#And my fear of showing emotions and planning for a future that involves feelings and relationships

[tvnacity]

me: I hate the american work system fuck the grindset work should not be your priority it literally doesn’t matter people should be able to live full lives without their jobs interfering too much

also me: if I don’t get the career I want my life is over and I will never be fulfilled. all I desire is to define myself completely by my job and be successful in the workforce

[fragileheartbeats]

⌗ 𝘝𝘐𝘒𝘐𝘕𝘎𝘚 𝘏𝘊 ⁝ 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘣𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 ( ♱ )

— 𝘙𝘢𝘨𝘯𝘢𝘳, 𝘉𝘫𝘰𝘳𝘯, 𝘜𝘣𝘣𝘦, 𝘏𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘬, 𝘐𝘷𝘢𝘳 <3

˚꒰🌼꒱‧ it was a request, but I deleted it by mistake. Anyways hope you enjoy!

ㅤㅤ ꣸ ﹒𝆋 𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐍𝐀𝐑 | 𝑳𝑶𝑻𝑯𝑩𝑹𝑶𝑲 ─ ♕ . ♡𝆬

The Charismatic Leader

Ragnar is the strategic and deeply passionate yandere. His obsession is rooted in a profound emotional connection and intellectual fascination. Ragnar treats you with a curious mix of reverence and possessiveness. He sees you as his equal, his partner in both love and adventure. "My Heart," a term that signifies your essential place in his life. Ragnar’s love is shown in grand gestures and the sharing of wisdom. He wants you involved in his plans, seeing you as integral to his vision of the future. Ragnar's jealousy is a slow burn; he's confident but can become cold and distant if he feels he’s losing your attention. When vulnerable, he shares tales of his fears and dreams, often gazing at the stars with you, pondering the gods' will. Witnessing Ragnar’s intense conflicts, both internal and external, could be harrowing. His determination to achieve greatness can sometimes overshadow his attention to you, leaving you feeling isolated amidst his ambitions. Ragnar envisions you by his side as he makes history, exploring new worlds and standing together as equals among the legends.

ㅤㅤ ꣸ ﹒𝆋 𝐁𝐉𝐎𝐑𝐍 | 𝑰𝑹𝑶𝑵𝑺𝑰𝑫𝑬 ─ ⸸ . ♡𝆬

The Fierce Warrior

Bjorn's obsession nature is that of the protector, almost knightly in his devotion. His love is fierce, and his protective instincts are strong. He treats you with a protective warmth, always ensuring you are safe and respected by all. He call you "My Shieldmaiden," even if you do not fight, it’s how he sees you—brave and strong. Bjorn’s demonstrations of love are in his protective actions, ensuring you never face danger alone. His gifts are often symbolic, representing his commitment and your shared strength. Bjorn’s jealousy can erupt into fierce displays of dominance, though he tries to keep it in check. His vulnerability comes out in quiet moments when he shares his doubts about living up to his father’s legacy. The worst experience would be getting caught in the crossfire of his ambitions and the dangers that accompany his life. Bjorn dreams of a future where you both stand as legends, with a legacy of strength, courage, and unity that echoes through the ages.

ㅤㅤ ꣸ ﹒𝆋 𝐔𝐁𝐁𝐄 ─ 𖤐 . ♡𝆬

The Compassionate Strategist

Ubbe’s obsession is more measured and thoughtful, rooted in a deep emotional and intellectual connection. He treats you with a gentle respect and an eagerness to share everything with you, from the mundane to the profound. He will call you "My North Star," guiding him through life’s tumultuous seas with your wisdom and compassion. Ubbe shows his love through acts of service and the sharing of knowledge. He’s always teaching you something new, ensuring you feel valued and heard. Ubbe experiences jealousy more quietly, preferring to outthink rather than confront. His vulnerability is in his fear of loss, often sharing his nightmares of a life without you. Perhaps the most challenging aspect of loving Ubbe is coping with his internal conflicts, particularly his struggle to balance his ambitions with his moral compass. Ubbe envisions a peaceful future, one where wisdom and compassion have created a world in which you both can thrive, surrounded by family and a community that respects the land and its history.

ㅤㅤ ꣸ ﹒𝆋 𝐇𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐊 ─ ✦ . ♡𝆬

The Wild Spirit

Hvitserk’s obsession is impulsive and volatile. He’s the embodiment of a storm—unpredictable and wild. He oscillates between intense affection and moments of distracted restlessness. But in his good moments, he's exhilarating and deeply attentive. He will call you "My Tempest," capturing both his perception of your captivating allure and the tumultuous nature of his affection. His demonstrations of love are spontaneous—adventures in the middle of the night, unexpected gifts stolen from far-off lands, and passionate declarations. Jealousy can drive Hvitserk to reckless actions, sometimes endangering himself to prove his worth. He’s surprisingly open about his feelings, wearing his heart on his sleeve. The inconsistency and his struggle with his own demons can leave you feeling insecure about where you stand with him. Hvitserk sees a future filled with adventure and unpredictability, always chasing the next thrill but doing so together, forever entwined in each other’s chaos.

ㅤㅤ ꣸ ﹒𝆋 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐑 | 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑩𝑶𝑵𝑬𝑳𝑬𝑺𝑺 ─ ✞ . ♡

The Ruthless Tactician

Ivar's love is intense and all-consuming, marked by his cunning and ruthless nature. He views you as his ultimate prize, his reason for victory. With you, Ivar is surprisingly tender, a stark contrast to his usual ruthlessness. He shares his strategies and thoughts, making you the confidante of his deepest ambitions. He will call you "My Queen," placing you above all, the only one capable of understanding his true self. Ivar’s expressions of love are possessive and grand. He eliminates any threats to your safety, often before you’re even aware of them. His jealousy knows no bounds, and he can become dangerously cold towards perceived rivals. In vulnerability, Ivar reveals his fears of inadequacy and his deep need for your affirmation. Witnessing the lengths Ivar will go to secure power and protect you can be both awe-inspiring and terrifying, as his methods are often merciless. Ivar dreams of a future where you both rule, unchallenged, with a legacy that will be remembered and feared throughout the ages.

@ 𝒇𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒔 . 𝐷𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑠𝑒, 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑡, 𝑜𝑟 𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑦 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑠 𝑜𝑛 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑒𝑏𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑠.

[umeji-writes]

I would like to talk about the Music Festival arc - aka my favorite Mairuma arc until now. I love them all tbh, this is just very close to my heart for several reasons. [cw: non-suggestive discussion of s*x; if you are a s*x-repulsed asexual person you are very much welcome to interact, but this may not be the post for you, take care and proceed with caution ♡ edit: I'm uncensoring the words from here onwards thanks to a kind anon's suggestion] To make it short, I love that the main theme of this arc is pleasure, and the desire for it. Honestly, it's very horny - but not in a slimy or creepy way, which is sadly quite rare in my experience. The appreciation for pleasure coming from love (also platonic love) is there in several layers. First, the plot itself, as Lilith cries out her desire to find "a love that burns like fire". She is not satisfied by most pretenders, and especially this frame spoke to me:

Because... Well... It's so true. I am an adult, and I had my share of sexual partners. The expressions people make irl are not always aesthetically pleasing, but who cares! We are told to strive to be always attractive, but in those moments of intimacy it's really not important, not as much as being fully present and enjoying the moment! Then, can we talk about Kalego please?

I mean, Nishi here went all out and didn't even try to hide her fascination for ...discipline:

(and to be fully clear: I am NOT implying there is sexual tension between Kalego and his students, I am only referring to him!!!) When I saw the whip I couldn't believe my eyes. Of course in that context it's not used that way, but it's very much recognizable as an adult tool... But more on this later. Finally, I really like that the Misfits are growing up and finding out new things about themselves. They are characterized as high school students (even if we don't know how old they actually are), which is when humans tend to have their first experiences and explore their sexualities. They are building together this beautiful show full of emotions and desire, and honestly performing with other people is really an amazing feeling (I am a former musician and theater actor - let me tell you, every performance was fire). Look at their faces: from here...

...to here.

They are shocked, but happy! And definitely feeling ...feelings. And here is my main takeaway: I am really, really sad that sex is a taboo topic in our society, and when there's something about sex, it's mostly treated in a very bad way. This includes sex scenes in generic-audience movies, which I tend to dislike... I hate that sex is handled like a dirty and secret thing. I hate that sex is mostly treated as something that has to do with power imbalance and taking advantage of someone else, usually men that "want to do stuff TO" women (nonbinary individuals like myself not found) - and too often not in a hot and consensual way. I hate that social media are becoming more and more sex-hostile, because investors fear these topics, and use children as a shield to justify limiting contents for adults as well. I hate that sexual education is mainly reserved for talking about pregnancies and, if the students are lucky, prevention of STDs. Solo or reciprocal pleasure? Consent? Treating it as a normal part of life for many people (and not ALL, again, asexual people exist)??? Naaaah, why do that, when you can make people feel shame and embarassment and perpetuate trauma. Again, I am a grown-up now, and while this is legal and everything, I was conditioned to feel some level of shame nonetheless when talking about it irl (which I am working on). The whip I was writing about before (and the kneeling scene afterward)? It was a revolution in my brain. "So... That's a thing we can do...?"

(like that) I plan on doing some adult drawings in the future, but there's a part of me that resists the idea, because adult entertainment usually involves some level of dehumanization... But you know what? I want to take it back and make it about pleasure and enjoyment as it should be. Tbh, I could write a whole essay on the causes for all of the above and how they interact (patriarchy, capitalism, religions as power institutions, etc.), but this is not the place. So I'll just say that I am really, really grateful to Nishi for including this arc in a manga for a young audience, as those are important years to build a healthy relationship with pleasure and one's own body. And as Sullivan said...

I'm very much convinced that Nishi is doing a great job at sending messages for inclusion and social equality in M!IK, taking the role of educator herself. (Other reasons why I love the Music Festival arc are: Soi's story, Clara and Azz becoming closer, Iruma learning the piano, the appreciation of music itself, the immaculate art and more, but that's for another post!!!)

[maple-the-awesome]

We'll Meet Again...I Know When || Chapter 25

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x GN Reader

Words: 2,223

Overview: Given your old-fashioned personality and obsession with all things 1940s to 1980s, it’s no wonder that most people refer to you as an ‘old soul’ who would’ve rather lived back then than in the modern era. Little do they know, you already did, but with your previous life as Hollie Stark cut short, you’ve been left with some…unfinished business, to say the least. Top of your list? Finally getting to marry your thought-to-be-lost fiancé.

Series Masterlist 🤎 Marvel Masterlist 🤎 Fandom Masterlist

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT

The most stressful part of your week was supposed to be helping your cousin move today because that's what 'good family members do'. Aside from that, the forecast predicted easy sailing with wedding dress shopping with Pepper on Wednesday and binging your favorite TV show starting Thursday, but apparently, the universe decided to offer some friendly constructive criticism towards that plan.

When Pepper called you frantically explaining what had happened with Tony, you abandoned your plans with your cousin and raced to your future niece-in-law's side. You did your best to comfort her, although that was difficult considering your own anxieties over the matter. Nevertheless, you lied to keep the two of you sane, insisting that Tony's a trouble magnet yet clever and determined: he'll be back by dinner a little banged up, but sassy as ever. He has to because Stark's always bounce back somehow...You refuse to believe otherwise...

You returned home exhausted from moving boxes and feeling heavy emotions all day, however that's when this entire situation really got started. You about broke your hand punching Steve's face when he suddenly walked up on you in the hallway, scarring you half to death before you jumped into his arms crying your joy at seeing him again. You should've known then that he wasn't there at the Avengers compound for any good reasons, not after Berlin and Siberia...

Now you're here, slouched forward with your elbows on your knees and nails digging into your scalp as you wait anxiously on the Quinjet. Natasha, who's leaned back in her seat beside you, frowns empathetically as she counts each time your foot taps the ground. She explained everything to you already, yet none of it has made you feel any better. At least your stress isn't isolated, though.

The Quinjet's filled with an eerily silence, most keeping to themselves or in lone pairs like the two of you. It's suffocating to see everyone - Earth's mightiest heroes and protectors - so down and afraid. Sure, most of them had already been wary after Vision and Wanda were attacked in Scotland, but Banner showing up to warn them about this 'Thanos' guy didn't help. He's clearly been traumatized, so much so that even the Hulk is too fearful to appear, which means this is serious....reeeally serious...

"...You really don't have to come. We can turn around and drop your off somewhere safe with a plane ticket back -"

"- It's too late for that...This is a time-sensitive task. No one can afford to backtrack," you're quick to shake your head at Natasha's offer, sitting up straight with a heavy sigh, "Besides, what am I going to do at home? Pacing a hole into my carpet worrying about you guys? No, I'd rather help. If there's any way you think I can help, I'll do it."

Although your determination is respected, Natasha can't bring herself to smile - not when you aren't. Crossing her arms, she gives a sigh of her own, "Originally we weren't going to involve you. We didn't want to risk getting you in trouble or hurt, but your judgment might come in handy here. Your nephew's the one who made Vision. Who knows? Maybe you'll be able to figure out a solution for us."

"I'm offended, Nat. Using me for my assets? And here I was thinking you actually enjoy my presence," you nudge her arm with your elbow, your smirk obviously worn, however it's enough to make her own lips twitch.

"Well, that too. We've risked our lives together a few times before. It feels wrong facing danger without you anymore."

"I'm honored."

"How have you been holding up, (Y/n)?" Looking up at Steve as he approaches, you still can't get over how much he's changed without necessarily changing at all. The only big difference is his full beard, but it sure makes him look different compared to his normal baby face, "With Tony and everything? How's that been?"

You roll your eyes, "Maybe if you called him once in a while instead of acting like a pair of angsty teenagers going through your first break up -"

"- (Y/n), he's in space, isn't he?"

"Oh...Yeah, that..." You shuffle uncomfortably, wanting to curse him for reminding you, "Well, it's Tony...I'm just trying to trust that he'll be okay because really, I'm under too much stress right now to think otherwise."

Natasha and Steve share a concerned look, the former setting a hand on your shoulder with her best smile, "You know, on the bright side of all of this, at least you're getting to see Bucky again...Unless you're already taken by someone else, that is?"

She lifts your hand in front of her face, gazing over the diamond ring with her smile turning into a smirk. You beam proudly, "Nope, still loyal to my one true love. This is the ring he wanted to propose with - the one I told you about way back when."

"You were able to get it back?" Steve blinks in surprise, taking your hand gently to look it over himself.

"Yep! Turns out Howard and Tony had been holding onto it."

"Gotta say, Barnes has good taste," Natasha compliments.

"Doesn't he?" You play with the ring slightly, unable to wipe away your grin, however it does become a bit sad the more you study each diamond and stretch of silver, "...Say, what's our chances of dying anyways? 'can't say I'm looking forward to doing that again."

"Hopefully zero...but I can't make any promises," Steve answers honestly, "As the plan stands, you won't be involved in any battle yourself. I think your specialties are better suited helping the Wakandans figure out a solution for Vision instead."

Natasha leans against you playfully, trying to lighten the mood, "Although if you do decide to partake in the fun, I promise I won't let you die a virgin again."

You push her away, continuing to mess with your ring with a stubborn mumble, "I'll have you know I never died a virgin the first time."

"What?! With Barnes?!"

"Of course with James! ...We, uh...didn't wait for the wedding night, let's just put it that way and drop it."

"Nope! Too much information for me!" Steve puts his hands up, turning on heel to quickly escape the situation with a completely different - and more mortified - expression on his face in comparison to Natasha's mischievous grin.

"Oh my god! Where? When?! Ooo, was it good -?"

"- Nat, drop it!" You hiss while covering her mouth. Glancing around to ensure no one else had overheard the conversation, you sigh, "...Yes it was good..."

Closing your eyes, you lean back and echo out Natasha's laughter, your cheeks aflame. This is going to be a long flight...

You've seen some of Wakanda through the 'tours' Bucky would give you during your weekly video calls. You loved whenever he would introduce you to all his goat friends and their names or take you for 'walks' around the little village he's been staying at while pointing out landmarks, however being here in person makes you realize that those were all just sneak peeks of this magnificent country's true beauty.

You had thought the barrier surrounding Wakanda and keeping it hidden from outsiders was impressive, yet you feel like a child in a candy store now, trying to take in every detail of the massive buildings around you as well as the impressive aircrafts parked around the Quinjet. You know Bucky's friend and Wakanda's princess, Shuri, is clever because he's commented on it before, not to mention you've seen some of her tech in the background when he's done video calls in her lab, but surely one teenager didn't do all of this. Wakanda must be filled with geniuses which is a very exciting thought for yourself considering the idiots you've grown up around.

You're honestly hurt that no one seems to be sharing your enthusiasm. Yes, some of them have been here before, but how can they still not be amazed? If the outside is this grand, imagine what technology awaits inside or even right in front of you without your notice? That kind of buzz is nearly enough to sidetrack you from your reasons for coming here at all...nearly.

"How are we looking defense wise?" Steve goes right to business, following King T'Challa off the tarmac with the other Avengers in tow including yourself as you multitask between walking and admiring.

"You'll have my King's guard, the Border Tribe, the Dora Milaje, and..."

"One semi-stable, hundred year old man."

You're officially snapped out of your daze, more awestruck by Bucky than you ever could be anything science related (as much as you love your science). You weren't exactly sure when your paths would cross here, but the sooner the better, so you won't complain. How could you when he looks so good! His hair isn't in the typical bun he usually has it in, but it's clearly been washed recently and he's wearing a brand-new uniform as well, one you're guessing is for the 'occasion'.

Steve's the first to embrace his friend, although once he steps aside, Bucky's eyes seem to find yours immediately as if attached to some kind of magnet. He had been happy to see Steve yet lights up upon realizing that you're here, too. Within seconds he's stepping towards you, not having to go far since you're already rushing to him, filled with giddy laughter as you leap into his arms and let him spin you around with a laugh of his own.

Unlike his quick hug with Steve, Bucky holds onto you tightly, extending the moment for as long as he can because even though you guys just talked last week, he hasn't held you in two years; an unacceptable amount of time, if you ask him.

"...I've missed you..." He mumbles and you swear you can feel his smile against your shoulder; it's contagious.

You hold onto him tighter if that's possible, "I've missed you sooo much, James!"

"Okay, okay. Break it up, you two. The universe is in danger here and I don't know if this Thanos guy will find your puppy love as cute as we do," Natasha rolls her eyes, amused as you both break apart with tinted cheeks and bashful smiles, although a keen eye would notice you're still hand-in-hand.

"I didn't think you'd be here - why are you here?" Bucky whispers, the two of you following at the back of the group as it continues onward. He had been so taken back by seeing you that it didn't process in his mind right away that you have no need to be in Wakanda right now - not that your presence isn't a welcoming surprise, but this place could possibly turn into a war zone at any moment. Why the hell did Steve bring you here when you were perfectly safe in New York?

"I wanted to help," you reply simply with a shrug.

"It's dangerous -"

"- James, I'm an adult and smart enough to know what this situation entails. I'm also an honorary Avenger, therefore making it my job to protect the Earth and universe in whatever way I can," you stop walking temporarily to stand up on your tippy-toes and press a kiss to his cheek, "Plus, it was a good excuse to see you again."

"S-Still, you don't...- You don't even like fighting?" He blushes, forcing himself to keep walking in hopes that it will wear off his embarrassment.

"Well, luckily for you, I don't think I'm going to be fighting. The plan is for me to stick with Vision and get that pesky stone out of his head without it being fatal," you squeeze his hand, sending him your softest and most reassuring look, "...So don't worry, Bucky. I promise not to go chasing after you into danger this time, leaving more stupid for Steve and you to share."

"Thanks, darling," he replies sarcastically, swinging your arm slightly and running his gentle thumb over your fingers.

Although he doesn't say anything else on his own, you notice his steps get slower, almost stalling suddenly as he begins to fall out of line with you. Looking back, you also notice that his head is hung low, his eyebrows furrowed into an expression you can best describe as being...complex.

"...James?" It takes a moment for him to realize you said his name, merely giving a hum of acknowledgement once he does, "...It's not bothering you that much that I'm here, is it?"

Bucky hesitates before shaking his head and all those dazed thoughts inside it, "...N-No, I..."

You stop completely, not caring if you lose sight of the others. Instead, you take the time to face Bucky, silently holding both his hands in yours. He keeps his head down, thumb continuing to run along the soft skin on the back of your palm before lifting his gaze to meet yours with a bittersweet smile, "...I just never thought I'd get to see you again - in person, that is. I know we've kept in touch, but this is much better...even if I would've rather it be during better circumstances."

You return his smile, moving your hand to his cheek which you crest sweetly, "Let's hope we can stick together this time, after all, I like that little plan we drew up for our future house. I'd like to see it put into motion."

"...O-Of course."

NEXT CHAPTER ->

<- PREVIOUS CHAPTER

[adelrambles]

Ok SO. Let's talk Fast Forward!Bishop, because I have a lot of thoughts and conflicting feelings on the matter. Initially, I found FF!Bishop (or President Bishop, that might be easier,) a frustrating turn for his character-- and while indeed I do feel the execution in the actual show is lacking, upon review I think there are a lot of ideas at work here that are extremely compelling.

First and foremost, the concept of Bishop being a "good guy" at all inevitably hands us some very interesting ideas to chew on. After all, part of what makes Bishop originally so compelling is the fact that his motivations should align morally-good, but he is a monster in pursuit of them, despite this. So, then, President Bishop presents us with the idea that these motivations may eventually turn him morally-good. And how that might happen is super interesting to consider, too!

Looking at the development broadly-- and this is a trait that is apparent even before FF, in my opinion, but this change only cements it-- he prioritizes his goal of protecting earth above EVERYTHING. Even himself. He will do anything to achieve it. So, it follows, if the job requires him to change who he is as a person, he will do so. Especially if the job turns into becoming a public figure, a politician. What really sells it for me is that present-time Bishop is a lot more emotional than he may seem. He has fun with his fights, he gets angry at his failures, he blusters and threatens and he is fueled by a centuries-old fear. But President Bishop barely emotes; he is measured and polite and he is often wearing a blank expression. This suggests that he is far more in control of himself, which would be a necessity if he's trying to project a personality that is a fabrication.

(On that note, it's also an interesting thought as to what he might think of 2105's pacifism. From what we see in the wrestling episode, even staged fights have to be extremely toned down for modern sensibilities. Such excessive pacifism on earth, one might consider, was essentially Bishop's goal, but does it ever bother him? We know Bishop loves combat, he loves violence, he loves winning and inflicting pain. He's also like, a veteran, comes from times where violence was considered a necessity and then watched it become increasingly taboo. What must he feel, knowing the world he built would turn on him if he ever indulged in any violent whims?)

The broad idea is that Bishop will chameleon himself into whatever he needs to be in order to keep earth safe. This becomes further likely when you consider just how old this guy is! By the time FF rolls around he is over 330 years old, grew up in the late 1700s. In order to be so involved with the world, he'd have to be constantly adapting to changing times. Given how he seems to be doing just fine with that in both present and future, there's already a precedence for him to be able to adapt himself to fit his surroundings.

Another point I find extremely interesting here is that President Bishop lets us try and figure out what about present-day Bishop is actually genuinely him, by virtue of comparing and contrasting. Like discussed above, President Bishop is very measured and inexpressive. So, then, we can probably assume his sadistic nature and anger at failure are very much real.

The flip side to that is that we can apply some of Agent Bishop's methodolgy to President Bishop's government. We've seen how he runs things when he's not concerned with concealing the darker parts nor keeping up the image of a benevolent ruler. This is purely headcanon, but I don't believe all of that would just go away with a change of heart. If Bishop's goal requires he be president of Earth, he will undoubtedly have plans to ensure it stays that way no matter what. He may have been elected genuinely, but if ever he isn't, he will make sure it looks like he was.

No matter what, Bishop's character is that of a bad person working towards a good goal. President Bishop is still that, but in a different flavor. He's softened up around the edges, but he's also more fake than he's ever been. He will do anything to keep earth safe, and that hasn't changed.

Anyway, I think for all the SUPER interesting ideas at play, Fast Forward does not really capitalize on them. For example, Bishop should by all means be an unbeatable opponent in combat, but he is not really shown that way. I also think the absolute drama of Bishop trusting the turtles but them being afraid of him is sooooo interesting, and the fact that this conflict was brushed over so easily is MASSIVE missed potential.

I will probably have more thoughts to add onto this post later, but it's been in my drafts for a few weeks now so here take it have fun. I've been thinking about Fast Forward a lot lately so I will definitely have more to say

[honeybellexox]

IPK Character MBTI Typings

(So this has been in my notes for ages, I literally typed all this on my phone and I’m very sorry if it seems rushed, nonsensical or grammatically incorrect but just wanted to share this!)

Shyam Manohar Jha - INFJ 4w3

A very dark INFJ, think Scar from the Lion King or even Hans from Frozen, he’s very manipulative and persuasive. A trait that probably furthered his career as a lawyer, His Dominant Introverted Intuition function (NI) presents itself through his goal oriented mindset, he’s able to visualise what he wants and effectively plan to obtain his goal (very tunnel visioned at times…Khushi must be his, the Raizada wealth must be his etc). He is also very intuitive when it comes to the people around him, he’s one of the one who senses the tension between Khushi and Arnav, he’s the one who questions the legitimacy of their elopement, he also the one who intuitively picks up on Garima’s secret when he senses her nervousness around Dadi. His Extroverted Feeling (Fe) aids his manipulative tendencies; he’s a chameleon who can play the hero, he knows what people want to hear and can easily switch on the nice guy persona. He is very liked and respected by everyone around him; he easily charms Buaji and the rest of the Gupta family (note: Shashi being a good INFJ is the only one to see through his act, they both share the same MBTI type but Shyam is the evil manifestation). It’s his Fe that allows him to further manipulate Arnav when it’s revealed that he’s been involved with Khushi, easily twisting the truth and narrative (which he similarly does during the big reveal, weaponising th truth when all the evidence was pointing in his direction). His tertiary function Introverted thinking (Ti) shows in his meticulous detailed planning, such as stalking Khushi, getting rid of the threats of Shashi, kidnapping Arnav, planting cameras around the house, manipulating Anjali and murdering his own child (I’m sure I’ve missed a great deal of schemes!) however, as Ti isn’t Shyam’s dominant function, a lot of these plans are rather clumsy, ill thought out at times and tend to backfire (for instance, all the times he attempted to murder Anjali) . His inferior Extroverted sensing, is his hedonism, his physical attraction to Khushi, his love for luxury are his doom. When under pressure, he acts incredibly impulsively and this is what lead to his final downfall, when he eventually snaps and reveals his true nature.

Anjali Jha- ENFJ 2w1

Anjali is the kindest person in the Raizada clan (and perhaps the kindest character in the show), the most warm hearted and welcoming, she cares deeply for others emotions and is very accommodating. Other peoples emotions effect her greatly and she does everything to keep the unity within the family, if Arnav is the anchor of the family, Anjali is the heart, she’s also very emotive and animated when communicating. (Extroverted Feeling, Fe). Anjali isn’t credited for her intuitive abilities but she notices the potential relationship budding between Arnav and Khushi, and on many occasions she displays a deep insight of the emotional plight of the people around her (particularly Arnav’s moods) ; the scene she rightly calls out Arnav for sending Khushi to the guesthouse comes to mind “I can see you’ve placed your rude Arnav Singh Raizada mask on, to incite fear, however I can see my chote behind this mask’’ (Fe-NI) . Anjali is is very superstitious, overanalysing every potential omen such as when her mangalsutra breaks, she has a tendency to become obsessive over such things and negative future implications (Intorverted Intuition, Ni) Her attachment to her vision of Shyam blinds her, he’s so greatly infused into her future and dreams she cannot separate her personal vision from the truth. Anjali ultimately is a character who can see great potential around everyone around her, she sees potential in Khushi from the first time they meet (hence why she’s drawn to her…she sees that Khushi can help Lavanya and then later the potential between Khushi and Arnav’s love), she believes so deeply in the people around them and what they can grow into (Ni). Anjali believes in symbolism, a higher power and the ‘magic of life’ (viewing life through rose-coloured glasses) and she has a strong humanitarian streak as she’s shown always giving to charity, exercising kindness to the less fortunate, holding religious ceremonies and later running an N.G.O (Ni).Although, she’s has a loves celebrations and mischief, Anjali can have trouble noticing changes in her physical environment, she also struggles with standing her ground and can occasionally act recklessly, as seen when she begins secretly seeing Shyam and letting him into the home (Extroverted Sensing). Lastly, Anjali is shown to favour her emotions over facts/logic, she ignores all of Shyam’s inconsistencies and red flags and doesn’t piece his deception together, she was too quick to believe his words. She’stoo heart over head. (inferior Introverted Thinking).

NK - ESFP - 7w6

NK is very present, very alert and in the moment! He’s spontaneous, fun and full of life. He’s very energetic and engaged, especially physically. He notices subtle details in his surroundings like for instance when he is the first to point out that Shyam wears an unusual pendent around his neck, which prompts suspicions, he has no qualms actively involving himself in Khushi’s plan, even if that means snooping around in Shyam’s room. NK intense energy and childlike love for life is easily felt(Extroverted Sensing). NK doesn’t hold a grudge against Khushi after her marriage to Arnav and instead helps her in her investigation, he is a very kind and compassionate individual who again doesn’t need to verbalise his love but shows it through his actions. It’s also noteworthy, than NK has never expressly told Khushi that he likes her more than a friend or show his pain at her elopement, instead keeping his emotions private and guarding his pain, he quietly leaves (Introverted feeling) . He and Khushi work well together, both implementing and contributing to plans when the other struggles during the kidnap track (extroverted thinking …both NK and Khushi have this as their 3rd function and is something they struggle with individually), both NK and Khushi aren’t comfortable with leading and appreciate thinks being blatantly clear. And lastly, NK struggles with his intuition as he relies more on his external physical surroundings for information, however his intuition does flare up when he feels that Khushi is hiding the full extent of her dealings with Shyam during the kidnapping track however doesn’t follow up with the hunch, until it’s blatantly clear what Shyam feels for Khushi, that’s when he properly questions her (Inferior introverted intuition).

Payal Gupta/ Raizada- ISFJ - 6w7

Payal is very traditional, very dutiful and introverted. She has a down to earth quality and easy going nature (note: Arnav also has Si as is dominant function and both he and Payal do have a similar quality, both practical and rather chill..) She is keenly aware of her responsibilities and the expectations of her family. She has a hard time trusting Arnav at first and is hesitant to marry Akash due to the past history. She’s also shown finding it more difficult to assimilate into the Raizada family (compared to Khushi who is more adaptable), she’s uncomfortable at Arnav’s party before Khushi turns it desi, and after marriage is shown multiple times struggling with the change and feeling out of place (Introverted Sensing). Payal is very kind, friendly and compassionate, she is understanding of other people’s pain and forgives easily, her empathy is shown many times in the show, one occasion being the play; she sabotages the talent show so a contestant who needs the prize money could win, she also makes many efforts to appease Akash by trying to change herself for him, in order to fit in and connect more to his lifestyle (Extroverted feeling), it just doesn’t come as naturally to Payal as it does with Khushi because Payal has a more rooted and fixed personality (Introverted Sensing again). Payal is shown to be intelligent and intuitive in many occasions but unfortunately the show doesn’t give Payal much character development or moments to shine, but her initial distrust for Shyam shows evidence of both her last two weaker function also we can see that Payal thrive in the systems that have been pre-established, she understands ‘the rules’ and has no problems living within them. (Introverted thinking ). Payal is more susceptible to introversion, she’s hesitant to leave her comfort zone and struggles to adapt to her new lifestyle (after her marriage) living lavishly is a contradiction to Payal’s reserved nature. (Inferior Extroverted intuition).

Akash Raizada - INFP 2w3

Akash shows strong evidence of Introverted feeling (Fi) , he is polite, soft spoken and kind to the people around him but is also shown to follow his heart, he marries Payal against his mother’s wishes as he fiercely defending his love, Akash also has a rebellious as shown when he secretly meets her on NYE. Akash never influences anyone emotionally, he maintains a quiet respect towards peoples views and feelings for example when he drops Khushi home, he never once judges her for expressing her dislike towards Arnav, instead he simply listens and offers gentle compassion. Negatively, his Fi shows after his marriage, he doesn’t really help accommodate Payal well to his lifestyle and is shown to be self centred at times, for example when Payal is panicked regarding a high end party and worried about the dress code/fitting in (Payal’s Fe), instead of helping her with the dresses; Akash leaves her to her own accord simply stating that she’ll be the best looking regardless of what she wears (his Fi) …this shows that Akash independent and values individualism over fitting in at the expense of Payal’s comfort. His extroverted intuition (Ne) is expressed in his language, he’s very passive and communicates very openly in contrast to someone like Arnav who communicates in commands (Te). He’s very helpful and offers alternative insights, he doesn’t oppose Khushi and can easily see both sides of the coins (A&K). He can easily offer an alternative perspective and offers insightful advice. His friendship with Bubbly also highlights his Ne. Akash’s third function Introverted sensing (Si) is shown in his work ethic and his disconnection to the environment (as it’s a weaker function), he can come across as complacent at times. Akash’s weakest function is Extroverted Thinking (Te), which is why he admires his brother so much (who expresses a very strong Te) he admires Arnav’s leadership skills, efficiency and logic. Akash himself lacks strong leadership skills and finds it difficult to voice commands, he is eager to learn from his brother and blindly follows orders like when Arnav gets Akash to sign the divorce papers, Khushi is disturbed that Akash wouldn’t question his brother ..Akash’s reply is why would he? He respects that his brother values facts and logic over anything, which is a notion he also respects.

Lavanya Kashyap- ESFP 3w4

Lavanya is all about fashion, fun and love! She lives in the present, everything is about the here and now. She loves living lavishly and has a keen sense of her environment, she’s very observant (she refers to Khushi as ‘chamkili’ which is because Khushi visibly wears sparkly clothes) She like NK has intensity, an intensity for living life to the fullest. She loves to party, is diligent and her has strong ambitions that she works for. She’s very good at engaging and motivating Khushi; Khushi experiences so many new things due to La’s pushing (she gets Khushi dressed up, they go to a party etc), La’s not a passive friend, she tries to actively engage Khushi in everything she does (Extrovert sensing, Se). Lavanya is fuelled by her own emotions, she’s not influenced by the outside world and traditions, she’s very happy in having a live in relationship with Arnav despite it being a social taboo. All of La’s attempts in ‘fitting in’ and impressing Nani are because of her love for Arnav, that’s the sole reason and motivator…she’s not genuinely wanting to change (although, later her fondness for Khushi makes the process more enjoyable, and is why she keeps some of the changes not because she cares for society). Once she learns that Arnav loves Khushi, she leaves amicably, she doesn’t blame anyone for their feelings. Instead, she leaves in a dignified manner. Her loyalty to her friendship with Khushi is still strong but her Fi does not allow her to unfairly judge anyone, she feels it’s fair and right to leave without much commotion (Introverted feeling). La has no problem calling people, she’s blunt and straightforward, can easily take up a leadership position. She likes things to be straightforward and clear, and sometimes can be too harsh when under stress (Extroverted thinking, Te) . Her last function is Introverted intuition (Ni), she’s not naturally a deep, philosophical thinker…nor does she think obsess over her future much, as shown when Khushi stresses the importance of marriage and La freaks out because she never thought of the future implications, it also takes her while to sense the bond between Arnav and Khushi (Ni).

Edit : Shashi is also an INFJ but a good version.

I think Dadi is an ISTJ but with a matured and developed feeling function.

Manorama - ESTP/ESFP

Garima - ISFJ / ISFP

Buaji - ESFJ

[whimsicalpoet44]

For this, could you explain 17 degrees in mars? I have mars in Aries 12th house and was wondering if that connects to fame or because I don’t have the other placements it doesn’t matter.

5, 17, 29 Degree Placements: Commonly known as the "fame degrees."

Of course! :)

One way to look at 12th house placements is to think of them as areas or things in your life that you weren't allowed to explore or express openly and safely. Typically, there's fear associated with their expression. (ex. I have sagittarius mars in the 12th. I struggle with being angry. I make a lot of excuses for the people I love and let things slide until resentment builds and I end up in a bad situation. I wasn't allowed to show anger safely in my home as a kid, I was told to "forgive and forget.")

Aries Mars - 12th House

Mars in Aries in the 12th house indicates problems with expressing your anger/desires in a healthy way or a healthy outward expression. There's a heavy restless energy associated with this placement. Anger wasn't a safe emotion to show.

You also may have a stop/go pattern of life. Sometimes you can go right for what you want. Other times, you struggle to even get the motivation.

You can avoid your emotions by throwing yourself into every day activities, not allowing yourself time to sit down and process your emotions. You may also become defensive when confronted with something you aren't ready to explore. You will eventually, but it can cause a lot of resistance and angst in the process.

Your self-talk can begin with "I can't." Try reframing this by figuring out what it would take. Instead of saying "I can't complete this task. because it's overwhelming" Say "I can complete this task by making small and manageable steps to work on everyday."

The benefits? You have a rock solid will. Mars in Aries also feels at home because Mars rules Aries. You're also likely to confront inner fears before outward appearing fears, because you don't have any issue analyzing you psyche. You're good in crisis and once you confront you fears, you can overcome just about anything. You need a physical way to externalize this anger (Working out, screaming in your car, martial arts, physical therapy, etc)

In the 17th Degree

17 degrees is a Leo degree, so it would be considered a fame degree. 17 degrees is notorious for gaining long-term fame or wealth.

You can become fixated on daydreaming or being obsessed with the future. You may formulate a plan without accounting for everything or everyone involved first.

Your action oriented. You must be diligent about living in the present while also trying to plan for the future. Don't let the dream get ahead of you.

If you have an Aries stellium, this can give a broader view to a lesson or theme in your life as well. (Esp if you have an Aries NN or MC)

Buuuut, you are also probably bold. Which can aid you in any plans for aspiring to reach high places. Your work ethic may be noticed or garner attention. Or even your creative process.

(It may also indicate fame from a partnership -usually romantic- of some kind)

It doesn't promise fame, but it can indicate getting noticed. Usually with themes associated with this placement. It can be positive or negative! It just depends.

I hope that answered your question!

[lenaschin]

Viewing Response 5: Alice in Borderland

I will expand upon Ahmed, Fenton, Hardy, and Das’ “Binge Watching and the Role of Social Media Virality towards Promoting Netflix’s Squid Game” in my analysis of Alice in Borderland. While their work mainly focuses on the circulation of popular shows (Squid Game) through social media, they also highlight the audience’s direct interaction with media as the true source of “virality.” The authors note a parallel between social media users’ feelings of connection to influencers and TV viewers’ emotional involvement in the show’s characters. It is essential to dissect how certain television series are able to evoke a heightened sense of engagement from their viewers, as not all are successful. Like online influencers and promoters, the creators of Alice in Borderland (and other filmmakers) utilize carefully chosen (in this case, cinematic) techniques to increase the audience’s connection with their content. I will focus on the techniques present in a scene at the climax of the episode–frozen in fear, Arisu hides alone in a corner as the ‘wolf’ in hide and seek, while the lambs–his two best friends and Shibuki–search for him throughout the arena (only the wolf survives). After Karube angrily yells at Arisu (who sits, curled up, under gloomy blue lights) through the group headphones, all the boys suddenly quiet down. We hear slow, classical music and the screen switches between bright flashbacks of the three friends–they laugh, riding a bike through the city at night and plan their futures over a beer–back to Arisu’s blue, tear-stained face and Karube’s melancholy, blood-stained smile in their gruesome present. After this reflection, Arisu begs his friends to let him die, stating that they are truly all he has. Just like Arisu, Chota and Karube also recognize the true centrality of their friendship after taking a step back from the game and thinking back on their time together--the boys remain silent so Arisu won't find them, and thus sacrifice their own lives for his. The switch from their game-induced violence to shared desire to save one another among all of the boys highlights the strength of their friendship, particularly within a life-or-death game whose aim is their own self-destruction. Through this choice in editing and narrative arrangement, we not only learn more about the protagonist, but also his friends, who later die. Alongside this, the dark, cold lighting, somber music, and image choice (all boys shown separately–they are physically and emotionally alone), make the audience feel the same hopelessness that the characters do, and heighten our shock when Karube and Chota pass. This scene utilizes cinematic choices to create the “thrilling” and “anticipating nature” of shows that effectively generates audience engagement and ultimately, the show’s ‘viral’ success (229). The heightened emotion and shock-factor of this scene generate emotional responses that simply can’t be contained. The audience can’t help but engage with other viewers and non-viewers, increasing the “networks” of the show and the chance of others, who may have otherwise been unaware of the series, starting it (229). Alice in Borderland is thus an example of the authors' notion of TV shows, such as Squid Game, that generate virality.

#oxyspeculativetv @theuncannyprofessoro

[lilacmermaid25]

Ted Lasso Fanfic Challenge 2023 - January

A new year, a new set of challenges! I hope these ones will inspire more of you to take part!

January’s Challenge:  Death & the Afterlife

The Rules: There are none, EXCEPT that your piece must deal with death, and any of the events or spectrum of emotions that it can bring. Show Nate grieving a loved one he lost long ago, or Henry meeting in his dreams the grandfather he never knew. Write about Ted soothing Hank as he was put down, or Rebecca unable to recall the last time she spoke with Paul. Consider the first patient Dr Kent ever lost, or Sharon treating someone who is thinking of suicide. Think about Higgins crying when the entire Greyhound family comes to Julie’s funeral, or Keeley planning a funeral that helps her fear death less. Show Phoebe being afraid of cemeteries, or Deborah treasuring her weekly visit to her husband’s grave. Write about Sassy coming back from a near-death experience, or Trent asking somebody to raise his daughter if he dies. Consider Nora’s profound relief upon Rupert’s death, or Jamie crying non-stop when Mr. Tartt dies. Think about the Crown & Anchor’s uncertain future after Mae’s death, or Ted being sad when Ms. Shipley dies, even though she was always yelling at him. Show Roy writing a bucket list, now that he sees a future for himself after football. Write about Rupert arguing when the Grim Reaper comes for him, or Sam greeting death as an old friend after a long and happy life. Consider Beard exploring the afterlife, or a reincarnation fic involving Mr. Lasso. Or, if you’d prefer, think about an idiom related to death, such as died laughing or you’re dead to me or a fate worse than death.

Any character, any setting, any premise - anything goes! I’m calling it January’s challenge, but there is absolutely no deadline. And no word limit either - make it a drabble or a one-shot, or the longest multi-chapter you’ve ever written. (I can’t claim to need new things to read these days, but I love multi-chapters all the same). It doesn’t even need to be fic - I’d be thrilled if any of these challenges inspired a gifset or some other form of fanart!

Want to participate but aren’t able to write something at the moment? That’s fine too! Just describe what you’d like to write about for this month’s challenge. I’m curious what ideas all of you have in your heads!

Please add your fic to the AO3 collection HERE, and tag it with Ted Lasso Fanfic Challenge anywhere else you post!

Feel free to check out any of my prompts if you’re looking for inspiration. I hope to create a Masterpost with all of them in one place soon!

Bonus Challenge: Feel like setting an additional challenge for yourself? Send  me an Ask and I’ll give you a character/setting/premise!

Good luck!

Previous Challenges:

2022

[appreciatingtokrev]

i'm currently working on a kokonoi/kazutora piece because i was struck by a very weird but very motivating struck of inspiration, so. it's hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending (at least those are my plans-). i've written about 1k now, started two scenes, one certainly unfinished, one maybe. anyways, i need to gush abt the parts i'm the most proud of somewhere, so i'm doing it on here. enjoy!!

the red parts are the things i am most particularily proud of n will talk abt, the other bits mostly provide (some, at least) context,,

,,To be honest’’, he says, and turns his head to look at Hajimes face, ,,I never thought I’d make it to twenty-seven. People love to ask, What are you going to do when you’re all grown up? I didn’t know, thought I’d be dead soon, anyway. Just said I’d like to open a tattoo shop, so they’d shut up.’’

,,Well, what would you like to do now? In a year? When you’re all old and frail?’’ He smirks, but the emotion doesn’t reach his eyes. They remain empty. Soon, his gaze turns away again.

,,I don’t know. Open a tattoo shop, maybe.’’

,,How would you like to die, Kazutora?’’ Hajime looks at him.

(now, there's a LOT to unpack here. they are having wild late night talks, after all. well, first of all, kazutora basically admits to have wanted to die his whole life. he says he'd tell people he'd want to open a tattoo shop in particular, and koko picks that up, obviously. he, too, asks him what he'd like to do later. kazutora answers with opening a tattoo shop. and now, you see, koko listened to him. he knows that kazutora still wants to die. he still doesn't plan his future. and because of that, he asks, how do you want to die? maybe it's so he can prevent it. maybe he's just curious. but he listens, he understands, and he accepts. and kazutora loves him for that. he's sure chifuyu (who he has unresolved tension with in this fic, that i'll hopefully resolve in a platonic subplot) would've not gotten the message, or at least acted out on it.)

He has to tear his gaze away from Kazutora, not bold enough to look. Not bold enough to see if his eyes finally show dislike.

(kokonoi is a coward. he knows, he's always been. he's very afraid of fucking up and losing someone who's important to him in the process again (inupi). and he doesn't really believe that anyone could love him, without some kind of resentment or bitterness or whatever involved.)

Suddenly, he feels a warm hand on his cheek. It applies some pressure, slowly turning his face towards Kazutora’s. He’s smiling. It’s genuine, and it reaches his eyes.

,,I told you to look at me, Koko. I won’t hurt you. I won’t be hurt.’’

Hajime’s heart skips a beat. He feels the other’s breath touch his face, making his skin crawl. He doesn’t dislike it, though. It’s just unusual. If he were bold enough, he’d lean in, but he isn’t. All he’s ever been is a coward.

Kazutora lets go of his cheek and turns his head away to stare into the distance. The moment is over, and Kokonoi regrets. He looks at his half-empty glass of wine and drinks until there’s no liquid left.

(you guys can't imagine just how proud i am of the i won't hurt you. i won't be hurt. !! koko mostly needs the reassurance that he won't hurt tora, not as much the other way around, but kazutora makes sure to provide both. i think that kokonoi heavily blames himself for all that's happened between him and inupi and he feels really bad about it all. he fears that he'll accidentally hurt the people he loves most again and thus has difficulty getting closer to others. kazutora is afraid of the exact same thing (..among others. fr, he's really just some silhouette, filled with trauma and other mental problems to the brim), so he understands, and he reassures him accordingly. the other lines are about kokonois cowardice again. another thing that's haunted him for most of his life, another thing that ruined what inupi and he'd had. he's working on it, though. i'm also quite proud of the regret line, don't really know why. regret is a rather big thing in this piece (as well as learning to accept it), so maybe that's why.)

,,Koko is different. He actually listens to me. You don’t’’, Kazutora murmurs.

,,I... Tora-’’

,,Don’t fucking Tora me. Maybe I’d tell you more about him, if you told me more about yourself, too. You’re as dense as a brick wall, I don’t have a clue what you’re feeling, all I know is it’s not good. But all you ever do is keep quiet and try to do everything by yourself’’, he explains, intently looking at the man in front of him. He breathes in, deep. ,,Didn’t you learn from Baji?’’

Chifuyu looks at him, shock in his eyes. He opens his mouth but remains silent. Kazutora runs away and locks himself in the bathroom.

(as stated before, kokonoi listens. chifuyu tries, but doesn't manage. he can't pick up on the small hints tora gives, while koko can. (also, random, but i'm actually a huge kazufuyu shipper (they're my biggest ship in this fandom, tbh, lol) and i don't necessarily agree with this normally, but it really fits this fic and they're totally platonic in this anyway, so. yeah) chifuyu canonically does that. baji did, too. and if you felt like that baji line hit you over the head with a brick, it did what it was intended to do!! well, i'm really really proud of this line, because aaaa adgjjfgjgfdhhs the fucking tension. the audacity. the hurt. the pain. the angst. and the fact that kazutora is right but chifuyu can't admit it and aaaaa. also, tora took a deep breath to emotionally prepare himself for saying that sentence, and also to decide on wheter to actually do it or not. and then he fucking did.)

[250813soulmates]

7th March 2024

Have I been truly better or am I just better at understanding philosophies? Life is still a constant struggle between being zen and falling out of it. My colleague asked recently, "What is your greatest fear?" and I answered "Losing my sanity".

Well, I'm hanging by a thread and constantly suppressing... or rather allowing all of these negative emotions to run through me and observing them from afar.

Doing my best to accept these emotions as it is, to experience them knowing that the universe is interconnected and it is all part of a bigger plan... to realize how life is simply a dance between the yin & the yang... or rather to simply not try. To be present with an attitude of gratitude, knowing that the past and future are just concepts & the only reality is now. To flow and to be.

The fact that I'm typing and planning to post this shows that I've already fallen out of zen at this point in time. Which happens a lot on my only social media platform left, Instagram. Typically I'll feel guilty for not being healed and end up deleting all my philosophical and even lifestyle posts/stories. Posting philosophical videos and quotes made me feel like I'm trying to prove to people that I've evolved. Posting about anything else made me feel like I was seeking attention and some sort of validation in my life. I hate it.

Can you see my struggle? I know I shouldn't even be trying to heal if I truly want to be free because this is all but a concept. I am the universe and we are all me.

Yet, haven't I tried hard enough? For 10 fucking years and beyond if we involve the bad parenting part of my childhood. Heck, my entire life. I literally documented almost my entire journey here and I can clearly see how far I've come. I'll probably go back to zen tomorrow but as of now I'm thinking, is this the reason why the ones that take their own life are usually the ones with the least signs? My colleague said "I think you're the most stable here" and "I think you're the only one without an ego". Nice.

I'm fucking sure my knowledge of what should be done far surpass what any therapist or psychiatrist could give me. For I am strong and brave enough to take my own life, I should also be strong and brave enough to keep my life.

I'm hanging by a thread.

[hccv1ktoriyarylyk]

Disagreeing with your BO$$ 101

I have a question about respectfully disagreeing with your boss in meetings. My boss is director of communications for the hospital, but I serve as the spokesperson for media during crises. When something happens, all the leaders, including my boss and me, will meet to make a plan of action.

It’s not often I disagree with my boss, but sometimes I do. I am not so conceited that I think I am always right, but I think it is valuable for my senior leaders to know that there are other approaches to crisis communications. Part of my position description notes I should be advising senior leaders, and I want to make sure they know I am available to advise!

The last time I disagreed with her, I think I was too emotional (because I knew I would be on the on-the-record spokesperson), and I fear I came off insubordinate. It caused a little tension between us. I apologized for disagreeing and we moved on, but how can I offer another opinion in these meetings? Is it as simple as saying, “To offer another opinion, blah blah blah.” Do I say my opinion and then shut my mouth? Or, do I wait until after these meetings? I just fear that plans of action are put into place during the meetings, so to wait until after may be too late to change the course of action.

Giving feedback or another opinion to your boss may be scary at times but in order to work in a healthy community, communication is essential. In order to effectively give your boss constructive feedback without showing any signs of disrespect to them, there are a couple of important steps to follow.

Show appreciation before stating out the problem. Be thankful for their input and try to point out the positives in their opinion instead of attacking them directly. Make sure your boss knows that you respect them and their ideas and would not want to interfere aggressively into their plan.

Point out the negatives. Giving constructive criticism usually helps improve any plan which is why I think is it important to speak up whenever you do not agree with something or would like to add important points.

Offer a solution to the problem you think there is and make sure to keep it positive at this point. Ask for their opinion of your idea and see if you agree or disagree. This way you are not just enforcing your ideas into the meeting but making it a group effort and getting other people involved which makes the final work really feel like teamwork and shows everyone can work together in order to have the best output/product.

If your boss disagrees, do not be afraid to ask questions on why this would not work in order to learn for next time. Instead of being nervous, try to stay calm and confident. Note that I said CONFIDENT, and not cocky. Everything you say has to have a respectful tone, otherwise your boss will think that you are trying to overthrow them, which will not build you a good reputation and make effect your bosses treatment towards you in the future.

When it comes to timing it really depends on the situation. Sometimes stating out your opinion in a group of people might work for you since the rest of the group could defend your POV and agree with you infront of the boss or the opposite. You have to really be able to read the room in these types of cases. If you are a socialy anxious person then it is better to approach your boss after the meeting and calmly state out your point of view.

Good Luck!!!

[motherearthsarms]

 When I had my son I was a single mother living in a homeless shelter for women and pregnant women and women with babies, and I didn't know what the future was going to look like. Immediately after my son was born I felt an immediate change in myself that I couldn't explain to anyone. I felt an anxiety because of the pressure to vaccinate right away without learning anything about mine and my son's rights. The anxiety grew and when I brought back to the shelter there was a deep depression that washed over me. I had already enrolled in nursing school and was planning on working as well to get us out of the shelter. How was I to do that now? How where ever going to be a mother with these feelings let alone become a nurse? I didn't have the privilege of having parents that could help with housing or babysitting and that added to the sense of loneliness. I was so tired because of the new sleep (or lack there of) schedule that the fatigue caused me to lean into the depression and eventually I found no hope. Eventually I started feeling suicidal and paranoid. These additional symptoms caused me to share less and pretend more. I didn't want anyone to know that this gift of having baby was being wasted on me. I was scared that someone was going to take my child if they knew the thoughts that were running through my head. It was suggested that I take steps to getting counseling, and I did. My counselor wasn't a good fit but I never said anything. They put me on medication based of my fear driven information instead of the truth that I was still scared to share. It wasn't working but I didn't have the strength to continue, and because I didn't know I had postpartum, I didn't even know where to go. I went untreated and suffered through by self medicating with alcohol. Than I had more children.

I was pregnant with my second child and first daughter with a marriage that was falling apart after 2 years. I was determined to keep my family together and started micromanaging the household because I knew what was to come after birth. When I entered my 3rd trimester I started feeling those unhealthy feelings of suicide, deep loneliness, anger and self disgust bubbling up. I was alone in my marriage and again even being married I was alone in my pregnancy. After I had my daughter I a week that I felt like my hormones and emotions were stable and easy to redirect, and than the bottom dropped. I couldn't redirect my thoughts and I felt that I couldn't breathe. The paranoia was overwhelming and I wasn't letting anyone have my children for long periods of time and I didn't trust anyone with them. At the same time as isolating my children I also wanted nothing more than to be away from them. I worked a business with my husband at the time with no days off. I continued to push through the running of our business in our home and drowning in a fog of despair. I started again drinking to take the edge off and to feel normal during family get togethers and hanging out with friends who loved speaking on their wonderful support systems and experiences. I felt even more alone but with the help of a good white or red I could pretend very well. I started losing friends and becoming more harsh and dismissive of others. I started hiding out and not showing up for things. That allowed me to lean into my psychosis and paranoia even deeper. I struggled to hold my daughter who was very colicky and didn't sleep for long periods of time. I was missing out on my son's growing up. I wanted to be able to function but I didn't know where to go and I was living in an area that believed in the mask way of life and transparency and honesty were not safe in this culture. This is when I started researching my symptoms and if there was anything I could do. My daughter was 6 months old by this point. I got involved in a Facebook group where I felt a little more connected. I struggled with postpartum severely for 3 years. I started dipping my toe into seeking the Creator.

I found out I was pregnant with our third child, I was seeking God on almost a daily basis. I was studying more so than actually really applying spirituality. I was so angry that I had a marriage that was broken and I was in denial about it, I was angry over the void of connection with my kids being able to have that happy moment, but I was studying. I was scared the first 2 trimesters, because I knew that if it got worse with my second child than I need to get all of my resources together and I added some spiritual elements just as devotionals and church. I quickly realized after April was born that I was experiencing the same anger and resentment that I had before. I also was experiencing the great loss that comes when you aren't connected to your baby. I started shutting myself in even more and I didn't reach out because the absolute shame and guilt that I felt as a mother and my thought process was so embarrassing and dark that fell back into feeling alone, having delusions and lashing out in anger because of fear, hormones and mental and emotional imbalances. When my daughter was a little over 1 I found out I was pregnant again and guess what it was 2020!

The lock down was announced and so was my big news. I was in such a fog and I could barely see my feet everyday, but nothing could stop I had to figure out how to keep our contracting business going, Homeschool, and by that time the bandaids were coming off the broken bones of my marriage. I didn't know what would be available the only thing I could communicate at that time was I wanted my tunes removed after my 4th. I made sure I made that clear. I knew she was going to be a beautiful blessing but also was aware that there was a darkness over our home and my mental and emotional state of mind would not be able to handle any more children. I had to have an emergency C-Section, during COVID, voting time and a marriage that I knew was over. For the next 7 months I was a wreck I started drinking more and more and lashing out more and more. I finally said enough was enough. I wanted to get better and be the mother I was created to be without the noise that was currently around me. I started diving deep into my recovery. I took it seriously and each resource I went to led me to another very helpful resource and connection. I finally realized that this was fatal and I needed to care for my spiritual, emotional and mental health in order heal and truly give my kids a healthy mom.

Now that I am clear and in counseling still I realized that when you tell someone that you are experiencing postpartum depression or psychosis the first suggestion you get is to get into counseling and get your resources. I know that even gathering information when you are still in a state like is the true challenge. Soft direction and accountability was needed and I didn't have that support. So this is why I decided I wanted to help others navigate and recover. I am a mother that went through it that has now made her mission to help other women.

#postpartum #Coaching #depression #anxiety #psychosis #mental #health #wellness #spiritual #growth #selfcare

[todaysarticle]

DON’T BUY CRYPTOCURRENCY Until You READ This

FUTURE OF CRYPTOCURRENCY Alright, folks, buckle up for a wild ride into the digital wonderland of Cryptocurrency! We're talking about those magical internet coins that have shaken up the financial world since the legendary Bitcoin showed up in 2009. Now, don't worry if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed – we'll break it down for you, step by step.

What is Cryptocurrency

Imagine virtual currencies zooming around the digital universe, and that's what cryptocurrency is! No big boss or central authority controls them; it's like a party where everyone's invited to play nice. These nifty coins use blockchain tech, which makes transactions super transparent, secure, and as unchangeable as a grumpy cat's attitude. The Risks Involved  Now, folks, before you throw your life savings into this crypto-craze, let's be real about the risks. The crypto world can be as crazy as a squirrel on espresso. Prices go up and down faster than a yo-yo on steroids. Yeah, you could make a fortune, but you might also end up crying in your coffee. Research and Due Diligence  Listen, my friends, if you're gonna dip your toes into the crypto pool, do your homework! Dig deep, and I mean deeper than a mole hunting for treasure. Know what a cryptocurrency does, who's behind it, and why it even exists. Knowledge is power, my friend. Identifying Reliable Exchanges  Picking the right exchange is like choosing your dance partner. You want someone trustworthy, secure, and with a good selection of dance moves – I mean, cryptocurrencies. Coinbase, Binance, and Kraken are like the cool kids in the crypto party. They've got a good reputation, and that's gold in this wild west. Scams and Frauds  Be smart, people! Don't fall for the snake oil salesmen promising you Lambos overnight. Things that look too wonderful to be true usually are! Keep your personal info to yourself, and don't let those shady characters trick you out of your hard-earned cash. Diversify Your Portfolio  Alright, imagine you're at an all-you-can-eat buffet, and instead of loading up on one dish, you grab a bit of everything. That's diversification! In the crypto world, spreading your investments can be like having an armor against the crazy price swings. Investing in the Long Term  Patience, young Padawan! Quick gains are tempting, but remember, the crypto rollercoaster can be wild. Some coins take time to reach their full potential. So think long-term, like planning a road trip with lots of crypto pit stops. Stay Updated with Market Trends  Newsflash, folks! The crypto world moves faster than a caffeinated cheetah. Stay in the loop, read up on the latest gossip, uh, I mean news, from reliable sources. It's like keeping tabs on your favorite soap opera – except the drama affects your money. The Role of Regulation  Oh, regulation, the party pooper! Different countries have different rules for cryptocurrencies. Know the law of the land, so you don't end up in hot water with the authorities. Nobody wants that, right? Secure Your Cryptocurrencies  Keep your digital loot safe, people! It's like guarding a treasure chest from pirates. Hardware wallets and secure software wallets are your bodyguards against those sneaky hackers and snoopy snoops. Recognize Market Manipulation  Picture this: big whales swimming around, making waves in the crypto ocean. Yeah, that's market manipulation! Be on the lookout for those pump-and-dump schemes. Don't get caught in their net like a clueless fish. Avoid Emotional Trading  No room for emotions in this crypto rodeo, partner! Fear and greed are like quicksand – they'll swallow you whole. Stay calm and collected, trade with a clear mind, and don't let your heart do the talking. Embrace the Blockchain Revolution  It's not just about making moolah, folks! Blockchain technology is reshaping the world, from supply chains to fancy decentralized finance stuff. Embrace the revolution, and who knows, you might end up changing the world too!

Cryptocurrency World: Your Ticket to Thrilling Rewards!

  Hey there, fellow adventurer in the realm of wealth-building! Have you ever wondered how to grow your money exponentially? Like, turn it into something bigger and better without having to wear a cape and fight crime? Well, look no further because I've got some exciting news that might just tickle your fancy! Now, you must have heard your parents and pals jabbering about investing your hard-earned cash. The "how," "where," and "why" of it all can be a head-scratcher, right? But guess what? I've got a simple answer that'll knock your socks off: Cryptocurrencies! I know what you're thinking, "Cryptowhaaat?" But hold your horses, that sounds like a scene from a science fiction movie! Cryptocurrencies are the real deal, and they come with incredible risk/reward ratios.  Picture this: the upside could skyrocket to 100 times your investment or even more! And the best part? Only the amount you invest can be lost. No nasty surprises there! But wait, it gets better! There's no VIP line you have to queue up for to get in on this action. You can start with a mere ten bucks! Yep, you read that right. A 10-dollar bill could be your ticket to the crypto rollercoaster! Now, I get it. Crypto might seem as confusing as deciphering ancient hieroglyphs, or as scary as the ghost stories your grandma tells you. When I first stepped foot into this crypto wonderland, I was just as lost as a penguin in the desert. However, rest assured that I got your back. Let me introduce you to the Cryptocurrency Jedi Master, Dirk de Bruin, and his brilliant team of experts. They've been on a tireless mission to help you avoid the blunders that many folks make when they dive into the crypto sea. And boy, oh boy, have they got something special for you! Dirk de Bruin has packed all his unique and invaluable knowledge into a mind-blowing masterclass. Brace yourself; it's like getting a backstage pass to the crypto concert of a lifetime! Not only will you learn the basics of crypto, but Dirk will also spill the beans on the next three coins he's personally putting his moolah into. Now, I recognize that you may be asking, "What's the catch? How much will this mind-expanding journey cost me?" Fear not, my friend! For a limited time only, this cosmic crypto experience is 100% FREE! Yes, you heard that right – a trip to the moon without spending a single dime! Now, if I were you, I'd drop everything and click that link below faster than a jackrabbit on roller skates. It may very well determine your financial future! And who knows, you might just stumble upon the secret to unlocking more riches than a leprechaun's pot of gold. Sponsored... Simple 3-Step Strategy To Make HUGE Gains In 2023/2024 Crypto Bull Market (Up To 150x) >>> Click Here to embark on the FREE Masterclass and uncover the three upcoming coins that could pave the way to your financial success! >>> CLICK HERE to Make HUGE Gains In Crypto Bull Market (Up To 150x)   So, what are you waiting for? Let's dive headfirst into this exhilarating crypto adventure! But remember, no buying crypto until you've experienced Dirk's eye-opening masterclass. It's like the holy grail of crypto knowledge, without the knights and the quest.  Go on, seize this golden opportunity, and let's ride the waves of financial success together! Until we meet again, happy crypto hunting, my savvy friend! May the blockchain be with you!   What Crypto to Buy Now: Make $100 a Day Trading Cryptocurrency

Hey there, fellow crypto adventurers! Today, we're diving deep into the digital treasure trove of cryptocurrency to uncover the hottest picks worth considering. But fear not, as your trusty crypto guide, I'll make sure to keep things simple and clear, so even your grandma can understand what's going on! - Bitcoin (BTC): The Crown Jewel Ah, Bitcoin, the big boss of the crypto realm! They call it BTC, and it's the OG of digital currencies. This bad boy brought us the blockchain, a nifty technology making money moves safer and transparent. Why does everyone love Bitcoin? Well, besides being the coolest kid on the crypto block, it's scarce like a needle in a haystack, with only 21 million coins ever available. So, it's like having a limited edition collectible, except way more valuable! - Ethereum (ETH): The Smart Cookie Now, let's talk about Ethereum, represented by the token ETH. It's more than just a crypto; it's like a digital playground where super-smart folks can create cool apps using smart contracts. No middlemen are involved – it's like cutting out the nosy neighbors from your business! Hold on tight because Ethereum's getting an upgrade! Version 2.0 is coming, and it's going green! Proof-of-stake is the name of the game, making transactions faster and greener than a trendy eco-friendly smoothie. - Cardano (ADA): The Brainy Blockchain Say hello to Cardano, my friend! ADA is the crypto that loves brainy stuff. It's all about the academics and peer reviews, making sure everything's top-notch. With its fancy layered structure, Cardano can handle business like a boss, and it's super secure. Plus, Cardano's got some community love going on, so you know it's the real deal. Trust me, you'll want this brainy blockchain in your crypto portfolio! - Binance Coin (BNB): The VIP Access Pass Picture Binance Coin, or BNB, as the golden ticket to the crypto carnival! It's the native currency of one of the wildest and most popular exchanges in town – Binance. And hey, not only do you get to trade with style, but BNB's got other tricks up its sleeve. Ever heard of Binance Smart Chain? It's like a speedy race car track for transactions and dApps. And you thought you could only have fun at amusement parks! - Solana (SOL): The Speed Demon Ready for some crypto turbo boost? Meet Solana, the speed demon of blockchains! With its Proof-of-History trick, transactions are time-stamped before you can say "crypto-cookies," making things faster than instant noodles. And with Solana's appetite for tons of transactions, it's becoming the go-to spot for app developers and art lovers – NFT marketplaces, anyone? This one's zooming to the moon! - Polkadot (DOT): The Blockchain Bridge Builder Picture Polkadot, or DOT, as the crypto matchmaker of the century! It's all about bringing different blockchains together for a blockchain party. Why limit yourself to one chain when you can mix and match like a fashion guru? With Polkadot's magic touch, DeFi apps can hang out and play nice, boosting the whole crypto family's performance. It's a beautiful digital harmony! - Chainlink (LINK): The Oracle Master Now, Chainlink, or LINK, is like the wise old sage of crypto. It's the bridge between the crypto realm and the real world, delivering trusted data to smart contracts. It's like having your very own crypto genie granting wishes! So, when your smart contracts need a dose of reality, LINK is the one to summon. It's like having a personal assistant, except cooler! - Terra (LUNA): The Steady Ship Lastly, let's sail with Terra, the captain of stability! LUNA is the crypto that keeps things steady with its smart stablecoin, UST. It adjusts its supply like a pro, keeping the volatility monsters at bay. Terra's gaining a crew of investors and users who love its stability. It's like having a reliable ship to weather the crypto storm!  

Online Success Made Easy: How to Make Money Online for Beginners

  Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) What is cryptocurrency?  Cryptography is used to safeguard financial transactions, regulate the production of new units, and verify the transfer of assets in the case of cryptocurrency, which is a digital or virtual version of money. How do I buy cryptocurrencies?  You can buy cryptocurrencies through cryptocurrency exchanges, which act as platforms for buying, selling, and trading digital assets. To get started, you'll need to create an account on a reputable exchange, complete the necessary verification process, and then fund your account using fiat currency or other cryptocurrencies. Which cryptocurrency should I invest in?  The cryptocurrency market offers a wide range of options, and the choice of investment depends on various factors such as your risk tolerance, investment goals, and research. Popular cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin and Ethereum are often considered safer investments, but newer projects like Cardano and Solana also show promise. Before making an investment, it is crucial to carry out extensive studies and get expert counsel. Is cryptocurrency investing risky?  Yes, cryptocurrency investing comes with inherent risks due to the market's high volatility and regulatory uncertainties. Prices of cryptocurrencies can experience significant fluctuations within short periods, which can result in both substantial gains and losses. It's crucial to invest only what you can afford to lose and practice risk management strategies. How do I store my cryptocurrencies safely?  Cryptocurrencies are stored in digital wallets, categorized as hot wallets (connected to the internet) or cold wallets (offline storage). Hardware wallets and paper wallets are examples of cold wallets, providing an extra layer of security against potential hacks or online threats. What is blockchain technology?  Blockchain is a distributed ledger system that uses a decentralized network of computers to record transactions. The chain of blocks is made up of individual transactions, each of which is referred to as a block. The blockchain's immutability and transparency make it ideal for various applications beyond cryptocurrencies, such as supply chain management and voting systems. Are cryptocurrencies legal?  Cryptocurrencies' legal status differs from country to country. While some countries embrace cryptocurrencies and regulate them, others have imposed restrictions or outright bans. It's essential to be aware of your country's regulations and compliance requirements regarding cryptocurrency usage and investments. Can I use cryptocurrencies for everyday transactions?  Yes, more and more shops and companies are accepting cryptocurrency as payment. Major companies, online retailers, and even local businesses in some areas have integrated cryptocurrency payment options. However, keep in mind that the adoption of cryptocurrencies for everyday transactions is still in its early stages. How do I protect myself from crypto scams?  To protect yourself from crypto scams, be cautious of unsolicited investment offers or get-rich-quick schemes. Use only trusted and safe crypto exchanges and wallets. Avoid sharing your private keys or sensitive information with anyone, and be vigilant about phishing attempts and fraudulent websites. Can I mine cryptocurrencies?  Yes, mining is the process of validating transactions and adding them to the blockchain. However, the mining process has become highly competitive and resource-intensive for major cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin. Some newer cryptocurrencies may still be mineable with consumer-grade hardware. The Final Words There you have it, amigos! You've been initiated into the mysterious realm of Cryptocurrency. But remember, it's not all rainbows and unicorns – there are risks out there.  So, do your research, stay cautious, and if you're feeling a bit lost, don't be shy to ask for some financial advice. Now go forth and conquer the crypto cosmos! The Crypto Quest Ahead Now that we've explored these shiny crypto gems, remember, the Cryptocurrency world can be a wild ride. So, do your research, and don't throw all your doubloons into one chest! Be smart, stay curious, and be ready to sail through the high tides and low tides of the crypto seas. Happy investing, my fellow adventurers! May your crypto dreams come true, and may you find the treasure of a lifetime! Arrr, matey!   Read the full article

[goldvox]

The Journey.

I realized when I was younger I always thought I wasn’t successful or independent because I didn’t own all my own property yet or the basic form of “successful”.

I look back now ( that I’m in my 30s) I was one brave young adult. I traveled to all different places by myself to follow my dreams. I hopped on buses, trains, planes, random taxis and Lyfts. I went to all different states. I sometimes legit had no idea what I was doing or what the outcome would be , but I still showed up.

I remember getting stranded and was running out of money a few times. I remember one time my car got stuck in a parking garage after shooting on a NYC film set ( I was dressed in super edgy club clothes) because I couldn’t get back in the garage I didn’t want to walk the city alone at 3am til 8am. ( I was out of funds too, so a hotel wasn’t really in the plan.). So I helped the crew clean the holding area up. 🤣 and they let me stay! ( Thank God.)

Anyway, whenever I didn’t get a gig or just started to feel really drained I thought I was always failing. But now when I look back all the things I thought made me a “failure” were stories.

I have so many stories of the process. Some are sad, maybe scary and some are goofy or hysterical.

Now I look at it and I tell myself, hey enjoy the process. Enjoy the road there. Just stop and breathe. Nothing ever happens in one day. I’m also glad even if it got crazy at times, that I still pushed through.

I remind myself if you didn’t show up I wouldn’t be SAG/Eligible now. ( which may be happening very soon.) I wouldn’t understand some of the business side of entertainment and the contracts I’ve signed over the years. I wouldn’t understand what to do and not do during auditions and on set. Even in music, I have significantly changed my stories, the sound of my voice over time because of experience.

Even though not everything always worked out when I was younger, I am happy and grateful all the things that involved my passion and dreams that taught me new lessons, that I can use in the future and in life. I’m excited to go back into entertainment full time again.

My main take away from this, is I’m going to enjoy the process. I am going to be in the moment. I am in control of my emotions, not everything is a “Yes.” And not everything is a “No.” Here is to a positive outlook and making all fears curiousity again. I’m here to learn and to move forward.

Here is to many more stories I will be writing.

I hope you enjoy the path too.

[drxwsyni]

show me heaven, take me to hell︱okkotsu yuuta x f!reader

“Going so long ensuring that you wanted him and nobody else ended up having adverse effects, all this time spent putting you first had turned him selfish, and he didn’t quite care anymore. He needs you—all of you, anything less for any longer and he might just go mad.” a/n: this is my part for @seita’s corrupt-a-virgin collab! i was really excited to write a fic with this prompt, and this collab was super fun so pls go check out the other writers involved!!! words: 3.7k warnings: ALL CHARACTERS AGED UP 18+, noncon, somnophilia, virginity loss, rough-ish sex, oral (f. receiving), fingering, choking for a quick moment, creampie, a little praise, heavy stalking & obsessive behaviour, gen. yandere themes

Yuuta liked to think he had control over his emotions—but peering down at you, he knew that was far from the truth. How those emotions manifested was what he could control, because if it weren’t for the steely expression cemented into his face, he’d be sure you’d know of all the debased things running rampant throughout his mind.

And yet, he doesn’t fear the falter in his masquerade right now.

You’re fast asleep, none the wiser to the looming figure of your boyfriend, locked onto the way your chest slowly rises and falls in a rhythmic manner. How his eyes nearly gloss over as they travel down the curves of your body, half exposed as you’ve only pulled the sheets up to settle around your waist.

Yuuta reminds himself to breathe, exhaling a little too shakily, wondering to himself how he’s made it this far. He was a damn good actor, and he knows that fact currently stood as the only thing that’s gotten him to where he is today.

If he thinks back, it’s hard to even find one moment out of all the time he’s spent with you in which he’d shown you his genuine self. Hell, the very first time you spoke to him wasn’t even honest. He remembers asking you your name after introducing himself, lying through his teeth because he already knew what your name was. Yuuta knew what rank you were (well below his), your cursed technique (too weak to really protect yourself), how long you’d been working alongside Gojo (two weeks―starting the day after Yuuta had gone overseas). But he still asked, enamoured with the way you bashfully looked down at your feet when he praised you for being able to put up with the white haired sorcerer so far.

Another lie―how he claimed he’d love to team up with you and show you around, when it was just to keep you as far from any real danger as possible.

But you didn’t know that, going along with each and every falsehood that left his mouth. Lie after lie, he’d draw on the knowledge of you he’d spent months gathering, gradually molding his character into whichever form earned those soft little gifts of affection. Becoming the person you wanted, the person you needed, slowly until you recognized him as someone special. Yuuta did everything right—only to be completely overwhelmed now that he had you alone.

Because of course suppressing himself wouldn’t work out in the long run. Burying the desire that felt goddamn near insatiable, ignoring the feeling of it festering, growing into something ugly and uncontrollable—the kind of thing he saw in others, and exactly what he was trying to protect you from. But Yuuta wouldn’t let himself believe that what you really needed protecting from was him, even though standing over you now, proof of that reality was finally beginning to surface.

Just for a second, maybe not even that, it crossed his mind—just a taste couldn’t hurt, right?

The bound passion he could never let see the light of day unraveled in the dead of night. You were just so tempting, blissfully unaware of the danger towering over you, a vulnerability that tore away at the seams of his self control.

Yuuta felt the first thread snap, a barely there fracture to spur his irreversible descent into self-destruction.

Moving without really even thinking of any future consequences, long fingers that were calloused from battle and endless training reached to where the sheets atop you rested. White, silken and gleaming under the moonlight, he carefully, calculatedly pulled them down your body. Letting it pool at the foot of the bed, he slowly appraised your sleeping form.

An almost inaudible curse left him, whispered under his breath—he didn’t even notice the way your sleeping shorts were discarded onto the floor before peeling back the sheets, but he couldn’t miss it now. Maybe...you wanted him to find you like this?

No...he knew you weren’t that daring. The two of you might be dating, but all those past insistences of not wanting to move too fast, dancing around intimacy like it was the bane of all evil alone told him that this naivety was genuine.

There was that, and the fact that you were staying in his guest bedroom. Too shy to sleep in the same bed, how cute. He was all too understanding just a few hours ago, leaving you for the night and planning on retiring to his room. Only he was drawn right back to where you lay, realizing it was yet another subconscious lie to tell you he was fine with taking things slow, giving you your space.

He wasn’t even supposed to be in this room—there was absolutely no way you planned on Yuuta finding you like this.

A voice in the back of his head warns him, tugging at his subconscious to leave you be. Yuuta ignores it for the first time, crossing a new boundary, knowing that it won’t be the last.

You’re sprawled on your back with the hem of your oversized shirt riding up just a little.

A little too much, he thinks, eyes travelling lower and lower until they land on the lace trim of your panties. Thin, adorned with a small bow at the top. His fingers itch, wanting to feel the fabric for himself, likely soft in comparison to his rough hands.

Yuuta props one knee up onto the bed, the mattress sinking slightly with his weight. With one more glance, just to make completely sure you’re still fast asleep, he allows his fingers to trace up the inside of your leg. Gliding along your calf, then meeting the soft plush of your thigh. Your muscles don’t even twitch, unmoving as his hand gradually creeps higher, higher, higher.

All he needs is to be closer, something to tide him over until you’re willing to let him in. He wants to know just what it feels like to have you under him, little weaknesses you hold that nobody else knows of.

Just a taste, he reminds himself.

Yuuta peers down at you, relieved and on edge at the same time when the tips of his fingers brush against the cotton fabric of your panties. Ever so lightly, his ring finger dips lower, gently pressing against your clothed slit.

The heat between your thighs makes him shiver, warmth pulling him in impossibly closer. Your legs are spread just enough for Yuuta’s hand to fit perfectly in between them, almost invitingly so. He feels like all of his nerves are standing on end, vibrating as just the simplest touch has such a large effect on him.

It’s a familiar feeling, despite always looking at ease, he frequently had to mask these turbulent emotions inside him so that he didn’t scare you away, just as so many others did. This new sensation, not having to worry about constant control, it was unimaginably refreshing. He didn’t want it to end.

You don’t seem to be stirred in the slightest, which is good, because he’s not quite satisfied. The both of you did have a tiring day to be fair—now making you a heavy sleeper. Yuuta deems it a saving grace, curiosity unquelled in wanting to know how far he could push his luck.

That same singular finger travels along the dainty fabric, gently dragging up your folds until stopping at your clit. Experimentally pressing into it, Yuuta spots the way your brows just barely draw together for a moment. The sound of your breathing meets his ears, turned airy as your lips part when he begins rubbing back and forth, a light friction that makes your sensitive, untouched body react unconsciously as you continue to sleep.

Yuuta thinks for a second of how you touch yourself when you’re alone—if you do as he is now, teasing your clit, making you squirm at the light stimulation. You’re not waking up, but your body is still reactive even in this state. With how your panties hug the curves of your body, how he presses them into your heat, it’s not hard to see the small patch of your arousal already leaking through.

It’s cute, you’re so much more honest when you’re asleep.

An idea strikes him, coming more as an intrusive thought than anything helpful, but it’s dangerously enticing nonetheless—if he could make you cum without waking you up. Earn a glimpse of what he hoped you’d let him see eventually.

You look like you want it, chest rising and falling a little heavier, and when he pointedly nudges your clit with the smallest increase in force, your breath hitches.

It would be cruel to leave you like this—Yuuta isn’t a cruel man.

He’s doing this for you now, not himself. It’s repeated in his head, words reassuring as he slinks onto the bed. His grip is delicate, pushing your thighs apart a tad bit more, just enough to make room to lower himself between them.

Eye level with your heat, the scent of your arousal washes over him. He can’t help but place a few ghosted kisses on your inner thighs, a quick nip at the supple skin that leads to a trail of the same before his lips hover over the seat of your panties.

Through long lashes, he focuses on your face, almost shuddering with you as his tongue comes into contact with the patch of wetness, dampness growing as he licks a slow strip up over the cloth. Yuuta repeats the action—once, twice, three times, then loses count. His movements are slow, soft and steady, taking what he can get but soon becoming frustrated with the barrier in his way.

The hands placed on your thighs twitch, and it only seems logical that if he wants to finish what he started, he needs to make things a little easier for himself. An unnatural strength imbued with cursed energy flows through his palms. He’s eager, doing it without thinking, not realizing the force he puts behind his actions until the seams of your panties tear with almost no resistance.

Yuuta’s eyes widen slightly, because his plan was to merely push the fabric aside. But that problem can wait, especially when he can’t.

The offending fabric is casted aside, and Yuuta knows he wants to take his time. Testing the waters, his thumbs come up to spread apart your soaked folds, taking in the way your hole clenches around nothing as he gently blows cold air against it.

He’s not shocked to find your muscles twitching so easily now, reacting to every little thing he does. Not shocked, but it does make him greedy. It makes him want to abandon caution entirely. Taking his time turns out to be a lot easier said than done—when his tongue places a few kitten licks onto your clit, the near sinful whimper that escapes you has his lips latching on and sucking instead.

You’re always so quick to flee from him, Yuuta can barely get a lasting kiss in before you push him away. To hear that leave your mouth, intentional or not, it’s dangerous. He’s starved for intimacy, starting to lose sight on why he’s worked so hard to become close with you, drowning in the thoughts of why he instead wants to rip that safety he provides from you entirely just to see the things you keep hidden from him and everyone else.

There’s his own personal heat building, hips grinding into the mattress now and then to relieve the ache you don’t even know you’re causing in him so quickly. It doesn’t do much, if anything it only makes his resolve weaken, low groans making their way up his throat and sending soft vibrations onto your sensitive nub.

His tongue darts back out, flattening as your hips buck against his face, trying to gain more friction.

And all it tells him is that you want this—just as much as he does. You’ve never told him, but you don’t need to. Your body speaks for itself.

The wet muscle pushes past your entrance, Yuuta’s nose bumping your clit every time his head jerks when his tongue curls against your walls. From how your body tenses, the feeling unmistakable under his large hands, he can tell you’re getting close.

All the breathy sighs and whines leaving you, the overwhelming taste of you on his tongue and in his mouth, it clouds his judgment more and more as each second passes.

Yuuta forgets about the hard work he’s put in to keep you safe, to make sure you ended up choosing him over everyone else. You’re intoxicating, and he can’t get enough. There’s no such thing as just a taste, not when he’s stopped trying to hold back and instead starts trying to devour you.

You deserve more, he thinks, coating his ring finger with your slick, teasingly swirling it around your entrance before letting it sink into your heated pussy. It reaches far deeper than his tongue, and with a few thrusts, curling his finger inside you, Yuuta finds what he’s searching for as you tense hard around the slender digit. His mouth returns to your clit, sucking and flicking it with the tip of his tongue.

Yet no matter what he does, it’s still not enough. He wants to watch you finally fall apart, wants you to stop pushing him away.

And he realizes, it’s not a want, but a need. One that can’t be satisfied as easily as he thought when he first removed the sheets from your unsuspecting body. Going so long ensuring that you wanted him and nobody else ended up having adverse effects, all this time spent putting you first had turned him selfish, and he didn’t quite care anymore.

He needs you—all of you, anything less for any longer and he might just go mad.

Yuuta can’t think straight to save his life, he’s hooked on the way your body shakes beneath him, adding another finger pumping in and out of you, groaning against your clit as he desperately ruts against the bed.

You’re responding so well, it only confuses him more as to why you haven’t let him take care of you sooner, as clearly you needed him like this. He can practically hear his name fall from your lips, airy and begging him for more.

His eyes are screwed shut, and yours are open.

“Ahh—Yuuta...wh—ngh”

Those calloused fingers know just how to make you shake in pleasure, not relenting as you suddenly cum around them. He feels your swollen clit throb, over and over against his tongue.

When you start to convulse, near pained whimpers leaving you, he finally stops.

He’s frozen for a moment, your full awareness dawning on him.

A sheen of sweat clings to you, chest heaving, heartbeat going a mile a minute and hammering against your ribcage. You were falling back down from the high that made you see stars, the closer to reality you got, the more you understood what had happened.

The fear would hit you first, and it’d be fast—you’d scream, fight, try to leave him.

Yuuta knew this, he knew you, and so he moved faster.

Before you could make another sound, panic rising in your throat, a firm hand clamps over your mouth.

And god, you look fucking terrified. Both hands flying up to push him away, nails biting into his wrist while tears begin to well in your eyes. Irises swirling with fear, confusion, betrayal.

It should make him feel guilty, it does—but it’s not enough to stop him from wanting to make it worse.

His palm stays cemented over your mouth, muffling your cries. “Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

It’s not, all your squirming does is grind against his aching cock. And he’s so far gone that he might as well go further—he doesn’t even try to stop you. The hand over your mouth pins you down well enough, your body so much weaker compared to his.

“M’sorry, just—fuck…”

You’re not calming down, struggling harder with each second that goes by while Yuuta fights to hold you still.

“It’s alright, baby, you’re okay.” With everything running through his mind, the only thing consistent and true is that he has to be inside you. 

His free hand grips the waistband of his sweats and boxers, hastily pulling them both down at the same time. He hisses when the cold air of the room meets his cock, slapping against his abdomen. He’s already in between your legs, and you’re still trying to get away, hips lifting off the sheets as your legs helplessly kick. Your movements are uncalculated, frantic—it’s an accident when his cock brushes against your heat.

You squeal at the contact, but there’s nothing you can do to stop him from rutting against you, length sliding between your folds and coating him in your slick. A slight shudder runs through you as the tip of his cock catches on your puffy clit, repeatedly nudging it with each thrust.

It’s not enough. Not before, not now, he can’t seem to satisfy whatever want inside him has broken loose, and you’re forced to deal with it all because he couldn’t keep himself in check.

“Just relax, okay? Gonna make you feel good...promise you—”

Yuuta practically chokes on his words, lining himself up with your entrance, unable to stop his hips from pushing himself inside you all in one go. Blood rushing behind his ears drowns out the sound of your whimpers, lost in the way you keep sucking him back in when he goes to pull out. So goddamn tight—Yuuta’s glad he’s made sure he was the first to get to you, despite the circumstances.

He’s a mess, you’re a mess, it’s sloppy and it’s perfect, because the quick back and forth of his hips goes so deep that he’s grinding against your clit with each thrust. Your whines are in tandem with his movements, pain mixing with the building warmth spreading throughout you.

The body draped over yours is so much larger, broad shoulders blocking out the moonlight as Yuuta keeps himself propped up above you with a hand beside your head. The one over your mouth disappears, lightly wrapping around your throat for better purchase instead.

It’s too easy to lose himself now, letting his guard down—and you jump at the chance.

There’s a shove to his chest, and then he’s being kicked down the bed. The door is on the adjacent side of the room and so to make quick time you scramble across the bed sheets. Of course, a hand too cold clamps around your ankle, and it feels like he’s about to crush the bone beneath when Yuuta drags you back.

All your pleas go ignored, and he’s suffocating as your body is pinned against the bed by his own.

A lanky yet toned arm snakes around your waist, lifting your hips to meet his. “Just a bit—” there’s a pause, groaning as he drives his cock right back into your pussy, “—bit longer…”

Yuuta hasn’t completely forgotten why he decided to take things this far, his free hand reaching down to toy with your clit. With the new angle, his cockhead hits that soft, spongy patch that has your walls fluttering around his length.

Your fighting spirit diminishes more and more, not much strength to begin with in how you were woken up, only worsened by the way the coil in your stomach keeps tightening. When you go to shove the arm wrapped around your body, it’s not genuine, not completely at least. You’re overwhelmed just as much as him, and letting it happen doesn’t seem all that bad.

Slick is dripping down your thighs, the sounds of skin slapping against skin echoing throughout the room alongside his grunts and your airy moans.

There’s a shake in your body, legs unable to keep themselves up as your voice breaks through the noise. “Yuuta...p-please…”

It doesn’t matter what it is you’re begging for exactly, but he tries to console you anyways. “I’m right here, baby. Just let go for me…”

The pads of his fingers press harder circles around your clit as the cant of his hips picks up.

You’re reaching your end, unmistakable in the way you tighten around his length, your muscles contracting and releasing. Yuuta is right behind you, thrusts growing erratic, barely pulling halfway out before sinking in again.

“Ah—that’s it, cum for me, good girl—”

There’s a moment where you go quiet, body locking up and mouth opening into a silent scream. It’s enough to have Yuuta’s body reacting much the same, a harsh ‘fuck’ leaving his lips before painting your walls white. There’s no thought to pull out, just that he wants to relax with you in his arms.

You’re trembling, aftershocks washing over you in waves, especially when he slowly drags his cock out and past your g-spot before leaving you empty.

Yuuta finally releases you from his hold, watching as you slump pitifully into the mattress. There’s a trail of his cum leaking down your slit, a little pool of it forming on the sheets. You look absolutely ruined, face turned and smushed against the bed—he can see the tears heavily wetting your cheeks, mouth agape as your chest heaves.

And he just...stares. Somewhat out of breath himself, hunched over, unmoving otherwise while realization crashes down on him.

You’d never forgive him, you’ll leave the second you get the chance. What Yuuta’s done to you is irreversible.

...As far as you know.

It’s always been like this, he thinks. Yuuta keeps you endlessly in the dark, meticulous pre-planning to make sure you’re protected always. And so he steps away, tucks himself back into his boxers, pulling up his sweats and grabs his phone. It looks like you’ve pretty much fallen asleep, which makes his job easier.

Plan A through Z, Yuuta has something to fall back on no matter what.

The screen illuminates his face, fingers swiping until Inumaki’s contact shines back at him. The cursed speech user owes him a favour, and there’s no time more perfect in Yuuta’s mind than now to cash it in.

A deep sigh from him sounds throughout the room—you won’t remember this happened, none of it. Yuuta will clean you up before Inumaki arrives, use reverse cursed technique to handle any wounds you may have, and then he’ll have his friend make you forget anything past going to bed.

While he still wants to keep you safe, keep you pure—it’s no longer for the same reasons. 

Darkened eyes land on your weakened form, and Yuuta knows this won’t be enough for him. You’ll push him away, he’ll get impatient...the rest is predictable, to say the least.

His message sends, phone turning black. 

Somehow, he’ll need to find a way to earn more favours.