#12-Step Recovery

[only-knives]

it's nice that it took 3-4 months of being out of 12 step (which i was in for over a year) to finally realize what it means for relapse to be part of recovery, instead of a setback.

in the rooms i'd hear "if you're not working on your recovery, you're working on your relapse." and "working on your recovery" meant not just taking care of yourself, but doing the steps, doing service, praying, getting right with God, etc.

it's such a backwards view of things. people don't just stop taking of themselves for no reason, and not everyone is going to find a rigorously spiritual approach conductive.

someone who isn't doing well (mentally, socially, physically, or spiritually) isn't struggling because they're inherently self-centered and turning their back on god. they're struggling because there is something wrong! treating addiction like a flaw in the individual is so fucking harmful!

i just ugh!! we live in a society where people are neglected and abused and otherwise taken advantage of en masse! people are scrambling for scraps, working themselves to death, being left to suffer in traumatic environments, dealing with poverty, living in the ever-present fear of financial ruin!

that is not self-centeredness! that is a core issue in our society that is hurting people. so no! people who use drugs are not the problem. people who struggle in abstinence are not the problem. that kind of logic KILLS PEOPLE. that is part of why some people following a 12 step recovery approach (or deprogramming from one) KILL THEMSELVES. and NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT.

...addicts deserve so much better.

[serenityquest]

[deadandphilgames]

life update o_0

[stomedmotherhood]

If you used to be a heavy drinker & now you just smoke weed! YOURE DOING GREAT

if you used to smoke weed 24/7 and don’t now, but you just have a few beer or drinks every blue moon, YOURE DOING GREAT

if you were a pill head and now on methadone or subs, YOURE DOING GREAT

if you were a down head or a meth head and now you just smoke weed to cope with the side effects those drugs put on ur body for the rest of your life, YOURE DOING GREAT.

If you went cold turkey on everything all at once and never put a single substance in to your body after that, I’m proud of you! You’re doing great!

We are all just doing the best we fucking can!

don’t ever let someone tell your recovery journey isn’t “considered” recovery!

You got this and I am so so proud of you 💕

[mixed-recovery]

[rustybutterknife]

I’M OUT OF REHAB!!!

[tweeker-no-more]

[ableism]

Night time posting hours 🕺 I’ve decided to transition out of 12 step recovery at this point which is an odd thing but I’ve accepted that I’m never going to believe that G-d is responsible for the way my life has changed this year. I’m 10 months out of active addiction and I have everything I have ever desired. I seriously want for nothing, and I can’t attribute that to a Higher Power when that work was done by compassionate peers, my personal support network, and Me. I have problems in my life that can’t be prayed on; faith can’t repair my trauma and mental illness. I can only see myself living in the problem if I keep pursuing 12 step at this juncture. If anything I’ve come to believe in the sublime and fantastic good of humanity. I believe in social work, harm reduction, and peer counseling. But I don’t believe in G-d in a way that fits the description in 12 step. There’s amazing people in those individual communities, I know this first hand, but abuse and harmful conduct is rampant and intentionally ignored. I’ve started getting into SMART recovery which is science and therapeutically based, and soon I’ll be able to start counseling for survivors of sexual assault 🦢 These are tangible things. I need to hold my free will precious to me and keep believing in the infinite holy light that shines through and touches the world through humanity. G-d is other people, nature, love, and another good day sober. I’ll be grateful for what NA did for me, but it can’t take me where I want to go

[warrioroflight5000]

"Under the lash of alcoholism, we are driven to A.A., and there we discover the fatal nature of our situation. Then, and only then, do we become as open-minded to conviction and as willing to listen as the dying can be. We stand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless obsession from us."

- The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pg. 24

[unofficialchronicle]

Am I making the choices I want to make, or is habit making my choices for me? —Al Anon Daily Reader “Courage to Change,” p. 209.

[only-knives]

sincerely fuck 12 step. the 4th step (the moral inventory) is all about looking for your part in the resentments you have against other people/places/things/etc. for my stepwork that meant looking for where i was selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, or displaying any of the 7 deadly sins. my sponsor told me that sometimes our only part in it is that we're "holding on to it."

and so. i went through every traumatic thing that happened to me. TW for abuse & violence (CSA included)

i found ways i was selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, angry, prideful, jealous, or slothful. it also involved me looking for where i wronged people i resented, no matter how much they hurt me. there were 200 entries on my list of resentments. this included my "resentment" against my abusive father. it included my bigotted family.

it also included my aunt, who.. repeatedly violently SA'd me. she potentially made CSAM of me and choked me. i was around 4 or 5 years old. she could have killed me.

the next part of my stepwork, which i was not told about until i got up to it, would have been to do a sex inventory. i asked why i wasn't allowed to know more about it, and my sponsor asked me if i would have done any of this (the program) if i had known what it entailed. i said no.

it hurt, but i figured it was all for my best interest. i thought i was doing what i had to do to heal and recover, that god would save me if i did what they said. that never happened... so i saved me instead.

i did not deserve to be treated that way. i did not deserve to have my trauma history turned into a moral issue. i did not deserve to be manipulated. and i most certainly did not deserve to be led to believe that the 12 steps were my only hope and without them i would drink, which meant certain death.

that's not healing. that's not recovery. that's spiritual abuse and incredibly re-traumatizing. i would rather be high while having compassion for myself, than be sober while hating myself.

abstinence is not required for me to be in recovery. i am in recovery from more than just substances. and i will recover as slowly and messily as i fucking please.

[serenityquest]

[keepitinthebottle]

[mixed-recovery]

[deelitefulrecovery]

Just For Today Narcotics Anonymous recovery bracelet, redline jasper gemstones, garnet gemstones, and silver spacers. sterling silver Lobster clasp

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[tweeker-no-more]