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astaroth1357 · 4 years

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(Yes, I still have more requests but I need a creativity break. This has been in my drafts for a while so I share it with you now)

How to Comfort Your Demon Boyfriend

Have Some Sympathy for the Devil...

Demons are amoral beings by nature. This lack of natural empathy and ethical restraint can make them appear to be heartless, but nothing is farther from the truth. In fact, your beloved hellspawn can feel happiness and love just as well as you can but that also means they can experience sadness too... When this happens it’s only natural to want to cajole your lover back to high spirits, but this task can be easier said than done. For cases when your demon has taken up sorrow, our guide How to Comfort Your Demon Boyfriend is here to help! This volume will offer you some of the best advice on the market for how to bring your demon back to happiness as any lover would want to do. With our help, you should see that frown lift right off your partner’s face just like when they torment the beings left for eternal damnation, guaranteed!

Lucifer

Lucifer will not want to make his sorrow known to you at first. He prefers to present an image of power and composure which in his mind goes against the vulnerability sadness can bring. You will have to be mindful and watch out for changes in his behavior.

If he is: avoiding your presence, working even more than usual, being stricter on others, emotionally distant, isolating himself, or listening to an inordinate amount of classical music it may be time to intervene.

Engage Lucifer on this only when he is alone. This won’t be too difficult as he will likely be avoiding people anyway.

Approaching Lucifer on a matter this sensitive should be done with caution and great care. You have very little room for error. If you make a gaff or try to speak to him in a way he deems belittling, then he may shut you out further and then you’re back at square one.

Do you best to convey concern, compassion, and sincerity. In your mind you should not be speaking to the Avatar of Pride right now. You should be approaching someone very dear to you whom you can tell is hurting.

If Lucifer is not ready to speak, he will try to console you but give you no concrete answers for his behavior. This is normal, and a tad frustrating, but not a complete shutdown. You can wait for a time (at least overnight) and then try again.

Do not interrogate him. He may not feel comfortable divulging why he's upset just yet. Simply tell him what you’ve noticed about his behavior and express concern.

When Lucifer is finally ready to tell you what has him so gloomy, take care to listen intently. He may only admit this once.

Once the information is out in the open, assess what can be done and what advice you can offer. Lucifer isn’t one to speak idly about his problems, he will likely be seeking some kind of actionable guidance more than a willing ear. Offer all suggestions empathetically, with the understanding that he values your opinion even if he doesn't take your advise.

A new plan of action will likely soothe him the most, but if he still appears to be troubled after your discussion you can offer him further relaxation options: tea, a hot bath, more classical music, pleasant conversation, etc.

Now that he’s let you in, he shouldn’t begrudge your presence anymore so remain with him for as long as you feel is necessary. To some extent, Lucifer needs solitude to sort out his thoughts but he’s not the best at doing the same for his emotions. Remind him, gently, that some battles take two to win.

Mammon

If Mammon is upset, you’re probably going to know about it. Where Lucifer is reserved and secretive, Mammon is overt and transparent. He may not mean to be but it is what it is. He wears his heart on his sleeve.

Signs that Mammon may be in distress include: avoidance to particular topics, unconvincing denial, crying, clinginess, impulsivity, and, in extremes, desperation.

If Mammon is upset he will naturally gravitate to you for comfort. This certainly makes your task easier so long as you pick up on the signs quickly.

Physical closeness will do wonders for easing his mood. If you’re alone, I’d suggest holding him in some way but doing so in public may make him too embarrassed to actually enjoy your comfort. If you’re with others, allow him to hold you.

Get him talking. It won’t be very difficult, so just let him air out what the problem is. He may just need to complain about a bad day or some unfair treatment and that’s totally fine. Offer him a sympathetic ear.

After he’s done speaking, assess where his mood is now. If he still seems particularly gloomy, it may be the time to deploy other measures to bring him back to happiness.

Affection and humor are the best methods to use when dealing with a sad Mammon. Make a joke at the expense of whoever/whatever is troubling him then take the time to remind him of something positive about himself or your bond. He won’t accept these compliments verbally (but he won’t want you to stop them either).

If even this is not enough (and you’re feeling generous), you can offer to take him shopping or out to eat on your expense. Be warned that he will NEVER refuse this offer and you best have the funds to cover his (immense) expenses. Grimm can’t buy you happiness, but if you’re Mammon it comes very, very close.

Leviathan

Chances are if Levi is sad it’s due to an insecurity of some kind nagging at him. Like Mammon, he generally won’t be very subtle about it.

Look for these signs: melancholy, self-deprecation, envious statements, the phrase “It’s not fair!,” increased anime/game usage, crying, loss of appetite, lack of sleep, increased possessiveness.

Leviathan will periodically go through moods of self-doubt that will cause him to deflate and draw inward. He will not be able of pull himself out of these recurring regressions so it will be up to you to take notice of when he’s struggling.

If you see signs that he is falling victim to his thoughts, it's best to comfort him some before getting to the bottom of what’s wrong.

Find a way to hold him, if he’s currently playing a game then either wait for him to reach a stopping point or ask politely if he will pause so you can give him some affection. He will likely cling onto you in some way once he’s ready to speak. This is normal behavior, allow him to be as close as he needs and pat his head. He will find this soothing.

Now gently ask him what has him so upset and assess the situation. Levi may have several insecurities but always remember that he also has many strengths. Downplay his weaknesses and bolster those strengths when necessary.

He may not appear to believe your compliments at first, but this initial denial is normal. DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED. Your words mean more to him than anyone else’s, even his own. There will be a point where he stops attempting to refute your claims, that is a sign that they have reached him.

With his self-esteem bolstered, seal the deal with more affection. Kisses, hugs, and other forms of intimacy are all acceptable as he is in sore need of all options. Monitoring Levi’s emotional wellbeing is not a task for the faint of heart, yet it can still be a rewarding experience to those who wish to love this awkward otaku.

Satan

Satan takes a little after Lucifer in that he won’t be very obvious when he’s upset, but even more so because he’s already very used to acting against what he may be feeling.

Signs that Satan is in need of comfort will be subtle, but not impossible to spot. Look for if: he’s reading at nearly all times or gravitating especially toward one particular topic (this will be in response to a problem he may be facing), irritability, impatience, melancholy, or he’s more quiet/withdrawn than usual.

It is best to approach Satan about this in solitude but you need not be in private.

There is little need to walk on eggshells when asking him about his mood. Simply present your concerns in an honest and compassionate manner. Chances are, he was only hiding his problems so not to trouble you. Being direct in telling him that he doesn’t burden you will likely get him to open up just fine.

Again, like Lucifer, he will probably be seeking a solution to what’s bothering him more than he will need to vent. It’s alright if you don’t have an answer for him right away, if he’s looking for one himself it may not be a very simple problem.

Offer your support and maybe help him brainstorm what sort of steps he can take. Knowing that you’ve noticed his emotional state and are behind him fully will reassure him greatly.

If this problem has him particularly downtrodden, offer him a good book or some sort of cat-related activity/item. This should perk him up considerably because the thing he loves second to only you, is cats.

Asmodeus

If Asmodeus is upset, you WILL know.

He is not subtle in the slightest so finding signs won’t be much of a challenge. If he is: crying, moping, acting uncharacteristically withdrawn, shying away from partying, buying excessive amounts of makeup/clothing/jewelry, etc. then he is likely in need of comfort.

Approach Asmo anywhere that you can find him and ask him why he what's wrong. There isn’t any need to hide his feelings from others, he’s very open about his emotions.

He will probably tell you immediately and may need to vent in the process. Listen patiently to what he has to say with a sympathetic ear. This is a therapeutic release for him and a very important step towards making him feel better.

Once he’s done, offer him physical comfort. A hug or kisses should suffice, but it can be taken farther to whatever level you are most comfortable with. He will appreciate any contact that’s offered regardless.

If time passes and he still seems unusually somber, offer to take him shopping or to go to a spa of some kind. This may not completely rid him of his sadness, but it will help bring him back to higher spirits.

Asmodeus’ emotions run deep and can be very intense, both in highs and lows. Do not feel inadequate if it takes a few days to fully rid him of a bad mood. Just be there for him as best you can and he will love and be grateful to you for every minute of it, regardless.

Beelzebub

Beelzebub is not likely to voice his sadness, but it can still be picked up on pretty quickly if you know what to look for.

Look for these signs: he’s eating less/smaller portions than usual, unfinished plates, general looks of sorrow or unhappiness, exercising more/in excess of what's healthy, and gravitation towards comfort foods.

The first thing to note is there’s a chance that his sadness isn’t his own, but Belphegor’s just carrying over to him due their twin connection. It may be advantageous to check on Belphie before approaching Beel just in case. (For more on cheering up Belphegor, consult the next section).

If Belphie is fine, then go to Beel and gently ask him what’s wrong. Again, there is little need to beat around the bush here. Like Satan, he probably just didn’t want to trouble you.

The chances are that he’s upset about a family matter or he’s having nightmares again. If it’s a problem within the family, first ascertain if there’s an upset between him and Belphie. If the twins are having a spat, the best way to cheer him up would be to help resolve it.

For other family related issues, please seek out our supplementary material: On Demonic Family Relations & How to Resolve Demonic Family Squabbles

If he’s having nightmares, then you should consider monitoring what food he eats before bed and stay with him while he sleeps if you are not already. It will comfort him to have you close. The nightmares should pass eventually, but be there to give him love and support until they do.

Beel may look big and intimidating, but he has the most heart of any demon out there. If he has gifted it to you, it’s only natural for you to feel distressed if he’s not acting like his usual self. Just remember that a downcast Beel is not the end of the world, nor something that can’t be righted with a bit of love and effort to reach out.

Belphegor

In truth, Belphegor is more prone than the rest to suffer from bouts of sadness regularly. There may not be an obvious cause for these dips in mood, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t things you can do to help.

Belphie is very hard to read at times so physical indicators of sadness won’t be easy to catch. It may take some added familiarity with him to know when he’s acting differently than usual. Stay patient, vigilant, and empathetic. You will pick up on it eventually.

Look for these signs: increased apathy, melancholy, excessive sleepiness (yes, even more sleepy somehow), irritability, lack of appetite, and general withdrawal from the world around him.

It may be best just to ask Belphie how he’s feeling on a somewhat regular basis, but be careful not to frame your questions as if they’re coming from a place of excessive worry. He won’t want to feel as if you pity him or find him to be overly fragile, this is just a part of his daily life after all.

Beel can also be used as an indicator of Belphie’s emotional state. If Beel is looking particularly sad, it might be good to check on his twin just in case.

If it’s not a good day for him, he may not tell you outright. You will need to read between the lines. Watch where his eyes go as he answers and how long it takes him to respond. If he refuses to look at you or takes a little longer than he should to say he's alright, he may be struggling even if he claims to be fine.

Thankfully, there are very easy ways to bring Belphie a bit of comfort. Offering to nap together or cuddle is by far the easiest method and he will rarely refuse the opportunity. You can also make plans to go some place with him and Beel. Spending time with his twin will significantly improve his mood, at least under most circumstances.

If he and Beel are not currently on speaking terms, this could be another reason he's upset. Helping to resolve the issue should bring him back to good spirits, so do so post-haste.

Belphegor is a melancholic individual on principle. Though you may want to see him be cheerful more often, to some extent that’s just not a part of his nature. Don’t blame yourself if you can’t seem to get him to appear happy most days, the chances are that just having you there is doing more for him than you could ever know. Just remember that when he says he loves you he does, in fact, mean it.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios

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frustrated-writer-skyeknight · 3 years

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HiJack AU - Rise of the Guardians Plotbunnies

First

I realize I didn’t really explain much about what Dimitri does.

So then...

If what I read online is correct, before becoming a Nightmare guy (in the books), Pitch was a guardian of fears or something. Then, Pitch heard something from what he was guarding and he thought his daughter (mother nature) got trapped on the other side of the gate he was guarding. He opened the door, the darkness overcame him and he became Pitch Black.

Mother Nature (to be portrayed by Anastasia) is safe. It was the darkness playing mind games with him that got him to open the gate.

So I’m not sure if this is the books or if it’s fanfiction writing, but yeah, that’s the plot here.

To that extent, Dimitri guards the gates. Sometimes, there are tiny minions who manage to sift through so his job is to track them and return them to their prison.

Also, a special message to my friend @hamish-fanfic-fangirl for being my source of encouragement for a long time, so far as fanfic writing is concerned.

It may just be a hobby, but it’s a hobby that keeps me sane during the pandemic. So I was frustrated for the longest time (frustrated-writer-skyeknight, lol, that’s me) when I’ve been stuck in blockage.

Now don’t get me wrong.

I’ll write my fanfics regardless of the attention of Kudos or comments or Hits. I write the stories I want to read my self anyway. No one else wants to read it? That’s fine. I do.

But that being said, there’s only so much I can do to push myself in wanting to write when the words won’t come. Still, I don’t feel the need to rush it since no one seems to keen on letting me know that they want an update, so whatever.

Though you never demanded for updates, and you read my works without an expectation for it to be (which I appreciate a lot), that’s exactly what it does though. Just one person, appreciating the works and efforts of putting ideas into writing. You share my hype in the stories I’m writing, and just one line, one word, or one comment from you brightens my day.

I don’t think I can ever fully express how much that means to, and this is just an attempt of it. Because everyone deserves to know that they’re appreciated, and you made me feel that way and I hope this expresses that you’re appreciated too.

SO THANK YOU VERY MUCH

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Now on to the plot(easter)bunnies!!

🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰

What in the name of the Moon are Sprites?

Who were they before they became aides?

Hiccup - Curiosity Sprite

Jack - Fun Sprite

Jim - Creativity Sprite

Dimitri - Cunning Sprite

Astrid - Bravery Sprite

Jamie - Imagination Sprite

You get the idea.

Sprites, in a sense, are invisible entities. For humans, they act as “conscience” of sorts.

For example, since Astrid is a Sprite of Bravery, she inspires kids to do the most daring and sometimes dangerous antics. She uses her powers to make sure they’re not injure though.

Hiccup is a Curiosity Sprite, he affects children nearby and hence, they ask questions a lot.

Kid: Why is the sky blue now but orange at the afternoon?

Parent: Because it’s morning now.

Kid: Why is it only blue in the morning?

Parent: Because the sun is up high.

Kid: Why....

When Jim’s nearby, he inspires the children’s creativity. (Drawing, Crafts, Story telling, simple token presents for parents, etc.) Without guidance from an adult, children would be able to make sand castles on their own.

Jamie’s presence actually lets the children live in their imagination, although outsiders looking in won’t be able to see it. Kid playing the floor is lava? Then they actually see that the floor is lava when he’s around. Clouds look like a castle? Boom. It is a castle.

At first, his influence is perceived negatively. When he’s around, the naughty side of children arises causing them to create mischief. But that is also part of being a child; doing wrong things or making mistakes to learn from them. Dimitri needs the assistance of other Sprites to ensure that the development of this characteristic doesn’t get worse.

Now Jack, well, he’s a Sprite too. Unlike the others though, he isn’t contented in being invisible and never to be seen. He just does his own thing. Instead of being intentional in his influence of inspiring fun out of children, he just does what he wants. He’s not causing harm though, so the Guardians are fine leaving him on his own.

That is, until Manny, with Anastasia, spoke to the Guardians to make an important announcement... She has chosen Jack Frost as her Aide. Which shock them to the core, because Mother Nature has never needed an Aide.

Why did he need one now? They need all the Aides, including Jack, to redeem Pitch and return him to being Kozmotis.

Note: They shrink in size when crossing to the human dimension. But in the Supernatural dimension, they're real size. So when Dimitri goes hunting for Minions, he can sense when they're nearby when at the human dimension. When he senses that, he crosses back to the supernatural dimension, while at the same area in Earth to confront the minions.

Think of it as... A fight going on around you but you just don't see it. They would protect humans from the darkness, and it's all happening around you. You just don't see it, because of the barrier.

Relationship dynamics at the start

In cinematic parallel, let’s say... It would be their first onscreen appearance

Jack talks and spends time with Hiccup whenever the Aide was on a job nearby. They race, for fun. Hiccup on his dragon, and Jack using his control on the Winds to help him speed up his flight.

Jim usually comes along with Dimitri whenever he had to make runs to recapture darkness minions. Also, in case they encounter children during Dimitri’s patrol, Jim’s Creativity influence combats Dimitri’s so they ensure that the mischief of the children don’t get overboard.

Jamie shares all his experiences and what imagination he had children feel as if they lived through with Astrid. With his ability, he can also conjure up illusions. This helps Astrid train her combat skills, with Jamie’s assistance it makes for a useful simulation.

The aides all have certain combat specs. Dimitri does have the job to capture darkness minions, but he can’t be everywhere all at once. He can teleport though. So, while waiting for Dimitri, if they encounter creatures of darkness, they keep them at bay until Dimitri arrives.

❄❄HiJack🔥🔥

So far, I’ve been doing concept building for this AU. Next one would have actual plot parallels.

Thank you for reading!

#ChildOfSolace plotbunnies #Jack Frost #Hiccup Haddock #Astrid Hofferson #Jamie Bennett #Dimitri Sudayev #Jim Hawkins #HuJack AU

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undyingsunshine · 3 years

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YESSSSS YOU’RE BACK AND TAKING ASKS

14 and 15 for the most recent post, and I’m gonna come back with more too

Here we go!!!!

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

Honestly, it usually differs from piece to piece! Usually, though, the title comes last! (Though I do have a short list of potential titles for Li Cu fics stored away, most of which are just lyrics from songs xD Whether I end up using them or not, only time will tell!)

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

All of these tend to give me a bit of trouble xD if I was to rank from hardest to easiest however, I think I'd say titles are the hardest and tags tend to be the easiest. For summaries I usually just slap a portion of the fic in and then add a small almost-summary below it, mostly because I feel like giving a sample of the fic will be more effective than trying to give a succinct description? Kind of shows you what you're getting into before you've even clicked xD

Titles, I use a lot of lyrics from songs, especially ones that I think fit with the character. Though, this does sometimes mean my titles are... long and it can make it a little awkward when trying to talk about the fics themselves. xD

Examples include;

"Come with me, I promise the water is fine..." Which is a lyric from God Bless Eric Taylor by Marietta, a song that I relate to Li Cu somewhat.

This next one is the title of a chapter instead of a whole fic, but I'll count it anyway xD Chapter 2 of I'm Here is titled: "I have this dream that I'm hitting my dad with a baseball bat and he is screaming and crying for help..." which is from the song Father by The Front Bottoms.

I ideally try to make it so that the lyrics also match up with the contents of the chapter/fic. I'm Here's second chapter is all about Li Cu's nightmares, so I thought the title would be pretty fitting xD Honestly, thinking back maybe I could've added more types of dreams.... Ones that fit that title even more.... Small rewrite of that Chapter perhaps? I don't think it would be that different, but still... Would add more angst onto everything xD

The title for "Come with me..." Also sort of relates to the contents of the fic, but moreso in the following line that appears in the summary: "I need something else to comvince me I won't die."

Honestly these lines could have me ranting a whole lot, especially in relation to Li Cu. Just makes me think of all his conflicted feelings, and how he must feel when he drags his friends into the mess he didn't even make. (And these feeling really would increase after Su Wan blames him for the snake bite and getting Shen Qiong inveolved, and during just... the entirety of the time he, Yang Hao, Su Wan and Liang Wan are in the desert together. (ESPECIALLY when Yang Hao is being absolutely mistreated by the 9 families, like sheesh.)

It's just a whole lot of guilt, but also maybe some stubborn determination? Li Cu is very adamant on living just to spit in the face of everyone around him. Existing out of pure spite, but with friends involved, it's more like he's existing to fulfil a purpose? One that he feels like he's bestowed upon himself. Not Wu Xie, or Rishan, or anyone. Just him. He stays alive so he can protect his friends. He'll keep them safe, he'll get them home alive. He has to. And he knows that he will. Or else, what is he even persevering for? "I need something to convince me I won't die." In the fic, this could also be referring to Wu Xie, as he kind of marks safety by the end of the drama. Wu Xie being there means it's okay. It means he doesn't have to fight anymore. And in the fic, it also means that Li Cu can let go. Of Everything. Permanently. (I have so many branching ideas based on that 300 word demon of a fic, you wouldn't even believe)

ANYWAY I'LL STOP RANTING ABT THAT FIC MAYBE I'LL TALK ABOUT THAT FIC MORE IN DEPTH SOME OTHER TIME IF PPL WANT IT.

As for tags, I struggle mostly because I never know what's okay to tag? I'm afraid of tagging a fic with something if the content of that particular tag doesn't show up all that much in the fic? Unless it's something that's a potnential trigger, and then I'll tag it, even if it's small. Just ot be safe. But like. Characters, I don't tag unless they're actually there and present and doing something. If they're mentioned, I tend to not tag them since it's not all that crucial? For people to know they show up for a second? Idk, I like to be as succinct and precise as possible with my tags, because I know how annoying it is for tags to be clogged or for fics to have too many tags xD

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

I have a few, surprisingly! I'll choose two, both from the second chapter of I'm Here!

"Each one makes him wake up, terrified and shaky and wanting to hide or just outright stop existing; to become intangible, untouchable, safe. Of course, he can't actually do that, so instead he pushes the fear down and suffocates it before burying it in the backyard of his mind in the hopes it'll never be dug up again."

Something I try and do while writing is find ways to explain how I. Just. Experience life? (This is also present in Chapter 1 with the line "Further frustration gathered in his chest, making it tighten with stress before it shot up into his throat". Just little things that I've never really seen in words before? That I feel but never know how to accurately describe.) There's always the whole "let the void swallow me/him/her/them whole" thing in media that I love because, honestly, mood. But I guess for this I just wanted to word it differently? In the way I felt was most accurate to myself. Just to be in a state of which nothing can get you, be it life or that one imaginary demon that you sometimes think is lurking around the house at the convenient time of 3 AM, Y'know? When real life becomes TOO real and you just want to blip out for a second, just pause everything and have a moment to be free of everything xD

I also just kind of like the metaphor(?) with his fear. Trust Li Cu to not only associate feelings with violence, but also treat his feelings violently xD I feel like I'm not the best when it comes to imagery and creative expression, especially through words. I point out the obvious, the facts, a lot, both when speaking normally and in writing, and it takes a bit of time for me to remember that I'm writing a story and not jotting a list of events xD So anytime I actually come up with something more kind of creatively written, I feel particularly happy with myself.

"He can't even fully comprehend what's been going on - everything feels bizarre and just out of reach, moreso than usual - but what he does know is that Wu Xie is here and he's angry. The man stands above Li Cu, his cold calculating eyes burning him with wordless accusations that, despite their ambiguity, feel justified. There's guilt, desperation and denial crashing inside him like waves assaulting a rickety raft on a stormy sea. What these feelings are for, he doesn't know. It makes him want to plead for forgiveness all the same."

Let's be honest, Li Cu probably has way too many mixed feelings on Wu Xie. The man who simultaneously built him up and destroyed him. The man who caused him agony, but is also probably one of the best things to come into Li Cu's life??? Like damn, I think I'd be pretty conflicted if I was Li Cu. And things only get worse when, in this fic's timeline, Wu Xie essentially ghosts Li Cu out of guilt for what he did to the kid. This is taken wrong by Li Cu, and he ends up feeling abandoned. By his own kidnapper. I just feel like this snippet is pretty okay at capturing all the blame he puts onto himself, and captures some of the trauma that comes with the events of Sha Hai as well. I just kind of like how this paragraph turned out in the end. xD

6. What character do you have the most fun writing

LI CU!!! Absolutely Li Cu. I don't know exactly what it is but it just. Clicks with me? Or at least the version I write of himd does, it's probably not even close to Li Cu's canon portrayal xD Maybe it's because of the fact that I'm also an angsty, angry 19 year old that I feel as such? It's much easier to put myself in the mind of a teenage boy rather than a 40 year old man xD In terms of non DMBJ writings, I have OCs that I love writing for! Funnily enough, one is an angsty 19 year old boy with a lot of self-worth issues (ringing any bells?) and the other is an angry, confused and conflicted character that was modified to be a kind of living weapon, but had since escaped and repressed all their memories of what happened. Though, the memories eventually start to resurface and they begin to question themself a whole lot, with flashbacks haunting the corners of their mind and driving them deeper and deeper into guilt-filled despair.

In general, angsty characters with a lot of conflicted emotions are super fun to write for! To flicker around from thought to thought and dive into all the hidden feelings that a character can have. It's just super enjoyable for me xD

#writing this while also writing an essay #it's helping me turn those rusty head gears #i feel like i can finally write things again xD #THANK YOU FOR THE ASKS SIERRA! I hope my answers were satisfactory!! xD #i think i went way too off-topic with some of these but honestly when do i ever stay on topic????#ask game #undying prattle #ramblerambleramble #miiiight edit this tomorrow to make it more comprehensible #but for now you can have this mess of a post xD

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emmys-grimoire · 4 years

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Season 2 review

It is done!

I’ll preface this review with the obvious but nevertheless important: these are my opinions. I am fine with others criticizing my opinions, mind you, but I’m usually disinclined to changing them. Like most opinionated people.

And as with most things covered in this blog, spoilers ahead. Don’t read it if you don’t like ‘em.

The Good

I believe the devs did the side characters justice in terms of character development, which is impressive because they have to fixate on seven other characters for most of the story (the demon brothers are the draw, afterall). It’s a little frustrating because it shows they are capable of revealing a lot about a character in just a single conversation, but they spend a great deal of their time on fluff. It is nothing unsurprising given the aim of the game as a whole (romantic fantasy/escapism), but it does detract from… well, everything else. If you don’t care about everything else, this doesn’t matter. If you’re one of the few who do, like me, you’re in for a drought before you get to the next juicy story morsel. Alas, that is the price we pay.

But, this is ‘the Good’ section of the review, so I will focus on that. Diavolo, Luke, Simeon, and Solomon get fleshed out more than they did in the previous season as promised, and their growing closeness to MC doesn’t feel hamfisted; there’s little realistic hooks strewn throughout that makes the relationships grow organically compared to, say, the newt syrup arc.

At the end of the season MC is set to become Solomon’s new apprentice, they are now instrumental in Diavolo’s plan for realm-wide peace instead of just being a particularly charming exchange student, Simeon is more interested in learning more about MC due to MC’s meddling during the retreat and their performance in his play, and Luke finally can bring himself to admit that he actually enjoys being in the Devildom. Michael is being alluded to more and more and finally drops in to say hi, even though the game stops short of explicitly revealing that it is him. It all feels like a good transition into more romantic things with them in the next season, and I look forward to exploring more hidden depths.

I am relieved they steered away from additional time travel due to its potential to confuse everyone and everything. We need to learn what the deal is with Barbatos but I’m sure it can be done without meddling with the time continuum. The introduction of the Reaper has interesting worldbuilding implications: the souls of all beings are overseen by what appears to be an unaligned third party, though prior lore implies that the departed souls still return to their respective realms (Lilith allegedly forgot how to ascend to the Celestial Realm in her desire to watch over her siblings). But, like with Michael, they avoided actually showing him by having him take a vacation right before Solomon and the brothers arrive.

On the whole, I’m happy with the season’s ending. It’s probably as good as it can get, and sets up the next season well -- assuming there is one (I think there will be).

The Bad

It’s hard to frame this because there were never any explicit promises made but wow was the build-up wasted and the climax went down dry.

Diavolo’s wishy-washiness and reluctance to tell Lucifer about how MC’s presence was slowly tearing the Devildom asunder, his growing jealousy and his doubt in the strength of Lucifer’s loyalty, the foreshadowing in Simeon’s play, Barbatos warning Lucifer that one day he may need to choose between Diavolo and MC/his family and how he was reverting back to his angelic self, the very foreboding storm that was brewing outside, how Lucifer was certain “something bad” was about to happen… all that juicy potential rendered impotent because of the Ring of Light and amnesia.

It didn’t lead to a tortured, difficult choice Lucifer had to make that had the potential to put either his relationships or the realms in jeopardy -- and it really felt like it was headed in that direction. But it couldn’t really lead there because Lucifer lost his memories, and he was just re-familiarizing himself with all those relationships. Instead we had to choose whether or not we let Lucifer martyr himself, and of course he’s willing to do that because he loves us even if his memories aren’t fully intact, and it’s heavily implied that he’s his angel-like self again. The choices we made during the play don’t really come into fruition, and the Ring of Light helps make our choice ultimately irrelevant anyway.

It felt like they winded up for the pitch and then lost their nerve.

Though I’d argue that Lucifer would ultimately be okay with sacrificing himself for MC and the realms even if he was still his full-fledged, assholish demon self… but it definitely felt like fate was going to make him choose between his loyalty and his love. You know, the whole “love is the death of duty”/”duty is the death of love” shebang. It would have been more rewarding -- they can even let the Ring of Light ultimately fix everything and I’d be happy if it was that dilemma! But this isn’t Game of Thrones, so I can’t be too disappointed that my expectations weren’t met.

If you like Lucifer and Mammon fluff, this season gives it in spades. If neither of those two are your favorite you might have been bummed out. They give Asmo an arc but he ultimately concludes he was trying too hard to be like Lucifer which left me all ?????? How? Satan tutors you, but he doesn’t really deviate from what he usually does (though his minor tiff with Simeon when he’s physically affectionate with us was amusing). The devs did suggest they want to explore Satan’s origins more thoroughly in the future in one of the newsletters, and I think we’re due for that in the next season. There’s hope for the others yet... just not much in this season.

The Future?

I think there’s a high probability that we’ll get a season 3. Nothing about season 2’s ending felt like they were wrapping things up. The season as a whole felt like a transition.

I think we’ll get more romantic scenes with our “undateables” and they won’t officially be considered “undateables” any more. We’ll probably get more cards with them. I’m not sure if they’ll fully graduate into dance battle sprites because that’ll require more creative color assignments for glow sticks, but I wouldn’t entirely discount the possibility. There are many shades in the rainbow.

I think worldbuilding necessitates more exploration of the Celestial Realm, and an eventual conclusion to the game storyline requires officially mending relations between the angels and demons and healing the wounds incurred by both the wars of the distant past and the Great Celestial War (which was essentially a civil war). Such a thing requires an honest dialogue between the two factions for it to ring sincere, not just a continuation of the exchange program. The game doesn’t hesitate in stating how violent all of it was.

To that end, I think we’re going to at least get a full-fledged Michael eventually, though I understand the reluctance to add him due to the work that will follow in adding another handsome man fans will undoubtedly want to make blush and kiss. They may leave him a disembodied voice for as long as they possibly can, but at some point fans will start complaining at the teasing. It’ll be like continually having to skip a missing step on a ladder.

Until then, though, he’s a missing step that’s fun to conceptualize.

You won’t get routes. The setting is ideal for a harem: all the potential love interests loved each other before MC ever entered the picture, so they will eventually accept having to share them, jealousy be damned. I’m pretty sure they’re all aware of MC’s affection towards each of them already: it’s just a matter of contention of which among them MC prefers the most. If MC wants to pursue only one of the brothers, it is up to them to do just that -- in the confines of the presented story.

Conclusion

There were some good story bits to chew on here and there, but as a whole the writing fell flatter than season 1’s writing, in spite of the predictability in the latter. The general unpredictability of this season has made things more exciting than the conclusion we eventually arrived at; it’s hard to commend it when it just doesn’t lead to something intriguing.

Welp, at least we get time to level up our cards for the next season. I only have three URs so it was pretty rough.

I’ll probably do more analysis and essays in the interim, as I work through hard mode and think more about stuff. It’s been fun, in spite of my critique.

#obey me!#obey me #obey me spoilers #obey me season 2 #obey me season 2 review #review

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second-chance-stray · 3 years

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RP Log: Riylli waits for Cravs.

Cravendy Hound - It had been a couple of bells since Cravs had split off from the group. By the time she found her way back to the village, the sky was pitch black and cold. A couple of night owls were still milling about on the sands, but most of the partygoers had returned home by now.

Riylli Aliapoh sat on her own in the sand, hunched over a pile of leftover lantern materials and doing her best to twist the wires into the proper shapes with no other light to go by than that of the moon above. There were already about a dozen lanterns behind her, some with strange designs and a couple that looked like they had been thrown behind her in frustration. Her ears twitched as she heard footsteps approaching, looking up to see Cravs walking along in the darkness of the night. Riylli quickly hopped to her feet, hesitating for just a moment before speaking. "Uh, Hey! You're back! I was beginning to wonder if you had fallen asleep out there or somethin'"

Cravendy Hound: “Wh-what? Yer still ‘ere?” Cravs steps back in shock, clearly not expecting anyone, least of all a company member, to be hanging around at this hour. As such, she hadn’t bothered to keep up appearances. Her hair looks like it’s been tossed back and forth a hundred times, either by wind or by frustrated hands. All her armor is half-loosened, straps slack or buttons unclasped.

Cravendy Hound is thankful that it’s night and, hopefully, Riylli doesn’t notice too much. “Of course I’m back...I don’t live on the beach. What’re ye up to?” She peers over at the experimental lanterns.

Riylli Aliapoh 's eyes flicked downwards briefly to examine the rough state of the Roegadyn's appearance, her Keeper eyes quite well suited for the dark, but quickly return upwards so as not to be rude. "Oh, I was just working on some lanterns, and... Uh..." Riylli hesitated again, the line she had been practicing for the past bell or so sounding a lot stupider now that she was saying it out loud. She let out a soft sigh before continuing, "...Just... Thought it would be good to wait for you, I guess. See how you're holding up after... that..." She spoke awkwardly, extremely out of her element with this

Cravendy Hound stiffens, mind racing to identify what ‘that’ could refer to. The celebration as a whole? Or, perhaps more likely, her reaction to seeing the lanterns float out to sea bells earlier? Cravs coughs awkwardly, looking away for a second as she feels heat rise into her cheeks. Normally, she’d come up with an excuse to cover it all up. Sand got in her eye, shit like that. But something about tonight pushed Cravs to speak more honestly.

Cravendy Hound: “Oh. Right. Well. Thanks for waitin’.” Cravs takes a seat on the sand next to Riylli. She keeps her eyes forward, pointed towards the water. “Truth is, I’m barely ‘eld together as it is. I guess I was both ‘appy and...sad with ‘ow it all ended.”

Riylli Aliapoh blinked, staring for just a moment before taking a seat again as well. It felt a bit unlike Cravs to be this open, but Riylli thought she might understand, the Miqo'te not exactly feeling like her usual self either. She picked back up the lantern she was working on, turning it over a bit to remember where she had left off. "...I tried to make to make one that would float, but I think the materials are too heavy for that..." She said, trying to make awkward small talk for a moment before giving up, putting the lantern back down and looking up towards the moon with a sigh. "Do you... wanna talk about it? I'm not exactly great with this whole... 'feelings' thing either but... I can listen, if you like?"

Cravendy Hound peeks over at a ‘lantern’ with a particularly unique design. “Well, ye get top marks for creativity. Really pushin’ the envelope for what can be considered a lantern,” Cravs teases, but the edges of her voice are rough with weariness. For the moment after, she watches the tide go in and out as she considers what to say. Maybe it’d help, maybe it wouldn’t.

Cravendy Hound: “I don’t want to talk about it. But...I think I should anyway. Doin’ shit I don’t want to do has worked so far,” Cravs eventually mumbles. She gives Riylli a worried look. “Ye sure ye want to listen? I won’t be mad if ye want to go ‘ome or somethin’.”

Riylli Aliapoh shoots Cravs a glare as she mocked her lantern, though to be fair, Riylli had been going off of a decade old memory for the design. Now was not the time to start arguing though, holding herself back from a surely witty retort and instead nodding to what Cravs said next. "...Ava says it's good to talk about these things." She said, going quiet for a few seconds before remembering Cravs would not know who that is. "Er... Ava is the matron of my clan. A mean old lady, but she cares about us in her own way. And she's a lot better with this stuff than me for sure."

Cravendy Hound smiles slightly, and then lightly bumps Riylli on the shoulder with a closed fist. “If the rest of yer clan is as unruly as ye, then the top lady has got to ‘ave balls of steel to keep ye all in line. And that’s a good thing. I’d like to meet ‘er one day.”

Cravendy Hound grows silent again as she considers where to start. So many memories were still razor sharp, as if one wrong step could send her careening back into outright depression. She takes a sigh and speaks, heart pounding. One has to try. “Do ye know why I’m an officer at ‘eartwood?”

Riylli Aliapoh managed to grin at the playful shoving, "Yeah, some of us definitely deserve a matron like her. Doubt anyone else could manage to keep us together." She said in agreement, though the moment of levity did not last too long as Cravendy continued. She shook her head. "I just assumed it was because you looked big 'n scary." She offered, hoping to add a bit of lightheartedness of her own

Cravendy Hound: “Aw, thanks,” Cravs laughs. It was good to know some things didn’t change.

Cravendy Hound laces her fingers tightly together, arms drawn around her knees against the chilly night. “If only it were that simple. Truth is, it’s because of who came before me. ‘er name was Aiswyda, and she was everything that I’m not. Friendly, warm...good. And all my problems were dumped onto ‘er.”

Riylli Aliapoh looked at Cravs in silence for a moment, not really sure how she was supposed to respond now. "You're... friendly..." She offered, though Riylli clearly had a bit of a warped view on how friends were supposed to act. She hesitated, giving up on that path as she turned her head downwards to focus on her lantern. "...I'm guessing that's who Rising's lantern was for then..?"

Cravendy Hound can’t help but laugh at Riylli’s attempt at lightening the mood. Guess it worked. “Piss n’ wind, don’t lie to me. But yeah. That’s who the lantern was for. I just wish...” Cravs trails off.

Cravendy Hound: “The reason why Dirtpatch was destroyed in the first place. Why so many died. I may ‘ave not known where the ball would roll, but I -was- the one to kick it all off,” Cravs muses. “I don’t know ‘ow to explain all this, but thanks to me, Wyda was given a bad ‘and in life. Took a fall when it was mine to take. But despite everythin’ I did to ‘er, she still chose to save me. I...” Cravs sets her jaw, tight. “...I’m probably not makin’ a lick of sense.”

Riylli Aliapoh smiles again, feeling the tension lifting off her chest for just a moment as she begins to think they might actually make it through this, only for it all to return as Cravs continued her story. Riylli looked to the Roegadyn, then back up to the moon as she tried to take some comfort in it's light. "...S'okay, we got all the time we could need right now..."

Cravendy Hound: “Why I draw breath when others more deservin’ lie six feet under...I never stop wonderin’ why.” She cranks her grip tighter and tighter still, until her knuckles are bone white and shaking. For a moment it feels like she’s falling, but Riylli’s words anchor her back into the present. Cravs sniffs, angry at herself for being like this, but at the same time grateful to share her thoughts.

Cravendy Hound lets out a haggard breath into her knees. “Yeah...but I wish the future would come faster. Ah, fuck.” She pushes her feet into the sand and, surprisingly, it’s warm underneath. “Fuck.”

Riylli Aliapoh goes quiet, her ears flattening and her tail finding its way into her lap. She looks away from the moon, staring into the sand for a moment just feeling... brittle. She's quiet for a long time, even after Cravs finishes speaking, though every second that passes just makes her chest feel tighter and tighter. Riylli finally grits her teeth, turning around and selecting three of the lanterns from her pile that actually looked serviceable. She placed them in front of her and tapped each in order. "Akosha, Kebbe, Mom." She said, her voice sounding rather distance before going quiet again, simply staring at the lanterns in front of her

Cravendy Hound - Cravs feels like a coiled spring, tense to the point of breaking. But this time, when she lets out a breath, her nerves leave with it. For once, she’s loosening, and the space between the ribs and lungs doesn’t feel so tight anymore. Because she clearly sees that she’s not alone. Because Riylli is here to listen.

Cravendy Hound stares hard at the lanterns. “What about ye? Ye want to talk about it?”

Riylli Aliapoh paused for a long moment, but soon found herself nodding. She had not really realized it until now, but she had not been waiting out here all this time just for Cravs' sake. She had had a feeling the Roegadyn might understand her own story, and her words just now had confirmed it. Still, it took her a while to begin speaking. "Akosha and Kebbe were my sisters... And mom was... well, mom." She hesitated, finally looking back up towards the moon as she tried to figure out where she was supposed to start her story. Another long moment of silence passed, Riylli just staring upwards lost in thought, before she eventually let out a sigh. "If you tell anyone what I'm about to say, I'll kill you. Got it?" She said, shooting a glare over to Cravs preemptively before turning back to the lanterns and continuing. "...When I was a kid, I was pretty much the complete opposite I am now. Dresses, dolls, all that... stupid, flowery shite..." She muttered, giving Cravs a moment to get whatever jokes in she might have ready

Cravendy Hound gives her all the space and time she needs, and simply waits. When Riylli threatens her with death, Cravs raises her hands defensively, though from the tired smile on her face, it’s clear that she’s just trying to lighten the mood. “Oy, I could say the same. But don’t worry, my lips are sealed.”

Cravendy Hound: “I used to think that sort of stuff was stupid too. But not anymore.” Cravs plainly states with a shrug. “Only reason I don’t wear dabble in that kinda stuff is because other people’ll give me ‘ell over it.”

Riylli Aliapoh gave Cravs a hesitant look, still waiting for the jokes to come for a long moment before finally continuing. "..Anyways. I had thought it was all fine at the time. Akosha and Kebbe would go hunting, me and mom would cook what they caught. I never bothered to learn the bow, or the spear, or anything really outside a stupid sewing needle. Just a dumb stupid kid who was only ever worried about her hair." Riylli grit her teeth, clearly angry at the memory. She had to pause to take another deep breath, trying to calm herself down before continuing, needing her composure for the next part. "...And then... The Calamity happened. Fire raining down from the sky, beast and seedkin rampaging, the elementals throwing their stupid temper tantrum... We had to leave our home behind and run for Gridania, but things kept popping out of the trees to attack us like we were the ones at fault for everything going on." She paused, her hand going up to feel the scar on her eye, deciding at this point to just rush through the rest of the story. "A treant got a good swipe at me and my mom, and Akosha and Kebbe stayed behind to give us a chance to run. And that was the last time I ever saw them..."

Cravendy Hound digs deeper into the sand as she listens. Cravs feels mad on Riylli’s behalf - the world was just like this, wasn’t it? Calamities and disasters and suffering that had no end. It made her want to tear something, anything, in half. She lets out a huff, rips her hands from their grip, and plunges them both beneath the sand as if she were holding something hot.

Cravendy Hound: “Ye were just a kid, and no one could’ve stopped the Calamity,” Cravs states. She opens her mouth again and tries to find just the right words to say, but eloquence was never her strong point. So she just lets her heart take the wheel. “That’s terrible. Did ye ever go lookin’ for them?”

Riylli Aliapoh looked down, realizing she was holding her tail in her hands and quickly letting it go. "No, I didn't. I... Don't think I could handle seeing the home I grew up with all charred and destroyed." She paused and took another deep breath, realizing she had been doing that a lot and that it was not really helping. "I know I couldn't have stopped the calamity, but... I can't help but wonder what might have happened if I had stayed behind and fought with them. If I had just practiced the bow instead of the needle. If I had just been a bit stronger... I could've saved them. We all could've made it to Gridania together. If I had just..." She trailed off, feeling a tear roll down her cheek. Riylli grit her teeth brushed it away angrily, not bothering to care about smudging the paint on her cheek. "...Sorry. I was supposed to be listening to you, not dropping all my mistakes on you... Doubt that'll help at all.."

Cravendy Hound - Though the story is different, Cravs is all too familiar with what Riylli’s feeling. It feels like looking into a mirror in some ways...Being caught in what-ifs, the guilt. But seeing it from the other side is eye opening and for a moment, Cravs is stunned. “O-oh...no, listenin’ to ye ‘elped. I know ‘ow ye feel, and it’s ‘onestly, it’s torture.”

Cravendy Hound: “It’s not somethin’ that’ll go away. It just becomes a part of ye, and one day we’ll both be comfortable livin’ with those burdens.” Cravs struggles to hold back her own doubts. So many ‘maybes’ she wants to inject into her sentences because, the truth is, she doesn’t know what’ll happen. But by trying to be strong for Riylli, she finds a confidence she didn’t know she had. And by saying those words, she helps herself in turn.

Riylli Aliapoh glanced to Cravendy, scanning her face in the darkness. She could see the Roegadyn was not as confident in her words as she was trying to be, yet oddly enough Riylli found it comforting. She let out a sigh as she tried to relieve herself of her own tension, picking back up the near-finished lantern she had been working on and beginning to fiddle with it again. "...Do you mind if I ask what happened to Aiswyda? I dumped all my garbage on you, s'only fair you get to do the same"

(Cravendy Hound) ALSO I WILL SAY ;_; pain. wanna toss these two into the dryer and have them come out warm and fluffy )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Sad emotional night rp, but Riylli gets to feel less alone because of it and hopefully Cravs gets to feel the same!

Cravendy Hound tries to think of a way to tell Riylli without sounding insane, cutting corners, or talking her ear off. But it’s a situation where she can only choose two, or maybe even one. Cravs chuckles at what she’s come up with. Well, why not. Time to look like a loony.

Cravendy Hound: “She, er. Was kinda like a ghost walkin’ around in my body, but for over a year. But like a ghost that I unintentionally summoned. And one that didn’t know what she was.” Cravs dances around the word primal with mixed results. “Anyway, eventually she found out what she was, and thought we both couldn’t exist. So she chose what she thought was best for everyone...”

Cravendy Hound shakes her head in frustration - what a pisspoor attempt at explaining that situation. “It didn’t make much sense to me either.”

Riylli Aliapoh stopped working on the lantern, staring at it blankly as she listened to Cravs'... 'interesting' story. There was a long, looong moment of awkward silence, and then Riylli just began working on the lantern again. "Dissociative identity disorder?" She said, an awfully big term for such a dumb Miqo'te. "Or... Do you mean like... Literally..." She also hesitated to use the word 'primal', but it was obvious she was thinking it. "I feel like... That might be a story we might not manage to get through in one night, huh?"

Cravendy Hound: “What’s that mean? Er, or if it means what I think it means then...maybe? I don’t know. She was ‘er own person for sure though. But I agree. Maybe when I tell it a second time, it’ll come out better. One can hope.” Cravs sends Riylli a defeated smile.

Cravendy Hound has been chilled to the bone from being out for so long. She sniffs, followed by a shiver. “Bugger me, what time is it? ‘ow long ‘ave we been out for...Any longer and we’ll catch a cold.” Cravs stumbles up and brushes the sand off of her. “Come on, let’s go.”

(Cravendy Hound) AIGHT I gotta go eat now xD )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Okay! Lemme write up a closer, I'll send it to your discord! (Cravendy Hound) AIGHT I gotta go eat now xD )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Okay! Lemme write up a closer, I'll send it to your discord! (Cravendy Hound) ah cool!! KK, I'm gonna dash off :D )) (Cravendy Hound) ty for the rps! )) (Cravendy Hound) THIS WAS GOOD very blessed )) (Cravendy Hound) they can look out for each other :3 )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (Yeah ^o^ Riylli talked a bit longer than I intended, but it was still nice letting them know they arent alone

"Nooot just yet" The Miqo'te girl said as Cravs, rushing the next few steps of the lantern as quickly as she can without destroying it. Luckily she had gotten enough practice in with the last dozen, and managed to create a serviceable lantern with just a few more twists of wire and plenty of glue. She holds it up into the air, admiring it for a moment before standing and shoving it into the Roegadyn's hands. "Here. I was just gonna make the three at first, but you were takin' so long to get back that I thought... Maybe you'd like to have one as well? Y'know... For Aiswyda." She says, awkwardly rubbing her arm, unsure if she was maybe stepping over the line. "C'mon, we can set them off and then head back to Heartwood." She said, leaning down and wrapping both her arms around the three lanterns she had already made before rushing off towards the waters edge. It was not exactly the same as the festivals Riylli had had when she was a young girl, but in the dark night with the moon reflecting down onto the water, the sight of those lanterns slowly floating away to join the light of the stars felt familiar enough to bring the girl back to a time where everything was simpler. Back when the world made sense, and she didn't have to fight so hard just to feel worth her existence. Riylli would not say anything else as they watched the lanterns drift away and out of sight, feeling like there was nothing more that needed to be said between the two after tonight. They were both messed up, but they were not alone. That was enough for her, and it was time to go home.

#ff14 rp logs #Cravendy Hound #Riylli Aliapoh #;_;#both messed up but not alone #such feels

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captainsjack · 4 years

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here’s something no one asked for: hcs for shawn & gus based on this post:

who hogs the duvet: shawn. somehow, without fail, he gets himself wrapped up in the blankets like a burrito. he doesn’t mean to, maybe he’s unknowingly always cold at night, but he always somehow manages to get tangled. normally, gus would be annoyed, because, well, who wants to sleep without blankets, that’s no fun. but shawn also always sleeps practically on top of gus, one hand clutching gus’s shirt. (that was something that had been constant since they were kids - whenever they had sleepovers, squished in either of their beds, shawn would always latch onto gus in his sleep). so, even though gus has less than 5% of the blankets, he’s never actually cold, because he has shawn wrapped around him.

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: both. and neither. shawn and gus see each other for more than 90% of the day (canonically too), so there’s really no reason to text and call each other that much. but if they’ve split up for a case, they’ll check in, or if gus is at work, shawn will text him memes or cute dogs he’s seen throughout the day. these idiots can’t go 3 seconds without talking to each other (as we’ve seen in the psych 1 movie trailer, helLO), so it’s a guarantee that they’re either always together in person, or having some sort of conversation/meme sharing exchange over text, or are on the phone when gus has a break from work.

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: honestly, both. i don’t know what constitutes as ‘creative,’ but they’re both over the top thoughtful with their gifts. shawn knows everything there is to know about gus, and he remembers every small, insignificant, off handed, comment he’s made about things he likes. so shawn will track down that specific, first edition, one of a kind, comic book from the 50′s or something, that gus mentioned half-heartedly five years ago. (gus is, always, without fail, speechless that shawn managed to buy something so rare, and the fact that he remembered in the first place). gus is a romantic. he’ll plan a surprise vacation for them, or a super nice dinner, or he’ll get concert tickets to a band he knows shawn loves even though he can’t stand them. for gus, it’s always about the experience, since he knows shawn will at some point lose almost everything he’s given. (although he always gives a pineapple with his gift too).

who gets up first in the morning: gus (of course). he goes to work early, and meets shawn at psych later. but, when he has the day off, shawn won’t let him get out of bed until at least 11. gus doesn’t complain.

who suggests new things in bed: shawn. well, he’s the one that brings it up at least. he’s gotten really good at being able to tell when something excites gus - the way his vision darkens, shoulders tense, he unconsciously sucks in his lower lip just a bit. usually, it’s from a scene in a movie (princess leia in the gold bikini anyone?) or maybe it’s one of the costumes shawn has to wear for a case (american duos, cowboy!shawn, etc). either way, shawn can tell when gus is turned on by something new, and he’ll either surprise gus later, or he’ll pause the movie right then, hands already working on gus’s fly. (gus doesn’t get how shawn always just knows, but he’s definitely, definitely not complaining).

who cries at movies: gus. he’s a sympathetic crier, ok? he can’t help it. shawn finds it amusing every time, but then gus will just say “princess bride” and shawn shuts up. (for some reason, that’s the one movie shawn cries during, and he’s always thought he hid it well, but apparently gus has know this whole time).

who gives unprompted massages: both. when shawn gets particularly bad headaches (sensory overload), he’ll lay on gus’s lap and gus will massage his temples. when gus is stressed about a presentation or test or something, shawn will forget about whatever he’s in the middle of doing and automatically massage his shoulders.

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: again, both. it started when gus got a bad cold one winter. shawn fussed over him in typical shawn fashion, but he also couldn’t stay away, no matter how much gus told him to go so he wouldn’t get sick himself. when gus is sick, shawn curls up next to him, kisses his face, his lips, his shoulders, and eventually gets sick himself (it’s not his fault, ok? he really, really does try to stay away. but.. it’s gus. he can’t. you can’t blame him). then eventually gus recovers, and it’s his turn to take care of shawn. it’s happened so often, that whenever one of them gets sick, it’s easier for them to both just take the week off and be sick together.

who gets jealous the easiest: canonically, both. before they got together, they each had an unhealthy jealousy of the person the other one was dating. i definitely don’t need to go into detail here, just watch the show. however, this subsides once they do actually start dating. they’re both the most important person in each others’ lives, and have been for four decades. there’s a level of trust there that can’t really be compared to anything. so once the threat of a significant other (one that’s not either shawn or gus) is out of the way, there’s no reason for jealousy. they have each other and that’s all they’ve ever wanted.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: shawn. he likes to think he’s cool, but when it comes to music, he listens to the most embarrassing things.

who collects something unusual: gus. we’re told in 2x03 that he collects coins (although coins aren’t really that unusual). something cute i noticed though, is that in 2x09, after it’s established gus collects coins, shawn and gus are playing hangman during a case, and shawn draws the stick figure as gus. when he shows the drawing to gus, the stick figure has a high top fade, and has a little speech bubble (or it could be a thought bubble, idk) that says “i love coins!”. anyway, i just thought that was absolutely adorable. for shawn, it’s not technically a collection, but he’s saved everything gus has ever given him for the past 40 years. for some reason, he’s super careful with gus’s stuff, but will have to go out and buy new socks multiple times a month because he keeps losing them.

who takes the longest to get ready: gus. he has a process, ok? the only thing shawn really does to get ready is his hair, and that doesn’t even take long. somehow, every morning without fail, shawn will be waiting in the living room for an extra 20 minutes waiting for gus to get ready. he doesn’t get it. (also when they first get together, it’s almost impossible for either of them to actually get ready because they keep getting distracted by each other and every 5 minutes they just end up making out).

who is the most tidy and organized: gus (duh). he has systems, and routines, and rules, and everything has to be done a Certain Way. shawn, of course, is the complete opposite. it’s not that he doesn’t care, really, it’s just that, well, either he forgets, or there’s something else that he’d rather be doing. this becomes a problem when they finally move in together. gus (rightfully so) gets annoyed at shawn’s utter lack of respect for the house and their belongings (like jackets strewn across chairs, shoes not on the shoe rack, dishes left on the table). eventually, gus makes a chore chart. shawn makes fun of him for it at first, but then gus gives him his don’t-even-play-with-me-shawn-you’re-never-going-to-win-this-argument look, and shawn shuts up. it takes a while for shawn to get used to the schedule and to actually remember to do things, but eventually they create a rhythm that works, and gus relaxes.

who gets most excited about the holidays: both. every holiday. they’ve always done over the top things together their whole lives - whether it was christmas, thanksgiving, halloween, or new years. the psych office and their apartment are always decorated with the tackiest and most extravagant decorations. since they were kids, they’ve always spent hours on end decorating each others’ houses together. now they get to decorate their own house.

who’s the big spoon/little spoon: it depends. when they’re watching a movie, either they’ll lay on the couch together and gus will be the little spoon, or they’ll be sitting up, and shawn will curl into gus’s side, head on his shoulder (gus’s head resting atop his), shawn’s arm hugging gus’s waist. if they’re in bed, they both kind of spoon each other. they lay facing each other, legs intertwined, gus’s arm wrapped around shawn’s waist. shawn will have his head buried in the crook of gus’s neck, while the both of them share his pillow. shawn’s hand either rests on gus’s upper-arm squished between the two of them, or he’ll be holding onto gus’s shirt. gus’s lips and nose will be squished against shawn’s forehead and shawn will smile into gus’s skin. however, sometimes shawn gets into bed later than gus, and when he does, he wraps an arm over gus side, and gus’s hand finds shawn’s in his sleep, and he interlaces their fingers and pulls shawn’s hand to his chest. shawn presses a soft kiss against gus’s shoulder and gus leans back into him. they both move around a lot during the night, but when they wake up, either gus will be on top of shawn, clinging to him like a koala, or vice versa. their cuddling takes many forms, but no matter what, shawn and gus are always wrapped up in each other.

who gets the most competitive when playing games and/or sports: gus. it’s not fair - shawn’s memory and observational skills give him an advantage. whether they’re playing those road trip dog/license plate/letter spotting games, or cards, or whatever, shawn, without fail, always wins. they’ve had to take a few hiatuses along the years after gus got particularly frustrated. however, when shawn cheats, gus always knows and then that game is banned too. they also play trivia games, and those are the ones that only gus wins. shawn gets just as upset as gus does when he loses, and that adds to their collection of Games We’re Not Playing For An Undisclosed Amount Of Time. also, shawn and gus have game nights with juliet and her girlfriend. it’s the only time they at least try to be civil, and most nights go off without a hitch (until they get home and either shawn or gus starts pouting). one of their favorite games to play is catch phrase. shawn and gus always win because they share one (1) collective brain cell and therefore only need to so much as look at each other before the other guesses the word. juliet and her girlfriend have banned that game many times as well.

who starts the most arguments: trivial, light-hearted bickering? both, always, all the time. they love it. actual, real arguments? almost never. the only arguments they’ve had are canon. shawn sleeping with joy, obsessive jealousy, destruction of relationships, whatever else has been mentioned. i honestly can’t think of anything they’d argue over. but if they do, they’re mature about it. 40 years of trust and communication allows for mature dialogue when either of them is upset. if they need to, one of them (mostly gus) will leave to cool down before they talk. but they always communicate when they're leaving (if they do) because of shawn’s fear of abandonment. the arguments never last long, and they’re honest about their feelings. the make up sex is particularly great (because like i said, these idiots can’t go 3 seconds without each other).

who suggests that they buy a pet: neither. they don’t mean to. they’re on one of their monthly bunny petting dates, and somehow - neither of them know - they walk out with a pet bunny and about a dozen toys. they name him mr. floppingtons the 3rd.

what tv shows they watch together: saturday morning cartoons. since they were five, they’ve always gotten up early together and watched them, cuddled on the couch, eating pancakes.

what other couple they hang out with: jules and her girlfriend. lassie and marlowe. sometimes the chief and her husband, or mcnab and his wife. ya know, all canon things.

how they spend their time together as a couple: the same way they’ve been spending time together for the past four decades (it takes everyone at the station about a month to even realize they’re dating now). except now they get to make out and cuddle, which makes everything 1000x better. when they first get together though, it’s hard to actually get anything done around the office. they set out with good intentions - really, they do - but it’s just so hard to work with your boyfriend without getting distracted. especially when you’ve spent the last 20 years pining over him. you can’t blame them, really.

who made the first move: don’t even ask me this, i have way too many ideas. it could’ve been 2x11 (after the whole mira thing), 3x02 (shawn’s fucking “are you kidding me, he was voted most likely to succeed. you think he’s going to date me?” you’re telling me gus didn’t ask him about that? bc boy was obviously shook). or 3x08 (gus canonically tells shawn he loves him when he’s taken hostage. shawn tries to bolt into the bank when he learns gus is in there. so much heartbreak and tension in this ep oh my god). or 3x09 (shawn let’s it slip that he only slept with joy because gus wasn’t there, so what was he supposed to do? “wait, you’re telling me this had something to do with me?” “...no”). or 4x09 (this is self explanatory, i mean shawn literally is kidnapped and shot. also how cute/heartbreaking would it have been if he called gus instead of jules). 4x11 (the whole ruby thing, i mean, come on). 4x13 (the last 7 mins of this is just gus heartbroken that shawn is confessing to jules. i mean, this guy tries to prevent shawn from telling her he loves her...). or oh my god 5x02 (goddamned gay cinema here when shawn sees gus tap dance. “that’s my partner!” uh,, shawn, buddy, literally no one in the audience knows you work together, now they all think you’re dating. you’re telling me, shawn wouldn’t have just grabbed gus and kissed him on the way to the blueberry because his love was just exploding out of him? ok.). and all the fake dating for a case to love confessions tropes??? buddy i could write novels for these two. also any time any one of them has a girlfriend, i bet the other is so obvious with their jealousy it just leads to accidental love confessions. or a “kiss me before we die?” “you can get the kiss when we survive - so move!” thing?? HOW DID I LEAVE OUT 5x16 !!!! gus’s “i don’t blame you” confession turns into a “i’ve been in love with you for 20 years and i’m not dying without telling you” confession!!!! or we can even go so far back as to shawn and gus dated in high school and then shawn left abruptly and there’s angst. and then he comes back to sb and they talk and they’re friends again and then oh, wait, i’ve never actually stopped loving you these past 7 years, fuck, what now? and then we get a married since before s1 au. or au where gus doesn’t follow shawn to san fran and they’re both miserable and shawn breaks up with jules and goes back to him and gus has a hard time forgiving him because shawn fucking left again. OH WAIT HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THE RACHEL THING!!! i haven’t seen that ep in forever but remember when henry tells gus that gus is the most important person in shawn’s life and shawn doesn’t want to share him and that’s why he sabotaged gus’s relationship?? cue gus putting everything together and marching right over to shawn and kissing the crap out of him. ALSO gus stops shawn’s wedding when the preacher says “speak now or forever hold your peace.” OR au where gus is getting married and shawn stops his wedding. or literally any possibility of them almost dying and them confessing to each other. someone stop me i’m just spilling all my wips right now. see there’s too many possibilities for these fucking idiots i-

who brings home flowers: shawn. he’ll be walking somewhere and just pick up flowers that remind him of gus or that he thinks gus will like. by the end of the day, he’ll have collected a little bouquet (half wilted) and he’ll give them gus to in passing, with a soft kiss on the cheek. it’s something he does without thinking, and something that brings tears to gus’s eyes everytime.

who is the best cook: gus. if they’re not ordering out (which is rare), gus does the cooking. once, shawn tried to surprise gus with breakfast in bed and almost burned down the house. now he’s only allowed to watch.

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subtlereferencetomyinterests · 4 years

Text

Communication Issues (AT:TTSIMBCMEOAYSFIL)- Chapter Two

Ao3, MasterPost, Chapter One, Chapter Three

Relationships: (eventual) Romantic Analogince

I’m finally back from my impromptu hiatus!!! My laptop, like, just fuckin broke... but now I’ve got a new one so it’s okay!!! And the first thing I did with it was make these little characters Hurt.

Warnings: Repressing Emotions (k i n d a), food mention, self-isolation/avoiding one’s friends, general angst, cursing, unreliable narrator (maybe??? by that I mean Logan is stupid and has no idea what’s actually going on.)

Word Count: 5,244

To the best of your knowledge, the three of you are close. To see the facts: you, Roman, and Virgil spend the majority of your time together, partaking in a number of activities that all of you find fun. Comparing your time with them to how much you see, say, a friend like Janus- it becomes apparent that the three of you ought to be considered ‘best friends’.

However, you had preferred to be 100% certain of this, as you like to be with all things. It was a few weeks after Roman’s New Idea when you finally gave in to this preference (more of a need, really). You asked outright the nature of your dynamic with them.

Roman laughed at you. The abashment you felt was, unfortunately, a very familiar thing.

‘Is the idea of us being best friends really so humorous?’ you challenged, masking the sting you felt with indignation. Virgil had elbowed Roman sharply, explaining to him that you were seriously asking. His laughter stopped at once. ‘Of course we are,’ he’d said. ‘I thought you were kidding, because it seemed so obvious,’ he’d continued.

All you could manage was a small ‘Oh’.

So, yes, you’ve determined that your bond is more meaningful than on average. That hardly irks you; it’s a positive thing, in fact. It’s been good for you to have some kind of affection, even if the thought still makes you want to roll your eyes. It’s what’s just beyond that affection that’s causing an itching beneath your skin when the three of you ‘hang out’, as you so often do. That itching, those crawling little mites figuratively burrowed under your skin- it’s all been prevalent in your interactions over the past weeks.

Go over the facts, then, Logan.

Fact one: You aren’t used to intimate friendships.

Fact two: You have established an intimate friendship with Roman and Virgil

Fact(?) three: Roman and Virgil’s intimacy with each other is quickly turning away from ‘friendship’.

This brings you to the evidence, which gets a little fuzzier; some conclusions might have been jumped to, but you find that irrelevant.

Evidence (?): They share these Looks. A Look when Roman says something abhorrently stupid, but when Virgil jumps to insult him he sounds nothing but adoring. A Look when Virgil comes up with a particularly creative biting remark, and while Roman is just as quick to fire back with a playful tease of his own, there’s that obvious elated expression of pride that he holds just for the anxious trait.

That on it’s own wouldn’t amount to much, you’ll admit, but you’ve always been a careful observer of body language (out of necessity, given how words fail you when there’s subtext to be found). Their hands brush frequently, to the point where it cannot possibly be incidental. They not-so-subtly lean into each other when they probably think you aren’t looking- though perhaps you shouldn’t be looking anyway. While you are well-accustomed to platonic physical affection in not only your relationships with the two of them, but with all of your ‘coworkers’ (the bulk of it coming from Patton and Remus, predictably), Virgil and Roman’s physical affection exudes such romantic tension that you’re surprised Roman himself isn’t going haywire, because of the overload of feelings that fall into his area of expertise.

Your third piece of evidence comes from just last night. You’d returned from the kitchen, arms loaded with snacks for you all to share, only to find Roman threading his fingers through Virgil’s hair while the embodiment of anxiety carefully sketched on a folded sheet of paper. Virgil’s eyes had flicked up briefly, widening when he saw you as though you hadn’t only left the room for seven minutes and twenty-three seconds.

“Oh, hey,” he greeted with a tiny wave. Something odd and envious and just a bit bitter simmered in your chest, but you denied it whatever it seemed to be hissing for. You gave your friend a nod, setting down the food you’d brought onto the coffee table and seating yourself a good few feet from him and Roman on the couch.

“V and I got bored waiting,” Roman explained, “So we’re doing a little art collaboration. The rule is that we aren’t allowed to see what the other one draws until it’s done!” He seemed enthusiastic about the game, and Virgil was clearly invested in his work. You saw no reason to interrupt them, quietly deeming your original plan to watch blue planet together defunct. But you could still contribute to this new activity! You knew plenty of art history, thankfully.

“There’s actually a name for that- it’s called Exquisite Corpse. The term was coined by surrealist artists in 1925.”

Roman waved his hand, almost dismissive, and your heart- figuratively- sank.

“Yeah, yeah, in Paris, I already know. Yves Tanguy, Marcel Duchamp, et cetera et cetera. Art’s my whole thing, remember? Do you wanna play or not?”

“Oh, I- I don’t care for drawing,” you have never understood and will likely never understand most forms of visual art.

Roman shrugged, but before he could respond Virgil was folding up the piece of paper and handing it to him, blank side up. The vigilant trait pushed his bangs back and shook out his shaggy hair, which stuck up at odd angles due to Roman’s tangling.

“Whatever you want, L. You can put on that documentary you were talking about now,” Virgil said, reaching for the food piled up on the table. Your first instinct had been to agree, of course, and get back to the original plan for the day. As you took the remote, however, you couldn’t help but notice just how close they sat, plenty apart from you. It felt like a fitting analogy- and you’ve always had distaste for analogies.

“That’s alright,” a lie, “I’m feeling rather restless now- I think it would be best if I got some work done with this energy,” a half-truth.

You’d left before they could respond, trying to ignore the envy seething under your skin. It didn’t even make sense- you hated having your hair touched! While the history was interesting, Surrealist art did nothing but frustrate you! You don’t like drawing games, or people’s hands on your face, for goodness’ sake.

Presently, you stare up at your ceiling and reflect on your friendship, feeling it all start to click. You do not want it to click. You push your glasses up on your forehead and press the heels of your hands against your eyelids, soaking in the ache that results from the pressure. You’re so fucking sick of thinking, thinking, thinking- but the other option is leaving your room- which you’ll have to do very soon anyway- and interacting with other people.

It’s easier to handle with everyone else around to distract you, rather than just Virgil and Roman. Easier, but not easy. You groan, pushing yourself into a sitting position and letting your glasses fall back into place. You cannot just stew here forever, much as you’d like to.

Yet- It doesn’t make sense. You don’t want to see Virgil and Roman, sitting as close as they do now, dancing around each other so frustratingly. But you want to be around them so much that you feel you can’t help it, desperate to be caught between them like usual. But, no, you don’t!

You wish they could figure themselves out and actually get together, to save everyone the headache- but is that even really what you want? For them to officially be romantically involved, thereby distancing themselves from you even further? And then you’ll truly be the ‘third wheel’, as it were?

What do you want, you ask yourself repeatedly.

For things to go back to normal, you answer yourself.

You shake your head, no, because what does that even mean? Do you want them to not have feelings for each other, just so they’ll pay more attention to you? Now that doesn’t add up at all, because first and foremost you want them to be happy. Happy, and also spending time with you as much as each other. Yes, that’s closer to the point, you think. You want that closeness to be equal between the three of you, that makes perfect sense. So, logically, it follows that what you want is-

What you want is…

God, no, God, your eyes widen and your fists clench and, fuck, you almost shake as you try to hold back the encroaching realization.

You want-

There’s a knock at the door.

You breathe shakily, your hands tensing and untensing. There’s a knock at the door. The door of your room, because you are in your room, sitting on your bed. You’re here, and now, and you can breathe.

Dazedly, you stand, moving as though you’re wading through honey. You swallow back whatever feelings had been building in you only for the moment. You aren't willing to actually harm yourself by repressing them, merely holding them at the reigns in order to actually function enough to talk to whoever’s come knocking.

You click the door open, pulling it back to see a worried Patton. You are immeasurably relieved that it is him specifically.

“Heya, Kiddo. It’s been a while since any of us saw you today. I was just coming by to let you know we’re about to start picking a movie for tonight. Do ya feel up to joining us?”

That’s something you appreciate about Patton: he keeps in tune with others’ emotions with almost supernatural accuracy. Remarkably high-empathy being a power granted to him by his aspect, he knew when things were off, and he knew when someone did or did not want to talk about it. He didn’t barge up to your room and throw the door open with the enthusiasm he might usually express if he saw how you were uneasy, knowing that such an action could be overwhelming. Rather, he was checking in, quietly offering you an out if you needed it.

But you’re about to directly contradict yourself about that appreciation! Because this means that you have to decide what you do; because you maybe kind of want to be forced to see your friends, rather than forcing yourself to avoid them. You aren’t exactly sure you have the strength to be around them on your own, but you can’t imagine a fate worse than isolation in the wake of this emotional discovery that you totally aren’t focusing on right now dammit answer Patton.

“Yes, I must have been a tad preoccupied today. I’ll be down in a moment,” the answer’s out before you think about it. You regret it, and also you don’t.

Patton grins warmly at you, obviously relieved, and promises to wait for you to head down before they start. He disappears back through the hall and down the staircase in an instant, humming tunelessly as he walks.

It’s only after arriving downstairs that you become entirely sure that you’ve made the wrong choice. Roman is practically in Virgil’s lap, his head tilted into the facet’s neck while they playfully bicker with each other. When he spots you, his head shoots up, and he waves you over. In an amazing example of self-control, you sit one cushion away from the pair.

Throughout the night, you keep your eyes trained to the screen, trying to ignore however sappy Roman and Virgil get. You need space to think about this issue and find a way to solve it, and they need more space from their little tricycle anyway.

The movies pass in a blur. You think Virgil tries to say something to you before you go upstairs, but you don’t catch it. Your ears are ringing.

<<<???>>><<<???>>><<<???>>>

It’s predictable as hell, considering his semi-self-isolation before The Incident, that Roman is desperate for attention. He’s, in the simplest terms, clingy as fucking fuck. Something that’s mildly less expected than that is just how little you mind it. If you’re honest, with all the hugs and brushes and small comforts, it kinda rocks. Which might be an odd way to describe emotionally and physically intimate friendship, but hey. Shut up.

You and Roman’ve become a little attached at the hip because of this- though you hold tightly onto the excuse that it’s just cuz you want Roman to get the attention he needs, and totally not because you actually like the affection, too. You know the truth, though. The truth that it all… fulfills something in you, something that’s been craving attention that you didn’t even know about. It’s weird. Not bad, just weird.

You digress; the point is that you and Roman have a Thing With Touching, and that’s not exactly a shocker. Something you’re only recently coming to notice, however, is that this preference is one shared by your other closest friend, Logan. You could’ve sworn he’d be touch averse, and while he definitely has very specific boundaries (he wouldn’t tolerate touches to his hair, neck, or most parts of his legs), he’s exactly the opposite of averse, he’s just way too stubborn to initiate anything or admit it.

Who knew that only knowing a grand total of six other beings for your entire life- most of said beings disliking each other for a good portion of that life- would leave everyone involved more than a little touch-starved?

Oh well. No time like the present to fix that, you figure. This is all just your long-winded way of saying that whenever you’re in the room with Logic or Creativity, you’re 99% guaranteed to have at least one point of contact with them.

Which totally wouldn’t be a problem, if you weren’t falling irrevocably in love with both of them. But, unfortunately, you totally are.

When everything started, it was just Logan. He was too considerate and too goddamn caring not to make you feel things, the bastard. He understands you, almost perfectly, all the time- even though people understanding you completely goes against your aesthetic- and you feel like you get him all the same. In a way, your love for him makes sense. It always has, really, all the way back when he gave you that first glimpse of friendship. It’s always been Logan.

And that all would be horrible enough on its own, but then Roman blind-sided you with his teary eyes and deeply-rooted insecurity. Neither of these are technically ‘attractive’ traits, but dammit if you didn’t find yourself sympathizing to a painful extent. You not only comprehended his (gradually lessening) pain, you’re also surprised to note just how badly you want to help him through it, if only because you knew that you really could help. You can’t bear to watch Roman suffer, because the both of you, despite all the differences, are exactly alike. You find sympathy in his sadness, and affection in his joy.

It’s disgusting.

The plan was simple; you’d keep all the feelings inside, and then one day you’d die. You’d hold them all at bay and let the infatuation fade to a dull ache against your ribcage, settling into a bittersweet friendship with the two temperamental traits. It’s easy to push down when all six of you spend family time together, hell, you hardly break a sweat when it’s just the three of you, because you can just use one to deflect off the other! You are a fucking pro at ignoring your emotions.

Then movie night happened. You have no clue what specifically did happen, but you’ve managed to track the weird behavior back to that evening. Logan was stiff as a board all night, sitting as far as he could from you and Ro. He didn’t even look back at you when you tried to talk to him before he left. He didn’t answer the door when you tried to check on him later.

To say that Logan hadn’t left his room since would be a gross oversimplification. Oh, he’s venturing out, alright, but strategically. He comes down for meals. He comes down when Patton, Remus, or occasionally Janus ask for him, indulging them without complaint. Sure, he’s conveniently busy whenever it’s you or Roman knocking, but he’s already done so much with everybody else that day. No one could be concerned, because clearly Logan wasn’t avoiding anything.

Yeah, bullshit. He’s just diverting everybody else’s suspicions, but you know him too well for that.

He doesn’t work in the commons anymore. He doesn’t rise up in the living room, accompanied with a laptop or a kindle or what have you, just to have the quiet company of someone else while he works. He doesn’t seek you out to explain something he read on Tumblr, and from the looks of it, he doesn’t attempt to infodump about poetry with Roman anymore. And the nail in this coffin is this: when you attempt to confront him, he plays dumb. Logan plays dumb.

Logan avoiding you means two things: 1. one of your most trusted friends who you’re absolutely besotted with won’t talk to you, which is its own special kind of agony- and 2. you spend the majority of your time totally alone with the other friend that you are in love with, which is obviously not ideal.

By this point, you are well-acquainted with the various personal problems of your ‘co-workers’. Statistically, at any given point at least one side is having some kind of an emotional crisis. You figure that it’s best to get a headstart on solving this one, before you can talk yourself out of it.

But obviously you can’t do it alone.

“Roman.”

The side in question shrieks, spinning around hastily with wide eyes. You don’t even blink, staring him down from the kitchen doorway until he has the sense to stop screaming. He cuts himself off with a cough, clearing his throat and returning to whatever it was that he was doing. After an appropriate awkward silence, he shoots you a sheepish smile.

“Oh, ha- I- I didn’t see you there, Virgil,” he huffs a tiny laugh, his mouth twitching. It’s such a soft little expression, a bit embarrassed but mostly- Dammit, Virgil, you’re here for a reason! Keep it together, you useless homosexual.

“I guessed that, yeah,” you trudge into the room, lifting yourself up onto the counter beside the stove. “How are you?”

He pauses for a moment. It’s a simple question, but the both of you understand its true significance. You’re expecting an honest, no-nonsense answer as to how he’s been feeling. It’s sort of a system, to help prevent all that bottling up of emotions that you’re all so used to.

“I suppose I’m… a little out of it. I got rather caught up in sculpting for a good few hours,” as he explains, you notice him absently digging clay out from under his nails, “So I figured it was time for a lunch break.”

“Good,” you tell him, because it’s important that he hears things like that. He’s staring vacantly into the water that’s beginning to bubble on the stove, but you know he will return the check-in question to you in his own time. Technically, you could have just walked in and began with what you really wanted to talk about, but this method gives the conversation a more clear-cut structure. Greeting, followed by question-response, followed by question-response; it’s properly outlined.

“What’s going on with you, then?”

“I feel like garbage,” you see him blink in surprise, but he waits politely for you to continue. “I’m worried. I mean- I'm usually worried, but in this specific circumstance, I’m worried about-”

“Logan?” He looks up when he says it, his gaze searching.

“Yeah- um, yes. You noticed it, too?”

“Oh, please,” there's an obnoxious clanging as Roman idly swings around a slotted spoon, “I may not be as observant as you nerds, but you could stand to give me some credit.”

You settle him with A Look. He huffs.

“Okay fine! I only caught on when he… ugh, it's embarrassing, but we like to write. Together. On Wednesdays. But he’s been ditching.”

You already had a hunch about your friends’ little poetry sessions, as neither are particularly subtle about anything, at all, ever. It's super dorky, but it’s a very them thing to do. This development is concerning, to say the least.

“Wait, then why haven’t you brought it up?”

Roman squirms a bit, clinking his slotted ladle against the stovetop repetitively. You regret the interrogative tone that found its way into your voice.

“I didn't want to be, you know, needy. He said he was busy- and like, it was a little sketchy when he was only busy when I wanted to hang out- but- I just assumed he’d maybe gotten bored with it. I didn’t want him to get even more distant with me, so I didn’t say anything.”

Well, okay, you totally fail at not being distracted by that. Scooching a little further down the counter, you bump Roman's hip with the side of your foot.

“Hey.”

He doesn't look up.

“Roman.”

He groans, throwing his head back and glaring up at the cabinets.

“I know! Saying it out loud, alright, I know he wouldn't do something like that- it's just- I forget sometimes, Virge.”

You don't ask him to elaborate. He doesn't need to. He shifts away from the stove and drops his head onto your shoulder, leaning against you.

“But if you've noticed it too, then something must really be wrong, huh?”

You give a short laugh.

“Yeah. He's upset about something, I can tell. It’s fuzzy, though, that’s the weirdest thing. It's like, I can feel the anxiety from, but it's being overpowered by something else in there. I have no idea what, so it's gotta be out of my jurisdiction.”

He hums curiously.

“What’s the plan then? Drag him out of his room and make him hang out with us?” Roman's voice rumbles against your shoulder, and it's so comforting that you can't help but hook a leg around his waist to keep him near you.

“Great idea, I'm sure that he’ll really appreciate that,” your sarcasm (hopefully) takes the impact out of your downright cuddly nature. Roman is unfazed.

“That is literally what the both of you did to me mere months ago. I'd say that turned out pretty well, hmm?”

He tilts his head to the side, dragging out the hum with his face pressed against your neck. It's a concerted effort to snark at him instead of purring from the feeling.

“I doubt that L would appreciate something like that, just because you- Jesus,” you cut yourself off when Roman fucking nuzzles you, ew gross- “Oh my fucking God, can you- prrr- can you st- prrrrr- stop for one second? You're- re- rerrrrrr- distracting me!” You push him off of you, feigning disgust. You don’t want to, but you have to at least try to stay on track.

He just chuckles, dropping away from you if only to take his food off the stove.

“Sorry, sorry, it's just so hard to resist. You’re a kitten!”

“I know you're God-awful at genuine conversations, so I guess I'll let it slide this time.”

You see the offended look spread across his face, and hastily hold a hand up to interrupt.

“Logan.”

“Right, yes. Logan.”

“I mean, what would he say?” you drag your hand down your face, wracking your brain for any of his advice that you could apply to the situation. “He’d be all ‘the logical course of action would simply be to confront me, Virgil, because I am a stubborn little bitch and I will dance around the issue indefinitely,’” You nod, satisfied with both your impression and the conclusion it brought you to. Roman shoots you a comically wide grin.

“That was scary, how much you sounded like him.”

You shrug, offering a hum.

“So we should just… what? Walk up to his door, knock knock,‘what’s going on with you, man?’, and see what happens?”

“As crazy as it sounds, maybe this would be easier if we didn't prolong it for three weeks and complicate it like we do with everything else?”

There's a clatter as Roman struggles to reach the top cabinet for a bowl. You drop down from the counter, reach over his head, and hand it to him.

“When you phrase it like that, I suppose it sounds obvious,” he takes the ceramic and fills it up- without a thanks, the bitch.

“Okay. We do that, then.”

“Okay.”

You hover in the kitchen, watching him grab his meal and begin to walk away. He tosses his head over his shoulder, giving you a look that you can't quite place.

“Are you just going to wait there while I eat my lunch? We’ll go up in a few minutes, but I'd rather not pass out from lack of blood sugar in the middle of what's sure to be a whole production.”

“Oh- right.”

<<<???>>><<<???>>><<<???>>>

At your knock, there is absolutely no response from the other side of Logan’s door. You knock again- not so much as a footstep! You push down your immediate frustration at the nerve of him, knowing that you must keep your cool (but you also know that he has everyone’s knocks memorized; he knows it’s you!).

You spare a glance to Virgil. He stares back at you, lip worried between his fangs, hands twisting themselves at his sleeves. He’s slouching so much that he looks nearly as short as you.

“Is it… is it that bad?” your knuckles are still barely pressing against the inky-blue door, lingering. He nods.

“Fuck, dude, whatever he’s feeling is intense. But, I can’t figure out what the hell it is,” he makes an attempt at whispering, but it sounds more like screeching TV static than anything.

He’s in there, and Virgil isn’t the only one who can sense it. It’s electric; whatever Virgil isn’t picking up on seems to have fallen into your domain. Unfortunately, it must be one of your non-primary side functions, because you have no idea what the specifics are. You curse the fact that you aren’t nearly as in tune with these things as he, by design, is.

“We gotta get in there, Roman.”

The use of your proper name startles you. You grind your teeth, turning his suggestion over in your mind a few times before shaking your head sharply.

“You were the one that said we needed a subtle approach, you- Virgil,” you catch yourself before a nickname slips out, trying to share in his sincerity for the moment.

He gives a shaky sigh.

“I- I know what I said, but- Fuck, Ro, it’s bad.”

Now, it may be just because you’re a contrary bitch, but you have flipped on your original stance as well, leaving the both of you at odds. The worse this feels, the more you need to hesitate. If he’s avoiding you- both of you, the mini-him in your head reminds you, mind your mental filtering- then there's a reason for it. A reason to do with anxiety and you, which could easily be the ‘passion’ part of you, and that gives the strong implication that he’s deeply angry and hurt. In which case, you know that you could easily do something to make it much worse. You are very good at saying the wrong thing.

And so. You stare blankly at his door. Immobile.

Virgil elbows you.

You wrap your knuckles against the door and send him a glare. He groans, ramming his shoulder into yours.

“Okay, Roman, out of the way-”

“I’m getting some bad vibes-”

“Yeah, me too, that's kind of the point!”

“Well, there’s no reason to get snippy!”

“I don’t need a reason anyway, now move-”

At a light shuffling from behind the door, you both snap your mouths shut. It’s dead silent as you wait, more patient than you've ever been before, as the muffled footsteps draw closer to the door. They stop just short of it, and for a moment you don't breathe.

“I can hear you,” came a muffled, barely-audible rasp.

You fall against the door at once, pressing the side of your face into its cool surface. Virgil appears beside you, his claws suspended just above the knob. They hover like he’d be burned if he touched it. His voice is carefully measured, and he nearly sounds normal when he speaks.

“L, buddy, can you let us in? Can we talk?”

You nod along, realize that he cannot see you, and then enthusiastically proclaim your agreement with the statement instead.

There's a long pause. You fear that Logan’s left again.

“Is this… necessary?”

“I’d really like to know why you aren't talking to us, so yeah,” you try not to snap, you really do, but you can tell that you’ve failed as soon as the words leave your mouth. You hope he'll understand how you really meant it.

There's a sigh, and yet another silence. Virgil makes eye-contact with you, face twisted up with concern.

“It was not my intention for you to think me angry with you, if that's what you’re worried about.”

“That’s not it, Lo,” well, Virgil can speak for himself, because you were kind of worried about that. “I know something's going on. I know you.”

“Virgil,” his voice sounds much clearer, closer, as though he's pressed against the doorframe like yourself, “Virgil, your voice.”

“Don't know if you can tell, man, but I'm pretty anxious right now. And I know that not all of it is mine.”

At the next lapse, you don't wait for Logan to speak.

“Specs, hey, listen to me: I don't have a clue what's going on-” you let yourself smile, knowing that he can hear it in your voice, “Which is kind of my usual state, really- but the point is, it doesn't matter. We're here for you, no matter what. The three of us- best friends, right? Bee-eff-effs.”

“Best friends forever,” he mutters.

“Ah! I’m glad you agree!”

“No- it’s- I was correcting you, abbreviations have no place in verbal conversation- especially in place of simple phrases such as that one.”

“There he is,” Virgil chuckles, the distortion finally edging out of his throat.

Logan sighs. You hear a bump.

“I suppose, if you two are really so concerned,” the lock clicks, “Then it would only be hypocritical of me to refuse to speak with you on this matter, given how I encourage you to do the opposite almost constantly,” the knob twists, pushes forwards an inch, halts abruptly, “Although… I can’t promise you full transparency. I don’t- I don’t think I’m quite ready for that conversation.”

Well that is ominous. But, then again, progress is progress.

You step back, and the door swings open.

You fail to stifle your gasp.

Logan stands in the doorway, his head up, spine straight, and his hands behind his back- his usual stance. The posturing does nothing, however, to hide just how bloodshot his eyes are behind his glasses. He trembles, almost, when he looks from you to Virgil, and then back again. As soon as you meet his gaze, he glances down to the carpet, tapping his foot on the floor compulsively. It’s a state you’ve seen him in plenty of times, but the knowledge that this time you were somehow responsible for it pushes daggers under your skin.

“Well,” he falters, “Come in, I suppose.”

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les-mis-still-makes-me-cry · 4 years

Text

Lily Evans Definitely Has a Boyfriend Chapter 4

Sitting in the drafts for a long time but let’s get this started again! Chap 1 Chap 2 Chap 3

As soon as she walked in and heard her mum bustling around the kitchen, Lily was certain that she’d made a huge mistake. There was absolutely no way anyone in their right minds would buy the idea that she and James were an item. How many arguments had they had? How many jinxes and hexes? A relationship was so completely beyond the realm of reality. This was never going to work.

Lily would have walked right back out the door if it weren’t for James’ hand holding hers, keeping her from running away. He kept her steady, looking confident as ever although she could feel his hands getting a little clammy. Ah, the great James Potter does get nervous, she thought with smug satisfaction. Good.

She led him forward, into their small kitchen. Lily’s mum stood at the hob with her back turned, so she didn’t notice their entrance at first. Lily watched James’ eyes take in the room, from the small dining table to the dripping tap to the hob where her mum heated up a pan. Had he ever been in a Muggle kitchen before? Was he shocked by how… basic it was compared to wizarding kitchens, where dishes practically prepared themselves? Judging by his fascination with the street outside she didn’t imagine he would be particularly snobbish, but she still decided to quickly get things started to distract him.

Lily’s mum still faced the stove, humming along to the radio as she flipped bacon in time. Clearly Lily was going to have to get her mother’s attention. She coughed emphatically, causing her mum to jump slightly.

“Oh, hi love, are you wanting any breakfast?” her mum asked absentmindedly, still facing away.

“Em, mum, I’ve actually… brought someone to meet you,” said Lily, blushing furiously. James’ fingers squeezed hers and have gave her a sly grin. No going back now.

Lily’s mum whirled around, eyes going wide as she took in the tall, messy-haired boy taking up half her kitchen with his long, gangly limbs. She almost imperceptibly looked him over quickly, eyes drawn to their still-joined hands, before remembering her manners.

“You must be the boyfriend! Oh my goodness Lily you should have given me some warning, I’m still in my pyjamas!” her mum babbled. She rushed forward to shake James’ hand enthusiastically with both of her own. “But it’s wonderful to meet you- I’m so sorry, what was your name again?”

“James Potter, it’s wonderful to meet you too, Mrs Evans,” James replied with a smile, warmly taking her hand. Lily resisted the urge to elbow him in the ribs seeing the twinkle in his eye as Lily’s mum smiled back just as warmly. Charming git.

“Oh please, call me Eleanor,” she replied, finally releasing his hand. “Did you say Potter? I remember Lily always used to write about a Potter, didn’t you sweetheart?”

James’ face lit up as he turned back to Lily with mischief in his hazel eyes. “You used to write home about me?”

Lily stopped resisting her urge and elbowed James in the ribs, dropping his hand. “To tell her what a prat you were, always asking me out in ridiculous ways.”

He laughed, pretending to look sober for a second. “It’s true, I was a real idiot in my younger years. I’m grateful your daughter ever looked at me again after that,” he added to Lily’s mum, who was looking from one to the other with a beaming smile.

“Ah, Lily was never one to hold grudges. And clearly you must have done something right since you’re here now together,” she said happily.

“Yes, I’m always happy to take on charity cases,” said Lily drily. Lily’s mum laughed, and turned back to the bacon. James took the opportunity to mouth to her be nice, girlfriend. She made a face and mouthed back shut up. He swooped in and put his arm around her shoulders, which she immediately shrugged off. He grinned, still clearly enjoying himself.

She pointed wordlessly at the table, and took a seat, James following closely behind.

“Can I get you any breakfast James? You must be hungry if you had to travel far to get here,” chirped Lily’s mum.

“Oh, I didn’t have far to travel at all. I mean I suppose it was far, but I just apparated here so it barely took a second,” said James.

Lily’s eyes widened. “You didn’t just apparate on my doorstep? What if someone had seen you?” she said, alarmed. Even though they had both passed their Apparition Tests this year, Lily was still afraid to use it under normal circumstances. It was all too easy to be spotted and risk being cautioned under the Statute of Secrecy, despite now being of age. People popping into existence out of nowhere were hard to explain away, especially in small Muggle towns.

“No, no, Remus mentioned there was a little alley between your street and the next that was pretty inconspicuous, then I walked over. Bought myself some Muggle clothes as well, to fit in,” James said, a touch of pride in his voice.

“Oh, I would never have known those were just bought today,” Lily’s mum said with surprise. “You look right at home in them.” Clearly her mum had nothing but praise for her new boyfriend, thought Lily. Not boyfriend, fake boyfriend. She was already struggling to keep track. Lily attempted to change the subject, to avoid further fawning from her mum.

“Do you know if Petunia is awake yet? I really wanted to James to meet her, too,” said Lily abruptly. To get him out of the house sooner, she mentally added.

“Oh you know your sister, she’s never been an early bird,” said Lily’s mum. “She doesn’t still have to wake up at the crack of dawn for school like you pair.”

“Even earlier for me, since I have Quidditch practise most mornings,” said James. Lily tried not to snort. Of course he brought up Quidditch within the first few minutes of conversation.

“Ooh really, are you on the house team?” asked Lily’s mum.

“Yeah, I play Chaser, they’re the ones who play with the Quaffle,” said James, being uncharacteristically humble. Since her mum was headed over to the table with bacon, Lily decided to play up the relationship. She grabbed James’ hand and pretended to simper over him.

“He’s just being modest, he’s been the Captain since fourth year and they’ve won every season so far. He’s amazing,” Lily gushed. James smothered a smirk at her sudden change in attitude. She felt like a total prat, but her mum seemed to find it adorable.

“That’s wonderful! You must talk to Vernon. He loves sports too, I’m sure you’ll get on like a house on fire,” said Lily’s mum.

“Mum, watching golf isn’t the same as actually playing the sport,” sighed Lily.

“What’s golf?” asked James curiously.

“It’s a Muggle sport where you use clubs to hit small white balls into holes in the ground, and you’re trying to do it in as few shots as possible,” Lily explained patiently.

“So, you’re trying to avoid playing as much as you can?” James looked unconvinced at golf’s merits.

“Vernon’s probably better at explaining it than Lily, she’s always been more of a bookworm anyway,” Lily’s mum said quickly.

“Don’t I know it, always top of the class,” he grinned at Lily, squeezing her fingers. Lily looked down in surprise at their intertwined fingers. She had almost forgotten they were still holding hands. It reminded her of his backstory he had created while they sat outside. She knew Potter had a talent for creative lies after six years of alibis for pranks, but to create something so sweet and heartfelt was… unexpected, to say the least. Lily’s train of thought ran away from her entirely as she mused on this new Potter. Lily’s mum and James continued to chat around her, but Lily stayed quiet, eating her food without breaking the connection between their hands.

His hand did feel nice in hers, she noted. His were bigger, tanned, calloused from Quidditch, hers smaller and still ink stained from her letter to James last night. She saw marks and scars all over his hand, doubtless from all the nonsense he and his mates had got up to over the years. She felt the muscles in his hand flex as he moved, always present but never moving enough to move it away from hers. His thumb lightly stroked the side of her hand, almost unconsciously. It tickled but Lily couldn’t bring herself to stop him.

“That’s very kind of you, Eleanor, but I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense, it’ll be no trouble! I would love to get to know you better, and I’m sure Petunia will too.”

“If you’re sure, then I’d be delighted. I would just have to apparate back home and pack a few things.”

Lily snapped out of her trance and looked up at James’ last sentence.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” she asked in confusion.

Her mum tutted. “Daydreaming, as always. James was just saying he’ll need to go home for his things for the next few days.”

“Why does he need his things?” said Lily stupidly.

“If you had been listening to us,” Lily’s mum said exasperatedly, “You would have heard me invite James to stay with us until the dinner on Saturday.”

Time seemed to slow down for Lily as alarm bells started ringing in her head. Potter? Stay at her house for the best part of a week? She had to be joking, right? It was absolutely not happening, that was final. She would quite literally go insane with his joking and flirting constantly for 4 more days without a break.

And yet she couldn’t say no, at least not directly, she realised with frustration. What kind of girlfriend doesn’t want her boyfriend around after not seeing him for weeks? Especially when said girlfriend is trying to use him to get into her sister’s good books. Lily’s brain whizzed, weighing up her options, hoping her mother didn’t notice her hesitance. She knew James already had, by his thumb ceasing its little circles on her hand.

“But… where will he sleep?” said Lily. It wasn’t much of a defence and she knew it, but anything else would sound too suspicious.

“Well, I thought you and Petunia could share her room, in the spirit of sisterly bonding,” Lily’s mum said brightly.

“You have got to be joking.” Lily dropped James’ hand entirely to cross her arms and glare at her mother. “I’m absolutely not sharing a room with Tuney. And she’ll say the same.”

“And I’ll say that it’s either that or you sleep in the bath, and not to be so rude in front of our guest,” Lily’s mum said, as sharply as the softly spoken woman could manage. Her eyes met Lily’s and she knew that she had no chance. When her mother had made up her mind, her word was law.

James looked between them, panic on his face at causing this domestic strife. “I don’t have to stay, really, I don’t want to-”

“It’s really no trouble at all, James, like I said,” Lily’s mum said lightly, finally breaking eye contact with her daughter. “Isn’t that right, Lily?”

Lily and James turned to each other, his eyes looking for guidance, hers expressing nothing at all. When she spoke, her voice seemed to hold nothing of her anger just a few seconds before.

“I’d love to have you stay, James. Please, don’t worry about me,” she said calmly. She took his hand gently. He smiled back, just a hint of reservation in his eyes.

“As long as you’re happy, Lily,” said James.

“I am,” said Lily, as convincingly as she could muster.

“Great!” Lily’s mother broke the silence. “I’ll sort out these dishes then, you say goodbye to James as he goes to fetch his things, Lily. I’ll see you later, James!”

“Thank you so much for breakfast, Eleanor, it was really great,” James replied, getting up from the table. Lily didn’t say anything as she led James out of the room.

“Lily, are you-” he murmured, stopping when he saw her face. Lily just shook her head, leading him back out the front door. Only when it was safely shut behind them did she speak.

“What exactly do you think you’re playing at, Potter,” she said, her face calm but her voice filled with venom.

“Doing what you wanted!” James exclaimed. They started storming down the road together, keeping well apart.

“Since when did I want you to stay for the whole bloody week?” Lily snapped.

“Since your mum suggested it? To make this whole thing realistic?” James replied equally viciously.

“You could have said no! God, now I have to spend 4 days sharing a room with Petunia, you’ve ruined everything!”

“Why in Merlin’s name are you upset about this? You wanted me to have time to bond with your sister, and you wanted to get closer to her! You should be thanking me!”

“Thanking-” Lily couldn’t get the words out, she was so angry. “I can’t think of anything worse!”

James ran a hand through his hair roughly, other hand balled into a fist. “Then why the hell am I here trying to help you with a sister you don’t even like?”

“Because- because that’s what sisters are meant to do!” shouted Lily.

“Then why are you pissed off at me? You’re making no sense, Lily,” he retorted.

The pair reached the alley near Lily’s house where the bins kept any apparition away from Muggle eyes. Lily struggled to form an answer to James, the blood rushing through her head too loudly for her to think clearly.

“Because… this wasn’t the plan, James, it was just meant to be the one night,” she said, sounding exhausted.

“Well, plans change Lily, you’ve just got to roll with it,” James replied, lowering his voice to match hers.

She took a deep breath in and a long breath out her mouth. There was a very miniscule possibility, she realised, that she was overreacting. It was just for a few days, she lived with James 9 months of the year already. She and Petunia sharing a bedroom was bound to be unpleasant, but like James and her mother said, it might help reinforce the case for being a bridesmaid. And it would definitely give them enough time to convince Petunia that she and James were definitely an item.

She ran that list over in her head as she looked up at James again. He didn’t look angry anymore, just exasperated at her. She couldn’t really blame him, she’d been the one begging him to come and all she did was snap at him. They’d had two arguments and it wasn’t even lunchtime yet.

“Sorry,” she said quietly.

He raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

“What, is that not enough?” she said, her voice escalating again.

“No, no,” he assured, “It’s just that I’ve never… well I don’t think you’ve ever been the first one to apologise before.”

Lily frowned “Because it’s normally you being a git.”

“True, mostly, but you can be a bit of an arse as well, Lily,” James said placidly.

She opened her mouth to defend herself, but dozens of scenarios popped into her head to shut her up. Somehow she had convinced herself that it was always James instigating things, but she had always been just as quick with a snarky comment or a well-placed jinx. She always just considered herself to be in the right before. Before, she always had the voice of Snape on her side, telling her how great she was, how funny Potter had looked with his feet on backwards, how much of a git he was…

“Yeah, you’re right,” Lily agreed. James looked completely taken aback.

“Wait, I am?”

“A little bit, at least,” Lily said with a wry smile.

“Stop the presses! Lily Evans and James Potter have agreed on something!” Potter exclaimed to an imaginary audience, hands cupped around his mouth. Lily smacked his hands down, giggling.

“Calm down, you prat, it had to happen one of these days.”

“Nope, nothing you say will take this glorious moment away from me. If only I had a Pensieve to save this precious memory forever,” James sang tunelessly. He grabbed her hands and started twirling her around, narrowly avoiding the dustbins.

“I’ll obliviate you in a second if you don’t cut that out,” Lily grumbled, trying to fight off a smile.

He gave her one final spin under his arm and let go, still grinning from ear to ear.

“Your wish is my command, O wonderful girlfriend of mine.” He bowed to her pompously.

“FAKE girlfriend,” she reminded him.

“But of course,” he said, bowing even lower before rising back up to his full height.

“Now I suppose you should get back home and get some packing done,” said Lily.

James dropped the jester act for a minute and looked at her seriously. “Are you absolutely sure? I know I said I think it’s the best plan but if you’re genuinely not happy about it you can just say to your mum-”

“Shh, James, I’m sure. It’s the best way to convince Petunia,” Lily said. “And I haven’t killed you yet so I guess I can make it a few more days.”

“Ah, is that a challenge?” he grinned.

“Absolutely not,” said Lily firmly.

“Too late,” said James. He grabbed her hand and bent to kiss it quickly. “Till later, lovely girlfriend of mine.”

“FAKE girlfriend!” Lily insisted, only to be met with a cheeky grin, before James took a step and spun around, apparating away with a loud CRACK. Lily looked around, making sure no one had caught sight, before sighing once more.

What on earth was she going to do with that boy? Lily didn’t know if she could take another 4 days of this rollercoaster of emotions. But then, things between her and James had never been smooth. There had always been something about him that got her attention, for better or for worse…

She shook her head, ignoring the way her hand was tingling where his lips had pressed against it. Definitely for worse, she mentally corrected. Four days and she was free, and she and Potter could have another year free of interaction. It was all for the best. Gryffindor tower had never known peace when they were arguing every few days, they couldn’t inflict that upon their long-suffering housemates again.

Although a couple of them seemed to find their interactions amusing, Remus for one. Lily knew he would be desperate for news of the fake boyfriend business, especially after Potter’s request for her address. She turned and began to walk out of the alley, already writing the letter in her head.

Just as she skirted around a bin bag that looked about ready to burst at the seams, she started suddenly, hearing a loud noise echo from all the way down the street.

“SHE’S WHAT?” the voice screeched.

Lily grimaced and prepared for battle. It seemed Petunia was awake.

That’s all for now folks! I’ll probably just keep posting these on Tumblr but I’m stopping editing all the old posts with new chapters so to keep up to date either follow me (#selfpromo) or follow the story on AO3 or FFN. Much love!

15 notes · View notes

hollenka99 · 4 years

Text

The Creator

Summary: When Sean discovers he has the ability to bring his characters to life, he wasn’t expecting to be shunned by them or for it to lead to tragedy time and time again.

Warnings: Blood mention, implied death (including children), kidnapping mention

Sean wishes he never went to Max's house that night. It wasn't any fun. They were just really mean to him and he didn't like it. It's not like he didn't try to stay awake. It was a dumb anyway. His mother asks him if he'd like her to speak with Max's mother. He tells her no. In response she encourages him to stop moping about if it wasn't that bad. Well, fine then. Max sucks and Sean can make a way better friend than him any day. Right, what kind of qualities should a good friend have? He should be kind always, never teases him in a mean way, be willing to be there for him and want to join in with his games. For the hell of it, Sean adds 'never sleeps' to the criteria. This imaginary friend is named Jack, after the family nickname. Having been moulded into the 6 year old's interpretation of a perfect friend, Jack becomes a concrete part of Sean's life. Jack is always there when he gets home from school. They mess around in the woods near the house, complain about homework together and share a great deal of laughter between themselves. For years, his parents and siblings brush it off as him being a little boy. However, Sean is undeniably getting older. With each birthday, having an imaginary friend is increasingly becoming something he should outgrow. And he is, somewhat. It's just that Jack feels so real to him. But his friend understands. Sean is no longer 6 and it is time for him to gradually mature. He gets crushes, makes his way through secondary school and decides he may have made a mistake with his original degree choice. Through it all, he's maintained an interest in video games. So screw it, there is a place for gaming content on YouTube. What does he have to lose? This damn cabin doesn't exactly allow him many opportunities to socialise with those outside his family otherwise. He goes by Jacksepticeye on the website, harkening back to a nickname he gained following an injury years before. Months pass and it is soon July. To his surprise, his channel's subscriber count reaches 1000. He's delighted. That was 1000 more than he'd ever really expected. He films a vlog to mark the occasion and thank his audience. Something he'd expected even less than his sub count was his doppelganger, complete with an identical outfit, collapsing in front of his television. Regaining composure after getting to his feet, the clone speaks. "Um, hi Sean." "What the fuck? Who are you and why do look like me?" "I'm Jack." "Okay. Hello Jack. What the hell are you doing in my living room?" "No, Jack as in... Jack. From when you were a kid." Sean stands there, no words coming from his mouth. He seems to remember himself after a minute. "But you're imaginary. You were an imaginary friend, it's kind of in the name." "I guess that's changed." Jack shrugs, obviously as lost as he was by this unique situation. Sean falls back onto the sofa. With his hands in his hair, he lets out a deep breath. Jack gently sits himself on the other side of the sofa. Not bothering to lift his head, Sean opens his mouth. "I'm going to be honest. This was not how I imagined my day going." "I didn't think I'd suddenly come to life either." Sean leans back and their eyes meet. A beat passes before they both descend into laughter at the absurdity of it. That summer is phenomenal compared to his previous expectations for it. He introduces Jack to so many things that he usually took for granted. They eat more tubs of ice cream together than was healthy, don't allow a week to pass without a competitive gaming session and occasionally wander about in the woods surrounding the cabin. There was apparently a whole other world with people Jack haphazardly described as 'the NPCs to my main character'. Their faces were probably based on people Sean had walked past in the street. There was this completely separate world and the entry point was simply lingering outside his cabin. It was inconceivable. When he gets the courage to venture through the gateway, he discovers it's actually a bit remote. Isolated, like his cabin is. Jack helps him laugh it off. Besides, he couldn't be expected to be creative with his literal worldbuilding if he didn't know how he was doing it in the first place. Jack introduces him to a friend who was like him. This Australian guy called Angus Irwin tags along to a hang out session. Here was this person, standing right before him, whom he was entirely responsible for creating. By messing around in Far Cry 3 and putting on a dumb accent, he'd created life. What the hell was he capable of? The three of them are firm friends by the time the local trees have suffered a significant loss of leaves. He and Jack gradually become the joint face of the Jacksepticeye channel. For some reason (Jack cited Sean's 6 year old self for this) his doppelganger didn't sleep. This was actually very beneficial for him because he could edit while Sean slept. God knows Jack complained enough about his sleep schedule. When he gets announced as a winner of Pewdiepie's shout out competition in September, Jack swings by to congratulate him. Along with Angus, the trio spent the evening celebrating this bizarre occasion. There was a lot of work he'd have to put in to keep the momentum going but Sean knew it would be worth it in the end. The colder months fly by after that. Jack had never been particularly affected by the cold before. However, now that he could feel it, he suffered the consequences of not wearing enough layers. Jack detesting the cold is funny to Sean, especially after how much his friend thrived in summer. Angus wasn't used to the lower Irish temperatures either. He helped them stay warm as best he could. That goddamn cabin with its internally forming frost didn't help but still, he tried. He jokes he should conjure up more radiators for Jack and Angus' home despite not having the faintest clue how to actually do so. As the new year approaches, Sean realises he never gave Jack a birthday. They could have celebrated in November because he is maybe 90% sure Max was born during that month. Therefore, Jack would have been initially thought up during November 1996. But Sean had no idea what the specific date of creation was. Not to mention November had already passed anyway. There was that date in July but he wasn't sure he should pick the anniversary of Jack becoming corporeal as his birthday. At a loss, he goes for the day he associates with birthdays the most. Who says Jack couldn't share his birthday? He blanks on what to get his friend. He's not sure where he gets the dumb idea to let Jack experience hot chocolate for the first time as a birthday treat. Jack gets understandably frustrated by this ban on the drink. It pays off when Sean gets to witness the wonderful sight of his friend enjoying hot chocolate. Lost on what to give Angus for his birthday in early April, he approaches Jack for ideas. His friend suggests getting a toy leopard and jewellery that can fit on the animal. Sean can't help but question the odd combination. When Jack explains leopards love jewellery, especially the gold digging females, it's as if these were widely known facts. Sean had been bullshitting when he'd spouted that nonsense. Jack reminds him it was factual to Angus. Oh alright, fuck it. Let's present Angus with a jewellery loving leopard on his birthday. As predicted, the Australian wildlife man greatly appreciates the gift. It's late summer once more when Sean's problems begin. Jack mentions being concerned about their friend's changing sleeping habits. Then Angus' memory gradually starts suffering. Throughout 2015, Angus gets worse. Jack's always had a big mouth. He tends to speak before he truly thinks things through. Sean's technically to blame for that. However, it hasn't been much of an issue until now. The first time Jack brings up potentially finding a way to reverse whatever was affecting Angus, he hates to reject him. The painfully dejected look in his best friend's eyes breaks his heart. He wants to help, he really does. He just can't. Not long after, he spends an hour or two looking for a game with an open world. Perhaps he could put on an Australian accent for the anniversary of the character's first appearance. Nothing comes up. Life gets in the way. Sean abandons the search for a while. Jack never allows him to forget for too long. What starts as "I'm worried about Angus" soon morphs into "Angus only called me Jake once today". The longer it goes on, the more desperate Jack gets. And angrier. Sean has never seen such frustrated fury in his friend. He wishes he never had to. He's not even sure if he can call himself a true friend anymore, given how much he's already failed them. The cycle of attempting to find a solution and putting it on the back burner due to no leads continues. As do the arguments with Jack. Contrary to popular belief, he is putting in the effort. The main problem was he never seemed to have anything to show for it. He still cares for Angus too. The reason he wasn't visiting their home as often was because he didn't always feel welcome. As was in Jack's nature, he kept forgiving him. He'd say it was fine and Sean would agree for the sake of it. But it wasn't fine. He is beginning to forget when the last time things were 'fine'. Following some filming with Ninja Sex Party, Sean is excited to dress up as a superhero for a bit during a Welcome To The Game video. Jack is just as pleased to make a new friend. Jackie is a surprise, his young age even more so. He was 16 and, as far Jack had told him, brimming with excess energy. The new arrival had been a shock for Jack too, apparently. The most he could offer the kid last night was a can of Dr Pepper and some custard creams. Shit, this was new territory. He hasn't had to deal with a new ego in years. Jackie's age causes conversations about school and whether the boy would need an education in the first place. Sean doesn't necessarily see the point. Was Jackie currently the only minor in their world? Because in that case, has a high school suddenly popped up to accommodate a single student? Even if Sean created a character with children at a later date, the kids would probably be the wrong age group to attend school with Jackie. If it was that important to Jack to see the young superhero have an education, he would have to do it himself. Being home-schooled would also allow Jackie to do his job. Attempts at being responsible aside, he ensures Jackie knows he can come to him if needs anything specific. Naturally, he gravitates to Jack as his adult role model. Sean doesn't mind. They live together and Jackie therefore has easier access to him. But Sean is still there if the need arises. A month later, he buys a cheap cat mask that covers half of his face. It was something to use once and forget about until you throw it away in a big spring clean. The magic set was the same, only with extra smaller parts. The video is nothing spectacular. All it entailed was him messing around with the box's contents before switching to decorating the mask. The last thing he was anticipating was the creation of life. Although, by this point, perhaps he should have. Besides, he hadn't even given himself a name. It was just 'Jack the Magnificent'. Jack comes to rectify this oversight a couple days later. He explains he'd made the suggestion the night of Marvin's arrival. The box had the name on it so why not let the new ego make it his own? The main issue Jack had with all this was that Marvin had not been planned in the slightest. With Jackie, there'd been some preparation. Neither of them may have foreseen his creation but at least there had been a name and outfit. All Marvin had was a mask, plus a name that was already taken. "This better not happen again." Jack privately demands. "I don't want another Angus. God knows you're not going to help." Jack swings by at the end of August to inform him Jackie's in hospital. He'd gotten stabbed while confronting a thief. He was fine, recovering well and all that but he thought Sean might want to know. On the subject of requiring medical care, Jack brings up the idea to have a doctor ego. Just someone who understood their unique situation and could also take care of their health. Oh, oh yeah. He can totally do that. He'll need some things for the video so give him a chance to prepare but definitely, one doctor coming right up. He feels somewhat dumb playing Operation as if it were a serious procedure in this cheap surgeon's outfit he bought over the weekend. And yes, even he can admit the 'German' accent was atrocious. Half of what comes out of his mouth is bullshit. If this works as intended and he creates an ego from it, this guy is sure going to be interesting. He pretends to be distressed over Peter's death. Then it hits him that Dr Schneeplestein probably won't appreciate him killing his friend and personal accountant. He could try refilm it but he doubts he has the time. Fix it through editing? Sure, but then it might be obvious that there was another part. Alright fine, maybe he'll just have to deal with the consequences. Dr Henrik von Schneeplestein is indeed an interesting guy. A married father too, which surprises him. Not only has he made the doctor, there is a new family of 5 in the egos' neighbourhood. One of these days he'll know what he's doing with this creation thing. For now though, he thinks it's very cool that he managed a 5 for the price of 1 deal. Henrik himself is intelligent and if Sean was more knowledgeable on certain topics, he's sure they'd be able to share thoughtful conversations. Either way, Henrik was incredibly busy with his professional duties and personal commitments. It was understandable that neither had much time in the day to sit down and truly get to know one another. For the hell of it, he throws in a little extra into the egos' characterisation. They can't die. Or, to be more specific, they can't die for long. Jackie gets stabbed and bleeds out? Easy, just deal with the wound and he should wake up after a while. What this means for Peter, who knows? Sean is secretly thankful when the accountant isn't granted life. That's one less person to keep happy. Like seemingly everything ego-related he does, it backfires. Within a year, this failsafe will have caused more suffering than hope. Sean isn't to know. However, he convinces himself he's done the right thing for once. He sure as hell knows how much trouble it's going to cause him if they don't believe that too. Sean makes an irreversible mistake in the October of 2016. The entire month, he has glitches sprinkled throughout his horror game videos. He gets so caught up in the teasing and build up that he doesn't contemplate how this will affect the egos. Worse yet, he recklessly allows Jack to film the Halloween video. Sure, he would have used a bit of red paint if it had been him filming. But since it was Jack? He doesn't want to imagine the scene Jackie discovers. God, he can't believe he's been so thoughtless. Signe has to encourage him to bed before he manages to rack up over 24 hours of being awake in one go. Resurrecting the dead is exhausting, he finds. He postpones visiting Jack for a day before realising his avoidance is likely making matters worse. The dread cumulates to the point he swears he will be sick if he doesn't actively focus on his breathing. The loophole he made in September might have ensured nobody died permanently but it never mentioned scars. It's not visible behind the bandages but he knows it's there. Jack is pissed off. Rightfully so. Matters worsen even more after Jackie vanishes while attempting to get away from their fighting. It's just another thing that's ruined the egos' perception of him. If he thought the hill Jack was ready to die on was Angus, he's got another thing coming. There's only so much he can take before he has to force apathy for the sake of his sanity. He understands he can't control Antisepticeye. Once this situation is dealt with, he vows, the demon will never be used on his channel again. The subscribers' love for the character will have to ignored. It's too risky to play Anti again. He puts the red suit on again. In the short video, only a minute or so in length, Jackie sprints through poorly lit corridors to the exit. Sean acts scared and looks behind him frequently as he runs. It is uploaded privately. His community didn't need to know anything about this. He hopes with everything he's got that it works. Nothing. For days, for weeks, for months. Sean doesn't bother letting the egos know what he'd tried to do. It's guaranteed Jack and Marvin would tell him to try harder. He has no idea what that means in this context. Christmas passes without incident. As does January. In February, he celebrates his 27th birthday alongside Jack. It's a day devoid of resentment. Sean had almost forgotten that was allowed in their friendship. He exaggerates his dissatisfaction about getting older. In response to this, Jack smears the frosting of his slice across Sean's face. 'Accidentally', of course. Just as accidentally as Sean reciprocated the action. Signe humours them by taking photographs of their new cake-based look. The next time they are hanging out in Jack's room, he notices a picture from that day is in a frame on his friend's dresser. "What's this about?" "Oh uh, this is going to sound dumb but... I like being reminded it isn't always so rough between us." "No. No, I get it. I um, I feel the same way. That day was great." He glances at the image once more. He lets out a humoured scoff. "Maybe I should save your dumb face to my phone." "Aww, wow, I knew you loved me really." Jack puts his arm around his shoulder. A playful shove. "Fuck off." In an emotional slump during April, he buys a bunch of Lyons boxes and mini chocolate eggs. It's just a parody of Dude Perfect from someone with zero accuracy. Then he does the stupid thing and creates life again. Fuck it, his wife hates him and he may never see his kids again. Chase Brody's depression causes him to pretend to shoot himself before the end card plays. When Jack calls him and demands to know what the hell he was thinking, Sean has no answer. It turns out that when the ending translated into Chase's reality, he'd actually shot himself in the head. Fuck. Afterwards, Jack doesn't provide his creator with any updates. Insisting he has the right to talk to Chase only makes him more hated. Despite having never met before, Chase already resents him. The next time an ego is intentionally created, Sean's going to be there to intercept them. They're not going to enter that home and have their opinion of him influenced by people who wished he wasn't in their lives. The next new guy would be given a fair chance to see Sean for what he was. A massive screw up when it came to the ability he's unsure how to master. But in no way was he some villain. August is around the corner when Jack asks to visit. The two of them seem to be on the same page that day. Sean is more than happy to hang out and cheer him up. Believing Jack would be empathetic, he begins a conversation about how the YouTube algorithm was bothering him. Over three years of working as a duo on the Jacksepticeye channel meant Jack should understand where he was coming from. But, of course, his friend makes it all about himself and his own problems. Why wouldn't he? It's what he usually does. They argue because apparently that's the only way they communicate with each other nowadays. Jack sure knows how to pack a punch. Being friends with him shouldn't be such a struggle. Sean snaps. The emotional fatigue of trying to keep up with the algorithm and all this fighting causes him to make one of the worst decisions he'd ever go through with. If Jack wants him to be the bad guy, fine. Sean would be the bad guy. Just this once, he'd actually be the asshole. "You want to sleep, I'll let you sleep." He threatens when Jack begins walking off mid-argument. "Bring back Jackie. He's been missing for months. Do something!" Jack flings viciously back seconds before he marches out the door. He can tell Signe regrets asking him how the gaming session went. He dresses as Schneeplestein as soon as he finalises his plan, pretending he aims to save a version of himself in Bio Inc Redemption. He loses. Oops. He acts as he feels the real Schneeplestein would, desperate not to watch another patient die. He sends the video to Robin for editing. The final uploaded product is nowhere near what he'd recorded. His audience are all talking about Anti. They were praising him for his acting and Robin for his editing. But... he never included Anti. Any recollection of filming the final scene was non-existent. And the parts with Henrik getting possessed weren't him either. The more he thinks about it, the further the terror sets in. Over the course of years, Jack had chipped at Sean's mind until he cracked. It had only meant to end with Jack slipping into a coma. Just a chance for Sean to focus on his own problems for once. He would have gotten Henrik to wake his patient up when Sean was ready. God, he just wanted peace for a change. It was never meant to happen like this. Marvin ever so pleasantly greets him with a "Fuck off" when he tries to visit Jack. He supposes he deserves it. But he didn't come here just to back down at the first sight of opposition. He may have caused Jack to be in that coma but, as his friend, he was still entitled to a visit. He has to push past Marvin just to get in. "Leave right now before I make you regret it." Marvin tails him through the corridor. "Hey, listen, I'll be the first to admit I fucked up big time-" He says over his shoulder. "You don't say." "But he was my friend too. I am seeing him whether you like it or not." "Well, I don't like it. And this is my home. So get out." Fed up to the back teeth of Marvin, he halts to whip around before lashing out. "We both know a bad mood on my part can spell disaster for you. That is how we got into this situation is the first place. So I would watch your mouth." "Oh, look at me, I'm Sean McLoughlin. I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it." Marvin uses a mocking tone before reverting to venom once more. "Guess that's what you told your 'best friend' before you put him in a fucking coma, isn't it?" "Don't you dare suggest I don't care." "You made him feel like he had no choice but to keep being nice to your sorry ass. He barely survived Halloween and now look where he's en-" "God, cut it out!" Chase marches towards them, looking as if he was 30 seconds from grabbing a weapon to silence them. "Both of you. Sean, you have 10 minutes then we want you gone. Marv, leave him alone because we honestly have enough shit going on without you stirring more of it." Marvin bluntly says "Five." "Okay, fine, you have 5 minutes then you leave." The magician clearly isn't satisfied with this compromise but decides it's not worth the effort of fighting further. "Thank you." "It wasn't for you. I did it so I can avoid a headache." Chase promptly leaves him to it. He's not even sure he wants to enter once he reaches the infirmary's doors. Still, he's gone through too much trouble to get this far. He can't undo all that effort now. He walks into the room and- Nope, he can't do this. He means, look at Jack! He makes for an awful sight. If his friend had looked terrible while recovering from Say Goodbye, this was a whole other level. He decides against making it past the doors. He's simply there in the corridor, sobbing. "Sean, I think you should go before Marvin tries to commit arson or something." It's the most patience Chase can muster after all that's happened this week. Sean can't appreciate the effort enough. He answers with a mix of 'Uh-huh, yeah, sure.' Jackie looks like he hasn't eaten a thing in the past 11 months when Sean answers the door to him in early October. He doesn't know what to say. If Jack were currently conscious, he would have probably informed Sean of the kid's arrival by now. Yet, as it stood, Marvin seemed to be the new 'leader' and pigs would fly before he bothered to do anything that benefited Sean. He notices Jackie never lets his feet touch the ground the entire time he's there. There is a long silence in the living room before Jackie comes out with "Why didn't you do anything?" "I tried but it didn't work." "Somehow I struggle to believe that." "Jackie-" "You could have prevented a lot of shit. But why fucking bother when we're not even real, right?" "If you give me a couple minutes, I could find that video where I tried to trigger your escape." Jackie doesn't reply. He locates the footage for him regardless. The teenager remains silent the whole time. Sean decides to break it. "It must have backfired but I did try." He notices Jackie glaring at his own legs. "Great, now I know you're to blame. Not to mention you moved country while I was gone. Thanks for making me walk from Athlone, by the way." The boy superhero abruptly makes his exit, making no attempt to elaborate. Well then, great chat. Except, wait. Walk from Athlone? How the hell do you walk from Athlone to Brighton?! Sean makes good on the promise he made to himself months before. He risks uploading the pictures to Instagram. On the 29th, there is a fair amount of hype at the potential new character. He lingers inconspicuously near the egos' home for a couple hours, keeping himself occupied with his phone in case the ego didn't appear. Which he doesn't. He repeats the activity after posting the 2nd photo on the 30th. Still nothing. It's the video on Halloween that triggers creation. It was a simple thing. The same as the previous two years, he had carved a pumpkin. The main difference was that he had dressed up like a dapper gentleman, waistcoat and bowler hat inclusive. There was some glitching at the end, nothing Sean or Robin had a hand in. He supposes he should be glad there was such a small interruption. Outside the house, he spots the lost time traveller. His first surprise, for both of them it would seem, was that Jameson had lost the ability to speak. He seems reluctant to use the speech slides. No worries. Sean can buy a notepad or two for him tomorrow. Learning to sign, or in the very least understand it. will take a considerable amount of time. Written responses would have to be a sufficient compromise for now. Either way, the most important thing was that Jameson was willing to come with him before he met the others. He is in awe of Jameson. He knows he'd intended to create an ego with a proper backstory but this was far more than he'd been expecting. He had drafted a brief life story beforehand. Jameson would be the middle child of three in an upper class British family. He'd be too young to join WW1 but his brother would lose his hearing to it, allowing Jameson to know sign by the time he went missing. Maybe throw in some time in the army for good measure. However his power worked, it filled in the gaps nicely. Jameson is fully fleshed out, as are his memories. "Thanks for humouring me." He tells Signe that night. She hums in acknowledgement of what he'd said. "You can't keep him here forever, you realise that, right? I'll let you have tomorrow. But you really should let him make his own choices after that." On the 1st, Chase comes knocking. Sean relents, allowing him in to be introduced to Jameson. As expected, Chase calls him out. He assures Jameson that it was fine to go with the unfamiliar ego. As hostile as Chase was, he was still trustworthy and believed he had Jameson's best interests at heart. He lets his latest creation go. Now he will be taught the egos' version of the 'truth'. He doubted Jameson would be rushing back. But oh, there he is days later. It's completely reasonable for the dapper man to want answers. Sean provides them to the best of his ability. Jameson surprises him once more when he says he'll let the deception slide if he cuts it out from now on. Of course he will. As Jameson heads off back to his world, Sean is thankful he made him open minded. While having a casual conversation, Jameson mentions befriending someone named Shawn. At first, Sean is simply perplexed at the written name. Jameson knows how to spell his name, even includes the fada. So surely Shawn couldn't be him. When he has his friend explain, he can't believe it. Shawn Flynn. In other words, his Bendy voice cameo. Okay, egos like Henrik, Chase or Marvin, he could understand. Those guys had gotten specific videos that centred around them. He also got the whole 'springing from him putting on a voice for a series' thing with Angus and Jacques etc. Robbie... well, who the fuck knows what happened there. The point was they all came from his channel and his channel alone. Shawn Flynn was not his to claim. He was only a voice, a few sentences' worth of speech. He will always be amazed by his community's power to create from scraps. As soon as he lost Jack's contribution to the channel, he had been forced to pick up the slack. Even with Robin editing most videos, recording twice as many as he was used to was taking its toll. Something had to be done. He needed a new recording partner. And who better to help him than someone who already had experience with maintaining a channel? Obviously, Chase is opposed to the idea at first. He tries to get him to listen to his reasoning. Without Jack, he was struggling to have time for himself anymore. If he has no time outside of work, then how is he supposed to figure out how to reverse the coma? Not to mention, the community members were the ones responsible for keeping the egos from fading. Chase agrees to, in the very least, consider the offer. Sean is glad to have him as part of the team when he reluctantly accepts it. He is very grateful too. He knows this requires a sacrifice on Chase's part, perhaps more than he is aware of. In the run up to Christmas, he'd simply wanted to raise money for Save The Children with the help of his friends and community. There had occasionally been odd noises throughout the first day but nothing super suspicious. He has no clue where the hell the security footage came from. He had intended for the stream to stay up, sure, but it was meant to display a screensaver. Some people begin to notice the glitches and unusual goings on were triggered by donations of at least $1000. Well, how nice to learn that Anti liked encouraging charitable donations. The day after the event is over, Jameson attempts to speak to him about it. Listen, he's really sorry to hear about what happened over at the house. It's awful that Jackie suffered a huge panic attack from the music. But what do they expect him to do about an event that's already passed and he had no control over in the first place? The less he has to think about 'Overnightwatch' over the holidays, or Anti in general during the new year, the better. He's so fucking done with 2017. The following cold months blur. The Dr Jacksepticeye character becomes a community-made ego in January. That was great. He was aware the egos had been struggling to provide Jack professional medical care. March sees Chase getting custody of his kids on the weekend. Although he doesn't risk ruining the party with the scene his attendance would cause, he congratulates Chase on the good news in person. To top things off, he began the first leg of his tour. That had been a hell of an experience. Maybe 2018 would indeed be a better year. This hope is kept alight at the start of May. He had spent months attempting to work out how to save Jackie. Following that, they lost Henrik only to welcome the hero back. Then the doctor had been out of reach since August. It is for this reason that he receives the news of Henrik's return with great relief. Chase is ecstatic when he recounts what had happened at the end of his recording session. Sean is happy for him. He and the rest of egos need more positive events in their lives. Jackie certainly surprises him when he randomly shows up at his door days later. Signe gives him a heads up about the visitor as he leaves a recording session. The teenager comes across as distracted while they talk. Something feels really off. Then again, they haven't been able to talk since his kidnapping. Months' worth of trauma were bound to change how Jackie acted in certain situations. When he eventually leaves, Sean feels like he's missing some sort of sign. The community goes insane after Dark Silence is uploaded. He cautiously makes himself watch the infamous ending. Once more, Anti has added content to a video. The whole time Chase stands in that hallway, Sean is begging his screen for his friend to start sprinting in the other direction, as far from Anti as he could manage. But, of course, you can't prevent an abduction through a screen, especially when it had happened hours beforehand. Chase seemed so distressed. The thought of his reaction to Anti won't leave Sean be. Nor will those two questions. Jameson swings by in an attempt to comfort him. For what it's worth, his heart is in the right place. Sean just doesn't feel he's in a position to appreciate the efforts properly. He supposes this is his opportunity to finally get a rescue attempt right. Yet, with the tour and having to revert back to multiple recordings a day, time slips away. No doubt he'll get accused of not caring. Thankfully, Chase returns in June. Mostly unscathed physically too which is good. He wishes the same could be said for mental repercussions. Chase relapsing hard with his alcoholism wasn't great to hear either. Suffice to say, Chase needed help. Some good news about the whereabouts of his ex and two young children would be fantastic too. The Akinator video is fun. He enjoys making that website's algorithm figure out the characters. Admittedly, he doesn't know whether picking Jameson for a round was a smart idea. Even worse are some of the questions he gets offered. There are two specifically he doesn't feel comfortable answering on camera. He plays it off as teasing eventual ego content to his audience. In reality, he's not sure it's his place to say. And it's hardly like he can put the recording on hold to contact Jameson about his personal life. The video goes up and the community naturally laps it up. Sean wonders if he should be concerned about the fact Jameson was yet to speak to him about it. In October, he asks Jameson to deliver a card on his behalf. Henrik would be amputating Jackie's legs in an attempt to reverse one of the most prominent aftereffects of his time with Anti. Therefore, a get well card was in order. It's not much but he hopes Jackie will appreciate the gesture nonetheless. Jameson simply shrugs as he hands him a note a couple weeks later. He ends up finding the message humourous. On it is written: Thanks for the card but you don't need to bother next time. He's just about had enough of Anti when Quit The Game To Win gets recorded. He's not sure at which point in the video he becomes lightheaded. There's a brief moment of zoning out then he's sitting at his desk, having sent the video off for editing a minute prior. Unlike the other times, there is no extra content even Robin was oblivious to. The footage of Sean staring into the camera had undoubtedly been there the whole time. They debate whether to upload it. The decision gets taken out of their hands when it is uploaded regardless. That goddamn bastard. He probably realises Sean can't take down a video like that with no explanation. And what explanation is there to give? The community has no idea the egos were real or that it was actually Anti speaking to them. Oh but sure, the compliments to his 'amazing acting' pour in without fail. Also, next phase? What the hell was Anti planning to do? He and the egos would have to remain proceeding with caution. On his 29th birthday, he is surprised to find numerous egos on his doorstep. A little dumbfounded, he invites them in for cake. It wasn't like he was doing much today other than typical work stuff and checking out the community's birthday art. Chase spots his notebook, the one containing his story plans. This topic of conversation leads to them encouraging him to rectify his mistakes by waking Jack up. He's all for it. Even after all these years, he's not sure how exactly his power worked. He gets it into his head that staying up indefinitely will cause Jack to remain conscious. Somehow, this becomes the actual criteria. As the day goes on, he thinks about how things must be like over at the egos' home. It must be wonderful to have Jack up and about. He can imagine him sharing jokes, laughing and smiling, just generally enjoying the company of friends. He's always been a bit of a night owl. He can manage to stay up the whole night, for Jack's sake. Jack deserves as much time as he can give him. He increases his caffeine intake. It didn't matter whether it was coffee or a fizzy drink. If it had caffeine and could help him stay up longer, he'd drink it. His plan seemingly backfires when he plays Shadow of the Colossus while exhausted. He wakes up with a crick in his neck, the sight of Wander stationary upon Agro's back and looming guilty disappointment. When he checks in, Henrik confirms Jack was indeed back in the medical bay, unresponsive as ever. The doctor tells him that, not for nothing, they'd all enjoyed the day. It had been after 2am when Jack had begun exhibiting signs of diminishing consciousness. Even if the others may not admit it, he was sure he wasn't the only one who appreciated what Sean had given them. Perhaps one of the stupidest things he ever voluntarily subjects himself to occurs that May. He leaves peculiar edits in the Observation series. Then he posts an unlisted video of him facing off against his clone with a bloodied throat and exclusively black attire. It works. For the first time in Sean's life, he stands in Anti's presence. As it turns out, Anti is grateful. If it hadn't been for Sean spending weeks playing around with a community fuelled concept, complete with a grande finale, the glitch would still be lurking in the shadows as a nobody. Sean had solidified him. Antisepticeye had long since stopped being a fun idea that lived purely in fan creations or Tumblr headcanon posts. Even better, he'd been armed with a knife and violent tendencies. Bit of a bad combination, wouldn't you say? In fact, he's been revelling in watching the whole Sean vs Egos fiasco. Because sure, he could blame a lot of things on Anti if he wanted. But the mistrust that began with Jack then seeped into the others via the original ego? Sean's doing. The one who used his powers of creation when, even to this day, he doesn't quite understand how on earth they worked? Sean. Best yet, letting his emotions cause him to put a loved one in a coma he had no clue how to reverse? Once again, courtesy of Sean McLoughlin. Sean brushes these comments off. He's been called out too many times to be that easily affected by it. Besides, he had some things on his own mind that needed saying. Where were Stacy and the kids? Oh, in a ditch. They served no use without Chase's conscience there to haunt. Actually, where had Anti himself been during all these years? Here, there, everywhere. Why stay in one spot when he thrived on being near impossible to pin down. Any question Sean has, Anti's answers are delivered nonchalantly. Right. That's how Anti wants to play it, huh? He creates another piece of footage. This time, he dresses as Chase and speaks on the phone. 'Chase' begs Stacy to take the kids, stay hidden and only contact him when she really needs to. Once Sean posts it (privately of course), the real Chase updates him on the recent developments in his life. He'd gotten a text from Stacy saying they were safe for now. He had only managed to compose himself before leaving the house but ah look, there go the waterworks again. Sean apologises as he makes it abundantly clear that Chase would not be able to see his family for a while. It was for their safety. Chase understood, right? Yes, yes of course. For good measure, he also talks to Henrik. His wife and children weren't in as imminent danger of becoming Anti's targets right now. However, there was no harm in staying vigilant. It was up to the doctor but Sean thought it would be for the best if they maintained a low profile for now. Sean discusses another video with Chase in October. The father is reluctant to have more of his story explored, especially if things are going to play out the way Sean had planned. That's fine, he assures. That was exactly why he wanted Chase to be part of the process. Besides, it may seem a little bleak right now but his fortunes would improve as soon as the ball started rolling. When it comes to filming the short video, Chase kills it. The community may be praising Sean but he makes sure Chase is aware of the love he had earned. He decides to allow Jameson another solo video for his birthday. They brainstorm together, coming up with the premise of a puppet show. Jameson is the one who comes up with the 'I can't be questioned, I'm rich!' joke. As soon as he does, he goes off on a tangent about how he used to know people like that. Hell, his own parents had been like that. Sean laughs along with him. The first sight of trouble is the random bit of string around his arm. Jameson naively removes it without becoming suspicious. Sean's been in this position before. If the video's up, it's already way too late for the targeted ego. He forces himself to watch to the end. Jameson's wrapping up the story when the strings reappear. His arms go limp before he begins swaying on the spot. It is clearly Anti who is controlling his movements now. Sean really wishes he didn't know the sign for 'help'. He bets Jameson believes he has the power to save him. If only he did. The worst part of it is having to witness Jameson clearly attempting to fight against it. If Sean thought Henrik's distress during Kill Jacksepticeye had been a challenge to watch, he had another thing coming. Goddamn it. Can he please go one year without losing more of those he cared about? He'd once been friends with Angus before the fading fiasco caused them to drift apart. Jack kept giving second chance after second chance until Sean had let his frustration screw that up. Chase had gradually begun to see him as potentially trustworthy, only for Anti to kidnap him and set them back to square one. Is it too much to ask for them to feel happy and safe as well as remaining so? His 30th birthday is quiet. There are no egos hassling him or attempts to initiate a bout of insomnia. It's a nice day chilling out with Evelein and BB. He would have enjoyed it even more if he knew he'd achieved his goal of waking Jack up by now. Or even getting Jameson back. The last person he expects to see coming round to his house is Marvin. He doesn't think the magician is entirely sure why he chose to do this either. He states that he gave his word when he said he'd never forgive Sean. With his fae heritage, that meant something and he couldn't go back on that. Marvin seemed offended when Sean shows surprise upon learning he had connection to fae. Well, how exactly was Sean supposed to know this detail if Marvin's been keeping him far away for 2.5 years, especially since they hadn't been best buddies pre-coma either? The magician scowls before returning to a calmer neutral demeanour. He carries on his point. Marvin may not be able to forgive Sean for what he's done, not that he really has a reason to given what was still happening to the egos. That said, he wasn't going to judge his friends as harshly anymore if they decided to give their creator a chance. That uh... shit, that was huge coming from Marvin. All he can reply with is a thank you. August rears it's terrible head. It's been three years now. 36 whole months, god knows how many weeks or individual days. He's had all this time to fix this yet is still working on it. And oh, sure, he can rationalise it. He can remind himself that during 2018, if he wasn't on tour then he was preparing for a leg or decompressing after one. Not to mention that had also been the year he'd finally started addressing his mental health. Now, the biggest thing preventing him from progressing the story to the point where Jack woke up was the virus. For half the year, he couldn't film anything that required a crew, let alone do so on location in America or wherever like he had with CHASE. Instead, he sits at the end of the bed as usual. Legs to his chest, he simply lets himself be here. Henrik is going to kill him for the way he is seated. He rambles at Jack, updating him on recent goings on. When he's said his bit, he becomes contemplative for a moment. "I'm still trying, I swear. You're going to wake up one day. I'm just- I'm doing my best to get everything sorted. I promise you can call my ass out eventually. I will get there. Anyway, I'm sure you have better things to be doing than listening to me mope about like I have been for the past three years. See you around, buddy."

#my writing #creator au #the creator #jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye egos #writersofjack #if anyone saw me despairing yesterday about this fic going on and on I want you to know this bitch is 8.2k words now #tw death mention #tw blood mention #tw kidnapping

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marshmallow-phd · 5 years

Text

The Sound of the Rain

Genre: GreekMythology!AU, Modern!AU, Orpheus!AU, Reincarnation!AU

Pairing: Yixing x Reader

A/N: This random spark of creativity was inspired by this amazing moodboard made by @amaxing-daes. I hope you don’t mind!

Day: 1,095,036

He wasn’t sure why he kept count anymore. It’s not like he was counting down to anything. Or up. Did an end really exist for a cursed immortal?

Three thousand years was a long time to walk the earth, to watch it change and evolve. Regular mortals would complain about wanting to go back to the “good old days”. Little did they know there was no such thing. Every decade and every century had its monstrosities that made the ones having to live through wish they could go to another time. It was one of the few things that never changed.

Yixing’s fingers danced across the piano, softly pressing on the keys and letting the notes piece themselves together however they saw fit. He hardly ever thought about arrangements anymore. Reflections would simply formulate in his head and then he’d let the magic flow through to whichever instrument he’d picked up at the time. Sometimes it would be about things that made him angry, sometimes nature itself would be enough to spark his creativity. In the present moment, his most frequent inspiration was plaguing his mind.

Even after all these years, his wife – the one taken from him too soon, the one who he almost had back in his arms if he hadn’t been such a failure – still haunted his dreams. He could say that some of his most beautiful pieces were created because of her, but all the awards and recognition in the world couldn’t replace the hole in his heart.

“Wow, Lay, could you get more depressing?”

Yixing smirked to himself. Lay. It was his latest pseudonym. In retrospect, maybe it was a little silly, but at the time he thought it fit right in with the other music producers in this modern age. One of his frequent collaborators went by “Loey” after all.

Now interrupted, Yixing stopped playing and turned off the recorder that was resting on top of the piano before turning around to face his partner. “Not everything needs to be a dance number, Han.”

“But you’re good at those.” Han motioned back with his head. “Come on. That popstar is here and she wants to listen to the demo.”

“Okay.” Standing up from the bench, Yixing pocketed the recorder and followed Han out of the practice room towards the studio. He frowned once they entered the small workspace.

Shia, the latest sensation exploding on the world pop scene, was sitting in Yixing’s chair, sporting the most sour look on her face. Perhaps she thought she was above this listening schedule. Or maybe she got into an argument with her boyfriend. Whatever the reason for her attitude was, Yixing really wasn’t in the mood to deal with it.

Let’s just get this over with.

Sitting down in one of the less comfy chairs, Yixing introduced himself, shook hands with the managers and other producers for Shia’s album and turned to the soundboard to start the song.

If Yixing had to rate this song, he’d only give it a seven. He was always harsh on his own music, but this one just came out a little… well, he didn’t know how to describe it. He was still proud of it – he was with a majority of his creations – he just felt a little lackluster about music in general lately. Over the centuries, it’d been the one thing that kept him going after losing his wife. Maybe it was the way music had changed that was making him lose interest. Or maybe it was just himself that was changing. The will to keep going was certainly starting to fade.

Somewhere around the first bridge, Yixing’s confidence grew, just a miniscule amount, but he knew this song was good. The kind that would make everyone cheer and get up to start dancing The managers and producers were bobbing their heads, listening intensely as the song headed into the chorus. Yixing himself sang the demo since no one else seemed to be able to pick up on the rhythm.

When the song ended, everyone turned to Shia to take in her reaction. The pursed lips never relaxed and she never uncrossed her arms throughout the approximate three and a half minutes.

“I don’t like it,” she finally stated after a minute or so of silence.

Her manager sighed, looking as frustrated as Yixing was beginning to feel. “And why’s that?”

“This isn’t the music that I signed up for,” Shia snapped. “I don’t want to sound like everyone else.”

“This doesn’t sound like everyone else,” Han argued. “A song by Lay is always one of a kind. This will put you on the charts where you belong. You said you wanted to make it to the Grammy’s-”

Shia scoffed. “Do you really think this song about how great life is and how much fun you can have is going to get me to the Grammy’s? I want a song with meaning. I have plenty of dance tracks to release as singles. Do I look like I want to be the next Britney Spears?”

Yes. Yixing held his tongue. He’d seen her interviews and her music videos. As judgmental as it could sound, she did, indeed, seem to be going down the dancing popstar route. He’d never seen her pick up a guitar and strum out a heartbreaking ballad with lyrics so deep they took the listener to another time in their life. She never talked about music like it was her life and soul. If that was the kind of artist she wanted to be, then why did she sell out?

Suddenly feeling a little hypocritical, Yixing stood up and walked out of the room.

“Lay, wait!” Han stopped him just before he could escape out the front doors. Putting a hand on his shoulder, Han sighed. “Don’t take that punk’s word to heart. It’s a good song. Plenty of other artists will want to take it.”

Yixing shook his head. “At this point, I don’t really care. I’m getting too old for this.”

Han chuckled. “If it were anyone else, then I would argue that statement. But since it’s you….”

That made Yixing laugh. Yes, Han knew… maybe not the entire story, but he knew most of Yixing’s history. And it was a complete accident how he found out.

For over three thousand years, he’d been able to keep his own secret. But one night when Han was over, Yixing had a little too much to drink and started blurting out everything. Han didn’t believe him at first, but then out came the portraits and pictures and hundreds of diaries that Yixing had kept over the years. He felt a little lighter now, having someone to share his secret with. While Han had made comments here and there that almost gave him away, everyone pretty much took them as jokes or metaphors, keeping him safe from any odd experiments scientists might want to put him through. It wasn’t science that made him what he was, so he doubted they would find anything out anyway.

“I just need some air.” Yixing slipped out from under Han’s hand and pushed through the glass door that led to the sidewalk outside.

He didn’t know where he was headed, if he was going towards a certain something at all; he just knew he needed to be away from the studio for a while, let the others hash it out if she wanted it or not. There was nothing in him that really cared. Han was right; someone would take the song if she didn’t.

It was nice outside today. Most of the time, Yixing didn’t know what the weather was like. He nearly always dressed in the wrong kind of clothes: a t-shirt when it was freezing, a leather jacket when it was boiling hot. This time, however, he lucked out. The temperature wasn’t too bad, making him comfortable in the black shirt and matching jeans he was sporting. Blue was the only color in the sky, save for the blinding sun. No clouds covered up the beautiful wonder above him. But that work of nature’s art almost distracted him to a dangerous level.

Your head was down towards your phone when you passed him, nearly making him miss you as he was staring up at the sky. But enough was captured in the corner of his eye to make his heart jump in his chest. He knew that hair. He knew that jaw and shoulder and ear. He knew you.

Could it really be? Could he really have just stumbled upon a second chance?

Fighting through the crowd on the sidewalk, Yixing hurried to catch up with you. He needed to make sure that it was the same face.

Several feet ahead of him, you turned into a coffee shop. Okay, good. He could catch up to you there. But just as he approached the large window that made up a majority of the front wall, his heart sank.

You weren’t just stopping in to get a fresh cup of coffee and then going about your day. You were meeting someone. A particularly handsome someone who stood up and greeted you with a hug as soon as he spotted you. You were smiling and laughing, happy to be in his presence. Realizing that he had been ridiculous to follow you in the first place, Yixing turned around and headed back towards the studio.

The place was empty when he got back. It was quiet, which was exactly what he needed at the moment. No sample beats thumping in the speakers, no drum sets being pounded on, no pitch tuning being done. Just peace and quiet. And he even had his chair back, although a small amount of glitter was left behind.

Covering his face with his hands, Yixing leaned forward as he sat down and tried his best to keep his breathing normal. It had to be the same person. Not the exact same, but your new incarnation. Your face was the same, your smile, your gracefulness. There you were right in front of him. All this time he’d been alone, unable to numb the pain of losing you, no matter who he smiled at or let sleep on the other side of the bed with him at night. None had come close to you. But now it was almost worse. Did he try to insert himself into your unsuspecting life? Or did he let you go on blissfully unaware of his existence?

“Lay, you okay?”

Lifting his head, Yixing looked at Han, thankful that he was alone in finding him.

Han’s jaw dropped. “Man, are you alright?”

It was then that Yixing realized he’d been crying. The tears that rolled down his cheeks were small and few in number, but still very much present. Han sat down in the office chair across him, rolling a little closer.

“I saw her,” Yixing whispered.

“Saw who? Shia?”

“No,” Yixing sniffed back the new set of tears that were threatening to spill over. “My wife.”

Han’s jaw dropped. “Y-your wife? But I thought she, you know, died. Like… a long time ago?”

Leaning back in the chair, Yixing sighed. “She did. I think this might be her recent incarnation.”

“Wow.” Han ran a hand through his hair, blowing air between his lips in astonishment. He suddenly jumped forward in his seat, startling Yixing. “So, reincarnation is real, too? Like, it's kind of all true?”

“All might be a bit of an overstatement, but yes. I’ve met a few people along the years that have been reborn.” Yixing frowned, remembering the few run-ins he had, mostly with people he had known when he was still mortal. There had been a mixture of fear and excitement when he’d approached them. Would they remember him? Would they know he had been alive all this time? The answer to both had turned out to be no. To this day, Yixing didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

“So, did you talk to her?”

Yixing shook his head. “No. She, uh, she was meeting someone. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

Something hard and plastic connected with Yixing’s face, shocking him and stinging at his skin. It was a pair of headphones that Han had snatched up from the soundboard and thrown at him. “What was that for?”

“Because apparently being alive for several millennia made you dumber rather than smarter,” Han snapped. “This could be your chance to be with her again. Maybe that one goddess, Penelope-”

“Persephone.”

Han rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Maybe this is her way of saying ‘hey, you’ve been punished enough, here’s a treat’.”

“I hardly doubt that.” With a heavy sigh, Yixing ran a hand down his face. He looked up at his friend, his one confidante. “You really think I should try and find her again?” Han nodded, a sympathetic smile on his face. Yixing cringed. “But she was meeting a guy….”

Han took Yixing’s hand and shook it twice. “Hi, welcome to the twenty-first century where girls have guy friends.” Yixing yanked his hand back, irritated. “Also, it could have been a cousin she hadn't seen in a long time. Or,” Han held his hands up, palms out, in a very sarcastic manner, “even if it was a boyfriend, I doubt he could hold up to the chiseled, dimpled, world’s greatest music producer, Lay.”

There was no other response Yixing could muster other than to laugh, embarrassed by the hype his friend was giving him. While he still didn’t have the full confidence to go up against another guy if you were already in a relationship, he still wanted to get to know the you in this time period, even if he had to settle with simple friendship.

“Okay,” Yixing nodded. “I guess there’s only one thing left for me to do.” He stared down Han with determination. “I’ve got to find her again.”

Day: 1,095,043

It’d been a week already and he couldn’t find you. Not that he thought he would find you the moment he walked outside and headed in the same direction he had the first time, but it was becoming a little discouraging, not seeing you again.

For the third day in a row, he sat in that coffee shop, the one place he’d seen you, and waited. From his years of observing people, he could guess that you came here often if you chose to meet someone within these walls. He just hoped that he wasn’t wasting his time. He’d given up too easily last week. Where he should have come up with some excuse to talk to you, introduced himself and gotten at least your new name, he froze, turning around and deciding that you were better off in this new life without even giving himself a chance. While he was ashamed of how he’d failed you, he wasn’t a bad person.

As he stared out the window, watching the people pass by in groups or by themselves, he listened to the soft sprinkle of rain hitting against the glass. It was a little gloomier today, bring his hope down a few pegs. He didn’t really like the rain, but the pitter-patter sound the droplets had inspired a few songs, so he couldn’t hate it completely.

Just when he was thinking over possibly heading out into the cold weather, his miracle arrived.

You were on the other side of the street, walking towards the crosswalk that would bring you straight to the shop. But you were crying. Not loud, shoulder-shaking sobs. Instead, it was the kind that was more subtle. The kind that reddened the eyes and stuffed up the nose, but made no sound. Yixing wouldn’t have even been able to decipher your state if you hadn’t been hugging yourself so tightly, wiping your eyes with your sleeve every few seconds or so.

When you came to the crosswalk, you were so wrapped up in whatever was making you hurt that you weren’t paying attention to the glowing orange man that had stopped blinking, warning pedestrians that it wasn’t safe to walk. Not even thinking, Yixing jumped up out of his seat and ran outside. Shoving people aside left and right, he made it to the sidewalk, not slowing down as he raced to push you out of the way of oncoming traffic. He finally stopped once your feet were safely back on the pale concrete, his arms cradling you to his chest. Stepping back, he frantically held your face, searching for any sign that you were hurt in the rescue.

“Are you okay?” he said breathlessly.

You nodded shakily. “Th-thank you. I, um, I really should have been better attention. I just-”

Yixing shushed you. “That’s okay. Let’s get you out of the cold and something to drink.”

Not answering, you let him lead you back to the coffee shop. Inside, he sat you down at the table he’d been occupying by the window for the last several hours before going up to the counter and ordering a simple hot chocolate. The wind outside was biting and unforgiving and your thin cardigan was hardly enough to shield you from it’s wrath. You needed to warm up and hopefully the steaming drink would do the trick.

“Thank you,” you whispered as he set the cup down in front of you before taking his seat again. You didn’t touch the drink and you kept your head down, most likely to hide the fact that you’d been crying – which he already knew.

“Are you okay?” he asked again.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You were lying, but he didn’t call you out on it. “Thank you, again. For that. I feel like an idiot for just walking out there in the middle of traffic.”

“Maybe something was distracting you?” he offered. He hoped you would open up to him even though, to you, he was complete stranger.

Your answer was accompanied by a shrug. “Something like that, yeah.” Finally you took a sip of the drink, shivering as the soothing liquid hit your system.

It was silence for a few minutes. Many sentences started themselves in Yixing’s head, but he couldn’t bring himself to release any of them.

“I just get like that sometimes,” you suddenly confessed, making Yixing perk up.

“Get like that?” he echoed.

“Yeah.” You played with the cozy that saved your hand from the hot plastic, not meeting his eye. “I don’t know why, I just get really… sad, I guess? Usually, I just sit on my couch and listen to depressing music, but something today told me to go for a walk. I guess I was trying concentrate on not crying that I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking.” Your cheeks rose up as you gave him a shy smile. “Kind of weird, isn’t it?”

“No, no!” Yixing protested. “I don’t think that’s weird at all. Emotions make us human, right?”

“That is true.” Holding out your hand, you introduced yourself. “I’m (y/n).”

Yixing fought to contain his elation as he took your hand, still a little cold but much better than it was before, and said, “I’m… Lay.” He thought it best to keep the facade of his current identity for now. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Lay?” Your eyebrows furrowed. Scepticism was painted all over your face, but you went with it. “It’s nice to meet you, too.”

Fighting the urge to bring your hand to his lips, like he did all those years ago, Yixing let your fingers slip away from his. “So, what do you do?” he asked.

“I’m a school teacher.” Your entire face brightened up, making it even more beautiful than it already was. “First graders.”

Of course. It fit all too well. “You look like you’d make a great teacher.”

“Thank you. What about you?” you asked after taking another sip of your drink. “What do you do?”

“I’m a music producer,” he replied proudly.

Your jaw dropped. “Are you serious?”

Laughing, Yixing started to go into more of what he did, but then his phone rang, making him frown. It was Han. “I’m sorry. I have to take this.” At your nod of understanding, he answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey, buddy, any luck?”

Yixing cleared. “Actually, yes. Did you need something?”

“Wow. That’s actually surprising. I figured you would be SOL with the luck you’ve had.”

He’d let that slide… for now.

“But, right now, Shia’s on her way. They want to hear the song again and they want you there. Got to come back to the studio. Sorry, man.”

Of course this would happen now. “Alright. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Hanging up, he looked at you apologetically. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

“No, that’s fine,” you insisted, waving your hand at him.

Taking a deep breath, Yixing knew he had to take this chance while it was in front of him. “Do you think… I could see you again?”

Your eyes grew wide and a pink dust appeared on your cheeks. “Um, yeah. I would like that.”

As quick as his fingers could go, he opened a new contact in his phone and handed it over to you. There was no protest as you gave him your number.

“This might seem weird, but I’m glad to have met you, Lay,” you confessed.

His heart swelled in his chest. How could things be going so well for him? “I’m glad to have met you, too.”

Leaving you there in that cafe was hard, but he had to maintain his regular life. Besides, now he had a way to see you again. Walking away from you right now was only for a moment, it was not forever. Not this time.

Day: 1,095,077

For over a month now, Yixing had been able to see you off and on, meeting you at the cafe or grabbing a small dinner. The more he got to know the current you, the more he was convinced that you really were the reincarnation of his wife. The subtle mannerisms, the way you talked, every little feature in your face, it was all the same. And he was falling in love with you all over again. Some things were different, obviously, as your life experiences were different this time around, but he still felt strongly towards you and wanted to be with you.

He found himself skipping out on sessions with Han to go meet you. The melodies leaving his his fingers, whether being created on the soundboard or the instruments in front of him, were happier, livelier than they had been in the past. It was like he’d spent so long in the dark, cold winter, but the frost was finally melting away to spring.

Everything was in perfect order for when you would arrive. This was the first time you were going to come to the studio and Yixing wanted you to be impressed, not disgusted by the food wrappers and empty coffee cups lying around. Though the definition of your relationship was still just as friends, he could feel it growing into more. He hoped that tonight would help things move to the next step.

“Lay?” your soft voice came out as a whisper as you gently knocked on the doorframe.

He beamed at you, running up to you and guiding you in. “You made it. How was school?”

“It was good. The kids say hi.”

Yixing had gone once to the school to bring you back the cardigan you’d left at the restaurant the night before. The children had rushed at him, curious of the man who was bringing their teacher a piece of clothing. He’d stayed and played with them for an hour or so before you finally had to shoo him away to get back to their lessons.

“Tell them I’ll come see them again soon,” Yixing grinned.

You rolled your eyes. “You are going to get me in trouble.”

Patting the seat next to him, Yixing urged you to come to the recording equipment. He had something he wanted you to hear. “Are you ready?” You nodded eagerly. Yixing pressed the button to start the new song.

It was a slow ballad, but not a sad one. Hope and love filled every lyric, connected every note. He wished for you to understand it was all for you. The only thought he had while creating the song was of you, your face and your smile. Your laugh was the foundation for the rhythm, giving it a unique pattern.

As the song faded out, Yixing’s recorded voice giving way to the last few notes, you turned to him, glossy eyed and smiling brighter than the sun.

“That was beautiful,” you sighed. You reached out to him and grasped his hand. “You are so talented.” Realizing what you were doing, you took your hand back, embarrassed. “I mean, of course you are,” you laughed. “Mr. Music Producer.”

Shyness spilling over his whole body, Yixing pressed both of his hands into his head, leaning back in his chair while chuckling. You loved his song. The message might not have gone completely through, but you loved it. That was enough.

The two of you stayed in the studio for a few more hours, just talking while Yixing showed you how he composed songs on this modern technology. You listened attentively, taking in everything that he was saying, even playing with some of the knobs to create your own transitions.

Before he knew it, it was getting late and time to leave the studio as the sun was leaving the sky. He walked you out, but he didn’t want to leave you just yet.

“Are you hungry?”

You nodded eagerly. “I am, actually.”

Yixing scratched the back of his head nervously. “Can I make you dinner?”

“You cook, too?” You scoffed, looking out onto the street. “Is there anything you can’t do?”

Laughing, Yixing didn’t answer, just taking your hand and leading you to his car. His apartment wasn’t too far away, making it there in five minutes or so. Almost as soon as you walked in through the door, you started looking around, taking in the record collection and small pictures that Yixing had taken in his travels over the world. Not that you knew the older ones were taken by him.

He let you wander around while he got to work in the kitchen, sauteing vegetables and marinating the meat. The smells of the cooking food filled the air until he could hear your stomach growling from his spot in front of the stove. He giggled at the sound, but he didn’t say anything, just allowing you to continue walking around.

Just when he started plating the finished product, the vibration of strummed guitar strings hummed through the air. Walking over to the entry way that led to the living room, Yixing’s lips split into a smile when he saw you sitting on his couch, playing the acoustic guitar that usually sat in the corner, only there when he was inspired at two in the morning.

At first, the notes you played were random, nothing recognizable. But then, slowly, the notes changed into a melody he hadn’t heard in a very long time.

Tears formed in his eyes as he listened to you play the first song he ever wrote you on the lyre. It had been a gift, one that he hoped to win your heart over with. The plan had worked, the two of you very much in love and married within the month. He played it for you whenever you asked, typically on the nights before he had to leave you. After your death, he vowed to never play the song ever again. The only time he broke that promise was in front of the god of the underworld as he begged to take you back with him.

When you saw Yixing, you stopped playing, mumbling an apology.

“That was a very beautiful song,” Yixing said as he willed the water in his eyes to stay put. “Where did you hear it?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s kind of been in my head for as long as I can remember.”

The first step Yixing took towards you was hesitant, knowing that the action he wanted to take would either make or break the two of you. But after another step, he couldn’t hold back anymore.

Grasping your jaw with his hands, he captured your lips in his, leaning you back on the couch as you moved the guitar out of the way. You reciprocated the kiss, gripping his shirt in your hands. Yixing let go of your face to move his hands to your waist, lifting you up from the couch. In response, you wrapped your legs around his torso and he carried you to the bedroom, the dinner he’d made completely forgotten.

Day: 1,095,078

The warmth given off by you helped Yixing sleep better than he had in over three millennia. He held you close, memorizing every curve and the very scent of your skin. You were still fast asleep next to him, your breath the only sound echoing off the walls. Kissing your bare shoulder, Yixing slipped out of the bed and headed into the kitchen. He couldn’t help the smirk when he spotted the spoiled dinner.

Once that mess was cleaned up, he started on breakfast. This time he would make sure that you actually ate something.

Humming to himself, Yixing carried two plates of fresh, hot food back into his bedroom. But you were no longer sleeping peacefully, entangled in his sheets as you clung to his pillow. You were now wide awake, dressed and holding a small portrait in your hands as you sat on the edge of the bed.

Crap.

He’d forgotten about that piece he’d kept with him all these years, laying out on top of the dresser.

It was a piece of cloth, old and fraying on the edges, with your portrait painted delicately on the fibers. To preserve it, he kept it pressed under glass in a frame. He’d had it made soon after your death so he could carry it with him everywhere. Only by a miracle had it stayed in such good condition. The details in the painting were enough for anyone to see the connection between you and the subject.

“What is this?” you asked in a shaky voice. “Why does this look like me?”

Putting the plates down, Yixing approached you cautiously. “I can explain-”

“This is old,” you held up the frame, your grip so tight that your knuckles were pale. “Have you been stalking me?”

“No!” He threw himself at your feet, taking your arms in hands so he could feel more grounded as everything was crumbling around him. This what not how he wanted you to find out. He knew someday he would have to tell you, but he wanted to do it on his own terms, in a way that you would understand. “Please, listen to me. I can explain.”

You squeezed your eyes shut for a moment, shaking your head. When you finally opened your eyes again, you sighed. “Who are you?”

Taking the frame from you, he stood up and sat next to you on the bed. “Most of what I’ve told you is true, but- My name isn’t Lay. It’s Yixing. And I’m over three-thousand years old.”

“What?” You jumped up, putting space between you two. “That’s what you’re going with? Are you insane?”

“Please,” Yixing begged. “I’m trying to explain this the best I can. I truly am that old. I was cursed after I tried to save my wife.”

You frowned. “Y-your wife?”

“Yes.” Yixing stood to his feet, but when he stepped towards you, you shrank back. “She was the love of my live and I lost her. Twice. But then I got another chance. I met you.”

“So… you think I’m her?” you scoffed. “That’s the only reason you’ve been seeing me?”

“Some people are reincarnated,” Yixing explained. “It’s still you-”

“No!”

The sudden charge in your shout had Yixing taken aback.

“I’m not her,” you insisted through clenched teeth.

“But the song-”

“I don’t want to hear it!” You stormed out of the bedroom, grabbing your purse as Yixing hurried after you.

“Wait! Please!”

You slammed the door in his face, ignoring every plea he called out after you.

Shuffling back to the bedroom, Yixing picked up the frame, sliding down to the floor. The tears flowed more freely than ever as he clutched the portrait to his chest. Just when he had you back in his arms, he lost you once again.

Day: 1,095,094

Over two weeks had gone by since you stormed out of Yixing’s apartment. You wouldn’t answer his phone calls and Yixing was losing all hope of ever seeing you again. He couldn’t make you understand; all he could do was hope that you would think about what he said and maybe give him another chance to properly explain things.

With his head resting on his arm as he stared at nothing, the song he’d written for you echoed through the speakers in the studio. He couldn’t stop listening to it, wallowing in his self-pity, hoping someday he’d just go back to being numb, like how he was before he met you.

“This is a beautiful song.”

Jumping at the sound of another voice, Yixing turned around to find Shia standing a few feet away. Gone was the sour, put-out look that had been on her face the last three times he’d seen her. Now her features were softer, a sentimental smile on her lips. She wasn’t looking at him, eyes trained on the soundboard, like she was really taking in the theme and meaning of the lyrics.

Yixing turned off the speakers, turning his back to her. “Thank you,” he said sternly.

Shia walked forward, leaning her palms against the table. “That’s the kind of song I’d like to sing.”

“No,” Yixing shook his head.

“What do you mean no?” She straightened up, crossing her arms. “Did you already write it for another artist?”

Turning off the rest of the equipment, Yixing got out of his chair and slipped his arms into his black bomber. He needed to get out of here. “No. This one’s not for sale.”

Her jaw dropped, offended. “What do you mean it’s not for sale?”

“Exactly that.” What was so hard to understand that he wasn’t giving this song to anyone?

“Don’t you want people to hear this song?” she fought back. “I’d even have it as the lead single-”

“It’s not for you!”

Yixing never got angry like this. He wasn’t a yeller, a screamer, but he just wanted her to go away and stop nagging him about the song.

“Lay?”

He froze, eyes widening and throat going dry. That was just his mind tricking him in this moment, right? His hope manifesting into delusions to ease the pain?

But when he turned towards the door, it was really you standing there, shifting from foot to foot, and looking like you were about to run out of there at any point given the slightest reason to.

“(y/n)?” he gasped.

You licked your lips. “Hi.”

Shia looked back and forth between the two of you, getting a sense that she should probably leave. Without a word of goodbye, she slipped out, giving you the room.

Neither of you spoke for the longest time. Yixing had so much he wanted to say, but he didn’t want to drive you away again. You came to see him, so he would let you go at your own pace.

“Han came to the school,” you explained, breaking the silence. Yixing didn’t respond, just letting you continue. “He, um, he said that you’d been going through a hard time lately.”

Yixing sighed. “Please, don’t feel responsible. It’s completely understandable. The truth was dumped on y-”

“Han told me the same thing.” You shook your head, still trying to process it all. “He said that he saw the pictures of you, throughout the years. That you were really telling the truth about being alive all this time.” You took a step towards him, finally meeting his eye. “But I want to hear the rest from you.”

Testing the waters, Yixing filled in more of the space between you, even risking taking your hand in his. When you didn’t pull away, he smiled, the corner of his mouth just barely tipping up. “I told you about my wife. She died after falling ill. I wasn’t there when she passed, having left earlier in the month on business. When I came back, it was too late. But I needed her. So I went after her. I traveled to the underworld to make a deal with the god who ruled there.”

“How did you… get there?” you asked cautiously, the strain between your eyebrows giving away how hard you were working to make sense of what he was telling you.

He couldn’t help but reach out and trace the outline of your cheekbone. You were listening, taking in what he was saying without running away. “I went through several trials, met with many religious leaders. I finally found the entrance. It’s the kind of place that could only be found if the gods deem it so. I met with the ruler of the underworld and made him a deal: I could take my wife back with me to the world of the living, but I had to have faith. I had to walk back up to the surface without looking back until I crossed the threshold. Just before I reached the sunlight, though, I panicked. I wondered if I had been tricked. So, I turned around and she was there. But I’d broken the deal and she faded away just when I’d gotten her back.”

Water was pooling on the bottom lids of your eyes, threatening to spill over as you took in his story. But it wasn’t over yet.

“I lost all will to live,” he admitted. “I didn’t eat, I didn’t leave my bed. I just wanted to be with her again and that was the only way left for me after the trial. But death never came for me. I was now cursed to live forever, never allowed to see my love again because I couldn’t have faith.” Letting go of your hand, he cupped your jaw. “When I saw you walking down the street, I thought I was given a second chance. My love back on the earth with me again. Getting to know you, this you, has been the real blessing. Even if you decide to walk away, I will be forever grateful.”

When he was finished, you reached up, capturing his wrist in your hand. He thought, for a moment, that you were going to push him away again. But you didn’t.

“I don’t know if I’m actually her,” you whispered. Meeting his eyes, there was a glow in your own gaze that was making his heart speed up. “But… I can’t walk away, not now. It feels too right, being here with you. I would hope that you see me in front of you, and not her.”

“It’s you,” he confirmed. “It’s you.” He pulled you in, kissing you deeply. It felt so good to have you in his arms again, to have you believe him and receptive of his love for you. It was all true. Now he didn’t care if you really were his wife’s incarnation, not anymore. You were the one he wanted now, the one he would be thankful to have for the rest of his days, no matter how many were in his future.

Day: 1,095,103

Although the last time he left you alone sleeping in his bed ended in disaster, he still slowly slipped out from under the covers, knowing it’d be fine this time around. As quietly as he could, he slid the glass door that led out to his balcony open. He stepped out into the cool morning air and leaned up against the railing.

Life had settled in the last few weeks. You were still adjusting to certain things, like calling him Yixing rather than Lay and having him reference something that happened decades ago like it happened last week. But he’d never been happier in his immortal life.

“It’s nice to see you smiling like that.”

Yixing jumped, letting out a strangled noise in surprise. Why were you always sneaking up on him like that?

But it wasn’t you that had joined him on the balcony. In fact, it was someone he never thought he would ever see again. She probably had much better things to do than pay him a visit.

“Persephone?”

“Hello, Yixing,” the goddess greeted from the iron seat with a dazzling smile.

“What are you doing here?” he asked as he adjusted his stance, leaning his back on the metal barrier.

“I thought I would catch up,” she said cryptically.

Yixing raised an eyebrow. “A bit late for that, don’t you think?”

She shrugged. She definitely didn’t look like the goddess that painters had depicted in their artworks over the centuries. A red pantsuit and short haircut helped her blend right in if she happened to be walking down the street. That softness that Yixing had seen so long ago was still present, so apparently not too much had changed. “Are you happy now?”

“Yes,” he said honestly. “I am. Are you here to tell me you had a hand in that?”

Persephone smiled coily. “Maybe.” Releasing a sigh, she crossed her legs, letting her hands rest in her lap. “I thought it was time to give you a life again.”

“So, my punishment is over for now?” Yixing knew, even though he was living joyfully now, that eighty years down the line, he’d have to go back to his lonely existence. But he’d pushed that thought aside each time it came out. He would love you now and forever, each day was gift, the future could wait.

“It wasn’t ever meant to be a punishment,” Persephone insisted. “I knew how much you loved your wife. I wanted to give you a second chance at that love.”

“So why didn’t you just have us reborn together?” he questioned harshly.

“Because you needed to remember your past choices, so you wouldn’t make them again.”

Again? But-

Ah. Yes. He loved his wife, he did with his whole heart. But he let his passion for music get in the way, leaving her behind as he went to play concert halls and chase after the admiration of the audience when he finished a piece. The fact that he didn’t get enough time with his wife wasn’t just because she died so young, but because he was away so often. He wouldn’t do that again. Already, he was putting off studio sessions and canceling meetings to spend time with you. Maybe he really had learned from his past mistakes without even realizing it.

“Is it really her?” he asked. It was a question that didn’t really need voicing, but it slipped out anyway. No matter what the answer, he would walk back into that bedroom and hold you tightly.

But Persephone nodded. “Yes, it is. I held onto her until I thought the time was right. Most memories are erased when a person is reborn, but I left traces of you in her, despite my husband’s protests, to help bring her to you. Remember how she said she would get sad sometimes without any reason?”

Yixing gave off a short laugh. It was a faint memory of him that took you to the streets that day, allowing him to see you again. It made all those years of wandering alone worth it, absolutely.

“Yixing?”

You stepped out on to the balcony, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and yawning. Persephone was gone, leaving the two of you alone. Opening his arms for you, Yixing pulled you in close to his chest, staring out at city skyline. He could feel your heartbeat, the steady rhythm reminding him of the rain pattering against the window on days where he felt especially lonely. He’d thought about how much he disliked the rain that day he pulled you out of the street. Now it was his favorite sound in the whole world. A sound that used to pull him down was now making him fly.

Day: 1,095,472

“Yixing! Hurry up! We’re going to be late!”

“I’m coming! Just one more minute!”

Instead of finishing up, however, Yixing just found himself smiling at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. The two of you were supposed to have left already for the party celebrating Shia’s newest album.

After much persuasion by you, Yixing had finally relented in letting Shia release the song he’d written for you. Now there were talks of songwriting awards galore with how successful the single had become. Yixing didn’t think he’d be able to attend the awards, needing to keep his identity as lowkey as possible, but the thought of it was elating enough.

You peeked into the bathroom, looking as amazing as ever. “Yixing, the fact that we’re waiting on you and not me is a great way to break the stereotype, but we’re seriously going to miss the launch!”

“I’ll be right there,” he promised, giving you a kiss on the cheek.

“Okay,” you sighed, stealing your own kiss from his lips before disappearing back to the living room of your shared apartment.

Fixing his hair one last time, Yixing gave himself a last onceover to make sure he looked the part of main producer. But then he spotted something that didn’t belong. Hidden among his styled black hair was a single strand of gray. Plucking it from its place, he held it up close to examine it. There it was, a gray, aged hair. Never had he ever seen one of those from his own head. Did this mean-

It wasn’t ever meant to be a punishment. I knew how much you loved your wife. I wanted to give you a second chance at that love.

Did this mean he was no longer immortal? Would he now be allowed to age and grow old with you? Only time would give way to the truth, but the hope growing in his heart was like a wildfire, raging out of control.

Out in the living room, he pulled you into a hug.

“Is everything okay?” you asked when you pulled back.

Yixing nodded eagerly. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Come on, let’s go.” He took your hand and led you out the front door, to head to the party and to the rest of your lives. Together.

#exo #exo fanfiction #exo fanfic #yixing x reader #zhang yixing #lay #reincarnation au #greek mythology au #exo scenarios #The Sound of the Rain

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

Text

Survey #256

song lyrics here.

Would you date someone who still lived with their parents? Well considering I still live with my mother, I'd be quite the hypocrite if otherwise. Are you a generous person? I personally think so. Do you have a close relationship with your family? With my mom, extremely. Do you think there is life on other planets? Well, define "life," I suppose. Bacteria, stuff like that that science defines as life, yes. Complex life, I don't know. Would you enjoy a night of playing video games? Fuck yeah. Are you sexually attracted to any inanimate objects? ???? No. Would you watch a porno with your partner? UH NO I'm personally not at all interested in porn, and I feel it'd be awkward anyway? Have you ever stolen from your work? No. How much does intelligence turn you on? I guess like your average person that finds intelligence attractive. Do you ask someone out or wait for them to ask you? History shows it varies. Do you own any sex toys? No. Do you talk about your sex life with either of your parents? Well I don't have one now, but historically, I very timidly have with my mom about something. Generally though, I don't. I keep that very private. Do you search someone on the Internet before a first date? No. How often do you use Facebook at work? I'm unemployed. Do you enjoy television or movies better? That's hard, but maybe movies. I don't really watch either, but movies, when they have a good plot, are usually more enjoyable. Would you consider donating your body to science after you die? Sure thing. I personally want to donate my organs and have the rest cremated, though. Are you a romantic person? Yeah. Would you be okay with your partner hanging with their ex as friends? It would seriously depend on the depth of their relationship, where they're hanging out, how long... that kind of stuff. I am very serious about letting your partner have friends, including w/ the gender they're interested in, so I try to be open-minded here. Are you careful with your money? It's hard to even say with how seldom I have any. Do you like to be friends with someone before dating them? Absolutely. Do you like soccer? No. Is it more fun to go out just with your date or on a group date? Depends. I'd say I USUALLY prefer uhhh... single dates? How often do you go dancing/clubbing? Never. Is marriage a necessity for two people who love each other? Uh, no. Do you meditate? No. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. Is there anything you think science will never be able to explain? The soul. Do you cook fancy meals for dates? I don't cook. You don't want me to. Is intoxication ever an acceptable excuse for acting stupid? Fuck no. Do you believe in an afterlife? Probably. Do you litter? NO. Would you have sex with someone hot who you hated? nO????????????? Do you have a career plan? Kinda, but who knows when the fuck that's coming true. Do you mostly cook your own meals? Well, I mostly microwave stuff. I never use the stove or oven. Could you live with someone who was really messy? To a certain degree, no. Do you believe in fate or destiny? No. Have you ever had sex with someone you worked with? No. Would you date someone just for the sex? Nope. Have you ever had a one night stand? No. Have you ever lied about the number of sexual partners you’ve had? No. Are sex and intimacy the same thing? "Sex is just one example of intimacy. There’s other ways to be intimate, including ones that don’t involve being sexual at all." <<<< Exactly this. Have you ever played strip poker? No. How often do you get angry? "I’m someone who gets irritated, moody, upset, and frustrated often, but not angry." <<<< Also this. Do you consider yourself an emotional person? VERY MUCH SO. Is work important to you? Considering how harshly I shit on myself for not having a job, most certainly. Have you had cosmetic surgery? No. On a first date do you pay or do they? In every experience but with Sara, they did. I only paid on Sara's and my first date out of trickery lmao. Do you only date people who have jobs or are full-time students? No. Could you date someone who does drugs? Nope. Medical marijuana is fine, though. Have you ever been to a sex shop? No. Have you ever had a threesome? Nah. Do you enjoy discussing politics? Noooo. Would you do a striptease for your partner? WHOA I would feel WAY too awkward gd. Would you date someone who doesn’t have a car? Yeah. Is it wrong to watch porn if you’re in a relationship? That depends on the people in it. Some mind, some don't. Idk how I'd feel it if was my partner. Do you think men should pay for everything on dates? Hi, it's 2020. Women don't need to be "taken care of." Would you tie up a partner if they asked you to do so? Yeah. Have you ever had sex in a public place? No. Would you date someone twice your age? No. Should a child caught masturbating be punished? It'd be weird at a certain age, but no. It's normal to explore sexuality and what you like, and perhaps even more importantly, it's way better for you to let your sexual urges out privately versus... you know. Being forceful on others. Do you tell your friends you love them? Of course!! Maybe it's just how I was brought up, but I've always gotten kinda confused when (particularly good) friends don't. Love is platonic just as much as it is romantic, and you should let people know! Do you like playing tic-tac-toe? I mean, I guess? What about hangman? It's more fun than the former. Did you play hopscotch when you were younger? Yeah. Did your older sibling ever tell you freaky stories that you believed? I remember at least one. Do you have a yahoo account? It exists, but I haven't touched it in an eternity. I don't even remember the password. Are you a violent person? Definitely not. Do your siblings dye their hair? Not really. They occasionally get highlights, though. Do you still have any of your exes’ stuff? Besides gifted stuff, no. I think. Who can you best relate to in the last book you read? That I finished, Clay. Because he's dumb and hungry. Are you indecisive? Unbelievably. Do you collect anything? What? Meerkat and Silent Hill stuff. What are you listening to? An Emzotic video. I'm like,,, hooked on her stuff. I've been on a MASSIVE animals video binge lately, and she's a FUCKING MOOD. What was the last compliment someone gave you? Idr. What are your pets’ names? Roman and Venus. Gah, I need more bbz. What did your first best friend look like? Last I've seen a picture of her, she was a somewhat bigger person with long, curly brown hair, and she's always been very tan. Did you have a role model growing up? Steve Irwin. If you could learn how to play one instrument, what would it be? Guitar. Is your best friend dating anyone? Do you like them? No. Do you want to move? Very badly, and we probably are soon. Do you have a big family? My extended family is giant. Do you want more or less siblings? I'm happy with what I have. What is your idea of perfect happiness? Great contentment in all I do. Surrounded by love, changing the world in even tiny ways, etc. What is the trait you most deplore (dislike) in yourself? I realized it semi-recently and honestly don't want to share it. Only my old therapist knows, I think. Besides that one, the fact I'm very impulsive with words when I'm upset, probably. What is your greatest extravagance? I'm really creative and passionate. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Probably the glorification of virginity. I would know. It was a MASSIVE DEAL for most of my teenage years. On what occasion do you lie? When it's a thing where I feel it's just better to not be honest. Now I honor honesty a lot, so I avoid it as much as possible, but no, I don't believe it's always the best policy. What do you most dislike about your appearance? My weight. Which living person do you most despise? I don't know about one specific person. The traumatized part of me says Jason's friend that encouraged him to break up with me, but I know I rightfully shouldn't even dislike him, save for the fact he was pretty arrogant. What or who is the greatest love of your life? I don't know. When and where were you the happiest? Well, it depends. If you mean in a specific moment of most intense happiness, lots of times with Jason. An extended period of happiness, early into recovery when I lived with Colleen. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Recovering from the breakup. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? A house cat. Seems like a pretty good life. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? At least from my experiences, harsh rejection when you try your best to please that person. What do you value most in your friends? As far as a sweeping characteristic they all share, the will to listen and just be there for me in times I really need companionship. Who are your favorite writers? I don't really have favorites. Who is your hero of fiction? Hm, I dunno. Which historical figure do you most identify with? Uhhhh I also don't really know. I'm not enough of a history buff for this. Who are your heroes in real life? I answer this enough. What are your favorite names? Alessandra and Severin. Do you like watching reruns? No. What do you think is worth waiting for? Deep relationships. Should parenting classes be mandatory for new parents? No. What is the number one thing people are always asking you for help with? English/writing. What movie did you love the original but hated the sequel to? I remember the Ghost Rider sequel was nothing compared to the original. It was okay, but. Are you more talk and less action or vice versa? More talk. Have you ever given someone a handmade present? Yeah, especially as a kid. What type of person angers you the most? Probably those who can't put their pride aside for anything. What do you think should be a wonder of the world that currently isn’t? I don't even know what they all are to get a proper grasp on the question. What comforts you on bad days? My mom and Sara, sleep, YouTube, sometimes regrettably food, etc. Do you treat yourself and your body with respect? Not very well. Something you eat that other people would find gross. *shrugs* Nothing that's too weird. Have you ever broken the law and didn’t get caught, if so how? Yeah, and obviously by not screaming it to the world, but also because none are massive. Something you fear might change you. The aftermath of heartbreak. It still affects me today and makes me see less hope in love. What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you? Volatility. Have you ever resented someone, if so what for? "Stealing" Jason, and the other person for accusing me something of so fucking selfish and vile I don't even like saying it, especially when she was my damn therapist that I loved and trusted. How old do you think is too old to have a baby? "Old enough that getting pregnant would cause significant harm to you or the baby." <<<< How have you changed over the last five years? I've definitely become wiser and more open-minded. Have you ever painted a house? Nope. Have you ever had a surprise party (that was an actual surprise)? No. What makes you feel miserable? Eating badly (particularly too much sugar makes me feel shitty), doing nothing/extended boredom. What’s the best costume you’ve ever worn? Don't have a clue. What’s been the hardest loss you’ve had to take? Jason. A loss without actual death is, wow, awful. I mean death is too, but holy shit it hurts when that person chooses to leave you. Do you like sunny days or rainy days more? Depends on the temperature and my mood. Who is your favorite movie director and what’s your favorite movie from them? Tim Burton, of course. Alice In Wonderland. What is the furthest you’ve ever got a paper airplane to fly? Not very far. Nothing impressive. Do you like the person you are becoming? It depends on the context. Honestly, by this point, not really. What’s the highest you’ve ever jumped into the water from? Not high at all. What inspires your ideas? More than anything, music. Just a single lyric, sometimes one word, spawns a sometimes very complex concept. Have you ever assembled furniture by yourself? No. Have you ever bolstered your resume to get a job you really wanted? No. I have a really, really hard time lying for a job. Have you ever had an internship, if not what would be your dream intern job? No. Do you prefer chicken, beef, or seafood? Chicken. Have you ever had a health scare? Yes. What do or did you hate the most about dating or the dating process? Opening up again. What do you frown upon when it comes to raising kids? Spanking. Have you ever been professionally photographed? Yeah. Do you influence people more than they influence you? I very much doubt that. If you could ask one person, alive or dead, only one question, what would you ask? If he regrets me. Do you buy anything organic, if so, what is it? I don't think so? What was the name of the first album you ever bought and who was it by? I believe it was You're Awful, I Love You by Ludo. Do you have any prejudices you’ve admitted to yourself? No. Who is the very first friend you ever remember making and how old were you? Brianna; I was two. What makes you lose sleep? Stress. Anxiety. PTSD. Do you floss or use a toothpick when food gets stuck in your teeth? I floss. Have you ever made out in a bathroom? Pretty sure that's a negative. Ever physically fought with member of the opposite sex? YIKES no. Well, besides playfighting. Ever walked in on your friends having sex? No. Ever kissed a friend’s crush? No. Has anyone ever called cops on you? No. Do you swallow gum when you’re finished? Noooo that's so uncomf. Ever tackled someone to the ground? Not in a way that was a harsh fall. More like a crumbling to the floor. Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? Hm. Maybe in the school library, but I doubt that, really. I don't think I ever actually fell asleep. Did the last person you kiss have piercings? No. Did your parents spoil you as a child? No. Have you ever had alcohol poisoning? No. Ever thrown up in public? Yes. Has anyone laid on your bed besides you? Yes. What bothers you more, when people lie or when people complain? Depends on the severity. I think lying is more hurtful, though. How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? Three. Who took your profile picture on Facebook? Me. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? More towards the left. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? No. Would you ever date anyone your parents disapproved of? Yeah. I'd consider their reasonings, of course, but it's my decision.

#survey #quiz #questions

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daysswithyou · 5 years

Text

I’m Serious

Characters: Wonpil x You

Genre: 95% angst, 5% fluff

Word count: 5.1k

Description: I’m serious. My eyes say that I like you. Why don’t you feel it?

-----

[Final year of high school]

You remember where it first started. Under that big willow tree by the corner of the school field.

"Done!"

"Yay! Thank you!"

I turn around to face a grinning Wonpil as he passed the marker back to me.

"Now that you've signed my uniform... what else is there for you to do? Oh yes! The book!"

He raises his eyebrows at you as you rummage through your bag, presenting to him a notebook and pen.

"Write a small message in the book for me? I want to remember everyone that has been with me on this high school journey."

"Sure."

"First page, left the biggest space for you."

Wonpil bursts out laughing at the sight of his big face plastered on the first page. But soon he calms down, thinking long and hard about what to write in your book, chewing on the ends of your pen as he thinks.

There's so much he wants to say...but he's afraid he'll scare you away. How to be subtle yet clear about it?

He blushes furiously as he pens down the words sincerely, biting onto his lower lip the entire way to prevent himself from grinning widely.

"Done! You can read it now."

"Now?"

"Yea." A nod and a grin.

The notebook returns to your hands and you find the page easily, reading through it slowly.

In his classic long-winded style, Wonpil starts with how he first met you in middle school, then goes on to basically narrate your entire friendship through middle school and high school. Yet the essence of the message is in the last line.

Let's hang out more over summer break? Namsan Tower? We can take a stroll along the bridge with love locks!

He looks at you expectantly, awaiting your favorable reply yet your reaction is not one that he expects.

"Yea we can go Namsan! See the pretty summer foliage but love locks? Ayyy why would we go there? We're not a couple!"

You punch him in the shoulder zestfully, hoping to lighten up the heavy mood that threatens to suffocate the both of you.

"Ayyy you're right, what was I thinking? Love locks? Pffft it's kind of overrated. Let's not go there. When do you want to go to Namsan?"

"Next week? But then again I've got plans elsewhere too..."

You rattle on and on about your schedule and plans for the summer holidays, but at this point, Wonpil was listening only halfheartedly.

So... I guess you're going to just laugh it over huh?

---

[Present day; sophomore year in college]

"Yah Y/N!"

You jump at the sudden loud voice, wondering why on Earth Kim Wonpil was still in school at this ungodly timing.

You hear footsteps thundering towards you as you turn, finding a mop of long brown hair right in front of you soon after.

"Why are you still here?"

"Waiting for you."

"Why? We didn't arrange to meet for dinner today right?"

"We didn't. I wanted to wait for you so we could go home together."

"You didn't have to-"

"Y/N!"

Another voice interrupts your conversation with Wonpil, and you both turn to look at the new participant.

"Hi Jinyoung, not heading home yet?"

"No, I wanted to say bye to you before leaving."

"Oh...you didn't have to! I was still inside talking to Prof Oh about the project, you must have waited for a long time."

"For you, it's ok. Get home safely Y/N! Your friend?"

"Oh, him? Yes, since middle school. Wonpil, meet Jinyoung! We take classes on digital design together."

"Nice to meet you Wonpil. Jinyoung."

"Nice to meet you too Jinyoung."

Something is off.

There was nothing wrong with Wonpil's greeting but you know he's not acting like himself. Wonpil would always greet people with a smile, not like this with a stoic facial expression.

Does he not like Jinyoung?

Jinyoung shifts his eyes nervously between you and Wonpil, sensing the tension in the air too. Eager to leave, Jinyoung breaks the silence first.

"I'll make a move then. Get home safely Y/N!"

Jinyoung ruffles your hair as a parting gesture but from the corner of your eye, you can see Wonpil shooting daggers towards the both of you. More specifically, at Jinyoung and the hand that lay atop of your head. His smoldering gaze follows Jinyoung even as he moves further away from you, turning to wave goodbye to you.

"Wonpil ah, did you have to stare so intensely at Jinyoung? You scared him."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to. I was just making sure he wouldn't try anything funny with you, some guys out there are scary."

"Not Jinyoung, he's fine."

"You two are close?"

"Quite? We're design assistants under Prof Oh now so I see him often."

"Is he nice to you?"

"Well. Yea. He's sweet, he buys me dinner sometimes when I'm busy and I forget. He stays back to help me when I hit a creative block. Small things like these that touch the heart. He's actually a pretty good guy."

"Woah really? Wow my little friend Y/N is all grown up now!"

"Oh would you stop teasing me? I just said I might, not I would."

"Just asking for fun. If you had to choose someone to date, who would you choose? Jinyoung or me?"

"How can I possibly choose? Both of you are equally good guys."

"Come on, that's not an answer!"

"It is! Besides, it's not a serious question. You just asked for fun right?"

I'm trying to start a conversation to figure out how you feel, masking it as a joke so you wouldn't know. Yet it seems like I'll never get an answer from you.

"Ah forget that I ever asked. I don't have to know the answer anyways."

He sticks out his tongue to make a face at you, and you do the same to spite him. The bus ride is silent as you fall asleep on his shoulder, Wonpil barely moving an inch to make sure you won't wake up.

Back home, he flops down on his bed with a heavy heart, puffing up his cheeks in annoyance as his mind replays your answers to his questions.

Why can't she just give me a straight answer? Is she really going to continue to be ambiguous?

His phone buzzes with a special tone, and he flips it over immediately, knowing it was a message from you.

Thank you for sending me home today. I’ll get you some patches for your shoulder tomorrow, sorry about that ^^’’’

It’s ok, I got them at home. Rest well princess

His thumb hovers over the heart emoji, wondering if he should include it in the text.

If I do this, it’ll be very obvious right? She’s so oblivious, I got to make it obvious.

It’s ok, I got them at home. Rest well princess <3

He added in the heart emoji for good measure, placing the phone screen down on his chest as he waits for your reply. He envisions a getting a cute text back, and he has to use the back of his hand to cover his mouth, lest his giggling noises arouses suspicion from his family. He didn’t have to wait long for your text back, but his smile immediately fades when he sees your reply.

Princess? BLEH :P Rest well too Piri! See you tomorrow.

No hearts, no emojis, no nothing. Just plain text. With nothing else left to reply, he locks the phone screen and tosses it to the side of his bed.

Wah I’m really going crazy here. How do I get her to realize my feelings? I’ve left so many hints! What else more should I do?

With no answer to his questions, Wonpil is left staring at the ceiling again as he runs his hands through his hair and face in frustration, just like every other night.

---

“Yah Kim Wonpil. You need to look away. If you don’t, either your eyes will pop out of their sockets first, or both of them will go up in smoldering flames.”

“What?”

Wonpil hears Sungjin’s voice, but does not register what the older says. Rolling his eyes, Sungjin shifts left to sit right in front of Wonpil, effectively blocking his view of both you and Jinyoung.

“Hyung!”

“Why do you keep looking? Just leave them be. Staring at her isn’t going to magically make her fall in love with you. So you either go out there and do something, or else you give her up.”

Sungjin then takes a look at his beeping watch, uttering out farewell to Wonpil with his mouth full of sandwich before hurrying off to Physics Lecture.

Perhaps Sungjin has a point, maybe I should give her up?

The thought eats away at Wonpil for the rest of the day, earning him a earful from his lecturer when he was caught not paying attention. And later on in the day, another earful from Sungjin during band practise when he messes up the keys for the song transition. Even as he lies on his bed at 1am attempting to fall asleep, he finds his mind wandering back to you. Memories of you that start way back in middle school surfaces in his mind, each giving him more and more reason to like you.

Your hardworking self; never missing class clean-up duty even if that means you have to rush back from consultations with teachers.

Your kind self; volunteering your free time at animal shelters, orphanages and elderly care centres. Sometimes you even go the extra mile for them, travelling to far flung places when they are short on manpower.

Your brave self; standing up against friends and elders who do not realise that their actions are wrong.

Yet, Wonpil is also well aware that you’re not perfect.

You can be quick to anger; blowing up at people just because you were cranky that morning.

You can be blunt sometimes; not really thinking about the weight of your words before saying them.

You can be unreceptive to feedback; you might pull a black face the whole day, just because someone said something you didn’t quite agree with.

Despite your flaws, Wonpil sees redeeming qualities. Over the years, you’ve acknowledged your flaws and you’ve been slowly improving on them. Small things like apologising at the end of the day after yelling at someone, makes you more endearing to him.

I like her because, and I love her despite. How could I possibly give up on someone like that?

Yet Wonpil only sets himself up for heartbreak - for not being to let you go.

---

At the end of each day, Wonpil goes home to nurse a bruised heart. All day long, he has to watch you and Jinyoung get all chummy with one another. The smiles shared between one another, the hand holding and all that sort of stuff he doesn't even want to think about.

But the worst part comes when he's with you, and yet he doesn't have your attention.

Barely able to hide the annoyance in his voice, he asks,

“Who are you texting?”

“Jinyoung.”

Him again. Why won’t you just pay attention to me for once?

Wonpil’s jaw tighten and his fists clench, his lips now set in a straight line as he watches you with sad eyes.

You spare him a quick glance from the corner of your eye, noticing the change in his mood but yet you still want to reply Jinyoung, so you try your best to bid for some time.

“Sorry, let me just reply to this one text real quick…”

You type out a speedy reply, promising to text Jinyoung again tonight before you turn your attention back to Wonpil.

“Sorry Piri! What were you saying?”

“What time do you end tomorrow in school?”

“You’re planning to wait again? I’m going to be late though, got a project meeting with Prof Oh till 9 and then I’m seeing Jinyoung for a short while after.”

“Jinyoung? What for?”

“I have no idea but it probably won’t take long.”

“I’ll wait for you then.”

“Really Pil, you don’t have to.”

“But I want to! Will you just not argue with me and agree to it?”

“Alright! Geez what is up with you?”

You land a light punch on his stomach, and Wonpil finally laughs again at your cute antics.

It’s so easy for you to make me happy but when will it finally be my turn to make you happy?

---

[2100, outside Prof Oh’s office]

Jinyoung and you bade the professor goodbye as she locks up her office, and Jinyoung waits till she’s out of earshot before turning to you.

“Y/N.”

“Yea? Oh right, you said you wanted to tell me something.”

“To be exact, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Go straight ahead.”

“Hand?”

“Hand? Why’d you need my hand?”

Despite your doubts, you trust Jinyoung so you give your hand as you he asks, looking away for a moment to see if Wonpil has arrived. You snap your head back when you feel cool metal against your skin, the sound of small charms tingling in the air.

“Oh what-”

“It’s a gift, and I was hoping you’ll wear it to the year end dinner and dance.”

“Ah so this is what it is all about… Park Jinyoung I didn’t know you were that sneaky. Luring me in.”

“Well, I can’t show all my skills at one go right? So is this a yes?”

“Yea I would love to.”

You watch as Jinyoung smiles from ear to ear, before he leans forward to place a kiss on your cheek.

Yet, instead of feeling all warm and fuzzy after the kiss, you are left wide-eyed with shock, your system not welcoming the sudden kiss at all. Your first instinct is to remove yourself from the scene, and the first person you thought of was Wonpil. You wanted him close to make you feel safe, yet he was nowhere in sight.

Wonpil...where are you…you’re supposed to be here...

Unbeknownst to you, he was there, just not in your line of sight. From his well-hidden spot behind the pillar, he could see and hear everything. Anger bubbled within him when he realised that he lost to Jinyoung again, and he nearly crushed the supper he had so painstakingly made for you after his own dinner. But the fatal stab to the heart was the kiss and he took your inaction as acceptance. The image sears in his mind, the dreaded feeling of losing you crawls under his skin.

He leaves the scene, leaving the broken pieces of his heart scattered around. Maybe you’ll finally step on one, and notice his unwavering heart for you when it’s too late.

---

The last contact you had with Wonpil for the past 2 weeks leading up to dinner and dance was the supper he made for you after the incident. You had got home late after trying to shake off Jinyoung, and by then the soup had gone cold. He left you a note that read:

To: Y/N:

Sorry for not turning up in school, I wasn’t feeling too well. But Mum made some soup and had me bring it over. Heat it up before you drink it and don’t stay up too late.

But you could taste the lie in the soup. Only he would know to put carrots instead of celery in the soup, knowing how much you disliked the latter.

Why’d you have to lie?

Yet you knew he must have his reasons so you decided not to question him. You barely saw him in school; he seemed to be busy, always rushing off to places after a quick greeting to you along the corridors.

But you knew you had to find out why he lied, so you sent him a message, hoping he would finally be willing to talk to you again.

Come over at 5pm tomorrow? I need help.

The message was instantly read but the “Online” status quickly went off. Despite not getting a response, it was a good start that was enough to give you hope.

---

"You called me all the way over here - for this?"

"To be fair... I called you because you were the only one that lived close enough to help me with this. Come in and close the door behind you."

Why do I do this to myself...

Despite the pain in his heart, all Wonpil did was let out a soft sigh of exasperation, before entering your room and shutting the door behind himself.

"What do you need help-"

He turned around to face you, only to find the door to your bathroom closed, light shining through from the bottom slit.

With nothing else to do, he sat down by the edge of your bed, eyes scanning your room aimlessly. Upon closer inspection, he found something amiss about your room. To be precise, there were new additions to your room - additions that were an absolute eyesore to look at. Lying on top of your desk, was the bracelet Jinyoung got you. He recognised the rose quartz charm, your birthstone for a Cancer baby.

But even now, and like all the previous occasions, Wonpil could only watch as his heart clenched in pain, nails digging into the palm of his hands to stop himself from dismantling the bracelet. He had to admit, it was a smart move by Jinyoung. Something you would wear all the time, so you would be constantly reminded of Jinyoung. Wonpil didn't realise how intensely he was staring at the bracelet until you stood right in front of him to get his attention.

"Wonpil? I called you 5 times and you didn't even respond, what are you preoccupied with?"

"Oh- I-I was just...you know. Admiring the bracelet."

He then gestures vaguely in the direction of that...thing he so very much detested before letting his arm drop back heavily to his lap, the corners of his lips lifting into a stiff smile just to make sure you would not suspect a thing.

But you saw through him; the stiff posture, the tight lines around his eyes, and the happiness that wasn't reflected in his eyes.

He saw. He saw it that day. But why is he acting this way?

Then the realisation slams into your head, and it was the only possibility left.

Was it possible...that he...that he...still had feelings...for me..?

But you nip the thought in the bud before shoving it to the back of your mind.

No he can't still have feelings for me. It's been years since we last said those words to me.

"Help me?"

"With what? You haven't told me since I got here."

He's standing by the end of the sentence, and you've turned around to have your back facing him.

"Help zip me up?"

Wonpil's words die in his throat at the sight of your exposed back and he has to take a deep breathe before answering, afraid that the tremors in his voice might give him away.

"Sure."

Still, he is hesitant. This is such an intimate act, especially when he's so hopelessly in love with you. Yet he's the only one that's so bothered by it. You sweep your hair over your shoulder, casting him a sideway glance when you realised he hadn't made a move since; a look that said "What are you waiting for?"

With no other option but to go forth, Wonpil takes half a step closer to you before holding your dress in one hand, and his fingers on the other pinching the zipper between his hands. Very slowly, he draws the zipper up and electricity charges the room. As his eyes travelled over the expanse of your back, intrusive thoughts fill his mind; your fingers tangled in his hair, his hands travelling down your back as his lips finds purchase along your neck, feeling your pulse throbbing against his lips.

Meanwhile, you were having a hard time keeping your heart from racing as well. Wonpil was taking a painfully long time zipping up your dress, and you could feel his eyes on your back as he slowly made his way up. That made you more self-conscious, and goosebumps broke out all over your arms as you tried not to shiver under his gaze. He was your best friend for goodness sake, why were you feeling so hot and bothered around him?

When you felt the zip come to an end at the back of your neck, you lifted your gaze from the floor, only to find Wonpil already staring at you back in the mirror. As always, his eyes are filled with stars, they twinkle under the soft lights in your room. But the sparkle is dimmer now, shrouded behind a heavy emotion. It was a huge, dark storm of swirling emotions; disappointment sat in the centre of the storm whilst sadness and anger made the violent storm rage wilder. It was the look of pain that you wear when you look at something you pine for; a situation where you look at something that you want but can never have.

Oh God. He still hasn't gotten over me. He never did.

You gasp a little when you feel his hands rest lightly against your hips through the fabric of your dress. You catch his gaze through the mirror and you have to remind yourself to breathe with the way that he was looking at you. Pressing his lips beside your ears, your gasp escaped your lips, sounding a little too loud for your liking.

"You look beautiful tonight Y/N." And I wish that I was the one taking you to dinner and dance instead.

He detaches himself from you with a soft brush of his lips against your ears, giving your hips a very soft squeeze.

Yet you don't let him go, capturing his hands in yours to place them on your waist before swiveling around in his arms to face him.

Unsure of what to do in such a compromising position, you hesitate for a moment before placing your hands against his shoulders, admiring how sturdy they feel under the skin of your fingertips.

You lock gazes with Wonpil, heavy silence in the air. Neither of you dared to speak first, afraid that once the status quo was broken, everything would spiral out of control. Your relationship could either become a spectacular show of fireworks, or burn to ashes in the deadly flame.

Wonpil tried his very best to keep himself in check, taking swallow breathes in order to not breathe in your intoxicating scent. He knew that if he allowed more of you to invade his senses, he might just tip himself over the edge, acting on desires that might end what little he has with you.

He may never have you as a lover, yet he certainly does not want to lose you as a friend.

He will keep his distance now, just like he always has.

He kept his hands firmly locked on your waist, his eyes travelling to safe space. Like your eyes. But now... maybe they weren’t so safe anymore. Your eyes that always held such strong emotions, were now asking him one simple question.

And the answer to that question, was one that he hoped to spend the rest of his life proving and showing. He wanted so badly to just press his lips to yours now, whispering between kisses and breathes how much he loved you. But he knows that it is not his place to shower you with love unless you allow him to. So he takes that thought and shove it away until your break the silence and bring it to the forefront of his mind.

“Do you...still...like me...?”

Wonpil lets out a small chuckle at your question; was it really one that needed to be asked? Releasing a hand from your waist, he tucks a strand of hair behind your ears before cupping your jaw gently,

The pad of his thumb hovers above your skin for a moment, hesitation still evident in his eyes. He would hate himself if you chose to walk away at the end of it all...but he would hate himself more if he didn't try. Softly caressing your cheek, he takes his time admiring your features, committing them to memory. He may never get the chance to do this ever again, so he basks in the moment; the one time he has your undivided attention. He gazes into your eyes lovingly, never once breaking eye contact before pouring all his emotions into those heartfelt words.

“It seems like the whole world knows this except you but I do Y/N. I like you. I love you. Nothing has changed since the last time I told you under that big willow tree in high school.”

He pauses to compose himself before continuing.

“But it’s ok even if I’m not the one you love. It might take some time but... I'll get over you. Someday. Somehow. I don't ask for your love, I just ask that you be happy."

He gives you a weak smile and your resolve breaks apart. It lets out a torrential flood in its wake and the only thing stopping you was the feeling of his arms around your back as you surged forward into his open arms. You tighten your arms around his neck, and he soon feels water dripping down the column of his neck.

"Y/N...? What's wrong?"

Instinctively his hands reach up to smooth your hair, like he always does when he has to comfort you after hard times. You bite on your bottom lip to stop yourself from crying out loud, willing the tears to stop flowing so dramatically.

"Shhh... It's ok now Y/N... It's ok... I got you, I always got you..."

It's true. Nothing's changed. Even though you brushed his feelings aside many times, he never put yours aside. You many have broke his heart, but it's clear that the broken parts still beat for you. These thoughts made you choke out a strangled sob, and you gave up trying to hold it in. You cried freely into Wonpil's shoulder at the thought of him constantly watching over you, the feelings of guilt and disappointment making you shake more violently in his arms. Holding you closer, he repeats his comforting strokes along your hair and back, rocking you slightly now in a bid to lull you into a sense of comfort so that you'll stop crying.

"Silly girl. What's wrong... please don't cry anymore..."

"Saying such things is only going to make the tears flow even more so would you just shut up and let me finish crying."

"Feisty. You're still the same... Ok then."

True to his word, Wonpil stops talking, but he continues comforting you until he hears that you've stopped crying. When he feels you push yourself off of him, he stretches over the length of your bed to reach for the tissue by your bedside before turning back around to place them on your tear stained face.

As you rub your face dry, you attempt to look him in the eye but you give up immediately, feeling the tears well up in your eyes again at the sight on his attentive face, ready to listen to whatever concern you might have.

"This is so embarrassing..."

You turn your face 180 degrees away from his, trying your best to not cry again. Yet memories of how he's cared for you all these years play again and again in your mind, making your guilt eat away at you again. A few stray tears slip down your cheek, and you hastily swat them away.

"Come here."

Wonpil's fingers are on your jaw again, turning your face to make you face him again. Carefully, with a touch that is tender and eyes full of love, he wipes your tears away gently.

"If you keep swatting your face, it's going to turn all red."

"I honestly can't be bothered."

"Come on~ you put in so much effort to look good tonight. Let's not let that go to waste."

When the mucus finally clears from your nose and you can speak clearly again, you whisper:

"How? Why? After so long your heart still hasn't changed..."

"You keep giving me more reasons to love you, why would my heart change? Besides, you know me better than myself, and you accept me wholeheartedly for that. Why would I walk away from someone I won't have to spend the rest of my life explaining myself to?"

He intertwined his fingers with yours, giving it a light squeeze as he stroked your knuckles.

"But like I said, it's ok if you can't love me. I'll find a way to let you go eventually. Even though it hurts."

It felt like a stab in the gut to admit defeat, but Wonpil rather let go with grace then to cry and whine about it. He stands to go.

But this time, it's no longer him that wants to let go.

"Stay. Let me try to love you too, Wonpil."

He furrowed his eyebrows at your odd request, wondering if his ears were playing tricks on him.

"But Jinyoung..."

"He’s not the one. I was never sure about him, but now I know he’s not the one. But I’m willing to give this a shot Wonpil, I’m willing to try."

"Really?"

"Really."

"You're not joking?"

"I'm not."

"Are you serious?"

"I'm serious."

You stare him dead in the eye and it happened so quickly that you weren't even aware until it already happened. You felt your back hit the cool glass panels of your wardrobe and Wonpil's nose press against your cheek as he kisses you deeply. The feeling knocks the wind out of you, and it leaves you breathless. This time round, it feels right. You welcome the kiss, weaving your fingers into his hair. You surrender to Wonpil, allowing him to take the lead. His kiss was full of longing, with a hint of relief that you hear in the small sigh he breathes out in between kisses. He kisses you passionately and fervently at first, leaving no inch of your lips untouched. But soon he slows down, taking his time to savor the taste of your lips, nipping and tugging at them sensually.

When he finally breaks away to catch some air, you giggle when you notice how flushed his face was as you run your thumb over his swollen lips.

"I am really, seriously, deeply in love with you Y/N."

"I am too, Wonpil. You don't have to worry about me running away anymore; I'm here to stay. And this time round, I'm serious."

#day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 fluff #day6 angst #day6 wonpil imagines #day6 wonpil scenario #day6 wonpil fluff #day6 wonpil angst #day6 writings

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

Note

I'm gonna be honest, your posts and my own perception of dc comics + fandom + its treatment of my most favorite fictional character makes me want to write a spite fic, but I have OCs in my head who are not leaving anytime soon AND I wanna write a good old fashioned romance with Dick but I have never written romance ever I don't even understand it... And I write scenes rather than a whole story. So I'm genuinely afraid I'll start something and it will neither be cohesive nor finished. Regrets..

Honestly? I say just fucking go for it anyway. Put it out there. If you’re worried about leaving readers high and dry or whatever, just be transparent about that in your author’s notes....just say up front hey, I’m not sure what my updating schedule will be like or if and when this will be finished, but here’s what I have, hopefully some people will enjoy it for what it is.

Like, that thing people keep saying to me in arguments about Ao3 and creative responsibility, about how “well fans aren’t getting paid for what they create so they don’t owe anyone anything?” I’ll say til the end of time that’s effing crap when it comes to things pertaining to social criticism, stuff like racism, homophobia, pedophilia in their works. No, they’re not getting paid but they’re still presenting things to society for their consideration, and they still owe the bare basics of what everyone in society owes each other....ie things like not being racist, homophobic, predatory to children, etc.

I bring that up here because the place where I ACTUALLY think “well fans aren’t getting paid to create their fanworks” is relevant....is stuff like you’re saying. Being worried about not finishing something and upsetting people.

THAT’S where I feel you don’t owe people, because devoting your free time and energy where and when you have it, to creating fanworks that you then offer up to the rest of fandom to hopefully enjoy, is not an obligation or a commitment to continuing to devote your free time and energy in order to continue to do so, if things change in your life or hell, if you just don’t want to anymore. Its your free time and your energy. That other people have benefited from it in the past, or reaped the rewards of your work in the form of entertainment they enjoy, is not an invitation for any of them to ever regard themselves as your boss and prioritize them as someone you need to please, more than you need to take care of yourself and what’s best for you.

There is a vast difference between ‘responsibility’ and ‘entitlement’ and so many of the issues I have with fandoms in general is the weird way in which so many people treat the two as flip-flopped and feel entitled to things they have no right to and meanwhile feel no responsibility to prioritize the basic decency everybody should have a right to enjoy.

In an ideal world, we’d never be without the endings to fics we invest a lot of time and energy into reading and enjoying, but other peoples’ enjoyment is not a responsibility we take on when we share things for free. This is one of those times when people need to be accountable for themselves. If they know they really hate not reading the ends of stories they really enjoy, and never getting the end to a story they’ve really been a fan of will upset them, that’s a them problem. That’s on them to factor this into their fandom experience and how they go about interacting with fanworks.

There’s an easy solution to never being left hanging by an unfinished fic.....wait until a fic is finished before beginning to read it. Does that mean they might not get to read or enjoy the early chapters of something a lot of other people are reading and talking about? Yup. But if they’re gonna be bothered anyway after reading those and ultimately the fic goes unfinished, then there was never a scenario there that ended ideally. If you want the enjoyment of at least having sampled every creative idea in the fandom, you have to accept the possibility that some of those ideas will go without conclusion. If you want the surety of never being left bothered by an unfinished fic, you have to accept that there are some stories and ideas you’ll miss out on entirely. *Shrugs* Its just how it is.

Doesn’t mean that its still not frustrating to reach the end of a WIP and not know if there’ll ever be more, or flat out told there won’t be....but being frustrated is not the end of the world. Its a thing they can vent about on their blog, and a thing that can result in posts that make you feel targeted by and stress you out about not having updated lately, but that’s just because of how widespread the ‘really loved a WIP and now it’ll probably never be finished’ phenomenon is throughout every fandom, and has been pretty much from the start. And yet, fandom is still here, and none the worse off for the vast multitude of unfinished fics.

Yeah, it sucks, but ultimately, its not a thing that actually hurts people, and its not a thing that you ever need to beat yourself up over. I mean, I’ve been there on both sides of the equation.....feeling super stressed and guilty over not updating a fic, and feeling frustrated by realizing a WIP I really loved is probably never going to be updated again. Neither is ideal, but it just is what it is.

For what its worth, the thing I’ve received the most positive feedback on in literally any fandom I’ve been in over the past sixteen years, is Chapter 3 of my YJ fic, Born Under A Bad Sign. Only three chapters of that fic ever got around to being posted so far, with Chapter 3 posted like two years ago, I think.....and yet that one chapter alone has generated me more comments, private messages and emails than anything else I’ve ever written. It was a really personal chapter that allowed me to really unpack a lot of my own issues, like, Dinah basically acted as a proxy for all the things I wished someone had said to me at various points in my life...and even though I really hate that I’ve been too sidetracked by real life drama to return to that fic, I am so, so glad that I posted that chapter as soon as I wrote it anyway. I’ve been told by a lot of people that it really helped them as well, just to read it, because they felt like it said a lot of things they wish they’d heard before now too. And even just hearing it in a fic, said to a character they relate to....*Shrugs* It can help. You never know what can help someone, or what will really speak to someone, or what can have an impact.

So I say if you cared enough to write it, someone’s bound to care enough to read it and be glad they did, even if you never write a single word more of it. If your biggest concern is leaving someone without more of something they enjoyed and came to love, just take comfort in the fact that you gave them something to love and some measure of enjoyment in the first place.

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oohfluffy · 5 years

Text

DDND Ch.17 | KJI

Group: EXO

Member: Kim Jongin

Theme: Fluff | Dancer!AU | Dormmmate!AU

Word Count: 2,003

❀ Chapter 17: No Way ❀

That wasn't— That— That's not for me, right?

I mean, if it was, he meant as a friend, right? It could be for his mom or something.

Yes. Right.

You nodded in agreement, clearly just trying to convince yourself. You suddenly shook your head before glancing at Sehun's sleeping form.

"Aish." You mumbled, finally getting out of the room and silently closing the door. You got your bag and looked at the clock near the door.

"Oh goodness. It's past 10 already."

You quickly opened the front door and went out to go home.

The journey back home was quiet and fast. There were a few cars on the streets but you can only count the people you passed by on your way. You sighed in exhaustion and relief as you finally saw the familiar gates of your dorm.

You were expecting Kai to open the gates and welcome you home but he wasn't there.

With your lower lip jutted out, you climbed up the gates and jumped down as you reached on the middle step. You took out your key for the front door and opened it. You smiled as you close the door and got ready to run to your room—

"It's quarter to 11 now. Where were you?"

You stopped on your tracks and slowly turned to the awfully familiar voice.

Kai was calmly sitting on the couch with his legs apart and arms crossed like a boss.

You gulped as you faced him.

Why am I even nervous? It's not like it's his business, right?

With that in mind, you stood up straight and confidently looked back at him but ending up cowering at his intense stare.

"W-Why are you glaring at me?" You asked, finally finding your voice somewhere. Kai didn't even blink at your question.

"Why are you trying you change the topic? How about you give me a reasonable answer to my question earlier?"

You looked away, biting your lip in frustration.

"I-I was just at a friend's apartment..." You mumbled quietly, even barely to be heard, but Kai's hearing was sensitive.

"Sehun's?"

Your eyes widened, totally giving you away by your reaction. Kai scoffed.

How-How did he know that? Did he stalk me?!

"What in hell did you do there?" Even though he looks like he's mad, he asked you with his calm voice.

"H-He was sick. I figured he has no one to take care of him—"

"Are you really his friend or a nanny? Why does he need someone to take care of him? Isn't he a 23 year old boy now?" Kai argued, cutting your explanation off. You were getting annoyed by Kai's childish reasons.

"We're only friends, Kai. If you weren't informed, friends take care of each other whatever the circumstances are. Sehun might be a grown up man now but sometimes a person can rely on someone when they can't help themselves. He's just living by himself—"

"That's the point! Sehun's living by himself, that's why you shouldn't have gone there alone. You should've asked me to come with you or anyone!"

"You're the only one who thinks like that, Kai. Don't you trust your own best friend? I haven't known him as long as you have but I know Sehun won't do anything bad. Sehun's my friend too." You said, inwardly calming your raging self. You saw Kai stand up and walk towards you.

He looked deep into your eyes like he's trying to find something in them.

"Sehun's a friend to you..." He trailed off, not taking his eyes off you.

"But do you think you he only sees you as a friend?"

You don't know why but what Kai said hit you so much that it hurts.

Kai sighed at your expression.

You were looking down, deep in thought as you doubt Sehun's perspective of you.

That's impossible, right?

"Okay. Never mind that. Just go to sleep now. I know you're tired, babe. I'm sorry." Kai said before kissing your forehead for a while, claiming your hand with his and leading you upstairs to your room.

Why would Kai say that?

Sehun doesn't like me that way, right?

There's no way Sehun would see me as anything other than a sister or a friend.

Right?

♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫

"EH?!"

You groaned as Tiffany whined.

"Seriously?! Nothing happened last night?! He only scolded you and that's all?!" Tiffany exclaimed incredulously. You looked at her.

"What did you expect, unnie?"

"I thought he would say..."

"Why did you even go to another man's house? You're mine now, right? I don't really like sharing my property, especially you."

"What..." You glared at her. Tiffany just shrugged with a frown.

"Hey, I'm just a girl with my own creative mind. I can imagine him saying that. He's hot anyway." Tiffany casually said as she flipped the café's sign to 'open'.

"That was not appropriate, unnie."

"Oh sorry. It's just he still doesn't have a girlfriend and he's hot and he's single because he still doesn't have a girlfriend."

"You're obviously emphasizing that he's single." You sighed, touching the screen in front of you as you entered your ID number. You're the cashier for the day.

"Really? Didn't notice."

"Hey, guys." Joohyuk entered, his hair still wet from shower. You just nodded and focused on your work. He frowned.

"Yo, Hyuk." Tiffany greeted, standing beside you. "Why're you late again?"

"Nam Joohyuk late again." Jongdae suddenly appeared out of nowhere with a folder on his hand. Joohyuk grinned sheepishly as he greeted the manager.

"Sorry. I was just finishing up the requirements for my documents." Joohyuk explained as he bowed at Jongdae.

"Oh. You're going to Singapore to study, right?" Jongdae asked, nodding at him.

"Yes, sir. I'll be passing my requirements this afternoon that's why I checked everything this morning. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I hope everything goes well for you." Jongdae smiled before going back to his office.

Yup. You read it right.

Your best friend for years, Nam Joohyuk, will be flying to Singapore next month to study more. Joohyuk has actually planned this already when you two were still in college.

"Too bad, Lin can't come with me." Joohyuk said with a sad smile. You looked at him with a grin.

"I know you can't live without me but you can do it. I know you can. It's your dream, right?"

You actually planned it with him in college, that you two will go abroad to study more about your chosen courses. Joohyuk with Engineering while you with Medicine. You really wanted to come with him before but now, a lot has changed.

You're still gonna attend your father's wedding next month too.

And there are a lot of people you're afraid to leave behind.

Not that Joohyuk wouldn't be sad to leave you and Tiffany or his mom. You understand that it's his dream not only for himself but for his family too.

But you...

Are you even dreaming?

You took Medicine in college but you stopped reaching out.

You stopped walking forward and chose to stay where you stopped at.

Joohyuk is passionate about achieving his dreams. He'll do whatever it takes to reach it even though it took him a lot of time to earn money for that. He's dreaming higher every time but continuously taking steps towards his goal.

You're totally different from him.

"What about your mom though? Who will be with her?" Tiffany asked, seeing how spaced out you are.

"Uhm." Joohyuk glanced at your blank face. "She'll be staying at her sister's house. I know they'll take care of her. I already explained to her everything she needs to know."

"When are you gonna come back her though? Maybe you'll be an engineer already!" Tiffany exclaimed as she pouted.

"I'll visit when I have free time. Noona, that'll be too far from the present!" Joohyuk whined as he went to the locker room. Tiffany just snickered at him and turned to you.

"You okay?"

You slowly nodded.

"Yeah. I am."

"You want to be a doctor, right?"

You smiled at her.

"Yeah, I did." You replied, looking back at the screen in front of you. Tiffany just observed you.

"You still do." She stated with certainty. You blinked. "I can see it. You just don't belong being behind the counters, dear. You deserve more. And you can do so much more than this."

You closed your eyes as if you're in pain, trying to keep the tears in.

"I already stopped, unnie. There's no point continuing it."

"Bullshit." Tiffany mumbled, rolling her eyes.

Sometimes she's adorable, sometimes she's a bitch.

"It's never too late, Lin! You're smart, reliable, responsible, caring and all of the synonyms you can get from those words! You can't just give up just because you stopped. I'm sure your dad will approve when you tell him what you want." Tiffany exclaimed as if it was her problem. You frowned.

"I don't think so."

"Just think about it. You won't lose anything."

"Unnie. I don't want to leave anyone. Not you, not Taeyong, not even my dad, not aunt Sunny nor even the tenants in our dorm, not this café." You said, bowing at the first customer for this morning.

You smiled at the customer as she started telling her order.

"Leaving doesn't mean you'll never come back. It's for your future anyway, I'm sure everyone will want the best for you. Think about yourself this time, Lin. It's not all about others every time."

You ignored what Tiffany said but her words kept ringing in your head.

"Think about yourself this time, Lin."

You shook your head and focused on working.

No. I'm fine here. I'm not leaving.

♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫

"Are you excited for the dinner this Friday, noona?"

You rolled your eyes at your brother's excited tone.

"No, I'm not."

"But your little bro is! You'll finally meet Aunt Ji Hyo~"

"Whatever. How's school?" You averted the topic as you eat your potato chips while taking out an old notebook.

"School was fun, noona. We're discussing Trigonometry this quarter in Math! Isn't that cool?!"

"I think you're the only one who finds Trigonometry cool, dongsaeng." You said as you opened the notebook in your hand. Reading the first page, the words were written in a creative way, occupying the whole page with designs on every corner.

What I Want To Do List:

"Ey. That's a bummer, noona. Anyway, how's it going there?"

"Joohyuk's gonna go to Singapore to study next month and he'll leave a week before the wedding. Everything aside from that is the same here." You said as you went to the next page, it has drawings on it. An airplane with 3 people peaking at the windows and a huge globe below it.

1) Travel the world with Joohyuk and Tiffany unnie. <3

"Really? That's good for him then! Too bad he can't go to father's wedding."

"Yeah. Too bad." You whispered as you read the next page. Hearts were everywhere, a drawing of a girl and a boy that was obviously copied from the internet was on the page.

2) Have a boyfriend! Kyahh.

"Are you okay, noona?"

And then after that two pages, only words were there on the next ones.

3) Understand father's decisions.

"Are you still there, noona?

4) Stop crying.

"I'm getting worried now, noona! Answer me please."

5) Just stop it. You won't get anywhere.

Before you knew it, the tears from your eyes started falling on the page.

And then you see something at the end of the page.

It doesn't have a number, indicating it's not on the list but instead...

I'll go abroad with Joohyuk and be successful once I finish studying Medicine! You'll see, appa! I can do it!

A promise to yourself.

"I'm fine, Tae."

You haven't even started dreaming that long but you stopped trying already.

—

❀ Ch.18

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