#Actually nope I don't care. I know how it feels when your self is working to achieve a goal your essence is actively against.

[another-clive-blog]

Why are we as a fandom not talking more about this scene ??

Clive is literally asking the professor to come back and stop him. Like this isn't him pretending to be Future Luke : he looks genuinely upset/displeased even after the professor promises to come back. He only goes back to smiling after the professor says, and I quote "I wouldn't dream of leaving things here in that state" before talking about stopping his future self. Clive wants confirmation that Layton is actually going to confront the bad guys, that he won't just solve the mystery but fix it too.

And this is literally so important. Clive's speech at the end, about getting saved. This is concrete proof that he had truly meant it from the start, because he's asking for Layton to stop him and thus save everyone here. Which, hey- he didn't just hope and wait to get saved, he tried to save himself too.

Yep, that's right. The game talks about how dangerous it was for Clive to bring Layton underground : it doesn't talk about how even more dangerous it was to let him leave. He could have brought back cops (he did). He could have gathered precious knowledge out there (he did). He could have never come back (and yet he did !!). Clive letting Layton leave is the biggest threat to his plan, and yet HE DID. And you know what else he did ? Make Layton promise to stop him. You can't make a clearer call for help, you just can't.

"Oh but it doesn't make his crimes more forgivable, now does it-" of course not. This isn't about Clive's redemption, it's about Clive trying to avoid needing a redemption : his efforts are vain the moment he started using the fortress. But. There were efforts.

[inkskinned]

being single in your late 20s & 30s is so fucking wild bc on one hand it's fun and flirty and you skip a lot of the bullshit because you know what you're looking for and you know how to spot a red flag from a mile away and you've learned to set boundaries and communicate your own and be upfront about your needs and most of the time they've learned it too - and if they haven't, you can tell after the second date that they haven't been to therapy

and every time you feel lonely and dried up and an ugly husk there's a whole community of other single people out there who are just as unhinged and want to hang out with you because they just need a plus-one like you do and you get introduced to like. people in their 60's and 70's and 80's who are all like - nope, single life is my choice and i love it and you feel warm and seen and like okay, it's not the end of the world if i'm not seeing anybody. and yeah it's hard and sometimes exhausting but part of getting better is that you do make like so many friends and do so much wild shit because you made a promise to yourself that you'll actually get out there and try shit and actually work on your hobbies and skills and friendships because to be honest in relationships you wouldn't push yourself this hard and it's actually been super rewarding because it came from you and from what you wanted

and yes of course the apps such and dating in general can suck but after one of the bad dates you go back to your apartment and call up those friends you made and make jokes about what the other person said and it rolls right off your back and you have plans for self-care in the morning. you prioritize yourself and your happiness and you really actually don't mind it, a lot of the time, unless it's like at a wedding and they're doing one of those couples-related things. most of the time it's not even a problem except when you can tell people pity you for it and you're like - i'm actually fine, babe, even without a partner i am still, like a person and yes of course it would be nice to have a partner but you have established yourself as a person and as an adult in a way that feels really hard-won and well-earned and you're protective of that and of the life you're living and honestly you're pretty happy, all things considered

and at the same time you do have to tell your father that you are single on purpose right now and that, yes, believe it or not, they're letting women be single past the age of 30 these days without burning us at the stake (can you imagine!) and you have to kind of sit pretty while people make jokes about how you're losing your marriageability and you're like, a little too old for the bars and the clubs and whatever but you do still want to go out dancing and it's like. the other day you went to a board game party and had the time of your life and then your mom calls you and says she's worried because what if you never find the one, shouldn't you be spending more time looking? and you're like - trying to balance this place where you're actually, like, perfectly okay? except you hear this thing over and over and over - oh no. that's so sad. i hope you find your lover. and you weren't really upset about it until someone suggested that you're running out of time and until someone said that it's so miserable that you live without someone to kiss and you're like why can't anyone believe that i'm genuinely happy. like. joy. like. bliss.

and then they look at you and they look at their partner and the look passes between them that says - poor thing. you're just lying to yourself about this.

[martian-astro]

Atmakaraka series - Part 1

Atmakaraka is the planet with the highest degree in the birth chart.

Short note : atmakaraka can give good or bad results depending on the strength of the atmakaraka planet.

Atmakaraka in 1st house:-

In this life the person needs to take care of themselves and focus on their own development.

Sun atmakaraka in 1st house- I like this one the most, I have only met 1 person with this placement, and she's so charming. I feel like people just see them as a leader. Sun is in one of the best positions here and people who have this placement definitely have a high self-confidence unless the sun is aspected by a malefic planet. It's also very easy for these people to focus on themselves. (now that I think about it, I really don't remember any celebrity having this placement, or maybe I've just forgotten, I'll have to check again, and then make a separate post about it because people who have it just have this "I know I'm the best" kind of vibe, you know???)

Moon atmakaraka in 1st house - I have noticed that people who have this are very sensitive, they try to hide their feelings but they are unable to do so. You know when you ask someone if they are okay and then they start crying and say "Nope, I'm okay, everything's fine" and you can SEE that they're not fine, that situation reminds me of this placement. People with this should definitely meditate, and Journaling can help too, and share your feelings with your friends or family. You guys need to learn how to control your emotions and deal with them in a healthy way. (also, not to generalise but be careful when dating a guy who has moon atmakaraka in 1st conjunct Mars because one of my friend was dating a guy with it and let's just say he was.... Aggressive)

Mercury Atmakaraka in 1st house - yooo, I'm so jealous of people with this, you know those people who start studying 1 day before an exam and still manage to score 90+, yup its them. I know a person with this placement who always has such "controversial" opinions but when you listen to why he thinks that, they make so much sense, he doesn't say things just to piss people off, he actually does his research and UNDERSTANDS an issue before talking about it. If afflicted, they can be scared to express their opinions because they know that it goes against the majority. I wouldn't say just express your opinions because I know how the world is but rather make friends who have the same opinion as you and talk to them. (it's okay if you hate Colleen Hoover, I'm with you)

Venus atmakaraka in 1st house - I know 3 people with this placement and their fashion sense is just WOW, not just fashion sense but design sense in general. So I know a girl with this placement, and she lives in a super tiny studio apartment but when you enter, it feels like the house is HUGE, because of the way she has designed it, placed the furniture and the colors that she has used. I also see a lot of people saying that people with this are extroverted and love the company of others but I don't think it's true for everyone. The studio apartment girl is super shy, she doesn't like going to parties or interacting with other people, she mostly keeps to herself. If afflicted, these people can have low self esteem and they can wear baggy clothes because they don't feel confident enough to wear the clothes that they really WANT to wear.

Mars atmakaraka in 1st house - so I know a person with this placement (that person is me), who loves playing sports, people who have it can be very athletic and be interested in activities like hiking and trekking, I also know another person who has this placement and she HATES working out, but she also has a very hard time controlling her anger, because there's no outlet, so when she's angry she just starts yelling and hitting people or just starts crying in the middle of nowhere, I used to be like this, but it got better once I started doing muay Thai and fencing, it's because all of my anger was being used in that. They can also feel their blood boiling when reading about social issues and it can make them really angry to read about things that they don't agree with, and listen to people who don't agree with them(like if someone tells me feminism is not needed anymore, I'm resorting to violence because WHAT THE FUCK??)

Jupiter atmakaraka in 1st house - these people are the definition of "mom friend", they are really good at giving advice and they are good at teaching as well, I have noticed. I have a friend who has this placement and she would teach me maths 1 week before the exam because our teachers were shit, and I would always score well because of how nicely she would teach me the concepts. She also convinced her mother to divorce her husband, and she was literally like "If you take this decision, I'll be with you, we'll figure something out don't worry. But if you don't leave him, then I'll leave and you can suffer alone", 💀, this may seem harsh but her mom needed to hear that. They can also unfortunately become the victims of parentification.

Saturn atmakaraka in 1st house - (everyone who has Saturn atmakaraka deserves a hug). They can be very pessimistic and can give up on things very easily, they can feel like no matter how hard they work they never get good results. I know a person with this, who would study SO hard, like stay in the library for HOURS only to get very low marks. I know that Mars is considered a malefic planet but in this case, if your Saturn is in conjunction with Mars then your situation becomes so much better, like no matter how many times you fail, YOU WILL NOT GIVE UP, and then, in the end, Saturn will give the best result because Saturn wants you to never give up, it wants you to fall and fall again but still complete the race and Mars, in this case, becomes the hand that helps you get up when you fall.

(all pictures are taken from Pinterest, this is not my art)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[kumimi3]

Hii!!

so I've recently stumbled upon one of your works that has been on my mind ever since, And i checked your profile to find taht the requests were open.. so don't mind if i do!

please could you write more Poly gun and goo x reader? If possible Could it be sfw & nsfw?

anyways thank you sm i love your blog!! Take care <3

❪ LOOKISM BOYS <3333333 ❫ ❮   a cutie with two ferocious dogs ⟡ gaming number 2! ↳ gun and goo ii

https:strating.com! (sfw & nsfw)

Oh, they're dominant alright...

Dominant enough to make you feel submissive. The type of men to lead you, attentive and is protective of you

The thing is, they know how capable you are despite you're feminine self, but they remain stubborn and still protect you

not because they see you as "weak" no, no, anything but that! They do it because you're THEIR woman, their babygirl!!!! <3

It's as if both of their minds think alike when it comes to you despite how different they are as a person, if you look closely, you can almost see a more different side of them

The more human side

You actually have a lot of privilege than you think

Gun and Goo both have walls so high no one could achieve it for so many years, until you appeared in their lives, and you broke it down inch by inch until you finally saw them for who they truly are

Corny, i know

Gun is a dedicated man, has a reputation to uphold, stoic and emotionless--Wait! Wait! Is that Gun? With his sweetheart? Watching Barbie? And him wearing pink!? And makeup?!?!

He teaches you Japanese!

Often times he takes advantage of your lack of knowledge with Japanese by speaking to you in his language, secretly using it as a way to be more sentimental and romantic with you

"I love you... Y/n." "Can you repeat what you said? I'll translate it--" "It's nothing." *Kisses you on the forehead before leaving*

Gun is the type to read novels in his free time, HE MUST BE!

Has definitely annotated a book before and slipped it under your bed as a gift while you were sleeping, showing his comments, qoutes highlighted--Ugh, he'd definitely do it for you

Very attentive!!! When you lean down, he puts his hand on the corner of the table so it wouldn't hit you! When you sneeze, he's quick to pull a tissue and hand it to you while talking to someone in front of him

Now, Goo... He's definitely easygoing towards the relationship

Anything you both want, he's game, fr fr

He's the one who cooks for the three of you most of the time, once called you his "Cute little chef" when you decided to help him at the kitchen

If you're the type of sweetheart to vape or smoke--Nope! Now you're not! He'll throw your cigs away the moment he sees it and gives you a scolding while coddling you in his strong arms

"Sugarbunch! You shouldn't be smoking, it's bad for you!" *Pouts as he whines about how bad it'll affect you*

A teaser at it's finest!

Will tease you until the end, but if someone else does it, he's already readying his knuckles for charging, plus with his menacing glare

has slow danced to you at least once when he was feeling romantic at the time, where he's surprisingly quiet as he merely basks in the soft melody from the tv, and your warm presence

UGH, DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE MONEY PART

money, money, money

Gun and Goo have many love languages, but I suppose one thing in common is: GIFT GIVING!

You look, they pay. You touch, they pay. You smile, they pay.

That's it. They don't think too much about how much money of theirs you spend, they can make twice the amount in a week.

Besides, how could they say no to you?

nsfw part (not very detailed, but do be cautious, ps: I'm still new at writing smut sorry jehrbferfe)

They're big. That's it.

Gun and Goo have tremendous amount of work, so at the end of the day, you'd expect rounds of sex the moment they open the door surprisingly quiet

They've fucked you separately most of the time, but gets horny at the thought of fucking you at the same time (which does happen actually)

Sex with Gun is intimate and passionately rough

He holds you possessively as he ruts into you once again for the umpteenth time, eyeing your luscious curves while you whimper at the sensitivity inside of you

"I've fucked you many times... Yet, you still don't seem to get used to it."

His cock is big, who could blame you?

Gun's a genius at making you feel good, wether it's the words he use, or just from his actions--He'd lower his lips close to your ears and speaks to you in a breathy manner, seemingly unfazed at the way you clutch on to his arms for dear life

Hidden praises and faux degradation, you couldn't tell what he would be using, but both styles have definitely made you sigh in pleasure

"Can't you see how much of a slut you look like right now? Heh, keep whining and see where that gets you." "Just like that, hah... Attagirl."

Goo's open to explore new kinks and positions, so expect a box of toys in front of you the moment he locks the bedroom door

Might be into voyeurism... He's a risky guy, after all

Leans more into praises, yet degrades you for a minute just for fun

He's fucked you most of the time through bdsm, but Goo is still a romantic, he'd like rose petals on the floor, low music, and just have a good time

Quite vocal unlike Gun--Who mostly groans--and begins to get louder the more close he gets to his high

"Fuck, you're such a good girl for me, yeah? You're close aren't ya? I know you are, I can feel you down there--Agh~" "'Wonder what Gun thinks if I send him a pic of you looking like a complete whore, ugh baby you're so fucking cute like this!"

[strawberry-milkshake-cow]

Hi! Can I request chuuya, Poe and tecchou night routines with their s/o? :)

Yess! ^^ thank you for the request, I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: none

Night routines with GN! S/o with chuuya, Poe, and tecchou from bsd

Chuuya

I think he stays up pretty late. Be enjoys a good wine and often stays up drinking. so more often than not you had to drag his drunken self off to bed. But on the nights he does decide to go to bed he wouldn't exactly tell you that he wanted to lay down with you. Instead he would only hint at it and get a little annoyed if you didn't take his hint. Yes a little embarresed and has no clue how to ask you. Once you realize what he wants you two go lay down. He defiantly clings to you while he sleeps. He likes breathing in your scent just so he knows your his he finds great comfort in this. Oh and he expects a goodnight kiss every night so you better remember.

"Hey don't you think it's getting late" you hear his voice as he entered the room leaning against the door frame. He looked at you expectantly. "Hm is it? I don't think it's that late" you say looking up from whatever you were doing. "Nope i think it's pretty late, I think you should get your rest...i could join you...i guess" he said a little akward. Then you finally realize what he was aiming for. You smile amused and nod "oh i think you're right! I would love for you to join me" you say with a smile getting up as you lay down on the bed. He holds an arm around you back as you start to feel sleepy. He's looking at You very intensively. You remember to lean over and give him a kiss, he's satisfied and soon fast asleep. Once hes asleep he clings his arms around you like a koala, laying his head on your chest he mutters "love ya"

Poe

I think he often forgets to take care of himself. He often stays up late working on his mystery novels so his sleep scedule is terrible. You'll have to remind him to go to bed when it gets late, because he won't even notice the sun has set outside. When he does realize that he actually is exausted and needs sleep, then he will allow you to lead him back to your shared bedroom. I feel like he would fall asleep very fast cuddling next to you and Karl sleeping on the end of the bed. I also think he would really enjoy if you read some if his novels before bed, Like a little bedtime story when he had trouble with his racing thoughts. All together you really help him out, without you he would stay up all night and probably fall asleep on his desk. So he is very greatful.

"Poe, my love, its 11 pm you've been working all day lets get some rest" you say calmly as you grab his shoulder. He was very focused on his writing so he jumped abit from the sudden contact. He looked over at the clock "oh it seems your right dear...silly me" he said a little embarrassed he got lost in his work again. You smile grabbing his hand you walk to bed, Karl was already fast asleep at the end of the bed. You two lie down he holds you close he was barely awake now as all of todays work came crashing down on him. He mutters in a sleepy tone "thank you my dear, you're always taking care of me... I appreciate it more than you know. Goodnight my love"

Tecchou

I feel like he has a pretty strict scedule he holds himself too as a hunting dog. He knows its very important to have his sleep, so he defiantly has a bedtime. 8:00 pm sharp. He tends to wake up early to go to work. As his s/o don't worry has not unreasonable. He won't force you to follow his scedule. You can stay up later if you like, he won't be upset. If say you can crawl into bed with him at any time and he would wrap his arms around you still fast asleep. He loves it when you stroke his hair as he falls asleep if you do decide to fall asleep at the same time as him. He also likes to listen to your heartbeat and hold you close just so he's sure you're safe and no one can hurt you while your in his arms.

It was about 11 pm when you finally felt tored enough to fall asleep. You quietly enter the room where tecchou was already fast asleep. You climb into the bed and under the covers, once your settled you feel a pair of earls wrap around your waist he rest his head against your shoulder holding you close to his chest. You smile snuggling closer to him "night" you hear him mutter. You were not sure if he was awake or not but you smile giving him a kiss on his forehead before you drift off to sleep.

[argisthebulwark]

Ao3 20 Questions

thank you @kagedbird for the tag!! <3<3 i will tag some friends @daedrabait @miraakswhore @somethingscarlet13 @queerbashir if u wanna participate <3

How many works do you currently have on ao3? Currently 25. holy shit, i thought it was more than that lol

What's your total ao3 word count? 98,336. Used to be like 200k before i cleaned out some old works i didn't care for anymore.

What fandoms do you write for? Skyrim and Star Trek TOS & AOS

What are your top five fics by kudos? Sorry Lass, Make Me Feel Mortal, Don't Shut Me Out, Fascinating, and Destroy Rebuild

Do you respond to comments? Sometimes! Honestly it depends on whether or not i'm online and see them. if i don't respond right away it feels rude to respond weeks after the fact, but for repeat commenters or usernames i recognize i try to!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Idk i used to like to emotionally beat up Jim a lot, so probably one of the short stories where i explore all his traumas

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably Sorry, Lass. I originally wrote it in 2015 and i'm fairly certain it ends with a mushy marriage scene.

Do you get hate on fics? Surprisingly, no. I think i got a few rude comments back when i first started, but honestly everyone's been too kind to me.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Hell yeah brother that's what i do!! I love angsty, emotionally charged smut. my personal favorite to write is angry, hatefuck type of stuff. or when they're using it to avoid talking about feelings.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Not that i've ever posted lmao. I don't usually post non canon compliant fics for whatever fandom i'm working in.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Kinda. a few years ago someone let me know that my work had been reposted to a fic site i don't use and one quick message got them to take it down. Also, i once posted a fic as a one off, forgot that i'd done that, and used the same scene much later in a larger story - and some nice commenter on the original let me know that someone had stolen my idea lmao

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope, never had anyone request that and don't want to do so incorrectly.

Have you ever cowritten a fic? Kind of? an old friend and i used to write separate chapters of our self insert marvel fics and mush them together into one story lol. never posted it anywhere, it was just shared emails and google docs.

What's your all time favorite ship? God, that's hard. probably McKirk. as i've gotten older and unlearned all the internal shame about self inserts it's gotten easier to do a self insert story instead of an established pair.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Every few weeks i pluck away at my regency au Miraak fic. i don't think i'll ever actually finish it because it's just so big in my head it's hard to get on paper, but i hope i do someday.

What are your writing strengths? I'm very comfortable writing sex scenes. I think that often when the author is uncomfortable about writing explicit sex the reader can really feel it in the story and i put in a lot of work to get over those mental hurdles. i've been told i'm good at characterization, which is awesome! i love getting in a character's head!

What are your writing weaknesses? Very often i find myself bogged down with the need to describe every little scene. it's a major reason i haven't posted a longfic in a while - i want to write these big stories but find myself getting lost in the little details. i also have a terrible habit of editing myself while i'm writing, which just gets me stuck in an unproductive loop.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Since i'm only fluent in English, this isn't something i am confident in. i've written in a few fictional languages for fics before but would probably reach out or suggest another author if a reader wanted something that heavily involved this.

First fandom you wrote for? Twilight babey!!! self insert oc to smooch Edward Cullen when i was a little middle schooler!!! i didn't know what fanfiction was but i knew i had a big ol crush on him.

Favorite fic you've written? not to be cringe on main, but most of my favorites are things that never got published. they're the little things still hanging out in my google docs that i go back to over and over. i rewrote all of star trek into darkness word for word just to make bones and jim kiss, i made a self insert just to smooch skurge after hyperfixating on thor ragnarok, and the weird time a few months ago where i wrote like 40k words of a cowboy romance. i read them often and wish that i'd written more on many of them but i do not read my published works.

thanks to anyone who read my rambling lmao. love you all sososo much, thank you for reading my silly little stories and caring about them. <3<3<3

[districtunrest]

20 questions: fic author edition!

tagged by @caesarflickermans :)

how many works do you have on ao3?

12 posted. I've deleted a couple over the years that I wasn't proud of. looking back, I should've orphaned them :/

2. what's your total AO3 word count?

169,931

3. what fandoms do you write for?

mostly the hunger games. I have one that's from the book thief, and one unposted WIP from a:tla.

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

let the memories be good for those who stay

gym class

something of our own

cinderella man

so this is your maverick

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

yes! I like to thank people and reply to their feedback. I love to discuss fic with writers and readers. I leave detailed comments for that reason.

6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

my first one, to have and to hold. (This happens year after year and it will never stop.)

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

cinderella man. (Where Katniss kissed him on his cheek before heading for the forest with her bow feels puckered and hot (sunburned), tingling. Happy. He thinks it's a good look for him.)

8. do you get hate on fics?

not hate but I've had criticism over some Gale-related parts of SOO. just as well, I am now very self-conscious about that part of the story. 😀

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

not really, or not explicitly. I appreciate when sexual content is more emotion-focused (good or bad) and character-driven and adds to the story. I skim/skip explicit content in my own reading so I definitely don't care to write it myself. I don't think I'd be very good at it, either; I am very clinical about the body.

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

I've written one, and it's so crazy! in a fun, unhinged-teenager way. it's a hunger games/book thief crossover called the callers from the coffin, where Death follows Haymitch over the years in the same way they did Liesel.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

no.

13. have you ever cowritten a fic before?

nope. and for good reason - I'd be terrible at that, between being a bit of a control freak and having an inconsistent writing schedule.

14. what's your all-time favorite ship?

zutara (to the point where I can never write it and am honestly so picky when it comes to reading it)

15. what's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

so this is your maverick ought to have a second part but I just don't know if I'll ever get around to it.

16. what are your writing strengths?

punctuation and grammar lmao as well as writing naturally paced dialogue. I prioritize good/accurate characterization in fanfic, but I won't say that's an actual strength of mine.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

my confidence, first and foremost lol.

also, I really have to pare down my rough drafts. I do a lot of hand-holding without realizing, even though I love to read between the lines and infer when I read other people's work. but I worry I don't write as masterfully to be able to do that well.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

fun to read! not fun to write extensively, and so I don't. the most I've done is have Rudy in let the memories be good for those who stay say ja or other words that were italicized/isolated in the original text. I try to follow the rules of the original text. otherwise, I'd just say 'spoke in X language' but continue on in English.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

a:tla, on nickelodeon forums 💀

20. favorite fic you've ever written?

that's hard! I am really having fun with something of our own, so that one.

tagging: any mutual or follower of mine who hasn't yet!!

[abronzeagegod]

ETS WIP Chapter 12: Here's The Problem, It's a Big One

[first]|[more]

"How do you know I'm the real one?" Aeth asked Lyta as they looked down at the dead body of the nightmare.

Lyta looked at Aeth. "Really?"

"There are weirder things out there. I can be anyone! Anything!"

"There's only one of you and you're it."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because the Aeth I know and love doesn't have a body that looks like a shed skin and eat and consume people. And you came first."

"But-"

Lyta cut off their existential crisis with pure, simple, concrete statement. "You are you. That's how it works. This thing is not you because it couldn't be by virtue of being itself."

"What?"

"Exactly," Lyta said firmly.

"But-"

"Nope."

Aeth clearly wasn't allowed to have a moment of self-doubt with Lyta around. Not about their nightmares becoming them.

"Why is my apartment so cold and covered in snow?"

Lyta finally faltered. "That's a longer story."

Several minutes later when Aeth had recovered enough and get into a shower, with Lyta outside cleaning up she explained.

"My magic font was all rage and vengeance and with this Swwarm app doing something weird to everyone is was super mad, I was super mad, and I was basically overflowing with magic. When I finally snapped out of whatever was happening I raced over here," Lyta explained as she tried, and failed, to mop the snow up.

"Why did you choose rage and vengeance?" Aeth asked loudly from within the shower.

"I didn't really, I built a font and kind of had to figure it out."

"Why is your rage cold?"

"Look, we can get into this all day later, and I'm happy to talk about this with you, but there's a whole thing with this App that seems terrible and I'm covered in magic power, and your nightmare got out. This all feels bad."

"I was looking into it before... everything," Aeth said as they finally turned the shower off.

"What did you find out?" Lyta asked from her position outside the bathroom door. She had given up trying to clean up the snow. She hadn't fully managed to desummon her sword and it wasn't helping so she just kind of gave up and leaned against the wall outside Aeth's bathroom.

Aeth exited the bathroom with a towel around their head and a fluffy bathrobe on. Whatever they said was lost on Lyta.

Even though it wasn't an especially sexy look, or anything even remotely revealing, Lyta was still a bit stunned. Aeth was here, they were back, they were looking cleaned and better, and that made Lyta so inexplicably happy.

"What? Do I have something on my face still?"

"No. You look fine. I'm just happy to see you."

Aeth moved quickly into their room because suddenly they felt very hot despite the freezing temperatures in the apartment. "As I was saying. I went looking into the app and it's all very suspicious."

"Suspicious how?"

"It basically has no listed creator, team, company, or anything that would indicate it was actually an app that was made."

"As opposed to what?"

"A virus."

"To like harvest data or something?"

There was silence before Aeth came out in their favorite worn overalls and black tank top. "This is my new crazy idea, so hear me out."

"Always."

"I think this app is a ritual, something to make people tense and on edge."

Lyta stopped to consider it, and to consider Aeth. "For what purpose?"

"Chaos? Maybe? Or to feed off our anger or something."

Lyta frowned, "I don't know this feels like we're missing something."

"I have notes I was making, some of them are still open on my phone."

"You remember what they were?"

Aeth shook their head. "I don't everything has been a bit fuzzy the last couple of days."

Lyta frowned. "Just be careful. I still have a terrible feeling about this whole thing."

Aeth went to find their phone, itself a small task, since 3812 didn't use the thing and Aeth couldn't remember where they left it since the whole vent started. When they did eventually find it underneath the the dining room table.

They reached for their phone, put in their password, and things immediately went wrong.

A purple-pink tentacle reached out of the phone screen and swiped at Aeth.

They quickly dropped the phone as the tentacle drew blood. The moment the phone hit the floor another three tentacles drew themselves out of the phone screen and started to flail around madly to prevent anyone from getting close.

Lyta, without thinking, summoned and threw a frozen spear at the phone. The fractal blade cut the device in half and embedded itself in the floor.

"What the hell?" Lyta asked.

Aeth rubbed the back of their hand. The cut wasn't that bad. Their heart was pounding though, and wasn't showing any signs of slowing down.

"What do we do now?" Lyta asked. "Is there somewhere we can go? Someone we can talk to? This is getting so far out of hand that I don't even know what to do."

"I have one idea. It might not be the best idea though."

"Am I going to hate this?"

"No. But it might be awkward."

Several minutes later, and inside of Lyta's car, that mercifully hadn't been ticketed or towed, Aeth gave their friend directions.

The drive was the opposite of pleasant. It was deeply terrible actually. More so than usual it felt like no one was able to drive. The road rage was heightened and Lyta was holding on to the wheel with both hands and a grip that could crush glass.

They were cut off constantly, with people driving recklessly and distracted.

Lyta's grip on her anger was tenuous at best, if it wasn't for Aeth being next to her she might have lost it and succumbed back to the anger spiral.

The drive took entirely too much time, but they finally made it.

Their destination was a small, cozy looking house. It felt like a home.

A small child runs out of the house to greet them as Lyta parked the car in front.

"Hey!" she screams in the bright voice of a happy child that can only communicate the sheer level of happiness via screaming. "Sir Lance Corporal wanted to see you! He's gonna be so excited to see you!"

"What the fuck is happening?" Lyta whispered to Aeth.

"It's a very long story, but this is a place where we might be able to get something to help us out."

i have a kofi if you'd like to leave a tip to encourage me to write more

[verndusk]

15 Questions - 15 Mutuals

Thank you so much @freesia-writes for the tag!

I guess this is a good opportunity to introduce myself and give a little bit about me since I never really did, haha. Not intended to be so secretive - but also not used to sharing so much on social media! So the answers to the questions are below!

Were you named after anyone?

Yes! I'd rather not reveal my legal name but I was named after a Polish jouralist, writer, and traveller! When it comes to the name Vern - the story behind that is a little funny, at least to me! I was browsing chickensmoothie.com and noticed a pet with a randomly chosen name "Verndesk" - thought it was cool, but also thought "Verndusk" would sound a lot cooler! And it does, so that's that. :)

When was the last time you cried?

Ah, a few days ago. I was imagning scenarions between my OC's. Specfically the padawan Towa, she survives order 66 but at the cost of her master, as it typically goes. She survives alone for years, living in shame and fear - until she sees one of the clones from her squad who defected. They're my babies, okay? I can get emotional over them... (T⌓T)

Do you have kids?

Nope! I am 19 and can barely take care of myself, no thank you! Though my mother and grandmother had their first child at 20... looks like some family patterns will be broken!

Do you use sarcasm?

Yeah... It's a little counterintuitive for myself since I have a hard time figuring out when other people are sarcastic to me - but I love to dish out some sarcasm. oops.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Is "the vibe" a valid answer? I actually try not to look at people and avoid them when I can, my autistic ass hates (irl) social interaction when it's not needed.

What’s your eye color?

I have slight heterochromia, both my eyes are mostly green, but one is paler than the other - though it's not really noticable unless you look at me closely... it runs in the family actually!

Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings! I can handle horror okay but I prefer a good resolution at the end.

Any special talents?

I guess that depends on what "special talent" entails? I can move my ears, and bend my fingers up in a funny unnatural way. Does remembering obscure knowledge aboun niche subjects count as a talent?

Where were you born?

Poland!

What are your hobbies?

Art (kind of obvious), cooking, gardening, gaming, and writing!

Have any pets?

My cat Poppy, she's 2 and I love her with all my heart. She's a little bitch but it's not her fault. We got her as a kitten, and my whole family has been smitten by her! She's a void kitty! Fun fact, I named her after the poppy flower because her fur is black like poppy seeds, she wears red collars like poppy flowers, and has green eyes like poppy stems - also born in November (1st), which in the UK is known for it's poppies in rememberance of veterans. :)

What sports do/have you played?

Not many... dyspraxia be damned! But I did enjoy cricket and badmintom at school - I love watching volleyball games from time to time though!

How tall are you?

5''4 :)

Favorite subject at school?

Art, History, Psychology, Criminology! I can't pick just one, honestly!

Dream job?

Psychologist! Planning to go to university after this gap year to study psychology - hopefully become a therapist in the future. I would love to work with younger people especially, since I know that was the age I was most affected by my mental health, and would follow in the footsteps of my own therapist that I had when I was a teenager. I want to be the person my younger self would have needed.

________

I don't think I actually have 15 mutuals to tag, so if you see this and are mutuals with @swarovski-yoda (that's my main haha), feel free to also participate! I am very bad at tagging games (especially on twitter) and inbox chains but I do see and appreciate all of them!

[xxktnexx]

Last Kill Do Us Part

DESCRIPTION:

Being abandoned as a child and getting adopted under an organization instead of an actual home, mold Y/N for who she is now. 

A ruthless assassin.

She grew up from countless training, classes and test to be one of the best in her peers.

The goal? To be on top. To be useful by eradicating the trashes of the community.

To feed her self worth. To feel alive.

Missions (Labors) was always top of her priority. Always seeking the best result and at the same time enjoy it.

But sometimes, things just became too stressful and heavy. Too chaotic and tough.

Too demanding of her.

And when she want to let off some steam, the next thing she knew she has Chanyeol for company.

A  senior colleague who she knew ever since.

Someone who meets her needs perfectly and someone who's needs she can also satisfy. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a short story with Chanyeol x You pairing.

Each chapter's scenarios would mostly touch different timeline, unless indicated otherwise. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHAPTER 1

I never wanted this job. But it was all I grew up with.

It was all I knew how to do. 

It was all what I was trained to do.

"Just like that baby. Do it faster. You're making this huge dick rock hard."

'Eww such a narcissist.'

I know I'm not in place to be disgusted when I'm the one currently doing something nasty.

Yes, I'm giving someone a handjob right now. But it was all for work.

“Ahh.” He panted when I squeezed tighter. “P-put it in your –mouth.” He said between breaths.

“Nope. You want my little mouth around this dick, you should earn it.” Sorry but I never give heads to just anyone.

I fasten my pace, feeling the growing pain in my wrist.

"Shiiit. I can't take it anymore. I need you right now." He said as he grabbed me and pinned me on his bed.

He slide his dick up and down over my pussy lips before I felt his head kiss my entrance.

"Wait, use the condom."

"I want to feel you raw--"

I didn't wait for him to say more and just grab the sachet in my purse, ripped it open and rolled the latex over his length.

"You have to kill me first if you wanted to fuck me raw." I moaned over his ear and lightly bit on it.

"That's too much of a price don't you think?"

"Not really. That's more than enough."

He pushed in without hesitation and groaned from my tightness. I on the other hand gasp in discomfort but expertly covered it with a moan.

He was not huge, I tell you. He was not small either. Maybe less than average?

Nonetheless it still made me feel the sting.

Who would not? 

I wasn't wet enough. The guy can barely turn someone on.

Or maybe I'm just not into him to be turned on.

Good thing for him, he has the looks.

"Fuck, you feel so good." He moans and squeezes my left breast while leaning closer to kiss me.

I turned my head away just in time his lips landed on my cheeks. I don't know if he noticed and I don't care that I didn't want to kiss him.

Instead I grabbed the back of his head and bared my neck for him to feast on.

He started to thrust his hips on me. Steady at first and then gradually increasing in speed.

And I started to feel good. Not bad, not great. Just good. Enough for me to feel pleasure.

Still it wasn't enough.

'I needed more.'

I moaned a loud one just to flatter his ego. "More." 

“Do you want it harder, hm?” He whispers as he slows down.

I nod in response.

YES! I want it faster and harder. I wanted to get off.

That’s the only reason why I’m spreading my legs right now instead of doing the thing I came here to do.

He slammed his length harder this time. Well, his poor attempt of hard.

I already experienced to be fucked hard and good. The kind where you can feel like his dick knocking behind your throat.

The kind where you can feel your legs shake in ecstasy. The kind where it would leave you feeling sore and dishevelled the next morning.

To have your pussy beaten up like it deserves to. And this was not it.

Nope, not like the way he fuck me.

Anyhow, I crunch my brows in concentration. Looking for that delicious finish line.

I felt the knot in my stomach wanting to undone and I bit my lip as I rocked my hips to meet his.

But the action didn’t do me any good when he suddenly said,

“Shit, I’m going to cum.”

DON’T YOU DARE CUM BEFORE ME.

My mind shouted.

“Let me finish first.” I said– more like a command.

Now closing my eyes, my hand snaking between our bodies and started to play with my clit.

“Can’t… You feel so good. I can’t stop. Ahhh.” His hips stutter as he tips himself to orgasm on his own.

I continue my hip work, hoping to get off with him. The motherfucker is really good for nothing.

But just when I felt him burst inside me, a silenced bang rings in my ears.

I saw how the bullet pierced his left temple and exited on the other side.

His blood splashing on the bed and some on me.

In an instance, I grab the gun under the pillow and point it to the direction the bullet came from.

My gun is steady and ready to shoot by the time I felt the dead guy’s body slump over me.

He is still very much inside of me and still ejaculating.

I never knew a corpse could do that.

My sight zeroed to a figure sitting on the armchair.

He was wearing all black. From his cap, facemask, leathered jacket, pants to his shoes.

Our eyes meet and finally recognized the man.

His eyes, and body built gave him away. Not to mention his peculiar ears poking out.

“He was my fucking target Park Chanyeol.” I growled out still pointing at him with my gun.

Feeling frustrated that my kill was stolen under my nose, but most probably I didn’t have my release.

He chuckled.

His voice dangerously low. This is a thing about him, even if how excellent I am at reading people, I just can’t read this guy.

He's hella good at masking his intentions and suppressing his emotions.

“I know he's yours.”

“Then why?”

.

.

A long silence settles then, “He annoys me.”

“Wow. You really still are a jerk.” Rolling my eyes as I dropped the gun and pushed the man off of me.

His dick slipped out of me and I unconsciously moaned a little.

A loud ‘Tsk’ resonates in the room.

I glared daggers at him, “What? Are you offended to be called a jerk when it’s a fact?”

I stood up, took wet wipes by the nightstand and wiped the remnants of blood that was over me.

I gathered my stuff and put my clothes on one by one. I took a small spray bottle inside my purse and went near the corpse and sprayed the liquid over him.

This was invented by the organisation to erase any DNA left on the body. I also sprayed some on the parts of the room that I touched just to make sure. 

Chanyeol thankfully didn’t do anything and let me work in silence.

Well, except for the persistent stare that followed my every action. 

“You know what? For all the times you could have shot him, why did you timed it before I could cum?” I grumbled at him in annoyance.

This only earned me a boyish chuckle from him.

I glared at him.

He was now leaning on his right hand while his index finger rubs his bottom lip.

I know he looks very attractive but he’s a dick. 

“I really fucking hate you” I said as I turn to the nightstand and picked up my cigarette buds, putting it in a clear ziplock.

I felt his looming presence behind me. His 189 cm height made me feel like a dwarf but I ignored him and continued what I was doing.

He leaned over me, his lips ghosted over my nape.

He didn’t plant a kiss or anything, he just hovered leaving goosebumps on its wake and then proceeded to whisper in my ear.

“Hmmm, really?” He twirls me around and makes me face him, hands on my hips.

“Well, it doesn’t really matter.” He grins.

I sigh and say, “What do you want, Chanyeol? Why are you even here?”

“I have a target around the area. The Date of Rest is still a couple hours away, since I knew you have a mission here, I decided to drop by to kill time.”

“Time wasn’t the only thing you killed, my target too. Maybe I should kill yours, to make it even.” I scoff at him.

“Sure, if that would make you feel better. Besides, your target was supposed to be dead half an hour ago. I didn’t expect you’d play with it.”

“Who I fuck is none of your business.” My voice was coated with annoyance.

Chanyeol leaned down more to eye-level with me. His lips painted with a smirk.

“Were you that sexually frustrated just because I wasn’t here for months?”

It was my turn to chuckle now.

“Get down on your high horse, Park Chanyeol. Your dick wasn’t the only thing I could ride. I had my fair share of fun when you’re away.

This is just one of them.” I tilted my head towards the dead body on the bed.

He growled, and the next thing I knew I was pinned on the wall.

Chanyeol kissed me like his life depended on it. I kept my lips sealed just to pissed him off.

And by the way his hand enclosed my neck I knew I succeeded. His grip tightened around my neck leaving me no choice but to gasp for air.

He took the chance and snake his tongue to caress my mine. Feeling every nook and cranny of my wet cavern.

The kiss was hard and hungry. Seeking to prove something.

Shit, I really love this kind of making out.

I moaned and put my arms around his neck, raking my fingers along his soft locks. I can feel him smiling as we kiss.

I bit his lower lip and sucked on it and was rewarded with a groan from him.

My feet were dangling as Chanyeol pinned me using his body.

I enclose my legs around his hips giving him the perfect angle to grind his hardened member.

We both moaned in appreciation.

I felt his right hand, that was just squeezing my thigh a while ago, caress its way up. Running from my hip to waist and gave my boob a fine squeeze.

I thought he would stay there, to play with my mounds for a moment but was proven wrong when his hand travelled south.

He pulled the hem of my tight dress up and made his way inside my underwear, into my already moist core.

He traces his middle finger along my folds a few times and groaned at the feeling of my wetness, “Fuck, you’re so damn wet.”

He rubs it a few times more before he decides to push his middle finger inside.

“Ahhh.” I moan 

“God, you’re practically leaking. Please tell me this is because of me and not because of your little play earlier.” 

I grinned, mischief not leaving my eyes. “ I wonder ‘bout that.” Grinding my core towards his finger.

He didn't bite back, instead he added another two fingers inside me making me gasp.

“Oh my God.” I whisper yell.

“Yeah.” He smiled. “Yeah, I think I’m the reason.”

But his smile disappear as quick as it came and turned serious as he looked down at his own fingers.

Lewdly vanishing and reappearing inside me, all coated with my arousal.

Glistening so erotically like it’s begging to be licked clean.

He breathes out an appreciative sigh before looking back up at my face.

His lower lips now in between his teeth. His eyes were now much darker with lust.

I freakin’ love-hate how he’s so good with his fingers and at eye-fucking me. The man can matter of fact just stay still, fuck me with his eyes and I’d still cum.

He was already doing real good, great actually but then he curled his finger up doing the ‘beckoning sign’. Making his callus finger pads brush that particular gummy area that makes me see stars. I thought I would pass out.

My face must have contorted in ecstasy, eyes rolling up and with strings of profanities slip my lips.

I barely saw how Chanyeol’s lips broke into an evil grin. Ignoring how I hit his shoulder and grip on it tightly. Surely it will leave a hand mark.

“Ah, there you are.” He whispers.

“Please. Please don’t stop. Please make me cum.”

“With pleasure my lady.” 

Thank God, he did what he was told. He angled his finger towards my g-spot and rubbed the area like a pet who did a good job. He kissed me to stop any sound that wanted to run loose.

His rough palm pressed on my clit, adding additional friction that’s driving me insane.

My legs are now shaking and I’m afraid that it may give out when I reach the peak.

Chanyeol’s hand was getting rougher and rougher. Living up to his usual promise of fucking me hard and good.

The squelching sound that my pussy was making is embarrassing, well if I am in my right mind right now it would be.

But I'm not, instead the sound made me aware on how wet I have become and was making me hornier.

“Let go, my hot little slayer... Cum for me.” His husky voice ordered and who am I to say no?

One more good stroke is all it takes. I clench down on his fingers like how I strangle my targets to death and release the euphoric knot that was begging to let loose since earlier.

My orgasm hit me so hard that my leg shook but I fought through it and refused to give in. 

Chanyeol didn’t stop his actions and fingered me through my orgasm. 

“Ha, ha. Fuck.” I was panting hard.

My eyes stayed closed as I came down to my high. I felt Chanyeol’s lips trace my shoulder blade to my neck and cheeks. Leaving small pecks.

“Excellent job my lady.” He said and kissed my forehead.

Hey, isn't that too affectionate?

But I was too tired to say anything. And looks like Chanyeol doesn’t mind it either as he continued giving out small kisses.

The knocks on the door snap us away from whatever atmosphere we’re currently in.

“Sorry to disturb you sir but it’s time to leave.”

We both looked at the closed piece of wood and to each other. Silent agreement being made.

“Sir? I’m so sorry about this but we really have to go. Excuse me, I’ll be entering.” Said the guy from the other side of the door.

We took that as a que, I grabbed my things and evidence and hurriedly made our way to the window. I climbed out first followed by Chanyeol.

“Let’s part ways here.” I said as I peered down the emergency staircase.

“You better—.” My words stopped mid way when I turned towards the giant man and was given a quick kiss that took me by surprise.

“What the fuck was that for?” I rub my lips with the back of my hand.

He just smiled at me innocently. Innocent my ass, when in fact this guy can kill men and women with just his bare hands.

I roll my eyes at him. “You know what, whatever. I’m out.”

I said as I started to climb down the side of the metal bars. I was 3 feet down when I heard his low voice once again.

“Hey.” 

It made me look up. He was leaning down against the railing facing me.

I saw how he brought his fingers, the once he used to fuck me, and put the middle and index finger inside his mouth. Give it one good suck and pull it out with a lewd pop.

“Still tastes as good as ever.” He said silently enough for me to hear.

Heat creeps on my face and to my ears, thank God it was so dark to notice.

“Fuck you, Park Chanyeol.” I whisper-shout in embarrassment.

He only smirks at me, “Later for sure, baby.”

I didn’t manage to reply back when we heard the commotion from the room we just climbed out from.

Looks like they found the body.

I barely saw Chanyeol throw me a look before completely disappearing. And just like how I usually do it, I too manage to escape without problem. My feet made a faint ‘thud’ when I jumped down the rest of the way. I casually put my bonnet on, making sure to hide all my hair under it.

I’ve done this a hundred, if not a thousand times that it came so naturally, not even a sign of hesitation. 

Maybe the only discomfort I have was the excess trembles I’m still feeling on my limbs, that breathtaking orgasm did me good. Not to mention the slick between my legs, a remnant of our fun earlier, was totally adding to the uneasiness.

Nevertheless I walked naturally like I was just some passer by. And from a few blocks from the target location, I turn to a dark alley and disappear into the night.

[mbti-notes]

I feel overwhelmed. And i feel like I’m getting worse. I’ve tried therapy before. It really helped me, but a bit later I felt like i was discovering more and more issues so I stoped. (Kind of run away). I feel like now I’m ready, even if I’ll discover new problems. However, I wonder if it’s better to take this journey a lone to not be dependent on a therapist, but then i feel like this decision is coming from my social anxiety and I’m afraid of even the therapist. (Infp)

[Anon #2: I read once that “taking therapy” or “asking for help” whenever you feel bad, can result in you being a weak human. I wonder what’s your perspective on this? I’m experiencing symptoms that (from my knowledge in psychology) can be considered an issue. I’m thinking about going to therapy but I’m afraid it will result in me never being capable or independent. In fact, one of the things that i want to discuss in therapy is my fear that I’m not capable/independent enough.]

Imagine someone needing heart surgery wondering whether they should try performing it themselves. If in the end they chose to go to the hospital for surgery, would you call them "weak" and too "dependent" on the doctor? That would be a very twisted take, likely the result of misinformation or brainwashing.

For Te types to obsess about "dependence" or "weakness" is an indication of unhealthy Te that needs to be addressed with proper Fi development (refer to the Type Dev Guide). But all people at a low level of ego development are preoccupied with their self-image and wanting to see themselves as "strong" and capable vs "weak" and vulnerable. Misplaced pride results in self-sabotage though, as they stubbornly refuse to address their mental health needs and then suffer negative consequences. Just like some physical illnesses, the longer you leave mental health issues unaddressed, the more you allow them opportunity to fester and worsen.

It's not a shame to need help. It actually takes a strong person to confront the reality of their situation and admit their problems. You aren't born knowing everything and you don't always have opportunity to learn all the knowledge you need in life. And even if you have knowledge, it's not always enough. Even a doctor cannot operate on themselves. There are some things you simply cannot do on your own. And there are some things you shouldn't do on your own even if you could, because you'd waste too much time and energy reinventing the wheel when there are already better and more efficient paths available to you. Believing in the myth that independence=alone leads many people to waste their life away barely surviving when they could be thriving instead.

Therapy isn't about being "dependent" but about learning. Wanting to learn and better yourself isn't a weakness but an affirmation of your humanity, of how important it is to live your life well. Needing a guide or teacher isn't dependence but an efficiency. Besides, therapists are trained to spot dependence issues and work with you to address them properly. It is part of a therapist's mission to make themselves obsolete to you at some point, once you've learned the right knowledge, skills, and methods of caring well for yourself. Is the therapeutic process perfect? Nope. But imperfection doesn't mean there aren't still many benefits to be obtained.

[valleynix]

Hello nice to see you again I'm here wondering could we get some more reader and Cassandra excerpts or HCs about her also I'm your biggest fan and I called off work tomorrow bc I want to reread TPtM 🧎

ayo twins! i didn't go into work so i could write TPtM (#mentallyillthings)

i can provide some HCs because i, unfortunately, haven't had the time to write anything else about her </3

when Cassandra likes someone (very rare chance), it is a very slow process

i imagine it's a little harder for her to fully understand her feelings and come to terms with the fact she's letting someone into her heart

she puts on this face of being so strong and capable of anything thrown her way, of being the cold and calculating daughter she thinks Alcina wants her to be

so, it's very hard for her when she feels something fluttering in her stomach upon seeing that special someone smiling at her without fear

(she is such a gay little dork and i love her so much <3)

assuming she's kind enough to share her sleeping space, she will lay on top of you like a weighted blanket

she's the most "playful" of her sisters, and that translates to her being a little shit and annoying anyone she cares about (in a loving way)

she... actually likes cuddling, much as she might whine and complain about it, the big baby

her love language is gift-giving

(and you know she REALLY likes someone when she gives them a handmade weapon of hers)

if Bela teases her about being slightly shorter, Cassandra will snap back with something about how she's the better huntress

(which results in them not speaking to each other for like a week)

she's very stubborn and (kind of) set in her ways; she'll hear someone else's point of view out, but she'll be grumpy the entire time

she is... potentially... a little overprotective of Daniela. someone looked at her little sister wrong? suddenly, they no longer have a hand (or life, depending on her mood)

Cassandra has the most self-control of her sisters

that being said, her moods can also change rather quickly, but she feels them deeply

she spends a lot of her time in the cellar experimenting on prisoners or disobedient maids. totally not because Miranda has threatened to starve them if they didn't succeed, something she wasn't supposed to hear but has tried to prevent since

just don't tell anyone

she doesn't care about her family. nope. not at all. she's Cassandra Dimitrescu, after all

(she is such a softie for her family)

it's very rare for her to seek out the comfort of anyone, but there have been times (and will be more in the future) where she does look for someone to comfort her after a Cadou-induced nightmare

she doesn't have those often, but they are rather intense when she does

assuming she's able to, Cassandra will leave a mark (either lipstick stain or bite) wherever her mouth can reach on her partner. what can she say? she likes seeing those same marks later

assume that she is in love with someone if she invites them hunting with her

she does get excited and maybe a little aggressive easily, but her sadism does not mean she won't listen when her partner doesn't want to do something

Alcina raised her girls right and i stand by that

as a final note, Cassandra once went back to her old home in the village and couldn't understand why her dead heart twisted upon seeing the destruction within

she tried asking both Alcina and Bela about it, if they knew anything, and when both told her no, she spent the rest of the week down in the cellar, picking apart the same man

maybe, one day, she will understand her little moments of hatred for Bela or that instinctual tug she feels in her chest to protect Daniela with her life

for the moment, though, she will pretend nothing is out of the ordinary

[sunnyie-eve]

12 | It's not her

Series: Indispensable | Teen Wolf

Paring:  (Stiles Stilinski x OFC Martin)

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: Might be a few mistakes

| MASTERLIST |

~~~

"Julia." Lydia calls me as I walk into the house. 

"Yes?" I walk into her room to see she's been crying. 

"Can we talk?" She asks so I take a seat on her bed. 

"Sure." I tell her. 

"What's going on with me? I feel like I'm going crazy? I keep seeing things" She breaks down. 

"Start from the beginning, Lydia." I pat her knee. 

"You know I wondered around naked in the woods... I keep seeing Peter Hale at school then ice rink under the ice. Then I punch a mirror without knowing. Mom and Dad are making me see the guidance counselor now." She cries to me. 

"Wait, you're getting visions of Peter?" I ask her confused. 

"I don't know why. But it feels like he's actually in front of me." She tells me but I didn't know what to say.

I had no idea if she was just really traumatized or her Banshee was going now and he somehow was getting to her. "It'll stop after sometime. You went through a lot." I just tell her. 

"You know, how you seem crazy at times... have you ever experienced seeing things?" She asks me. 

"Never but I've experienced different crazy things." I sigh. 

"Thank you for listening to me. I'm sorry I've always made fun of you for acting like this." She gives me a hug. 

"It's okay and of course. You're still my sister Lydia. I miss our talks." I hug her back. 

"Me too." She squeezes me. 

"Get some rest or you'll look a mess tomorrow morning." I kiss her forehead getting up. 

"Love you Julia." She smiles. 

"Love you too."

This morning Lydia gave me a ride to school and was gossiping to me but I wasn't listening because I didn't care. "You have no idea what I'm saying do you?" She turns to me. 

"Nope." I give her a smile. 

"There's my sister." She giggles walking ahead of me. 

"You look nice today." I hear Isaac's voice. 

"You're back? I thought you were still-," 

He cuts me off, "Jackson's story sorta changed after some talking..." He lets out a cocky chuckle. 

"Well, I mean that's sorta good... for you of course. I mean, you didn't kill your father and no longer have to be looked at." I say eyeing him.

"Like what you see?" He smirks stepping slightly closer to me. 

"New look. The bite gave you some confidence I see." I look up at him. 

"Yeah, I don't feel as weak anymore. It's nice." 

I just nod my head, "Well, Mr. cool guy, we still have class to get to. Or are you too bad ass for that now?" I cross my arms. 

"I like the attitude. It's new." He steps closer making me step back. 

"No, it's not. You just don't know me personally." I turn to walk to class and he follows closely. 

"You've never used that attitude here at school before. You've always been quite and awkward. Why suddenly show your true self." He bends down some. 

"I've noticed being friends with Scott and Stiles, I'm more open now." I look at him. 

"I like seeing who Julia Martin really is." He nudges me.

"How's the other Martin sister? Still a snake? Or is she acting slightly different?" He makes me stop walking. 

"Why exactly are you talking to me? And why suddenly start asking me questions about Lydia?" I tilt my head confused. 

"Just curious like Derek." He walk into the classroom. 

"Like Derek?" I say to myself then go in taking my seat behind him leaning forward. "Why is Derek curious about my sister?" I ask him. 

"She was bit by an alpha and didn't turn into a werewolf. Aren't you curious too?" He turns to face me leaning on my desk as well making me lean back some.

"No because in the past I was bit by an alpha too when I was 10. I didn't turn into a werewolf." I let him know.

"Why's that?" He narrows his eyes at me. "What are you then?" The corner of his mouth goes up.

"None of your business but my sister isn't a Kanima. I know that's 100% true because I'm not one, Isaac. And let me add... If you're thinking about testing the venom on her... it's not gonna work if she's what I am. It didn't work on me. Maybe Derek forgot that part from the pool." I narrow my eyes at him.

"Julia Martin, people don't know what they're missing." He eyes me before giving me a wink and turning around.

Scott comes in seeing Isaac and stares at him. When Stiles comes in rushing to the the news, Scott tells him we already know.

After class Stiles tells us why he could find online about what a Kanima is. "That thing was not a jaguar." Scott tells him. 

"Yeah, and I'm not exactly a murderer." Stiles tells him as we walk. 

"Yeah, but you did see it kill somebody, which is probably why it tries to kill you. And it's still trying to kill you, and it probably won't stop until you're dead." Scott makes Stiles stop walking for a second. 

"You know, something I really begin to question this friendship." Stiles start to walk again making me laugh. "Shut it." Stiles smacks my arm as we head to class. 

In class when the bell rang, Jackson takes his seat that happened to be beside me. "Hey, testicle left and right, and dick." He calls the boys and me making us look up from our books, "What the hell is a Kanima?" He says making us look back at him.

"All right, listen up. Quick warning before we begin our review. Some of you, like. McCall, might wanna start their own study groups, because tomorrow's midterm is so profoundly difficult, I'm not even too sure I could pass it. Okay, I need a volunteer to answer the first question." Coach tells us. 

I listen to the guys talk and Jackson talks about being paralyzed from the neck down because of Derek. "Do they think it's Lydia?" Stiles asks and I cut Jackson off.

 "Yes. That's what Isaac told me." I lean over to them. 

"I head her name and something about chemistry." Jackson tells them. 

"Jackson! Do you have something you wanna share with the rest of the class?" Coach asks him. "Um, just undying admiration for my...my coach." Jackson lies. 

"That's really kind of you. Now shut up! Shut it! Anybody else?" He walks away and Scott grabs Stiles talking about are they sure it's not Lydia. 

"It's not her!" I whisper yell at them hitting my desk.

"Julia." Coach looks over at me. 

"Sorry." I look away and notice Lydia writing somebody help me over and over in the board with tears. I get up from my seat and walk over to her ignoring coach asking me what I was doing. "Lydia." I carefully touch her and she snaps out of it panicking. 

She turns to look at the board, "It was him again." She whispers to me. 

"Just go back to your seat." I take the chalk from her and put it on the board then go back to my seat. 

For our next class which was chemistry, we had to do rotation experiments and we wanted to stay with Lydia to keep her stare from Erica and Isaac. Turns out the venom didn't work on her either so after class the guys, Allison and me meet up to talk. "Derek's outside waiting for Lydia." Scott tells us. 

"Waiting to kill her?" Allison asks. 

"If he thinks she's the Kanima, then yes, especially after what happened at the pool." Scott says.

"It's not her." Stiles tells him. 

"Stiles, she didn't pass the test, man. Nothing happened." Scott says so Stiles huffs glancing over at me. 

"The Kanima scratch me at the pool and nothing happened to me." I speak up confusing Scott. 

"I was confused too just like she was." Stiles adds. 

"It doesn't matter if it's her or not because Derek thinks it's her. So either we can convince him that he's wrong, or we've gotta figure out a way to protect her." Allison says so I exit the room going outside to find Derek. 

"What makes you think it's Lydia? Because the venom didn't work? Well, it didn't for me. I'm not letting you or your stupid pack kill my sister. She's not some homicidal snake. She's most likely like me but she's getting visions of Peter that are terrifying her." I explain to him but see he doesn't care. "If you hurt her..." I scoff walking off.

"Where did you go?" Stiles sees me as I walk down the hall. 

"Went out to Derek." I keep walking but he grabs my arm pulling me back. 

"You went out there alone?!" He look at me like I was crazy. 

"Yeah, so?" I tell him. 

"What if he hurt you?" His eyes scan my face. 

"He wouldn't." I sigh. 

"You don't know that. You don't know him. He could've had Boyd, Isaac, or Erica hurt you instead." He lists the three. 

"I was nice to Isaac and Erica before they were turned. I doubt they would hurt me." I add. 

"Julia, can you just think what if they did." He sighs.

"Then I would've gotten hurt but I'm not. You can stop worrying about me and worry about Lydia." I remove my arm from him. 

"You're doing it again." He follows me. 

"Doing what?" I ask not looking back at him. 

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." I stop to face him. 

"Well, this time I can because Lydia is the priority. Not me."

Later when school was over we lie to Lydia saying we were having a study group and she was super confused. We all get in Stiles Jeep going to Scott's house and she was still confused especially with Stiles locking up. "Uh, there's been a few break-ins around the neighborhood." He tell her then puts a chair under the door knob making her raise an eyebrow. "And a murder. Yeah, it was bad." He says in the awkward silence making me throw my head back as Jackson takes Lydia away to talk. 

"You couldn't have gone any smoother." I give him a thumbs up. 

"Shut up, please." He gives me a sarcastic smile. 

"Maybe. I'll think about it." I send him a wink. 

"Can you elaborate on why the venom doesn't work on you as well?" Allison speaks up causing us to look at her then at each other. "Do you know something we don't Stiles?" She asks him.

"No, like I said, she was just as confused as well." Stiles lies to her. 

"I don't know how to explain why but it's true." I tell her going to look out the window. 

"How long are you gonna keep your secret from her and Scott?" Stiles stands next to me whispering. 

"I don't know. I just really want to know and understand what I am before... Like why? Why did a bite from an alpha waken this in me? I'd like to understand everything to help Lydia out if she's just like me. I know she's not the Kanima. She might be terrible at times but that much. If it's anyone it's Jackson. Derek bit him and nothing happened to him. What if the venom worked on him because he doesn't know what he is. Like Derek said when it saw it's reflection it didn't know." I sigh keeping my eyes focused on the outside.

"You're probably right but we're all too stupid to even think of that. Plus you always seem to be right... So I believe you." Stiles says so I look at him and slightly smile. 

"That's a first hearing that." I look back out and we the other. "We need Scott." I say so Allison calls him. 

As we wait we keep looking out at them and Allison wanted to call her dad. "Allison. You don't need your dad. You can do this by yourself." I say so she gets her bow. 

"I got an idea. Just shoot one of 'em." Stiles tells her. 

"Are you serious?" She tells him. 

"We told Scott we could protect ourselves, so let's do it. Or at least give it a shot, right? Look, they don't think we're gonna fight, so if one of them gets hit, I guarantee they'll take off. So just shoot one of 'em." He tells her so she asks which one so Stiles says Derek. 

"No, he'll definitely catch the arrow." I tell him. 

"Just shoot one of the other three them." He tells her and she corrects him saying two so we look.

"Where the hell is Isaac?" I ask and he comes up knocking Allison to the side then does the same to Stiles. I grab the chair whacking it in Isaac's back breaking it as Allison rushes to Lydia. 

"That didn't hurt." He turns to face me so Stiles gets a broken piece to hit him with so Isaac knocks him down again. 

"I know what will hurt." I jump onto his back grabbing a handful of his hair yanking hard as I can making him groan in pain. He walks around as I yank in different directions till he backs up into the wall hard hitting my back and my hard making me get off him as Scott shows up kicking his ass. 

"Thanks for helping me." Stiles helps me stand up. 

"No problem." I groan standing up straight as Scott throws the two out so we all head outside with him.

"I think I'm finally getting why you keep refusing me, Scott. You're not an Omega, you're already an Alpha of your own pack. But you know you can't beat me." Derek tells Scott. 

"I can hold you off until the cops get here." Scott says because we all hear hissing above is so we move to see the Kanima. 

"Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" Lydia marches out of the house. 

"It's Jackson." Scott looks off where he went. 

Stiles puts his hand up for a high five told me so I give him one, "Told you you were probably right and I trusted you." He tells me. 

"What?" Scott looks at us. 

"She said a if it's anyone it's Jackson. Derek bit him and nothing happened to him. What if the venom worked on him because he doesn't know what he is. Like Derek said when it saw it's reflection it didn't know." Stiles tells him. 

"Allison, take the sisters home. We got Jackson." Scott tells her so we leave.

We we get to our house I get out wanting to get in the house. "Does my own sister what to tell me what's going on?" Lydia comes into my room. "Derek? Jackson? Erica?" She crosses her arms. 

"I truthfully don't think you're exactly ready to know the truth. You're going through something right now and those three aren't going to be any help. It's very complicated but I will explain everything to you soon." I sigh.

[himbos-hotline]

Name: With tears in your eyes, you begged me to stay Word count: 1183 words Ship: Jay Orton/Adam Cole [ship: bluejays and blowjobs] Characters: Jay Orton, Adam Cole Rating: General Audiences/Teen [kinda on the cusp between both] Prompt: @wrestleprompts prompt week two: It was you the entire time Triggers: Mentions of Sex [no actual smut], mentions of Cole's concussion, panic attacks Authors note: This started out as smut but I got really anxious and I just gave Adam Cole my panic attacks. Still writing trans femme adam cole using he/him pronouns cuz pronouns don't equal gender. I don't think this is my best work/flows right but I'm tired. I might end up editing this/re-writing this but we'll see how this goes Tag list: @ithunderstorm @itsnoosetome @malewifemoxley @kass-the-kitten @melancholycowboy @josiewrites @basil-the-pretty-cowboy @ss-trashboat @ambroseasylum @wrestlezaynia @banannabethchase @bellicosebunny @mrsmatt @racerchix21 and @anairbri and @mistress-omega-majesty

READ ON AO3 [reblogs/yelling in the tags/comments really appreciated]

Gold stole Cole away, onto new horizons and Jay stayed left in the dust. Until, because fate is a bitch who has no self control, the two of them were dragged back together. And they’re friends now. The same familiar pattern between two people whose bodies still know the others. Jay lays her back against the couch, tilts her neck backwards against the leather cushions. “Are you gonna get dressed any time today?”

He’s looking at her from across the small locker room, ankles crossed politely as he pretends to scroll through twitter on his phone. Occasionally, Jay catches his blue eyes flicking down to trace the curve of her chest or across the careful intent of a bite mark, purpled and hidden in a bruise on the curve of her thigh. Jay rolls her ankles and bends the curve of his back, eyes still glued on Adam. They’re meant to be wrestling in less than an hour, a stupid mixed tag match that’s meant to boost their connection. Jay finds that somewhat stupid; She’s taken Cole into her mouth and held him closely as he shook, pleasure blowing his stupidly beautiful blue eyes so wide that Jay feels like they could consume them. A mixed tag match is nothing, he doesn’t even know why the two of them have to tag together, they’ve done it before. It didn't work.

Gold stole Cole away, onto new horizons and Jay stayed left in the dust. Until, because fate is a bitch who has no self control, the two of them were dragged back together. And they’re friends now. The same familiar pattern between two people whose bodies still know the others. Jay lays her back against the couch, tilts her neck backwards against the leather cushions. “Are you gonna get dressed any time today?”

There’s a devious little smile that spreads across Cole’s face, he rolls his chewing gum against the back of his teeth until it's in a small ball, rolling against his tongue. “Nope.” He grins, blowing a bubble. It bursts when Jay drags a ring-worn nail across the sticky circumference and Cole licks at his bottom lip, collecting the tasteless gum back into his mouth. “I think I’m gonna stay right here.” Cole replies after staring down at Jay with a small, twisted frown. One that carries no real emotions other than half-playful stubbornness.

“You’re being such a brat.” Jay grumbles, rolling his eyes. Cole raises an innocently confused eyebrow and shrugs his leather jacket. Jay cocks an eyebrow and gasps when Cole tosses it at her feet. “You wanna play this game?” Cole nods once, turning his eyes back to the TV, the PPV rolls slowly forward and Jay balls his leather jacket between his hands and chucks it back at him, chuckling when Cole squarks out in surprise. “Cmon get dressed!”

Jay flails her hand and Cole shrugs his jacket back on, pouting when Jay pinches at the bridge of her nose. “Do I have to get you dressed? Are you that much of a pillow princess?” The look on Cole’s face makes Jay pause, head tilted and eyes widening in confusion. “You’d like that?” His voice is softer now, reaching up to stroke at Cole’s leg. His hands clasp and unclasp around one another, nails itching against the spaces between his knuckles and Jay presses a kiss to the side of his temple. “I'm sorry for making you uncomfy princess.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t.” Is Cole’s soft reply, leaning his temple against the pleasant chill of his…Jays lip rings. “I’d like not to have to think about that kinda stuff y'know..” His voice is tight and shrill, like someone twirling a guitar string too tight. “Its st-”

Jay silences her with a soft kiss to the bridge of her nose. “It’s not stupid, nothing’s stupid. How about we try it later, yeah?” Cole keeps grabbing at the space between his knuckles, pressing the pads of his fingertips against his knuckles until they shift and pop. Jay knows it’s hurting, at least distantly because Cole’s eyebrows press together every time the small sound echoes around the little locker room. “Hey Cole, look at my baby.” Jay whispers, shifting to sit beside him. “Shh baby, it's just a panic attack. You know how to beat these.” There's promise on her words and once he worms his fingers under Cole’s, she squeezes.

Panic attacks are yet another lasting side effect of Cole’s concussion and one that Jay’s gotten better at dealing with. He muscles Cole onto her lap and lets him curl as small as possible into his little frame. Let’s his body tremble against hers as Jay runs a soothing hand across his spine, promising that it's only temporary. “Just breathe, nice and slow. In and out. There we go, good girl” She whispers, watching how Cole’s teary eyes glance up at her, thanks in his eyes.

The time for their match comes and goes, Jay gets snapped out by the heads who sit at the top of the table and the crowd boo’s and chants for Cole but he stays tangled around Jay, panic- worn body, loose and limber. His eyes are red-rimmed when he glances up at him, an apology dancing on his tongue. Cole opens his mouth and pauses, closing it again.

“What is it baby?” Jay whispers, brushing tears off the apples of his cheeks. He looks down at him, waiting patiently. He’d wait forever for him. He’d walk to the bottom of the underworld and back, like Eurydice and Orpheas, two former lovers bathed in death.

“It’s always been you.” Cole starts in the same small voice he always uses; tired and weak and guilty. “It was you the whole time.” When Jay’s fingers pause against the bottom of his spine, Cole releases a last shuddering breath. “Since NXT. it’s always been you. The one I’ve been thinking of. When I got hurt, it was you. I wanted more than pain meds and a good night's rest and anti sickness. You.” Cole knows he’s rambling but panic has made his tongue uselessly limber in his mouth. “It’s been you the whole time, the one I’ve missed the most.”

Jay's arms wrap around him tighter, pressing the zipper of his jacket into his exposed skin, Cole feels her breathing even out, feels the chill of Jay’s lip rings drag against the crown of his head. “You don't have to miss me now Princess. I’m here.”

“Please don’t leave me alone.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

Jay leans down and presses a soft kiss to his trembling lips. “I’m not leaving.”

Cole raises a clammy hand, sticks out his pinkie and the smile that spreads across Jay’s face seals the promise like wax sealing a love letter. “Pinkie promise?”

Their fingers interlock together and Jay presses a kiss to the side of his palm. “Pinkie promise.” Cole nods, squirms until his face is tucked securely between her collar and jaw and yawns. Jay feels the stubble of his cheek itching her freckled skin pink and relaxes against the leather couch cushions as Cole’s body finally falls limp with sleep, pinkie finger still tangled around theirs.

In the end, The two of them get a fine for skipping out on a PPV. But, back at the hotel, sharing burgers and Cole laying out outfits eagerly for Jay to choose, eyes sparkling with a joy that he hasn’t seen in what feels like forever. Jay knows he’d lose everything for her little princess.

[coquelicoq]

I'm easily summoned by every variation of "ask me about (whatever)" so for the 5 things, can you please answer for Da-Qing who I know just enough about to enjoy your answers, and maybe also Gideon the Ninth?

no pressure but i do look forward to your asks every time! always so delighted when you participate <33

for da qing:

Do you love/hate/not feel strongly about this character? i mean, he's a cat. so obviously i love him. i met a cat yesterday who bit me and she's still the most perfect creature on the planet and i love her to the ends of the earth forever, as is just and proper.

What’s your favorite trait of this character? he's a total slacker motivated only by people making food for him. CAN RELATE.

What’s your favorite moment/event involving this character? when everyone is freaking out about who's going to be in charge while lao zhao is gone and it never occurs to anybody that maybe da qing…the deputy…would be in charge? i love a character who sucks at his job and he knows it and everybody else knows it and they're all like this is our emotional support second-in-command who doesn't do anything except nap in sunbeams. a man after my own heart.

If you could have one power/attribute/etc. of this character, what would it be? not to pick the most obvious thing but he can turn into a cat. well technically he is a cat all the time no matter what he's shaped like, but you know what i mean. i want to be cat-shaped. i want to have a fun bendy spine. i want to make cat noises!

Have you ever pictured this character naked? yes. no. technically. kind of? see other ask.

When did you fall in love/hate with this character? If you don’t have any strong feelings toward them, why not? i don't remember but let's say...the first time he tries and fails to speak Cat to kittens. teeny kittens stumbling around in an alleyway while he dangles a fish on the line in front of them and grouches at them…exquisite. no notes. love a guy with amnesia who's making it everyone else's problem. meanwhile, unless i'm mistaken, cong bo is spying on him like...okay what the actual f. this show is a comedy.

Who’s your OTP for this character? i don't have a romantic otp for him. it's probably best if he stays off the dating market, if he's going to go on dates in that HORRIBLE suit. but obviously brotp with zhao yunlan. the relationship between a boy and the cat who raised him and doesn't remember having pledged eternal fealty to the boy's adult self when he traveled back in time ten thousand years ago is actually something that can be so personal.

for gideon:

Do you love/hate/not feel strongly about this character? i love her. also i would laugh at every single one of her puns.

What’s your favorite trait of this character? very hard question. i think my answer is that i love how sad she is. specifically i love the way that was communicated to us - we saw things through her narration for two books, then the first time we saw her from the outside, not only was she totally fucked up from The Horrors but she was also stripped bare of the obfuscation of her own narration. she's always been sad but she was hiding it from us. i also love her sense of humor and how much she cares about things, but those are both the same as the first thing. runner-up: her angina dentata. yes that's what i'm calling it. as of right now.

What’s your favorite moment/event involving this character? god what kind of question. probably when she takes back over harrow's body to fight the heralds and cannot stop mentioning how little harrow works out.

If you could have one power/attribute/etc. of this character, what would it be? upper arm strength definitely.

Have you ever pictured this character naked? nope.

When did you fall in love/hate with this character? If you don’t have any strong feelings toward them, why not? i don't remember but i'm gonna guess it was either when she didn't know what salad was or when she went ham on that trapdoor because she thought harrow was dead or dying on the other side of it. (she was right.)

Who’s your OTP for this character? wow i do not have an answer. this seems like a gimme of a question but if i really think about it it's actually very hard. i don't know. i don't know!

[fictionkinfessions]

(Warning for a lot of chara-hate, mentions of self-destructive behaviors (cutting and drug/alcohol use), s×icid×l thoughts, bullying, homphobia/transphobia, emotional neglect, and the Colorbars Incident of 1987 and its aftermath, among other things... idk this shift just has me feeling very ranty ig)

You know, Stephanie? I still don't forgive you. I don't care how good your intentions were. I don't care how much you wanted to help. You fucked up in the most spectacular way possible, and now look at where we've ended up.

I stand by everything I said that day. No, it's not that easy to "just stop" doing what I was doing. You just don't know how to think of anyone except for yourself. Think about where I was in life: I had been relentlessly bullied since I was little, most of it being due to the fact that I had the audacity to exist as an openly-gay gnc transmasc person. Whenever I tried to tell my parents about how much I was suffering, they essentially told me I was overreacting and that I should just shut up and take it. You were my only friend, and when you weren't there, the only things I could do to take my mind off of wanting to fucking die were to cut, drink, and smoke the pain away. Chances are, if you were in that spot, you'd find it pretty tough to "just stop", too.

I don't know how I thought you were different from anybody else. Hell, you were worse. At least everyone else didn't pretend to care about me, then weasel their way into my personal business just to give me some holier-than-thou bullshit lecture about how I was bringing everything onto myself. Nope, that was just you. I'll admit that my coping mechanisms were pretty unhealthy, and I actually wanted to stop, but just acting like it's as easy as just... not doing it? That's a lot more than being naive; that's just being an oblvious fucking prick.

And, well, you can see what happened. After you left, I was so desperate for someone to fill that void that I ended up clinging on to someone who I thought actually understood me, and was just as miserable and fed-up with the world as I was. We worked together to create a little revenge plot on everyone, hijacked that national broadcast, and... you know how the rest of the story goes.

My blood is on your hands. How does that make you feel? If you would've just listened to me, none of this would've happened. You're lucky that I was the only one who died; from what I've heard, everyone who watched the broadcast had a few nasty (but mostly superficial) self-inflicted cuts at worst and a hell of a headache at best, and no one remembered any of it. Could you imagine what I would've done if the brainwashing worked like it was supposed to? That would've been thousands of people dead, and millions more would've been injured and/or traumatized. Remember: there was a lot of stuff that led up to this, and I acknowledge that the broadcast was my decision and therefore my fault, but the final straw was you.

Cry all you want, you asshole. It won't make me forgive you, and it sure as hell won't bring me back from the dead. Cry as much as you'd like, but don't you dare get upset if someone tells you to "just stop". It fucking hurts, doesn't it? Doesn't it sound so insensitive and clueless? They don't know your pain, right? They don't know how hard it is for you to cope with how fucking awful the world is, right???

Cry harder, Stephanie. It's too late for you to do anything else. I can't believe you had the audacity to say you were my friend.

-Kennith Simmons