#(: doesnt mean im not mad but at least i got a word in

[tacagen]

hunter zolomon, what in the ever loving fuck is going on in your head.

i absolutely fucking love the way he spent so much time working with thawne, had access to every single bit of info in the museum's archives, claims to be an even better flash expert than thawne, SURELY has to KNOW how much of a time altering genius he is from numerous examples (and i doubt any of the 2 epic cringefails are now known to anyone but thawne himself) but still questions eobard's intellectual abilities even more than me here.

hunter. bestie. please name one single thing you were right about besides the clown. please

[kirishwima]

why is it that the moment i get the tiniest bit of praise i become literal putty

[windupaidoneus]

i also thought about. emet showing up in living memory while hilde would be walking around helping people & such, & the one to walk up to them being ere.nville who doesnt really know anything abt him or anything. but emet hasnt changed his appearance yet so its possible ere.nville has seen depictions of him during his time in sharlayan who knows. either way hes a random Living Person in living memory who hilde clearly knows... & its complicated to explain. but i think itd be interesting to have them talk. they have very little in common but emet Knows a lot so i feel like they could talk about animals as much as emet probably winces a bit abt it bc well his experience with creatures in big detail... looks at elpis. looks away. ultimately itd be fun to have him keep the secret that emets alive too. hes not even involved. but it means he & hilde can bond moreeee bc hes putting a big amount of trust in him there

[thatonebipotato]

hm, i had a thought

im gonna bring up the new information we have of bill cipher and also the reverse falls au, so im popping it under a cut for ppl who dont wanna see that. im not too great at expressing my ideas, so if anything is confusing, please ask for clarification. it's entirely on me i promise

OK OK OK, so bill ciphers backstory got revealed. the way it seems to have happened was that his dimension existed on a 2d plane but he had an eye that let him see in 3d, and therefore out his dimension and into the stars. he tried showing them what he was seeing but ended up destroying the universe on accident instead, which drove him into madness.

with the new information we have, its revealed that in therapy bill has been drawing 2 different colored triangles: blue and red. these are his parents, or at least we're pretty much made to assume that.

with the resurgence of gravity falls, ive also been seeing reverse falls coming back, and it got me thinking

now, whos a blue triangle by a different name that we know of?

will cipher, from reverse falls

now listen, will is actually just bill under a different name bc thats how the au works, but with new information, wouldn't it be more interesting if he was actually just bills dad?

will cipher, who was born with an eye that could see out of his dimension, but when the others seemed to think him crazy for it, just kept it to himself

who lived with the knowledge that there was so much more out there, but he was the only one with access to it

who, upon having a wonderful, "normal" son, was so excited to show him the stars that he didn't think about what might happen when he tried

who, upon realizing he just killed his family, along with his whole dimension, falls into grief instead of madness.

will cipher, who gets summoned by a pair of twins and helps them, even when their demands are maybe a bit questionable, because he's determined to keep this family together, and also to try making up for what he's done, even if no one else would know it

or something like that. again, not great at my words lol

obviously, this doesnt have to mean anything, but i just think it would be kinda cool to rewrite the au a little bit with what we know now

i was thinking about how bill draws the blue and red triangles and then started thinking about reverse falls and how there bill is the blue triangle, which means his parents would probably shift colors too, but then i was like "wait what if the colors didnt switch what if the people did". and thats how i came up with this :3

[kooksbunnnn]

Lost cause? 1.5: how could you do this?

Previous chapter

Summary: You always wondered, how would your life turn out to be if you and Jungkook had a baby? So, when you finally conceive and decide to tell your husband that you are pregnant, you didn't expect him to drop this bomb on you. You never would've thought that the surprise you planned would end up in agonized tears because of the shock your husband brings you. 

Warnings: angst, infidelity, heartbreak.

Words: 1.7k approx

Note: this scene takes place when Jungkook tells his hyungs that he cheated on Y/N.

Authors note: an anonymous ask wanted me to write the conversation between the guys when they got to know about Jungkook cheating on Y/N. Here you go!

___________________________________________

“Here” Namjoon offers a glass to Jungkook after pouring the hangover cure in it, awfully silent, both of them.

Jungkook rubs his eyes and cheeks with his sleeve, making Namjoons gaze travel to his bruised hand. Taking the glass from Namjoon’s hand, he bows his head slightly to thank him.

The broken vase on the floor now makes sense to him. Fortunately, he doesn’t have any cuts. Namjoon thinks. He has a bruise, though, which means he must’ve punched something the last night. Before he could ask Jungkook about it, he says,

“Where’s everyone else?”

“In their rooms freshening up.” Jungkook nodded as he swirled the liquid in the cup, sun rays illuminating his face and highlighting the tear stains on his cheeks.

“Um..kook?”

Jungkook hums sniffling as he keeps swirling the cure in the glass, avoiding eye contact, dreading the next words from his hyung’s lips.

“What is this?”

Jungkook looks up to see Namjoon holding his phone up to show him a text conversation.

Mia Aurora Club: hey, its mia. It was really nice meeting you yesterday after such a long time but

Mia Aurora Club: idk how to say this namjoon

Mia Aurora Club: there was this guy with you

Mia Aurora Club: he and I.. we did some stuff and then i found out that he was married. He was drunk and ig he didnt realize soon enough that he doesnt recognize me or idk what happened he just panicked and before i could ask he vanished

Mia Aurora Club: fuck i feel so bad please tell him im sorry and i wanted to aplogize to you as well. I wasnt trying to ruin someones marriage tbh. Sorry

“Hyung..” Jungkook’s voice cracks as he looks at his elder brother with glossy eyes. Namjoon sighs disappointedly, sitting beside him, Jungkook’s body bouncing up slightly due to Namjoon’s body weight.

‘What the fuck..” Namjoon breathes as he just sits next to Jungkook in silence, watching the carpeted floor as Jungkook sniffles, now that Namjoon observes closely he sees how his younger brother's eyes are swollen. The aircon whooshing in the background, making the air the only thing audible in the room.

------------------

“He what?!” Jimin almost yells out in the middle of the dining area where Namjoon and Hoseok call him out of the queue for the buffet and tell him about Jungkook and Mia.

“Jimin-ah.” Hoseok’s eyes widen in warning as he looks around reminding Jimin that they are around people.

“Do you think he would’ve told you if you didn’t go to his room to give him the medicine, hyung?” Jimin says his gaze narrowed with accusation, an empty plate in his hand.

“He called me to his room himself Jimin-ah, what is wrong with you?” Namjoon says sounding defensive.

“Don’t defend him hyung-“Jimin says exasperated.

“Jimin, I understand that you are mad but can you at least try to be in that room without saying all this? He knows he fucked up, we shouldn’t be the ones making him feel worse.” Namjoon says, as selfish as it may sound that he can't see his brother crying.

“Is he alone upstairs?” Hoseok asks Namjoon and he shakes his head in response.

“No, Tae and Jin Hyung are there.”

“I hope they beat his ass,” Jimin says folding his hands over his chest now placing the plate on a random table.

Everybody knew Jimin and Taehyung had been closest to you out of the gang, he has always seen you as his little sister. You and him attended the same uni, him being your senior which made him quite protective of you like a brother when he got to know about your relationship with Jungkook.

“What, he deserves it.” Jimin says as Namjoon looks at him with narrowed eyes and a ‘really?’ look.

“Guys, do they have boiled eggs?” Yoongi says as he casually passes by the three men standing there with tensed looks on their faces. When none of the guys answer, still busy in their conversation, he takes three steps back to face them.

“What? Why do you all look constipated?” Yoongi says, his face straight and nonchalant.

“Consti- hyung what the fuck?” Hoseok turns his head towards his elder brother and he chuckles unaware of the tensed situation.

“Something’s up, tell me, is it director Choi again-“

“Hyung, it's not-“ Namjoon says but gets his sentence cut off.

“Jungkook cheated on his wife,” Jimin says and all of a sudden there's silence. After 5 seconds of digesting the news, Yoongi shuts his eyes and sighs.

“Fuck.” cursing under his breath and leaves the room sprinting towards the elevator, the other three men tailing behind him filling him in with the details.

-------------------

“Jungkook, you should eat something.”

He just shakes his head refusing his eldest’s offer for the bread he buttered for him. he packs his stuff sniffling as all of his friends watch him huff around stuffing his stuff in the bag with different expressions on their faces.

“Jungkook..” Yoongi whispers, no response.

“Jungkook-ah.” Again. Nothing. He just runs around the room with tears flowing constantly down his cheeks.

“Jungkook-ah!” Yoongi grabs him by one of his arms and shakes his body wanting to shake his younger brother out of the trance .

“I fucked up hyung, I fucked up. I will lose her. She’ll go hyung. I was drunk, i didnt realize, i dint-” Jungkook says still shaking his head crying constantly.

“Yah!” Yoongi lets go of his arm and holds his face firmly making eye contact. Jungkook stops rambling but still struggles to breathe in his hold so Yoongi slaps him firmly like he was a child, trying to help him focus. The moment Jungkook sobs at the slap, Jin and Taehyung look away with a sigh and Jimin flinches.

Eyes welled up, they all felt helpless.

“Jungkook, breathe. Come to your fucking senses.” Yoongi says making Jungkook take deep breaths.

“We know Jungkook, we get it. Breathe.”

When Yoongi sees his pupils relax, he drops his hand from his face. When Jungkook finally focused on Yoongi’s face, his face filled with regret, sobbing he hugged the shorter male, Crying into his shoulder.

Yoongi looks at Jimin, who was looking at the scene with anger and pity at the same time.

Anger because of how Y/N is gonna be broken because of Jungkook and pity for her as well. Pity for their relationship and anger on the situation. Anger over how helpess they all feel and pity on how restless Jungkook feels. Although the anger and pity he felt for his little sister wins.

Yoongi warns Jimin as he senses what he is gonna say, but Jimin just rolls his eyes and asks,

“How could you kook?”

“Jimin.” Taehyung tries to stop his best friend whispering, requesting him to let it go for some time.

But Jimin ignores him and continues.

“huh? Jungkook? What about Y/N?”

At his wife's mention, Jungkook pulls back from the hug and Yoongi sighs stepping back towards the chair next to Namjoon.

“Hyung..” he sniffs

“What? What excuse do you have? Do you really have an explanation?”

“Hyung, I-“

Everyone watches as Jimin approaches Jungkook with anger, Hoseok sitting up as if expecting Jimin to punch the other.

“She loves you Jungkook, what the fuck?” Jimin whispers looking at the guy who just looks at him with guilt and tears in his eyes.

“Answer me, dammit?” He grabs Jungkook by his collar and pulls him closer asking him again through gritted teeth.

“Enough Jimin-ah.” Hoseok says as Jimin just asks questions, rambling about how much he fucked up.

“If she leaves you, it's on you.” He says jabbing his finger in his chest. “She is family kook, what the fuck were you thinking?” He pushes Jungkook away from him when Jin tries pulling Jimin back, his grip creating crimples on the younger's shirt.

Stepping away frustrated, he rakes a hand through his hair as Jungkook just nods, regaining balance.

“I don’t know hyung I-“

“Shut up. I don’t think you can explain yours-“

“Enough jimin-ah” Jin says pointedly and silence fills the room.

Jimin huffs frustrated and sits on the bed.

“I need to tell Y/N.” Jungkook says, his eyes tearing up but he nods affirming the decision to himself.

“Yes.” He says, picking up his phone, opening his recents to call.

“I need to tell her- wha- hyung give it back.” Jungkook yells all of a sudden.

“Are you crazy?” Taehyung asks and Jungkook notices how everyone is standing ready to grab his phone.

“Hyung give it back, I can't stay here for another day knowing she is waiting for me at home, for what? Hah..” he chuckles, sarcasm clear in his voice, mad at himself, “so that, so that I can break her heart? Give it back, hyung,”

“No! Are you crazy? do you think this is some kind of dinner plan you're gonna tell her randomly?” Taehyung says stretching his hand away from Jungkook.

“He is right, kook. You need to tell her face to face.” Hoseok says and Jungkook steps back shaking his head fresh tears streaming down his face.

“This is gonna break her, we know. But you need to tell her face to face.”

“You owe her that much,” Jimin says, his words stinging. His words were harsh but what he said was true.

Jungkook owed you that much.

“Think about it Jungkook, you can't fix this right now. If you call her-“ Jin says but Jungkook cuts him off.

“Argh! I can't take it, I need to fix this right now. I need to come clean, I need to fix this hyung!” Jungkook says pulling at his hair, sitting on the couch.

“I get it, Jungkook, we all do but…for the time being, we're gonna take your phone with us for now, yeah?” Namjoon looks at Taehyung, who nods and keeps the phone in his pocket.

“No, Hyung-“

We have to pack and we can't risk it. Namjoon says looking at Jin and they both nod, understanding.

“Yeah, we have to check out in an hour,” Jin says, his voice low.

“Yeah, fine. See you all downstairs,” Jimin says, getting up and leaving immediately.

One by one, everybody leaves the room, Namjoon getting up at last, squeezing Jungkook’s shoulder.

While leaving the room Namjoon notices the outer wall of the bathroom having slight blood on it, he touches the blood and flinches when he notices how its not dry yet.

Sighing and looking over his shoulder at his little brother wiping his tears, he just wishes the best for him and Y/N.

He just hopes for the best.

___________________________________________

Next chapter. Main masterlist. Series masterlist.

@skzthinker @whoa-jo @aznstoner @aloverga @bids97 @slut4jeon @whipwhoops @bearr02 @gloriouscollectionpainter @jojowantstocry @jossabella88 @prajusstuff @chimchimmarie @gyukookswhore @kookiescutie @llallaaa @bbtsficrecs @farahmoonworld @cookysstuff @alessioayla @bamieeee03 @bonsaithings

[the-s1lly-corner]

Could you do the TADC cast x cowboy reader?

TADC cast x cowboy!reader !!

this might be the last post of tonight, my backs killing me and i wanna wake up early tomorrow since im gonna be making cinnamon rolls!

CAINE:

he would definitely copy your accent if you have one... he means nothing malicious, he just like how it sounds on you and this is how he shows that! has definitely made at least one in house adventure where you had to go like, stop a runnaway train or got a horse or whatever it is cowboys do in movies.. no thoughts only you taking off your hat and kissing him behind it... actually im thinking about this to all the characters...

POMNI:

i think she would be into it... if i had to give pomni a type i can oddly see her being into the rugged cowboy type. no i dont have any words to explain why... do not tip your hat at her and say something like "pardner" her face will immediately turn red and her eyes will do the thing where they get all huge

RAGATHA:

i said it in the post where the reader has a heavy southern accent, and i think a lot of the ideas would come up here. i think before ragatha got stuck in the digital world she grew up in a small southern town, so she probably finds comfort in your aesthetic even if she doesnt remember her past.... probably fans herself and get all red faced if you carry her during an in house adventure

JAX:

if you can lasso things hes gonna try to ask you to teach him... he totally doesnt have any.. motives... he isnt trying to learn a new skill thats going to ultimately be used to annoy the others whaaaaaat? the voices.... the voices are telling me to draw jax as a cowboy.... RAAAAAAAAAH

KINGER:

huh... a cowboy and a king getting a long... not the worst pairing but a pairing nonetheless... no thoughts, only you using your lasso to rescue kinger during an IHA... you sure as hell aint a knight, but kinger still considers one!

ZOOBLE:

still thinking about the lasoo thing but imagine trying to lasso them and the rope goes around their waist and you tug and... their head and limbs get left behind.. like i can totally see that happening and its making me laugh.. zooble would definitely be a little mad at you for a little while after that.. probably flicks your hat off your head when you two get reuinitec

GANGLE:

gangle IS the lasso/j... well you wouldnt do that to her.. now jax on the other hand.... i know i said that gangle would be the type to be into monster dating sims in the demon post, and thus would be into monsters and stuff because thats just an artist trait all artists have; i do think gangle would also be interested in cowboys... i believe in gangle having cringe fantasies in her head about how you swoon over each other with the whole western cowboy movie aesthetic!!!!!!

[ppnuggie]

can you do a haedcanon of a fem human just drinking SO MUCH COFFEE like cup after cup an she is litery shaking in her seat her entire body is like a maraca an she she swerves bar so can u do headcanons for this for first aid, perceptor, brainstorm, chromdome an cyclones just teacting to this madness

　　　　　　LOST LIGHT x fem reader

　　　　『　first aid ,, brainstorm ,, perceptor ,, chromedome ,, cyclonus ,, female reader 』

　　-> reader who drinks too much coffee and gets really hyper

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, crack ,, magnus is forever suffering

　　— here you go !! :3 tysm for requesting !! tried to make it funny 🫡 hope you enjoy it <3 i loved writing this one but be warned as i dont drink coffee nor rlly know much for the side effects or smt from drinking it 😭😭 even though im literally working at dunkin rn and they only rlly got coffee

- first aid

| • he'd be worried at first with the amount of coffee you've consumed ,, having learned about humans and other things concerning them incase of an emergency

| • in this case ,, itd seem the knowledge he learned wasnt too helpful

| • bouncing all around the medbay and just hyper in general was quite a pain for first aid to deal with

| • but he didnt want to be too rude to you ,, and gently coaxed you into spending all that energy of yours running laps around the edge of the medlab where you wouldnt get too hurt

| • though when you finally wear it off ,, he'll be quick to scold you ,, holding his digit in front of your face and waving it side to side in a 'no no' motion before taking you to his habsuite and laying you down for a nap

- brainstorm

| • he honestly doesnt know better okay ? you could tell him anything and suddenly he wants to put it to the test

| • so when you said you could drink a bunch of cups of coffee and wouldnt bat an eye ,, he was immediately like bet and then that led to the current situation

| • perceptor is facepalming and immediately making brainstorm take blame for encouraging you to do this ,, because now theres a hyperactive human running around the lab

| • i mean you're practically flying around with how much coffee youve drank ,, hell you could probably beat blurr in a race

| • official you wouldnt say that out loud because lord knows some of his fans to be a bit crazy and would immediately be on your case saying "no you wouldn't !!" and maybe a few death threats involved as well

| • dont mention it in front of brainstorm either because hes already calling blurr to set you up for a race

| • hes no help ,, dont ever tell him your ideas or encourage his crazy ideas unless you wanna end up in magnus's office ,, having him scold you like a dad does to their child who drew on the walls and is trying not to laugh at the situation

- perceptor

| • thanks to brainstorm ,, you chugged too much coffee than your body ever really needed ,, and with perceptor as your not-so-official-but-official-in-his-mind-protector-slash-guardian-slash-alien-robot-boyfriend-slash-fun-killer he just sighs and takes you out the lab

| • he doesnt have the patience to deal with any acidic spills from you bouncing off the walls left and right

| • nor does he really need you getting hurt in any way shape or form

| • lets just say its an awkward trip to the medbay to see if ratchet has anything to help with your situation

| • and when he comes up empty handed ,, percy resorts to scolding you whilst the caffeine starts to wear off

| • it taught you better than to listen to brainstorm again because bro was yapping at 100 words per minute you swore he couldve talked faster than blurr at that point

| • bro was an absolute chatterbox just yapping and yapping that you fell asleep

| • never again would you do that ,, or think about doing that because the headache afterwards when you woke up was so not worth it

- chromedome

| • he also doesnt know any better ,, but he's definitely more responsible than brainstorm is

| • he'd know to at least keep a lot of caffeine or high sugar products out of your reach ,, just hiding it on your top shelves or above your cabinets like parents do with their kids' halloween candy

| • though when you accidentally made too much coffee ,, and didnt really feel like wasting it ,, you drank it all in one go ,, or well multiple big ass gulps

| • and then rewind walks in on the scene and sees how hyper you are and is honestly thinking youre sick with some make-a-person-crazy-illness-virus-disease-thing that he swears is somewhere in his database

| • and now chromedome has to play dad and parent you the whole time

| • bro probably put your ass on a leash ,, locking it in so the rope only goes so far and just stands there as you run around

| • this is what he gets ,, he thinks to himself ,, its the last time hes putting something so low in your reach again

| • at this point ,, hes just gonna store all your unhealthy and junk food away in a desk in his habsuite

| • he'll leave you fruit and vegetables but if you want coffee ever again youre gonna have to behave really good to get it

| • and its only a spoonful ,, as a little treat

- cyclonus

| • so you just trying to show and answer tailgates crazy ass questions that youre not even sure where he got them from

| • he probably got them from his ass at this point ,, asking if the coffee gives you super powers and you have to explain thats not true before he spreads lies around

| • and if that happened ,, you shivered at the thought of magnus banning your coffee aboard the lost light

| • that was pure trauma to even think about right there

| • anyways you made too much ,, and instead of storing it away or pouring it down the drain ,, tailgate dared you to drink it all

| • and well ,, momma aint raise no pussy but she did raise someone who makes bad decisions

| • because the moment you get your spurge of energy tailgate runs to cyclonus and tells him all about it

| • bros going on and on about how youve lost your mind and he thinks youre gonna die and cyclonus had like 600 heart attacks right then and there

| • he busts in like hes the damn swat team ,, door kicked down and pieces of it flying everywhere as you're running around like a wild banshee

| • he's looking for the demon and meanwhile youre out here acting like a damn demon ,, almost frothing at the mouth from how insane you are from the coffee

| • lets just say it makes magnus ban tailgate from ever daring you to do anything ,, bans you from having your coffee ,, and bans cyclonus for ever kicking down a door like that ever again because it was so unnecessary

[nomeniko]

hi :D for the ask game What do you wish more people understood about kazui? Which trial 2 MV do you enjoy the most, and why?

thank you for the ask i would grovel at ur feet in gratitude i hope the sun shines down and makes the light dance for u and you only today

1. if anything ive seen a few theories of kazui possibly revealing himself to be a two faced manipulator of sorts due to his self proclaimed liarness…. like ‘ohh u cant trust what he says he cld be trying to make himself look pitiable to the audience to get voted inno’ sort of theories which is. no he wont do that???

is he a liar? to a degree yes—liar not in the sense that what he says are direct falsities, but more like hes built much of his character to constantly disguise his true intentions/feelings as a defense mechanism. the lies he says are less of words from a schemer and more of redirections from someone who is, all in all, an insecure adult scared of what will happen if he isnt able to meet peoples expectations of him

as much as he calls himself a liar hes mad honest about where he thinks his capabilities lie, which is to say he doesnt believe in his capabilities at all lol. when amane asks him for help with her studies, he turns her down after some consideration bc he doesnt believe himself to be smart enough to help (despite having graduated from a university; sports degree or not credit shld be given where credit is due). when he talks to shidou post ktk attack, he refuses to admit doing any of the work in taking care of the situation and instead puts all the praise onto shidou. even his physical strength and skill (which is arguably the one part of him he does acknowledge and take some sort of belief in) is something he treats as less of something that he has achieved himself and more of an obligation of his—like, hes strong bc to him he HAS to be, bc it is expected of him to protect those who need protecting. he does want to protect others, sure, but much of that wanting comes frm how ingrained it is in him that thats what hes good for, thats what his strength is for (his timeline w/ yuno on her bday says as much nyway)

the way i see it, that self deprication of his plays back into his obsession with meeting the expectations placed onto him, or at least lessening the disappointment of others by lessening those expectations in the first place. if u tell someone that u didnt go to the right university, that u didnt do much to help anyway, that u were born so fundamentally wrong as a person that everything is bound to go to shit as long as ur there (he basically said this to es in his t1 vd im not even kidding), wouldnt that ensure the safety that youre less likely to ruin someone elses confidence in you? less likely to ruin bc in the small chance that u still fuck up, theres not much left to ruin at that point

in the end ig what i wish more ppl understood abt kazui is that hes a liar yes, but not a manipulator. he lies to stay safe, not to be a sadist or whatever. you cant take what he says at face value (in much the same way u cant do the same for any other prisoner tbh), but that does not mean u shldnt take anything he says srsly at all!!!

2. ok this one i have to give a bit of thought, mostly bc i cant pick just one

if the standards were which t2 mv do i enjoy for its direction music n visual wise, purge march takes the cake so quickly. the music itself is so bomb (which like, i cant even find a logical explanation as to why… its just so good to listen to) n the mv itself does such a great job at creating the right atmosphere, both in its flashy theatrics and the subtle uncanniness under it. mayb i have a slight bias bc tpm was the whole reason i got into milgram in the first place, but i stand by it idccc

aesthetic wise, def all knowing and all agony. the horror elements r genuinely disturbing, but not so overbearing that it overwrites the pop style that milgram has going on. i luove the use of amber for blood, plus the filters that remind me of found footage u usually see show up in asian horror movies. i think i was actually terrified the first time i watched the mv

symbolic wise, its cat always and forever god bless. it takes advantage of its aesthetics to hint at subtle secrets so well that it makes me giddy as hell. the use of colors as a part of the set, the transitions frm scene to scene having its own part in making the story, n honestly making the bg more blank than usual readjusts the focus of the mv on what matters p well. i cant mention every detail rn or else id be here all day

[mayoiayasep]

ooo im so interested to hear your thoughts, why do you think cozmez and 1Nm8 should interact?

hiii sorry for this being like 2 days late 😅. also @ ing @jalapenobee bc i was going to send this to her as well. hi bee👋🏾

um anw so. at first ngl it was just me putting them together bc like oh two units w brother relationships in it that would be fun, but then i like thought about it and i would reallyyy like to see them interact

like firstly there's the slight differences in the definitions of the words "avenge" and "revenge". to avenge can mean "to take vengeance on behalf of", and i think that really suits 1nm8 specifically bc of kei's mindset in terms of the phantom lives. its been a hot second since i've read the after showdown drapa so idk how much his beliefs have changed but 1nm8's reason for joining road to legend was kinda for kei to "avenge" rokuta and itsuki having to go through the experiments by winning and then dismantling paradox live.

for revenge, i'm not really the biggest cozmez-head to lmk if i get smthn wrong here but i also thought that being in the revengers team also really suited cozmez out of the other units. while the two words have similar meanings i've always thought that revenge had a more aggressive/angrier tone to it and i feel like that fits cozmez's bitterness towards the world and their circumstances pretty well. like at least in the first round.

k so for why i think they should interact. i think kei would piss kanata off. like kanata's a pretty prickly person so like. it doesnt really take much but i believe kei's savior mindset would annoy him to no end, and if kei is still on the topic of taking down the phantom lives i want him to mention nayuta. tbh w that point im not really sure if kei would know? about it bc while nayuta was taken in by alter trigger he wasn't a subject to the extent that rokuta and itsuki were. which, pivoting from that, i think the bringing up of nayuta's alter trigger experience would be a good excuse to get more itsuki and rokuta AT lore! specifically itsuki like you have no idea how much i want details about how he got there, especially since he got there at 5?? like jfc. also w itsuki lore it would be nice to see how itsuki and rokuta met, since it would've been before itsuki started repressing his emotions and ive always wondered how their dynamic was before that.

lastly, i said earlier that i think kei would make kanata mad but i would like. also like to see the reverse happening if possible? im not quite sure how but they're like, the same age and kei always tries to seem so put together w his mindset and all that as well as the fact that he financially provides for himself rokuta and itsuki. so while it's unlikely that kei could get like. mad mad i would like to see him irritated. a little bit. as a treat for me.

anw ramble pretty much over👍🏾 tbh i have a bit more in my brain but this is super long already so. yea bye👋🏾

[vypridae]

9!!! 10!!! 11!! 12!! 13!!! or pick and choose <3

IDK WHICH FANDOMS U MEAN BUT IM GONNA DO EACH ONE AND ILL JUST PUT MY HAZBIN/HELLUVA ANSWERS UNDER A CUT SO U DONT HAVE TO SEE THEM

9. worst part of canon

ok the worst part of dgrp canon has to be the way they handle characterization, like especially with trauma. specifically in mind i have korekiyo rn, like they mega rushed his entire Thing and wrote it in a way that paints HIM in a terrible awful light when it very likely (or definitely) wasnt that at all, but the way it was written just fucks up so, so much. also the Danganronpa Repitition TM (flashbacks to

bsd uuuh oh my god i have to think about this one cuz i love bsd with a passion BAHAHA its hard to find flaws with that one (in part i havent consumed the media in forever), ik it might be just bc the series is still being written but its irritating that some things from like the first seasons are just not touched upon again? and maybe its because ihavent read the manga but like. did atsushi join the ada and suddenly the bounty on his head is just Gone? am i misremembering if they went back to that or not its been like a year since ive watched bsd i need to rewatch it but thats about all i can think of. im not even mad about the not killing any characters because fyodor is alive still

10. worst part of fanon

dgrp has a TERRIBLEEEE shipping fandom. i hated oumasai for the longest fucking time because i encountered this one rper way back when that like was a mega red flag SBGJKFDHGKA i hated them for a while after that (then they grew on me). you get shit on for liking, like, the more toxic ships in the fandom no matter your reasonings or whatever, and i feel like its just a really negative place to be a shipper that likes to explore bad dynamics (such as i)

i think the worst part of bsd fanon is similar. shipping sides of fandoms are ALWAYS bad i feel like, and there are a lot of people that will be like "skk is real fuck you for shipping anything else" or like "if u ship nikolai with anyone but fyodor i dont trust u" or something like??? its a fucking ship chill out its fictional it doesnt hurt anyone irl CALM DOWN

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

for bsd uh . only two surprisingly, and its two ships that i cannot physically make myself like?? thats all apparently

for dgrp i have uuh two and its literally also only two ships that i dont like BHASFKAHSK

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

for bsd am i allowed to say fyodor? idk if he necessarily counts as "unpopular" but i see way more hate of him than i see people liking him, but god fucking dammit i love him with my whole heart. hes so evil and those kinds of characters litearlly just make me gravitate towards them, hes so smart and cunning and you can do so much with his character, especially learning his ability oh my god? jhes so complex and i love him

for dgrp, i feel like every character is "unpopular" BAHSAJKAHk but for this i think i wanna go with chiaki. people hate chiaki because shes "boring" or at least they Did back when i first got into the series but shes so different in the game compared to the anime because the game shes based on her classmates' memories of her! shes only this "perfect" individual because thats how her entire class saw her, like she was made the class rep for a reason

13. worst blorboficiation

ok this one im trying to figure out what the fuck the definition is BAHAJSHFAJK from what im SEEING its like, the character that doesnt deserve to be liked as much as they are. (i dont think i answered this one correctly but shh its fine)

for bsd thats really hard for me to think of because i like literally every character but uuh if i had to say one ig i'd say uuh . maybe dazai? i feel like this is in part because people typically take away from dazai's entire complex everything because he's too complex for a lot of people (including me) to truly understand, like im not saying i understand him but i feel like a lot of people will take the wrong parts of him/exclude anything they dont like about him and go with that? if that counts but idk i still like dazai so i cant say that too much

for dgrp its the exact same situation with kokichi. they take his character, of which is incredibly complex, and dumb it down into the typical fandom woobification of "uwu baby who cant do anything wrong" LIKE!!! STOP!!! NO HE IS NOT!!! HE IS SO COMPLEX AND YOU'RE LIKING HIS CHARACTER FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS!!! people that dont understand the complexity behind certain characters and are incapable of taking that as their blorbo and instead creating this silly incorrect version in their mind and making THAT their blorbo i just. thats not ur blorbo atp thats ur oc my guy

hazbin/helluva answers

9. worst part of canon

both of these shows are kinda not the best when it comes to being serious???? like there are some topics that shouldnt be joked about i feel like, and there are points in the shows that joke in relation to these topics. also theres not enough voxval but thats a criticism for another time

10. worst part of fanon

not even just the ships tbh, its liking any character thats either painted in a negative light or is just generally unpopular. the ships too but i could get to that another time. for EXAMPLE, me, i like valentino. a lot. he's one of my favorite characters. i feel like i cannot express the fact i love val because i will get called an ACTUAL rapist for saying it because "if you like val you condone his actions and thus are a rapist/terrible person/etc" when thats absolutely not at all how it works. i acknowledge that val is terrible, i understand that its bad, but i can still enjoy him as a character otherwise. his actions are what i dont like, ive never liked him (i actually hated him at first because of it but then i saw him being more silly in the series with vox and he grew on me), but you will actively get told to kys if you say that you even REMOTELY enjoy vals character

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

i have none for helluva but for hazbin i have four. three of which are for the sAME SHIP and one is another ship i dont like

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

MIMZYYYY dude she gets so much unnecessary hate. like, everyone sees her as annoying and terrible and i GUESS i can see where they're coming from but a. theyre in hell, everyone's terrible, b. people just see her as annoying because she interrupted hells greatest dad and they dont like that because they want their radioapple song or wtvr. i love her and no one can convince me otherwise

13. worst blorboficiation

ok THIS one i might actually be able to answer with the correct definition of blorboification. i feel like alastor gets way too much unnecessary love, and maybe thats just because i think hes too popular for being what he is but hes just not all that to me. like, hes a good character, yes, but some people like him to an extent that i feel like doesnt do him justice?? its like i said with uuuuuh the dgrp side of this question, they dumb down his character a lot and are just generally bad at making him ACCURATE to the point its irritating. (hey so yk how i said i could answer with the right definition of this i lied)

[blessedshortcake]

My opinion on the finale episodes below the cut. Obviously spoiler warning lol

First of all. I see people say it was really underwhelming and i kinda have to agree? It wasnt a Bad ending or a lazy one or whatever words have been thrown around tho imo. I feel like with all the hype about how "painful" and emotional itll be from the VA and from everyone, we all just expected more tragic outcomes or something.

I am dissappointed because of that as well. I liked how Simon finally reflected a bit and had some self awareness about their situation with Betty. I loved that he didnt become Ice King again or that they didnt do some actual time travel to "fix" stuff. I also liked that they didnt necessarily made him a bad husband (?/boyfriend?) he kinda just never realised that Betty has been putting more into their duo than he was.

That doesnt make him innocent tho b4 someone comes at me. He was a bit too self absorbed but i dont think he was entirely selfish either. He was a person who made mistakes and didnt realise them. The line where he said smt like "i wish we could have talked like this before" also makes it pretty clear to me that Betty never really spoke up about these things either. Golbetty had to make him aware and tbh? I think that was more Golb than Betty.

The whole Scarab ordeal felt a bit. Ehhhhhh I dont know. His anger reaction to things suddenly becoming "canon" (lmao) was very nice to see but him being allowed to wreck havoc like that for a good while felt more like an excuse to bring the others into this world. I dont have a problem with it btw i just dont see the point why we need Farmwold Jay and Little... I forgot her name damn. Also whys Babyworld Finn here 😭 (i get it, he was in the tank, i dont mean literally i mean Why)

As much as i was soooo mad when LSP freed the scarabs it was very in character. I like how it was a thing that he likes animals from the start so it wasnt senseless stupidity, it was something he would do even tho it was the wrong thing to do. Made me pause and lay down to stare at the ceiling in frustration for a solid minute i cant lie, still in chacter tho.

But alas. I like how in the end it all didnt turn magical (completely since ig its partially magical with Cake and everything else) and how Cake finally cooled down about the crown. IM ALSO SO HAPPY THEY KEEP IN TOUCH WITH SIMON OVER THE PHONEEE!! But yea him wanting to move was so real and I hope he does lmao he deserves it.

I only kinda wish they made him reconnect with Marcy a bit more. I am actually pretty dissappointed that we dont know if he ended up reaching out to her more or not. I understand his situation with not wanting to spook her, i actually feel that bit in a soul connecting level good god, but idk. Im at least happy he is Literally in therapy now

(Kinda makes me wonder tho if he spent the time between the end of AT and the start of FC with no like therapist or psychologist. Just rawdogging his mental illness about everything. Mood tbh but like did he? Did he??)

Anyway despite my slight dissappointment i am actually pretty happy with the outcome. I really liked the theories and the ideas of how Simon may make FC magical or what he will become but tbh this is probably the best outcome. Everyone got a happy/hopeful ending (minus Farmwold Finn ig who im atp assuming is dead. Also Star Marceline and PB) which i am really REALLY happy about.

I gotta say I already wanna write fanfic about these guys so inspirational effect granted. Woooo.

Tldr

I was kinda dissappointed because it was overhyped about how emotional it will be when it really wasnt but other than that I am really happy about how the ending turned out save for the alternatives staying in FC

Edit: I SEE PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THE WHOLE SHOW DONT TELL THING AND TBHHH??? TTTTBBBHHHH??? YEAH. IT WAS ALL JUST TALKED ABOUT LIKE WHAT ABOUT SYMBOLISM? MY GOD.

Also Simon had like 10 minutes to get closure with Betty which was horrifically rushed but again, when your wife turns into Basically God you kinda dont really have a choice to chit chat. Still not happy about it but again, could have been worse. Could have been much worse.

[feminisedlad]

im not gna confront op abt this bc theres no point, this post didnt have that many notes anyway. i honestly just want to marvel at how openly cruel ppl are to trans men on this website.

to me this is tantamount to misgendering because...it is. we all know this. it is cruel to reference trans people by gendered terms which make them dysphoric. it is cruel to refer to a group of mostly trans men with the word “woman.” i should not have to explain this,

but like even if i try to read this in “good faith,” i still know that it’s a reference to this ridiculous theory people love to trot out, wherein any trans guy whose narrative differs from “i was always already a man, ive had male privilege since i first changed my pronouns in bio” is painted as a ghoulish manipulative liar. any proximity to womanhood is suspect in this framework. this hypothetical trans man is callously pretending to be a woman in certain social situations as a means of ... gaining social power? all that transfag clout? you’ve got to be joking!! also, i guess you’ve never heard of “boymoding,” crossdressing, multigender people, or literally any other aspect of transsexuality whatsoever! “he’s lying about his gender experience to make me mad!” what are you, my parents?

usually this is in response to some trans guy who says, “it was misogynistic when i got catcalled,” and then everyone decides to split hairs about whether or not the word “misogyny” applies to people like him, instead of -- i don’t know -- commiserating with him, or at least pretending to give a fuck about his problems.

the fact that its other trans people spreading this rumor doesnt make it any better -- its the same tired “predatory trans” trope we’ve seen a billion times. trans people are whatever gender can be used to demonize us in the moment. you rly have to laugh.

actually its not funny, its sad, but you know what i mean.

[tomato-fendo-writes]

Fun Fax: OLM Chapter 12

THIS HURT SO MUCH TO WRITE SHDKFJ LEMME TELL YOU. but also, so very fun! writing panic, spiraling thought patterns, and the snappy, warring ideas and emotions is something i enjoy immensely, and this is one of the first times i really get to do it in this fic

in ways, this chapter was one of the easiest to write in a long time, probably because i knew almost exactly how it would go. however, it was edited a TON and i trimmed about 400 words off before publishing

one of the sections trimmed was Jin briefly asking Kaz's favorite color to fill the silence (purple, btw), but it was cut because of the crazy word count, and to make room for the bit where they talk abt Lee! another cut bit was Jin doing a kata with Kaz, again cut for word count

for the record, i originally had Kaz and Lee younger when they met, but after the first draft the wiki got updated with a source saying Lee was 12 when he was adopted. as the source was an old japanese manual that i couldn’t read, i couldnt dispute it, and begrudgedly aged them appropriately. i’m still mad dhjs

Kazuya’s “hands only” line and training sentiment was based on how Heihachi trains Jin in Bloodline! im figuring they were trained similarly enough, or at the very least it was something Heihachi used on Kazuya growing up as well, so i wanted that to carry over

the kata i have Kazuya start with is based very much on Sanchin Kata, a Goju-Ryu style one that i have mentioned in Fun Fax before - in reference to Heihachi. this doesnt mean anything in particular, but i do find it interesting that this unfortunate sequence starts with Kazuya copying his father

the whole slow build up to Kazuya snapping and telling Jin the most traumatic event of his entire life out of spite is a concept i had VERY early for this fic - the first version of that scene was written back in february 2023! that version was a lot less, uh, mean, and more unfortunate than anything else. he didnt make jin really upset (on purpose) in that one 😬 art for that draft version HERE

the “If I wanted you to know me, I would have stuck around, wouldn’t I?” line had me screaming into my hands and my jaw dropped when i first thought of it. HES SO MEAN HES SO MEAN WHY IS HE SO MEAN

i have SO MUCH FUN writing juvenile Jin, oh my gosh. his petulance and inner monologue (”that jerk,” “whatever,”), his teenagerness is so fun to work with, and im gonna miss it when it eventually has to go with his maturity 😭 but not his moodiness! thats here to stay, or its not Jin sdjf

me writing “a gun to his head” in reference to jin

extra, one of my betas literally got a bag of popcorn to read because the drama in this chapter was so good to her hdksjd. the other was lamenting and saying "i hate this man" aloud, and even commented "DIE YOU BASTARD" on the doc itself sdhfjk

ALSO. just wanna say. this chapter was fully written ages before the release of 8, and i nailed a few lines without even knowing hdskbd. kaz being impressed with jins resilience, “little shit,” tiny things but things nonetheless lol

[quodekash]

TIME FOR EPISODE 6 ive got my fingers crossed for a jengpok kiss but my hopes aren't high (but jokezo had better kiss this episode tho or im gonna riot)

this is so unnecessarily funny

DUDE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU LITERALLY KISSED HIM

YOUR FRIENDS DONT HAVE THAT BIT OF CONTEXT

THEY JUST THINK JOKE RANDOMLY LIKES YOU

THEY ARE FULLY UNAWARE OF THE FACT THAT YOU FULLY MADE OUT LIKE A WEEK AGO, AND THEN IMMEDIATELY AFTER, YOU SLEPT IN THE SAME BED AS HIM

no I will not shut up about the bed thing

LOOK I KNOW WHAT HE MEANS HERE, BUT THE PHRASING IS JUST SO FUNNY

"just be straight" YEAH THAT'S THE PROBLEM KOT, HE'S NOT STRAIGHT

I think im laughing a little too hard about this

literally everyone except zo, im pretty sure everyone knows

especially nita

she's the captain of their ship and no one can change my mind about this

oh nooooooooooo how terrible, how disgusting, what a terrible turn of events

now jokezo have a lot of time to spend together in an empty room, and nothing to do

what on earth will they do about this?

it would be a real shame if they kissed

👀

what kind of fun are you implying, joke?

are you going to kiss

I think that maybe they should kiss

HE PUT THE BAG AROUND HIS NECK OMG THATS SO FUNNY

they are holding handssssss

GIBU3RBKEJWGDSOVJRBE

HANDS

HANDS

HANDS

HANDS

HANDS

HANDS

THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS

HES SO DRAMATIC

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

things we didn't know about joke before the series, yet are entirely unsurprising and make a lot of sense: 1. he's afraid of heights, 2. he's insanely dramatic when playing a zombie video game

im so mad that zo can't see his own face rn

if he could, he would SEE his feelings for joke, and then he would be able to communicate that with joke, and then they can go out AND THEY WOULD KISS

HES SO HAPPYYYYY

yes

agreement

yes

good advice with zo

communication is key

holy frick that is terrifying

uh

frick

I dont know what to say

this is horrible and I hope whoever that was is found and stops doing it because nita's safety is really in trouble right now and im very scared for her

oh and it just gets worse

holy frick

this is not good

FRICK

NITA, RUN

CALL JOKE

PUNCH THE GUY

KICK HIM IN THE NUTS

FRICK

im not gonna put the blame on joke rn but I really feel like he shouldn't have left her alone after that

she was clearly terrified and vulnerable and scared of something happening, and I think he probably should've at least offered to go with her and make sure she was safe because now she's alone and im so scared of whatever is about to happen

I hate this guy so much please die sir

frick

im crying out of fear and anger and mostly fear

this is terrifying

OHTHANKGOODNESS ZO IS HERE

he said 'get your hands off my girlfriend' and like they broke up but if they have to lie that they're dating in order to protect Nita's safety, im all for it man

OH, OH, OKAY, THAT WAS A FLASHBACK

this also explains the awkward uncomfortableness she was clearly feeling when on that kind-of date with zo

ohhhhhhhhh so they never actually dated? that actually explains a lot of stuff that I didn't realise needed explaining

number 1 jokezo shipper wants to tell zo that she and joke aren't dating so that he can date joke, but she's waiting for zo to ask before she'll tell him

(either that or she knows zo likes her, but shush I want to stay true in my belief that nita ships jokezo more than anyone around)

huzzah, a confusingly worded confession to the girl after he realises he doesnt actually like her, im smelling pat napat jindapat

she knows its joke, I swear she knows its joke

FTSDFSTFDSFDT

HANDS

HANDS INITIATED BY ZO

HANDS INITIATED BY ZO

AAAAAAAA

hang on

wait a second

what was that

jeng isn't single

bro you have a boyfriend

what the hell just happened

im so confused rn

its not like this is the first time that they've sLEPT IN A BED TOGETHER

and the first time it was immediately after they MADE OUT and then DIDNT TALK ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS

im still so angry about this

ill never not be angry about this

KISS

PLEASE

P L E A S E

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

DUDE YOU KEEP REACHING FOR HIS HAND

ITS LIKE YOURE IN LOVE OR SOMETHING

JUST KISS ALREADY

OR ADMIT YOUR FEELINGS

OR DATE

OR ALL OF THE ABOVE

I mean I do get that zo needs more time to figure out his feelings before hes gonna say them out loud and yada yada all that, I do get it.

but also: you keep reaching for his hand, you KISSED HIM, and generally im pretty sure if someone likes you and you know they like you and they make moves on you and you do nothing to stop them and you dont feel uncomfortable with them making moves on you and whatnot then that means you either really like attention OR YOU ALSO LIKE THEM AND IN THIS CASE ITS THE LATTER

wait what the hell, next episode jokezo are going on a date, AND we're meeting joke's grandma, AND she's homophobic, AND there's some guy zo knows who he's trying to avoid? CAN TI PLEASE BE NEXT WEEK ALREADY, I HAVE QUESTIONS

conclusion of this episode: a lot happened with Nita, jokezo DIDNT kiss, jengpok ALSO didn't kiss, I love Nita with all of my soul, aND SOMETHING HAPPENED WITH JENG GIVING HIS IG TO A GIRL COS HE SAID HE'S SINGLE AND I WOULD LIKE SOMEONE TO PLEASE HELP ME AND TELL ME I MISINTERPRETED THE LINES OR MAYBE IT WAS A MISTRANSLATION OR SOMETHING BECAUSE IF NOT THEN SOMETHING'S GOING ON AND IM SO CONCERNED FOR MY BABIES PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME

[pwblogarchive]

May 2007

May 4, 2007

ryan ross lives in my house right now.

had a falling out with myself.

we just dont speak so much anymore.

theres nobody carrying weight.

nobody with hART and sole.

im sick but theres no hospital to fix this kind of thing.

i day dream at night.

i call em all in the air.

sometimes i get it right.

the things i keep inside are worth double the ones anyone knows about.

almost caught a break, but im pretty sure it was a bad throw.

youre always getting caught, so am i.

i guess we are into the same kind of things.

posted by xo at 7:35 PM

May 6, 2007

i like blowing out other peoples birthday candles and stealing their wishes.

days inn- kind of has a different meaning when its days INside my head.

shut my eyes to keep the world out.

who have you become vs. who you are supposed to be.

been shittalking so much with people who are asleep on the inside.

their veins are pumping blood but their hearts just arent in it.

they blow over legal limits and their organs have put in their two weeks notice.

sometimes i write to keep the world out.

but most of the time i write to keep my world inside.

you have no idea what i do while you sleep.

im having a 2/3rd life crisis.

i got boring.

somewhere along the way.

where the wild things are turned into where the wilde things are.

i have played russian roulette exactly once in my life.

it was the single worst thing i have ever done in my life.

it doesnt matter what the proportions are on the girl to my direct right.

or the way her heart flutters faster than a hummingbird.

just the way she looks at me sometimes.

everything about me hangs on that....

on another note, sometimes the best nights all rest on winds and conversations you have in them.

thanks.

posted by xo at 6:31 PM

May 10, 2007

“fucking nuts.”

i dont care where our heads lie,

as long as yours is close to mine.

posted by xo at 3:46 AM

May 12, 2007

"i can hardly stand living but im afraid to die"

semisweet shadows lit in backrooms

would taste if they were baked into you

lost in my head

my gut has always been my compass

but lately ive been heaving it into gutters

and toilets

sex on tile floors next to bathroom sinks

fuck to forget fuck to remember

you smell of a grove of trees my family drove past for years when i was younger

its like a fortune cookie i opened 17 years early

or a palm reader that was set like a backdated check to age 27

i wouldnt dare say these words aloud as i fear they would set off a chemical reaction within me or you

or that they would come across like a foreign language straining for meaning

i feel like i have snapped awake out of a coma like in a bad movie

i want to get under your skin and its not just a metaphor mostly

your eyelashes kiss off everything i say except in the way that it only makes me dream

informercial love affair

you hair tipped blonde crashing on black roots

or at least thats the plan

if there ever is one

its like science but one i dont understand

turned in my badge and gun as far as anyone ever understanding me is concerned.

i like standing in the rain.

i like showing up late.

i like going home early.

i like having a short fuse.

truly.

i like the madness.

i am in love with it.

the shows have made me realize that there is no other reason for me to be on this planet besides connecting with you.

thank you for that.

you have never let me down.

i am magnetized to everything you do.

and you is you who is reading this.

you are concrete and boomerangs and everything i can count on.

thank you for that.

when my back feels like breaking. or my stomch feels like heav ing or my eyes feel like raining i will think of that.

goodnight.

remember this is real.

even when your head is spinning and your heart is fluttering.

we are on the inside.

the cage spins the bird free.

dont for a second think i have forgotten you or the way you make me smile on gray days or in stormyh weather.

posted by xo at 11:19 PM

Thursday, May 10, 2007

fucking nuts.

i dont care where our heads lie,

as long as yours is close to mine.

posted by xo at 3:46 AM

May 13, 2007

“ground control to major tom…”

i can see that it kind of makes em sick in the pits of their stomachs when i smile.

or when i dont smile.

like they want it to impact but be forgotten.

im not sure you know how i was strung out but on something else.

how someone made you heavier and lighter all at once.

chaos in a wink of the eye.

and how its brushed off by something beyond it- that only speaks in whispers in crowded rooms- who only speaks of backyards and dog days. who only wants to drive south. who you wouldnt believe if i told you.

what if i said its all in reverse-

iamalonewhentheyflyyououtofmylifelikeamothinforcedflightawayfromthelight.

the things that broke me down years ago are just a shrug now.

a thumb and two fingers in.

i feel like a penny turned up the wrong way.

put me in the bowl in front of the register anyway.

let me change someones day.

posted by xo at 11:17 PM

May 17, 2007

“and”

if my conscience is a cricket then my heart is a wasp.

posted by xo at 12:20 AM

May 17, 2007

“semisweet shadows lit in backrooms”

would taste if they were baked into you

lost in my head

my gut has always been my compass

but lately ive been heaving it into gutters

and toilets

sex on tile floors next to bathroom sinks

fuck to forget fuck to remember

you smell of a grove of trees my family drove past for years when i was younger

its like a fortune cookie i opened 17 years early

or a palm reader that was set like a backdated check to age 27

i wouldnt dare say these words aloud as i fear they would set off a chemical reaction within me or you

or that they would come across like a foreign language straining for meaning

i feel like i have snapped awake out of a coma like in a bad movie

i want to get under your skin and its not just a metaphor mostly

your eyelashes kiss off everything i say except in the way that it only makes me dream

informercial love affair

you hair tipped blonde crashing on black roots

or at least thats the plan

if there ever is one

its like science but one i dont understand

turned in my badge and gun as far as anyone ever understanding me is concerned.

i like standing in the rain.

i like showing up late.

i like going home early.

i like having a short fuse.

truly.

i like the madness.

i am in love with it.

the shows have made me realize that there is no other reason for me to be on this planet besides connecting with you.

thank you for that.

you have never let me down.

i am magnetized to everything you do.

and you is you who is reading this.

you are concrete and boomerangs and everything i can count on.

thank you for that.

when my back feels like breaking. or my stomch feels like heav ing or my eyes feel like raining i will think of that.

goodnight.

remember this is real.

even when your head is spinning and your heart is fluttering.

we are on the inside.

the cage spins the bird free.

dont for a second think i have forgotten you or the way you make me smile on gray days or in stormyh weather.

god been thinking. its been awhile since ive done that.

except for "here and there"s

sick of all the speculation.

this means that, that means this.

this is really the only place i can speak to anyone without people in glass towers watching me.

commenting.

so thank you for that.

id do anything to keep this going forever.

even in my head when i wanted to be blown off this fucking planet i still hoped that little blue record kept spinning in your room.

the reason you havent seen a video of fall out boy on fuse is because of corporate litigation.

the same reasons for half of what makes this all feel like its falling apart.

we only did cribs because we thought it was funny. hopefully you are in on the joke. we rented fake cars, like ferraris and just goofed around the whole time.

didnt even know how to open the doors.

not sure if our sense of humor is gonna come across or whether it will be mtvified.

my best friend is a dog.

sometimes i miss being down all the time like it was a close friend that moved away.

but sometimes the inside of my head and my heart and my stomach all meet up into this wretched combination.

i just want to let myself be happy.

id give anything to not give up on this.

take care. sleep safe. i will write more when it comes to me.

May 20, 2007

i actually know someone whos middle name is danger

a cayahoga falling out. class four class five. id still take em. letters all over printed on every piece of luggage ever. you think you found gold every single time. she is the call just before the street lights go out. she is the minute before the alarm goes off. slurring and purring just like and engine or a cat after hes had a fifth. sometimes i hope i dont wake up, sometimes im scared that i wont. its funny how that scale works. its like our lady of justice peeking under the blindfold. if i could keep you still long enough id slip a rope around your finger or maybe even a silver band. detox to retox. hope and hype are just a letter off. sometimes, i try and forget that.

posted by xo at 12:03 PM

May 24, 2007

10 years at sea for one day on shore.

"And I can deal with some psychic pain

If it'll slow down my higher brain

Veins full of disappearing ink

Vomiting in your kitchen sink"

i can kind of see this thing going a couple of different ways. the screen pressed close against the side of my face. ear to the speaker cause i have smashed all the others that project the songs inside this stupid box. my face this close to the keys, taunting me. "i can do whatever i want"s, "i can eat my dinner in a fancy restraunt"s. there is no semblance of meaning. ice cold blue lips, vocal chords and toungue in the back of my head with everything i wish i could say. the tip of the iceberg of a credit check on the emotionally bankrupt. curse phone service or rejoice in it depending on which end of the line we are on. looking for the last life jacket on this sinking ship called life. throw your "overdramatic"s out the window. throw your "old you"s in your fucking face. i get it it. i got it. i gut it. the sun sets and rises on the same old mood. the world has become a dangerous place to me- in my head and outside of it. cant seem to shake it. all roads lead back nowhere. the wilderness of the inside of your brain- which seems to drive your body whenever your heart or crotch is not at the helm. i feel like a slow motion replay of a crash that never happened. wanted to be an anthem not an away message. most of the time dont want to be anything at all. when you are alone is when you audit yourself. you become who you truly are. or arent. there arent any cliffs to throw yourself upon and theres no romance in just: me.

last year i made a list of songs to listen to in the dark when you are all alone. i figured i would do the same again:

donny hathaway "a song for you"

eliott smith " a fond farewell"

the chemical brothers "close your eyes"

damien rice "9 crimes"

beck "lost cause"

beth hart "leave the light on"

the smashing pumpkins "ava adore"

david bowie "space oddity"

iron and wine "such great heights"

stevie wonder "they wont go"

saves the day "hold"

bjork "hyperballad"

bright eyes "coat check dream song"

prince "nothing compares 2 u"

the supremes "where did our love go"

ben folds "the luckiest"

jeff buckley "hallelujah"

i said "i kind of wish i was a pirate"

and she replied "you pretty much are"

how could i not love that?

May 25, 2007

everyone

is either full of diet pills or shit.

and usually its both.

May 30, 2007

“what has this become?”

a question only countered in some monster movie madness.

sometimes spewed out just before the

signal down.

the wizard of oz in reverse.

from color to black and white.

i am completely obsessed with everyone who is completely unobsessed with me.

or sometimes with life.

and by life i dont mean heartbeats and breathing.

i mean 9 to fives and becoming the suburbs.

the complete fuck off of it all being that i am completely obsessed with backyards, christmas trees and lemonaid stands.

its like the northshore is my heaven, the valley is my golden gates.

excuse mne for nodding off.

always boring myself to death.

take a chill pill.

the story of my life

the unauthorized biography written by myself.

i dont even remember saying goodbye to you.

happiness is the sand in the sea.

its just a percentage of a percentage inside a body of water,

life is just a crocodile with a ticking clock inside of it chasing captain hook.

its just i havent figured out this graceful aging thing so well yet.

im sorry baby. my heart is clumsy. but i love you in a holding your hair back kind of way.

just wanna dip my toe into death to see if its a warm bath.

anytime anything breaks me open ever i just spit out a fortune.

if it means anything i spend my time with a bunch of people who ignore the vibrant sky and just look for the pot of gold at the end.

addicted to addiction.

curiosity killed the cat. but what the fuck did loyalty ever get the dog.

May 31, 2007

"i dont believe...." anymore.

i have no words.

posted by xo at 5:47 PM

[toxycodone]

My favorite Weezer album (also objectively the worst, DO NOT FUCKING LISTEN TO IT PLEASE /srs I will bite you with malicious intent) is the Pinkerton Album, it's misogynistic and pathetic and fetishistic, rivers cuomo made the rawest sounding incel music ever. The whole album is just rivers screaming and pouting about how horrible his life is because women don't love him, my favorite song by the foxing is also rory if that makes it any worse for you LMFAO

my top 3 Pinkerton songs are "I Just Threw Out The Love Of My Dreams", "Butterfly - Alternate Take", and a tie between "El Scorcho" and "Pink Triangle" because pink triangle is so funny to me, rivers is complaining about the girl he liked being a lesbian, get cucked loser. If u decide to listen to the album, only listen to IJTOTLOMD (acronym for the first song I mentioned, I'm not writing that shit out) and Pink Triangle, they are the least egregious out of the entire album, and IJTOTLOMD doesnt even have rivers singing ITS THE BEST SONG WITHOUT THE ACTUAL LEAD SINGER in it this shows you how bad Weezer is, I'm old Weezer's biggest fan and number one hater I will always make fun of weezer

ALSO OMG THANK U ?? u got me smiling and shit. lol I don't want to get into it but my last partner (online dating) pressured me into being xir dominant and guilt tripped me into doing sexual things for xem ... it just was a bad experience overall. And then bro had the gall to break up with me on my birthday after we were together for over a year and showed me xir new boyfriend the day after like...It was fucked. But I'm better now!! And Im not using the word loser in a demeaning way for myself, I'm like, Hmmm... I have that pathetic sopping wet dog rizz yk? Pathetic Loser ™ is my base state of being, my younger siblings bully me about it but its all in good fun I love them lol. (One of them admitted that I was actually cool so heeheehee)

But thank you I feel special, you have a grown man doing this -> ☺️👉🏼👈🏼 and kicking his feet and shit. I'll give you a little kiss on the cheek as a token of my thanks. Mwah 💋

- the same anon who is still scared of admitting who he is lol

okay you know those guys that like. Seethe because terrible men give bad bitches trust issues??? That’s me rn.

anon you have no fucking idea how mad this makes me 😭 like?? Be so so so fucking fr. YALL HAVE TO STOP FUMBLING BADDIES. GIVE THEM TO PEOPLE WHO DESERVE THEM (ME!!! I WILL CHERISH THEM!!!)

okay as someone who also got burned by online dating (long ass story. which I won’t tell unless asked). I’m genuinely so sorry that happened to you. People online can be such a fucking hit or miss (usually a miss). But your ex’s behavior makes me think your ex is jealous LOOOOL. No one flexes anything if they’re truly happy and content—trust.

I’m still doing this to your ex tho bc I’m petty.

AND YESSS YOU GET IT. Like. When I say loser I don’t mean that in a bad way. Like, more in a colloquial sense. Because really I like nerdy guys bc they’re people who are open and proud of their interests even tho they may seem weird. And they’re just honest about who they are and their abilities. It’s actually really brave. And I love that about them. So. Yeah.

ty for the cheek kiss tho hehe I am glad I was able to make u feel good.