#(like texts and messages and whatnot) and i hate that! i really do!! i wish it wasn’t so damn draining for me to try to communicate!!!

[astermath]

 “So? Whatever.” pt.3

pairing: dave lizewski x popular!fem!reader

summary: you and dave grow closer and you both share stories and secrets. one faithful night, when he’s got nowhere else to go, he reveals his biggest one.

word count: 1.7K

warnings: mentions of blood and injuries

♡ LANDING PAGE ♡

notes: this is probably the final one in this series, but I’ll definitely be writing some blurbs and whatnot using the popular!reader. any requests or things you want to see between these two, or just dave, are welcome in my asks!! thank you for the sweet comments and reblogs, they mean the world to me, hope you enjoy!! <3

Meeting Dave at your house had now become a weekly occurrence.

Every Saturday he’d stop by for a “tutoring session”, backpack filled with new comics and sometimes collectibles, usually bought with the money you gave him for his time. You’d started enjoying your time together so much that you started bailing on party plans or shopping trips, raising some suspicions from your friends as to what you were up to. You simply said you were focusing more on school to finish the year off properly. Which would be a decent excuse if your grades were actually improving, which they weren’t exactly. 

Your Saturdays were usually spent on the carpeted floor of your room, pages spread as excited voices filled the space, talking about your favorite arcs and discussing who the best supervillain really was. 

You had easily become one of Dave’s favorite people to spend time with outside of his vigilante duties, and the feeling was mutual. A crush had started brewing between you two, but neither of you wanted to admit to it. Not just because your worlds outside the safe space of your bedroom were so vastly different, but because you didn’t want to ruin this perfectly good thing you had going on with each other. Even if it meant suppressing the urge to ask him to stay the night, or him pushing away thoughts of kissing you before he’d leave, it was for the best.

Dave had grown so fond of you, you’d shared so much about yourself. You’d opened up about your insecurities, about how competitive cheerleading had affected your mental health, how you hated how your father was away so much for work, how you felt trapped by your reputation... All these things you could never talk about before, they were safe with him.

That’s why Dave felt so ridden with guilt any time you would share things like that with him. Because he was essentially just... Lying to you. You had no idea he was Kickass, at least that’s what he hoped, and the thought of you resenting him for it was eating away at him. If you knew what he was doing when you weren’t there, if you found out about this entire other persona, there was no way you’d still want to spend time with him. At best, you’d turn him in to the police, and he’d never see you again.

But something inside his head, something really stupid and naïve was telling him you’d accept him.

That really stupid part was also in love with you.

Dave’s text messages had been less frequent lately, further adding to your worries about what he’d been up to. He’d cancelled multiple times in the past few weeks, something he’d never done before, and when you asked what he was doing he got so nervous. He’d usually just give some strange excuse or said his dad needed him to be home with all the crime that’s been going on. But that wouldn’t explain the bruises you’d notice on his arms when he took his jacket off, which he’d quickly try to cover by pulling down his sleeves. You’d asked your brother if him or any of his friends had been messing with him, threatening to light his jerseys on fire if he lied about it.

“The fuck would I know about what your boyfriend’s been up to?” He spat, upset that you were bothering him with this at all.

“He’s not my boyfriend, shithead!” You yelled, throwing a pillow at his head.

But damn, did you wish he was.

You sat in your room, flipping through the pages of the collector’s edition Spider-man comic Dave had gifted you months ago. Your fingers traced across the lines of the damaged paper, wondering if he really bought it like this or some asshole at school did this to it. For someone so secretly strong he sure let a lot of people fuck with him.

You thought back at all your years in high school where you deliberately ignored him or even allowed your friends to make fun of him. You wished you could turn back time and give him a chance earlier on, maybe be able to spend more time with him now that he seemed too busy for you now. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by a knock against your window. You didn’t respond at first, thinking you imagined it, but when the sound returned a bit louder you got up. You squinted, finding it a bit hard to see who or what was outside your window when it was so dark outside. You approached and realized it was Dave, looking a bit panicked. You didn’t even think much about it, sliding your window up so you could talk to him. “Dave! Where the fuck have you--” 

“Can I please come in?” He interrupted, his breath ragged, looking like a mess. It was only now you noticed the bruises and the cut across his cheek. You nodded, moving aside so he could come in. He struggled, limping a little, and you turned back around to close the window, hearing him take off his jacket and drop his bag.

“What the hell were you even--” Your own sentence was cut short when you were met with a sight you had not expected. Your eyes widened and your expression changed into one of shock and worry.

There he was, full Kickass attire, no mask. 

And everything clicked.

The random bruises, the comic book obsession, his secret strength, his sudden disappearances...

A heavy silence filled the room, the only sounds present his rough breathing as he put a hand against your bedpost to keep standing. 

“Is... Is this why you’ve been so busy?” Your voice sounded hurt, betrayed even. “You’ve been fighting people?”

Dave struggled to get any words out. He’d hoped he’d never have to do this, but he had nowhere else to go, and you deserved to know the truth. He looked to the side in shame, sighing. “I’ve... Been meaning to tell you. For a while now, I promise, I just... It all escalated so much, I never meant for it to become such a big lie.”

You looked at each other, and Dave’s heart literally ached at the sight of your teary eyes. Or maybe it was the cracked rib that was doing that, who knows honestly.

“Sit down.” You said, pointing at your bed.

“W-What? I don’t--”

“Sit. Down.” Your voice demanded, eyes meeting his with a look he’d never experienced from anyone before, not even when he was getting his life threatened by criminals.

He gently sat down on your bed, groaning slightly at the movement straining his injuries. You silently walked to your bathroom and took out the first aid kit from below the sink. You sat down next to him on the bed as Dave kept his head down in shame. He was certain he’d cry if he saw the expression on your face right now. 

“Take it off. The top part.”

He didn’t say anything, reaching behind him and unzipping the back, peeling the layer of clothing off his body and revealing a wide array of injuries. Normally you’d be excited to see him shirtless, his toned body surprising you, but right now all you felt was hurt. You put some rubbing alcohol on a cotton pad and gently patted the cut on his shoulder. Despite your anger, your grip on his arm was soft. 

He winced slightly at the burning feeling, looking at you and seeing a few tears roll down your cheeks. “Hey, I’m... I’m really sorry.” He spoke softly as you prepared a bandage. He said your name so gently, so sweetly, that you almost wanted to kiss him, if you weren’t so upset. “Everything got so real, and I met other vigilantes, other people like me... It started taking up so much time, I felt bad, and I couldn’t just abandon it, so...”

“So you abandoned me instead?” You finally looked up to face him. You were still holding his arm, and even like this, crying and upset, he thought you looked so beautiful.

“I...” He felt his own eyes start watering. “I would never abandon you...” His hand reached out to rest over your back. “No matter what, I swear, I would never give up what we have...” He gently pulled you in, hugging you so softly, a bit hesitant.

You leaned in closer, head against his bare chest as you started calming down. He didn’t hate you, he didn’t leave, he was there, right there. You closed your eyes, listening to his heartbeat as he reached down to rest his face against the top of your head, the gentle scent of your shampoo calming him as well. You stayed just like that for a few minutes, holding each other. Nothing else in the world mattered, everything you wanted was right there in the room with you.

You gently pulled back, and Dave was certain he’d be met with either a slap or a finger pointing to the window to get out.

Both of those guesses were wrong.

You leaned in, lips meeting his in the softest, gentlest most loving kiss either of you had ever experienced. No lust, no intentions other than to just feel closer to him. Your mouth opened slightly and Dave leaned in more, a hand reaching out to rest on your cheek as yours sneaked into his brown curls. A warmth had spread through your body, mind running blank, until you gently pulled away.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.” You whispered against his lips.

“Yeah...” He whispered back. “Me too...” The both of you leaned back in, passion growing as your breathing became heavier and the kiss became more intense. His arms snaked around your waist and you moved onto his lap, straddling him. He didn’t care if it hurt, all he wanted was to be even closer to you, to never let you go. 

You pulled away and looked into his eyes, before a soft smile appeared on your face. “You know I’d never hate you, Dave...” You reach out to gently touch his cheek, and he melts into your hand, tilting his head slightly to lean into it.

“I really thought you would...” He smiled. That adorable, nerdy, slightly nervous smile that you’d grown to love.

“Of course not...” You grin. “In fact...” You leaned in closer to his ear. “I always thought Kickass was kinda hot...”

Heat rises to his face, and his grip on your waist strengthens just a bit at your lustful tone. 

He gained another ally that night. His most valuable one, for sure.

tag list <3

@nephilimsss @tangerinesgf @dynamitehacke @izzyisstuff @cinawoah @amoebagrl @ykyouluvme  @stilloverthinking @erodastylinson   @reneehillary69  

[elvenbeard]

22 J for your V dude!

Thanks so much for asking!! :D

22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? 

Honestly, V is actually not a very jealous person overall. Since he tends to need quite some time to be able to open up to others it's more or less a normal occurrence that some will lose interest or turn elsewhere when he cannot give them what they need or want. That's okay with him. It happened before it will certainly happen again. Obviously it's not a nice feeling to be left behind, or to have someone you love "taken away" by someone else for example. But as much as he wouldn't want others to act extensively possessive of him, he wouldn't think of acting like that the other way around. The keyword for him is clearly establishing boundaries and speaking openly about expectations to avoid any feelings of jealously and whatnot from even popping up in the first place. At least that's the theory, practise may differ or not be as plain and simple.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

I think the Corpo lifepath I chose for him and the general timeline of events predating 2077 leave just enough gaps and wiggle room to fit all my headcanons that make my V my V only and shape him into the person I want him to be xD I did consider aging him up a little bit from the canon age, because in my head he "feels" a little bit older than 27 (I think?)... but I mean, he went through some stuff and had to grow up kind of fast so, it works still!

As for the actual game canon and story and events, some of the special dialogue options I got actually inspired me to shape him more into one direction or another... But there definitely are a handful of dialogue choices here and there that feel very out of character for him. Or at least where I would have wished for a third, more neutral option than the two polar opposites presented.

Most of these I can think about revolve around Panam's storyline, where oftentimes I wished there was a third option to tell her "hey, I think you're pretty cool, we could benefit from keeping in touch, maybe be friends, but nothing more" but instead being given choice A: "I always wished to be a nomad and lead a quiet life, also, I want to spend the rest of my life with you" or choice B: "I'm an absolute dickhead with zero empathy and helping you solely for my personal gain (even though there really isn't that much to gain here financially or otherwise, so why is this even an option?)". There are one or two similar instances with Judy where I would have wished for more variety in dialogue choices, but it was a lot less annoying than with Panam for me personally (I do love Panam, but I feel it's so obvious she was written as male V's main love interest that it really overshadows her character too much for me. I love love love her text messages regarding the other main characters, and how philosophical she gets about life and family and all that which in turn does get my V, who grew up in a very shitty family, to really think what "family" even means to him... I could probably write a whole essay about this so I'll leave it at that for now XD in my head my V and Panam become friends, but it takes them a lot longer to grow close and in general play out a lot different than how it's happening in game, simply because they're from such different worlds but V isn't a coldhearted pragmatic bitch)

There's also one line V says in the Sun ending that I really hate and choose to ingore xD But that's about it for things I changed in my headcanon, everything else worked very well for me personally.

[narrators-journal]

Moonlight

warning: Light depictions of violence, Aku really admires Atsushi’s tiger (idk if it comes off as super sexual, so idk might be a bit monster-fucker-y) Nothing sexual or vulgar, just him being super into watching Atsushi kill.

edit: Had to fix some glaring formatting issues, also just editted some of the choppier bits of the text :D

Akutagawa had no clue why he was out looking for a pissy tiger gijinka at 10 pm, but he was. He wasn't super thrilled about it, to say the least. However, Dazai had called and explained that Atsushi had apparently had an awful day at work or something and then changed into a weretiger in the evening, and the bandaged ADA agent wasn't sure if that was intentional or because of the full moon, so it was now up to Aku to go find the weretiger and bring him back to his apartment before he could cause any trouble.

Any good mafia member would've told the traitorous sociopath to go fuck himself with a cactus, but some weird urge had led the goth to agree to return Atsushi home for his old mentor. Had him receiving the crybaby's address from his mentor and heading out into the darkness.

It wasn't that he still wanted acknowledgment, he'd gotten his praise and acknowledgment a few weeks before. So while he still highly respected Dazai, he wasn't out clicking his tongue into alleyways and lifting himself onto rooftops at such a late hour for his praise. It definitely wasn't out of concern for Jinko, he could care less if the brainless house cat got hit by a car or stuck up a telephone pole. No, what had Akutagawa out near the hellish docks was a lingering sense of curiosity. He couldn't exactly place what he was curious about that exact moment, but he was intrigued. So, he poked around until he finally spotted a familiar flick of white and black disappearing around the corner in the slums.

When he spotted the first signs of Atsushi, Akutagawa dropped to a crouch and crept forward until he could look around the wall to see a dimly glowing white tiger nosing through a trash bag he seemed interested in. With him distracted, Aku took the chance to move towards him, bringing Rashoumon to life once he was close enough. Either the energy or the light near-instantly drew the predator's eye, but either way, he was now staring into the golden eyes of Atsushi Nakajima, or, more so, his tiger.

In that dangerous, uneasy situation, it finally clicked. He'd wanted to see this. Atsushi's full tiger form. That's why he'd agreed to go hunting for him upon Dazai's request. Not only that but staring into those predatory eyes brought a new sensation through his body. Awe.

        "Jinko," He said, doing his best to sound calm while he internally battled a storm of fear, awe, and honest wonder. "Can you understand me?" He asked it nonchalantly, his grey eyes just staying glued to the tiger's golden gaze as he circled to face the vampire of a man properly. With no answer, obviously, Aku took a deep breath to steel his nerves before trying to reason with the creature again, "Listen, I know we don't get along, you annoy the shit out of me, I'm sure you dislike me just as much. But, Dazai sent me to try and return you home, so can you please cooperate?" He asked, but the answer he got was a pretty huffy tail lash and the creature walking past him and across the street to dig through more trash. And for a moment, Akutagawa was nearly mesmerized, forgetting what he was going to say. The hunter's movements revealed the powerful muscles just beneath its snowy, striped fur, it knocked home just how dangerous this car-sized cat could be. He hasn't attacked me though, the mafioso realized, normally Jinko would maul me on sight, but his tiger isn't. Not even a growl. The realization almost made a sense of honor well up in his chest as he followed the giant cat to the next bag of garbage he seemed intent on investigating.

For a bit, the goth trailed after the large predator, his original task abandoned, mesmerized by the sight of it moving so quietly despite its lethal claws and hulking, muscular form. However, his observations were interrupted when a realization hit him like a brick to the face, Of course! He's hungry! No wonder he's been digging through stray garbage bags and whatnot, he's probably looking for meat! He slapped his hand over his face at how obvious that had been, then, he whistled to the massive feline, coughing a few times before he spoke again,           "Would you like to actually hunt, Jinko?" The snowy ears of the creature perked at the mention of hunting, perhaps he can understand me to some extent, the thought was swiftly shelved for later though, he had mentioned hunting, he had no time to ponder how conscious his nemesis was as a likely impatient and hungry tiger. "If you follow me, I can take you to someone you can hunt," he offered, once again looking into the yellow eyes of the beast, almost able to see him contemplating his offer before he suddenly moved forward.

Akutagawa's first thought was that the car-sized feline was going to eat him instead, but no. In reality, Atsushi simply headbutted him in the chest, sending him sliding on his back across the pavement, coughing and wheezing from the air leaving his weak lungs so suddenly.             "J-Jinko!" he snapped between coughs, glowing red in his annoyance, but instead of being even slightly intimidated or on-edge from the show of hostility, Atsushi just continued to headbutt or nose him, pushing him along the pavement until the choking mafioso finally managed to put his hand on the cat's striped, moon-silver forehead, Holy shit, you're so soft, and shove him back enough to let him get back to his feet. "What are you doing Jinko? Don't nuzzle up to me just because I offered you food, dumbass!" he snarled, keeping his pale hand on the cat's head as he glared at him.

The two stood there for a moment, Akutagawa's glow intensifying when Atsushi pushed against his hand and made him step back to avoid tumbling over again, all the while the choppy-haired vampire was trying to decipher what the weretiger might be doing this for. It's not likely that he wishes to eat me. If he did, he would've pounced as soon as I was on the ground...That also means he's not looking for a fight. Could it be his way of thanking me for offering to take him to hunt? Is he just trying to NUZZLE me?? His cheeks heated like stovetop burners at the thought of the elegant predator showing him, his most hated rival, affection of all things. He could handle the tiger trying to maul him, half expected it honestly, but he didn't know how to feel about Atsushi nuzzling up to him as a thank you or otherwise.

It was only when he gave another attempt at a nudge that Akutagawa got the message at long last.           "Oh! You're wanting me to take you there!" He rolled his dark gray eyes at that and pushed himself away from the weretiger, turning around with a huff and starting to lead the way. This also gave his pale cheeks the time to return to normal in the cool night air, though his heart couldn't seem to stay at a steady, calm pace. It kept jumping and thumping unpredictably with the excitement of maybe seeing Atsushi on a proper hunt.

It was sure to be a fascinating sight, to see the massive feline crouched, creeping up on an unsuspecting victim, to see his muscles bunch with so much power just before lunging at the prey. He was excited at the thought of seeing the weretiger's lethal talons tear into a person, and his jaws crunch down mercilessly on his victim's bones. The sheer power of it. The fact that he had fought someone who could tap into that primal potential. He'd looked into such an animal's eyes, he'd seen the human intelligence mingling seamlessly with the animalistic cunning. Atsushi's razor-sharp fangs had been mere inches from such a vital part of his body, and yet he'd done no malicious harm. No, not a scratch. Aku couldn't place the feeling of awe and nebulous adrenaline-pumping thrill he got from it. From being so close to a beast who could end him without hesitation or issue, and yet he hadn't. All of that strength was so beautifully control-

The goth's thoughts were interrupted by another headbutt, this time to his spine, sending him sprawling onto the pavement with an indignant squawk.           "Jinko! Wha- Are you trying to get me to speed up, or fucking kill me?!" He snapped, scrambling to his feet with a small cough and a tidal wave of humiliation for the noise he'd made on his way down, but his only response was another nudge from the beast, one he swatted away. "Oh no! I am not jogging or running ahead of you! Quit acting like an impatient toddler," he scolded, dusting himself off while the tiger huffed like said impatient toddler.

With his own grumpy huff, he continued, leading Atsushi out of the slums and into the nicer parts of town. It wasn't the rich end of Yokohama, where the homes were capped with long driveways and wrought-iron fences or had names for addresses, but it wasn't the slums. The neighborhood they ended up in, while sparse of people on the sidewalk and road, thrummed with life within the safety of the nightclubs and bars that were scattered about. It was somewhere near the outskirts of town without being too far, around there Akutagawa would find the mafia's casino and the one rival casino whose owner was as equally a customer of the mafia as much as a rival.           "Alright, you stay here for a moment. I've got to go find your food. Don't worry, they aren't good, innocent people, so you shouldn't feel a lick of shame for eating them." He promised Atsushi, now standing a few buildings down in a wide alleyway from the rival casino. "You eat the men in suits to your heart's content, in return, I'll destroy the street security cameras." The creature made a noise he assumed was agreement, so he left him in the alleyway and began prowling the street, taking out cameras as he went until he'd not only left the whole street defenseless but also found the owner of the second gambling hall.

Once he'd located the man and his goons relaxing at an outside table, smoking and drinking their booze in front of the closed shop, he used a ribbon of his coat to slither over and knick the owner with the sharpened cloth, slipping away before he realized it was more than a simple bug bite or accidental scratch. With the fresh blood now on his coat, he slunk back to Atsushi, letting the striped hunter sniff the strip of cloth thoroughly before he hoisted himself onto the roof with Rashoumon.

From his vantage point on the rooftops, the wheezy goth could follow the weretiger as he prowled down the street, following the scent of blood until he too spotted the prey at the cafe table and fell into a hunter's crouch. The goth repressed his coughing and wheezing as much as possible, paused with the cat, his grey eyes fixated on the silent animal as he inched closer to the men.

It amazed Aku that neither the owner nor his goons noticed the rabbit-soft white-and-black fur of the weretiger, part of him wanted them to spot the beast before he pounced, just so he could watch them run and panic and really see Atsushi chase down his prey. Sadly, by the time the small group had finally realized they were being stalked, it was too late. Atsushi was already on them, tearing them apart, his powerful jaws turning their muscles to pulled pork in seconds, his talons tearing into them like a hot knife through butter. They tried to run, but they didn't get far before each one was picked off with one swipe of the dark claws, or powerful jaws of the predator.

Akutagawa watched the scene from the safety of the rooftop, his heart racing with excitement, his breath quickening as he grinned like a lunatic. Not even his subsequent coughing fit could ruin the absolute thrill that zipped through his blood at the sight of such a gorgeous, efficient predator crunching on bones like they were nothing, his white fur now stained a lovely shade of red. It took a moment for him to come back from that high and realize that his lightheadedness and shortness of breath had gone from pure elation to an issue, so he had to swiftly fish his inhaler out of his pocket and pull from it, hoping it was enough to open his airways so he would avoid the hospital. He was not keen on having to explain to a doctor what exactly had gotten him so hyper.

Thankfully for the pale mafioso, his inhaler worked. So, after a moment to catch his breath and regain his composure, he brought Rashoumon to life and used it to lower himself down to the pavement again, a safe distance from Atsushi, who was contently tearing the mafia's rivals apart and devouring their flesh. With one final calming breath, he slowly walked over to the beast, not getting a glance as he approached until he was beside the car-sized feline while he chomped at a bone until it splintered.

Once he was sure Atsushi wasn't interested in him, Akutagawa crouched down and gently, tentatively put a hand against his side, feeling the soft, silky, striped fur and perfectly honed muscles just beneath his pale fingertips.          "I can see why Dazai chose you...over me..." he muttered quietly, his eyes glued to the tiger's mouth, admiring his fangs as they worked at the bones and meat of the casino owner, "You are far beyond my power level. So much more controlled, so much stronger, so much more capable than I'll ever be." It hurt to voice these shameful realizations, but for some reason, Aku felt like he wouldn't be judged by the beast, even if it did understand his words, it wouldn't shame him for his admitting to his faults.

So, he just sat beside the tiger, running his hand over the beast's side, shoulder, even along its back, from snout to as far as he could reach behind him. Just taking everything about him in. The car-sized feline didn't seem to care at all, unbothered by the admiring pets, or when Aku grabbed his back paw to flex his toes and unsheath his talons. Some part of the mafioso still reminded him, He could still eat you next, but it did nothing to dissuade the child-like curiosity that fuelled his exploration of every deadly part of the animal, from tracing his muscles, to bringing out his bloodied talons, all while Atsushi ate his fill of his prey until nothing remained save for their shredded clothing.

The pale man simply gathered those up and ran a hand through his chopped up hair,             "I guess I should take you back to your apartment now before dawn comes." he mused, judging that they had about an hour or two before the sun rose and Atsushi likely changed back to his more pathetic, weak form. Aku looked at the weretiger, watching as the beast licked his chops and shook himself off, then turned with a sigh to head to the address Dazai had given him. Atsushi followed without complaint, padding alongside the goth, much more content, it seemed.

Once Atsushi was safely back in his own home, and the clothing was burnt and disposed of, Aku went home to his personal apartment, flopping onto the bed with a half groan, half sigh. Now that he wasn't running on thrills and curiosity, he was exhausted. His only thought before passing out was Never telling anyone of this.

[pradadoie]

A full translation of the third victim’s post - Part 1

T/N; Hey guys. Due to Tumblr’s post limit, I will post the convo translations on the second part of the post. Keep in mind that the situation is still going on and we should stay neutral. This is also not a XX hate post, I am merely translating this as this is a matter heavy post. Do not send threats or hate messages to any party involved and read this post with a clear and neutral mind. If anybody (Especially those fluent in mandarin) wants to make corrections on my post, please do so - this is my first time translating something like this. Thank you. 

At first, I didn’t want to speak up about this issue. This is because everybody including myself thought that we’ve broken up on good terms. To be honest, this incident did not cause me harm in terms of mental wellness or any other form, which was why I initially decided to forget about it and move on with my life. 

However, after reading yesterday’s posts (containing the allegations + timeline), what I noticed was my experiences overlap with the other victims, and many girls have come out to relay their experiences with him. I also found out that he would talk behind a girl’s back in order to scam a different girl and started up rumors about her - this made me feel betrayed. I felt that this situation isn’t as simple as it seems, and I don’t know whether there will be more victims coming out. I just hope that people would get a wake up call after reading my post/experience, and see him for the person he truly is - I also hope that there will be no more victims.

Pic 1 - Contact with HXX: At first, I was just a fan of his and I really liked him - which was why I attended some of his events/schedules. Until one day, I received an airdrop with the name “luca’s iphone” attached, I used an ID with my name on it to send him a sticker/meme for fun. From then on, we started contacting each other and added each other on Wechat. At first, I felt like a main character/lucky female lead in a romance drama - turns out, I wasn’t the only main character/female lead in his life. 

Pic 2 - Spending the night with HXX: After learning that the location (where he had his schedule) was close to my place, he immediately suggested he come over and visit my house, as he wanted to go somewhere with nobody around. 

He was somebody of the opposite sex as well as somebody I really liked, therefore I started to overthink. I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he replied that he didn’t have one. If I knew he had a girlfriend during that time, I would have never invited him over to my house and cut all contact.  

On that day, I thought that there would be a romance blossoming between us. After his schedule, he went back to his hotel before coming over to my place. I even asked him: “Does your manager know about this? (For a more direct translation, she asked “Does your manager not care?”)” He mentioned that his manager was asleep in the other room and was not aware that he (HXX) went out to visit her. 

The first thing he did after stepping into my house was smoke, he even invited me to smoke with him. After that, both of us started drinking and chatting. He mentioned that his best friend (who has not debuted yet) during his trainee days was useless and good for nothing, ranting about how his teammates never put in any effort during practice and never listened, ranted about how a teammate of his stole his fashion related opportunities, and also ranted about how some members are untalented and only debuted due to their visuals. He also mentioned how he disliked Keep Running as he didn’t like how tiring it is and how his seniors give him a lot of pressure. He disliked how his fans gathered at the airport to take his photos etc. He also opened up about how his family wasn’t doing well financially, how his dad’s investments failed, expressed his wish to save money to buy a house and a car and whatnot, and then started ranting about how society is unfair. During that time, I thought he was just a genuine, hardworking boy. However, after seeing many victims expose him of his ways, he was just using this to gain sympathy from me and take advantage of me (translation here may be inaccurate, please correct me if I’m wrong.) 

Back then, although I was surprised, I thought that his image was far from his true self. He was always preaching about how much hard work he puts in and mentioned that Iwas the only person who understood how he felt. He gave me the impression that he was realistic and bright, and made me misunderstood that he was someone I could have a heart to heart talk with. After spending the night at my house, he left the next day for his upcoming schedules. 

Pic 3 - Demanding for presents

Before arriving at my house, he made excuses about how he didn’t bring enough clothes and asked if I could buy some clothes for him before he came over. He even pointed out the brands he preferred (He wanted Saint L*urent, B*lenciaga, and said he didn’t want B*rberry because he disliked the brand - ironic because he is a brand ambassador for that brand) 

Pic 4 - Follow up

Before his schedules, I would ask if he wanted me to go/follow him. He always responded saying it was a waste of time and said I should be prioritizing my studies (and many other excuses). At first, I thought he was being sincere and genuinely thought that he was concerned about my wellbeing. Turns out, he didn’t want me there because he was meeting other people. I was the fool in the end. (Direct translation: Turns out, I was the clown)

When I followed him to his schedules, he would repeatedly ask if I had a house, whether I was living alone, etc. After I told him I had a roommate, he disappeared and did not reply to my texts over the next few days. 

I couldn’t bear with the mixed signals and the confusing feelings. During December, I decided to confront him about his ways. However, he ignored my attempts to talk, using his schedules as an excuse to avoid talking to me. After somebody exposed his teammate (?), he kept on telling me that “we’re just friends” and warned me to not expose him. After that conversation, I saw his true colors and cut off all contact with him. I would also like to say that I am grateful for my upbringing and my assertiveness - if the victim was someone who was emotionally fragile or lacked a good support system (or love), would she develop psychological/mental problems (T/n: read between the lines - she’s hinting that somebody could have gotten insecurities/change in mindset that will lead them to do/develop something worse because of his actions) because of scum like him?

During our period of contact, I have repeatedly asked him if he had a girlfriend or whether he was in contact with other girls. All the replies he gave me were “No.” (Refer to Pic 5) He also mentioned that he never drank with other girls as well. I really believed his lies back then, thinking he was just somebody yearning for love. Today, I discovered that he used his idol persona and fans’ love to fulfill his own needs and scam/cheat others, flirting with other women despite having a girlfriend himself, went to different cities to meet different girls and treat them like a personal harem. He also talked behind every girls’ back, constantly speaking ill of them. His behavior made us (OP and the other victims) feel worthless. I acknowledge that issues like this will be forgotten easily as time goes by, and that people would nitpick on this issue and blame this incident on my behavior, for the way I threw myself into a fire of destruction. 

In the end, I hope that people like me - who blindly followed and believed him - will open their eyes and see his true side - I hope that you will know better and don’t get hurt the way I did and bear the pressure I faced. Lastly, I hope that all boys and girls alike will no longer suffer from people like him.

[script-nef]

Fluff alphabets | Hinata Shouyou

Others: Kageyama, Oikawa,  Tsukishima

Category: fluff

Affection: How affectionate is he? How does he show affection?

Hinata constantly wants to be holding you in any way available to him. He shows his love for you through countless kisses, hugs, texts, phone calls—just about anything.

He’s not afraid to proclaim his affection for you on live TV or in interviews but that subsequently means a lot of articles are written about you. Every single one of them is about how much of a doting and loving boyfriend is.

Baby: Does he want to start a family?

Yes.

Children between you and him? Of course he wants them! He’ll wish for them to be carbon copies of you because you’re the best person he knows and by his logic, that means his children will also be the best!

Thanks to his experience with Natsu, he’s skilled in taking care of babies and showers them in endless love. Would spend all of his spare time with you and the kids and every other parent will be envious of you.

Cuddles: Does he like cuddling? How often does he like hugging?

Hinata leaps at any chance to be around you.

He’ll use the most trivial excuse or reason to hug you: you look down, I’m hungry, your hair was flying around and you looked pretty, I wanted to check if your shampoo changed and whatnot.

You pointed out that since you’re going out with him, he doesn’t really need an excuse you cuddle with you. That made a lightbulb spark and now he just attacks you with surprise hugs whenever he wants.

Date: What is a typical date?

Exploring hidden corners of the city. This boy cannot sit still and requires physical activities or he’s going to go insane with the amount of energy that stockpiles.

He would scour them online or get some recommendations from friends when visiting their cities, or even his fans in the form of comments. It would mainly be cafés/restaurants or trinket shops so he can buy you loads of presents.

Experience: How much has he dated before? How does that reflect in this one?

He was an adult when he met you and he went out once or twice before, but it didn’t go for very long. This relationship with you is the longest yet!

He learnt bits and pieces from his previous relationships like how to treat your significant other and what not to do when dating, but it’s mostly useless since he’s somehow very intuitive in this area.

Fight: Do you fight often with him? How does it usually end?

Fights are incredibly rare, nearly none each year. The fact that you’re both so understanding and kind plays a factor. 

He also hates fighting with you because he believes every moment with the person he loves needs to be happy, even though that’s unrealistic.

He’s incredibly stubborn and will argue with you if he thinks he’s right. The fight can drag out for days but you eventually reconcile through talking and spend the rest of the day cuddling.

Gentle: How does he treat you?

Hinata isn’t gentle, despite popular beliefs. He’s driven by his emotions way too much and won’t realise when he’s putting physical pressure on you. Of course, he’ll back off once you say it.

Once he realises you’ve been saying that a lot, he’ll try to restrain himself but it doesn’t work. The second he sees you it’s just “!!!! [Name]!!!” and all control is chucked out the window.

Hand: Does he like holding your hand? How often?

When walking down the street or relaxing in the house, his hand is always glued onto yours. He uses it to tug and maneuver you around crowds and streets to arrive at your destination quickly.

Sometimes he draws little characters or writes with his thumb on your hand and asks what he wrote. It’s always things like simplified versions of your favourite anime characters or “I love you”

Impression: What was your first impression of him?

“Who is this absolute sunshine and how can I love him?”

Hinata tried to help you find your way after you were lost but he’s directionally challenged as well so… In conclusion, you spent around an hour walking aimlessly around the town. In that time, you somehow fell for him and asked for his phone number first. 

Even though it was obvious that he was as lost as you, he did his best to calm you down and led the way with unearned confidence which stole your heart.

Jealousy: Does he get jealous easily? What sets him off?

This boy cannot feel jealousy. At least in the romance area.

His heart is too wide and pure for any ugly emotions to rear their head in. If someone is constantly around you he’ll think “[Name] is so popular! I’m so happy everyone knows how cool they are!” and that’s it.

He’ll get kind of pouty if you say Kageyama is cool in front of him though. Hinata knows Kags is incomparable in volleyball skills so it’ll set his competitive fire even stronger.

Kiss: Is he good at kissing? When does he kiss you?

He likes innocent pecks all over your face whenever the mood strikes him. He doesn’t kiss deeper than that voluntarily. Sure, he’ll do it once you say it but not by himself.

He presses longer ones to your lips when he’s absolutely elated and cannot express his emotions in any other way. 

Love: Who said “I love you” first? And when does he say it?

Hinata said it first with such ease and energy. Like it was something obvious and common.

It was as he was leaving for his morning jog and you called after him to take a jacket. He kissed you on your forehead and yelled “I love you!” as he was slipping out of the door. It left you dumbstruck and frozen from your spot until you melted with a blush.

It was, of course, returned when he came back with tons of kisses and hugs.

Memory: What’s his favourite memory with you?

The moment he saw you after winning his first match with you watching from the crowd. His head snapped to you as soon as the last point for the match was won and you had the most dazzling smile on. 

It just filled him with such joy and happiness to see that you took the time out of your busy schedule to watch him. His heart basically just exploded when you hugged him afterwards and gushed about how amazing he was flying around.

You came to plenty of his matches after that, but nothing ever beat that rush of exhilaration he felt from the first time.

Nickname: Does he give you a nickname? Do you have one for him?

You have plenty for him: sunshine, love, tangerine, cutie, Shou, my light and more cheesy ones in private. He once asked you why you don’t call him those ones in public in front of all his friends and teammates while listing them off which basically killed you.

Once he realised that it was slightly embarrassing, he exclaimed that he loves hearing the nicknames in your voice and you should never be embarrassed. But he still understands if you don’t want to call him that.

His nicknames include shortening your name or adding “-chan” to the end of it.

Open: How open is he about his feelings?

So open. Hinata will shout how much he loves you from rooftops and mountain peaks if he feels like it. He never lets you doubt his love for you and constantly reassures you

The first time he mentioned you by “I’ll be back in time for dinner, [Name]-chan!” before running to the changing room made everyone double-take. After that, even when he received a scolding, he always says “I was able to perform better because [Name]-chan was cheering for me!” or something like that

PDA: Is he fine with PDA? How far can he go?

King of PDA right here, does not give a damn where you are. If you’re next to him and he wants to hug or kiss you? Then you’re going to receive them affections, there is no escape.

A private room of a restaurant, in the middle of a busy shopping centre, in a couple’s seat in the cinemas, nothing matters to him other than you.

Quirk: Habits or something he does which is unexpected?

Likes hiking in the afternoon. He started it first because the rough terrain would be a good workout for his leg muscles and help him in volleyball, but eventually does it whenever he’s feeling restless or bored. He’s super thankful that Japan is like, 70% mountains and tries to visit a new one every week.

Begs you to tag along because the scenery is wonderful and he wants to share it with you. Hinata wasn’t lying when he said the sunset was beautiful, the view is stunning.

Sometimes brings a picnic basket whenever you’re feeling a little down and feeds you a mountain worth of food while watching the sky change into red and orange.

Relax: What activities do you do with him to relax?

Playing video games together, often competing against each other.

Hinata received a variety of popular video games from Kenma a while back and is determined to clear all of them. He spends hours and hours of free time with you, glued on the sofa with you on his lap. It doesn’t really last though, since you wiggle and squirm so much during Mario Kart.

It usually starts in the afternoon until dinner, just hours and light competitiveness and fun. The loser usually has to clean up after the meal is finished.

Support: How supportive is he of your dreams? What do you do for him?

He’s like a serotonin boost that even being around him makes you feel more energised and motivated. Whenever you feel wiped out or exhausted, he’s right there to say positive things and encourage you to finish the assignment which is causing a massive migraine.

When you’re done, he’ll have some chocolate and warm tea to help you relax.

You pack him cute lunch boxes if you have time in the morning and put sticky notes of loving messages in it. His teammates get jealous when they see him giggling and texting you a response. 

But the best way to support him is to attend his matches and cheer for him.

Talk: What does he like talking about?

He loves talking to you about the experiences he had overseas. How different and free Brazil is, how lively and funny everyone is. Or the new players he met and trained with when he has practice matches against them.

He loves it when you talk about your childhood and all the things you went through before meeting him. There’s always something new to find out about you and he won’t stop until he knows every single detail about your life.

Umbrella: What’s his favourite weather/season?

Hinata’s favourite weather reflects his personality: a warm summer’s day. Not one of those unbearably hot and humid ones but one where the cool wind blows and the sun is pleasantly warm on your skin. 

He uses these days to go on a walk around the neighbourhood with you, mostly ending with a stroll around the park. Of course, he slathers on sunscreen on the both of you because safety first and he really needs to get rid of the remaining suncream from Brazil.

Vaunt: Does he like showing you off?

Hell yes, this boy flaunts you to everyone who’s willing to listen. Why wouldn’t he? You’re literally the best person he knows!

Not obnoxiously like “[Name]-chan is better than anyone else!” but more of a fanboy style. For instance: “I went to one of their presentations secretly and they were so eloquent and perfect, I can’t believe they’re dating me” like he isn’t one of the most sought after athletes in the entire country.

It’s to the point where his fans can recite facts about you and it leaves you confused.

“Shouyou, why does the public know all these things about me?” “Ummm…”

World: Where does he take you for vacation?

Definitely Brazil, specifically the same city he spent two years in. When he arrives, he’ll try to introduce you to all of his friends and acquaintances with the biggest smile.

He acts as a tour guide and shows you all the hidden favourite spots he found in his time there. Also teaches you some Portuguese and learns Spanish with you.

Of course, playing beach volleyball takes up a large amount of time over there. You joined in a couple of times even though your skills were considerably lacking than the other side.

It was mainly just for fun and experience (and ogling at Hinata ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

X-ray: What happens when you’re injured or sick?

This is painful—because of his memory of The Fever, he always tries to keep his body in tip-top shape. So your concerns of him overworking himself or falling ill get reduced to a minimum.

If you’re the one that’s sick, then he’s by your bed 24/7, ready to do anything you want or need. He calls up Iwaizumi and his teammates for advice and writes everything down, following it to a T.

Yearn: How much does he miss/pine for you when apart?

So damn much. This boy misses you the moment he steps into the plane and texts you until the flight attendant tells him to put the device away. It’s mostly heart emojis and selfies so he can look at them while flying.

It becomes a ritual that no matter what, no matter the difference in time, you have to call each other at least 3 times a day. It doesn’t have to be meal times but it has to be at least 3 times.

If not, he’ll be sad for the rest of the day and sulk the entire time he’s off the court. Eventually, his teammates all call you to please help this moody wing spiker.

ZZZ: Does he have sleeping habits?

Fidgets and moves around a lot in his sleep. Always wakes up in a different position and he’s so confused and disorientated. 

This kind of makes it hard for you since you sleep together so the solution was: buy a king-sized bed. It was like a whole new experience.

It works well until he once pushed you off. Your yelp woke him up and he apologised so much and nearly cried even though you were laughing and said it was okay.

[idwithoutthesuperego]

6 + 1

SUMMARY: This were the 6 times you really wished you had kissed Harry’s lips. And time the one time he kissed you. A Harry Styles x male reader fic because there aren’t enough of these around.

 Tags: Harry Syles x male reader; angst; fluff

 I said i’d fucking do it. Might make a malls series out of it, not sure yet.

~~~~~~~~

The first Time you really wished you could kiss The Harry Styles was, well, after he became your crush. Teen years and all, who could resist the pop sensation of 1D? Not you, that’s for sure. All it took was watching a goddamn talent show on TV to develop a crush on a curly haired boy with a dimpled smile who you would never know.

But you could dream, literally. After your diehard crush left the show and became part of band, you dreamt of it. And you had an embarrassing dream where you kissed the boy. You blame the YouTube videos really.

Nonetheless, it was an impossible crush, idealized at best. That’s what you told yourself.

~~~~~~~~

A year later, you were dragged to yet another social event that you really wasn’t a fan of. It was on a very fancy estate that belonged to a media CEO your father was friends with. The kind of event where you had to go to have lunch, listen to some live musicians, pretend to like everybody, kiss some ass, be up to date on everything from politics to the personal lives of the present. It was just a tiring afternoon altogether.

What you didn’t predict on your tiring plans was that your father’s friend, was also a friend of the agent of a particular band that the crush you still hadn’t gotten over was on. Luckily, you dressed to impress on these occasions. Maybe fate was on your side and you had a shot?

Arriving at the lunch party, you and your parents were immediately lead to the host, and you lost a good hour saying your greeting to many of the present. Since most of the people were a little older than you’d like, the conversations tended to drag on. Only when you heard one the guests comment on one of the performing band’s name your head did a whiplash.

After a while you found them, they were there with their agent who was introducing them to many influential people. Even if the boys weren’t very comfortable. And Harry was there too of course. You wanted to go and introduce yourself, but that would be way too awkward. So you decided to just keep some distance and wait for the universe to save you from yourself.

And yet again it happened.

You were on phone, pinning over the boy a few feet away to your friend, when you heard the voice you only knew from music and TV beside you. Lifting your head, you saw that Harry looked like a deer in headlights when a man you recognized was inquiring him about many subjects you were pretty sure were internal secrets from SyCo. You doubted he knew any, and couldn’t believe someone would do it so blatantly in public.

So you stepped in, right between Harry and the old man.

“Hey, Mister Stone, long time since we last saw! I’m so sorry to interrupt, but I have to steal Harry here, we have some urgent business we need to discuss right away.” You said, giving Harry a wink and a chance to leave.

“Yeah, that’s right! I had forgotten it, we need to leave right now.” Harry said with that deep voice of his.

“Oh, hello (Y/n), but of course, if he had already made plans with you, I’ll take my leave.” The man left without question.

You guided Harry to a more secluded place you knew, where there was a bench near a small lake, having been there way too many weekends for this kind of parties.

“Thanks for that.” He started. “I really didn’t know how to run away from him.”

“No problem, these people are crazy sometimes. Just don’t let them smell the fear in you and all should be fine.” You responded with a smile.

He returned it, and damn seeing it up close his smile was even better. “You could have come sooner you know?”

“Complaining to the people who save you mister Styles? Not very British or polite of you to treat your hero this way is it?” you teased with a smirk.

“No, that’s not it!” He quickly responded, waving his hands. “I saw you earlier, when I was with the boys, it’s just that… you could have said hi before.”

“Oh… you saw that… Well, that’s embarrassing.” You averted your gaze, making him chuckle.

“And are you gonna properly introduce yourself? You know my name, so I should know yours.” He offered giving you a sympathetic look, which only made you blush a little.

“(Y/n) (L/n), nice to formerly meet you.” You said, extending your hand.

“Harry Styles, but you already knew that.” He said with a smile.

When you shook his hand, you swore he held it for way too long, and when you were going to let go of it, he kept holding your hand. Boy, you were definitely blushing and in heaven. But these things never last, and his vibrating phone ruined it.

“Sorry, I have to go; we are going to play in a few. Are you going to watch?”

“Sure, I might know a few songs.” You probably knew them all.

“Here.” Harry handed you his phone. “Give me your number so we can meet later. Never know when I might need rescuing.” He gave you a wink.

And that was the second time you really wished you could kiss Harry Styles.

You watched the show. But you never got to meet him after it, their agent ushering the boys out because of some appointment they had later on.

~~~~~~~~

That night you a text message that read:

Hey, it’s harry, bummer we couldn’t talk after the show… but we can text Going to put your name as (y/n) my hero x

- H

That was the third time you really wished you could kiss Harry Styles.

~~~~~~~~

Over the next two years, you and Harry had only grown closer, but unfortunately, not physically, as you wished. You still had a massive crush on him. And you both talked nearly every day. But through texts, voice messages and video chats. One Direction was always on never-ending world tours and interviews and whatnots.

And you, well, you had been forced to join the family business, had your university classes, and a very demanding schedule that you didn’t really like. The both of you had met here and there, but only for a day or two every year, when both of your schedules permitted.

It would soon be your 20th birthday and you what you really wanted was to have a day off, go to a gay club, and maybe have the guy you liked with you. But you knew that was impossible. Just imagining the headlines on the papers could already give you headaches. If your father even let the papers run to tell the truth, he would probably wrap it up and just kick you to the street, saying you died in some accident. Or worse, they only were the accepting kind in public.

Harry knew, not that you had feelings for him, but that you weren’t straight, he had already admit not being exactly straight himself, but the impact of admitting it to the public, well, management had already said it was a big no.

When the date came, you sneaked off from the big party that your parent threw you to answer a call from Harry. He was all sweaty and tired, probably had just ended a show and really needed some rest if your math was right, but he called to wish you happy birthday, to tell you everything would be alright and it would get better.

That was the fourth time you really wish you could kiss Harry Styles.

~~~~~~~~

Later that year, One Direction announced a hiatus. And you thought that maybe it was finally it, your chance. You could tell harry how you felt now that he was going to build his own career. You were even prepared to face the consequences with your family.

He told you himself how he would be able to be his own person, do stuff he liked, make his own choices, how happy he was. And you were so happy for him. But along with the news, came the news that he was starting to see a girl, a model or whatever.

That night you cried yourself to sleep. And hated yourself for spending three years liking a guy that you talked to everyday, who became such a big part of your life, one your best friends, and not admitting it. And you hated harry, because you pretty sure he knew how you felt, even if you hadn’t admitted it. But all that you really wanted before you finally got to sleep in the midst of your tears, was him to make it better.

And that was the fifth time you really wish you could kiss Harry Styles.

~~~~~~~~

After that you both slowly fell out of contact. You started making excuses about classes that you weren’t really taking, exams that you had already taken, you even began working more on the family’s company, making a name for yourself and earning quite some money.

Harry went on to become a solo artist, released his first album. Went from your crush, to your best friend, to the guy you probably even loved, to a friend, to a guy you used to talk.

When his second album was released, he only sent you a ticket and backstage pass with the message:

I hope you haven’t changed your number and this is still (y/n) my hero

Can we talk?

- H

You never replied to it, but took a plane and went to the show anyway.

During the show you became certain, time had not fully mended your broken heart. You still felt an ache looking at him, listening to his voice, seeing his smile. But neither of you had said a word to each other in three years, since you congratulated him on his first album, so you owed it to Harry to at least listen to what he had to say. It was not as if he knew why you had stopped talking to him.

After the show you went to meet him backstage, a member of the staff leading you to Harry’s room. Absorbed in your own thoughts, you didn’t even knock, just let yourself in, only realizing what you did after you slammed the door shut.

He was the first to speak, startled by your bursting in. “Hey (y/n)… You are here.” He got up from his chair, taking a step into your direction.

“Hi Harry.” You gave him a half smile.

“You look nice… I didn’t know if you were really coming. You never answered my text.”

“Yeah, about that, must have forgotten it… But you look nice too. The new hair looks good.” You gave a genuine smile, your hand rising to feel it, but you stopped yourself.

“That’s a lie.” He said calmly.

“What do you mean?”

“The text, you didn’t forget it (y/n). I still know you, I know when you are lying to me, I always knew.” He said looking deep into your eyes, voice firm.

“Is that what you wanted to talk about Harry? You called me here to call me a liar?” You defended.

“No. I asked you here because I missed you, and there is something I needed to know!” He sighed, tiredness showing in his voice. “I have been wanting to ask you something for the longest time, it just keeps me awake at night, so I need to know.”

“You could have called.” You spat, crossing your arms. You weren’t really sure if you had said that to him or to yourself.

“Would you have answered?”

“I… don’t know…” And that was the truth. “I missed you too you know? Like, every day…” you laughed bitterly. “You were my best friend, and not talking to you was so fucking hard... What do you want know Harry? Ask away, apparently I can’t lie.” You looked at him for answers, what could he want after all this time? It had been over four years since you two fell out, you were pretty sure there was nothing more left of your friendship to savage. You wish there wasn’t, at least it wouldn’t hurt looking at him.

“(Y/n), look me in the eyes and tell me truth, did you like me? Did you ever like me? Not like as your best friend, but really like me?”

And “well fuck” was all that you could answer. It was such a clear and quick response to an unexpected question, that no further answer was needed. And that made Harry smile till his dimples showed.

“Since when? Why didn’t you tell me?” He took another step closer to you.

“Really Harry? For someone who can tell when I’m lying you are pretty daft. Since when? Since fucking always.” You started pacing the room. “Since we first met. I had a crush on you before, but when we became friends and I got to know you, I started to have real feelings for you.” You were angry and it all just started spilling out. “And it only got worse, but you couldn’t date a guy because of one direction’s management. And when you became solo I was gonna tell you, I was gonna fucking confess my heart out! But you said you were dating a girl you never mentioned before.” Tears started to appear at the corner of your eyes. “So that’s why!”

“Oh…” He stared dumb folded at you.

“Oh?! Is that all you have to say Harry? I expected at least a verbal rejection.” You half yelled, balling your hands into fists.

Harry got in front you, grabbing your hands and stopping your pacing. “Do you still like me?”

“I just really want to punch you right now. If that’s why you are asking and holding my hands?”

“No you don’t. I know you’d never punch me.” He said with that smirk that you hated yourself for finding so cute right now. “I’m asking because I also liked you. I still do, never really stopped you know?” He said intertwining your fingers. “Since you saved me from that creepy old man. Why do you think I saved you name as ‘my hero’ on phone? I had the biggest crush ever on you. But I didn’t know if you liked me. Even after you said you were gay, I kept thinking that I had no chance, because we could never see each other. So I just… I settled with having casual relationships…” He shrugged.

Your tears were now flowing, so Harry caught them with his thumb before continuing. “When we stopped talking, I assumed you had found someone. But I couldn’t get over you… That’s why I called you here.” You could see tears starting to appear on his eyes as well.

“I couldn’t get over you and that stupid smile of yours either, you know? Or over those eyes” You said laugh bubbling from your chest.

“I’m so fucking happy to hear that.”

And looking at him smile at you after all that was said right there between the two of you, that was the sixth time you really wish you could kiss Harry Styles.

But this time, when Harry saw you looking at his lips, his hands left yours and cradled your face, his eyes slowly closed and you could feel his breath nearing yours. This time, it was Harry who kissed you.

The meeting of your lips was everything you wished for and so much more. It was both soft and delicate like you always wished, but also a little rough with desire. You could literally feel the knots in your stomach, your hands going to Harry’s waist. Both of your lips soon opened way for your tongues, looking to explore each other’s mouths, it was a fight for dominance, a longing to recover the lost time. Both your and his hands began mapping your bodies while you breathed the same air. It was like dancing to a silent song you always knew but never heard. It was perfect.

When you parted, both breathless and cheeks tinted pink, looking into Harry’s green eyes and stupid dimple smile, you knew. He felt the same as you. And for now, that was all that mattered.

 -------------------------------------------------

Comments, likes and shares are deeply appreciated!

[thefanficmonster]

And My Heart Burned In That Lodge

Michael (Mike) Munroe x Reader (female)

Warnings: Death, Grief, Dealing with loss, Heartbreak, Swearing

Genre: ANGST

Summary: None of them will ever be the same, who knows if they’ll even heal. However, the case is different for Mike. He’s left to be dealing with the guilt, grief and the haunting memory of his friend’s death. He’s angry with himself for all the wrong things he did and all the right things he was too much of a coward to do. Now, his only closure is talking to a gravestone, hoping the wind in the graveyard will pass the message onto the person who the words are meant for.  

Requested by Anon. Wish I could tag them, they have such amazing ideas ❤

PS - Sorry this is hella long, I got carried away LOL

I stand aside, watching as my friends place their flowers on her grave. I can hear their cries. For some odd reason I can’t find it in me to feel sympathy or the need to go over there and be with them. I can’t see how that would do anything but make me feel more miserable. Standing here, seeing this scene unfold in front of me, I can’t help but be reminded of how it all started.

Fuck Mondays, man. Fuck them from the bottom of my heart. Even worse, this is the first week of school after winter break so no one wants to be here. Even even worse, this is the first time I’ll be seeing Emily after out breakup. We broke up over text and while I’m aware that’s the worst way to break up with someone, I must admit it was the only way for a lot of arguing and awkwardness to be avoided. 

It’s the first time I’m coming to school alone in a while. Without Emily, the car was pleasantly quiet aside from the songs on the radio. Not gonna lie, it felt a bit lonely. Being single for the first time in what feels like forever is both liberating and oddly melancholic. I try to push the self-loathing and the depressing thoughts away as my eyes scan the hallway, looking for the group of familiar faces. My gang. We used to be ten people but we lost two girls during our winter getaway at the Washington lodge. Josh’s sisters, Hannah and Beth, went missing and are presumably dead, all cause of a stupid prank Jess, Emily and I concocted, convincing Matt and Ash to go along with it. In retrospect, I don’t know what we were thinking.

‘Seriously, Mike? From one depressing thought to another? Is your brain lacking serotonin today more than usual or what?‘ I mentally scold myself just as I spot two familiar faces - Sam and Ashley. 

It doesn’t take long for me to notice the rest of the gang - Matt, Jess and Chris - all standing near by, surrounding a girl I have never seen before. She sticks out immediately with her long H/C hair and shiny E/C eyes. Jess has her arm linked with the girl, a gesture really out of place for Jess. I mean, her and Emily are pretty close and I’ve never even seen them hug.

“Hey, man. How are you?“ Matt notices me first, lifting his head and smiling at me. His greeting leads the others to look in my direction as well, including the girl. I catch Jess lean down in and whisper something to her. I can’t hear what she’s saying but it clearly aggravates her. I have never received a dirtier look from a girl in my entire life. I usually have the opposite effect on women but I guess there’s a first time for everything. 

“Mike...” Jess steps away from the girl and towards me, “this is my best friend, Y/N. She just got transferred here.” She turns her attention back to the girl, “Y/N, this is Mike.” 

Y/N looks unamused as she outstretches her arm in my direction. “Nice to meet you” is what she says, but her expression clearly tells me she would like to see as little of me as possible. At least she’s polite, right? 

“Likewise.” The handshake is brief and, despite her obvious distaste for me, she still gives me a firm handshake. 

“Wait, you were transferred? I thought Jess said you came here cause you moved.” Sam furrows her brows in confusion. 

“Well, it’s really a chicken and the egg type of situation.” Y/N laughs, rubbing the back of her neck almost nervously, “We moved because I had to transfer.”  Yikes.“ Ashley comments, “Not to pry or anything, but why did you have to be transferred?“

Y/N looks me dead in the eyes, as if she’s sending me a message that I better not overlook, or so help me God I’ll be dead. ”Noses randomly broke when I was around.”

It hurts so much to look back on those times and not pick up on what I was feeling. I foolishly decided that if I can’t give the feelings a name or find them a purpose I should turn a blind eye. I wasn’t that ignorant, I could tell she was the cause, but I could never admit it.

And then there’s the situation with Jess...

“You hurt her, and I’ll kill you.“

I found Y/N by the bleachers and let me tell you, she’s quite the paradox. She’s a straight A, no nonsense, intelligent beyond her years girl. With all these characteristics, you’d think she’d know better than to smoke cigarettes. Wrong! She’s a smoker. Jess can never not complain about the smell of cigarette smoke, it’s a miracle these two get along.

To my ‘hi’ she responded with what looked to be an eyeroll and an annoyed release of smoke through her nostrils. Even though I know I’m not welcome to be in her proximity, I still decide to sit down a little ways away from her, for personal space and all that. Definitely not cause I’m slightly afraid of her. No way.

We just sit in silence until she hits me with the aforementioned threat. I am caught off guard. All I can do is stare straight ahead of me like a deer in headlights. After maybe thirty seconds of absolute confusion I manage to turn my head to look at her. “What are you talking about?” The question is supposed to sound harsh but compared to the way she spit out that death threat it sounded more like a whimper.

“You are such an ignorant asshole.“ She shakes her head, throwing her cigarette on the bench below her. She stomps on it and walks away. I can’t help but stare at her until she’s out of sight. I feel like I’m watching something non-human. A phenomenon you can experience once in a lifetime - if you’re lucky. 

She’s the complete opposite of Jess: grounded, smart, rational. The only time I’ve seen her be so unpleasant is around me. I catch her interactions with the rest of the gang. From afar, she seems like the nicest, friendliest girl. And then she catches a glimpse of me and her mood changes. I don’t know what’s her problem with me but I know it most certainly isn’t something I’ve done to her. She’s been like that since the first moment we were introduced, so either Jess has talked a lot of shit about me or she just hates people named Michael. I may never know.

I had no idea what she meant at the time and only found out three weeks ago. Speaking of three weeks ago, the group once again headed for the Blackwood Pines, trying to hide their uneasiness with make excitement. I was pretty hyped when I heard we were going because that also meant our friend Josh was finally starting to get better. He hadn’t been in a good mindset since his sisters went missing and we were all really worried for him but weren’t allowed to show it because he always insisted he was fine.

He wasn’t. He was as messed up as ever and served as only the prologue to the nightmare of a night we had to live through.

But before all that could happen, the night started off well. Better than expected. The eeriness of the mountain combined with the bad memories we had of the place we still there, we could all feel the tension, but we did a good job masking it with jokes and whatnot. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t really looking forward to go and not only because of what happened the year prior.

“Wait, wait, wait. Y/N’s coming too?“ I ask, looking at Josh with wide eyes.

The guy is clearly confused by my overdramatic reaction to him counting down the names of the ones who had already RSVPd ‘Yes’. “Is that a problem or something?”

I sigh, hiding my face in my hands. It’s embarrassing to admit, really. “She doesn’t like me, and that puts it mildly. She hates me.”

He looks even more baffled than before, “Why? What’d you do to her?”

“Nothing, for fuck’s sake. Not a single thing. I haven’t even had a proper interaction with her.“ Talking about this matter exhausts me, mostly cause I can’t even express half the things I’m feeling.

There’s been a time or two I’ve caught her looking at me but her eyes weren’t filled with that distrust I’m used to. She looks away quickly when we make eye contact, as if she can’t put the mean mask on in time and she has to look away to do a system reset. I sometimes catch myself looking at her without realizing. I try to tell myself I do it for the purpose of solving her. 

‘Who are you kidding, Munroe?‘

                                                                  * * *

And here I am, climbing up the mountain to the Washington lodge. I’ve made it a goal to use this getaway to mend things with Y/N. It’s the only way for me to get back to normal. To get my mind back since she’s recently been living in my head rent-free. I’m bullshitting, not just recently. She’s taken over my brain since day one. I can’t place what’s going on with me, I can’t find a term to label it with and I most definitely can’t find a way to stop it. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I can’t stop it on my own, she’ll have to do it for me.

Another thing - I’ve never felt nervous or self-conscious around a girl all my life. Never. My friends joke that I’m a ladies’ man and I’d say that’s pretty true. So I have a tough time understanding how I turn into an awkward turtle that’s missing confidence when she’s around.

Once we all get settled in and there’s a fire going, giving the lodge a cozy atmosphere, it’s every man for themselves. Everyone picks a activity they want to occupy themselves with and the living room of the lodge empties out, leaving me there alone.

I scroll stare at the screen of my now useless phone. The thing has no reception and no way of keeping me busy, leaving my attention to wander to the voices that are getting more and more distant as my friends walk out of the room.

I can’t help but overhear Jess say to Y/N, “You haven’t even set your bag down yet and you’re going for a smoke? Jeez, Y/N.”

“You say as though you don’t know me.“ Y/N laughs, the sound of a door opening following after her voice.

It’s such a nice sound, her laugh. I’ve never heard it before. I’ve seen her smile and seen her chuckle at someone’s joke, but it was never actually a laugh. Seems she keeps those for special occasions. 

If she’s in the type of mood to laugh, she’s in the type of mood to be civil with me. Before I can talk myself out of the on-spot decision, I mentally slap myself and get off the couch, walking to the door to the side deck.

“You’ve got this, she’s just a person” 

“Who’s just a person?“ her voice cuts through the silence of the outdoors.

‘SHIT I SAID THAT OUT LOUD‘

I decide to carry this all the way, no shortcuts. No backing out. Somehow, now that she’s standing in front of me - a cigarette between her fingers, her shoulders tense from of the cold - I find it easier to get the words out. She’s just as human as everyone else. The cold causes her to shrivel up. She’s addicted to tobacco. She’s not some riddle I need to solve, just a person I need to talk to in order to understand.

“You.“ I reply, “Why aren’t you wearing a jacket?“

She shakes her head, her shoulders trembling a bit, “It builds the immune system.”

“No, it makes you suffer.“ I shrug my jacket off, cautiously approaching her and wrapping it around her.

Surprisingly, she accepts it with a nod and a murmured ‘thanks’, holding onto it with the hand that’s not holding her cigarette. “Why were you reminding yourself that I’m just a person? Do I not look like one?” She scoffs, facing away from me to look at the snowy hills ahead.

“No, no, not that. You just make me nervous that’s all.“ 

She whirls around, giving me this look as though she has no idea what I’m talking about.

“Really? Why’s that?“ she puts out her cigarette on the wooden railing, focusing all her attention on me.

My hand instinctively goes up to the back of my neck, feeling my face start to heat up. “Well, you’re not really fond of me. And I don’t know why, and....” I trail off, sighing in self-disappointment, “And I wanna know why.”

Her expression turns the complete opposite, a smile spreading across her face. “It’s not about something you have done. It’s about what you might’ve done.”

Despite feeling slightly relieved, I am no less confused than I was a minute ago. “And what is that?”

“Break my best friend’s heart.“ She looks a lot more serious now, “You really had no idea she was head over heels for you just a month ago. You were so oblivious and she was so whipped...“ frustration radiates off of her, “I just didn’t want her to get hurt.“ She closes her eyes, stabilizing herself before finishing her statement, “I didn’t want to hurt her.“

“Wait, what?“

The hurt that paints itself on her face is contagious. I feel it too and I don’t even know what’s causing it. “She always told me about you. Mike this and Mike that. She made you sound like the best guy in the world. And...I really wanted to be let down when I met you, but you were nothing but nice to me and to the other people in the group. But you were also such a jerk from time to time. You are just too...Fucking forget it.” 

In a blink of an eye she puts my jacket over the railing and runs inside the lodge.

“Y/N, wait!“

Needless to say, running after her was the best decision I’ve made. I didn’t get her to admit to anything, but at least we lied down the armor and agreed to give each other some time to get to know one another. Drop aside the assumptions and give a this acquaintanceship the chance to become a friendship. 

Sadly, all good things come to an end way sooner than we want. The rest of that dreadful night I witnessed her transform. When everyone was freaking out, she held them and comforted them. I saw the fear in her eyes but she never let it shine through in her actions. She was the one still holding it together even after she saw that disgusting creature. Her and I were the ones to turn that sanatorium upside down. We were with Josh in the mines. We were the ones to see the Wendigo first. We were by each other’s side the entire time. We had each other’s backs. 

I’ve never felt such a connection with someone. I was experiencing the most intimate understanding with a person in the worst moment of my life. It was bittersweet. The poison mixed with the cure.

Even when she knew her death was approaching, her only reaction was a single tear. A single crystal drop running down her cheek.

We can make a break. We can run right out of this hell hole and turn it to ash, all we need is for this fucking to focus its attention elsewhere. Thankfully Chris, Ash and Emily have made it out already and they’re safe. However, Sam, Y/N and I are trapped. The silent looks we exchange are laced with fear and panic. We have to calculate our next moves down to a millisecond and we don’t even know what those next moves should be.

Suddenly, a sharp pain starts spreading from my hand shoulder. My adrenaline is no longer doing a good job blocking out the pain of the fingers I had to sever. I slip up, letting out a hiss. The pain is just that unbearable.

That thing turn at the speed of light, letting out a screech and heading in my direction. My whole body is tense I couldn’t move if I wanted to but my arm is in such a horribly painful position, I think I’ll faint if I don’t readjust it.

“HEY!“ The voice comes from opposite me and my heart drops.

Sam’s next to me. It’s not her. It’s Y/N. 

The Wendigo loses interest in me as soon as it hears her yell turning and heading straight for her. It all starts sinking in. Now that it’s facing away, Sam and I can make it out. But she can’t. It’s over for her. There’s no way she’s leaving this lodge.

I catch her eyes from across the room. Her posture says a fighter, but her eyes scream ‘petrified’. She knows it too. She knows it’s game over. A single tear rolls down her cheek, shattering my heart.

That’s the last vulnerable moment, however. She turns her head, deciding to go out without showing a glint of fear to that piece of shit. I don’t have to look at Sam or tell her what to do. We’re both aware that we’re about to make it out, losing Y/N in the process.

It happens in a split second. Y/N spits at the Wendigo and then next thing I see is her laying on the ground in a pool of blood. 

The dash out of the lodge is a blur. The last thing I remember is sitting outside of the burning building, staring at the flames. The lodge wasn’t the only thing burning. Years of memories; history; wendigos; and my heart burnt in that lodge.

I see the group leave the graveyard. I struggle to move forward, my limbs heavy. I feel gravity is a lot stronger all of a sudden. 

I didn’t go to the final goodbye. I knew it wasn’t her. There was nothing left of her to bury. Sam told me they buried things that reminded people of her and objects she cherished. 

Well it’s time I give my goodbye.

I shrug my jacket off - the same jacket from that night - and put it around the gravestone like I put it over her shoulders. There’s a box of the cigarettes she smoked in the inner pocket.

“I hope you felt what I felt, Y/N. I hope I didn’t have to say it for you to notice it. I wish I knew...cause now it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.” I can’t stop the tears, I’m too weak and I’ve been holding them back for far too long. “I’ve never believed in an afterlife. But I really hope there is one, just so we can meet again.” I scoff, shaking my head, “Who am I kidding, I’m probably going to hell.”

I believe that’s where I deserve to go, anyway. I’m the reason she died. And I will never let myself live that down. I will never forgive myself. A flame like no other burnt out so mine could keep burning.   I will make sure it haunts me till the day I leave this world behind.

[possiblydead29]

I'm sorry.

I know I have betrayed your trust, I know I have said bad things to you. I know I have taken out my anger on you. I know u have every right to not trust me again. I know I don't deserve to message you let alone talk to you.

But I hoped we could have rekindled our friendship. I hoped we could talk again till 4 am, talking about our future, aims, and goals. I hoped we could have made plans like we used to. I hoped we could have gotten that one good picture we wanted of us together.

I miss those late-night talks. I miss that thrill I used to get waiting for your message. I miss your dry sarcasm, your kindness, and your humor. I miss you.

Khushi

I am sorry. I really am. I wish I could take back those mistakes. I really do. But I can't. I regret all those things a lot.

If I could undo all those, I would in a heartbeat.

I know u can't trust me again. I betrayed you and the friendship you kindly offered that I never deserved.

I know you can't trust me now, after all, I did so this is kinda a goodbye message.

It's been 7 years since I met you. And in all of those 7 years, I have never met anyone like you.

I was in love with you when we talked on that seat talking about the Bollywood classroom and whatnot. I have never met anyone who is just that perfect. I was in love with you, I am in love with you and I always would be in love with you.

I will love u till the day I die and if heaven and hell exist, then I will love you for eternity.

I know it sounds incredibly cheesy but it's true.

You are the most perfect person I ever met. I love your behavior, your attitude, your face, your body, your style, your mannerism, your humor, and everything. I love everything about you.

You are the most perfect human I ever met. But maybe that's the thing.

You are perfect for me. I think of you as my soulmate. You are everything I ever need. But that's it.

I'm not everything u need. I'm not your soulmate. I'm not perfect for you.

While you are what I need, I'm not what you need.

You want more and you deserve more.

Someone who would never leave you over his insecurities. Someone who doesn't belittle you, insult you, and tells you that he hates you. Someone who doesn't take his anger out on you.

You deserve the best the world has to offer and you will get the best the world has to offer.

You are the most skilled, intelligent, humorous, and beautiful person I ever met.

Never think low of yourself. Never underestimate or doubt yourself.

If this piece of trash can fall in love with you, so can you and others.

I would stop bothering you. I'm not unfollowing you or blocking you or anything. I will just stop disturbing you.

But if you ever need to just talk, I'm just one text away.

You don't need to reply to this text or anything.

You just need to be happy, that's all.

That's all I need.

Goodbye Khushi

Maybe for forever.

[maybankiara]

I HAVE COME TO SAVE THE DAY

pairing: JJ Maybank x Kiara Carrera

summary: JJ is a postman and Kiara is his favourite receptionist (alternatively, 4 times Kiara didn’t know JJ’s name and the one time she did).

w/c: 5k

a/n: i posted this on ao3 back for jiara week and totally forgot to post it on tumblr, too, so here’s a belated jiara fic, a short ‘lil enemies to lovers trope for y’all!!

masterlist | tag list

read on archive of our own

1: J.

‘Carrera Law Firm, how may I help you?’

  The guy standing in front of Kiara in a postman’s uniform gives her a glance that’s part-question part-disbelief, and then points at the device in his hand. ‘Delivery for Anna Carrera.’

  ‘Oh. Okay.’

  Blood rushes to Kiara’s cheeks as she clicks the button on the desk telephone, reaching her mother within seconds. 

  ‘Just sign it in,’ says her mother. 

  ‘Okay.’

  She hangs up and looks at the guy, extending a hand. ‘I’ll sign it.’

  He gives her a slight eyebrow raise and she may or may not see a hint of wickedness in the tight corner of his smile as she takes the device from him. She’s quick to sign it, with a shaky hand, and give it back to him. 

  ‘You’re new here.’

  Kiara nods, says: ‘Yeah, it's my first day’, even though it was a statement, not a question. 

  He stares at her for a hot second with the same expression, and Kiara expects him to ask something else, make it a conversation—it seemed like a conversation starter—but he doesn’t even acknowledge her answer. 

  ‘Where do I put this?’

  There’s a slight thud and she leans across her desk, seeing a medium-sized box with his black combat boot right next to it. 

  Her lips purse as she realises what he’d done, and decides she dislikes him. 

  All she wants to do is tell him off, that could be fragile, but she’s new and he seems cocky and reeks of trouble enough to make her bite her tongue. 

  So all she actually does is lean back into her chair and nod towards the wall to her side. ‘Just leave it there.’

  He does so without a question, and on the way out, gives her a two-finger salute. 

  Kiara checks the paper slip he left on her desk, finding his name with ease: J. Maybank. She thinks of his short but shaggy blonde hair, rugged and self-satisfied appearance that oozed confidence, and yeah, he looked like a boy whose name begins with J.

  It’s not the most awkward conversation/situation she has that day, but it’s the most memorable one, mostly because she can't get his smirk out of her head for more reasons than just one (and far too many of them she’d never admit). 

  She decides she hates him, anyway.

2: JOHN

The next time he comes, it’s Friday and Kiara’s got the hang of it, so she wags a finger at him to tell him to wait as she picks up the ringing phone. 

  ‘Carrera Law Firm.’ 

  She talks with the customer—a lovely lady, has the misfortune of living next to a new construction site—for a little bit, laughter falling from her lips. It’s Friday already and she’s gotten better at this, more confident, and making J. Maybank wait on her is worth it. 

  (It’s not a personal vendetta, per se – more of karma, really.)

  She watches him shift weight from one leg to another, hands resting in his pocket. He’s got a slouch to him, the ease in his shoulders making him seem as if anything he wishes for, the world gives him. Kiara’s friend Sarah calls boys who stood like that suave, but Kiara calls it arrogance. 

  The same half-smile with the same dose of wickedness in its curve is mocking her when she bids farewell to the lady on the phone. Her back is resting against the chair and a pen slides across the paper, before she actually looks at him. 

  ‘Delivery?’

  J. Maybank reaches into the side of his backpack and takes out a handful of letters, placing them on the desk. 

  Kiara frowns, because he’s still standing there. ‘Do I need to sign those?’

  ‘Nope.’

  He doesn’t budge and neither does his smile. 

  She collects the mail and goes through it, separating them in piles for each of her mother's employees. It takes her a couple of seconds, but J. Maybank’s gaze on her burns on her cheeks and makes it last a whole eternity. 

  Her glance at him comes in pair with a single raised eyebrow. ‘Can I help you?’

  J. Maybank puts his fingers on the desk, tapping one of them. ‘I can leave a message with you, right?’

  ‘Yeah, sure.’

  ‘Okay’'

  He nods. Kiara notes his fingers are shaky as he reaches into his pocket, taking out a pen and a piece of paper, even though there’s a bunch of both already on her desk for this exact purpose. 

  He scribbles down a note and folds the paper in half, hiding the text. He slides the note towards her, fingers still shaky. It’s a far cry from the overconfident, cocky person he was a mere minute ago. 

  ‘I looked up on the internet and it said that you offer free consultations, right?’

  Kiara nods. ‘Mostly, yeah. Depends on what you need.’

  ‘Family law,’ he elaborates. 

  ‘Then a consultation is free. It’s Mrs Viola Glisson’s department.’ Kiara puts her finger on the note and she wants to open it, to see what he’d written. Instead, she swallows dryly. ‘Do you want me to give this to her?’

  He nods. ‘That’d be great.’

  No thanks comes her way, only a smile that is innocent for less than it takes her to blink. He gives her the same two-finger salute and is back to the cocky J. Maybank in moments, and Kiara hates to admit that she can’t take her eyes off of him as he walks through the glass door. His uniform doesn’t fit the aesthetic of the building, nor Kiara’s smart black trousers and a red t-shirt with a propper-up collar and a zipper on the cleavage, but he doesn’t look out of place. 

  As soon as he’s out of sight, Kiara’s fingers take the paper note, ready to give it to Viola, a woman who grew up with her mother and Kiara dated her son James back in middle school. She’s planning to give it to Viola immediately, no wicked intentions, but J. Maybank’s face pops up in her mind, complete with the self-confident smirk. She gives in with a sigh, thinking that he deserves her snooping for the way he’s been acting. 

  To her disappointment, the writing is just a phone number with John Maybank written underneath it. 

  She hands it to Viola with a sigh, offering no information to go with it. Viola reads the note and a knowing look spreads over her features. ‘Maybank, the postman, right?’

  Kiara nods. 

  ‘He’s about your and James’ age, no?’

  ‘I guess.’ Her face flashes before her eyes and she places him in her school corridors with ease. She knows he doesn’t go to the Cooke Academy because a face with demeanour like his would stand out. 

  ‘He’s a good kid, Maybank. Mowed our lawn a fair amount,’ Viola muses to herself. Her fingers flip through a stack of papers and she writes something down, looking up at Kiara. ‘Did he say what he needed?’

  ‘Just a consultation with Familial.’

  ‘Hm? That’s interesting, might be about his father... Can you bring me a cup of coffee on your way out? You make the best coffee I’ve had in years!’

  Kiara knows when she’s being dismissed, so she does as Viola asked of her. Her mind buzzes with the newfound information about J.—John—Maybank. 

  He’s a mystery, and stays in her mind longer than she’d like, again. 

  3: JOHN J.

‘Mrs Grubbs, I can’t give away our employee’s private information.’

  ‘It’s just a phone number,’ repeats Mrs Lana Grubbs in exasperation. ‘It’s not private.’

  ‘A personal phone number is private information. I don’t have the right—’

  ‘Fine, I’ll just do it myself.’

  The short woman with greying brown hair pulled into an elaborate bun walks past Kiara's desk with complete disregard of any manners whatsoever, and is already halfway through the main hallway when Kiara comes up in front of her. 

  The young Carrera puts her hands between her and the woman, lips pressed tight. ‘Mrs Grubbs, you can’t walk in here unannounced.’

  ‘Announce me, then.’

  ‘You need to have an appointment,’ elaborates Kiara. She feels herself close to seething; there are firm rules set in stone when it comes to culture, and the woman before her seems to have completely missed them. ‘I can arrange you an appointment.’

  Mrs Grubbs scoffs. Her perfectly defined eyebrows shoot up, and her lips purse as she raises her chin. ‘I need an appointment now, young lady.’

  ‘My mother is in the middle of a meeting, and is busy until the end of her shift.’

  ‘She is not that busy. Push me in after this meeting.’

  Kiara sighs. Even if she pushed her in, she knew her mother wouldn’t give her time of the day with that attitude. ‘With all due respect—’

  ‘Ms Lana!’

  The two women avert their attention to Kiara’s reception desk, where a fair-haired boy in a postman’s uniform is standing with a small box in his hands and a grin on his face. He waves at them, but he’s looking at Mrs Grubbs. 

  ‘Hey, Ms Lana. How you been?’

  Mrs Grubbs’ demeanour changes in an instant – Kiara watches her go from a ruthless witch to a friendly lady from the neighbourhood. She approaches John Maybank and squeezes his cheeks with, asking about school, his friends, and whatnot. 

  Kiara takes the opportunity to go back behind her desk, eyeing the exchange suspiciously. Before she knows it, John is hugging Mrs Grubbs and she turns to the girl with a disappointed smile on her face. 

  ‘I will arrange an appointment elsewhere,’ she states, as if Kiara is supposed to give a damn. ‘Your services are subpar.’

  at least we don’t need to deal with entitled, mannerless assholes like you, crosses Kiara’s mind, but the only thing noticeable is the smile on her face. ‘In that case, I hope you find services that match your demands.’

  What she gets in return is a distasteful eye roll paired with an over-dramatic huff. Mrs Grubbs turns on her heel and walks out of the door without so much as a goodbye. 

  At last, Kiara takes a deep breath and shifts her gaze to the postman in front of her desk. 

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ he tells her with the smirk she’s gotten used to in the past two weeks. ‘Ms Lana is a bitch to everyone.’

  ‘Not you,’ sighs Kiara. 

  ‘No, that’s because everyone likes me.’

  She raises her eyebrows at him—she seems to be doing that a lot when he’s around—and just opens her hand. ‘What you got?’

  ‘Delivery for Mrs Viola Glisson.’ He hands her a paper slip and the device to sign, which she does. ‘So you don’t agree that everyone likes me?’

  ‘I don’t.’

  ‘Ouch.’ John places a hand over where his heart is supposed to be (a little too far to the left) and grimaces. ‘That hurts my feelings.’

  Kiara gives the device back to him, walking around the desk to pick up the box and put it on it. She knows he’s staring at her cleavage (not very exposed, but noticeable when she bends over) and wonders if he left it there on purpose. 

  When she sits back in her chair, he’s still there, fingers tapping against her desk.

  ‘Look, thanks for your help with Mrs Grubbs,’ she says, because a) she’s not a fool and she can tell what he did, and b) she can swallow her pride for one second. 

  ‘Does that make me your prince?’

  ‘You didn’t come on the white horse or in your shining armour.’

  ‘My uniform’s kinda shiny,’ he says, tugging at the short sleeves that have the reflective tape on it that is a must-have for Kildare. ‘And my bike is white.’

  Kiara laughs. ‘Your bicycle?’

  ‘My motorbike.’

  He says it slowly, with the “e” stretching into a knowing smile, and Kiara hates that he knows exactly what he’s doing, and hates even more that it’s working. 

  Thing is – by now, Kiara is half-certain that the majority of the reason why his presence irks her is because she’s attracted to it, and Kiara Carrera hates being attracted to people who are cocky and self-serving. He looks like he could be a good night’s fun, with his cheeky grin and eyes that remind her of waves she sometimes surfs on, and he reeks of trouble, still. This used to be her type – tall, blonde, with a streak for illegal activities, but Kiara said to herself that she isn’t fifteen anymore. She hasn’t been fifteen in two years, come two weeks. She’s past that childish behaviour. 

  ‘I don’t need a knight in shining armour, pal,’ she states, shutting down her thoughts before they progressed even further. I need a postman.’

  ‘We could be friends,’ he says. ‘Why not, huh?’

  ‘Do you always chat with receptionists for longer than it’s appropriate?’

  ‘Only cute ones.’

  Kiara can’t contain her laugh this time, and it echoes in the room full of marble. John is smiling at her, and she thinks that the wickedness in the crook of his smile is just playfulness, instead. Teasing, too, and maybe just the slight hint of a daredevil. 

  She leans her elbows on the desk, intertwines her fingers, and rests her chin on her hands. ‘I don’t even know your name.’

  He cocks his head to the side as if he knows she’s lying and, based on the way he seems (perceptive, in any case – he’s very good at finding out what makes her tick), he knows that she is. 

  The blond extends her a hand and she takes it. ‘John J. Maybank.’

  ‘Kiara Carrera.’ His grip is firm but so is hers, and they have a little staredown. ‘Adding in a “J.” to make yourself seem fancy?’

  (She pretends her hand isn’t cold once his is away; she pretends she doesn’t feel the blood coursing through her veins, or the knots in her stomach when his eyes fall to her lips.)

  John J. Maybank laughs with his whole chest, arms crossed on it. ‘Fancy is the last word anyone would use to describe me.’

  Her eyes travel up and down his body, and she tries not to linger on his biceps, accentuated by his pose, or the way his uniform sits just right on his body. 

  Instead, she grins. ‘I can tell.’

  He taps his fingers against her desk, and her eyes catch a pair of rings she didn’t notice before. ‘Anyway, we're friends now.'

  ‘Do I want to be friends with you?’

  John J. Maybank is already halfway out of the building when he turns to her, walking backwards, and shrugs with his arms outstretched. ‘I don’t think you have a choice.’

  He’s right – she doesn’t. 

  She thinks he’d be surprised if he knew just how little choice she has when it comes to him.

  4: JOHNNY JAY

John J. Maybank catches her as she’s walking out of the small—hers only—bathroom next to her desk. 

  ‘Hey, friend.’

  Kiara still rolls her eyes at the greeting. There’s something off about him, only she doesn’t notice what it is until she's sat down at her desk – he’s wearing a basketball top and short cargo pants, paired with the usual combat boots. 

  Kiara certainly didn’t expect to find out that the uniform actually hides quite a good bit of his body that is, objectively (and not in the way of Kiara objecting), quite pleasant to look at.

  He catches her looking. ‘I’m here for an appointment with Mrs Glisson.’

  ‘Now?’

  John J. Maybank glances at the clock to his right, above the bathroom door. ‘In ten minutes.’

  ‘Give me a second.’

  Her mind buzzes as fast as her fingers flip through the book of visitors. She recalls him asking for a consultation with Viola about two weeks ago, distinctly remembering Viola saying something about his father possibly being the reason. Her fingers land on the last time someone came for Viola. 

  ‘Sorry, she’s still in a meeting.’

  ‘Thanks. It’s okay, I’m not in a rush,’ he says, taking a seat in the waiting area, a few feet from Kiara’s desk. He throws one hand on the back of the seat next to him, ankle over a knee, and grins. ‘Besides, I don’t mind the company.’

  ‘I’m busy,’ retorts Kiara. 

  ‘When’s the last time you had fun?’

  ‘How long ago did you come here?’

  ‘Damn, dude. You still don’t like me?’

  ‘Nope.’

  They both know it's a lie. 

  In the past two weeks, he’s been here about five times, and every single one of those, he stayed behind to chat a little bit. Kiara didn’t mind – she liked having someone to talk to, especially someone who was her age. 

  (Well – not anymore, as of today.)

  ‘You should come to the Boneyard,’ he says. ‘And before you say you don’t want to—I see you—I’ll just let you know that I know you do, because I’ve seen you there, with Sarah Cameron and the kooks.’

  At this, Kiara leans back in her chair, crossing her ankles underneath her desk. ‘Don’t recall the Kooks playing at a Boneyard party. I think they tend to have proper concerts, instead.’

  ‘So what, you’re gonna say going to Boneyard parties isn’t your bad habit?’

  A smile spreads over her lips, heated underneath his gaze. She likes that he caught her reference – she likes that maybe they have the same taste in music. She likes the idea of them dancing to it, at a Boneyard party, red solo cups in hand. 

  ‘Relax, Johnny Jay.’ He raises an eyebrow at the name, but doesn’t interrupt her. ‘Boneyard parties aren’t really my scene anymore.’

  John J. Maybank stares at her with the same knowing look. She catches the glimmer in her eye that tells her she's not fooling him, and she sees the intent in the curve of his Cupid’s bow. 

  He flashes a set of white teeth and a pair of dimples. ‘Bring Sarah Cameron and the kooks. It might be a pogue party, but it’ll be a proper party.’

  Kiara’s smile is soft, and her cheeks are heating up again underneath the sharpness of his gaze. ‘What will they say when I find out I’m friends with a pogue?’

  ‘You care about that?’

  ‘No,’ she admits, ‘but I thought you might.’

  ‘Nah, dude. My friends already know about us.’

  ‘There’s no us.’

  ‘There could be.’

  He gives her an award winning smile, one that must’ve given him the aura of someone good for a night's worth of fun. (She hates that it’s drawing her in the way he is, making her want to say yes when she told herself she’d be more responsible her last year before leaving for college.)

  Kiara just sighs, going back to what she was doing before she took a bathroom break – doodling on a paper they used for testing the new printer (the one only Kiara seems to understand, which makes her useful, and the situation annoying). 

  John J. Maybank walks over to her, fingers on the desk. It irks her when he does it, so he does it as often as possible. 

  She looks up at him and for once, there is not a hint of anything wicked.

  ‘Come on, Kiara. Next summer, you’ll be getting ready for college, and you’ll be too busy to enjoy yourself. Then you’re gonna leave for college and you won’t look back, and that’ll be the best years of your life wasted. Besides,’—he taps against her hand and she slaps his—‘I won’t be there anymore.’

  He tries touching her hand again, and she slaps it all the same. ‘Why does that matter?’

  ‘‘Cause I’m the best thing Kildare has to offer.’

  as if.

  Kiara is about to snap back with something—he hasn’t figured out what—when Rafe Cameron walks past the two of them, giving her a court nod. She pushes John J. Maybank’s hand off the wood, pretending her hands don’t burn where skin touches skin. ‘That’s your cue.’

  He nods, and she notices the smile fell off his face while she watched her best friend’s brother walk out. His blue eyes are glazed, and his lips are trembling so Kiara pokes his hand with the top end of her pen. 

  ‘You’ll be fine, Johnny Jay.’

  ‘Yeah.’ He nods to her, or himself, and taps once against the desk. ‘See you later, I guess.’

  Kiara gives him what she hopes to be a reassuring smile. 

  John J. Maybank leaves, and she listens to the familiar thuds of his boots until she hears Viola's door open, and he walks in. What they’re doing isn’t her business, regardless of how badly she wants to know. Rafe Cameron’s here because he’s dealing with some bullshit his dad’s putting him through, and the only reason she knows any of that is because Sarah told her. Kiara is practically family to the two, even if she isn’t the biggest fan of the boy. 

  Johnny Jay, on the other hand, is someone she struggles to even consider a friend, since they’ve never met outside the confines of these four walls. They read each other well, bounce off of one another like a pair of old friends, and they’ve got a lot more in common than she would’ve ever thought. 

  They’re not friends in the traditional way, but they’re friends enough. 

  The telephone on the desk buzzes with the word VIOLA in place of caller ID. Kiara answers. 

  ‘Kiara, sweetheart, can you please print for me the documents I sent you?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Thank you, darling.’

  Printing is actually much simpler than any of them realise. Kiara doesn’t even open the documents before sending them to the printer, clicking a few buttons that are just settings for how the page will come out (and most of them she doesn’t even need to touch). The printer is in the building’s library on the first floor, and the room smells of old books and freshly printed papers. 

  There’s a difference between snooping into a note he left for Viola and looking over the documents that she is currently taking out of the printer – she can’t not see what is written on them when she has to check that the printer hasn’t gone out of ink. 

  It’s only a glance at each of the pages, but it’s enough for her to see EMANCIPATION FORM and RESTRAINING ORDER FORM written at the headers of each of the two sets to clock onto what’s happening.

  The only thought in her head is: shit.

  She wasn’t meant to see that. 

  Kiara’s hands produce a shaky knock against the wooden door, and it’s Viola’s raspy smoker-voice that invites her in. She’s still feeling a little bit sick in the stomach when she enters, papers in hand. 

  ‘Thank you, Kiara,’ says Viola, a thoughtful expression on her face.

  ‘No problem.’

  Her voice is feeble, filling out every inch of space not occupied by something, or someone. She’s halfway out the door before Viola even gets to dismiss her, and she glances at Maybank on the way – he’s pale, face sickened with something she doesn’t recognise, but his eyes are weary in a way no sixteen-year-old’s should be. 

  He doesn’t seem angry – it’s Kiara’s last thought before the door shuts, and she can’t see him anymore. 

  Time passes as she waits for the meeting to be over. The fair-haired boy is all she can think about; she shouldn’t ask questions but there are many in her head, and her doodles can’t distract her anymore. When customers call, she doesn’t chat to them, and no people walk in to divert her attention. 

  He walks out about quarter of an hour later, a bittersweet edge to the eyebrows looming over his eyes, a stack of paper in tow.

  ‘Hey, friend.’

  A finger taps against the desk, next to a doodle that looks an awful lot like him. She moves her arm and rests her elbow on it. 

  ‘Hey,’ she says back. ‘Did it go well?’

  ‘Well.’ A sour smile. ‘I’m not sure getting a restraining order against the same old man you’re trying to get emancipated from could ever go well.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ offers Kiara, and it's genuine. 

  To John J. Maybank’s credit, he gives her a court nod and a smile that seems a little less like it’s saying i am doing something that could go terribly right or terribly wrong.

  ‘Come to the Boneyard on Saturday. Bring Sarah and everybody. It’ll be fun.’

  ‘I’ll think about it.’

  He must know her well enough to be able to tell this is as close to a yes as anyone will ever get from her, because the smile his cheeks stretch into is the one with dimples, and a fancy for trouble.

  She knows him well enough to be able to tell that what she found out stays between them. 

  (Kiara wonders when strangers turned into friends turned into people who understand each other without having to say anything.)

  ‘Oh and, uh,’ he calls back from the main door, ‘happy birthday!’

  He doesn’t stick around long enough to hear her thanks, but he sticks around many other times.

  + 1: JJ

Flowers. 

  ‘Those better not be for me,’ muses Kiara from her desk. ‘I don’t like orchids.’

  JJ walks in with a bouquet of flowers and his postman uniform, all accompanied by a wide, cheerful grin on his face. He’s got a spring to his step and he swings himself around the desk, planting a kiss to Kiara’s cheek. 

  Her hands loop around his waist. With the flowers now on her papers, Kiara feels as if she walked into the Camerons’ backyard. 

  ‘It’s not for you,’ says JJ, wrapping a curl around his finger. ‘For Mrs Glisson.’

  ‘What’s the occasion?’

  Kiara’s—well, whatever they are to one another—hesitates for a second, but she thinks it’s more for dramatic effect than actual hesitation. 

  His finger taps her cheek, warm and rough at the tip. ‘I’m moving into the Chateau today. Officially.’

  ‘Have the forms gone through?’

  He nods, and Kiara flings her around his neck, pulling him into a full kiss. It shifts into a hug, and she feels him relax into her. ‘I can breathe now.’

  ‘I can only imagine.’ She pulls back, smiling as wide as he is. ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘Shocked. Terrified. Excited. Ambi-feelous.’

  ‘That’s not a word.’

  ‘God, you’re starting to sound like Pope. I never should’ve introduced you.’

  ‘It was inevitable,’ Kiara says. 

  They both know it, so JJ just runs a finger alongside her jaw, and his lips briefly touch hers. He’s gone after that and so are the flowers (Kiara is genuinely glad they weren’t for her). Viola isn’t in a meeting right now so it’s fair game, and about two minutes in, she’s pretty sure she can hear the woman crying/yelling (when it comes to Viola, those sounds are way too similar). It’s a big deal for everybody – the whole firm took him under their wing once they found out about the horrors of living under the Maybank roof, enough that they decided to do the case pro bono. 

  (JJ doesn’t like pity, so he made sure to help out in any way they can, from running errands while doing her postman job or being their personal mechanic during his free time.)

  When he comes back, he’s all smiles, lips stretched out wider than Kiara thought it possible. 

  ‘I’m picking up post today,’ he says, walking over to the box with mail thrown into it. ‘Busy day.’

  ‘How busy?’ 

  ‘Busy.’

  ‘Could you spare ten minutes?’ asks Kiara, stepping away from her desk. He can see her in her full glory now – she’s pretty sure he has a thing for secretaries and their lookalikes, and she’s been putting in extra effort the past few days. ‘I think a pipe went off in my bathroom, or something. Since you said you’d help out with maintenance…’

  JJ checks the clock above the bathroom, then shrugs, facing away from the camera to give her a coy grin. ‘I guess ten minutes won’t hurt.’

  ‘Thank you.’ She starts walking over to the bathroom, JJ at her heel. ‘I’ve been dying to get this fixed for days.’

  ‘Mhm. I can imagine. It must’ve been awful.’

  ‘Truly terrible.’

  The moment they’re behind the closed door of Kiara’s bathroom, she’s pressed against the cold wall, JJ’s body hot in front of her. His lips are all over her neck and her hands making a mess out of his hair, while his are busy tugging her shirt out of her trousers and sliding underneath the fabric, pulling lines on the bare skin. 

  Instinctively, Kiara’s hips buckle against his as she arches her back and tilts her neck, exposing more skin for him to brush his lips over. She feels the bugle, and lets out a hearty laugh. 

  JJ stops kissing her, just enough to give her a glare with a frown. ‘I can see how terrible it’s been if you have time to laugh at me.’

  ‘Shut up,’ Kiara says, tugging at his collar to pull him closer. ‘We’ve got to be quiet.’

  His hands travel downwards until they’re in her trousers, cupping her ass, and Kiara buckles against him again. She pulls him closer until they’re chest to chest, and she kisses the spot right below his ear, feeling him moan against her, his hands gripping her tighter. The thrill of being caught is making both their hearts race, and Kiara can think of very few things hotter than this moment.

  ‘Quiet is the last thing you’re going to be, Kie,’ he threatens.

  She’s up on the sink within a heartbeat, and he tugs her trousers down with more ease than she’d think possible. 

  There’s a mirror on both sides of the wall, in front of her and behind her; she sees the grin on her lips, with self-assurance and a hint of wickedness to it, watching JJ press kisses up her tight that leave marks no one but her will be able to see. 

  Her hands are tugging on his hair, pulling him closer to her. ‘Ten minutes,’ she reminds him. ‘Make ‘em count.’

  All JJ does is bury his head between her legs, and she starts to think that this bathroom had never been meant for anything other than this.

  ★

tagging. @jjmaybanky​​ @chasefreakinstokes​​ @drewstarkey​​ @thatsme-johnbookerroutledge​​ @outrbank​​ @juneyxx @drewstarkeyobx​​ @ilovejjmaybank​​​ @teamnick​​​ @jjmaybanksbaby​​​ @mahleeyuh​​​ @nicolewithasoul​​ @kiarawilliams127​​ @starlightstarkey​​ @anonymous0writer​​ @outerbongs​​ @warnettc​​ @jjandreidsgirl @jjmaybanqs @sofiesshitshow @kaitieskidmore1 @maybanksbaby @abbiesthings @tempestuousjj @coconutroseowl @queenofthepouges

[smileyjaeminies]

It’s For My Art

Synopsis: An idea pops into Kevin’s mind, so demanding he can’t seem to shake it off. What happens when the words fly past his lips?

Word Count: 3,2 k

Genre: fluff, university au!, artist Kevin x swimmer/special needs teacher reader

Warnings: none

Member: Kevin

A/N: This work was so hard to get right… I really hope I did it justice in the end. I’ve experimented with a new pov in this, I hope you like the change! Enjoy~

  Kevin was content with looking at you from afar. He leaned against the wall as Chanhee blabbered on to him and Jacob about one thing or the other. The loud music rang in his ears, in combination with the liquor in his cup. The smell of cigarettes and sweat filled the air and Kevin did his best to brush it off.

  He stole glances at you, trying to be sneaky and not stare too hard. You were sitting on the couch with some of your friends, giggling back and forth. Kevin hated the fact that you turned to your friend so much, showing him the view of your strong shoulders and back.

  The spaghetti sleeves of your dress did little to conceal your back, topped off with your hair tied in a high ponytail… It was enough to drive him wild. He nodded then and again, pretending to listen to his friend’s conversation as his thoughts became hazy.

  Kevin was an art major. Since he was little, his hands were filled with colour as he dug his little hands in whatever paint supplies he could find. Slowly but surely he cultivated his talent, which managed to grant him a position at one of the most prestigious universities in the country.

  As an artist, it was easy for him to find beauty in everything. The most mundane things sparked his interest and his inspiration derived from almost anything, to some spilled coffee on his kitchen counter, to the myriad of colours in a sunset.

  He recalled now seeing you for the first time only a week ago, in the grass outside the main building on your campus. Contrary to popular belief, almost no one sat on the grass at your campus, and yet there you were, lying on your stomach, feet up in the air, your nose buried inside a book and earplugs hanging from your ears.

  You were just perfect. Kevin had been looking for someone just like you, broad shoulders and back for the longest time for one of his long-term projects. He had tried some of his friends, but until then, it had taken too much convincing and too feeble a result for him to be satisfied.

 The past week, he couldn’t take you off his mind. The anonymous girl from uni, whose broad shoulders made his inspiration run wild. And now that you were standing only a few feet away from him, his mind was hazy with thoughts of you.

  “I’m getting another drink” he announced to his friends, earning an eager nod from Jacob.

  As he made his way to the kitchen, he scoured the rows of different bottles for something he recognized. His eyes landed upon a brand of tequila he knew he liked, so he reached for it. At that moment, another hand made its way on top of the bottle, holding a tight grip on the neck.

  Kevin’s eyes made yours across the kitchen island, making him gasp. You giggled at his unexpected reaction, cocking your head to one side in confusion.

  “Want one?” you asked him.

  “Yes” he simply answered, nodding his head for good measure.

  “Strong or easy? Can you handle your alcohol, sweetie?” you asked him again.

  “Sure” he answered as you poured both your drinks.

  “Ask her, you idiot” his brain was screaming at him. Yet he remained silent, accepting the cup you offered him while muttering a small thank you.

  “No problem, sweetie. Have fun!” you encouraged him, before turning right on your heels and walking out.

  “Fucking hell” he muttered to himself as he assumed his place with Jacob and Chanhee.

  Only this time, your eyes were on him. The encouraging smile on your lips made him shuffle in his spot, trying to weasel himself back in his friends’ conversation and ignore your stare.

  Some rounds of shots later, Kevin could definitely feel the effect of the alcohol running in his veins.

  “I’m just going to ask. She can always say no. It’s no big deal. I’ll just re-take the damn class” he was telling his friends.

  “Do you really think this is the time and place to ask her? She could say no just because she gets the wrong idea. Why don’t you-” Chanhee was trying to reason with him, when Kevin caught you making your way to the kitchen.

  “I’m doing it now. Wish me luck” he said over his shoulder, already walking towards the kitchen.

  A few shoves and a shower of sorry’s later, he was standing near you once again. After a deep breath, he mustered up the courage to lightly poke you and introduce himself. You turned around, your eyes shining in recognition once they fell on him.

  “Hi, sweetie” you told him.

  “Hi, I’m Kevin” he announced.

  You giggled, nodding your head.

  “Do you want me to fix you another drink, Kevin?” You asked.

  “No, thank you” he replied.

  “Well then, I’ll be going” you said, moving past him.

  Kevin acted quickly, afraid that he was going to lose you.

  “Can I paint your back?” the words flew past his lips before he knew it.

  You turned around, a curious look on your face when you regarded him. At least it wasn’t horrified or disgusted.

  “What?” you asked, your voice getting a little bit high pitched.

  “It’s not a weird thing I promise! I- I’m an art major and we’re doing this project were we have to paint something on anything but a canvas and I was trying out painting on people’s backs and I think yours would work perfect with my theme so I thought, hey, she’ll either think I’m a fucking weirdo or she’ll like the idea and help me with a fun project” Kevin rambled, the words flowing out of him in a hurry to make you understand.

  You stayed quiet, looking at him and he only hoped you were considering his proposal.

  “A project. And you want to paint… On my back?” you ask, your head falling on one side.

  “Yes.” Kevin was quick to answer you.

  You took a few more moments to think, before you started shaking your head. Kevin’s face fell as he felt the rejection approaching. His mind was racing, trying to figure out a way to get to you.

  “Look, Kevin, was it? I’m too drunk for this right now. Let me… Think about it after my hangover.” You proposed.

  “Yes! Yes, take all the time you need, of course” Kevin was quick to comply.

  You reached inside the pocket of your jeans, retrieving your cell phone and handing it to him.

  “Put your phone in there. Imma text you” you said and Kevin did as he was told.

  “‘Weird back guy’? Wow, you hardly give yourself enough credit” you joked.

  “Well, I thought that Kevin would be a little too vague. Maybe ‘Weird back guy’ is going to ring a bell” he said with a light laugh.

  You laughed along with him as you both walked back out to the living room.

  “You’re decent… For a weird back guy I met at a party.” You said.

  “I’ll take it as a compliment. Just text me whenever, okay?” he asked.

  “Sure thing, sweetie” you said, rejoining your friends.

------------------------------------------------------------

  Days flowed by as classes and life managed to distract Kevin from longingly looking at his phone. He was sat on his desk, an array of materials and pieces of paper surrounding him, classical music flowing through his speaker to keep him focused as his hands worked ceaselessly.

  Projects were piling up and he had to get his portfolio ready for the professors to look through. In a streak of creativity, he was pouring out piece after piece, not bothering to inspect them for mistakes, only rushing to work on the next one.

  The dinging of his phone pulled him out of his trance. He completed some finishing touches to his drawing, before cleaning his hands and reaching for his phone.

Unknown

Hey Kevin! It’s Y/N, you know, from the party?

  Kevin’s heart danced in his chest as he read the message. Finally, you had texted him! Pushing his thoughts on the back of his mind, he texted you back.

Kevin’s phone

Of course I remember you! I’m so glad you reached out, and finally I know your name haha

Y/N

Omg that’s so embarrassing I never introduced myself-

Sorry about that, I guess I was too out of it lol

Kevin’s phone

Don’t sweat it, I’m just glad you reached out at all

Y/N

So about that… I did some thinking and then I grew tired of doing it so now I’m saying fuck it

I’m in

  Kevin almost screamed in delight reading the last text. A smile spread on his face as his thoughts were swarmed with things he could draw. Inspiration flowed like a river, drowning his thoughts and making his head ache. He felt jittery, his leg bouncing up and down with excitement.

  Realizing he still hadn’t answered your text, his fingers worked fast on the keyboard.

Kevin’s phone

That’s amazing to hear! I’m so glad you’ll help, I was so ready to just drop everything and hide

Y/N

I’m glad I’m doing this too! It’s going to be fun, right?

Kevin’s phone

Most definitely! I’ll try not to bore you out of your mind lol

When are you free? We can do this in my place since I have all my supplies and whatnot

Y/N

Sure thing! Um, I’m free all afternoon Thursday, is that okay?

  After figuring out a few technical things, like the exact time and giving you directions to his dorm room, Kevin threw his phone on his bed. Giddy with excitement he bounced on his chair as he went through his supplies, making sure he had all the colours he needed.

  This is really happening, huh, he thought to himself as the smile on his lips didn’t seem to falter.

------------------------------------------

  Thursday afternoon came along sooner than Kevin would have liked. He did everything in his power to clean his dorm room, efficiently kicking Jacob out to give you both some privacy.

  Right on time, a knock on his door alerted Kevin of your arrival. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself as he opened the door for you. You smiled at him and greeted him politely. Kevin was torn between hugging you and merely sharking your hand, when you stepped forward, wrapping your hands around his torso and letting yourself in.

  You leisurely sat down on his bed as if you owned the place, striking up a pleasant conversation with him. After talking to you for a while, he decided to finally take the initiative.

  “If you don’t mind, I think we should get started soon or I’ll lose all the natural light” he told you.

  Your eyes widened for a mere second, so fast he almost missed it. You quickly composed yourself, not saying anything, only nodding at his request.

  “I’m going to go to the bathroom, leave you some time to change. Call for me when you’re ready, okay?” he asked.

  “Okay” you said, but from the tone of your voice he could tell you’re your demeanor was slowly changing.

  “Hey, Y/N, at any point you want me to stop, just say the word. It’s okay, I promise. There’s no point in doing this if you don’t want to.” He tried to reassure you.

  A small smile made its way to your lips as you whispered a thank you. Kevin only nodded, getting in the bathroom and closing the door behind him. He closed his eyes, resting his head on the door as a million pictures rushed behind his eyelids.

  A certain picture kept resurfacing, a cloudy night sky, with some stars still shining through. He knew that was what he was going to be painting today. He only prayed that it would be good enough for his professor.

  “I’m ready now” your voice called from the other room.

  Kevin made straight for his painting supplies, his hands itching to prepare the colours he needed. From the corner of his eye, he saw you lying down on his bed, your top laying neatly folded a few inches away from your head.

  “Do you need another pillow? Are you comfortable enough?” he asked.

  “I think I’m okay. I just don’t know what to do with my hands” you said with a laugh.

  “Don’t worry about it, just try not to fold them if that’s okay” he requested.

  A nod came from you as Kevin finished preparing his colours. The atmosphere was tense as he took a stool to sit next to you, hovering over your body.

  “So… Music?” he asked

  “What about it?” you asked him in return.

  “Do you want to play some? I think I’d bore you too much with the classical music I use when I paint” he said.

  “Okay… Well, there’s been one album I’ve been dying to listen to” you said and Kevin hummed.

  He showed you how to connect your phone to the speaker and was very surprised when you played one of his favourite band’s new album.

  “That’s literally one of my favourite bands” he confessed.

  “Really? That’s so awesome! I only discovered them a few years ago… They’re too good” you said.

  “They really are” Kevin admitted.

  He timidly placed his brush on your body, making you shiver. He chuckled at your reaction, while you let out an awkward laugh.

  “Probably should’ve said something. Sorry” he apologized.

  “It’s okay” you mumbled.

  “So, how did you get to know them again?” he asked you.

  The conversation flowed easily from there on as you seemed to relax more and more under his fingers. He worked while you two talked, allowing his mind to roam free as his hands moved almost without him noticing.

  Sometime later, the album had finished playing and a calm silence had overtaken the room. Kevin’s eyebrows were scrunched together as he placed the finishing touches on his work. Taking a step back he admired his work, until his eyes fell on your face.

  You had fallen asleep somewhere in between, your mouth now hanging open as you breathed evenly. Kevin smiled lightly, as he shook his head. He really had bored you to sleep.

  Taking his camera, he stood on top of your body to take some pictures of the painting on your back. However, his attention was brought to your soft features, your arm hanging down from the bed, palm outstretched, the shapes your hair outlined as they danced over the pillow, the lines of your nose and mouth.

  The clicking of his camera came and went and he could already imagine the way he could edit those later. He tried not to show your features too much, careful not to give away your identity, although he could tell he could hardly show these pictures to anyone but you.

  Putting his camera back in its case, a sigh escaped his lips. He looked back in all he had learned about you today. You were studying to be a special needs teacher, hoping to help children through your work. You had scored a scholarship through swimming, explaining your broad shoulders and strong back. You lived out of campus in a small apartment with your best friend. Your friends were real fun to be around and you loved hanging out with them, but sometimes you found that they were moving too fast for you.

  You liked a lot of the same bands and pretty much listened to the same music. You hanged out at your apartment most of the time, savoring the peace and quiet and opting out from clubs, finding that house parties, quite like the one you met at, were more your style. You favored books over movies and absolutely despised modern art. You also hated poetry, one of your professors and mint chocolate ice cream.

  He realized then, he had gotten so much information just from talking to you on and off as he worked. He couldn’t even imagine how sitting down to actually talk to you would be.

  At that moment, Kevin realized he really wanted to see you again, to get to know you better and he would make sure that would happen.

  He sat in the corner of his bed, placing a hand on your shoulder and shaking you gently. He called your name, but you didn’t seem to stir. Without thinking much of it, he run his hand through your hair in a soothing manner and tried calling your name again.

  This time, you did stir, your eyes opening with effort. A small groan escaped you as Kevin continued running his fingers through your hair. He smiled down at you, not even bothering to hide it.

  “Sorry to wake you, I just thought you might have to leave or something” he told you.

  You stirred, turning to lay on your back and Kevin immediately looked away from your topless form. From the corner of his eye he saw you rubbing your eyes sleepily, humming as an answer to his words.

  “I don’t have anything to do actually, I cleared my afternoon just for you” you said with a laugh.

  “Oh, I’m honored” he told you, eyes still stuck on the opposite wall.

  “Kevin” you called him, sitting up.

  “Yeah?” he asked.

  Your hand was on his chin, your touch so light it felt like he almost dreamt it.

  “I want you to look at me” you whispered, turning his head for your eyes to lock.

  His eyes landed on yours and he was shocked to find you looking at him with hooded eyes. His gaze fell to your lips and felt himself take in a sharp breath.

  “I am looking at you” he said, his eyes finding yours again.

  Like magnets, you moved at the same time, finding each other somewhere in between the distance that was separating you. Your lips found each other in an experimental and passionate kiss, as Kevin’s hands buried themselves in your hair.

  Leaving your lips, he peppered kisses all across your face, before moving to your jaw and neck. Not yet satisfied, his lips found yours again, as the kiss only deepened.

  Breaking away, you moved backwards a bit, tracing his cheek with your hand. He tried reading your eyes and he could clearly see that you were thinking about something, although he wasn’t sure what.

  “What is it?” he asked you in a whisper.

  “Nothing. I’m just glad I came” you told him with a smile, placing a small peck on his nose.

  Without giving him a chance to say anything in return, you get up from his bed, getting your things and disappearing in his bathroom. Kevin hears the shower being turned on, which snaps him back into reality.

  As he finishes packing up his supplies and the spare sheet he had used for you to lay on, now filled with colour, you emerge from the bathroom.

  “Hey” you greet him with a smile.

  “Hey” he says as he smiles back at you.

  “So I’m craving some Chinese food. Care to join?” you ask him.

  The smile on Kevin’s face only grows as he gets on his feet, walking up to you. He holds your hand in his before saying,

  “What are we waiting for?”

[mcrmadness]

Today’s theme apparently is “asddddmgklmregme I need to get my shit together!”

Mainly it’s my mind thinking about friendships etc. on a subconscious level. It just keeps throwing in things like “no they don’t like you anymore”, and I always feel like I’m being too much or that I just... don’t know the limits of a friendship? I mean that I always feel everything more strongly than people regularly which is why I kinda get attached to people easily, but then I start regretting everything when I don’t talk with them all the time. I easily get carried away when I enjoy talking with someone and then feel like when the time passes, I return back to earth and feel like I have revealed too much or that that was again just too strong and stupid emotions that make me seem embarrassing because obviously others won’t feel even normal everyday emotions this strongly as I do.

It’s also this doubt of if I even know anyone really. I mainly have online friends so the image in my head is based on texts mainly. I often wonder if these people even are who I think they are? In the past I have met with online friends and I remember this one case particularly well, when I was 16 and she was basically my “best friend online”, we were talking probably daily and we met a few times actually, but something changed after we spent so much time in the same place and in the end I felt like she was nothing like I thought. Or maybe she was what I thought she was, but in the end we didn’t actually get along THAT well as what we did online. Eventually the connection died even online and I guess that slightly traumatized me and now I just keep being afraid of the same happening with all of my other online friends eventually because I just am too difficult person to be around sometimes.

Something similar has happened with my only IRL friend too. But it’s mainly because I’m extremely bad with people changing - and I UNDERSTAND that people change all the time and they NEED to change too and there’s nothing I can do about that and sometimes people just grow apart. Not a big deal. Sad obviously, but that’s just life, I guess... but this friend, I have known her since we were 15 which means we’ve been friends for 15 years this year. It’s insane but my brain literally still lives in 2006-2012 sometimes and cannot comprehend that the person I’m talking to is no longer the same teenage girl I used to hang out with when I was also a teenager. It’s only natural that she has grown as a person and her opinions on things change and whatnot. But my mind constantly expects answers to be like what she would have said when she was 15-20, but then gets overwhelmed when she answers like an adult. It cannot really decide if I like her adult version or the rebellious teenager better. Because the things she says now are smart and really good, but a part of me wishes she would still agree with me on things that I don’t seem to have changed with for the past 10-15 years. I know for sure I have changed too but I can’t see it as clearly as what you can see from someone who you have known for 15 years but still have met only 1-2 times a year for the past almost 10 years or so. So maybe I just haven’t spent enough time with her and it would solve itself if I just did that. Since her personality in my head is basically just my MEMORIES of her from the time we spent time together several times a week, usually every day because we always hang out at school.

But anyway... gosh this is just so damn exhausting. I hate it when my brain makes me question all my friendships all the time. Like, can’t you just let them be? Does it have to always mean that “it’s over now” if there’s little to no interaction? A while back I already made a post about this and how friendships in my head apparently work like in The Sims games: don’t interact with your friends and sooner or later you will get a message saying “X is no longer Y’s friend.” and all you can do is to just eithe live with it, or contact that sim again to get the meter back to 50% aka to “friend”.

I’m just so lonely I should get more IRL friends but how to when this city is basically dead and all the young people are either teenagers or have moved out already, and I am doing absolutely nothing but sitting at home 24/7. I think I just don’t know how IRL friendships work anymore because all I have is online friendships and you rely on writing there.

[wetookanoath]

Nini’s birthday plan 2019 to be annoyingly postive ~

So, it’s that time of the year again. 

My birthday is coming soon on November 18th, and like every year, I thought of making a wish list. But, this year I decided to actually make a little activity. 

I love my birthday, and I want to share it with all of you because this place has been a great source of positiveness lately and, even after the worst parts of it, I’ve been blessed with your support.

That said,

~ ACITIVITIES

I’ve decided that, starting November 10th, there are a few things I would love to do and they include your participation. From the 10th to the 18th, we are going to be positive as fuck, let’s annoy haters.

November 10th: Fanartists appreciation day. Like last year, I’ll make a post appreciating my favorite artists in the shyan fandom, I’ll be also reblogging my favorite works from them even If I have reblogged them before. I would totally love to see if other people make their own appreciation posts as well, don’t doubt on sending them my way to reblog them or tag me in them.

I’m doing only shyan artists because there aren’t many and to avoid unpleasant encounters with other sides of the fandom. I want peace, I’m not fighting anyone on my birthday month!

November 11th: Follow Forever. I know this is something most people do on New Year’s or whatnot, but I already have other plans for December so I’ll be doing this now. It’s a little post appreciating my favorite blogs that include mutuals, writers, gif and graphic makers, etc. All people I follow and that I love seeing on my dash.

On this day, you can totally rec to me and others your favorite blogs. Can be off or on anon, I’ll post the messages and we can check out blogs together. 

You can include in your ask with your recs postive messages directed to said blogs, I will @ them and we can have an appreciation day for everyone.

November 12th: Favorite fanfiction. I’ll be doing a rec list of my top 50 favorite shyan fanfics in the fandom and a smaller list for my favorite buzzships fanfics in the fandom. 

I would love it if you guys could recommend me your favorite shyan fanfics on that day. Can be off or on anon, I may read the ones that take my attention, but I will certainly rec them all at the Library in one single list that will be posted on the 13th. 

If you want to also make your own list, please do. Tag the Library and/or this blog, I will reblog them for sure in the Library!

I will also be commenting on said fanfics I will put on those recs, even if I had commented them before. This is just to remind the authors how much I love their work and why. I encourague you guys to do the same!

November 13th: Rec your fave something to someone. Which means, send me and other people you like, off or on anon, recs for music, tv shows, blogs, fics, movies, books, FANDOMS IF YOU WANT, and talk about why you love it. I sure as hell want to hear it.

By the end of the day or on November 14th, I’ll do a post with all recs by category. Meaning, music list, tv shows list, etc.

I’ll also rec my favorite things, too!

November 14th: Apreciate your own work day. That. We are gonna go as hard as we go for our faves and appreciate our own work, doesn’t matter what kind of work is.

On November 3th, I’m going to post a poll where you can vote for your favorite fanfics written by me. On this day, I’ll post the results and talk about each fic. This was my original plan to celebrate my birthday, but I decided I really prefer if I can give something to people instead of just having one benefit for me.

Though, it’s my birthday and a little ego bust never hurt anyone. On this day, I will start posting a series of edits made by me based on the top5 fics you guys chose.

I’ll be self-reblogging my fics, some edits and my favorite headcanons/aus I have made for the fandom on this day. I invite you guys to do the same.

Rec your own fics, art, headcanons, blog, do it!

Make edits and art for your fics, post them that day. If you don’t have fics or what, make art or edits that you want to see, do it for yourself and other will love it, too.

Don’t be afraid to say “I fucking nailed this one”, be proud of your creations and how you have gotten better with time. Appreciate your work!

November 15th: Pet Day! Which means, show me your cute pets. You can submit your pics, make your own post and tag me, or just send me an ask talking about your pets. I’ll be making a post showing mine!

We can also appreciate the boys’, the crew’s and other buzzfeeder’s pets!

Make headcanons, art, fics, whatever about your fave buzzfeeder’s pets!

November 16th: Favorite Author appreciation. We all have one and like with the fanartist appreciation day, I’ll be doing a post to appreciate all my favorite authors on tumblr and another one for all my favorite authors only on AO3 (or that I know only on AO3 lol).

I’ll be making a rec list with one or two favorite fics for each author on my appreciation post, will be posted at the Library.

If you make a similar post, make sure to send the link my way or tag me and/or the Library so I can reblog it!

Same if you make rec lists with your fave author’s fics.

November 17th: Shyan Positivity Day. On this day, we are gonna fill our tags (shyan, skeptic believer, shyan fic, shyan art and even buzzfeed unclean) with shyan things. Can be headcanons, metafiction, edits, art, fics, drabbles, memes, funny text posts, appreciation posts, anything related to shyan in a positive way (although, angst is also accepted).

Send to me or your favorite shipper your headcanons, au ideas, little observations or fic recs.

Or make your own posts about these things and have fun with the interactions!

Post your edits, videos, art, fics, whatever as long as it’s shyan and you love it.

REMEMBER TO NOT USE THE GENERAL TAGS! For real, I don’t want to fight anyone on this day.

And a second reminder that if you are going to send me n/s/f/w stuff, send it at @bigdickmadej! I promise to have anon on for that day.

November 18th: It’s my birthday! I may not be much around that day, so for the final day of this little positive thing, I’m going to leave it to you guys to go on and please be the most loving you can be.

Go have a nice day, do whatever you want.

Maybe comment on that fic you’ve been reading or that one you liked the other day.

Check out your favorite fic again, comment it even if you have done it before, remind that author that you love their work and why you do it.

Send nice anons! Or nice messages off anon!

Buy a coffee for your favorite artist, author, etc. Maybe donate to your charity of preference. 

If maybe you want to do something for me, keep reading the next part for my little wish list for this year!

~ WISH LIST

It would mean the world to me if you guys really would like to participate in this little project. Even if just for one day, doesn’t matter which one, It really would mean so much to me.

I love getting messages on my birthday! And that’s really a great gift to me, so off or on anon, you can totally send me your birthday wishes and make me the happiest person alive.

Not gonna lie, I would cry if I get comments on my fics, kudos and whatnot.

And of course, I’m a big slut for blessed gifts such as fanfics, edits, headcanons, art. Especially if made based on my fanfics when it comes to edits and art.

Because of the laptop situation, I’m considering setting up a ko-fi and then close it or retire it from my blog once I get shit sorted and fix my laptop or even get the chance to buy a new one. It’s not much what I need to get to the amount I need, this is why I’m considering getting it. I really don’t like asking for money, but sadly my economy is on the ground at the moment and I really need that laptop thingy. Still, I’m honestly just considering it.

~ REMINDERS

You don’t have to participate.

If you do, please don’t use the general tags when posting and/or talking about shippy stuff.

Use the hashtag #shyanpositiveparty for all your posts regarding the project! Why this tag? Because while it was inspired by my birthday, I would love for everyone to feel included. Put this tag on the first five tags of your post so the post will appear on it and we can all see it.

If posting stuff made especifically for my birthday, then please use the tag #nini’s bday 2k19 :)

Again, you DON’T have to participate.

I’m very aware that some people have no chill and may want to spoil the party by either sending me hate or other people, even inviding the tags. I recommend to everyone to not let them win. I will be blocking and blocking only, I don’t want to fight anyone on this day and I will not post anything negative regarding it.

I’m also prepared for the scenario in which no one may actually be interested on this. I will still post on these days what I have planned. Even if no one wants to do this, I still would love for the people I’ll be sending positive vibes to get them. It’s my birthday after all. I want it to be a happy one.

I still don’t know when my birthday party in real life may be, so that day I may not have much time to be around, but I will still programm my posts on that day and answer stuff on mobile. If I don’t, I’ll do it the next day, no problem at all.

If you missed a day and wanted to participate on it anyway, it doesn’t matter. Do it, please. Have fun with us.

~ POLLS

Last thing. I would love for your guys to help me decide a few things regarding this:

What is your favorite fanfiction by me (poetdameron)?

Should I set up a ko-fi?

That’s all. I’m sorry I made you guys read so much, but I really hope you want to participate! You can reblog this post so others can see it, that would be amazing. Thank you!

[yeti-zeus]

✨- which fictional character (book, show, or movie) do you relate to most? 🎂- if you had 3 wishes, what would they be? 🍩- current mood? 💬- what your last text message says?

1. hm maybe dirk gently? because i dress extremely brightly, have no idea whats going on ever, end up in really strange circumstances for unknown reasons (mine arent quite as weird but still) and am very gay

2. well i would overthink everything a ridiculous amount then probably wish on stuff like world peace and whatnot because id feel like shit wishing for anything that just benefited me if i had all that power

3. pretty good! i HATE the fireworks but at least this day is almost over 

4. “ha mines ‘non man gingerbread’” we were discussing our weirdest searches of the day

[orthographewrites]

✉ (for the trash in either timeline)

Send me a ‘✉’ for five times my muse didn’t text yours, and one time they did:

[text, unsent:] “ughhh sofia keeps trying to lecture me about safety and i love her a lot but its almost getting a little annoying??? like she keeps telling me she thinks im self destructive or something and that i NEED to calm down umm no??? its called LIVING shes just uptight :( ……. right?” 

[text, unsent:] “i wish i could give or find you enough of a reason to cut off your mom it really hurts to see you constantly down because of that horrid woman. but to that comes the whole deal of feeling dependent on someone doesnt it? you arent quite certain they deserve it but something keeps holding you back its a mess and a half”

[text, unsent:] “moan pkpl in this town im aft r supear nice?? two guys tried to qgive me a ride heom this evening but i couldnt understand their lasnugage and things would hivae mgotten lsuper awkward so i turned tuhem down :(( bles tehm” (aka they prob tried to kidnap him wow truly blessed)

[text, unsent:] “So, um, hello I know we haven’t spoken in ages as of now like what, eight months or something? I don’t think we have ever been silent for more than a month at a time and it feels pretty off, but I also can’t blame you for not wanting to contact me. I haven’t really tried to contact you either, after all, I have sort of… well, to cut it short I have been acting like an ass towards you and you deserve better than to get hit my some sort of attitude when all you ever do is care about me and my well-being. I guess I’m just writing this message because I miss you and I dare hope you’re better off than I am. I feel like I should have listened more than I did and I’m sorry I’m such a nuisance to you all the time, I quite frankly wouldn’t blame you if you chose to never talk to me again past this point. You already have a lot on your plate and I don’t want you to clean up another mess of mine which… is exactly why I shouldn’t be sending this shit off. I’m going to fix it myself, okay? Maybe once we get to the point of publishing this book Nik will be more willing to work with me rather than against me. I’ll try and talk you again once I reach that point, at least then I got something to show for it.” (bc how can i not pls dont hate me)

[text, unsent:] “is it bad that i almost wanna do one of those pacts with u when u like decide that if u havent gotten married in x years u just move in together or whatnot?? my love life is cursed marius :(( man i think im a little scared of being single and dying alone arent i”

[text, sent:] “heeeeeeeeeello!! just wanted to check and see if youd like to meet up this weekend?! i have some time to spare and i thought i could pass by berlin on my way to the next place its only for saturday tho but thats usually good enough for u right :)”

@alicemorganwrites

[mysticscanlations]

That Summer Chapter 148 Summary!

i was fed with beauty with chapter... but at what cost,,,,,

Jumi shows up at the blind date looking GOOD AF. I will also add that the 3 candidates for the blind date are all beautiful... Author-nim knows how to draw her men.

ST: Hello Jumi: Wow Jumi: all 3 of them are handsome.

Jumi sits down, mentally noting that all 3 of them are handsome. She and OS share like a telepathic moment, both agreeing at how good looking they all are LMAO.

One guy introduces himself, his name conveniently blurred out (i'm betting that either author-nim didn't want to confuse us with names that aren't important, or it's strategically like that to show that jumi was uninvested in the blind date that she didn't even bother remembering their names LOL).

Literally everyone is busy chatting up and sharing drinks while Jumi is sitting in her seat happily eating away at her food. There's a lot of chattering between the others, catching up on recent news and laughing together. Jumi's silent the whole time, either eating or drinking on her own T___T

ST: Cheers to the end of class-! SFX: Clink

Top ST: They got a scholarship this time— Bottom ST: Really? They already sent a notice out?

When they step outside, the second guy asks if Jumi has a boyfriend. Jumi's surprised by that, and the guy says that she looks like she has a boyfriend and just was forced to come here. He also introduces himself, name hidden. Jumi denies it, saying they broke up already. STOP THAT.

Another time skip, and Jumi's chilling outside when Man #3 approaches, asking to sit next to her. He introduces himself (surprise surprise no name) asking if she doesn't really like karaoke either. He also mentions that he broke up with his girlfriend not too long ago as well. Damn look at Jumi getting her own harem.... I’m proud of her :’)

Guy: Guess you don't really like karaoke -I'm the same. I'm actually tone-deaf, haha.

They return to the karaoke room later. OS asks where they went together, and Jumi says they just got some air. A queued up song starts, and OS asks who chose such a dull song. IT WAS JUMI SO STOP HATING.

Later that night, on the train home, Jumi gets a text from one of the guys asking if she got home safely. BR and OS note that the guys weren't bad, and OS says they should meet up again next week.

There's a text exchange between her and whichever guy, where he gives her music recommendations and they make idle chatter.

Guy: I found it's nice to listen to while you're sleeping. Jumi: Ooh, I'll listen to it. Guy: When are you sleeping?

The next morning, Jumi's sleeping the way I do, her phone still lying next to her as she gets up for classes. She's so adorable T___T

Mom: Tsk tsk -The sun's already in the middle of the sky.

On the way to school, Jumi's texting a guy (I highkey have no idea if it's the same guy from last night alksjal). Mystery Man says he's at school too, and complains about his club meeting going too long since he wants to eat. Jumi asks what club he's in, and he replies theater. She's surprised at that, and the guy smoothly plays along, saying they should go watch a play together sometime.

Jumi stares for a moment before typing out that she wants to go when someone comes up from behind, reaching for her. GOD, I WISH IT WAS WHO I THOUGHT IT WAS.

Jumi whips around, having the same heart attack I did, but it's only SH. The guy's almost more surprised than her, and notes how noticeably disappointed she was that it was him LOL.

SH: You scared me -I think I'm more surprised than you.

They go out for a meal, and SH notes how they barely see each other anymore, since things got awkward within their friend circle. He asks how she's doing, since he heard that she broke up with her boyfriend, and encourages her to eat up to get strength.

Jumi's surprised, wondering how he found out. He says he just did, and Jumi figures OS and BR told him. SH simply says that even if they didn't tell him, he knows lots of things about her... Like the fact that she went on that blind date yesterday with the Player Trio (of course they're all players... why am I not surprised)

SH: I found out. Jumi: Did Oh Soo and Bo Ram tell you?

Jumi's shook that he knows all this, asking how he knew that. SH literally goes “idk I just found out too” LMAO. Turns out he was reading an anonymous school forum on his phone, where people are commenting all over about Jumi and YW's relationship. Mostly because YW's so good looking and how she's so plain in comparison SMH imma fight them all. One of the commenters mentioned seeing her on the blind date, so they figured Jumi and YW broke up.

Comment: That guy is seriously one in a million, what a shame. Comment: I'm sure the girl has some charm, too. Comment: According to a sunbae in the Economics department, she doesn't particularly stand out. Comment: It's break, what's everyone doing? Comment: Why hasn't the Perfect Face School Gate Guy shown up ㅠ Comment: Did he go to the military ㅜㅜㅜ Comment: They probably broke up. Comment: I saw her in DaxRo yesterday having a blind date with guys from PE department. SH: The anonymous forum is going crazy. SH: Why'd you go and date a celebrity, now you're a civilian growing in popularity

SH says she's basically a celebrity now, so she should lay low if she doesn't want rumors flying around like this. He warns her to be careful about the Trio too, since they probably read the forums as well. Jumi, meanwhile, is peeved that people are spreading pictures of her around without consent, saying she's gonna report them LOL.

Later on, Jumi sends a text to all 3 of the guys, apologizing and saying that she's gonna be busy and focus on her GPA, so she won't be able to meet with any of them. She hopes things are still good with them, though, and hopes they can greet each other at school and whatnot.

Turns out Jumi wanted to leave them all on read, but she was worried they might post on the anonymous forum exposing her for leaving them all on read, so she just sent that message as a formality LOL this poor child where tf is HB I need him back here ASAP,,,

[derangedroyalfae]

May 27, 2019 3:20PM

I was feeling lonely and suffocated. I had just been around people, but it was probably what made the loneliness worse. When the people you’re with don’t make you feel included or like you don’t connect with them. Besides, I hardly consider drunk people as people worth having conversations with. They’re incoherent and random, filterless and unaware.

Last night, sometime in the evening while light was still out, I thought I would hang out with my family for a little in the hot tub. They’re always inviting me and I’m usually declining, so I thought maybe I would give them some time (even if I was invited this time around). I planned on sitting in the hot tub for only a little while, going inside to eat dinner, and then cleaning the house as a surprise birthday gift for my ma since it’s her birthday today. Immediately upon coming out, Bunny and my ma were elated, my ma especially, and ushered me in, invasively grabbing me and hugging me as soon as they could and spouting random nonsense. It didn’t take me long to realize these two blonde women were fucking drunk. My dad was out there too and the entire time I was out there, he was either being affectionate with his wife, or like me, trying to dodge being in the middle of the cat fights. My ma and sister had kept playfully getting at each other’s throat, a whole “I’ll throw you in if you to the pool if piss me off” mentality but in a jesting way. Haphazardly they’d slap at each other’s breast and get in each other’s face and have conversations posing as arguments that hadn’t needed to be a thing. At one point, they tried talking about how men don’t understand what it’s like having periods/ovaries, and at the same, women don’t understand having testicles (to which my tranny-ass was tempted to say something, but that’s just the exception, not the rule, right?) and around that point I was not wanting to put my hunger off any longer and decided to go in. When I started to leave, they were upset and asking me to stay, to which I responded I was hungry so they ushered me to bring my food out. They also insisted this was a good conversation for me to listen to. …THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT I STUDY: sex and gender. This is a MAJORITY of my conversations at school, maybe not only specifically those sex organs, but it’s the same topic. Besides, I would be fine having that conversation if it wasn’t sloppy-ass drunk people who were more rambling than conversing. I wasn’t having fun anyway.

Around 8PM is when I finally got inside the house to eat. While I was eating, I began making preparations for cleaning and mixed a pre-made salad for my ma since she asked me. My dad eventually came in too and began watching things on the TV, mainly a comedy firefighter show. No one seemed to be aware of what I was doing. A couple times, my ma and Bunny came in, but they were still soaking wet and obviously didn’t even try to dry off before hand. They were mainly coming in for split moments just to get something or whatnot. They leaked all over the place, I had to use a couple of towels to dry up the floor to keep myself from slipping and falling. After a while, I finished my cleaning (dishes, vacuuming, mopping, etc) and went upstairs, debating if I should start getting ready for bed.

I went into my bathroom and immediately closed the door, locked it, and then sat in front of it. My mood was all wonked and I felt lonesome. I didn’t want to be in this household anymore. It’s not like things are terrible, it’s not really abusive (aside one family member on an emotional/mental level), but I just didn’t want to live here. But the one place I want to live, I cannot, and it’s mainly because my metamour moved in, and she’s taking it for granted. I would have been able to get over my petty jealousy if she wasn’t taking her situation, the situation I wanted (at the beginning of this semester, I was going to talk to my girlfriends about the possibility of moving in with them over summer, but then my metamour officially moved in during January/February and thus there was no space for me to as well), for granted, and in doing so, hurting our girlfriend. I’ve gotten to a point where I honestly do not like my metamour, I’m only polite and chill around her for my girlfriend’s sake. She’s rude, inconsiderate, and has no manners. I do not like her, and it’s not just the jealousy speaking. My metamour sounds as though she’s moving out soon, but it feels wrong to immediately be like “can I move in” once she leaves, as I’m sure it will be too much resemblance of her moving in and my living environment isn’t bad enough to move in. Issues with my metamour aside, on the bathroom floor, I was desperate to find someone to talk to. Neither of my girlfriends were showing to be online and neither was my best friend. Besides, I felt like talking on a phone more than anything. I hate text. It was after 10:30, so I knew Kitty would probably be awake, but Hummingbird already announced she was off to bed. 

Suddenly, arguing between my family from downstairs started happening and I got nervous. At 10:39PM, I tried calling Kitty, but there was no answer (it didn’t even feel like it rang enough times). I tried making conversations with people on tinder, but kept in mind that it was getting late. At 10:42PM, I called up Hummingbird and got her on the phone for about 6min. Immediately fear and shakiness poured out of my voice when she answered. I was honest and told her what was happening, how I was lonely but something was happening downstairs. I couldn’t even pinpoint which blonde was fighting with my dad, but it was clearly one or both of the two from the hot tub and my father. I was eventually able to figure that all three were arguing, but not sure who’s side anyone was on or what the basis was. I didn’t let the conversation with Hummingbird drag on since I thought I was being paranoid and this would blow over soon and I knew she was trying to go to bed. I wished her a goodnight and hung up.

Shortly after, I saw Kitty was online, so I messaged her:

Royal (05/26 10:51 PM) Were you away from your phone? Kitty (10:51 PM) It didn't even ring? It's right next to me Hummingbird picked hers up, I heard you sounded upset What's going on? Royal (10:52 PM) Weird, I called it I don’t know I don’t know what’s going on At first I was lonely but then shit started to happen

It didn’t take long for Kitty to call me (10:53PM). She stayed on the phone with me for nearly 2hrs. Near the beginning, Hummingbird even messaged me:

Hummingbird (05/26 11:00 PM) I couldn't make out majority of what you said on the phone. If you need us we are here. Kitty is still up if you need to talk. If you need to get out, just say the word. I'm worried and I love you

Most of my phone conversation with Kitty was me relaying what was happening as it was happening. I also did let her in on my feelings of being alone. At one point, my ma tried yelling at everyone that we’re being kicked out and have 30 days to go. She then said she’d give up 60 days to be generous. My dad kept trying to reason with them but in a very argumentative and aggressive way. I found it dumb that he kept trying to make a drunk person listen and understand. I was often shaken and crying during most of it, but somewhere around the hour and half mark it was just frustrating and annoying to hear them arguing in cycles and cycles and cycles and cycles. You know what happens with you push a revolving door? It spins. They had moments where they’d go quiet and then just start back up again. My father yelled and screamed at the two of them to go, so my ma had decided to listen and told Bunny to pack up some stuff since they were going to go to a hotel. Bunny was hysterical and crying like crazy. At one point, I poked out of there and said “Please tell me neither of you are planning on driving.” Bunny immediately got on the defensive and jumped up and aggressively charged at me, screaming how I don’t even have a license and yadiyada on how I can’t say shit. My ma was fast to try and stop her and continued to usher her to get packed up. I rushed back into my bathroom as soon as I could. I of course was letting Kitty in on everything as it happened, as I was still on the phone with her at that point. It shocked me that Bear hadn’t gotten involved or that my niece didn’t have a reaction from all the yelling and screaming. 

Bear at some point did finally texted, about an hour after things got heated:

Bear (05/26 11:50 PM) How are you holding up?

Royal (05/26 11:50 PM) Trying to make sure ma or Bunny don’t drunk drive

Ma said to Bunny that they’re going to a hotel

So I’m listening in

(11:56 PM) There’s a huge part of me that really wants to call 911

But I don’t know

I don’t trust them anymore

I never know when people are going to get violent or hurt themself anymore

Bear (05/27 12:02 AM) I completely understand

Kitty was able to hear a lot of the yelling and screaming over the phone, though I doubt she could make out what they were saying. I know there were lots of “I HATE YOU,” “YOU’RE THE ASSHOLE,” and like exclamations. There were several times where I was concerned by ways they were saying and reacting to stuff, like there might have been a weapon or harm of oneself involved. I remembering breaking down on a different part of my bathroom floor, crying to Kitty how I wished they would all stop hurting. How I wish my dad knew he was appreciated and no one hate him. How I wished Bunny didn’t hate herself so much she always felt under attack and the need to be on the defensive. How I wished my ma wasn’t so miserable that she felt the need to drink so much. My dad actually tried saying to my ma that if she didn’t stop drinking, he wanted a divorce. Whilst, is something I can get behind, not best to try getting a drunk person to agree with. The entire time, I kept fighting the urge to tell Kitty to come get me right that second. It wasn’t going to be easy to get out without walking past all of them. My bedroom and bathroom is the farthest point from the stair’s opening and where most of this was happening (my parent’s room, Bunny’s room hallway area, the top of the stairs) was my only route to get downstairs and outside. It sounded like my ma was determined to leave with Bunny anyway, so it felt like overreacting if I were to leave too. Kitty tried to tell me that I shouldn’t feel unsafe in my own house, to which I tried arguing back how that wasn’t what was going on. I was scared for everyone else’s safety. After someone has almost been shot, after someone broke a glass bottle with the intent of turning it into a weapon, after someone has charged my door in an argument I was no involved in, after someone has tried killing and hurting themselves on multiple occasions, after someone has threatened to hurt themself to get their way, after someone has offered the gesture of hurting themself to make a point…I just can’t trust them anymore. When things had been quiet for a good while, I finally snuck myself into my room and let Kitty go. She reassured me that she would message me on Discord right away since we were having a hard time hearing/understanding each other with bad signals on both sides.

After some time passed, she hadn’t messaged nor shown any signs of being online and I could hear my parents talking again. I pressed myself against the wall to listen and messaged her:

Royal (05/27 12:55 AM) Sounds like they’re trying again, but less aggressively

My ma is still obviously drunk

I never want to be with someone I would argue with like this

Well shit...the irony is...now that I’m in my room, I have to go pee 😶

Royal (1:10 AM) My dad’s asking my mom not to leave, I think it’s mainly cuz he knows she’s drunk

I think she’s going to go

I think she’s going to get behind a wheel when drunk

I don’t know what to do

Why didn’t my dad plea more

Sounds like Bear is now involved

I think he just went downstairs to stop her too

I’m scared

That my ma might try to harm herself should she leave

But I’m just a coward hiding in my room

I don’t know what to do

I’m going out there

By this point in time, I had texted Bear “Ma is going to drive while drunk with Bunny“ around 1:16AM and I think that’s when she got involved. I went pass Bunny and down the stairs and into a point out of view.

Kitty (1:31 AM) I don't think you're a coward, they shouldn't be making you feel this scared to be around them

Royal (1:31 AM) I AM NOT SCARED FOR MYSELF

I AM LEGIT SCARED THAT MY MOM MIGHT BE DEAD IN THE NEXT 24HRS

Kitty (1:32 AM) Understood...

Royal (1:32 AM) I’m out here to make sure she does not step foot out that door

I honestly have no clue what the hell is going on down here...

My dad is doing something with a lift thingy

Taking something outside or bringing something in

I have no clue

My mom is sitting on the couch like a pouty child

Wine bottles???

I’m at a complete lost right now

I’ll tell you one thing: I will knock my mom unconscious if that’s what it takes to keep her from drunk driving

I know she can’t out run me with her bad knee

Kitty (1:38 AM)That's probably for the best...

What about wine bottles?

Royal (1:39 AM) I don’t even know my dude...I think my dad is bringing in wine bottles from outside but I honestly don’t have a fucking clue

Kitty (1:39 AM) O.o

Royal (1:39 AM) Holy wine cellar

Wait

I think he’s taking it OUT

He got rid of the wine cellar

Or is he bringing it in? But how did it get put in the first place? It’s iron and heavy...

Wine cage, whatever you want to call it

Bunny was just sitting upstairs by the railing with her head down, but I think she came down

My niece is crying hysterically

He’s bringing it in

Kitty (1:43 AM) :/

This is just a really weird scene

Royal (1:43 AM) But it looks like it was mostly emptied

Yeah, I have no idea how to accurately describe it

No, it still has a lot of wine in it, just the top part was emptied

My niece is very unhappy

I want to go in there and hold her

Kitty (1:44 AM) With all the yelling? I bet...

Royal (1:45 AM) But there hasn’t been any yelling for nearly an hour

She only now started

It looks like he’s bringing in crates too or something

Wine crates

My niece is quiet again

Bunny is starting to cry again, silently

My niece started again too

Kitty (1:47 AM) My first thought is he's going to dump them all

Royal (1:48 AM) It’s a scenario where it seems like he’s doing something to make a point to please her

Not to made a point to spite her

Kitty (1:49 AM) Hmm..

I only figured because of the "quit drinking or divorce" line earlier

Royal (1:50 AM) He’s already apologized for saying certain stuff while angry

Mainly about “getting out”

So at least I know neither of the blondes can try to sneak out right now, the 3 ways out (not including Bear’s room) are either in my sight or right by my dad

He’s putting the wine back into the cellar, I think the top portion was missing to make it lighter and not top heavy

Looks like my mom dozed off on the couch, my dad tried waking her to asking her to go to bed

My dad went to bed

I’m going to wait it out a little

It almost seems like they might still be planning on leaving, I can’t tell

Alright, maybe not

I think my mom is getting situated on the couch to sleep

Ok, I think it’s over for real

At least for tonight

I’m in my bed again

Kitty (2:01 AM) kk

You going to be able to sleep after all that?

Royal (2:02 AM) Who knows

Luna is here though, purring loudly as she’s snuggled up to me

My little guardian angel

Sweet li’l familiar

Kitty (2:03 AM) She's a good kitty

I had fallen asleep eventually, not sure what time, and woke up several times in the morning at decent hours. But I didn’t want to get up or do anything. Part of me just wanted to sleep today away, my ma’s birthday or not (also Memorial Day).

Hummingbird also messaged me to check on me this morning:

Hummingbird (05/27 9:17 AM) How are you doing? Royal (10:58 AM) I dumbly had the notion earlier this morning to try sleeping the day away Did Kitty catch you up on everything? Hummingbird (11:00 AM) yes she did. I now I want to steal you away even more ❤ Royal (11:01 AM) It’s been quiet all morning Hummingbird (11:01 AM) I bet, especially after the events last  night Royal (11:01 AM) Sorry I never responded to your messages last night, I was on the phone with Kitty Hummingbird (11:04 AM) np.  I was just worried. I was worried and  asked Kitty to reach out to you, hoping that she could hear better. Royal (11:05 AM) I feel like I need a “days since last incident” sign We had been doing relatively well I was at a point where I wasn’t scared for myself but everyone else And if I wasn’t there and something happened... I was physically safe But I wasn’t sure if someone would hurt themself (or stupidly do something that would hurt someone else) And my ma came very close to drunk driving Hummingbird (11:07 AM) yikes Royal (11:10 AM) Bear didn’t make any effort if anything until an hour in and it was her texting me to see how I was holding up, but then took forever to text back and when she did it was just a “I understand” in response to telling her I was contemplating calling 911, and then I think she got involved again after the 2hr mark after I told her that I thought ma was actually going to drive, but that seemed short lived anyway After everything went quiet, my niece had a reaction Hummingbird (11:22 AM) wow, that sounds intense Royal (11:22 AM) Kitty was able to actually hear the screaming and yelling at some points Hummingbird (11:27 AM) yeah, she mentioned that Royal (11:28 AM) Probably shatters the imagery of how quiet my dad is 😅 Hummingbird (11:28 AM) just a smidge

I don’t even know if Kitty and Hummingbird would want to come over today (as they were invited previously since it’s my ma’s birthday), but I don’t want to be left home alone with them but I don’t want to ditch either. I don’t know what to expect from the rest of the day. Everything is going on with my fam like none of this ever happened, as per usual.