#(yes a la phantom menace)

[oreolesbian]

thinking about the literal bridal carry rescue meet cute of lukelando again 🤧🙏🏼🤭

[pencilofawesomeness]

The JJK x TWST crossover that started living rent free in my head >:'D

Random Doodle Edition

Ahem, so, uhh, turns out the characters of Jujutsu Kaisen fit pretty well as Night Raven College students, temperament-wise, and that was all the excuse I needed. Yes the ages get funky but whatever. Happy high school AU except they still get cool powers and Trauma(tm). Just less than JJK canon so I count it as a win.

I also may or may not have written an entire oneshot (here on AO3) for some freshmen Satoru & Suguru bonding, featuring me still bullying Satoru over his funky eyes.

Image Text (and me rambling more) underneath the cut

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Gojo Satoru (of the Jupiter Clan)

Ignihyde Housewarden Year: Junior Species: Sky Dragon (Fae) Club: Movie Analysis Club Unique Magic: Six Eyes—pretty much just like canon Six Eyes. They can see far and wide and out of normal sight, and they can see magic in a highly detailed manner. They are also powered by magic that just, never stops ever, so he can decrease or increase the power/range at will to a degree, but technically, cutting off magic from them altogether will blind him. Also he has an inherited magic that he by no means asked for, which is, sad drumroll, Gate of the Underworld. (There are no shrouds in this AU, just me finding ways to forever make Satoru instrumental to the well-being of the world to his own detriment. I have waaaaay more thoughts about the "Jupiter Clan of dragons" and what that actually entails, but they are still jumbled and shifting, so. Maybe later.)

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Geto Suguru (of the Draconia Clan)

Diasomnia Housewarden Year: Junior Species: Night Dragon (Fae) Club: Equestrian Club Unique Magic: Magic-eater—can consume and nullify any spell and gain its base magic. With minimum side effects. Mostly. :)

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Satoru and Suguru are their usual brand of special-grade menaces, being the only two adolescent dragon fae in the world, buttttt they still inevitably become besties. With Shoko too, of course, who has no fear and will mess with them as they see fit.

Suguru is essentially Malleus in this AU, though in Suguru-fashion, he's way more stubborn when it comes to trying to catch up. (Translating him being new to sorcery to being new to technology was surprisingly low-hanging fruit.) Meanwhile I borrowed the Jupiter name/legacy because it was fitting and made the Gojo Clan into a long-lived dynasty of antisocial dragons who fist-fight and deal with Phantoms and recently accidentally became a tech empire, which is pretty close to the Sorcerer Family vibe a la TWST, if I say so myself.

There's definitely a lot of backstory I have in mind for the two of them. Neither of them beat teen parenthood (they are currently Malleus-aged, so 178 years old, but that's still teenagehood for a dragon/fae) and acquired children through various means, much to the consternation of their elders/court. I might develop/write more solid ideas later, but Suguru has a reverse characterization moment when he finds two starved/beaten human children (the twins) and begins his journey of losing all intrinsic racism via love, and Satoru still somehow gets his shit wrecked by Toji (probably a heist gone violent or something) and then finds out he had abandoned children: human Tsumiki and half-fae Megumi.

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Nobara Orientation Comic:

Nobara: Obviously, I'm going to get ~Pomefiore~ because I'm elegant and graceful. (And a badass queen, of course)

Mirror: The nature of your soul is... Savanaclaw

Nobara, getting dragged away from the Mirror by Maki: HEY WAIT A MINUTE! STOP MESSING WITH ME YOU DIRTY SMUGED HUNK OF JUNK AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I THINK OF—

(Nobara gets her reverse-Epel moment, but she adapts quickly. Especially because she still comes to have mad respect for Maki.)

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Ieri Shoko

Ignihyde Vice-Housewarden Year: Junior Species: Merfolk (Nurse Shark) Club: Science Club Unique Magic: Reverse—rewinds a target to its previous state within twenty four hours. The longer within the range, the harder/more magic it will take, especially for larger targets, so realistically her range is less. (For example, if someone cracked a piece of glass 24 hours ago, Shoko could restore it, but a day-old wound on a living being would be much harder.)

Making Shoko a mermaid was a joke to myself at first but then I liked it and it spiraled and now Nurse Shark Shoko is unironically one of my favorite things that I have drawn. The joke was right there too, but it's mostly fun to me because nurse sharks are docile and apathetic creatures, for the large part (they are still sharks lol), and I think match her temperament well.

Also when Satoru pestered the previous housewarden enough times to accidentally gain the title for himself, he made Shoko his vice (mostly because he trusted her) to make sure he never had to do the paperwork and the boring parts. She makes him do it anyway. To the dorm, she is less of a vice and more of a "dragon wrangler," which is still extremely appreciated.

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Zen'in Maki

Savanaclaw Housewarden Year: Sophomore Species: Human Club: Track & Field Unique Magic: N/A—Maki doesn't actually have magic of her own, but she is unnaturally resistant to most magic. She can, however, use magic/cast spells through a magic-capable familiar.

She befriended a phoenix when she was younger, having survived an encounter with a wild youth. (idk what I want the details to be but I think it would be cool if she had some related burns to it, with the idea that these creatures are rare and volatile and hard for normal humans to handle without high magic resistance.) His name is Torch because I don't think Maki would put that much thought into a name, so long as its not completely stupid sounding. I almost named the phoenix Jogo but I refrained for my own sanity.

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Inumaki Toge

Savanaclaw Year: Sophomore Species: Human Club: Board Game Club Unique Magic: Reality Speak—pretty much just how Cursed Speech works but with a world-friendly name. Also it can apply to inanimate objects as well. The power and scope of the command is proportional to the magic required.

Toge gets an overall nicer time in this AU because he doesn't have cursed speech 24/7 and therefore can speak normally. Though the idea of him being able to affect people/bend reality with his words does freak people out. I imagine he had a rough childhood nonetheless, because why not, leading him to be less verbal than he would have been otherwise.

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Okkotsu Yuuta

Diasomnia Year: Sophomore Species: Human Club: Board Game Club Unique Magic: Wraith Pact-maker—he can enhance/bolster a ghost's magic/presence through making a link with himself. It has to be mutual, and it can last for any duration of time, although actively using the link does require magic. The ghost in question gains magic and grounding from Yuuta, and Yuuta can use the ghost's magic, including their UM, if applicable. He can have multiple links, but the first and main recipient of this magic is his childhood friend Rika.

Between her longlasting connection with Yuuta and her brutal death, she is a more wraith-like and powerful ghost. Her unique magic was to copy other people's UMs, which Yuuta can use through her in short bursts.

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I didn't have space nor solid ideas for unique magics for the Hasaba twins and the Fushiguros, so I didn't do full bios for them. Later, perhaps. All of the girls are sophomores and Megumi is a freshman. Tsumiki and Nanako are sharing their social brain cell and trading stories of stupid things their dragon dads/older brothers/untitled guardians have done, while Megumi is helping budding-gamer Mimiko learn Pokemon strats. I love the idea of them all being friends, maybe after minimal difficulty in the girls' first year, likely on account of the twins being a little Sebek-shaped, in terms of wanting to be The Best Guards for Suguru, etc etc.

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I technically have way more ideas for other characters and other dorms, but, I will end this here, for now. I am trying to reign myself in lmao.

[powdermelonkeg]

Echoes of Wisdom Trailer Analysis: Part 1

I'll tell you what, a new Zelda game, especially one this year, was NOT what I was expecting. I was hoping for a teaser a la "the sequel to BotW is now in development," but to have a full on main-series game come out? That caught me completely off guard.

But I've got my bearings. And I like what I see. So let's break down what we DID see, shall we?

Our opening shot has Link in some ruins, looking over at what appears to be Soldiers (as in the enemy, a lesser version of Darknuts), which are a staple for Fallen Timeline games.

However, they usually aren't this color, restricted to red, blue, and green. And they usually have swords or tridents, not axes.

The axes are a new development, as are the black armor and white capes. Maybe they've taken on the red -> blue -> green -> black -> silver difficulty pattern that BotW and TotK had?

Moving on.

Link here has a dark blue cape with teal geometric patterns on the back. Tempting as it is to connect this to the Zonai with the recent game-

-I'm going to abstain for now, because Zelda games like their teal geometry.

Looking around, the ruins Link finds himself in are unique.

We have eye patterns on the walls and double helixes framing the door. We haven't seen any pattern like this before, to my knowledge.

Link rushes in, sword drawn. The floor is plain square patterns on cracked tile.

We get our first glimpse of the Hylian Shield

As well as a clear shot of his sword. Oddly enough, it's not the Master Sword, or anything like it—it looks too plain to be something final, like the Four Sword or Phantom Sword:

And yet, it still very distinctly matches Link's current aesthetic, with the teal geometry.

Honestly, it looks more akin to a beginning sword that needs to change, like the Goddess Sword of Skyward Sword:

It's basic, it's easy to look at, but it's distinct and memorable.

Immedaitely after the cinematic run, the camera snaps to an overhead view, in which Link attacks. So there's at least a little gameplay as Link.

We see Princess Zelda in her crystal prison. Nothing unusual so far, but she definitely has a new look to her, even if her dress is distinctly Toon/Oracles/AlttP style remade.

Then we pan down to Ganon. Fallen Timeline's beast Gan, as we're used to seeing him. So far, he seems to look the most like his ALBW iteration, with the spiked cuffs around his wrists.

Link enters the scene. Purple mist is there for ambiance.

The pattern on the ground feels...ornamental. It doesn't stick out much or have enough detail on it to be the usual big-bad-evil-ritual.

Link throws his cape away dramatically.

Again, we get a camera-snapped view in which Link's attacks seem very much in the player's control.

And blocking Link off from escape, we have a magical barrier, though this one is emitting particles.

It's almost like Ganon's torn the ground open for this.

Defeated, ready for phase two, Ganon dissipates into purple sparks, only to reappear and start his tennis volley.

And here's where we get our proper view of him head-on.

ALBW's Ganon is a bit easy to miss in-game, because Yuga takes him over moments after he arrives. But he looks like this:

This is not our Gan's design.

He has the bracers, yes, but his forehead gem isn't spiked, his eyes are red, not white, his armor is gold with red edges and has chest plates that look a lot like really old art of ALttP Gan:

But most interestingly, his necklace is different.

In every version of Ganon that looks like this, he's either had a skull at his neck

Or a gem

But our Gan has something new. Something that, given the eyes in the corridor, feels deliberate:

There's a menace in this branch of Hyrule's history that's known for three things: a horned eye, purple magic, and possession.

And I'm out of images. Part 2 here!

[sw5w]

La Yama Beestoo

STAR WARS EPISODE I: The Phantom Menace 00:55:28

Beed's Huttese Translation: "Yes, there they are!" (Episode I Illustrated Screenplay, pg 69)

[angevepelis]

Movies in chronological order

Chaplin The Kid (1921)

The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928)

Casi casados (1961) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4gBRWcHZxs

Mi Vida Es Una Canción (1963)

El padrecito (1964) (Cantiflas)

What a Way to go (1964)

Mary Poppins (1964)  

The Sound of Music (1965)

The Graduate (1967)

A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Sixteen Candles (1984)

The God Father I (1972)

The God Father II (1974)

The God Father III (1990)

Castle in the Sky (1986)

My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

Pretty Woman (1990)

Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Bethoven (1992)

Aladdin (1992)

Clueless (1995)

KIKA (1997)

My Best Friend’s wedding (1997)

(Couple gets married but alcohol problem she leaves him for another, couch scene where he falls on the floor)

(Have sex in a hotel room dont know each other, shes older than him)

Star Wars: Phantom Menace Episode 1 (1999)

Star Wars: Attack of the Clones Episode 2 (2002)

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith Episode 3 (2005)

Obi Wan Kenobi

Star Wars: A New Hope Episode 4 (1977)

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Episode 5 (1980)

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi Episode 6 (1983)

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

West Side Story (1961)

West Side Story (2021)

Jaws

Before sunrise (1995)

Pocahontas (1995)

Titanic (1997)

Anastasia (1997)

Mulan (1998)

Notting Hill (1999)

Ten Things I Hate About You (1999)

Tarzan (1999)

The Road to El Dorado (2000)

In the mood for love (2000)

Hannibal (2001)

Amelie (2001)

The Princess Diaries (I) (2001)

Uptown girls (2003)

Love actually (2003)

How to loose a guy in 10 days (2003)

Freaky Friday (2003)

School of Rock (2003)

Lost in translation (2003)

Mean Girls (2004)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

13 going on 30 (2004)

The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (2004) 

Prince & Me (2004)

The Notebook (2004)

Ice Princess (2005)

Charlotte’s Web (2006)

The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

Bee Movie (2007)

Meet the Robinsons (2007)

Ratatouille (2007)

House bunny (2008)

Mamma Mia! (2008)

My Sister’s Keeper (2009)

500 Days of Summer (2009)

Nowhere Boy (John Lennon) (2009)

It’s Complicated (2009)

Princess and the Frog (2009)

A Christmas Carol (2009)

Avatar (2009)

Despicable Me (2010)

Tangled (2010)

Letters to Juliet (2010)

Dear John (2010)

Blue Valentine (2010)

Charlie St. Cloud (2010)

Valentine’s Day (2010)

Easy A (2010)

Burlesque (2010)

Eat Pray Love (2010)

In Time (2011)

One Day (2011)

The Artist (black and white) (2011)

The Help (2011)

The Smurfs (2011)

Rio (2011)

Les Miserables (2012)

Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

The Perks of Being A Wallflower (2012)

Pitch Perfect (2012)

Sex Tape (2014)

The Fault in Our Stars (2014)

The Giver (2014)

Saving Mr. Banks (2014)  

Whiplash (2014)

Carol (2015)

What Happened, Miss Simone? (2015)

Moana (2016)

La La Land (2016)

Fences (2016)

The Jungle Book (2016)

The Legend of Tarzan (2016)

Mother (2017)

What Happened to Monday? (2017)

Call me by your name (2017)

Freak Show (2017)

The Shape of Water (2017)

TOC TOC (2017)

Wonder (2017) (kid w/ face deformity)   

The Greatest Showman (2017)

Mary and the Witch's Flower (2017)

Christmas Inheritance (2017)

Crazy Rich Asians (2018)

Dry Martina (2018)

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018)

Mary Poppins Returns (2018)

Bumblebee (2018)

Avengers (2019)

Hustlers (2019)

Someone great (2019)

Solteras (2019)   

Midsommar (2019)

Us (2019)

Marriage Story (2019)

Elisa and Marcela (2019)

Aladdin (2019)

Klaus (2019)

Love and Monsters (2020)

Mulan (2020)

PROM (2020)

Soul (2020)

What would sofia loren do? (2021)

Yes Day (2021)

The Unforgivable (2021)

Don’t Look Up (2021)

The Wonder (2022)

Love in the Villa (2022)

Roald Dahl's Matilda The Musical (2022)

The Little Mermaid (2023)

Avatar The Shape of Water (2022)

Blonde (2022)

Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance with Somebody (2022)

Scrooge (2022)

Toscana (2022)

Everything everywhere all at once (2022)

Elemental (2023)

Transformers Rise of the Beasts (2023)

The Noel Diary (2023)

No hard feelings (2023)

Super Mario Bros (2023)

La sociedad de la nieve (2023)

[xoruffitup]

Annette: The AD Devotee Review

So I saw Annette on its premiere night in Cannes and I’m still trying to process and make sense of those 2.5 hours of utter insanity. I have no idea where to begin and this is likely going to become an unholy length by the time I’m finished, so I apologize in advance. But BOY I’ve got a lot to parse through!!

Let’s start here: Adam’s made plenty of weird movies. The Dead Don’t Die? The Man Who Killed Don Quixote? There are definitely Terry Gilliam-esque elements of the unapologetically absurd and fantastical in Annette, but NOTHING comes close to this film. To put it bluntly, nothing I write in this post can prepare you for the eccentric phantasmagoria you’re about to sit through.

While the melodies conveying the story – at times lovely and haunting, at times whimsical, occasionally blunt and simple – add a unique sense of the surreal, the fact that it’s all presented in song somehow supplies the medium for this bizarre concoction of disparate elements and outlandish storytelling to all coalesce into a single genre-defying, disbelief-suspending whole. That’s certainly not to say there weren’t a few times when I quietly chortled to myself and mouthed “what the fuck” from behind my mask when things took an exceeding turn to the outrageous. This movie needs to be permitted a bit of leeway in terms of quality judgments, and traditional indicators certainly won’t apply. I would say part of its appeal (and ultimately its success) stems from its lack of interest in appealing to traditional arbiters of film structure and viewing experience. The movie lingers in studies of discomfiture (I’ll return to this theme); it presents all its absurdities with brazen pride rather than temperance; and its end is abrupt and utterly jarring. Yet somehow, at the end of it, I realized I’d been white-knuckling that rollercoaster ride the whole way through and loved every last twist and turn.

A note on the structure of this post before I dive in: I’ve written out a synopsis of the whole film (for those spoiler-hungry people) and stashed it down at the bottom of this post, so no one trying to avoid spoilers has to scroll through. If you want to read, go ahead and skip down to that before reading the discussion/analysis. If I have to reference a specific plot point, I’ll label it “Spoiler #___” and those who don’t mind being spoiled can check the correlating numbers in my synopsis to see which part I’m referencing. Otherwise, my discussion will be spoiler-free! I do detail certain individual scenes, but hid anything that would give away key developments and/or the ending.

To start, I’ll cut to what I’m sure many of you are here for: THE MUSICAL SEX SCENES. You want detailed descriptions? Well let’s fucking go because these scenes have been living in my head rent-free!!

The first (yes, there are two. Idk whether to thank Mr. Carax or suggest he get his sanity checked??) happens towards the end of “We Love Each Other So Much.” Henry carries Ann to the bed with her feet dangling several inches off the floor while she has her arms wrapped around his shoulders. (I maybe whimpered a tiny bit.) As they continue to sing, you first see Ann spread on her back on the bed, panting a little BUT STILL SINGING while Henry’s head is down between her thighs. The camera angle is from above Ann’s head, so you can clearly see down her body and exactly what’s going on. He lifts his head to croon a line, then puts his mouth right back to work. 

And THEN they fuck – still fucking singing! They’re on their sides with Henry behind her, and yes there is visible thrusting. Yes, the thrusting definitely picks up speed and force as the song reaches its crescendo. Yes, it was indeed EXTREMELY sensual once you got over the initial shock of what you’re watching. Ann kept her breasts covered with her own hands while Henry went down on her, but now his hands are covering them and kneading while they’re fucking and just….. It’s a hard, blazing hot R rating. I also remember his giant hand coming up to turn her head so he can kiss her and ladkjfaskfjlskfj. Bring your smelling salts. I don’t recommend sitting between two older ladies while you’re watching – KINDA RUINED THE BLATANT, SMOKING HOT ADAM PORN FOR ME. Good god, choose your viewing buddy wisely!

The second scene comes sort of out of nowhere – I can’t actually recall which song it was during, but it pops up while Ann is pregnant. Henry is again eating her out and there’s not as much overt singing this time, but he has his giant hands splayed over her pregnant belly while he’s going to town and whew, WHEW TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONING PLEASE. DID THE THEATER INCREASE IN TEMPERATURE BY 10 DEGREES, YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT DID.

Whew. I think you’ll be better primed to ~enjoy~ those scenes when you know they’re coming, otherwise it’s just so shocking that by the time you’ve processed “Look at Adam eating pussy with reckless abandon” it’s halfway over already. God speed, my fellow rats, it’s truly something to witness!!

Okay. Right. Ahem. Moving right on along….

I’ll kick off this discussion with the formal structure of the film. It’s honestly impossible to classify. I have the questionable fortune of having been taken to many a strange avant-garde operas and art exhibitions by my parents when I was younger, and the strongest parallel I found to this movie was melodramatic opera stagings full of flamboyant flourishes, austere set pieces, and prolonged numbers where the characters wallow at length in their respective miseries. This movie has all the elevated drama, spectacle, and self-aggrandizement belonging to any self-professed rock opera. Think psychedelic rock opera films a la The Who’s Tommy, Hair, Phantom of the Paradise, and hell, even Rocky Horror. Yes, this film really is THAT weird.

But Annette is also in large part a vibrant, absurdist performance piece. The film is intriguingly book-ended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character; and your own role blurs between passive viewer and interactive audience. The first scene has the cast walking through the streets of LA (I think?), singing “So May We Start?” directly to the camera in a self-aware prologue, smashing the fourth wall from the beginning and setting up the audience to play a direct role in the viewing experience. Though the cast then disburse and take up their respective roles, the sense of being directly performed to is reinforced throughout the film. This continues most concretely through Henry’s multiple stand-up comedy performances.

Though he performs to an audience in the film rather than directly to live viewers, these scenes are so lengthy, vulgar, and excessive that his solo performance act becomes an integral part of defining his character and conveying his arc as the film progresses. These scenes start to make the film itself feel like a one-man show. The whole shtick of Henry McHenry’s “Ape of God” show is its perverse irreverence and swaggering machismo. Over the span of what must be a five minute plus scene, Henry hacks up phlegm, pretends to choke himself with his microphone cord, prances across the stage with his bathrobe flapping about, simulates being shot, sprinkles many a misanthropic, charmless monologues in between, and ends by throwing off his robe and mooning the audience before he leaves the stage. (Yes, you see Adam’s ass within the film’s first twenty minutes, and we’re just warming up from there.) His one-man performances demonstrate his egocentrism, penchant for lowbrow and often offensive humor, and the fact that this character has thus far profited from indulging in and acting out his base vulgarities.

While never demonstrating any abundance of good taste, his shows teeter firmly towards the grotesque and unsanctionable as his marriage and mental health deteriorate. This is what I’m referring to when I described the film as a study in discomfiture. As he deteriorates, the later iterations of his stand-up show become utterly unsettling and at times revolting. The film could show mercy and stop at one to two minutes of his more deranged antics, but instead subjects you to a protracted display of just how insane this man might possibly be. In Adam’s hands, these excessive, indulgent performance scenes take on disturbing but intriguing ambiguity, as you again wonder where the performance ends and the real man begins. When Henry confesses to a crime during his show and launces into an elaborate, passionate reenactment on stage, you shift uncomfortably in your seat wondering how much of it might just be true. Wondering just how much of an animal this man truly is.

Watching this film as an Adam fan, these scenes are unparalleled displays of his range and prowess. He’s in turns amusing and revolting; intolerable and pathetic; but always, always riveting. I couldn’t help thinking to myself that for the casual, non Adam-obsessed viewer, the effect of these scenes might stop at crass and unappealing. But in terms of the sheer range and power of acting on display? These scenes are a damn marvel. Through these scenes alone, his performance largely imbues the film with its wild, primal, and vaguely menacing atmosphere.

His stand-up scenes were, to me, some of the most intense of the film – sometimes downright difficult to endure. But they’re only a microcosm of the R A N G E he exhibits throughout the film’s entirety. Let’s talk about how he’s animalistic, menacing, and genuinely unsettling to watch (Leos Carax described him as “feline” at some point, and I 100% see it); and then with a mere subtle twitch of his expression, sheen of his eyes, or slump of his shoulders, he’s suddenly a lost, broken thing.  

Henry McHenry is truly to be reviled. Twitter might as well spare their breath and announce he’s already cancelled. He towers above the rest of the cast with intimidating, predatory physicality; he is prone to indulgence in his vices; and he constantly seems at risk of releasing some wild, uncontrollable madness lingering just beneath his surface. But as we all well know, Adam has an unerring talent for lending pathos to even the most objectively condemnable characters.

In a repeated refrain during his first comedy show, the audience keeps asking him, “Why did you become a comedian?” He dodges the question or gives sarcastic answers, until finally circling back to the true answer later in the film. It was something to the effect of: “To disarm people. It’s the only way I can tell the truth without it killing me.” Even for all their sick spectacle, there are also moments in his stand-up shows of disarming vulnerability and (seeming) honesty. In a similar moment of personal exposition, he confesses his temptation and “sympathy for the abyss.” (This phrase is hands down my favorite of the film.) He repeatedly refers to his struggle against “the abyss” and, at the same time, his perceived helplessness against it. “There’s so little I can do, there’s so little I can do,” he sings repeatedly throughout the film - usually just after doing something horrific.

Had he been played by anyone else, the first full look of him warming up before his show - hopping in place and punching the air like some wannabe boxer, interspersing puffs of his cigarette with chowing down on a banana – would have been enough for me to swear him off. His archetype is something of a cliché at this point – a brusque, boorish man who can’t stomach or preserve the love of others due to his own self-loathing. There were multiple points when it was only Adam’s face beneath the character that kept my heart cracked open to him. But sure enough, he wedged his fingers into that tiny crack and pried it wide open. The film’s final few scenes show him at his chin-wobbling best as he crumbles apart in small, mournful subtleties.

(General, semi-spoiler ahead as to the tone of the film’s ending – skip this paragraph if you’d rather avoid.) For a film that professes not to take itself very seriously (how else am I supposed to interpret the freaky puppet baby?), it delivers a harsh, unforgiving ending to its main character. And sure enough, despite how much I might have wanted to distance myself and believe it was only what he deserved, I found myself right there with him, sharing his pain. It is solely testament to Adam’s tireless dedication to breathing both gritty realism and stubborn beauty into his characters that Henry sank a hook into some piece of my sympathy.

Not only does Adam have to be the only actor capable of imbuing Henry with humanity despite his manifold wrongs, he also has to be the only actor capable of the wide-ranging transformations demanded of the role. He starts the movie with long hair and his full refrigerator brick house physique. His physicality and size are actively leveraged to engender a sense of disquiet and unpredictability through his presence. He appears in turns tormented and tormentor. There were moments when I found myself thinking of Conan the Barbarian, simply because his physical presence radiates such wild, primal energy (especially next to tiny, dainty Marion and especially with that long hair). Cannot emphasize enough: The raw sex appeal is off the goddamn charts and had me – a veteran fangirl of 3+ years - shook to my damn core.

The film’s progression then ages him – his hair cut shorter and his face and physique gradually becoming more gaunt. By the film’s end, he has facial prosthetics to make him seem even more stark and borderline sickly – a mirror of his growing internal torment. From a muscular, swaggering powerhouse, he pales and shrinks to a shell of a man, unraveling as his face becomes nearly deformed by time and guilt. He is in turns beautiful and grotesque; sensual and repulsive. I know of no other actor whose face (and its accompanying capacity for expressiveness) could lend itself to such stunning versatility.

Quick note here that he was given a reddish-brown birthmark on the right side of his face for this film?? It becomes more prominent once his hair is shorter in the film’s second half. I’m guessing it was Leos’ idea to make his face even more distinctive and riveting? If so, joke’s on you, Mr. Carax, because we’re always riveted. ☺

I mentioned way up at the beginning that the film is bookended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character, and between reality and performance. This comes full circle at the film’s end, with Henry’s final spoken words (this doesn’t give any plot away but skip to the next paragraph if you would rather avoid!) being “Stop watching me.” That’s it. The show is over. He has told his last joke, played out his final act, and now he’s done living his life as a source of cheap, unprincipled laughs and thrills for spectators. The curtain closes with a resounding silence.

Now, I definitely won’t have a section where I talk (of course) about the Ben Solo parallels. He’s haunted by an “abyss” aka darkness inside of him? Bad things happened when he finally gave in and stared into that darkness he knew lived within him? As a result of those tragedies, (SPOILER – Skip to next paragraph to avoid) he then finds himself alone and with no one to love or be loved by? NO I’M DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT AT ALL, I’M JUST FINE HERE UNDER MY MOUNTAINS OF TISSUES.

Let’s talk about the music! The film definitely clocks in closer to a rock opera than musical, because almost the entire thing is conveyed through ongoing song, rather than self-contained musical numbers appearing here and there. This actually helps the film’s continuity and pacing, by keeping the characters perpetually in this suspended state of absurdity, always propelled along by some beat or melody. Whenever the film seems on the precipice of tipping all the way into the bleak and dark, the next whimsical tune kicks in to reel us all blessedly back. For example, after (SPOILER #1) happens, there’s a hard cut to the bright police station where several officers gather around Henry, bopping about and chattering on the beat “Questions! We have a few questions!”

Adam integrates his singing into his performance in such a way that it seems organic. I realized after the film that I never consciously considered the quality of his singing along the way. For all that I talked about the film maintaining the atmosphere of a fourth wall-defying performance piece, Adam’s singing is so fully immersed in the embodiment of his character that you almost forget he’s singing. Rather, this is simply how Henry McHenry exists. His stand-up scenes are the only ones in the film that do frequently transition back and forth between speaking and singing, but it’s seamlessly par for the course in Henry’s bizarre, dour show. He breaks into his standard “Now laugh!” number with uninterrupted sarcasm and contempt. There were certainly a few soft, poignant moments when his voice warbled in a tender vibrato you couldn’t help noticing – but otherwise, the singing was simply an extension of that full-body persona he manages to convey with such apparent ease and naturalism.

On the music itself: I’ll admit that the brief clip of “We Love Each Other So Much” we got a few weeks ago made me a tad nervous. It seemed so cheesy and ridiculous? But okay, you really can’t take anything from this movie out of context. Otherwise it is, indeed, utterly ridiculous. Not that none of it is ever ridiculous in context either, but I’m giving you assurances right now that it WORKS. Once you’re in the flow of constant singing and weirdness abound, the songs sweep you right along. Some of the songs lack a distinctive hook or melody and are moreso rhythmic vehicles for storytelling, but it’s now a day later and I still have three of the songs circulating pleasantly in my head. “We Love Each Other So Much” was actually the stand out for me and is now my favorite of the soundtrack. It’s reprised a few times later in the film, growing increasingly melancholy each time it is echoed, and it hits your heart a bit harder each time. The final song sung during (SPOILER #2), though without a distinctive melody to lodge in my head, undoubtedly left me far more moved than a spoken version of this scene would have. Adam’s singing is so painfully desperate and earnest here, and he takes the medium fully under his command.

Finally, it does have to be said that parts of this film veer fully towards the ridiculous and laughable. The initial baby version of the Annette puppet-doll was nothing short of horrifying to me. Annette gets more center-stage screen time in the film’s second half, which gives itself over to a few special effects sequences which look to be flying out at you straight from 2000 Windows Movie Maker. The scariest part is that it all seems intentional. The quality special effects appear when necessary (along with some unusual and captivating time lapse shots), which means the film’s most outrageous moments are fully in line with its guiding spirit. Its extravagant self-indulgence nearly borders on camp.

...And with that, I’ve covered the majority of the frantic notes I took for further reflection immediately after viewing. It’s now been a few days, and I’m looking forward to rewatching this movie when I can hopefully take it in a bit more fully. This time, I won’t just be struggling to keep up with the madness on screen. My concluding thoughts at this point: Is it my favorite Adam movie? Certainly not. Is it the most unforgettable? Aside from my holy text, The Last Jedi, likely yes. It really is the sort of thing you have to see twice to even believe it. And all in all, I say again that Adam truly carried this movie, and he fully inhabits even its highest, most ludicrous aspirations. He’s downright abhorrent in this film, and that’s exactly what makes him such a fucking legend.

I plan to make a separate post in the coming days about my experience at Cannes and the Annette red carpet, since a few people have asked! I can’t even express how damn good it feels to be globetrotting for Adam-related experiences again. <3

Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to ask me any further questions at all here or on Twitter! :)

*SYNOPSIS INCLUDED BELOW. DO NOT READ FURTHER IF AVOIDING SPOILERS!*

Synopsis: Comedian Henry McHenry and opera singer Ann Defrasnoux are both at the pinnacle of their respective success when they fall in love and marry. The marriage is happy and passionate for a time, leading to the birth of their (puppet) daughter, Annette. But tabloids and much of the world believe the crude, brutish Henry is a poor match for refined, idolized Ann. Ann and Henry themselves both begin to feel that something is amiss – Henry gradually losing his touch for his comedy craft, claiming that being in love is making him ill. He repeatedly and sardonically references how Ann’s opera career involves her “singing and dying” every night, to the point that he sees visions of her “dead” body on the stage. Meanwhile, Ann has a nightmare of multiple women accusing Henry of abusive and violent behavior towards them, and she begins growing wary in his presence. (He never acts abusively towards her, unless you count that scene when he tickles her feet and licks her toes while she’s telling him to stop??? Yeah I know, WILD.)

The growing sense of unease, that they’re both teetering on the brink of disaster, culminates in the most deranged of Henry’s stand-up comedy performances, when he gives a vivid reenactment of killing his wife by “tickling her to death.” The performance is so maudlin and unsettling that you wonder whether he’s not making it up at all, and the audience strongly rebukes him. (This is the “What is your problem?!” scene with tiddies out. The full version includes Adam storming across the stage, furiously singing/yelling, “What the FUCK is your problem?!”) But when Henry arrives home that night, drunk and raucous, Ann and Annette are both unharmed.

The couple take a trip on their boat, bringing Annette with them. The boat gets caught in a storm, and Henry drunkenly insists that he and Ann waltz in the storm. She protests that it’s too dangerous and begs him to see sense. (SPOILER #1) The boat lurches when Henry spins her, and Ann falls overboard to her death. Henry rescues Annette from the sinking boat and rows them both to shore. He promptly falls unconscious, and a ghost of Ann appears, proclaiming her intention to haunt Henry through Annette. Annette (still a toddler at this point and yes, still a wooden puppet) then develops a miraculous gift for singing, and Henry decides to take her on tour with performances around the world. He enlists the help of his “conductor friend,” who had been Ann’s accompanist and secretly had an affair with her before she met Henry.

Henry slides further into drunken debauchery as the tour progresses, while the Conductor looks after Annette and the two grow close. Once the tour concludes, the Conductor suggests to Henry that Annette might be his own daughter – revealing his prior affair with Ann. Terrified by the idea of anyone finding out and the possibility of losing his daughter, Henry drowns the Conductor in the pool behind his and Ann’s house. Annette sees the whole thing happen from her bedroom window.

Henry plans one last show for Annette, to be held in a massive stadium at the equivalent of the Super Bowl. But when Annette takes the stage, she refuses to sing. Instead, she speaks and accuses Henry of murder. (“Daddy kills people,” are the actual words – not that that was creepy to hear as this puppet’s first spoken words or anything.)

Henry stands trial, during which he sees an apparition of Ann from when they first met. They sing their regret that they can’t return to the happiness they once shared, until the apparition is replaced by Ann’s vengeful spirit, who promises to haunt Henry in prison. After his sentencing (it’s not clear what the sentence was, but Henry definitely isn’t going free), Annette is brought to see him once in prison. Speaking fully for the first time, she declares she can’t forgive her parents for using her: Henry for exploiting her voice for profit and Ann for presumably using her to take vengeance on Henry. (Yes, this is why she was an inanimate doll moving on strings up to this point – there was some meaning in that strange, strange artistic choice. She was the puppet of her parents’ respective egotisms.) The puppet of Annette is abruptly replaced by a real girl in this scene, finally enabling two-sided interaction and a long-missed genuine connection between her and Henry, which made this quite the emotional catharsis. (SPOILER #2) It concludes with Annette still unwilling to forgive or forget what her parents have done, and swearing never to sing again. She says Henry now has “no one to love.” He appeals, “Can’t I love you, Annette?” She replies, “No, not really.” Henry embraces her one last time before a guard takes her away and Henry is left alone.

…..Yes, that is the end. It left me with major emotional whiplash, after the whole film up to this point kept pulling itself back from the total bleak and dark by starting up a new toe-tapping, mildly silly tune every few minutes. But this last scene instead ends on a brutal note of harsh, unforgiving silence.

BUT! Make sure you stick around through the credits, when you see the cast walking through a forest together. (This is counterpart to the film’s opening, when you see the cast walking through LA singing “So May We Start?” directly to the audience) Definitely pay attention to catch Adam chasing/playing with the little girl actress who plays Annette! That imparts a much nicer feeling to leave the theater with. :’)

[thepancakeboi]

99. “Do it. I dare you.”

I don’t normally make a note on these writing prompt stuff outside of tags but I feel I have to warn that this one does get very dark and angsty, up to including the potential of character death (no one dies though, I promise). Now, on with the show!

“Let’s go,” Joker’s voice rings out, echoing against the walls of the Mementos station.

Mona jumps onto the tracks, transforming into his car form in midair. The rest of the thieves sans Joker starts to get in. Not everyone had been able to come today. Haru had business involving Big Bang Burger that she had to attend to, leaving it down to the nine of us to finish our Mementos requests. She had apologized profusely in the group chat, but the others reassured her that everything was alright.

I go to get in the back of the vehicle but am stopped by a hand grabbing my arm. I give Joker an unamused look as I ask, “What do you want?”

“You know where you sit,” he replies with a cocky grin to match. I sigh in frustration as I get in the front row after Joker. Every single time, he always wants me to sit right next to him. He refuses to take no for an answer on that. No matter how much outward annoyance I show, I secretly am content with this seating arrangement. I’m fairly certain that he is aware of this as well. It’s even more apparent today since, with Noir not here today, Violet ends up deciding to sit with Panther and Queen in the middle row. Joker echoes my thoughts as he remarks, “Hey, look at that. It’s just the two of us. Anything can happen~”

“Joker, if you try anything, you’re going to lose a limb or two.”

“Sounds fun,” he hums, laughing as I sulk and look away from him. I can’t even threaten him without his goddamn danger kink making its existence known.

“God, get a room, you two!” Oracle yells from the back.

Joker laughs even harder at this. “I might do just that.”

“No,” I say, refusing to entertain this idea any further.

“But Akeppi-”

“I said no.”

He looks disheartened for a brief moment before he smirks. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t Joker starting to sing, “♪ I want your love, and I want your revenge. You and me could write a bad romance~♪”

I whirl around as I hear Panther join in with, “♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!♪”

Joker apparently has no intentions of stopping. “♪ I want your love, and all your lover’s revenge. You and me could write a bad romance~♪”

At that point, Oracle decides it’s her turn, “♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh! Caught in a bad romance!♪”

“Would you three shut up already?” I yell, turning so I can glare at all of them at once.

It’s quiet for all of one second before Oracle and Joker both, of course, decide to ignore me like the menaces they are, simultaneously singing, “♪ Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-ma! Gaga, ‘Ooh la-la’! Want your bad romance~♪”

I groan at their antics. It’s the one annoyance that comes from sitting next to Joker. It’s not the first time something like this has happened. The chances of it being the last are minuscule at best.

The banter between the rest of the thieves continues as we continue to drive through Mementos. At some point, Joker took one of his hands off the steering wheel so that he could hold me close. He still has his arm around me when we run right into a Shadow that decides not to immediately disintegrate upon impact.

“Get ready, everyone!” Mona says in car form. “This one wants a fight.”

“Oh, hell yeah!” Skull shouts. “We’re gonna kick its ass!”

We quickly exit the vehicle while the Shadow is still stunned from being hit head-on by a cat-turned-vehicle. Almost as soon as Mona transforms back into a cat, the Shadow bursts into a black liquid, revealing itself as a Forneus.

I had been hoping for this fight to be done quickly, but this Shadow is decidedly stubborn. We’ve managed to knock it down a couple of times, but it simply refuses to die. After the third such time, it fires a Mapsiodyne that manages to hit all of us. “Queen!” Fox calls out as she collapses.

No communication is needed. Joker and I pull back to tend to her while the rest keep fighting. I bend down so that I can drag her out of harm’s way. However, I pause, sensing Joker’s eyes on me. Not this again. “Joker,” I start, moving Queen as I speak, “maybe you should be a little more concerned about Queen lying unconscious on the floor rather than staring at my ass.”

“Oh. Yeah. Right.”

He quickly summons Sandalphon to revive her. Queen’s eyes flutter open, surprisingly unalarmed that she had been knocked out. It’s such a common occurrence with this group. How they’ve survived for so long, I have no idea. “She’s awake,”  I say, turning back to Joker. “We should get back to the fight.”

He nods. “Let’s go-”

“Joker, look out!” Panther calls out just as he is engulfed in a magenta aura.

He tries to move out of the way, but it’s too late. There’s nothing any of us can do without Noir and her Persona’s Amrita Shower. The aura clears. Joker stands there, his eyes closed. “Joker?” Queen asks from behind me, having gotten herself to her feet.

A sinister grin creeps across his face as he opens his eyes, his attention focused on the two of us. His eyes glow with an unnatural purple light as he rushes at us. “It’s not him!” I yell, blocking his dagger with my sword. His grin only widens, a frenzied look in his eyes. “He’s been brainwashed by that damn Shadow!”

“We gotta do something!” Mona calls out from the frontlines, where he’s working with Skull and Fox to keep the Shadow occupied. “He’ll keep attacking us if we do nothing!”

In an instant, I make my decision. “Keep attacking it, all of you. Oracle, make sure they don’t die doing it.”

“It’ll be easy peasy!” Oracle replies from above in Al Azif.

“I’ll keep Joker occupied while you do that until he snaps out of this brainwashing.” 

“Got it,” Panther responds, her Persona pelting the Shadow with fiery strikes as Makoto charges forward on Agnes.

With Joker’s next strike, I grab ahold of his wrist, fully intending on pulling him away from the fight. However, I’m distracted by Violet tentatively asking, “Is senpai gonna be okay?”

“Damnit,” I hiss as Joker escapes my grasp, his dagger slicing my wrist. “Quit your worrying. He’ll be fine.”

Ignoring Violet, for the time being, I regain a hold of Joker and manage to get the bloody dagger out of his hand. I drag him away, leaving the others to take care of that pesky Shadow. The moment we’re out of its vision, I turn to Joker, sheathing my sword for now. “Pull yourself together, idiot!” I snap, resisting the urge to slap him across the face. “We’re your friends.”

“Friends?” he asks, the first words he’s said in his current state.

“Yes, friends. You have those, remember?”

“No. You’re my enemy!”

He throws himself at me with little regard to the fact that he’s currently unarmed and I have a sword at my side. I struggle against him, trying not to hurt him. My sword stays sheathed. I can’t bring myself to cause him harm, even when he has me backed against the wall. “Joker, listen to yourself! I know you’re still there. You’re brainwashed. The Phantom Thieves are your friends. Don’t you understand? They’re not the enemy.”

“You’re right...it’s just you.” Nothing could have prepared me for what comes next. In one swift motion, he pulls out his pistol, pointing it at my face. His grin becomes wicked and full of malice as he sees my eyes widen in shock. “How does it feel, traitor? Knowing you’re about to die.”

“You won’t shoot me. You can’t.”

Despite how confident I try to sound, my heart pounds in my chest. Chills run down my spine. It takes a considerable amount of effort to hide any possible sign of trembling. I refuse to show any vulnerability to him. I don’t care that he could kill me. Even brainwashed, there’s no way he’s capable of shooting me. This isn’t him. Joker would never do this...would he? “Are you afraid?” he mocks. “Are you going to beg for me to spare your life?”

I look Joker dead in the eye...and laugh.

I am aware of the situation I am in, that Joker has a gun pointed at my head and could shoot me dead at any moment. At the same time, the irony doesn’t elude me. The tables have turned, and now it’s me on the receiving end of the gun. “Do you really think I would stoop so low? I know you’re brainwashed, but I think you’re bluffing.”

“Someone’s eager to die. What was it you said? ‘Case closed. This is where your justice ends.’ But it’s not my justice ending, detective: it’s yours.”

“Then, by all means, pull the trigger. Do it. I dare you.” When he doesn’t immediately react, I add, “Here. How about I make it easier for you?” With slow, deliberate movements, I remove my mask with one hand and push my bangs aside with the other as I tilt my head forward. He has a clear shot now, the cold metal of the barrel pressed against my forehead. Yes, this is reckless. I know that...but he deserves this chance. An opportunity to enact swift judgment on me for my crimes. I’m not worthy of a quick death like this, even with it mirroring my actions in the interrogation room. It doesn’t matter, though. If this is how it ends, then so be it. I couldn’t ask for a better executioner.

I stand there, eyes closed, waiting for death to take me. But the gunshot never comes. I open my eyes, staring past the pistol to the boy currently holding me at gunpoint. His grin isn’t quite as wide as before. He’s faltering. “What’s the matter, Joker? I didn’t hesitate when the situation was reversed. Go ahead,” I say as I close my eyes once again, my voice slowly rising in volume as I continue to berate him, “put a bullet through my skull. It’s only fair, isn’t it? I’ve murdered countless people. I even tried to kill you twice. I don’t deserve to be alive, so get on with it and fucking shoot me already!”

All I hear is a gasp, the gun clattering against the ground. I look up to see Joker, no longer brainwashed. It’s clear that he’s shaken. His lips are parted as he stares at me in wide-eyed horror. “A-Akeppi?” he hesitantly says, voice trembling. His mask isn’t able to completely hide the tears threatening to spill. He’s trying so desperately to pull himself together, but for once, it’s not working. I’ve never seen him so visibly distressed, and it hurts.

“You were brainwashed.” It’s the only thing I can offer as reassurance that I don’t blame him, that it wasn’t his fault.

“You’re...not hurt, are you?”

Figures, he’d ask that question. As always, he’s more concerned about my own well being than his own. “No, of course not,” I lie, hiding the blood on my wrist.

He isn’t fooled. He sees right through my response, as observant as ever. His touch is gentle as he moves my arm into his line of sight. The corners of his lips twitch when he sees the cut. “You are. I didn’t hurt you anywhere else, did I? Tell me the truth.”

“You didn’t.”

We stand there in silence, neither one of us sure how to proceed. I personally want to ignore it and move on, but I can sense that Joker won’t. His inner guilt is eating at him, I can tell. Meanwhile, something tells me he knows I’m hiding something from him. I just don’t want him to know that I had believed he was capable of killing me, even for a second. It’d be too much for him, I’m sure. Joker’s the one to break the silence. “Akeppi, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” I instantly respond.

He shakes his head. “No, it’s not. I could have killed you.”

“You didn’t kill me, tho-”

“But I could have,” he interjects before starting to ramble. “I could have killed you. I had my hand on the trigger, and you were willing to just die. What if I had actually shot you...and you had died? Akeppi, I don’t want to lose you again.”

“I’m still here. You wouldn’t have fired the gun.”

“But what if-”

He abruptly goes silent, likely shocked that I’ve pulled him into my embrace, dropping my mask in the process. “Ren, trust me,” I say in a slow, hushed tone, dropping the codenames for now so I can get through to him. “It’s okay. I’m here for you, and I will continue to love you as much as before. Nothing will change that.”

“Goro...” His voice hitches as he returns the hug, desperately holding onto me as if he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he doesn’t. I can hear his ragged breathing as he finally breaks down and cries. Taking cues from what he would do if the situation were reversed, I pull off one of my gauntlets and gently stroke his hair with my ungloved hand. My own tears run down my face, but I refuse to acknowledge them. I have to be strong, for Ren’s sake. He’s always been that way for me, and it’s about time I return the favor.

A few minutes pass before he starts to calm down. As he pulls back to look at me, I move his mask up so I can wipe the remaining tears from his face. “Even crying, you’re still beautiful,” I muse to myself, not meaning to say the words aloud.

“Shouldn’t I be the one saying that?” he asks with a little chuckle. “You look like you were crying, too.”

I shake my head, refusing to confirm or deny his statement. His chuckling continues as he replicates my actions, although his hand lingers on my cheek longer than I had. I turn my head as I hear Skull’s voice. They must have brought down the Shadow without us. I reach down, grabbing my mask from behind Joker and putting my glove back on my hand. “We’ll keep this between us, alright?”

“Okay.” He moves his own mask back into its proper position. Even up close, it’s hard to see that he had just finished crying. “Hey, Akeppi?”

“Yes?”

“Can we cuddle when we get back home?”

The request is not exactly unexpected. We both know he loves to cuddle and that it helps improve his mood. He already should know my answer. After all, how could I refuse him after what happened? “Of course. Come on. Let’s meet up with the others.”

Prompt list

[rumandtimes]

Does Cultural Appropriation Apply to Natalie Portman?

Sean Ezersky

Assoc. Fantasy Contributor

Does appropriation apply to the worst parts of European cultures?

Today, I want to discuss cultural appropriation. Yes, the issue of the times. But what exactly is cultural appropriation? Well, nobody knows. Starting at the first word, it claims to be some kind of appropriation. And it has something to do with culture.

Firstly, it should be said that this article has nothing to actually do with cultural appropriation. That is because cultural appropriation is essentially defined by racism. The term first appears, so it goes, as a description of how racist citizens of England marginalised and exploited the peoples of the Caribbean, and attacked sections of the working class schtick, for fun. Sounds evil enough.

The term cultural appropriation cannot be used as a mild term or played around with much, because it is by definition a form of misconduct. The term cultural appropriation is defined by the words “inappropriate,” “racist,” and “commercialist.” There is no redeeming quality to cultural appropriation because cultural appropriation is used to describe exclusively irredeemable activity, markedly opposite to cultural exchange or respect.

Consider the worst perpetrator in the United Kingdom and the United States: hip-hop / rap music, curly hair, or a summer tan. Racists always attack these music genres and human characteristics un-European, placing them into the same box on the fringes of their minds, but at the same time view themselves as ‘cultured’ for dipping into the same music, view themselves as ‘interesting’ for factory curling their hair, or view themselves as ‘unique’ for getting a spray-on tan. There is a murderous and delirious sense of bad irony, that racists altogether marginalise, demonise, and lust after perfectly normal traits and human practices, which the racist calls exotic, for fear of being labelled as freaks themselves. That is cultural appropriation.

Another bad actor is the billion-dollar yoga industry in Western nations as well, which attempts at every corner to steal Indian culture then mutilate the original concept, taking the yoga gurus off the cover and planting in some body-bleaching whores, or some wavy Italian guy, to appeal to the racist American, à la youth female target audience. All the while, Hinduism, inextricable from yoga’s origins while not necessarily the same as yoga in any way, is viewed as a false and inexpiable religion by most people in the West. Yoga was not learned from the Hindu, it was looted, and replaced with a shallow, cruel, commercial, and disgraceful attempt to Europeanise and trivialise the hobby while selling it the crude sex markets. That is a form of cultural genocide and religion-sacking. That is cultural appropriation.

But this article is not about cultural appropriation, in a way. The distinction was only added to please those offended by the comparison. This article is about movies, as part of a series of Star Wars critiques, and it’s about Natalie Portman.

Long have I harboured a question about Natalie Portman’s career, as it is so vapid yet so prolific, so vain yet so ubiquitous. This is just the opportunity. Natalie Portman got her start in acting as a 16-year-old leading actress on Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. She returned three years later as a 19-year-old lead on Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, where her character dies. After moving on from the Star Wars prequels, she used that resume to enrol at Harvard University to study psychology.

She has actually commented on this, as all Harvard associates eventually do, saying she and her peers felt she was only enrolled because she was in Star Wars, and this insecurity led her to push harder than her friends in her classes and challenge herself by picking ‘harder-than-necessary’ classes. Still, psychology is the most common undergraduate degree major among women, so hardly original. Whether or not Natalie invites the assessment or feels it is correct, this is undoubtedly true; She, as most people, never would have been looked at by Harvard if she did not have some kind of bank of riches or wealth of limelight that could be mined by the admissions board. Natalie might want to be viewed as a genius of “Hebrew literature” who stood out among the crowd, but that is just impossible parlour speak. Not that she deserves to go to Harvard any less than anyone else, no one deserves to go to Harvard, as Harvard in the 20th Century existed for the sole purpose of excluding people who were not rich, famous, or connected: not academics, so Natalie’s lie to herself merely parrots Harvard’s lie to the world.

But I want to go back just a second. Yes, Natalie Portman said she studied Hebrew at Harvard, even if not intensely enough to double-major in it. That is because her name is not actually Natalie Portman. Her name is Neta-Li Herschlag, and she is Jewish. So, studying Hebrew isn’t impressive knowing she speaks fluent Hebrew at home. That is not to undermine literature, as English-speakers still study English literature, but it’s hardly extraordinary. Hershlag, as I will now be exclusively referring to her, is using her association to Harvard, Judaism, and other, lesser, things to seem smart, yet all of those were gifted to her by either birth or Star Wars.

Now comes the question of cultural appropriation. Neta-Li started her acting footprint as an understudy for the part of Elle Woods in Broadway plays. Yes, that Elle Woods, aside Britney Spears no less. It hardly seems like the right role for a good Jewish girl. But lo, there are some who might point out that Hershlag is an Ashkenazi, and therefore not actually Jewish, that is, not a Semitic person. This is a touchy subject for the Jewish community, particularly since the establishment of Israel: Who actually is Jewish, by means of ethnicity or heritage, and not just language and religion? Is there a meaningful distinction between the Semitic Jewish culture that remained in the Levant, the Sephardic Jewish culture that emigrated to Africa and Iberia, the Mizrahi Jewish culture in Iran and Arabia, the Yiddish Jewish culture that stuck around in Germany, and the Ashkenazi Jewish culture that settled Eastern Europe? Really, who knows, and that is a deeper question; a question, perhaps, for a student of Hebrew literature, wherever we should find one.

Nonetheless, Hershlag is most certainly not British. That Israeli-American nuance is fine for the world of “Naboo” in Star Wars, which ideally would defy every concept of the term “ethnicity,” but works less congruously for Elle Woods. In Star Wars, Hershlag was a doppelganger of Keira Knightly, a dyad which has persisted the entirety of Netali’s 30-year-long career. Here too, we find questions.

Netali gave an interview, which I discuss almost on a daily basis among my social circle, where she firmly wanted to establish herself as a kind of British legacy. She said, of herself, “I iron out my Jew curls” and bleaches/dyes her hair, for no particular reason other than she wants to, and thinks it will make her fit in. Netali also went on to say that no one has naturally yellow hair — which is true, they don’t — implying that a non-Jewish, European actress would not face the same questions about her hair she did. Because the concept of hair straightening and hair bleaching are Nazi holdovers in British and American culture, and as someone who personally hates Nazis, this endlessly infuriates me. All the more so because Hershlag identifies as Jewish!

If Hershlag thinks modifying her hair to make it look ‘more European,’ or, more correctly (since almost all young Europeans have brown hair), to make it look more Hitlerite, more ‘Arianised,’ is acceptable, then she must either view herself as European first and Jewish second, or just care very little about the legacy of antisemitic racism. Why else would a person who calls herself Jewish want to alter her appearance so drastically, in order to look like a posterchild for one of the Hitler Youth?

Many Jewish-Americans feel pressures of Nazi antisemitism and colonial racism in the United States, and many Ashkenazim respond to that by changing their names, Nazifying their looks, and abandoning the Jewish religion. Netali retains a veneer of her Jewishness on the inside, within her own self-perception, while turning into the Arianised version of the Elle Woods archetype on the outside, for the world to see. Is she just playing a part? Is there a real difference in the personality and values of Netali Hershlag vs. Natalie Portman?

People don’t treat her as such. Keira Knightly, for instance, is an Englishwoman. Knightly claims she is ‘British,’ not English, but she is definitely English. Intriguingly, Knightly never went to school, reportedly a dyslexic, while Hershlag, in the Jewish stereotype, went straight to Harvard College. I wouldn’t say Hershlag seems like a nice person, she seems like an ordinary person. Remember that she is part of the Star Wars pantheon of small-time actors who were lifted by George Lucas to notoriety, like Mark Hamill (despite him being my favourite Star Wars actor, I can never remember his name), Harrison Ford, and of course, Sir Alec Guinness CBE.

Jokes aside, with all the classically-trained, upper-class, heavy-hitters from Britain — Peter Cushing OBE, Sir Christopher Lee CBE, and Sir Alec — not to mention the affable nobodies from Hamill to Ford, most Star Wars people are considered likable, especially by fans of nerdom.

That is not to say anyone was struggling, as every lead character in Star Wars was already documented as rich and famous by the time they were cast, but they were “nobodies” in the sense they were not household names until after the film became one of the first Hollywood summer “blockbusters” in history.

Most of all, it is undeniable that, other than Lucas, no one defined the Star Wars films as much as Carrie Fisher, if not for a want of contrast. Fisher was the only female character in all three of the movies, and both the predecessor and counterpart to Hershlag’s character in the Star Wars prequels. Does Hershlag meet the comparison?

The two are very different, both personally and on-screen. Fisher at the age of 19 had sex with numerous middle-aged members of the cast, often the only female and only teenager in a room of dozens of men, forbidden to wear a bra or choose her own hairstyle but allowed to partake in the rumoured plethora of drugs on the set. Hershlag, part of Star Wars from 16 to 19, was entirely unremarkable, both in life and profession, not a very impressive actor or much of a hoot. Again, the good Jewish girl. Some blame Netali’s poorly role on the weakness of the prequels compared to the originals, just as some blame Carrie’s bipolar diagnosis for her eccentricity. Both of these are half-truths, as personality and talent can never be substituted for anything other than what they are. Nonetheless, Fisher and Hershlag were both made rich and famous. While Hershlag is the lesser in terms of her performance, she probably got in the end a much better long-term deal.

A boring role meant Netali would not be immediately typecast, though she went on to play exclusively the girl-next-door leading female interest for a male protagonist, much the same as in Star Wars: Episode II. Coming into acting younger meant she could largely leave acting after childhood, then return to it later as an adult experience. Moreover, we never got to see teenage Netali chained to a bed in a gold bikini.

Our good, Jewish girl.

So, if Hershlag is playing roles given mostly to British, or Hitlerite, actresses, is she not taking away from the British actor? There are too many actors in the world. They are overexposed and over paid, seen too much and given too much, as they are in the same camp as clowns, entertainers, and comedians. But, people like to be entertained, and in the world of capitalism where only money is worship in lapse of dignity, anything people like sells, and anything that sells can make people rich, and riches are a substitute for class, if only a thin one. Just as the weak-minded can be fooled by the Force, so are they easily bought and sold. The British or American actor suffers for nothing, and there are too many of them as it is.

But, does Hershlag have a place in displacing them, or moulding in to become one of them? And would it be cultural appropriation? Undeniably, Netali is conforming to something objectionable when she plays simple roles as sex objects and Hitlerite women, embracing if not embodying the racism and problematic nature of Hollywood casting. But then again, it is with her very body that she represents this trend. One could defend Hershlag, saying she is made to do these things, that she is not so much appropriating Western culture for her ends, but more so that Western culture is stifling her true self, at least if she wants to continue to have a role in acting.

An interesting counter-point, but undermined by Hershlag’s particular brand of coy self-promotion, and eagerness in taking on such roles. And are the Jewish people entirely exploited by Hollywood? In many respects, so-called Europeans are exploited by powerful Jewish moguls in media more often than the other way around, even if they are Jewish Europeans themselves. Harvey Weinstein, a Jewish millionaire who sexually assaulted non-Jewish Western women in order to get them roles, his Jewishness hardly made a ripple.

The biggest names in Hollywood: Steven Spielberg, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jerry Seinfeld, Paul Rudd, Marta Kauffman, J.J. Abrams, Scarlett Johansson, Harrison Ford, John Stewart, Louis Szekely, Mila Kunis, Daniel Radcliffe, Rachel Weisz, Gal Gadot, Roseanne Barr, Judd Apatow, Marcus Loew, Lauren Bacall, Adam Sandler, Amy Schumer, Larry David, Daniel Day-Lewis, Cassidy Freeman, Stanley Kubrick, Jennifer Connelly, Richard Dreyfuss, Samuel Goldwyn, Julia Garner, Elijah Allan-Blitz, Kirk Douglas, Ellen Barkin, Ingrid Pitt, Darren Aronofsky, Eva Green, David Geffen, Lesley Ann Warren, Paul Newman, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ben Stiller, Louis B. Mayer, Alison Brie, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Chuck Lorre.

As Conan O’Brien jokingly stated: “The Cash-ews run Hollywood.” Almost every major production in Hollywood has a massive Jewish section of development. The United States, for whatever reason, is a majority “Christian-identifying” country, but Judaism plays a much more massive role in the culture than Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism combined. Even most of the agnosticism in ‘progressive’ Hollywood values comes largely from material secularism, or Jewish incredulity of Christianity, not an ideological pull towards atheism. Is this cultural reproachment why Jewish people are pulled towards media and entertainment, theatre being a known haven for outcasts and oddballs? The Judeo-Protestant alliance of the Hollywood ilk would seem to disqualify the established Jewish community — rich, interconnected, secular Jewish communities of New York, Los Angeles, and DC — from being an oppressed mass.

An important editor’s note is that the actors listed are: Jewish people who adopt non-Jewish appearances or non-Jewish values to a borderline-racist degree (i.e. Eva Green: Jewish actress who plays roles bookmarked for non-Jewish Europeans), thoroughly Jewish people who refuse to identify as Jewish (i.e. Julia Louis-Dreyfus: Jewish billionaire heiress who plays Jewish characters on TV), or regular observers of Judaism who are really, really famous (i.e. J.J. Abrams: co-director of the controversial Star Wars reboot).

More often behind the scenes than on-screen, but usually leading the show when taking a starring role, the Jewish imprint is inseparable from American movies, media production, television, the comedy scene, finance, and screenwriting. Is Jewish not the ruling order of Hollywood? And then would Europeans be the group on the margins? But why, if Jewish people write, pay for, and put on the shows, are there so few Jewish actors, and of those who are, why do they not look Jewish, or a better question would be, why do they try to avoid looking Jewish, and actively attempt to look Western European? That gives the impression that Jewish people are still marginalised in media, even if they are overrepresented in media, and generally more affluent, interconnected, and educated than those non-Jewish counterparts. Why do Jewish people go out of their way to appeal to racist audiences, and in the process erase their own Jewishness.

Maybe it is because the Hollywood Jewry isn’t actually Jewish. Nothing about their jobs or their behaviours embodies the Jewish religion. Most people in Hollywood in general consider themselves as nonreligious, yet that too, might be an influence of a markedly Jewish trait. Non-Christians in the United States are much more likely to turn to atheism and agnosticism on the one hand or fanatical extremism, likely due to being outcast by the mainstream Protestant dialogue, with liberal Jewish people often going agnostic and conservative Catholics often going supercharged while Muslims live on somewhere off in the shadows of public perception.

Yet nonreligious Jewish people still identify as Jewish, separating the religion of Judaism from the ethnic mark. Faith has nothing to do with appearance, and appearance is the base of antisemitism. Enter non-Jewish-looking Jewish people, usually women with heat-flattened hair, like Netali Hershlag and Gal Greenstein Godot. That is not to say they don’t look Jewish, as in an equal measure they all do and at the same time no one does, since what a Jewish person “looks like” is a narrow heuristic based on problematic cultural expectation. That is not to say they are or aren’t Jewish. But are Jewish people like Natalie Portman being forced to conform to racist society, or are they jumping on the bandwagon of racist society and using it to their advantage? Is there actually a difference between the two?

There is a deeper question lying beneath the surface here: The questions of “Jewish complicity in racism?,” “Jewish participation in neo-Nazism?,” and “If ‘Jew’ is a ‘race’ and ‘White’ is a ‘race’ then why are there ‘White’ and ‘non-White’ Jews?,” which other people have asked before. This article is not to address those questions, but they are acknowledged.

Certainly, there are some Jewish people who attach themselves to racist tendencies and Hitlerite habits out of personal advantage in the racist countries in which they might live. In this narrative, the notional collaborator Jewish community would blame the Europeans for racism and cast themselves as convenient survivors. That is not a uniquely Jewish trait, it is a flawed human trait, bystanderism, which defies religious teachings. Why there is such a prevalence among rich, secular Jewish people, of racism mixed with liberalism, is a concern. It could be as simple that, at a certain point, the trait “rich” might start to cancel out the trait “religious.” Old guard antisemites would be unforgiving regarding hatred towards ‘ethnic Judaism,’ and contemporary racist sentiments would reject Jewish people from the points of heritage and beliefs, but it is not immediately clear if Western neo-Nazis would target non-religious Jewish people who, quote, “pass” as Euro-Christians.

If Ashkenazim, Sephardim, and Mizrahim join Western cultures, ideals, and appearances while abandoning the Jewish religion, are they functionally Jewish at all? In the absence of different brands of generational antisemitism, what is holding back an atheist Ashkenazi from becoming a Nazi themself? The Jewish community and Israel critics have been ablaze with debate about the Eurocentric, Ashkenazim-focused account of Judaism in the West, drawing attention to the issue of inter-Jewish racism and inequality among the diaspora of the Jewish faithful. This question is debated separately for Jewish communities because unity is their faith. Followers of Christianity have always cut one another down over heresies and infidelities, but discourse and diversity have defined the post-Rabbinic tradition. The notion of one Jewish diaspora being more powerful than another, based not even on secularism such as in Christianity, but based solely on racism and adjacency to Christian empires, causes non-Ashkenazi Jewish communities to question that proximity in values and appearance Western Ashkenazi populations have with the goyish counterparts. Even the terms Ashkenazi and Mizrahi have taken fundamentally racist connotations, particularly in the advent of Zionism, to separate the ‘European Jewish’ from the ‘Arabian Jewish,’ in a kind of wartime apartheid of academia; a conflict emblematic of larger paradoxes in modern Israel.

This is not the focus of this article. Obviously, Jewish people living in Western Europe and urban America are more “Western” than people who live somewhere else. And obviously, Western nations have a serious and prolonged issue with racism. However, welding those two facts together, then conflating them with Judaism in some sense, would be a mistake.

There are some racist people in Hollywood who identify as, or are identified as, Jewish. That is not the question. The question is: How does the concept of cultural appropriation contribute to that complex dynamic, of conformity and exploitation in Hollywood, even amongst the big names?

This all comes back to the perceptual balance of power. Just as the term cultural appropriation is defined as a group being in a oppressive position and exploiting something that that group itself has made derogatory.

Is Netali Hershlag appropriating Western culture? In a way, yes. As a rich, powerful Jewish actress, she could hardly be said to be put at a disadvantage to Keira Knightly (Harvard versus dropout, remember), or the millions of aspiring brown-haired actresses who are shunned from Hollywood castings. And yet, she decides to look more like them. Obviously, as an ordinary woman herself, she has been victim to the usual sexism and obsessive demands of producers and directors concerning appearances, but that is hardly so say she is a victim. At any moment, she could deign to take a different part or produce her own movies (I would balk to call them films), rather than be typecast as the sexy and innocent girl-next-door. She lives the life of the good Jewish, girl, but never takes on those types of roles, opting instead for Princess Amidala, ballerina Nina Sayers, valley girl Elle Woods, comic book Jane Foster, or Englishwoman Anne Boleyn. Hershlag could at any moment leave acting to climb the ladder a Harvard A.B. clears the way for. How could Harvard Law School, or subsequently the California Democratic caucus, say no? Who wouldn’t pay for a doctor’s visit with the woman from V For Vendetta?

This is not to say that Jewish people are appropriating or imposing themselves upon Westerners, but it is to say that there is a distinct group of Jewish people who draw from Western or Hitlerite practices while entirely avoiding ‘Juden-haus’ or ‘Euro-trash’ rhetoric that hampers people on both sides of the racist conflict. Portman is Netali’s grandmother’s name, so she does have some kind of loose claim to it, if her cousins are still go by that name and she is close with them, while Natalie is a form of the name Neta-Li, and plenty if not most actors use stage names. Many people do racist or questionable things because they are in fashion. But altogether, one must ask the question why the self ascribed curly-haired Netali Hershlag is appearing is French wig and makeup commercials. Is it raw, unidealistic money? Is it Maybelline? Or it is fake hair, fake lashes, and a fake identity?

Natalie Portman is hardly an inspiring figure for women, playing roles subservient to men, often murdered by her lovers or terribly afflicted herself. This is true in Star Wars, Black Swan, Thor, V For Vendetta, and when she played the wife of wife-killer Henry VIII. Where is the liberty in being bedded by an uxoricidal maniac, be it a tired British period piece, or the obsessive Anakin Skywalker? Body modification of any type is not the product or respect or exchange, and can only be looked down upon as unnecessary and insecure. Acting is lying, but that does not mean the actress must change their looks or change their self to read some lines to a camera.

[pinkponydean]

Tagged by the awesomely awesome @ewan-mcgrxgor! Thanks so much Jenn!

1. Do you make your bed? ...not even remotely 2. What’s your favourite number? 13 3. What’s your job? clerk at the post office, so mainly work in the back with the packages.  4. If you could go back to school, would you? do you know how many times I consider getting my masters in a week? 5. Can you parallel park? yes, but am I good at it? No 6. A job you had that would surprise people? I mean, I worked as a housekeeper at a hospital... an admin assistant for the uni I transferred away from... and a legal assistant for a dick lawyer? also had my dream job of working at a museum as an archivist, but i had to leave because i wasn’t making enough sadly...  7. Do you think aliens are real? I argue with my coworkers about this too much to want to think about it. Yes, but god I hope I never see them  8. Can you drive a manual car? no, but I’m sure I’d figure it out if I tried 9. What’s your guilty pleasure? terrible reality tv a la jersey shore  10. Tattoos? non yet, but one day! hopefully soon! 11. Favourite color? green and red/gold (as a color combo) 12. Favourite type of music? what I’m currently jamming to are musical albums...like, I’ve had “Hamilton” and “Dear Evan Hansen” on repeat and I’m beginning to think my coworkers are worried  13. Things people do that drive you crazy? ignorant people in general. Also people who are contradictory for the sake of being assholes 14. Do you love doing puzzles? i haven’t done one in forever, but i’ve been tempted a million times with all the cool star wars ones out.  15. Any phobias? fucking HATE spiders. Also, i’m terrified of sharks in general. Like, any shadow in the water is like FUCK IM GONNA DIE.  16. Favourite childhood sport? football and hockey!  17. Do you talk to yourself? yes, and usually it’s to bitch about about something or fangirling to myself  18. What movie do you adore? The Phantom Menace, The Empire Strikes Back, Indiana Jones in general, ‘99 Godzilla, Jurassic Park in general... Also ‘99 The Mummy... Big Fish, Fantastic Beasts, and The Prince of Egypt! 19. Coffee or tea? *cue gif from The Road to El Dorado* both. I’m addicted to both macha and frappes/iced coffees. anything cold. always cold.  20. First thing you wanted to be growing up? archeologist! museum archivist! Which I did for awhile, but wasn’t getting paid enough sadly. :c  

I tag @saltybatman @antheiasilva and anyone who generally wants to do it! c: 

[galaxygolfergirl]

Changes to make the Phantom Menace possibly a better movie,

Anakin would be aged up to 15-16, already has some past skill with the force, but more tempted on a path toward the darkside due to his 15-16 years of enslavement and lack of training. He also finds a father figure with Qui-gon and starts a brotherhood with Obi-wan when taken under Qui-gon’s instruction.

When Anakin loses Qui-gon, the anger in him grows, as well as his resentment toward Obi-wan, being that even though he’s 10-11 years older than him, he’s now Anakin’s master; the learning curve is much greater.

Padme would be at least 17-18, and is essentially a valedictorian genius with the know-how to be queen and run a country

She develops a slight crush on the proto-Han Solo-ish charm and confidence of Anakin (and yes, the age gap is much smaller this time). She also forms a friendship and a sense of respect with Obi-wan, who in turn is somewhat of a scholar himself, thus they relate on a multitude of subjects and stimulate each other intellectually.

Obi-wan is already a Jedi Knight at this point and assists Qui-gon on rescuing the Queen from the Trade Federation a la New Hope parallels.

Jar Jar wouldn’t be a comic relief character and has a purpose this time around. He’d be a noble warrior with the great hubris of being too trusting and thus his blind faith to his superiors and to the Chancellor leads to the Republic’s downfall. If he were to be funny, it’d be more like Drax with a dry sense of humour. Also, the Gungan character design and behavior would not be cartoony nor racist.

He needs a different name. J’khar J’khar? Something cooler?

The events of the film are a little more spread out. It feels like things are happening too quickly for any real attachment, character arcs, or development.

No racist caricatures in general (ahem ahem Nute Gunray and pals)

Plot would move differently (more notes on that later)

Darth Maul isn’t a one note villain, has more character like on Star Wars: The Clone Wars, and is sent to assassinate the Queen, Qui-gon, and the escaped party.

edit: if y’all could reblog this as well instead of just liking it, I’d greatly appreciate that

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Giovanni

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Over the years, Pokemon has had a great many antagonists and a great many evil teams, but few have ever surpassed the sheer notoriety of Team Rocket. And at the very top of Team Rocket is the man, the myth, the legend: Giovanni. The Viridian City gym leader as well as the head of an international pet-stealing criminal organization, Giovanni is the original twist villain of the franchise, with his ultimate role as the final gym leader of the Generation I games likely coming as a shock to many players back in the 90s. But what is it about Giovanni that has kept him as such an enduring foe of the franchise to the point that he helped send the franchise off in a blaze of glory at the end of Generation VII, letting them transition from handheld to hybrid consoles?

Motivation/Goals: Part of what makes Giovanni so unique is that he, by the incredibly simple nature of the Generation I games, has an incredibly simple goal: make money and steal Pokemon. That’s basically all Team Rocket does, to the point they kill Pokemon and harass anyone who gets in their way. The thing is, over time and through the dozens of remakes, Giovanni’s true goal has been hinted at and reimagined in numerous ways. The most impressive reimagining is his role in the Rainbow Rocket postgame questline in Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon, in which he gathers versions of all the franchise’s villains from across the multiverse into one team and tries to conquer Alola. Here, it is revealed that he has Mewtwo on his team, which seems to imply that, at least in the timeline established from Gen VI until this point, that Giovanni’s true goal was in line with his anime counterpart’s and that he had a hand in the creation of Mewtwo for his own nefarious purposes. Whether this is true in games like the Generation I games and their remakes is pretty much up in the air and open to interpretation, but one thing is for sure: Giovanni wants power, and he’ll stop at nothing to get it.

Personality: While Ghetsis of all people describes Giovanni as pure evil, Giovanni certainly doesn’t show it. His own men view him as a benevolent boss, and in games like Yellow and the Let’s Go games he pretty much has to be somewhat decent to his employees if he allows goobers like Jessie and James to stay in the ranks despite their incessant blundering. Obviously Giovanni is tough and intense, and if you ask Silver I’m sure you’ll be told he’s not a very good father, but I think there is at least some honorable traits to Giovanni. Even after you defeat him in the Rainbow Rocket plot, he concedes to you gracefully and applauds you for defeating him, showing he is very much not a sore loser as some other villains are.

Final Fate: In Gen I, Giovanni claimed he was going to reform before disappearing, with his presence being felt heavily in the Gen II games as Team Rocket tried and failed to get him to return to lead them again. Later games and the remakes would retcon this, showing that Giovanni would never truly give up on his dreams of conquest, and at least one version of him would go on to be a dimension-hopping menace who attempted to invade the Alola region.

Best Scene: Basically any climactic battle against him, particularly the battle at Silph Co. and his gym in Gen I, his special event battle in the cave by the waterfall in Gen IV, and the final duel against him in  the Rainbow Rocket plot of Gen VII. All but the battle in Gen IV are sure to be a tough, challenging duel that will test your skills (unless you packed a Water-type, anyway).

Best Quote: After defeating him during the Rainbow Rocket plot, Giovanni has this to say: "Having a kid stand in front of me like this... Such a thing should never happen. But for some reason, it also makes me feel nostalgic."

As this line comes on the last games to be released on the last true handheld consoles of Nintendo, it feels all the more special and poignant. Giovanni was there at the start, and he was there at the end, bookending the series’ time on handhelds in a way that, yes, does invoke feelings of nostalgia.

Final Thoughts & Score: Giovanni is most definitely a simple villain. But I think that as far as simple villains go, he is a pretty impressive one. I think that because he is so simple and because a lot of his true goals are only hinted at by the games, it allows players to come to their own conclusions about what evil schemes he might have in ways you can’t with the more straightforward and unambiguous villains of later titles like Ghetsis and Lysandre, who spell out their evil plans. Meanwhile, Giovanni here straight up tells you you’re a foolish kid who could never hope to understand what he’s doing and straight up tells you nothing. What a boss.

This will sound strange, but in some ways Giovanni is similar to DIO. Look: he’s a major antagonizing force in the first part, the part that introduces the series (Phantom Blood/Red & Blue), and then his actions loom large over other parts of the franchise (Diamond is Unbreakable, Vento Aureo, and Stone Ocean/Gold, Silver, and Crystal and their remakes), until finally things culminate in a huge, climactic duel that reveals secret parts to his plan no one realized before (Stone Ocean/Rainbow Rocket in Ultra Sun & Ultra Moon). He even has a son who is ultimately a better person than him, though Silver is a hell of a lot crabbier than Giorno. Obviously Giovanni is nowhere near as impressive and iconic as DIO, but for what Giovanni is, he’s still a 10/10.

I think a lot of Giovanni’s enduring appeal is because of the anime, which wisely kept him in the shadows and made him an undeniable badass due to him controlling Mewtwo and constantly be stroking his Persian a la Blofeld. Much like Slade would years later in Teen Titans, the ridiculous amounts of mystery surrounding Giovanni in the anime led to a world of speculation, with some of the more famous theories claiming that he was Ash’s father. Keep in mind, this is a character anyone watching the show would already be familiar with because they already played the games. Still, there’s no denying it was incredibly cool and effective for kids, and thanks to Rainbow Rocket drawing on some elements of the anime version of Giovanni, it’s nice to see the anime have a positive influence on the games as opposed to the stupid Ash Greninja or the numerous Ash hat Pikachus.

Bottom line: Giovanni is a cool, simple villain who does what he does with great style, honor, and intrigue, and as far as starter villains for an RPG franchise go, they don’t get much better than the Big G.

[analogskullerosis]

4-34!

4. What is your favorite word?

I don’t really have one. “Fuck” is a pretty good one. Conveys a lot. 

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

Dollar Tree.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

Get a haircut when this quarantine is over. Looks like a shaggy mess.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

A shirt from the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia, a museum dedicated to showcasing medical abnormalities. It glows in the dark. 

8. What do you label yourself as?

Mostly human. Male. Asexual. Charisma vacuum. Among other things. 

9. Bright room or dark room?

Dark room, usually. Depends on the mood and the kind of day I’m having sometimes.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Watching Vinny from Vinesauce play budget WiiWare shovelware.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

Don’t have one.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My mother. 

13. Your worst enemy?

Myself. 

14. What is your current desktop picture?

Artwork of a city at twilight time. 

15. Do you like someone?

Why, yes! I do. Her name is [Redacted]

16. The last song you listened to?

“Sowing the Seeds of Love“ by Tears For Fears

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Mitch McConnell. 

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Nobody at the moment. Not in a punching mood at the moment. 

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

Not really interested in having anyone be in servitude, especially to me, local jackass. 

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

My eyes maybe? I don’t know. I don’t think about my physical attributes much (or very positively for that matter...) 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

I don’t know what I would look like but I would probably just deal with it and go about my day as if I was the same as always, I guess. 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

I’ve been told I’m very good at voice impressions. From several presidents to Vinesauce Vinny’s “speen!” voice, to Watto from The Phantom Menace. Be in a voice chat with me and you’ll most likely hear me do one of them. 

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

Large dogs. I have not met anybody else who understands my fear and discomfort of them. 

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Ham and Cheese. I’m aware that is a boring choice.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Spend it? In this economy!? Nah. I’m putting that $100 in my safe.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Previously answered (”La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona, Spain.”)

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

Pabst Blue Ribbon, so I can be that guy who reliably brings crappy beer nobody wants (and laugh as others get pissed at me for having that beer be my choice.)

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

“You may only send messages via message in a bottle.”

29. What is your favorite expletive?

“Fuck”, “Bitch”, “Jackass”.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

A Grateful Dead cassette tape containing a show from Englishtown, NJ, 09.03.77, given to me by one of my undergraduate professors. It’s music that has sentimental value to me. 

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

My first (and so far only) romantic relationship. I deserved better and should have gotten to spend that time with someone who actually felt the same way about me and cared about how I felt, even if it didn’t last. 

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Canada. I like the way their cities look. Seems like a very quaint and simple place to live. I hear the locals are very very nice. :)

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

I don’t quite have an answer for this... I’ll have to get back to you.

34. What was your last dream about?

Meeting a special woman (to me) at a fancy Italian restaurant. She was dressed in a bright red dress, though her face was in a thick, smokey haze the entire time. That’s all I can recall.

Thank you for asking! This was fun. :)

From this post. Feel free to send a number if you’d like. :)

[therealchrisclem]

Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker thoughts

I have seen Star Wars: Episode 9 - Rise of Skywalker. I wasn’t going to share my opinion, but it’s not everyday I get to go to a press screening for one of the most anticipated films ever made (of course, hype being what it is, doesn’t mean as much as it did in 1999), so why not try to get some of my thoughts across? 

A few things first - I’m not a critic. I was told a long time ago you can either be someone that does things or someone that criticizes them, but in order to treat either with the respect it deserves, you need to delineate that line clearly. I still work on my scripts and writing packet, I don’t see my self becoming an actual cultural critic of any kind in the future. This is just my views on this film as a guy who loves movies and really, really loves Star Wars. Secondly, Lucasfilm and Disney asked us not to spoil any of the movie, and while I don’t think that’s possible in a macro sense (do you honestly think the good guys lose?), I will try to respect their marketing wishes. There are some things in this movie that were incredibly shocking. Not enough of them for my taste though. 

Finally, I liked The Last Jedi. Was it flawed? Yes. Did the humor in it fit with the rest of the series? No. The humor coming from actual jokes is about as far away from George Lucas comedy like Jar Jar and farting space camels as you can get. It’s actually one of the biggest reasons why I think some fans didn’t think it was really “star wars-y.” Despite it’s issues, that movie introduced new concepts and themes and pushed the series forward in a way that The Force Awakens (which I liked better overall) didn’t, and the spin-offs Rogue One (which I thought was great but unnecessary) and Solo (which I hated more than any other Star Wars movie I saw in theaters, even Attack of the Clones) didn’t. I waited my whole life for new Star Wars because I wanted new Star Wars, not retreads playing in the OT’s bathwater. 

A side-note for a second: I used to always leave my takes on the big blockbuster movies I saw on Facebook. I realized, while ruminating on this movie during the afternoon that I stopped doing that a few years ago. Looking back, it was The Last Jedi that caused that break. I argued so much with friends and family over that movie that I must have decided at some point it wasn’t even worth sharing my opinions on social media. In terms of big budget cinema (I said it) I can’t think of anything as divisive. At least when it came to Batman V Superman, it was so overwhelmingly negative that I don’t remember the lovers of that movie feeling the need to justify it. Or maybe it’s just that social media is overwhelmingly toxic or that our culture in general is sick. I dunno, I’m not writing a Sociology thesis paper here. Back to Rise of Skywalker:

My sister Abby informed me last week that I was going to get to go to this press screening as my brother-in-law Leo’s plus one (he works in the industry) as an early Christmas gift. I was so excited and happy, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to get to see the conclusion of my favorite movie series of all time over two days before paying audiences got to! I was pretty much buzzing on a tibana gas high all week. This is why I moved to LA! (Yes, I know that Tibana gas doesn’t get you high. Spice does. Let me mangle these EU references like Solo.) 

The El Capitan Theater in Hollywood is a historical building I’ve always wanted to see a movie at, and what could be better to see than the END OF THE SKY-WALKER SAGA? (Well, Avengers: Endgame*, for starters.) Despite how small and cramped the seats were (humans my size did not exist in the 1930s), my anticipation couldn’t have been higher. I even had my complimentary bucket of popcorn and my free Coke Zero Sugar like the paid off Disney shill I am. The theater darkened, the Lucasfilm logo shone, and we were taken back to a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

I’m just gonna get blunt here. It’s impossible for me to say Rise of Skywalker is anything other than a disappointment. I have felt upset and angry after seeing a Star Wars movie (Solo). I have tried to convince myself I loved what I just watched after seeing a Star Wars movie (The Phantom Menace). I have never felt as indifferent about what I’ve seen after I left a Star Wars movie as I did today. And this was something I was really, really, looking forward to.

I promised no spoilers, so here’s my best attempt: The movie is at least 2 movies in one, crammed together at a breakneck pace that is basically held together by the charisma of the actors and the beauty of the special effects shots. The movie looks and feels like a proper Star Wars. I just can’t think of a time where I left a two and a half hour movie and thought it could have used 15 minutes more of exposition. It’s not like it doesn’t make sense, but nothing’s explained and you’re either on board or not. There’s an important character moment that gets brought up repeatedly and never resolved or mentioned after the climax starts. Things happen and exist and this movie doesn’t have the time to tell you why. The pacing is a mess. It is a ton of movie. Hope your eyes are able to keep up. There are also lots of groan-inducing moments and scenes that aren’t enough to ruin the movie but definitely pushed my goodwill to the breaking point.

If you hated The Last Jedi, I have a feeling you’ll be much happier with this. It turns that entire movie into a steaming pile of bantha poo-doo. There are still some things from that movie that resurface, but this movie does a better job honoring the prequels than it does it’s direct fore-bearer. (Seriously, this movie does some heavy lifting to make sure the prequels are connected to the rest of the series in a way George Lucas himself never bothered to do. Despite hating a lot of the prequels, it’s pretty cool.)

And that’s not to say it’s all bad! The action is so, so great, the effects are on another level, the stuff that is good is really good! There are iconic shots throughout that I could have seen on a poster hanging on my ten-year-old bedroom wall. The classic iconography is exalted in Rise of Skywalker. Once it switches from the “first movie” to a Force Awakens-style redux of Return of the Jedi, it’s pretty awesome. I love BB-8, and more that will have to wait for spoiler talk.

It’s never boring or hard to watch either. Plus, having John Williams finish out this series ensures it always sounds like Star Wars. What a gem.

So that’s it.

A mixed bag. 

After all the hype, after all this time, after all the money Disney spent devouring our childhoods and pop culture, that’s all this movie is. Honestly, I was hoping for a lot more. And maybe that will reveal itself when I see it again Thursday night. Even if it doesn’t, I’m still happy it exists. This sequel trilogy (for all its faults) is more than I could have ever hoped for as a child.

I can’t wait until everyone sees it and we can talk about the plot and argue about the movie online until we all hate each other again.

*This movie’s pacing made me appreciate the work the Russo brothers did on Infinity war and Endgame so much. It was a harder task than this movie, and they did it so easily I forgot what a near impossible task that must have been. Honestly, the MCU is really the Star Wars of our time. Don’t shoot me.

[bbclesmis]

King Of The Castle: At Home With Dominic West

As the star of HBO's The Wire and The Affair, Dominic West made his name playing conflicted Americans battling their demons and struggling to find their places in the world. And cheating on their women. In real life, he's a self-deprecating father of four from outside Sheffield, and among his chief preoccupations is how to preserve the 800-year-old Irish castle inherited by his wife.

"Excuse me," says Dominic West, "I’m just going to wipe this so you can sit down and you won’t be infected with disease." About seven crumbs on his otherwise clean kitchen table disappear with the swipe of a tea towel, and he gets back to the business of making lunch. We’re in the kitchen of his house in Wiltshire, where he lives with his wife Catherine and their four children.

His head turns from cupboard to cupboard, like he’s watching a tennis match. “Where has the rice gone? Would you like rice?”

Yes please, if that’s what you’re having.

“I am, if I can fucking find it.”

He fucking finds it and a pan of rice goes on the hob next to the pan of leftover beef stew. “So I’m on the cover?” he says, looking out of the window. “But doesn’t that mean you’ve got to try and make it interesting?”

In 2000, Dominic West joined an Argentinian circus. This was the year before he auditioned for and won his breakthrough role of Detective Jimmy McNulty on The Wire and the year after he had a single line (“The boy’s here to see Padmé”) as a guard of one of those science-fiction sliding doors in Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace. He was 30, five years out of drama school and father to a one-year-old daughter.

The circus, De La Guarda, had a show, also called De La Guarda, at the Roundhouse in Camden. It was the hottest ticket in London that year. The audience entered the round to ambient music under a low paper ceiling. Performers would burst through the paper, on ropes, and eventually a pounding live soundtrack accompanied a dozen or more roped performers as they ran around the walls of the circular venue. Water rained down. Some audience members would be lifted into the air; others, perhaps more fortunate, would be pressed into urgent dancing with attractive, adrenalised Argentinians unclipped from their shackles. Or indeed, West himself.

‘What’s amazing,’ says Keira Knightley, ‘is that Dominic can play characters who should be total dickheads, yet he manages to give them a point of view and his own incredible charm. It is a great skill’

“Why did I do it?” says West, somewhat incredulously. “You saw it! Wouldn’t you want to run away and join that circus? It was such a sexy show. I saw it in London and New York, then heard they were auditioning in London and I had to do it. I did a lot of shows in five months with those amazing men and women, then they went to Vegas. It was a disaster there. The water. People dressed up for a Vegas show — of course they didn’t want to get wet.”

West didn’t want to go to Vegas. But he would end up spending a lot more time in America, filming five seasons of The Wire and four seasons of The Affair, with a fifth and final one due to start filming a couple of days after we make lunch.

“The toughest part of making these big episodic American television shows is missing my family and the boredom,” he says, gearing himself up for the process to begin again. “Sitting around waiting and not being bored is hard. There was a time when I had a play in the West End [Butley, 2011] and was learning Iago [for Othello] and I had more on than usual. That was hard work, but the harder that aspect of the work gets, the more enjoyable it is. Actual graft is what’s great about acting. That’s something I relish, because most of the time, it’s about coping with tedium.”

To stop himself being bored on set, West likes to have fun. “You can’t not have fun with him,” says Keira Knightley, soon to be seen alongside West in the film Colette. “I think fun is something that Dominic brings to everything. He very much likes a night out, is always up for a laugh and is, in the best way, wicked. And he is a phenomenally good actor, he really is. So effortless.”

“For a lot of us,” Knightley says, “who do actually need to concentrate when we’re working, it’s, ‘How are you that good when you're chatting and joking until the very last second?’ Even I had to tell him to shut up so I could concentrate. Which I had to do quite a lot.”

West is not about to shut up. And he’s not the only one. “I just did a thing with Olivia Colman [a BBC mini-series adaptation of Les Misérables] and: fuck me! Ha ha ha! The whole thing is like playing top-level sports with her. How frivolous can you be up to ‘Action!’ and then be amazing. She doesn’t do that consciously, she is just really fucking good. She is way, way, way better than me. I had to stop listening to her because she is so funny.”

Then a more serious thought occurs. “Malcolm Gladwell’s thing about 10,000 hours [the writer’s theory, from his book Outliers, that to be expert in any field requires that exact amount of practice time]? I worked it out and I’ve had at least 20,000 hours. I’ve acted so much now I can turn it on and off, and that’s maybe where the humour thing comes in. I have had an awful lot of practice at this.”

Dominic West first got the taste for drama when he was nine years old. His mother, Moya, gave him a part in her amateur production of The Winslow Boy, at Sheffield University’s drama studio. His father, George, had a factory in Wakefield that made vandal-proof bus shelters. George’s father, Harold, a managing director of a steelworks in Barnsley, fought in WWI and was wounded at the Battle of Vimy Ridge. “After, he wrote a note to go with his medals,” says West, “that said, ‘Here are a few mementos from a deeply happy part of my life’.” West has found documentaries commemorating the centenary of the Armistice “deeply moving.”

He is the sixth of seven children, with five sisters and an elder brother. They grew up in a large house on the edge of the Peak District, about 10 miles southwest of Sheffield. He boarded at Eton and hated it to begin with. “I was very homesick, had no reference to it, didn’t know anyone who had gone and I felt I was in the wrong place.” Inspiring teachers and school plays gave him something to be excited about and set him on his path.

“It’s pretentious to say, really, but my acting education was defined by doing Hamlet at Eton, reading Ulysses when I was doing my English degree at Trinity College in Dublin, then War and Peace, which we put on at Guildhall [School of Music & Drama in London]. That’s it, really. All I learned anywhere.”

Legend has it that in the audience watching his Prince of Denmark was Damian Lewis, a couple of years behind West at school, and later the star of Band of Brothers, Homeland and Billions. So taken was the younger lad by what he saw that he decided to become an actor.

“Categorically: no,” Lewis tells me, over the phone from Los Angeles. “I had always acted at school and always enjoyed it. Me thinking it was something I could do more seriously didn’t happen until I was 16 years old, after seeing Dom do Hamlet. He was very charismatic. A big, booming sonorous voice, especially for a 17-year-old. I was very taken with him, he was very captivating up on stage.”

Since graduating from Guildhall, West has worked solidly. He is not a huge movie star but is highly successful and versatile. There aren’t many men who could convincingly play both Fred West and Richard Burton, as West has done. He won a Bafta for his Fred West. He’s most memorable as Jimmy McNulty, not least because he and The Wire are so good, but also because constant reminders of those two facts have become standard reference points in the increasingly vast conversation about the New Golden Age of TV.

He has, in his own words, played “a long line of philandering cads”, from McNulty on to Hector Madden, the Fifties news anchor in two seasons of The Hour for the BBC, to Noah in The Affair and Willy in Colette. “What’s amazing,” says Keira Knightley, “is that he can play characters that should be total dickheads, yet he manages to give them a point of view and his own incredible charm, so you sort of forgive them for how terrible they might be. It is a great skill.”

But he is far from typecast. His five film roles previous to Willy in Colette are: Lara Croft’s dad, a sort of country-gent Indiana Jones, in Tomb Raider; a quietly pompous pyjamas-wearing modern artist in the Swedish film The Square, which won the Palme D’Or at the 2017 Cannes Film Festival; Rudder, a comic-relief Cockney sea lion in Pixar’s Finding Dory; a Teflon swine of a CEO opposite George Clooney and Julia Roberts in Money Monster; and, in Genius, Ernest Hemingway.

There have been stage successes, including star turns in the West End. Following up the blockbuster and critically lauded play Jerusalem, the writer Jez Butterworth and director Ian Rickson could have done any play with anyone on any stage. They chose Dominic West to star in The River, a short, intense play with one man and two women in the 90-seater upstairs room at the Royal Court Theatre in London, for which West won universal praise.

‘It is a bad thing to be self-deprecating. It’s quite an English thing, which you become very aware of in America. People don’t understand: why do yourself down? I sort of agree with it, now’

“Dominic is able to unleash his unconscious in a really ‘present’ way,” says Ian Rickson. “It allows him to fuse into the darkness of Fred West, for example, or the troubled soul of McNulty. In terms of archetypes, he has a trickster quality hiding a warrior/lover inside. That’s exciting. There’s very little ego and a lot of generosity of spirit. He actually has a refreshingly comic sense of himself, so he does really value the opportunities he has, and doesn’t take them too seriously.”

West feels he does and he doesn’t. “I suppose deep down there’s a feeling that what I do isn’t desperately serious. It might have been Mark Boxer, the cartoonist, who said he went to some lunch for cartoonists, an awards maybe, and he was having a piss and the guy next to him said, ‘Cartoonist. It’s not a real job, is it?’ And he said, ‘No, it’s not. Isn’t that great!’ He took great comfort from that and I feel the same about acting. But there is something in me which feels, partly because I have been doing it all my life and did as a hobby before I did it professionally, that this is not a serious job for adults.”

Perhaps this is why he’s so self-deprecating. Twice during our conversations, he says that he’s not a “real actor”, bringing up Daniel Day-Lewis’s commitment to doing an accent the entire time he makes a film, on and off set, and his own inability to match that; and pointing out Robert De Niro’s weight gain for Raging Bull. For Colette, West wore a fat suit.

And yet, during our conversations, he trots out seven perfect accents and imitations: Mick Jagger, the German film director Werner Herzog, Northern Irish, Irish, Australian, New York and a deep, thespian-type voice to convey mock indignance. He’s not showing off. Some of the voices were to make anecdotes funnier and others were just as anyone might do an accent subconsciously when you think of someone with an accent. You know, for fun.

But he can be serious. “It is a bad thing, to be self-deprecating,” he says, a little bit disappointed with himself. “Maybe it’s an educational thing. It’s quite an English thing, which you become very aware of in America. People just don’t understand why on earth you would do that. There are enough people who would do you down, why do yourself down? I sort of agree with it, now. It is tiresome.”

Clarke Peters, who played Lester Freamon in The Wire, and Othello to West’s Iago on stage in 2011, has a different view of his friend’s dilemma. “As good an actor as he is, his self- deprecating comments are his truth. He would prefer to be playing than talking about himself; exploring a character, discovering nuances, dissecting a character’s arc, is where he’s comfortable. Presenting all that unseen work is nerve-wracking. And actors are never the best judges of their own work. So, to be safe from criticism and microscopic scrutiny, self-deprecation is the best defence."

The fat suit in Colette was no cop-out. “I was then about to play Jean Valjean,” West says, more forgiving of himself now, “a man who has been in prison for 19 years, so there was a clash of waistline imperatives.” He plays the lead in a song-free, six-part Les Misérables — the project in which Olivia Colman out-joked him — the BBC’s first big drama of 2019, with the opening episode broadcast on New Year’s Day.

According to Keira Knightley, the extra padding, and a walrus moustache, did not mute West’s physical attractiveness. “Nobody looks good in that,” she says, “but he somehow manages to be dangerously sexy through it. It was a main conversation between the rest of us on set: how he managed to ooze sexuality while he was farting in two fat suits. Quite extraordinary. I can’t think of another actor who might be able to do that.”

Sarah Treem, the showrunner of The Affair, could not conceive of anyone else but West as her leading man, Noah Solloway. “He didn’t audition. I wrote it with him in mind,” she says. “I was a huge fan of The Wire and I just loved how complicated he could be — both likeable and unlikeable at the same time.”

The Affair begins with Noah, a married father of four, embarking on a fling with a waitress, Alison, played by Ruth Wilson, and then follows the fall-out for the two of them, their spouses and extended families. West, Wilson and the wider cast are terrific, as is the show’s central conceit of telling the story from the point-of-view of different characters, usually two in each hour-long episode.

“Dominic is so good at playing all different facets of Noah,” Treem continues. “His intelligence, his lust, his insecurity, the pain of his childhood, his love for his children. He lets Noah be a very complicated, sometimes deeply generous, sometimes horribly selfish, man.”

West concurs, with a caveat. “I have had difficulty wondering why someone who I can identify with — he’s my age and has a bunch of kids — would do the things he does. Sarah, a very brilliant woman younger than I am, looked at me with a raised eyebrow when I said, ‘Men my age just don’t do that. Why leave your wife and kids for a waitress and start another family?’ She told me the stories of several real people who had. Not that I want my characters to be sympathetic, but I want to give them the benefit of the doubt and I have struggled with Noah in that regard.”

West has five children: a daughter, 20, with former girlfriend Polly Astor, and two sons and two daughters aged 12, 10, nine and five, with his wife, the landscape designer Catherine FitzGerald. It is Catherine’s beef stew we have been eating for lunch, their children’s clothes drying on the Aga behind us. On a smaller table in a nook in the corner of the kitchen, next to some half-completed maths homework, is a pile of dad’s hardbacks: The Flame by Leonard Cohen, William Dalrymple’s retelling of the Indian mutiny of 1857, The Last Mughal, and Changing Stages, Richard Eyre and Nicholas Wright’s history of 20th-century theatre.

Out in the driveway, a small child’s BMX has been discarded in front of mum’s Audi A3, in perfect position to be crunched into the gravel next time the car sets off. At lunch, West didn’t know where the rice was because he and his family have only lived in this house, a former brewery in a Wiltshire hamlet, for a few weeks. They used to live in Shepherd’s Bush, in a house that once belonged to another actor from Sheffield, Brian Glover.

“I have led my family out of London slightly against their will,” West admits, “and quite legitimately want my children to be around plants and animals more than they perhaps might be in London. My wife said I’m trying to create my childhood home here and I said, [now, the thespian accent] ‘No I’m not! Preposterous! What do you mean? It’s nothing like that!’”

His wife’s childhood home is Glin Castle in County Limerick, Ireland, a true country pile (15 ensuite bedrooms, 380 acres, secret bookcase doors) that, in various versions, has been in her family for nearly 800 years. (It’s the house you can see in the background of the photographs on these pages.) She and West want to hold on to it. To do so, the house needs to become a going concern as an events and private hire venue to cover its annual £130,000 running costs.

“I do like history and I do like old buildings,” West says. “I’m also conscious of my wife’s father and his and her legacies. He worked in conservation in Ireland, to try and preserve these old buildings, which were out of favour for many years. It’s up to us to try and keep that going, because when they’re bought by hotels and the like, they’re often destroyed.”

This Christmas and New Year, he says, “we have a super-A-list celebrity taking it. Who, I can’t possibly divulge. Actually, can you do us a big favour and put the website, please, at the end of the piece? ‘Glin dash castle dot com.’ It would make my life easier.”

It’s time to do the school pick-up. “We can keep talking in the car,” he says, and leads the way to a silver Chrysler Grand Voyager. “It has,” West says, buckling up, “the biggest capacity of any people carrier.”

Precisely something a turning-50-next-year dad-of-five should say. “I have no problem getting older,” he says. “For male actors of my age there is less emphasis, and I have already started to play the dad of the lover instead of the lover. The pressure is off. Some swami said that the key to happiness is ‘I don’t mind what happens.’ You mind less about things, let go of them. Turning 50 is great. My daughter is also turning 21, so we should have quite a party.”

He has regrets. “I suppose I wish I had played more Shakespearean roles.”

What about the old-man ones? “Only Lear is as good as the young ones.”

What about not being James Bond? “Fuck no! I’m delighted now that I didn’t get it.”

Auditioning for Bond, in 2005, West turned up in a T-shirt and tatty jeans. “I remember the director, Martin Campbell, saying, ‘Thank Christ you haven’t turned up in a tux like everybody else’. It was for Casino Royale. At the time, I really wanted to get it. I love Bond, and I was the right age for it. They asked me, ‘What do you think should happen with Bond?’ And I said something deeply uninspired like, ‘I think he should go back to being more like Sean Connery’. I thought then that it was the best job you can do. Now, I’m not so sure. You have a year-and-a-half of hell doing publicity.”

West pulls up opposite the school. “Wait here. Enjoy the smell. Kids’ banana skins,” he says, opening the driver’s door. Puzzled, I sniff the air. There is no unpleasant aroma. The interior of Dominic West’s car smells perfectly fine. But, of course, he claims otherwise. He’s a terrific actor and a thoroughly likeable chap, but that self-deprecation still needs some work.

Colette is in cinemas on 11 January; glin-castle.com (https://www.esquire.com/uk/culture/a25557268/dominic-west-interview/)

[galacticnewsnetwork]

First things first. We had to pick a place to start our trip from, so we decided on Chicago. Why? Because it’s the best dang city on earth!

…also it’s where we’re based.

From your starting point in the City of Big Shoulders, you’ll depart on a trip that’ll take you to 17 different countries and five different continents across the globe. Here’s how the cost of plane travel, car rentals, and gas (using a standard gas mileage of 23.9 mpg) will add up country by country.

Leg #1: The United States

For the first leg of your journey, you’ll fly from Chicago to San Diego, then rent a car and drive to three locations:

Yuma, Arizona, where they filmed the Sarlacc pit scene on Tatooine in Return of the Jedi.

Twenty Mule Team Canyon/Death Valley, where they filmed several scenes on Tatooine for A New Hope.

Redwood National Park, where they filmed the forest scenes on Endor for Return of the Jedi.

Then you’ll drive to Sacramento, where the international leg of your journey will begin.

Here are the costs for Leg #1:

Fly from Chicago to San Diego: $362

Rent Car: $116

Drive 1,587 miles: $165

The total cost of the trip so far? $643

Leg #2: Guatemala

Next, you’ll fly from Sacramento to Guatemala City, Guatemala, and rent a car or a landspeeder. You’ll then drive to Tikal, where they filmed the rebel base on Yavin IV in A New Hope. Once you’re finished there, you’ll drive back to Guatemala City.

Here are the costs for Leg #2:

Fly from Sacramento to Guatemala City: $690

Rent car: $30

Drive 666.11 miles from Guatemala City to Tikal and back: $84

The total cost of the trip so far? $1,447

Leg #3: Bolivia

You’ll fly now from Guatemala to La Paz Bolivia, where you’ll rent a bus (or a … really large communal landspeeder?) and head to Unyuni. Once you’re there, you’ll take a tour of the Salar de Uyuni salt flats, aka the planet Crait in The Last Jedi. Then you’ll take the bus back to La Paz and head out.

Here are the costs for Leg #3:

Fly from Guatemala City to La Paz, Bolivia: $867

Bus to Uyuni: $20

Tour of Salar de Uyuni: $168

Bus back to La Paz: $20

The total cost of the trip so far? $2,522

Leg #4: Iceland

Now fly from Guatemala City to Reykjavik, Iceland. (Be warned, this flight’s an expensive one!). Once you’re in Reykjavik, you’ll rent a car and drive to two locations:

Eyjafjallajökull, where they filmed the surface of the Starkiller Base in The Force Awakens.

Reynisfjara, where they filmed the scenes on Eadu for Rogue One.

Skaftafell, where they filmed the escape scene on Crait for The Last Jedi.

Then you’ll drive back to Reykjavik.

Here are the costs for Leg #4:

Fly from La Paz to Reykjavik: $1,225

Rent car: $46

Drive 409.48 miles: $123

The total cost of the trip so far? $3,916

Leg #5: Ireland

The next part of the journey will take you from Reykjavik to the city of Cork in Ireland. There, you’ll rent a car and drive to the Portmagee Marina where you’ll catch a ferry over to Skellig Michael, where they filmed Luke’s island hideout on Ahch-To for The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi. Then you’ll catch the ferry back to Cork and drive over to Brow Head in County Cork, where they also filmed some Ahch-To scenes. Once you’re done there, you’ll head back to to the airport in Cork City.

Here are the costs for Leg #5:

Fly from Reykjavik to Cork: $492

Rent a car: $20

Ferry tour to Skellig Michael: $42

Drive 277.53 miles: $72

The total cost of the trip so far? $4,542

Leg #6: United Kingdom

For this leg, you’ll fly from Cork to London Stansted Airport, then you’ll rent a car and drive to a whopping eight locations:

Canary Wharf, London, where they filmed the Imperial complex on Scarif in Rogue One.

Whippendell Woods, Cassiobury Park, Watford, where they filmed scenes on Naboo for The Phantom Menace.

Bovingdon Airfield, Hertfordshire, where they filmed the battles scenes on Scarif for Rogue One.

RAF Greenham Common, Berkshire, where they filmed the scenes for the Resistance Base on D’Qar in The Force Awakens.

Fawley Power Station, where they filmed scenes for Solo.

Puzzlewood, Forest of Dean, where they filmed the forest scenes on Takodana in The Force Awakens.

RAF Cardington, Bedfordshire, where they filmed they filmed the Rebel Base hangar scenes on Yavin IV for A New Hope and Rogue One.

Thirlmere, Cumbria, where they filmed the scenes of the X-Wings flying low over Takodana in The Force Awakens.

Derwentwater, Cumbria, where they filmed the scenes outside Maz Kanada’s club on Takodana in The Force Awakens.

Then you’ll drive to the Glasgow airport.

Here are the costs for Leg #6:

Fly from Cork to London Stansted Airport: $187

Rent car: $67

Drive 898 miles: $230

The total cost of the trip so far? $5,027

Leg #7: Norway

Next, you’ll fly from Glasgow to Oslo, then rent a car and drive to Hardangerjøkulen Glacier, where they filmed the exterior scenes during the Battle of Hoth in The Empire Strikes Back. You’ll take a tour of the glacier and then you’ll drive back to Oslo.

Here are the costs for Leg #7:

Fly from Glasgow to Oslo: $213

Rent car: $74

Hardangerjøkulen Glacier tour: $78

Drive 342.37 miles: $93

The total cost of the trip so far? $5,485

Leg #8: Spain

For this leg, you’ll fly from Oslo to Malaga, then rent a car and drive to Plaza de España in Seville, where they filmed the city of Theed on Naboo in Attack of the Clones. Then you’ll drive to the airport in Malaga.

Here are the costs for Leg #8:

Fly from Oslo to Malaga: $123

Rent car: $36

Drive 270.92 miles: $61

The total cost of the trip so far? $5,705

Leg #9: Switzerland

Next, you’ll fly from Malaga to Zurich, then rent a car and drive to Grindelwald (yes, Harry Potter fans, that’s a real place), where they filmed backdrops for Alderaan in Revenge of the Sith. Then you’ll drive back to Zurich.

Here are the costs for Leg #9:

Fly from Malaga to Zurich: $224

Rent car: $122

Drive 188.90 miles: $47

The total cost of the trip so far? $6,098

Leg #10: Italy

Now fly from Zurich to Milan, then you’ll rent a car and drive to three locations:

Villa del Balbianello, where they filmed Padme and Anakin’s wedding scene in Attack of the Clones.

Monte Piana, where they filmed scenes for Solo.

Tre Cime, where they filmed scenes for Solo.

Palace of Caserta, where they filmed scenes in the Naboo Royal Palace for The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones.

Mount Etna, where the filmed footage of a live volcanic eruption that they used for scenes on Mustafar in The Revenge of the Sith.

Then you’ll drive to the airport in Palermo.

Here are the costs for Leg #10:

Fly from Zurich to Milan: $264

Rent car: $67

Drive 1,416.73 miles:: $399

The total cost of the trip so far? $6,828

Leg #11: Croatia

You’ll fly into the city of Dubrovnik, which stood in for Canto Bight for The Last Jedi. You’ll rent a car head on over to Large Onofrio’s Fountain, where the Canto Bight exteriors were shot. Then you’ll go back to the airport and fly to the Canary Islands—specifically, you’ll fly to the island of Fuerteventura.

Here are the costs for Leg #11:

Fly from Milan to Dubrovnik: $413

Rent car: $28

Drive 26.4 miles to Large Onofrio’s Fountain and back: $6

The total cost of the trip so far? $7,275

Leg #12: Fuerteventura

You’ll fly into Fuerteventura Airport then rent a car and drive to two nearby spots where they filmed scenes for Solo: La Pared and Cofete. Once you’ve crossed those sights off your list, you’ll head back to the airport and continue onto Tunisia. (Warning, you’re going to be in Tunisia for a while, so maybe grab a snack or something before you head out.)

Here are the costs for Leg #12:

Fly from Dubrovnik toFuerteventura Airport: $366

Rent car: $43

Drive 132.35 miles: $30

The total cost of the trip so far? $7,714

Leg #13: Tunisia

Now fly from Fuerteventura (through an asteroid field) to Tunis, then rent a car and drive to eight (eight!) locations, where they filmed scenes for Tatooine for A New Hope, The Phantom Menace, and Attack of the Clones:

Onk Jemal, Tozeur, where they filmed scenes in Mos Espa and the lightsaber duel between Qui-Gon Jinn and Darth Maul in The Phantom Menace.

Sidi Bouhlel, near Tozeur, where they filmed scenes on the Lars Homestead for A New Hope.

Chott el Djerid, near Nefta, where they filmed C-3PO and R2-D2’s arrival on Tatooine in A New Hope.

Matmata, where they filmed scenes on the Lars homestead for A New Hope and Attack of the Clones.

Ksar Hadada, Ghoumrassen, where they filmed some of the Mos Espa slave quarters scenes in The Phantom Menace.

Ksar Ouled Soltane, where they filmed some of the other Mos Espa slave quarters scenes for The Phantom Menace.

Ajim, Island of Djerba, where they filmed scenes for Obi-Wan Kenobi’s house and Mos Eisley for A New Hope.

Sidi Jemour, Island of Djerba, where they filmed several scenes for The Phantom Menace and A New Hope.

Then you’ll drive to back to Tunis.

Here are the costs for Leg #12:

Fly from Fuerteventura to Tunis: $446

Rent car: $103

Drive 1,008 miles: $104

The total cost of the trip so far? $8,367

Leg #14: Jordan

Now find a scruffy smuggler to fly you from Tunis to Queen Alia International Airport, then rent a car and drive to Wadi Rum, where they filmed scenes set on Jedha for Rogue One.  Then you’ll drive to back to Queen Alia International Airport.

Here are the costs for Leg #13:

Fly from Tunis to Queen Alia International Airport: $408

Rent car: $30

Drive 585 km: $58

The total cost of the trip so far? $8,863

Leg #15: United Arab Emirates

The next leg of your trip will take you from Jordan to Abu Dhabi, then rent a car and drive to Rub’ al Khali where they filmed the desert scenes on Jakku for The Force Awakens. Then you’ll drive back to the Abu Dhabi airport.

Here are the costs for Leg #14:

Fly from Queen Alia International Airport to Abu Dhabi: $329

Rent car: $40

Drive 234.26 miles: $19

The total cost of the trip so far? $9,251

Leg #16: The Maldives

For this leg, you’ll fly from Abu Dhabi to Male International Airport in The Maldives. You’ll then take a domestic flight to The Laamu Atoll where they filmed scenes on Scarif for Rogue One.  Then you’ll take a flight back Male International Airport.

Here are the costs for Leg #15:

Fly from Abu Dhabi to Male International Airport: $545

Round trip domestic flight to Laamu Atoll: $390

The total cost of the trip so far? $10,186

Leg #17: Thailand

Now jump on a speeder and fly from The Maldives to Phuket, then take a boat tour of, Phang Nga Bay where they filmed backdrops for Kashyyyk in The Revenge of the Sith. Then you’ll head back to the airport.

Here are the costs for Leg #16:

Fly from Male Internation Airport to Phuket: $374

Boat tour of Phang Nga Bay: $58

The total cost of the trip so far? $10,618

Leg #18: China

Next hit the hyperdrive and soar from Phuket to Gullin, then rent a car and driver and go to Elephant Trunk Hill, where they filmed where they filmed backdrops for Kashyyyk in The Revenge of the Sith. Then you and your driver will return to Guilin

Here are the costs for Leg #17:

Fly from Phuket to Guilin: $285

Rent car with driver: $138

The total cost of the trip so far? $11,041

Leg #19: Return to Chicago

That’s it! You’ve visited all the Star Wars filming locations! The only thing left to do is fly back to where you started:

Chicago, where they have filmed many movies, including Transformers 3: Dark of The Moon and Man of Steel, as well as a number of films that weren’t terrible. No Star Wars, though.

Here are the costs for Leg #18

Flight from Guilin, China, to Chicago: $1,479

Total Costs

Now that you’re back home again, let’s see how your costs have added up…

Here are the costs for Legs #1-19

Flights: $9,682

Cars and Gas: $2,452

Other: $386

The total cost of your trip? $12,520

Want to Read More?

Ever wondered how much the Death Star would cost. So did we. As it turns out, the answer is “a lot”.

For fans of the original trilogy who actually saw them in theatres back when they were first released, you might enjoy our Stranger Things infographic where we look at how the cost of living has changed between 1983 and now!

If you want to save for this trip, you’ll have to above and beyond. Check out our post on The ABCs of Saving to learn more tips and strategies for tucking extra money away.

Can you figure out an even cheaper way to see all these locations mentioned in this post? We’d love to hear from you! You can email us or you can find us on Facebook and Twitter.

Sources:

Article:  opploans.com

http://www.calculator.net/fuel-cost-calculator.html

http://gasprices.aaa.com/

http://kayak.com

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Star_Wars_filming_locations

https://www.rita.dot.gov/bts/sites/rita.dot.gov.bts/files/publications/national_transportation_statistics/html/table_04_23.html

https://www.expedia.com/lp/flights/smf/gua/sacramento-to-guatemala-city

https://www.expatistan.com/

https://www.expedia.com/lp/flights/gua/kef/guatemala-city-to-reykjavik

http://www.skelligmichaelcruises.com/booking-skellig-island-tours/

https://www.farecompare.com/flights/Cork-ORK/London-LON/market.html#quote?quoteKey=CORKCLON20171226R20180102P1CTF

https://www.expedia.com/lp/flights/gla/osl/glasgow-to-oslo

https://www.farecompare.com/flights/Oslo-OSL/Malaga-AGP/market.html#quote?quoteKey=COSLCAGP20171226R20180102P1CTF

https://www.expedia.com/lp/flights/agp/zrh/malaga-to-zurich

http://www.sixsenses.com/resorts/laamu/destination/how-to-get-there

http://english.ctrip.com/flights/guilin-to-chicago/airfares-kwl-chi/

https://www.tour-beijing.com/guilin_airport_transfer_and_guilin_train_station_transfer/

[the-firebird69]

As far as the storyline goes this is fairly accurate it leaves a bunch of stuff out when he does go in and he breaks out of prison and he's not riot they did a word game on there didnot work.

There's a lot of people are confused about the storyline but here is stated fairly clearly and breaks out goes around killing people and venomen he has started this enemy thing and he's saying to me with a lot of people and off rodeo Beach is odd that's where he was for one day couldn't stand it and people are nasty and it sound like they do now here we looked at I can't figure out what it is and there's a certain chemical there and it's not found here so wondering why the people here are doing it and figured out something they're infected with Venom and they can't handle it most people can't what he can off and on that handles it and I'll send him very well he's really mad cuz he should be kind of covers up the fact that he's handling it tell moving on to the storyline Woody harrelson is going to be in this prison that you see pictured here and yes it is North of San Francisco it is in Marine county and it's not very close to rodeo drive or rodeo beach now that's an LA county reason why the movement is because San Francisco is trying to grab a stuff and sent to mention a bunch of homos down there to retrieve him and the Terminator series is going on at the same time but he goes out there first to make a note it becomes possessed he tries to get here over and over and over and then he goes north and tries to get the key he finally gets it he goes up and he hits some targets comes back down to the Bronx and he gets fired then he goes to Massachusetts by then Massachusetts is embroiled because of what's going on up there with monsters and everything else and that's the storyline and the importance of it is that because of what happens to Trump the incident occurs with the ISS the new one which is now called the antenna ISS and it happens with the queen Elizabeth and Lily as well and they come crashing down down there and it's a few of them and Tommy favino it's going to be in Apocalypse Now in between movies between Venom Carnage and zombie Land Tommy savino will be tried and convicted and they'll send in machine is actually bja and after that it's the Bronx movie and he gets fired and BGA gets fired but DJ makes it out and Trump makes it out for a while gets Brian comes back as Freddy Krueger knocks around for a long time comes down here bothers our son gets beat up a whole bunch of his guys die every day finally I couldn't take it anymore it goes back to Westport to face his demons and back to Stowe and Concord to find out who did it and why he did figure it out and Johnny Depp helped they both getting a lot of trouble for it and then Trump goes missing and they find his head as Stefan with no breathing and then they find his body with no head on it she don't know what happened to him or where he went if he went somewhere that was after Freddy Krueger after Star wars The phantom menace

Thor Freya