#(you want to bring out the worst side of me show me a character within that particular archetype who is incredibly popular)

[musical-chick-13]

I love being nit-picky about canon until it's a character I hate. Then I love intentionally interpreting every single thing about them through the absolute worst lens possible. Because I hate them. And I love hating. Hope this helps.

[airbendertendou]

you are in love! ♥︎

synopsis : various best friend!characters realizing they like you a lil more when they should  [including bonten!sanzu, draken, senju, izana, aiura, saiki, satan, leon kennedy, and tamaki suoh.]

no pronouns used / gender neutral ; [name] used in place of y/n ; reader makes filipino food in izanas, im not from the philippines so pls don’t expect it to b accurate ; friends w benefits situation in satans ; reader dresses as sophie in tamakis but w pants and a shirt instead of a dress

song inspo ; you are in love by taylor swift 

if you have a blank blog [no bio, no user, no header or profile pic, nothing reblogged, etc] do not interact with my content. you will be blocked. 

——♥︎——

SANZU ♥︎

“big, scary bonten man,” you mumble to yourself. sanzu peaks at you over his shoulder as he cleans his gun, eyes narrowing at your tone. “never mean around me though, hm?”

he pauses, head tilting and pink hair following with it. you scoot further up the bed, laying against his pillows as he thinks. “i’m nice to mikey.”

“…that’s your boss.”

sanzu makes a show of rolling his eyes as he clicks his gun back together, satisfied with its new shine. “do you want me to be mean to you or somethin’?”

“why not?” you speak with a grin. the edge of the bed lifts as he stands, putting all his weapons away. sanzu pauses at your words, scrunching his nose in confusion. “definitely don’t look so mean ‘nd scary.”

huffing, he settles back on the bed, still sitting on the edge but a little closer this time. “i kill people, [name]. that’s pretty scary.”

you shrug, sitting up. your feet knock against his knees at the movement. “c’mon, haru,” you tilt your head back so that your neck is fully accessible, “do your worst.”

the room stills and you’re afraid you’ve pushed too far — afraid he might actually take you up on the offer. but something soft is pressed to the left side of your neck within the next second, lifting and latching onto different spots.

you gulp, feeling his responding grin against the middle of your throat.

the right side is given attention now, multiple kisses being scattered randomly. sanzu lifts his lips once more and places them on the base of your neck, his tongue and teeth making an appearance—

“ow, fucker!” you pull away from his touch with a scowl, your hand covering the new bite mark you’ve been gifted with. haru is grinning widely, teeth flashing in the light — you’re surprised you don’t see blood hanging on them. “didn’t have to bite me, haru.”

he shrugs, “wasn’t even my worst.”

you eye him, slowly dropping your hand from your sore and pulsating neck. “i feel sorry for your one night stands, then.”

sanzu hums, his right hand sliding closer to your hip and his body following until you’re face to face. it makes your cheeks heat ; makes you focus on the movement of his lips as he grins. “they won’t matter much anymore, anyways. have someone new i’m seeing.”

“oh yeah?”

“yeah,” his lips brush against your neck once more. sanzu tugs at your waist, bringing you closer to him as his voice softens into a whisper and settles against your ear. “if you’ll have me.”

DRAKEN ♥︎

a towel is handed to you, followed by a hoodie you know isn’t yours. draken’s cheeks flush, “in case you get cold.”

with an awkward wave, he leaves you alone. the shower you take is needed, warming you up and calming you down at the same time. no matter how long you’d known him, it was still the first time you’d be with draken all night.

the rainstorm appeared suddenly and disappeared as abruptly. it’d drenched you just as you and draken left the cafe you met at. his place was closer, he’d said, and he asked so quietly for you not to say anything. 

it was weird until you got to his place — a brothel.

“alright in there, cutie?” you’d just stepped out of the shower when the voice followed you through the walls. “ken asked me to check on you.”

they were sweet, the women that surrounded draken. they made sure you weren’t hungry ; didn’t need any refreshments or anything as they led you to draken’s room. “have a nice night!” they leave with a giggle.

draken eyes the smile you’re wearing as you tug his hoodie comfortably around your neck. “somethin’ happen?”

“they’re nice,” is all you say in response. his cheeks heat up once more as he turns away from you, body stiffening. “are you ready for bed?”

“oh—“ he clears his throat and shuffles where he stands. “you can take the bed. i’ll have the floor.”

you shake your head, pulling the blanket back and patting the bed. “i don’t mind sharing. right or left side?”

that’s how you end up face to face with draken, staring absently into the dark as your combined body heat warms the comforter. you can feel and hear him let out a sigh, “you okay? all comfy?”

“yeah,” your voice is embarrassingly breathy. he lets out another huff before an arm is wrapped around your waist, pulling you to his chest. “oh— that’’s better, actually.”

draken lets out a laugh, “m’glad. goodnight, [name].” 

SENJU ♥︎

“on the count of three!” senju jumps out of the dressing room adjacent to yours. she pauses, wobbling where she stands before straightening up. her head tilts, “it’s... something, alright!”

you pause, “you hate it.”

“...a little.” senju struts off, grabbing two of everything that catches her eye. she looks over the cloth she’s picked out, nodding in approval. “here,” she stuffs the fabric into your arms, “try this instead.”

you take a bit to figure out what she’d even brought to you — figuring which was the top and which the bottom — struggling to squeeze yourself in. once situated and comfortable, you gaze into the mirror.

it’s cute, watch senju told you to wear. the color is nice and balances your skin out, brightening it and making it glow. the bottoms fit your legs nicely, shaping and enlongating them. you hum in satisfaction, peeking out of the dressing room to see if senju’s done.

“[name]! let me see your outfit!” senju spots you right away. she gestures for you to join her enthusiastically. you open the door fully, scooting out until you’re face to face with her.

you hold out your arms nonchalantly, “ta-da.”

her eyes widen, mouth falling open ever so slightly. snapping it closed, she gulps, looking away before her cheeks turned color. you tilt your head, “senju?”

“yeah,” her voice cracks. the outfit she’s wearing is the same as yours — a matching moment, she went with. senju giggles nervously, “yeah. you look... pretty.”

prettier than she’d ever tell you.

IZANA ♥︎

the smell of lumpia and fried chicken coats the room around you. ran had just rinsed the rice, moving to mix together the rice noodles and shrimp for the palabok. kakucho is to his left, slicing boiled eggs so they could go on top.

you let out a sigh, nodding your head at the impressive menu you’d whiped together. filipino food was a little out of your comfort zone, an unkown taste to you. however, today was an important day — a special one. the oven dings, indicating the cake you’d made was finished. 

fresh out of the oven, the simplistic chocolate cake looks and smells delicious. you slap your hands together, “jus’ needs to cool down and we’re ready to go!”

the front door opens suddenly, rindou’s voice calling out a warning as he enters. shion is right behind him, pink-faced and sheepish as izana steps in, hands crossed over his chest. he raises and eyebrow, “what’s this?” 

“uh—“ kakucho adjusts the apron he’s wearing. it matches the one you’re wearing — ran refused one. he looks around, “surprise?”

“rindou! you were supposed to keep him busy!”

the blond shrugs, “he got bored.”

you sigh, closing your eyes as the food you’ve made is thoroughly examined. izana meets your gaze and raises his eyebrow in question once again. “it was supposed to be a birthday surprise.”

“...it’s filipino food.”

“yeah,” you wring your hands nervously. “you haven’t had it in a while, so i thought i’d try making it.”

izana looks over the food again, stealing a bite here and there as he goes. his eyes close ; his chest expanding with the comfort the familiar dishes bring. when his eyes open, they’re brighter ; more tender than what you’re used to seeing. 

your left hand is raised, a kiss being placed on your knuckles as izana pulls you close. “thank you, [name]. this means a lot.”

you grin, “happy birthday, z.”

AIURA ♥︎

in the morning, right after she does her makeup and before her uniform is on, aiura looks to her crystal ball for guidance. just a way to know things will be okay ; the day won’t be weird.

through the crystalline sphere, she sees her hand clasped in someone else’s. giddy, aiura believes this means she’s found her chosen one. the one made for her ; the one who will love her endlessly.

“—has to be the one!” she’s ranting to an unlistening saiki, rambling about her peek into the future. kaidou slips from leaning against her desk at her words. aiura sighs happily, “i can’t wait to meet them.”

a faceless classmate interupts the moment. “some idiots are fighting outside.”

you go to look — aiura can’t even remember when you came into the room. you rub your eyes tiredly before they widen dramatically. “that’s our idiot! aren’s out there!”

people flood outside, pouring out to help their beaten and bruised classmate. aiura is frozen in her seat — how did she not see this? how did a fight just miraculously break out?

a touch breaks her out of her thoughts. you’re holding her hand — frowning and ranting as you lead her outside. aiura’s face heats — you’re her chosen one? her one and only happiness? 

she gulps as she looks up to your face. this changes things. 

SAIKI ♥︎

the day starts normally. kaidou tells saiki he’d spent the night fighting agianst the dark reunion — he was studying all night. kuboyasu fought the urge to threaten an older boy in the school — just barely. nendou had already asked to eat ramen — they’d just gotten to school. 

saiki let out a sigh, eyes staring at the board in front of him. aiura had bought a new perfume that was clouding his nose, his thoughts — everything. she leans her head to the right so that she could meet his gaze. “what do you think, saiki?”

she’s met with silence. the chair behind him creaks as you sit down, a small laugh being let out as you do. aiura pouts your way, “[name], saiki’s ignoring me!”

you tap saiki’s shoulder lightly, just a brush of a touch, before turning to the blond. “don’t take it personal, aiura. you can just ask me what you want.”

“an angel,” she beams at you. aiura turns to face you fully, scrunching her nose at saiki as she goes. “i got some new perfume and nail polish recently,” she flashes her fingers at you. “cute, right?” 

you lean in closer, chin barely brushing against saiki’s shoulder as you go. you let out a small oooh! at the sigh of her glitzed up nails. “super cute, actually!”

she squints, leaning in a little closer as she does. “you’re wearing a new eyeshadow, aren’t you?”

“i am!” you close your eyes completely, relaxing your face so she can see the color. “like it?”

“looks... familiar for some reason.”

saiki peers at you sneakily from over his shoulder, only looking at you from the corner of his eye. he whips his head around before anyone can see. it is familiar — it’s his exact eye color. it takes everything in saiki to not light up in flames at the thought.

SATAN ♥︎

you had been an acquaintance of satan for months now. he’d come to you when he felt upset ; when the only feeling he could name was rage. when the world was burning and erupting inside of him, boiling and spilling out of his seams. he often took his anger out on you — with your consent, of course. he’s bruise you, scratch you and leave his mark lingering in any way he could.

today, though… today was the opposite. there was an emptiness inside of him ; a devoid and barren system that left him feeling nothing.

satan came to you, straggling and stone-faced as he locked his fingers into yours. you’d gotten close during your times together ; he knew every sigh you made and every face you held. you did the same to him ; made him feel comfort and freedom in ways he couldn’t around his brothers. that’s why he usually came to you when any feeling hit — you didn’t feel suffocating the way the house of lamentation always did.

“you okay?” you’re on his lap somehow, thighs sandwiching his own as his fingers dig into your hips. you brush his hair out of his eyes, “satan?”

he lets out a hum. you jostle slightly, hips meeting his torso — satan let’s out a small groan and let’s his forehead fall to your shoulder. “need me to help you relax?”

it starts off slow, your kissing. the usual upkeep is messy ; tangled and rushed as your clothes are ripped away and your bodies pressed tightly. this time, satan is careful to turn your head the way he wants it to, his hands on your cheekbones and guiding your head left and right.

you’ve just unbuttoned his shirt when you feel it. tears, dripping down your own cheeks. you pause, pulling away and letting your hands lift from his shoulders and settle on his cheeks. you tilt your head, “satan?”

his fingertips welted into your back, molding themselves onto either side of your spine like a pair of faded wings. satan breathes in, his chest stuttering with the feeling. he sniffs, nose and eyebrows curving in confusion as he pulls further away from you. “what’s going on?”

“you’re crying.” you wipe underneath his eyes gently, frown on your kissed, puffy lips. “why are you crying? what’s wrong?”

“i… i’m not sure,” his lower lip trembles. satan falls deeper into your hold, his arms looping around your waist and pulling you closer to him. “feeling too much.”

his fingers dip underneath your shirt, and pull it up until you’re bare and exposed. satan smiles tenderly and you grin back, your own hands crawling up his exposed chest. “sure you’re okay?”

“good with you,” it’s murmured against your neck. satan sniffs again before nipping at your throat, opened mouth kisses trailing down to your sternum. “always good with you.”

LEON S. KENNEDY ♥︎

the bar you’ve found yourself at is starting to get boring. you leave after waving eagerly to your friends, shuffling on the sidewalk as you awkwardly pull your phone from its safe spot. a text from leon catches your eye — a mere thumbs up to the long paragraphs you’d sent his way. you scowl only to realize you’re closer to his apartment than you thought.

he wasn’t asleep — he never slept well — but he wasn’t fully awake either. hearing a tap on his door was strange, but leon let it be, assuming his neighbors had hit the wall on their way in.

until a long, drawn out whine of his name flew through the room.

swaying in his doorway was you ; eyes half-lided and your shirt falling down your shoulder. you grin his way, “hi, lee!”

“[name]. why’re you here?” he sounds gruff ; annoyed with the way you seem to always show up at his door. you know he isn’t, though, used to the tone his voice holds. leon holds his door open as you stagger inside, “been drinkin’ again?”

“mm,” you flop onto his couch, “birthday party. got bored. remembered you jus’ came home.”

leon quietly places your shoes by the door and grabs a blanket while you yawn. “missed me then?”

you let out another hum, pulling the blanket he’d given you further up your shoulders. slowly, your eyes peel open and you smile at him softly. “always miss you when you’re gone, lee. like when you’re home.”

home wasn’t something leon remembers. he moved around a lot now, going from city to city for his government affiliated job. home meant the presence of care ; of warmth. leon’s bare, empty apartment held nothing like that. crystal eyes fell to you when you let out a small hiccup, sagging to the right until your head fell on his shoulder.

“m’home for now, [name].”

TAMAKI ♥︎

haruhi adjusts the hat you’re wearing, making sure the blue blouse you’re wearing is tucked in properly. you shuffle in your spot nervously, fingers picking at your cuticles as she nods to herself. her eyes meet yours, “you’ll do fine, [name].”

“says you,” you frown. you stretch the neck of your blouse and clear your throat. “you guys are used to this stuff.”

haruhi swats your hands away, grabbing them in her own. “you will do fine. c’mon, it’s time to start.”

“welcome!”

tamaki doesn’t have time to speak to you ; doesn’t have time to admire the outfit you’re wearing before they’re greeting guests. his eyes stray to you again and again, his attention on you and not the guests who surround him. you go to every table, dropping off sweet treats and teacups as you go.

“—lly cute.” a girl is saying to him. tamaki blinks back into reality as his shoulder is touched. “right, tamaki?”

“could you repeat that, princess?”

her cheeks flare a bright pink as she straightens up in her seat. “i said you and [name] match. howl and sophie, right? it’s really cute.”

tamaki’s eyes find you again as you drop slices of cake off at the twins’ table. they giggle with you, tugging on your hat playfully before you leave. “we do match, don’t we?”

orchid eyes stay focused on you for the rest of the day. even after the club’s activities are over, and you’re helping clean up — he still stares. you finally look back, placing your hat on a table as you go. “yes, tamaki? you’ve been staring.”

“we’re sophie and howl,” his voice is light, faraway as he speaks. “did you notice?”

“only after i saw you.” you smile gently, watching kyoya tally up any and every cost. “a nice surprise for us both, i suppose.”

tamaki stares at your reflection in the window in front of him, eyeing the way you portray your chosen characters. his cheeks barely heat, but he still feels like it’s obvious to everyone. haruhi meets his flustered gaze and grins.

——♥︎—— i know nothing abt cooking n even less abt filipino food so i hope izanas was okay </3 hope they were all okay tbh

airbendertendou © do not copy, plagiarize, repost, or translate my content on any platform. if you see my content under any other name than my own, let me know. i only have this tumblr and an ao3 account under the same name.

[lingering-42-long]

The Last Goodbye

When they are Kia

Cod characters x f! reader

Inspired by MW3 and the tragic events that occurred this will be a three-part series if I do not get writers block lol.

So sorry for the not posting as much! It’s been a really crazy month and a lot of things had happened and caused me to have a bit of a depressive episode so thank you all for being super patient!

Warnings: mentions of death

John Price

You saw it on the news first before you got the visit. Your breath hitched when you saw the news of the air strike that had hit the base where your husband of 12 years was stationed at everything was decimated. And you couldn’t call or check to make sure that he was all right as he would not have his personal cell phone with him. It wasn’t until two days after the attack did two uniformed military officers showed up at your door holding prices old hat and SAS badge and dog tags. How they got them so quickly, you weren’t sure, but the news came like a sudden wave of cold water. “ we are so sorry for your loss.” One of the officers told you. The body would be arriving shortly within a week or so for proper burial you two had purchased side-by-side grave plots. And the will was already drawn up well before all of this had happened. John was a very precise man and always make sure to think 12 steps ahead. He knew his job was rough and he knew that at any moment he could drop dead. He made sure that his life insurance would be going to you, which was some relief sense the army didn’t pay much.

How to tell your daughter, that her father was not going to be coming back. What is the worst thing you could ever do to her young heart. She was only eight years old. She adored her father practically worship the ground. He walked on. She was always his little girl, and now the war stripped her of him. Stripped you of him..

When she came home from school, you had to sit her down. You held her hands, and with tears, you told the heartbreaking news. The young girl did not understand at first on why her father wasn’t coming back, and once again, you explained that he had died in action, and he would never be able to come home you’re a little girl started to cry, and when he tried to comfort her, she bolted from your arms and ran to her room, slamming the door, and she could hear her wails. You yourself cried yourself to sleep for the first few weeks all the way up until the funeral your friends and family members gathered around you doing everything that they could to comfort you and your daughter people were calling in every single day talking with you for hours on end, while other people stopped by to bring you food.

Every day it felt like a horrifying nightmare. The one that reoccurs every single time slightly more horrifying than the last. As you were going through your stuff and trying to decide what if his you wanted to keep and what of his you wanted to donate you noticed on your phone you had gotten an email from Kate Lasswell. She had sent a video to you actually several saying in the email that he wanted you to have this and gave her explicit instructions in case if he was to ever die.

Pressing the play button, you watched as his face appeared in the camera as he sat down and smiled at you. The way, his eyes twinkled and the crows feet around them creased. “ hello dove” he started at first and you had to pause the video because you were overwhelmed with the emotions. When you stabilized yourself again, you continued. “ I know it’s been a long time since I’ve talked to you and I know that if you’re seeing this, it means that I have passed….. mission was going to be botched no matter what I just didn’t want to tell you the statistics at first…” he paused himself, as he seem to be collecting his words in his own voice was shaking “ I really wish I could come back home to you. I told you that this would be the last mission that I would do before retiring… I promise to take you out on that date that you wanted to go to that fancy restaurant.” he paused again, closing his eyes, and releasing out a large sigh.

“ I’m sorry I never got to take you…. I had so many plans to do with you and Alice… it doesn’t seem fair that I didn’t get a chance to do that” once again, you had a pause the video so that you could take a minute to cry. The plans that you had with each other right now by the wayside. You unpause did it again, and continued on listening. “ I know right now you’re depressed.” he stated, folding folding his hands, and leaning on the desk in a slightly business fashion way. “ in the email that Kate sent you there is several groups that you can join that are for the spouses of the deceased militant partner. Please join one as well as make sure our daughter also goes to one for kids. She’s going to need that support… you both are.” he smiled again, but it was a Sad smile. “ I also made sure to have a college fund started for her. You don’t have to worry about it until she’s ready. There should be plenty of money for her to attend all the way up until graduate year as long as she goes to a decent university. Make sure it’s only used for that if she chooses not to go to university or to go to a less expensive one, you can use the money to buy her a car or whatever she needs to get her life started…. I’m sorry this had all come to this…. As you know I have set aside a life insurance, and the beneficiary goes to you. I also saved up a lot of my savings as well. Feel free to use it as necessary.” he knew that you were going to be smart with the money. “ He paused and looked at you “you are my beloved…. I’m so sorry my dove that you have to face this alone. Please take care of yourself. Find a husband that loves you like I did and a good father figure for our daughter.” This made him tear up. “I will wait for you in heaven and I will watch over you both. You mean so much love. No one or nothing can separate this love. The email that is sent to you also has several videos for Alice. For her birthdays, graduation, moving out to university, marriage and their child. I made sure to make a video for all of that… I also left many for you. Please don’t hesitate to just let me listen to you… I love you.”

The video ended and you sat in the chair, Thinking things though. He set life up for you and your daughter. He was still looking after both of you. You cried for a bit before getting up and knocking on your daughters door. Your little girl opened up with tears on her face. “Hey baby… daddy sent you something.” She sniffed as you picked her up and took her to your old husband’s office. After sitting down with her in his old chair, you turned on the next video. “Hey Angel!” John’s face lit up when the camera started you could see he had been crying. “Angel, im not coming home, it’s not that I don’t want to but it’s because I got called up to heaven. I want you to do something for me my sweet, I want you to watch over momma ok? She is going to need you and you are going to need her. He glanced up as if looking at you then looked back down at his daughter. “You are such a special little girl. I love you so much. Momma has the other videos for you to watch when you grow up. I’m so so sorry to leave you like this. I did not

I did not want to go. I know you were looking forward to see me and so was I… you are my sunshine. My only sunshine.” He stated singing the song he sang when she was down or sad. “You make me happy, when sky’s are grey. You never know dear, how much I love you, so please don’t take my sunshine away…. I love you my angel.” The video ended. Your daughter looked at you. “What now?” She asked. “Well… now we do what daddy said… we do our best to move on, but not to forget him. We will be OK.” You held her as you too watched the sunset fade beneath the horizon, a beautiful white dove landed on he window, cooed and looked at you before flying off into the golden rays of the pink sky.

Simon Riley

You were cleaning in the kitchen when you heard a knock at the door. Putting the sponge back in the soapy hot water. You wiped your hands and made your way to the door. Two military officers took at the door, Solum faces as they greeted you. “Hello can I help you?” You asked

“Mrs (y/n) Riley?” One of them asked.

“Yes that is me.” You looked at them worried.

“I’m sorry, Lieutenant Simon Riley was killed in action.” The officer said gravely as he handed you a box of his things.

You took the box with tears in your eyes. The men told you that his body was found and would be returning soon. You thanked them and closed the door as you held the box tightly in your arms and sunk to the floor sobbing. Your sweet Simon. He was gone, never to come home to you and your son. You knew it was a dangerous job, but it never really hit you till now. Your husband, the man that always let you take off his mask, the man that would cuddle with you at night and rub your back after a long day, the father of your 3 month old son who he would stay up late to let you sleep. He was gone, ripped apart from you. How were you going to tell your son about his father, the man who loved his son from the moment he was born. You cried on the cold floor till you fell asleep, still holding onto the box. You woke up to the sound of your son crying in his room. Getting up, you walked and a dead sonter to his room. Tomas your son named after your husbands brother, was crying in his cradle. Carfully you picked him up and held him close. He looked so much like his daddy, blonde hair, dark blue eyes, fair skin. “Shhhhh my love” you rocked your son with tears in your eyes. “Daddy isn’t coming back.” You stated as a hiccup got you. “He loved you so much…. He loved me.” You knew your son wouldn’t remember this but it was still so sad to hold your little boy and know he would never have a father and son bonding.

You sobbed as you held onto him. Tomas sensing his mothers destress, he quieted down and cooed. After a while you fed him and put him down to bed once more. You opened the box after sitting down with a hot cup of tea, ready to take on what you needed to. With a sniffle, you opened the lid to reveal his skull mask, the dog tags that he wore, his SAS badge, and a few other things. “Oh Simon” new murmured as you carefully picked up the mask and set the box down as he traced over the lines to his skeletal features on his balaclava. It smelled like him. That rich, earthy smell, that he always seems to have with a hint of gunpowder and bourbon. It was a lingering sent, but it was a good one at that. You held the mass close as you leaned back on the couch and close your eyes. You already missed him more than you did before maybe it was because you knew that you would never see him again, to have him be in the house and be present with you and your son. You would go on with your life fine you are a tough woman, one of the many reasons to why Simon married you, but it was your son that you were worried about. You wanted your son to have a father figure. A dad that he would learn to grow up and love. Simon never had that sort of dad, and had always wanted to be that way for his own children.

Now Simon was never going to live out his dream, and Thomas, your son, was never going to have that sort of special bond. I thought made you incredibly sad once more but no tears fell, your eyes were all dried from the previous crying. The weeks came and the funeral happened, your husband looked peaceful in his casket. You wanted some alone time with him first and held his stiff, cold hand. “ Thomas will miss you… I will miss you. You were my rock and shield. It’s going to be hard without you Si… I will always love you and miss you.” The funeral took place and it was a sad time. The team of 141, your family and friends helped with whatever you needed. Now, you were cleaning out things from your late husband. As you were cleaning out his bedside table drawer, you saw a note, folded up neatly. Curious, you unfolded the lined paper and read the words on the paper.

“My dear (y/n), Birdie if you are digging in my drawer then that means I have passed, the mission was botched… I’m sorry… I know Thomas is in good hands with you. Please don’t worry about money. My account will be given to you. As I am writing this, it’s late, you’re sleeping next to me. It’s the night before we leave… I am looking at you for the last time, taking in all your beautiful details. Your face is so soft in sleep, you look so angelic. I am going to miss you… I know you will miss me too… I’m sorry I haven’t said ‘I love you’ that much. I hope you know I cherished and deeply loved you. I still do. I know you are a strong woman, that is what drew me to you. I know you will move on. If you wish, find someone who can love you and our son just as much as I loved you. I will be waiting for you when you come. I will always be watching out for you. Please don’t let our son forget me. I want him to know how much I loved him and you. I love you my Birdie, my beautiful wife. ~Simon.”

You held onto the paper and cried. This was going to be ruff. You were going to be ok. A sense of comfort filled your mind and warmth flooded your body. “I love you my Simon” you smiled and the familiar sent of him wafted and you felt his warmth envelop you.

Gaz

when the news reached you, it hurt like 1000 tiny little daggers. You had just gotten married to Gaz, your Relationship was just beginning. The two of you had been high school sweethearts. Times had gotten tough for both of you and you broke off your relationship before time being until you rekindled it once again, realizing that he was the only person for you. You had only gotten married a few months prior and just had your honeymoon before he was shipped off. Four months he was gone. And he was supposed to come back in two, however, the letter that you received told a different story. He would never be coming home. His body was blown up so badly that they couldn’t find all the pieces to him. We would do everything that they could to get the majority of him back home so that there could be some proper burial. This broke your heart. He would never get to share the life with you that you too so desperately dreamed about, a small home, somewhere on the suburbs of London with a dog, and maybe a child somewhere down the line. That was your plan at least but now things have changed, and now your beloved was gone.

It had been a few weeks since the death, and the burial of what was left at him. You had moved back in with your parents for the time being. As you were cleaning up your room, doing the best to get over your grieving you noticed a note on your bed they have been delivered by your mother earlier. Carefully you walked up to the letter and looked at it. It was addressed to you by Gaz. A sense of panic swelled in your chest. Did he really survive? Or was this some cool trick that somebody was playing? Quickly opened the envelope, and you looked at the letter the date showing that it was a month ago that he had sent this; before his death. With shaky hands, you begin to read the chicken, scratch lettering, tracing over every word, and taking to heart as if it was the gospel.

“Hey Love!

Things are crazy right now! We’re going to be going into a city not too far from here. I’ll make sure to pick up some stuff for you. I know you’ve been wanting to decorate the house for a while and I’m so excited to see what sort of projects you’ve been working on? How’s the art piece coming? I remember you telling me that you wanted to start up painting again. We always had such a pretty drawings. I have no doubt that they’re not going to be beautiful. I hope you hang them on the wall for us to see. I miss you. A part of me wishes that you were here at least the part that isn’t the most violent. Unfortunately, we’re not in the best area we are being attacked left and right. Don’t worry sweetheart. I’ll be home soon! I promise I’ll fix the leaky faucet. I know it’s been driving you crazy. I I sent a letter to my folks, but could you tell them that I miss them as well? I want them to know how much I miss them, but I think I miss you the most. When I get back can we get a dog? Also, can we have like a full day of playing video games just with you and me? I know I sound like I’m rambling, but it’s just what’s on my mind recently. Late night cuddles with you while playing Mario kart. It just sounds so relaxing right now. I’m really tired. Well sweetheart, I better get to bed. I love you and I hope that you have an amazing day tomorrow and the next and the next after that.

Your Husband,

Gaz”

Hugging the letter, you cried your eyes out. Tears streaming down your face as you laid on the bed, holding onto the last remnant of what your husband left you. It sounded as if he was somewhere in a safer, better place. You hoped that he died quickly that he didn’t suffer and his last thoughts were good thoughts. A breeze drifted into the room from your open window and a warm bit of sunshine hit your cheek as the breeze drifted passed it felt like a stroke on your soft face. He was there sitting beside you, even though you couldn’t see it, you could feel his presence. He was safe and he was watching over you.

Johnny McTavish

The news has gotten to you quickly. It was actually delivered by Price himself. You couldn’t believe it. Your Scottish highland your man was no longer going to come home to you. He was shot through the head. Taking a bullet to save a life. Your young son, John, named after his father, was going to be home from school soon the devastating news hurt you more than anything else out there. How are you going to tell your six-year-old son that he was not gonna have his daddy near anymore? Who was going to play football with him in the yard? Who is going to read bedtime stories? Who is going to play in the rain with him? Your son needed his father that boy looked up to his dad, like he was the sun, its self. The news hurt you hard calling his parents and his family was going to be hard as well if they had an already heard the news. He was close with everybody and his family and he had quite a large family.

The upcoming days to the Memorial as you wish to have been cremated, were hard and brutal. Everybody that you knew, and your friends and his family all gave their condolences to you and to each other he was loved and well liked by everyone your son took it hard he didn’t understand why his dad wasn’t coming home and cried and cried and cried it was like that for almost a whole week, he was doing so bad that you had to pull him out of school for the time being because he was unable to function properly. You did everything you could you hold him tight in your arms until he cried himself to sleep at night in which you also cried your own silent tears. You would go walk on the open, Highlands that overlooked the beautiful scenery where your husband, his father’s ashes, cast out upon the open landscape. A small memorial was placed there in memory. You would have picnics out there are frequently, simply listening to the birds call from high above and feel the warm sun cast It’s beautiful rays. They felt cold and dull to you, but you did your best to hold out for your son.

Cleaning out the closet with all of his stuff. What is your next task as you were taking some of his old stuff down you noticed a hard drive they had fallen out of one of his pockets with your name on it. Curious, you took the hard drive and you plugged it into your laptop. It open the file which had a video and it. You clicked play.

The video with your husband sitting on the couch in your living room, smiling at you “Hello my bonne Lass. if yer seeing this then ye know what happened and I don’t think I need ta say anymore abou tha’. I am so sorry that I cannot be with Yer. I love ye so much. I love our son John so much. Please remind hem’ every day how much I love him. Please play football with hem as much as ye can. Please read to hem every night fer me. I know it’s a lot ta ask with what’s going on but I think it might be good fer both of ya ta share tha’ quality time. I’m gonna miss ye both, but I’m always going te be with yer. I’m always going to be watching over mo little family. Don’t worry Lass, life insurance should cover a huge portion of everything. Hopefully it can help provide some security fer you and fer John. I also have tha’ university fund ye wanted me ta set up fer him. Let the money grow and add te it. If ye want by the time he turns 18 he can open that account. The files are actually in my cabinet on the right side of the desk. It has all the important paperwork and documentaries yer gonna need. I really wish I was there with ya Lass. I’m going to miss holding you at night and whispering I love yous.” His beautiful eyes stared right back at you with his stupid little mohawk and broad shoulders facing the camera. “ I know you got this, please don’t ferget about me, but I do want you moving on. Find a man that makes yer heart is happy to be with as it was with meh. I know it’s a lot ta ask for, and I’m not expecting ye ta get married right this instant… I want ta see ye happy I want to see you taken care of. I love ye, my princess.” he reached over to turn off the device that he was using, and the video ended abruptly. A new wave of tears hit your face as you laid your head on the desk and cried for the fifth or sixth time in the past few days. Your son came in the room and gently touched your shoulder. “It’s OK mama! Daddy’s going to be with us. He’s just going to be invisible.” he was quoting some thing that you had told him. When you had to break the news to John, you had told him that the angels up in heaven needed his daddy to help fight the battle up there because he was so good at his job. One day he would be able to meet his daddy up there as well. Now John had taken this to heart and there’s now quoting this in hopes to make you feel better. You carefully picked up your son and held him close to you. “ you know you’re the best against your father had ever giving me? When you were born, he had tears in his eyes and he was hugging you and kissing all over your face and just absolutely doting on you 24 seven. He told me how proud he was of you. He told me how proud he was of me. Those were good times.” Your son gently hold you tight in his own little arms. “ it’s OK mama will make it out together.” You could almost feel a kiss on your forehead as if…. As if your husband was leaning over to comfort you.

[milarqui]

Scarlet Lady: Origins (Part 1)

Directory

That blasted girl! she thought. She had been the queen of this class of pathetic, poor peasants for years, and Dupain-Cheng, who was the worst of the lot, had somehow got a spine to replace the baguette she once had!

Baguette, ha! I kill myself.

Maybe that new girl, Cesar or whatever, had something to do with it, but she needed to make sure Dupain-Cheng got the message that no one got away with messing with Chloé Bourgeois, the Princess of Paris!

“I’ve got to get back at that upstart Marinette and Alya for talking back to me,” she muttered, and she looked towards the girl, who was distracted doing whatever homework she had missed, the clumsy idiot. And she also saw her bag - seriously, what a horrible thing, not even a Dior! - unattended to a side.

Struck by a brilliant idea, she carefully walked towards the bag and put her hand inside. Maybe she could find something she could use to put her down, back into her place. Her fingertips touched something wooden and polished, and when she grabbed it and pulled out, she saw that it was an eight-sided box that looked really old and expensive.

Hahahaha! This is probably an old family heirloom! she thought, crowing to herself with an evil smile. She’ll be totally freaked when she can’t find it! Perfect!

As she left back for her seat, Marinette remained completely oblivious to what just happened.

And would remain so for months.

----

Perhaps, if she had known what that act of thievery would bring her, Chloé Bourgeois might not have carried it out.

Perhaps.

But Chloé Bourgeois was never one to think on the long-term consequences of her actions.

----

Back home from that peasants’ building known as Collège Françoise Dupont, Chloé sat on her bed and picked the box she had purloined - not robbed, robbing is something those who are pathetic do! - and admired its colors. 

“A pity that this was wasted in that family of boulangers,” she said. “Let’s see what kind of treasure I won. Hee hee!”

And she opened the box.

----

Within the box, the kwami known as Tikki had been waiting for this moment for quite some time. Master Fu had shown her how her future holder, Marinette, looked and acted like, and she knew it would be a wonderful partnership. With Nooroo and the Butterfly Miraculous in the hands of someone who would use it for evil, someone needed to act - and who better than the girl that showed strength of character and compassion in every act?

The box opened. This was her moment!

“Hello, Marinette!” she said, smiling. “Please, don’t be afraid, everything’s--!”

The light that usually covered this kind of thing vanished... and she saw that the person in front of her was clearly not Marinette. Blonde, long hair in a ponytail, rather than black and held in pigtails. Blue, cruel eyes instead of innocent blue. Features of Caucasian ascendancy instead of Chinese.

Conclusion: Master Fu had made a mistake.

“WHO ARE YOU?!” Tikki screamed, trying to make a sense of what had happened.

“THAT’S MY LINE!!!” the girl screamed even louder.

----

Elsewhere in Paris, a boy by the name of Adrien Agreste had discovered a similar box, containing a ring and the kwami known as Plagg. After the terrible day he had had, with his attempt to finally go to school thwarted by Nathalie and his bodyguard, he had listened to the cat-like creature and jumped into the chance to become something he had always wanted to be.

A Superhero.

“THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME!!!”

----

He would regret those words soon enough.

----

Chloé couldn’t make heads or tails of what this little bug was telling her.

Going out there to fight some monster that had suddenly shown up?

"You’re the only one who can stop the Akuma!” the bug said.

As in, doing something sweaty?

“You use Lucky Charm to save the day?”

Helping other people? Her mere presence was enough to do that! She didn’t need to do like Majestia and waste her precious time in making people think they had any value beyond doing what she wanted.

“You have a partner?!”

And not even a way to claim the credit! No, she had to share it with some no-name peasant, and she couldn’t tell anyone she was the one that had saved their lives! No, she had to hide herself for whatever dumb, irrelevant reason the bug had mentioned, something about someone wanting to rob the earrings she had purloined from Dupain-Cheng.

But the bug was persistent. It kept pestering her until she agreed to it.

Well, maybe she could actually do something and bask in the love of the masses.

----

At the Dupain-Cheng’s house, Marinette thought she had earned a prize for finally telling Chloé off for being a jerk, so she had made herself some popcorn and gone to watch TV, where the usual programming had been replaced by a live newscast.

Un Super-Vilain Á Paris?

A giant creature, who for some reason the newscast had identified as Stoneheart, had shown up in the middle of the city, and was causing quite a lot of chaos.

“Stoneheart is moving toward the Montparnasse Tower!” Nadja Chamack reported, clearly shaken by the current events, as the titan punched a car and sent it flying several meters away.

“Sucks,” Marinette said, munching on her popcorn. Not like there was much she could do. If she were part of something like United Heroez, she would probably jump into action, but she was a civilian, so--

“The monster... seems to be unstoppable!”

And, as Stoneheart kept ambling towards its target, at the down left corner of the screen, Marinette saw something.

Or, rather, someone.

“ALYA!!! What are you doing?!”

----

How does Lois Lane always look so perfect when she does this?! Alya Césaire thought, panting as she pedaled behind Stoneheart. This could be the start of her journalist career!

----

“I’m starting to get the hang of this,” Adrien - no, Chat Noir, that was his superhero name - said, following the trail Stoneheart was leaving behind.

“aaaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHH!”

Pain.

Before he could react, someone had crashed on him, and now the two of them were tangled in some sort of thin rope and hanging upside down. And, as he recovered his sight, he was met with someone wearing a domino mask, similar to his, but red with black polka dots.

This had to be the partner Plagg had mentioned! Well, maybe he could break the ice and begin with a good joke.

“Well, nice of you to drop in!”

“Omigod, no.”

Seriously? Not even a smile?

Tough crowd.

The girl in red pulled on something, and the rope around them suddenly became untangled, causing them both to fall to the ground.

“Say, what’s your name, partner?”

“Why should I tell you?” she replied, with a tone that reminded him too much of his father talking down to someone else - usually him.

“I’m Chat Noir! Nice to meet you!” A loud noise reminded him that Stoneheart was still loose, and he swung back in action. “Come on! Stoneheart seems to be going for the Parc des Princes!”

“Stone-who?” he thinks he hears her say, but it might have just been his imagination. He didn’t pay it any mind.

It was time to be a hero!

----

Sabine Dupain-Cheng looked in shock as her darling daughter nearly crashed down the stairs and towards the door, a look of dread in her face.

“Marinette, where are you going? Lunch is almost over.”

“Out because my new best friend is INSANE!!!”

The bell clinked as Marinette opened the door, picked her bike and started to pedal westward.

“What’s going on here?” she wondered. Well, she would certainly learn about it later.

----

Chat Noir charged towards Stoneheart, his new staff - he could make it grow like Goku did, which was amazing - in hand, and attacked the creature, distracting it from the guy it was trying to attack.

BANG! the staff sounded as it hit Stoneheart’s head.

And then Stoneheart grew in size.

“Oh shit, he’s bigger!” he said, dodging an attack. “Where are you, partner?”

Looking around, he saw his partner standing at the top of the stadium.

“Ah, there!” Good, she could jump in and help him stop Stone- wait, was that a compact mirror?

She was preening in front of a mirror while he was here, risking his life?

“HEY!!!” he shouted, dodging another attack.

----

It looked like that mangy cat had everything well in hand, so she didn’t need to do anything at all! Whew! She could just stand here and let him do all the work, that was what peasants were for, after all.

“What are you waiting for, Super Red Bug?” a voice said from below, and Chloé Bourgeois turned to see the new girl down below, a cellphone in her hands.

“Ugh, you again.”

“The world is watching you!” Césaire said, gleaming and smiling.

“The world is watching...?”

Oh my god, this was perfect! She could jump in, easily put a stop to the monster and bang! Instantly famous! The adoration of all Paris was at hand!

She closed her new compact mirror and grinned.

----

Chat Noir was starting to feel that maaaaaaybe he was a bit over his head. Nothing he could do to Stoneheart could stop him, and it was a hard task to just keep dodging everything. And, of course, his partner refused to do anything.

Stoneheart had grabbed one of the goals with its gigantic left hand, and was clumsily attempting to swing it at him, but fortunately his years of fencing had given him the reflexes to avoid such a large object, and the suit was actually making him faster and stronger!

But then Stoneheart tossed the goal - and it was clear the target was not him, but a red-haired, dark-skinned girl that seemed to have followed them into the stadium.

Oh, no!! he thought, and he turned about to attempt to stop the large object from hitting the girl.

“ALYA!”

Before he could act, someone else, a girl with black bluish hair in a pair of cute pigtails, tackled the red-haired girl out of the way.

“You came!” the red-haired girl - Alya - said.

“Yeah, but why did you?!” the new girl replied.

Whew, crisis solved. Now, he had to find out how to stop Stoneheart, quickly, before it could cause further disruption.

“Cat boy!” the pigtailed girl said, and he felt her hand on his shoulder.

“It’s Chat Noir, actually!” he replied, turning to look at her - and wow, she was quite cute and blushing.

“He doesn’t open his fist!”

“Good note, thanks! Maybe you should be a hero!”

Anyone could be better than his "partner". Not that that was a high bar to surpass.

“Priorities!” the girl said.

----

Chloé could only see red. That blasted cat had said that Dupain-Cheng should be a hero? Ha! As if!

She jumped and kicked Stone-whatever in the head, sending it tumbling away as she turned to the cat and her classmate.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY?!” she shouted.

“Wow, wow, calm down! Maybe we need to use our powers to stop him? Cataclysm! My power destroys anything,” the cat said, his right hand covered in some sort of icky black thing.

“How barbaric. And useless. Like you.”

“Did I look cool?”

The cat thought he was cool? She wanted to laugh.

“Absolutely not.”

The cat grabbed the large net thing that had fallen nearby with his right hand, and suddenly the white on the stick became black, and in seconds the entire thing had disintegrated into dust.

She was sickened to have to admit it, but that trick left her hair standing.

“Jesus...”

“So, what about yours?” the cat challenged her.

You’re going to swallow those words, you mangy cat!

“Lucky Charm!” she declaimed. After a flash of pink, she felt something heavy in her hands, that seemed to be made of rubber and looked a lot like this unfashionable costume she was wearing. “Oh, ha ha, Tikki.”

“So, how useful is your power?” he taunted her, and she angrily threw the thing at him.

“Why not ask your other partner?!”

“You just don’t want to work,” he muttered. Well, of course she didn’t! Work was something someone as important as her shouldn’t be bothered with!

You’ll come crawling back to me once you see how useless Clumsinette is, she thought, grinning at the idea of her rival doing anything useful at all.

“Cat boy, run interference!”

“it’s Chat Noir!”

“Alya, the tap!”

“You got it!”

What.

----

Chat Noir followed the black-haired girl’s instructions. The moment he had given her the polka-dotted red wetsuit, she had immediately come up with a plan. It was a bit risky, particularly since he would have to let himself get captured, but something told him he could trust her.

His trust was rewarded. The girl had managed to trick Stoneheart into grabbing her and the wetsuit, dropping a purple rock from its closed right fist, and then Alya had opened the hose tap, filling the wetsuit to grow and forcing Stoneheart’s fist open. The girl had quickly jumped out, ran for the rock and stomped on it, letting out a black butterfly and a crumpled piece of paper.

And Stoneheart transformed back into a large boy that looked to be his age.

The girl picked up the note and ran for the large boy, shouting what he presumed was his name, as his ring began to beep.

“What’s the noise mean?”

“Dunno, I didn’t read the manual,” he said. Maybe he should have waited for Plagg to explain everything before transforming?

----

“Kim wrote it. He’s always making fun of me,” Ivan confessed to his classmate.

“Pa, don't worry about him. He cried when we saw The Little Mermaid when we were 10.”

He chuckled.

----

Chloé grabbed the rubber thing - now empty of water - and attempted to rip it, but it only stretched without giving in.

No one’s paying attention to me!

How could this be? She was Chloé Bourgeois! The Princess of Paris! Everyone’s eyes should be on her! All the boys should be in love with her! Everyone should worship her! But here they were, paying attention to a mangy cat and Bruel who got his dumb arse turned into a monster, instead of her!

Oh, wait. Tikki had said something about this, right? That she could fix stuff broken by the monsters with this Lucky Charm thing?

“Hey, reporter girl! Catch this! MIRACULOUS LADYBUG!”

The Lucky Charm transformed into a cloud of ladybugs that flew around everything Bruel had destroyed as Stone-whatever. In moments everything was back to its normal state - still below the quality she demanded of everything, of course.

“Whoa!!” Césaire said, and she rushed towards her, cellphone in hand. “Incredible! You can fix everything?! Hey, what do we call you, Wonderbug?!”

Now, that was closer to what she expected. Still not enough simpering, but closer.

“Well, obviously not that. Let’s see...”

----

Chat Noir was tired. Fighting Stoneheart had taken out a lot off him. And he realized that maybe the beeping was some kind of count down.

And then he heard his ‘partner’ proclaim to have saved the day ‘in spite of her clumsy partner’s inability to do anything right’.

“You... you didn’t do anything,” he muttered, astonished of her credit stealing. But then the beeping became more insistent and he left: he had to return home before someone noticed he wasn’t in his room.

Somehow, the beginning of being a hero had become nothing like he had thought it would be.

----

Fu sipped on his favorite tea, relaxing after a long day. Wayzz had reported that the negative energy of the Butterfly had vanished, which meant that young Marinette and young Adrien had managed to stop Stoneheart and captured the corrupted butterfly transforming him. Good. Ah, if only he were a few decades younger! He would have been able to go out there and guide the two young heroes in the matters of the Miraculous.

Wayzz clicked on the remote to turn on the TV and see if the news were mentioning anything about the attack.

“... our new hero, Scarlet Lady...”

He turned to look at the screen, only to notice something strange, because the girl wearing the Ladybug Miraculous didn’t resemble his Chosen wielder at all-

“... thanks to amateur footage by local student, Alya Césaire...”

-and then the screen showed Marinette and a red-haired girl he supposed was this Alya Césaire, smiling at the camera.

“Wait...” Wayzz said. The problem was clear: if Marinette was there in her civilian clothes, who was wearing the Ladybug Miraculous?

He barely noticed as his teacup crashed into the floor.

----

“So... her name is Scarlet Lady...”

Plagg was a bit disturbed by his bearer’s angry face. What in the holy name of Camembert had happened to leave him like he had gone a few rounds with trying to swallow some mushrooms?

“I’ll call her Scar for the scars she leaves on my life.”

Uh-oh.

----

Tikki enjoyed the cookies Chloé had offered her.

But she still wondered why she was here, instead of with Marinette.

And she remembered there was something she hadn’t explained.

“Did you catch the akuma?”

Chloé gave her what she supposed was what humans called the ‘deer-in-the-headlights’ look.

“Huh?”

Uh-oh.

----

Origins (Part 2)

@zoe-oneesama Hope you liked this.

[brian-in-finance]

After the onslaught of criticism about her IFTA look, I thought of putting together some of Cait's quotes, a look into her character and what she's about.

“I respect and admire people who put work before fame, and life before work.”

"I think as women sometimes we can judge other women's journeys, actions a lot more harshly than we would if it was a man."

"I think there's something in the DNA of actors that we thrive on the lack of stability or regime. I relish the unpredictability of it in many ways."

The sexiest things about a man are, "Integrity, smarts and kindness".

"I just want to be happy in my life. I want to stay sane. I'm lucky that I have a job that I love. It's very important that your career can't be your only thing. So, I feel lucky that I've also found someone who makes me very happy. As long as I can keep those two things going well, then I'll be good."

"While 'Outlander' is a brilliant period show, Claire represents so many qualities of a 10th century modern-day woman: someone who is forging her own path, fighting for what she believes, and doing so with integrity."

"It's such a compliment when people say they can see 'thoughts' on your face. I started theater before modeling and the frustrated actress within me made work interesting by viewing a character or story in the head with interior monologues."

"Life is meant to be lived and not put on the back-burner for one day when you will have time. I love my job and I love work but it can’t be the be-all and end-all." 

“You have to fight to create the life that you want. I’ve been lucky and had a very varied and interesting career so far, but I’m always thinking about the next chapter.”

"I'm very young at heart but combined with a bit of an old soul. I have two sides of myself, one side is this cray-likes-to-party side, and then the other side likes-to-hibernate-and-keep-quiet-and-read. Those two sides constantly battle and that's why I'm crazy!"

"It was something I've been wanting for a while. There's sometimes fear about actors who become producers—that they're going to try to throw their weight around. For me, it's an expansion of growing within this industry. I like to problem solve. I like to look around at what every single person is doing, and [ask], how can we make things better?"

"Wrinkles equal time, equal life . . . trying to love them."

"SM brings out the very worst in people and makes us feel worse and worse about ourselves. So I'm trying to do, at least one day a week, hopefully 2 days a week, where I just step back and, I've been trying to do it recently and because I really felt like I needed to ... there's so much anger going on and there's so much "uhh" that it was making me feel just awful about everything."

"The modeling industry is completely what you make it. I've had a really great career but what some girls fail to understand is that it is a business like everything else. It's a job, not an opportunity for you and your friends to go away together a lot. You have to remember that the reason you're flying off to an exotic location is that you are there to deliver a job."

“The hardest part when I decided to move into acting was trusting I'd made the right decision.”

Thanks for the message, Anon. 😃 I’m happy to share the impressive list you’ve compiled of Caitríona’s quotes, and I hope people enjoy the walk down memory lane. As for the onslaught of criticism about her IFTA look…

One of the things you and I and everyone else are entitled to is an opinion. Some people liked her IFTA look, some did not. I sometimes post “fashion,” but have no expertise in that field, and I don’t necessarily like or dislike the garments or jewellery or footwear or accessories, or how they’re worn.

As for Standing Ground’s collections, unsupported breasts and nipples abound. I’d like to say it’s by design (wee pun), but I don’t know if it’s the designer’s intent in keeping with his natural scheme or if it’s the model’s choice to go braless. (If I were writing in DM, this is where I would say, “Blah blah blah.”)

What I do know, if I owned “the IFTA” dress and could wear it the way I chose, I would be wearing a bra. Everybody, every body, is different.

Most of the time, when I disagree with an opinion, I silently 🙄 or 🤦🏻‍♂️ or 🤯 or 🤬 or 😂, and scroll along my merry way. The odd time when I both 🤬 and chime in is when someone says it’s their opinion Caitríona is not married to Tony.

Literacy Ideas

Remember… opinion has caused more trouble on this little earth than plagues or earthquakes. — Voltaire

[tired-teacher-blog]

Title : Only you

Characters : Shouto / Fem reader

Genre : NSFW/ 18+/ Fluff/ Angst

Summary : Your decision to get married didn't sit well with Shouto's family who awakened your insecurities by humiliating you and reminding you of your place. How will Shouto deal with this? And how will he show you what you truly mean to him?

Notes : So, does anyone remember this? Yeah, I finally wrote it down but with slight differences from the original plan.

Please do not read if you're a minor

Masterlist|Second Masterlist

AO3

_ "I'm so sorry, please look at me." Shouto whispered as he gently stroked your cheeks and tried to lift your head up, but you refused, you were too ashamed to look into his eyes.

_ "What if they're right? What if I'm really not good enough?" you mumbled, dark thoughts already fogging up your mind.

_ "No! Stop it! Don't let them get to you please." he squeezed your arms, shaking you gently as despair took over him as well.

Today was supposed to be one of the best days in both your lives. It was the day you decided to announce your decision to get married.

You were nervous as you sat down side by side with Shouto, having his whole family's questioning looks on you.

But that wasn't the worst part, it was when Shouto finally declared the reason of your visit. It was then that their judging eyes stared daggers into your soul.

They obviously thought you were unworthy of him, and if you were to be honest, so did you.

You've always wondered.. why did he pick you out of everyone else around him? What was so special about you anyway? You're as bland as they come, something Enji did not shy to put forth, he made it painfully clear in case anyone else was unaware.

_ "Let's face it Shouto, your father is right.. who am I to be a part of your life? Sooner or later someone had to say it." you wished you could keep your cool as you uttered those words, but your shaky voice and teary eyes betrayed you.

What hurt you the most was that Shouto stood up for you in front of his entire family, yet there you were, throwing all of it into the garbage. But he knew how you truly felt.. how much your own words hurt you, how much you loved him, how you never felt good enough, and how your meeting with his family awakened all of the insecurities you struggled to bury within you.

So he had to do something, he had to pull you out of the pit and bring you back to him.

_ "Listen to me y/n, I don't care about any of the things my father brought up earlier, I love you and I always will. I'm never giving you up, and even if one day you decide to walk away I'll keep following you, that's how much I love you." you didn't know how to respond to him, you wanted to say that you loved him too, that you wanted him to be happy, that you wanted to see him grow, but all that came out of your mouth was a strangled sob.

He didn't push further since he knew how overwhelmed you had been since morning, so instead he dragged you slowly to his chest, securing you in his protective hold and allowing you to clung to him as if he would disappear if you didn't.

He gently traced your back and kissed your temple, whispering sweet and reassuring words into your ear until you finally relaxed a little between his arms.

And without a warning, you felt yourself floating as he picked you up and took you straight to your bedroom.

You didn't question him, you didn't oppose or struggle, you just allowed him to carry you because deep down you felt that maybe that would be the last time you two can be together this way.

He placed you gently on the bed and hovered over you.

_ "You're beautiful, and you're mine," he whispered as he studied your expressions, "never listen to what anyone else has to say, just keep your attention on me." he traced your quivering lips before leaning in for a breathtaking kiss. You got lost in it, his kisses have always had that effect on you, and for a moment you managed to forget the dreadful day you had to go through.

Your tears kept flowing, and you weren't even sure of the reason anymore. Was it because you believed what Shouto's family thought of you? "pathetic and out of your league", or was it because you felt bad for him, for loving someone like you, someone who didn't deserve it.

You laced your fingers through his hair and arched into his chest as you desperately wished to be even closer to him. He took the hint and sneaked his arms under your cute little dress and along your thighs while his lips were still attached to yours.

His usual soft touches seemed even more so, as if he was afraid of hurting you.

His fingers moved up slowly, bringing your dress with them and leaving goosebumps in their path, until they reached your breasts and proceeded to fondle your mounds over the thin fabric of your bra.

You moaned into his mouth and felt him smiling against your lips before breaking the kiss and gazing into your teary eyes.

_ "I meant every word I said, if it's not you then it can't be anyone else." His mismatched orbs held a determination that you have never seen before, not even during his most dangerous missions.

There he was, the love of your life, doing everything he can to keep you by his side. And that was the moment you finally realized that you shouldn't give up on him so easily, that you would do anything in your power to get closer and be accepted by his family. Truth be told, you had no spite for any of them, their reaction to you was out of love and concern for Shouto's future.

Your tears finally stopped, and you tried as best as you could to offer him a genuine smile through your remaining sniffles.

_ "Shouto, I'm sorry I was weak, but I promise I'll do better and make you proud of me." you thought you said the right thing, that when he hears your words he'd be relieved, but the frown appearing on his features proved you wrong.

_ "Shouto, is everything alrigh.."

_ "What makes you think that I'm not proud of you already? that my love for you is conditional?"

He looked hurt, and you were lost for words..

_ "You're smart, strong, beautiful, and you have a heart of gold," his expressions softened and his palms caressed your sides delicately, "if anything, I'm the one who should work harder to be worthy of you," he mumbled softly against your lips, "you don't seem to understand what you truly mean to me." and with that, his warm breath and soft touches left you as he sat up, bringing you with him before removing his shirt and your dress.

He pushed you down gently, eyes studying your heaving chest and flushed skin, "perfect," he smirked before leaning in, nose grazing your neck teasingly and caressing its way down your cleavage while leaving soft open mouthed kisses along your flesh.

Your fingers pulled on his hair and he growled, sneaking his arms around your back and relieving you from your bra in one swift move before latching onto your breasts and swirling his tongue around your perky nipples, one at a time.

_ "Shouto, please hurry and take off the rest of your clothes." and as if on cue, you heard the clanking of his belt buckle as he shed his remaining articles, while his lips were still attached to your teats.

He was as impatient as you were, and didn't even care to hide his longing for you, leaving you no time to react or say a word before ripping off your panties and throwing the shredded garment onto the floor.

_ "Shouto! What.." you started but was abruptly cut off with his lips back on yours.

He moved eagerly against you, slick tongue dancing with your own and your whole body went limp underneath him.

The painful events that had clouded your soul earlier, became nothing but distant memories, and it felt as if you were the only two in the world.

You were lost in him, so lost in fact that you failed to notice when he effortlessly picked you up and sat you on his lap, and only when his hard cock rested against your tummy did you finally come back to your senses.

_ "You're the only one who's able to make me feel this way." he smirked with a nod to his raging dick— in case you missed his point, and your blush deepened at his forwardness.

Though his eyes were a different story, they held love and sincerity, craving and despair, and you knew at that moment that he was as scared of losing you as you were of losing him.

You smiled cradling his cheeks and flashing him a sweet smile that melted his heart, "I'm here Shouto." you shakily propped yourself up on your knees, one hand holding his shoulder for support while the other guided his cock to your quivering pussy, before slowly lowering yourself on him with a loud cry of his name.

His eyes were wide open the whole time, witnessing that mesmerizing view unfold before him. He wasted no time cupping your ass cheeks and helping you slide up to the tip before slamming you back down. He loved the faces you were making for him, the loud moans leaving your lips everytime he was buried deep inside of you, your desperate clutches on his neck and shoulders, "that's it babe, let me hear your voice," his right hand moved to play with your breasts, while the left one still supported and guided your body to move slowly on top of him.

He carefully activated his quirk on your boobs and you shuddered, tilting your head back and pulling on his hair with a whimper.

He loved it, loved the way your nipples perked up due to his freezing palm, loved the way your fingers found their way to his locks as his name left your mouth in a slur, and especially loved knowing that he was the only one allowed to see that side of you.

_ "Y/n, you're mine, everything about you belongs to me," his lips replaced his hand on your breasts as he licked and nibbled on your flesh, "please promise me you won't leave, tell me you'll be with me forever, I can't give you up so please don't give up on me." he begged as he hid his face in your chest, and your heart sunk.

_ "Never, I will never let you go Shouto, I promise I'll make your family accept me, even if it takes years." you lifted his head up and smiled softly before connecting your lips.

His thrusts became faster and rougher, and soon enough, that familiar warmth started pooling within you as he swallowed every moan you let out.

He was close too, throbbing inside of you and groaning desperately until you tensed up, breaking the kiss and crying out his name before slumping onto his chest.

He bounced your spent body on top of him as you fluttered around his cock, "Shouto.. cum inside me.. please.."

And that was all it took for him to push himself against your cervix, releasing everything into your welcoming cunt before fucking his semen deeper within you.

_ "It can only be you y/n." he whispered against your temple as he wrapped you in his protective arms.

_ "Only you Shouto." you smiled before closing your eyes and allowing your body to relax in his hold.

[dazzlerazz]

One thing I like about the fell xenologue is that all characters in the main campaign have the potential to become their fell xenologue counterparts. What FX did was basically amplify their worst traits to the maximum, and that effected how they interacted with their world, and this is especially present within the royals, and with them being the leaders of their countries that trickled down into their subjects and by proxy the other characters

I feel the best example of this is Celine, who is war-thirsty and ready to attack another country to protect her own subjects from the resource epidemic their country is facing. Celine in the main campaign has shown a similar form of ruthlessness, but on smaller scales, in some of her supports. What she is in FX is that part of her times 10. She's willing to more and more to protect her people, even to go so far as to put those lives of the people she loves at risk to believe that she's saving them all, even when it eventually resultts in their deaths

Diamant is also another perfect example. While Diamant just seems to be Main Game Alcryst, he's actually far different than that. FX Diamant is a king of a country that doesn't want to go to battle, of course, and while this was always the base, I believe it symbolizes FX Diamant's fearfulness. FX Diamant is afraid, he's unsure of himself, he knows his younger brother is more fit for the throne and that Alcryst is going to have him assassinated, or even worse, bring that blade down himself. Diamant has accepted his fate, he won't fight it. He wants to lead his country the best he can, but he's also lost his father. While Alear was alive in this universe as well, Alear fell far too soon to help Diamant be able to completely process his grief, stripping him of yet another ally. The Divine Dragon was everyone's closest friend, after all

Ivy I feel is a similar case but in a slightly different way. FX Ivy is almost like main campaign Hortensia in a way, but devoted to the Fell Dragon all the same. FX Ivy begs his return, something MC Ivy would never do, which leads me to believe that after Alear's death, her faith in the divine dragons was lost, allowing her to fall back onto her previous religion out of just pure emotion. Maybe she thought Sombron would resurrect Alear despite him being the one that killed them, or maybe she just wanted to use his power for her own and burn the entire world down as revenge against the universe for allowing Alear to fall. MC Ivy in battle with FX Ivy says that she hopes that she doesn't sound like FX Ivy, meaning that MC Ivy in some way sees her behaviors in FX Ivy (I've always assumed this was because Ivy was being very careful in the MC to not let that side of herself show while FX Ivy let that side of herself run wild)

Timerra, similar to Celine, wants to do what's best for her country, except FX Timerra has a bit more of a level head on her shoulders compared to FX Celine. (Also I will admit that we didn't get that much time with her compared to others). Solm is a country that keeps to itself and helps no one unless it benefits them mostly, and the only reason they wanted to go to war with Elusia was to keep them from resurrecting Sombron and effectively save their home, so it's worth gathering an army to meet them on the field of battle. They view Elusia power-hungry, and will absolutely tear Elyos to its roots if allowed to run free

Anyways that's it, I could go on about side characters but I feel like the royals are really at the heart of it all and are the best examples I can give. There are characters that are written to just be exact opposites instead of their worst traits, such as Bunet who was described as a terrible cook which pretty much goes completely against his MC character, but you get what I mean

[littlemisstfc]

We All Owe Jake Foushee An Apology: Why I Don't Like VA Fanbases

Hello, Hola, こんにちは。

Welcome back to this side of the Hundred Acre Woods and I wanna ruin lunch today. You can thank Harriyanna Hook for that last bit akskskskksks. 

If you know me by now, you know that I have the utmost respect for voice actors, especially those who embrace their roles in various Transformers media. They were the voices of our childhoods for a reason, and they deserve much better from the film and tv industry. I don’t have the generous feeling towards their hardcore stans. 

Unfortunately, like everyone who has achieved a level of fame and success, their fanbases has a mix of good, sane fans and fans that make Misery look like a Disney movie. For some reason, when it comes to voice actors and Transformers, a good chunk of the fanbase has an overzealous mentality of, “there could only be ONE voice actor for one character.” If you know where this is going, you are correct. I am calling out the Peter Cullen stans today. 

3, 2, 1, Pingu.

Bad Voice Direction Was The Problem, Not The Voice Actor

Before y’all ask, no, nothing happened to either Peter or the subject of today’s blog post today. This is just something I have been thinking about for a while now.

Do not get me wrong: Peter Cullen is a very kind and caring man who deserves all the accolades and praise for his work in Transformers for the past 39 years. Having met him in person earlier this year felt like meeting Santa Claus. He was genuinely that amazing. However…his fanbase is something else. The best comparison I could think of at the top of my head is the Beyhive, aka Beyonce’s fanbase. Like, at the same time, I’ve seen the best and very worst of this fanbase. The good is that I have made friends and acquaintances that share the same appreciation and adoration I have for PeePaw. The bad is that I have seen people who legitimately worship the ground this man stands on and will do anything to maintain him as the one and only Optimus Prime. Like, within a couple of new years, every time there’s a new Transformers show, take a good guess which part of the fandom shows up the most in the comments section, specifically when there’s an Optimus Prime.

“That’s not Peter Cullen, wtf.”

“I want Peter Cullen as this Optimus.”

“This new Optimus’ voice sucks, I want Peter Cullen back.”

These are the best summaries I can come up with when it comes to how y’all react whenever there is a new voice actor for Optimus Prime. Y’all did it with David Kaye when Animated came around, y’all did it with Alan Tudyk when Earthspark came around, but these pale in comparisons to truly the most crazy, awful moment when shit hits the fan: Jake Foushee, when Cybeverse and the WFC Trilogy came around.

For those who do not know who Jake Foushee is, he was the voice actor of Optimus Prime in Transformers Cyberverse and the War for Cybertron Trilogy. Before he was casted, he gained a fanbase due to his Optimus Prime impression and work as a Vine creator. In fact, it was an interview on the Ellen show that got him casted as Prime in the first place. The only off thing about his casting is that John Hasbro didn’t want to hire union voice actors for these two Transformers shows. Like…they damn well have the money to pay their voice actors, that’s something I’ll still hold John Hasbro accountable for to this day. Anyways, back to the main topic. I remember back when Cyberverse and the WFC Trilogy were airing, I see a surprising amount of people who harbor extreme reactions towards Jake Tillman’s voice acting as Optimus in these shows. 

“The voice actor sucks as Optimus.”

“Ewww, wtf. This is just a bad impersonation.”

“Why won’t Hasbro bring back the REAL voice of Optimus Prime?”

Again, these are simply paraphrases of genuinely nasty ass comments about Jake that basically screams They Changed It, Now It Sucks. Notice that last paraphrase here. What does this remind you of? I’ll give you three seconds.

If you guess correctly, you are correct. A good chunk of the hate towards this voice actor is from the hardcore Peter Cullen purists, aka the #BringBackPeterCullen crowd. Like…did y’all forget the basic value of, “if you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all”? It’s not that fucking hard to say gross shit like this, like you’d be surprised at how many people often forget that these voice actors are real people. They’re real people who will read your hate comments, who will be hurt by your hate comments, and who will be discouraged from doing what they love because of your hate comments. When it comes to moments like this, it seems like y’all forgot the elephant in the room: the voice direction and script.

Cyberverse and the WFC Trilogy are a great way to show how much potential Jake Foushe has and how it will go wrong if it’s in the hands of a bad voice director and script. Cyberverse showed how utterly phenomenal Jake is as Optimus. In the first season, yeah, it was a bit rough around the edges. However, as the show goes on, he was given the direction to be himself rather than be a hardcore impression. His voice as Optimus has improved and it felt natural by the time we get to, “The Perfect Decepticon.” Compare his vocal performance in the third episode of Season One and the finale. It’s like day and night in the best ways.

However…then there’s the WFC Trilogy. For some reason, the voice direction and script set out to undermine Jake Foushee and the other voice actors of these shows as much as they can. As a result, it became the impression that y’all were quick to condemn Jake for. It felt like whoever was in charge of the voice acting for these three shows did not care about the implications of what they were doing with the voice direction. As a result, the nasty ass comments came and it eventually boiled to a point where after these shows ended, he doesn’t bring up his roles in them. I don’t blame him if it has something to do with the huge fan backlash to his casting as Optimus Prime.

Think Before You Speak: Fandom Brain Rot is A Curse

At this point, y’all just need to give up the whole #BringBackPeterCullen thing. It’s fine to feel upset over John Hasbro not giving him the respect he deserves around the hiring non union era. It’s fine to feel upset over John Hasbro not even bothering to ask him if he would like to come back as Optimus. However, it does not give you the excuse to be a shitty person towards whoever’s voicing Optimus in a new Transformers show. Sometimes, a new voice actor is necessary depending on the characterization and age a show is going with Optimus. Don’t worry about Peter. He still got the movies under his belt and there will be another show with him soon. I guarantee it. There’s no way that John Hasbro is gonna miss out on bringing him back.

In the meantime, we need to be better when it comes to whoever will be the next Optimus Prime. A part of the reason why I dreaded the announcement of the voice cast for Transformers: One is because of fans like these ones. Like, some of y'all forgot how to be decent human beings when your fav is not voiced by your fav voice actor. It has gotten to the point of being genuinely irritating. 

You may be asking what is the point of this entire blog post. The point is that time and time again, we have forgotten that voice actors are human beings too. This type of fan dumb needs to stop. Y’all did it before and y’all are doing it now with annoying shit like change.org petitions and angry fan letters. At this point, Imma about to say this:

We all owe Jake Foushee an apology big time.

Even if you don’t like his voice acting, you have to at least see something with the points I’ve made here. It will continue to rinse and repeat unless we put our feet down and stop it. We need to be more welcoming and encouraging to new talent who have big shoes to fill in. Having respect and adoration towards the veterans of Transformers while also respecting and being open to new talent who have the potential to co-exist. These are not two mutually exclusive things.

We all owe Jake Foushee an apology. 

Till All Are One: A Lesson To Be Learned

As Cyberverse Week is coming in a few days, I need to make my point very clear as one of the biggest Cyberverse fans out here. Sometimes, the new may be just as good as the old. I always have the hope of seeing Jake one day at a convention such as TFCon, especially since he voiced my second favorite Optimus ever. 

I'm glad that more people are starting to realize that the backlash against whoever voices Optimus Prime in a new show is just plain dumb. Imagine my relief when I Tweeted a bit about this topic the other way on Twitter and saw a lot of people agreeing with how awful the backlash against Jake Foushee is.

We need to do better as a fandom. It starts with unpacking our biases and be open to change. Transformers is a franchise that revolves around robotical organisms that change, yet ironically the fandom doesn't like change.

Still, I won't let that affect my perception of voice actors in the franchise. I encourage you all to not send any hate messages to any voice actor and be open to change. I may not change everyone's minds, but I hope it gave you all something to think about.

Anyways, Pingu.

[hopefull-mindset]

Hello. I had another question. Would you say the way the relationships/interactions are written between the characters in BSD would be considered queerbaiting?

Technically by definition I would personally say yes, however there's usually a negative connotation that comes with queerbaiting that's related to harming the queer community so I was wondering if you had a more nuanced approach to the topic.

Queerbait… ah my worst enemy of a term has struck again. Mind if I add the Queer Coding discussion into this as well? Because when I see one person denounce the idea of Queer Coding in BSD, another person goes “oh yeah, it’s actually Queerbait”. No offense, but nobody knows what they’re talking about with either term and I understand why. I have my hangups about how they've been used and the blur between them causing this confusion.

I didn’t even realize this was something people argued about because I didn’t think there was enough to argue queer intent anywhere. I’m generally used to vague queer representation getting these types of arguments, so I blanked out with confusion.

For those who don’t know, Queerbait is a term coined to refer to marketing strategies that use the “implied” queerness to market their content to an audience who are interested in that to view their content. Of course, they don’t actually follow through on that “promise” for the sake of their viewership not being disturbed. Maybe they'll put some hints in their little show, and then kill them off when the time is ripe.

That’s where most of its negative connotations come from: Taking advantage of a marginalized group’s need for representation to improve their ratings. People use this… very incorrectly, usually when someone is clearly using Queer Coding in their work and get accused of Queerbait when they don’t follow through with an explicit romantic relationship.

Queer Coding is when a creator writes subtextual hints into their writing that a character or relationship is meant to be read as gay to bypass censorship or stigma within the media they’re writing in. Usually with signals that a gay audience can catch onto or romantic references in plain sight. While technically not the greatest example since MDZS is a danmei, the Donghua wasn't exactly allowed to fully present their relationship for what it was. Surprisingly, they added a scene where a move of Wei Wuxian’s colored both his and Lan Wangji’s robes red to resemble Chinese wedding garments.

I only chose that example because I think it's a great representation of details in plain sight. But then there's the other way I've seen Queer Coding get used and that's in queer analysis where we read a narrative or character as gay because of their distinct traits or plotline that resonates with LGBTQ+ audiences. It gets confusing when people use it both ways, but fandom usually uses it the first way.

I'm a bit bitter when I talk about these two terms because of how often the overlap confuses audiences, and god knows how loosely Queer Coding gets used to describe some vague, homoerotic friendship while the other side starts accusing the author of Queerbait. Then you start questioning if the author was really trying to take advantage of the community, wanted to explore sexuality without commitment, or literally didn't realize what they wrote could be interpreted like that because of how it chooses to write intimacy. It gets messy FAST.

Ah, how do I say this… I get the outrage of not having explicit representation more often, but when Queerbait starts getting used to describing the writing itself rather than just the promotional marketing, it starts losing all meaning to me and becomes a scab on my back. It generalizes the intent of the writer and assumes them in this box of malicious motivations. Then there's the whole argument of whether or not real people can “queerbait”, which is also stupid to me.

The examples people bring up don't even hold up (starts using t.A.T.u in your examples for once because… wow) and a majority only apply this to fictional content because of the super-secret rule to Queerbait. Usually, it can't work because then that assumes the sexuality of the person in question and they fully well could just be non-disclosed queer who's exploring their sexuality, but then what makes the writer a problem? What's stopping you from confusing Queer Coding with Queerbait?? It's different when it's obvious that they're using the queer identity for a quick browny point, but Jesus.

The way fandom uses it is not in these really obvious moments, but in ambiguous writing. I don't understand any of this when we start straying into this territory and I'm trying not to get mad when I'm currently talking about this right now. I am already mad, I failed. Maybe it's just a personal feeling, but I really don't like this term for these reasons. It's useful, but kind sucks. I can go on forever about Queerbait and the misusage of it, and even the way I think its used currently is bullshit anyway, but I digress.

Right right, this is about Bungou Stray Dogs. As you could guess from my rant, I don't think Asagiri is queerbaiting us if you mean it in the “queerbait writing” crowd. So what about Studio Bones?

Bones, well… I mean it's really common for animation studios to draw official art like this and since Queerbait is more of a Western concept, this is understood as just fanservice I think. You can technically count this as Queerbait if you'd like, but you should always consider the fact of a different community always having a different relationship with queer concepts.

Studio Bones's official art of Soukoku is hilarious to me. There’s another one promoting some brand and they're at a fountain dating spot. At least these are not as bad as the official art for Mecha animes in the 2000s lololol.

Moving on, the argument for Queer Coding when it comes to Soukoku tends to rely on these arts. I don't recommend doing that because relying on side content that holds no purpose other than to rile up fans doesn't make a strong enough case. Subtext is the most important part to making a point, so if you can't even point in the direction of the main text, then…

Dazai and Chuuya is a bit bottom barrel of what can be considered Queer Coding. I like Soukoku as much as the next guy (maybe not in the same way) and think their relationship is incredibly fun, but one vaguely homoerotic scene in Dead Apple does not convince me anything of the idea they should be seen in a romantic context. Trust me, I've spent a long time back proofing my arguments as to why my long-term OTP should be understood as gay. Soukoku doesn't impress me in these lines of understanding.

I personally think the way some SKK fans approach their relationship from a purely romantic view and are entirely insistent on this one-note understanding of Dazai’s feelings for him ruins most conversation on the topic of Dazai, Chuuya, Age 15, and his inclusion in Stormbringer. They're very important to each other, but some need to step back to appreciate what they have in canon and then apply romance?

I have no idea why people talk as if Dazai joking around and saying “That's what makes me like you” really meant anything. Makes me doubt half the time if it's just people seeing the panel out of content and have never read the actual novel.

Fyodor and Nikolai shippers are like this too. They take the importance they have to one another (at least for Nikolai, idk what Fyodor thinks of him) and then inflate that into just romance. What they have isn't really Queer Coding, it's just fixation that is seen as romantic. They have their official art, but that doesn't mean much since it's anthology art.

Rimbaud and Verlaine hm… sometimes when an author depicts real people who were in a relationship, they avoid that detail by calling them “brotherly”. The relationship of the real authors shouldn't be pointed at as proof at all because the characters are not the people. I would not recommend romanticizing their relationship either since it was um, I don't think chaotic cuts it. The age gap was disastrous, Rimbaud moved in with him and his wife at some point (obviously making the marriage worse), one of them got slapped with a fish, Verlaine tried shooting Rimbaud, etc.

So me saying that there was no Queer Coding shouldn't mean you can't see them as queer, I just mean there's no proof of Asagiri having that intention. That is all. I think Verlaine and Rimbaud had something going on, but that's purely from my own amusement and appeal.

That's my take on that I guess? I don't see it either way. It takes a lot for me to believe there was an intention to write them a certain way. Even if you asked me, “Do you think Akechi and the protagonist from Persona 5 are meant to be gay?” I'd giggle and consider it from what the p5 royal content was like, but I'd tell you no, unfortunately.

[dreamerinthemoonlight]

The Masks Wounded Hearts Wear

Character: Kaeya (ft. Zhongli, Diluc) Constellation: Chamaeleon Season: Winter Genre: Angst with a Happy ending @yunthebishoujo  here is your request CW: Angst with a Happy ending, Injuries,  A/N: This was long and sometimes emotional, but damn was it worth the effort. Slightly edited, but not beta read, since my beta reader requested this and wanted it to be a surprise. 

Summary: Kaeya tracks fatui in Dragonspine as a favor to Diluc. When things go south, he receives some wise advice.

CW: Angst with a Happy ending, Injuries, Ragbros being shitty at feelings

Word Count: Between 1500 and 2600 depending on whether you ask google docs or Ao3

AN: It's been freaking ages since I wrote this and it's still high on my list of favorites. Like, I am a total sucker a) for ragbros reconciliation, and b) for Zhongli being super wise and giving advice. Also for platonic cuddling, if this counts. I dunno if it counts in context.

Kaeya crouches in the shadows cast by one of Dragonspine’s massive hills, watching a fatui squad feat on a boar.

The knight’s stomach growls. The hundred or so feet between him and the fatui is not enough to dissipate the smell of cooking meat. After two weeks of tailing the group, eating nothing but standard Knight’s of Favonius trail rations, a growing part of him is suggesting joining them for dinner.

Unfortunately for his stomach and frozen fingers, he and the redhead vigilante that sent him are equals in the art of espionage, where discipline rules over all.

Kaeya brings his fingers to his face, trying to use what little breath escapes around his borrowed fatui mask to warm his fingers, but only succeeds in making them wet and cold, not just cold.

He shuffles forward a few steps, training his ears on the camp below him. 

As he does, a soft snow begins to fall, leaving a light layer of misery on the fatui agent outfit that Diluc loaned him. Where Diluc got it, Kaeya isn’t sure he wants to know.

With the uniform on, he tracked this squad from a spot just south of the Dawn Winery, up Wyrmrest Valley (where the number of fatui alone nearly got him bought) and down the road that clings to the western side of the mountain’s main peak, to where they are now. 

All Diluc said on the matter was “You still owe me a favor from when we trained as knights. I’m calling it in. There’s a squad of fatui not too far from here. Track them and figure out why they’re so close to the winery. And leave your vision behind. You won’t be able to hide it wearing that.”

When Kaeya asked why, Diluc responded with “You should know why.”

Kaeya sighs, watching his breath mix with heavy snowflakes. If he had to guess, the sour look on the redhead’s face was because he knows full well that Kaeya is the only one he can trust with this. Kaeya is the liar, the one with the masks, the one who could pass for a fatui if need be. And, Kaeya thinks with a smirk, Diluc’s shoulders would never fit in the pyro agent’s uniform

Kaeya waits for what seems like hours, listening to the fatui’s conversation while he acquires a layer of snow.

Eventually he hears a pyrosligner ask the others “we should be far enough from the wine maker’s mansion. We should open that wine now.”

Oh. Oh. Awareness dawns on the knight. You’re showing your hand little brother. This has nothing to do with the Dark Knight Hero, just a theft you apparently only trust me with.

Kaeya shuffles forward, trying to remain within sight of the fatui camp.

Two steps from his original position, however, the worst happens. With his eyes trained on the fire that serves as his only guide in the rising storm, he slips on a patch of ice.

His legs go out from under him and he lands on his back with a sharp crack before sliding into a snowbank. 

Kaeya lays there for several minutes, gasping for air that only burns.

Suddenly the mask on his face weighs a thousand pounds, mirroring the one that he’s worn since he was a mere ten years old.

His next breath is half sob. A stern face, framed in scarlet hair, filled with grief and bitter rage fills his vision.

So like a Knight of Favonius, inefficient, incompetent. A liar. You’re not my brother.

“Diluc. Brother.” Kaeya whispers.

As the snow falls on his mask, lingering as if they were frozen tears, Kaeya finds himself wanting to flee Dragonspine, to return to the Dawn Winery, his proper home. And embrace Diluc like a brother again. To see Diluc smile.

Kaeya stirs, pushing himself up, wrapping that desire around him like a cloak, then stumbles off into the storm. He doesn’t know what direction he’s going, but promises himself, no matter what, he’s going home.

While Kaeya fights a blizzard, Zhongli wanders around the Liyue edge of Dragonspine.

All around him, the few birch trees found in Liyue have lost the last of their leaves. But Zhongli finds that their winter state has an austere beauty. The ending of one year leaves room for the beginning of the next.

Not unlike the Geo Archon, Zhongli thinks with a wry chuckle.

Before he can move north, however, a flash of red and black amidst the blizzard raging on Dragonspine catches his attention.

A fatui pyro agent stumbles out of the wall of white. What few parts of the fatuus that aren’t covered in snow are frozen solid.

The ex-archon summons a stone spear, still his weapon of choice when it’s needed, but approaches the fatuus calmly. Although he seems to bear no threat, any fatuus warrants a certain level of caution.

The pyro agent tilts his head at Zhongli, as if confused  or disoriented, before collapsing.

After a moment’s thought, Zhongli releases the spear, letting it return to the earth, before lifting the fatuus and bringing him to one of the abandoned houses in Mingyun Village.

Once settled, Zhongli lays the motionless man on a bedroll, then curls up around him, chest to chest, using his own body heat to warm him. Then he removes the agent’s mask, curious as to the face of his new charge.

The sight of the supposed fatuus--or rather the battered young man wearing a fatuus uniform-- has Zhongli leaning back an inch and raising an eyebrow.

“This is… unexpected. Let's see what I can do for you, youngling.”

Zhongli examines the young man carefully, finding a sprained ankle, a couple broken ribs, and a number of scratches and bruises covering him from head to toe. 

Given the area the man came from, it all points to a bad fall--and likely a head injury.

At the thought, Zhongli lays a hand on his charge’s shoulder, gently shaking him awake.

As if a non-fatuus in pyro agent clothing wasn’t shocking enough, when the young man opens his eyes, Zhongli is met with something he hasn’t seen in 500 years, something he swore never to speak of. The violet irises looking back at him--or in his general direction, as the young man don't seem to be capable of focusing on anything in particular--surround the star-like pupils of the Khaenri’ah people. Khaenri’ah, which should be gone, something of the past and painful memories. But with eyes like his, there is no doubt, the young man is from Khaenri’ah.

Zhongli shoves the thought aside. Khaenri’ah fell half a millennium ago. No matter where the boy came from or what people he owes his allegiance to, Zhongli isn’t going to let him die from hypothermia and the worst of his injuries. So, he wraps himself around the young Khaenri'an and waits.

The Khaenri’an man slowly warms, regaining color in his lips and cheeks. As he does, his eyes clear and he reaches out for something, accidentally hitting Zhongli in the process.

“What are you looking for?” Zhongli says, mindful that his lip are inches away from the other man’s ear.

“Eye-patch,” the young man rasps, putting space between them.

Zhongli doesn’t follow, taking the opportunity to get a better look at his face while he takes a seat next to the bed-roll. Over his right eye the not-fatuus bears a prominent scar. 

“You didn’t have one with you. What’s your name?”

The more Zhongli speaks the greater the confusion present in the not-fatuus’ face. “Kaeya? Wait where am I? Where’s Diluc? I need to---”

Kaeya shoots up, but Zhongli pushes his shoulders down. “You’re in Liyue. You came out of Dragonspine. I trust you remember that much.”

“Dragonspine? Oh. Oh. How bad is it?”

“Broken ribs, sprained ankle, some bruises and scrapes. I wouldn’t be surprised if you started showing signs of a concussion. You shouldn’t be moving for a bit.”

Kaeya sinks into the blankets and stares up at the ceiling. “I guess.”

“Where are you from? Khaenri’ah has been gone for 500 hundred years.”

A spasm of pain crosses Kaeya’s face, before the emotion is shoved aside in favor of a well-practiced mask. “It’s a long story.”

“I have a fondness for long stories.”

Kaeya regards his savior with a guarded look. “You haven’t introduced yourself.”

“Ah. Pardon me. I’m Zhongli.”

The blatant suspension tells Zhongli that his charge is adept at reading others-- seeing things that aren’t spoken of--and that the current answer is not one he’d accept. 

“I’ll tell you my story if you tell me the truth.”

A contract: A secret for a secret; a truth for a truth; a fair trade of deep secrets. 

“It’s no lie. But trading one truth for another is fair. I will agree.”

“Thank you.”

Zhongli takes a moment to read Kaeya, the hesitancy, the exhaustion--certainly physical and likely emotional--, as well as a weight ill-suited for a man still in his early twenties.

“I think I’ll start, if that is acceptable to you.”

Kaeya nods. “Please.”

“Where to begin… Ah. Once, many, many years ago, the gods fought for dominance, seeking to claim the chairs of the seven archons. It was a brutal time and there was no peace in Teyvat. To protect one’s people, one would have to fight for the throne. Those who didn’t, died.

“One of those seekers was Morax. As history tells it, Morax won the Geo Throne, and spent nearly three thousand years watching over the Nation of Geo as Rex Lapis.”

“Rex Lapis is dead.”

“The only way for a nation to live without their archon is for that archon to put himself beyond the reach of his followers. The Geo Archon knew this well.”

“You’re Rex Lapis.”

“Morax is dead. I am simply an old fashioned Liyue citizen. I’ve simply seen more years than most and held power very few can comprehend. Now, I think it’s your turn, young Kaeya.”

Kaeya takes a deep breath and starts from the beginning, of how he was raised and the task he was given. He tells of how he was abandoned by one father and raised by the next and of his adopted brother. 

When he speaks of Crepus’s death, his fight with Diluc, and the vision that saved him, his voice weakens and he curls in hon himself.

“I don’t know how to make it better,” Kaeya confesses. “I don’t know how to make him not hate me. I did lie to him, to Father, and everyone at home, but I can’t tell them the truth. I just want to go home.”

Zhongli is silent for a long moment. “Perhaps it is best to stop lying to your brother.”

“What do you mean? I told him the truth. He nearly killed me for it.”

“About the past, perhaps, but have you told him what you just told me?”

“He wouldn’t accept it. I was surprised when he asked for my help tracking some fatui wine thieves. Really, all he had to do was tell me someone stole the wine. How, I don’t know, but they did.”

“Even for an archon, it’s impossible to truly know the hearts of others. You cannot know how he’ll react because you are not him. He went to you for help, didn’t he?”

“He did.”

“I’ve seen six thousand years and watched humans for more than half of it.” Zhongli smiles softly as he speaks. “Trust me, Kaeya. Be honest.”

“I’ll try.”

“Good. As soon as you can move around easily, I’ll take you back to Mondstadt.”

It takes two weeks for Kaeya’s ankle to heal and for his ribs to not twinge every time he moves.

With each moment that passes the ache in his heart grows. The longer he’s away from home, the more he wishes that he had never given it up. 

Once his sprained ankle heals, however, he wraps himself back up in the pyro agent’s clothing--a large part of those two weeks was spent mending the holes his fell had made-- and replaces the mask.

Zhongli frowns when he sees Kaeya back in the guise of a fatuus, but doesn’t comment. 

“Let go,” Zhongli says before leading Kaeya back home.

The night Kaeya returns to the Dawn Winery is a frigid one. Zhongli had left him at the edge of the two nations, wishing him luck and reminding him of the advice he gave.

Well after the sun has set, Kaeya checks his mask. It’s dirty and scratched, but it covers the scar over his eye. 

When he’s sure that all is in place he creeps up to the mansion and scales the walls. Diluc’s window is lit like it always is this time of night and rather than trying to get past Adelinde and the servants who are blissfully unaware of their master’s pastime, it’s easier to just pick the lock of the window.

The window creaks as it opens, startling Diluc out of his work, but Kaeya is in the room before he can move.

Diluc reaches for his claymore. “Who do---”

Kaeya hurries to remove the mask, certain that if it came to blows now, Diluc would wipe the floor with him. Frustrating, but true.

“Kaeya? What the---”

Diluc punches Kaeya, sending the latter’s head snapping backwards.

“Dammit, Diluc, what was that for?”

“We thought you were dead, you asshole,” Diluc hisses. “I thought I had sent you out to die. You should have at least sent a letter or something.”

“I didn’t know you still cared, D.”

Diluc opens his mouth to retort but closes it. “Where were you?”

“Recovering in Liyue. Getting some advice. It seems like Zhongli is as wise as he’s rumored to be.”

“Oh?”

“He told me to tell you the truth.”

Diluc raises an eyebrow. “The truth? The one you lied about until Father died.”

Kaeya backs up and sits on Diluc’s bed, rubbing at his aching ribs. Climbing the winery wall might not have been his brightest idea.

“I had bad timing on that. Father’s death messed me up too, D. He was larger than life and losing him was---”

“Hard.”

“Yea, it was. But there’s something else I haven’t said.”

Diluc glares at Kaeya. “Then say it.”

“I miss being here. I just about died after I slipped and fell during a storm--heroic, I know-- but all I could think about was how much I missed the way things were. I heard you calling me incompetent and a liar and all I wanted was for you to smile and call me brother again. I wanted to come home, to the Winery, to fight side by side. But I didn’t think you’d ever want to.”

Diluc takes a seat on the bed next to Kaeya. Kaeya's honesty twists something in his gut, reminding him of the many times Crepus helped the two make up after their typical sibling squabbles. The guilt and mistrust that has constantly warred within him is quelled by those memories.

The redhead sighs and stares at his toes, not quite willing to look his brother in the eyes. “I think Father would be ashamed of us right now. We were brothers and brothers are supposed to stick together. Or that’s what he’d say.”

“He’d be lecturing us until our ears burned.”

Diluc looks over at Kaeya. “Can we try again?”

“What?”

"Can we try again? To be brothers. And maybe make Father proud."

"You really want to?"

“I was pissed, but I overreacted.”

Kaeya smiles. "Yeah. We can try again. It'll be nice to hang around you when I'm not working on drinking."

"Which you could stand to cut back on."

"Says the person who supplies my vice."

Yet, as they go back and forth, all Kaeya can hear is the unspoken “I still love you.”

[generalluxun]

Show and Tell, MLB style.

There's an interesting dichotomy in two MLB storylines that highlights, within the same show, these two approaches and the relative values of each. I am not here to litigate the value of the characters or the outcomes, only the presentation of specific elements within the show.

These characters are Chloé Bourgeois and Felix Fathom. The subject? Abuse

Okay, now that most have left...

Chloé brings us 'show' specifically season 2. The execution of Style Queen was exemplary. We had a pattern for Chloé by now, we knew her(we thought) and what made her tick. Then boom, Audrey drops. In two episodes it redefines everything. There's no moment anyone looks into the camera and says 'abuse' and yet in the animation, the voices, the storyboarding it is all laid out. From cringing, to wheedling, to the interactions between her father and her mother, to the fact that even at the end the very worst she could lay at her mother's feet was 'Why don't you love me?'

It's a victim portrait painted in vivid detail. It expands petty bullying into the larger cycle of abused becoming abuser and the cycle of violence. Whatever else you think on either side of this story it is in isolation, magnificent.

Contrast this then with Felix's presentation. From minor antagonist, to straight up villain(seemingly) to third party villainy, to misunderstood antihero perhaps?(time will tell) there is a lot to unpack with Felix, definitely. Yet the abuse segment of his story is: a line. One line. 'my father was a thousand times worse.' and that is all. We don't know how, or why, or what effects it has on Felix. Maybe will will in time but for now it is simply a check box. 'and also, abuse.' It provides us no insight, no context. Even a single line, with more thought, could put so much more into the moment.

'My mother protected me, and now I want to protect you.'

This instantly paints a more detailed picture. It helps align why Felix is so bold, and why Amilie is so timid in regards to him. It gives that super deep connection they have (despite his other antisocial tendencies) a little more context.

So that's my ramble. Something they did well, and something they did poorly.

[impossiblesongs]

right-wrong turn (ii) [simm!master x reader]

Summary: The Master had you both slip in through the Traitor’s Gate, an already ominous omen.

Disclaimer: Not my characters. This is a disclaimer.

AN: this pair hasn’t left me and now it’s everyone’s problem Warning: (nothing says valentine's day like) Typical Master violence-prone tendencies

✍️✍️✍️fic masterlist

right-wrong turn (ii) simm!master x reader simm!master timeline: post-end of time

It was frighteningly eerie, walking outside the walls of the Tower of London without guard or personnel lingering in sight. No one to stop you or question why you were there in the first place. You had a sinking dread in the pit of your stomach that told you the Master had everything to do with that.

You knew where the Black Vault was located, you had to wonder if the Master did too. If you could lead him elsewhere, wasn’t it your duty to? Then again, if he killed you, he’d still have free reign of the Tower. You doubt it would take him long to find the Vault. It would take him longer to get inside, though. Maybe even long enough for someone else to notice.

The Master had you both slip in through the Traitor’s Gate, an already ominous omen. When a door to the actual castle came in sight, the Master hurried to sidestep in front of you just as you reached it, bringing all of your thoughts of leading him astray to a halt.

“Don’t say I never did anything for you,” he stated primly before taking great care to break into and hold open the beautifully carved castle door.

Did he just open the door for you? The harder you stared the more he returned it with his own penetrating glower. It was so seemingly out of character that you hesitated to walk past him, finally doing so for fear of what he’d do if you refused.

“Aren’t you going to ask where everyone is?” He sing-songs from behind your back, probably with a pout.

You shrug, “Do I have to?”

“Are you asking if I’d like you to? The answer is yes, obviously, or I wouldn’t have led with the question,” the Master retorts testily.

You force yourself to say, “Where is everyone?”

He gleefully orders, “Guess!”

“Dead?”

The Master cut you off once again and you flinched away as he followed your backsteps, crowding into your space menacingly.

You could see every pore on his young, unblemished face, his dark-blond hair haloed by the fluorescent lights above.

“Go on,” he says, leaning in and forcing you to turn your face to the side. You can feel his exhale at your ear before he harshly whispers, “Am I that transparent?”

Clearly, with every ounce of bravery you have within you, you hiss, “You’re a monster. I know exactly who you are, the things you have done.”

The Master hums, unrelenting in his suffocating proximity.

You meet his eye steadily and challenge, through gritted teeth, “So why don’t you show me something I don’t know.”

The Master holds a stern façade only for so long before bursting out with unrestrained laughter. Your skin burns with sudden humiliation. The fact that he’s playing with you is not lost on you.

Suddenly you feel his arm snake around your waist, all humor stripped from his voice as he says, “Get on with it.”

And he shoves you forward. You nearly stumble over your feet, having to find purchase against the brick wall, before continuing to lead him toward his desired location.

You walk forward with leaden steps, your mind scrambling the closer you get. Less able to think, less even to act on any sort of diversion, however, your heart does beat with a sudden fury. A madness, even. If the Master wants easy prey, he won’t find a mouse in you.

“What’s wrong?” You say, flat and dour, slowing your gait. “Are we in a terrible hurry?”

“Feeling awfully chatty now, are we?”

You scoff, “As my last conversationalist, you’re doing the worst thing one could do.”

“And what, pray tell, would that be?”

You give the Master a glance over your shoulder and affect a shrug, “You’re a total bore.”

“And you humans have a vast knowledge of such, don’t you? Evolution,” the Master chuckles derisively. “You animals are led by whatever feeling drags you on at any given moment, caught by messy ridiculous notions of what you purport to be and pointless, tenuous and flickering moral guidelines. Your lot is little less than the primitive species you allegedly evolved from. Such stupendous arrogance that you’d think otherwise.”

“Careful now, I fear you’ve gone and lost yourself with good old classic projection,” you answer evenly.

The archway to the stairs that lead to the basement levels of the Archive meets your sight. It brings you to a halt. You feel the Master poke at your back and tears spring to your eyes.

He gives a tsk, “Aww, cat got your tongue?”

Slowly, you turn to face him. Not to beg for your life, not even for full sympathy, but what comes out is this: “What would you want? If it was your dying day and someone cared enough to ask what would comfort you? Honestly, can you tell me that? I think you owe it to me.”

His answering smile could almost be sublime, if not for the vicious gleam in his eye. “Don't tell me you want a kiss? I’d think, if you’re looking for comfort, you’re asking the wrong Time Lord. Now, walk down those stairs and open the Vault.”

You don’t know what gives you the extra audacity to press your luck, but your smile is just as sharp as his gaze. “See, I don’t think I’m asking the wrong Time Lord at all. I just think I’m asking a cowardly one.”

You turn and walk down the stairs before he can reply.

Walking into the check-in stall before the Vault, you do finally see another person.

They’re middle-aged, teetering on their tiptoes, a device securely around their neck keeping them in place, eyes wide and posture straining. There’s also a small cube that the Master moves to grab, leaning against the desk and pushing it towards you.

“The second your friend over here loses balance and pulls on that thread around his neck, that room loses pressure and collapses in on itself, crushing everyone inside,” the Master informs. “Won it at a toy shop.”

With one glance, you can see it’s a live feed. It’s a room filled with Tower personnel; some that you even recognize. Some are in much higher ranks at Unit than yourself. “If you’ve evacuated the entire Tower, and had access to people in that room who had access to the Vault, why did you need me?”

“You were a string to pull, and it’s been a fun game, pet, but now is your hour. So if you’d please, not in your own time,” the Master prompts you towards the door with a wave of his hand.

You eye the middle-aged man the Master has hostage and take the extra second needed to read his nametag. Victor.

“I’m sorry, Vic,” you say to him.

He closes his weary eyes at your acknowledgment.

“Ah, ah, ah, almost forgot! You’re going to need this,” the Master hands you what looks to be your clearance card. You don’t recognize it. “You’d think they’d keep this place under lock and key,” the Master whispers conspiratorially to Victor. “I’d tell you to meet with the head of your security and let them know it’s much too easy to break in this way, but… you won’t be here much longer.”

“Stop baiting him,” you snap.

This seems to finally strain the last bit of the Master’s patience and he stalks towards you quick as lightning, his hand wrapping viciously around your neck and face a breath away from yours.

“Open. The. Door.”

[cornerofhell]

Writin' Lies

I didn't wanna have to do this. But my hand has been pushed.

WARNING: NSFW MENTION

For those that don't know, a user by the name of artinandwritin8 has posted a document about my two dear friends, Glam and Kindheart. The reason I am making this journal post is to point out one of the many flaws of said document and to tell my side of the story since artinandwritin8 has stolen that from me.

I ask that you do not harrass anyone I mention here, and I ask that you please do not spread that document around, which is why I'm not linking it..

First, let's talk about that little flaw I mentioned within this document. The reason I am not referencing others is because this particular flaw is of one of a high nature... If it couldn't easily be fought against.

I would post the screenshot here, but you'll see later that she blocked me before I could!

"Last but definitely not least, the nsfw channels and Glam’s strange sexualization of herself in front of everyone. Now I am a person that is not at all bothered by nsfw topics, at all. As long as it’s purely fictional, legal and consensual, I can engage in a conversation with no problem! I can even discuss irl nsfw topics with my close friends on private with no problem. My problem lies with people that randomly come to tell me about their private lives unprompted, or people that talk about their sexual lives out in the open.  Thought it was basic understanding not to talk about your sexual life on the general nsfw channels exclusive but not limited to memes. For a very long time there was just one nsfw channel that functioned for all purposes, too, so that made it even worst to try and handle any and all random statements people made out of nowhere about their private irl lives, while Glam encouraged it. And even though later in time more channels were added along with restrictions on who could and could not access these channels (bc yes, there were no restrictions before and minors did enter, and was not talked about properly after being fixed), it did not stop at all since it would bleed into the other channels all the goddamned time. You could not escape it. I hated it, because like I said I hate people coming to me to talk about their private sexual lives out of nowhere, and I can only guess I wasn’t the only one, since this happened frequently and in front of everyone. I did not reach out to say this bothered me because the owner encouraged this behavior and actively engaged in it, not even considering how her being a fresh adult talking in detail about her sex life unprompted could make others feel at all. You can be open all you want, you can be way more open than I am, but don’t be open right in front of me when I showed no indication of being interested in knowing at all. I hated it."

Huh. That's very interesting seeing how you were one of the main contributors to bringing NSFW out in the open outside of the designated NSFW channels.

Let's talk about the piss jars, shall we? For those that don't know, this was a joke in our server, Heliophilia. The whole Rainbow Dash Jar debacle was a running gag in our NSFW channel at the time, and the joke was made that it be urine instead.

I forget the reason why, it may have been funny banter (since I believed we were friends" but one day everyone awoke to find artinandwritin08's pdf to be my fursona, in a piss jar, which she laughed about and joked about to me.

Then, after I changed my PDF to a character that artinandwritin08 had a heavy crush on in a jar, the mod, kindheart, directed us TO THE NSFW CHANNEL TO CONTINUE THE JOKE. Other people joined and soon everyone's PDFs were piss jars of each other's characters. Hell, artinandwritin08 and I even made jars for two of kindheart's OCs, and kind was fine as LONG AS IT WAS IN NSFW!

Hate to tell you, but URINE IS A WELL-KNOWN KINK. YOU KNEW THAT. Why? Because that's the kink you're claiming that Glam "sexualized herself to everyone" WAS A PISS KINK. And even then, she wouldn't mention her kink outside of NSFW, she would joke about in- get this- NSFW MEMES! Wanna know how I know? Because she never mentioned her piss kink until the NSFW channel had more than just one section. She posted about it in one of the NSFW sections, and after that, it became a running gag in the NSFW channel that mainly everyone participated in. Because it was a JOKE! She was fine with people joking about it, so whenever we saw a meme about urine in NSFW MEMES, everyone would go "oh glam!" The only people who did it outside of NSFW were people tagging her, and her telling them to take it to NSFW.

This is all funny because more recently before the server was deleted, artinandwritin08 and I were joking around in the NSFW channel, section general chat. See, at the time I had considered her a friend, and I had built enough trust with her, to show her my parents. She joked about my mother being hot, and turned that into a running gag between us, which I was semi-okay with. Fast forward to said joking in the NSFW general chat and I changed my PDF to her favorite character's piss jar again, as a joke.

What did she proceed to do? Threaten to put MY MOTHER in a piss jar without any acknowledgment it was a joke and put it as her pdf, in the NSFW general chat, and in front of everyone. I deleted the photo of my parents before she could do it, thankfully, but that sure is a lot of talk for someone uncomfortable with NSFW out in other channels about real people.

NOW the part that was stolen from me!

After the situation of the server being deleted, I unfollowed artinandwritin08 and the others who had been involved in the slander against my friends. It wasn't until today that I saw on tumblr that not only had artin made her own post, but that I was mentioned in it.

I am the member in question in this screenshot above. This section was not only posted without my consent, but it's also flat-out false and severly outdated.

This took place on April 11th, 2021. Yes, you read that right. More than two years ago. The character that artin is referring to was a part of a verse that I deleted more than a year ago. The character's personality and job was almost exactly the same to Kindheart's character, the difference being their species and colors. Kindheart graciously pointed that out when I posted said character, and I realized on my own that Kindheart was right, and I accidentally used her character as help for my own.

No one convinced me, I didn't have on rose-colored glasses, I realized I had made a mistake, and fixed it.

Here are the DMs between Kindheart and I to show she didn't convince me of anything.

As I before mentioned, the very universe and character that this was all about, has been deleted for a long time. So I was appalled when I found this mentioned in the document, and so inaccurately, portraying me as some kind of naive little child as if I couldn't make my own choices, because artin hadn't asked my consent in the first place.

Angry, and genuinely hurt, I took to artin's comments of her tumblr post and wrote this:

"Jess. Take the part about me down. First of all, the part you are referring to is when I was still making the Musicalverse, YEARS ago. The character in question, Love Bug, was in fact way too similar to Kindheart's River Morganite at the time. Kind and I discussed it, and I changed it because I agreed with her! It was almost the exact same story! I wasn't wooed or convinced like you say. Which you would know if you hadn't blocked me and asked my consent to post my story in the first place. Making me anonymous doesn't change the fact that that story is clearly about me. I wasn't forced to do anything. Kind asked me. Why? Because I'm not just a fucking fan who can easily be manipulated or anything like what you said. Kind and Glam are some of my best friends, and once upon a time, you were too. This hurt, Jess. Remove that section about me."

Artinandwritin's response was to block me, and not touch the section about me at all.

The thing is, she didn't know that I had other accounts, and I wanted that section that was misrepresenting me gone. So I used my Ask Glen and Glenda account to comment again, hoping to get that section removed.

And guess what? I was blocked again, within seconds, and that section about me still hadn't been touched.

So using my third account, I posted a comment a final time

And once again, I was blocked. So here I am, having to explain my story because artinandwritin stole it from me, and decided that I was too much of a "fan" to tell my own story.

Then again, there are so many holes in that document and the other that Jerry is stealing it from Tom thinking it's cheese, so who am I to say?

So to set the record straight, I'm not a little fan. I'm Glam and Kindheart's friend. They are like sisters to me, and to have me used as a little "victim" in a story against them is fucking cruel.

To Jess, because I know you'll be reading this: Thank you for proving to me how little you care about people, and how our friendship and probably any others you have, is a fucking lie. Good luck being a therapist.

To everyone else, I love you, thank you for reading.

[noodlecupcakeswritings]

A Royal Affair - Chapter 2 (Kylo RenXOC)

The First Order is looking to expand its allies and Corellia is known for its great Starships and the royal family. Princess Cora Ardmore is less than thrilled about her future marriage to General Hux, and even less thrilled to have Kylo Ren as her temporary bodyguard.

AN: I just want to warn people that this is definitely a darker fic from me. Plus I do not hate General Hux at all regardless of how I’m portraying him in this fic, I love him but have some dark headcanons about him. I also want to thank @neeharlow and @kittyofalltrades for helping bringing this fic to life with our roleplay thread :D I also want to thank my incredible fiance @mk-vi​ for allowing me to use his OC Varidun. 

Warnings: Violence, Character deaths, Hux is still an asshole, Kylo is also an asshole, Slight horror elements 

Chapter 2

Cora Ardmore

It had been a full rotation since The First Order had invaded my home and it already felt like I was suffocating. Stormtroopers seemed to be everywhere, Officers were coming and going as they pleased and worst of all was their precious General and Commander. Although I hadn’t quite determined which of the two were worse at the moment. Kylo Ren, the Jedi killer, was silent, more of a looming, foreboding presence. He was intimidating to everyone and anyone that came into contact with him, including those supposedly on his side. The only person who didn’t seem bothered by Kylo Ren’s brooding was General Hux. My fiancée.

Showing him around the palace had been gruelling and infuriating. The way he eyed me up like some prize to be won was repulsive. And whilst I had encountered that look many times before from princes and politicians, there was something about the way Hux did it that made my skin crawl. Perhaps it was his determination and arrogance. I had attempted to protest the marriage not only with him but my parents, but it seemed there was no wiggle room. Whilst I was worried about my own fate, I was also worried about what this would mean regarding Corellia’s alliance with Kuat.

My former fiancée, Prince Jax Grespa, was someone whom I had gotten along with. Whilst the marriage would have also been purely political, it still had somewhat been my choice. I’d had plenty of time to get to know Jax previously and we were at least friendly and had trust for each other. I just had to hope he wouldn’t see it as a betrayal, that he would see the truth of this new arrangement. Well, more hostage situation. And it was made worse by being a hostage in my own home.

Hux was already acting like he owned the place and the staff. And my handmaidens and personal guard were already as sick of him as I was. My chief handmaiden, Flora, had already been very vocal about her distaste for the man. But she always had been very vocal regardless of the situation. Hux’s quarters were down the hall beside Kylo Ren’s. I would have preferred to put more distance between my bedroom and theirs, so it didn’t feel like they were breathing down my neck constantly. But Hux had made it clear that he didn’t trust me quite yet. Nor should he. I was determined to fight him every step of the way.

Retreating to my quarters, which were the only safe place in the palace, I took a few moments for myself. Other planets must have heard about the invasion by now, and they had to be arranging forces to help us. At least, I hoped they were. After only having ten minutes to myself, there was a hurried knock at the door. “My lady?” Came Varidun’s voice. He sounded tense, understandably so when The First Order was scrutinizing everyone within the palace. Yet I was worried about what news awaited me on the other side of the door. I ushered my personal guard inside, making sure nobody was around to eavesdrop.

“What is it?” I asked. I couldn’t help but notice the bulk of his armour under his greatcoat and that just gave me more questions. Varidun held out a bag for me to take. “I have come with orders from your mother. You are to change into these and then accompany me through the lower levels to a waiting speeder,” Varidun explained. I felt a small glimmer of hope at what he was implying. Taking the bag from him, I looked inside to find handmaiden robes and a hooded cloak. Without further question, I went behind a screen to change into the clothes provided. I trusted Varidun with my life and I had since I was a little girl.

“Are we going to Kuat?” I asked in a hushed whisper. “It’s one of the locations I have been authorized to take you. Your mother did not wish to know, should anything happen.” Nerves bubbled inside my stomach, neither of us would be safe until we were off the planet. Once dressed, I stepped out from behind the screen. “I suppose I can’t even say goodbye to my parents?” I asked solemnly, already knowing the answer. Varidun shook his head, my heart sinking at the realization not only would I not be able to say goodbye to my parents, but I also would likely never be able to return home.

Varidun opened the door to my room and once he deemed the coast was clear, he ushered me over. “Stay close to me and keep your head low,” he instructed. Nodding gently, I did as I was told and followed him out of my quarters. Keeping my eyes on the floor, I remained silent, although my heart pounded with every step. We passed a group of stormtroopers, but thankfully, they didn’t seem to notice us. Only once we turned a corner did I release the breath I had been holding. My stomach was a mixture of nerves and excitement and I had to reign in my hope just in case the worst happened. Once we were clear of the planet, then I could celebrate.

Varidun led me down a staircase that took us to the lower levels. We eventually stopped at a bookcase, Varidun looking around to check the coast was clear. Once he deemed it was safe, he lifted a book to reveal a small pin code panel. Punching in a string of numbers, the bookcase opened with a hiss to reveal an old service elevator. I had known the palace was filled with various secret tunnels and doors in case my family needed to escape for a number of reasons, but I had never come across them myself. Stepping inside, Varidun pressed a button for the level three sub-basement.

The lift eventually stops, the doors sliding open to reveal a service tunnel. The walls are coloured a faded silver durasteel, although a pipe had burst somewhere causing a small ankle-deep flood. Stepping out of the lift, my shoes and the bottom of my skirt were immediately soaked. Varidun opened a small box that was mounted on the wall and produced two small clip-on flashlights. Once his was attached, he handed me the other one. “Here, it won’t light up much, but they will stop us from tripping over,” Varidun spoke. “Thank you.”

The torch looked old; I wondered if it would even work, let alone have a beam big enough for use. Turning it on, the light was dim, but it was better than nothing. Varidun led me down the tunnel, the water splashing noisily with each step we took. “I had no idea all this was down here,” I mused. “It’s been here longer than the palace itself. From my understanding, Corellia, much like Coruscant, is built upon several sub-layers of infrastructure that keep the city running,” Varidun explained. He took another left turn before a right turn. Not once did he hesitate, seeming to know exactly which path to take, as if he had frequently been down here.

“Is it just you and my mother who know? Or has a decoy been put in my place for the time being?” I asked. It wasn’t uncommon for the royal family to have decoys should there be any attempts on our lives. I remembered being fascinated by my decoy as a child, and even now I wondered how they found women that looked so similar to me. “Yes, a decoy has been put in place,” Varidun finally answered. “I see.” I wondered how long it would take before Hux noticed a decoy had taken my place. We couldn’t have much more time before someone noticed I was gone, as was my personal guard.

“It’s not much further, once we reach the main pumping station, our path back to the surface begins,” Varidun broke the silence. We took a few more twists and turns before Varidun came to a dead stop before me quick enough that I almost bumped into him. I could hear the familiar hum of a saber before I saw the red crossguard illuminating the tunnels. Dread pooled in my stomach and tears pricked at my eyes at the sight of Kylo Ren. He must have been down here the entire time, lurking in the shadows and waiting to ambush us.

“Princess, your fiancée was getting worried about you,” Kylo said, the sarcasm unmistakable even through the voice modulator of his helmet. Varidun remained between us, drawing his vibro-sword, “the princess isn’t allowed to go for walks on her own land anymore?” I cowered behind Varidun, completely useless in this situation. All my previous hopes were gone, replaced with the dread that I was going to die. “Not to the speeder waiting for the two of you at the end of the tunnel, no. Now, either we can escort her back together or I can do it myself,” Kylo offered.

“I don’t think her royal highness wishes to return with you,” Varidun replied. Varidun readied himself, his free hand on his blaster. He didn’t move, however, he wouldn’t until Kylo did. I, on the other hand, prepared myself to run. Kylo sighed, the sound coming out as static before advancing on us. Varidun stepped forward, ready to meet him in the middle. He drew his blaster, firing a few rounds at Kylo as the gap between them continued to close.

I turned and ran, losing myself in the twists and turns of the tunnels. Only once I had run out of breath did I stop, straining my ears to listen for movement. Another blaster shot rang out before hitting the water with a splash, meaning Kylo had likely deflected it with his saber or the force. Every sound echoed off the walls, and Varidun suddenly cried out in pain. My heart sank at the sound, and I froze, unsure what to do next. The more time that passed with only silence, the more I thought that Varidun was dead.

Another pained cry echoed through the tunnels, confirming that he was still alive. For how much longer, however, I had no idea. It wasn’t until Varidun howled with pain again that I realized just what Kylo was doing. Kylo was a force user, he could have killed Varidun easily, but he had chosen not to. Now torturing him in the hopes of luring me out. Tears pricked at my eyes, and I covered my ears, trying to drown out Varidun’s screams. But no matter how hard I pressed down, I could still hear him, the sound engrained in my mind now.

“Princess, you can end his pain by surrendering. Come out and I’ll spare what’s left of him,” Kylo called. I couldn’t be sure if Kylo was telling the truth, but a part of me wanted to believe I could save Varidun even if I sacrificed my freedom. I knew Varidun wouldn’t be happy if I did so, but it felt wrong to let him die at Kylo’s hand. Whilst it was a part of Varidun’s job to give his life to protect my family and I that didn’t mean I didn’t care about his safety and well-being. But I knew Varidun, and I knew if I surrendered, he wouldn’t be happy at all. He’d want me to run.

“Or you can keep hiding and listen to me kill him. Then I’ll have no choice but to hunt you down and drag you back to the palace,” Kylo threatened. The last thing I wanted was the Jedi killer hunting me, I could only imagine the things he’d do to me before taking me back to the palace. I needed to move, try, and find another exit before Kylo could reach me. Glancing down at the light in my hand, I knew I had no choice but to turn it off so it wouldn’t give away my position.

With shaking hands, I killed the light, plunging myself into complete darkness. Taking a few deep breaths for courage, I took a small step forward, water splashing around my ankles. My heart leapt in my throat at the sound, now afraid that it had given away my position. Glancing around, I looked for any signs of the red blade and listened for its familiar hum or any footsteps. Nothing but silence. Placing my hand on the wall, I used it as a guide as I gently shuffled forward, desperately trying to not make a sound.

Taking the next turn, I prayed internally for some kind of light up ahead, but I was just greeted with more darkness. My heart was pounding hard against my chest, and I was afraid of every step I took, but I had to keep going. I couldn’t just sit around and wait for Kylo to find me. I took a few more turns and there was still no end in sight. My fear was starting to win out, I was lost. I was stuck in this maze of tunnels with a man who might kill me, and I was never going to find my way out.

Hearing a noise from behind me, I whipped around, trying to search the darkness for the source. There were a few seconds of silence before the angry red of Kylo’s saber cut through the darkness. It only illuminated his helmet, which was now advancing on me like some kind of bodiless apparition. I couldn’t help but let out a small yelp before turning and running blindly into the darkness. I barely made it a few steps before Kylo reached out with the force and froze me in place.

No matter how hard I willed my limbs to move, they remained still. Now the sob that had been building in my throat spilled free, crying like a frightened child. Kylo reached me, now standing before me and looking down at his captured prey. “P-please, don’t hurt me,” I pleaded. “I have no interest in hurting you, only returning you to your fiancée. However, I cannot say for certain that he will be so merciful.” Kylo wrapped his hand around my upper arm and practically dragged me back through the tunnels and to the palace.

Even as he pulled me into the throne room, I couldn’t stop my tears, crying for my lost freedom, the loss of my friend and now in fear of the consequences of my actions. Hux was waiting in the throne room, as were my parents. Stormtroopers stood behind my parents, making sure they didn’t make any sudden movements. My decoy lay at Hux’s feet, still and silent. There wasn’t even the soft rise and fall of her breaths. He’d killed her, choked her to death, judging by the red and purple marks across her neck.

Kylo released me, knowing I had nowhere to run. My mother looked panicked by my return, likely having already put the pieces together regarding Varidun’s demise. Hux turned his attention to me, smiling as if glad to see me safely returned. Although his smile was bordering on a smirk. “Ah, Cora, we were just wondering where you were. You had us all worried,” he said with false concern, “good thing Ren found you.” Hux pulled me closer, grasping my chin hard. His smile faded, replaced with a look of contempt.

“You really thought I’d be stupid enough to not foresee an escape attempt? You thought you could get away from me?” He hissed, “you are mine-“ “Not yet, she’s not,” my mother snapped, cutting Hux off, “you may think you have control over my planet and my people because you outgun us but until the wedding and coronation you are nothing, you are entitled to nothing, least of all my daughter.” Hux released his hold on me, slowly turning to face my mother. She had stepped forward, ignoring the threatening stormtrooper behind her.

“And I suppose it was you who was behind her escape attempt?” Hux asked. My mother scoffed, ready to lie, but Hux cut her off. “I saw the panic in your eyes when Ren brought her in here, you were the one who told her guard to take her through the tunnels,” he continued. “I didn’t even know the tunnels existed.” Hux smirked, seeing through her lie, “if not you then it must have been your husband.” He glanced over at the stormtroopers behind my father and nodded. The troopers forced my father down to his knees, their blasters trained on the back of his head.

“No! Please don’t,” I pleaded. Kylo placed his hand on my shoulder, pulling me back and keeping me still. No matter how much I struggled, he wouldn’t release me. Hux pulled out his own blaster and fired at my mother, hitting her with a fatal shot to the chest. I cried out in anguish as my mother fell to the floor, lifeless. My father watched on helplessly with tears in his eyes, he knew there was nothing he could do or say with Hux turning his wrath on either of us. “And that is what happens to traitors. Have I made my point clear, Cora?” Hux asked.

I was too distraught to speak, unable to take my eyes off my mother. As if enough hadn’t been taken from me today, now these monsters had to take my mother. Annoyed with my silence, Hux stepped closer, now forcing my gaze on him. “Have I made my point clear, Cora?” He repeated, determined to get a response from me. “You’re a monster,” I managed through my tears. “You have no idea.” Hux gave a soft nod to Ren, who released me, and I ran to my mother, cradling her.

My father was also released, coming to console me and mourn his wife. Gently, he pried my arms from my mother so he could properly embrace me, stroking my hair and hushing me in the way only a parent could to their child. This was all my fault, if I had been faster through the tunnels, if I had tried harder to escape, then Kylo never would have found me, and my mother would have been spared. Not only my mother, but perhaps Varidun too. Both of them were gone to protect me. How many more would I lose under the watch of The First Order?

Taglist: @jana-banana-fana​, @kittyofalltrades​, @sweetfictionalworld​

[renrenlady]

Ranking Shaperaverse Songs from Worst to Best Within Their Album

First up:

24- Voodoopunk

Listen. I have listened to every single one of Paul’s albums. I’ve hunted each and every one down and listened to the ones I could get my grubby hands on. I’m very familiar with his work and his musical habits (he has a very particular set of trademarks ie: symbol crash to end a song, repetitive word/lyric use throughout albums to create a through line, etc) but one thing that just does not resonate, does not vibe with me are these very long winded instrumental songs interspersed with singing. I’m a huge lyric person, so I definitely have a bias and it’s not that the music itself is bad, but this song is always gonna be a skip for me. I’m just not gonna sit and listen to pretty much the same thing over and over again, although I would LOVE to see this performed live. I think it would be incredibly fun, but from a listening standpoint, there are much better songs on this album.

23- Edgar Builds a Business

There’s gotta be a worst and best, and unfortunately this lands on the former side of that scale. Despite me absolutely loving Kate coming in with the connective tissue, the central theme of the show (really, all of Paul’s shows if you think about it) “circles never stop themselves” it isn’t enough to get past the extremely repetitiveness of the song. One could make the argument that, because we are heading for a more industrious/business era it’s only natural for the song to be repetitive and maybe even a little boring. One could also argue that because Edgar is such a boring little evil incel bitch, perhaps he’s meant to have such a tedious song. Whatever the case may be, it has a lot of verses, lots of instrumental breaks and it usually also gets a skip, unless I’m listening for lore purposes. I have to admit that the second to last verse where he addresses the issue he has with Silof is my favorite part of the song, it really lets us peak into his head after the break up and is almost the epitome of his evil if not for the last verse/conversation he has with a recently divorced Fay over dinner. (Side note- I absolutely love the headcanon that Silof is Amelia’s father. I don’t know if that’s canon or been made canon, but it’s absolutely delicious and makes DoNA a complete circle with no loose ends.)

22- New Albion 3

The lesser out of the four. While it does tie up some storylines (or ties them up from the perspective of a first time listener) and it does have a humor to it, it’s extremely transitional and it shows. You might be thinking ‘well no shit it’s transitional that’s literally what the song does’ but when I say it shows, I mean that you can just feel Paul really wanted to write this song and be done with it. It falls into the unfortunate section of not being the last one as most of us in the western world are very used to a ‘rule of threes’ way of things. Particularly stories. But I did say it had humor and it ending abruptly with the sentient plant’s story coming to a close is some unexpected humor I enjoyed. (Also is the plant a post human? Did I read that right on the wiki? Is the fucking plant able to control reality? Somebody tell me, please.)

21- The Movement 2

So. The thing is I don’t think I like gen 3 all that much. It’s still interesting and Byron and Amelia are fascinating characters- also Jasper gets to really shine in this act! But it definitely has the more instrumental, bring me to church kind of songs. We get an interesting advancement of understanding the character dynamics with Amelia fully admitting to loving Byron who is never gonna love her back, but it just doesn’t make up for the repetitiveness of this song. Much like New Albion 3, I think this entire act suffers from not being the last to go, it feels very transitional despite it being arguably one of the most important acts due to the founding building blocks of Radio Hour being done within it.

20- The Movement 1

Much of the same critique of the one above this, but I will say what gives it more of an edge is the reestablishment of Edgar’s ‘business theme’ where Byron uses it for campaigning. It’s a bit of musicality that I really enjoy from Paul, connecting the characters through motif and parallelism. Byron hates his dad so god damn much, and yet still employs the same tactics he used when he was a young man looking for a purpose. McAllisters don’t fall too far from their tree huh?

19- Annabel Has a Doll

The origin of Kate’s ‘circles never stop themselves’ motif and it’s haunting beautiful when you go back and listen through. It essentially sets up the theme of every album following the first and is, what I think, the central part of what Paul is trying to convey. I could get into the philosophy behind his work for hours, like make a whole video essay on it but for now- this song. It’s on the lower end due to the fact that even though it is a hilariously frantic and manic bop, it can get really grating after the third verse. Like getting hit by a hammer over and over again with the constant and loud and insistent melody. Like I said, there has to be a worse and best, and I just think there are better songs on this album. Oh also- the beginnings of the Elysium theme? Fucking brilliant.

18- We Bid the 1st Generation Adieu

This is a brilliant way to introduce the concept of time jumping and also not getting too attached to the characters we see. It’s exposition without it feeling like exposition and Kate is always a delight to hear. It’s just that it’s a very short, transitional song and it’s. Yeah. That’s kind of it. We bid adieu to this review and move on to the next.

17- Bonfire of the Dolls

This song is a doozy in the best way possible. The climax of gen 3 and it completely delivers after creating such a delicious amount of tension between the living, the dead, and those who stand in between them. It’s the culmination of a society finally ready to snap and it is displayed so beautifully through a kick ass score that evokes such a frightening kind of emotion. A mixture of fear and pain and loss and somehow, love. Byron calling for Jasper in a desperate attempt at saving the one thing he only truly selfishly cared about gives me chills every time I listen to it. What this song suffers from however is the large amount of instrumentation. Don’t get me wrong, it sounds very good and the way Paul creates the ‘screaming doll’ sounds is so incredibly cool. But this would definitely benefit from having a visual element which is a problem I see across pretty much all the albums. Now that I call it a problem, I feel as though it’s a harsh word to use. I think it’s more like the show doesn’t need such long musical breaks if it’s never going to be staged. Still have the breaks, but perhaps shorten them? My mind can only supply so much imagination before I’m just replaying moments over and over again in my head.

16- The Ballad of the Gambler and the Monk

Full disclaimer I think this song is a fucking bop. I think it’s a certified, fun to sing along to jam. I love how this is the interlude of the story, reminding us of how exactly we got to this point of societal collapse by showing us how everyone was doomed from the start essentially. The music too has this old, nostalgic feeling to it which makes you feel like you’re being transported back to somewhere else, away from the chaos and the death and relentless evolution of New Albion. The only issue I have with this number is that for most of it, we already know the story due to it being explained to us. The opening lines of this show are telling us the story of the gambler and the monk. They only go more into detail about what happened at the end of the game, introducing us to the concept of reincarnation with incredible subtlety, but I really wish we had gotten more of a glimpse into just who these two were, and more importantly, who they were to each other. Now that’s a big wish considering it might’ve been difficult to have some establishment for these characters before Paul knew he was going to make Janissury, but some more detail to an already known story would’ve been nice considering a whole song was dedicated to it.

15- Edgar Gets His Heart Broken

Oh Edgar. Edgar you silly stupid bitch. You silly stupid bitch baby boy. Your song is objectively hilarious to listen to and I enjoy hearing your heart get broken every time. Although his incel anger does backfire on…well, New Albion for the rest of its existence, it was pretty funny watching it happen in a musical number. Lime pie//dying inside? Instant classic. Also the origin of the ‘one day you will learn’ theme and it’s honestly one of the best motifs Paul has ever written. It’s a perfect reprisal line and can be interpreted in so many ways, it just open to possibility. I don’t really have any critique for this one, it’s a concise and well paced story that gives us exactly what we need to know about gen 2 and it’s a bop. There are just better songs that come before this.

14- Annabel Raises the Dead

God damn does this song kick. These cats are cookin. When that piano/xylophone/I don’t even know what fuckin instrument barrels in with that tight ass arpeggio. The instrumentation is gorgeous, it’s evocative as all hell with its frantic nature and atmospheric sounds. The sole reason this isn’t further down on the list, is because I have this (most likely) singular issue with the actual notes themselves. Specifically the notes Annabel sings. Now, we’ve heard Laura Osnes sing, and I mean sing but what I can’t figure out is why despite everything being so incredibly frantic and high energy, are the notes she singing fall so…flat? And I don’t mean flat as in pitch I mean flat as in it just doesn’t match the energy. Annabel is a mad isolated scientist, why wouldn’t her melody line be an insane roller coaster? Why does it continue on in this sort of monotone way? It does get better at the end, with the bridge giving us insight into what the actual fuck is going on. But overall it leaves me wanting more in regards to a dynamic musical experience. Annabel’s part in the song holds the whole thing back with its sort of awkward melody where she’s singing these low, honestly uninteresting notes when the music is kicking all kinds of ass. Love this song, but I wish it was different.

13- Fay Considers Edgar's Proposal

Get his ASS Fay, make him eat shit. With his own musical motif of course. This song gives me chills when I listen to it, never a skip. For this entire time Fay has been living outside the main narrative, the sole reason why our easily corrupted protagonist gets…well, corrupted. To many, some may resent Fay in the beginning of gen 2 due to her somewhat vague couple sentences of break up. We have no context for how she feels or what her motivations are besides finding someone in a better financial/status position in life- but then this song comes on. Then we understand Fay really and truly did love Edgar. Filled with school-girlish, young love, Fay was head over heels. She fell in love with a young man who was most likely just as much in love with her. And during this song, Fay no longer sees that young man anymore. She feels betrayed, wondering how exactly she became a piece in Edgar McAllistair’s game of business and commerce. Wondering where the young man went and when he got shot out the back and replaced with the miserly and revenge ridden capitalist sitting before her, having taken everything from her. And then to top it all off with offering her late father? Her explosive ending is a stroke of genius and my only complaint is that this song is too short.

12- New Albion 4

This is the first instance of us hearing a more dieselpunk sound, the roots of Radio Hour beginning to grow into the cobbled ground of New Albion. It is haunting to listen to the second time around and frightening the first. Times are changing and by the sounds of it, for the worst it seems. Kate introduces us to a new kind of city and paints a very geometric and drab image in my mind where a dark cloud looms over a frightened and paranoid people. We are introduced to Soldier 7285 and the origin of one of the slappiest songs Paul has ever written, ‘the day we come’ motif. It is evocative of Javert from Les Mis, a solid and clear cutting tune that constantly comes in like a thick wall, impenetrable. You can basically hear the brainwashing going on and it’s honestly a great example of police/authority indoctrination. The words are empowering 7285, making him feel like he is justice, he is an important extension of the law and the law is just. It is unwavering. It’s an incredible piece of music and it was really difficult to decide to put it at twelve.

11- We Bid You All Adieu

There’s something about this number that breaks my heart in the best way possible. Like the way you felt when the children accidentally left Narnia or seeing Frodo Saul away to the Lands of the Undying. There’s still more story to be had, peoples lives still go on, but we are no longer viewers. The characters will live on as will we and…that’s that. The song is a perfect button finish to the mad and frightening escapades of the McAllistair family, bringing us not a sense of closure but drawing us in even more as to wonder what happens next in and to New Albion. I love the way it makes me feel, the only reason it falls here, just short of the top ten is because at this point we have heard this musical refrain many, many times and while that isn’t necessarily bad, repetition isn’t always the best choice, though perhaps in Paul’s case, the easiest when creating a new show every year.

10- The Suicide

Coming in at number ten we have our girl Amelia signing out! I have very similar thoughts to this as I did with Fay, getting the context of Amelia’s life is extremely heartbreaking. Also the discordant, chaotically violent way Paul displays abuse from a father is unfortunately accurate and phenomenal. Every time I listen I get so incredibly uncomfortable and displaced when that part comes and that to me is what makes this song a success. And then the twistingly sad nature of Elysium getting a reprise through Amelia’s epic goodbye to life just ties the whole thing together so neatly. Amelia is also a huge perpetrator, much like my blorbo Annabel in creating a chain reaction of events that will eventually lead to some crazy ass shit. I admire what this song contains and what it does.

9- New Albion 2

Full disclaimer, I love all of Kate’s parts and solos. I adore this one because of the charm we still have with this narration convention as well as development of the background characters! I want to hear more about the two women, the albatross Simon and the brilliant mouse Sam! It gives the city so much more life whereas the first one is an intro to help us build the world and the others lose a bit of charm after a while. This one I think is the most fun and I really enjoy listening for what are essentially clues/future callbacks for the future albums.

8- Priscilla Contemplates

I had no idea what Miss Priscilla was saying the first time around and if I didn’t take the time and effort to really listen to the words, this song probably would’ve been in the twenties. But after thinking it through and really tasting the words, I think this is one of the best poetically written songs Paul has ever wrote. It’s gorgeous in writing, describing such an odd and strange feeling from a girl who is living such an odd and strange life. And the way it ends with the phone call? Chills. Can you imagine being Jasper in that moment? This is a scene I would kill to see staged because of just how raw it can be. Priscilla is the best of the McAllistairs- as though reincarnation finally got it right this time.

7- The Day They Come

Not a ton to say about this one other than the fact that the rising panic is kick fucking ass to listen to. The way the music portrays Jasper and Priscilla arguing yet still desperately trying to be quiet. The inevitable way Soldier and the others are proudly and dutifully singing their vows. It’s short but it’s a riot, also RIP Byron and his trophy wife I’m pretty sure they die in this one if not died way before.

6- The Old Trunk in the Attic

I don’t know what the wide, general opinion is of this particular song but it, to me, absolutely belongs in the top ten. It’s strength is that it completely stands out from the rest of the discography. When Paul takes that moment to just create music from poetry, evoke feelings from us that we’ve never felt before. The delicate way the melody and instruments are done, the nostalgic yet unfamiliar list of items we all have a collective (but not real) memories of seeing going through our relatives belongings before. It’s what is a great representation of what makes the Shaperaverse so special. Just these moments of singularity, of importance when to the characters it’s just a Tuesday night. There’s so much gravity in this one song, I think we all forget just how much the rest of the discography relies on this specific moment- save of course for Annabel’s breakthrough. It’s beautifully sung by Kate and I put it on loop all the time.

5- Annabel's Lament

Humanizing our mad scientist with a ‘where did it all go wrong/how did I get here’ song is brilliant. One could argue it’s a verse too long, but to that I say the word ‘opera’ is in ‘pulp opera’ which is how Paul describes his works so. Yeah it sounds like a verse too long cause it’s opera. Anyway Annabel, like the logical thinker she is, lays the map of her life bare as she is finally ready to face the grotesque music she has composed entirely for herself. She’s trying to find the source, the answer as to why, why she cannot seem to escape this deep pit of loneliness she has been stuck in ever since her father set the high expectation of ‘be a success, then you’ll be happy’. And y’know what the crazy part is? I don’t even think she really figures it out in the end! Isn’t that wild? Yes she sets Jasper free because she loves him and on some level realizes his suffering- but the main reason she lets him go is because HE was supposed to be her success and, confoundingly, she still. Isn’t. Happy. Annabel doesn’t understand why this didn’t solve all her problems, why despite having worked for years and years, pushing everyone and every opportunity for social interaction away she still can’t get what she wants and this is the beauty of Paul Shapera’s works, but especially highlighted in his first. Annabel is trapped in a cycle, a circle. And the great tragedy is that she is the first act- there was no way her story was going to end happy. Instead she begins (or if you think about it, just another in a long line) a curse which takes four generations for her lineage to break. But the greatest tragedy of them all is that Annabel didn’t just curse her family tree, but the entirety of New Albion as well. Or perhaps- it was already cursed from its conception? I could keep going about Annabel and her lament, but overall this song feeds the story and lore part of my brain that is never satiated and the music has the intensity that I was looking for in Annabel Raises the Dead. It builds and builds until Annabel is screaming at an inanimate object, tragically missing the point of her own sad story as her ax flies.

4- New Albion 1

Where it all begins. The set dressing done in this song is brilliant in two ways. The first being that as just a listener, it’s like a pop-up book is opening and unfolding in your brain. Like a DM just before the beginning of a long, long campaign setting up the most intricate and alive world you’ve ever had the pleasure of stepping into. This is how musicals should be (something I’ve noticed is that immersion is distinctly lacking in modern day mainstream shows) where they entice you, guide you into a story before plopping you right down into the action. It’s exciting to hear what’s around every corner of this intensely strange city. The second is that when this is staged, despite imagination not being all that necessary, it is as though Kate is conducting the city to come to life herself. Set pieces gliding in from stage right, the one eyed red haired dwarf strolling onto stage tossing a pair of silver dice in the air, the city itself rising as Kate builds upon it. New Albion 1 works because it is not complicated, it tells you things as they are because what they are is already a wonder to imagine or see. And the continuous line of ‘and Annabel McAlistair is raising up the dead’? Brilliant intrigue, instantly letting us in on the score. More stories should try this method, after all why do people like Hamilton or Hadestown or Heathers or Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 so much? Their intros lay it out and we get to sit back and enjoy the spread. Also of course, this is the origin of the New Albion theme, the one all the narrators use. It’s just beautifully simple and strange and it makes me emotional whenever I hear it across the albums. Even when I’m all the way in the future, watching Jane fight for her life and Han Mi struggle with creating her own narrative, I hear that familiar tune and think about where it all began, with a sad lonely blorbo trying to bring back to life her own blorbo.

3- Priscilla and Jasper Play Cards

This song is disgustingly good. It’s a final act showdown, an earned epic moment in the narrative. Finally everything that has happened in this fucked up city is reaching a head in Byron McAlistair’s basement of all places and it is beautiful on delivery. The reprise of so many important motifs, my favorite being Jasper saying ‘be my angel’- the chills I get every time I hear him use that line is outrageous. Now I’m not sure who is right, but my interpretation of Jaspers line in that moment is that he’s asking Soldier to be his ‘angel’ by shooting him and finally, y’know, letting this man fucking die. But then I saw someone else say Jasper is saying this to Priscilla, begging her not to do this for him as he has finally accepted being alive again and doesn’t want her to die due to finally loving a McAlistair. Whatever the interpretation, canonical or not, it is a rip out your heart kind of moment. Sacrifice, duty and love all culminating to finally end the cycle of madness started so long ago in an epic trio of fantastic vocals. And when Priscilla finally can hear the music, the message Kate has been trying to get through, it’s breathtaking. You have to wonder how Kate feels when this happens, when she’s actually listened to. And just when you think it’s over…

2- I Will Bring You Down

…A new hero starts the cycle anew. This song is so fucking dramatic, so very end of an action movie sounding song and yet it works. It works because this is a relatively new character who is now able to think for himself, not just rehash the creed which will haunt this city for generations to come. And his thoughts (the music) sound incredibly unique to everyone else and that is a sign of so much care and attention from Paul. It’s a call to action, a sign of a new age coming whether the city and its people want it or not. It’s the beginning of a new story placed squarely as this shows finale. Finally, when the dust settles it is not a McAlistair who ends the tail in triumph, but a random soldier who kicks of another set of events. Circles really do never stop themselves.

1- Elysian Night

It’s hard for me to express what I feel when I listen to Elysian Night. Usually when I’m talking to people about it I end up struggling and stuttering and start spouting about something ephemeral leaving the person I’m talking to trying to decipher my words. What can one say about Elysian Night that isn’t already felt when you listen? Much like The Old Trunk in the Attic, it stands out amongst the rest of Paul’s works while somehow being the golden center of the sewn together quilt. It’s honest, it’s raw. It’s all the thoughts Jasper has been desperately trying to say after three generations of living. Picking apart other songs on the radio just to craft this one that will hopefully (tragically and inevitably fly over peoples heads) send the message about how he and every other doll in the city has been robbed of something that can barely be described. How do you not love this song? How do you not feel every emotion Jasper has raging on inside the machine that is his body? It’s close to one of the best songs Paul has ever written and I’m grateful to be alive in the time I am to be able to listen.

Thank you so much for reading if you’ve gotten this far! I’ll probably do another one for Radio Hour as it is my favorite of all the albums and we’ll see where this all goes. If you have any questions or would like to share your own opinion about the songs or have a bone to pick with me about the order they fall into, feel free to send me an ask or use the comments on this post. I never really get to talk about the Shaperaverse with people in real life and despite the discord community being amazing a full of incredible people, I find it hard to interact so I lurk most of the time. Thanks again for reading and happy listening!

[hisui-cotton]

It’s interesting to see how long fashion can last beyond it’s presentation. It’s not uncommon to see styles or trends come back around but another aspect of it within media is how integral it can be to the show’s image. When you think of a character, you think of how they dress too. Good costume design can bring a full image together or reflect a new side of someone. Games can implement skins, armor, and character customization to express new sides of a character or allow players to create looks that directly reflect the outfit’s origins. Today though I want to talk about 2 shows, One Piece Live Action and Buffy. I'd like to ruminate about some of the outfits I loved and how the outfits added to the shows unique and iconic imagery not by being just stylish but relevant to characterization of these already iconic characters.

My favorite two outfits from the One Piece Live Action were Nami and Luffy’s Baratie outfits. I feel like Nami’s was both poppy and cute, a Pink top and Orange pleated skirt, in the realm of party wear whereas some of her other outfits were more obviously for comfort on the sea or in combat. The way Emily Rudd wore it was also very confident which I feel is important for the character. Part of what I think makes Nami’s strength and so great is her own confidence and will, where she will confidently take the action she believes. Likewise Luffy’s outfit is a bit more of a modern casual version of his usual outfit but still works for his character. Luffy’s usual clothes are supposed to be ones he happened to have found, where as these feel like some he perhaps got before leaving Syrup Village as they’re much cleaner. The style of them though is still super fun, almost childish, and just similar enough to his usual that you don’t feel a difference in his presentation. Iñaki Godoy has a really energetic and in some ways naïve play of Luffy and so the outfit and the it fits that makes it feel like something Luffy would wear with blue jean overalls and a bright red hooded t-shirt.

For One Piece it’s not too hard to figure out how it can be so distinctly styled. Oda’s art and designs are fairly unique. If you see Luffy’s outfit off of Luffy, it’s still recognizably his outfit. But what was kind of unexpected within the show was that even in other outfits they always felt like something he’d wear. Most of the costumes were adapted from Oda’s Color Walk 1 and 2 but costume designer Diana Cilliers has mentioned that there were costume changes made for function and to better fit the cast in ways. But it’s fun to know that it wasn’t just actors and set designers trying to recognize Oda’s vision for the world but also the costume designers trying to bring more of his work directly into the production.

I think this is a good vision for the show to go by too. Taking the both iconic characters and Oda’s sense of design for them and making it integral to the iconography of live action’s production, recognizing that the clothing and fashion of the world is just as important, is wonderful.

Now you may be wondering how I am transition to Buffy in this or how I even relate these two together. Actually I had seen Buffy a lot when I was younger, my mom and Aunt watched it quite a lot. From time to time they also like to rewatch old shows while doing chores and stuff just as background noise. At the time OPLA came out, my mom happened to be rewatching Buffy and something about how stylish Buffy was stuck with me the same way I was noticing OPLA was really stylish. Thats about how they ended up being compared in my case but something I noticed actually was how both felt like they tried to authentically represent and evolve the characters outfits.

In One Piece where the outfits are more involved with the characters and clothing functionality, Buffy’s feels more about the way it grounds the fantasy of the world in Sunnydale and it’s time. Buffy has returned to the fashion zeitgeist as Y2K fashion has made a some back in many places. Which makes sense with the way the show has a pretty iconic sense of fashion. Buffy and Willow both have the most distinct styles in the show an that definitely left a note on the fashion culture at the time. Within Buffy it’s pretty interesting to note that not all the outfits were bought or pieced from everyday fashion, some were specifically designed and made for the show. A lot of the ones that were bought were also sourced from around LA and it’s surrounding cities, the closest thing to Sunnydale there probably is. In one interview for Paper Magazine Cynthia Bergstrom mentions the brands Ver Wang which was located in Beverly Hills, Mark Wong Nark who had a store on Sunset Blvd and Cynthia Rowley out by the coast and south of LA and Huntington Beach.

Just as much as the show set trends in style, leaving ever iconic looks for characters, it also captured a lot of the actual clothes of the time. Willow’s clothing evolution is probably the one most people recognize across the series. Going from varied, almost hand me down fashion, to an almost casual punk or alternative style. From there it kind of naturally matures into outfits that feel more mature overall. One of my favorites though is from the episode where she meets Tara during a Wicca Group meeting. The episode is HUSH, a well known episode for being one of the more terrifying ones based on the idea of silence and terrors that lurk in that and take advantage of that. Willow’s outfit that I like has probably one of my favorite balances to match her personality and budding interest in this dark power in her. It has this cute cropped pink sweater and jean-patchworked Maxi skirt. It feels like it’s somewhere between the sweet and kind Willow and then the alternative grungy-naturalistic aesthetics of magic. In a lot of interviews it sounds like Willow was one of the easiest to style for and it shows quiet well. Willow always has a developing style all the time but it’s a very natural and understandable one and I love being able to see that.

The other outfit in this show I absolutely LOVE is from another legendary episode, Band Candy. Joyce, Buffy’s mom, and Giles, Buffy’s Mentor, essentially get their brains turned to teen-age from the chocolate sold from the school. Technically all adults who eat the chocolate get affected but we’re focusing on these two because Joyce looks great. Stacy’s mom? NO! Buffy’s mom. She and Giles go on a trek through the chaos that ripples through the town. Giles being the british-punk warlock he is steals a coat she wants from a shop window by tossing a trash can through it. Now when I say Joyce looks great in this episode I mean it’s undeniably one of the best outfits in the series. With suede (?) knee-high boots, a short formfitting skirt and the layered, ankle length jackets, one of which topped with an almost fur like feather collar, on top of a nice pastel V-neck shirt, is one of the most cohesive and timeless outfits seen in the run of the show. Giles’s outfit also fits this episodes' event change where he rolls his t-shirt sleeves up with a plaid shirt tied around his waist and plain jeans. It’s really simple but echos the general look of the younger punk scene Giles likely was a part of in his youth.

What I feel makes Joyce’s outfit stand out as iconic though is how it showcases something that actually people saw in a recent tiktok trend. People were swapping clothes with their parents and it made a lot of their parents look a lot younger. In many ways it showcased how style trends not just across time but across age can be irrelevant because of how the fashion itself is worn. A newer style and a certain level of trends can really affect the way a person’s age can present themself. When Joyce wears this outfit along with her acting younger it feels cohesive. The way she wears it and how it looks together, just like with Nami, Luffy or Willow, plays into the relevant parts of the character. She is teenage brained from a story standpoint but from a visual standpoint it helps to actually showcase that difference by evolving her outfit. Yet it still feels like her, not just because we see her in it but because of what we see in Joyce’s character in the rest of the series. She enjoys art, she jokes with Buffy and her friends a lot, and in being Buffy’s mom has raised her to be confident and fight for herself, even if she hadn’t always known Buffy was the Slayer. There is a deeper character that may not dress the way she does in Band Candy all the time, but has an origin and side to herself that would dress like that.

So when I say Fashion is always relevant, it’s not just a statement on how relevant it can be to a time. Most of what makes it so relevant in storytelling is the character and how believable it can be to see that outfit or costuming applied to said character. In live action series this can add a really thoughtful layer and be used to develop subtle, or overt, storytelling points. So when you find your next favorite show, see how much your impression and idea of the characters comes from how they dress. It might surprise you to see just how much it can change with a few outfit differences.

Anyways I’m no style expert, I just wanted to talk about some cool feelings I had over the fashion in these shows. Above is the full body picture I drew as a nice little doodle of the outfits I talked about here (You can also see part of it in the header for this post). Hope you like it. Here are all my sources and interviews I read to write this up:

Buffy:

One Piece: