#'should the characters feel more real by now? am i as funny as i think i am? do i have the courage to take the swings i need to?

[paper-cuts-and-fresh-bruises]

So I thought I'd make a post on this as it's been a minute since the season 3 trailer dropped and what I'll be talking about was something that was making the rounds and I thought I'd say something when the craze had died down; but amongst the various topics of conversation, weirdly Colin's virginity seems to have come up, along with the general nature of his sexual experience. So be warned I'm going to be referring to spoilers at points from what's been posted by others on here and on Reddit, I'll leave a gap between this paragraph and the next so there you go, read at your own discretion. (note: post may be long, whoops)

So even if you've remained away from spoilers and seen only the trailer and other official promo stuff, it's clear that Colin has returned from his travel's more experienced this time in more ways than one, namely it is clear that he has been deflowered (kind of hate this term but I couldn't think of something else), and beyond that he's then also become particularly experienced in the bedroom and in the ways of charming women and such. I've seen some people say that they wished he'd still been a virgin more so because they would've found the dynamic of both him and Penelope being virgins something interesting to see as a shift from dynamics of previous seasons, and whilst I don't necessarily hate that, what's disturbed me is the way other people have had such a visceral reaction to Colin having any involvement with any other woman ever and getting ridiculously angry; which is funny when really they should be seen as interesting points of character development. In episode 1 of season 3 he returns home obviously looking as he does now and there's the whole sequence of the dropped glove that he picks up and kisses the hand of the lady in question it belongs to, Colin has returned feeling he has a solid sense of himself but also thinks himself untethered to the necessity of connection in order to engage in sex or even just flirtation, but this is important as the season progresses. In episode 2 from what I've read, he visits a brothel in which he pays for the services of a woman who works there, everything goes fine, I don't know exactly how much we will see of that encounter but it'll probably be enough; also to note, the source of this information stated very clearly that this interaction and a following one in episode 4 do not bear significance or even compare on what we will get with Polin in terms of an array of content that this season delivers.

Speaking of episode 4, reportedly he goes again but this time he's unable to engage as well as he did before and without a doubt this is due to Penelope. Additionally, this is an interesting look at sex in terms of it just being for gratification, and sex in terms of connection, a means to an end versus an act of love. In previous seasons, the depiction of brothels/sex work establishments doesn't really bear the same importance plot wise (side note I am not nor should you go shaming these people in that line of work as it's one that deserved respect like any other, it is simply functioning as a part of the conversation here), unlike here where I think that it's really important as it show's Colin's inner need for connection in order for it to work, because when he was away he probably had no issues getting his kicks because he convinced himself this felt right and back home would be no different, but that only lasts briefly and why you may ask? because the friend who he'd left and returned to transforms from a woman only in name to a woman in fully realised form, from a wallflower into an Emerald, and this kicks into gear the real maturity he needed to gain, realising from not just her appearance but the other qualities she possesses and the ways in which he is both attached and attracted to her, that she is who he has truly loved this whole time, he just needed to get out of his own head. It should also be pointed out that in the show, Colin has always drifted with finding himself let alone sorting out his feelings, so it is highly likely whilst he was technically violating polite society rules with his interactions with Penelope and this should've fired something off in his brain, that it caused him instead to think this is simply something that someone does with a friend they value highly versus being a by-product of his underlying feelings that he has with no one else. And as such, whereas Penelope was the one pining before, now he will be the one doing so and he's no longer on the pedestal he was previously so they'll be on even ground to start something real.

On a quick note, this is a friends to lovers ship but I want to make it clear, especially with men and women dynamics, that not all friends are going to have this trajectory whether we're talking about characters or irl people; friends to lovers tropes should be understood as two people who's connection starts with friendship and there's always a sense it could be something more whether or not both parties are consciously aware and it's to do with how they explore that, and is NOT in any way the case that these friends can somehow never be just friends with a strong connection, case and point Penelope and Morgan from Criminal Minds, close friends and nothing more and they're great.

Something also to say is that the obsession with Colin's sexual experience is just as bad as they way women are treated for their sexual experience, it creates this weird value and attributes a weird rating system of respect to something that's not our business, as well as fetishizing what people do or don't do with their bodies and making assumptions about their activities, so you know maybe we should agree to not do that. Beyond that, how about we actually watch what happens instead of spiralling out of control about this stuff. Also, if I see anyone who aren't fans of this ship to begin with, just leave, you're wasting energy on something that you literally don't need to be, do what the rest of us do and exit out and invest your time in what you actually enjoy instead of festering hate.

[afniel]

AH I REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY EARLIER but it's kind of stupid, lmao.

So my partner is getting into brewing beer and I got them a Tilt, which is a Bluetooth hydrometer. It measures specific gravity and temperature, which are things you want to know so that you don't kill your yeast or whatever. Except the sensor's Bluetooth range is super short, and it basically runs via a phone app, and the temperature we're logging currently is the crawlspace, accessible via the staircase closet. So they were like, wait, what do we do about this, because I can't leave my phone in the closet, that's my alarm clock.

In a kind of ridiculous turn of life imitating art, I was like, hold up, I got just the thing right at my desk. Bam. Old phone. We just needed to scrounge up a charger because the battery is so dead that after charging just enough to power on it claimed it was at 53% (to be fair to it, there is a very real chance that it's correct, and it just holds no charge at this point so the capacity is just THAT low) and now it lives in the closet logging sensor data.

And I was like, you know...didn't I just solve a major story detail with a much larger version of this...yeah, no, this is all vaguely familiar somehow, power supply issues and all. Kind of cool that the concept works though. Kind of weird that it came up at all?

We are not gonna talk about the fact that I still have at least two more ancient-ass phones in a drawer where that came from because look, man, sometimes you just need a camera/mic/mini computer with Bluetooth and wifi that fits in a pocket, and people just get rid of these things, but not me. I actually could build a shitty security system out of them if I was reaaaally inclined. I mean. I'm not. But it's technically possible.

For real though, If I pick up any stupid maker projects I still high-key am thinking about slapping Bluetooth into a necomimi headset and running that through an Arduino and learning to code just enough to let me skip songs/change the volume on Spotify with my brain, because it's entirely doable, and I mean yeah I could do that on my phone remotely too, but that's not funny, now, is it. I'm just not sure it's $350+ of parts funny. Kind of a big investment just to prove the point that haha look I am the extremely ADHD type of lazy where I would rather solve a problem via the most convoluted and complicated Rube-Goldberg type ass machine way possible rather than just perform a single simple action.

YEAH I'VE BEEN THIS SCATTERED ALL DAY AND I REALLY SHOULD GO TO BED SHOULDN'T I. I started playing Satisfactory. Mistakes were made. I'm going to dream about conveyor belts again and I did it to myself...

[storybook-souls]

have spent all weekend holed up in a cabin working on my novel and while it’s been very creatively fulfilling i’m left feeling very very [emotion] about the whole thing overall

[theminecraftbee]

task: answer the following question. do you believe in curses? respond as completely with relevant information as possible.

Grian: Well, that's a lie. This isn't a task. I know it's not a task, I set the things up! Not sure why we're getting a question as pointless as this one, but sure, mysterious scroll, I'll answer. There's no such thing as curses, unless you're Timmy, in which case it's funny, yeah? Besides, I didn't actually kill Etho. Even if that did count, self-fulfilling prophecies aren't the same thing as curses, and I know which one I fall under.

Joel: Do I believe in bloody curses what kind of question is that? Do I really get hearts just for answering this? This feels like a prank or something... well, whatever. There are no such thing as curses, except the Boogeyman curse, which I sort of had today, but it wasn't actually the same at all. A lot of the bloodlust, sure, but a lot more... Etho had to be the one to do it, huh? And it's not the same. Not comforting. That's a stupid thing to say actually. Take it out of wherever you're putting this. Cut it out of the recording. Comforting. Please. As if it were ever... Yeah, I'm done actually. Don't have a good answer. Go away.

Scott: What, other than Jimmy? Bless that man, he may not have died first, but he sure tried his best. Sure, I'll believe Jimmy is cursed. I mean, mostly he's just kind of stupid. Lovingly so. I mean, despite him being stupid, I put up with him, right? That seems like a complete answer to this question. Jimmy's an omen but we put up with him anyway. That's all.

Mumbo: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Pearl: Oh, I mean, I'm probably cursed. That's what everyone liked to say at one point. I think... I mean, I think this time I have good friends, which is nice. They don't think I'm cursed. And it's not like I--I mean, it's surprisingly fun, acting cursed! And I am just acting. Acting scary, blowing up dance floors, all of that. And I don't really have to this time, so... Maybe I'm not cursed? And since it's acting, it's not real? This is a weird question.

Etho: Oh, man, that's a question. Um, do I have to answer? Because I feel like if I say no, that's really just asking for it, but if I say yes, I have to explain myself. Uh, I think I'm abstaining, unless the zombie thing from earlier counts. That was scary and I hated it. Curses are scary and I hate them in general, but apparently I'm good at them, if you ask everyone else. Um, it's not the only thing I find scary that apparently I'm good at.

Scar: Why, of course I believe in curses! Look at poor, poor... Timbert? Timmy? Jim? Gosh, sorry, I'm very tired right now. That's more proof of curses, by the way! That I'm tired. I've been tired straight since the desert, let me tell you what. And that, my friends, is a curse like no other. What a terrible beast, loneliness is. Wish me luck breaking it, because it's not happening this season!

Cleo: Oh, you mean the thing people like to blame instead of their own actions? Nah. My soulbond was kind of a curse, I guess, but even that's at least half just... bad people. Bad relationships. Good ones, too. We're all just doing what you can, you know? No script, no curses, no characters, just... Oh, I hope everything turns out tomorrow. Sorry, that's unrelated. It's just nicer to hope than to preemptively blame things on curses that don't exist.

Impulse: Well, I mean, I didn't until you just asked me that, but now I feel like I should. Wouldn't that be nice? Being cursed instead of just sort of unlovable? Sorry, no, that's mean to Gem. I shouldn't say that about Gem, she's been good this season. Super, super cursed, mind you, in the like, game mechanic sense? But she's been good, no backstabbing or inability to get love involved. Um, and I guess that's not fair to Bdubs, kind of, except it also totally is and I haven't forgiven him. So I guess if they ask I said I believed in curses, and that's why my life keeps circling clocks? Don't put any of that other stuff down, I'm trying to work on that.

Lizzie: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Gem: I was just cursed for a task, but that probably isn't what you're asking about, right? I'm new, so I don't know! A task is a concrete thing to believe in, like bloodshed or victory or fun and games. You don't have to believe in those to know they're real, either! They just are, whether you like it or not. I understand that much!

Tango: Gah, don't talk to me about... Deep breaths. Look, I don't care if it's a curse, or if it's just me being really bad, or what, I'm not going out pointlessly this time. Jimmy managed not to die first, I can manage to not go out to a stray arrow or my own bomb or a misstep this time, right? Is that so much to ask?

Skizz: Huh? Curses? I mean, I don't think so, and to be totally honest I think it's kind of mean the way people sometimes rag on people about them. Everyone's got so many good things about them! Why do people like to focus on the unfortunate luck, huh?

Bdubs: Hah! Curses! Let me tell you about curses. When I see curses, I eat them for breakfast. I don't got curses, I've got better things to do! I've got my buddies with the Mounders, and I've got-well, I'd say keeping Etho safe, but he's being weird at me again this season. Not that it matters. It never matters. Etho and I, we're... The point is, that doesn't matter anyway, because I have the Mounders, and they're the ones who matter here. And because I'm a strong, independent Bdubs, who doesn't need anyone but my bow and my perfect, flawless fighting prowess! Sorry, what was the question? I've been thinking so much lately that it's just sort of made everything else pop out of my head, so it's hard to keep track. I'm sure I answered it flawlessly, though.

Martyn: Of course there are curses. That's half the fun for you lot, isn't it? Putting your little curses on us and watching us rail against them. Bet you think it's real cute to ask us what we think of the things, too. "Oh, what do you think of curses," like we have any control over them. Please. If I had any control over curses, Jimmy--or, well, no, I guess that one was technically broken, wasn't it? Sure doesn't feel like it. Point is, curses are bad, and they're definitely real, and I hate you for them, got it?

BigB: Look, man, if you're trying to get me to write my character out for you, just say so! I won't tell anyone. We can come up with a hole thing about holes and red tasks and the Backrooms together! It'll be fun! After all, you probably don't know what kind of curse to say I have, right? Haha, just kidding. I have no idea what I'm talking about. Luckily, neither does anyone else, so I think that evens out between the lot of us.

Jimmy: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

[kalims]

‎˃ ᵕ ˂ . . "I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this."

paper rings,

premise. there's nothing more memorable with a paper ring and a promise.

characters. all dorms.

includes. gn!reader

cw. topic of marriage.

note. you know those ring pops? yeah, those but paper rings.. I am listening to taylor swift right now so basically mc is proposing

heartslabyul

in a very flabbergasted way he's less than proud to admit. riddle isn't able to do anything other than stare dumbly at the item you're offering so casually, awfully aware of the steaming warmth on his cheeks and frantic beating of his heart. his throat feels awfully empty from the way he can't even say a thing from how shocked he was. there's practically steam flushing out of his ears when he looks away and scolds you for being way too early. (maybe he's implying that it might be better for a later occasion.)

trey hasn't exactly pondered on the topic of marriage a lot. why would he? he's living a pretty good life. surrounded by his close circle, being able to excel and enjoy the thing he loves, having a decent academic standing. what more could he wish for? apparently marriage. just the notion had him whipping up deserts in his head, specifically for a wedding and he's suprised at how serious he's being at it. even his parents are getting a shock from how he insists to do the wedding cake commissions himself for some 'practice' he says.

receiving the shock of the year certainly doesn't come by a lot but cater supposes he can't exactly avoid the thing forever. consider this the most shocking he's ever gotten because you'd know from his frozen face and the smile that dropped into an open gape. right after he breaks into this goofy grin before giggling somehow ominously. you should expect cater to basically advertise your proposal, posting it all around social media with barely container excitement. you'd think he'd throw it away after he's done taking pictures but he's hidden it deeply in his closet.

ace trapolla ponders on whether he should just slap your hand away like when he'd probably do but for once he's silent. staring at the ring with such intensity that you took the initiative to joke about his out of character face. so, ace huffs and playfully rolls his eyes at you. to be honest, his usual self would definitely push your hand away because he thinks it's a joke and it's funny but the thing is. it's not. oddly enough, it's somehow serious to him and he literally hates it! stop making it serious to him he's gonna contradict himself after making disgusted faces to couples.

he had never felt such honor before. sure, deuce is pretty flustered. face tinted in pink but he's feeling like he just recieved a medal right now.. so proud would be a better word to describe his feelings. deuce just watches you slip the ring into his finger after he had nodded slowly. you don't know if you should be concerned or laugh at the way he never took his eyes off it. speaking of his eyes, they could be comically quiet sparkles in it from how amazed and proud he seemed.

savanaclaw

compared to leona, ace's stares is like a cat to a well.. lion. leona just stares at you pointedly, glancing at the ring once and you swear something strange flashed in his eyes for a moment. you aren't given the time to venture too deeply into it as leona had already retreated back to his previous position and seemingly going back to sleep. you just shrug and decide to leave him to it. leona's ears twitch, picking up a rustle of paper in the grass. right behind him then your retreating footsteps. he just lays there, staring at nothing then turning to his back. the ring is over there. and he's currently fighting his inner self whether or not he'll test if you got his finger size right.

ruggie doesn't skip a beat and immediately leans in closer without warning, only to take a real good look at the ring you've made. he whistles and makes a cheeky comment about its just how he liked it. actually, it's true. as much as ruggie liked shiny things this is the little things he prefers and he lowkey just fell in love a little more. so, if you don't mind at all! he'll take the ring to keep to himself. since you did make it for him there shouldn't be any problem. don't worry, if you guys do actually end up getting married there's a chance he'll do it with paper rings. strange as it is.

his face holds a contortion of seriousness and 'seriously?' don't get him wrong. jack is quite stupefied by your gesture, don't you know that rings are often associated with the topic of marriage? you're literally proposing to him and you're doing it so casually?! oh please. in all seriousness actually he'd actually like that but he fears he might accidentally tear the whole thing into shred by accident. it's funny on how such a big, muscular man could treat something like paper so fragile. done like a true tsudere he turns pink, furrows his brows and loud away.

octavinelle

with the growing silence that azul thought of as awkward, he quickly clears his throat in hopes of clearing the.. atmosphere. if it weren't to the wake up call he snapped into, he definitely would've dropped the cup he was holding by his faltered grip. he puts on a smile that was more wobbly than he preferred but he can't really comment on it since it was currently his best. anyhow, he flicks his gaze down the ring and gestures for you to place the ring in his palm. he won't accept it, atleast not now but he will. when he would be able to provide for the two of you for a better life. until then he'd keep it in his safe when he's ready.

there's nothing more in-character for jade than a wide, kind of ominous grin. it's like he's teasing you non-verbally just from his face expressions itself. raising a brow and nudging you, with that grin still present on his face. jade says something about you being too impatient for marriage but he'll gladly adjust to your,,, preference. should he call you his fiance now? yes, the whole time he's been teasing you. not at all phased by your bold proposal. if not, he seems a little too pleased about it.

fully intent on glomping you. floyd wastes no time lurching forward and basically glomping you with a flurry of giggles, looking like he's high on cloud 9. 75% of the time he was just full of giggles as he continuesly stays clingy to you for the past time, and the rest muttering about getting married. don't be suprised if the whole school knew at this point because he kept saying "shrimpy and I are getting married. hehe." a lot and he doesn't even know how loud he actually is being.

scarabia

being the sunshine he is everyone would expect kalim to be the happiest. and he is, you can tell from the brightest perk up he does and the bright, happy grin-smile he does right after. he looks like he can barely contain the happiness from bursting out. unlike any other of the guys, kalim probably thinks of this as a serious thing and doesn't think it's a joke at all. he doesn't even hesitate with accepting the ring and promises he'll make you one himself too. why would he buy you a different, expensive one when you gave him something so priceless?

jamil can't help the furrow on his brows. he probably looks disgruntled and bothered by you right now but it's quite the opposite. him, you're giving him paper rings? to him? it's not that he hates the notion, he thinks it's secretly cute but why him? there's probably a thousand other people wanting to receive one from you but yet you're here offering him a fragment on your love and you already stole his heart. he guesses no amount of ordinary can make you ignore him. it feels like a crushing responsibility to be the one chosen by you but he doesn't feel pressured at all.

pomefiore

in hindsight vil should be offended by your audacity to give him a paper ring out of all things! most people would probably sell their souls to purchase one imbedded with the most expensive kinds of crystals and gems. but he can't help but feel.. he isn't sure, pleasantly suprised? you never fail to dazzle him even if your ring isn't sparkly to compare to him but he does remember his dad speaking about how not everything should be all about the price. sometimes, it's the thought that matters and if your thought was to marry him he'd gladly do.

besides everyone else. rook is the most appreciative by your gesture, he doesn't have a problem practically singing how much enchanted you've made him by this alone. go on prefect, shall you do a play? he'd absolutely rejoice if you went along with him, going on your knees to recreate a real proposal and he'd say it was the most magnifique performance he's proud to ever taken apart of! by morning and day everyone notices how much more joyous he's been, sparing the ring made of paper in his finger that he wears literally every day. but they don't wonder too much, strange and rook in the same sentence fits quite well.

between the entirety of pomefiore, epel certainly has the least graceful reaction, with the loud scream, mind boggled eyes and all. if not for the etiquette lessons rook had drilled into his memories, epel would have taken you for the shoulders and started shaking you frantically, wriggling your brain cells into oblivion. but he just resorted by sparing you his mercy and just keeping his hand curled into a fist by his chest. epel is torn between 'what do you mean by this?!' and a firm 'I do'.

ignihyde

my boy idia's reaction is the most predictable and prominent. when I say predictable, most of the time he's just on the verge of a breakdown at unexceptable things and prominent by the increasingly passionate flame that his now pink (previously blue) has. I mean when is it not pink when mc is involved really? idia is of course, having a crisis because WTF?! that was literally so cute that he's gonna have a cardiac arrest. someone please sedate him... consider idia a fan of paper craft because you started receiving a bunch of origami stuff, ranging from paper flowers to cranes. even ortho is suprised at the sudden motivation to pick up a hobby.

when you told ortho to wait when you forgot something he definitely didn't expect you to come back with a bunch of flowers made out of paper for him! the boy is singing praises for you as he clutches the batch happily. almost like he's cradling a child. you bet ortho is gonna make some sort of artificial liquid to drown the flowers into so that the paper doesn't get worn out or crumpled. he will certainly keep it safe for years!

diasomnia

akin to childish joy. malleus hums pleasantly. he doesn't think that this is a fake or anything at all, though he was sure that he'd be the one to propose first.. oh well, it's a nice thing. you never fail to suprise him child of man. he stares at you with a smile playing upon his lips and crinkled eyes, almost like he is in a trance. do you think he'll tell you that he quite literally just fantasized your future in front of you. (💀) goodluck cause man's obsessed and he's definitely not letting you take anything back. it's final. (no take backs 😡 <- like that)

giggles but atleast it's more mischievous and less ominous than jade's. lilia likes to see what kind of look you'd have on your face if he reacts differently. he's kicking his feet up, giggling and shi'. he acts like he just got serenaded by a high school crush, and you are technically his high school crush. might tease you into fluster instead but it all depends on his mood. it's pretty hard to fluster him you know and before you can do it it'll be the end of the world. (promises you that he'll be the househusband if you do get married and doesn't pay mind to your sweatdropping and horrified look.)

screeching like it's the end of the world. sebek probably woke up the world next to this one from how much bullshit he just started spouting, loudly if i may add. bullshit because everyone knows whatever he's spouting isn't even true and he's just saying it to convince himself.. sebek what do you mean the idea is preposterous? didn't you have a crisis last night because you couldn't sleep with a certain somebody in mind? silver is literally exposing him and sebek is calling him a traitor. he's never gonna vent to silver ever again, period.

to be honest maybe silver actually has the most normal reaction. he's just; oh wow, that's beautiful thanks. then goes back to sleep but this time he's been blessed with a dream of a future with you. he just doesn't spare an over the top reaction and prefers to cherish what he has now. which is what he's currently doing, he loves you and he doesn't want to wish for anything more until you're fully ready.. we love a respectful, consentual man. of course he keeps the ring but so that it won't get in the way of his work

[maxknightley]

Which Touhou Girls Can You Plausibly Read As Butch? A Comprehensive Overview

Earlier on Tumblr I saw a post complaining that someone called Hecatia Lapislazuli from Touhou Project butch. This is Hecatia Lapislazuli:

Obviously, like most Touhou characters, she is in fact quite feminine - she just shops at Hell Hot Topic. But it got me thinking: In a series like Touhou, with a cast overwhelmingly defined by feminine (if rowdy) ladies, how many characters could you say are 'butch' without sounding like a complete doofus or significantly redesigning them to fit your headcanon?

CRITERIA

I'll be using four main criteria to judge characters' butchness. In real life, of course, butchness is a multivalent and extremely personal thing, but I'm talking about funny cartoon women from a video game here, so I'm willing to be a little reductive.

These criteria, in order of descending importance, are:

FASHION. In a series where goddamn near everyone is in either a dress or a skirt, the mere act of Wearing A Dress Shirt can be enough to make a powerful statement. Hats may also play a role here, given how many Touhou characters have gay little hats.

HAIRSTYLE. Short hair is not the be-all and end-all of butchness. I, myself, am Decidedly Butch even though I've been growing out my hair since college. But the length and styling of the hair are still a valuable indicator of how someone thinks of themself and wants to be seen.

'TUDE. Could this character be accurately described as "kind of a frat boy?" How do they speak to others? Do they just kind of seem like a character who ought to be butch, regardless of their looks? Do they even lift?

COMEDY FACTOR. Self-explanatory. This will probably only come into play if I run into a weird edge case.

I'll also emphasize that we're grading on a curve here - butchness is being assessed relative to the characters who do not appear on this list. Nobody in this series has a buzzcut, you know what I mean?

THE TIER LIST

AS CLOSE TO CANON AS WE'LL GET

Fujiwara no Mokou. The girl wears a dress shirt, fucking suspenders, and trousers. Not shorts, actual full-length pants. She's also in a perpetual love-hate mutual-murder situationship with Princess Kaguya, who is femme as all fuck. Obviously you don't have to be butch to date a femme - I'm just saying it feels Fitting given their whole deal.

Yuugi Hoshiguma. Most of the time, her fashion sense is actually quite feminine - but her look in the most recent chapter of Cheating Detective Satori, with the one exposed shoulder and the sarashi and all that, significantly alters the balance. Her hair actually reads as more masc to me when she keeps it long and unruly - when she puts it up in a ponytail, she ends up looking very kempt, even elegant. The deciding factor here is 'Tude: Her sheer levels of butch swag are off the fucking charts. (Still, I wouldn't blame someone for arguing she should be knocked down a tier - especially since I'd argue the Comedy Factor works in reverse here. She's way funnier if she doesn't think of herself as butch in the slightest.)

Minamitsu Murasa. In his original appearance I'd argue that Murasa is in "Reasonable" tier - maybe even as low as "Kind of a Stretch." But her big gay Jotaro jacket in Sunken Fossil World, combined with the emphasis on the weightiness and solidity of his trademark anchor, put her over the top. One of the only Touhou girls I consider worthy of being He/Himmed.

Shinmyoumaru Sukuna. The other He/Him-worthy Touhou girl. Very short, slightly messy hair; wears a kimono, not a dress; inheritor of Issun-Boshi's legacy; wears fucking dinnerware as a hat. Why do you want to be Big so badly, huh? So you can pick up women more easily? So you can carry your awful wife through the upside-down threshold of your upside-down bedroom?

Raiko Horikawa. For the longest time I thought her skirt was a pair of shorts because I straight up could not parse it as anything else. Even now I'm like "that can't possibly be a skirt, ZUN just drew it weird. She has to be wearing a full two-piece suit." Skirt aside, her jacket/dress shirt/necktie are still undeniable, as is her short hair. Also, she is a taiko drum given life, and I feel like taiko and timpanis are naturally butch. Maybe if she was a tambourine or a set of bongos I'd rank her lower?

Momoyo Himemushi. Rough-talking miner. Wears a dress shirt, leaves the top button(?) undone. Tromps around a big weird cave with no shoes or socks on. Wears bows and bangles basically everywhere but in her messy, tangled hair. Also, maybe I'm stereotyping here, but I just can't picture a centipede as being femme.

REASONABLE

Wriggle Nightbug. The dress shirt, cape, and puffy shorts all paint a vivid picture, but I just feel like I don't have a strong enough opinion on Wriggle as a character to put her in the top tier. In other words, she's got plenty of points for Fashion and quite a few for Hairstyle, but I just don't think the 'Tude is sufficient for me.

Reisen Udongein Inaba. The skirts are a strike against her, but her whole "dress shirt + necktie + sometimes suit jacket" thing makes a big difference, especially given that we're grading on a curve. Her rumpled ears and (particularly in Inaba of the Moon, Inaba of the Earth) pathetic demeanor go a long way towards giving her a vibe somewhere between "overworked salaryman" and "Detective Columbo."

Aya Shameimaru. All you need to know about Aya is that her "human reporter" disguise looks like This:

Mononobe no Futo. Butch, but in a really weird, circuitous way, imo. Like. She's sort of wearing a dress, but it's sort of a robe - the contrast of the hemline with her big flowy sleeves makes it hard to pin down - and her outfit quite notably has tassels rather than any kind of frills. I don't know what the hell is up with her hat but it's definitely not femme by any stretch of the imagination. Then thou hast the wayes in which she speaketh all "faux-olde-timey," even though nobody else in the setting does that... she transferred her soul into a plate, but she also throws plates around as weapons... It's like she's constantly putting on a performance that only she truly understands. It's like she reverse-engineered "masculine womanhood" by hanging out with a bunch of queens and doing kind of the same thing but kind of the inverse. The more I think about Futo the more I think she's entirely on her own wavelength, but I think "Reasonable" tier is a... uh, reasonable... approximation for the sake of this post.

Sagume Kishin. She dresses like if Bill Nye were a woman, and I think that cuts to the heart of it - she reminds me of a professor who you're not ever sure is gay, but you kind of pick up on a vibe, and near the end of the semester she offhandedly refers to "her partner" and you're like HOLY SHIT I KNEW IT. I went back and forth between putting her in "Reasonable" and "Kind of a Stretch"; ultimately, the Comedy Factor decided it because I couldn't stop thinking about a scenario where she says she's a woman, accidentally upends her whole understanding of gender in the process, and ends up taking testosterone while still ID'ing as a lesbian. I don't actually know if her powers would work that way and I don't care.

KIND OF A STRETCH

Eiki Shiki. I don't have a lot to go on, here, because she hasn't had many official appearances and seems to spend most of her time lecturing people or tormenting sinners. Her uniform(?)/apothecary outfit(??) is pretty snazzy; combined with the hat, it gives her a vaguely "military officer" look to me. We'll call her "butch pending further investigation," which I think she would agree is the correct course of action.

Sekibanki. She's here partially because of the cape, and partially because being sandwiched between Wakasagihime and Kagerou makes her look way more masc by contrast. I know what I said.

Ringo. It's pretty much just the hat and the pants, though - as a butch woman who Loves Eating - I am also inclined to project my own experiences onto her.

Aunn Komano. She reads as more "tomboyish" than outright "butch" to me, what with her whole puppy-dog vibe, but at the same time... she's very much wearing shorts and the kind of goofy-looking button-up shirt that is central to my own wardrobe and the wardrobe of other butches in my life. I'm willing to count her.

Takane Yamashiro. A living testament to the power of small character design choices. I would never in a million years call Nitori butch, even with her gay little hat and all the pouches on her outfit - she just looks like a girl scout. Takane, though? Takane, with her little hair swoopy, and the fucking suitcase slung over her back, and her camo-print dress? I mean - ultimately it is still a dress, which is why I can't justify scoring her higher, but she's definitely chewing tobacco and riding around on an ATV on weekends.

Chiyari Tenkaijin. If she's butch, it's not really because she's trying to be butch, it's just because being femme seems too expensive and time-consuming. She's got better things to do (drink blood all day). Still, I think an argument could be made.

DEFINITELY A STRETCH, BUT I RESPECT IT

Renko Usami. ZUN is kind of inconsistent with how he draws her hat - sometimes it's more of a porkpie/fedora type thing, other times it's round-topped and looks a bit like Koishi's hat. To me, this is a crucial distinction. In a more general sense, I feel like Renko's outfit gets a little less plausibly-masc with each passing album, which says a lot about our society. Or her society, anyway, since she lives in the future. Still, the capelets and bowties...

Rinnosuke Morichika. I think it would be really funny if the only significant male character in Touhou wasn't actually even a dude. I'm not aware of any real textual support for this interpretation, though.

Shou Toramaru. Pretty much only on here because of the hair and because I think there's a certain je ne sais quoi to her whole deal of "she's not a real tiger, she's the idea of a tiger that pre-Meiji Japanese people came up with from secondhand accounts."

Seija Kijin. Not even remotely butch by any stretch of the imagination... But if she did consider herself butch, isn't that exactly what she'd want you to think?

POTENTIALLY NOTEWORTHY EXCLUSIONS

Cirno. "Tomboyish" is not the same thing as "butch," to me, especially if you exclusively wear dresses. Also, I'm not sure Cirno even knows what a lesbian is.

Saki Kurokoma. Not actually butch, just a horse girl. (And a horsegirl.)

Mike Goutokuji. Can't tell if she's wearing a skirt or shorts. She's got short hair, sure, but the whole "matching bell collar and wristbands that also have bells attached" thing makes her look more like a Very Online Trans Woman who just figured herself out and hasn't started hormones or bought any new clothes yet.

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 少年歌行/The Blood of Youth

The Blood of Youth is a 2022 live-action adaptation of the tale of a deposed, disabled, and incredibly cunty prince who's on his way back to settle the score with his asshole father, and the rag-tag band of weirdos he accumulates along the way, including Spear Girl, Bad Monk, and Fire Puppy (pictured above).

I hope you like shounen anime, because this is the most shounen anime something is allowed to be without actually being based on something running weekly in Shounen Jump. What if Nirvana in Fire were also Naruto? It would be the Blood of Youth.

This show is an underrated gem of action-packed fun that not nearly enough people in English-speaking fandom have seen. In an attempt to correct that -- and ahead of an announced second season and prequel in progress -- I'm here with five reasons you should try it out.

1. Zero thoughts head empty

You do not have to pay an enormous amount of attention to this show to understand what's going on. The show itself does not always know what's going on. It got distracted by a shiny object over there, and now we're all gearing up to go punch the shiny object. We'll get back to the main plot when we're done with the punching.

It has a million billion plot threads going on at any given moment. Bad guys roll in from sects you've never heard of before, using superpowers with stupid names, only to get kicked into next week. There's approximately eleventy thousand characters -- so many, in fact, that I ran into problems several times while making this rec post, because there aren't readily available photos of everyone I want to talk about. Just look at the DramaWiki cast list. See how it goes on for like fifty screens? That's a little what the show feels like.

Except I'm not saying that like it's a bad thing, because the show knows it's doing this, and it acts accordingly. It telegraphs pretty well who's important and who isn't (and then it goes out of its way to color-code the latter, which is handy). What you're left with is absolutely a manga-style plot, complete with training arcs and semi-relevant sidequests, all working up to the final boss match.

It is an extremely self-aware show. On multiple occasions, something would happen, I would crack a joke about it, and then a beat later the show itself would make the exact same joke. I wouldn't call it an outright comedy, but it's still very funny, and on purpose. It has no illusions about being some kind of profound, meaningful epic. Mostly it's just here for a good time.

Yet this lightheartedness is what makes the powerful emotional parts really powerful by contrast. The show is not stupid; it's just goofing around most of the time. When it knuckles down, it can be devastating. And you know what? It does wind up being profound and meaningful about some stuff. How about that.

So yeah, if you're up for something that bops merrily right along and only occasionally rips your heart out, here you go!

2. Putting the poly in polycule

Bisexuals, rejoice! It's representin' time!

Here you go, I made a relationship chart of about 40% of the show's potential and canonical ships. I could have included so many more, but I only had so much space on the image, so I had to leave out some amazing ones, like the sword hedgehog who's real into this one cougar who could easily wipe the floor with him, or the rich nerd who thinks he has a chance with the aforementioned hot butch, or the fancy MILF who cheated on the emperor with a dreamy jianghu man and is trying not to cheat on him again with a different, slightly less dreamy jianghu man. See? There's just so much.

I would also say these are not exclusive ships. They are extremely inclusive ships. I am a fan of most (though admittedly not all) of the pairings listed here, and in fact of many of the three-and-more-somes indicated by these lines. They're such a cuddle puddle of shared intense feelings that it's hard to imagine anyone getting more than mildly jealous. Moreover, the potential for romance does not get in the way of hetero friendships; a boy and a girl who are each dating other people can go do adventures together, and (mostly) nobody gets weird about it, which is nice. If anything, what makes the overall dynamic so polycule-like is how equally friends and love interests get treated, meaning that it's not difficult to see a lot of crossover potential between those two categories.

If you're like me, you're hesitant about canonical romance, especially when it's straight, mostly because so many straight love stories wind up being tiresome, gross, and/or skull-poundingly boring. You will then be pleasantly surprised by how the canon pairings with members of the main cast are not like this at all!

Xiao Se and Sikong Qianluo are the main textual romance, and golly gee, they're just cute as heck. As the chart above indicates, I like interpreting them as two Kinsey 6's who have found their single exceptions, Mulder-and-Scully-style. Maybe one of the best things about their relationship is that it gets sidelined all the time for the plot. They're not so busy being in love that they forget to get shit done. Then they get a bit of downtime and get to go on a date, and you're like, aww, those sweet gay disaster babies are gonna do a little bit of heterosexuality. Just precious.

Tang Lian and Fairy Rui are right up there with the cuteness. She's a sex-positive dancing beauty who wants to ride that pretty boy like she stole him, and he's a shy sword boy so tightly bottled up that he'll explode if he sees a bare ankle. Avoiding spoilers, I will simply say that this is a pairing of two relatively soft people, until a bad thing happens to one of them and the other hardens up about it. If that's your jam, they're here for you.

Lei Wujie and Ye Ruoye are probably the most magical and the most practical of the bunch. They have a beautiful, super-dreamy, really horny sword-dance meet-cute, complete with its own pop song ... and then that's it, they're basically just together. She likes him, he likes her, good for them. In-laws aside, it's a refreshingly low-drama situation. Besides, I always love it when the hypercompetent woman gets the sweet, devoted himbo who'd do anything for her. Ruoye's had a hard life, and she deserves someone who can dick her down good at night and make her a nourishing breakfast the next morning.

And then there is, of course, The Ship:

Xiao Se and Wuxin are canonical, textual soulmates. The show treats their dynamic as more important than any other. It's so important, in fact, that the show has to sideline Wuxin for huge parts of the drama, lest everything get too damn gay. They each get a boyfriend catch on the other. They both do fairly reckless things when the other is in trouble. They are the secret hidden happy ending to the series. They share the kind of ride-or-die relationship built on mutually being the hugest bitches in any given room. Whether or not you think this is romance, it is extremely romantic, and the series agrees as much as it can, all things considered.

And if none of those flavors of love float your boat? Well, have you considered ... eunuchs?

3. She likes e4e

So I'm on record as being real into eunuch characters, right? Well, if you're with me on that, you are in for a treat here, because these are some absolutely buck-wild eunuchs.

There's five main ones, and I can't even begin to scratch the surface of what's going there. Like, really, I don't even think I understood all of what was happening with them. They're kind of the bad guys, but then they're kind of the good guys, but then some of them are the bad guys, but then they're just working for the bad guys, but then they screw over the bad guys, and ... it's just a lot, okay? It's a lot, and it's all happening with this bunch of catty bitches.

Also, you would not believe the difficult time I had finding any images for this section. I guess for some reason, fandom isn't way into a bunch of canonically dickless color-coordinated middle-aged men in weird hats? Whatever, man, they are missing out. If, however, you have the good sense to be into the intense and complicated (semi-romantic??) relationships among colleagues who also professionally just happen to be missing their external genitalia, buddy, strap in (and maybe strap on, depending).

Don't let me oversell how much these guys are in the show. They're not. They're vaguely important at points throughout, and they become incredibly important near the end, but they're hardly main characters. They're mostly back at the palace, doing their various schemes and looking absolutely fantastic.

So if they're such a minor part of the story, why do they get their own selling point? Well, I think their presence is a good example of two specific things about the show:

Specific thing the first: It's so queer -- not gay, but queer. Thinking back to my last selling point, you will notice how many of those straight pairings may look normie on the outside, but once you get down to it are not playing by cishet rules. (For instance, I've seen a lot of people read Tang Lian's resistance to sexual advances as asexuality, which, sure!) Likewise, there are lots of incredibly important, intimate relationships that don't conform to standard romantic pair dynamics. Add to that a lot of bodies with unusual characteristics and conditions, and you've got the makings of plenty of delightful non-normative love stories.

Specific thing the second: There are so many things going on with so many side characters that there's a kink here for everyone. Don't care for eunuchs? How about slinky villains with mind-control powers? Devoted servants who would do anything for their masters? Former bad guys who owe life-debts to the good guys who saved them? Bonded pairs traipsing around the jianghu together? Sons nursing legitimate grudges against the men who killed their fathers? Alcoholic widowers with incredibly slutty necklines? Mysterious cross-dressers with unconvincing moustaches? Vengeful brides? Martial siblings? Murderous royals? Guilt-ridden half-siblings? Boring star-crossed lovers? All these and more! It's a smorgasbord of rarepair fuel!

Also, I just love these toxic drama queens. It's like if RuPaul's Drag Race had the authority to have you executed.

4. The most intriguing outfits I've ever seen in anything (and yes, I'm including Winter Begonia)

Time for a fashion show!

The asymmetrical fits, the detailed embroidery on everything, the brilliant colors -- everybody just looks so good. And yet everything still looks ... eh, I don't know if "practical" is the word I want, but at least wearable. Nobody's dragging ten-foot trains of fabric behind them or wrapped in eighty floofy layers of gauze (except Rui, but she's special). Their outfits are strange and elaborate, but they don't defy physics.

What's truly stunning is how often they get new outfits. Xiao Se alone changes clothes about once every other episode, and more if he's getting a flashback. He is the fashion plate of the whole series, and every look he serves is pitch-perfect.

They're not outright color-coded, but the main characters do have certain colors associated with them -- which is extra-fun when you watch those colors bleeding into their friends' clothes as their relationships get stronger. I also think -- and I'm willing to be proven wrong on this point, but I think I'm right -- that they recycle some characters' outfits into parts of other characters' outfits. On more than one occasion, I'd swear that Lei Wujie shows up wearing the left half of something Xiao Se was wearing a few episodes back (tailored to fit him, of course, because that dumb ponytail boy is tall).

Where I think the costume design gets massive points, though, is that the costumes are themselves adaptations.

Before the live-action series, there was a 2018 3D animated donghua. I have never watched the latter, but apparently the drama is intensely faithful to the animated visuals, to the point where some fights are shot-for-shot remakes.

Of course, you can do a lot more with unreal clothing and bodies in animation -- and you can show a lot more skin, at least according to Chinese content laws. The live-action costumers chose to preserve about as many of the appearance beats from the donghua as they could manage, while still accepting the limitations of real-life bodies and materials. You can see some side-by-side comparisons here. The live-action outfits manage to be instantly recognizable without being slavishly devoted recreating to their inspirations.

So if you're sick and tired of dreary, ill-lit shows with bland palettes, this vibrant, colorful drama may be just the thing for you. It's a rainbow from start to finish.

5. Actually a good central plot?

Despite all the wacky delightful shounen nonsense that this show has -- and it has a lot -- the core of the whole narrative, which is Xiao Se's story, is surprisingly great and cohesive.

The short version is this: Xiao Se used to be Xiao Chuhe, sixth prince and somewhat heir apparent. Then he and his jerk-ass dad had a falling-out that resulted in the prince's having his martial arts abilities all but taken from him. He's been living the life of a very well-dressed innkeeper for several years, trying to avoid all of that palace garbage. But now his jerk-ass dad is dying, which means that a lot of horrible decisions are finally having unfortunate consequences for everyone, and Xiao Se's got to get back in there to make sure everything does not go to shit and land someone terrible on the throne -- even if it has to mean taking it himself.

His central conflict is between what he used to be and what he's become. Does he miss being Xiao Chuhe, high-ranked martial artist and future emperor? Or is he happier being Xiao Se, long-suffering nobody who can barely run a business, much less hold his own in a fight? What would he be willing to do to get back what he's lost? What are his obligations to himself versus his obligations to everyone else? How much is he responsible for his father's bullshit? And why has he wound up having to babysit this stupid Fire Puppy?

It's okay, they're best friends now. Lei Wujie decided.

No spoilers, but I liked Xiao Se's ending a lot. I feel it's very true to the character and shows a real understanding of who he is and what he values. And really, at the end of the day, sometimes all you need for a happy ending is your girlfriend, your girlfriend's girlfriend, your girlfriend's girlfriend's boyfriend who's also your boyfriend, your other boyfriend, his girlfriend, and your long-distance for-real soulmate.

Feel like giving the youths a try?

You can find them on YouTube or on Viki. But be absolutely sure that no matter where you watch it, you make sure to go watch the epilogue as well. (And if you get real into the story, well, here's a link to information about all the other adaptations.)

You are also welcome for how I did not spend this post going off for five hundred years on how much I love Wuxin and his funky relationship to Buddhism. I figured that's way too niche of a selling point for most people, and might indeed have even been counterproductive. But know that I could have.

Also, I'm very happy about the announcement of a second season, because that's going to mean Liu Xueyi has to shave his head again, and he looks unbearably good with a shaved head.

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention the whole motorcycle photoshoot?

In case you hadn't noticed, the whole cast is stupidly hot. Hachi machi.

[devilishchaos]

You know what I'm implying | Jack Harlow imagine

Rating / genre: fluff?

Pairings: Reader x Jack Harlow

Summary: Telling your boyfriend that you can't get your tampon out (prank).

Warnings: use of pet names “babe”, “baby”; NO mentions of blood or anything

Word Count: 643 words

This is a work of fiction. The story, names, characters and incidents either are product or the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

“Y/N!! Come on, men. We’re going to be late.” you heard Jack’s complaining from the other side of the door. 

You were currently in the bathroom trying to keep it together for the sake of the prank. You wanted to get Jack so bad since he scared you shitless earlier during the day. So you thought to yourself what better timing than now - being almost late to the regular weekly dinner with his crew. 

“Coming!” you shouted back before opening the door dramatically. 

Jack was laying on his front in the middle of your shared bed and was scrolling on his phone. The moment you opened the door he lifted his head up and looked at you. 

“What took so damn long?” he mumbled, clearly annoyed, but you didn’t move an inch and just stared blankly at him. 

“Babe? You alright?” he asked after a couple minutes of your guys's staring contest. 

“I need your help.” you paused “My tampon is stuck..” 

Instant shock on his face. 

“I need you to get it out.” you let him know, still with a blank face. 

He licked his finger and tried to get to you. 

“No! Jack, I'm serious.” 

“Okay.” he spoke for the first time in a while. 

“I tried to take it out, like twice. And it’s not coming out. At this point I can’t even feel it..” you said while gesticulating trying to make it seem more real. 

“Will you help me?” you asked while making puppy dog eyes at him.

Slowly blinking while trying to process everything, Jack whispered “Yeah..” 

After that he once again licked his finger and tried to touch you. 

“Jackman! It’s not funny!” you smacked his hand away. 

“I’m not-I’m fucking lubing up. Let’s go.” 

After a short laugh he asked “Wait. Why are you..You don’t have a tampon in!” 

“I do! I got my period today. Why do you think I was so horny earlier?” you said in hopes that he won’t suspect anything. While he scrunched up his face contemplating how he didn’t notice that something was going on. 

“Okay. What should I do?” 

“I don’t know..” you tried to suppress a laugh coming out “You have to like go..properly in..” 

“Okay. I can do that.” he started rubbing his hands together. 

“Why are you not taking this seriously? I’m like..scared, I’m shaking right now!” 

“Baby, it’s okay. We’re gonna get it out.” Jack got up from the bed and stood in front of you. “Lay down on the bed.” he instructed. 

“What? Lay on the bed for what? Who-who do you think I am?” you started laughing. 

“Baby, I-I don’t know how this is done okay. I’ve never done this in my life but I’ve been there.” his reply just sent you into a series of giggles but you absolutely lost it once you figured out what he actually meant. 

“Jackman Thomas! You really are something else.” 

“How can you be laughing in a situation like this?” 

“Says you who licked his fingers trying to “lube them up”. I can’t with you sometimes. And you damn well know I ain’t wearing a damn tampon. Let’s just go before we are really late.” you hit his shoulder moving past him. 

“What? So like you don’t have a tampon stuck inside you?” he asked, confused. 

“No! This was a prank.” 

“Oh, alright. I was so confused.” he shook his head “You never wear tampons so I was like what the hell is she talking about? You know.” 

“You are confused by nature, babe. Let’s go. I’m hungry.” 

“Hey, but on the brighter side: you can have something else stuck inside you-” 

“Jackman! Car. Now.” you scolded him. 

“Alright, alright. Trying to act like you don’t love it. Jeez.” he lifted his hands up in the air and made his way out of the room.

[thefrogsennaneverfound]

I ask this question from a curiosity standpoint, and don’t mean to seem rude or anything, but why don’t you like Daniel Ricciardo? Am I missing something?

He’s far less offensive than a lot of the other drivers. He has a tendency to awkwardly laugh rather than say “that’s a shitty joke. Not okay”, which is frustrating, but not even in the same universe as something like Lance Stroll physically assaulting his trainer.

Like all F1 drivers, he wants to be WDC and talks a big talk, but he’s still nowhere near as obnoxious as a lot of the other drivers, who all think and say the same.

Maybe my understanding isn’t correct? As far as I know, his only really shit time as a driver was with McLaren in 2022, and words like “scapegoating” and “sabotage” get thrown around a lot. In 2021, he gave McLaren its only win in over a decade, and it wasn’t team orders based, and he hauled Renault back up into the podium as well, for their first time in almost a decade. I don’t think he should have left Red Bull, and I don’t think he’s necessarily an Alonso or Verstappen level talent, but he also made those Red Bulls and Renaults that he drove look a lot better than they were.

It's not just about what a driver's like on the track; it's his attitudes off the track too and Ricciardo has really bad form. As for dragging the Renault into the points, and the Red Bull when it was underperforming - that's his job and the cars weren't that bad. If he'd swapped with one of the back markers at the time, they'd likely have performed just the same. Plus, if he made the Red Bull look better than it was, why wasn't he the one winning championships in it? Why did Vettel get all that action when all Ricciardo got was a handful of race wins?

Anyway, here's (just some of) why I firmly believe that Daniel Ricciardo is every bit as obnoxious as the most obnoxious drivers on the grid. If you don't read right to the end, and I wouldn't blame you, please at least take in the part I've highlighted in red; it pretty much sums up the type of character he is and why I - along with many others - really do feel that he's most definitely obnoxious.

“I don’t watch the news and feel better about my day so I choose not to watch it.” Just one direct quote regarding his complete and shameless ignorance about the extreme humans rights abuses prevelent in some of the countries F1 travels to. What it amounts to is that the “drama and negativity” (his own words) of news reports on out-dated and abusive attitudes to women and LGBTQ people is a buzz kill so he’d rather not know about it, thanks all the same.

His attitude to the sexist objectification of the (now thankfully defunct) Grid Girls: "It's kind of like part of the attraction of the sport, fast cars and fast girls,". In his opinion, because it’s a male dominated sport it’s “a cool thing” so “let’s keep them”. If that's not obnoxious, I don't know what is.

On “Your Mom’s House” (a lowest common denominator podcast aimed at pathetic little boys who think they’re men) he laughed along with deeply sexist, misogynistic ‘jokes’ about women. There are plenty of drivers who would, at the very least, have kept their reactions neutral, making it clear they didn’t think it funny, but not Ricciardo; he was more than content to chuckle away at their vile comments about women.

Tricking Yuki Tsunoda into trusting him to come closer on a boat so he could throw him overboard, because it’s funny to force someone to face a very real phobia of sharks by throwing them into a body of water that’s widely known to contain them. I don’t care what Tsunoda’s reaction was to it (it's common for the victim of bullying to make light of their ordeal) or that Ricciardo threw himself into the water too; it’s still an appalling way to treat someone when they’ve been brave enough to be in such close proximity to one of their greatest fears. It’s the behaviour of a bully and Ricciardo is the worst kind of that particular species – a charming bully. The reason he gets away with so much of his crappy behaviour is because so many people are taken in by a cheeky smile, a twinkle in the eyes, and the friendly disclaimer that it’s just a bit of fun; they’re just trying to lighten the mood and make people laugh. It’s always at someone else’s expense though.

Given he was in a highly competitive Red Bull for all those years, he won precious few races, and left because he wasn’t getting the attention he thought was his right. I know athletes have to have an enormous amount of self-belief but to have looked at a racer like Verstappen and sincerely felt that he was his equal? That’s delusional. But is that really how he felt? Or did he – like so many who can’t face real competition when they know someone else is going to come out on top – jump ship because being a big fish in a small pond is preferable to being outperformed and therefore second best? I don’t know which it is but if he really, genuinely, sincerely thought he was on the same level as, first, Verstappen and then Norris, surely he’s just not very bright?

Monza 2021 absolutely was a team orders win for Ricciardo. Have you listened to Norris’s radio? He was faster; he wanted to pass; he asked if he could pass; he was told to maintain position. Either the team were concerned that the two might take each other out (although I am absolutely certain that Norris could have made that move with ease so was it more a case of Ricciardo taking Norris out if he tried to overtake?) or Ricciardo’s ego was so fragile by that point (Norris had been wiping the floor with him) that they decided he needed the win to boost his confidence and get a few more much needed points for McLaren. Either way, Norris was robbed of his maiden victory because he’s a team player who obeyed team orders rather than saying “screw this; I can win and I’m damn well gonna win”. I respect him for playing the team game but I hate the fact that Ricciardo got an undeserved win at his considerable expense (that’s not hyperbole; a driver’s first F1 win really is huge).

You're probably sorry you asked now.

[raffe156]

All Ghillied up and nowhere to go

Pairing - Price X MC (Tank) F!reader

Summery - Price teaches Tank how to blend in…

A/N- Just a little nsfw Drabble for an anon ask, also don’t worry Breakaway state part 5 is still in the works 😘

Warnings - Smut (18+) Voyeurism, Language, Age gap Price (38) Tank (26) Dom!Price, Brat!Tank, Sir kink, praise kink, unsafe sex, p in v, knife play and cock warming if you squint like really hard!

✨As always comments and feedback welcome ✨

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Call of duty characters - Only Tank

Tags: @fanficandartgal @deadbranch @soapyghost @shuttlelauncher81 @a-littlebirdie @boomtowngirl @chb-7 @noxspellxbound @brewed-pangolin

Sorry if I missed anyone❤️

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“Why am I doing this again?” You rested your cheek on the butt of your rifle.

“For god sake….I’ve told you…you need to “blend” in better! You shift about too much!” Price was losing his patience with you now.

“….blend in better? I’m dressed in tall fucking grass and weeds…in tall fucking grass and weeds how much more do I need to blend in?!” You dropped your head resting your forehead on the cold ground. The wind whistled around you. You didn’t even know where Price was but the clarity of the comms meant he was close by. The training field was silent apart from the wind.

“We’ve been out here for ages now..the suns setting..I think I’m pretty undetectable, send Soap out to try an spot me…” your voice was mocking.

“How about I send Ghost out?”

“……”

“I’ll take that as a no then kid? Start crawling back to me” his voice gravelly over the comms

“…I don’t even know where you are…are we done, I feel like we are done? can’t I just stand up?” You lifted your head, pushing yourself up but just as your shoulder came level with the grass you felt a sharp shot hit it. It didn’t hurt but you felt it. You looked down at the little blue ball.

“Did you just shoot me?…with a BB gun?” You rolled the little ball between your finger an thumb. You turned your face towards the direction it had come from.

“Yeh…a warning shot because if I was the enemy that would of been a real bullet also I would of shot you in the head….get back down” you could hear the annoyance in his voice.

“Fuck sake…taking the piss now” you muttered under your breath…he wasn’t that close to hear that surely.

“I’m taking the piss? Your the one pissing about Tank…get your fucking arse out of the air and get your body down to the ground or I will shoot you again…” he sounded close now, an he would shoot you, but you never did know when to stop.

“Thought you liked my arse in the air sir? Said it’s one of your favourite sights…” you smirked.

“….you being funny sergeant? Because I will wipe that smirk off your face…” his voice was louder now, he was close.

“I’d like to see you try sir…” you were baiting him now.Silence. You scanned your surroundings he should be north west of you, unless…you heard a shift behind you,but before you could turn over you were dragged back by you ankle.

“I did warn you…” Price growled in your ear. He had pulled you right back to him. He was practically on top of you.

“Your all talk…John” you didn’t turn your head to look at him, suddenly you could feel him unclipping the straps to the lower half of your ghillie suit.

“What are you doing? Does the fresh air an grease paint do it for you?” You laughed, but your head was pushed down low to the ground your cheek in the dirt once again.

“Ah fuck…” it took you by surprise, but rough Price only made the odd appearance, you must of really wound him up. You heard the soft ching of a knife being unsheathed and your eyes flashed panic, had you wound him up that much?

“John…what are you doing?” You tried to turn your head towards him.

“Stay still….very still” He growled in your ear again, as he used his knife to cut the seam of your pants, his intentions made clear you relaxed your body as you felt him finish the job with his hand.

“You’re not wearing any knickers? Can’t say I’m surprised…” He licked his thumb and pressed it to your folds, it easily slipped inside, causing a slight moan from you.

“Well that wasn’t difficult was it? I think the fresh air an grease paint does it for you aswell kid…or is it the thought of your Captain fucking you in a field?” He peered over your face just enough for you to see his eyes, the dark camouflage paint making them stand out.

“Abit of both sir…” you could feel his thumb thrusting into you slowly, you were leaking all over his hand. Your head was getting fuzzy, you could no longer hear the wind or the birds, just the wet sounds of his thumb inside you and the sound of your heart beat as it drummed into the ground. You felt Price shift and remove his thumb. You let out a groan, you hoped he wasn’t just teasing you, you wouldn’t make it back to base.

“You ready to put your training to the test Tank?” he removed his hand from your head to pull his zipper down. You could feel the head of his cock at your entrance. You didn’t need to be told to lift your hips up, it made him chuckle.

“Good girl” Price huffed as he slid inside, your walls adjusting around him. He placed himself right ontop of you, the weight of him pushing you down fully flat. His cock buried deep inside. He completely covered you his head right next to yours. You expected him to start thrusting but no he lay completely still, his cock pulsing inside you. Before you could question him, he snaked his arm under yours to position your face upwards to look through the tall grass, you mouth fell open as soon as you clocked what he was showing you…Ghost an 4 rookies were 300feet away from you.

“Told you I’d send Ghost out…now let’s see if you can blend in an not get caught eh?” As he spoke he began thrusting, strong, fast thrusts at first, it made the coils in your stomach tighten with each one he was dragging at your walls. It made your eyes roll back, you had to slap your hand over your mouth if Ghost didn’t see you first he would of heard you.

“Who’s getting closer? You or Ghost?” Price whispered in your ear. It caused a shiver up your spine an made your walls contract around him. He slowed his thrusts right down almost painfully slow…two of the rookies were a few feet away, Ghost had gone east with the other two.

“Keep yah head still, it’s gone be close” he whispered lowering both his head and yours as the rookies walked right past you. The suspense was agonising, but your walls were still fluttering around Prices cock which only seem to get harder. When you were sure it was clear you moved your hips under him, desperate for any form of friction or movement, Price gave in his thrusts rampant an deep, you moans came out strangled and restrained but your orgasm was bliss as you panted for Price to cum inside you, he grit his teeth burying his head into your shoulder as he filled you to the brim.

“Ahhh ahh fuck…have they gone back to base?” You turned your head to look.

“Not all of em Ghost is still in range…wouldn’t surprise me if he’s spotted us…” Price grumbled.

He was right the 4 rookies had wandered far away, but Ghost hung back his body turned to your location…surely he hadn’t spotted you…

“You two done fucking around out here?”

[ashwhowrites]

Ask her part 3

Part 1

Part 2

Buckle up, we've got a hell of a ride

18+ no real smut but suggestive language, and a girl fight

This is barely proofread so we can ignore grammar errors lol. I hope you guys love it!! Thanks again for all the support and notes. I am also doing requests so feel free to send some in and check out my master list :)

The weekend was over and everyone was back to being pissed off on a Monday morning, especially Y/N. She was exhausted and drained. She didn't want to admit it to herself or Robin, but she missed Eddie so badly. She hates that she's not in charge of how she feels. She hates that she keeps wishing he would suddenly pull his head out of Chrissy's small skirt and see she was here all along. After all, they are best friends. Couldn't he see how good they could be? "Alright, You moped all weekend, last week, and the week before that. You are done starting today. " Robin said, pressing herself against the locker near Y/N. "Robin, we have been over this. I am fine. " Y/N sighed but shut her locker with a smile on her face, trying to fool Robin. "It really harms me that you think I can't see how fake that smile is, and I don't appreciate liars." Robin replied with a smile of her own, one that's cocky and teasing. Before Y/N could respond, a voice called from down the hall. Chrissy's voice.

"Y/N!" was yelled, more like screeching from the end of the hallway. Y/N's head quickly whipped to see a Chrissy marching her way to Y/N's locker. "This should be good." When Y/N glared over, Robin quickly dropped her smile. "What do you want, Chrissy?" Y/N just wanted to get to the point so she could get on with her day and ignore all of this teenage drama. She truly believed she would be better than the typical girl who fell in love with her best friend and became entangled in a love triangle. "I just thought you would like to know that Eddie dumped me last night." Y/N felt a smile slowly appear on her face. She tried to not let it show. “I am so sorry to hear that. "Goodbye." Y/N replied as she began to walk down the hallway, but came to a stop when Chrissy yanked her arm. "I am talking to you." She sneered. "Get your hands off of me or I will shove your pom-poms-" She was cut off by Robin yanking Chrissy's arm off of Y/N, "I wouldn't do that again." Chrissy dropped her hands in an innocent gesture. "Why is it my fault, Chrissy? Because everything else is, right? I mean, it's my fault you two even met and became friends. I basically handed you him on a platter, and like an animal, you snatched him up the first second you got. " Y/N and Chrissy were head to head now. Both gazes are filled with similar emotions: anger, betrayal, and a tint of hurt. Neither noticed the huge crowd starting to form.

"Let me ask you this, Chrissy, when the HELL did you even begin to like Eddie? When your ex-boyfriend made his life a living hell for him, when your friends giggle behind his back? Don't you remember all the things you would say about him? You couldn't believe that I would like someone like him. You said him, as if he was worth less than a human being. Chrissy, that boy is it for me. He was it for me. And you just took him. " Y/N's voice was going in and out; some parts were strong and some were weak. Her eyes were clouded with wet tears, but she would not cry in front of her. She does not deserve that satisfaction. "Look, you can't blame me for taking my shot at a single boy. He isn't yours to claim. " Chrissy's words just angered Y/N more. "To claim? He is not a pawn for you to own! He is beautiful, so creative, smart, funny, and loving. He's more than what you see in him, more than you would ever see in him. He isn't meant to be with you. You don't even know his favorite song, or Wayne's favorite mug. You don't know the names of his Hellfire characters Have you ever heard him sing? Do you know anything about it other than what his mouth tastes like? " Robin let out a small deep breath "Babes, let's bring it down." But Y/N did not care one bit. If Chrissy wanted a fight, she was going to get a fight. "You do not get to have everything. You don't get to be head cheerleader, prom queen, straight A student, loved by everyone, the queen, and able to be with Eddie. You have it all, Chrissy. Why couldn't you just let me have this one thing? " By now, the tears were falling. She hates that she doesn't even know when they started. But seeing Chrissy's bitchy exterior begin to crack made it worth it. Chrissy was finally beginning to feel guilty. Maybe because she knew she ruined her chance to truly get to know Eddie, maybe because she kept two people away that were made for each other, or maybe because she was breaking multiple hearts at once. The halls were silent. Everyone was staring at the girls, waiting to hear the last word.

 Then Y/N felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked at Robin, but Robin looked behind her. She realized the hand was firm, large, and cold pieces of metal stung her skin through her shirt. "Baby," he whispered so quietly, she couldn't even tell if he was truly there. But the sensation of his breath passing through her skin and ears told her otherwise. "Please, Eddie, not now." And before she knew it, she ran.

Eddie looked at Robin with a silent nod and said, "I'll be there in one second." Then he set his brown eyes on Chrissy. "Eddie I..I." "What the fuck did I tell you? I told you to stay the hell away from her. " That same cold tone was back. Chrissy almost wished he would just yell; it might've been less scary. "You used to think of me the same way everyone else did, huh?" "Eddie, it wasn't like that." Chrissy tried to explain, but Eddie did not have the energy for more of her lies. "Stop fucking lying through your teeth. I can't believe you knew she would be the girl for me, and you didn't even give her the chance to tell me. She deserved that chance, Chrissy, and she sure as hell deserved it more than you. " "Stay away from both of us." He added as he followed the direction of Y/N.

It turned out to be a lot easier to find Y/N than he thought. She was leaning against his van, hands covering her face and shoulders shaking. "Baby, come on." He opened his passenger door and led her in. He ran to the other side and slid into the driver's seat. No words were said as he pulled out of the parking lot. Soft music, on low, plays through his banged-up speakers. He kept his eyes on the road, but he felt her gaze on him.

 She knew she shouldn't be in his van staring at him. All her hurt and tears were caused because of him, and yet, here she is running back into his arms. She was weak, but he made everything feel better when she was like this. She had no one else to run to. No one got her like he did, and vice versa. She knew he felt guilty, but he deserved to. Selfishly, she wanted him to feel even worse than he did—heartbroken even. But how can you ignore someone as gorgeous as he was? His eyes were child-like, always full of life and excitement. His hair was crazy and curly; she dreamt of running her hands through it as they lay under the stars. His hands, oh his hands, were so big, veiny, and firm. His hand always swallowed hers when she dragged him to every store at the mall. His arms always held comfort. All the problems in the world didn't exist when she was wrapped up in him. His fingers were always accessorized in metal jewelry. Half the rings came from her. She smiled at the fact that he never takes them off. She used to have to take them off each finger before they went to bed. She wonders if he has been remembering to take them off the past few weeks, as she hasn't been around. Even his smell, which lingered on her clothes, filled her with warmth. She never knew she could love the smell of weed, cigarettes, and cologne enough to cover it all. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice when they pulled up to his trailer. Her door opened and a smiling Eddie stood on the other side. "Follow me, m'lady." He followed with a bow.

He led her to his bed, freshly cleaned to get rid of any trace of Chrissy. She silently sat next to him, hands in her lap, eyes trained on the floor. "Let's talk this out. I miss you." He said as he reached his hand over to hers. And just like that, his hand swallowed hers, and the tears fell. "Oh baby, no don't cry." He leaned on the floor in front of her. His hands held her cheeks. She sniffled.

"Why Eddie? What makes her so special?" Hearing how hurt, broken, and insecure she sounded broke his heart. "I didn't know she knew how you felt, baby. I would never have gotten with her if I knew how you felt. " "I know, but it still feels like you picked her. I mean, fuck, she's Chrissy and I'm just me. " He shook his head. "No, she's just Chrissy, you are you! I am in love with you because you are my best friend. You helped me with Hellfire. You co-wrote most of the band's songs. You knew everything about me and still chose to pick me. This is the time I get it right. This is the time I pick you. " Her heart fluttered at his words. "Eddie, I need more than words from you. I'm still hurt. And once you knew about my feelings, you just made fun of them.” His fingers were delicately swiping the wetness from under her eyes. He nodded along, listening closely. "And I am deeply sorry for all of that, but I promise I will make this up to you." He kissed her cheek "Enough for today; how about we get some sleep? Nothing beats the day like a good ditching school nap." He smiled cheekily as she laughed. She quickly changed into one of his old shirts, back towards him, but the sight still made him blush. He removed his own shirt and pants, sliding under the covers. She joined, and he blushed deeper, knowing she only didn't have pants on when her legs entangled with his. They've done this before, but knowing how they each feel for one another, it felt different, it felt closer.

The next morning, some things were back to being the same. Y/N didn't ignore Eddie, but she still hadn't been around him as much as he hoped. But he knows he has to give her space, which allows him to think of his plan to fix everything.

 Step 1: Pick up the pieces of her broken heart.

 Eddie found Y/N and Robin talking at her locker, deeply in thought. "Excuse me, ladies." Eddie said as he sprinkled pieces of red and pink construction paper all over the floor at Y/N feet. "Um, Eddie, what are you doing?" She asked, confused as she peered down at him. "Well my love, these pieces of paper here are to represent your heart. And a good old friend of yours once told me I needed to pick them up with my own hands, so," he continued as he picked every single piece up off of the floor. I pocket the scraps with a proud smile. Robin gave him an approved nod and a smile. "That's so cheesy." Y/N, but he could hear the tease in her words. A smile and blush appeared on her face. "And the pieces will be safe and sound in this pocket as I work to put it together." He pecked her cheek and raced down the hall to catch one of the hellfire boys.

 "What the hell was that?" She turned to Robin, still surprised by the sweet action. "It looks like he's getting his head back in the correct place. And might I say, I give the best advice. " Robin added with a proud smile. She hooked her arms around Robins and laughed as they went down the hallway to class.

Step 2:Take her by surprise.

 "Let's go on a date. Just you and me. " Eddie blurted out of nowhere. Y/N almost choked on the blunt she was smoking. "Are you high?" She laughed. "Technically yes, but I know I want to go on a date with you. I'm making this up for you, remember? So, a date that I'll plan to make you feel special. Like you deserve." She doesn't know if it was the weed, the heat of his room, or him, but she felt like she was on fire. Eddie is always unpredictable, never knowing what he has planned or what he's going to say. But this is what she wanted, right? So she wasn't going to question it and think it over. She was going with her heart. "Yes."

 A few hours later, she wished she had asked more questions. She has no idea what to wear, how to do her hair, how much makeup is acceptable, or what shoes to wear. "You are stressed out. Let's just breathe. " Robin encouraged him from the bed. "Robin, I cannot just breathe. This is a date with Eddie!" she exclaimed and threw herself on her bed. Robin laughed and added, "Exactly, it's Eddie. He isn't going to care how you look." Y/N knew Robin was right, but she was still filled with nerves. "I should have asked for details. I need to know what we are doing to plan ahead. " She huffed out, "Either way, he's going to tear off whatever you wear and make up smeared, so don't try so hard." Robin was met with a punch in the shoulder. "I am not fucking him on the first date!" She laughed, a blush growing across her cheeks. Robin just gave her a look and wiggled her eyebrows. Well, now Y/N was even more nervous.

Step 3: Demonstrate your desire for her

 Y/N finally decided on a simple outfit. Knowing Eddie, it would be a casual date, quiet and alone. She wore her favorite pair of jeans and a sweater that Eddie bought her for Christmas one year. She left her hair natural and did very simple makeup. She decided to dress as she would for school. Not over the top, but enough to show she did put in an effort. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her front door. Confused as to who would be knocking at her door, she raced down. When she opened the door, she was face-to-face with Eddie. Not just any Eddie, but an Eddie with his hair tied back in a low bun. He had lost the curls covering his forehead and framing his face. A bright smile on his face, pink cheeks, and teeth gleaming. He was in a band tee, with his usual leather jacket placed on his arms and ripped jeans that hugged his small waist. She felt the drool going down her chin at this point. "Well baby, it's not polite to stare or leave a gentleman on your front step." "He said with a cheeky smile. He feels confident in how he looks to get her speechless. She huffed, "Yeah right." "Come on in." She was embarrassed to have been caught, but he wasn't wrong. Then she noticed a bouquet of roses. "And these are for you." Now his cheeky smile was gone, replaced with a shy smirk. hands gripping the flowers tightly. She smiled and took them from his hands. "Thank you, Eds. They are beautiful. She ran to the kitchen to put them in a vase right away. The red was beautiful, but one caught her eye-"the white one?" She questioned Eddie silently kicked his foot forward with a small shrug, "I wanted one to stand out. kinda like how you do to me. " She giggled at his cheesiness. "Aw, Ed's so romantic," she said as she pinched his cheeks. "Okay, okay, enough." He laughed as he grabbed her hands off of his face and laced his hand with hers.

Step 4: Kiss the girl

Feeling more excited than ever, Eddie was pacing backstage. He kept peaking his head out of the curtain to make sure she was still there. Every time he caught her eye, she'd smile and send a wave. He knew she wouldn't just get up and leave, but he was still terrified at the possibility.

As the lights went down and the crowd cheered, Eddie and the band made their way out. He winked at his girl sitting on her bar stool and took her place in the center. " Tonight we are playing a new song, an original, and it's dedicated to my beautiful girl." His eyes locked on hers, and she gasped. She did not think the new song was written by him or for her. She sat up straighter and listened throughout the whole song.

As the show ended, she couldn't sit still in her seat. She wanted to wrap her arms around Eddie and kiss him until they couldn't breathe. She felt her body heat up. The sight of him sweating and playing the guitar was always a sight to see. But she used to have to hide this attraction, but now she could act on it, and she definitely planned to. The second she felt his breath hit her ear, she turned around and threw her arms over his neck. He was caught off guard by the sudden action but smiled. "Did you like it?" She could hear the insecurity in his voice. He was nervous that his sudden vulnerability might backfire on him. She couldn't put it into words, so she went with action instead. She slowly leaned in, her eyes boring into his. letting him know what she was influencing. His eyes went huge when their noses touched. They both thought this was it. I am not sure who leaned in the furthest, but before they knew it, their lips touched. They smashed their bodies as close to one another as they could. She felt his chains on his pants dig into her bare thighs, but she didn't care. She could feel the rumble of his moan against her chest, causing her to gasp. Eddie took advantage of her surprise and slipped his warm tongue into her mouth. He hummed at the taste of her cherry gloss, beer, and mint gum. She felt her insides burn as she tasted his tongue. It was soft but firm. He took control of the kiss. Putting his hands on her waist, he tugged her even closer. Losing air, he began to pull away. But she chased his lips and pecked as he pulled away. "That was." But he had no words. Neither did she. A kiss that was long in the making. She smiled and yanked his hair closer to her. A groan ripped from his throat and lust filled his eyes. "Kiss me again, pretty boy." He felt his jeans get tight at the name. She was going to be the death of him.

Step 5: Pick the right girl

 

Ever since that Tuesday night at the hideout, they have been all over each other. The Hellfire boys gag as they kiss at lunch. Robin teases Eddie about how he basically devours Y/N's mouth every morning at their locker. And well, Chrissy felt a pain in her chest every time Y/N made Eddie blush and smile.

 

She knew they were going to get together. The whole reason Eddie broke up with her was so he could be with Y/N, but that doesn't stop the bitterness and pain seeing him move on causes. She needed to know if there was any room left in his heart to forgive her. She understood what she did was wrong, but she didn't want him to hate her. She finally found Eddie alone, waiting outside of the hellfire room. She guessed it had just ended as she was leaving practice at the same time. She silently walked up to him with a nervous smile. "Hey Eddie, can we talk?" The look she received was not friendly nor inviting. She felt herself shrink under it. "Nothing to talk about." He huffed out as he straightened his back, making him even taller than her. "I just want to say I'm really sorry. You guys look so happy and I'm sorry I tried to ruin that." She sounded so genuine that Eddie started to soften. "I mean, it's not okay and what you did was wrong, but I'll make amends." A smile lit up her face, and she hugged him. He got stiff and patted her back. Chrissy knew it was so wrong to do it, but being this close to him again caused her to remember how close they used to be. She couldn't stop herself in time when she leaned on her tiptoes and kissed his lips.

 

Eddie went frozen in shock. His brain wasn't understanding what the hell was going on. Before his brain could catch up with his actions, he heard a small voice. "Eddie?" It squeaked out. It was almost like it was hard to say. He knew that voice; it was Y/N. He yanked his hand away from Chrissy. Panic set in as he made eye contact with her. She was already crying, pain and betrayal laced in her eyes. "Baby, it's not what you think." He stated as he grabbed her hands. He felt relieved when she didn't pull away. She looked up at him closely. "She kissed me. You have to believe me. " He pleaded.

 

She could hear the genuineness in his voice. She knew Eddie better than anyone, and she knew he was not a cheater. Seeing him terrified and nervous raised anger in her. But not at him, at Chrissy. Once again, she was trying to rip them apart, and this time, she wasn't going to let her win. She yanked her hands out of Eddie's, ignoring his whimper at her actions. She marched up to Chrissy and smacked her clear across the face. Chrissy and Eddie gasped. The silent hallways echoed with the sound of Y/N's right hand connecting to Chrissy's cheek. "I mean it, you stay the fuck away from my boyfriend." Chrissy quickly ran away, crying and holding her cheek. Eddie whistled as Y/N turned back to him. "Boyfriend, huh?" He teased. But the smile quickly fell when he saw the dark look in Y/N's eyes. "I think I need to remind everyone of who you belong to, pretty boy." She grabbed his hand and yanked him into the nearest bathroom. Once again, his cock twitched in his jeans, hearing the name. By God, he hopes she'll forever call him pretty boy.

Tags!

@toobsessedsstuff @lail1010 @tiannamortis

@ladysteddie @eris-rose-86 @herroyalhighnessqueenmomo  @sage-the-z0mbie @maystecc @sushihousebread @my-tearsricochet @spaceconveyor

[unexpectedbrickattack]

old. man. yaois.

tiny gnome has very good senses and smells everything so much and so strongly. help him.

actually. going to keep this contained in the post and not in the tags bc its kink stuff and i think it should stay behind a readmore oop

spreading the 'old man engages in freak behavior' agenda...its not even freak behavior it is so tame for other shit i am writing w them LMAO musk is like whatever. its WHATEVER ! (its good) but my homebrew gnomes are based off of rodents and they have heightened senses of smell and hearing because of it and i think it is so funny to give my fave characters the most benign, yet debilitating kinks. Like bro im fine dw also u need to not be right next to me bc im going to go feral and i dont have it in my soul to explain why

i think its sooooo silly to have him already devote so much of his time to peppino and this business and now hes like god. what is that stickman meme picture of someone gripping their leg so hard its bleeding? thats gus hes like in his own hell. i think i wrote it before that peppino is sooooo aware of like. being a sweaty man and it makes him uncomfortable and he tries to avoid it but its like an inevitable facet of life and he deals w it the best he can. hes not smelly hes sweaty n musky and so working in the back w a hot oven means he ends his shifts absolutely drenched and miserable.

and gus is like👁️👁️ but hes a respectable man (tm) and he doesnt openly gawk n fawn. But. He is not shameless; he absolutely steals a shirt or two when he can and works w that for a while. he steals a shirt, keeps it, then rotates it w another shirt and when peppino is like WAA! My shirt !!! where did u disappear to??? Gus has to pretend he didnt snatch it away for like a month like the squirrel he is.

it (the thieving) would start before they get together and he would get caught a little while after they get together. like hey. not that i think that you think im stupid. but um. for like two years my shirts would disappear when u came over. like. after a couple of months it stops being a coincidence. so like. explain urself maybe?? and its definitely like a New feeling for gus, who is generally regarded as a dom (albeit a sweet one) to feel bashful about this but like in timid way that doesnt usually come naturally to him LOL. and i like the idea of peppino being an anxious little freak about soooo many things including sex, but when he gets more comfy w someone hes way more of a dick and blunt asshole (affectionate) and he absolutely would bully gus about this.

okay thats all i got just imagine my vision of gus and his little tail shooting straight up bc hes huffing this fucking shirt before he passes out for the night okay? and avoiding brick the next day bc beast to beast communication is real, okay? for me? thank u ....

[eveningrainstorm]

my take on teenage raz and lili!

some design notes under the cut:

They're intended to be about 16 here! I didn't go for anything too drastic in terms of changes -- these are largely just what I'd consider natural evolutions of their canon designs

For Raz, my main focus besides just making him look older was to add a bit more resemblance to the other Aquatos in his design, since his relationship with them wouldn't be strained like it is during canon

Raz is shown with very straight hair in canon, but since most of his family's hair is more wavy or curly I tend to imagine he styles it that way on purpose as part of his Sasha Nein cosplay or whatever. He wouldn't still feel the need to do that at this point, though, so for this design I wanted to make it more curly, similar to Augustus or Frazie, while still similar to his canon style. This turned out to be incredibly difficult and I'm still not entirely happy with where I landed, but it's good enough

I didn't think he would still wear the helmet but I didn't want to discard it entirely, so the goggles were a compromise. I meant to give them some visible scratches and wear and tear since they're presumably the same goggles he's been wearing since he was 10, but I forgot. rip

Obviously the most notable change to Raz's outfit is the scarf -- I wanted something that would tie him visually to the other Aquatos while still fitting with his general look. I imagine they gave it to him as a gift, sort of an acknowledgement that even if he doesn't perform with them as an acrobat, doing his Psychonaut work is his own way of being an Aquato

Raz's outfit here is honestly very similar to his PN2 outfit. This is because in my eyes "long coat and turtleneck" is Peak Character Design and cannot be improved on. (Hence why I may not be the best person to redesign Raz.) He has an actual coat rather than just an oversized blazer this time though, so that's an improvement. With the turtleneck I was was vaguely intending for it to be color-wise something of a middle ground between the Sasha-style green striped turtleneck and the Aquato blue/green and white stripes, but it ended up basically just being the PN1 stripes with the PN2 color. which, you know, that works

I went back and forth on what their heights should be -- I thought it would be kind of funny if Raz ended up short and Lili ended up taller than him, but then I decided to just make them more in line with their families, with Raz being tall and lanky and Lili being average verging on short. Except then I accidentally made Lili tall anyway because I was only vaguely considering her height relative to Raz. I guess Lili's probably taller than her dad now? good for her ig

Most of their facial features are just slight variations of how they look in canon -- slightly smaller eyes and so on. the only real specific change is that Lili has a more defined nose now, similar in shape to her father's

Lili's outfit here is more different from either of her canon outfits than Raz's is, but there's still not much that really requires a ton of explanation. The goal was to make her look vaguely cool and fashionable, although as I am neither of those things I cannot guarantee I was successful

I tried a couple different hairstyles for Lili, and I'm still not entirely set on this one -- Originally what I settled on was to give her two braids, which I did like, but I kept doing sketches of her where I just drew the top part of the hair and was like "ngl this kind of works on its own" and so I ended up going with the short hair. I also briefly tried an asymmetrical haircut but I couldn't get it to look right. I think this one suits her though

Lili's tattoo (on her left wrist) was a later addition to the design, and even in the later stages of drawing this I wasn't sure whether to keep it. I like it conceptually I just haven't figured out a consistent design for it yet, only that it has to be of plants

god these notes got way longer than I meant them to be I am so sorry. Uh basically I'm still figuring out the details of these designs but for now here's Raz and Lili, they're teenagers now, thanks for reading

[quodekash]

wassup bitches, im back babyyy (I spammed my friend last night and told myself I wouldnt do a Tumblr post, and yet here I am, doing a Tumblr post of every screenshot and comment I sent to my friend)

HOLY SHIT THATS A FUCKING PAINTING

WHAT THE HELL

AYYE I THINK I'VE FOUND WINNY

was fuckin right bitches

rly thought that was mark pakin for a minute

I truly adore him

jj!

tbh it feels like some kind of rule in gmmtv where they have to have at least one of the jutamas twins in an airing show at any given time, cos like. theyre always there.

hidden agenda and dangerous romance were airing at the same time for a little bit, and aj was in one while jj was in the other

and now 23.5 and we are are airing at the same time, and aj's in one while jj's in the other

I just think its neat 👍

SATANG

SATANG SATANG SATANG

WE’RE LIKE FIVE MINUTES IN AND ITS ALREADY WNST TIME BITCHESSSS

its so fun to see winny as the master at something while satang's the noob, I like this a lot

oh babygirl you aren't listening to a word hes saying

hell yeah we're already getting these corny-ass moments that are so unrealistic but so funny (I love corny-ass moments in bls)

I think that maybe they should kiss

Babes stop staring at him you’re way too obvious (satang looks so adorable here tho look at him)

omg I never couldve guessed what pond's character was studying

he's an engineering student 🤯🤯🤯

no one's ever joined this field of study before in a bl

how shocking

I am shooketh

no <3

I LOVE POON'S CHARACTER IMMEDIATELY

he's so real for that

get ready boys (gender neutral), its time for ✨alcoholism✨

I love these bastards so much

pun has immediately rocketed all the way up to my favourite character so far

dont get me wrong, I love all of them

but like. just look at him

PUN JUMPING INTO CHAIN'S ARMS 💀

five broooos, chillin in the one bed

AAAAA HOLY SHIT

punchain: 🥰🥰

the other side of the bed:

LMAO HOW THE HELL'D THEY END UP LIKE THAT

I love how aou’s character SO CLEARLY has a crush on boom’s character and boom hasnt even been INTRODUCED yet

(btw ill use the character names more and more as time goes on, i just have shit name memory at the start of shows)

HES SO TINY

HE'S A LITTLE MUNCHKIN

HHHHHHHHH 😭😭

SO SILLY GOOFY

his hair here is so funny to me

THERE HE IS, FINALLY!

THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND THE BOOM

pond has ✨daddy issues✨ (unsurprising)

aight that's all, next week's gonna be a blast, ill almost certainly be back

[gffa]

John Gaius is less interesting to me as someone who is just a shallowly awful person, and vastly, infinitely more interesting to me as an intensely human person with the powers of a god and that has fucked him up. The things he does to his friends are done out of grief, because he doesn’t want them to be gone, it’s out of the loss of those he loved that he brings them back, that there’s almost something numb about him until the depression or the rage or the sorrow hits, because like he’s Jod, he didn’t get to where he was by being able to die, and that’s terrifying for others, but I can’t help thinking that it’s really fucked him up, too, because all that power, it’s just there, it’s in him all the time, and when someone betrays you and you have the power and invulnerability of a god and you’re a hot goddamned mess because you’re still just a person who has lived through so much pain and grief and loss, you react like a human and you reform yourself out of your own atoms and permanently explode people and go, right then, either you’re loyal or you die, because you’re fucking pissed, and you don’t want to fucking deal with it anymore, because you don’t have to, you’re God, you have the power to say, no, this stops here, loyalty or die, make your fucking choice now, instead of continuing to walk that tightrope of lying to your friends but trying to make it up to them and feeling guilty but also feeling angry, all while you’re so fucking tired. But then you feel more guilt about it, because you’re a person and you’re not trying to be a dictator, you’re trying to make the galaxy better, you’re trying lighten the mood, because it’s ten thousand fucking years and if you don’t embrace your love of puns being hilarious, then everything’s going to be so fucking boring, and you’re still angry at the trillionaires.   You stop time and tell everyone to stop attacking each other because you’re so fucking tired and just don’t want to deal with it anymore.  You’re so fucking careful, even around your friends, not to bleed around them because you know what that can lead to. I feel like John is a character who isn’t evil so much as every step is an understandable one he made, each one is a very human reaction when you have the context of everything that happened before, and then layer a whole lot of depression and guilt and anger on top of all those decisions. Is he doing terrible things?  Yeah, and he’s fucking terrifying to be around, he tries so hard to be affable and gentle, but he has so much power and he’s Just A Fucking Guy, a guy who wanted to save the world and started out from a place that so many of us have started out from, each step he took to where he got and why he lied are understandable ones, the weight inside him one that I can empathize with, I too am not always the kindest when I’m depressed, I too am not always one to make the best decisions when I feel torn between wanting to help people vs how to actually get there, like if I was face to face with a real chance to save the world, wouldn’t I do some shady things to make sure it got done, because the world hung in the balance?  Wouldn’t I fall into depression when weighed down by all that responsibility to do something when I had the power/ability to do it?  Where is the single point at which he should have said no and turned back, given all that had come before? I don’t see John Gaius as a character who set out to become Necrolord Prime, that that was the intended arc, so much as he kept making one decision after another, decisions that come from a place of very human nature, and eventually we’re here, with the weight of all those decisions behind him and no one single place that really was a hard turning point.  And also a whole lot of depression. Anyway, he’s my poor little meow meow and I hope he’s dictator of the universe for life because it’s very funny and also gives me feelings.

[suzie-shooter]

Screaming Meals - Le Mans commentary highlights 10.06.23

 J: It's quarter to three, race is due to start at three o'clock. Obviously, you know, told Marcus to get here at two. C: Still not here.

J: I think the Cadillacs should have a good race. I mean it broke down in qualifying yesterday, it couldn't manage to do 45 minutes and now it's got to do 24 hours.

C: Roland Garros, women's finals, at the moment. J: Who's in that? C: Swiatek and [...] I don't know the other person. J: I went to school with someone called Swiatek. [...] But he was called Matthew so it's probably not him.

C: Why am I eating? Bit of a rough morning really. J: To say the least. Clem's parked up on struggle street.

C: Hoping for a moist affair.

C: Damn, my ramen's going to go everywhere. J: Ramen's going to be great ASMR as well, slopping and slurping everywhere like some kind of deranged ignoramus.

J: "What were Marcus' thoughts on James' last stream?" I think he quite liked it - I don't think he watched it 'cause he was racing so I don't know if he has too many thoughts on that stream. Nothing really happened, and yeah from his point of view he was a bit busy, so...

C: "Did Marcus like the Detroit track?" J: He loved it actually. C: D'you know what, you can ask him when he arrives, but, fucking, probably won't arrive. J: He's not officially late for another seven minutes.

C: So James is doing a 24 hour stream. J: I'm not.

C: Great mouthfeel. If I could paint a picture with words for ya,  it's ah, it's really good. J: I've said it before and I'll say it again, you have a real career waiting for you in food blogs.

C: I'm gonna take a couple of the old chillies out there. J: What an absolute - front cartilage. C: No, listen, I'm a backbone. Oh! Front cartilage, that's the opposite of a backbone. J: There you go, well done.

C: Loving the shorts too. J: Thank you. They were on sale. In 2014. C: Where'd you get those? J: I believe these are Billabong actually? C: Billabong? I didnt take you for a surfer. J: Yeah, I actually, I thought about learning surfing in September of 2017 and then quite quickly had the realisation that I was due to move to London in 2 months and it would be absolutely pointless.

J: [Marcus has] let us down, he's let himself down,  but more importantly - C: He's shaving his legs. J: He's let you guys down.

J: Let's see if Bourdais fucks it. C: That's not very nice James.

J: I'd love to see a replay of it, 'cause it was actually quite funny [...] oh it'd really tear your undies, on lap one of Le Mans, to put it in the wall like that.

C: Yeah, no, Dyson Airwrap, allows me to really straighten my hair in the mornings there and, er, allow me to have a bit more of a - bit more control.   J: Control's important. Just tell that to Jack Aitken.  

C: We've just got a slight issue really, getting new guests on. J: Yeah, no one seems to be keen. C: No one seems to be keen  these days. J: I'm not sure what's happened...

J: I left for Monaco, and I packed two hats and I returned with four. And I didn't even buy one.

C: Not only is it absolutely massive but it's also bent. (Alain Prost's nose)

C: Shall we give Marcus a call, see what he's up to? [...] Yes mate, you've got 750 people waiting for you to arrive, but you seem to be 40 minutes late [...] ah, fuck him. *hangs up*

C: Thing is, we promised Marcus and he's just not quite delivered. J: Yeah...I feel sorry for the woman who ends up with him.

C: A lot of people asking whether I should be sitting their Business A Levels - I actually participated - partake - ah - partook in the business exam a couple of years ago. J: Must have done well in your English one as well.

J: As an organisation, two thirds of us - well, three quarters with Rory - do care about you, the fans. Marcus is a scoundrel and a traitor. C: He's a sort of a Han Solo character. J: What, he gets it on with his sister? C: Yes James. J: I'm not accusing anyone of anything there. I regret I said that actually, but I've said it now.  Okay, so they're saying I was wrong there. C: You've fucked it up again.

J: I'm thinking that we're gonna need to reach out to the Serbian star and maybe start some kind of merch line: Novalak Djokovic.

J: So hot as well. Turned himself into a real DILF actually, Dan Carter. C: Absolute DILF. Dan Carter. Who's the biggest DILF for you? J: Ah what, just full stop, or in a certain area, or field? C: Full stop. J: It's probably got to be, um, Ryan Reynolds. C: Yeah, I was going to go with Ryan Reynolds. J: Yeah, he's a total DILF. C: Toto Wolff, in the comments. J: I feel like he'd be pretty boring in the sack. Patrick Dempsey, I mean you want to talk about hot old dudes and Le Mans, he's obviously got this team racing here.

J: Kimi Raikkonen there getting an honourable mention for, I'm assuming the DILF chat. C: Ah Kimi - pretty -  I mean -  probably not a - I wouldn't say he's a very vocal lover. J: Nah , he'd be a very silent lover. He'd be - I mean similar to Formula 1 media he'd communicate only in grunts and groans I believe. Very monotonous in his delivery of his love.

C: "Josef Newgarden qualifies as a DILF now." J: He does technically qualify as a DILF if - if he floats your boat, and you know, just speaking for myself there he's certainly floating mine.

J: I'm sure somebody knows what's going on here but it's not us. C: I've got no fucking idea.

(Screaming Meals technical gremlins make an appearance, giving us a brief glimpse of their kitchen)

J: Fixed! Fixed! How good! Just like the Formula 2 championship. C: I'm distancing myself so far away from that comment.

J: Where were we? I think we were talking about DILFs? C: Tom Hardy. DILF? J: Yeah, he's actually not my flavour of crisps to be honest, actually, Tom Hardy. He's quite short. I mean, you know, I'm not on the market, I'm just saying. C: You never cease to amaze me.

C: "Marcus being a male bimbo again." J: That would imply that at some stage he's actually stoppped being - 'cause you've said again - that implies that he's stopped being a male bimbo, whereas he's not.

J: "Marcus is Ken coded" - do you know what that means? C: Nope.

J: Clem's shades not quite dark enough to hide the fact that his eyes are now closed.

*Clem keels over sideways* J: Seem to have momentarily lost Clement Novalak, but I'm sure he will return.

J: 4.09 arrival predicted from Marcus Armstrong. C: Which is currently another 15 minutes. J: That's actually bang on 69 minutes late from Marcus Armstrong, you'd expect nothing less to be perfectly frank.

C: "Take a shot each time Clem yawns" - you're gonna be dead.

C: You're looking pretty moist.

C: Max Fewtrell. Doing the cooking. Probably doing a stream on cooking. J: Caged in his gimp suit on a leash.

J: I've been getting vastly mixed reviews on my long locks. C: It sort of looks a bit pubey at the back. J: Ally hates it. Ally fucking hates it. Which is why I'm keeping it.

C: First time he's actually text me since - hold on hold on - 17th May. J: There's a text string of Clem - I hope you don't mind me exposing this - there's three texts in a row from Clem to Fewtrell going - "Brother, I have an idea, a good one too" and he's just blanked him, he's not replied. Wise man. When Clement Novalak texts you to say he's got a good idea, don't fuckin' respond.

J: It really gets deep inside my goat. C: You do have a nice goat.

J [talking about buzzcuts]: Do you think it has like the same effect as like your downstairs, where it makes it look much bigger? C: I wouldn't want to have a massive head. J: Yeah exactly, that's what I'm thinking. C: 'Cause then it would make my massive honker look even larger. J: Yeah, no you don't want that. I can't afford my honker to look much bigger. I'm talking about my nose.

J: You do a good impression of a whipcrack actually. C: I just spat all over myself. J: Tune into Screaming Meals and watch two guys spit all over each other.

C: If I get a Pret [coffee] I'm gonna throw my phone out the window. J: Actually no you shouldn't do that it might kill someone. We're 28 floors up.

J: Actually I'm going to put the shot glasses in the freezer. Do you think I should put one in for his - his friend as well - do you think she's with him?

J: Yes it is a massive bottle of Corona, your eyes aren't deceiving you, Clem's not actually that small.

J: Is that our doorbell? I've never heard that before.

J: I had dinner with Marcus and a friend of his yesterday - can't remember her name - and he was still trying to insist that he's 6 ft tall.

J: "James show us the snazzy shorts you're wearing"

M: How are ya? C: You're three minutes late so that's  three shots. J: No, no, no you're an hour and thirteen minutes late.

M: How are you feeling? C: Pretty rooted. Where are we going tonight?

M: I'm not having any shots. I'm not drinking today. I've got to do some stuff later.

C: You disappoint me. M: I know. C: Every day. M: Yeah, I know.

J: My back is absolutely destroyed from carrying this shit. C: Yeah James, you do carry.

C: Marcus? M: Yo. J: Where do you stand on DILFs?

J: Up in the hypercar field it's been real bumper to bumper. C: C&B, bumper to bumper. J: Is C&B meaning what I think it means?

J: I hate to be fussy but could you two bastards move over a bit? C: I need to lie back and have a wee sleep.

M: Did you tell them we did a pod yesterday? J: No. M: Were we keeping that a secret? J: Yeah, we were.

M: Is this slaving away? I can't think of anything better than sitting back, watching the race, feet up on the table. C: No, get your grippers out! M: Oh the grippers are out by the way everyone. C: Disgusting, piece of filth. J: [...] five minutes, and it's underwear off, shoes off, grease in the hair.

J: "Marcus is raw-dogging his shoes" - yes!

M: By the way I have actually - I've started washing my hair everyone. You'll find out in the pod. C: And wearing deoderant. M: And wearing deoderant as well. C: And do you know what, you look better and I'm starting to think that - M: I am better. J: You might even just taste better. C: Pfffff what the fuck?? J: I was just going with the senses there. You said look, the obvious next choice was taste.

M: When we went to Long Beach weren't we meant to do an intro video? J: We wanted to do something like that, but we did run out of time because we were being cancelled and you had an indycar race to do.

M: Do you still have this as your background? J: HoyteyJ and Minougey? Hoytey. C: You've taken Hoytey off yours M: I've had to change mine. C: Yeah, I know why. J: What is it now? M: It's a dog. J: Well that's a bit rude. C: That's a bit rude. *James screams* M: It's literally like - no - it's a labrador, it's literally a little baby labrador, no! C: Oh shit yeah [chat's] just gone off. M: Come on!

C: I don't have a CV. I arrive, I say - Clement Novalak, enchante.

J: What? M: Heart rate J: Is 34? M: Yes. J: Are you alive? M: When I'm sleeping it dips down. J: When you're asleep your heart rate is 34? M: Yes. My Oura ring stops counting when it goes under 33. J: Does it assume you're dead?

C: It was the first night I had redbull vodka in about six months [...] I was doing a long distance run mate, in my bed. J: Don't need to know any more details than that.

C: Can you fucking - leave your grippers away from my grippers? J: Yeah, that's quite aggressive. C: With that fucking massive toenail. M: I just wanna play footsie [...] yeah, we're playing footsies everybody.

J: Imagine having the audacity to leave people waiting an hour and a quarter, and then just being on your phone.

M: Clem are you okay mate? Good.

J: Fuckin' hell, you selling tickets there mate? M: Gun show there. J: Watch Marcus now get competitive and not be able to resist getting his guns out.

J: What's going to run out first, our countdown to 22 hours, or the iPad battery? That might be the most interesting battle we've got going on here.

J: Thanks so much for sticking with us for the last couple of hours [...] we don't know anything that's going on in the race and we've made almost no effort to find out.