#And to try is not helpful and in fact actively harmful

[laurasauras]

i highly recommend this whole video but it IS three hours and i know that's a big commitment

the following is a tl;dr. the video provides excellent, well-researched evidence, which is why it's three hours long. please don't try and debate this with me because i didn't make the video and these aren't my points, i'm just summarising.

by opposing AI so strongly, we give the corporations and right-wingers ownership of the pro-AI and pro-technology side, which we can't truly win the fight against. it's out of the box. we've been working towards it since the 50s and it has no useful definition that excludes other technology (hence every software being marketed as having AI in it). we should probably instead fight for a future in which AI is used thoughtfully and responsibly, opposing the structures that are really responsible for the worst ways that AI is being used

"human intelligence" is impossible to define and any definition that excludes AI will inevitably exclude humans, always vulnerable humans, and being picky about how we define humans has historically been used to justify treating people we exclude from the definition badly (e.g. slavery). this isn't to say that AI is human, but maybe we should be hesitant about trying to define humanity. let's just stop doing that

when we think we're standing up for individual artists' rights by opposing the fact that their work was used without permission and will be used to replace their labour, the individual artists are not the ones who benefit. in fact, they stand to have the most to lose. strengthening copyright law benefits the massive corporations like disney, who are actively campaigning for, supporting and being supported by anti-AI lawsuits so that they can expand their reach over intellectual property. we do not want a world where an art style is copyrighted, youtubers can't use clips of movies in reviews or fanfiction is illegal. massive corporations have always used whatever means they can to avoid hiring, paying or treating well their artists. that won't stop. maybe AI can in fact allow independent artists to take on projects (including hiring fellow creators) that wouldn't have existed without AI. maybe it's not universally bad. but even if it was universally bad, arguing that copyright should be strengthened is just not a good idea

AI may negatively impact labour, but it also might not. the industrial revolution meant that jobs that were previously done by many people by hand could be done by few people and a machine, but it didn't result in a world with no blue collar workers. the same thing happened with the advent of computers. being doomer about this doesn't help, it just builds hype for investors who will pour money into any product that says AI on the website in the hopes they won't have to use that money to pay their employees. automating certain work tasks with AI isn't universally a bad thing and it doesn't mean that those workers are out of work. there just might be different jobs. it might also be used to lower the barrier of entry to certain professions that currently require time- and money-consuming degrees

AI's harm on the environment has been vastly over-stated again and again, for the benefit of energy companies which hope that people will invest in them under the assumption that we're going to use so much more energy to power AI. in reality, AI has the potential to help the environment through assisting research into renewables and optimising farming. it would be more impactful for you to have a day without meat a week than to never use AI

AI WARS: How Corporations Hijacked Anti-AI Backlash

Well, it was nice knowing you.

[bodiesoflight]

hey just to let you know op of this post:

https://www.tumblr.com/bodiesoflight/733794261873655808

is an endo and endo safe (just check the tags). i assume you’re anti-endo so just to let you know. if you arent i apologize for bothering you.

[link above]

thanks for letting us know!

[arolesbianism]

Remembers Tali exists and starts wailing and crying

[palms-upturned]

Frustrates me to no end seeing people say “what’s your alternative to voting blue? Stage a revolution right now? This second? Get real, you’re posting on your computer instead of firebombing walmarts.” I don’t think that you understand what people are actually doing. I know for myself, I’ve been reading more history and theory than I ever have before. I’ve been marching. I’ve been getting involved with labor activism. I’ve been doing strategic research. I’ve tried to archive and share resources. I’ve watched other people do WAY more than I ever have or probably could. I’ve seen people occupy arms manufacturing sites and hold wildcat strikes and disrupt daily life as much as possible. We’ve all seen this happening at unprecedented levels for months now. And most of all, I’ve seen Palestinians telling us, rightfully full of anger, do not ever go back to how things were before. Do not turn away from what’s happening and your own complicity in it.

This is not something that we can vote our way out of. Our state is built on the same violence being inflicted on the people of Palestine. We helped to build Israel. We are still arming it and funding the “war” right now. Even the most half hearted measures from international bodies like the UN to take the bare minimum of a stance against genocide are quashed by the US. As they always have been, our power and resources are used to reinforce imperial and colonial hegemony. That remains the same no matter who is sitting in the Oval Office. And so does our own struggle for liberation. Meaningful change is never, ever going to come from within. We force the change to happen, as we always have.

If you can understand intersectionality, then surely you can understand this: we are not going to free ourselves by sacrificing colonized people. You may vote blue, and for you it could be a matter of life and death. Believe me, as a poor disabled person in a red state who almost killed myself over medical debt, I know the stakes. But I think you have to own the fact that you are empowering perpetrators of genocide and breaking solidarity with colonized people, not even to liberate yourself, but just to bargain with the oppressor for your life. That Palestinians and everyone else who we have harmed are going to be angry and they are more than within their rights. Instead of deflecting by just assuming that no one else is capable of putting their money where their mouth is and actually trying to lay groundwork for change, just do whatever you feel you have to do and sit with the reality of the situation.

Palestine will be free, we will be free, the whole world will someday be free. But for now, this is where we are, and we won’t free ourselves by operating like crabs in a bucket. Get organized, take care of each other, commit to solidarity. Empower yourself and each other rather than the state.

[starsthatlinethesky]

What’s so fucking ironic about Jimmy in mouthwashing, is when he’s pitching a fit to Anya about having to do FIVE tasks around the ship when she asks for help with Curly’s medication and literally nobody actually ASKED him to do those things, there all pretty much self-imposed tasks.

Like an ACTUAL Captain would do these things with almost no complaint as he understands that they benefit not only himself but the safety and wellbeing of the crew.

But Jimmy can only see the rest of the crew as burdens and he is the sole person managing to keep this ship together with what he’s been given to work with. When that is so NOT the case.

Anya was most likely putting in so much work into keeping Curly alive, which in itself is a miracle seeing that state that he was in and the limited resources that the had. She had to find a way to provide nutrition, prevent infection and bleeding and somehow perform four amputations with what was most likely limited training from Pony Express. All while being PREGNANT.

Daisuke and Swansea were most likely the only thing keeping that ship running and preventing any further mechanical failures that could have put them all at further risk. As well as most likely actively looking for solutions to try and get parts of the ship running again.

And asking Daisuke to go in to the damaged vent when he KNEW it would do more harm than good to, was a risk that a captain would not take. And no, he wasn’t concerned about Anya when he asked Daisuke to go into the vent and I could argue that he wasn’t all that concerned about Curly either.

The only thing that he was concerned with was the fact that he had lost control of the situation and that Anya wasn’t being subservient to him and his demands.

Also the fact that he used the alcohol disinfectant to make that drink from Swansea also proved how little he thinks through his actions and the long term consequences. If he hadn’t of used it for the drink, it’s likely that it could have been used as a disinfectant for Daisuke’s wounds and could have also been rationed for other wounds the crew obtains as well.

But Jimmy can’t see the big picture, all Jimmy can see is all the messes and problems in the ship. That he CREATED. But he takes no responsibility for them as he can only think of what Jimmy wants and not how what he says or does impacts anyone else.

It’s just goes to show that Jimmy, is and has probably always been someone who wants the title and authority of a position like ‘Captain’ but he can’t handle any of the duties that come with it.

[the-lazy-cat-bakes-souffles]

The scene where Jackie hauls Shauna away from Van inside the burning plane wreckage is one of the most under-discussed relative to its impact, and gives us so much insight into the characters and wider themes of Yellowjackets.

In some respects, it was the first act of violence in the wilderness. Now, by violence I don’t mean something done with the intent to harm. Jackie was placed in an extremely stressful adrenaline-fuelled situation where she had to make a choice with seconds to spare. Practically speaking, it was also a logical choice: the fire was rapidly encroaching and there was every chance that freeing Van in time was impossible, so Shauna would be fruitlessly throwing her life away. After all, the rear of the plane does explode soon after they get out.

But that doesn’t change the fact that it was callous and violent in its impact. It was Jackie, in that moment of intense danger, choosing to leave Van to burn alive - and actively prevent her from receiving help - because there was a chance that she might lose Shauna too. ���For the record, I was trying to save you.” True character is revealed under pressure, and this scene is the show’s way of signalling to the audience what Jackie values most, the thing that will cause her to abandon all other principles: Shauna.

This is enforced by her later saving Van from the plane propellor: it’s an act of atonement, but also a way to convey the hierarchy of Jackie’s priorities. She loves her teammates and would trade her life for theirs without hesitation, but she would trade any of their lives for Shauna’s if it came to it (it also speaks to how little Jackie values her own life and is further evidence of her suicidal ideation).

One of the things that strikes me most about the scene is how similar it is to when Javi drowns in the second season. In both cases, Van and Javi are in severe environmental peril and desperately cry out for help. Shauna and Nat respectively attempt to save them at great personal risk, but they’re pulled away by Jackie and Misty, who have determined that it’s better to sacrifice one if it means saving the other.

While the contexts are different, the theme is the same: “It chooses.” And ‘It’ is all of them. ‘It’ is all of us. When driven to the brink and placed in the most dire of extremes, any person, no matter how virtuous, can behave in base ways. It’s always baffled me that Jackie is often framed as an exception to this by the fandom when we’re presented with such a clear example through her character on day one, long before anyone had descended into savagery. I’ve no doubt that if she’d survived and mended her relationship with Shauna she would have gone to great lengths to keep her (and the baby) alive, even if it meant compromising her strongly held morals.

In spite of everything, Van did escape the wreckage, which means that she could have been saved. And she was left with deep trauma that lingers into the third season. However much we might be able to justify Jackie’s decision, it still came at Van’s expense. This isn’t to say that I think Jackie is deep down a cruel or violent person; she’s patently not, quite the opposite. But it’s compelling to explore what moves someone to act in ways counter to their nature, their moral pressure points, and how they account for their actions. It does a disservice to Jackie to downplay her complexities and flaws, just as it does a disservice to Shauna to regard her as an inherently sadistic person when her first instinct was to risk her life to help.

Then there’s how the scene informs Van’s character. Van is an optimist who is moulded by hardship into a pragmatist, and these two forces are constantly battling within her. Being left on the plane establishes this conflict: from her perspective, her life was easily discarded by someone she trusted. Van is confronted with the harshest of truths: that her survival is not guaranteed, nor is the support of her peers. It’s something hard fought for, and something she must fight for herself.

Her relationship with Tai mirrors the codependent bond of Jackie and Shauna. Their devotion to each other leads them to sentence Ben to death despite both holding doubts over his guilt. They rig the cards to protect each other from being chosen for the hunt, in doing so condemning someone else. Van comes to understand something of what drove Jackie to do what she did, because above all else, she cannot lose the person she holds most dear.

Once any real chance of rescue is out the window, Van fully internalises this survivalist mindset. She holds onto faith and narrativises their situation to imbue it all with some sort of meaning. But it’s ultimately a coping mechanism, a way to deal with the horror she knows they can’t escape. This is why the moment a glimmer of hope reappears in the form of the scientists, she sheds it. She doesn’t truly want it, she never did. Her final act is a culmination of that; she can’t find it in herself to kill for her own gain. ‘It’ chooses, and Van chose. As did Melissa.

What are we willing to do to survive? To protect ourselves and those we love? What are we willing to lose? How much of ourselves can we give up before the cost becomes too great? These are some of the thematic questions Yellowjackets poses, and this short scene is a fascinating microcosm of that.

[lianella-artist]

Dad!Ren and his daughter Shayla (My OC fankid!!!)

FINALLY, after some hard work i represent to you.. My OC Shayla! Shayla is based on the official cutiesigh artwork with AU Dad!Ren. This post will have all the basic info about her so far + some headcanons about Ren's family life and his relationship with Shayla. So it's going to be a kinda? long post! I've put a lot of work and love into these arts. Enjoy :3

Redacted holding Shayla!! and their very different reactions

They're just having a bit of a nap on the sofa after Shayla painted Ren's face... and Shayla is drooling on dad's soft chest😭 (kind of inspired?? by this post!)

Her reference:

BASIC INFO

Clarification: in my AU, where there is Shayla, Redacted doesn't pretend to be Ren, but acts naturally! But I use both names in the text

Shayla is a kind, naive, sincere, energetic and cheerful girl who is always looking for adventure. But often, due to her age, her trusting nature and her curiosity, she doesn't always understand the risks and ends up in various messes. The girl is very friendly to everyone she meets! She believes that the world is a kind and beautiful place! Some kids think that Shayla is strange and weird (at least because of her "weird" family), which is why she gets mocked, but she doesn't read social cues (she's kinda autistic coded).

Likes: creative activities (drawing, needlework, sewing (not very wearable yet), making different outfits, daddy's jewelry, laughing, getting up early, climbing trees.

Dislikes: being controlled and restricted, rudeness, social games (she doesn't understand them).

She is the only and most wanted child for Ren and Angel, they had her when they were 30-35 years old. They love her very much!! Thanks to Ren, the family is very wealthy! Redacted spoils her a lot, fulfills all her wishes (well, as much as possible, since it's all after Angel, of course). In Shayla's family, both parents work, but Ren does it from home like he used to. So while Angel is at work, Redacted spends most of his time with their daughter. He picks her up from school, takes her to classes, goes for walks with her + does the housework, cooks, etc (basically he's a stay-at-home dad, because I don't think he needs to spend half a day on hacking; a couple of three hours is enough). With the birth of Shayla, Ren has begun to keep an eye not only on Angel, but also on their daughter, though not as closely. Thanks to this, he manages to get the girl out of trouble in time, but he often arrives at the very last moment.

Shayla is very attached to her father, she thinks he is the coolest dad in the world!!! She loves spending time with him, as well as his dark style and tattoos! She is a daddy's girl :))

While Angel is undoubtedly still Ren's top priority, Redacted genuinely loves his daughter both as an affirmation/continuation of their love with Angel AND for who she is. Her cheerful nature often lifts his spirits. Now, he has another person in his life who helps him see the world through a different, less apathetic and indifferent lens. Ren sees how naive and kind his daughter is and protects her to keep that light in her. And when Shayla comes up with questionable ideas… He supports her! He even suggests something himself😭 BUT even he has limits. He will not do anything that might harm her.

(pretty much everything canon about how Sai describes Dad!Ren)

RANDOM FACTS AND HEADCANONS:

I named her after that meme OOHH MY SHAYLAAA😭 (I didn't have a name for her at first, so I just called her that in my mind for a while. It was actually quite funny to me… but eventually it started to grow on me, ngl, so I kept it)

You know those stories where a kid goes into their mom's makeup bag, purse, or closet and tries on something? In this case, mom is Ren💀 Shayla loves to find all kinds of alt stuff from Redacted, ask what it is, and then try it on herself! Redacted gave her some - a spiked bracelet and a silver chain!

Ren agrees to paint Shayla's nails. She wears all the colors of the rainbow, but she likes to keep all her nails black on one hand, though!

Thanks to the creative atmosphere in the family and Redacted's alternative style, Shayla will be a goth in the future! She's also going to become an alt-clothing designer.

She is wearing three of the five gold hairpins that Ren used to wear! When Redacted and Angel got married, he started wearing only two hairpins - a symbol of their relationship. Years later, when Shayla was born and grew up, the rest of the hairpins were inherited to her, and she wears them with great pride, just like the rest of her dad's jewelry.

Shayla also has her dad's features. She has pale, dry skin and black hair. However, her eyes are a unique combination of Ren's color (blue) + my Angel's (red) = creating a beautiful purple color for her.(I know that's not how gynetics works lmaoo I just think it's cute!!!)

aaaand also, @yzumimenu drew some amazing fanart of Shayla, LOOK AT HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND TY SO MUCH AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[aurum-stultus]

I don't really care whatever tone-deaf Arcane viewer who watched the show with 0 critical thinking disagrees with me and this really shouldn't be a hot take, but the amount of "found family" or "happy AUs" I see where Silco is left out? The people who make those are exactly the problem and are exactly why Silco became who he did.

Vander admitted that both him and Silco were responsible for Felicia's death, but the start of the bridge fight happened because Silco tried to save Benzo from being arrested by Enforcers. The start of Silco's trauma was because he tried to save his family. Part two of Silco's trauma was accidentally killing his family. Part three was being physically harmed and betrayed by his last remaining family. Silco was ALONE after Vander's betrayal, he had NOBODY.

And still it's proven that (aside from emotionally) he didn't need Vander for Shimmer. He didn't need Vander to get people to respect him. He didn't need Vander to make Piltover afraid. He did not need Vander. He *wanted* his brother back, even after every thing Vander did to him.

That backfired and Silco took in a bomb-obsessed child who shared his trauma, Jinx became the only person he could relate to and he viewed Jinx as his DAUGHTER, not his employee, no matter how many times people say she works for him, literally IN THE SHOW he tries to steer her clear of continuing to do missions for him, he tries to put her on the most simple jobs, too, specifically so she didn't screw them up. Silco KNOWS that Jinx is overreactive, sensitive and hostile. Jinx had NEVER been helpful as an "employee", he lets her ruin his plans because he doesn't want to tell his DAUGHTER no.

All of his manipulation is also accidental (manipulation is still manipulation, before people come for me for defending manipulation. Try to listen)

- Silco genuinely believed Vi was dead

- Silco genuinely believes Vi is VANDER'S child and would behave like VANDER

- When Silco tried to reconnect with Vander, Vander tried to kill him again

- Silco finds out Vi is alive and looking for Jinx, he assumes that Vander's daughter is going to behave like Vander and try to kill Jinx

- Silco's intial act that caused all of his trauma was an accident, an accident while he was trying to do GOOD and trying to HELP and he lost EVERYBODY. He didn't do anything wrong that he didn't mean to, and everybody left. He genuinely believes that people will leave, no matter what you do or how you try to prevent it.

He isn't saying these things to purposefully manipulate her, he isn't thinking "This will keep her in line", he manipulates her on accident because this is his experience and he is thinking that this will SAVE her.

Silco was willing to imprison himself for Jinx. When Jayce asks for Jinx, the only crimes Jayce knows of regarding Jinx are crimes Jinx enacted towards Piltover. Killing enforcers and stealing the hexcore. Silco never told her to do any of this and actively berated her for it, but he does not hesitate to say all of Jinx's crimes were his and done under his orders. He throws himself under the bus to protect his DAUGHTER, not his employee.

All he would lose are problems. Jinx is a problem. You would fire an employee for being a problem, you don't give up family, and he never did. He would rather Jinx be free than Zaun.

Everytime Silco is genuine, every time he isn't putting on a facade to look more respectable, less weak, fancier, meaner, tougher, it is for his FAMILY. Silco on the surface wanted Zaun to be free, but his only real motivation was family. Defending Benzo, getting Vander back, keeping Jinx happy.

Zaun could burn as long as he had a family.

Making happy AUs where everyone is happy but Silco is fucking cruel and if you do it to him, surely you have to do it to Jinx too. Jinx and Silco were paralleled until the very end and and that is not a fact you can ignore without blatantly disrespecting every single person who worked on this show. Jinx even says that she understood how Silco felt about about her when she took in Isha. Ignoring Silco is ignoring Jinx.

[sloanout]

The bad rap Taash and veilguard as a whole get remains equal parts confusing and frustrating to me. It's one thing to see culture war chuds seething over woke or whatever, but really I expected better from Tumblr of all places. Whether or not you enjoyed DA:tV, it is objectively an incredibly inclusive game that did a lot more for representation across the board than most titles, and trying to debate that fact or tear it down because it didn't do its representation exactly to the letter of how you wanted it is, straightforwardly, poisonous to the fight for diversity in gaming as a whole. Call me dramatic, but every time you act like a spoiled child and pitch a bitch fit over a nonbinary or trans character not being exactly what you wanted, you are actively hurting your own cause. You don't have to like Taash, but if you care about the community it's the least you can do to restrain yourself from posting freezing cold, Steven Universe discourse level takes about how they are actually "harmful" or would have "put you back in the closet".

Here's the tough truth about portraying nonbinary and trans perspectives in media: these identities are not a monolith. Nonbinary, as a whole, is not a secret third gender with its own set of trappings, it's a wide, wide label that means many different things to many different people. That you can look at an nb character written by a nb person and say "they did it wrong" with your whole chest speaks more to your own limited viewpoint and disconnection from the greater queer community than it does to the actual quality of the character.

The impossible challenge that creators face when their writing hits fandom spaces is that people want many different things from art. I've seen people adamant that the correct and most helpful way to do rep is to have a character turn directly to the camera and say "I am transgender" and then have that part of their identity explored for the next 300 pages. I have also seen people, just as adamant and righteous as the first, claim that representation is best and most correctly done when queerness is an incidental background detail in the same vein as hair color or favorite food. The truth is that neither of these perspectives, nor any in-between is inherently more or less correct than the other. Different people will want different things, because at the end of the day different people have different experiences with their queerness and would like to see that reflected in the things they love.

The only real way to be incorrect here is to malign and defame a story for daring to depict something outside of your particular experience - as I see many people do with Taash. I had to read with my own eyes a post about how their romance with Harding is predatory or some shit and that it reflects poorly on the nb community. Quick question: could you please go do your moral crusade about 50 Shades of Grey or some other piece of work so I don't have to see it? You help no one with this hyperbolic bullshit. The only thing you're doing is handing the worst people in this world further unsubstantiated ammo for casting genderqueer people as inherently sexually abusive. Think for a second about who and what you sound like for the love of God. Taash and Harding are both into what happens on screen, your weird moral panic is your own problem. Once again, you don't have to like it, but please do not try to frame something as ontologically evil and harmful to the community because it doesn't suit your tastes.

Taash is fine nonbinary rep. As a nonbinary person, especially one who is afab and spent most of my life feeling a bit out of place and uncomfortable with what the world expected of me, I think it's just right. They managed to represent me. Sorry that it didn't get to be your experience that got put in the game, but it's impossible to tell every single queer story at once. If you really give a shit about the community, celebrate the wins of your fellows, not just your own.

And the sad thing is, I see two big 'critiques' about Taash's questline - either that it's all about their gender identity, or that it doesn't explore their gender identity enough. Sometimes I see these takes in the same post and I can only imagine what sort of doublethink Koolaid the culture war nonsense has gotten you to drink. Taash's gender is front and center, and that's great! But it's a part of a larger story - a story about a difficult family relationship. Taash's story is about the ebb and flow of their relationship with their mother more than anything else, and to be honest? It's one of the best in the series.

Family drama has been a mainstay of Dragon Age - you have Hawke's personal tragedy in DA2, Dorian's alienation over his identity and beliefs in Inquisition, and hell, Morrigan throughout the series tends to be more tied up with family dynamics than anything else. Taash is the continuation of that tradition, and I love what they have. The binary choice at the end is pretty weak and downright misunderstands the experience of being mixed race, but the dynamic between Taash and Shathann is fantastic. It's pained and restrained in such a realistic way, two people struggling with the old and new who dearly care about each other but can never seem to see eye to eye, and end up falling back on their worst vices - anger for Taash, and discipline for Shathann.

Veilguard has a tendency to pull its punches and make everyone a bit too chipper and chill, that's a legitimate criticism given the series' history, but I was deeply struck by how unforgiving Shathann's death was. It was really, unrelentingly realistic - life happened, and Taash never got the chance to sort out their relationship with her. They didn't get to reconcile or ever see eye to eye. Despite spending most of their screen time together bitter and simmering, Taash is so devastated by their mother's death that you have to pull them out of certain death. It was cathartic and brutal for me, a nb person who has had a really really poor relationship with my mother in the past, it made me go plan a lunch with her because I was so grateful that things didn't end like that for us, that I did get the time to work through it.

And sure, you can accuse me of going easy on Taash because their story resonated with me - but isn't that what a story is supposed to do? Reflect the real and sincere, evoke emotion in the audience and crystalize experience and feeling on the stage? Isn't that proof of its value?

At the end of the day, representation has no single golden standard. The only real end goal is to be represented at all - not only by shining heroes and perfectly squeaky clean moralists, but also by characters who are just as human and fallible as the real life people they draw from. Taash succeeds there, and I think they deserve a lot more love and grace than many in the fandom want to show them. If you still want to slander Taash as harmful or bad, why don't you call me that too? Why not call every non binary person who fails to meet your rigid standards evil and degenerate while you're at it? See how much of a community you're left with, and who the ghouls cheering for you actually are.

[yandere-sins]

The Octopodes' Tale - Chapter I

First Chapter! I am excited since we are meeting someone for the first time and get to make a new decision :3 Thank you everyone who promptly voted, I think we can do it with the three day polls ♥ Fandom: Original Content   Pairings: Yandere!Octopus Mermen x GN!AFAB!Reader Words: ~3k  Warnings: Yandere, Monsters (Tentacels, Oversized Mention, Mermaids, Monster Appearances), Violence (Thrashing Underwater, Almost Drowning, Panic), Fear of potential harm to human/animal, Long Post

You’ve made the right choice, human. I shall wait for my beloved’s return, so don’t forget your promise to me as you get to know and care for him in my stead until then!

Letting your head fall into your palm, you rubbed the tension points on your temple and forehead. It was hard enough to focus on the small script and the countless pages, so a headache wasn’t exactly helpful for the task. You had to keep reminding yourself to focus as your thoughts trailed off, your mind imagining strange voices speaking to you just so it could escape the exhausting task of reading the contract. You would have just up and left if you knew just how extensive and partly incomprehensible the contract was. With all the jargon embedded in it, who knew what you were really signing off on with it.

The clacking of a fresh glass of water being placed in front of you barely tore you out of the focus you tried desperately to hold on to. You merely mumbled, “Thank you,” and reached for it, taking a swig from the glass. With a sigh, you set it back down on the table, realizing how much you needed it. In fact, your body was already screaming for you to get up and walk a bit, maybe even go to the toilet and grab a snack afterward. By making sure everything was in order on the bureaucracy side, you had managed to neglect yourself completely, and you were now paying the price with your shoulders and neck aching from sitting and hovering over the contract for too long. 

Leaning back, you decided it was time for a much-needed break. With a sudden, energized jolt, you jumped to your feet, stretched towards the ceiling until you could hear your bones and muscles pop back into place, and turned towards the door. Walking over the pool to reach it, you peered into the water below your feet as it swayed calmly. There was no sign of your potential future protégé. Fine with you, after all, octopodes liked to hide. Yet, when your hand reached for the handle of the door leading outside the enclosure, gripping and pushing it down, for some reason, it wouldn’t budge. 

Furrowing your brows, you gave it a shake, and another one for good measure. “What the…” you mumbled, trying to open the door unsuccessfully. Looking up from the handle, you looked around to see any indicator of it being locked, until your eyes fell on a number pad to your left. Its numbers had a green glow all around them, proving they were active, and you realized only now that naturally they’d close off a room with a precious specimen inside. However, locking you in with the specimen seemed somewhat dangerous. 

Trying your luck, you pushed in the most basic codes you knew, like 1111 and 1234. You tried to remember if the Professor said anything about this specimen’s number or maybe the enclosure number that could work as a code, albeit much too easy to guess.

“7945,” you heard someone say behind you, and you promptly pushed it in, the known sound of correctness followed by the door unlocking, filling you with the feeling of accomplishment. You whirled around, starting to say, “Thank you!” again when your eyes met those of half a face peeking out of the water, gleaming with curiosity. 

You gasped loudly, your back hitting the cold wall behind you, and you even bumped your head. The creature made a small squeak, eyes widening before they let go of the pool’s edge they had held onto and slipped back into the water. It all happened so quickly that you wondered if you had just imagined it or hit your head too hard, so it was just an illusion. Your scientific instinct, trained from curiosity, the years of studies, and doing minor field work, prompted you to step up to the pool and look into it, ensuring that whatever lurked inside wasn’t as human as it had looked. But for some reason, your body protested. 

As soon as the door opened, you slipped out, slamming your hand against the number pad to initiate closing again before pressing your body against the wall on the other side, watching as nothing seemed to come after you. Your knees shook as if you had just been on the run, your body sending inexplicable signals of fleeing despite this facility being one of the safest places on earth. However, the mere glimpse of the bright yellow eyes beneath an unnatural shade of red surrounding them had been enough to send you running. Even your brain had trouble processing what it had seen, and you felt the headache throb as you strained yourself. 

Maybe you truly had just imagined it. 

Perhaps you were in dire need of getting some help with your basic necessities. Some fresh air, some food, and water. It felt like you had to walk a small eternity until you bumped into another person who pointed you towards the staffroom. Greeted by snacks and drinks for the employees, you immediately felt better, and some other researchers picked up a conversation with you until your headache was almost forgotten. It was exactly the break you needed, and yet, you felt yourself slowly space out while a possible future colleague of yours monologued about the new aquatic plants they acquired for their research. 

Holding a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice in your hand, you watched the color slosh back and forth, images of red and yellow hitting you again and again. So many strange things had already happened since you came here, including the peculiar NDAs, secretiveness, and voices you had heard. Someone brought you water, but you hadn’t even noticed someone coming or going from the room that was apparently locked and deadbolted without the right passcode. 

Your eyes widened.

“I’m sorry, I have to go,” you mumbled, leaving the puzzled researchers and your half-full glass of juice behind as you hurried out of the recreation room. That’s right, you thought. Someone did bring you water, and you drank from it. It had definitely been real. And if that was the case, then someone was with you in that room, which meant it was dangerous for either them or the giant octopus living there. If something happened to either, not only would it put your potential new job in danger, but it was also possible that it would be blamed on you. 

Hurrying down the corridors you came from, you tried to stop yourself from thinking about how much it would cost if they sued you for the death of a very delicate specimen. Even more so, the death of a human. Despite still being a rookie, you had the potential skills and knowledge to avoid potential harm, and you doubted anyone could have gotten back as fast to the enclosure as you had if you had to explain what was going on first. 

You almost missed your destination, coming to a fumbling stop when you reached the door. With all the adrenaline rushing through you, you punched the numbers into the number pad, not waiting for the door to open fully until you squeezed through the gap.

“Hello? HELLO!” you yelled into the giant enclosure, hoping to receive some kind of verbal feedback on where the other person could be. “Is someone there?!” 

Panicked, you ran across the walkway and to the other side, checking behind the working surfaces and machinery if someone was taking shelter, perhaps hurt or unconscious. But even after searching every nook and cranny, you found no one, the first rational thoughts returning to your mind as you wondered if you had imagined it after all. Suddenly, you heard the water splash loudly, and immediately raced back to see what was happening. Countless bubbles were going to the surface until suddenly, glaringly red tentacles shot out from them, the color a clear warning sign. Whatever was going on inside the pool, the octopus was either warning or fighting, its arms trying to find something to hold on to as if it wanted to pull itself up. 

To you, it looked like a struggle.

Without a second thought, you shrugged off your jacket and dove off the edge. The water pressure threatened to rob your lungs of all the air in them, but you prevailed. You used to train both your lung capacity and your swimming skills once you determined that marine biology was the job you wanted to pursue. After all, you never know what kind of situation you’d get into when researching. Still, the water stung in your eyes as you tried to keep them open, countless bubbles hitting your face and obscuring the view. 

You had to admit to yourself that it was reckless. Jumping into the habitat of a possibly dangerous creature without telling anyone, but you couldn’t have forgiven yourself if you didn’t try to save either of the two that needed rescuing. Even beneath the surface, you could hear the struggle, the loud whizzing of the arms through the water. You managed to avoid being hit by them for a long time, quickly descending towards the ground where you assumed the creature was. But when you suddenly felt a weight wrap around your ankle, sticking to your wet clothes, you realized your mistake. 

Your lungs tightened as they braced for impact that never came. You expected to be slammed down to the ground, now that the tentacle had latched on to you. From then on, it would be a matter of very few time if you could survive this. If the octopus was nice enough to let you go, you could have potentially breeched the surface when you were about to lose all the air left in you, but if it was panicking, you’d probably get stuck or attacked down there for too long, unable to save anyone after being the one in a predicament. 

Hands clasped over your mouth, you pressed your eyes shut, tensing all your muscles to survive the crash, but instead, the water suddenly calmed. You felt fewer bubbles caress you as the world quieted. Only the tentacle remained where it had first latched on, wrapped tightly around your ankle as you slowly opened your eyes. 

Only to find two bright yellow ones staring back at you. 

Out of surprise, you gasped, water suddenly flooding into your well-protected mouth as if you had forgotten where you were. You immediately shut it again, but the damage was already done as you had inhaled the water, unable to cough it up. Panicked, your body began to struggle. The years of training to stay calm seemed forgotten as you wanted nothing more than to get up and out of the water. You flailed wildly, staring upwards towards the ceiling light shining blurrily down into the water as the last bits of air rushed out of your mouth. 

Two big hands wrapped around your face, keeping your head steady as your heart skipped a beat. The touch was gentle, although you felt the resistance all around you. Was the octopus about to crush your head? Wait, hands?!

Next you knew, lips sealed yours, tightly, the water from your mouth disappearing in exchange for fresh air. Bubbles surrounded you again, but you paid them no mind as you clung to the strange air supply, more and more tentacles wrapping around your body. You almost felt like you were going crazy as you forced your eyes to open again, peering at the shiny yellow ones across from you, half-lidded and so very human and so little octopus, even though the animal still clung to your body. 

A tongue entered your mouth, its tip exploring your teeth until its prodding abruptly made you flinch, the taste of blood filling your senses.

And all of a sudden, your head breached the surface, bouncing out of it with vigor. 

“There, there,” someone mumbled gently, a hand rubbing your back and patting it lightly as you started to cough violently. Being back in the air was hardly enough, as waves kept crashing into you and making you sputter. You oriented yourself briefly before swimming towards the edge, reaching out and clinging to it once you were near enough, the other person following you. Even now, you could still feel the octopus’s suction cups all over you, sometimes popping off and finding different places to wrap around, one tip slipping beneath your t-shirt, steadying you, but also clinging to your exposed back.

“I told you to be nice!” you heard a familiar voice shout from your right, and suddenly, two pairs of arms hooked beneath your shoulders, pulling you out of the water. Most of the tentacles popped off you, although some remained, holding on steady like the one around your ankle, and making it much harder to get you away from the pool. 

There was a clatter as someone dropped to their knees next to you, giving your back a few very hard slaps as you kept sputtering out water. “Are you alright?” someone asked, and you looked up for the first time, glimpsing into the worried eyes of some of the researchers you had met on your break. 

“Take it easy,” the person beside you sighed, and you gave them a quick glance, seeing the Professor’s tense expression. You nodded, slowly stumbling to your feet as everyone seemed to release some of the tension. 

“I’m glad we made it in time.” Holding out towels and medikits, the researchers scrabbled around you, assisting you and pulling up a chair for you to sit in, while the Professor got back on his feet with a groan, picking up his walking stick and shooting you one last worried glance before turning around. 

“Stop holding on to them!” he commanded, slamming his stick into the ground. But what should have sounded like wood clonking on metal made a squishy sound instead, followed by a yelp and the release of the last remaining tentacle around your ankle. “What in the world were you thinking, pulling them beneath the water?!”

Slowly, your strength returned, the adrenaline leaving you, and in its place, only exhaustion remained. But regardless, you looked up to the Professor, only now realizing that two armed guards stood on either side of him, weapons pointed towards the water, and there…

A young man, with uncanny yet recognizable features, cradled one of the red tentacles in his hands. 

He was gigantic, much bigger than all the men in this room. His slicked-back hair fell in fiery red strands around his face, elevating his golden eyes that stared at the Professor sulkily. However, his gaze occasionally went lower. Instead of the Professor, he was looking at you ever so often, his features growing a little less tense, but curious and perhaps a little worried. The tentacle in his hold still had the same angry or wary red tone as before when you thought the octopus was in danger, and it was held by his large hands, the very same palms that you remembered gently cupping your face before… before… he kissed you. 

It wasn’t the time and place to feel ashamed all of a sudden, still the heat rose into your face, and you quickly wiped the towel over it as if to dry your skin. It had been your first kiss, although you expected that to go wildly different. You felt crazy to think about that right now, when you should be more concerned about what was happening around you, and you pinched your thigh to regain your focus. 

“Something was happening, and I was just trying to help, I swear!” the man in the water claimed, his voice restless. “I was just protecting them, I didn’t want to hurt them! Please, you have to believe me, I’ve been so good all this time! I always listen to what you tell me...”

A wave of guilt washed over you as you felt responsible. Surely, it wouldn’t put you in a good light with the facility to tell them you acted on some crazy thoughts of yours and freaked out over apparently nothing. Everything was calm, even the octopus seemed to have settled again while all of you were talking. But with the man still in the water, he was still in danger, especially with guns pointed at him, making it almost impossible to move. 

“Excuse me?” you called out, having to clear your throat as your voice cracked after all the coughing. As you stood up, the worried researchers followed your movements closely, not wanting you to faint or collapse from the strain. There was a real possibility that in a minute, they’d regret being so worried about you after the ruckus you caused. You’d probably never shake off the incident when you started working here. You would always be remembered as that person who almost drowned on their first day. Some would think you were out for attention or simply annoying and unsuited for your position. But it still wasn’t right not to at least admit your part in all of this, right? Even if it felt silly and embarrassing, you had to do something!

Thoughts and reasoning as always, is welcome! ♥

[girlsworldillusion]

I'll fake it until you give up (or will it be me?)

Final part

Part one > here

Ravenclaw!Barty - Gryffindor!Reader

Summary: The five times Barty tried to hint at a relationship with you, being actively blocked in the process, and the one time you were the one who did it.

Rated: Explicit (+18)

Ella's Notes: This was originally a one shot, but since I have no self-control, I created a monster of more than 20k, so I divided this story into two parts. I strongly advise you to read the first part if you haven't already, or you won't understand anything here. (I had Maxence Danet-Fauvel in mind while writing Barty, but of course you can imagine him however you like)

Happy reading!

Word count: 15k

Dividers: @saradika-graphics

English is not my first language, I apologize for any mistakes you may find.

iv.

The Slytherins knew how to throw a good party.

Obviously they would need to tie you up and force a liter of veritaserum down your throat before you would admit that out loud. But you suppose it was safe to admit it to yourself.

The low beat of the music blasts into your ears in just the right way, a sensual, enveloping bass that has you subtly moving your hips before you even realize you're doing it. The green-hued floating candles and silver and black decor cast purposefully mysterious shadows across the sweaty bodies that excitedly crowded the dance floor. A near-suffocating amount of cigarette and whatever crap the students were smoking swirled through the air in almost hypnotic spirals - you don't know how, but they managed to make even this explicitly school-banned act (not to mention the fact that it's highly harmful to health) seem cool here.

There was a kind of absolute, yet elegant, chaos at Slytherin parties that you didn’t see in other houses. Definitely not in Gryffindor, where there was usually only the chaos part.

They made drinks stronger than any other house, true, but that wasn’t a bad thing - at least not tonight. After the absolutely awkward and intimate moment you’d shared with Crouch a few nights ago, drinking yourself into oblivion was exactly what you needed.

And so you were doing.

The thing was so strong that you were only on the second glass and already your body felt light and your mind relaxed, the happy confusion of drunkenness already taking over your thoughts. It didn’t help that the glasses were charm to refill as the drink dwindled.

You were tipsy enough to find the dramatic antics Sirius was pulling with James and Remus across the room quite amusing, finally pulling the wands out of their arses to enjoy themselves in a green and silver party.

Unfortunately, however, you weren't drunk enough to stand Lockhart's presence. Honestly, you were completely convinced that there was no level of drunkenness that reached such parameters.

"...and then I spotted the golden snitch right there, wandering restlessly through the pouring rain with its fragile little wings. Of course, without me, they would have lost that match. The seeker was so confused that you could say the poor boy had been hit by an errant bludger. Oh, if it hadn't been for me..."

The man was so self-centered and vain that it made you want to stick your nails in your own ear canals and rip them out so you wouldn't have to hear him anymore.

"That's very interesting, Lockhart, but -" You try, with a lame excuse on the tip of your tongue to disappear from that place. But of course it wouldn't be that easy.

"Gilderoy, my dear. I already told you that you can call me Gilderoy." He interrupts you with a grin that’s bright enough to light up the entire castle, winking at you as if he’s granting you a Order of Merlin by allowing you to use his name.

“Okay…Gilderoy,” you grin, “as I was saying, your stories are really interesting, but I promised Mary I’d find her and—”

“Oh, but why would you? Aren’t we having a good time here?” Apparently, interrupting is another one of his annoying quirks, because he’s doing it again. But this time in a rather direct manner.

“Huh—” you sigh as he forces you to flatten yourself against the wall to put some space between your bodies, advancing towards you with a catlike gaze and a big, stupid grin on his mouth.

“Do you know how many girls would beg to be in your place right now, honeybun? You must know by now how sought after I am…” His voice is something artificially friendly and seductive, so ridiculous that you want to laugh in response. But you're too frozen in place to do anything like that.

And it's not because Lockhart is someone who inspires any fear. Merlin knows the man doesn't have a single threatening bone in his body. It's just the sudden proximity, his considerable height shadowing yours, and his poor and unwanted flirting - and maybe the exorbitant and unnecessary amount of alcohol the slytherins put in those damn drinks is making you vulnerable after all.

The fact is that you feel cornered in a totally unpleasant and unexpected way. And that makes you freeze for a moment, not knowing how to react.

"Uh, what do you say? How about we have some fun?" He moves a little closer, close enough that you can smell the alcohol on his breath wafting across your forehead, making your fingers press the glass until it feels like you could crush it.

"Lockhart."

A voice sounds behind the two of you, loud enough to be heard even over the low chords of the music, and you know who it is before you even see him, but Gilderoy still cranes his neck to find out who interrupted him at such an inopportune moment.

Inopportune for him, of course. For you it was a more than convenient moment.

"I'm surprised to find you here. I thought you were at the competition back there." Barty comments disinterestedly as raises the cigarette to his lips, looking at you over Gilderoy's shoulder with an appraising and intense look before turning back to the man.

"Competition?" Of course that's the key word to pique Lockhart's interest, making him take a few steps away from you as if you were nothing more than a background now, approaching Barty with a curious look while peering between the students with a raised eyebrow. "What kind of competition?"

"Something about who's the finest guy in our year or something stupid like that..." Barty smiles sharply and sarcastically, clearly disdaining the man's self-centered behavior, but Gilderoy doesn't even blink twice at his condescension. Honestly, you still have trouble understanding how someone as obtuse as Gilderoy Lockhart had been sorted into Ravenclaw. "The girls have already started voting."

The blond is already walking away from the two of you before the sentence is even complete, barely deigning to wave over his head as he shouts a 'talk to you later, honeybun.' A promise you hope will never come true.

Even when he disappears into the crowd of students, Barty still stands there; smoking his cigarette while staring at you with an irritating and very satisfied smile on the corner of his lip, winking gallantly at you with his left eye. He looks very proud of himself; with his stupid black jeans and boots, a gray shirt and a brown coat over it. His amber-toned hair is, as always, a total disaster, wisps of soft, unruly hair sticking out in every direction, as if he didn't even know there was such a thing as a hairbrush.

“You’re ridiculous, Crouch.” You roll your eyes, finally relaxing enough to go back to sipping your firewhiskey.

He grins wider.

“What? It was either that or hex that weasel face until he realizes he’s not to approach you like that ever again, princess. I assumed you’d prefer a more peaceful path. You know, because of all this gryffindor honor nonsense and stuff. Was I wrong?”

You pause.

He says it so simply, so easily, like it’s nothing. But the words lodge deep, nestling somewhere warm in your gut, and you don’t know what to do with them. So you do what you do best: push them away, hide them behind walls, blindfolds to keep yourself blind to what is already obvious, separated from words that could answer the only question that matters.

“I don’t need you to protect me.” You grumble sourly over the rim of your glass—though you feel undeniably relieved now that he’s shooed the inconvenient man away. But your faithful commitment to keeping Barty away and your absolute embarrassment over the last encounter still weigh on your mind, making you defensive. “I can take care of myself, thank you.”

“I know.” He winks, but makes no move to leave.

Neither of you says anything else after that, and the only relief you have left comes from the fact that you’re both apparently willing to pretend the incident from the other night never happened. But in the absence of a conversation, since you certainly won't be the one to bring up any subject, you find yourself with no other choice but to keep staring at him with narrowed eyes that basically scream at him to get some sense and get the hell out of your sight. And of course he remains blissfully unfazed by such obvious signs of hostility, smoking his cigarette as if he doesn't owe you anything, as if he's not the cause of your nerves being frayed lately.

Merlin, he irritates you so much. The white flag you had raised that night is definitely down once again.

And it's in the midst of these silent thoughts of hatred, and since you vehemently refuse to be the first to look away, that you find yourself observing with a certain and very unwanted level of interest the way he smokes. Which, logically and once again, he absolutely shouldn't be doing - your Head Girl vein is throbbing in your forehead. But even you can't deny the kind of hypnotic allure in the way he blows the cloud of smoke through his lips, the soft, hazy curtain that escapes through his nostrils - like a dragon lazily exhaling its smoke through its nose.

Barty, like the inconvenient watcher that he's, has already noticed your reluctant interest and decides to put on a little show now that he has an audience.

You blink suspiciously as he parts his lips in a curious little 'o', a perfectly flawless circle of smoke blowing into the air with the movement. The smoky circle spins on its axis, expanding into a larger and larger quivering ring as it moves away from his lips, until it naturally dissolves into a blurry cloud that dissipates into the air.

The whole thing holds your attention to the point that you barely remember he's still there, eyes blinking rapidly as you finally focus on the boy once more. He smiles, proud and satisfied, and you feel your cheeks burning with the sheer heat of embarrassment as realize there's absolutely nothing you can say right now to save yourself from the very obvious stare you're giving him.

So of course you go ahead and do the next stupidest thing you can. Damn slytherins and their abnormally strong firewhiskeys.

"Show me what it's like."

He arches his thick eyebrows at you, blue gaze shining with something you can barely decipher against the dim green of the room.

"What's it like...?"

"Smoking, obviously." You wave a hand at the cigarette in his fingers, adopting a nonchalant attitude to try to cover up your own embarrassment. Not that Barty is buying it, anyway. "There must be something extraordinary about it, since every time we meet you have one of those in your mouth. So come on, show me what I've been missing all this time."

It's a half-truth, you suppose. Although your request was only made for lack of something better and more intelligent to say, you had indeed caught yourself once or twice ruminating about the man's harmful habits. You had noticed that he would alternate between smoking regular cigarettes and roll a joint with his friends - there was no doubt that his lungs must be screaming for help by now. And there was a certain curiosity in you to know what made someone as young and apparently healthy as him give in to such vices. What demons did he face to resort to such a thing as an escape?

Of course, Barty Crouch Jr would never be the sensible person who would try to use logic and common sense to stop someone from diving headfirst into a vice that could very well ruin their good habits - and lungs, in this case. So, with a mischievous smile and a level of ease that should be at least worrying in fulfilling your request, he is approaching you.

He's much taller than Lockhart, you think immediately, with your cheeks heating up when he positions himself right in front of you, making you lean against the wall instinctively, your head tilting back so you can maintain eye contact. This is the first sign of the huge mistake you had made in making this request.

Even in the common room as crowded as it is, smelling of sweat, weed, sex and alcohol - you can still smell him, as close as you are. A rich, woody scent of some expensive cologne, the same one you smelled that night. The distant, soft notes of something refreshing and clean, like eucalyptus or mint leaves. And smoke, of course, embedded in every bit of him.

He blinks slowly at your open-mouthed expression, his teasing little smug softening into a gentler, less cheeky one.

"Are you sure?"

You huff, rolling your eyes as answer him.

"Of course I am, Crouch. I wouldn't ask if I wasn't."

Your voice is more breathless than you'd like, heart beating fast in your chest at the man's proximity. Which only gets worse when he rests his forearm on the wall, just above your head, leaning his body even further towards you as he makes you look at him once more.

"Okay." He says slowly, rolling the word around on his tongue like a caramel. He’s so close now that you can see how long and dark his eyelashes are, the green lighting around him shadowing and casting an enigmatic tone in his pale blue eyes, unsettlingly locked on yours. He certainly doesn’t need to be this close to do what you’ve asked, and to be honest, you can’t say why you haven’t pushed him away yet. His presence overwhelms you and makes you tense, though definitely not in the same way that Lockhart did. Barty makes you feel hyperaware of yourself, of every inch of your body; makes you notice the erratic pattern of your breathing and the rapid beating of your heart, makes you feel the heat creeping across your skin with embarrassment and something else. Something else…

He holds your gaze as he lifts the cigarette to your half-open mouth, resting the tip on your bottom lip like you’re a damn ashtray.

"Close your lips around it gently, doe," he whispers, close enough to you that you can hear him even over the beat of the music around you rattling the walls. You do as he says, round eyes locked with his as you delicately seal your lips around the cigarette. "That's it, just like that." He compliments you with a lazy, satisfied lift of the left corner of his lip, his blue gaze glistening with something sweet and sticky, like molasses. "Now suck a gentle breath around it, real slow so you don't choke - hey, hey, slow, sweetie, no rush." ​​He interrupts you with a low chuckle as you inflate your lungs like you're about to dive into the Black Lake, bracing yourself to inhale with far more eagerness than you should, absolutely distraught at what's happening. What these instructions, in that damned husky, low tone he's using, remind you of.

You’re sure there’s no need for such an intimately detailed tutorial when he could just tell you to put the damn cigarette in your mouth and inhale. But the way he’s doing it, your head is spinning and spinning with unwanted thoughts and you find yourself bitterly regretting asking for this in the first place, wanting nothing more than to get it over with so you can hide from him – preferably for the rest of your life.

You nod to let him know you understand, relaxing your body as best you can given the bizarre situation, sucking in a careful breath around the tip of the cigarette.

Even with his gentle and slow guidance, when the bitter, acrid taste of tobacco first slides down your throat, you find yourself unable to hold back the sudden wave of coughing that brings it on. Your eyes immediately widen and water and your throat closes up, body leaning forward as you feel like you might actually choke on it if you don’t start coughing right now.

"Shhh, it's okay..." Barty cups the back of your head in his broad palm, fingers stroking your hair as you bury your face in his coat, body shaking with the violent coughing fit that rips from your throat. "You did good, princess."

You feel like you could hex him.

"I-I did good?! Are you crazy, Crouch? Can't you see that - uh, fuck - I'm almost dying here?" You agonize against his chest, your voice rough with the hellish burning in your throat and lungs, eyes red and swimming with tears, a mess of smoke escaping from your nostrils and mouth as you speak, as if it don't quite know where to go.

You feel him smile widely as he rests his lips on the top of your head. And if you weren't completely focused on holding back the violent tremors of coughing and trying to stop yourself from crying like a little baby, you would have noticed the similarity of this contact with what had happened the other night. You would also have noticed how intimate you both are for anyone to see. Your smaller body curled up against his, his mouth in your hair as he murmurs reassuring words and smiles, one of his hands holding the cigarette away while the other slides down your back in comforting movements.

You pull away enough to lift your head to him, ready to give him a long and very rude lecture about how harmful it certainly was to anyone's lungs and that, now that you had tried it, you could state with complete certainty how insane he's for enjoying such a thing. But you don't.

Because instead of doing exactly that, you are suddenly too busy staring at the green lights flashing against his honey-colored hair, the blue depths of his eyes narrowed with sincere joy, the blatant softness in the wide smile he flashes at you.

Your lips part as you realize, with absolute shock, that you want to wrap your arms around his shoulders once more, to cling to him and feel the beat of his heart against your chest so that you know that you are both alive, together. You want to thread your fingers through that messy hair and feel if the strands are as soft as its look, you want it, you want it...

Merlin-

You want to kiss him.

And worst of all, you are so sure that Barty can see it, as if it is seeping out of you like red ink on white parchment.

You stumble back silently from the force of your own thoughts, giving him one last stunned look before stumbling through the sweaty crowd of dancing students towards the exit.

As soon as you are outside the Slytherin common room, you take a deep, shuddering breath. The knowledge that the world looks different now settles on your shoulders like a heavy, unbearable cloak.

You feel different now.

Because for the first time, it’s not just that Barty is attractive and annoyingly persistent.

It’s that you care about him.

And you don’t know what to do about it.

v.

The weather was lovely.

Hogwarts, in general, offered the best backdrops and visual aesthetics, in yout opinion. No matter the season and whatever mood you was in, there was always something enchanting about the weather around the school. But even by Hogwarts standards, the scene that had unfolded was stunning.

The afternoon was sunny just right; enough so that, although the sun was shyly hiding behind some gray, fluffy clouds, it still sent its rays through them in an almost ethereal manner - casting fragments of golden light into the air and onto the ground beneath your feet that were absolutely mesmerizing. And, in an unusual and breathtaking fusion, the icy drops of a rain that had begun without any prior warning fell endlessly from the sky, glistening against the golden background like countless ice crystals.

The scene was beautiful. Breathtaking, like something out of the pages of an adventure tale.

That's why you didn't understand why there was only you out there, with your arms wide open in the air and body spinning around and around as you smiled like an idiot in the rain.

The students were running from the gardens as soon as the first cold drops started falling from the sky, entering the castle so quickly that you could say they were made of sugar if you didn't know better. But it would be their loss, in the end. Only someone very sad about life or indifferent to true beauty wouldn't enjoy this moment for what it really is. A gift.

Your laughing and joyful spin is slowly interrupted when you notice a figure standing under a tree. You don't need more than a single glance to know who it is.

Barty has his hands in the pocket of his uniform pants, the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up at the elbows, a blue tie sloppily around his neck. His hair is as chaotic as ever. He's smiling, although not his usual crooked and teasing smile. He smiles softly, like someone who truly appreciates what he sees.

Your brows furrow softly when you realize he’s just standing there, staring at you from a far corner of the gardens. It confuses you for a moment, since he’s never had a problem approaching you before, certainly. But this time there’s something almost hesitant in the anxious swaying of his body as he clearly struggles to stay still, in the measured gleam in his blue gaze. As if he’s afraid of interrupting something, ruining a perfect moment.

You gaze contemplatively at the golden sky once more, lips parted in a long sigh.

When you turn your attention back to the man, you do so accompanied by a nod of your chin, subtly indicating that it’s okay to approach.

Barty doesn’t need a second prompt. Before you can even follow, he’s already in front of you: one moment his unruly hair is dry and protected from the rain, the next the light brown strands cling to his forehead, darkening a few shades, the icy drops running down its length until trail down the curved bridge of his nose. You blink at him, at his sudden proximity. And despite your heart racing in your chest, you don’t try to pull away this time.

It’s with butterflies in your stomach and strangely shaky hands that you realize you don’t want to pull away this time.

“What are you doing?” He smiles, looking a little pathetic all wet like that, like a scalded cat. A joint rolled methodically and tucked in the crook of his left ear (also soaked from the rain now), a jagged, swollen cut on his lower lip from some recent fight he got into and didn’t bother to heal with magic. It’s annoying how he’s still absolutely charming to the eye like this.

“I’m dancing in the rain,” you sigh, even though you’re no longer moving a single muscle in your body, with bright eyes and a smile so vulnerable that it pushes you straight onto the list of the most silly people you’ve ever met.

And the worst part is that you can’t even care much about it now.

He smiles wider at you, coming so close that you have to look up to maintain eye contact. And what a beautiful smile he has - so cheerful and open that little dimples form on his cheeks. Around you the rain continues to fall without stopping, crystal clear drops against a golden background that reflects directly in the clear blue of Barty's eyes, in the enviable length of his eyelashes...

Neither of you say anything else after that. There's no need. The whole scenario, straight out of a cheesy cliché that would make you vomit under any other circumstances, contributes to this moment moving in one direction. It's truly inevitable that your bodies will come closer, that the smile will diminish to something more intense and raw on both your lips, that your eyes will shine with unspoken whispers.

Barty lifts a hand to tuck a strand of your soaked hair behind your ear. You blink up at him as you feel the rain weighing your uniform. Feel it dripping down your hair and down your back. Feel it pooling in your socks and shoes. The rain is everywhere, covering you completely, and it should be uncomfortable, but it’s dulling all your senses. The rain and Barty Crouch Junior.

Tension blooms between the two of you in the silence that follows, his eyes actively searching yours before slowly dropping to your mouth. Both of you remembering what happened at that Slytherin party - what almost happened. He breathes and you move with him, letting one hand palm his soaked chest with a shaky exhale as his head dips lower, your wet, cold noses gently touching, a prelude that makes you yearn as if you can already taste him on your tongue.

“Please don’t push me away this time,” he murmurs and you gasp at the almost desperate plea in his voice, heart fluttering in your chest like the wings of a golden snitch. And within seconds, his mouth is pressed against yours.

It’s initially cold and slippery from the rainwater when his lips finally meet yours. A soft, gentle kiss on your parted, ever-indecisive lips. His fingers slide across your wet cheeks and you cling to his shoulders, feeling the soaked fabric of his shirt.

Barty tilts his head then, deepening the kiss, his mouth sliding so easily against yours that it’s as if he’s done it before. And though still wet, the inside of his mouth molding to yours is so warm and soft, and it’s making the dull ache in your chest dissipate.

Barty is a very good kisser, with the practice he’s obviously had, but you’re also good at following through, despite the lack of it. His kiss tastes like saliva and mint and the lingering weed from his joint and it’s so, so good, good enough that you think you could get high from it alone. You don’t hesitate before kissing him back, gripping his shirt tighter as you balance on your tiptoes, struggling to find purchase where the fabric is clinging to his skin. But Barty helps you, even as he’s kissing you like he’s been craving it for ages. His other hand slides to your waist, pulling you closer as he supports you with his tall, lean body, deepening the kiss with a confidence that makes your knees weak.

Your hands fist tightly in his shirt as his thumb continues to stroke your cheek, and you can’t help the shy sound that escapes you when he gently catches your bottom lip between his teeth with a playful tug before sucking it into his mouth again. Your tongue languidly slides across the bloody cut on his lip, soothing the wound, and it’s his turn to groan into your mouth, a vibrant rumble that starts straight in his throat and dies on your lips.

Another thick cloud of rain approaches, cold drops hitting your back, sticking your clothes to your skin even more. Neither of you cares about it, the rumble of thunder is distant to the east, the rays of the sun still bright above the horizon. The rain runs down your cheeks and between the panting gaps of your lips as you kiss, a different taste on Barty’s minty tongue.

With your hands tangled in his soaked shirt and neck, you kiss for what feels like hours. Any doubts about whether or not the two of you were compatible are completely trampled by now - considering the natural way you both fit together as you kiss. Dizzy from the smell of wet earth around the castle and the hints of Barty’s woody cologne, you sigh as you let the kisses naturally fade to something softer.

With a slow brush against your parted lips, Barty pulls his mouth away from yours, both of you breathing hard, your foreheads resting together. He’s still holding you, one arm around your waist and the other hand on your cheek, his body leaning over you, and your hands still firmly anchored on his broad shoulders. You try to speak a few times, your lips trembling where they’re brushing over his, and Barty can’t help but smile softly, stealing another kiss as if he can’t resist your cute nonsense.

The warm feeling in your chest makes you smile back, a weak one, trying to hold back the tears that have come without you even realizing it. And you look at him, at those eyes bluer than the blue of the sky, at the satisfied and hopeful smile on his lips. Lips soft and swollen with the kisses he gave you. And your heart calls to him, screaming silently and meaninglessly, in ecstasy and confusion.

The feeling of that irregular call in your chest, combined with the awe of seeing someone look more charming than anyone would consider fair... it was akin to falling in love. And it should have been obvious all along, it should have been. But you've spent so long pretending, so long building walls and barricades to keep yourself protected behind them, that now you don't know how to let them down.

You don't know how to let yourself feel, no matter how much you want to. And Merlin, you do.

It's obvious that you don't want to leave this silent sanctuary any time soon, but you remove your hands from his shoulders anyway. Press your lips against his cold, wet cheek one last time as let the fire die down with a breath of reality.

"No..." he whispers wetly when he notices your pull away, his smile dying and his gaze darkening to something so open and raw, almost betrayed, as he watches you stumble back.

You feel yourself breaking a little at this, because you know you did what he asked you not to do. But the truth is, you don't know how to do it differently. How not to ruin everything. Because that's what you do, always. Ruin everything. And you did it again; you masterfully ruined what was a beautiful afternoon at Hogwarts. All because you don't know how to feel anything good without panicking.

But maybe it was better this way. If you acted like it never happened, then you wouldn't have to think about it anymore. Barty was someone so special, so open with his feelings. He certainly deserved better than a constipated emotional person like you. He would realize that soon enough. And soon, to him, you would be nothing more than a forgotten memory. Everything would be okay. Yeah, right.

(And the fact that you couldn't even believe your own lie at that moment doesn't surprise you as much as it should.)

v + i

It's like you're promptly short-circuiting, not believing you're actually doing this. You can't believe you're actually going to do this. Maybe after this humiliation, you can run away to a faraway place and hide, preferably on the other side of the world.

"We need to talk, Crouch."

You burst through the dorm door with the strength of a hurricane, the determination of a warrior and the red cheeks of a sinner. In your silent desperation the door is pushed open and thrown with such force that it bounces off the opposite wall with a dramatic thud and almost hits you in the face again, making you wince and want to sink into the floor as you hold it.

Barty, as you learned through top secret sources, was right there, lounging in his dorm; leaning against the headboard, with one leg folded over the other. In his hands an open and empty box of Chocolate Frogs. His eyes widen at your bombastic entrance, freezing with the candy rolling on his tongue as if he’s been caught committing a serious infraction, sending you the most ridiculous and cute grimace you’ve ever seen on a man.

It’s out of sheer embarrassment at your own theatrical eagerness that you look away, staring at the blue curtains dotted with endless constellations of stars surrounding the beds and windows, the shelves crammed with books. And since there’s no such thing as the rest of the just, as your gaze wanders you realize that you’re not the only ones in the room—as the top secret sources had assuredly claimed.

Evan fucking Rosier of all people is lounging on the bed across the room, so naturally you’d think it was his. His eyebrows are raised, obviously surprised by your entrance as well, but he recovers much faster than Barty.

Just to wipe the smirk off his face, you almost threaten to give him detention for simply being there; well past curfew and in a dormitory that isn't even his own house to begin with. And you almost do. Until you remember that you absolutely shouldn't be in Ravenclaw Tower either, Head Girl or not - especially when it's not even your patrol night.

Rosier looks away from yours at his friend with an outrageous dose of mischief in his eyes, a cheeky smile that doesn't hide any of his thoughts. Which makes you remember that you only put up with the guy and his horrible behavior because he's Pandora's brother, whom you loved with all your heart. Merlin knows you would have punched the slytherin in the face already if that weren't the case.

You send him your most piercing look as gather what's left of your dignity into a fragile (but proud) bundle.

"Alone."

Evan folds his hands behind his head and sprawls comfortably against the pillow (which isn't his), showing that he was more than comfortable there, with no apparent reason to leave.

"Are you sure about that, beautiful? I think it would be much more fun if I stayed right where I am." He winks mischievously at you, a smile too big on his lips, teasing you and your obvious embarrassment as if he were earning a few good galleons with it. "Maybe you'll find out that you like a threesome..."

These men and their attitudes. You were already fed up with all of them!

With the blood boiling in your veins and an insatiable desire to frustrate him in the best way possible, you take a deep breath before looking at him with as much feigned innocence as you can muster at the moment.

"Oh, how did you guess?" The question is punctuated with a sigh of theatrical exaggeration, letting your eyes shine as you walk over to the bed and extend your hand to him in invitation.

The abrupt change in your mood would be comical and taken very lightly by anyone, but Evan accepts it much more easily than you could have imagined - albeit with a wavering smile, trying to understand what exactly was happening. You let him hold your hand as he stand up, his tall body towering over yours.

As you hold his gaze, you take a few delicate steps back, guiding him towards the exit without him even noticing. Men.

You lean into him a little as you whisper:

"Actually, that would be my dream come true."

"R-really?" He stammers, his cheeks flushing slightly, his electric blue eyes sparkling with excitement. Despite your frazzled nerves, you bite your lip to hold back your laughter as realize how easy it could be to fool him, but you still nod, batting your eyelashes at him slowly. At that, his eyes widen to their maximum size, and this reaction, coupled with the blush on his cheeks and the mess of blond curls on his head, lends him an air of almost innocence - despite his nefarious ways. "Merlin, then we could just-"

“Oh yeah, sure, but maybe another time, hm?” You cut him off with a roll of your eyes as you reach the open door, palming the slytherin’s chest. He smiles at that for about two seconds before sucking in a stuttered breath as he finally realizes where he is and what you’ve been planning all this time. You grin and blink at his daze, throwing him out with a single, hard shove before he can say anything else, locking the door quickly.

For a moment all you hear is silence, until there’s a loud thud on the wood that makes you jump a little in fright.

And you can only assume that’s his forehead hitting the door.

“Wait, so you’re saying it’s possible, yes?” His voice sounds muffled and hopeful through the door.

You almost growl. “Go away, Rosier!”

You stay there just long enough to hear a disappointed, almost sullen grunt before his purposefully hard footsteps sound across the floor as he reluctantly walks away.

"You know, he's not going to shut up about this from now on."

Your body turns to face the ravenclaw, who has recovered from the shock at some point and is now sporting his characteristic sly smile, his hands folded in his lap. His young, handsome features are highlighted both by the amber lighting of the stove located in the corner of the room and by the pale moonlight that enters through the stained glass window behind his bed. And, even from a distance, you notice that there is no longer any trace of the swollen, ugly cut on his lower lip. Which means that either this time the two of you hadn't seen each other in longer than you realized, or Barty had finally received the blessing of a modicum of common sense to use a healing spell on his own wounds.

You snort, feeling almost sick to your stomach from how nervous you are. "Like he'd shut up about anything."

He laughs and nods, but you feel too anxious to smile back. Your gaze darts back and forth between the floor and his eyes, hands clasped in front of you, unsure of what to do with your own presence now that silence reigns.

Barty doesn't look hurt, which is somehow even worse. That betrayed shadow in his gaze from last time, a memory that's haunted you ever since, is definitely gone. He looks almost... okay? That only makes you even more uncomfortable. Because you know he can't be okay, not after the colossal mess you've made of things. You know you've hurt him.

You're both silent for a moment, and when you summon the courage to look at him again, you see him staring at a blank spot behind your head for a moment, almost as if he's seeing through you, his eyes fixed and his jaw clenched. The whole thing happens in less than two seconds, and when he notices you watching him again, his face relaxes so quickly and artificially that it’s almost comical, and he gives you a wide smile, confident that he’s doing a good job of hiding what he’s really feeling.

But you see it, of course you see it, because Barty Crouch isn’t subtle about his emotions and reactions—he wears them on his face and in his body language without any suspense, an open book for anyone to see.

But now he’s trying to hide it, pretending that everything’s okay so as not to hurt you. Willing to play this hot and cold game all over again, just because he thinks that’s what you want. For some reason it makes you want to scream at him, shake him by the shoulders and tell him that he can’t do things like that—he can’t make you feel so humiliatingly attracted to him with gestures like that.

Because he should just be Barty Crouch Jr, the troublemaker of Hogwarts. He should just be Barty who is as spectacular inside the classroom as he is an absolute disaster outside it. Loud, arrogant, with no respect for rules or good behavior.

He shouldn’t be anything more than that, and you certainly shouldn’t have the slightest interest in him, being his complete opposite. You’re like water and wine. His audacity to disrupt the status quo of things makes you irrationally angry with yourself and with him.

But no matter how much you kick your feet and throw a tantrum and pretend it’s not happening, the situation is this:

a) you didn’t loathe his presence, as you sometimes pretended.

b) to be honest, you even missed his irritating looks when its weren’t there.

c) the irritation with your own inability to allow yourself to feel what he was so obviously willing to offer only grew with each encounter.

Of course, you still trying to persuade yourself—in a stupid and frankly pathetic effort—that you weren’t slowly falling in love with the man: the idea of ​​love still gave you the creeps sometimes.

But the cold hard truth was that you couldn’t ignore those moments when you found yourself practically vibrating out of your skin, your breath coming in short gasps and your cheeks red as steam almost came out of your ears like a kettle boiling, with just the thought of him. And the more you thought about it, the more it seemed pointless to try so hard to resist, and it was really scaring the hell out of you.

And that’s why you were here. For clarification.

Coming tonight was entirely your idea. Well, almost entirely yours - Pandora had some part in it, and Merlin help you so she doesn't find out about it.

You could still remember the blonde’s reaction when you reluctantly opened up about the recent events involving you and Barty. "You can't keep doing this," she said, clucking incessantly like a mommy hen scolding her chick, "please decide on your feelings. I know it's hard for you to understand them and come to terms with them, but Barty is crazy about you. And I'm sure that's evident by now. You'd be a fool to let him go, especially over something as simple as pride or stubbornness."

You'd pouted at the time, indignant and offended that Pandora was giving you a moral lesson when you were already so emotionally fragile. But after pondering her words for a few days, arguing with yourself as you stirred your potions in the cauldron with a sour frown, and as you patrolled the empty corridors with heavy, sullen steps (scaring a few portraits in the process) - you realized there was a lot of truth in those words.

It turns out that knowing what to do and confronting your feelings head-on are two entirely different things. And though you know you should be the one to go to him this time, you realize you don’t really know what to say now that you have his attention. And that’s scary in itself, because words have always been everything to you; your defense, your offense, and your negotiation with the world. But when it comes to Barty, you always feel completely bereft of them.

“You—,” you begin, unsure and out of place, licking your lips when realize how suddenly dry they are. “Are you… really mad at me?”

“No,” he answers without even blinking, so quickly and with such conviction that it immediately convinces you of his sincerity. “I’m just confused. Confused and a little insecure, I guess.”

You can’t help but be puzzled, after all, insecure and Barty definitely couldn’t possibly be related.

“I don’t think that’s possible for you.” You huff out a low laugh, thinking this is just another one of his ill-timed jokes.

Barty sighs, shaking his head and tugging at a loose thread on the bedsheet. The corner of his mouth lifts in a tired smile before he confides,

"—It may not seem like it, but you can bet I never feel sure of anything when it comes to you, little lion." It's impossible not to notice the sudden intensity in his voice. "You seem to be changing your mind so often, I never know if I'm right or not."

The room is so quiet you could almost hear a pin drop, the atmosphere filled with tension and something more. The deep blue of Barty's eyes stare into your soul after his words, and you feel yourself trembling as realize your own feelings, which come crashing down on you all at once. The stab of the accusation, even said in a gentle tone, still hurts something in your chest and heats your cheeks with embarrassment and the compulsion to look away is strong, but you don't. You owe him that, at least.

You nod. "You're right," your voice is low and guilty, not even trying to deny the truth. "Sometimes it's just hard to believe that this is really happening to me... you know... most of the time I don't know what to do with it. What to do with you. But you're right and-"

You are interrupted, not by words, but by Barty's next actions. He suddenly abandons his place on the bed, standing up to invade your personal space with impressive speed. You have a few seconds to admire how comfortable and cozy he looks in his simple gray pajama pants and white cotton shirt before he’s on you. For a second, you almost think he might be considering kissing you again, since the closeness is so similar to last time.

Except there’s no kiss. Barty doesn’t even touch you. All he does is stand in front of you, too close for comfort, close enough that you have to clear your throat or look away, overwhelmed by his intense presence. You choose the first option.

“I don’t want to be right about this,” he answers then, so close that you have to crane your neck to look at him, heart racing in your chest. “I want you to be sure.”

You shake your head, unsure of how to respond, unable to understand what he wants to hear.

Barty narrows his eyes, his voice dropping several octaves as he asks, 

“What does it take for you to be sure?"

"I - I..." You stammer, trying to find words that stubbornly refuse to find their way into your mouth.

Barty watches you for another awkward moment, then exhales and runs a hand through his hair, messing it up even more in the process. "Look, I get it, you have a hard time believing all this, right? But you're acting like this is a silly thing, something that's going to go away soon. As if I just woke up one day and decided to like you, but I'll soon realize that's not quite the case." He lets out a breathy but humorless laugh, his blue eyes almost desperately while search yours. "Do you know how long I've been stuck with you? How disheartening it was to realize that no matter how much attention I got from other people, the one person I wanted it was too busy treating me like a hindrance? Like an inconvenience?"

You hold your breath.

"I tried everything to get your attention," he continues, his voice rougher now. "Watching you discreetly, watching you not at all discreetly, beating you in exams to get a reaction, reading the same books as you to get a chance to talk about it - I even tried to sneak into the Gryffindor common room to talk to you one night, but that idiot Potter got to me before I could." He rolls his eyes at this part, making his disdain for James clear - as if it wasn't already obvious after all these years. "You obviously had a lot more brains than me on this, seeing as you're here now and everything..." he continues to mutter under his breath, now almost surpresed by your apparent ease to invade other houses' dormitories at will.

"You do know you're describing a stalking, right?" You sigh with a disbelieving laugh, though your entire body is practically shaking with anxiety.

Barty shrugs, unfazed by the accusation. "But it didn't matter what I did or how, because you..." He trails off, shaking his head, eyes shining into yours. "You always got away, always left."

Your skin turns dark red, chest tightening at the memory of how many times you had made him sad with this - even though your reasons were real and they were valid, it was still uncomfortable knowing that you had affected him so much in the process of understanding your own feelings.

Barty, sensing your inner conflict and wanting to offer some comfort (even when he was obviously the one who needed comforting at that moment) reaches up to grab your chin, his thumb stroking the delicate line of your jaw.

“This is scaring you, I get it. It’s not nonsense,” he says solemnly.

“Hngh,” you reply, very articulately.

Normally you pride yourself on being able to keep your cool. You can divert, change the subject and escape from one conversation to another when you want to. But—much to your increasing unhappiness, and because when it comes to Barty Crouch Jr nothing is as you thought—that’s not what happens.

You’re completely speechless.

It’s as if nothing is happening in your brain. You just look at him, feel his long fingers on your skin, his fresh, clean scent surrounding you, and your mouth tries to move, really tries, but nothing coherent comes out. Even the smoke notes that seem permanently embedded in him, though much softer tonight, feel appealing and captivating to you.

“If it’s proof you need, I can give it to you.” He murmurs at your inability to express himself, close enough that you can count each individual eyelash in his stupid blue eyes. “I can make you believe, little lion, I swear. Let me make you believe.”

The way he says it, hopeful and husky and so close to your lips, the impact of his request, makes you shift your weight to the other foot, uneasy. You feel a pressure in your belly, heat rising up the back of your neck. You burn with shame, guilt, but most of all, with excitement, because he looks a little silly like this, begging. But there’s fire in his eyes too, determined and intense, like a intense fire raging through the forest—destroying to rebuild, stronger, more resilient, burning you from the inside out, and…and you can’t take it.

"I know I'm loud, stupid, and a fucking mess at all, I know. I also know I'm far from the guy you envisioned as your boyfriend, but let me make you understand that this is real, that you can trust me with your heart. I won't mess it up this time, I promise. Please, just let me-"

Your hand comes up before you can think better of it, sliding through his soft, messy locks, and just as quickly as he'd come closer before, you bring his mouth to yours to cut off his babbling - partly because his words were making you tremble and blush in a particularly annoying way, and partly because he was right there, moving those soft lips without a damn pause for breath and it didn't feel very healthy.

You feel a little stupid when he immediately tenses, letting out a surprised 'hmmpf', muffled by your mouth on his. Before you can pull away, however, he recovers from the shock, wrapping his arm around your waist and tangling his other hand in your hair, pulling you towards him as he lowers his mouth to yours to deepen the kiss.

Your throat hums a soft sound, because kissing Barty is just as good as you remembered, absolutely exquisite, just like the first one had been. He’s methodical and careful as he licks your soft mouth, his arm tightening around your waist, keeping your bodies pressed together. You’re heated now, cheeks flushed with contentment as much as shyness.

Your head turns in the sweetest way when he parts your lips, applying more pressure to your tongue, and it’s dizzying, intoxicating, the way both your heads tilt and your lips fit together, the taste of Barty on your tongue; mint, chocolate and that annoying, inconvenient tang of smoke. He’s all slick heat and languid tongue, licking and stroking with a slow, lazy grace, as if he has all the time in the world.

The whole thing becomes too much and not enough at the same time.

You push your hand under his shirt to touch his bare skin, needing to feel him closer, better, your fingertips sliding over the hard muscles of his stomach, feeling the heat of him, the way they instantly contract under your touch; Barty makes a low, broken noise against your mouth and digs his fingers deeper into your hair, pulling your head back with that grip — and fuck — presses the entire length of his body against yours, letting you feel the effect you had on him with that touch.

“Oh merlin,” you sigh, breaking the kiss to gasp, keeping your eyes closed tightly for a few more seconds, head spinning as you realize that Barty is hard — like, really hard, against your belly right now. “Merlin,” you say over and over, oh. “Barty, that feels…”

With one hand still clenched in your hair, the other desperately gripping your body by the waist to keeping you close, he breathes as heavily as you do.

Barty murmurs your name, lips moist and already swollen from the kisses. He seems to be trying to say something as he touches his forehead to yours, but he’s also struggling to find the words—and it’s almost comforting to see that, to know that you’re not the only one who seems unable to express yourself right now. He hugs you tighter and leans down to rest his lips on your neck, gently brushing his mouth against the warm thrum of your pulse, making your magic sing beneath your skin, reacting intensely to that gentle touch.

Your name is whispered once more as he pulls away from your skin, almost reverentially, catching your chin between his thumb and forefinger to tilt your head up and make you look at him again. You do so with half-lidded eyes and crimson tinted cheeks, and you know in that moment that you’ve never seen anything as blue as Barty’s eyes.

"Can I... can I touch you? I just want... I just want to make you feel good. I promise to make you feel so good, little lion," he murmurs, his voice husky, body seeming to vibrate with barely contained energy, right where your palm is still flat on his belly - trembling with the need to do exactly as he said, pulsing with the desire to explore and worship every inch of you.

How could you deny that? How could you want anything other than exactly that?

You nod sloppily, but it seems that's not enough for Barty. He tilts his head, leaving a soft, wet kiss on the delicate line of your jaw, warm breath fanning across your cheek. He nudges your flushed skin with the tip of his nose, trailing a little further until he reaches the curve of your neck.

"None of that, pretty. I need words."

You let out a sigh - It's a little hard to form words when he seems determined to torment you with his touches.

Your jaw works as he sucks on a spot on your neck, heat growing in your chest the longer he continues.

“Y-yes,” you breathe as his tongue slowly undulates across your skin, his fingers, still deeply tangled in your scalp, squeezing pleasantly until you shiver. “Can you touch me, Barty...please, I want it—”

Barty pulls away from your neck and brings you face to face with him again, noses touching. “You’re finally being honest with how you feel, damn it.” He murmurs against your lips, fingers combing through your hair to cradle the side of your head, thumbs pressing against your jaw to tilt you back. He leans down and rests his forehead against yours, exhaling a slow, warm sigh against your lips. Every hair on your body stands on end in anticipation, your nerves on edge.

“I’m going to kiss you again, okay?” He warns in a ragged whisper, as if giving you another chance to stop him if you wanted to. When you obviously don’t make any argument against it, his lips are on yours once more.

And if you whimper into his mouth, well, that was your problem.

You pant, hands fisted in his cotton shirt, head stutters as you feel his lips fit better between yours, sucking gently on your bottom lip. It feels so good, soft and languid, it makes your heart beat faster in your chest, heat creeping into your belly - warm and pulsing, like a star is shining inside it. It’s almost sinful the way he kisses you, so slow and deliberate - someone who knows what he’s doing. Sliding his tongue along yours without any rush, sucking and nibbling on your trembling bottom lip with a sensual and gentle pressure. He pushes you in the direction he wants, keeping you warm and needy with his expert touches.

The extent of your own intimate experience with the opposite sex, lack thereof to be more precise, is limited to a single, awkward encounter with a gryffindor boy after a won quidditch match - certainly not enough to prepare you for something like this. He was a virgin then, like you, and there’s no need to tell that the whole thing was a blur of awkward kisses, bumping limbs and inexperienced touches, lots of awkward giggles and apologies. It was over as soon as it began, and you fled his dorm like someone fleeing the plague—you’re not proud to say that you still try hard to avoid the poor guy, which is a decidedly challenging task at times, since he’s in the same house as you.

Barty, on the other hand, exudes confidence and ease in every touch—a confidence that can only come from true experience. Every movement, every kiss, every brush of his fingers is done with purpose and intent, a means to lead you down the path he desires.

It’s enough to make you feel something strangely akin to jealousy—the knowledge that he’s done this before, often enough to be quite good at it. It’s irrational, of course, and you certainly have no right to feel that way.

But you try not to focus too much on that, choosing instead to focus on the indisputable evidence that his prowess is your gain at this moment. Your body is certainly more than satisfied with his ability to read you, to know exactly where and how to touch you.

When your back touches his mattress, you are already completely and disastrously kissed. Your mind is so clouded and drunk on his mouth that you didn't even notice when he guided you towards the bed.

As you settle your head more comfortably on the pillow, Barty unties the curtains to hide the bed from any unwanted presence that might invade the dorm, murmuring a silencing charm around the two of you. Your face heats up and your heart skips a beat at what this represents, the flush on your skin evidenced by the pale glow of the moonlight that shines through the stained glass window next to the bed.

"Comfortable?" he asks with a small, affectionate smile on his lips, smoothing the heat on your cheek with his thumb. The smile widens in amusement when you mumble some random response, round eyes, blinking at him like an owl.

He kneels slowly between your parted legs, reaching behind him to grab the collar of his shirt, pulling it up over his neck—and it’s strange how the gesture makes your stomach churn. You can only admire the creamy planes and defined lines of his chest and abs for a moment before he’s above you again.

“I’ve been waiting so long for this,” he confides as he slides one hand under the oversized shirt you wear to bed, leaning on his other arm to press his mouth against yours again. Your hands roam all over his upper body—and it feels incredible under your hands, muscles taut and defined from years of quidditch, skin warm and soft—and it feels even more incredible when pressed against yours.

His fingers are amazing too when they touch a strip of skin on your belly and you sigh at it, opening your lips to accept the slippery slide of his tongue, melting in how his mouth conquers you with hunger and evasion, alternating mind-blowing kisses with teasing caresses of his tongue that leave you breathless and trembling.

You let him take what he needs, tilting your neck towards him and moving your lips in time with his. There’s no reason to fight it anymore. Not when this is all that’s left.

The thought tightens your throat, so you focus your attention on the grip of his fingers on your hip and the slide of his mouth. On the thrill that runs through you when he breaks the kiss, his forehead touching yours. He gasps sharply into your mouth, his eyes still searching yours under the shy rays of moonlight, and you wonder if intimacy should scare you. It doesn’t.

He stares at you as his fingers continue to tug at the hem of your shirt, and before long, his warm hands are running up your waist, slowly caressing the shape of your ribs, all the way up to just below your breasts.

And when he gets a little closer, you blurt out, “I-I’ve only done this once before.”

You don’t know why you say it, your mouth running before you can stop it.

He looks deeper into your eyes, searching for something. “Okay…” He nods carefully, and you think he’s about to end it all. “We don’t have to do anything other than kiss tonight. It’s okay if-”

You shake your head immediately. “No. I want to keep going. I just…you know…” You stutter, unsure about exposing your insecurities. “I just don’t want to disappoint you or anything.”

Barty chuckles softly as he shakes his head, leaning down to kiss your forehead for just a second before whispering, "That would be impossible, little lion. You're too perfect for something like that. Too perfect for me too...but I'm a selfish fucker, you know."

His hand feels huge and warm against your ribs and you swallow hard as a wave of heat washes over you at his words.

"Is it okay if I touch you here?" He keeps those gorgeous blue eyes on yours as he asks, carefully moving his fingers an inch higher, towards your breasts.

Heart racing, but without any hesitation, you answer, "Yes, please-"

His hand finally moves, reaching for your chest. You dig your fingers into his broad shoulders as he finds your breast. Pressing his lips to yours lazily, he runs his thumb over your hardened nipple, making gentle circles over your bra. It feels good. Amazing in true. Even better than when you touched yourself.

"What can I do?" he whispers into your mouth, and then lets his lips trail over the warm, flushed area of ​​your cheek. "With you. Tell me what can I do?"

“Everything,” you sigh at him, feeling in that moment that you really mean it. He can have all of you.

He grunts against your skin, his thumb still teasing the hardened bud of your nipple. “You shouldn’t say things like that, little lion, it might make me greedy.”

You blush, but you also almost yell at him for being so stupidly slow with his teasing. Barty is always so assertive, hyperactive and eager - it feels like a punishment that he’s decided to be patient tonight, simmering you like this.

Deciding that you won’t leave any more unnecessary delay, you can’t squirm to get your shirt off fast enough, nearly elbowing Barty in the face in the process. He chuckles softly and dodges your flailing limbs, and you flop panting back onto the bed when you’re done, this time in just your bra and sleep pants. You hope he gets the message, but you’re fully prepared to take your bra off yourself if need be.

"Someone's in a hurry." Of course he's annoying about it too, smirking all too smugly at your eagerness.

"Barty, I swear to Merlin if you don't shut up and start doing something I'm going to... I'm going to... I-"

The words trail off as you feel him slip a finger under the strap of your bra on your shoulder, slowly lowering it, leaning down to trail kisses along your shoulder and collarbone. You shiver. His soft lips brushing against your skin, along with his warm breath, makes you shiver and your nipples harden. Meanwhile, his other hand slides the strap off your other shoulder.

"Are you going to...?" He teases, his eyebrows raised in curiosity and amusement, but he continues to kiss your neck and shoulders as his hands slowly slide down your back to unclasp your bra.

"Fuck you." You curse, but still help him remove it and let it fall to the floor. His hands are gentle as they cup your breasts and brush his thumbs over the sensitive peaks of your nipples. Each stroke of his thumb sends little jolts of pleasure down your spine. When he leans forward and takes one into his mouth, you moan and grip his shoulders tighter. He sucks slowly, sweeping the soft peak with his undulating tongue and you squeeze your eyes shut, small stuttering sounds falling from your lips.

“What about there, baby?” His hand leaves one breast alone and drops to your knee. Your stomach twists at the warm touch. He slides his hand up your thigh and whispers over your drooling nipple, brushing the sensitive peak with his lips until you squirm and mewl, “Can I touch you there?”

You nod eagerly, the easiest decision of your life, really.

Moving slowly up your thigh, his hand finally wraps around the waistband of your sleep pants, pulling the elastic down your legs—you can’t kick the thing off fast enough.

His waist is between your legs, his mouth on your breast, and the first brush of his knuckles against the crotch of your panties has you gasping. He does the same to your nipple, murmuring, “Fuck.”

You feel his fingers moving against you further to the side, his thumb massaging your nipple now that he’s stopped lathering it with his tongue. You tangle your hands in the soft mess of his hair and hold his mouth against yours as he leans down to kiss you once more, hungrily and deeply, grunting into your mouth between gasps of breath. He runs his fingers along the flimsy (and embarrassingly wet) fabric of your panties, slowly moving up to the spot that throbs and begs for attention, then back down again. Over and over.

"Barty, please don't be so slow," you finally break the kiss, breathing heavily, your eyebrows furrowed, and cheeks flaming - a sullen pout on your lips.

"Fuck, I always knew you'd be a brat, little lion." He sighs almost happily, catching your bottom lip between his teeth with a slight tug before releasing it. "When that pussy is nice and slick and ready for my cock, you'll thank me for being so 'slow'."

You gasp at the dirty words that suddenly pour from his mouth like a damn faucet turned on - words that heat up not only your face, but your pussy as well.

"I'll thank you when you stop being such a teasing bastard and make me come."

Your words show a lot more courage and sass than you actually feel, but you're glad you can get them out.

He chuckles slowly, blue eyes darkening right before you.

“Spread your legs wider for me then, pretty.” He commands softly, and if you weren’t so hot and throbbing you would have denied it on instinct alone, but as it is, you just send him a very poor scolding look before doing as he says. He shifts, tilting his body so he’s on your side on the bed, getting a better view of your legs parting for him. You want to tell him the bed is too small for the two of you to be like this, but somehow it works - he’s on his side on the mattress now, balanced on his forearm but still leaning almost on top of you, his forehead resting on the side of your face as he looks down. He groans softly, right next to your ear, as curls his fingers into the crotch of your panties and pulls it to the side.

“Fuck, you made a mess here, love…” is the first thing he points out - and yes, it’s true. The fabric of your panties is soaked where it pools at your crotch, and even though you don’t have the courage to look down and confirm it, you know you’re glistening in the moonlight with all the sticky mess leaking out of you. “So fucking beautiful.”

He slowly runs his finger along the outside of your folds, seemingly mesmerized by what he sees. You shiver, sighing impatiently at the light touches that seem to have the sole purpose of driving you wild. He pauses and looks up at your face, letting your cheeks heat under the weight of his hungry, analyzing gaze. With a wry smile, he moves his forearm to the inside of your knee, lifting and spreading your leg so that it rests above his hip. You’re spread wide now, shamefully wide—and this time he doesn’t hesitate as slides his hand down to your sticky center, rocking in your wetness and spreading it with his fingers.

“Still want me to make you come, hm?” His voice was husky and dark.

You mumble a drunken agreement against his mouth, and then his fingers slide against your clit. You gasp loudly, and his tongue immediately dives into your mouth.

You have serious trouble keeping up with the hungry pace of the kiss, moaning softly as Barty runs his thumb back and forth over the tip of your clit, gliding easily with all the wet mess there. He offers some mercy when he pulls his mouth away from yours so you can breathe heavily, one hand gripping the bed sheet in a tight fist, the other instinctively coming up to cup a breast.

“That’s it princess, squeeze that pretty tit while I make you come on my fingers.” He whispers hotly in your ear, getting to work in earnest, still holding your thigh open by his forearm as you writhe enthusiastically under his ministrations.

You moan as your hips lift off the bed to try get closer. It’s impossible to keep your eyes open as your body begins to tremble. He alternates between rubbing your clit with his thumb and running his fingers up and down your folds, circling your opening teasingly, and starting again.

“Fuck, you make the cutest little noises.” He tilts his hips to rub against your inner thigh, his erection hard and heat against your flesh, even through the barrier of his pajama pants. “Merlin, this has to be a dream.”

“Barty—”

“Shh, I know, love, I know, I have to focus—” He chuckles softly, breathlessly, letting his sweaty forehead fall against your shoulder, making you shiver as he continues to slide his fingers over the warm, swollen folds that sing beautifully under his attention. “But it’s hard to believe this is happening. That you’re here, letting me touch you like this…”

You’re not sure if you’re even forming coherent words at this point. His touches, his voice in your ear, saying things that make you want to run and sink into him at the same time, it’s all too much and you vaguely remember yourself gasping “yes” and “more”, or occasionally moaning his name in response.

Suddenly his fingers are stroking you with purpose and he’s somehow better than before. One long finger slides inside you and you’re sure this must feel like heaven. 

“Like this?” He whispers the question against your skin.

“Oh, yes!”

His lips nibbling and licking your earlobe leave you in a lustful smack as he focuses his attention on his finger, slowly moving in and out of you. A high-pitched cry rips from your throat as you feel a second finger being added. The coiled feeling inside you tightens and tightens.

"Feel's good baby?" he asks in a feverish groan, as if your pleasure reverberated through his body.

You feel the sway of his hips as he snuggles into the mattress and against your body, his back and ass flexing and relaxing in alternating motions, thrusting his clothed cock into your thigh. The sensation alone is almost enough to make you pass out.

How does he expect you to respond in this state? All you can do is buck your hips to his rhythm, masturbating yourself carnally with his fingers. And fuck, his fingers. So long that when he curls them, you go rigid.

“Ah, ah,” you moan breathlessly, sweat breaking out at your hairline, skin heat and flushed. His fingertips brush over and over that spongy spot inside you, and as he slowly pulls them out, brushing against it, you think you might cry.

He pulls away for a moment to speak, his fingers still pulsing inside you. “You have no fucking idea how much you’re driving me crazy, princess.” His voice sounds as broken as you feel. He attacks your clit and picks up the pace with not only his fingers, but also his wet, skilled thumb on that mound of nerves. He moves it back and forth against the nub as he slides a third finger inside you and push his fingers in and out rapidly. The stretch is maddening—almost more than you can handle, but not quite. “It’s like you were created with the deliberate intention of destroying every shred of common sense in me. Not that I have much to begin with,” he half-laughs, half-sighs against your cheek, breathing heavily on your damp skin—“and that’s why this is so dangerous, you know? You’re fucking dangerous, little lion.”

He curls his fingers again, hitting that spot inside you without mercy, and your back arches off the mattress. He’s going to make you come.

“Barty,” you moan. "So close, I'm so close, please-"

Still with his forearm extended under your head for support, he uses his hand to cup your jaw, forcing your face to the side so that you have a clear view of his gaze on yours. Blue eyes, now dark and bright, the pupil so wide that it takes up almost the entire space of the iris. His skin is also flushed, sweat making a few strands of brown hair stick close to his temple. Soft, parted lips, a little swollen and red from the kisses you exchanged. His naturally well-shaped eyebrows are furrowed in concentration - in feverish desire.

He is beautiful. So beautiful.

"Does my princess want to come?" The cute nickname rolls on his tongue the same way velvet rolls on your skin, and you let out a shamefully desperate moan. With breathing starts to become irregular and the tremors in your thighs increase in intensity, your little fingers kneading the soft flesh of your breast, teasing your nipple without taking your eyes off his for even a second.

"So good. That's it...that's my pretty, sweet girl."

"Please, please," you moan, fist on the sheet clenched so tightly you could rip it between your nails.

"Please what, love?"

"Make me..." a long moan coming from your mouth interrupts you - and you sob before continuing, "...make me come. Please. I need...I need to come."

Barty groans softly, his eyes leaving yours for just a moment to watch where his fingers slide in and out of your pussy, his thumb flicking your clit back and forth over and over. “Fuck, fuck, you’re going to kill me. Look at that, baby—”

You force your eyes to stay open as he lifts his head again, tilting his chin to indicate where you should be looking. And when you let your gaze slide down, your cheeks turn impossibly redder. You watch the muscles in your stomach tighten as you writhe, the center between your legs so wet that your inner thighs glisten visibly in the moonlight, making sinful noises with each movement of his fingers. Long fingers belonging to a broad hand, glistening with your own arousal. In and out. In and out. His wrist, slender but defined like his entire body, marked with high veins along its length and a thin leather bracelet around it, moves rhythmically as he fucks you and the sight of it is almost enough to send you straight underground.

You can’t take it anymore. Your pussy clenches around his fingers, legs trembling as a devastating rush of electrification pulses on every nerve in your skin.

“Come on, baby,” Barty groans, his fingers speeding up even more. “That’s it, come for me. Come for me, my good girl.”

Your head falls back against the pillows, locking your drunken, hooded gaze with his as he pushes his forehead against yours, both of your breaths puffing against each other’s lips. You’re going crazy, writhing and shaking, and then it all culminates in the slow fall, the stellar heat of it all between your thighs; suddenly, the pleasure reaches its peak, and your entire body shudders from the inside out as wave after wave of your orgasm washes over you.

A fucking powerful orgasm, gripping you tightly, and your legs immediately try to close, but Barty holds you open with his forearm hooked on the inside of your knee. You try really hard to stifle your screams as best you can, but most still escape - high-pitched, whimpering ones that sound like need personified. You moan and thrash beneath Barty, who continues to roll your clit in languid circles and push his long fingers as deep as he can, prolonging your release until you sink limp and boneless against the mattress.

You breathe like you’ve been running through the Highlands for hours on end, shaking on the pillows as you come down from the euphoric high. There’s barely any awareness of your surroundings as your ears ring and your tear-stained vision struggles to clear.

It’s with snail-like slowness that you notice Barty above you, the feeling of abandon between your legs as he pauses for a few moments, looking up at your face with dark eyes and ragged breathing. His lips are parted as if he’s going to say something, but he doesn’t, and you watch as his tongue runs over them almost nervously.

And then he lifts the three fingers that were inside you moments ago, staring at them as if he’s caught in a hypnotic trance before bringing them up to his mouth to clean them, moaning softly as he does so, his body shuddering for a moment. You catch a glimpse of his pink tongue as it licks the sticky strand between them, and despite the orgasm that hit you just a few minutes ago, you know you’re ready to go again.

“I-I…” Barty stutters as he slowly pulls his fingers from his mouth, looking very dazed as he looks down at you—blue eyes almost confused, as if not even he knows exactly what’s happening. “That was... I never thought I’d see something like that, much less feel it-”

You frown, confused by his abrupt stutter.

“Barty...?”

“I need you,” he confesses suddenly, his broad, defined chest rising and falling with ragged breaths, his fingers trembling as they sink into the soft mess of his hair, “I need, fuck... I swear I’m usually more patient than this, fuck. But right now I don’t- I can’t think-”

“I-I don’t want you to do this now,” you sigh as you understand, leaning forward to support yourself on forearms as he shifts on the bed until he’s kneeling between your legs again, restless, “please-”

“I want,” he groans, “fuck, y/n-”

“Barty,” you cut him off, pleasure shooting up your spine, holding his gaze so he understands - “I want it too. I want you. It’s okay.”

He lets out a long, relieved sigh, watching you the whole time as his still-shaking hands reach down to grip the elastic of his sleep pants. You sit up straighter, eyes fixed on the hand pushing the waistband down, your breath coming in short gasps of nervous anticipation. There’s a wet spot on the fabric and you feel yourself swallow and shiver at it.

His eyes are on you as you watch him push his pants down enough to release his straining cock.

You barely contain a weak squeak as he springs free of the pants. It’s not intentional, but when you see him—long and thick, red and glistening with the ridiculous amount of moisture leaking from the tip—it’s an impossible reaction to hold back.

Again, you didn’t have much to compare him to, but he was far more impressive than your only previous partner—a fact you instantly decided you’d never share with Barty, Merlin knows he’d just be insufferable about it.

And he would have reason to be because, heavens, all you can think about is that his dick looks just plain adorable.

But dicks aren't supposed to be adorable, are they? They could be a lot of things, but adorable wasn't one of them.

So you just stare, feeling that moan escape your throat because - because, fuck, honestly, you don't know why... it's a penis, that's all - it shouldn't be able to instigate any physical reaction in you just by looking at it. A penis is a penis, a means to an end. A part of the male body that, more often than not, can't even be described as pleasing to the eye. It's just a penis.

A really nice penis-

A penis that you immediately want to drag your tongue along to taste, feel the weight, clean off all that sticky wetness and -

Fuck, isn't just a penis.

When you look up at him again, face blazing with flames and bottom lip caught between your teeth, he's wearing that stupid, smug little grin - knowing full well what kind of unholy thought was going through your head at that very moment. As if he wasn't literally stuttering and shaking with the urge to fuck you just moments ago, like an silly virgin -

Of course he just needed a good dick appreciation to get back to his confident self.

Right.

You narrow your eyes dangerously at him. "Don't you dare say a word."

He pretends to zip his lips, very precariously containing a smirk.

Deciding to be merciful and not extend this any further because, well, he deserves to show some smugness; after all, the man gave you the best orgasm you've ever had using just his fingers. And you really feel the need to focus on more interesting things right now, anyway - like reaching out to touch him, for example.

The proud smile dies as your little fingers brush against his cock for the first time, muscles all over his body tensing in response, creamy skin glistening subtly with sweat. His eyelashes flutter prettily and he sucks in a breath as you reach around him to give him a slow stroke along his erection, far from being able to wrap it entirely, thumb twirling the soft, flushed, pulsing head to spread the wet mess along the rest of his length. Your cheeks heat, but you still smile shyly, blinking up at him from beneath your lashes. He’s firm and smooth beneath your grip, like tempered steel wrapped in the softest velvet—the most enchanting contradiction you’ve ever feel.

It’s incredible. Thick and dripping, a silky, wet trickle running from the reddened tip to the drenched base. Definitely an insanely dirty scene, a wet dream come true. Panting, you have your hand completely wet in an instant, completely falling in love with the way his cock pulses between your fingers in response to each messy, wet sound, the veins straining against your palm as another thick pulse of liquid releases and slides over your fingers.

“You- you’re so hard-”

“Mmf--” Barty’s hips buck, his handsome face scrunching up in something that can only be described as pain as his hands ball into tight fists at his sides. “Don’t say things like that now-”

"No, seriously." You sigh innocently, trying to give him a harder stroke, blinking owlishly as Barty moans loudly and hoarsely at it. "Does...does it hurt? Does it feel good, a-am I doing this right?"

You can't help but feel a little insecure, especially knowing how experienced he is - how many handjobs has he receive, in total? Fuck, you don't want to think.

"Stop talking, please..." he groans through his teeth, throwing his head back, his adam's apple bobbing in the slender column of his throat. "I'm gonna fucking cum if you don't stop talking right now, little lion."

You shiver. The thought that he could do something like that with just the sound of your voice and light touches makes your stomach churn, heat coursing through your veins like a whisper of the flames' kiss. But you don't want it that way - not this time. You want to feel him more, you need to feel him inside you, and you’re not even ashamed to admit it at this point. You really want him inside you. And don’t want to wait any longer for it.

Your eyes are bright and your face is warm as you gasp, looking up to look at him, “Barty…can you…can you fuck me now, please?”

His head tilts toward you so fast you swear you hear something snap somewhere. He stares at you with his mouth open and his eyes glazed over, his body shuddering with each wet pull on his cock. His face contorts, gasps escaping his mouth as he continues to stare, and, Godric, it might be the hottest thing you’ve ever seen in your life.

Your pussy clench as your eyes roam over his body, sculpted and slender, as if every inch of it has been meticulously arranged by the skilled hands of an artist. His broad, toned chest rises and falls with each quick thrust of your fist, his breathing shallow. He’s biting back every moan, clinging to that last thread of control that you just want to snap.

You’re frighteningly hot again, ready for more, “I need more, Barty, please…”

“Damn it, what did I tell you about that pretty mouth, baby?” He groans through his teeth as throws himself on top of you, pushing you until your head is back on the pillow. “You don’t fucking listen to anything I say, do you?”

Desperation spreads across his face. Your mouth is met with a passionate kiss, sharp and rude. His tongue dominates yours, and you melt blissfully under his control. You’re breathless when he finally pulls away.

His grip tightens as he tears his lips from yours, “tell me, baby.”

“I, I,” you stutter, your legs spreading so he can fit between them.

“Come on,” are the words that come out of his stupid mouth, spread across a stupid grin in that stupid voice of his, framed as a demand when really he’s just begging, “tell me what you need, baby, I’m right here…”

A strained sound leaves your mouth as his hand slides down your side, lips sliding over your breast until a tongue lathers saliva over one hard nipple. Arousal drips down your thighs and stains the sheets, a reminder of how much you want him. The corner of Barty’s mouth lifts, his eyes glinting with something akin to mischief as he looks at you, your nipple still being tortured by his tongue…

“Please,” you push yourself against him, “I need you now,” 

“Fuck,” his hands are warm on your body, searching, “is that it, baby?”

“Inside me,” Your shaking hands fumble as you try to grab him, one on his shoulder and the other in the soft strands of his hair. “Please...” 

The words die in your throat as you shiver under his touch as he rubs himself between your folds.

The tip of his cock brushes against your clit, pre-cum dripping down your skin and mixing with your arousal. You can feel him move slowly – so painfully slow – against your core until his tip presses against you lightly.

“B-Barty, don’t be mean. Don’t tease me,” you manage, your mewls sounding almost whiny. “Please. I need this so bad, please– ah.”

This was fucking torture. He wasn’t inside you—just sliding wetly between your legs. One hand forcing your head closer to his mouth, gripping the back of your hair, tugging. Your scalp tingles with adorable pinpricks of pain, lips parted against each other.

Your voice just above a whisper that should sound so angry—but it just comes out breathless and shaky: “W-what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” you manage to ask, using the last of your sanity to scold him.

He’s put you on the edge of reason, your boundaries broken.

“Sliding into, baby,” he says, thrusting his hips into yours, his gaze mischievous on yours, a husky moan playing across his lips as you dig your nails into his scalp.

"Not yet," you huff, body shaking as he hits your clit once more with the soft tip of his cock. "I'm starting to think you never will. I-I thought you wanted this, Crouch."

"I bet you complain even in your sleep, little lion," he says with a certain affection, taking your leg under your knee and bending it against your chest to expose your wet, throbbing, open hole. He groans at the sight of you like this; your cheeks, chest, and the tips of your ears painted with a deep blush - drunken, half-lidded gaze, a sullen pout on your lips.

"You drive me crazy, you know that?" Barty groans as he squeezes the base of his cock, avoiding something embarrassing like cumming before he even enters you. "You act so innocent, a good girl running away from me all this damn time...and now you're like this, all brat and crying because I'm taking so long to fuck you." 

The blood roars through your ears. His dirty mouth only turns you on more, even though you feel embarrassed for finding it so inappropriately sexy. He kisses you again, sliding his tongue into your mouth with a husky sound, tasting every inch of you.

The kiss ends, and you stare at each other as he mutters a charm with his hand flat on your stomach, which glows subtly and briefly before returning to normal - making your eyes widen and cheeks burst into flames of embarrassment. Contraceptive charm. Of course he would know one of those.

You don’t have time to think about it too much, though, because soon he’s finally sliding his cock against your soft folds with the right aim. Slowly, he pushes forward, and your mouth opens as your walls stretches around the head of his member. Every inch that’s pressed into you increases the mix of burning excitement coursing through you. You hear a groan escape his lips at the same time you feel his hips press against the curve of your ass, but you’re not sure if the high-pitched mewl that spills into the lust-filled air is yours or Barty’s.

He’s a bit of an animal now, whispering breathlessly in your ear that it’s going to be okay, and to just breathe, and try to relax, and you’re desperate and shaking and a little helpless, considering it’s not like this is your first time. But it seems. And then Barty’s biting your neck and pressing in harder, harder, slick and hard, pushing his cock as deep as you can handle—and you just take it, and take it, and let yourself be filled.

“Barty,” you gasp, gripping his bicep with all your strength when he’s finally all the way in. His cock throbs against your walls, and you feel your poor pussy straining to accommodate him. He kisses you sloppily before you can say anything else, both of you moaning into each other’s mouths. 

“Tell me I can move, please-” he begs after kissing you breathlessly. You’ve never heard anyone sound so broken before, and nod before you can even process the question. Barty pulls his hips back until only the head of his cock is inside you, and then pushes forward until he’s fully seated again. 

Slowly, fucking you slowly, he starts to establish a rhythm, you feeling so full as his hips roll forward against yours, pressing deeper and only eliciting stimulation against your pussy. He pulls back, once again leaving nothing but the tip of his cock trapped inside you—before thrusting back in, harder.

A desperate moan escapes you, your body arching into his, the pleasure building so fast it’s almost unbearable.

“Barty—ah—”

He groans. “That’s it, baby. Let me hear you.”

His pace quickens, each thrust sending waves of pleasure through your body. Your body clenches around him, pulling him in deeper, tighter.

“Fuck, you’re taking me so well, holy shit,” he hisses through his teeth. You can’t help but hum a tentative agreement, each breath wrenching from your chest with the force of his hips slamming into yours.

He grips your hips with one hand and thrusts deeper, faster, until the wet slap of skin against skin begins to sound embarrassingly loud in the room. When you look down and see the length of his cock emerging from between your legs, glistening with your wetness, you can’t help but moan and blush even more, the head hitting the pillow hard. Barty takes a deep breath, chuckling softly in your ear.

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” his voice is strained. “Do you hear that? Yeah, every time I thrust like this... Oh, just listen to yourself, little lion, listen to the beautiful sounds you make for me -”

You clench instinctively at his words. It makes his hips buck and pulls a broken moan from his throat.

“A-ahh…” Your head is rolling from side to side on the pillow as you writhe, tilting your hips even higher, trying to align yourself so that he rubs against your clit with each thrust.

“More, more…” you cry out, almost not realizing you’re begging.

But he hears you.

He pulls back and adjusts himself so that the next thrust comes at an angle, aimed at your entrance. And when his tip brushes the rim— “Yes, please, Barty, please, please, I want this so bad—”

“Merlin, so tight for me, love,” he murmurs, his voice low and husky, strain evident in his words, “it’s going so fucking good.”

For me.

“Oh, you’re so good for me, princess; I promise I’ll make it good for you too,” he continues, panting as he pushes his forehead against yours. “Fuck, I need…” he breathes, “I need you so bad, I need you…” he sighs, chuckling breathlessly, blue gaze burning into yours. “It feels so good. You. Close to me. Right now.” He swallows hard. “Please don’t pull away. Please, Y/N.”

Your heart leaps into your throat, your eyes bright with tears—of pleasure, of horny, of sadness, of hope. “I won’t. I promise, Barty, I— oh.”

And he keeps going, moving hard and fast, whispering your name as he pulls back before nuzzling in. You’ve never heard him say your name like that before—all tremble and sweaty and breathy and needy. Like a reverent song. You do your best to respond, calling his name out loud as you move with him, one hand tangled deep in his messy hair while the other traces the familiar features of his sweaty face in the moments when your lips don’t touch. Your breasts are pressed against his chest, sweaty bodies swaying against each other endlessly, your legs trembling where they wrap around his waist, hips lifting to meet his as he rocks against you until you’re both sliding together toward the edge. Falling into each other’s arms from a cliff you’ve been dancing on for too long.

It’s all so intimate, so immensely intimate.

…And you fall once more. With a pathetic moan, you arch and twist your upper body, seeking his mouth while cums. He dips his tongue in, swirling it around yours, nipping at your lip, sucking air into your lungs along with a torrent of words:

“In all my shitty life nothing has ever been important enough for me to seek, to keep—but you—” and it’s more than you can process; you’re still shaking uncontrollably, clenching around him, tears streaming down the sides of your face, you think you might pass out. “You I want to keep, little lion. I need to keep. Care for. It’s only you that matters, only you and—oh, shit, I’m going to…! Fuck—”

He bends over, covering you with his entire body, nipping at your shoulder. Deliriously, you beg. "Barty, please, please - come for me, please-"

“Ugh, fuck, fuck, fuck,” is all you hear as he buries his nose in your neck. You have just enough time to register his lips on your skin, kissing you repeatedly, before your world shrinks to the space between your legs.

He pushes in as hard as can; his tip nudges the deepest spot inside you, pushing you closer and closer to overstimulation. But you hold on, for him, for this almost painful pleasure that’s the only thing keeping you trapped as he expands inside you.

Barty grunts in his throat and pushes forward, as if there’s more of him to fit inside you. He holds you tight, pressing you against him as his broad body trembles above yours, his hips thrusting one last time before he groans in a long, raspy sound before comes.

One of his arms wraps around your waist, holding you steady, while the other reaches between your bodies to play with your clit. You startle at the unexpected touch, the extra stimulation making you see stars; you think you’re going to scream, but you can’t hear yourself over the ecstasy coursing through your body.

The overstimulation turns, to your complete and utter surprise and shock, into a new orgasm.

You convulse around him, his fingers pushing you to the edge you didn’t even know was there. Your belly, tight with his cum inside, contracts rhythmically as you spasm and he thrusts gently, sighing shakily in your throat.

You shiver and finally find relief in his increasingly slow thrusts, in the way he lifts himself up on his forearm, his breathing ragged and cheeks bright red, sweat trickling down his hairline and temple.

Slowly, he stops, panting heavily, and when he’s almost stopped shaking, he slowly withdraws. The feeling of being empty is strange, but you don’t have the energy to think about it when you can barely form a sentence. You gasp, wiping away the tears that roll down your face and you can’t stop the small tremors that run through your body even after the euphoria has passed.

“Are you okay there, little lion?” he whispers next, leaning down to give you a soft kiss on the lips. You nod, but stay silent and have to hold yourself back a little to be able to respond fully. He seems to understand this and rolls onto his side so he can hug you affectionately.

“That was...merlin,” you murmur, and bury your head in his damp chest, the scent of oak and sweat. “I can’t feel my body from the waist down…” The thought of standing up seems impossible, your brain is in a strange and pleasant fog and you can barely concentrate.

“Is that a good thing?” His laugh is light and husky, lips resting on your forehead.

“It just to much,” you reply, fingers trailing down his bicep, sighing gratefully when he uses a simple charm to cleanse your bodies of all the wet mess. “It’s hard to think now, but…” you hum and adjust your buzzing limbs to get a little more comfortable. “It was…really good, yeah.”

He hums happily and you snuggle into his chest, one leg thrown lazily over his waist, reveling in the warmth he exudes, skin against skin, warming you like a nice campfire on this cozy cold night.

“You’re staying here tonight, right?” His breath glides over your hair, nose brushing your forehead. You swallow a sleepy sound, the warmth of his closeness spreading like molasses through your bones. His question is asked softly and almost hesitantly, but also hopefully, and you bite your lip before blinking up at him.

"I-I want to, but I don't know if its a good ideia. What if they see me before I can get back to Gryffindor Tower tomorrow?"

"No one here is going to say anything, princess. And it's not like you're the first person to wake up in a bed in a dorm that isn't yours." He rolls his eyes with a smirk, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear before freezing, thinking. "Wait a minute, you're Head Girl. That means you have your own dorm separate from the other students, doesn't it?"

You're quick to pick up on where his thoughts are going.

"We're not going to fuck in my personal dorm, Barty."

"Oh baby, we're going to fuck in every corner of this castle if I can have a say in it..." he teases playfully, grabbing you by the waist to bury his nose in your neck.

"Don't be so rude, idiot." You scold him with red cheeks as pull yourself away, adjusting your body better on that bed that is too small for two people, pulling the sheet to cover yourself. Barty smiles even more at this, realizing that you are, in fact, snuggling up to spend the night with him.

You glance at him out of the corner of your eye, trying your best to contain your own smile.

Hair disheveled as always, but with a radiant air of exultant satisfaction. Bright eyes, warm cheeks. He was so gorgeous it made you sick.

A gorgeous man who wouldn't shut up for a moment. He breaks the silence after a few minutes.

"Does that mean when they see us together in the Great Hall or in the hallways tomorrow, I can tell them that you're my girlfriend?"

You yawn loudly, nonchalantly adjusting the blanket over your body, as if his question hadn't made your heart stutter and heat up in your chest.

"And who said I want them to see us together?"

His jaw drops comically, blue eyes round and pouting like a kicked Puffskein pup's.

"You didn't—but I thought...what?"

You can't help but laugh, covering your face with the sheet to hide yourself.

Barty lets out an exasperated sigh.

"Wait, is this a joke? Damn princess, this is so much fun for you, isn't it?" He pulls the sheet off your face, stretching his fingers to tickle along your belly, laughing along with you when you start to squirm and giggle.

By the time he's finished torturing you, your face is red and streaked with tears from laughing so hard, struggling to catch your breath.

"Barty?"

You call out to him when you finally calm down, running your fingers over his thin chest, feeling the muscles relax before all the laughing, his heart starting to beat at a steady pace. Comforting.

He tilts his face towards you, a soft, lazy smile on his lips. "Hmm?"

"You can tell them I'm your girlfriend."

He smiles, wide and happy, pulling your face up to place a quick, smacking kiss on your lips, followed by countless pecks on your cheeks and forehead.

He’s practically vibrating when asks the next question:

“Does that also mean you’ll be wearing a blue scarf to the next Ravenclaw match, right?”

“No!”

“...”

You snort when he pouts dramatically.

“Maybe.”

He blinks those same round eyes again.

You roll yours.

“Yes.”

Another long, blissful moment of silence that you know he’s going to break.

“...even if it’s against Gryffindor?”

“Limits, Crouch. Limits!!”

[veal-exe]

I want to talk a little more in-depth about something I mentioned in another post:

The phrase “how to make yourself uninteresting to narcissists” is textbook ableism. And I don’t mean that in a vague or metaphorical way, I mean that this is a direct example of medicalized, systemic, psychiatric ableism being repeated uncritically. If what you mean is “shitty people,” then just say “shitty people.”

Now, let me be really clear:

Gray rocking is real. It’s a legitimate and often very effective tactic for protecting yourself in the context of ongoing abuse. I’ve used it. I’ve encouraged others to use it. It can be a survival strategy in situations where confrontation or boundaries aren’t safe. I’m not criticizing gray rocking itself, I’m criticizing the way people talk about it, especially when that language comes from or reinforces ableist frameworks.

The psychiatric system, like the rest of the medical-industrial complex, is built on deeply ableist foundations. That’s not a metaphor or a hot take. It’s historical, institutional fact. Psychiatry has long been used to pathologize non-normative behavior, to categorize human beings into boxes that are easier to control, medicate, and discard. That context matters, especially when you start parroting clinical language in casual, moralizing ways.

If you’re quoting something your psych professor said; your psych professor is ableist. If you’re citing your therapist or your doctor, they, too, exist within and benefit from an ableist structure. They may be kind people. They may mean well. They may even be trying to do better. But that does not make them immune to the systemic harm of the institution they work within.

They are still part of a field that is actively hostile to many kinds of neurodivergence and regularly fails the people it claims to help especially those with personality disorders.

We say “all cops are bastards” with the understanding that even a “good” cop is upholding a violent and oppressive system. It’s the same logic here: when I say all doctors are ableist or all psych teachers are ableist, I am not condemning individual people so much as naming the system that produced them, trained them, and continues to shape their language and choices.

And unlike police, I’m not arguing these roles shouldn’t exist. I believe psychology and medicine can do good. But they must be approached critically. We cannot keep repeating their rhetoric like it’s objective truth when so much of it was built on the backs of the most marginalized and misunderstood. That goes double when you’re talking about people with personality disorders who are not only demonized in mainstream culture, but are often treated as inherently manipulative or dangerous within the very field that diagnoses them.

If you are going to use psychiatric language in public discourse, especially around abuse, boundaries, and protection, you need to be careful. You need to be critical. You need to ask yourself: Is this helping, or am I just passing along the same ableist frameworks that harm the very people I think I’m advocating for?

Because if you can’t do that work, if you’re just parroting the system without stopping to examine it, then yes, you are upholding medical ableism.

And yes, that does make you an active danger to people targeted by those systems.

Especially the ones society has been taught to fear the most.

[space-station-nursery]

◜ 🎧𓂃 Helping regressors with: Social Anxiety ‧ ⛈️◞

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Regression comes in many different forms, for many different reasons, including anxiety for some. As a CG, it is important to be able to help your regressors during this time, SO, here are some tips on how to help a little with Social Anxiety

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⧼ 1 ⧽ Make sure to plan ahead!

Letting your regressor know where you’re going, what day, and what time can give them enough time to mentally get ready for the day. Some littles need more time and some less so make sure to discuss it with them!

⧼ 2 ⧽ Remove them from the stimulant!

Sometimes, taking a break from big social locations can help your regressor calm down quickly and assess their needs before moving forward. Safe spaces for this can include a family bathroom (ones that are one room only) a far off booth in a food court, sometimes even in small corridors, hallways, and even outside

⧼ 3 ⧽ Learn grounding techniques!

Going out can be stressful and can cause big emotions like anxiety or panic at stacks. Learn east/simple grounding techniques like the countdown method, blowing bubbles, or even non-harmful stimming !

⧼ 4 ⧽ Show them affection!

This may vary per regressor, but actively reminding them that they’re loved, holding/squeezing their hand, giving them frequent hugs or praise can help a regressor remember that they can get though this scary time ! DO NOT RE-WRITE OR POST AS OWN

⧼ 5 ⧽ Comfort items!

Having a regression bag is incredibly helpful to give your little a way to carry comfort items [check this post for bag ideas]. If they’re not big on affection during times of high stress, offer a comfort item (like a paci or toy) or even offering a short distraction like snacks might be helpful !

⧼ 6 ⧽ Communicate!

Sometimes a “Don’t worry” or a “You’re okay” isn’t enough to sooth an anxious little. Instead, acknowledge and validate their feelings and offer ways to help! Try out phrases such as “I know you’re feeling [blank] but I’m not gonna let anything happen to you” or “I can tell you’re getting [blank emotion/feeling], would you like to try this?[this being anything you believe can help your regressor]” !

⧼ 7 ⧽ Avoidance!

Whist taking a break from an extreme stressor is good, always remember to premise going back into the space with kind words and affirmations! Avoiding triggers/stressors reinforces that the issue is something to fear, and not to conquer. It is not always possible or even healthy to avoid triggers 24/7

⧼ 8 ⧽ Notes!

Everyone is different in how they show stress and what their needs will be, make sure to communicate with your young one to find solutions that will help them and recognize when they might become anxious in a space. This won’t always be easy, but it is necessary Always use kind words with your regressor. Your patience will always be appreciated by your little especially when they know their thoughts are getting the best of them.

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18+ blogs // DD!LG, AB!DL and variants [even "SFW"] // 27 and older // DNI

Fact OTD: There is a statue of Jason Voorhees [killer in Friday the 13th] at te bottom of a lake in Minnesota!

[fiercynn]

oh my fucking god can people stop coopting the term "harm reduction". i know language can change but i refuse to let this term change into the literal opposite meaning just so people can justify their decision to vote for a genocidaire.

harm reduction is literally, meaningfully, about reducing existing risk of harm. a person who uses drugs is at risk of disease or illness because they only have access to dirty needles? provide them with a needle exchange program to make it safer for them. a teen who is sexually active is at risk of becoming pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted infection? provide them with sex ed and protective devices like condoms or dental dams to allow them to have safe sex.

and yes, there is a part of harm reduction that is aimed at not moralizing about the behavior that you're trying to reduce harm from. but if you're a progressive - as most of the people lecturing us about "harm reduction" purport to be - you should already understand that these behaviors are not ethically bad in and of themselves. it is not inherently unethical to use drugs or be sexually active as a teen, so the fact that harm reduction efforts could "encourage" that behavior is also not unethical! if you think that it is, then you're actually a conservative!

and, importantly, the people who benefit from harm reduction were only at risk of harming themselves in the first place. so helping someone make those activities safer for themselves is not only reducing the risk of harm to that person, but, in doing so, it is not increasing the risk of harm to anyone else either.

voting is giving your active support to a candidate, and thus to that candidate's platform. so please tell me how giving your vote to a president who is actively driving a genocide, perpetuating a pandemic, funding cop cities and a border wall, and driving up deportations - none of which he has pledged to stop if reelected - is reducing existing risk of harm? because harm reduction also isn't "choosing an option that you believe is better than the hypothetical even worse alternative". and voting for biden is, in fact, increasing the existing risk of the harm that he is currently enacting on other people, and encouraging his despicable behavior!

if coopting the term "harm reduction" is the only thing making you feel okay about your decision to vote for biden despite all the people who are dead, disabled, deported, or destitute because of him, then honestly, that seems like a you problem. STOP COOPTING THE TERM.

(and if you feel the urge to respond with something along the lines of "but biden's just doing his best! i'm just telling people to vote for him because i'm scared of trump!" then please at least read this post as well before you say anything to me about it)

[void-hoodie]

(A timestuck au)

Maybe he shouldn't have left the kid with his brother who lives in a hunted cabin

Some of the story

I read a few timestuck AUs, and what caught my attention the most was when ever the twins separated and Dipper ends up with Ford, he's subjected to a lot of stress and emotional distress due Ford's unstable behavior and constant distrust, especially when it's specifically the time where he calls Stan to hid the journal. along with physical harm when Bill possess Ford's body, even attempt to kill him.

so in this one it was inspired by this fic (not fanart but got the idea from it) i decided to take it up a notch!

the twins who was about go spend their summer with their grunkle ends up both with young Stan instead. Stan after they showed him the proof of them being from the future after showing him a picture of his big brother shermie in his senior years, decids to take them to his estranged twin brother to try and figure out how to help them. (it was a bit before the portal was activated for the first time, but still had a fight with Fiddleford)

the next day,Stan, after realizing Ford had no actual food in his home other than coffee, decides to go shop for a few thing.

it was also 5am in the morning everyone was awake except Dipper who was too mentally and physically exhausted to wake up to anything.

Mabel decided to go with Stan to make sure he buys what they need, but she was hesitant about leaving Dipper, but she knows that this is gonna be the only time he sleeps deeply until their situation is solved, and with some reassurance from grunkle Ford about telling him when he wakes up, she goes.

Ford deciding to figure out what to do to send the twins back to their time, goes to the basement to do some research, accidentally falls asleep.

BILL who was watching the whole time immediately took control of the sleeping man's body, excited about someone new to play with he looks around , graps a scalpel puts it in the possessed man's pocket and leaves the basement straight to the attic where the boy is sleeping.

seeing the sleeping form of the kid, starfished, using Stan's dirty jacket as a blanket snoring softly.

BILL chose to mess a bit with the kid before trying anything else, he got closer and held the tween's nose cutting his breathing, gradually Dipper started to squrim from not breathing right, trying to breath from his mouth, BILL used his other hand and cut that too.

eventually, Dipper jolted from his sleep trying to breathe the missing air before he noticed his other great uncle looking down on him, smiling amusingly, like he was enjoying the fact Dipper almost choked, his smile also held sadistic enjoyment.

Alarms blaring in his head, he moved away,from the man, and he heard him say in a disoriented voice "why the rush to leave? We're having fun!" He said joyfully.

Fight or flight kicking in, Dipper picked the nearest box and threw it at his great uncle(?) And immediately jumped to his feet and ran out the attic, thinking of rushing outside the cabine the man is instantly chased after him, like he wasn't fazed by the attack, so Dipper hid instead.

Waiting for the man to go somewhere else, his heart beating like a rabbit's, he strains his ears to hear if he's still around.

Believing the coast to be clear, he leaves his hiding spot and books it for the door.

Only to feel a hand on his arm tighted and harshly pulling him backward in a painful tug, immediately following a sharp burning pain in his right shoulder, tearing out an ear splitting scream from him.

Trying to focus his eyes, he saw a scalpel imbued in his shoulder. He couldn't even register his blood before it was ribbed out and pierced into his left thigh, making his vision momentarily disappear from the pain.

He heard a maden laughter from above where he was laying on his back in pain and his right arm still held in a bruising grip.

The last thing he his mind made out before shutting down was the blooded surgery knife coming down on him again.

The first thing Ford mind caught on was all the fresh blood around him, that's the only thing his mind locked on the moment the his eyes caught sight if the blood staind hat with the little star on it.......

He knew who's the owner of the hat, even if he only met him yesterday, but where is he?

That is the only thing that circled his mind. Not the growing pain in his head, not the blood-soaked scalpel, not even moving a muscle from where he's kneeling.

He only moved his head when the door opened and two different gasps, followed by a shriek and sound of some things dropping . Meeting the horrified faces of his twin brother and the sister of the gone boy.

(Might make a comic for the rest of this idk)

[fulcrums501st]

So uhh what happened to shimmer in season 2?

Not exploring how shimmer production has affected the undercity in s2 is such a missed opportunity tbh.

Obviously there are addicts, but simply dismantling shimmer and destroying all the factories won’t solve addiction. That’ll cause a mass withdrawal and cause ppl to fight over whatever shimmer is remaining.

While it is messed up that Silco made Zaun so dependent on something so volatile as shimmer, that doesn’t change the fact that many are reliant on it. It has become a crux people need. What about the people who work in the shimmer factories? Do they resent shimmer? Are they grateful that it gives them a job? What are the thoughts of the people who may use shimmer but who haven’t become addicts (like Sevika). It’s something they use normally, but maybe not necessarily cuz they’re addicted. Shimmer is clearly parallels to hextech, it takes the place of the technology that Zaun does not have because of systemic inequality.

Are there normal citizens who use shimmer only for emergencies? Do they keep a stash with them in case they are attacked or mugged in the dangerous underground? Do some people start using shimmer cuz it’s the only thing keeping them alive? Are some just power hungry?

Or what about the addict Caitlyn talks to in s1 who says he “just liked the feeling of being powerful for once”. That would be so cool to explore how oppressed people who live in horrific conditions outside of their control might be more likely to become addicts because it gives them a sense of power they’ve lacked their whole lives cuz of inequality. Silco invents shimmer cuz he sees it and other messed up methods as Zaun’s only way to “rise to the surface”. It’s obviously twisted logic, but s1 goes to show that Silco isn’t entirely wrong, his methods are the closest Piltover has come to making Zaun independent.

“Ready to rise to the surface?”

When Cait starts attacking shimmer factories, Zaunites wouldn’t feel freed, they’d be resentful that Topside is taking away one of their only sources of strength (despite how exploitative that source of strength may be). From their perspective, dismantling shimmer could feel like another form of oppression, even tho Caitlyn’s intentions are good. Plus, destroying shimmer factories would no matter what lead to a spurge of panicked addicts and crime bosses trying to get their hands on as much remaining shimmer as possible. Shimmer shortages would create chaos that definitely wouldn’t have helped the undercity.

Yes, shimmer is a messed up drug that does a lot of harm (but even then it is used recreationally and for medicine), but there were so many interesting ways to explore how Zaun has become so dependent on it in so many ways. You can’t deny that is has become linked to many activities that people rely on. There’s so much nuance to explore there. But this season like doesn’t mention shimmer until after Caitlyn says she’s gonna “dismantle shimmer” (actually maybe the chembarons mention it in ep 2) and then we don’t even see that happen, it’s in a police brutality montage that also glosses over how police brutality affects normal non-crimeboss citizens of the undercity.

Alas, if only s2 has been interested in continuing s1 like idk a second season is supposed to.