#(singing is amazing. every day my range changes and I sound more like myself. I feel the vibrations in my chest and it feels like home)

[soupacool]

congrats on taking T and experiencing voice changes, that's so exciting!! 🥳🥳✨✨

thank you!!! it's been a period of intense learning of myself and my place in the world and I wouldn't trade it for anything

[yournameoneverypage]

When You're Ready

Reader request: Shawn Mendes x (y/n). "Shawn is on tour and invites the reader to the show so he can ask her to be his girlfriend and he sings When You're Ready, but Camila shows up and the reader is convinced that it's for C and not for her."

Word Count: ~3.7

Notes: Mostly fluff with brief moments of angst, and a smut ending.

Warnings: NSFW

~ * ~

(Y/n) stood at baggage claim at LAX, waiting for her blush-colored suitcase to roll by on the carousel. She was going to be in California for almost a week. Why? Well, her best friend was Shawn Mendes and he was currently on tour. He was missing her something fierce, he had said, and he wanted her to come see him.

Shawn had two sold out shows, consecutive nights, at the Staples Center followed by a show in San Francisco three days later, so why not make a week of it? His idea, but the second he mentioned it she was on board. She’d figure it out, find a way to make it work.

Any time she got to spend with him was both treasured and torturous. But she would go through the pain and heartache over and over again if it meant nearly a week with her most favorite person.

See, the thing was, (y/n) had been in love with Shawn for nearly as long as she had known him.

~ * ~

After retrieving her bag, (y/n) went in search of her driver. Shawn had said he or she would be holding a sign with her name on it. Shawn had a few interviews to do that morning, so (y/n) would be taken to his hotel to wait for him to finish, and then they’d have the entire afternoon and evening to spend together.

Aside from the aforementioned interviews, this was a day off for Shawn and he wanted to make the most of it because the Staples Center shows were the following two nights, and there wouldn’t be much down time during the days with soundchecks, meet and greets, and Q&As before showtime. Fortunately they would have more time to spend together between LA and San Francisco.

(Y/n) located her driver, who smiled brightly and introduced himself as John. He took her bag and engaged her in friendly chatter as he led her toward an idling Range Rover.

Who left a vehicle like this idling curbside at the airport?

John opened the rear passenger door for her with a knowing grin. (Y/n) started to climb in before she even noticed him.

“Shawn!” She almost tipped over into his lap reaching across the seat to hug him.

“Surprise, babe!” he chuckled into her ear.

“You’re here!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t collect you myself, but as much as I love my fans, I didn’t want to get stuck here for a half an hour taking selfies.”

“I thought you were in interviews all morning.”

“I was. I was hoping to come with John to pick you up, but I honestly didn’t know how long all the interviews were going to take so I didn’t want you to be disappointed if I said I would be here but then wasn’t.”

He was always so thoughtful; it was one of the many, many things (y/n) loved about him. She linked her hand with his between them, squeezed, and smiled. “I missed you.”

With a grin, he leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Missed you, too. So much. I’m so happy you’re here,” he breathed.

~ * ~

The day flew by way too quickly.

Once Shawn got (y/n) checked in and settled at the hotel, in a room that adjoined his, they grabbed lunch at one of Shawn’s favorite places.

It was (y/n)’s first ever visit to Los Angeles. Shawn had asked her if there were any specific things that were on her must do/see list, and he’d take care of everything.

They visited the Griffith Observatory, and strolled down the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

(Y/n) thought, and Shawn agreed, that too much attention might be drawn to them if he was spotted along Venice Beach or the Santa Monica Pier, as he had already been approached a few times during their activities earlier in the day. (Y/n) had been understanding and supportive of him spending a few minutes chatting with his fans and taking photos. She actually took a few of the photos herself.

Another day, he promised.

Instead, they spent a good part of the late afternoon and early evening at the Getty Center Museum.

They had dinner in Little Tokyo, followed by drinks at a tiki bar. Only one for (y/n) because she was a lightweight and tiki drinks were known to be quite strong. Shawn stopped after two, as he had a full day the next day and didn’t want to risk waking up with a hangover.

Back at the hotel, freshly showered, in pajamas, and in Shawn’s room, stretched out on his king-sized bed, Shawn and (y/n) ordered something from room service to share.

Even though they had chosen a movie to watch, they were too busy talking and laughing to pay much attention to the television.

~ * ~

Staples Center, Day One, had (y/n) immersed in the thick of things with Shawn, his band, and his crew. She knew only a few of them and was introduced to many more. Her laminated pass was the same as what everyone else had, giving her access to anything and anywhere she wished.

She soaked up as much as possible.

Shawn didn’t always attend soundcheck with his band, but for (y/n) he definitely wanted to be there so she could fully experience it. She stayed backstage, chatting with Shawn’s people while he did his meet and greet photos. She sat in on his Q&A session but stayed unobtrusively toward the back of the room. She could talk to him whenever she wanted; this was his fans’ time with him.

The concert was unbelievable, as (y/n) knew it would be. Shawn always left his heart and gratitude on stage.

That night they were in (y/n)’s room, she on one of the doubles, Shawn in the other. He was still a little high on adrenaline, asking her how she enjoyed the day, and especially how she enjoyed the show.

She knew it wouldn’t be long before he completely crashed out. When he did, he was still in her room.

~ * ~

Staples Center, Day Two, was much the same, although they started the day with Shawn dragging (y/n) to the gym to work out with him. They also skipped soundcheck to get lost together in the backstage corridors.

The closer it came to showtime, the more anxious Shawn seemed to get. He had a different vibe about him than he had the night before.

While eating dinner, (y/n) asked him if everything was alright. He assured her everything was amazing; it just felt like something big was about to happen and he hoped it would turn out to be a good kind of big.

~ * ~

Again, the show was absolutely incredible, although after the song he normally ended with, before acknowledging his band and going into the encore, he tried to quiet the deafening audience with a finger pressed against his lips.

Of course, it was futile. He just laughed, somewhat nervously, and said, “This song is for someone very special to me. Someone who is here tonight. I want her to know how I feel about her...”

That seemed to get everyone’s attention.

Shawn found (y/n) in the audience, met her eyes, and smiled adoringly.

Maybe I had too many drinks But that's just what I needed I hope that you don't think that what I'm saying sounds conceited When I look across the room, and you're staring right back at me Like somebody told a joke and we're the only ones laughin'

(Y/n)’s heart started thumping. He couldn’t be singing this for her, could he...? He had never expressed any interest in her as more than a friend. Had he?

Don't know why I tried 'Cause ain't nobody like you Familiar disappointment every single time I do Every single night my arms are not around you My mind's still wrapped around you

A couple of girls beside (y/n) bent their heads together and pointed to something or someone standing to the side of the stage. Shawn seemed to notice, as she had, and looked toward the side stage.

She followed his line of vision to see Camila standing there, beaming brightly. She put her fingertips to her lips and blew him a big kiss.

(Y/n) didn’t notice, over the dizzying blood rush in her head, that Shawn seemed to stumble a little through the chorus.

Baby, tell me when you're ready I'm waitin' Baby, any time you're ready I'm waitin'

Even ten years from now If you haven't found somebody I promise, I'll be around Tell me when you're ready I'm waitin'

He glanced once more toward Camila, but just as quickly his smile settled again in (y/n)’s direction. His voice steadied and grew stronger.

What if my dad is right When he says that you're the one No, I can't even argue I won't even fight him on it Call you when it's late And I know that you're in bed 'Cause I'm three hours back Seems like you're always six ahead

(Y/n) smiled back, although it seemed more reflexive than genuine, as her heart was currently crumbling to pieces. She tried her hardest to be happy for her best friend and the woman he was currently confessing his feelings for, on stage, in front of everyone.

Don't know why I tried 'Cause ain't nobody like you Familiar disappointment every single time I do Every single night my arms are not around you My mind's still wrapped around you

Baby, tell me when you're ready I'm waitin' Baby, any time you're ready I'm waitin'

Even ten years from now If you haven't found somebody I promise, I'll be around Tell me when you're ready I'm waitin', yeah

And if I have to, I'll wait forever Say the word and I'll change my plans Yeah, you know that we fit together I know your heart like the back of my hand...

Before the song ended, overwhelmed, unable to continue her façade, (y/n) had slipped from the crowd and backstage.

She wasn’t sure where to go once she was backstage. She was fighting back tears, so her vision was blurry, but she didn’t want to stop to ask anyone how to get out of the venue because they might ask why she was crying and then it would all turn into one big mess.

A voice from behind her asked, “You’re Shawn’s friend, right? Are you looking for his dressing room?” Was she? Would she be able to face him after his encore and bows?

“Yes, please,” she found herself answering.

“End of the corridor, turn right, first door on the left.”

(Y/n) nodded her thanks and began to follow the directions she was given. She wasn’t sure if it would be the first or last place anyone would be looking for her.

~ * ~

Shawn burst into his dressing room, out of breath from the end of his show and running around looking for (y/n). Incredibly relieved to see her, he gasped, “Are you okay? What happened?? You just disappeared!”

“I’m sorry. I just needed a few minutes.”

“In the middle of the most important song of the night?”

Her voice cracked. “I said I was sorry.” And she was. She should have stayed till the end. “I was caught off guard.”

“Oh no, babe. Shit! I’m sorry, (y/n). I overwhelmed you, didn’t I? I shouldn’t have made it so public. It should have been a private conversation. Forgive me?” he whispered.

“Of course. You’re my best friend and I’m happy for you,” she smiled softly, truly. And she was. His happiness meant more to her than anything else. It was just going to take some time to refortify her heart. “I wish you and Camila the best.”

“Camila?” Little wrinkles formed between his eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”

“What do you mean, what am I talking about?” she puffed.

Suddenly Shawn started laughing.

(Y/n) placed her hands in the center of his chest and pushed him away, unamused.

He caught her wrists and pulled her to him. “I wasn’t singing that song for her.” He placed her hands over his heart and covered them with his own. “I was singing it for you, my beautiful, clueless, wonderful, precious love.”

“What?” she exhaled.

“I finished singing and looked for your eyes, only to find you gone.”

“I don’t understand,” she whispered.

“I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend. Not Camila. You, (y/n). In front of the entire Staples Center audience. Why did you think I wanted Camila?”

“You kept looking at her side stage.”

“I glanced at her twice,” he contended, lightheartedly. “I was surprised. I didn’t expect her to be here tonight. It’s true that she recently told me she has deeper feelings for me-”

“And you have always had feelings for her.”

“I had feelings for her. Past tense. Before I met you. Are you really arguing with me about how I feel about you?” he smirked.

“But you didn’t sing that song last night, when Camila wasn’t here.”

“You are!” he laughed again.

“Stop laughing!” she exclaimed, unable to stop herself from giggling, her heart blooming with hope. She then whispered, “Did you really mean it?”

“Oh, darling...

“If I had professed my feelings last night and you had turned me down, I don’t think I would have been able to get through tonight. Telling you tonight, when there were three days before San Francisco, would have either given us time to disappear together for a few days, or would have given me time to sort myself out if you didn’t want me the way I want you.

“Please tell me you want me.”

(Y/n) wanted to scream, yes, I want you!, but instead she teased, trying to keep a straight face, “I don’t know. Any boyfriend of mine has to be a good kisser. Are you a good kisser?”

“I am a fantastic kisser,” he grinned. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and slid his hand to the nape of her neck.

“Prove it.”

His other hand circled her waist, fell against the small of her back. He leaned in, watched her eyelids flutter, then close, and gently guided her lips to his.

She had imagined this moment for so long but it was much more than she had ever expected. Thousands of thoughts were forced away to make room for one single idea. How could one kiss cause the world to fall away around her?

“Shawn,” she said, breathless, easing away.

“Still proving it,” he murmured. He softly licked at the seam of her lips, and when she responded he deepened their kiss. Her heart was pounding, and she was warm from head to toe. She felt his tongue meet hers and her entire body began to hum.

Their knees were weak when their lips separated.

Shawn touched his nose to hers. “Well...?”

“I will be more than happy to kiss you all night long, but only after you take a shower,” she giggled.

~ * ~

(Y/n) knocked on the adjoining door. She didn’t wait for a response before letting herself through.

Shawn was leaning against the dresser, partly sitting on it, phone to his ear, wearing nothing but baggy, cotton pajama pants. His chest and feet were bare. By his side of the conversation, (y/n) grasped that they were talking about the plan for the days leading up to San Francisco.

He held his hand out to her in invitation. His legs fell open and she automatically moved into the V they made. He ended his call, set his cell aside, and placed his large hands on her hips.

“So, about what you said... Something about kissing me all night long?”

She moved even closer to him. One of her hands curled around the back of his neck, the other tangled in his still damp curls. The roughened pads of his thumbs caressed the bare, soft skin just above the waistband of her pajama shorts.

She kissed him, tenderly at first, and then with growing intensity. He gently bit her top lip, sucked it, her teeth tugged on his lower lip. His kiss was determined and sent her head spinning. She began to tremble as she clung to him.

Shawn’s lips slowed and softened; he eased away and breathed, “I’ve already waited so long; we can take our time.” He slid his hands further up (y/n)’s sides, under her shirt. “We don’t have to rush into anything. I can wait for you.” She felt his thumbs brush either side of her breasts.

She started trailing tiny kisses from his chin up along his jawline before touching the tip of her tongue to the lobe of his ear. “I don’t want to wait,” she purred.

“Oh, thank God,” he groaned before again pressing hungry lips to hers.

She responded without hesitation.

Her hands trailed down his chest and to his sides, her fingers playing over the ripples of his stomach. She brushed her knuckles against the start of his arousal and his breath hitched, cupped him through thin cotton.

He arched his pelvis against the heat of her palm and she heard a low, rumbling moan from the back of his throat. He tangled a hand in her hair, tugged gently. He bit down on the skin of her clavicle, sucked, soothed it with his tongue.

She pulled away from his mouth. “Shawn!” she scolded, playfully, chuckled, “You’re going to leave a mark!”

“Good. Show everyone you’re mine. Mark you everywhere. But this,” he smirked, kissing the already purpling bloom, “will be the only one people can see.”

“Fuck,” she sighed. His claim on her made a shiver trickle up her spine.

“If you insist,” he grinned, smugly.

Feeling bold and sexy, she hooked a fingertip in the waistband of his pajama bottoms and starting walking backward. He stood to his full height and followed.

(Y/n) felt the backs of her legs hit the mattress. With fluid movement, she slid her shorts down, stepped out of them, and pulled her camisole up and over her head. She stood before him in small lace panties, breasts bare, nipples tight.

The way he looked upon her made her blood thrum, her body flush. He licked his lips, bit softly on the fuller, lower one.

His hand reached out and cupped one of her breasts. He gently tugged at her nipple, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. Instinctively, her hand slipped between her legs, at her core, and she rubbed herself through the damp lace. His nostrils flared when he caught the scent of her arousal. He whimpered, her name falling like a prayer from his lips.

“I wanna see you,” (y/n) purred.

Obeying, oh so eagerly, Shawn pushed his pants down, over his ass, off, his cock bouncing free, filling, curling up toward his stomach right before her eyes. He wrapped thumb and forefinger around the base, his other fingers pressed flush against his scrotum.

“Been thinking about me like this?” he hummed.

Yes. God, yes. Maybe one day she would tell him just how much. It was her turn to lick her lips and bite the lower one.

They fell together onto the bed in a tangle of limbs and with a crash of lips. When they separated to catch their breath, (y/n) reached over to turn off the bedside lamp.

“Nuh-uh, Sugar,” Shawn rasped. “Waited too long for this.” Voice rough with desire he sang softly, “I wanna love you with the lights on, keep you up all night long... Darling, I wanna see every inch of you, I get lost in the way you move...”

She might have giggled if her panties weren’t being drawn down over her hips, if calloused fingertips hadn’t begun to dance along soft, hot, electrified skin, lips and tongue following.

He took a dusky, peaked nipple into his mouth. Her back arched, hands grasping at the sheets at her sides, and moaned softly. He sucked her other nipple into his mouth, tasting, humming.

“Shawn,” she whined, moving a hand to tangle it in his dark curls, tugging him away from her breasts.

“Tell me what you want, Love.”

“I want you. I need you,” she pleaded.

“What was that?”

“Fuck me, Shawn.”

“Mm... Since you asked so sweetly,” he smirked, stroking his cock. He rolled on a condom and moved to rest between her legs.

She reached between them, taking him in her hand, and he shuddered. She wanted to feel the moment he slid into her. He let her guide him. Their eyes met and held, bodies drew together, foreheads touched. She groaned with deep satisfaction into his mouth as she adjusted to his girth and length.

He wheezed, stilled as he bottomed out. She was so tight around him that if he began to move in that moment it would be over too soon.

“You okay there, Mendes?” she purred and imperceptibly tightened her legs around his waist.

“Oh God.” That tiny shift was almost too much. “You feel so good. Too good,” he mumbled. “I need a minute.” His arms on either side of her, holding his weight above her, he buried his lips in the crook of her neck, centered on the scent of her skin as he salvaged control.

One hand again tangled in in his hair, the other stroked the skin of his upper back.

“Okayokay,” he mumbled, and he began to rock into her, slow... rhythmic... deep.

She gasped when the pebbled nubs of her breasts brushed against his taut nipples. Her whimpers and groans mingled with his rumbles and moans. She was torn between closing her eyes and wanting to watch his face as warmth and pleasure coursed through her.

He wanted her to climax before him. Wanted to watch her fall apart beneath him.

He knew she was nearly there when she began to ripple on the bed like a wave on the sea. The tide came all the way up; he was caught in the rush. And then the knot at the root of his cock dissolved in fire and he was falling fast, craving the feel of her so close to him, unsure where he ended and she began.

( FIN )

~ * ~

@theregoesmyherojd @benito-mi-vida @shawn-is-my-giant-jellybean @mendesblurb

[ladykissingfish]

The Akatsuki at Karaoke Night

Being a group of insatiable killers is hard work, even in the best of circumstances. Like anybody else, the Akatsuki is constantly seeking out ways to unwind and de-stress during their off time. One day Konan goes out and comes back excited; a local tavern hosts a karaoke night every week. The others are reluctant at first, but this quickly becomes one of their new favorites pastimes. Drinking, eating, singing; what could be more fun than that?

Deidara

Has to be really drunk to get up on stage and sing. Like, incredibly drunk. Like how-is-he-still-standing-drunk. When in this state, there’s one song that he’ll sing and one song only: “I’m A Barbie Girl.” Nobody in the Akatsuki knows why he chooses this particular song, but everyone has to admit that it suits him. He’ll take his hair out of his ponytail and have it cascading down his back, he’ll tie up his shirt in a front knot, and, if she’s wearing them, will borrow Konan’s heels to wear. And he’ll always try and drag Sasori on stage with him to sing the parts of Ken (C’mon, Danna! You’re literally like a doll, hm!), but Sasori will only comply if he’s in a really good mood/there’s not that many people around. Despite his intoxication he’ll actually sing beautifully, so much so that he’ll receive requests for encores; which he’ll do, until the booze catches up with him and he falls head-first off the stage and into someone’s (usually Tobi’s) lap. Won’t remember a thing the next day and feverishly insist that he’s never even heard of “some weird Barbie song”.

EDIT:: After days of this being on my mind I can also believe that Deidara would sing “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood(?) and stare directly at Sasori the entire time even though they’re not really dating they‘re “in a situation” and even though if they WERE dating Sasori isn’t the cheating kind but he’s listening to the lyrics and noting how intensely Deidara is singing it and his face is just 😳

Sasori

He only goes because the others insist that he does. Honestly, this guy has a severe allergy to anything Fun. Chances are he’ll bring one of his puppets with him to work on/modify. He mostly refuses to get on stage and sing any songs of his own, BUT he’ll use his chakra strings to control his puppet and have it dance along on stage to a song of his choosing, that he has one of the other members sing for the puppet (giving them a taste of ventriloquism). The song he likes his performers to do most frequently is “Dancing With Myself” by Billy Joel; this must be his favorite song because he always silently mouths along to it as it plays. If literally nobody else is there besides the rest of the Akatsuki, he sometimes “makes” Deidara join him for a duet; he’s particularly fond of “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” by Elton John, although he and Deidara always fight over who sings the part of the girl.

Tobi

It’s dangerous to let Tobi sing in front of people. Not because he’s bad at it, but because ... he’s good. Startlingly good. His voice changes completely from a goofy childish timbre, to very deep, and smooth, and mellow. There are sea legends about sailors being lured to their deaths by the songs of sirens, and the same principle seems to be at work here. Waitresses will drop their trays, people walking will run face-first into each other, and the area around the stage will be packed with men and women alike trying to get as close as possible to him. The fact that he sounds like that but won’t make his mask off makes him even more mysterious and alluring. His song of choice? “Unchained Melody” by The Righteous Brothers; which brings tears (and swooning) to the eyes and minds of anyone who hears him. After the song it’s like someone flips a switch, and he goes back to the weirdo that the Akatsuki knows and tolerates, seemingly completely oblivious to the chaos his singing caused. He also enjoys having drinks with his Senpai, as the alcohol makes the blonde much more friendly towards Tobi than he usually is; however he can’t keep up with the amount of booze Deidara can put away, and he feels sleepy after just a few beers.

Hidan

As with most group outings, he’ll complain about thinking everything is stupid. His religion prohibits the consumption of alcohol, so he’ll occupy himself with eating lots of food and “lovingly” heckling his fellow Akatsuki members when they get up on stage. Once in a blue moon he can be persuaded to get up and sing himself, although again this is a complete rarity. He has no real music preferences and will usually just flip through the available choices until he finds something he knows the lyrics to. Tries to pick songs with a lot of swearing in it, which he won’t bother to bleep out and will instead scream out at the top of his lungs (which often results in the whole group being threatened with getting kicked out). Sometimes, though, when he’s in a more mellow state of mind ((a rarity for Hidan)) he’ll get the urge to do a duet (because that takes the pressure off of everyone staring only at him) and can convince Konan to go up with him. Their rendition of “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” always brings the room to its feet, and gets them thunderous applause. After the song Konan will blush and kiss his cheek, which Hidan pretends to act embarrassed about (but is secretly thrilled by). His favorite song to do solo, however, is “Sympathy For The Devil” by The Rolling Stones, which he ... really ... gets into.

Kakuzu

Mostly comes out with the others as a sort of chaperone; making sure they get home safe after drinking, and trying to prevent them from blowing all their money on the “outrageously priced” food and drinks. Karaoke isn’t really his thing, and neither is being on stage in front of people. However if he’s in a decent mood, and there aren’t that many people around, he can be persuaded to get up and sing. He sings the most amazing rendition of “Ain’t No Grave (Can Hold My Body Down)” by Johnny Cash; his deep gravelly voice and slow speaking pitch are absolutely perfect for it, giving everyone listening goosebumps. Kakuzu is also a skilled guitar player, and sometimes he will sit on stage and play the guitar bits of certain songs for other Akatsuki members singing, “But I’m taking my fees out of your next paycheck.”

Zetsu

Surprisingly, this is one activity that the plant-man enjoys engaging in with the others. He’s not much of an alcohol drinker, and “human” food isn’t really his thing, either; but he loves to hear the others do their best at singing. It takes a lot to get Zetsu up on the stage himself, but when he does, he’s a fairly decent singer. He’s able to change the pitch of his voice quite effortlessly, so that it intend sounds as if two people are singing, instead of one. His song of choice is a long one: “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen. It takes a lot f stamina to get through this, but Zetsu always finds that half the time he can’t even hear his own voice with this one, as everyone in the place sings with him (because seriously, who alive doesn’t know this song?). But it’s not all fun and games; Zetsu will always be scoping out the crowd, discerning who the most intoxicated people are. He’ll lure these poor souls into the alley out back, and gave himself a tasty little snack. He tries his hardest not to let the others catch him doing this, though, as this is supposed to be a fun and stress-free night for all involved.

Konan and Pein

This whole thing was her idea, yet, unless it’s a duet with one of the others, she’s very reluctant to try and sing on her own. Thinks her voice is “nails on a chalkboard”, although everyone vehemently disagrees with this perspective. Never has to bring any money with her to the bar, because all of the boys will take turns buying her food and drinks. She goes crazy for fries of any kind, and can eat carloads of these alone. Konan is exceptionally beautiful, and she will be mercilessly hit on from the moment she walks in until they all leave. Well, not always — the boys ALSO like to take turns acting as Konan’s bodyguard, and protecting her from anyone who tries to come within three feet of her. They hide their more vicious tendencies for when Konan’s not paying attention, because they know she wants a relaxing evening, but still: there’s been quite a number of guys escorted out of the bar by Kisame and Hidan, that mysteriously never return. When persuaded to sing, almost anything she chooses will be an Amy Winehouse song, as this is her favorite artist. Her favorite song is “Wake Up Alone”, which moves her fellow teammates (Pein included) to tears. Joins Kakuzu as helper to make sure everyone gets home safe and sound. Pein doesn’t like singing, and does not want to sing ... but Konan always manages to convince him to be a good sport at some point in the evening. But the song he picks is disappointingly predictable: “Pain” by Three Days Grace. Expected, maybe ... but he puts real heart and soul into his rendition, nearly falling off the stage with his enthusiasm. As with all group outings, Nagato loves to experience everything through the Pein-body’s eyes, and spend time with this makeshift family of his.

Kisame

One of the biggest drinkers, but something (perhaps his half-animalness) makes it near impossible for him to be totally drunk, no matter how much alcohol he consumes. Sometimes he’ll make a deal with Kakuzu: Kakuzu will scope out other drunks in the place, inform Kisame of their whereabouts, and Kisame will hustle them for money in either drinking contests or pool games. He’ll split the money with the old guy, making both happy. When it comes to the karaoke aspect, Kisame doesn’t really like singing, or being in front of a crowd; but decides to be a good sport and do a song lIke the others. He can sing almost anything (he has a wide vocal range), but he really seems to favor love ballads. His favorite is November Rain by Guns n Roses, and the rest of the Akatsuki is shocked at how damn soulful he sounds singing it. If not singing or hustling drunks, he likes to spend some quiet time with Itachi, buying him snacks and coaxing the thin ((TOO thin, in Kisame’s opinion)) young man to eat.

Itachi

Is quiet and shy by nature, so naturally things like karaoke bars aren’t really his deal. But Kisame always insists that it’s good for him to get out ((out of the hideout and out of his head)) and socialize once in a while, so he goes. It’s the same deal as Konan, almost, where women flock to him and hit on him for nearly the entire duration of his visit. However, the group doesn’t act as a collective bodyguard for him, as the majority of them feel like he’d be better off, as Hidan delicately puts it, “If the fucker just got laid.” But Itachi doesn’t seem interested in anything like this; he’s polite to those who approach him, but so closed-off that eventually they give up. When one particularly persistent woman wouldn’t leave him alone, Itachi resorted to grabbing the person nearest him (who happened to be Deidara) and telling the admirer that he was his boyfriend. He even put his arm around the guy’s waist, squeezing him. Deidara went along with it, but after the woman left he angrily informed Itachi that he’d “blow your ass up if you ever try something like that again, hm!” That’s what he SAYS, but it should be noted that he blushes quite hard for some time afterwards. Itachi was only ever convicted to go up and sing one time, and it was a duet with Kisame. The song was “Under Pressure” by Queen and David Bowie. At the end of the song, Kisame was beaming, and Itachi had more admirers than ever clamoring for his attention. Not used to late nights so if they’re out past midnight will usually fall asleep sitting at the bar, and be carried home (and put into bed) by Kisame.

[beewolfwrites]

And When I am Formulated, Sprawling on a Pin - Chapter One: The Edge of a Diving Board

Hello everyone!

So I haven’t used my Tumblr account in years, but I recently binge watched Alice in Borderland not too long ago and like any sane person, I realised that it was pretty darn amazing.. and that Chishiya was hands-down one of the best characters in the show.

 So while I'm still riding the AIB wave, I decided to dig out my old Tumblr and write something! 

This is just the first chapter, and you can find it here on AO3 too. To be honest, it’s probably better on AO3 because the formatting is a little funny on here. 

I’ve written it in first person, but avoided giving the main character a name, so it can either read as a Chishiya x OC or as a reader-insert depending on how you prefer :) 

Please let me know what you think, and if you do read it, thank you!

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It was David Foster Wallace who put it best. The world was one big queue leading up to a diving board. You took your place in line, climbed the rankings, and once you got to the top? The end. Process over. Because that’s how life really is: breathe, work, jump off the edge. You fulfil a function and then you’re gone forever.

At least, that’s how I’d always seen it. But the Borderlands changed all of that. Suddenly I was being pushed towards the edge of the diving board when I had thought I was still in the queue.

It happened all at once. I had been in an apartment, laughing over drinks with my brother and his friends. It was our first time in Japan, and we were only visiting for a four-day summer trip. I had only been allowed to go on the premise that he was there. Looking back now, I wish we had chosen Brussels or Amsterdam.

The last time I saw my brother, he was laughing with his friends as I closed the bathroom door behind me. I had turned to the sink, taking a moment to splash cool water on my face.

And that was when the lights went out.

‘Power cut’, I muttered, fumbling around for the door handle and re-entering the living room.

The apartment was dark and cold. I was alone.

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Tokyo almost looked beautiful without electricity at night, like a ghost city paused in time.

‘Hey!‘ I yelled through the empty streets. ‘誰か’ Anyone?

My Japanese was limited at best, but I had to try. I had to find someone. There was no way this could’ve been a prank. A whole population doesn’t just vanish into thin air, it’s simply not possible.

‘Hey, Is anyone there?’ I tried again.

As if on cue, a light cut through the darkness. I couldn’t help but squint at the large white screen projected across a desolate building. I couldn’t read any of the kanji, but there was one word that stood out clear as day.

GAME

What is this? I asked myself.

Suddenly, the screen changed, this time sporting an arrow pointing to the right. I tried to read the hiragana, but it seemed there was no need. Another light appeared in the distance, glowing ominously over the tops of buildings.

I guess I have to go that way, I thought. Perhaps there’s some kind of big event on and everyone’s gone to watch.

I made my way to the source of the light, which turned out to be an old furniture store. In this sea of darkness, it was as if the electricity had pooled entirely into one two-storey building.

There can’t be an event in a place like this. Where is everyone?

On a wall was a smaller sign with an arrow pointing into the store.

GAME – こちらです

Hesitantly, I followed the arrow up the steps leading to the door. Inside, the hallway was fully lit. The walls were decorated with mirrors and printed canvases, their price tags and sale stickers still attached. Passing beneath an arch that led into a large room, I heard a tiny bleep. It was almost inaudible, but I knew I hadn’t imagined it.

As I peered around, looking for the source of the noise, a voice spoke.

‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you.’

I jumped, turning on my heels.

Leaning inconspicuously against a wall, a man was staring at me curiously. He was wearing a sleeveless grey top and looked to be in his thirties. He didn’t look like it, but perhaps he was the shop owner?

I stepped forward, intent on asking for help. However, I must’ve moved too quickly in my excitement, as my arm wavered, knocking a tiny vase with an artificial flower off a table.

It rolled across the ground, but before I could apologise and pick it up a neon red laser cut through the vase, leaving a singed hole in the plastic soil.

‘I told you not to do that,’ the man repeated, huffing.

I stared, wordless, at the destroyed flower. Lasers? What the hell kind of game was this?

‘Newbie, hm? This’ll be easy.’

It was a new voice this time. Another man, slightly younger, was reclining back in an armchair. I hadn’t noticed him until now as his green shirt blended into the furniture fabric.

‘A foreigner, too. How lucky,’ Green Shirt said.

My mind scrambled to piece together what Japanese it could.

‘すみません… 何がこれ？皆んながどこですか’ Excuse me, what is this? Where is everyone?

Green Shirt raised a brow, whereas the first man huffed once more.

‘It’s a game. You’ve just got to follow the rules.’ He gestured his thumb to a small side table where there were a several phones lined up. ‘You need to take one before registration closes.’

On second inspection, I noticed that they were both clasping phones tightly in their hands. Maybe this was part of the game? Approaching the table, I picked up a smart phone, finding that it sprung to life immediately with a face recognition screen.

‘FACE REGISTRATION IN PROCESS.

PLEASE WAIT FOR THE GAME TO COMMENCE’

A timer on the screen began to tick down from two minutes. Around me, I could feel the two men watching my every move. They seemed to be sussing me out, although I couldn’t figure out what for. Surely, since everyone in Tokyo disappeared, we should all band together and find others.

‘REGISTRATION CLOSED. THE GAME WILL NOW COMMENCE.’

This time, the voice came from everywhere and nowhere at once, as if through an invisible sound system. I looked around at the ceiling, trying to find the speakers, when I realised that at the back of the room all of the furniture had been moved aside to make way for a large circular table and four chairs. In the centre of the table was a stack of cards.

‘GAME – RUMMY

DIFFICULTY – FOUR OF DIAMONDS

TIME LIMIT – ONE HOUR’

Four of Diamonds?

I looked at the phone in my hand, where a picture of the aforementioned card flashed up. None of it made sense. And what did playing cards have to do with this?

The first man and Green Shirt both got up and made their way to the table at the back, leaving me no choice but to follow. They seemed to know what was going on better than I did. The three of us each took a seat, only I chose to a sit as far as possible from the other two. Judging from the deck in the middle of the table, we’d be playing a card game, and I didn’t want anybody close enough to see my hand.

The overhead voice continued.

‘RULES –

PLAYERS MUST COMPLETE A SINGLE GAME OF RUMMY.

THE OBJECTIVE IS TO CLEAR ALL CARDS FROM YOUR HAND. THE FIRST PLAYER TO CLEAR THEIR HAND IS THE WINNER.

THE DECK HAS ALREADY BEEN SHUFFLED.

PLAYERS MUST DESIGNATE ONE PERSON TO BE THE DEALER.

TURNS ARE TAKEN COUNTER-CLOCKWISE, FROM THE LEFT OF THE DEALER.

EACH PLAYER STARTS WITH SEVEN CARDS. AFTER THE CARDS HAVE BEEN DEALT, THE FIRST CARD IN THE DECK MUST BE TURNED OVER AND USED TO START A SEPARATE DISCARD PILE.

PLAYERS MUST ALWAYS DRAW ONE CARD FROM THE PILE, AND DISCARD ONE CARD PER TURN.

PLAYERS MAY PICK UP A CARD FROM THE DISCARD PILE, HOWEVER YOU CANNOT DISCARD THE SAME CARD IN THAT TURN.

PLAYERS MUST CREATE SEQUENCES OF THREE TO FOUR CARDS ARRANGED BY EITHER NUMBER OR SUITE. IF A SET OF THREE OR MORE CARDS IS CREATED, THE PLAYER MAY CHOOSE TO LAY IT DOWN IN FRONT OF THEM.

PLAYERS CAN ADD TO OTHERS’ SEQUENCES PROVIDED THEY HAVE BEEN LAID DOWN ON THE TABLE.

ACE MAY ONLY COUNT AS ONE.

JOKERS CAN BE USED IN PLACE OF ANY CARD.

CLEAR CONDITION – BE THE WINNER.’

Okay, I thought, mulling it over. Okay…

I hadn’t understood most of what the voice had said, but I could pick up enough that I figured it was just a game of standard Rummy. I had never played the game before, and I only knew of it through John Steinbeck’s characters. But I had played something similar, a card-melding game that my parents had taught me when I was a small child. I’d played it countless times, and I knew it like the back of my hand. Sure enough, these rules were slightly different, but it was still a card-melding game, all the same.

I looked up at the two men opposite me. They appeared confused, despite their attempts to hide it. Green Shirt gazed at me curiously, then smirked.

Oh…

‘A foreigner, too? How lucky.’

His previous words rang in my memory. Judging by the way the two men were looking at me, they were both counting on my inability to understand the rules. They were assuming I had no idea how to play, or even what rules were just read out. And yet, the brief glimpses of confusion in their expressions told me everything: they had never played a card-melding game before.

So they’ve already decided that they have the advantage?

I tried not to smile.

‘Do you know how to play?’ the first man asked me.

I paused, considering how I should answer. I didn’t know exactly what the stakes were, but judging by the laser I had just seen, losing the game couldn’t be good. In any case, I decided to keep my cards close to my chest.

‘このガームは知らない.’ I’ve never heard of this game before.

I was aware that my Japanese probably sounded like it came straight from a textbook, but in this situation, I couldn’t care less.

The first man nodded. He looked at Green Shirt, and said, ‘I’ll be the dealer then, if that’s okay?’

Green Shirt just shrugged and sat back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest. ‘Hurry up then. The clock’s ticking.’

Sure enough, my phone displayed a timer which read 57 minutes. I didn’t want to find out what happened if we didn’t have a clear winner by the time it hit zero.

The first man picked up the deck, dishing out seven cards each before returning the stack to the centre. He took the first card and turned it over on the table, beginning the discard pile. Picking up a card from the deck, the first man began his turn.

I didn’t pay attention to what he was doing, as I needed to focus on the cards currently in my hand.

King of Spades

Three of Hearts

King of Diamonds

Five of Clubs

Ace of Hearts

Nine of Diamonds

Eight of Clubs

It wasn’t bad. Or at least, it could’ve been a lot worse. The two kings stuck out immediately as a potential meld. I could certainly build around them. However, another thought came to mind. If Rummy was anything like the game I had learned as a child, it meant that players could add to each other’s melds once they were on the table. In that case, I would have to avoid creating sets of consecutive numbers within the same suite, as a three-card combination in this kind of meld would leave two openings for the others to get rid of their cards, rather than just the one.

Glancing up, I noticed it was Green Shirt’s turn, promptly ended as he threw an Ace of Spades into the discard pile.

That meant it was my turn next.

I eyed the Ace he just discarded and remembered hearing the overhead voice say something about Aces. But there was no time to think about it; the other two were watching me closely and waiting for me to pick up a card.

I reached out to the deck.

Seven of Diamonds.

Technically I could’ve used it in conjunction with my nine, but it was too risky. I didn’t have time to wait around in hopes of picking up an Eight of Diamonds. Plus, I’d already decided against consecutive sets.

I tossed it into the discard pile.

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The game continued for longer than I would’ve liked it to. The clock was ticking, ticking, ticking, and now read 17 minutes.

So far, my hand had started to come together.

King of Spades

King of Diamonds

King of Hearts

Nine of Diamonds

Nine of Spades

Five of Clubs

Ace of Hearts

I could’ve laid down my kings on the table. But there was only three cards in the meld, meaning one of the others could add the remaining king from their own hand. Across from me, neither of the other two had laid down any cards, and until they did, I couldn’t add anything to their melds either.

Green Shirt then took his turn and picked up a card. He glanced once at me, then threw a Nine of Diamonds onto the discard pile.

I must’ve regarded it a second too long because Green Shirt then spoke up.

‘You’re collecting Diamonds, aren’t you?’

I tried not to smile.

‘どうして知っているのですか’ I asked, playing along. How did you know that?

‘Because you always stare at the cards whenever I discard a Diamonds one.’

He must’ve gotten the wrong end of the stick, because whenever he discarded a Diamonds card, my heart sank. The last thing I needed was a Diamonds card.

‘I’ll try and keep a poker face from now on,’ I muttered.

Green Shirt frowned in response and checked the timer on his phone.

Nine minutes.

Nine minutes until game over.

That’s 540 seconds I had to land a good card.

Come on, I thought. Please be a nine. Please be a nine.

I picked up a card from the deck. It was a Two of Spades. I discarded it immediately.

In the back of my mind, I was starting to panic. Judging by this whole setup, we were playing for our lives. After all, what kind of game would have an invisible barrier that kills those who try to back out?

The first man threw away a Six of Clubs. Green Shirt stared at it and scowled. He must’ve been looking for extra cards to add to his meld on the table.  

By now, the two men were starting to become antsy. The first man kept scratching his eyebrow, whereas Green Shirt kept dragging his nails on the table in impatience.

He picked up a card from the deck, then grinned from ear to ear. He proudly lay down a consecutive suite consisting of the Seven and Six of Clubs and a Joker used to represent a five.  

Carelessly, he tossed down a Nine of Clubs.

My heart jumped, and adrenaline shot through me.

He still thinks I’m collecting Diamonds. That’s why he tossed it.

My hand shot out and snatched up the card from the pile before Green Shirt could figure out his mistake. And figure it out, he did, because his eyes widened slightly.

I looked at him squarely.

‘I have something to confess,’ I said in English. ‘I lied. I’m not collecting Diamonds.’

Green Shirt’s smile dropped. He didn’t understand, but he would soon enough. The thing about Jokers is that they’re always a double-edged sword.

Laying down my new trio of nines, I reached over to Green Shirt’s meld and inserted my Five of Clubs, swiping his Joker for myself.

He made a noise of protest, whereas the first man watched on with disbelief, as if hoping that his intuition was wrong.

I added the Joker to my two Kings, creating a new meld which I down on the table.

Their faces told all. They had no idea that Jokers could be swapped. Even though I hadn’t understood the rules outlined at the beginning, it was evident that this was a rule that hadn’t been mentioned.

Watching them shake their heads, wide eyed… it was like watching a penny drop.

‘ごめんなさい,’ I said.

I’m sorry.

I threw the Ace of Hearts onto the discard pile.

The two men shot out of their seats, yelling frantically. I tried to tear my eyes away, but couldn’t, as two lasers pierced through the ceiling and struck them where they stood.

The two bodies crumpled to the ground, and all was still.

‘GAME CLEAR – CONGRATULATIONS!’

I don’t know how long I remained seated in my chair, but I felt that if I moved, I would collapse too. Swallowing, I took two fingers and pressed them to my jugular, feeling for my pulse.

I had won. I was still alive.

I was still here.

The phone on the table beside me flashed with a message. According to this game, I had a four-day visa, whatever that meant.

It didn’t matter though, all I needed right now was to sleep.

Rising unsteadily, I cautiously approached the where the invisible barrier had been. For all I knew it was a one-way system, and I didn’t want to make a stupid mistake after all my effort in the Rummy game. So, as a test, I picked up a tiny vase and threw it across the entrance.

Nothing.

It was like the lasers had just disappeared altogether.

Tentatively reaching my fingers through, I deemed it safe, and made my way back down the hall to the store entrance. I didn’t know where to go, or how to live in a world like this, but if books and movies had taught me anything, I needed to make some kind of camp, perhaps even head to a food store to collect some supplies –

I stopped.

On a small side table near the entrance doors, a card lay facing up. The Four of Diamonds. The same Four of Diamonds that had flashed on the screen on my phone. The game’s difficulty.

But when did it get here? Perhaps someone had come by whilst I was still playing.

Shrugging, I pocketed it and stepped outside into the ghostly darkness of Tokyo. Behind me, the electricity in the furniture store shut off completely.

Whatever kind of games these were, I had a feeling they were only just getting started.

[natromanxoff]

Queen live at Royal Dublin Society Simmonscourt in Dublin, Ireland - November 22, 1979 (Part-1)

(x)

Tonight is the opening night of the "Crazy Tour," the tour when Queen decided to go back and play the smaller, more intimate venues (especially the London ones). The lighting rig had to be scaled down to accommodate most of the venues. There used to be five rows of red and green lights and four rows of white, but the red and green have been cut back to four as well. Along with the change in the band's attire (particularly Freddie's pants with knee-pads) and Roger's bass drum head sporting a picture of himself, all these factors make pictures from this tour easy to distinguish from those taken earlier in the year.

Queen's old front of house sound technician returned to the job after a long illness (the Jazz album is dedicated to him for this reason).

The show now begins with an intense drone leading into the thunder and lightning. Combined with their lighting rig (even the scaled down version), this would be a very effective opening of their show. It has been said that people were often left breathless before the band even played a note.

Being their first gig in the UK since releasing Live Killers, the band decide to shake things up a bit by opening the show with Let Me Entertain You, followed by the fast We Will Rock You. The setlist is otherwise mostly similar to the live album and previous tour, with a couple new songs added to the repertoire (Mustapha made its first appearance in Saarbrucken in the summer).

Tonight would see the first performances of Save Me and Crazy Little Thing Called Love, which had been recently recorded. The latter has been released as a single and would fare quite well on the charts, becoming their first American #1. Save Me would be released as a single early next year, peaking at #11 in the UK. On stage, Brian May plays the piano on the ballad. Through 1981, he'd play the first two verses on piano and switch to guitar at the second chorus. The instrumentation would change slightly in 1982 with the addition of an auxiliary keyboardist. In the meantime, these 1979 versions would have the band finishing the song at the end of the last chorus, omitting the piano outro.

As for Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Brian would start on acoustic guitar, switch to a black Telecaster for the guitar solo, and to his beloved Red Special for the finale of the song. Unlike the 1950s-flavoured studio version, it would become a heavy rock song by the final verse. By 1982, the end of the song would often be a relatively long jam. Freddie would play a 12-string Ovation Pacemaker acoustic guitar for the song through 1982, and would switch to a cream-coloured Telecaster from 1984 to 1986. Throughout the years, he would often joke about how he knew how to play only a few chords on the guitar.

On stage, the band end Crazy Little Thing Called Love with a coda similar to the one in You're My Best Friend.

This is Queen's first of four shows they would play in Ireland, and so they perform a one-off version of Danny Boy in the encore. As told by someone who attended the show, almost no one in the audience knew the words of the second verse, while Freddie had done his homework.

During Now I'm Here, a fan manages to make his way on stage for a brief moment, and Freddie sings, "Now He's Here." An audience recording of the song was reportedly broadcast on the radio not long after the show, but no known copy has survived.

At the end of the show, instead of playing their version of Britain's national anthem as always, in Ireland the band use the outro from the A Day At The Races album - the only location where they would make a political gesture like this.

Here is a review of this show from the Dublin Evening Press, submitted by Rob Schoorl.

Photos 1-3 were taken by Eddie Mallin.

Fan Stories

“I couldn't believe it! Summer 1979 and I was reading a review of a gig in one of Dublin's evening newspapers. At the end of the review, added almost as an afterthought, was news that the promoter, Pat Egan, was planning to bring Queen to Dublin! I read and re-read it but still could not believe it. Queen, at last, would make their debut in front of an Irish audience! The Crazy Tour would begin in Dublin. Fast forward to the autumn and myself and a number of friends from school eagerly queued up to buy tickets to see our heroes. After buying the tickets, it was a long countdown to the show which would take place on Thursday November 22nd 1979. I still clearly remember the date even after all the years. Eventually the day arrived. That night Queen were on Top of the Pops with Crazy Little Thing Called Love but I didn't mind missing it. We were going to the real thing! After a long day in school we made our way to the RDS in Dublin. After a wait outside the gates we were allowed in to the venue and found a standing place near the front of the stage. I recall it got ever more crowded at the front of the stage and before the show, the tour manager (was it Gerry Stickells?) had to go on stage and appeal to people near the stage to relax and step back. Eventually the lights dimmed, there was a tremendous roar from the crowd, the Pizza Oven exploded into light and there were our heroes only yards away from us. I recall at the time being so overwhelmed by the amazing lights and the fact that we could almost touch Freddie, dressed all in black leather and sunglasses, that I barely registered that Let Me Entertain You was the opener. After that, it was into We Will Rock You and, largely the same songs and running order as the Live Killers album which I knew very well (!!) at that time and had almost worn out playing over the previous months. There were however some exceptions. Of most interest to Queen fans now and the biggest shock to me then was that Danny Boy was played live - a great version, from what I recall which received a terrific ovation from the audience. Also, If You Can't Beat Them was played which surprised me as it wasn't included on Live Killers and I wasn't even aware at that time that it was ever played live. The Dublin show was the first time that Save Me and Crazy Little Thing were played live. I remember being astounded at the power and range of Freddie's voice - even better than Live Killers. At that stage he was developing as a singer and over the next few years became recognised as one of the best rock singers and best frontmen in the business. (Am I the only one who was slightly disappointed with the quality and range of his voice during the final Magic Tour especially when compared to earlier tours?). The gig was a terrific show, especially to a young person attending his first major rock gig, and many of the songs are still memorable to me. During Now I'm Here one idiot actually got up on stage and Freddie sang "Now *he's* here" before he was removed from the stage. One girl also managed to get up on stage and plant a kiss on Freddie during the show. The following night, a couple of songs recorded during the show by someone in the audience were played on the Radio Dublin pirate radio station. These included Now I'm Here. A bootleg of the gig definitely exists *somewhere* but, try as I might, I cannot track it down. I would be grateful if anyone reading this comes across it or has it in their collection, that they get in touch with me!” - John Brogan

“The first night of the Crazy tour - amazing show. Seen some people on the web note that they played Danny Boy that night but for some reason I can only remember Brian playing it as part of his solo and us singing our heads off. Freddie handing out a champagne glass to a friend of mine who still has it. Anyway it was nearly 30 years ago and I find it hard to remember what I did last week never mind that long ago. They ended the show with the outro from A Day At The Races which took me a while to figure out what it actually was. The lighting rig was totally amazing - the pizza oven was aptly named - it was scorching and the intensity of the light when it turned around behind the band to face the audience was something else made a couple of friends that night (in the horse show bar opposite the venue) that I am still in contact with and we are all still crazy after all these years.” - Gary aka hoops

“A couple of notes on the Queen show in Dublin, 1979. Fred was in red trousers, not black as John Brogan has mentioned above. Small point but there you go. And when it came time for the audience to sing along to Danny Boy, almost no one knew the words of the second verse - I remember one chap shouting out to Freddie that he was doing a grand job all by himself. I saw them sixteen times in all and that show, the first, has a very special place in my memory. On the subject of bootlegs from that show, a chap in Aungier Street in Dublin used to have just about every show ever played in Dublin by anyone worth taping. I got a really bad and incomplete (C60) copy of the Queen show from him just as a record of having been there - his voice could be heard just before the start of the show, discussing bootlegging. The tape is somewhere in a box in my house and should I come across it, I'll let you know.” - Paul

Part-2

[atc74]

Soul to Souls - Six

Warnings: Mentions of a hunt, missing your “soulmate”, drinking mentions of sex, implied smut, a good ol’ girls night

Summary: Since she was four years old, Annaleigh has seen the same boy in her dreams. For twenty-five years, she grows to love the boy that has now turned into a man. Dean Winchester just lost the only family he has ever known. The guilt drives him to work harder than ever before. He works to forget the pain, until he meets Annaleigh and she turns his world upside down. What she learns changes both of their lives forever, but what will he do when he discovers the truth? Will he accept it or run back to the only life he has ever known?

Pairing: Dean x  OC Annaleigh

Word Count: 2043

Beta’d by: @amanda-teaches​​, @katehuntington​, thank you both for being my guides! Dividers and new cover art by the amazingly talented @talesmaniac89​​.

A/N: This was my very first series I ever wrote four years ago in September 2016 and I am so happy and proud to bring this back home.

Soul to Souls Master List

Dean heeded Annaleigh’s advice, taking a couple weeks to rest and recharge. Bobby understood when Dean called to tell him he was taking a much needed break. There wasn’t much to do in her small town, but he spent as much time with Annaleigh as possible, when she wasn’t working. They took small day trips and enjoyed the peace and quiet provided by the mountains. 

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end and that end came one morning in the form of a phone call from another hunter that needed backup. Dean reluctantly packed a bag and kissed his girl goodbye. 

“I will be back as soon as I can, I promise you that, Red,” Dean vowed into her hair as he held her tightly to him. 

“You better, God Himself has plans for us,” Annaleigh whispered back, not wanting to let go, now that she finally had him. She knew she could never ask him to leave the life behind, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t going to worry about him when he did take on a hunt. 

Silent tears fell as she watched him drive away, but Annaleigh refused to go back inside until Baby’s tail lights disappeared from view. It was only then that she went back into the house and counted the days until he returned to her. 

The days passed slowly without Dean beside her. Annaleigh continued with her appointments, as her clients still needed her, but she found herself increasingly restless the longer he was gone. With nothing better to do, she picked up a couple more shifts at the bar, just to keep herself busy.  

The bar was pretty empty for a Thursday night. Annaleigh was just clearing a table, and thinking about calling it a night, when she heard the bell above the door. She turned to see who it was, surprised when it was Cora and Trista Dozier, two of her favorite people and the owners of Two Sisters. She greeted them at the door with huge hugs. “Girls! What brings you in tonight?” She smiled and turned to grab a couple of menus and take them to a table.

Trista wrapped her arm through Anna’s as she spoke. “Well, we haven’t seen your Adonis in flannel around lately so we thought we would keep you company, maybe get the scoop.”

“Oh no, missy!” It was Cora that spoke up this time when Annaleigh tried to seat them at a high top table for two. “Not here, we are going to need a much bigger table tonight!” 

Anna looked at her, a confused look on her face. “But it’s just the two-?” She never got the words out as the bell on the front door rang again. Alyssa walked in, followed closely by Mandi, and made a beeline for the three ladies. 

Cora ignored her question. “Girls’ Night, party of five, please! We are treating you to a good time, since Mr. Man is out of town on business.” 

Annaleigh opened her mouth to protest, but Cora reached out and placed her hand under Anna’s chin and pushed it closed, effectively stopping any argument she might have attempted. “Okay, then. Let’s get started,” Cora chirped. Anna shook her head, knowing she wasn’t going to win this argument. Walking into the back room, she took off her apron, stored it in her locker and clocked out. Before heading to the table, she ordered a round of beers to get them all started.

“Anna! Get your ass over here! You are not on the clock anymore and it is time for you to have fun and let your hair down! We can get our own damn drinks, girl,” Alyssa yelled across the bar.

“Just this one round, I swear. Then, I will put myself at your mercy for the rest of the night, my Queens,” Annaleigh replied to her, pulling off a graceful curtsy before she carried the bottles back to the large table they picked in the corner, right next to the old jukebox. She swore that thing was older than all of them, but it was a classic, and so was the music. 

The beers and shots flowed as the time passed. Annaleigh felt like a pretty lucky girl from where she sat. She had amazing friends that took a whole night for her just to make sure she was having fun and not alone. She had an amazing and sexy boyfriend that she could not wait to get her hands on again.

Mandi piped up from across the table, a wicked grin on her face. “So, tell me, Annaleigh...how is Dean in bed? He is so gorgeous! And those lips...oh man! I bet they can do things! Can’t they?” 

Anna almost fell out of her chair at the turn of conversation. “Mandi! I am not telling you guys about our sex life!” She protested loudly. There weren’t that many people in the bar to overhear, but she still didn’t want to spill their secrets.

“Come on, Anna!” Trista was the next one to start in on her. “We live vicariously through you. Tell us something! Just one, or maybe two, teensey, weensey, little details. Please?” She begged, actually batting her damn eyelashes trying to get Annaleigh to cave. 

Cora, who was generally the quiet and shy one, surprisingly chimed in as well, “Yeah, Anna! Just a couple of teensey, weensey nuggets of sexiness. With a body like that, he has to know how to use it! And I am willing to bet you bitches fifty bucks that it ain’t so teensey, weensey. Am I right? Or am I right?!” 

Alyssa looked at Anna and blurted out, “Don’t leave anything out! I want all the dirt! ”

Anna threw her head back and let the laughter roll out of her. It felt good to be with all of her girls again. “You are all horrible! And relentless! Anything I tell you guys does not leave this table, understand?”

She eyed them all, to make sure they were all listening intently, before she spoke softly, leaning into the circle. “You all know that I don’t have a ton of experience, but Dean is the most incredible, thoughtful, and generous lover I have ever had, or could ever have imagined. He is so patient and really takes his time to make sure that I am satisfied. He never, and I mean NEVER, comes first. He says it is his job to make sure I am fully satisfied before he is.” Now their eyes are locked on her, hanging on her every word, mouths open, salivating. Dean is gonna love this when I tell him. He will appreciate the ego boost, she thought to herself, a grin playing at her lips.

Annaleigh swept her eyes around the table before she continued, “And those lips? Mmmm, God. That body is just made for sinning. And I love every inch of it; it’s soft but hard in all the right places. His eyes change color depending on his mood; like when we are in the heat of the moment they get darker, almost like a forest green. So, I know when they turn, I am in for it and done for - I won’t be able to walk straight the next day!” She threw her hand over her mouth, stopping herself before saying too much and getting all worked up, knowing she was still going home to an empty bed. 

Alyssa reached out to grab her hand for more, but Annaleigh had already gotten up and wandered over to that ancient jukebox, looking for anything else but talk of her sex life to keep them occupied. The music selection varied across different genres, but most of it was classic rock. Dean would be so happy. She dropped a handful of quarters in the machine and started pushing buttons, picking a few of Dean’s favorites, a few of her own, and a few the girls could sing along to, now that the bar was nearly empty.

Anna got back to the table just as the bartender brought them another round, whiskey this time. Thanking him, Anna picked up her glass and looked at her girls. “To good times, great friends, strong drinks, and amazing lovers.” 

“Amen, sister!” They all yelled and laughed as they downed the contents, slamming the glasses back down on the table, Alyssa howling like a wolf at the moon. 

The sounds of Zeppelin floated through the bar as they talked about anything and everything. Trista and Cora filled them in on some new things they were trying out next week at the bakery, telling Annaleigh she needed to bring Dean in for their new pie flavor, since he was now their official taste tester. Mandi was excited about a new comic book series they got in this week. And Alyssa told them all about the new yoga classes she was teaching at the Community Center. Anna sipped on her beer as she listened to her friends talk and laugh, and she realized how much she had missed them and how badly she had needed this.

Mandi ordered a round of shots, something sweet and fruity this time, and Anna had to wash it down with a swig of her beer. Just then, the jukebox started a familiar tune Anna had not heard in forever. She jumped up out of her chair and sang into her bottle, pretending it was a microphone as she danced around the now empty bar, save the bartender.

The liquor was doing its job, and Annaleigh was well into the second verse when she heard the bell over the door, and she turned, her heart skipping a beat, but there was no one there. Just the wind, she thought to herself, slightly disappointed. Annaleigh resumed singing, channelling her inner diva the best she could.

When the song ended, Anna looked at the clock over the bar, realizing it was after one in the morning, and she was suddenly exhausted. Returning to the table, she hugged each of her girls, thanking them for the best girls’ night ever. Cora grabbed Anna’s face in her hands, saying, “I miss your face! Don’t keep it away so long next time.”

Annaleigh gave one final wave to the table and blew kisses to each of them before turning to get her things, but she stopped dead in her tracks. 

There he was, leaning against the bar, with a drink in his hand, in that red shirt that reeked of sex and sin. The man that very well could be the love of her life. Somewhere she heard someone scream, but she quickly realized it was her and before she knew it, she was running into Dean’s arms. She jumped and wrapped her whole body around his. Anna kissed him with everything she had before he let her down.

“I missed you so much! When did you get back? How long have you been here?” Anna threw the questions at him as fast as they popped into her head.

Dean wrapped his arm around her as they walked to the back room. “I missed you, too, Red. I just got back a little while ago. And, I’ve been here long enough to see you put on a show.” He threw his head back and laughed at the memory of her singing. Her heart was happy, hearing him laugh in the flesh. 

“Why didn’t you say something?!” she asked, playfully elbowing him in the ribs.

“You looked like you were having so much fun out with your girls, I didn’t want to intrude,” he admitted. “But, I think it’s high time we get out of here. Watching you like that does things to me, Honey.”

Annaleigh grabbed her stuff and bolted for the door, blowing one more kiss to the girls and giving a thumbs up. She turned back to Dean and gave him her best pout before belting out the chorus of the song she had been singing again.

He ran after her, picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder before striding out the door. Even in the parking lot, they could hear her friends cackling and Alyssa howling at the moon again.  

Did you like it? The nicest thing you can do for a writer is reblog their work and tell them, and others, how much you like it!

Soul to Souls tags: @emoryhemsworth @flamencodiva @iwantthedean​ @jensengirl83​ @deanwanddamons​ @smol-and-grumpy​ @kbl1313​ @waywardbeanie​ @whatareyousearchingfordean​ @princessmisery666​ @spnbaby-67​ @shy-violet-soul​ @lastcallatrockysbar​ @winchesterxfamilybusiness​ @fangirlxwritesx67​ @squirrelnotsam​

[dustedmagazine]

Ian Mathers’ 2020: We’re stuck inside our own machines

I’ve had a song I loved in high school and haven’t thought much about since stuck in my head. The song “Apparitions” by the Matthew Good Band is a fine example of the alt rock of the late 90s; if you grew up then but somewhere down in the states (or elsewhere) instead of my southern Ontario you may well have your regional equivalents, and like this one they may not resonate terribly strongly outside of their time and place. It popped back into my head after a long time recently and of course 2020 has changed it a little. A song that as a teen I felt keenly as about loneliness (albeit also about how technology can feed into that) of course now plays on my nerves as another small piece of art about the way that most of us (those scared and/or responsible anyway) have only that relatively narrow, technologically mediated connection to the people we love. All of us, artists and listeners alike, are trying to fit our feelings and art and selves down these little connections, with some success.

On a personal level, 2020 wound up being stressful in ways we couldn’t have predicted even after the pandemic hit. In circumstances that could have seen governments on this continent support those unable to work (and those who shouldn’t have to), support those workers who are truly essential, support workers and renters and even landlords and small businesses, instead we got a near-total abeyance of those governments using the resources we provide them with to save any of us. On a personal level my wife and I were lucky enough to be able to work from home (not that it didn’t come with its own forms of stress, and now that I’m off until January I have several work/stress-related illnesses to recover from) but still saw friends and loved ones lose good, used-to-be-sustainable livings overnight, saw family businesses succumb to a near-total absence of effective government support after months of trying to keep above water, etc.

It is probably no surprise that this is not a situation conducive to listening to music, let alone writing about it; I have deliberately and happily kept busy on behind the scenes stuff at Dusted that I could still manage but looking, at the end of the year, at the amount I managed to actually create is demoralizing if not at all shocking. I’m not sure I think next year will be ‘better’ in many important ways, although at our job there is a growing feeling among coworkers that next year has to have some work/life balance because 2020 was, maybe more than anything else, unsustainable.

That’s not to say I didn’t spend a lot of time and emotion on music this year, and if nothing else constant sleep deprivation, stress, and panic meant I was probably open to being deeply moved by all sorts of art even more than normally (it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even read a sad or moving twitter thread out loud to my wife without getting teary, which is kind of… nice?). Funnily enough the band that did the most to keep me sane didn’t really put out anything in 2020. Personal favorite, Low, instead started, in early April, getting on Instagram with something they called on whim “It’s Friday I’m in Low.” With one brief break they have now done by my count at least 35 shows (catalogued here, by the way), every Friday at about 4 my time.

Admittedly it’s easier for Low to pull this off than some bands, since the 2/3 of the trio that sing are a married couple (they’ve had a couple of socially-distanced backyard shows with bassist Steve Garrington, but he’s mostly been isolating elsewhere). These shows have seen the band’s Alan Sparhawk take a mid-set break to do follow-up phone interviews with the acts featured in the COVID-curtailed touring bands series Vansplainingthat they started on YouTube, or just to give a tour round their vegetable garden and talk tips. It’s seen Alan and Mimi Parker draw on their impressive, 25+ year body of work (averaging 4-5 songs a set, I don’t think they’ve repeated themselves yet) and talk a bit between songs about pandemics, politics, song choices, and whether Alan should grab his bike helmet this time.

They’re not the only musicians out there speaking love and sanity (and playing music) into the strange digital interzone filled with hate and disinformation where we’ve all been forced to gather while locked down, but they were and the most consistent and steady signal being emitted each week. No matter how tired I was from work or what new symptoms I’d developed or what horrific thing I read into the news, even if I had to take an emergency nap while it was actually airing, every Friday the show was there. Once things do return to something more like normal, it’s one of the few things I’ll unambiguously miss about this weird-ass year.

So if that makes an argument for Low as my band of the year (admittedly again… it’s not like Double Negative has aged poorly, either), that does a disservice to those 2020 records I did connect with; even if there are still literally dozens I have to go through, many of which I expect to love, my top picks this year (if as unrankable by me as always) hit me as hard as any top pick in recent years did. So here I present a quick and informal top 5, which the rest of my top 20 following in alphabetical order. Here’s hoping for more time and space in 2021 for music, and even more than that, for more support for those who need it from those who could have been providing it all this time. (The Matthew Good Band, incidentally, always did best with their ballads. “Strange Days” is another I’ve had in my head these days; the image of moving “backwards, into a wall of fire” has stuck with me since the 90s and it’s never felt more grimly appropriate.)

Greet Death — New Hell

New Hell by Greet Death

This one is, in some sense, cheating; it came out November 2019. But that just means it’s the latest winner of my personal Torres Prize for Ian Being Late to the Party (so named because becoming slightly obsessed with Torres’ Sprinter just after I sent in my 2015 list was the first time I noticed that one of my favorite records of each year tends to get picked up by me just after I call it quits on the year, no matter how long I try to wait). This very doom and gloom slowcore/metal/(whatever, just know it’s heavy) trio at first felt very much like my beloved Cloakroom (whose Time Well has also won a Torres Prize) but sure enough nuances revealed themselves. Back in February it felt almost a little too negative, but then the rest of 2020 happened. And the extended burns of “You’re Gonna Hate What You’ve Done” and the title track remain searing.

Holy Fuck — Deleter

Probably the record I’ve been trying to write about the longest in 2020, and the one I’m most disappointed in myself that I just couldn’t get the requisite paragraphs together. It’s a wonderful effort from the consistently great Toronto resolutely human-created (and —mediated) dance music quartet, one that both feels like a summation of everything they do well, and with the addition of some outside voices (including strong turns from the singers of both Hot Chip and Liars) a step forward at the same time.

Spanish Love Songs — Brave Faces Everyone

Brave Faces Everyone by Spanish Love Songs

As the year got worse, this roar of defiance only got more crucial for me to hear every so often; I was a big enough fan of it, even after writing it up for Dusted, that when they solicited fan footage for a subsequent music video you may just be able to get a glimpse of me in it. (I’m the one in a “No Tories” t-shirt.) My punk rock-loving twin brother was the one who introduced me to Spanish Love Songs and we were supposed to spend an evening in June screaming along to them live in a packed, sweaty room. I need that in my life again.

Julianna Barwick — Healing Is a Miracle

Healing Is A Miracle by Julianna Barwick

It’s a sign of what 2020 has been like here that even just this album title leaves bruises, and while I privately worried Barwick would have a hard time following up 2016’s sublime Will (probably my favorite record that year), it seems that continuing to take whatever downtime she needs to keep focusing and refining her particular muse has once again yielded amazing results. Anyone who thinks they know what a Barwick track sounds like should really check out, say, “Flowers”, but much of this record absolutely sounds like Barwick, just even better than before. She also boasted my wife and I's favorite streaming concert of 2020, an absolutely gorgeous rendition of this album with Mary Lattimore showing up.

Phoebe Bridgers — Punisher

Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers

I joked on Twitter recently that I have far too nice a dad (and far too good a relationship with him) to be as obsessed as I am with Phoebe Bridgers’ “Kyoto”, but here we are. Like most of her generation, Bridgers’ social media presence ranges from shit-posting to inscrutable, but even though things are often just as hard to figure out in her beautiful songs (as they often are in life), there’s an emotional clarity to them that can just grab you deep down. Couple that with seriously impressive songcraft and the progress from her already astounding debut Stranger in the Alps and more than anyone else in 2020 I’m excited to see just where the hell Phoebe Bridgers is going to go, because it feels like she’s talented and hardworking enough to go just about anywhere and drag a lot of our hearts with her.

Other Favorites

Aidan Baker & Gareth Davis — Invisible Cities II

Anastasia Minster — Father

Deftones — Ohms

Hum — Inlet

Kelly Lee Owens — Inner Song

Mesarthim — The Degenerate Era

Perfume Genius — Set My Heart On Fire Immediately

Protomartyr — Ultimate Success Today

Rachel Kiel — Dream Logic

The Ridiculous Trio — The Ridiculous Trio Plays the Stooges

Sam Amidon — Sam Amidon

Shabason, Krgovich & Harris — Philadelphia

Stars Like Fleas — DWARS Session: Live on Radio VPRO

Well Yells — We Mirror the Dead

Yves Tumour — Heaven to a Tortured Mind

Five Reissues/Compilations/etc.

Aix Em Klemm — Aix Em Klemm

Bardo Pond — Adrop/Circuit VIII

Charles Curtis — Performances & Recordings 1998-2018

Coil — Musick to Play in the Dark

Hot Chip — LateNightTales

Ian Mathers

[evening-starlight]

Chances {Chapter Eight}

Late night writing bender Pt2 :))

Edited in Grammarly

Stevie Does Wonders

Word Count: 1389

    Tom and I started seeing each other a lot more after that. He was the second most significant reason for getting out of bed every day - the first being recording, of course. He made me happy and excited to wake up every day because I knew I would talk to him every time. There was no mystery on which Tom I would get. It was always a caring, supportive person on the other end of our conversations.

    On nights the band and I were up late in the studio, Tom would send us treats and dinner. He took care of not only me but my family too. Heather was the first to point out how my attitude had changed.

    "You don't usually sing in your higher range," Heather points out from outside the booth, her voice coming through the headphones I wore. I shrug. "Tom's got you all girly; you're even singing like one." I flip her the bird, but really I can't help but smile. Tom really has brought out the best in me in the three months I've known him.

    I'm starting to think he's good luck. Jared has pulled back on his attempts to contact me, sending flowers just once a week now. The band and I are almost finished with our second album, including the deluxe version with four added songs. I've cleaned my apartment thoroughly since it's become a depression pit, and I feel like a brand new person as a whole. So Tom has got to be a good luck totem.

    "Hey, Stella, Stevie is here for your session," Naomi speaks. "We're going out to lunch. Do you want us to bring you anything back?"

    "Surprise me," I smile. Stevie is my therapist. I hired him during my divorce and have kept him ever since. He lets me vent before coming up with solutions and has been fantastic at helping me overcome my anxiety and depression. We hold our sessions in the studio to record them and listen back to them when I need to. Some snippets have made it onto our album as well.

    Stevie walks in as I set up the audio for two-way without him having to press any buttons. "Hey Stella, it's been a while," He greets. Stevie went on vacation to Germany over the last three months. He offered alternatives to waiting for him, and I used them when I had to, but nothing beats the real deal.

    "Hey, Steve. We're all good to start recording." He starts with his standard starting comment, 'start with a sour and find a sweet.' "Sour," I begin. "Jared continues to send gifts to my apartment. Robbie is still using my car. And I still get awful depressive episodes," Stevie nods as he writes down some notes. "Sweet," I stop, thinking over everything that's happened in the last three months. "Everything else.

    "I met a guy, and he makes me feel like I'm walking on air. He makes me feel appreciated and comfortable. He supports the band and me, sending us gifts and food when we need it. I do have my reservations about it, but we've seen each other at least once a week for the past month if not more times a week. The band and I are almost done with our album, and my apartment is finally cleaned." Stevie waits a few seconds before asking any questions.

    "It sounds like you've been having a very productive few months, Stella." I nod. "So, tell me more about his guy. Why do you have reservations about it?"

    "Well, he's just as close to perfect as one person can get. He waits for me to talk when I'm in a mood, and he started keeping my favorite snacks in his car for me. He texts me in the morning and asks me questions about my day at night," I start pacing the recording booth, caught up in my tangent about Tom. "He knows my favorite coffee order and my favorite coffee house. He asks how the guys are and what I want to do when our deal is over. He doesn't push on the Jared topic." I stop to look at Stevie. "I let it slip about being divorced on our first date."

    "Date?" Stevie asks, biting his lips to hide a smile. "So you're dating again?"

    "I wouldn't say that. Just," I pause to think. "Enjoying. I enjoy being around him. Everyone's noticed a change too. Heather was talking about it before you came in. Tom is just amazing."

    "And why are you having some reservations about it?"

    I sigh and start to pace again. The main reason is our age difference. It's almost as close as mine and Jared's gap. Sixteen years. "Well," I start. "For one, there's the age difference. It's significant. Not quite as bad and Jared's, but it's noticeable. Then there's the fact that he's way too cool for me and also the fact that maybe he's just like Jared, and this is all just to get me into the position again. I don't think I could go through that again and come out alive." I admit.

    "Alright, do you have an Expo in there?" Stevie asks. I hold up the red one we keep in the booth for notes. "I need you to make two lists. Red flags and green flags."

    Green flags: he's an amazing listener, he lets us go at my own pace, and he respects my boundaries without argument or guilt-tripping

    Red flags: age gap

    I make a third collum, yellow flags. He hasn't made a move to kiss me yet.

    "I can't read backward to tell me the lists," Stevie tasks. That is a fat lie, and we both know it; he just wants me to read out my lists. I do quickly, watching him write more notes. He takes so many notes when he's with me, I wonder if he does it to other clients. "Does it bother you that he hasn't made the first move yet?" I nod. "Why?"

    "Because I'm worried if I do, he'll think I'm too much to handle or that I'm coming off too strong. That he'll lose interest when  I'm not submissive anymore?" The last sentence comes out as a question.

    "Jared always made you feel like you needed to be submissive." Stevie states. We've been over this a thousand times. "But this guy, you mentioned his name is Tom. Tom isn't Jared, is he?" I shake my head. "So why are we treating him like Jared? We don't know if he'll end up like Jared, but that's a risk we take with every person we meet. We can't avoid it."

    "We can if we stay in our apartment our whole life," I sass. Stevie tilts his head to the side with an amused eyebrow raise. I sigh. "I know we can't judge people off of my past mistakes, but it still feels petrifying knowing he could be."

    "Has he given you any reason to believe he might be, besides the age?" I shake my head. "So why don't you explore it more? Try being more dominant in your role with him and test those waters. I'm not saying go headfirst into the deep end, be careful. But you have your support system always here for you and ready to catch you when you fall." I mutter an 'I know' and look over the lists I made again. "From my perspective, Stella, you seem to be smitten, and I don't want to see you lose something that could be good for you. We can't live life without risks." And there's a snippet for our song Risks.

    I nod again. I know everything Stevie's saying is right, but that doesn't make it less terrifying.

    This therapy session has played in my head repeatedly whenever I'm scared to try something new to this day. I even got 'We can't live without risks' tattooed on me to remind myself of that. That's Tom's second favorite tattoo of mine. He says it's because I would have never gotten it without him, which he's right. We'll talk about his first favorite in this book as well, don't worry. I know you all bought it so you can have a closer look at the god, that is Tom FUCKING Hiddleston.

@queenofallhobos

[bangtanstorytimetheater]

Virtuoso - A MYG Story

CHAPTER ONE

ONE

"We've decided to transfer you to the Chattanooga store."

My manager's words felt like a bad breakup. I felt my heart sink in my chest. This transfer, though unexpected and utterly terrifying, was going to be a huge leap in my career.

The music company I worked for was a small, but very well-respected chain in the tri-state area. I was proud to hold a position there, hosting field trips for elementary-aged children, and helping students demo instruments to find the perfect one. It was a rewarding job that I looked forward to every day, and I was eternally grateful for the opportunity. This transfer would have me leading the new field trip program that the company was getting ready to roll out at the other store.

I had worked at Bangtan Band Box, or BB's as the locals called it, for nearly four years. It was a great place to work, and I had watched business really take off over the time I'd been there. Thanks to a recent year-long renovation project at the store, all of the studios were now equipped with gorgeous new digital pianos and state-of-the-art soundproof walls. Everyone was thrilled with the way it turned out. We even had a grand re-opening block party. Of course, without fail, there was always at least one person who still had a complaint about something.

"The sound on these things just isn't the same. The keys don't feel right. It's not a piano..."

Ninety-two year old Jane Young was the sweetest little lady I had ever met. She was probably the only person at this store whose complaints didn't annoy me. We had grown incredibly close over the past few years I'd worked there. She was a sort of relic, being the very first ever piano teacher to teach lessons at BB's original location. Mrs. Young was the childhood piano teacher of the company CEO, and he had insisted on bringing her onboard when he opened up shop over thirty years ago.

"Jane, I completely understand where you're coming from," I said, reaching out to place my hand over hers on the counter, "They really don't feel the same as acoustic pianos, but admittedly they are pretty nice. At least we'll save a few thousand dollars a year on tuning. And I suppose all we can do at this point is just make the best of it, right?" I smiled, hoping to pull her out of her funk. Jane had been through so much over the years, spending nearly every day of the past three decades in this place, and she was not keen on all the sudden changes.

"You really are wise beyond your years, Faye. I suppose I could at least appreciate the new carpet. That iced tea stain from three years ago will certainly not be missed." she chuckled.

There's the Jane I was hoping to see today,  especially  today. Should I tell her? No, not yet.

The Following Monday

"Faye! How've you been?" Jin flashed his familiar warm smile and casually held up a hand in a lazy wave. He was always so soft spoken, but still cracking quiet jokes that had you in stitches. He'd worked at the Chattanooga BB's for a few years and we'd known each other from district meetings. He was still fairly new to being an assistant manager, but seemed to be pretty comfortable in his position.

"A bit nervous about the sudden change, but I'm looking forward to working with you. Glad that you're here on my first day. Makes it a lot easier, that's for sure." I sighed. Despite years of auditions and stressful interviews in my music career, meeting new people was still sometimes a bit stressful for me.

DING!

This store had a very loud door chime, entirely different from the one at my previous store. It was jarring, making me jump. Jin let out a louder laugh than I had ever heard come from him. I suppose being in his own store, he probably felt more at-ease than when he was attending the stuffy district meetings. It was nice to hear him laugh so genuinely.

"Didn't you guys have a bell like that at your store?" he asked, setting down his keys next to the register and taking off his coat.

"Nope. And I startle easily, so this will take some getting used to I bet."

"Hey man!" I heard a booming, but cheerful-sounding voice from somewhere over my shoulder. I turned to see a beautiful man with warm, honey skin walking towards me, his dusty blue sweater and light blue jeans accentuating his perfect tan. He had just walked in through the front door and was sweeping his wind-blown golden brown hair out of his eyes. He had a guitar case slung over his shoulder, covered in happy stickers - rainbow flowers, smiley faces, Korean hearts, and the words HOPE WORLD in big, bubbled letters across the center of the case lid.

He must be a teacher here.

"Hope! Hey, this is our new transfer, Faye Jansen. She just moved here from the Woodland Hills store. Faye, this is Hope." Jin said as he motioned towards the statuesque man in blue who was now standing face to face with me at the counter. Hope flashed me a huge, toothy smile as he carefully dropped his guitar case to the floor next to him and extended his hand to shake mine.

"Pleasure to meet you, Faye. What a nice surprise!" he smiled and squeezed my hand gently, "You can call me Hobi."

Why do I feel a little flustered? Is it warm in here or...?

Nevermind.

"Y-yes. Thank you. The pleasure is all mine. It is wonderful to meet you, Hobi. What instrument do you teach?" I asked, trying to turn the attention away from myself. I had seen the guitar case, so he was obviously a guitar instructor, but I was too flustered to think straight. I wasn't normally shy around anyone, but he was strikingly handsome, in a way I had not seen in real life before, so I almost needed a moment to catch my breath.

He seemed to notice that I was feeling a little flustered, glanced down at the guitar case then back up at me and smiled, seeming a little amused.

"Guitar. I assume you play something as well?" he asked, his fingers fidgeting with the strap of the clear plastic messenger bag slung over his shoulder.

"I studied classical voice in college, but I also play oboe and piano. I did all the demos for the field trips at the Woodland Hills BB's." I was proud of what I did, but I wasn't trying to sound too proud. Musicians can take perceived cockiness to be a huge turn-off.

"Ah, wind instruments. I envy that. I could never get past my initial few trumpet lessons as a kid. I thought I was going to pop a blood vessel in my face!" he laughed, "So instead I break old peoples' hips."

"Oh yeah?" I laughed, "That sounds terrible. Care to elaborate on that?"

"A group of us here have a jazz ensemble. We play shows every Thursday and Saturday. The older folks love to get up and dance. Let's just say that sometimes they dance themselves right into needing a wheelchair the next day. Anyway, we get pretty decent paying gigs at The Yeontan Lounge, playing all the old jazz standards. You should join us sometime. We love having other artists step in. Speaking of, Jin will you be at practice tonight?" Hobi said, suddenly turning towards Jin.

"You're in the ensemble too, Jin? That's amazing. What do you play?" I asked, excited to hear more about the group, and especially excited to hear them play.

"Upright bass. You should sing with us tonight, Faye. I heard you sing karaoke at the company party a few years ago. You sounded great. Are you still performing these days?" Jin asked.

"I haven't performed in quite a few months, but I'm sure I can manage a casual jam session tonight. What song should I prepare for you?" I asked, my disciplined mind already scrambling to come up with the perfect piece for my vocal range.

"Why don't you sing At Last by Etta James? That's a classic. Can't go wrong there." Jin suggested, glancing over at Hope for approval.

Hobi stuck out his lower lip and nodded, raising his eyebrows. He seemed pleased at the song suggestion.

"Hearing a classical singer take on At Last is going to be something special, I bet. Looking forward to it," he said. "See you tonight."

"Likewise," I said, watching him walk towards the hall of studios.

DING!

There's that goddamn door chime again.

Startled at the sound, I clumsily dropped the pen I had been holding against my notebook, and it loudly clinked on the glass countertop.

As I reached to pick it up, embarrassed at my unintended slapstick routine, out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone walking in my direction from the front door.

I looked up, and it was as if time slowed to a crawl. My eyes met the gaze of a tall, slender man with shaggy black hair and smooth, porcelain skin, wearing a button-up denim jacket, skinny jeans, and converse - all black. He didn't stop walking, but our eyes locked until he was out of view.

Instantly, I felt this surge of electricity throughout my body, as if he physically touched me when he walked past me. It was strange... and exhilarating. His deep chocolate eyes had so much fire behind them, they burned straight into my soul.

I had to know his name.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Thank you for reading the first chapter of my book! I'll be updating every Sunday at the very least, but hopefully more frequently than that.

Looking forward to your feedback and suggestions!

This first chapter is dedicated to the lovely 0o_pervy_noona_oO who started me on my Bangtan ff addiction, and inspired me to write my own.

[wr1ter-reader-dreamer]

Better Than I Ever Could’ve Imagined (Pt. 1)

Werewolf!Shawn Mendes x Reader

Masterlist

Part 2  -  Part 3  -  Part 4  -  Part 5

My best friend liked to tell me I was obsessed with him, but I knew better than that. An obsessed fan knew all the lyrics to all of his songs and everything about him; I only knew some of his songs and the more general things about him. Still, I could appreciate how gorgeous he was, both inside and out, and talked about him to her a lot. I wouldn’t say I was obsessed with him, but I would say that I had a massive crush on him. A massive enough crush that I spent over a hundred dollars on ACL tickets just to see him in person.

Shawn Mendes was set to perform Friday night at 6, and to say I was excited was an understatement. I had never been to a music festival before, so I was also a little nervous, but I knew seeing him perform would be worth it. To get over my nerves I planned; I spent weeks planning my outfit, days planning who I would go with, and hours planning when and how I would get there. By the day before the festival the nerves were gone, replaced with nothing but anticipation.

It took me roughly two hours to get ready the day of the festival. Despite knowing it wouldn’t matter because he was unlikely to notice me, I wanted to look good for Shawn. He worked so hard to look good for his fans and put on a good show, the least I could do is look hot at his concert. With that in mind, I took my time doing my makeup.

Unlike my friends and most of the girls that would be there, I didn’t cover myself in glitter. Instead, I kept my makeup simple but elegant with classic winged eyeliner and no lipstick. Still it took time to get the perfect wing, a task made even harder by my inability to stop bouncing along to the music blaring from my speaker. I just couldn’t get the picture of that bright smile, strong jawline, and fluffy hair out of my head, which made it hard to quell my excitement and still my hand. Just knowing I was going to see him in person and hear that angelic voice made me want to squeal out loud. Like I said, I had a massive crush on the young popstar.

By the time I was finally ready to meet my friends who would also be going, it was three hours before Shawn would go on and ten minutes past when I had planned to leave. Giving myself one last look-over in the mirror, I let out an excited squeal, grabbed my keys, and hurried to meet the girls.

“Damn girl! Look who’s dressed to impress!” my friend Lila yelled out when she caught sight of me.

I laughed, my cheeks heating slightly as I did a little spin to show her the whole outfit. It took me a long time to decide on what to wear and even longer to convince myself that I could in fact pull it off. In the end, I decided that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought and it would probably be one of the least outrageous outfits there anyway. So, with my head held high in defiance, I wore a black lace bodysuit with a deep v-neck that cut all the way down to my bellybutton with a thin strip of fabric sitting horizontally under my boobs, holding the v together just enough that my breasts weren’t spilling out. I paired the bodysuit with a pair of ridiculously short, light blue cut-off denim shorts that showed of my legs and ass, a black belt, and a cord choker-necklace hybrid with a silver pendant hanging down to just below the end of the v on the bodysuit. For my shoes I kept it simple with a pair of black converse, knowing that they were likely to get muddy. I felt sexy and knew that if by some small chance Shawn did notice me, he would appreciate it.

“Only the best for her future husband, right?” Dede, my best friend, joked as I finished my spin.

I rolled my eyes with a smile, “Whatever. Are ya’ll ready to go?”

Both girls nodded, so we called an Uber and made our way to the spot it would pick us up at. The whole way to Zilker Park we laughed and sung along loudly to the songs on the radio, all of us excited for the festival. Before I knew it, we were there, standing in the third row in front of the stage Shawn was scheduled to perform on.

“Oh my god, we’re really gonna see him,” I whispered, my eyes going wide as it sunk in that he would be standing on that stage in less than an hour.

Dede laughed at my expression and bumped her hip against mine, “Maybe now you’ll stop gushing to me about how pretty he is all the time.”

I blushed lightly; I did in fact gush about how gorgeous he was very often. He was just so gorgeous, it did things to me. I was a bit affection deprived, not having had a boyfriend, or any potential prospects, in over three years. I had extremely high standards in men and Shawn met all of them, so of course I had a crush on him. It didn’t matter to me that nothing would ever happen, I was happy living in fantasy until I found someone I could really be with.

I must’ve been lost in my thoughts about Shawn for longer than I expected, because suddenly the band was coming on stage, and the crowd around me was screaming, surging forward in an attempt to get closer to the stage. My heart beat sped up, a smile slipping onto my features as I got the feeling that my life was about to change. Whether seeing him in person lessened my crush or strengthened it, something was about to change. The intro of the first song flowed through the speakers, my smile grew, I started to bounce, chanting Shawn’s name with the crowd around me, and then he was running on stage, a beautiful smile lighting up his features and a guitar in hand.

“Austin!” his voice rang out through the speakers, a melodic laugh following as the crowd screamed louder, “How are you?”

The crowd screamed again and my grin widened. Shawn radiated pure joy as he stood on stage examining the crowd in front of him. I briefly thought he must be crazy to wear a long sleeve button up and jeans to perform outside on a hot day in Texas, but the thought was quickly forgotten as he adjusted his guitar and started to sing.

My heart instantly melted at the almost perfect sound floating through the air. His voice was even amazing live, sounding just as smooth and effortless as it did recorded. If it wasn’t for the crowd pulsing around me and the sight of him standing just a few feet in front of me, I might have believed I was laying in my bed, headphones on, listening to his album. I could tell through his voice just how passionate and dedicated he was to his music and knew that this concert would not be lessening my crush. He was too pure, and seeing it in person was almost overwhelming.

The chorus of the first song was quickly approaching, Shawn preparing to inhale to get enough air in his lungs to belt out the lyrics. The wind blew, pushing my hair forwards, into my face, and towards him just as he breathed in. Surprise registered on his features and then he was searching the crowd, eyes taking in every detail as he looked for something. He was playing one of the songs I knew so when he missed his cue to start the chorus I noticed and frowned. He was obviously distracted by something, which I had never seen happen before in any of the concert videos I watched. The band seemed to think it was strange too as they exchanged looks and started the intro to the chorus again. This time Shawn sang right on cue, but I could tell that he still wasn’t focused. I had spent enough time sitting back and observing people, I could tell when their heart was completely into something, and right now, Shawn’s heart was not fully committed to this performance.

The rest of the song and the next went smoothly, but Shawn was still searching the crowd for something. When the second song ended, he pulled his guitar off his shoulder and handed it to a stage hand. Almost dejectedly he glanced off stage as he passed the instrument to the man reaching for it, and then all of a sudden he was looking right at me, his brown eyes locking on my Y/E/C ones.

[cxhnow]

Chloe x Halle Talk Police Brutality and Postponing Their Album

“The way our music has evolved is exactly how we're evolving as young women.”

Four days before the release of their sophomore album, Ungodly Hour, Chloe x Halle addressed their fans to let them know they’re postponing it. In a video posted across their social channels, sisters Chloe, 21, and Halle Bailey, 20, sat shoulder to shoulder at their home in Los Angeles, surrounded by hovering green trees, and tried to sum up their range of emotions after witnessing a global uprising against police brutality.“In honor of all of the lives lost in police brutality, we felt like it was right to postpone, and fully shine our attention and our work on them,” Chloe said, with both a shake and clarity in her voice, in the video to the duo's 2.7 million followers. Halle added, “Music has been used for a long time to bring us joy and healing in difficult times like this.” Just weeks before, George Perry Floyd, a Black man living in Minneapolis, died in police custody while a white officer’s knee was pressed on his neck. As video of his killing spread, and after the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor, protests sparked around the world demanding accountability and allyship with the Black Lives Matter movement. On the day Chloe, Halle, and I spoke by phone, Tony McDade, a Black trans man in Tallahassee, Florida, was fatally shot by an officer. In Los Angeles, where the sisters live, protesters strung their bodies together to temporarily shut down the 101 freeway. In Atlanta, where they were born, six police officers were charged after being accused of using excessive force on two Black college students who were tased and pulled out of their cars days earlier.During a time when fans are more critical of how celebrities engage in civil rights activism, Grammy-nominated musicians and actors Chloe and Halle Bailey don’t tiptoe. They urge fans to sign petitions, donate, vote, and recognize Black life, early and often. They celebrate Black joy year-round. This is what their followers have grown to expect from them. Chloe and Halle have always had something to say, and it just so happens to be an important time to speak up.

It’s hard to wrap your head around the unbreakable confidence it takes to be a female pop artist if you aren’t one. Thankfully, Chloe and Halle have each other. For decades, the bond among members of Black singing girl groups has given audiences soulful and fun music. In the '90s, groups like SWV, En Vogue, and Zhané made upbeat R&B music that made you want to dance with your homegirls. Now, contemporary duos like KING, Van Jess, and Ibeyi stand out for their rapturous vocals enveloped in dramatic production. Chloe x Halle add to this legacy by singing, writing, and producing ethereal music that resonates with the girl next door.Yet there are distinct differences in the duo’s vocal style; they don’t try to match each other’s voices to create some sort of uniformity. Rather, they play off of rhythm and song pacing to meld their voices. When they do sing choruses and bridges together, their voices, albeit distinct, create layered, otherworldly melodies.The duo’s sound is often described as angelic, giving leeway for some to describe them as two women without sin. Chloe and Halle want to shatter this idea because it’s not realistic. “For Ungodly Hour we were so excited to just flip the narrative of being the perfect angel and show the other side[s] of us.…," says Halle. "The dark side, the naughty side, the things that happen that you don't see behind the scenes.” 

The majority of the 13 songs on the album are about navigating messy situations — sometimes ones that you have caused. In the midst of trying to be a better friend or romantic partner, you know that you’ll always be imperfect, and decide to love yourself anyway.“I've always been a jazz head," Halle says. “I don't know why, but there's something about the pain and the love and the heartbreak that you can truly feel through the essence of those songs that are sung by Billie Holiday, Nina Simone, Ella Fitzgerald.” As of late, Chloe’s “really, really been inspired by '90s music and early 2000s production,” a vibe you can hear and see in “Do It,” the second single off of Ungodly Hour.“We wanted to show our sensual side because we are growing as young women, but we still kept it classy and cute,” Chloe says. “It was just really fun for us to do that. We also wanted to start dancing this era, and just something really simple. And it makes us so happy to see everyone doing that dance on TikTok.”Chloe expands on how the name of the album and title track came about after working with the U.K. duo Disclosure: “We wrote this song [the title track “Ungodly Hour”] with Disclosure, and we had the best time,” she recalls. “I forgot what I was watching, but I heard the phrase ‘ungodly hour’ and wrote it in my notes. [It] kind of stuck out to all of us, and we were like, ‘What can you say with this?’ We all came up with this sentence: ‘Love me at the ungodly hour,’ which means love me when I'm at my worst; love me when I'm not all dolled up and made up. Love me when all my insecurities are out on the table.”’

“We started writing about when you're in a situationship with a guy and the chemistry is there, and you know the love is there and your connection is so deep, but he's not going all in," she continues. "For some reason he doesn't want to commit. He's entertaining other options, and it's just saying, ‘You know what? I love myself enough to walk away and put the brakes on this and to pause this. So when you decide you like yourself, when you decide you need someone, when you don't have to think about it — love me at the ungodly hour.’”Other emotionally complex tracks on the album include “Forgive Me,” a haunting song inspired by Chloe’s own life, after she discovered a guy she was involved with was going back and forth between her and another young woman. “I Wonder What She Thinks of Me” is a song that tells the story of the new love, the one a man gets with after he’s broken up with his ex.The vocalists are eager to make music that grows with them and becomes more layered as they do. “The way our music has evolved is exactly how we're evolving as young women,” Chloe says. The chromelike wings they turn around and show on their album cover, worn with black, latex dresses, are symbolic of their strength and power.When I ask what they hope for in the future, the Bailey sisters seem at ease. Chloe would love to work with BTS: “They're performing — it's top-notch. I'll sit at my computer and watch all of their music videos and all of their performances.”“Awards would be nice," she adds. "Being at the top of these Hot 100 lists would be beautiful and amazing, but as long as I'm growing and I'm a better version of myself tomorrow than I was today, I am content.”

The duo is used to releasing music during times of political duress. Two years ago, when Chloe x Halle were part of our music issue for the release of their debut album The Kids Are Alright, the world was grappling with an immigration travel ban enacted by President Donald Trump, the #MeToo movement, and pressing climate change legislation. That album was an intonation from the sisters to young activists approaching human rights issues head-on: “Do it while you young. Don't let them turn you numb. Don't let them get you strung. Ooh, let me put you on,” they sing on their first album's title song.“I was 15 through 17, and Chloe was 17 through 19 during the making of the album,” Halle says of their debut project. “We were still very young. We were still trying to figure out what we wanted, and I think that showed in the music.”As artists, the singers say their first album was about proving they could play an active, hands-on role in the production of their own music in an industry dominated by men. As two teenage women, it was about showing the world that, although they didn't have all the answers and weren’t sure what was lurking around every corner, they had the guts to find out. At that point in their careers they had been signed to Beyoncé’s Parkwood for five years and had released one other project, the Sugar Symphony EP, in 2016. But aside from opening tour performances and high-profile appearances, they hadn't become household names.

Now, amid a health pandemic and a country in unrest because of its history of white supremacy, Chloe and Halle are navigating being famous and also having a distinct voice. While finding ways to take care of themselves, the sisters are also promoting an album from their home, in the rooms where they first honed their craft as writers, instrumentalists, and producers. “We've kind of gotten back to our roots and started doing what originally got us started," Halle says, "which is doing YouTube covers, interacting on social media, and connecting with our beautiful fans through there.” A lot has changed in their personal lives as well. They're private about the details, but say they’re learning more about guys and finding themselves in relationships and situationships. They’re experiencing more love, heartbreak, and the misguided antics of boys. "We have to take our power back as women and not allow ourselves to be played,” Chloe riffs.In January, the third season of their Freeform show, grown-ish, dropped. In the college-centered comedy, led by Yara Shahidi, Chloe plays Jazz and Halle plays Sky, ambitious twin sisters who attend the fictional state school Cal U. Jazz is balancing being in love with her boyfriend Doug (played by Diggy Simmons) and schoolwork; Sky is focused on being a track star while navigating her interracial relationship. Like the sisters in real life, their characters are witty, impeccably stylish, and proud of their Blackness. But unlike Chloe and Halle, they’re far more overt about their love lives — often kissing in hallways and openly discussing their sex lives — and unfiltered opinions.Before stay-at-home orders went into place, Chloe and Halle had been expanding farther into Hollywood, and pursuing separate film projects.In July 2019, it was announced that Halle is set to play Ariel in the live-action The Little Mermaid. Many saw Halle’s breakout feature-film role as a huge win for inclusion, but, like clockwork, people on social media found an issue with the revamped iteration of Ariel being played by a Black woman. Halle spoke out on the discourse, telling Variety at the time, “I feel like I’m dreaming, and I’m just grateful. I don’t pay attention to the negativity. I just feel like this role is something bigger than me. It’s going to be beautiful.”

Halle remains grateful, but says of the negative criticism, “We've always learned to just keep our heads up no matter the situation. No matter what anybody has to say about you...just keep pushing.”

Like Halle, Chloe is also expanding her acting chops in feature projects. In December, Chloe wrapped filming for her role in the horror film The Georgetown Project, starring Russell Crowe and Ryan Simpkins. “I'm really protective of my energy, I'm very spiritual, and I love God,” she says about the thriller. “So I was constantly praying when I was on set. But surprisingly, the energy on set was so positive. And I learned so much by being around all of these Oscar-winning actors.”

Humility is a running trait between the sisters. They don’t hide their confidence, but are also God-fearing and incredibly gracious. They’re media-trained and polite, but also find a way to be frank. They say this album is a “whole different world” for them as they reveal more of their personalities, while exploring what it means to be grown women.

“We are learning to embrace who we truly are,” Chloe says about their music evolution. “Our insecurities, our sexuality, owning our power. I'm grateful that we are given a space where we can do that comfortably. And I'm grateful for our parents, because they instilled in us that we need to be strong and independent young women.”

[flowerthornsart]

Haven meets Sybil

A drabble that i ended up working on for the day, it ended up being longer than i thought it would (3493 words) but I’m super happy with the result!

CW for blood, body horror, and medical grossness

Applying for nursing jobs was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I wasn’t expecting to have a job right away, but with my rent, bills, and student loans cropping up, it’d be nice to get a higher paying job than door dash and Walmart. Sure, I was getting by, but it felt almost as though I had wasted those years studying. It was getting more and more disheartening with every email stating I wasn’t “quite what they were looking for”, if I even got an email or phone call back at all.

I was lying in bed, scrolling through social media, and trying not to let the weight of the last rejection email I had gotten suffocate me when a notification popped up.

 1 new email.

 I sat up a little, clicking on the notification and being taken to my inbox. I refreshed, and refreshed again, but nothing popped up. That’s when I noticed that there was a 1 next to the spam folder.

“Thank you for your application!” the title read, and I could feel my heart start to flutter with nervous excitement as I opened it up.

“Hello Miranda Havis, thank you for submitting your application. We here at Mending Collective have looked over your application and would love to interview you in person. Please give us a call at…”

I barely read the rest as I looked over the number, typing it into my phone and waiting with bated breath for an answer. After a long bout of ringing, it cut off suddenly.

“Mending Collective, Sybil speaking.”

The woman’s voice on the other end was low, in both volume and tone. It took me a second to speak up, nerves getting the best of me for a moment.

“Yes, this is Miranda Havis. I had gotten an email about the position?”

“Oh, Ms. Havis!” The voice sounded more sing song at that. “I’ve been waiting for your call; you’re wanting an interview, right? How about this, I have a client I’m going to meet tomorrow, so why don’t you come with me and show me just how good of an assistant you can be? It beats sitting in my office and asking a bunch of questions.”

“err…” I stammered, unsure what to think. This was in no way professional; I wasn’t sure how to react. “I could always meet you after, if you’re busy.”

“Well, if you’re there, you can show me how well you preform under pressure. If not, I can go alone and consider other applications.” She replied bluntly. “Meet me at the address listed on the email by 3:00 pm. If you come early with some coffee, that might warm me up to you more!” She cackled a bit at that. “Hope to see you then!”

Sybil hung up before I could even reply, and I was left stunned, mouth gaping. Did I really call the right number? I looked over the number listed again and again, even clicked through to the official site linked, only to be greeted with a very early 90s looking site. It had the same number, the address, and a little about the head and seemingly only doctor, Dr. Sybil. There was a picture of what looked to be an almost generic woman in a doctors’ uniform, face framed in grey hair and smiling a pearly white grin. The description of services was vague at best, things like “surgery, pharmaceuticals, and cleansing.” I sat back, eyebrows furrowed, and phone still clutched in my hand as the picture stared up at me. This couldn’t be real. To have a practice so small, to have such a strange doctor with an even stranger idea of an interview, it all seemed too crazy. But I did need the money, maybe Sybil was just getting started, as bizarre a start that would be.

I went through the rest of the day in a haze, flipping from going, or not going, or reasoning behind why someone would pull such an elaborate trick. Kidnapping? Murder? From sundown to sunup the next day, my mind was racing.

Yet I found myself getting dressed, and ready to go by 1:30. I wasn’t completely stupid, I texted a couple friends the address, a vague sense of what was going on, and what I was wearing to the ‘interview’. I didn’t tell them of the odd phone call, just that I felt safer letting them know where I was, since it was in the town over. I could tell they thought it was odd, but they assured me the interview would go well and to not be so nervous.

So, I drove, and picked up coffee on the way while I was at it. The office ended up being in a building consisting of different offices and clinics. If it wasn’t for her office being pushed into a back corner, the black out curtains covering the glass front along with the sign “by appointment only” being plastered on the door would have made it stick out like a sore thumb.

I shifted one of the coffees into the crook of my elbow and tapped twice on the door waiting for a response moment trying the door. It swung open, and the first thing I could smell was potpourri. Its strong scent in comparison to the slightly sterilized smell of the outside hallway made my nose itch, but I shook it off as I walked in. It wasn’t as dark as I thought it would be, the fluorescent lights overhead buzzing as I took in the room.

There were shelves of books, jars, knickknacks that made the whole area look eclectic. There were only a couple chairs in this, what I could only assume to be a waiting room. The plush carpet seemed to hold on to the scent of the potpourri on a couple of the shelves, though there were some petals and plants in there that I just couldn’t identify. The door on the other side of the room had the plaque for Sybil’s practice, though it still only listed the name “Dr. Sybil”. No first name or indication that she had any other surnames. Before I could go to knock on that door, it swung open.

I wasn’t expecting the doctor to be so tall, or to look so different from the picture online.

If I had to guess, Dr. Sybil is easily 6’0”, give or take. Her skin is a pale grey, oddly shiny in the fluorescent light as though she was drenched in water. Her hair was a pale, almost grey purple, her wild hair tied in two loose pigtails on either side of her face. Though the first thing I noticed after her height was the scowl on her face.

She had many sharp teeth, too many for a human to have. Her yellow sclera made her white eyes even more piercing, before her expression changed to a strange crooked smile.

“Oh, look who showed up! Ms. Haven, right?”

“uhm, M…Ms. Havis, ma’am.”

“I didn’t expect you to actually bring coffee! I can already tell we’re going to get along great.” She took the coffee cup from the crook of my arm. As she spoke, I could see glints of even more teeth peeking from the sides of her lips. She took a long swig of the coffee before looking to me again. “Follow me, I’ve got what we’ll need for the house call, and I think I have an extra mask for you.”

“extra mask? Wait-!” I finally bring myself to speak. “Who are you? I mean, what are you? What kind of practice is this?”

Sybil stopped at the door, turning back to me before shaking her head.

“Ah, I forgot I pulled from some human candidates. I didn’t realize I pulled from ones that are unfamiliar with less… mainstream practices.” She turned fully to look at me, tilting her head.

“you already know my name, but as for what I am… well, best way I can put this…” she furrowed her brows for a moment. “You know what a vampire is right?” I nod, taking a step back. “Christ, calm down, if I wanted to bite you I would. I’m sort of something like that, but not in the traditional way. I don’t turn other creatures to vampires, I don’t burn in the sunlight, I’m more akin to a leech, I suppose.”

Sybil pulled her lip back, revealing what I thought I had seen: Her teeth seemed to circle her mouth, and there were a few more hiding behind the from teeth.

“I’ve been around humans for centuries, long enough to learn about you, the way you work, and what shouldn’t be there. Including more supernatural things. That’s what we’re dealing with today.” Sybil put her hand on the handle of the door, looking at me expectantly. “I may have pulled resumes from places other than my usual, I forgot that humans don’t always want to dabble in this sort of environment. If you don’t want to come with me, that’s fine, I don’t even mind if you tell people, because who would believe you? I will say I pay handsomely, but this is ultimately your choice.”

“Handsomely? How much would the payment be?” I blurted out. As unsettling as Sybil herself was, and the idea there was more out there like her, I did still have rent to pay. Sybil’s grin crept back onto her face as she chuckled.

“There’s not exactly co-pay for the visits I do, usually I get to keep the money for myself. But I don’t really need a lot of money, just enough for upkeep and I get my meals as payment from the client as well.” She must have seen the horrified look on my face because she waved me off. “Its nothing deadly, I promise. The most the client has after is a bite mark. My point is, I don’t mind doing a fifty-fifty split with you. These sort of jobs are high demand, there’s very few people who can do it, and my services can range from 3,000-5,000. So, half of that at least 3 times a week if not more.”

I opened my mouth to speak, before closing again. That sounded like an amazing opportunity, almost too good to be true. But if there was even a chance… I nodded before speaking again.

“I’d like to try and see how this first day goes.” I replied, and Sybil gave me a firm pat on the shoulder.

“Atta girl, you’re a brave one Ms. Haven! Let’s get going.”

             The ride there went without a hitch, Sybil asking small questions and I asking small questions in return. Ones like “how was your day? what was college like? Man, the weather outside is too hot isn’t it?” It was almost like I wasn’t sitting next to a vampire leech. It wasn’t long before we pulled up outside of a residential house, a cookie cutter house that looked like the ones surrounding it, save for the tacky flamingo lawn ornaments outside. Sybil reached into the backseat, pulling out a bird mask before fishing out what looked like a gas mask. She measured the band between her fingers, looking from it, to me, before handing it over.

“Here. It’s good practice to have your face covered, and for a human like you, its best for creatures like these to not be able to recognize you later.”

I was about to ask, but she put her mask on and opened the car door, and I just went along with it. It fit fairly smug over my mouth and nose, my eyes the only thing really visible. I followed tentatively behind after Sybil retrieved a bag from the trunk. She knocked on the door, and I could hear the sound of multiple locks being slid open before it opened. A face of a man peeked out from the door, looking the two of us over before opening the door completely. He looked to be in his 50s, haggard, his T shirt drenched in sweat down the collar and pits. I shoot a glance to Sybil before she clears her throat.

“Good evening, Mr. Paisley, I take it Mrs. Paisley still isn’t feeling well?” She asked, a lilt of concern in her voice.

“Feeling well? She’s torn up the whole basement, she looks like a fucking nightmare!” He snapped, a tremble in his voice. Sybil lifted a hand.

“Language, sir. That’s why me and my assistant are here. Did you mix the sleeping medicine into her food like we discussed?”

“Y…yes… she fell asleep twenty minutes ago. She actually looked peaceful, and…” He trailed off, swallowing the knot in his throat before continuing. “Please help her, Doctor. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

Sybil nodded, walking past him as I followed after.

“So, what it sounds like is a possession, but not the usual demon kind. From what it sounds like, something implanted into her, maybe she ate something, on their last camping trip that’s been driving her to animalistic tendencies. My thoughts are that whatever it is, it’s using her like a skin suit. Its not too late to save her, though.” Sybil explained as we walked down the hallway, to the staircase that lead to the basement. She stopped, looking to me as I had very obviously paled at the thought. “Your job, quite simply, is to assist me in this surgery. Be alert: this is a live creature, and you’ll have me by your side. And this.”

She stepped down a couple steps, grabbing a baseball bat leaning on the stone wall and handing it to me. “your resume said you were quick on your feet, Ms. Haven, we’re putting that to the test.”

My stomach churned as I thought of turning back, but I felt I couldn’t just leave, not after entering this house. I followed after Sybil, closing the door behind me. The lights in the basement were dim, torn up cardboard boxes and the contents inside were strewn around the room, the stench of rotting meat mixed with the musty smell of the basement and made me gag. In the middle of the room was a woman, lying on her side. Red liquid was dried on her face, and her fingers looked caked in pieces of ground meat. Sybil pointed me to a knocked over ping pong table in the corner, and as quietly as I could I set it back upright. Sybil set the woman on the table, handing me plastic gloves, and putting on ones of her own. I swore I could see movement under the woman’s skin.

“Alright, lets start with the scalpel.”

For a bit, I was simply helping Sybil with tools, watching as blood pooled, cuts were cauterized, flesh was moved away, and her chest cavity revealed. Except, there wasn’t natural.

If you’ve never seen a teratoma before, it looks like a lump of flesh with teeth, eyes, but is ultimately benign. This, however, looked more like a large bone growth. I wouldn’t have thought it was alive if it didn’t have eyes that immediately snapped to me. It was nestled just below the ribs, the woman’s’ organs pushed out of the way enough to accommodate the boney mass as tendrils of flesh twisted into each other and were trailed out to keep it anchored in the body. It clicked and writhed in the light, making the woman’s skin undulate in different areas. I couldn’t see Sybils face, but I could hear a steely resolve in her voice.

“Be ready.” Is all she said, before grabbing the pair of forceps she had laying on the table and clamping it around the creature. There was a loud wail, muffled but still audible, as it tried desperately to get its hosts’ arms to move. One of its tendrils ripped through the skin of her forearm, bringing muscle with it before letting it fall back and shooting out at me on its own. It wrapped around the front of the gas mask with surprising force, pulling me forward and making me stumble nearly face first into the wound. I clawed at it as I started to coil around my neck, trying to get a grip on it but the mixture of blood and whatever other fluids it secreted made it hard to get any sort of hold. I looked to Sybil for help, but she was too busy dealing with the creature herself, fighting against a few of the tendrils as she pulled the creature with the forceps. As my vision started to get fuzzy, I spotted a scalpel on the table. I snatched it, using the last of my strength to plunge the blade into the creature. Another muffled shriek escaped the core as I stabbed, it pulled tighter around my neck until I sawed through the flesh, an off-white ooze bursting from the middle and smelling distinctly of sulfur and rotting flesh.

“Get the bat!” Sybil yelled, yanking the forceps back and falling flat on her back as the creature was pulled from the body with sickening pops and squelches. It wriggled, the full length of its tendrils finally on display, tall enough to easily pull away from Sybil. I could see now why the screeches were so muffled: teeth clattered on the top of its form, stained red from having been buried in the flesh surrounding it for so long. It attacked Sybil head on, ripping into her now held up arm to protect her face and mask. Quick as I could I wound up with the bat, smacking it hard enough to launch it across the room. The force of the hit and how hard it slammed into the wall caused it to crack open, grey brain matter oozing with that same off-white fluid pouring onto the floor. It twitched and gurgled, still trying to crawl towards us before the extent of its injuries finally caught up to it, curling into itself and going still.

“good work, Ms. Haven.” Sybil panted, a rivulet of blood staining her sleeve. “Take this jar and this solution, scoop some of that creature into the jar and whatever else is there, dissolve it in the solution. I’m going to fix Mrs. Paisley up.”

How she was so nonchalant about what just happened, I don’t know, but the rest of that procedure was a blur. I vaguely remember scooping the remains into the jar, tightening the lid, and cleaning up the excess. My body felt shaky with adrenaline, and I remember Sybil telling me to take the bag and jar to the car while she discussed payment with Mr. Paisley. I heard the front door open after what felt like hours, but what could have only been a few minutes, with Sybil walking out to the car while Mr. Paisley waved, looking relieved and less haggard than before. I couldn’t help but stare at the wound on his shoulder, ringed teeth marks threatening to bleed again until Sybil blocked my view by leaning on my door.

“Ms. Haven, hand me the gauze, I didn’t even realize I was bleeding until now.”

I nodded, reaching into the back, and grabbing the gauze, passing it through the window. She wrapped her arm as she walked to the driver’s side, sliding in, and tearing the gauze with her fingernails before tucking the excess in.

“M…my name is Ms. Havis.” Was the only thing I could think to blurt out.

“Oh. Do you mind if I call you Haven? It rolls off the tongue a little better.” She smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but notice the red tint. I nodded and sat back in my seat. “You did wonderful, by the way. You’re stronger than I thought! You handled it like a professional, so I guess college is good for something!” She laughed. “Listen, you’re going to see and deal with a lot of dangerous things working with me, but on the bright side, we got 4,000 for that arrangement. So, 2,000 in one day isn’t so bad, right?”

I nod, smiling a little up at her as she started the car, taking off her face mask. I pulled mine off as well, feeling how sore my throat was after that ordeal. It felt like that surgery should have taken the whole night, but it was only an hour and a half tops. Maybe it was the adrenaline, but it was just as exciting as it was frightening, and the money was great already.

“I think I would like to work with you again, Doctor.” I said, and Sybil cracked a genuine smile.

“I’d hope so! Let’s get some booze, and some food in you, and we can discuss if you want it in cash or not.”

An odd start, for sure, but I was starting to get used to strangeness already.

[the-starsabove-you]

The Spotlight

Chapter 23- The Morning After Michelle groaned as her alarm clock rang and she quickly turned off her phone. She looked over and saw no messages. It had been a couple of days since the fight between Mat and Michelle. There wasn’t any messages from Mat and Michelle would call, but Mat wouldn’t answer. She rolled out of bed and grabbed her suitcase and moved to to pack a couple of things as she was traveling to LA for a gig. It was a standard fashion show. Michelle turned on the speaker and singing along to a couple of songs. It wasn’t until her phone rang and she saw it was Emily. She picked up “Hey Em, you ready to head to LA for a few days, ready to enjoy the sun?” She asked and Emily sighed “What happened between you and Mat?” She asked and Michelle let out a breath “How did you know something happened?” “Because I’ve been trying to spend time with my boyfriend. But Mat has been showing up to Tito’s apartment and they’ve been hanging out and talking. Mat seems to not wanna talk about it in front of me so I ended up leaving” “Mat and I had a fight at the red carpet event. It didn’t get solved and he left” She mumbled and Emily stopped her “We have a long flight ahead of us, you can tell me everything. Because it sounds like a long story” “Good idea” Michelle mumbled. She looked at the clock “I’m getting picked up in half an hour. I’ll meet you at the airport” “I already have my travel pillow and eye mask ready” She said and Michelle smiled “How are you and Tito doing?” “I really like him Mich, I don’t wanna say that L word so soon.. But I feel myself falling for him more and more every day” She said and Michelle smiled at that “Well you can tell me about Mr. Loverboy when we’re at the hotel. Are you gonna spend time with your parents?” She asked and Emily smiled “Yeah, I’m gonna have dinner with them. You’re more than welcome to join too” “Please, I miss your mom so much” She said and Emily chuckled “She misses you too, you’re her adopted daughter” Michelle and Emily talked more until Michelle got a text that her phone beeped and saw that her car was there. She said bye to Emily before grabbing her suitcase and some other things before heading downstairs. Sitting in the car, Michelle looked at her phone before opening up her messages and hitting Mat’s name. She sat there for a few moments until she noticed that there was a gray bubble and clearly Mat was typing something. Michelle waited to see if Mat would send something but the gray bubble left. Not coming back. Michelle wasn’t gonna force Mat to talk to her. So she typed out a message and sent it. ‘Hey, I’m going to LA for a few days. Work’ She left it at that, and didn’t want to bother with it. If Mat wanted to text her, he could. Once she found Emily and they boarded the plane. They were settled in their seats. Emily leaning back into her seat “So, what happened between you and Barzy?” She asked. Michelle explained everything that happened. Emily nodded and listened to the story. Emily clearly could tell that Michelle was still bothered and she sighed “Honestly, you both need to blow off some steam. I know Tito and him are gonna have a boys weekend” She said and Michelle sighed “What if he’s just tired of this? Dating me?” She questioned Emily gave her a look “He would have broke it off with you already, he wouldn’t lead you on” Michelle sighed “What if he goes to a bar and just finds a normal girl, someone that doesn’t get hounded by cameras following them?” She asked and Emily narrowed her eyes “Then I’ll punch him. But I don’t think he would give up so easily on you two” Michelle nodded “I’ll give him time to cool down.. God knows I have to face Marie’s wrath soon anyways” Emily’s eyes widen “Oh, I’m running for the hills when that day comes. I’m not going to be anywhere near that lady. I’m already scared of visiting her when I’m going to pick up my checks and she just gives me a simple hello” Michelle sighed loudly “Can anything get worse?” She questioned and Emily sighed “If there’s no snacks on this plane.. It’s a nightmare” They finally landed and they took a car to Emily’s house. Her mother lived near Saint Moncia’s piers. Emily’s mother was a sweet woman, very funny as well. She always had a smile on her face and had a good story to tell. Emily knocked on the door and Emily’s mother opened the door with a squeal as she hugged her daughter tightly “I’ve missed you!” Emily chuckled as she hugged her mother back “I’ve missed you too! It’s been a while” She said and her mom gave her a look “It has! I was getting worried that you finally had enough of me and changed your name and hair color and were going to disappear off the face of the earth.” “That’s gonna happen one day, when you least expect it” Emily said as her mother punched her arm and she saw Michelle “Michelle!” She said bringing her into a tight hug, Michelle laughing “Hi, Ms Smith. How’s everything?” “Working on a couple of patients. Being a plastic surgeon is quite busy” Ms. Smith said and Michelle nodded. Ms. Smith looked just like Emily, with the dirty blonde hair and had green eyes. She was a very skilled surgeon and had important clients. But Ms. Smith never liked to brag. “Sammy isn’t here?” Emily asked and Ms. Smith shook her head “He left a couple of days ago, on a business trip. Should be back soon, he’s in London for work and being a 26 year old man” “Damn it, I always miss Sammy when I’m around” Michelle snapped her finger and Emily laughed “Your little crush on my older brother is always amusing.” She said and Michelle gave him a look  “I don’t have a crush on him. I just admire his work” “Yes because he’s a good businessman and a doctor, you totally don’t have a crush on him.” Emily said and Michelle looked at Ms. Smith “She’s bullying me!” Ms. Smith gave her daughter a look “Don’t tease her” She said and gave Michelle a smile “Sammy said hello to you, he says you guys should get together and have lunch. He knows that you had studied to become a doctor before becoming a model. So he was interested in what you knew” Ms. Smith ushered the two girls inside “Since my two girls are here, I thought it would nice for Tacos” Michelle punched the air “I missed your tacos!” Both girls running to the counter to assemble their tacos. Ms. Smith sat down and had her evening tea and both girls were sitting at the table, enjoying their tacos. “So, how’s your boys doing?” Ms. Smith said and Emily nodded “Tito is great, I’ll join him when he comes face the LA Kings so I can introduce you to him and take you to the game. But he’s so amazing.” She said and Ms. Smith nodded in approval “As long as you’re happy, my love, then I’m happy. I’m sure Sammy will be excited to meet

“My boy and I are currently trouble in paradise” Michelle muttered and Ms. Smith looked at her “Oh no, what happened?” “I took him to a red carpet event, the paps were treating him like shit and I snapped at them. Then he got upset and went on about how he should have never came and that he wanted to keep our relationship private” 

Ms Smith observed Michelle and sighed “You both are in the wrong” She said and took a sip of her tea “He should have been more vocal about doing this red carpet event. You shouldn’t have snapped at the media because it’s probably gaining a lot of attention now” Michelle groaned “I haven’t been on the internet for a couple of days, I don’t want to know how much attention this got” She muttered and Emily gave her a look “Trust me, you and Mat were trending on twitter at one point” “Oh Marie is gonna kill me” She muttered and looked at her phone “I’ve been literally ignoring her phone calls” “Karma is gonna be a bitch because you’re gonna have to face her sooner than later” Emily said and Michelle sighed “Can I move to another city? I heard Vegas is cool.” Emily gave her a look “Stop being dramatic.. I think the first thing is to fix things up with Mat. The poor guy looked miserable when he came to Tito’s house.” She said and Michelle sighed “I just don't know how to approach him about this.” She whispered “You both just admit that you’re both wrong.. And talk it out” Ms Smith said and Emily nodded “That boy looks at you like you’re his entire world. I’m pretty sure he’s stuck too on what to say or do” “But don’t give up on him.. I know he wouldn’t give up on you either” Emily said and Michelle sighed and nodded “Okay..” “I know Tito and him want to go to the Brooklyn Nets game. I can ask if we can tag along” “Hopefully we can talk then” Michelle muttered and Emily went to her phone “Great, I’m gonna text Tito to tell him” Michelle and Emily were eating dinner and Emily looked over at Michelle “Wanna head to a club? We haven’t done our secret outings since after we moved to New York” She said and Michelle nodded “Sure, it’s been a while” “Can’t be too late, you have a gig tomorrow right?” Ms Smith asked and Michelle nodded “Not going crazy on drinking either.” She said and Emily nodded “Great, let’s get going!” Emily had retreated to her room to get changed and Michelle took the guest room. She changed into a leather-like jeans with a Guns n Roses t-shirt and a black leather jacket. Her hair in a neat pony-tail. Emily knocked on the door and she came in, wearing a black skirt and white blouse with a jacket over “Oh you look hot” She said and Michelle grinned “Thanks, I thought it would turn heads” She said and Emily smirked “You mean turn Mat’s head” She said and Michelle gave her a look “Please, Mat probably won’t acknowledge my existence tonight” Emily was now giving her a look “You clearly don’t understand men then” She said and Michelle sighed “Well I was invisible until I got famous.. So no, I don’t understand men” Emily snorted “Well, let’s start with the first thing. Give me your phone” She said and Michelle gave her the phone and had a look “What are you doing Em?” “I’m gonna be your personal photographer and taking videos of you, so shut up and look cute” Michelle huffed as she posed, Emily taking pictures and she chuckled “Also, I’m taking over your Insta” She said as Michelle looked at her “Excuse me?” She said as Emily smirked as she tapped a couple of pictures “And done, wait for it..” After a couple of moments, Emily and Michelle left the house to go to a club nearby. The LA city life was always beautiful. Emily grabbing Michelle’s phone as she took videos of Michelle walking and admiring the city life It wasn’t until an hour later, Michelle was standing near the dance floor and she was checking her phone and her insta stories and saw Mat was actually watching them. Michelle sighed and shook her head. She knew that Mat wouldn’t say anything. So she left her phone in her pocket as she danced the night away in LA.

[thebandcampdiaries]

Fish In a Birdcage introducing a brand new studio release: Waterfall

December 2020 - Fish In a Birdcage is an artist with a focus on creating beautiful and personal indie-folk songs with a broader creative twist. Recently, the act released a brand new studio album named "Waterfall," which feels like a great calling card for the artist and his work.

The sound quality is pristine, and the record has a beautiful production: bright and crisp, highlighting the varied melodic textures of each song. This album has a really cool aesthetic concept, with each song billed as a “Rule,” not necessarily following the number order based on the playlist, but rather creating a continuity with the artist’s previous releases. Rule #1 is featured on the artist’s 2014 debut, beginning a serious that would go on to reach #22, the last song on this album.

 The title track itself combines anthemic drums with melodic vocals and intricate guitar patterns, in the vein of artists like Ben Howard. There is even room for a more old-school feel: the song "Fiddler's Heart" has a cool folk vibe with a playful and witty sound. "Four Aces" is a song with a very theatrical feel to it: I could almost picture Tom Waits coming in and crashing the party with his howling vocals! On the other hand, this track remains melodic, with a beautiful approach to storytelling.

"Movies" is a playful song with a more alternative touch and a really fantastic arrangement. I enjoy the way the vocals lock in with the harmonies, and the guitars create a nice rhythm counterpoint with the drums and bass. Instead of everything being traditionally assembled, it seems like every instrument has its own space, and they overlap beautifully on "common ground."

"Two Sides" has a more old-fashioned feel, with a bluesy flavor and an amazingly relatable arrangement with stunning vocals by Kristina Helene taking the lead.

The track "Lion" is another fantastic example of the artist's incredible creativity and ability to swiftly combine genres and ideas. This song is catchy and immediate, combining elements of alt-pop with folk and a bluesy touch.

"Amigo" is another blues-influenced country, with a bit of a funk influence. The vocals really make me think of Anthony Kiedis during the golden age of Red Hot Chili Peppers (especially One Hot Minute / Mother Milk era). "Blessed by a Curse" is perhaps one of the most melancholic sounds on this release, and I really enjoy how the song starts small and understated, letting some of the ethereal background sounds creep in and become more prominent as the arrangement goes along.

"Momento Mori" is a beautiful song with a very creative feel and a really unexpected twist. The intro is mellow and slow-paced, but the track turns into a syncopated jam, with so much groove and rhythm. The vocal performance is incredibly distinctive, providing a completely different vibe and giving the album a kaleidoscopic twist since every track has something new to offer.

The final song is an intimate ballad titled "If Trees Could Talk." This is one of the most heart-wrenching songs on the album, and it really makes me think of artists like Damien Rice, as well as earlier stuff from Ed Sheeran and John Mayer. This song is a winning example of how "less is more" when you do it with your heart first. The song's arrangement is mostly built on guitar and vocals, although some additional colors, such as a nice string section, chime in, later on, adding more depth to this particular release.

Overall. This album is a very beautiful artistic achievement, and it is incredibly well-produced. The sound of the instruments is very natural and engaging, as Fish in a Birdcage managed to create a warmer sound that's far from the overproduced indie-folk releases that you see around these days. Instead of obvious pitch corrections and digital samples on everything, we're faced with a more organic sound, which makes it so much easier to experience a positive one-on-one connection with this music. As a listener, I always find myself gravitating towards the songs that are a bit more spontaneous and heartfelt in this genre, rather than the ones that hide the artist's humanity behind a thick veil of studio production trickery. While the mixing, recording, and mastering are extremely professional on this album, there is also a lot of room for those "beautiful accident," those natural sounds like the hands moving on the guitar strings or a singer breathing in before a line, that you can only capture if you stay true to the sound of the music being performed, instead of trying to bury it.

The album features ten songs. This fact in itself is quite an amazing achievement. If you stop for a moment and take a look at what most artists are doing, you'll find that singles and short EPs are everywhere. The industry is pushing a trend of releasing smaller bursts of music at a more frequent rate in order to continually provide content for the audience. While this might be a good way to keep your presence on platforms with fresh music more frequently, it might not be ideal if you want to give your audience something more. I personally love a more immersive listening experience, so I am always thankful to see artists like Fish In A Birdcage still working on full-length albums.

This release comes highly recommended, especially if you are a fan of artists such as Elliott Smith, as well as Damien Rice, Jack Johnson, Bright Eyes, Beirut, or Death Cab For Cutie, only to mention a few.

Find out more about Fish In a Birdcage and listen to "Waterfall," which is currently available on your favorite digital streaming platforms.

http://www.fishinabirdcage.com/

https://open.spotify.com/album/4RX7OLRicCMQ4ORUJTQVTm?si=-o44rIMZTyCtz0cC6RMPFg

We also featured one of the songs on our Indie Gems playlist, along other amazing international artists to discover!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3vCtmkPDbpE9pj5DfJnycU?si=sBxnZjkgTuGpL90BUVUiZw

We also had the opportunity to ask the artist a few questions: keep reading for more!

I love how you manage to render your tracks so personal and organic. Does the melody come first, or do you focus on the beat the most?

Answer: It really depends on if I'm writing lyrics or if i'm creating an instrumental melody. If I'm making lyrics I will create the Cello/Mandocello riff/rhythm first, something that I find really captivating, and then try to find the emotion within that riff to draw the lyrics from. If its instrumental most of the time I'll sing melodies into the air without chords and then find the chords that accompany the melody later on 🙂. The beat comes later when I have a producer on my side. I try to just focus on the cello/mandocello mixed with vocals, then find musicians of the instruments I want to hear within that track, then give them complete freedom to create whatever they want. Most of the time it turns out better than I could have ever imagined. 

Do you perform live? If so, do you feel more comfortable on a stage or within the walls of the recording studio?

Answer: Oh definitely more comfortable on a stage, or even more comfortable in a house concert type setting. It's definitely a lot more stripped down live because most of the time it's just me, my cello, my loop pedal and vocals. Getting used to playing to a click track without singing when I first got into a studio was the hardest part of recording, to get that solid chord structure with rhythms laid out so we could build the song around that.

If you could only pick one song to make a “first impression” on a new listener, which song would you pick and why?

Answer: This is a really tough question, because over the years I've loved asking people "what track is your favorite" and the range of answers is great. So many people have different favorites and that tells me I'm onto something. A lot of the older generation has told me they really like "Rule #7 - Angel Tango, and Rule #12 - Through the Tides" when the younger generation really digs the quirky vibes of some of the newer tracks like "Rule #15 - Four Aces"

My favorite changes over time. But I think the one that holds the most meaning for me is "Rule #3 - Paperwork", although it's an older song, it really goes back to my roots of when I really fell in love with songwriting and music.

What does it take to be “innovative” in music? 

Answer: I think it comes down to pushing your own limits constantly. I'm constantly trying to improve my cello playing in as many different genres as I can possibly dive into. I think you are a combination of every person you've sat in a room with and had a conversation with, and that includes speaking through instruments. I wouldn't be creating the music that I do without playing with all of the bands that I've played with over the years. I've heard so many incredible musicians blow my mind and those influences have rubbed off on me. 

Any upcoming release or tour your way?

Answer: I have album number 4 in the works, it will most likely be an instrumental album, just cello with multiple layers. That's what I'm working on these days. And the discography of fish in a birdcage is basically chapters of my life as I make my way through this musical journey. It won't be recorded for a while although. Because recording is not cheap. 

And because of COVID-19, it's just hitting the practice shed and busking until things become somewhat normal again. 

Anywhere online where curious fans can listen to your music and find out more about you?

Answer: fishinabirdcage.com is probably the best place to find that, and I'm pretty active on Instagram @fishinabirdcage so any updates will tend to pop up on there. 🙂 Thanks for the interview! This was a lot of fun!

[cowboyshit]

@adampage tumblr did a dumbass thing and messed up the read-more to where I couldn’t put it under one so I had to delete your ask and I’m making a separate post for this disaster of a ramble hoooo boy i hope you’re ready for what you’ve unleashed

adampage  asked: ma’am I know you’re high off your rocker but if you have time would you please critique hangman’s playlist for me bc I want to know your thoughts 🥰 anyway yeehaw

OH MY GOD yes???? yes I fucking WILL?????? let’s just pump the breaks on what i was doing right the fuck now, get his playlist in front of me (even though ive been listening to it nonstop and have so many things to ALREADY SAY) and talk about this shit. im sorry if this isn’t coherent im pry just gonna ramble. (edit to add now that I’m done: ITS FREAKING 3252 WORDS LONG LMAO OH MY GOD)

first and foremost. I Love It. let’s just slap that down. get that out of the way. ITS SO GOOD. SO FUCKING GOOD. also this is going under a readmore cause YEAH. it’s THAT LONG.

let’s start first with mr. adam ‘i taught graphic design when i was 20 and learned adobe illustrator and photoshop to design my own tshirts when i was an indie wrestler’ page’s cover image. wait. no. back up - look at the profile image he chose for his profile. it’s not a selfie. it’s not a picture he snapped with his camera. it’s a screenshot of the “has been drinking” moment on aew dynamite. what a lovable FOOL. he really saved that and put that as his profile pic im skjdfkjfd okay now swing back to the anxious millenial design with the signed hangman adam page for the cover. he designed that. I swear he did. I swear he did that. I could be wrong but I just feel it in my bones. that was him. also, THAT should have been the vintage shirt. cowboy shit is cute but ANXIOUS MILLENNIAL COWBOY? I NEED THAT AS THE SHIRT!

okay now let’s get into the songs. wait. before i go through it I do want to say something about the playlist overall.

I can’t decide if this is because he shares so many similarities to the character hangman adam page, but so many of these songs apply to his character like, this fucking playlist plays like a hangman adam page THE CHARACTER playlist. like this is the playlist i’d find on 8tracks back when that was the “thing” in fandom where every song makes me go “OMG THAT IS THAT CHARACTER” like. I don’t know if he did that purposefully as an extension of the character? or if it just happens to line up because of how similar he is and his story is to his character but SOME of these songs wooooo boy they get deep dont they? when you compare them to the character?

okay. songs.

so I know some of these, especially the classics, summertime of course, but for the ones I didn’t know I love them so much. they have such a vibe that just fits him, and they’re all so good???

rather low by nick shoulders is one I didn’t know and I fucking LOVE it. and look. it goes from Long Time Gone by the Dixie Chicks. Long Time Gone about being away from the country life, from home and if my THEORY is right about this playlist hitting the character, hangman is struggling with being lost, without a family. it goes from that to rather low, which talks about not being welcome at home. like “I told you once I told you twice, I’m steeped in verse and cursed in vice” ajdskjds GOOD lyrics. beat slaps. song slaps. I love it.

okay so we go roll on mississippi which is soft compared to the two upbeat songs that just hit us before. calms you down after that high energy beat rather low had. lets you breathe. AND it’s got a sad, soft, longing pull to it, falling in with more of those “lost” from home themes. “You're the childhood dream that I grew up on. Roll on Mississippi, carry me home. Now I can see I've been away too long.” UGH! and also, it’s just a good fucking song.

then we go to a song i haven’t heard and love, going places by aubrie sellers. it’s a little bit funkier, but still soft. also groovy as FUCK. and it obv talks about GOING places. so maybe the first three songs were about the home he’s left behind, but now it’s about where he’s going. and man this song just SLAPS.

A CLASSIC is next, 1970 something illegal smile by john prine. it has that classic soft croon, such a good country sound and it’s a little bit playful. it makes you wanna smile and sway back and forth. it’s a good song. fun. but it’s almost a little bit. dark? “ Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone. No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun. Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls, tryin' to get away from all the ears inside my walls. I dreamed the police heard everything I thought, what then?” it just makes me think of when his character “killed” joey ryan. I could be looking too far into it but, that’s what popped into my head.

OKAY NOW this next one. fuck yeah I DIG this song. I hadn’t heard this song and it quickly went into my liked songs. and if we’re following his character, the lyrics hit HARD. “ I've lost the will to try this worthless lullaby. Its melody won't fly me past oblivion. I bet it would be nice to find that paradise, a world of sparkling light beyond the setting sun. But I don't dream anymore” ugh !!!!!!! UGGGHH!! SO GOOD?? and even the slight upbeat to it. “would if I could but I don’t dream anymore” uuuuggghhh SO GOOD. love this song. one of my faves of the whole list for sure.

the next two back-to-back are CLASSICS and fit the hangman adam page character so damn perfect. i’ve even looked at lyrics from merle haggard’s i don’t want to sober up to night for adam in the past akjfdkjdsf it’s fucking perfect. and then followed by dwight yoakam’s honky tonk man?! amazing. we go from from fucking heart-wrenching lyrics if you think about them for him: “ I don't want to sober up tonight. I don't want to act like things are alright, and I don't want to change just to make you think I'm happy. That's my right, I don't want to sober up tonight. I want to keep my mind a little hazy. I don't care if all my friends think I'm crazy. The way I treat myself I might be a little crazy But that's alright, I don't want to sober up tonight. I'm here to drown another day of misery. I'm in here to spend one night without a mem'ry and the way I'm drinking now there won't be any memory. But it's alright, I don't want to sober up tonight” to HONKY TONK MAN. HONKY. TONK. MAN. “ Well I'm a honky tonk man and I can't seem to stop. I love to give the girls a whirl to the music of an old jukebox, but when my money's all gone, I'm on the telephone singing, hey hey mama can your daddy come home?” ajhsdjksdjkf like. look. partying hangman, drunk, swinging a girl around in the country bar???? cause he refused to sober up and just wanted to have fun? anyways regardless if there’s a connection or if im reaching, these are some good classics to pull out right here. honky tonk man will ALWAYS bring the party back up.

another song I didn’t know but now love? happy reunion by colter wall? this is a good freaking cowboy song??? and it’s a cute story???? about what a cowboy does during his day??? what the fuck? riding along the range with his dog, helping the cow, getting the calf back that’d gotten lost???? CUTE? anyways this is a vibin as HELL song and if it’d come out when I was still raising cows my ass woulda been blasting this shit as I drove to feed the herd for SURE. this song is a whole ass vibe and I’m digging it.

okay. walk through fire by yola? another i didn’t know (which - so far it seems all the songs that arent classics - spare dixie chicks - are from 2019) and I am obsessed with???? it’s so good? and fuck just such a good love song??? “Standing on the side of the river. Staring across the great divide. I'd give all my gold and silver just to get to the other side. Your love is like a rescue vessel, carries me through the night through these flames of destruction. I know you're gonna make it right. I know, I know you're gonna save my life.“ LIKE? HENLO????????? FUCK!!!! THATS SO GOOD. that whole song I could post all the lyrics tbh. and the way she CROONS it ugh. yeah. I love that song.

FUCKIN YES. DOLLY FUCKIN PARTON. youre not gonna make a country playlist and not include a dolly parton song boy i KNOW IT. and the song choice??? hm? remind you of a CERTAIN COWBOYS STRUGGLE WITH NOT HAVING A HOME???? “What difference does it make which way I go, got an empty feelin' down inside. Still I need to stay alive and who can tell what waits beyond this road. I'm a drifter” ajdfshjsd god I love dolly. and of COURSE he does too. i’m so pleased by this choice I can’t stop smiling. ugh. love this. love dolly.

sandpaper oneside, rubber other by the bobby tenderloin universe what do you know? another 2019 song I didn’t know and yet absolutely LOVE. I also am loving how he does a mix of classics with newer (but still almost classic-country sounding, maybe like. classic meets modern) country music in this playlist. AND WHAT A SONG. it’s so good? and again, just makes me think of the character. “there are two minds inside me. that’s one life too many. but i keep moving slow on both sides, strong as I can be.” tell me that doesnt make you think of hangman adam page. and it has such a... sad vibe. “i cant believe the things i am. as much a lion as a lamb” !!!!!!!!!!! ugh such a GOOD LINE. THAT SLAPS. LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh this song. especially the back vocals of the woman that comes in later on? it’s like. ethereal. beautiful. fucking beautiful and almost haunting. paired with the sad lyrics? UGH. gorgeous.

long white line by sturgill simpson i do know and LOVE and it’s got a fun, uplifting cowboy beat following the more slow, sad croon of the last song. it’s SO COUNTRY. the way it’s sung? SO COUNTRY. and also ajdfskjsd adam. “I woke up my baby was gone without her I don't need no home” and “Gonna' push this rig 'til I push that girl out of my mind. If somebody wants to know what's become of this so and so tell em' I'm somewhere looking for the end of that long white line” kjdjkfdkjf this is just such a country song, and it fits SO well, especially after that previous pick.

now we go from two new songs to another classic. another (i think) 1970s country hit. lonesome, on’ry and mean is SUCH a classic country song. it has that good old sound, and the story it tells too. and just, I can’t stop thinking about hangman just “ Been driving these highways, been doing things my way. It's been making me lonesome on'ry and mean.” ajdskjflkf it’s fair to say that character IS lonesome, on’ry and mean right now. anyways, fun country song regardless and I DIG the addition.

okay back to a newer song and holy shit. this is my personal favorite of the new songs he introduced me to. this song I LOVE this song. fuuun FUN beat, makes me want to fucking GROOVE. I love love love this, and I love the way the singer sings? it just makes me wanna UGH. just wanna sway to it. the whine in the croon I just love. and the BEAT. the beat is so fucking good. and the lyrics? “I'm that wholesome Midwestern boy that you want to bring home to your mama. Even though I bring you joy, baby I'm not the toy you wanna play with at night. Too many things I've seen. Too many people and places I've been. I'm thinking about doing those things I shouldn't be doing. Something I've never done before. I want something to fuck me up. Need somebody to fuck me up. Everyone feels like it. Fuck me up, fuck me up, fuck me up” ajdsjkds I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH “Well I might go and get drunk and stoned 'cause it's better than being only crazy. If I ever come back, wherever I end up at is where I was supposed to be.” it’s so perfect for his character it drives me crazy. this is a song I’d listen to and first, groove to, and then be like THIS SONG IS HANGMAN. love this song. absolutely a favorite.

the next song though. the next song. fucking hangman adam page and his love of biscuits. southern biscuits by seasick steve oh. my. god. this BOY. THIS COUNTRY BOY. THIS BISCUIT LOVIN COUNTRY BOY. this is such a damn good addition. not only is it so fucking country, almost. spoken/sung? the soft hum with the fucking banjo??? and of COURSE of course he knows and loves this song I can’t with him. and it hits you with the: “ Southern biscuits, nothin' better in the world 'less they're made for you, by your southern girl.” and I go UWU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

two new songs so guess what? classic time. BALANCE. HE’S KEEPING BALANCE. I swear he’s done this purposefully and I could be crazy I could be giving him more credit than is due but I swear he’s picked the arrangement of songs too. because this is too coincidental. so, we’ve got our classic livin on the run by david allan coe. what a DARK song to go with. about a man who murders a woman and lives on the run (again, can’t help but think of the joey ryan murder thing, but hey. that’s just me grasping for straws) regardless if it ties or not, it’s a good classic and it’s fun to croon to even if its uh. dark but sung like. upbeat? almost???

okay, another classic and, to me, one of the sexiest songs on this playlist. I fucking love this song. it’s sexy with an underlying of dark. she literally seduces and knocks the guy out and robs him blind and he’s STILL craving her summer wine like. this song is SO GOOD. so fucking good. the way the music swells with the storytelling is beautiful. “Strawberries cherries and an angel's kiss in spring, my summer wine is really made from all these things. Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time, and I will give to you summer wine” is just so ajkdfskjdfs ugh i love this song

and guess what? two classics so we’re swinging to a newer song. left turn on a red light by blackfoot. oof. I didn’t know this song and it hit me, it’s so good and I know im saying that about all of them but Honestly. “ Sun shines down on the desert, and it seems to make my life a haze, and I dream of my childhood sweetheart,and the freedom that I had in those days.” UGH. “ Will I always be a rambler? Will the ones I love always keep tellin' me, "You stare too long in the mirror, son, someday you'll be too blind to see.” HELLO???? those lyrics? SO GOOD. and again applying them to hangman just makes me FERAL SCREAM.

cowboys and hippies by cody jinks is such a hangman song it’s almost unreal. if I was going to REALLY reach I’d say it almost reminds me of the way the crowd pulls him back. “At some old honkytonk bar that I know by the smell, some old drunk on a barstool on a Merle Haggard tune. That's my kind of room. Raising hell with the hippies and the cowboys. They don't care about no trends, they don't care about songs that sell. Yeah, tomorrow I'll be gone, so tonight everybody just sing along, raising hell with the hippies and the cowboys” GOOD LYRICS. this has the same sad undertones too as a lot of these songs have too.

ugh. I love him sincerely for this next one. blue skies is one of my favorite songs, but blue skies by willie nelson? YES. my grandpa used to play willie nelson ALL THE TIME and I love this version. an uplifting song to follow the heavier songs. I’d like to think of a hangman who has the blue skies from now on. all of his blue days gone. this song is such a classic (cover) that just. good pick. I love this.

alright, so we’ve got a classic but he’s chosen the version from bojack horseman which makes me think that might’ve been the first time he heard it, but that’s neither here nor there. stars is a BEAUTIFUL song. and boy am I happy we had blue skies before this cause fuck. how sad? how emotional?????? “People lust for fame like athletes in a game, we break our collarbones and come up swinging, some of us are downed some of us are crowned, and some are lost and never found” fuck. fuck fuck fuck. and the last two lines, thinking about hangman? “So if you don't lose patience with my fumbling around, I'll come up singing for you, even when I'm down.” FUCK. my HEART. good pick but OUCH. good but ow.

summertime by orville peck is next BLESS finally an orville song I was gonna lose it on him if he put a playlist and DIDN’T include an orville song. interesting though he went with summertime, the newest, and not any of the ones off pony. but! it follows stars well. its soft, lull, and the lyrics are so hangman now that I put it in this context. “Catch 'em by surprise and chasin' the horizon, nothing holds me down. Askin', "Where the time's gone?" Dreamin' with the lights on, tryna keep your eyes on something along the rise" anyways I know YOU know this song well it’s so fucking good. has that same soft pull a lot of these songs have. the way that chorus swells though? the secondary vocals??? ugh. yeah this was a great choice, I’m glad he went with summertime. it fits the vibe of this playlist so well.

we’re ending on a song with such a country sound to it (i mean all of these do), a bit more upbeat, a bit more funky. “Some say I'm a wild man, drink too much nectar from the corn” and also “Oh the school, it wasn't for me. I earned my stripes a different way I learned to sing harmony and go play out on the stage” definitely makes me think of hangman for SURE. it’s a funky song to end on, and if you keep listening to the playlist on repeat like I do, it even falls into long time gone really well.

and of course this is assuming you’re meant to listen to them one after the other and not on shuffle. I’m sure it still works on shuffle but I LOVE the flow of this playlist listening to it one after the other.

love this whole playlist. and my identifying it with the character could TOTALLY be reaching, but of course I’m going to think of him and analyze his selection of *these* songs specifically to put out to all of us. out of EVERY song he likes. he didn’t include... hmm cowboy take me away, for example? shoulda been a cowboy??? the vibe of the overall playlist FITS “anxious millenial cowboy” it has an underbelly of sadness to it. and I dig the fuck out of that.

overall 10/10 I love this fucking playlist thank you goodnight

[angelhummel]

In honor of Darren’s birthday I just wanted to go on a long and personal rant about him. About how I’ve been following him from the start, what he means to me, that sort of thing. I’ll hide it under a cut to save you all from scrolling ten minutes to get past it!

I first became aware of Darren Criss in about August 2009. I was barely into my sophomore year of high school and one of my friends told me about a Harry Potter musical some people made and put up online. I was a huge fan of HP and musicals and my first response was “how has this been up for six weeks and I’m only just now hearing about it??” So of course I looked it up the second I could and devoured every minute of it. I even got my best friend to be as obsessed over it as I was. 

We went from being crazy about the musical to being crazy about the cast. I had bought sticker computer paper so I could print out my own stickers and we decorated our binders with them. One that was a collage of the whole cast, but several more of Darren because he was my favorite. (All the stickers weren’t Starkid related though, we weren’t quite that obsessive.) But we watched all their shows and playfully argued about which member was the cutest or which characters were better, all that good stuff.

She was the same friend that got me into Glee in the first place, so when we heard Darren was going to be on the show, of course we freaked out. We were tuning in every single week to see his beautiful face and hear his beautiful voice, just so we could meet back up at school the next day and gush about how great it was. And like I’ve said before, Kurt was my favorite character from the start. So seeing Darren embody this new character that was destined to get with Kurt, to be his best friend and soulmate and everything in between, it meant the world for me. I found myself tuning in more and more just to see what Kurt and Blaine were up to. Klaine is still, to this day, one of the most iconic, influential, game changing couples ever portrayed in media. They just were the show to me, and they’re a big part of why I’m still so involved in the fandom. 

Glee and Klaine are the only reasons I have friends now. It might sound a little sad, a little crazy, but it’s the truth. When my real life friends weren’t as obsessive as me anymore, I had to wade through the treacherous waters of anonymous online chats to find people who were. I connected to a handful of people from all over the world, and we went from roleplaying two fictional characters in love to getting to know one another and being real friends. (And still roleplaying fictional characters. Don’t judge me.)

When Darren went from Blaine to Hedwig, my admiration for him only expanded alongside the range in versatility of his roles. I’ll admit, when NPH starred in the Hedwig revival, I had no idea what it was. But one of my friends that I met online, he loved the musical. He got me listening to the soundtrack before I even knew the premise of it. I learned all the songs, watched the movie over and over. It quickly made its way up to being one of (if not my absolute favorite) musical. When we learned Darren would be taking over the role, we were ecstatic. 

So much so that I managed to convince my family to plan a trip to NY just so we could see the show (amongst other things). It remains to this day probably the best trip I’ve ever taken, mostly thanks in part to Darren. Getting to see him live was spectacular. He was so captivating, talented, all around amazing. He just disappeared into the role and it was mesmerizing to see, especially coming off of only seeing him as Blaine or a singing Harry Potter. The way he worked the whole crowd, even his improvised moments on stage- it all just lent itself to creating the best experience I’d ever had in a theater. 

I saw the show with my sister and my ex (now and at the time) and we waited outside at the stage door, something I’d only done a couple of times before. And sadly, I was and probably still am the type to freeze up in a situation like this, so I hardly got to say anything to Darren as he came by signing autographs. I had two playbills in hand for him to sign (one for me and one for my friend who got me into the show, because I knew he’d never get to see it), as well as a poster for me. I wanted to tell him to personalize one signature for my friend (Mike) just so it would be extra special, but I couldn’t get the words out. Darren signed what I was holding and moved on, though he did linger near us a little longer because he was talking to my ex about his outfit. He said that he admired him getting dressed up in a suit and bowtie, because no one really got dressed up for the theater anymore. After he really moved on, my ex said he felt like he could just lay down in the street and die because Darren Criss told him he liked his outfit.

But I was stubborn and determined to get the personalized autograph, so I stayed behind. We waited until Darren had gone through everyone who’d come from the show, everyone who’d just wandered up on the street for a chance to see him. He was almost on his way to the car when I reached out over the little barrier and touched his arm to get his attention. I handed him the playbill and he looked confused that I was handing him something he’d already signed. I managed to explain it was for my friend Mike, and I wanted him to make it out to him. So Darren added a “Hi, Mike!” on the front, and even drew an arrow to his name as if Mike wouldn’t know who had written that. I thanked him profusely and was still kind of in shock just from seeing him and actually touching him, and that’s definitely the best encounter with a celebrity I’d ever had. I said like two whole sentences to him, way to go, me!

Darren has truly been a household name in my family since AVPM. My sister and I watched every Starkid production several times. My whole family sat down to watch Glee every week, and then did the same for ACS. When Girl Most Likely came out, my dad took me to go see it (and the closest theater playing it was over an hour away). My parents planned a whole trip to NY just so my sister and I could see Hedwig. And on the day when the LMDC tour was the closest it would be to where I lived, my dad woke me up that morning and said “Want to go see Darren and Lea tonight?” and then drove me to see the concert. 

For over a decade now, I’ve been watching Darren’s star on the rise. He’s tackled about every single project a celebrity could tackle. Television, film, music videos, his own music (solo and in a band!), Broadway (musicals and now a play!) awards galore, and, well, lots of paid advertisement. It’s fine, he can get that coin however he wants. 

I keep saying he should be doing more. The projects he’s tackling now are small potatoes compared to what he should and could be doing. What he deserves to be doing. But at the end of the day, I know this is just the tip of the iceberg for him. There is so much more to come. Look at where he was ten years ago compared to now. And just imagine where he’ll be in ten years compared to now. 

It makes me so unbelievably happy to know that I’ve been in this talented human being’s corner from the beginning. It means a lot to me that I’ve actually got to watch someone go from basically a nobody to one of the most talented people of a generation (and actually be recognized for that talent!) It’s just an amazing feeling, and I’ve never had another celebrity that I felt like this about. Darren truly is an amazing human being. Talented, mesmerizing, magical, charismatic, kind, funny, versatile. He’s so much more than just some celebrity crush to me, and I couldn’t be prouder of him. 

I hope he has an amazing birthday today, and I hope he knows there is so much more to come. I’m going to enjoy watching where he goes from here. I’m so proud of him, I love him, Happy Birthday Darren! As if you or anyone else read this whole thing :P