#AND YOU CAN SEE HOW MUCH HE HAS GROWN AND DEVELOPED AS A CHARACTER

[codecicle-archive]

I am SOOOOOO normal about chip jrwi I'm so normal I'm so so so so normal about chip jrwi IM SOSOS FUCKIGJGNG NORMAL ABOTUT THSIS GUY IM NORMLA IM NORMAL IM NORMAL <- gnawing at the bars in its enclosure

[beifong-brainrot]

Actually I WILL talk about Mai's seeming 'radicalisation'. With the upcoming comic, I can see why a lot of people are confused/caught offguard by Mai suddenly having a vested interest in reforming the Fire Nation's school curriculum.

However, I don't think it's as much of a heelturn as one would believe at first glance.

Mai is a difficult character to pinpoint on some levels, particularly due to her upbringing which stripped her of a lot of her self expression. I think most of the fandom underestimates the trauma and effect of Mai's upbringing. I elaborate on it here.

However, the long and short of it is that Mai was not encouraged to question, criticise or, god forbid, rebel against her enviornment. To the point where her parents scared her with stories of spirits that would kidnap her if she misbehaved.

Ukano's involvement in politics and relatively high status should also be taken into account. Mai would have grown up being strongly encouraged to conform to her father's beliefs and go along with his politics.

Mai : My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had my dad's political career to think about.

We've seen the propaganda and indoctrination of the Fire Nation school system, how it uses misinformation in its curriculum and how it punishes deviance.

Most fire nation children won't have the tools to find the cruelty and danger in the philosophy of the Fire Nation. Zuko had to get banished from the country to even start his deconstruction. And he had Iroh at his side to guide him.

It's not shocking that Mai would not be able to see the flaws of the Fire Nation. Despite this, she still shows no attachment to the Nation's cause, either. In fact, she actively refused to take part in the war effort when she thought she could get away with it.

I don't think Mai had much sympathy to the other nations, nor will I claim she secretly harboured anti imperialistic sentiment. I simply want to state the fact that Mai was, from a young age, forced to do things she didn't want to do and conditioned by multiple parties, to accept this. Mai has been trained to be passive, with only the method of passive aggressiveness and gloominess to defend herself.

I think after the fall of Ozai's rule and the slow restructuring of the Nation, Mai got more freedom in her life. Ukano's political role diminished, so Mai was allowed to think for herself. She gets to discover the world more and develop her own thoughts and ideals, rather than the ones she'd been forced to conform to.

This line in the upcoming comic seems to confirm my thoughts:

Mai's upbringing is the underground and darkness. She was never given an alternative or agency in her life. And thanks to Zuko, she was able to see and experience a different world than the one she was brought up with. She is able to help to try and achieve it.

Initially, Mai is angry at Zuko's joining of team Avatar. She feels betrayed and upset that he did not talk to her in person, even if it was to protect her. And yet, she saves him. While I believe that most of her motivation was genuinely out of love for Zuko. But she also, ekther inadvertently or deliberately made the choice between Azula and Zuko. Between the two potential duture leaders of the Nation.

And she chose Zuko. Who is not only the boy she loves, but also the boy who can heal her nation.

There is an argument to be made about how Mai represents the Fire Nation itself and its relationship to Zuko, but that is a topic for another day.

The theme of Mai caring for the future of the Fire Nation can be seen expanding in the comics. As 99% of the fandom will tell you, the comics have their flaws, but I do enjoy their handling of Mai for the most part.

I think it's interesting that we are shown that Mai not only wants Zuko to be Fire Lord, but for him to be a good Fire Lord.

We see her dissapointed in Zuko secretly meeting with Ozai. At first glance, what she says to Zuko is that she is dissapointed in him keeping secrets from her, which is understandable, since the last time he kept a secret from her led to him joining the opposite side of a war.

However, with her next appearance, we see that Mai may have had another concern relating to Zuko's communing with Ozai. When Ty Lee informs her of Zuko also enlisting Azula's help, Mai exclaims 'so he really is turning into his father', which seems to denote that Mai has a distaste for Ozai and his rule, whether that be from the begining, or recently acquired.

Mai also criticises Zuko's callous and controlling restrictions over the frightened townspeople. This serves to further cement the idea of Mai becoming disillusioned with the similarly inclined authority figures of her past. Authority figures who were a symptom of the Fire Nation's utilitarian and imperialistic system. We see this disdain manifesting in its full force in the teasers for the upcoming comic.

I think people tend to not realise how restricted in her self expression and thoughts Mai was, despite all the puzzle pieces being laid out for us in the show.

Mai has gone through a very quick and yet realistic episode of character growth in my opinion. Not unlike a lot of people raised in heavily Conservative and restrictive households who peel off later in life, she's settling into her own mindset and motivations.

Ans I don't think it's an unrealistic idea for Mai to want to help change the education system. The Fire Academy for girls is where she met Azula, and as an all girl school alumni, I can tell you first hand how toxic and confining these enviornments can be.

While Mai may not be seen as a particularly empathetic or kind person (though I think this interpretation is flawed), she can sympathise with the young girls who will be placed in the shoes of her younger self.

She can want to not see these kids go through what she, Ty Lee AND Azula did.

[The panels of Mai glancing between the stifling interior of the school and the open window and choosing to go outside and lead the Nation's youth outside... ugh]

Not only is this a rather logical progression for Mai's character, in my opinion, but it also feels like a very big 'healing your inner child' moment for Mai. Since she was not really seemingly allowed to be a child, as most children in the Fire Nation appeared to have such restrictions placed on them.

I don't think it's much of a stretch of the imagination that Mai would want to have at least a small part in dismantling the system that harmed her and so many other children of the nation.

She is a young woman now, she has grown from the oversheltered, apathetic teen she was in the show. She has been able to make her own informed opinions about the state of the nation, has been able to hone her trauma into determination. And it seems we're going to see the fruits of this development in "Ashes of the Academy".

I have very high hopes for the upcoming comic, since what we've seen of it appears to make a compelling story, one I relate to deeply, as well as a good study of Mai, a character I find often misinterpreted by the fandom.

[steviewashere]

I don't know when I'll have the time to write this, but:

CW: Minor Mentions of Blood, Character Illness (Hanahaki), Use of Queer as a Slur

Hanahaki AU. Steve develops hanahaki over Eddie. It's not because, oh, Eddie's probably straight and doesn't know I'm into guys...

No, it's because, oh, Eddie doesn't want to be very close to me due to previous hangups he has.

Cut to Steve coughing up dark purple, almost black petals. Soft and wet and sticky to his fingers. Then, after some time, they become small buds. Small black rose buds with gentle, prickly thorns sprouting in his throat.

People around them find out quickly, very quickly, that Steve is experiencing Hanahaki. Everybody, sans Eddie himself, finds out they're related to Eddie—even as these black roses symbolize hatred, even as they come close to death and mourning in their meaning—they're still perfectly Eddie in color, shape, and beauty. Obviously, since nobody wants Steve to, y'know, die, they tell him to confess to Eddie.

However, Steve is faced with a secondary option at one of his doctor visits. A surgery. The petals can be removed, the thorns torn out and tossed, his lungs cleared...but his brain shocked empty of all traces of Eddie. All traces. He wouldn't know Eddie as he is now. He wouldn't know Eddie from when Dustin would ramble on and on and on about his new guy best friend. He wouldn't know Eddie as the mischievous troublemaker in high school.

And he especially wouldn't know Eddie as his childhood best friend that he drifted apart from many, many years ago. Nobody but them knows that part.

And soon, through decision, through the fear of death...Steve chooses to forget that part, too. He chooses to remove Eddie from his conscious. Every last part of him. With the decision made, the party members keep Eddie away, Robin goes through Steve's room and hides anything he has of Eddie's—including a little memory box of their childhood photographs, little trinkets he'd receive from Eddie, doodles and crushed flowers...crushed flowers that look similar to the ones Steve coughed up with a note attached to them: "For the prince to my prince. Mama said they're for royal people, and I thought they were beautiful. These are for you, because you're beautiful, too."

Steve kept all of it. Tucked neatly away for nobody but him to see. All these delicate, baby confessions of two queer kids in rural America, waiting for the right moment; though never getting that after a fall out in their relationship.

According to Eddie, the two drifted away due to rhetoric Steve's dad was spouting; rhetoric that was being passed on and spat right at Eddie's face from Steve's mouth. Even if he saw Steve change during and after Vecna, he'll always remember the last big fight in their friendship; the day he was called a queer.

When Eddie finds out, he's beyond devastated that Steve would make the choice to forget him. He gets it, Steve didn't want to die. He knows. But now he doesn't even have a spot in Steve's life? It cuts deep, it hurts.

He knows so much about Steve. Little details. Favorite things. Where his moles are. How he styles his hair. What he looked like before braces, before Tommy, before high school bullshit, before all the traumas. He knows who Steve really is, sweet and nurturing and nearly unbearably kind.

And now Steve doesn't know him. Doesn't love him.

He wishes he knew, because then they wouldn't be in this mess.

But Eddie gets to fall in love with Steve all over again. Shake his hand and introduce himself. Even though he wishes they could meet each other as kids, just like they did. Because Eddie remembers a dorky, geeky, self-conscious, timid little kid quietly asking him if they could play princes on the playground. And Steve remembers Eddie at twenty-one, full grown and stubborn; not the same shy kid, not the bubbly kid...just a man haunted.

But! Plot twist!!!

What if, yeah, Steve does forget Eddie...initially?

He meets Eddie again, for the first time. He gets to know Eddie. He begins a friendship with Eddie.

And then he begins getting these awful...awful migraines being around Eddie. Flashes of fractured, half-formed memories of some kid with big brown eyes and a shaved head, of a kid crouched down in wood chips trying to find a guitar pick he had dropped. Little glimpses of smiles: some with teeth missing, some with teeth growing back in, some with blood-stained lips, some with a blue tint. There's splintering voices, a little boy's and an older man's and a squeaky, pubescent voice—he hears his own name crackled around the edges, hears Prince Stevie cooed and King Steve snarled, soft words whispered through choking sobs and whip wild yelling.

He looks Eddie straight on at one point, his face open with concern, but all he sees is an angry, sobbing, red-faced, wet-faced little Eddie talking with Steve, "You think I'm...I'm a dirty queer? Why would you say that to me? No...no, Steve, keep your voice down, keep your voice"—and then, quieter, a whisper—"I thought I could trust you. I know I like boys, but that was a secret. You're an asshole, Steve. Go fuck yourself."

And when he blinks again, Eddie's concerned face staring back at him, all Steve does is cough and cough and cough. Eventually, he's hunched tight into himself and spitting directly into Eddie's palm. Out comes a fully formed black rose.

A bud that hadn't bloomed, that hadn't been removed. Sharp thorns and wet petals and an eye that swirls and swirls and swirls.

It all comes back to him, then, staring at that flower, floundering backwards, catching Eddie's eyes in a daze.

It all comes back to him.

How much he's always loved Eddie Munson.

Anyway, just like, a hanahaki surgery gone wrong, I guess. Like they all think it works until, y'know, it doesn't. They get close again and it floods back in. The very thing he tried to get away from.

I imagine that after Steve coughs up that fully formed rose, Eddie squishes it in his palm. The thorns cutting up his hand, the petals crushed between his fingers. And then he just...eats it. Like fully puts it on his tongue, chews it up between his teeth, and swallows the whole damn thing—yes, even the thorns. There's blood in his mouth, petals between his teeth, blood and drool on his hand.

And he lunges forward to grab Steve's face, to kiss him so roughly they could be devouring each other. And all they taste in each other are the bittersweet ghosts of black rose petals and the metallic harshness of one another's blood; Steve had hacked up blood, too, from the thorns cutting his throat.

And when they separate?

"You were the first boy I ever fell in love with," Eddie confesses, "you're the only boy I've ever loved. There's been nobody else in that place, Steve. Only you, after everything, have remained."

Okay. Now I'm done. I promise I'm done rambling. Would this be interesting as a fic? I don't know. It's fine.

[pia-writes-things]

Others have probably said this more coherently and way better than I will but I need to get this off my chest to focus on work so here goes :

I'm obsessed with what Suzanne Collins did with Effie's character in Sunrise on the Reaping and what it means for the relation between her and Haymitch post-Hunger Games and Rebellion.

Like, obviously, it can become harder to ship Hayffie after the book bc of Haymitch's love for Lenore Dove and how he still thinks about her in the Epilogue. However, Haymitch was sixteen then, and tho I do believe you never stop loving the people you loved so fiercely as he did Lenore (especially when they die so violently), he's 42-ish in the epilogue and I do hope he's grown enough, and has enough space for healing, so that he could loved someone else.

And that's where Effie's development in Sunrise on the Reaping is genius for shiping reasons (obviously not just that, but it's a rant for another day ^^) : Effie is the only person who still knows what he was like before his Games, and she's probably the only person who knows the Games changed him and he wasn't like what the Capitol propaganda made it seem. She may not know the details, she may believe what they edited his Games to look like to the public. But she knows the whole "selfish rascal" thing was an act : she saw him with Maysilee and Wyatt and Lou Lou before the Games. So she must know. She saw how scared he was before the Games. She saw an knew him. And I personally choose to believe she at least suspects his Games were never what they looked like.

We see in SOTR how Effie is everything Katniss believed her to be in the original trilogy (clueless, naive, tone-deaf and Capitol af), but we also see that despite all that, she's not Capitol to her core. She never dehumanises the Tributes. She tries to help how she can with the little she knows and she's been taught. Suzanne Collins showed that even the most privileged people can still care and be decent and do the right thing. Yes, she drinks the Capitol propaganda kool-aid, but not to the point where she cannot even relate to and help the Tributes.

So, that, coupled with the fact that she's one of the last person to truly know Haymitch, makes me probably even more interested in their relationship and what it would mean for it to be romantic. What does it look like when you're healing with the only person who's truly known you for the last 25-30 years ish? What does it look like to finally be able to move on from all the shit that happened to you and there's this woman who's been one of the only constant during the worst years of your life? What does it look like to have your world disappear and to help rebuild a new one even tho you were one of the bad guys and there's this man who represent the other side and was also your entry and sole link to it for 25-30 ish years? How do you heal together and how do you move on from your traumas together? How do you build something when your both past your prime in life but it's also far from over and you have hope? How does it mirror Katniss and Peeta's healing?

Basically, what does it look like to heal and find your person when you're in your fourties and that person happens to both be "the other side" and the only constant in your life?

There's so much potential there, both about the larger themes in the books and for them, and I need to write it or read it, and they make me go insane.

Ok, rant over, back to work now.

[alexiethymia]

mamao>jinshi

‘There’s nothing I can give him back in return.’

with LN vol 12 and vol 13 out in English, I can’t help but once again gush about these two. Because they are honestly one of the healthiest and most frustrating slow burn established relationship ships ever. I seriously love their development, how jinshi has come so far from his unhealthy tendencies towards maomao in the earlier volumes.

sure you can say that’s the least he could do, but it does matter a lot, for a person who’s restrained himself all his life, to get everything at his fingertips except for what he truly wanted, to still continue to restrain himself even when what he wants is already there for the taking if only he’d reach out. it’s an acknowledgment and full understanding of the unequal power dynamic between him and maomao, and giving power, at least as much as he is able, over himself to maomao in a way to make up for that unequal dynamic. it’s maomao who gets to decide now what will happen and how fast it will happen in their relationship moving forward.

which I think is brilliant from a story-telling pov because we can focus on the intriguing developments and politics while still getting small but perfect doses of the development of their relationship. not too much, but not too little either. it also makes for an absolutely hilarious dynamic because it seems like it’s maomao who’s getting frustrated this time around. because she’s also a person who restrains herself. she may be willful when it comes to medicine, but for something like this? I don’t think she learned to ask for what she wants either. she’s not used to it. so she teases instead. it’s fascinating to see that while jinshi has matured, maomao has retained that side of her, the one which unexpectedly likes teasing and triggering jinshi (oh but she better watch out once he snaps, but part of me thinks this is what she wants ultimately). like seriously, it may not be in-character, but the image of an increasingly frustrated maomao who has her attempts at flirtation constantly thwarted by jinshi’s monk-like almost masochistic self-control will never be not funny to me. I don’t discount the possibility that once she’s finally had it up to here, she’d be the one to just smack one on him and/or ravish him once and for all. I mean she was the one to steal a kiss first once she accepted Jinshi’s (and her own) feelings.

so linking it to the anime, there’s no doubt in my mind that maomao truly loves jinshi. like I don’t just mean logically how she could fall in love with him with how he respects her agency, and her knowledge, and her skill, while she respects what he stands for (and though she may not admit it), his kindness. I mean that it’s pretty clear to me that both jinshi and maomao’s love languages are acts of service. And with that thought of maomao’s, her worrying about being unable to give back to jinshi, shows to me that she’s worried about placing jinshi in the same position she was in as a baby. she may be ok now (or more like she repressed it), but maomao may have grown up feeling like never having enough (literally being left alone as a baby to cry for hours on end which isn’t anyone’s fault really but more of a matter of circumstance) until she made herself be ok with it.

and the fact that she sees nothing wrong about it when it comes to herself, but is worried about the same thing happening to jinshi, shows to me that her love isn’t as lukewarm as she thinks it is. bec inasmuch as jinshi goes above and beyond for her, maomao goes above and beyond for him as well, noticeably almost more than for anyone else. like maomao will perform acts of services for almost anyone, but for her to actually reopen the lid on her emotions, which she’s kept locked for a long time, shows to me considerable effort and care. because she recognizes the weakness in herself when it comes to emotions, but she doesn’t want to hurt jinshi by not giving him enough.

even when she prepared everything for what was supposed to be their first night, jinshi viewed it as her artisan’s spirit, but knowing maomao, it’s not something she would have done otherwise if she didn’t really want to do it. she refrained from food and drink, she prepared everything so jinshi wouldn’t have to worry. nothing about her preparations screamed transactional. bec again as much as jinshi wants her to rely on him, to burden him, maomao shows her love in how much she wants him to unburden himself. she wants him to be able to stop holding back without worries to the point that she’s willing to carry that burden for him. sure again you could see it as her being her perfectionist self, but again from what we know of maomao, she does indeed go all out, but only for the things she’s passionate about, for the things that matter to her. remember her failing the court lady exam? somehow, through everything they’ve went through, jinshi has become someone who matters so much to her that she’s willing to put in the work.

that interaction really showed how far the both of them have come, and through maomao becoming more proactive, and jinshi becoming more patient, showing the best way they show that they love the other. doing something difficult that’s not what they’re used to, sacrificing or bearing embarrassment, because despite everything, it’s worth it for the person they’re doing it for. if that’s not love, what is?

[togeppy]

doubt-free ;

xaden riorson x reader

reader quells xaden's worries that he's not going to be a good father, and when he holds his child for the first time, he comes around to believe it himself. ✧ : based on this req! set post-series because these characters need a break and a happily ever after. brief mentions of body self-consciousness near the beginning.

"Have I sprouted a tail?" you ask your husband nonchalantly, as you finish fixing your bed and move to sit atop the now-neatly presented spread. 

Xaden, momentarily stunned, raises an eyebrow from where he sits at his desk. "What?" 

You face him as you make yourself comfortable, letting the book that you had decided to read rest on your lap as you gaze back at the man. "You've been staring at me for minutes now, and not in an 'I need to get you in that bed instead of making it up' way, but in a 'I am looking at you concerned because you've grown a new appendage' way." 

The man lets a small laugh escape his lips at your antics. "No, you have not grown a tail." 

You give him another pointed look. "Fine, then care to explain why you're giving me that look? I know this bump makes me look kind of lumpy now, but I would argue that it's your fault I look like this, so you don't have the right to look at me like I've turned into a wyvern." 

Your hand goes to rest atop your belly that has recently made itself visible regardless of whatever clothes you attempt to hide it behind. You’ve become self-conscious about it - you haven't gotten used to the changes your body is undergoing, and more often than not you find yourself looking in the mirror in the morning wondering where your old body has gone.

Xaden's smile immediately falls, getting up from his seat to lie in front of you on the bed. Without hesitation, he moves your hand and begins peppering kisses along your stomach. A soft smile instantly lights up your face at the action. When he finally finds the amount of kisses he’s given satisfactory, he looks back up at you. 

“Don’t think for a moment that you look unattractive because of this,” he mumbles, placing one final kiss on the bump, “You look more attractive than ever. You’re carrying our child and I think that you look absolutely gorgeous doing it.” 

Your heart lightens at his words, and you bring your hand to rake through his hair as he grins up at you, adoration evident in his eyes. 

“I appreciate the flattery, but that doesn’t explain why I’ve got eye marks in my back from how hard you’ve been staring.” 

Xaden’s smile falls once again as he moves to sit up properly next to you. His eyes go distant, and all you can do is study him as he finds the words to vocalize what he’s thinking. 

“Every time I see the bump grow, it becomes more of a reality that we’re going to be parents.” Xaden starts, unable to meet your eyes at first. You can tell that he hasn’t arrived at the core of his thought yet, so you stay silent, knowing that he’s carefully choosing his words, a habit he’s developed since being named as the Duke. 

“I don’t really… have any idea what a normal parent is like,” he whispers, eyes finally drifting up to your own, his eyebrows furrowed as he continues thinking, “My mother left me in the middle of the night as a child and ran off to the isles to start a new family immediately afterwards. My father was actively running a secret rebellion while also acting as the Duke of Tyrrendor. He cared about me, but I can’t say that his parenting methods were ideal. I… worry that I’m not going to be a good dad because of it.” 

You sit stunned for a moment, before setting your book down on the bedside table, long forgotten. You move quickly to slot yourself between Xaden’s legs, sitting with your own legs tucked beneath you so that you’re now face-to-face, and you take his hand in both of your own. 

“You’re going to be an amazing father,” you state, confidence clear in your voice, “I’ve never met a more caring man in my life. You sacrifice so much for me and everyone in this province daily, more than I could ever begin to put into words. I have no doubts that you’d do the same for our child.” 

Your husband shakes his head, placing his free hand on top of your bump. “But that’s why I worry. I have so many responsibilities that I fear I won’t have enough time to properly give our child the time that they need.” 

For a second, you stare back at him. It’s a valid concern - he does have a lot on his plate given his title, but you know that despite his stony exterior, Xaden Riorson is a lover at his core. He always finds time for the people close to his heart. 

“You’re excellent at dividing your time. You make plenty of time for me, I almost never feel like you’re neglecting me.” 

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Almost never? That’s more often than I’d like.” 

The corner of your mouth lifts up in a playful grin. “Sometimes I’m convinced Garrick thinks he’s the one married to you. While I’m aware that the two of you are allowed to spend time together, I think you need to cut down on your allocated Garrick time and redelegate some of that time to me.” 

Xaden rolls his eyes as he lets out a laugh in fond exasperation. “Can, and will gladly do, but when he comes to our door in protest, you’re the one that’s going to have to deal with him.” 

Your smile only deepens, “I can do that.” Your knees now grow sore at your position, so you move to lie down, and the dark-haired man guides you to lie atop him, your head nestled in his shoulder as your body rests between his legs. 

“In all seriousness though, you might not think it yourself, but you’re incredible at being present despite everything you’ve got going on. You do your paperwork here instead of your office just so that you can be in the same room as me. You invite everyone to have meals together daily so that you’re always updated on how our friends are doing.” You lean forward and place a gentle kiss on his neck. “This baby is never going to doubt that you’ll do the most to make time for them.” 

Xaden smiles softly as he looks down on you, rubbing a hand against your back. You can see in the way that his facial expression has changed that he’s started to accept your words, and has somewhat accepted that he’ll be a not-too-shabby dad. He presses an equally gentle kiss to your forehead. “Thank you.” 

You angle your head to get a better look at him, and you eye him with adoration. “Besides, we’ve got a village at our disposal anyways. Surely if we don’t know what we’re doing, someone will.” You think of your friends, who were so eager to help out the moment that you announced you were expecting, and you know that any of them would be willing to come to your aid in a heartbeat. 

Xaden nods in agreement, before his eyebrows furrow again. “We’re not letting Ridoc babysit without someone else present until this kid is at least ten.”

You open your mouth to protest, but before the words can come out you think of a future where Ridoc has turned your child into an equally rowdy mini-him, and anticipate the headache you both will have trying to rein them in. “Agreed.” 

Your husband lets out a little exhale that doubles as a laugh and holds you tight. 

“Normal parents are overrated anyways,” you whisper, your hand resting on Xaden’s chest, “We staged a revolution, won a war and now reign over a whole damned province. This kid is going to be bragging that they’ve got the coolest dad ever.” 

Three months later, you walk - or rather, waddle with how large you’ve gotten - into your room, where you’re surprised to see Xaden standing near the corner of baby things, a small onesie and children’s book in each of his hands.

“Trying to find your next read?” you quip, and the man spins around to face you, rolling his eyes.

“Wondering how in the world to take care of a baby,” he responds, setting the book down. You move towards him, and he quickly wraps his free arm around your waist for support, knowing you’re not able to stand for very long without growing uncomfortable. 

“That’s a battle we’ll learn to deal with when we get there,” you respond, gaze finally dropping to the item of clothing he had picked out, “I like that one, Imogen bought a cute matching set.” 

Xaden smiles softly, though his eyes have the far-off look you’ve grown so familiar with. 

“What’s on your mind this time?” you ask patiently, knowing that your husband will speak when he’s ready. 

“I’ve been a warrior my whole life, not a nurturer. I’ve spent years fighting to prove my worth as a marked one, to advocate for the cause of the revolution, to demonstrate my competence as a Duke.” He sighs. “This onesie is so… so miniscule. Switching from being a fighter to protecting someone this tiny feels impossible.” 

You take a long look at him - you thought that you had quelled his worries about being an unfit dad months ago, but it’s clear the doubtful thoughts have returned. 

Tilting your head slightly to the side, thinking back to the past, you decide to challenge the man. “You’re not just a warrior, you’ve always been a protector too. You took on 107 scars to keep the marked ones safe. You killed a prince because he was bullying your best friend. You became venin and then gave up the power to save the entire Continent. You shelter me from the onslaught of… everything you face each day. You can’t say that you’re not a nurturer, because you’ve taken on so many fights to protect others that you don’t even realize it’s become second nature to you.” 

He stares back at you, stunned by the list of things you had so easily thought up. “I- I guess.” His eyes are still distant as they travel down to the book he had set aside. “Do you think they’ll like me?” 

Your hand goes up to gently stroke at the man’s cheek. “Of course, they’ll absolutely adore you.”

Xaden stands quiet, still staring down, his mind elsewhere. “I have no experience with babies, and I’ve been told my interpersonal skills make me unapproachable. For most of my life people hated me before they even met me. What if our kid thinks I’m too boring for them? That they can’t come to me with their worries?” His voice sounds defeated, like he’s just accepted that his own child will resent him straight out of the womb.

You look at him, dumbfounded. “Xaden, it’s a baby. I seriously doubt they’ll be concerned about your interpersonal skills, just that their dad is there to rock them to sleep. You’ve quite literally got more backstory than anyone on this continent, I don’t think it’s possible for this child to find you boring.” 

His eyes are no longer hovering on the book, and they now look at yours, as if seeking validation within them. You hold his gaze, strong and sure, letting him know that you believe every word you say to be the truth. 

He exhales, his body sagging against you, and you know you’ve - at least temporarily - placated his fears. He rests his head atop yours, placing a kiss into your hair. His voice now sounds weary as he speaks. “I’ve never been this worried about anything in my life. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever had anything this important worth worrying about.” 

You can’t help but smile knowing the feeling all too well. “Yeah, I’ve been getting more and more terrified the closer we get to this baby being born.” 

He lifts his head and studies you. “You’re doing a better job than me at not showing it though.” 

You shake your head. “To the untrained eye, you look unfazed and perfectly prepared. I’ve just been married to you long enough to know that you’re not.” 

Xaden sighs again, tightening his grip around your waist. “You’re going to be the best mother. I’m going to have to try pretty hard to be able to compare.” 

You laugh, peeling yourself away from him to go sit down, your body physically protesting at having stood for so long. “I don’t think you’re going to be a good mother.” 

Your husband scoffs at your joke, following behind you as you continue. 

“But you’re going to be an amazing dad, just you wait and see.” 

Emotions were never Xaden’s strong suit, but holding your baby for the first time has awoken emotions that he didn’t know he was capable of feeling all at once. Pure joy, elation, anxiety, wonder, pride. He feels all of them and more as he stares down at the newborn in his arms. 

Noticing your fatigue hours after the baby was born, your husband urged you to sleep, assuring you that he would keep a careful eye on the baby. He now stands swaying as you and the baby both rest, the latter held tightly yet gently in his arms. 

He paces slowly around the room, rocking your child as he moves. His eyes never leave them for a moment as his shadows hover protectively around both him and the swaddle of blankets to prevent anything from causing the baby any harm. When he’s sure the newborn won’t stir, he carefully takes a seat in a plush chair in the corner of the room, holding them against his chest. 

His finger goes to lightly trace the baby’s features, adoration and awe evident in his eyes. All of his defenses are down - Xaden has never felt this exposed or vulnerable in his life, all because of his offspring, so fragile in his arms. He stares down at his child, unmoving apart from the rise and fall of their chest as they take in small breaths. 

“I’m never going to let anything or anyone hurt you,” he whispers quietly so that no one arouses from their sleep, “Might spoil you a little too. But don’t let your Mommy know that.” 

He casts a quick glance up to you and smiles softly at your sleeping figure, body fused with the bed out of pure exhaustion, yet relaxed, trusting wholeheartedly that he’s taking good care of your child. He knows at that moment that he will do your bidding for the rest of his life - it’s because of you that he has this precious baby in his arms, and for a treasure so great, he can never repay you. 

His eyes drop back down to the newborn, his heart never resting for a moment as the elation overcomes him, every single nerve in his body alert. 

“Everything I do from now on will be for you now, huh,” he coos, “You’ve only been here for a few hours and I’m already willing to raze all of Tyrrendor if it’ll keep you happy. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that though.”

Xaden feels it deep in his chest, the doubts no longer chasing him. He will be a good father because the tiny bundle in his arms deserves the world. They will never doubt that they’re loved, they will have his undivided attention any time they need it, and they will be safe from anything that comes their way. He’s a protector and a nurturer, and with you by his side, and all of your friends that have become family ready to lend a helping hand, this baby will have anything and everything that they will possibly need. 

“I love you with everything that I am,” he whispers to your child, placing a soft kiss on their forehead, careful not to jostle them too much, “And that will never, ever, change.” 

Your husband holds the baby tight, though now the anxiety is gone. He holds his whole world in his arms, and he feels calm, knowing that a new chapter of his life is starting. He’s no longer just the Duke of Tyrrendor, the ex-venin shadow-wielder, or the head of the revolution. He’s your child’s Dad, and to him, that’s the most important title of them all.

[lurker2773]

Characterization for the Hex if the Operator were sent back instead of the Drifter

I like to think about what 1999 could have been if the Lotus sent the Operator back to follow Entrati and not the Drifter. I know it makes the most sense from a character development standpoint to send Drifter, but the Operator is a much more experienced and capable (lorewise) warframe combatant with countless years of practice under their belt - it'd have been equally pragmatic to send the Starchild to 1999 to make sure whatever needs to get done in there happens and have the drifter get trained up and acclimated to the Origin system where there are other tenno to rely on to make up for inexperience and general rookie-ness.

So instead of the Hex getting a grown-ass person with magic void powers from the future, they'd get to have a war veteran trauma child - bonus points if that child is nonverbal or refuses to speak directly to them, and the Hex have to interact with them through the KIM.

And also, consider that most players from a gameplay standpoint habitually keep their Operators cloaked to prevent them from getting shot once they leave their 'frames to do whatever - canonically, the Operator and Drifter don't have a time limit on cloak, I don't think. The Hex are basically never even going to see the kid, and that could be more terrifying. Imagine seeing a puppet version of what you could be, dangling from the strings of some invisible, intangible thing with superpowers and magic lasers coming out of their hands.

Imagine mid mission Arthur turns to look at the weird and mysterious time-travelling entity and just sees a collapsed Baruuk on it's knees or frozen completely still in a weird position before it suddenly zooms about thirty meters away midair and starts straightening itself back out again in ways that joints shouldn't move in before slamming into the ground and rushing headlong into a crowd of Scaldra to 'build melee combo,' whatever the hell the demon child means by that.

Here's the meat of the post, though - the Hex (and newcomers like Flare and Kaya) can play the Context(TM) game like they do with Drifter through KIM and slowly piece together that this is a magical child soldier with a bodycount larger than all the people they've ever collectively laid eyes on, and then react in interesting ways that would lend interesting characterization.

Eleanor and Arthur would be horrified, probably, and Arthur might start talking down to the Operator because it's 'just some kid' who's clearly in over their head. Most of it's concern, but I think some small amount would be bruised pride - how could some kid be better at killing than a trained soldier?

Aoi would be heartbroken at the revelation that their new ally is a child soldier - how could anyone let that happen to them? How sick do you have to be to make children kill whoever the government pointed at with techno-organic corpses?

And Quincy would definitely be fucked up in the head for a few days after he figures it out - that could open up some opportunities for more characterization given his soft spot for kids. Would he try to keep up his aloof act, like he does with the Drifter, or immediately discard it to try and comfort a child that has already made peace with their ridiculous capacity for murder?

Amir might do something similar to Arthur, but more patronizing than hostile - he means well, but this is a kid. If Amir himself feels out of his depth in the current situation and he's an adult, then surely a child would feel even worse than he does about killing a person.

I think Lettie would be the most chill of the original Hex, though. She's jaded enough that she'd be concerned, but would probably decide that it's not really any of her business - especially considering just how talented the Operator is at mass homicide.

Velimir and Minerva could also be really interesting. On the one hand, they could see little bits of Rusalka in the Operator, but that could also lead to coddling or 'replacement goldfish'-like behavior not unlike how I imagine Amir's reaction would have been.

Flare would have been the first to know. One wayward comment from Lizzie calling the Operator demon-child or something of the like, and they'd have put it together pretty quickly after that.

Kaya would just be glad there's someone else who understands being underestimated by older people just because they're younger.

[keepthedelta]

hi, do you think lewis and nico were really best friends at some point? whether it was in 2013, 2014, 2015 or 2016? bc i was seeing some blogs that they do not think they were really that good of friends, but the way they did hurt each other, and hurt themselves in 2015 and 2016 really screams "you were my best friend and u betrayed me " kind of thing

i mean, as adults maybe not so much, but as children absolutely.

one quality of both nico and lewis that i personally think is really really important to them and their characters is that they were both very lonely little boys. lewis grew up as a mixed race child from a working class background moving between the households of his divorced parents in the notoriously welcoming, racially equally, class blind nation of england. he faced racial abuse from grown adults as an incredibly young child at remote control car events (and i do mean young, like 5 years old) and took up martial arts as a child to learn how to defend himself from bullies. nico grew up on the opposite end of the spectrum as the beloved only child of a millionare formula one world champion, and spent a lot of his early childhood travelling with his parents. he's said before that because of this he was very lonely in his early childhood, as he didn't really know any other children, and he couldn't even really connect with an entire section of his family because he was never taught finnish. then, when he did go to school and meet other children he didn't quite fit in there. he was too awkward, too pretty, too nerdy. it wasn't that he had no friends, but he didn't have many, and he was bullied a lot by other children who would stick things in his hair and hold him down, and because the adults did nothing, he had to learn how to deal with it himself.

so their early lives, although very different, share the quality of loneliness and isolation, and being excluded by their peers. this continued when they began karting. lewis was ostracised because of his race and his class (and almost certainly because he was much better than them and they were jealous) and nico was ostracised because he had a famous and successful father, because he was pretty and awkward (and again, because he was better than a lot of them, and there was a lot of jealousy involved). from the very first time they raced together, it was lewis and nico out way ahead of everyone else, peers as both racers and lonely children. so much of their bond as children came from being lonely and excluded by others, but in each other they finally found a friend.

the first time lewis ever came to monaco was to visit nico. he has said multiple times how visiting nico, seeing how the rosbergs (and other monaco residents) lived became the foundation for the life that he wanted to live and has since chosen to live. when he moved to monaco in 2012/2013, he moved into the same building as nico, which is also the same building as nico's childhood apartment (he just moved into another unit in the same building when he turned 18), therefore the exact same building that lewis first stayed in when he came to visit nico.

i think it's fair to say that they weren't necessarily best friends during their adulthood. after karting they went into separate single seater series (lewis to formula renault in the uk, nico to formula bmw in germany) and although they spent a year in f3 together in 2004, they were in separate teams and developed other relationships along the way. but i don't think you can say they weren't friends. lewis went on holiday with the rosbergs when he and nico were 17, at least a year after they stopped karting. there are photos of him partying with nico and vivian, who got together when they were 18. he and nico went on holiday with adrian sutil after they had begun in formula one. their reaction to their first shared podium in 2008 is not the reaction of people who are not friends. they literally did interviews talking about their friendship. when lewis moved to monaco, if he didn't have food in the house he would go upstairs to nico and vivian and eat with them. they might not have been best friends by that point, but they were absolutely still friends in some sense of the word.

to me, one of the major reasons why that silver war time period reads so much of "being betrayed by your best friend" is because lewis and nico were formative friends. the closeness may not have been the same all the way to the end, but it was the foundation for who each of them became. two lonely little boys who filled in the cracks of their lives with each other because it was the first time, at least in racing, that someone else was actually nice to them. lewis's dad still has photos of lewis and nico as teenagers and voluntarily brings up that time of their lives and the importance of it even after everything that went down. nico once got given an old karting magazine that had him and lewis on the cover and immediately turned all nostalgic and wistful. lewis has repeatedly said that karting with nico was the best time of his life.

as people, everything that we are is fundamentally a collection of memories and experiences and reactions to those moments. we learn and grow, and none of us are the same when we're thirty as we are when we're thirteen. but if you're thirty and the person that you're fighting against, even just professionally, was someone who helped make you who you are by being nice to you when you were thirteen when no one else was nice to you, hurting them is always going to hurt you because they are a part of you, and you are a part of them.

[mochinomnoms]

I can't stop having Jade thoughts so I'm gonna throw them at you.

I know people have talked about PTM yuu playing into Jade's dirty thoughts to get a rise out of him, but I really just... I can stop thinking of Yuu just giving Jade sudden and subtle compliments. Like they hear his thoughts and there's an insecurity he doesn't talk about and Yuu makes a comment to try to make him feel better. Or Yuu doesn't even have to be subtle in compliments. Maybe Jade did something different with his outfit or maybe is trying a new perfume to hopefully get Yuu's attention and Yuu didn't notice it but they overheard Jade's thoughts so they comment on it and Jade gets so happy.

Or Jade has thoughts of how he's trying to act cool or handsome but Yuu calls him cute or pretty instead. Like he wasn't expecting to hear that and now he's a blushy and having to hide away to get his act back together.

Also a kinds related but also not really thought. If Yuu ever comments how they can tell Jade's fake smiles vs his real ones how would Jade react? Luke his fake smile doesn't show teeth but his real one does or something. And if Yuu said they likes his real smile more or comments that his real smile is cute then what? Would he die?

Aaaaaa you can always send me Jade thoughts I love my darling Jade!!!

Would you all be surprised to hear that it's actually the sweeter things that make him fall further in love with Yuu and not just the more risque scenarios (tho he does love those too).

Jade as a character is always performing a certain way, not necessarily to please others but to get what he wants out of them. We can see it in other's perceptions in the game, his classmates know that Jade is just as unhinged as his brother and manipulative as Azul, but others don't. Trey thinks Jade is like him, trying to just placate situations and being a pushover to his housewarden and brother, when Riddle points out that it's very much not the case. Vil gets unsettled when Jade is able to perfectly perform every single task he's given, no matter how impossible. Even when his perfect image as a soft-spoken, polite man is shattered once others find out just how mean and condescending he is, there is still a general notion that he's capable, intimidating, and almost a miracle maker. In fact, he revels in how unsettled he makes others, finding it funny.

But he doesn't want Yuu to see him like that, he doesn't want them to be put off by him. But the reality is that they've already have been looking at that way, and it's been a whole year for them to develop their own notions of Jade as a person.

It's a deep insecurity he has regarding them, a fear that Yuu will never see past that image. Maybe it's why he has such vivid daydreams, ones skipping right over that roadblock and immediately turning into one where he's already won their heart, rather than fighting for it. He's a bit of a coward, he hates to admit it, the fear of not being capable for once stumping his development.

Of course, Yuu knows this, and as much as they don't want to admit it, they've grown fond of Jade the longer they hear his thoughts. He is so firm in performing a certain way, it's nice to hear how open he really wants to be with them. (It's also the fact that it's only with them he wants to be open with that makes them a bit pleased, even if they don't want to admit it.)

But it's a bit hard to do outwardly experience that when Jade is so firm on being be person he thinks they want, and the Seven know hat they won't make the first move, so they try what they can to pull him out.

"It's so rare to see you smile like that, I kinda wish you'd do it more."

"I like your hair when it's pushed back, makes you give off a different vibe...huh? What kind? Aaah, nothing important..."

"Come on, I see the gears turning in your head, you have a joke? Tell it, I don't mind!"

"I remember this! Epel's grandma really went all out with your clothes. Haha, you look kinda cute with that hat..."

It helps, Jade becomes less concerned about being a certain way around Yuu, but does become more preoccupied with trying to get them to say more things about him.

He's hoping, with how sweet their words are, that a slip of the tongue might bring out a confession. Yuu is hoping for the same. I suppose it's a matter of who will utter those three little words first.

[shantechni]

Natsume's Fear of Thunder

I'm gonna be honest, this can hardly be considered an analysis. It's more of a "sporadic and unnecessarily deep observation" of how Natsume's astraphobia has been presented in the series over the years, both in the anime and in the manga. So, please for the love of God take all of this with a grain of salt.

Yes, I'm using the term "phobia" very loosely, but I'm not about to get into that rn. Natsume has an irrational fear and strong dislike of thunder, that's an undeniable truth.

Before I dive in, I'd like to briefly explain why, of all the little bits of information Midorikawa has given us about Natsume, this one is the one to ceaselessly bump around in my brain like a DVD logo. This series is not in the horror genre (it's serialized in LaLa DX after all), but it does get suspenseful, and pretty disturbing depending on whatever topic it touches or the types of situations the characters may find themselves in. I don't fault anyone, particularly Natsume, for growing up with valid fears and preconceived misconceptions about most youkai; they can sound scary, they can look scary, and they can do some scary stuff if they really feel up to it.

That's why I'm so fascinated to see Natsume develop and still harbor an irrational fear for something like the everyday phenomena of storms. He's landed himself in all sorts of trouble and has come face to face with many beings, both natural and supernatural, who didn't have his best interests in mind, and yet the clap of thunder somehow keeps its spot on the list of things that has him scared stiff.

Aight, spoilers for both the anime and the manga beyond here, you've been warned👏🏽

Our first introduction to Natsume's fear is near the beginning of chapter 42, when he and Tanuma accidentally stumble across Taki's home while seeking shelter from a sudden shower. He questions how Nyanko-sensei ended up at her home as well and the youkai, much to Natsume's visible dismay, cheekily explains:

That doesn't end up happening since the rain remained light until its swift end, and the mention of Natsume's fear is glossed over rather quickly to save him the embarrassment, but it's an interesting mention made by Midorikawa nonetheless since it adds another layer to whatever image the audience has of Natsume and the series itself. Nyanko-sensei, having been around this kid long enough to know a lot of his vulnerabilities and insecurities (even the ones his dreams unwittingly reveal to the youkai), has seen and grown accustomed to a side of him that the audience had yet to be formally introduced to for once.

Right about now, you may be wondering how the anime adapted this scene. It didn't💀.

While the start of the episode (S3 EP5) is a one-to-one recreation of the chapter with virtually the same dialogue and scenery, any mention of Nyanko-sensei following Natsume to pick on him when it thunders is nonexistent and entirely skipped over so the gang can go straight to cleaning out the storeroom.

Most fans who have read the manga will tell you how notorious the anime is for excluding some of the characters' lines or scenes that take place in the manga, or just straight up rearranging or changing up those same factors. Sometimes those alterations work wonders, and other times they leave more to be desired, mainly if you know what happened in the manga counterpart of the episode. This such example is one of the times that'll leave people scratching their heads and wondering what warranted getting rid of a scene so insignificant that it'd have no effect on the plot of the episode whether or not it stayed. The only answer I can think of for that is the directors likely wanting a smoother progression of events to make for a viewing experience better tailored for an anime episode rather than a manga chapter.

Or, they genuinely didn't have enough space in the episode to squeeze in that little bit, which I highly doubt, but what would I know, I don't work for them. At the end of the day, we didn't get to see that scene in the episode.

After some more anime switcheroo shenanigans go on behind the scenes, along with an original episode pulling a retcon during a lightning storm, we receive our next moment in a surprising scene from the anime team in S3 EP10 (adaptation of chapter 28). Though the scene itself is short and not exactly an example of Natsume's astraphobia, I feel it should still be included because of its relation.

The chapter originally starts with Natsume and Nyanko-sensei searching for a tree that was struck by lightning during a storm the night before. However, the anime makes an addition of their own by rewinding time to that very night and showing Nyanko-sensei excitedly watching the storm take place while Natsume is tied up with his homework.

Nyanko-sensei goes on to tease him by suggesting that he doesn't want to watch the storm because he's scared, but Natsume dodges the youkai's mocking and begins to tell him to close the curtain before a crack of lightning cuts him off and illuminates his room.

Not only does Natsume not simply deny Nyanko-sensei's claim of him being scared, but his reaction to the thunder is seemingly more sudden than Nyanko-sensei's. Both of these points could subsequently lead the audience to interpret this entire sequence as the anime's first acknowledgement of his phobia, and it'd make for a very intriguing choice on the anime team's behalf after taking their ommitance of the previous scene into consideration. It could be a stretch though ngl, I tend to stretch like crazy, it makes sense to close a curtain when a pet is being noisy—

Finally moving on from S3, we eventually reach the most overt instance of Natsume's astraphobia, and potential origin or exacerbation of it, in the S4 finale (adaptation of chapter 46). This three episode arc is a largely intimate and heart wrenching one as it focuses on Natsume's journey to revisit his childhood home before it gets renovated by its new owners, a task he initially denied himself the permission of doing before realizing Touko and Shigeru would never deny him something so personal. Of course, he wouldn't be Natsume if he didn't attract a youkai along the way, and he's being pursued by one that seeks to feed on the tragic memories he formed while staying with the Aoi family, who was strongly implied to be the first family (if not, one of the first families) he was taken in by after his father's passing.

One of those memories shown to the audience is a younger Natsume relaxing in a shrine while memorizing where his childhood home is located, all in the hopes of gaining more discernible memories of his father and no longer being a burden to Miyoko and her parents.

Unfortunately, he falls asleep at the shrine and consequently loses track of time before having his slumber disturbed by a violent boom of thunder. He's so frightened by the ordeal that he can't even bring himself to rush back to the Aoi family's place, and his exhaustion puts him back to sleep until he's eventually found by some of the neighbors who went out searching for him.

The anime, with the natural strengths it has over the manga, goes the extra mile by not only keeping this portion relatively untouched, but further setting up the scenery and depicting just how rapidly the area goes from peaceful to turbulent. The character animation and voice acting make for a splendid combination and do a wonderful job of capturing this image of a helpless childhood version of Natsume.

What comes soon after this scene is a depressing sequence of events on its own, even more so when we can see he's still reeling from the storm and believing he caused the Aois to get into trouble by not getting back before dark. The adults obviously don't fault Natsume for getting stuck in the storm, but he doesn't see it that way in his shocked state.

The way Miyoko reacts by throwing her frustrations onto him doesn't help either.

And so, after aimlessly running off in his last unsuccessful attempt to find his childhood home, the memory fades away with a somber note as his present self recalls the moment he finally stopped calling for his long gone father.

Now, one could argue that Natsume had his fear of thunder prior to his time with the Aois since we don't have much reference material to work with when concerning his short period of time with his father, and they could be right for all I know. It's common for children to be startled by loud noises and bright flashes since they just aren't quite accustomed to those loud noises and bright flashes being customary for weather disturbances. Natsume, who we know grew up to be pretty sensitive to the things that go on around him, may have been one of those children who felt apprehension anytime a bad storm rolled in, and his father may have been the one to quell his fears back then. So, if we go with the conclusion that his fear didn't originate here, then this scene likely could've aggravated it. But I'm personally leaning a bit more towards the concept of this being the cause of it (partly due to how appealing that conclusion is to the obsessive part of my brain).

His initial reaction to the thunder is seemingly one of surprise rather than fear, and his behavior suggests that he's more concerned with making it back down the mountain before the thunder halts his progress. Although he's seen trying to talk himself down and fails to do so with how relentless the thunderstorm is proving to be, he doesn't need to have preexisting fears or anxieties over thunder to resort to calming himself down.

The dialogue differences strike me as something to consider too, but they're likely irrelevant.

Setting aside everything I just ranted about in the above paragraph, I should specify that I'm not simply pointing to the storm scene as the singular root cause for his future woes. Many psychological problems often aren't so black and white that someone can definitively point to one person or thing as the sole reason for the existence of their psychological problems. And phobias obviously don't always develop as a result of going through or observing a traumatic event; people can grow to fear or strongly dislike something merely by its association with an unpleasant memory or stressful situation. I know I'm starting to stretch hard rn, and this part of the post is getting awfully wordy, just hear me out—

Going back to that aforementioned short period of time with his dad, it's plain to see just how innocent of a time that was for Natsume. He was playful and affectionate with his dad like many children growing up in a healthy environment would be at that age. He doesn't even appear to have an awareness of youkai (if so, only slight enough for it to not become a problem for him just yet). We're shown later on that he would commonly draw around the house too, as evidenced by the nearly two decade old pieces of artwork his father never removed from the kitchen area and closet.

Natsume even proceeds to make a comment about this childhood version of himself likely being the mischievous type for him to run around drawing on surfaces without a care in the world.

He undeniably had his own troubles at that stage of his life though, with one of those troubles being his mom and the empty spot left behind by her passing away. Apart from his heartwarming portrait of a family with both parents, he's also shown lamenting to Miyoko after the death of his dad about not being able to remember his mom. We've seen with those two examples that her absence indeed left an impact on him early on in his life, but he doesn't stay too broken up over her considering how little he got to bond with her, and he doesn't openly despair about the loss of his dad until his growing sense of loneliness and longing becomes too much for him to smooth over.

The point I'm trying (and admittedly struggling) to make here is that after moving in with Miyoko and her parents, the worries on Natsume's plate increased tenfold and weighed him down far more than he was willing to accept at first. Suddenly, this kid had little to smile about in life, taking a glance at his only picture of his parents causes grief and envy to flare up in his chest, he's afraid of being a burden to those who took him under his wing, he's eating less than Miyoko because he's concerned with coming off as too greedy, he feels responsible for Miyoko getting picked on because of his relation to her, he's still learning the way back to the Aoi family's home, and now he's surrounded by all of these weird creatures that apparently no one else can see.

Suddenly, he's no longer that carefree toddler we saw sitting on his dad's lap as the two of them watched over his late mom's garden.

I feel moderately certain about Natsume's experience with the storm, coupled with this pivotal and devastating shift in his life, being the plausible cause for him developing his irrational fear of thunder as a child.

After this arc, we aren't greeted with another scene featuring or centered on his astraphobia until chapter 85 (which doesn't appear to be adapted in S7 judging from the PV😭), and it focuses on Natsume, Tanuma and Taki viewing a limited exhibition at an old inn that has a deep history with youkai. Not too long after the owner engages in conversation with Taki, Natsume and Tanuma briefly comment on how peaceful the inn is making the both of them feel, and a sudden lightning strike cuts through the tranquility of the inn.

It catches everyone off guard and, unsurprisingly, has Natsume frozen in place as Tanuma asks him and Taki if they're alright.

Much like Nyanko-sensei's first time mentioning Natsume's fear, the moment doesn't last long as the gang soon realizes they'll have to spend the night at the inn while they wait for the sudden storm to pass.

By this point in the manga though, Midorikawa has evidently decided to make Natsume's astraphobia a recurring element of the sorts. She could've easily left his astraphobia as another facet of his that we get to see once or twice and never again since it's not serviceable to the story as a whole, but she's started using his phobia as an additional means of displaying his discomfort in any given situation. Having a thunderstorm suddenly appear during a moment of serenity, immediately after Natsume tells Tanuma the place is making him feel strangely good, was a brilliant move of jarring him. And it works especially well here as a sign of the looming threat that'll find its way into the inn over night and slowly creep upon the group the longer they remain there.

Midorikawa pulls this same stunt again to slightly greater effect in chapter 117, where Natsume, Tanuma and Nyanko-sensei happen upon the Kisaragi Manor and find themselves taking part in a ritual for summoning youkai.

It starts with the trio meeting up in the evening to view the bamboo lanterns, but a woman claiming to be in search of a mansion requests their help to find it before it gets too dark, as well as to avoid getting caught in a downpour should the drizzle grow heavier. While Tanuma shows interest in the ritual, and the people they meet are treating them somewhat cordially, Natsume is disconcerted by the arrangement they've found themselves in. He's surrounded by five women he's never met in his life, is once again in an unfamiliar place that feels weird in Nyanko-sensei's own words, and is thrown for a loop by everyone's enthusiasm with the idea of meeting youkai rather than being put off by them.

The group isn't even a minute into their summoning ritual when a huge boom of thunder shakes the room and causes a power outage, sending them into a brief stint of darkness until Hitomi relights the candle.

While waiting for the candle though, Natsume answers Tanuma's question by for once admitting that he's bothered by thunder, leading to Nyanko-sensei characteristically picking on his phobia by calling him a chicken.

Again, the moment is subtle and restricted to one corner of the page, but it sticks the landing. Instead of using the lightning or thunder as a sign of things to come as she's done before, Midorikawa uses them here as an integrant of an already somewhat concerning scene slowly veering towards being disturbing. In addition to selling just how uncomfortable of a situation this is for Natsume, it also depicts how far along he is in his friendship with Tanuma to be honest about an irrational fear we know he'd rather not speak of.

Alas, chapter 117 was our last time seeing thunder scare Natsume, at least until the next time Midorikawa chooses to use his fear to her advantage, unless the anime miraculously surprises us with its own original take as we've seen it isn't afraid to do. What we've been given so far though is plentiful in comparison to many other plot points or quirks that get reused or called back to far less than this one. I won't throw a tantrum if his never gets referenced to or utilized again (which I doubt will happen knowing Midorikawa's writing), but I eagerly anticipate seeing it again should it reappear.

It's captivating to watch this minor detail frequently make it's way back into the story somehow, to the point that it eventually cemented itself as a miniscule yet effective way of shedding different shades of light on the many complexities of Natsume.

[cy-lindric]

bonjour cy-lindric, j'ai une petite question. when I was a young person, I read The Three Musketeers and then eagerly started to read Twenty Years After and was so upset at what had happened to my beloved young heroes that I put the book down and never picked it up. what do you think, should I try again?

Bonjour !

After reading The Three Musketeers, I also wasn't sure I wanted to read Twenty Years After, and I took a break inbetween both to read something entirely different (The Locked Tomb, iirc). I think my reason for that was kind of the opposite of yours ; I enjoyed T3M a lot and loved the characters, flaws and all, but by the end they had somewhat crossed over the line into being Too Awful and the lack of retribution left me a bit frustrated. I didn't see it as a failing of the story - on the contrary, their strong character flaws and downfall in the conflict with Milady is one of the most emotionally intense and compelling parts imo - but I wasn't sure I felt like hanging out with these guys for a few hundred more pages at that point.

If your vision of the characters as a young reader was a very positive and perhaps idealized one, I can imagine why you might not have enjoyed entering into Twenty Years after. The illusion of glory has worn off ; the characters have separated, they live unremarkable lives, and their personalities have evolved drastically with the passing of time. It's almost a brutal return to reality.

For me though, it added layers of characterization to the point where now it's clear to me that this version of the Inseparables is by far the one I prefer.

I hope it's ok if I take the opportunity to talk at length about what I like about TYA below the cut. TL;DR : I love that Twenty Years After is a more realistic look at the big four's personalities and how they evolved while still keeping them thematically coherent, and that TYA makes them confront the reckless and cruel shit they did in their youth.

Spoilers ahead obviously.

We've often talked about how T3M is at its core a story about the end of knighthood. It's a tongue-in-cheek approach at chivalrous initiation, set at edge of the modern world, inbetween the time of ballads about knights in armor and that of adventures about journeying gunmen and soldiers. I think TYA embodies that particularly ; the story of people who have carried the last of these intense, dangerous chivalric ideals in their youths, and who have now grown into middle aged adults who need to find their place in the world.

For a good chunk of the book, the big four are separated into two teams ; that in of itself might discourage some, but imo it's genius. Instead of the natural two-by-pairings, Dumas goes for a d'Artagnan+ Porthos and Athos + Aramis split on opposite sides, which makes for good drama and develops lesser explored dynamics. D'Artagnan and Porthos form a scrappy team of opportunists with money on their minds, and Athos and Aramis a more idealistic duo fighting for a noble lost cause. I think it's a bold choice but also premium sequel writing.

I also love the way the young and wild characters we knew evolve into middle aged men ; at their core, they're still the same, but they've all changed and struggled against the sunset of the golden age in their own ways.

D'Artagnan, after knowing such adventures and subsequent rapid social ascension in his teenage years, has been met in his adult life with the harsh reality that he is, in fact, not a noble knight but a soldier on payroll. His modest origins give him little hope for any further career advancement, and he takes on a new mission in his early 40s for a man he has no devotion for and a cause he doesn't care about, simply because he is bored and broke. D'Artagnan still has his quick wits, his strategic talent, his fencing skills, but he has grown out of the excesses of pride of his teenage years. I loved meeting him again in TYA, and it made so much sense to me that his bouts of anger and aggressivity would be a youthful trait that he'd ended up taming. He also realizes now a lot of what seemed like funny adventures and necessary violence was actually kind of fucked up ; that was a shock to me, as their shenanigans are treated so lightly in T3M, and tbh it healed me a little. Grown up d'Artagnan is cunning, calculating, down to earth and realistic. My foxy little man. I love him.

Porthos, likewise, has been struck by the weight of reality. He has made the sensible choice and got married to the rich widow who sugar mommied him in the first book. Now she's passed, he is rich, but he still fails to earn the respect of the high society he evolves in because he's not high born enough. Like d'Artagnan, he's stagnating and bored and now that he goes back adventuring it has nothing to do with the queen or the kingdom or honour ; it's about getting his damn nobility title.

Athos, on the other hand, is the eternal knight : the only truly high born of the four, and still hopelessly holding on to a time gone by. It's no surprise imo that his storyline brings him into the english civil war, doomed to fail at saving a king who'll end up executed right in front of him. TYA acknowledges more clearly than ever that at 28 yo, Athos was a depressed alcoholic, and an embodiment of what an excess of aristocratic righteousness can do. In TYA, he is sober and moisturized and a DILF, and now he's running around frantically looking for absolution for his numerous crimes. It's delicious.

Aramis is maybe the hardest pill to swallow. TYA confirms the T3M hints that he isn't really the prim and proper romantic boy he acts like he is, and that he's possibly the most hypocritical and ruthless of the four. It might be a harsh one for Aramis fans who like him better as a cute bean, but I love the early onset of remorseless conniving bloodthirsty ambitious Aramis. Another harsh bit might be the evolution of Aramis and d'Artagnan not really liking each other ; they were always the least close combination, and imo it makes sense that their personalities would clash. I think it's clever and compelling conflict.

Now, obviously, if you've cared enough to read all this and if you know me a little, you know that a huge highlight of the book for me was its late-appearing antagonist, Mordaunt. Mordaunt is the son Milady had with her english husband. Because of the Musketeers' intervention, he's grown up in poverty and has been denied his father's inheritance. He's now a Roundhead working for Cromwell, and set on avenging his mother at all costs. Mordaunt, unlike his mother who was this beautiful and dangerous force of nature, is very uncool and pathetic. She was the primordial snake, he's the gutter rat. Obviously, I love that in and of itself, but it's also kind of striking image of the wretchedness of what they've done to her, a fucked up little goblin ghost come back to haunt them as they're trying to make their life worth living again. This time, their enemy is not a cunning political rival with a flamboyance of body and mind akin to their own ; it's a shitty little guy with bad skin who wants to kill the king and punish the murderers. Watch out babes, it's the modern world coming for you.

Of course, they're the Four Musketeers, and they did what they had to do, so they get together again and swear friendship and keep going their way. But they're also old guys with difficult personalities in a world that's never going to be the same. I think it's a cool book.

[azaharinflames]

I saw this post and wanted to use it to speak on something else, bc it inspired me.

Because the thing is that Buck has been shown to take care of everyone in the firefam. To some degree or other, he’s been taking care of them all for a long time. And this season they’ve highlighted just how much he’ll go out of his way to help.

They’ve shown how he’s grown and matured, how he can be a mentor (814 with him and Ravi is a perfect example), how he can take charge of a situation and not crumble under the pressure.

That’s all good. That’s amazing character development if they land it.

But something they haven’t shown us? Is the firefam fully returning that. Not because they don’t want to, it’s just because they don’t see a necessity for that (I don’t want to say this in a malicious way. I just think it’s the most simple way of explaining it)

I think we will see Buck trying to hold everyone together (something I’ll argue has been hinted at in the trailer, when he goes to check on Chim), and he’ll be the rock for everyone else. And no one will reciprocate, because they have their own shit going on.

But you know who potentially will? Yeah.

The person who was there for him to help him escape from the army. The person who stayed behind and was shown to be worried for Buck. Of course he might feel bad for everyone else, but the show made a point of telling us his concern is Buck. And it’s the same person who’s been the only one to actually take care of Buck this whole season. The only one who fed him, when Buck has been feeding everyone else (quite literally).

This show can be very obvious with their metaphors and messages. They don’t do hidden, because the ones they do are easy to read - and I think this might be one.

Maybe, just maybe - they are gearing up for BT reconciliation based on Tommy being the only one able to clock Buck’s feelings about it all, and being the one to give him actual comfort about it.

[yokohamapound]

If you have enough time, could you please write about Fyodor, Dazai, chuuya, and tecchou (You could add more if you want) reacting to their s/o pinching, squeezing, and kissing their both cheeks with a slight nibbling on them? If you don't mind, ty.

This request is so cute and sweet that Ranpo is going to try and steal it. For which I am also adding him to the headcanons~

Characters: Fyodor Dostoevsky, Dazai Osamu, Nakahara Chuuya, Suehiro Tetchou, Edogawa Ranpo

Contains: Smoochies

Fyodor Dostoevsky 

I imagine it takes a little while for you to gather the courage to do this. While Fyodor has a very pretty face, his aloof demeanour and sinister edge don’t encourage people to touch him casually. Obviously, as his partner you have much more freedom in this sense, but it was probably still a while before you reached out and pinched his cheek.

Fyodor’s surprise is fascinating to see. He lets out a small, throaty laugh, raising an eyebrow at you for your impulsive gesture. 

“What prompted that, may I ask?”

His amusement is only compounded when you follow your pinching up with kisses. He’ll allow you to get away with it for a moment or two before he takes your chin and asks if you’re so terribly in need of his attention. If you ask ever so sweetly, he might just give it to you. 

Dazai Osamu

No matter how gently you pinch his cheek, Dazai will overplay it. He’ll widen his eyes into big chocolate brown pools and pout, clutching his cheek (conveniently trapping your hand against the side of his face).

“You’re so cruel, bella!” he proclaims. 

He’ll require you to kiss it better, and will not stop at just one. It’ll take multiple kisses to stop “the pain”.

Despite all his whining, Dazai enjoys your soft, playful affection. Just be warned that he’ll repay you tenfold, and probably in public, too. He has no shame, (which is incredibly ironic when you consider the first line of No Longer Human). 

Nakahara Chuuya

Chuuya cleaves very tightly to his “tough guy” reputation. He’s slick, he’s cool, he’s a dangerous executive from the Port Mafia. He can’t be having you pinching his cheeks and cooing at him over how cute he is. Even if he is pretty cute. 

It’s a little bit hypocritical, since one of his favourite “cool guy” ways to greet you is to pinch your cheek and be like, “Hey, dollface.” 

If you do it, be prepared for him to sputter and turn his face away, his ears burning red and starting to blend in with his hair. 

“Tch, the hell was that for?!”

He’s a little mollified if you follow it up with a kiss, but only moderately. He frowns at you in that grumpy way of his and rolls his eyes. “Fine, you’re forgiven. Just don’t ever do that in front of the guys, you got it?”

Suehiro Tetchou

Tetchou’s face doesn’t show much reaction the first time you reach out and pinch his cheek, squishing the flesh of his face between your thumb and forefinger. His eyes slide toward you, but apart from a blink, he seems stoic.

“Are you testing the strength of my facial muscles?” he asks, quite serious. “I can make them stronger. I will.”

You have to explain to the dolt that it’s just an expression of affection. You’ve also developed a habit of kissing those three little markings under his left eye. He normally shuts that eye and lets you get away with it. 

Edogawa Ranpo 

I feel like this request was made for Ranpo. Amongst the right people, this young man inspires such a prodigious amount of cute aggression that you’re practically shaking with the need to pinch his cheeks. 

Depending on his mood and current snack level, Ranpo might placidly accept it as you tug on his cheek like it’s made of playdoh, or he might bat your hand away like a cat, or he might try to nip at your fingers. 

He might pout a little when you grab his face in your hands and start covering his cheeks in kisses, muttering that he is a grown man, you know. That said, he doesn’t mind being considered cute and adorable, so long as you recognise he’s the World’s Greatest Detective. 

“If I’m so cute, why aren’t you spoiling me more?”

[mintedwitcher]

do you remember how tommy was jealous of the firefam? do you remember how buck said that especially during the hard times, it is good that somebody has your back? it is laughable in retrospect. look at season 8 now. long before bobby's death, the show decided to stop writing the characters as real friends. this has become even more apparent in the latest episode. people talk shit about the buckley parents but they willingly went to therapy with buck and had his back ever since from what we have seen. to see them having more character develoment than eddie, who has not developed nor learned a single thing since season 3 💀 so i say: tommy, no need to be jealous! i think the firefam doesn't deserve its name anymore! maybe it IS time for buck to leave and start his own little family unit with tommy. i think he would be happier actually.

!!!!!!!!!! anon I am kissing you on the forehead (with consent)

yes, exactly. the "firefam" has been dead in the water since season 4/5 at most, and even before then, Buck was never really part of it. He was always on the outskirts. Bobby kept him included, but the rest of them? they have ties to each other, not so much to Buck. they had to be reminded and scheduled to visit him while he was recovering from getting hit by fucking lightning.

at this point I genuinely believe Buck should transfer out. let him join a new team, let him make actual friends, give him a support system who ACTUALLY care about him, and not just what he can DO for them. he'll stay connected to the 118 through the job and through Maddie, but he doesn't need to be in it anymore, not when he's being treated like the unwanted child all the time. he's grown so much since season 1. it's time for him to outgrow the 118.

(also yes of course Tommy should be part of Buck's new family bc he deserves to have someone who loves him the way Tommy does.)

[toorumlk]

Hi I'm so freaking obsessed with your twitter.

Also what's your favorite Romione moment in the books and why?

ohohoho thank you, friend, i’m quite proud of some of the stuff i’ve posted on there B)

and as for my favourite romione moment in the books, when i read the question i first blanked out for a couple minutes, thinking of a bunch of smaller, sillier scenes. but then i remembered that i do have a favourite and it’s from chapter 11 of DH, when remus visited the trio at grimmauld place and filled them in on he goings on of the war -including the implementation of the muggle-born registry. ron’s response upon hearing this (after his immediate outrage) was

and it’s not just the hand holding and the “‘you won’t have a choice’ said Ron fiercely” that played out so vividly in my head like this:

but this scene demonstrates so perfectly the political weight of this pairing (muggleborn/blood traitor) which i think is the immovable narrative foundation of romione. all of their silly moments and idiosyncrasies aside, there is genuine narrative purpose behind this love. ron has always had an astute understanding of the blood supremacist politics of the wizarding world (need i remind that he was ready to curse shitco at the ripe age of 12 for calling hermione the in-universe slur) and just how wrong it is. ron is a pure-blood wizard and by design has so much privilege in this society bc of it, but by virtue of having parents like arthur and molly, he’s grown up knowing the importance of fighting against blood supremacist ideology. always.

so, after hearing about the completely horrifying muggleborn registry ("People won't let this happen," said Ron. "It is happening, Ron," said Lupin.), he immediately turns to his muggleborn best friend and love of his life and says “i’m making you a family member, i’m going to use the protection my family-name has and use it to protect you from the awful injustice of our situation, no you won’t have a choice but to let me help you”

i remember having such a… visceral reaction while reading this scene like holy shit .. these kids, THESE KIDS!!!!! this is the bone-marrow-deep love that makes me feel insane. this dynamic of the blood traitor/muggleborn always there, from CoS all the way to the epilogue. We get to see that romione is the story’s pure blood/muggleborn that finally made it (rip jily and tedromeda :(). we see it in hermione keeping her muggle last name after they get married (oh my god these two actually got married) and we also see it in the hyphenated Granger-Weasley (granger being first!) in their kids’ last names (oh my gof these two had TWO kids). they are a true symbol of change and progress in their world.

also this is one of those moments where i’m so glad that our only window to romiones relationship development is through harry’s narration because it so brilliantly shows the readers this blossoming love story instead of just telling us about it because harry obviously doesn’t have access to the inner thoughts of his two best friends, he can only witness them fall deeper in love. showing the audience acts of love is always more powerful and my god is this an act of showing your love to your beloved.

(and not to go on an unrelated tangent, but this is exactly why i could never ship my girl hermione w any DE or DE-adjacent character. no fucking way. not when the concept of a muggle-born registry exists in this universe, not when the antagonists in this story wish to eradicate people like her from their society. idk about the rest of y’all but im going to keep taking the narrative seriously bc the worldbuilding obviously has real world ties/implications and i like engaging with the canon. tangently to the tangent, i saw someone (a ron basher) on twitter say that ron, OUR RON FROM THE ABOVE EXCERPT, was “one bad day away from becoming a death eater” ohhhh ohhh i ought to beat you with sticks bc HUH? this is the same kid who said he would’ve boarded the train back to kings cross if he got sorted to slytherin, the house notorious for birthing DEs, at the tender age of 11)

anyways, all this to say is that romione is incredibly, realistically, materially romantic and i love them and i love their love <3

[buskingalbatross]

AmazingPhil channel marathon musings

during a pre-show q&a back in november, in response to a question about what show someone should binge next, dan said they should watch all of the AmazingPhil channel from the start. I was not the person who asked this (nor was I at this show), but regardless I did decide I wanted to take dan’s suggestion seriously. just a few days ago, I finished watching all of AmazingPhil in chronological order. and now i really want to talk about what it was like and why I would recommend marathoning his channel to pretty much anyone—because it was a blast.

I watched all of the 369 currently public AmazingPhil videos over the course of 35 days, which is from my perspective a pretty casual marathon. 369/35 = roughly 11 videos a day, though due to algorithm and monetization policy stuff, phil’s videos became longer in duration around 2015-2016; for many years, most of his videos were around 4 minutes long or less, which for me meant that early on in this marathon I was watching more videos per day, and then later on my pace slowed. phil’s videos with dan are usually pretty long as well, so if I had something like a baking video or wdapteo up next to watch, I might have only watched one or two videos that day. 

unsurprisingly, watching all of phil’s videos in order in a relatively short span of time gave me a really cool perspective on how phil has grown as a person and as a YouTuber over the past eighteen years. surprising to me, though, was how I felt like watching his channel in such a linear way felt a bit like coming to know who phil is for the very first time, again. despite having watched his videos for over a decade, i feel like i understand his style and creativity and personality more fully, and in general better, than I did before. watching 2007 phil become 2009 phil become 2011 phil and so on in the span of a few days or a week meant seeing clearly how his sense of humor evolved, how his editing and creativity developed, how his perspectives on life and relationship with his audience shifted. much as when you binge an entire tv or book series and immediately afterwards feel like you’re brimming with information, and have all the context, that’s sort of how I felt. and it was new for me because I’d never done that with phil’s content before—I’d never followed the course of his life the way you might a fictional character’s. 

AmazingPhil is also an incredible capsule of 2000s, 2010s, and 2020s Western internet culture, obviously. it’s like an anthropologist from the future with a very hyperspecific thesis topic’s dream treasure horde. what a person can learn about one corner of the world, and one corner of society, from AmazingPhil’s videos is, well, a lot. I see so much cultural value in AmazingPhil, it’s insane. his videos are not sketches, essays, and commentaries on society and life like Dan’s, but I’d make the argument (as I’m sure most of you would) that they’re just as important and critical to helping people understand themselves and the world they live in. and the kind of people they want to be, too, perhaps.

there were also certain videos that stuck with me more than they had in the past. I discovered new favorite videos and videos that I considered more interesting than I previously had. (I tried just now to make a list of some of these but it rapidly got too long, so instead I’ll restrict myself to mentioning only one, a new favorite, from 2021: “I Got Catfished.” - which i think is a fantastic example of phil’s storytelling style). dnp have both said before that they view life as a performance – and phil is without a sliver of doubt a magical and incredible performer. he knows so well how to tell stories with words, pacing, structures, and effects that are hilarious and entertaining; he turns anecdotes from his life into these amazing whimsical pieces of art made in a way no other person has ever made things. YouTube has from the beginning presented him with the perfect way to be creative in a way that suits him. and more than that, i found that it was never even remotely unpleasant to watch his videos every day for over a month. there is simply not an AmazingPhil video that doesn’t bring me joy and make me sit there smiling like a fool. my cheek muscles are probably stronger than they were 35 days ago. 

so, to you I say, go: watch all of AmazingPhil, draw your own conclusions from his current oeuvre and deepen your parasocial relationship with Phil Lester in ways you cannot yet comprehend. I really recommend. 

(final notes: one side effect of watching all of phil’s videos was being unexpectedly yet thoroughly convinced he does indeed possess psychic talents. even though i don’t believe in magical anything, i do now believe phil lester inherited prescience from his grandmother.) 

(also dan is completely right that every time phil changes his hair, he regenerates into an entirely new man.)

(also also I made an AmazingPhil spotify playlist that is highly specific to my music tastes but that anyone is welcome to listen to all the same) ✨🐗💙🥱