#And while I wasn't exactly a prodigy

[jonnywaistcoat]

If The Magnus Archives didn't work out, what would you be doing instead?

I'd still be writing stuff, certainly, but I did have a back-up plan if I wasn't able to make a proper go of it (as is the likelihood in any creative field - I rolled the dice and got the incredibly lucky result of a just-about-financially-viable career).

I actually started training to become a therapist. It's a 3-4 year process and I did the first year introductory course. It was as I was figuring out where to do the next steps (I wanted to specialise in Person-Centred councilling, so was looking for a course that would foreground that) that Magnus took off.

If my writing career ever drops off to the point where I can't sustain myself - which it always might - it's probably a plan I would return to.

[parkerluvsu]

ANGELEYES (virgin! art donaldson x fem! reader)

(my first halloween fic.. i don't have the energy to do kinktober <3)

art donaldson is a virgin. a big fat virgin. it's his biggest secret, the only person who knows about it is patrick, and he endlessly makes fun of him for it. it's hard living in the shadow of such a sex prodigy like him, patrick had been relaying stories of heavy makeout sessions and 7 minutes in heaven with random girls ever since middle school. art has been on a multitude of double dates with patrick, only for them to end with him and a girl sitting awkwardly next to him while patrick and his date messily makeout on the couch next to him.

of course art tried to mimic patrick, his smooth words and even smoother hands.. but never successfully. the longest he's ever had a girlfriend was only 5 months.. and she broke up with him on valentines day. this year was the first year he actually had a girlfriend on a semi-romantic holiday. or at least art thought it was, he remembers every year that couples in cute costumes walked by and made him want to cry. and even worse was the halloween parties, with drunk college students wearing stupid costumes and grinding on each other, leaving art to sip on a room temperature beer in the corner.

art was abruptly brought back to reality when you tapped on his shoulder, alerting him to the fact that he wasn't still in a stupid party, he was lodged in a costume store dressing room, holding on to the costumes you still wanted to try on. "what do you think?" you spin around, showing him the back of your cheesy tennis player costume. art chuckles, shaking his head, "i think it's offensive.." he jokes, of course you look cute but he can't stop himself from thinking that you'd never be able to move around a court in that stupid uniform. "hand me another one art.." he gives you the next costume, turning to face the wall while you change. "you know you can look.. right? im your girlfriend aren't i?" art blushes and he's thankful you can't see his face. "i- im just being respectful" he says, seeming genuinely concerned about offending you. you let the issue go as you zip up the costume, tapping art on the shoulder.

when you got home, you set down your costume and turned to art. "so now what are you gonna be? we should match right?" he nods shyly, not exactly knowing how to enter this unfamiliar territory. "i guess you could be a devil too and then we could match.." you look at art for inspiration, and settle on his baby blue eyes, biting your lip before getting an idea. "oh i know! you should be an angel! it'll be great!" you say, already envisioning art in a pretty white costume. art blushes, "isn't that.. like a girl costume?" he doesn't mean to offend you and it's not like he hates the idea but.. he doesn't want to embarrass himself. "no not at all! cmon art it'll be so cute.. you'll be my little angel!" you almost squeal, immediately taking out your phone to look for costumes. art nods slowly.. realizing that he doesn't really care what he dresses up as.. as long as he's yours.

art almost drops the costumes he's holding when he sees the little red skirt, tank top and horns you have on, accompanied by a pair of fluffy wings on your back. "what d'you think? it kind of looks silly don't you think?" you turn back to face art. he shakes his head silently, his eyes wide, looking you up and down. you giggle, "guess we have a winner then!". you leave the store that day with a devil costume in a bag, and art leaves with a tent in his pants.

art has never considered himself religious. he was raised to go to sunday school and church and all those other fun events, but he never believed any of it. so why did he feel so guilty when he got hot and heavy seeing you in that costume? maybe it was the fact that he was always reprimanded as a child for liking things that he shouldn't.. playing with dolls, stealing his moms clothes... and maybe even looking a little too long at girls from church. now he still felt like he could get caught any moment doing something he wasn't supposed to, even though he wasn't in that environment anymore.

you're putting on lip gloss, using your phone for a mirror when art pops out of the bathroom, having a little trouble getting the fake wings to fit though the doorframe. you put your things down, standing up to meet him, "oh art.. you look so good.. this costume is perfect for you, don't you think?" you say, looking him up and down. art blushes, trying to avoid your gaze "i- i guess so.." he says, trying to downplay the fact that he likes the costume so much. you pick up on his tone, and decide to speak up. "what? you don't like it?" he shakes his head quickly, "no.. no that's not it.. it's like the opposite.. maybe i like it a little too much" he looks away, shifting from foot to foot. you smile knowingly, not surprised that he feels this way. art let's you guide him to sit on the edge of your bed. "well, why do you like it so much?" you ask, wanting to see if he'll be honest.

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・

when halloween night finally comes around, art finds himself staring in the mirror, tugging at the tight white t-shirt that came with his costume, shifting his back and shoulders to re-adjust the wings sitting heavy on his back. god.. what's patrick gonna think about this? he's probably gonna be made fun of relentlessly.. but there's a feeling in the bottom of his stomach when he looks at himself.. he can't deny that he likes what he sees. he's just nervous for you to see him too, what if you laugh? what if you think he looks silly? what if you make fun of him? all these thoughts swirl around in his head as he leaves your bathroom, stepping into your bedroom as you look up from your phone.

art mulls that over in his head, pretty.. did he feel pretty? was he pretty? he's a boy isn't he.. was he even allowed to be pretty? even with all these thoughts swirling in his head he knows the foundational truth: he likes when he say that, he likes when you call him pretty. you bring art back to reality by kissing him softly, leaning closer to him. arts tentative hands grab hold of your waist, squeezing tight when you slip your tongue into his mouth. "won't you let me take care of you art?" he nods, knowing that you saw the bulge in his pants the moment he stepped out of the bathroom.

you run your hands over arts warm skin, swinging your leg over his lap in order to straddle him. "we'll go slow, alright? don't be scared" you whisper, pressing your lips to his once again. art whines against you, his hips jerking under you even with the simple makeout session. art finds it easy to let you take the lead, you always do, in every facet of your relationship, and art likes to just turn his brain off when he's with you. he lets you run your fingers through his hair, pulling off the silly halo headband while you do. art shivers when you make your way down to his neck, sharp canine teeth poking and pulling at his skin. you pull at the hem of arts shirt, "can i take this off?" you ask, waiting for a nod before pulling it off of him, pressing your lips on his again and raking your nails down his chest, almost making him curl up on himself.

you were so warm inside, hot even, he could feel your every move from the inside, every ridge and squishy spot made him take a shuddering breath. you try to lift up again to establish a rhythm, but arts hands keep you still, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. after a few seconds, he takes his hands away, letting you start to bounce gently. his moans and whines become almost screams, "k-keep goingg please.." "y'r so warm 'nside" "never wanna stop.. wanna do this f-forever" he feels himself approaching his peak far too quick, but he cant stop, he couldn't even if he wanted to, he needs you to keep going, he needs you to touch him, he needs you to love him. you can feel art start to move his hips with you, planting his feet on the mattress and pushing up, slamming into you with the last of his strength before his whole body goes taut, shaking and shivering before you feel him cum inside you, even through the condom.

you kiss some more, before you pull away to take a breath and look at him. arts pretty pink cheeks and white wings contrast perfectly, only making your heart beat faster. "do you wanna see me?" you gesture to your chest, covered by a skimpy red tank top. art nods very quickly, almost getting dizzy. "y-yeah, yes please" he says, watching with stars in his eyes as you strip off your shirt, exposing your chest to him. art almost gasps when you take hold of his hands and place them on your boobs, letting him experiment and touch and squeeze to his hearts content, you want to giggle at his facial expressions but you don't want to make him self conscious. "c-can we keep going?" he asks, hands still on your breasts. you smile and laugh, nodding. "alright art.. can you take off your pants for me?" art almost thinks his heart stops when you ask him to do that, still getting it through his head to nod slowly. he shuffles them down his legs, his blue boxers already a little stained from the precum leaking from the makeout sessions. you shift closer to him, sitting between his spread legs. "ill be gentle okay?" you start slow, running your fingers softly over his bulge, smiling when you feel him twitch under your touch. tapping his hip to signal him to lift his hips up, art complies, suddenly feeling self conscious at the fact that no one has ever seen him like this before.. he doesn't even know what he's supposed to do, or say. you notice this of course, placing your palm on his hip, "you're doing great art" he visibly relaxes at your touch, sinking into your bed. he lets you touch him softly again, with no barrier this time, he's softer than you thought, his pretty pink head already drooling, the pronounced veins on the sides pulsing. you wish you could take a polaroid of this moment, the look of his innocent white wings contrasting from the very lewd image in front of you. art slaps a hand over his mouth, his brows furrowed, he's never had anyone else touch him here, your hand feels so much different than his own, so much softer and warmer. art has to concentrate his best on not cumming immediately, the sensation of your hand jerking him off becoming overwhelming. he has to reach down and push your hand away before he cums, wanting to save the best part for later. "i-im sorry i didn't wanna.. cum" he says, his face flushed red. you smile, understanding his predicament. "it's okay, i did the same my first time too.. do you have a condom?" art nods quickly, opening up a packet of condoms he bought a little prematurely maybe.. but he wanted to be prepared no matter what happened. art had taken a sex ed class before, but putting a condom on himself versus a banana were very different, so you had to help him roll it down his length. art does nothing but watch you throw your panties to the side, again climbing into his lap. "like i said, we'll go slow, tell me if you don't like how it feels yeah?" art agrees, placing his large hands on your hips in an attempt to prepare, but nothing could prepare him for this.

you move your hips slowly to let him cool off, before slipping off of him and settling down beside him. you take off the condom for him, cum dripping onto his stomach before you can throw it away. you place your head on arts chest, unable to resist dipping your finger into the drops of cum on his stomach, the translucent liquid almost glowing on his pale skin. you can't help the word that escapes your mouth, "angel..." you whisper against his skin, not thinking he's back to his senses yet. art perks up a little, hoping he heard what he thought he heard, "w-what?" "nothing" <3

art sighs, not even knowing why he likes it so much. "i dunno, i guess i feel.. nice in it.. like it's natural?" you nod along with his words, encouraging him to keep talking. "like when i put it on, it kind of made me get butterflies.." you nod, seeing where this was going. "you thought you looked pretty yeah? i mean i always say you look like an angel, this just proves my point" you remark, placing a gentle hand on his thigh. "yeah.. well you're right as always.."

[xiibiibby]

Vampire: Prodigy — Romance Options ❤️

Little update post!

So, as I've said, I don't want to spoil too much about the romance options in the game before the demo, but I'll give you a little peek at 'em in the meantime!

🩸 Lucan — The Untamed

Lucan is a fighter, a liar, and a walking disaster wrapped in cool leather, muscle, and bad decisions. He has no love for vampire hierarchy, but he plays along when it benefits him. As long as the ones on top keep paying him to knock heads and giving him a cushy place to stay, he won’t complain. Unlike most of the elite, Lucan never pretended vampires were noble creatures. He sees them exactly for what they are—bloodthirsty predators hiding behind their wealth and politics. Their games never interested him, only the fights that came out of them.

🩸 Marcella— The Rebel Aristocrat

Marcella was once part of the system, a high-ranking noble from one of the last great vampire houses, seated among the elite of the Vampire Council. She thrived in that world—power, luxury, and the safety of well-maintained order. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked. She had control, influence, and the respect of her peers. And then, everything fell apart.

🩸 Aldric — The Bloodsworn Knight

Aldric is a warrior first, a strategist second, and a man last. Bound by duty and unshakable loyalty to the Council and his Court, he upholds order, discipline, and strength above all else. Unlike the aristocrats who scheme behind velvet curtains or the rebels who cry for revolution, he sees the bigger picture—the fragility of vampire society, the cracks forming beneath them, and the enemies gathering beyond their borders. If vampirekind is to survive, they must be stronger, stricter, unbreakable—and Aldric will see to it that they don't crumble under their own arrogance.

🩸 Vanya— The Healer

Vanya is a medic, a scientist, and a woman desperately searching for a cure in a world that refuses to believe one exists. She was never meant to be a soldier. She wasn't raised to wield a weapon, nor was she trained to hate. But war doesn't care about her intentions, and she's seen too much blood to turn away now. Born into the Lazarus Order, Vanya was expected to follow in the footsteps of the hunters before her—to fight, to kill, to purge the disease of vampirism from the world. But where others saw monsters, she saw a sickness. A condition. Something that could be studied, understood, maybe even cured. This belief has made her an outlier, a heretic within the Order. While the rest of the Lazarus Order seeks extermination, she pursues a solution. She hunts not for sport, not for vengeance, but to gather data, to test her theories, and to prove that there is another way.

🩸 Hadrian— The Skeptic

Hadrian’s hatred for vampires isn't philosophical, not political—it is deeply personal, carved into his body and burned into his mind. As a child, his family was slaughtered by vampires, their home reduced to a nest of gore and torment. He was left alive—not as an act of mercy, but as a plaything. They toyed with him, tormented him, and fed from him for days. By the time the Lazarus Order found him, he was malnourished, broken, and barely clinging to life. But there was something still burning inside him—rage, hatred, and the will to never let himself be powerless again. They gave him a choice: become a hunter, or let the past consume him. He chose the hunt. Hadrian doesn't believe in peace between humanity and vampires. He's seen too much, suffered too much to accept the idea that these creatures—leeches who live only to feed on others—could ever be anything but an enemy. Treaties are meaningless. Alliances are temporary conveniences. The only way to ensure humanity’s survival is to eradicate the threat entirely.

🩸 Corvin— The Half-blood

Corvin is a man caught between two worlds, yet belonging to neither. His mother, a human woman, gave birth to something that should never have existed—a child with vampiric hunger but a beating heart. His father, whoever he was, left nothing but a legacy of rejection. From the moment he could understand the world, Corvin knew he was an outsider. Humans saw the hunger in his eyes and feared him. Vampires saw his diluted blood, his mortality, his limitations, and despised him. There was no middle ground—no place that would take him in as one of their own. So when the Lazarus Order gave him a choice, he took it. They didn’t accept him, not truly, but they could use him, and that was enough. Better to be a weapon than a mistake. If he could prove himself—if he could hunt vampires better than anyone else—then maybe, just maybe, he’d carve out a place for himself.

🩸 Seraphiel— The Last Bloodbearer

Seraphiel is a remnant of an age long forgotten, a being who's watched civilizations rise and crumble into dust. Older than most can comprehend, they're one of the last carriers of the divine blood—the sacred essence that birthed the first vampires. For centuries, they remained in self-imposed exile, watching from the shadows as vampire society decayed into arrogance, betrayal, and inevitable ruin. They had no desire to meddle, no reason to intervene—until now.

And there you have it~!

I've only shared little snippets of their bios since I don't wanna spoil too much about them. But if you have any questions pertaining to any of 'em, feel free to ask! I'll answer so long as it doesn't spoil anything major.

Thanks for reading <3 I'll have more to share regarding the project soon!

The wonderful character art was drawn by dariakonnova!

[pha55ed]

Kodoku | F2 (kimi bday celly!)

type :: angst tw/cw :: gn!reader for most part, only like 3 gendered-terms and "wag", suicide joke (ollie), stalking (pepe), sa (pepe) contains :: kimi!, ollie, pepe request :: kodoku by mei semones, he reassures you after fans attack you with Ollie, Kimi (ofc) and Pepe. You're making me a fan of him (OMGG so many pepe fans! id like to thank httpiastri for introducing me to him LOL, also sorry for no banners, i could not find any good photos for the fucking life of me that actually matched... so just deal with it. ) link to kimi bday celly!

Kimi Antonelli | 04

The newest star in Formula is Kimi. The new prodigy with higher expectations than a fucking mountain. You always wonder how he can handle it all so well. Of course he got hate from time to time, but it's basically nothing compared to all of the praise and love he's gotten.

So when he shared that you were his girlfriend, the expectations were also high for you. Although you weren't a racer and just a random WAG, people wanted the world and more from you. And if you didn't deliver that they expected, not only would it hurt your reputation but also Kimi's. Everything you did was being watched, 24/7.

Wearing a cheap outfit? Why are you so poor, does Kimi's job not pay? Your makeup is smudged? Did you kiss someone else, how could Kimi be so dumb to like a cheater? You yawned once at a race? How dare you not support Kimi's career and his hard work, he needs a better partner.

It was so much pressure on you, it was as if you did one wrong thing then a new article would be released. You wanted to just tell the media to fuck off, but you knew that would ruin Kimi's image and make you be seen as a dickhead. So you were forced to sit and look pretty, tummy constantly sucked in, eyes locked onto the race, and smile locked onto your face.

After every race, you and Kimi would be exhausted. Kimi was drained from the race, while you were exhausted from the brutal camera-crews who were doing their best to catch you off guard. You'd argue that you even do more interviews than him at this point. But you didn't want to tell him, he was able to handle all of his problems so easily yet you were struggling to even do one portion of his job.

But he knew something was wrong, he was great at reading you. Instantly, you weren't able to hide it any longer and you admitted everything to him - the mean comments, the articles, the camera shoved in your face, even the hidden cameras they placed on you.

Instantly, he was upset and hurt. "I had no idea, why didn't you tell me?" He said, but he wasn't blaming you but more ashamed he didn't noticed faster. "I would have done something,,, everything to make you safer"

And he did exactly that. He talked to his team, and they listened to all his concerns. Instantly, at the next race you felt 100 times safer. There were no news reporters sneakily filming you from behind, no new articles were made, and there weren't even any microphones shoved into your face for a small interview. It was so peaceful for once, and you loved it.

Ollie Bearman | 87

Everyone knows Ollie is cute, it's more of a fact than a statement. His brown hair, cute smile, and polite manners made him charming to anyone. He's the dream boy of every teenager and the dream son-in-law for all the creepy mothers. So when he finally posted you on his Instagram, you expected some hate - but not to this degree...

Fans flooded the comments with negative things, calling you awful things. Saying you had poor fashion taste, you were too chubby for him, you were just a gold-digger, your eyes are too close together, your lips look like a bad lip-filler job... There's more mean things, but you didn't even want to continue on.

Your entire mood was ruined, you tried to ignore them but they found out your deepest insecurities. All you could do was cry and mope, feeling more insecure than ever. It has only been one day with the post being up and you already gained 3,000 followers on Instagram. But not in a good way...

Girls flooded your comments with even harsher comments that were supposed to be nice. "You're so confident! I love that!" Which had a sweet intention, but only made you feel worse. "You have such unique features! You're still beautiful!" Also very sweet intentions, but the wording made you want to learn how to tie a noose.

Once Ollie came home, he saw you sitting at the dining table, poking at your cereal. You didn't even want to eat, the comments have scared you from eating. Instantly, Ollie could tell everything going on through your brain.

He ran up to you, dropping all of his gear onto the floor. Rushing to you, he engulfed you in a huge hug. He ran his hand up and down your back while the other was in your hair, combing it to soothe you. Instantly, you broke down into tears yet again, even though you thought you ran out.

"I'm so sorry, love. I don't understand what they're saying at all." He said with an emphasis as he withdrew from the hug slightly to look you in the eyes. He used his thumb to wipe your tears while the other hand stayed on your back. "Don't you dare listen to them,"

You simply looked at him with tears in your eyes. Although he was comforting you, you knew it would take so much longer to heal from all of the hate you got. All you could do was give a weak nod as your leaned forward into him to cry on his shoulder more.

"I'll get my PR team to delete everything, don't worry. They're all so stupid, so so stupid to not see how stunning you are." He said, letting you sob into him.

You couldn't help but ask him, "Do you agree with them...?" You asked weakly. "Maybe you are too good for me," you said in a moment of weakness.

Ollie instantly looks at you with wide eyes, as if you just said a slur. "What!?" He said, unable to hide his shock. "I always think that you're too good for me! I could never ask for someone better than you."

He continued, "Where else will I find someone so understanding of my busy life? Where else will I find someone as beautiful as you? Someone with your pretty smile? With your humor, intelligence, and abundance of love???" He pauses, "I'll answer that, no where."

Pepe Marti | 21

Who doesn't love Pepe? Maybe his car,,, but that doesn't matter - the whole world can't help but smile when Pepe smiles. So when it got leaked that you two were dating, the entire fandom was in shambles.

Fangirls were crying their hearts out, moms were wishing they were younger, and dads were wishing their son's could pull someone as stunning as you. Surprisingly, the fanbase accepted you with open arms. The only issue, is that their arms were way too open.

They quickly became obsessed with you, arguably more than they are with Pepe. Everything you wore sold out in minutes, everywhere you went became a hot-spot, even the small phrases you said became new slang. Although you loved the support, it seemed like too much for just a WAG of a driver.

It got even worse. A bunch of men online made you their new "it girl". You got thousands of followers from random men online, making you have more followers than Pepe. They all shot their shot at you, made TikToks wishing that you gave them a chance, filled your comments with "Can Pepe fight?" and more. It was a bit funny though, seeing Pepe get jealous and seeing all of the love did boost your ego.

But it turned sour so fast. Now you were unable to go outside without a camera in your face, your address got leaked, even your family was being stalked as well. You never could have expected this all, it was so overwhelming for you. Now you were unable to do the most basic things. Getting groceries, hanging out with friends, and even going to watch Pepe race was impossible.

These men were creepy, stalking you all the way to the race locations. Some even snuck past security and tried to take photos with you and hug you. You tried your best to be nice and handle it all, but it became even worse as the men started to get more handsy.

Hugs turned into surprise kisses on the cheek. Hi-fives turned into hand holding, and they refused to let go. Even if you weren't around them, they would take creepy photos of you from behind or side, watching your every move. The FIA did their best to protect you, but since it was Formula 2 and you were just a WAG, they didn't try to do much.

You couldn't take it anymore, after a rough race day you bursted out into tears to Pepe once you were alone in your shared apartment. It was so much pressure on you. So many hands on you, so many eyes on you, you never wanted this life style - you just wanted to be a normal person with their sweet boyfriend.

Instantly, Pepe felt awful. He felt guilty for putting you out there into stardom. He could feel himself fighting his own urge to cry, feeling too empathetic to you. He listened to all your stories, all the touches, and more. You never told him about it since you didn't want to inconvenience him, so him hearing this all was so shocking to him.

After he heard everything, he was furious. He vowed to be by your side from then on, making sure to keep you safe in either his driver's room or in the garage. He even asked his PR manager if he could make a new Instagram post where he states how uncomfortable you've been. You said it wasn't needed, but he didn't care - he wanted you to be safe.

So he did exactly that: made sure his team kept you in the garage or his driver's room, got security guards to escort you around the paddock, and he made that Instagram post. The post went viral, even people who weren't fans of Formula saw it and felt awful for you. The post stated something along the lines of:

"I know my girlfriend is hot, but she's mine. Thank you for all of the love and support you've showered her in, but please keep in mind that we're both still young. There has been lots of actions from fans that have been been extremely inappropriate, which means there's going to be more precaution to ensure her safety. Thank you for understanding and supporting us, much love from (Y/N)'s boyfriend."

[iz-star]

About Zayne's nightmares...

The most unrealistic thing about Zayne is that he's a functional working adult that seemingly has put his life together at 27 not because he's young or a prodigy but because he's said to have nightmares since he was 12?? Like... I feel like this theme might be a bit overlooked but just think about it deeply, having constant nightmares fucks your mind like really REALLY bad, I can genuinely say this by experience and also as someone who has had trouble to have a healthy sleeping schedule since I was at highschool (like, for example, right now, I should be sleeping instead of writing this...).

There was a time I would have nightmares almost everytime I went to sleep during a really hard time in my life. Of course, the topic about those nightmares was almost always the same, not like the nightmares repeated themselves but they always revolved about the same things that I was actually working in therapy at the moment. Back then I was jobless and medicated most part of the time, I was pretty dysfunctional.

I suppose that's why when I listened to "Fragmented Dreams" for the first time it was the time I said "Yeah, this is my man". I love how he's always nagging MC about sleeping early because I know by experience that not sleeping properly can mess up with your mind pretty bad, and probably he knows it too. It truly is a showcase of love how he worries about her sleep like that and it also showcases how strong minded he is for enduring too much stress and remind kind constantly.

I love how healthy he is. I like to think that he's overcome all the stressful stuff he's gone thru bc of his discipline and healthy life style, but realistically it would take him some more to deal with all of that.

Yes, all of the guys have been through some very rough stuff and they all need therapy, but my point with Zayne comes with the fact that not having a good sleeping schedule and on top of that having constant nightmares can mess up with your perception of reality and induce you a bad depression or other mental health issues. Everytime I remember Zayne's main story branch when they're trapped in Zayne's dream and MC leaves him alone and he starts listening to Willian, Georgie and his Mom so he has to remind himself "It's not real, it's not real" I deeply feel that and I just want to hug him so bad :(

I think I'd like to see a card where they explore the consecuences of their past in their psyche more deeply. I can't help remembering this post which was one of the first posts you unlock with Zayne:

It was there when I just knew that even if he looked quiet, he had a lot to say but didn't know how to express.

Another thing I'd like to highlight about this is that actually I love the emotional maturity that Zayne displays about dealing with such issues like nightmares, traumatic experiences and literally being exposed to see people dying 24/7 while being someone that feels a lot yet says little. He's dealt with this the best way he can, no wonder why he came to be quite serious and inexpressive or sarcastic. Not allowing himself to express other emotions than seriousness or sarcasm was like keeping himself in check so he wouldn't spill everything he feels and considering how stressing is his job already, it just makes sense, but that didn't mean Zayne didn't feel because he feels too much and too deeply and worries sick about ppl and especially about MC.

Of course, bottling up his emotions wasn't the best way to deal with them but he never used any unhealthy coping mechanism neither, like alcohol, for example (My teetotaler King ❤️) etc. Yeah, his workaholism isn't exactly healthy but not something toxic to his mind and relationships, and I've always had a feeling that he's a big foodie and addicted to sweets to give himself that boost of serotonine he needs so bad.

That's why he compares MC with sweets, being her his favorite dessert, bc she's brought all that serotonine to his life naturally and has helped him let go little by little. When he opened to her about losing Dulcie, I had a feeling that Zayne always wanted someone to listen to him but he didn't know how to ask for it and ppl around him was too afraid to even dare to suggest it. I think even in one of his anecdotes, it is said that sometimes Dr Noah wanted to tell him something but at the end ended up saying nothing.

The fact that Zayne bottled up his emotions didn't mean that he wouldn't willingly share them, he wanted to but wasn't used to it. With MC, he's slowy started to let it go and enjoy life more, allowing himself to be sad in front of her, to express his fears (about losing her) or to express his childish tantrums and indulge in his softest side. That's why also she's not only his favorite dessert but also his best painkiller ❤️

And just to finish, I've always thought this quote by Kafka fits him so well:

"Remember, you should sleep more than other people, for I sleep less than most. And I can’t think of a better place to store my unused share of universal sleep than in your beloved eyes."

[byfulcrums]

Seeing people saying that Satoru doesn't actually care about Suguru and that the only reason Kenjaku caught him was bc he was surprised to see a person he killed alive is fucking wild, man

Like. Gojo's entire life revolves around Geto. The entire series happens because he loved Suguru too much to kill him, even though he knew he would have to do it eventually. The world literally went to shit because he wasn't over him

Geto Suguru's life would be completely unimportant to the story without Gojo Satoru, and Gojo Satoru's would be completely unimportant without Geto Suguru. They complement each other. They need each other

Two male betta fishes can't coexist. They will fight and one will die. They can't see each other — even if they're in different tanks, they won't be able to live. They'd eventually tire each other out, resulting in death. The only way for Satoru and Suguru's lives to be able to continue without the other would've been for them to never have met at all. And they can't be together. Not now, not ever again. Not while they're still alive. Not after everything that's happened

The entire story revolves around their relationship. Yuuji is a boy who ate a curse('s finger[s]), and Megumi is the prodigy who befriends him. Satoru is a prodigy, the strongest, and Suguru, the boy whose technique is eating curses, befriends him. The Jujutsu Kaisen story is all about parallels and they all connect to fucking Satosugu. It's all about them

The only reason Kenjaku's plan worked is because the body he used didn't belong to some random person Gojo killed, it worked because the body he used was Geto Suguru's, Gojo's one and only, his best friend. He must be thinking “Thank god they're gay” right now lmao

Gojo fucking hesitated. He hesitated multiple times when it came to Geto. He was supposed to kill him, yet he let him go. He has the Six Eyes, he could've easily tracked him down. He probably could tell if he was nearby (he can recognize Suguru from his scent) and just didn't go looking for him. And he could've so very easily escaped the trap that was set up for him, he was going to run away from it because we see him about to take that step but then Suguru's body shows up and says “Yo, Satoru!” with Suguru's voice and Satoru freezes and hesitates

They weren't able to let go of each other even after years of being separated (like a decade). When they meet, Suguru still greets Satoru warmly

Suguru is pretty much Satoru's moral code. He was the only person Satoru took at least mildly seriously pre-Toji (and we know Satoru just didn't do serious back then). He actually took his words to heart. He was kind, of course (especially from Suguru's PoV, since he's the person that knows him most), and not a bad person, but he wasn't nice. Suguru was always the ‘nice(r) one’, the one who actually had a moral code, while Satoru was more of an asshole to literally everyone and everything (some more, some less), thinking he and Suguru were above everyone else

When Suguru finally snaps (which, honestly. Fair) and goes genocidal (not so fair), Satoru slowly starts to be somewhat nicer and starts applying Suguru's old moral code to his own being — their roles weren't exactly reversed, but now they're not together anymore, so they might as well be. And Suguru was shown for having faith in the school and its system while it was Satoru the one who absolutely abhorred the higher-ups and all kinds of authority, but then it ended up with Suguru being the one to leave and become a cult leader with the blood of hundreds on his hands while Satoru was the one that stayed behind in the same place of the people he despises so much

(Imagine someone saying something like “Sometimes I doubt you even have a moral code” and Gojo answers with “Oh, my best friend my one and only is pretty much my moral code. He went homicidal a while back but it's okay haha” “...Actually, that explains a few things”)

Gojo doesn't have a god complex, but I wouldn't blame him if he did. I mean, he might as well be the closest thing to god human beings have ever seen. He used to put himself above everyone else, when he was a teenager. He thought that, the higher he was, the more he could do. And no one was better than him. But not Suguru. Back then, it wasn't “I'm the strongest” it was “We're the strongest and “We're the best” and “We're the ones that will beat you” and “We're the duo” and it was all about “us, us, us, us, us” instead of “me, me, me, me” like people thought it was — they were a pair. They still are

We know people thought and still think of Gojo as a weapon. As something that must be controlled, because on the moment he decides he doesn't want to be around them anymore, he could just straight up kill then without any effort (but getting rid of people in positions of power only gets other people in positions of power and it'll be a neverending story, and Gojo knows this so he's trying to do his best to fix it all through the younger generation, by letting them live). And we also know that Suguru is one of the very few people who did not believe that at all

Like their personalities and characters and stories and literally everything, their names complement each other. Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru are such similar names, I get them mixed up all the time (the amount of times I've called them “Gojo Suguru” and “Geto Satoru” is embarassing. Also, “Saturu”. “Goto”. “Gejo”. Ugh). Both of their last names start with a G, end with an O and have 4 letters. Both of their given names start with an S, end with an U and have 6 letters. They complement each other. They need each other

The only times we've seen Gojo with an expression of actual pure, raw emotion is when it's about Geto. When he finds out about what Geto did, when he realizes how thin and wrong Geto looks, when he sees him again for what we assume to be the first time in years, when he dies, when a thing wearing his corpse and using his voice greets him (“Yo, Satoru!” oh my god)

Suguru was able to fight back when in Kenjaku's control after Satoru said his name. Kenjaku himself says that had never happened before

And you don't even have to see them as romantic. You don't have to ship them if you don't want to. But you can't deny that they care about each other more than they will ever care about anyone else

[pandaofsecrets]

This convo got me thinking about how Ozai being a good parent and husband would actually be like (and how little that would actually change things), so here's the basics of the AU. It follows comics continuity because I think it's more impactful that way, and also because I really don't want to write two AUs for the price of one.

Okay, so first of all, how do we get here? Let's say that instead of Ozai becoming narcissistic as a coping mechanism (unlikely, but bear with me), he just kinda gives up trying to "prove his worth" and distances himself from his father and brother, distrusting them and trying to avoid their attention as much as he can.

Anyway, Azulon hears about the prophecy and wants Ozai married to Ursa, which. So much for not attracting attention. Azulon's logic here is that while he does want those strong firebenders, he doesn't want any of Roku's line to actually inherit the throne. So, marrying Ursa to his out-of-favor second son it is.

Needless to say, neither Ozai nor Ursa are exactly jazzed about the marriage. They're both essentially forced into it, and Ursa was already seeing someone, thank you very much. But they both figure that it's for the good of their country and that they can't really leave anyway, so they might as well try to make it work. Ozai works to make Ursa as comfortable as possible, and she cooperates with him as much as she can. A few months or so into the marriage, Ursa is pregnant with Zuko.

This is when Ursa notices that no one is replying to her letters. No one at all. Not Ikem, not her friends, and not even her parents. Like, she knows mail is slow, but it's been almost half a year at this point. Her parents at least should've written back by now. So, she does a little detective work, and puts together that Ozai is intercepting her letters.

Unsurprisingly, Ursa is pissed. She'd just begun to like Ozai, and he went and tore her heart into confetti. Incredibly betrayed (and also hormonal as all fuck), Ursa comes up with the very smart idea of writing a letter to Ikem in which she pretty much confesses to cheating on Ozai, reasoning that would hurt him pretty bad.

As Ursa expected, Ozai gets the letter and barges into the room, demanding to know what the hell she was thinking. "I knew it!" she goes. "I knew you've been intercepting my letters!" Ozai is like "Count yourself lucky it was me. What if it was my father? How would you have even begun to explain this to him?" He goes on to remind her that she was to give up contact with everyone outside of court, including her parents. He doesn't like his father's orders any more than she does, but he has to enforce them. He then burns the letter, telling Ursa that she can see whoever she wants, do whatever she wants, but she had better not let Zuko get caught up in any of it. Ozai makes a point to call Zuko his child, both because Ursa's letter did hurt him, and as a way to imply he cares about Zuko and Ursa doesn't.

A couple of hours later, both are feeling bad about the whole debacle. Ursa goes to see Ozai, who's in the middle of his usual "dealing with his angst by training until he straight-up collapses" routine, and they have a chat. Ozai apologizes for trying to imply she doesn't care about Zuko and for putting her in this position in the first place, and admits that he should've talked to her instead of going behind her back like that. Ursa swears she wasn't trying to get them in trouble, she was just so hurt by his actions that she wasn't thinking straight. Ozai promises her he'll find a way for her to contact and maybe even see her parents, so long as she promises to try and be less reckless. She agrees.

I'm skipping around a lot over things I haven't thought of in detail, so cut to a few years later. Zuko is around 7 and has just started his firebending lessons, Azula is around 5, and everything seems to be going pretty good. And then Azula starts firebending as well. Not only that, but she turns out to be a prodigy. Oops.

Ozai being Ozai, he immediately goes for damage control. He holds back Azula's progress under the pretext that it's going to be better for her in the long run, discourages her from attracting attention, and is generally very cagey whenever the subject of her bending is brought up. This is in sharp contrast to Azulon and to her teachers, who praise her for her talents and encourage her to develop her skills. So, naturally, Azula is really confused. If she's so great, why doesn't her father ever acknowledge it? This is made worse by the fact that Ozai can't really explain to Azula why he does things the way he does. So he just comes off as an unreasonable tyrant, which is. You know. Not at all the impression he wanted Azula to have of him. He knows what it's like to be the secondborn who is disliked by their parent, he never wanted to do that to his own child. It honestly feels like the universe is out to get him at this point.

So Azula becomes increasingly recalcitrant, and Ozai resolves to just give her space for the time being, spending more time with the one child who isn't fighting him at every turn. Seeing this as a rejection, Azula takes whatever pent-up rage she can't direct at Ozai and starts directing it at Zuko, meaning Ozai is put in a position where he has to protect one of his children from the other. Ursa tries her hardest to pick up the pieces, but that just ends with Azula writing her off as well. Azula also becomes aware of the fact that Ozai and Ursa are both pretty much powerless against Azulon, and that's where the fun begins.

It's a crappy situation all around, but it's about to get worse. Lu Ten dies and Iroh is about to return home from the Siege of Ba Sing Se, so Azulon tells Ozai that he has to give Azula to Iroh. Ozai is like, yep, there it is. There's the moment I've been dreading ever since I got married. Because due to the way this whole eugenics experiment worked, his children were never truly his. Azulon's vested interest in them meant Ozai never had any control over his own family, and Zuko and Azula were always going to be taken away from him sooner or later. But before Ozai can say anything, Azulon drops the bombshell on him. He has to kill Zuko, too. Ozai is like, fuck this. He doesn't care that Zuko was a failed experiment or whatever, that's his son. But he knows by now that his father cannot be reasoned with, so he asks Azulon to wait until Iroh comes home, buying himself time to figure out what to do. Surprisingly, Azulon agrees.

Ozai then goes to Ursa and tells her the tale of what just happened. Ursa goes, yeah, no, we can't afford to wait until Iroh comes back. Because even if they did, Zuko would still die. Ozai is like, well, there's gotta be something we can do. And that's when Ursa gets an idea. She briefly considers telling Ozai, but quickly thinks better of it. Patricide is a strong word. She knows Ozai wouldn't approve, so if she wants something done, she's gotta do it herself. Instead, she just says she knows a way, and leaves Ozai to mope.

Next morning, the palace is in chaos. Azulon just kicked the bucket, Iroh is away, and everyone is looking to Ozai for leadership. Ozai has a chat with Ursa and is like "You did this, didn't you?" Ursa is all "I don't know what you're talking about", and Ozai asks her if she really thinks he's that stupid. He then encourages her to get the heck out of Dodge, because someone is definitely going to trace this back to her and then they'll all be in big trouble, her especially. Ursa counters that she's not the same reckless woman she was 8 years ago, and that she made sure to cover all her bases this time, pinning the blame on supposed Earth Kingdom assassins. They sit in silence for a bit, and then Ozai confesses he can't believe Azulon is dead, and that he doesn't know whether to be relieved or to hate Ursa for murdering him. Ursa says that everything she's done, she's done to protect her family.

So Ozai basically becomes interim Fire Lord while waiting for Iroh to come back, and he does a pretty good job, having basically been acting Crown Prince ever since he came of age (with all of the responsibility and none of the credit, because Azulon was a dick like that). From here the AU can go any number of ways, from Iroh immediately taking over as Fire Lord, to him giving up his claim to the title, to Iroh trying to give up his claim and Ozai refusing.

I don't know if I'm ever going to actually write this AU, so I'm leaving this here, I guess? Lmk what you think.

[stripedstarsblueflags]

goodbye to a world

reading between the lines of the various goodbyes and dismissals to logan sargeant

Pt. 3: Oscar (press conference)

full series

not a goodbye (in the traditional sense of the word) but a fucking statement. obviously. because piastri.

the loscar dynamic is absolutely FASCINATING. out of all the friendships in the grid, this one plays a special role: it reminds the audience that there’s so much more than formula 1, there’s so much more to f1 drivers than this stage of their career. most of us (spectators) have a broad conception of the “typical” driver backstory; rich kid with rich parents, got in a go kart at age 4, karting and then single-seater and junior series was their whole life and they climbed up the ranks like rungs on a ladder. i think a lot of people who only watch f1 (myself included) tend to focus so much more on the Pinnacle of MotorsportTM that everything else just seems like prep. even though most if not all of the drivers grew up either 1) racing each other 2) watching each other on tv, we don’t really think of these relationships beyond and BEFORE f1.

until loscar. because what draws them together? they’re not teammates. they’re not rivals. williams is so far behind that they’re not even competitors. in many way, logan is entirely “out of oscar’s league”.

and yet they have this endearing, sweet, playful friendship that’s exactly what it seems like: people who have known each other since they were kids, grown up together, watched each other become the person they are today. there’s a casual, domestic intimacy neither of them have with their teammates, even if those relationships are also going well, because there’s this history element.

which is recalled no more vividly than when oscar and logan are compared. as they are too often.

total polar opposites. f1 stories practically the inverse of each other. one was a promising young talent who f1 teams had been keeping an eye on for years that, once thrown in the car at that “wait! isn’t he just a kid??” age, immediately proved his worth as a future superstar. Future World Champion, to quote the official moniker. “look at him go! look at OSCAR PIASTRI!” he’s a prodigy, he’s a social enigma, he’s a raw force of pure and driven talent.

then you have the other promising young talent who one f1 team had been keeping a loose eye on for years. who’s never done any free practices or tests. who’s barely even dipped his toe into the waters of f2. who’s shown a lot of raw potential but more noticeably, glittering fancy sponsors. who gets chucked into a car as a last-minute, scrapping underprepared and thrown-together plan B after the previous f2 graduate fails to keep his seat. and, while oscar soared off into the stratosphere, logan flops IMMEDIATELY.

go fucking figure. it’s almost like people like max verstappen and lewis hamilton are exceptions to the rule, not the rule itself, and an underprepared rushed overwhelmed rookie is actually NOT in a position to achieve immediate stardom! in fact, maybe that’s the OPPOSITE of what they need! so, in loscar, we have the exception to the rule (oscar) and the rule (logan). but that’s not the solidified narrative; the story, how history will remember the two of them, is that logan was nothing but a pale and washed-out shadow. always. open and shut case.

what does oscar have to say about it, though?

this was said to gp blog (great website); the full quotes from him are:

I sent him a text yesterday. He seemed okay. Obviously a little bit of a shock. Obviously it wasn't an easy time for him in F1. It was much more difficult for him than maybe I expected it to be going into F1. I think for me, his potential was much greater than what was on show in F1, for whatever reason it might be.

I know firsthand, being his teammate in the junior categories, racing him in basically everything, I know how quick he is. I don't think the change was completely unexpected...

Best of luck to him. Just a shame that, for whatever reason, he wasn't able to show everything that he's got. Because in the junior categories, he was genuinely one of the quickest guys I went up against. I think his potential is much greater than what some people have seen.

first of all, some BEAUTIFUL toeing-the-line from oscar here. he’s even more subtle than alex in that none of his words imply any sort of passive aggression or ill intent; the only emotion that’s really conveyed, in understated tones, is a mild perplexity about logan’s career and failure in general as opposed to its gut-wrenching end in question. the implications in his wording imply nothing more than a personal opinion, but the ambiguity itself is some massive shade. let’s take a closer look:

much more difficult for him than maybe i expected it to be- this is masterful. “yeah, that’s right. i’m the next-gen prodigal superstar talent with my future as a world champion pretty much written for me, and i’ve shown the skill to back it up, and not only did i know logan before the catastrophe of f1 but i regarded him with so much respect that i had actual expectations. his skill had become such an intertwined part of his character in my eyes that i just assumed things would go so much better. because i believed in him.”

his potential was much greater than what was on show in f1…- toeing the line again. balance. acknowledging both the reality and all the roads not taken. “i’m not making false claims. i’m not making excuses for him. i’m not blaming the car or the team or the lack of support or the disgrace or the mistreatment and i’m not challenging the results. i’m not talking about what happened, i’m talking about what could’ve happened. potential. i’m talking about everything that wasn’t on show– and by not on show i mean that his potential, his skill, his pace, him as a person was not seen or understood or respected or prioritized by anyone. i’m not saying ‘oh, one point in 36 starts is all anyone could do with x/y/z excuse’ i’m saying ‘you guys missed the point’.”

for whatever reason that might be/just a shame that, for whatever reason- fucking hell, this is harsh. this is practically an attack. “i’m not gonna make excuses, but i’m gonna leave this open. i’m not gonna call this bad luck or the way it goes sometimes or a bad break, i’m saying that Whatever Reason This Happened is not what should have happened. not a matter of chance or objective misfortune; this situation could have and should have worked out better and whatever obstacle got in the way of that was a matter of misjudgment.”

I know firsthand, being his teammate in the junior categories, racing him in basically everything, I know how quick he is- alex said something similar, about pace. “raw speed” he calls it. and it’s really interesting that his teammates, who learn firsthand about him as a racer, his driving style, his strengths, his weaknesses (whether they’ve been teammates for months or years) identify a specific trait/skill about logan rather than just making the empty claim that “he’s good” or “he’s better than this”. and this is very interesting coming from oscar in particular given his current teammate. lando isn’t the best starter or the best defender or the most coordinated overtaker, but even with all the areas he needs to work on he can still compensate for it by being really fucking fast. his pace is his defense; he gets clean air and boom, he’s fucking gone. obviously that’s an oversimplification but oscar directly competing against that and observing/absorbing that and bringing up the same category of skill in logan– even in flashback– can’t be overlooked. in addition: “yeah, i’ve raced against him in basically everything. you’ve watched him on tv in a backmarker team for a season or so? i’ve known him for YEARS. i know. i don’t care what you’re seeing, i’m the expert on this and i know.”

I think his potential is much greater than what some people have seen- shit, this is as close to passive aggression as he gets, but it’s still done so precisely and subtly that it’s almost an art form. i mean, leave it to oscar piastri to use the phrase “some people” and NOT make it sound like a straight up, poorly-veiled callout. try to use that in a sentence without seeming like you’re shit-talking someone, potentially in the room. this is part of the lovely passive-aggression classic: “….unlike SOME people” (sometimes while staring at them directly, depending on how passive you want the passive aggression to really be. so, he’s (in unofficial terms) calling out who– anyone who hasn’t seen logan’s potential. who have underestimated him. who have invalidated his situation and him as an athlete. this could be any category of haters– negative fans, petty journalists, the horrid type of reports who will ask questions like “what does it feel like to be the slowest driver in formula 1…”. and that would make perfect sense. almost perfect. if we thought oscar piastri paid any attention to the haters, his own or anyone else’s. if it was ever on his mind. so, people who haven’t seen his potential… what, like, team principals? the ambiguity in itself is simultaneously a direct implication and oscar piastri’s intelligence needs to be studied because it is sometimes terrifying.

oscar doesn’t make a statement on social media, doesn’t bring it up further, doesn’t make any sort of personal goodbye available to the media– of course he wouldn’t, not just because that’s incredibly private but also because he’s oscar and he’s basically kimi raikkonen (in this analogy lando is sunshine boy seb but that’s an idea for another post). oscar’s whole public image is that he doesn’t want to have a public image. he doesn’t give the media any more parts of himself than he’s contractually obligated to. what he does give is concise, serious, the strongest points in the fewest words. and because of the enigmatic, tantalizing nature of that approach paired with the fact that he’s a fucking brilliant driver, people listen to what he has to say.

so oscar has a lot more weight to throw around than alex. alex’s image is that he’s a cuddly sunshiney cat dad who is a living anomaly in that he’s a good driver and a total sweetheart at once. whether or not what he says comes from the heart (it does. he’s alex) the reaction can always be “awww look at alex he’s such a nice guy :)” and the focus is on the kindness of the gesture/praise/respect itself rather than what alex is actually saying. so if alex says logan had more potential, that’s alex being alex.

if oscar says logan had more potential, that’s a fucking statement. and if the media wasn’t coming for JV’s head at this point, oscar just gave them a diagram for how to build a guillotine.

beautiful.

[boinin]

Batten down the hatches: Rin's ego is about to land

The latest chapters show Rin playing with an unfamiliar aura: what looks like swirling rivulets of water.

This represents the refinement of his ego and playstyle since the under-20 match. But what exactly are they going for with the swirling water? Here's my two cents.

Rin is strongly associated with water, specifically the sea. He grew up by the coast; he and Sae shared a love of watching the sunset over the water after training together. Those childhood memories are turbulent now, like dark clouds on the ocean's horizon.

It's here he realises that he can no longer play the puppetmaster football that helped him thrive in Blue Lock. As good as he is, it wasn't authentic... and it's nowhere near where he needs to be to compete with his brother, or even Isagi.

Rin's flow state is the most unique out of any others we've seen. Let's dig into it. All panels are from the official translation, which is important as the translation choices are 1) consistent and 2) likely chosen carefully.

In the dying moments of the match, Rin complains about feeling restrained. Being Itoshi Rin is eating him alive.

Cool, calm and aloof.

A genius. Prodigy. Puppetmaster.

Team player. Team captain.

Isagi Yoichi's partner. Shidou Ryuusei's rival.

Itoshi Sae's little brother.

The prospect of defeat rudely wakes him up. His pretence comes crashing down hard, triggered by his ineffectiveness in spite of the teammates around him. It's one of the best rugpulls in sports manga.

When the power of friendship comes knocking, Itoshi Rin tells it to fuck off and die.

What a glorious moment... and not just because it posits Rin as a Uchiha Sasuke kinnie. I prompt you to examine his eyes in this panel.

They're a swirling vortex of hate and destruction, befitting Blue Lock's angstiest character. The shape reminds me of this:

Satellite images of Hurricane Franklin and Hurricane Idalia, August 2023. Image credit: NOAA Satellites.

Rin's true ego, which he unleashes against Sae, is a storm.

Optional soundtrack for the rest of this post (because Rin 100% listens to this once it comes out in Blue Lock's universe).

Although it isn't portrayed visually as such in the under-20 arc, the metaphor fits Rin's evolving playstyle. What is more destructive, more uncontrollable, more senseless than a hurricane? A violent force of nature that we can predict but never avert?

When a storm approaches, all we can do is rank it, track it, then attempt to mitigate the inevitable damage.

In football terms? Sounds a lot like playing Rin.

It's even alluded to in chapter 250: the graphics for Rin's formation are similar to the satellite images of large storms.

Within the U20 match, there are exchanges that support this theory. Darai calls Rin's evolving playstyle arrogant and avaricious. The latter (meaning extreme greed) is evocative of a force that pursues what it wants without regard for anything in its surroundings. What it can't have, it destroys.

Niou is confident enough in his physicality to try withstand his opponent's attrack. Rin literally flips him into the air. Niou's hubris brings to mind all man-made constructs which are supposedly storm-proof... until a cyclone comes along and proves otherwise.

The contrast between Rin and Sae's egos are interesting. If we accept Rin's is a storm, i.e. a destructive force of nature that cannot be controlled, Sae's is the opposite despite being as impossible to defy. Sae's motif is defined in the manga as "beautiful destruction", plays and passes depicted in graceful data strings. Rather than natural, his playstyle is sleek and controlled, and dominant to the point of appearing pre-ordained by his opponents.

Their attitudes are equally different. While Rin drools and loses composure in the final minutes, Sae does little more than raise his eyebrows throughout the entire game. He's completely emotionless.

It's the extremes of human nature: animalistic rage versus robotic detachment. This time, the latter wins. Will Rin have an opportunity to face his brother again, with a better grasp on his ego? Here's hoping.

My final thoughts on Rin are speculative. How does one beat a storm? Not just endure—but subdue and calm one?

It's beyond human capability. The ability to control the weather exists only in myth and fantasy, and even then it's usually in the hands of powerful entities, not mere heroes or wizards.

Subduing something as powerful as a hurricane would require a god.

Is this Isagi and Rin's endgame?

Time will tell.

[sylvia-plaths-fig-pie]

The Games We Play ♡ Luke Alvez

Pairing: luke alvez x fem!reader

Cw: no use y/n, mentions of Canon typical violence, probably strays far from cannon but the vibes are there, luke being a himbo, reader being intelligent (as you should) .

Trope: friends/coworkers to lovers

Word count: idk maybe 1k?

Summary: after a long case you school Spencer Reid on the plane back playing chess and you try to convince luke to play. It's only when luke is driving you home that he reveals that he's never played before...

♡♡♡♡♡

"And that's checkmate." You moving your queens knight into the closing position. Spencer look at you confused for what must have been the 5th time on the flight back from the last case.

"How?!" He questioned, slightly outraged by his loosing streak.

You bit back a simile as you looked at him, "would now be a good time to mention I was a 'chess prodigy' growing up...?"

"So was I but-"

"Spencer, I was British chess champion was I was 16 years old and competed in the world championships several times before flying to the US and joining the fbi..." you confessed, smiling at your childhood achievements. Spencer was an intelligent wonder kid, but he wasn't a chess grand master and he didn't have several chess titles, not like you.

"I think that's your signal to quick while your behind," luke commented from beside you, biting back a laugh as he looked at Spencer sulking. "I'm sure you could beat her at noughts and crosses?"

You rolled your eyes at his comment. He probably wasn't wrong, but still you liked the idea of winning, especially after the lengthy case that you just closed.

It was a collection of several murders of young girls and their dogs, with alot of mutilation, far too much for your average serial killer. You managed to close it, but not after weeks of sleepless nights and too many casualties for your liking.

"I'll have to pass on that game," you say before Spencer can try to convince you to play noughts and crosses. "But alvez, your the last one left that I haven't played," you say turning to look at the brunet who's eyes were already fixed on your own, "what do you say? I'll go easy on you I promise."

"Hell no!" He laughed, but you could tell there was somthing else that he wasn't saying. You were a profiler so you were generally pretty good at reading people, but with luke it was almost like you could read his mind and vise versa. You didn't just know eachother, you understood one another. Most days that was a comfort in this line of work, but sometimes it was terrifying.

It scared you that someone could know you so completely without having to tell them. It scared you that you saw luke as more than just a colleague and friend, it scared you that while he understood you he probably didn't feel the same. It was torture.

But you had to be professional. Which is why you didn't press why he didn't want to play and chalked it down to him wanting to keep his pride. However it didn't stop you from drifting asleep with your head on his shoulder when Spencer tried to analyse your previous chess game. Platonic friends can fall asleep on eachothers shoulders, right?

♡♡♡

As the plane landed you began to stir as luke gently nudged you.

"Wake up princess," he whispered in your ear.

"Shut up, I'm up," you mumbled as you got up, feigning annoyance at the nickname. It was pointless in front of a group of profilers, who could probably all could tell that you had a bit of a thing for luke and actually enjoyed the nickname, but your pride wouldn't allow you to admit to any if it.

"Let me drive you home." He says as you're walking of the plane. "Your tired, its probably not a good idea if you drive right now."

Usually you would argue, make some excuse, but you took the buss to work and we'll the buss after 10pm for a woman wasn't exactly a safe place, even if you took down serial killers for a living. So you agreed to a totally platonic friend driving another friend home after a long day.

"Why don't you want to play chess with me?" You asked once luke began driving down the farmiliar roads to your apartment. You weren't going to ask, really you weren't, but curiosity got the best of you.

"I didn't want to get my ass handed to me like everyone else," he laughed, but once again there was somthing else, somthing hidden. He didn't look at you, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.

"Luke?" You questioned, "you know you can tell me, right?"

He was quiet for a moment, changing the gears of the car, the radio loosing signal briefly.

"Promise you won't laugh?" He asked quietly, he seemed vulnerable, almost sacred.

You nodded, "not unless it's an embassading childhood story."

He laughed then, the tension in the air easing.

"Okay," he nodded, pulling up outside your apartment complex, pausing before he spoke. "I don't know how..."

He didn't look at you, his eyes were fixed on the road even though he had just parked.

You placed your hand on his knee.

It broke your heart that he felt embarrassed saying it. It didn't even occur to you that he wouldn't know. You'd just assumed he knew because he was intelligent. But that doesn't matter if no one has taught you how to play.

He looked at you then, vulnerable. He thought you would think he was stupid, as if he wasn't one of the smartest people you had ever met. As if he wasn't so talented and kind and not to mention beautiful inside and out.

"I can teach you." You mumber quietly, "you would be good at it, all you need to know are the basics. Not that you need to learn, I just think it would be fun to play with you." You similed before over thinking your last few words. "Chess" You amended, "playing chess with you."

He laughed at your fumble. You just grew redder. Now it was your turn to be embarrassed.

Luke placed his hand over yours, finally turning to face you with his beautiful smile. You grew redder again, this time not because of embarrassment.

"You would do that?" He asked, smiling more widely.

"Of course! I love chess and showing the beauty of it to someone that I love honestly is the dream. Platonically of course, not that you would think any differently I love you platonically. Not that you would think otherwise, obviously. I love you platonically. Not beacuse your unattractive. Your very attractive don't worry, not that you would, I mean look at you. Sorry I didn't mean like that I just ment... in a coworkers way you know? Sorry I'l stop now thanks for driving me home." Your hands covered your face, too embarrassed to look at luke.

He began to laugh. You wanted to die. Why on earth did you just say all of that? Honestly sometimes you felt as though your mouth ran 1000% faster than your brain when you were tired out from a long case.

"For someone so intellectual you can be so stupid princess," his hand left yours and tilted your chin to face him,as your hands fell from your face.

"What do you-?"

You began to question, but you couldn't finnish. Not that you wanted to anyways. Likes head diped forward and cut you off with a kiss. Slow, almost as though he was testing to make sure that this is what you really wanted. He didn't want to push you.

The kiss ended far to quickly. You wanted more, you needed more.

"I ment that in a 'non platonic' way, I mean it in a 'I find you very attractive' way, just incase you needed clarification." He laughed bashgully as he lingered only inches away from your face.

This time it was you who made the move, grabbing his face and pulling him into you. you flushed your lips against his as he reciprocated just as strongly. It felt right. It felt like this moment was overdue. you were falling deeper into his grasp. His arms snaked around your waist, pulling you as close as he could in the car as you saw stars behind your eyelids.

"Do you want to come inside?" You asked finnally pulling away, he quirked an eyebrow at you. "To play chess?" You defended, although it didn't take a profiler to work out what you really ment.

"I'll come inside, but I can't promise that I'll play chess."

"Oh?"

Oh?

"What can I say... I much prefer princesses to queen's and King's, besides I'm far too impatient right now for chess. I've been waiting for this moment for far too long."

[cher-rei]

love song ♬— chapter 5 [ J.M ]

pairing: jamal musiala x fem!oc

summary [please read]

genre(s): strangers to lovers, fluff, angst and sports romance [love song playlist]

[w.c: 3k] masterlist

notes: cutie piesss. that's what they are. omw and the next chapter is gonna he super domestic too shut uppp

previous chapter | next chapter

“wow, you're all decked out, spider-nerd,” aaliyah said and turned to look at noelle as she entered the living room, looking as if she was about to head to comicon.

with a proud smile, noellle showed off her spiderman zip up hoodie, a vintage blue and red spiderman t-shirt which she definitely thrifted and a pair of washed denim jeans. to a stranger it would seem that she'd been preparing for this moment her entire life.

which wasn't technically true. she didn't flinch at aaliyah's “spider-nerd” nickname, not when she saw it as a compliment, an accomplishment.

when sophia walked in she didn't even bat an eye, simply patting noelle's shoulders before sitting down on the sofa. “this isn't even bad. when we still lived in london, there was a day that she skipped school because the cinema was doing a rerun of the amazing spiderman. all three movies.”

the look of shock on aaliyah's face was comical, a scoff of disbelief leaving her mouth while noelle simply shrugged. “noelle braun, you start shaking when you accidentally jump a red light.”

she didn't fight however, and held her chin up. “I have no regrets,” the last thing she said before sliding away on her socks, leaving her friends to laugh as they finished up getting ready.

when they got to the cinema, the boys were already there and occupied with their own conversation. but soon the attention was on them, calls of approval from florian and kai rang through the air at noelle's outfit.

“you're seriously committing to this,” florian commented, impressed with her dedication to a simple movie.

a smile of pride tugged at her lips as she gave everyone a twirl to show off her full outfit. “I gotta represent.”

as they made their way over to get their snacks the conversation continued, this time the highlight happened to be the red light that noelle jumped in fear of being late (they were 30 minutes early). she couldn't catch a break, just when aaliyah mentioned that she wasn't a fan of breaking street rules.

“hey,” she put her up her hands in defence. “one little red light never killed anyone. the road was empty.”

kai raised an eyebrow at her excuse. “one little red light? you're like a racing prodigy— of questionable life choices.”

the jab didn't phase her, neither did their banter. noelle had known kai just as long as she'd known sophia, their sibling like relationship always bringing a smile to his girlfriend's face. “at least I'm consistent. I'm just living life on the edge.”

“the edge being the line between green and red?”

the group erupted into laughter, their banter filling the cinema lobby but noelle just shrugged. eventually aaliyah intervened, ready to defend her friend. “hey, no teasing noelle. she's just embracing her inner speed demon.”

“more like inner speed bump,” florian deadpanned, earning a look from noelle and before anything could happen sophia pushed them further into the line so that they could finally order their snacks.

everyone got their combos as per normal but aaliyah made sure to clarify that noelle didn't want popcorn, which raised some confusion in jamal who had been silent for a bit, still upset that this was a group activity.

he raised an eyebrow. “how can you not like popcorn?”

the question made her pout. “just not my thing.”

from ahead of them florian scoffed, not too fond of the idea of not eating popcorn

while watching a movie. “that’s like watching spiderman without the webs.”

the younger girl rolled her eyes. “I'll survive.”

the vip movie theater was surprisingly empty, causing jamal to internally jump up in triumph. this was exactly what he wanted. the seats were separated, two recliners and a table with nearly a metre of space between the others.

nothing was said as they stepped in besides the silent look of significance that was shared between the three footballers, followed by nods.

they stalled finding their seats, waiting until noelle sat down, which took longer than expected because she was awkwardly hopping in between the open spaces and then looking at the screen before moving on to the next row.

“what are you doing?” jamal asked in genuine confusion, his brows furrowing.

“I'm finding the perfect spot. I need to sit somewhere where I won't have to strain my neck or my eyes… here!” she exclaimed, settling into her chosen seat.

with that, the rest of the group found their seats with jamal next to noelle just as planned. “spider-nerd needs optimal viewing conditions,” kai teased, earning a playful shove on the arm from his girlfriend.

she was strange. that was jamal's initial thought— funny in her own way. she did things a certain way, had certain preferences that differed from most but it made her attractive. and what he learnt throughout the movie was that she was a lot geekier than he originally thought.

she spoke throughout the movie— her hushed whispers commenting on certain scenes and details that he didn't catch. she even took the liberty of explaining the base of the spiderman lore to him.

Iit got to the point where he would ask questions just to have her explain it to him. she would turn in her seat to look at him, her attention occasionally directing back to the big screen while her friends whisper-yelled at her to be quiet.

“the spider-verse is collapsing,” she muttered, more to herself. “the spider-totems, the web of life… it's all connected.”

jamal leaned in, his face inches from noelle but she didn't seem to care in that moment. “what's happening?” (he knew exactly what was happening)

noelle's explanation poured out in a rush, her excitement filled eyes glued to the screen. “the spider-totems are destabilising the spider-verse. each spider-person has a unique frequency, and when they intersect, it creates a rift.”

there were so many things running through jamal's mind at that moment. so many things that he couldn't say out loud for so many different reasons. he was entranced to say the least, eyes unintentionally dropping to her lips as she spoke. of course, he had to swallow those words and keep the interaction as pg as possible.

he cleared his throat, sinking further into his seat. “you're like a spider-verse encyclopaedia.”

noelle smiled at the compliment, waving him off. it was quiet for a moment again until her hand flew to grab jamal's hand to gain his attention— her excitement blocking out her consciousness. “oh, look.”

he didn't look because what the hell was stopping him from intertwining there fingers??

“thats’s the web of life. it's the interconnected web of spider-people across dimensions. each strand represents a life, and when one breaks, the entire web unravels–”

she was interuppted by aaliyah shushing her from the row in front of them, but jamal silenced her with a gestare, the girl's lips parting in shock at the audacity. “let her finish,” he mouthed, and she turned back to the front.

from the row in front, florian nudged his girlfriend who was plotting jamal's murder. “jamal’s got that ‘I'm-listening-to-you-and-only-you’ face.”

aaliyah scoffed in amusement and took another look at the two behind them, having a ball of a time. “I give them five minutes before discussing the merits of spiderman's web shooters.”

from in front of them sophia snickered, taking the liberty to get up and join them on the floor to enter the conversation with kai flowing after her. “we should start a betting pool— how long before he asks noelle about the difference between dc and marvel.”

their hushed whispers and laughter continued as they discussed the situation, looking back at the two every so often but they were stuck in the same position— with jamal nodding along to whatever noelle was saying. it was all jokes from there but aaliyah felt off.

she knew noelle, and just a few days ago she wasn't too happy about what happened at the training session. “guys, can I ask you something?” she asked, her voice just above a whisper.

the three of them nodded, more than ready to conspire. “noelle's been off lately. she's been doing really well with him, but… something feels off.”

kai frowned. “what do you mean?”

“she's a naturally guarded person, we know this but she's realising that she's becoming more comfortable and friendly with jamal.”

florian pulled a face at her statement. he understood what she meant about being guarded, it took noelle a week after meeting florian to tell him her last name. an entire week for something that wasn't even important.

the group went on to discuss the possibility of her pulling away from jamal and doing a full 180. sophia looked back at the two of them again, her laugh stifled as she watched them go through some sort of handshake, noelle stopping jamal and asking him to try again between her laughter.

“man, she's got this look in her eyes when she talks. it's like her face lights up.”

“oh boy, here we go again,” kai sighed in irritation as they entered the camp, his head pounding with the sound of jamal’s voice talking about noelle.

the entire car ride back, it's all that he talked about. he kept on talking about “special” she was, but kai and florian couldn't back him up. they've known her for years, and have seen sides of noelle that haunted them— how groggy and mean she could be when she was tired and having caffeine withdrawal, and how easy it was for her to zone out during conversations.

that was just the surface of it. noelle was what they called a tough cookie. she had her moods, she needed reassurance and comfort because of how often she overthought certain situations. and jamal found her rambling and hard working nature attractive but he never experienced how it could break her.

she was like a volcano. with emotions that shifted like the wind. one moment, she'd be effervescent, her eyes sparkling with passion and the next she'd be disconnected and lost in thought.

despite her tough exterior, she was vulnerable and guarded. even if it didn't seem like that right now.

no.elle

liked by sophiaamealia and 213 332 others

no.elle i dig the whole "spider-nerd' thing 🕷

view all comments below

liyah babe that lighting white washed you so bad 😭

→ no.elle no shut up, I tried to fix it!!

spamjam._. need the link to that hoodie yesterday

→ no.elle of courseee xx how's the euro tour going so far?

→ spamjam._. I can't say any of the words that I want to say here 😃

→ no.elle well that's just great! (manifesting that germany plays england so that we can meet up)

→ spamjam._. 🕯🕯🕯

it was about 20 minutes into the first half of the germany and denmark match in dortmund and barely anything had happened apart from the expansion of the darker clouds in the sky, and the droplets that noelle chose to ignore. the wind had started to pick up as well, but there was nothing more to do than to endure it.

eventually, the rain worsened and it started pouring. thunder clapped in the distance, the bright strike of lighting hitting only seconds before. sophia jumped up at the sound and reached for noelle's free hand, a giggle leaving her lips at the situation.

“petition to go home?” she asked jokingly and aaliyah lightly shoved her, glad to see that she was slowly regaining her colour.

another clap of thunder sounded, and the referee's whistle as well which earned mixed reactions from the crowd. apparently they were checking to see if an intermission was necessary due to the weather interference.

a decision wasn't even made yet but the storm had worsened, the players having no choice but to stay on the pitch, drenched. water was pouring from the gutters, the supporters taking the liberty to enjoy the atmosphere and make the most of it.

“up, up, up,” aaliyah hurriedly said, indicating that they were going to head to the family booth so that they could dry off. the game was going to be suspended until further notice, which was unfortunate because it was 10 minutes before half time.

the three girls looked up at the sky for another moment, their jaws dropping sight of the strikes of lighting striking through the clouds. noelle couldn't move, it was too captivating. her friends thought the same, their phones out to capture the moment as they stood on top of the stands, nearby the exit.

the pitch was empty, both teams had been sent to their dressing rooms but some had other priorities. noelle was the first to feel a tug at her hand, pulling her backwards into the shelter of the building only to realise that sophia and aaliyah were already gone.

“I'd prefer if you didn't get struck by lighting,” the familiar voice said and when she turned around, jamal was standing in front of her, drenched and out of breath.

noelle's heart skipped a beat as she met jamal’s concerned gaze. his eyes sparkled with amusement, despite the chaos around them.

“thanks for saving me from myself,” she said, out of breath and slightly taken back.

jamal's smile widened, his lips curling upward. “I'm starting to think that you need a permanent bodyguard.”

she playfully rolled her eyes at his comment, following him to the family booth where her friends were warming up. when they entered the booth, sophia and aaliyah were quick to rush to her side, concern etched on their faces.

jamal took a step to the side, watching as aaliyah took noelle by the shoulders. “since when do you let go of my hand in public places?” the apprehension in her tone was amusing, and made noelle stifle a laugh.

“sorry, mum” she replied jokingly with an eye roll. “the lighting was going off like crazy.”

aaliyah rolled her eyes, sophia taking the liberty to thank jamal, who waved her off. “no problem. besides, I couldn't let my favourite psych student get struck by lightning.”

noelle's cheeks flushed, her friends’ confused but curious eyes drifting to her, their smiles mocking her. “you're really milking that, aren't you?”

not long after, kai and florian entered the room with relived sighs to see that sophia and aaliyah were okay. there was still enough time until the game continued, so they spent it chatting and warming up.

most people were familiar post *insert situation* clarity. that gut-wrenching feeling and pit of realisation that settles in after coming down from a high, or just any good feeling. at that moment, while everyone was laughing and comfortable she felt herself drift.

it was an outer body experience.

noelle's gaze drifted away from the laughter-filled room, her mind disconnecting from the warmth and camaraderie. the sounds of her friends' voices faded into a distant hum, like a radio dial tuned to a distant station.

a jolting shock spiked through her body, up her spine and through every nerve, pulling her back down from the suffocating cloud she was on. with a deep breath her eyes blinked to regain awareness of her surroundings— jamal, kai and florian getting up to leave, seeing as they were needed back in the dressing room and aaliyah and sophia laughing.

“please be careful,” sophia's gentle voice sounded and she placed a kiss on kai's cheek. “everytime you slip on the pitch aaliyah and noelle laugh like it's their last day alive.”

her comment alone made aaliyah laugh again, hitting florian on the back as she did so. he tried to walk away, to break free from the torture but she managed to pull him back into a bone breaking hug. “stay dry on the bench, okay?”

although her tone was maternal, it was obvious that it was meant to be backhanded and jab him which it did of course. without another word, kai pulled his friends back into the corridor, his bidding goodbye drowning out florian's cries of protest.

they stayed in the booth for the remainder of the match because the rain outside was not in anyway appealing. the match was slow, yet somewhat electric as usual. germany emerged victorious once again, 2-0 thanks to jamal and kai.

the stadium was ecstatic, their country now into the quarter final with more hope than ever before. and even as noelle stepped onto the soaking pitch with a light drizzle in the air, the supporters didn't care and continued to celebrate underneath the stadium lights.

“ah! you did it!” sophia squealed and leapt into kai's arms with a beaming smile.

noelle pulled a face of disgust at the couple. “ew, can you not do that in front– ah! what the hell flo?!”

“I'm giving you some affection,” the footballer said and tightened his grip on her, a cunning smile on his face as she tried to fight him off.

noelle scoffed at the answer, knowing that he just wanted to wet her clothes since he was already soaked. she resorted to jabbing him in defence but he was stubborn, violently swaying their bodies to the side.

“liyah!” she called out in desperation. “he won't let go! flo I swear to god I will bite you.”

aaliyah didn't bat an eye at the situation and simply waved the two off and carried on with her conversation with a few of the other family members on the pitch. noelle could practically feel the water seeping in through her jersey, a desperate fight for comfort not reigning.

“I'm just sharing my love with you,” florian said with a smile, his mocking tone making noelle whine as she continued to struggle.

“I don't want your love,” she shot back, a slight laugh escaping her lips and before she could fight anymore, his grip loosened on her.

with sly grin and the sight of his friend walking up to them after talking to their coach, florian took hold of noelle's arm. “you're right, you don't want my love.” and with one harsh shove, “you want jamal's.” she landed on jamal's chest.

noelle stumbled, her eyes shut at the impact. florian’s mischievous grin lingered in the background, clearly please with himself as he skipped over to his girlfriend.

“hi, to you to?” jamal joked with a lighthearted chuckle, his hands draped around her shoulders to hold her in place.

she mentally cursed herself and tried not to focus on the proximity or the sound of her heart violently pounding in her ears. she let out an apologetic sigh, not having the courage to look up at him.

“sorry for the tackle.” she rolled her eyes. “your friend's a walking migraine.”

jamal's chuckle deepened, his cheeks a flush of dusty pink that he ignored very well. his demeanour was calm and to any other person it would look like he didn't think much of the situation. “he's just trying to spread the love… and chaos on occasion.”

noelle stifled a laugh, finally craning her neck slightly to look up at jamal. “I think he enjoys watching me suffer more than kai.”

there was silence for a beat until her eyes flickered with genuine fear and dread. “you're not going to shove me at anyone else, right?”

a hearty laugh vibrated through his chest and she could feel it so close to her own. this was undeniably the closest she's ever gotten to man. the feeling was strange but… nice? it was comforting, lighthearted, to be this close to him and still have a conversation.

jamal shook his head and pretended to think for a moment, leaving noelle to worry slightly and prepare to be tossed back to florian. “no, actually I think I'll keep you here.” he relaxed his grip around her shoulders. “you're really warm.”

noelle's heart skipped a beat. her lips parting in shock as her smile faltered for a moment, their gazes locked. “you're kidding. you can't even handle a little rain?”

a mock gasp left his mouth. “I can handle rain. I just prefer warm, dry women.”

her eyebrows shot up in shock, her body relaxing against his. “warm, dry women?” she repeated. “that's your type?”

“yeah. it's a niche market.”

as they stood together, the stadium's vibrant atmosphere faded into the background, leaving only the two of them, suspended in a bubble of intimacy. noelle's heart still skipped a beat from jamal's words, her lips parted in surprise. his gaze held hers, sparkling with mischief and warmth.

the chill of the rainy evening dissipated, replaced by the gentle heat radiating from his body. she felt her tension melt away, her shoulders relaxing into his grasp.

this proximity was unfamiliar, yet strangely comforting. noelle's experiences with men were limited to kai and florian's playful teasing, but jamal's gentle, lighthearted manner put her at ease.

as they stood there, the sounds of celebration and laughter swirled around them, but noelle's focus remained on him. his eyes crinkled at the corners, his smile softening.

the stadium lights cast a golden glow on his features, accentuating the sharp lines of his face. noelle's gaze drifted to his lips, her pulse quickening.

she felt herself drifting into uncharted territory, the connection between them growing stronger with each passing moment. her instincts whispered warnings, but her heart overrode them, savoring the warmth and closeness.

jamal's hands, still draped around her shoulders, seemed to anchor her to reality. his touch sent shivers down her spine, yet she felt grounded, protected.

the world around them blurred, leaving only the gentle pressure of his hands, the warmth of his body, and the captivating sparkle in his eyes.

noelle's thoughts whirled, struggling to keep pace with her emotions. she couldn't deny the connection between them, the sense of belonging that settled within her.

as the moments ticked by, noelle realized she didn't want to pull away. for the first time, she felt like she was exactly where she was meant to be.

the uncertainty was exhilarating, the thrill of the unknown coursing through her veins like adrenaline. noelle's heart soared, her senses heightened, as she let herself drift deeper.

[winxanity-ii]

⌜I Love, Robot | Chapter 02 Chapter 02 | history. . . loading⌟

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Over the next few years, things began to change. You noticed the distance between you and Rain growing, the once-strong bond you shared slowly fraying like the worn-out edges of an old blanket.

It wasn't something you could put your finger on at first, just a creeping sense of separation that settled in your chest whenever you caught sight of her from across the room.

You'd see her more often now with the colony kids, laughing and chatting, a bright spark among the worn and weary.

At first, you were happy to see her connecting with others, but then you realized she was spending more time with them than she was with you.

It hurt, but you understood. She needed friends her own age, a distraction from the hardships that seemed to hover over all of your lives like a dark cloud.

You were about 19, maybe 20, when everything took a darker turn. You'd been freelancing for a while—small jobs that kept you under the radar, nothing too flashy.

That was until a desperate small business, teetering on the edge of collapse, sought your skills.

You were hesitant, but the pay was decent, and the work seemed straightforward enough: hacking into some old systems, unlocking what was needed to keep them afloat.

And it was a success. Or at least, you thought it was.

But success came with consequences. You didn't realize you’d been tracked, not until someone with far more power than you could fathom found you.

They came to you with an ultimatum, their voice smooth but with an undercurrent of steel that sent a chill down your spine: work for them, take on any job they needed, or they’d turn you over to Weyland-Yutani.

You knew what that meant. You'd seen enough to understand the company didn’t tolerate dissent, especially from a former prodigy with a name they hadn't forgotten.

That's when your life took a dangerous path. You agreed to their terms, the fear of what could happen if you didn't outweighing any hesitation.

The jobs started simple but quickly escalated. Hacking turned into more complex coding, cracking into secure systems, sometimes even building or reprogramming androids and bots—a skill you honed under Marcus's watchful eye.

The pay was good, better than anything you could have made in the colony, and for a while, it seemed worth it.

But it wasn't just the money that kept you going. The promise of protection from other dangerous groups, black-market dealers who might see your skills as a threat, was a lifeline you couldn’t ignore.

To protect Rain and her family, your small, adopted family, you began staying out later, sometimes disappearing for days at a time. At first, Marcus and his wife were upset, worried about your well-being and what could be keeping you away.

Rain, especially, couldn't understand why you'd suddenly become so distant, why you weren't around as much. Her confusion and hurt were plain to see, and it tore at you in ways you couldn't explain.

Marcus eventually eased up on the questioning after he found you one night in the throes of a particularly bad meltdown. You'd come home after a job went sideways—something you hadn't anticipated, a system you couldn't crack in time, and the fallout had been brutal.

You couldn't tell Marcus what had happened, not exactly, but he didn’t push. He simply sat with you in the dim light of the kitchen, his presence a steady, calming force as you tried to pull yourself back together.

"If you ever need to talk," he'd said softly, his voice thick with the kind of understanding only someone who’d lived through hardship could have, "I'm here. You know that, right?"

You nodded, though you knew you'd never burden him with the weight of what you were involved in. This was a part of your life you'd chosen to keep to yourself, a dark secret that had become a necessary evil. And even though you trusted Marcus, you couldn't bring yourself to let him in on this one truth.

But life has a cruel way of taking away the things you hold dear, doesn't it?

Just a few weeks after your 21st birthday, Marcus and his wife fell ill. The colony's cold, damp air had always been harsh, but the pneumonia they caught from the mines was unlike anything they'd faced before.

You watched helplessly as the sickness took hold, their bodies weakened by years of toil in the toxic conditions of Jackson Star. It was like watching your own parents waste away all over again—a slow, painful decline that left you feeling powerless and lost.

Rain was a mess, her normally bright, fiery spirit dulled by the looming reality of losing her parents. She tried to stay strong, but you could see the cracks forming in her armor.

You did everything you could to help, taking over the household duties, scrounging for medicine, anything to ease their suffering, but deep down, you knew there was nothing that could be done.

The disease had sunk its claws in too deep.

One night, as you sat by Marcus's bedside, his breathing ragged and shallow, he reached out, his hand weak but insistent. You took it, holding on tightly, just like you had with your own father all those years ago. The weight of his grip was lighter than you remembered, his strength all but gone.

"Y/N…" he rasped, his voice barely audible over the sound of his labored breaths. "Take care of her… take care of Rain…"

Tears welled in your eyes as you nodded, unable to speak. "I will..." you whispered, your voice breaking. "...I promise."

He smiled faintly, a shadow of his old, warm smile. "Good… that's… good…"

You stayed with him until the end, just as you had with your parents. And when the time came, when the house fell silent except for the soft sobs of Rain and the hollow echo of your own grief, you knew that once again, you were left holding onto the pieces of a shattered life.

And this time, you would do whatever it took to keep Rain safe.

No matter what.

☆

☆

Three years had passed since your adoptive parents' death, and in that time, life had only grown more complicated. You returned from your latest job—a grueling five-day ordeal that left you exhausted and hollow inside.

This time, you'd been tasked with hacking into Weyland-Yutani's high-security network, retrieving files that exposed a chilling directive: in moments of crisis, their synthetics were programmed to prioritize the company's assets over human lives, all under the guise of logical probability.

The job paid well, enough to secure you and Rain's needs for the next six months, but the price was high.

The screams and pleas of employees who’d been betrayed by the very machines meant to protect them echoed in your mind, refusing to let go. You tried to shake the images away as you made your way through the dim, narrow corridors of the small home you shared with Rain.

Entering the room, you found her curled up on your bed, her small frame wrapped around your pillow, her face buried into the soft fabric as she slept. You approached quietly, the soft sound of your footsteps barely audible over the hum of the heating unit.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, you reached out and gently brushed your fingers through her hair. Rain instinctively leaned into your touch, a small sigh escaping her lips as she snuggled deeper into your pillow.

A soft smile tugged at your lips, though your heart felt heavy. Watching her sleep so peacefully, so unaware of the horrors you'd just witnessed, was both a comfort and a curse.

You knelt beside her, continuing to stroke her hair, trying to silence the panicked screams still echoing in your mind. Just as you began to lose yourself in the motion, Rain stirred.

Groggily, she opened her eyes, blinking away the remnants of sleep. She gave you a tired smile. "Hey," she mumbled, her voice thick with sleep.

"Hey," you replied softly, your smile widening despite the weight on your chest.

Rain's brow furrowed slightly as she looked up at you, sensing that something was off. "What's wrong?" she asked, her voice a little clearer, more alert.

You shook your head, stilling your hand. "Nothing," you murmured, trying to keep your voice steady. "Just go back to sleep, Rain. It's late."

She hesitated but nodded, a yawn escaping her lips as she turned over, curling up again. "Okay... But could you look over Andy?” she asked sleepily, her voice trailing off. "His eyes... something's wrong with them. He's already in the workshop, in sleep mode, waiting."

"Sure, I'll take care of him," you promised, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. She mumbled a thank you, already drifting back to sleep as you stood up and quietly made your way out of the room.

You moved through the darkened house, your steps light and measured to avoid waking Rain. Despite the pitch-black surroundings, you knew every inch of this place—every loose floorboard, every creaky door hinge.

It wasn't hard to navigate to the small workshop in the back, a space that had become both a sanctuary and a battlefield for your mind.

Without turning on the main lights, you reached for the small lamp on your workbench, flicking it on and casting a soft, warm glow over the room.

In the corner, covered by a sheet, was Andy. You pulled a rolling stool behind you as you approached, removing the sheet with a practiced motion to reveal the android beneath.

Andy's face was serene, almost peaceful in the dim light. The shadows cast by the lamp danced across his features, highlighting the sharp lines of his cheekbones and the soft curve of his lips.

Despite knowing he was a machine, you couldn't help but admire the craftsmanship—the subtle blend of human and synthetic, the way his face seemed almost too real.

You reached out, gently cupping the side of his face, your fingers tracing the contours of his jaw. His synthetic skin was cool to the touch, but familiar. Your hand moved to the side of his neck, pressing the small port to awaken him.

The change was immediate. Andy's body tensed, his right hand shooting up to grab your wrist with surprising speed and strength. His eyes flickered to life, emitting a soft glow in the darkness. "Shh, it's okay," you whispered softly, not pulling away. "Sorry to startle you."

At the sound of your voice, Andy's grip loosened, his eyes quickly focusing on you. "Y/N," he said, his voice calm and even. "You're back."

You offered him a small smile before turning to grab your diagnostics tablet. "I've only been gone for five days," you said, connecting the tablet to the port in his neck and starting the diagnostic test.

Andy blinked as if you'd made the dumbest statement ever. "Five days is more than enough time for someone to be missed."

You giggled softly at his matter-of-fact tone. "Thanks, Dee." You glanced at the screen, focusing on the data streaming in. "Rain mentioned you've been having issues with your eyes. Can you tell me more about that?"

Andy's eyes flickered for a moment before he answered. "I... I can still see, but my vision sometimes become foggy. It affecting my ability to accurately assess situations and objects."

You nodded thoughtfully, continuing to run the diagnostics as you chatted with him, your fingers moving deftly across the tablet. "I see... We'll get it sorted. So, how have things been while I was gone?"

Andy remained still, his gaze fixed on you. "Rain and I have missed you."

A warm smile tugged at your lips. "I've missed you both too." You paused, reflecting on how much had changed since the day you found Andy in that scrapyard.

Your perception of synthetics had shifted over the years.

You'd never treated them as mere machines, but having one as a constant companion had blurred the lines between man and machine.

Despite knowing he wasn't human, Andy's human-like qualities were something you cherished. They made him unique, almost... alive in a way that was hard to define.

The soft beep from the tablet pulled you back to the present. You looked down, seeing the source of the issue on the screen. "Ahh," you sighed, turning the tablet to show Andy.

The screen was filled with lines of code, complex and unintelligible to most. To anyone else, or even to an android whose primary function wasn’t related to programming, this would have been complete nonsense. But since bringing Andy back online, you'd made it your mission to always explain everything you did to him, guiding him through each process.

Part of you believed he deserved to know, a small gesture of respect for the android who had become so much more than just a machine.

But there was another reason, a darker thought that lingered in the back of your mind: the possibility that one day, you might not be around to help him.

You wanted Andy to understand his own systems and the intricacies of his coding—not just to function but to ensure he could take care of himself if the worst were ever to happen.

Andy studied the code intently, his synthetic mind processing the information with an almost human-like concentration. "There is an error in the environmental calibration subroutine," he noted, identifying part of the issue correctly.

You chuckled, impressed. "Close, Dee. But, you got most of it right." You pointed to a specific line of code. "This here—it needs an update. The last patch didn't account for the increased levels of smog and soot in the colony's air. It's affecting your visual processors."

Routine set in as you continued to work. "What is your directive, Andy?" you asked out of habit, fingers moving swiftly to implement the necessary changes.

Andy responded almost instantly. "To do what's best for Rain."

A second passed, and then he spoke again, his voice softer. "Do you ever think about changing the directive?"

You paused, fingers hovering over the screen as you looked up at him, puzzled. "What are you talking about, Dee?"

Andy hesitated for a moment, his eyes studying you with a strange intensity. "The day Marcus uploaded my directive, I remember asking him if the girl standing above me when I first came back online was Rain. He to me it was you, Y/N."

You laughed lightly, trying to lighten the mood. "Did you ask him if I was a great hacker too?"

Andy's expression remained serious, his voice steady. "No. I asked him, 'But what about what's best for Y/N?'"

Your fingers stilled on the tablet, and for a moment, you didn't know what to say. You looked up at Andy, his face soft with an expression you couldn't quite place.

A small, self-deprecating laugh escaped your lips. "What's best for me? Ha, I've never been too good at figuring that out. If I had a directive for myself, it'd probably be something like 'make everything harder than it needs to be.'"

Andy let out a low hum, his gaze unwavering. "Even if it's not my directive, just know, I'll still want what's best for you."

You blinked back the tears welling in your eyes, quickly turning your focus back to the tablet. "Thanks, Andy," you whispered, your voice barely audible. You continued your work in silence, the weight of his words settling over you like a heavy blanket.

Andy's head tilted slightly, his eyes zeroing in on your face as if committing this moment to memory. "Of course, Y/N... anytime."

The remainder of the time was spent in a comfortable silence as you finished updating his code. You leaned back with a sigh, setting your tablet down beside you. "How are you feeling now, Andy?"

The android paused for a moment, then said, "Well, it's better than before. But if my vision gets any worse, I guess you could say... my future won't be looking 'too bright'."

You just blinked at him, taken aback by the unexpected joke, before laughter bubbled out of your lips. "Was that a 'dad joke'? Where did you learn that from?"

Andy's eyes seemed to brighten, and he sat up a little straighter. "I learned it while walking Rain to work the other day," he explained. "I like them."

You chuckled, warmth spreading through your chest at the thought of Andy picking up on humor. "Well, I'll be sure to learn some more and tell you. We can make it a little hobby between the two of us."

Andy nodded earnestly, his expression softening. "I'd like that. Sharing experiences can strengthens bonds."

You couldn't help but smile at his earnestness. "You're right about that, Dee. We can even start a collection of the worst jokes we can find."

For a moment, the room felt lighter, the shadows less heavy. Andy's presence, his attempts at humor, made the grim reality outside these walls feel a little less suffocating.

It was moments like this that reminded you why you fought so hard to keep your small world safe, even when everything else seemed so uncertain.

A/N: Ahhhh! sorry for things moving thigns so fast with all the time skips, but if you're confused, by the end of this chapter You're like 24-ish and Rain is 21, i'm following fandom ages instead of rain's confirmed 25 age. also, sorry for the long 2 intro chapters, i know most would like to just jump right into the story, but my mind wont let the good stuff happen until it at least lay down the lil backstory 😭💀💀 man, i really need to learn to get over that, but anywhoooo, hope you guys like this enough, thoguh it isn't obvious, i want this to be a sort of a slow-burn, well, on the reader's end at least, lolol, Andy's gonna go full speed tbh, but then again, that's why he's a yandere here.... hope i dont bore you guys too much, but dont fret, next chapter will start immediately with the plot! also, someone asked me to make a tag list so i'll just put that down below:

Tag List: @dreamsarenicer

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Re:The Nathalie redemption.

I know sentibug gets talked about a lot but I feel like more should be said about the Shanghai special. Nathalie employed Cash to clear out the temple & get the Prodigious.

Nathalie's own character makes this a damning move.

With Gabe I could expect a careless 'whoever will do' sort of mentality. I could see him making a mistake or being naive.

Nathalie is not Gabe.

She would have known exactly the type of person Cash was. She would know exactly his means and his (lack of) limits. She sent a man after Fei and Sifu who would kill to get the job done specifically because he *would* if he had to.

Sifu wasn't a human sentimonster. He was a human. Nathalie wasn't cornered. She was acquiring power.

She even gives the Prodigious a jaunty little toss when the job is done.

This is perfect evil lieutenant behavior. It is *not* good mom for Adrien behavior.

Evil Queen Nathalie I vibe with. Soppy mommy Nathalie is a lie. TA talked about not being able to pull off a Chloé turnaround. This one is about a thousand times harder to sell.

(Post that spawned this ask.)

That's an excellent point and just further backs up my stance on Nathalie being robbed of her one true role as our evil queen! If they wanted to go with a soppy mommy character while maintaining all the secrets, then they should have just brought Emilie back with her mind wiped or something. Forcing Nathalie into the role is basically rewriting her character and I hate it!

[mageofgoobygrove]

Look After You (Baldur’s Gate 3)

A little something while I await for requests. Hope you enjoy! (8/2: i’m a dumbass, today was so unnecessarily hectic that i almost forgot to post. forgive me 🙈)

Gale Dekarios/Tav

(Featuring — Tara)

"Surely he should be here by now, Mrs. Dekarios?"

Gale almost sighed in deep relief when he heard Tara's voice. He stood outside of his tower just about to murmur the right words to unlock the front door. Because it was locked by magic rather than a mechanism, it took you some time to learn how it functioned. Magic wasn't your specialty, just as his wasn't swinging a blade.

Although this was an uncommon ground, it was days such as these that made him appreciate it. Coming home from teaching wild, ruthless prodigies was more than enough magic for one day.

The lock clicked once Gale commanded it. When he pushed the door open, he was met with his Tressym ready to greet him.

"Mr. Dekarios!" Tara said with surprise, more than was necessary. Before Gale could speak, she began making her rounds between his legs. She sniffed at his scorched pants and took note of the dark footprints on the matt below before stepping back.

Gale knew better than to try and move.

"What a state to return in! Who did this to you?"

"Tara, please," Gale begged in a whisper. "I will explain everything if you'd so kindly help me get to the bedroom."

"You reek of smoke, Mr. Dekarios." Tara explained flatly, "there is no sneaking around the tower."

"Tara—“

Tara interrupted with a loud shout. "Mrs. Dekarios!"

Gale had exactly six seconds before you'd see his singed appearance. Each second went by too quickly for his liking as he considered every option he had. First, there was the thought of an illusion spell. A quick wave of his hands (as you tended to describe it) and the magic word would save him from embarrassment. If you were easy to trick. Second came the grand idea to dash off and find a cover.

"You cannot hide this, Mr. Dekarios. And do not dare move, you will stain the floor."

"Well," Gale weakly shot back, "worse has happened in this tower."

At that moment, you rounded the corner and went in for a hug. Your smile quickly disappeared when you caught sight of the black, powdery substance all over Gale. Before you could touch him, you reeled back. Gale smiled as you took in his messy state.

"Am I glad to see you."

Gale hardly moved as you reached up and rubbed the powder from around his eyes. It hardly budged, but you were far more stubborn. He hummed with content at the small gesture.

"I can hardly see you, dearest," you laughed as his skin began to show. In a more softer tone, you asked, "I assume class went as planned?"

“The first hour? Oh, it was magnificent.” Gale explained as you reached down to Tara. She had left and returned with a damp cloth between her canines. It made progress much easier has you gently wiped his face.

“We delved deeper into the arcane, between electric cities and heatwaves. One asked me to demonstrate a fireball, which I rejected the idea immediately. Safety first, I said, when it could be practiced. Unleashing a fireball in a room full of young students is undoubtedly a quick path to losing my job.”

You hummed for him to continue. Tara instructed for him to undress before setting off to find something to cover him with. You took a step back as he started with his boots and worked his way up.

“So,” Gale waited for Tara to be out of earshot. If she heard, she would be attending class the next day with him. She would surely lecture his students about their actions until the end of time. And even after. “A little Clem Amakiir decided to present for me. At me.”

Your focus was wavered. While defiance at Blackstaff wasn’t new, a student attacking your husband was.

“Surely it was an accident.” Those children better pray it was.

Gale chuckled. “The fireball? No. No, that was completely intentional. To aim towards me…that was the mistake. At least I’m hoping it was. I suppose if my students wanted to kill me, it would’ve happened by now.”

Before you could scold him for his words, Tara returned. Her wings were stretched out as she carried clean robes for the wizard.

“Thank you, Tara.” Gale reached for the clothes on her back.

“I shall attend class with you tomorrow,” Tara stated as Gale redressed himself. “Allow me to teach those children obedience.”

“That is most unnecessary,” Gale dismissed, positive that Tara overheard him despite his careful volume. “They’re simply eager to learn! I cannot punish them for having a hunger for knowledge.”

“You can punish them for an attack, Mr. Dekarios.”

“What do you think?” Gale sighed as he looked over to you. As he struggled with the last hooks on the robe, you came to help. “I say, let them off with a warning.”

“Perhaps Tara is right.” You commented, “you have a hard time disciplining, Gale. Let her help you.”

“They’re not psychopathic,” Gale tried to defend.

“One is.”

Gale held back a laugh with a scoff. “She needs guidance. From her professor.”

You looked up and met his gaze. He was watching you hook the clasps, which was something he always fought with. But you could do it right, each and every time. He smiled at you, “you’re a natural.”

“Oh, do not change the subject!” Tara caught on.

Gale almost had forgotten she was there. Everytime he caught a glimpse of you, everything else would fade into milky darkness. As you pressed a kiss to his cheek, he peered back down at Tara. “I’ll think about it, Tara. Now may I relax with my dear wife?“

Tara squinted at him, “you may, Mr. Dekarios.“

Gale shivered as she walked away. With Tara on her own, he wrapped his arms around your waist and turned his attention toward you. He was looking forward to anything and everything that didn’t involve magic, for sometime.

“How do I look?”

You fixed his collar with a grin. “I’ll allow the mirror to answer.”

[larothoughts]

qijiu thoughts: complicated codependence

after reading a few more shen jiu fics i figured maybe the diverging point when it comes to fan-interpretation is understanding how codependent qijiu is. like, it's not just qi-ge who won't let go of shen jiu, shen jiu 100% spitefully, unwillingly yet helplessly refuses to let go of qi-ge either. the obvious author answer to this is for sj to remove himself from qi-ge because of toxic codependence (see my rant on anti-qijiu pro-sj fics), except i don't think it's in-character for him to ever do so??

the man literally died twice because he couldn't let go of qi-ge until the very, very end. he'll never give up on him as easily as he does in fic, this man is a canonical stubborn asshole who can't let go of anything. that's his entire problem lol

(first time was obviously after lbh gave him xuan su's shards. sj, who had spent the entire time being tortured refusing to bend, cracks at the realization that qi-ge came this time and died. i forgot if him eating xuan su's shards is canon in the qijiu extras or if it's a fanon theory, but i 100% find this in-character of sj to do as a final f*** you to the universe.)

(second time was the qi deviation that caused shen yuan to take over his life. i'll go over this later, but i believe sqh, who transmigrated decades before, likely tried to nudge qijiu into reconciling and instead made it worse. so while in the og!pidw universe, sj never deviated hard enough to die; in this svsss universe, sqh trying to get sj to face his own heart demons literally caused him to die. oops. system got pretty mad because lbh MUST go into the abyss, and so had to scramble to find a sj replacement lol)

preface

much of this is my own interpretation of things btw. i haven't read the qijiu extras in a while so it's very possible some of these things don't follow canon. especially the whole cognitive dissonance part. i've always leaned towards the 'shen jiu is an unreliable, in-denial narrator of his own story, he can't admit anything to himself until he's literally at death's door' interpretation of sj's tsundereness, so that's 100% my own bias peeking through here.

how qing ding peak made everything worse

this a fanon theory i like that has merit given how long qijiu had problems: things would've been so much different if yue qi wasn't chosen by qing ding. like, literally any other peak, qijiu would've had 75% chance of having a happy ending. i feel like any peak with a halfway decent lord with basic empathy skills would have thought 'hmm yes, if we rescue the friend of this little prodigy we can ensure his loyalty to us for life' instead of 'let's dangle the chance of rescuing his friend as a way to get this kid to work as hard as he can until it's too late, then allow the failure to break him down completely so we can reshape him into the perfect successor.' though to be honest the former sect leader probably didn't expect yue qi to literally be broken down.

my thought is that the sect leader kept putting off the rescue over and over, hoping to drag things out until the inevitable happened. but yue qi, naturally wary of adults, panicked once he realized what his shizun was doing. he tried to pull xuan su without permission to force the leader into acknowledging his strength and letting him go... which then led to the entire soul-binding fiasco we see in canon. sure, the former sect leader could've lost his newest experiment, but throwing him into the caves had the bonus of making him late anyway. so a success all around everyone!

we can further theorize the character of the previous sect leader (and how his grooming of yue qi possibly led to his guilt complex and inability to communicate his honest feelings) but ultimately it was qing ding peak's teachings itself that led to yqy's inability to reconcile with sj. because qing ding is the diplomat's peak. the politics peak. the peak where people often cannot say exactly what they mean, must never overtly show favor to anyone, must control every single thing they do or say else the political fallout ruins their sect's reputation.

so it really didn't help that their reunion happened in the middle of sj committing pretty bad crimes like murdering and looting disciples. yue qi went immediately into political clean-up mode, sj misunderstood yue qi's silence as 'i will never tell you' instead of 'not now sj we need to bury these bodies in the bushes', and then later sj was so scornful yue qi's guilt-complex kicked in and he figured 'sj will never forgive me, obviously he doesn't want to hear excuses.' and as yue qi's political position grew, the less he could overtly support and protect shen jiu. the more careful he was of his words and actions, so far removed from the qi-ge sj once knew that sj can't help but lash out. by the time yqy was mentally well enough to talk about the lingxi cave fiasco (if ever), sj had already built up a protective wall of 'this qi-ge is an imposter, the real qi-ge would not have left me.' and yqy didn't know how to tell him the truth without sj's psyche collapsing in on itself. so... he just continued not to tell him.

in which qi-ge is alive but also dead, as declared by shen jiu

sj barely recognized qi-ge once they reunited. yue qi has always been the peacemaker amongst the rowdy slaves, sure, but he'd always been on sj's side. he told sj everything, things he never told the other slaves, and only really clammed up when they were facing beatings by adults in a true us-versus-them scenario. now, however, he's clamming up with shen jiu. he hates it, this intrinsically qi-ge thing that this fake qi-ge doesn't realize he's doing. more than the shiny clothes and well-fed appearance, this is what makes the chasm between them feel real. qi-ge never came back for him, because qi-ge was dead. cang qiong killed qi-ge and all that's left is this qi-ge puppet going through motions of caring for sj it obviously doesn't understand.

(this is easier for him to accept, because if yue qi wasn't mentally dead than he really did willingly abandon shen jiu in the dirt, and accepting that would make shen jiu lose his mind.)

now what to do when qi-ge is dead and he doesn't need sj to protect him anymore? logically, sj should've stayed long enough to fix his cultivation, save up funds, and then leave to become a rogue cultivator before his past had the chance to catch up to him. but sj is not logical. he's spiteful and angry and contrary. he claws his way up the disciple hierarchy on qing jing and spits in the face of yue qi's awkward overtures. he hates the other qing jing disciples, his own shizun, lqg and a bunch of the other head disciples; in fact, he hates cang qiong as a whole because they were the ones that took qi-ge away from him. but at the end of the day, a dead qi-ge puppet is still kind of qi-ge and even if qi-ge threw sj away that didn't mean the reverse was true. sj will not give even a dead puppet qi-ge up; he belongs to him whether he likes it or not (/spitefully).

so as it becomes clearer and clearer that yue qi will indeed become the next sect leader, sj begrudgingly finds himself stuck in cang qiong. one would think things would get better after the former peak lords ascend, since that meant the evil brainwashing sect leader and the resentful qiu-naming qing jing peak lord would've finally fucked off. but no, things actually get worse.

because now that the former sect leader isn't actively sabotaging qijiu's relationship (sure, he didn't mean to break yue qi's mind that bad, but even the worst broken eggs can be turned into a decent obedient successor, except shen jiu's continued existence is threatening to undo all his hard work) yue qi is more able to try and make overt amends. the problem is, by acting more like the real qi-ge, he's threatening sj's mental defense of 'qi-ge is dead, this qi-ge is a fake.'

when cognitive dissonance gives you qi deviations

the more qi-ge acts like he's honestly sorry, the more shen jiu must accept that qi-ge isn't dead. that he either chose to leave sj behind (devastating given sj's abandonment issues) or was forced to leave sj behind and refused to tell him why (more abandonment issues; does he not trust sj anymore??) worse for peak morale, the more overtly sj rejects yqy, the more annoyed the other peak lords get. doesn't sj know how bad it looks for their sect, to have their top two lords fighting like this?? why is yqy not shutting it down, isn't he a politician?

well yes, but as sect leader he now has the freedom to pick and choose when to put his politicking hat on. lqg follows sqq to a brothel and causes a ruckus in the middle of the street? scold sqq for being so overt, because they both know the best way into the brothel is through the back via code word! they learned how to sneak into brothels as street kids ages ago and sqq could have totally done so discreetly! argue with lqg but refuse to explain himself? sqq please, he can't take your side for no reason, especially in front of all these peak lords who already knows he favors you!!

and because shen jiu is facing the cognitive dissonance of qi-ge's... qi-ge-ness, he sets up tests rigged to fail no matter how yqy responds. this way he is always right! if yqy sides with sj, sj's annoyed because he's clearly trying to placate him like a child. if yqy sides against sj, he's obviously choosing to abandon sj again!!

yqy is fully aware of the trap because yqy is a trained politician capable of reading social cues (and sj hasn't changed all that much from when they were kids, he still has that same spiteful edge to him yqy is so fond of). he intentionally falls for them because (1) he deserves to be hated by sj and (2) being hated by sj keeps him from lashing out too much at the other peak lords. yqy is very used to sj's temper tantrums, it's when he lashes out at other people that things become unmanageable.

(during the latter half of their rule over cang qiong, i feel that yqy learned to stop actively chasing reconciliation. he came around for tea and present-giving, kept things civil, and still let sj get away with all kinds of terrible things. he fell for all of sj's traps with his eyes wide open and it infuriates sj, everything about this drives him mad. he doesn't want this soft, unspoken affection, because this was how qi-ge used to handle sj's tsundereness back when they were on the streets. it's another sign that qi-ge is still qi-ge, and this fact brings sj both selfish comfort and undeniable agony.)

it's an awkward balancing act that continues to sour sj's reputation with the other peak lords, but it's mostly manageable until sqh sticks his nose into their business and pushes sj over the edge.

how transmigrators ruin everything

"maybe yqy did something impulsive, did you think of that? why can't you forgive him, he tried so hard? aren't you tired of being angry all the time?" bitch no, sj has been keeping the worst of the qi deviations away for years by performing mental gymnastics around his walls of denial stOP KNOCKING THEM DOWN. Even worse, lbh arrives on the peak and shen jiu hates him. not just because he's got all the potential shen jiu had stolen away from him, but he's so glad to be here. he's making his mother proud. all while shen jiu was dragged here essentially against his will, trapped himself in this bamboo prison out of spite, and then realized the dead thing he's been looking after for decades isn't dead after all. that qi-ge actually did, for realsies, leave him at the qius. that all these overtures, the silent acceptance of his faults, everything could just be out of guilt (qi-ge is ashamed of him) and not out of a ghost reenacting its former lingering affection (the real qi-ge would've still loved him.)

the dissonance, abandonment issues, frustration and everything culminates in a devastating qi deviation. ironically, now that yqy's rule is mostly secure and sj's reputation has soured enough to start negatively affecting the sect, sj finally feels safe enough to let go. in this moment of emotional clarity, sj finally releases qi-ge from his grasp and decides to die.

that was not supposed to happen.

qi-ge's no good, very bad sacrifice

in another universe where og!sqh was too busy plotting to betray cang qiong mountain, the frosty and emotionally charged stand-off between yqy and sj continues for years. then, lqg dies. i'm torn between yqy believing sj killed lqg or not. either way, i don't think he'd be 'disappointed' in sj as portrayed in some fics. i also don't think it would infuriate sj that yqy thinks he's capable of killing lqg, because if anyone knows how much of a murder kitten shen jiu is, it's yqy. maybe he's offended yqy thinks him dumb enough to kill him in such a sloppy way. maybe he's even more offended that this turns the other peak lords against him and yqy just lets it happen.

or maybe (through my qijiu-tinted glasses) it pisses him off that yqy does tell the peak lords that they should all stand together, and the other peak lords ignore him and hate sj anyway. they're disrespecting yqy because they think he is compromised, and sj worked too goddamn hard to solidify yqy's position to have it undone by a murder he didn't even do.

(ironically, if lqg was alive he'd tell the other peak lords to f*** off for disobeying yqy. lqg's canon respect for yqy is something i feel needs more acknowledgement, likely because i feel half the reason they don't get along is because of sj's utter disrespect of their sect leader. who cares if sj is a street rat or the son of a wealthy family, no one disrespects yue-shixiong!)

now the story of sj's road to becoming lbh's plaything is a well-worn track that everyone knows. i do subscribe to the idea that sj took one look at huan hua's eagerness, lbh's vendetta, and yqy's recklessness and made the same decision he did in the svsss verse: he'd rather qi-ge be free (happy) than dead. this is a battle he cannot win, and he'll be damned if he lets lbh drag cang qiong down with him. when yqy promises him he'll save him from the water prison, sj spits in his face and tells him for the final time that xiao jiu and qi-ge are both dead. he let sj go decades ago, and now sj is letting qi-ge go in return.

sj faces the torture with the tenacious spirit of someone who'd withstood worse torture for years. in fact, he's a bit impressed by lbh taking revenge on him the same way sj took revenge on qiu jianluo. either way, even with more than 50% of his body missing, sj faces his fate in utter defiance. and then lbh shows up with xuan su.

the reveal of qi-ge's failed rescue and demise was devastating for a lot of reasons. most obviously, sj's sacrifice to keep cang qiong safe from the fallout was a failure. everything he'd done and sacrificed to keep qi-ge safe, all the scorn he'd borne as the hated qing jing peak lord was thrown away because qi-ge wanted to be a moron.

the other reason why sj broke was because qi-ge did come for him. he simply failed. and the tiny part of him that always suspected qi-ge was still qi-ge now has confirmation that all those years ago, qi-ge likely did the same. he came for him at the qius, but he failed. the only difference now is lbh's willingness to tell him the truth vs. yqy's decades-long silence. the only difference now is that yqy is actually, physically dead.

sj has been living on borrowed time ever since he looked the new yqy (fake qi-ge) in the eyes and allowed himself to be brought to cang qiong mountain. everything he did was to elevate himself into a position where no one could hurt him (and qi-ge) anymore, the same way he'd acted back when they were on the streets. now that he was in this state and qi-ge was dead, his time was clearly up. and sj refuses to let lbh have the last laugh. as much as he respected lbh for his ruthlessness, it's not enough to stave off sj's spite. he didn't let qjl control him in the end, and he won't let lbh do so either.

final thoughts

some last, disorganized thoughts on qijiu's relationship

rather than yqy telling sj what happened, i think showing him the scars all over his body would be much more impactful. sj knows how worthless words can be; he's likely prefer being able to touch each scar and check the meridians for himself. yqy doesn't need to say a word, his entire body is a testament to the torture he'd endured.

ironically, sj fixing up cang qiong as a tactician and his personal refusal to put himself in weak situations made yqy incapable of showing his care through action. all of his crises were political/reputation-based/etc. all things qing ding's teachings guaranteed yqy to fail all his speech-checks. and yqy is definitely not the type of person to engineer a false crisis just to swoop in to save sj... not because of any moral reasons, but because risking sj in any way would be absolutely unacceptable. in yqy's world, it's sj > the sect > good morals. he does have good morals, yes, but he's also pragmatic and self-aware enough to know when to put the things he cares about first.

there was a theory i read before about yqy and sj's trauma responses being to shut down and say nothing in the face of accusations, and i agree with this. saying nothing often netted less punishment than 'making excuses.' even without this coping mechanism, the mental trauma of having his mind and body broken could've easily stopped yqy from being able to even speak around the topic for years. if he doesn't talk about it and no one sees his scars, he can pretend it never happened. sj's scorn of him is forever a sign that it did happen, but that's fine, he's always made exceptions for shen jiu.

i don't really know where the uncomfortably-creepy-no-boundaries yqy towards sy came from? in the original novel sy clearly like yqy and views him in a positive, big-brother-shape light. even towards the end of the novel when yqy confesses, sy feels more guilty for being an imposter than angry that yqy failed sj. yqy even steps aside for lbh thinking 'well, at least sqq is happy now' because that's what he wanted for sj for so, so long. for him to be happy, even if that meant forgetting qi-ge.

(the no-boundaries thing is something i disagree with in general, because i think yqy's political and social training would make that very unlikely. he doesn't call sqq xiao-jiu as often as he does in fics, i think he did so in canon because he was delirious and exhausted post-drawing-xuan-su. i figured qijiu's latter years cooled off a bit as yqy realized direct overtures weren't working and went the coaxing-stray-cat route to everyone else's befuddlement.)

does qi-ge know sy is not sj? i can go either way with this. the theory that he does know but he's repressing it out of his own mental wellbeing is intriguing; but so is him assuming sj losing his memories means sy is a different person. which means he's always been happier without qi-ge. either way, i do believe yqy no longer views sqq-y the same as sqq-j. after the first few years post-qi-deviation, i think yqy is emotionally mature enough to realize sy is here to stay and that the sj he once knew (either because of his lost memories or whole-soul transplantation) is gone.

i am a qijiu shipper, but i do also like platonic qijiu. my only prerequisite for any other-ship-jiu fic is some kind of qijiu reconciliation. i honestly don't think either of them would have good romantic relationships unless they fix their own relationship first. qi-ge can't marry someone, that would remove sj from being the most important person on qi-ge's list. despite scorning him, sj being number one is one of the only things holding sj together throughout their divorce era. sj cannot marry anyone because that would give qi-ge the false impression that sj is happy and qi-ge is now free. and qi-ge is not allowed to be free. he will belong to sj for as long as sj wants and nothing is allowed to interfere with that impression. lol both of these are sj-based, but sj's always been the dominant party in this relationship. whether or not qi-ge is jealous of sj's new lover is irrelevant; as long as sj is happy, the og!sj-simp qi-ge is also happy.

i have too many qijiu thoughts and not enough time to write a fic about them, alas. i find their relationship fascinating and very integral to their personalities no matter the au or ship.

[felixir-of-moths]

CC Fest | May Mayhem Bingo 1/5

Freakier than me (AO3)

@corrodedcoffinfest | Prompt : Nice guy who only hates you

Rated: T | wc: 2,575 | POV: Eddie | Relationships: Eddie Munson & Gareth Emerson, Eddie&Jeff&Freak | CW: period-typical transphobia, past bullying implied, knife | Tags: pre-season4, miscommunication, enemies to friends, Corroded Coffin, background Hellfire, Eddie Munson is a Little Shit, Gay Eddie Munson, no romance, trans!Gareth, coming out, light angst, happy ending, LOTR references, Eddie&Gareth's friendship

Beta work & sensitivity reading : @achilleanenjolras 🌻

Summary: Eddie can't figure out why Gareth hates him that much. Unfortunately, Eddie needs Gareth to like him as soon as possible.

🩵🤍🩷 PROTECT TRANS KIDS 🩵🤍🩷

1985 – first semester

Eddie can't take it anymore. He has reached the breaking point and he knows too well what it means: he's gonna have to beg. Eddie's skin is tough and can take lots of things, like punches (sure), kicks (of course), the daily overwhelming feeling that he's losing his mind (a classic), being loathed or mocked or feared by his peers (as they should). But there's something the leather can't protect him from, and that's the rejection from another freak. He knows exactly why jocks hate him, and why even other geeks or nerds are looking at him sideways – and he wants them to. But Gareth is not a jock. He's not a band geek, he's not a math nerd. Gareth is a freak, just like Eddie, and Gareth hates him.

“That's it,” Eddie decides before slamming both hands on the lunch table, startling Jeff and Doug who were in a deep argument about the rise and fall of Arnor, land of the Dúnadan. “Shut up – both of you, enough. I have questions, and they will be answered today.” Jeff and Doug exchange a concerned glance. Eddie leans forward, fingers stretched on the table like he's ready to jump on it. “Oh no – please, don't,” Jeff whimpers in a pleading expression. “Nobody shove me against a locker yet today, don't draw attention to us.” “You did not just shut me up,” Doug starts with a trembling finger rising, “while I'm into the six-hundred-and-seventy-five-year long war against the forces of Angmar, Eddie. You did not just do that.” Eddie is suddenly a tiny less confident about himself. He wasn't really paying attention to his friends. It's been days since he had, really, mostly because all his thoughts are running loose around why does Gareth hates me like a pack of bloodhounds. He clears his throat, and purses his lips in a tight smile. “I am...most grievously sorry, Douggie,” Eddie says in a theatrical yet lower voice, “that I have wounded thy feelings. Would you be so kind to lend thine ear to my woes?” Jeff snorts, relaxing a bit, and even if Doug doesn't smile, he nods slowly with indulgence. “I will listen to thy trifling grievance, Eddie. Speak on.” “Okay, thanks man – so you know that Gareth kid?” Eddie quickly asks, leaning even closer and now whispering conspiratorially. “He's with you in Algebra, and with you,” he adds towards Jeff, “in P.E., right? Quiet kid, always frowning, cute piratey vibe?” “Piratey?” Doug mumbles, confused. “What about him?” Jeff asks almost at the same time. “We need him the band,” Eddie states, jamming a finger on the table with insistence. “We need him yesterday. I won't have any other drummer than this fucking prodigy – I know you had a jam session with him so don't even bother denying how good he is.” Jeff and Doug share another concerned glance. Eddie drums his fingers impatiently. “Yeah, of course he's great,” Jeff says slowly, choosing his words carefully. “We never said he wasn't. I...didn't thought you'd want him in the band.” “Why wouldn't I want him?” Eddie asks, frowning. “That's stupid. Of course I want him. I even asked him and he said no.” “You...you asked him?” Doug repeats. “Okay, are you both high right now?” Eddie says, his annoyance reaching a new level. “Am I speaking Elvish? What is so hard to understand in what I'm saying? The kid is a great drummer, you both get along with him, and he doesn't want to join us and I need to know why – he – hates – me.” “Wait, Eddie, you don't remember?” Jeff glances quickly around the cafeteria, and leans closer to Eddie, now almost nose to nose with him, eyes wide in surprise. “You don't remember why he doesn't like you?” “You know about this?” Eddie yelps, instantly getting shushed by Jeff. “Of course, I'm baffled that you forgot about that, man. And you went to him and asked him to be in the band? Seriously?” Jeff whispers, concern dissolving into disbelief dangerously close to disappointment. Eddie's eyes jump from Jeff to Doug and bounce back. He's not dreaming: both of them are suddenly stern. What the fuck? Eddie is being unfairly judged by a fellow freak and his friends are mad at him for no reason? What did he even do?! Eddie doesn't remember having a conversation with the kid despite the chaotic mess that happened last week, when he walked straight to Gareth to inform him in flourished manners that his music expertise was requested in the most metal band of the century. Gareth gave him a look of disgust, like Eddie was a talking bulbous toad, and simply said “I'd rather die. Also, fuck you.” “Guys, I have not the slightest idea what you're talking about,” Eddie admits with a sigh. “He's a junior, I've never noticed him before this semester. What could I have ever done to him?”

Read the whole story on AO3 !