#(I still don't know how any of it works and how people make the little game people do things. but that doesn't matter.)

[planetarytransformation]

so many of the transfems i know spent their time pre-transition performing a kind of lifelong exercise in self-deprivation, the goal of which was to find out exactly how little a person needed to live. they starved themselves, dressed carelessly, shunned friends, and hollowed themselves out so as not to be burdens on anyone but themselves.

i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.

i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.

and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.

so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-denial that so many of us once learned to rely on.

and if you are so lucky as to love a trans girl, you must insist upon her. you must insist upon her happiness, her comfort, her pleasure, and her rest, because she may still not yet know how to make those demands for herself. if you can devote any amount of energy to becoming an engine that nurtures the flame of even a single tgirl then there is a place for you in trans heaven, which as far as i'm concerned is the only one worth going to

[theosbaby]

brokenhearted

theodore nott x fem!reader

masterlist

summary; theo breaks up with his girlfriend and you comfort him, but things get a little bit heated in the process.

warnings; a bit of angst, heavy make out (this shit is long af), NSFW, some light dirty talk, praising, dry humping, p in v, marking, hair pulling, unprotected sex... that's all, i think. this is kinda a fluffy smut.

author's note; i'm back!! i'm sorry for disappearing for such a long time, i hope this makes up for it ♡ (i don't really like how it turned out, but i hope you do). ps: thank you all so much for still supporting my acc while i was gone! i appreciate it so much.

you had been looking for theodore for some time now; the night had fallen already, and you hadn't heard from him since the day before; he didn't go to class, neither contact you in any way. preoccupied, you headed over the astronomy tower again; you had already looked for him there —like four times during the day— but you decided to try again, after all, it was his favourite place in the entire castle. that time, you actually found him there, sitting with his back against the railings and a cigarette between his lips... classic theo.

when he noticed your presence, he looked up at you and bluntly said, "luna broke up with me." his expression was almost emotionless, but you knew him well enough to know he was hurting deep down.

"what?" you gasped, your brow furrowed, as you walked slowly to take a seat by his side on the floor.

you didn't know what to say or how to act; his admission had taken you by surprise. one part of you —the part of you that was crazy in love him— wanted to scream and cry happy tears at the news, but the other part empathised with him, making you feel his pain.

you hated seeing him suffer.

"yeah, she said it wasn't working out," theo replied.

he took one last drag from his cigarette before blowing out the smoke and tossing it aside as he looked up at the stars, his eyes distant and lost in thought. you kept quiet, not wanting to interrupt him so he could let it all out.

"i guess she's right, though. we never really had anything in common." he chuckled bitterly, shaking his head before talking again, "i don't know why i'm surprised, though. i'm not the most lovable person, am i?"

his eyes met yours, and you could see the pain in them. he was your best friend; you knew damn well the baggage he carried on his shoulders, the trauma his mother's death and his father's neglect had caused on him. theo was not one to get attached to people because of that and every time he lost someone, grief hit him like a truck, even if he didn't let it show. you reached to grab his large hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"hey, that's not true," you told him, your voice softening to try and reassure him, "don't say that."

theo gave you a small smile, his eyes searching yours to try and find comfort in them. he took a deep breath and let it out slowly as his hand squeezed yours back. you could feel the tension emanating from his body, the pain he was trying to hide. then he looked away again, blue eyes dropping to the floor.

"i just... i don't know how to do relationships, you know? i never had any good examples growing up." his voice was quiet as he talked, almost a whisper, like he was telling you his darkest secret and feared someone else could hear him. "my dad... he never loved my mom. he never loved me. and now i feel like i don't know how to be loved, or how to love someone else," he explained, letting out a sigh, his brow furrowed. "i'm sorry. i didn't mean to bring this up..."

"theo..." you muttered, your voice cracking as you cupped his face to force him to look at you, "that's bullshit, alright? listen to me." you stared at him intently as you spoke, gently caressing his cheek, "you're nothing like your father."

theo's eyes remained locked on yours, his gaze searching for any sign of truth in your words. you swore that you saw his eyes fill with tears as he heard you talk, but he quickly blinked them away, not wanting to cry in front of you; crying made him feel vulnerable.

"i needed to hear that," he muttered, leaning into your touch, "thanks."

"want a hug?" you asked, smiling warmly at him.

you both stayed quiet for a few seconds, just staring at each other with an intensity that spoke volumes, and you were so close together that you could see the little freckles that covered his cheeks and nose, painting his skin like constellations painted the starry night sky.

"please," he responded.

you felt him wrapping his strong arms around your slim body and you melted into his embrace, your body heat mingling with his as you felt the tension leaving his muscles. one of your hands rested on his back, rubbing reassuring patterns on in, while the other caressed his soft waves and he sighed contently.

"you always know how to make me feel better," he murmured while pulling away slowly, his eyes filled with gratitude and a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

your eyes dropped to his lips unconsciously, your pulse racing; he noticed your stare and smirked.

"of course," you whispered back, "that's what friends are for."

you wished you could be more than friends, though.

theo watched you as you averted your gaze shyly and he couldn't help but notice how beautiful you looked with the moonlight kissing your pretty face.

"you know," he said quietly, "i've always had this strange feeling about us."

"what feeling?" you asked curiously, chuckling; your cheeks flushed as you looked back at him.

theo took a deep breath before answering, "like we're meant to be together... like i was supposed to meet you and spend my whole life with you." his voice was slightly shaky, as if he was nervous about something.

he looked at you intently, waiting for your reaction.

"well, you ain't getting rid of me anytime soon, so yeah, i guess we're stuck together." you laughed, not understanding what he really meant; you thought he was talking about your friendship.

theo chuckled at your response nervously, shaking his head lightly when he realised you hadn't noticed he was actually trying to confess his feelings; he had always liked you, even though he was dating other girl, he always knew it was you who owned his heart. maybe that was why he couldn't just give luna all the love she deserved.

"i mean... as more than friends," he admitted.

he looked at you intently, searching for a reaction from your part that let him know you felt the same way. his heart was pounding in his chest; that was a big step for him to take.

you couldn't help but smile, anxiously biting your lower lip as you dropped your gaze to the ground.

"your mom used to say that we were going to end up together someday," you whispered with longing.

your smile turned into a sad one as you mentioned her; you knew theo missed her a lot, and to be honest, you missed her too. you turned towards him just to see that he was smiling back at you, but his smile didn't really reach his eyes.

"she always knew what was best for me. i miss her so much." he sighed deeply and tilted his head, resting it against yours. "i only wish she was here."

"she would be so proud of you," you told him, trying to make him feel better.

theo nodded, his voice barely above a whisper as he said, "i really hope so."

he looked at you again and smiled warmly. the air felt intimate and special between the two of you; it was like nothing else mattered but this moment together. and you both knew, you were in love.

"i missed this," you murmured, your eyes dropping to his lips briefly once again.

that time, theo's gaze fell to your lips as well, and you felt your heart pounding in your chest. when theo started dating luna, that intimate conversations with him started getting less frequent, making you drift apart slightly and it had made you realise how much you actually needed him in your life.

"i missed it too," he whispered back, "i missed you."

after a moment of silence, he leaned forward, his lips brushing against yours in a soft, tentative kiss. It caught you off guard, but you returned the kiss, feeling like your soul was about to leave your body as his soft lips caressed yours in such an intimate touch.

but then reality crashed you; you couldn't do it, not when he had just broken up with his girlfriend and he was feeling down, so you put your hand on his chest, reluctantly pulling him away to stop him from kissing you.

"we shouldn't do this..." you shook your head; your faces were so close together that your warm breath hit his face. "you and luna..."

"please," he interrupted you, his voice almost pleading, "make me forget."

"theo, i–" you stuttered.

you were fighting an inner war with yourself; you had been dreaming about that moment for so long, but it didn't felt right to take advantage of the situation like that. you couldn't bear it if he regretted this decision the day after.

he shook his head, as if he could read your mind just looking into your eyes, and cupped your face gently, pulling you closer to him.

"you're everything that's right in my life, sunshine. you're all i need..." he murmured, his voice low and desperate. "you've always been."

your heart melted when you heard him calling you "sunshine". that was the nickname he had given you when you first started being friends; when you asked him why he called you that, he told you that he had picked it because you were the light to his darkness, the only thing that made him truly happy.

you knew theo would never hurt you, that he would prefer to die rather than making you suffer in any way, so any doubt lingering in your mind slowly faded away.

"i'm sorry i didn't have the courage to tell you sooner," he added, his gaze piercing through yours with an intensity that spoke volumes.

"it's better late than never, right?" you whispered, gulping nervously.

you could feel your heart beating in your throat as you stared at him, waiting for him to make a move.

he smirked. "i guess we'll have to make up for the lost time."

and with that, he leaned forward, pressing his lips to yours once more. it was a tender, gentle kiss that started slowly but gradually intensified as his hand slid down towards the small of your back, pressing you closer to his body. time seemed to stand still as you lost yourself in the warmth and comfort of his embrace. you were on cloud nine; lips avidly kissing his and skin prickling wherever he touched you, igniting sparks in your belly. you parted your lips, allowing him to slip his tongue inside your mouth, and you exhaled a sharp breath, whimpering against his lips.

he deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring your mouth with a hunger that mirrored your own. his other hand found its way to your neck, holding you firmly as he continued to devour you with every ounce of passion he possessed. after a few seconds, though, you had to pull away reluctantly to be able to breathe, your chest heaving up and down as you reached up to tangle your fingers in his soft hair, gently caressing it.

he smirked and rested his forehead against yours, his breath hot against your skin. "you're a very good kisser," he murmured, his fingers still running up and down back, leaving a trail of heat in their wake.

he was looking at you with an intensity that made your head spin, your cheeks blushing at the compliment as you smiled back at him.

"you too," you whispered against his lips, unable to resist the urge of leaning in to kiss him once again.

his mouth tasted like mints and cigarettes; it was new, but at the same time, it felt familiar.

you heard him chuckling softly before he returned the kiss, this time slowing things down, as if he wanted to savour every moment he had with you. his hands wandered over your body, memorizing every curve and dip, his touch setting your body on fire. eventually, his fingers found the hem of your shirt, slowly creeping underneath and causing goosebumps to break out on your skin.

your plump lips parted, a shaky breath slipping past them as you felt him caressing your soft flesh ever so delicately, as if he was afraid of breaking you. he took this as an invitation to slide his tongue inside your mouth once again, avidly searching for yours and starting a playful war between the both of you.

you felt his lips forming a smirk against yours, his tongue having apparently won the little play fight it had with yours as he took full control of the kiss. his hand moved down your back, caressing your skin before he gently cupped your ass, squeezing it lightly, which earned him a soft gasp from you. you didn't oppose when he gently pulled at you to bring you closer to his body, making you straddle his lap as he leaned back against the railings.

he finally broke the kiss, letting out a low groan as you settled on top of him. his eyes were dark, and he looked up at you like he wanted to eat you alive. his hands moved to grip your creamy thighs, fingers digging into your skin possessively. you were panting at that point, cheeks flushed and lips swollen from all the kissing, but his breathing was just as ragged as yours, and his heart was beating so fast that he was sure you could hear it if you paid just enough attention to it.

"you're absolutely breathtaking, you know that?" he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

you blushed in response, the smile that appeared in your face impossible to hold in. your small hands cupped his face tenderly, and your thumbs caressed his sharp cheekbones.

"don't say things like that," you muttered, getting all flustered and shy suddenly.

his lips twitched in a amused smile at your reaction, but before he could even say or do anything, your lips was on his again and the feeling was so intense it robbed him of his breath for a moment there.

"i want you so bad," he whispered against your lips, hips bucking up to grind against you unconsciously.

and that's when you felt it. he was hard. the mere discovery had you moaning softly into the kiss, hips grinding down onto his crotch in a desperate attempt to feel him once more as you placed your hands on his chest. good lord, the friction was making his head swim. he groaned in response as he slid his hands up your thighs to grasp at your hips, the need to fuck you coursing through him like a wildfire.

"you're killing me here, sunshine," he muttered, breaking the kiss for a moment before swooping back in for another.

you giggled playfully against his mouth, hips still rocking onto the straining erection in his pants. you weren't thinking straight anymore, your need for him clouding all your rational thoughts; theo was the only thing in your mind in that moment. the feeling was mutual. theo's mind was consumed with wanting you, his hands moving to your ass to encourage your movements, eliciting a whimper from somewhere deep in your throat that sent his head spiralling.

okay, so keeping a semblance of his cool was completely out of the window now.

pulling your lips apart with a loud snap, he growled something that sounded like, "you're a fucking dream."

you responded with a harsh tug at his brown curls, tilting his head back to expose the pale expanse of his neck. you attached your mouth to it greedily, kissing and sucking on his skin as you ground against him, which caused him to literally whimper as he shuddered beneath you.

for god's sake, he did sound pretty whimpering.

meanwhile, you felt one adventurous hand slipping underneath your top and sliding up your belly. theo's hand was on a mission, his fingers tracing along your silky skin before he cupped one of your breasts, gasping at the feel of its weight on his palm. he kneaded it, his other hand reaching up to grip the hem of your shirt while he pushed you away from his neck. he looked up at you, silently asking for permission to undress you.

"it's okay," you whimpered in response, nodding with a little smile on your puffy, red lips.

you knew you were in the middle of the astronomy tower, a public place, but you just couldn't bring yourself to care about it. theo didn't need more encouragement than that, he was already tugging your top over your head, tossing it aside before his eyes feasted on the sight of your naked breasts; his gaze was hungry, devouring every inch of your exposed skin.

"you're so fucking beautiful," he whispered, leaning forward to take one of your nipples into his mouth while his hand pinched and rubbed the other.

"theo," you whined as his tongue flicked your sensitive nub.

your hips resumed their previous movements as you fisted his hair once again; your heart pounded in your chest when you felt his hard cock pressing against your aching pussy, both of your clothes getting in the way as your need grew stronger.

fuck, you were so wet.

his breath was hitching from the friction between your hips, and he tore his lips away from your boob with a desperate moan, his lids falling close, a sheen of sweat already glistening on his brow.

"god damn, fuck me already, would you?"

you couldn't help but chuckle at his desperate plea, leaning forward to kiss his lips once more; it was like you couldn't get enough from him.

you broke the contact after a few seconds, your teeth sinking into his bottom lip to tug at it playfully, then, you asked him, "here?"

his eyes flickered around the tower, barely sparing it a glance before his hungry gaze settled back on you. theo's mind was clouded, his cock aching and his fingers already tugging idly at his zipper.

"the hell if i care..." he mumbled, voice raspy from all the kissing.

you helped him get rid of his clothes, lowering his pants and boxers just enough to free his dick, which sprang against his stomach, long and thick; your mouth watered and now you were eager to have him inside you.

how could a cock be that perfect? not fair.

"fuck, come here."

before you could even process what was happening, you felt his hands gripping the hem of your shorts to tug them down your thighs alongside your panties. you slipped just one leg out of them before he pulled you towards him desperately.

you were completely naked, while he was almost fully dressed, and it was unfair, so you forced him to lift his arms up so you could yank his t-shirt off, exposing his ripped abs. thank you, quidditch.

he pulled you flush against him, skin to skin for the first time today and you both moaned; his hands gripped your hips tightly, fingertips tracing over your bare flesh as he guided you on top of his cock.

"gonna fuck you now, sunshine, you want that?" he asked for your consent, lips peppering kisses all over your collarbone and chest.

"yeah," you mumbled in response, nodding eagerly.

you reached down to wrap your small hand around the base of his shaft, placing the tip against your soaked entrance and lowering yourself onto it. since you both were a little too impatient to do any foreplay, his thick cock sliding inside your tight pussy knocked the air out of your lungs.

theo watched your face, lips parted and panting as you slowly took him inside yourself: he gave a low moan when his cock bottomed out inside you, hands gripping you tightly.

"fuck– baby, so fucking good," he complimented you, whimpering needily.

you stood still for a few moments to get used to his size before you started bouncing up and down on his dick, the delicious drag of his thick cock head against your inner walls making you shiver from pleasure. you gripped his shoulders to try and steady yourself, nails digging into his flesh and leaving bright red marks.

theo grunted, tossing his head back as he felt your walls clutching him. his eyes closed in ecstasy, hands travelling down to grip your ass cheeks and helping you bounce up and down on him a little bit faster.

"shit, baby... so fucking tight," he growled out.

"your cock feels so good," you cried out while dragging your nails down his chest and abs, scratching his skin.

theo hissed as he felt your nails clawing at him. his hands squeezed your ass tighter before he smacked it, groaning. "bad girl... don't scratch."

the slap made you yelp slightly, cheeks flushing red at his words. "wanna mark you up," you confessed, breathlessly, "so everyone knows you're mine."

you stopped bouncing as you felt your legs getting tired, rocking your hips back and forward instead; the new motion made your clit rub against his pelvis, sending pleasure waves down your spine.

theo chuckled, his eyes smouldering. "i am yours, sunshine. always have been."

his hands kept roaming your body, taking in the softness of your skin as he lifted you up just enough to be able to thrust up into you, hard and fast. you grasped at the railings behind him for support, crying out in complete and utter ecstasy as he railed you, hips snapping against yours and creating a wet slapping sound that mingled with your loud moans. your pussy clenched around him, and you felt your belly muscles tightening, signaling your upcoming orgasm. theo's thrusting became more erratic, his breath hitching as he pounded into you, chasing his own release. he grabbed your hair and yanked it back, exposing your neck to him. he leaned in and bit down on the sensitive skin where your shoulder met your neck.

"gonna cum for me like a good girl?" he purred, panting.

"yes, please," you answered between little moans and cries, your voice whiny and agitated.

your eyes rolled back when his hand slid between your legs and his thumb grazed your clit; you trembled in response. it didn't take long for you to reach your peak and when you did, it was with a loud cry.

"that's it, that's my good girl," he cooed at you, fucking you through your climax.

your cunt spasmed around his cock as you came, your juices soaking his shaft. your arms wrapped around his body while you squirmed uncontrollably on top of him, moaning repeatedly in his ear. theo wasn't far behind you, the feeling of your walls clenching around him sending him over the edge. he buried himself deep inside you, whimpering helplessly as he came in your cunt.

you moaned when you felt his hot cum filling you up, pussy still tingling so nicely that you weren't even thinking. "fuck– i love you... i love you so fucking much." it just slipped in the heat of the moment without you realising.

but of course he noticed.

theo's breath caught, his orgasm still rocking through him. he looked at you with a surprised expression, but it quickly melted into a tender smile, a warm sensation flooding his chest.

"i love you too, sunshine."

[goquokka00]

how about skz with a midsize reader and having insecurities since it’s a complicated body type? Like not being thin enough to be skinny but then not exactly plus size either yanno? but still having thick thigh and a lil belly 😫

ABSOLUTELY!!!! I can one hundred percent see them all handling different problems in their own way, cuz there's so much that comes with insecurity, y'know? But I just decided to assign a different insecurity to each of them, something I could actually see happening, and so I really hope that this is to your liking!

When You Feel Insecure... (skz OT8 x Midsize! GN! Reader)

Note: Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Please understand that everyone suffers from insecurities, whether it's mental or physical. But it doesn't matter how much you weigh, how tall or small you are, how much acne you have, how you style your hair, or what style you have. You are a beautiful and wonderful person, and there are people who will always love you regardless. 💕

Changbin's got a little suggestive, but hey, sometimes you gotta convince people using any means necessary.

BANGCHAN

As of recent, you had taken a notice to your stomach more than average. It's gotten...bigger. Much bigger than before. It wasn't round enough for you to be considered fat, but you definitely had gotten rounder. It looked gross.

And so, you had resorted to wearing hoodies. Every day, you'd always throw on a hoodie, whether it was yours or Chan's, but you'd still put one on regardless. And because it was summer, you'd always roll up the sleeves and wear shorts, mainly so you wouldn't overheat. And for a while, you managed to get away with it. But it didn't take long for Chan to catch on.

At first, he found it cute. But after weeks passed of you wearing the same clothing choices, he started to get suspicious, bringing it up with you.

"Baby, aren't you hot?" He'd ask you, only for you think about it a bit.

"A bit, but it's not bad. I'll be okay." You reassured, just watching as he shook his head.

"Hun, it's really hot out, even without a sweatshirt on. Why not just take it off?" He asked, watching as you went silent. You looked away from his gaze, wrapping your arms around yourself.

"I just..." You knew it was a bad idea to lie to Bangchan, because he was used to dealing with 7 men who were beyond crazy. It'd be hard to get away with anything. Course, he was also good at reading you, too.

"Is it your insecurities bugging you again?" He asked, watching you nod shyly. Chan immediately smiled softly, going to you and giving you a gentle hug, kissing your cheeks. "Baby, you know I don't care what you look like. You're beautiful just the way you are."

"But I've gained a bit of weight. I got rounder." You mumbled, Chan pulling back from the hug before brushing some hair out of your face.

"And? Who cares if you got rounder? You're you, right? That's all that matters to me, sweetheart." He told you, pecking your lips. "You're still an incredible human being who wouldn't hurt a fly."

"But I kill flies in the apartment all the time-"

"You get the point." He interrupted, the both of you laughing. He definitely knew how to make you feel better, that's for sure.

MINHO

Your new job was intimidating. And it was hard to fit in, too. All of the employees who worked in your building were so...skinny. And you were... not that. You were in between skinny and fat, in your terms at least. In your boyfriend, Minho's, terms, you were slim-thick. But you just didn't see it, especially after you had your job.

And so, to try and catch up with everyone else you work with, you started cutting meals. You'd bring the lunch Minho'd make for you, offer it to your coworkers, and then bring the empty box back. When cutting lunch wasn't enough, you started to stop eating breakfast, too. But even that wasn't enough to slim you down. And so, you figured that dinner would have to go, too.

But of course, the day you were going to start skipping dinner, Minho immediately caught on. You were more sluggish, always complaining that you felt lightheaded after work. Which would only be consistent if you weren't eating. And so, once he set your plate in front of you, he sat next to you, starting to eat his meal.

"Oh, no, I-I'm not really all that hungry." You claimed, Minho looking to you and raising a brow.

"The hell you mean you're not hungry? You're always hungry after work." Minho claimed. And he was right. You were so hungry, but you also really wanted to lose weight so you wouldn't drown in insecurities at work.

"Well, I'm not hungry today."

"Bullshit, I can hear your stomach grumbling from here." Minho said, setting his chopsticks down before looking to you, placing a hand on your cheek. "Babe, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." You replied, an upset look on your face.

"Then why do you look so upset?" Minho asked, searching your eyes for an answer. "You can talk to me, you know."

"I know, I know." You said, letting out a breath. "I just...I get insecure about being the body type I am at work. And so I figured that skipping some meals wouldn't hurt so it wouldn't be so-"

"No, no, no, no, no, absolutely not. Skipping meals isn't the way to go, my love. You need nutrients to be able to work well at work." Minho said, his eyes softening at your reasoning. "And even then, you are absolutely gorgeous. You're cute, and you're a hard worker. I highly doubt anyone there is going to care how you look. And if they did, I'd storm right on over there and stuff everyone into an air fryer."

"Minho!"

"I will, don't doubt me." Minho continued, smiling as he saw you giggle. He gently pecked your lips, patting your head before moving back to his meal. "Now please, eat your damn food, or you'll eat tissues instead."

"Alright, fine." You said, going to your meal. That meal tasted much better than some damn tissues, anyway.

CHANGBIN

You tsked, turning once again in the full body mirror as you looked at the problem of the hour; your thighs. They were so...big. So disproportionate to the rest of your body. And the pants you were looking at buying made it even worse.

They were the right size, but they squeezed at your thighs, making the pants look like they were too small. It was a constant battle with your mind, too. Maybe you could confront Changbin about exercises for making your thighs smaller.

But either way, you didn't think as you mumbled a comment to yourself, forgetting that your one true love was sitting behind you, admiring the way the pants hugged your ass and squeezed at your thighs.

"My thighs are way too fat for these."

"I'm sorry, what did you say?!" Immediately, Changbin was up and off of his chair, going over to you to stand behind you, watching as your eyes stayed glued to your thighs.

"My thighs are too big. And these pants make them look horrible." You explained, pulling at the side of the pants to show just how much they were squeezing your thighs.

"No, they don't! You look stunning in them, see?" Changbin said, running his hands down your thighs while resting his head on your shoulder. "Anyone would look twice if they saw someone with thighs like yours. They're so thick, thick with three c's."

"Baby--"

"I'm serious! Y/n, anyone would kill to be absolutely suffocated with thighs like yours!"

"CHANGBIN!"

"I'm being completely honest!" Changbin shouted over you, a small chuckle and smile leaving him. "Baby, I'm completely serious when I say that you are perfect no matter what you're wearing. And these pants? God, I wanna buy like, 30 of them so I can see you in them all the time."

"You're insane."

"Only for you, pookie-bear."

HYUNJIN

You don't know how long you had been cycling through tops, but it has been a while. Each one either showed too much or showed too little. Anything tight-fit would show too much. But if it was too big, then it would drape over you and make you look even bigger.

It was a constant battle.

Eventually, you had settled on a sweater, one that seemed to hide just enough, but it also showed enough, too. But after staring at it too much, you just didn't know. You could still see your figure which was a plus, but it also made you look a bit bigger.

"Hey babe, you ready to go yet-whoa..." Hyunjin had come into the room to check up on you, make sure that you were ready to go on the date he had planned out for you both. And seeing you in those jeans that hugged your legs just right. And that sweater... "You look stunning, baby."

"Are you sure? I think it makes me look big." You said, looking back down at yourself. You fidgeted with the bottom, trying to get it to lay nicer. But Hyunjin stepped forward, doing it for you instead.

"You look perfect to me." Hyunjin said, giving you a smile.

"But it kinda shows my stomach. It makes me look bigger than usual." You said, looking at him. Though, he was focused on fixing the bottom of your shirt.

"Sweet baby, you look incredible, even with your stomach. It makes you look mysterious, hot, sexy, and yet soft and fluffy and cute. It's like I said." Hyunjin commented, fixing your top once more, stepping back to give you a smile. "It's perfect."

"And you're absolutely certain? Like, I won't get judged at all or anything right-"

"Stop, stop, stop. Just take a minute and calm down." Hyunjin told you, placing his hands on your cheeks, guiding your face to look up at him. He placed a kiss onto your forehead, giving you a warm smile.

"M'Sorry..." You mumbled, Hyunjin shaking his head.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. Feeling insecure is a human emotion, and I can't be mad at you for experiencing it." Hyunjin told you, brushing your hair out of your face. "Nobody's gonna care how you look, okay? All that matters is that you look like an angel to me. It's our date, nobody else's. Right?"

"Right." You smiled, giving a nod to him. He was right. And you couldn't be more thankful that you had a boyfriend who could see the beauty in everything.

JISUNG

You loved Jisung. You really truly did with everything in your body. But after the two of you started going out, you realized that you and him couldn't be more different. Not in personality, no, no, no. It was in your body types. Jisung had a slim waist, broad shoulders, was muscular and was just...godlike.

You were...not that. You had chub. A round belly and thick thighs, and every time the two of you went out in public together, you could feel people's eyes on you. Judging you. Probably wondering how someone with your body type managed to get with someone like Jisung.

It made you feel so insecure, it wasn't even funny. And so, you decided that you'd save yourself the trouble and stop going out in public with Jisung. Not that he minded since going out in public was hard. But even then, after a while, it got concerning.

"Baby, please? I wanna go on a walk with you, and Han River is the perfect spot!" Jisung whined, leaning onto your shoulder. You gave an apologetic smile, shaking your head.

"I'm just not feeling it right now, I'm sorry." But you and Jisung both knew the truth.

"But you love going to Han River. Especially when it's with someone you love!" Jisung taunted, making you laugh a bit.

"Yeah, but why do that when we could just stay here?"

"Because we always stay here!" Jisung complained, making you sigh. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah..." You trailed, only to see him give you puppy dog eyes. You let out a sigh, knowing you couldn't keep it from him. "No..."

"What's wrong, baby?" Jisung said, holding your hands in his, moving his head so he could see into your eyes.

"I just...I always feel like I get judged when I go out in public with you. I'm not skinny, and people think you need to be with this god-like figure, and--"

"But you are! You are my god, I literally worship you every chance I get!"

"I know you do, but your fans don't."

"Well then screw what they say!" Jisung said, making you jump a bit. "My baby, to me, you are the best human being out in the world. I don't care what you look like, because you are literally the sweetest person in the entire world. And if they can't see what I see, then they aren't real fans. Okay?"

"I..." You weren't expecting that from Jisung. He loved Stay a lot. But it was clear that he loved you even more. And that thought alone was enough to make you smile.

"Okay. "

FELIX

Damn it. You've gained weight again. You were just starting to slim down, but Felix had been in a baking mood for a long time, and all of the sweets that he made were always so good. Sure, he'd take most of them to sets and recording sessions for the guys.

But most of the time, he'd leave a few behind for you, and let you try the new batches. And you had gotten too carried away. Now, your stomach was rounder. And you hated it with a burning passion. And so, you made a rule for yourself.

No more sweets.

But that really didn't help when Felix had just made a new batch of cookies just now, and was walking over with one fresh out of the oven.

"Baby, come try these cookies!" Felix exclaimed, getting closer with the cookie in hand. "They're so good, you'll really like them!"

"I think I'm gonna pass tonight, Felix." You said, giving him a small smile as a form of apology. Instead, you were met with Felix's pouty face and sad puppy dog eyes.

"What?! But you love eating my sweets!" Felix whined, holding the cookie with sadness in his eyes. And immediately, you felt bad.

"Oh, Felix...I just...I'm not really feeling like eating the sweets right now." Course, right after you said that, you swallowed the saliva that had started to gather in your mouth. How perfect.

"But you seem like you're salivating. Don't they just smell delicious, baby?" Felix asked, bringing the cookie closer to you. You let out a sigh, nodding along.

"Yes, they do, but I..." Damn it. Felix always managed to get you cornered with his adorable need to have people eat his cooking. Damn it all. "I just...I'm trying to cut back on sweets."

"Oh, really?" Felix raised a brow, managing to catch on quickly. "Wait, are you starting to feel self-conscious again?"

"A little, yeah." You said with a shrug, Felix setting the cookie down and giving you a hug. You returned the gesture, a smile appearing on your face.

"Babes, you know that I'll love you no matter what, right? You're sweeter and way better than anything else I've ever baked." Felix pulled back from the hug as he spoke, brushing some hair out of your face before pecking your lips. "If you still wanna cut back on sweets, I'll understand, but one every time I bake won't hurt anyone."

And he had a point. It wasn't like he baked often, anyway. It was when he had time, and that was rare. And so you nodded, kissing his cheek before taking the cookie from the table, not wanting to potentially crush your lover anymore.

"I guess one wouldn't hurt."

SEUNGMIN

You hated the look of yourself today. Every time you turned in the mirror, you managed to find so many things wrong with yourself. You had rolls starting to form, your stomach got round, your thighs were so fat it made your calves look stupid.

You just...you looked gross. You weren't skinny, you weren't fat, but you felt fat. Even with the small amount of things you did to spruce up your look for the day was just...blegh.

You deemed to yourself that you just looked disgusting. Though, when you said it out loud to yourself, you didn't realize Seungmin happened to be walking into the bedroom.

"I look so...fat..." You claimed, not knowing how else to put it. Of course, Seungmin overhearing that jumped right into action.

"Um, excuse me? The hell you mean, 'you're fat'?" Seungmin asked, walking over to you and looking at your reflection in the mirror.

"It's what I said. I look fat." You repeated.

"Baby, I love you, I really do, but you need to shut the hell up." Seungmin said, placing his arms around your waist from behind. "You're beautiful both inside and out. If you weren't, I wouldn't be dating you."

"Is that supposed to help?"

"Do you want me to help get rid of the insecurities or do you want to just continue wallowing away in them?"

You went silent at that, placing your hands onto Seungmin's arms, looking at both of you in the mirror. Seungmin was well aware of what your silence meant, and so he continued on.

"When you look in the mirror, what do you see?" He asked, kissing your cheek.

"I see a beautiful man hugging a big person who just looks gross and doesn't deserve to be with said man." You said. Seungmin hummed, taking in your answer before responding.

"Well I think you're wrong." He said, hugging you closer to him. "I see a beautiful, stunning, smart, funny, sexy person in the arms of an extremely lucky guy."

"Aw, you mean that?"

"Don't push it." Seungmin said, kissing the side of your head again before patting your ass. "Now come on, we're gonna be late meeting up with the guys."

"Okay, okay." You replied, playfully shoving Seungmin. You were pretty sure that you were the one considering yourself lucky, now.

JEONGIN

When Jeongin said that he would be coming home with outfits for the both of you for the upcoming award ceremony, you weren't expecting something so...tight-fit. It showed off everything, your belly, your thighs, everything that you were completely insecure about.

You weren't a fan.

And so, when you left the room in something other than what Jeongin had intended, he obviously got extremely concerned. He wanted you both to match, but if you weren't gonna wear what he wanted you to wear, then what was the point?

"Babe, what happened to the outfit I got you?" He asked, watching you walk over to him.

"Oh, I just-"

"Did it not fit?" He interrupted, looking you over. He was almost certain that everything would've fit. He got all of your sizes right, or at least, he thought he did.

"No, I mean, yes? Kind of." You said, thinking about how to put this. "It was just...it kinda just showed off a bit too much of me."

"Babe, it's supposed to do that." Jeongin told you, cupping your cheek as he tried to figure out what could've made you not want to wear the outfit he got you.

"Yeah, but that's kind of the problem." You said, placing your arms over your stomach. And that was when the buzzer went off in Jeongin's head, realizing the issue. You were feeling insecure.

"Aw, babe...I'm sorry..." Jeongin just felt bad now. He didn't realize that you could've felt insecure about the outfit he got you. "Can I at least see you in it?"

"What?"

"Just let me see so I know. Please?" Jeongin asked. And how could you say no? You went back to the room and put on the outfit, walking back in so Jeongin could look at you. And immediately, you were met with an awestruck Jeongin.

"It's terrible, right?"

"Terrible for my heart? Cuz yeah, you look...really good, baby..." Jeongin told you. It made you blush a bit and look away.

"Really?"

"Yes, really! Baby, you look incredible!" Jeongin said, going over and admiring your fit. "You're gonna make people drop dead! They won't even know what hit them! I still don't know what hit me!"

You couldn't help but laugh at your boyfriend's reaction, finding it cute. Maybe it wasn't so bad if he liked it as much as he did.

Hey! Firstly, thank you so much for reading this post, and I really hope you enjoyed! If you did, please like, reblog, or comment so I can see how I'm doing with writing and getting feedback! I hope you have a lovely day! Sleep well, stay in good health, and eat something if you haven't! ❤️❤️❤️

[nattblacklupin]

Ice and fire

Pairing: Hockey player! Eris x Rhys sister! Reader

Warnings: possessive Eris, teeth rooting fluff, suggestive (smut scene but not detailed)

Summary: headcanons about hockey player! Eris

Masterlist ● hockey player! Azriel / Cassian

Eris is the capitan of the autumn fire hockey team. A lot of people say he got that position only because of his father, who is the owner of the team, but you know how hard he worked for it.

Let's be honest his teammates don't dare not to give everything out every single match. Eris worked hard for this team. They have to do so, too. It happened many times that he got someone kicked out of the team if they didn't play with all their might how he wanted.

On ice, Eris is fast, not as fast as Azriel, but still pretty fast. He's the player that isn't noticeable when he doesn't want to. If you think that the left side is safe and there is no one from their team, bum Eris is there in a second scoring goal.

He, as a capitan, of course knows his way with words. So just imagine the dirty talk he has going on. Not just once, he made you come undone only with his words.

"Yeah, such a good girl." His words make you feel fire in your veins and make you go faster. "You know how to make me feel, do you?" You moan, putting hands on his chest to steady yourself. Eris, grip on your hips, thigest making burise in the shape of them.

"Answer me, pretty girl." His hand leaves your hips and caresses your cheek. "Y-yes, I do." his smile goes bigger at the state you are in. Fully at his mercy with no way to run.

"My good girl"

Let's be honest. You didn't like him at first, like at all. Autumn fire was the rival team of Velaris dreams. No one really knows when it began, but it's there. (Velaris dreams dislike any team, expect sunlight team). The rivality sometimes projects even to real life.

Many times did Eris and Rhys glare at each other even when just passing by. You, as a sister of Rhysand, of course, were on the side of your brother.

So it was a surprise when you once (not just once) woke up naked in bed with Eris. Both of you hungover, but remembering every detail of your night together.

You slowly wake up, lazily looking over the room. Your mind is still cloudy by the amount of alcohol you had, not really realising what happened and where you are. "Good morning, princess." Looking to the side, you see man who kept you company for the night. Your mind shutting off even more seeing your brother's enemy "What? You weren't that quiet a few hours ago. " You quickly stood up and wrapped blanket around yourself. "No no, this shouldn't have happened"

"But it did, and I must say I enjoyed it." He smirked at you.

Looking at the memory now, you smile and thank your past self for getting black out drunk and sleeping with your brothers enemy. Cause that's when it all started.

The sneaking around, sneaky glances over the room. You lived in your own forbidden love book. Except the fact that at that time you two were just enemies with benefist.

Still fighting over anything and everything, comparing each other teams, laughing when the other one losses. It wouldn't be it without you two bickering all the time.

Just now, as a bonus, you were sleeping together.

Sometimes Eris wasn't that sneaky about your little agreement at all. He was a possessive man, and he wasn't scared to show it.

Many times, he has beaten some guy on ice just cause he was flirting with you. His girl

Velaris dreams vs Autumn fire

The match of a season, everyone wants to watch it live. Rivality both of fans and players making atmosphere that could only be made with them. Even people who don't watch hockey had to be there. Of course you were there too. Sitting at the family seates closest to the ice, smiling and waving at your brother and his teammates. One of them was particularly friendly, winking at you and even being bold enough to say he will score a goal just for you. Not that he wasn't attractive, but you were more into red-haired guys with big ego. Speaking of which, you can feel his eyes burning hole into your head. You turned to face the side of the ice he was on and smirked at him. Plan forming in your head.

You kept slightly flirting with that guy, not stopping even when Eris team scored. That game kept going till Eris pointed at you and pushed that guy. You couldn't help yourself but be slightly worried about Eris, you knew that he could take care of himself in a fight, he didn't get in those that often as a Cassian, but he still did and he won every one of them.

Yet that slight flutter of your heart when that guy managed to land a punch of him still found a way to you. You didn't even realise that you stood up till the fight came to the end, and Eris, with a winning grin, came to the glass that was separating you two and winked at you. Your heart jumped once more, but now in excitement and....love?

Maybe, but just maybe you felt more than hate towards him.

Since then, everyone knew who you belonged to, and mostly who Eris belonged to.

Let's just say his girl fans don't like you that much. Jealousy glares are being sent your way every time he even just looks at you.

Not that you or him care about it that much.

You became the power couple of hockey. Fans of autumn strongly believed that it was you who helped Eris and the team get back to the top.

But not just fans of autumn loved you two together. Everyone found cute how you two spend all the time together. In every photo taken of Eris, was you on his arm smiling at the photographer.

Eris loves to show you off. His hand on your lower back keeps you close to him and calms you down in crowded places he often gets as a hockey superstar.

You accompany him to every one of his important events. Eris telling everyone he won't show up if you can't come with him.

He is like a puppy in your presence, his mask completely crumbling with only your Eris left.

He gets so clingy every time there are just two of you. You can't even go to the toilet in the night without having a tall shadow following you. Don't forget about his hounds. They all are waiting for you behind Eris.

The clock read three am. You need to use the toilet, increasing every minute you're stuck with Eris arms wrapped around you and his legs tangled with yours. After five minutes of uncomfortable tossing around, trying to fall asleep and forget about your need. You give up and turn to Eris.

Running your fingers through his hair and lightly caressing his face. With a light kiss to his forehead, you try to wake him up.

"Er, let me go, please?" Eris opens one of his eyes, looking at you with a sleepy look on his face. "No, sleep." He wrapped his arms around you more thighly and turned around with you.

"Eris, let me go now, or I will literally piss myself," you whisper scream at him. "didn't know you were into that type of things love." You hit him in the chest while he just chuckled at let you go. Quickly standing up, you didn't realise you let the dogs in last night. All of them awake and looking at you. "Don't you dare follow me, Er you make sure of it." He just sent you thumps up from the bed.

After being done with everything, you opened the door with a loud scream. You quickly close to the door, holding your chest where the heart is, breathing deeply. Soon enough, there is a loud laugh and barking being heard. "Don't tell me we scared you that much"

Opening the door again you saw Eris standing in the middle with the biggest gring possible, all dogs sitting all around him wagging their tails. "Don't you dare to do it again, Eris. I'm being dead serious."

He wrapped his hand around your waist, still laughing to himself. "Of course you are." You couldn't help yourself, but smile too. Love shining in both of your eyes. He put his hand on your cheek kissing you deeply.

"I love you, dear"

[mollymooo]

Hi ! I would like to make a request if I can please. This is my first time doing this, so I hope I did it right!

I often read things like Spencer and the reader don't have a good relationship, he says something really mean and the reader -

just breaks down and cries, or goes with their tail between their legs and immediately forgives Spencer after not even feeling an OUNCE of anger at what he said.

It annoys me. You can believe that if someone who doesn't like me for any reason insults me or verbally hurts me, I won't forgive them after a simple apology 😤.

Do you think you could make a scenario where the reader really gets angry and doesn't take the shit Spencer throws at them with tears and immediately forgives him like a puppy in need of love, please?

Like, the reader is ANGRY and makes him feel it and makes him run to make amends.

All I Wanted Was You.

tw:lots of yelling and cursing, a little OOC spencer, sorry!

summary: something had felt off about your fiancée and it’s time to finally talk to him about this.

first, i love me some good angst and this rlly got my gears turning 🤭 second, tysm for the ask!! my asks are pretty much always open so feel free to request some ideas! also sorry for this being so late, writers block is cray cray

He had left abruptly,

In the middle of the night just like he had many times before. The bed felt cold and empty without the warmth of your beloved fiancée. He felt cold. These past few weeks Spencer had been away from home more than ever.

You missed him.

You chewed slightly at your nails, constantly watching the clock with the slight tinge of nerves poking at your chest. The door slammed open and you jumped as a bag was half heartedly thrown on the floor

“Hey.” He slammed the door, much to your dismay due to the time of night. His eye bags were much more prominent than you seemed to remember.

“How was work?” You stood up slightly with your arms crossed, the nerves still very much there.

“Fine.” Spencer sat down on the sofa and leaned his head back with an exaggerated sigh, and kicked his feet up on the coffee table.

“Can we… can we talk?” You sit down timidly next to him while his eyes watch your every move.

“About?”

“Us.”

He sits up slightly, crossing his arms and staring into your eyes, “Of course… what’s up?”

“Well, trust me when I say this, I understand that your job is very demanding and i’m sure you’d love to be home more often just as much as I would..” You trailed off slightly, almost rambling to yourself.

“I just think… It would be nice if we could spend more time together.” He scrunched his eyebrows slightly and sighed heavily as he leaned back on the sofa. You add, almost pathetically at the end, “I miss you, Spencer.”

“I understand, but my job doesn’t really allow that baby.” He looks back at you, obviously not willing to keep talking. He was rubbing his temples with his eyes scrunched close

“I know, but… even when your off, you’re either posted in your office here and shoo me away when I try to say hello, or your at some library or-“

“Working in the FBI isn’t exactly easy.” He snaps. His eyes didn’t hold that same warmth like when you met him, he didn’t look at you like the flowers after the rain anymore.

It hurt.

“Baby, I know..”

“Do you? I mean, I work day and night to make sure you can live comfortably. I see the worst people in the world, the scum of the planet, just to you are happy. I work consistently to make sure WE can live happily.” He stands up suddenly, walking over to the wall across from you, leaning against it as his hands move wildly with his words. “And what do you do?”

“What do I do..?” Something about his malice. The venom hanging in his words doesn’t sit right with you.

“Yeah, what DO you do? Complain? Because thats what it seems like.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I mean, you have everything you ever wanted. What else can I give you?”

“Some love, and affection maybe once a week?” You snapped back.

“Oh yeah, let’s make this all about you.”

You stand from the shared couch. Your hands formed small fists as the fire coursed through your veins. “I understand your frustration with your job, but that does NOT mean you take it out on me.”

“You don’t understand! My job isn’t easy. It’s hard enough balancing this, and a relationship” He moves from his place on the wall, getting somewhat closer to you.

“You agreed to this when we got engaged. YOU agreed to take care of me. It would be nice too see my own fiancé for more that two or three hours everyday.” You could feel your face getting hotter as your voice got louder.

“We can’t all get what we want.”

You pause, forcing down hot tears with your fists unclenching slightly

“Who are you?” You shook your head “Because right now? You are not the man I promised to marry.” You look down at the ring on your finger, the small diamonds sparkling in the orange glow from the lights. You carefully pull it off your finger and set it on the coffee table, grabbing your phone and wallet while swiftly walking past Spencer

“Babe… come back.” He follows you as you throw a pair of shoes on and unlock the door. His hand grazes your shoulder and something inside you snaps. It wasn’t a loving graze dripping with apologies. It was harsh. You pull your shoulder away violently and stare at him with unforgiving eyes

“Don’t touch me. Call me when you’re ready to talk like an adult.”

The door slams behind you, and you walk.

You walk and walk while tears run down your face with red hot intention. Something was different, and you’re not sure if it would be the same again. The Spencer that was left in the apartment, with his head between his hands wondering what he just ruined wasn’t the Spencer you had loved.

Maybe his work had been stressful, or maybe his day had just been awful. That’s no excuse for his to treat you like the spider on the bottom of his shoe. Like filth.

The park bench below you was cold and unforgiving. Your phone sat beside you silent, as you had put it on do not disturb shortly after you left. You chewed the options on your plate and hated the bitterness of each one.

Leaving Spencer was the first option, going back to your apartment in the morning, packing up all your stuff and leaving. It was an option, but it was not the one you wanted to pick.

Staying at a hotel or friend’s house until you were ready to talk was another. It was the most responsible and level headed decision but the fire inside your chest made it seem unlikely.

Maybe you just need to go back. But your unwillingness to back down and his attitude made that seem like a decision that would end with tears.

You sighed and picked up your phone. Your eyes budged at the view of 28 missed calls and 50 messages.

Come back.

Please.

I’m so sorry.

I just want to talk.

I wasn’t listening

Among others. The messages were glazed with apologies and they kept coming, one after another. The phone buzzed in your hand as Spencers call rang through the silent park

“Yes?” You answered, against your own judgment you answered. Even under the anger, he was still Spencer.

“Oh thank god. Where are you?” His voice was breaking as he spoke and wind blew in the background

“Are you looking for me?”

“Of course! I don’t want you to get hurt, I never did. Please… come home.” He sounded broken.

“Get back inside. I’ll meet you at home, Spencer.”

The walk back to your apartment felt shameful almost. You didn’t want to forgive him, but the love you held for him was stronger than any argument.

The door opened softly to a silent hallway. You could hear soft cries in the distance.

“Spencer?” You could hardly walk three steps in the house before his towering figure was hugging your frame with such gentleness.

“I am so sorry.” You could feel him sobbing in your arms while you petted his hair gently. “I was stressed out because of a case and I should’ve told you before we started arguing.”

“Spencer..”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I love you with everything I have and I never want to hurt you. You mean the absolute world too me and losing you is out of the question.” He held you tightly, as if when he let go, you would walk back out the door and not look back.

“I want us to work. Us is what wakes me up in the morning with any energy to start my day. I go to work with the excitement that I get to come home and see you, even if it’s for a few hours. I’m so sorry I said what I did, and I promise it’ll never happen again.”

He sounded broken and desperate. Desperate too keep the one human who has loved him despite his flaws. The one person who has loved him past his teeth.

“Thank you for the apology. It may take me a bit too fully forgive you. Can we please go talk like adults now?” You tipped his head off your shoulder and gave him a gentle forehead kiss, anything harder and he would’ve shattered.

“Of course.”

[simpforsolas]

A couple things to note.

First of all, when Rook pushes down the statue and Solas protects himself (and Varric) from the falling rock, he pushes AWAY from himself. He has the blade in hand, and Varric is standing right behind him. Rook is standing basically on the complete opposite side of Solas.

We see the rubble land near Rook, but then somehow in the next clip, Rook is BEHIND Solas on the stairs. Varric and the lyrium blade are nowhere to be seen. (The previous screenshot of Solas with the blade in hand is the last shot we see of him with the blade in this teaser. The next time we see him, which is the screenshot below, he doesn't have it.)

Something else I'll point out is the layout of this place. In the above screenshot, Rook is clearly at the base of the stairs. However, let's take a look at these two shots.

The one on the left is from earlier in the reveal, when Varric is talking to Solas. Pay specific attention to the Dread Wolf statue's placement here. In the second shot on the right, that same Dread Wolf statue is a landmark that gives us a clue to Rook's position. He's quite a ways off from the statue, and if you'll notice, there's a lot more wooden walkway and railings in front of him that we don't see in the first clip. He still has quite a ways to go before he can make it to the base of the stairs, where we see him in the screenshot of Solas looking down at him.

I think this is a clear enough indication that some clips from the cutscene were cut - most likely because they contain big spoilers. So that got me thinking. What are some spoilers big enough to warrant cutting? Here are some ideas I had:

Varric dying 😭 The death flags are everywhere people. Rook looks pissed off, and Solas looks... sad. When he looks up at the evanuris, he has a tear on his cheek (well, it could be a water droplet I guess but it's so perfectly placed to look like a teardrop that I don't think that's a mistake)

Solas turns to Varric for help. I think it would be too much in this little showcase to show more of Solas's moral ambiguity than we've already seen, so I could see them cutting a moment where Solas turns to Varric, gives him the lyrium blade, and tells him to KEEP IT SAFE.

The Inquisitor shows up?? I don't know how likely this is BUT it would make sense that if the inquisitor is there they wouldn't show it in the showcase. Because a) that's a HUGE moment you wouldn't want to experience without your own inquisitor and b) they'd have to pause and give a note like "this is a customizable inquisitor" which would slow down the action a lot lol.

Any other ideas of what could've happened in that cut? 👀

Second of all, at the very last second of the trailer, you can see Solas being propelled forward, into the fade through the tear he made.

If you notice in the first picture, his feet are firmly planted. If you watch the scene, the glow around the fade starts to speed up, like it's being pulled toward the rip, and then the last second you see Solas's feet lift slightly off the ground. Now I don't think he's charging or anything. He's already super close to these two so it's not like he's going to run towards them in order to attack. He's DEFINITELY going into the fade. There are two possibilities here.

Going into the fade against his will

Going into the fade on purpose

If he's going into the fade against his will, it could be that the gods who just showed up are dragging him in there, or perhaps because the ritual was disrupted it's gone wonky and is pulling him (or all three) in.

If he's going in on purpose, he could be dragging the gods into the fade with him in a last ditch effort to prevent them from being unleashed on the world, where he may try to fight them and defeat them inside the fade. IF this is the case, I could see the prediction of Solas giving Varric the lyrium blade working out quite nicely. He could realize the gods are going to be coming back, so he gives Varric the blade, tells him to keep it safe, and he's going to try to trap the returned gods inside the fade.

[melminli]

𝗢𝗰𝗲𝗮𝗻 𝗘𝘆𝗲𝘀 - 𝟬𝟭

pairing: neuvilette x fem. reader

summery - fontaine was known for being the nation of the element hydro as well as the nation of justice. however, the people were known for their love of gossip. though, sometimes rumors turn out to be true, don't they?

word count: 1,5k

content: lawyer reader, lots of fluff, crack, romance, akward reader + neuvilette

series masterlist

Fontaine. The nation under the supervision of the Hydro Archon as well as the element Hydro itself. With its many waterfalls, wide seas, and many bodies of water, its aquatic space is widely embellished. Of course, this is not a big surprise, and yet the brilliant landscape never ceases to amaze new and old visitors and residents alike.

"Mademoiselle Rivière, please excuse me for disturbing you during your break, but the reports you requested have finally arrived," a soft female voice woke you up.

You slowly sat up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. Even when you just wanted to lean back on the couch in your office for a while, you couldn't seem to get any rest. You had to get to work when it was calling, and it always did. A healthy work-life balance was something unknown to you. "Don't worry, Marie, thank you for your work." You mumbled sleepily and reached for the file your assistant had brought you.

As you went through the pages, she looked at you a little worried. Even after all the years she had known you and worked under you, she couldn't stop frowning at your workaholic lifestyle. "Have you pulled an all-nighter again? How many days have you been here? You haven't forgotten to eat again, have you?"

Your eyes were fixed on the paper so that you could decipher the information inside as quickly as possible. "I'm fine, don't worry, really. I just don't have any time to waste since I have to be at the Opera Epiclese the day after tomorrow, and the defense isn't going to build itself."

Marie just sighed and made a mental note to order something to eat as soon as she left the room. "I'll get you something to drink. Who knows when you last got any time to do that." She said hopelessly and interrupted you before you could interject. "And I'll get water and nothing else!"

You didn't dare to say anything else to that. So, no coffee for me then. Maybe it's better this way. It would be a bit embarrassing to dehydrate in Fontaine. You leaned back in your chair and looked out of the window for a while, just watching the water surrounding the city for a bit. "Maybe I really should take a break. It's been a long time since I've been to the beach..." You continued to think, "...or even just the shore for a bit."

You sighed once and stretched a little to clear your head and get back to work. After all, you still had some preparation to do since Fontaine was not only the land of the element Hydro but also the land of justice. You were confronted with this not only as a citizen of this nation but, above all, as a lawyer. The best in town.

The case you were currently working on was about the unjust firing of your client from the Fonta development team. You had gathered the necessary evidence and testimonies, which was the lesser of two evils. The thing you still weren't really sure about yet...was how you wanted to present your case.

This was the Opera Epiclese we were talking about. Of course, everything was decided by the presentation. Getting the audience on your side was a must because only when you've kept them satisfied with a spectacle can you achieve great success. Simply bringing the truth to light was not enough in this country. Justice and reputation were very closely linked, and in order to keep your face, you not only had to be right, you also had to entertain. This made it possible for the result to have an effect. For making a change in the right direction, which people would remember.

You hated the system. Some days more and some days less since the need to entertain usually meant gossip, which in turn diminished the seriousness needed in court. As a lawyer, you were, of course, part of this, but you know the saying, hate the game and not the player. You did your best to bring justice, and your morals were not related to recognition or anything else. That's all that mattered for now.

Now that I've been thinking about Fonta so much, I feel like drinking it. Maybe Marie will let me have a bottle since there's no caffeine in it.

Quite a while later...

"I'm completely exhausted..." You sighed and could hardly wait to sleep in your own bed again. As much as you love Palais Mermonia, you really should spend less time there and your office. The world always felt so small when you spent so much time in the same four walls, and then as soon as you stepped out of them, the world suddenly seemed bigger than ever.

Though you missed your home, you didn't want to go from one room to the other. That's probably why your feet almost automatically carried you in the direction of Vasari Passage. You loved walking past the many stores and greeted the owners and various other people on your stroll. Your destination, however, was in the middle of the plaza because one of your favorite things to do in the city, was to sit near the fountain and simply watch the endlessly spinning mechanisms of the sphere.

Lost in thought, the scream of a certain nickname confused you greatly at first. "If it isn't the Ice Queen of Court herself! Today must be my lucky day!"

You turned to the voice only to see a certain reporter. She really won't stop calling me that, will she? I noticed that some other people started to do it, too. The cryo vision dangling off your outfit made it sound a bit cliché in your opinion. "Ah, it's you, Mademoiselle Charlotte. I didn't expect to find you here at this hour." You admitted.

She had a big smile on her face. "Well, I did! Rumor has it that you're usually here in the evening, so I sometimes come by when I have time, hoping for a little chat with the most famous lawyer in Fontain." She said without any shame and already had her pen and paper ready. "We never get to see you except in court, and getting appointments is super difficult. So, I thought I'd give this a try."

You couldn't help but smile slightly in disbelief at her efforts. "I see. So you switched to stalking after you ran out of your more professional resources."

"Guilty!" She exclaimed, and you raised an eyebrow at the circumstances. When Charlotte realized the context of the situation, she quickly corrected herself. "I mean, I'm just kidding! Please don't get me wrong, I would never resort to foul means for my work, really!" She suddenly clarified very nervously.

You reassured her. "I'm always up for a bit of humor, and I would also say that we're not complete strangers, so it's not a problem." You assured her. "But I would advise you to be a little more careful with the way you get people excited about your work. You might scare off some of the gentler people."

Stars formed in her eyes as you offered her your advice. I'm not a stranger in her eyes? That almost makes us friends then! "As you'd expect, the best lawyer always knows exactly what to say! Very impressive, I'll take note of that." She said in a good mood. "To get to the point, I was wondering if you could give me some news about your next court case!"

An apologetic expression came over your face. "I fear I can't, Mademoiselle Charlotte. I don't share any information regarding my ongoing cases. Keeping statements concerning my clients strictly to myself is very important to me." You replied and could see from her expression that she wasn't too disappointed. She had probably already anticipated this answer from you.

"What a shame, but of course, understandable." She expressed with a cheerful spirit. "Then perhaps you could comment on the new rumors about you?" She asked you intently as she leaned a little closer to you, finally revealing the true reason for her interest.

More rumors? You were aware of how talkative the people of Fontaine were, but you didn't realize that they were the same when it came to you. "What kind of rumor would you like me to address?" You asked a little curiously yourself.

"Well, the rumors about a secret romance with you and our Iudex, Monsieur Neuvilette, of course!"

You were rarely completely blown away by anything, but this? That was the first time you ever heard anything like that. It sounded even more absurd than the thought alone. People - people are talking about me and Monsieur Neuvilette...?

To Be Continued...

[mediumgayitalian]

fic rec friday 19

hi!! welcome to fic rec friday. every week, i pick five fics i have bookmarked and rec them with a little review. check them out!

Falling For You (Literally) by peanutbutterapple

Will Solace was positively sure of two things. 1. He was unwaveringly devoted to his boyfriend of nearly a year, Nico di Angelo. 2. Of all the demigods at Camp Half-Blood, the Aphrodite kids were not to be toyed with.

love how theyre still working on their relationship in this one!! like they are clearly into each other and they know that but that is not Enough to sustain a relationship. cool commentary that relationships take work AND the work doesnt have to be hard/bad, there just needs to be effort. loved that.

2. I got a boy back home who's unlike any other by sunburst_city

“Ew,” Will says when he pulls away, licking his lips and grimacing at what Nico assumes is a mixture of stale sweat, dirt, and other things Nico would rather not think about. “You taste nasty.” “Excuse you. You try chasing down a rogue hellhound across a fucking bayou.”

this one was so cute!! it's a small thing but i love the dynamic where nico is such an Explorer you know. because it's very uniquely solangelo in terms of pjoverse!! they don't both want the same things. will is more of a homemaker and always has been. he's not a fighter and he doesn't want to be. he holds down the fort at home, he makes sure everyone is okay, he keeps people in line. whereas nico is right in the throes of the battle, in the middle of everything. they went on an adventure together and it was really hard for both of them. i like reading stuff where they have their own thing and they're very proud of each other for it.

3. fall asleep until it's only you and me by by sunburst_city

There is something frighteningly tangible about all her dreams involving Percy Jackson. 6 instances Annabeth dreams of Percy.

WHAT IF ANNABETH HAD GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO HER HUH. WHAT THEN. WHAT FUCKIN THEN. WHAT IF SHE HAD A GODDAMN MOMENT OF PEACE IN HER LIFE ACTUALLY

4. Overhead by cabeswaters

Will and Cecil really need a new phone and Nico is weak for boys with freckles. (Or, Will overhears a conversation he wasn't meant to and for once it's not a bad thing.)

overheard is the best trope of all time idc. truly elite. there is nothing more romantic than discovering your beloved talks and talks and talks about how much they love you to others!! it is flattening!!

5. Watch Me While I walk Away by @buoyantsaturn

“Actually, I’m taking over the route - Connor, nice to meet you,” the driver said, before going through the usual sign here, first name, last initial spiel. “Thank you very much, and I’ll see you around!” 

oh being that whipped is EMBBARRASSINGG truly i get him. mitchell u are so real. and will is correct it is just like legally blonde how LUCKY

thank you for joining me this friday!! happy reading!!

[javier-pena]

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Word Count: 5k (so much for short drabble)

Rating: Mature

Summary: You work for the DEA in Colombia. Until one of your missions goes terribly wrong.

Warnings: hurt/comfort | attempted rape (nothing too graphic) | smoking | reader is being held captive | historical inaccuracies | period-appropriate sexism | difficult father-daughter relationship | canon-typical violence (kind of graphic) | panic and distress | brief description of wounds 

Notes: This is the first fic for my 10k follower celebration!!! Thank you, @lokischocolatefountain who requested “I’ll be here when you wake up” with Javier Peña. I hope you like it 🤭 This fic was very much inspired by Gabriel García Márquez' "Noticia de un secuestro" ("News of a Kidnapping") which I highly recommend if you're interested in what Narcos (Season 1) only covers in two episodes, namely the kidnappings of prominent figures in Colombia by the Medellín Cartel in the early 90s. As ever, huge thanks to Dani @alexturner who took the time to ask, "What does this mean?" and made me realize that I, in fact, don't know the answer to that question.

***

It’s night again. Or maybe it’s dawn. You don’t know. The blacked-out windows don’t let in any light. Your days are no longer structured according to the laws of nature (morning – midday – afternoon – evening – night), but according to the laws of your captors (wake up – bathroom – food – nothing – food – sleep). Maybe you’re awake all night and sleep all day. Maybe you only sleep for four hours and are awake for twenty. Neither your mind nor your body can tell the difference any longer.

Right now, for example, you’re in the “nothing” part of your day. It’s just you, rolled up on your mattress in your corner, and your thoughts, looping and looping, making you relive how you ended up here, in this room, somewhere in Colombia. And every single day, right at the end of “nothing” and the start of “food”, you come to the same conclusion: It’s all your fault.

It started with your childhood, you think. No, you can’t blame everything that went wrong in your life on your father, but he certainly did his bid – no matter what you did, it was never enough. Not even when you applied for a transfer to the embassy and you got selected, the youngest woman in DEA history who got an assignment like that. All he had to say to you was, “Huh”. So of course, you had to do better than that.

Here, in Colombia, you found yourself surrounded by men just like your father, old men in suits who sneered at you, confusing you with a secretary, asking you to make coffee and take notes. Old men with guns and enough war stories to fill a book, calling you “little lady” and pinching your cheeks. Old men that were just there, leering at you from corners and doorways. And they all had the face of your father.

Still, no one forced you to raise your hand that Thursday afternoon your floor ran out of coffee, the same afternoon Noonan called you all to a meeting and asked for a volunteer. “Dangerous assignment,” she said, “likely to get you killed.” You should have listened to her. But the looks on all those faces when you raised your hand and said, “I’d be happy to do it,” were worth it. Almost. Because, ultimately, it was the beginning of the end.

One of the men on guard duty today swears loudly and another one growls at him to be quiet. Sometimes they forget there’s a life outside those blacked-out windows and they’re not the only people in this city. You forget that too, but then you hear the voices of people living their lives, the sound of a car backfiring, a dog barking somewhere. If one of you makes the wrong noise, surely, you’ll be discovered.

The three men with you today (tonight?) know that, and so do you. They’re playing cards by the light of a dirty kerosene lamp, sitting so closely together their knees are touching. If they stretched out their legs, their feet would be touching your mattress. The room you’re in is barely big enough for one person, let alone for four. It’s the only room you’ve seen in months, apart from the bathroom they take you to once or twice a day. It’s across a small hallway you haven’t seen because they blindfold you. Every time, for every trip.

You can barely remember a time when not everything you needed to survive was dependent on another person. The autonomy you prided yourself on, your ability to achieve everything on your own, to survive everything on your own, those have been taken away from you. Could you even use the bathroom if no one gave you permission first? You doubt it.

You didn’t need anyone’s permission to go on that undercover mission that ultimately landed you in this tiny square room that is now your entire world. You were the fastest to volunteer, you fit the profile they were looking for: fluent in Spanish, low level enough to not be able to spill any secrets should you get arrested, pretty. It was supposed to be so easy. Infiltrate the Medellín cartel, gather intel, report back. There was even a plan in place to extract you should anything go wrong. And go wrong it did, and nothing was there to break your fall.

Before that, before you watched boys play cards all day, before your only window to the outside world was a small TV, there was one person who tried to get you to back down. You thought he didn’t think you capable of anything because you’re young, inexperienced and a woman, but in hindsight you should have listened to him. It doesn’t matter that the others called him an asshole and you thought he was trying to dissuade you because he was jealous. He knew what he was talking about and you should have listened to him.

The man closest to you lights a cigarette, his face briefly doused in a gloomy red light. You think of them as men because it somehow makes it easier, but he looks barely 16. Your room quickly fills with smoke and you try to suppress a cough so they don’t hit you again.

That’s how this all started, with you getting punched in the stomach.

Your undercover mission asked a lot of you, maybe too much. You were aware that it might be necessary for you to sleep with some of the men you were trying to get close to, and when they asked you about this back at the embassy, you wouldn’t have any problem with it... Until it was about to happen. The man touched you, breathed into your face smelling of cheap alcohol and expensive cigars, and in a moment of sheer panic, you fought back and blew your cover.

That’s it. That’s all. You ruined the mission because you couldn’t lie still for five minutes, and now you’re paying for it.

You know there have been attempts to find you and you know you’re not the only hostage. Right at the beginning, you shared a room with a Colombian journalist who, before that, had shared a room with a famous Colombian TV presenter. You know there are negotiations, you sometimes see on TV that a hostage is returned to their family. One time, there were shouts and sirens and gunshots, but they blindfolded you and put you in a truck. That’s how you ended up here, in this room.

At first, you focused on the stories of the people who made it out alive, not on the stories of the people who didn’t. You’re DEA, and even though you fucked up, you know those three letters are like a protective spell woven around you. Yes, they will hold you captive for as long as possible, yes, they will use you to fight everything you stand for, but they won’t kill you. The more time passes though, the more you doubt anyone is still fighting for your safe return. They might not kill you, but you also won’t be getting out of here.

With every day that passes, with every day you grow weaker and more tired, those men stare at you more and more. At first, they didn’t dare to look at you, ignored you when you tried to talk to them, acted like you weren’t there. Now you catch their eyes on you frequently, hungrily taking you in. They still don’t touch you – not like that, anyway – but they hit you when you’re too loud, they press their fingers over your mouth, the smell of cigarettes and gunpowder making you gag, and sometimes their hands wander, to the small of your back, to your side. Even if you make it out of here alive, you won’t make it out of here unharmed.

It's a different day. At least you think it is. You sleep more and more during your period of nothing, but it isn’t a restful sleep. If anything, it makes you more tired, wearier. You dread waking up and you dread falling asleep and you dread being awake. But something is different today, something has changed while you were asleep. There are only two men with you tonight, and they look at you more and more, their faces unreadable. It unnerves you more than their openly lustful gazes. You pretend to ignore them as best as possible, but it’s hard when you don’t want to turn your back on them.

A third man comes into the room, one you haven’t seen before. He’s big, broad, a tight shirt stretching over his belly, lines around his eyes, thinning hair on his head. He doesn’t look at you, just steps over the two boys and switches on the TV that comes to life with a static crackle. On your mattress, you come alive too, your heart starting with a painful lurch. Whatever it is, this can’t be good for you.

You barely recognize the face on TV. It takes you about a minute to make sense of what you’re seeing, so unfamiliar you’ve become with the ambassador you used to take orders from. She looks the same – it’s you who has changed. Her suit is still perfectly pressed, her hair is still perfectly styled, she still speaks into the cameras in that calm, no-nonsense voice. It’s you who you don’t recognize, you who doesn’t make sense anymore.

It also takes you a while to understand her, to make sense of what she’s saying. You hear the words “hostages” and “negotiation”, and you know she’s talking about you and whoever else there may be, but definitely you. It would explain your captors’ faces. Something has happened, some new development that’s inconveniencing them. Maybe this is it. Maybe you’re being set free. Maybe even tonight. The thought makes you feel light-headed; you have no idea who you are outside of these four walls and that mattress.

“… end of negotiations. We will no longer regard terrorists as equal opposites in this. Any American hostages they might still have, or pretend to have, will, from today onward, be considered missing in action.”

What does that mean? Surely, they wouldn’t just … they wouldn’t just let you die, would they? You’re DEA, you can’t be missing in action, you’re not a soldier. The cartels can’t kill you, they wouldn’t do that. Just how the US wouldn’t abandon you, wouldn’t go on TV to sign your death warrant in front of a live audience. It doesn’t make sense.

You turn to your captors, as if looking for guidance, but they look just as lost as you. Even the big man. He keeps running his fingers through his thin hair, sweat beading on his forehead. One of the boys looks at him too, as if waiting for orders, the other is running the tip of his index finger through the dust on the floor. Why won’t they look at you?

“So we just kill her?” asks the boy who keeps staring at the big man. His name is Andrés Felipe. You know that because another boy let it slip once. You’re not supposed to know their names, and Andrés Felipe made sure that mistake would never happen again, but by then it was too late.

“Not yet,” the man answers. “We have to wait.”

Andrés Felipe groans. “What for? You heard that woman on TV. They’re done negotiating.”

“You don’t know that,” dust boy chimes in. “It could be a ruse.”

Andrés Felipe laughs at him. “As if you know anything about politics. You can’t even read.”

You look at Andrés Felipe then, truly look at him. You need the distraction. You need to pretend it isn’t you they’re talking about, as if your fate doesn’t depend on these three men. And there isn’t much else to do in this room but look. Andrés Felipe is young, younger than you, but older than dust boy. His face is free of wrinkles, free of the tell-tale signs of hunger and a tough upbringing in the favelas. He isn’t here because he needs to be, he’s here because he wants to be. Which also explains why he dares to speak up in front of the big man, whose maturity puts him in charge.

You don’t like Andrés Felipe, never have. Maybe it’s because knowing his name humanizes him and it’s easier to hate a human than some faceless, nameless villain. Maybe it’s because of the cruel glint in his eyes, or the way he beat up that boy who revealed his name. And now there’s his eagerness to kill you. There is no reason for you to feel any sympathy toward him.

“He’s right,” the big man says then. “Maybe they want us to kill all the hostages so they’ll have an excuse to send in the military.”

“They wouldn’t do that,” Andrés Felipe responds. “Everyone would know they’re liars.”

“They’re not,” dust boy dares to speak up again. “Missing in action also means they can be found. If you’re missing, you’re not dead. If the missing people die –”

He can’t finish his sentence because Andrés Felipe slaps him. “Shut up. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The big man doesn’t come to dust boy’s aid. He just smirks. “Quit it, you two, we’re sitting tight until we get our orders.”

“I’m fucking done waiting!” Andrés Felipe shouts and you flinch. He’s too loud. Someone will hear him. And they don’t have any reason to keep you alive now. It’s easier to shoot you and then run. “All I’ve been doing is waiting. Do you think I don’t have anything better to do with my time?”

The big man shushes him. You wish he would hit Andrés Felipe, put him in his place, but he just crosses his arms in front of his chest. “I say we wait.”

You close your eyes and breathe in deeply. Andrés Felipe says something else in that sharp, nasally voice of his, but you refuse to listen. Nothing good can come of it. Either they will kill you or they won’t. You’re too weak to think about either of these options. And you’re not going anywhere until those orders arrive, so you might as well …

When you wake up, the room is quiet, and you immediately know something is wrong. Even before you feel the cool, sharp blade against your neck, and before you smell the stale breath of the man holding it, cowering above you.

“Not one sound,” he hisses, and you recognize Andrés Felipe’s voice, uncomfortably loud in the quiet room. It’s so quiet, too quiet with just the two of you. The sounds of him unbuckling his belt are like explosions against your eardrums. You fight the urge to tell him to be quiet, but then your brain catches up with what your body already knows, and you kick your legs and shake your head.

You almost don’t feel the cut of the knife, but you do feel the hot drops of blood on your neck. “I told you to be quiet,” Andrés Felipe hisses. “Just don’t move.”

But you do, you do move, at least your hands that you ball into fists. You don’t want your life to end like this, in some shack somewhere in Colombia with a knife against your throat and a criminal inside of you. This can’t be it. They have to put you in front of a firing squad at least, don’t they? Not like this. Please, not like this.

Andrés Felipe touches your lower belly trying to unbutton your dirty pants, and you flinch, a terrified groan escaping your lips. The knife cuts deeper into the soft skin of your throat. “Shut up, you stupid bitch,” he growls.

Then there’s blood. Everywhere. It’s in your eyes, your mouth, you breathe it in, you taste it on your tongue. Andrés Felipe collapses on top of you, the knife landing on the mattress with a dull sound. You try to get out from under the heavy body, but you can barely lift his shoulders before your arm starts to tremble.

“Hey.” You wipe the blood out of your eyes to find a man kneeling next to you, shoving Andrés Felipe’s heavy body aside so you can sit up. You don’t know who he is, you’ve never seen him before, but he has to be someone higher up if he dared to kill Andrés Felipe. Because that is what just happened, you slowly realize. Andrés Felipe is dead and you’re covered in his blood.

The strange man reaches for you and you flinch away. “Ma’am, my name is Javier Peña,” he says, his voice steady and calm as if he’s been in this exact situation a million times before. “I’m with the DEA. I’m here to get you out.”

“The DEA?” you repeat, the English sounds feeling foreign in your mouth.

He reaches for you again, touches your shoulder, and this time you don’t flinch away. “You’re safe now.” He squeezes your shoulder, then stands up and holds out his hand to you. You take it and push yourself off the mattress.

“What happened?” you ask, trying to ignore the dead body, half its face gone.

“Maybe we should discuss this –,” Javier starts, but you don’t hear the rest of the sentence. Suddenly it feels like there are cotton balls lodged in your ears and the whole world turns dark, darker than it already is.

Someone is carrying you. You think you must be outside because you feel a light breeze on your face. You don’t remember the last time you smelled fresh air, but when you breathe in deeply, you’re enveloped in cigarette smoke and gunpowder. It’s not unpleasant, you realize with a start. It comes from a heavy leather jacket you’re wrapped in, and from the man carrying you. They never would have carried you like this, carefully, as if you might break, so you know you must be safe.

When you next open your eyes, you’re inside again. The room is so big it startles you at first. But the longer you let your eyes wander, the more your brain adjusts to help you realize you’re in a normal sized living room, sitting on a leather couch, a knitted blanket wrapped around your shoulders. You must have just sat up because your head is spinning and your limbs are trembling, but otherwise you feel like you can finally breathe again.

“Feeling better?”

You’re proud of yourself for not jumping at hearing his voice. “Yeah,” you answer, swallowing to wet your dry throat. You feel an unpleasant tug on your skin where Andrés Felipe cut you twice. “Where am I?”

You turn to look at him. He’s sitting on the couch next to you but with enough distance between the two of you so you don’t touch. He’s holding a half-smoked cigarette between his fingers, trying to hide the look of concern on his face. It’s something you will see a lot from now on, people looking at you as if you’re about to break.

“You’re in my living room,” he answers.

“Why not,” you have to swallow again, “why not at the embassy?”

He taps his foot nervously so his leg is jumping up and down, takes a drag. “Us coming to rescue you … that wasn’t exactly sanctioned by Noonan.”

“So you really are DEA?” you ask, even though there are a million other things you should ask first. Like if the press conference you saw on TV was really true. If Noonan and the United States were really prepared to let the remaining hostages die. But the longer you look at the man next to you, the more familiar he looks.

Javier nods at the same time as you burst out, “You tried to warn me, didn’t you? Back at the embassy? You told me I was in over my head with this. You’re the asshole!”

The surprise on his face is almost enough to make you laugh for the first time in months. “I’m the what?”

You open your mouth, but instead of an answer coming out of it, you start coughing uncontrollably. Your sides are burning by the time you’re done, but Javier is right there next to you with a glass of water that you accept gratefully.

“Let me take a look at your throat,” he says, watching you swallow down the cool liquid.

If you think about it, you haven’t been touched in months. You know you’ll flinch away before he even touches you, so you stiffen your muscles, determined to remain in place.

He must see it all on your face. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I know,” you say through gritted teeth.

His fingers are rough against your skin as he carefully tilts your head to the side. You barely flinch but you whimper because the movement hurts more than you would have thought. He hums quietly before standing up. “I’ll be right back.”

You raise your finger to your neck to find the skin there sticky with blood. Whether it is yours or Andrés Felipe’s you can’t tell. But the unfamiliar feeling makes you tremble again. You wish you could stop that, or at least suppress it. You wish the world would start making sense again. You miss your small room and your mattress and knowing what comes next. You don’t even know if Javier is telling the truth, if he really is who he says he is. Yes, he looks vaguely familiar, but until a few hours ago, you had no idea what time of day it was.

“Hey, hey,” Javier says softly. He is sitting next to you again, closer this time, but he’s still not touching you. “Breathe. You’re safe. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“None of it makes sense,” you mumble. You’re not sure if he’s heard you, but you do feel the pressure on your chest lighten.

“You have two cuts on your throat,” Javier goes on, shaking a small bottle of disinfectant. “They don’t look too bad, but I’d still like to clean them. Is that okay?”

How do you explain to him that you just spent months asking for permission instead of giving it? How do you explain to him that you don’t know how to decide anything for yourself anymore?

Not sure what to make of your silence, Javier goes on. “You can do it yourself if you want to. I can show you –”

You tilt your head to the side. “No, please. I want you to do it.”

Javier stops shaking the bottle of disinfectant, grabs a cotton ball, and pours some liquid over it. “Tell me if I hurt you.”

He does hurt you. The second he touches the cotton ball to the cut, you want to scream. It burns so much you can hardly take it. But you grit your teeth and you don’t complain. Because you don’t want him to stop. You know it’s just the isolation and the confusion of the last hours and the fact that your world doesn’t make sense anymore, but the way he dabs the cotton ball across the cut, brow furrowed in concentration, makes you feel safe. And you can’t remember the last time you felt like this.

“You’re being so brave,” he mumbles, and surely you must have misheard or you must have imagined it, because he continues in a normal voice, “Tomorrow, you should go see a doctor. I don’t have any medical training and it doesn’t look too bad, but it can’t hurt to be safe.”

You raise your fingers to touch your throat and briefly brush his as he draws them back. “Thank you,” you say when you find your skin free of dried blood. The cotton ball in Javier’s hand is now a blotchy red. “What happened?”

“I was hoping you could tell me,” Javier says, standing up to dispose of the cotton ball. “I think he cut you with a knife.”

“No, not that.” You sink back against the couch cushions and tightly wrap the blanket around yourself. “With Noonan and the hostages.”

Javier, who is standing in the open kitchen with his back toward you, stiffens. “It was just you,” he answers, pretending to clean some dust off the counter. “You were the only American hostage left. Because it took so fucking long to find you.” He turns to you, cringing. “Sorry. I meant it took us forever to find you.”

“You can swear,” you tell him, your cheeks tingling from the unfamiliar sensation of a smile.

He walks back toward you, and it’s as if you’re seeing him for the first time. He’s no longer the jealous man who was trying to get you to back off from a mission he told you you weren’t qualified for. He’s the man who risked his job – and his life – to save you. And you don’t quite know what to do with that.

To your disappointment, he sits down in a chair, not on the couch, and lights another cigarette. “We had your location eventually. But then, two days ago, the cartel released the businessman, the only other American being held. We had to give them three men in exchange, and the exchange almost went wrong. Someone high up in Washington must have decided that’s enough.”

“So it was true, what Noonan said on TV?” You feel hot and cold all over. “It wasn’t a ruse? They were prepared to let me die?”

Javier nods. “Yeah, but I wasn’t.”

Your heart stops for a short while. “Why?”

He shrugs. “You’re one of us.”

“You warned me. You told me not to go on this mission. I thought you were jealous.”

He barks out a short laugh. “No, I thought it was a stupid mission. Too dangerous. Not worth risking the life of one of our agents for. And it was putting all our other informants at risk too.”

You look down at your hands, barely recognizing them underneath the dirt clinging to your skin. “What happens next? Will you get reassigned?”

“I won’t get a medal, that’s for sure.” He takes a drag of his cigarette and his face lights up with a red glow. “Noonan will thank me privately but reprimand me publicly. And then she’ll send you home.”

“Me? Why am I being punished?” Your voice, still hoarse from disuse, rings in your ears.

He laughs again, loudly this time. “Darlin’, Colombia almost killed you. I wouldn’t call it punishment.”

Your heart kickstarts at the use of the diminutive. “I want to stay here. There’s still so much to do.”

He stubs out his cigarette. “What you need to do is take things easy. You just went through a horrible ordeal you haven’t even begun to process. Even if you do stay here, you need a break first.”

You want to protest, but you can’t find the strength. You feel weary, exhausted, like you spent the last month trekking through the jungle without a break. Your body is a heavy lump you hardly have control over.

The next thing you feel is Javier’s arms around you as he holds you tightly. “Hey,” he says again, and you could get used to the softness in his voice. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“No,” you mumble, trying to push him away, suddenly trapped in the memory of closing your eyes and waking up to a man holding a knife cowering above you.

Javier doesn’t take no for an answer. “You’ll sleep in my bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

You’re still not sure this is such a good idea, but there is no alternative you can think of, and your body is begging you to lie down on cool, clean sheets and forget the world for a while. You let Javier pull you up, and you manage to stumble not more than once as he leads you into a dark bedroom. He doesn’t switch on the light.

“I’m going to let you sleep in,” he tells you, sitting you down on the edge of the bed. “Do you want me to leave the door open in case you need me?”

“No, that’s fine,” you answer, weakly kicking off your dirty shoes. You just want him to leave so you can close your eyes.

He runs his hand from the top of your head down to your neck in a well-practiced, automatic motion. “I’m a light sleeper – just shout if there’s anything you need.”

You nod, and he finally steps back with a smile on his face. “Good night, Javi,” you say, your head hitting the pillow before you can stop it. He’s already at the door when you add, “And thank you.”

You can’t have been asleep for more than a few minutes when the sound of gunfire wakes you. It’s not close by, but the echo of it still reaches you, and before your brain has time to process, your body is already responding with a sob that shakes you from head to toe.

“I’ve got you,” Javier says, wrapping you up in his arms. You bury your face against his naked shoulder, trying to steady your breath, but you’re crying uncontrollably now.

“I’m sorry,” you sob.

All he does is run his hand up and down your back. “Shhhh, I’m here. Nothing is going to happen to you.”

His warm breath against the top of your head makes your heartbeat slow down, and you finally manage to swallow your tears. “I’m so sorry,” you repeat, feeling like you’re about to die.

“Come on, lie down,” he urges you gently, trying to lower you toward the mattress.

“No!” You cling to him desperately, but he pries your arms off him without much effort.

“I’ll be here, okay?” he soothes you. “Right in that chair over there.”

You don’t know what chair he’s talking about; you didn’t notice one when he led you into the bedroom, but you stopped noticing things a while ago. “Don’t leave me,” you beg.

He brushes your hair out of your face and places a soft kiss against your temple. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

When you next open your eyes, there he is, asleep in an armchair in the corner of the bedroom, the early morning sun dancing across his skin.

[jedidruid]

Not as clumsy or random as a blaster; an elegant weapon for a more civilized age: Lightsabers and Blasters and the Jedi

If there's one concept I love to rotate around in my head, its the Jedi's use of lightsabers and how they rarely use blasters outside of very extreme or fringe situation.

Like, we know its a purposeful choice on their part. It's far far simpler to get good at shooting a gun than it would be to become a master sword fighter. Add the Force into the mix, and the Jedi would become even more deadly warriors in a galaxy where they're already among the best, if not the best.

Obi-wan's time undercover as Rako Hardeen shows that he's able to match the skill of someone know as the "Marksman of Concord Dawn" with little issue. Kanan and later Ezra show just how much of an edge the Force can give in a shoot-out. In the first episode of Rebels, we literally see Kanan drop three or four stormtroopers in rapid succession while driving a speeder bike. All when he's still actively disguising/holding back his connection to the Force. We even see examples of mixing blasters and lightsabers in the Jedi games, with Cere Junda using both at the end of Fallen Order and Cal developing his own style of it partway through Survivor.

Every time we've seen a Jedi pick up a blaster, they can easily match trained soldiers and experienced fighters.

It's easy, and that's arguably why we don't see more Jedi using them.

To be a Jedi, a blaster is a clumsy weapon not because it somehow inaccurate or unwieldy, but because it gives them too few options.

For a Jedi with just a blaster, the only way to defend themselves against other people with blasters is to shoot back. Sure they could try and shoot the weapons out of their opponents' hands, but even then they would have no way to defend themselves or others from numerous shooters, nor would it stop a disarmed enemy from grabbing another weapon and undoing the Jedi's progress.

For a Jedi with just a blaster, the best way, the safest way, to end the fight is always going to be to shoot to kill.

When a Jedi has a lightsaber, however, it gives them so much more flexibility. They can provide cover for their allies or those they are protecting, they can turn blaster bolts back on their aggressors to discourage them from attacking, they can more easily advance to nullify the main advantage of blasters or more easily retreat and escape from any pursers. That's not even mentioning all the practical uses a lightsaber has as a tool outside of combat.

And sure, it's not that blasters in and of themselves don't suit the Jedi way. Stun blasters or emp/electrial blasters could be useful if they suited the situation.

But again, it's not about whats optimal or easiest, its about what those options take away from the table.

If you see someone running towards you with a blaster, you might risk pulling out your own and shooting your way out, depending on how desperate you are. After all, if you are thinking your life could end at any moment on another's whim, it's becomes more enticing to take the initiate and put yourself on even ground.

But if you see someone with a lightsaber? Where the danger at range comes not from being shot, but from your own attacks being turned against you? It might make you hesitant to attack, more willing another way out of the situation, whether through surrender, fleeing, or talking things out.

Does it always work out this? No, of course not. Fear makes people act impulsively, recklessly. But at the very worst, it can make it easier for a Jedi to deescalated and take control of a fight, where a blaster might only escalate the situation beyond anyone's control.

All of this is not to mention how the use of blasters can affect a Jedi's mentality. Cere Junda and Cal Kestis both rely on blasters in their darkest moments, when Cere returns to the Fortress Inquisitorius and when Cal is pursuing someone who betrayed him and killed those he cared about. Ezra's switching to use a proper blaster instead of rebuilding his stunning blaster/saber combo marks a dangerous shift in his thinking.

After all, it's all so easy to shot and kill someone, you barely have to move or think. Aren't some enemies not worth the effort of using your lightsaber? Maybe they're so inconsequential they're not even worthy to die by the weapon of a Jedi... they're less than worthless, less than a real person, they need to get out of the way or be forced out of it, how dare they oppose you!?!?

... ... ...

A lightsaber is a Jedi's weapon because it reflects what a Jedi is.

A lightsaber can be as dangerous to its user as it can be to their opponents. It requires training, self discipline, a sense of purposefulness that a blaster simply doesn't. The Jedi know what happens when they seek a quick and easy path....

A self-imposed limitation. A defensive weapon. A purposeful weapon.

An elegant weapon for a more civilized age.

[e-vay]

Evay QA Bulk Post 5

Here we go again! These do not include Domino or Phlox questions as I plan on addressing those in a separate post. I couldn't get through as many questions this time around but I did what I could. I'm sorry, I'm just a little mentally and emotionally overwhelmed right now so I can only respond to so many at a time.

Thank you all for reaching out ☺️ Despite my brain, I am always very appreciative to hear from you!

PERSONAL ASKS

sayain-princess-vegenta asked: What is some original artwork or stories you've been working on lately? I know you probably get a bunch of questions for established fandoms but spoil us with your own thoughts! 😇

A: Well that's very kind of you to ask! To be perfectly honest, I mostly stick to fan art or creating original characters that exist in an already established world. I only have one personal project that is completely original, but so far it's only character designs. I don't have a full story or world built yet. I'm not sure if I'll ever share it on here.

Anon asked: Who or what made you wanted to do art?

A: There wasn't anyone or any particular thing that made me want to draw. I've just been drawing since I was able to grasp a pencil (or crayon) in my hand and I've never stopped! 🥰

Anon asked: Have you ever caught someone stealing or drawing your art?

A: Ohohoho, allllll the time

-

MISC SONIC ASKS

Anon asked: Do you still like sonic boom or are you over it?

A: My love is everlasting!

Anon asked: Hello Evay_art I always wonder have you always thought doing Amy Rose game???

A: Hi! Do you mean for me to make an Amy Rose game? I don't have the talent to do that, but gosh do I want there to be an Amy game so badly! ☺️ She deserves it! I would love to play a game devoted to her. I thought The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was especially great because she was a major character in it!

Anon asked: What is your opinion of Sally Acorn? Do you like the idea of her and Sonic have had a relationship? In fact, something I never got an answer for, is she considered canonical?

A: I'm not a fan. Plenty of people can argue for or against Archie characters, but Archie is not considered part of the game canon like IDW is.

Anon asked: I keep on hearing everyone talk about Hell Hath No Fury, so I finally got curious enough to read it! I have to say that it was coming out really good! Do you plan on working on it again any time soon?

A: Thank you for checking it out! I'm glad you were enjoying it. Yes I do plan on picking it back up eventually.

Anon asked: Does HHNF take place in Sonic Boom(Sorry if this is a stupid question)

A: It's not a stupid question at all. HHNF is a Modern Sonic story, not Sonic Boom. Also, it is not part of my AU. It's a completely separate story 🖤

fungus101 asked: Can you do more Werehog stuff

A: Oh I plan on it! I love drawing werehogs!

Anon asked: I have a question since sonic boom has been over for a while now. Do you still like the designs from it or have you moved on? Cause I know the sonic boom designs are somewhat of a future designs for some of your comics. I was just wondering if it would be Recon at this point

A: I still love the Sonic Boom designs and they're still part of my canon. I try to draw more than just Boom (I've been especially neglectful of the Modern designs and I need to do a better job of that), but the Boom designs are still my most favorite to draw.

sonicx1027 asked: Hey Evay, I’m curious if you are going to make another comic in the future, especially with the new Sonic Characters being added from the IDW series. If you are, have a story in mind?

A: I definitely plan on including IDW characters in future comics! I need to catch up on the IDW comics before I feel comfortable enough to write anything. I want to make sure I keep them as in-character as possible. But in the meantime I do have plans of having them make little appearances.

itsyourboysworld asked: on a scale of one - ten how made are you that we still don’t have a trailer for sonic the hedgehog 3 because for me it’s infinite

A: WHY ARE THEY TORTURING US?! GIVE US A TRAILER!!!! I am sure it will be worth the wait but it's killing me.

Anon asked: How do you feel about Mighty the armadillo?

A: It's funny because I think one of the Tailstube videos (or perhaps it was one of the Twitter takeovers) made the point that Mighty is basically just a more mellow version of Sonic and I do agree, I've always thought that. I actually think he's like a fusion of Sonic and Knuckles, but super chill.

-

MY OCs/AU ASKS

emceevoices asked: In Boom Baby, what was the movie Sonic, Amy, and Eggman were watching? In my dub, I had them watch the 93 Super Mario Bros movie, but did you have any specific movie in mind?

A: I believe you're talking about Chapter 5.1 of My Gal. They are watching my own make-believe Overwatch movie lol I just wanted an excuse to draw Mercy as a Mobian

toonfan91 asked: Oh my gosh I thought your tumblr was dead, as a fan of your work it is stellar seeing new Sonic art from you again, or art at all really. I do have one question, if you were to have the time and willingness to, would you draw designs for the Freedom Fighters (Sally, Bunnie, Antoine, Rotor and Nyx) that fit in your AU and try to work them subtly into it?

A: I'm still alive! Haha 😄 Thank you so much, I'm really glad you are enjoying my new work! I'm sorry to disappoint but I was never a fan of the Archie comics or characters, so no I do not include them in my AU. Sorry!

milangakokoros asked: Has pensado dibujar a whisper y tangle como si fueran parte del AU donde Aurora existe? Como serian sus vidas? Dime que estarian casadas jajsjj

A: I do plan on adding Tangle and Whisper 🥰 I need to get caught up on the IDW comics to make sure I'm writing them in-character, but they will make an appearance in the near future.

furrylovergril495 asked: Also how old is Aurora? Ps I think she one of the nicest fan kids I ever since

A: Thank you so much, I'm so glad you like her! 💗 I don't like to include exact ages because I don't think Mobians age the same way humans do. Especially since SEGA has redacted the Sonic characters' ages. But for majority of my drawings, Aurora is the human-equivalent of about 20-23 years old.

Anon asked: can you draw super Aurora and tell me what abilities she has

A: 😊 I've drawn Super Aurora (aka "Aurora Borealis") quite a few times! [x] [x] [x]. She has all the standard Super Hedgehog powers (Flight, strength, invincibility, etc.)

thechosenflow asked: How does Metal sonic interact with Aurora? Are they friends or does Metal act as a guardian?

A: I've only drawn the two crossing paths once. I like to think that Metal Sonic is secretly in love with Amy, and so when Amy and Sonic get married he is pretty devastated. Maybe he gets his own Metal Amy and has his own Metal family??? 👀

Anon asked: So we know that Sage is best friends with Aurora but how is she with Rouge and Knuckles son's? I forgot their names😭

A: That's okay, I have a lot of characters. You're asking about Ruff & Tumble! Honestly I don't see her having much of a relationship with them. They are quite a bit younger than Aurora so I don't think Sage would have much reason to be around them often. HOWEVER! I do write Sage to have a friendly-competitive relationship with CC, and since CC does not care much for the hyena boys, that means Sage automatically gets a kick out of them.

antooogamer asked: What happened to Sonic's scarf? Do you keep it or when you retire will you give it to one of your grandchildren?

A: With how much danger that hedgehog gets in to, that scarf would have been ripped to shreds! No way it survived long enough for his grandkids to have it 😆

Anon asked: Have Aurora ever met Blaze, Sliver, and Amy's parents?

A: Blaze and Silver are friends with Sonic and Amy so she definitely would have met them at some point. I originally wrote Amy's parents as having passed away before she and Sonic got married, but I recently decided to change that! The Rose 'rents will be alive in my canon! So yes she'd have met them, too!

cyberdiesel asked: What is Aurora's relationship with the Gogobas and Froglodytes (including Og) like?

A: Aurora does not have any relationship with them (I did not care for them so I don't plan on ever drawing them haha)

Anon asked: What did Sonic and Aurora do for Amy on Mother's Day?

A: They spoiled her rotten by making her the most delicious, sweet, unhealthy breakfast imaginable with pancakes and ice cream and all the flavor syrups! Sonic even cleaned up after!

Anon asked: Does Aurora loves Chillidogs like his father?

A: Nobody loves chilidogs as much as Sonic haha But she does enjoy them. She kinda has to, chili dogs are a staple in the Rose household!

medi0creartz asked: There’s something I’ve been thinking for a long time. I don’t know if someone asked you this but has Cream and her Mom Vanilla ever meet Aurora?

A: Of course! Cream is Amy's best friend. Aurora absolutely would have met her!

echidnapower asked: So, difficult philosophical lore math question for you. 👀 Aurora and Sage are besties. Aurora is the daughter of Sonic the Hedgehog. Sage is Dr. Eggman’s daughter. Dr. Eggman wants to destroy Sonic and take over the world. Sage never wants to hurt Aurora. Eggman hurting Sonic would hurt Aurora. Sage is "presumably" loyal to Eggman. Solve for X, if you know what I mean. >:)

A: echidnapower you always ask the tough questions! It might not be very exciting, but Eggman mellows out in my AU as he gets older and he even adores Aurora, so he has no intention of hurting her. Sage does want to rule the world and make the Eggman Empire reign supreme, but she wants to do it passively and by intelligent means, not through destruction ;) Sorry that's a boring answer for you!

km0901 asked: Hi again! A question that's been on my mind lately comes from your "Time travel" comic. In it, we know that Aroura goes back in time to save Shadow, but from what? I first thought it might be DR. Eggman, but he has seemingly moved on with his life along with everyone else. This leads to the big question, who or what is this new menace?

A: I know this is a disappointing answer, but I can't reveal what the threat behind that storyline is yet! You'll have to wait when I can finally write that story out as a fic. All I can confirm is that the threat is invented by me. It is not an antagonist from the game canon. I'm so sorry I can't share more!

Anon asked: will you ever draw your human AUs for sonic again sense you have a newer art style ( btw speaking of art style i Love it and absolutely adore everything you post)

A: You are such a sweetheart, thank you! I'm really happy to hear that. I'll draw human Sonic characters again, just not sure when :) Some people really hate the way I draw the gijinka Sonic characters so that's why I don't do it much. But whatever, it is what it is. It's not going to stop me forever lol I'm happy you like it!

Anon asked: I love the design for Movie Aurora!! Since Tom and Maddie are like Sonic's adopted parents (if Aurora lives on earth), would you see Tom and Maddie show her tons of affection like grandparents?

A: Thank you so much! Yes I'm sure Tom and Maddie would be over the moon to have a grandbaby! I have the cutest vision in my head of them having to buy doll clothes for her since she's so little.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

Anon asked: Now that i thought, have the Shadora Offspring ever met Black Doom? If they did what's their relationship with him?

A: The Shadora Horde are aware of their lineage [x] [x], but no they don't have a relationship with Black Doom at all. If Black Doom were alive, Shadow definitely wouldn't let him anywhere near his kids.

-

SHIPPING ASKS

aeroranger100 asked: What inspired you to make My Gal? Or maybe I should ask, what got you on board the SonAmy ship in the first place? 💙🩷

A: My Gal came about simply because I thought, if Sonic were to ask Amy out, how would it go? Although I love sappy romance and angst, I actually prefer writing comedies so I put it in the Sonic Boom universe because I could go super silly with it! Though, I still think their date might go sort of like the events of My Gal no matter what universe it takes place in 😉 As far as why I first started shipping Sonamy, it was simply by learning who Amy was in the first place! The moment I saw her and got to know her character I thought, oh, this girl is the one. I wrote a very detailed post about it a long time ago if you'd like to read it! It wasn't meant to persuade anyone, it was just meant to illustrate why I'm so passionate about those two!

Anon asked: Your Sonamy art always gives me life and I love whenever you draw them smooching😘😘 Question: Do you have any art of Sonamy making out? Or if you know of another artists could you point me to them? I'm having cravings!!

A: Thank you so much! Honestly I feel like I draw them making out all the time 🤣 The entire ending and Epilogue of My Gal is just them kissing constantly haha! I'm working on some birthday drawings that should satisfy that craving of yours 👀

Anon asked: Hope I’m not annoying but what are Shadow’s, Sonic’s and Amy’s orientations(sexualities)? I know you answered What are shadora children sexualities but I really am curious about this. Also,love your art💜🙌

A: You're not annoying and thank you for the compliment! Honestly I can only answer for my own characters because they are 100% made by me. Unless SEGA officially confirms what Sonic, Shadow, and Amy's preferences are then I can't say for certain. We can all just imagine what we want.

Anon asked: Are Sonic and Amy still an active couple when their grandparents? And what do you mean by active e-vay? 😏Plz explain if you want😊…. I’m very curious 😂

A: Anon, you are too funny. You can't ask me a question and then follow it up by "what do you mean" when it was your question! 🤣 Yes they're still very active, however you mean it to mean! 😜

Anon asked: Do you think boom sonic has feelings for amy as well?

A: Absolutely I do! He was so sweet on her in that show!

Anon asked: What if sonamy was a same gender couple?

A: I've said it before but I'll say it again: As long as they're together and they're happy, I'm happy!

Anon asked: hi e-vay what's ur fav sonamy universe?? (boom, prime, etc.)

A: Hi! Wow, that's really difficult for me to pick. Boom was definitely the most fun for me. That show made me laugh so hard and Sonic and Amy were both so handsome and pretty, and they were so funny the way they interacted. I am still 100% of the belief that they were secretly dating during that show!!! But Modern has the most potential. It can be fun and it can be serious, so if they ever wanted to take Sonic down a romantic path I think it would be more meaningful in the Modern context.

Anon asked: desearía tener más contenido tails x cc realmente los amo!!

and makarov asked: More cc x tails comics pleeeaseeee🥺? And will you do an cc x tails animation?

A: I'm so happy you like the LoveBytes (TailsXCC) ship! I promise I'll draw more in the future 💛 I'm sorry for the wait. I don't know about an animation but definitely more drawings to come.

nightfurylover31 asked: I’ve been listening to Backstreet Boys again to relive my childhood, and the songs “Shape of My Heart” and “I Don’t Wanna Lose You Know” feel like perfect Sonamy songs! 🥰💙🥰🩷

A: Backstreet Boys! Talk about ROMANCE! I love those and of course now I will associate them with Sonamy 🥰 Thank you for sharing!

blueberryydraw asked: hey e-vay! I love your works and I'm a big fan of Sonic. Would it be possible for you to make a Sonamy movie? :)

A: Thank you so very much! Are you asking if I could make a sonamy animation some time? If so, I can't say much about it but there is a very special project I'm working on! It won't be ready for a very long time, but when I can talk about it, I will!

ultimate-guardian asked: What do you say about Knuckles x Mighty?

A: I don't personally ship the two of them together

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

Anon asked: Sonic does not want Shadow to date Aurora cause he thinks he might hurt her or is it because they don't like each other?

A: It wouldn't matter if it was Shadow or not, Sonic doesn't want Aurora dating anyone. He doesn't think anyone is 'good enough' for his daughter.

–

Thank you all for the questions!

Evay QA Bulk Post 1

Evay QA Bulk Post 2

Evay QA Bulk Post 3

Evay QA Bulk Post 4

[jianhue]

Information about William !! (Moral Orel oc)

Stuff you should know !

1. My English is HORRIBLE. I don't have the greatest vocabulary so most of my sentences are repetitive

2. His information might change over time.

3. Uhh idk if this needs any warning but there is some topics about trauma and stuff so watch out for that

4. This is written informally lol

5. I made this around midnight, there's some mistakes

Text form:

Basic information:

Name: William Boltspin

Age: 36

Occupation: Psychologist

Height: 5’11

Habits: over analysing people’s small gestures, thinking out loud, tripping on nothing when nervous, fidgeting, freezing when in put into a tight spot

Hobbies: Reading, watching stuff go down

Introduction:

Will is introduced as a new person in town. He recently moved in, and since nobody was willing to show him around, Orel did. But in a typical Moral Orel episode, something happens. In the good will of Orel, he shared a little too much. This kind of scared Will out, but he still stayed in the town. Mostly because he was fascinated by how the town was old-school. At first, he got along with the townspeople, but they soon realised they had different principles and ideals.

Seeing how he wasn't really attending the daily sermons, Orel took it upon himself to invite him to church. Will isn't really the type to go to church daily, but seeing how everyone was going and how eager Orel was to get him to attend the sermons, he started attending daily too. After an episode focusing on his move, he became a typical side character, only showing up on screen for a few scenes or just in the background.

Show appearances:

During season 1, aside from his little worries and complaints about the children in town having too much freedom, Will is seen acting fairly normal. He's been seen in church, walking to the doctor’s office, etc. Most of his appearance is just him passing by; sometimes he gives out advice that is a bit too vague.

In season 2, his concerns grow, and he starts to disagree with some of the other characters. He doesn’t get along with Reverend Putty much, but he does tolerate him. Will offers to babysit some of the children, mostly doughy or shapey. It’s mostly because he sees signs of neglect. Unfortunately, he does have work of his own, so he isn’t always there for them.

Upon learning about his profession, some started to doubt his faith. He still attends church even with people talking about him, and his only reason is because of Orel. Will does try to correct the behaviour of some people, but when he gets a bad response (which happens every time), he takes it back. Sometimes, mostly by accident, he does the same thing he criticises people for. Telling people not to yell in front of children or to not show any bad behaviour they can pick up.

He still bonds and gives some proper advice to Orel, but makes sure to keep him at arm's length. He’s afraid of being dragged into the things Orel does. But in an episode, he finally had the courage to join Orel. He follows him around and secretly does things so they avoid trouble. But of course, trouble does happen. Before Orel was taken to Clay’s study room, they made eye contact. Will felt responsible since he was an adult and he was around Orel the whole time. Even though he felt immense guilt, he was still too afraid to intervene. He mouthed the words “I’m sorry, Orel.” In the end, he became a bystander. Something he wished he never would be.

Season 3 is where Will’s mental health starts to deteriorate. He feels guilty for being so hypocritical. Feeling responsible for kids he isn’t even related to has taken a toll on him. Other adults also started to vent out their problems to him at the bar, hoping for some advice from Will.

His last scene is Orel finding him sitting at an alley next to Forghetty’s Bar. Will was drunk and cried to Orel about everything he hated, even calling Clay a bastard right in front of him. After that furious rant he calmed down and started muttering about how he “didn’t want to be like this” and that he’s sorry for being such a horrible person, a bystander, a hypocrite, a coward, a person he can’t rely on. He picks up his glasses and apologises before realising who he was dumping all his problems to. It was Orel. A child. He remembers his promise to himself, never burden a child with your problems. Not even as an accident. Not knowing what to do, he just froze and cried.

After that scene, Will would be seen avoiding children. He’s seen more often in the bar, mostly in the background or puking at the corner.

Upbringing:

As a kid, Will would be told to turn a blind eye to things that were not his business. Around his teenage years, he would witness a violent crime, but instead of helping, he just pretended he didn’t see anything and walked away. The person would later be found dead. Will couldn’t take it; he felt extreme guilt, blaming himself for not saving them or even just calling the police.

His mother also had violent outbursts, venting her problems to her son. He felt responsible for her, so he just took everything. Beatings, berating, everything. Will basically took care of her. His mother was a very judgmental woman, whispering to him about people around his neighbourhood. Will gaslights himself to think that it’s just his mother’s way of showing concern and affection. When he finished college, his mother passed away. He never actually bothered to find his father because his mother told him, “It’s not worth finding that bastard of a man." Will just followed what his mother said. But in the end, his own mother’s last words were, “I fucking hate that face of yours. You’re a spitting image of that fucking bastard.”

He already knew his mother actually hated him. He just denied it. But hearing it straight from her just made him lose it. Will swore to never treat a child like his mother did to him.

[roseshewrites]

POV: Lucifer comforts you during an ugly cry

-Depressed reader

-Self loathing reader

-Artistic reader

If you need an ugly cry, now's the time. Lucifer's got yah. 💖

You were curled up on the window seat by your bed, staring despondently out at the hellish night sky. 

It had been a bad day for you. 

Nothing had gone wrong per se, but for some weird reason this morning, you had woken up feeling so...sad. You tried to ignore it. You drank your morning coffee, said hello as cheerfully as possible to the other inhabitants of the hotel. Even going so far as to help Charlie and her dad with their day to day patron check ins and inventory detailing.

And to be honest, it was nigh impossible to feel fucking sad around them both. Charlie, with her bright happy demeanor, and the ease that Lucifer chuckled at your jokes, you started to feel around midafternoon that maybe your bad mood that morning was just a random event. 

But, no. 

Because as soon as you were alone, as soon as you realized you had your own shit to do and got back to your room, the silence and isolation of it hit your ears and heart and you just stood there staring at the mess on the floor. 

You had so much to do. Messes to clean up, artwork commissions that people were waiting on, written pieces that needed editing and published; your bathroom was a mess, and you had no clean towels, so you couldn't shower this mood away. The clothes you're in are still relatively fresh but have been worn all day to now, so just to get out of them and into some pajamas would be a blessing. 

 But you had no clean clothes either. They were all in a pile on the floor. 

You don't know how long you stood there just staring at everything, but it was awhile. Long enough for you to curl up on your window seat, fall asleep in the hell's afternoon sun, and ignore the pain that beat in your chest with your heart, and that threatened to make pinpricks of tears form in your closed eyes. 

You had awoken tireder than before, hungry and thirsty, and now just flat out pissed at yourself for napping the day away instead of taking this low maintenance time at the Hotel to deal with your own business. 

You gulped, fighting that emotion, feeling your cheeks heat up with rage at yourself when a soft knock echoed from your door, and you jumped, not expecting it at all. 

"Hey-O, it's Lucifer. Can I come in?" 

His deep voice boomed a bit. Definitely hard to miss. 

"Y-yeah," you called hesitantly, then cringed when the door actually cracked open, spilling light with it onto the carpeted floor of your room which illuminated each and every embarrassing pile of clothing, art supplies, and random clutter that you hadn't been able to bring yourself to pick up in the past week no matter how you berated yourself for it. 

"Oh fuck" you said, "I'm so sorry. It's a mess in here. I'm sorry." 

But Lucifer was already cheerfully making his way across the room, not paying any attention to the inner workings of the room. Thank god.

He waved your apologies away going, "No, no, I've seen worse I promise!" 

Maybe he was inwardly judging you for it. But nothing on his face suggested that at all, actually he seemed mainly focused on having a seat beside you. You scooted over so he could, and the two of you sat in silence for a little bit. 

You played with your hair, willing yourself to speak to him, as he surely must have come in here for a reason, but the words for idle chatter were definitely not in your vocabulary right now. You settled with letting the side of your forehead rest on your window, the cool glass easing your aching head a bit. 

"You okay, kiddo?" He said softly. 

You shook your head silently, not wanting the tears that leaked out at that question. Why was it when someone asked when you were okay, everything hurt even more? 

"I don't know what's wrong with me," you whispered, the tears tracking past your lips, salty and hot. Your lip trembled unwillingly. Embarrassed about this, you bit your lip and fought to get your crumpled face somewhat under control. 

"I could tell something was wrong earlier." 

You peeked at him. He was blurry through the tears but you could make out the round shape of his face, how hell's moonlight illuminated his blond hair and cast shadows across his cheeks. He had his hat off and was holding it in his hands. 

Lucifer spotted you looking, and smiled, his kind crimson eyes crinkling. 

"You could?" You whispered. 

"Yeah, hun. You wanna talk about it?" 

"I - I just-" you gulped, stifling a sob that wanted to rise, and you wanted to talk, but the golfball of anger in your throat prevented you. 

"Hey, hey!" He scooted closer, closing a small dark hand over yours. You nearly flinched at the closeness, but you appreciated the gesture anyway. "Tell me about it. I'm not here to judge, honey, I swear. I promise." 

"I just FEEL like this for no reason!!" You burst out, the emotional whirlwind coming undone, finally undammed in your voice which was horrible and made your heart beat fast, "I have NO REASON to be sad. NONE. And why?! Because my brain decided it one day?! And I'm just stuck like this forever?!" 

The tumultuous sob that broke from you then was ungodly. You had felt this constant sadness as an undercurrent in your chest and stomach for as long as you could remember, and had coped with it as best as you knew how for all that time. And here it was, rearing its ugly face in the form of choking, hot angry sobs that had your body and throat trembling in front of the King of Hell, of all people- 

"Oh sweety, no. Come here. Come here..." 

You felt arms around you, strong and warm, and you tensed, then when you realized he really didn't mind, melted into his arms and allowed him to truly hold you, your face pushed into his chest and silently scream into the fabric of his warm clean smelling jacket. 

He held and rocked you, stroking your hair softly, the rumble of his deep voice vibrating as he said, "Let it out. It's all right. Just let it out. I'm here." 

You clutched his jacket and your breath was hot as the ugly cry wracked you, his shoulder steadying and his hand playing with your hair as he continued to comfort you, as your breathing slowed steadily until it was a series of hiccups that filled you with tiredness. His shoulder was wet, but he didn't seem to mind. 

You sniffed, whispering, "I'm sorry." 

"Why?" 

"Because. I'm upset for no fucking reason. No reason at all." 

"It's called depression, honey. I've been there. Sometimes, you just feel that way. Sometimes it seems like it lasts forever. Like it'll never stop. Right?" 

"...Yeah.." You sniffed again. "I can't. I don't remember. I've never been - completely-" 

"You've never felt all the way normal?" 

"Yeah." 

He released you, digging into his pocket for a handkerchief which he handed you, and you took gratefully, blowing your nose with an embarrassing amount of snot and leftover tears leaking from your itchy eyes. 

"Tell you a secret. I never have, either." 

You looked up, surprised. "You?" 

"Yeah," he chuckled, "Me." 

"The King of Hell has major depressive disorder?" You choked into the wet napkin, unable to help a sob-sounding little giggle - "-Sorry-" 

"No, laugh it's okay, because it is kinda ridiculous, right?" He grinned, "Me. One of the first angels. God's favorite. And there's something chemically wrong with my brain! Go figure, right?" 

"Dude that's fucked up," you giggled, hiccuping. 

"It is, right?!" 

"So effed. Fuck God, honestly-" 

"You're not joking," Lucifer said so seriously that you cracked up into a hysterical giggle, and his booming chuckles filled the room musically. 

"Ahh, fuck," you said, feeling warmer, a lot better, and a little adrenaline-rushed. But calmer. 

"Wanna tell me about it?" 

"It's this," you gestured at the room, "God it's a mess. I have so much to do, and...I've been doing none of it." 

It all poured out of you, then, your story- how over your own head you were with your own chores, the physical ones that were only as simple as laundry, and keeping your area clean, and then continued with the work you needed to do that people were expecting from you. That you expected from yourself but were somehow unable to find the energy for. 

"It just sounds like you're overwhelmed, that's all. And that happens with depression," he related. "You've been fighting for so long, it catches up with you, and you just melt down. I get it, sweety. I do." 

"It just never has before. I usually don't let it get to me like this." 

"And that's okay," he reassured you, "Really. You gotta take the good with the bad. And if you happen to need some help, that's all right too. You might need medication, something to take the edge off. In my experience it doesn't kill the depression entirely, but..." 

"It makes it tolerable?" 

"With how deep yours goes, yes," he said. 

"That sucks." 

"I know, hun." 

"I might never be free from it," you sighed.

"Well there's definitely no cure-all for it, but like I said, there are ways to cope, and ways to fight it, and make it through without losing your mind entirely." 

"I want it to stop. I don't like being this way." 

"Me neither," he agreed. "When it comes to having felt that way for your whole life, I understand. There might not be a way out, but there is a way through. Get it?" 

You nodded, "I think so." 

"Ready to get up and clean your room a little?" 

You smiled, "Yeah.." 

"Come on," he hopped up, taking your hand and helping you up too. You stumbled because you had been sitting so long that your legs were asleep. 

Lucifer cut on some lights- not the overheads, those were too bright for you and made you want to hiss- so the bedside lamp on your night stand was switched on, and the both of you commenced to picking up around the room. 

Lucifer was asking you the occasional question or remarking like "Where do I put this?"- and, "Oh I loved that book, you have good taste-" 

All this until your dirty laundry was confined to a hamper in your closet, your artwork (some of it wrinkled) put into neat piles on your desk, your laptop was found somewhere under the bed, along with a series of truly monstrous dust bunnies and several pairs of shoes you'd forgotten you even owned. 

"I'll do something for you, but just this once," he winked, then snapped his fingers and with a golden -pop!-, your dirty laundry flew into the air from the hamper, rippled itself clean then cascaded one by one into your dresser drawers nicely folded and put away. A fresh scent of tide lingered in the air. 

"Don't go asking me to do your laundry all the time though, kid- oof" 

You had caught him up in a sudden warm hug, squeezing him tight while he chuckled into your shoulder. You'd forgotten you were a whole head taller than him. 

"You're welcome," he grinned up at you. "You gonna be okay?" 

You nodded, and smiled in return, loving how his eyes glinted and shone with that jester like amusement. 

"I'll be okay," you told him. 

After he left, and after you had showered and gotten changed, you sat at the end of your freshly made bed and sighed, waiting for that returning feeling of hopelessness. It tried, but it didn't go very far. You were very tired. 

No, there were a lot of ways that you would never be okay. But there were also people surrounding you who loved you, and care for your well-being and existence. There are ways to cope, like Lucifer was saying, and all that. 'You can be gentle with yourself,' you thought. 'Maybe come back to your work after tomorrow...take a day to unwind and brainstorm..' 

With that in mind, you turned off the lights, crawled in between clean sheets, and dozed off knowing that your journey into healing would continue to grow into something much better than it is now. 

You just have to work on it. 

[etherfabric]

Messages for Reassurance + Songs

Choose a pile by which picture you resonate with the most.

If your mind is too busy to clearly decide, take a few deep breaths, and use the finger of your non-dominant hand to hover over the images. One will give off the most subtle yet prominent signals, like tingles, a magnetic pull, or temperature. This is your pile. Multiples are also possible.

Pile 1

Knight of Cups, High Priestess

The hope inside of you is not delusion. You are safe to go after the things that seem promising and enriching. The days where you couldn't hear your gut well enough to listen to it are gone. Serendipities of various sizes permeate your day to day life, and it feels almost to good to be true. Did you really make it? Yes, dear. You did. You embraced your shadows enough to bask in the sun again.

Of course this is no utopia, and the frights of the past have sharpened your foresight to real possibilities, but believe yourself when you can't feel any danger closeby. You are stronger, smarter, and in better company than ever before. Now all there is left to do is putting some weight in those timid steps towards your bliss. Don't worry about tripping - you'll land on your foundation and get up again, eyes forward, one foot in front of the other. You will get there as soon as you fully arrive internally, and you are so close to completion already. You will see it once you believe it.

Pile 2

6 of Wands, The Hanged Man

You are exactly where you are supposed to be, in the exact context and circumstances you see at this very moment, inside and out. The conditions are perfect for you thrive in. You might have to get a little unorthodox in your approaches, and the shape of other people's successes sometimes clouds your inspiration, but let good be good enough for now. Think of past you - they prayed to have what you have now.

Okay, yes, they were a little misguided in a few details of their wishes (thankfully rejection is divine protection), and in thinking once you would be here, everything would be perfect - life is still life, you are still human - but the lessons that led you here widened your understanding of how everything had to happen this way. Guess what, future you will look back at this very moment with the exact same wisdom and compassion.

You can work with what you have at your disposal and rightfully expect the glory of tangible progress. Just keep doing what you are doing already, keep it simple and managable, and there will be nothing significant standing in your way. Those bouts of stagnation? That's where the depth of your skills comes from in the first place. Just like muscles, the soul and mind need their periods of liminal passivity to come back with full force to charge you ahead. You are on the right track. You are doing great. You can be proud of yourself.

Pile 3

Page of Swords, 10 of Wands

Oh dear. It's okay to say you are tired. It's okay to break apart. It's okay to hurt and just want to quit it all. Why are you carrying all this by yourself, tasks and thoughts alike? Don't you know the relief once you put them both down? For the thoughts: Speak, write, scream. To somebody, or nobody. The most important part is admitting it. Then at least you are freed of the burden to act like everything is fine. I know you are scared, I know you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place if you knew for sure you could let go. But I trust in the magic of coincidences, and you reading this right now tells me you need to stop swimming against the current and let the flow carry you downstream.

Stop clinging to things that only stay if you wreck yourself. The tide will wash them out of your hands anyway, because soon you will reach your body's limits, and then the decision will be made for you. Let the dam break. Let nature take its course. You are so smart and truly believed the best, I can see that, and it's no lack of character that caused things to go this way. But this wasn't meant for you. I know it hurts. I hurt with you. But once you stop fighting gravity, you will be drawn to what is truly for you. Put the burden down. I know you had the best intentions, but it's over. You can rest now.

Pile 4

9 of Cups, Knight of Pentacles

You already know this, but slow and steady does indeed win the race. Instead of doing a million things exhausting yourself, you are focusing on a handful of daily tasks, knowing they will lead you exactly where you want to be. Time and consistency are on your side. You know you don't have to be perfect and can always pick up where you left off. Appreciation from outside sources resonates with your own satisfaction about how things are playing out for you.

Your longterm goals seem closer than ever. You have your routine down pat, and trust in your ability of finding even better tweaks and spins for it in the future. This calm air of confidence looks so good on you! You have earned it. You can read the signs relative to your success, know which road to take, and which pitfalls to avoid. You feel incredibly rich and know how to pass the time until certain things come to fruition. It used to make you anxious when you were faced with slowpaced processes, and you fell back on less sustainable approaches to selfsoothe. Now you appreciate the journey itself, even welcome the delays, so you have ample time to smell the flowers on the side of the road.

[diabolik-art-blog]

I owe everyone a big apologies. For disappearing suddenly and leaving my novel. I don't know if my followers are still active or not. I just sometimes checked my friends. Now it's time for my confession. I used exams as an excuse to justify my long absence from this fandom. But the issue was much bigger. The truth was that I was mentally unstable. The reason was the bad behavior I received from someone in this fandom. I always thought that when adults are in a fandom, their goal is to have fun, not to threaten each other. Maybe you consider my behavior childish or tell me that I should not make a big deal about such a small issue. But please understand that not all people can be as strong as you. Maybe some people are sensitive, especially when they receive a threat from someone because their favorite ship is different. I don't like to mention anyone's name because I don't want this drama to be big, but this person has hurt my friends before too. There is absolutely no way to justify this person's bad behavior. This person imposes their opinions on others and even threatens others. Now you can understand why I was mentally unstable.

In any case, I thought a lot. My decision was to leave the fandom without telling anyone. I even decided to stop my activity slowly so that no one would notice my absence. I even briefly went back to an old blog of mine that was for the Miraculous fandom, but now I realized something. DL is not the first fandom that I worked in, so at first I thought that I did not belong to it, but when I was away from DL, I realized that DL fandom was like home for me. I've been in a lot of fandoms before, but none have brought me as much joy as DL. Maybe the reason is Yui. Yui gives me the feeling of life. So far no MC has given me.

That's why I realized that even if I try to stay away from DL, Yui will still bring me back. She takes me back home. DL has always been like home to me. I decided to come back. I want to continue my novel again. But the previous events still remain in my mind and scare me a little. That's why I want to turn off the anon box for now. I hope you understand that I mentally need to do this work.

And I want to thank my friend Irsa @its-irsaa-fyp . I have already discussed this problem with her. She was the only one who knew, but I hid everything from her after that because I didn't want her to be upset more than that. I wish this fandom was full of people like her. Sweet and kind hearted. Thank you for being my friend. I really love you sweetie <3.

I'm back both mentally and physically. I love Yui. I can't leave her. I love my friends. I can leave them. I love my home. DL is always my home and I can't leave it.

I don't know how many people are waiting for my novel and if anybody cares. Soon I will start continuing it. I love you :3

[yumeka-sxf]

Regarding scans and watermarks

Yesterday, a SxF clear file scan made by my friend @xxscarletxrosexx (who had allowed me to share the scan on my blog here) was reposted on Twitter with her watermark clearly removed. She wrote an insightful post about how, despite what many people think, it does take a good amount of work to obtain and scan rare collectibles like this. As someone who makes a lot of scans with watermarks, I want to offer my thoughts on the topic.

For those who have followed me since my blog started, you may have noticed that my watermarks have "evolved" over time. This was in response to, of course, my scans getting reposted without credit (my old watermarks were easy to crop/edit out). I know some people take issue with putting watermarks on official art because we technically didn't "create" it. But that doesn't mean time and effort wasn't put into making the scan. To me, it's similar to people who take photos of exclusive events or people who make gifs...while they didn't create the subjects of these things, they still created the presentation of it. For people who take and share exclusive photos, they spent time, effort, and money not just on going to that location and taking the photos, but posting them in a presentable way online for others to enjoy. For people who make gifs, it again takes a lot of time and effort to create, edit, and present the gifs in an attractive way on social media. In both these cases, while these people didn't draw, animate, design, etc, the subject of their photos or gifs, there was still self-imposed work and creative effort behind it, which I think deserves some recognition. It's the same with making scans...I didn't personally draw the images I scan (and I make this clear by including "scanned by..." in my watermarks) but I still made the presentation of it - the scan - which does take time and effort; I bought a Canon TS6300 scanner a while back particularly for this purpose, I often have to finagle with the books I scan to make sure they're properly flattened so the scans aren't blurry or crooked (have to redo them sometimes when this happens), and if little pieces of lint or other blemishes get in the scanner, I either have to scan them again or use photo editing software to fix them. And while I paid for all the books, posters, etc, I scan with my own money, sometimes just obtaining certain rare collectibles not only takes money, but a lot of dedication to obtain! The Twiyor chara fine graph I recently posted about is a perfect example of how much work can go into acquiring a rare item...and I have no obligation to scan the merch I get. I could just enjoy them on my own and only share quick, low-quality photos from my phone. But I like making scans because I know other people enjoy them 🙂 I also know that many people don't have the means or funds to get this kind of merch, so it's nice to let them have enjoyment from it second-hand through my scans! Sometimes I buy merch only or mostly for the purpose of making scans because I know that artwork isn't currently available in an official artbook or anywhere else.

Since I make so many scans, I just accept the fact that they will get reposted without any mention of me or my blog...which I don't mind that much since that's what the watermarks are for - they're to show people who see the scan where it came from, and if they choose to go to that site, they'll be able to find even more scans to enjoy! But if someone actually removes a watermark, it's like they so adamantly believe that the person who made the scan doesn't deserve any recognition for their time, effort, money, etc, put into it that they're going to spend their own time to remove any trace of that person from the scan...I mean, I can't say it's the most heinous act in the world, but it's disrespectful and just plain not nice. I try not to let it bother me, but it is hurtful to see someone else get recognition for something you put work into. But I just keep things in perspective and tell myself that at least I'm not an artist whose creations are getting posted all over the place without credit (I always cringe at all the uncredited fan art I see on Facebook groups and YouTube music compilations. It's so out of control 😔)

Anyway, I hope I've properly illustrated here that it does take a good amount of time and effort to make scans. I don't think I deserve as much recognition for it as an artist who actually draws the images they post, but I still think this kind of content sharing deserves some credit, even if it's just leaving a watermark intact.