#And we'd prefer to teach you that then things that happened

[oifaaa]

in united states public school we learn about the american revolution and the first three presidents (minus the fact that they had slaves and abused their families bc how dare we portray them as anything but heroes on a pedastal) every year from when we're 8 to when we're 14, we have one year for generalized world history and if you're lucky one year to learn about a very white-centric view of pre-1700's north america and prehistory

Doesn't that get a bit boring? Now I'm thinking about it tho I think I'd say 95% of my history classes would have been modern history basically anything from the industrial revolution onwards like the world wars, the Russian revolution followed by the cold war including modules on the Vietnam war and Korean war, and then obviously American civil rights movement, the Irish famine, Irish war of independence, irish civil war and finally a lot about the troubles - in fact I think the only two times I can remember learning about anything older is in primary we learnt about ancient Egypt and in first year of secondary we learnt about the native Americans

[mimisempai]

Keep Reaching

Summary

Aziraphale is tired of stopping halfway. He's tired of half-smiles and broken gestures. He's tired of Crowley always being the one to make the move. Tonight he's decided to reach out and grab.

Notes

Aziraphale continues his journey to freedom...

On Ao3

Rating G -  1546 words

Returning from Maggie's, Aziraphale was surprised to find only Muriel in the bookshop and inquired, "What happened to Crowley?"

The other angel replied, "Well, he was taken against his will--"

"What?!"

"Well, it seems that Mr. Brown, Mutt, his spouse, Mr. Arnold and some of the other shopkeepers remembered how Crowley saved them on the night of the attack and took him out for a drink at the pub to thank him."

Aziraphale sighed with relief and thought that perhaps in the future he should teach Muriel to nuance their words to make them less ambiguous.

He asked them, "May I ask you to close the shop tonight?"

Muriel nodded enthusiastically, as they always did when given a responsibility.

Aziraphale thanked them and added, "Anyway, I'm just across the street at the Dirty Donkey if there's any trouble."

He walked to the pub and entered, not surprised to find it packed, especially at this time of day. He looked around for Crowley, and just as he caught sight of the unmistakable red hair, Mr. Brown spotted him and waved his arms to summon him to their side.

Aziraphale made his way through the crowd to a table where several of the shopkeepers were seated and waved to them. Then he glanced at Crowley, who was holding a glass of scotch and looked at him, saying softly, "Come on, angel, we've saved a seat for you.

Aziraphale had expected Crowley to be taciturn under the circumstances, but was surprised to find him in such a good mood. He sat down in the chair that had been vacated for him. Crowley moved closer and said in his ear, taking advantage of the ambient noise, "The liquor here is of good quality, it helps to put up with a few inconveniences."

Aziraphale chuckled softly, better understanding the demon's good mood. 

Crowley put his arm on the back of the angel's chair, making him realize how close they were, and then the demon continued, pushing a glass toward him with his other hand, "I took the liberty of ordering you a sherry." 

Aziraphale placed his hand on Crowley's and said softly, "Thank you, my dear, that's very thoughtful of you."

Realizing where they were, he almost immediately removed his hand from Crowley's and placed it on his knee.

He was embarrassed and kept his eyes down, inwardly admonishing himself for letting fear and guilt control his behavior once again.

When will he be able to let go?

When will he be able to take what he wants without second-guessing himself every time?

He thought of all the aborted smiles, all the barely made gestures, all the times he'd preferred to hold back rather than let go.

"It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh?"

Aziraphale turned his head toward Crawley and the demon chuckled as he continued, "If I did the good thing and you did the bad one."

Then he laughed, and Aziraphale couldn't help but laugh along with him.

Oh yes, it would be so funny if it were the like t-.

Then his laughter suddenly stopped and he lost his smile before he said, "No. It wouldn't be funny at all."

The demon lost his smile as well, and the rain came down, preventing them from continuing their conversation.

That didn't stop Aziraphale from listening to his heart and putting his wing over the demon's head to protect him.

**********

Aziraphale eyed the demon warily for a few seconds before extending his hand. The demon shook it, then said, "We'd be godfathers, sort of, overseeing his upbringing."

Then, leaning forward, he added, " We do it right, he won't be evil. Or good. He'll just be normal."

Aziraphale said in a tone of wonder as he watched, "It might work.

Then he added, "Godfathers. Well, I'll be damned." and laughed lightly.

The demon winked at him and said, "It's not that bad when you get used to it," and Aziraphale continued to laugh with him.

But once again, he lost his smile when he realized what he'd just said.

********

"I just found something that mattered more to me than choosing sides." 

Having said that, Beelzebub grabbed Gabriel's hand and they both stayed there, indifferent to the rest of the room.

Aziraphale didn't hear the reactions of the other people in the bookshop, as his only reflex was to reach for the demon. He put his hand on Crowley's arm in a spontaneous gesture.   

Witnessing Gabriel and Belzeebub's love in front of him, he was only aware of the emotions he felt at that moment and of the person who inspired them.

He didn't realize the threat to Nina and Maggie, and it wasn't until he lost his connection to Crowley that he came back to reality, his hand making one last gesture to hold the demon back as he forced his mind back to the present.

He was brought out of his thoughts by Crowley's hand, which had slipped over his under the table, intertwining its fingers with his own.

He looked up at the demon, who just nodded and smiled softly, as if to say everything was okay.

But Aziraphale felt a kind of unease. 

He couldn't put his finger on it, but the feeling stayed with him all evening, even as he talked and laughed with the others, his fingers and Crowley's still intertwined under the table.

He still felt that unease as he and the demon left the pub and crossed the street to the bookshop.

It wasn't until he and Crowley walked through the door that he realized where it all came from.

It was when he saw the exact spot where Crowley had first kissed him. Instinctively, he raised his hand to his lips.

"You idiot. We could have been...us."

Aziraphale turned away, refusing to see Crowley go, not noticing that the demon had returned, and it wasn't until he grabbed his coat and his lips were pressed to his that he realized what was happening.

He didn't know what to do. 

He didn't know who he was.

He didn't know where he was.

He only knew one thing: he didn't want to lose Crowley.

He didn't want to lose his connection to Crowley.

Once again, his body did what his mind was unwilling to do and he put his hands on Crowley's back.

Holding him against his body.

But it was too late.

Crowley was already pulling away.

Aziraphale's mind was back in control. Or the illusion of it.

And it was all over.

"Angel?"

Aziraphale turned to Crowley, who was looking at him worriedly.

Crowley who had first revealed his feelings.

Crowley who had kissed him, who had reached out.

Crowley who had held his hand moments before.

Always, always Crowley reaching out.

When Aziraphale was the one who stopped on the way.

He couldn't let them go on like this.

He had no reason to hold back anymore.

Driven by a compelling urge within him, he walked toward the demon and, placing his hands on his shoulders, grabbed the lapels of Crowley's jacket and pulled him toward him, pressing his lips to his own.

The demon froze for a split second before responding to the kiss and resting his hands on the angel's hips.

In that moment, Aziraphale stopped thinking, forgot everything that wasn't Crowley, everything that wasn't his hands on him, his lips against his, his breath mingling with his.

He grabbed and held nothing back.

His hands slid from the demon's shoulders to his hair, burying his fingers in it, pressing the demon's head against his own to deepen the kiss. Crowley obliged, and the kiss lingered until they were both out of breath.

A short time later, when they parted, Aziraphale had to hold onto the demon's shoulders for support, his legs giving out as he felt intoxicated, exhilarated by a sense of freedom he'd never felt before.

As he supported him, Crowley said softly, "Easy, angel..." then added, putting his arm around Aziraphale's shoulders, "Come on, let's sit down," pulling him toward the sofa.

They sat down and Crowley, turning to him, asked quietly, "What's gotten into you, angel? Not that it was unpleasant, far from it, but..."

Aziraphale shook his head and grabbed the demon's hand, saying urgently, "Because it's not fair. Because I can't have you holding out your hand all the time. I don't want to have to stop when I laugh or smile, I don't want to have to take my hand away from yours, I don't want to stop in the middle of whatever it is I feel like doing."

Crowley nodded and said quietly, "As long as you know it's not a competition and I'm not keeping score. As always, at your own pace. I know you want to change. I can see you changing. We both have so much to learn, so don't put any pressure on yourself. Okay, angel?"

He raised the angel's hand to his lips and planted a tender kiss there as Aziraphale slowly nodded.

Then the Angel, a new gleam in his eye, asked Crowley, "May I kiss you now?"

Crowley, with the same gleam in his eye, replied softly, opening his arms, "Take what's yours, angel."

And Aziraphale reached out and took.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable Growing Love series : here (After season 2)

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here (Before season 2)

[roleplay-evil]

Resident Evil Resistance Starters - Survivor Edition

"You're as good as dead if you keep working for them."

"I'll be honest, I've never been in a situation like this before and... I'm not sure what to do."

"Oh my gosh, I would do anything to thank you for that! Anything."

"You got this next time, okay? Happens to the best of us."

"I see what you were going for! Didn't quite nail it, though..."

"Is, uh... Is this... legal?"

"Holy shit, I got a guardian angel."

"Whoa, that was too close... You really saved me there."

"Don't think we're friends now. But thanks."

"That was close. I almost became a [name] sandwich."

"Agh! I left my spare battering ram in my other pants..."

"Gotta admit, didn't think we'd make it. That was actually good work."

"Fuck this place. Let's go!"

"I'm so sorry, I can't stand it in here anymore!"

"Hey, you're here too? Didn't notice that. Well done on not being dead."

"Not only did we escape, but we did it with style!"

"Ignore that piece of shit. We can do this!"

"We're gonna have to look out for each other, okay?"

"I doubt there's going to be any rescue."

"Don't expect the calvary to come. We're on our own here."

"No worries. I got you, bro."

"Well, we have each other, and that's a lot!"

"Off the cuff here. Why don't you just, um, why don't you just... let me go?"

"I'm not going to be anyone's payday."

"Someone looks cranky today..."

"A bit of privacy would be good."

"Get your eyes off me."

"Your mother teach you to do that, you bastard?"

"Do you have some kinda death wish?"

"Bor-ing! Who do I have to kill to get outta here?"

"Uh...! I need the things that go in the—the bullet things! I need the bullet things!"

"Lemme kill things! It'll be terribly satisfying..."

"My trigger finger is tingling."

"Coward! Where you at?!"

"Stay down. And don't get up."

"Well, at least you're not dead."

"You're just a wannabe tough guy, [name]. I'm not afraid of you."

"Even three of you can't take one of me down."

"You can't escape justice forever, [name]."

"Pft, yeah. I'd like to see you try to take me out."

"Did I do okay, coach...?"

"This sounds like it's going to hurt. Not my favorite thing, hurting."

"Not sure I'm gonna make it..."

"Ugh, yikes... I think I might actually be... nearly poisoned to death..."

"I would really prefer to not be... quite so poisoned."

"I feel beyond crappy..."

"I'm a little under the weather."

"Agh... I just wanna... lie down and never get up again..."

"Don't think I can fight off the infection much longer..."

"Agh... If ass is a general feeling, that's what I've got."

"Who'd hire someone to kill us? I mean, I know I made that math teacher really pissy once..."

[suzy-queued]

Tag Game Wednesday

Thank you for the tags, @deedala @creepkinginc @energievie

1. if you could switch bodies with anybody for only one hour who would it be and what would you do? Ooh, can I go to the space station? I want to switch places with an astronaut. Preferably a man so I can try out a male body (for fic writing research).

2. whats your most trivial / dumbest hot take? That candy corns are the worrrrrsssstttt

3. if you had to teach a college course what would it be in? HTML and PHP coding. Website development in general.

4. season 12 of shameless is suddenly happen and you've been put in charge! what plot point(s) are you gonna make happen? I know people want Carl to run the bar, but I'd love to see Ian and Mickey run the Alibi. I want them to be the new anchor couple of the neighborhood and be the center of everyone's shenanigans.

5. who would be your godly parent? (can be any mythology). Loki. We'd have so much fun together.

6. what’s something you love about yourself? My adaptability to new situations.

7. describe your day in 5 emojis: 📧🐈🚘👨‍👩‍👧👩‍🍳

8. what shameless character do you think you could beat in a fight? Sammi. I'd trick her into making a mistake.

9. tell us 2 truths and a lie, we’ll try to guess the lie! - I was in a bus safety video filmed in the 80s. - I was on the TV show Dawson's Creek. - I was in the movie Evan Almighty.

10. do you have a pet(s). if so how did they get their name? Buttercup, who was named after Princess Buttercup from The Princess Bride. Shadow, who was named using a long whole-family voting process. Calypso, who was named for the god Calypso. Pogo, named after the character in The Umbrella Academy.

11. show us a meme (or picture) that captures your essence.

12. whats your typical coffee / tea / beverage order? Hot chai with oat milk

13. use a song to describe the last 5 years of your life? Things are Getting Better by N.E.R.D.

I'll tag ... @tsuga-of-mars @look-i-love-u @depressedstressedlemonzest @gembu-tortuesouscafeine @tanktopgallavich @francesrose3 @sweetbee78

[gwenllian-in-the-abbey]

As a teacher, what has been your fave shakespere play to teach your students? What interesting themes do the kids these days pick up on or connect with? Has there been any interesting insights your students have brought that have surprised you?

Thanks for the question! So I haven't taught English since before the pandemic, because I finally found a school that doesn't reserve the history classes for the coaches (this kept happening to me when I moved back to the States, I'm dual certified, so I'd get hired for history and they'd move me to English when they hired a coach. This happened like 3 times), which is great for me, I vastly prefer teaching history. But did teach a lot of English previously and I'd say the answer really depends on the group of kids, their reading level, how much they'd been exposed to previously.

There's a reason high schools usually start off with Romeo and Juliet in the 9th grade. The story is not difficult to follow, most teenagers are familiar with the concept of forbidden romance, and the themes are age appropriate. I've taught King Lear, which is one of my personal favorites, to a group of very advanced and very keen 12th graders (so 17-18 years old), and I think even they were too young and lacking the life experience to really get it (it's kind of unfortunate that by the time King Lear hits hardest, which imo is once your own parents start aging, most of us are not reading Shakespeare anymore. Very few people read it outside of a school setting, nerds on tumblr notwithstanding). So it can be objectively more rewarding to teach a relatively basic play like Romeo and Juliet, than to teach a more advanced play like King Lear, even though I like King Lear better, simply because it's more suited to the age group.

But probably my favorite play to teach is Hamlet, which I've taught in both 11th and 12th grade. Hamlet is a broody young man, he's home from university and his life sucks, his asshole uncle has married his mom, he's pretty sure his dad was murdered, his girlfriend literally kills herself, there's a ghost, and no one is listening to him. It strikes a good balance in that it has some great soliloquys, including the famous "to be or not to be," that you can really dig into, but which don't get too far into the weeds and don't require a whole history lesson to understand. There are allusions, but they're mostly mythology based (like Niobe, all tears, Hyperion to a satyr) which makes them easy for the kids to look up. Importantly, it asks age appropriate existential questions about life and death (what's the point in living when you're miserable, is suffering noble, what if death is not better), stuff that teenagers grapple with. Macbeth is also good to teach because it's quite exciting with all of the murder, betrayal, and of course the witches.

It's been four years since I last taught English so it's hard for me to remember any specific insights from the kids at the moment but I will say that in general, one of my favorite lessons to teach each year in the Shakespeare unit was on the use of language. The kids fucking loved learning iambic pentameter. One of my favorite things to do was write a couple of lines on the board (I usually used two lines from Julius Caesar which were the same lines my own English teacher used to teach us when I was in school Poor man! I know he would not be a wolf/But that he sees the Romans are but sheep) and get them to beat out the meter on their desks. They thought it was so cool that iambic meter has the same rhythm as the human heart, and that it is more or less the natural rhythm of our speech. When we'd read the plays, I'd catch them tapping out the meter to themselves to test it out.

In general, I enjoyed teaching Shakespeare, but it was also a struggle. It's very hard to get kids who, for the most part, do not read for pleasure to read a whole play in early modern English. Mostly their reading consists of short passages as part of standardized testing, and they're very resistant to the very idea of Shakespeare, which they write off as old and boring. As a teacher I had to work very hard to make the text engaging enough to push past that wall and while there are always kids who are just not going to get there, every year I taught Shakespeare I was always pleasantly surprised by how many kids would get fully invested. I guess it's just fun when the kids are actually into the story. The themes are great and all, but Shakespeare wrote these plays to be entertaining and it makes me really happy when the kids are entertained by them.

[morseskull]

Give me headcannons about your oc now 🔫

IM SO HAPPY YOU ASKED, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN!

Okay seriously tho

Morse is my main Oc so we'll go with him

Morse having headcannons in my eyes we'd have to go based around his lore which is a mess but basically.

My headcannons are:

If teached they would probably prefer to play the violin, flute and ukulele

He uses He/They/it pronouns btw

He can't really draw but if they could they could use both hands.

If they had a favorite song it'd probably be something around "Eat your young by Hozier"

They probably loves pink and everything between that colors/shades

He probably can't understand the difference between man and men to woman and women

He definitely has multiple plushies and apologizes to every one of them.

He's at least a lil bit self conscious of his marks so if you called them pretty, you're definitely getting compliments back

Depending on how tall you are Morse is 6'6 he's definitely one to pick up whoever he seems fun to get a reaction from

Now for Om! Headcannons about morse

He does the "why" thing with Lucifer like "so you need to get this done" "why?" "So you can have a good grade-" "why?" "So you don't fail-" "but why though?"

JUST to see how long it'll go

They try to see how long it'll take till Mammon see's that Morse has his glasses/jacker/shoes/etc., just to get a laugh and get chased around

They ask Levi about videogames to understand what it is but half the time the only time he's around Levi is to ask what's wrong with his technology the mans 6971 yrs old give him a break

The only thing you can find Morse doing with Satan is biting. That's all Morse will do with Satan.

Where do I start, you can find Morse up Asmo's ass- mediocrity or not, like Asmo's get himself a personal dog if asked literally, Morse only see's in pink and pretty pinks attracts him so the most likely if you need Morse find Asmo.

He 100% picks Beel up to see what he'll do and half the time ends with Beel getting carried away from whatever conversation he was having

Naps, Morse and Belphie won't do anything but that, mainly because Morse likes naps and mainly because he likes cuddling.

Well that's all I got 😭 if you want more just ask I suppose, OH! and if you have anything for Morse #MMM stands for More Morse Motivation :D

[luminousalicorn]

What exactly are the tell-tale signs of a 3 year old being transgender?

This question is interesting because it's not exactly friendly but nor is it exactly hostile. Is this from an angry internet hater who knows how to mask it long enough to get engagement? Is this from a innocently curious naïf who just wants to learn and has chosen a mildly awkward conversational posture for reasons unrelated to their fundamental attitude? Does this anon have a perhaps slightly trans-looking three year old of their own, who they want to know how to support? Do they have a perhaps slightly trans-looking three year old of their own, who they have dismissed and contradicted without this having, as yet, blown up in their face, such that they want to share this wisdom with me by a circuitous route?

Well, I don't know, but I will for the moment assume good faith.

Aged two:

Adult: "Do you know what a gender is?"

Kiddo: "Yeah."

Adult: "Can you point to a gender?"

Kiddo: "There's a gender downstairs."

Adult: "There's a gender downstairs? ...Can you go get it and bring it up here?"

Kiddo: "Yeah." fetches a bottle of ginger juice from downstairs

--

Kiddo picks one icon over the other when playing on educational website Starfall. Pretty consistently.

--

About a year later, aged three.

January. A stranger says "good boy" to the kiddo. The kiddo is thoughtful about this but later remarks to a caretaker, "We are both girls. I am a girl and you are a girl."

We aggregate our information. This claim has been coming up... kind of a lot, actually.

Kiddo spontaneously mentions, at bedtime that night, "people thought I was a boy and that makes me sad".

Some people with particularly low pronoun inertia ask kiddo about what words to use, and switch pronouns.

--

February. We talk to our psychiatrist friend. We hear from our friend's mother who used to teach preschool. It looks like kids normally start identifying strongly with their gender at this age... and it's not, actually, common, for them to pick a surprise gender.

One of our friends doesn't like that we're entertaining this as much as we are. It's an old hobbyhorse of his. He thinks we should just tell the kiddo that, good news, boys and girls can do all the same things!, and in ten years, there's treatments available for any persistent sadness!, but for now, kiddo is one way and not another.

It's a long-term hobbyhorse this friend has. Probably because he has gender dysphoria himself and enough political commitments and mental illness on top of that to make him feel like he isn't allowed to be a girl and nobody like him should be either.

My kiddo isn't going to grow up to be like that friend.

--

March. I tell my kiddo what name I would have chosen, if we'd known, when I gave birth, what gender of kiddo we'd have.

The name is adopted instantly and enthusiastically, so fast that I can't even get my preferred bid for middle name in there before the old name has been shunted to middle name status. Stragglers - like me - pick up the pronoun shift.

Nothing irreversible has happened. What has been done can be undone. It might happen. Kiddo knows what kind of gametes she has and what's in those little boxer briefs. Kiddo has all the information necessary to decide, today or next year or before seeing any doctors about it, what to do. Today, kiddo is trans.

[theothersarshi]

I don't want to derail @theshitpostcalligrapher's post, so I'll make my own. Anyway, they were really nice to @theworseshitpostcalligrapher on this post, where the latter rewrote the same three words in a similar style in a reblog. (So it's really nice all around - there's acknowledgement of what's going on, there's approval, there's building up.)

And I wanted to share a story.

Back when I was in primary & middle school (grades 1-8 over here in Romania), I was a very, very earnest kid, a bit naive, but when I loved people or things, I really loved them. Keep that in mind for what happens next.

We had 1 hour of Art class/week all throughout middle school, but our middle school Art teacher Did. Not. Teach. I can't emphasize how much teaching didn't happen. We had to have watercolors/tempera and a paint brush, and he'd tell us things like, "Paint something Olympics-themed" or "Draw something for the local theater festival". Then we'd get grades based on how nice our paintings/drawings were. That was it. That was all.

...I found out things like the human body having proportions only when I was already a student, while talking to my future bff. I found out tempera isn't "watercolors, but in a tube" even later. But never mind that.

My middle school best friend had talent, though. She was naturally Good At Art and she came up with this amazing style (well, amazing to us 12 yos) where she made up big drawings out of tiny pencil doodles - asterisks and spirals were among her favorites, I think. It was not quite like typewriter art, because her doodles didn't overlap, but typewriter art + Pointilism + doodles is the best way I can describe it. The rest of us hadn't even thought about using a pencil.

I was in love. And I could sort of understand how she did it, so I started... copying that. I wanted to try it out for myself, do the thing. I changed the basic doodle shapes, but I kept the general idea. (I would have preferred something realistic and colorful, but I had no idea how to do any of that; see: teaching, not happening)

My colleagues called me a copycat (understandable). My mother called me a copycat (*sigh*). Even my teacher called me a copycat (I'm wondering vaguely if that's why he never taught anything, so we'd never end up copying a style we saw, *le gasp*). One must never, ever do what someone else is doing! ORIGINALITY!!!ONE! Figure it out yourself, in your own way!

Adult!Me thinks our teacher could have used this as a Teachable Moment to talk about why her drawings worked and to point us in the direction of similar artists or whatever. Or maybe he could have realized I wanted to learn something and pointed me in the direction of, I don't know, a book about how to draw, maybe. If he didn't want to teach his class himself. But I digress.

I was left feeling bad and like a complete loser. My best friend at the time mocked me, too, because of course she did. As far as I know, when we got to high school she never drew again (we were no longer friends by then, due to unrelated reasons).

It feels particularly wonderful to me to come across people actively encouraging and helping each other to learn, even if they're walking paths others have walked before. I never learned how to draw, but I did learn how to write stories, and there's a lot of fumbling around and imitating others to see what works and why before you become good. It takes so much practice. It's hard.

And sometimes maybe you just want to do The Thing for yourself, and that's also fine. Who the heck cares if you decide to have your own Van Gogh-style painting of your own bedroom on the wall of your bedroom?

Anyway, it makes me so happy when I see creatives being creative and sharing things with others. It's probably very flattering to be the only one at the lonely top, but when you have a community and you can learn from others, everyone wins more.

[groundedintruth]

What I'd do for one last drive

The longest hugs my dad and I share are always the ones where one of us has one hand holding onto luggage. The ones that arrived two hours too early and waited at the airport's parking lot just for that moment.

As a child, I couldn't picture my dad without his car. And sitting in the passenger seat, I followed him everywhere. Tagging along for a quick trip to the store I had no business in or a longer drive to the fish market, ready to grab my free juice box from all of his store friends, offering giggles and very few words in return. Sitting in the backseat of the car, too young for the front, I gradually shed my speech impediment, one "ra rajjul" at a time.

My tongue tie didn't stop me from suggesting different destinations. Sometimes we'd take a detour and end up at the arcade or a stationery shop where I'd refuse to leave for hours. And that wasn't the only reason for my dad to go out of his way. He is the most thoughtful person I know. He remembers everything and everyone.

And whether it was climbing a bouncy castle or racing a motor car too big for my size, my dad was always there telling me to get back on no matter how many times I fell.

More than anything, my dad loved to teach, albeit sometimes preferring his way of doing things. And I was always just as stubborn. I never really studied for exams as a child. The real learning happened in conversations with my dad, his endless questions about my day at school guiding me to internalize the entire curriculum through our talks.

My dad loved music. He loved driving to Al Kabli and sometimes silence. And you could never guess what he'd prefer or what was on his mind. When his health was deteriorating, my dad never complained. Instead, he kept asking about our health. As reserved as he is emotional and filled with bursting love.

One of my early childhood memories is running back in excitement and fear as my dad launched a homemade firework. I've picked up his love for adventure, for music and for documentation.

In many ways, I am my father's daughter. We express love in the same way– through thoughtful gestures, penned words, and when words fall short, through music. My dad has scattered pieces of paper and a secret emerald notebook full of things he'd never reveal.

His life was marked by early loss and constant moving. At only six years old, he lost his mother. He spent his childhood between his aunt's house and his dad's, his late teenage years at Wadi Sayyidna, and later left Sudan to pursue dentistry in Yugoslavia (Khartoum universities didn’t offer any dentistry courses back then.)

After returning, he spent some years working in different cities in Sudan. Then in the early 70s, he moved to UAE right when it became a country. And as a proud Sudanese immigrant, he refused to ever become a national of the country he spent half of his life in, a sentiment that I - until recently - struggled to understand.

And so I spent my years between UAE and Sudan, but I don't remember ever visiting with my dad before he eventually retired. In fact, I don't remember my dad ever taking any holidays. Yet again, spending a portion of his life alone.

Years ago, when I learned more about his life and asked "So, you were always living away from family," I didn't realize then that I was becoming like my father – someone who loves food but only enjoys cooking when there are other people to eat.

More than anything, my dad wanted to spend his last years in Sudan and now he is buried in the land he refused and I need a visa to visit his grave. And being away from home, my mind is filled with countless unasked questions, echoing in the silence he left behind.

A few days before he left us, my mum asked why we don't write each other long posts or letters expressing our love. And I agreed that as a family we just don't do public displays, that we like to keep to ourselves, maybe out of fear that it'll leave us if it leaves us.

And I found myself thinking maybe I will when one of us leaves. But the truth is I can't. Just like my dad, I write things out and don't say them. Just like my dad, I am full of emotions that I like to keep to myself.

But something about airports, about leaving and arriving, brings it out anyway.

It doesn't matter where I'm heading; at every airport visit, I rush, ignoring the vibration of my phone, and it's only at the boarding gate that I finally relax, hearing my dad's voice on the other end, telling him I've managed not to miss my flight once again.

For the first time in my life, I'm sitting at the gate quietly, not on the phone, not reading and not listening, just sitting on autopilot and unsure of how I made it here.

So who will edit photos of airplanes with our names and رافقتك السلامة to share in the family group chat? And who will tell the mornings what to bring with each new dawn?

[thecandlelightsociety]

Welcome to our blog!

We are the Candlelight System, a system shaped by but not entirely made through intentional tulpamancy skills. We have been an established system for over a year now and have an interest in teaching others about tulpamancy, sharing projects of ours both related and unrelated to tulpamancy and plurality, and having a place to discuss some of the fun happenings in our life.

Some fun facts about ourselves in no real order:

Bodily adult

Current system size is 17 members including the original. This may expand in the future but we believe not by much.

Origin of the system isn't particularly important to us but we believe ourselves to be endogenic for the time being and as previously stated tulpamantic/parogenic for the most part. Due to an unusual entrance to plurality with our first non original member though and the fact that there is traumatic stuff in our past we leave room open for change to a CDD status pending further investigation. Most of us would still choose to identify as tulpas either way though.

No disorderly system mechanics to our understanding. We have complete control of switching and perfect communication between members. We also do not gain new members without actively choosing to accept a potential member (what the tulpamancy community refers to as walk-ins) or creating them via tulpamancy practices. We do have memory problems and past trauma, but do not view it as related to our system or most of it's mechanics. Are open to changing this if future data suggests differently.

Bodily male but most of the system identifies as female. Do not care about pronouns and will be fine with whatever ones are used unless specified otherwise. While not fans of neopronouns ourselves we respect others who are and will attempt to use preferred pronouns, please forgive us if we are not perfect in this regard.

Some of our hobbies include psychology, philosophy, hypnosis, reading, writing, mythology, spirituality, paranormal topics, astronomy, nature, gardening, stage magic, weapons, martial arts, drawing, cooking, and more.

Now that we have discussed a little about ourselves let's get some things straight about this blog and how to interact with it. None of these requests are ironclad and there is plenty of exceptions for each, but that will be decided on a case by case basis.

We do not have a DNI list as we find them limiting and a great way to make echochambers, that being said we reserve the right to block, ignore, and remove anyone who actively gets on our nerves or we find to be unwanted here.

We are not a syscourse blog. We may occasionally reblog or comment on a syscourse topic with appropriate tags for people to ignore if desired, but we are not syscourse focused nor do we want to be. Do not bring syscourse to our blog directly unless it somehow relates directly to us and or we give the ok first in asks.

No fakeclaiming or attempting to bend us to whatever you think we should be. Do not come here without previous context or permission and try to convince us we must be traumagenic, that is for us to investigate the possibility of and it would be done with a trained professional, not tumblr of all things. This rule goes for endos aswell if we ever identify as traumagenic in the future.

We are currently studying to become a psychologist, but we are still very much learning and fallible, do your own research on any topic we discuss and come to your own conclusions using evidence and logic, not more tumblr blogs.

We'd like to stay out of mundane politics on this blog, unless we give permission first, which we have the right to revoke, don't bring it here.

Do not call us willogenic/willomates, ever. We'll accept thoughtform but do not prefer it.

We have other medias we post on much more often which you could contact us on. As a warning these other platforms may be NSFW at times. We'll label things accordingly but interact with caution.

Reddit: u/Candlelight_System

Discord: Candlelight #0107

Syscourse sideblog: @discourse-by-candlelight

Our personal website:

This should cover all the basics of our blog. We'll provide a quick color list for our active blogging members, some members use the same color so be sure to pay attention to the identifier at the beginning of all our posts.

Blue: Astra or Aqua

Purple: Dawn

Red: Sera or Scarlet

Orange: Cinderella

Green: Michael (host)

Black: Shade or undefined

This list is subject to change, as previously stated pay attention to identifiers at the beginning of any post.

This should cover everything you will need to know about us, please enjoy our blog and we hope to have a great time in this community!

[a-master-procrastinator]

18 for the Pride Asks? And 7, 8 for the OC of your choice?

Thank you @raven-of-domain-kwaad / @the-raven-of-highever!

18. Do you prefer to give your ocs specific labels, or keep it unspecified? Why? If applicable, do you change their labels depending on circumstance?

If I don't know their identity, then I'm keeping them unspecified, and then as I figure it out I give them labels. And yes, sometimes their labels change bc they turn out to be different from what I originally thought. It just recently happened with Xaele and Jett.

7. Is there something that could cause your oc to question their identity? What?

I couldn't choose a single character for this question, so I'll answer in general.

I imagine some of my a-spec characters starting to question their identity because of some conversation they had with an allo friend about being attracted and finding it difficult to relate. For example, back when they were teens, Jett was confused when Raen was saying something like "oh this girl is so hot" or "I cannot think straight because of that guy". Or Lorri saying that she doesn't understand why people crave sexual or romantic relationships so much when there are a lot of other wonderful things to do, when Vort was talking about his struggle to find a long-term partner.

As for the rest of my characters, it's either having feelings for a person that were unfamiliar to them before that, or just having experiences that challenge the way they viewed themselves.

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

I want to talk about Kerstes because she came to my mind the first when trying to answer this question.

First, I want to share my headcanon on expectations and views on marriage in the Sith Empire, specifically for pureblood Sith (it's very similar to this post).

Marriage mostly serves two purposes - transaction and reproduction, and while these are a bit more loose for average citizens and military, for pureblood Sith these are very important (because they are not exactly common during the time of SWTOR era, from what I understand). So heterosexual marriage is heavily encouraged and expected from the majority of Sith (with some exceptions).

Because of these expectations Kerstes struggled with her identity. At first, she had trouble with even accepting the fact that she likes women (you know, the "oh yeah, hetero marriage is good for the population because otherwise we'd all want to marry women, right?" moment). Took her quite some time to come to terms with it, and even then she wasn't eager to share this discovery with her parents. Kerstes tried to avoid it whenever the topic of marriage came up, and when it became impossible to ignore, she came out, and, as expected, it didn't go well. Fortunately for Kerstes, soon after this she was sent to Korriban for Sith training, so that conflict became the least of her worries for the duration of Sith Warrior story.

Interesting that after the class story Kerstes had a heart-to-heart conversation with her mother about a lot of things, her identity included. Interesting because prior to her trials she favored her father (because he pretty much gave her everything she wanted, and by that spoiled her) and ignored and despised her mother most of the time. I mentioned that Kerstes starts as a spoiled brat who loves ordering people around, and as the events of Sith Warrior story go, she grows to be less bossy or rude, and more respectful to those below her status (in short. there's a lot more to her character development). And as she goes through this development, she realizes that the most of what she learns are things that her mother tried to teach her. So Kerstes starts seeing her parents in a different light, and that's why she has this heart-to-heart with mother.

In the end, her mother is more accepting of the fact that Kerstes is a lesbian and doesn't have to marry someone against her will (but she still asks for biological grandchildren lol). More importantly, Kertses is more comfortable with her identity and will have a romantic relationship.

[mycreativewritingjourney]

Day 6

I should have tried for a morning post yesterday, my husband was on the computer when I came home last night. That is what I get for marrying a gamer. Today's post will be inspired by him though. I love our love story and our life together. He is a big supporter of me and all I do. I know, without a doubt, that he is my soul mate, my other half, and that we were meant to be together.

Something Like Love

My love story now is one that makes my heart beat fast. I still have school girl excitement talking about our engagement. Before I got here though, Love had something to teach me.

I've heard it said that Love pulls you out of darkness. In some ways I believe it does. But Something like Love is what left me in darkness.

There are different kinds of Love we experience through life. Love of family, Love of friends, Love of something more than friends. Then there's Something like Love that pulls us along our path.

Many have a young Love, the first one they think will last. The feeling of something deeper than butterflies. For a lucky few they are right, but most of us aren't that lucky.

It is that Something like Love filling our thoughts. Cultivating the care we have for a person. But it will leave us, quickly, crumbling all we built up.

Let me explain.

I felt Something like Love for a man. It lasted two years before starting to deteriorate. By God's Grace, literally, I knew he wasn't my one and only.

I was the one to break things off and walk away. That doesn't make it any easier. I had made him a part of who I was and now it was gone.

There was some time before I found who I was for myself. It is crucial though, to know this first then try for a relationship. This knowledge kept me from wasting my time.

I knew what I needed to be happy. Knew what I needed to do to make myself happy. That really weeds out the dating pool.

When you know these things about yourself It makes you look at a relationship differently. Not as a necessity but as a bonus.

Like you know the path ahead of you, But now there is someone who can walk it with you. While they are on their own path.

That is what it was like. Weary at first it was Something like Love, I kept options open and dated a few people.

He stood out the most. The conversations were different even if topics were the same. Extra adventures were easy to come by.

Talking about the future, a future, together Didn't require sacrifices from either of us. Our plans for ourselves just seemed to fit together.

Here comes one of my favorite parts.

The time from meeting - dating - engaged - married seemed fast. It also seemed like it was supposed to be that way. That it would have been that way no matter when we would have met

Our engagement story gives me butterflies, even now. It happened seven years ago On the Oregon coast.

We'd been dating about three months at this point. Planning a summer vacation together. Spending time with both families.

The first few days of our trip would be with my family. The following week with His And he had a plan I knew nothing about.

We had the marriage conversation. Neither of us were in a hurry to get married, Or really had it in our plans to do so any time soon.

Our life paths seemed to line up pretty well. So why not walk them together. No rush though, He had a cousin He wanted to have at home first.

This gave us a year to just be A year where we could make sure this thing we had Was more than Something like Love.

So that's what was in my mind for this vacation.

The few days with my family seemed normal enough to me. But for Him, He had asked my dad to give his blessing. My dad, at first, said no; explained he would prefer we wait.

Then my mother got involved and had a conversation with dad, All of which He heard, and I never caught wind of. In the morning my dad woke Him up and gave his blessing.

It was off to Oregon to see His family. Excitement was how I felt, but because this was our first trip together Not because I knew of anything else He had planned.

We decided to do a hike along the Oregon coast Started out in the morning, with a little overcast weather And set out on the Cascade Head Trail.

It was a beautiful hike His mother, aunt, brother, and cousin had joined us With very nice camera equipment.

I thought nothing of it because I was taking photos too. Flora and fauna were breathtaking. Then we got to an overlook point.

We stopped to take in the view of the coastline. The weather had cleared and you could see for miles. The beaches and trees, flowers and wildlife.

I had been standing off to the side, next to the cliff overlook He approached and dug a gatorade out of his backpack He smiled at me and I smiled at him

Then, I will never forget how this happened, He put his drink back, "I've been lying to you about something." My gut thought was, 'Cool we are going to do this next to a cliff'

In one swift motion though everything changed. He pulled out a little blue box, dropped his backpack, and knelt "I'm not going to wait for [cousin] to come home."

"Will you marry me?"

I was in shock, and I mean in shock Yes, I said yes, obviously We had to wait for my breathing to normalize before hiking back.

He put the ring on my finger saying, "This ring is special," pointing to the two diamonds among sapphires, "It is a promise not just to take you to the temple, But to take you to Neverland."

I swooned. This was absolutely more than Something like Love

Even now he makes my heart flutter, Makes me feel confident and capable. He is my friend, my confidant, my partner.

I love the Love we have It takes effort but feels effortless. Through good moods and bad moods there is still Love.

I know I could live without him, but I never want to. Almost unbearable would be life if I had to be alone now. Now that I love life with him in it.

[plutowrites]

just had a thought mm indulge me plz. costco shopping with dad!levi. i really feel like he would prefer buying stuff in bulk over going to the regular grocery store multiple times a week. your kids are sitting in the little buggy and he's driving them around. we're all on the consensus that his kids are well-behaved, right?

stop it this is so sweet to me omg 😭 growing up goin to costco was so much fun and it was a whole event bc i have a huge family and we'd all go tg and then eat lunch at the little food court place afterwards. i looked forward to costco days every time bc of the free samples and the books section!! they had so many discounted books! yeah costco is v special to me LMAO

I agree with Levi wanting to do big grocery trips over spreading multiple smaller trips over the course of a couple weeks, it's just more convenient this way. does he like the over crowdedness and oftentimes messy environment that is costco wholesale centre? no, not at all but the kids really seem to enjoy it, they think it's so cool that there's literally everything you could want all in one place. They love looking at the mega sized giant stuffed bears (i'll include a pic under the cut idk if this is just a north america thing) and levi is forced to endure the short jokes that arise.

"dada look it's bigger than you!" said in a very innocent, harmless manner but Levi is SICK to his stomach. during pillowtalk hours he's gonna bring it up to you like is THIS what you're teaching OUR kids, fck you fr.

i do agree his kids are v well behaved but i dont think it's because they're necessarily scared of their dad, i think they just take after his calm demeanour a lot. if levi senses they're getting restless though, he'll be like 'okay quick go run to the dairy section and get 2 bags of milk' and he just stays put and watches them.

also the kids THINK they can sneak in junk food in the cart without him noticing but he sees their chubby little hands drop the occasional treat in the cart every single time it happens. it's costco, everything is jumbo sized so it's cute they think no one can hear the big PLONK! noise of the 24 pack of chocolate chip cookies hitting the bottom of the buggy. he wont say anything until he's placing the groceries on the conveyor belt and he just clicks his tongue and mutters something like "hide this from your mom." with a small smile on his lips.

he's also the dad that like picks up articles of clothing and tells his kid to come over so he can size it up against their body. like he'll see a pajama shirt and think to himself yeah they need something like this and he'll pick up a few different sizes and hold it up to see how it looks. PLUS he thinks its funny to pick up sizes that are either way too small or way too big and go "this is perfect for you brat." and his kid will just roll their eyes because he does this EVERY time. his version of a lame dad joke.

edit: omg i forgot to add the BEARS

[sweeethinny]

Out of curiosity

This was a serious conversation, which took 15 minutes, between three male friends

I had to change a few things because it wouldn't make sense in English, but I just HAD to write it down.

*I changed the age that Remus and Tonks are together because I wanted to.

Is rated M, and have anal sex subject, so read at your own risk

AO3

-----------------------

"Would you do anal?" It was Remus who started the subject, sitting on the lounge chair next to James, legs stretched out and a beer in hand, the sun high in the sky.

James frowned, looking at his friend with a mixture of shock and humor on his face. ''What?''

"You guys," Remus turns to Sirius, whose eyes are closed, pretending not to hear – but has a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. ‘'Would do anal?'’

"What the hell is this, Moony?" James chuckled, turning back to their house's pool, where the girls were laughing and swimming, trying furiously to teach little Harry how to swim.

Fortunately, because of the music playing, they can't hear them.

‘’Hey, it's a question. Yes or no, simple... We have a prostate, and there are many nerve endings...'

‘’I need more information, who is eating me? Hestia or one of you?” Sirius straightened in his chair, now looking at the two of them with raised eyebrows and the sunglasses on his head.

"No, it's none of us, that would be too weird and we'd never be friends again." Remus grimaced, James laughed. "I couldn't look at James' face again without remembering him eating me on all fours."

"I'm glad I was chosen, Moony, but I wouldn't be able to eat either of you either… But, am I doing this for free?" James asked, taking a sip of his beer and looking at his friends. "Because it doesn't seem like an exciting proposition to do this without getting anything in return."

"You're rich, why do you want more money?" Remus said.

‘’Dude, it's my ass, I'm not doing this for free. It's very intimate.'' James shrugged.

"Anal sex is overrated," Sirius said, and James and Remus snorted together in complaints. ''Really. It's dry, tight and hot. Nothing interesting there, I prefer to continue with what I'm already familiar with,’’

"But that's not the point," Remus rolled his eyes. ‘’Would you do anal? Like… Would you want your wife to wear a strap-on and fuck you on all fours?”

James thought, trying to imagine the scene. ‘’No, it would be too humiliating. It's a plastic dick, so it's bigger than mine, and it will last longer than me. It's torture, after all.” He grimaced.

‘’Yes, and it can't be a dick smaller than mine, have you ever seen the size they sell these things? It's to make any guy a little worried about his own equipment,’’

"So would you prefer a guy?" Remus chuckled. ‘’I don't know, I think I would be safer with Tonks doing it than just any bloke,’’

‘’But how do you reach this conclusion? Like, you're bored, you've done it all, then decide you're going to lose your virginity?” James questioned, much more interested in this conversation. ‘’And how do you look at her the next day? Knowing that the night before she was eating you with a plastic dick,’’

"Better than having a guy I don't even know who he is," Remus shrugged.

''I don't know, I think if I said that to Lily, I'd feel like a guy who knows he's going to get fired but just doesn't know when… like, is it going to happen today?'' Sirius laughed, almost drowning with his beer. ‘'It's true, imagine you there, in action, and then whoops, a hand where the sun doesn't shine… no thank you very much.'’

"What do you do to make the sun shine in your dick?" Remus asked, also giggle, looking down at the bathing suit James was wearing.

‘’Shut up, you understand. But to answer your question, Moony, I wouldn't do anal sex,’’

"I would just do it out of curiosity," Remus shrugged, taking another sip of beer. ‘'You know, just to see if everything they say is true,'’

''I wouldn't, and I wouldn't eat either… I mean, if it was offered to me, I wouldn't say no, but again, it's overrated; hot, tight and dry.'' Sirius lay back on the lounge chair, putting his hand behind his head and lowering his sunglasses.

"Yeah, I'd rather stick with what I already know, it's safer," James lay back as well. "But if you're so interested, Moony, I know some great lubricants that should work for you and Tonks, then you can tell us later if it's good or not."

[dizzyiscrocodile]

DISCORD RP SERVER AUDITIONS HEYO! WOWWW THIS ISNT ENA CONTENT WHAT ISSS IIIT? oh, weell its a ADVERTISEMENT! For... A REALLY COOL REALLY ACTIVE RP WITH A COMMUNTY! A cool community! Of... 3 ppl who are very very very very invested. and we'd like just a few more. Juuust a few, and not just any people. People that are just as crazy as us. So if you happen to be -Semi Lit (can use "" and carry a plot. If your incredibly literate 24/7 (write in huge paragraphs) and expect everyone around you to be exactly the same, then this isn't for you. It's more of a chill whatever we feel like writing thing. One-liners are often present.)

-Fun. (we are all gay and w a c k . We send memes make funny art and make allot of jokes.)

-Can carry a plot (You have engaging characters with tons of personality preferably lots of trauma as well. You can really drive emotions into the ground and get a story going, as well as know when to hold back starting too much drama when somethings already happening. You also can play a really really powerful character WITH their limits and make them fun, instead of an annoying nuisance. All about how well you can do a story. )

-Not an asshole (We respect pronouns, cultures, and triggers in this damn household.)

-Immature(in the fun way). (We make a lot of stupid, immature, and slightly dirty jokes.)

-Get attached and involved in plots actively (Your active and you will most likely be active in roleplay.)

-Like darker themes (a lot of this server revolves around themes that are tw, triggering, such as Abuse, Gore, Abandonment, etc. If your hypersensitive to that stuff you might wanna stay away. Heavier things than that such as suicide and such

THEN MAYBE YOU BELONG HERE! Leave your discord tag and user and a short intro in the comments, be sure to include a short roleplay example. OKOK, now what everyone's been waiting for, what is this rp about? Its about a bunch of magic, OP, and dangerous children that have been rounded up in another dimension made specifically to hold them and teach them til'' they can either go back home and live on their own or they find a caregiver that can do a better job than the, witch isn't often. yes. Just like ms. petigrins house for peculiar children. but different.. We need -Caretakers, folks who can play tall, responsible, parental figures to take care of the little hellians. -Children. You get to make a little hellian with lots of personalities and, potentially, power. Our rp is so small its not strict at all with rules, as long as you make it fun. But if you do do something undesirable it's up to democracy and opinion mostly what to do about it, that's why we're looking for trustable people who are pretty cool. Were only taking a few people. drop a comment! if you feel the urge to and think this is a cool idea, your most likely gonna get in,

[sleepless-streetss]

One of my students had a meltdown in class today. Full-on tears, hyperventilating, breakdown. It was during reading time, so everyone noticed. Of course, I took her outside. She started wailing about some boy; I had to place my hands at either side of her arms to get her to stop talking long enough to breathe. She finally calmed down enough to admit to me that the boy two seats in front of her had rejected her this morning. They have been friends for a while, and now she doesn't know how to handle things. I told her we could sit outside and wait the rest of class time out and just talk. It's good to face your emotions. I think we should teach kids that earlier. Once she stopped crying, she looked right at me and asked, "Has anyone ever broken your heart? I can't imagine this happening to you. You're so beautiful". And I was a little unsure of what to say, but I simplified my answer down to the fact that there are many ways heartbreak can occur. Most of them won't come from people. Plenty of things, places, and memories have broken my heart. People have chipped it, yes, and people will do that, but heartbreak happens to the best of us in ways we never expect, and more than likely, people hurting you won't be the worst thing life tries to through at you. You have to find a way to build happiness out of that. She looked at me, puzzled after I said all of this. Her next question is what got me more than anything; she asked me if I could build happiness, what would it look like? I told her I'd be her teacher forever, to lighten her spirit, and it seemed to make her smile pretty broad, so I didn't mind lying, but if I could build happiness, I know exactly what it would look like.

I didn't tell her that happiness for me would be playing Clair De Lune to someone other than myself tonight in my house. I'd spend every morning watching the sunrise on a beach, preferably near a lighthouse. I'd write my morning verses down and have long conversations about everything with God. I'd share my breakfast with my love, and we'd kiss before heading off to work every day. I'd teach in a classroom that is colorful and full of life. I'd be able to help every student I'd encounter effectively, and on good days when the sun is shining, I'd let them learn with the windows open. We'd all love the smell of the beach, and we'd be so close we could go on field trips if they behaved perfectly. Every night I'd cook with my husband, except for Fridays, where we eat trash food and watch whatever Netflix show we choose to binge. We laugh often. We love, always. Even when we fight, we find forgiveness easily. We need our space, but even in that, we find we miss the company of being in the same room, breathing the same air as one another. I learn piano effectively instead of memorizing songs, and I play them at small cafes when we go on dates if there is a piano in the room. I imagine I'd look over and watch him fall in love with me all over again. Even when he gets annoyed that I shed worse than a dog, he can't help but smile when he finds my hair in random places. We're best friends, polar opposites, one and the same but somehow totally different. We are constantly teaching the other, while also supporting each other in every decision we make. We read together often, and spend far too much time in bookstores and art museums. Holidays are spent with him being the better baker and me looking fantastic in an apron. We share cookies and hot chocolate and too many kisses by a fireplace. We sleep in on Christmas morning and savor the fact that the best gift is right next to each other. There is nothing safer than sleeping beside him. Nothing more comforting, nobody more beautiful, not a thing I would change. Happiness to me looks like him, and dancing in our house to cheesy love songs, and laughing at his jokes, and kissing in the rain even if it's just sprinkling outside because he knows I find it romantic. It's car rides and radio concerts, and all of the random conversations that we have, because nothing is better than sharing time with one another, and there is never enough time in the day with each other. Flaws and all, mistakes and all, I choose him. And he chooses me. He chooses my wrongdoings, my problems, me. He chooses me. And every day, we choose us. We choose our home; we choose forever. Because love is a choice, and I want to be chosen. I want my home. I want my person, and I want him like yesterday. I want his laugh, I want his smile, I want his arms around my waist and his head propped up on my shoulder on the bad days and the good ones. He is my safety zone, and I, his. No matter what.

This is what I'd build if I could build happiness. If I could mold it with my hands, this is what it would look like. So much love. So much light. Somewhere on a beach. Anywhere with him, actually.