#(as always this is not directed at the actors but the creative leads — i’m looking at you john napier)

[jellicle-chants]

just saw the new rumpleteazer makeup for the asia tour. nobody talk to me nobody come near me i need time to process—

[imakatperson22]

I’m back with more thoughts:

(It’s long but I put a lot of effort into it so please read!):

I’m seeing a lot of concern for buddie’s canon potential from a network/business standpoint. People are worried it will be too much of a gamble for the network to go all in on buddie. Let’s break that gamble down:

(This is considering the sole factor of network strategy and not whether the actors are willing to do it or if the writer’s choose to go down that road. For the sake of argument, let’s say everyone is on board except network execs.)

Let’s start by looking at the environment of the television industry. Back in ye olden days, at the dawn of modern fandom, queer ships were not ever expected to be canon. Those who shipped them had this understanding and shipping largely remained a thought experiment or creative inspiration. It was always JUST FOR FUN because there were no meaningful consequences to it. In this era, it probably would’ve been a bad bet to introduce a queer love story because we hadn’t reached a place in society where it was not only tolerated but rooted for by a meaningful amount of a show’s audience.

Today is an entirely different ball game. Today queer people have gained enough power in society and proven they will consume media involving queer romance enough to make it profitable to include these plots. Today, we as a community have enough allies who also have a desire to see our stories told. Coupled with internet fanfiction and social media platforms, we now have the opportunity to engage in a pseudo dialogue with those who produce content. Now, shipping and fandoms have reached a point where our voices and our opinions do actually have weight to them. Now, we have the opportunity to affect change to a piece of media. We have somewhat of a say. There are now consequences to our actions.

It’s a risk, yes, to get the two (until recently, presumably heterosexual) main macho male leads together because of homophobia. But this show already has a lesbian couple. The viewers who will leave if buddie gets together because “the writer’s turned them gay” are probably not the same fans who are tuning in every week without fail to watch their favorite characters. They’re more likely casual viewers. They come and go, drifting in and out because it’s something to put on in the background or because the rescues are interesting. So yes, it’s quite possible viewers abandon the show due to buddie canon, but these fans were likely not a solid, dependable group in the first place.

On the other hand, it IS also a gamble to NOT make Buddie canon. This is the (flag)ship (flagship ship?) of the show. Not every loyal viewer ships them, but probably most do, and they do so strongly. If they shut the door on Buddie becoming canon, this will absolutely alienate a hefty chunk of the shows viewers as well. If they don’t walk the line close enough on the “will they, won’t they”, these fans will get frustrated with the lack of payoff and leave. Gone are the days where fandoms stay satisfied if the show tosses them a crumb, a wink in their direction, for their ship because now the option for more is on the table. We know the network knows what we want. We know they see us asking for it. Ignoring it in and of itself is a decision. Competition is stiff and if you decide not to capitalize on fans’ desire for queer romance, they have other options. If they choose to not make buddie canon, many of these viewers will also abandon the show. The difference is this group is the one who’s coming back every week for their love of the characters. This group is the one generating the hype on social media and flooding the internet with fan edits. This group also attracts viewers.

So. Here we are. Two decisions. Both will cost fans. How many fans? Who knows. But only one will also attract them. And that’s the thing. Keeping the status quo isn’t going to generate hype around the show. Only one decision will bring new viewers in. How many people have we seen online say “I’ve never watched this show before, but now that I’ve heard about it, I’m curious.” How many of you reading this came to this show for that reason? We’ve already seen this happen with the bisexual Buck storyline. The ratings for that episode are the highest in the season. The internet is abuzz about it.

Another unique position the show finds itself in is that all the groundwork for a Buddie storyline has already been laid. They could easily avoid falling into the trap of shameless bad fan service because the ball is already tee’d up. They just need to knock it out of the park.

I firmly believe that making buddie canon, if the story is told with skill and care, is the right bet. I believe that not making buddie canon is a greater risk to the show’s revenue. From a business standpoint, buddie canon is the better choice. Whether or not the network execs choose to do so remains to be seen, but I have hope.

If you’re still here, thank you for reading. Here’s a cookie as your reward 🍪.

[papabigtoes]

The bassist scoffed, lifting his shades, licking his lips post-puff.

“ My name is Murder. Did you not know?”

OP I cheered. Great chapters as always, keep up the amazing work

I’m so zazzed to read it caused a reaction like that anon! I built the chapter around my first sketching of Murder for the update;

After looking at it for a bit to decide what to write with it I went “HOH he can say THE LINE FROM THE SONG‼️‼️‼️”

So then the plan three months ago after drawing it was how the hell to link the story to lead it to that

Since my education was in a bfa acting program in uni and not writing (i took required playwrighting, but the professor was weird. He told my friend he writes like a Dali painting, then said “I hate Dali. You can’t eat lunch with a guy like Dali. He talks too creatively.” huh???) I write following the character building from Uta Hagen’s questions in terms of an actor getting into the mindset of said character, but instead I direct it to document form instead of a stage. Basing the MF stuff off the stakes of My Name is Murder was a VERY FUN RIDE, so to see it was a cheer instead of a jeer from corniness makes me damn happy!

Have a lovely Spring anon, very glad you liked the update!

[ojcobsessed]

Helming Jamie Childs' new crime-thriller, the actor talks tuning into a character, writing out their history and embracing the spontaneity of his own.

BY SOPHIE WANG

In early January 2022, as the rest of us added layer upon layer, watching the temperatures drop to zero, Oliver Jackson-Cohen travelled north of his London home and jumped bravely into the North Sea. “I’m really proud of the whole movie, but I’m quite proud that we all made it out alive, really,” he tells me nine months later, home safe with rays of morning sun separating us from the realities of his time filming, Jackdaw.

The debut feature from TV writer and director Jamie Childs (The Sandman, His Dark Materials), Jackdaw tells the story of Jackson-Cohen’s Jack Dawson, a former motocross champion and army veteran who, in an effort to support his younger brother, agrees to pick up a mysterious package in the North Sea, only to find himself tricked and his brother kidnapped. Subsequently, Jackdaw — as he’s better known — embarks on a one-night, breakneck journey through Northern England’s rust belt on his bike, reconnecting with his past as the subtleties in his complex backstory and familial history slowly unravel against a backdrop of nail-biting action.

The nuanced portrayal of such a character could possibly only be achieved by Jackson-Cohen, who seamlessly masters the art of tuning into his character’s psyche. Since a childhood trip to see Home Alone in the cinema, the 36-year-old has been fascinated by the possibility of disappearing into someone else’s world and delving into their stories. Subsequently booking his first job at 15 years old, the London native has spent the past decade and a half immersed in alternate worlds, from the horrors of 2018’s The Haunting of Hill House and 2020’s The Invisible Man to the post-WWII reality of Man in an Orange Shirt and the 19th-century Yorkshire of last year’s Emma Mackie-led, Emily. He mentions twice in our chat that at this point in his journey, he feels “like 150 years old”, and it’s hard to be surprised. Between time-travelling, fronting countless stories and embodying dozens of different people, he’s lived many lives.   “I always think it's quite funny that this passion was born as a kid and here I am as an adult doing it,” he laughs. “I do sometimes think: ‘Is that the smartest fucking thing?’ Because when you're a kid, you have all of these ideas and they're not the smartest ones.”

Though some of his childhood plays (written and directed by him and his friends) may have had “zero plot”, as Jackson-Cohen tells me, and it took him a bit of time in his early twenties to figure out the projects that would resonate with him, it is safe to say that his childhood dream was definitely not a bad idea. “I think with any passion that stems from childhood, the drive is so insane. I think with anything creative, you have to have this insane determination, regardless of where it stems from. It's just this weird drive forward that you kind of can't stop.” He pauses. “I feel like I've had many iterations of a career. I look back at the stuff I was doing in my early twenties and it was very much what I was told to be doing. I think it takes time to make mistakes and learn from those to actually find out what it is that resonates with you. Ultimately, I think it probably has something to do with exploring something that I'm not looking at in myself and being able to unlock that, to explore that with a character.”

Hearing this, it is easy to see why the Jackdaw lead would be a perfect fit for the role. However, he didn’t originally believe the part should be his. “I'd met Jamie Childs on a job I was on before and we got to know each other genuinely,” he explains. “He started to talk to me about this idea, this script that he was writing and when he was finished, he called me up and asked if I’d read it. Then he went, ‘Will you play Jackdaw?’ And I immediately said, ‘Jamie, I don't think I'm the right person for that. Do you know who you should hire? You should hire this person.’ And he was like, ‘No.’ And I was like, ‘No, do you know what? You should hire this person...’ And I kept throwing ideas at him.” Eventually, perhaps after exhausting every other option for Childs, the actor agreed and dove headfirst into the lead, making it implausible that his alternative suggestion could have embodied it so definitively.

“I feel like all of us jumped in because of our belief in Jamie,” he says. “And I think to have your protagonist be someone that is flawed and vulnerable and not your [stereotypical] sort of action hero was such a clever move on his end. It just felt like nothing I'd ever been a part of before. And there was something in that script about someone feeling like there isn't a place where they belong and being thrown into a position of having to care for someone and the tragedy that's gone on with their mum… all of that became a really interesting thing to play around with.”

Building out a character’s story is one of the most exciting parts of the job for Jackson-Cohen. With Jackdaw, this meant lots of meetings and discussions with Childs and co-star Jenna Coleman, who plays his love interest, Bo. “We sat down and hashed out when they were together and how long they were together and what happened and when the last time they saw each other was,” he says. “I think what’s so clever with Jamie is that he doesn't really over-explain, but he drops these pebbles as you go. And I think they're quite effective. It’s like, you know Jack's been away in the army. You don't really know why, but whatever it was, it wasn't good. So it was trying to figure out, 'okay, what was it?' And I don't think you necessarily see it on screen, but for me, my favourite part of it is trying to write out a life for them.”

For Jackson-Cohen, with any story he portrays, getting into character isn’t necessarily about becoming someone else. Rather, it’s about tapping into what’s already within him. “It’s like when you're in a music studio,” he says. “You've got all those dials and it's about turning something up that exists within you that you don't necessarily tap into and turning certain other things down. It's all coming from you.”

“In real life, I rarely get emotional, and I think it's because I have this outlet,” he continues. “There's this space where you can go and it's safe to experience and feel all of this stuff. It’s this weird, playful safety bubble that you get to go off to and play around where, ultimately, it’s real in the moment, but it's not real in your life.”

However, sometimes his body doesn’t register the difference between his own experiences and those of his character. “I played a character in the past who was a heroin addict and that was really hard [to get out of] because you are left with this inherent heaviness of all the stuff that you've created and felt in your head,” he explains. “Or earlier this year, I did a film set around the beginning of the Holocaust. And so you’d come home at the end of the day and you’d know it's not real, but your body can't really tell the difference. So you get these weird sort of hangovers if it's incredibly heavy and emotional. You know it's not real, but your body's playing catch up.”

“The older I get, the more embarrassed I get to say that this is my job because it's such a fucking stupid job. But also, I absolutely love it.” He laughs. “I feel so unbelievably grateful that I get to do this as a job. I always eye-roll when actors say things like, ‘Oh, it's such a privilege,’ but I do feel incredibly grateful because I get to go off and explore these parts of humanity that I would never otherwise.”

While he might endeavour to plot out the history of his characters, Jackson-Cohen’s very much letting his own future write itself. “Part of the exciting thing about being an actor is that you don't really know what's going to come in or what you're going to read that's going to excite you. I want to be surprised. I'd love to work here, in small filmmaking, with first-time directors, telling stories that people may love or hate, anything that's trying to say something a little different.” He pauses. “But until I read it, I won't know.”

Jackdaw is out in UK cinemas now and Wilderness is available to watch on Prime Video!

[ncisfranchise-source]

Despite joining NCIS as FBI Special Agent Alden Parker nearly three years ago, Gary Cole admitted he’s still getting his bearings.

Cole, 67, took over the lead role on the long-running drama from Mark Harmon during season 19 in September 2021, but the veteran actor acknowledged he’s having trouble with direction — literally.

“I’m constantly lost still,” Cole exclusively told Us Weekly at the CBS Fall Schedule Celebration Thursday, May 2, on the Paramount Studios lot in Los Angeles.

Cole joked, “There’s people that have been there 20 years that make a wrong turn and we’re looking for them.”

As Cole further explained, he can sometimes still have questions about the story lines on the show, which ran for nearly two decades before he came on board.

“I’m always asking, ‘What happened here?’” Cole said. “I mean, old episodes always come up. Not necessarily for research, but just to use it to see what happened when we were out here. You get a sense of what the stories were and what was up.”

When Cole effectively replaced Harmon as the lead on NCIS, he credited the writers with making his job “pretty easy.”

“I thought the writers really solved a lot of issues,” he said, “because they didn’t make it into a situation where you hear a knock on the door and it was like ‘Hi, I’m the new guy.’”

Cole and Harmon, 72, appeared in three episodes together before Harmon officially left the show during the fourth episode of season 19. In total, Harmon appeared on over 435 episodes of NCIS during his 18-year run.

To get him acclimated, Cole also credited the show’s ensemble cast with creating an invigorating creative environment.

“I enjoy when there’s a lot of us in a scene,” Cole said. “We’ve become pretty good at doing a scene with five or six people. Everybody knows their choreography. It’s really like a dance. That’s been fun to develop with this group.”

The sentiment was echoed by costar Katrina Law, who plays Jessica Knight on NCIS. Law gushed to Us Weekly, “I think Gary Cole is one of the best humans and best actors on this planet.”

As for the show’s upcoming season 21 finale, Cole acknowledged he couldn’t say much, but promised “a little cliffhanger.”

Cole said, “Hopefully that’s where we delivered.”

[vadertyrannus]

Watts won’t be doing any superhero movies he pulled out of fantastic four for that reason he said no way home was his last one I don’t think they will bring him back if he said he’s done. Plus wouldn’t make sense to bring back Jacob or Z after the last movie in the 4th would beat the purpose of the way it ended they’d have to make an appearance in the ending credit scene to lead to number 5 if that’s the direction Sony goes it. Right now they are going in the sinister six comics and that brings Spider-Man’s other love interests

You’re wrong on multiple different levels. Zendaya is most certainly gonna be in Spider-Man 4 (if the movie happens), and Jon Watts and Jacob Batalon are likely returning too.

Jon Watts did not leave Spider-Man 4. He also did not say No Way Home was his last movie. This is what he said after leaving Fantastic Four:

"Making three Spider-Man films was an incredible and life-changing experience for me. I’m eternally grateful to have been a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe for seven years. I’m hopeful we’ll work together again and I can’t wait to see the amazing vision for Fantastic Four brought to life.”

The studio also still expects him to return:

Sony and its Spider-Man producers have made it clear they expect to reunite Watts with Holland and Zendaya to continue the series. Watts hasn’t officially dropped out of that franchise, but if it were to happen, it does sound like it would be down the road.

Here’s one of two things that confirms that the studio plans on bringing Jon Watts, Zendaya, and Jacob Batalon back. This was reinforced in another interview directly with Tom Rothman, head of Sony, less then a month later.

ROTHMAN: We hope to get working on the next Spider-Man movie.

DEADLINE: With Jon Watts, Tom Holland and Zendaya returning?

ROTHMAN: That whole group, we hope.

The studio has already decided that they want both actors back, they’ve made up their mind creatively, so at this point really all it depends on is them signing on. And Tom Holland and Zendaya are likely gonna sign back on (as I will elaborate further on below). I mean, all three actors obviously want a break from Spider-Man, but they’re likely coming back. Spider-Man 4 isn’t gonna happen until down the line anyway.

Sony has said twice that the entire group is gonna return. MJ and Ned were never gonna be gone. You just misunderstood the purpose of the ending.

Zendaya's MJ and Jacob Batalon's Ned returning does not beat the purpose of the end of No Way Home. MJ and Ned were always gonna come back. They’re very important characters in the MCU Spider-Man movies. MJ especially. Michelle Jones is MCU Peter Parker’s main love interest. MJ remembering Peter is literally foreshadowed in the movie and this is corroborated by the script.

The movie makes sure to hold on MJ having a look of recognition on her face and the script puts in the effort to emphasize this. If this was their final scene together and her final appearance, this scene would have much more finality to it. The scene wouldn’t end holding on a shot of MJ, but rather with Peter leaving. Watts wouldn’t tell Zendaya to have MJ look as if she recognizes him and this moment wouldn’t exist in the script. This is basic cinematic language. 

The final shot of a scene is very important, it’s the one the director wants you to remember the most. In MJ’s final scene in Homecoming, they foreshadow the romance plot in Far From Home, blatantly showing MJ staring at Peter, reinforcing that she has a huge crush on him. These two shots are very similar in nature.

The fact that they intentionally make an effort to foreshadow MJ remembering Peter shows that MJ will eventually remember Peter and they will eventually get back together. This was obviously never meant to be the final departure for the character if you interpret the scenes the way the director and writers intended for you to. The scene doesn’t have enough finality to it, there’s too many loose ends, and too many hints purposely put there by the filmmakers. And that’s by design. They want you to pick up on these things.

There are also other hints in that scene that this is not the end of their story:

MJ still has the black dahlia necklace Peter gave her in Far From Home. 

The way MJ looks at and acts around Peter in the scene. She has that same glimmer in her eyes that she always has when she looks at Peter. The way she smiles, brushes her hair, is somewhat nervous around him while at the same time open with him alludes to MJ naturally being comfortable with him and maybe even having a crush on him.

MJ has a deja-vu moment when Peter finishes her sentence about expecting disappointment.

Michelle Jones is literally Peter’s true love. This is shown throughout Far From Home and No Way Home. They’re perfectly compatible with one-another, have unparalleled chemistry, make each other so happy, love each other to no bounds, and support each other every step of the way. I mean, MJ literally brings a mace to help Peter fight against drones in Far From Home and refuses to leave his side in No Way Home. It’s pretty blatant.

These particular things reinforce that MJ’s coming back:

The scene in which MJ comforts Peter, telling him they’re gonna make it through together. Upon seeing this, Andrew’s Peter reflects on whether he’ll ever find love again, after which Tobey responds that he and his Mary Jane worked out. This clearly subtextually frames MCU Peter Parker and Michelle Jones as endgame, while at the same time telling us that Andrew’s Peter will eventually meet his Mary Jane Watson (which was the plan, if TASM 3 was made).

“If you don’t, I’ll just figure it out. I did it before, I’ll do it again.” This is clearly alluding to MJ finding out his identity again, reinforced by the final shot. If their love story was actually over, this also wouldn’t have been left open.

MJ makes Peter wait to tell her that he loves her until after they see each other again. This has yet to happen, leaving this thread open. Open threads are the opposite of a concluded story.

The framing of their kiss very much conveys the imagery of two true lovers, with the way their bodies form a sort of heart shape and the way it’s contrasted by a sunset in the background.

Of course she’s coming back. She’s the Mary Jane Watson of this universe Her name is literally MJ Watson. Michelle Jones-Watson, but MJ Watson nonetheless).

Tom Holland and Zendaya’s chemistry is unparalleled. They’re literally together and in love in real life. They’re not gonna replace her as the main love interest.

Peter’s likely gonna have an arc in the 4th movie where he learns to open up to having relationships again, realize he can’t be alone and that he’s allowed to have a personal life too. He’s gonna realize that not telling them the truth was a mistake. Because Peter has to grow, in the movie. He can’t just be the same at the end of the movie that he is at the beginning.

There’s a ton of other proof that comes from interviews with the actors. In an interview in February 2021, Tom Holland stated that something he’d need to sign a new contract is: 

“We’d need to keep the same core team. The director, Jon Watts, is as much Spider-Man as I am. Zendaya, Jacob Batalon.”

Tom states himself: Jon Watts, Zendaya, and Jacob Batalon are as much of a part of the MCU Spider-Man films as himself.

A month later, he also stated:

“We were all treating No Way Home as the end of a franchise, let's say. I think if we were lucky enough to dive into these characters again, you'd be seeing a very different version. It would no longer be the Homecoming trilogy. We would give it some time and try to build something different and tonally change the films. Whether that happens or not, I don't know. But we were definitely treating No Way Home like it was coming to an end, and it felt like it."

I think it’s important that he mentions these characters. As in, plural. Not just him, but also the other MCU Spider-Man characters, meaning MJ and Ned. While he did say that No Way Home is meant to have a finality to it, that’s it’s meant to end the trilogy, he doesn’t say that the two supporting actors would be gone, he states the contrary.

These statements from Holland are pretty consistently pointing to the same narrative, that all three actors would return if they continued the series. 

This is also reinforced by this statement by Zendaya during the press tour. 

ZENDAYA: “Well, we have no idea what the future of us or this Spider-Man franchise is or will be. I think both of us are very grateful for what it has been. And, if there’s a world where we continue and grow with the characters, that would be beautiful. If it’s a world where someone takes over, I think we’d be grateful and excited for whoever that iteration becomes. I think the possibilities are endless and we’re kind of okay with that. I feel like. I don’t know I don’t mean to speak for you but-”

TOM: “Yeah you said that perfectly.”

They’re talking as a pair, as if returning would mean both of them. I also think the body language and facial expressions of the two as she talks as well as her tone of voice reveals a lot about their feelings on the matter. You can hear Zendaya’s voice and eyes kinda brighten up when she talks about returning, Tom looks directly at her as she’s talking about returning whereas most of the time he’s looking down at the ground, and Zendaya also directly looks at Tom after saying that continuing the series and both of their characters would be beautiful. If she’s looking at her boyfriend, the person she loves most in the world, directly in the eyes as she’s saying something then it’s probably true, that’s just kinda basic psychology.

Another pretty telling quote also comes from Zendaya. After making the Time100 list for 2022, Zendaya in her interview stated about No Way Home:

“The perfect way to, maybe I don’t know end our trilogy, there’s people that are more in charge then I am so I don’t know what the future holds so I’m just saying.”

The way she says this is as if returning is something that she would be up for doing and that it’s ultimately up to the people making it. The fact that she says “our” is also another one of the thousands of instances where someone involved implies or says that if they were gonna continue the series all three of the main actors would return. She does say “our trilogy” but I think she misspoke here, because whether they make a 4th movie or not it’d still be the end of the trilogy. She wouldn’t be talking with uncertainty if she actually meant trilogy. Since she immediately started talking about how they might continue I think she likely meant to say series, and I think the fact that she says it’s “ours”, as in her and Tom and Jacob’s, is pretty telling. It’s not just Tom’s series, it’s hers too.

Therefore, Zendaya likely wants to return as much as Tom Holland does. I mean, she did say in another interview that she wanted the movie to end with Peter and MJ to go to college together, so of course she’d want to wrap up the story. And Sony has already made up their mind creatively: they want Zendaya back.

All of these things in the film, in the script, and with all of these statements by both the actors and the producers reveals that the plan is to bring Zendaya as MJ and Jacob Batalon as Ned. The fact that they said the same thing before, during, and after the release of the film is basically proof that it was never the plan to erase the two supporting characters.

I don't know where you're getting the idea that they’re doing the Sinister Six. They kinda did a "Sinister Five" of sorts in No Way Home. Feige has said they’re not gonna do another Doctor Octopus and Green Goblin because he doesn’t think anybody could outdo Alfred Molina and Willem Dafoe respectively, which is why they did the crossover. We can safely assume they’re not gonna do an MCU Electro, Sandman, or Lizard either. And they already did Mysterio. These are literally all the essential Sinister Six members. Sinister Six isn’t gonna happen.

And once again, there’s nothing that’s been confirmed about Spider-Man getting a new love interest. That’s just fan speculation. They might do another love interest but MJ is Peter’s main and will return.

In conclusion, MJ’s coming back and I can’t fucking wait. Spideychelle for the win!

[niobefurens]

Actual People.

The Abyss: Seeking Permission Through Onscreen Humiliation

For femme triple threats—actors/writers/directors—the subject of humiliation, embarrassment, and debasement is both limiting and empowering.

Long, Interesting.

•

09 NOV 2023

Actual People (Kit Zauhar, 2021).

—Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

Humiliation is one of humanity’s cruelest jokes, one of its most repugnant punishments. The Latin root of the word, “humus,” translates to “earth,” or “dirt,” the idea that a person loses dignity and returns to something inhuman, crude and trampled on. The fear of being humiliated is a specter persuasive enough to shrink whole personalities, curtail ambitions, end life as someone knew it. Many mainstream filmmakers avoid its narrative possibilities because, maybe, to degrade a character would mean to degrade the film itself. I don’t think that’s the case. To see humiliation depicted onscreen can be like witnessing a corpse flower blooming: compelling, strange, beautiful; yet you’re very glad you’re not in the room during its unfurling.

I’ve always been drawn to films that allow the power of humiliation to overcome a character; my filmmaking in both ambition and practice have been shaped by my yen to explore this unspoken taboo. And I’ve discovered several role models in quest who shared my goals, my ethos, even my gender. When I looked at the debuts of the femme filmmakers I admired, I found that many of them wrote, directed, and starred in the projects that helped launch their careers. So I did it as well. And I did find some validation with my first feature Actual People (2021), in which I play a “faildaughter,” a young and often middle-to-upper-middle-class femme protagonist who is a bit of a virtuoso when it comes to self-humiliation. When confronted with challenges (ones that are notably padded by a level of financial security), the faildaughter will zig when she should zag, have weird and sad sex when she should abstain, and quit like a coward when it’s not even that taxing to persevere (the most popular example is probably Phoebe Waller-Bridge's eponymous Fleabag, whose adventures in incompetence were not only compelling, but relatable).

At the beginning of a filmmaker’s career, there are fewer eyes on their projects and therefore little to no expectations, bringing about the chaotic combination of more creative freedom with few people who want to be involved. This leads to some artists, either brazenly or defiantly, jumping into the role of the “triple threat,” meaning that they write, direct, and star in their own film (I’m co-opting this phrase from theater, in which the term refers to a performer who can act, dance, and sing).

A New Leaf (Elaine May, 1971).

On the other much longer end of the spectrum, there were the male triple threats who came in the form of charismatic cowboy legends (Clint Eastwood), neurotic intellectuals (Woody Allen, Nanni Moretti), mumblecorers like Joe Swanberg and Andrew Bujalski, and legends like Orson Welles and Charlie Chaplin. The range of the masculine triple threat seems endless; they’ve been heroes, lady wooers, assholes, good-intentioned guys, lovable normies, leeches, losers, sometimes all within one movie. And they continue to be. 

This is not true for many, most, of the contemporary woman writer/director/actors. Each of their worlds and their bodies in their worlds tell a more unified story: more often than not, a story of embarrassment, social faux pas, ungraceful but earnest attempts to assert their importance in a world that seems to not want anything to do with them. Particularly, the films that begin a femme triple threat’s oeuvre feel like they were born out of a singular primordial organism, squirming, writhing, already mortified at the prospect of being alive on this earth.

In A New Leaf (1971), pioneer Elaine May’s first film that she writes, directs, and stars in, she plays a bumbling cash cow, easy prey for a narcissistic and soon-to-be-broke buffoon. Issa Rae was first the “Awkward Black Girl,” constantly and gracelessly in distress. In Me and You and Everyone We Know (2005), Miranda July’s unnerving portrayal of an aspiring video artist bares her tenderness like an open wound for the world to prod at. Of course, there’s Lena Dunham, first getting fucked in a construction tube in Tiny Furniture (2010) by a guy who is somehow insidiously nonchalant, then in Girls (2012-2017) wading in the tepid bathwater of shame, lingering in it till she shivered with cold. 

Watermelon Woman (Cheryl Dunye, 1997).

In many of these films, there’s a self-reflexive, almost meta quality to the narratives. The protagonists are seen lurching through life in search of meaning and acceptance, simulating, we assume, similar struggles to those of the real-life filmmaker. At the same time, the artists seem to view the act of filmmaking itself as a means of self-searching and self-definition, a process of translating their lived experiences into something with technical and emotional resonance. Desiree Akhavan’s Appropriate Behavior (2014) explores a desperate and delusional Brooklynite going to great lengths to win her ex back, playing a woman so embarrassing even her family winces at her antics. Cheryl Dunye’s Watermelon Woman (1997) shows a young, aspiring filmmaker invalidated by the faux liberalism of racist academia, navigating a dead-end job, and enduring the cringe-inducing scrutiny of her interracial relationship. Joanna Arnow’s work, including her short film Bad at Dancing (2015),and her recent fiction feature debut The Feeling That the Time for Doing Something Has Passed (2023), put her deadpan persona front and center of all manners of sexual, social, and even familial debasement in the name of trying to understand where and how she fits into the various communities and relationships she sees as making the mundanity of her life worthwhile. A review in IndieWire by Ryan Lattanzio characteristically cites her “willingness to degrade herself on camera.” 

This all seems counterintuitive if you want to establish yourself as an auteur worth investing in. This promise of a big future has unfortunately become the primary marker of a successful debut: not necessarily what has been accomplished but how quickly your larger and more expensive follow-up is announced. If that’s the case, why would a femme triple threat not position themselves as some kind of glamorous maneater, a very “strong and powerful” lady, or at least some pensive ingenue who the camera always seems to catch in the most soft and flattering lighting? We know that actors are not their characters, but the boundaries of identity become blurrier when the actor is writing the part for herself (and oftentimes there is a level of auto-fictitiousness to the plot). And unfortunately, I don’t think the world is ready for a woman triple threat who makes films about how amazing her onscreen personas are. I think, actually, that woman would receive a record-breaking number of death threats. But women still need to make movies, and they still need to be seen. 

When I considered the emotional scaffolding of my character in Actual People, I knew that the foundation would be forged from embarrassment, exploring a character who was flailing and failing, self-absorbed while lacking self-awareness, wanting so openly and grotesquely that her desire felt like an infection other people didn’t want to catch. This was, perhaps paradoxically, the easiest way for me to get what I wanted for my career: a premiere, an audience, streaming, the next project. It had to be through the tactics of self-degradation. 

The Feeling That the Time for Doing Something Has Passed (Joanna Arnow, 2023).

I often received the question of why did I want to act in my own project, especially as an overstretched, struggling indie filmmaker on a dismal (or, in industry parlance, “micro”) budget? I have a lot of answers I give, about liking to act and the justification of my theater background, the scarcity of roles for racially ambiguous actors, et cetera. But if I’m considering the conception of femme triple threats as a whole, I wonder if my multi-part participation is a declaration of an artist’s complete and total competence. Not only can this woman write and direct, the triple-threat suggests, but she can carry a film with her presence. 

This notion of self-sufficiency is crucial. If you are making your first film without the privilege of being a nepo baby or a pre-established industry darling via connections, previous jobs, or dating the right person at the right time, you are casting “no-name” actors (a phrase I believe should be banished from the casting glossary, but I know I have no sway). Without access to more established performers who oftentimes don’t want to take a chance on a first-time filmmaker, casting prospects can become quite bleak. The alternative to hiring known actors is a widespread process like an online casting call, which could attract upwards of hundreds of eager actors, most of whom are far from qualified for the available role. So, the filmmaker decides she’ll just do it herself. And the femme triple threat is born.

There is also some comfort in knowing that if the film is poorly received, as so many independent endeavors threaten to be at some stage of production, you’re not putting another young woman’s image in jeopardy. Onscreen nudity was and continues to be a serious consideration with my films. I thought, If I’m not willing to get naked for my own story, why should another actress? Especially for a young woman who is “unknown” as a performer, nudity in an indie film can feel exploitative, risqué for the sake of it, a film school formula to show some level of seriousness for the project (for example: black-and-white, grainy film + naked waifish woman = something French-looking and therefore “art”). But this sense of an auteur bearing all for her own project, emotionally or physically or both, has the impression of a riskier gamble. She’s putting herself, her dignity, on the line. At least if the gamble doesn’t pay off, she only has herself to pick back up.

Tiny Furniture (Lena Dunham, 2010).

In a New Yorker article about two seminal pieces of vulnerable and all-bearing woman-made works, Girls and Sheila Heti’s How Should a Person Be? (2010), Anna Holmes writes, “The passions provoked by the show—among both critics and admirers—suggest something both refreshing and a little startling: that a pop-culture product that focuses mostly on women and intimate, sometimes gruesome details of their lives, is still considered a provocation.”

The provocation comes from a general audience being shocked that they are meant to take the minutiae of a woman's worldview seriously because of the attention and seriousness the material is shown by the artist herself. Let’s say that a film or show chronicles female friendship on a microscopic level, we see how these characters interact, we become privy to their inside jokes, we understand their past even if we did not participate in it. Many mainstream films use female friendships as easy plot devices. Femme friends are side characters good for a few quips, blatant foils to the protagonist, or sexy foreshadowing to preempt the betrayal of a stolen fiancé. But that doesn’t have to be the case. If a filmmaker takes the time to make an audience understand the intricacies of a friendship, that this bond is as powerful and complex as romantic love, then whether that friendship survives or how this intimacy changes becomes crucial to the plot, energy, and point of the story. The artist is saying that the character's friendship, however trivial one could disregard it as, is not only important, but necessary, to making the film go forward. It’s being taken seriously, and therefore there are aesthetic, tonal, and technical considerations to be made. Maybe in the real world this “storyline” wouldn’t even be given the dignity of narrative, but on screen the minutiae of so many women’s lives (people’s lives!) gets its moment of glory.

There’s the argument that in a sexist landscape people don’t necessarily want women to succeed, so it’s easier for a woman to make work that debases herself before someone else can on their own terms. There is perhaps some truth to that, but there’s a big difference between self-flagellation that elicits pity and vulnerability in the name of self-empowerment. These films, which I believe succeed most magnificently when they make me cringe, squirm, die a little inside, and rebirth me into a more receptive and courageous thinker, are definitely not interested in pity. They demand to be on an equal playing field of empathy. The vision feels more sacred, like modern martyrdom. To put yourself so vulnerably on screen, and to do so knowing there is a high possibility of condemnation, is a sacrifice, but at least it’s one that the artist is in control of. Unfortunately, unfairly, maybe being a woman means having a body always on the precipice of some kind of sacrifice, and you can either accept it or let someone else take control of the ritual. The lore of legendary filmmaking is rife with horror stories of women who allowed a male director to take control of their body and psyche. They gave themselves up for a vision that was deemed greater than their individual suffering, but the films don’t necessarily honor this unnecessary loss. If a film actually necessitates a sacrifice from a woman, shouldn’t she make it for the sake of her own vision and ideals?

Appropriate Behavior (Desiree Akhavan, 2014).

To sacrifice something means that the thing given up has power and value. To degrade someone means that that person also holds in them the potential to be venerated. You don’t knock someone down unless there is the threat that they can destroy you. When humiliation is given the spotlight, it is deemed something worth filming and showing the world; even the smallest acts surpass trivialization—there is this uncompromising humanness that must be recognized, like someone has just been stripped bare in front of you and you mourn in real time that you have no covering to offer them. After all, can’t “humus,” earth, dirt, imply a person has been brought down to the most fundamental forms of existence? The film’s stakes, however small, become charged, brutal, meaningful, and you’re a part of them. You understand them. Perhaps without the audience ever fully realizing it, the woman on screen who they thought was so pathetic and unruly has gained full control of the viewer's attention and empathy. And maybe even respect.

In 2022 Elaine May, already long considered a legend, received an honorary Oscar. Akhavan went on to win Sundance. Issa Rae recently won the Trailblazers Peabody Award. There are countless other successes from these artists that once bared all and asked for nothing but someone to watch them in return. They are more than respected, they’re revered, lauded, canon. They let their onscreen personas have the most awkward sex, cry over bad decisions, suffer, fail at the easiest things, get taken advantage of, have their hearts broken by the wrong people, and a thousand more humiliations. And we took them seriously too.

At the same time, May hadn’t been able to make a movie since 1987 because she was continuously stifled by the patriarchal bureaucracy of the studio system. The gender disparity in Hollywood is still abysmal. Among the dozens of successful women auteurs I admire, some of whom I have the privilege of knowing personally, I know the struggle for funding, validity, and respect can be as difficult as when they first started out. As I attempt to get my third film off the ground, the prospect of acting in my own project feels not only like a financial hindrance, but potentially spiritually draining; I wonder if there would be anything left of me once I call the final “cut.” After all, sacrificing yourself over and over again is fucking exhausting.

Kit Zauhar

[rottenbrainstuff]

Conreya I can’t seem to tag you but what a neat question:

if you could do a remake of any of the movies before 1940, what would it be and why and who would you cast?

(Hoping you have a better time soon.)

This is a head scratcher! The problem is, my most favourite old movies would not necessarily make a good modern adaptation. For instance, I love Sunrise, but the plot is about a man who attempts to murder his wife then ends up heart-felt making up with her. It works in its way in a heavily stylized silent movie story, but it’s difficult for me to imagine this being adapted into a modern movie for a modern audience without changing the plot to the point that it’s not recognizable anymore.

Or for another example: My absolute favourite pre-40s movie is Metropolis but honestly that’s been referenced and referenced in so many things so many times, and it CREATED some of the vocabulary for modern sci fi movies, it STARTED some of the tropes, it’s difficult for me to imagine an adaptation that could be as groundbreaking. It would be a shame to adapt Metropolis into a standard boring sci fi thing, you’d need to do some serious fandangling, and my brain is just not creative enough to imagine what that would look like just at this moment.

I think I will ultimately go with Cabinet of Dr Caligari. Unlike some other old movies, I think this one leaves enough open to be adapted and updated while still keeping the story intact. Imagine Guillermo Del Toro adapting a remake of this? I think he could make an adaption that updated the very specific time period look of the film, and still be visually striking in its own right.

For Francis I can’t stop thinking of a young Jude Law. Who is the contemporary equivalent? I dunno. I’m not as up to date with young male leads. Francis should be down to earth but also compelling and able to put in that little “maybe this guy is just totally crazy” edge. If I can’t cast circa-2000 Jude Law, maybe throw Oscar Isaac in it, he’s in everything right now and he always does a damned good job.

For Jane I mean you can cast whoever you want. Jane really only exists in the original story as a damsel to get into distress. There’s lots of freedom here to make whatever character you want. Let’s put in Anya Taylor-Joy, I feel like that’s an updated Jane I’d want to see. Margot Robbie channeling some feral energy would also be interesting?

For the Dr… my immediate first choice was Anthony Hopkins, but you know what, let’s see what Ian McKellan can do. Let’s tell him to channel Dr Pretorius from the second Frankenstein and make a more elegant Dr Caligari. Just imagine him at the end as he’s revealed to be running the asylum, with his hair all neatly combed back, quiet and charming and polite but with something possibly very very wrong just under the surface that makes you question exactly what is happening here.

Then Cesare. So part of the thing that makes silent movies interesting to watch even now is that the actors all have this very interesting physicality that we don’t really do anymore, because we generally want more realistic performances. This isn’t necessarily bad, it’s just different, but I feel like this role needs someone who’s able to tap into that physicality. My choice is Doug Jones, and if Del Toro was directing it he’d ask him to do it anyways.

There! My dream remake.

What a neat question.

[maroonghoul]

Terror Time 2022: Days 10-17

Hi everyone! Here’s an update of all the horror movies since I last talked.

Also, I should’ve attached a warning about Brotherhood of the Wolf; There’s a scene of sexual assault in it. If that makes you uncomfortable or you find it triggering, you might want to give that one a skip. Going forward, if films I watched had anything like that, I’ll remember to attach a warning. 

One Cut of the Dead (2017): I knew going in this was an unconventional horror-comedy zombie movie, and that’s what I got. I knew the basic setup going in and avoid spoiling myself on anything else, which was wise in hindsight. I’ll say if you go in knowing only the basic premise, the first 35 minutes is more or less that, then it goes in a completely different direction. Like, “more meta then Scream” different. I won’t spoil anything else, other the first 35 minutes I mentioned earlier is the film at it’s scariest, with the rest leaning towards comedy, so if you want a more intense zombie movie, you might be disappointed. But it pulls it off, and it actually ends up being a fun time.

A Chinese Ghost Story (1987): Like Brotherhood of the Wolf, this isn’t a horror film, so much as a period piece action film with horror elements, though this time made in China. Fans of kung-fu movies would like creative fight scenes, but those looking for all things spooky will like the nighttime atmosphere, zombies, and a good old fashioned ghost/love story.

Side note: I got a kick out of how ACAB this movie was. Sure, it was played for comedic effect, but it was another case where the police aren’t expected to help.

The Ranger(2018): Now for something less pleasant. It works fine enough, I guess, if you can accept it detached from reality. But I’m getting kind of sick of the “evil destructive punk” stereotype. I know most slasher films have it so most of the would be body count is unlikable. But there’s a reason why in a lot of the more popular backwoods slasher films, those kind of characters are depicted as more privileged prep types. The idea of the slasher being a park ranger being driven mad is a nice idea, though I would’ve liked him being portrayed more uptight and over-the-top. It’d make him seem more unhinged.

The Raven (1963): For about the past ten years, I had to include one Vincent Price movie in my movie watch marathon. And I think this’ll be the last one for a while. This movie is wild in the way that if it was made today, Film twitter would go crazy and hate on it for “disrespecting the source material”. Said “disrespect” starts literally with the titular raven saying something other then his iconic line, which had to have been a deliberate jab. But taken as it is, it’s a fun little gothic fantasy movie, similar in tone to the other Poe adaptation Price made with Roger Corman at the time, though the lightest in tone. 

As for the cast, It’s surreal seeing a really young Jack Nicholson, play the standard strong bland love interest to the female lead in this. Though looking at the carriage scene did make clear why he was cast. You can see the genesis of his Jack Torrance performance forming there. Peter Lorre’s fun as the cranky sidekick/turncoat, always complaining and backstabbing throughout. But you can’t be mad because it never goes well for him. The highlight is easily the climatic wizards duel between Price and Boris Karloff. Compared to future cinematic wizards duel, it’s more low key. Even compared to the one in Disney’s Sword in the Stone which came out a few years later. It’s not intense, just...I can’t think of any word other then cute. Like if two grandpas did a stage act where they were stage magicians trying to one up each other. I mean that in a good way. It can be a  rather slow, with certain plot devices being old hat now. But it’s a fun watch if you like these actors, especially when they’re trying to chew more scenery then the other.

Halloween (2018,Kills,Ends): This is the first time I saw the first two since I saw them in theaters. At this point, I don’t know what else I can add to them that isn’t there already. The first one still feels like an update of the 1978 original, while setting off Laurie’s new character arc. And the second feels like a part two of that, plus a nonstop kill showcase. And sneaking in a condemnation of mob mentality vigilantism in the process.

As for the new film that just came out; keep in mind this is first impressions. I didn’t like Kills too much when I first saw it. But now after a whole year, while it’s not my favorite, I’ve accepted it more. I had a feeling going in, that the reason they made Kills that way, was so to give them carte blanc to go in a completely outside the box way with this one. But even then, I didn’t expect it would get this different. It was like a back door pilot for a remake of a different 80s slasher film. (I got serious “Silent Night, Deadly Night” flashbacks.)

I think this one’s a mess, but I think it has some good ideas in it, especially in how it continues the themes from the last movies. Michael Myers was a monster born out of small-town suburbia. Created from it. And it’s here with a new character, we see not only the far reaches of the effects his rampage has had, but also how it inspires more monsters like him. It’s not that I want more information or world building in this (That’d be the Cult of Thorn all over again). But I like that it made me think maybe Michael’s just one long link of pure evil mass killers. What makes him evil isn’t supernatural, so much as sociological. Kind of how like one of the reasons mass shooters are motivated is because they saw how famous the last one is. 

It also finally provides a way for this franchise to finally get beyond Laurie and Michael for good. (Some call how he’s disposed of excessive, and maybe it is in presentation, but I liked that they took extra steps to make sure he’s gone this time, like removing his mask and such.) I’m also happy that if this is the last we see of Laurie Strode, she came out on top. If this franchise continues, it can either restart that anthology idea we had with Season of the Witch. Or maybe we’ll follow a new killer going forward. Leave the Strode family in peace. They’ve earned it.

Psycho Goreman (2020): E.T. if instead of him and Eliot, it’s Pinhead and rule 63′d Eric Cartman. This is a cynical, mean-spirited parody of 80s sci fi kids film, that I loved most of. By that, I mean the practical effects and the aliens. I don’t care if it’s 100% believable. It’s beautiful...in the ugliest ways imaginable. I especially loved the title character’s collection of generals who betrayed him. They look like slightly more gnarly power rangers villains. The family drama, I could do less of. Maybe had him interact/torture other humans throughout would be fun. And outside of “Love can motivate you to do terrible things”, nobody learned a damned thing. In other words, this is peak cinema.

Gravy(2015): Nobody talks about this horror-comedy or even seem to know about this movie. And watching it, it’s not hard to see why. The basic premise is that “cannibals hold employees of a Mexican restaurant hostage”. and things proceed to head in the blackest of comedic directions possible. Even that doesn’t sum up how weird it can get (there’s cartoon sound effects, for one). I suppose if you want a movie that’s gleefully messed up where it ends bad for pretty much everyone, you can check it out. I don’t think I cared for it, though. Felt like it punched down too much.

And that’s it so far. I hope to give the next update this time next week.

[alexcaldownapier]

Film Craft Disciplines - Pre-Production and Cinehaiku (Weeks 1-6)

I haven’t quite been on the ball so far this year when it comes to blog posts, but I’m getting started now. Let’s start with the Cinehaiku project.

Cinehaiku

This project has been a lot of fun so far, very relaxed, organic and creative. I like the experimental, poetic framework. And any project where the brief talks about “the sound-image relationship” is gonna be good.

We found our group quickly: old favourite collaborators Tom and Natalia and also Katie, who I haven’t worked with since first year. We all pitched a few ideas to eachother before landing on one I pitched: someone lying in bed, fixating on events from the day past. From this original idea we fleshed it out and made it a little less one-note depressing (if relatable) and a little heart-warming. We developed it into two people thinking about a date they’ve gone on before we see that, despite the awkward moments that each of them is fixating on, they are in the same bed and the date was a success overall. I really like where we took it - instead of just being a representation of something I think everyone can relate to, it kind of has a message now, that maybe it wasn’t as bad as you thought and fixating on the negatives can mean not appreciating the positives.

The way I’d first envisioned the idea was inspired heavily by Trainspotting 2 - I’ve always loved the visuals. Stylish but poetic.

I’ve always wanted to play about with in-camera effects that can create an interesting style and convey a meaning - a subjective image. So, we planned to use a projector to show the thoughts of the characters, a little more narrative than this inspiration shot, but still very subjective. We shot a bunch of awkward interactions between the characters while on a wee date (sitting chatting and strolling through the meadows) and then Tom chopped them up and stuck them together to create the idea of someone fixating on small details. He had some moments play on repeat and intercut with small details of fidgeting and awkward facial expressions.

We then projected this awkwardness onto our two characters in bed as they look uncomfortably cringed out by their behaviour. The final shot is then both of them in bed with one unified image of them slowly starting to hold hands as one of them rolls over to be with the other. 

So, we gave Claire (the star of our film last term, excellent actor) a message - they’re a reliably fun and talented presence and paired them up with Ava, Katie’s flatmate and also a great actor. They had a lot of chemistry and were both chipping in great wee ideas for the scenes. Katie took the lead with directing them with us all adding in suggestions; Natalia shot the film and I recorded sound on set. It was a lovely lil shoot and everyone got on very well - good vibes.

Tom is editing the film together and then I’ll start with the sound design. This is one area I’m a little unsure of the direction for. I’m going to do lots of experimentation with different expressionistic approaches that can accentuate the revelation of the film, from discomfort to appreciation. I want to have some bleed of the sound of the memories to emphasise the fractured editing, with some hard cuts in the sound to match the picture. Another idea I want to play with is the use of creaking or scratching, sounds that signify discomfort, or even some analogue sounds, maybe even drawing attention to the projection, accentuating the visual metaphor. Anyways, lots to try out and I’ve got enough time to experiment. Natalia is going to grade the image and then we’re going to work out if we’ll need any animation on top.

Very excited and happy with this project :)))

Film Craft Disciplines

This is another exciting project with more exciting people (we will all miss you, Sofia). Our group:

Producer: Beth Lindsay Director: Samuel Duner Writer: Ben McMorran Sound: Rowen Henderson Editor: Thomas Walker

And I will be trying my hand at the cinematography.

I haven’t done much cinematography throughout the course, focusing mainly on sound design and writing - so why the left turn? I previously found myself a little inexperienced and a bit anxious about taking on a camera role, whereas sound was an area that also interested me a lot but was often a role that not as many people were interested in so I could always try my hand at. But, over the summer, Natalia was making a short and needed a camera operator for a couple days of filming, so I stepped in. I found myself really enjoying it and not feeling out of my depth or clueless at all, it seemed like I had actually retained a lot of the camera knowledge from the past two years. I had also bought myself a camera (a sony alpha) and had been trying it out through the summer and again, found myself able to get shots that I actually liked.

So, with all that combined, I found that I really wanted to try it out this year and felt confident enough to go ahead with it.

So, the project, let’s start with the script.

I wasn’t too hot on the script to be honest, I found it very strange. The structure, characters and style all felt pretty incongruous. The lack of any real character arcs also meant the script felt more akin to a scene in a larger story than a stand-alone short. I think the rest of the group shared this view so we sat down all together and discussed what we wanted to do with the script. Sam was wanting to make sure we all felt invested in the story so we could all be passionate about doing our best work. Ben was mainly interested in working out what the character motivations and arcs could be. Tom and I then talked a bit about our experiences of internalised homophobia and as a group, we settled on a central theme - the relationship between shame and desire.

I’m really happy with this group we’ve got. Again, there’s some old favourites - Tom and Rowen, who I worked with last year on our film adaptation, a project I really loved, and Ben who I worked a lot with throughout first year - as well as some people I’ve always wanted to work with. Samuel and I had talked about working together at the end of last term so we immediately formed a group - and I think we have pretty similar tastes and approaches so I’m excited to develop the visual approach in the next few weeks. I’ve always admired Beth’s work - just non-stop efficiency which is already showing itself in the smooth organisation of our pre-production and again, another person I think is great to work with in creative discussions. It’s a shame to have lost Sofia, but Beth is confident she can take over that role on top of her producing work. 

Now, onto the actual cinematography.

Sam and I have been having lots of chats from the start as to what kind of visual style we want for the film as well as how we want to go about achieving this through kit and preparation. 

As the story focuses on quite messy interpersonal dynamics, we’ve spoken about using quite wide shots to allow the audience to examine the interactions and the body language of the characters. I’ve always found that I really respond to conversations shot in a two-shot as the meaning of the scene is within the way it is filmed - the interplay is captured all at once. We’ve also talked about giving the audience lots to play with and not prescribing a specific interpretation of the characters and their actions - showing as many truths of the situation as possible. I really like Sam’s idea of using these stark insert shots as a prominent part of the vocabulary of the film (as above). Assigning meaning to these objects left over from the night before could work really well in adding a sense of dread and depth to the whole scene, implying a lot of the backstory of the film. Sam’s vision of the film is one that has a lot of space, both literally and figuratively and using these inserts can help the audience build a large picture from small details. In terms of the lighting, it is slightly dictated by the time of day and the location of the scene, but there’s lots of fun to be had with it. 

Natural light falling through a window never fails to trigger some strange melancholic feeling in the viewer. Cold morning light, like in the bottom right image, can feel so isolating while still being so beautiful and cinematic. This is something I’ll need to experiment with - I’m torn between having a hard block of sunlight, shaped by the window frame or a more general soft lighting. Something to talk to the group about. Supplementing this key light with some fill or back-lighting and then some warm practical lights to add a bit of colour contrast and depth to the space, could make quite a brooding cinematic look. The class last Friday was really helpful in terms of making me a lot more clear on how I can use the kit available to create the right lighting - the camera stuff may be a bit more complex as I would need to test the different lenses as well as any filters we plan on using to soften up the image. I think I have the overall approach pretty set, pending some more conversation with Sam, but the specific technicalities as well as what shots we need in terms of conveying narrative beats is still to be set, again pending some more conversation and collaboration.

On previous projects, I’ve had a tendency to overstep and try to dominate conversation so I’m making sure I don’t do that this year, through the use of some practical steps. Alex’s rules for combatting your tendency to be a domineering dick: 1. don’t be a part of conversations you have no need to be a part of, 2. appreciate the roles and responsibilities of others, 3. understand that your idea of the story is not the most important, and may not be the best version

The next week, we have multiple meetings both as a whole group and some visuals-specific meetings. So, I’m very excited to get the whole approach set and start thinking about what pre-production work is needed. I prefer to work with a lighting plan and shot list as well as a pre-vis, where I can go to the location and block out the scene with actors and a stills camera, but I’ll need to see how the rest of the group like to work and if this approach is the best for our project. 

Excited :))

[grupositespeed]

Alexandra daddario the layover

One of the best scenes in the trailer was when Meg (Kate Upton) traps Kate (Alexandra Daddario) in a gas station bathroom.

I want an agency that’s going to bring something I’m not used to seeing,” Patton told Adweek.The one-upmanship is pretty funny, women using their physiques and situations to attract and land a guy they like. His experiences inform his process in a different way. He comes at things from a different angle. With Lance, you have someone who changes the pH balance in the water. But I think smart clients aren’t just looking for better, they’re also looking for different. “Most agencies seem to have this goal that they want to be ‘better’ than other shops out there. Krall will share creative oversight of Dagger’s account roster with Melissa Withorn, who has been promoted from creative director, group lead to vp, co-group creative director. It’s a fantastic place to raise a family and get incredibly fat-did I mention they cook everything here in ten pounds of butter?”Īt Dagger, Krall will report to Patton. But there’s also a strong sense of community and hospitality that the South is famous for. “Atlanta is teeming with culture and diversity, and the explosion of Hollywood production has attracted so many extraordinary creatives from all over the world. Krall moved from Los Angeles to Atlanta because the city made more sense for his family. It’s really an inspiring environment and I’m proud to be part of it.” Leadership is always looking for ways to be a better company, to have happier employees and to exceed clients’ expectations.

“I tried to play it cool as Al was pitching the ad world to me, but on the inside, I was thinking, ‘I guess I need to go shopping for some new pants if I’m going to start coming to an office.’ The decision was a no-brainer,” said Krall.Īt Dagger, Krall said that “there’s a collective willingness to think big and think outside the box that cultivates creativity and innovation in a way I’ve rarely seen. As he talked with his wife about his life changes, Dagger chief creative officer Al Patton took Krall to lunch and to convince him to come to the firm. When the pandemic happened, it forced Krall to reflect on his life and he realized that he wanted a new challenge that would get him out of his comfort zone. I’ve had my own development company, I’ve worked on independent projects, and I’ve worked within the studio system,” Krall told Adweek. After 16-plus years in Hollywood, I’d done practically everything I’d wanted to do, from acting and writing to directing, producing and then some. But just like in college, it was an easy choice for me to make.

“It was an impulsive decision then and I suppose jumping into my role at Dagger may sound just as impulsive now. Krall told Adweek that he was always fascinated with the ad world and went to college for it, until he made the decision his senior year to change his major to film and video. As an actor he’s appeared on The Office (as Dwight Schrute’s taekwondo instructor Sensei Ira Glicksberg), The Goldbergs, Monk, Free Radio and Breaking In. Krall starred in his own sketch comedy show on SpikeTV called The Lance Krall Show. He has been a staff writer for hit TV shows including It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Last Man Standing, and he co-wrote the script for The Layover, a feature-length comedy that was released in theatres in 2017 starring Kate Upton and Alexandra Daddario and directed by William H. Krall spent his entire career in entertainment before coming to the advertising world, but his skills in entertainment transfer over well. He comes to the agency after running his own Atlanta-based TV development company called Picture It. Atlanta independent agency Dagger has hired former Hollywood writer, producer, actor, and series developer Lance Krall as vp, group creative director.

[flickeringart]

Minor aspects

While the nature of the major aspects in astrology is quite straightforward and has been covered more than sufficiently, there’s still a lot of fog surrounding the nature of the minor ones. There are a lot of minor aspects that can be taken into consideration when interpreting a chart… however, since they are labeled minor they won’t be as obvious and much more difficult to spot in one’s own life. Note that this doesn't mean that they aren't impactful. There’s a lot of speculation and vague terms used when describing them. It seems that every minor aspect is said to have a “spiritual/creative dimension” as if that is supposed to clear up any of the mystery surrounding them. Perhaps, on one level, we don’t want to pin them down too much because certainty is the enemy of exploration. Or perhaps it’s the case that the aspects themselves don’t want to be pinned down? There’s an appeal in keeping certain things mysterious in our lives, to avoid defining and putting rigid labels on phenomena. It makes life alive and beautiful. Many people dismiss astrology is because they are afraid that they’re going to be reduced to a set of characteristics and have their personality mapped up to the point of being able to predict and foresee patterns of behavior and fated themes. The fear of knowledge is not irrational; it is probably healthy to an extent. Knowing too much can be dangerous and rob life of its magic. “Curiosity killed the cat”, as the saying goes. However, this is not the whole truth because curiosity also leads to expansion and better understanding, so let’s not be afraid to concretize these aspects, it's not the same as "killing" their potential. Life is never completely in our hands anyway, there's no risk of knowing it all.

Quintile (72°)/Bi-quintile (144°)

These aspects are said to have something to do with individual style and quality of creative work. It is suggested that these aspects say something about a mental-creative process of imposing one’s mind on a particular subject. It is also linked to talent and gifts the individual would possess that have not been actively learned. Basically, it seems to be indicative of the particular way a person would approach a subject. For example, the quintile would not describe the activity itself - the activity could be painting, knitting, running, cleaning or whatever – the quintile/bi-quintile would point to the way the person approaches the activity.

For example, Ted Bundy (whose chart I’ve explored a bit here), has Neptune bi-quintile the MC. Neptune, being the planet of illusion hints to Bundy’s quality of being a chameleon, deceiving the public as part of his personal style.

Prince Harry, (whose chart I’ve touched upon before), has his Moon bi-quintile Neptune. The Moon can be indicative of the mother figure, and his mother Princess Diana certainly had an elusive style and charm that was a bit deceptive and seductive. Of course, he would have the same thing going in his own life but it would perhaps be difficult for us to spot. He also has Moon quintile Venus and he definitely has a style/quality of emotional-physical comfort. He has Pluto quintile the AC, which would point to a style of showing up in the world that is powerful and intense. He has a tendency to come off as destructive and chaotic at times. There’s also a quintile aspect forming between Mercury in the 8th house and the MC which would hint to a public image that is colored by the “taboo” things he has said about his family in the recent present, but also in the past. He’s a public image that is aligning with the style of the playful amoral trickster.

As I’m going with charts I’ve already explored, let’s look at the quintiles in Meghan Markle’s chart. Her Venus is quintile Uranus and it perfectly describes her style of “wokeism”, that is, appearing to be objective and intelligent about feelings and affective values. She has a style of being “the loving humanitarian”. Whether she is this way in an actual sense is debatable. The quintile aspect is describing the quality and style not the actuality. But, it is disturbingly close to reality that it somehow becomes reality. It’s like the actor who adopts another energy signature in order to portray a different person. It doesn’t really matter if a person is rotten at the core - if he has a loving way of being, what difference does it make? The style is real enough to not reflect and give the impression of love.

Semi-square (45°) / Sesquiquadrate (135°)

These aspects are said to precipitate events. The nature of these two aspects is more immediate than the square aspect (which causes tension and doubt and needs constant navigation). The conflict represented is usually unconscious and is therefore not easy to identify. However, as these conflicts tend to manifest quite abruptly, we can take a look at the concrete problems the person faces. The planets connected by a semi-square/sesquiquadrate aspect will be in conflict but force some kind of release (that may result in an accident because of it’s autonomous/unconscious function).

I have Saturn sesquiquadrate my Moon. Since I tend to unconsciously block my emotional responses, the pressure builds and I am “forced” to get out of a situation, “forced to listen to my emotions”. I have encountered the theory that the sesquiquadrate in particular is manifesting as something that is looked down upon societally. This would make sense considering the aspect forces a breakout of one of the planets and nothing that is immediate and abrupt is ever favorably looked upon when it comes to social-societal structure and predictability. I have been meaning to take on commitments that would further my status in society in terms of formal education (Saturn in the 9th conjunct the MC) but I have not been able to do it without considerable decline in my emotional well-being. So, I have been “thrown out” by unconscious forces every time I’ve tried.

My sister has her Venus sesquiquadrate Saturn. She’s known for her deliberate and strategic way of dressing. She plans her outfits carefully, there’s nothing haphazard about the way she presents herself. However, she has Lilith conjunct Venus so she can push the limits and simply do what she pleases sometimes as well when the pressure of Saturn becomes too much. But, this often causes external judgment. A relative of mine has her Sun semi-square Venus. I can tell that she’s highly aware of her appearance. She is very pretty but there’s always something that is a bit off between what she wears and her self-expression. It’s like it doesn’t quite fit and it’s irritating.

To get back to the celebrities, Meghan Markle has Neptune sesquiquadrate Mercury. Is it possible that this forces distortion and vagueness in opinion and communication? It would certainly fit the bill. She also has Uranus sesquiquadrate Mars. She simply has to “break out of her confining situations”, cut people out of her life and move on in her own way. Uranus is also sesquiquadrate her MC, which seems to point to her unconscious pull to “do what she wants to do” at the detriment of her public image and reputation. Notably, Uranus sits in her 5th house of personal enjoyment and creation.

Prince Harry has a semi-square between Mars and Pluto. When he is angry it blossoms into rage and he can’t see straight. It has gotten him into quite a lot of trouble and societal-social disapproval. It seems that this is a common theme with the sesquiquadrate and semi-square. He also has his Moon sesquiquadrate Jupiter. Isn’t it the case that he tends to indulge in a way that makes him look bad in society?

Quincunx (150°)

This aspect is typically found between planets incompatible by element and mode. Basically, they have nothing in common and have a hard time cooperating, which will cause minor stress in the individual because of necessity to work around the incompatibilities. The planets are not in direct conflict but they are uncomfortable with each other.

For example, I have my Moon quincunx Mercury. Every time I sit down to write I’m mildly disturbed by little things like an aching back, a headache, restless legs or whatever. It’s not very comfortable for me but I can still keep with it, however it might take a toll on me health wise. The quincunx has been related to health issues because of the mild stress that it causes. It is manageable and one is usually able to cope with the stress, but it’s not very pleasant. Because it is not as demanding as more disturbing conflicts in one’s life, it’s in the background causing irritation.

Meghan Markle’s Venus makes a quincunx aspect to her MC. This suggests that she has a hard time reflecting her value on a public level, it’s as if how she’s perceived publicly disturbs her sense of ease and comfort. She has an Aries MC with a Virgo Venus and she’s continuously depicted as a bully these days, as some kind a selfish and aggressive bitch (the more negative attributes of Aries). This must be undermining her self-worth immensely, however, it’s perhaps too minor of a problem to do anything about. It is still there nonetheless, harping on in the background, breaking her down and causing slow disintegration…

Semi-sextile (30°)

Planets forming semi-sextile aspects are said to be able to aid each other, to have a better connection than if they had no link at all. Usually one planet is in the sign that comes before the sign of the other; in other words, a semi-sextile might be forming between Mars in Aries and Venus in Taurus. The semi-sextile usually connects consecutive sign like this, but planets could be in semi-sextile in the same sign, like Mars in 0° Taurus semi-sextile Venus in 30° Taurus. In any case, the planet placed at an earlier degree or in the earlier sign can draw on qualities of the planet in the later degree or the later sign and vice versa. For example, Prince Harry’s Venus in Libra is semi-sextile his MC. He can draw on his sense of harmony a diplomacy to benefit his public image. His Mars in Sagittarius is also semi-sextile his MC, which makes it so that he can draw from his Martial qualities of energy and action to influence his career and success.

Parallel/Contra-parallel

These are called aspects in declination because they are measured by latitude and not by longitude. This essentially means that two planetary bodies can aspect each other in a certain way measuring the distance between them north-south of the celestial equator. Two planets at the same degree north and south of the equator form a parallel aspect and can be interpreted the same as a conjunction (some say that it's more obscure like a quincunx/semi-square). Two planets opposite each other north and south form a contra-parallel aspect and can be interpreted as an opposition (some say that it's basically the same as the parallel though).

I have found, looking at my own chart that these aspects only confirms already existing aspects measured by longitude or it confirms the sign that a specific angle is in. For example, my MC is in Aries and it is also parallel Mars. Mars is the ruler of Aries so it emphasizes my already martial MC. My Sun is conjunct Saturn and it’s also parallel Saturn. My sister has a Scorpio MC and it’s also parallel Pluto, the natural ruler of Scorpio. For example, my sister has a wide Moon-Mars conjunction (6°) but they are also in contra-parallel. How is this supposed to be interpreted? I would simply see it as Moon-Mars is connected strongly despite the orb being a little wide with the conjunction.

However, it’s not always the case that parallel and contra-parallel aspects only confirms already existing influences. They can also add themes and connections. My sister doesn’t have any longitude aspects between Saturn and Uranus but they are contra-parallel to each other.

Septile (51.43° - a 1/7 of the 360°)

It is said to indicate a hidden flow of energy between the planets involved, an inner sensitivity to the spiritual dimension of the planets. Another description I have come across is that the planets “darkly interact” and there’s an occult theme surrounding the connection.

I have Venus septile Jupiter in my own chart. Going by the said method of interpretation, it would mean that I have sensitivity to the hidden wealth and underlying beauty and abundance in life. I think it is quite accurate.

Novile (40° - 1/9 of the 360°)

Is said to be describing a contact of perfection/idealization. It also seems to have something to do with spiritual awakening and growth, lack of fear and freedom.

Having Sun novile Saturn for example could be interpreted as a feeling of communion with the world and life itself through responsibility and the control one can exercise through self-expression.

----

There are of course other minor aspects to explore, but I'll stop here for now.

[fredfilmsblog]

BTS w/B&PC Part 4

Click here for the other posts of 'Behind the Scenes with Bee and PuppyCat'

Frederator Postcard Series 26.1

Now that Bee and PuppyCat: Lazy in Space is scheduled to drop on Netflix, September 6, 2022, I thought I would share some of my recollections as to how this special series of Natasha Allegri’s came to be. –Fred Seibert

Was our Kickstarter going to work? Could we make a Bee and PuppyCat series?

It was hard for some people to believe. Frederator had been very successful, with several series over the years, most recently the well regarded hit series of “Adventure Time.” Why would we need to ask the Kickstarter community to fund the Bee and PuppyCat series?

At least, that was one of the issues we were dealing with as we contemplated how we could make the show. Over the years, I’ve been asked almost as many questions about the PuppyCat Kickstarter as about anything else, so I’ll try and answer as many here as I can.

Here are a few key things to think about... My production companies have always had three key elements, and Bee and PuppyCat hit all three.

Creators first. It’s all about Natasha Allegri. Everything about Bee and PuppyCat is because of her unique vision, and her dedication and hard work that she puts into it every minute to make it special. Everything else follows.

Original, always. As I recently said to an idiot when he made a suggestion about other networks that might like PuppyCat, “Did you even watch the show?!” Aargh.

“Original” only begins to scratch the surface (no pun intended) of the exceptional qualities of the show. The characters, the stories, the drawing and design, the voice actors, the music.

Why would ever make a show that wasn’t original?

Your next favorite cartoon. We’re fans, just like our audiences. We want to be involved with creators and show that we just have to make. We’re looking for our next faves too.

All of my companies have been up-from-the-bootstraps, indie companies. Self funded, with an occasional small investment here and there. Generally, if we wanted to get a series going, especially one that required a “full” production (rather than what I call a “garage band” style, one person does everything, film), we needed a partner. And because the expense of an animated cartoon was in many millions of dollars for a 13 or 20 episode season, we always went to TV networks (or today, streamers too) who 1) needed cartoons, and 2) sold enough advertising or subscriptions to afford them. As I said in Part 3 of this series of posts, there was really no one who would take a chance on a unique show with Bee and PuppyCat.

As we were thinking about Kickstarter, we started jamming on the positives –and negatives– that our community would ask, and coming up with what we thought we reasonable responses to all of them.

Leading the charge was Nate Olson, a longtime friend who’d joined Frederator as Vice President, Marketing, but expanded his role over the years into pretty much everything outside of production. It’s fair to say that without Nate, the Bee and PuppyCat series wouldn’t have had a chance.

A quick diversion, and maybe a lesson, about Kickstarter. Among people I know, it seems easy. You put up your creative project –a comic, a video game, a film– and voila! people give you free money! If only it was so. Putting together a crowd funding project is a full time occupation, often for several months, and requires smarts, diligence, and just a lot of 24 hour, flop-sweat filled days.

Nate is the hero of the B&PC Kickstarter, the person who made it happen for Bee and PuppyCat. He even directed me beautifully in the KS video (I’m a BTS guy, not really one for the camera).

Here’s Nate’s recollections of the project...

We reached out to our friend, crowdfunding expert George Rohac. George worked with Frederator to outline the kinds of tiers, rewards, and milestones a 30 day Kickstarter needed. Frederator had modest goals at the outset and high hopes. We spent 60 days planning, creating assets, and getting collaborators on board. Then 30 days doing the Kickstarter.

The fans donated enough to hit the goal (6 x 6 minute episodes) within about 10 days. And then the stretch goals were accomplished over the remaining 20 days. At the time it was the most backed crowdfunding campaign with (almost 20K backers) and largest web series ever crowdfunded.

It took over a year to get the first group of episodes produced and up on YouTube. And then a couple of years more to get the rest of the episodes. We switched [overseas] production partners and we gave Natasha all of the time she needed to do what she wanted to do.

We had to wait until the DVD's could be made before we fulfilled most of the physical rewards so that took a few years. We understood the backers frustrations and read every comment and email about it. Frederator invested its own money to make an even 10 episodes (a total 60 minutes of content.) We had an exclusive BOOM! comic cover and exclusive signature edition Squishables [Here are some of the exclusive Kickstarter rewards. -Fred]. 17 licensees signed up to do Bee and PuppyCat merch, with dozens and dozens of amazing Bee and PuppyCat products.

The Kickstarter drop was amazing, the fans responded in droves, even the one naysayer in our joint had to eat his words.

But, it was still a nerve racking month for all of us, especially Nate. I’d watch him drag himself into the New York office looking like he hadn’t slept a bit. He hadn’t, he just kept refreshing the KS site, exhilarated when things went up, deflated when there was no action. About halfway through the month he set up a Reddit AMA with Natasha and me on the Adventure Time subReddit (Nate and programmer Matt Gielen sat with me through the whole thing, since I wasn’t familiar with the insider subReddit jargon; didn’t want to disapppoint!).

You know the end of this part of the story. We not only beat our large expectations, but became, at least for five years or so, the most backed animation project in Kickstarter’s history until that month. Yayyyyy!

Now came the hard work. Producing a series.

More to come in BTS w/B&PC Part 5. Parts 1-3 here.

[dreamylyfe-x]

Your trevor meta is making me realize how weird it is that the writers and cast were so insistent that mickey wasn't coming back, because I don't think theyve ever really known what to do with ian's story without him. They put him in these lukewarm relationships and tell us they're so much better and healthier, but then have ian straight up admit that he still loves mickey and nobody else has made him feel the same way. How do they set that up and then have him go back to trevor? They set up ian moving on with "I'm not that person anymore" and follow up with season 8. It's like okay...who he is now is gay Jesus? Lmao. He's always been the shows forgotten middle child and after they wrote mickey off "for good" they could have taken him in a million directions but they chose one so shitty it basically made cam leave lmao. Sometimes it feels like fan insistence kind of forced mickey back but in actuality, the seasons where he's gone just hammer home that he was always the inevitable end to ian's story. So bizarre how little the showrunners understand their own story sometimes.

Ok. I’m going to be a little more Doylist here than I usually am, because we’re talking about what the writers are thinking. And I’m also going to take this opportunity to share this fascinating article from the AV Club in 2016: When Fan Engagement Goes Wrong. Everyone beware, it contains significant spoilers for The 100. But it’s also largely about Gallavich, the fact that online promotion of Shameless leaned hard into the popularity of the couple, and were up against it when Noel left. I’ll quote: 

“[Supervising Producer Shelia] Callaghan’s choice to be honest and straightforward when engaging with fans is admirable, and yet also on some level futile. She can’t tell them exactly why Fisher chose to leave, she is (logically) unwilling to spoil future storylines outright, and she can only speak her own mind as part of a collaborative process over which she holds only some influence. So while many fans respect her effort to maintain the connection to this now marginalized community, others attack, reinforcing that attempting to manage these situations is a full-time job that no one has been properly trained for.” 

This article links some tweets and the one I find the most interesting is this one:

“But the actor left.  So...what to do? Have them just break up?? Felt way less true to me than a forced separation!” 

That tweet is from Krista Vernoff, who wanted to convey that they tried really hard to come up with what they do with Ian now that he’d lost Mickey. And I’m sure they did try really hard. And.... People hated it. Mostly. 

Here’s what I think, based on what I’ve read and the interviews I’ve seen, on deleted tweets and Tumblr rumours and YouTube clips: The show didn’t want Mickey to leave the canvas. At all. Noel wanted more money. The show could not come up with both that money and the money they needed for everyone else. The show let him go. And hoped they could solve the creative problem their budgetary problem had dumped in their lap. 

I actually think Ian’s story in season six is decent. I miss Mickey, of course. I find the last scene with him really painful -- but it’s not painful because the show is trying to diminish him. They write and then cut together a scene where Mickey is DEMONSTRATIVELY still deeply in love with Ian. He’s carved his name in his chest. He is looking at Ian like he’s the most beautiful creature ever given breath. And Ian can barely meet his gaze. They tell us Mickey is being sent away for 16 years but when we see the last of Mickey Milkovich in season six I think “God, this is so sad. They love each other so much and this is so fucked up.” 

I do NOT think “We are NEVER EVER EVER getting back together.” 

The show always knew what it had with Ian and Mickey. They leaned into it promotionally. They gave meaty storylines to the characters, particularly given that Ian was the fourth lead on a family dramedy built around six children. John Wells replaced Aaron Sorkin on The West Wing. He knows how hard it is to follow a phenomenon. 

The more I think about it, honestly? I don’t think they tried. I think they knew that they couldn’t bring in Mickey Milkovich, the sequel in season six, so they brought in Caleb. And maybe they meant for him to be a LITTLE more viable than he was... but I think there’s a pretty good chance they were just throwing something at the wall to see if it stuck, while being fully aware that the important storyline in season six was getting Ian from despair to a fulfilling career. Caleb was just there as a catalyst. 

Season seven if more interesting, because Trevor is brought on and it’s very much... “Hey, let’s do something new. Let’s bring on a transmasc character and put him into a relationship with Ian and explore those complications.” 

“Great! Put it up on the board!” 

“Also. Let’s call Noel Fisher’s people and see what we can work out because we can do better with Mickey’s send off and people are yelling at me on the street about it.” 

Quite honestly, these are not equal tasks for his writer’s room. You have one story -- Create a whole ass new character. The only thing we know is that he’s trans. Figure out the romance from there. You have six episodes to get them together as an established couple. 

Then: Bring back the well-established and beloved character for an epic romantic two-episode arc where he reunites with his true love and they run away together and then ultimately realize it cannot be, and say goodbye and it all feels like I Will Always Love You should be playing in the background. They actors worked together for five years. They have a great professional partnership. They like working together. They have a ton of history so there’s lots of juicy subtext. The longing and sexual tension comes pre-established. See what you can do. 

HOW do you make both those things work out so that they are equal? You need lightening to strike. And that already happened on How I Met Your Mother. They squandered their good luck and now there is none left for Shameless. I do not disparage Elliot Fletcher at all when I say that for Trevor and Ian to really work he’d have had to have come with scorching chemistry with Cam, rich material that really gave them a good opportunity to build rapport between the characters, and A wizard standing by to cast spells in the wings. They had SIX episodes, a pretty average connection between the actors, and the “these are the LGBTQ+ people in your neighbourhood” scene. 

I just can’t believe that someone with as many years of TV writing under his belt as John Wells has expected that to work. He hoped the Trevor story might be good, and was certainly going to break some ground in terms of telling trans stories. And the Mickey story was going to be the highlight, because he knew people wanted it and he also knew that they’d had something pretty special to start with. Which is why people were yelling at him at Comic-Con. I DO think he hoped it might placate fans a bit. But... he wasn’t going to completely close the door on Mickey this time, either. 

So... I don’t really think the show every intended to write Mickey off “for good”. I think they wrote him off “for now, and we’ll see what happens...” -- and they did that with Karen, Shelia, Jody, Steve and Fiona, too. They only brought a few of those people back... They brought Mickey back three times. They ended Gallavich FOUR times. Noel is in ever season except eight. I don’t think they wanted Mickey gone -- but I KNOW the fans also made it pretty hard for them not to know his value, so absolutely I think that played a role. But when you create something people love and you get that lightening in a bottle like they did with this story, I think writers are always going to be excited to get that back. They like praise! They like people to be excited about their show. And Gallavich was always one of the things that got people excited about Shameless. 

I think they also wanted Gay Jesus to be a great story. But that’s why the lightening in the bottle is so valuable. You can’t just get it anywhere. 

[get-shiggy-with-it]

Oh I just got hit so hard with Professor!Compress brainrot. Yes I’m still on my college au bullshit okay I know.  But I need to get it out of my head so here ya go:

18+ Minors DNI

Word Count: 1k

Pairing: Professor!Compress x Gender Neutral!reader

Warnings: professor/student dynamics, mild innocence kink, smut, alcohol mention, power dynamic play

He’s teaching in the theater department, or something similarly arts related. One of those weirdly eccentric profs who’s so painfully handsome despite how strange and unreadable he seems in classes.

Professor Sako would absolutely be the type to enjoy having a drink with some of the students he’s closer with, especially if they’re participating in some of the shows he directs or he’s helping advise them on their own thesis work. Genuinely really likes to listen when you info-dump about your favorite playwright/author/artists etc... He just finds it incredibly attractive to have intelligent conversation about your shared interests.

Also it gives him an excuse to see your face all lit up and so excited that your favorite award-winning prof is showing an interest in you.

He gets drunk more off that light of adoration in your eyes than he does the wine.

Atsuhiro will find himself seeking you out in his auditorium classes, calling on you more and more often to come up on stage and help demonstrate—even if this isn’t your major or field of study, even if you’re just here for the easy credit, he’s rapidly starting to view you as a muse of sorts.  

Not just because you’re attractive—god knows you are though—but you have substance. There are complexities to you that make you so fascinating to him and like any good professor, he wants to help you realize them. Bring them to fruition. He sees your potential, that’s all.

Potential to be molded into something perfect for him.

He’ll send you innocent emails, asking you to stop by during his office hours and canceling any other appointments all under the guise of advising your class work. It’s inconsequential if you both end up on the small sofa he keeps that makes the secluded room feel more comfortable, door closed and legs pressed close together as you open up to him about all the creative ventures you’ve thought of but were always too scared to pursue.

There’s no money in art. Why major in a hobby? You have to be a genius to get noticed.  

Atsu is so kind, so understanding, so supportive of you when clearly everyone else in your life has begged you to give up on your dreams.

It doesn’t even matter if he truly believes you posses the skills to succeed. Because he’ll craft them for you, he’d do whatever it takes to make sure that bright, unwavering, absolute adoration never leaves your eyes when you look at him.

He decides then that he has to be the only one you’ll ever look at that way. 

And if he convinces you to audition for the debut of his newest passion product—one he’d started in secret the moment you stumbled through his classroom doors, so lost and begging for him to pull you from the tempest of scrambling student bodies. 

Pleading with your eyes for talented, wonderful Professor Sako to scoop you up and make a masterpiece of you. 

You’ll be a stunning lead, he tells you, and he knows your apprehensive. 

So many other far more qualified students are fighting tooth and nail for the chance to perform under Atsuhiro Sako’s direction, and he understands your anxieties. 

But he doesn’t tell you how completely unfounded they are. Doesn’t tell you that the leading role is you. Was always meant to be you. Because he wrote it for you. No, he wants you to think you got here on your own when the cast list is sent around and you come crying into his office to throw yourself rather unprofessionally into his arms. 

Words of thanks and praise fall so easily from your lips, he just can’t help the smirk that forms on his. 

And it’s the same smirk he wears when he fucks you so sweetly on the prop room couch after rehearsal that first night. You’re so pliant and willing under him, so full of devotion to this man who’s handed you your dreams on a plate. It doesn’t matter that someone might creep back into the theater late and discover you or that the ghost light which illuminates the stage has him thinking that the spirits who come to perform for the empty rows of seats might watch instead. Might become an undead voyeurs to your coupling, might applaud as he pulls gorgeous sounds from you underneath him. 

He’s an actor at heart. 

He has always thrived with an audience. 

It’s delicious, he thinks. And when he tastes you again in his office the week after that, buried between your legs as you lean on his desk--it’s even more divine than he could have imagined. 

He never lets you go after he’s gotten started and sweet, innocent you is swept along for the ride of your life. 

Suddenly you find yourself at his apartment after Friday night rehearsals—he prefers to give you his notes in private, of course. And you just keep forgetting those lovely lines he’s written just for you. 

It’s late into the night but he isn’t going to stop, not until every word is burned into your memory—just like the feeling of his cock mercilessly pumping into you. Script in one hand and your abused nipple in the other, Atsuhiro has you nicely laid up in his bed, legs around his waist as he rolls hips into you while you run scenes with him. His pace is slow enough to keep you just on the edge, thrusting sharply whenever you get a line wrong. He steels himself, remains outwardly unaffected while he fucks you until you’re so incoherent the only words he can wring from those perfect lips are:

Atsuhiro, please, let me cum...

And he does, because you’ve earned it. Been so good for him. 

He tosses the script aside and pounds into your heat and tangles your tongues together and losses himself in that look of worship on your face as you come undone.

And then he’ll do it all over again, because it’s his job to teach you, to perfect you. 

You’re his star and his work of art—his vision come to life. 

Molded carefully for him. 

Only for him. 

[nicknellie]

Anonymous requested: Could I request willex fake dating au, maybe the boys are trying to get Alex a boyfriend and so he asks Willie to fake date him to get the boys off his back or something please!

Anon, I love fake dating AUs, I’m beyond glad that you suggested this. Plus with willex I think fake dating is very in character, especially for Alex. I had a lot of fun writing this one, thank you for your request! I’m sorry it took me so long to get round to writing it, but to make up for it I’ve made it longer than most of my other fics.

A Dream Come True

Alex had to hand it to them – when Luke and Reggie wanted something, they really pushed for it. Normally it would be one of the many things he loved about the two of them. Determination, perseverance, resilience, all good qualities. And when they put their minds towards something useful like booking Julie and the Phantoms a gig or dragging Willie out of the washing machine when he got stuck in it playing hide and seek, they were definitely useful to have around. So usually, Alex loved their pushiness.

He just didn’t like it when it was aimed at him. Even less so when they were trying (for the umpteenth time that month) to get him a boyfriend.

And the worst part was that this time Alex had run out of excuses.

For reasons Alex simply couldn’t fathom, Luke and Reggie had been obsessed with the idea of finding him a boyfriend for some weeks now. Reggie had downloaded several dating apps and entered all of Alex’s information, and every time Alex saw him the first thing Reggie would do was reel off a list of several candidates he’d deemed worthy. Luke, ever the technophobe (or rather just terrible with technology), had taken a more natural approach and spent countless hours wandering the streets of Hollywood for someone who was, in his words, ‘the sort of guy who would make Alex lose his goddamn mind’.

It wasn’t that Alex didn’t appreciate them trying to make him happy – he found it sweet, if a little weird – it was just that he knew nobody they found would ever be right. He knew what he was looking for, he knew what he wanted, and he didn’t think that Luke and Reggie could get it for him.

The first time they had tried to send him on a date Alex had faked a cold and pulled out at the last minute. The second time he had “accidentally” shown up to the wrong location and missed the entire thing. The third time he simply hadn’t gone – instead, he turned off all the lights in his house, locked all the doors and windows, and hid, so when he didn’t show up and Luke and Reggie came over looking for him they assumed he was out. The fourth time and most recent time he had pretended to fall asleep when they told him about it.

Alex wasn’t the most creative of people and he had pretty much exhausted all of his go-to date-dodging tactics. So the fifth time his friends tried to set him up, he completely panicked.

“So I was doing my usual lap of Sunset Boulevard this morning,” Luke said in lieu of a greeting the moment he walked into Julie’s garage. “And Alex, dude, bro, you will not believe the guy I saw.”

“Good morning to you to,” Alex said flatly.

Luke wrinkled his nose like the greeting confused him, but then saw Julie setting up her mic in the corner. A bright smile grew on his face as he was distracted and for a moment Alex thought he might have been lucky enough to get out of the conversation. But a moment later, Reggie entered the studio and also decided that greetings weren’t a necessity.

“Luke! Did you tell Alex about the guy yet?”

Julie snickered (she found the whole thing much funnier than Alex did and he most certainly did not appreciate it) and for a moment more Luke continued to just look at her, absolutely besotted, but then he came to his senses and all of a sudden his excited smile was directed at Alex.

“Right, that. So I ran into him outside the Orpheum, so he’s probably a music guy,” Luke gushed, winking in a way that Alex supposed was meant to be suggestive. “We had a little chat and he told me he’s training as a teacher and is also looking for someone to settle down with.”

“Sometimes I worry about you,” Alex said, laying a gentle hand on Luke’s arm. “You’re getting forgetful. I’m not looking to settle down with anyone.”

Rolling his eyes dramatically, Luke shrugged Alex’s arm off and instead planted his own hands firmly on Alex’s shoulders, shaking him a little. “Maybe not, but that might change when you meet this guy.”

“I doubt it. What’s his name?”

“Oscar. Maybe Oliver. Orville? I don’t know, but it definitely began with an ‘o’.”

“He sounds memorable,” Alex deadpanned. “I’m sure we’ll have a great time together.”

Reggie gasped excitedly. “So you’ll meet up with him then?”

“No,” Alex said firmly.

Julie giggled again (and once again Luke looked at her, dazzled). “Why not, Alex? You sounded so enthusiastic about him!”

“Very funny,” he returned. “I’m not meeting him.”

“Why not?” Luke whined, dragging the words out like a frustrated toddler. “You always do this! Reg and I try to set you up with people but you always say you don’t want to. Are we missing something?”

Alex could see the cogs whirring in Reggie’s mind before his face lit up and he triumphantly guessed, “Or are we missing someone?”

If anyone had asked, Alex wouldn’t have been able to give a reason for what he said next. It was completely untrue, a wild statement made under extreme pressure in the face of an emergency. Perhaps it was a bad decision, but he had run out of excuses to not meet people and he was getting desperate. He hadn’t had time to consider it.

Alex said, “Yes.”

Reggie’s jaw dropped, Julie dropped her microphone, and Luke dropped whatever respect he had left for Alex’s personal boundaries. He launched himself at Alex, tackling him to the floor in what he assumed was supposed to be a hug, and Alex was fairly certain that Luke was crying with happiness.

“Dude!” he shouted (though it was rather muffled since he had his face buried in Alex’s shirt). “That’s awesome news! Reggie and I can stop searching! I didn’t think you’d be able to find someone yourself, bro.”

“Thanks for having so much confidence in me,” Alex said flatly as he extricated himself from Luke’s vice grip and hoisted himself to his feet.

“You’re welcome,” Luke said as he wiped his eyes (yes, he was actually crying happy tears).

Julie had her arms crossed in front of her chest, looking half-puzzled and half-affronted. “You’re seeing someone? And you didn’t tell me? The only one of your friends who is even a little bit good at keeping a secret?”

“Hey,” Reggie interrupted, “I’m good at keeping secrets!”

“Reggie, honey, I love you but at Christmas you told everyone what you’d bought them as soon as you’d bought it.”

Reggie looked like he wanted to defend himself but couldn’t. “I was excited to see everyone’s reactions…”

Rolling her eyes fondly, Julie turned back to Alex. “Anyway – why didn’t you tell me?”

While he was a terrible liar, Alex just so happened to be a very good actor. In high school he’d got the lead role in the school play two years in a row, but whenever someone asked him if he was gay (before he had come out) he would often panic and pretend to faint to get out of the situation. Though he was technically telling a lie here, he decided it would be the prime opportunity to employ some of the improvisational skills he had worked on with Carrie back in their theatre club.

“It was all very new,” he explained, “we weren’t sure if it was going to go anywhere and we didn’t want to tell everyone until we were sure.”

It was only at this point that Alex realised he was digging a very deep hole for himself and it was most certainly too late to climb out of it now.

“When do we get to meet him?” Reggie asked excitedly.

“You already have,” Alex replied.

A little voice in the back of his mind was saying, shut up, you absolute idiot, what the hell are you playing at? Perhaps stupidly, he drowned that voice out.

Looking dumbfounded, Luke clutched Alex’s shoulders again. “We have? Who is it?”

The little voice got louder – don’t say it, Alex, I’m begging you not to say it, it’s like you’re actively trying to ruin your own life, you absolute–

“Willie.”

In eery synchrony, Luke, Julie, and Reggie all looked to each other with identical expressions of shock and bewilderment and then turned back to Alex with furrowed brows.

“Willie?” they all chorused.

Alex pursed his lips and rocked on the balls of his feet, suddenly regretting every decision he’d made that had brought him to this point in his life. “Yep.”

“I thought your thing with him finished like six months ago?” Julie said.

“Well, there wasn’t really much of a thing to finish,” Reggie reasoned, “just Alex’s pining from afar that had lasted for like four years–”

“Yes, thank you, Reginald,” Alex interrupted. It wasn’t that Reggie was wrong, Alex just didn’t like how right he was. “And yeah, it did… I guess. But then we were hanging out together a few months ago and it was really nice and we started doing it more often and eventually he asked me on a date.”

Alex was overly aware that every word he had just said was an utter lie. Firstly, he had never really got over Willie – Willie wasn’t the sort of person you could just forget or move on from, even though Alex had never actually dated him. Secondly, Alex and Willie hadn’t actually hung out together alone in quite a while. Willie had been busy with their blossoming art career, going to different presentations and awards shows, trying to make a name for himself; Alex, on the other hand, had been doing his best to avoid dating anyone. And thirdly, Willie had never once asked Alex on a date.

He knew he should have backtracked, told them the truth, but he was in far too deep.

“This has been going on for a few months?” Luke said incredulously. “How have you kept it from us that long? Dude, you just let Reggie and I spend literally all our free time trying to find you a boyfriend!”

“I never asked you to do that.”

“You could have told us to stop,” Reggie said.

“I did,” Alex returned. “Several times.”

Julie raised her hands placatingly. “Okay, okay. That’s not important right now. What’s important is that Alex and Willie are finally together. Are you sure they’ll be alright with you telling us while he’s not here?”

Alex shrugged, trying to act like he wasn’t too sure (which was easy because he’d never been less sure of anything at any time in his life). “Umm… well… we haven’t really talked about it much, but… you know, I’m sure he won’t mind too much. I’ll tell them tonight.”

Julie smiled warmly. “Well, I’m happy for you in any case. It’s nice that you’ve finally got what you wanted for so long.”

“Amen to that,” Luke said, finally picking up his guitar. Alex had all but forgotten they were supposed to be practising instead of talking about his very fake relationship with Willie which Willie didn’t even know about. “And Reg and I can finally stop looking for someone.”

“Could’ve stopped before you’d even started,” Alex said, sitting down behind his drumkit, “but alright.”

He knew that sooner or later he would have to tell Willie what he’d done and he was absolutely dreading it. Willie was a very chill person and Alex knew they’d probably find it funny more than anything, but it was still a daunting prospect. But for now, he focused himself on his drums, hammering out all of that excess anxiety, and forgetting the absolute nightmare he’d created for himself just for a little bit.

*

It was nearing one o’clock in the morning and Alex was very much not ready to go to sleep. For one thing, he was still wearing his clothes instead of pyjamas, and for another he was pacing his room like a caged lion with anxiety and had been doing so for almost three hours. He was trying to build up the courage to call Willie and let him know what had gone on, but he was so nervous that he wasn’t sure he’d even be able to string a sentence together if Willie picked up the phone.

He knew he would just have to bite the bullet. He couldn’t put it off forever or it would end in disaster. For the thousandth time he reminded himself that Willie was the kindest, funniest, most good-natured person he knew and that he had nothing to be scared of when it came to telling them that he had made a massive, probably damning mistake. Willie would be fine with it, Alex knew.

Before he could dwell on it a second longer, Alex dialled Willie’s number and let it ring.

It only rang twice before Willie picked up. Even though it was late, Alex had known Willie would pick up (the guy hardly slept at all) and he fought the urge to tell him to go to bed.

“Morning,” Willie said chirpily.

Alex checked the time and blinked in surprise; he hadn’t realise how long he’d been pacing for.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” he said. “How come you’re still awake?”

“Mario Kart,” they replied. Alex could practically hear Willie’s smile – suddenly there were butterflies in his already anxious stomach and they certainly weren’t helping. “Why are you still awake? I thought your bedtime was half nine.”

“It hasn’t been in two years and you know that,” Alex said. Willie giggled brightly which teased a smile out of Alex. “I, uh… I actually need to talk to you about something that happened today.”

Just get on with it, he told himself, don’t drag it out.

“Oh?” Willie said. “What is it? You sound nervous – do you need me to come over?”

“No,” Alex told him, “it’s late – or maybe early. Either way, you don’t need to come all the way to my place just so I can tell you this.”

“It sounds serious.”

“It might be,” Alex admitted. “It depends on how you take it.”

There was a brief silence on the other end and for a moment Alex wondered if Willie had decided to end the conversation, but then they said, “Alright, let me just pause the game.”

Another short pause as Willie stopped mid-race. Alex took the opportunity to collect himself, shake out his nerves. It would be fine. Willie would be fine with it.

“Okay,” he said a moment later. “I’m back. What’s going on, hotdog?”

Alex scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck, suddenly unsure where to start.

“Okay,” he began uncertainly. “Well… Luke and Reg have been trying to set me up with someone for a while now and I’ve been trying to avoid it as much as I can. I’ve sort of run out of excuses and you know how difficult it is for me to say no to them.”

Willie hummed knowingly. “Like with the Great Cactus Robbery of 2019.”

Alex winced at the memory – he hadn’t realised cactus spikes hurt quite that much, but he’d gone through with a lot that night for Luke and Reggie’s sake.

“Don’t remind me,” he said witheringly. “Anyway, you know what I’m talking about then. They told me about another guy earlier today and I really needed another excuse to give them. I tried just point-blank telling them no, but then they started asking questions and…”

“And?” Willie prompted.

“I told them I was seeing someone,” Alex said. There was silence on the other end. “I told them I was seeing you.”

After a moment or two (that felt like an eternity) Willie burst out laughing. Alex sighed, affronted, but he supposed it was one of the better reactions he could have got. At least Willie wasn’t angry at him.

“Why?” Willie wheezed between laughs. “Was that seriously the first thing that came to your mind?”

“Yes,” Alex grumbled. “I was under a lot of pressure. You were the obvious choice.”

They giggled happily and Alex realised just how true those words had been – whether he liked it or not, Willie would always be the obvious choice for him.

“Well, I’m flattered,” they told him, blatantly trying to contain their giggles. “Thank you for thinking of me, hotdog.”

“You’re welcome,” Alex said. “But I’m sorry about it too. I’ve created an absolute mess and dragged you into it, so I understand if you’re angry at me.”

“Does it sound like I’m angry at you?”

“No?”

“That’s because I’m not,” Willie said kindly. “I get it, man, you just panicked. No big deal. Besides, we can ride this out easily.”

Alex blinked. “We can?”

“Sure, man, it’ll be fun. We’ll pretend to date for a few weeks, have a friendly breakup, and then everything can go back to normal.”

“You’re sure?” Alex checked. This hadn’t been what he was expecting – he’d thought Willie would say it didn’t matter but he needed to come clean. He hadn’t been expecting the offer of dating.

Fake dating, said that irritating little voice in his head. It’s not real. Don’t let yourself forget that.

“Of course I’m sure,” they said. “I mean, it’s totally cool if you don’t want to, but surely it’ll be easier than backtracking completely with the others. And it’ll get Reggie and Luke off your back for a little while longer.”

He considered it, weighing up the pros and cons. On one hand, he’d get to date Willie at last, something he’d wanted to do since he met him. It would give them more of a chance to hang out together, Luke and Reggie would stop pestering him, and it was always fun to harmlessly mess with his friends. On the other hand, he wasn’t sure his sentimental little heart could stand getting to date Willie and then having him taken away even if that was the arrangement from the very start.

But it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

“Alright,” he said resolutely. “I’m in.”

“Cool,” Willie returned happily. “Shall we meet tomorrow to discuss, you know, like, boundaries and stuff like that?”

“Sounds great. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He heard Willie press play on his game, the unmistakable sound of an item box being broken on Mario Kart.

“See you tomorrow, Alex,” Willie said. “Or maybe now we’re dating I should be calling you ‘babe’ or something.”

If that made Alex’s heart flutter, he wouldn’t say anything about it. “We’ll go over pet names tomorrow. Goodnight, Willie.”

“Goodnight, babe.”

As Alex put his phone down and launched himself into bed (still fully clothed but suddenly far too tired to even consider getting changed) he thought to himself that there probably couldn’t have been a better outcome.

*

Alex had expected the meeting with Willie to feel awkward and weirdly formal, but it was completely the opposite. Both of them were in high spirits the whole time, jokingly holding hands and making heart eyes at each other, laughing every time one of them used a particularly ridiculous pet name for the other. (When Alex had called Willie ‘sugarpoops’ he had thought they might die from laughing.)

But the meeting was productive too. They set some effective boundaries – any touching was allowed, just not too intimate; kissing was fine, but only to prove a point; and just for the fun of it they agreed they had to act like the most sickeningly in-love couple the world had ever known. Alex didn’t really care if that would give the whole thing away, it seemed like a bit of fun and it would be useful when it came to reminding himself that none of this was actually real.

That bit, he had to admit, still stung.

He and Willie had arranged to meet Luke, Reggie, and Julie at the studio that afternoon, so spent the day together beforehand. Just to try and get into the swing of things, they treated their morning together as a mini date. Alex took Willie to minigolf, then they went to an ice cream parlour, and after that Willie tried to teach Alex how to skateboard for fifteen minutes before Alex got too nervous and gave up. It was fun and Alex tried not to think about the fact that this was the reality he was missing out on – if he imagined he was just hanging out with Willie as a friend, which in a way he was, then it was just about bearable.

They arrived outside the studio together and they could hear the other band members’ voices already inside. Alex’s stomach started squirming nervously which he thought was weird. He didn’t actually have anything to be nervous about – he and Willie weren’t really dating.

But still, he was starting to feel a little bit queasy and was seriously considering just running away.

Then he felt Willie’s hand slip into his and their fingers lace together. He looked down at them and saw that he had a kind, soft smile on his face, gently encouraging.

“Ready to be my boyfriend, sweetheart?” Willie asked teasingly.

The nerves didn’t disappear, but Alex found it a lot easier to ignore them after that.

“Always,” he said. “Let’s do this.”

Without another moment’s hesitation, Alex pushed open the studio door and led Willie inside. Julie, Luke, and Reggie all hushed immediately and looked at the couple like they’d been caught red-handed. If their guilty expressions were anything to go by, they had been talking about Alex and Willie before they had walked in. He could only guess as to what they had been saying, but at that point Alex hardly thought it mattered.

It was showtime.

“Hey guys,” he said, grinning broadly. “What are you talking about?”

The three all responded at the same time but with wildly different answers.

“That gig next week,” blurted Luke.

“I lost my favourite hairclip,” Julie explained.

“I’m thinking of buying a horse,” Reggie told them.

Alex and Willie looked at each other, trying to hide their amusement.

“Anyway,” Julie said, “doesn’t matter what we were talking about! Because you’re here now, both of you! And you’re dating!”

Without warning, Willie giggled brightly and attached himself to Alex like a koala to a tree. Alex laughed and threw his arms around Willie, holding them tightly, pressing a firm kiss to the top of their head.

“I feels so good to finally have it out in the open,” Willie gushed, gazing at Alex with pure adoration in his eyes. “Right, sugarplum?”

Alex gently rubbed the tip of his nose against Willie’s, fighting the urge to laugh. “Of course, my little cheesecake.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Alex could see his friends’ expressions – he had to close his eyes so he wouldn’t be able to see them, otherwise he definitely would have broken character and started laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. Luke looked utterly horrified, like the display of affection was disgusting; Julie was staring at the two of them wide-eyed, her face flushed red, looking like she would rather be anywhere else; and Reggie just looked baffled.

After a while, Julie cleared her throat and the couple turned to look at her innocently.

“So,” she said, “we’ve heard Alex’s version of the story, but Willie – how did… all this happen?”

Willie linked his arm through Alex’s marched the two of them over to the couch and sat Alex down, then sat primly on his lap, laying their head against Alex’s shoulder. “I’m so glad you asked.”

“I’m not,” Luke muttered, “this is weird.”

Julie kicked his shin and he shut his mouth.

“I had been watching Alex from afar ever since we met, but I didn’t think a cool, handsome drummer could ever care about someone like me. I was convinced we would only ever be friends. But then we hung out together and I saw all these different sides to his personality – he’s so caring and soft, you know, and he means everything he says. Alex isn’t like anyone I’ve ever met. So I decided to just go for it, ask him out, admit how I feel.”

Alex stroked a hand through Willie’s hair, eyes fixed on him. “Since then we’ve never looked back. And we never will.”

“Oh, my darling!” Willie exclaimed, throwing themself at Alex and pressing a kiss to his lips.

It certainly wasn’t how Alex had envisioned his first kiss with Willie going (and he had envisioned a great many different versions of it) but in a strange way it felt just right. Sure, they weren’t dating, but they were hanging out together, having fun, being in each other’s company and loving every second of it. Maybe the circumstances weren’t exactly what Alex wanted, but the love they held for one another was still there, nothing could take that away.

So maybe it wasn’t the best decision he’d ever made, but Alex let himself get lost in the kiss. He didn’t know how many times he’d get to do this in his life, so he figured it was better to make the most of it. He blocked out the fact that his friends were right there (a sure sign that he wasn’t thinking straight – absently he knew that he would be very embarrassed by this when it was all over) and just focused on Willie.

And he was sure he wasn’t imagining the fact that Willie seemed to be enjoying it just as much.

When Julie eventually cleared her throat again, they separated. But Alex couldn’t take his eyes off Willie. He knew he wasn’t imagining what he’d felt in that kiss – like sparks had flown between them, forcing their dynamic into something much more than friendly banter and an inside joke. Willie’s eyes were glassy and he was breathing heavily, scanning Alex’s face for something, though Alex didn’t know what. All he knew was that the kiss had pushed the boundaries they had spent all morning setting and if he wasn’t more careful he would lose himself to this silly little charade.

The five of them spent the rest of the afternoon and evening just talking to each other. Willie stayed firmly planted in Alex’s lap and they both used the occasional cutesy nickname for each other, but it seemed as if both of them had silently made the decision to tone things down a little bit. Luke seemed relieved about it at least – for all the heart eyes he made at Julie he certainly seemed uncomfortable at the affection Alex and Willie had shown. It was probably because Alex hardly ever showed love like that in front of people.

But god, he wanted to do it all again.

Luckily, it didn’t seem like any of their friends suspected Alex and Willie of lying to them. By the time they were all on their way home – Alex and Willie walking away hand in hand – nobody had brought up the fact that it could all be fake.

“That went well,” Willie said as they walked along the seafront, heading back to his place. The cold night breeze lifted their hair and Alex couldn’t keep his eyes off them, not when they were looking so beautiful.

“Yeah,” he said, watching the way the amber glow of the streetlamps danced in Willie’s eyes. “It did.”

“Have you thought about how long we’re going to do this for?” Willie asked. Alex was sure he heard nervousness in Willie’s tone, maybe mingled with hope.

He shrugged. “A few weeks maybe. Unless you had something else in mind.”

“No, no, that’s fine, man.” They had arrived at Willie’s apartment building and stopped just outside of it. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah,” Alex said, smiling smally. “See you tomorrow.”

He didn’t know what he was thinking – he had expected a goodnight kiss from Willie, but instead he was left alone in the cold as Willie let go of his hand and hurried into the building. Alex was suddenly reminded again that it was all fake, that he shouldn’t have expected kisses when they were alone.

It hurt though. He knew that kiss earlier had been more than just top-notch acting.

He fell asleep that night, still thinking about it, the memory replaying on a loop in his mind. In one way or another, Willie was going to drive him crazy.

*

The next two weeks flew by. Alex found himself hanging out just with Willie more and more often, playing Mario Kart together at Willie’s insistence, going on more dates that weren’t actually dates, or even just video-chatting each other while doing their own separate things to enjoy the company.

After that first day as a “couple”, Alex was sure Willie’s confidence had been knocked. For the next few days they withdrew himself from Alex and Alex didn’t know if he’d done something wrong or if it was just something on Willie’s mind. Still, he let Willie work through it, and a few days later he was back to normal, clinging to Alex like a barnacle to a ship, calling him every pet name under the sun.

And still their friends were none the wiser.

The end of their time as a couple came all too quickly. Alex walked Willie back to his apartment again, a heaviness in his heart. He didn’t know how an actual breakup felt, but he was willing to bet that a breakup would be less painful than whatever this was. No part of him wanted to give this up, whatever silly little thing was going on between him and Willie – it was fun, it was freeing, it gave Alex a light feeling in his chest and made him so happy he thought he might burst at any moment. He didn’t want to give any of it up.

But still he walked Willie to his door.

They stood facing each other, hands interlinked between them, sad smiles on each of their faces. Alex tried to memorise every detail on Willie’s face as if it was the last time he would see them.

“This has been fun,” he said eventually, his voice low, quiet in the night air.

“You can say that again,” Willie agreed. “I loved being your boyfriend.”

“I loved being your boyfriend.”

Something flickered in Willie’s eyes, an expression gone too quickly for Alex to name, but it was quickly forgotten because a moment later Willie stood up on his tiptoes and kissed Alex.

It wasn’t like any of the other kisses they had shared in the past few weeks. There was nothing over-the-top and exaggerated about it, it wasn’t just a stunt they pulled to fool their friends. It was slow and soft and Alex felt the rest of his body go fuzzy and numb as all he could concentrate on was Willie’s lips on his.

An eternity later, Willie pulled away, his eyes scanning Alex’s face.

Alex swallowed heavily and said, “I thought we could only kiss each other to prove a point.”

Willie nodded. “Did I not get my point across very well? Do I need to kiss you again?”

Alex almost laughed but something stopped him. “Just… just explain it to me first. So I don’t get the wrong idea.”

“I loved being your boyfriend,” Willie said. “You enjoyed being my boyfriend. So… why should we stop?”

Alex felt his head spin. Somehow the nightmare he’d created for himself all those weeks ago was turning into a dream come true.

“You mean that?” he asked. “Tell me you mean that, Willie, please.”

“I mean it,” Willie said resolutely. “I’ve felt this way about you for too long just to let it go. If you want me then I want you. I want to date you, Alex. For real.”

Alex kissed him again, short but sweet.

“Is that a yes?” Willie asked, giggling.

“There’s no other answer I could have ever given.”

Even though they remained boyfriends (real ones this time), Alex and Willie decided to drop the over-the-top, lovey-dovey stuff. It was fun, but it wasn’t them. Instead, they chose to fill every second together with quiet declarations of love, casual dates, soft kisses, nothing that wasn’t real.

But they never did tell Luke, Reggie, and Julie how much of it had been fake.

*

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