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#Bro. How does that change anything
onyx-got-clowned · 3 months
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neurotypicals are weird, like wdym i can’t sit on the floor??? Because it’s ’disrespectful’ or ‘distracting’ ??? How??? Literally so confused wtf. It’s the church floor, i am sitting next to the chair with my attention on you, it’s NOT that deep 😭 Mormons are literally sooooo annoying oh my godddd
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eclaire-went-bam · 1 month
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ppl, especially low/no-empathy ppl, who talk to ableist anti-pd cluster b abuse believers with the upmost patience & understanding are so crazy (/pos) for that because what
how do y'all sit there and level w/ them just. so much.
i know it's kind of necessary bcs even if they don't listen to us anyways, they're only gonna think we're 10× worse if we don't walk them through the spiel w/ hands held (which we're not even owed to do anyways) but like i can hardly see myself doing it
so like
respect
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cinnamon-grump · 9 months
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Im tired of being a human can I pls just be aa a swamp monster already
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ironmanstan · 9 months
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I am coming to the realization i have been slowly killing myself with work i think oops
#m thinking now and im like#i havent read ... anything consistently .. or watched anything .. or had time to like do anything#in genuinely so long#and i was like kinda becoming ok w it#my brain issues .. nothing matters i dont need anything all i need is me i dont need to have anyone or anything with me <- bad. stop it#part of this was the i need my dad to be proud of me braincell but well i win award i have 4.0 gpa and he still yell at me#deciding now to stop caring so much (i still do but ill ignore it) i need 2 be alive again i dont care#im so mad i dont even know .. im so viscerally angry like actually i dont even know what to do with that lmfao#my brother does shit all and u give him sm slack have NEVER treated him as bad as youve treated me#and nothing i do NOTHING is good enough or changes how u look at me#like idk he called me and i cried so much i got so fucking upset i fhkdhdkf ok. ok.#he will b like omg im so proud of u i love u so much ive always believed in u and i just think back to when#he yelled at me once like fiiive years ago and i was like u just make me feel so worthless all the time#and he was like yeah bc you are worthless#and im like hmmm idk bestie i dont think youve ever changed from looking at me like that and it is insanely obvious lmao#i dont even know bro im crazy. m insane got given an inch and tried to take a mile like omg i can actually be recognized as worth something#nevermind ill stop killing myself for that pipe dream now lol#m not even upset im just mad lmao i dont wanna hate my dad and i dont but every day i feel more and more like i should#vent
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purgetrooperfox · 2 months
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nothing more simultaneously satisfying + humbling + tedious + painstaking + euphoric than making and formatting oc refsheets
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infizero · 7 months
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grian: "i'm not gifting you the heart, i'm giving it to someone SPECIAL."
(silence)
scar: (hangs his head) "wow..."
grian: "aw ok i'm sorry- no no i'm not even gonna fall for this, i got guilted into helping you out last time, and you got a ton of stuff! i'm not being fooled"
#jaw kind of dropped when grian said that bro. UNCALLED FOR#anyways theres something so interesting to me about. grian being mean to scar and then as soon as scar acts hurt#grian's instinct IS to apologize. but then he changes his mind and is like no no im not gonna be guilted im not gonna be fooled#<- WHICH TO BE FAIR. this is scar we're talking about here. but also#its very interesting to me. with my little ''grian does care about scar he just has Emotional Issues from 3rd life that never really#went away'' mindset. this feels like progress. from just being mean to scar and not caring about it#its a little thing but the fact that he goes to apologize at first. makes me think things are looking up#i feel like they're already on much better terms this season which um. considering how last season ended is a little surprising#but not really considering. scar never seems to blame grian or get mad at him for anything he does#and idk if grian feels bad about his ''betrayal'' at all so to both of them its like not an issue and therefore doesnt affect#their current interactions#NOW. this could age very poorly. im still not over the bait-and-switch that was last season w barely any interactions and then That#they could act all niceys to each other this season and then later down the line when everythings crazy something terrible could happen#and i'll go insane over it. but for right now im uncharacteristically an optimist when it comes to these two. maybe they can finally just#be niceys to each other the whole time. i doubt it but maybe!#serena.txt#serena.live#slsmp spoilers
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moderngirlmp3 · 1 year
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as a society i think we need to talk less about eddie munson
#listen. LISTEN. i get it he’s cool and nonconformist and edgy and. dead and queercoded i GET IT#but like jesus christ yall the amounts of character butchery that the entire fandom has been subjected to#also hi sorry can we maybe possibly also address how the entire fandom insists on queerifying all the male characters. when we have.#a canonical wlw character. like ?? i just. im used to it from every other fandom but like#i simply do not have the patience for it in this one. can we please not ignore robin#also why does the obsession with eddie always come at the expense of the other more fleshed out characters.#like just say you want a self insert and go but don’t pretend that all of your headcanons or whatever actually happened#ESPECIALLY when it comes to ships. ahem steddie shippers. completely changing both of their characters and dynamics w other characters#i get wanting to change aspects of canon. trust me. i have a five page google doc of complaints. but like can we not act like he’s#canonically anything other than another minor character that the duffer bros sacrificed bc they didn’t wanna kill a main#and like. i don’t know. something about how the relationship everyone wants to focus on. is between steve and eddie ??#who barely interact and tbh don’t have much stake in each others lives.#as opposed to like. dustin and eddie ??? like im sorry but. why is steve always so destroyed in fics where eddie dies#and dustin is just like. crying or whatever.#steve barely fucking knew the guy let’s be real.#i dont know. im angry and tired of shitty characterization and wlw being ignored for less relevant white men#roxisms#st#stranger things
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firep0wder · 1 year
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I don't want to go to work tomorrow I want to get high and have gay sex and play guitar with my friends forever and ever and eat good food. Alas weed costs money so I need the job
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#i truely have so much anger built up inside me about my job. ive done a very good job of making it unbearable#and after taking a 10 day vacation. plus 2 days of not working bc im sick. i really dont wanna go back#i was planning to take 3 days to not do fucking anything but my boss just emailed me with some time sensitive#logistical things. so like i guess i gotta fucking do that tomorrow. i started reading the email and it made my head hurt#and she started it off like. hopw ur feeling better and i dont wanna cause stress but...#like bro. listen. if u tell me these things u put them in my head and i csnt stop thinking abt them until theyre done. and its not her#fault bc im the one that put myself in a place where im barely keeping it together. its just frustrating#bc it feels like hope u feel better but also kill urseld 💖 but again thats just how it feels bc im so. idk how to describe it im like in a#state of post burnout. im sitting in the ash. alone in a desolate landscape and its like jesus how tf do i fix this?#and i cant even run out my anger rn bc im sick. and i mean i have the energy to run i dont feel lethargic but like i doubt that would aid#recovery lol. ugh. 2 months. thats all. then i move away. assuming i find a place to live lol. bc i currently haven't yet#but whatever. assuming i get better quickly and dont get worse and dont get covid on top of this cold bc my dad got covid#it will have been a bit of a blessing i came back sick bc i have a clear justification for not working and for telling people to fuck off#when they ask for things from me. like today a lab mate asked if i could sample Monday. which it technically#a holiday but i probably would have said yes if i wasnt sick. and i would have had to teach undergrads some bullshit friday if i wasnt sick#instead i just did nothing all day bc i almost moved bsck my flight and didnt leave home until the weekend anyway#i guess its good i didnt bc then i would have been stuck in ohio bc my dad found out he had covid yesterday#idk its all just frustrating bc im halfway in a transition and im not doing very well but i cant do anything to fix things until i leave#the southwest. like i dont even kno if i have health insurance rn. my benifits change request was processed but like does thst mean it was#approproved? fucking idk. so everytime i do anything i imagine a worstcase scenario where i end up hospitalized and damned to an empty#bank account or eternal medical debt. tho my mum said they passed a law where they arnt allowed to do thst to u anymore 🤷‍♂️#whatever. im annoyed. i dont wanna work 😫#unrelated
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pr · 2 years
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everytime i talk to my younger brother, i feel like he gives me the same attitude he has about having to talk to our mom. and it makes me So Unbelievably Self Conscious about everything i do/say to him, like "oh i dont want to push too hard to get you to hang out with me" bc i only have the chance to see you for a handful of weeks a year since your college is across the country but bc our mom does the same kind of pressure/guilt for us to spend time with her i dont want you to feel i am repeating the same patterns, or "oh i'd love to connect with you on a more emotionally personal level" but if i 'pressure' you 'too much' to open up you'll think i'm behaving like our mother does when she does not accept our boundaries.
i just wish i could have that familial connection siblings have, but i feel like he only sees me of an extension of our mother despite my notorious and well known distaste for he for the entire time he has been alive lol bc i'm an emotional person who wants to care about him, and i absolutely do not want to be her, and i just...
idk, does anyone out there get what i'm saying? anyone else come from a broken family that fucked up your relationships with your siblings?
#its so fucking depressing. i feel like im walking on eggshells every time i talk to him#and when i do bring up that feeling hes just like 'ok' bc hes so emotionally stunted#or if i dont bring it up i just internalize it and feel like shit and i...#i wish i knew how to repair our relationship without him feeling obligated to talk to me#in the same way we both have always felt obligated to talk to our family bc we were told Family Is All That Matters or wtf ever#i wish there was 'couples' therapy but for siblings#and i wish even if that DID exist it was actually possibly bc he goes to yale and i am in texas and that is just not fucking practical#even if it was a webcam meeting. and i feel like if i asked for that emotional labor from him he is just so ABSURDLY#non-confrontational that he would agree to do it even if he didnt want to and just...#idk. none of this makes sense. he is my baby fucking brother. sorry for sounding demeaning but. he us#*is. i adore him so fucking much. he makes me so proud. but everytime i speak to him (which is limited at best)#i feel like he puts up the same wall with me he does with my mother/stepfather. and there isnt anything i can do to change thay#bc me showing him love or looking for his affection just seems to make him feel the same way our damn mother does#when she pressures us into doing 'fun activities' or whatever#i just....i love him so much. he makes me so fucking proud. he#*he's my baby bro. he's achieved so much. but everything i say to him feels like he thinks i am being just as#hollow and disingenuine as our mother...#sigh. this is so niche pol. sorry bye#op#tw sad#SHOULD I ADD THAT ALFJALAJA
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polaraffect · 2 months
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venting in the tags yippeee
#damien.txt#gender talk time 🤪✌️#....................................................................................#screaming crying throwing up rolling around on the ground <- said completely deadpan#uhm. as always. thinking abt gender. and questioning. my whole life. bc. i cant stop doing that#soooooo like. my big thing. abt gender. is as much as im like. he/they-ing it here and irl. its kind of... complicated?#as ive gone on ive realized more and more that i dont. really. feeling Anything towards those pronouns#neither do i she/her. or they/them.#and just generally the whole Concepts of male/female? so like. im always like hmm. whats happening here#and other completely incoherent statements djbdhdbf sorrry anyways#i keep having these moments where im like. hmm. maybe. im leaning too hard into the masc. maybe i am not. he at all.#but ive like. really full committed to the bit yknow? like esp irl. all the ppl ive introduced myself to in the last 2 years have known me#as 'he'. and as someone who wears mostly masc clothing and generally attempts to present masc#and like. i bought a skirt a while ago and i was trying it on today and i was like oh. wait.#and before u @ me i KNOW!! clothing does not equal gender!! but there was just something abt it#and recently (the past like. year lmao) ive really been contemplating like. what i actually want out of transitioning or whatever#bc like. increasingly its become more obvious how... fucking difficult that is.#and the more i think abt it the more im like. bro its not even worth it for me? tbh? also like. sometimes i look in the mirror and am like#hmm. this does not feel better than it did when i hadnt transitioned at all. yknow?#like the last 10+ years ive been existing in this state w my body where im basically just. tolerating it. ignoring it. even.#and that hasn't... changed. after t. and ik thats not like the fix-all but its got me wondering if some of it/a lot of it#is just body dysmorphia? rather than dysphoria? bc like. god knows i have that too.#and just. idk. i feel Really Really anti-gender most of the time. would in fact. not like to be conceived of at all.#but on some level im trying to think abt it practically bc if that ^ is my thoughts on gender fr. i have to decide whats worth it#and like. i miss cool clothes. god men's clothing is so fucking boring. holy fuck.#and AGAIN i KNOW gender doesnt equal clothes but also like. i am Aware to the wider world it still works like that#and truly if i rocked up to work/class in a skirt everyone would be like What The Fuck#and i kind of want to!! but im also scared of that reaction lol#AHHHH why must gender be so complicated. i want to lay on the floor#lol there was literally more but i ran out of tags LMAOO sorry everyone. gender complicated. peace ✌️
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spiritofjustice · 2 months
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every time i see John Garrideb i feel so bad for the fella. they rly portray his wife physically abusing him as funny and lighthearted. frankly i don't think a woman hitting, throwing things (including a KNIFE), and pouring scalding tea on her husband who has done nothing wrong is very funny personally!
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barredandromeda · 2 months
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we locked in fr he just dont know it yet
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ironmanstan · 1 year
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So much work to do but im actually doing it which scares me more than the fact i have work to do and u can tell bc i keep fucking posting like this
#laid out all my sketches i needed.. updated my carrd projects list... finalized art piece.. sketched concept.. studied from art book#fucking insane. insane. so scary so scary.#like idk it is so weird i think being depressed mustve made my adhd so much worse ?? i couldve never done this before#everything is still hard and i have to genuinely push and will myself to even attempt working on anything but like#i have enough will to win and start ? i dont lose my focus as much when im in it and if i do i know to take a break bc im understimulated?#i still forget basic things and to do things a lot but i dont catastrophize about it as much i get upset and then just fix it..#its so weird did i just fucking learn to self regulate??? is that what i was missing this whole time ???????#u get punished for like lacking focus and self regulation and have a defeatist mindset bc doing anything = punishment#but then you break through that fear and just throw yourself in and make yourself do things and u can work WITH the adhd????#my parents fucking scammed me bro imagine if i had been raised and like helped instead of called worthless for everytime i fuck up#WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THIS AT ALMOST 19. STUPID STUPID STUPID#even my old therapists.. oh you have adhd maybe if you just change your diet you will function WOWWW SOOO HELPFUL#HOW DOES THAT HELP ME LEARN TO BE AWARE OF MY SELF AND NEEDS AND REGULATE THEM TO WORK WITH MY MENTAL HANDICAPS HUH. QUICKLY#stupid... i hate every adult in the world you are all useless and do nothing <- is an adult#its so crazy 2 me to function even a little... i guess i learned easily finally bc i self analyze way too much sometimes#but like i genuinely for years predicted id just like. go right back to being majorly suicidal or something in college#bc i could barely handle highschool or getting assignments done#now im meeting deadlines on the reg... like idk. i think it is such a rare and strange and kind of sick feeling#to know like young you would look at you and be surprised or shocked . and its so sad bc like idk.#its like oh i never believed in myself huh. or believed i could have a place in the world and function and be alright#and then u have to grieve all the time you spent never trying bc u didnt think trying without failing was possible like what the hell!!!#crazy...#the gamer speaks uwu
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insanechayne · 3 months
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~ ~ ~
#this is a good one of these kinds of posts I swear#just wanna do a shoutout to my bestie even though I know he won’t see this#but I love him and feel like hyping him up anyway and don’t wanna make a whole actual post about it and annoy everyone#anyway yesterday I took my car in for an oil change and tune up thing and didn’t know how long it was gonna take so I set up a ride#with bestie back to my mom’s place if it was gonna be a while but then they said it’d only be like an hour and a half or so unless there was#actually something wrong with my car in which case we’d just discuss it and go from there. so bestie picks me up at the car place and I tell#him that and say he doesn’t have to stay and I can just wait there at the place if he’s busy but he says nah he gonna hang with me. asks if#I’m hungry and wanna get lunch and I hadn’t eaten yet so it worked out. went to the good Mexican place in town and order in their drive thru#I ask if he wants me to cash app him some money to cover my share and he very aggressively says ‘oh hell no’ which was honestly adorable and#really sweet. goes on to say ‘girl you know you don’t need to worry about money’ which is also super sweet and makes me feel all weird and#wiggly inside cause I’m not used to people being kind to me in that way or just buying me shit just because. and he’s always doing that kind#of stuff too just paying for my food or sending me money if I pick stuff up for us or whatever. dude got bucks at least good for him. but#yeah anyway so we got the food and then he went to a gas station to get us drinks then parked and ate and hung out with me until my car was#ready to go. even offered me money to cover the cost for the car if I needed anything major done and I could just pay him back little by#little. thankfully car is all good but his sentiment was well taken and much appreciated. gave me a big hug before we parted ways as he#usually does and bro gives the best hugs for real they’re so instantly comforting and you really feel the love they make me so happy. and he#even is gonna help me put together a new desk and chair at my house so I’ll have a place to do schoolwork at home and finally setup my tv in#my room. dude does so much for me and will then thank me just for hanging out with him as if I did anything special at all#this man deserves the whole fucking world and I’d do anything for him. love him so much#so ye that’s my hype post for my boy cause I just had to brag about him somewhere and get my feelings out#personal
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3nderstar · 3 months
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.
#i'm gonna jot my thoughts here#i use this blog as an archive more or less of things i like. i browse through older shit a lot. i'm thinking this as a memento or a marker#cause ive spent a lot of time and thought with this subject. so. i think its only fitting since im forcibly and suddenly removing it#that i put my thoughts here and now down#no ones gonna see this and care much anyway. this is for me. past and present and future.#ahem. anyway.#fuck dude. four years for this?#i liked this guy because of how genuine he seemed. he told us not to rely on a cc for anything and set good reasonable boundaries#hes open with mental health struggles im familiar with and can resonate with the rest#he realized his audience was lgbt and decided to not only embrace that but also donate to charities for it#bro supports fuckin furries#and now im wondering if all of that was just to make him look good. if he really believed what he was saying#bc apparently all he cares about is his image? like damn#i dont think he was dishonest with all of it- in particular the mental health and like political standings. but.#the fact im even calling it into question is bad#he (throughout several years) and others (now) have proven just how manipulative and power hungry he is#this guy needs fucking therapy AT LEAST. which he says hes getting and has been at for a while now. with seemingly no progress thus far#but i believe in the improvement of individuals. people can change. they just have to want it. it doesn't seem like he does.#i hope therapy ends up good for him and/or he comes to his fucking senses. i cant move forward with him and i hate to lose this#if he shows Good and i mean Good improvement i might come back. idk. i might still be in denial or whatever#ill keep listening to some of his stuff too until it disgusts me eventually. ive deleted a lot of his shit from my playlists already#if sorry ends up posting ill watch the rest of that as well. cant imagine theyll make anything more after this season though#ill listen to the album once its out too i think. i cant let go of his art just yet#he can't stream can't imagine youtube so anything else is kaput#so outside of that. idk. only time will tell.#sigh. this sucks.
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