#'the dream stance' tm.

[the-woild-is-ya-erster]

Are we still into Random West Endsies Notes because I have a THING.

So. We've at least mostly established how great Michael Ahomka Lindsay is as Jack, buttt here's a whole other reason to love his Jack.

I call it the 'dream stance' because I need a name for every. little. detail

It first happens during the Santa Fe Prologue, and it's a little bit of blocking which has Jack leaning over the edge of the railing - arm outstretched and grasping at thin air, his upper body at a whole angle that almost looks like he's gonna fall off the 'penthouse'

And then it happens again during Santa Fe - when he starts talking of the place, as he leaves his NYC mindset and enters his deluded dream, he stretches out again, over the barrier, trying to separate himself from the cold metal of Manhattan. It's especially striking here, with the yellow sun in the background?? It's so good.

I'd kind of established it as a Santa Fe thing, representing his want for escape and freedom and all that, but then

It happened in the Watch What Happens (Reprise). It gets to the bit where he finally allows himself to believe in the strike again, and as they sing 'get those kids to see/we're circling victory' he enters that same pose again, but grounded this time, on the floor, and stable

He just reaches out his hand and leans forward, still grasping at air but no longer in a position that seems dangerous. Then I realised it was a stance to show his dreams, and therefore how they changed

It's at this point that Jack realises (and its visually represented to us) that Santa Fe is no longer Jack's dream - it's the strike and the welfare of the newsies, it's Katherine and Davey and Crutchie and Les, and romance and friendship and family

[doyouwanttoseeabug]

Star Trek crew but they're all different species hear me out:

Jim - Jim has to remain human. He's the humanist human around, and also there is infinite comedy in the idea of a bunch of other species making exhausted eye contact whenever he pulls his bullshit.

Spock remains Vulcan obviously.

I initially thought Tellarite Bones BUT I think Andorian Bones fits better. Adding an extra-spicy layer to his Thing with Spock if their grandparents were literally shooting at each other. Every time Jim is Extremely Jim, Bones pulls out the ushaan-tor with a Dammit Jim I'm a doctor not a duellist but DON'T TEMPT ME

Romulan Uhura. No listen, trust me on this. Escaping from the Romulan empire because her love of languages leads her to a love of other cultures and a fiercely anti-imperialist anti-hegemonic stance. Her poise and calm comes from a lifetime of lying to the Tal Shiar, who were aggressively trying to recruit her before she joined Starfleet. How did she become an expert in diplomacy? Well her favourite childhood hobby was not getting dissapeared by the state so the rest came naturally.

Klingon Rand was revealed to me in a dream.

SCOTTY is the Tellarite. Jim rings down to engineering all meek like "hello Scotty can you tell me why the "ship is about to explode" light is flashing" and Scotty's like your mother was a leper and your father was a clown. Yeah the engines are fucked.

Chekov is Orion for The Angst TM

I know I KNOW that the Federation hadn't made contact with the Cardassians in TOS but Cardassian Sulu. He's so nice and smiley and polite :) and he's just saying Captain that if you want anyone poisoned I might know a guy :) the guy is me, Captain :)

I really wanted a Ferengi on here but no one fits so. Ferengi Chapel I guess. She's actually incredibly nice and way more professional than Bones but occasionally there's a gleam in her eyes and you just know she's thinking Oh, if I wanted to, I could rip these suckers off.

[before-calamity]

CNJ/WHM Skills Overview P1: CNJ Spells

Read more for more CNJ spells from 1.0...

I believe this is the same order of the spells you learn in modern FFXIV. I really don't have a lot to comment on this - they have a longer cast time and non-instance recast time like we've seen in the THM spells because, well combat was slower.

Remember what they took away from us. But not really. I know that everyone missed Protect from modern FFXIV, and I guess this is a hot take, but it wasn't all that effective. It amounted to a 3% damage reduction, and when they cut Protect, they went ahead and adjusted stats so that you have a 3% damage reduction. So you basically always have a protect on nowadays.

While it is a cool spell for class flavor (which they kind of ruined by making it a role skill in SB), I don't miss it.

Cleric Stance had a bit of a history, and it's another spell people miss. It's funny because from what I heard, in ARR, it was a literal swap between your intelligence and mind values, and then later on before it was cut it was more like it's 1.0 counterpart. This is heresay though. AND apparantly when it swapped the values, you also got the Attack buff and Healing debuff. It was replaced with a Cleric Role role action in SB and ultimately removed in Shadowbringers.

This spell confuses me. You basically turn HP into MP, and you set it aside so that you can get a big MP jump in the future I guess? I guess it's useful for a burst, but FFXIV 1.0 wasn't really known to have such bursts like modern FFXIV.

Stonera continues a trait we've seen in some spell lines where by default it's an AoE.

Stoneskin is another spell people miss, and it's one that NPCs still cast from time to time. Unlike Protect which is a general damage reduction, Stoneskin acted more like Scholar's Adloquium spell.

This was in the game until Stormblood, and even featured a Stoneskin II, which was an AoE. Like Protect, Stoneskin I and Stoneskin II lasted for a long time, 30 minutes.

Turn everything into an AoE...it just takes longer to cast. Not sure if this is a good trade off.

This was another spell that was in modern FFXIV until Stormblood...and it was basically reborn into Lucid Dream. Even the hotbar icon for ARR Shroud of Saints looks like Lucid Dream, just recolored.

We've actually covered Repose in an earlier post. I'm still shock it's essentially the same spell as a THM spell that they get at lvl 42.

So that's the CNJ spells. Next we'll talk WHM actions and Traits.

My one takeaway is how the spells are very similar to what they were in ARR, and I have yet another one of my famous theories (tm) regarding how CNJ changed during the development of 1.0, due to some recent data I've come across.

Do you miss Stoneskin, Protect and Cleric's Stance? Tell me what I'm missing out on. I never got to use Stoneskin but I did play during Stormblood which still had Protect and Cleric's Stance.

[bthump]

Hi dear bthump! I was thinking about this earlier today and was wondering your thoughts on it, even if it’s not directly griffguts related; what do you think of berserk’s stance on the concept of “ambition” or of the pursuit of one’s “dreams” ?

When I think of the way griffiths ambition is presented, it’s on face value an obvious condemnation of his over ambition- he chooses his “dream” over his comrades and friends, over the most important person in his life, guts, and becomes a literal monster/demon as a result.. and throughout the story, even though there are times guts himself (no less because of Griffith ofc) feels self conscious about being “unambitious” and just drifting in life, without strong goals etc. But when I think of the story as a whole with everything that’s happened in the eclipse and afterwards, I guess we’re meant to see guts as kind of the better, more grounded and humane alternative to a super focused, obsessive, dream chaser like Griffith, who ends up literally rejecting his humanity out of ambition? But then when I think of more recent neo Griffith chapters, that chapter where Griffith is talking about essentially revolutionizing the educational system in his utopia really stands out to me as an more obviously positive example/consequence of his “ambition”..

I wonder what you think about this? I think in another post you wrote about how, in many ways a lot of berserk is commenting on internalized homophobia/masculinity. Does this play into that?

As always love your posts and thanks for everything you do:) (also I’m really thrilled you liked my recommendation of human sadness!!)

Thank you, and thanks for the ask 💖

I think Berserk's take on dreams is a little nuanced, but falls on the negative side. As that one guy during the troll plotline says, "Dreams can make for courageous challenges but also opportune escapes."

Or much earlier you have Guts' Statement(TM): "The cost of ambition too great is self destruction." Which definitely feels like a narrative statement to me, not just reflective of Guts' character. Dreams are what motivate people to become apostles or godhands, dreams are what ruin everyone's lives in the Golden Age, and dreams are generally presented in opposition to genuine healthy relationships, requiring the sacrifice of one for the other.

But I do think Miura showed us the positive side of dreams too, in part to show why they're so seductive and the characters are obsessed with them, and in part just because it's realistic, probably. Griffith's dream of creating a utopian kingdom is genuinely pretty awesome and could do a lot of good in the world. But it was still bad for Griffith on an individual level, because his motivation was essentially a desire to escape from trauma, as neatly illustrated here:

And ultimately in Berserk, that's what dreams tend to boil down to. They're ways of coping with trauma, and they're not particularly healthy ways. They're band-aid solutions to make someone feel better about themselves that don't solve the deep-seated issues causing pain in the first place.

I have a post here that gets into the story's portrayal of dreams a little more in depth, and probably answers your main question pretty well.

And yeah along with that I think you can take that internalized homophobia and/or toxic masculinity reading and apply it very easily - I mean Griffith's dream comes complete with a princess to marry and is placed in direct opposition to his relationship with Guts. Guts' dream is to be the best swordsman ever, so he can be the strongest and most powerful guy around and never be victimized again, and you can at least argue that that plays into some of his shitty arrogance in the latter half of the Golden Age, though it may not be intentional.

I think realistically dreams and ambition are neutral at worst and can be great and have great results and Berserk acknowledges this, but the story itself is much more interested in exploring the negatives, and I feel like that works very well with the story's themes.

Ultimately I do think we're meant to see Guts' initial attitude during the Golden Age, pre Promrose Hall speech, as the more correct one: live for your day to day life and the people you care about rather than for a distant goal. This is a sentiment I think we can see echoed a lot throughout the story, from Godo and co telling Guts to stay with the remaining Hawks rather than going monster hunting, to Troll Arc's old man talking about wanting to escape his hardships at home but ultimately finding greater fulfillment staying with his village, to Guts' realization that he should never have left the Hawks, etc.

[lonepower]

@curlyparmesan replied to your post “hi! guess who's alive! this is just the page from...”:

You made that?? It's so good!! I know nothing about Hollow Knight but it looks so pretty.

​BWEH THANK U 😭-

but also oh man okay now i have to yell because this game. it's like. ok. so the game is about this little bug

(absolute creature. unauthorized fucking thing.) known variably as "the knight", the "little ghost", "pale thing", "small friend"- the point is they don't really have a name, or an identity, or any memories, or any personality, or anything. (spoiler alert: they have all of these.)

the game starts with you entering "Hallownest," a deteriorating subterranean kingdom of bugs that has been slowly rotting for an unknown amount of time as a mysterious infection consumes it from within. the king is missing; the queen has barricaded herself into her home out of an unspecified grief; all but a handful of citizens are dead; and nobody wants to sleep, because if you do the infection will come to take over your dreams and drive you mad. and dying doesn't free you from this because it just fills you with goo and puppets your corpse around! fun.

so your job as this little creature is to find out what's causing the dreaming sickness and put a stop to it.

there is a way you are supposed to put a stop to it. this is the easiest, worst, and most horrifying ending.

describing the story any further would delve into spoilers that are absolutely more fun to discover (and going lore-hunting is at least half the fun of the game - make sure to explore everywhere), but like. these little 16 pixels will RIP your HEART from your BODY. they will cause AGONIES. you'll be on the floor crying about bugs and you WILL like it.

as far as gameplay goes, it's a 2D sidescroller/metroidvania style, which put me off it for a long time because i haaaaaaaaaate metroidvanias. i actually started it, got past the first boss (which is a testament to how good it is in and of itself, because usually i get to the first enemy and am just like "nah"), went "oh right I hate metroidvanias," and gave up. and then about three days later i was like, "...but I want to know what happens next." as it turns out, it's actually highly moddable, so I stuck god mode on and played through the entire thing three times in about a month. I've actually weaned myself off of it for a couple of encounters, which is even more impressive! Troupe Master Grimm also headlines my very very very short list of "bosses I not only tolerate, but actively enjoy" (alongside essej from control + tom and hel from ghostrunner. that's the entire list.) combat is... still hard, but can be rewarding - it's mostly timing-based and there's a parry mechanic whose window is so fucking microscopic but actually managing it is really satisfying.

(also, like-

-i can't even go into details because it's BIIIG spoilers but like. the way two of the characters parry. like their stances and stuff. i'm screaming and wailing and tearing out my hair over the Implications of that-)

and the MUSIC too. the THEMES and MOTIFS. the way certain characters' leitmotifs creep into different areas or into other characters' themes... POETIC CINEMA. i could, have, and will continue to listen to the main theme, dirtmouth bgm, and city of tears bgm on repeat for hours. (also bonus favorite boss theme. the fact that this man is not a Tumblr Sexyman(tm) continues to boggle me-)

another thing I really like is that you're not the only adventurer in the world. there's not really a companion mechanic (though there are some upgrades that will give you little minions, and you can kill a clown and he'll give you his son as a reward), but there's a couple of other characters you can encounter periodically across the game who are on their own quests, which depending on your actions you can help bring to fruition or not. it just feels like the kind of thing you don't see very often? but this kingdom is known in-universe to draw adventurers, and there... actually are other adventurers. idk. it's neat.

anyway. play hollow knight. it will hurt you but you won't regret it.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also re: billions' non-stance against what it's supposedly being critical about, what a grim and totally inadvertent joke it is to have wendy upgrade to her true dream & calling of Helping The Vulnerable ft. at-risk women & youth(tm) or whatever phrasing like. hilarious. 100% there to tell someone they're Awesome &/or to stop being a Pussy and billions would never imagine that wendy would ever have to deal with such vulnerable members of the populace who she'd also find personally offputting cringe comp loser style. and i guess if someone was offputting in a like, entitled violent asshole way, well that's just fascinating & perhaps epic, as per her entire history being the on-call performance coach personal manager of emotions & (occasionally reciprocated) enabler for axe & his superior Pscintillating Psyche

and i mean, again. all these kids having these godawful fucking parents? well even after axe fucks off to superhell of course one of his kids is just Here larping him no problem. chuck's having those family dinners and Of Course wendy is! didn't matter enough whether prince's kids actually told him to fuck off to touch on that, good enough that the One Guy there having the most (but not fully) unmitigated downfall is punished by effective divorce, b/c vengeful ruination of your pseudo/romantic partner's romantic partner is beautiful when axe does it towards wendy (itself such a fucking case study in Billions What Are You Fucking Talking About & Airing like after axe becoming increasingly violent and violating towards wendy we're really having that lead to a lingering, Completely affectionate pseudoromance culmination??? also their entire relationship & axe being horrible to wendy followed by "aw that's fine" or "aw that's beautiful actually [interminable "romantic" finale scene]" has been a torment)

billions of course devoting all this focus to how chuck sr. is horrible in general & specifically to his son but like will we end with chuck jr. actually being done with this guy? no, we end with more affection towards chuck sr's bullshit like aww he does everything to toughen you up for your own good b/c he cares aw gee :') like If Only he dropped dead just in time for the finale as a tradeoff there, or you know, we Don't have a touching moment where mister abusive father's entitlement to be that abusive father is framed as something of significance and sympathy. aw at least he means well! that's what really matters here.

and like the Most [actual dis/rupture of an abusive relationship] around is plausibly taylor sending off their shit father douglas, wherein billions a) surely meant from the start for douglas to be shitty and b) also surely meant from the start for him to likely not show back up again anyways after the original guest starring half season arc there. and still, like, i mean the most anybody ever gets cheered up around here is someone takes a grand ten minutes to treat them to a drink or something like that, but while it's relevant & believable that they're upset in the aftermath & i dunno angry that these other mfs orchestrated this to hurt them and all that, like, taylor's family situation becomes irrelevant after that arc's done with. naturally they're not further Punished or anything, and they then similarly & repeatedly take stances against & break with axe as their pseudo father, & they finally touch on it again as this potential way to offer some advice / emotional support for philip & his own random pseudo father, although i guess arguable whether billions' isn't like "ohh fucked up to choose Business over the important relationship: fake dad mentor" like plausibly & who cares. as ever, that taylor's material continues to be more likely to indeed actually be in contrast to everyone else's, as that Foil from the start, just that also ooh it can't do it too much & this power that the role thusly has means whoops we'll always be shortchanging taylor & pushing them aside to prioritize other more Normal Winners & S1 roles b/c we aren't willing to have taylor upstage them in screentime or importance Lol Lmao

meanwhile also wendy just Is prince so not like that ruins any points billions is purporting to make

and rian that supposed idealist's idealist is absolutely Never to experience any consequence for just casually being this abusive coworker/friend to winston the entire time, not even a consequence of the show reflecting on it for a moment save to relish it, and then rian is so lacking in any evident Actual Ethical Stances that we just have to last minute out of nowhere make up some arbitrary reason she's uh totally quitting coincidentally just in time, after like the question of [how tf is rian supposedly more concerned about ethics at all? or more than taylor? please explain in any words how rian can possibly consider herself noncapitalist. or learned anything at all while she was around] being neatly answered by: never addressing it in the least (left to also grimly conclude that another Assumed Logical Premise is that the biggest stance possible Against [xyz] is to fix it from the inside. mostly with vibes) like oh wow how great it is that rian is off to do the equivalent of axe between s4 & 5 & Purchase this beautiful travel experience which, wow, how great that when this arbitrary Moral Issue suddenly cropped up for her to care about so much that it frees her as Too Good For This (not a Disruption that stems from like, taking issue with #finance, or any of the bosses, or the general workplace, or herself, fitting in just great the whole time, and only Increasingly: just this red line of the suggestion she'll need to cheat on homework ever, which she could also simply have responded to by going "uh, no i won't" but again they Had to make something up b/c rian has no reason to Morally Transcend & whatever hints of character rian ever got going are tamped down & contradicted and the only way to present anything she does as comprehensible is to always have her just Say the factual explanation for why she's doing whatever at any given time) it's also not before she got all the money she personally wanted anyways! whew! not unlike wendy only having to think her career was in shambles b/c she leapt into a ridiculously avoidable sabotage not even as a choice of Principles except the principle of "ugh i don't feel like taking this principled stance anymore" but then oh it's okay, besides complaining about it to everyone else for a while now there's no cost & you can do your career pivot anyways. except Even Better b/c rian getting everything she wanted, no cost, no principles, required even less effort / intervention from anyone (none, apparently. okay)

and that little detail of billions' fond sendoff to winston actually being a fond little fête for wags and celebrating the culmination and the whole of all the dehumanization & abuse & power structure enforcing violence against winston, to no consequence but gains for all supporters of this within the show or viewing. and did i mention the tiny detail that wendy is no different from prince while supposedly he's the sicko and she's the savior. oh and the ways wendy always treated taylor, actually she was correct to be In Charge Of them and we're just all pretending taylor was never hurt by this b/c haha that doesn't matter. and taylor as ever having the actual perspective / motivation / stance that makes them most counter to whichever bullshit central man you choose means oh sorry they're on the backburner in this series finale arc taskforce and ooh sorry even in the end they're not quite as good as wendy our hero or rian too good too pure! while giving them the actually better and more coherent ending kind of akin to how the best gift winston could be given is everyone forgetting he exists b/c he's out of their field of vision & they're not currently interested in his role in their power trips, but like, billions absolutely doesn't intend that as some Reward, and billions also went Disinterest Mode b/c they didn't want to use him for power trips & forgot he exists.

and again, that wendy just Is prince. this might say something about that apparent Reform(tm) stance re: ah the realest & utmost form of opposing something is trying to fix it from the inside

[hibernationsuit-remade]

1, 8 & 11 for Toby, + 2, 10 & 13 for Klara? 🤍

1./ What was your muse's personality like as a kid? How has it changed since then?

HE WAS QUIET & CALM!!! or at least tried to be bc apparently that's what people wanted him to be and so he was like "ok so i gotta act every time sure </3". He used to mostly concentrate on himself and barely had any time to get friends outside school (also not good) so he just ended up (at least looking) very reserved.

Once he left his family he started actually being himself - talkative, curious and trying to be social. Clearly he still prefers smaller crowd more than big crowds, BUT at least he has actualy friends now.

I'd also say that his stance on failing has also changed. Back then he'd be always afraid to do something wrong and strived for perfection. Nowadays he doesn't care. If he fails, well, there's always other chances. Most of the times. Not that it doesn't stress him anymore 🙄

8. Did your muse have a best friend? Friends? Who did they hang out with as a kid? Are they still friends?

They had a small friend group but all of his friends were also more study/success oriented so they didn't really get to hang out like children should that often. And no they aren't, they lost contact after high school :(

11. What expectations were placed on your muse as a child? Who had those expectations for your muse? How did your muse feel about them?

Very high expectations. His social environment was Obsessed (tm) with not only academic success, but also success in things like sports and other hobbies. His parents (talking about his mother & stepfather in this situation) wanted him to really meet their expectations and thus he. well. barely had any free time outside studying and hobbies and figure skating 😭

At first, when he was very young, he really didn't realize that it's not that good (tm) snd fully went along with it. Slowly he started to realize that maybe there's more to life, but hey, kinda hard to change anything right now?

I think his "resistance" began with when he was 15, with his last skating performance (he would've won a gold metal btw. if he didn't fall) that fucked his knee very badly 😵‍💫 That made him fully go "I'm so fucking tired of this shit </3" and stop taking part in it no matter how much his parents objected to it. Then he slowly started to, like, try and put more free time in his schedule to pursue things he likes and learn more about his favorite topics, and to start actually hanging our with people.

Of course, his parents were like "oh well at least u can make us proud by going to medical school" and like, as usual, at first he went along with it. BUT then he realized that nope, he does Not want that and applied to study his fav subject, chemistry. This then led to a big argument after which Tobias was like "u know what i'm done, i'm leaving and never seeing you again" and he actually did that. Good for him.

2. Where did your muse grow up? What was their home like? Did they like where they grew up?

Klara's from San Francisco area! Her home was quite big (I mean. parents being high-rank ppl at corporations etc etc.) and her family was v nice. They had lots of relatives and either visited them or they came to visit often. She really liked it a lot, though she wishes her parents weren't away as much as they did.

10. What responsibilities did your muse have as a child? Chores? Babysitting? How good were they at fulfilling their responsibilities?

Washing dishes sjdjfjjffk That's why she absolutely Hates It. Mind you, she was good at it, but the whole "put your hands under the running water to wash a plate" was not her thing.

Not an actual chore of hers but she loved the whole "spring cleaning" thing tho <3

13. What did your muse want to be when they grew up? Did they have any childhood dreams, and have they achieved them?

In no specific order, she wanted to be a writer, a firefighter, a ceo (forgot abt it after a week) and a teacher.

Her childhood dreams included helping others with her job (not really achieved yet but she'll probably get there), having a place to call home w/ someone she loves (achieved <3) and to do what she wants (partly achieved) ehehe <3

oc childhood asks

[genderkoolaid]

Compassion and nuance is for everyone, not just the people you like or who have never done anything questionable or in poor taste or stupid or harmful in their lives. The end goal for bigots should be that they see the error in their ways, make amends and become better people, not a power fantasy in which we get to become the exact things we should hate.

Will that always happen? Of course not. Should we stop reacting to bigotry and fascism with violence? No, intimidating fascists into silence is a good thing. But violence should be something we unfortunately have to do to keep ourselves and each other safe. It shouldn't be something we seek out. And we shouldn't make bigots out to be two dimensional, inhuman monsters who commit evil acts for evil's sake. Because that is just distancing ourselves from our own, very human, capacity for violence and bigotry.

And, look. If you personally fantasize about committing acts of violence on your oppressors to vent and deal with the trauma of being oppressed, this isn't really about that. Your personal feelings&thoughts are personal and don't necessarily mean anything for your actions. I don't want to shame individuals for having normal emotions and thoughts in private.

What concerns me is when people start putting that into their activism, and start coming up with dreams of torturing Bad People(tm), dehumanizing people instead of focusing on progressive solutions and restorative justice. When fighting TERFs goes from "I will do what I have to in order to protect trans people, including violence if needed" to "I want to brutally murder every TERF I possibly can in the worst ways possible."

At the end of the day, why do you fight? Is it because you believe that people have a fundamental capacity for good, and everyone deserves respect and justice and happiness? Or is it because you hate certain people and want them to suffer? Because while violence, in my opinion, is inevitable in terms of deep social change, it's only one very complicated part of the puzzle. If it's all you focus on, you'll burn yourself out and maybe take a lot of other people with you.

Dehumanization and the glorification of violence are crucial pieces of bigotry and fascism. As long as you attach yourself to them, you will always be more vulnerable to those ideologies. A truly radical stance against them means also rejecting these parts of our activism as well.

[system-of-a-feather]

You know, its definitely all of it, but I was thinking a lot about Asian Brand Trauma TM (calling it this for my own comfort cause #MakesItEasier) because I think about that from time to time lately as part of the things I've been reflecting on, and I was watching Blackpinks "Pink Venom" challenge stuff being done on Youtube cause I WAS a KPop fan and still really enjoyed watching dancing (always have even before the fever dream of a KPop phase) and it really got me thinking.

A large aspect I'm noticing of Asian-brand trauma in America is that a lot of people in America look at the produce of some of the really largely complex and deep seeded miss uses and honest to god unsustainable and insane life styles that are normalized and just really REALLY either ignore it, or solely look at the results and romanticize (or worse, fetishize) it.

Like I'm not here to diss on KPop or anything, because I think its a complex issue that I know enough about to know I don't know enough to make a firm stance on it, but objectively the KPop industry is super super super fucked up as a large and that really isn't a secret to the KPop fanbase, its basically entry knowledge. Like a lot of the "idols" are recruited at a really young age and pretty much grilled and grinded into "good idols" - then as idols are often extremely restricted, pushed really hard, and loose a lot of autonomy while also being put into the spot light for something that they got into when they were really fucking young. And that is extremely fucked up.

But it also creates "kings" "queens" people that look, dance, talk, sing, and all in all to the public eye look SUPER amazing and iconic and hot and skilled and a triple threat and SO talented and so SO SO SO many people just shove the history and the knowledge of the thing to he back of the mind because these idols look, talk and act happy and the people love to watch them and go "YES QUEEN ROCK IT MY BIAS" and all that stuff and they really really just do not understand the exchange behind it

And it is really really really just my experience personally with my Asian Brand Trauma that it is so fucking easy for people to look at the result of some Asian Brand Trauma, even fully know and hear the shit that goes on in it, and then just simply ignore / mute it because the end result of a lot of that Asian Brand Trauma is a person that is VERY VERY VERY likable to the public eye, an amazing ICON, and total IDOL and INSPIRATION and - dare I say - A Model Minority

Like its really pervasive and something I can't really deal with at this point with a lot of white people when it comes to trauma talks cause far far far too many of them "struggle" to remember that just cause we look like an idol, look inspiration, look like an icon and a yass queen that a whole lot of traumatic, life stealing fuckery is what made it so we project to everyone like this.

And I'm not saying boycott KPop or that everyone in it is secretly miserable or anything like that, but I just really did have to click in this inherent lack of understanding and the seer ignorance of how much fucked up shit tends to back all those feelings of "wow look at the inspirational Asian" that just gets completely ignored cause they are "an idol" an "inspiration" and an "icon"

Also yes feel free to reblog cause honestly, I'm realizing this is more than a "our system thing" and it's really exhausting.

[lucemferto]

Someone left a very good comment under my video on Technoblade (link) and I thought I’d post it and the reply here, so that more people could see it.

My response under the cut

I was in the middle of editing the next video and in comes you with all of your good points that I want to respond to, how dare you!

Not, but seriously, thank you for your comment! I’m going through your points in order.

1) You bring up a good point about Techno’s retirement and his choice to try and remain non-violent throughout it. The reason why that didn’t register with me so much as character development is because – from the perspective of someone who hasn’t watched every stream and only kept up through clips and compilations – the change felt very … uneven. I don’t know, if there was like a character journey or some-sort of soliloquy or something like that, but to a viewer like me, it didn’t pick up. It felt like they knew what they wanted to do with the Butcher Army and didn’t give too much thought as to how he got from End of Season 1 à Beginning of Season 2.

But honestly, that’s a minor nitpick, there’s worse cases of character inconsistency on the server, so it’s not something I would hold against him.

But this kinda ties into a bigger point, that I feel like I didn’t articulate well enough in the video: My problem with Techno’s worldview being reaffirmed has less to do with anarchy being good, but more that Techno’s disproportionate use of violence is shown to be the effective and ultimately “right (?)” way to go about it.

Like, it would have been really nice – also from an emotional conflict point of view – to have Techno seriously struggle with whether he should return to his violent ways, even after the Butcher Army event. Frame it like a tragedy, where the viewer is aware that this isn’t healthy for Technoblade – an ultimately self-destructive spiral that betrays what he came to learn about violence during his retirement.

But that’s not how it plays out – instead it serves 2 narrative purposes: 1) facilitate cool team-ups like Techno & Tommy and later Techno & Dream and 2) evoke classic action tropes ala John Wick and 80’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. There’s no time to reflect or to gather himself, to pick himself up from his lowest point – instead he immediately unveils his vault full of withers like he’s Morpheus from the Matrix. It’s pure power fantasy at that point – and with the Butcher Army posing frankly no threat at all, the stakes for Techno couldn’t be lower.

 2) This one is complicated, in my opinion, because I still believe that through framing and allusion, L’Manburg, in Season 1 in the very least, is positioned as a Symbol of Good. It represents freedom from Dream’s oppression and the framing of stuff like Tommy’s last speech around the L’Mantree definitely communicates on an extradiegetic level that L’Manburg is meant to be seen as good.

But you’re right, that – even during Season 1 – there are points where we are shown the dark sides of the nation. What I’m unsure of is how much of that is intentional use of grey morality and how much of it is funny bits from early on, when the writing hadn’t yet solidified the themes it was trying to communicate.

In Season 2 though, your guess is as good as mine. It’s just very … difficult to pin down at what shade of grey L’Manburg is operating or rather how we, the viewers, are supposed to perceive them. Like, the reason why the Butcher Army event sticks out so badly in my mind is that there’s so little build-up to it – from the perspective of Tubbo’s and Fundy’s character (Quackity is a … special case). They’re just suddenly so cartoonishly corrupt – which, I need to emphasize, I’m not against having a Tubbo Corruption- or Villain-Arc. I would be very here for it. But during Tommy’s exile, when they had ample time to build up Tubbo going down a dark path – which would have been especially cool if they had involved Phil in that – they didn’t take it. Tubbo’s just spinning his wheels and then – BOOM – he evil, corrupt government. For me, it just seems sloppy.

As for the destruction of L’Manburg – here’s where I would talk about suspension of disbelief. Like, yeah, there’s six people living in L’Manburg, three of which comprise the government – so it’s really neither a nation nor a government, it’s barely an apartment complex. But we’re meant to understand it as a full nation – and as such, I still think the complete obliteration of it was a Bad Thingtm to happen. That’s the hard stance I have to take.

I read Ghostbur kind-of like the stand-in for the general populace – the people who were disenfranchised by what took place. Because when they don’t have extras to fill that role, a main character has to sort-of “symbolize” it (similar to how Niki was the stand-in for the “rebellion” in Manburg).

Overall, the problem that I have with Doomsday – aside from my problems I have with Technoblade’s character specifically – is that it’s just so muddled in what it’s trying to say. It doesn’t read as moral complexity, but just like a bunch of half-ideas that weren’t properly developed and ended up not meshing at all. Dream’s victory is framed as a bad thing – something that’s reinforced by the Season 2 finale – but from Techno’s side the destruction of L’Manburg is a triumphant moment?

Is it to show that L’Manburg was always just a shallow symbol? But Tommy, Tubbo, Quackity and Ghostbur never let go of it and are not framed as delusional or in the wrong. Again, the Season 2 finale explicitly frames Tommy’s attitude to attachment as in the right. Is it karmic punishment for Tubbo’s and Quackity’s descent into corruption? Tubbo’s arc was sloppy at best and his “epiphany” came completely independent from Technoblade and L’Manburg’s destruction. And Quackity played barely any role in Doomsday.

The people, who denounce L’Manburg like are either shown to not be in the right state of mind, like Niki and Fundy, or are still extremely traumatized by excessive amounts of violence, like Ranboo.

I hope, I could make my points clear. Again, thank you very much for your insightful comment, which helped me recontextualize a few of my own misgivings with Technoblade and Doomsday.

[alexthelucario]

Pugneon, brawler pokemon ボクシア (bokushia) 

027. owa dex

Fighting

Ability: steadfast 

Hidden ability: iron fast

85.7%♂️ 12.5%♀️ 

Egg group: field

Height: 4’06”

Weight: 90.3lbs

E.v. yield: +2 atk

Body style: Bipedal

Footprint: dog’s paw

Color: grey

Pugneon is the fighting type of eeveelution, alongside vaporeon, jolteon, flareon, espeon, umbreon leafeon, glaceon, and sylveon. It evolves from eevee by leveling up when it’s attack is higher than it’s defense. 

Biology: pugneon is a bipedal, grey, canine pokemon. It is the only eeveelution to be TRULY bipedal. Pugneon wear bandages on their bodies. Males have them on their bellies, while females have them on their chests.

Game data: 

Pokedex entries: 

Hopes: Pugneon has quite the sweet tooth. They love candy and cakes, but prefer not to eat them, because they don't want to damage it’s health. 

Dreams: they train endlessly until they can lift a Golem. They don’t stop unless it has to eat, sleep, ect. 

Wishes: These pokemon don’t really have a problem with dressing up, so they win a lot of contests. 

Deep black: then these pokemon are sad, all you need to do to cheer it up is to give it a doughnut. They love doughnuts. 

Vast white: these pokemon were first domesticated when a starving one was given a cookie. That moment caused studies and discovered a new evolution of eevee.

How to evolve: level up eevee with its attack higher than it’s defense. 

Stats: hp:95 atk:130 def:65 sp.atk:65 sp.def:60 spe:110 bst:525

Learnset: level up

Evolution: reversal

Lv.1: tackle

Lv.5: sand attack

Lv.9: baby-doll eyes

Lv.13: quick attack

Lv.17: mach punch

Lv.20: arm thrust

Lv.25: drain punch

Lv.29: power-up punch

Lv.33: low sweep

Lv.35: frictious drag

Lv.37: close combat

Lv.41: odor sleuth

Lv.45: superpower

Lv.50: stance shift

Lv.55: last resort

Learnset: tm and hm

All of eevee’s tm and hm learnset

Tm08: bulk up

Tm31: brick break

Tm36: focus blast

Trivia: joel chose its japanese name to mimic the other eeveelution’s japanese names

Name origin: pugnea, latin for fight, eon, referring to how long it takes to evolve

Jap name origin: boxer: it punches things. 

[limelocked]

one thing that really confuses me about a lot of the server members treatment of dream and also the the fandom reacts to it is, even if you for some fucked up reason think the inhumane treatment is okay, while the 'official' stance is that dream will be in the prison forever, multiple members have slipped up and admitted they think he'll get out at some point. So like you're tormenting and celebrating the torment of someone you think will one day get out, and no doubt seek revenge? That's dumb.

im gonna have to stop putting off this response since theres theories that wilburs getting revived today in like two hours or something and i have words i need to say before that

i think the characters either ooc slip up because they know as players in the rp that dream wont be in there for Forever TM but i also think that... they kept him alive to revive people right? either theyre gonna have to come to dream in his lil toolbox or theyre gonna have to transport him out to an area where the revival will take place and yeah like...

celebrating the torture of a man that in some sense will leave his cell one day and maybe make a run for it... and even if he doesnt seek revenge like... youve just broken a guy

[ruthlesslistener]

9/12/19/24 for THK? You can pick n choose which ones you wanna do, or do all four, idm. I just wanna hear about The Bean (tm)

9) What calms them when they are upset.

-The positive answer: stimming! Things like swinging their nail to feel the whoosh and the weight of it, rocking slightly from foot to foot, listening to music and feeling it vibrate through their jaws, focusing on how heavy their armour is, tapping their claws on the hilt of their nail, other little sensory things like that. 

The negative answer: disassociation. They spent most of their life just zonkered out to fuckswhereville, and since that’s usually easier to hide than stimming- because there’s no movements or outside influence to help steady themselves, they just need the stress to trigger them to zone tf out. It’s...not good 

12) How they sleep.

-Like the dead, lol, though their horns make things a little complicated. When they were the Pure Vessel, they’d either sleep flat on their chest or in the same stance their mom preferred to sleep in (back against the wall, head down, sleeping like Ghost at the bench), but after they leave the temple, they vastly prefer curling up on their good arm into a tight little ball. Post-temple, they also rediscover their burrowing instincts, so it’s not uncommon to see them try to bury themselves into the blankets to protect themselves, or to end up making comfortable nests to sleep in. They def. took after their dad on that front, but the military-grade pad they slept on in the Palace didn’t really offer that option for them, so they didn’t know until AFTER all their shit got fucked

19) When they feel safest

-They...don’t really feel safe most of the time :( But if I had to guess, it’s when they’re in the least amount of pain, their nail is close, they’re full of soul, and their family is nestled against them. They know their siblings can protect themselves, but they’re a protector by nature, and they want them close by even if they know they’re technically the weakest of the three right now. But two young godlings (or, one and a half godlings) are powerful wards against bad dreams, and they love them dearly, so...there’s your answer. They just wanna cuddle their family, man

24) What they wish they could change about themselves

-Okay I was going to do an actual detailed answer on this, but the answer is everything. Except for maybe the fact that they are a powerful warrior, but even then, they only take pride in that fact because they want to be able to protect their siblings...something that they failed in, regardless of their skill with blade and soul

[anika-ann]

Errare Humanum Est - Pt.21

Two Confused Men, Two and Half Culprits

Type: series, soulmate AU series  (part 1, part 2)  x Supernatural

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader     Word count: 3780

Summary: Jarvis is the half culprit. I wonder who the two confused men could be…. Hint: for once, it’s not Sam and Dean.

Warnings: swearing, brief angst, nightmare (about drowning), brief mention of blood, guilt trip, attempt at humour

Story masterlist ༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺ 

You woke up, suffocating weight preventing your chest from expanding. You remembered dreaming about water, the light at the surface gradually receding from your grasp. All you could see now was darkness, the pressure against your lungs and the burn in them remaining.

Your throat closed up in panic as you fought to suck some oxygen into your airways.

Vainly.

You trashed around, elbowing the warm mass behind you that seemed to be pulling you under – only for the grip on you to grow stronger, your ribcage feeling like collapsing any minute.

You struck harder and the vice-like grip on you loosened with a huffed protest. You instantly rolled away—how were you rolling away in the water? What was that sound?

You blinked away the tears that prickled in the corners of your eyes with your previous effort and chased each inhale, your heart hammering in your chest wildly.

Your vision clearing, eyes adjusting to the dark, you came face to face with a perplexed and very much half-asleep Steve.

Oh thank god, you were okay. No water. No drowning. Just Steve’s strength and nightmares combining and resulting in the least pleasant outcome.

His pupils were dilated in horror and he shot up into a sitting position, blinking away his own daze. With a hand still on your chest, you closed your eyes and forced yourself to dial down your fight-or-flight instincts.

You were safe. Steve was safe, with you, definitely not a danger to you. You still flinched when he rasped out the apologetic words, heavy with guilt and concern.

“Oh my god-- are you okay? Doll? Can you breathe?! Does it hurt? I’m sorry. Oh god, I am so, so sorry-”

You raised your hand in his general direction, gesturing for him to give you a sec.

Rationally, you knew you were fine and you needed to chill the fuck out, but it was a bit harder to actually do so.

Steve let you take your time, ominous silence falling on the bedroom. You forced more air to your lungs, the burn slowly dissolving. You focused on the pleasant soreness instead, the result of your first night together after a long time-- what time it was now anyway?

You snapped your eyes open, finding Steve’s motionless form in the shadows, still sitting on the bed. Only this time, his face was buried in his palms, his fingers tangled in his loose golden strands in a brutal manner, and when you looked at him – truly looked – you detected the slightest tremble of his body.

Any pain caused by his crushing embrace vaporized at instant, the urge to comfort him taking over; big time.  

You carefully reached out to him, your fingers curling around his wrist and gently pulling it away – or attempting to. He didn’t move an inch.

“Steve?” you called out softly, surprised by how hoarse your voice sounded and flinched. Steve did as well and you cleared your throat – uselessly, because the problem was somewhere lower. “Steve, are you alright?”

His hands twitched on his face, but he didn’t withdraw them.

“Steve, are you back with me?” you whispered urgently and the only answer you got was a frustrated muffled groan. Your lips curled up in a tight smile, sympathetic. “I’m okay. Are you?”

“Please stop asking me that,” he breathed out, his palms uncovering his mouth only for the words being comprehensible.

“Okay. Okay, I’ll stop,” you promised and wiggled your way closer to him. “Can I touch you further though?”

His ribcage expanded generously with his sharp inhale, but he didn’t respond.

“…please?” you added, pressing further.

“Doll…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his voice breaking simultaneously with your heart swelling in your chest.

“I know.“ At that, he finally allowed you to lower his hand, the other following its suit. Wet eyelashes created a tiny tornado with their furious blinking when his eyes found your face and saw an encouraging soft smile. “Can I hug you now?”

He opened his mouth slowly only for it to fall shut with no sound coming out. He gave a cautious nod and that was all you needed to wrap your smaller form around the big sad bundle of a supersoldier. You basically climbed into his lap, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, planting a kiss on the top of his head before laying your cheek on it.

Huh, that was nice. No wonder he did the same to you as often as he did.

“It’s okay, Steve. We’re okay,” you whispered to his hair, kissing it again. “I love you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“…that’s not what a girl wants to hear when she confesses her love to a guy,” you joked hesitantly, but you could feel his lips curling up in a smile as he breathed in against your skin deeply.

“I love you too,” he cooed, his arms finally sneaking around you and cautiously holding you as close as possible.

“Uh-uh.”

“Exactly what a guy wants to hear when he confesses his love to a girl,” he threw back at you in a hushed voice.

You chuckled breathlessly, swallowing the whine of pain at motion of your chest, and caressed his shoulders without even a thought of letting go.

“Will you be able to fall asleep again?”

“Will you? How are your ribs? Is your breathing okay? I’m really, really sorry, sweetheart. I’ll just lie on the couch-“

“Don’t you dare-“

“Don’t argue with me. I literally just tried to crush your lungs,” he growled, regret radiating off him in waves the size of a tsunami.

“Not intentionally!” you spat back, somehow maintaining gentle tone at the same time. “…right?”

“Of course not! It wasn’t- I would never-- but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen again,” he bargained in the end, sorrowful pools of blue and green shining even in the shadows of your room.

What he said was undoubtedly true. But the picture of having him lying several feet from your reach now (with his mind full of awful scenarios keeping him awake for sure), was unimaginable. Just terrible. Heartless. Not to mention you just got him back!

The solution seemed easy enough, though it was less comfortable; still better than the other option he had offered.

“Then put on your big boy pants and be the little spoon,” you challenged, earning a bewildered look with his eyebrows near his hairline.

“…for real?”

“Yep.”

He observed you for several moments that felt like eternity, while he considered his options. Then he sighed and you knew you won.

“…okay.”

“That’s what I thought,” you smiled at him a lop-sided smile, pulling him down to the mattress again; and he let you.

It was a little ridiculous and definitely strange to switch positions resulting in your arm enwrapping Steve’s thin muscular waist and being glued to his back – not to mention your other arm, where the hell did he usually put the other arm when spooning you? –, but in a way, you enjoyed it, more so when after a moment, his hand covered yours, careful not to apply too much pressure.

It was still the first night after you regained your memories; there was no way you even considered anything that involved Steve not being pressed to you without an inch remaining between your bodies an option.

You scooted even closer to him; you fell back into a more peaceful sleep in no time.

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

Steve was very mature about the whole thing – so much that he decided (just like you did) – that you wouldn’t address the matter again. You spent the better part of waking up process making out like your life depended on it and then you might have winced the tiniest bit when Steve brushed your tender ribs, which ended up with him leaving to take a shower.

But not in the ‘oh god, I’m sorry, let me drown in a bathtub’ kind of leave, more like ‘maybe we could at least wait for the evening before we jump each other’s bones again’ kind of leave and it overall felt… rather alright.

With Steve occupied, you moved onto the funnier matters – like going through his closet to find a suitable outfit for your morning shenanigans, while Jarvis kindly replayed a conversation that felt like an ancient history to you.

You found yourself humming under your breath, wondering how good of an opening Tony could give you, when your eyes fell on something that took your breath away; just enough of it to leave some to yell for your soulmate.

“Steve! Steve, come here please!”

There was a crash in the bathroom, rapid pats of his wet feet and he flung out of the door in impressive speed with only a towel around his waist.

“What?! What is it?” he blurted out while he rapidly scanned the room for any danger and you almost felt bad for making him panic.

Almost. Because boy, this was awesome. You held out the t-shirt of your choice to him, amazed nearly beyond words.

“How did I not know you had this?”

Steve blinked furiously, his stance easing when he realized it was a false alarm.

“Christ, doll,” he huffed a relieved breath and sheepishly scratched he back of his neck upon seeing the famous shield on the clothing. “Eh… pretty sure it was a gag gift from Clint…”

“That’s so friggin’ perfect. Can I borrow it?”

His lips spread in a content smile as he walked to you, one hand landing on your shoulder, his lips incidentally catching your temple. “It’s all yours, doll.”

You debated washing your hair when Steve let you use the shower afterwards, but a little devil on your shoulder told you that ruffled hair and overall sleepy lookTM would work much better for you. You smiled at the reflexion with satisfaction, re-entering Steve’s bedroom, giddy.

“So, what do you think?” you asked him cheerily, spreading your arms and turning a full circle to show off your outfit in all its glory.

Steve looked up from where he was making the bed and froze. For a second, his skin paled to a very dangerous shade of white, his gaze glued to the brand on your torso. It gave you a pause; an amused grin you expected, a heated glare caused by you wearing his insignia maybe, but not the look of utter horror.

As fast as he turned to a statue, he recovered, plastering a smile on his face again – but it didn’t reach his eyes, a shadow of something that twisted your gut uncomfortably remaining.

“Looks good on you,” he stated approvingly and averted your gaze to pat at the mattress pointedly. “Honestly, it kinda makes me want to pull you right back to bed and have my way with you in it only.”

“Hold that thought, Captain, and maybe next time leave a different kind of your brand,” you suggested and added a wink, which seemed to finally erase whatever ugly thought had attacked him earlier from his head. “We have a billionaire to mess with.”

“Every time…” he echoed his words form last night, chasing blood to your cheeks and causing a giggle to spill from your lips.

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

Steve fell into his role as easily as you did; he led you to the kitchen, your shuffling feet giving an impression of you being only half-awake and hesitant about walking the right direction.

Much to your luck, all the occupants of the Tower were already in the kitchen as Jarvis had informed you prior to entering the room. You smiled at each of them sheepishly, letting Steve gingerly seat you on one of the bar stools – not before you had enough time to show off your supposed pyjama.

Your plan was working perfectly as upon your bashful ‘Good morning, everyone,’ each of the poor Avengers got caught in a different intensity of staring. Natasha was tactful enough to revert her gaze shortly after noticing your choice of clothing, only smirking a bit, while Bruce took a little longer. Clint had been in the middle of stirring his cereal with milk, now paused mid-motion, recovering after about ten seconds. Tony was blatantly gawking at you, the pot of coffee in his hand dangerously atilt.

As if you couldn’t see their reaction, you smiled at Steve shyly. “I don’t want to impose, Steve. I can make my own breakfast…”

He only replied with a sweet smile. “You wanted to try eggs and bacon, right?”

“If it’s not too much trouble… but I really-“

“Nat. Let me take care of you,” he pleaded lowly and wow, the gentle but conflicted look he gave you was an Oscar-nominee-worthy thing.

“Thank you, Steven. You’re very kind to me,” you thanked him genuinely, meaning every word. It earned you a wince from five different people (including Steve, who hadn’t seen that one coming) as you used his full name and it took a lot of your strength not to burst out laughing.

Natasha cleared her throat. “So… how are you holding up? Did you sleep well?”

“Very much. Thank you, Ms. Romanoff… uh, you?”

“Natasha is fine, Nat. And yeah.”

Wow. Not even the great spy was onto you apparently – or she was, seeing right through your little stunt and deciding not to ruin your fun, being that much of a good actress.

Not certain about how exactly to proceed from now on, your gaze travelled around the bar, eyes landing on Tony.

He looked like he wanted to say something, but Clint, as if sensing the nature of his prepared exclaim, shut him up with a glare. You, on the other hand, were an incarnation of innocence on the outside, dying of laughter on the inside already.

“What is it, Mr. Stark? I can see you want to say something,” you nudged him gently and fiddled with your fingers nervously as Steve cracked the eggs in a bowl and started stirring.

“Nope. Not really,” the billionaire cleared his throat awkwardly, something so uncharacteristic of him. “And I told you. It’s Tony.”

“Right. Tony. Sorry.” You would swear Steve’s shoulders shook a little as he put the pan on the stove. You worried your teeth over your lower lip, eyeing your outfit. “It’s the clothes, isn’t it? You want to say I look right at home in it, don’t you? And I am branded on top of that…. It’s okay. I can see you’re barely holding the comment back.”

Tony finally put away the pot, his hands seeming rather frantic as he reached for sugar. “Well, I mean,… eh-“

“It’s a sign of a… successful night, right?”

“I didn’t mean to imply, uhm…“ he started, quickly lowering the cup so he could raise his hands defensively, but you interrupted him, mentally biting your cheek as you charmed your best innocent puppy eyes at him.

“-that last night I got thoroughly fucked?”

Exactly four people choked on their own spit; Steve had been expecting it, though the tips of his ears still turned a pretty shade of red and he stopped cooking, removing the pan before he could burn something. Still, at least he could tell which pipe was for breathing unlike the rest of the Avengers.

Natasha was the first to recover, soon followed by Bruce – they both had somewhat knowing glint in their eye now, figuring out what was this about, or at least partly. Smiles were tugging at their lips.

Tony’s face was definitely the most hilarious one. His eyes were bulged, wheels in his hear whirling rapidly, his mouth opened ajar even though he eventually stopped coughing.

Natasha was kind enough to hit Clint’s back, because he was still unable to breathe in.

You smiled sweetly at both the billionaire and the archer who was now taking a sip of water to sooth his sore throat. It was the perfect moment to casually drop the other bomb on them.

“…’cause I was, just FYI.”

The water sprouted out via Clint’s nose and Tony stumbled towards the counter and he gripped to steady himself; he seemed ready to pass out, gaping like a fish out of water, a perplexed crinkle between his eyebrows.

He looked so comical that you broke down. You burst out laughing, clutching the bar so you wouldn’t crash on the floor to roll in laughter.

You could see precisely when he got the light bulb moment, an accusing finger pointing at you, then at the very red but chuckling Steve, who was making his way to you, and then back at you.

“You-! You-… did you-?! When- what—you!”

His stutter sent you into another fit of roaring laughter. Steve’s arms appeared, sneaking around your waist, pulling you to his shaking chest as he stood behind your stool. In attempt to stop laughing, you turned your head to him to catch his lips in a kiss.

“Thanks, Stevie,” you murmured against his mouth, giggling and kissing him again. His embrace tightened.

“When did you get your memories back?” Bruce queried, a wide smile, rather rare for him, on his face.

Steve’s chin rested on your shoulder as you replied.

“Yesterday.”

“Was it the woman?”

“Yes, we believe so,” Steve confirmed, nuzzling your neck as if the others weren’t truly in the room. Was he afraid them might want to steal now when they knew as well? Please. It wasn’t like you were that popular.

“It just took some time to clear that out with Steve and with myself,” you explained, this time a bit ashamed for real. Steve’s fingers caressed your stomach soothingly over the material of the infamous t-shirt.

Natasha was definitely beaming though. “Understandable. I’m happy for you. Especially for making fun of those two, extra points, you guys.”

“Thanks. It felt amazing. Oh Tony, if you could see your face,” you chuckled again, melting into Steve’s frame when Tony glared at you. “I hope Jarvis caught it.”

“I did. Would you like to see it again now?” the AI offered readily.

“That was mean!” Tony accused you. “And seriously, Jarvis, we will have a conversation about your loyalty.”

“It was funny,” you opposed him, hoping he wasn’t truly offended. He wouldn’t, right?

“Yeah, alright, it was funny. Welcome back, sass queen.”

“Thank you. It’s good to be back.”

“So… do we get a hug or is it like Cap’s hands only?” Clint asked with a teasing smile tugging at his lips, apparently not having any hard feelings despite you causing him to nearly choke to death.

Touched, you hopped off your stool and Steve hesitantly released you.

“I’d love to hug you,“ you admitted honestly, not quite expecting the offer. The more surprising it was, the more it warmed your heart. Who would have thought?

Clearly, accepting the invitation was a mistake.

As Steve let you go, they all went for it at once, starting with Tony and Clint, Natasha joining about two seconds before the most reluctant Bruce did. It was lungs-squeezing, bone-crushing and absolutely delightful.

“Dammit, guys,” you sobbed, indescribably moved by the force they embraced you with. Tears gathered in your eyes, threatening to spill soon. You would never imagine such a warm welcome from Steve’s friends.

“Hulk happy,” a roar by your ear made you jump and you caught a glimpse of green on Bruce’s neck; it was enough for the levee to break. You started crying like a little girl.

“Oh, девушка…” Natasha’s soft voice reached your ears and you sobbed again, vainly trying to keep more tears at bay.

“Stop making her cry…” Steve muttered, but didn’t sound irritated at all. If anything, he had a fond smile on his face when you got a glimpse of it between the bundle of bodies. ‘I love you and they do too,’ he mouthed at you then, his eyes glistening with tears as well.

You squeezed your eyes shut and attempted to tighten your grip on four people at once. You weren’t sure about the result, but no one complained.

“Yeah, let’s not shed more tears than necessary. Actually, I think this calls for a party,” Clint exclaimed as he patted your back and released you.

Others reluctantly followed his suit – they had to, because letting out only one person from the bundle of limbs and bodies would be difficult. The moment you were left cold again, Steve snatched you back to his arms at instant, which earned him an amused grin from Natasha.

“Barton. I didn’t believe that the day would come, but you actually became wise,” Tony pronounced dramatically. “Big party?”

“Nah, just family,” the archer opposed jovially and you sunk into Steve’s embrace in hopes not to release fresh tears at being considered family. You would have to somehow deal with your family by blood eventually too, but you selfishly didn’t want to think about it just yet. One step at time.

“I’d say I take it back, but surprisingly enough, I agree.”

“Oh, the end of the world is here…” Bruce lamented since the two clowns agreed on something and you chuckled, enjoying their banter probably more than you should.

“Alright. We might want to ring Drapes from Asgard. He does love his revels,” Tony pointed out and exactly five people agreed.

“No shit.”

You, as the sixth, wavered. Not because you wouldn’t want to see the God of Thunder again; it was just that you didn’t think he owned a cell phone. Oh, and he was also off to another planet, you assumed.

“…how exactly do you call Thor? Is there service on Asgard? That would be crazy, right?”

“I heard crazier,” Clint scoffed, pointing at you and not bothering with being subtle.

“That’s fair.”

“Thor told us to call out for Heimdall if we needed him,” Steve explained to you and while you had no idea who Heimdall was, you shrugged it off. You didn’t want to deal with that right now.

You were back, you had your soulmate, you had friends that, unknowingly to you until now, considered you a family and you wanted to just be and be happy.

“I’ll do that…” Tony’s hand shot up as if he was a first-grader offering to clean the blackboard and you sent a silent wish for Thor to survive whatever Stark planned on doing.

“Good luck. Now… I believed I promised you breakfast, doll,” Steve whispered to your ear, nuzzling in your neck again.

It was very hard not to melt at spot. “I meant it, Steve. I can make my own breakfast.”

“Well, I didn’t exactly wine and dine you before we had our… successful night, so if you let me do this at least…” he teased on the lowest volume possible and you slapped his bicep before he released you to make good on his promise,  the radiant smile on his face lighting up the whole room.

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

Part 22

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

So... I had a lot of fun writing that. I hope you had fun reading :-*

[black-streak]

Waiting for the Worms - Vera

Part 12

Aka, I have no control over myself and SOMEONE on discord maybe urged me on a little. One of these days, one of you are going to ask about the titles for these and I'm going to refuse to answer. Woah, someone remembered that Jason's body was dipped in a crazy pool and he hasn't experienced that before! How fun.

CLOSED beggars: @northernbluetongue @thethirdwheelfriend @shizukiryuu @theatreandcomicfreak @michellemagic @karategirl119 @moonlightstar64 @my-name-is-michell @mystery-5-5 @zalladane @queen-of-the-trash-planet-tm @miraculousdisapointment @dorkus-minimus @jardimazul @allthebooksandcrannies @g-arya @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @persephonescat @mycupisbroken @luciferge @18-fandoms-unite-08 @dawnwave16 @alwaysreblogneverpost @kris-pines04 @mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog @weird-pale-blonde-person @you-will-never-know-how-i-think @kokotaru @naclychilli @slytherinhquinn @clumsy-owl-4178 @ladybug-182 @darkthunder1589 @evil-elf16 @dast218 @lysslovsanime @emilytopaz @naoryllis @iloontjeboontje @thepeacetea @danielslilangel @finallyaniguana @i-like-fairytail-and-stuff @vixen-uchiha @yuulxd @bleeding-heart-romantic @magic-inthe-stars @st0rmy-w1th1n

~---~

Jason knew those eyes, had been haunted by those eyes for months now. Felt the absolute need to protect them from the horrors of the world without a second thought. And now they were in front of him, real and alive and coming from the face of a young, tan skinned boy with pitch black, course looking hair that fell in a rumpled mess across his face, quietly calling out Marinette's name. The name he spent the better part of three years responding to as though it were his own.  But that didn't make any sense, he'd never met this boy before. How did he know her? Was this a repressed memory of hers that her body somehow stored all this time and was trying to inform him of over time? Was this the work of the fear toxin taking hold and showing Marinette's worst fear? That also made no sense. He'd known her since she was six and she'd never mentioned this boy. It also couldn't explain the simplicity of the sight before her. Nothing fear inducing was actually happening. Except he felt on the edge of a panic attack anyways.

Could it be that his worst fear was this boy because of his reoccurring presence in his nightmares and the idea of this being a real child who's gone through so damn much it reminded him of himself, it scared him half to death? Or the fear that perhaps he had truly gone insane and the dreams were an indication of the war he raged inside himself?

Lifting his hands up to his face to block the images, he took note of the size, the coloration, the scaring. This wasn't how Marinette's hands looked. Those weren't Marinette's arms. Looking down, he knew that he shouldn't sit this tall or be this broad or have that long of legs. Nothing made sense anymore and as the hysteria set in, green edged his vision.

"Marinette? Mari? What's happening?" The voice drew closer, sounding concerned and hinting at the slightest touch of nerves.

"Venomous green. Electric, neon. Like Plagg."

That wasn't his voice, was it? He spoke, but that voice was too deep, too husky and masculine to be right. Nothing was right. This felt wrong and yet exactly as it was meant to all at once and he didn't understand. The bright green closed in on him and he felt himself tremble.

"It's the pits, Marinette. You've dealt with them, remember? You know how to fight it, how to calm yourself," the voice stayed where it was at, but he was sure if he looked up, those haunting jade eyes would be right there, staring into his soul.

How could he calm himself? The nightmares never talked to him like this, never told him to calm himself, to take control. He'd never dealt with the green overtaking his vision, not since the very first dream well over a year ago. He never fought it, what was this kid on about? Why was his mind screaming at him? He wanted to lash out, to hit and fight and attack, but his instincts yelled to protect the child and nothing else was here. Grabbing up another knife, he slammed it down, surprised to see it hit into a cushion that landed under his hand right as he moved. 

"Deep breaths, counts of seven with me," the voice was closer, counting for him and he followed without thought. His thoughts narrowed into the numbers, the screaming dulling down to a soft roar in the background, the green settling down until it disappeared entirely and still the counting continued on until his breathing became his own.

"Back with me?"

"What the fuck is going on?" He hissed out, fear and nausea piling up.

The kid's eyes widened and then narrowed as he backed up, grip tightening on the blade still in his hand. He opened his mouth and hesitated for half a second before he asked, voice demanding and sharp, leaving no room for argument, "Jason?"

Jason reeled back, having not heard that name since the accident, "How do you know that name?"

"She's been going by it for as long as I've known her."

"Who?!"

"Marinette."

His breath caught in his throat, shoulders dropping from their defensive hunch, unable to speak for a moment. He stayed still, processing as the boy across from him moved around the other side of the kitchen counter, swiftly grabbing the knife block and dropping it off on the counter furthest away from Jason.

"How?"

"She told me she woke up in a grave. Had been in there for quite some time. Dug out and landed in a coma for a year. My- Talia found her after she woke up. Took her back to the league and dropped her in the pits. That was about-"

"A year and a half ago."

"Yes… how do you know this?"

"Saw the acid green at night, didn't know what it was."

"She mentioned the connection cutting when she died. I guess the pits could have healed that as well."

"And she met you about nine months ago, then. Or at least something significant happened. I recognize your eyes." 

"I might have approached her around that time, I suppose."

"How old are you?"

"Seven."

"Fuck kid, tell me half of what I saw wasn't real?"

"Depends on what you saw, but I would assume so."

"Fucking hell. And so what, she just up and ran? Took you with her? Mari's alive? Been alive all this time and I didn't know?"

"Something like that," the kid slid closer, carefully prying the knife from his hand. Realizing he still held it, had thrown one at the boy only minutes before, he abruptly let go, letting it clattered onto the counter below where the kid swiped it off and put it with the others out of immediate reach. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes as he came to terms with Marinette's state of living. Dug herself out of his grave? A coma? Talia. He couldn't wrap his brain around it. If the dreams were all visions, his sweet little soulmate had killed. Had fought for her life so often it felt like routine. Had suffered and lost so much, had seen this child going through the same things and put her foot down. Had ran for her life, kid in tow, no guarantee of survival, while he lived with her parents. No villains to defeat, no league to push him or force his hand. He hadn't even been grateful. Just depressed and angry while she went through a hell ten times as brutal. From the look the kid gave him, she didn't even talk terribly of him like he deserved. Otherwise he was sure the kid would have that knife worked up to his throat by now, demanding her back. Granted he didn't look happy, but his stance wasn't openly hostile yet.

Shit, he didn't deserve her and yet joy spread through him like a whip. She was alive. She was okay and had a little family of her own and had moved on through it all and he felt so damn proud and joyful to know she was alive all this time. Despite the horrible circumstances and atrocities she obviously faced in her time as him, she had been alive and not taken to an early grave. She turned seventeen last week no matter what body she did so in. The Joker hadn't taken her from him despite his best efforts. She was too strong, too persistent and capable. Marinette was alive and the pure happiness that shocked him to his core left him shaking and breathless.

"Calm down, you'll work yourself up again. She never told me you were an emotional mess."

"Shut it, kid. You would freak out if you found out someone you thought dead for three years was alive too."

"Tt. You won't survive a week with the madness."

"The madness? What's that supposed to mean?" Jason felt his hackles rising and had to remind himself of the emotional lockdown from his time fighting Hawkmoth to stamp it down. The kid obviously meant a lot to Mari and he wasn't about to make an enemy of himself.

"The acidic green and screaming in your head I had to talk you down from? That was an aftereffect of being dipped in the Lazarus pit. Marinette has no problem controlling it now. Should have known it wasn't her the second you couldn't force it into submission yourself," the kid gave a haughty sneer, turning his nose up.

"And the first time it struck her? Did she have such control then?"

The boy seemed to wilt at that, looking down in shame, "No."

"What happened?"

"I made a mistake. Someone almost got to me and she lost it. Killed everyone in the vicinity."

"And that was towards the beginning?"

"No. She wasn't allowed in the training room with me until she had the madness locked down. It wasn't even our first mission together. It was my fault she lost control. She would've been fine had I not messed up."

Jason immediately felt bad for chastising the kid for his attitude. He obviously felt uncomfortable looking at a familiar face and yet talking to a virtual stranger.

"Hey, relax kid, I'm sure she doesn't see it that way and wouldn't want you to either. She probably just did what she thought necessary to protect you, even if you don't agree with her methods. Trust me, I'm familiar with them," he offered with a self deprecating chuckle.

The boy seemed to soften, looking at him with curious eyes, "You really are her soulmate," he stated, almost coming off as a tease, "It's Damian by the way."

"Huh?"

"You've been calling me kid for the last half hour. My name is Damian."

"Whatever, kid," he smirked as Damian's lips twisted in annoyance, "Wait, did you say half hour?"

"It took a while to calm you down," he shrugged.

Suddenly it hit Jason where he had been. What had been happening that sent him into that panic.

"Fuck!"

The kid startled, looking at him like he lost his rocker, which okay, that was fair.

"What now?"

"The place I was at. It got attacked when we switched. She had to have taken in some fear toxin, who knows what type of effect that has on her!"

"Attacked? She'll be fine, Marinette's the beat fighter I know," Damian seemed to calm at that, almost offended at his inferring her inability to handle the situation.

"Was she exposed to fear toxin in the league?"

"Fear toxin? I'm not sure what that is, but her immune system was adapted to handle several poisons. Every league members' is."

"You mean this body was. This body's immune system was adapted."

That seemed to throw him for a loop, stiffening up, but he persisted, "Her mind has taken on the chaos of the pit, surely fear pulsing through as well couldn't be worse."

"As well! Her soul was in that pit, not just this body. Meaning the madness probably latched on to her soul as well. In an unadjusted body, with the jolt and panic of being launched into her old body in the middle of an attack with fear toxin coursing through it."

The air about Damian seemingly crashed around him and the small shoulders begin to shake as reality settled in, "she's going to lose herself again, isn't she?" He half whimpered, trying to push it down to sound less weak infront of Jason, but he was obviously afraid. Jason flinched, remembering the kid's age once more and that he probably should have just agreed to keep him calm. 

"We'll track her down. You can ground her, you're good at that, right?"

He nodded, "Can't you just switch back, instead? Give Marinette back?"

"It doesn't work that way kid. You can resist the tug when it comes, but you can't force the tug itself."

"Give her back! She's probably a mess right now, I need to help her!"

"I can't, kid. I'm sorry. We'll find her though, I promise. I know where she is. Where are we? The faster I can map out a route, the sooner you'll be with her. Tell me and then get changed, we'll leave now."

As the kid ran to what was presumably his room, rambling out an address, Jason was surprised to realize how close they were. Marinette lived in Gotham. He shouldn't feel so surprised.

He forced himself to the other room, rummaging through a drawer until he found clothes to shove on and walked towards the door, Damian running up behind him. As his hand touched the doorknob, his mind yanked him back and without any warning, he was thrown into Marinette's body once more.

[thinkingbookthoughts]

Strange the Dreamer, post read thoughts.

I just finished it last night, and hoo boy was it a read. This is the first book I’ve read by Laini Taylor, and it’s got me wanting to read more. I’m starting Muse of Nightmares tonight or tomorrow, and maybe after that the Daughters of Smoke and Bone trilogy. Anyway, [spoilers probably]:

First off, I don’t care for fantasy. I tend to have little patience for made up words (yes, I know all words are made up, you know what I mean) and hyper detailed world building. I enjoy the fantastical, but fantasy as a genre generally bores me to tears. I don’t want to read about fake cultures when I could be learning about real ones. That’s personal taste, whatever. Taylor however, writes it almost exactly the way I want to read it. She dips occasionally into exposition dumps, but I find it nowhere near as tiresome as the typical Tolkienesque approach. Even then, I’m interested. She’s created such a wonderful world that I want to know whatever she’s going to give me, and uncovering some new detail feels like a treat, not a slog. My eyes still glaze over at all the made up words and politics, but everything else makes up for it.

What keeps this book interesting to me is definitely not the plot though. I have no major issues with it, it’s fine, whatever. But it falls into the category of legendary fantasy tale that generally I have no interest in. Hero’s journey and all that. I find it boring. Again, personal taste, whatever. I tend to enjoy character driven more than plot driven anyway, and this book is absolutely character driven. The story itself is so simple I might even go so far as to call it formulaic, but the people who carry it are something else. When their hearts break, so does yours. I won’t lie, she does go for some easy gut punches, but they do still feel earned and in their place. She’s not afraid to let you dislike her heroes. Except maybe Lazlo, I’ll talk more about him later (though I feel like the sequel may challenge him more). Most of the people that we grow to like are complicated. They’ve done terrible things, or harbor toxic beliefs, but they’re also justified to a certain extent. And to what extent that is, is left up to you.

She does kind of beat you over the head with her themes, but I mean, this is technically YA. It’s not terribly clumsy, you just find yourself wanting to go, “OK I get it! Move on!” every once in a while. But that’s a hard line to toe as a writer, and as far as shortcomings go, it’s really not that big of a deal. I’m willing to forgive it, anyway. Sometimes you can feel when the “correct” answer is coming through, usually because Lazlo is taking a hard line moral stance, but it never felt so overwhelming to me that it seemed like right and wrong were being truly dictated. It’s not perfect, and writers are allowed to have opinions, so eh.

In general, I’m a big fan of her writing style. I get the feeling the novelty would wear thin if I read all of her books back to back, so I won’t lmao, but from the one I’ve read I love it. She has issues with repetition to the point where it crosses from emphasis to unnecessary and redundant pretty often, but god I am a simp for flowery prose, so I will forgive it. If I had to describe the way she writes to someone who is deciding whether or not to read it, I’d say that she writes like those verbose, rich paragraphs you find on tumblr. You know, where someone has had a few nice sentences flow into their head, but they aren’t going to expand on it so they post it as is, without the context that might make it anything more than pretty words. (No shade, but... look they’re not exactly high art, ok?) Except that she’s actually written the book. And I find it a very pleasurable experience. Like I said, I am a simp for all things purple. If you’re not, you’ll probably hate it.

It can, at times, absolutely feel indulgent, but in a way the whole book is. I mean the fantastical elements of this story really go hard. She’s not really attempting realism here. Grounded (enough), sure, but definitely not realistic. And it’s fine by me. I’m willing to give a story a lot of passes if I feel like the writer has earned them in other ways. I don’t care if every little detail is what would really happen. Not at all, actually. If I wanted realism I’d go outside. I’m reading a book, not a newspaper.

One example is what I saw described as the “insta-love” between Lazlo and Sarai. Personally, I had no issues with it. It felt earned and in place in the context of the story. It makes sense for the two characters, both of whom are young and have felt painfully isolated for their entire lives. And then in walks someone with a mutual attraction, who can interact with them and appreciate them in a way no one else ever has. Yeah of course they fall in love. Even if the relationship wouldn’t have worked out long term, it makes total sense that one would have started. And as for how quickly it happened, eh. They literally met in a dream, what do you want?

There are plenty of other crimes that I’m sure I would defend, but here’s one I won’t. Thyon Nero. He is so criminally underutilized in this story, I question his place in it at all. Which is a goddamn shame because I love me a petty bitch like Thyon. It feels like he’s all wasted potential. In a sea of interesting, well drawn characters, he’s flat as Saskatchewan. Unforgivable. If it had been another character, fine. But Thyon? Come on! We spend enough time with him that he should feel more interesting, but he just doesn’t. There’s an attempt to give him a tragic backstory and whatever, but it’s so cliche (rich pretty boy with an abusive family behind the scenes controlling him and making him feel like a pawn in their game. Snarky on the outside, hurting on the inside, blah blah you’ve heard it a million times.) that I need more! You can’t just give me a scene of him getting whipped by his shitty dad, toss off a sentence about him wanting to free from his family’s exploitation, and then dust your hands and call it a day. UGH. He honestly serves as little more than an occasionally funny, almost interesting character foil for Lazlo. He exists to show you what a good boy Lazlo is. And that’s it. They aren’t even proper enemies. How much they dislike each other in any given scene is directly inverse to how much the plot needs them to get along in that moment. Before they’ve even reached the city Thyon is little more than a mild inconvenience. So why set him up as this scary antagonist??? I’m really hoping the second expands on him. I need more. You cannot dangle a funny bitch like him in front of my face and then do nothing with him! RUDE.

Ok, now Lazlo, I said I’d talk about him. Here we are. Lazlo Lazlo Lazlo. First of all, hate his name. That’s a nothing issue, I just had to say it. Second, he’s kinda lame, huh? I wouldn’t say that he’s underdeveloped, I feel like I have a much better idea of who he is than I do Thyon, it’s just that his development isn’t that interesting. He very much feels like a protagonistTM. He’s passionate and funny, driven and like... always in the right on moral issues. He’s the immediately accepted outsider who’s also able to bring a new, but more importantly, morally correct perspective on their issues. He’s charming, but humble, shy but not enough to actually impede social interaction. I don’t hate him, I’d probably hang out with him if I was on that journey (assuming I wasn’t following Thyon around like the simp I am). He’s just that kind of perfectly imperfect character. His flaws only make him more likeable, he’s never outright wrong about anything. I’ll say it, Lazlo is a Mary Sue.

Lazlo is a Mary Sue and Thyon was wasted on his basic ass. And that’s that on that.

I will let that (correct) declaration wrap this up. It’s way too long already. Thank god not a single person on earth reads these. Small miracles.