one of the yans needed to separate the two of you all they’d really need to do is give him enough tuna and other good foods and he’s off to have his feast and then a nap! I think he would feel a little worry for the darling if he had any suspicions about their relationship with the yan or if the yan was stalking them, but he probably wouldn’t think much of it and would move on if it didn’t seem significant. ^^;;; But what are your thoughts on Grim?

[cosleia]

I (29M) want my boyfriend (34, scary) to treat me as well as he treats his cat. AITA?

(kylux, ~900 words)

My (29M) boyfriend (34, scary) treats his cat (3F) better than he treats me. He has many affectionate nicknames for her, but all he calls me is "idiot" and "beast". She gets all his attention when we're at home. She's the one who gets to curl up in his lap. He makes special food for her and sometimes even feeds her by hand. He never raises his voice to her. Meanwhile, he is always yelling at me, even in bed (though that isn't ALWAYS bad).

When I told him I want to be treated like a cat, he laughed at me. AITA?

~ My (34M) work acquaintance (29M) frequently makes unreasonable demands of me. He leaves his things in my chambers, he accosts me any time we are alone, and he falls asleep rather than leaving once our business is concluded. Why I have not put a stop to this is beyond me.

I have humoured him, but today he made a request that has me utterly baffled. The interaction has weighed on my mind ever since. "I want to be a cat," I believe are the words he used.

Naturally, I laughed. I expected he would storm off and terrorize a subordinate as usual. Instead, however, he seemed to crumble, as though he were delicate and fragile rather than the great beast that he is. I have not been able to put his sorrowful face out of my mind.

I am most certainly not the asshole, but I would appreciate reassurance to that effect.

~

UPDATE: Thanks to everyone who responded with helpful comments. To the asshole who asked if my kitty litter needs to be changed, fuck off.

I was going to try to be more specific, like many of you suggested, but we haven't been alone since he laughed at me. He hasn't come back to our quarters, and every time I go to his office, a member of his staff is always there. I can usually scare them away, but now they all refuse to leave. They just stand there, shaking. He must have threatened them.

I think he hates me now.

~

As evidenced by the replies to my previous post, this forum is bereft of reasonable advice, but I am at a loss. Since the strange incident in which my work acquaintance responded unexpectedly, I have done my best to avoid any encounters that might produce the same result. Unfortunately, as I am lacking enough evidence to form a conclusion about what occurred, the best strategy I could conceive of was avoidance.

So far, I have successfully managed to keep my distance, but I can't imagine I will be able to maintain this separation for long. Not only do we work closely together, but I am finding myself uncomfortable with this state of affairs. I have grown accustomed to a certain standard of living, and that standard includes frequent contact with my work acquaintance.

Nothing's the same without him.

~

UPDATE!!!! I don't know what happened but my boyfriend and I made up!!! I was standing alone at a viewport looking at the stars and thinking about the incomprehensible nature of the vast universe when he suddenly came in and marched right up and stood next to me! I didn't say anything because I was so surprised, but then he didn't say anything either, so I started getting mad. I asked him why he was there. He wouldn't look at me, which was totally weird, because he's the type to look you right in the eye no matter what. Then he finally said something like "Please tell me why you wish to be a cat. I promise I won't laugh." That was a weird way to say it but I told him all the stuff I want, like you all suggested. He actually looked at me then and I got embarrassed. But he was like "Oh." And then he smiled! He's really pretty so I kissed him. He kissed me back! And then we did some other stuff that's probably TMI.

But the best part is, he came home and let me lie with my head in his lap and he petted my hair!!! It was so good!!

So that's what happened! Thanks to everyone for sticking with me. If anybody ever needs advice about hand-to-hand fighting or embracing the Dark Side of the Force, lmk!

~

Well, as some of you rightly surmised, the man about whom I have been posting is rather more than a work acquaintance. It is difficult for me to reveal this sort of personal information about myself. I must also admit that I did not realize the truth of it until recently.

I spoke with him and it was a great relief. As it happens, he did not mean he wished to be transformed into a feline, though if you knew anything about this man's arcane mysticism you would understand why I might come to that conclusion. His true desires are far simpler. For posterity and to bring this matter to its conclusion, I include here a sampling of the list of requests he gave me:

Affectionate nicknames (I have chosen "darling")

Petting his hair

Addressing him gently and kindly

Feeding him by hand

Holding him

Acquiescing to these requests has turned out not to be any sort of hardship at all. In fact, it has only added to the depth of pleasure my standard of living brings me.

I am pleased to have the opportunity to share this exemplary model of behavior and to enrich your lives with the record of this experience.