#Also Sam spent 3 times as long in the cage as dean was in hell

[staffs-secret-blog]

Why do we hate John Winchester for literally being a Vietnam war vet with just heaps of trauma on top of his trauma with trauma sauce, who didn't do a great job as a dad for sure. Still he did the best he could with the cards he was dealt.... yet we forgive Sam who literally went to Stanford and spent 15 seasons bitching and moaning about how life's not fair. To his brother who literally spent what felt like lifetimes being tortured in hell to save his sorry ass, lost everyone he ever loved, had a shot at the family of his dreams and had to give it up to keep them safe, AND kept a good attitude about the whole thing?

Honestly? Fuck Sam Winchester right in the bellybutton.

Leave me alone why did you send me this

[ambersock]

Do you know if anyone ever got into how long Soulless was in the cage? We know Sam’s soul was in the cage for at minimum 180 years based on Dean and Alistair’s hell time description, yet if we go based on Sam’s own description it is significantly more (2-3 minutes equating to a week, give or take).

@supamerchant

The show itself never gives us any concrete information about how much Hell time Sam spent in the cage. In 6x14, Sam does say that he felt like the two or three minutes of Earth time felt like "about a week, give or take". But he also said he felt "like I got hit by a... planet", so you could put it down to exaggeration.

Most people tend to apply Dean's time metric (1 month Earth time == 1 year Hell time) to Sam, which would be 180 years. Other people consider time meaningless in the cage, with Lucifer being in control of the flow of time in there and altering Sam's perceptions to however he sees fit. I think people have actually worked out the scale from 6x14, and you're talking millennia.

As for how long Soulless was there before being pulled out, the only information we have is from 6x01 is that Soulless was back for "about a year". So Cas could have pulled him out almost immediately after Dean drove away. Or, if we assume that Cas left with Dean, it could have been right after their conversation in the car, probably a few hours later. Or it could have been a few weeks after that.

Canon really doesn't pinpoint it for us, so it's basically whatever headcanon makes the most sense to you.

My personal headcanon is that Sam and Lucifer shared the body until Cas pulled it out. Lucifer, considering the vessel to be nothing but property and irrelevant, would have focused all of his ire on Sam's soul. The body must have been ripped out very early on to explain why Sam didn't forget things like English or how to drive a car. His brain was running around on Earth almost the entire time that his soul was languishing in the cage, whether it was decades or centuries or millennia.

[dyed-red]

What are your thoughts on how much time Sam’s soul spent in The Cage? If we go by established time lines in the show, 18 months = approx 180 years. But Lucifer is an arch angel and we know angels can manipulate time so I think it could have been longer, or least made to feel longer. I also believe that Sam would have been fluent in Enochian after spending that much time with Lucifer and Micheal. Thank you for answering if you have time! And I hope you enjoy and holiday time you have :)

welp - you did it.

you asked a question i’ve been thinking about for over a decade and unleashed the full fury of my brainworms in action. this is the type of meta i expect like 4 people total to be interested in, but i’m going to spend days working on because I Have Thoughts.

the short answer: somewhere between 180 - 5000 years, with my personal headcanon landing just over 700 years, or 1400 for maximum whump.

The behemoth long answer is under a cut because long and math and meta. Skip to the end if you just want the math. The tl;dr is that SPN canon implies that hell has layers and that time distorts more the deeper that you go, and we can build an equation for that distortion and get to basically whatever number suits our purposes depending on what assumptions we make going in.

Time Distortion in Hell

The length of time Sam’s soul felt/experienced the cage is a function of two factors: how long he spent there in earth terms, and the degree of temporal distortion hell creates.

The first piece is easy if we assume Sam’s soul spent 18 months in the cage* (footnotes at the end).

The second piece... Dean spent 4 months dead (time in earth terms) which was 40 years on the rack in terms of his experience/perception. If we take this assumption that 1 month = 1 decade, we get to use some very simple math to say that Sam spent 180 years in the cage.

But.

I’ve always personally interpreted Hell’s time distortion to run a bit different than a static 1 month = 1 decade. This headcanon derives from some hints in canon (or at least, this headcanon is not actively contradicted by moments in canon) and from other pieces of media.

I believe that the deeper you go into hell, the greater the temporal distortion is.

This is basically like the move Inception, I’m not even gonna try to pretend otherwise. There, the deeper you go into the dream within a dream, the more time dilation there is. It makes sense to me that SPN’s Hell canon works the same for several reasons.

For starters, when Sam's wall is breaking in s6, he has flashbacks where 2-3 minutes is equated with what feels like a week in the cage (episode 6x14). We can take this at perfect face value (meaning that Sam’s soul experienced about 5000 years in the Cage). Or we can interpret this to be a function of the episode he is experiencing, where temporal dilation is exaggerated because of the nature of his flashback, or we can say he is speaking in hyperbole.

I think it makes sense for the truth to be somewhere in the middle - Sam is speaking off the cuff, not entirely literal or exact about how long those 2-3 minutes felt like, but nonetheless honestly that they felt like days, felt much longer than our formula of 1 month = 1 decade allows. And I take that as a realistic reflection of his time spent in the pit.

Another, and far more overt piece of evidence comes in Season 11 when Sam visits ‘the Cage’. In 11x09 (O Brother Where Art Thou), we see Rowena, Crowley and Sam in Hell whereas Dean is on Earth, and there appears to be little to no temporal distortion occurring between the events below and the events above. This remains true in the following episode (11x10, the Devil in the Details) when Crowley phones Dean and when Dean comes down to join them in Hell (and Cas as well shortly after).

So - what gives? Is there temporal distortion occurring in Hell or not? Did they retcon that, forget about it, what?

Well, Crowley explicitly refers to this area of Hell as ‘Limbo’, which brings us to an understanding of Hell’s temporal distortion through the lens of the circles presented in Dante’s Inferno.

Circles of Hell

It’s fair and frustrating to say that canon doesn’t give us much in the way of understanding the structure and hierarchies of Hell. That gives us a lot of leeway, but I like to anchor my headcanons to canon if and when I can.

Thankfully, there is at least some reason to believe that Hell in this universe is structured at least somewhat similarly to Hell in other popular works of fiction that derive their conceptions of it from Dante’s Inferno (which itself is the popular mainstream view of hell that even a lot of Christian/Catholics have adopted, often without realizing at this point).

Dante’s Inferno provides a view of hell that has 9 circles, or layers, each one deeper into Hell than the last. SPN implies the same.

We get this from the use of Limbo, as stated above, since this is the term in the Inferno for the first circle. Crowley refers to Limbo as the “furthest reaches” of Hell, whereas in Dante’s Inferno, it’s the top layer. SPN plays fast and loose with what it takes vs. leaves from real-world mythos, but I take this to mean that “far” or “furthest” not in the sense of depth, but as a place which may be vast and largely empty, and which few demons can enter (since, as per the Inferno, it’s not a place where guilty souls actually end up, so possibly has quite restricted access to demons).

We also get evidence of these circles from Word of God through Sera Gamble, who has apparently said that the Cage is “At the bottom of the lowest depths of the ninth circle of the worst bit of Hell.” That’s pure Dante’s Inferno, ba-bey. (/mcelroy voice)

More evidence comes from Season 8 when Sam rescues Bobby’s soul from Hell, since he goes through Purgatory as a sort of back door to Hell, being told that Purgatory is “Hell adjacent”, which is true as well in the Inferno.

Another within-canon indirect hint of this is the association between Lucifer and ice. Dante’s Inferno keeps that the ninth circle of Hell, reserved for treachery, is a large frozen lake. And in the Inferno and in SPN canon, this is where the Devil is kept, in the Center of Hell, in the deepest frozen depths of the pit, the frozen lake in the ninth circle.

Also remembering that in early seasons, Lucifer and his Cage were buried so deep in Hell that most demons weren’t sure if he even existed. His existence was a matter of faith, no different than humans believing in God, according to 3x04 (Sin City).

Based on all this, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to surmise that Hell is vast, but potentially its vastness manifesting in the way in which it is layered, and that there are regions, planes, or depths that most demons do not or cannot tread to.

But okay, even if you’re on board so far, why do I believe that time works differently at different layers? And what circles have we seen in canon?

Situating Each Circle

My fundamental argument here is that temporal distortion in Hell is more extreme at the deeper depths, in a mathematically determinable way.

If we accept that Hell has nine circles (or planes or layers), then we can assume that we’ve seen three - probably five - of them. There is Limbo, as per season 11 and stated above, in which there seems to be little to no time dilation. This makes some sense if we accept that it’s the surface-most plane*, the first circle.

We have also established what’s in the ninth circle, titled Treachery, which is the Center of Hell and The Cage. Given its depth and the lines from season 3 Sin City, we can assume that, much like Limbo, this is an off-limits zone for most demons. If we accept my argument that times moves differently at the different layers, this is where time distortion - really, time dilation - should be the most extreme. It is the furthest removed from the material plane and the deepest well (do not call it a gravity well do not call it a gravity well do not call it a - )*, dilating time and everything around it at its depths.

In between, we have seen The Rack (where Dean was tortured), we have the Throne (where Rowena sat and kept court, since many of Crowley’s ruling scenes are implied to be on the surface rather than in Hell proper, although any of Crowley’s ruling scenes would be on this same level, I imagine), we have The Dungeon (from which Sam rescued Bobby’s soul as part of the Trials), and we have the glimpse we caught of how Crowley restructured the place into endless lines as a method of torment. There’s also the space where Lilith’s horn is kept, as per the Belphegor and Cas scenes in the early episodes of Season 15. I take that to be the same level as the Throne level, since it seems to be where ruling demons would both preside and reside.

Based on the seeming lack of time distortion we tend to see (in late seasons...) when we get scenes relating the Throne level, my headcanon is that this is the second circle of Hell (Lust). In the Inferno, incoming souls are judged here and then sent to which circle their sins have them belong, so I think it’s at least somewhat fitting for this to be where the Throne is. Keeping it closer to the surface world / material plane also has some advantages if doing so minimizes time distortion, since keeping closer time with Earth allows easier monitoring of Earth and tracking of things like deals etc. It also means that higher ranking aka more powerful demons who preside here are closer to Gates of Hell and therefore have less far to travel when slipping out and onto Earth.

In contrast, I think that The Rack is pretty damn deep. There is a lot of time distortion going on to get to 1 month = 1 decade (especially if we allow that a very small amount of dilation is happening at the topmost circles, even including Limbo). This makes sense to me in that The Rack is a place of exceeding misery and horror, literally the center of Hell’s most violent and excruciating tortures.

For that reason, I place The Rack as circle seven, aptly titled Violence. This is not to be confused with the sin of Wrath, which is actually the fifth circle. Rather, the seventh circle (to quote wikipedia at least), “houses the violent”. What better way to re-interpret that in the world of SPN than that circle hosting the torturers and their tortured? Within the seventh circle are those who committed violence against neighbors, against self, and against God. What better place for someone who sold his own soul (violence against self and against God), who killed?

Of course I don’t think it’s so straightforward that violent souls get sent to The Rack. I think any damned soul can be called there for a torture session. But Dean spent his entire time in Hell on The Rack, and that can’t be standard. Bobby spent plenty of his time in hell in a cell, as per 8x19 (Taxi Driver), and demons come here to torture him.

I don’t think it’s a huge leap for me to infer that Dean was special and spent his entire time on The Rack because they were so determined to use him to break the First Seal, and that most damned souls only do short stints on there, either due to limited real estate or so that souls don’t become numb to the violence (since let’s face it, most demonic torturers probably can’t keep them in anticipation of further horror as well as Alistair can, after a few days or months being cut into.) They’re probably returned to their cells to marinate in the memory and anticipation with only minor tortures until they’re brought down again. This is what we see with Bobby and probably with the endless lineups in Crowley’s redesigned Hell.

So - without too much to go on, I’m going to tentatively place the Dungeon with Bobby and other damned souls as being in the sixth circle, Heresy. It’s a circle described as hosting souls in flaming tombs, which I think fits this notion of a dungeon with cells holding on to souls, and keeps those souls close at hand and ready for another go in the seventh circle where The Rack is held. 

And this allows me to place the endless line as actually being either in the fourth circle, Greed, or the fifth circle, Wrath. The fourth involves a nation of lost souls who, in this pit of hell, lose their individuality and become sort of empty, which fits what we see in that brief clip of the Hell line. The fifth includes a “savage self-frustration” that seems fitting of the concept of that awful endless line, with sullen and angry souls fighting each other in muck and slime.

Regardless of fourth or fifth (I have no strong sense of which fits better), I see that line as being meaningful outside (above) the sixth circle, in a torment that is less acute, as souls that are less unique and differentiated, less violent, less worthy of turning into black-eyed demons.

Because in the Inferno, there’s this critical division between the fifth vs. sixth circles as the transition between the two being the transition into “Lower Hell” and the sixth being behind guarded walls, with another steep drop from the sixth to the seventh, and so on. This makes sense to me as Lower Hell being a place where they keep the Dungeon and guard the doomed souls, whereas that place outside those walls hosting the damned but less special, less differentiated, the more generically doomed... yeah, it just makes sense to me (your mileage, as always, may vary).

This distinction is important also because of that drop down. If distance and depth are important to temporal distortion, then it matters if the first few circles of Hell involve less of a steep drop one to the next. Here we should note that the seventh circle involves three rings, and the eighth circle (Fraud, aka Malebolge, another very strong contender for the location of The Rack since it’s essentially an amphitheater for torture, so I’ll do the math both ways below)*, well the eighth is basically a funnel with 10 separate rings or steps downward.

Why does this matter? So glad you asked!

Increasing Temporal Distortion at Each Level

If you’re following the hints I’m dropping, what I’m implying about getting deeper into Hell and the further drops down at the later levels is that the time distortion in Hell does not increase linearly. It increases exponentially.

Limbo has temporal distortion that is so minor as to be barely perceptible, if perceptible at all. The Rack gives us an explicit (if fuzzy) estimate of 1 month = 1 decade in terms of perception. The Cage is implied to be much, much more than that, at the extreme end up to 2-3 minutes = 1 week in terms of perception.

If the time distortion was linear, meaning that from circle 1 to circle 2, and circle 2 to 3, and 3 to 4 and so on, we should expect that the amount of time distortion from Limbo (circle 1) to the Rack (circle 7 or 8) to be a much, much wider gap than the amount of time distortion from the Rack (circle 7 or 8) to the Cage (circle 9). Like... it should be 7-8x as much distortion.

And I mean, you could take a linear headcanon approach to it. If we accept that SPN Hell has circles or layers as is Word of God and overtly implied by the narrative time and again, you could say that there’s x amount of distortion at circle 1, and 2x at circle 2, and 3x at circle 3, etc, and this would works okay when we got the math right, but like... it’s not my preference given the way canon works.

What I mean (especially for those who hate math so might not be automatically sussing what I’m saying), is that, for example, if 10 seconds in Limbo = 1 second on Earth (sure why not) then if the time distortion increases the same way (”linearly”) at each new circle of hell, then on the Rack we get 70 seconds = 1 Earth second (or 80 seconds = 1 Earth second, if the Rack is in the eighth circle).

That specific math doesn’t check out (it equates to 23.3 years on the Rack instead of 40, or 26.7 if the Rack is the eighth circle instead of the seventh), but to figure this out we should of course work backwards starting from the 4 months = 40 years. Which tells us that each second on Earth feels like 120seconds (2 minutes) on The Rack. If that’s happening at the seventh circle, then a linear difference between each circle of hell means that the time distortion in Limbo is roughly 17 seconds for every Earth second. This math works out a little prettier if the Rack is the eighth circle because that’s an even 15 seconds for every Earth second.

To me, that’s stretching how much time distortion is implied to occur at Limbo and vastly exaggerating what we see with Sam rescuing Bobby from Hell. If Bobby is actually kept in the 6th circle, that’s 102 (7th circle) or 190 (8th circle) seconds in Hell for every second on Earth. It just didn’t seem that Sam was spending a minute and a half in Hell for every second that Dean was spending on the surface in Taxi Driver, but then again, I haven’t rewatched that episode so I’d have to double check to know for sure.

Between those implications about time distortion in Limbo and Bobby’s rescue and even the Throne room when they visit Rowena to the way Dante’s Inferno (which SPN canon clearly drew from) funnels more extremely downward the deeper you go in the circles, to what Sam’s episode of Hell memories could imply about his experience of time dilation in the Cage (assuming we accept his statement about his episode “feeling like a week” even if we don’t take that number at exactly face value)... an exponential increase just makes more sense, mathematically?

And again, for anyone who doesn’t like math or doesn’t know what that means and why I keep using this word “exponentially,” what it means is that the difference between the first circle and the second circle is not as big as the difference between the second circle and the third circle. At each depth, the intensity of the time dilation increases. So that you might not even notice the difference in time dilation between circle 1 and 2, but the difference between circle 5 and 6 is massively noticeable, and the difference between circle 8 and circle 9 is like several times even that big. Like Inception!

So let’s run some final calculations and get you your answer(s), Anon!

Some Final Math and Estimates*

Assumption 1: Equivalent Dilation

If we assume that there is no difference in time dilation from one region of Hell to another, then the ratio that Dean gives us in Season 4 is accurate for all of Hell, and 1 month (30 days) in the pit feels like 10 years. That’s 120 seconds below to every second above.

This would mean that in 18 months in the Cage, Sam experiences 180 years worth of torture.

Assumption 2: Linear Dilation Circle 7

Assuming The Rack is in the seventh circle, then a linear difference at each level means that 120 seconds on the Rack equates to 154 seconds in the Cage at the ninth level. That would mean that in 18 months topside, Sam’s soul spent 231.5 years in the Cage.

Assumption 3: Linear Dilation Circle 8

Assuming the Rack is in the eighth circle (which, tbh, I kind of thing makes more sense even though I argued differently above, but shhh let’s pretend otherwise), then a linear difference at each level means that 120 seconds there equates to only 202.5 years for Sam’s soul in the Cage. Slightly less awful! 

Assumption 4: Exponential Dilation Circle 7

The simple way I’m doing this is that instead of taking the time distortion at Limbo and making it x2 at the second circle, x3 at the third, and so on, I’m taking the time distortion at Limbo and making it to the power of 2 at the second circle, to the power of 3 at the third, and so on. I still have to start with The Rack being 120seconds on Earth time and work backwards to get that initial Limbo starting point before I apply the exponent, but otherwise that’s all I’m doing. There are definitely more sophisticated ways we could approach it since that’s a pretty simple linear increase in the exponent, and we could instead make the exponent itself an equation we’d derive through more complex means but... I’m really not about to do that.

So.

If we start from The Rack = 120seconds (2mins), using the exponent assumptions above, then Limbo time dilation is roughly 2 seconds (actually 1.98167 or so) in Limbo for every Earth second (works beautifully for what we see in canon, basically imperceptible), and time dilation in the ninth circle is 471 seconds (7.85 mins) per Earth second. Yes, that big of a difference, because that’s how exponents work.

This would mean that Sam’s soul spent approximately 707 years in the Cage.

What a great number! What a reasonable number, and a pretty damn canon-compliant number to headcanon. I like this number.

Assumption 5: Exponential Dilation Circle 8

As above in terms of the exponent assumptions, if the Rack is actually in the 8th circle of Hell, that much closer to the Cage, then here the math works out so that 120 seconds on the 8th circle being... roughly 2 seconds in Limbo. Because that’s how exponential functions work. It’s actually 1.81928 in Limbo vs. the previous 1.98167, but that rounds to the same thing (2 seconds) in terms of human experience, even if it makes a big difference when we take it out to the difference it makes in months, years, etc.

(But like, this is why I think it’s exponential, because this works so much better for what canon implies about the time dilation there*.) 

Anyway, here, this would mean that Sam’s soul spent roughly 327.5 years in the Cage instead of the 707 from above. That’s a big difference.

Assumption 6: Off the Rails

We can also take Sam’s statement about 2-3 minutes on Earth (having a Hell flashback) feeling like a week in the pit. If we estimate conservatively and go with every 3 Earth minutes = 1 week in Hell, depending on how we approach it (depending on if you go with minutes in a week vs. a month and which way you get to a year), you get somewhere around 5000 years (in my present calculation it’s 4984, but I also calculated it another way to get to just over 5000).

Assumption 7: 9th Circle vs. The Cage

Dante’s Inferno distinguishes between the 9th Circle on its own vs. the Center of Hell as the place where Lucifer resides, right at the deepest depths. The Cage itself is remote in Hell, distant from all other demons, enough so as to be a matter of faith to many of them. If we allow the possibility that this all means that the Cage is deeper than the ninth circle itself*, we can add another linear layer or else another exponent (take our equation to the 10 instead of to the 9).

This works out to be:

Rack 7th Circle, Linear: 257 years

Rack 8th Circle, Linear: 225 years

Rack 7th Circle, Exponential: 1400 years

Rack 8th Circle, Exponential: 596 years

Meaning this is a good place to note that... depending on the final number you want to get to, you can use whichever assumptions you want to get there and justify it by math. Remember kids, there are lies, damn lies, and statistics.

TL;DR!!!!!

How much time did Sam’s soul spend in the Cage? My headcanon is that he spent probably either 600 or 700 years there, on the assumption that it was 18 months between Swan Song and Appointment in Samarra, and assuming time dilation gets more extreme the deeper that you go in Hell.

For people who want to make more conservative estimates but still embed some complexity to Hell’s time dilation and/or who be more canon-compliant to other glimpses we’ve seen of Hell’s time distortion (Limbo, etc), I think anywhere from about 200 years to 330 years is perfectly reasonable.

For people who want to go with maximum whump, the sky (5000) is the limit, but you can mathematically point to up to 1400 being pretty reasonable.

*Footnotes

1. Because canon plays fast and loose with how many months exactly have gone by, and some people headcanon that only about 4 months have passed in Season 6 before Appointment in Samarra when Death pulls his soul out. I personally read it as more like 6 months having gone by and think this is the more standard headcanon, so your 180 years is the most common interpretation, and definitely the most easy to defend. I also made calculations for Sam having spent 16 months in the Cage instead of 18 months there though, if anyone is interested.

2. There is also the Vestibule in the Inferno as the opening to Hell, before the first circle, and this requires passage from Charon to cross over and into Hell proper. This is where the quote “Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here” is from at the Gate of Hell, which of course is evoked in season 5 as the episode in which Jo and Ellen die.

I like to think of the Vestibule in the world of SPN as being any and all of the many Hellgates implied by canon, including the one that opens in AHBL2. No time dilation occurs within the Vestibule(s), as a person has to enter into Hell’s circles to properly separate themselves from the material plane.

3. Not getting into it here but if I ever get around to writing an original piece of fiction about angels and demons etc like I kind of want to, some of my worldbuilding will explicitly connect/relate angels to celestial bodies, like literally to stars, with the depth of hell essentially being a black hole, hence why the closer one gets to it, the greater the time dilation there is. Gravity and heat increase near the center of hell in this unbearable way, and then at the very center, like within the black hole itself, it becomes unbearably incredibly cold, like that frozen lake in which Lucifer is half-submerged in Dante’s Inferno. Lucifer existing impossibly both within and outside the event horizon. But I digress.

4. When you think about how many angels are implied to have died in order to rescue Dean’s soul, compared to how simply Sam snuck into Hell to rescue Bobby, I think the circles of Hell interpretation becomes quite important. If Dean was in the seventh or eighth circle, like especially that eighth circle, that’s so much deeper in than the Dungeon. The angels also couldn’t infiltrate subtly, methinks, and had to storm the walled and heavily guarded gates at the sixth circle, through that dungeon, then fight their way down the three rings of the seventh circle and possibly down into the amphitheater of the eighth. We know that their powers alone can’t kill a demon as powerful as Alistair even on Earth, so on their home turf in Hell, it makes sense that demons would have put up a really solid fight against the angels. This helps resolve some of my own frustration at what seems to be discrepancies in the abilities of angels and how dangerous they are to demons in canon.

5. Please be aware that all maths above involve some rounding, since I didn’t think anyone wanted the detailed decimals. I also calculated months as being 30 days and for simplicity, calculated years as being 12 months. I could rework the math into weeks with 52 weeks being a year instead, which gives slightly different numbers, but it’s work so I’m just going to go with these approximations. Also noting that I used calculated everything using excel to save myself a headache. I’m sorry if there are any errors, especially when it comes to the exponents, my brain got very tired. Please let me know if you find any.

6. When it comes to the exponential ones, if The Rack is in the 7th circle of hell, then if the Dungeon where Bobby was kept was in the 6th circle, then each Earth second is 60 seconds (1 minute) in the Dungeon. That’s more time dilation than I think canon implies, because 60 minutes (1hr) in the Dungeon is only a minute on Earth? In contrast if The Rack is in the 8th circle, then 1 Earth second is 36 seconds in the Dungeon. I honestly think both of these are more extreme than canon implies, but again, it’s been a million years since I watched that episode because it’s written by Bucklemming and I cannot stand their writing. But as a count in favor of the exponential argument instead of linear, if time dilation increases the same amount at each circle then 1 Earth second translates to 103 seconds in the Dungeon (Rack in 7th) or 90 seconds (Rack in 8th), both of which are a lot more dilation than our exponential account.

7. For simplicity, I’ve also ignored the different rings which occur at the 7th and 8th circles. Those would, of course, change the math here as well, and we could add another linear or exponential step for each of those rings. That would lead to some crazy numbers because we’re talking about 13 additional steps. Linearly we’d add a few thousand years, but exponentially we’re starting to talk about a geological timescale. I don’t think it’s productive to make that extreme of an assumption about those rings, but I think we could comfortably stretch the distance between the 7th circle and the pit in which Lucifer’s cage sits at the deepest depths of hell if we wanted to, if you wanted to reasonably get closer to that 5000 years estimate.

8. Since your ask mentioned it, Anon, I realize I don’t touch on Enochian in this post but I have two tag-rambles about my thoughts on enochian and I thought I had a proper post on it somewhere but can’t find it. I could/should probably make a post with a tumblr ficlet about that, since I started drafting a canon-divergent post-Hell fic with Sam and Enochian and there’s like... no chance I’ll ever finish it. But anyway.

Thanks for reading this far, to anyone who did.

[antigonewinchester]

sorry to bother and do not feel pressure to answer if you don't feel like it this is just something i’ve been thinking about, and i didn’t feel like going through all of post-s5 to try and satisfy my curiosity, but are there any instances where sam actually talks about how long he spent in the cage with lucifer? because i see people throwing around numbers a lot, from 200 years to thousands of years, and idk are there any moments where the amount of time sam spent getting tortured is actuallly talked about? or are people just extrapolating from what we've been told about hell+time in s4? what do you think🤔

Not a bother at all! :)

From what I can remember & from checking the Supernatural Wiki, Sam never got a specific number for his time in Hell like Dean did, so people have taken to guessing and extrapolating out how long he was trapped there.

Since we know the Cage was in Hell, I tend to use Dean’s time in Hell as a way of approximating how much time Sam spent there, too. In 4x10, Dean says his 4-ish months in Hell felt "like 40 years”, meaning 1 month on Earth is approximately 10 years in Hell. I actually did some calculations once to see if I could get a specific Time on Earth vs. Time in Hell ratio, and came up with this: If approximately 4 months (120 days) = 40 years (365 X 10 = 14,600 days) > 1 month (30 days/month) = 10 years (3,650 days/year) > then 1 day on Earth = approx 121.6 days in Hell. Based on when Dean died and was resurrected (May 2nd and Sept 18th, respectively), this accounting would technically mean he was there for more than 40 years, as if he’d been in Hell for 138 days, then 138 X 121.6 = 16,780.8 days / 365 days/year = 45.9 years.

Taking the 1 day = 121.66 days and looking at Sam’s time, he went to Hell (also!) on May 2nd, 2010, and then his soul was pulled out of Hell in early December, 2011. (I’m not sure on these exact years within the show, but it is implied that Dean spent a year with Lisa, met up with soulless!Sam after that year, and then timing of the plot approximately followed the timing of the show’s airing.) Let’s say December 2nd, 2011, is when Death pulled Sam’s soul out of Hell, just to keep it simple. That would makes Sam’s time in Hell 365 days + 215 days = 580 days. 580 X 121.6 = 70,528 days / 365 days/year = 193.2 years.

I suspect where people are getting the ‘Sam spent thousands of years in Hell’ idea is from 6x14, where Sam remembers his time in the Cage when he’s unconscious for 2 – 3 minutes and then tells Dean that this time felt like “about a week.” If 3 minutes = 1 week (or 10,080 minutes) > 1 min on Earth = 3,360 minutes in the Cage. 60 mins X 24 hrs = 1,440 mins / day on Earth > 1,440 X 3,360 = 4,838,400 mins per day in the Cage as 1 day on Earth. 580 days X 4,838,400 mins = 2,806,272,000 minutes / 60 mins/hr = 46,771,200 hrs / 24hrs/day = 1,948,800 days / 365 days/yr = 5,339.17 years in the Cage.

Now, I don’t think the writers were likely thinking of Sam or Dean’s times in Hell is this specific detail. Dean’s “40 years” in particular feels like it’s meant to evoke Biblical stories, like God telling Noah it would rain for 40 days & 40 nights during the flood, Moses being on Mount Sinai for 40 days & nights, or Jesus wandering the wilderness and rejecting Satan’s temptations over 40 days. Dean’s “40” being years is a way of further emphasizing the horror of Hell & his experiences there, as well as more metaphorically evoking the time dilation of trauma & traumatic events.

Imo, this kind of metaphorical read also applies to Sam's 3 minutes = 1 week in the Cage flashback. I do not think this was intended to line up with Sam's actual time in the Cage, as Sam isn’t physically going back to the Cage but only remembering his time there. This kind of time disparity again evokes traumatic events and how someone’s experience of time can be affected by both trauma and their remembering of it. It’s also another way the narrative can emphasize why getting rid of Sam’s wall would be a really really bad idea… which then makes Cas breaking Sam’s wall at the end of the season such an Oh Shit!! moment.

[autisticandroids]

yknow those episodes where a character's whole personality gets split into 3-5 different distinct separate bodies? what bodies would cas have? I feel like it'd just be a mess tbh, imagine 5 different castiels all of them loving dean to a certain extent but showing it VASTLY differently. one cas would literally want to murder the others lmao

okay so i don’t actually think this trope would be an effective tool for analyzing cas? he’s not conflicted enough in himself. he’s too impulsive, too singleminded, too uninhibited. like, in the end, cas always ends up doing whatever he wants. there aren’t multiple discrete voices vying for control, really, or rather, if there are, one is always significantly stronger than the others. like in the end cas will always end up eating raw meat off the floor, you know? he’ll do what he wants. if i was going to do personality splitting i’d do it to someone intensely internally conflicted, like dean.

however, because i’m in an essay writing mood today, i’ll answer a question slightly to the left of the one you asked. cas may not be internally conflicted, but he is intensely changeable. these two things are related, actually; the same impulsivity and singlemindedness that mean he doesn’t have a ton of internal conflict at any given time mean that different ideas sound good to him at different times, because he isn’t really thinking about, say, what future-him will think of them. and he’s not really trying to maintain an image or identity. he’s just doing what feels right at the time, which is very different at different times and in different situations.

anyway, that in mind, i think a lot about ways to bring together many alternate versions of cas which sort of correspond to different times in the show.

i have a fic in my head about a bunch of cas-es pulled from alternate timelines by some kind of spell. so this would be set during the widower arc because the basic impulse here is to show dean a very bad time. just absolutely put him through hell. also, all the alternate timelines are different because different stuff happened, not because cas made different choices, because if we’re torturing dean it has to be like 5x04, the changes in cas can’t be cas’ fault. they have to be dean’s or just like, the universe’s (which makes them dean’s).

so dean is trying to bring cas back, and he finds some kind of spell that can bring someone “from another world.” and he tries it because hey. can’t hurt to try. anyway i’ve thought a long time about different versions of cas i would put in this and here is what i have. in order of when the timeline split off.

- a cas who never raised dean from hell. think 14x13 “lebanon.” this one i’m not too sure about, like, this could be fun, but i don’t know if it’s different enough from the next one. like this castiel would have lived through the averted apocalypse and subsequent general fuckery that happened as an angelic footsoldier, which would actually be pretty interesting now that i think about it, especially since all that stuff would have gone down soooooooo differently without cas specifically for your average angel footsoldier. like cas has PERSONALLY caused more upheaval in heaven in twelve years of spn than there seems to have been in millennia. so he would be the point of view of a normal footsoldier from a totally other world.

- a cas who died mid season four, and is pulled out of the empty in 2017 by this spell. i’m not sure when this cas died. my thoughts are (1) killed in on the head of a pin by alistair, (2) killed during his torture in the rapture, or (3) simply never resurrected after lucifer rising. (3) makes the most sense, but that cas has already thrown away everything for dean. i prefer the idea of a cas who loves dean, is already on the brink of disobedience for him, but has not yet taken the plunge. both on the head of a pin and the rapture are great places for this, and they both have strengths and weaknesses. if he died in the rapture, he was killed by heaven, which is fundamentally more fun, but he was also really very much over the edge already. if he died in on the head of a pin, he wasn’t killed by heaven, but he is perfectly teetering on the brink of falling for dean. regardless of when he died, the purpose of this cas is to be horrified at all the various and myriad ways he has destroyed and corrupted himself for dean in the other timelines.

- possibly endverse cas, who would have died in 2014, but like s4 cas, would have been pulled from the afterlife by the spell. i’m not so sure on this one. we as a society love endverse cas but i dunno what purpose he would serve. maybe endverse cas didn’t die in 2014, and instead was imprisoned by lucifer, because, you know. he’s the only brother lucifer has left. so he is very excited to see dean alive and well, since his dean is dead, and, not being an angel, cas can’t bring him back. the purpose of this cas would be to horrify dean that cas loves him and needs him so much, and to disgust the other cas-es with his neediness.

- a cas who was in some way on better terms with dean during s6. maybe dean and cas ride off into the sunset together after swan song instead of dean going to live with lisa, maybe dean prayed to cas while he was with lisa because he missed him, who knows. either way, cas has dean’s help with the angel revolution in season six from the start, and never goes to crowley. the plan cas and dean come up with to beat raphael includes breaking into the cage and stealing the grace of michael and lucifer, freeing sam and adam in the process. incidentally, it also involves cas possessing dean, because if cas is gonna eat archangel grace to become more powerful, he’s going to need a stronger vessel. so cas and dean have a whole like. midam situation happening. they’re a double archangel together, and godstiel never happened so none of the other terrible apocalypses that stemmed from that happened, and everything is pretty cool where they’re from, and also they’re obviously uhhhhhh SOME kind of together. the purpose of this cas is to upset dean because this cas shows how much better everything could have been and how much better his and cas’ relationship could have been if dean had simply been more considerate of cas in s6, and also freak dean out with how uh. close. this dean and cas are.

- a godstiel who managed to swallow purgatory without swallowing the leviathans and remained god. he’s probably soooomewhat less scary and murdery than canonverse godstiel because no leviathans, so you know, not as many angel purges or massacres on earth. and he probably went and fixed sam’s wall within about three days because cas is prideful but he does NOT like it when dean is mad at him. so they did kiss and make up, and so this cas would have had dean to act as his morality chain. but he’s still very scary and godstiel. and also he refers to dean as “The Beloved” you know. his purpose is to freak everyone out, because he’s scary, but also, for the past cas-es, because he is a terrifying abomination that they could never imagine becoming, for the future cas-es, because he is a reminder of their worst selves, and for dean, because he is a reminder of how dangerous cas is, but also because he uh. obviously has some feelings about his dean. unclear if they are consummated or not.

- a cas who naomi never rescued from purgatory, and who stayed there. hasn't spoken to another being in half a decade, has not recovered from his emotionally destroyed state in purgatory in s8. believes at first that the spell is his dean rescuing him, and is crushed when he realizes he was wrong. like endverse cas, his purpose is to show dean how much cas needs him and depends on him emotionally, and how he (dean) is capable of destroying cas, as well as his guilt for leaving him in purgatory and how lucky he is that his cas got out. this is especially noteworthy since the guilt for leaving cas in purgatory is part of the reason dean is trying to get cas back.

- a cas who stayed human after season nine, and has built himself a small human life over the next four years. he has a job and an apartment and friends outside the winchesters and yes, he still goes hunting after work sometimes, and he's still in contact with dean, but he is also independent in a way no other version of cas has ever been. he exists to freak out dean because dean has never seen cas independent of him. he is also fairly bitter at dean since dean did kind of stop spending time with him when he was no longer useful, and our dean feels guilty for that.

- a cas who showed up twenty minutes later in 10x03, finding sam dead and dean gone, and had to chase down demon dean, and has now spent three years following demon dean around as his tragically adoring stalker, because he hasn't found a way to resurrect sam yet and he doesn't want to put dean through the demon cure until he can save sam because he doesn't want dean to experience that guilt, but he also adores dean and wants to keep an eye on him and keep him safe and also keep him from doing anything too heinous, so he just covertly follows him around the country and watches from a distance as he commits various murders and fucks his way through every local bar scene. and occasionally cas finds dean something to kill, when the mark gets hungry, and drops it in his path. his purpose is to freak dean out with the lengths cas would go for him, and the depths cas would sink to.

anyway. lebanon cas and season four cas are horrified and perhaps disgusted (lebanon cas more than s4 cas) by ALL of the later cas-es, and how far they’re fallen, all of it for dean. godstiel and archangel cas being abominations, endverse cas and s9 cas being fallen, even purgatory cas and demon dean’s cas for their total dependence on dean.

purgatory cas and endverse cas are just happy to see a dean, even if it’s not their dean. demon dean’s cas, too, in a way. he’s happy to see a dean who is still human, who he can still have as a friend.

human cas is pissed to see that he was right, that dean would have stuck by him if he’d still had his powers, that this version of dean is doing spells to try and bring his cas, who is still an angel, back, whereas he and his dean only see each other once every couple months.

everyone is terrified and disgusted by godstiel, as i said before.

they’re mostly kind of thrown by archangel cas. a lot of them are jealous. godstiel is furious because how dare anyone, even an alternate version of himself, take dean as a vessel (even if dean likes it). godstiel isn’t really there, though, he resisted the summoning and just sort of popped his head through to see what was going on, and he goes back to his own reality pretty fast without murdering anyone.

also to be clear dean has not at this point examined or acknowledged any feelings he may have about his cas besides “friendship,” nor has he wondered what feelings his cas may have for him. given how many of the cas-es were clearly in some kind of relationship with their dean (endverse cas, archangel cas) or just openly in love with their dean (godstiel, purgatory cas, demon dean’s cas), dean is forced to reevaluate the nature of his and cas’ relationship.

[thegeminisage]

the ages of the occupants in the bunker as of 14.13, listed from youngest to oldest

inspired by this; since 14.09 and 14.10 took place during christmas of 2018, i feel like a good guess for the date of 14.13 is sometime in mid-january 2019, before dean’s birthday. in this meta, biological age refers how old they appear, chronological age refers to how many years on the calendar it’s been since they were born, and for characters who went to hell, i’m also using mental age to refer to the number of years they have actually consciously experienced. (heaven time will not be calculated into mental age, because characters frequently seem unable to remember it beyond a few hazy impressions at best.)

jack kline: 18 years biologically, 1.5 years chronologically - born in may 2017, he would be about a year and a half old chronologically. theoretically his biological age is probably about 18 (or at least that’s what they claimed in season 14 - given that he also says he deliberately came into this world as an adult and that cas seems to think his lifespan will greatly outlast a human being’s, we can assume his biological age was 18 in 2017, and that since humans age normally and angels don’t age at all, jack is aging slowly as a compromise). it’s worth noting that the half a season he spent in apocalypse world accounts for an entire THIRD of his total lifespan so far. he only spent a couple of weeks with cas before stuck, and once he returned dean was taken by michael almost immediately, so he’s also only had his entire family together for about a third of his life, too.

mary winchester: 31 years biologically, 64 years chronologically - mary was born in december of 1954, so when she died in november 1983 she was 28 years old, just a month shy of her 29th birthday. this would have her turning 29 in during season 12, turning 30 during season 13 (in apocalypse world!), and 31 in season 14 - her birthdays for 2016, 2017, and 2018 respectively. since she wasn’t brought back on the same day she died, she did repeat part of a year there at the beginning of season 12, but it was only a few months. as a bonus, if eileen (born 1985, died 2017) were somehow brought back a season early, she and mary would be about the same age :(

sam winchester: 35 years biologically/chronologically, 157 mentally - sam’s age is something of a nightmare when you consider 1. mystery spot and 2. that his SOUL was dead and in hell for a year (a year which they later retconned out of existence so that the show’s calendar would match the real-life one) while his body was on earth almost that entire time (depending on how soon cas sprang him after 5.22 - it was probably only days, but it couldn’t have been longer than a couple of weeks). mystery spot is fairly straight-forward; 100 tuesdays + 6 months is about 9 months (or 1 year, if we’re rounding) to his mental age. the separation of sam’s soul and body and how long his year in hell FELT to him is messier and something of a point of debate. since sam experienced the same time dually in both the physical plane and hell (years as both a body and a soul count), we have to add ANOTHER year to his mental age to account for that. as for how long his time in hell was from his perspective - it’s generally accepted that 1 month on earth is like 40 years in hell, which puts it at a minimum of 120 years. but in season 6 he has a flashback which lasts “two or three minutes” that sam says felt like “about a week.” since there are 525,600 minutes in a year, that’s potentially 175,200-262,800 weeks (depending on whether it was 2 minutes or 3), or a staggering 3360-5040 years. the nature of a flashback not matching reality, though, i’m more comfortable going with 120 years than 5040, making his “mental age” 157. (though if you pushed it to the maximum possible limit and added the 5040 years, that’d put him at 5077, or almost 51 CENTURIES, and in that case, dean’s older brother privileges? officially revoked.) either way, as far as years experienced, he IS the oldest human on this list.

CAS THEE TIEL: 35 biologically, 4.5 billion chronologically - jimmy novak has no canon age, but since sam and dean were the same age of their actors, i’m going with misha collins’s age at the time cas possessed jimmy - he was born in 1974, and even though the timeline around jimmy’s possession is confusing, either way misha collins would have had his 2008 birthday but not his 2009 one, so that puts him at 34 (even though misha collins the human aged, cas warns jimmy in 4.20 that he will NOT age). cas was also a fallen angel during the last month or so of season 5, and for about 6 months in season 9. assuming he DID age during that time, and that misha collins was closer to his 35th birthday than his 34th one during the time cas possessed jimmy, i’m comfortable with saying his body looks like and will always look like a 35yo holy tax accountant - assuming he continues to be an angel, of course. as for his chronological age, i’m going with the age of the earth, since they probably would have been created at about the same time. (unless you read named, in which *gunshots*)

dean winchester: 39 years biologically/chronologically, 79 mentally - again, since this is right before dean’s 40th birthday, he’s still 39 for just a couple of weeks. he likely stopped aging when michael possessed him, though (which was about a month - who knows if dean would age while caging michael as he is as of 14.13). add the 40 years dean spent in hell, and he is now MENTALLY almost as old as he was when he got aged up in 5.07 (being ~30 at the time, and adding 50 to that). this means right now he’s biologically older than cas, but he would have been cas’s age during 2013-2014 - interestingly enough, when cas was human (and for about a year after he became an angel again - so, during dean’s time with the mark of cain, including, yes, The Beatdown).

john winchester: 51 years biologically/chronologically, 151 mentally - the john that canonically got pulled from 2003 was 48 years old in every respect, but i’m calculating his age based on if he was ACTUALLY revived and pulled down from heaven permanently, since that’s what i’m doing in my fanfic. there’s some conflicting canon about john’s birth date, but best guesses put him in december of 1954 like mary. there’s also conflicting information about what month he died, but it was in 2006 and before his birthday in december, so that puts him at 51. alastair says he was in hell for “close to a century,” so we’ll round that and call that 100 years. 

apocalypse world michael: n/a biologically, between 4.5 billion and 13.7 billion chronologically - older than cas, but younger than the universe. currently has no physical form due to being stuck inside dean winchester, something i will happily continue to be a freak about >:)

[spn masterpost]

[theythemsam]

thoughts on she/her sam? just curious!

Thoughts on she/her sam? Yes, many.

So there's obviously multiple ways to interpret this post but for lesbian reasons i Will mainly go with she/her trans gal sam ❤

tw: slight mentions of violence

i think she'd come out the first time at stanford and start using she pronouns there in a very limited friendship circle and maybe by the end even in a select few classes. Its feels kinda weird at first, partially because she hasn’t really pursued any other way of transitioning yet and she wants to keep her name (in a drunk stupor john had told her she had been named after her mom's dad after he had died and she doesn’t want to lose what little connection she has to her mom), and partially because it’s just that she never expected to get to a place like that, not after having grown up in the hyper-masculine hunter lifestyle and never staying long enough anywhere to find a community, but she has a couple of really protective friends now (like brady who broke a dude's nose in a bar fight and jess who's not afraid to get loud and drag them publicly also if jess is ALSO a trans gal that would be soooo rad, like she would have been out longer than sam and probably been able to go on puberty blockers and transition early and sam sees her and Dies 100 gay little deaths but also slight gender envy and jess sees her and is like: nerd gf lets go!) and she soon gets used to it. She’d saved up for hormones when dean comes to visit. The money is spent on gas and ammo instead.

I kinda feel like s2 sam might consider telling dean at some point, but then doesn’t, counting it as just another thing that makes her a freak and an outsider and she needs dean’s support more than ever in that time. And well then dean’s dying and then sam starts the apocalypse and its after they decide that sam’s gonna go to the cage, that she feels she has to tell dean about it. She doesn’t want him going around, telling people about his dead brother. Dean is kinda confused at first (like he would 100% consider it a crossdressing kink at first like... panties amiright? 👀👀👀 and not understand that its Not That), but he loves her anyway (maybe even apologizes for calling her gay (derogatory) constantly) and even though the whole conversation is tinged with SadTM, its freeing. She also tells bobby and he draws her into a big hug.

And then she loses her soul and that is weird. Soulless her doesnt give a shit about other peoples perceptions. Shes loud and rude and dressed however the fuck she wants. Shes obviously out and stares samuel down when he tries to call her Mary's s- uh daughter. Its weird and fucking freeing, but then she gets her soul back and depression and trauma and terror at the cold, calculated shit soulless her did, make her tone it down again. Dean knows. Bobby knows. Thats enough.

She immediately befriends nonbinary lesbian charlie after meeting her, and they bond over lord of the rings and against me! and dnd and lesbianism. Its good and they are canon friends in this one <3. After s7 while shes with amelia she starts hrt again. And in that au dean is still angry, but because sam is more used to talking about stuff (dean had to stop the no chick flick moment rule soon after her coming out bc sam would just stare him down), she tells him why she couldnt look for him (explains the way she was completely alone and still reeling from trauma and with a grip on reality that was shaky at the best of days and how amelia saved her) and dean gets it, imagines himself after hell if sam had died (doesnt bring up that during her stunt with ruby it felt that way sometimes), and if bobby had been gone too, and he's not happy with it, but he understands. He tells sam about benny earlier and less aggressively and sam gets to know him in a less charged environment and they absolutely have at least one "demon blood... what's that taste like?" conversation where they compare the taste of blood, vampire to... vampire, mainly only to freak dean out who’s sitting at the bar with them like... wtf?. Like they should be disaster friends <3 i think that could be fun. That is more of a general thing that i think sam & benny should have done more, but since i am changing their relationship w this, it just fits very well.

Another she/her sam could also be nonbinary bi sam, who embraces her gender through she/her pronouns, but also ids very much as a bi man. I think she would channel jonathan van ness like her fancy!chester version, except less bougie. Dean gets a kick out of saying "shes my brother".

[deantransgressions2]

5x03 free to be you and me

#1: interrogates cas about his sex life. oddly concerned with the fact cas is a virgin. 

time tag: 16:00

#2: “you are not going to die a virgin. not on my watch” (said to cas). 

time tag: 16:24

#3: “it’s been a long time since i’ve laughed that hard” (said to cas after they get kicked out of the strip club). not sure why upsetting sex workers and forcing his friend to do something he clearly didn’t want to makes dean laugh... 

time tag: 21:04

#4: said that it has been “years” since he has laughed that hard. so all it takes for dean to be happy is to disrespect women? ok. 

time tag: 21:15

#5: tells raphael that god “would be so proud to know that his sons started the friggin’ apocalypse”. 

what’s the truth here exactly. one second dean says it’s all sam’s fault, the next he’s blaming all the angels. at this point he’s just using it as an excuse to put people down so he can act like he had nothing to do with it. 

time tag: 29:32

#6: sam: “i did it. i started the apocalypse” (said to other hunters)

here’s my issue with this. so sam bases his reality and self worth on dean. if dean blames sam for “starting” the apocalypse then sam is also going to also blame himself for all of it. we see this at it’s worse in s8. point is if dean had taken out a fucking calculator and did the math, he would of found out that both him and sam are equally responsible for lucifer getting out of the cage.

time tag: 21:13

#7: dean: “i’m good. i’m really good”

cas: “even without your brother?”

dean: “especially without my brother. i mean, i spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch.” 

time tag: 35:30

#8: dean: “it’s funny you know i’ve been so chained to my family, but now that i’m alone, hell i’m happy” 

CHAINED???? dean ur the one holding the key. 

time tag: 36:20

#9: sam never tells dean about the hunters that tried to attack him. probably because he knows dean will find some way to blame him for it. 

time tag: none

#10: “i will never die to you, i will never trick you” (lucifer to sam)

lucifer will not treat sam like dean treats sam. s4ep20-22 literally show how dean locked sam away because he was “wrong”, which is the exact same thing that michael did to lucifer. this is gonna come up big time in lucifer’s speech in 5x04 the end. maybe ill make a separate post ab it

time tag: 40:08

[queenofgoats]

Shadows & Fears | Imagine having a date with Crowley

Summary: You’re the lucky human being who dived deep into the SPN Universe. Unfortunately you fell in royal demonic hands. So let’s see how you will get out.

Characters | !no pairs! : Crowley x Reader (gender not mentioned)

Word Count: 2.708

Warning: angst, alcohol, flirtations and words = just spn ;), no cheesy romance stuff

A/N: So. It's been a long, long time since I wrote a FF at all. And it’s my very first in english - so please be gentle. ;) I had a lot of fun while writing and hope whoever is gonna read it enjoys it at least a little bit. Feedback is very welcome. 

Have fun! :)

You were led through endless corridors. Which was hardly lighted up or even heated.   Only in the last room at the end of the hall you could  just guess a warm, flickering light. The thought of what was behind door 3 made you freeze. “Hey, what is the... OH COME ON!” you were shouted at. You didn’t dare to move. Like a deer in the face of the light at a highway.   A rough grib on the upper arm forced you to go on. Your breath became heavier. Faltering. Would the brothers come and save you? At the door frame you stuck again. You couldn’t, no, you didn't want to go in there. This would be your end.

And you were so careful. No involvement in the cases, at most some background research. Even to Sam and Dean you didn’t mention a word about their fate, however difficult it was. And damn it, it did! Still, you knew that it was only a matter of time before the bubble burst.   You just wanted a coke from the vending machine at the motel. As if out of nowhere they suddenly stood behind you. Two middle-aged men, really nondescript-looking and before your lips could even form a “help”, you found yourself in the back of a minivan. They were fast, strong and scary quiet. You didn’t know what happened to you until you saw these deep pitch black eyes in the rearview mirror. This couldn’t be true! Your thoughts circled around wildly, blurred and sheer panic ran through you like a poison, which slowly spreads in your nervous system. You knew these creatures very well. How they worked, what they drove or what they were capable of. And you knew him. So far from stories from Winchester or television. That alone was enough to make your blood run cold just imagine what's ahead of you. Various breakdowns later, you were already standing in this old freezer - probably an old slaughterhouse. He loved the atmosphere.

Again the grib at your arm. But this time you stucked. Everything in you resisted. The demon right next you groaned. Apparently babysitting wasn't in his payroll. His face reflected disgust and a certain… overwhelming? “Finally, we meet. Birdie.” This voice. This damn, damn voice. Your eyes squeezed tight, you hoped it was just an imagination. Or maybe you weren't meant. Footsteps echoed down the hall. Slowly he came closer. His presence crushed you, while your body wouldn’t stop shaking. You have never faced anything so dark and threatening.   A hand on your back made you wince. It barely touched the fabric of your top and yet it resembled an iron grip. You blinked open your eyes, the gaze fixed on the floor. A pair of very elegant lace-ups with fine lyra perforations caught your attention. You swallowed.

The king of hell pushed you into the room surprisingly gently and yet firmly. Closing the door made you flinch. You were terrified. So incredibly terrified. “Please, sit down. Don't be shy, my dear. " Breathing heavily, you complied with his request. It was a miracle that you could even hear his words over your hard pounding heartbeat. Crowley was one of your favorite baddies. You hated how he left the show. But you never wanted to meet him. For obvious reasons.   The demon took a seat next to you at a large table. Out of the corner of your eye you could see that one of his peasants stood by the door. The fire in the fireplace slowly thawed you again, but you still shivered. If not at the hand of this monster, you would probably die of pneumonia. You couldn't decide which was better. “Soo...” Crowley started smoothly voiced and as if caught you looked up at him. “We both know why you are here, it’s up to you if we stay in this chilly atmosphere or...” He smirked slightly.  

His hazel eyes drilled through yours, you felt like he was looking straight into your heart. While his voice was so calming and gentle. In fact, if it weren't Crowley himself, you'd find some pleasure in it. You became disturbed by your own thoughts. Focus! For the first time in your suddenly short life you looked at him. Or more at his absolute charming vessel. You got a feel for why he was called the King of Crossroads. A sigh escaped your lips. You took a quick look at the second demon on the door and leaned slightly towards Crowley. Breathe in. Exhale.

“Fine. I’m talking. But! Just under one condition.” you tried to sound professional and acted businesslike. You had a plan. Kind of. But you weren't allowed to show any weaknesses for that. You also saw these kinds of conversations so often in tv shows. You could do it! A twitch of the corner of his mouth indicated that you hit a point. Crowley didn't like arguing. Let alone from a simple human being like you. And yet he looked as if he had expected it. “Of course you have.” he mumbled almost bored. He grabbed himself a glass of whiskey and took a sip without leaving his eyes on you. “That would be? Let me guess y...” “I want a date!” you interrupted him hectically.   Crowley spat the drink across the desk: “A what?!” He didn’t even bother to hide his surprise. “With whom?” “You.”   There was silence for a short moment. The king of hell looked at you in disbelief. He really didn't expect that: “Why? What for?" You first took a look at the demon at the door, who didn't twist a mine, and then back to Crowley. “When I have told you everything, you kill me afterwards. That's ... okay I guess. But I don't want to die here in this hole. I want to shower, look good, and... be alone with you. A one-to-one conversation. Then you will find out everything you want to know.” You tried to smile triumphantly. “A good deal. For both, right?”

Actually you didn’t lie here. There will be no way to survive this. You’re not strong as the Winchesters, or smart like Kevin.   So why not make the best of it? Maybe you can avoid having him face his destiny? Maybe Lucifer won't be released from his cage?   Nobody except Crowley is allowed to hear this. Especially not one of the other demons. They would instant throw a welcome party for Abbadon. The king of hell stayed silent. Presumably he was wondering which part of your body to tear out first with his bare hands. He wasn’t exactly known for his patience. "I can tell you how you are going to die.“ you continued. For a brief moment he raised his eyebrows, but then he finally agreed: “Good. I choose the location."

You felt a painful sense of surprise and relief.

Just a few hours later your time had come.   You stood visibly nervous in front of the entrance of a big old cinema. The fingers kept pulling your clothes into place. Shortly after your deal, a servant brought you to Berlin. There you were allowed to freshen up and get dressed. Everything under the demon's watchful eye, of course. Crowley himself should receive you later in front of the location, it was said. And now you’re here. Oh damn what were you thinking? Sighing heavily, you looked over your shoulder. Maybe you should dare and just run away? Was it worth trying? Did you really want to be led to the slaughter like a pig? A thousand questions buzzed through your head. Yesterday was just a moment of panic. Not really thought out. Somehow. You turned on your heel and were just about to start a run when you heard his voice behind you again: “Birdie! You shouldn’t even think about that. We had an appointment.”

His words sounded so soft and smooth like a good red wine. Crowley knew exactly how to use his british charme.   You took another deep breath before turning to face him. A gentleman who would try, but couldn’t find his equals, Crowley smiled warmly and sweet. Yeah. Like good red wine. Soft and smooth. And poisoned. With an inviting gesture, he waved you over to him: “Let's have a drink, my dear. You look gorgeous by the way, really." He was different from when you first met him. Apparently he took his deals very seriously. You felt a bit like a prostitute's customer. You swallowed hard, but accepted his invitation.

First you entered a large reception room with sparse lighting.The ceiling was completely covered with small lamps that looked almost like a starry sky. While the old wood paneling made everything look a bit old and seedy. "The Kino International was built in the 1960s, right after they pulled up the big wall." Crowley broke the silence. There was a slight smile on his lips. “Oh well... I spent so many years in Germany,” he reminisced. As far as it was at all possible, you felt even more queasy.

A staircase took you to a large foyer in typical East German chic. Even if the brown dominated, it looked surprisingly classy. The chandeliers emitted pleasantly dimmed light, so that you could catch an overwhelming view of Berlin's landmark - the television tower - through the huge panorama windows. You are stunned.

~*~ Possession is the motivation ~*~   ~*~ That is hanging' up the God-damn nation ~*~

~*~ Looks like we always end up in a rut ~*~ ~*~ Tryin' to make it real, compared to what? ~*~

Roberta Flack's voice came to you calmly from the loudspeaker near the bar. If the initial situation were different, you would feel quite comfortable. Still astonished, you looked around as Crowley moved behind the counter. "What would you like to drink, my dear?" he broke your thoughts. “Erm... well... surprise me.” You sat down on one of the bar stools. The demon then rattled off all the barriers and drawers. Your eyes followed his movements until you blurted out: "I can't do this! Sorry!" Crowley furrowed his forehead: "What do you mean?" Desperately you threw your hands over your head. “This!” You bumped. "It’s ridiculous!"

You sighed. Hardly. “Are we really among ourselves here? Just you and me?" "Sure. As agreed." He said dryly as he handed you a freshly made cosmopolitan. You snatched the glass from him and drank the cocktail. In one sip. "Fine. Let’s do this." Then it literally gushed out of you. A long monologue about Abbadon, the darkness and everything that could be of interest to the king of hell. You only left out Chuck. Cause you already had Crowley on your neck and certainly didn't want to provoke God then.

The demon said nothing, just listened and at the same time seemed to be thinking about your words. When you were just finishing up, he put a new cocktail in front of you. Which you also emptied in one go. The nervousness just didn't want to be drunk away. "Mmh." he made. "Do the Winchesters know about it?" You shook your head. “Oleg and Bolek? Of course not." Knowing full well that they would only make it worse. As much as you loved the brothers, you knew that they were a danger to everyone around them. The confusion was written on Crowley's face: “But ... Why me? Don't get me wrong, Birdie, I'm honored and yet ... ” Inevitably you had to smile. "Let's be honest. You're probably the smartest being here. And you have the least interest of anybody else in seeing Lucifer free again. "Not untrue." he muttered. You tapped your finger on the edge of your glass: “Could I possibly get another one? Or wait! Better just the vodka. " Lost in thought, Crowley compiled while you listened to the well-chosen music.

With two glasses in hand, the king of hell stepped around the counter and sat down on one of the stools next to you. You knew you wouldn't leave this place alive. Nevertheless, a faint smile crept onto your lips. “You know Crowley, I like you. Somehow. You're practically my favorite baddie. " you started and held your glass out to him to toast," That's why I know what's in store for me. Still ... one more thing... or more a question." "Which would be? ... and cheers. ”, he checked. His gaze was on you. You couldn't help yourself because you suddenly felt comfortable around him. Safe. It was completely insane.  

The vodka burned your throat. You shook yourself briefly and turned to face him. “Crowley, what if I die here? I mean I don't belong here. No more than a disruptive factor in an intact universe. Am I, my soul, going somewhere or ... am I stuck? " The thought has plagued you since you (unintentionally) set foot in this cursed universe. You knew you didn't belong here. Every fiber of your body lets you feel it. All the time. So far you haven't really been able to grasp the fear, but rather suppressed it. But now it was sitting in a heavy weight on your shoulders. A deep sadness took you. Tears welled up in your eyes. You leaned against the demon next to you. The head was put  on his shoulder. You didn't want him to see you cry. Apparently you still have a bit of your pride left.  

You heard Crowley sigh. “Birdie, I can't tell you that. I don't know." His hand landed on your knee. It was surprisingly soft and warm, but nevertheless you twitched. “I've never heard of anything like you before. I'm sorry, and it really is, I can't help you.” Was it really Crowley who offered you comfort? Crowley? With a heavy heart you straightened up again. The alcohol slowly got into your head. Finally You leaned towards him, very close to his face. His breath brushed your cheek. The hairs stand up on the back of your neck which leads to goosebumps. You were mildly aroused and then grimaced as soon as you noticed.

The demon looked irritated: “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” You felt stupid. “I just... I thought. You’re far far out of my league. Forget it. Please.” You wrapped the arms around you and blushed.   “I understand.” Crowley grinned. “Oh my sweet, sweet summer child.” He leaned back and studied you intently. “I don’t give a damn fuck about human current body preferences. It’s constantly changing anyway.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m a demon, as you may remember, and all I desire is to spoil a pure soul beyond any recognition.” Embarrassed you thought about his words.

“Crowley...”, you began almost in a whisper, “would ... would you take my soul?” Hell didn't scare you nearly as much as the thought of your ghost going full vengeful in that old movie theater. He laughed. Loud. It was cold, arrogant and left you freezing. You felt it right down to the bones. "What should I do with it?" For the first time that evening, the demon came through him so clearly. You were afraid of him. More than ever before. You let him fool you. He leaned back in amusement and studied your shocked face. "Babe, your soul is useless." he said, still smirking and slid off his bar stool. "Another one?" he waved the glass. Ashamed you just nodded. You'd already got rejected dozent of times, but this was by far the worst.

Crowley prepared two glasses on the counter for you. The look he gave you was almost pityingly: "Oh Birdie, don't be like that now." Just slowly he moved back to you until he was right in front of you. "You are already useful." he whispered.   You looked at him wondering. And didn’t understand anything.

“Oleg and Bolek, as you called them so beautifully, still have the lost part of my demon tablet. And my prophet. ”He paused and took a long swig from his glass. "I would be crazy if I got rid of my pretty, little bait now, huh?" While he was speaking the last sentence in a haughty tone , his lips barely touched your ear. Tenderly he brushed a lost strand of hair from your face and patted your cheek.  

His demonic smile indicated that he was definitely the legitimate king of hell.

[shardminds]

okay i know in the grand scheme of things it’s been about 5 minutes since i got into spn and about 4.5 seconds since i started following spn blogs on tumblr but i just want 2 share some stuff re: what i would have liked to happen in my ideal ending. spoilers below.

number 1, sam and eileen endgame. after losing her in 15x18 and trying so hard to hold it together, sam’s quite obviously devvo’d. man’s a mess but he can’t let himself fall apart. 15x19 happens and everyone chuck disintegrated faster than communion wafers comes back and the FIRST thing sam does? calls eileen. high tails it out of there. speed limits who? there’s a heartwarming moment. maybe an ‘i love you’ or maybe not but it’s touching and heart wrenching and everyone cries and it’s nice. there you go, sam winchester. not only did you help save the world, but you got a happy ending in the process. eileen moves into the mol bunker. don’t @ me. she’s also great with miracle. and, in the long run, kids.  

number 2, deancas. my whole thing is, if they didn’t want canon deancas ending, why have cas confess? like i get the empty deal and i understand ‘happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. it’s in just saying it’ but... if u didn’t want people to swarm on the possibility of deancas... why include it at all? especially for it to never be mentioned again. for cas, a man/angel/being of celestial intent that had spent like... 12(?) years at this point in sam and dean’s lives. you’re gonna tell me they just... let him sacrifice himself and then dip? ok. seems we have been watching different shows. or the same show from different perspectives. so, hear me out. dean says it back. maybe not in as many words or he pulls a hans solo ‘i know’. okay so they beat the shit out of The Literal Abrahamic God later to supercharge jack faster than shotgunning three monster energy mango locos ever could and leave chuck belly up in the mud like the invertebrate he proved himself to be and jack is Thee God now and dean just straight up asks. give that to me. give me the “please, jack.” and dean, so close to breaking, holding himself together with nothing but pure strength of will and residual adrenaline. give me jack’s reluctance, give me his admission of not wanting to mutate into the same megalomaniac chuck proved himself to be,using the winchesters as chess pieces in his own game. give me his humanity. the parts he inherited from kelly. give me his humanity and his grief and his loss and—castiel was his father, for fucks sake! he lost a father and a mother and he’s about to lose the only family he ever had. yes, he’ll be omnipresent—a perk of the job—but he’ll never be there in the way they want. so let him do this. there’s like a whole genesis parallel, you know all ‘the lord said let there be light, and there was light’ only not as on the nose as that. jack’s one selfish act before he himself, combined with amara, ascends. he does his whole speech. i’ll be in every drop of falling rain etc etc and then he dips. only, he’s gone and when dean turns around. cas is there. boom. 

there’s no kiss. no explicit ‘hello look at this confirmed gay angel and his human hunter ??sexual friend making out’ because that too much too fast. dean has spent the past 15 seasons trying to unfuck himself from the damage john winchester left behind (the nun hunt on his 17th birthday? lebanon? i will meet john winchester in the pit.) and as close as he is to finally just allowing himself to be himself, he’s not quite there yet. but the relief on his face. the—i’m gonna say it—love in his expression. cas’s confession clearly affected him, just look at 15x18. maybe dean doesn’t know what that means yet. maybe he does. but there’s a hug. an embrace. one of those that says ‘i don’t know why or how i like you, fruity little angel man, but i do and i’m not letting go’. it lasts a beat too long. maybe there’s tears. i’ll leave that up to jackles jacting joices.

number 3, michael sacrifices himself to save adam. OKAY SO THE WHOLE MICHAEL STORYLINE IN 15x19? BULLSHIT. especially with the adamichael scene in 15x08? where it is canonically confirmed that, after spending a real life decade (which is OVER ONE THOUSAND YEARS in hell time. 4 months = 40 years so 10 years or 120 months = 1200 years) trapped in the cage together, they became friends and shared control of the vessel. michael considered adam his guide on earth. michael. MICHAEL. M I C H A E L. seeing how spn painted him as one of, if not, THE most powerful and fearsome angel? man’s whipped. and then he loses adam when chuck has his thanos snap moment. imagine sharing a vessel with someone for twelve. hundred. years. and then being completely alone in a world you don’t know. how maddening for there to be only silence in your head. the fact that they then rammed this bs of him being jealous of lucifer for being ‘daddy’s favourite’ was exactly that. bullshit. no no no, my friends. michael was playing his own game; crossing the winchesters for chuck but actually, crossing chuck for his own gain. he learns of the winchesters plan to utilise the fact that jack is the power hungry equivalent of a shamwow and uses that to his own gain. i haven’t figured out the particulars but when chuck beats the shit out of michael, he kills the angel but leaves the vessel (think like jack at the end of s14). michael the winchesters think michael died a snivelling god fearing soldier. and then, when jack does his whole thing, up wakes adam. the winchesters take him in and explain what went down when he, you know. and adam lets them know that no, michaels not like that etc etc he did it for me etc he did it to save me. michael’s fall was imperative to the destruction of god. and, for that, he will always be remembered. adam’s not a hunter, but he stays at the bunker anyway. he has nowhere else to go. 

number 4, episode 15x20. what do you mean dean and sam both die? not in this universe i carry inside my head they don’t! this episode is just a bunch of scenes from throughout the years. you might think it boring but i think it’s great and this is my post so u can’t tell me what 2 do. dean opens up a bar for hunters a la 14x10 and has pictures on all the walls of all the fallen hunters and friends that have helped them throughout the years. you want a picture on the wall for a friend you lost? sure! just bring a photo and tack it on up there. out of sight, kept to the wall of the office, they keep pictures of the non-humans that helped. it’s private. a reminder. sam and eileen stop by a couple times a week if they can. jody and donna make the rounds with the girls too if work allows. or they come on their own. the girls are old enough to take care of themselves now. claire pops in when she can, always bringing a present for cas (despite him reprimanding her for doing so) and dean is always happy to see her. she doesn’t text enough. 

sam sets up the bunker as a base for hunters again, trying to get a system up and running like before where hunters can check in and get help and use the weapons and resources they have for cases. 

they don’t deal with heaven anymore. they haven’t seen jack since he disappeared but they also haven’t had any angel troubles either. maybe it’s because there are so few. castiel helps a lot as he still has his grace—although he’s still unable to teleport and he seems to be aging, trapped in some kind of space between. not angel and not human and definitely not nephilim. he’s powerful and powerless at the same time. he doesn’t complain about this, knowing what it means. it’s a kindness. 

rowena is also on side, mostly, although she has her own gain in mind always. they have the stray demon that pops up every now and again but she– uh... prefers to make an example of them using her own methods. sam has learned not to question it. she teases him incessantly, as usual. 

also, stay at home dad sam. eileen jumps back into hunting. they’ve had conversations—arguments—about it before. he doesn’t want to turn into his father, driven mad chasing mary’s ghost if something were to happen. she refuses to even entertain the thought of that. yelling “you are a lot of things, sam winchester. your father is not one of them.” and at the end of the day, there’s a mutual trust there and he knows she won’t put herself in unnecessary risk, and he 100% roped dean in to jumping on as backup if and when she needs it. the kid(s) are raised love and cherished and surrounded by family. sam also learns how to sign one handed with a baby on his hip. it’s adorable.

anyway we never have to find out about heaven because no one dies thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[deanssweetheart23]

Against All Odds - Part II

Title: Against All Odds: A Kiss To Build A Dream On (Part II) Series Rewrite

Summary: Dean knows their relationship is doomed when he meets her just a few months before going to Hell. Fate intervenes.

Author: deanssweetheart23

Characters: Dean Winchester x reader

Word count: 2333

Warnings: Fluff. Angst. Implied smut. References to hell, loss and grief. Slight canon divergence (there’s no Lisa).

Author’s Notes: This is the second part of a seven-part series rewrite going from season 3 to season 11. It’s also my submission  for the 31 for 31 Challenge by my love @torn-and-frayed‘s 31 for 31 Challenge –my prompt will be used in the next part. Special thank you to my sunflower @trexrambling for betaing this for me, she is the best <3

Guys, thank you so much for reading and loving this story as much as you do. I’m sorry I didn’t update earlier, but it’s been a rough few weeks. I am back, though, and I plan on posting the next parts sooner (and I’m working on something big to share with y’all).

Without further ado. Enjoy <3

Dean’s used to losing people.

He’s used to seeing the ones he cares about caught in the middle of crossfire because the angels and the demons have petty things to do with their time.

He’s used to being treated as God’s pawn, nothing but a soldier to help him in the greater scheme of things.

He’s used to grief.

In fact, he knows grief better than anyone, knows it in all its depth and darkness, in its hallowing emptiness and terrifying immensity, in the haste of whiskey and its cold, sleepless nights.

Dean knows grief, but when he loses Sam, he loses parts of himself with him, loses chunks of flesh and bits of soul he’s sure he’ll never recover. His entire existence had always been revolving around one simple request: Look out for Sammy.

And who is he if there’s no Sammy to look out for?

He takes a deep breath, runs a hand over his face roughly.

Ahead of him the state line stretches, but he’s not worried; he knows exactly which exit to take.

If anything, he’s stopped by her house multiple times since those three days they spent together over a year ago. He never talked to her, of course, never built up the courage to knock on her door and go inside, tell her how he really felt, how he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her after the nights they spent tangled in each other, those long walks by the beach, the coffee-laced kisses they’d stolen over breakfast in bed.

No, Dean never told her any of it, but he still drove past her house, the home she had without him, to make sure she was okay, safe and happy and cared for.

A car honks its horn behind him.

He blinks, slows down.

He wonders whether he should turn right.

He wonders whether he deserves to turn right, deserves to drive to her house and waltz into her life again, a mess even greater than Jay had been.

He wonders if he has the right.

The car honks again, louder this time.

He promised Sam.

He promised.

Besides, she’s the only person he wants to see.

He makes the turn.

He’s standing outside her door twenty minutes later, ringing the bell two minutes after that. Its sound travels across the rooms immeasurably, followed by the padding of feet against bare wood. The vibrations are familiar and they send him reeling, bring back memories of her in his oversized shirt, pacing the floor as he made dinner, a pout on her lips because he’d just made fun of her feet, clad in a pair of fuzzy socks in the most disturbing shade of pink he’d ever seen.

He waits for one, two, three long seconds, and then.

“Dean?” His name falls from her lips in a whisper, timid and startled and sweet, and it takes him back to the night they’d shared their first kiss, the way she’d called for him as he tasted her on his mouth, certain that nothing would ever feel as good as she did in that moment.

He tries to smile.

It wobbles right off.

“Hey, Doc.”

A shaky breath.

Brows arched in a way he finds absolutely endearing.

“Is everything alright?” she asks, arms wrapped around her middle. “That call you gave me a few weeks ago…” She pushes some hair from her face, takes a step forward. “It got me a little worried.”

He nods.

Their conversation, dragged and raw, echoes soundlessly in his mind.

“Dean?” he hears her ask over the phone, worried, skeptical. “Tahini said you called, but I was in surgery. What’s going on?”

Dean hesitates.

He shouldn’t be doing this, he thinks. Not after the way they left things. Not with the Apocalypse looming over their heads. And yet, he feels like a weight’s been lifted off his shoulders as her voice washes over him, feels like he’s Dean again, not the righteous man or Michael’s vessel, not a warrior destined for great things.

Just Dean.

“Nothing, I just… I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Honestly… Things are about to get really bad, Doc.”

“Bad?” she repeats, incredulous. “What do you mean bad? Dean, what’s going on?”

“I, uh… You’re gonna see stuff on TV. Scary stuff. But I don’t want you to worry. Whatever happens, you’re gonna be okay. M’ gonna make sure of that.”

The silence that follows is thick, taut.

She draws in a heavy breath. “I don’t understand. Have you been drinking?”

He lets out a bitter laugh, shakes his head a little. “No. Look, I know I sound crazy, but I need you to trust me. Can you do that?”

“Yeah,” she says after a long pause. “Yes. Just… Come over. Please. I’m worried about you.”

“No, don’t… Don’t do that. I know the life that I live, Doc. I know how that’s gonna end for me.”

“Dean–”

“S’ alright. I don’t mind. Not anymore. I just… I wanted you to know… When I do picture myself happy… S’ with you.”

He’d regretted the words the moment he hung up, had cursed himself for sneaking into the shadows of her life again only to say goodbye, but he’d been desperate, about to say yes to Michael and he needed to hear her voice, needed some kind of closure.

“Dean?” she repeats, face sculpted with concern. “Are you okay?”

His gaze slides to the empty space next to him.

Darkness wraps its way around his heart.

“M’ fine,” he lies, a lie that’s been ingrained into his jabbed heart by now.

She hums.

The look she gives him is enough to let him know she doesn’t believe him.

“Tell you what,” she starts, a reluctant smile softening her unease, “s’ getting dark outside and you look like you could use a drink.” She steps aside, lets him steal a glimpse of her empty living room. “Wanna come in?”

He lets out air through his nose, not quite a laugh. “Yeah.” He runs a hand over his face. “Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

She smiles then, perhaps the most genuine smile he’s gotten out of her that evening, and, with her eyes locked on his, she reaches for his hand, manipulates their fingers until they’re intertwined.

And, just for a second, he swears he can almost breathe freely again.

Six months pass.

Dean moves into the small cottage with her, finds a respectable job at a construction-sight nearby. He tells her everything about his old life the day before he signs the contract, speaks to her about monsters and angels and demons, about Sam’s sacrifice.

He’s reluctant to, at first, worries that he’ll lose her just like he lost Cassie, but he can’t really be with her if she doesn’t know, can’t allow himself to become a concrete part of her life without making sure she wants him, wants every dark and guilty part he keeps hidden.

She does.

It surprises him a little, because he’s not used to people choosing him, not used to being loved so wholly and unconditionally by someone, but he gives himself over to her, trusts her with everything he’s got because he can tell how much she loves him.

It’s written across her skin every time she traces his scars with her fingertips, etched on her body as it wraps its way around him at nights. It’s there when she goes grocery shopping for him and it’s there when she tries to make him laugh, no matter how bad her day had been. It’s always there and it’s comforting and arduous at the same time, because he knows he has her, knows he’s finally managed to have something good in his life while his brother is burning in the Cage.

Sammy’s burning, and he is in love.

Soft lips press themselves against his neck, will his guilt away.

He closes his eyes in a shudder, despite himself.

“A quarter past six,” he mumbles, eyes glancing at the clock etched on the kitchen wall as he places his hand over hers.

Y/N’s just returned from her morning run –a habit of hers that reminds him so much of Sammy it hurts– and he can feel a thin layer of sweat against his body as she stays close along his back, can feel her heat sinking into him.

“Not bad for a slow poke,” he adds when he turns around, enveloping her in his arms.

“Shut up.” She nuzzles his clothed skin, almost sighs in content when he presses a lingering kiss on her forehead. A heartbeat passes, and then, “You’re up early. S’ your day off, isn’t it?”

He hums.

Without looking up he says, “Couldn’t sleep.” He runs a hand over his face, wonders whether he should say more. “S’, uh… S’ six months today.”

The statement hangs between them, dark, heavy, and, for a second, he almost regrets putting it into words, worries that she won’t know how to navigate her way through it, how he needs her to respond.

But she does.

She always does.

She cups the side of his neck, runs her thumb over his skin soothingly. “I know.” Her eyes drift to the griddle in front of them, the ingredients scattered on the counter. “Tell you what, let me take care of this. I got some time before I leave for work.”

He grins a little, pulls her closer. “Yeah, you should use that time to shower.” His fingers tangle in the bandana she’s using to keep her hair in a bun. He takes it off, lets it fall onto her shoulders unceremoniously, wild and unruly like a bird’s nest.

He loves it.

“You stink.”

“That’s the price of staying fit, smartass.” She reaches for the cupboards, pulls out her favorite mug. “What are you making anyway?”

He hands her the coffee pot.

Nonchalantly, he says, “Pancakes.”

“Pancakes?”

“Uh huh.”

“Do they have chocolate chips?”

He nods, tries to keep a straight face as he leans in and whispers, “And peanut butter,” like it’s the filthiest thing he’s ever told her.

“Hmmm,” she lifts her mug, sips some of her coffee. “Knew I loved you for a reason, D.”

“C’mere,” he mumbles, a secret smile playing at the corners of his lips as he lifts her onto the counter, clasps a hand at the side of her neck.

He kisses her then, deep and ardent and bold, too bold for it to be a brief morning kiss, and she sighs into it, lets him drag her closer to the edge of the counter until it all becomes too much, and he breaks it off, buries his face into the crook of her neck.

“Thank you about last night, by the way,” he rasps out afterwards.

He can feel her smile at that, can feel the warmth of it seeping into him and his mind drifts back to the night before, the feel of her pressed up against his arms, the Tillamook Rock Lighthouse standing striking, commanding, miles away from him, the way its light brought the ocean to life.

They were supposed to go to her friend’s birthday party, but there was a kid there that reminded him so much of Sam he couldn’t stay for longer than an hour, and she’d agreed to leave without a second thought, had apologized to Tahini and walked out with him, her hand running soothing circles over his back.

A hum.

Gentle fingers stroking his cheek.

“Anytime, D.” She kisses the top of his head. “You know that.”

And Dean does know that, but he hates this, hates being so useless, so absolutely weak, a dead weight wrapped around her body that can only ruin her.

“Alright-” she straightens her back, makes sure to meet his gaze- “what is it?”

His eyes drift to the counter.

He licks his lips. “S’ just…” He runs a hand over his face, lets out a dark laugh. “I know how hard it was to take care of Jay after Iraq and I don’t want… I hate that I’m putting you through it again.”

She leans a bit closer, takes his hand firmly in hers.

“D, you just lost your brother.” The words are a statement more than anything, brimming with empathy and heartache. “I am not expecting this relationship to be all rainbows and butterflies, just like I’m not expecting you to give up on hunting just because you live here. And I’m not comparing you to Jay.”

“Kid–”

“No, I know we’ve talked about this before, but I just–” she juts her chin– “I need you to understand that all I want is to be with you.” Her thumb smooths over his jaw. “I don’t care if you’re a hunter or a construction worker or a frigging astronaut.” She tips her forehead against his temple. “M’ in love with you.” They kiss again, softer this time. “And, for the record–” she jabs a finger at him– “you’re the best man I could have ever asked for, okay?”

He smiles, a smile that’s broken and real and torn around the edges.

“God, you’re…” He takes his hand in hers, and grips. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Doc.”

She laughs.

The sound reminds him of sunlight falling through the trees on a dark path.

“The best?”

“Yup.”

She smirks, slants her eyebrow, and he can feel the tension of the morning scattering around them like dust.

“Better than meeting Dr. Sexy?”

“Obviously.”

“And the Cartwright twins?”

He squints at her. “How do you even know about that?”

“I have my sources.”

“You’ve read the books, haven’t you?”

“Maybe,” she shrugs.

“Doc–” his lips find their way against her throat, familiar, demanding– “you’re so much better than the Cartwright twins.” When she chuckles, he can feel it reverberating deep into his lungs.

He falls a bit deeper in love with her after that day.

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[road-rhythm]

03x16 ending vs 14x12 opening

Full disclosure: this is me poking at a parallel and thinking out loud about characters, not me presenting any kind of cogent argument.

Way back when I first watched S3, I was struck by the way the first name to erupt from Dean’s mouth when he’s in Hell is Sam’s.

It was striking because he’d spent the previous episodes conspicuously calling on anybody but Sam. “Long Distance Call” (03x14) really underscores it:

DEAN:  I wanted to believe so badly that there was a way outta this. I mean I'm staring down the barrel at this thing. You know, Hell. For real, forever, and I just... I'm scared, Sam. I'm really scared.

SAM: I know.

DEAN: I guess I was willing to believe anything. You know, the last act of a desperate man.

Dean, the reality of his decision in 02x22 bearing down on him like a--well, a hell hound, is ready to give credence to his dead father as a source of salvation. But he began the episode by rejecting Sam’s attempts to help:

SAM: Dean, we're already on a case.

DEAN: Whose?

SAM: Yours.

DEAN: Right. Yeah. Well, you coulda fooled me.

At this point, that seems to be because, well, Sam’s attempts have uniformly ended in failure so far. But Dean’s also been pretty consistent in this throughout the season: breezy no-thank-yous to the tune of “this is inevitable,” a few angry ones to the tune of “there’s this clause where you DIE if you attempt to interfere, so do me a solid and don’t.”

After John turns out to be the crocatta’s hoax, Dean draws his conclusions thus:

DEAN: I can't expect Dad to show up with some miracle at the last minute. I can't expect anybody to, you know. I mean the only person that can get me out of this thing is me.

SAM: And me.

DEAN: “And me”?

SAM: What?

DEAN: Deep revelation, having a real moment here, that's what you come back with? “And me”?

Sam tries to swing the scene to that heartwarming “we’re in it together, we got this” vibe. Dean really isn’t giving any of that back. 0.00000% indication that Sam makes the shortlist of sources he’s inclined to turn to for help. On the one hand, on a practical level, it’s kinda hard to fault him for that, because, again, Sam’s been trying and he’s got bupkis to show for it.

On the other hand: ouch.

We know that a deep part of Dean--the deepest--does cry out to Sam for help. We know it because we see it when he’s in the pit. But Sam never does. Sam isn’t there for that. Sam is there for a pretty explicit vote of no-confidence.

Dean (apparently) doesn’t believe Sam can do anything to save him; this is borne out, and Dean goes to Hell. Four months later, Dean is saved from Hell, and not by Sam. Sam had nothing to do with it. Dean likely spent a great deal of time calling Sam’s name in between, but Sam will never know it.

Fast forward to 14x12, and a nightmare so brutal Dean bloodies his fingers clawing his bedside wall. He’s in a box (just like the Cage, only you can weekend warrior it up in your own garage for plot convenience cozier!). He’s trapped. He’s scared.

He’s screaming for his brother.

But not where his brother can hear him.

Outside in the real world, it’s an older-sadder-wiser replay of the first half of season 3: this is how it’s gotta be, so it’s time to let me go. Of course, Dean has perspective this go-round he didn’t back then.

DEAN: Thinking – highly overrated. SAM: Easy for you to say. DEAN: No, it’s not, actually.

The current writers seem... not that great at remembering anything that happened in the first half the show’s existence, so this is probably meant to be Dean referring to the fact that he is rightly terrified of what he’s facing on account of not being an idiot. But fuck what’s meant, and the cutting tone Dean takes here makes me think he was remembering a solid year raking leaves in the suburbs trying not to think about Sam locked in a box with a pissed off archangel. I mean, no question that what he’s planning to do to himself is also at the forefront of his brain, but I like to take it as him rightly calling Sam out for skipping over Dean’s own intimate knowledge of what it’s like to lose his brother in exactly this way.

The repetition of the “Dean only calls for Sam once Sam can’t hear him” thing in S14 has me thinking more about why Dean does it. And I don’t feel like I have a really firm grasp on it. Protection is probably part of it: Dean going to Hell while rejecting/discounting any help from Sam probably (definitely) stung for Sam--why Sam’s quest for revenge even after he gets Dean back and Sam’s mounting aggression/hubris in S4 all actually make perfect fucking sense regardless of how unlovely they might be is a separate essay no one wants to read--but would it really have been better for him to have to hear his brother cry out for his help and then fail anyway? Perceived/programmed roles are surely part of it, too: Dean’s job is protecting Sam; that role doesn’t allow him to ask Sam to protect him, physically or emotionally. Dean probably knows on some level by now that rejecting Sam as a potential source of protection or solace still winds up inflicting harm on Sam, but he doesn’t seem to know what to do with it, and it’s hard to see how he would. But I still feel like I’m not getting all of it.

Just that the whole thing is somehow very in line with Dean Winchester’s inability/refusal to speak his most deeply held wants.

Anyway.

Since it was "Long Distance Call” in large part that’s had me thinking about Dean calling out for Sam in Hell all these years, it’s been interesting to compare the end of that ep (03x14) with the end of this ep (14x12):

SAM: I believe in us, Dean. [DEAN doesn’t say anything. SAM gets angry and punches DEAN in the face.] I believe in us! [SAM tries to punch DEAN again, but DEAN stops him.] DEAN: Hey, hey, hey, hey! [SAM hugs DEAN.] SAM: Why don’t you believe in us, too? DEAN: Okay, Sam. Let’s go home. SAM: What? DEAN: Let’s go home. Maybe Billie’s wrong. Maybe. But I do believe in us.

When Sam says “Why don’t you believe in us?” he’s really begging Dean not to discount him. S14!Dean is already well embarked on his “the only person who can get me out of this thing is me” path: that’s exactly what the super-convenient, you, too, can construct this weekend project! THE HOME DEPOT: You Can Do It™ Ma’lak box is. Which, it’s worth noting, is more than Dean had in S3, where there were no alternatives whatsoever--so, dear God, who could fault him for not taking that? For playing one card when he knows, deeply and intimately and permanently, what it’s like to have none?

Well, Sam can, because the endgame still sucks. And because Sam can’t do a replay of 03x16. He’s passionate about it. He throws a punch out of pure emotion, something Sam really doesn’t do. But he doesn’t expect anything he expresses to change things. He doesn’t expect Dean to change, because Sam is stunned when Dean does. He just kind of... hangs there, not processing, and then that little, confused, “What?”

So Sam will never know that he’s the first person Dean calls for once he’s in the fire. But this time his big brother is going to take the contribution Sam’s begging him to accept, so maybe, if they get lucky, that won’t have to matter.

[katsidhe]

14.12 Final Thoughts

And BOY do I have a lot of ‘em. There were three (3!) important Sam conversations, so buckle up, gents. 

Here’s the thing. Nick is FASCINATING to me, but ONLY insofar as Sam interacts with him. It’s like someone on the writing team heard me say just the first part of that sentence and then stopped listening. 

Nick clearly missing Lucifer in a fucked-up way, choosing him over his own wife, would be sooooo much cooler if Sam had to interact with that hot mess, my god can you imagine. That’s yet another on the list of missed-Nick-opportunities, and yes, I’m keeping a list. It’s long.

(I wonder if before Nick went full-psycho, he considered asking Sam if he ever felt that way? Nick knows just one (1) other person who’s gone through what he has. Personally, I’d be curious.) 

I’m amazed how many times Donatello has evaded death. Score another point for tenure, I guess. 

Sam’s starting salvo after Dean’s nightmare comes with no sugarcoating whatsoever. His strategy seems to be, “yeah, we’ve all been through Hell, you’re quite sure you’re ready to sign up for another round?” 

Sam’s nominally cooperating with Dean’s plan, but he’s being as unapologetically passive-aggressive about it as possible, at every possible opportunity. Which I frankly adore. You can taste his anger building through the whole episode.

Dean’s been slowly coming round to s1 Sam’s point of view on John’s parenting. I love that they’re bringing this up. Sam, on the other hand, really doesn’t care. He’s much more able and willing to brush all of that aside in s14 than he was in s1, to the point where Dean bringing it up just makes him… exhausted. (I discussed this more back in this post.)

Dean’s choice of deathbed amends is one that’s 15+ years back. And I do think that it’s a struggle for Dean to admit that he’s ever been anything but a loyal protector of Sam; even if he knows wasn’t perfect, it’s important to him to insist that he’s always been trying his best, as the most crucial pillar of his identity as a righteous defender. But to make it about their childhood… well, it’s a ~much safer topic than say, Gadreel. It’s something Dean’s got confidence Sam will brush off. It’s also something that Dean’s been leading into for awhile—undoing John’s way of doing things while keeping his own head still firmly planted in the family narrative.

Sam’s been spending this season having his history spat back in his face through a funhouse mirror. Despite that, I wasn’t necessarily expecting a breaking point, but DAMN! am I happy to get one! 

It makes a ton of sense that THIS would be the breaking point, of course: an episode of towing what is essentially Dean’s Cage behind the car. The layers of history and pain and fear behind that fate, the amount of time Sam’s spent this season dealing with alt!Michael and not!Lucifer, and Dean’s latest plan being so perfectly, perfectly on-the-nose? In trying to imagine late-seasons Sam getting properly FURIOUS at Dean, this situation is one of the only ones that would just about do it. It’s delicious. 

I have enough thoughts about their final confrontation that I’ll probably make a different post before I write (more of) an essay, but I’ll just say now that I think Sam’s strained desperation here, the punch, the appeal to Betrayal of Family Values, the violence with which he uses an emotional outburst as a persuasion tactic—it all feels a lot more like a Dean-strategy than a Sam-strategy. Which is super interesting to me.

[spnjediavenger]

Chapter 8: Sacrifices

FINALLY!

Super excited to finally get back into White Wolf again. And also excited to work with @sarimaposthumous again in a glorious fanfic collaboration, crossing over our two SPN fics! Love ya, girl!

Disclaimers: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters; nalusa falaya research/info was taken from a few different websites which are tagged at the end

WARNINGS: like...two curse words?

Time frame: Between S5 and 6

Spoilers: Season 5 and 6 spoilers?

Notes: Please leave a comment and let me know what you think! And much love to those who have liked and/or reposted!!! <3

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 5.5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Elliana’s Journal

Chapter 8: Sacrifices

Elliana sighed and Jenny rubbed her eyes before each grabbed another one of Bobby’s lore books. After finding out about Lucifer’s cage having a “backdoor key” of sorts, the girls had been spending hours trying to find any kind of leads on the location of either. 

           Jenny groaned and closed her eyes before resting her head on the book in the hopes that osmosis would work this one time. “I need a break,” she sighed. 

           “Me too,” Ellie agreed, hopping up on Bobby’s desk while Jenny leaned on the corner rubbing her temples. Bobby had gone out just a few minutes prior for a food run, leaving the girls to continue researching.

           “I don’t know about this, Jenny,” Ellie said. “It’s taken us so long to find this key thing and now we’re coming up with nothing.”

           “Well hello, ladies,” a Scottish voice said from behind them.

           The girls turned to find Crowley standing in the doorway, glass of whiskey in hand. 

           Jenny rolled her eyes, “What do you want Crowley?”

           Crowley stepped towards the scotch and poured himself a tumbler. He swirled the amber liquid and took a sniff before scrunching his nose slightly. He took a sip, relishing the annoyance from the huntresses. Taking another sip, he stepped towards them before speaking, “What do you girls know about Orenda Alley?”

           Jenny shrugged, “Only that it’s dangerous and most people who go there don’t usually come back. Why?”

           “Wait - Orenda Alley?” Ellie stepped in. “Where the nalusa falaya supposedly lives?”

           The room’s other occupants looked at her, saying nothing, and Elliana looked between them before stopping at Jenny. “Nalusa Falaya? Native american legend?” 

           Nothing.

           Ellie jumped off the desk and over to one of the bookshelves, running a finger along the spines until she picked one out. She flipped through the pages and placed it down on Bobby’s desk for Jenny to take a look.

           “Nalusa Falaya is an old Choctaw legend; translates to ‘long black being.’ The Nalusa Falaya adults would hide in the swamps and call to travelers. When their victim came close, they would jump out and scare them unconscious. Then, they would jump on the unconscious victim and eat them. The Choctaw elders would warn the tribe against going out at night and to travel in groups when the Nalusa Falaya were near. 

“Others believed they would attack at twilight and bewitch victims with its evil magic - which is where ‘orenda’ comes from; translates to ‘magical power’ in Iroquois. It would first attract a hunter’s attention by calling out to him. Then, when the hunter turned around, he was so affected by its power that he would fall helpless to the ground. When they couldn’t fight back, the nalusa falaya would insert a thorn in them and possess them from there. It’s a common rumor that there’s only one left. And it’s supposedly in Orenda Ally.”

           “Smart girl,” Crowley complimented, nodding his head a bit.

           “Okay, I’ll repeat myself...why?” Jenny arched a brow and crossed her arms. 

           “I have a job for you two.”

           “Excuse you?” Ellie scoffed, crossing her arms as well. “You think we work for you or something?”

           “Now, now,” Crowley appeased. “No need to get counteractive, my dear.”

           “Just get to the point, Crowley,” Jenny let out an exasperated sigh.

           “The nalusa and I have some...unfinished business, of sorts,” Crowley said. “I’d like you two to bring him to me.”

           “Again, do you think we work for you or something? You can’t just pop in here and-”

           “So I suppose you don’t want to get your dear Sam Winchester back, then?”

           The girls froze and looked at Crowley.

           It was Jenny’s turn to scoff at the king of Hell. “Do you really expect us to believe you want the Winchesters back in action? I’m sure business has been booming since they shoved Luci back in the cage and Dean hooked up with Lisa.”

           Crowley put his hands up as a show of mock surrender.

           Ellie looked at Jenny, skepticism lacing her features. 

           Crowley finished the drink and set the tumbler down. “Maybe I miss the good old days. Regardless, you bring me the nalusa and I will give you back your beloved moose. As for you, Jenny, I might be able to scrounge up something valuable to sweeten the deal for you.”

           “How can you get into Lucifer’s cage?” Elliana challenged. “We’ve been reading for days - and that’s after I spent a week of my own researching - trying to find a way into the cage and you expect us to believe you can get in?”

“Always one for quarrel, aren’t you, little wolf?”

“Only Gabriel can call me that,” Ellie said in a heated tone.

“I’m the king of hell, darling. I have my ways, I can assure you of that.” Crowley turned to Jenny now. “Call me when you have it.” He reached into his jacket and pulled out a black business card with red lettering on it that read ‘King of Hell’ along with his phone number. 

           The two gave him a bewildered look as Jenny reached out to take his business card. “Just trying something new,” he shrugged. “Oh, and by the way, girls,” Crowley said, turning back around for a moment. “Our dear ‘lusa requires a sacrifice before making any deals.”

           “What?” the girls said in unison. 

           “What kind of sacrifice?” Elliana asked, though she didn’t really need to.

           “I have a feeling you already know the answer to that, darling,” Crowley countered before vanishing.

           “A human,” Ellie said with disdain. “It wants a human sacrifice. Either to eat, bewitch, or mate with. According to most lore…”

Jenny paced around Bobby’s living room. “Maybe we don’t have to sacrifice anything? We could just knock it out, shove it in a trunk, and drop him off at Crowley’s doorstep.” 

           “We don’t even know what to expect with this thing. I’ve read probably five different descriptions on what nalusa falaya look like.”

           Jenny paused in thought. “Okay, what are the most common characteristics?”

           Ellie thought for a moment before sighing lightly. “Tall, almost emaciated, melts into shadows like a phantom. How do we catch something that can become a shadow?”

           “You use a trap,” a voice said from behind the girls. They snapped their heads up to see a skinny, unknown man standing in the doorway with a wide, kind grin on his face.

           Ellie immediately backed into a bookcase as her heart rate sped up a bit; Anaya remained quiet but still went to stand protectively in front of her.

           “Elliana, this is Garth. It’s ok, you can trust him. Wouldn’t hurt a fly,” Bobby said soothingly as he stepped into the room as well, back from his errands.

            “Well, not unless it has fangs,” the younger man joked, wide smile still on his face.

            Ellie let out an airy laugh and a small smile crept onto her face; she moved into the room a bit more, feeling comfortable enough to leave the wall.

            “Wow – you already got a smile,” Bobby said, impressed. “Takes a lot to get one from her these days.” Elliana threw Bobby a Winchester bitch face. He knew the reason she didn’t. But Ellie knew he was only teasing her.

            Garth simply shrugged, smile never leaving his face. He then turned to Ellie. “Elliana is a beautiful name,” he said kindly.

            “Thanks,” the girl said, blushing a bit. Elliana quickly grew comfortable around Garth, his demeanor friendly and lighthearted. How was this guy a hunter? she thought.

           “And Garth, this is Jenny. Another colleague of mine.”

           “It’s nice to meet you, Jenny!” he said, reaching out his hand to her.

           Jenny shook his hand and gave the hunter a surprised once over as she took in his scrawny frame. It was a wonder he hadn’t been killed yet.  

           “Likewise. So, tell us about this trap?” Jenny said. 

           “Getting right to it, I see,” Garth noted.

           “It’s been countless hours of research. It’d be nice to not have to dive back into those books,” Jenny closed her eyes and shook her head. Bobby cast Garth an affirmative nod. He smiled back and walked up to Bobby’s desk, pulling aside a pencil and a piece of paper.

           “Ok, so you know how there’s devil’s traps for demons, soul eater traps, anasazi protection symbols, and other things?” he asked the girls. At their nods, he continued. “The choctaw indians have their own symbols as well. These,” he said, drawing out two symbols. “Are two such symbols. One is called a ‘Shaman,’ which represents the medium between the visible world and the spirit world; the other represents control over forces and the gravity of the earth. Put them together,” he draws another. “And you get the choctaw spirit trap.” Garth smiles a bit proudly as he finishes.

           “That’s great, Garth,” Ellie said, a small smile of interest on her lips. “How did you find this?”

           “I didn’t.”

           “What?” Jenny asked in unbelief.

           “These things are really rare,” Garth defended. “Any story or sightings you hear of, either no one has gotten close enough to notice anything, or they...don’t come back. So I looked into the most common choctaw symbols. Sometimes we have to learn as we go. Like I heard Ellie did with the grootslang.”

           “It’s the best thing we have right now,” Ellie said. “We don’t have anything else to go by,” she continued, pleased enough with the information. “So we have an idea - or at least the start of an idea, on how to capture the nalusa falaya.”

           “Now we just have to figure out where Orenda Alley is.” Excitement began to lace Jenny’s features. 

           “I think I might have that covered,” Ellie said with a faint smile. She ran upstairs and back down with her leatherbound journal in hand. 

           “Though I’ve never seen one, I’ve had an interest in the nalusa falaya legend and researched it a little while ago. While the Choctaw tribe is from Mississippi, nalusa sightings have all come out of Michigan, which is where Orenda Alley is supposed to be.”

           Ellie had opened up her laptop and brought up a map of Michigan.

           “There’s an old, run-down dock at the edge of one of Michigan’s lakes. Many sightings have come within a 20-mile radius of it, and a few disappearances from the area as well,” she reported, looking at her two companions.

As the three continued to discuss their plans, Jenny and Elliana filled Bobby in on everything that happened before he returned. He was grumpy that Crowley had been in his house again; and his scowl deepened as they told him this was something Crowley had asked of them, making him suddenly a little less accepting of the idea. But when Garth announced he would go as well, Bobby reluctantly agreed but still made sure to note he still didn’t like it. He wanted to accompany them, but the girls convinced him not to, saying more people would give a bigger risk of being noticed if the nalusa falaya were to somehow sense them.

With a defeated sigh, Bobby grumbled, “So who’s doing what? You’ll need a negotiator, sacrifice - which I still don’t like, and a lure to draw this thing into a trap - which you still don’t know how to do.” What a great confidence builder he was, the trio thought.

“I’ll be the sacrifice,” Ellie said after a moment of exchanged glances.

“No!” Bobby said sternly. “I ain’t lettin’ you get yourself killed if things go south.”

“Ellie, I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” Garth said, already becoming a bit defensive of the youngest in the room.

“I’ll do it,” Jenny said confidently, also not wanting to possibly risk Ellie’s life.

“No,” the girl shook her head. “I’ve already gotten you into enough trouble with...when Luc-...when I got taken,” she continued with some difficulty. “I’m not letting you be put in another situation again.”

“Have Garth do it - no offence, Garth,” Bobby said.

“No, I’m with you,” Garth said assuredly.

“Out of all of us, it would probably want me the most. And being the youngest, I doubt it would take me seriously as a negotiator.”

Garth turned to Jenny and Bobby for help, a begging look on his face that the other two shared for a moment. But since Ellie was adamant about being bait and would not hear otherwise, they reluctantly agreed. 

 As the group of hunters packed for their hunt, tension filled the air. Ellie brought some of the duffel bags to the truck before saying goodbye to Anaya, not wanting to risk her for a more dangerous hunt. 

Jenny was about to head out and Bobby grabbed her and Garth by the shoulder. 

“You idjits best not let anything happen to her,” Bobby lowly spoke in his gruffy tone. He knew Ellie would throw a fit if she thought he believed she couldn’t handle herself. 

Jenny nodded and let out a sigh as she swung her own duffle over her shoulder and stepped outside.

The trio waited for dusk in Upper Michigan before they would put their plan into motion. The beautiful colors of the sunset were a stark contrast against the rundown and dilapidated harbor below them. It’s been years since it was last functional; due to all the situations and strange happenings, it had quickly fallen into disrepair.

The sun now below the horizon, Garth slipped off to begin drawing the choctaw spirit traps. 

“You ready?” Jenny asked Elliana. The younger girl nodded, trying to refrain from frowning; she didn’t want to let out how anxious she was as she internally fought off a panic attack.

The girls checked their weapons one last time; earlier while trying to think with a similar mindset as with the grootslang, the group had tried to think of what might be able to injure the nalusa. Thinking of what the native american tribes used as weapons, they figured there must be some sort of rock or stone that weakens it and came up with agate - which is supposed to be one of the best stones for protection. It can supposedly drive away spirits, protect from psychic attacks, and stop magic. So they filled shotgun shells with it.

Jenny cuffed Ellie’s hands behind her, the cuffs broken in a way that appeared to be locked, but Ellie could easily escape at the opportune moment.

The girls took a deep breath before walking down a set of stone stairs and out onto the docks. Jenny scanned the darkening waters looking for any signs of the nalusa falaya. They began walking past one of the boat houses when she heard something that made her freeze. 

“Jenny,” she heard Shane’s voice whisper to her from the shadows. 

“Fuck.” 

While she was distracted, a bony hand gripped Elliana’s mouth to prevent her from screaming and pulled her away from Jenny and into the boat house they just passed. When inside, Ellie was thrown to the ground, handcuffs broken off; but the freedom of her hands did nothing when she froze upon the being in front of her.

 “Jenny, it’s okay. We can hunt this monster together. I’m here for you,” the creature whispered from behind her in Shane’s voice. She shook her head and spun around only to find Ellie missing. 

“Shit.” Panic coursed through her as she began to call out for Ellie, but was stopped short before she heard his voice which caused fear. 

It was Lucifer. 

“Remember when you said you would do anything for me?” he chuckled. “Well that time is now.” Jenny let out a shot toward the shadows near one of the boathouses. 

The moment after she did, the creature practically melted out of the shadows, its tattered hood covering the majority of its face. Only its mouth full of sharp, crooked teeth could be seen. Its emaciated form was pronounced by the dilapitated cloak dusting its shoulders. As it made its way towards her, Jenny noticed its stick-like arms with long, bony finders at the end; each one wielding razor-sharp nails. Beneath the creature’s protruding ribs, its body dissolved into a misty, shadowy form giving the appearance of a phantom. 

 Elliana looked away from the nalusa before her to try and get a grip on herself. I will not be another victim of this thing, she thought.

Ellie stood and pulled a knife out of her boot; a piece of agate she and Bobby were able to cut into a blade so she would be able to hide it away in case of a situation like this.

She advanced on the creature and took a swing at it with her knife, only for it to deflect her arm and push her to the ground. It dug its nails into her back, only eliciting a pained hiss from the girl, as she didn’t want to give it any satisfaction. It lowered its form closer to the ground and its face to her ear.

“What. Does Crowley. Want?” it whispered dangerously, digging its nails in a little deeper.

             Jenny raised her gun ready to shoot before Garth’s voice rang out behind her. “Hey you fugly monster! Come get it!” The creature turned towards Garth and made its way towards him, but stopped before the trap Garth set, and turned its face up in a snarl. Garth opened his mouth to say something, but Jenny raised her shotgun and fired off an agate-filled shot at the nalusa. It caught the creature off guard and stumbled into the trap and began struggling. 

Garth looked up all bewildered at Jenny. “Nice job, but, it’s practically invisible; what if you shot me?!” 

Jenny shrugged, “I took a shot, it worked. Make sure it stays put while I go find Ellie.” 

She took off towards the boathouse where she originally heard the whispers. She shone her flashlight around it and noticed a covered set of stairs that led down to the water. Pushing back the bushes, Jenny gingerly made her way down the steps, shotgun in one hand and a flashlight in the other, and found a landing below the docks along with a hidden door. Forcing the door open, Jenny took a deep breath and made her way inside and down a very dimly lit, grungy passageway. She quickened her pace when she heard muffled screaming and stepped into a dim, moldy room. 

Ellie had been tied up by her wrists, bruised, and blood stains formed on her back. 

Jenny rushed to her aid, but Ellie’s eyes widened and she shouted out in warning, “Jenny, no!”

Jenny was suddenly flung across the room. Her gun slid to the other side and a second Nalusa approached Jenny. It began mimicking her mother’s voice. “Sweetie, stop fighting and give in.” Jenny fell to her knees, overcome by the magic radiating off the creature. Its thorn was out and ready to pierce her, but not before something lodged itself in the nalusa and incapacitated the creature. Ellie had managed to break free and strategically threw her blade and Jenny snapped out of her trance. 

She looked up at Ellie and grinned, “About time.” 

Ellie let out a faint chuckle, “Sorry, I was a little tied up. Took you long enough to find me,” she smirked lightly, rubbing at her raw wrists.

Jenny stood up and drew a trap under the nalusa to keep it from moving. “Well I was busy with my own Nalusa. Hopefully Garth is okay. I guess we should get these two to Crowley before they wake up.” They dragged the body to a worried Garth, with his own furious Nalusa who was still trapped, and shoved the second one into the same trap. Jenny pulled out the business card and dialed Crowley. 

“We’ve got them…”

“Them?”

“Well, you can say it’s a two for one special...do we need to summon you?” 

“No, love.” Crowley appeared behind them with a few demons who grabbed the Nalusa Falayas and vanished. “Well done. Here is your gift Jenny.” He extended an empty hand. 

She looked at him incredulously and scoffed while crossing her arms, “You’ve got to be joking.”

“Oh right...my mistake.” He snapped his fingers and both Jenny and Ellie fell to the ground from a searing pain in their eyes. 

Garth knelt down by Ellie, “What are you doing?! Let them go!” 

“No need to get your knickers in a twist,” Crowley looked at his watch. “C’mon, I haven’t got all day.” Jenny blinked and looked up. In Crowley’s hand, was a little black puppy. “Your very own little hellhound and now the two of you can see hellhounds...you’re welcome.” He handed the puppy to Jenny and turned around.

           “Wait, what about our agreement?” Ellie spoke up before he could leave. 

           “We’ll be in touch.”

“Woah wait - what do you mean ‘we’ll be in touch’? You said you’d get Sam if we caught this thing,” she said hotly.

“It took an army of angels to free Dean from hell. Things like this are a bit more complicated than these little hunts of yours. Be patient.” With that, he snapped his fingers and vanished. 

Ellie let out a deep sigh before turning back to her two companions.

“I guess we should start heading back to Bobby’s,” Garth said, a sympathetic look on his face.

The girls agreed and the three began their ascent to the street when Ellie stopped.

“Wait! I forgot about this,” she said, pulling out a tattered scroll from her pocket. “I found this when the second ‘lusa had me in the boathouse. I have no idea what language this is but it seemed important.”

Jenny and Garth shared a confused look before Jenny took it carefully in her hands.

“I have no idea. Let’s take it with us and see if Bobby can find something to translate it.”

Elliana nodded and they went back to the truck and drove away.

Jenny, Elliana, and Garth returned to Bobby’s, exhausted. Garth helped him patch Ellie up before Bobby ordered the three of them to get some rest, promising a good meal when they woke up.

That said and done, Jenny handed him the scroll Ellie found. He said he’d never seen anything like it but would start hitting the books. “Again.”

About a week later, everyone said goodbye; Garth moved on to start another hunt, telling Ellie he would be willing to help her out if she ever needed a hunting partner; Jenny returned to The High Priestess with her new Hellhound, Duke, and a copy of the scroll that was found amongst the Nalusa’s possessions with a promise to keep looking for ways to get Sam out of hell; and Elliana stayed with Bobby, trying to figure out what to do next.

Epilogue

 *another week later*

Via text message

 To: [Jenny]

Something’s wrong with Sam.

“Research” credits to:

https://sasquatchchronicles.com/nalusa-falaya/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choctaw_mythology

http://www.native-languages.org/morelegends/nalusa-falaya.htm

https://listverse.com/2014/10/21/10-disturbing-mythological-beings-from-around-the-world/

https://www.google.com/search?q=choctaw+symbols&client=safari&rls=en&biw=1323&bih=735&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=koDrPbZDgxdN6M%253A%252CJMgcxEuO2OKqYM%252C_&usg=AI4_-kQabYtW5fJPeRhzywhyqDCxsgAbZg&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjQyJHXwevgAhVRtlkKHXBfDJIQ9QEwAHoECAIQBA#imgrc=zRLfiMnY6xYxVM

https://www.google.com/search?q=nalusa+falaya&client=safari&hl=en&prmd=imnv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiVlMPCvtrgAhUGhOAKHcUZCw0Q_AUoAXoECAwQAQ&biw=320&bih=454&dpr=2#imgrc=A1H78NFqoqGKaM

https://www.ghostlyactivities.com/stones-that-protect-against-evil-spirits/

Chapter 9 ->

Forever tags: @bellero

[cross-roads-blues]

Deep Inside Your Mind / ch.2

[chapter 1] [chapter 3]  [chapter 4]

Notes: Here is a second chapter! Dean wakes up in this one. Finally some answers are discovered and Sam gets a target to aim at. Also, feel free to send me an ask, if you want to be tagged in next chapters.

Warnings: Descriptions of Amnesia and General Hospital Descriptions

Summary:  While on a usual hunt, Dean Winchester is hit by something. While Dean recovers, he can’t remember neither Castiel, who’s been harboring feelings for Dean for over 5 years, nor Sam Winchester, his brother, who is 💔 by such turn of events. Can Cas and Sam reverse the damage, while battling their inner demons?

Chapter: 2/?

Word Count: 3568/?

Chapter Title: Holding On To You

“Complications. What did she mean by complications? How do complications even happen? How does that even happen, Cas?” muttered Sam, sitting on the bench outside of Dean’s hospital room. Castiel shook his head, signaling that he didn’t know. The nurse who called him wouldn’t tell him the nature of complications, only asked him to get down to the hospital as soon as possible. The nurses didn’t yet allow them in, so Sam and Cas had nothing to do but kill time. After Castiel received the news, he was forced to wake up Sam and relieve the effects of his alcohol abuse, who took the news of Dean’s complications in the most severe way - he trashed the pile of books, breaking a mirror. Finally a doctor exited Dean’s room. She smelled like chlorine and on her face there was a stern look that made Sam’s heart contract and skip a beat. It was bad, he could tell. Castiel kept his usual neutral facial expression, but his jaw was tight, and there was a menacing light in his eyes, light that meant that whatever did this to Dean would be dead and would be dead soon.

Sam and Castiel both jumped up from the bench, rushing to the doctor. “Doctor, talk to us, how is he?” on one breath blurted out Sam, still visibly shaking.

The doctor offered a smile, but not the one that signaled that everything was okay, but the one that showed pity. “Mr. Bohnam, you have to understand that your brother suffered extensive traumatic brain injury, and while we were able to wake him up… he suffered an extensive memory loss.”

Sam felt the world collapse around him, twirling almost like the opening of Lucifer Cage, and the air became a sticky heavy substance that for some reason must have been unbreathable, because Sam couldn’t feel his lungs contract. The world came crashing down, and the time took its turn again, as Sam finally processed what the doctor said to him.

”How- how extensive?” he whispered in a dry voice, with a traitorous crack.

“It’s called retrograde amnesia and it is fairly common after-”

“How extensive?” repeated Sam in a raised, harsher voice.

The doctor hesitated. “There’s still more tests to be done, but I…” She stopped, not wanting to continue. Then she inhaled and finally said, “I think he doesn’t remember you.”

Sam felt his legs swaying, so he sat back down on the bench. “That is not possible. We’ve spent our entire lives together.”

“Sir, after such extensive damage to hippocampus, it’s a miracle that he woke up at all. Plus, the memory has a property of being able to recover spontaneously, so the memories may come back,” tried to comfort him doctor.

“Can I see him, please?” almost pleaded Sam.

“Yes. His semantic memory, memory which is responsible for storing facts and his implicit memory, which stores knowledge of skills are undamaged, but his autobiographical memory is very damaged. Don’t try to make him remember any traumatic events, it may worsen his condition.”

Sam nodded, and slowly approached Dean’s room, from which two nurses exited. He hesitantly knocked on the door and entered the room. They removed the breathing mask from Dean’s face and replaced it with a nasal cannula. Dean was half-lying, supported by two pillows and was looking at Sam. Sam expected Dean to say “Hiya, Sammy!” or to say “The nurses in this hospital aren’t even hot, why am I here?” or to say “That was a close one!” Instead Dean said, “Hi. Have we met?”

Sam felt like he was about to throw up. “Yeah… long story. What’s your name?”

Dean blinked and continued to stare at Sam. “They tell me it’s Mick Bohnam. I don’t remember, being honest.”

Sam felt a lump in his throat. “It’s not. It’s a fake name. You remember what a fake name is?”

Dean looked thoughtful for a second. “I remember using one. Don’t remember why. Anyway, what’s my real name?”

“Dean.” Sam forced out a smile. “You’re Dean Winchester.”

“Winchester… Like the rifle?”

“You remember the rifle’s name?” said Sam, surprised.

Dean nodded. “I can’t remember who I am or where I came from, but I remember all sorts of useless information, like members of Led Zeppelin or lyrics to Highway to Hell. Anyway, who are you?”

“Truth?” asked Sam, not sure what to do, whether to tell Dean the truth, or play it off.

Dean thought for a second. “Yeah, truth. Kinda sucks not being able to remember anything, so please talk to me.”

“I’m Sam. Sam Winchester. Your brother,” blurted out Sam.

Dean didn’t move for a second. “Awesome,” he finally said, not really putting any emotion in the word. “I’m sorry man, I really don’t remember shit, but we’re on good terms, right?”

Sam approached the bed and nodded with a ‘not bad’ face. “Yeah, pretty much. We, uh, live together in Kansas.”

“Kansas? Cool. We have any other family?”

Sam shook his head. “Not blood family anyway. There’s this dude Castiel and he’s a really close friend.”

“Castiel?” Dean furrowed his brows. “Is that French?”

Sam laughed, this time for real. “No. I think it’s Enochian, but I’m not sure.”

“Enochian?”

“It’s a dead language.”

Awkward silence filled the room. Sam stepped from one foot to another, not sure what to say. Dean gazed at the ceiling,

“So, uh, I guess, I’m gonna go, Dean,” said Sam and stepped back, but bumped into someone warm. He turned around to see Castiel standing in the doorway.

“Cas!” Sam turned back to Dean. “This is Castiel, the one I told you about.”

“Dean.” Castiel’s hoarse voice filled the room. “How are you feeling?” Castiel approached the bed.

“I’m… fine, I guess. Sort of. Sam tells me you are a close friend of ours,” said Dean, examining the angel from head to toes.

“Yes,” replied Castiel, and Sam could swear that that ‘yes’ wasn’t said without a hint of bitterness.

Castiel gazed at his human and with a touch of his fingers put him to sleep.

“Cas, what are you doing?” asked Sam, stomping towards Cas.

“I don’t think he remembers that I am an angel, and dropping that on him right now will be unfair to him. I need to look into his head to see the state of the warding, whether some of it had faded and whether I am able to restore his memories.”

“Just don’t mingle in his head, okay?” Sam tucked Dean in and glanced back at the door to make sure no nurses were coming in.

Castiel gave Sam an offended look that said ‘Really, Sam, you don’t trust me now?’ but didn’t say anything out loud, just set his hand on Dean’s forehead and closed his eyes.

This time, the angel felt his grace penetrate the barrier that stopped him in the first place. He commanded his grace to flow to Dean’s memory, checking what was causing amnesia. He found that most of the memory was intact, like words, facts, general knowledge, skills, but one section wasn’t letting his grace through. Cas ordered his grace to inspect the section and hit the same wall that stopped him in the first place. But this time he managed to get his grace close enough to the warding to inspect it. Strange, thought the angel. He felt his grace touch ancient magic, magic that he thought he would never see again. Finally, and with a bit of sadness, he removed his hand from Dean’s forehead and turned to face Sam.

“He didn’t lose his memory, it was taken from him. I’m guessing that was the point of the attack and brain damage and subsequent coma are side-effects. The warding that prevented me from waking him up has faded, but there is a strong ward on his autobiographic memory,” he hurriedly explained to Sam, trying to burn the abstract symbols that caused the warding into his memory, “I think its in Etchemin, a dead language. It was spoken by people on the coast of Maine at least until 17th century. Went extinct some time after that.”

“What’s so special about this Etchemin?” asked Sam, processing the info dump.

Castiel started pacing around the room. “Because only two beings know spells in Etchemin! The language allows spells of intense power to be cast, power way too dangerous to exist on this planet, so I, on Heaven’s orders killed both of them!”

“What were they? Witches?” asked Sam.

Castiel shook his head. “Of kind, but much more powerful. Wabanaki tribes used to call them Skudakumooch, which is loosely translated to ghost witch. Now legends go that they are evil shamans, who turn undead after they die and rise up and eat people. They got it wrong.”

Castiel stopped and leaned on the wall and continued to talk, “There were only two Skudakumooches, two shaman brothers in 15th century, who employed some heavy black magic, using angelic grace and blood of one hundred of angels’ vessels to reincarnate themselves. They became immortal and all the legends were spawned by reincarnations of these two. Legends go you can kill them by fire, but it’s wrong, all you can do by fire is to force the Skudakumooch to reincarnate somewhere else. And they don’t just kill people, they can cast all sorts of spells, spells so powerful that Heaven deemed them unsafe to have on Earth, since their power reached level of power of angels. So they sent me to kill them. I stabbed them in a heart with an angel blade, they were dead. They were the only ones who could cast spells in Etchemin, so I have no idea what possibly could’ve done that to Dean.”

“We should swing by Maine, ask for local legends. Maybe in some of them those Skudakumooches are mentioned,” said Sam, rubbing his temples and squinting from exhaustion.

Castiel looked up at Sam. “But I killed them!”

Sam shook his head and headed out of the room. “Maybe you didn’t kill them hard enough.”

[chapter 3] [chapter 4]

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

Notes on SPN 14.02

So! I saw 14.01 yesterday, which was for the most part, surprisingly, a blast, and since I have a bit of free time today I thought I’d keep a hold of the momentum and watch and liveblog 14.02 as well. I’ve heard it’s one of those Buckleming plot-a-paloozas, but I’ll try my best to provide semi-reasonable commentary instead of incoherent ranting.

Right. As always, typing this post up as I watch. SPOILERS for the episode ahead.

1. We start with a recap of last season’s finale, and Show, do you really want to remind us this many times about that wire-fight?

1.25. Show’s lore regarding possession has been dizzyingly inconsistent, but the more I think about it, the less sense it makes to me that Nick is alive? Because Nick couldn’t actually house Lucifer for very long in s5—he was deteriorating, which was why Lucifer needed Sam so urgently. The last we saw of Nick, he was dead/dying in a dingy room in Detroit, when Lucifer jumped ship to Sam. Even if Lucifer assumed Nick’s visage in the Cage and afterwards when he was brought back, Nick-the-person with Nick-memories and Nick-feelings isn’t there anymore.

1.255. So what does this mean? Like, if this was explained away sometime over the last two seasons--I’m very sorry, I really wasn’t paying a lot of attention to large chunks of them—please let me know. If there’s no explanation, then has Lucifer disappeared inside a Nick-construct? Did he use a loophole to escape the worst of the Archangel Blade right at the moment Dean plunged it into his side? Lucifer was “human” for a while in s13, iirc. Did he have enough “human” to hide behind and recover? And has he filled that human with the memories/personality of one of the humans he knew best? Is it because he spent centuries assuming Nick’s body in the Cage that he’s most comfortable being him here?

… I don’t know. Maybe I’m missing something obvious, but, hey, it’s fun to speculate.

2. We start off with people artfully tied up in an artfully derelict church illuminated artfully by artful lightning.

… *groans* I hope we aren’t getting a torture scene already.

2.25. Well, Michael’s certainly chirpier than he was last episode.

2.5. Is he trying to make new angel minions, is that it, by feeding them blood and his grace? Leaving aside the lack of creativity in the mechanism, the whole thing kind of makes a weird sense. Michael is looking for those with purity of purpose—among religious leaders (and refugees, apparently), angels, and then finally monsters—and rejecting those ‘poisoned’ by nuance and experience and supposed sin. After all, no being whose wants are even slightly more complex than ‘food’ is going to be a perfect follower.

It also plays into his assholey, self-righteous personality and, well, god-complex.

(Dean would’ve appreciated this quest for pure purpose.)

3. There’s a kind of sitcom-y vibe to this little expository scene: Bobby talks shit about angels only for Castiel to walk in with a quirked eyebrow; the group talks about Jack and Lucifer only for Jack to walk in and go, “hey, you talkin bout my father again?”

(these are the tiny ways I feel SPN is at cross-purposes with its own theme of ‘found family’. Everybody’s obsessed with blood relations, to the point that Lucifer and Jack are constantly referred to as ‘father and son’ when there is no need to bring that relationship up. Last year, even Castiel referred to Jack while talking to Lucifer as ‘your son’ without any prompting from Satan. Words are so powerful, and so revealing.)

3.45. Castiel “as you know, Bob”-ing is hilarious. Oh, Buckleming.

3.5. Um, not to dismiss or compare Castiel’s considerable trauma at the hands of Lucifer, but is anybody going to acknowledge even once that Sam, who appears to have taken the brunt of caring for Nick so far, is also going to have trouble looking into his abuser’s face??

4. Nick continues to make no sense to me.

(I like little touches like Castiel telling him that he needs to remind himself to eat.)

4.5. I kinda like this scene, sue me. It makes sense to me that Nick would obsess over and over again about how he could’ve let himself say yes to Lucifer, although Lucifer is as old as time and had all the power in that situation. The ‘monster’ bit is a little too on-the-nose for me, but I like it. Really drives home what an intimate, horrifying violation possession is and how scarred and twisted it can leave the survivor who spirals down a well of undeserved guilt and self-loathing.

I wish Sam was the one talking to him now, or was at least present. He’d talked in the previous scene about how Nick was only ‘housing’ and deserved a chance to rebuild his life, and that hard-earned generosity of spirit would’ve been a balm to all three of them, I think.

5. ETA on the TOD, Bobby? *sporfle* Seriously though, I love this role-reversal: usually it’s Bobby who’s rolling his eyes at SamnDean’s eff-bee-eye shenanigans.

5.25. Ah, but where this Bobby has become an expert now is in telling the difference between smiting patterns!

5.5. I wonder if trying to appear non-threatening is just Sam’s default whenever he meets with, uh, ‘civilians’.

6. I really, honestly hate that the Bunker just happens to have ‘lore books’ on whatever the hell random question they’re having that day. I just kinda hate the Bunker in general, now that I think about it.

6.25. But doesn’t that ‘human component’ (lol) make a Nephilim strong enough to take down even archangels?

6.5. As pep talks go, that wasn’t bad. A few notes:

a) there’s an earnestness to the words that I’m sure that Castiel learned from Sam.

b) I think this is the first time that Castiel—or anybody—has referred to the events of 8.23 as “The Great Fall”. It’s interesting that it’s already gotten a name among angelkind and that Castiel would call it that, given how close he was to the events that led to it.

c) I want to both laugh and cry at Castiel’s assertion that Sam and Dean were there for him after he lost his grace. He was mostly left to fend for himself, obviously, but there’s no space for that in a pep talk.

d) Sometimes it’s easy to forget that Jack is actually just only a year old. Asking him not to dwell on something so… immediate is a tall ask.

7. Ok, so that was a nice snappy little counterpart to Lucifer-talking-to-Sam-in-the-mirror from the s5 finale. I like how Michael is blunt and matter-of-fact while Lucifer relished in the moment, bragged about how he’d had Sam’s number all his life, and seduced him with violent revenge. This is nice.

I don’t know, guys, I’m really enjoying this episode so far!

8. Sooooo Lucifer is residing in some subconscious layer of Nick’s mind? Is this PTSD shaped by his possession? Is Lucifer bleeding through his own construct? Are we going to find that it was actually Nick who killed his own family? (I think we are.)

8.2. Castiel looking for residual Lucifer in Nick reminds me of when he was doing the same for Sam re: Gadreel, and that reminds me of Dean’s ‘teen mom’ joke from that episode and now I’m pissed off.

8.5. Nick is fascinating, but is he fascinating enough that I care about his little revenge sub-plot? Eh. Jury’s out. Plus I just can’t stand the actor anymore

9. Sam’s just kinda there to move the plot along. Give him some more character moments, episode!

10. Michael reminded me of Dean in the scene with the werewolf. I’m really not getting a capital P personality from Michael, though that may be due to a personal choice. Or maybe because Michael was never a distinct character to begin with, and this is far more noticeable when Ackles plays it and ‘Dean’ threatens to take over any minute.

Or going meta for a second—maybe Michael’s deliberately infusing some Dean into his persona. Possession isn’t simply putting a thing inside a box: both entities are influenced and informed by the other, but only one has all the power.

11. … ok, so my interest in this Nick subplot is rapidly decaying. Nick did it. He killed his family. It’s not a mystery.

11.5. The emotional dynamics of this scene… checks out, actually. Of course Nick is projecting all his rage on Castiel. And of course Castiel regrets destroying Jimmy Novak’s life the most. More than toeing the party line and being instrumental in almost bringing the Apocalypse about in s4; more than releasing the Leviathan; more than trusting Metatron in s8; more than killing his brethren, who’ve tortured him back and tried to kill him on more than one occasion. But Castiel has been both angel and human—both possessing and being possessed—long enough that he’s intimately aware of the devastation it leaves both within and without. And there are no excuses for the way he and other angels have done that damage—so carelessly, so casually. Even the most well-intentioned angels are deceptive and manipulative and give not a second thought about their hapless vessels. It’s a sign of Castiel’s growth and compassion that he recognises his responsibility in this and that he invokes Jimmy’s name with both reverence and regret. In all this shouting and crying that Show doesn’t acknowledge the deep-seated trauma of possession survivors, this is actually a great moment.

12. That werewolf leader looks familiar. Has the actor been on SPN before? He kinda reminds me of one of the leads on Suits.

12.5. That’s a lot of clunky dialogue, but Michael is basically confirming what I speculated in point 2. Cool.

13. How Jack managed to get away and find his grandparents is never explained, but that’s a familiar Buckleming trope—characters are put together in a scene without any regard to how it might connect to other scenes or how/why those characters might’ve gotten there.

13.2. That said, it’s kinda poignant that Jack, having lost his angelic powers, is now trying to understand the human side of his heritage. He’s trying his best to adapt to his situation; this one year old kid is more well-adjusted than most of the adults on this show.

13.5. Well, holy shit, Jack talking about Kelly to his grandparents is just… making me feel emotional in a way this show hasn’t made me feel in a long, long time. This Calvert kid is good.

13.6. It is bizarre that Kelly’s parents are mostly ok with not knowing Kelly’s whereabouts for over a year—I don’t think we ever found out what position exactly Kelly held in the President’s office, and I can picture them in a bit of denial by telling themselves the reason they haven’t heard from Kelly is because she is in the middle of super-secret government work. I don’t know! But it’s just about handwave-able though, and their scene with Jack is worth it.

14. Honestly, Castiel, how did he travel so far and for so long without you noticing? So much for “Don’t worry, Sam, I will babysit this defenceless creature.”

(Speaking of Sam, wheeeerrreee’s Saaaaammmm)

“I suppose there are worse ways to be human than to be kind.”

“Have you heard from Sam?”

I LOVE YOU, JACK.

14.5. No, actually, Dean wouldn’t want it any other way. He said as much when Gadreel took over Sam completely back in s9.

15. Shoo, Nick.

16. FINALLY MORE SAM. With only like 4 minutes of episode left. What, Show, did you think you spoiled us too much last episode with all that glorious, glorious Sam content?

16.25. And finally a bit of action! The rapid-fire editing is making my head hurt, though.

16.5. Soooooooooooooo Dean’s back? Obviously Michael is playing a long game here, but it says something about the show that they can’t keep Dean away for more than two episodes without getting the shakes. I honestly miss Sera Gamble and her desire to rattle the status quo: in s6, she kept the so-called ‘real’ Sam away for half the season, which gave us imo some of the best storytelling, characterisation and acting from both Padalecki and Ackles in the entire show. In s7 she took away all the Winchester markers: the Impala, weird motel rooms, Bobby’s house. Of course, after she left the show settled back into a familiar rut (substituting Bobby’s house with that thrice-damned Bunker). I wish the show would take risks with these two again. s9 and the beginning of s10 were so very promising but there was no follow-through.

I guess they want to MotW fillers for a few episodes and that would be weird without SamnDean SamnDeaning it in the Impala, but Show, why don’t you just say ‘fuck it’ and try weird on for size? What do you have to lose? I mean, seriously?

17. Nick’s the murderer—called it!

18. This wasn’t terrible, you guys. 95% of the episode was just people sitting around having conversations, the dialogue was clunky, ideas derivative, scenes progressed without any rational links between them, the pacing was wonky, and there was too much exposition. But the emotional beats were solid and the set up is reasonably intriguing. I’ve seen far, far worse BuckLeming episodes.

Pacing is a real issue in this season, though. And Michael is not remotely intimidating as a threat.