#(but heck if I could ever recommend it to people)

[sunkentowers]

So I have a Young Wizards (Diane Duane) reread scheduled as... soon, since I know details have been escaping me. Not to mention that there are parts of newer books that just... Don't Exist in memory due to tired binge reading periods.

But I do know that there was a time when I was conflating parts of A Wizard's Dilemma with Diana Wynne Jone's Deep Secret.

[jhdyuiee]

die with a smile

༯ pairing: soloist!jaehyun x fem!reader

༯ tags/warnings: angst, fluff, smut!, protected sex (reader is on pill), multiple positions & orgasms, kissing/making out, nipple/breast play, oral (f&m receiving), spanking, marking, hair pulling, name calling (good girl), pet names (my love, darling, baby), memory loss, minor drinking, cursing, stranger-to-lovers-to-strangers, car accident/crash, indication of blood, hidden relationship

༯ w.c: 14.3k!

༯ a.n: hi! i’m backs woohoo. this one came to me through hearing bruno mars & lady gaga’s new song “die with a smile” & with the great help of one of my mutals we made it possible! i’m not gonna lie this one was hard because i felt like in order to make it sad enough i had to put myself in that position. nonetheless i hope u all enjoy this one, probably one of my favorite writes. thank u for too for the continuous love and support, i love u all, take care, and stay safe! jiji out 🤍

༯ taglist! @dokyriu 🤍

you hummed the song playing overhead the store speakers as you stood behind the counter, waiting. for the most part, the store was empty, only garnering around 10 people since opening time. you quickly grew bored again, deciding to walk around the store. you fixed some records that were outta place, organized the booth where customers could listen to the records— heck you even swept the place. as you swept the door chimed, a customer. “hello! welcome, please feel free to browse around,” you put on your best employee voice and smile. the individual however didn’t respond, in fact he looked rather suspicious.

he was a tall man, with a black hoodie, face mask, cap, baggy jeans, and some—unusual–shoes. your eyes lingered on him a while longer while he sported straight to the indie records. however your curiosity soon died down, when you remembered you were still on the job.

as you went back to the register, you noticed the man walking towards you. he had a record in hand, you couldn’t make it out just yet until he stood just a couple inches apart. “would this be all?” you asked as he handed you the record.

cigarettes after sex, x’s

before he could even respond you bursted out in excitement. “wow! no way, you’re a fan too!?” if there was one thing about you, it was that you not only adored music in general, but a big fan of cigarettes after sex and their songs.

you kept looking at the man, watching as he brought his mask down. “yeah, i take it you’re one as well by the looks of it,” he says. you’re amazed, with his mask down you notice how attractive the once suspicious man was. not to mention his voice, it was a sweet melody of its own.

you nod shyly, “i’ve been a fan since like, ever.” a small smile touches his lips, “that’s impressive,” he says before taking a brief pause. you noticed as he observed you before asking, “you got any other recommendations?”

before you knew it, you quickly lost yourself in his question and the ones that followed. there wasn’t anything you loved more but to express your love for music, i mean after all this job was the whole reason you applied for it. being in a record store meant being surrounded by music, by your love and admiration. and if there was one thing you learned during your conversation with the man in front of you, it was that you two surprisingly had a lot in common. there were no words to explain how you felt, but you felt drawn to him. looking at it, you probably shouldn’t i mean you still didn’t even know his name!

a laugh came out of him as you blabbered about some crazy experience you had while attending a concert, until a phone started ringing. his phone. he reached for it from his back pocket where he excused himself to answer it.

you rang up his record, waiting for him to return so he could pay. when he did, he apologized for taking up so much of your time. “i-it’s alright, i was in need of a distraction,” you say as you look around the store. “it gets quite lonely here sometimes.”

he takes out a card from his wallet, tapping it on the card reader and when it reads it through, you hand him his record. “i had fun talking, i hope you have a gr-” you had started to bid him goodbye when he interrupted you.

“my names jaehyun. uhm, and if it’s alright can we- can we meet up again sometime?” he asks, noting as his ears turned red. how cute, you thought. also thinking how this was only supposed to be a one-time interaction. however you mind was already set even before you could tell what he was trying to say.

“of course, how about i give you my number so we can keep in touch?” you then proceed to ask. jaehyun nods his head, retrieving his phone and then handing it to you. he looks at you as you typed your number onto his phone, writing your name in the contact.

“my names y/n, y/l/n by the way. i’ll look forward to your call, or message.” jaehyun smiled, putting his phone away and grabbing the record. “i’ll see you then, y/n.”

your heart skipped, at either hearing him say your name or at his dimpled-smile he gave you as he walked out of the store. your eyes lingering on him as he disappeared.

“jaehyun,” you mumble to yourself. his name sounds a bit familiar, but no matter how long you searched you’d neve be able to find out why.

and when you finished your shift, grabbing your stuff from the employee lockers, you looked at your phone. one particular notification capturing you attention, and making your heart skip another beat.

unknown: how does this weekend sound?

you smiled, remembering him again. his smile, his voice, his everything. quickly saving his number, you then replied.

you: it sounds perfect

you: guess i’ll see you this weekend, jaehyun :)

walking out of the store and to your home, you couldn’t help but recount your interaction with him, smiling like a child. oblivious to the change that was about to come into your life.

you sighed, tossing another piece of clothing onto your bed. jaehyun was supposed to come pick you up in a couple of hours and you still couldn’t decide what to wear. you didn’t even know where he was taking you, he refused to tell you. this makes picking out an outfit for a date- wait a moment… was it a date?

you paused to think. he never explicitly said it was, you just sort of assumed it was. oh great… what if this wasn’t even a date and you’re over here trying to dress to the nines.

“ah fuck it,” you curse as you just grab an outfit you’d previously tossed onto your bed. i mean this would be fine right? it wasn’t a date, just two acquaintances meeting up to spark some friendship?

as you did your finishing touches, you glance over at your phone which had just begun to ring. you looked at the caller id, a smile plastered on your face.

“hello?” you hear the deep-dreamy–voice that you couldn’t get out of your head, on the other line.

a beat passes before you realize you have yet to answer. “h-hi!” you stumbled on your words and voice slightly too loud. though you couldn’t see it, your face felt hot with embarrassment.

on the other line a slight chuckle erupts from their throat. “everything alright? you’re not gonna cancel on me are you?” he asks.

“y-yes, sorry about that… just nervous,” you mutter the last words. “that’s a relief then since i’m already outside your home,” he responds.

you felt yourself slightly freeze. jaehyun was outside your home, like right now. when the thought registers in your mind, you quickly fumble, grabbing everything you needed before heading out.

“i’m going out right now,” you say, voice slightly panting at the speed you’re going. something within you didn’t even want to spend a second apart from him, a part of you needed to be in his company again. you couldn’t explain these indescribable feelings, however they didn’t bother you either.

as you make your way outside, you notice a black car parked in front of your home. soon after jaehyun comes out in all his glory. unlike the first time you saw him, he wore a white long-sleeved shirt, green cargo pants, and black shoes. nothing suspicious to the man.

“hey,” he says smiling so hard his dimples pop out. really, really cute, you thought. you fidget your hands before responding with a simple, “hi.”

the atmosphere felt a little awkward, but not uncomfortable. in a way it truly seemed like a date of a newly formed couple. however you squashed such thoughts; it’s not a date and you’re not a couple, you repeated in your head.

“shall we?” jaehyun asks, opening the passenger door. you nod before heading inside. after shutting the door, he makes his way to the driver’s side and begins to drive. plus points for being quite the gentleman, you thought.

the car was silent throughout the ride. in truth, this silence was killing you so you decided to speak up. “you’re not taking me to some place to murder me right?” you light-heartedly joked. you’d hoped it really is just a joke. jaehyun sighed, “you caught me.” you smiled, “well ain’t that too bad, you’ll have to postpone it for another day.”

“are you saying you’ll say yes if i ask to take you out again?” jaehyun says. it was a good thing you had your face to the window because you could’ve sworn your cheeks were pink.

“depends on how today will go,” you respond later. “speaking of which, you still won’t tell me where we’re going right?” you ask, finally gaining the courage to glance at him. to your surprise his eyes were already on yours. that darn red light, you cursed inside your head. a small smile appears on his face, “hm, nope.” he pops the word out as if to tease you.

“you’ll find out soon either way, we’re almost there,” he says, hitting the road again when the light turns green. the chatter between you two doesn’t die down, talking about just anything in the time it takes to arrive at the mysterious location.

looking out you recognized where this was. “a m-movie theater?” you questioned. i mean there was nothing wrong with it but it was definitely not at the top of your list of potential spots.

“i hope you like movies,” he says, unbuckling his seatbelt as he gets ready to get out of the car. following suit, you unbuckle your seatbelt and head out. the theater was quite empty as there weren’t many cars parked. when the two of your began walking you spoke up, “what movie are we watching?”

he faintly smiles, “it’s a surprise.” god, him and his surprises. “you know i think i might be the one to murder you first,” you say, earning you a genuine laugh out of the man. a smile touches your own face at the sound of his laughter, your heart too feeling warm.

you follow him, side-by-side, as you two enter the theater. you watched as jaehyun whips his phone out to present the tickets to the employee up front. when you two made it through he stops to ask, “want anything?” you ponder for a minute, “i guess some popcorn and a drink would be nice.” jaehyun nods before heading off to get the things you asked for. in the meantime, you fished out your wallet.

when he came back with one popcorn, two drinks, and some candy in hand you asked, “how much was it?” you’re not sure if he didn’t hear you or he chose to ignore you, but he began walking to the direction of the theater where the movie was going to be shown.

when you attempt to help him with the drinks, your fingers graze his. in just that small contact you could still feel the burning warmth of him spread throughout you. and of course being the gentleman he was he opened the theater door for you. “t-thank you,” you shyly thanked jaehyun as you stepped into the theater. you briefly waited for him to go inside before you followed him to your seats. located smack dab in the middle was how you found yourself. however curiosity still returned to you, what movie could th- wait, wait, wait.

you glance at jaehyun, only one popcorn. one popcorn and two people. oh god... “u-um, i-is that for the two of us to share?” you asked, hoping it doesn’t rub off the wrong way. “y-yeah, is that alright? i figured this would be most convenient,” jaehyun responded, you noted the slight stumble at the beginning. jaehyun has never once stumbled on his words.

you sink into your seat, god this was making it harder to not think it’s not a date. fortunately, you didn’t have any more time to worry about things as the movie soon started.

a tragic romance.

beautiful was an understatement for the film. you balled your eyes nearly the whole film. two lovers, madly in love until one dies. it might’ve seemed cliche but it was so beautifully written and executed that none of that mattered.

“wherever you go, that’s where i’ll follow.”

the last line the female lead mutters as she places a singular white flower on her lover's grave.

when the ending credits roll around and the lights turn on you suddenly remember you weren’t alone, jaehyun. you whip your head to your side, there he was. he turns his head a moment later. “i’m guessing you enjoyed it by the tears on your face.”

fuck, you forgot to wipe my tears away. you quickly get up from your seat, wiping the tears away talking to jaehyun as he walks behind you. “th-that’s n-not f-fair,” you stuttered on your words as the crying made you unable to talk. “what’s not fair?” he says in a playful tone. “t-taking me to watch a sad romance movie!” you slightly raise your voice as you turn around to face the man who caused these tears.

however your breath was caught. jaehyun only stood a few inches away from you. your eyes widened, face feeling hotter as he inches just a bit closer. you stood there frozen as jaehyun leaned down to your ear. “if i apologize, will you still agree to see me again?” he whispers. jaehyun’s hot breath burning your ear. you could’ve sworn your hearts thumping could be heard throughout the theater.

“we-well th-that’s not- you don’t need to do that… i was just kidding,” you say, your last words sounding more breathless. why, why, why… why were you feeling this way, feeling this way about jaehyun nonetheless?

“that’s a relief then,” jaehyun responds, moving from his spot in front of you to walk outside the movie theater. you stood there for a moment or two later before you rushed to his side again. the burn in your ear neverending.

on the ride back home the car was silent. you were too afraid to speak up, trying to gather your feelings. and before you knew it, you both were outside your home. yet before you could open the door to get out, jaehyun stops you with a call to your name. you turn around, eyes on his. “y-yes?” fuck, the constant stuttering was starting to piss you off. “so what’s your answer, will you go on another date with me?” he asks, so smoothly and calmly it shocks you.

d-date!? wait, so this actually was a date… “uh, uhm, this was a date?” you stupidly asked. jaehyun nods his head, “yes, at least that’s what i thought.”

“i- i tried telling myself it wasn’t…” you admit. “ah, it seems i should’ve made it clear. y/n, i asked you out on a date and i hope you would be open to going on another one with me,” he says so kindly it melts your heart.

god, you’re a fool for him. god, you li…

“i will, i’ll go on as many dates with you until you get tired,” you replied. jaehyun’s dimples popped out when he smiled widely, “you’ll probably be the one who gets tired of me first.” you too are smiling, “well then i hope neither of us ends up tired.”

“i hope so too,” jaehyun says, noting as he brings his hand to the back of your head. with his thumb he caresses your cheek, smiling at you so sweet like a lover does to their most beloved. it stayed like that for a good while before you snapped out of it. he wasn’t your lover… not yet.

“well then, i’ll see you next time. i’ll look forward to where you’ll take me next, just make sure i don’t cry again,” you start bidding him farewell. he retracts his arm, “i’ll keep that in mind. take care y/n,” jaehyun says.

opening the door you get out of the car, but before you leave you decide to give jaehyun a final farewell. “the date was actually really beautiful, i enjoyed it a lot. well then, drive back safely jaehyun,” you said smiling when you see his surprised face. you shut the door however, not letting him get a word in.

walking to the apartment complex’s door, you’re about to open it when you decide to take one final look. jaehyun’s car, unmoved. a small smile taints your face when you use one arm to wave goodbye. you were sure he must’ve seen, though you wished you would’ve seen his reaction.

on the way to your apartment, thoughts of jaehyun and your date today wouldn’t go away. it was the only thing you could think about and the only thing you could look forward to. you missed jaehyun already. it was thoughts like this and others that you finally were able to confirm.

you like jaehyun. The same man you met just a few days ago. no, you’ve been liking him since that day. you weren’t one to believe in that cliche, love-at-first-sight, but that day everything changed. jaehyun was able to do that, bringing you change.

every skip of your heart, every smile, laugh, tear, stutter; everything was a clear indication of your feelings towards jaehyun. and now that you’ve discovered this, you wanted more. you wanted to make jaehyun fall in love with you as well. it doesn’t matter how many dates you’ll have to go on, as long as he’s by your side that’s all that matters.

jaehyun, the man you like- no, love.

it took about a little over a month for you to quickly regret ever liking jaehyun, much less loving the man. thus you’ve spent the day ignoring his calls and messages, your upset and furry being in control for the day.

this all happened yesterday when he took you to the aquarium. there was nothing unusual about this date, well minus the part where he wore a mask and a cap. that was actually the first red flag.

the date was going good, great, superb. however when you were coming back from using the restroom you noticed two girls surrounding jaehyun. you watched as they excitedly talked to the man you were in the middle of date with. from the looks of it they were taking pictures with him before asking for his autograph. ok, red flag two.

a bit more chatter later before they excused themselves, noting the way jaehyun quickly brings up his mask and lowers his cap a little lower. this was your cue to go to him. though when you arrived he acted like nothing had just happened. ok… red flag 3?

fortunately, but unfortunately, the date continued as normal. the two of you exploring the aquarium, looking at the various species of fishes, going under the water bridge, touching stingray, everything.

you even thought maybe he would’ve brought something up on the car ride, but no, nothing. it wasn’t until after you finally reached your home that you decided to take matters into your own hands.

it truly was fascinating just how handy, dandy the internet was. a quick search to the name, jaehyun, and you were presented with just about every fact about the man you’d been seeing.

his name is jeong jaehyun, the same man you love, a celebrity. not just any, a soloist whose album had just come out a month prior to your first meeting with him. the more you scrolled, the more baffled you became because you had to find out his birthday, age, and everything else through the goddamn internet. not through jaehyun, the thought made you sad.

were you not trustworthy? why would he keep such a secret for you so long? was it intentional, or not?

you realized just how different you’re lives were. you a record store employee, he a global star who everyone had their eyes on. it was surprising how no one had discovered the two of you until now. heck, you didn’t even know either. then it clicked, you remembered why his name sounded so familiar. you recounted how some girls just a couple days before your meeting with him were mentioning his name, jaehyun.

and as you laid in bed last night, you couldn’t stop your brain from wandering, presenting various scenarios. what are you gonna do now? continue whatever you two had? end things?

you felt your heart ache a little, since a part deep down inside you didn’t want that. you selfishly still desired the man the world watched, you selfishly loved the man, the star they called jeong jaehyun.

as you continued recounting the events of last night, your doorbell rang. you got up, you weren’t really expecting anyone. however you still went to open it, only to be met with the one person you didn’t want to see.

as you tried shutting the door, you heard his hand bang against the door, stopping it from closing. this man is strong, you thought. succeeding in opening the door again, jaehyun steps in. the more he stepped in, the more steps you took back. neither of you said a word to each other until you almost stumbled. jaehyun quickly reaches for you, stopping you from falling.

what was this? a k-drama? you thought, shooing his arm that was around your waist away. you refused to talk first, so jaehyun did. “is everything alright? you weren’t answering my calls or texts so i thought i’d come over to check if you were still alive,” he says looking straight at you.

you decided it was best to be frank with him, no need to beat around the bush. “i don't know jeong jaehyun, you tell me.”

you note his eyes widen, his lips slightly parting when you said his name. “i- wh- jeong jaehyun?” he says as he stumbles on his words. you roll your eyes, was he really acting dumb right now, you thought.

“yes! you, jeong jaehyun! mr. singer!” you say, practically yelling everything. his mouth opens as if to say something before he shuts it back up again. this was infuriating you, he was infuriating you.

“h- how did you find out?” he decides to ask. “yesterday,” you replied, followed by the recounting of events you saw at aquarium.

“i- i see,” he just says as he turns his head to the floor. “were you planning to keep this from me?” you ask, biting on your lip.

he looks back up, “n-no! no- that wasn’t what i was trying to do.” he gets closer, and when you don’t move back he continues. “that was never my intention, i was going to tell you… though i never found the right opportunity to.”

his face turned soft, almost as if he were pleading with you to believe him. “it’s the truth y/n… please believe me. you know i would never lie to you, you know how hard i’ve been trying to get to know you, to spend time with you.”

“i- i believe you jaehyun but,” you start to say before you pause to find the right words. “you’re a star jaehyun, you and i both know this will not work out. i don’t want to ruin your reputation, your dream you’ve worked so hard to reach.” you felt your eyes begin to blur but you push the tears back. not right now, not in front of him, you thought.

he takes his hands and places them on your cheeks. “n- no y/n, my love… this is why i didn’t want to tell you, i didn’t want this. i didn’t want you like this, i could care less what the world would think about us. all that would matter in the end are my feelings for y-” he stops himself.

my love? my feeling for…? no, you’re lying. this has to be a dream right?

“fuck,” he curses lowly, taking one hand to rub his face. “pretend you didn’t hear that last part, i don’t want to tell you that to you just yet. could you wait a little longer for that?”

you slowly nod your head, “are you sure things would work out? between us?” you question, needing more reassurance before it’s too late to go back. jaehyun looks at you, taking your body into his. he wraps his arms around you, you fit perfectly around him. both of you feeling pleasant with each other's bodies, so warm, so perfect.

“it’ll be more than alright, i’ll make sure of it,” jaehyun says in a tone so reassuring that your worries are instantly washed away in an instant, long forgotten.

you two stay like that for a while, the time seeming to slow down. it was just so warm and comfortable that neither of you wanted to pull away. it was like you two were engulfed in your own worlds. that was until a phone started ringing, causing the warmth to leave you both. jaehyun let’s go of you, just clinging onto your hand as he reaches for his phone.

“it’s my manager,” he whispers. “yo-you should answer it then, i’ll go sit down,” you say but he tells you, it’s fine. you hear a male on the other line, and you were only able to hear him because of how loud he was screaming into jaehyun’s ear. from the looks of it, it seems he was scolding jaehyun for not being at his home so he could pick him up for a schedule.

you glance at jaehyun, the man drove all the way to see you despite having such a busy schedule. the action warmed your heart. you unconsciously, but consciously inched forward, tippy-toeing and placing a kiss on his cheek. the sudden action causing jaehyun to freeze mid-sentence.

“i-i’ll be there soon, bye,” he says, not bothering to wait for his manager to respond before he hangs up. “w-what was that for?” he asks, touching the place where your lips touched. you suddenly felt your face getting warm with embarrassment.

and when you didn’t say anything, jaehyun just smiled, this time he inched towards you. you close your eyes, only to feel his lips touch your forehead. you flutter them open, bringing your hand to touch where his lips touched. however before you could say anything, he started walking to your door.

“our next date, friday. i’ll see you then,” he says, leaving before you could even bid him goodbye. and when the door shuts, your legs give in, falling to the floor. you kissed him, he kissed you. oh god, this has to be a dream!

now than ever before you were wishing a day came sooner. friday. the day your dreams and wishes came true.

friday. the long awaited day. you stood outside your apartment complex, waiting for his car to arrive. this time you were the early one.

you were just too excited for today, too nervous to fall asleep last night. as you thought of the possibilities of today, you notice his car pulling up. a smile spreads across your face.

you begin walking as jaehyun gets out of his car. “you’re early,” jaehyun comments. “and you’re late,” you replied back even though there were still a couple minutes left until your official meet up time.

jaehyun smiles, as his eyes begin to wander your body. noting the way his eyes looked at you, up and down, down and up. and noting the way his tongue darts out to lick his lips, like a predator looking down on its prey.

“you look gorgeous today,” he comments when his lustful state leaves him. unlike the other dates, you dressed fancier as jaehyun recommended you to. so you’re wearing a long white, spaghetti strap silk dress. your heels hidden underneath. not to mention your make-up and hair were also top notch today.

“thank you,” you shyly said, pink adorning your cheeks. “you look handsome as well.” on the other hand, jaehyun abandoned the baggy jeans for some black dress pants and a designer top. his outfit eliciting obscene thoughts to run through your head. god, what if you were the predator…

“thank you, are you ready to go now? i don’t know how much longer i could wait,” he says as he holds your hand to drag you to the passenger seat of his car. “well, i can’t wait either,” you reply, smiling as you sit down.

as he begins to drive, you, like you’ve always done, ask him where he was taking you. however just like the first date, he is insistent on keeping it a surprise, and you know he won’t budge one bit. changing the topic, you ask jaehyun on how his week has gone. in which he talks about a photoshoot he had the other day for a well-known magazine. “i’ll make sure to buy your magazine,” you tease. “oh god, no, no… they’re not very… friendly,” he says as he tries looking for the right word.

you raise a brow at his comment, inquiring him more but he just tells you, “you’ll see.” before you knew it you’d arrived at the date destination. “where are we?” you ask as you look out the window. you were at a house, a big two-story house.

“my home,” he says, getting out of the car. his home?! you thought. “why are we here?” you ask, taking the hand he offered you. “on a date of course,” jaehyun says enthusiastically. “wh-what do you mean?”

“you’ll see,” jaehyun said, smirking as he began to drag you into his home. you very briefly take a look around his home. the vibe befitting of jaehyun, his home almost feeling like your home. you then crash into a hard wall, causing you to wince. however it wasn’t a wall, it was jaehyun’s back. “s-sorry!” you apologized, you were too distracted looking around his home that you didn’t notice he had come to a halt.

he turns around, no distance separating you two. “close your eyes,” he whispers. you obliged, closing them shut. your ears helped map out what was happening. you hear his footsteps going behind you until you feel his hands on both your shoulders. “i got you,” he whispers into your ear, his hot breath distributing throughout your body. jaehyun helps you walk forward, stopping you and you feel his hands disappear, his footsteps getting further away.

you call him, “j-jaehyun?”

“open your eyes, my love,” you hear him yell.

you begin to open your eyes slowly, your breath stopping as you take in the view in front of you. dimly lit lights scattered around the middle of his yard, with cushions and a small table in the middle with all sorts of foods and beverages. to others it might’ve seemed simple, but to you it meant everything.

you descend the steps until your feet touch the grass. no wonder he asked me to dress nicely, you thought. when you reach jaehyun, he takes your hand to walk you to your seat. you sit down on your cushion, watching as jaehyun walks to his.

“so, do you like it?” jaehyun says, a hint of nervousness evident in his tone. “like it? i love it!” you replied excitedly. jaehyun lets out a relieved sigh, his hand going on top of yours as his thumb caresses it gently. “that’s a relief, i spent all day trying to perfect it,” he says. you smile, “you did an excellent job, jae.”

“j-jae?” he asks. you nod, “you’re nickname, you don’t like it?” “n-no! i do, just caught me by surprise is all,” he continues as he smiles widely. “want something to drink?” he then asks. when you nod he then asks, “would you like some wine, or something else?”

“hmm, i’ll take you up on the wine,” you respond. his hand lets go of yours, to get the wine as he tries to open it and pour it in both glasses. “cheers,” you raise your glass, clinking with jaehyun’s. the taste of the wine was smooth, you liked it.

as you two continued downing the wine, the talk continued. making each other laugh and smile, enjoying each other's company. “are you hungry?” he asks mid-conversation. “a little,” you reply. “i got us some take out from this italian restaurant, i hope you like it,” he says as he serves you the food.

you take a bite of the pasta, moaning in delight. “it’s delicious,” you say, stuffing yourself in more pasta. jaehyun smiles, watching you enjoy yourself with the food. just looking at you made him full. however the noises you were making… that elicited explicit images across his mind. he felt his pants tighten.

“jaehyun?” you call out for him when he seems to zone out. “y-yes,” he says, coughing. “are you not going to eat?” you ask as you note he doesn’t have food on his plate. he shakes his head, “too nervous to eat, help yourself.”

oh and you do, the food being the most delicious italian food you’d ever tried. when no more could be eaten, jaehyun takes your hand again. “can you follow me for a moment,” he asks, almost hesitant and nervous. “yes, of course.”

both of you get up, hand in hand as you follow him. you walk a couple of steps before he stops. turning to face you, he grabs both your hands. now you’re nervous.

“y/n,” he calls your name, softly. “yes, jae?” the anticipation killing you. he squeezes your hands, “i love you.” your heart stops.

“i’ve loved you since the first time we met. and every moment we’ve spent since then has been the greatest gift to my life, you are my greatest gift. there isn’t a moment where i don’t think about you, desire you, love you. it’s gotten to the point where i can’t handle it anymore,” jaehyun confesses.

you’re at a loss of words, speechless at the words coming out of his mouth. your vision blurs, “i-i love you too,” you weakly say as tears begin streaming down your face. he lets go of your hands to bring his to wipe your tears away. his heart melts at the sight, you’re just too beautiful, too perfect for him. how could he ever let you go?

“y/n… wherever you go, that’s where i’ll follow. i’ma love you every night like it’s the last night. if the world was ending, i’d wanna be next to you. and if our time on earth was through, i’d wanna hold you for a while, and die with a smile.”

his words only made you cry all the more. you lunged on him, arms wrapping around him as you cried. he whispers to you so gently, so softly, “my love, will you be my girlfriend?”

you clutched him tighter, “yes! i’ll be your girlfriend, i’ll be your everything and anything. just as you’ve helped me, i want to do the same for you. i love you, i love you jaehyun.”

jaehyun too hugged you tighter, “i love you more, and i promise to protect you from  now on… i’ll shield you from those who hurt you.” he lets go to get ahold of your face, cupping it. “after all my love, you’re the woman i fell for.”

you melt at his words, tippy-toeing on your feet as you wrap your arms around his neck. you didn’t need to think twice before your lips found themselves on his. what was supposed to just be a delicate and gentle kiss evolved into something deeper, intense, and passionate.

jaehyun’s hands held you as if to not let go. his lips molding into yours so perfectly, you’ve never felt this way about a kiss before. however before it could get even more heated, he departs. both of you panting, eyes lustful, hungry.

“let’s go inside,” jaehyun says breathlessly, picking you up so easily. your legs wrapping around his waist as he carried you inside and onto the second floor.

⋆⁺✧˚ · .₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆₊˚ෆ

in a blink of an eye, you’d made it into jaehyun's room and onto his bed with your dress, heels, panties, and bra scattered somewhere inside. you two, too eager, began tearing each other's clothes off, craving for one another.

his hands couldn’t resist your curves, your soft skin. “you’re even more beautiful underneath,” jaehyun comments as he traces random patterns on your stomach. your legs closed, but your cunt needy. “you gonna be a good girl and let me touch you?” he asks in a low, deep voice. his hands coming to your knees, his lips kissing your legs.

“open up for me, my love,” he says as he looks up at you whilst he kisses your leg. this was so hot, you couldn’t resist. you slowly open your legs, your aching cunt coming into full display. you watch as jaehyun’s eyes get darker, something washing over him. he tugs on your thighs, pulling you closer. your breath hitched as you felt his fingers ghost around your pussy, you clenched around nothing.

“p-please,” you whimper, not being able to take this any longer. jaehyun’s eyes landing on you, “please what darling?” he asks as if to test you. “yo-your fingers… please put them… in-inside,” you shyly asked, pleading to feel him finally touch you where you most needed it.

jaehyun smirks, finding you so fucking adorable as you begged him to practically finger-fuck you. he reaches over, smashing his lips onto yours. you tasted so delicious, already becoming so addicted to you. however you had no time to focus on the kiss as you felt his fingers teasingly stroke your pussy. you moan into his mouth when his thumb rubbed on your clit.

his lips leave yours, making their way down. biting, sucking, kissing, and licking all the way from your jaw to the valley of your breast. trailing his lips to one of your tits, he sucks around your nipple, tongue flickering as he bites down. it wasn’t until he marked your tit up before he moved to the other one, repeating his actions. all the while you tried to keep your voice down by biting roughly onto your bottom lip.

“it’s alright darling, let your voice out. there ain’t no one here besides you and me, and you best believe i wanna hear my name coming out of that sweet mouth of yours,” he says before departing from your tit with a pop. satisfied seeing the marks on your tits, he moves his head to where his fingers continue to tease you.

he watches your face twist when his fingers finally enter you. two digits, inside you fitting so snug around your gummy walls. “well would you look at that,” jaehyun groans, taking his fingers out. “look at how wet you are just from some kissing and tit sucking.” you watch him, eyes-on-eyes, as he brings those two fingers to his mouth. he eats your essence off his fingers, groaning in satisfaction at your taste.

“you taste so sweet, so delicious i could eat you all night- no, all my life long.” once he feels he’s gotten every drop of you off his fingers he shoves them back inside you. the sudden intrusion, shocking you that you arch your back. he scissors his fingers inside you, trying to open your tight cunt up but to no use. you still clench around his fingers, the pleasure fulfilling. he reaches you so deep as he fucks his fingers into you, trying to learn and find your pleasure points. you became a map, one he must find his way around in order to find the prized treasure.

“s-so deep!” you yell out when you feel his fingers grasp at your g-spot. he’s got you now, increasing his pace as he continues hitting that spot. your pussy’s squelching noises echoing throughout the room along with your moans. feeling yourself grow closer to coming, your walls clench around his fingers that weren’t stopping their ruthless fucking. adding his other thumb into the mix, he shoved it into your mouth. “suck,” he says roughly and a bit impatiently.

your eyes look at him, as you sucked on his thumb and swirled your tongue around it. a low curse leaves his lips as he takes his thumb out of your mouth to bring it to your clit. using the wet thumb to freely rub against your clit, sometimes bringing his other finger into the mix so he could pinch the bud.

“f-fuck, y-yes! just- just like that j-jae, ye-yes baby~” you moan, the pleasure consuming you, so close to bringing you crumbling down.

“cum on my fingers my love, i know you could do it, i feel you,” jaehyun says, trying to get his words to send you tipping over the edge. and god does it work, you came hard around his hand, arching your back and rolling your eyes til you almost saw white. nonetheless jaehyun didn’t stop, continuing to fuck his fingers in knuckles deep into your pussy. the over-stimulation, erupting smaller orgasms from you.

“s-so good,” you breathlessly say when he finally stops. his fingers coming back to his mouth where he licked his fingers, swirling his tongue around. jaehyun truly couldn’t get enough of the taste of you. “you’re so good,” he says, bringing his lips onto yours again. you can faintly taste yourself on his lips as he kisses you. his tongue, wanting to enter in which you let it. heatedly kissing, you find yourself beginning to grind against his boxers. you feel the hard, thick cock against your wet cunt.

“w-want you,” you say in between the kiss. jaehyun halts, “me or my cock?” you stay quiet, not knowing what to say. “b-both,” you decide on truthfully answering. jaehyun smirks at this response, leaning back and getting off the bed. you sit up, watching the man as he takes his boxers off. your mouth falling slightly open, nearly drooling at the sight.

he was big, girthy, and aching. you note the residue of pre-cum coming out of his red tip. “don’t stare too much, it’ll be yours soon,” jaehyun says as he comes back onto the bed. your breath hitches when he’s only a couple inches away. he slides his cock between your folds, rubbing himself on you, gathering your juices around his cock.

“i forgot to buy condoms, so we’ll just need to do this for now-” jaehyun explains before you interrupt him. “i-it’s fi-fine! i-i’m on the pill,” you say, getting rather shy at the end.

“shit, i swear you're going to be the death of me,” jaehyun says before grabbing onto his cock. his tip almost enters you before he stops, “ready?” you nod, needing him to enter you now. jaehyun slowly pushes his tip inside, feeling as you tightly wrap around him. “re-relax a bit for me baby,” he softly says. however his words didn’t help, you couldn’t relax around his cock so he decided to distract you by kissing you once more. getting so engulfed in the kiss, you don’t worry and start loosening up, allowing his cock to slowly but surely enter you.

when he parts a string of saliva connects both your mouths. jaehyun looks at your cunt which has now swallowed him. “s-so hot, so tight, fuck,” he curses when he sees the bulge in your stomach. reaching to grab your hand so you could feel him. “fe-feel me? right here,” he says. your eyes widened, he was reaching you deep.

“i’m gonna start moving, hold on,” he warns you. you take up on his warning, wrapping your arms around his neck. he plants a kiss on your forehead before he slides out only to then slide back in. it starts off slow, getting adjusted to one another, testing the waters. however, you had other plans.

“f-faster… please jae, fuck me faster~”

this knocks every last bit of jaehyun’s self control, logic, gentleness, and everything sweet out the window. replaced with a rougher, uncontrollable jaehyun. lifting one of your legs over his shoulder, while the other is pressed down against your chest he starts pounding into you. in the way you begged him to, his cock reaching you even deeper than his fingers. you could almost feel yourself close to coming already. you clench tightly around his cock, jaehyun taking this as a signal you were close to coming.

“it’s al–fuck--alright my-my love, cum around my cock. let me feel you whither around me,” he moans as he feels you clench around him when he ruthlessly thrusts into you. the fucking was so intense, your mind became dazed. all you could think about was his cock, the way he looked down at you with those eyes of his.

“ev-ever since i saw you in th-that dress, i’d wanted to bend y-you over and devour you, my love,” jaehyun says. the slapping of his balls against your ass echoing the room, along with the moaning of both of you. he tightens his grip on your thigh, pulling you body closer, deeper. maneuvering his thumb back onto your clit he starts abusing the now swollen bud again, whispering praises. you felt his cock twitch as your orgasm came crashing out of you.

your body shuddering, gasping for air as you were completely spent. his cock still fucking into you, his hands no longer on your legs or clit but on your waist. gripping onto the flesh tightly, fucking your body onto his cock. your voice loud, moaning as he overstimulated you. he leaned down, capturing your lips as his cock twitched before releasing his warmth. your walls painted white, womb filling up with all of him.

thrusting slower into you now before slipping out. your pussy feeling empty, dripping with cum. jaehyun couldn’t get enough of the sight in front of him, he wanted more. he needed you once more, you needed him once more.

“one more round, please my love,” jaehyun grunts. your fucked state, making him hard again. “p-please,” you beg. he groans before taking your body to gently and swiftly flip you around, your stomach against the mattress. “up baby, on your hands and knees,” his low, deep voice commands.

you weakly do as he says, your body is practically like jelly. from behind, jaehyun feels your ass. he fondles it, loving the way it feels. slap. “ah-“ you shout in shock. the harsh slap against your ass, causing you to stumble forward.

“you like that? what a dirty girl,” jaehyun teases, feeling as his cock rubs against your slit again. his hands traveled to your hips, gripping them and slamming himself into your cunt. both of you letting out moans as you felt one another again. “still so tight for me, aren’t i luck?” you muttered back something incoherent, your brain scrambed as he fucks his cock into you faster, harder, intensely. he reached you so beautifully and effortlessly from behind.

you ached for more so you began throwing yourself back against him. jaehyun watches, stopping his thrusting to watch you cutely fuck back onto his cock. he curses himself, feeling his cock twitch, aching for its release.

you were oblivious to him not thrusting into you, finding yourself enthralled by the pleasure you were giving yourself. his cock, was made for you; he was made for you, the two of you made for one another. you continued for a while longer, turning your head behind to look at the man you love. your thrusting comes to a halt when you notice him just looking at you dangerously.

“wh-what?” you ask confused. drool escaping your lips, tears adorned your eyes. he leans in, “my baby so needy she doesn’t notice the show she’s been giving me,” he whispers before departing. his hands coming to slap your ass again on both sides. his action weakening your arms, you flop on the bed, your ass still sticking up. you hear a low, tsk, come out of his mouth before grabbing your arms, bringing them behind you. you’re lifted, he uses your arms to push you onto his cock.

jaehyun’s thrusting starts again, going insane whilst he also uses you to fuck agaisnt him. and with one brutal thrust of his cock inside you, you’re tipped over the edge. your third orgasm of the night exploding over you. you faintly hear jaehyun groan then curse in the background before he comes inside you once more, filling you all the more.

letting go of your arms, you instantly flop onto the bed. you’re spent, utterly fucked out of your mind. your body still trembling after all the aftermath of the mind-blowing sex you’d just had with jaehyun.

jaehyun too, collapsed onto your side. his arms wrapping around your body as he pulls you against him. he turns you to face him. using his hands to move the hairs stuck on your face. “good job baby, you did good,” he praises you. “i’ll clean you up in a bit, my love, just rest for now.” you feel his lips gently place a kiss on your forehead, fluttering your eyes shut. your breath calms, lulled into a deep sleep.

⋆⁺✧˚ · .₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆₊˚ෆ

you feel something hard pressing against your back. the feeling waking you up, the sun shining through the windows. you attempt getting up when you suddenly feel trapped by something heavy. you travel your eyes down to that something, an arm. you're confused for a brief moment before flashbacks of last night flow through your head. your face heating up, your cunt twitching.

in your attempt to lift jaehyun’s arm you feel the man stir behind you. “mmm, stay in bed for a while longer,” you hear him mumble against your ear. he sounded asleep, but his cock was not. his cock stood proudly against both your bodies. you feel his pre-cum wetting your back. this made your pussy ache, growing wetter. fuck. it only morning and you already want to get dicked down.

biting your lip, you hesitate whether or not to wake jaehyun up so he could help fulfill your desire. fuck it, you thought. using all your might, you get out of his embrace. turning him onto his back, you straddle him. the change in position, waking jaehyun up. he almost believes he’s still dreaming.

neither of you say a word, instead you crawl behind, in between his legs as you hold his cock. it felt rock hard in your hands, hot even. “fu-fuck,” jaehyun curses as you start jerking his cock. you watch his expressions carefully, eyes still on him as you lick up the tip. you dart your tongue around his tip, licking up his pre-cum.

your hands gripping the base, as you began taking him in slowly into your mouth. he was so big and girthy that you struggled in getting him fully inside your mouth, trying your hardest to breathe. you let out a moan around his cock when you feel his hand fist your hair. the moan sending pleasure throughout jaehyun’s body. your mouth was just as perfect as your sweet cunt.

you look up, eyes blurry with tears from taking his cock so deep. you kept your eyes on him as you continued bobbing your head, running your tongue along the shaft. his eyes close, throwing his head back. he fists your hair tighter, finding yourself enjoying it. your wet cunt dripping down your thighs. you increased your pace, hands working in tandem with your mouth as you continued bobbing your head. you felt him twitch inside your warm mouth. however, just as you thought you’d have him cum inside your mouth, he pulled your head back with the fisted hair he had around his hand.

you let out a whine, upset at the loss of having him cum inside your mouth. yet before he could say anything you hovered over his cock, rubbing his tip along your wet cunt. grabbing his cock, you begin sinking it inside you. the stretch feeling so good for both parties. neither of you getting accustomed to each other. your mouth falls open when you feel that he’s all inside, eyes wandering to his.

jaehyun was completely lost in the sight in front of him. the way he felt your sweet cunt felt around him was unbelievable. he grasps onto your hips, finger tips digging into your skin. he watches as you lift yourself up before slamming back down into him. jaehyun enjoyed watching his cock disappearing inside you, turning him on all the more.

“f-fuck, just like that,” jaehyun grunts. your hands on his chest, leaning forward as you throw your ass onto his cock, grinding your clit on him to get some stimulation. his hands travel to your ass, digging into the flesh before slapping one of your ass cheeks. then another, slap. slap. slap. the constant slapping of his hands on your ass could be heard around the room.

“keep riding my cock, my love,” jaehyun said, in a low sultry tone. igniting you, you continue. when he feels your pace falter, he helps you out. digging his fingers into your hips to dive you back on his cock. faster, faster; deeper, deeper.

a rough thrust or two later before you’re a trembling mess on top of him as your orgasm hits you. your lips attaching themselves onto his neck, lightly sucking on his skin. jaehyun still hasn't cum yet, spreading your ass as he dives into you roughly. his lips finding yours, moaning into your mouth when he finally came. his cock twitching inside you, making you feel all warm again.

“fuck, what a way to start the morning,” jaehyun says softly, pecking you on your temple. you giggle, “sorry, just can’t seem to get enough of you.” a chuckle erupted from his throat, “neither could i, it’s almost as if we’re made for one another.” to this you nod, resting yourself on his chest.

the two of you spending the day in bed together, not being able to keep your hands off each other. you two only get up to eat and use the bathroom. even showering didn’t stop him from taking you from behind. orgasm after orgasm, the two of you are completely inseparable. loving one another to the fullest.

“i love you so much my love,” jaehyun whispers when you two find yourselves collapsed on his bed again. you gently place a kiss on his lips, i love you so much more jae,” you muttered before falling asleep again in his warm embrace.

it’s been just over a week since you and jaehyun had officially started dating. not a single moment goes by where he doesn’t show his adoration for you, you two completely smitten with one another. he always makes time in his schedule for you, and you too try being considerate. after all, your boyfriend was a star, not just your star, but a world star.

today however was an important day, a day you and jaehyun have been dreading. the day you meet his manager. although jaehyun made sure to come clean to his company about your relationship with him, they insisted his manager meet up with you. jaehyun agreed under the condition he was there as well.

the date was set for today, so now you’re waiting on jaehyun’s couch for the two of them to come bursting in. the other day jaehyun had given you a key to his home so you could come inside whenever you wanted. your leg shook from nervousness, your mind wandering to stupid scenarios like him kicking you to the curb.

however you reassured yourself nothing of the sort was going to happen, after all they hadn’t told jaehyun he was to break-up with you the day he came clean to them. you take a deep breath in when you hear the door open. fuck. your stomach getting nervous, the food you’d aten wanting to make an appearance on jaehyun’s black fur rug.

you stand up just in time as jaehyun and a male besides him come walking in. he was slightly shorter than jaehyun, clad in casual clothes. “h-hello,” you nervously greet, bowing at the man.

“hello ms. l/n,” he greets you back. you're a bit puzzled at how he knew your last name. perhaps jaehyun told them, you thought as you tried shoving the useless thought aside. “no need to be so nervous my love,” jaehyun says, walking to your side. he’s oddly calm, sitting down. his manager takes a seat across from the two of you, you too take a seat besides jaehyun.

“i already said hello, but i have yet to introduce myself properly. hello, i’m jaehyun’s manager, lee dohwa,” his manager finally introduces himself. “nice to meet you mr. lee, i’m y/l/n,” you introduce yourself as well even if he already knew your name. “my girlfriend,” jaehyun adds, both you and his manager glare at him.

mr. lee clears his throat before speaking, “well it’s finally nice to meet you ms. l/n, your name has gone around the company quite a lot as of late.” you tense, growing nervous. “ah, no need to be so nervous. i’m not here to make you guys end things, nor is the company. we’re in understanding of the situation, jaehyun made that clear a few days ago when he told us,” his manager talks. you listen intently, nervousness washing away at the fact they really aren’t going to break you up from jaehyun.

“which led to the company asking jaehyun whether he wanted to go public, but the guy told us it was up to you to decide.” up for me to decide? you thought, turning to face jaehyun who just listened to the conversation. he looks up at you, bringing his hand to caress your cheek. “it’s true baby, it’s your word. if you want to go public, we’ll go public but if you don’t then we won’t,” he assures you. your heart melting at how much he cared for you, treasured you. it was a big decision to make, you thought long and hard about it. you tried finding pros and cons, eventually scrapping those off. you thought it’d be best to listen to what your heart wanted.

“i- i don’t want to go public,” you say with a bit of hesitation. you glance over at jaehyun to see his reaction only to find him smiling and mouthing, good job. “alright,” his manager says before continuing, “if that’s what you want, we’ll respect both your wishes. however you must still try and keep things under wraps and not get caught because then we’ll have no choice but to confirm the rumors.”

you nod, understanding the situation. “and if you ever change your mind, let jaehyun know and we’ll figure something out,” the manager clarifies. “got it, thank you so much mr. lee,” you sincerely thanked the man. he got up from his seat, “well, then since that’s out the way i have to get going.”

“leaving so soon?” you asked, following him as he walks to the door, jaehyun too follows. “yeah, i still gotta go back and report to the company. don’t worry jaehyun’s all yours for the day,” he says. you slightly blush at his comment, knowing what will happen once his manager leaves. as he grabs the doorknob he stops, turning back around. “ah, i almost forgot, could you get me water jaehyun?” he asks. jaehyun sighs, going back into his house to retrieve a water bottle for his manager.

in the meantime his manager takes the opportunity to get your contact information. “figured i’d ask you now that jaehyun isn’t around since i’d doubt he’d let you exchange information with me,” his manager explains as you type in your phone number. you hand him back his phone, “i’ll have you send me your email later too, the company will probably need it.” you nod as jaehyun comes back. he hands him the water bottle before he finally opens the door. mr. lee bids you both a final goodbye before leaving.

you close the door as jaehyun’s arms wrap around your waist. he tenderly kisses an exposed part of your neck. “what do you want to do now?” you ask. you feel him smile against your neck, “i know of a couple ways to spend the rest of the day, maybe even night.” god, this guy was going to drive you even more insane.

and so for the rest of the entire day you spent it with one another entangled, desiring one another. unable to let the other go, the two of you feeling at home.

“our love’s being the only war worth fighting for.”

10 months later.

d-day. the long awaited encore concert, jaehyun’s encore concert. after almost 10 months of touring the world, it’d finally come to an end today. it felt like it was just yesterday when his company announced he’d be touring. not to mention it was almost a month after you two started dating, that he would start his tour. as a consequence, you two refused to leave each other’s embrace, he devoured you whenever he could as he wouldn’t be able to see you for weeks on end. however you still encouraged him whenever you could, time difference being the only thing making things hard. at times it’d resort to the two of you having phone sex, you two truly were unable to live without the other.

nevertheless, whenever he’d be back, he would make time in his schedule to take you out on dates. the two of you putting up quite the disguise of face masks and caps every time. throughout the months you felt the relationship grow stronger with each passing day. you were the happiest you’d ever been and it was all because of jaehyun, your star.

today however finally marked the final of his tour and his manager encouraged you to come and watch again. you were hesitant at first, fearful of being found out. yet he had the genius idea of disguising you as staff. and so now here you were, entering the building with a staff badge hanging around your neck. you perfectly blended in, going unsuspected. mr. lee finds you, greeting you and walking you to where you were going to reside.

a vip lounge.

when you got there you noticed two familiar faces, jaehyun’s parents. you’d met them not too long after you met with his manager. they welcomed you so openly and warmly it almost made you cry. they treated you as if you were their own daughter.

“y/n!” his mother excitedly says your name when she sees you. you call for her too, being embraced into a hug. when you let go you bow to his father who stood beside his wife. “y/n, nice seeing you again,” he greets you. “you as well mr. jeong,” you politely greet.

“y/n,” jaehyun’s manager calls your name behind you, stopping the joyful reunion. “you’ll stay here, pose as staff and guide them backstage when the concert is concluded,” he explains. you nod, understanding the responsibility you now bear. he bids you three a goodbye before quickly exiting. being a manager sure it tuff, you thought.

“how are you!” jaehyun’s mother continues. and as you answer her the two of your converse into some deep conversations. the hour went by quickly while being in the company of his parents since before you knew it the lights turned off, fans screamed and stood up with their phones out, trying to get a glimpse of the star who was about to go onstage.

you watch intently, seeing him, your boyfriend, being lifted up stage. his presence radiating, illuminating, you almost didn’t wanna blink, afraid you’d miss even just a second of him. he starts singing, you hear as his fans sing along and wave their lightsticks. It warmed your heart, you secretly thanked them for supporting your beloved.

it wasn’t your first time seeing jaehyun in a concert, but you still couldn’t get over the fact that the stage seemed like jaehyun’s home. it was a place where he stood out so beautifully, belonged in. he made you so goddamn proud. and as you continued watching the concert, you found yourself singing along, yelling, and crying— you resembled a fangirl. you honestly didn’t mind, after all you were his number one fan.

as the concert was coming to a close, jaehyun was giving his ending ment. he continuously thanked everyone and everything. however that wasn’t what captured your attention, it was what he said last that not only captured yours but the fans attention as well.

“and very soon, i have an announcement to make. i can’t spoil anything yet but just know i hope that you all can continue to support me,” jaehyun said, smiling so wide his dimples were on full display on the screens. to the fans, they might’ve thought it was an announcement of a comeback, but to you, you knew it was something entirely different.

it all happened a couple months ago during one of the times jaehyun had taken you out. you felt the urge to talk to him about this pending thought. “wh-what if we go public?” you abruptly say in the car as he drove you two to his house. he’s stopped at a red light, the perfect opportunity. he glances over at you, his hand squeezing yours. “it’s whatever you want darling, i’ve told you… wherever you go, that’s where i’ll follow,” he reassures you, taking your hand to kiss your knuckles. “i-i want to go public, well not now but maybe soon, perhaps when we make a year,” you say, his eyes tearing away from yours when the light turns to green. “alright my love, we’ll do that,” he replied back, a smile tainting his face.

though you two haven’t talked about it since then, you both know that your two year anniversary is right around the corner. it made you happy knowing he still remembered. he always seemed to know everything, he truly was the perfect man you could’ve ever asked for.

he sings two more songs before the concert officially comes to an end, his tour finalizing. once he’s off that stage, you and his parents hurry backstage as you try avoiding running into any fans. luckily you two made it without a hitch. you find his manager in the halls, waiting for you three. he then guides you to the lounge area where jaehyun later arrives in. he instantly bursts out smiling seeing all his beloved people gathered. he starts off by greeting his parents, hugging them and kissing them. jaehyun moves along to you, in which you immediately wrap your arms around his neck.

“you did amazing out there jae,” you whisper into his ear. “thank you my love, i could feel your presence and felt all the more motivated,” he says. you two depart from each other's embrace and instead give one another a loving peck on the lips.

the four of you relaxed for a while, until food and a cake came inside. “to celebrate,” mr. lee announces. everyone in there having a good time, you were having an amazing time. although the touch of jaehyun’s fingers on your thigh elicited you to think of other things. your mind goes off the rails. however you knew what jaehyun was doing here, what he was trying to tell you. you glances over at him beside you, only to catch him doing the same. a small smirk spreads across his face, your panties growing wet.

⋆⁺✧˚ · .₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆₊˚ෆ

you two made it to his car before he began tearing your pants off you. earlier as the, congrats-on-a-good-tour, party had been wrapping up, jaehyun decided to excuse you two. he insisted on driving you two back home, which his manager allowed. he knew he wouldn’t win against jaehyun. and so when you two said your final goodbyes to his parents, he practically had you running to the parking garage underneath the venue. he told you to get into the backseat in which he then joined you as well.

now you find him tearing your clothes away from your body, throwing it to the passenger seat. you laid in the backseat, naked with nothing but your cute red panties. jaehyun licked his lips before going in between your legs. he pries them open, each leg on one of his shoulders. he kisses your you inner thighs, nibbling on the skin.

when he comes face-to-face with your pussy he darts out his tongue where he kitty licks you through your underwear. you bite down on your bottom lip as he plays with your clit. your panties growing even wetter, mixing along with him, eventually he finally removes your panties, stuffing them in his pocket before going back down.

with both his thumbs, he spreads your pussy lips apart. tongue licking you up so slowly you felt yourself clench around nothing, you ached. he flicked your clit before suddenly intruding his tongue inside you.

you moaned loudly, arching your back off the car seat as his tongue fucked itself in you. opening you up against your gummy walls, reaching you so deep. the wet noises infiltrated the car. your hips began grinding against him, one of your hands flying to his hair. you urge him deeper, he moaned from the action, sending sensations of pleasure to course throughout your body.

jaehyun kept going at it with his tongue, his pace quick. he travels a hand to your tit. jaehyun groped it as he used his fingers to play with your nipple, pinching the bud hard, and causing you to moan. whilst he used his other hand to start playing with your clit. abusing the poor thing, and not too long after he takes his tongue out of you. you whine at the loss of sensation.

“it’s alright my love, i’ll let you cum soon,” he says before getting up and sitting against the car seat. “come here,” he says, eyes looking at you like a predator.

you waste no time in straddling his lap, his lips coming onto your to engulf you into a steamy kiss. tongues fighting one another, teeth clashing, and a little tug on your bottom lip. “ride me. take me like a good girl right here,” he says in a sultry tone.

you couldn’t afford to waste time, you quickly sunk yourself into his cock. you still couldn’t get used to his length, it took a bit for you to get accustomed. his hands gripped your hips, guiding you into his cock. he plowed you in and out, watching his cock disappear inside of you, exciting him. “shit, good girl. you’re my good girl aren’t yo—fuck—you,” he grunts when he feels you tightening around his cock. an indication you were close to reaching your high. from getting tongue-fucked, it left you desperate for your release.

jaehyun was no cruel man, he helped you reach your high with a pleasurable play on your clit. he pounded into you once before you’re orgams came washing over you. you throw your head back, tongue lolling out.

“fuck, so beautiful,” jaehyun mutters, his high not too far away. as he continues fucking into you, you cling onto him. your arms wrapped around him, your lips sucking on his neck, marking him. and with a slap to your ass, he came inside you. panting heavily, he finally stops. the windows fogging up, you’d hoped no one had seen you two. yet there was something so hot about being seen, the thought turning you on.

jaehyun felt you clench, he knew what you were thinking about, he always did. “you dirty girl, wishing everyone saw you being fucked by me,” he smirks. god, something about the way he talked to you, ignited you even more.

you whisper into his ear, “yes, so fuck me more jae~ let everyone see how much i love you.”

jaehyun felt as though he could die right now, by you and your words. he wastes no time giving you a nice good fucking, round after round until your two couldn’t no more, needing a bigger space. he finally decides to drive off, driving while he had his fingers in your sweet pussy, fucking their way inside you until you saw stars.

even as you made it through the front door he took you from behind, moving to the living room, kitchen, bathroom, and his bedroom. he took you wherever and whenever around his home. and once both you have had enough of one another, you’re lulled into a deep sleep.

jaehyun’s pov.

today was the day, our one year anniversary. i’d planned a big day for the both of us today, and right now i’m heading to pick her up. i’m stopped at a red light, my thoughts infiltrated with her and the year we’ve spent together.

not only was it our one year, but today i’d planned to propose to her. i clutched my unoccupied hand around the velvet box. i purchased the ring a while back, i knew i’d wanted to marry her. she was my everything, i couldn’t live without her, her smile, her laugh, her eyes, her beauty, her personality, her everything, the flaws. at times it felt like she and i were specially made for one another. destined beings meant to be with one another. she had become my greatest gift, and from that day a year ago, i knew i wanted to marry her, build a family with her, and be with her during my last dying breath.

and once i’d propose to her, i’d like to officially announce our relationship and marriage. today was going to be the perfect day. even the weather was in my favor, i couldn’t wait to see her reaction to the ring, her face when she-

crash. bang. slam.

red, my vision was painted red. glass scattered on the floor, i was paralyzed. my car had been flipped over. shit.

no, no, no this couldn't be happening right now. no, please god not now, not today. my mind thought of y/n, she was still waiting for me to arrive. i clenched my hand on the box, it still was in my hand. today was suppose to be our one year, the day i asked for her hand in marriage, the day we’d spend eternity today.

as if a twist of events, droplets of rain began dripping down my face. i could feel my eyes wanting to close. no, fuck, jaehyun stay awake, i thought. y/n is waiting for you, she is-

black, i saw black. the noises stopped, everything became silent. the last thing i saw was y/n, my love, my beloved, my soulmate. i wished i could’ve spent one last time with her, "right next to you y/n, right next to you."

you grew worried. jaehyun hadn’t arrived yet, he hadn’t even messaged or called you to tell you he was going to run late. not to mention something your gut told you something wrong happened. you couldn’t shake off this feeling. you even tried calling him, but to no avail. he wasn’t answering. and so you resorted to calling his manager, but he too did not answer.

you impatiently waited for something, but nothing came until the afternoon arrived. your phone begins to ring, you immediately retrieve it. it was jaehyun’s manager. you quickly answered, not bothering to let him talk first. “mr. lee, hi! have you heard from jaehyun? he hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts, please le-” you rant quickly, wanting to seek answers but are interrupted by a distraught mr. lee.

“y/n, i’ma need you to hear my carefully,” he starts off. your worry increasing and your gut twisting. “j-jaehyun’s in the hospital right now, if you can you should come before his surgery finishes.”

“s-surgery?” you ask, voice wobbling. “y-yes, this morning, i’m guessing on his way to pick you up, he was involved in a car accident, it was bad. jaehyun was unresponsive when paramedics arrived, but was still breathing. he had a pretty nasty cut to his head and the doctor advised to quickly operate on him,” mr. lee explained the situation.

you don’t even remember much after that. you screamed in agony, tears nonstop as they roll down your face. you quickly head over to the hospital, ignoring the herds of news stations reporting. it disgusted you, how could they when your beloved was barely holding up.

you rush to the front of the hospital, asking to let you see jaehyun but that’s when mr. lee steps in to let you go with him. you rush together outside the operating room where jaehyun was at. you shook as mr. lee continued telling you details of what had happened earlier that morning. it hurt you, you couldn’t believe it. today was supposed to be your one year anniversary, the day you two celebrated in harmony, in love, with one another. yet here you were, in a hospital, awaiting news of the conclusion of his surgery. you’d never cried this much in your life.

in the midst of it all, jaehyun’s parents had arrived as well. his mother completely distraught, embracing you as you two prayed for jaehyun’s successful surgery. it felt neverending, like years had been passing by. why were they taking so long, why, why, why. you couldn’t take this anymore, what if he… what if he didn’t… you couldn’t even finish the thought. no, you thought. he was going to make it, he was the strongest person you knew. he was the brightest star that shunned.

“i, i just woke up from a dream. where you and i had to say goodbye.”

an hour or two passed by again before the operating sign turned off and a doctor came out. you and mrs. jeong stood up from the floor. all of you greeting the doctor, standing around him as he started to explain in detail jaehyun’s injuries.

“luckily, nothing life-threatning, the surgery was able to go about successfully. though we’re not sure when he’ll wake up, i can guarantee everything went well. it’s a miracle he made it out alive, he truly is a strong one,” the doctor said as he glanced over at jaehyun's parents during the last part. you sighed in relief, finally being able to breath after getting confirmation he truly was alright. 

you all thanked the doctor, and thanked the heavens above that jaehyun had survived everything.

soon, a nurse came out informing you four that he’d been moved to a room and you all quickly rushed over there. your eyes watered again seeing the state he was in. it horrified you seeing all his injuries, small ones and most notably his head injury. you rush to his side, gently taking your hand in his. and you didn't know if it was just your imagination, but you swore you felt him tighten his hand around yours.

⋆⁺✧˚ · .₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆₊˚ෆ

it’s now been a little over a week since jaehyun’s accident and surgery. you’ve spent everyday by his side, sometimes staying the night. however his mother was growing worried for you and insisted you’d get some rest as well. you just didn’t want to not be by his side when he woke up. and so the days went on, you sat beside his bed. your hand on his, you stared at his face. you prayed and prayed for him to finally awaken, to open those eyes of his you adore so much.

the media was in a disaster the first couple of days, fans and nonfans too praying for his recovery. it came as a shock to everyone. they also arrested the person responsible, he had been under the influence when he crashed into jaehyun’s car. he was the one who ran the red light as jaehyun had just begun to drive.

you continue watching jaehyun when you notice his eyes move, they weren’t opening but they’d twitch. it was almost as if he was trying to open them. you got up, calling his name. your breath got caught in your system when you see him finally pry them open. he mutters something, but you don’t hear as you try calling for a nurse. when you come back you see him looking at you.

“j-jaehyun, is everything alright,” you ask. he doesn’t respond, he just looks at you as if he was trying to recognize you. “don’t worry, i already called a nurse the-” he interrupts you. the words coming out of his mouth, shocking. destroying you, changing your life.

“w-who a-are yo-you?” he asks, voice coming out a bit dry.

“wh-what do yo-you mean? jaehyun, it’s me, y/n… god, no. jaehyun please,” you begin to cry out. you’re refusing to believe what was unfolding, wishing it was some joke. the nurse comes in, seeing an awoken jaehyun and you crying.

you turn to her whisper so jaehyun wouldn’t hear, “h-he doesn’t remember me, wh-what’s wrong. pl-please.” she looks at you then at jaehyun. “ma’am, please calm down for a moment, i’ll go talk to the doctor first,” she says, but you already knew what was happening.

jaehyun had lost his memory, there was no denying that.

you don’t say a word to jaehyun anymore, instead you call mr. lee to inform him of what had just transpired. he tells you he’ll be there in no time. when he arrives, your still a crying mess. however another discovery was made.

“do-dohwa?” jaehyun asks, calling out for his manager. the two of you were shocked, none of this making sense. he remembered his manager, but not you. no, god this was worse. your heart broke to a million pieces. you could feel your world ending, right here, right now.

the nurse came back in, she informed you two that the doctor wanted to conduct a study on jaehyun to see what was going on. you two watched him being transported away. and your tears flowed more.

“h-he doesn’t re-remember me,” you cry out. his manager sits beside you, trying to reassure you, telling you perhaps this was just a temporary thing. that perhaps jaehyun was going to recover his memory soon, it wasn’t going to be anything serious.

yet all your hopes were crushed when the doctor came inside the room to talk to you both. jaehyun had fallen asleep. “he’s lost his memory, precisely memory of around 3 years,” the doctor informs. “is there a chance he could get it back?” mr. lee asks when you can’t even speak up anymore. “it’s hard to say, in most cases they do but there are also those other half who don’t,” the doctor answered. he asked you two if there were any more questions but you both didn’t ask anything more, too shocked by this new discovery.

when the doctor leaves, mr. lee gets up. he walks over to his backpack, opening it and retrieving a small bag. as he walks back to where you sat he hands you the bag. “wh-what’s this? you ask. “open it and you’ll find out,” he just says, it sounded so mysterious. however you do just that, opening the small bag, taking the object outside and into your hands.

a small velvet box.

your heart stops. could this be, you thought. you look up at mr. lee. “they found it in his hand when paramedics arrived, they told they had a hard time removing it from his hand,” mr. lee explained when you open the box. in the middle was the most gorgeous ring you’d ever seen. you couldn’t see anymore.

“it seems he was planning to propose to you,” mr. lee comments. you stayed silent, clutching the box tightly. a beat or two passes before you ask, “co-could you give us a minute.” mr. lee nods his head, stepping out to give you two some space. you get up from your seat and walk over to jaehyun. he was still fast asleep.

you grab onto his hand, tears continuously spilling out as you try gathering what to say to him. “th-thank you jaehyun. thank you for showing me love. thank you for allowing me to love you, for loving me. thank you for thinking of me even as you were dying. thank you for staying strong. thank you for existing. thank you for everything, my beloved.” you had so much to thank him for. “in the course of the year i spent with you, there was never a day i felt sad or regretful because i was with you, in fact that year was the best year of the entirety of my life.”

you let out a choked sob. “i don’t wanna say goodbye to you, goodbye to us. i wished we could’ve spent more time together, be right next to you. and if you ever get your memory back, just know i’d be waiting for you. but until then, our story will have to end here jaehyun.” you lean in to his kiss his cheek before departing. “i’ll love you for all eternity.”

you look at him for one last time before turning around. you’re about to open the door when you turn around again. “and jaehyun, yes i’ll marry you.”

+ + +

“if the world was ending, i’d wanna be next to you. if the party was over and our time on earth was through, i’d wanna hold you just for a while and die with a smile. if the world was ending, i’d wanna be next to you.” - die with a smile, bruno mars & lady gaga.

+ + +

© jhdyuiee

2024. 09. 15

final a.n: hey! you've reached the end of die with a smile, it was an emotional roller coaster. i cried writing the ending, it was truly heartbreaking. the story ended up being longer than i had anticipated, but nonetheless i felt it was necessary to include the falling in love to get a better understanding of the loving relationship. unfortunately though i’ve decided to make this a oneshot, so i won’t be making a part two as i feel it’d be best to leave it this way (sorry i have to leave it angsty). anyhow, i hope to all my readers you’ve enjoyed it, cried, and felt a whirlwind of emotions. thank you for your continuous support, i’ll be back in 2 weeks with my next release! look forward to what i have next! thank you once more & i love you all, stay safe out there! jiji out 🤍

[thehighpriestess1]

Be Mine : The meeting

Summary : After finally waiting for 20 years Gojo Satoru finally met the woman he has been in love with. But love is not easy to conquer even for the strongest.

Pairing : Yandere King Gojo x Knight reader

Warning: Yandere themes. Mentions of violence and death. Minors do not interact!

Master list : Ask Box

It was not unusual for a woman to be a knight or a soldier. Although it was a bit unfair to those of your kind. In this kingdom were two kinds of people, one who had power, the sorcerers, not the kind of power that comes with a position but the kind you are born with. Power that is used to protect the others against the army of curses that have plagued the world for centuries. No one knows where these curses come from. No one knows how to eradicate them forever. But as goes the law of balance, there are people that are born with the power to kill these curses and the most powerful of them all, the man who is said to possess the kind of power that comes once in a century, the king, Gojo Satoru. 

The second kinds, your kind, people who are born without power. Even if they are born into the wealthiest of families they are bound to live in the shadows of sorcerers. You were neither born into a noble clan nor did you have any power. All you had was your strength and grit. 

You joined the forces to fight against the curses. What use were you to the kingdom without power? They always needed people like you to do the menial tasks during the war and use your sword to the best of your abilities. That you did very well. In a span of four years you climbed through the ranks fighting against the sexism and the casual disdain against you. It has changed you, hardened you. Now you were a rebel amongst legends and infamous amongst the infantry. 

But unbeknownst to you, there was someone who was watching your every move. Before the time you joined the ranks to the day of your knighthood. You were good. Fearless. Kind. But you were too far. Too far for his liking.The only way to fix that was to bring you closer to him. He wished he could reach out to you when he saw you on the battlefield. While he did protect you on the field with his powers, he wished desperately to be able to mend your wounds and kiss the pain away. But it was not ideal for the king to run across the battlefield and cradle a foot soldier. He wished he could lay next to you and wipe your tears but he could only watch from his ivory tower. It was the best use of his six eyes. When he was presented with the list of names to be considered for King’s knight he didn’t even look at it and presented his own recommendation. Who dared reject the king’s recommendation?

Gojo lay on the silk bed sheets as the moonlight filtered through the curtains. He stared at the ceiling with a smile on his face. Tomorrow he will finally have you close to him. He still remembered the first time he met you, 20 years ago. He was out in the kingdom with his father and had run off from the procession and snuck into a back alley of a bakery. There instead of sweet delicacies he ran into the sweetest girl he had ever seen. She sat at the steps of the bakery in a red dress with two pigtails with a white ribbon tied at the end. Gojo was dumbfounded and simply stared at her. Was she the fairies his mother told him about?

“ The bakery is closed! Come after 2 PM”. She said as she took a bite of her cupcake.

“What’s your name?”. He asked as he stepped towards her.

“My grandma told me not to talk to strangers”.

Gojo was dumbfounded. He stared at her blankly.

The girl rolled her eyes, “What do you want?”.

Gojo snapped out of his thoughts. “I…I want to buy…I want…I want what you are having”. 

She got off the steps and stood in front of him. She extended the half eaten cupcake and shrugged. “This is the last one and the bakery is closed”. 

Gojo stared at the cupcake, he had never eaten a half eaten cake. Heck he had never had to share anything in his life. But he stretched his arm forward to grab the cupcake and right before he could grab hold of the sweet delicacy the girl withdrew her arm and shoved the entire cupcake in her mouth. She grinned with lips littered with crumbs and mouth full of cupcakes. To his surprise instead of anger or contempt his heart was filled with this foreign feeling. It made him feel warm and he smiled at her.She was the embodiment of light, her toothy smile made his heart race and time stop. Before he could ask her name or give her his’ the guards surrounded him and led him back to his father. Before they could drag him away he stretched out his arm and grab hold of one of the silk ribbons.That’s all he had of hers now. For years Gojo tied that ribbon on his wrist. When it got too small for his wrist he tied it to his bedpost. The Kingdom grew and wars were won but he remembered the bakery and he remembered her. She never left his mind and once he was old enough to command power he had her details in front of her. Y/n L/n. 

-X-

Gojo stared at his reflection in the mirror. After two hours of going through an array of clothes, he finally decided on the staple navy blue with velvet red cape. He looked at the watch and realized there were still hours before the ceremony. It was getting harder for him to wait any longer, he had to see you once so he took the cape and the medals off and wore a long black trench coat and snuck out of his room.

He knew where all the to-be-guards would be waiting. He stood behind the curtains at the entrance and scanned the room for you but he didn’t see you. Did you refuse the position last minute? Did something happen to you on the way? He frowned and turned around to walk back to his room but stopped in his tracks when he saw you walking next to another man. Your hair was toed back neatly and your smile…it made time stop.But rage filled his nerves as she saw you laugh and punch the other man on the shoulder. Why were you touching him? Why was he making you laugh? Your silver batch, indicating your knighthood, shone brightly as you walked past him without sparing him another glance. His heart broke. You had forgotten him. He spent every day of the last 20 years thinking about you and you didn’t even remember him! Your scent lingered in the air as he stood there basking in it. Was he that forgettable? What was he going to do now? With anger in his eyes and sadness in his veins he was about to walk away.

“Oi!”. Someone called out from behind but Gojo was so lost in his thoughts he ignored it. 

“Oi white hair!”. 

Gojo frowned and clenched his jaw. Who dared speak to him like that. He turned around ready to order his men to behead the imbecile but his anger evaporated when he saw you standing behind him with a smirk on your face. You were talking to him. You were talking to him!

“Ye…Yes?”. He asked hesitantly. Unsure of whether you knew who he was or not.

“I owe you this''. You extended your hand forward and held a cupcake in your hand. 

Gojo stared dumbfounded at the cupcake. His heart raced faster than the best horses in the kingdom. You remembered him. All those years of planning to get you here was not a waste. You remembered him. He looked at you and let out a shuddered breath at how beautiful you looked. Your hair was in a neat ponytail above your head, even the metal armor you wore looked so delicate. Your eyes held the same hope and your smile, Gojo was ready to wage wars for that smile.

“You…you..remember me?”.

You chuckled, “Of course I do! Do you want this one or should I shove it in my mouth?”. 

Gojo chuckled and took the cupcake from your hand. “Thanks”. You looked different up close. Better. Prettier. You carried the same light within you as you did 20 years ago. 

“Are you here for the ceremony as well?”. You chirped.

“Yes…kind of”. 

You nodded your head and looked at him. He was just the same. Shy. Timid. “You have really pretty eyes''. You said absentmindedly. You didn’t know how the words fell out of your mouth but god were they true. 

Gojo’s eyes widened. You just complimented him? This was the first time you had complimented him! 

“Ummm yeah..thank..thank you”. He said, too shy to meet your eyes. He didn’t know what was happening to him. He wanted to be confident and strong for you and yet he was stuttering like a child.”What are you doing here?”. He feigned ignorance.

“I am about to be knighted to be the King’s personal guard”.

“Congratulations”. He smiled politely. 

“Thank you. What about you? I haven’t seen you in the ranks so…I guess you are not a knight”.

Gojo cursed himself mentally. “Umm yeah. I work in ….administration”. Not a lie, Gojo thought to himself.

“Nice.By the way, have you ever met the king? I’ve heard some pretty interesting things about him”. 

“No…I haven’t met the king..”. Gojo said, confused. Who was spreading rumors about him to you? Before he could ask any further about the baseless rumors another man came from behind him and wrapped his arms around you. 

“Niko! My man! So good to see you!”. You said as you returned the hug. 

Gojo watched you exchange formalities with Niko. When Niko had taken his leave you turned towards Gojo once again. “You were saying something?”.

“Is that guy your….man?”. 

You frowned and looked at Niko, “oh him? No. I mean not like that. We have been in the ranks together since the beginning and he has saved my ass so many times!”. 

Gojo smiled and looked down at his feet. If only you knew how many times he saved you from getting killed. “I see…what were you saying about the king?”. 

“Oh right! I have heard that he thinks only those with curse techniques deserve to occupy the ranks! Can you even believe him?! What a jerk! If that was true then people like me would always be treated like shit and would never get a chance to fight those curses!”. 

Gojo hummed. Though it was true that he believed that, you were here weren’t you? Though he believed it would never be acted on because he understood the importance of balance. “But..If that were true then…you wouldn’t be here”. 

“You see that’s where you’re wrong. It’s not about what he does. That fact that he says those things gives sorcerers even more reasons to..to bully us. Because now their ideology aligns with that of the king and the so called sorcerer king can never be wrong. What a joke!”. 

Gojo chuckled nervously. That stung Gojo. But you were right. It’s not only actions but also his words that have a ripple effect and eventually hurt the one he loves.

“But..wait…how do you know that I am not a sorcerer?”.

“I can tell”. Gojo added immediately, cursing himself. “Why did you join ranks?”. He asked immediately, hoping to change the conversation. Though he had a faint idea about it.

You smiled sadly,”You remember the bakery? It was owned by my grandmother. When the war began, the curses destroyed the town and ..killed her. So I decided that I will fight them until I am satisfied that I have avenged her”.

Gojo sighed. He remembered that war. Many died and many went missing. He was about 20 that time. The war had lasted for over a week and after a week he was able to create a shield around the kingdom to prevent any curses from getting in. He felt guilty now, if only he would have been strong enough back then he would have been able to save the bakery and you wouldn’t be risking your life everyday. “I’m sorry to hear that”. 

You sighed and shrugged. “That’s alright. Anyway we should go before the so-called ‘strongest’ arrives”. 

“I have something to take care of, you should go. I’ll see you soon”. 

“Okaaaay. What’s your name though? Or would you rather I call you snow white?”. 

Gojo smiled fondly and took a bite off the cupcake. “You can call me whatever you want”. He winked and turned around and walked aways. 

“Who was that?”. Niko asked you when you finally joined him and the others. 

“Just some nobel guy I met years ago”. 

“Ooooh you are fishing already?”. Niko smirked.

“Oh! Fuck off! I am just happy to make friends”.

“He seems weird”.

“Maybe, he was just nervous. It is a pretty important day”.

Amante, another woman in your ranks joined in, “I think he was quite handsome”. She smiled sweetly. But that was Amante, she was too sweet and too polite to be in this line of work.

Niko shrugged, “You know what they say about these noble guys right? They don’t last long in bed! His handsomeness alone is not enough”. 

You rolled your eyes at his comments. “Don’t listen to him, Amante. If you want I will happily introduce you to him and you are right, he is quite handsome”.

“Do you really think so?”. Niko asked, sipping from his chalice. He stood tall next to you, his brown hair neatly combed back and his sharp jawline freshly shaved. But from this angle you could tell the places he nicked himself. His brown eyes looked like honey in this light and though you would never admit it, you were jealous of his eyelashes.

“Yeah. I think he was quite good looking”. 

“Better than me?”. Niko smirked. 

You shook your head and ignored his comment. He was just being..Niko.

-X- 

It was a closed ceremony, only those to be knighted to be king’s guards were allowed to be there. The other ranks were commemorated by the chief of troops while you waited at the back and watched with pride as your friends got their lapel decorated. You wondered when it would be your turn and would you get to meet the king today? It came as a surprise that you were the only one appointed as the King’s guard, a non sorcerer vowing to protect the sorcerer king. Suddenly it didn’t feel right.

“Ma’am, he’s waiting for you”. 

You turned and looked at the older man bowing next to you. “Who is waiting for me?”. 

“His highness the King”. 

You blinked blankly and looked at your friends in the other end of the room. You nodded your head and got up to follow the man. 

You walked two steps behind the man wondering why was your coronation held separately and why couldn’t the king take some time off to know the people who swore to protect him a few rooms down the hall. 

“What’s your name?”. You asked, looking around and admiring the heavy velvet curtains.

“Ijichi”. The man replied in a tired tone. 

“How do I address you?”. 

“You may call me Ijichi”.

You hummed. “May I ask you a question Ijichi-san?”.

“Yes”.

“What is the king like?”.

“He is the strongest sorcerer”. 

You chuckled. That's what everyone says anyway. “I mean…as a person”.

Ijichi let out a tired sigh that made you wonder whether he didn’t like the king or he didn’t like you. “He is ..Eccentric”.

“Eccentric?”. You corked a brow.

“Yes. You will find out soon”. 

You didn’t want to trouble him anymore so continued to follow him quietly. 

Soon you found yourself outside a large wooden door with gold handles. Ijichi turned towards you and smiled, “His highness is waiting inside. If you need anything, you may call me anytime”.

“Thank you, Ijichi-san”.

“-and…The King is a good person. So don’t be hasty in making your judgment”. Ijichi smiled.

It was probably the first time you heard a little life in his voice. You smiled and nodded your head. “I’ll keep that in mind”. 

Ijichci took his leave and you stood outside the door staring at the gold inlay, wondering why would the strongest sorcerer appoint a non-sorcerer as the King’s guard?. Your heart was beating loudly and fear crept into your heart. You fought curses with just your sword and yet you were questioning yourself, it didn’t make any sense. 

“I can sense you standing outside”. The voice echoed from inside making you jolt backwards. He knew you were here. There was no going back now.So you took a deep breath and pushed the door open. 

“Snowwhite?”. You chuckled as you saw the back of the head of your old friend but when he turned around your smile dropped and eyes widened. You saw the medals on his lapel and the seal on his collar. Your eyes drifted to the crown kept on a stand nearby and your throat ran dry. You immediately kneeled on one knee and brought your fist to your heart and bowed in greeting to the king. “Your Highness”.

“Stand up, y/n”.

You got up but refused to look him in the eye. You could sense that he was walking towards you and suddenly the rose on the carpet was covered by a pair of black boots. 

Gojo placed his index finger below your chin and tilted it up, to look closely at the face he has been dreaming about. “Hello, y/n”.

You took a step back and stomped your feet. “It’s an honor to meet you, your highness”.

Gojo sighed, “Drop it already, will you?”.

You looked up at him, confused. “I..don’t understand you-”.

“Drop the formalities. We are friends. You can call me Satoru”.

You bit the inside of your cheeks. “I..I am sorry your highness…for..what I said”.

“Why? You were right”.

“I..meant the terms I used to describe you..”

Gojo laughed. “That’s alright. You are my friend so that’s okay”.

“I am supposed to be your guard, your highness”. You said sternly.

Gojo realized it will take time for you to open up to him, he had waited years now, he could wait a little more.

“Alright, do what feels right for you. If you have any questions then do not hesitate to ask me”. Gojo smiled as he clasped his hands behind his back.

“I do have one…question”. 

“Go ahead”.

“Why did you choose me to be your guard? I am not a sorcerer and you are the strongest sorcerer”.

Gojo smiled to himself. He had expected this question which is why he prompted you to ask in the first place. “Because you are capable. You are more capable than some of the sorcerers. It is not the curses I need the protection from, it is non-sorcerers”.

His response left a bittersweet feeling in your heart. “I don’t have any more questions, your highness”.

“Are you sure?”. Gojo corked a brow.

“Yes, Your Highness”.

“So you don’t want to know what I was doing at the bakery that day and why do I remember you?”.

You were taken by surprise. You had heard of his powers but many were still hidden, was mind reading one of his powers?. Regardless, you were determined to keep things professional between the two of you, you had already offended him enough. “Your Highness is kind enough to remember me”.

Gojo’s jaw clenched in irritation. This was not his kindness. This was his love. You were his love. But of course how could you know that? For you, you had met him after two decades. Unlike him you were not aware of his life. “It’s more than kindness y/n. You were the second person ever to treat me like an equal. I consider you my friend and friends , protect each other”.

You smiled politely, “Yes, Your Highness”.

Gojo smiled and straightened up. “Let’s get to business shall we?”.

“Yes, Your Highness”.

“First things first, I do not place much value on the old rituals of reading out your duties and having you take the oath. You are an honorable woman and I trust you that you will do your duty diligently”.

You stomped your right foot and pressed your fist to your heart, “Yes, Your highness. I promise you I will put my life on the line for-”.

“Everything except that”. Gojo cut you off. “I don’t want you to put your life on the line for me. Do not even think about sacrificing your life for me. Just stay by my side and…that’s it”.

You gulped nervously. “Ye..Yes, Your Highness”.

“Now, where were we?...right! You don’t need to wear that heavy armor anymore. I have asked the atelier to take your measurement and have your uniform ready. Ijichi will show you your room after your fitting, you can rest today and explore the palace grounds, in the evening we will meet at the stable where you will get to pick your horse, then you will join me for dinner. Is that clear?”.

“Yes, You-”.

“Just a yes will do”.

“Ye..yes. Clear”.

Gojo smiled. “Good. Tomorrow you will show up at my office at 7:00 AM and accompany me throughout the day”.

“Yes”.

-X-

You walked towards his office in your newly fitted uniform. It was eerily similar to his’. Navy trousers paired with a white shirt and a heavy navy blue overcoat. Your Knight’s badge shone on the left lapel and your cufflinks were just like his’. You wondered if it was on his demand or was just a norm. But your favorite part of the uniform were the stitched white roses on the inside of the overcoat. Absolutely hidden from the outside world, they were your own personal ornament. Your horse too was the same as his. A beautiful white beast with flowing silver hair. When standing side by side it was hard to differentiate between the two horses. When you asked Ijichi, he informed you that the other horse, the female counterpart, was bred and trained to be a companion to the male counterpart and Gojo had forbidden everyone from riding it. A part of you thought that he was saving her for you but that can’t be true right? How was he to know that you would meet after all these years. It was a surprise that he even remembered you.

Even your old sword was replaced with a newer one. To fight the curse, every non-sorcerer needed a special blade which needed to be pierced in the head of the curse to eradicate it. As the soldier moved up the ranks the sword was replaced by a more powerful one. As a King’s personal guard you were sure this was the most powerful blade to exist. But fighting alone was not enough. To protect yourself from the attack, you had a shield embedded in your amulet. All you needed to do was unclasp the lock on your inner wrist and a tiny amulet was turned into a full sized shield. Your new amulet was made out of white gold and had roses carved into them. It made a pretty shield. 

Your room was thrice the size of your old house. It was too spacious and you couldn’t believe that it was all yours. Everything from the carpet to curtains was made out of finest quality material. Your bed was soft as a cloud and your wardrobe was filled with your uniforms for different occasions. Your tattered leather bag seemed out of place in this opulence. You walked to the window and to your surprise you could see right on the King’s balcony. Maybe it was a security measure. You thought about him, how he treated you like an old friend even after all the things you said about him. He was not how others, especially Niko, had painted him out to be. He wasn’t aggressive, or crazy. He was gentle, Kind, and considerate. You didn’t realize you were staring at his balcony until he walked out and you immediately stepped back, hoping he didn’t notice you.

After a long sleepless night of thinking you decided that it would be best to stick to your rules rather than obey  his’. He might be kind and considerate but he was still a King, a sorcerer king, and a sorcerer and non-sorcerer can never be friends. You had never hated sorcerers. Not until the war. When you saw your grandmother lying unconscious on the floor you developed a deep seeded hatred for sorcerers. If only this was a world without sorcerers and curses then your grandma would still be alive. You joined the ranks because the only thing you hated more than sorcerers was curses.

You knocked on the door sternly, “Your Highness, may I enter?”. You asked. You could almost hear him sigh on the other end before granting you the permission to enter.

“I told you not to call me that”. He chuckled and shook his head. He sat behind the oak desk resting his chin on his knuckles.

“That’s the appropriate way to address-”.

“”I decide what is appropriate”. Gojo cut you off. 

“As you say, your highness”. You smiled and took your place next to him. You stood with your hands pressed to your sides and your gaze fixed on the door in front. 

“Are you going to stand all day?”.

“Yes”.

“What if I ask you to sit?”. He looked up at you.

“I can best react to a threat in this position”.

Gojo bit the inside of his cheeks, “Threat? What threat is there now?”.

“A threat does not extend an invitation…not even to the king”.

Gojo clenched his jaw. Who turned you against him? Everything was fine yesterday, whom did you meet? What did they say?. He frowned and cleared his throat. “I don’t need you to protect me”.

“I see”. You hummed. “So I am just an accessory here”. 

Gojo stood up immediately and turned you towards him. By protocol, you refused to meet his eyes. He placed an index finger below your jaw and tildted your head up, “Look at me”. He whispered.

You slowly lifted your gaze up and looked into his deep blue ones. “I apologize for my rudeness ,your highness”.

“Did someone say something to you?”.

“No, your highness”.

“Y/n… I want you to remember that no one, in this entire kingdom holds any power over you. No one can remove you from my side, not without my permission…and that I would never grant. So tell me now, what happened?”.

“Nothing happened, your highness”. You said, it was hard to avert your gaze from his eyes. They were hypnotic, like they held the secrets buried deep beneath the oceans. If you looked long enough, you were sure you could count each speckle. They changed color when he moved his head, you had never seen anything of such beauty. You had heard about the secrets of six eyes, the power they held. But now you wondered, maybe their biggest power is their beauty. Anyone who looks deep enough would find themselves trapped in the infinite void. 

“Y/n,?”. Gojo called out to you, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You jolted and stepped back immediately, “I apologize, your highness!”.

“What were you thinking?”. Gojo asked, sitting on the edge of the table.

“Nothing, your highness!”.

“I order you to tell me the truth”. Gojo smiled. If you were going to abide by the protocol then so would he.

“I..I just..You have beautiful eyes, your highness!”. You declared like you were rallying a message instead of speaking your mind.

Gojo smiled to himself. It was the second time you had complimented his eyes.. “You have told me that already but thank you. Now I order you to speak freely to me. Tell me every thought that crosses your mind, is that clear?”.

“Yes..your highness!”. 

Gojo raised a brow and tilted his head, indicating you to speak up.

“Firstly, I am sorry for what I said to you yesterday outside the hall. Clearly I did not know whom I was talking to. Secondly….”. You bit the inside of your cheeks. Your rebel attitude might have gotten you far in troops but this is the King you are talking to. He can blow a hole through your body.

“Secondly?”. Gojo asked.

Aahh well fuck it. If you die then you die speaking the truth. “It was your fault!”. 

“My fault?”. Gojo asked, confused. 

“Yes! What were you doing there? Why were you sneaking around in your own palace? Are you that bored? Why didn’t you tell me that you were the king? Or were you spying on me? Did you have fun teasing me?”. You blurted out in one breath, prepared to take your last any minute now. 

Gojo chuckled. Then he laughed. “Wow…okay. You’re right. It was my fault. I apologize”. 

Your breath hitched and you looked around hesitantly. Did he just… Did the king just apologize? To you?

“What else is bothering you?”. He asked.

You scoffed, “I didn’t realize this was a therapy session”. 

Gojo chuckled. “This is…get to know my guard session”. 

“Speaking of guards…I know why I am here. By your side”. 

Gojo’s heart skipped a beat. Did you really…

“Why is that?”.

You took a deep breath, “I heard the counsel talking … while I was going back to my room. I didn’t mean to snitch! And I am not complaining either!”.

“What..what did they say?”. Gojo asked irritatedly. He hated the counsel, always breathing down his neck, interfering with his work, demanding answers, but above all he hated them because of their mindset. Now he had another reason on his list.

“Well…They said that the only reason you chose me was because if you had chosen someone more powerful..a sorcerer then it would have become easier for them to keep you in line. So to keep them at bay you chose me because of my reputation but also because I am of absolute no use to you..”. You looked down at your hands clasped in front. “…or anyone actually”. 

Gojo gritted his teeth. Those rotten old raisins dared make you feel this way. He was going to avenge you. It was only fair. He sent a signal, invisible to your eyes and sat back in his chair. “Take your position, we are going to punish them”. Gojo winked.

“But you don’t even know who they were. I don’t even know they were”.

“Only two people will have the audacity to say something like that”. 

Soon two men walked in with their heads bowed down. “Your highness”. 

You watched them keenly. It was definitely them. But you wondered what Gojo would do. 

“Hizashi-san! I have good news for you!”.

The taller one out of the two straightened up. “Your highness you have honored me enough”. The old man smiled politely. He looked at you sideways and Gojo wanted to gouge his eyes out.

“Clearly not enough, Hizashi-san”. Gojo added. “Would Hizashi-san and Kyoshi-san appreciate the opportunity to help  advance our understanding of curse techniques?”. 

The other man stood up and looked at Gojo wide eyed. The last time Gojo had presented this opportunity to someone, That man was sent on a tour around the world and became a millionaire overnight. No one would dare refuse this opportunity.

The two men exchanged glances. Having been partners in crime for over two decades the two of them had the same vision in mind, leave the conservative kingdom and their annoying families behind and travel the world to meet exotic women! All they had to do in return was write a small thesis which they could fake because who was going to verify it anyway. They agreed right away and after discussing other small matters with him they left with a satisfied smile on their faces.

“I didn’t think you would reward them”. You commented with a sour taste in your mouth.

Gojo chuckled. “No. I did not reward them. Tonight when my soldiers will go to pick them up, they will be expecting to be led to the royal ship and begin their world travel. I am sure they would soon spread the news and before lunch everyone would know about it. But my soldiers will not lead them to the royal ship”.

You bit the inside of your lip, “Where will they be going then?”.

“They will be led to a dungeon outside the palace walls, where they will be thrown in with curses”.

“But they are sorcerers, experienced sorcerers?”.

“I am sure you are aware that even sorcerers have grades, the curses they will come across will be far beyond their imagination. I can assure you they won’t survive the torture till morning”.

“Torture?!”. You gasped.

Gojo smiled. Your innocence was sweeter than any honey head tasted. “Not every curse wants to ..kill. Some just want revenge from humans that created them. Death is too easy of a punishment for such…people”.

-X-

You lay awake at night in your bed. Thinking about how Gojo just condemned two people to death by torture only because they insulted you. You couldn’t sleep, thinking about the two men, who would now be on their way to death, blissfully unaware, excited by the prospects ahead of them. It dawned on you that the curses were not the that would torture them, it was Gojo. You groaned in your pillow. You needed a drink. 

The communal kitchen was open at all hours of the day. It was mostly used by guards looking for a late night snack after the night shift or sleepless guards who needed a drink to wash away the events of the day. You remained quiet as you poured the wine from a wooden flask into a glass. It was strictly against the rules to take away any eatables and wine back to the room but you were oh so tempted to take the entire flask back to your room. So you did. The rules be damned. 

If you had the ability to sense curse energies then the surprise awaiting you would have been spoiled and maybe you could have saved the flask of wine. But as soon as you opened the door, you saw the white haired sorcerer standing near your window with his hands behind his back, and the flask slipped from your hand, spilling the wine between the two of you, creating a small puddle of red. “Your Highness! I..I didn’t get your summon!”.

Gojo shifted his gaze from the puddle of wine to you. “Tough night?”. He smiled.

“I’m sorry. I know it is against the rules but I..needed something strong. I was going to return the flask! I swear!”. 

Gojo chuckled. “I understand. But now I feel guilty for ruining your plans”. He smiled.

“Oh no. I..I can clean it up in no time”. You rubbed the back of your neck. “Did you need anything, Your Highness?”.

Gojo suddenly realized that he did need a reason to see you. He couldn’t tell you that it was getting tough for him to sleep without you.”Oh! Right! I uh..I could not sleep either …..so..I..do you want to drink together?”.

“Now?”. You asked, wide eyed. There were no rules about drinking with the king so maybe it was allowed..

“Yes. I can get someone to clean up your room”.

You bit your lip nervously as you considered the offer. “I don’t know…I have to work tomorrow and…”.

“I am sure I can convince your boss to let you arrive a little late”. Gojo smiled his victory smile which left a fluttering feeling in your stomach. In moments like this it didn’t feel like he was the king. He felt like a friend. You liked that feeling.

-X-

You sat on the floor with Gojo, your head resting against the couch, giggling like long lost friends. One empty bottle of wine and one half filled bottle stood tall between the two of you.

“Tell me more about your life”. Gojo prompted.

“It is quite boring”. You added and took a sip from the crystal glass.

“Not to me”.

"Are you that bored of your life?”. You raised a brow.

“Not bored of my life, just interested in yours”.

“Well then, what would you like to know?”.

Gojo hummed and thought for a second, “Have you ever been married?”. Gojo asked. He knew the answer to that but he couldn’t ask directly if you had a boyfriend.

Your smile dropped for a second and Gojo’s heart sank. “I didn’t mean to-”.

“It’s fine”. You cut him off with a smile. “It was quite long ago so it doesn’t matter anymore”. You shrugged and took a sip. 

“So you were….married?”. 

“Engaged. Well..almost engaged”. 

Gojo’s heart was now beating loudly against his chest. How did he miss this?. “Why not, completely engaged?”. He asked, trying to keep his anger out of his words.

“Well because the guy…he cheated on me”.

“What?!”. Gojo frowned. How could he miss such an important detail? Who was this vermin who caused you so much pain?

“Yeah. We were together for quite some time but we managed to keep it hidden from everyone around us. When I decided to join the ranks he…didn’t like it. We had plans, you see. We wanted to work together to save enough money and re-build the bakery, get married, and all the other rosy-dosy stuff. I wanted to join the ranks because building the bakery was not enough for me. I wanted to avenge my grandma. Anyway, One day I returned from my training and found him with one of my friends..and I knew I couldn’t stay there anymore”. You took a deep breath and sniffled. “So I left the place and stayed with the troops and here I am”. 

Gojo remained silent. He knew you were currently in a legal battle with a man over the bakery but he did not know that this was the back story. He could have the bakery renovated and signed over to you before the sun rises but that would only drive you away. He wanted you to share these things with him so he could freely help you and gain your trust. “What happened to the bakery?”.

You swallowed painfully. “He took it from me. When I left, he forged the papers and took the bakery from me. He comes from a strong clan and I couldn’t do anything. I filed a case two years ago and there have hardly been four hearings”. You gave a defeated shrug, “It is highly unlikely it will go in my favor”.

Gojo hummed. Now he could make his move. 

“Enough about me, If I may be bold enough to ask, have you ever been in love, your-highness?”.

Gojo smiled to himself, “Yes. I have. In fact I am still in love with her”.

For some reason, the last part left a bitter feeling in your heart. You felt sad. But you shook it off to too much wine. “And..will we be getting a queen soon?”.

Gojo chuckled. “It is not going to be easy. I am not sure whether she feels the same”. 

“Who can reject you?”. You spoke almost too immediately, making Gojo laugh. 

“You think so?”. 

“Yes! I mean.. You seem like a good person and you are…good looking and of course you are the king”.

“The problem is that I am the king”.

You straightened up immediately and looked at him wide-eyed. “Is she a commoner? Or from a different kingdom?”.

“She is not from a different kingdom”. Gojo added.

“Wow!..you are in love with a commoner”.

“She is not a commoner either”. Gojo chuckled. He was having too much fun teasing you.

You frowned and looked confused. “So..if she is a noble-woman then what’s the problem? You can just go up to her and tell her that you love her”.

“Can I really do that?”. Gojo took a sip and looked at you from behind the rim of the glass. 

Even though you were slightly drunk, you were sure you felt the atmosphere shift. His voice turned an octave lower and the way he looked at you left your nerves tingling.

“I mean..yeah..Only a fool would reject such an offer”. You stuttered. 

“I want her to love me but not because I am the king”.

“Wow..you are really something. Respect!”.

Gojo threw his head back and laughed. 

“Wait! Is that why you appointed me? So you could ask me for tips to impress a woman? Oh my god your-highness!”. You laughed and shook your head. “Such a terrible decision!”. You shook your head and continued to laugh.

Gojo looked at you, it had been years since he last laughed like this. Since he was this happy. He watched your curly dance in the air as you shook your head, how your lips were tainted wine red and he was sure they would taste heavenly, the blush on your cheeks had his head spinning. He couldn’t believe that this was finally happening. He had waited twenty years for this moment and he was glad he did. 

“Alright, Your highness, I should leave now. Can’t be drunk and sleep deprived on duty”. You began to stand up and Gojo followed. Blood rushed to your head and dark spots lined your vision and you tripped backwards but instead of falling back you balanced yourself in the last second, leaving Gojo’s arm hanging behind you. “Woopsie! Sorry about that”. You chuckled and kept your glass on the side table. 

Gojo smiled and shook his head. Sometimes he forgot that this is all new for you. He had to be cautious and earn your trust the right way. One wrong move can push you away and he could not afford that. “Goodnight, y/n”.

“Goodnight, your-highness”.

Gojo stood on his balcony, leaning against the marble railing and sipping the last of wine but from your glass. Somehow it tasted sweeter. He watched your window keenly, waiting for you to reach. When the lights flicked on, he smiled to himself. He waited until the lights turned off and walked back in with a smile on his face.

-X-

The sun shone bright in the sky as you and Gojo sat under the shade of the tent and watched other soldiers spar. It was part of the regular training and it was his duty as the King to be present and motivate the soldiers. You sat next to him in a less ornamented chair and watched keenly. Few years ago you had been one of them, though you doubted if Gojo ever came to see you fight. But regardless, two hunks sparing was a sight to behold. Yes you were on duty but you could indulge in some eye candy. The soldiers fought in only loose trousers hanging low on the hip, you watched as their muscles flexed and relaxed under the sun.

“Y/n..”. Gojo called out to you but you seem distracted. “..y/n!”. He called out again and you snapped your head in his direction. 

“Yes! Your-highness!”.

“Enjoying the show?”. Gojo asked, frowning at the slight blush on your cheeks.

“Who wouldn’t?”. You retorted. 

Gojo bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. He turned his head towards the soldiers and cursed himself for bringing you here. What was he thinking, letting you watch half-naked soldiers brawl with each other?  He stood up and started unbuttoning his coat. 

You stood up behind him, “Your-highness, what are you doing?”.

“I think it would be really motivating for the troops to see me fight, don’t you agree?”. Gojo smirked as he handed you the coat and began unbuttoning his shirt. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea”.

“Why not?”. Gojo asked, struggling with one particular button.

“It can be dangerous”.

Goojo paused and stared at the ground. It was a massive hit on his ego. You thought him to be weak. “What did you say?”.

You sucked in a sharp breath and clutched his coat in your hand. “I..I mean that, you are a sorcerer and these men are not. It wouldn’t be a fair fight”.

“Who said that I was going to use any curse techniques?” He frowned. 

You could sense that you had offended him to some degree but there was no going back. He had an innate ability to sense lies and you did not want to risk lying on top of insulting him. “These men have relied only on their capabilities and strength to survive on battlefields. That’s all they know”.

Gojo hummed. “Pick one”.

“Pick one..what?”.

Gojo turned towards you with his shirt half buttoned and you had to fight every instinct to not avert your gaze. “Pick the strongest soldier”. 

“I don’t think that’s a good-”.

“y/n…Pick one.Now”. Gojo spoke sternly.

You remained silent, your quick tongue had gotten you into this place. You stared at him blankly, hoping that he would give up his pursuit soon. “You are the strong-”.

“Y/n!”. Gojo yelled, you flinched, everyone stopped and stared.

You let out a shuddered breath and looked at the row of soldiers, standing tall with their hands behind their back. Each of them seemed capable, yet your eyes landed on the one at the very end. He was almost as tall as Gojo and twice his size.You were unsure if you should really pick him or go for someone slightly weaker. But, Gojo had caught your gaze, he looked at the man and smiled like a devil. “Him? You think he is the strongest?”.

“Ye–yes, your-highness”. You admitted.

Gojo hummed and gestured for the man to step forward. He removed his shirt over his head in one quick motion and threw it on the chair. When you saw just how physically fit he was, it felt like someone punched all the air out of you. Who, in a million, years would have guessed that this existed beneath all those layers of clothes. Sure he was tall and broad but who could have guessed that he was this fit? You had spent years in camps with some of the strongest men in the kingdom but you knew now that they didn’t call him the strongest for his curse techniques alone. When Gojo stood opposite to the other soldier, you suddenly felt bad for the poor man. Gojo not only, towered over the man but also there was hardly any difference in their physical form.

They shook hands and bowed curtly and began. You were erect in your place, like a statue of a shell-shocked woman. As you watched Gojo deflect and attack in the same breath you wondered if it was even possible to do so.It was a move you had tried many times but failed to perfect and Gojo did it like it was as easy as breathing .The dust from the ground now clung to his skin and when the two men locked hands you knew it was over for the other guy. You realized…witnessed the difference between size and strength. Though you were no sorcerer, it was evident that Gojo was not using any curse techniques. Everything was raw and real. You could see the other soldier struggling to retain balance as Gojo landed one attack after another, hardly letting the other man catch his breath. The soldier was getting angry too, you could tell it was a matter of self respect for him as well and he was really giving it his all.You looked at Gojo and swallowed painfully, He was angry .A gust of wind had you covering your eye with the back of your hand to shield it from the dust, when the wind settled and you brought your hand down, you heard cheering and clapping. Amidst the cloud of dust you saw Gojo walking towards you, he had no expression on his face. He wasn’t happy that he won. People were cheering for him and yet it didn’t faze him. He refused to look at you and took the coat from your hand and walked away.

“Your-highness!”. You yelled as you chased after him. He didn’t even bother to look back as you ran through the corridors after him. “Your-highness!”. You huffed as you caught up to him but he refused to stop and kept walking. You tried your best to keep up with his long strides but it wasn’t easy. He had never walked this fast. “I..I apologize for my-“. 

Before you could finish that sentence, with one flick of his finger Gojo shut the door on your face. You stepped back and stared at the door. He was mad at you. “Fuck”. You muttered under your breath and took your place outside the door. 

Gojo rested his head against the rim of the marble tub and closed his eyes. His anger was slowly fading away with the ache in his muscle. He had to do it, he thought to himself, he had to show you that he wasn’t physically weak only because he had cursed techniques. It hurt him that you undermined him. It hurt him that you thought he needed protection when it was his job to protect you. He remembered the glint in your eyes as you saw the men fight, it was only natural for a fellow soldier to admire and respect the strength of others but it hurt him. Only he deserved to be admired by you. It hurt him to not see you the entire day, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bear the look of admiration for another man in your eye. 

Gojo stepped on the balcony in his velvet robe and looked at your window, the lights were off. It was well past dinner time and usually this was the time you would be in your room, reading a book. Then why are your lights off? Why weren’t you in your room? Were you out with someone else? Your friend, Niko? Or one of the men you met today? His blood boiled and he stormed out of his room and walked down the hallway connecting his bedroom and office through a back door. He was hoping to find you in the office, waiting for him with a bottle of wine but he found the office just as dark and empty as your bedroom. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair.His mistakes finally caught up to him and now he couldn’t shake off the look on your face when he yelled at you. He closed his eyes shut and cursed himself, he treated you badly. He realized that now. He had to apologize to you, He had to correct his mistakes.He was about to send a signal to locate you when he heard a faint noise coming from the other side of the door.

Gojo walked slowly towards the door, immediately turning on his infinity. He pressed his palm flatly against the wood, trying to catch a hint of curse energy but found nothing. He frowned and slowly opened the door. 

“Your-highness!”. You straightened up immediately when you saw Gojo through the crack in the door.

“Y/n?”.Gojo frowned. “Yes, your-highness!”.

Gojo opened the door completely and looked either way but found no one. “What..what are you doing here?”.

You bit your lip nervously as you tried to keep your eyes away from his partially exposed chest. Now that you had seen him, it was hard to not imagine what lies underneath the robe. “You haven’t dismissed me yet, your-highness?”.

Gojo opened his mouth to say something but shook his head, “You..you have been here all day..because I didn’t dismiss you for the day?”.

“Yes,your-highness!”.

Gojo’s heart sank to his stomach. He looked at you, even in the dim lights, he could tell you were tired. “You are dismissed for the day”. Gojo added. He could see your posture relax as you indeed and gave a curt bow. 

“Goodnight, your-highness”. You turned around to walk away but Gojo was quick to grab your wrist.

“Stay”. He said. 

You turned around, and glared at him,”Why?”.

Gojo let go of your wrist and took a deep breath. “Have dinner with me”. 

“Is that an order?”. 

Gojo sighed, “No. It’s a..request”.

You raised a brow, “It didn’t sound like one”.

“Will you…please…have dinner with me?”. Gojo asked, hesitantly. This was probably the fourth time in his life he had to request something. 

“Are you still mad at me?”. Gojo asked, as he watched you finish your second bowl of rice”.

“Yes”. You replied, not looking at him and leaning over to grab the bowl of soup. 

“Why?”. Gojo whined and slid the soup bowl towards you.

“You yelled at me!”. You said, slamming the bowl on the table

“You undermined me in front of everyone”. Gojo added.

“I didn’t undermine you. I was just protecting you. That’s my job!”. You replied, while struggling to open the bottle of wine.

“No! You..you thought that I was not strong enough!”. Gojo grabbed the bottle from you and opened it in one go.

“And you proved me wrong so congratulations you won!”. You huffed, pouring the wine in two goblets.

“Then why are you still mad at me?!”.

“Because…you slammed the door in my face, refused to listen to me, and made me stand out there all day!”.

Uncomfortable silence lingered in the air. Gojo could see how hurt you were and it pained him. He didn’t touch his food because he was convinced that he didn’t deserve to eat.

“I..I’m sorry.. I should not have done that”. Gojo said.

“It’s not like it matters anyway”. You bit your lip and looked away from him.

“It does. It hurts me that I have hurt you. So please forgive me y/n. Tell me how do I make it up to you?”.

You looked at him with a frown on your face and then it hit you. Your frown turned into amusement and you stood up slamming your palm on the table, “Train with me!”. 

“What?”. Gojo chuckled.

“If you want to make it up to me then train with me”. You shrugged.

Gojo threw his head back and laughed.Were you really asking him to physically brawl with him? Like he could even bring his body to attack you. .“That’s not possible”. He added, shaking his head.

“Why not?”. You leaned forward, slamming your fist on the table. “If you can spar with those men then why not with me?”.

“Because..you are..you!”.

You poked your cheek with your tongue and nodded your head as you sat back down. “I see. Is it because you are the King?”.

Gojo looked at you, he wished he could tell you that it was because he cannot bring himself to hurt you even if it was for practice. “Yes..”.

You hummed in response. Obviously a King could not just train with you. It didn’t make any sense and you felt silly for even asking, “I guess then I will have to ask one of those men to train with me. I can’t-”.

“But I will make an exception for you!”. Gojo cut you off. The moment you said that his mind went into a frenzy. Another man sparring with you? Touching you? Throwing you on the ground? No. No. No. This was the perfect chance for him to get close to you.

“Seriously? Would you really?”. You asked, wide-eyed and excited.

“Yes. If it means that you forgive me”.

You smiled widely, “forgive you for what? You didn’t do anything wrong! You are the best King ever!”. You squealed with excitement.

Gojo laughed at how adorable you were. He rested his chin on his hand and watched you excitedly drink wine.  “So you agree that I am strong?”.

“Oh! Don’t even get me started on that! I don’t usually enjoy being proven wrong but I was pleasantly surprised!”.

Gojo watched with a satisfied smile as you went on to describe every move he made animatedly and how you wished you could do that instead. He didn’t even need to touch his wine to get drunk. Your words, your eyes, your smile was more intoxicating than all the wine of of the Kingdom combined.

@arisucat @bubera974 @ritsatoru @yevene @sofi786 @mokonasenpaiposts @allofffmypeaches @monsieurgucchi

@lilith412426

[ryescapades]

Hiii!! I was recently reading some of your writings which absolutely slap ‼️

A scenario came to mind after recently reading a webtoon named Pure Villain(which I defo recommend) and I was wondering if i would be able to request a Narumi Gen x Mitsuri!Reader where the reader is a new officer added into the first division and is somehow on par or even stronger than Narumi himself??

And similarly to Mitsuri i was hoping she would have joined the KDF to help find a man and due to her being so strong and what’s better than fining a man who’s part of the KDF!? And for a little prompt if needed then maybe add a moment where Narumi needs support or in trouble with a Kaiju she’s there to help!!

wild heart | kaiju no.8

— sure, you've thought about giving up on love sometimes, but that doesn't mean you had completely lost hope. luckily, narumi is there to burn that hope back aflame.

genre/warning: narumi gen x fem mitsuri!reader, fluff, reader's former division is not mentioned, set in pre-canon timeline (around b-side era probably??)

a/n: sorry for the delay and thank you for the request anon!! hope i got everything down as per your req :> i read a few chapters of pure villain too!! wanted to understand the plotline so that i could write this better. maybe i'll read the rest of it once i'm through w all my other work TT

1.97k wc

"you're amazing and all, y/n-san. but i'm sorry, you're just not my type,"

it's been... what? three times? four? five??? you don't even know. you don't bother keeping track anymore. it's always the same reason in the end. confessing to boys you've had a crush on throughout your adolescent years had become something you would dread every time.

you confessed, they acknowledged your immense strength, how clever you were, and then ended up rejecting you, saying you're not their type. which was utter crap in your opinion. those were definitely backhanded compliments.

you've never pointed that out to them, obviously. you were too nice for that.

regardless still, were they intimidated? did they refuse because you were too strong for them? too strategically intelligent for your age? did they just want a sweet, pretty book smart girl as a partner instead?

or maybe it's just the boys from your old high school who were like that. or the ones from the neutralization college that you used to attend. who the heck knows?

hence growing up, you've learned not to easily be swayed by and get attached to those who were too sweet and too friendly, locking away your fragile heart. if you were to settle down, you'd decided it would be with someone who is as strong, as capable and as brilliant as you are. an equal, if not more.

"starting today, all of you here will officially be appointed as defense force officers,"

and where else can you find such a capable partner if not the jakdf?

assigned as the representative of your batch after scoring the highest in most categories, everyone in the division admired you. you were sweet, kind and passionate in your job. not once have you gone a day without expressing your compassion and honest praises to others.

even your superiors admitted you were one of a kind, a talent so outstanding they almost offered you a high-ranked position if not for your current lack of experience in the field at that time.

as you progressed further in the division, you'd become close to your fellow officers. fighting and training alongside them, getting to know them better as you worked together during missions to neutralize kaiju. but alas, none of those you've met in the defense force ever caught your eye. they were astoundingly strong, sure. but no one has been it for you.

along the way, you'd almost gave up in believing that love was ever meant for you, now only focusing on honing your own talents and relishing the satisfaction of getting to save people from the monsters using said skills. it was only until one day you were conveyed a message to meet with your captain, though you were initially not informed of what business you were called for.

“you wanted to see me, captain?” you greet just as you enter the office, the usual shy and sweet smile plastered on your face.

"i received a letter from the headquarters. it's addressed to you," your captain says, handing over a piece of parchment paper.

you eyes rove over the lines of formal sentences as soon as you have the letter in your hands, eventually they widen upon registering the words in your head. "a transfer offer to the first division?" you ponder, fingers idly tracing the ink swirls.

your captain eyes you for a quick moment before speaking, "you should accept it. it's not often that the higher-ups themselves offer a place in the first division. it's a place for the elites, after all. not to mention they'd freshly appointed a new captain there," the almost-grimace in their expression at that last sentence does not go unnoticed by you.

your eyebrows raise in bewilderment, "must be someone extra, extra capable to be replacing captain shinomiya,"

"oh, he's capable, alright..." you hear your soon-to-be former captain mutter quietly, causing you to wonder just what kind of person the first division's new captain is.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

you don't even get to meet your new captain.

hell, you don't even get to introduce yourself to any of the first division members because as soon as you had arrived in koto ward which houses the ariake maritime base, there's already a kaiju attack happening.

you're about ten minutes drive away from the base when you were notified to engage in battle, quickly suiting up and your rifle at the ready as the vehicle you're in immediately changes direction to head towards the location of the attack.

an unfamiliar voice pings in your earpiece. "officer y/n? i'm hasegawa eiji, vice-captain of the first division. firstly, i'd have to apologize that you're not exactly receiving the best welcome to the base right now but we clearly have more pressing matters here,"

your head perks up at that. "no, vice-captain. i'm perfectly fine with it. if anything, i could maybe see how my skills can stack up with the best of the best there is," you say with a giddy smile growing on your face, barely holding in a squeal out of pure excitement..

there's a small chuckle before your new superior continues, "i hope you won't end up disappointed then. feel free to take down any yoju you see on the way here. i wish you luck, officer."

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

on the other side of the battlefield, narumi frowns as he stands perched on the edge of the bridge, looking over the kaiju in the distance.

the yoju is easy enough to handle. shoot the core, bam, dead. the honju, however, is quite a hassle to deal with. it's fast, incredibly fast. sure, narumi's RT-0001 is able to detect synaptic impulses and produce foresight, but that doesn't mean it's any easier when there's two of the same speedy type of kaiju raging around in the area.

it's even more of a hassle when those two looming honjus response almost similarly to the other, as if their minds are one and the same. what are they, freak twins or something? narumi scoffs, running a hand through his bicolored hair and shaking off the dust from his combat suit where he nearly got crushed twice consecutively between two humongous fists, one from each of the twin kaiju.

well, nothing his ridiculously immense power couldn't beat, actually. but still, it'd have been nice if there's something...— his thoughts are interrupted by a loud gunshot to his right, his head quickly snapping to the side in search of a potential threat.

narumi's expression switches to a mix of a surprise and a little confusion, staring at what seems to be an officer who has her hand holding a... winch cable? he glances at the tow truck nearby, taking note of the slight burnt mark at the spot where the winch cable is supposed to be attached to the crane.

what the heck is that person doing? he thinks incredulously.

when you first shot the pulley that once held the cable in place, you didn't think your plan would work. it's kind of impulsive and a bit suicidal if you were to carry it out alone, you'd thought. but there's nothing else you can come up with, so you end up proceeding with it.

grabbing a dagger strapped on the side of your thigh, you manage to tie several overhand knots with the cable around the hilt before straightening up, bracing yourself for your next action.

"i really shouldn't be doing this... i don't have a death wish. i don't! i'm not even married yet. i can't die now!" you rant to yourself, taking a deep breath. you don't notice that a certain captain is staring at you clumsily fussing to yourself from afar, he himself jolting in shock when you land a harsh slap on your own puffed cheeks, as if sensing the pain himself.

you let out one last exhale before swiftly making your move, dashing forwards with the cable-tied dagger in your hand. your plan consists of only two moves; stab and wrap. stab the dagger into the leg of one of the kaiju, and then with your agility, wrap the cable around both its legs to hinder its movement.

you succeed in doing those two steps, of course. now who's going to get the second honju while you kill the first one? the cable isn't long enough to cover both giants. you could only pray that there's someone around strong enough to do that...

and pray you did.

because as soon as one of the honju had fallen down from having both its legs trapped together, you almost didn't notice the figure rushing forwards beside you, taking the same stance as you ready your rifle, pulling the trigger to finally finish off the first fallen honju at the same time the person next to you pulls his, two explosive gunshots ringing at the same time throughout the area.

the twin monsters fall dead simultaneously, blood pouring out of the large gaping holes as you stagger slightly, not aware of the overuse of your high combat power. a sudden but warm hand immediately grip your bicep, startling you from your exhaustion.

"how did you—?" narumi's astonished. you're so... powerful. you're also flexible and quick on your feet, maneuvering yourself around the stomping feet of the twin kaiju with so much ease. that blow you delivered with your measly rifle was almost as lethal as his own bayonet. probably the same type as ashiro, he wonders.

he stops for a second when he gets a good look on your face. "you're the newbie, aren't you?" he realizes as you too, survey him and his appearance with curious eyes. one thought comes to your mind almost right off the the bat when your sparkling eyes land on him.

"pretty..."

"... what?"

"what?"

the two of you stare at each other, dumbstruck for a moment. the man's cheeks flare, heat creeping up his neck that has your pupils zeroing on them out of pure fascination. "you just said i'm— i..." he sputters, causing you to finally grasp what you had just said. "oh my! sorry, i didn't mean to say that out loud," your own cheeks flush slightly, though your apology doesn't really sound like you mean it at all.

"you— you know what, nevermind! if i wasn't such a nice captain, i would've questioned you for your lack of respect! now report yourself to me, officer!" he fumes, still feeling the abnormal heat under his skin.

your mouth gapes at his statement, your mind backtracking to the fight earlier and remembering how he had quickly yet silently arrived to your aid when you most needed it, how eruptive his killing shot had been, how big and strong his hand felt when he steadied you. of course he's a captain, out of all things.

the sound of heavy footsteps approaching you interrupts both of your predicament. "ah, i see you've met the latest addition to our squad. narumi, allow me to introduce you to your new division member, officer y/n," the burly older man who you assume to be hasegawa states, sending a respectful nod towards your direction.

you've only heard of the name in passing, never seen the person himself as you were constantly stuck in your old division, never really had the chance to venture out on faraway missions and he was barely an icon only until recently. the most naturally talented soldier, on his way to become the strongest combatant of japan's defense force.

and he's your captain.

you don't bother looking at the second-in-command, too engrossed in observing the utterly gorgeous specimen of a man that is narumi gen. your heart thunders against your ribcage, the vibration steady yet tumultuous as if it's trying to free the organ from the chains binding around it.

he's it. he's the one for you. you just know it.

not a narumi fic of mine if it doesn't consist of at least one(1) blushing narumi lol /hj

©🅁🅈🄴🅂🄲🄰🄿🄰🄳🄴🅂. do not steal, translate or repost my work anywhere else !

[nanowrimo]

Pro Tips from a NaNo Coach: How to Write a Clean(ish) Fast Draft

NaNoWriMo can seem like a daunting task sometimes, for NaNo newbies and veterans alike. Fortunately, our NaNo Coaches are here to help guide you through November! Today, author Jesse Q. Sutanto is here to share her advice on how to set yourself up for noveling success:

Dear Nano-ers,

My first book took me three years to cobble together. During that time, I joined Absolute Write—a free writers forum which I completely love and recommend to all aspiring writers—and I made a friend who convinced me to try doing NaNoWriMo. I was completely unconvinced, but I am a people-pleaser and I can never say no, so I agreed to try it for my second novel.

My second novel took me less than a month to write. It was a complete mess, but it was also a revelation. Often, I felt myself falling into that writing Holy Grail—the hole which consumes you, makes you forget the rest of the world, and absorbs you completely in the world you are creating on paper. I loved the process deeply, and never looked back since. All of my subsequent books have since been written in a matter of months. 

And you know what? They were all a horrific mess. I did not learn how to do a clean and fast draft until my NINTH book, and I don’t think I would’ve ever learnt without the help of NaNoWriMo. So here are my tips on how to best tackle a sprint-a-thon like NaNo. 

1. Try to come up with a loose outline.

When I first started writing, I was a pure pantser. I had no idea what was going to happen before I sat down to write. This is a completely legit way of writing, but I have since learned that it is massively helpful to have an idea, even a vague one, of what you are trying to say with your book. What was really helpful for me was to sit down for just five minutes before writing each scene and try to envision what I wanted the scene to achieve. Once I had that in mind, the scene became much easier to write. 

2. Break down your writing time.

Ever heard of the Pomodoro technique? In order to hit 50,000 words a month, you need to write around 1,600 words a day. That is a heck of a lot of words to write! Break it down. Set 10 or 15-minute timers and use that to your advantage. Trust me, if you told me to sit down and write 1,600 words, I would be like, “Omg that’s too much!” But if you told me to just write for 15 minutes, that feels a lot more doable. 

3. Give yourself permission to write trash.

Before each writing session, I actually say out loud: “I am going to write trash.” And this gives me permission to write whatever comes to my mind without judgment. You can always edit later, but for now, focus on letting the words out on paper. 

4. Lean on others for support.

I made the mistake of thinking that writing is a lonely vocation. In fact, it is one of the most social things I could do. Social media, while a double-edged sword, has done so much for the writing community. I have found all of my close writer friends through social media, and I chat with them every day and consider them my close, lifelong friends. Don’t be afraid to reach out and make connections within the community. You are not alone. 

Jesse Q. Sutanto is the award-winning, bestselling author of Dial A for Aunties, Vera Wong’s Unsolicited Advice for Murderers, Well, That Was Unexpected, The Obsession, and Theo Tan and the Fox Spirit. The film rights to her women’s fiction, Dial A for Aunties, was bought by Netflix in a competitive bidding war, and the TV rights to Vera Wong was bought by Warner Bros, with Oprah and Mindy Kaling attached to produce. She has a master’s degree in creative writing from Oxford University, though she hasn’t found a way of saying that without sounding obnoxious.

[katkat030]

Hermitcraft/Life Series Fic Recs!!!

I am absolutely insane about so many of these and I genuinely can't recommend them enough. Like the post that inspired this, I'll probably tag authors if I know their Tumblr urls, but please let me know if you want me to remove any and I will!

Fair warning that most of these have shipping!

-

But oh, the bloom by @sillyfairygarden (read here) ongoing.

Ough. Whimsy, Pearlescentmoon, the best version of desertduo I've ever read, and indecipherable sounds of me screaming. If there's one fic I ever want people to read, it's this one. There's a reason I'm putting this first, as much as I hate to pick favourites! Warning: you may will fall in love with the story. Possibly my favourite author - cannot recommend their works enough <3 (The Champion's Banquet also made me go not just a little insane)

It's an absolute necessity to highlight the tags on this one: blows a kiss to the sky. for all my pearliemoon lovers searching for wonder and whimsy in the world around you // Now with more angst! // a man leaves the life he loved to explore the beauty of the world

More fic recs under the cut!

you came at the brink of the end of the world by Anonymous/ @louiessleeplessnights (read here) ongoing.

I don't know how to even begin describing this. I think it made me fall in love with Boatem all over again. It's hilarious, sad, beautiful, Scar calls Grian trouble, they're both idiots and in love, and it's everything I'd look for in a published novel and so much more. This fic permanently altered my brain chemistry and I cannot recommend it enough times. SO SO SO well written. Warning: it's rated explicit, but a few updates ago it was just mature - chapter 20 and the first half of chapter 21 are the ones you might want to skip if that's not your jam! It's just kissing but it gets... a bit heated lmao.

An excerpt from the description:

[grian is falling from the sky, scar has more magic in his blood than he realized, and everyone else is so much better at seeing than they are]

-

Redstone and Skulk by @silverskye13 (read here) ongoing.

Once again lost on how to describe this. Could I leave it at "please please please please read it I love it so much", by any chance? The worldbuilding is so fleshed out, probably my favourite example of characterisation I've ever seen and the descriptions are everything.

Helsknight and Tanguish (the hels version of Tango) are the duo ever. There's no shipping in this, just intense platonic bonds and lifetime devotion featuring a cranky knight and a pathetic wet cat. I love them so much.

Excerpt from the description:

Tanguish is Tango's hels, and they get along a lot better than most hels and their hermits should. Unfortunately, the universe wasn't made to house both of them. Helsmets were made to return to their hermits eventually, making a complete person. Except what happens when the hels is the stronger of the two? What happens if they really don't want to be?

-

there are many downsides to being a marine biologist by donnerstag/ @martynsimp69 (read here) complete.

Unashamed to say I binge read this in exactly two days; 26 chapters, an epilogue, accompanying mermay oneshot collection (read here) and nearly crying later, I'm here to say you should totally check it out too. Because fis 🐠 and mermaid Martyn Warning: some unethical experimentation, and I think there's mention of alcohol.

-

Hot Tea by @tunastime (read here) complete.

The Ethubs fic ever (and the first one I ever read!) This is what introduced me to *gesturing vaguely* whatever the heck they have going on, and I haven't been the same since. Warning: brainrot.

I'm once again stealing something from the description since tumblr oh-so-helpfully destroyed half my draft:

“Let me over,” Bdubs says again, and as he sees Etho open his mouth in protest yet again, he lurches forward, stuttering out his words. He nearly knocks the tea out of his own hands. “Just—just for tonight. Just tonight.” Etho knows he has to divide the base between them. It's the only way to settle, now, knowing everything between them. How Bdubs shouldn't be there. Etho builds the fence. Etho divides them. And Etho divides himself in the process.

-

Between Us, We Have An Ocean by inkachu (read here) complete.

Only recommending this because it made me cry, and it's so well written. No shipping, just a foster care au in which Gem and Etho are... siblings. That doesn't even begin to cover how much the story really gripped me. It's soft, it's sweet, it's sad, it's amazing. Warning: I haven't cried while reading a book in probably a decade, and this is the one exception. Not to worry, I promise it won't hurt too much (saying how it ends would be a spoiler, but I promise the ending won't haunt you forever).

It's so gooood.

An excerpt from the description:

“My mum couldn’t take care of me, so she gave me to Canada.” Gem announced cheerily, swapping her red pencil for a yellow one, drawing what could only be a sun in the top corner of her page. “Then Canada found me a new mum.” Etho clicked his tongue. “Right.” “What about your mum?” “She uh, Couldn’t take care of me either. So I go to other people’s houses and they take care of me for her.”

-

From the Archives by @sixteenth-days (read here) complete.

there's also an extra bunch of character studies/AUs/very cool bonus stories called From the Archives: Marginalia (read here) complete (?)

riverbed and mouse hole/black hole from Marginalia are my personal favourites. Playing around with like the physical structure of a text that way is super inspirational. I have all of the main fics downloaded to reread offline whenever I'm travelling/away from home! There's no need to know anything about The Magnus Archives to understand - personally I'd never heard of it before reading this. Also no shipping in the main fic :)

-

lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart) by @definitelynotshouting (read here) (author's explanation of the premise here) ongoing.

Warning: I'll give the warning for this one straight up, there are heavy themes like suicide and depression - Grian is going through it! If you're going to read it at least heed the ao3 tags :)

I'm stealing an excerpt from the fic to explain this one:

This hunger is a low rumble deep at the core of him, steady in the same way one might test a newly healed bone. The kind of fragile after a respawn, when your skin has knit together but the echo of pain still lingers. It doesn't hold him hostage anymore– he can muster the strength to look past it, and that, out of everything that's happened to him over the past year, is what's most frightening.

-

Time to Kill Today by RimeThyme/ @going-to-the-sun (read here)

Featuring THE Ethubs song ever, some cool references to Mindcrack, and a really ineresting take on their relationship over the years. <33 read it, you won't regret it!

-

Laugh rule - list of titles that made me laugh, mainly oneshots

THE DIVORCE OF THE CENTURY by glossyblue/ @good-chimes (read here)

The Government Institute for Ghost Supervision (G.I.G.S.) by glossyblue (read here)

The Rules of Buttercup Camp by glossyblue (read here)

Dead Heat by glossyblue (read here)

Interlude from Another Reality: Married Life by sixteenthdays (read here)

-

Okay 2 more fic recs and I'm done, I promise xD

You Could've Applied Online by Anonymous (read here)

Actually hilarious and such fun to read! Stealing something from the description again:

Bdubs stuttered over his words, hand holding the knife tensing around the handle as he looked around the room. Was he being pranked? Did Scar do this? He couldn’t think of another conversation that had confused him more than this. Etho’s eyes crinkled around the edges, mouth subtly changing into what Bdubs imagined was a smile as he felt irritation creep into his mind. “You’re joking right now.” Another shift under the mask. He was definitely smiling now. “How’d you guess?” Or: Bdubs kills someone (on purpose), makes people angry (NOT on purpose), and somehow gets a boyfriend in the process. Or was he a bodyguard? Bdubs doesn't really know himself. Oh, and Etho just wants to pay his rent on time. Preferably without another dead roommate.

-

Spring Blossoms by Fire_Cat (read here)

Ethubs, Stardew Valley-esque. Super fun read, highly recommend :D

Stealing from the description once more:

Burnt out and exhausted with city life, Etho packs up and moves to the old abandoned farm his parents owned before he was born. It's sat empty for thirty years and it's not in a good state, but he's determined to make the most of it. The town is full of good people, and he quickly finds friendship in abundance. Amongst them all though, one stands out. Bdubs is kind and funny and exceptionally talented at a number of things. He's handsome too, and Etho can't help but crush on him, just a little bit. They get along fantastically right from day one, but Etho keeps his feelings to himself. It's just a crush, it'll go away. And besides, it's not like Bdubs would ever like him back... Right?'

-

If you end up reading and enjoying any of these, PLEASE go and give the authors some love in the comments! Writing really isn't an easy feat (or quick)

[pinkyqil]

Loses and Kisses

Warning: mention of suicide if you know you're going through a hard time I wouldn't recommend you read this and you should take care of yourself and mental health and your always appreciated , grammar mistakes, basically a sad love story, misunderstanding

A/n: I wrote this late at night and in one sitting so it can seem a little all over, and also I'm a fearly new writer so of course my work wouldn't be the best and feedbacks are always appreciated !!!

Today happened too be one of those days where the clouds are grey the winds are high but sunny enough for the prefect weather . also the day Yun decided to confess her love to her bestfriend bada . They've known each other since childhood til there now adulthood . from being the angry playground girl to bestfriends for life.

Yun had decided on this very day that she would confess her love to her bestfriend no matter what circumstances and nothing would stop her . everything had been planned out they'meet up at there favorite side of the beach for their little picnic she had planned and also a walk on the beach that they normally do but would be the moment she confess.

Right but nothing was going to go wrong she thought ! oh was she very wrong . everything that was meant to happen didn't and she would lose it all.

Tuesday October 12th 2014

Yun had invited bada to the beach has planned everything going well.both girls are clearing everything up.

Yun accidentally dropping a utensil and they both bent to pick it up but suddenly felt a shock has there hands touch there laughter could be heard has the wind blows.

Deciding to move out the hair that's blocking out her bestfriends face and pulling her in for a kiss would have been a very dreadful mistakes has the next thing she knows is being pushed over on the sanding floor. And getting yelled at by a surprised bada who wasn't expecting that.

What the heck was that for yun. says bada has she's picking up her stuff to leave the site and to think about what just happened . Yun on the other hand couldn't comprehend everything that just happened in that second,

shocked and stil on the sanding floor with tears rolling down her eyes and questioning why she would do that. Unable to say anything while wachting the woman she loved most leave her sight had to be the most heartbreaking thing she ever felt .

On the side would have be a student who knows both women and goes to there school witnessing the whole situation and recoding it. Hitting send to having it sent to the school web for everyone to see.

The next day Yun had planned to apologize to bada for the whole accident not wanting to lose her bestfriend. Has she stepped foot into the school building to find bada at her locker side.

all she got we're random stares and insult from people she knows or never interact with which was not what she was used to on her daily basis but had ignored it.

making her way to bada but being stopped by one of her close friends tatter. who had pulled her to the side shoving her phone to her face playing the video from yesterday event.

Where did you get that from said Yun. It all over the school web and you need to stay away from bada has she's getting all this unnecessary backlash even though it was you who kissed her first replied tatter.

Trying to get something out of her mouth but begin hushed up wasn't helping her situation while getting surrendered by multiple students. All she could do was try getting out of that space and too just exit the school.

It had been 12 days since Yun had last gone to school .

locked up in her room reading the comments on the video most of it begin the most hateful and disgusting stuff. most of it being from close friends or others family members the one's she knows and doesn't.

October 24th 8:54 Yun had decided she had enough of everything and everyone processing to end her life and leaving only a note behind for her loved ones.

BADARI : Yun I'm sorry for reacting the way i did that day just needed some time to myself too think about everything, ever since that day I couldn't stop thinking about you and how much i love you since we're always stuck to each other till now please come back so we can talk it out I could careless about what other's would say.

Sent at 8:54

Yun would end her life not knowing she got the message she wanted to know only if she had 4 more minutes.

Yun had been discovered by her mother who couldn't bear the pain of losing her one and only child and having to announce it to the people who had caused her this much pain.

November 4th Yun funeral

A few people had attended bada and her parents and Yun's mum who couldn't invite anyone else knowing. most people had hated her and also for being the reason why her daughter is gone.

after the funeral Yun's mum handed bada the letter yun had wrote which she found on her desk.

Tears driping down her teary face has she read the letter.

Dear bada i am very sorry for everything that happened and you getting the blame belive me if i could do anything i would but am writing this one thing i absolutely regret do not regret the kiss we had in fact it was the best thing i've ever experienced in my life and am absolutely sorry that i couldn't face you and everyone else i just want you to know that i'll always love you in this life and ever other one you always be my first and last love no matter what so please take care of yourself and move on to become the amazing dancer you were meant to be

-love your dearest yuni

I'll always love you whispered bada while hugging the letter.

THE END

[olympeline]

Been thinking about why I found Arthur in the Dark so impressive and it made me realise something kinda significant. Something significant that I’m going to put under a read more because it revolves around a heavy subject. So I wouldn’t advise looking beyond the cut if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing.

Less important, but everything below is a big spoiler and, guys seriously. If you like USUK and can handle darker fiction - no pun intended - give AitD a try. Don’t spoil yourself here. Go try it first and then come back if you’re interested. Try it if you’re neutral on USUK. Or, heck, even if USUK is a ship you dislike but isn’t an outright NOTP. I’d still recommend checking out this comic. Arthur in the Dark is still worth a read in my opinion. It’s that good. But enough gushing. Read on for the meat of this post.

Ready? Here we go: Arthur in the Dark has one of the best depictions of rape I’ve ever seen in a piece of media. “Best” as in most skillfully crafted for narrative purposes. Honestly and truly. Not even kidding. Which is kind of amazing considering it’s a depiction that came from a fan comic based on a jokey, anime gag series. Why do I feel this way? A couple of reasons:

Firstly, the rape in AitD is frighteningly, tragically realistic. Something the majority of fictional rapes are not. We tend to think of rape as taking place in a dark alley in the inner city. Stereotyping up a scene of a bottom feeder, criminal man dragging a (young, attractive) woman away to violate her. They’re usually total strangers and it’s always violent. These kind of rapes do happen, but statistics tell us they’re the minority. The majority of rapes happen like the one in AitD did: between two people who know each other well. Friends, romantic couples, even family members, make up the bulk of rapists and their victims.

Most narratives prefer the less common type of rape. Usually because the creator doesn’t want to tell a story about rape. Not really. What they want is a gut-punch to add easy drama and darkness to their creation. The sliding scale of “irredeemable bad guy” roughly goes: murderer → cold blooded torturer → rapist → child rapist. Making a villain a rapist is one of the worst things he - because 99% of the time it’s a he - can be. Conversely having a character be raped gains them instant sympathy because people are moral and empathetic creatures at heart. Most creators know this and throw in a rape for the shorthand: “Look how evil our villain is!” Which often makes the rape and its aftermath feel artificial. In no small part because the rapist characters, by virtue of being written to be the worst of the worst, don’t come off as very human. They can’t be when their main purpose is to be loathed by the audience. I could go on because there’s tons more to unpack about rape in fiction, but you get the point.

The rape in AitD isn’t like that. America and England know and love each other. Their relationship is complicated (oh boy, is it ever!) but that part of it is never in doubt. They’re each other’s most treasured person and have been for centuries. They’re not a duo made up of a flat, hate bait, villain on a collision course with their victim. Who’s doomed to suffer and be pitied until the creator decides the audience has had enough of their trauma and shuts it away so the story can move on. America and England are two people living together, going through a period of immense change and stress, trying to manage as best they can, and sometimes getting it very wrong. From a narrative point of view, this makes what happens between them so much better and so much more upsetting at the same time.

Which brings me nicely to reason number two of why this particular rape works: the build up. Like everything else in AitD, America raping England is carefully planned out and set up. The chocolate bar scene, man. Brilliant, I have to say. Alarming, uncomfortable, and brilliant. The scene in the garden is not just sprung on the reader for a jarring “Oh no! Oh shit-!” moment. If your typical under written rape is a cheap jump scare, the rape in AitD is a carefully crafted slowburn dread. Early on we start to become aware we’re building to something bad. From the foreshadowing, the art, the atmosphere, etc. We just know a storm is coming. It’s done without America acting OOC too, which is very important. It’s how he can come back from what he did. Something that would be impossible if the author didn’t handle this setup well. America’s actions aren’t right, but they are understandable. That’s the crucial distinction. The psychology of the whole thing is so very well done. America was in love with England and had been for a long time. The guilt he felt tormented him because of what their relationship was in the past. Caught between his human side and his immortal one. The guilt helped keep America in check because he didn’t want England seeing the lustful way he’d begun to look at him. Then they started living together and England was suddenly vulnerable. Vulnerable in more ways than America was aware. Which is another vital detail of how the creator keeps America sympathetic, but more on that in a moment. England willingly went blind so he wouldn’t have to see when America - the man grown from the child he raised - looked at him with lust. The guilt America felt peaked, only to clash with the realisation that he could freely indulge in his fantasies. Indulge and push (again, chocolate bar scene) now the usual moral restraint - England seeing his desire - was removed.

Meanwhile, England himself felt that same guilt but his was also laced with panic and despair. He didn’t want to lose or strain his relationship with the most important person of his centuries long life. Pulled between human standards of morality and the very inhuman existence of nation-people. Incidentally the clash between their existence as humans, while also being something more than human, is brilliantly done in AitD. It’s something that’s hard to get right - especially involving such taboo topics - but Hotama nails it. USUK usually handwaves the implications around England raising America, but here it’s made part of the narrative. Part of the tragedy, part of the resolution. Good stuff. Anyway, England begged Arthur to take his sight away so he wouldn’t have to see the way America looked at him. Then banished Arthur back into the dark in an attempt to run away from his problems. But without Arthur - without his strength - England couldn’t stand up to America when he needed to. Not that America was aware of any of this because he never knew about Arthur. Which brings me to point three: nuance of blame.

“Blame” is a very loaded word in this context, so I’ll do my best to talk about this carefully. Rape in the media is almost always black and white. Absolutely evil, irredeemable rapist. Absolutely blameless, sympathetic victim. But real life isn’t always that simple. Obviously the rapist is always the perpetrator and the one most in the wrong. I need to make that very clear. But the scene in AitD illustrates that sometimes a victim could have done more to help themselves. Not always, but sometimes. This is a delicate subject so I hope you understand I’m not trying to victim blame. Just saying that rape, like all crimes, doesn’t always deal in absolutes. Unlike media, real life is often complicated and tragic. Good people can give in to temptation. Be weak, do bad things, or allow those bad things to happen. England told America to stop, but failed to follow it up when needed. When America pushed for more and used England’s own words to argue he’d already been given consent, that was when England needed to push back. Interpretation comes in here but, personally, I think if England had told America to stop when prompted, America would have. But England didn’t and he gave in instead. Something America took as a tacit “yes.” Again, not right, but understandable in how it could happen. Their power imbalance had grown extreme, stress and feelings were running high, they were struggling to connect as they used to, England’s prior cowardice and separation from Arthur prevented him from being strong when he needed to be, America was ignorant of his problem, and it all came together in a horrible, tragic mistake. All throughout, the rape continued to be brilliantly, awfully realistic. America not noticing - either genuinely or from denial - that England was not enjoying what was happening. England quickly becoming too distracted by the pain to do anything other than focus on enduring it. Then the aftermath where America didn’t realise what he’d just done due to coming down from a post-sex, post-stress euphoria. Awful, miserable, horrifying, tragic, perfectly crafted scene.

Which brings me to my final reason why this comic impressed me in its depiction of rape: where the story goes from there. Where it goes and how the narrative builds from the rape instead of trying to move on because the “shocking” part is over and now we’re in diminishing returns. Going back to my first point, too many stories see rape as something that happens in an isolated part of the narrative. It happened, it was shocking and brutal, now it’s done and we can move on because we didn’t plan to interweve the rape with the rest of the story. So we won’t give it the weight it needs. At best the victim might get a few scenes expressing their trauma later on - maybe a callback or two - but that’s it. It’s shallow. Plenty of fictional rapes could be replaced with a savage beating and nothing would change. In the worst cases you could remove the rape, not replace it with anything, then run the story with minimal problems. Not so in AitD. There, the rape isn’t just another semi-important plot point. It’s a crucial one which couldn’t be replaced with anything else. The whole first part of the story, the engine of the narrative, is built around America and England failing to deal with their changing relationship. A relationship between a pair of humans who also happen to be strange, immortal beings that ordinary humans can’t understand. Changing from platonic/familial to romantic over hundreds of years. With romance comes lust. Lust can be perfectly healthy just like any other bodily appetite. In this case it became twisted by circumstance, and the only “suitable” narrative payoff was rape. Nothing else would have had the necessary impact.

Then there’s how the rape compares to the final sex scene in some classic narrative juxtaposition. The final sex scene which happens to be the only one in the comic that’s fully consensual on both sides. The one that goes beyond sex and becomes real, honest to goodness lovemaking. It’s a perfect contrast. The rape scene had all the trappings of a classic romance. Right down to it being their first time and taking place in a rose garden. But it’s tragic, horrifying, and deeply unsexy. Then, near the end of their story, America and Arthur get lost on their road trip and have sex in their car. Their crappy, cramped car, where they’re surrounded by ordinary luggage, both of them sweaty and a little cranky with each other after a long day. It’s awkward, ordinary, imperfect and gorgeous. If we didn’t have the rape before to show us the nadir of this relationship, the healing and the dawn that came after wouldn’t be half so meaningful. A very strange thing to say without context, but it was a perfectly done rape that gave the audience the payoff of perfectly done lovemaking. It’s no small feat to get a reader to cheer for a romantic resolution after all of the above. Kind of in awe of Hotama’s skills, I tell you what.

Up to this point and I don’t know what else there is to say other than, geez. This comic, man. Blew me away. I’m so happy I rediscovered my interest in Hetalia if for no other reason than I got to read Arthur in the Dark. I’m a bit of a bookworm in my spare time and I’ve read quite a lot of classic literature over the years. Classic literature with rape scenes not crafted half so well as AitD did. Really think about that. An amateur fan comic based on a jokey gag series about national personifications being silly with each other. Did better at something than the books we hold up as the best of the best. Can’t really say anything else than that is genuinely bloody amazing

[moomoog017]

fics ᯓᡣ𐭩 blue doesn't always have to mean sadness

Captain Rex x GN!Reader

Synopsis: You feel lost, like you've made a bad choice. But Rex is there to comfort you.

Genre: Some angst, but fluff and comfort

Word Count: 701

Warnings: talk about not feeling well mentally but there's no in depth.

A/N: I need some Rex comfort and I'm here to share my pookies.

Recommended Song:

You had tried to think positively but there was still a lingering darkness in your mind. If it wasn’t for your friends you’d be in a pit. You felt confused and lost, not knowing what the future would bring. It scared you. Was this the right decision or was it hurting you more, you didn’t know anymore…

“Hey you ok?” Rex would ask you. The sweet and caring tone carried through his voice. A solemn smile crossed your mouth, “yeah I’m fine.” This went on for a week and Rex was getting worried about you. Because you didn’t come to him he came to you instead.

There was a knock at the door. You panicked trying to keep yourself together. “It’s me…Rex,” there was an uncertainty to his words but he was here regardless. You walked over, opening the door slowly. “Hey Rex,” your eyes were a little puffy and your voice was nasally. “Uh can I come in?” You nodded, opening the door fully and shut it when he was inside your home.

“We have to talk…” Rex spoke as he shifted slightly uncomfortably. “Yeah what do you need?” You tried to play it cool but you subconsciously made yourself smaller, hunching your shoulders and fidgeting. “You seem down lately and I’m worried about you,” the words fell from his lips with an urgency you understood. “Thanks,” you held your tongue worried you'd cry if you continued.

“So what’s happening with you?” Rex stepped a little closer trying not to scare you. You couldn’t look at him. He stepped a little closer…

“Please let me help you, what’s wrong?” Rex spoke softly, probably the softest you’ve ever heard him talk. It surprised you and you let out a deep breath, “ok.” Rex smiled gently, all you could see were his armored feet. “I feel like I’ve made a mistake, but I also know it’s to better me.” Rex nodded as you spoke, you lifted your head a little now seeing his painted chest plate.

“I’m confused, I don’t know what to do Rex.” You finally met his eyes. His eyebrows softened seeing your near crying face. “Oh come here,” he took you into a bear hug. That’s when the tears fell, you silently sobbed into his armor. “It’ll be ok, you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met,” his hand patted your head as you continued to cry into him.

“Whatever’s making you feel this way, it will pass. Some things just take time.” You held him tightly and he reciprocated. You could feel the heat through his plastoid plates, being this close to him…it was something you’ve never experienced. You felt safe. “Feelings are complicated and it’s worse when you don’t really understand what you’re feeling. I’ll be here whenever you need me ok?” You nodded your head in confirmation. “Let me be your rock, while the current tries to pull you away. You don’t have to do this alone, we can do it together. Things will pass and it will start to make sense.”

Rex pulled you away from him, wiping your tears and he held your shoulders. “Doing the right thing isn’t easy. Especially if it’s for you. You are a lot tougher than you think and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” You were still crying but he wiped every one of your tears. “Repeat after me, I am strong and I can make it through this.” You repeated after Rex and although you still felt the weight on your shoulders, you knew you weren’t carrying it alone anymore. “Thank you Rex,” you hugged him tightly again. He chuckled, “as long as you’re ok so am I.” A smile teased at your lips hearing him laugh.

“Heck I’ll get all the other guys here too. You know they love you to death right?” You released your grip on him. “Yeah I know…” Rex ruffled your hair, “and so do I.”

Rex stayed by your side until he knew you were ok. Whatever you wanted, he’d give it to you. He’d give you the whole galaxy, all you’d have to do is ask. He’d always be the first to your side and that would never change.

[smilesatdawnmain]

Hello ! I adore your LMK AU‘s and your writing style. The stories are so captivating and make me excited for the next chapter.

I wanted to ask what your favorite AUs are :) I know you have great taste and I would be grateful if you could share some LMK au/comic/fanfic recommendations with us :))))

Hello! Oh my gosh thank you so so much! That makes me so happy to hear ;-; Thank you!

I got a lot of favorites out there, let me tell you :3 Alright alright~

AU'S:

The King and his Cub By: @theweepingegg : This au is so cute and I love little MK with his Papa~ It's adorable and the humor just has me rolling! Plus the wholesome Father and Son moments + an uncle Macaque?? It's amazing! Literally just melts my heart with every new update.

Cursed Au By: @winterpower98: This Au consumed my life and continues to do so. The drama, the redemption, the growing bond between Wukong Macaque and MK?? I love it alll~ The whole universal set up of this growing Au is so full and wonderful.

Literally, ANY AU that is made by @journey-to-the-au ! This artist just- STEALS all of my attention. They got a lot of different Au's, and so many amazing ideas. There is action and romance and betrayal and platonic love that is so wholesome and sweet and AHHHHH. Taking a long tour through their entire tumblr page is 100% WORTH IT

Very similarly, anything by @rebeltigera! They also have so many different au's that are all AMAZING. Something about their style also- ahhhhh <3 It's so good. I definitely suggest taking a dive into their tumblr too. Their Macaque is honestly probably my favorite version of Macaque!

Forged Faith by @swagginmun Gosh the anxiety but also the pure adoration I have for this particular Au?? Definitely follows a more canon storyline but has one HECK OF A TWIST. The expressions that are done are amazing and I really really can't wait for this one to continue as its current chapter just ended on something INTENSE.

Fan Comics!

Eclipsed Apprentice by @journeytomonkiekid : I've been following this one for a while. I LOVE IT. There are so many talented people in the LMK community and this comic takes an interesting turn to the canon of LMK. Has some great Oc's and the storyline has me hooked! Lots of drama, and redemption, and so far the character growth is *Chef kiss*

Even Rainfall Has Shadows By @linklefr : Another fancomic that takes it's own path and turn from the LMK canon. Oc's are so cute and I just wanna squeeze them! It's really growing to be its own thing! It's got a lot of talk about self-worth and toxic habits and overall overcoming those that the characters need to grow from, and I can't wait to see where it goes!

FANFICS: (I have way too many. My gosh. And honestly if folks have more recommendations, please put them in the comments! Or if you have a story you wrote yourself I would love to read it!) I would mark their Tumblr creators if I knew them, but I don't know all of them ;-; So I'll put the link to the fanfic instead

SunBreak : First LMK fanfic I ever read. It is the rabbit hole that dropped me into loving Macaque and parent Macaque to be more precise~ Goes way off canon and I'm LOVING IT

There May be no such thing as eternity: Possed Wukong- I cannot explain how much possessed Wukong still reaching out to the Macaque and the gang just makes my brain flip~

A Garden Across Our Collar Bone: THIS. Ahhhh- Just bury me with this fanfic in my hand. MK X Red Son and ahhh- Also, ANYTHING this author (PittiedPeaches) writes is GOLD.

Of Blood and Bones: A big inspiration to me and their story is SO GOOD. The angst but also fluff that is slipped in? It's an amazingly sad but wonderful read. And I really love the world-building

Peach Blossoms: I'm a sucker for any Hanahaki disease kind of story and this is everything I wanted and more. This was soooo good and it flowed really well.

Love Team: Ooooh boy this story took me on a roller coaster ride. MY GOSH I never knew what to expect and it always had me on the edge of my seat~

Is this A Monkey-Thing or Dad-Thing?: Any Dad wukong focused fic will just catch my feet and trip me into the pit of the story. Every time. This one is so cute~

Kiss Your Knuckles: This oneshot is soo sooo good! And also horribly tragic. Gosh it just destroyed me! I definitely suggest it!

-Okay this thing is getting long and I'm not even close to saying all the fanfics and such I have read XD There are so many good fanfics out there my gosh. If you have more than you think are amazing please put them in the comments!

[dianamoth]

Project Copy-Knight

Hi tumblr,

I woke up this morning to a new AO3 comment on my most liked Naruto fic, but this comment was unlike any other I ever got before. It will interest fanfic writers around, especially anime fanfic, so allow me to share it:

Hello, Unfortunately, your work may have been stolen by content farms to create YouTube videos here: (link removed by dianamoth) If you have granted permission for this uploader, you can safely ignore this comment. If not, you should report these videos here: DMCA Complaint Form. You should re-confirm the video contents before you file the report. Note that only the original creator for this work can submit a complaint. When filing the complaint, do not select the "Scheduled: Send a 7-day notice" option, or they won't get a copyright strike from you. We recommend that you do not negotiate with the channel before-hand. Remember to include a link to your work in the 'Title' section of the complaint form. Channels like this have stolen many more works from other writers as well, so your efforts in reporting this channel will also help other writers. See full list of stolen works here: Google sheets Your authorship was identified a while ago by an automated detector under Project Copy-Knight, but for anti-spam reasons we could not inform you until we have manually confirmed each case. If you would like us to notify you as soon as possible, please include this text in your profile page to grant us permission. To prevent a build-up of our notification comments on inactive accounts, we will only send you a maximum of 3 messages before you grant us permission. This is message 1 out of 3. This message was sent automatically, but your case was manually confirmed, and replies to this comment are monitored. If you need additional guidance on how to take the video down, just reply to this comment. To learn more about what we do, please read this article or join our Discord server. From Project Copy-Knight, EsquireBot

I did not give consent for my fic to be used on youtube, ofc.

I was skeptical at first (for context, I write OC Naruto fanfics, who the hell would be interested in that on youtube, I thought?), but this is a well-crafted message with all the ways to verify this claim, so verified it I did!

And hello and behold, this is all true! I'm Amazed. This Project Copy-Knight is quite impressive, it seems well organized and everything, so I thought I would share the word about their existence so that people are aware that this is a problem that exists, that someone is working on it, that it's not spam, and how you can participate, etc... I recommend checking the article they mentioned and the Discord server if you have time to help.

Also, for those who might be in the same case as I and want to report a youtube video (because obviously I'm going to, can you believe this? Just read further to see what a mess it is), let it be known that the link above only works if you have a channel. If not, you have to send your complaint to copyright@youtube.com

Now, if you're interested in seeing what a MessTM this is, continue reading about this video that stole my work.

Guys, this is the presentation of the video:

The title (and the pictures) has absolutely NO link whatsoever to the plot of my fic, to be clear.

The pictures inside of the slideshow are about DragonBall Z! XD

But yes, it is indeed a generated "podfic" of my OC fic (but only part of it? it cuts in the middle of a scene at around half of the story)!

When you click on the description of the video, there is a link that actually contains a list of links on fanfiction.net. So they actually didn't steal it from AO3 but ff.net. Writers from ff.net, be aware!

The video has 1,4k views and 37 likes in 2 months. What the heck.

But the comments, guys!

I find this frankly hilarious. I mean, there is so much confusion here. Obviously the basic Naruto fans that would hate on (female) OCs are expected, but someone listened to it long enough to realize it was not the complete story. Respect to them.

Can you believe that with such a mess this channel has 5,37k subscribers? Please people, have some self-respect.

[bri-in-ur-attic]

Someday, Our Fascinations Will Align

—-

Do you remember the moment you fell in love? The moment when you were the only two people in the world. That splendid, magical moment when all your sadness was forgotten.

—-

I dedicate this to @engardeitsme <333 we share an unhealthy amount of love for the B.R.B, she also did an amazing fan casting of these idiots which is how i envisioned the brotherhood and is also writing a fic series of the battle maniac!! 100% recommend it

Heads up: kidnapping but (Name) vibes w it, typical black rabbit brotherhood violence, perspective changes, this is a long fic like over 7k so prepare yourselves

pairing is battle maniac x fem!reader , but there are implications of P x reader

longest fic I’ve ever written and its for a bunch of assholes that were punching bags for P *sigh*

------------------

“Hopping around Elysion Boulevard doing God knows what and in the end, getting yourself hurt! Like seriously you’re running my medic supplies dry!” 

“Quit your yammering the black market will provide you more.” 

Most people shrivel at just the mention of the Black Rabbit Brotherhood, yet here you were scolding the one who was infamous for putting unfortunate souls in the Liar's Coffin 

It was a simple negotiation really, in exchange for your medical knowledge and treating their wounds, considering they live life on the edge, you were sworn with protection from the Brotherhood without paying the dumb fee.

And by negotiation it went more like you were kidnapped against your own will after the brotherhood tried to rob you but deemed you more useful by keeping you by their side

For a bunch of criminals, you could tell they care for each other’s well being and soon enough, they grew accustomed to you. The brotherhood was amused by your gutsy attitude and feistiness as if you weren’t surrounded by dangerous criminals, amusement turned into respect which then turned into kindling a fondness towards you 

The Eldest, Cyrus would tease about small you were compared to him and often annoy you by holding things above your head

Buckethead was the one abusing the microphone constantly, for an oddball, he had quite an elegant name, Oswald. You liked to call him Oz for short to which he had taken a liking to, it sounds similar to odd funnily 

The baby of the group was Bonnie being merely 16 years old, at first you had no idea that there was a sister in the Black Rabbit Brotherhood as the name speaks for itself let alone one being this young. She was quite touchy by wrapping her arms around you and constantly wanting your attention by whining about the tiniest scratches she gets and wanting immediate medical attention 

And finally, the one who was currently at your mercy was the battle maniac of the group, if you were being honest all siblings were battle maniacs but whatever

You would always butt heads with him at any chance you got as he always gave the best responses to your remarks, he was simply fun to argue with

“For God’s sake go easy on tightening those bandages, my arm's ‘bout to bust!” 

“Awww is poor bunny about to cry cuz he can’t handle a bit of pressure?”

“Shut up, just do your damn job.” 

“Shame that these bandages and medicines are wasted on you.” With a huff, you finish wrapping his arm  

“Oh and it’s not a waste to use 'em on Bonnie’s paper cuts?” 

“Any injury no matter how miniscule it might seem isn’t worth not treating, one cut can turn into a nasty infection.”

Finishing wrapping the bandages you pat on his shoulder firmly

“Done, Rojo.” he winces

The brother with the red scarf hadn’t revealed his name and identity to you while the others have unconcealed themselves to you, he was a tough nut to crack compared to the others. Heck you found the Eldest to be more approachable than him 

And so you nick-named him Rojo (Ro-ho) because of his red scarf 

”Stop calling me that.”

”Oh? You don’t like Rojo? Then what would you like me to call you? How does Bun-Bun sound?”

”Call me that and you’ll be fed to those monstrous freaks.”

After washing your hands, you grab a rack with a sigh

”Look, I gotta call you something, Rojo is the best I could think of unless you spare me the trouble and give me your damn name.”

His masked face directs to you, seemingly in deep thought and then looks down on the floor 

”Elyas.” he let out begrudgingly 

”Elyas ..” you repeated in a soft tone testing how his name rolled off your tongue 

”That wasn’t so hard now was it Elyas ?” With a cheeky grin you walk out of the room 

Elyas watches your figure get out of his range of sight and takes off his rabbit mask running his hand through his dark waves 

“That woman is gonna be the death of me..”

——

It had been about a month of being ‘held hostage’ by the Black Rabbit Brotherhood, overtime they let you have more freedom such as wandering through the Malum district as long as one of them was accompanying you, quite restrictive freedom but you have no combat abilities so this didn't bother you all that much as the brothers and sister pretty much acted as bodyguards

Now that the Malum District officially had a doctor, the Brotherhood originally wanted to charge those who seeked you for medical attention but you gave them an earful before they could

Today you were meeting with the Robinson family and the one escorting you was Elyas , who recently trusted you with his name

The walk was quiet and a bit tense, if in different circumstances it would look as if the the two of you were on a awkward first date due to the close proximity and stiffness 

Up ahead seeing the Robinson’s small run-down house up ahead, Elyas leaned his back against the neighboring houses 

“Hurry up, make it no longer than 10 minutes.”

”Oh what a pity, I was hoping to bake a pie with the Robinsons today.” you say sarcastically and knock on the Robinson’s door 

Civilians nearby peeped their heads out, seeing the poor doctor being held captive by the ruthless Black Rabbit Brotherhood, the residents viewed you highly for aiding the District with daily check-ups 

“That poor girl, God knows what those ruffians make her go through..” one of the civilians say

Seeing the Battle Maniac glance up in their directions, the neighbors duck their heads away 

You knock on the door and call out for the Robinsons

“Mrs. Robinson? It’s me, (Name).”

And it didn’t take long for the aged woman to open the door, her gaunt features welcome you

“Oh Doctor (Name), it is very good to see you, please come in.”

Closing the door after you come in, Mrs. Robinson leads you to her husband, who looked in better condition than the last time you saw him, the Robinson children also greet you while the oldest nods his head with a small smile 

“The echinacea tea did wonders to me. I can't thank you enough Miss (Name).”Mr. Robinson says with weak smile

“It was my pleasure, I’m glad you have been making progress to a full recovery. I was going to check on your health but it seems your immune system is doing all the work and my visitation is unnecessary.”

“Oh hush dear you are always welcome in our humble abode, you have always been very kind to us, do please stay for a little longer will you?” Mrs. Robinson directed her hand towards the living room  

“Ah I wish I could, but I’m afraid my time here is limited for I have an invisible lengthy chain on my ankle.”

“That hooligan from the brotherhood is it? Honestly I send my condolences to you for dealing with those bad men.”

“I can hold my own against them. They cannot be tamed, but they can be reasoned with.”

“I see, well good luck out there dearie, please take care of yourself too.” 

“Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Robinson, best of wishes to you and your family.” With a small bow you make your way to the door

“E-excuse me, Miss (Name)?”

The eldest of the Robinson children was Finlay, though he was barely a child as he was in his young adulthood 

Now having your attention, Finlay grasps his hands together 

“If you don’t mind, may we talk for a bit?”

“Hm, I suppose I have a few minutes to spare but do make it quick, the rabbit who’s acting as my esquire isn’t known for having patience.”

With a deep breath, the fair-headed boy looks at you with a deep gaze that is laced with worry

“I hate to see you go off with the evil brotherhood, surely there must be something we can do to help you.”

With a sad smile, you shake your head

“I very much appreciate your concern Finn, but I accepted my fate and I swear on my life that I am ok. Besides, who will provide you all with check-ups if I escape this dreaded town?”

Finlay’s expression hardens “Then you don’t have to escape, hide in our home and we can take care of you just like how you’ve taken care of us.”

“Finn..please don’t risk your family’s lives and your own for me.”

“But I would risk my life for you! Because I-”

“Alright, time's up!” 

The door violently burst open revealing Elyas 

Upon seeing you and Finlay, something in Elyas cracked as he approaches Finlay in a threatening way and grabs him by the collar of his shirt 

“So you’ve been extending the doctor’s session eh? I'm afraid you're gonna have a fee for that, blondie.”

“S-sir please I’m sorry! W-we don’t have anything to give you! We're barely getting by after this month's fee!”

You immediately grab Elyas’ arm and attempt to pull him away from Finlay 

“Cut it out! I was about to leave anyway!”

“This piss-haired rat got greedy and reached over the time limit, now he has to pay the price.”

You get between the boys and with all your might push Elyas’ chest away from Finlay, while doing so, Elyas’ puppet string accidentally pricks your cheek but the minor injury barely bothered you

“Stop! It was only for a few minutes, let it go!” 

Elyas looked at you and you hear the crinkling of his gloves due to his fists clenching 

“Fine.”

Letting out a sigh of relief you look back at Finlay who still looked like he had the heavens scared out of him

“You will no longer visit this house.”

You look back at Elyas with wide eyes and before you can protest he grabs your arm and pulls you out of the Robinson's household 

“Wait a minute!..Elyas!”

With a panicked look, you look back to the house and see a distraught Finlay reaching his hand out 

“Please just stop for a moment!”

Ripping your arm from Elyas’ iron grip you rub the area and glare at him

“What has gotten into you? I know you’re a jackass but you really have crossed the line this time!”

“That beggar boy was the one crossing the line by wasting our time.”

With a sigh, you stay silent briefly

“You know.. you were a hypocrite when you called him greedy when all you and your siblings do is suck up all my time like a bunch of mosquitos.”

Now it was Elyas’ turn to stay silent, he turns to you and looks down at the small gash on your cheek

He approaches you slowly and grabs a hold of his red scarf, ripping it. He then daps the blood off that was on the plump of your cheek 

You felt almost every negative emotion under the sun towards Elyas, fear, anger, frustration and even amusement 

This was the first he made you flustered, you’ve been in close positions with Elyas before but it was when he needed treatment. Now he was willing to be this close to you to do a quite sensual gesture  

“What are you doing?…”

Elyas lets a scoff ”You said it yourself, any injury no matter how miniscule it might seem isn’t worth not treating, one cut can turn into a nasty infection.”

“Oh..” 

With a small hum, Elyas continues to treat the cut on your cheek ”Sorry.” His apology was quick and blunt but there was a hint of sincerity in it 

”It’s.. whatever I’ll treat it myself when we get back.” 

Backing away from you, Elyas’ hand hovers over your cheek and feel his finger brushing over your injury 

You look up to meet his eyes that were concealed behind his rabbit mask, sometimes you wonder how these guys could see through those atrocious masks 

Desperately wanting to see what he was thinking, you gaze into the eyeholes of Elyas’ mask, to see what the hues of his eyes were and if they even held light

You wanted to see his humanity

Immediately he withdraws his hand away from you and makes a quick turn to continue his way 

“Let’s go.” 

Recovering from what just occurred, you slowly make your way behind Elyas

”I’m still gonna visit the Robinsons.” 

“You won’t be a mile radius near that shithole when I’m around.”

”So what you’re saying is as long as you're not breathing down on my neck I can visit them?”

”What I’m saying is if I see you interact with that scrawny piece of shit, no treatment will ever be able to cure what I’ll do to him.” 

It felt like Cyrus slammed his greatsword on him when Elyas realized what he had just said, visibly stiffening but regained composure  

Then it hit you, Elyas was jealous 

This new found discovery both appalled and terrified you 

He was the equivalent of a school boy who was crushing that just happened to have violent tendencies towards his rivals, it seems you won’t be visiting the Robinsons for a while for Finlay’s sake

You couldn’t but help feel bad for the poor boy, his feelings towards you was obvious but you never really saw him that way, sure you thought he was adorable and very kind but he just was never really your type unfortunately 

But Elyas?..

The both of you didn’t quite have a pleasant start and to this day you had lingering feelings of resentment towards him and his siblings

Despite that, your fondness for them grew more than your grudge 

After all they guaranteed you safety when you weren’t even sure if Hotel Krat could be a place to seek refuge and for better or for worse there was never a dull day with the brotherhood. You weren't just surviving, you were living

And the somewhat intimate moment you just shared with Elyas and how he and his siblings aid each other is enough for you to believe that the brotherhood has a soul that was tainted due to the result of evolving in a harsh environment 

Hiding your smile, you follow Elyas towards the Red Lobster 

Oswald and Bonnie were present, hanging out and having some downtime

”We’re back, but I’m gonna head back to headquarters real quick, don’t you knuckleheads plan something idiotic when I’m gone.”

Oswald only waves his hand dismissively and Bonnie sticks her tongue out at Elyas 

“How was your trip (Name)?” Bonnie asks in a cheerful tone

”Phew it was quite something, I’ll tell you that.” You place your hands on your hips and bounce on your feet making eye contact with Bonnie with a nervous smile 

“Speaking of trips, I call the shots on taking our doc through Malum next week! I haven’t done errands with her in a long while!”

”Hey! It’s my turn to hang out with (Name)! I thought we were following the pattern!” Bonnie complains and lightly shoves Oswald 

“Since when did we ever agree to that? It’s whoever gets to her first the one going little sis!”

With an audible pout, Bonnie sits back down on her seat

”Not fair! (Name) please tell him off!” Bonnie drags out your name

”No can do Bon, first come first serve.” You say with a cheesy grin

”I’ll beat you to her Oswald! You’ll see!”

”Oh really? Well that’s a shame ‘cause I already got to her!”

Oswald dashes from his seat and grabs you by the waist hoisting you over his shoulder 

“Oz! This is very unnecessary!” trying to hide your grin but fail as you grab onto his shoulders 

“Hold on tight doc!~”

Bonnie jumps from her seat and dashes towards Oswald who was now carrying you 

The two siblings laugh hysterically chasing each other while you cling on to dear life to Oswald’s shirt and join in on the laughter

“What did I say about planning something idiotic while I’m gone?”

Elyas voice suddenly echoed throughout the room causing the siblings to stop 

“Ahh lighten up brother, we were just having a little fun!”

”Not much fun anymore when you’re dizzy! Now put me down Oz!”

“Alright alright down you go doc.” 

Setting you down with ease, Oswald then wipes off invisible dust off of you

“There you go all in one piece.” 

“Quit touching her. Now scram, Cyrus asked for you and Bonnie back in headquarters.”

”Huh? What for?”

Elyas simply shrugs

Oswald let out a loud groan ”It better be good, c’mon Bonnie.”

”Watch my cheesecake for me (Name)!” Bonnie then scurries out of the room right behind Oswald 

“Hey, what did Cyrus ask them for?” 

“Nothin’ I was jesting.” 

You shoot Elyas a blank stare 

“Don't give me that look, I don't want to deal with their annoying asses when I play this.” 

Elyas held up a record and walks over to the gramophone 

Once he plays the record, an elegant sound of a violin plays along with an accordion that harmonizes with each other

The gramophone changes the setting of the rundown tavern of the Red Lobster into a more elegant atmosphere, both you and Elyas lean against the bar table. The sound of the singer’s rich voice singing in a language you somewhat understood

“Say Elyas, do you comprehend French?” 

He only shakes his head “I never knew what the hell the guy was saying, I just like how it sounds.”

“From my limited French knowledge, what I’m getting at is that the singer is longing to meet his departed lover..”

Concentrating on the singer’s words you close your eyes 

“You will come back

Someday

Someday…”

Halfway through the song there was a solo 

“And..listen to my heart,

I will wait for you

Even if my heart hurts..

So that you can hear my words

I will wait for you..

I will wait for you..”

The record meets its end as the accordion slows down fading away bringing you back to the dreary tavern 

“Since when did you understand French? "

"I'm not quite fully fluent in it, the Monad Charity House taught some classes."

"You went to that Charity House?"

With a nod of your head you continue, then grabbing the chain of your necklace, you show Elyas your graduation necklace that was hidden under your blouse 

"Yup, I grew up in the Charity house and wanted to become an Alchemist at first but I couldn’t read alchemical equations for the life of me. However I liked science enough to pursue the medical field."

“I see, glad you didn't join those egotistical smartasses.”

”Heh, I suppose so, I didn’t even like them all that much if I’m being honest.” You look at Elyas “Seeing how you and your siblings ar-were Stalkers, were you all in the Charity House as well?” 

Elyas notices your slip up and crosses his arms “Nope, the four of us grew up in the alleys, the Sweepers in our area taught us since we were young.” 

“Oh, it must’ve been rough growing up in such a place.”

“But it’s what made us strong and outlived the other weak fools. We survived this far, and we will continue to do so together as a family.”

Turning your head away from Elyas you chuckle softly

“What’s so funny?” Elyas asked in a condescending tone 

All this time, you believed the Puppet Frenzy and the Petrification disease brought the worst out of humanity, from those who exploited Krat’s vulnerable position and ransacking homes, to survivors who were now in a dog eat world where the strong live and are victorious while the weak can only hope for a quick death 

There were countless times when the Brotherhood made it clear they couldn’t give a rat’s ass about fighting with honor, as former Sweeper Stalkers it was in their psyche to survive and win, simply that. But there were cracks to their rough exterior, their love of family for one another. 

The reason the Black Rabbit Brotherhood lived this long was their camaraderie and sticking together as a family. 

And most recently there was another Achilles heel to their bruteness, you.

The feeble yet firm doctor who doesn’t carry a sword but a stethoscope and briefcase full of instruments to life. Unlike the brotherhood, gentle and merciful 

“It’s just, you four are a group of delinquents with disregard for others, but I find it quite endearing that you all got each others’ backs. You all understood you were stronger together.” 

“Oh? Getting all sappy on us now, are we?”

“Quiet you, I still don’t like how you treat the poor civilians here and would find an escape route at any given chance.” you didn’t quite mean that last part, but you wanted to get a reaction from Elyas to get back at him

And it seems to have worked too well as Elyas stayed silent and motionless with his teasing disappearing in an instant 

“Would you.. actually?..”The tone of his voice almost makes you feel bad, the desperation and worrying riddled in his words

Caught off guard by Elyas’ question you stutter out “Uh-Uhm yeah..I would.”

You side eye Elyas to get a glimpse of him, he faces the floor, silent

“Hey.. I was jesting.” a callback to when Elyas repeated your words 

His head suddenly turns to you, you expected him to implode on you but instead your ears were met with a light chuckle

“God…you really are a pain in the ass.”

Looking towards Elyas you also let out a soft chuckle, then you glance down on his hand that was draped on the table, there was this urge to get close to him, to feel a connection 

You already suspected he has some type of attraction towards you, and may you be damned for reciprocating them 

Slowly, your hand itches closer to Elyas’ hand. Once the tips of your fingers meet, you feel his fingers flinching, taking this as a sign he didn’t want to be touched, you pull your hand back slowly

There was a sudden pressure on your hand and the feeling of leather'

You look down to see Elyas’ hand on yours but he refuses to meet your eyes 

Instead you feel him squeezing lightly

“Hey Elyas you lying asshole! Cyrus said he didn’t fucking ask for us!” Oswald's eccentric accent breaks the peace

Immediately the both of you retract your hands 

“You just lied to steal (Name) away from us didn’t you?” Bonnie jumps down from the level rail and tugs on your arm “C’mon let’s get away from these dumb dumbs!” 

As Bonnie drags you away, Oswald and Cyrus walk up to Elyas

“Ha! If you wanted some alone time with doc, you ‘coulda just said something!” Oswald teases 

“Shut up.”

Cyrus laughs and slams his large hand on Elyas’ back making him let out a groan

——

“Ah good evening Miss (Name)! What can I get for you?” The black market merchant greets you

“Say you wouldn’t happen to have some records on you would you?”

“Is that even a question worth asking? Of course!” He then pulls out a crate full of records 

“Feel free to look through this mess and pick the one you want.”

Kneeling down, you browse through the records looking for a certain one 

“Nope..nope..not this one…found it!”

Pulling out your desired record, you pull it towards your face, admiring the beautiful artwork that decorated it

“Oh? Fascination? Now that’s a classic!” 

“An oldie but a goldie. Here’s the ergo.”

“Thank you very much, oh and you’re aware that it’s the instrumental version right?”

“Quite aware, I weirdly prefer this version.”

“To each their own I guess. Well I hope you enjoy it and have a pleasant night.” The merchant tips his hat

“Thank you, good night to you too.”

You walk back where the gramophone that Elyas played earlier was. Taking out Elyas’ record gently placing it away and slipping in yours 

Resting your head on the table, you close your eyes and let the music immerse you in a different reality

It sounded as if the violin was singing, synchronizing with the backing instruments, perfectly capturing the beautiful feeling of falling in love

“You’re up late.”

Your eyes stay shut briefly and let out a deep exhale

Pushing yourself off the table, you look up to where Elyas was, you could make out his figure but couldn’t see his face where his mask usually was

On closer inspection, you noticed that his shadow lacked the silhouette of the rabbit ears his mask had

“Come now, don't be shy, I won’t run if your face is ugly.”

This might just be the first time you’ll see Elyas without his mask, the anticipation was killing you

Realizing Elyas hasn’t yet moved from his spot, you had an idea 

You turned around with your back now facing him 

“Come down when you’re ready, I’ll wait all night, I certainly won’t mind listening to this for hours.”

Then you hear Elyas’ footsteps descending down the stairs, with each step he takes it makes your heart beat faster

Just what could he look like? Masculine, feminine or a mix of both? But you have a hard time imagining a feminine face for Elyas

A gloveless hand rests your waist, while another grabs your hand, twirling you around and you meet face to face with the face you longed to see

Messy raven hair was the first sight in your field of vision 

Elyas perhaps has the most beautiful blue eyes you’ve ever seen, it wasn’t the type of blue that pierced into your soul, rather it was a calming blue, his eyes reminded you of the romantic evening nights that was once common in Krat’s skies. Elyas had quite a pale complexion, making the dark circles under his eyes more prominent. The bridge of his nose had a scar kissed on it, his appearance was almost exactly how you expected him to be, rugged but quite pleasing on the eyes, dare you say it, handsome. 

What somewhat surprised you was how young Elyas looked, he looked like a man barely in his early 20’s. At the prime of young adulthood, around the same age as you.

You’ve seen how the other members of the black rabbit brotherhood looked like, they all possessed unruly jet black hair and a birthmark somewhere etched on their faces. Elyas had a few beauty marks patched on his face, from under his cheek, chin, even one near his nose. You’re enticed to caress the moles and the scars on his face

“With the way you’re eyeing me, I can’t tell if you’re eating me up or about to run off with your tail between your legs.” 

Ignoring his teasing, you continue to gaze at him

“It’s just, you’re so beautiful…”

Elyas’ eyes widen, his face reddening and he lets out a small chortle

“You’re quite the beauty yourself, doctor.”

Bashfully, you lower your head, and lightly smack Elyas’ chest

“Hey, don’t you get shy on me now.” gripping your chin to lift your face up

Wordlessly, Elyas then guides you to the center of the floor, hand firmly on your waist still 

You stare at the decomposing wooden floor of the Red Lobster, in this moment, you momentarily forget about the dire situation around you, the disease, the frenzy, none of it mattered in this one moment. You look up to the source of your escape from reality, he looks down at you with the same amount of longing 

Everytime Elyas’ foot moves forward, yours moves back, when he leads you toward the left you follow his footing, coordinating with his movements causing the both of you to form a slow dance 

Your hand rests on his shoulder while the other is held by Elyas’, now lacking the gloves

His hands were rough, almost having a sandpaper-like feeling, years of brawling in the rigorous culture of the alleys left him with textured palms

Elyas’ gaze turns into an ambivalent expression, him two months ago would laugh at his current self for being vulnerable and soft towards the flimsy doctor. For years Elyas’ heart conditioned itself to lock itself away from tender emotions such as love, it only had room for his family, but somehow you happened to make your way into his heart and heal what the world had done to him. What one hell of a doctor you were. 

Elyas never was bothered by the fact he’s put a few people six feet underground in the past, leaving his hands stained with blood. Guilt now had a hold on him. Not for the ones slain by him, but for now tainting you, a doctor who dedicated her life to saving lives now associating herself with death himself.  

As soon as the music reached its’ climax, Elyas grabs your waist and lifts you up in the air, spinning you around and gently setting you back down leaving you in a brief daze 

As the music reaches the end, Elyas dips you down 

Slowly bring you back up, his hands still hold you, as if he wished for this moment to never end

Meeting Elyas’ eyes, your hand that was on his shoulder moves up to to cup his face and he closes his eyes, indulging in your warmth 

Soft and docile, you felt exactly how Elyas imagined

Would…your lips feel the same?

Opening his eyes, Elyas keeps them lidded as he glances down at your lips

Understanding what he was asking of you, you give him the most love-struck grin and close your eyes, leaning forward 

Like magnets, your lips pull in towards Elyas’

Bliss would be an blatant understatement, nothing could ever comprehend the overabundance of emotions you were feeling, both negative and positive 

Each movement of your lips with Elyas’ sent adrenaline of excitement and a sense of freedom, sharing saliva with a parlous man like Elyas would be considered unorthodox, but who is left in Krat to judge you?

—-

As time went on, more and more residents succumbed to the Petrification disease and more mutated monsters infested the district, ever since the Alchemists promised a so-called cure to the disease, Krat’s problems seemed to have worsened, those damned Alchemists had done something horrific to those refugees in the Cathedral.

You knew those Alchemists were suspicious from the start, this only worsens your disdain towards them

Much to your dismay the brotherhood refused to let you out in the district anymore, leaving whatever surviving residents to tend to themselves 

You couldn’t help but feel hopeless couped up in headquarters, surely there were those who have yet to succumbed to the Petrification disease that is need of medical care

Cleaning and organizing your medical tools, you hear Elyas approaching near you, he takes off his mask

Your relationship with Elyas reached a new degree, it has no label yet but the feelings are there and real. And so you just let it happen and see how it goes from there

“That frown has been common on your face these days.” Elyas says as he grabs and raises your chin, 

With a tight smile, you grab his hand on your chin and intertwine them with yours

“You know why I’ve been getting frown wrinkles.”

His eyebrows furrow “And you know why we don’t want you going out there, the world is going to hell, it’s too dangerous.”

You sigh and break eye contact, but keep your hands connected 

Stroking your cheek, Elyas leans closer to your face “You worry too much, let’s just look after each other now eh?” 

Calloused hands grab your cheek to direct your face towards him, Elyas leans forward to capture your lips in a soft kiss to which you return 

The newfound connection you’ve made with Elyas is yet to be revealed to his siblings, but you assume at this point they’ve connected the dots by now with how insistent Elyas is to be close in your presence and they bite their tongues to avoid his retribution 

Pulling away, Elyas hovers over your face 

“There’s an intruder in the District, stay in headquarters until we deal with this pest.”

Your eyebrows downturn “Intruder? Is it another Stalker?”

”Not sure, but he does wield a weapon and has competent skills with it.” Elyas stares off in space deep in thought “So stay put, will you?” Looking at you with a hardened but pleading look

With a sigh you nod 

“Thank you.” With one more quick kiss, Elyas slowly parts from you and heads out the door, “We won’t take long.” 

As you watch him leave, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread, no one outside Malum has ever made it far into the District due to the immense number of carcass monsters increasing 

But it gave you a sense of hope?

Who would be bold enough to infiltrate the den of the notorious Black Rabbit Brotherhood unless they had a motive to put them in their place. For the longest time, you thought humanity lost its willpower and strength, God knows what’s happening to the world outside of Krat. Despite your affections for the Brotherhood, you can’t help but respect the one who has the guts to face them. And it’ll be a shame if Krat’s last spark of hope gets snuffed out.

With a determined look, you go against Elyas’ wish. Grabbing a cloak and a small messenger bag, you make your way up to the roof

—-

The Malum District was the embodiment of misery and despair, P never thought that he'd ever miss the Puppets that he once loathed and wished to eradicate 

Any sight of puppets would be a welcoming sight compared to these monstrous sights 

As he makes his way through the streets, P notices writing on the walls

‘The Angel of Malum, Doctor (Name) where are you? Please we need you!’

‘Damn the Brotherhood for taking away our Angel!’ 

‘Prayers for the Angel of Malum, our beacon of hope’

This (Name) person must’ve be an important figure in the Malum with how many memorials he’s seen for this doctor 

While observing the walls, there was a sudden groan heard from one of the houses

Raising his weapon, P stalks closer to the source of the sound

Heading inside, a gold-haired man was the first thing he sees, tainted with the blue of the disease 

“W-who are you?.. (Name)..?”

The slouching human lifts his head up looking up at P, his deathly pale blue face had a look of hope that fell immediately 

“Oh… you’re not her…they’re still holding her captive... If she’s even alive...”

”Who?” P asks

”She was our angel (Name)…she gave comfort and aided to those in need of care…until the brotherhood took her away…” The blonde man lets out a violent cough ”Mister…you must save her if she's still alive and well…those awful Black Rabbit Brotherhood caged her up in their hideout…my final wish is for her to be liberated…”

Contemplating, P then nods  

“Haha…thank you…oh and if you see (Name) tell her that I, Finlay… love…”

Before the man could finish his sentence, death came for him first, his confession forever lost 

—-

Stepping outside the house, P continues his way

*chirp* “Geez..poor guy, looks like he was the only survivor in his family judging from the other corpses inside the house..”

There was a sudden clamping on his leg

”Ha! It’s funny seeing ‘em all flustered!”

He looks up to see a girl with a rabbit mask

”Hey…the idiot’s actually a looker…” she then jumps back and retreats 

P struggled to get the trap off his leg, each time he squirms it bites harder into his leg 

“Oh my goodness, I’ll come down and help you!” 

His head suddenly swings up, a woman in a hooded cloak gets down from the roof and rushes towards him

“How in the..how are you not bleeding?” The woman looks at P with confusion and curiosity “Are you… a puppet?”

Staring into the woman’s eyes, P nods his head, the hooded woman then had a look of reluctance before sighing

“Well alright then…let’s get you out of this bear trap.” She then presses on the springs, making the jaws of the trap lower. Feeling the pressure going away from his leg, P closes his eyes and lets out a sigh of relief. Opening his eyes, he looked at the lady who helped him. Up close she was quite pretty

She then offers her hand to him with a gentle smile, “Can you stand? That is quite a nasty trap you fell in.” 

He grabs her smaller palms and with her help gets back up

*chirp* “Excuse me Miss if you don’t mind me asking, but just why are you helping my pal here? Considering people don’t treat puppets too well these days.” 

“What the- did your bottom just talk??” The lady looks around P, looking for where the voice came from

*chirp* “Down here! I’m his guide, Gemini!” P grabs the lamp from his belt and raises Gemini towards the woman 

“Oh.. interesting..” She looks at the lamp with intrigue, looking from the lamp and now to P “Well the reason I came to your aid, I get this feeling that you’re special.” 

She continues, “The moment I heard you made it into Malum pass those awful creatures, something inside me just ruptured, like fireworks.” The lady then looks up at the dreary sky with a bittersweet smile “It was a feeling I hadn’t had in such a long time, hope.” 

She looks back at P, her hopeful smile doesn’t falter. “I have no idea why, but I just have this gut feeling that you’re important, so please beware, the Brotherhood is wanting to put you under the ground.”  Despite finishing her sentence, the kind lady had her lips in a tight line, almost as if she still had something to say

“If you do fight the Brotherhood…please refrain from killing them.”

*chirp* “I hate to be that guy but they're the ones who came after us first! If push comes to shove, we just might have to!”  

A sigh of disappointment escapes from her lips. “Then please spare them for my sake, like some sort of favor.” She then gives a friendly smile “I'm (Name) by the way.” 

“Doctor (Name)?” Hearing the beautiful boy talk for the first time surprises (Name)

“Yes... But not so much anymore, my patients have been limited to the Brotherhood these days.”

*chirp* “Well maybe that’s another darn good reason we need to get rid of them! They’re practically holding you captive!” 

“I-it’s not necessarily like that!” (Name)’s hands rest on her forehead “maybe at first it sorta was but not so much anymore!”

P’s face gave away that he still wasn’t too satisfied with her response

“Come with me.” P says as he raises his hand towards (Name) and she stares at his mechanical arm 

“Such a straightforward boy aren't you?” (Name) giggles but then shakes her head “I care too much for the Brotherhood now, but I believe they need to be humbled from time to time.”

Reaching inside her bag, (Name) pulls out three pulse cells

“Here, a fight is inevitable and you best be prepared, but I once again beg of you to not kill them, maybe a good whooping will do.” 

Graciously accepting the pulse cells, P looks at (Name) and nods 

Holding her hands to her chest (Name) smile gratefully at P “Thank you strong one. Once you liberate this city, I'll deal with the Black Rabbit Brotherhood.”  

(Name) slowly steps away from P and makes her way back up climbing back up to the roof 

As P watches her disappear, he looks at the pulse cells given to him by the first person who’s ever shown him kindness outside the Hotel, 

He firmly grasps the items, humanity is still worth fighting for 

—-

Managing to make it back in headquarters with no one noticing the doctor’s absence,  in the nick of time the Black Rabbit Brotherhood were anticipating the intruder as the Eldest hauls the Liar’s coffin on his broad shoulders

The Rabbits were on the hunt

(Name) peeks out the window upon hearing the loud eruption on the front gate, humanity’s last hope crashes into the Black Rabbit Brotherhood’s lair

The four criminal siblings march toward, the one leading the group looks back at headquarters one last time, inside someone precious to him resides in it

—-

“Bring it on, you ain’t seen nothing like my brother.” 

—-

“The toy is mine! Mine! Root for me brothers!” 

—-

“Argh no! Knock him out bro!”

—-

”C’mon, you played nice with the others! Don’t you wanna play with me, mister puppet?” 

—-

“So this is Geppetto’s puppet huh? Gotta admit: he knows what he’s doing.” 

—-

One by one, you watch as each of the brotherhood get overpowered by the puppet you met earlier, it seems he was keeping up with his promise of not maiming them

Cyrus was holding his ground for longer 

Finally, Elyas jumps down, facing the puppet 

—-

“We don’t get extra points for fighting fair. Survive and win, that simple.”

—-

Elyas lasted longer than his other siblings, but you started to see cracks in his battle stance, he too was no match for Geppetto’s puppet 

—-

“You’re no Bastard, nor Sweeper. Those moves of yours…”

—-

As you watch Elyas retreat away from the battle after a nasty hit, you notice him limping a bit. That set off all the alarms in your head. Grabbing your medical bag, you dash outside to his aid

Pushing the door with all your might, your outburst grabs Elyas’ attention who was on his knee, grabbing on the left of his side 

“(Name)? What are you doing out here?! Get back inside!” You ignore his demands and rush next to him

”Quiet Elyas, you’re injured! Where does it most hurt?”

Reluctantly, Elyas looks down to his side, letting out a groan 

You take off his mask and hood,  revealing his pained expression “Breathing..hurts..”

Looking at his face that was induced with anguish increased your worry tenfold. Both of your hands grab his face in a gentle cradle and slowly Elyas succumbed to your touch, closing his eyes and breathing slowly

You now had a prang of remorse and regret, was it a good idea to help Geppetto’s puppet? You hadn’t meant for the brotherhood to get seriously hurt, at worst you expected bruises and maybe minor cuts but Elyas was showing symptoms of broken ribs 

You turn around and see Oswald and Bonnie who are kneeling with fatigue. Geppetto’s puppet and Cyrus were still battling, you had to stop this madness before it gets worse 

“Rest here.” As you get up, Elyas looks at you like you’ve grown 10 heads, he yells for you to stop, but you ignore them 

—-

Right as P parried the Eldest brother’s blow, he staggers, giving him an open to attack

With a look with intent to kill, he raises his weapon for a deathly blow 

“STOP!” The doctor P met earlier gets between him and the Eldest with arms wide open, immediately he halts

”Please, don’t kill them.. you’ve won, fair and square..” P notices on how much the girl was shaking

On que, the Eldest falls on the ground passing out due to exhaustion

”Brother!” The other siblings run to the Eldest’s collapsed body

—-

As Oswald and Bonnie ran over to Cyrus, they look to you for confirmation 

Immediately you get beside Cyrus and put your ear on his chest, desperate to hear any signs of life 

Thump thump

You let out an exhale that you held in for too long, “He’s gonna be alright..”

Bonnie gasps in relief as Oswald embraces his sister 

Rising from Cyrus’ chest, you feel a hand on your shoulder, Elyas who’s hand was still on his side looks at you with gratitude and enamorment, he then looks at the puppet, face immediately souring 

You grab his arm and shake your head, “Please, just let him go. It’s not worth it.” Elyas looks at you with a strife look before sighing and glancing back at the puppet.

“There’s a passage to the Krat Hotel inside, we better not see your face again, now fuck off.” 

The beautiful puppet gives you one last look before heading inside the headquarters, you give him an assuring smile and watch him leave, perhaps you’ll see him again one day

“What’s the deal with you and Geppetto’s puppet eh?” Elyas asks in a skeptical tone and a raised eyebrow, clearly irritated

Your eyes roll 

—-

It had been about over a week since the Black Brotherhood’s defeat against the puppet, a humiliating defeat, but they all survived in the end

Cyrus had made a full recovery, Bonnie and Oswald had very minor injuries but Elyas was still healing from his broken ribs

The skies of Krat started to heal as well as the gloomy gray clouds started to dissipate, the majestic blue skies was returning along with heaven’s beacon 

Sitting on the roof of headquarters, a bittersweet smile creeps on the doctor’s face, it had been so long since she felt the sun kiss her skin

“Never thought you could ever be more beautiful until now, that sun does you justice, love” Elyas joins his beloved on her leisure on the roof

“Elyas you need to be resting!” she scolds him but he brushes her off

“Oh shut up, can I not gaze at the sun with my lady?” Elyas sits down next to (Name) and she gives in to his wishes. His arm wraps around her waist and pulls her close as she rests her hand on his chest

The pair admire the skies in comfortable silence until (Name) speaks up

“To think I met you in grim circumstances and I embrace you as if I knew you for years, have I gone crazy?”

Elyas snickers “You know you love me, as do I with ardent.” His windows to the world gaze into hers, they were each other’s worlds

“I’ll admit that I can’t help it, I really do love you.”

Elyas leans his forehead on (Name)’s and makes a vow

“(Name), one day, we all will get outta this shithole. And when we do, we can start over, maybe we can live like a real couple. I promise to get you out of here and give you a life you deserve.” Elyas’ words touch deeply in (Name)'s heart, somehow falling for him even more

“And Elyas, I pledge to stay by your side no matter what the world throws at us.”

They lean in for a kiss, it was as tender and passionate as any other they shared 

The world around them was in chaos, but they knew they would be ok as long as they were together.

------------------

A/N: *SCREAMS IN AGONY* that was the longest fic ive ever written phew you deserve the world for reading all that cuz it was like over 7k words , but tbh i have mixed feelings over how i wrote the ending, its kinda shit imo

but once again thank you so much for reading, it actually means sm <3333

my friend who knows French helped with translations on the lyrics to Someday so shout out to him lmao

[aclowntiny]

Down the Drain- Barista!San x Female!Reader (College AU)

San has literally said he likes the idea of being a barista so here you go Sannie boy 😘😂 first time getting one of the boys as a barista hehe. Also, we’ve all had that professor 💀

Word Count: 2571 | College AU | Warnings: very slight language, me throwing in a blackpink reference cuz we love the bangers 😌

All your money was going to go down the drain. You couldn’t believe your campus had found yet another way to scam you. Yet you couldn’t really find it in yourself to complain this time. You knew they had to know exactly what they were doing, though. Whether it worker or not, your eyes were on them.

That day, you’d decided to make a rare stop at the campus café for a cold drink; it was just one of those days, a long one that could use a little refreshing pick-me-up, and you really didn’t take advantage of there being student baristas right around the corner of a big study floor enough. As per usual, the line was sort of long, but not out to the door, and you had a few hours of classes, so in went the airpods as you stood, trying not to stare at the girl in front of you’s bright pink backpack with its dangly Kuromi keychain the whole time. You did wonder where she got it from, though.

Two songs later, you were next, pulling your airpods out and popping them into your case as you glanced up toward the barista counter. And that was where you saw your campus’s latest scam.

Cafés hiring hot people was the biggest money pit ever and they knew it. The guy working the left register had your heart pounding the moment you laid eyes on him. He was average height with short dark hair, sharp eyes and even sharper cheekbones. The way his arms flexed from their rolled-up sleeves made you suspect he was quite fit beneath the oversized black button-up beneath his apron. As he waved to Kuromi girl, he gave a dazzlingly bright smile. Oh, no, he had dimples. Come on.

“I can help you right here.”

Snapping out of your reverie, you stepped forward to his register. San, his name was, according to the handwritten chalk name tag pinned onto his green apron fabric. Suddenly, you could hardly remember how to speak. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi.” There went that smile again. Sir, your mother must be proud. “What can I get started for you?”

“Oh, well, I…” Internally you cursed yourself for stuttering so much, but finally you remembered the name of your favorite iced drink.

“That’s a good one! Have you ever tried it with flavoring in it?”

“No,” you shook your head, “I haven’t.” You were a creature of habit, pretty much reciting the same thing every time you approached the register.

“You should! It’s so good!”

You asked him which one he recommended, and after he told you you inquired how much extra it was.

“Since you’ve never tried it and it’s my fault you are,” he chuckled, “I’ll just throw it in for free!”

And he wasn’t even a dickish frat boy. Great. “Wow, thank you!”

“Hey, it’s my pleasure, er…what’s your name?”

“It’s (y/n).”

“(y/n),” he repeats as he scribbles it on your cup and sets it down, and you hate that he even makes that sound good, “well, I hope you like your drink like this, (y/n)!”

“I’m sure I will,” you reply with a smile as you return San’s wave, heart leaping as he follows the gesture with running a hand through his shiny black locks.

Curse that café for making you spend money.

~

Two days later, you had the same class schedule, that same long break, and what the heck, why not see if San was working? It was kind of stupid how much you looked forward to the possibility of seeing him, you mused as you passed beneath the green rows of trees planted along the walkway, but that didn’t really change the feeling, so along you went with your stupid hopes of coinciding schedules.

The line was, once again, not quite to the door. Pretty good. This time, the girl in front of you had a blink hammer keychain, so you chatted with her for a bit. Apparently her name was Rina and she was an engineering major. Good for her. San called you up by the time you guys finished exchanging socials, mouth falling into an o shape the moment you stepped up.

Your heartbeat went erratic again, momentary friendship and engineering talk distracting you from preparing intelligent conversation like you told yourself you were going to.

“(y/n), right?”

Your jaw dropped. “Oh, uh, yeah. I can’t believe you remembered with all the people you see in a day!”

“I try to remember people. Plus, you tried my concoction, so that was extra memorable!”

Well, whatever made you memorable. “I’m good with names, too. I remember yours.”

He clapped a hand over his name tag. “What is it?”

“San!” You giggled.

“Be honest, was it the free add-in?”

You shook your head, grip tightening on your backpack straps. “I would have remembered anyway.”

Luckily, he smiled at that. “I’m glad. Well, what am I getting started today?”

~

There you were again. All your income going down the drain.

“Hey, (y/n)!”

“Hey, San!” You waved; your heart still had a few things to say about that dimpled smile and- as you saw on the day he wore a t-shirt, your suspicions confirmed- those arms, but by now you’ve become enough of a regular at the campus café that talking to the incredibly cute barista was practically part of your weekly assignments.

“Is it hot outside?”

“Not too bad,” you replied, “I think the weather people over-exaggerated. It’s, like, short sleeves and jeans weather.”

“Not long sleeves and shorts weather?” San teased.

“Short sleeves and jeans weather and long sleeves and shorts weather are different and you know it!”

San’s dark, shiny eyes drifted upward in thought. “You know what? They really are. Jeans one is more on the warm side, sleeves is more on the chilly.”

“See? Thank you. You appreciate me.”

“I always do, (y/n),” San agreed with a nod, setting your cup on the counter, “my favorite regular!”

“Oh, you have to say that to everyone,” you waved him off with a blush.

“I don’t have to say anything except ‘What can I get started for you?’”

“Well, thanks,” you giggled, pulling off to sit on the café couch and fake-scroll instagram while you snuck surreptitious glances at San.

Soon the harsh fluorescent institutional lights of your college’s building complex didn’t seem so bright, your focus having been centralized for a little too long. You’d ordered a drink with whipped cream on top, and the way the baristas deftly handled the compressed canisters, loading them into an actual whipped cream gun, made you almost want to become one.

Maybe you’d apply once that huge project for history was done. The next day, you planned on shopping for materials in order to build it at a table in the library on the following Monday. It was an insanely elaborate diorama that probably would have been more fun if the entire unit wasn’t crammed into two weeks’ time. You didn’t generally have any problems with your professor, but couldn’t help wondering if he’d lost his mind with that one.

Oh, well. If he wanted all those countries to have a ‘history tower’ as he called them, then you’d give him a history tower. The toweriest darn history tower he could ask for…or whatever would earn you praise and an A.

“(y/n)?” San’s voice cut through your historic reverie.

Shaking your head, you grabbed your backpack and rose from the couch once more, crossing the forest green tile floor to the drink drop-off. “Sorry, I was just thinking about assignments and stuff.”

“Oh, yeah, I totally get it, my dance class is getting intense with the choreographies we have to make. I almost gave someone who ordered a hot cocoa someone else’s strawberry smoothie earlier I was so distracted.”

Dance class? Choreography? At this point, it was practically a drinking game for ever time your brain dropped a wow. “Oh, that’s really cool. Mine’s just a history diorama,” you chuckle.

“On what?”

“The Netherlands of all places.”

“That’s so cool! I don’t know much about them, so maybe you can teach me.”

“I’ll do my best. It’ll be a crash course for sure- not exactly my specialty.”

“Well, whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll do great,” he told you warmly before his coworker handed him another drink; he gave you an apologetic glance. “I have a large cafe latte for Omar!”

You waved.

“See you next week,” he loudly whispered with a wink.

~

Next week was a bit different than your usual café run. This time, you’d been long situated at a library table, an intensely focused mess of glue, toothpicks, printed photos, paragraphs, drawings, plastic, and far, far too much more. You were going to build that tower until it broke you, then get some sugar, caffeine, and whatever adrenaline boost the glow in your heart from San gave you, then build some more. So far, it was murder to get the thing to stand despite its plastic supports. It was far later in the afternoon than you usually even got a drink, but such was a three-dimensional cultural history of the Netherlands.

“Aw, come on,” you muttered as a paragraph about Dutch paintings- Vanitas still lives, ironically- slid off its toothpick, “you were just fine a minute ago.”

It was sliding off the plastic dowels you were using to hold up the miniature spire. Sighing, you affixed it to a papier-mâché flower instead. This was ridiculous; you were busting your ass over basically a high school assignment all because your teacher wanted to send you off on your own for two weeks. Maybe, you thought venomously, he should have gotten caught up on grading papers so he could treat us like adults in return. Yeah, the fun had definitely leaked out of the project along with the last milliliter of glue, probably because it was individual. If you had a partner, you reflected as you crumpled more paper and cut another dowel.

Little did you know the effect that dowel would have on your day. As soon as you lifted your tower to insert it, a flower drifted ominously down. Your gaze softened. You blinked as a paragraph fell.

“No,” you whispered, but it was too late. The entire top decoration slid out along with the main support dowel, flopping miserably onto the table. Face crumpling, you joined it.

Bringing yourself to lift your head up was going to be hard. This was a whole day’s work down the drain. You just needed a good grade, wanted to do well and have something cute and fun, but all your energy had gone to-

“(y/n)?”

You peeled your face from between your crossed, horizontally-lain arms, despondent eyes falling upon San. You perked up slightly, getting your hair in place even if you could only muster a small smile. It didn’t escape your notice that he had a drink in each hand, but wasn’t wearing his apron. Maybe he had a date or a study session or something. If you weren’t already sad, you might’ve been at that.

“I saw how hard you were working on that,” he pouted, “I made you a drink to celebrate and everything.”

“You- you made that for me?” You asked, nodding toward what appeared to be your usual in his left hand.

“Of course. You’ve earned it. Working hard and all that.”

“Yeah,” you waved an arm over the carnage on the table, “but look at where that got me. I can’t believe I thought I had it.”

“Well,” San pushed back the chair next to yours, “I always say these things are more fun with a partner.”

“Right?” You started up your mental rant on your professor, this time verbally. “Like, what is he going to do with all these? Has he got space for them? Make these a two-person thing at least.”

“Well, he doesn’t have to know that yours is,” San winks at you, picking up a bottle of glue.

“You’re going to build this with me?”

“Sure,” he shrugs happily, “it looks fun, I’m off, and I said I wanted to learn about the Netherlands, right?”

“The skull paintings are probably the coolest part.”

“Ooh,” San stares down at the images, “emo.”

“Yet also spiritual.”

“And here I thought it was all tulips and windmills over there.”

You giggled softly at that, giving a little sigh before you picked up the center dowel. “Would you mind handing me the base, then?”

“Sure. Here, I’ll hold it down, you really jam that in there and I’ll reinforce it with the glue.”

“Ugh, that’s such a good idea,” you smacked your forehead, “why did I think the foam was enough?”

“Hey,” San put his hand on your shoulder, peering into your eyes, “it’s ok. It’s just a silly craft project.”

“Y- you’re right,” you replied, forcing yourself to stare as deeply back, even if you did blush.

“Well, I mean, your work isn’t silly, just the concept of-”

“You’re good. I know what you mean.”

~

An hour later, it was finished. The tower sat on the end of your table, keeping watch over you and San, you had his hands folded on the table as you told him your favorite embarrassing story of your eccentric great-grandfather.

“The mustard got in her glasses and everything!”

San doubled over, one hand slapping the table and the other falling onto your shoulder. You smiled in satisfaction, pausing to take a proud sip of your drink.

“And she stayed for the game?”

“Are you kidding? The office was paying for the tickets!”

“Oh, that’s great!” He laughed.

“I know.”

“We should go to a game,” San said, his eyes suddenly falling to the table as he played with his hands, “you know, at the campus stadium. Our baseball team has a game on friday. U-unless you're not comfortable with that, then my friend Jongho can come with us and-"

Your, surely baggy by now, eyes widened slightly, a smile rising back to your lips through your intent listening. "Not comfortable? Like, go as in a date?"

"We don't have to, though, we can totally just get a group to-"

"Tell Jongho I said he can stay home," you cut him off with a grin, joking to play off the backflips your ribcage was doing, especially when San smiled at you like that, I mean come on it's like you told him you were handing him his dreams and sheesh those dimples, "I mean, I don't even know him."

"Are you sure? Because he's one of my roommates, and he was building a Japan tower on our kitchen counter this morning."

"Oh. Well in that case, just tell him you found a girl who likes cute baristas."

This time, it was San's turn to blush, though he covered it by reaching for your hands, seemingly not caring about the glue splotches sullying your skin. "I- I will."

~

If you weren't already sure you made the right choice by San helping you secure an A on your project or the way he looked at you, you knew you did when he insisted on buying you a school mascot plushie and including it in your fieldside selfie together and when he practically tackled you into his arms upon hearing you confess that you only went to the café to see him.

[cringefail-hermitry]

I've been wanting to make a post like this for a while now, and well, having just finished a crucial stage of my life, I think this is a good a time as any.

It's gonna be a long one

Like, *LONG* long

Like, I Am Going To Mention Every Single One Of My Mutuals By Name long (if you'd rather not be tagged in the future, do warn me)

First of all, the primary purpose of this post is as a letter of thanks for the wonderful months you Tumblr peeps have provided me this year. I am not hesitant to say joining the hellsite was the single best decision I have made in the last 12 months, heck, I think about 2/3rds of the friends I mantain regular contact with nowadays came from here. But this wouldn't be a long post if it was just a brief "thanks y'all for improving my life". I'm gonna get into detail. And I'm gonna be sappy about it. You can't stop me. You're not my mother. And not even my mother could stop me from posting this.

I would've said "I thought long and hard about who I'd start with", if there was any question about it. There isn't. @tearychildren, where do I even fucking begin. I can't really say anything too specific because if I begin I don't think I'll stop and half this post is gonna be about you, and this is already a very long post, so I'm just going to leave it at this, you already know well enough just how much you matter to me.

Going onwards, another of the early spots goes to who I believe was my first mutual, definitely one of the first people I followed, @chlorohexidine, a long-time mutual and recent good friend, our daily chats, however short, never cease to be highlights of my days, your art is really cute (love me some rounded shapes) and brainstorming ideas for your TTRPG campaigns is always fun (I really like your worldbuilding, too). It's only fair to mention your (and my, just needed to make this segue well) good friend @xsenpi, infodumping touhou to you both genuinely got me through that month, and Undertale 2: Revenge of The Robots with Rei and TC has been a blast so far.

@soundsofastar is another that warrants special mention for actually changing my brain chemistry and making me appreciate the local wildlife even more than usual (if we ever meet in person, WE ARE GOING ON A NICE LONG WALK TO LOOK AT BIRDS TOGETHER, WHEREVER IT IS WE ARE WHEN THAT HAPPENS, MARK MY WORDS). Your art also makes me feel things. Not many things make me feel stuff a lot. That is impressive. I should be in a good spot to finish reading the Illuminae Files within the next few days, so please do pester me about it, otherwise the piece of media that the next person I'll talk about recommended to me will consume all the time I'd read it in.

So, the next person I'll talk about, @northwest-cryptid, thanks for letting me use our DMs as my Mabinotepad, and for getting me into Mabinogi in the first place, you've been both the direct and the indirect cause of many good times, and I gotta be honest I kinda admire you a lil' bit (and if you know anything about how I talk, I am horrible at expressing vulnerability, admiration and these sorts of emotions without a bunch of euphemisms unless I'm doing this sort of tangent where I attempt to talk about myself in a more depersonalized way, so what that sentence there essentially means is "I admire you a lot and you are an inspiration").

Another pivotal figure in how this year shaped out is @ratlesshonret, creator of The Bird Nest, site of many good times, who has exposed me and many others to some wonderful media (I AM GOING TO FINISH POCKET MIRROR SOMETIME, MARK MY WORDS), reading through all the chats in the server is usually a blast, too. Your contributions to my life cannot be understated. Seriously, thanks.

The next great friend I'll mention is @transgender-lea-crosscode, we've started talking more only recently, but have already bonded a fair bit, I reckon, damn you're good at Blazblue. You've dared to make me good at the game and for that, I commend you. You should say words about Zeroranger in my general direction sometime, I'd be happy to hear/read them.

Now for those mutuals that I don't really speak to, but are responsible for like, 75% of my total notes, like, everyone is more than welcome to jump into my DMs and start talking about anything whenever, but y'all specifically are folk I'd have started talking with regularly ages ago if I knew what to talk about. @hoshinoreika2004, @ward-leon, @edenplumreal, @tabnk2, @tapok-eve , @boofbv and @sorcerousbrick, thanks for all the lil' dopamine hits.

Shoutouts to @wretchedbirdthing for being normal about that bird, you're a blast to see on my dash and I wish you luck snapping those collarbones in twain to hear those gay little squawks.

@freiflies and @ottisbuns, alongside Tapok, Vic and Honret, y'all bring life into The Bird Nest, and although I haven't really shown up much there recently, I still read most of everything, the words are cool, keep up the good work!

@genericgirl420 and @mikusays-transrights, you two are the mutuals that suffer the least with The Distances, so let's do this in a more, well, local fashion. É genuinamente bom ver que a comunidade brasileira do tumblr está ativa e saudável, aumenta minhas esperanças de encontrar outras criaturinhas desse site maligno pelas ruas, sua presença, por si só, já melhora meus ânimos, por isso, agradeço profundamente.

Ok back to speaking in simplified Old German. This next section goes out to @lemocoffe and @teacup-of-doom, both of whom I haven't really interacted much, but what little there was was quite great, this is, in fact, an invite to do more of the interact-y thing. Y'all are cool.

Another shoutout to a frequent view on my dash, @lobotomise-me-please, whose "Boobs Girl Music" post still has 10k notes to me, I'll get back to mass reblogging it someday (if y'all wanna help, check out @boobsgirlmusic for the post, that's my Boobs Girl Music sideblog where I reblog Boobs Girl Music)

@aurora-veil, @limbuscompanyyuri and @thevanishedpeople-intothenight are up next, some of my first mutuals, y'all post good. And have been doing so consistently. For the past like, 9 months or so. That's impressive.

@meltingadoration, @holyitsquiverrflynn and @jestressofnihil, my more recent moots, there hasn't been much time to do the friendship-building and knowing each other thing, but all that means is that there's still many opportunities for that, which is cool.

Last but not least, the mutuals who I haven't quite gotten to know as well, but I'm inviting to chat anytime, @readysetgargoyle, @atlasmothss, @meeresengel, @flesh-borne, @b-kut, @aureatecenotaph, @risingdragonblade, @agender-witchery (your posts helped me immensely in figuring out gender, thanks for that) and @lich-of-lcorp. Y'all are cool, we should talk more.

And one last section for all those who I've been in touch with but aren't mutuals with, for any and all reasons (I do tend to reblog very, well, erratically), y'all deserve to be on this list, but I just didn't wanna bother you too much (I do have words of thanks to say though, if you want them, just ask).

This post is still too short to express how thankful I am for y'all existing. I don't think text could ever do it justice.

[mrgriffiths]

Hey there! I'm new to the Fandom, and I love love love your blog and all that you share about TIG/Terry Silver. I couldn't help but ask..

What are your thoughts on kk3!terry falling for a beloved that's from Vietnam?

I noticed that you haven't done these types of asks, so I wanted to know your thoughts on it!

You don't have to reply to this, but thank you so much for all that you do!

xoxo

Hi there, anon! Welcome to the Fandom <3

Thank you for your kind words!

I haven't really answered an ask like this, but I'll share my thoughts on it. You're always welcome to send me an ask!

If you're looking for similar content, then @terrence-silver is your blog! They have the best chatacter analysis of Terry and some of TIGs' other characters, too!

And if you're looking for a reader/oc insert stories/one shots for Terry or other TIG characters, then I certainly recommend these awesome blogs for you! @karatekels @virgo-mess @eemcintyre @thedeadsingforme @larussos-left-sock

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- Terry had come a long way from the person he once was during his Vietnam days. He's no longer the skinny, doe-eyed, somewhat innocent kid who came from a rich family all to prove to his father(and himself) that he is a man.

- He had an empire of his own now, dynatix industries, a nuclear waste disposal company that had been handed down to him by his father. He's done plenty of shady things, getting on the cover of the latest magazine and news papers was a regular thing for him. His physique was envied by men who were associated with him even. Perfectly sculpted face and an equally perfect charm to go with it.

- He had a playboy reputation with more money than most in the upper crust society. He's manipulative and will use any tactic he sees fit if needed. Everyone else is below him and he always had a good time toying with people. He's had his time with girls of every race, age , color, you name it. When Terry Silver wants something, he will definitely get it. So when he sets his sites on his beloved for the first time, he isn't bewildered immediately until he finds out more about them.

- If anything he sees them as the enemy at first, a stigma that's been around since the time he's been to Vietnam. He never forgot what happened there. Waking up in cold sweat after seeing his friend killed right infront of him, the bomb blasts and torture they all had gone through. A parting gift of the war.

- his beloved has certainly perked his interests though, whether they're apart of his upper crust society or simply a nobody there's definitely something about them that he can't seem to look past them. Maybe it's their features that is embedded in his head after he first saw them.

- Or it could be their characteristics or personality that's different from every woman he's ever been with. Maybe it's the way they walk, the way they talk, heck maybe it's the way they breathe. Terry will notice everything.

- Terry finds himself looking for beloved all the more. No amount of coke or bedding woman who even looks like them does the trick. He finds himself needing to find out everything about his beloved. He'd immediately thought of hiring an entire team of private investigators to find out every little thing about them. He wants to know their history, who is responsible for bringing his newly formed 'problem' into this world.

- He eventually sets on doing the job by himself. Stalking them, breaking in and entering into their home whilst they're in a deep sleep. He by hearted they're daily routine, he knows when they're in a deep sleep during the late hours of the night. He knows what they eat, what they wear, what hobbies they have, all down to what brand of shampoo they use. He utilizes anything that will help him understand what they are all about.

- He'd sometimes leave something behind in they're home, a dingy apartment unworthy of beloved in his eyes regardless of how well maintainedit is or not. Maybe a hundred dollar bill or even his own semen on their pillows after jerking off on their bed. He'd take something for himself too. Maybe a pair or two of beloved underwear suddenly goes missing.

- After everything he's come to know of beloved with them being none the wiser, he curates a persona of himself that fits all of beloved needs and wants ultimately becoming their dream man before he comes face to face with them again.

- Terry entraps beloved in his web afterwards. He makes sure they're smitten with him and never suspects a thing, giving them everything he knows they want from a partner gaining their trust over a short span of time. Once he's got them where he wants them he would reveal his true self. Ultimately hurting beloved so deeply because they are in fact the enemy. There's a price you have to pay for taking up so much of his time and consuming his mind.

- He thinks he's finally gotten what he wanted after breaking beloved completely but he still isn't able to move past them. It finally dawns upon him that he is in fact in love with beloved and no matter what he tells himself he cannot find anyone to replace them, no amount of coke or people who look like them.

- Terry sets about getting them back this time as himself. No matter where beloved goes he will find them. He will kidnap them if need be in the occasion of them denying everything he's offering them. He will help them see reason in time. He will go to any lengths to make sure beloved remains at his side.

- Stockholm syndrome will be in full swing. He erases the identity beloved once had as no one has the right to so much as know what beloved looks like without his permission. He'd estrange beloved from they're friends and family making them see how he's the only one they need.

- Preparations for the wedding will be in full swing. The wedding of the century. Everyone will know and will be ultimately shocked that playboy Terrence Silver has settled down. The entire world would know months in advance yet they would never see the actual ceremony regardless of the royal standard preparations that's been made. Terry's beloved is for his eyes only.

- The media only gets a single glimpse of beloved and they're rarely seen afterwards. Only when Terry deems it fit at some gala or event. Rest assured, no other woman ever crosses his mind again. He's fully consumed by beloved without them knowing the power they truly have on him. He'd go to any lengths to sure them his devotion too.

- beloved is the only one he'd trust with the truly gruesome parts of his life, through the Vietnam flashbacks where he'd sometimes need to hold them tightly the entire night or sometimes just their presence in the room at a distance. They've seen it all with him including the way he's beloved friend John Kreese had left him when things went down south. Beloved is the only thing that helps keep him grounded.

- Terry eventually starts a legacy of his own with beloved making sure that everything goes as he planned. Nothing is too much or unnecessary for his Silver empire.

Decades later he looks at himself in the bathroom mirror, thinking of how everything had suddenly took a turn in his life that one fateful day he'd set his eyes on beloved. His reflection stares back at him and next to it, ponytail stands with a smile on his face. His long lost war buddy whose personality and traits he's personally taken over as a tribute to his friend.

"You've chosen well twig." , ponytail says and vanishes in the next second leaving Terry smiling faintly at the thought. Letting his now silver colored hair down from its confines, he goes into his bedroom joining his beloved in bed.

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Ahh, I hope I've done this ask justice!

Thank you for sending it in anon!

Much love🤍

[samthehyena]

A longwinded post about how I've been feeling frustrated and tired as a femslash author

Just crossposting my recent vent post from dreamwidth since I know that some of my togachako friends have been going through similar frustrations. So I thought that who knows maybe this could help make anyone else with similar frustrations about BNHA femslash feel a little less alone.

Lately, I've been reflecting a lot on writing femslash in the BNHA fandom. I don't know, I've just been growing more frustrated with the discrepancy between how well M/M fics do compared to F/F fics.

I’ll start out with how I ended up writing a lot of F/F fics to begin with. BNHA is probably one of the first fandoms where I initially shipped mostly M/M ships rather than mainly F/F ships. It was a little bit of a shift for me given that before I started reading/writing fics on AO3 I was a shipper in fandoms where femslash ships were more prominent than in BNHA (think She-Ra or Adventure Time featuring Bubbline).

Anyways, I entered the fandom in roughly November 2022 and I was reading a lot of the very popular longfics for BNHA for the first handful of months after I got into the fandom. One of said longfics was a quirkless Izuku in fic in which there was background Inko/Midnight but Inko died before Midnight could propose. And that moment struck a chord with the tragic yuri lover in me – and I was determine to write at least one fic in which Inko and Nemuri could be happy together without their love ending in tragedy.

Thus, my fourth fic ever (if memory serves) was a self-indulgent one shot in which Inko was a cop and Midnight was a thief. And there was a very thoughtful comment and bookmark on that fic that made me overjoyed because I could see that someone else loved Inko/Midnight as much as I did. So I did what I still often do and browsed through the bookmarks of people who bookmarked that fic (after all people who like my stuff are likely to have similar fanfic tastes to me) – and behold I found so many yummy BNHA femslash recs. That’s when I realized that there ARE BNHA femslash fics out there – I just had to work harder and know where to look.

Flash forward to the summer of 2023 (ah the good old days of olden times) and I hopped onto the togachako renaissance train after the togachako chapters dropped. After all, I’ve always been a sucker for hero/villain and stories of redemption (coughs in catradora shipper). And at first posting for togachako felt so explosively rewarding. Knowing that femslash fics typically do not get as much engagement as say M/M fics, I was so amazed and overjoyed to see my first few togachako fics get comparable reader engagement when placed beside my other fics.

Heck, my most fic with the most kudos was a togachako multi chap I started posting when there was a big boom in new togachako shippers in the following months.

But with time the tides turned. By November the togachako oneshots I was posting did not get as many comments or kudos as my first few togachako fics did. And it was a bit discouraging to see the increasing disparity between my femslash fics and other fics especially since I like writing F/F the most of all. Still, I pushed forward because I’d see the returning readers in my kudos email and I had friends to cheer me on when I was feeling discouraged.

Eventually continuous togachako server drama ended up chipping away at my resilience (to no fault of the mod team – they are wonderful). I won’t go deep into it because it’s convoluted and not necessary to make my point. I’ll just touch on the two straws that broke the camels back after months of poor behavior that the mod team I was a part of had to mediate.

One day there was a comment someone made about there “not being enough new togachako fics after chapter 428 was dropped.” And that comment made quite frustrated since in my opinion at least there was a bit of a jump in togachako fics after the epilogue chapters dropped (I highly recommend this comphet fic and this fix-it fic oneshot). Also togachako writers worked FAST there was so much new togachako angst posted after chapter 428 that helped me heal from how sad I was about the outcome. Heck, I also posted an angsty togachako fic within 48 hours after spoilers for chapter 428 dropped.

Anyways, the comment made me feel like the work femslash writers were putting in was being underappreciated. Of course I get it that it can be tricky to filter for togachako fics that are more than a background pairing – but there are fics out there. Also, sorry to be a cynic here… I don’t think it’s realistic to expect as much of a boom in togachako fics as in summer 2023 where there were a bunch of new togachako fans whereas rn the bulk of togachako fics are being written by ppl who have already been togachakos for a bit.

I know that the comment was not meant to be a personal attack by any means but as someone who is a relatively prolific togachako writer idk I felt like the work I put in was being ignored. Not that I expect ppl who ship togachako to read my stuff because seriously there are a lot of togachako writers out there more adept than I am. It just instigated me guilt-tripping myself. I tried so hard to uplift the togachako community – I love making togachako rec lists and putting togachako recs in my author’s notes. I make sure to comment on togachako fics and read togachako fics regularly even when I’m tired and am lacking the reading/commenting spoons. Because I love femslash so much and I want F/F writers to know that they are valued and appreciated and how fucking cool I think their stories are.

So I fell down a spiral of thinking that my writing wasn’t good enough, that my efforts to uplift the togachako community weren’t good enough, that I wasn’t good enough. There’s a part of me that so badly wants to be like the femslash writers I admire – to inspire, motivate and induce brainrot – but I felt like I was failing. Like all the work I was putting in was pointless. All I could see was how clunky I perceive my writing style is. How a lot of my togachako fics weren’t innovative enough and kept treading the same ground.

And I really aspire to become the kind of togachako writer that avid togachako readers might recognize and be like “Oh samthehyena? That name sounds sorta familiar”. But that whole mental spiral just left me doubtful that “breaking into the ship” is in the cards for me.

On the other hand, I feel so privileged that Dear Google has gotten a lot of traction. It is such a privilege to have such a sizable readership for a togachako-centric longfic – especially since I know a lot of fanfic readers are apprehensive about reading longfics so I am so grateful for being given a chance and all the outward support I’ve gotten. I am so happy and grateful that I have a femslash fic that’s going so well – without it I would’ve reached the extent of frustration I am feeling right now much sooner.

Yet even though I have the privilege of Dear Google’s readership, I often yearn for more engagement with the bulk of my togachako fics. Because heaven knows that I’ve written a good handful of togachako fics and my femslash works in general that didn’t get comments at all or only after many months later – and I know it’s not all about the stats. That’s not what transformative works are I supposed to be about – I know, I know it’s supposed to be about the act of creation and exploring characters we already love further. I guess it’s just tough to put sth out there and hear crickets. I feel like I’m screaming into the void at times.

Added to that I was helping to run a togachako exchange for which a lot of people hadn’t turned in their assignments on time and we weren’t able to gather enough pinch hitters together. So me and another mod were struggling to crank out a bunch of pinch hits last minute. Writing four fics for that exchange was not by choice. I was already burnt out from doing too many fandom events and writing so many fics out of a sense of obligation rather than a burst of creative energy crushed me mentally.

Ultimately, I think taking on all of those pinch hits was a moment of clarity for me. The stress of that situation left me sobbing on the floor in front of my parents and I couldn’t even tell them why I felt so overwhelmed since I only talk to my brother, friends and occasionally my sister about my fanfic stuff. That’s when I realized that I needed to take a step back from being as involved with the togachako community to the extent that I have been for the past year. Because as much as I love the ship, as much as I want to do my part to uplift the femslash community, I cannot to so at the expense of my own wellbeing. Especially because the negative online interactions had made me start to resent togachako – and I do not want to lose my passion for one of my fav ships the way I did with Shindeku last year due to people behaving badly online.

So I took a step back and narrowed down the places where I exchanged with togachako to the online nooks where I did not feel emotionally drained. And I’ve been starting to heal a little. The new NSFW togachako oneshot has been really healing in that process. Because this fic doesn’t feel like a chore to write the way those exchange pinch hits did – it’s tailored to my tastes and I feel like I’m finally breaking out of the monotony that’s been present in a lot of the togachako oneshots I posted in the last few months. It’s starting to feel more like it did when I was just getting started with writing fanfics – everything was exciting and new and I wasn’t as chained to my comfort zone yet. So writing angst and smut when I usually write crack and sfw stuff has been challenging, a little scary but also exciting. And although the fic doesn’t exactly have many readers (yet) I still feel like it has value to people other than myself. The comments that this multi chap means a lot to me because it makes me feel like I’m developing a better understanding of people who like the same things that I do. Because while I do write for myself, I share because of a desire to contribute to a sense of community.

Sometimes it helps to remind myself that my favorite things I have written tend to be my femslash fics. When it comes to reading my own writing I end up being self-critical and I have a hard time enjoying the act of reading my works because all I can see are the shortcomings. The drafting process is what brings me the most joy moreso than the act of creating stuff I’d like to read. Some notable exceptions are my HungerGames!Togachako AU and my Bachelor!Inko/Midnight AU fics. They just scratch an itch in my brain and fill a niche I yearn for in a way that I can overlook how much I cringe at my pitfalls as a writer (mostly typos – a lot of typos). And even though those specific fics didn’t get as much attention as I wish they had – didn’t get the kind of traction they would have if they were M/M fics – I still love them to bits. And my favorite things I’ve written are something that ground me. A reminder that first and foremost my writing is supposed to bring me joy.

Despite all my frustrations, I don't regret taking the leap to writing mostly femslash. I appreciate Ice especially, my beloved supporter and enabler for all things femslash. Without her I don't think I would have been brave enough to switch to mostly writing femslash no matter how passionate I've always been about WLW stories. It can feel a little lonely posting F/F especially when the reader engagement compared to my M/M fics and even a good portion of my gen fic is much more limited. So seriously Ice I love you so much. I appreciate how you're always happy to Iisten to me ramble and you make me feel like my femslash writing has value and can resonate with people even if it does not always reach as wide of a readership as I would hope. You are my number one cheerleader when it comes to my fics and I am so glad to have you in my life.

So who knows what’s next? Probably no togachako oneshots for a while from me let alone event fics (save for the one that’s already written). But I still feel passionate about the togachako multi chaps because they challenge me and have stuff that is new and exciting to me that I haven’t necessarily read/written before. I guess for the foreseeable future I’ll focus on Knee Deep In the Passenger Seat and Dear Google because I’m still fixated on the stories that can only be told in longform rather than shorter oneshots.

And mayhaps I’ll even expand to other fandoms. Descendants 4 brainrot has been festering in my brain – there are some high quality femslash ships with enemies to lovers and tragic yuri vibes and I am obsessed. Also, since the movie literally came out last month I need to get to it and crank out more femslash descendants fics :DDD (cinderella/queen of hearts only has 22 fics when I checked yesterday so it’s high time i fan the flames of this precious rarepair)