#7 worst books of 2020

[f1version]

26 BIRTHDAY KISSES ★ CL16

pairing: charles leclerc x gf!reader ( she/her )

summary: 26th birthday, 26 pictures of you and Charles kissing. A kiss for each year.

notes: i’m back from my birthday trip!! i wrote this birthday special in like 30 minutes and it’s still charles’ birthday in a couple of places so… i’m not exactly late! enjoy <3

26 KISSES: A GALLERY

By your beautiful girlfriend, in collaboration with a lot of people but mainly Joris and ourselves.

1. DRUNK DANCING: A month after we got together, we were at Arthur’s 18th birthday. We got drunk, singing and dancing to the worst playlist in existence (Lorenzo’s) and, somehow, Arthur got to capture this moment I barely even remember.

Taken by Arthur Leclerc, 2018

2. AUGUST 2019: Summer break, so sweet so loving. You made me promise that if you jumped off first, I would jump too. It took me fifteen minutes to follow after you. Also your kisses were incredibly salty.

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2019

3. THE MONZA INCIDENT: I had red lipstick the night you won in Monza, you told me it looked pretty, I asked you to kiss me, you did. Fast forward 8 minutes it was all smudged over your lips, you were 10 minutes late to the post-race conference, and Sylvia almost banned me that night. (I’m still kind of banned from your driver’s room)

Taken by Charles Leclerc, 2019

4. UNDER THE COVERS: 2020, what a crazy year. This one was taken the day we decided to finish moving in together. You were so excited, wanted everything to be perfect. Today I can say it is.

Taken by Me, 2020

5. WORDS: We were spending Christmas by ourselves, we face-timed our families, had dinner and watched movies. You gifted me three beautiful words I, of course, said back… and we also got a puppy!

Taken by Charles’ phone timer, 2020

6. OCEAN BREZEE: Just a small escapade to take a breath. You were so cuddly that day, Joris was so done with you (he still took the pic though)

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2021

7. CUTE OR HOT: I just wanted a cute morning selfie but, because of you, we ended up in a…promising mood. It was intense that’s all I have to say!

Taken by Me, 2021

8. KISS KISS KISS: 24th birthday, 24 kisses. This kind of became a tradition, let me know if you still want them this year!

Taken by Me, 2021

9. DRUNK AF: How did we got so drunk? Ask Pierre, he was the one hosting. Either way we got another amazing photo of us drunk-kissing!!!

Taken by Pierre Gasly, 2021

10. UNDER THE SEA: I’m just going to say that you and your ‘photo ideas 📸’ folder are attached by the hip. I personally love this one (even if it took half an hour to take)

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2021

11. NEW YORK: Thought you could scape this one? Never! Arthur and I didn’t spend a week listening to your complaining for nothing, babe. You must admit that this kiss was magical, everything was so pretty that day. And then it started snowing!

Taken by Arthur Leclerc, 2021

12. EXPOSED: Remember how our amazing soft launch got ruined by our trip to Ibiza? Well, here it is, the image we couldn’t stop laughing at when it came out, we really thought we were sneaky.

Taken by unknown, 2022

13. HARD LAUNCH: A week later we were kissing on live TV. It’s one of my favorite memories, I couldn’t stop smiling.

Taken by F1 TV, 2022

14. BACK KISSES: Just a picture of the morning after I learned that you can convince anyone, even the CEO of Ferrari, to allow you to leave sponsor events early. I really don’t know if you knew those kisses were there, but I woke up to this, took a picture and then left you with them until we took a shower.

Taken by Me, 2022

15. SPONSORED BY AIRMAX: That time your team forgot to book us a flight and you had to ask Lando to ask Daniel to ask Max if we could go back to Monaco with them. I’ve never seen Max talk so much, Daniel laugh so loud or Lando taking so many pictures. He even asked to take one of us, here it is:

Taken by Lando Norris, 2022

16. SIXTEEN: I bet you thought this one would have something to do with racing. Number 16. Sorry to disappoint but it’s our beautiful puppy…Sixteen! I’m not gonna lie, I still hate you for persuading me into that name. Anyways if you kiss the dog you kiss the mom!!

Taken by Me, 2022

17. 25 KISSES: Again, tell me if you want those 26 kisses this year. Look at us last year!

Taken by Me, 2022

18. NEW YEAR, SAME LOVE: Sometimes the world feels unreal when I’m with you, this was one of those days. I felt in another reality, the world slowed down, it was just you and me. I remember thinking “I fell in love with the right person” and then you kissed me.

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2022

19. BLACK SUIT: Remember when your fans thanked me for your “new” outfits? They repeated it was the girlfriend effect, you couldn’t stop talking about how stylish you are with or without me!

Taken by Me, 2023

20. PHOTOSHOOT: You got Joris to take these shots just because you wanted a new wallpaper. I thought it was silly, until one day all of them were hanging around our home. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Charlie.

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2023

21. FIVE STAR CHEFS: Not much to say, just sorry for being so distracting and thank you for the amazing (stolen from Ferrari) dinner babe!

Taken by Charles’ phone timer, 2023

22. RED LIGHTS: This year’s addition to our drunk-kissing collection. I remember you drowning shots with Carlos and Pierre, asking me to dance with you, absolutely failing at that, and then kissing me. After that there’s blurry ferrari red, giggles and a hot bath.

Taken by Andrea Ferrari, 2023

23. LAZY IN BED: Wonderful lazy days by the ocean, that’s how we spent the summer break. That morning in particular you didn’t want to get up, basically gluing me to bed. We got up at 1pm.

Taken by Me, 2023

24. JUST ONE QUESTION: Can I drive the purosangue now? Please please please

Taken by Me, 2023

20. LOVER: This day I woke up thinking about those dreams we talk about all the time, you even remembered me a couple of them throughout the day. Charlie, I do want to do this for the rest of our lives, never forget it <3

Taken by Arthur Leclerc, 2023

26. TWENTY-SIX: We are just 26 but I hope our story keeps on writing itself. I love you, these have been the happiest 6 years of my life. Happy birthday bébé ❤️

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2023

[intermundia]

in general, i think engaging with star wars from a place of realpolitik and political analysis is a fun thought exercise, especially with the canon and legends lore fleshing out the world a bit beyond lucas's archetypal story. there's a whole swath of authors who have written books and comics for adults that all take the premises of the movies seriously, the work of james luceno jumps to mind, so you can choose to dig into that lore and take it seriously as well.

the politics of the saga are related to but greatly simplified from our reality, and there is much that can be said about the way that the galaxy is designed, from george's viet cong inspired rebellion to his prequels era citizens united and bush era executive overreach. i think it's a mistake to take the jedi's role in government too seriously, as they are kind of a hand-wavy organized militia answerable to the legislative branch (and later executive during the war).

they're both a symbol of how the system works at its best and its worst. under the flourishing galactic republic, they're ideal ambassadors of peacetime diplomacy, whose arrival at a conflict resolves it using negotiation and limited force, before those conflicts sprouted into inter-system military engagement. but under sidious, they're arguably willingly misused to enforce peace on a wider scale, due to sidious's design of breaking the galaxy with a civil war.

i see many, many takes that say that the jedi should not be involved in politics at all, but i really think that's missing the point. you can take how they are being used as like a health test of the body politic, they're an epiphenomenon dependent on the republic as a whole. by the era of the prequels, they were a tool of an age that no longer existed, a more civilized one, where conflict could be resolved locally.

should they not have participated? as george has said many times, they were in a bind. would you act to save civilian lives from an invading army of droids who didn't care for or actively sought collateral damage? could you live with yourself if you had the power to help but did not? it was doomed from the beginning, they were in a trap and about to die, but is it better to fight or run away?

anyway, i got slightly off topic. engaging with star wars politically can be a fun and meaningful exercise, which even academics are not immune from the lure. here are a few articles that i enjoyed reading, if anyone is interested:

Charles, M. B. (2015). Remembering and restoring the republic: Star wars and Rome. Classical World, 108(2), 281–298. https://doi.org/10.1353/clw.2015.0014 (link) Conor Casey & David Kenny (2021): How Liberty Dies in a Galaxy Far, Far Away: Star Wars, Democratic Decay, and Weak Executives, Law & Literature, DOI: 10.1080/1535685X.2021.1991610 (link) Rackaway, C. (2020). Star Wars: The Fascism Awakens: Representation and its Failure from the Weimar Republic to the Galactic Senate. Studies in the Social Sciences, 1(1), 7-22 (link)

have at them and enjoy :)

[peetapiepita]

I usually don't rant on Tumblr about this but man, does Josh have the worst timing ever ALL THE TIME.

First he didn't book a single project in 2020 and pissed off his fandom in early 2021, leaving the entire fanbase in shambles, only to start working like a maniac right after. He then filmed 7 projects with only a handful of fans still following what tf he's up to.

Then Blumhouse and Lionsgate collectively hyped him up on social media because FNaF and TBoSaS are both coming later this year. He finally had people editing his most entertaining and underrated work, aka, Future Man, and it was gaining traction on Tik Tok. And boom, Disney decided to pull old shows off of Hulu because they wanted a tax write-off and didn't want to pay the creators residuals anymore! This means Josh, a producer of Future Man, lost a substantial income that was just coming his way.

Now he has several movies set to come out later this year and early next year, starting from October. And guess what? The SAG might be striking! So he won't be able to do ANY promo work for any of them. This not only means we won't see much of him at all, it also means the box office figures for these projects are going to be affected negatively. He had an effing 3-year break, only to come back in the middle of a strike season. Perfect. Fabulous. He'll just go back to holing up in Madrid soon as if he didn't film 7 movies in 2.5 years.

[crescentpaws]

the character everyone gets wrong

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

worst discord server and why

which ship fans are the most annoying?

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

worst part of canon

worst part of fanon

number of fandom-related words you've filtered

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

worst blorboficiation

that one thing you see in fics all the time

that one thing you see in fanart all the time

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

there should be more of this type of fic/art

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

part of canon you found tedious or boring

part of canon you think is overhyped

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

ship you've unwillingly come around to

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

Answer all of em!!!!

(For KOTLC or any fandom that you really wanna do)

LMAO ok… if you insist ☝️ (dashes are for questions i’ve already answered)

1. -

2. still no comment on this one.

3. idk i can’t rlly remember any awful takes off the top of my head LMAO. haven’t even been here that long so

4. bold of you to assume i remember anyone i block

5. i don’t use rlly discord (wow these answers are so exciting)

6. sokeefe for SURE and i don’t think anyone can disagree with me on this

7. already answered but i need to say it again. KEEFE. maybe i’d like him a bit more if some people didn’t make literally EVERYTHING about him (also if people stopped commenting “this looks like keefe” on my art)

8. once again using this as an opportunity to spread my short haired fintan propaganda. that guy would not be able to maintain long hair. he’d accidentally burn it off or something. also dex is not a cinnamon roll. marella is bisexual, not a lesbian. king dimitar is irrelevant to me and the bit is sometimes annoying. alden is not abusive. fitz is not manipulative. keefe is not mature enough for a relationship with sophie. (+ princess purryfins is the size of a goldfish, not a full-sized cat! vertina is literally only a head, she does not have a body!)

9. -

10. sokeefe vs sophitz. like we’re not getting anywhere by arguing about this why don’t we all just take a deep breath and calm down a bit

actually i guess that’s more the fandom itself ummm idrk i hate how some of y’all demonize characters for the stupidest reasons (just being silly btw don’t take any of this too seriously)

11. -

12. -

13. dex honestly. tam too but personally i’ve seen it happen with dex wayyy more

14. i don’t read fics 😜👍 can’t ever find ones that sound interesting

15. people forgetting to draw the registry pendants 😢 guys give them back their pretty little necklaces

16. -

17. -

18. -

19. honestly no idea… i’ll get back to this one

20. again, the love triangle. also pretty much all of stellarlune LMAO. i swear most of that book was just them talking about stuff they were going to do instead of actually doing it 💀 also shannon was pushing the kenric / oralie agenda way too hard in that book tbh like guys kenric is dead literally nothing can come out of this. it’s irrelevant and i don’t care!!!

21. keefe 😊👍 again. does not deserve all that hype

22. fintan on the other hand….. also the peace summit scene is under appreciated it’s so funny (as well as every other fintan scene tbh)

23. gonna be so real back in 2019/2020 i was a hardcore believer of aroace fintan and i hated pretty much every fintan ship so. old me would be horrified to know what my current favorite ship is. (still basically hate every other fintan ship tho LMAO)

24. once again sokeefe vs sophitz lmao 💀 or honestly just fitz vs keefe. we do not need to be doing this guys.

25. “dex on the cover!” “dex needs more page time!” WRONG! we need more marella page time. we need another marella cover!! we need more fintan page time!!!!!!!!!

[renyen808]

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The TV Show We (and Disney) Needed

Back when I was a child, I had a difficult time reading. In fact, I loathed it. I never understood why we had to read in the first place, it seemed extremely tedious to me. It had gotten so bad to the point where it became obvious that I just did not want to read. It wasn’t until my parents signed me up for this reading thing at my elementary school, where after hours, like dinner time, they would give us a book to read. I wasn’t a fan of this because why the hell would I want to be reading at 7 pm on a Wednesday night? Yes, you read that correctly, a Wednesday! The first session, they made us read a book from an author in Hawai’i. They wrote a children’s book and they made us read it, which I didn’t because it never interested me. So, the next Wednesday comes around and I just expect it to be the same. Just give me my copy of the book that I am never going to read again and I’ll call it a day. But that didn’t happen. For the first time, I actually found a book I was interested in: The Lightning Thief. 

(Credit: Goodreads)

Everything about Percy entrapped me in this mystical world of Greek Gods, monsters, and half-bloods. I was never like this before, reading page after page just to know what happens next. Along with that, since I started reading them when I was twelve, it was a great way to see myself in these different characters, feeling the triumph and betrayal throughout every twist and turn of their adventure.

I read all of Percy Jackson and the Olympians and The Heroes of Olympus throughout my time in school, and also watched the movies, but, while watching the movies, I was disappointed to find that it wasn’t like how I imagined it. They changed aspects of the story that didn’t need changing and in doing so, kinda destroyed the magic that made it so great. Grover was a kind hearted boy and while I like Brandon T. Jackson, I didn’t buy him as Grover. Sure he was a great friend to Percy, but he wasn’t Grover to me. Logan Lerman was the perfect Percy, just the wrong time for him. And do not get me started on Alexandra Daddario as Annabeth, she was the worst offender of the three in my opinion. Them changing every aspect of the story just made me super upset, and do not get me started on that second movie (Love you Blackjack). The point is, as a Percy Jackson fan, we needed better, we deserved it!

(Credit: Wikipedia)

During 2020, I finally got my wish when they announced that the show was greenlit. Everyone around the world rejoiced as we finally got our chance. Once that happened, everyone started to wonder about who would be casted as the titular character. Then, April 2022, Walker Scobell was announced. At this point, I haven’t watched the Adam Project or anything that he has done, but after watching it, I was stunned, I was like, ‘That’s Percy…’ Then, Leah Sava Jeffries and Aryan Simhadri were casted as Annabeth and Grover and the world lit on fire in the community.

(Credit: Polygon)

As a woman of color myself, not African American, but Asian, I was ecstatic to see Jeffries take on Annabeth. I’m the type of person that cares more about if they embody the soul of the character than the appearance. Daddario may have looked like Annabeth, but Jeffries IS Annabeth. There are still portions of the community that cannot wrap their head around that the beloved daughter of Athena is a different race, but I don’t care. It is especially prominent in this Facebook group (yes, I still use Facebook) I am a part of to share my love for Percy Jackson. I try to surround myself with like minded people, and sometimes, a few of the racist ones just come through.

As you can see, I loved the series. From the moment I heard Scobell’s voice, I knew the series was built with so much love. I always felt drawn to Percy, being from Hawai’i, the ocean is special to me. I always found his snark and humor relatable, since I am similar with my friends and family. I also was drawn to Annabeth with her no nonsense attitude, along with being a strong female character. Also, cannot forget Grover, the literal glue of the group. The quest would have gone completely wrong if not for him. Scobell, Jeffries, and Simhadri all played their roles to perfection. They are truly the Golden Trio come to life. 

(Credit: Town and Country Magazine)

I need to also call attention to all the different actors and actresses who played supporting roles throughout the series. Virginia Kull’s masterful performance as Sally, showing just how difficult it can be on the mortal parents of a demigod child. Glynn Turman as the perfect Chiron, showing a sense of care and concern as Percy’s mentor. Jason Mantzoukas’ performance as Mr. D is a standout, with him completely capturing what it means to be the punished director of Camp Half-Blood. Megan Mullally was an amazing Alecto, bringing a sense of fear immediately into Percy’s life. Timm Sharp played an amazing Gabe Ugliano, showcasing a different way that Gabe could be portrayed for an audience today. Adam Copeland, also known as Edge in the WWE, plays Ares, a terrifying force in the book that Copeland captures perfectly. Also want to shout out Nick Boraine, the voice of Kronos, who brings a sinister feel to the series, showing he is the big bad of this story.

(Credit: PopBuzz)

I wanted to make a separate paragraph for the last supporting character: Luke Castellan. Luke is played by Charlie Bushnell, who really sold me as a demigod feeling betrayed by the gods. Just from his acting in Episodes 2 and 8 solidified to me that this is how Luke is. Granted, the confrontation scene is not as sinister as it is in the book, I believe that the TV series did it better, where Annabeth is there in person to see the betrayal happen. I mean, that is literally her brother betraying her, I cannot imagine what she is going through. Bushnell really sold it as Luke honestly, showing he’s an upset demigod who believes the gods have turned their backs on them. He made use of his time on screen, and I cannot wait to see him in future installments as our big bad.

(Credit: IGN)

Overall, this series is what we all deserved! I understand that people are upset that it was not completely faithful to the books, and that is a valid argument, but I will say this: if you want a faithful adaptation, read the books and recreate it in your head. Nothing will ever be a perfect copy of another, not with humans around. I think instead of nitpicking the differences and inconsistencies between the two, we should embrace the changes. Embrace the fact that this was even created in the first place and be grateful for it. Embrace the fact that we have a great TV show, but god forbid they forget about the scorpion that Luke poisons Percy with. The books, movies, the TV show, they’re all interpretations of the same idea, and we all have different thoughts about the idea, that at the end of the day, at least one person will be a hater. Anyway, with millions of views each episode, I’m sure season two is coming, and with that my boy Blackjack!

[echodrops]

The Promises I Made (2023)

Oh man. Oh man.

At the end of last year, I said that I had really struggled through 2022 and hoped that 2023 would be an easier year, but also that I didn't want to count any chickens. Which was... ultimately the right mindset to have, because 2023 was even worse for me than 2022. Between the stressors of work, money, and things just falling apart on me left and right (car is still in need of $3000 worth of work...), I couldn't be more glad that 2023 is over.

Consequently, it was a very bad year for promises. Possibly the worst year I've ever had since I started, actually. Oof, icing on the cake after all the disappointment I dealt with this year.

Still, a tradition is a tradition. Here are the promises I made for this last year!

2023 Promises

1) Work on the Texas house yard. It’s still never really recovered from the frost that killed everything in 2021 and it looks pretty shabby right now.

Status: Broken, mostly. I did have the gardener come and do a lot of trimming as well as take out one dead tree, but still, one dead tree remains, and the tree in the backyard has grown roots so big now that they've exposed a underground wire, so uhhhh... gonna have to deal with that this year...

2) Get both bedroom floors sanded in the Utah house upstairs.

Status: Broken. This just didn't happen. No money. But it really, really needs to happen soon though... Oof...

3) Get the Utah house sprinklers up and working ALL the way for this summer.

Status: Broken. This is the hardest promise on this list, I swear to god. This city in Utah has NO ONE who is willing to work on normal residential sprinklers. Please someone save me.

4) Actually get the back fence fixed up and the greenery back there trimmed and managed.

Status: Broken. Well, one day...

4) Put a new sink/vanity in the downstairs bathroom of the Utah house.

Status: Broken. I sure... made a lot of promises about the Utah house, didn't I... Where did I think all this money would come from...

5) Related to that, lose at least 20 pounds. 2020-2022 was not kind to me and the stress eating was real.

Status: Broken. I didn't gain weight this year but I didn't lose any either. RIP.

6) Take my mom on a road trip to one of the U.S. states that she has not been to before.

Status: Broken. I was busy all summer and we just didn't do this.

7) Get back in touch with the allergy specialist to continue working on my allergy/inflammation issues.

Status: Broken. Yikes, seven in a row without a single kept promise. Anyway, I did want to do this, but again, the surgery they want me to have will take all my insurance and then $2000 out of pocket. It's just... not going to happen...

8) Go through my closets and donate or throw away clothes that I know I will not wear.

Status: KEPT. Oh my god, one I actually did. I ended up donating SO MANY shirts to Goodwill.

9) Finish at least five books this year.

Status: Broken. I finished two I believe. But... maybe the 50+ 100k word fanfics I read this year could count instead?

10) Organize my documents (especially student papers)—my desktop and documents folders give me nightmares just looking at them. 

Status: Broken. Jesus, why am I so allergic to this promise? I think it's been on the list for like three years running now.

11) Help Kacchan through her first semester as a teacher! Exciting!!

Status: According to Kacchan herself, this promise has been kept. Go me.

12) Get a decent paper shredder to shred old mail. 

Status: Kept! I finally got a shredder!!

13) Clean off my back patio/car port area so I can park my car there again.

Status: Broken. Literally there's not that much stuff out there other than my coworker's old bikes she dumped on me. Why have I not done this...

14) Get the Texas house dishwasher fixed… I’m so tired of washing dishes by hand… How do people do this, oof.

Status: Kept! I got a newwww dishwasherrrrrr. I am so happy...

15) 100% complete FF16 babyyyyy!!

Status: Broken. I played it, but did not 100%. Too busy. TvT

16) Talk to an HR rep about my retirement savings so that I can consolidate my retirement accounts. I have been putting this off for like five years now.

Status: Broken. I think this has been on the list for years too. And given the current uncertainty of my workplace, I honestly think at this point I might be better off not asking anyone who works there for any financial advice...

17) Do at least one artwork to actually use that new paint program I bought. 

Status: Broken. Well, I THOUGHT about it. Does that count?

18) Pay my credit debt down by at least $2000. I’m still paying off the hell year but I hope I can make progress on this.

Status: Broken. The hell year of last year became Hell Year 2.0, Economic Boogaloo this year. So many things went wrong and had to be paid for. My wallet is C R Y I N G.

19) Finish making changes to master courses. No more major revisions!

Status: You know what, I'm going to count this as kept, because we're now down to the really specific courses that only one or two professors teach. So, close enough!!

20) See a zone-tailed hawk. This is another rare-but-possible bird for my area.

Status: Kept! Conveniently, one flew over my car one day?? I got only a terrible cellphone photo, but I did see it. Yay!

21) Attend the FFXIV Fanfest in Las Vegas!

Status: Broken. I tried!! But I did not win the lottery for a ticket, so I was not able to go. This one was pretty much out of my hands, though.

22) Update HaaH at least once. Please, Echo???

Status: ...I'm sorry, forgive meeee. OTL

23) Get the small leak fixed in the side bathroom of the Texas house and have the faucets replaced.

Status: Plumbers are... so expensive... Broken.

24) Look into the cost of light housekeeping services to give myself a little more time to do things that aren’t work.

Status: Technically kept... in that I did look into the costs... But ultimately, I chickened out of contacting anyone. I don't know why, but I feel like even if I got a housekeeper, I would be so embarrassed by my house being messy, I would frantically clean it the day before the housekeeper arrived anyway...

25) Catch up with hanging up all the charms/pins I’ve gotten recently on my corkboards; these are just sitting in boxes/bags around the house. D;

Status: Broken. My god, I thought about doing this so many times this year but I just never did it... I even both MORE charms and then didn't hang them.

26) Use Spotify more often or cancel my Spotify Premium subscription; it’s not worth it if I don’t use it.

Status: Kept. I cancelled it when they decided to raise the price. Cancelled Amazon Prime and Netflix this year too. Honestly way too tired of companies raising the prices of subscription services while offering LESS quality than in prior years.

27) Get an art display book to preserve my great grandfather’s artworks.

Status: Kept. They are safeeeee now.

28) Fix the screens on the Texas house.

Status: Broken. Probably for the best I didn't do this though, since the dog developed a habit of scratching at the office WINDOW to be let back into the house...

29) Bird watch at a specific location in Texas. It’s my secret where since I’d rather not share my specific location on social media, but let’s hope I can finally make it to this place!

Status: Kept. I didn't see many birds there though, RIP.

30) Finally get rid of the dirt pile in the front of the Utah house.

Status: Broken. I feel like the dirt pile is getting smaller and smaller over time as erosion takes its natural course, but I didn't really do anything to decrease the pile this year.

31) Sign NeNe (my puppy) up for the intermediate dog training course.

Status: Broken. I thought about this several times, but decided not to in the end. I wasn't massively impressed by the trainer she had for her puppy class, and honestly she's pretty decent at learning things at home anyway.

32) This is super nerdy, but my bro got me the FFXIV cookbook and made me promise to actually use it, so I guess I’d better at least try to make something from it.

Status: Broken. I keep making this promise and continually forget it, over and over.

33) Take down the remains of the wooden fence posts at the Utah house.

Status: Broken. This one I could have done and just... did not do. I'm pretty useless.

34) Take part in the fitness challenge at work this coming semester.

Status: Broken. To be fair to me though, in August I fractured my pelvis and basically couldn't do anything past basic walking all the way until December so I kind of have a semi-reasonable excuse for this one.

35) I will remember to take my medicine on time, all the time. Taking them late is messing things up quite a bit.

Status: Mostly kept. There was a night or two where I did forget, but since I literally require this medicine to live, I can basically immediately tell when I need to take it again, so most nights I do take it on time.

36) Get a stand for the toaster oven in the break room so we can finally use it!

Status: I'm going to count this as kept even though we did not get a new stand. Instead, we rearranged the order of the room to make it possible to fit both the toaster over and the microwave on the same countertop. So the toaster oven can indeed be used now!

37) Get my car detailed because the inside really needs to be vacuumed.

Status: Broken. My god, the car needs this so desperately now. But... money...

38) Go horseback riding on the island. I’ve never ridden on a beach before!

Status: Broken. Nobody really seemed that interested in going with me, and I thought it would be weird to go alone...

39) Eat healthier. Maybe cutting out snacks is too much to ask, but at least replace some average meals with salads, etc. and overall make an effort to actually eat better. Sometimes the fact that I feel like garbage is my own fault.

Status: Broken. The stress eating was extreme this last year. Please save me.

40) Wait, I should probably acquire a Playstation 5 so I can actually play my new copy of FF16, lol.

Status: Kept.

41) Help make sure the new tutoring requirement for the English classes goes over well.

Status: Kept, in that I did the best I could with a very, very weird plan. We immediately abandoned this plan the moment the grant expired anyway, since no one liked what admin had wanted us to do.

42) Finish decorating the main office. I’ll feel better if my workplace reflects the level of professionalism and school spirit that I envisioned it having this year.

Status: Broken, and I'm not going to roll this one over to the next year because I am 100% stepping down from my current administrative position and going back to being a full-time instructor again, so I will not need to decorate the main office anymore! Whoo!

43) Catch every variant of Vivillon in Pokemon Go. I’m currently missing Icy Snow, Marine, Meadow, Monsoon, Ocean, Polar, River, Sandstorm, Savanna, Sun, and Tundra, if anyone would like to be friends!

Status: Broken. I caught some of the ones I was missing but I really didn't play as much Pokemon Go this year. Broken pelvis decreasing walking ability but also just got tired of the game pushing more and more microtransactions, so I kinda took a longggg break.

44) Try to be more comprehensive with giving feedback to students. I’m always good at providing detailed comments on essays, but I’d like to spend more time commenting on smaller assignments too this year.

Status: Broken. Every year I try, every year I feel like I still haven't given enough. Maybe the issue with this promise is that I don't really know what is "enough" for the students compared to what I personally think I should give...

45) Make sure the retirement party for my coworkers who retired this year goes off without a hitch and honors them well.

Status: Kept. Oh, this was so nice and so much fun. It was really great seeing the retiring faculty members so emotional over how much we were able to honor them and their contributions to the school.

46) Take part in more activities on campus; I have a tendency to not attend many events because they’re in the evening when I’m tired, but I should really stay more often.

Status: Kept, though mostly by necessity. I kept constantly getting called in to help on things, even in other departments.

47) Write some Chainsaw Man fanfic for @mistystarshine!

Status: Broken. I'm so sorry, this just did not happen. I wish my work schedule was manageable instead of actually insane. There are so many things I want to write and do for myself, rather than for work...

48) Help my parents tear out the carpet in my old childhood bedroom.

Status: Broken. My mom talked about it a lot, but it never ended up happening.

49) Do something to destress (massage, pedicure, something?) at least once per month. I gotta take better care of myself…

Status: Broken. So broken. I only got more stressed this year. More and more and more and more...

50) I will keep my promises! 

Status: Oof, mostly broken. Next year I'm going to set a reminder for myself so that I remember to check my promises every few weeks or something...

Kept promises: 15

Broken promises: 35

Another year, another chance, I guess. See you all in 2024!

[princessofxianle]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

well THANK YOU for asking, you are the first to!

tbh ive been meaning to do this on my main blog bc I take these wayyy too seriously lol but ANYWAY heres my top 10 faves (in no particular order) that I can think of (tbh theres prob more i forgot about, or i wanted to keep only 1 per fandom... except tgcf)

Huge Spoiler Warning: for ALL of tgcf, 2ha, aot, AND JJK MANGA!!!

1. Feng Xin (tgcf)

do i even need to explain this one? loyal to a fault, just a cute lil puppy, one hell of a sculpted archers back, and he's head over heels in love with Xie Lian (but tbh same) i have a lot of thoughts about him on a daily basis on this blog (and also theres the #fx backstory au tag)

2. Noé Archiviste (the Case Study of Vanitas)

MY BABY

the absolute bestest boy of EVER... with a LOAD of unprocessed trauma (yknow the typical stuff like seeing your childhood bff get decapitated in front of you) and a lot more to come once we find out how he kills his boyfriend best friend, Vanitas...

i ALSO think about him a lot but over on @noes-pillow

3. Sejanus Plinth (The Hunger Games: tbosas)

hated reading as a child... HATED it... picked up the og trilogy when i was 12 and i was a goner. The funny thing is i still hated reading for YEARS up until i picked up the prequel novel then in 2020, and now ive read all of tgcf, 2ha, and more fanfic than i could ever imagine... all because this stupid boy (i love him) chose to trust the WORST person as his friend, rip sejanus my baby

the movie is v good btw, if you havent seen it you should

4. Xie Lian (tgcf)

*Taizi Dianxia Fang Xin Guoshi General Hua Xie Lian*

how this man survived 800 years of being physically unable to die and never went insane is a mystery i will never be able to fully comprehend (aaand im in love with him... hmm i wonder why...)

5. Mihael "Mello" Keehl (Death Note)

the chocolate-addicted blonde boi that was my first anime crush... by proxy I must also add Mail "Matt" Jeevas because they are a package deal

these two are also the reason i started writing fanfic so they will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart

6. Xue Meng - (2ha)

*sigh* he's just everyone's fav peacock (yes technically the image is XM 0.5 but he had a cool ass bird so im using this photo bc its COOL anyway...) mengmeng is another one of my trauma bois who has lost next to everything and yet is STILL kicking ass and taking names #thatsmyfuckingsectleader so proud of you my son

also this might get me into hot water here but imma go ahead and say it...

this is what i wanted Jiang Cheng to be... (i LOVE my angy grape but...) through thick and thin, despite EVERYTHING, and even mo ran fucking abandoning him he will still call mo ran his "ge"...

fgjhdfhfdg THEYRE BROTHERS, OKAY???

7. Howl Pendragon (Howl's Moving Castle)

ok this one i just simply do not need to explain... if you think i do, go watch this whole movie and then there ya go thats your answer...

GENDER

8. River Song (Doctor Who)

aside from being the character that unlocked my unhealthy obsession with :) Main Character Death :) at the ripe ol' age of 8 YEARS (although Will Turner from POTC also helped on that front... Orlando Bloom my beloved) River's story was a stroke of absolute GENIUS from start to finish and i simply love how Alex Kingston played her...

"You don't expect a sunset to admire you back."

I just love the doomed ones, okay...

9. Satoru Gojo (Jujutsu Kaisen)

look... theres *gojo girlies* uwu and then theres GOJO GIRLIES... i couldn't give 2 shits about how he's fan-serviced (tho im not complaining) but have you SEEN the amount of grief pumped into that man? he could explode in a fit of fucking insanity at literally any moment and take the whole goddamn world down with him bc what happened with suguru WASNT FAIR to him and satoru has more than enough power to go apeshit... but he DOESN'T... even after losing so many of his co-sorcerers... he still puts on a brave face to the end in order to protect the childhood of his students even tho his own youth was stolen from him during hidden inventory...

SEE? The DOOMED ones!

10. Levi Ackerman (Attack on Titan)

i read the manga during my last year of uni and when i tell you i SOBBED at the end... yes ofc for obvious reasons, but mostly bc my little Levi loses EVERYTHING. He is the SOLE survivor of the veteran scouts. He's missing multiple fingers, an eye, and the ability to walk. He was the strongest (yowaimo) but wasn't even granted the mercy to die at the end of his narrative! Broke my fucking heart.

BONUS: Morph (Treasure Planet)

he's a morph!!! nuff said <3

fin

[whimsicalmeerkat]

20 questions for fic writers!

Thanks for the tag, @thotpuppy! I've been thinking about this off and on the last couple of days. I really do enjoy this sort of thing, both reading others and making my own. Blank after the cut.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

135. 23 of which are drabbles

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

354,120 total, all since the beginning of 2020

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The big ones are Teen Wolf and Black Jewels., but I also write Perilous Courts and The Hollows, along with some other assorted SFF book fandoms. I have a lot of Men's Hockey RPF fics, but rarely revisit the fandom. Spideypool's another fandom I fell out of at some point.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Tell Me No Lies (Spideypool, 5k. Explicit, grocery store meet-cute)

my heart was connected (Teen Wolf Steterek, 11k. Explicit. fake SO for the holidays that grew legs and ran away with me)

I give hell my worst (Spideypool, 5.5k. Explicit, merman Peter Parker and pirate Wade Wilson)

just give me one thing that I can hold onto (Teen Wolf Sterek, 9k, Explicit, Derek and Stiles keep waking up naked in the woods)

Joke's On You (The Witcher, Emralt, 12k, soulmates get married for Reasons)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond, but sometimes it takes me a while, especially when I have a lot I want to say.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably it kind of vanishes away (Teen Wolf Dargent, 866 words, Explicit, two sad and lonely men getting off together)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I don't know what I would say is the happiest, so I'm going to go with the kitten is happy (Perilous Courts Julien/Whisper, 300 words, Gen) because it's the most unequivocally happy ending I've written in ages.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, I've been pretty fortunate. I've gotten a few shitty comments, but nothing I felt the need to dwell on. Another commenter yelled at someone for one of them once, months after the fact. That made me laugh.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. I don't know what this means by kind, exactly. I write a lot of wall/door sex and work knotting in whenever possible, especially if I can make it accidental.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

As a general rule, no, but I did co-write a Spideypool/Men's Hockey RPF one where Peter Parker was the guy inside the Gritty suit.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Just the one mentioned in #10

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Daemon Sadi/Lucivar Yaslana from Black Jewels

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Black Jewels modern AU of sorts where magic comes back and I strip out all of the gender bullshit

16. What are your writing strengths?

Characterization is my greatest strength, without doubt. I'm also good at writing banter and funny moments during smut.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm really bad at planning ahead or sticking to a plan I've made. I think overall it's worked out in my writing, but it can get me in trouble during the process. Plot in general isn't a major strength for me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've done a curse or two, but in general I avoid it both because I don't speak any other languages and because I don't think there are many good ways to incorporate translations.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically, it's probably the Wheel of Time message board RP I did on Dragonmount in the nineties, but if we're talking about actual fan fiction it's Men's Hockey RPF.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Man, this wasn't easy. I genuinely enjoy my writing and reread my stuff a lot. I'm going to have to go with no words needed (Black Jewels Daemon/Lucivar, 565 words, Explicit, zero dialogue smut with wink kink) because it's different and because I like it more every time I read it.

I'm going to tag @calenlily, @dear-massacre, @mswhich, @pterawaters, and @alondradina, but would love to see anyone else's answers too!

20 questions for fic writers!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

[paladin-n-cleric]

doing a thing, thanks to @michealdearest

50 of random questions. reblog and let people get to know you!!

1. who is your favourite tv show otp? byler

2. what's your favourite colour? don’t have one

3. favourite quote? anne’s fav from awae

4. what's your zodiac sign? scorpio

5. what is your middle name?

6. when is your birthday?

7. what is your love language? maybe physical touch

8. would you rather watch a rom-com or a drama? drama probably

9. three places you want to go to? a beach. italy. a tv set.

10. favourite perfume/scent? freshly baked cookies

11. what’s the last song you listened to? come together — the beatles

12. i'm giving you a plane ticket, where are you going? costa rica

13. chocolate or vanilla? depends on the food.

14. cake or donuts? donuts beat an average cake but carrot cake sounds better rn. and i have it at home :)

15. you can only wear one colour for the rest of your life, what colour is it? maybe red, which would include pink

16. favourite quote from a book?

17. you are in a fight, which tumblr account are you getting to help you? payton aka gay pissy boy mike but she left tumblr

18. cotton candy or ice cream? oooh ice cream i think. it’s broader

19. what's your dream career? actor

20. biggest pet peeves? snoring. jesus

21. describe your style/aesthetic. 2020’s in that it’s a mix of decades and aesthetics

22. what's your favourite thing about yourself? myself

23. what's your favourite day of the week and why? saturday because it’s the first day without stress

24. morning or night person? morning but i don’t actually do anything about it. i stay up late and wake up late

25. tea or coffee? tea

26. you can only read one book for the rest of your life. what book is it?

27. you're stuck in a lift with your favourite tumblr account who is it? hmm maybe @demadogs

28. do you have any siblings?

29. what's your biggest fear? death by being trapped. (buried alive, drowning, etc)

30. what is your favourite word and why? not my fav but i always think of discombobulated

31. you're in a bookstore and you can get any three books you want, what are they?

32. what is your comfort movie/tv show? jane the virgin i think

33. if you had to describe your tumblr with only 5 words what would they be? cinnamon roll with some aggression

34. what celebrity/person in your life do you look up to the most?

35. what's the worst tv show/movie you have watched?

36. what is your favourite/lucky number?

37. favourite flower?

38. what is favourite gemstone?

39. you can dye your hair any colour and it would look good regardless, what colour are you dying it? natural redhead color but NO it wouldn’t look good on my skin. whatever

40. you can go back or forward in time, how far back/foward are you going? either 40 or 120 backwards. at least 100 forwards.

41. it's your last meal, what are you eating? shut up!!!!

42. favourite flavour of ice cream? mint chip idc

43. you can have dinner with one person dead or alive, who would it be? i don’t know!!

44. you can only use one product for the rest of your life, what product is it? conditioner idk

45. favourite time of the day? whenever the sun is rising

46. do you get complimented often? (if not here you go: you're an amazing person ♡) thank you! yeah a bit

47. what languages do you know/want to learn? learning spanish. i want to know spanish, italian, and ASL

48. what's your favourite fruit? mulberries and passion fruit

49. the characters from the last tv show/movie you watched are planning your wedding, who's planning it? grace and frankie

50. nothing. i just wanted to say that ily.

[candikin]

Hi, weren't really in the THSC fandom in 2020? Here's some stuff you may have missed! (Mostly Drama Lol)

(some of this are from 2021... but SSSSH)

1. Henry x Charles Drama

When Fleeing the Complex released, some people were shipping Henry x Ellie. Now going to Completing the Mission, even more people were shipping Henry x Ellie, but there were others who shipped Henry x Charles. For some reason, people started attacking people to shipping them because "Ugh, why ship stickfigures out of all things?". It was very annoying and stupid, and barely anybody attacked Henry x Ellie even though they could fit into most of the points Henry x Charles haters gave

2. Ellie x Dr V Drama

Now I don't know how this started, as I never really cared for Ellie x Dr V, but this ship started getting popular when Henry x Charles drama started to cool down. Many people started attacking people who shipped this because they thought it didn't make sense. To be honest, I agree, but nobody should attack someone for shipping two people who have never met. Plus, most people who shipped Ellie x Dr V at the time did this because they shipped Henry x Charles and didn't want Ellie to be alone

3. Characterization of Terrence Suave

Many people in the fandom who actually started to care for background/side characters started to gravitate towards Terrence, as he is one of the past leaders and is known to be the worst of them all. Many people started portraying him as villain, as many people liked the Toppats but the Toppats... are the main villain of the story. So they needed a new one, which Terrence was perfect for. A lot of people started portraying him as terrible then to pure evil, expect for one thing... some weren't very happy with this. Terrence's bio never stated any actual negative traits about him, expect for the fact that he was reckless. This led to a huge fight, as far as I know it never really stopped, it just cooled down.

4. Charles x Galeforce...

This time I know who actually started it. There was this girl, I won't say her youtube name but I will say it is of a actual person who is dead. She was already in drama for that and a lot of other things, but she also started shipping Charles x Galeforce. She actually got very "popular" for this but was widely hated. Many people started making reaction animations/gacha videos to her content and stated they hated Charles x Galeforce more then anything so people know about her and don't support her. She eventually "apologized" but in reality it was just her saying "Well I don't care about age of consent, they're cute together". I know 100% they are a troll, so do not try to find them

5. The "Player"

A lot of Undertale fans started liking THSC, and thought there was a player controlling Henry Stickmin to do all of these actions. There were quite a few videos (that were basically just gacha) of Henry crying and blaming the player for their actions. Nobody ever explained why they thought there was a player, they just thought there was. For some reason, I have not seen the player since April of 2021

6. Yandere/Insane Charles

I have no idea who made this popular but someone did sometime in October to December of 2020 since I kept seeing it then. But remember those Toppat! Henry x Charles comics/books that were abusive as hell? Well just swap the roles and that's basically what it was. Some comic dubbers dubbed some okay comics that weren't gloriflying yanderes and abuse, but some people made... very horrible content with this idea. I won't go into it but I'll just say it was worse then those Toppat! Henry x Charles comics/books you probably read at least once

7. Ellie's Backstory Fangame Hate Train

There was a fangame for Henry Stickmin named Ellie's backstory. It was about... Ellie and her backstory. It was very short and poorly made, I'll admit. It was made by someone who was clearly new to art and coding, but people instead made fun of them. They insulted the game and starting personally attacking the creator. I don't know where they are now but I hope they are doing well

8. Comic Dub and Writer Burnout

A lot of comic dubbers and comic writers/artists for THSC starting get burnt out in uhhh... I forgot but it happens all the time because of how much work they just did. But THSC fans apparently back then do not think they were humans so they kept pressuring them to make more content. I have nothing to really say about this other then what the hell guys

9. One Very Specific Guy Being Gross

There is one guy on youtube, will not mention the name because I can't remember but I also do not want to find it due to the nasty stuff I'll have to be recommended afterwards. He still exists, I do know though as I have seen him a month ago. He makes weirdly s-xual content with THSC characters (mostly Triple Threat) then markets them for children. He has existed since Completing the Mission came out. One of his most popular videos is about Ellie and the "special" stuff she does on Halloween. If you somehow find him, please report him I beg of you please I don't want to see him ever again

10. Lovely Creators

Though this fandom can be hell, I love it very much. I probably wouldn't be here (legit) if it wasn't for this silly little game and their fans. Remember to support your fandom creators, old or new and do not insult them for their artwork or writing skills like the fandom did to Ellie's Backstory. And just because someone left the fandom, DOESN'T mean you can insult them! Plus every fandom has their errors, so do not hate a whole fandom just because of the past <3

[the-a-archives]

it is you! I am so happy.

your writing was beautiful as I expected. And I loved all details.

delete what isn’t you and rebirth was is you. I can help since I remember a lot of the topics you wrote essays on.

firstly, we can start slow. Update me on how you are now after these years. Clothing change, music change, hobbies, tv shows, BOOK!!!! I remember you read a lot.

I'm so happy as well.

You flatter what is rusty, however, an admirable flaw of yours.

I'm shocked you remember so much after all these years.

I believe a lot has changed since the pandemic, and if you remember how I was in 2019-latest, then I am almost not the same person you knew. But I'll go in order since I'm not good at talking about myself.

Since the pandemic started, I suppose there has been some highs and lows in regards to changes. Mentally, I feel like maybe we've taken a few steps back, but I think that came from paranoia of being in the house (unwillingly) 24/7. The lock-down was very hard on me, since I enjoy things like morning walks, drinking my coffee outside, and other things.

My attitude also took a left turn for quite sometime, and for a while I was quite mean to both myself and others. It became a plague of a habit, and my bitterness was a projection of my own struggling mental illnesses. For a moment of time, I found myself thinking I was 16 and in a not-so-good environment once again, and me defending myself constantly against nothing affected my relationships with many people.

Though, some of the people I had gotten involved with at this time deserved the way I was acting. And I don't think being in their presence helped this temporary philosophy I was fulfilling. Kill or be killed. But starting 2021, I began to attempt this journey on reclaiming myself, except with my horrible memory on who I once was, the journey was abandoned two months in. I then began this phase of pretending to be other people in hopes that it would remind me of who I once was, I invested in music that was a distant memory for me, or music I had no knowledge of at all.

Rock was a big outlet for this, something about the fogginess of my subconscious mind mingled with the disruptiveness of these songs and stimulated me in a way that made going on day-to-day easier. Or at least, distracted me long enough to not dwell on anything too much. I remember delving back into a band named Bayside, and one of their songs sparked fond memories of be bonding with my mother.

Things were steady with this rediscovery of this stimulation. And eventually it bled into all aspects of my life. The way I dressed always seemed to reflect what I was listening to, I even had a period where I walked around in black-washed jeans (worst decision of my life) and a black biker-looking jacket that said the words 'CREATURE' on the back in these big, bold, green letters.

Someone was an edge-lord.

I then moved onto this Machine Gun Kelly phase of my life, I had discovered one of his songs back in 2020 when I was in a (regrettable) romantic relationship with an individual. The song was 'Bloody Valentine' and the familiarity of the pop-rock Travis Baker (his drummer) was known for itched this stimuli I was seeking at the time. I was like a teething baby in these moments, just sticking anything and everything in my mouth to sooth this gnawing yearn of being me again. The MGK phase remained until recently, and I still find myself appreciating his music every few months but I definitely don't seek it 24/7 like I used to.

My nicotine addiction had come back around this time, and I ruined my sobriety of 2 years with a cigarette after breaking up with that unfortunate situation of an individual. I remember the song I had blasted when taking that first smoke too, and the guilt in my chest when I realized what I was doing. The song was 'Actin' Like That', a collab Yungblud had with MGK at the time. I pathetically looped that songs into the hours of the morning during that break-up, and cringe at that to this day.

More recently, as in early-2023, I got sick of being someone I wasn't and attempted to drop the genre all together. But a part of me was comforted by the loudness in my day-to-day, and I soon realized I have created a dependency with music. I now listen to it almost 24/7, and have broken my Spotify wrapped countless time with how many minutes I put into the damn app. But despite my slight-comfort zone with rock, I dove head first into a genre that I knew nothing about and had no previous connections with.

For a minute, I tried rap, took some suggestions here and there and I remember the first person I listened to was Logic... or maybe Eminem. I only knew these two because I remembered you telling me how you listened to them on your daily runs, and how they kept you going. Yeah, I tried it with a song called 'Homicide'. . .

I didn't get far with that.

But recent, recently, I had remembered an artist you loved and decided to look him up. Три дня дождя. And the first song I listened to, I remember I fell in love with. It was Отпускай, and it was the first time I was fully relaxed and soothed by what I was listening to in a while. Granted, at the time I had no idea what this artist was saying, but over time I did research here and there to get a bare-boned understanding. And now, I find myself listening to his music everyday.

When I started listening to his music more, it reminded me of this brief moment we had where we shared music that reminded us of home. You had shared your music, and me not knowing a lick of Russian was so lost. Though, you were the same way, because for a good amount of time, the majority of the music I listened to was either classical or in French.

I remember you trying to sing in French, comedically horrific.

I've began listening to this songs again, and they've filled something within me that other genre's haven't done. But I'm grateful for exploring, because it's shown me an appreciation for what is out there, and it allows me to connect with others at a deeper level. I do have an artist for you however, when you can, you should pick up a modern composer Joshua Kyan Aalampour. He's magnificent, and I feel like you need music like that in your life other than that screamo you listen to (if you still do).

As for clothing, I think I've found my way back into this academic styling? Well, to be clear, I think the trending term for it now is Dark Academic. I find myself gravitating to browns and muted colors, rather than whites and bold colors like I used to. I don't wish to stand out anymore, it attracts unwanted attention and I find myself liking to keep to me and me only. But that doesn't mean I haven't recently given things like friend groups a try, I do remember you trying to convince me they aren't so bad. They're not... but I like choosing who I speak to instead of letting fate decide where we go, but that might be a defense mechanism. I am open to friends, I just get scared.

I have these black boots I wear almost regularly now, and they add a few inches to me, so instead of being 5'2, I am now 5'4! A big accomplishment if you ask me.

But that's still nothing compared to you since you're 6'2, ahah.

As for books, I no longer read fantasy as much as I used to, or Sci-Fi. I think I've outgrown some of those, but I do read a lot of fiction. That's it, just plain old fiction. I find myself reading a lot of Dostoevsky recently, you would be so happy to hear that I'm sure. Though I might be reaching an end to his books soon, I've read most of them. I might move onto Franz Kafka next, but you know me, I have to finish an author at a time.

Though, I do recommend a small literary sci-fi book called 'This Is How You Lose The Time War'. It's a nice sapphic telling, and it is very heart warming and by far one of my most favorite sci-fi romances. I don't really watch TV anymore, the most recent series of a show I've finished is Wednesday (2022). And that was a joy to watch, you know how much I adore The Addams Family. My taste in movies are still the same, horror movies and ones far before this time are still my go-to.

As for hobbies, I still love ice skating. And I enjoy writing, obviously. I might pick up some different sports, but I'm unsure. I don't think this realm of my life has changed much.

Oh! Before I go, I must tell you something that would shock you. I have pierced my face! Yes, I did it even after I said I would never. I have gotten lip piercings, and I do not regret them one bit. No, sir.

I believe you're caught up now!

Lovingly,

A.

[golbrocklovely]

since i have nothing else to post right now…

here’s the last of colby’s tweets from 2020.

i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.

if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol

added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted

~~~~~~~~~~

Oct. 1 - love doing things for myself

Oct. 4 - i’m in so much pain. sos

fan: u ok?

poison oak. everywhere …. everywhere.

Oct. 5 - i like the simple things

Oct. 7 - less is more

Oct. 10 - i wanna make you happy

how am i so busy during the day but still manage to find 2 hours to mindlessly scroll through tik tok? i can’t be the only one

Oct. 14 - i care too much

Oct. 15 - somehow it wasn’t enough

Oct. 18 - fan: I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT COLBY SMELLED LIKE..I WANA KNOW WHAT COLOGNE HE WEARS

mayonnaise

(i hate this man so much lmao)

Oct. 19 - Justin Bieber’s new song made me tear up, that dudes been through so much. no one could even imagine what that’s like.. achieving everything and being in the biggest spotlight at such a young age.

Oct. 20 - @/samgolbach: less than 6 months ago i broke my back. and i decided to take that as a challenge to get healthy again. and today i ran the fastest mile i’ve ever run. so yes, i might be an idiot but i’m a determined idiot 🤘🏼🏃🏼

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 that’s an insane accomplishment ! i remember when it was a struggle to stand up out of bed

new day, same cycle

Oct. 21 - my mom is texting me all the young pictures of me and it’s bringing me memories i didn’t know i had

Oct. 25 - panic attacks late at night are the worst

Nov. 1 - @/colbybrockscar: reminder that it’s no nut November!!! @/ColbyBrock doesn’t even have to try. He’s got this shit in the bag. It probs comes out like baby powder if he tries

did my car just roast me ?

Nov. 4 - this is scary

cuties! all 3 of you! (reply to fan in merch with friend and cat)

Nov. 6 - @/GracynCarr: I can’t believe the audacity of a high school tweet to pop up on my timeline lmao.. miss u tho @/ColbyBrock :)

hope you're well xx

Nov. 8 - so much talent thank youu love (reply to fan's art)

fan: Um. So I tweeted this to you before but alot has also changed since then sooo wanted to say thank you 🖤 🖤 @/ColbyBrock

proud of you, and good luck with your dreams darlin 🖤 you can accomplish anything with the right mindset and hard work. i believe in ya

time flies, and i’m so scared of losing my youth. it’s inevitable i know, but damn makes you wanna cherish every moment you got

Nov. 11 - i hate when nothing is wrong but nothing feels right

Nov. 12 - the person who makes you forget about the rest of the world

Nov. 13 - today marks 6 years since we posted our first YT video on the MAIN S&C account .. 🖤 what a wild ride

Nov. 14 - promise you i’m a good waste of time

Nov. 15 - @/katstuartmusic: “sunday is my funday” - colby brock 2020

🥂💁🏻‍♂️💁🏻‍♂️

fan: Colby u get drunk off of one white claw

fight me

other fan: my money is on mags

round house kicks to the face don’t feel too good

(is it bad that i like when colby gets weirdly violent with us sksksks)

Nov. 16 - the Why Dont We dudes are some of the nicest people in LA

*Nov. 17 - @/gabytriana: It’s out! Sam and Colby were so much fun to work with, and despite what Colby said, I did not hate him when we first met! 😆 Both he and Sam are super kind, smart, generous entertainers who know how to tell a good story! I love them both!! Happy Book Birthday, @/samandcolby

hahaha thank youu so much for all the hard work ! so excited it’s finally here

(interestingly enough, colby didn't delete his tweet… gaby did)

Nov. 19 - went to a Pyschic Reader tonight. my mind is blown. im not a skeptic anymore, video coming tomorrow

fan: Get ready for religious people to freak out

the psychic i talked to was religious, i’m not sure how but i think the two concepts can exist at the same time

Nov. 21 - hard to trust

fan: @/ColbyBrock hey, i love u lots

love you 🖤

Nov. 23 - fan: imagine if @/ColbyBrock responded to this

could you imagine

Nov. 24 - fan: lmao okay so my friend put this together when I FINALLY received Colby's reaper merch yesterday and I had to laugh, I am actually stupid. But I thought it was a lil funny so y'all can see it too then xx

hahahha love it. thank you. you’re not a sack of potatoes in my eyes

Nov. 27 - happy b day @/SamGolbach you know this and imma save the sappy shit for your big 25th bday but i wouldn’t be here without you. you’re the most intelligent, deep thinking dude i’ve ever met and i feel pretty damn lucky to be able to call you a business partner AND best friend

Nov. 28 - take it easy

Nov. 30 - should i hop back on tik tok?

Dec. 2 - @/aaron_doh: At least I got a photo shoot out of it 😄

whaaat. dude i wish you a speedy recovery

Dec. 3 - it’s hard to move on

Dec. 5 - a nice escape is all i need

welp. i guess i’m a lightweight

Dec. 9 - miss you

Dec. 14 - all the baggage that comes with me

Dec. 15 - been workin hard for you , announcement tomorrow

fan: omg are you pregaganant

how'd you know

@/samandcolby: announcement tomorrow… 2021 will be the best year of our lives (and probably most difficult)

fan: are we getting married?? is that why?

yes

i hate how having anxiety makes me nauseous. it’s the worst feeling

Dec. 16 - it’s all about living in the moment and making every. second. count.

fan: yeah @/ColbyBrock how much are you charging for tattoos…

free for you

Dec. 18 - big tool pic but i’ve been workin hard

@/mannymua733: we absolutely do not mind

hahahaha

(god damn… this pic is still so good lol)

also cold weather always makes me want a special someone to spend time with. cuddle buddy is neeeeeded

fan: okay but can we just take a second to appreciate how hard colby’s been working in the gym because dayum

thank you sweeeetheart

fan: HELP COLBY IS TRENDING

yoo i love you guys 🥺

Dec. 20 - got tatted last night and i barely remember

how i feel this morning (pic of him floating)

fan: you’ve seen elf on the shelf… but have you seen cole in a hole? (@/ColbyBrock)

i’m mad i laughed at this

Dec. 23 - why’d ya have to change on me

so bittersweet saying goodbye to my childhood home of 18 years… i’ll only be back to kansas to visit and sleep in hotels from now on. strange feeling, but so happy for my mom and dad for taking a chance and moving

it’s like i don’t have a real “home” anymore. since i move so much anyways it’s hard to find a spot to actually call home

fan: i just want to say that colby has helped me through so much this year. i had a tough year as many others did but you’ve seriously have helped me through so much. i love you so so much @/ColbyBrock

awh that’s why i make videos in the first place. for people like you

Dec. 24 - addicted to you

my mom and i are the weirdest duo on the planet when we’re together i swear

fan: Make a video with her for Christmas

my whole family despises being on camera 💔

Dec. 25 - fan: momma brock is the sweetest ever

she’s my favorite woman in the world

Merry Christmas friends ! 🖤

i wish i could have face tats for like one week but it doesn’t really work like that huh

Dec. 26 - everyone’s battling their own demons

Dec. 28 - fan: Colby drinking wine but he's such a lightweight that he's probably drunk, lmao @/ColbyBrock

🤫🤫🤫

fan: the vibes are fucking ethereal i’m guessing @/ColbyBrock

you got it

[blues-valentine]

The little mermaid was amazing!!! In ur opinion, what are your favorite Disney live actions???

I don’t remember how many Disney live actions there have been and I haven’t watched them all so I will rank some of them from best to worst, giving my personal opinion on them:

The Little Mermaid (2023):

A beautiful adaptation of a classic, captures the magic of the original while feeling updated. You can tell a lot of effort and heart was put into this movie. Halle as Ariel was breathtaking. She feels like an animated princess come to life. Her vocals are show stopping and casting someone that actually sings makes a big difference. The visuals and that tail design were beautiful. The overall cast was also fantastic and the songs feel very theatrical, except for one song, but it’s short and not enough to ruin the movie.

2. Cinderella (2015):

I think it’s a solid adaptation. The few changes are good. It feels boring at times but it’s enjoyable and charming. The overall cast was pretty outstanding and on point. Lily James was a good choice as Cinderella and so was Cate Blanchett, but the reason why it’s so high on this list is because it easily has the best Disney princess dress. That blue dress was just too magical so props to their department.

3. The Lion King (2019):

A bit unpopular but I found it enjoyable. It had beautiful visuals and great design but it lacked some heart. It would’ve benefit from some changes since it feels like the exact same animated version just less magical. However, I don’t think it was that bad and it’s still one of the best Disney animated movies so it was never failing in my book. I just wished it had something more to make it surprising.

Now...after this it gets trickier so bare with me.

4. Maleficent 1 (2017):

This is a huge unpopular opinion but I actually like this movie. Angelina Jolie as Maleficent was one of Disney's best casting choices and she does a fantastic job. She just got that intimidating presence. Elle Fanning wasn’t bad as Aurora. She was sweet and charming. I think the movie does the job and the meaning at the end being more about mother-daughter love than just the love of a prince was great. The sequel was bad but the first one was great.

5. Beauty’s and The Best (2017):

Another unpopular take (or maybe not) but Emma Watson wasn’t a good choice for Belle. It was clearly a stunt casting and wasn't based on the ability to portray the character. I will always have a soft spot for her because of Hermione but she isn't a very good actress. For Belle, she lacked emotion and charisma. The auto tune in her voice was very evident while watching the movie and they needed to hire an actual singer. Emmy Rossum was reportedly in the running so the fact she lost this role is insane. The actor playing Beast was okay. But Gaston and Lefou were the only memorable things of the movie. A big let down was that ugly yellow dress. It made the scene extremely underwhelming. Evermore is a good prince song, second just to Prince Eric with Wild Uncharted Waters.

6. Aladdin (2019)

You see, this movie is very confusing to me and It's not my place to speak on this but I agree that the casting should've focused on arab actresses for Jasmine. Naomi is a great singer but I don't think she should've been casted for this because Arab culture is very important for the world of Aladdin. The actor playing Aladdin wasn't great (and is a nasty person). And he wasn't a singer which lowkey ruined A Whole New World and had Naomi doing all the work. And overall, the movie had great visuals and some interesting changes for Jasmine but it fails to create that extravagant spectacle I associate with the animated film. Will Smith tries to be a good genie but it lacks and I don't know if it was the direction or the script. It had the material to be excellent but just wasn't that. Speechless is a great new song, thought.

7. Mulan (2020)

It breaks my heart this movie was disappointing because Mulan is one of my favorite animated movies but it had a lot of problems. I won’t talk about the cultural inaccuracies because that’s not my place but there’s a lot of videos on that. Sure, the visuals were beautiful but it doesn’t feel like Disney. They gave Mulan super powers which removes the impact of her being an ordinary person doing grand things. They also removed the songs from the movie and Mulan has one of the best Disney soundtracks. They also removed Li Shang because “strong women can’t have love interests”. They should’ve advertised this as a movie about the legend of Fa Mulan, the real thing, and not as a live action of the Disney animated movie version.

8. Cruella (2021)

It was bad. Emma Stone is a great actress but not for this role and the script was not good. Not every villain needs a sob story to justify their actions but I feel this movie didn't even try. It feels like a joke or a bad constructed comedy. But, my biggest pet peeve about this is how bad the fashion is. Cruella is the type of character you can allow yourself to be extravagant and over the top with. In the live action, there's not those huge big fur coats or those elaborated hats, not enough animal print or punk rock. It feels so boring. The 90's gave her better fashion and it didn't have half the budget. The movie was bad, not needed at all.

[nopointic]

it hurts my heart reading all the spoilers from the new BTS book not because they're spoilers, but because of how much sadness the guys went through. i met them in 2020. they could have ended in 2018 or 2019.

if it wasn't for BTS i would be in such a bad place right now.

because of them, specially Namjoon saying "your anger is valid", i left a job i thought i wanted my whole life. i went to this short school to be a medical assistant to work my way up the medical field because i've always wanted to be a doctor as a kid. well i got the cma job and it was awful. my first job at a hospital was bad, so i thought being at a doctor's office would be better. my boss was a raging racist who treated he staff of black workers like shit.

i was listening to Love by Namjoon everyday just letting the vibes heal me. i was so happy getting off work to listen to that particular song. i started to learn korean. i actually googled it and came across this huge youtuber who learned korean on her own and now lives in south korea. she talked about language school and a light bulb went off in my head. i was like, that's an option? this can be more than a hobby of mine to destress? because i love learning and i love learning how to communicate with others.

i quit my medical assistant job and gave up on being a doctor. after nearly over 2 decades of wanting it so bad. i kept getting blocked from it. and today i realized why. because it wasn't meant for me.

i finally understand the phrase "god (higher power of any sort) closes a door to protect you"

i could be tens of thousands of dollars in debt right now if i went to school to be a doctor. hundreds of thousands of dollars in fact. i'm not. i'm debt free at 31. not a lot of 90s babies can say that. and that makes me feel so lucky and grateful.

i suffer severe depression. i thought not getting to go to college was the worst thing that ever happened to me. turns out it was a blessing in disguise.

i now have new goals that make my heart actually happier. all thanks to BTS. to Namjoon's wordplay in Love. his vlog to ARMY about how our feelings and anger matter.

i'm so incredibly grateful for BTS being in my life. they helped me come to terms with the military trauma i suffered being in the usa air force as a teenager. i was just burying it and seeing them have to enlist gave me the courage to process my grief of being 19 and starting my hellish process of getting enlisted.

on good days or reflective days i do think everything happens for a reason. i mean, during my gratitude journaling i smile to myself thinking, all this pain in my life, all that grief, led me to 7 men in BTS and they make me so happy.

i took my first solo vacation to see Yoongi in concert at 31! the most ghetto stadium i s2g on the whole tour list, but i got to go! and i saw Jimin too! like i'm so incredibly proud of myself for traveling from georgia to new jersey by myself. i didn't think i could do it and i did!

i just wish them all the happiness and comfort in the world. they have given me so much! so much! i am forever thankful they stayed together and stayed in this music industry because i got to meet them.

and it's so wild because a lot of our last 10 years crossed at so many points and i'm like, wow, is this fate? was all this meant to be? it's weird sometimes looking back on this last decade. like i have minor ocd, and i avoided purple like the plague. and now? i have purple everything! purple and pink! i'm like, this is huge for me ok. they have just helped me so much.

i love them and i wish them all the love in the world. thank you BTS for making my life so much more filling. y'all gave me a new reason to live. i'm forever thankful.

borahae!

[mariacallous]

The Senate Majority Leader navigated one of the most sweeping legislative sessions in memory—why haven’t voters seemed to notice?

Chuck Schumer did not expect to become the Senate Majority Leader after the 2020 election. The Democrats held forty-eight seats, with two upcoming races in Georgia that he didn’t think the Party would win. Without a Senate majority, he told Joe Biden in the months before the Inauguration, “you’re not going to have a happy time as President.” On the night of January 5, 2021, Schumer watched the Georgia returns in the book-lined living room of his Brooklyn apartment. “Finally, at four in the morning, it becomes clear we won both seats in Georgia,” he told me. “I felt amazing. I can’t sleep, get in the car at 7:30 A.M., drive down to D.C.”

Later that afternoon, as the incoming Majority Leader, he was counting electoral votes on the Senate floor when a policeman rushed over. “He grabs me by the collar. I’ll never forget that, and he says, ‘Senator, we’re in danger, we got to get out of here.’ ” Trump supporters, most of whom had just attended the outgoing President’s speech on the Ellipse, had stormed the Capitol. Schumer exited the chamber and rushed down the hallway. “I was within twenty feet of these bastards,” he told me. “January 5th and January 6th: I call them the best of times, the worst of times.”

Since then, Schumer has presided over an evenly divided Senate, just the fourth such split in U.S. history. “This is the hardest job I’ve ever had,” he told me. A month after the Capitol riot, as Democrats were trying to confirm Biden’s Cabinet secretaries, the Senate held an impeachment trial for Donald Trump. Schumer had wanted it to start in January, as soon as the House sent over the articles, but the outgoing Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, stalled. In the end, all but seven of the Republicans in the chamber voted to acquit Trump, including McConnell, who, according to an account in “This Will Not Pass,” by Jonathan Martin and Alexander Burns, had told his aides, “The Democrats are going to take care of the son of a bitch for us.”

Then the Democrats had to legislate, with zero margin for error. Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema became the faces of a party that always seemed just a few votes shy of delivering on its biggest campaign promises. Nevertheless, Congress passed two major pieces of legislation in its first year in session. One was the American Rescue Plan, a $1.9-trillion relief measure that infused money into local and state governments, financed vaccination programs, aided businesses, and fought child poverty. The other was the $1.2-trillion Infrastructure Investment and Jobs Act, which funded roads and bridges, public transit, improvements to the electrical grid, broadband Internet, and clean-energy initiatives. “The American Rescue Plan, in and of itself, was the most impactful thing a member could do in thirty years,” a senior Senate aide told me. The infrastructure bill, he said, “was the largest infrastructure bill in forty to fifty years.” The successes registered, but only briefly. “We didn’t let each victory breathe,” the aide said. “We went immediately into Build Back Better,” which was the President’s sweeping domestic-policy plan.

That became the crucible for a bitter fight within the Party. In its original form, the Build Back Better Act promised some $3.5 trillion to tackle climate change and invest in an ambitious range of social services, from universal pre-K to child tax credits and paid family leave. Administration officials knew it would have to be pared down. But, in multiple rounds of negotiations, spanning more than a year, Manchin played the role of principled holdout, then spoiler. By the summer of 2022, when the effort to salvage the President’s agenda appeared doomed, Schumer started to achieve a series of legislative breakthroughs on other issues. Between June and August, Congress passed a bipartisan gun-control bill, a major extension of health-care benefits for veterans, and the CHIPS Act, which provides more than fifty billion dollars in subsidies to spur domestic semiconductor production. On August 4th, Michael Bennet, of Colorado, told me, “This might be the most productive ten days that I’ve seen in thirteen years being here.”

Three days later, after an all-night session, the Senate passed an unprecedented reconciliation bill, with the Vice-President casting the tie-breaking vote. The Inflation Reduction Act, as it was called, cut the cost of prescription drugs, expanded health-care subsidies, raised taxes on large corporations, and financed an unprecedented set of tax incentives for green energy. “Did Democrats Just Save Civilization?” Paul Krugman asked in the Times, adding, “This is a very big deal.” Schumer told me, “The whole mood turned around in that second week in August. You felt it everywhere.” Still, even some of the bill’s strongest supporters didn’t expect it to swing the upcoming midterms in their favor. In the hours before the chamber passed the reconciliation bill, Chris Murphy, the Democratic senator from Connecticut, told me, “I’m a believer that this election is going to be much more about choice and personal freedom and Republican radicalism than it is going to be about the reconciliation bill, which is weird because this is the most popular, most comprehensive piece of legislation we passed in a long time.”

Now, a week before the midterms, which tend to punish the President’s party in any year, high inflation and fears of a recession have darkened the picture for Democrats. The Party is almost certain to lose the House majority. The Senate may still be within reach—owing, in part, to a slate of weak Republican candidates. The Times recently reported that many Democratic candidates were not mentioning the Party’s $1.9-trillion economic rescue plan because it “has become fodder for Republicans to attack Democrats over rapidly rising prices, accusing them of overstimulating the economy.” In a number of critical races, candidates have largely avoided touting the Party’s other legislative successes, instead boiling down their components into a series of “kitchen-table” issues, such as the cost of prescription drugs and energy prices. “What we have going for us is what we’ve accomplished, and I think what our views are is much closer to what people believe,” Schumer told me. “What’s going against us is the natural, you know—the sourness in the land.”

When I met Schumer last week, at his apartment in Brooklyn, he was sitting in his socks in his living room, home for a short spell between campaign stops. “Lots of legislation was cooked up right here,” he told me, nodding at our surroundings. He referred to the room as his “little command center.” On one wall was a framed poster from an old F.D.R. campaign. On another, beside a doorway leading into the kitchen, was a poster from the 1928 Presidential campaign of Alfred E. Smith, the New York governor, with the slogan “Honest, Able, Fearless.”

Earlier that afternoon, Schumer had been on the phone with two senators in tight races: Mark Kelly, who is holding onto a narrow lead in Arizona, and Catherine Cortez Masto, who is running about even with her opponent, Adam Laxalt, in Nevada. The Democrats’ hopes to retain control of the Senate hinge on these races, and also two others. In Georgia, Raphael Warnock has struggled to fend off Herschel Walker, whose campaign has been dogged by a series of significant scandals. In Pennsylvania, John Fetterman, the state’s Democratic lieutenant governor, had been leading Mehmet Oz, the television doctor turned Republican challenger, for much of the race. But Fetterman’s weak performance in a recent debate—the result of a stroke he suffered in the spring—has made him vulnerable. If Democrats lose in just two of these states, and the results everywhere else conform to the expectations of the polls, Republicans will retake the majority in the Senate.

Schumer dismisses any suggestion that Democrats’ current troubles stem from ignoring the precarities of the economy. “People say now, ‘Well, maybe you spent too much money,’ ” he said. “We would have had the Great Depression had we not spent it. Obviously, we have to deal with some of the aftereffects, but it was a necessity. And I remember at the moment how vital it was. I had mayors and governors and sheriffs—everyone—calling me and saying, ‘You can’t let us go dry.’ ”

The primary cause of inflation, he went on, was the pandemic and a cascade of problems with the global supply chain. “We’re the people in the various bills that have done stuff about it,” he said. He mentioned a bipartisan bill, the Ocean Shipping Act, designed to reduce supply backlogs, which “got no attention.” A number of other bills—to reform the U.S. Postal Service, to lease weapons to Ukraine—barely made it into the public eye. “When we pass things that have no partisan fighting,” Schumer said, “no one covers it.”

I asked Schumer if it was perhaps wrong to assume that the electorate still responded to policy. “Look, the whole Senate caucus, and much of the country, feels very proud of what we did,” he said. “Now you get into the Sturm und Drang of campaigns, and, obviously, the Republicans tried to attack it. But I gotta tell you this: when everyone predicted that we would have no chance to keep the Senate, the fact that we got these things done means we’re in the ballgame now. And it’s neck and neck. That never would have happened without this. So it did have a very positive effect.”

With midterm voting under way , it’s easy to forget the sense of abject failure that dominated the first half of the summer. On July 14th, Schumer was stuck at home, with COVID, when Manchin informed him that he was abandoning months of conversations on the reconciliation bill. New inflation figures had just been released, showing a nine-per-cent increase over the previous year, giving Manchin a pretext to scrap the talks. “The only thing Manchin would support was a prescription-drug reform and a two-year extension of subsidies for the Affordable Care Act,” another Senate staffer told me. “Chuck was demoralized.”

Four days later, Manchin’s staff got back in touch. “There was a feeling of ‘Oh, God, not again,’ ” according to the staffer. But Schumer was open—“persistent” is the word he uses. “We had many bad turns,” he told me. “Everyone gave up three or four times. Joe Biden gave up!” Schumer and Manchin met secretly in the basement of the U.S. Capitol building and eventually agreed to a round of private talks that became the basis of the Inflation Reduction Act. Schumer takes a historic view of what he managed to do against the odds; he considers this Senate session the “most successful in decades.” “Lyndon Johnson had sixty-some senators,” he told me. “Roosevelt had some seventy-odd senators. Even Obama had fifty-six, fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine.”

Chris Murphy was part of the Democrats’ Senate majority in 2013, when Harry Reid led the caucus. “Reid was running a Senate where regular order still ruled the place,” he told me, in September. “Reid had a more decentralized process. Chuck had a more centralized process.” Several senators and top aides told me that what distinguished Schumer’s leadership style was his adaptability, taking a more active role on big-ticket policies, while letting his members take the lead on other initiatives. This summer, Murphy and Sinema, neither of whom chair a committee nor occupy a leadership post within the caucus, convinced a group of Republicans to back a measure to tighten background checks on gun buyers. During the negotiations, Murphy said, Schumer took his cues from them—at least to a point. “I probably got ninety calls from Schumer in those thirty days,” Murphy told me. “Reid was a brilliant leader. But I wouldn’t have gotten ninety calls.”

In his Brooklyn living room, Schumer offered to show me his “secret weapon.” As he reached for the flip phone in his pocket—“every one of my colleagues has my direct number”—it rang, as though on command. “Off the record,” he told me, but he didn’t get up from his seat to take the call. When he hung up, he looked to one of his aides. “The President will call at six-forty-five,” he said.

Three days later, Biden would be in New York to deliver a speech in a gymnasium at Onondaga Community College, in Syracuse. Schumer, who himself is up for reëlection, would be there, along with Kirsten Gillibrand and Kathy Hochul, whose unexpectedly competitive gubernatorial race has given Democrats further cause for alarm. Earlier in the month, as a result of the passage of the CHIPS Act, the semiconductor company Micron had announced that it would invest as much as a hundred billion dollars throughout the next two decades to build a complex of factories in upstate New York. Construction is set to begin during the following two years, and the plan is expected to generate some fifty thousand jobs and a five-hundred-million-dollar fund to train the local workforce.

Because of Biden’s low approval ratings, the President has been mostly avoiding the campaign trail, so his appearance in Syracuse served as a kind of closing argument. He spoke about union jobs and a renaissance of manufacturing. Micron, Biden said, “was making the largest American investment of its kind ever, ever, ever, in our history.” The U.S. “invented” chips, he continued, but “today we’re down to producing only ten per cent of the world’s chips. . . . We’re turning things way around.” In a thirty-minute speech, he frequently used the phrase “not hyperbole” to underline the figures he rattled off—on job creation, infrastructure investment, and low unemployment. It was impossible not to feel a sense of strain. He could lambaste MAGA Republicans and decry the profiteering of oil companies, but was there any way to get the positive message to register?

The district in which the event was held is represented by John Katko, a retiring moderate Republican, who voted to impeach Trump last year. In 2020, Biden won the district by nine points, Katko by ten. The Republican on the ticket this year is calling for Biden’s impeachment. Earlier that day, when Biden arrived at the Syracuse airport, Schumer met him on the tarmac to share an update on the Senate races. A hot microphone picked up what he’d said. “It looks like the debate didn’t hurt us too much in Pennsylvania, as of today,” Schumer told Biden. “So that’s good.” He continued, “I think we’re picking up steam in Nevada,” adding, “The state where we’re going downhill is Georgia. It’s hard to believe that they will go for Herschel Walker.”

When we spoke in Schumer’s apartment, a consensus seemed to be solidifying among the pollsters and prognosticators that November 8th would be a grim day for the Democrats. The Majority Leader didn’t bother to argue the point. Last year, in an obscure deal, a Chicago businessman made one of the largest donations ever to a political nonprofit—$1.6 billion to a group called the Marble Freedom Trust, run by the conservative activist Leonard Leo. The sum, which isn’t taxable, was more than all of the money spent in 2020 by the fifteen most politically active Democratic-leaning nonprofits, according to a Times analysis. “That has set us back, because in the last month they’ve just poured money into this,” Schumer told me. “We’re in a difficult situation.” At another point in our conversation, he said, “I think we’ve done the very best we can. I don’t have any regrets about that.” He added, “I live with the stress.” ♦

[feverinfeveroutfic]

why it seems like i've been going slower lately

been meaning to elaborate on this but... eh, what're you going to do. i've been writing since i was a kid: literally, i wrote my first short story when i was six years old (so i am as old as time itself in comparison to this site). there are troughs and peaks with anything and everything that comes out of me, and writing is no exception. 2023 has been exhibit a of a trough for me (which was kind of my worry as 2022 was ending, like i’m going to have to hit the brakes at some point) and there’s a few reasons.

i'm not an alcoholic, but i come from a family that's been stricken by alcoholism and addiction. my dad's been in recovery nearly 10 years as of writing, and my mom hasn't used anything in about 7 years. though i don't have "the disease" (and the taste of alcohol makes me urp as well), i do have some inflictions of it: i get obsessed with things easily and i tend to put a lot of energy into something that i'm really obsessed with it, be it a book or a crush. writing has allow me to explore myself and what i love, as well as be an escape from the skeletons in my closet. at this point, it's sort of lost its luster. if i walk away from my laptop for a day or two, i come back refreshed, like i’m not dreading it or hating it.

with testament, anything alex touches, and the less-popular corners of the bay area, i'm always excited, which has never happened to me before in all my fannish ways, not even when i was hanging out with soundgarden and the grunge scene as they kind of me hanging in 2016. metallica wore me out after a while (though i'm still very much a fan and lars is still my dark knight) and anthrax gave me that totally lovely drama from the back half of 2020, even though i'm still more than happy to write about them and about joey in particular. however this comes with a price: i'm getting pulled in different directions. i've got my wips and tbh, i'm in no hurry to finish them, especially now that we have an income now after going most of the year without one and nearly losing our house as a result. it's for this reason i've often wondered if i have a.d.h.d. or if i'm neurodivergent. i like novelty. i like surprises. i like to be kept on my toes.

i have a long history with mental illness, financial trouble, and weight problems, as well as often extreme discomfort with my sexuality. at 18 years old, i was almost homeless. at 19 years old, i was suicidal and my eating disorder was at its worst. at 20 years old, i was suffering from extreme anxiety to the point it would keep me awake at night. this past summer, i was so worried about our losing the house, that i thought i was going to have a mental breakdown. also this past summer, at my heaviest weight ever of 268 pounds, i was starting to have problems with my circulation and my blood pressure. though i'm steadily getting healthier, and as of writing (11/21/23), i've lost nearly 50 pounds since july, i won't fully parse into it, but the one bugaboo that keeps haranguing me (and often to the point of wanting to rip myself apart) is my sexuality. look no further than this year's kinktober: i had to end it a little after halfway because i was getting humiliated. i would post for the day and no one on ao3 would read it... but oh, they would flock in droves to other writers who either can’t write worth shit (sorry, but someone needs to say it) or the kink involved either doesn't feel like kink because it's so commonplace or it just doesn't hit right, like it's not hot at all. it's like it's hot for the sake of being hot. plus, i literally hate the second person perspective now, the ____ x reader trope; speaking of commonplace. i remember doing a couple of those when i returned to fic, but it was back when it was fresh and unusual back in 2018 and 2019: now it seems like it's every other fic in existence. it's lonely as hell on my end, especially when you get a wide array of kinks involved. and it's unoriginal, too, like there's no creativity to be found whatsoever.

so, it's not the popularity of the trope that gets me: it's the fact that it's never written correctly and it's so one-note now, and more often than not, i just think, "god, why not just invent an original character?" i can literally put up with kinks i don't like unless it's written well, and this is never the case now. and it's so weird because ao3 has no algorithm and yet people treat it as such. when you share a kink with the world, the expectation is to have others step out of the shadows and relate to it and that's how you normalize it and get comfortable with it... at least that's how it works for me. so, that wasn't happening with kinktober this year and as a result, i took it out on myself (i got some serious beef with the metallica fandom again, too: "just when i thought i was out, they pull me right back in"). i started to question my future in any kind of writing now, because it seems like in 2023, original fiction is just fanfiction with the serial numbers filed off: yeah, so much for sharing originals anymore. is it even worth it in fic when i feel like such an island? *i mention mental health and weight because the three—should, anyways—go in sync with each other. in general, as i'm losing weight, my anxiety is disappearing, but mention anything sexual and it comes roaring right back again. i'm trying to make peace with the three. when you lose a ton of weight like i have—and i think i’m gonna keep going with it, too, my waist-to-hip and waist-to-height ratios are still high, plus i feel better after a good workout—it not only changes you physically but emotionally and mentally. there’s a lot of adjustment that goes into all of this.

i have other things i like to do. i'm an artist (say no to ai, please, i beg you: you're killing me here). with my weight loss, i have rediscovered my athletic ways. recently, i got into baking and cooking: don't know if i want to bother with pastry school or any kind of school in the future, especially with how much i really dislike our education system here in the states, but i'm into making bread and sweet stuff among other things, though.

baking is, i wouldn't say it's time consuming but it definitely takes time, especially if you're making bread: you have to make the dough, and you have to knead it enough to where it's smooth and elastic, and then you have to let it rest or "prove" for a couple of hours depending on the flour you use (4 hours, if it’s rye flour or oats or barley; overnight with spelt), and then you have to knock the air out of it and shape it and let it prove a second time for an hour or 90 minutes, and you really only bake it for a short time, like 25 minutes. i like to set aside a whole afternoon to make a loaf of bread or a cake or something. plus, the internet as a whole has gotten increasingly anti-art and treats everything as “content” rather than human expression and as just another trend (i give “free palestine” another couple of months maybe before the uneducated masses move onto the next trendy thing and the conflict over there persists because none of you “activists” are truly activists). corollary of this: no more quarantine. all the time in the world, yeah, i got quick and i was updating all the time. quarantine ended with the irreversible damage done to the world, i had to adapt.

i also just tend to write more when i go slower? i wrote that one shot from back in may, "porcelain" over the course of a few days and it clocked in at more than 8k. i wrote that merman!alex story last year over a few days and that came out at over 9k. i'm speaking as someone who participated in nanowrimo from 2018-2021 and then again this year (i sat out last year because i didn't feel like it): i write more, and i feel like i write better when i don't write every day now.

i’ve always been miss independent, anyway. it’s my strongpoint and my curse. writing, along with art, is a very lonely craft. even i, someone who enjoys her alone time, still get lonely at times.

i live in a cultural desert here in the california mountains. a piss poor art scene, there’s no music here (at least not anymore), the theater scene here comes and goes, and the one bakery we have here sucks. “don’t let them take you down, leave a better world than you found”, as chris once said. if that means i have to take my time, i’ll take it.

and finally, it’s not that these stories make me cringe (quite the contrary! on my days off, i think about them all the time) but… it’s going to take very specific circumstances for me to write something on the level of fever again, like i’m going to need the world to shut down again (and knowing how cowardly everyone is, i don’t see it happening unless it’s really bad like a war breaks out). and i’m literally doing what i can to improve things on a sexual level.