#(*somehow makes it vague while also overthinking it and making it kinda long*)

[didderd]

What’s Tic’s and Tac’s type?

hmm. that's a hard one

these mens aren't picky

Tac likes someone he can easily fluster, but if you can fluster him, he's putty in your hands. :3 (his Grillby's one of the few that can fluster him with flirts, most ppl will have to get vry sweet with him to get him all red (example: kissing his bite scares))

Tic likes a big sweetheart (and a big flirt), one of his main receiving love languages probably being words of affirmation.

physical appearance wise, they don't really care. in monster culture, it's not common to care about that, with everyone looking so different.

tho Tac might have a bit more fun teasing someone shorter than him, and both might like soft and squishy skin, and soft hair, in contrast to their bone.

(suggestive bits under th cut 👀)

ofc Tac will have plenty of fun with someone who's already easily submissive, but he might have even more fun with someone feisty, someone who plays hard to get, the challenge of getting the stubborn ones flustered/submissive being a fun and rewarding one. (and if someone manages to dominate him, i mean.. he's not complaining. 👀)

Tic does not mind a submissive partner, however he is a lot more receptive to a dominant one than Tac. He's likely to be the one in bindings. (also.. might be turned on by a more. scary/intimidating person.)

[callivich]

Does anyone want to adopt a fic? I’ve got something in my drafts that I’ve been working on for over a year and while I really love the idea, I just cannot get it to work. It’s not really finished enough to orphan on ao3 but it’s also not vague enough to be just a prompt.

Anyway, here’s some long rambly - kinda meta - ideas/thoughts:

The original idea was the question ‘what if they had the monogamy conversation at a different time?’ And I thought it would be interesting if they were invited to hang out (and more….) with a couple in the building who were in an open relationship.

I feel like Ian would shut it down pretty quickly but he would then overthink and just have to bring it up to Mickey because even though he would be fairly confident that they are already monogamous and that’s what Mickey wants, he gets a bit anxious and just has to have the conversation for his own piece of mind.

Ian worries Mickey hasn’t had the chance to date around and experiment with others in a positive way, kind of echoing his previous s10 comments about being in love. While he doesn’t like the idea of Mickey with another man, he feels they should have the conversation. Mickey has no interest in an open marriage, he clearly states he wants to be monogamous.

Somehow, this spiralled a bit and I ended up writing a little exploration of sexuality. And the story becomes ‘is Mickey demisexual?’ Mickey admits he’s never really enjoyed sex with anyone other than Ian. That it’s fine/it scratches an itch etc but it doesn’t do it for him in the same way it does with Ian. Mickey thinks this is just something that is weird but Ian suggests there might actually be a label for it.

I didn’t write this bit but I imagine them googling and finding a label - possibly demisexuality. It takes them a minute to get their heads around it and they read the definitions of it.

Ian is curious if Mickey therefore “liked” him since he says that he enjoyed the first time they had sex. Mickey isn’t sure - but guesses he was at least interested in some way in Ian because he’d been obsessing over finding him because of Mandy and then had enjoyed stealing from the Kash and Grab because it annoyed Ian. He guesses he didn’t realise what these feelings were at the time.

I also included a bit about Mickey only bottoming for Ian - first because he couldn’t trust anyone in the neighbourhood/juvie/prison and it was better to make deals and top so that nothing got back to his dad, and then it still wasn’t safe in Mexico/there wasn’t much opportunity. And he would have been on his guard living in an unfamiliar place by himself. I’ve always thought that he probably only bottomed for Ian and that the biggest indicator of this was Byron. Mickey was out and proud and confident at that point but he still did not bottom. If he wanted to, he could have in a safe environment with someone who was not a threat. Sure, maybe Byron was just not at all interested in topping but I think it’s more than likely Mickey just didn’t want to do that with anyone other than Ian. Which brings me back around to the demisexuality idea and that he’s really not that interested in sex outside of Ian.

I was going to add in something about Mickey feeling he could do it with Ian the first time because he didn’t think Ian would be stupid enough to out Mickey as he would also out himself to the rest of the Milkovich family. Or that he just thought Ian was in the closet and actually trying to have a relationship with Mandy and therefore would not say anything.

Ultimately it’s kinda a story about monogamy but also kinda a story about sexuality and past experiences? I dunno if these thoughts make sense for their characters but hopefully people kinda get what I was thinking?

But like I said, I just cannot make it work, so if anyone is interested in taking bits and pieces of this or reworking/remixing it, get in touch and I can send what I’ve written via email. Or if you just wanna chat about this - I’d love to discuss any topics along these lines, so please do send an ask! 💖

[friendrat]

HUZZAH I CAN ASK YOU THINGS NOW!

So so so so so — you said you had two or three D&D campaigns that lasted for a while. What were those, and what characters did you play in them?

Also, do you have a favorite D&D character who you either have never gotten to play or only got to play for a very short amount of time?

My first long running character was a 5e Tiefling Sorcerer who worshiped Bahamut. Her name was Friendrat (😆), and she drew some vague backstory information from her true namesake (ie that she was an advisor). She and her group lived in a post apocalyptic wasteland where there were shortages on food, water, shelter, and pretty much everything. People were generally untrusting of outsiders and slave trade was rampant. Her best friend was an elderly monk named Mouse (this was not planned at all, random coincidence), and they dubbed themselves Team Rodent and had a team rocket parody motto. Her backstory isn't anything she's proud of. She used to be an advisor to a gang leader named Joe. His gang was a big leader in the prostitution and human trafficking industry. She was to an extent an advocate for the girls, in that she advised Joe to give the girls better treatment, such as medical care, nutrition, and better living conditions. Somehow she also came to know a bit about the underground railroad of sorts that helped the girls escape, but her involvement in that never really got defined. Anyway, she was a pretty important figure in the gang, basically second in command, until a new Joe took over (the name functioned as a title rather than a given name, whoever was in charge was Joe). This Joe didn't think women should be in positions of power, so he gave her the ultimatum that she could be his private girl, or she could join the rest. She left that night, and never stopped running since. At some point she started worshiping Bahamut, and tried to make up for her part in the trafficking. That campaign kinda fizzled due to a player stepping away right when he was about to be important. We got to see a flashforward though in my second character's campaign after an interdimensional crossover. It may start again someday, but who knows.

My second character was a 5e Half Elf Bard/Druid named Eanrin (I was needing Goldstone Woods closure, ok? 😆). His story didn't get a happy ending though. We weren't good at following instructions in that campaign. It was supposed to be like 5 sessions long, and we were meant to kill a lich. We got hung up on the fact that the lich would come back if we didn't destroy the phylactory as well, and we spent so much time worrying about that that we ran the campaign for over a year, and in game accidentally let the lich win the war. Eanrin never got to confess to his true love because she got bodyswapped with the lich and then murdered. The campaign ultimately ended by the lich dying in a random accident, and an emissary of the Raven Queen telling us all off, and taking one of the companions as payment for our failure. Although two of us were still contractually bound to her or something... I don't remember for sure. We were alive and she expected better from us in the future. Some room for a sequel. It was bittersweet (more bitter than sweet), still a fun campaign though. We learned sometimes you shouldn't overthink the plot... not exactly the closure I was looking for, obviously.

My third character is in an active campaign. She is a 4e Maubashri (homebrew cat race) Fighter named Acara. Acara is fiercely loyal, and has a sense of wonder and curiosity. She dual wields short swords and has been known to scale houses mid battle to fight opponents on the roof. Before she was born her parents were attacked and her father, a healer, was killed. Her mother, pregnant at the time, was the only survivor of the attack, because she was saved by a gold dragon. When Acara was born she was a black panther like her mother, but her undercoat was a unique shining gold. Eventually she set out from home in search of the dragon to thank him for saving her life, and a part of her also hoped to find the people responsible for her father's death to bring them to justice. Thusly far she hasn't succeeded in either. Her travels led her to a town trapped in a strange fog, and plagued by a mysterious killer known as Slasher Jack, who has been attacking "working girls" and removing their organs for unknown purposes. Upon arrival in town Acara stumbled across one of his victims, but the effects of the fog played with her mind and caused her to see the body of her mother (this DM is bound and determined to give Acara unending trauma...). Anyway for some unexplained reason, Jack became obsessed with Acara (not sure why, she doesn't fit his pattern), and after our failed attempt to defeat him, he left town, and left some creepy love note for Acara saying how they would be together again and he would take her apart then (like I said... unending trauma...). He wasn't the real big bad for this chapter though. The real big bad is a trapped dark god, one of 6 or 7 that are breaking through into our world, and we have to reseal them. We have managed to reseal the first one, but still have a long way to go. Our party lost two characters in the process, but only one will be replaced (we lost a player to cancer...).

For the second question, I made Nyx and Brendis from one of my original stories into 4e characters to further flesh out the characters, especially Brendis, because Nyx is more fun to think about. We didn't get very far in the campaign, but Brendis was a lot of fun to play. He was a cinnamon roll, so the other players picked on him quite a bit. They suggested things like going to a brothel to get the girls to teach him to apply makeup (to cover his birthmark, which was attracting unwanted attention), and he would go bright red. 😆 So I wish I had gotten to play around with him in a dnd setting more. Other than that I have a series of characters based on mythology and fairy tales in various stages of being finished, including a Hercules character, a Princess Niamh character, and a Billy Beg character. I also have a character named Brugrim who is based solely on the thought "a Dwarven Bard who plays exclusively Dwarf Metal". He likes to sing Diggy Diggy Hole.

[simon-newman]

Newman’s Anime Reviews - Kimetsu no Yaiba

Hello Everyone and welcome to my first anime review in… Nearly 4 years?

*Cough*

Yeah - I know - I am still supposed to write the Seven Witches review… I have no excuses. I will get to it. SOMEDAY!

But today I’m going to talk about another anime. The first title from my 2021 anime challenge.

Actually this is the only anime from the challenge list that I’ve picked myself because I’ve been intending to watch it for a while now.

I’m talking about

Kimetsu no Yaiba

Now - I didn’t really know what I’m getting myself into. I’m not sure if this counts as an achievement but I didn’t know shit about this title outside of:

Some people I know highly recommended it to me,

Nezuko is the best girl (and a demon)

There’s some dude wearing boar’s head as a mask,

Swords

Apparently it’s about killing demons

This is everything. EVERYTHING I knew when I started watching.

First things first however - let's start with the premise.

We meet our protagonist - Kamaboko Gonpachiro as he’s living his harsh but happy life with his large family. Monjiro takes on the responsibility of caring for his mother and younger siblings as the oldest male in the family after his father’s death before the start of the plot.

We join our protagonist as he goes down the mountain to sell charcoal at the nearby village and promises to come back with a lot of goods and food for the New Year’s.

Right off the bat we’re presented with beautiful scenes of  a loving family life our protagonist enjoys and I’m not going to make any anime veteran jokes about it.

Long story short - Tontaro’s trip lasts longer than he expected and he ends up staying the night at the village. It is then that we learn about demons that prowl the night of Kimetsu no Yaiba world. Evil creatures of darkness that feed on the flesh of humans. We also learn about demon hunters who protect people from those demons.

Gengoro resumes his trip back early in the morning but thanks to his keen sense of smell soon realizes that something is wrong. Very wrong. He rushes forward to get back as soon as possible but it is already too late.

There was a demon attack during the night and his family got killed with the sole exception of his sister Nezuko who was turned into a demon.

Surprising a demon hunter who appears shortly after Nezuko manages to regain her senses and has strong enough will to resist attacking humans. Thus begins Kanjiro’s journey - to become a demon slayer himself, avenge his family, protect others from what happened to him and find a way to turn his sister back into a regular human.

Sounds easy, right?

  I’ll be honest here that while the beginning was executed beautifully I must admit that I wasn’t really feeling this anime right away.

It seemed like your standard shounen anime from the start. Greatly executed despite being very cliche but still not outstanding.

Tragedy to set our protagonists on their way followed by the training arc and Jangoro finally becoming a demon slayer while Nezuko changes in her own way to be able to live without consuming humans - surprising experienced demon slayers.

It is only after that that the real story begins and we follow Tanjiro as he starts his mission as a true demon slayer himself.

Truly basics of the basics if I were to be honest. At that point I couldn’t really complain about anything in this show but at the same time nothing really stood out. As mentioned - the story was cliche. The fights so far were so-so. Animation was good but at the same time I knew that Ufotable isn’t showing it’s best yet. Somehow however it all just worked - together with music which really played into my tastes - yes - I really enjoy the music in this show (make it the one thing i really liked at that point).

But then everything changed with the Asakusa Arc.

Oh no! It’s Michael Jackson! RUN!

  The introduction of the Big Bad Muzan, his Twelve Demon Moons and the possible way of turning Nezuko back into human set our vague goals in place and Kentaro finally had a clear mission to accomplish.

What’s more - from this point on the fights become far more entertaining as well.

I did get the impression that this progress might be done too rapidly but thinking back it’s a good thing actually. We got too used to 150 episodes of nothing important happening and now any sort of early development seems rapid.

Before you say that I contradict my statements from earlier reviews hear me out: While we do meet major antagonists early on we don’t really get much from it outside of direction in the story. The Big Bad doesn’t make a move himself and is not even fought directly but becomes aware of Tangoro’s existence and wants him gone.

This is a good development to happen early in the story to keep the stakes high while not resolving anything just yet.

But this is not the end of improvements.

In the following story arc (Tsuzumi Mansion Arc) Santarou meets with two fellow demon slayer newbies - Zenitsu and Insouke who add some team dynamics to our already decent story and IMO further improves the fights we get to see.

As for the new team members… Zenitsu starts out pretty annoying at first with his extremely cowardly demeanor while Inosuke is the polar opposite with a fearless, rash personality.

I might be overthinking it but I see Inosuke as a parody - of sorts - for a character I personally dislike - Kirito from SAO. Both are dual-wielding master swordsmen with a feminine face (and for added bonus they’re both voiced by Yoshitsugu Matsuoka) but while Kirito’s strong because he’s the protag (Gary Stu) Inosuke is insanely ripped from his harsh life in the wilderness and… Well… Pretty much insane.

Pretty amazing, aren’t I? Pretty amazing, aren’t I?

  This change of pace - going from just Gentaro and Nezuko to a 4 man team with Zenitsu and Inosuke - marks the difference between the first and second half of this anime (and i forgot to mention it’s a whole 26 episodes show - not the 12 episodes short we got used to in recent years).

While the first half was kinda decent but not outstanding the second half is really, really entertaining to watch. Both the characters get a lot more chances at interaction and development and the action steps up from what we’ve seen before.

In short - two story arcs I’ve mentioned above supplemented what was lacking before. Things I wasn’t even clearly aware of initially.

Without a clear mission for Tenpachirou to accomplish we’d just descend into a monster-of-the-week formula and without more team members we’d be left with no means to explore our protagonists’ character in full.

What’s of Ponjirou extreme kindness if we don’t get to see him affect people with it outside of one-time-only interactions and his good relationship with his sister?

Yes - you can show it time and time again but from this point on it comes out more naturally and as I’ve mentioned already - we get to see it affect people in the long run - something I hope we’ll see further in the story.

Left to right: Boss Honey Badger, Sleeping Badass, Best Girl and Cinnamon Roll.

  Which brings me to this sad point…

Despite being a full 26 episodes show it still feels more like an introduction. We barely get to the right formula in the midpoint and conclude the fight against the first real enemy shortly before the anime is over. Souchirou’s journey has only just begun.

I’ve really wanted to write this review after watching the following Kimetsu no Yaiba Movie: Mugen Ressha-hen. That’s for multiple reasons.

At this point I know that this story arc is going to further up the stakes with the Upper Ranks of the Demon Moons getting into action but at the same time I’m really excited to see if Ufotable is going to show us what they’re capable of in terms of animation.

Because I think this anime deserves it.

Sadly - while the movie was out already I didn’t manage to watch it before writing this review.

Kamado Tanjirou vs Lower Moon One - Enmu.

  To sum it up - It was an interesting experience to see the anime develop in front of me - from a decent cliche show that didn’t make any major mistakes and played all the tropes just right into a really good and entertaining show in it’s own right.

My final assessment of the show is also the result of a certain niche this anime fits into. Namely the enjoyable sword fight scenes.

I’m definitely going to watch the movie when I’m able to and dive right into the following seasons of anime if they are made.

At this point something with this anime resonates with me - this show feels “just right” for some reason.

There’s also an added benefit of it not being dragged into infinity. From what I’ve heard the manga is already finished and we could get a definite end line before the story gets watered down into tasteless money grab.

Something to be appreciated when it comes to shounen manga…

Well. It is time to wrap up this review as well.

With all the above being said my final verdict is...

  Final Score: 8/10  +Newman’s Mark of Quality

Status: Completed

Sentence: Butterfly Mansion rehabilitation training (I bet I’d enjoy it after a while).

 Next: Code Geass

[tallycraven]

brainwashed!raelle pt.4

(pt. 1) (pt. 2) (pt. 3)

Consciousness finds her in a curious state. Scylla’s sure she’s not supposed to be… well, alive. But she’s vaguely aware of sensations that aren’t just nothingness. Stimuli like rough fabric against her forearms, stale air that smells like rubbing alcohol, and the quiet hum of a ceiling fan.

If she is dead (and therefore in hell), then she wonders if she’s done enough bad things in her life to actually have gained some sort of captaincy in the hierarchy of hell.

That thought leaves as quickly as it came.

Scylla keeps her eyes closed, but starts running diagnostics on her condition. Small wiggles of her toes, gentle clenching of her fingers. All the tiny movements correspond to the feeling of fabric moving against her, so she ticks paralysis off the list.

After deciding that, yes she’s alive and yes she’s somewhere tentatively safe, she discovers an uncomfortable dryness to her mouth and throat.

As well as an invasive distress over the thought of Raelle.

In the end, the latter thought is what gets Scylla to open her eyes.

Thankfully, she spots a glass of water on the bed stand as well as a sticky note with large, rounded handwriting that says, ‘YOU’RE SAFE, FOUGHT SPREE, WON, RAELLE’S OKAY, FOOD DOWNSTAIRS (probably), XO TALLY ☺︎’

Scylla finds herself staring at the page with squinted eyes and furrowed brows, frowning at it for only a second before the use of her face muscles send a dull throb of pain across her cheeks.

Why does Tally write like that?

A small examination of herself afterwards tells her that she’s been tended to by a decent fixer; the gash in her abdomen has been healed into an ugly scar, her lips have been mended, and the worst of most bruises have been lightened into a yellowing purple.

She’s most thankful that her eye’s not swollen anymore; bloodshot and bruised, yes, but she can see and that’s really all she could ask for.

xx

The house is decently large, she discovers, as she peaks out the window to see that they’re somewhere along the coast, on some sort of private property with trimmed hedges and a beautiful paved driveway leading down a private road.

She finds her way downstairs, taking small breaks to look out the windows at the clouded red-blue skies and steady waves washing onto the shore. It looks beautiful out.

Maybe she is dead and somehow scammed her way into heaven.

She kicks that back into the corner it came from as she descends the stairs (easier than she thought—good job, legs) and rounds the corner to find Tally Craven and Abigail Bellweather seated at a kitchen countertop, eating cereal.

Tally’s face blooms into a delighted smile, even Abigail gives her a small smile and nod of her head.

They explain what happened.

After Scylla went missing, Tally and Abigail went into high gear, tracing tracks that led out of the room that Scylla was stolen from back to a Spree hideout that then opened up an entire avenue of clues.

It took them a while to find the right thread, but when they did, they coordinated a small strike team with Anacostia’s approval and found Scylla and Raelle at a small house on the outskirts of Boston.

They successfully cleared the house and captured everyone inside, including one Willa Collar.

That was four days ago; now they’re staying low in one of the several Bellweather vacation homes, tucked safe for a little while until Petra and Anacostia can ensure no one else is after Raelle or Scylla.

Tally apologizes for taking so long.

Scylla shrugs and thanks her for even showing up at all.

The silence that stretches between the three of them awkwardly and Scylla opens her mouth to say, “So Raelle—“ at the same time Abigail says, “She’s not okay.”

Scylla can’t help but jump into full panic mode.

“Not okay? But the note said she was, have you found a fixer that can help? What’s wrong? Where is she?”

“Whoa, whoa, hey. Slow down.”

Scylla’s not sure how Abigail expects her to slow down when she just told her that Raelle’s not okay.

“She’s fine physically,” Abigail clarifies, “but mentally—emotionally, she’s not doing the best.”

xx

Raelle spends every day spaced out, existing for brief moments with Abigail and Tally only when they force her to sit down for meals.

Otherwise, she’s either locked in her room at the house or sitting out on the private beach, barefoot in the sand and staring out at the Atlantic Ocean.

Sometimes nothing feels real; it takes her a second to remember which thread of memory actually happened.

Sometimes she sees Tally and Abigail alive and unexplainable relief and joy flood her body.

Sometimes a flash of light causes her to jump, the phantom memory of a mind-shattering windstrike crashing into her.

Other times, she remembers the feeling of her fist colliding with Scylla’s face. Her hands shake uncontrollably when her brain insists that yes, that’s this existence. That yes, that actually happened.

Time flows like tar and water all at once; everything blends and fractures. There have been moments where she thinks she’s finally lost the thread.

Raelle doesn’t know how to handle the oppressive guilt in her core. The way her stomach turns with disgust at herself.

So she spends her time away from her friends, away from mirrors, away from having to hear her own voice.

She digs her fingers into the sand and brings handfuls of it up at a time, feels the way each grain slips through her grasp— tries to imagine the sand like her thoughts, slipping and collapsing into piles of nothing.

It helps, sometimes.

At least the violent headaches have simmered down into insignificantly annoying ones that press against her temples whenever she overthinks the past.

She tries her hardest to remember the feeling of Tally’s arms wrapping around her, pulling her back from Scylla’s broken body and trapping her beneath her weight as she thrashed for freedom.

Pushes a cold hand to her forehead where Tally had pressed two thumbs and undone whatever had been done to her in one haphazard go.

Izadora had shown surprise that Raelle hadn’t been lobotomized.

Tally had looked appropriately horrified at that prospect.

Raelle kind of wishes she had been lobotomized.

Then she wouldn’t have panic attacks every time she tried to approach the door of the room that she knows Scylla is recovering in.

But every time she tries to open the door, the sight of a dead Scylla flashes before her. Bloodied, beaten, cold, dead Scylla lying in that cadaver locker.

The memory of driving a knife into Scylla, the way she’d screamed. The resulting sense of vengeance and satisfaction that had come from it.

So she can’t. She can’t open that door. She can’t bare to look at Scylla. Worries about when Scylla will wake up not only because she really wants Scylla to wake up and be okay but also because she has no idea how she’ll ever be able to be in the same room as Scylla ever again without feeling like the worst piece of shit on Earth.

Raelle presses the heels of her palms against her eyes, wishing that the pressure could push the images away from her despite them being burnt into her eyelids.

She collapses back into the sand and stares up at the darkening sky, dreading going back up to the house. Dreading having to look Tally and Abigail in the face because she still feels like she failed them somehow.

But the sun is setting and if she doesn’t go back, they’ll come looking for her. There’s nothing that would make her feel worse than them worrying any more than they already do, so she drags herself back up, prepares for Abigail’s concerned looks and Tally’s warm hugs.

xx

What she finds instead is Scylla, standing in the kitchen with Tally and Abigail.

Time freezes and Raelle forgets how to be.

She doesn’t know if she should turn around and walk back into the dark or fall to her knees and beg for forgiveness or just go upstairs to let herself lose it in the silence of her own room.

So she kinda just… stands there, in the archway leading to the kitchen, staring with her mouth slightly open.

Scylla’s painted in bruises, but she looks considerably better than when they first got here. There’s purple flowering across her left cheek, bruises dotting her arms, a red smudge in the corner of her eye where blood vessels had been broken.

It’s stupid that she wishes she was the one who helped heal Scylla.

Abigail and Tally share this look that Raelle only passingly notices before they start cleaning up.

She’s not sure how long she stands there for, but Abigail gives her a supportive smile and shoulder pat as she brushes past her to leave the room, quickly followed by Tally who gives Scylla a kind nod before hugging Raelle and leaving the room as well.

Abandoning Raelle to stand in silence with Scylla, who’s watching her quietly.

She hates that she can’t read what Scylla’s feeling.

It’s enough to make Raelle start to turn and leave the room, choosing flight over fight.

But then Scylla’s voice, hoarse from disuse, cuts through the silence.

“Please stay.”

Who is Raelle to say no after all she’s done?

She stands, awkwardly, rooted to the ground. Feels like her feet are glued to the floor so that she can’t move forwards or backwards. Stuck in a limbo that she’s made herself.

It feels like there are a million miles that stretch between them, cavernous and dangerous— too full of hazards and history to tread.

But then Scylla smiles.

Smiles like Raelle hadn’t tortured her until she was an inch away from death.

Smiles like her face doesn’t ache from the bruises that Raelle put there.

Smiles like forgiveness comes easy and love comes easier.

And Raelle breaks.

She covers a million miles in two large steps and falls into Scylla’s waiting arms.

It feels like a dam has burst inside her chest and she can’t stop the tears or sobs that wrack her body. It’s the first time she’s let herself cry since Tally and Abigail pulled them from the Spree safehouse.

Scylla feels solid against her. Solid, warm, and safe. The resulting flood of pure relief in Raelle only makes her sob harder.

Her hands are shaking too bad to even hold onto Scylla properly, so she settles for pressing her palms into Scylla’s back. For a moment she thinks Scylla might slip through her fingers like sand, but she doesn’t.

She clings onto Raelle just as hard, one hand threaded into her hair and the other stroking down her back in calming passes, pressing kisses to the side of Raelle’s head.

They stay like that for a long time— long enough that Tally eventually slips back into the kitchen with a bag of newly-attained groceries and a sheepish smile.

Abigail is less apologetic with her intrusion when she delivers a heavy pat on Raelle back and announces, “Okay, enough of this. Help us make dinner.”

xx

Progress is slow. It turns out recovery’s not easy; healing’s not easy.

Raelle’s hands shake more often than not and when she finally does sleep, her dreams are often nightmares.

Nightmares of being stuck in her own body while she does dreadful things against her own will and control. Nightmares where reality isn’t real and her friends are dead and Scylla is her enemy.

She wakes up with the memory of a headache pushing against her skull.

A couple days later, she sees Scylla flinch when Abigail quickly raises her arm to throw something towards the trashcan from across the kitchen. The resulting wave of remorse is enough to crush her.

They don’t speak about what happened; Raelle doesn’t know where to start.

She’s getting ready to go down to the beach when Tally breezes past her with nothing more than a, “baby steps are better than standing still.”

It’s said without judgement, just a kind smile.

But Raelle still feels slighted because how could Tally possibly know where to begin when she’s not the one who has to live with the shaking hands and nightmares and the horrible pain of remembering?

The idea seems less difficult when Scylla sits by her in the sand, though.

Raelle had been sitting there on her own when Scylla wandered up and plopped down neatly beside her without a word.

Now the other girl is just laying down in the warm sand, staring up at the cloudy sky, fingers burying themselves in the sand and staying there.

It takes Raelle a laughable amount of time and digging her fingers into the sand to finally break through the mental wall to stay still and turn to look at Scylla.

“I’m sorry.”

She’s staring straight ahead at the ocean, avoiding looking at Scylla when she hears a small laugh.

“I forgive you.”

Raelle only turns because she can tell Scylla is smiling. She looks down at Scylla and the other girl just smiles back, soft and tender and honest.

“We all have things we regret doing.” Her shrug is awkward, pushing sand up by he neck like little dunes. “You don’t have to carry yours around like the weight of the world.”

“But I hurt you. I almost killed…” How pathetic is it that she can’t finish that thought.

Scylla’s hand unearths itself from the sand to inch towards Raelle’s, gently brushes her pinky against Raelle’s wrist.

“But you didn’t. And it wasn’t you. Not the real you, anyway.”

“I hurt you.” She’s a broken record, but she can’t get it out of her head.

“Do you regret it?”

Raelle looks at Scylla like she has two heads, says nothing because of course she does.

Scylla sits up, brushing sand from her loose-fitting white shirt and just smiles again.

“Then I forgive you.” Scylla says, easy as pie. “Because I love you.”

There’s silence between them, but the crashing of the waves is heavy on the shore and Raelle pulls her eyes away from Scylla’s just to see the water smooth the sand over.

When she looks back to Scylla, her eyes are gentle and bluer than the sky and the ocean combined. Tinged with honesty, hope, and affection.

Raelle feels herself take the first step when her hand reaches for Scylla’s on its own—threads their fingers together despite the grains of sand stuck their skin.

“I love you too.”

Scylla smile blossoms into a wide grin and Raelle feels her heart ache for a completely different reason.

“Thank you.” Raelle says, letting herself breathe for the first time in weeks. 

They stay in the sand until the heat fades, the sun sets, and Abigail comes to drag them back indoors for dinner.

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Egg Meeting 3/14/2021

Alastor visits Valera on Okkylk to “meet” an egg! An egg which hasn’t been laid yet, but like, it buzzes in magic static that Radio Demons can detect, so it’s still an interesting thing to meet if you’re an Alastor.

Alastor and Valera spend way too much time talking about the weird magical interdimensional tricks that Valera’s species can do because at one point Valera went “Alastor mentioned some of his occult experiences and I have decided I will be polite and NOT ask him about them” while Alastor went “Valera mentioned some of their occult experiences and they’re absolutely fascinating so I’m going to crack open my little grimoire and ASK A HUNDRED QUESTIONS and TAKE LOTS OF NOTES.”

He also somehow finagles himself into maybe being a fake-uncle, making the short list for a hypothetical godparent position, and definitely being the official Nightmare PTA Representative at any future school functions.

They also ended up following up on this conversation and it was awful and nobody enjoyed it.

(Starts as semi-OOC chatter and then segues into fully IC)

Alastor

SHOW HIM HIS FUTURE FAUX-NIBLING

Valera

He can meet Eelizzy the spectacular staticy egg

dazzler of, as of now, 100% of the people who've met this literal fetus in an egg in someone's goddamn stomach

Alastor

It’s definitely a lot louder than he generally expects eggs to be. Not, like, *audibly* loud. But still loud.

Valera

it is the sensation of like. those old tvs. the kind of fuzzy when you run your hands in the air right over the glass

Alastor

That’s a good stim

Valera

It's a GOOD STIM and now Val has just accepted that people are going to want to skim their hands over her stomach every time Egg goes brrrr

Alastor

He only does it for a couple of seconds before he’s like what the *fuck* am I doing that is somebody’s belly and stops himself and apologizes, how very rude of him

(But once the egg is laid all bets are off)

Valera

That egg is gonna get so much touching.

Alastor

Everyone with their hands over this egg like it’s the dead of winter and the egg is the only fireplace for miles

Valera

If eelizzy didn't want that she should have thought about it before she decided to be a stim

Egg buzzes rhythmically to music, and the lil beanie baby of A Child inside will kinda wiggle to the beat, which right now Val feels as a vague shifting of weight.

This thing has been exposed to music since it was conceived, it's too late for her

Alastor

Alastor will absolutely play some music for this egg to hear it buzz along

He’s like “You know my mother told me that when she was carrying me, a ghost would come to her and sing for me! She stopped hearing him when I was born. I don’t think I buzzed, though.” And then goes back to playing music like this is a totally normal fact to share out of the blue.

Valera

That's a very normal and not at all weird thing to tell someone. Yep. Fun little factoid to share with a friend.

Val just has to accept this as a new thing they know!!! "Well, hopefully I won't stop hearing you when Elizzy is born! I'm not too bad at charades, but it *would* complicate things."

Alastor

“Well, you could hear me just fine before then, so it’s probably fine!

Valera

Alastor sure had a WEIRD LIFE and Val is NOT SURE what to make of the snippets they heard. Humans aren't usually so Aware

Alastor

:) a special boy

Valera

On one hand, they almost want to *congratulate* him, on the other, did he get robbed of a normal childhood??? Should they offer condolences??? Help.

Alastor

:) :)

Valera

It worked out for him at least but at what cost....

Val doesn't actually know anything about his home life growing up! Like did he have a dad in the picture? Match and Leal didn't, but This guy has Surprised Her Before

Alastor

:) :) :)

Does Val ask or just Wonder?

Valera

They're still anxious about Alastor getting the wrong idea from them asking questions so they would Not ask.

They kept scwunching at the rehearsal because Leal was sitting with their main body patting them and singing in french to Soothe Their Dumb Ass

Alastor

So he just shares a weird-ass anecdote and then they marinate in the moment. Delightfully awkward

Valera

YEP

A little quip and then several seconds of dead air while Val goes on a face journey.

valera, wildly overthinking the second she doesn't have someone literally or figuratively holding her hand through a Social Interaction With Someone She Is Unsure Of Boundaries With

alastor: I was a haunted baby.

val: ..................... cool

Alastor

Alastor: and now I’m haunting YOUR baby! Haha isn’t that fun

Valera

Valera: A proud and noble tradition of baby haunting. Can't wait to see who she decides to haunt later in life.

Alastor

Alastor: ......... Do Veci have ghosts when they die?

He doesn’t know how Veci work, just that afterlives are something that happens to other people

Valera

Val: Nope, when we die for good our gods destroy our souls and recycle them. Unless you're an Autocrat, then you're turned into one of their little puppets used to enact their divine will and guide the next Autocrat. She'll have to find a mortal soul to haunt as a spirit.

Veci who die get put into the soul blender to get recycled for fresh soul meat

Alastor

Alastor: Pity. Environmentally friendly, I suppose.

Alastor: We just get thrown in the landfill and once a year a bunch of us get scooped into the trash compactor.

Valera

val: It's efficient! Kinda gross though, being made of the ground meat of souls. At least I get to look forward to a continued existence as some fucked up angel analog when someone makes me bite it someday. Wonder if I'll still recognize my kids?

Pat pat belly.

Alastor

Alastor: Can you ask your puppet predecessor?

Valera

val: I could try! He did have a daughter who's still alive, maybe if I made him manifest around her I'd get a reaction.

Alastor

Alastor: For her sake, I hope he does! Can’t imagine how awful it’d be if he didn’t! Although I don’t know how close you folks are to your ancestors. Even on Earth it varies.

Valera

val: Oh, very close! There are rooms in the Reppetto Compound still left exactly as the old owners left them when they died *hundreds* of years ago. There's never been a reason to clear them out, so we don't. I visit them occasionally, pay my respects. That's just the Veci though, I think the other species are much more practical.

Alastor

Alastor: ... And yet most of your ancestors get... “recycled.” They’re no longer around to visit the rooms left for them. That *is* a pity.

Alastor: Do Veci ever recognize shreds of their loved ones in their reincarnations?

Valera

val: Yes! It isn't unheard of for lovers to find each other again through old fragments, or a son to find that his child tugs at his soul to remind him of a dearly departed mother. Plenty of people recognize parts of me, some more strongly than others. Shreds tend to find their way back to their families. Sons, daughters, if you've experienced a loss you may find some glimmer of that person again in a generation or two.

Alastor

Alastor: Hm. Not quite gone forever, then. That’s good—the alternative is just too depressing, isn’t it!

Valera

val: Indeed! Full on reincarnation has even happened a few times, though the odds are, obviously, *incredibly* slim. We did have one guy though, who got reincarnated *three times in a row*. He's still alive, I've met him. Absolutely off the shits, never met someone less sane.

Alastor

Alastor: Hah! Is madness a prerequisite or side-effect to full blown reincarnation?

Valera

val: A side effect, I imagine! That would probably mean remembering getting your essence shredded and then falling back together. He likes to say he's "all there but the mind". What about you though? Was your culture close to your ancestors?

Alastor

Alastor: One side closer than the other. Some humans reincarnate, I’m given to understand, but where I’m from once you’re ejected from your body you tend not to get a replacement. Some stick around, most move on to one afterlife or another—and at that point you mainly reach them through long-distance calls, spiritually speaking. They’re still *there,* but... not on the same *level* that we are.

Alastor: It’s a trade off, I suppose—no reincarnation means no way to see them in the flesh again, but on the other hand they’re always *themselves*—they never become somebody different.

Valera

val: That.. Is very alien, to me. But I don't dislike the concept. Preserved in time, an individual forever, able to be reached but not touched. I guess, for us, since we live such a long time... We get a lot of time with people. By the time they leave us, they've usually said all they'd ever want to. If they pop up again it's just a nice surprise.

Alastor

Alastor: We seem to only get enough time to figure out what we're doing and pass on a fraction of our tricks to the next generation or two, and then we're gone and our descendants have to bumble around just like we did! Maybe we need ghosts more.

Valera

val: Sounds like you need more haunted babies to me, Alastor.

Alastor

Alastor: Why, are there any others around for me to haunt?

Alastor: anyway, I wouldn't make a very good ancestor, considering my distinct lack of descendants.

Valera

val: Just pick a baby and declare yourself part of their life! Step-Ancestor them before they can blink!

val: In all seriousness, Leal's already conceded the title of uncle to you despite you not even asking for it, I think you can figure something out.

Alastor

Alastor: I— Has he?

Alastor: Well—I was about to get all presumptuous and commandeer it myself, but—er. Good. Thank you. Him.

Valera

Val: He has indeed. As he puts it, you were here first, and you're Penny's best friend so *obviously* the role of honorary uncle should be yours. If sinners did godparents, I'm sure he'd ask you to be hers. Or I assume as much!

Alastor

Alastor: ... oh. Well. I'd hoped, actually...

Awkward shuffle.

Alastor: ... I mean, a child can have more than one uncle.

Valera

val: What had you hoped, Alastor? I won't laugh or anything, I just need you to be clear with me.

Alastor

Alastor: ... to be that.

Valera

val: What, to be an uncle? Or a godparent?

Alastor

Alastor: I'm not picky about the term. Someone close enough to matter. Uncle, probably, I suppose. I don't know what a damned sinner would do as a godparent—but I wouldn't turn it down.

Valera

A thoughtful look.

val: I'd love to have you be an important part of my child's life, Alastor. Though, from what I *understand* of modern human customs, a non-religious godparent usually just means that if the parents die, the godparent steps in to either raise the kid or find them a home that would raise them the way the parents would want. Largely symbolic, but important nonetheless.

Alastor

Alastor: It's hard to be non-religious within a religious afterlife. But—just for the record, if anything happened to you two and you *didn't* have a plan in place, I'd probably be charging in to do that myself anyway. I'm not about to leave that child in the hands of somebody who's going to be halfhearted about it.

Valera

Val: Well there you go! Already ready to do your job, and you haven't even been handed the paperwork or negotiated a salary.

Alastor

Alastor: IS there paperwork?

He's giving a Skeptical Look

Valera

Val: What, you think they'd hand over an orphan child to any guy who showed up claiming to be a family friend? They like seeing some documents saying "if I die this guy is who I want protecting my kids while they're vulnerable".

Alastor

Alastor: ... All right, fair enough! I was just going to kidnap her and flee into the night, but I suppose a paper or two would keep law enforcement off my back.

Valera

Val: I'm flattered that you'd get in trouble with the interdimensional magic fish police for Eelizzy's sake, but let's spare everyone the hassle. I'll talk to Penny, see if he wants to do the godparents thing at all, but I know what name I'd be floating.

Alastor

Alastor: Well—that's fine, then. Thank you. It's an honor to be considered either way.

He's all self-conscious now, look at this awkward man

Valera

Val: Of course! And at the VERY least I want you to be close to her when she hatches. Good old _Uncle Alastor_ to spoil her when Penny and I are busy.

Look what happens when you actually tell Valera what you want. Blurses. Blessings and curses.

Alastor

Look at him he's got heart eyes

Alastor: Fortunately, I'm an expert at spoiling other people's children! Don't you worry, I'll be loading her up with penny candy and letting her get in all the trouble she wants. Maybe even nickel candy if I'm feeling generous.

Valera

Val: How generous! And speaking of candy, that reminds me. I visited New Orleans recently on business and picked up a few treats while I was there. Do you want some roman candy? I know you don't have a sweet tooth, but it seems like something one should offer regardless.

Alastor

Alastor: ... They're still making that? Is it the real deal or did the family sell the franchise to some big candy company?

Valera

Val: I bought it from the same old wagon as always, so I believe it's authentic! Wax paper and all!

Alastor

Alastor: Well... sure, I'll have some. Doubt I have the right teeth for taffy anymore, but...

Valera

Val: You'll muddle through somehow, I'm sure. What flavor does it for you, chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry?

She will whip out a few familiar looking wax paper rolled tubes to offer him. Crinkly!

Alastor

Takes a strawberry one!!

Valera

Val: I'll be sure to let you be the first one to take her to buy this _particular_ candy, when she's old enough to actually enjoy taffy.

Alastor

Give him a second, he managed to bite off a bit and now he's doing the whole dog-with-peanut-butter routine

Valera

Oh no, that's funny. She is LOOKING and SNICKERING at this man. Who knew the secret to silencing the radio demon was _chewy food?_

Alastor

Alastor: ... You know I don't remember this stuff being so hazardous.

He was expecting a RUSH OF NOSTALGIA but then he was like oh right I didn't eat this stuff more than like twice when I was alive, I just saw at the cart.

Valera

The wax paper is more nostalgic than the candy, understandable.

Val: Not having good molars does that, I only ate the stuff the one time to experience it. I like the paper though, it's a very unique experience.

Alastor

HOLD ON LET HIM GET THE LAST OF IT OUT OF HIS MOUTH, he thinks he'll attempt to eat the rest later.

Alastor: We'll see when she's old enough to attempt to eat these things, but—I don't see much point in holding off on letting her try taffy just for ME to do the honors. Seems like a very little thing to make a whole trip for.

Valera

Val: Okkylk doesn't really have much in the way of taffy, I doubt it would come up.. and it would be funny to see her suddenly be faced with a chewy candy to struggle against. This is _guaranteed_ entrainment.

Alastor

Alastor: Hah! I like your parenting philosophy. All the same—no need to wait on me to go get the taffy. I'm sure you'll have more opportunities to pick some up than I will.

Valera

Val: Nothing wrong with a little light torment, she gets candy out of it! Builds character! But yes yes, I get the picture. We'll see how it shakes out, play it by ear.

Alastor

Alastor: As long as she's being duly compensated for providing entertainment! :)

Valera

Val: Of course! She's still my _daughter_, if anything actually upset her that would be a whole different story. Penny would be _inconsolable._

She would also be inconsolable but let's ignore the wibbly sad eyes Val gets at the very thought

Alastor

Alastor: I'm sure we'd be taking turns supporting him through the grief. One person alone wouldn't be able to support that weight.

He's got no doubt Valera would be duly distressed but somehow, somehow he feels like Sir Pentious would be more dramatic about it. Just a hunch.

Valera

There is a distinct possibility that one of the parents may be A HAIR more dramatic, and it MIGHT not be the one with a degree in musical theater. Possibly.

Val: It's true, he's pretty heavy. Like a weighted blanket of emotion.

Alastor

HUFF.

Alastor: I’m going to be thinking of that the next time he flops on top of me.

Valera

Val: Good, you can share my curse. Every Pentious is full of emotion, genius, and, honestly, horny.

Alastor

Opens mouth. Shuts it. Opens it. Shrugs and makes noncommittal radio noises.

Alastor: ... Frankly I don’t know what a normal quantity of horny is.

Valera

Val: I did research, but I don't know how sound it is. We're outsiders trying to look in to a very strange world.

Alastor

Vaguely nods, yeah, that’s true

Alastor: ... What’s the research say?

Valera

Val: Once a week seems like normal horny, in a relationship? A heightened few weeks or months of activity at the start before it levels out seems normal too.

Alastor

Alastor: Weekly?? For the same activity? That’s not as bad as I’d thought, but doesn’t that get boring?

Alastor: ... No, okay, I could schedule a weekly dinner date and never get tired of it, I’ve got no room to talk.

Valera

Val: I was going to say! I do all kinds of stuff on a weekly basis without it getting dull. Plus it does wonders for relieving tension, which I can appreciate from a medical standpoint.

Alastor

SKEPTICAL LOOK

Alastor: You find it RELAXING?

Valera

Val: Well sure! It's only nerve wracking if you aren't at ease, and after almost an entire _year,_ Penny and I have figured out what we like. Plus.. Neither of us sweat, there's no cleanup to worry about, and after the fact the brain gets flooded with feel good chemicals.

Alastor

Alastor: Oh, right, the feel good chemicals, right.

Valera

Val: Not familiar with them, Alastor?

Alastor

Alastor: ......... We’re passingly acquainted

Alastor struggling to figure out how to answer without Discussing Specific Sex Acts

Valera

The STRUGGLE.

Val: Only passingly, interesting. Well, you get a lot more of them with a partner, suffice to say.

Alastor

He's just 8)

Alastor: I would prefer not to!

Valera

Val: You don't have to! I'm telling you why the allosexuals like it so much. Or why I assume they do.

Sex talk with two aces this can only go well!!

Alastor

It sounded like Valera was speaking from a little more than secondhand experience there for a bit but you know what? Alastor isn’t going to ask for clarification. It’s fine. Doesn’t need to know.

Alastor: ... To be quite frank, I prefer far less to be a co-star and more to be a fluffer. I’m sure that’s going to disappoint him sooner or later, but...

Valera

What? The visibly pregnant fish might have firsthand knowledge about sex? Perish the thought.

Alastor

You never know. Mary made it work.

Valera

Immaculate conception of her husband's child, sell that story to the news!

Val: I'm sure you two discussed that before getting together, no?

Alastor

Alastor: ... *As* we were getting together, yes.

Valera

Val: Well then! He knows what he signed up for, and unless he says it's a problem, it shouldn't be treated like one.

Dismissive little hand wave.

Alastor

Alastor: Yes, yes. I don’t intend to treat it like one. Just... making conversation about the whole ‘get more with a partner’ concept.

A similarly dismissive little gesture.

Valera

Val: Ah! Yes, I see, that was perhaps too blanket a statement. Well, he has his other partner, I assume?

Alastor

Alastor: I assume. He hasn’t talked about their sex life. None of my business, I’m sure.

Valera

Wiggly hand gesture.

Val: Yes and no. You ARE his partner.

Val: I tell Penny what Leal and I get up to.

Alastor

Alastor: But do you tell my alternate about how often you have sex with Sir Pentious?

Valera

Val: If he asks! Which he doesn't, really, but we did talk about the finer points of eating pussy.

Alastor

RAISED EYEBROW.

Alastor: ... I don’t think the man I’ve been dating for under a month owes me the details of a near stranger’s sex life. I’ve only met his other partner a couple of times, what business is it of mine what she gets up to?

Alastor: I wouldn’t mind knowing what HE gets up to, but sex is a group sport.

Valera

Val: It isn't like he owes you her life story in hardback, but a frank discussion isn't going to breach confidentiality.

Val: Dating someone who is dating someone else means you're entitled to know what you're consenting to, Alastor.

Alastor

Alastor: I’ve already consented to be with a man who’s probably sleeping with someone else, I can’t think of anything else they could be getting up to that would possibly affect me.

Alastor: Unless their bedroom activities happen to include calling up all my worst enemies and telling them everything they know about me—but if it did, I doubt he’d admit so if I asked about it, would he?

Valera

Her turn to raise an eyebrow.

Alastor

Alastor: ... I don’t think they ARE, I’m trying to think of the most out-there hypothetical possibility.

Valera

Val: Good, I was about to be worried. But really, if those are the boundaries you're comfortable with, that's fine. But I don't think you'd be out of line to ask for more information. Either you'll learn, or he'll tell you it isn't something he wants to discuss.

Alastor

Alastor: Honestly, it... doesn’t cross my mind.

Man has no object permanence when it comes to sex

Valera

Val: Dare I say it, mood. But really, if that's how you like it, good for you, keep on keeping on.

Alastor

Alastor: I intend to!

Unless Telly doesn’t like it, but they’ll cross that bridge when they reach it.

Valera

Val: Then there's no issue, I hope!

Alastor

Alastor: One hopes! ... How did we get on this?

Valera

Val: I... Think it started when I called Pentious horny? And then you got worried about not being an active enough participant?

Alastor

Alastor: Oh, yes, right! But worried, no. Just a passing thought.

Valera

Val: Well, based on my knowledge, as long as the partner gets off they don't often care about the methods.

Shrug! Don't ask where the knowledge came from.

Alastor

Alastor: Ha! If it was that easy, I doubt so many people would be so distressed when the have to make do with their own hands!

Valera

Val: Did you know there's an entire subset of men that intentionally make their hands fall asleep so they can pretend someone else is getting them off?

Alastor

Alastor: You know, it just so happens I did. And I do not understand the appeal. It combines all the worst parts of getting your mouth numbed for a dental procedure with something half-dead and dangerously uncoordinated fumbling with your delicate bits.

Valera

WHEEZE... Oh that caught her off guard, give her a second to collect herself.

Alastor

He’ll wait. Smugly basking in his comedic genius.

Valera

Val: You said it yourself, sex is a group activity for a lot of people. Lonely people want someone else to make them feel good.

Alastor

Alastor: But if that’s all it takes, then why for so many people is a hand inferior to a mouth, and a mouth inferior to a more intimate part? No, I’m sure that there’s more to it than simply a desire for company when cleaning one’s pipes. The methods don’t trump the company, but they do matter.

Valera

Val: I could say more, but then I'd have to start talking about my own _alleged_ experiences.

Alastor

Alastor: ... Is the answer going to be something to the effect of “that particular bit of anatomy feels nicer against one’s equipment than other bits of anatomy?”

Valera

Val: Kind of. I'm sure some people prefer various bits, and they certainly feel _different._ I wouldn't say better though, just on physical contact alone.

Alastor

Alastor: ..."Kind of"?

You know what they say about cats and curiosity

Valera

Val: Yes, kind of. A hand can do things a mouth can't, and vice versa.

Alastor

Alastor: All right! That’s more or less where I thought you were going with that.

Valera

Val: Yes! Though there's a lot to be said for the varying degrees of intimacy.

Alastor

Alastor: I’m sure there is! No doubt there’s something special about the moment you finally get to show your loved one the parts of yourself you previously only shared with your toilet. ... So sorry, I don’t mean to be *dismissive* of the whole thing—I can just never quite get over that association, you know?

Valera

Val: Oh, no, I agree _completely._ Not that I'd tell that to Penny, of course. That would be cruel. But if my husband wants to mutually stimulate nerve endings a few times a week I'm happy to make him happy.

Alastor

SNORT. Mutually stimulate nerve endings.

Alastor: Well, what couples are equally interested in ALL their hobbies?

Valera

Val: None, unless it's two alternates of the same person, I guess!

Alastor

Alastor: Oh, you’d be surprised.

Valera

Val: Oh?? That sounds ominous. You know something I don't?

Alastor

Alastor: I know a lot of my own alternates, primarily!

Valera

Val: Yes, and I suppose even they have varying levels of interest in things?

Alastor

Alastor: Wildly varying! Why, sometimes you can meet yourself and wonder where you have anything in common at all! It’s fascinating, really.

Valera

Val: Goodness, that DOES sound fascinating. I can't imagine.. There's only one me, the idea of a me who isn't like me at all is just bizarre!

Alastor

Alastor: Only one? Or only one that you’ve found so far?

Valera

Val: By virtue of what I am, the only one! Unless something goes VERY Wrong.

Alastor

Alastor: Really! Do elaborate?

Valera

Val: I'm a singularity! There is one me, just in a lot of places!

Alastor

Slow blink.

Alastor: ... Like a god?

Valera

Val: Is... Is that a god thing?

Squint.

Alastor

Alastor: I don’t know many other things that can be in multiple places at once and yet remain an undivided entity with a singular source. Either a god or a radio signal—and signals can get distorted.

Valera

Val: ..... I'd rather be a radio signal than a god, honestly, but. Yeah, I guess? I didn't think it was so uncommon!

Alastor

Alastor: I’ve seen people so rare that even when they go looking, they can only find themselves in one universe—but that’s usually a trick of the universe itself, some little chain of cause-and-effect that only worked out once! Move a dimension to the left and their parents never met, move a dimension to the right and their grandmother died in infancy, and so on. But what *you’re* talking about—one person with a simultaneous singular presence in many realities? That sounds to me like something operating a step higher than your run-of-the-mill monodimensional mortals.

Valera

Val: I could turn on the TV right now and show you what the me in another reality is doing right now, I'm fully aware of myself. Are you saying you _don't_ have that?

_When you are suddenly hit over the head with the fact that you're actually an outlier and not the standard_

Alastor

Alastor: If I want to know what another me is doing, I have to call him up and ask! And sometimes I’ll find out he’s been hearing salacious details about my best friend’s oral skills. I can assure you I wasn’t fully aware of THAT, hah! I’ve heard of people with psychic sensitivities to their alternate selves—a sudden sense of disembodied alarm when something goes wrong elsewhere, emotions without a source, that sort of thing—but that particular sensitivity doesn’t come naturally to me. As far as psychic abilities go, I’d say that one in particular is notably rare.

Valera

Blink.

Val: Oh. Uh. Well. All of my species is like this. _All_ of us are singular individuals.

Alastor

Alastor: ARE you singular individuals? Or do you have alternates just like any other species, but because all of your alternates are... psychically linked, as it were, your thoughts are so inextricably intermingled that the whole lot of you consider yourself one person with one identity?

Valera

Val: At that point, what's the difference?

Alastor

Alastor: It’s the difference between a radio transmitter broadcasting the same song to a dozen different radio receivers, versus a dozen individual radio transceivers that play the same songs because they’re directly broadcasting to each other. Is it one singular thing that’s being witnessed in many places, or is it many separate things that have synchronized and homogenized with each other? In day-to-day life the difference might not matter; but philosophically, spiritually, magically, I think it all makes a great difference!

Valera

Val: Fair enough! But I still believe it's the former. The me you see now is the me that all the information goes back to. We've never cared enough to investigate it in depth.

Alastor

Alastor: ... Do you mean information *doesn’t* go back to the other versions of you?

He’s fascinated, he’s taking mental notes, he’s going all metaphysical occultist on this.

Valera

Val: Of course it does, if I don't intentionally restrict it, which is not something I'd be inclined to do. I'm simply aware of them the way you are aware of your arm.

Alastor

Alastor: So all versions of you get all the information from all versions of you.

Valera

Val: Yes! Unless I'm playing one of my games. Sometimes I'll make myself think I'm a normal mortal for a while. It's fun!

Alastor

Alastor: ......... Let’s unpack that a little.

Valera

Val: Sure! Where do we start?

Alastor

Alastor: Your “games”?

Valera

Val: Yes! A lot of Veci do it as they get older. They'll go to a universe and have one of themselves live a very normal mortal life, unaware of what they actually are.

Val: It's a fascinating perspective.

Alastor

Alastor: So, you cut off one version of yourself from the hive mind. And this version, I take it, then forgets for the duration of the game that they were once a part of a hive mind? Their memories only consist of what they experienced in their own home universe, and anything that they thought or did due to the influence of their other selves, they... what, make up a new false memory to explain away, something like that? And they aren’t receiving information, but they’re still sending out information for the rest of you to receive?

Valera

Val: Yes! Exactly so. A one way broadcast back to home base.

Alastor

Alastor: Huh! What about the people around the game piece who know they ought to be connected to other dimensions—or do you disguise yourself and drop yourself on some alien planet before you start the game?

Valera

Val: The latter! It's no fun if other people know things you don't, they could ruin the game for you. Unless you're going somewhere dangerous, then a lot of people will ask someone to send in an aware variant of themselves to help keep them in the game longer. Istoph does that for me in some places!

Alastor

Alastor: Does your game piece go in cold, wandering around like an amnesiac? Or are they given some sort of... of false set of memories, to blend in with the locals?

Valera

Val: Depends which is more interesting. Usually the latter, unless I can think of a reason that an amnesia story would work better.

Alastor

Alastor: And when does the game end? Death? Discovery? Is there a way for your game piece to "win" or is the game only supposed to be watched?

Valera

Val: It's usually for a set amount of time! A year or two, a decade at most. I don't let them Reproduce or anything, I don't want to go sowing any wild oats. That's how you get overly sensitive humans half the damn time.

A shake of her head.

Alastor

Alastor: ... Yes, that *would* do it.

Valera

Val: ... I don't.. I don't mean to imply _you_ were a result of that or anything. There is more than one way that could happen.

Alastor

Although he doesn't much like the thought that someone somewhere could use that information to dismiss particularly psychic humans as partially inhuman.

Alastor: I should hope I wasn't! I come from a long line of magically gifted people—we don't need the outside help!

Valera

Val: Hah! I know, I could practically smell it on you. If I turned you loose on Okkylk you'd get swarmed.

Alastor

Alastor: ... Swarmed like a dog in heat, or swarmed like a bleeder amidst sharks?

Valera

Val: .... Considering how violent Veci are in the act, uh. Both.

Alastor

A slow, slow nod.

Alastor: ... To steal my traits.

Valera

FACE JOURNEY

Val: I take it he told you about that one, eh? Not his finest moment

Alastor

Alastor: It will be my most carefully-guarded secret. ... But you knew about it already, so.

Valera

Val: To be fair, it's hilarious. I was minding my own business and then the guy I just started dating calls me to accuse me of stealing his traits like some kind of succubus.

Alastor

Alastor: ... I think succubi reproduce with humans because it’s easier, rather than because they want human traits. But don’t quote me on that, I don’t talk to many succubi.

Valera

Val: Neither do I, honestly. Plus, come on. Really? I could have just seduced him, I'm the one that insisted on a relationship.

Alastor

Alastor: Well, how many traits did you *want?* It could take a while!

Valera

Val: Oh yes, of course. If I'm going to get traits I may as well get a full set out of him! However many that is!

Alastor

Alastor: Only one way to find out!

Valera

Val: You're just saying that so you can flex on your alts with all the kids who'd call you uncle.

Alastor

Alastor: I’m willing to share unclehood with as many of my alternates who care to claim it!

Hand over heart, how magnanimous.

Alastor: ... So, are you only pregnant in this universe or all of them?

Valera

Val: Only this one. This is the only body that's gotten plowed by anyone and that's how I'm keeping it.

Snrk.

Alastor

Alastor: Then which universe any given Veci has... copies, facets, whatever—of themself in will vary wildly, depending on whether or not their parents happened to have synchronized date nights across those universes? I suppose it would be *easier* to synchronize up, if every version of you is connected—just like a whole line of dancers doing the can-can together—but what if one body sneezes and an egg doesn’t get filled, does that Veci just have one less version of themself than everyone else? Will Eelizzy have no other selves across the universe?

Valera

val: ..Do you think I'm going to sneeze too hard and shoot this egg across the-- Nevermind. Veci children aren't stable enough to exist in multiple realities, they have to grow up and get more control of their magic before they can manifest across realms.

Alastor

Eyebrows shoot up.

Alastor: No, I was talking about the conception, splash one or two drops the other way and... never mind, that’s the boring part! You’re telling me you start off as one singular entity in a singular universe—and *then* you split off into separate versions of yourself... deliberately?

Valera

Val: Well of course! There's only one Pelagios right now, he won't split off until he's fifteen for his first practice run, and then in earnest in his twenties. Rite of passage and all that!

Alastor

AMAZED BLINK. And then he’s opening a portal and hauling out his grimoire, ‘scuse him, don’t mind him.

Valera

She watches, slow blinking. What, did THAT catch his attention?

Alastor

Alastor: I should have been taking notes all along—I apologize, I do believe you were right, you *are* a lone tower transmitting to many receivers—or at the very least you do start off as one tower! How do you split, does it follow the natural branching of timelines—when two paths of history split over somebody’s decision, you just keep conscious contact with the two versions of you formed at that fork? Or do you create your duplicate self and then assign it to some pre-chosen timeline?

Scribble scribble SCRIBBLE scribble.

Valera

Val: The latter at first, I see a reality that interests me and drop in, and then as it progresses, it becomes the former. As the timeline I chose to investigate develops and changes, I follow the branching paths and observe the varying realities. It is *fascinating* stuff. Though sometimes a branch seems doomed, in which case I'll usually withdraw and send that variant elsewhere instead. Start the whole process over.

Alastor

Alastor: So you can pick and choose which path you follow—but you don’t AUTOMATICALLY form another version of yourself, only when you want to? That means that more versions of you AREN’T forming every single time a timeline you’re in branches, correct? But a single timeline can branch countless times, a hundred times an hour—I’m pulling that number out of my you-know, just as an example—if a timeline branches a hundred times an hour, then that means that in ninety-nine percent of all those timelines, a Veci living in it will suddenly... vanish into thin air? Is that right?

Valera

Val: Close enough, which is *generally* why we try to live very lowkey lives. Making new branches of yourself isn't.. *energy consuming* or anything, but you have to be able to process that amount of information. We don't vanish into thin air, but we'll often arrange a swift withdrawal. A sudden move, a staged home invasion, or, in a pinch, just erase ourselves from people's memories. Though that one is imprecise and often leaves lingering traces. Not ideal.

Alastor

Alastor: I imagine it explains an encounter with the fae or two.

Valera

Val: Probably? That's my theory.

Alastor

Alastor: And how often DO timelines branch around you, would you estimate? Are you abandoning thousands of iterations of the same place a day or... Well, I sort of *imagine* that time branches at ridiculously high rates, but I don’t actually know.

Valera

val: Not as often as you think honestly. Obviously it happens, but most people aren't wildly changing reality with every move. The butterfly effect is not as impactful as people believe it is.

Alastor

Alastor gratefully waves away the nightmarish thought of a million sad snakes wondering where his wife went.

Valera

Thoughtful hum....

Val: *You* probably caused a split, back in the day. There's a reality out there where you're dating the Pentious of your Hell. That was a fairly significant moment with pretty obvious impact on the rest of the population.

Alastor

Alastor: I’d always wondered about that! The whole ‘butterfly’ effect thing—particularly considering how often universes seem to CONVERGE on each other. Those of us who have more conventional alternates—it’s *amazing* how often I can talk to myself and think “why, you and I are so similar—our realities must have split no more than ten minutes ago!” and then I find out my other self has completely different parents and a big sister to boot. If two universes that started out in utterly different places can drift back together—

Oh. He stops talking with a noise like a motor dying.

Valera

Slow nod.

Val: It's not like every breakup causes a split in realities. But a drastic choice that results in explosions? Yeah.

Alastor

From 100 to 0 with one sentence.

Valera

Shoulder pat.

Val: It's weird to think about.

Alastor

Alastor: ... I hope he’s doing better.

Valera

Val: ... You're doing better too, Alastor. Better than you were.

Alastor

Alastor: I didn’t mean my alternate.

Valera

Squint.

Val: Your Pentious.

Alastor

Alastor: The one over there isn’t “my” Pentious. ... Sir Pentious. He’s just an alternate of my Sir Pentious, just like the one I’m seeing is an alternate of my Sir Pentious, and the one you’re married to is an alternate of my Sir Pentious. He just branched off a little more recently, that’s all.

Alastor: “My” Sir Pentious will always be the one that I backstabbed.

Valera

Val: He's fine. And *yours* will be okay too. We both know Sir Pentious is stubborn and unstoppable.

Alastor

Alastor: Stubborn, yes. ... We’re going to fix all that, though. So that this never happened.

Alastor: The original plan was to... to wrench the course of this timeline off its current path and onto the path it *would* have had if that decision had been different. But if you think the timeline *already* split there—then it’s not so much a matter of relocating this timeline as it is—just erasing it entirely, so that the other one is the only one left. Right?

Valera

She grimaces. That's a *lot* of people she'd be killing. Erasing from existence. Whatever.

Alastor

She agreed to it once before.

Valera

Val: Yeah, essentially. Not pleasant to think about, but... Yeah. And it's theoretically possible, but. Again. Fifty fifty shot.

Val: I'm... Surprised you'd still want to do it, though. You've got a boyfriend now. What about him?

Alastor

He squeezes his eyes shut and looks pained a second. That’s the same thought that he had. And that he HAS had about a thousand times.

Alastor: This was never about what I want, it was about him. Putting him back on track. Where he deserves to be.

Valera

Val: .... Not to... Okay, you know what, *yes* to be that person. But you want to help one Pentious by hurting another? If you wanted to spare the man you backstabbed, you shouldn't have started dating Telly. You *know* losing you is going to hurt him, *if* it works.

Alastor

Another pained wince.

Alastor: No, you’re right, I shouldn’t have. I didn’t mean to, but I did, and I shouldn’t have. And I knew I shouldn’t have, and... well. Here we are. But I can’t just—just change my mind, not when I have my first chance to make this right!

Valera

Val: I know. I understand. I—I wish I didn't but I *do* and I hate it. And I'm still going to try and help you. If you're sure you want to try. Even though this is. *Awful.* And only going to hurt people. Penny. Telly. Gods only know what will happen if we succeed. If we don't.. You'll hurt him anyway. You know this isn't something you should keep secret from him.

Alastor

And we’ve got a triple pained wince combo!

Alastor: How can I *not?* How can I just—just... happily go about my days, having picnics with one version of him and cuddling up to sleep with another, merrily getting ready for my big Broadway debut, dreaming about infernal conquest like I haven’t been able to dream in half a century—when he’s Hell’s laughingstock because of me?! Everything’s finally coming together for me, but the man I loved first and longest is a joke! How can I live out his dreams with an echo of him? What the Hell gives me the right to let a world like that exist?

Valera

Val: I know we've discussed this before, but. Tell me. Why haven't you tried to make amends? You'll never be friends again, obviously, but surely you could take out some overlords, or anonymously provide supplies... Do some networking, find allies to thrust his way without your name ever crossing his mind?

Frown...

Alastor

Alastor: ... I’ve done a bit. Taken out some of his rivals, that sort of thing.

Valera

Val: That's good! If your major grievance is that you've ruined his life, isn't it right to fix the damage you've caused, even if it's hard?

Alastor

Alastor: And then I heard him whining about how somebody else took down his foes before he had a chance to.

Wan smile.

Valera

.... Somehow, she doesn't look surprised. She just rolls her eyes.

Val: Okay, yeah that sounds like Every Pentious I Know.

Alastor

Smiles a little wider for a second

Alastor: Doesn’t it?

Valera

Val: I love my Penny, truly, but he's a _brat_ and so are his alts. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't, Alastor. Literally.  You might as well be damned handing the man an overlord on a platter. Even if he complains, at least he's getting a chance to rebuild.

Alastor

Alastor: ... I—*hm*—but—It isn’t *right.* It shouldn’t be just, just... He’s had half a century wasted. All that should be gone. Not just made up for after the fact, but—GONE. Shouldn’t it? Throwing him favors after the fact is, it’s... it’s...

Gestures vaguely and throws out meaningless sound effects. You know!!!

Valera

A sympathetic nod.

Val: I know. Erasing it seems like the kindest option, but is it? Would that be what _he'd_ want? To simply undo everything? Or would he want to claw his way back to the top and spit in the face of every overlord who tried to keep him down? You know him better than I do, so this is not rhetorical. It's a genuine question.

Alastor

He’s gotta stop and stare into space while he thinks about that.

Alastor: ... If somebody asked the Sir Pentious of today if he’d want the last century of troubles retroactively wiped away... I don’t know. I don’t know if he’d rather *have* the throne or *earn* the throne. He’s never had any shame about using an unfair advantage, the only reason he was able to conquer half the States was because he was filthy rich for no good reason and he’ll tell you so himself, but... he wouldn’t want somebody else to do his conquering *for* him, but I don’t know if that’s what he’d consider somebody changing history for him. But if I asked the Sir Pentious of ‘66 which route he’d like to go on, the one where he’s got a loyal ally and can get on with the business of conquest or the one where he’s betrayed and has to start at square one just for a fun extra challenge, he’d ask me if I’m crazy and say he’d rather have the first route. No question.

Alastor: ... But he already HAS that route, if you’re right. If it split then. If it *did* split then, then I’m not... I’m not giving the one I know a little mind wipe and transplanting him sideways into a better reality. That reality is already there and populated. I’m just... destroying him. Right?

Valera

Val: Correct. Is that mercy? Is that making amends?

Val: Wouldn't it be better to improve his life, rather than erase him entirely?

She almost reaches for Alastor's hand, but thinks better of it. Fiddle with her necklace it is.

Alastor

Alastor: ... Is there a way to see? If that universe already exists? If it doesn’t then we can proceed as planned.

Valera

Val: Oh, yes of course there is. I could try to find it, put myself in it the way I do any other universe. Would you like me to?

Alastor

Alastor: It could settle things.

Valera

Val: True. Do I have permission to peek under the hood of your reality?

Alastor

Alastor: ... What, right now?? You can just do it on the spot?

Valera

Val: I could, but I'm not going to. I'm _heavily_ pregnant and my baby is liable to start spitting static that could mess with my spells. I'll have to wait until she's tuckered out, play something energetic until the little thing wiggles herself senseless.

She pats her belly affectionately, but with a roll of the eyes.

Alastor

Alastor: Ha! Right. Of course.

... Plays something energetic.

Valera

The egg, predictably, seems very excited about this sudden turn of events and starts throwing hissing nonsense static fuzz into the air with a sensation not unlike static electricity.

Valera raises an eyebrow at Alastor.

Alastor

:)

Valera

Val: Spoiling her already, are we? She's getting big enough to actually feel her moving, you know.

Alastor

Alastor: It was your idea. :) But really? Through the egg and all?

Valera

Val: Yes! Soft shelled eggs are a lot easier to feel through than hard shells, and she is _wiggling_. It's not obvious like a human baby kicking, but there's definitely weight shifting.

Alastor

Alastor: Oh, right—they WERE soft, weren’t they! I was trying to be polite and not look too closely.

Valera

Val: Understandable! Amusingly similar to snake eggs, really. Which means by the time May rolls around I'm going to be strangling any radio demon brave enough to try and get this baby active.

She's grinning, but not in a way that says she's joking.

Alastor

Alastor: You were the one who suggested getting her to wiggle herself senseless, I’m only following your sage advice.

Valera

Val: You're evil. How _dare_ you listen to me. If my daughter wants to learn the trumpet when she's older it's your fault. She's being seduced by _Jazz music_.

Alastor

Alastor: I’m setting her up for a life of vice and villainy, EXACTLY as I’m sure her father would want.

Valera

Val: He'll want her learning the pipe organ and how to cackle maniacally. That classic Romantic ideal of brooding and fits of murderous passion. You'll have her _flashing ankles_ on the dance floor!!

A mock gasp!! Perish the thought!

Alastor

Alastor: All the better to shock and scandalize her enemies, right before eliminating them! If they’re staring at her ankles, they’ll never see her gun.

Valera

Val: Bold, I like it. But you'll have to explain that one to Penny, I can already tell he's going to be one of those dads who fawn over their daughter. Leal too, even if he insists he's not attached.

A VERY dramatic roll of the eyes.

Alastor

Alastor: Ha! Then I can do one better—I’ll get *her* to explain it to Sir Pentious.

Valera

Val: Oh that can _only_ go well. I'm holding you to that one, Alastor.

Alastor

A wink.

Alastor: My alternate can fawn over her—I think instead I’ll conspire with her. I just hope she’s a rascal.

Valera

Val: Well I don't know about _Penny_, but I was a rascal without equal in my youth! I knocked over half the shelves in a library and pinned it on another kid. I'm sure she'll give me as many headaches as I gave my caretakers.

Alastor

Alastor: Never you fear, I'll do my best to make sure she lives up to the precedent you've set!

Valera

Val: I appreciate that, Alastor! I'm sure I'll be much too busy doing boring parent stuff. Not sure what, but it'll catch me. Maybe I'll go to a PTA meeting.

Alastor

Alastor: A... what meeting?

The man hasn't been around children in almost nine decades, he'd forgotten such esoteric acronyms. It sounds like a military thing.

Valera

Val: A PTA meeting! A parent teacher... SOMETHING meeting. I don't know what the A is for.

Alastor

Snaps fingers! Now it’s familiar.

Alastor: Assassination.

Alastor: ... Wait.

Valera

Val: I don't think I'm supposed to assassinate the teachers. Although, if they're doing a bad job...

Kombucha girl face journey.

Val: No. No. It's probably association or something stupid like that.

Alastor

SNAPS FINGERS AGAIN.

Alastor: THAT was it! Association! Pity, “Parent Teacher Assassination” sounded far more fun.

Valera

Val: It DOES sound more fun. Now I'm disappointed.

Alastor

Alastor: Sounds like a fantastic parent-child bonding activity, too!

Valera

Val: Take the teacher with the lowest reviews and hunt them for sport? Sounds like something you'd enjoy.

Alastor

He’s got to pause and think about that for a moment.

Alastor: Who’s reviewing them?

Valera

Val: Not sure. The students, I imagine?

Alastor

Alastor: All right, seems fair! I’m for it!

Valera

Val: Good! You'll be handling the PTA meetings then, that's _one_ less thing for me to worry about.

Snrk snrk. She's kidding. Probably.

Alastor

Alastor: Oh, CAN I? I’ve always wanted to be a problem at school events! An *adult* problem, I mean. I imagine it’s a somewhat different experience from being a student problem.

Valera

Val: What, you want to get saddled with my kid for an evening to go to a school and scare the hell out of the staff?

Alastor

Alastor: Scare them, annoy the hell out of them, say wildly inaccurate things that they’re forced to agree with because they know I’m there on behalf of the autocrat... any of the above, really!

Valera

Val: Well damn! Alright, I'll make sure you go to at least a couple of them. If I send you and one of your alts we can _really_ get a show.

Alastor

Oh look at him he’s ecstatic. This just opened up a whole new world of pranks.

Valera

Val: I've never seen someone so excited about going to a PTA meeting. But hey, who am I to deny you fresh victims? Congratulations on your upcoming career in school harassment.

Alastor

Alastor: Thank you, I eagerly anticipate it!

Valera

Egg probably wore herself out while they were discussing the finer points of PTA sabotage

Alastor

yeah there IS a secondary timeline where Sir Pent and Al are Hell's most feared power couple. Airships are everywhere. Lucifer is going "oh shit the prisoners are unionizing." Alastor and Sir Pent wear matching outfits. They have a kid, where did they get a kid, did they adopt a baby imp or something??? what the fuck

Valera

Oh my god

Val takes one look at that timeline, looks at that Alastor, looks at this one. Looks back. "Well you're a dad in this one." And does not provide context

Alastor

Alastor just. Sits on the floor.

Valera

Well she can't exactly pat his head so they just have to sit there. Timeline confirmed welcome to die

Alastor

"What's their name?"

Valera

"What, the kid? I didn't think to ask. Does it matter?"

Alastor

"Just wondered." He's gotta lay down.

Valera

Guess she's gotta go try to learn the kids name now if Alastor is gonna be a sad floppy man. Feels bad.

Alastor

He was gonna be a sad floppy man regardless.

Valera

It is in the nature of Alastors to be sad and floppy men

Valera

But only under SPECIFIC circumstances

Alastor

Selectively sad and floppy

Valera

"...... Alternate timeline you's kid is named Codie Grace." Alright that is enough telling Alastor things about the future he doesn't have

Alastor

In one universe The Alastor That Didn't Fuck Up is probably giving Valera this c: look like do you get it. do you. do you get it. And in this universe The Fuckup Alastor is squinting at the ceiling and then suddenly goes "WE NAMED OUR KID *COUP DE GRÂCE*?!"

Valera

VAL GETS IT AND SHE ISN'T SURE IF SHE LOVES IT OR HATES IT

But it is VERY like them, the bastards

Alastor

Alastor just covers his face and laughs. It is the laugh of a broken man. Yeah. Yeah that's what he would name a kid, dammit. It's true.

Valera

Poor Fuckup Alastor

Alastor

"... Are they successful, over there? Are they happy?"

Valera

"They wear matching outfits and have airships all over the place so yes and yes."

She's gonna need a broom to pet this man with. There there.

Alastor

Alastor

It's just a high pitched static whine noise. *Matching outfits...*

That's BASICALLY the exact same thing as marriage. You're married when you wear the same outfits.

Valera

What is marriage if not an elaborate excuse to wear matching outfits? Just keep doing it, forever.

Pat. Pat. "And now you know. There's a reality out there where you and your local Pentious are basically married with a kid and have airships over like, half of Hell."

Alastor

He's gonna. Lay there for a second. And process that.

And then sit up and cradle his head in his hands and process that some more.

Valera

Would he like.... Well. Not tea but she can get him some water. Maybe a coffee.

Alastor

Coffee would be nice

Valera

She can do coffee. Does he want any cream or sugar?

Alastor

Black as his soul. Like an edgy hottopic goth kid.

Valera

She'll get him some pourover, let him have a good coffee while his brain wheezes and stalls.

Alastor

He eventually gets himself up in a chair with his coffee. Look at that, he's almost human again. "So there's already a place where it all worked out."

Valera

"That seems to be the case, yes." The power of coffee, clearly. If only sitting upright really fixed your problems.

Alastor

A nod, and then he’s silent again a moment as he processes this. “So there’s—I wouldn’t be helping him. I can’t help him like this.”

Valera

"You cannot. You can't just wave away what you did to him. Not without ruining another Pentious' life."

Alastor

“It’s not just ‘waving away’! Don’t forget that doing this would erase me, too! It’s not *running* from the consequences of my actions, it’s *paying* for them!” He’s gotta hop up and pace. “‘Waving away’ what I did is what I’m doing right NOW—getting to—to move on and be happy like it never happened! How is that fair?!”

Valera

"How is it fair? Good question, let me counter with another." She sips the tea she got for herself, watching him pace. "Have you forgiven yourself?"

Alastor

He pauses for half a second, and then continues pacing. “Now, why would I go and do a damn fool thing like that?” He laughs wryly. “I don’t see how it matters.”

Valera

"Because you're in Hell, and why would Hell ever _really_ let you win?"

Alastor

“*Hell* wouldn’t—and that’s why I’m outsourcing the job. I don’t see what that has to do with forgiveness and fairness.”

Valera

"Didn't you think Hell has some measure of control over you, or am I misremembering?"

A stretch, and a hand lays over her belly. Rub rub. "Now. I am loathe to admit I could still try to break your timeline like a bone and forcefully reset it into a shape similar to the one I saw, but. I could. Though THAT is something I've never tried at all, I've got no idea if it would work."

Alastor “‘It’s not my fault, the devil made me do it’?” Alastor shook his head. “It’s my fault. Hell is pulling some strings, sure—it can, say, nudge things around to prey on your worst character flaws—but it doesn’t give you those character flaws.”

He stops pacing again. “What would that involve?”

Valera

She opens her mouth, closes it. Clicks her tongue. "That's what I'm figuring out. It *can* be done. I've never done it. But I said I would help you, so I have to offer it as a possibility. It would probably take something fairly drastic. There was a window between you making your decision and actually betraying Pentious, right?"

Alastor

A slow nod. “Ten or fifteen minutes.”

Valera

"There are... A few options. I don't know how *viable* they actually are, right now. I'll have to do research. But I *think* I could try to remove you *entirely* from the timeline at that point. Most likely through a faked assassination or kidnapping. That would break the timeline off the track that was set, an outlier that was not within reasonable bounds. Then give the timeline a few hours, maybe days as it tries to course correct and *cannot*, and then I... Drop *you* back in. Let you run back to Sir Pentious, alive, if not unharmed. At the very least, I'm sure he'd be too busy being glad you were alive to be angry that whatever scheme he was currently enacting got thrown off."

Alastor

He stops breathing for a moment as he thinks about Sir Pentious having to deal with Alastor so suddenly disappearing.

And he tries not to too deeply analyze his disappointment when Valera says they’d put him back. He starts pacing again. “And that would be—like we discussed before? This version of the timeline disappears completely?”

Valera

"It would be impossible for the timeline to continue as it was, so. Yes. You cannot betray Pentious if you aren't there. Everything would get thrown off the rails entirely. Timelines account for a reasonable margin of circumstances with everything people do. Most people rarely do things outside of their norm, so even small changes rarely mean anything and that's why they don't branch as much as people think."

She taps her stomach, lips pursing. "Again. Remember, I can't guarantee it would work. But it does seem the most *likely* to work out of all the options. The first obstacle would be me taking down the Radio Demon. I don't know if you're aware, Alastor, but I don't actually relish the thought of fighting you to what you'd believe to be your death."

Alastor

He laughs humorlessly. “You won’t need to fight. I can tell you exactly what to say to make me come willingly.”

Valera

Blink. Wait, what? She looks back up at him, eyebrows raising. "What, really?"

Alastor

“You think I don’t know myself well enough to know exactly what would make me shut up and listen? Don’t you have secret things that would immediately catch your attention if a stranger said them to you?” A shrug. “Anyway, I wasn’t exactly hard to persuade at that point! I’d just decided to escape a relationship by destroying everything he owned and running—if a stranger magically appeared in front of me and said ‘come with me, we need to fake your assassination,’ I’d consider it a miracle.”

Valera

Valera raises a finger. "Alastor, I am a stubborn, paranoid bitch of a politician. My own parents could miraculously spring back into existence and promise me anything I wanted and I would probably try to bite them. I can't be blackmailed because any time someone tries, I get my PR team to leak it themselves to control the narrative. I am TRULY the most contrary piece of work to get dragged into existence."

A pause.. Then she grins. "Lucky for us, you're not me. If you think that would work? *Good*. That's one of many obstacles down. A question, though, and possibly a dumb one. Would you even *want* to go back? If I ripped you from the timeline, that is."

Alastor

“Does what I’d want matter? Either you put me back, you exterminate me, or you drop me somewhere outside of Hell and I end up having to go back eventually. A disembodied soul can’t last forever outside of Hell, and I can’t move into a neighboring Hell without stepping on an alternate’s hooves.”

Valera

She rolls her eyes, sighing noisily. "Yes, it matters. Even if we can't figure out something better, I want to *try* and help you get a happier ending. Because right now, it's sounding like you're about to give up Telly to go run into your Pentious' arms. Which I don't think Telly would like much."

Alastor

“No! That’s not what I want! I keep double checking that this will delete the current timeline for a reason! If some different Alastor *just slightly* removed from me ends up with him, dandy, but it had damn well better not be me! I’m not trying to get back with him, I’m trying to get ERASED!”

Well. That’s sure something he said and can’t unsay.

Valera

She freezes, her eyes locked on Alastor's face. So, the truth comes out, does it? But is this the eye of the storm, or a defeated gasp? This may require some care.

A slow inhale. A shift of her weight as she sits more upright, face neutral. "I *see*."

Alastor

Those weren’t quite the words he expected out of himself, either. But he’s nothing if not impossible to shut up, so he swallows hard and soldiers on. “Didn’t I say, the very first time we discussed this, that when you made that other timeline, I didn’t want you to combine my memories with my past self—I wanted you to let me get deleted with the rest of this timeline? *This isn’t for me.* I don’t want to get him back—I want him to win. How isn’t that clear? If I wasn’t worried about what it would do to Sir Pentious’s psyche if his lover is assassinated on his airship the morning after they hooked up, I’d tell you to put a bullet through my head the moment you see me!”

Valera

She nods, chewing her lip thoughtfully as she watches him dig his hole deeper with every word he rattles out. She'd known this, really. He'd said it. But she didn't realize..

Well. Better late than never, one supposes. "And what about Telly, Alastor? What are you going to do about *him?* What of *his* psyche?"

Alastor

His face almost cracks completely, brows drawing and smile half wilting. He slumps down onto a seat again. “I shouldn’t have gotten him involved.” It’s not really an answer.

Valera

"No, you shouldn't have! But you did, and now you have another problem to solve. Because Alastor? I do NOT want to explain to that poor man that I helped his boyfriend erase himself from existence for the sake of the man he betrayed, and had planned on doing so before you two even met. You may not have to deal with the fallout, but *I will.*"

Alastor

He inhales sharply at the thought of it. “Isn’t there a way to... As long as we’re altering timelines, can’t we just... make it so he never met me? It was under three months ago, all it would take...” He can’t even finish. It feels like knives just to think about.

Valera

"I already find the idea of breaking your timeline dubious at best, and now you want me to alter the reality of my friend? An innocent party in all this? You *know* he wouldn't want that, Alastor. I agreed to help you with one very specific problem, it isn't my fault that you decided to dally with another snake and complicate matters when you knew your time was potentially limited to months. I wont help you fix that."

She struggles to her feet, empty mug in hand. "I am going to get a refill on my tea. Do you want more coffee, Alastor?"

Alastor

He glances at his cup. He still hasn’t quite emptied it. He shakes his head.

Valera

A nod. "I will be clear. I am not angry, I am not saying I wont help you. But I cannot fix all of your problems so easily. Your actions have consequences, and erasing yourself wont leave everyone happy and everything tied up with a bow." Her thumbs rub over the smooth finish of her mug, brow furrowing in thought.

"I am sorry, Alastor. If I could guarantee, one hundred percent, that I could erase you from Telly's life, take you back to your timeline, and wipe you out before you ever hurt your Pentious.. I would. I would obliterate your mind on the spot and let whatever version of you sprang forth, happy and in love, carry on with your day like it never happened. And I'd take that to my grave. But I can't make that promise." Okay she'd better actually leave, standing around holding an empty cup to rant at someone is stupid. Give her a bit.

Alastor

He nods vaguely, but although he absorbs what Valera says, most of his focus is on his own thoughts.

Telly. If he leaves, who’s there for Telly? Who’s the one who will bargain, threaten, or assassinate whoever it takes to get Telly the supplies he needs for his ship? When all his machines are broken, who’s going to be the one to fill the gaps with magic until they’re repaired? Who will tell him that he’s beautiful, brilliant, unstoppable, every day until he believes it himself? Who’s going to *feed* him?

Every single day, Alastor sees more of Telly’s real self—the person Alastor met just shy of three months ago is hardly a ghost compared to the person Telly is now. It doesn’t matter how Alastor leaves. If he just vanishes, then everything he’s tried to give Telly will be lost. If they never met, then Alastor never gave him those things at all.

He’s still brooding on these thoughts when Valera gets back.

Valera

Valera lets him have some silence, settling back down with her tea as she observes Alastor's stewing. Good. He's thinking. Maybe he'll think his way *out* of this idiocy.

Alastor

He’s working on it.

His Sir Pentious, though—the one he *betrayed*—nothing is fixed for him if Alastor *doesn’t* follow through. He’s still stuck where he is. So which is worse? Which weighs heavier? Never paying the price and making amends for the sin he committed before, or committing a fresh sin now? If no matter what he does, he’s got to knowingly and deliberately doom one of them to an afterlife of broken hopes and unfulfilled aspirations, which one of them is worse?

“... I made a deal with him.” Instead of trying to repeat it, he just plays it back, his own voice slightly cracklier than usual as if it’s playing back from a phonograph record: “*I swear I will never knowingly and deliberately or callously break your heart; and I swear that if I do ever leave, I’ll leave with kindness and honesty; and I swear I’ll never betray you like I did the Sir Pentious of my universe; or I forfeit my soul and all those I have to you.*”

He looks at Valera. “As far as you can think of—is there no possible way for me to do this without violating all three of those?”

Valera

Valera pauses, rolling the terms over in her mind. "You could tell him you can't be with him anymore because you realized your goals are incompatible. That would be a _kindness._ You would be leaving with honesty. Your goals _are_ incompatible."

Alastor

Nods, he accepts that. There are ways he could be honest without telling too much of the truth. Debatable on the idea that he’d be leaving with kindness, but he’s willing to let that sit for the moment. “The other two, then. I wouldn’t be knowingly and *deliberately* breaking his heart, since breaking it is just a side effect instead of my goal; but it would be knowingly and *callously.*”

Valera

"Is it callous, to try and spare him from further harm by stepping away? Because that's what you'd be doing, I imagine."

She leans back into the cushions of the couch, tapping her chin. "_Knowingly_ breaking his heart is the real issue. You've essentially _trapped_ yourself in the relationship. You can't leave while he has feelings for you, no matter how kind and honest you are, because you'll break his heart doing it."

Alastor

“I was damn careful with my wording to make sure I wouldn’t be trapped.” He shakes his head. “That’s why it has to be both. Knowingly-*and*-deliberately or knowingly-*and*-callously. If I know it will break his heart, but the heartbreak isn’t deliberate or callous, it’s legal.” He takes a deep breath. “But I’m *not* trying to spare him harm by stepping away. I’m trying to... disappear, to undo a prior betrayal; and, in the process, I’d be knowingly adding to the parade of people who have promised him the world and then ripped it away—and—and I’d be doing untold damage to his ability to follow his ambitions.” He clears his throat, his voice is starting to sound a little hoarse. “He wouldn’t be spared harm. Knowing the extent of the damage, I—there’s—there’d be no way to proceed without callousness. Would there.”

Valera

Valera has an argument already half formed, but stops. Cocks her head to one side. Why the FUCK would she try to convince him around to her side. This was basically a get out of jail free card. Her perspective didn't matter here, it was *his* contract.

"Y-yeah. If that's the way you interpret your contract, you're well and truly stuck."

Alastor

His shoulders slump, the tension draining out of them all at once. "So that's that? It's undoable." If he can't think of a way and Valera can't think of a way...

Valera

She lifts a shaky mug to her lips, squeaking out what MIGHT be the affirmative. "Mm-Mm!"

Alastor

“All right. That’s that.”

He expects to feel... maybe relieved. Maybe resigned. Instead, what hits first is an unexpected wave of grief. He tries to disguise it by rubbing his eyes with his forefinger and thumb, as though he’s just tired. “So—“ Ahem. “So. You and I shook. If we can’t proceed, then what’s... How do we dissolve that?”

Valera

Valera frowns, fins drooping as she wavers. But no. This is for the best. "Well, how do *you* negate a deal that is no longer viable? All you need to do is say you've released me from the contract, on my end."

Alastor

“You’re released from the contract if I’m released from the contract.” He’s not *unilaterally* releasing somebody else from a contract, that’s just common sense.

Valera

Her eyes are ROLLING. Of course, even now he's being difficult. "Well we shook on it. What does your magic need to terminate the agreement? Blood? Another handshake?"

Alastor

"For you to agree to the same out loud." It's not THAT complicated; but a release from a contract has to be mutual. Otherwise anyone could cancel a contract at any time, and then where would the exploitative dealmakers of the world be?

Valera

"Alright. I release you from our contract under the same terms."

... She doesn't know why she always expects something dramatic to happen, it never does. At least she can lean back and sigh, now.

Alastor

If it helps, Alastor plays a little *ta-daaa* trumpet fanfare.

Valera

It helps, but also makes her primary heart clench. She didn't lie, but she wasn't honest. And it digs into her like a splinter.

A sigh. "Are you okay, Alastor? I know you wanted _very_ badly to help the Pentious of your Hell." That came out more gently than she'd intended, but she's too tired to try and force a casual demeanor right now. Deal with her concern.

Alastor

He's silent for a moment, then sighs and sort of shrugs and shakes his head at the same time. "It just puts me back where I was a few months ago. No great loss."

Valera

"Sure, but you got your hopes up, only for them to be dashed by a contract of your own design." She isn't going to comment on that being incredibly dumb. She isn't. But she's thinking it. Even though it worked out for her.

"I suppose that means you'll have to do things the old fashioned way if you want to make amends."

Alastor

"If the contract wasn't there, I would have had to *decide* which one of them I want to hurt. At least this way the choice is out of my hands. And it means the contract did its job, didn't it?"

He rubs his eyes. "Still. Having the end in sight, and then watching it disappear..."

Valera

Most people would be happy to live another day, but a man craving oblivion? Maybe not so much. She frowns.

"At least you've got Telly. That leaves your local Pentious still suffering. And lest we forget, I entered that contract wanting to help _him_. Still do."

Alastor

And there is nothing he wants more than to go home, curl up in Telly's coils, and not come out for a week. He nods. "I know."

Valera

A low sigh. She could WANT to help, but she couldn't really *do* much. "Well. I suppose there's nothing to be done, at least not now."

Alastor

"I suppose not. Maybe another time." It's hard to even think about an alternative plan right now. How can he even consider a plan that doesn't involve completely erasing all of his mistakes in one fell swoop? What's the *point*?

Valera

"Another time? Yes, absolutely. The politician in me already has five concepts to workshop with my imaginary team. But I am tired, and nauseous, and I want to go hide against either Leal or Penny, whichever lucky man I find first."

Alastor

"Cheers to *that.*" He limply picks up his almost-empty coffee mug. "I think I'll be following your lead." Now that for the first time he HAS someone to hide against.

Valera

She waves her tea at him in what could pass as a pale imitation of a toast, slamming back the rest of her drink like a shot. "At least that's one thing we get out of *love*. Somebody willing to let us use them as *emotional support*."

Alastor

That feels like an attack. Why does that feel like an attack? "Or a warm pillow." He finishes his coffee and stands. "Well, that didn't quite go the way I wanted it to. But thank you for the introduction." He nods toward the egg. "And I suppose I'll see you at work tomorrow?" Remember that part? After all this, they've got JOBS they've gotta go to tomorrow? Harrowing.

Valera

She opens her mouth to remind him that she and Penny are both coldblooded, but then remembers that Leal is a furnace on legs, and just nods instead. "It was... Well. Parts of this visit were fun. I'll see you tomorrow, Alastor. And I'll remember to talk to my beau about your role in Eelizzy's life." Thumbs up.

Alastor

Listen, Alastor's spent the past few decades crying himself to sleep on a pillow with a faux snakeskin pillowcase. Who wants to argue with him if he says he feels warmer when he's wrapped around Telly.

His expression brightens a little bit. "I'd appreciate it."

Valera

She wheezes out a breathy laugh as she stands, smoothing her dress over her stomach. "Hey. I know this was rough, and I wish our talks didn't always end so stressfully, but I do think you'll be a fantastic uncle. With allowances for Penny and Leal, there's nobody I'd trust more to make sure my daughter was cared for if something happened to me. And I mean it."

A flick of a wrist, and a familiar portal opens in the wall, the Hotel's lobby visible through a shimmery haze. It could have gone worse, all things considered.

Alastor

"I doubt we'll need to have any other conversations on this. It's not like we have anything else to discuss on the topic." A crooked smile, but a slightly pained one. "Just let me know when the first PTA meeting is!" And out he goes.

Valera

[[ NOT LIKE SHE CAN DUMP HIM ON TELLY'S SHIP BUT SHE *WISHES*

Alastor

((He's gonna be teleporting himself STRAIGHT to Telly's ship anyway))

[blushing-titan]

Eren as a father and Ymir as a mother motives theory never made sense. They were represented as emotionally stunned children in paths doing the Rumbling, not as adults. Ymir never cared about her children, she doomed them to suffer after her VERY SHITTY AND SELFISH CHOICE TO DIE because her abuser didn't return her "love". That was clear before Eren revealed it. She saved him and abandoned her children. She never gave a single fuck about them. She was always looking at HIM. (1)

For his part, Eren reverted to a child, talked about the sights with Armin which foreshadowed his motivation was mixed with his mental fuckery and timeless perspective. Dina and bird twist were foreshadowed via memory shards earlier. Krueger went on a rant about protecting Armin and Mikasa (and the "others") to Grisha. We've always known who Eren prioritized above all. Last chapter offered no twists, only confirmations. The story was always about EMA, Historia never had a place in the climax.

Hi! Thank you very much for writing 😀 I put my reply under the cut, so people who scroll down while searching tags don’t have problems with my long post (...because I feel like, unfortunetely, it’s gonna be another stream of conciousness from me, sorry about that 😅)

I really like your take on the "emotionally stunned children in paths" imaginery - I fully agree that it's a nicely-done symbolism!

To me, the whole Ymir sacrificed herself because of her unrequited love was not at all as clear and obvious as you say - especially before Eren revealed it. I still have a lot of problems with this plot twist, and how Ymir's feelings towards Fritz were portrayed in the end.

With the amount of abuse and mistreatment the king put her through, many fans tried to come up with different theories as to why Ymir kept on serving him. The way I interpreted it, after seeing her tortured expression over and over in many panels, was that she stayed by his side because of fear and emotional damages. With the way she was living, I was not surprised that she sacrificed herself, too - I thought that she honestly had enough, which added to the tradgedy of how she still couldn't find peace after that, and kept on being enslaved in paths.

I saw many takes and theories on her motives, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone betting on she was actually in love before ch. 139. I probably didn't search good enough, but again - with what I saw in the manga, I would have never bet on that either. My point is - before ch. 139 (...and after it too, in my opinion) Ymir was a walking mystery with unclear motives, so there were a lot of theories. Therefore, I disagree that the "parents" theory could never work - it obviously doesn’t work now, after ch. 139, but before that, her motivation could be anything really. I still wish it was something else, because what we got was too vague and problematic, in my opinion. 

I simply dislike Ymir's conclusion. I feel like there was so much potential in her backstory and motives + a few different ways to tie it back with different plotpoints and characters in the end to make it more meaningful, but what we got was a brief: She was in love with the person who abused her, I know it sounds unbelievable but I couldn't look deeper into her heart, so we have to take it as it is.

In general - I can't brush it off, but to me it feels like Ymir's end goal was rushed, not explored properly, and almost pulled out of nowhere. Unfortunately, I feel the same about Mikasa's involvement in lifting the titan's curse. Don't get me wrong - I'm not at all against her becoming the hero. Quite the opposite, I was rooting for her since the beginning, and hoped to see her develop and have a big moment, but this...this honestly also felt pulled out of nowhere and, in my eyes, didn't do Mikasa justice at all. I wish there was more proper build-up and foreshadowing done so I (...and, from what I've seen, a huge portion of fans) wouldn't feel that way, but here we are.

As for the Eren/Armin conversation, I like how they got to "see" the world together, even though just as a visualisation in the paths. My problem is the [...] Eren reverted to a child, talked about the sights with Armin which foreshadowed his motivation was mixed with his mental fuckery and timeless perspective part. Again, this should have been forshadowed (...and developed in general!) much sooner - not in the final chapter, right before we learn about this controversial motivation of his.

Instead, for many chapters, we were lead to believe that Eren was acting with his original goals and personal motivations in mind; that he had some character developement which caused him to start thinking his actions through, stop acting so impulsively - and finally, that he had a plan in mind, or at least was acting out of his own free will.

If you've never seen him in this light and his motivation/behaviour seemed in character in the last chapter to you - that's fine, all power to you! But if such a big portion of the fanbase felt otherwise (me included), then it means that there were some writing issues that led to this.

The Dina situation should have been explored more, as well. It's a huuuge plot twist, which puts our MC's motovations in an entirely new light, and creates quite a few additional plot-related questions. The way we're shown the situation: Berthold couldn't die just yet, so Eren directed Dina somewhere else, which ended up being his house.

...why not anywhere else? He could literally send her back outside the wall. On top of that - did he seriously sacrifice his mother in favour of his friends? I'd really like more information on this, but the topic is cut basically as soon as it appears. I find it especially unnatural, considering the way further dialogue goes:

Eren tells Armin about how he caused his mother's demise. Armin makes a terrified face, but drops the topic, smiles and casually proceeds with: "Let's go, Eren" - like his friend didn't just reveal one of the most controversial plot twist in the series. No, who'd want to hear an elaboration on that - better talk about Mikasa, so instead we get the entire (in my eyes - really forced) Eremika-themed talk. The priorities...

About the bird thing...if I remember correctly, there were three shards revolving around this theme. Two of them just show birds flying, one of them shows Falco from bird’s perpective. Sure, now that we know that some random bird in the end pecked on Mikasa's scarf, we can kiiiiiind of connect it to the Falco's shard...but honestly, why was Eren's soul transferred into some random bird after his death? On top of that, a bird that was already existing in the world while he was still alive, as a human...did that bird’s conciousness just go poof! one day, for Eren to take the vacant spot? Should we also look for other deceased titan shifters in barns or birdhouses? 😅 I can’t believe I’m overthinking it this hard...😆

That's some three-eyed-parasitic-jeager stuff, for sure.

Jokes aside, I guess what I'm trying to say is that foreshadowing is fun and great, but it should go hand in hand with proper developement - and, in my opinion, the examples above kinda lack it (...ok, I'd let the "bird Eren" thing slide because whatever, I don't feel the need to be that serious about it, it could stay ambigous in my opinion - but I'd definitely want some more closure as for the Dina situation or Ymir’s motivations and inner thoughts)

I've always said that Armin and Mikasa were two of Eren's closest friends - or, even more, the only people he considered family. I've also never believed that he would ever willingly sacrifice them, as some people theorized (...though guess what, now that I know what happened to his mother, I have to rethink my reasoning). I understand that EMA are the main characters, and was expecting that the story's conclusion will be tied to them somehow, but definitely not at the expense of logical character and story developement (...and sorry - to me the ending just felt that way).

As for Historia: if she was never supposed to be important in the end, then, in my eyes, it's a very poorly guided plotline that only led to unecessary drama in the fanbase. Why make her situation look sus with things such us:

Incorrect conception date,

The emphasis on how she didn't marry the father of her baby (...only to reveal in ch. 139 that she, in fact, did that),

The mysterious, cloaked figure observing her talking to the farmer,

The whole talk with Eren in ch. 130, and Eren thinking back to it while talking with Zeke.

All the Historia/Ymir parallels.

Seriously, what was the point? It would be so easy to simply make the situation clear. Why not just make Historia admit to Eren in ch. 131: "yes, I'm already pregnant with the farmer's baby - I did it to save myself."? Why not cut the bs with the "she didn't marry him" - because, in all honesty, what did that information bring into the story, aside from confusion and "misunderstanding" - and just make them married, instead? Even better - why not have at least one panel showing Historia and farmer being at least somehow affectionate with each other? Why not let go of all this retconned stuff and use these panels for shelling out other plotpoints?

The theories didn't come out of nowhere - they were based on what was shown in the manga. People wouldn't be disappointed with Historia's conclusion if it was never implied that she was still somehow important. We may argue about it back and forth, but the truth is - when so many people collectively "misunderstand" a certain plotline to this extent, then it means there had to be some storytelling issues that led them to this - simple as that.

To sum it up, I'm happy that you enjoyed the chapter and found it logical and satisfying. I absolutely don't want to take that away from you, or make you change your mind, but I also can't help the fact that I don't see it in the same light as you. You say that the final chapter offered no twists, only confirmations - to me, it was pretty much the opposite. Still, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts, and sorry it took me so long to reply! Hope you're having a nice day 😄

[hange-zone]

hey...i’ve sat with the ending for a bit and am still not entirely sure what to feel. i will say i’m bit sad that it’s over - i started this series with friends back in 2014, and was little and giddy and excited about it. i consumed a lot of jeanmarco fic (wisteria! LAD! render! strings! etc) and that one really good eremin (we were kings...which is probably half the reason why i’m writing it so feverishly now) + fanart (johannathemad! icarus theory! gimmes! many many more that i’m happy to share but don’t remember right now cos it’s 5am)

and then life went on and i forgot about it mostly because...life...and only got back into it a few months ago when the anime was back on netflix and i watched most of it in the span of a week. and i’m here, again.

i have to admit i don’t exactly read the manga and i stopped the anime for a bit because at the heart of it i’m also not sure how to feel about the time skip. i think that’s on me though - the basement was built up to be this black box and i think a large part of the fun was the not knowing, and the journey to the basement was used as a framing device. so once we found out that fell away and i don’t think any reveal would have been completely satisfactory. and i have issues with the timeskip but it’s probably me being picky (lol dm me if you’d like to know more, i am such a rambler)

though admittedly there are parts of the post timeskip i do enjoy - you can tell i’m obsessed with that one scene eren and armin stare at each other, i love the new designs, i especially love armin lol - and I appreciate parts of the perspective it’s trying to give too in the broadest sense (ie the anti-war themes...effect of propaganda... at least I THINK that’s what we were supposed to take away at the start of season 4 because I stopped watching the show then for a whole host of reasons)

was looking over (ok, glued to) reddit yesterday and it occured to me parts of the fandom (read: r/yeagerbomb) can be quite toxic (as with any large fandom I guess!) so I was hoping to avoid that but also like understand what’s going on...i think honestly i was a bit disappointed in the ending, at first i was actually upset but now i’m just...alright. mostly i think i’m sad it’s ended and that’s mixed up with how I feel in general. but I've thought about it and overall it’s an  ending in the broadest sense, I mean it largely served its purpose and I think importantly for endings, tied up main threads of the plot. and i respect the decisions the author has made, even as we’re all entitled to our opinion and you can disagree. I do wish some other choices made or it were done slightly differently. mostly I wish it had more time to develop some themes and I think generally some parts of the series were a bit convoluted. 

if you’d like my (uninformed) thoughts i am happy to share - they’re in more detail below! and i’d like to hear yours too:)

.

.

.

if it helps i didn’t buy the whole ‘chad eren’ thing at all - at heart he is still a nineteen year old boy and he’s probably still small and scared - something which i’ve explored! - and while i appreciate that eremika didn’t exactly come out of nowhere i’ve always read it as them wanting the domesticity with each other, wanting to live out full, normal lives, but not necessarily just about the exclusivity of a relationship, which is what some readings of the last chapter seemed to suggest (& hence i kinda get why people are so mad that that he comes off as an incel but idk, maybe it’s the translations? i personally am choosing to read it as the first part - that he wanted deep down to have the space to live out a long, natural life with the people he loves).

but wrt to eremika my main thing is that i’m a bit iffy on the parallels to ymir because personally i’m not a bit fan of that entire ymir/fritz thread...1) i get the slave...to love but it also feels a bit like it romanticises their relationship? maybe i’m reading too much into it. but more importantly to me 2) i feel it complicates things a bit because we can’t then pin down if it’s eren or her making the executive decisions which then becomes a bit more thematically murky and doesn’t help with characterisation...I mean if he’s a plot device then he is a plot device, if he’s a character with agency then he’s a character, if he blurs the line between both it becomes a bit of an issue as there aren’t real stakes and character development then becomes a bit of a question mark since there’s also this tendency to reduce him to a symbol...and yeah, as we see the whole  headache-inducing nature of this is quite evident now... (and i want to feel for eren!)

also not a super fan of the eren sending dina. but i’m reminded of the discussions around mr robot and standing in the stream of time wrt white rose but eh, time travel plots are always a bit inscrutable and honestly always make things difficult. personally i rationalise it as more of he sent them away from Bert than to his mother. maybe he had the vague understanding of what it’d do but exactly why he did it was different, which idk, makes all the difference to me. 

but i do appreciate what the ending was trying to show, even if I personally don't think it was the best, i do appreciate eren’s vulnerability, his last talk with armin broke me, and appreciate that jean is okay, levi is okay, and he got to see everyone else again. i’m also kinda appreciative of the bird symbolism though i don’t think it’s any more than that...also it makes me think that poor eren, he’s burdened with Glorious Purpose & like it’s not gonna stop until he’s dead, right :/ also was under no illusions that it was gonna be a happy ending and everyone would be satisfied somehow or another so eh. I do wish that some things were done differently, I would have done some things differently, but also I acknowledge the constraints of the medium and I think some nuances didn't come across/writing could be tighter. maybe we’ll see when the anime comes out, if some of us stick around that long.

also my monkey brain is choosing to fixate on little, abstract things like oh, armin looks so cute with his hair slicked back...so kudos for that and maybe there’s some hamfisted thing about telling the story...giving it meaning...like horatio? maybe? lol goodnight sweet prince eren...i AM overthinking it probably. anyway if you think about it, it’s the death of the author (ie Barthes) and meaning is created not just when it’s encoded in the text, but when we read and experience it -- which gives us some leeway as to how we interpret the whole series, if you’d really like. so this is my outlook:”)

ok this has turned out longer than i expected and is undercut by actually a lot of salt ahh and i actually have a whole sort of treatise on it! but i think i am a bit emotionally exhausted because i always care too much so i think i'll take a break before I get back to prompts, sorry...

anyway what i mean to say is if you made it this far thank you & that i’m interested to hear what people think! so come send in the ask or reply to this - and feel free to disagree etc but let’s be peaceable about it:)

[skye-maxwell]

28. noceur - one who stays up late

Persona 4 | Souyo | Rated T

(Pre-relationship, a bit of hurt before the comfort)

—

On his first night back in Tokyo after his whirlwind year in Inaba, Souji stayed up waiting for midnight, staring at the old hand-me-down TV set in his bedroom. 

Nothing happened, of course. The TV didn’t hum to life on its own; no one showed up on the screen; nothing broke the suffocating silence except his own heart’s punctuated pounding. He even reached a hand out to see if it would break through the plane of the dusty screen. It didn’t.

He was relieved in a way, but in another way, he wasn’t. 

He speculated as to why that might be for the next five hours as he tossed and turned in bed, alternating between staring at the ceiling, the walls, and the pictures of his friends from Inaba that lived on his phone. 

The vague answer he eventually came up with was that he wanted the impossible; everything his heart desired the most was beyond his reach: he wanted to be back in Inaba; he wanted to rewind time and relive the past year (minus all the horrible parts, of course); and he wanted to have his Partner by his side.

A week of this nightly torture—waiting for a Midnight Channel that wasn’t going to appear and then overthinking every aspect of his past and future for hours and hours while miserably waiting for fitful sleep to come—went by. He had never felt more exhausted, not even after his biggest battles in the TV World.

He didn’t want to be needy, but on night number eight, he finally broke down and called Yosuke.

“I don’t really know why I do it,” Souji said after explaining his fixation on waiting for the Midnight Channel. 

“Maybe you’re hoping your soulmate will pop up?” Yosuke joked. “If you’re lonely, I’m sure there’s plenty of girls in the city who would love to help you out with that!” 

Souji grimaced, starting to regret having called Yosuke. 

He loved Yosuke, of course, but the fact that he loved him was one of the problems. He loved him a lot, probably too much.

Souji had always been bothered by Yosuke’s comments about Souji being some sort of chick magnet. He still couldn’t figure out why so many girls in Inaba had been interested in him, and the interest had unfortunately never been mutual, which led to a lot of guilt and awkwardness on his part. 

But back then he loved Yosuke, and only Yosuke. 

Well, that was still the case, which is why a significant portion of his sleepless nights was dedicated to feeling hopeless about that whole situation. His best friend, who apparently thought Souji should alleviate his loneliness with any city girl who would bat his eyelashes at him, loved him as his Partner but was never going to love him back romantically. And that was the worst kind of loneliness—he missed Yosuke on so many levels it was physically painful. He missed his physical presence by his side; he missed their routine that they’d grown so accustomed to; he missed a shared future he had imagined but that they would never actually have… 

“I promise I’m not waiting for my soulmate to appear,” Souji said dryly. 

“Hey, there’s no shame in wanting that! It’s kinda nice to think there’s somebody out there just for you…”

Souji pulled the phone away from his face for a moment to heave a heavy sigh; this conversation was going to make him sick to his stomach. 

Bringing the receiver back to his mouth, Souji attempted to keep things light: “The only person who’s shown up on the screen is my own reflection, and I sincerely hope I’m not my own soulmate.”

“Well, personas are like souls, and you have multiple… and hey, aren’t your Oberon guy and that Titania chick married? Maybe you are your own soulmate!” 

“Please, Yosuke, no…” Souji groaned. “Oh, and by the way, their marriage seems shaky at best, so that makes it even worse.” 

“I’m just kidding, man! You’re not your own soulmate.” 

“Well, now I’m not sure,” Souji said dismally, wanting to bury his face in his pillow. 

“Chin up, Partner. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a soulmate.” 

Souji scoffed, noting that the exhaustion was causing his normally rock-solid filter to slip. “You really think so, Yosuke?”

“Of course! Yosuke Hanamura’s partner could never be less than the best!” Yosuke stated proudly. 

Souji gritted his teeth, somehow filled with both annoyance and affection. 

After a too-short moment of contemplation, Souji blurted out: “I think I know why my soulmate’s not showing up on the TV.” 

“Uh, because it hasn’t rained, and you’re not in Inaba, and that whole thing was just a rumor to begin with?” 

Souji felt a distinct wave of anguish rise up in him, and while he was hoping for something more articulate, all he ended up whining out was, “Yosuke…” 

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want some soulmate to show up,” Souji said frustratedly. He wanted Yosuke to be his soulmate, and if soulmates didn’t exist, he still wanted Yosuke. “I want… Damn it. When you said anyone would be lucky to have me, I wanted that to include you! I wish… I wish that included you.” 

Fuck, Souji thought. What the hell did I just do? Maybe he won’t get it. Of course he won’t get it. But just in case, how should I play it off—

“It did. It… it does.” 

“What?” Souji asked as his mind tripped over itself and its plans to divert Yosuke’s attention from his accidental confession.

“It… included me,” Yosuke said softly, but then he suddenly declared, “E-especially me!” 

If Souji’s mind had tripped over itself before, it was now tumbling down a long staircase, picking up speed and headed for a disastrous crash landing. 

Souji was about to ask for clarification, but then Yosuke started yelling a series of clarifications about how he missed Souji so much and how he had been miserable ever since he left town and how he just wanted to be with him… 

Then Yosuke started hiccuping and crying, and Souji just about lost it, because how dare anything make his Partner cry, but also wow because that wasn’t a rational thought… 

Before, Souji had very much desired a night of restful sleep, but this time when he didn’t get it, he didn’t mind one bit. 

He and Yosuke stayed up all night talking to each other, clarifying things and confessing things, crying and laughing on and off, wistfully reminiscing and frantically trying to figure out when they could fit in a visit to see each other asap, so they could say these things in person and so they could hug each other so tightly they would break each other’s bones and so they could kiss the stupid smirks off each other’s stupid faces… 

As the sun rose and Souji batted at his curtains to keep the offending sunlight out, the two of them started their long goodbyes. 

Then Yosuke suddenly said, “Hey, before you go… sometimes I wait for the Midnight Channel too. I’m scared something’s gonna pop up again, but I’m even more scared of missing something and not saving somebody who needs to be saved. I’m guessing that’s part of why you do it too. But I definitely wasn’t watching and waiting for my soulmate to appear. I didn’t need to, because I already had you.” 

Souji had thought he’d run out of tears by now, but here they were again, hot and trickling from the corners of his eyes. 

“Is it too soon to say I love you?” 

Yosuke laughed in delight, and then he was hiccuping again. 

“No. I… I’ve been wanting to hear that… for a long time.”

“I love you, Yosuke.”

“Partner… I love you too.”

After they finally hung up, with solid plans for Yosuke to shirk all else the following weekend and come to the city, Souji had the best sleep of his life, paired with dreams of Yosuke that were so pleasant he couldn’t have written them himself. 

He didn’t wake up again until that afternoon when Yosuke called to tell him he’d bought his train ticket and that he couldn’t wait to see him and that he hadn’t slept a wink because he was so excited and because his persona had been freaking out all day and that he loved Souji, more than anything. 

[cinnamonzor]

BrattyShipping Headcanons Pt. 3

Previous Posts: Part 1 | Part 2

The Heirs’ Game

- Victor ended up heading to Ballonlea on his own to help Bede and Opal, since he knew that Gloria heading there to meet them was almost definitely a bad idea. He’d primarily been sticking with Sonia to help track Swordward and Shielbert, but decided it was best for him to head over while Gloria, Hop, and Piers traveled to the other stadiums.

- Upon learning Bede had defeated the three rampaging Dynamax Pokemon by themselves, Victor congratulated them for their impressive victory, expressing genuine pride towards them.

- Bede challenging him to a battle was primarily influenced by this, as they felt a boost of determination from his subtle acknowledgement that only added to the confidence high of defeating the Dynamax Pokemon.

- Victor quickly recognized the significance of their respect for his capabilities as a trainer both before and during the match (i.e. the mid-battle dialogue), understanding the genuine compliment that Bede would never have given without meaning it.

- Hatterene wipes out half of Victor’s team on her own before her defeat, primarily due to her need to blow off some steam towards the source of her trainer’s irritatingly lopsided emotions. She decides it was completely worth the venting.

- Upon accepting Victor’s strength and exchanging rare League cards with him, Bede made sure to quickly and safely tuck it away as they went to clean the aftermath in the stadium. Victor did the same on his way back to Wedgehurst, storing their card in a pocket separate from the one he’d been collecting the other League cards in.

- Bede tacks the rare card to their vengeance board upon returning from the gym. They still don’t have any of Gloria’s cards and Rose’s letter has been tacked beside his card, indicating it as fulfilled. They continue to turn to it as a daily source of motivation in the morning.

More Pining (Don’t worry. We’re nearing to the end of this part)

- It takes at least another full year for their relationship to actually start. I mean, come on. This dynamic can only form via slow-burn.

- They continue to keep in touch during that time, primarily through texting and Victor’s occasional visits to their gym. During the League season, he makes a point to find time to watch at least one of Bede and Marnie’s gym matches per week for the sake of being a supportive friend.

- About a month into their training sessions, Victor starts bringing an extra lunch for Bede to ensure they aren’t neglecting themselves and to get a fresh opinion on his cooking. They initially scoff at how unfair it is that Victor is so unreasonably skilled at two fields of expertise, but always grants honest, thorough feedback on each of the meals he provides. It doesn’t take long before their lunch break becomes a highly anticipated element of their training sessions.

- Marnie sees Bede every so often due to gym leader business and, while neither has directly told her about their feelings for the other (particularly since Bede mostly considers her a work acquaintance at best), she manages to figure it out for herself fairly quickly. Victor’s growing reciprocation is also made evident by his increased attention whenever she brings them up in conversation.

- Victor’s interest in Bede is only self-confirmed as a full-blown crush half a year later while he’s watching them care for their Pokemon after one of their sparring sessions. He’s completely endeared by their rarely-shown soft side as they thoughtfully work with each member of their team to ensure each member is achieving their full potential when the “oh s**t” moment hits.

- Bede starts to realize the nature of their feelings toward Victor (with some subtle prodding from Opal and Hatterene) around the same time. They immediately attempt to deny it, only for Hatterene to indicate that she’s having none of that. Knowing fully well how seriously their partner takes the subject of emotions, Bede begrudgingly attempts to sort through their feelings in their typical logical fashion. And at this point, Hatterene is just overjoyed they’re headed in the right direction.

- It takes the two a while to really act on their feelings, due to Victor’s anxiety acting up and having him worry he’s overthinking Bede’s behavior and that admitting he likes them would ruin the rare friendship they’ve allowed him. You know, the standard stuff.

- Meanwhile, Bede most DEFINITELY has some pretty deeply ingrained trust and abandonment issues from both their parents and Rose ultimately casting them aside. It’s bad enough they’ve somehow managed to grow attached to Opal, but now they’ve got some random desire to grow equally attached to this stupid, overly soft, admirable idiot? As Hatterene has basically forced them to admit, yes. Yes they do.

- This goes on for the next few months. It’s hell for both of them, though the onlooking three grow increasingly invested. Meanwhile, Gloria and Hop still are completely unaware since neither of them even consider the possibility of Victor being interested in Bede and mostly just focus on their own endeavors.

Getting Together

- The two ultimately begin their relationship when they’re around fifteen. I have vague memories of someone stating that Hop and thee protagonists are eleven or twelve when the game starts, but I couldn’t find anything about their actual age when I checked, so for the sake of this series of ideas, I’m guesstimating them at around thirteen when the game starts. The main story takes place over the course of ten months (the average length of the soccer/football season, whichever you wanna call it), placing them at around fourteen during the Championship and fifteen after the following year of awkward pining.

- Victor ultimately is the one to admit his feelings first and sets up a picnic behind the Ballonlea stadium (what can he say? They were already there and he really likes the town’s aesthetic).

- Bede is somewhat confused, but doesn’t think much of it since they’re even denser about other people’s feelings than their own. They notice Victor arranged the contents of the food into the shape of an Applin and informs him that while the image is well-done, it likely would take too long to reasonably offer as a menu item.

- It’s at that moment when Hatterene bonks them over the head at how utterly they missed the point of the gesture, insisting they further analyse the implied meaning. Bede gets confused, but has a vague understanding of what Hatterene is trying to tell them, asking Victor if they were missing anything. Victor isn’t able to choke out much more than an old superstition about the Applins. It takes Bede a quick internet search on their phone to connect the dots. They manage to admit their reciprocation for Victor’s feelings as well.

- Bede is more surprised than Victor about the other’s feelings, as Victor had at least suspected Bede’s interest for a few months at that point. Bede, on the other hand, is still kinda garbage at figuring out other people outside battle and basic personalities.

- After some discussion, the two officially begin dating. And Hatterene’s unintentional torment finally came to an end.

And now, on to the truly adorable stuff!

[firesign23]

Author Interview

Tagged by: @aviss  (And @luthienebonyx while I was answering!)

Name:  Ehh, any variation of my usernames is fine. Or you can ask after we’ve talked. It’s too distinctive to put on Tumblr

Fandoms: I’m currently active in Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries and Game of Thrones, and occasionally still check in on the Agent Carter fandom when I have time. I’ve been fandoming for 18 years though, and couldn’t list all the ones I’ve been active in. I used to think I could, and then awhile back I was suddenly hit with a reminder that I wrote fic for X and had forgotten it entirely. 😂

Where you post: AO3

Most popular oneshot: (every single one of us) still left in want of mercy  for GoT. For Miss Fisher, the answer actually surprised me--by hits it is A Hundred and One, which made some sense because it was my first fic and hit during that huge rush in the wake of series 3. By kudos? It’s Reservations, a Mac POV of Phryne and Jack’s developing relationship. 

Most popular multi-chapter story: in the wild blue yonder, your star is fixed (in my sky)  for GoT, which is unsurprising because I only have two and that is both older and longer. A Glass Splinter for Miss Fisher, which is also unsurprising because it is oldest and longest. 

Favorite story you wrote: I always say Fear Not the Bugle, because it was long and hard and deeply personal by the end, but I think that answer changes a lot based on whatever definition of favourite I’m using.  

Story you were nervous to post: All of them, every time. But, honestly, today’s chapter on in the wild blue yonder was… I told people I was expecting rage quitting, and while nobody’s said so, the subscription count has gone down for the first time. There’s any number of innocuous reasons for that, and of course people can read what they want and interests change and so on, but it doesn’t feel like a coincidence that it came after this chapter either. I am, of course, overthinking the whole thing like hell because that’s how I roll. I’ll be over it tomorrow--the story went the way the story had to go. 

How you choose your titles: I scream at people until something clicks? I honestly… I’m so bad at picking titles. I’ll use song lyrics or poetry or quotes--lots of room for Shakespeare and Rilke with MFMM for obvious reasons, and also Edna St Vincent Millay and Anais Nin. And D.H. Lawrence, but also fuck that guy. Or sometimes I’ll just use a random word. I like to joke that I’m going to post a Phrack story and just call it “There’s smut, we all know you’ll read this regardless of the title”, but I don’t even have that going for me in the GoT fandom. THE HARDSHIPS, Y’ALL. I’m currently obsessed with finding a reason to use The Ballroom Thieves’ Bees for a fic, somehow, but I’m not sure which bit. Or which fic. It is sure as shit not going to be an angsty, canon-compliant Jaime POV of Winterfell though, that’s for fucking sure.

Do you outline: Somewhat? Before my season 8 fixit I was mostly writing casefics for anything longer than a one-shot, and I found that I had to have a super rough outline before starting so I could make sure the places clues were dropped were well-spaced and the resolution made sense on a super basic level. But this mostly took the form of a super general paragraph per chapter, and I didn’t really know how those things would happen until I get there. For yonder I have a list of shit that’s supposed to happen, maybe, and I’m winging it without knowing what’s coming in even a vague sense more than a couple of chapters ahead. Except for the final chapter, which was one of the first things I noted, back when I was telling @heavyheadedgal I wasn’t going to WRITE a fic, it was just satisfying to think about it, and anyway even if I did it would be a oneshot. 

I do, however, sort of outline a chapter when I get to writing it. Outline mostly means a sentence, maybe two, per scene--X happens, the purpose of which is Y, tone might be Z--and any scraps of dialogue/writing that had already come to me during previous writing. 

Complete: On ao3 I have… 150 or so? I think the full count is 152 or 153, and of those one is on hiatus and has been for years, one is complete but not yet fully posted because it’s for the 2019 monthly challenge for MFMM, and one genuine WIP. I have no idea what the true total over 18 year is though, other than a LOT.

In-progress: I am actively working on in the wild blue yonder, your star is fixed (in my sky) and the The Seasons Will Change Us New series (aka Minigolf AU), and have a few things like prompts that I pick at on occasion. 

Coming soon/not yet started:

I have a ton more stories in the Minigolf series--the first on the docket is a one-shot of Brienne and Jaime grabbing coffee (that’s what I’m working on), then one set over the Midwinter holiday where their skiing holiday plans are interrupted by Robert’s death. Then there is the bachelor auction fic, which is going to be great because platonic neck kisses. And a few after that.  

The third fic in the series of smutty character studies, which will feature pegging and domJaime (somehow?) and I have NO FUCKING CLUE what it will actually look like but I need it and nobody else is going to write it, so...

My next “serious” longfic will probably by the Persuasion/Anne of Cleves!AU, which is the weirdest mashup description ever. But the premise could be really great--it’s a canon divergence where Brienne and Jaime meet earlier in the timeline and become friends, then are separated by Cersei’s scheming and the ire of the court, both of them in love but not realising or able to act on it at the time. Then they meet again when she is Catelyn’s sworn sword (I’m handwaving so much politics in this fic and Ned’s death is different so Sansa is marrying Joffrey and UGH I’m not looking forward to that side of things because my grasp of canon is so bad), and there is angst and pining and strained sniping. Addam gets to be Charles Musgrove. It’s only the vaguest sort of take on Persuasion, but… The Anne of Cleves side of things is--okay, I kinda want to really lean into that inspiration, but the real point of that is to tackle Brienne’s ugliness from an angle that acknowledges that it can be a “Yes and…” situation--yes, she’s not pretty, and it can also be a constructed, weaponised attack on her. For example, I’m taking that “More of a woman’s shape” thing and running with it--she’s not feminine in build, but that gets warped into “Entirely indistinguishable from a man” by people out to discredit her, and even Jaime’s memories of her have been shaped by that propaganda.  

Look, we all know I’m writing Cocks and Robbers and it is entirely the fault of @aurora-australis-tumbles 

Do you accept prompts: Absolutely! I can be very slow at filling them though, because I… for a long time I was really struggling with writing for a bunch of complex reasons and I’m still working my way up to being able to write a lot in a day. It’s like a muscle injury that’s slowly healing, but I’m not pushing myself, and that means that I can’t currently sit down and bang out 5 or 6 ficlets in a day like I used to. 

Upcoming story you are most excited to write: Persuasion AU, I think? What I have to say about beauty is probably rather niche and not interesting to the vast majority of fans, but it’s something that I like to explore. Or the bachelor auction AU because TROPES GALORE.

Tagging @whopooh  @scruggzi @aurora-australis-tumbles @renee561 and whoever else wants to do it. I am super bad at remembering who has already done these things

[jaywrites101]

The City In FreeFall; Chapter Three

When I woke up, it was thirty minutes past noon. SmashStone and his thugs were gone. And so was my wallet. Mac left a note on my face that read, be at the east side of Warehouse 15 by eight-thirty or you're a dead man. At least, I assumed it was Terry Mac who wrote it since I didn't think anyone else in the entire gang was capable of writing. Except you, a lingering sense of guilt reminded me.

The cigar hole in my chest still burned. My chest throbbed along dully until I tried to take a breath. It caught halfway and red-hot knives cut into my esophagus. I needed to go to a hospital… But there'd be no way a hospital would let me just walk out in a couple of hours… Besides… I… I wasn't finished being an absolute total dumbass yet… 

I still had to talk with the BloodBlades.

This part of the plan was much less thought out than everything that's come before it…  Somehow…  

I had to make it into BloodBlade territory, find someone who wouldn't just shoot me at the first sign of my new "tattoo," and convince them to get to Warehouse 15 at the same time as the SmashStones… 

The walk out of The Rock and back into BloodBlade turf gave me plenty of time to realize just how totally whiffed I was. Could I have still gone to the police? Yes. Did I?

You underestimate just how damned stubborn I can be.

No more kids in caskets, I told myself. No more kids in caskets. Every step felt like my bones were filled with lead. No more kids in caskets. Jerry's face at the visitation, so pale and porcelain. It was profane! No more kids in caskets. Did I have brain trauma? I passed Old Man Yin at his noodle shop. He looked at me like I was a nightmare. Dried blood running down my sides, No doubt he thought I'd been mugged… No more kids in caskets, no more kids in caskets! The BloodBlade hideout was plain as day. An old gym that closed down long ago. Was I really going to just walk in there? The thugs by the door just stood there in shock as I marched past them. NO MORE KIDS IN CASKETS!

"I demand to speak with Cutter!" I roared at the building. There were three fighting mats all lined up with people in and around them. My shout stopped them all in their tracks. I always did have a strong voice. Everybody in the room could see the hole in my chest, and no doubt every single one of them knew what it meant.

"The only way you're getting to see Cutter is an execution," a voiced jeered from the side.

"You're not going to live that long!" another thug exclaimed. 

Someone pinned my arms from behind, while a dude with long silver hair came at me with a knife. In case you couldn't tell, BloodBlades love their knives.

“Oh wow!” you might be thinking, “Is this how you died the first time?” Nope! That's still yet to come! No, this time around I jumped back against the guy who had my arms and kicked the guy with the knife with all my might. I immediately dropped to the floor and lay there like a worm, too busy bleeding to death to really take note of the chaos that was exploding around me. Fun Fact: doing just about anything while one of your ribs is broken makes everything 100x's worse! Fighting for your life? Don't try that at home kiddos.

The silver-haired guy pulled me up by what was left of my T-shirt and shouted… something at me. My vision was getting kinda blurry. Whatever he asked, my witty response was to bleed on him.

Oh, yeah. Who's got the makings of a vigilante superhero? This guy.

Another guy dressed in grey sweatpants and a hoodie showed up and garbled something at Silver Hair. Next thing I knew, I was being dragged backwards through the gym while the others gawked at my broken body.

Side note, what is it with bad guys and dark rooms? Seriously! Don't they know torture rooms are completely unreliable? At best they were just putting me in a place where no one would hear my screa--on second thought everything checks out now.

The big guy tied my arms behind a chair and bound my legs for good measure. I tried not to panic. 

Unlike the backroom at The Rock, this place had a proper ceiling over my head and charcoal grey drywall all around, so I didn't have to worry about Cutter just dropping in from above. But then again, I didn't get a good look at the room, so the iron door in front of me might not have been the only way in or out… but then again, again, if it wasn't the only way in or out of the room, why make the door out of iron?

I overthink pointless things like that. If I spent half as much effort thinking about my plan as I did about that small room I wouldn't have been in this mess in the first place. Bio101 was looking better and better each second… 

After a short spell, the guy who stopped Silver Hair from gutting me returned to the room.

Tying me up so I couldn't move and then putting me alone in a room for a few minutes was, honestly, the best thing they could've done for me. Sure, they could've also left a hot girl in the room to nurse my wounds and make sure I had plenty of water, but this wasn't too bad all things considered.

My head had cleared up a little. The world wasn't black and red anymore, and I was able to hear when the door opened. My body was still screaming pain signals to my brain, yes. But I wasn't about to pass out.

"You've got a lot of guts coming here alone," the man said.

"Unfortunately I seemed to have left half of them back on 21st street," I joked weakly.

A swift smack to the face showed just how much they cared for humor in the BloodBlade gang.

"Do you even know who I am?" he glowered.

Everybody and their cousin knew what Cutter and SmashStone looked like. Those two had been running wild down in the Heap for years. This guy wasn't Cutter. But he clearly had some authority to keep ol’ Silver Hair from giving me a chest piercing. That could only mean the man before me was… 

"Friday."

The man shook his head. "No, be thankful I'm not him. You'd already be in the ground if I was."

"Oh."

"I'm Seth Bridgess," he said as if it meant something.

I vaguely remembered a news report about Seth Bridgess, but I couldn't pin it down… until I could.

"Wait, you're just Cutter's drug pusher--" Bridgess stepped forward, his knife appearing in his hand like magic. "I-I mean--you're his drug kingpin. Ha-ha, yeah. Big guy, Seth Bridgess. The biggest drug dealer in the town."

Bridgess looked like I'd kicked him in the groin. Figures… 

"Then I'm sure you know why I've left you alive?" he spit. This guy clearly had something going on behind the scenes… … But… I saw an opportunity.

"It's because of the second shipment," I said as casually as I possibly could.

Seth's face was priceless. "What second shipment?" Hook, Line, and Sinker.

I embraced as much of my inner coward as I could. It wasn't that hard, I had a lot of terror built up throughout today. "Oh, uh. O-of course not, you're k-keeping me alive because of… w-why exactly are you keeping me alive?" 

"What second shipment?" Bridgess asked again, putting his knife to my throat for dramatic effect. It's a common misbelief that when someone holds a knife to your throat you can feel the knife against your skin. I didn't. What I did feel was a drop of warm itchy wetness that ran down my neck.

"I have conditions."

The knife at my throat twitched. It was a small movement, but enough to draw more blood. I felt pain now. A line of warmth at my Adam's apple that burned more the longer I waited.

"I want to be the one who kills SmashStone," I growled.

As I expected, Seth pulled his knife away. Bad guys are funny like that. Beg for your life and they'll just laugh as they kill you, even if it hurts them too. Tell them you want to kill their greatest rival? They'll give you a frickin weapon and let you walk out the door with it. As far as they're concerned, it's still a death sentence. 

Bridgess peered at me suspiciously. What I said wasn't a lie per se. He could see it. But he was sharper than the usual thug. He had to be.

"SmashStone and his damned bricks are destroying this city," I claimed wildly. "I hate them! If they weren't tearing up the city, you lot wouldn't have had to steal from them--Jerry wouldn't be dead!" 

"I get it," Bridgess snorted. "You're just a brat out on a revenge scheme. We get boys like you every other weekend."

I let go of another breath I didn't know I was holding. I tried to speak up again but Bridgess cut me off with a furious look.

"But no one. I repeat, no one walks in here with a SmashStone burn on their chest and leaves unscratched."

"But I hav--"

"NO ONE chooses BloodBlades as a second choice! You're playing with fire and now you're going to get burned. Twice."

"I joined the SmashStones to find out where the second shipment was." Seeing as how Bridgess didn't just skewer me on the spot, I took that as permission to continue. "It's high-grade Rock, like the first shipment. SmashStone always keeps half of the drugs that come through."

"Because he's a user," Bridgess interrupted. Everyone knew SmashStone was addicted to Rock; it's what caused his body to mutate so aggressively.

"Right," I said thinking quickly, "But he had some left over from the last shipment." It was a shallow excuse, but it was one Bridgess bought. He twisted the knife in his hand anxiously. Like he wasn't sure if he wanted to stab me with it, use it to cut my bonds, or stab himself. Now that I had a train of thought, the rest of the story came easily. "He has enough left over to feed his habit this month too. But it's bad. SmashStone's pissed! He wants to retaliate for the raid even more than he wants the money from this shipment."

"That's preposterous!" Bridgess spat. I was impressed. I hadn't thought he'd know the meaning of the word, let alone correctly use it in a sentence.

"It's true! He's giving the whole shipment over to his boys tonight at ten. They'll be marching here to pull this building down brick by brick before eleven."

Bridgess punched the drywall. His hand tore right through it. "Over my dead body."

"Probably," I noted. Bridgess glared murderously. "I mean, probably--if I didn't know exactly where the second shipment was and when it was unguarded."

"Unguarded? How? Where?"

Hook, line, and sinker, I thought again.

Out loud I said, "Warehouse 15. You guys have caused more damage to them than you might think. Half their boys are out of commission and they've been forced to only post one guard during daylight hours."

"How--"

I cut him off for once. "I'm the guy assigned from nine to ten. The last chance for you and your crew to really put the hurt on SmashStone."

Seth Bridgess looked like he'd found religion. He made a show of distrust, much like Terry Mac before him, but in Bridgess' case, it was just the motions. He was halfway out the door before he remembered that I was still tied down in the room.

He neatly flicked his wrist and the knife was at my bonds. It was a casual move, one he obviously didn't plan on, because his hand jerked to a stop mere millimeters away from granting me my freedom. It was clear, even in the moment, that some part of him was conflicted.

This was a dangerous moment for me. Technically, Bridgess had everything he needed for the op. I wasn't necessary. But on the other hand, if things went wrong and I wasn't alive to take the blame, Cutter might just shift that blame.

"If I don't show up to my shift--on time--at nine o'clock the SmashStones will know something's up." 

Bridgess hesitated. Whatever train of thought he had was shaken. "That's not enough." His breath washed over me, stinking of cigarettes--and something else. At the time I couldn't place that something. But it was a scent I would soon become intimately familiar with. I smelled almonds on his breath.

"If I take this to Cutter he'll cut me. I need something damn good to tell them before they'll trust you."

Just like before, I held the goon's gaze. I thought hard about Jerry. It hurt so much to think about my friend. The only white kid in the Heap. Out of all of us, he alone had a chance to make good on his promise to escape. The rest of us would need a miracle. I was looking right at the guy who probably lead the raid on the SmashStone drug transfer. If hate were a flame, I had enough fire to burn Bridgess alive. No more kids in caskets.

"You have what you need," I told him. "There's only one thing on my mind. I'm going to kill SmashStone."

Bridgess let his knife fly. My bonds came loose and I slumped in the chair. My arms were weak. I'd already lost so much blood. My breath was ragged. My lungs couldn't have hurt more if I'd gotten a faceful of fiberglass dust.

"Thanks," I grunted. "Take this-take this information straight to Cutter. You'll need everyone. Have everyone there on the west side of the warehouse by eight-thirty. When nine o'clock rolls around, it's all yours."

Bridgess bobbed his head several times. "One more thing, kid."

I started to ask what it was, but before I'd even opened my mouth, Seth Bridgess poked his knife into the burn on my chest and twisted. For the second time that day, I screamed bloody murder.

"The pain. You take that, and you walk outta here with it. And just remember, if you back out now, there's much worse we'll do to you before we kill you."

I don't think I answered him. He shoved me through the door where I stumbled and fell. The other members jeered and threw red Solo Orbs at me. The Orbs are just some kind of mouth-sized seaweed compound that replaced plastic cups after the Great Corporate War. The company died along with the rest of them, but their name stuck around for some reason. Anyway, the Orbs didn't hurt too bad when they hit, but they did burst open like water balloons and drench me in various sports drinks.

I made it past the goons. The daylight struck at my eyes like a lance. My eyes burned even as I blinked about a million times to try and get them to adjust.

"Good luck kid," one of the guards murmured as I passed him. I couldn't tell you who it was, I never found out. As out of it as I was, I couldn't even tell you what the guy looked like.

I'd been through hell. There was only one place I wanted to go now. Home. And fortunately for me, the place would be empty.

[bounnostra]

ch. 1 || TRIAL 1.7 || SCOURGE || [ re: kinda DUCK ; attn: everyone ig ]

PIP’s throwing a pity party for himself over in the corner. That’s fine because, frankly, SCOURGE doesn’t give a damn anymore. If the dude wanted people to take him seriously, he should have, y’know, thought any of the other prior bullshit he did through. The migraine honestly makes it really hard to think through all this evidence that feels so disjointed, but they've got to keep trying. Nothing good will come of them throwing in the towel (ha). 

They lean back in their chair, not enough to tip it backwards or anything, but enough to separate their mind from the nonsense of the people around them. Distantly, they listen to what DUCK’s saying, giving her another lax shrug at her reaction to them immediately spilling the information she gave them.

It’s partway into the annoying shit BOOTS is spewing that they focus fully back on the table, suddenly with an idea in mind. 

( Featuring, they give BOOTS a disgusted, irritated look at being winked at. Yeah, getting they’re approval, of all people, would never be on a list of achievements SCOURGE would admit winning. )

Their mouth is pressing into a fine line, brows furrowed, as they flip to a new page in their notebook once more. These disjointed pieces that have to fit together somehow -- they fucking have to. They don’t like the idea of having any level of faith in Gambit, but, if they’re to use his logic, there would be no fun if the group couldn’t win against the killer. What are the stakes in that?

So. Everything has to fit. Somehow.

The notes they’re writing are scribbled, dredging up bullshit that was said who knows how long ago.

( The knife. The towel. The fire. The -- )

Hm. Something DUCK just said a moment ago strikes a chord. They look up from their notebook and begin to speak. 

“I know we keep circling back to magical bullshit. And I get why. But it’s not getting us anywhere. I said earlier: the simplest reasons are sometimes the right ones. We might be overthinking a lot of this shit.”

Briefly, when they repeat the phrase, there’s a harsher edge to their voice. Well, it’s already been well-established that they really don’t like having to repeat themself unnecessarily. People should be paying better attention to the things they say, honestly.

( These folks better be appreciating the work they’re putting into this. They might have to try flipping this damn table if this gets dismissed in favor of some outlandish magic bullshit for the five hundredth time. )

“Similarly. We can go back and forth all day ‘bout why wasn’t Runa healing, why was she so weak. It’s not like I got a medical degree or anything, so I’m no fucking expert here: but what if Runa was sick?”

SCOURGE points vaguely at the rest of the group with their pen, as if expecting a protest and preemptively shushing any. 

“...Before you jump on my ass ‘bout how she mighta been fucked up or whatever from exhaustion and all that shit, I want you to consider a few things. ‘Cause I fucking know it sounds a little outlandish. The killer tried to burn the body: I can’t say I remember a shit ton ‘bout the Plague section from when we studied the Medieval Times and shit, but wouldn’t people burn bodies during outbreaks like that?”

It’s been a while since whatever grade they learned that shit in. But they’re pretty sure that was a thing that happened at some point in history. 

“Also. The knife. It was in boiling water -- even if they had to wash it for some reason, rather than just tossing it somewhere -- why go through the trouble of boiling it? They coulda rinsed it off in the lake, in a sink, but the knife was in boiling water. To sterilize it.”

As they continue to talk, it’s like they’re gaining some steam. They’re not talking faster or sounding excited by any means, but they lean in a bit more over the table, getting more engaged. The hand holding their pen gestures every so often as they speak.

“Plus. No matter what those fucking dishes were for, no one’s claiming the towel. That means the killer dumped it. If we wanna give ORWELL the benefit of the doubt -- which honestly, I don’t, but I’ll work with all your stubborn asses on this for now -- why would the killer go through the trouble of dumping a dirty towel in a super fucking hot bath? ORWELL himself mentioned it: germs don’t do so well with hot temperatures and shit.”

“There’s a fucking theme here -- and we keep blowing things over the top ‘bout magic and all this shit instead of looking at the normal fucking option we have right in front of us. We need to be considering the why, and this seems like a train of thought we really should be thinking ‘bout.”

[blacknovelist]

K A T S U K I B A K U G O, for the ask thingy please! Thank you!

i love these letter headcanons so much, my dudes

(okay so like, honesty hour it’s been a Solid While since I’ve read BNHA and I haven’t caught up yet but here’s my hot takes as requested.

I think the last I solidly caught up was about, like, the cultural festival? So if something happened later to like, contradict with these, just disregard it and don’t let me know - I’ll catch up and see for myself eventually.)

K: how do you know when you’ve upset them?

See, the thing about Bakugo is - he’s a loud sort, and it’s easy to assume (so very, very, very easy) that he is so in everything he ever does. He screams and hisses and swears and shouts at so many things, it’s his defining trait. The thing is, it’s not his volume that tells you first, if you know what to look for.

Nah, it’s in the look on his face. The way the lines of his cheek n jaw shift and his hands twitch and for a moment he ain’t just glaring and frowning at you or the world but at himself, too. When he realizes he’s upset his first instinct is always to reach inward, somehow - whether bodily or mentally or both, it depends - and study it. Examine it. Look at it. Once he’s got it pinned, then, then he’s gotta look for an outlet - a means to further that understanding if you will. And sometimes maybe also he’ll look to lash out at someone he sees as responsible for his pain, if such a person exists. It’s just, his brain works so fast - Bakugo is a prodigy in his own right, brilliant beneath all that rage - that actually noticing that moment, not passing it off as a fidget or a twitch or anything else it isn’t, is already hard enough as it is.

See like, his shouting, it’s a defense, but it’s also just who he is (be loud, they’ll notice you, attention is good). It’s that half-step pause, when he’s knocked off balance and that unsure look crosses his face as he does, thats when you know.

And then he’ll blast your ears off one way or another, and if you didn’t notice he’ll usually get louder and start cussing you out and you kind of have to notice. Unless you’ve really really upset him - then he goes a little quieter (in the way a car horn is softer than a foghorn) and obliterates you with his words. Bakugo will always know the most efficient way to shut someone down using only his words, you just gotta coax him to it. And when he’s upset, well, no one wants to keep talking to someone who’s made them upset - ending the conversation by returning the favor is just a bonus.

(Of course, I’m registering “upset” as not including or being the same as “anger”, at least at it’s core (bc he’ll progress to being angry abt it eventually), because Bakugo being angry is something we’re all quite familiar with. And of course, this is assuming someone has found the right buttons to push to even make him upset, given the fact that I also believe he just doesn’t care enough to really let what others say get to him.

If anyone’s gonna make Bakugo genuinely upset, I’d bet more money on it being himself - thinking, dreaming, wondering, questioning everything he’s done and is doing and will someday do, probably - than anyone else. But were that not the case, well. Here we are.)

A: what are/were their best subjects in school?

Bakugo is a boy of many talents - you need the best grades to get into UA, after all. I think he probably did best in English, because All Might is known to speak English phrases from time to time. (This is related to the fact that Bakugo is the English teacher in Ageswap)

He likely also is good with chemistry, given his Quirk - he’s gotta understand reactions and gases and which ones are where generally, the interactions of substances and those gasses with his Quirk and also their reactions when exposed to heat/light/etc, what things he can use to fuel explosions or put out fires caused by it, so on.

T: Where are they ticklish?

I don’t particularly imagine Bakugo as a ticklish person? Partially because he wouldn’t let anyone close enough to tickle, but mostly because he just doesn’t strike me like that (and it’s not because I’m not ticklish, because I am unfortunately extremely so). If I had to give a place, I’d say it’s probably somewhere a little strange, like the soles of his feet or the back of his neck or something.

S: How stealthy are they?

At first glance, unbelievably so. Those who know Bakugo know better, of course, but nonetheless. Despite the boisterous and angry manner Bakugo holds himself he is, again, extremely smart. He knows when to be subtle, when to quiet down and, most important in this case, when to lay low and sneak.

I don’t think I’d put him as like, top sneaker of the class, but the boy knows how to creep when he needs to. On a scale where say, Hagakure was 10/10, I’d pin him a solid 6 or 7/10 when he’s actually trying.

U: What’s their voice like?

I’ve always imagined his voice as always having a sort of… edge to it. Not a gritty-sounding emo sort of edge but like,, like he’s always chomping at the bit to end a conversation, I guess. Also, he talks a little quickly when he’s not swearing specifically at someone - not so fast that he’s incomprehensible, but more like what he’s saying is obvious and he can’t understand why you don’t see it that way either. It’s not malicious or on purpose, it’s just how he is.

I: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?

Mmm. As a kid, a solid 9 or 10 - back then he was too young, just a boy with the entire damn world at his fingertips. He never had reason to believe he was anything less than the absolute best, and that’s fine.

At the start of the series I’d say he, to others, looks like he’s always on the high end of the spectrum (7-10 out of 10), and I’d say back then he probably felt it too. Middle schoolers are the absolute worst, I have no trouble believing he has that much confidence in the beginning.

By the boot camp he’s still putting off solid 7-10 vibes (I think there’s never a time he isn’t putting on that air with the world so just assume he is pls) but I think - with all the hits his self-confidence, what with how different UA is to anything else he’s ever known - he’s sitting at closer to 5’s and 6’s. After Kamino? He drops below 5 and for every moment he thinks about it (about the fight, about All Might, about the hero career that almost ended and the one that actually did) it continues to go down. The thing being, of course, that he doesn’t act it, and a part of me imagines he stays in partial denial (“I feel like this but maybe I don’t”) until about the provisional license. (Though, I don’t think he drops lower than 3)

Idk, maybe it’s just been a while and I’m overthinking it but I get the vibes that Bakugo vaguely acknowledging Izuku in that moment in the exam? It was kinda the moment it clicked in his own brain, an understanding of what Izuku has been given based on what he knows, so to speak, and how different it is from him. I think that’s when he stops denying how low he thinks he’s sunk, which leads to him wanting to get answers, which leads to the fight. Which is such a good moment, holy shit.

I think it’s after that that Bakugo starts working towards building himself back up internally. Needing to take that additional thing to get his license was a blow, but he’s nothing if not determined - he’ll make that comeback, just you wait. He’s a solid and even 6-7 by the cultural festival, and holding strong.

(Again: I haven’t caught up with canon for a very long time, so if canon seems to contradict me or if you’re looking for a look at how he is now, sorry)

B: Do they have any allergies?

Nope. Everyone hates him come allergy season because he’s always cool as a cucumber and the same as he always is.

G: How do they flirt?

man, this is so far out of my jurisdiction

here’s some true facts kids: I don’t generally judge ships and if it’s in character i’ll read almost anything

but i’m also not a shipper, at all. Given the option, I’d sooner throw my entire being into the pit that is “platonic shit” than have to deal with an excess of it.

So like, I’m not here for romance, and I tend to rely on tropes when I am, but Bakugo lands in that hotspot of “would not fulfill those romance tropes on his own of his own volition”.

I guess if I had to say, I think he’d probably extend invitations to let the person he’s interacting with learn more about him in general - hobbies n habits n shit like that. That is to say, he’d absolutely invite someone hiking or to spar or whatever in an attempt to both learn abt the person (how do they react) and to let them learn about him. He’s always struck me as being kind of private, so like, such a leap would probably mean a lot.

That’s as much as I’m getting from this one mate

O: What would it take to break them, inside and out?

We’ve already caught a good damn glimpse of this - you know that breakdown he has with Izuku, when he’s blaming himself for being the end of All Might?

Bakugo thrives on hard work and being the best (or at least, striving for it), and that leaves a number of ways for him to break, it’s just that he’s incredibly resilient as a person so it’s hard to tell.

The frustration of trying his best and still ending a situation with the worst case - a la Kamino but worse - would absolutely destroy him. Can you imagine? Working hard and powering through and doing everything in your damn power to do the right thing, to save yourself so you can save others, to be a hero, only for it to be for literally nothing in the end? The specific scenario I’ve got in mind is a little more long-term; I believe that if something big happened like that and he came out thinking it ended well enough, only for a shoe the size of the USA to drop on his head and disrupt everything he’s worked towards? Rendering nearly all their work for nothing? Revealing that he and everyone else played right into the villains’ hands, essentially making this their own faults?

Well, something would break in just any anyone.

(Alternately, a realization that everything you do is meaningless and a constant reinforcement of “you’ll never be who you want to be” would also do a pretty damn good job)

[save-the-spiral]

What does magic feel like?

The wizard looks at you as if in disbelief at such a vague question. She looks down at her weapon- an almost ridiculously large scythe, glowing vibrant green against the dark iron blade, inscribed with probably hundreds of symbols, the symbols running down the dark wood of the handle as well.

You had been asking questions non-stop since this mysterious woman saved you from what she called ‘Lost Souls’, since she dragged you into this weird warehouse, surrounded by crates and trash. 

She said you were a wizard like her, except you’re older than when most realize it.

“You want the long answer or the short answer kid?” The wizard finally said, her hands moving with purpose as she began to sharpen her scythe’s blade. 

“I’ve got time.” You said, sitting on the floor with your back to a crate, looking at her pointedly when she glanced at you, analyzing you.

The wizard huffed, rolling her eyes and looking back down at her blade.

“Magic feels like… Well, it’s a lot of things. It depends on where you are, what you’re doing. Depends on your school too- don’t ask, I’ll tell you in a sec, kid. Magic is what holds the Spiral together, and the Spiral’s what holds the universe together, so basically, magic is everything, it’s everywhere, in everyone except the normal humans and animals on Earth.” 

She paused, running her fingers along the edge of her blade, some of her long black hair falling in front of her face. 

“I suppose I should start with the schools, huh? They’re the easiest to explain.” 

The rhetorical question almost made you roll your eyes, but you resisted- this was the most she’s talked at all since you met her, which was only hours ago, but still. 

“Storm magic is wild. It feels like there’s something in your soul that wants to break free, and you let it. There’s the howling winds of a hurricane, the soft drizzle of a summer breeze, there’s so much when you combine the wind and sky and rain in one school of magic. And it’s powerful stuff, one of the harder schools to master for a reason. Fizzling left and right, frustrated and angry when you’re just starting out. In a way, it’s the perfect school for the creative types, from artists to inventors. Storm magic is knowing failure, whether it’s a sinking ship or a fizzled spell or a faulty machine. The magic is always loud, like thunder. It resonates in your chest, steals the air from your lungs.” 

You were probably gonna explode from the amount of questions you had, but the wizard glanced up at you, something odd in her intense gaze as she looked down again at her blade, continuing to speak as she sharpened it.

“Ice magic is solid. It’s cold- as expected. It’ll chill you down to the bone, make you feel paralyzed. But in that immobility, there’s strength, ‘cause nothing can bring you down. You become a glacier, kinda. Protected by your shields, standing before your allies to protect them as well. There’s a responsibility that a lot of ice wizards feel because of that. That’s why ice magic will drive a wizard to want to become the best they can to protect others. In the end, all you get is a lot of emotionally stunted wizards who become martyrs. But there’s another side to them, the protectiveness, the emotions they keep at bay. Ice magic isn’t just glaciers and solidity. It’s also blizzards and hailstorms, dangerous and absolutely ready to kill if necessary. In your brain, you’ll feel like everything is gone, nothing but a desolate tundra. Then, the blizzard hits, and everything is a struggle again as you fight to control ice. It’s all about control, really.” 

The wizard huffed, running a hand through her hair and letting it fall back into place. “But I’m rambling, aren’t I?” She muttered. 

“Fire. Fire is the opposite of ice. Well, you probably know that, but it being the opposite matters when it comes to magic. It means that fire is moving. It’s something that makes your whole body heat up, like every molecule of your body moving so fast that you might just spontaneously combust or something. It’s like a wildfire. There’s the rage, the passion, always wanting to do something- destruction the go-to, but other things are more preferable. That’s why fire wizards are so passionate. They feel things so intensely, they act in extremes. The magic can feel like home, like the hearth that you lie around on cold nights. Fire magic isn’t bad. It’s not always destruction. It’s light, it’s passion. It’s something that’ll make your soul feel like it belongs. But it can be the rage and destruction, and that’s something far too many people forget just before they burn out.” 

You’re enraptured. The wizard’s voice was gradually getting rougher. She probably hadn’t talked this much in a while. She stops sharpening her blade.

“Death is… sacrifice. It can be the heaviness of grief, the pull from rituals, or the cold hands that drag you under. You summon things that aren’t meant to be summoned. You give everything for this magic, be it your own magical energy, your blood, your innocence, your life. It’s all about understanding the necessity of keeping the worlds in balance, keeping it all fair. There’s an acceptance that you feel, something that clicks in your chest, makes your heart beat a little slower than it should. Death brings that resignation to a fate, a destiny, beyond just one wizard’s control. It takes, and only gives back half, but it’s still fair, somehow.“

The wizard’s fingers moved, twitching and tracing along the symbols engraved into her weapon. Some of them glowed a silvery grey, and she almost smiled.

“Myth is the past, and the future. The magic feels all-knowing, kind of. Like you can just think things to life. You bring in companions, allies to aid you in battle. You summon creatures of old, ones that many don’t believe until they see. Myth is the opposite of storm, tame and quiet in a way that can be unsettling. There’s the dust of old books that fills your lungs, and the rumbling destruction of an earthquake spell. Myth is having a certain wisdom, learning from the past and knowing well enough not to mess with the future. The magic has a certain stability that’s hard to find, hard to put into words.” 

She laughed tiredly, her painted fingernails digging into the grooves of her scythe’s blade. “My wife’s a myth wizard. I love her, but dang does she overthink things, always a conjurer, even though she rarely practices magic.” 

“Life magic feels like- well, it might be different for you, because I’m a life wizard, anyway- it feels like you’re whole. Healthy. You’re one of the most important people because of what you do, saving people. By listening to the music of the Spiral, the Song of Creation, we can channel our magic better, by being in tune with the universe. Healing comes natural to us. It’s in our soul. Life is the opposite of death, and that means that for most of us, we feel like we’re invincible, in a way. Always protected from others, always pushing away death and mortality, defying it-”

The wizard almost flinched, her eyes squeezing shut as her breath hitched. She set her scythe aside. “I’ll just move on.” She muttered, trying to look calm.

“Balance is the last of the main seven. It’s the culmination of the first six, turning into a whole new type of magic. It feels like you’ve found something bigger than yourself. You can manipulate any of the other six, because understanding is everything when it comes to balance magic. It’s powerful. You know all the strengths and weaknesses, you can decide whether others are victorious or defeated. It takes a wizard with a strong will, and a lot of determination. Balance is more than what it seems at first, and in reality it is probably one of the harder schools to master.” 

She leaned back, her body relaxing completely as she closed her eyes. 

You hesitated.

“C’mon. I’m sure you have a million questions, kid. You did before.” 

There’s just so much! So many worlds, so much magic!  You could barely process it all.

“Let’s start of easy, kid. I don’t think I got your name, you mind telling me?” She sat up, leaning towards you.

You stared at her blankly, almost unimpressed, and answered, giving only your first name.

She smirked at you. “Now we’re getting somewhere. The name’s Morelle RavenHunter. Nice to officially meet you, kid.” 

[amazildoessomethingstupid]

Chapter 87: Boy Toy

Oh boy, this one was a trip for me.  I’ll start out by saying the main problems I have with this chapter are primarily with the start because that is so...ugh. We start off with Daisy caring about Paulo, and Abbey being a jealous little fuckboy. But that’s not what we’re here for is it? No.  We’re here because of this 

Oh boy.  Yeah that is definitely gay behavior that would totally bring someone’s sexuality into question.  I mean just look at this.  Who the fuck does that?  I mean someone’s up in your face, and acting all tough and stuff.  So in order to show how much it doesn’t care and just to piss them off you kiss them?  Jesus christ that would make anyone question their sexuality!

I mean god, just look at those fucking gays! My god.

Okay, but in all honesty this really is stupid, and when I heard and saw this shit it left such a sour taste in my mouth because it’s so ignorant to imply this is gay given the context of both of these characters and the situation.  Because this to me doesn’t make me believe that Paulo is starting to act gay or in a way that would make him question his sexuality.  It’s actually the opposite, because to me this is an act of defiance, it shows Paulo’s comfortable enough in his sexuality that he’d kiss a guy to piss him off and not even think twice about whether or not it’s gay.  

Then we move on to the immediate next page where there’s another thing to bring up because 

First of all, Mike where the fuck have you been?  Look at this scene composition: 

Who the fuck was talking to you Mike?! No seriously, who was talking to you?  This is the same scene, same place.  I know it’s the next page, but seriously was there a time skip in-between pages? Was there cut dialogue? Why is he saying that?  No one seemed to be talking to him before.  This is weird composition, and it’s messing with my head a little.  But that’s just probably a rewritten bit of dialogue from trying to write and rewrite this scene to make it more presentable and less clunky.

Unfortunately it didn’t work, because these bits of dialogue seem clunky as hell.  First of all what is Mike even talking about with “I’m not against guys, uh...” I guess he means “against guys kissing” so it’s clear he’s insinuating Paulo has The Gay(tm).  But this just seems like such an awkward thing to say, maybe “Hey, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with you...y’know...” or something like that.  Why is he being broad about it “I’m not against guys...” and not “I’m not against you...” what do other guys have to do with it?  It seems like even he doesn’t know what he’s trying to say.  And I don’t get the point of “It doesn’t seem like something you’d normally do”  like, I guess yeah but if Mike’s earnestly trying to be supportive here, wouldn’t he say something like “I mean if that’s what you wanna do, that’s what you wanna do...” or “Hey I’m not judging or anything, I mean you do you man.” Why would he say it like that?  As if this would be something out of.. character...

OH HA HA HA VERY FUCKING FUNNY YOU SON OF A BITCH 

Oh yeah, and Paulo’s reaction is just ridiculous.  Guy goes from zero to one hundred, and jumps to the conclusion that he’s being called gay even though Mike’s language has been pretty vague and not really even saying “gay”.  I guess maybe that’s what Taeshi was trying to accomplish here, but it just comes off as weird.  And according to the author’s notes Paulo’s reaction was actually supposed to be even MORE overblown than this.

But moving on from this awkward exchange, we go to the next page where Paulo is now in a tissy, and 

HOLY SHIT ffffff god I just got visual whiplash!  Is that even a thing?!  Like the whole big head style is whatever, but jesus christ Rachel, what are you? 3 feet tall?  Reminder: Rachel is at least a year older than Paulo, and is also a chubby puppy.  What the heck is this?  Remember kids: If you base character size based on how short they are comparatively to the people around them and not based on how tall they are from the ground, you can find yourself falling into the trapping of making your characters dwarves.  And if you have a style that gives them big anime eyes, and petite bodies, you might accidentally turn them into lolis.  And if you’re not okay with that, then you must quickly reevaluate your stylistic choices.

But anyway, I know this is long but don’t worry kids I’m not gonna roast every single page.  Just every page that I got problems with.  And there’s nothing as bad with the next few pages.  Matt invites Paulo to a party, and Paulo being an angsty confused little shit is rude to him at first.  But luckily the best character in this entire comic is here to set him straight 

Have I mentioned how much I love Rachel?  Cause I do.  A lot.  And this is a big part of my reason why.  She’s not one to put up with other people’s bullshit, even those that she loves. 

She’s not gonna let that shit stew for months or shit, nah she’s gonna call you out the moment she sees it, and she’s gonna set you straight.  She’s not gonna put up with anyone’s shit, and I fucking love her for that.  You fucking go girl!

...

And don’t tell me about what’s coming up...I already know...

I got a bottle a jack ready for it, but I don’t know if I’m ready for it...

anyway I guess this isn’t so bad, I mean my only real problem with this chapter is how Paulo’s  sexuality is being handled here.  I feel like it could definitely have been handled better and more naturally, especially if it wasn’t spurred on by him fucking with Abbey, maybe if it was another character like...

Oh yeah!  David!  Hey, that’s a good point! David would’ve been perfect for a chapter like this.  I mean, if I had to write Paulo questioning his sexuality his relationship with David would be an obvious go to.  I mean they’re practically inseparable, and it’d be easy to use that to be how Paulo would start to question his sexuality!  And while I hate to put myself in Taeshi’s shoes, because I would never want to be her; if I were writing a chapter where Paulo starts to realize he’s bi or starts to question his sexuality, I’d start with his relationship with David.  I mean it’s pretty much all but confirmed that David is gay if not bi himself, and from an outsider’s point of view one would easily presume that they were gay together.  So what if Paulo’s talking to Matt or something, like when he’s getting invited to Matt’s Aunt’s house.  And Matt says Paulo can bring David as well. And Paulo would laugh about it and be like “Hey, I don’t have to bring David everywhere it’s not like we’re a couple or anything. I got Rachel!”  And Matt would be like “ha, could’ve fooled me~”  or something like that.  Just off-handedly joking about it, but it plants the idea in Paulo’s head that maybe his relationship with David is kinda gay, and that’s what makes him start to overthink things.  And he could start acting out against David, like trying to push him away which causes him to get upset and figure out what’s wrong eventually getting him to open up about it.  Man David would be perfect for this chapter!  Maybe he can help show Paulo how being gay isn’t bad, or show him that his behavior is nothing to be worried or upset over!  Maybe by showing an actual platonic friendship with someone who is gay, Paulo can realize the nuance of being gay an-

Oh that’s all that we get out of David for this chapter huh?  Okay, that’s cool....

Well after this nothing really happens in this chapter.  Paulo sees Daisy again, and gets flustered/scared? And decides to go watch a movie because...he told Daisy he’d do that.  It’s pretty contrived. 

In fact the whole movie part of this chapter is contrived, and doesn’t serve any real purpose besides giving us 6 pages of Paulo just overthinking things, and being confused.  There’s not much to comment on, besides this scene composition 

First of all, indeed WHAT DO YOU MEAN NC-17?! Movies don’t get released into theaters with an NC-17 that shit’s straight to DVD.  That’s the unrated cut, with titties and shit.  What the heck kind of theater is showing that?  What cinema is this? 

 AMAYA!

AMAYA, ARE YOU FUCKING SHOWING NC-17 MOVIES?! YA FREAK! WHAT KIND OF PORNO THEATER SHIT ARE YOU RUNNING HERE?! 

Okay but all jokes aside, after this Paulo reassures his sexuality for a moment when he bumps into a girl and...

flirts? I dun get it.  Is this all it takes to remind him that he is also into chicks? Well that was easy, and...

wait...DID YOU POP A BONER?  I-is that what’s going on here?  What’s going on here?  This feels really contrived, like it needed to be expanded upon more to make it organic. Anyway speaking of contrivances

Hello Mike, I see now why all this is happening.  You see, I have a theory about this chapter and its purpose with having Paulo be bi.  Actually, I have a few theories on its purpose, but one of them is that, this...all of this...is wind in the sails.  Because, it may be too early to say this but I’m like 99% that this whole Paulo questioning his sexuality thing, isn’t going to lead anywhere.  And before you fucking @ me about Jordan, let me ask you...did that really need to happen?  Did it really change his character?  Does this change Paulo’s views on his relationships, or potential relationships?  Do you think this is going to affect his personality or actions in a non-hamfisted way? Cause call me cynical but I don’t.  I don’t think it will.  What I think this is for, and especially why Mike is going to be the one explaining to Paulo why it’s okay to be gay is because...

Taeshi wants to blow wind in the sails of people who ship Paulo with Mike...

And somewhere, somehow, in some dark secluded corner of the earth...A man named Raxki Yamato just had the biggest, sloppiest, most intense orgasm of his entire life...only a select few of you will probably get that joke.

Anyway, Mike takes Paulo to his house to tutor and...

W-was Paulo checking out Haley?  That’s...admittedly weird. 

Anyway, the story rears it’s face in again and imma keep it real with you chiefs...

I actually like this page.  This part with Mike talking to Paulo about Sandy is really nicely done.  It brings up a dynamic I actually didn’t quite realize between Paulo and Mike in that they both have had relationships where their girlfriend is often too busy to make time for them.  And I really like this.  I like their dialogue, it feels very in character, especially Paulo’s snarky quip in the above picture.  I just love it. 

aaaaaaaaaaaand we’re back on that gay shit again! But don’t worry, because I actually like this part.  

This back and forth between Mike and Paulo, is exactly what I was talking about with the beginning of this chapter.  This whole exchange works, having them going back and forth between uncomfortable conversation to light hearted banter is precisely how this whole thing should’ve been handled.  And I really like how it’s handled here.  

But anyway we finally end the chapter with a follow up scene with Rachel and 

For real look at her.  If I showed you this picture out of context, what would you guess her age?  12? 10? 8? Like for real, this shit is ridiculous. 

But anyway, Paulo apologizes to Rachel for being stupid and taking it out on Matt, coming to the understanding that he doesn’t understand and that’s okay.  And Rachel reistablishes herself as the saving grace of this comic once again and all is well.  

Overall I give this chapter a 3/10.  After all the shit I’ve heard about this chapter, I kinda expected it to be completely bad, but Taeshi didn’t shit the bed completely and there was some actually good moments in this chapter.  But I still give it a 3 because 70% of this chapter was still bad.  The beginning of this was insultingly convoluted, the middle bit was dumb and kind of pointless, and if it weren’t for the end bit where the characters actually felt like their characters I’d rate this even worse.  But all in all, not all bad at least it’s not too insulting.  The worst part of it is just that it feels pointless if not redundant.  Because another theory I’ve heard spread about this chapter is that it was done to explain away Paulo’s homophobic behavior in past volumes, which to me is what really ruins this for me.  Because, it is such a trope to have the homophobic character be homophobic because he’s secretly gay/bi.  It’s fucking stupid, especially since you could’ve easily had a natural way of showing Paulo break away from his homophobic tendencies through Matt!  In fact, that’s what I presumed was happening.  

Paulo would just naturally not want to piss off Matt cause Matt’s a pretty cool guy, and friends with Rachel, so he’d try to not say homophobic shit, or maybe Matt would call him out on that stuff and Paulo would realize the pain his words cause and would learn the error of his ways, and naturally try to stop saying those things.  But alas, this is how it goes, and in the end it gets a 3/10 it’s not like December bad, but it sets a precedence for this character that I know isn’t going to matter.  And I guess TL;DR the best I could say about this chapter is: 

(I was also gonna do the interlude here, but this shit is fucking LOOONG so I’ll do it for the next post.  See you guys then)