but im a 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴... im a weirdo ... or whatever radiohead said
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so because of that song I found earlier, i'm now thinking about younger Dakota talking to an older version of herself. Or vice versa. and the conversation is filled with wonder and "Wow look at me! Look at what I accomplished! Oh, look at me. It's so hard now but it looks like it gets better and I end up okay!" from teeny tiny Dakota.... while the older version of her doesn't have the heart to tell herself:
that she's alive, but her younger sister is dead and there's nothing she can do about it without interfering with her own business. or putting herself at risk for personal vendettas
that as successful as she is, she doesn't know if it was truly worth it now
that she has twice as many regrets now that have kept her up at night
that as wonderful and steady joseph has been, part of her feels so incredibly lonely
that she's convinced that at some point, she'll be assassinated.
that she doesn't know what a normal relationship looks like and probably never will
that even though she enjoys being herself without all the masks she puts on for work, she wonders if she hates herself because she feels like she has to do that to get anywhere
and so, the conversation is so very one-sided, with older Dakota lying through her teeth with such ease. and smiling even though every inch of her feels like curling up in a ball and just sobbing. but she won't. she'll just listen to this messy-haired, normally shy child speak a mile a minute with a smile that has all her teeth.
like how could she ruin that? she wouldn't. she can't. because she knows that it'll happen at some point... so she'll let herself enjoy her youth, as hard as it was. because all she is now is angry and sad and tired underneath all that confidence and attitude and ruthlessness. she has a good life now but it cost so, so much and she's still paying for it.
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you can't post about endeavor I will have to start watching endeavor.
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shoutout to the guy who after unsuccessfully hitting on my sister and being politely declined asked her "is it okay if i ask your brother instead" and when she said yes gave me a long and searching look before sighing and going "no. i am not drunk enough to go for a dude. but you look like an angel" happy bisexual pride to this man and this man only. hope you figure it out soon king
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I also think that all the "um okay knives out & glass onion were good. Wrap it up now" posts are so funny. You're tripping if you think there's not going to be at least five Benoit Blanc films lol
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‘☻’ - regular verse Vega to Astra :) (fatestouch)
“He lets his emotions get the better of him time and time again. He complains up and down about how I'm stubborn or how I don't listen... but he is also stubborn in the must infuriating of ways.” he grumbles, “Everything I do is a slight against him and disagreeing with him is tantamount to insulting him more oft than not. He wonders why I question his judgement even as given me countless reasons to question it.”
free compliments | @fatestouch
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i thought my laptop was on its last leg because it was running at six billion degrees and using 100% disk space* at all times and then i turned off shadows and some other windows effects and it was immediately cured. i just did the same to my roommate's computer and its performance issues were also immediately cured. okay. i guess.
so i guess if you have creaky freezy windows 10/11 try searching "advanced system settings", go to performance settings, and uncheck "show shadows under windows" and anything else you don't want. hope that helps someone else.
*yes sorry i mean usage i posted this before bed :( i do not mean the hard drive is full aaaaghhhh
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i must not get takeout. takeout is the wallet-killer. takeout is the little-death that brings total obliteration. i will face the kitchen, fridge, and pantry. i will make choices about what to cook and then execute them. when hunger is gone there will be nothing. only i will remain.
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