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oneoftheprettynerds · 4 years

Text

Fixed: Dark!Steve x Reader (Mob AU)

Chapter 4 in the Lipstick and Crayons Series.

Chapter 3: Love So Soft

Main Masterlist

A/N: It’s shorter than my usual updates but I’m busy so sorry for the delay. My final exam dates have come and all I can do is pray right now lol. Please pray for me if you can, this sis is out here writing fanfics for yall instead of studying so, haha. ANyways, enjoy babies! Shit happens in this chapter.

Warning: Non-Con, Sickening Threats, Mob Themes, Violence, Death, Manipulation, a mild mental breakdown, Cheap Tricks.

Genres + Characters: Mob AU, Single Parents AU, Steve Rogers x Reader.

Summary: Steve can’t ever repay you for what you did. After meeting you, Steve believes his broken family is the missing piece in the puzzle of your own wrecked one. Indebting the crime lord to you has been the biggest mistake of your life, cause now you can’t get rid of him, no matter what. Loyalty and favours go a long way in the mob.

Word count: 5K

Chapter 4: Fixed

You didn’t sleep that night. Or the next few. Your hands shook every time you got a flashback and even though you were numb to emotions that entire day, tears threatened to spill whenever your mind took to you to that overpriced kitchen again.

Now that he had gone to a dangerous and unnerved assaulter from a Dad trying to take care of his daughter, your mind wouldn’t put anything past him. You knew that in the back of your mind that he was a mobster and your ‘friendship’ was alarming to say the least, but now there was no denying his resources and power and the very obvious threat to your life lingering in the air.

At least before you had the luxury to be oblivious and ignorant, not anymore though. Steve felt even more unhinged and liberal now, even messaging you daily, greeting texts that you obviously ignored. He knew you both were aware that you never handed him your number and he felt no need to hide his pursuit.

You read most of the messages, not bothering with a single reply though. You tried to block him but somehow your phone would still receive messages from his number, even though his contact would always peek back at you from the otherwise empty blacklist.

As if his torment wasn’t ample, another message thread from a different number would forward you alarming images, photos of Grace in her daycare, on a class trip to the park and even her playing in your backyard. You had no doubt that this was another game of his to show you his resources.

You skipped daycare for a few days, your mental health worse than it was after the carnival attack, because now you had a personal tormentor and you cursed yourself for falling into this mess. At times, you believed it wasn’t your fault really, you just helped a kid and this situation spiraled itself but what would pointing fingers now get you? The harsh truth was you were in a calamitous situation now and every step from now on had to be thought out.

So, you let Grace attend her daycare and acted if nothing was amiss or altered, after the few initial breakdown days of course, kept going to your job and earning the bread. You considered your options, you really wanted to go to the cops or a higher fair power but those were few these days, almost non existent in your city. You also vaguely recalled meeting three of the Captains of the PD at Sarah’s birthday, all smiley and doe eyed for Steve. You knew they wouldn’t help, fucking kiss-asses.

Maybe you would have to move somewhere else, perhaps to your hometown, at least till things cooled down or better yet were forgotten? But that trail was very predictable and you didn’t want your parents in this mess.

You also came to know that Steve had inserted himself in the other spheres of your life. You were sure your location was always being sent to him, the knowledge a courtesy of the black car following you while you travelled to home at some late day’s end.

Aiden told you whereabouts were easy to track, when you inquired ambiguously. Another instance was when you went to the bank to deposit cash for your debit card, you came face to face with an enormous amount already there. Somehow, the limit on your credit card was also extended. How, you knew. The clerk told you about an email you must have gotten in regards to it, you dismissed that justification away and told them to not accept the cash. To sum the discussion, they weren’t helpful and had no policy against anonymous donors.

Aiden, your trusted coworker cum pal, sensed the shift in your aura and fidgety form very easily, pestering you with questions and you decided to turn to him, stressed and tired and ready to do something. His questioning eyebrows made you confess vaguely but you refused to tell him the extent of it. Just that his prediction came true and you needed help. Let’s just say, Aiden was a good man.

With time, Steve’s ‘affectionate’ messages became deranged, and you found it harder to act nonchalant in your daily life. You were thankful he didn’t come to visit you, possibly occupied with the rumored war between the mobs. You just prayed for a few more days of ignorance, just enough time to think and do something.

“What do you mean someone collected her?!” You had a hard time controlling your voice, you were about to burst, in tears or with anger, you didn’t know.

“The man was verified in the emergency contacts and we got a letter signed and approved by you to skip the day an hour into the first activity.”

“A man? Emergen-, wait no! What fucking approved letter?”

You had three emergency contacts, your mom in another state, Aiden, and one of the other kid’s mom you had grown close to. Aiden was with you at work all day, so did someone disguise themselves as him? And what was the deal with the letter signed by you? You surely didn’t remember writing and authorizing one.

The boy, Pietro, who had been the receptionist for as long as you could remember, shuffled through the chaotic piles of paper and presented a letter to you, and your blood froze as your eyes skimmed the font.

Your beautiful cursive stared right back at you and you knew that no one would ever be able to distinguish between this penmanship and the one in the pocketbook in your clutch. No one but you. Even though you knew you had not written it, the slightly different ‘f’ and ‘g’ told you everything.

Your signature at the bottom though, was done quite perfectly and that made you even more scared.

“I did-, I didn’t write this! What the-” Your widened eyes met Pietro’s from above the paper but all he offered you was a meek smile. Your hands shook with rage and for the first time in your life, you had the urge to slap someone really bad.

“Maybe your family had an emergency to take he-”

“No, you don’t get it!” You stopped yourself from getting frantic, willing yourself to take deep breaths and think rationally. Today of all days, things had to mess up.

He didn’t know you had no family in this city, that you had a mobster after you or the subtle threats that his hired spy sent to you.

Was going to the police an option? Aiden already told you that the cops were as good as Steve’s men. But this was about your missing kid! You’d never forgive yourself if something happened to her. And you were giving Steve way too much credit, what if he wasn’t behind this all? Come to think of it, what if the other number wasn’t his?

Relax yourself! Thinking of disturbing theories wouldn’t help anyone. You thought you should go to the cops, just in case. No mentioning of Steve, just a woman with a ‘missing child’ report.

‘Missing Child’ left an acrid taste behind and you were too close to a breakdown, but your whole journey of single-parenthood taught you to kick vulnerability aside, well most of the times.

You turned and were about to leave, but Pietro stopped you. “If you are going to the cops Ma’am, they require 8 hours of inactivity or disappearance time for kids under 5.”

Well look who just read your mind.

You huffed and kept the tears at bay, your mind thinking of what to do then? Grace was obviously taken-

“How could you let a toddler leave without informing the parents?” You knew your anger was channeling out at the wrong man but didn’t he all but hand Grace to the stranger?

You beat him answering and inquired, “What did the man look like? Do you have any footage? Anything?” The wrinkles in your forehead and stress creases on your face paired with the eyebags betrayed your age surely. You were sure you had aged more this week than an entire decade, juggling your normal life with the hovering threat.

“You shouldn’t be this worried Ma’am.”

The fucking audacity.

“Your daughter recognized him, she all but ran to him and this other little girl he came with. You should maybe ask your parent-friends around? A blonde family perhaps?”

As all the emotions drained from your face and terror took over, the young lad in front of you looked smug. You wondered as if you imagined the faintest of smirks on his face.

You crumpled the letter in your hands, seething with rage as you stepped in your car. Oh, you were mad, more wrathful than ever. You could take any hits on you, any threat but not on Grace, never on her.

You were stupid, you had already decided you wouldn’t put anything past him but unknowingly, you did put this past him. You thought this man had a shred of decency to not use your kid in this adult war, being a parent himself and all but what a surprise! You were wrong.

You drove to your home, your thoughts a mix of trepidation, anxiety and fury. You were scared of him and his reach and resources but if he put Grace in any type of danger; whether to teach you a lesson or use her as bait or both, there’d be consequences.

Lord knows you killed a man a month ago Grace was threatened.

You had one thing to do before contacting Steve about Grace but you never got to do it because unexpectedly the bastard was in your home. In your home.

The black sports car outside was a huge giveaway but your suspicions were confirmed when you opened the door with your house key. The banter and giggles from inside alarmed yet calmed you; the dread of confrontation and the assurance of Grace’s safety reigned your mind.

As the door opened painfully slow like a horror movie, the sight that met your eyes made you sick with a feeling of failure. It wasn’t gore or blood or grunge, it was Steve bouncing Grace in the air and catching her while Sarah twirled around in the living room.

This man was craftier than you thought, every action of his was calculated, each a refined step. You had been so preoccupied to avoid direct encounters with him in your little family’s life that you didn’t think he had other ways. He was always looming around with Sarah and as Grace began to trust Sarah, she consequently began to trust her blonde guardian too.

As you slammed the door behind you, Steve’s eyes snapped to yours and his smirk made you want to punch him so hard. The smugness on his face while he let Grace down without breaking eye contact told you he had no regret, no remorse. In fact, he was loving every second of this cat and mouse chase between you two.

You were a millimeter close to losing your shit, the only check being the kids in the room. But you were mad and he was going to know it.

“What the hell, Steve? Messing with my kid?” You threw your clutch onto the couch, Steve haughty by the reception of his sent message but still holding back because of the kids. He called Wanda and you didn’t really notice where she came from but you did register Steve asking to take the girls to the park for a ‘private discussion’.

As Grace passed by you, you grabbed her arm lightly, making her look at you with doe eyes resembling yours. You gave her a smile trying to ease her, but you knew she was smart enough to sense the change in the atmosphere.

Apparently, the whining Sarah wasn’t.

You looked back to Steve, your hold still on Grace and continued with a frown and raised eyebrows, “She isn’t going anywhere, not out of my sight and obviously not with you or your goons.”

Wanda had the audacity to look offended and you scoffed at her, eyes staring Steve’s down.

“Honey, I don’t think the kids should hear what I think you have to say right now.” He said nodding to Wanda to take Grace.

“You must be deranged to think I trust Grace near anyone even remotely related to you! Take your people and get out.” You held your hand up to stop Wanda and pointed towards the door with the most menacing glare you could form.

Grace looked incomprehensibly between you two, concern and confusion on her face. That might have been the first time such a tone was used in your household. The grumbling Sarah was close to throwing a tantrum, irritated by the change in the playful air or the lack of attention to her, you didn’t know. She was hanging on Wanda’s forearm, her feet slipping on your printed rug. Wanda was trying to not look hurt still by your previous statement, distracting herself by the blonde kid and you were baffled by her obliviousness to all this.

Steve, the beefy blonde Lucifer, was furious and seething. His white knuckles and ticking jaw were the most obvious giveaways, the fingers just itching to beat the shit out of someone no doubt.

Was he imagining striking you into compliance into his weird playhouse game complex? You wouldn’t be surprised given the extent of his attempt to ‘win’ you over.

The ‘get out’ tone and blatant disrespect was a bruise to his ego for sure, and by you, a middle-class woman nonetheless was a worse injury. Steve was the deadly boss to armored men in the vicinity, the kids’ father figure, according to him, and Wanda’s stern yet kind employer.

People had been killed for less and there you were, standing in all your glory, being the only person alive to reject Steve Rogers and now, the only to raise your voice at him.

You almost scoffed at his impudence to look offended, what did he expect? For you to submit to him after the stunt he pulled? His reach was scary he proved today and that any future with him in your life in any way, was a fearsome possibility to entertain but you’d be damned if you went down without a fight.

“You can’t make me leave; we both know. You don’t have the physical edge nor the mental one. I have no problem drawing out G-U-N-S in front of the kids or to throw the warnings around, although I would prefer not to.”

Your free hand itched to slap him, like how his did minutes ago. It wasn’t a mankind problem about men thinking they were entitled to everything; it was a Steve Rogers’s problem. Of course, with him consent didn’t matter. If he had a ‘housewife, kids and fences’ fixation, he’d make it come true.

“Do you even listen to what I say? Or your own words even? Please, go ahead! Traumatise my kid and also yours in your wooing process! Why are you so obsessed? Leave us alone, you freak! I just ignored few messages!” You had a hard time maintaining your cool, if there was any left. You were sure you were scaring Grace and no matter what happened next, you knew she was already traumatized by this entire ordeal already. You were so sorry, so, so, so sorry to your poor baby caught in this mess.

You knew, no, you hoped, he wouldn’t pull out the gun, his actions at the carnival a proof, you remembered how he hid his gun on finding Sarah. That threat was empty but the next one wasn’t, his words making you freeze in your spot.

“I think you keep on misunderstanding me, sweetheart. I don’t make empty promises,”

Posh word for threats.

“For starters, maybe I should pay my future in-laws a visit in their blue duplex. They might need help with the vast garden they have, it is the season for ‘violets’, isn’t it?”

As you froze with your parents being brought up, he also cooled, albeit differently, smirking once again gaining the upper hand, not that he lost it if you were being honest.

“Isn’t threatening my kid enough for you, Steve?” You hated how your loud voice almost broke, your anger slowly subsiding into helplessness and you hated that. You hated his guts, his entitlement, his claim; everything about him.

“You still don’t see it, do you? Our family of four is the most important thing to me right now and I’m not above doing anything to save it.”

“There is no family of four Steve! I keep explaining and you keep coming back to square one with all this bullshit!” The curse word did tick Steve off but he would correct that later, when bigger things weren’t at ploy.

“Your ignorance makes me a little mad sometimes sweetheart and that is why I have to do all I do. You haven’t realized we need each other yet, but I’m staying until you do and even after that, I promise. You know how much it pissed me off to see your tickets and the packed suitcases after I’ve been nothing but nice? I was so generous to spoil you with my riches but instead I find that in your finances.”

This fucker knew. Of course, he did!

You were wondering in the back of your head what had prompted this visit with so many threats and warnings and anguish. He was pissed even before you ‘acted out’, he tracked the tickets and the plan and that meant he even tracked-

“You have so much to learn, but luckily you interact with quite a few people. I am most tempted to start out with this Aiden guy, trying to be the hero and giving you all the ideas. Maybe I should visit him?” Steve wondered out loud, and you flinched at his suggestion, hating how you were trapped by this man.

You couldn’t live with yourself if anyone got hurt because of you, be it your parents or Aiden or any other possibility Steve would come up with. Of course, Grace was your peak priority but you doubted he would hurt her as he threatened to harm them.

“Steve, please.” The fire was almost out, your hands trembling, Grace worried and Steve smug.

“Let the kids go and I think we can come to a conclusion.”

“Steve this needs to stop.” You said, your breaths heavy and helplessness clawing away at you.

“I won’t repeat myself.” He voiced out with a threatening edge, gesturing to Grace and Wanda, clearly telling you to first get the kids out.

For a deranged fucktard, he sure cared about the kids a lot.

You loosened your hold on Grace, patting her arm softly and nudged her to Wanda. Wanda received her little hand and enticed the kids with the promise of ice-cream. Sarah clapped her hands and as the trio left, Grace did look over her shoulders at you in concern and for permission, majorly in concern though. You nodded and waved, a tear dropping as soon as the door clicked shut.

You were still staring at the door, not wanting to meet Steve’s stormy blue orbs when he began, “Today was a slip up that I won’t tolerate again. Neither the cursing nor the dramatics.”

We aren’t in a fucking play, what the fuck is he labelling as dramatics?

Your eyes slowly flickered to his, and you had a hard time not letting the tears escape except the one traitorous one earlier. The fatigue, the worry of Grace’s disappearance, the threats to your friends and family were all catching up to you. It took all in you to stay strong and not fall down right now.

“Steve this isn’t funny anymore. It’s sick and you know it! I just said no! Was that so inexcusable that you had to follow up with this? You have violated me for that, broken into my home and now kidnapped my daughter! At what extent will you stop?” You broke down finally, arms a flailing mess as fat tears rolled down. Nothing scared more than the helplessness this moment. He won and he knew it. The carnival incident was nothing in comparison to this. The only good thing you could hope in all this was a safe Grace but that too only if you complied, which seemed like what you would do now given your attempts at fighting back and scampering have failed laughably.

“Gosh, I forgot how theatrical women are. You are smart darling; you know what I want from day one, just a happy family. Nothing that horrendous has happened and especially not as badly as put it. I’m just looking out for you and me in the long run.” Steve slowly treaded towards you, his hand extended to pat your arm comfortingly but you involuntarily flinched at contact and stepped back. Steve clearly didn’t like that as he caught your arm in a bruising grip and jerked you towards him. Manhandling you as your wet hands rushed to ease his grip was not a tough task for Steve, a surprise to none.

“Stop trembling like I’ve actually done something to harm you!”

Steve clearly didn’t know how to comfort women and it showed.

You stopped with the cowering away, even though it disgusted you to be this much in close proximity with your assaulter. He clearly had anger issues and no clue how to solve them. You needed to steer the conversation right and get him out. You could see your hands visibly shake as you put them on his chest, just to create some distance and in a way of surrendering to not fight. The tears slowed but you don’t think they stopped; it was hard to tell with a million other things on your mind.

As your eyes made contact, Steve loosened his grip, clearly a bit satisfied by your submission, as he began counting to help you breathe. As much as you hated to admit, it helped you and you got a flashback to the time when you freaked out on him about Grace at that extravagant dinner date. That was a sweet gesture then, not so sweet now. Funny how drastically things change with time.

It wasn’t so much Steve’s help as it was your own mind telling you to be fucking smart about the whole ordeal right now.

“Good. Better. Now let’s talk. Why were you planning to run away? I’ve been busy and coming home to find out that wasn’t joyful, you know.” His smile suggested a better mood than before but his voice, his husky voice always had this daring edge that almost challenged you to defy him but at the same time warned you of unpleasant consequences if you did.

“Steve, I’m scared.” You spoke with utmost honesty. “The part of the world you associate yourself with scares me. You can’t blame me for not wanting that life for Grace, I mean you have a kid of your own. Wasn’t the carnival attack specifically on Sarah?”

The reasoning was right but you knew you triggered him the moment his smile evaporated. He either felt insulted as a parent or disrespected in his profession or probably both.

He was fighting his inner demons already and you pointing it out was a slap to his face, a hit he didn’t want to take.

“That was a slip up, I admit. Never again. I’m only human, okay?” He convinced himself and you, his grip tightening a bit again.

Oh no, not the right direction to take.

You reckoned he still had nightmares about it like you, he really did love Sarah a lot, all things aside.

“Besides, I am looking out for you! Out for you and Grace and Sarah. I remember my promise of never putting either of them in harm’s way ever again.”

You definitely didn’t trust his security or his people because what sort of a mobster let his daughter get targeted and possibly abducted? You definitely didn’t know the whole story or if it was just a bad day but he wasn’t a person that deserved some slack. Despite all this, you knew what all he held above you, above a common man. He might not be ‘Kingpin’ skilled but a threat to you nonetheless.

Before you could stop yourself, you blurted out, “Is that what you call following me around, huh?” which you immediately regretted.

“Trust the process, baby. Everything is just to protect you.”

Is that what he called stalking even Grace around and twistedly enough, sending you proof of that? The anonymous thread of photos was another nightmare of yours, thanks to him. The last being a candid photo inside Grace’s room, her sleeping in her bed this morning and that’s when you decided you needed to get out. Of course, that didn’t go as planned.

“How am I supposed to do that when you have cameras in my house?!” You scoffed and he reeled back at the accusation, having the nerve to look impressed at being uncovered and caught red-handed.

“Oh my fucking God, it was you! You sick pervert!” You jumped out of his grip, your eyes wide and horrified. “I wasn’t aware of what to make of it but of course, it was you! Who else would be sick enough to do that?” You let out a humorless chuckle. You always put things past him even when you keep telling yourself you shouldn’t. When will you ever learn huh?

You were full on panicking yet again, this man was an assaulter, a stalker and a creep too. It would have made a good dark, psychological thriller for you to watch if you weren’t the protagonist about to suffer his obsession.

He reached out to steady you again, but you whipped and stumbled back, realizing too late that you elbowed Steve’s nose so bad that there was a crunch. That, right there, was the look a man real-fucking-furious on Steve’s face and now you could see the feared mobster, the man who was personally terrorizing you under the beautiful, Greek God façade.

Steve reacted so fast even with an injury that in a split second, your view of his face turned into a view of his crotch.

“You do realize that there are others ways for me to teach you obedience? I think it’s fucking time you show me your gratitude for my care and attention and apologize for your misconduct and unkind response.” Steve spoke with a hoarse voice, a voice running out of patience and just about done with defiance.

His hand fisted your hair, maintaining eye contact while he nodded between you and his crotch. You knew what he wanted, what he was expecting as ‘thanks’.

“Steve, please no, you don’t-”

His other hand grabbed your jaw, stopping you from speaking as he warned, “I think you have done just enough talking for today, so why don’t you put that tongue to a better use and show me how sorry you are. Better make it convincing because I’d hate to pay one of your friends a visit and then bitch about a nasty blowjob.” He smirked at the end of his monologue, eyes shining with triumph and amusement.

You wouldn’t let him harm anyone else, you couldn’t. You and your daughter were already knee-deep in a pit and at this point, it’d just be cruel to drag someone else in. With shaky hands opening his pants, you just hoped you could get Grace out before you eventually were buried in it.

“Now that’s a good girl. Submissive is a sexy look on you.” His hands patted your hair, playing with your tresses while yours pulled his pants and then briefs down.

His member jerked out, almost slapping you in the face as you recoiled at his insolence to get hard and erect at your torment. Your disdain must have shown which he took as admiration and derision to take his affluent cock in.

“No need to get shy, I have faith you’ll be able take it just as well in your pretty pussy as you will right now. Open up-”

“Steve, I beg you-”

Just as you had cut him off, he interrupted your pleading. Your gag reflex was probably the most efficient in the world but that turned this narcissist on. It had been years since you had done it, never with a man as beefy as Steve.

His taste was salty and if you had to put it into better words, it was the like overpriced sea salt flakes that you never bought. High and pricey and for the entitled.

Your hands clutched at his thighs as you blacked out multiple times; your jaw aching, uvula swaying and tears escaping. Him forcing himself on you brough a new sense of vulnerability as your body trembled. Steve relished like a sadist, practically rutting into you all by himself as you just sat there with your jaw unnaturally open.

His obscene moans and groans were crass and nauseating and you just prayed for this to be over soon and for no one to walk in on this, especially your kid.

It seemed like it would never end, your body dehydrating with all the spit it produced, the drool dribbling and landing just beside your knees on your printed rug. You would have to throw that out.

The tears stooped after some point, the sobbing an unnecessary action that just tired you out more on this eventful day. You moved your tongue around to prevent your teeth from scratching him when he shifted angles. If this was what he did on slightly mad, you didn’t want to find what he did for a more serious punishment.

Apparently, that action was something that turned him on even more, his breath hitching as neared closure. In broken whispers he demanded that again and you complied, wanting to get done with it.

He growled in the moment of his release and you tried to lean back but his grip didn’t relent. “Swallow.” His grainy, exasperated voice said out loud and you knew better than to defy.

He released you and you fell on to the rug, hip bruising by knocking into some furniture and tears coming back again after being hydrated by his seed. He packed himself, his smile smug and content as his expressions truly resembled ecstasy being personified.

“You be a good fiancée from now on and maybe you’ll have all your friends alive and present at our wedding. No cheeky business from now on, got it?” Steve hummed then and strutted out, not even bothering to listen to your reply.

As soon as the door slammed, your eyes closed and your demons danced again.

There was no right direction to take when you were stuck in a loop.

640 notes · View notes

ellitx · 3 years

Note

I was always fond of Once Upon a December, and yesterday out of boredom I watched the movie and bOI rewatching the scene where the MC imagines themselves in a ballroom gave me so much f o o d 👀

Imagine Traveller! Reader, also like the MC lost her memories of her past and now she's living the best of her life in Teyvat ignorant of the world's dark secrets and such. One day while she was out to pick some Dandelions, some pet of hers probs similar to a seelie suddenly darted away and Y/N ran to catch up. Then suddenly the seelie something went inside the ruins (like in stormterror's lair?) and the moment Y/N was somewhat in the vicinity she heard THIS:

https://youtu.be/JZ6buLNIgs8

It was kinda... Surreal, 𝐸𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙 perhaps? (words fail me) and the moment the piano became profound she kNEW this tune would lead her home cuz its the very tune she vaguely remembers that is linked to her past. Probs involved with family and everything so she bolted towards the sounds (she didnt question how and where the Seelie disappeared)

Suddenly the ruins or lair became this hallway from a palace/tower? She knows that tune LEADS her somewhere tho thus she kept running towards it desperate to find answers. It lead her to this heavy, large double door and when opened, leads to a ballroom with blue figures (which are actually ghosts but the hazy visage the atmosphere was made them look a little real and blended into the haziness) and the dancers waltzing with their partners were singing. Reader was overjoyed and 'greeted' anyone she can reach as they merely wave and made short polite responses not noticing how echo-y and a little weird their figures were. She found herself wearing a gown all of a sudden and being pulled to waltz with men she cant recognize. She continued to dream and waltz as she sang her heart out on the lyrics before she was partnered lastly with a boy her age. They had a kind smile and as Y/N stared deeply into his eyes she became enamored as they waltzed around. The more enamored she was, the more the world around her turned hazier and hazier and its like they were inside the eye of a storm and were surround by tornado like winds circling them as the music grew louder and louder until Reader can't distinguish reality from dreams.

But as the music slowly died down, the boy she previously danced with, suddenly turned into Aether as he sang the second to the last line (that iNVOLVED FAMILY) "...and a song someone sings~" like magic mist appeared and swirled around Reader and once she inhaled them she slowly lost consciousness and the room returned back to its original state; stormterror's lair.

The Prince of the Abyss murmured to himself as the abyss mages and heralds that were once the ghosts of the people waltzing in her hazy dream watched as Aether muttered aloud: "Princess..." (foreshadowing Reader will bECOME the abyss princess) "I have finally reunited with you, dearest sister.."

(And then cue Venti having a panic attack not being able to find Reader which unbeknownst to him was kidnapped)

but no I cannot stop because I have mANY MORE ENDINGS IN THIS:

#2: just as the sky was painted with radiant yellows and oranges Venti's mouth ran dry; there was a sinking feeling in his chest something is terribly wrong and whatever it is he needs to find it. As soon as he realized his beloved reader was missing Venti was bolting out to where the winds where leading him as he was having a panic attack trying to strain his ears with any sound any 𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 that his sweetheart is nearby, then it lead him to stormterror's lair and bolted inside; and just as he did winds suddenly enveloped stormterror's lair and for some reason he cant control it; it was against abiding its own will but Venti couldnt even do or think much before a melodic voice he so desperately wanted to find was right above the floors he's in and he made a mad dash to the stairs and found several abyss mages surrounding you with... Aether? His blood went cold the moment Aether lifted his hand pushed him away, and called your name over and over again, cupping your face as he cried. The moment you blinked and saw him Venti cried in relief and gave you a death hug only for Aether to interrupt and remind them that theyre still not safe.

#3: (YANDERE VENTI WARNING) Instead of Aether, maybe VENTI was the one that played that tune to lure you in; it was all part of his plan. The moment you stepped in his vicinity your dream became more vivid as you spotted him and the two of you waltzed together. But similarly, just the music seemed to die down, the mists/winds kissed you and you fell into Venti's arms just as he hummed and trapped you inside this lair in a blissful sleep in which you can only wake up as he so desires

CONCLUSION: I had a major big brain moment with Venti hope yall enjoyed it as much as I did 👉👈

HELLO?!!!! WHAT IS THIS I WANNA KNOW MORE

YOUR BRAIN, I LOVE IT I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND I DIDNT EXPECT THAT YANDERE VENTI BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH HNGGGG

I WANNA READ THIS PLS HHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS 😭😭

#aliarosella #ellianswers #submission #genshin impact x reader #venti #genshin impact venti #venti x reader #yandere venti x reader #yandere genshin impact x reader #yandere genshin impact

155 notes · View notes

andromedasstarship · 4 years

Text

in the stars - chapter 5

pairing - aaron hotchner x reader

warnings - canon-typical criminal minds violence, stalking, unhealthy coping mechanisms, drinking, angst

summary - “Please,” he said, staring you straight in the eyes. “Don’t go.”

a/n - i really love this chapter! cant wait to hear what yall think :DD also for reference i aged jack down just a year so hes 3 when haley passes away, about to turn 5 when reader & aaron get together. i dont claim any dialogue straight from Emma as mine! (emma dialogue is in italics)

masterlist / series masterlist / read it on ao3

chapter 4 / chapter 6

-----

You were hyper-aware of the new way the team was looking at you as you entered the conference room. You shot a very anxious glance up towards Aaron, grateful for the very brief- but soft- glance he gave you before the business side of him took over again. You could feel the ghost of his hand hovering over that protective spot on your back again as he led you up towards the table.

It felt like your eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets, upon seeing the seemingly endless piles of photos in front of you. Your brain was struggling to process everything that was laid out in front of you and you felt your heart rate start to pick up; seeing it in person was worse than anything your mind had created in the drive here.

“Y/N.”

Your eyes shot up to meet the voice and you saw Spencer looking down at you with a look that was just on the edge of pity. “We tried to sort the pictures into piles of time relativity. Would you be able to go through them and help us create a firmer timeline?”

You nodded at that, vaguely aware of Aaron pulling a chair out behind you. You gladly slid down into it. Seeing Emily start to pick up one pile and push them towards you made you nervously laugh, the stress of the moment and how uncomfortable you felt forcing it out. When the entire team gave you a weird look you said, “Sorry, it just reminded me of last time.”

You gently picked up the stack of photos, trying to hold them as lightly as possible. The knowledge that the unsub had packaged these himself sent a shiver down your spine. You knew it was silly, but you somehow felt that by touching the photos you were somehow also touching the remnants of the unsub.

The first stack you easily dated as around four years ago, just from your hair; you’d drastically changed it for a role. You thumbed through the photos and could feel the knots in your stomach growing even tighter. Most of the photos were blurry and relatively distant from you, as if the unsub was still getting comfortable with what he was doing.

“This was four years ago, I had to change my hair for a role and I’ve never had it like that before or again.” You said quietly, pushing the pile back to Emily.

She nodded, giving you a gracious smile before pushing the next pile towards you. Your face fell immediately; something the team equated to how much more personal these set of photos seemed to be. You fanned the stack out in front of you. There weren’t many, as if even the unsub could recognize the inappropriate- ha!- nature of capturing you like this. In all of them you looked worn down, as if a cloud was following you everywhere you went.

“This was about two years ago.” You said flatly. It took a moment, but you could see everyone connect the dots in their head and suddenly the room felt very small.

Thankfully, the next pile was rather average and you guessed that this was just an ‘extra’ pile of photos that didn’t really seem to fit into a cohesive timeframe. As you scanned over them, one caught your eye and you pulled it a bit closer to you. You pointed a finger at the sign behind you.

“This is an exclusive club house, it’s difficult to get into. Security’s intense and everyone that enters has to sign in.” You informed the team. JJ reached out and grabbed the photo, putting it to the side for later.

You turned your attention back to the pile, making sure to give each photo a proper amount of attention, desperate to notice something useful.

“This one,” you said, pulling a blurry photo of yourself out of the pile. You were moving too fast for the camera to properly capture you, but you recognized the outfit. “I was wearing this the day Officer Reynolds told me you all were coming, isn’t this the outside of the station?” You said quietly.

JJ moved that photo to the ‘save for later’ pile as well. You gently re-stacked the pile and passed it towards Emily, waiting for the next one.

You watched as Emily seemed to be literally holding her tongue as she pushed the next pile towards you, a certain playful glint in her eyes. Once you were able to look at it, you couldn’t help but snort. You could feel Aaron tense up besides you, but you could find the humor in it. The ‘Aaron’ pile.

You fanned the stack out like you had done with the others, giving special attention to the details behind you. These were much more difficult to place and a much smaller pile, considering how careful the two of you had been.

“These must’ve been in DC?” You questioned, not really expecting an answer. You looked up towards Aaron, raising an eyebrow as if to give him the opportunity to share his thoughts. “Whenever he came to LA, I had an iron grip on our security but it was a whole different field in DC-”

Your sentence fell flat as your eyes went wide, nearly surging out of your seat up towards Aaron. He gave you a worried look, unable to place the sudden anxiety that had taken over you. “What about Jack?” You asked worriedly, “if he knows about you he must’ve found out about Ja-”

Aaron stopped you, putting a very gentle hand on the top of your shoulder, “He’s okay, I promise.” He said, using his hand to lightly push you back into a seated position. You nodded at that, eyes still wide, but your body seemed to deflate, the tension slowly leaving you.

The rest of the team was quiet, recognizing the personal nature of the interaction. But it was impossible for them not to notice the way your bodies reacted to each other. The way your body’s natural response to a stressor had been to move closer to him and the way he angled himself in a protective stance around you near simultaneously.

Emily pushed the final pile in front of you and you couldn’t help the corners of your lips pull up in a soft smile. You fanned out the stack of photos, taking a good look at all of them. They all seemed to either be promo photos or film photos of your time filming Mamma Mia in Greece.

“This is definitely from Greece. But some of these are definitely promo photos, it’s why I’m ‘posing’ in a few of them.” You said, pushing out one that visually made your point.

“What about this one? It feels a lot more intimate than a promotional piece.” Emily asked, pulling one out from the stack. In it, you were standing on the dock, face close to the camera. You had a big smile on your face and your thumbs up.

“On set, we had a handful of little disposable cameras that everyone could use.”

“Do you have any memory of who owned the cameras?”

“I…,” you paused, eyebrows scrunched tightly in thought, “I don’t know. The studio distributed all the photos after the movie came out. They’re pretty public at this point, it was five years ago.” You said weakly, feeling really disappointed in your lack of help. “I’m sorry.” You added.

Morgan stepped up closer to the table. “Don’t be okay? Now we know that the unsub has connections in Hollywood and we know he must be wealthy enough to fly to DC on a whim if he thought you were there. That helps narrow things down.” He assured you.

“Are there any specific photographers that you’ve noticed? Or any guy you feel like you’ve seen too many times and it’s no longer a coincidence?” Spencer asked.

You shook your head quickly. “I’m really used to cameras flashing in my face.” You said impishly. “I can remember a lot of fans that I meet, but if it’s just someone behind a camera I don’t think I’d really notice it at all.”

You felt Aaron move away from you and towards the computer at the end of the table. He clicked a few buttons and suddenly a woman's face popped up on the screen. You recognized her immediately from all the stories and photos you’d seen. Penelope.

Aaron brought the computer closer to where you were and her mouth dropped open for the second time today.

“Oh my god! Hi! Wow! I am, I am such a fan. I just-, you’re always so-”

“Garcia.” Aaron interjected but you raised your hand at him, giving him a ‘shoo’ gesture. The rest of the team had to stifle their laughter.

“Hi, Penelope right? I’ve heard so much about you.” You said sweetly, leaning a bit closer to the camera.

“Wow! Okay, I can’t believe this is-”

“Garcia, I need you to pull up visitor logs from a clubhouse that Y/N used to visit. I want you to cross reference it with other visitor logs of recent film sets she’s been on and her housing development. She’ll be able to give you a more comprehensive list.” Aaron interjected, and this time you let him.

You turned back to the screen, giving Garcia another smile. “The clubhouse is called Royal Blue, the picture couldn’t have been more than…, I think three years ago? But I’m not sure.”

“Alright…, okay the visitor logs seem to be locked tight, but never too tight for me. What are some of those movie sets?”

“The earliest photo is what? Five years ago?” You asked, looking around at the agents for approval. “Yeah, five years. So Mamma Mia, to start, Little Women. I’m working on Emma right now.” You droned, listing various movie sets you’d worked on in the past five years.

“Oh my god! I have so many questions about Mamma Mia. Like what was it-,” Garcia’s question trailed off as she caught sight of Hotch giving her a firm stare from behind you. “Right sorry, alright. I will break into the clubhouse and cross reference all of these lists to see if anyone comes up more than once. It was so nice meeting you, I hope we get to-. Alright, hanging up now!” Garcia said in a rushed voice. You watched her click a button on her end and the screen went black.

You leaned back into your chair, staring up at the rest of the team . “So…,” you said, drawing out the word, “what now?”

-----

“What are you doing?” Aaron’s asked, voice coming out from behind you.

You comically froze, hand just short of picking your keys up from the table. You slowly turned to face him, straightening your tote bag over your shoulder. “Oh! There you are, I was just on my way to come find you.” You said lightly, trying to diffuse some of the tension in the room. Aaron didn’t say anything, waiting for you to go on. “Johnny and I have plans tonight.” You said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

On your part, you’d already forgotten about the whole ‘I’m on a date’ aspect on your earlier phone call with Aaron. In your mind, there wasn’t anything inherently suspicious about you going to spend time with him in the evening.

Aaron was viewing the entire situation in a very different light. When he had first come around the corner, he noticed how nice you looked. When the two of you had finally returned to your place you immediately went up to your room, disappearing for quite some time. He had originally thought maybe you were upset, the cognitive interview hadn’t revealed anything and even though he knew you didn’t really believe in their accuracy, he also knew how badly you wanted to be of ‘use’ for the case.

In your time upstairs, you had changed your outfit and styled your hair just enough to give it that ‘unstyled-styled’ look. It’s not like you were glammed out or anything, the only reason you’d put on a nice outfit was on the off chance you were photographed- hopefully not by the unsub-, on your way into Johnny’s apartment.

“And what is it that you’re supposed to be doing?” Aaron asked, trying to keep his voice as nonchalant as possible.

“Um, nothing much,” You said with an awkward laugh, when he was still looking at you expectantly you tilted your head. “I’m supposed to go to his place and we’re gonna run lines for the scenes we’re filming this week.” You explained.

“I can’t endorse you going out at night. Especially to someone’s home that we don’t have eyes on.” Aaron said firmly.

You rolled your eyes at that, picking up your keys. “Johnny’s fine, he’s been in the same place as me when nearly all the bodies were discovered.” You argued, putting one hand on your hip.

“With the recent development in the cases, I can’t let you do this.”

You started to walk towards him, intending to go around him. “Aaron-”

His hand shot out and gently grabbed you by the arm, stopping you from getting past him.

“Hey!-”

“Please,” he said, staring you straight in the eyes. “Don’t go.”

Your mouth fell open slightly in a mild form of shock. ‘We’re just running lines, I really need-”

“I’ll do it with you.” Aaron interjected hurriedly. “We’ve done it before, I’m not too bad at it, huh?” He said teasingly.

You pondered that for a minute. You and Aaron had run lines together plenty of times in the past, it was always something you got a kick out of, seeing Aaron try and morph into whatever character he was reading for. And while it wouldn’t be as productive as running them with your actual co-star, you reasoned it’d still be good enough. And as much as you hated to admit it, Aaron probably had a point about you not going out, especially in the evening.

“Fine. I just need to go call Johnny and tell him something came up.” You huffed, pretending to be more annoyed than you were.

“Here,�� you said, reaching into your bag and pulling out your script, “I already have most of my lines memorized, I’ll just need you to fill in if I miss any. I have a pink sticky note denoting the scene we were going to start with. You’re reading as Knightely. I’ll meet you in the living room, alright?” You said, pushing the script into his hands as you walked around him towards the kitchen, pulling your phone out at the same time.

----

“No, I’m just saying I think it’d be more believable or whatever if we did a few more like nonchalant meals before like, running errands together or something, ya know?” You said lazily into the phone, holding it between your ear and shoulder as you used your hands to mix up a drink for yourself. Out of the corner of your eye you caught sight of the Dalmore. You reached out with one hand and carefully pulled it down, still remembering exactly how Aaron liked to take a drink.

“What meal really screams ‘we’re dating’? Dinner? That’s like the longest meal of the day, that’s gotta show some sort of commitment.” Johnny asked.

“Hm…,” you droned, “well we just had a lunch. If we want to kick it into high gear, we should do breakfast. Perfect ‘just spent the night’ remedy.” You said with a snort.

Aaron cleared his throat behind you and the sound made you jump. You pulled the phone away from your ear and saw you’d been blabbering for nearly half an hour.

‘Oh. Sorry.’ You mouthed to Aaron, before pulling the phone back to your ear. “Hey Johnny gotta go, but we’ll figure it out later! Yeah…, for sure, bye!” You hung up and placed your phone on the counter. Then you grabbed the drink you had poured for him, holding it out.

“It’s Dalmore.” You said plainly.

“I’m working.” He responded.

You rolled your eyes at that and held it out more aggressively. “Take it.”

You watched happily as he begrudgingly took it out of your hand, though you knew it wasn’t too difficult for him. You picked up your own glass and tucked your phone into the waistband of your pants. “Ready? Sorry, got carried away.”

While the two of you walked back into your living room, it was obvious something was bothering Aaron. You briefly wondered if something had developed in the case that he wasn’t telling you.

‘What is it?” You asked.

He looked down at you, confused. “What is what?”

“Don’t play dumb, you have a tell.” You explained, stopping to look up at him.

“I do not have a tell.” Hotch replied annoyedly.

“Yes you do.”

“No, I don’t.”

“If you want to be a baby about it, fine you don’t have a tell. Tell me what’s wrong anyway.”

“I’m trying to understand why you lied about not having a boyfriend nor seeing anyone recently. We’ll need to fully vet Johnny and look into his files, even if you don’t see it becoming serious.” Aaron near spat.

You snorted. “What do you mean lied?”

“You very clearly told me you weren’t seeing anyone, yet today has proven those claims to be false.”

“I know that sometimes, I like to be a huge pain but I’m serious, what are you talking about? I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Your co-star, Johnny? You told me you were on a date with him today. I just heard you on the phone make plans to stay with him overnight. I saw the pictures of-”

“Stop! Oh my god, I can’t believe you actually believed that.” You said, unable to hold back the laughter that bubbled out of you.

“Believed it? You’re the only who told me!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have assumed you read through the lines. Johnny and I have been going on publicity dates. We’re just friends.”

“What were you supposed to be doing tonight then?”

“We were legitimately going to run lines. Maybe get ice cream, we’re trying to determine the best ice cream in LA.”

That’d explain the outfit, Aaron thought.

“And the phone call I just heard?”

“We were debating which meal screams ‘dating’. He thinks it’s dinner. I think it’s breakfast, ya know, cause it implies you spent the night.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that, before.”

“Don’t you remember when I had kinda the same thing with Timothee during Little Women? They made us hang out a bunch so the tabloids could just do their thing. I just assumed you’d fill in the blanks.”

Aaron was staring at you as if you had two heads. It was almost like you could see the gears turning in that head of his. Internally, he was more than embarrassed for how upset he’d gotten over the idea of you with someone else.

When it seemed that Aaron had nothing else to say, you started to walk again, not stopping until you were both back in your living room. You plopped down in ‘your spot’ on the couch, playfully patting the space a few cushions down that Aaron typically sat in.

“Crack open that script, I hope you looked through it. If you’re making me stay home, you better be useful!” You said pleasantly, trying to change the atmosphere into something more playful.

Aaron awkwardly sat himself down on the couch next to you, picking the script back up. As you watched him flip the script open and further acquaint himself with the lines you couldn’t help but feel a sharp pang in your chest. It was such an unavoidable reminder of the way the two of you used to run lines together when you were still dating. You had learned early on that Aaron best showed his affection through acts of service and he actually wasn’t that bad at delivering a line. Since the two of you were rarely together in person- it’s not like you’d let him waste a visit with you building a shelf or running an errand-, running lines with you was the easiest way for him to feel useful.

-----

Four Years Ago

“Okay Jack, you ready?” You asked, smiling down at the young boy standing across from you. He was dressed up in his winter clothes, despite the blazing heat of the summer. You and Aaron had tried to talk him out of it, but he demanded it’d be the only way for him to fully get into character. And who were you two to deny him? The sweet boy nodded, barely being able to contain his excitement as he bounced up and down on his feet.

“Alright, places everyone!” You yelled out, holding the diy paper clapperboard Jack had made for you. You held it out from your body and did a very exaggerated clapping motion. “Action!” You said, quickly throwing the clapperboard to the couch.

“Carrots!” Jack said, his voice more than enthusiastic for the role.

“Huh?” You said, heavily overselling your voice and reaction. Even with the one simple word, Jack was already in giggles, struggling to keep it together.

He leaned in closer to you, standing up on his tiptoes. “Behind you!”

“Oh! Right, excuse me.” You said, stepping to the side and gesturing to the ‘carrots’ behind you.

You made your voice really low to play the next part. “Woh, a real howler in July, yea? Where ever could it be coming from?” You asked, placing your chin in between your thumb and pointer finger.

Jack kept giggling at your ‘deep’ voice, he held his ‘script’ up to his face to read his next line. “The North Mountain.”

You jokingly ran a hand in front of your face, signaling a character switch. “North Mountain.” You stage whispered. You ran your hand in front of your face again, going serious. “That’ll be forty.” You said, holding your hand out with a ‘gimme’ gesture.

Jack smacked your hand gently to ‘give you’ the money. But after his face fell ever so slightly. “Can we skip to when Daddy gets to come in??” He asked, giving you those big eyes you couldn’t possibly say no to.

You stood back, putting your weight on your back leg with one hand on your hip. “Hmm.., I think that could be arranged.” You reached over to grab the clapperboard. “Alright everyone! Back to places, but let’s start at ‘Hi everyone’, okay?”

Jack nodded excitingly and turned back to where he knew Aaron was standing, partially hidden by the hallway. “Places daddy!” He urged, pointing to where he should come stand.

Aaron came out from around the corner and you quickly covered your mouth with your hand, trying to hold in the laughter. Aaron had a big white hat on his head and had let Jack put a small orange dot on his nose. You and Jack had definitely double teamed poor Aaron, dragging him into your little ‘movie game’ as Jack liked to call it. The three of you had started doing this a few months ago, Jack loved ‘running lines’ with you and you were more than happy to oblige him. It had started when a sleepy Jack had stumbled into the living room one night when he couldn’t sleep and he saw you and Aaron running lines for one of your other movies. Jack had taken to it so much you ended up ‘hiring’ him to help you with your more child friendly roles.

“Alright, alright. Quiet on set!” You said, making a big deal of you bringing your index finger up to your lips in a ‘shush’ motion. “Action!”

“Hi everyone. I’m Olaf. And I like warm hugs.” Aaron recited robotically , very clear that he was reading directly from the paper. You smacked your hand back over your mouth, unable to control the giggles. Once you started laughing, Jack fell into his own fit of laughter; both of you fueled off the others amusement.

Of course, when you finally pulled yourself back together, a quick look at the way Aaron was standing with fake annoyance across his face and his arms crossed tightly against his chest sent you back into fits of laughter.

“Are you two done?” Aaron asked, no true malice in his voice.

It was rare that the three of you all got to spend time together. He’d been wary of introducing you to Jack. It wasn’t really a ‘you’ thing, but it was more of how Jack would be able to deal with it. There were the typical worries, what if you and Jack didn’t get along? Or what if you two did get along really well but then you and Aaron broke up and it hurt him even further? While you never intended to try and replace his ‘mom’, you still worried that your chaotic schedule would somehow hurt him, skewing his perception of yet another ‘parental’ figure. Not to mention the issues with him being able to keep your identity and presence in his life a secret; he wouldn’t even be able to tell people like Uncle Rossi that his dad was seeing someone.

But now, you’d been with Aaron for over two years. And Jack had known about you for about a year now. And everything had been going perfect. Jack was a stellar secret keeper, the unfortunate events of his childhood maturing him faster than any child deserved and he was able to fully understand the importance of the situation. The two of you had taken to each other quite quickly and every night the three of you would have a ‘bedtime’ call; even on the nights when Aaron was busy with a case you’d still call Jack on your own. You loved spoiling him with whatever hot new toy was popular among kids his age or getting him special early copies of movies before they came out. Aaron used to get on you about it, saying it wasn’t necessary, but you argued it was the most necessary thing in the world.

And now here the three of you were. Nestled away in Aaron’s apartment in DC. You had just flown in after wrapping up a shoot abroad and were just in time for the start of summer. Even though your career was at a seemingly new high, you had managed to secure a relatively empty summer. After long consideration and planning you and Aaron decided it’d be a nice treat for Jack to go spend a month or so with you in LA. You’d consulted heavily with many of your friends who kept their children completely hidden from the spotlight and had hired an airtight security team to assist you the entire time. Aaron was supposed to come out when he could, but you were all aware of how turbulent his poor schedule could be. Schedule permitting, you all would spend the next three days at Aaron’s apartment before you and Jack took off.

“Daddy! You sound like a robot.” Jack said, scolding Aaron. His voice brought you out of your thoughts and you looked down at him with a big smile.

“Daddy’s just no good at this huh?” You asked, shaking your head. “He’s no match for our talent, Jack!”

“This is really hot.” Jack said, holding up his arms. He must’ve been sweating his butt off in all those winter layers.

“You’re kidding me! I wonder who could’ve seen that coming.” You said sarcastically, reaching over to pull off his big hat and zip down the first of multiple jackets he put on. “I’ve heard that ice cream cools you down…,”

“Ice cream!’ Jack exclaimed, his eyes lighting up. He didn’t even look to his father for ‘permission’, knowing by now you had the most sway in the house.

“Go put on some normal clothes okay? Wouldn’t be fun if you passed out in your ice cream bowl, huh?” You told him, ruffling his hair before he dipped under your arm, making a mad dash for his room.

“He hasn’t even had lunch yet, you know that right?” Aaron asked, giving you a fake stern look as he walked over to where you were standing.

You rolled your eyes at that, reaching up to snatch the white hat off his head, letting your arms fall loosely around his neck. “Does it upset you that I’m always the cool one?” You asked teasingly, reaching up on your tiptoes to press the gentlest kiss on his lips.

He gave you one of his small smiles, reaching down to press a second kiss to your lips. “How was your flight in?” He asked, one of his hands wrapping protectively around your waist as the other one found its way by your hair, gently stroking down it the way you liked.

You let your head relax against his touch and pretended to think for a moment. Instead of answering you reached up again, pressing your lips against his, pressing yourself closer to him. You both thought you could stay this way forever; it being the first time you saw each other, in person, in nearly two months.

“Gross!” Jack’s voice seemingly cut through the two of you. Aaron was the one to pull away first, quietly laughing so only you could hear.

“Later.” He promised in a whisper.

You loosened your grip on him, turning to face Jack. “Oh Jack! Funny seeing you here, ice cream, right?”

-----

Present Day.

“Page 103, right?” He asked, skipping to the bright pink sticky note you had used as a place marker.

You jolted out of your memories, feeling the heat rise up your neck as you prayed it wasn’t too obvious you had just completely zoned out.

“Yep!” You squeaked out, “page 103, line 19, you start.” You said, waving your hands.

“And I do envy him, Emma. In one respect he is the object of my enemy, you will not ask me why, you are, you are determined, I see, to have no curiosity but I cannot be wise-” He started, keeping his eyes near glued to the page.

You frowned, shaking your head a bit. “Stand up.” You ordered, already getting to your feet.

“Excuse me?” Aaron asked.

“Stand up,” you repeated, motioning upwards with your palms. “This,” you said, motioning between the two of you, “doesn’t feel right if we’re seated, we’re supposed to move around in this scene, it’s supposed to be painful.” You explained.

He slowly stood up, looking at you for permission to start again.

“From where you left off, please.”

“I must tell you, Emma, what you will not ask! Though I may wish it unsaid the next moment-”

“So do not speak it.” You cut in. “If you wish to speak to me, as a friend or to ask my opinion as a friend I will hear whatever you like.”

“As a friend, Emma. That I fear is a word, tell me Emma. Have I no chance of ever succeeding?” He asked, looking up at you for further approval, you nodded and he continued. “My dearest Emma, my dearest, you will always be my dearest most beloved Emma, tell me at once. I cannot make speeches, if I, if I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more-”

“Let’s do a different part, yeah?” You interrupted, voice incredibly tight. You ducked from his gaze, reaching to bring your glass to your lips.

“Isn’t this the scene you have to practice?” Aaron asked, raising his brow at you.

“It doesn’t matter,” you replied, taking a long sip, “any practice as the character will be helpful.”

“If this is the one that’s troubling you, we should go over it.” He pressed.

“Page 56, start at line 9.” You ordered, throwing back the rest of your glass. “Read it over, I’ll be back.”

Before you could fully turn to go and refill your glass, Aaron lunged forward and grabbed your arm, pulling you towards him. The sudden movement caused you to stumble, throwing your hands out to steady yourself against his chest.

“You’ve been drinking a lot.” He stated, repositioning his grip on your arm.

“Am I not allowed to have a drink or two in my own home?” You challenged.

“What are you running away from?” Aaron asked, his voice so gentle it made your knees weak.

“You.” You whispered, after a long pause. You looked up at him with sad eyes and only found confusion in his. “I can’t, I-, don’t you see how funny it is? Your character is desperate for mine to be with and my character is the one to deny yours.”

Your confession pulled sharply on his heart. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, not sure there were any words to appropriately apologize for how he had treated you.

“Why didn’t you ever call?” You asked, voice so quiet he almost didn’t hear you.

“I, I-” He stuttered, unable to think of an answer fast enough.

“I waited for weeks,” you said, looking up at him with a look that nearly brought him to his knees. “I waited so long and you never called.”

He brushed the hair out of your face, letting his hand fall gently against your cheek. His thumb caught a stray tear that had started to fall, softly brushing it away. “I don’t know.” He responded, his voice as quiet as your. “I don’t know, you didn’t deserve that.”

You pressed your face into his hand, closing your eyes as you felt more tears managing to sneak past you. He was finally admitting words you had dreamed of hearing for years, but yet you were unable to find any joy in them.

“You didn’t deserve that.” He repeated, sliding his hand towards the back of your head, pulling you firmly against his chest, while his other arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You let your body relax into his, slowly bringing your own arms up loosely around his neck.

You felt him gently press the faintest of kisses to the top of your head. “I’m so sorry angel.” He mumbled into your hair.

You pulled your head out from under him, looking up at him with big eyes. The two of you were silent, basking in each other's presence. Your eyes flickered down to his lips multiple times; something he duly picked up on. Just as you began to push up on your toes, nearly pressing your lips to his, eyes half closed in anticipation, his phone rang out.

You froze, falling back onto your heels with a small sigh. “Answer it, I’m getting a refill.” You said, pulling yourself out of his grasp. He gave you an uncertain look, as if he wanted to pull you back in and ignore the call completely.

You wagged a finger in front of him, shaking your head. In on fluid movement, you grabbed your glass and nearly ran out of the room

-----

It took you ten minutes to calm yourself down and another five to hype yourself up to return to your living room. And that was after you had made yourself a new drink.

When you entered the living room, Aaron’s back was to you; still locked on the phone. The tension was clear in his shoulders and your eyes drifted down to his free hand that you knew would be clenched in a fist. It was.

“Thank you Garcia, tell the team we’ll be there soon.” He said, pulling the phone away from his ear and hanging up.

“Aaron?” You asked.

He rolled his shoulders back, trying to loosen some of the tension from his shoulders for your benefit. He slowly turned back towards you, his face pulled in frustration.

“LAPD just reported another body.”

-------

taglist - @mac99martin @iwaizumiee @kylorendrip @hqtchner @lieswithoutfairytales @ssahoodrathotchner @midsummernightdream @weasleylovers @evans-dejong @itsmytimetoodream @yoshigguk @28cnn @cuddlyklaus @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @yallgotkik @sunflowersandotherthings @averyhotchner @kimmy-k-k @uwu-sebastianstan @ivebeenthinkingboutu

a/n - if youve sent a message asking to be tagged and dont see yourself here, let me know!! im so bad at remembering to move names to my taglist form!! tysm for reading! <3

no permission is given to copy or republish my writing on any other platform or account. if you see this story outside of my blog or my ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own nor claim to own criminal minds or any of the character involved in it.

#aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner/reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hothner/you #aaron hotchner x y/n #hotch x you #hotch/reader #hotch/you #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #aaron hotchner fanfiction #'stori writes #in the stars

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matthewtkachuk · 4 years

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how to be a heartbreaker: rule five - rafe cameron

Rafe Cameron’s privileged upbringing has let him get away with far too much, for far too long. Between his tormenting of the pogues, running his mouth without consequence, and arrogant attitude, it’s time someone knocked him down a peg. Breaking his bones didn’t work, but maybe you can break his heart.

co-authored with my love, freya @rekrappeter

pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader, unrequited!JJ x reader

warnings: angst, starting a relationship under false pretences, drinking and drug use

word count: 4.8k

a/n: here she is the last rule. all i have to say is we’re sorry and we love yall so much, don’t cancel us on the dash. please please please leave us feedback, freya and i read every comment and cry, love you guys so much!!

“Is this last rule even necessary?” you rolled your eyes, listening to JJ blabber on and on. John B jumped in now and again to add extra information that JJ glossed over but for the most part, your blonde friend took the lead again.

Kie chimed in, “I don’t think that y/n of all people needs to be reminded not to fall.”

“Yeah, do i look stupid enough to fall for Rafe Cameron’s charms?” You said, giving JJ an inquisitive look.

JJ smirked at you, shrugging his shoulders, “Look, I trust you but you John B thought it might be a good one to add.”

“You never know what life could throw at you, kid,” John B chuckled, sipping on his bottle of beer, “to be on the safe side.”

You stood from the couch, a grin on your face as your hands rested on your hips, you looked at each one of your friends in the eye. “I promise you all now, I will not fall in love with Rafe Cameron.” JJ smirked at your response to the worried looks, reaching out to do your handshake with him before he started to talk about the next rule.

“Rule five: when they call, don’t be the first to fall”

Weeks passed in a blur, punctuated with spending more and more time with Rafe - more movie dates in the back of his truck, spending time at the driving range as he jokingly accused you of embracing your inner kook, taking you for rides on his yacht (which you had to admit was much more impressive than the HMS Pogue), and eventually taking you to that fancy restaurant on the coast. It was also interspersed with less and less time spent with the Pogues, you were pulling away from them whether you realized it or not.

On a night when Pope finally convinced you to spend time with them all, you were perched on a broken lawn chair as your friends sat around the dying fire with you.

As you sat there, nursing a can of warming PBR, your mind wandered to what a certain kook was doing. You thought about the way he made you laugh, how his body felt against yours, the slow way he claimed your body and your mouth, the look in his eyes after you had both finished, sweaty and spent, wrapped in each other’s arms. You thought about the soft way he played with your hair as you laid your head on his chest, the way it felt to fall asleep next to him, and the soft and quiet joy you felt waking up with his arm around your waist. Panic set in as you realized the implications of your feelings. Your.... feelings. You felt your chest tighten and your eyes widen as you began to comprehend the truth, stupid bet and stupider plan be damned, you were falling for public enemy number one, Rafe Cameron himself. Your mouth went dry and you began to have difficulties breathing. Suddenly a mess of blonde hair was in your face as JJ kneeled in front of you. Despite your earlier fight, you were still his best friend and when JJ noticed you about to slip into a panic attack, he reacted quickly.

You vaguely recognized the words leaving his mouth as your name and, ‘are you okay?’ but the sight of him was distressing you more. How could you be falling in love with Rafe Cameron when you were already deeply in love with the boy in front of you? The two were bitter enemies, no love lost between them. The thought distressing you more and more you could only shake your head and weakly attempt to push his hands from their place on your knee, gasping out “Pope, I need Pope.”

JJ’s face fell, the realization that he’s no longer the one you turn to for comfort stings but he calls out for Pope, stepping back at letting his friend help you through it. He watched intently as Pope calmed you down, breathing with you and trying to get you to focus on his voice and your surroundings. JJ stumbled over a branch, watching you grip to Pope like a lifeline, and he realized then that he lost you. He hasn’t seen you in weeks, and if he did, it was for ten minutes maximum. He’d come by your house and it’d be empty, he’d wait in your bedroom and each time your bed looked as if it hadn’t been used in days. His messages went unanswered and it was getting hard to ignore the gossip of Rafe Cameron dating a pogue that fell off every middle aged woman’s tongue as he mowed their lawn.

He took one last look at you before turning his back to his friends and stalking away from the chateau with only one mission evident in his blurry mind. He ignored the protests of Kie and John B, feeling his friend grip his wrist to stop him but he made a clear break to his bike, jumping on it and starting the engine, making a beeline to figure eight.

An hour or two later you were making your way down the beach away from your friends. You had noticed JJ wasn’t there when you’d finally calmed down in Pope’s arms, but you just shrugged it off, assuming he’d found some blonde barbie touron and gone home with her. Your heart was pounding in your chest at the anticipation of seeing Rafe, he had messaged you earlier to meet him down by the lifeguard station. Despite your earlier freak out, you knew that your feelings for Rafe were genuine and you couldn’t wait to see him, to put all this behind you and start a real relationship with him, if he’d have you.

Spotting his tall figure sitting on the beach, you smiled to yourself and approached him quietly, covering his eyes with your hands and placing a soft kiss on his cheek. You felt him tense up, and your brows furrowed, Rafe had never acted so stiffly around you. Not since you’d started whatever was going on between you.

“You don’t have to do that,” he spoke lowly, sounding as though his throat was raw as he pulled your hands off of him.

“D-Do what?” you asked, stepping in front of him and grabbing his face in your hands. He leant into your touch for a moment, eyes closed before they slowly opened, revealing his red eyes.

“Pretend,” he looked right into your eyes and deep into your soul as you felt your heart shatter.

“Pretend? Rafe?” you don’t know why you were asking him, the realization had set in quickly that JJ wasn’t off with some touron, he was off ruining your happiness. Rafe stood up from the sand, his stature towering over you but he didn’t look as intimidating or as confident as he usually did, he looked heart broken. You had done it, you thought bitterly to yourself. You had perfected how to be a heartbreaker.

“Maybank told me everything, your stupid little plan, the stupid bet. All of it,”

“R-Rafe,” your voice broke, taking a step closer to him but he stumbled away from you, “It’s not what you think.”

Rafe scoffed drily, shaking his head, “You’re going to do that now? I know everything, y/n! You can’t fucking deny it! I trusted you with things, I-I opened up to you about everything… my mother,” he cried, ignoring the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. He didn’t care how he looked in this moment, he couldn’t care less if someone was filming him to expose him at some big party; he fell in love with you and he was broken, he wanted you to know how you made him feel.

“Rafe, when I agreed to do this, I wasn’t thinking about the ending… I was just thinking about how to get back at you for all the shit you put us through.”

A loud, heavy sigh passed his lips and the anger furried behind the agony, “That’s the problem with you and your fuckin pogues,” Rafe snapped, “You think you’re all innocent and I'm this awful monster you can pin the blame on. As if Maybank doesn’t start half, if not more of our fights, as if he’s never said something disgusting about my sister to me thinking he could get away with that. As if you didn’t pretend to fall in love with me just to see the look in my eyes when you tell me it was all a lie.”

“Yes, okay, I admit it, I was pretending at the start,” you shouted at him, feeling all your emotions piling over the edge, “But I wasn’t pretending for the last few weeks. Rafe I-” You blinked back tears, sobs threatening to rip from your lips, “I fell in love with you too.”

“How do I know you aren’t pretending right now? I bet that would be real funny to you and your friends, convince me that you’re in love with me too just to make it hurt even more when you pull the rug out for real.” He shook his head in utter disbelief. He couldn’t believe he had been so wrong about you. He thought that you cared for him, that you wanted him as badly as he wanted you. When JJ had showed up at his house, Rafe hadn’t believed him at first, you couldn’t be that cruel. But the look on your face when he said ‘you don’t have to do that’ confirmed it all for him. Rafe thought the worst pain he would ever feel in his life was standing over his mother’s casket at her funeral, but this came close.

“I'm not, Rafe, trust me… I’ve never felt this way about anyone and yes, I’ll forever regret how it started but-”

“You already won, you don’t have to pretend anymore,” he shook his head, interrupting you and turning to walk away.

“Rafe, stop!” you begged, grabbing onto his wrist, but he easily shook you off.

“Congratulations, you got what you wanted, I fell in love with you,” Rafe muttered, disdain dripping from his tongue, “I hope you and Maybank are really happy together, don’t ever speak to me again,” he snarled, giving you one last look before he walked away from you.

“Rafe, please,” You begged, before you felt your knees give out, collapsing into the sand. The sobs you had barely been keeping at bay finally escaped your lips, the sound heart wrenching to anyone who was unfortunate to be near enough to hear them.

JJ must have been nearby, because he was on you in a second, “y/n?!” He was gripping your shoulders, attempting to pull you in for a hug, but you shoved him as hard as you could away from you, and frantically clawed at the sand to propel you backwards, away from him.

"This is all your fault!" You wanted to scream and shout at the top of your lungs, but you couldn't, your voice was a weak whimper. JJ watched you intently, his heart slowing at the sight of you, tears streaming down your face. He can count the amount of times he'd seen you cry on one hand, and it was a sight he wanted to erase from his mind completely.

"Y/n, i-" but he didn't know what to say. He knew what he'd done, he wasn't thinking about you when he said those words. He was solely focused on breaking Rafe's heart that he never considered yours.

“I know you couldn’t ever love someone like me, but that didn’t mean you had the right to stop everyone else from it. Am I that repulsive, that disgusting that you feel the need to ruin any chance I have at happiness?” You sobbed, head falling into your hands. You knew JJ would never love you the way you wanted, and you knew that he was always threatening boys to keep them away from you, but you never thought he would actually do this.

“Y/n, that’s- that’s not-” he was struggling to find the words to say to show you that wasn’t how he felt about you at all.

"I-I'm done, JJ, I'm done chasing something that will never happen," You shook your head, voice hoarse from the screaming and the crying. The one man you wanted to wrap his arms around you and comfort you couldn’t even look at you anymore; the man you shared the softest of moments with in such a short span of time, the man that made you feel something, made you feel wanted and loved.

“Y/n, we can work this out,” JJ pleaded, kneeling down in front of you but you shook your head, pushing him away again. “You’re my best friend and I love you, y/n.”

You choked out a strangled laugh, “Love? Fuck you JJ, you don’t know the meaning of the word.”

“That’s not true, I know I love you.” He pleaded again, stupidly reaching for you a third time. But this time his fingers wrapped around your wrist, pulling you to him and he crashed his lips against yours. You struggled against him, his grip strong and tight until you bit his lip. He let go of your wrists in shock and you took the opportunity to slap his cheek as hard as you could.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You cried at him, “You can’t just do that to me JJ. You know that I have been in love with you our whole lives, you don’t get to do this right now. You don’t get to do this ever.” You finally managed to get up, tears falling from your face.

“Y/n, I-” he started again, realizing that he had well and truly fucked up this time, possibly ruining your friendship beyond repair.

“Congratulations, you broke Rafe Cameron’s heart… but you also broke mine.” You spit at him and walked into the night.

JJ sat there on his knees for a moment in shock, staring at his hands that had just held you. His lips were tingling with a kiss that he had craved since the first and last time when you were both fourteen. But it was all wrong. He had waited too long, thinking that you would always just be there in the wings, waiting for him to get his shit together and then you could be together. He had always just taken for granted his beautiful best friend, the one who he swore up and down he didn’t have feelings for, but deep down he always knew he did.

One minute, he’s wallowing in the consequence of his actions, the next, Pope is shoving him, telling him to ‘get up’.

“You idiot!” Pope shouted. JJ had never seen his best friend this mad before, and never at him. Not when JJ had pulled that gun on Topper, not when they had sunk that boat, not even when JJ had attacked you for sleeping with Rafe. But here Pope was, practically shaking with rage that was all directed at him. “When I said tell her how you feel, I didn’t mean destroy her relationship with Rafe and attack her with your face.”

“Yeah, but it was a relationship with Rafe. Cameron.” JJ enunciated the syllables of his enemies first and last name.

“A relationship that you unconsciously set up, and no matter who it is with, y/n is our best friend! We should support it, but we’ll never get the chance now because y/n is a sobbing mess in the house adamant that Rafe wants nothing to do with her. Because of you!”

“I- I didn’t want to hurt her,” JJ lamely replied, eyes downcast on the sand rather than look into the rightfully furious eyes of his best friend.

“And what did you think was going to happen when you exposed the plan to Rafe? Or when you tried to kiss y/n right after her heart was torn out of her chest, huh? What is wrong with you?”

“I wasn’t really thinking, man,” JJ ran his hands over his face, exhaling loudly.

“Clearly,” Pope replied drily, shaking his head at the idiocy of his best friend, wondering if there was a way to fix this, or if JJ had ruined everything.

Only a few feet away, you lay curled up against Kie’s side as she stroked your hair and let you cry on her shoulder. “I love him, Kie, I love him and he wants nothing to do with me. And he’s right to want nothing to do with me. What do I do?”

“Right now, you sleep it off.” She said softly, not understanding your love for the boy who had only ever made your friends’ lives hell, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t support it, support you. You loved her for that.

“And then?” You whispered sleepily, the exhaustion of the last hour of your life seeping deep into your bones.

“I believe if two people are meant to be together, eventually they’ll find their way back.”

Tag list:

htbah taglist (link to add yourself to the google form in the series masterlist!):

@solllaris @drewswannabegirl @starrystarkey93 @httpstarkey @sweetlysilent @drewstarkey @dontjinx-it @ultranikilove @spencereidbasis @meaganjm @starlightstarkey @thortheestallion @jiaraendgame @idocarealot @tempestuousjj @pink-meringues @dpaccione @arianabrashierstuff @softstarkey @loveylangdon @xenagzb @teenwaywardasgardian @prejudic3 @nxsmss @canibeoneofthepogues @outerbanksbro @obx-direction-sos @nqbmf @digniteas @annedub @colorful-queen-of-the-roses @yesp0ny @loveniallandharryonedirection @fantasticpsychicfanfish @girls-breaking-hearts @beautyandthebleh @casper17 @mozz-are-lla @parkershoco @unfortunatekiwitrash @loverofmineluke @slutforjjmaybank @skiesofthesketchy @httpstarkey @sugarcoatedcalum @amorisxx @trinnwazheree @stargazingstarkey @obx-saltlife @juliarose21 @hyperactive2411 @mcarignan @feyrecauldron-blessed @sportygal55 @popcrone818 @wtfkie @raekenliar @letsgotothehop @walkingtothesun @outerbanksbro @summerkaulitz @glux64 @itslilithsstuff @softsunlightskies @kaitieskidmore1 @mycowatemyhw @poguepunk

rodeo rafe babies who said they were interested:

@royalmerchant @outerbankslut @honeyycheek @jellyfishbeansontoast @ilovejjmaybank @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @girlsru1eboysdroo1 @https-luna @butgilinsky @rae131415

diverdcwn everything taglist:

@velyssaraptor @danicarosaline @copper-boom @x-lulu @prejudic3 @downbytheouterbanks @ilovejjmaybank @bricksatanakinswindow @jellyfishbeansontoast @sunwardsss @rudyypankow @im-a-stranger-thing @alexa-playafricabytoto @maybankfullkook @sortagaysortahigh @socialwriter @bluesiderudy @anxietyandtacos @diverrdown @stargazingstarkey

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe obx #rafe x you #rafe x reader #rafe x y/n #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe imagine #rafe fanfiction #rafe cameron #rafe cameron angst #im so sorry #freyby writes #diverdcwn writes #htbah #did we end that on a gossip girl quote??? maybe #the end....right?

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kakujis · 3 years

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MYRA IS HERE!!!!! no last name, maybe yall can help me with one ^_^.

A werewolf who is extremely loyal to her friends. Feels very protective of Eirlys, wants to be packmates. If you want to romance her, make sure to befriend Eirlys! If you help Eirlys out Myra is much more likely to become fascinated with you too. This isn’t to say her obssession with Eirlys is the only part of her personality!! She loves violence and blood. Almost forgot to mention, as a LI she will fight your bullies and anyone who messes with you, regardless of where you are in school. She has great hearing after all. Goes to detention often, but Leighton is afraid of her.

Hasn’t been caught by Black Wolf, she’s too fast for them! Lives with her mother. Keeps her ears out in hopes someone will touch them so she can hurt them. Loves to transform, would spend more time in her werewolf form if she could. Wants to fight tear out their throat Whitney and anyone who is rude to her friends. Has loyalty and distrust stats. Will automatically distrust you if you are a man or male presenting... I’m sorry LOL.

Here’s her first meeting!:

You walk outside to the rear playground during lunch. You catch two girls sitting together on a bench. (If you’ve met Eirlys already) You recognize one of them.

(If you haven’t) You’ve never seen them before, although they do look vaguely familiar. Perhaps you have a class with them? Wait, does one of them have dog ears?

You approach the two.

(Eirlys met). “Oh hello! It’s good to see you again!” She says, grinning up at you.

Before you can respond, the other girl cuts you off. “Who is this?” She almost growls it out, glaring at you.

(If you helped Eirlys with Whitney’s lighter) “It’s okay Myra, they’re my friend!” Eirlys places a hand on Myra and this seems to calm her down.

>Ask how Eirlys is ++Eirlys Love +Myra Loyalty

(If you went with her to Whitney) You ask Eirlys if she’s okay after meeting with Whitney.

“Y-yes! I’m okay, thank you... for going with me...” She looks away, shy. Myra cocks her head curiously.

“Ohh, so you’re the one that went with her... thanks.” She says, sparing you a glance. She pats Eirlys’ head. “I told you to stay away from Whitney.”

Eirlys nods while keeping her head down. You feel like looking out for her in case Whitney tries anything.

(If you took the lighter to Whitney) “I’m okay! Um.. did Whitney get his lighter back?” She asks, seemingly much more interested in the conversation.

You nod and tell her about what happened. She listens intently before shyly looking away.

“Thank you again...” She says, smiling.

“Thanks for taking the lighter,” Myra starts. “I hate that guy/girl and don’t want Eirlys around them.” +++Myra Loyalty +Myra Love

>Ask Myra about her ears +Myra Distrust -Myra Love

You ask about her ears, they don’t look fake and you want to know where she got them from.

She glares at you. “None of your fuckin’ business.” She says before turning away.

Eirlys senses the awkward atmosphere and tries to ask about your day so far. You respond, slightly irritated at her companion, before leaving the two.

(If not) “Um... they’re a classmate! It’s okay.” She nervously glances at you which seems to agitate Myra more.

> Apologize ++Eirlys’ Love +Myra Loyalty

You apologize for not doing more. Eirlys shakes her head quickly. “No! It’s okay, um...” She trails off, playing with the hem of her skirt. “Whitney was a little mean about it, and they shoved me into a locker...”

If you knew better, you could swear there was a slight blush on her face. Myra’s eyes flash with anger.

“You fuckin’ let her- you fuckin’ went to see Whitney?!” She grabs Eirlys’ face. “Do you want to get hurt?!”

Eirlys shakes her head as much as she can within the grip.

“And you.” Myra says, letting go and standing up to face you. “Are you a fuckin’ idiot? Maybe I should shove you in a locker.” She grabs your collar, but lets go once she feels Eirlys grab onto her.

“It’s okay... it’s my fault...” Eirlys pleads, “Don’t hurt them..”

Myra lets go, clearly disgusted with you. “Leave.” She says before sitting down.

You do as she says, wishing Eirlys goodbye.

>Ask how it went +Eirlys Love +Eirlys Submission ++Myra Distrust

You ask how things went with Whitney, feeling a little bad at your reaction before.

“Oh! Um... Whitney was a little mean about it, and they shoved me into a locker...”

-The same scene will play here with Myra grabbing your collar.- You can leave or apologize. Apologizing with gain a small bit of love from Eirlys and a small bit of loyalty from Myra.

(If you haven’t met) You say hello to get their attention. One of them gives you a small wave and smile, while the other glares.

“What do you want?” This girl almost spits this out at you, glaring.

You put your hands up, claiming you just wanted to say hi. This time, the girl next to her speaks.

"Oh! I recognize you. We have math together!" She says, giving you a small smile. She hesitates before pulling something out of her bag. "Um... this is Whitney's... do you.. think you could give them this? It dropped out of their pocket when they left class..."

Myra scoffs. "Fuck him/her, just keep it."

You now have the same options as when you first met Eirlys. Choosing to help her raises Myra's love and loyalty up. While laughing will cause Myra to grab your collar and try to fight.

#lissys ocs #FUCK THIS WAS LONG SORRY #ANYWAYS TY RAVEN FOR HELPING ME FIGURE OUT TEXT COLORS OMFG

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gamerwoo · 4 years

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[Tales from the Pack] Jihoon: Unfamiliar (Part One)

Characters: Jihoon x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, familiar au, fantasy, kinda angst but kinda not???, a lil fluffy ig

Word count: 1,779

Summary: Jihoon’s never really been considered a warm or affectionate person. His pack teases him about what it’ll be like when he finally gets a mate, but he doesn’t worry about it. Little do they know that his mate is a lot closer than they think.

Tag list: @choiminjae0325 @heolykpop @fullsun-donghyuck @yoonbabe-d @exuwu @lets-get-1t @vintageot5 @sehunnies-hunnie96 @childfmoonn @wobwobkpop @henloimawierdobye @dirinast @joshwoah @wreckedbytae @salty-for-suga @janellxu @xu-miseo @uglyratlmao @sakura-uji @littleheartsays @onewoowonderboy @kesmonster @xxbluestrifexx @starlightshua @artistic-rendition (if you wanna be added please send an ask!!)

Unable to tag: @birthday-prinxess @sooooofrench

a/n: things in italics are in a dream. also uhhhh yeah so i never even got to start jihoon’s part in the og tftp so hopefully this goes well lmao i hope yall like it !!!!!!

Next | Unfamiliar Masterlist

The first time Jia saw you, she didn’t recognize you. She only knew you as the fluffy black cat with your bright green eyes and sharp teeth that poked out of your mouth.

“Hello?” her familiar, calming voice had you whipping around, almost excited to see the girl you’d help get back home.

But when you saw her, you paused as well -- just for a moment. You were so used to seeing the foreign girl from a much lower angle, so seeing her at your normal height made her look a little different than you remembered.

“Jiaying,” your face slowly broke into a smile. “It’s been a while.”

“We know each other?” she asked, but she didn’t seem afraid. Maybe a little confused, but her wide, blue eyes were full of curiosity rather than concern.

“Suppose I look a bit different when I’m not a cat,” you chuckled.

Jia’s eyes widened, “_____?”

“Nice to see you again.”

She ran up to you and wrapped her arms around your waist, giving you a tight hug and refusing to let go, “_____, I missed you!”

“Wow, okay,” you laughed, rubbing her back.

Honestly, you were kind of...happy she missed you. You didn’t expect her to, really. Maybe it was because you weren’t used to having friends. Maybe because you couldn’t really communicate with anybody. Maybe because you were just a cat to most people.

But you already knew Jia wasn’t most people.

“How are you suddenly here?” she asked, pulling back but keeping her hands on your waist. “Well, how am I here?”

“You tell me,” you shrugged. “It’s your power, isn’t it?”

You recalled back in the cottage when Jia explained her whole background to you. It was around the time she had realized you understood her, and it was mainly for her to keep sane. She would talk to you about anything and everything, and you’d just sit there and listen -- it wasn’t like you could give your two cents anyway.

“Is this what you look like as a human?” she asked, stepping back a few paces to look you over. She giggled. “You’re so cute!”

“Haven’t heard that a lot...” you chuckled, nodding your head slowly.

Jia’s expression suddenly turned serious, her bright blue eyes looking curiously into yours, “What exactly...happened to you, _____?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why don’t you look like this all the time?”

You ran a hand through your hair, letting out a gust of air as you shrugged, “I just can’t.”

You knew why. You knew very well the reason why. But you didn’t want to tell Jia. You knew she’d want to involve herself, and you didn’t want that. You didn’t want to give yourself a false sense of hope like you had years ago.

She frowned, her brows furrowing as she stared down at the ground. The two of you were in the forest -- not any location in particular -- and the sun seemed to be setting or rising. You weren’t completely sure. Dreams were weird.

“Are you going to come visit?” she wondered after a moment of her just staring down at the grass, finally raising her head again to look at you.

You shrugged, “Maybe.”

“I want you to.”

You couldn’t help but smile a bit, “Yeah, I know. But I’m not becoming your house cat, y’know.”

“You remind me of Jooyeon,” she stated with a warm laugh.

“Remind me which one that is again.”

“The thief.”

“Ah, right,” you nodded. “Well, I’m not sure if that should be a compliment, then.”

“_____, the offer’s always open,” Jia told you, changing the subject back. She seemed to excited to talk to you again to be able to focus on one thing, but you thought that was kind of adorable.

When you saw her before, she was more sad and lonely. She missed her family and you were just focusing on getting her back to them -- and getting that old hag killed was just a bonus. But now she was brighter and warmer and more excitable. You liked seeing this Jia. You were happy for her.

“Thanks,” you nodded, “but--”

“You don’t have to say anything about it,” she interjected. “Just...know it’s there, okay?”

You offered her a small half-smile, “Okay.”

“I’m going to wake up soon,” she sighed. “Jiwoo’s crying really loudly. I think Mingyu’s too tired to wake up.”

“Right, the dad,” you nodded, vaguely recalling her saying one of the werewolves had a child maybe half a year ago -- but that was maybe almost a month ago. The idea of having a family was so weird to you considering you hadn’t been in your human form for a long time. “Well...take care of yourself, alright?”

“You too,” she smiled softly.

And then she faded from your dream, leaving you alone with a weird, empty feeling.

You woke up not too long after that, your tail curled around yourself as you rested on the couch in the small cottage. You weren’t sure how long until someone came along and found it, but you continued to sleep there. You weren’t sure what else to do with yourself now other than sleep. You also had to find new means of feeding yourself, hoping you wouldn’t have to resort to catching field mice again. You didn’t necessarily have to eat, but feeling hungry was just uncomfortable. The witch made you catch your own food for a while until you just started stealing her breakfast and dinner before running out the window to eat it where she couldn’t bother you. Then, of course, there was Jia who took care of you properly.

Of course there was a part of you who wanted to go home with Jia. But you also knew that wasn’t where you belonged. You couldn’t live out your pathetic life as a pet. Even though you didn’t expect to fulfill what the witch had told you, you didn’t want to live for however long as some house cat. Besides, you didn’t want anyone knowing anything about you or why you were the way you were. Jia only gathered a little bit of information, and that was all you would allow.

Your eyes looked over to the window, seeing the sun just barely about to rise. You stretched and let out a silent yawn before hopping down from the couch, and making your way outside through the window in the kitchen. Then you went off in search of something to keep you entertained for the day, just like you did every other day.

Jihoon wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand as he straightened his back. Having fresh vegetables was nice, but gathering them when the hot sun was beating down on him kind of sucked. He would’ve much rather roped someone else into doing it alongside Minghao and Seungkwan, but he was an alpha and had to be responsible.

In the yard, he could hear Jiwoo’s soft giggles as Danbi played with her in her lap with Soomin, Mingyu’s grunts as he chopped firewood near the house with the ax that Jooyeon was proud to say she sharpened, and Seungcheol and Joshua attempting to fix a broken shutter on the second floor. The other wolves were inside either making food or doing other chores. Jooyeon was off at the market with Jeonghan to get groceries, and Jia had asked to tag along. While Minghao was definitely even more protective of her now, he knew he couldn’t live in fear of her being taken again -- plus the witch was dead thanks to him -- so he let her go, knowing Jeonghan and Jooyeon would keep sharp eyes on her.

“She was very excited to go, though,” Minghao had said when him, Seungkwan, and Jihoon had began working in the vegetable garden. “More excited than normal.”

“Is she still hoping to find that cat?” Seungkwan scoffed. “The witch is gone, so the cat probably is, too.”

“But it was with her at the cottage. Junhui tried to find it for her after but it ran off.”

But even while working, Jihoon didn’t think much of the situation or the cat. Even though Junhui still liked to poke fun at him for how much he seemed to like the fluffy black cat, it was still just a cat. It wasn’t significant to him, and it was easily forgotten. Why would he be hung up on some animal, anyway? It had been a month since he’d seen it.

“Hao!” Jia’s voice called as she walked around the back of the house from the front with Jeonghan, and Jooyeon flanking hthem, Jeonghan carrying the majority of the groceries while Jooyeon only had two bags.

“Home already?” Minghao asked as he stood up from his work, his t-shirt damped with sweat that also slicked his black hair back.

“Did you happen to grab any lemons?” Seungkwan asked with a slight whine in his voice. “I want some of Danbi’s lemonade.”

“Then grow some,” Jooyeon deadpanned before heading inside to put groceries away -- she tried to take some of the bags from Jeonghan, but he shooed her away.

“Did you have fun?” Minghao asked, walking through the garden to meet his mate halfway. “You seemed eager to leave.”

“Because I saw _____ in my dream!” she grinned.

“Who?” Mingyu called from where he was still chopping up firewood, his shirt long since discarded.

“The cat,” both Minghao and Jia replied.

“I was hoping maybe she’d be at the market,” Jia explained before he face slowly began to fall, “but...I don’t think she was.”

Jihoon turned around to look at Jia, running a hand through his sweaty hair, “Remind me again the significance of this cat?”

Jia merely shrugged, “I liked her.”

Jihoon sighed and shook his head. He knew that couldn’t be all there was to it -- Jia liked a lot of animals but she didn’t wander out in the forest looking for the squirrel she fed from her palm once -- but he also knew it was useless to fight with her on this. Jia was a strange girl -- very sweet and likable, but strange. Peculiar was probably the proper word.

“How did you have a dream with a cat in it?” Seungcheol wondered as he held the ladder that Joshua had climbed up to fix the shutter.

“Yeah, that seems...weird,” Joshua agreed, not looking away from where he was hammering a nail into the wood.

But while the pack debated on the accuracy of Jia’s story and reasoning, Jihoon just went back to work and drowned them all out.

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ever-is-typing · 3 years

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Hi! Hope you're having a nice day! Could I request some (either general or romantic) Head cannons for emma x luca? Thank you so much! :3<3 feel free to ignore if you don't want to >-<

note: looks like yall were sharing a brain cell, teehee 😏 and ofc i'll do Lumma! i have a soft spot for rarepairs so exploit it all you want "^_^

⚡⛓️Luca (Prisoner)⛓️⚡ and 🌳🌸Emma (Gardener)🌸🌳 relationship headcanons!

• these two, oh boy...

• at first glance, you'd never think they were a couple.

• they both look very different from each other (with one of them donning a prisoners uniform and whatnot)

• but once you get to know them, they're actually two peas in a pod!

• they're both very friendly and warm, so they're drawn to each other's energy rather quickly

• not to mention very curious! they're both the kind to excitedly gush to each other about anything particularly interesting they discovered, no matter how mundane it may be in someone else's eyes

• Luca has always been intrigued by the design of the rocket chairs that seem to be the bane of every survivor's existence-

• so Emma, having over 2 years of chair-breaking experience, is more than familiar with each and every part of what makes a rocket chair tick.

• and she's more than happy to spend time meticulously going over each and every component to her bright-eyed boyfriend.

• seeing Luca get so excited over machinery makes her excited too :) she thinks it's adorable when he gets passionate!

• that goes for his "Great Invention," too- she knows how absorbed he can get into his work sometimes, and ofc she tends to worry about how obsessed he can get, but seeing that determination of his only ever serves as an inspiration to keep persevering!

• she does fuss over him if he overworks himself, though. will force him to take breaks when its late, tugging on the chain around his neck and whining like a child for him to come to bed with her

• and ofc he obliges bc how can he say no to that face 🥺

• and naturally, she pitches in to help wherever she can. Emma is no genius inventor, but she has a box full of tools and a vague understanding of how to use them ;)

• she has a reputation of making things explode though so Luca has to supervise whenever she insists on lending her aid

• assuming that Emma and Leo were able to recognize each other, i think that Luca might be absolutely terrified of him off the bat

• i mean like hello what your dad is one of those spooky creepy vengeful ghost zombie dudes who hunts us for sport?????? okayyyyyy 😃😃😃😃

• and naturally, when Leo hears that Emma is being courted by Luca, he isn't too thrilled

• his little princess deserves the best, and she settles for some former convict?!

• ofc though Leo is still an epic gamer dad king idol of whom we stan so he at least decides to sit down and have "The Talk" with Luca to give him a fighting chance here

• and yk Leo is actually quite glad he did, because Luca's disgruntled appearance does not match his personality and mannerisms whatsoever

• even if he doesn't fully remember his past life as an aristocrat, he retains a lot of base instinct for politeness and maturity that catches Leo off guard

• and, after hearing how genuine he is in his passion and affections for his daughter, Leo is content with letting them continue courting each other

• "Aye, but you have to teach that boy of yours to woodwork, Lisa," He would chuckle. "Can't be having that machine oil clogging up his brain. Better to do it with sawdust, it builds character!"

• and with a hearty slap on the back (that knocks all of the wind out of Luca's throat) the two young lovers are left on their way :)

• all in all these two are pretty much inseparable. their energetic natures inspire and encourage each other to strive towards greatness- but their support for each other is the greatest encouragement of all. <3

#idv #identity v #idv prisoner #idv gardener #idv luca #idv emma #idv ship #idv headcanons #idv scenarios

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dianapana · 4 years

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SasuHina Month 2020- Day 18

Prompr 18-Movie Stars AU

Initially I wanted to do this in the same universe as the fake dating one. It’s based on pretty much the same idea I guess. I wrote this a few years ago and I wanted to use it; hope yall don’t mind. Love ~Dia

<<Their break-up was the kind of thing that filled front pages for days, it was the talk of the internet, much like their first hook-up was, much like their first meet-up was. Despite working on the same set for a few months, their schedules never matched, they never had a scene together, they were never even in the same building, yet once the movie hit the screens, the unlikely couple picked up fans and speed like a snowball rolling down a hill.

It didn’t matter to the fans that the two raven-haired young adults were never on screen at the same time, the only thing that picked their interest was one of Sasuke’s character line which mentioned something that had an indirect reference to Hinata’s character. That was all it took for the ‘SasuHina’ fan base to blow up out of proportions.

The ‘sasuhina’ tag grew bigger each day on all social media platforms, until it received the attention of a few small magazines, then bigger ones which led to several questions asked to both celebrities about the other.

On a red-carpet interview, a reporter from ‘KonohaNow!’ Asked Hinata what was her first impression when she met the Uchiha heartthrob, after a small laugh caused by the subject of the said question, Hinata stated “No, but really, I never even met Sasuke. Once the trailer launched, I noticed a few posts about me and him, but I honestly never expected it get this big. You’d be surprised how many rumors I heard about the two of us, despite us never actually being in the same room”

The said declaration set the fans on fire, making it their top priority to get the two of them to formally meet, of course in a public way. So, a few months later, both of them stood on a chair across from each other live on ‘The Akatsuki’, while Deidara couldn’t help but grin at the two. Once the show was live it was ranked as one of the most viewed talk-shows in the past years.

After Deidara finished his usual introduction, the two of them got up and officially shook hands and introduced each other. The gesture was a bit awkward which did not escape the public eye, making them come up with reasons such as they were shy to meet, or nervous. If the fandom was big before, after their ‘meet cute’ it had tripled, making both of them rise on the popularity ladder quite a bit.

Even so, the moment that it was certain that SasuHina was real, was a year after their meet, when without any promoting, a trailer for a movie was launched, with the two of them as the main characters that made a deal to help each other commit suicide. The movie was the most expected one of that year, despite no one knowing anything about it but those 50 seconds showing both of them in front of their laptops writing mails to the other. The title was vague “50 Days” and there were no promoting methods, from posters of the movie, to short interviews about it, none of those existed.

Every talk show host that asked to make an interview about the said movie was shut down, critics were confused by the secrecy, since directors tend to do as much advertising as they can, but it turned out that doing nothing, was the perfect method to make everyone talk about the movie. Once it hit the screens a few months later, the fans that expected it purely based on the actors playing were pleasantly surprised with a well written plot, and marvelous filming and editing. The ending of the movie, was one that left its mark on the YA movie industry, making everyone wish that the heroine would have found her partners in crime affection enough to make her wish to live, but sadly it didn’t. The ending broke the world’s heart, but no one seemed to mind at all, since the film featured a couple of shared intimacies between the Hyuuga girl and Uchiha boy. From kisses to, warm hugs and even the dramatic final scene, of Sasuke’s character walking away crying after Hinata’s character funeral, all the tragedy was forgiven.

After finally all the secrets of the movie being spilled, the two actors had the freedom to share everything about the making of the film, from the easiness of working together, to their fast friendship. Pictures of them together on and off set started filling the internet and newspapers for a period of time, only to die down for a couple of months.

Their radio silence was picked up as a sign of their relationship, which was in the ‘hiding’ at that moment. As crazy as it seemed at the time, the theories were proven somewhat right when a picture of them kissing was featured on the front page of a magazine, followed by a video posted on Hinata’s Instagram with her and Sasuke doing a silly dance which ended with the pair hugging and sharing a small kiss.

The fandom could not hold their excitement back, their relationship was labeled as ‘goals’ for the duration of 3 years, the length of it. But a couple of weeks after Sasuke’s 25th birthday their relations suddenly ended.

The media and fans were confused, since they never once made any statement of not getting along, their last picture together was barely a week before the break-up and they seemed content. Everyone was expecting a marriage, not a break-up!>>

It came hard for him to read about his failed love life on every magazine and news site in the world, but whenever he saw anything with her name, he couldn’t help but read, because maybe one of these writers would say something remotely close to the possibility of their break-up being fake, or them getting back together, yet none did that.

“You’re sulking again”

Gaara, his friend and bodyguard told him. The redheaded man was sitting on his sofa as well, switching between Tv channels, to anyone he would have looked like a friend only, not like the man in charge of the safety of his life. Sasuke sighed and put his pad on the coffee table.

“She’ll be back.”

The Sabaku man reassured him, he had been saying that every day since the break-up, and each day it seemed more of a lie. At the beginning he was certain Hinata would turn around and run back to his side, but as weeks passed, he was starting to doubt the possibility.

“You put too much faith in her”

The black-eyed man said while walking into the hallway leading to his bedroom, he was tired and needed sleep. His bed was the only comfort he still had. It was their bed for 3 years. The bedsheets still smelled like her even after being washed a number of times, the mattress still held her body shape.

The last phrase from the article he just read sat heavy on his brain. << Everyone was expecting a marriage, not a break-up!>> He sure had too. He had asked Hinata to marry him, and she dead-pan rejected him, not only did she say no, but she had actually got up and left him.

He knew that she must have had a good reason to leave, he just couldn’t figure out what. Before the said incident, she had been dropping hints here and there about getting married. Subtle hints from sighing happily at the end of rom-cons when the couple got married, to straight up forward questions such as whether he would be alright with a western-type wedding rather than a Japanese one.

He was so fucking certain they were on the same page. Every time she asked anything regarding marriage, he sat a little straighter since the ring sad untouched hidden in their bedroom for a little over 2 weeks, before the hints started. He just needed the time to be right, and when he thought it was; apparently, she didn’t.

He took out his phone and looked at his messages, he had plenty of those but none from Hinata. When she left, she only asked for time and space and he was hell bound to give her whatever she wanted, but the more time passed his hope of her returning with an explanation grew smaller. Being a person in the public eye, he learnt a few important lessons such as not to read the comments to Drama-articles, but he caved this time. Every comment was full of speculations or just straight-up angry for the way things ended between the two of them.

Finally, he put his phone on the nightstand and sighed. Since they started dating 3 years ago, he was so used to her being at his side almost every day. Sure, they were busy with filming their own movies or tv series, with photo shoots, interviews, talk-shows and everything else their agent scheduled. But everyone liked to take advantage of their relationship and of their common fanbase so most of the times they played in the same series, they were called for shows at the same time, there was not a day to go by when they weren’t together for at least a couple of minutes.

Sasuke moved onto her side of the bed and buried his head in her pillow. He kept wondering if she missed him as much as she did him. Her smell still filled their bathroom and there were still days when he’d wake up confused over the empty space in his bed.

He knew Hinata loved him, their love life was full, he would catch her staring at him with a smile on her face, without even realizing it they were always touching, holding hands, their shoulders pressed together, her hand on his knee, his arm around her waist, so without her there he felt somehow incomplete.

He must have fallen asleep at some point because he was jerked awake by a loud crash in the living room. He could hear Gaara talking to someone, not sure who could have caused all this chaos he got up and went to see what was happening. Getting closer to the ruffle he recognized the man talking.

“I don’t give a shit that he decided to give her space. Just because that’s what she wants doesn’t mean it’s what she needs”

His breath sped up. Neji, he was talking about Hinata. He never expected her cousin to come seek him out. The older Hyuuga saw him and started moving towards him, Gaara made a move to get in front of Sasuke before Neji could reach him.

“Out of my way Sabaku. He has to come with me”

“Do you know where she is?” Sasuke asked and he moved around Gaara.

“I do, and she really needs you right now”

That was all he had to hear. If Neji thought it was a good idea for him to go to Hinata it had to be, he would never do anything to harm his little cousin. Sasuke only nodded at his red-headed friend and they were on the move.

They took Neji’s car, the plan was to get Hinata and if all went well Neji would drive them both to their home if not…he’d still drive Sasuke. He only hoped things would turn out good.

“Do you know what happened?”

The Hyuuga clenched his hands around the wheel tighter. “I do” Sasuke opened him mouth to ask what but couldn’t get the words out before Neji talked again. “I really don’t think you should hear this from me. Granted you were supposed to be the first to find out after her but we all make mistakes, don’t be mad at her, she tried her best”

They parked the car across the street from a hotel, Sasuke followed Neji and Gaara was just a step behind him. They didn’t stop in the lobby to ask for the hotel room, Neji walked straight to the elevator and pressed the button for the 12th floor. They didn’t talk, the people that got into the elevator on the 4th floor kept staring at Sasuke but they didn’t say anything either. Finally, when they reached their destination, they marched down the corridor to room 127. The Hyuuga male sighed before softly knocking on the door.

“Hina..it’s me open up” when nothing happened he knocked again but no movements could be heard from the other side of the room. Being fed up with the wait he got his wallet out and took a key card and opened the door.

The room was dark but Sasuke recognized her scent, he noticed her clothes on the floor and finally his eyes rested on her sleeping form on the bed. He took a few steps forward and felt his mouth dry when he realized she was wearing one of his shirts and clenching another one in her hands.

He heard Neji sigh again and he whispered something to Gaara, the two made their way to the hallway but not before telling Sasuke to call for them if anything happened. He nodded without really registering what they were saying, nothing mattered but Hinata at that moment.

He walked up to the bed and sat next to her caressing her check and then her hair, she stirred in her sleep but didn’t wake up. The need to touch her was immense, it physically hurt him not to bend down and kiss every inch of her skin.

He didn’t stop caressing her face and hair for another 30 minutes until finally her eyes opened, she looked up at him and her smile was so wide he felt his heart bust. She was still sleepy and he wasn’t sure if she thought he was real or just a dream but when she sat up and hugged him, he didn’t stop her, nor did he stop her when she started kissing him or when she sat herself in his lap.

He knew they should talk but he missed her so fucking much his brain wasn’t working right. He forgot just how perfect she fit in his arms.

She was the one who stopped the kiss, her breath was shallow, and her eyes were dazed with lust. That look alone would have been enough to make him hard, but her weight on him and the feel of soft curves in his hands only made his pants feel even tighter.

Hinata looked at him for a moment before kissing her way from his jaw down his neck. Her hands wondered all over his chest and back, she started rocking her hips and he couldn’t help the deep throaty groan that escaped his lips. She seemed pleased with the effect she had over him and only started moving faster.

“Hinata…o fuck”

Hearing his voice everything in her stiffened. She stopped moving, stopped kissing and looked up at him like a deer caught in head lights. She was about to get up and flee but Sasuke reached back for her and pulled her into his lap and held her close.

“Y-you’re real” her voice was only a whisper. He wanted to kick himself for allowing things to go that far when she obviously thought she was dreaming. Her shoulders stared shaking and soft sobs filled the room.

“Shh, it’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine”

After a few minutes she stopped crying and moved her head to look up at him. “Why are you here?”

He only smiled at her and kissed her tears away. She didn’t push him away which was a good thing. “I asked for time, for space…” her voice was soft.

“I know, I’m sorry I thought I could give it to you, but…”

After looking at him once again she rested her head on his chest and finally returned his hug, her hands fisted the back of his shirt and her legs wrapped around his middle it felt like she was trying to bring herself closer to him, as close as it was physically possible.

“I’m sorry”

“It’s fine love” He said into her hair. He didn’t know why she apologized, but he didn’t care at that moment, all it mattered was that she was in his arms now. Her soft sobs broke his hear and he couldn’t help tightening his grip, bringing her as close as possible.

It took her a couple minutes to calm down, her face was on the crook of his neck, his hands buried into her hair, they were both breathing in the other, almost like their need of the other was what fueled their lives and the past weeks they’ve been working on empty tanks.

Hinata was the first to push away and look up at him, her hands were trembling as she reached out for his face. She cupped his cheeks and ran her thumbs under his eyes taking in the bags, Hinata leaned towards him and kissed his lips softly, just a few pecks nothing more.

“I’m so sorry baby” Her voice broke and he wished he knew what was wrong, so he could fix it.

“What’s wrong Hina? You have to tell me so I know how to fix it.”

Her eyes filled with tears and she kissed him once more “What if you can’t fix it? If we can’t fix it?” her voice was barely above a whisper.

She bit her lip and got off of him and walked to the far end of the room. Pacing back and forth, she did it a couple of times before suddenly stopping. “A few weeks ago, I thought I was pregnant”

Sasuke was stunned, her being pregnant never crossed his mind, but it would have been the best news ever, but the past tense filled him with anxiety.

“I didn’t want to tell you until I was certain. So, I took a few pregnancy tests 2 of them came off negative but one was positive so I was confused. I scheduled an appointment to check. I-I never had issues with my cycle or infections so I didn’t visit my gynecology doctor quite as often as it is recommended” She stopped pacing in front of him and took his hands into hers. “I told her I wanted a pregnancy test and when that came out negative, she suggested we do a few more tests and I said sure…” She was crying again. Sasuke freed his hands from hers and instead placed them on her waist and pulled her next to him. The silence overtook the room.

“I’m infertile” she finally confessed “the chances of me getting pregnant are very slow, I can’t give you the family you deserve. How could I do that to you? The day you asked me to marry you was the day I just got the results back” Sasuke silently cursed himself for not noticing the fact that she was upset, he had planned it and was so nervous about it, he did not pay attention to her.

“Hinata, it’s fine, everything is ok” He whispered against her hair and placed kissed on her temple. Of course, he wanted to have kids with her, and he would later mourn the loss of that idea but only after he was certain that she would be in his arms. “We’re already a family Hianta. we could also always adopt later on, but all I want now is you.”

Her eyes were watery and red, her expression was so broken. “You don’t hate me? You don’t think I’m broken?”

“I love you, you know that, there’s nothing that could change that, plus you’re not broken love. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you” Sasuke assured her. He couldn’t imagine how Hinata felt. “Let’s go home ok?” He asked to which Hinata only nodded. He picked her up and walked to the door, opened it and looked at Gaara and Neji who were on the hall away from the door; probably to give them privacy. Neji looked relieved to see them together while Gaara’s eyes fell to Hinata and his composure changed from his normal expressionless to sadness. Gaara walked in front of him and Neji was behind him. The walk from the lobby to the car was done in a rush just in case there were paparazzi around.

Neji started driving. “I’ll come back and pack all her things tomorrow” Sasuke nodded. They were together, that’s what mattered. Everything else would fall in place later.

@sasuhinamonth

#sasuhina #sasuhina month #sasuhina month 2020 #SHMONTH2020 #SH2020 #Sasuke #Hinata #Sasuke Uchiha #Hinata Hyuuga #Naruto #dia-story #diawrites

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ampleappleamble · 4 years

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reminder: yall on ao3 real nice, also i love you thank you so much

also i’m gonna go ahead and post chapter 5 here in its entirety too (under a cut, natch) just in case. meanwhile, i’m chopping and screwing screenshots into big huge frankenstein images so i can obsess over canon conversations and lore on the go! some of these screenshots are just pure comedy though. post ‘em later! anyway, here it is in case you missed it:

Chapter 5: Home and Hearth

---

Edér wondered sometimes just how long it would take his hometown to finally die.

It reminded him of this dog he used to know when he was a kid, a sweet old hound dog called Tibbeth. She was the Rask's dog, but the whole town knew her, cared for her, fed her scraps. Everyone loved that dog. By the time Edér was old enough to make lasting memories, she was reaching the end of her breeding years, and she only mellowed out further with each year that passed. He remembered her fondly from his childhood: Tibby making him late for dawn church service because she sat on his feet and wouldn't stop giving him Sad Eyes till he rubbed her tummy. Tibby wandering between two arguing friends and licking herself so ostentatiously that the argument was completely forgotten, ending in peals of laughter instead of fisticuffs.

But as he grew into an adolescent, Tibby grew elderly and decrepit. Her teeth and fur fell out. She limped. Her scat was watery and thin, and she tended to let it fall wherever she stood. Her belly distended, and she started getting mean and lashing out at those who tried to touch her, tried to help her.

He had known there was something growing inside of her that was hurting her, and what was worse, he had known that there was nothing anyone could do to help her. But to Edér, the worst thought of all was that she was still in there under it all. Under all the pain and fear, sweet old Tibby was still in there wanting nothing but belly rubs and bits of ham from your plate. It was the sickness made her snap at you, made her shit all over herself and struggle and scream while you tried to clean her up. Made her scared.

And it was this sickness that made his hometown like this, now. And just like with Tibby, there was nothing he could do to help. No way to excise the tumor. His gaze wandered to the corpse-strewn monster of a tree nearby. Nothing left to do but end it mercifully.

But he hadn't even had it in him to watch as Tibby was put down all those years ago. She had scratched and bitten the Gyrning's baby girl, and even though she was old and half toothless, she did enough damage to scar the child for life. He had run away back then, hiding the tears he had been getting too old to shed so freely anymore.

He sighed heavily, barely squinting against the feeble morning sunlight as he gazed out over the only home he had ever known.

"We're both gettin' too old for this, ain't we?" Edér murmured.

Gilded Vale did not answer him.

The hairs on the back of his neck suddenly stood on end, and he turned slowly, carefully, to look at the tree again. He wasn't alone.

---

The rest of the morning hadn't gone so badly.

She'd suffered a nightmare, she'd explained, and the strange hallucinations she'd told him about before had decided to manifest at the worst possible time: exactly when she had woken up. Hence the... episode she'd had. Understandable, given the circumstances.

Unfortunately, she did still want to go back to that tree. "For closure," she'd pleaded. "It'll only take a moment, I promise you."

They had dressed and packed their meager belongings in awkward silence, making it all the way downstairs to a table with their bowls of tepid porridge in hand before she had spoken up again.

"I'm sorry," she'd stated, stirring the beige mess in her bowl with all the enthusiasm of a prisoner fastening her own noose. "That was probably a... distinctly unpleasant experience for you. And this little detour probably will be, too. ...Please know that I truly appreciate your agreeing to accompany me nonetheless."

She sounded as though she'd been planning this apology all morning, phrasing and rephrasing it in her head until she could strike a palatable balance between being honest with him and maintaining etiquette. Aloth had accepted without hesitation, of course. He had almost apologized to her himself in return, for perhaps having seen... more than she may have wanted a near-stranger to see, but he had thought better of it and remained silent instead. He hadn't wanted to embarrass her by bringing up her strange behavior again. She seemed to appreciate it.

And now he was standing a few paces behind her in the center of town as she stared at a dead woman in a tree.

They had been standing there for fifteen minutes.

"She's aff 'er heed, lad."

"Nobody asked you," he sighed through gritted teeth.

---

Axa regarded the new, dark world in which she found herself with fear and wonder. She had expected to see the dead woman, feel a little foolish, and then set off on the road. She had not been expecting this at all.

Caldara de Berranzi's soul looked back at her, smiling a gentle, motherly smile.

"What is this?" She said it, but she didn't, just like in her dream. "What's happened to me?"

And the animancer responded in the same fashion. "Poor thing! You must be so confused. The world is a baffling place, and the world beyond the Shroud even more so. But that world is yours now, too, to bear witness to."

"I don't understand," Axa whimpered. She really, really didn't. She didn't even know if this was really happening.

The dwarven woman's soul smiled sadly at the little orlan, tsked in sympathy. "I know you don't, dear. It's a lot to take in. Here, let me put it this way: Whatever happened to you, it freed your soul from your body, but not all the way. You were pulled into this world--" The dwarf gestured at the swirling morass of essence and void around them-- "the In-Between of Life and Death. But! You must have only been here for an instant. Any longer, and you'd have ended up staying here, like me." Caldara gestured at herself, a bloated corpse dangling from a tree, with a sweet little chuckle.

"Your soul remembers, though. Remembers even after it returns to your body. Remembers how it sees in this world. Souls, their histories, their memories, their paths through the In-Between. All are yours to observe." The animancer nodded sagely.

"You are a Watcher, now," she chirped, "and a Watcher you will stay."

Axa blinked. Watcher. The word from her dream.

"I... I don't know what that means at all."

Caladara sighed softly. "Oh dear, oh dear. Make yourself comfortable, aimoranet. We have a lot more talking to do."

---

Aloth was starting to feel uneasy.

It had been just over 20 minutes now, and Axa still stood in the same spot, mesmerized by the dead animancer. They were drawing curious stares from townsfolk as they passed by, and he was getting nervous about what might happen-- what might come out of his mouth-- should one of them try to start something.

He glanced around furtively, his open grimoire like a leaden weight in his hands, searching for anything to focus on besides the fact that he'd apparently elected to travel with this woman. A blond man with a pipe, leaning casually against a collapsed wall some distance away, cocked an eyebrow at him. The message was completely unspoken, but easily understood. "Uh, your friend okay there?"

He shot back a look that he hoped said both "Mind your own business, please" and "I have absolutely no idea why she's doing this," somehow.

The man with the pipe shrugged, glanced up at the dead dwarf, then turned away. Aloth took the opportunity to study him a bit further, recognizing him vaguely from his time in town. He'd seen this man around, although not as much in recent weeks. He was vaguely aware of the Vale's day-to-day goings-on, and he seemed to recall seeing less of this particular face around the same time the local lord strung up his latest hapless victim in this gruesome abomination of a tree. Aloth tried to remember exactly who that victim had been...

...before noticing, with a start, that Axa had moved. She'd snapped out of whatever strange fugue state had taken hold of her and she stood before him now, looking for all the world like a child woken prematurely from a nap: confused, angry, morose.

He proceeded extremely cautiously. "Axa? Are you alright?" He leaned a bit closer for privacy's sake. "You seemed... a bit lost, there." For almost half an hour.

Either she didn't notice his attempt at discretion or she didn't care. "According to that dead woman," she blurted, "I'm a Watcher."

He felt his eyebrows leap up to his hairline. "Oh. Well. That... explains a lot, actually."

---

Edér had watched the elf and the orlan the entire time they stood before the tree.

The elf he'd seen around town here and there recently, but he'd never interacted with the man. Of course, he'd heard others talking about him, saying all kinds of things: a haughty foreigner who thinks he can bring his high-falutin' Aedyran ass here and piss on our hospitality. But given the usual kind of horseshit his fellow townsfolk usually spewed these days, he didn't put much merit in what they had to say. At least he tended to mind his own business.

The orlan had just arrived the previous day, and when he saw Raedric's henchman approach her, he'd actually tensed up, preparing for a fight. With everything he'd heard about orlans, he was half expecting her to pull a knife, or maybe even whisper some sort of cipher magic. But instead she'd just shouted at Urgeat, mad as Hel and rightfully so. Edér had been unable to stop himself smiling at the look on the magistrate's pinched-up little asshole of a face.

Then the bell had tolled, and suddenly everyone in town had bigger issues to deal with. She'd looked positively miserable as she'd trudged past him on the way to the Black Hound Inn.

Look at that, he'd thought, watching her plod slowly forward. Practically one of us already.

She'd met his eye for a moment, and he'd raised his pipe to her in a commiserative gesture. "Welcome to our lovely town," he'd quipped. And she had smiled at him in response, even after all that abuse she'd just had to take from Urgeat.

Maybe that was why he'd decided to say something when she passed him again. She didn't look to be in any higher spirits than she had when he'd said something before, but she had smiled at him back then, so what was the worst that could happen this time?

"Seventeen-and-a-half," he called out to her, and grinned. She's a little kith, maybe she'll like this one.

She and the elf turned to him, both of them wearing facial expressions similar to ones they might have had he catcalled them in an especially vulgar manner.

...Off to a great start, Edér thought. Nothing to do but press on.

"Eighteen dependin' on if you count the dwarf woman as a full person or not. ...I think you oughtta."

She approached him then, slowly, scrutinizing him with her eerie slitted pupils, while the elven man followed behind her. "You're saying there are eighteen people hanging in that tree?"

"Last I counted. You mean to tell me you were standin' there that whole time and you wasn't even counting 'em?"

Her cheeks brightened, and she turned to the elf. "Aloth? How long was I-- were we standing there like that?"

The elf, Aloth apparently, winced apologetically at the little woman. "Oh, only about... about twenty minutes. Ish."

The orlan huffed out something between a laugh and a cough. "Only twenty minutes!" She shook her head, grinning, hands on her hips. "Excellent. I was worried I looked like a weird asshole for a minute there."

Edér laughed aloud at last, and held out his hand in greeting. "Edér Teylecg. Although y' may as well just call me Nineteen."

"Axa Mala." He felt soft, fine fur in his hand when she shook it, and with it an extremely confusing mix of emotions. The elf behind her introduced himself as well, as Aloth Corfiser, before she continued. "Nineteen, huh. You mean to say you think you're next?"

Edér smiled sadly, looking up at his friends and neighbors in the tree. "May as well be. Eighteen's my former captain in the war. Was my headman on the farm till Raedric put 'im up there for darin' to stand up for us. For me." He squinted back down at the little woman, clenching his pipe between his teeth. "Bein' honest though, way you were carryin' on with the magistrate the other day, I can't see you makin' it much further than, oh, 22, 23, tops. You seem like the sort of lady likes t' get involved."

She really did, too. For the first time since they'd started talking, her gaze met his, and the intensity of her bright violet eyes almost made him want to look away. Not quite. But almost.

She had a strange, guarded look on her face as she peered up at him. "Do you know what a Watcher is?"

Edér choked on his pipe smoke. This little gal was full of surprises.

---

"Caed Nua, huh? ...Haven't thought about that old place in a long time. Man such as Maerwald, there might be things I wanna ask him. Don't know why I never thought of that."

Obscured One, you have truly outdone yourself this time, Axa mused, a slow smile spreading across her face. This was what she'd been missing after her expulsion: A mission, a purpose, a destination in life.

I was ready to die, and you gave me this gift: an absolutely insane convoluted nightmare scenario, compelling me to try to make sense of it... and in doing so, requiring me to stay alive. I am truly grateful. She closed one eye, sending her prayer to Wael.

It was remarkable how much better she felt just knowing what was wrong with her, having a name for it. Watcher. The knowledge presented new challenges, certainly, but at least now she knew what she was up against. And she even had a tangible, short-term goal in mind:

Get to Caed Nua. Find the Watcher, Maerwald.

The blond folk, Edér, scratched his bristly beard while he thought about her offer. But she could tell he'd already made up his mind. This couldn't go any other way. She'd seen him in her dream, alongside Caldara. A clear sign! This was meant to be!

...Okay, maybe she was taking it a bit too far there.

"I dunno about settin' out with a couple of strangers. Strange strangers at that." He glanced at Aloth and grinned apologetically. "No offense, cousin."

"I'll vouch for him," Axa smiled, stretching, preparing for the work ahead of her. "It's me you have to watch out for."

Aloth shrugged. "Either way, you're probably better off out there with us than here, being sized up for a noose by every other neighbor."

"Can't argue with that. Aw, what the Hel. Sure, I'll do some sightseeing with you folks." Edér grinned at the two of them, his broad, ruddy face brightening considerably. "Where's our first stop on this little roadtrip? We're buyin' supplies, I suppose?"

Axa winced, clutching at her sad, barren little coinpurse. "Uh. Listen... About that--"

---

#pillars of eternity #fanfiction #fanfic #poe anthem infinitum #watcher #watcher axa #aloth #eder

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boat-dock · 4 years

Text

“Knowing You is for the Better” chapter 14

Long time no update... sorry guys. this was surprisingly hard for me write and I’m still not completely happy with how this turned out but I hope yall enjoy!

Today’s the day. Hope had spent two weeks dealing with an anxious Raf, a worried Landon, and her budding relationship all while trying to do school work and keep the school safe. To say she was overwhelmed and exhausted was an understatement, but today finally arrived. Visiting day.

Keelin, Freya, and Nik should arrive within the hour and everything has already gone to shit. To be fair it started yesterday when the twins got sick. Josie swears that she’s not actually sick, that Lizzie’s sick and she just feels the symptoms because of twin magic, whether that’s true or not they have both have been shut up in their room to recuperate since yesterday morning. Hope stopped by and brought them breakfast first thing this morning and Josie is very adamant that she will still be able to join her for family dinner tonight.

Rafael’s father, Walt, decided to surprise his son and come to family day so they could spend time together, so now they had another player in this already confusing game. Landon, on the other hand, was convinced that he was going to lose the only family that he has but instead of talking to his brother about this he kept it all bottled up so he always looked like he was going to vomit.

Hope liked to think that she was good in high-pressure situations, she literally fought monsters for a living, but something about this situation was just too much for her.

She was waiting in her room, absentmindedly tidying, but with her supernatural hearing, she could here Raf pacing around downstairs. She made her way to her mini-fridge and pulled out a blood bag, she’d skipped her dinner last night and now she was hungrier than she was comfortable being in a school filled with potential food.

Her ears and nose prick up as she senses her family arrives downstairs, her instincts say to rush down, but she wants to give Keelin and Raf a chance to get to know each other without her around, so instead she walked at a forced slow pace out of her room and downstairs.

The school was filled with strangers. Parents, siblings, and grandparents roamed the halls, those who were aware of who she is, eyed her warily as she walked among them, she wanted to shy away but her pride kept her head held high and a classic smirk on her face.

She rounded a corner and found her family standing in the halfway mingling politely with Raf and his father. Hope paused, still unseen so she could watch them. Keelin was smiling brightly, her hands moving as she talked and Freya stood slightly behind her with Nik asleep in her arms. It was still early and they had been driving through the night so she isn’t surprised that the young boy is still asleep, though she is sad that he isn’t awake to greet her.

Slowly she moves forward, hoping to seamlessly appear without drawing any attention or interrupting them, but of course, things never go quite as she plans. Landon spots her over Keelin’s shoulder and smiles while motioning her forward. Heat flares on her cheeks as eyes flick to her and she slumps as she makes her way to them. Freya quickly gives her a tight awkward hug as they work not to disturb Nik and Keelin presses a kiss to her cheek. “Hello, young lady,” Hope recognizes the man who speaks vaguely, she’d seen him briefly when he dropped Raf off at the school months and months ago, but she’d never been introduced to him, “ Who are you?” there’s a charm to him that she can’t deny.

“I’m Hope, sir,” she answers, politely, with a small practiced smile.

Freya cuts in,” this is my niece, Walt, she goes to school here too,” he grins and shakes her hand firmly. Raf visibly tenses next to her. This is what she’d wanted to avoid, she feared that her presence would make this entire situation much more awkward. People were beginning to swarm around them, Kaleb and his sister were nearby but Kim seemed more interested in Mg than him.

They stood there making polite tense conversation as long as Hope could stand it before she tried to excuse herself. Her family, however, was having none of it, “ What about Josie, where’s she?” Keelin asked shooting her an embarrassing look. Hope’s cheeks flamed as she did her best to explain the whole magic twin sickness situation.

Freya scrunched her eyebrows, “ well that’s a shame,” Nik shuffled in her arms but remained asleep, “ maybe she’ll feel better later and can join us for supper.”

“Hopefully,” she answered, then turned to make her leave.

A loud clash rings through the hallway and Hope snaps her attention toward the noise. Across the hall, a man had shattered a glass case holding their many second-place trophies and he sliced his palm open on the jagged piece. The smell of blood filled the air and Hope goes light-headed for a second. She was still drinking human blood unlike the rest of the students here but still the smell of blood so fresh hit her hard. All the other vampires around felt it too.

As her eyes went dark and veins snaked down her face, Freya gripped her arm with a vice-like grip. Blood roared in her ears as she yanked away her eyes flashing dangerously golden.

She snapped back into herself, fighting back the bloodlust like she’d been trained to do by the many vampires in her family with their many years of experience. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, backing away. Across the room, Kaleb was holding Mg back and forcing him to get under control. Many of the students were experiencing similar things but none of this seemed to be completely losing control. The man was ushered away before anyone even had a chance to question how or why he broke the glass.

When she turns her attention back to her family she is met by worried eyes, “ How long has it been since you’ve eaten?” Freya questioned clearly distressed by how easy her niece lost control. Her mind flashes back to the discarded blood bag in her room that she abandoned this morning so she could handle drama.

Before she could answer Keelin cut in,” How long has it been since you’ve shifted?” both of her aunts were worried for her for completely different reasons. But she couldn’t blame them, she hadn’t been taking good care of herself recently, choosing o focus on others instead.

Hope took a deep steadying breath, “ I’m sorry,” her words were slow and calculated,” I’ll go upstairs now and eat and I’ll go for a run tonight I promise.” she must have spoken louder than she intended while trying to escape the spotlight because she is overheard by Kaleb and Mg.

“Upstairs?” Kaleb called in a joking manner, “ why would you go upstairs when all the blood bags are in the kitchen?” the comment was innocent but it was exactly the kind of thing that nobody needed to notice. Dr. Saltzman was aware that Hope was drinking human blood, but honestly, he couldn’t do anything to stop it, her family was insistent that she needs to be at full strength at all times. No bunny blood for her. Her normally skilled facial expressions must have faltered because Kaleb’s face changed as he realized that his comment had actually uncovered something.

Mg’s eyes narrowed at her and she sucked in air through her nose. “Why do you have blood in your room Hope?” he asked much more serious, borderline accusatory. Her walls flew up and she prepared to defend herself.

“Oh my god, your drinking human blood aren’t you?” Kaleb said his voice in a low whisper. His temper flared as he recalled what he was put through after he had been caught doing the exact same thing. When she didn’t answer he took it as confirmation and his eyes nearly rolled back into his head as he spoke,” Of course you are, why would the great Hope Mikaelson have to follow the same rules that the rest of us do.”

It was a fair jab. To an outsider, it would seem like she was allowed to do anything she wanted with little fear of punishment. She was going to try and salvage this situation but Freya spoke up before she could,” My niece does not need to explain herself to you,” she said with the calmness of someone who knew that she was one of the most powerful beings in the room.

Mg scoffs loudly, “ Not surprised,”

Hope’s lack of food and shifting was affecting her and her temper was running thin. Her hands twitched at her side as she struggled to keep herself under control. “Of course I have to follow rules here,” she nearly growls,” they just aren’t the same rules you have to follow.” her own privilege in the eyes of the other students was not lost on her but there was very little she could do about it.

“Like what?” Kaleb said smugly, arms crossed in front of him in a way that infuriated her.

Her mind was spinning as she spilled all the things she was never supposed to tell the other students, “ Oh I don’t maybe me having to live here under a fake name for most of my life, or maybe its the fact that for me to even attend this school my mother had to make a deal with the mayor saying that seventy-five percent of my family couldn’t set foot in the town.” she rambled.

“And you’ve been so good at following that rule,” Kaleb shot back motioning to Freya. It’s true that all of Hope’s remaining family had been on campus recently but that didn’t stop her vision from turning red.

“We decided that rule was stupid because the mayor shot me,” she screamed,” he murdered me, right there in those wood, in case you’ve forgotten.” her words sank like stones as the lights flicker above her. Whether it was her magic or Freya’s she was wasn’t sure. The two vampires stepped back, put off by her fury and lack of control that was so unlike the Hope they knew.

“What?” Freya growled, she seemed calm except for her stormy eyes. Keelin stepped in and removed a still sleeping Nik from her wife’s arms, she recognized how quickly this situation had gotten out of hand and she knew how Freya was going to react.

The secret Hope had worked so hard to keep was now out in the open and if she didn’t rectify it quickly her entire family would soon know and the streets of Mystic Falls would run red. “Freya I can explain,” she spoke trying to regain some kind of control.

“Mathew Donovan shot you,” she stated plainly but the lights once again started to flicker. Hope knew what was going to come next. The mayor would suffer some kind of painful death that would get covered up as an animal attack or something else equally ridiculous, but no one would be able to do anything about it.

“What’s going on?” Raf mumbled behind them as Walt glanced around warily. This was not how this meeting was supposed to go. If she could get Freya alone she could try and calm her Keelin would still have time to get to know Rafael and his family.

Nik lifted his head groggily and mumbled something Hope couldn’t quite make out, but Keelin shushed him and he fell back to sleep with ease. “Please calm down aunt Freya,” Hope pleaded,” he doesn’t deserve to die for this.”

“Oh but my darling he does,” Freya responded. Hope might not want any more death but her family was dead set on eliminating anyone who posed a threat to her and now Matthew Donovan fits straight into that category. “And he will.” Hope was now used to hearing her family speak of death and killing as nonchalantly as they do but the other people here were clearly unnerved by this.

“Alright let’s take it down a notch,” Keelin interjected, placing a hand on the back of Nik’s head,” I shouldn’t need to remind you that we have small ears here.” Nik, of course, was her way out of this.

Hope stepped quickly and took Nik into her arms, reveling in the way his little arms wrapped around her neck. “Freya let’s go upstairs and put Nik to bed and then we will take a walk and talk about this calmly and like adults.” she seemed calmer now that her attention was on her son, but Hope doubted it would be that easy.

They left the stunned group and walked silently up the stairs. As much as Hope tried to block out all the sounds around her, her supernatural hearing didn’t have an on and off switch. As they walked away her ears lingered on the conversation below between Keelin and Raf. “Do you think Hope should have special treatment?” Rafael asks.

Keelin hesitated before answering,” I think that Hope’s enemies have infiltrated this school to hurt her before and that she always needs to be at her full strength to protect herself.” Raf didn’t respond.

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shattered-catalyst · 5 years

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So this isnt for anything other than just to say what happened just so I feel heard and I can explain why I cant be as energetic and socially active on here. Its not a callout post or to be reblogged/shared by people. Its not to get anyone in trouble or to cause any reaction. It’s just for me to let it out and reclaim this space again. Its been a year since it happened and I guess I’m just still noticing how badly it has impacted my PTSD. How much its changed me as a person both online and off, and this isnt a woe as me thing either this is just me feeling a need to be heard and explain my own behavior over the year and also to make one simple request of you guys: no matter what you do, always treat your rp partners as people first and writers second.

Because I feel myself becoming bitter and that isnt who I am and I dont want to be someone like that. Or like this. I want to be me again

The person who did this wont be named mainly because they dont deserve it and yall dont need to know. Their behavior when I confronted them more than cements the impression that they dont see any harm in what they said and how they reacted. And again this isnt about them though In A Way I suppose it is? it takes two to tango but it takes one to encourage someone to kill themselves.

This is going to be long because I need to inform on the activity that lead up to this because it didnt just happen over night- though in a way it did. But you need a better picture of this person because apparently they present a really great face that only a few of us see the manipulative and toxic side of.

This person was always very judgemental and hyper critical. I witnessed a lot of very negative and toxic behavior from them but I was naive and just hoped they would mature as they grew older and gained more independence. I thought it was just a toxic friend group and that perhaps she would recognize her self destructive and immature behavior and grow from it.

My first red flag should have been when they accused me of being their ex girlfriend SOLELY because I was living in PA. I hate to break it to yall, but PA is a big ass state and has a lot of comic book loving ladies. Thankfully I have never met this person IRL and I hope I never do.

They tried to pull me into making fun of other muns on discord, including mocking sensitive pictures from a mun’s personal blog. I blatantly said it wasnt okay and made me uncomfortable and she continued laughing and making jokes about it with her friend group on discord. She kept trying to pull me into it no matter how often I tried to change the subject.

Her group of friends also did this thing where one of them would go interact with a mun an they would take screenshots of the convo and share it with the group and mock the mun they were interacting with. Whether it be their presentation of character/grahics/writing style/ etc.

The other red flags I ignored? How much she complained and mocked other muns and compared them to me; if anyone did anything or said anything she disagreed with it was an instant blow up. She took EVERYTHING personally including other people writing the same characters she did, having differing headcanons, not knowng obscure details about canon, etc.

She once tried to make fun of a new writing partner I had who was writing the same character, and I had to break it to her that this new person could write in her first language if she wanted to; im being very vague but let me just say if you and your character have the same first language and you want to write in it then its completely WRONG for a white mun to try and make fun of you for it.

She once suggested I had stolen pictures off her pinterest when she sent me a moodboard request for my character. Jokes on her I didnt even know she HAD a pinterest and I had gotten all my pictures from the ‘green aesthetic’ tag on tumblr. Which I told her but she kept pushing the idea on me I had stolen them. I of course dismissed this and put it on the back burner despite the alarm bells going off.

This hyper critical and paranoid behavior continues with everything from other canon blogs making similar head canons/ vaguely similar graphics/ to fanfiction authors having similar head canons/plot ideas.

My penname Citrus? I didnt want one. I didnt want it. She demanded I have a pen name and if not she was going to call me Cat. Now as yall know I dont like being enmeshed with my muse so I keep myself separate from them. I didnt like being called Cat and I told her that explicitly. She kept doing it. So I had to make a pen name because she refused to respect my boundaries.

When the Deadpool movie came out she DEMANDED I change my FC to reflect the movie Despite Not Changing Hers to reflect her own characters new look - which might i add is fat erasure. It was clear then that the rules and standards she held other people to didnt apply to herself. I was labeled problematic for not giving into her demands to change FCs (which I have a literal logical reason for not changing and im not explaining that here)

So I shouldve left. Long story short I didnt because every friendship I’d been in until around this time had been abusive and toxic. I thought this was all normal behavior for people to have and I was convinced I was just being critical of someone elses opinions/ insensitive etc. Thanks to my colleagues in graduate school and to several of you on here I learned that ‘hey dumbass friends dont treat your ass like this’.

Im leaving a lot out about the shit she did/said to me but those snippets give you an idea of things.

Leading up she decided to leave fandom and asked we didnt talk about marvel I said cool okay and didnt talk about marvel with her. If I did I would ask first if she was okay if we talked about one small aspect I thought might excite her/ she would like to know about but it wasnt often that happened because she began ghosting me. Hard. She stopped replying to me at all over discord when I would try and talk to her how we used to about our lives. She didnt answer any asks for munday or character development, in fact she blatantly ignored me.

I checked in a couple times with her to make sure I hadnt done anything to make her uncomfortable and she said no. May I emphasize she said no here. Im emphasizing it right now. She said no. She said everything was fine. So when I was like hey dude this is super triggering for me can you send me like a hi every once in awhile just so I can know we’re okay because its super triggering for me. Yall know what she did? She ‘lmao’-ed. she thought that was hecka funny. Yeah triggering ‘Citrus’ is hilarious isnt it? No it isnt and I shouldve cut her ass off right then and there.

Heres where shit gets confusing: she kept fucking talking about marvel to me. Id get messages at random times about marvel and then silence for weeks. I vividly remember during this period I was cleaning the museum vault and she kept messaging me about her marvel fc’s and how she wouldnt get a plotline and how characters were wrong etc.

I remember being REALLY confused because she had said NO MARVEL. But here she was bitching at me about marvel. In fact thats all she did when she did talk to me. Which was only like three or four times during the ghosting time period. She’d bitch about marvel and then vanish.

Shed make claims about not watching her dash and thats why she never responded to me/ interacted with me. She’d say she wasnt talkng to anyone while I see her on the dash TALKING TO PEOPLE and Id like to point out Ive told her I would be fine ending anything as long as she let me know.

but she followed me on every blog and throughout this time period she made and followed me on numerous ones. She kept reaching out sporadically to bitch about her fcs/how horrible marvel was/ and thats it.

It was extremely confusing because if someone doesnt want to talk to me I assume they will; 1. unfollow 2. block 3. say goodbye 4. ghost and stay ghosted.

Not cycle through behavior rapidly. I asked her a few times if we were good and that I was confused and I got another ‘lmao’ reaction so I assumed we were good. At this point I still have no idea what was going on/ what message I was supposed to be receiving other than confusion.

So following this is heavily suicide tw and I encourage you not to read this part and to scroll down until the suicide tw is over which is highlighted in bold- if you’re triggered by that because I care about those who follow my blog.

So thats when this shit happened. I had tried reaching out to her on a different fandom platform to try and maintain the friendship. Because she said numerous times that we were friends. So like I reached out thinking maybe she just didnt want a marvel blog period. It wasnt too long after that that she suicide baited me.

I was in a really bad place and had been for awhile and when I posted about how the only thing holding me on was the new comic coming out and specifically said “im seriously suicidal and this comic is the only thing giving me hope #idk what to do anymore ”. I was surprised when she liked the post.

I was three steps into a four step plan. I had everything but the method planned out and was just waffling along with that. Because yknow its complicated and you do it you make it count amiright. Right. I was in a fucked up place. I had just realized I was gay, I was horrendously depressed, I was in considerable physical pain, I was working 70 hours a week, my OCD was at an all time high and the only thing that kept me on this earth was a fucking comic book. You hold onto what you need to yknow?

WELL APPARENTLY NOT

Because this person who doesnt read her dash? This person who doesnt want to talk about anything? Liked that post where I specifically stated I was suicidal and sent me a discord message saying “dont have hope”.

Thats all it said “dont have hope”

Now I know what youre thinking but hold on because it gets worse.

I said something about being confused I dont really remember because I was pretty out of it. I do remember she kept going on about how horrible the comic would be and that it would be a piece of trash. I remember telling her I was really numb and in a bad place and couldnt feel anything. I remember her sending me screencaps and continuing to go ON AND ON about how it wasn’t worth reading.

I remember with gross intensity how someone who said they were my friend was taking away the only thing that was keeping me alive.

I dont remember how the conversation ends. I called out of work for the next three days. I was catatonically depressed and unable to really move. I didnt eat either. I went to internship, work, and school in a state of dissociation.

I took screencaps of everything and set them aside for later. IDK what I was going to use them for but I set them in a folder on my desktop, looking back I regret what I did next; because I deleted them. I deleted them because I thought maybe she had been manic or drunk and hadn’t realized the scope of what was happening. I wanted to talk to her about it and clear things up because I believed in her. I believed there was no way she would be so callous as to do that on purpose. No way would someone try and get someone they called a friend to kill themselves. So I deleted the screencaps and my post on tumblr. I deleted all evidence to protect her and I encourage you all never to fucking do that even if you think that person misunderstood the gravity of your situation. Because if you’re wrong no ones going to believe you.

I remember shifting between intense depression and total denial.

I spent the rest of that month in and out of intense dissociative states when I wasnt in class or working with my clients. During the middle of October my sister sent me pictures of a litter of puppies and I was like ‘well, i really need to either kill myself or make sure i dont’. I spent a few days continuing to waffle with that decision but then i remembered my mom cosigned my loans and I cant leave her with that debt because fuck we cant even afford my funeral to begin with. So I adopted a dog, I named him Julio to remind me to keep living and he finally came to me on halloween.

He was the only reason I left bed on my days off. I tried not to think about it but I did.

I continued to spiral with heavier dissociative episodes and vivid nightmares about it.

SUICIDE TW OVER

I waited until Christmas to ask her to clarify the situation and let her know I no longer felt comfortable writing with her. I reminded her what happened and told her to check her discord if she wanted to see for herself etc.

She sent two long asks of combative, emotionally abusive, and gaslighting accusations. The first thing she did was say I needed to provide evidence if I went around making accusations like that. Then she cascaded into how I always talked about marvel *points up to where i explained what happened earlier*. She tried gaslighting me like a champion and tried turning me into a horrible person the only problem is everything she was accusing me of doing was the shit she was doing to me. Everything.

Even if I was bad at any time I had given her numerous chances to tell me I was overstepping a boundary- she always said no. I gave her numerous times to unfollow me if she wasnt interested in interacting with me- she never did. In fact I had unfollowed her that month because of her behavior towards me and she hadnt even noticed.

I let her know I could tell she was angry, and that I didnt take receipts of private conversations because I believed in settling things like adults, and that if she ever wanted any proof it was all in her discord anyway. I let her know she could contact me to apologize but otherwise I didnt want her on any of my blogs and I told her the first thing she should have done wasnt demand receipts but she should have asked if I was okay. Its a real reflection of where her priorities were when she demands evidence rather than checks to see if a writing partner is okay.

Even if I did something horrible it doesnt warrant someone trying to get me to end my life.

I was notified she put a post on her blog apologizing to her followers for being a bad friend and that she was a horrible person and ofc everyone was like ‘noooo youre perfect’ and its like ya thats not for me who hasnt followed her in months- thats to save face.

Her friends blogs kept visiting my profile and going through the month where this happened.

Everything she did and said was to save face. Her blog and her reputation are the only thing she cared about. She has never approached me to apologize or anything of the sort and I doubt she ever will. I would hope she would never do this again and I hope she has grown as a person since. That her life is better and her mother is okay, that shes happy and learning.

I know by posting this I will never receive an apology- then again i never expected one to begin with. I could go through all the trouble of restoring the deleted files but to be honest it isnt worth it because theres no room in my life for that type of toxicity.

Since this happened I:

I have stronger episodes of depression and dissociation since.

My PTSD has increased and I have week long spikes in anxiety attacks, depression and decreased self worth if I even see her around the rpc despite being blocked, blacklisted on xkit etc.

Have more difficulty completing basic self care tasks due to an increase in depression and a decrease in self worth.

I have nightmares about this event and her to this day a year later.

I cannot interact with the RPC how I once did as I fear seeing her on my dash or any sort of information getting back to her about me.

It took me half a year to see the character she wrote as as safe again and for awhile I couldnt even look at him without experiencing an anxiety attack.

I keep having nightmares. Its been a year and I still have nightmares about this.

I find myself having more difficulties connecting with people online especially on this blog. I’m constantly on edge when interacting with people and I feel spikes of anxiety at the merest thought of someone talking about me to her.

I find myself unable to have confidence as a writer or creator online because I have been reminder of the cement wall between oc characters and their canon counterparts.

I cannot go out and just follow anyone and be friendly and trusting with them anymore, even with people I already know. In the back of my mind is a constant reminder of how she and her friends used to check up on people and pretend to write with them/ interact with them just to take screenshots of conversations to share with the group. I have become a paranoid little bitch in the past year is what Im saying. like theres 0 need for that shit.

I blocked most of the people she interacted with simply to save myself from being triggered by her blogs/ mentions of her and that isnt fair to those people.

I remember the photo incident and how people derived such joy from mocking someones body. I can think of so many incidents of them making fun of others and I remember how that could be happening about me rn, and I wonder if anyone would stick up for me like I did for the other mun.

I hope by posting this I can try and return to the person I was before this happened. I can try and not be so bitter and reach out again to others. That somehow I can continue working on making tumblr a safe place for me again and not a PTSD laced minefield.

I would like to remind this isnt a callout and I request if you know who this is about you dont say anything to them. This isnt for them. They have NEVER reached out to apologize for their actions. They have NEVER checked to see if I was okay after that. They have NEVER shown any remorse for encouraging me to kill myself and while I hope they’ve grown from the situation and will never do it again I doubt I will ever get closure from such an event. But i DO hope by writing this I can take this place back.

Consider this my first step towards bringing this up to a therapist.

Consider this another step to me taking this blog back and feeling safer here; and maybe just maybe Ill make up a cool pen name for myself and own that shit.

If you’ve read this far thank you for your patience with me, and I request you always treat your writing partners like the people that they are.

This post is not intended or written to leave this blog and therefore I request you not reblog it or share segments of it with ANYONE. If I find you have shared anything on here without my explicit permission I will block you.

‘Citrus’

#suicide tw #gaslighting tw #emotional abuse tw

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kidblink-182 · 6 years

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the lightning thief tour

i saw the lightning thief last night and hOLY SHIT! JUST HOLY SHIT! click the read more for my notes n stagedoor experience n shit. obvi SPOILERS

ACT ONE

-so the show starts off with a quite literal BANG i’m talking bright white light and thunder noises so chirren b careful if you go to see it -i almost screamed when james went onstage and THATS when i knew this was real -hooray for grungy dancing our parents suck -they tore down the lightning bolt curtains and chris slid out and i lost my mind -“their father kronos-” “KRONOOOOOSSSSSS” -“please see me by the sphynx” (glass display turns around from pyramid to sphynx) -“i was on this field trip, and the x-rated art they had there? crazy.” -percy is literally so flamboyant and so sarcastic i was cracking up the whole two hours -james as gabe oh so help me gods -he sounded so desperate/afraid the whole time -“BEAN. DIP.” on the literal verge of tears -i loved sally so much. she can riff like it’s nobody’s business, and i can never get enough of it. i love carrie but jalynn... oh, jalynn. -“oh look. a goat in a trash can.” -classic “you’re a furry” joke. classic 10/10 -“i’m half goat!” “i’m sorry, this is just a lot to take in right now, okay?” -they did sally’s “death” in slow motion, which made it even more hard to watch. -also BIG FUCKING SEIZURE WARNING FOR THE MINOTAUR SCENE THAT SHIT IS INTENSE -i.... don’t know how to feel about poseidon. ryan literally goes to the bottom of his vocal range for poseidon and it’s the funniest shit (my mom loved it), and he’s like... he’s like a demon surfer. lowkey like jonathan raviv’s poseidon a lil better but ryan? oh gods he’s incredible. he’s the only man who can pull off hawaiian shirts. -annabeth comes in one of those wheel cart things you use to haul heavy shit -“another terrible day” in E minor? oddly needed and very refreshing. -chiron’s “reveal” scene was... interesting to say the least. -their sign :( my fave song of the show. so emotional. chiron puts his hand on percy’s shoulder at one point, percy shows so much emotion, and ryan can sing like an ANGEL i love his vibrato -when luke came on stage i literally whooped so loudly -oh gods there was this one scene luke: welcome to the dysfunctional family! oh, there’s someone who wants to see you grover: percy, i’m so sorry. satyrs are supposed to be protectors. i’m the worst satyr in the world. percy: grover, i’m so glad you’re here right now. then they hug and i sob -“it’s not a lightsaber” -oh btw jorrel is SO DAMN CUTE -clarisse’s battlecry is my energy -RYAN IS IN DRAG THIS ISN’T A DRILL RYAN IS IN DRAG AND IT’S SO EASY TO RECOGNIZE HIM BUT IT’S THE BEST THING TO WATCH -HE LITERALLY “HITS” HIS CROTCH WITH HIS AXE BY ACCIDENT -percy wheels himself in on the toilet. QT. -“she could’ve killed me!” “the plan would have worked either way.” -grover did a cute lil tap dance in “i’m the child of pan” -while crying you just hear grover go I DON’T LIKE THIS SONG ANYMORE then just keeps fucking dancing -“as long as you are here with me puts arm around percy” -“mr d wants to kill you- i mean, talk to you” -“it’s not just some silly lightning bolt on a traveling musical tour!” -“look at the boy! he’s hardly a thief!” “oh, i suppose, unless you’re a good actor, and OHOHOHOHO, i’m the god of drama, and i can say HE’S NOT.” -mr d’s obsession with dolphins is my will to live -the oracle is actually really fucking silly bc of everyone hiding under her dress -“AND YOU SHALL FAIL” “spirit fingers FAIIILLLLLLLLLL” -oh god good kid was making me feel things. the emotion, the lighting, the fog, the music, i was on the verge of tears. chris is so talented. -“if you’re the son of poseidon and you wanna be alone, don’t go to the lake. it’s the first place they look. don’t worry, i won’t tell chiron you’re here.” -“and i’ll be the second first! :D” -annabeth does a riff on her high note of QUEST and we don’t talk about it enough

ACT TWO

-RYAN AS AUNTIE EM IS THE REASON I GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING. -“i had a boyfriend... deep voice ONCE.” -he kept moving his hips and dropping into a deep voice and moving his hips and i was sure i was gonna die -“nemesis... nemesees.... nemisisises... WE DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER.” -perc+grov literally pulled a dirty dancing so percy could chop off her head. -“but it wasn’t your fault.” “you’re right, it’s yours.” -kristen’s vocals were stellar as usual and they used this badass lighting to make it look like sunlight was pokin out through windows as lil disco lights. -oh btw i was blinded like 3214732148904722 times but idgaf -“i know a way to get our parents to notice us HELP ME BOX THIS HEAD” -“care of: ~perseus jackson~ and ANNABETH C H A S E.” -was ares wearing a tracksuit? what the literal- -HKJFDSALK grover pulled his hair up during the slomo part and it stuck upright -percy’s like “i swallowed a bug” -“i’m gonna pass out... pass out... p a s s o u t.” -KRONOS MADE ME ALMOST PISS MYSELF IT’S SO CREEPY WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK -grover shakes him awake like “you really do drool in your sleep,,,,” -in tree on the hill jorrel was actually sobbing and chris got up at one point to go to him and it was so touching -the scene above them made my heart ache too, especially the freezeframe during “maybe if i’d been a little bit braver” where thalia’s collapsed and luke and annabeth are holding each other i just... a h -charon as the elevator woman is GREAT -her riffs made me want to get up and start boogie-ing -“like? the fish sauce?” -ARGUABLY THE BEST PART OF THE SHOW WAS HADES -HE’S FUCKING GAY -LIKE FLAMINGLY FLAMBOYANT. I’M NOT EVEN KIND OF JOKING. LISP AND EVERYTHING. THERE WERE T E A R S. -ares wears a tank top in son of poseidon and i died -sally and poseidon flirted like hell and POSEIDON SHOT FINGER GUNS AND POOR PERCY WAS SO AWKAWRDHFALHFJDASFJHK -in last day of summer percy tried reaching out for luke early but luke just walked away b4 mr d came on stage -luke grabs percy by the shirt when he says “good!” and shoves him back -gods i can’t get over james’ vocals. so good. SO GOOD. -luke took the banner w him when he stabbed percy and ran -bring on the monsters was actually a huge bop and i didn’t cry like i thought i would :0 -all in all i re-lost my voice screaming over this shit and i’m so grateful i got to see it

STAGEDOOR

-so the stagedoor was super vague @ first bc i heard they weren’t doing it from a parent, but not even the staff were sure -so mom let me hang out by the stagedoor to see if ppl came out -chris came out first & i didn’t even recognize him til he was right in front of me (dramatic ass all bundled up like an eskimo) and he felt bad bc he couldn’t stay long and didn’t have a pen to sign anything but i couldn’ stop saying oH MY GOD OH MY GOD -then jorrel came out and was like “i can’t sign anything either but pics would be much quicker if you wanted them” and igOT TWO PICS WITH JORREL GUYS THIS IS NOT A DRILL -he was like “it’s so cold (findlay ohio) how do y’all live here?” and i was like “we don’t know” his dramatic southern californian ASS i loved him -i got a signature from sarah, and she was super sweet (she took the pic for me bc my fingers were numb from the cold. NEGATIVE WINDCHILL GUYS. WELCOME TO OHIO. -i asked jalynn to adopt me and shes like YALL ARE TOO SWEET and i got her signature too -i ALSO met kristen and got her signature+picture as well, idk how i wasn’t panicking but i was so flustered -someone told kristen they’d take a bullet for her and she went DON’T DO THAT -everyone else walked past and couldn’t bc of the cold but we cheered for them anyway -so yeah by the time i got in the car my fingers were literally burning and i couldn’t feel my legs but I GOT SIGNATURES AND PICTURES AND THAT’S WHAT MATTERS -i also got a t-shirt -who’s hardcore? me. i’m hardcore.

hope you guys enjoyed these notes lol

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scummy-writes · 6 years

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Stupid and Sappy post

*waves hands* It’s time for Scum to say bye to MM under the cut! (This is very stupid jhfbjhf)

I can already feel people rolling their eyes at me for this, especially folks who keep like, vague tweeting me and shit over my opinions about this game, but guess what bitch is gonna write this anyway! Me! sfbjhdf

(This post is going to be incoherent at places, like as I am as a person, but also! I talk about heavy subjects like suic*de, so if that gets to you, please don’t read!)

To start it off seriously: even though recently I’ve had a lot of issues over this company with their lack of warning over heavy triggering content, and their very blatantly bad customer service, I still love the original game a lot. Not in the “Oh this plot is beautiful” way, but like. This game helped me at a time when I was extremely lonely, and was dealing with a lot of heavy shit at home.

If you guys have followed me since the beginning, you know know I started this blog just a few months after downloading this game. Like riiight at the beginning of Jan 2017, I made my first post on here- this blog is two years old! I started out as a HC blog and stayed that way for a while, and I think after I hit 1k followers I finally brought up the fact that I had an AO3 account- and folks realized I had started writing fics in oct 2016 for this game! So, a lot of people know that, wow! This game inspired me a lot creatively and helped me hone my writing skills a bit more after a while not being in a writing class! (And yes, my early fics I absolutely refuse to look at because I hate how I used to write JHBJSBFS).

What a lot of folks don’t know, is that at the very beginning of august, I had gotten out of a ward after coming very close to doing something pretty bad to myself.

Granted, I didn’t have to stay in there long- I had put myself in there so I could also leave whenever I wanted (as long as the docs deemed me safe to leave as well) but I kept myself in there for a good bit so I could do a lot of critical thinking and not stress so much about my job at the time.

Afterwards, I got out, while I wasn’t still at That Point, I was still struggling pretty bad mentally. Home life was rough, my mom was battling with a terrible boyfriend at the time that lived with us, and I was still dipping back into some pretty bad thoughts.

Then, a friend I’ve had for a while now, introduced me to this game! And, well, I already covered that it helped me a lot in the creative process, but it also helped distract me a shitton from the bad home life I had.

A lot of people probably also remember that a month after having this blog up and running, my mom tried killing herself.

Everything is still really vivid in my memory about that- because like. So many things could have gone wrong. My little brother could have fallen asleep earlier before he found her, I could have picked up that extra hour for my shift at work, this, that- but long story short she’s still alive.

But it was a terrible year for me. Probably, arguably, all of 2017 was the worst year I’ve had in my life so far. So many things happened with my mother, she was mentally unstable, and after a lot of threats against me I even had to move out until she was more stable and, you know, not threatening to hurt me/break my shit.

And, a lot of you know, while I was constantly dealing with my own mother threatening me and trying to disown me, I was also being harassed on a constant basis over juz*n bullshit. Words cannot describe how laughably stupid that whole situation was, but it was completely, utterly, ridiculous bullshit.

Add that onto me dealing with the IRL struggles with my mom, some of which are somewhat starting to repeat even now- to the point where I’m going to be moving out again soon- well. Shit! It sucked, lol. It sucked a lot, and there were many times where I wish I was back in the hospital or worse.

But, and yes I’m gonna say exactly what yall are expecting, again- this game helped me out a lot. I constantly felt alone and worthless- my own mother was abandoning me- and these voiced sprites made me feel less alone. Gave me the attention I wish I had IRL.

And, well, a lot of my 2017 year is easy to summarize. Constantly harassed, bullied, and dealing with stupid fandom wank. But, also, filled with wonderful messages and support from you guys.

I’ve preached before how follower counts are ridiculous to base your self worth on- and yes I still agree to that, please don’t base your self worth on follower counts. Or anyone’s! - but some of you have literally followed me since the beginning, or for a Very Long Time, if not. I may be terrible with names, but I still recognize you guys and all the kind words you’ve sent me, and I hope you guys know you helped just as much as MM was helping me.

I’m getting incoherent, but a lot of what I’m trying to say is that, this game has helped me out a shitton. That’s probably why I get so vocal about issues concerning the company- not out of a sense of ‘they owe me’ (they owe me absolutely fucking nothing), but just. It sucks seeing a game that used to be so wonderful in its prime, go so fucking downhill so fast. Customer service used to be wonderful, I remember accidentally putting down my old address for the VIP package and messaging them right after I ordered explaining I needed a change of address, and a Live Person getting back to me within the hour and fixing the issue.

Comparing that with, you know, the Four Fucking Months it took to speak to Someone Successfully about the saeran daki bullshit- then you know...Well, yeah you guys know, I’ve went off about it before.

Now it’s apparent that they’re more money hungry, with how you had to pay 900+ hgs with the recent AE stuff with V, and...hoo boy, I’m sure everyones heard enough at this point.

So, backtracking a bit because I’m chugging coffee and all incoherent, this game has brought in a lot of positives in my life. You guys, healthier distractions than what I used to do to myself, friends, creative outlets being brought back to life again. I think thats why I get so upset at the fandom, at people snapping at me for not liking some of the recent things cheritz has done- people fucking vaguetweeting me, for fucks sake, and getting so personally angry at me over how I got upset at Cheritz. Like, I’m not shitting yall, I literally lost friendships over my opinions on cheritz.

And it sucks! Not gonna lie, like it sucks because it’s so fucking stupid. But then you take a look into the fandom- with the ongoing and constant harassment over contributors in charity zines, constant harassment over people if they like a character you don’t or vice versa, the harassment against artists concerning repostings or, god forbid, them drawing a ship you dislike- and it’s just.

How did a game, focusing on the message of how kindness and patience can help out in so many ways, create this rabid fucking fandom?

Even content creators fight against each other. I cannot explain the bullshit I’ve seen over people being mad that they’re not on someones personal “recommended blogs to follow!” lists, over people going out of their way to harass folks because they didn’t make it on a zine, over people trying to use a follow count over why they’re much better than so and so- It’s just...Bad. All of it.

And, well. Combine Cheritz rapidly making their own game worse, in ways we all have heard about me (or others) complain about, and this terrible fandom, I think that perfectly explains why I’m uninstalling and pretty much being done with the fandom once the other stuff I’m involved in finishes.

This game brought a lot of happiness for me, and even with my recent grievances with this game, it (laughably) hurts to uninstall it. I know its ridiculous, god trusT ME i know, but it still sucks saying goodbye to something I still love, but can’t stand being around anymore. At this point, the fandom feels like an abusive ex-friend/whatever and the game used to be what good the ex had left. And now that thats getting worse...orz

I’ll always treasure the doors this game opened up for me- how it allowed me to meet amazing people, some of which I can happily say are my friends, and how it helped me become creative again, how I’ve been able to be on zines to help charities, and how I’ve been blessed to hear my writing impact people in positives ways- but here’s my sappy goodbye while I try to scrapbook the positive memories and bury the negative ones in upcoming therapy session.

If you read this far- bless yoooooou I know I sound like the damn. Crazy image of the dude with papers pinned to the wall, but I hope I made some sort of sense. Thank you!

#scum talks

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virtuissimo · 6 years

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Trail of Lightning by Rebecca Roanhorse (Review)

Roanhorse has effectively cemented herself as a visionary in indigenous futurism with her rich world-building, her casual commentary on the powers that be, and even her dynamic and lovable characters, but I think it’s perfectly clear that this is her debut novel. She definitely gets lost in the sauce plot-wise towards the end, and there are several points where the potential for improvement is obvious. Nonetheless, she’s got me rearing for the next book already, and I will definitely be following this series.

This is the kind of book where I really think you can get the most out of it if you go in blind with very little prior knowledge of the book, and it really is a good one. I encourage yall to give it a go. If you don’t care about getting a little more detail, I’ll go into a spoiler free section.

No Spoilers

Okay, first thing I’ve gotta talk about is the setting. First off, it’s AWESOME. The setting is about 6? 7? years after an apocalypse. The explanation for it is really organic and it informs a lot of how the book proceeds.

Idk if this counts as a spoiler so it’s in its own paragraph, but basically the apocalypse was a series of natural disasters around the world plus a major flood that drowned out most of the continental U.S. except for a few walled off city states. The walls are specifically and emphatically NOT the ones that the Trump administration is gunning for—Roanhorse dismisses that quite quickly. These walls were ones that local communities decided to put up, and they are made of beautiful materials that have cultural significance for the Dine.

My favorite thing about the setting is the societal organization. Dinetah is a really interesting place because of the ubiquity of Dine people & culture, but also because Roanhorse obviously has a lot of really interesting thing to say about what apocalypse means to a people that have already had their apocalypse. They already had foreign invasion and genocide, they already had their numbers chipped away to a shadow of its former size, they already had their land destroyed beyond recognition. So what does it mean when in apocalypse destroys the society that destroyed yours? I think Roanhorse’s answer is that it did more good for the Dine than bad. They are freer and safer in an apocalypse, even DESPITE the presence of monsters everywhere.

One thing I really liked about her approach to Dinetah was the use of language. To quote a journal entry I wrote about this book: “Roanhorse makes creative use of Dine words and language. There is no glossary, and sometimes there isn’t even an in-text translation. English speakers are forced to pick up Dine words with no life preserver just as so many non-English speakers are forced to do the same in our world.” Most of the concepts, like clan powers and ghosts and monsters, have a Dine word attached to them, and you learn to recognize them as you read. She doesn’t remind you of their definition either: you either paid attention the first time it came up or you’re screwed! It was just an interesting stylistic choice, and I enjoyed the experience.

Another note about the setting that I love: I LOOOVE the references to the other citystates. I think one was New Detroit? New Denver? And there was a Mormon citystate (when I read that I screamed) and there was one called Aztlan (!!!!!) which was very exciting for me. I have complicated feelings about Aztlan because I think most people who live in this post-apocalyptic citystate would probably not be indigenous Mexicans but rather americanized mestizo Chicanos who think they have an inherent claim to the land just because they colonized it first, but I think as an indigenous author I can trust her to develop a nuanced view of Aztlan and what that means for Mexican Americans (especially consider the fact that she had several sensitivity readers mentioned in her acknowledgements). I really hope we get a chance to explore those in future books.

Oh, also: there are no white people in this book. Like, none. They reference them in vague terms, but I don’t think there was a location or scene that had a white person even in the background, and there were certainly no speaking parts for white people in this book. So basically I loved that. I do that often in my own writing but it’s so rare in mainstream fiction. There is a family that is not Dine in the book, but they are a large black family. With regards to the writing of the black characters: I noticed that her physical descriptions of them sometimes had words that I’ve seen on lists of What Not To Say About Black Characters (comparing skin color to food, particular words used to describe hair, etc.), but I flipped to the author bio and she apparently is black as well as indigenous so I guess my concerns weren’t really relevant lol. One of these characters is also gay, and I thought his characterization was a little bit weird, but it’s fine I guess.

Now I haven’t seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I’ve read a spinoff from the same universe and have heard enough about it to see the obvious inspiration that Roanhorse took from it. This is not necessarily a bad thing, of course; Buffy has a very particular energy where it’s fantastically easy to get invested. Maggie Hoskie as a hero is easy to love, and even as someone who doesn’t typically like lengthy action sequences, I found the fighting scenes thrilling. However, at the same time Roanhorse commits some of the same mistakes in writing her female protagonist that Joss Whedon so famously introduced into the mainstream, and there are a few times where it becomes difficult not to roll your eyes.

As I’ve seen other reviewers note, Maggie as a character is very reliant on the men in her life. She describes early on how her life was saved by Niezghani, an immortal godlike monster slayer, and his presence in her thoughts influences nearly every decision she makes throughout the novel. Some people have a problem with this; I personally think this is a fine set-up. The author takes great care to show how unhealthy her relationship with Niezghani is. Even when Maggie is talking about how great and powerful he is, how she should be grateful that he even gives her the time of day, we as a reader can tell something is very wrong with their relationship from the very beginning. I don’t really like the direction Roanhorse went with Niezghani (I’ll get into that in the spoilers section I guess), but I thought this relationship as a premise was fine.

I think where she slipped up a little was in putting her relationship with Kai, a mysterious and charming medicine man who helps her on her investigation/quest/whatever, as the center of the story. I guess technically we’re not certain about this since the whole series isn’t out yet, but I think it’s safe to assume this guy is endgame. The whole first half of the book is spent getting to know Kai, which I think is fine because he is a great character and truly charming. (I’m always suspicious of “”charming”” type characters because more often than not the author makes them annoying and presumptuous.) He actually seems to care about the things that are happening, he doesn’t make assumptions, he understands boundaries, and his kindness is genuine. I like Kai, okay, he’s great. BUT I think that spending so much time with him instead of ruminating with Maggie some more was a mistake.

I can understand WHY roanhorse did this: Maggie is someone who is very wrapped up in her thoughts, and 9 times out of 10 her thoughts are really fuckin depressing. I just think that a lot of time was spent characterizing Kai when it could have been done in less time and more efficiently.

The main thing about Kai is that his skills as a medicine man are very mysterious, and Maggie becomes curious very early on about the nature of his abilities. The answer to her questions, though, aren’t given until very very late in the book. In fact, we don’t understand everything about his medicine man secrets until like 10 pages from the end. I think this is way too late. First off, we don’t get to see him in action very much, and the way things go I really wish we had. Second, Roanhorse just wastes a lot of time in the beginning and crams a whole lot in the end. From a world-building perspective these sections are really cool and fascinating, but plot-wise it’s extremely inefficient that we learn about Kai in bits and pieces like this, especially since all of his secrets kind of come out one after the other all crowded at the end. I don’t know if she got the right balance in that tradeoff.

Another critique I’ve seen people have is that all of Maggie’s problems AS WELL AS the solutions to her problems revolve around the men in her life. I did think it was strange that Maggie was essentially the only major female character in the whole book. There was Rissa, but she was a minor character and didn’t have much agency in the plot. I would say that Maggie did have agency, and the way she carries herself both in conversation and in action both suggest that she is making her own decisions independent of male influence. I see where these critiques are coming from, though, and I agree that more of her story should have been herself rather than obsessing over these men.

Minor spoilers I guess: One scene that I think most socially conscious people rolled their eyes at was the decision to create a plot point where she had to get all dolled up in a sexy outfit because Reasons. And then people had that weird Oh My God So Hot moment that we are all so fond of (/s). Annoying tropes like that rear their ugly faces from time to time, but this is the only one that really irritated me.

Yea. I mean. It’s a good book. I think yall should read it. As I’ve said, the worldbuilding and setting is awesome, the characters are super cool, the action is cool and Actually let’s just get into the spoilers.

SPOILERS

Coyote was one of my favorite characters. I think Roanhorse may have wanted him to be a morally gray could-be-either-side type of character, but I really saw him as a straight up villain just because he never actually did help them in a way that didn’t backfire. I love reading him though; the sheer chaos that he brings to every scene really appealed to my gayer side. I don’t know if this is an aspect to him that is commonly seen in folktales or something, but I did think that he was a little over the top creepy about the sex stuff though. When he said that shit about Maggie jacking off to Niezghani I was just…ok he’s crossin some Lines here. Also he was constantly making Kai and Maggie uncomfortable sexually, so I don’t really get why they were always so willing to trust him. Still, he was SO interesting. Whenever he showed up I was instantly enthralled.

One thing that got on my nerves a little was that from the very beginning, it was very clear that Kai and Maggie being endgame is a given. Don’t get me wrong, Roanhorse put in the work to make them seem like a really organic and natural couple. And I guess it’s kind of respectable that she didn’t try to pretend like it wasn’t gonna happen, cuz we all knew. But I think it was a little annoying that EVERYONE, including Tah and Longarm and Grace and Coyote and Kai and EVEN MAGGIE at times were basically of the attitude that they were just biding time until they eventually hook up one day. She really didn’t have to do all that; I liked them as a couple already!

Okay but plot-wise, I have to say this, but Roanhorse REALLY got lost in the sauce there. The final battles were so complicated, and there were actually 3 different scenes that felt like they could be the final battle but then there was more (the battle where Rissa got gutted, the Niezghani versus Maggie fight, and the Black Mesa battle). I feel like she couldn’t decide on a conclusion for book one and just threw all that in there for good measure. In any case, it made the last third of the book really messy and unfocused.

I think she also had too many Reveals. Like, Niezghani revealed Kai’s identity, Kai reveals his true intentions, Coyote reveals his plan, Maggie reveals her counter-plan, and Coyote reveals the circumstances of her nali’s death. TOO MUCH. It was all so cloudy and confusing towards the end, especially with regards to Coyote’s plan. First of all, I didn’t really understand what his plan was on first read, and I ESPECIALLY didn’t understand why he took the time to explain it to her. Second off, I didn’t understand Maggie’s counterplan (I don’t think it’s explained in too many words?) and I ESPECIALLY didn’t understand how they planned to have Kai survive. (Now that I’ve had time to think about it I suppose it’s related to his fast healing situation probably, and they just decided to murk him and see if he was actually immortal or whatever the fuck.) Also Kai and Maggie had that whole conversation about their love life right in front of Niezghani………messy as fuck and also is this really the time?????

One thing I really liked about the beginning of the book was that Maggie was such an unreliable narrator when it came to Niezghani. Like, it was pretty obvious that he’s garbage from the beginning, but Maggie just idolizes this man and you have to like scream into the book WHYY??? But the only way that she’s able to idolize him that way is that he presents himself as a mentor, as an authority, and maybe not so much as a caring figure as much as someone to look up to. He is, if nothing else, RESPECTABLE. But when he finally shows up in the Maggie v Niezghani fight, he is not respectable. He is overtly cruel in a way everyone, including Maggie, can see. He is overtly manipulative. He is overtly uncaring and honestly terrible. But this portrayal of him is SO MUCH LESS NUANCED than it was at the beginning of the book. I wish Roanhorse had had the guts to make him more complicated. To make him ACT apologetic or ACT like a mentor, but to make him a hypocrite. That, to me, would have been much more interesting. I understand that trauma informed a big part of the reason Maggie trusted him in the first place, but I wanted to meet the smooth and enchanting man that Maggie fell in love with but all I saw was this horrible person who never even tries to hide how horrible he is.

Of course, as this is just the first book, we don’t really know what is to come. Since Niezghani is just chillin under the dirt, I think we can assume that he’ll be back. Nonetheless, I’m a bit disappointed that he was pacified/restrained at the end of this book. I kind of hoped that after this confrontation, Maggie would have an epiphany about all the shit he put her through, and then in following books he would be the main antagonist. They would have various run-ins, but only in the final book has she truly built up the strength to get her comeuppance. Or something like that. I just wanted Niezghani’s role to be stretched out is all. I wanted her arc of truly unpacking all of that mess to be over the course of several books, not just one novel in which she’s also distracted by her budding romance with Kai and also the monster stuff.

So yea. It’s a good book. There’s problems, as I’ve clearly stated, but honestly a lot of them come across to me as rookie errors. This is her debut novel, and I don’t think it’s that weird for her to use these tropes in ways that I as a reader don’t care for. However, I definitely think that the pieces are there for her to make excellent use of her setting and characters and pull together a really energetic and thrilling series. Looking forward to returning to the Sixth World!

#book review #trail of lightning #the sixth world #sixth world #6th world #rebecca roanhorse #trail of lightning review #indigenous futurism #scifi #indigeneity #books #my post #jub jub reads books

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