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emerald-studies · 4 years ago

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How to be an ally

(I fixed ALL the links so fucking reblog)

1. Check In On Your Black Friends/Acquaintances

In my opinion, I believe the best way to be an ally is to reach out to your Black friends and check in on them, consistently. If you can recognize the times we are living in are absolute hell, you should be checking in on the most effected. None of my friends have checked up on me to see how I was doing or just to talk. They didn’t even bring up the protests until I did. It feels very very lonely and scary to not be checked up on by the people who say they support and love you. So, I’m making this the first point because I don’t want anyone else to feel this way, not trying to complain.

2. Learn More About Black History

It’s important to learn about the Black activists that our history books left out. Yes, Martin Luther King Jr. was, and is, important but we need to reflect on why he was pushed on us so much in our history classes, compared to other Black leaders. Is it because our government would rather us walk down the street holding signs than actually defending ourselves against the cop who’s beating us?

Here’s a master list of activists to start you off.

3. Go to Rallies and Protests (If you can)

Find protests and rallies in your area by looking on Twitter and search #yourcityprotest. Or watch your local news channel to see where they are (if they’re being covered on the news). Also search on Facebook. Wear a mask.

4. Donate and Sign Petitions

If you don’t have extra money to donate, that’s fine. If you still want to be an ally then sign all the petitions you can. Take a day to research all the ones you can sign/haven’t signed and sign them!

(Also you don’t need to donate to change.org! Directly donate to non-profit organizations and victims’ families!)

George Floyd - change.org

George Floyd - amnesty.org

George Floyd - colorofchange.org

Get The Officers Charged

Charge All Four Officers

Breonna Taylor - moveon.org

Breonna Taylor - colorofchange.org

Breonna Taylor - justiceforbreonna.org

Breonna Taylor - change.org

Breonna Taylor - thepetitionsite.com

Ahmaud Arbery - change.org

Ahmaud Arbery - change.org 2

Ahmaud Arbery - change.org 3

Justice for Oluwatoyin Salau

Pass The Georgia Hate Crime Bill

Defund MPD

Life Sentence For Police Brutality

Regis Korchinski - change.org

Tete Gulley - change.org

Tony McDade - change.org

Tony McDade - actionnetwork.org

Tony McDade - thepetitionsite.com

Joao Pedro - change.org

Julius Jones - change.org

Belly Mujinga - change.org

Willie Simmons - change.org

Hands Up Act - change.org

National Action Against Police Brutality

Kyjuanzi Harris - change.org

Alejandro Vargas Martinez - change.org

Censorship Of Police Brutality In France

Sean Reed - change.org

Sean Reed - change.org 2

Kendrick Johnson - change.org

Tamir Rice - change.org

Tamir Rice - change.org 2

Fire Racist Criminal From The NYPD

Jamee Johnson - organizefor.org

Darius Stewart - change.org

Darius Stewart - moveon.org

Abolish Prison Labor

Free Siyanda - change.org

Chrystul Kizer - change.org

Chrystul Kizer - change.org 2

Andile Mchunu (Bobo) - change.org

Eric Riddick - change.org

Amiya Braxton - change.org

Emerald Black - change.org

Elijah Nichols - change.org

Zinedine Karabo Gioia - change.org

Angel Bumpass - change.org

Sheku Bayoh - change.org

Visit these sites for more info:

http://www.pb-resources.com/

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

5. Educate yourself and others.

Articles:

- “America’s Racial Contract Is Killing Us” by Adam Serwer | Atlantic (May 8, 2020)

- Ella Baker and the Black Freedom Movement (Mentoring a New Generation of Activists

- ”My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant” by Jose Antonio Vargas | NYT Mag (June 22, 2011)

- The 1619 Project (all the articles) | The New York Times Magazine

- The Combahee River Collective Statement

- “The Intersectionality Wars” by Jane Coaston | Vox (May 28, 2019)

- Tips for Creating Effective White Caucus Groups developed by Craig Elliott PhD

- “Where do I donate? Why is the uprising violent? Should I go protest?” by Courtney Martin (June 1, 2020)

- ”White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” by Knapsack Peggy McIntosh

- “Who Gets to Be Afraid in America?” by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi | Atlantic (May 12, 2020)

Movies/TV Shows:

When They See Us

American Son

Hello Privilege, It’s Me, Chelsea

The 13th

Murder to Mercy: The Cyntoia Brown Story

What Happened Miss Simone?

The Two Killings of Sam Cooke

Who Killed Malcolm X?

The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson

Homecoming: A Film by Beyonce (Lighter in tone)

LA 92

Dear White People

Videos:

youtube

- Black Feminism & the Movement for Black Lives: Barbara Smith, Reina Gossett, Charlene Carruthers (50:48)

- “How Studying Privilege Systems Can Strengthen Compassion” | Peggy McIntosh at TEDxTimberlaneSchools (18:26)

- American Oxygen - Rihanna

- Formation - Beyonce

Podcasts:

- Malcolm X Speeches

- 1619 (New York Times)

- About Race

- Code Switch (NPR)

- Intersectionality Matters! hosted by Kimberlé Crenshaw

- Momentum: A Race Forward Podcast

Books:

- The Autobiography of Malcolm X

- Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About RaceBook by Reni Eddo-Lodge

- Black Feminist Thought by Patricia Hill Collins

- Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower by Dr. Brittney Cooper

- Heavy: An American Memoir by Kiese Laymon

- How To Be An Antiracist by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi

- I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

- Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson

- Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad

- Redefining Realness by Janet Mock

- So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

- The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin

- The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

- The Next American Revolution: Sustainable Activism for the Twenty-First Century by Grace Lee Boggs

- The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson

- This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color by Cherríe Moraga

- When Affirmative Action Was White: An Untold History of Racial Inequality in Twentieth-Century America by Ira Katznelson

- White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo, PhD

Follow:

- Shaun King: Instagram | Website

- Antiracism Center: Twitter

- Black Women’s Blueprint: Website

- Color Of Change: Website

- The Conscious Kid: Website | Instagram

- Equal Justice Initiative (EJI): Website | Twitter | Instagram

- NAACP: Twitter | Instagram |

- Ziwe | Instagram | (She has discussions about race with White people, kinda grilling them, every Thursday at 8 p.m. EST. Super thrilling to watch.)

Here’s Some Music Too:

Change Gonna Come - Sam Cooke

Chain Gang - Nina Simone

Missisippi Goddamn - Nina Simone

Fuck Da’ Police - N.W.A.

This is America - Childish Gambino

I’m Not Racist - Joyner Lucas

Fight the Power - Public Enemy

Freedom (Live) - Beyonce

I Can’t Breathe - H.E.R.

American Oxygen - Rihanna

Brown Skin Girl - Beyonce

My Playlist With A Few More

Black Artists Matter Playlist

What a large list! It looks so overwhelming! Don’t worry, you don’t have to read/watch/listen to everything. It takes a lot of effort!

Jk.

#blm #blacklivesmatter #white ally #ally #black lives matter #reblog

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ravenadottir · 3 years ago

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You know what? Thank you for reblogging/adding to that post about the hot mess that is Fusebox's handling of LGBTQ characters/content. At first I chalked it up to them having a small team and wanting to emulate the show (which is so straight it's painful sometimes) as much as possible to better market the game, but we're now almost 4 seasons in and as a queer person I am TIRED. They have an opportunity to make the game better and more inclusive in a way the show will frankly probably never be and they're just...not going to do that because ????? (Money. It's because of money). Yet in every survey they have these questions about diversity/identities/inclusivity we want to see so they can pretend like they're going to include it AND get it right.

And yeah, maybe some of it COULD be interpreted as "things a closeted person would say to deflect suspicion" (looking at you Chelsea, our "unfortunately I am very heterosexual" bra 👀), but the thing with that is it will only ever mean anything like that if they actually...write the narrative to show these characters are actually closeted/working through the process of discovering themselves. Which they won't!!!!! So we're just left here reading things into lines here and there trying to build some queer characterization that makes sense because the writers can't (or won't).

oh my god, THIS! ALL OF THIS!! money will always speak louder, and i'm confused on why they think they would lose players over better queer storylines, so they just give us scrapes and drafts.

because hey, if you think players wouldn't download the game and pay real money for it, the homophobia lies within. you're trying to predict something you're not even sure it's gonna happen.

and i follow fusebox on twitter and instagram, and i can say i've never seen people complaining about queer characters' screentime ????

"write the narrative to show these characters are actually closeted/working through the process of discovering themselves."

if there was any intention of bringing those arc to full circle there would be a finishing touch, some realization, development in interpersonal relationships that involve said sexuality somehow.

BUT NO.

there's never more than just joking around and being awkward about it. either they make girls run like criminals (WEDDING EPISODES HAVE ME IN ANGER SWEATING), or having a small crumb of content, and for what!??!

DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE BOYS.

i said last year that i hated what they did to tai and ciaran's storyline. it was so poorly handled and legit scary how they thought "yes, this is good. it's fine that we never planted a single seed of affection between them, not even a small sign of flirting or banter" and threw the coupling card around like it was nothing.

after so many players begged, OUT LOUD, for a bisexual male couple, after seeing what it was done i was left in tears, man. they really said "TAKE IT. ISN'T THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? NOW TAKE IT."

if the female characters already get the shorter end, the male ones don't even have an end to grab on!

what's the hold up about bi boys??? is it so hard to find them in the wild to get their perspective? cause i follow a shit ton of them on instagram and tik tok, and the subject about them always ends up being how biphobia hits their love life.

the whole point of including queer characters it's because we want people to realize IT'S NORMAL, and we need representation. just because male players are not the majority here it doesn't mean fusebox shouldn't get it done properly!

it feels like the company needs to open the discussion in their office, because this is painfully straight envisioned. besides, you mentioned the show, and i have to say, being based off it, they have the power to bring awareness so it won't stay a taboo.

saying "i'm not straight" shouldn't cause a wave of horror in people. it only stimulates more ignorance on the matter, and people fear what they don't understand.

not giving proper representation only brings more reasons to people dismiss it like it's nothing, but they forget REAL HUMANS ARE OUT HERE, PLAYING THE GAME, ADVERTISING IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA THROUGH MEMES, HEADCANONS, FANFICTION, BESIDES PAYING REAL MONEY TO CONTRIBUTE TO A GAME THAT BARELY CARES ABOUT THEM.

sexuality is a spectrum, and that's the very basic reason why it needs to be treated more carefully, AND MORE FREQUENTLY.

and thank you for your ask, you just legit said everything and a little more on it!

#litg #fusebox #love island the game #fusebox games

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lxwalls91 · 4 years ago

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.｡.:*♡ LEER

Hola! soy B este es mi blog larrie en Español e inglés, mis pronombres son she/her

Antes de seguirme:

Veo a Larry como una relación real no como un shipp

No creo en NINGÚN stunt incluyendo el bbg (L no es padre)

Pienso que nunca terminaron, sí tuvieron sus altibajos como una relación normal pero NUNCA rompieron

Hablo de 1D, Taylor Swift y Zayn no mucho pero si lo hago.

No creo en Ziam así que aquí no van a encontrar información

Esto NO es Twitter así que por favor ahórrate tus cometarios o si no serás bloqueado, este es mi propio blog y NO me puedes “cancelar” aquí,

Si alguna de esas cosas te molesta porfa no me sigas.

Esto es un faq de recopilaciones de links para poder informarte mucho mas fácil y que no te tome tanto “tiempo” (te va a tomar mucho)

Extras

Barbas/ Stunts/ Prs

Conceptos

Louis

Los siguientes links que les voy a dejar sobre Eleonour y sobre ella como persona son en inglés

Harry

Canciones

Larry y Queen relaciones entre letras

porque las canciones no son de rompimiento

Love you good bye | Steal my girl | Alive - Louis |

Louis

Harry

Adore you, el mapa de eroda y Louis’ the fish van conectados

Tatuajes

Guía | time line | i can’t change y comillas

Baby-gate

En el masterpost hay un tag que es “los osos Rbb&Sbb baby gate” en este momento no está funcionando así que les dejare un post aparte

Antes de leer el masterpost sobre el baby gate léanse primero el de los jugadores así se guían un poco mejor

Boobie-gate

Masterpost - En inglés

Leyes de custodia en California

Time lines y años

Eje cronológico larry - está en documento google y aparte videos del 2010-2018

Todos los años en español e ingles

Extras Larry

Louis

Harry

Lo estaré editando constantemente para agregar o quitar links que ya no funcionan

#louis tomlinson #harry styles #larry stylinson #bbg #babygate #faq post #one direction #fijado #pinned post

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plaidbooks · 4 years ago

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Hello!☺️ I love your writing so much !! Can I request something cute and fluffy for Barba x reader? Raf being a single dad, please? I can't stop thinking about it, the idea popped into my head and it doesn't go away 😂

Fatherhood

A/N: Heya Anon! Trying to come up with a way that Rafi is a father with no one knowing was fun haha! This is fluff with the slightest bit of angst. Hope you enjoy!

Tags: child abduction

Words: 1638

Taglist: @the-baby-bookworm @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy @infiniteoddball @ben-c-group-therapy @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @averyhotchner @mrsrafaelbarba @detective-giggles @dianilaws

It was a Saturday morning, and Rafael had the day off. Everyone made their jokes about what Rafael Barba even did on a day off—catch up on paperwork, get in a fight on Twitter with a defense attorney or idiot politician, or read up on some obscure law so he could use it in a trial to sound smarter than everyone else—but no one came close to what he actually did when not at work. Dressed in a loose polo shirt and jeans, he made the trip to his sister’s house. Not even Olivia knew his sister existed, let alone anyone else he worked with. Rafael had always been a private man, but he made sure to bury this side of his life so deep down, no one could use it against him…especially after the debacle with Willard digging into his personal bank account. Rafael was smarter, though; he wasn’t stupid enough to have this tied to his public life, his main bank account, his personal cell phone.

He knocked on the door, a wide smile on his face as a little girl with long, black hair and his green eyes answered. “Daddy!” she yelled, throwing the door open and launching herself into his torso.

“Alma, mi vida!” Rafael laughed, picking her up and kissing her cheek. When Rafael’s girlfriend slammed the door in his face 5 years ago, leaving a swaddled baby in his arms, he had no idea what to do. He waffled on the idea of putting her up for adoption, but his Mamí would have disowned him. It’s not that he didn’t instantly love Alma. But with his hectic schedule, and with his student loans and other bills, he had no idea how to care for a child. Thankfully, his Mamí, Abuelita, and sister had stepped up to help as much as they could. And so, he was there for his little Alma as much as he could be, and his sister watched her when he was stuck at work, or when Alma wasn’t in school. He paid for everything—with a private, separate bank account—and he never talked about her…to protect her. He saw how Olivia had to deal with threats, whether against her or Noah, and he didn’t think he could handle it. Even though he was a lawyer, not an NYPD officer, he still got threats on the reg, and he slept better knowing his daughter was safe…even if that meant not seeing her as often.

“Ready to go to the park?” Rafael asked, putting her on the ground. “Go grab your jacket; the wind is chilly.”

***************

On the walk to the park, Alma filled in Rafael on everything she had done at school this week. It was her first year in school, kindergarten, and she was excited to fill him in, even though they talked every evening on the phone.

“And then I got a gold star cause I knew the wholeeeee alphabet!” Alma said happily.

Rafael smiled down at her. “That’s because you’re the smartest girl in class!”

They walked by a small ice cream stand, and Alma screamed, “daddy, daddy! Ice cream!” And how could he ever say no to her? So, taking her hand in his, he walked up to the stand, getting Alma and himself an ice cream cone—chocolate swirl for her, vanilla for him. She absolutely covered hers in sprinkles, then giggled as she licked it, covering her face in rainbow chocolate. Rafael grinned, snapping a picture on his backup cell, and pulling out his emergency wet wipes.

***************

Days like today made Rafael the happiest man in the world. He laughed as Alma yelled, “daddy, look at me!” while she was on the play structure. He never took his eyes off her, making sure she was safe…well, as safe as a five-year-old could be on a playground with a bunch of other kids. Every time she tripped and fell, he had a mini heart attack, and he forced himself to not rush over to her. But then she’d get back up, laughing, and bounding around the playground once more.

“Is that one yours?” a woman asked, pointing at Alma.

Rafael turned to her, smiling proudly. “My one and only,” he replied.

“Aww, we should schedule a playdate with my little Chelsea! Look at them; they’re already becoming quick friends!” the woman said. Rafael looked back to where Alma was playing but frowned as he didn’t see her. Panic started to blossom in his chest as his eyes scanned the playground, searching for her pink jacket.

“Alma?” he called, his voice raised almost hysterically. He started rushing around the playground, looking everywhere. He only looked away for a second; where could she have gone? “Alma?!”

*****************

You were jogging down a familiar path in the park, your music low in your ears, breathing measured. Stopping for a moment to wipe the sweat from your brow, you glanced around, taking in the sights; there weren’t many people in this part of the park, mostly just other joggers. But one thing did catch your eye; a man leading a young girl across the grass at a brisk pace. Something seemed…wrong, off. The girl was…struggling? It could just be an unruly child, but…. Following your instinct, you jogged over.

“Excuse me, your daughter is adorable,” you said cautiously, unsure how else to stop him.

“Thanks,” he replied, barely glancing at you as he tried to move passed you.

You kept in front of him. “What’s her name?”

Before he could even answer, the girl whined, “I don’t know this man!”

Heart in your throat, you made eye contact with the man for a split second before instincts took over once again, your fist connecting with his jaw. He dropped to the grass, out cold, and you reached your hand out for the little girl to grab.

“What happened, honey? What’s your name?” you asked.

She looked at you with wide eyes, but she didn’t cry; she just looked shocked. “Alma…he grabbed my arm while I was on the slide,” she explained.

Just then, the man started to stir. You glanced around at the people jogging by, and you waved your free hand. “Hey, I need someone to call the police,” you called, moving to stand on the man’s back.

A woman with blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail noticed you and came jogging over. “I’m NYPD; what’s going on here?”

You explained the situation, and she called for backup. “I’m going to take this little girl back to the playground—find her parents,” you said.

“I, uh, I know you’re trying to help. But I can’t let you leave with that child,” the woman—Detective Rollins, she had said—replied.

“Look, I’m not in the market for becoming a mother. But I’m positive Alma’s is freaking out right now, and she deserves to know her daughter is safe,” you reasoned.

Rollins weighed her options—who knew how long it would take until backup came? And what if Alma’s parents didn’t come this direction? It was a big park; it was entirely possible that they wouldn’t.

“Yeah, okay, fine. But if I see this little girl on a missing person’s report, I will personally track you down,” she promised. You nodded, taking Alma’s hand in yours and heading towards the playground.

“Who are you here with?” you asked. This poor girl; she couldn’t have been more than five…. You were going to rip apart her parents.

“My daddy! I haven’t seen him all week, so he took me to the park to play,” Alma said, giggling. Yep, you were going to kill this man. First, he doesn’t spend enough time with his daughter, and then he lets her get abducted?

You and Alma had made it halfway to the playground before she pulled from your grasp with a scream of “daddy!” and rushed to a man, who in turn yelled her name. He ran to her, scooping her into his arms and hugging her tightly, kissing her forehead. It was an endearing sight, and you felt some of your anger ebb away at the action. His eyes locked to yours, and he made his way to you. The remaining anger left when you realized how attractive he was, his bright green eyes drawing you in.

“Are you the one that found Alma?” he asked, still clutching the girl to him as if he’d lose her again.

“I am, yeah. Some guy was trying to take her; I think a Detective Rollins is still waiting for officers to arrest the guy. It’d be nice if you went and talked to her, showed her that I did return your daughter to you—”

“No, I’m taking Alma home, where it’s safe,” he cut you off. You gave him a questioning look, and he quickly changed subjects. “Thank you so much, for saving my little girl. Is there anything I can do to repay you?”

“Besides talking to that detective for me?” you smirked. He opened his mouth to reply, before he was cut off.

“Daddy, can she come over for dinner?” Alma asked, giving you the biggest grin. You felt your cheeks warm and the man’s ears turned pink.

“Ah, only if it’s okay with her,” he replied, looking at you with an eyebrow raised.

You glanced at the hand wrapped around his daughter’s back; no wedding ring, no wife to make jealous. “Y-yeah, sure. I’d love to.” How could you say no to this little girl? She was just too damn cute.

“Yay!” she cheered, almost falling from her father’s grasp before he caught her.

He turned to walk back towards the playground, and you fell into step beside him. “My name is Rafael, by the way,” he said, holding out a hand for you to shake.

#rafael barba x reader #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfic #fanfic #my writing #Anonymous

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cathygeha · 4 years ago

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REVIEW

The Hate Project by Kris Ripper

The Love Study #2

Adored this Carina Adores romance! It had me smiling, caring, chuckling, and hoping for the best for two rather prickly characters. I will say that the story grew on me and I was not enamored at all by the end of the first chapter BUT by the end of the second chapter I was invested and wanted to know what would happen.

What I liked:

* The slow build of the relationship

* That the two men were not “easy” to love from the first moment you met them

* The group of friends that go by a name that would be censored if I typed it in her…they are there for one another no matter what.

* Being able to read and understand this book without having read book one in the series first

* Stepping into a world that is not my own

* Oscar: anxiety plagued, quirky, caring, organized, interesting, a person that as explained helped me understand better someone I know.

* Jack: bright, cautious, caring, loves his grandmother, a person with potential that is tapped in this story.

* That both characters became more and more real as I read, I was invested in them and their HEA was something I truly wanted them to achieve.

* Evelyn: Jack’s grandmother is a character and oh so lovable!

* The way the hoarding aspect of the story was handled

* Finding out what “The Secret” was

* All of it really except…

What I didn’t like:

* Having to say goodbye to the characters when the book ended…

Thank you to NetGalley and Harlequin-Carina Adores for the ARC – This is my honest review.

5 Stars

The Hate Project by Kris Ripper is available in eBook, trade paperback and audiobook formats on April 27th!

BOOK DESCRIPTION

This arrangement is either exactly what they need--or a total disaster

Oscar is a grouch.

That’s a well-established fact among his tight-knit friend group, and they love him anyway.

Jack is an ass.

Jack, who’s always ready with a sly insult, who can’t have a conversation without arguing, and who Oscar may or may not have hooked up with on a strict no-commitment, one-time-only basis. Even if it was extremely hot.

Together, they’re a bickering, combative mess.

When Oscar is fired (answering phones is not for the anxiety-ridden), he somehow ends up working for Jack. Maybe while cleaning out Jack’s grandmother’s house they can stop fighting long enough to turn a one-night stand into a frenemies-with-benefits situation.

The house is an archaeological dig of love and dysfunction, and while Oscar thought he was prepared, he wasn’t. It’s impossible to delve so deeply into someone’s past without coming to understand them at least a little, but Oscar has boundaries for a reason—even if sometimes Jack makes him want to break them all down.

After all, hating Jack is less of a risk than loving him…

The Love Study

Book 1: The Love Study (available now!)

Book 2: The Hate Project (available April 27)

Book 3: The Life Revamp (coming November 30)

Add The Hate Project to your Goodreads!

EXCERPT

I’d never had friends until college. And even then, I wouldn’t have had friends except that Ronnie and I were freshman year roommates (before she transitioned, obviously), and she was friends with Dec and Mase and Mia, and they came around a lot and just sort of looped me in. It happened slowly over that first year and suddenly I had…friends.

What’s that thing with snake poison, where you take it in small doses every day to grow your immunity to it? That’s what happened with the Motherfuckers. Eventually I built up a tolerance to their, like, happiness and friendliness and optimism. Now my brain just recognizes them as a part of me. The same thing probably happened to them: eventually they built up a tolerance to my moods and freak-outs.

The most important thing you need to know about my friends is that they’re all way better people than I am. You can tell because they threw me a pity party. There’s the aforementioned Declan and Sidney, who got together during the commission of a video series called The Love Study on Sidney’s YouTube channel. Then there’s Mia and Ronnie, disgustingly married to each other. And the last of the official Motherfuckers is Mason, who once tried to get married (to Dec) and was left at the altar (by Dec). Which was awkward for a while, but now it’s fine. Though of all of us Mase is the one who wants a white picket fence and 2.5 kids.

Sounds fucking awful to me, but to each his own, I don’t judge, whatever floats your life raft, et cetera.

Since I didn’t want to get my impotent rage-slash-panic germs on anyone, I took up a seat in the corner and didn’t leave it except to use the bathroom and acquire victuals. By which I mean vegan, gluten-free, cauliflower-based pizza that turned out to be delicious. It used to be that my friends had an informal rotation for who’d sit with me, trading off for the duration of the social event, but that was before Jack. Jack was new to the group. Dec had collected him from work, and for reasons I didn’t understand (I would have suspected sexual favors if I didn’t know better), he kept mostly showing up to drinks with the Motherfuckers. And was now also on the invite list for ad hoc gatherings to celebrate catastrophic job loss.

Jack and I had no other setting with each other than arguing. Since neither of us was all that nice (and everyone else in the Motherfuckers was very nice), it worked out. He thinks he knows everything, I definitely know everything, and even though for the most part we would arrive at the same point from different angles, we spent most of our fights poking at each other’s angles to prove they were incorrect.

I probably shouldn’t have been surprised when it turned out bickering was actually foreplay.

Since the party was in my honor I was obligated to stay through dinner, and I did. In my corner. Weathering the well-intended reassurances of my friends was hard enough, but when Dec brought out one of those quirky adult card games where kittens exploded I had to get the hell out of there. Too much goodness on a bad day.

Jack apparently had a similar thought. It wasn’t the first time we’d made our escape at the same moment. This time, instead of parting ways on the sidewalk with a lukewarm we know each other through friends wave, both of us stopped.

He stopped a second before I did, which I immediately decided made him more desperate. It wasn’t charitable, but I believe in keeping track of who has the advantage in any encounter. Even a one-off.

“I live ten minutes away,” he said.

“Good for you.”

His lips twisted a little, from not-smile to not-impressed. “This is a pity fuck, Oscar. Take it or leave it.” With that he turned and made for a black two-door something-something on the other side of the street.

I hesitated. For about five seconds. But following up a pity party with a pity fuck sounded about right. “Just to clarify,” I called as I caught up with him, “I don’t do relationships.”

He hit a button that unlocked his car. “Just to clarify, I’m not offering one.”

Carina Adores is home to highly romantic contemporary love stories featuring beloved romance tropes, where LGBTQ+ characters find their happily-ever-afters.

A new Carina Adores title is available each month in trade paperback, ebook and audiobook formats.

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● Teddy Spenser Isn’t Looking for Love by Kim Fielding (available now!)

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● Hard Sell by Hudson Lin (coming May 25)

● For the Love of April French by Penny Aimes (coming August 31)

● Sailor Proof by Annabeth Albert (coming September 28)

● Meet Me in Madrid by Verity Lowell (coming October 26)

● The Life Revamp by Kris Ripper (coming November 30)

Buy The Hate Project by Kris Ripper Links

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kris Ripper lives in the great state of California and zir pronouns are ze/zir. Kris shares a converted garage with a kid, can do two pull-ups in a row, and can write backwards. (No, really.) Ze has been writing fiction since ze learned how to write, and boring zir stuffed animals with stories long before that.

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5hfanfiction · 6 years ago

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Why Did I Get Married? (Camren)

Chapter 16: The Kiss

“Paint a picture for you and me, Of the days when we were young, Singing at the top of both our lungs, On the day we fell in love. On the day we fell in love.”

Camila strummed her guitar mindlessly as sang the words softly to herself, unaware as to wife looking on. She had pushed her album release back by a couple of months; it was scheduled to drop sometime over the summer, and she most likely would’ve been touring for the rest of the year. But the tour wasn’t set in stone as yet.

Her album was completed, with eighteen songs because dropping an album with only ten songs and a radio edit was ridiculous. Definitely not something Camila would do.

“Hey,” Lauren said as she entered the room, startling her wife. “That’s a nice song. Is it on the album?”

Camila nodded. “Y-yeah,” she stammered completely caught off guard. “It’s called ‘2002’.”

She took a seat on their bed next to her wife, who turned her body in her direction. “So when can I get to hear your songs?”

The singer smirked. “You’ll just have to wait like everyone, Laur. Pre-Save my album on Spotify and Pre-Order 'The Hurting, The Healing, The Loving’ on iTunes.”

Lauren rolled her eyes. “That’s not fair! Being married to you meant hat I’ll get early access to your music. Come on give me the links.”

“So you can leak it?” Camila slipped her guitar back into its case and got off the bed. “No can do, babe. You just got to wait just like the rest of the world.”

“Am I not invited to your album release party?” Lauren pouted. “I’ll even bring snacks.”

Camila shook her head and laughed. “Fine. You’re invited. Give me your phone,” her wife stared at her, silently asking why she wanted it in the first place. “I’m going to put the songs on it, jeez. I’m not going to look at your nudes that you haven’t sent me yet.”

Lauren choked on air. “W-what?” She stuttered. “I don’t…I don’t… I mean I don’t have nudes on my phone. I just wanted to know why you wanted it. That’s all.”

The younger woman just smirked and took the phone from her wife, connecting it to her MacBook and transferred the songs.

“There you go. You can listen to it on your flight to Milan,” Camila handed the phone back to her wife. “Are you nervous?”

Lauren scrolled through her phone looking for Camila’s music, ignoring her wife. That was until the woman waved her hand in front of her wife’s face snapping Lauren out of it. “Huh?”

“I asked, are you nervous about meeting the Dos Santos, dude?”

The photographer shook her head 'no’. “Not really, no. I’m more nervous about leaving Izzy. I’ve never been away from her for so long. It’s going to hurt.” She sighed.

“Hurt you? Or hurt Izzy?” Camila took a seat next to her wife, taking her hand in hers. Lauren didn’t respond, she simply sighed. “Lauren, you do know following your dreams doesn’t make you a bad mother right? The same can’t be said about me.” Camila shrugged. “But it’s different with you. You’ve been giving 100% throughout Izzy’s life, you should at least give that into your career and making yourself happy as well.”

“I just don’t want to hurt Izzy, you know? I don’t want her to think the both of us are abandoning her,” Lauren sighed. “We already did it when we took that break from one another. Even though it was just for a few days.”

Camila took her wife’s face in her hands, forcing the woman to look at her, to look into her eyes. "You’re not abandoning her. Izzy knows that. She loves you.”

***

“Lauren,” Marissa greeted the woman. “You’re alone?” She asked as she typed something on the computer, looking at Doctor Briggs appointments today. “Oh right. Your one on one session with Doctor Briggs is today and Camila’s is next week.”

The photographer nodded in confirmation. “Yeah, is Doctor Briggs in as yet?”

“No. She’s running a bit late, why don’t you take a seat?” The secretary gestured to the empty waiting room, besides for a couple who were too engrossed in bickering quietly, to notice someone else had taken a seat.

Lauren awkwardly cleared her throat and pulled out her phone. There were a bunch of notifications; mostly from Maggie tagging her in shit on Instagram. She scrolled through twitter for a bit and saw a tweet her sister had just tweeted.

@ thecoolerjauregui Sometimes I feel like bread is the only thing I’ll ever love

Lauren snorted loudly. Her sister had a tendency for tweeting dumb shit and always had a lot of retweets. She questioned the sanity of her fans.

Lauren closed the app and then decided to respond to Natasha.

Natasha: Are we still on for tonight?

Lauren: Why wouldn’t we be?

Natasha: Just checking. I know you didn’t want to leave your precious lil familia.

Lauren rolled her eyes and tucked her phone away. She knew her friend didn’t mean it in a bad way. Natasha of all people would understand why she was willing to give up her dreams for her family.

It took a few minutes for Doctor Briggs to come in and a couple more until Lauren’s appointment began.

“Good morning, Lauren. How are you today?” The therapist asked as she grabbed her clipboard and iPad.

Lauren shrugged. “I’m doing alright. Just a bit excited slash nervous about a job I have later. I’ll be heading to Milan.”

Chelsea nodded. “And Camila? What does she think about you having to go?”

“She actually wanted me to. She was really supportive about the whole thing,” Lauren smiled. Between the two, Camila seemed like the one who was actually living out her dreams. Sure, Lauren was happy being a photographer but she had turned down so many opportunities for her family. She was finally happy that she didn’t have to turn down this one.

Doctor Briggs wrote in her clipboard and flipped the page stopping on their assignment. “What about your assignment? How did that play out?”

The photographer awkwardly ran her fingers through her hair. “I actually didn’t make the list. I didn’t feel like it was necessary to make something like that. I love everything about her.”

Being in love with someone meant that you took the good with the bad. The ugly as well; just look at Beyoncé for example. But sometimes, there’s the littlest of things that irk you about your partner.

Doctor Briggs smiled. “Oh really? There’s nothing about Camila that you don’t like?”

“I mean…she isn’t the best listener. Not that she won’t listen to me. She hogs the bed. I kind of forgot about that because we hadn’t slept with each other for so long, but she’s also an amazing cuddle buddy,” Lauren rambled. It seemed as though even though the things about Camila that annoyed her, she always found the bright side of it.

“I don’t like how she put her career over us, over her family, but I love how she’s trying.”

“What do you mean, "trying”?“ The therapist asked.

Lauren mindlessly played with the zipper of her jacket. "I didn’t realise it until it was constantly brought to my attention. How she was home a lot longer now. How she pushed her album release date back. How she wasn’t sure if there was going to be a tour,” Doctor Briggs nodded. “But I don’t want her to give up her career for us. I want her to balance it. The way I do. And I guess, she’s having trouble doing that.”

“Do you have any ideas on how to help her balance her career and her family life?”

The woman shrugged. “I don’t know. I think that’s something we have to sit and discuss together. But I can see that she’s trying. I think even Izzy can see it.” Lauren admitted. Which was true, even though Izzy was still torn up about Camila always having to leave her, she seemed to have accepted the fact that her mother would return to her. Even though she would rather her being home with her all the time.

“Is there anything else you’ll want to add to your list? Any quirks or bad habits?” Doctor Briggs asked. It was not to say that there was anything wrong with Camila, but sometimes even your partner who you claim to love, there’s always something you don’t like about them.

Lauren combed her fingers through her hair and shrugged. “There’s really nothing that’s unbearable about her.”

The therapist decided against pushing the subject seeing that Lauren clearly seemed to have no issues with her wife besides what was stated. “Okay, I’m going to ask you some questions now.” The client nodded. “You and Camila met when you were very young, yes?”

Lauren nodded again. “Yes. We were 15 and 16. We attended the same high school.”

“How was your high school life like?”

She shrugged. “It wasn’t the best but at the same time it wasn’t horrible. I wasn’t popular like Camila was. I had a close knit group of friends who I’m still close with but they all live overseas.” Lauren sighed at the memory of her high-school days. “I was picked on by a couple of girls in my year. They used to call me names; said I was a freak. They picked on me for other things,” Lauren folded her hands into a fist at her sides. The thought of having to relieve those days, of not standing up for herself made her angry. How could someone just target someone else and for no apparent reason? “But I rather not relieve it. They weren’t good memories.”

Chelsea had been scribbling in her pad and paused for a moment to look at her patient’s emotions. It was clear that she still harbored some sort of animosity towards what happened to her.

“How was your relationship with Camila during high school? Were anyone opposed to the idea of you two dating?”

Lauren looked straight ahead and stared at the wall behind her therapist. She sighed. “I think the only people who didn’t give a shit about our relationship were the teachers and our friends. Everyone said Camila was too good for me.” She shrugged. Which they were right. Camila was the captain of the cheer squad, the teacher’s pet, she was acing all her classes but yet, she still had such an active social life. She was the school’s golden child. And Lauren? She had always felt inferior to her wife, even to this day. She always felt like she didn’t deserve Camila and that she could’ve done so much better.

Sure, she knew Camila had loved her. They had gotten married after all, but there’s always that voice in the back of your head where you think the person you’re dating or who your married to could’ve done so much better than you.

“What did Camila have to say about that?”

Lauren laughed and shook her head. “Camila couldn’t give a shit what people had to say. That’s what I love the most about her. She doesn’t care about what irrelevant people think about her or the people she cares about,” she sighed and looked at the therapist. “But I’m not Camila. What they said…what her fans say sometimes about me? It hurts.” She stressed. They always say when you’re famous not to read the comments, but how would know you the good things people are saying if you don’t read them?

You can receive thousands of 'I love yous’, 'You’re beautiful,’ but the one bad comment? That’s the one that sticks with you. That’s the one that you constantly think about even if you don’t want to, and you can’t help but wonder what you can do to improve yourself. To make them like you.

What do people get out of hurting someone?

What do they get out of sitting behind their computer screens, or typing behind their iPhones and saying shit no one asked them to say?

And the thing is, if the roles were reversed, they wouldn’t like it. So why do they do it?

It fucks with you because it’s truly not your fault. You can’t make someone like you

“So Camila was happy in the relationship?”

Lauren nodded. “Yes. She was. We got married for a reason,” she subtly rolled her eyes. Unless Camila married her for money, then that was a story for another day. “I am too. Well, not like I used to be, because we aren’t what we were, but we’re getting there. I can’t imagine a world without her.”

Doctor Briggs placed her iPad on the table next to her chair and took off her glasses. “Lauren, you realise that your insecurities are something that’s affecting your relationship right? It’s stopping you from reaching your full potential in your marriage.” The photographer sighed heavily and looked down. She knew it was a major blockage but she couldn’t help it. “You both are married and from what you’ve told me and what I observed, Camila does not want to be here at therapy because she’s afraid that word gets out, but she’s still coming to therapy to work this out.”

“I…I know,” Lauren stammered. “She’s home a lot more now, she’s trying. She’s trying to be there for us…for Izzy. We talk a lot more now. We went to Paris for her birthday….and the things she told me, I know she wants us to work. I want us to work too.” She remembered the way Camila held her in her arms, they way they looked at one another. It finally felt like them again.

“Then what’s holding you back from letting go of all these self doubts?”

Lauren placed her face in her hand and sighed heavily, pausing for quite sometime. “Because…because everyone leaves. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Everyone lies, everyone forgets me, hurts me and they give up on me,” she laughed bitterly. But when she raised her head, Chelsea could see that there were tears in her eyes. “Am I that bad? Really? Am I that bad that the first girl I liked to have shown interest in me, fucked me over because of some dumb bet? She broke my heart and shattered my self esteem…” she wiped at her eyes harshly. “And my dad…the man who I looked up to as a kid. Who I wanted to be just like. He fucked us over, he fucked my family over because of some fucking maid!” Doctor Briggs sat upright in her seat and grabbed her notepad again. “I loved him! I loved my parents’ marriage so much. I idolized them and then…then I get to find out that he cheated on my mother for years. My mom was just a house wife. A nobody. She didn’t go to college. She didn’t have the money my dad had, they were from two different worlds but yet they somehow seemed to make it work…all for it to fall apart.”

Maybe that was Lauren’s fear…that one day Camila would realise that she was too good for her. That she would break her heart the same way that mystery girl did. The same way her dad did.

Everyone eventually realises their worth, right?

“I see how broken my mom is after my dad. She still loves him. There’s still love there, but love can’t mend a shattered heart,” she ran her hands through her hair. “I don’t want to break Camila’s heart to save mine, but I don’t want what I see happening around me…to happen to me.” Lauren looked at Doctor Briggs. “Have you ever gotten your heart broken?”

The therapist kinked an eyebrow. She was accustomed to people directing her questions back at her, but this one was different. “Yes, Lauren. I did. A long time ago. It took quite some time to get over it, but I did eventually.”

“Are you married?”

Chelsea nodded. “Yes. To my husband Daryl. We’ve been together for five years now and we have a two year old son.”

Lauren nodded and sat back in her seat. She ran her hands through her hair and fixed her jacket. No one spoke. “I don’t want to break my daughter’s heart the same way my dad broke mine. The same way my parents are breaking my sister’s. No one wants to tell her because we know she can’t handle the truth…but I can see that it’s hurting her. Not having our mom and dad together. I would do anything for Izzy.”

“Lauren…” Chelsea began. “You are not your father, you’re not your parents, you know that right?” The woman nodded. “Just by saying that you would do anything for your daughter, you realise that, that is a step in the right direction?” She nodded slowly. “What happened to you was unfortunate, but some times things like that cannot be changed. Your father did what he did for reasons, but your circumstances are different. You accept that you’re at fault and that you’re willing to make your marriage work.”

“But will that…will that be enough in the long run?”

“I cannot answer that for you. If you and your partner realise that it’s not making any sense and that you both should move on…then that’s your decision to make.” Which was in fact true. Doctor Briggs could not play Cupid and decide if they should stay together or not. She was simply a mediator and was trying to lead them on the right path and for them to realise their issues and help them to try to solve it. “I’m going to ask you some questions based on your compatibility test. Okay?”

Lauren sighed heavily. This session was taking a lot of her and she couldn’t wait for it to be finally over.

“When asked the question 'What is my biggest fear?’ how do you think Camila answered based on what she thought was your fear?” The therapist asked. She placed her hand under her chin and studied her client.

Lauren thought about it for a moment. They were 91% compatible which meant that there answers were somewhat similar. “Losing our family. Losing her. That’s my biggest fear and I think after everything we’ve been true, I think Camila knew what the answer was.”

Doctor Briggs nodded. “Yes, she did. That’s what she said.” The Latina kinked an eyebrow, but she didn’t say anything. “What about when asked 'What is my favourite thing we’ve bought together?’ What do you think she said?”

She wracked her brain for an answer. She never admitted such a thing to Camila so she wasn’t sure if her wife knew what it was. “I guess, well to me, the favourite thing we bought together was our home. It’s not as lavish as other celebrity homes, and my wife isn’t one for material things, but she did want a nice home with a beautiful backyard for our daughter to play in and for us to make many memories in. So when we saw that house…"Lauren paused and stared into space, as though she was reliving the memory. She smiled to herself. "We just knew that we could’ve made a home out of it. It was perfect for us.”

Doctor Briggs nodded again. This had caught Lauren off guard. Her wife knew her a lot more than she thought. Sometimes, you don’t have to say something to someone for them to know, if they’re paying attention, they’ll realise. They’ll realise when something upsets you just by the change of your mood or the tone of your voice. They’ll see the way your eyes light up and they’ll know you like something, or the way you constantly talk about something and they’ll know how much you want it.

They’ll know if they pay attention.

“Lastly, 'What is the colour of my eyes?’ What do you think she said?” The therapist jotted down some notes on Lauren’s reaction as to the answers of her wife. Clearly, not expecting any of this.

Lauren shrugged. “I would’ve just said green, to be honest. Even though I hate when people say that because it’s not actually green. But the easier answer would be green.” She paused. “But Camila doesn’t do easy. I think she probably said at first glance it was green, but when the light hits them, they turn grey.”

Chelsea had a small smile on her face. “You forgot the part where she said 'if you were to look really close around the iris, it’s like an explosion of colours. And when you look into the sun, then she could get lost in your eyes for an eternity.” The woman smiled; there was also a light shade of pink that tinted her cheeks as well. Camila definitely knew her.

“Wow,” was all Lauren muttered under her breath.

“I guess it’s safe to say you and your wife know each other quite well,” Doctor Briggs said as she wrote in her pad. She scribbled a bit more until she looked at the clock to realise that time was winding down. “I have an assignment for you. Your relationship has been progressing and seemingly moving a lot faster than the average one; that has been in distress, might I add. It only seems fitting now, that you two were to rebuild your physical relationship.”

Lauren’s eyes were opened widely at the mention of a 'physical relationship’. Sure, she wanted to get her wife back into bed, but she wasn’t ready for that step as yet.

“I don’t mean sex,” Doctor Briggs saw that her client had visibly relaxed instantly. “I meant, a kiss. Do something romantic that will lead up to having a kiss. Not a peck but an actual kiss filled with passion.”

“And tongue?” Lauren laughed.

The therapist shrugged. “If that is passionate to you, then I say go for it. Don’t rush into it. Don’t try to make it happen because I said you have to kiss. Find the perfect moment and seize it. Gauge her reaction to it as well and see if she wants it, if you want it.”

“What if she pushes me off before I get the chance to do it?”

“Judging from what you told me, from what I witnessed firsthand, I don’t think she will push you off,” Doctor Briggs took a sip of her coffee that she had seemed to have forgotten about. It was cold, but anything was better than piping hot coffee. Am I right or am I right? “You said that she’s trying to make things work right? And your trip to Paris was also a success?”

Lauren nodded, the memory of their almost kiss came rushing back into her mind. She wanted to kiss her, right then and there, but she didn’t think they were ready. She didn’t think that was the right time.

“Then…I’m expecting to hear about your assignment when we meet next. Can you please inform Camila that next session will just be her alone?”

***

“Izzy?” Camila called out to their daughter who was engrossed in the show she was watching. “EMILIA ISABELLA!” She yelled.

Lauren was startled when she reentered their home and so was their child. “Woah, Camz. What’s wrong?”

Camila stomped frustratedly into the living room. “I’ve been calling her for the last few minutes and she wasn’t answering.”

The child’s other mother turned to look at her as she shrugged off her jacket. “Izzy, how many times do I have to tell you to answer when one of us is calling you?”

Izzy hung her head. “I’m sorry, mama. Sorry, mummy. I just like the tv show. I didn’t watch it yesterday so I wanted to catch up.”

Camila sighed, and stooped to her daughter’s level. “It’s okay, baby. But next time, you’re to answer me okay?” Izzy nodded. “Can you go wash up for dinner?” The child headed to the washroom while Camila turned to her wife. “How was your session?”

Lauren walked into the kitchen with her wife trailing behind her. “It was fine. I got a revelation and all that jazz, so it was really good.” She washed her hands, then took a seat at the dining table. Izzy entered the room and Camila helped her up.

“Mama?”

“Yes, mija?”

Izzy moved some food around in her plate and she looked at her mother. “You’re leaving tonight right?” Lauren nodded slowly. “When are you coming back?”

The photographer was somewhat relieved as the child asked her 'when’ she was coming back, which meant that Izzy knew she wasn’t going to abandon her. “In two weeks, baby. But I’ll try to come back sooner. Okay?”

Izzy nodded. “Can we FaceTime everyday?”

Her mother nodded. “Your mummy would be here with you and you’ll have aunty Maggie.”

Camila shook her head 'no’. “Actually, Maggie has a modelling gig in Madrid. So it’ll just me and you. You and me. Both of us….togetherrrrr.” She tickled her daughter causing her to giggle.

“Mike Wazowski,” Izzy said through her giggles.

Lauren shook her head smiling. “I’m living with children.”

Her wife stuck her tongue out at her. “You love us. Don’t deny it.”

The little family engaged in their typical banter. It had been quite some time since this had happened; especially since you know. But over the weeks, home finally started to feel like home again.

Lauren stopped talking and just looked at her family smiling to herself. This was what she wanted. A wife who she was in love with, and a symbol of their love; Izzy, to nurture and shower with their undying love and affection.

Here’s the thing; you can’t choose someone who doesn’t choose you. You just can’t. Because your person is going to be your person until your dying breath. Not only when you just met, and you’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, but when things get messy and tough and you don’t know if you want this anymore. You have to make sure that you have someone by your side who actually wants to be there.

Someone who puts in just as much effort as you do. Someone who makes you laugh, and who you want to wake up every morning to the sound of their breathing; to having their limbs intertwined with yours.

There’s difficult times in your life, really bad, hurtful, messy shit happens that makes life heavy and unbearable at times.

But love?

Love should be there with its arms wrapped around you, whispering into your ear that everything is going to be okay.

Love should be there chartering your ship out of those stormy seas.

Love should be your safe place.

Please, please don’t give the best parts of yourself to someone who doesn’t see the value in what they have. Don’t give yourself to someone who isn’t patient, who doesn’t understand you, who doesn’t see the cracks in you and tries to hold it together.

Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t look at you and sees a home in you.

***

Camila reentered their room, drying her hair with a towel. Her wife threw on her jacket, and jumped when she saw her. “Hey, I didn’t hear you come in.”

The singer shrugged. “I’m a ninja.”

Lauren rolled her eyes. “I just put Izzy to bed. Natasha should be here soon.” Camila nodded and approached her wife, adjusting her jacket. She visibly gulped at the closeness. How easy would it be to just kiss her, to finally taste her lips again.

Camila stepped away from her wife. “Are you nervous?” She asked.

Lauren sighed. “To be honest? I think the nerves are starting to kick in. I mean, I’ve always wanted to work with this guy, Camz!” She exclaimed. “And it’s finally going to happen. What if I mess this up?”

Camila didn’t respond. Instead, she headed into their shared closet and pulled out a box overhead. Setting it on their bed, she gestured for her wife to sit beside her. “Does any of this look familiar?”

Lauren took some of the photographs out of the box and smiled. They were polaroids she took over the years of them being together. Most of them were from the dates they went to, candids of Camila, nature and so much more. “Wow,” Lauren whispered under her breath. “I can’t believe you kept these.”

Camila smiled. “Why wouldn’t I? I’m your biggest fan.”

“I just- wow. These are a lot different to what I do now.”

Camila handed Lauren a picture of the both of them. She couldn’t remember who had taken it, but they looked so happy, so in love. It was when Lauren had just started NYU, and had begun her degree in photography. “Why did you choose to do photography?”

Lauren looked up from the picture in her hand, to her wife. “There’s just something about capturing a moment, that really gets to me. Things change, people change, but pictures are forever.”

“This was when you were doing photography for fun, Laur. Without worrying about having to impress some big shot designer or whatever he is,” Camila shrugged. She couldn’t care about the guy. “This was when you did photography for you. Don’t let the desire of pleasing someone get to you. Do this for you. This is your life, your career. Make yourself happy first.”

Lauren looked at her wife in disbelief. Camila had always supported her over the years, but eventually she had stopped saying these things.

She had always loved her job and what she did, but as time went by, Lauren only tried to please her clients. She had done things in her career she never would’ve done. The love for her art had slowly started to disappear. But hearing what her wife just said, finally made her realise what had been happening.

So she smiled at Camila. “Thank you.”

The brunette shook her head. “No need to thank me, amor. You have to make yourself happy before anyone else.” Camila repacked the photographs into her box and placed it where it used to be. When she turned around, Lauren was standing not too far off from her.

Lauren inched closer until they were practically in each other’s personal space. Either not knowing just how fast the other’s heart was racing. Lauren traced her wife’s jaw with her index finger, and stared into her eyes looking for any sort of hesitancy.

Their lips were on each other’s. It was both familiar and a strange territory to the two. Camila sighed into Lauren’s mouth as her wife traced her lips with her tongue seeking entrance.

As their tongue touched, Lauren felt the instant connection she always felt with her wife. Her chest was bursting with emotions. Their tongues met eagerly in a dance that they both knew all too well. Similar to the push and pull of the tides, they gave and took with ease. Lauren caressed her wife’s body with such care; Camila thought it felt as though if she had touched her the wrong way, she would’ve ended the kiss.

Lauren however, was intent on savouring every moment of this kiss. It had been so long since she shared a moment like this with her wife. She was intent on worshipping the woman she was in love with.

She slowly made her way down Camila’s neck, creating a fire within her that she had felt every single time they kissed so passionately.

Afraid that they were going too far, Camila gently placed her hand on her wife’s chest pushing her off. They didn’t speak; looking at her wife, her eye’s were dilated and her chest was heaving up and down.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” Lauren stuttered our. “I-I…”

Camila pulled her back in for a quick kiss to assure her that everything was okay. “Don’t you dare apologise for kissing me like that. Ever.” She smiled and traced her wife’s lips with her finger. “That was perfect.”

*** Y'all finally got your kiss! Yayy 🙄

Hope y'all enjoyed the chapter 🦋 Until next timeeee. Wattpad:Commander_Camren

#series #family #UPDATE #camren #romance fluff #angst drama #g!p #humour #submission #Why Did I Get Married

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forgettinggirlinterrpted · 6 years ago

Text

Sunday 5/6

My roommates name is Shauna. She doesn’t flush and when I got here there was what I can only assume were soiled clothes in a brown paper bag.

A woman in the hall is also talking about her shit. I’m the youngest person here and im afraid to shower, there’s no door. The poop lady is cackling.

My roommate and I talked, she’s nice, and I met her night nurse and she is so nice. Her name is Maria.

I’m having a hard time figuring out why I feel like this. Its hard b/c I’ve been hungover but surely that’s not all it is. How do you recover from a hangover so bad you end up in a psych ward?

It weird not having my phone, I want to check twitter. I don’t want to go to group therapy tomorrow.

I just can’t stop crying, my eyes actually hurt.

My mouth tastes bad but I have no toothpaste.

I started reading this book called notorious nineteen and it is truly trash.

I don’t have the lights on bc Shauna’s sleeping- I feel like Mozart.

My eyes hurt, I might go call my dad again to get my moms phone number.

Ill be back.

Got Taylor’s # and called her/my mom. Maria gave me some antihistamines to try to calm me down/sleep.

My sisters want to come visit me on Tuesday.

I’ve only eaten a donut this morning.

There’s a painting of a window that is 100% mocking me.

I’m sweaty.

Some snaps I would be sending if I had my phone

*a pic of the little card that was on my bed when I came in w/ a number on it for housekeeping. Caption idea-

is this a joke?

It’s a work in progress.

*def a snap of me whipping/nay naying to the woman whose been singing in the hall all night (singer)

Shauna is snoring. There’s no joke there but its absolutely worth noting.

I just want to play candy crush.

Monday

(12:30 pmish) I feel like I’m in a dream. I’ve been sleeping all day- it turns out it was only like 3 hours tops.

I had so many dreams.

I just went and talked to a big ass table of doctors about my life and I just feel so groggy. They’re in there talking about me.

I skipped lunch b/c my tummy hurt so bad after breakfast.

Shauna puked everywhere.

I think she’s leaving.

Also turns out she’s in withdrawal AND pregnant.

And she has an infected injection site on her arm.

I just talked to my mom/dad/Taylor and asked them to bring me some books + shirts.

The nice psychiatrist said she would give me some adavan to calm me down. Also I skipped lunch b/c my stomach hurt so bad from breakfast but now I’m hungry so I guess they’re gonna order me something. I feel so weird. (might have napped here)

4ish pm

40 mg stratera (sp?), one mg atavan.

Finally left my room, I’ve been asleep all day.

Nurse went and got me a coke + a water and I saw they’re watching forgetting Sarah Marshall so I thought Id join. Everyone called me out when I came in since ive been hiding out. Bitches.

Movies suggested by the dude I’m watching FSM w/

- assassin’s creed

-Dogma

10 positive ways to describe myself

1. Legs that go up to my asshole

2. College educated

3. Big heart

4. Good sense of humor

5. Love babies

6. Love my friends

7. Good communicator

8. Love the outside

9. Big smile

10. Lovely family

9 positive coping skills

1. Talk to Taylor

2. Going on walks

3. Calling my parents

4. Reading

5. Going to therapy

6. Doing hw

7. Watching movies

8. Candy crush (questionable)

9. Eating veggies

8 things I’ve accomplished

1. College

2. Getting into grad school

3. Learning Spanish

4. Coming to the hospital

5. Making great friends

6. Moving a lot and making it through

7. Driving to SLC

8. Supporting myself (for the most part)

7 healthy things I can do each day

1. Eat well

2. Shower

3. Talk to my friends

4. Not drink

5. Clean my room

6. Clean my clothes

7. Do my hw

6 things I can change

1. My eating habits

2. Drinking

3. Exercising more

4. Getting a routine

5. Whitening my teeth

6. How I see myself

5 things I can’t change

1. How my family acts

2. How my friends act

3. The status of the US public school system

4. The amount of sunlight in my apt

5. My face

4 reasons I can’t give up

1. My family

2. I’m going to change the world

3. My friends

4. My future students

3 places I can get help

1. w/ dr. whose name I can’t remember

2. my apt (Taylor)

3. the hospital

2 people I can really trust

1. Taylor

2. my parents

1 reason I’m here

1. I need to not feel like this anymore

I’m holding myself back from asking why everyone’s here.

Assassin’s creed guy, also known as biting guy (an inside joke from earlier) and sweater girl are talking about if the food delivery guy has extensions.

We got called to dinner, now were finishing Sarah Marshall.

Biter dude told hair guy “nice hair”.

Oh my god, when peter sings about how much he hates himself, biter and white shirt turned to me and said dang sounds like he’s going to be in the room next o me! way to be self aware guys!

Just called my dad to find out about my stuff getting dropped off but turns out he did 2 hours ago and its all been in my room.

I started crying immediately b/c Taylor is amazing- she brought me the perfect books. It was like she was talking to me through the books.

She gave me b Franks autobiography and Jesse Donaldson’s ‘on homesickness’. And the book Amanda gave me. also wuthering heights and pastures of heaven. All so perfect.

Shirts is roasting the shit out of double lasagna (he ate… double the lasagna we all got for dinner).

He keeps saying he looks like he’s about to give birth

“I mean were already in the hospital we just gotta figure out what floor is maternity”

Wuthering Heights

1801- Mr. Lockwood +Heathcliff

Thrushcross Grange

Double lasagna is talking about the last time he had tequila- brother the last time I drank it I ended up here.

What an anecdote.

“they could have stolen my jewelry or even my virginity!” – about the guys who helped when he got too drunk. Double lasagna’s real name is * but he just introduced himself as Dorothy (to hair the night nurse helper).

Fake Abby (biting guy came to my room thinking I was her) is here and shirt just said “you’re awfully quiet” and she rejected him hard. It was awk.

One of the helpers is just chillin in here w/ us while I read my shitty book and we watch “just go w/ it” – its so bad.

One of the nurses (pony tail) just made me go on a walk down the hall w/ him. They all keep asking me how I’m feeling and I keep saying fine but I’m not. As long as I don’t talk I don’t cry. I’m starting to think I want to stay here longer but also leave right away. Its all so confusing.

Double lasagna just asked hair nurse if he could have his phone out of his bag and the way just looked up from his phone and said “nuh uh” was iconic.

Its 805 pm and I think I’m going see about getting my sleeping pills so I can just crash.

I need to document stuff better tomorrow b/c I don’t like how much of a blur today is.

I finally showered and I feel better I think. I just don’t know what the move is once I get out. Like I don't know how to talk to anyone.

I need Taylor to contact Morgan I think.

I’m sure she’s confused. Or maybe she doesn't care literally at all. Who cares. I’ve been surprised at how easily I’ve been sleeping today especially without my phone and with everything on my mind.

I need a talk therapist like yesterday.

I can’t bring myself to get through any of the books Taylor brought. The 19 book in such trash but it’s easy to read.

The shower needs to be pressed every 45 seconds to say on. I wore shower shoes.

Fake Abby doesn’t know what the move is, I can tell.

I called Taylor + my mom then got snack in my night meds. I mom told me to call back to talk to Mack so I just did. She’s lovely.

Double lasagna somehow talked to snack nurse into giving him a full sandwich. I got a strawberry poptart and a coke.

They’re checking in a new girl now who looks a bit like she’s closer to my age.

I’m happy she’s not my roommate.

I think tomorrow ill try to call family/friends less and trust the process. I need to really take a step back.

I’m just happy I feel comfortable sitting in the sun room. I knew a lot more about movies than they did

Goals for tomorrow-

Check out group

Find rec room/sign my name by Mack’s

Document everything

Keep room clean

They still haven’t cleaned Shauna’s side. Its off putting.

Have I mentioned they check on me every 15 minutes?

Its off putting also.

I wish I had just like some mascara or something. I hate to be that girl but damn.

My mom keeps trying to talk about the funny aspects of this but I can’t say I’m feeling them yet. Today just really was such a blur. I sept a lot then talked to therapists then I think went back to sleep? Then begged for lunch then I think slept? That’s where its fuzzy. Called my fam too much, I need to not tomorrow.

I also want to gain control of tv room tomorrow. Power move!!

Did I mention I called Chelsea? My brain is mush.

- Be more present tomorrow-

- Ask more questions-

be warned: new beginnings are rarely pure, and neither are the men who seek them

On Homesickness pg 23

Scott County

We are homesick most for the places we have never {truly} known

37, Franklin County

Questions to Proteus -> how do I get home? 45, Montgomery County

Tuesday

7:10 am

slept super hard but also had super vivid dreams. Mack and I talked about that last night.

She said she had never brought it up. I was a little restless, prob just bc they were constantly opening my door and eventually just stopped closing it.

I’m just trying to let go of control. I don’t want my phone back. I need to talk to someone about the insane anxiety I feel when I think about home back to the real world.

Even just being in my apartment scares me b/c it feels like its full of negative energy. I need to focus on the good when I get out.

I keep thinking about my phone bill and I can’t remember if I paid for internet. Also the maintenance light is still on in my car.

Even though mom and dad are coming today I need to be communicating less w/ outside world. If I really want to be off the grid I need to really b alone with me thoughts and be okay with it.

I kept feeling for my phone throughout the night.

I wonder what the nurses think of me. do I seem different than everyone else?

I keep finding myself trying to relate to the nurses, esp. the young male one (hair) but what am I trying to prove? That I’m not like everyone here?

Newsflash, asshole, I am

(I’m the asshole)

I need a sharper pencil- do you think a lobotomy joke will be appropriate when I request one orr?

I wonder if Prather has texted me. I’m supposed to sub on the 21st.

Yikes

Not looking forward to checking my bank account. I really spent a lot w/out giving a shit. It was freeing but I also haven’t worked in over a week + a half soooooo.

On homesickness is so dramatic but I love it. Makes me think of Taylor. (bc home, not the drama)

Also I think I’m getting fucking sick. Or, according to Lula (Flula) in 19, I’m getting hospital cooties.

7:27 am

I’m in TV room w/ singer. I asked what we’re watching and she said “some kind of cartoon”. She’s not screaming which is awesome. I’m going to read Wuthering Heights.

Almost 8

Called dad and asked him to bring me a pair of readers since my eyes hurt. Nice nurse #2 is here again. She’s blonde. I haven’t seen Maria again. Met another nurse too. She was young. Also there’s a fake nurse (fake nurses are in teal, like hair, and he real ones are in blue) who I def. know. Cant figure out from where, maybe high school? Either way, not cool with it. Also, they sharpened my pencil.

TIME TBD

Having a hard time focusing on reading. My eyes hut.

I don’t like waiting around.

Is it petty to point out inconsistencies in the rules? There’s different info on different sheets in the packet they gave us. Makes me wonder how closely these patients are reading it. Its all petty though, like whether or not we should take 5 or 10 minutes to use the phone or how many visitors we can have at a time.

I know myself too well, ill be bringing it up. I’m going to check on breakfast.

8:30ish

breakfast was sub par. Sat alone. New girl, sat w/ double lasagna. She only wanted milk so homeboy asked if he could eat hers! Has he learned nothing?? I ate pretty quick; I think I need to go back to sleep. I feel weird.

Time-?

Dr.?? (nice psychiatrist) came in and we talked. Started fine but I got really upset b/c of how much I feel like garbage and I don’t now if I want to be here. But also I don’t want to go back to the real world. She left and I went to go get a visteral 25 mg b/c I’m so upset. They gave it to me and when I got back to my room I 100% had a panic attack.

I felt like I was a kid again. Maybe its b/c I’m here but I’ve never been sure that what it was until now. They happened a lot as a kid and usually ended in my mom holding me and saying everything’s ok. Its so hard not having that now. I left my room and the med student from Sunday was in the hall and he came and talked to me until I calmed down.

With talking to them I finally feel like I’ve been able to verbalize how anxious I feel here along with how I feel about leaving. I just need to rest my eyes for right now, but when I’m up I need to write down what Dr. B said about when I get out.

I miss my parents.

Time unknown

Honestly can’t remember what happened next.

Social worker came in, she’s lovely. Talked a bit then I kept resting.

She gave me some info on how to stay grounded during a panic attack.

Then I think I went to the rec room to do a puzzle but then religion group started. I stuck around but then little dr came to get me and asked if I would meet with big table of doctors even though I hate it.

I did it but it made me upset again. They said they would come talk to me but they haven’t.

I fell asleep again then not Maria nurse came to tell me they’re gonna give me more adavan once my visteral wears off. Fell back asleep then got a drink/ate lunch.

My puzzle got hijacked so I brought a new one into my room. I hit a wall so I stopped to write all this down and go find out what they talked about it my meeting.

I think its around 1 pm.

2pm

Sat and watched how I met your mother for a little. Started crying. Asked a nurse when I was gonna get talked to when little doc came up. they gave me an adavan and now I’m waiting for him to come talk to me. the maid is making up Shauna’s old bed while I sit and cry. Very awk.

I don’t know why I keep crying. I just feel like I’m going to keep having these attacks. I feel so hopeless.

Still sitting here crying. Still no doctor.

My name is Abigail and I am safe. I am in the present and I am safe.

~505

lil doc came to talk to me and I got upset. I don’t understand what my next move is.

Just slept pretty hard until now then got dinner. Going back to sleep is very tempting.

I think I’m allowed another pill. What’s the point?

6:50 pm

I honestly don’t know what I’ve been doing since after dinner. I’ve been doing the puzzle in the TV room. I’ve been watching the office. I asked nice nurse if I could have another pill but she’s pretty sure she cane until its time for bed. My anxiety is pretty high right now my parents will be here in like an hour.

7 pm

officially been hoarding pencils. They say I can have an atavan at 10 pm for bed, but they gave me a V. im wondering if that’s going to help me sleep. They’re going to put me on abilify on top of my startera. I’m hoping they’ll give me some of this visteril to take home in case I start to freak.

Decided that in order to help me not get stressed I want someone to take my phone and ask me one by one about who texted/called/emailed and help me deal with it. Same w/ my bank statement.

I want to say I feel better, but I don’t know. Its just all a blur.

I want to see m parents so I can find out what the move is when I get out. Maybe a meeting with Andrea and social working and one of them would be cool.

I don’t want to get out after Taylor leaves. Fuck.

Double lasagna and biter left.

* is still here, and fake Abby is MIA.

New girl who I don’t know

New guy Brandon- wears vans

And tad who Mack warned me about. Apparently he called 911 on the nurses from the phones.

Bold move.

Fake Abby and I are friends. I think she’s lonely, I know she wants to be my roommate, but I can’t deal with that.

Now I just kill time until mom gets here.

930 ish?

Mom and dad came and I feel a bit better. Mom and I did our crossword puzzle and dad and I figured out grad school. I also had him assure me I don’t need to worry about $ right now.

I asked for a pen but they said no. but I STOLE ONE FROM MY DAD!!

Honestly its low on ink but just having it feels great.

Just called my mom and said goodnight to Mack. I feel ok. Mostly just shook b/c of how much of a dream this all feels like. But I’m ok. Time to crossword and eat my poptart like the star patient I am. And I’m gonna do it in god damn pen!

Goals for tomorrow-

- track when all meds taken

- get better at checking time

8am

slept like shit. But I think I might go home today?! I’m sick so my head fucking hurts. I dontknow what to think. I just want to sleep in my own bed.

11am

talked to dr. B + some of the team and I think I’ll just stay another night. It was hard for me to think of what I wanted to b/c I just woke up. but she made a good point that if I’m sick and drowsy it could be good to stay since they’ll change the time I get the abilify. I don’t know. Just very tired.

1109

Watching fresh prince. Thought there was gonna be group in here, but so far nothing. Fuck this.

Fake Abby told shirt he looks like Carlton and no shit he kind of does. He deadass did the dance while he was walking out. He thinks side burns were cool. Now singer is singing Elvis songs.

Newer girl is even scarier she’s very touchy. Seems like she doesn’t listen.

singer is standing directly in front of the tv. She threatened to fire the nurse that told her to stop.

Shirt is leaving today.

New girl just came in and snatched the stuff out of singer’s hands and then tried to talk to everyone. Now singer is out for blood. New girl is wild.

1140

going to lay in bed until lunch.

~12

slept a little until lunch. Hamburger and a coke.

I’m def staying another night. Thinking of some ideas for pickup since I need someone to go back to my apt w/ me.

I think that’s the move. And then if its horrible I can try to stay somewhere else. I’m thinking of asking my sisters. Idk. Might call some of them now.

I’m really just waiting to get something for my cough.

215

just slept super hard

even denied taking my cough meds so I could sleep more

I finally got into the rec room and unsurprisingly it was a disappointment.

Couldn’t find macks mark so I left.

Gonna go try to get more crossword

255

just called Chelsea, she said she would try to come over after work/talk to liv about doing the same. I just want to take a real shower.

Crazy Tad just said hi to me.

New girl (maid) is asleep sitting up, we’re watching that 70’s show.

My shirt smells like Keenan.

Also its almost snack!

Hmmmmm 4?

took a shower after smashing a poptart. The sheets they gave me to use as a bathmat smells like actual piss and shit- maybe I shouldn’t have wrapped myself in it.

A little before 5

Slept again. Got woken up for dinner. It was ok. God I’m so fucking tired.

I’m glad I’m writing everything down b/c its all such a blur.

Cant remember if I already wrong down that I talked to chels. I want help meal prepping and doing some laundry. Also someone to sleep over. I want my own bed, but I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want my phone. I don’t know what good anyone can do me right now until my meds get figured out. I don’t know!!

I met my new nurse, DD, who said I’m taking my abilify in an hour. Then I want my sleeping pills so I can konk out, ugh.

Time to lay down. Again.

I think I fell asleep again?

Went to get my abilify around 615. Panic attack happened again.

I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to be here anymore w/out talking to someone about all my regrets.

I think more than anything I’m really disappointed with how this whole thing is going down.

Just want to stop crying.

830 pm

calmed down. Kind of okay w/ leaving but also so anxious.

844

Singer has 12 different personalities.

About to go ask for my meds/follow up on what’s up w/ the nurse’s research

9ish

Ate a poptart. Nurse was doing meds so she hasn’t looked into anything. Took 2 hydroxizines (50 mg) + a 3 mg melatonin. Called dad, still not a grad student. Very frustrating. Everything sucks but its ok bc I am Abigail Nash and I am safe in the present. I am not in the past. The present. And there are people that love me.

Thursday

- if… because then

- one day at a time

9 am?

Had breakfast, found out I’m going home today.

Called mom + dad, and mom is gonna pick me up around 5

2 more free meals!

Getting a therapist is going to take a minute but I feel ok about it

Nurse Nadine is so sweet.

These people are getting the wildest thank you cards later.

930

I’m going to get a watch

I don’t like not always knowing the time

That fucking short haired nurse came in again and gave me shit for being in my room

Don’t know her name

But I don’t want to

I’m getting out here short haired lady! And I’m pulling out to win!

I’m getting sleepy, fuck

I have like 8 hours to kill

Soooo

Suddenly now that I know I’m getting out I feel like some kind of bubble has been burst and I feel semi normal

Am I really the Angelina Jolie of this place? Not actually Angelina, but her character from Girl Interrupted?

She’s hot in that too, though.

Final thoughts for now- RIP Brittany Murphy.

925

group- only going because nurse Nadine is leading it.

Tad gave a very sweet little speech about his dad

Grabby girl wouldn’t share, she it nuts

But now miss congeniality is on!!

1055

cute rec therapist let me into the rec room. I wrote

SCABZ

In big letters on the table, and made a picture frame. Also played ping pong with grabby. I’m not even going to go into how that went.

Update: grabby thinks I’m her mom

My best gift:

The gift of travel. Travel in the sense of moving, traveling to see a friend, or a friend traveling to see me. travel has allowed me to maintain friendships w/ people I usually wouldn’t. Another gift coming from travel is my best friend, Taylor who traveled to another state for school, where I met her. And the gift of going to visit my best friend in France a few years ago who I’ve known since I was 9.

~~~~ when the party is at it’s best, it’s time to leave the party ~~~~

- Tad’s ex-father-in-law

almost noon

Tad (ok turns out its not the Tad Mack was talking about) said some really good stuff in group and when he was talking about finding balance I said, “like the yin for your yang?” and he did not know what I was really talking about but it fit into the convo really well. So I started to draw him one and when it was over I gave it to him and he was really touched. I feel really good about it. It sucks I’m just now getting to go to group but I think my meds might be working b/c I haven’t gone back to sleep yet.

Also, they said I could keep 19!

I need to get some books together to donate. And some puzzles.

After lunch

Pulled pork. Singer change the channel on TV to cartoons. I see a nap in my future. Also brushing my teeth.

There’s a new kid, he’s gotta be newly 18 b/c he looks young.

Tried playing monopoly w/ Tad, maid, and new guy, but it devolved.

Thought he was cute but he might be nuts (shocker)

I said he was welcome to my books and he looks a mans search for meaning and I’m about to leave so I don’t think im getting it back.

Amanda wrote a nice note in it. That sucks. I gotta stop being so nice.

I asked them to give me a visterile and they did. I should be ready to rock when mom gets here.

430

did more painting- made a weird sign for door knobs. No sign of homeboy + my book. I kind of don’t want to leave, but I refuse to let myself have fomo in a place like this. Idk what the move is for my book. He better be reading it. I don’t want to leave before dinner so he can at least have a chance to say something to me about it.

Tad is really fun to hang out w/. he is really nice. We talked about grounding during panic attacks and he invited me to play monopoly and we talked about how it sucks that we all just started talking to each other but that’s also prob just a sign that the meds are working.

I saw he put my yin yang in the front of his journal. Very sweet.

This isn’t to say he isn’t totally nuts. Also, young guy said my voice reminded me of “stuff” what the fuck.

Grabber called me mom and tried to give me her hand.

2 notes · View notes

totaltozier · 7 years ago

Text

Cruel to Be Kind: Part 2 - Richie x Eddie

NOTE: Okay wow so this somehow ended up being almost 3k words long! but my boys deserved a happy ending. it is still sort of open ended so if a part 3 is wanted it can be written! my beta isn’t available right now but anyways here it is so pls enjoy!

(also i talk about stars and planets in this a lot but I’ve got no reason why it just happened) Merry Christmas everybody!

WORD COUNT: 2762

SUMMARY: Richie drunkenly kissed Beverly, breaking Eddie’s heart in the process. He wants nothing more than to make it up to Eddie but can he say the right words to make it happen?

Richie lay in his bed, the stupid mistake he made replaying over and over in his mind. It had been a week since he had messed up but he couldn’t push away the thought no matter how hard he tried.

It had been almost a full week and Eddie hadn’t spoken to him since that night. He somehow managed to avoid Richie at school, always leaving whenever Richie was arriving and always disappearing during lunch. Richie had called Eddie probably a thousand times but Eddie never picked up. He had left countless texts but never received any back. Richie even sent Eddie an email trying to get any type of response from the boy but nothing seemed to work.

It would be an understatement to say that Richie hated himself. Currently he loathed himself and knew that he would for the rest of eternity. Understandably though, since he had made the mistake of the century. Actually, more like the mistake of the millennia.

Richie stared up at his ceiling and noted how the small stars on his ceiling glowed in the darkness of his room. Eddie had given him a package of glow in the dark planets and stars for his tenth birthday after he had mentioned how much he liked the ones on Eddie’s ceiling. That was seven years ago now and only a few planets remained lost against the scattered stars.

Richie could feel tears starting to pool up by his eyes again. He had been crying since he got home after school. Richie reached up to wipe away the droplets of water before they could spill over onto his cheeks and knocked his glasses with his fist. Fed up with emotions, he tore off his glasses and threw them across the room onto his carpeted floor, not really caring where they landed. Richie pulled his sleeves over his hands and pressed the heel of his palms into his eyes until he could see stars there too.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” He mumbled loud enough only for him to hear.

Richie stayed like that for forty-five minutes before falling asleep with red eyes and wet cheeks.

Eddie had the worst week of his life so far. It would probably amount to being the worst week he would ever experience, it was that terrible. He hadn’t spoken to Richie since he yelled at him outside Chelsea Marshall’s house before driving away in Richie’s truck.

Eddie was supposed to be Richie’s safe ride home that night but in the moment he didn’t care how or if Richie even got home that night. He just got in the truck and drove as far away as he could. Eddie made it to the lookout point two towns over where he parked the car and cried for an hour as he looked over the small towns below. He watched as the odd car would drive through the quiet streets that were only lit up by headlights and the stars above.

Eddie loved the stars. He loved knowing that they were constant and always going to return each night the same way they were the night before. He always missed them on cloudy nights but it was okay because Eddie knew that they were always there looking down keeping an eye out for him.

Eddie felt bad for the stars that night. They didn’t deserve to have to watch the mess that was Richie and Eddie right now.

Eddie sat in the truck all night, drifting in and out of sleep as tears quietly slipped from his eyes. As the sun began to rise again greeting the new day, Eddie turned the truck back on and drove towards home. Around 7 AM Eddie pulled into Richie’s driveway and parked the truck in its proper place. He climbed out of the car and walked up to the front porch. Eddie opened the mailbox lid and slipped Richie’s keys inside before setting off and walking the short distance to his own house.

“Eddie! Come on open up!”

Eddie was curled up in his bed, a mound of pillows and blankets wrapped around him protecting him for, the outside world. He could hear the banging on his door and Bill’s voice on the other side. He just groaned and rolled over, lifting his pillow over his head before pulling it down to muffle the noise.

“I’m coming in wuh-whether you like it or n-not, Eddie!” Bill opened the door to Eddie’s room and found him hidden under the fluff mountain of his bed. He shuffled his way over and sat down on the edge of the mattress. “So, are we guh-going to ta-talk about it or what?” He asked.

“Or not.” Eddie mumbled back.

Bill let out a rough sigh. He gripped the blanket that was on top of Eddie and pulled it back revealing the small boy underneath. “You n-need to tuh-talk about it.”

“There’s not much to say Bill. Richie cheated on me and he broke my heart and I could go my whole life not needing to see him again.” Eddie explained. He grabbed back the blankets and pulled them over his head again.

“You d-don’t mean that” Bill stated.

Eddie sat up in his bed. “Why would I want to see the person who took my heart and threw it off the top of Kilimanjaro?” Eddie argued. “Fuck him.”

Bill sighed and glanced out the window at the end of Eddie’s bed. “W-will you at least leave your stuh-stuffy bedroom? Your m-mom said you haven’t left in tuh-two days.”

Eddie crossed him arms and contemplated the thought for a moment. Bill was right, his bedroom was stuffy and him not leaving it for two days was sort of gross. The dust amount probably doubled over night. Great, now he’d have to change his sheets and vacuum his room.

“Fine.” Eddie agreed as he climbed out of bed. “But you have to buy me a milkshake to make it worth it.”

“Deal!”

“I’m not understanding what you’re saying Richie.” Stan stated.

Richie tugged on his hair in frustration. “I’m saying that I fucked up and Eddie won’t listen to me when I try to explain how I fucked up!”

The two boys were at the barrens. Stan had originally dragged Richie along while he looked for birds, something about the early spring being the best time to see red cardinals, but Richie had just been complaining the whole time. Stan was sat on a low branch of an old oak tree while Richie paced below.

“What do you mean by how you fucked up?” Stan asked.

“The kiss meant nothing! Bev and I were joking around. You know that she’s with Ben anyways!” Richie huffed.

Stan lowered his binoculars from his face and looked down at Richie. “That’s quite vague, Richie. And Beverly being with Ben isn’t much of an excuse either, technically you both cheated.”

“I know. But… I don’t know. She was high and I was drunk and that annoying girl was going on about English class while at a party! You don’t talk about homework at a party, Stan!” Richie explained. Stan rolled his eyes before encouraging his friend to go on. “Bev and I went into that room to get rid of her since she couldn’t take a hint.”

“And how does this lead to you and Beverly kissing?” Stan asked.

“Bev joked saying that the girl outside probably thought that she and I were fucking and we joked at how ridiculous that sounded, which it is, and then I don’t know, I think she mentioned how we had never kissed each other but somehow I’ve kissed all of the other losers”

“No one wanted to kiss you, Richie-” Stan interrupted.

“You all loved it! Anyways she just pulled me in and kissed me! In a friend way, not in a romantic way, Stan!” Richie said.

“That’s now what Eddie saw though” Stan added.

Richie stopped pacing and slumped against the tree Stan was in. “I know. But he won’t answer my fucking calls and let me explain that to him.”

The two boys sat in silence for a moment. Richie closed his eyes trying to calm himself down. He could hear the faint sound of birds chirping and figured that Stan was already looking at them through his binoculars.

“I’ve lost the best thing I’ve ever had and now I don’t know what to do.” Richie said in a low voice.

Stan carefully climbed down from the old oak and landed next to Richie.

“Let’s start with a milkshake then, huh?” He suggested.

Richie slowly stood up and brushed off his pants. “Only if you’re paying.”

Eddie and Bill had arrived at the diner fifteen minutes ago yet for some reason they hadn’t been seated yet. The hostess had walked by four times too. Each time saying that she’d be right back. Yet the two were still standing by the door and frankly their legs were getting tired.

Eddie was scrolling through his twitter when the door opened signalling the bell to ring beside him.

“Oh hey Bill!”

Eddie’s head whipped up to see Stan and Richie standing in the doorway. He instantly felt his heart drop down to his stomach.

“Hi St-stan” Bill greeted back.

Eddie looked anywhere but at Richie and obviously Richie had noticed.

“Hi Eds” He offered in a soft voice as if he was trying not to scare him.

Eddie swallowed and peered up at the taller boy. “Hi.” Of all the places to go in Derry, why did he and Richie have to end up at the same one?

Unfortunately for Eddie, the hostess had finally come back to greet them. The four boys must have been standing close together. “Table for four?” She asked the group and Eddie took a step away from the others in a desperate attempt.

“No, no, just two-” he started but his voice was overpowered by Stan’s.

“Yeah, actually do you have a booth available?” The hostess nodded and walked away intending for the boys to follow her. They all followed, Eddie fell to the back not looking forward to what would happen once they got there.

Stan and Bill slid into the booth across from each other leaving Richie and Eddie to sit across from one another on the end. Although Eddie didn’t want to sit across from Richie, he was glad that he was able to escape at any moment if he needed to.

“S-so,” Bill spoke up, “w-what are you tuh-two doing here?”

Eddie picked up the menu to distract himself and he scanned over the dessert section as if he didn’t already know the options. This was his favourite diner, Richie had brought him here on their first date two years ago.

“Richie and I were out bird watching and decided to switch up the scenery” Stan answered.

“Birds live outside, Stan” Eddie mumbled with his eyes glued to the picture of the triple fudge cake.

“We were walking by” Stan explained. “What are you guys going to order?”

“Struh-strawberry sh-shake” Bill answered.

Richie hummed. “I was going to say vanilla shake but the chocolate shake looks so tempting right now so I’m torn between the two” He answered while flipping through the menu pages.

“Sounds like a reoccurring theme for you these days” Eddie grumbled from behind his menu.

“Eddie…” Bill said warningly.

But Richie interjected. “No, fine, let Eddie say it. Go on Eds, say what you gotta say.”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” Eddie said.

Richie blinked back at the boy in front of him. Eddie looked rough, as if he hadn’t slept in days although Richie probably looked the same. “Okay, sorry I assumed.” He went back to looking at his menu.

A few minutes passed and the boys sat in silence.

“Does anyone want to split some fries or-” Stan started but Eddie cut him off.

“Why did you do it?” Eddie asked throwing down his menu and crossing his arms on his chest.

Richie looked across at Eddie and pushed his glasses up on his nose. “Can we talk about this? Just us two please?” He said softly across the table. Eddie sighed but nodded his head gently.

Richie slid out of the booth and waited as Eddie did the same before leading him out of the diner. Richie walked around to the side of the building and stopped along the wall leaning his back against it. Eddie stood in front of him.

“Now before I say anything, just please let me say everything. I know you’re going to want to interrupt but please just let me say it all first.” Richie begged.

Eddie fiddled with his hand in front of him for a moment before nodding, allowing him to go ahead.

Richie explained everything. He told Eddie everything he had said to Stan earlier that day with more detail so Eddie would know the full story. Eddie stayed quiet the whole time. Richie couldn’t read his face though, unsure of how he was feeling or what he would say once he was finished.

“Okay…” Eddie finally said.

“Okay?” Richie questioned back.

Eddie looked around trying to figure out what to say but he couldn’t find the words. “I- I don’t know what to say Rich.”

“Do you at least believe me?” Richie asked hopefully. Eddie’s eyes stopped wandering and finally met Richie’s, his brown eyes looking lost.

“Sure. I mean, you’ve never lied to me before but all of this still really hurts” Eddie said.

“I know that I’ve fucked up so, so badly Eddie and I’m never going to be able to forgive myself for it so I wouldn’t blame you if you never do either.” Richie explained. “I just needed you to know the whole truth before you decided that I’m a mess and you deserve better.” Richie was now looking down at his feet ashamed of himself for all the pain he had caused Eddie.

“This past week without you has been the worst one of my life and if there’s even the smallest shred of forgiveness that you’ll give me I will spend every single day, hour, even second of my life trying to make it up to you Eds, because I can’t live without my favourite person, my best friend.”

Eddie stared at Richie. His curls were a mess upon his head, he had bags beneath his eyes, and his cheeks were flushed with red. The tall boy looked like a mess honestly, but Eddie still had the longing need to want to hold him and tell him everything’s going to be okay. Richie had sent Eddie through hell the past week but he had been there too.

A minute passed and Eddie still hadn’t said anything.

“I can’t lose you Eds, I really can’t.” Richie’s voice was shaking now and Eddie saw his eyes start to well up.

Eddie thought his heart was already broken but looking at Richie right now made him hurt even more. He didn’t say anything but instead closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around Richie and held him as tight as he could. Richie hesitated at first, his body tensing up at the unexpected contact but quickly gripped Eddie back and held on to him as tight as he could.

“I’m so sorry and I hate how I made you feel. But I love you so much Eds, I really do and I’m never going to not love you.” Richie whispered into Eddie’s hair.

Eddie’s face was pressed against Richie’s chest. “I know and I love you too” he mumbled against the soft shirt. “It wasn’t okay but I want to fix this” he added.

Richie nodded his head even though Eddie couldn’t see it. “I’ll do whatever you want me to, Eds.”

Eddie lifted his head from Richie’s chest and looked up to see his face. He placed a gentle kiss upon Richie’s lips for a soft second before letting him go and taking a step back. Richie gave him a small smile.

Richie reached out for Eddie’s hand before he could step any further away and laced his finger with his. He gave the small hand in his a little squeeze and his heart skipped a beat when Eddie squeezed back like he always had.

“Do you maybe want to go inside and share a vanilla milkshake?” Richie asked cautiously. “I know they’re your favourite.”

Eddie smiled and nodded his head at the idea. “Yeah,” he answered. “I’d love that.”

#reddie #richie x eddie #IT #IT 2017 #IT imagine #IT cast #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier x eddie kasp #streddie #finn wolfhard #finn wolfhard imagine #finn imagine #richie imagine #eddie imagine #jack dylan grazer #jack dylan grazer imagine #benverly #billl x stan

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emerald-studies · 4 years ago

Text

How to be an Ally

Discussions on Race Pt. 2

June 29, 2020

Day 1 of 7

Post with fixed links here!:

https://emerald-studies.tumblr.com/post/626271345488150528/how-to-be-an-ally

Reblog this one!

[ These are just some thoughts I have in my head about this topic, it isn’t meant to be a purely academic discussion. It’s meant to be a conversation to learn about another perspective. ]

Also sorry this one took longer than previous posts, I had to do a lot of research.

1. Check In On Your Black Friends/Acquaintances

2. Learn More About Black History

Here’s a master list of activists to start you off.

3. Go to Rallies and Protests

4. Donate and Sign Petitions

(Also you don’t need to donate to change.org! Directly donate to non-profit organizations and victims’ families!)

George Floyd - change.org

George Floyd - amnesty.org

George Floyd - colorofchange.org

Get The Officers Charged

Charge All Four Officers

Breonna Taylor - moveon.org

Breonna Taylor - colorofchange.org

Breonna Taylor - justiceforbreonna.org

Breonna Taylor - change.org

Breonna Taylor - thepetitionsite.com

Ahmaud Arbery - change.org

Ahmaud Arbery - change.org 2

Ahmaud Arbery - change.org 3

Justice for Oluwatoyin Salau

Pass The Georgia Hate Crime Bill

Defund MPD

Life Sentence For Police Brutality

Regis Korchinski - change.org

Tete Gulley - change.org

Tony McDade - change.org

Tony McDade - actionnetwork.org

Tony McDade - thepetitionsite.com

Joao Pedro - change.org

Julius Jones - change.org

Belly Mujinga - change.org

Willie Simmons - change.org

Hands Up Act - change.org

National Action Against Police Brutality

Kyjuanzi Harris - change.org

Alejandro Vargas Martinez - change.org

Censorship Of Police Brutality In France

Sean Reed - change.org

Sean Reed - change.org 2

Kendrick Johnson - change.org

Tamir Rice - change.org

Tamir Rice - change.org 2

Fire Racist Criminal From The NYPD

Jamee Johnson - organizefor.org

Darius Stewart - change.org

Darius Stewart - moveon.org

Abolish Prison Labor

Free Siyanda - change.org

Chrystul Kizer - change.org

Chrystul Kizer - change.org 2

Andile Mchunu (Bobo) - change.org

Eric Riddick - change.org

Amiya Braxton - change.org

Emerald Black - change.org

Elijah Nichols - change.org

Zinedine Karabo Gioia - change.org

Angel Bumpass - change.org

Sheku Bayoh - change.org

Angel DeCarlo - change.org

Sandra Bland - change.org

Sherrie Walker - change.org

Darrien Hunt - change.org

Cornelius Fredericks - change.org

Elijah McClain - change.org

James Scurlock - change.org

Darren Rainey- change.org

Visit these sites for more info:

http://www.pb-resources.com/

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

5. Educate yourself and others.

Articles:

- “America’s Racial Contract Is Killing Us” by Adam Serwer | Atlantic (May 8, 2020)

- Ella Baker and the Black Freedom Movement (Mentoring a New Generation of Activists

- ”My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant” by Jose Antonio Vargas | NYT Mag (June 22, 2011)

- The 1619 Project (all the articles) | The New York Times Magazine

- The Combahee River Collective Statement

- “The Intersectionality Wars” by Jane Coaston | Vox (May 28, 2019)

- Tips for Creating Effective White Caucus Groups developed by Craig Elliott PhD

- “Where do I donate? Why is the uprising violent? Should I go protest?” by Courtney Martin (June 1, 2020)

- ”White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” by Knapsack Peggy McIntosh

- “Who Gets to Be Afraid in America?” by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi | Atlantic (May 12, 2020)

Movies/TV Shows:

When They See Us

American Son

Hello Privilege, It’s Me, Chelsea

The 13th

Murder to Mercy: The Cyntoia Brown Story

What Happened Miss Simone?

The Two Killings of Sam Cooke

Who Killed Malcolm X?

The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson

Homecoming: A Film by Beyonce (Lighter in tone)

LA 92

Dear White People

Videos:

- Black Feminism & the Movement for Black Lives: Barbara Smith, Reina Gossett, Charlene Carruthers (50:48)

- “How Studying Privilege Systems Can Strengthen Compassion” | Peggy McIntosh at TEDxTimberlaneSchools (18:26)

- American Oxygen - Rihanna

- Formation - Beyonce

Podcasts:

- Malcolm X Speeches

- 1619 (New York Times)

- About Race

- Code Switch (NPR)

- Intersectionality Matters! hosted by Kimberlé Crenshaw

- Momentum: A Race Forward Podcast

- Pod For The Cause (from The Leadership Conference on Civil & Human Rights)

- Pod Save the People (Crooked Media)

- Seeing White

Books:

- The Autobiography of Malcolm X

- Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About RaceBook by Reni Eddo-Lodge

- Black Feminist Thought by Patricia Hill Collins

- Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower by Dr. Brittney Cooper

- Heavy: An American Memoir by Kiese Laymon

- How To Be An Antiracist by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi

- I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

- Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson

- Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad

- Raising Our Hands by Jenna Arnold

- Redefining Realness by Janet Mock

- Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde

- So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

- The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

- The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin

- The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

- The Next American Revolution: Sustainable Activism for the Twenty-First Century by Grace Lee Boggs

- The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson

- Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

- This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color by Cherríe Moraga

- When Affirmative Action Was White: An Untold History of Racial Inequality in Twentieth-Century America by Ira Katznelson

- White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo, PhD

Follow:

- Shaun King: Instagram | Twitter | Website

- Antiracism Center: Twitter

- Audre Lorde Project: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Black Women’s Blueprint: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Color Of Change: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Colorlines: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- The Conscious Kid: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Equal Justice Initiative (EJI): Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Families Belong Together: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- The Leadership Conference on Civil & Human Rights: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- MPowerChange: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Muslim Girl: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- NAACP: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- National Domestic Workers Alliance: Twitter | Instagram | Facebook

- Ziwe | Instagram | (She has discussions about race with White people, kinda grilling them, every Thursday at 8 p.m. EST. Super thrilling to watch.)

Here’s Some Music Too:

Change Gonna Come - Sam Cooke

Chain Gang - Nina Simone

Missisippi Goddamn - Nina Simone

Fuck Da’ Police - N.W.A.

New Slaves - Kanye

This is America - Childish Gambino

I’m Not Racist - Joyner Lucas

Fight the Power - Public Enemy

Glory - Common, John Legend

Freedom (Live) - Beyonce

I Can’t Breathe - H.E.R.

American Oxygen - Rihanna

Brown Skin Girl - Beyonce

My Playlist With A Few More

Black Artists Matter Playlist

What a large list! It looks so overwhelming! Don’t worry, you don’t have to read/watch/listen to everything. It takes a lot of effort!

Jk.

If you don’t want to do some homework and good deeds, then you don’t want to be an ally. And that’s perfectly fine. Just don’t lie to yourself about it.

Tough shit.

Discussion time.

Who are your favorite Black activists that you didn’t learn about in school?

(Mine is Huey P. Newton)

Favorite song by a Black artist?

(Mine is Freedom by Beyonce but the live version)

Let me know what you think here

-Faith

#blm #blacklivesmatter #black lives matter #activists #allyship #petitions #talkingwithfaith #black women matter

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wroetominter · 7 years ago

Text

Oblivion - WillNE Imagine

Title: Oblivion Pairing: WillNE x Reader Requested(?): yes thank you! Warnings: smut smut smut

— “I love the boys but sometimes you just need a girl to talk to. You know?” I asked Gee as she poured my coffee into a mug.

“I definitely get you. That’s why all of us girls need to hang out more often.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” The two of us laughed and began talking about our weeks.

“So when are you finally going to tell Will you like him then?” She teased.

“Shhh! Are you forgetting he lives here!” I said in a whisper-yell.

“He sleeps well into the afternoon you’re fine.” I sighed and nodded.

I had been keeping my feelings for Will quiet for a few months now. I was half scared of rejection and half scared of him just laughing in my face.

“I think you should just go for it. You would finally be able to relieve that sexual frustration of yours.” I choked on my drink, laughing at her blunt statement. “I’m serious! How many times have you been sexually frustrated and it been able to do something about it?”

I thought about it for a minute. There had definitely been quite a few times. Especially the other day when we all went out to eat and Will wore that damn green jumper of his, looking like a damn model with his hair perfect and his eyes popping against the green jumper.

“More times than I’d like to admit actually. I just want to ride his dick into oblivion. Is that too much to ask?”

“Then tell him!” Gee said.

“I’ll think about it. Wait shhh, I think I hear him.” We both quit talking for a few minutes and then heard Will’s door open.

“I’m going to head out, Josh wants to go out for lunch. I’ll text you?”

“Georgina I swear to God don’t do this to me.” I grabbed her arm and she shook me off, smiling and running to the door. I sighed when I heard the door slam.

“She was sure in a hurry.” I heard Will’s voice behind me and I jumped slightly, startled at the sudden noise.

“You scared me.” I laughed and he joined in.

“Sorry about that, you sticking around?”

“Uh yeah sure; what else have I got to do?” I shrugged and he nodded. I took in his appearance. A fitting black tshirt and grey sweatpants. This boy would be the death of me.

“Want to get absolutely dominated in a game of FIFA?” He suggested.

“Sure, but I guarantee you’ll be the one losing.” I teased, passing him and heading for the couch. I sat down, crossing my legs and making myself comfortable.

“You’re on.” Will sat right next to me and handed me my controller.

I chose Chelsea and he chose Newcastle, of course. We began our game and I leaned forward in my seat, getting really into the competition.

“Loser buys the other coffee next time we go out!” Will said scoring his first goal.

“You cheeky bastard.” I moved my players, passing the ball around the back for a few seconds before moving for the goal.

I shot and scored, letting out a celebratory statement and feeling the adrenaline pumping in my body.

Will went to score and I bumped his arm slightly, causing him to miss.

“You dirty cheater!” He yelled, shoving me back. I smirked and continued to play, eventually making my way through and scoring another goal. The full time whistle was blown and I smirked, turning my body to face Will.

“How’s it feel being a loser?” I teased him. He rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone.

“How does it feel being a cheater?” He retorted.

“I’m not a cheater you’re just shite at football.”

“Oi football and FIFA are two very different playing fields.”

“And you’re bad at both of them.”

The two of us sat there on the couch, scrolling through our phones. I browsed my twitter feed and I suddenly felt Will’s hand on my knee. It wasn’t a huge deal, he was probably just trying to make himself more comfortable. I couldn’t help the small amount of lust building in my stomach and I rubbed my legs together gently, playing it off as an itch but internally I was screaming.

Will’s hand moved slightly up and I felt myself becoming hornier, sneaking a glance at his crotch. In his grey sweats the imprint of his dick was quite visible and it was causing me an intense amount of sexual frustration. His hand slipped just that little bit more and I was about to burst. His long fingers were right on my inner thigh quite close to my throbbing vagina.

At this point he had to have known what he was doing. I decided to take matters into my own hands, taking one of my hands and pushing his hand right onto my vagina, causing him to drop his phone and look at me with a quite shocked look on his face. We stared at each other for a few seconds before I moved my hand and placed it directly onto his clothes covered penis. His eyes shut in pleasure and I leaned my body forwards, adding more pressure and massaging him through his sweats.

He let out a moan that only fueled my drive. I took his hand and brought it up to my breast, allowing him to touch me.

“Do you still want to ride my dick into oblivion?” I let out a gasp and he smirked.

“You were eavesdropping?”

“I couldn’t help it when I heard you talking about how bad you wanted me. Tell me more.” He squeezed my boob as I straddled his lap.

“I want you to fuck me.” I said using my other hand to touch myself, rubbing over my vagina and causing Will to harden underneath me.

“How bad?” He grabbed my hands and held them firmly behind my back, not allowing me to touch myself.

“So bad." I pushed myself down onto his hardening penis and I let a soft moan leave my body from the small amount of friction. He let my hands go and I quickly reached for the bottom of my top, pulling it over my body and then quickly taking off my bra. Will’s hands found my waist and he laid me down on the couch, slipping his hand into my shorts and as soon as his hand found my vagina I let out a moan. He pulled my shorts and panties down my legs and brought his face down to my throbbing core.

"You’re so wet for me darling.” He whispered, sliding two fingers into me and curling them at just the right angle to make my body react to his touch.

“Don’t tease me Will.” He took his fingers out, licking them clean and then attaching his lips to my clit. I let out a breathy moan as he licked patterns along me and caused my heart to race like no other.

“Please.” I whimpered, placing my hands in his hair and pushing him further into my core.

He sat up, removing his shirt and I sat up, pushing him onto his back and quickly sliding his sweats and boxers down. I immediately wrapped my hand around him and he moaned. I took him into my mouth and hollowed my cheeks, wanting to give him the most pleasure I could.

“If you want me to last you need to stop, love.” He said. I complied and allowed him to take over. “Shall we take this to the bedroom?” I nodded and followed him, making sure we grabbed our clothes in case someone came round.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought my lips to his. As we made out he laid me down on the bed, his hand fumbling in his side table for a condom.

“You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this.” I said taking the condom from his hand and rolling it onto him.

“Same. I’ve dropped slight hints but I think they went unnoticed.” He lined himself up with me and pushed in. My back arched into his body and I let out a moan.

“Fuck.” I let out, his hand reaching down and rubbing on my clit.

He was thrusting in and out, the pace making me melt against his skin.

“I’m close.” He said kissing my neck and leaving a mark or two in his path.

He let out a few more thrusts and I reached my climax, him following suit a few seconds later.

He rested his head on my chest and pulled out, disposing of the condom.

“Is this a bad time to admit that I have feelings for you?” I asked, finally gaining the confidence to say something. He looked into my eyes and smiled at me.

“This is a perfect time. I like you too Y/n.” I grinned and brought his lips to mine.

“Let’s get cleaned up and go out for a coffee?” He asked. I nodded.

“And you get to pay, being the loser and all.” He rolled his eyes and laughed.

“As long as I get you I’m still a winner.” He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead.

“You’re so cheesy.”

“You love it.”

“You’re right, I do.” I dressed myself and headed into the kitchen to wait for him.

“Did you tell him?” I jumped at Gee’s voice.

“Yes, and um… I’ll fill you in later.” She raised an eyebrow and Will walked out.

“Ready to go babe? Oh, hey Gee.”

“Babe? Is this a thing? I’m so confused.” Will put his arm around my shoulder and smiled at me.

“I’ll fill you in later, we’re heading out for food.” She nodded and Will and I headed for the door. “Wait I forgot my phone, I’ll meet you at the car.” He nodded and I ran back into the flat.

“We just had sex before you showed up and we’re also dating.” I said quickly.

“What! I need more details!” She screamed.

“I’ll tell you later!” I grabbed my phone and ran back to the door, finding Will waiting for me by the elevator.

“I hope you know she’s going to tease the hell out of me for the next year now.” He said clearly amused.

“Is it worth it though?” I questioned.

“It definitely is.” He kissed me softly and we headed out.

#willne #will Lenney imagine #imagine #will Lenney #willne imagine #wroetominterimagines #sidemen of the sidemen #darcey Lenney because she's better than will

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thebachelordiaries · 7 years ago

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‘Do The Damn Thing:’ Arie’s Season of The Bachelor Ep. 1

I honestly still feel like Arie as The Bachelor is one big joke and during week three Peter is going to show up and be like, “Hey Arie, thanks for filling in, I’ll take it from here.”

I can’t help what my subconscious feels.

I also can’t help but roll my eyes at Arie’s spiel of not finding love since dating Emily Maynard for three-ish months on The Bachelorette five years ago. I get he needs a storyline, but it is incredibly unbelievable.

In my humble opinion, this was the most boring premiere of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette in recent history.

But that doesn’t mean there weren’t some highlights from night one and some women I am already obsessed with. (I currently love both Bekah and Becca K. to the point where I should probably name my first [and only] child— who will obviously be a girl— after them.)

Video Intros

Every season we get to learn about a few of Arie’s women through video intros. Here are the ones that stuck out to me:

Bekah, who is 22 but ABC is withholding her age to be annoying, is a nanny who doesn’t wear a bra and has a pixie cut. She is confidence goals 2018.

Krystal is a fitness coach who has a homeless brother and is getting BY FAR the best edit of the episode. I *kind of* respect her for not having any botox even though I can’t stop staring at her over expressive forehead. She is also arm goals 2018.

Chelsea is a single mom from Maine. She’s also basically the only person from the Northeast on the show, which annoys me. What Krystal lacks in botox, Chelsea sure as hell makes up for it. Her face is less expressive than Kim Kardashian's. She also has great bone structure, but I’m having a hard time finding her attractive. Not like I’m one to judge since I look like a garden gnome, but still.

Limo Entrances

About nine times out of 10, the first person out the limo goes pretty far. That person this time was Caroline, who was my pick to win the whole thing after initially reading her bio.

Second out the limo was Chelsea, who was trying way too hard to be mysterious.

The natural beauty Kendall, who is being called a taxidermist even though she just collects taxidermy, was third out the limo.

Weiner, Arkansas native Tia brought a tiny wiener and said “please tell me you don’t have a tiny wiener.” Arie’s response, “I do not have that,” makes me think he, infant, does not have a tiny wiener.

Krystal was given the most dramatic entrance thanks to production. She is obviously being fake AF based on her voice, which means it’s going to be hard for me to like her.

Bekah arrived in a cherry red 1965 Mustang straight out of an ‘80s movie. She’s Molly Ringwald but like, hotter.

Are Bekah’s boobs real?: An investigation

Highlights

ABC highlighted a bunch of Chelsea’s horrible jokes and her terrible personality. “Let’s just say the hair is down and the boobs are out,” she said, wanting to make a funny metaphor but instead saying a literal statement. I miss villains that were actually funny like Corinne, Chad and Olivia.

Chelsea also said “That cherry red looks better on your lips, bitch,” referring to Bekah arriving in a cherry red Mustang. First of all, Bekah didn’t have cherry red lipstick on and secondly, she looked hot as hell next to that car, as shown above.

I want to wear Becca K’s dress at my open casket funeral because I love it and I’m not sure what other occasion I could wear it for?

We have Jenna to thank for making this episode somewhat interesting. She was either drinking a ton of vodka-redbull or somehow smuggled cocaine into the mansion. During her talk with Arie, she was massaging his feet and jumping around. In my opinion, she could have been drunker, but it’s not really her responsibility to carry the entire episode on her back, you know?

When you’re pretty enough to act crazy on the first date.

Arie told Krystal he wanted to know more about her and she responds with, “I’m a Libra” and just continued to talk in her fake baby voice. Arie is a Virgo, so technically they are a match.

Chelsea, after being the first woman to talk to Arie and somehow say absolutely nothing about herself, decided to interrupt another woman’s conversation with him and say nothing about herself, once again. However, they did kiss. (Should I write a post on how to kiss like Arie? I feel like it would be funny. Okay, fine, I’ll do it.) She later got to speak to him again when she was awarded the First Impression Rose. I feel like Arie didn’t know who to pick and production was like, “Pick Chelsea,” because they knew she would be this season’s villain. Fun fact: Sharlene Joynt once said in her blog that production usually makes villains out of the people who either get the First Impression Rose or the first One-On-One date.

Rose Ceremony

Worth noting: Becca K got the first rose at the rose ceremony, making her an early favorite. When she got out the limo she made Arie go on his knees and say, “Are you ready to do the damn thing?” and it reminded me of Chris’ intro on Desiree’s season. And we all know Chris won Des’ heart.

Five-ish girls (edit: seven) got sent home. I have no idea who they are, but they did take professional photos and start their own podcast and blog together. Just because they didn’t get far on The Bachelor doesn’t mean they can’t fulfill their dreams of becoming social media influencers. I, for one, am inspired. And if they’re annoying enough at the Women Tell All, they could even make an appearance on Bachelor In Paradise. Dream big, early rejects.

Early Top 5 Favs (in no particular order...)

Becca K.

Bekah

Krystal

Caroline

Tia

Fun fact: Did you know that people who are “thrill seekers” are more likely to be unfaithful in relationships? An example of this could be...hmmm, I don’t know, a race car driver. I learned this little fact from a guest psychologist on Ashley I’s “I Don’t Get It” podcast. And while I love to hate Ashley I., I do actually like her podcast. (Not the one with Ben, Mr. Snoozefest himself, the other one.)

Anyway, do you think this fact is true? Obviously it doesn’t pertain to all thrill seekers, but I could see Arie fitting into the unfaithful category. He is free to prove me wrong, though.

I would like to give a special shoutout to my friend Erin Mully ake E-Mulch aka Baby Giraffe for live tweeting Episode 1 and 2 of The Bachelor for me while I was out of the country. Without her, I’d have like 30-ish less followers.

She did THAT. Also, follow me on twitter, @thebachdiaries

#The Bachelor #arie the bachelor #arie luyendyk #chris harrison #thebachelordiaries #thebachdiaries #photo credit: ABC #ABC

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lauraramargosian · 5 years ago

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Good Girls series on Netflix is an unpredictable hit!

GOOD GIRLS — “Find Your Beach” Episode 301 — Pictured: (l-r) Retta as Ruby Hill, Christina Hendricks as Beth Boland, Mae Whitman as Annie Marks — (Photo by: Jordin Althaus/NBC)

Positive Celebrity rating:

The Good Girls series is an excellent show, worth viewing multiple times not only for enjoyment but cinematic effects as well (4.5/5). In fact, Good Girls was renewed for a third season of 16 total episodes, which will premiere February 16, 2020!

Netflix seems to be killing it with their current content the genres all have some great line-ups including Good Girls, The Witcher, You, Messiah, Grey’s Anatomy, Criminal Minds, Eli, Ghosts of Sugar Land, Before I Wake, etc.

In fact, we have been watching the first seasons of new films and shows on Netflix.

That being the case, one show, Good Girls, stood out to us because it brings forth a lot of positivity, emotionally draws the audience in and never fails to make us rapidly hit the “I’m still here,” button.

Yes, The Good Girls is that unique of a show.

The new series has brought forth a lot of the things people face daily with a dramatic and comedic twist.

“Three suburban mothers suddenly find themselves in desperate circumstances and decide to stop playing it safe and risk everything to take their power back.”

Isn’t it true there are good people, who make bad decisions at times in life?

90 Day fiancé: Happily Ever after is real talk.

With that in mind, you can see why their friendship is strong.

Yes, they have support for one another due to bad choices.

Regardless, from a mental perspective, it shows how important it is to have healthy friendships.

You never know what a person might be facing in silence, be a good friend and reach out.

At the beginning of the “Good Girls,” I kept thinking about “How there could be so much money in a grocery store?”

Then it all made sense…

Cinematography and transitions were amazing, the whole crew did an amazing job.

I cannot stress this enough, transition means so much in film and done right it can pull on two different emotions.

MAIN CAST OF GOOD GIRLS

Christina Hendricks as Elizabeth “Beth” Boland. Retta as Ruby Hill, Beth’s best friend, a waitress who is struggling to pay for her daughter Sara’s kidney disease. Mae Whitman as Annie Marks, Beth’s younger sister and mother of Sadie. Sadie was born when Annie was still a teenager. She works at a grocery store called Fine and Frugal. Reno Wilson as Stanley Hill, Ruby’s mall-cop-turned-actual-cop husband. Manny Montana as Christopher, also known as Rio, a high ranking criminal who has a money laundering business. He supports his business through wrapping paper, pills, cars and other creative ways. Lidya Jewett as Sara Hill, Ruby’s and Stan’s daughter who has kidney disease. Isaiah Stannard as Sadie Marks. Matthew Lillard as Dean Boland, Beth’s cheating car salesman husband. Due to his decisions, the plot took the turns it did to make a captivating show.

CINEMATOGRAPHY

Jerzy Zieliński

Darren Genet

Robert Reed Altman

Tim Bellen

EDITORS

Brad Katz

Todd Gerlinger

Shoshanah Tanzer

Kenneth LaMere

Maura Corey

FAVORITE SCENE – NO SPOILERS

Man, this scene crushed, it happens and it goes to show how corrupt our government can be in order to merely “solve a case.”

“You know what I have been thinking about, how you sat at our table and said we were the same.”

Detective: “Not so much, huh?”

“Not at all, brother.”

How many people do you think are in jail or prison when they shouldn’t be?

Further, how many stories have you read about x person getting out after 50+ years after they were finally found not guilty.

FUNNY FACTS ABOUT THE GOOD GIRLS SERIES

It brought to my attention how bad it is to eat those banquet beef meals from the frozen section at the supermarket.

The Good Girls episode called “One Last Time,” was absolutely hilarious, we loved the loan guy’s personality, that was the perfect mesh into the storyline.

You can’t deny we all have that one friend who wants a damn burrito.

With that in mind, it was Chelsea Handler who said:

“If you can make someone laugh, you can make someone listen,” and they nailed it, especially in those scenes of “crime and drama,” but a dash of “comedy.”

Then the girls feeding him in the back of the car holding him until the morning hours to finish “the job,” absolutely hilarious, the script for these scenes is excellent.

To end, if you haven’t had the chance to watch the Good Girls series on Netflix, give it a go, you won’t regret it but make sure to do it on a binge day, unless of course, you can run on little to no sleep.

Currently, the Good Girls series on Netflix has two successful seasons.

Amazing production, a phenomenal cast, and crew.

We noticed the show started as a short on IMDB and soon grew it’s own empire, truly deserved, can’t wait for more episodes.

The Good Girls new series on Netflix official trailer

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womenofcolor15 · 5 years ago

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Kehlani Hits The Paparazzi-Ridden Scene With YG Again Before Revealing She's Dealt With 'Media Related PTSD' The Past 3 Years

Kehlani is venting her frustration at internet trolls (again) and revealing her 3-year battle with "media related PTSD." Her new coupledom flicks with rapper YG and her take on why she doesn't care "if you f**k with her or not" inside.

Apparently, y'all have been working Kehlani's nerves and drove her to shave her head and move across the country last year. Now, despite seemingly intentionally welcoming all the cameras and media into her new relationship, she hints that trolls have been coming for her again. She went on a Twitter rant this morning to tell folks she is not going to stay "terrified" of "y'all", and her new baby girl is who helped her get her juice back.

i never went outside much. i go to the studio and go home. i’ve dealt with 3 years of social anxiety & media related PTSD. birthing my daughter gave me a battery in my fucking back. i have someone to go extremely hard for. to face my fears for. i’ve stopped my own bag and slowed myself down for years because i was literally terrified of YALL. the internet.

i shaved my head & moved across the country for a year. i drew up my contracts to quit. y’all are not about to reduce my newfound healing and confidence to PR. so fuck with me, or don’t... because what matters is that i finally truly fuck with me and if you can’t tell than you know absolutely nothing about me and that finally has no control of my life, to God be the glory man.

She also said it's not just about the internet, but folks have been railing her in real life. It happens to most celebrities, especially those who have serial public relationships. That's perfectly fine to do, but if you don't want criticism from trolls, maybe re-think making everything public. Everybody from Beyoncé to Jesus receives criticism, so this shouldn't have been a surprise to her that she would receive some too after her relationships with Kyrie Irving, and more.

Kehlani said today that her bounce back wasn't due to a manufactured PR campaign (since her random relationship with YG def had people scratching their heads), but due to her own hard work:

it’s deeper than the internet. i used to get harassed outside on the street. in restaurants. the airport. my family even. i moved twice. y’all came to my shows and harassed me. i didn’t leave the house for months. lost extreme amounts of weight. & stayed QUIET about it. never an interview never a publication never a look y’all feel hey... feel bad for me. i worked my ass off to bounce back. and im here. i’m HAPPY. not depressed not anxiety ridden... eating 3 meals a day and raising the most incredible human. that’s the GLOW.

and i don’t even have a publicist them bitches are expensive lmaaaooooooo

Publicists aren't the only people on a team who can manufacture PR, by the way.

Here's her Tweets:

— Kehlani (@Kehlani) September 11, 2019

i’ve stopped my own bag and slowed myself down for years because i was literally terrified of YALL. the internet. i shaved my head & moved across the country for a year. i drew up my contracts to quit. y’all are not about to reduce my newfound healing and confidence to PR.

— Kehlani (@Kehlani) September 11, 2019

so fuck with me, or don’t... because what matters is that i finally truly fuck with me and if you can’t tell than you know absolutely nothing about me and that finally has no control of my life, to God be the glory man.

— Kehlani (@Kehlani) September 11, 2019

never an interview never a publication never a look y’all feel hey... feel bad for me.

i worked my ass off to bounce back. and im here.

i’m HAPPY. not depressed not anxiety ridden... eating 3 meals a day and raising the most incredible human. that’s the GLOW.

— Kehlani (@Kehlani) September 11, 2019

and i don’t even have a publicist them bitches are expensive lmaaaooooooo

— Kehlani (@Kehlani) September 11, 2019

the best part is

it’s all STILL first world problems! we so blessed. if you’re reading this you are sooooo blessed. get up and get yours.

im really done now i love you all byeeeeeeee

— Kehlani (@Kehlani) September 11, 2019

Glad she realizes these are, indeed, first world problems.

Meanwhile, she's been living her best life at NYFW all week, hitting tons of shows in addition to nights out with her new bae, rapper YG. After making their first public appearance together a few night ago at TAO and KITH's fashion show, they joined model/actress Sara Sampaio and actor Akira from Exile at 1OAK in Chelsea (atop).

The "Distracted" singer flew solo at the SavagexFenty, Kim Shui, Christian Cowan and Diesel shows just in the last couple days too:

View this post on Instagram

one day my daughter gon give me cool points for going to this show cuz it’s historical as fuck. seen hella loved ones apart of the show, hella folks i admire, and just know.... y’all are about to be geeeeeeeked up when y’all see it. Queen Muva Supreme @badgalriri really went CRAZY. @savagexfenty X #nyfw thank u so much for having me

A post shared by Kehlani (@kehlani) on Sep 10, 2019 at 8:11pm PDT

Kim Shui x #NYFW pic.twitter.com/i4c7hqfJ1d

— Kehlani (@Kehlani) September 11, 2019

Christian Cowan x #NYFW pic.twitter.com/kR1aB1f7US

— Kehlani (@Kehlani) September 10, 2019

A Cold Wall x Diesel #NYFW pic.twitter.com/jON2QjRzPM

— Kehlani (@Kehlani) September 10, 2019

Clearly the trolls haven't stopped your invites or your potential bags, so carry on girl and do you boo.

Photo: Backgrid

[Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2019/09/11/kehlani-hits-the-paparazzi-ridden-scene-with-yg-again-before-revealing-shes-dealt-with-me

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