#Collecting Strays

[youdelight-itolerate]

This is why he's my best friend. He’s my pal, he’s my boy friend, my rotten soldier, my sweet cheese, my good time boy.

(I have 8 cats & 5 dogs, btw 🫣)

[igotbulletproof-insomnia]

Adopting Bangtan 11

01, previous, series

I'm With Me

Kim Seokjin turned the phone screen on and unlocked his phone. It was a useless action, he knew he wouldn’t find anything else but the regular messages; reminders from his caretaker, questions from his brothers, plans to go out with some friends after school on Saturday. Taerim-halmonim thanked him for calling her on her birthday the previous day and offered to meet for dessert when she was back in Seoul. Seokjin frowned at that. It would be great to see his old nanny again, she was the only person who ever seemed to care about him, aside from the teacher he lived with now. But something in Seokjin’s chest had him hesitating. It had been years since he last saw her, and it would be nice to just hug her again. Even so, he just couldn’t bring himself to reply.

Seokjin tapped at the screen for a few minutes and replied to several other messages before sighing. Things just got more complicated the older he got, didn’t it?

*******************

May 10, 2023 Did you greet your family for parent’s day? May 11, 2023 Of course. It would be awkward not to greet my guardian when I see them.

********************

It was his seventh birthday, and all Seokjin had wanted was to see his parents.

Seokjin was a smart kid. His teachers said so, and his nanny halmonim said so, so it had to be true. He understood a lot of things; he understood the importance of brushing his teeth and eating his vegetables. He understood when halmonim could play and when she needed to focus on her work. He understood his brother was much older and had to prioritize his studies over playing. He understood the word priorities. And most importantly, Seokjin understood that his parents had to go to work to earn money so they could keep their home and eat food and everything. He just thought that, maybe, if he was well-behaved and scored well on all of his tests, and asked really nicely, his mom, dad, and brother could sit at the dinner table and eat delicious food and cake. It was the only thing he asked for. Even Kang Taerim, his nanny-not-nanny agreed it was a beautiful wish.

So when Taerim-halmonim showed him her sad face and told him to start eating, alone, Seokjin nearly shouted in anger. Instead, he shoved food into his mouth until his feelings overwhelmed him. He ran away, crying, to hide where the space between his dresser and bedroom wall could hug him as tightly as he wanted his mom to.

Over and over and over and over, all Seokjin wanted was to see his parents. He missed his brother. Did they even remember he was here? He just wanted them here.

Oh, sweetheart, Taerim-halmonim spoke from the other end of the dresser. Seokjin wiped his tears on his arm and looked up. She sat cross-legged on the floor, a gentle smile on her face. Not for the first time, Seokjin wished that she was his mom instead of his parents’ house keeper. I know it hurts so, so much. But you still have halmonim, don’t you? She opened her arms, inviting him for a hug.

Things will get better one day, she said later, when Seokjin’s head was tucked in the crook of her neck and her shoulder thoroughly soaked with tears. I promise you, it will.

And if halmonim said it, it had to be true.

********************

November 22, 2023 It’s your parent’s anniversary soon. Don’t you think you should visit them?

********************

Home was chaos as usual. Namjoon walked the little ones home today, while Yoongi and Hoseok attended the local hagwon. It wasn’t great by any means, not like the one Seokjin used to attend, but it taught Hoseok dance, and Namjoon music, and Yoongi got to play sports, and Seokjin was improving his math grade, so he supposed it did its job. Jeongguk and Taehyung were making what sounded like a lot of unnecessary noise while they played with their toys, while Jimin sorted lego bricks. It looked like he was preparing another several-day-long project, which might mean a future where their caretaker cried as they spent even more money on even more legos. Jimin often used most of the lego blocks on his projects and refused to take them apart afterwards. The last time one of his creations was forcefully destroyed, he sulked for a week. Their caretaker didn’t normally care about the tantrums and attitudes the seven of them threw around the house -- and there was always someone upset about something -- but everyone in the house usually went out of their way to make Jimin happy. They had spent so much effort getting him comfortable when the twins first joined their family that it was probably a permanent way of life; Make Jimin smile. Indulge Taehyung. Adore Jeongguk. The three of them were probably some of the most spoiled children in all of Korea, and they were all proud to admit it.

Seokjin swiftly greeted the little ones with a hand in their hair, then went to the kitchen table and took a seat beside Namjoon. He unloaded his books from his bag, stole several bites from Namjoon’s bowl of fruit, and began his homework. From where he sat, he could keep an eye on the little ones and stop any fighting before it got a chance to start. He could also continue eating his brother’s food, which was the most important part.

“There’s plenty in the refrigerator, you know,” Namjoon rolled his eyes as he took his bowl back. “It’s cut and portioned and everything.”

“Your point escapes me,” said Seokjin. He smiled and reached for another bite of melon. His arms were long, the bowl wasn't as far away as Namjoon thought it was. “There’s fruit right here in front of me.” He received an eraser to the face for his trouble, but violence was practically a love language in their household.

******************

March 3, 2022 Didn't your brother graduate? You should call him. My phone number hasn't changed. He can call me too.

*******************

This won’t sound very nice, but after that stunt you pulled at dinner last night, I need to level with you. Seokwan’s voice was soft, but the look on his face betrayed his frustration. Their family attended a dinner party the previous night, where Seokjin had lost his temper. Their parents, and had ignored him all night, even while they conversed with the adults and other children Seokjin’s age. It was bad enough they pretended he didn’t exist at home, but then they went out their way to treat him like a handsome and well-behaved doll.

Your expectations are too high. You want the family you see on television, and that doesn’t exist in reality. Seokjin had a few faint memories of playing and laughing with his older brother, but now… well, Seokjin couldn’t say the last time they talked together. Seokwan went away for school, and then attended hagwon over breaks, then holed up in his bedroom when he was home. He was as much a stranger as his parents these days. I’ve been where you are. I’ve wanted what you wanted. And then I grew up. Seokjin, you’re going to start middle school soon. You need to let go of your fantasies. Here, Seokwan handed his brother the gift bag in his hand. Inside was another action figure that Seokjin would never play with. It felt like a bribe. You’re meant to make our family look good. You can’t go around throwing temper tantrums and acting out at your age. It’s embarrassing. And as long as you continue to embarrass them, our parents will never acknowledge you.

The words hurt. They stung his eyes and burned his chest, but they weren’t unexpected. Seokjin already knew all of this, at least a little bit. He loved going to fancy dinners and dressing in adult clothes, but he hated the way his parents treated him. He just wanted to know that they cared about him.

Sometimes, he wondered if they loved him.

What’s this for then? he asked.

You wanted attention. Seokwan explained. This is the most they’re willing to give. But remember, all actions have consequences. Even if you're not the one who receives them.

*******************

August 16, 2018 I’m sorry I didn’t mean it. Please come back I didn’t get to say goodbye I’ll apologize. Just please come back This is for the best, dear. I love you. Don’t give your new housekeeper a hard time. But she won’t be you Things change. It’s okay.

********************

“Kim Seokjin, where are you?” Seonsaengnim’s voice was loud, bordering on shrill, but Seokjin still took his time walking through the house to meet their guardian outside of the kitchen.

“Whatever it is, I didn’t do it.”

“No, you didn’t, and that’s the point,” they replied. “I have something for you!”

Before the surprise could be revealed, Seokjin heard Jeongguk’s voice begin, “Happy birthday to you!”

“Hey, Jeongguk, it’s not anyone’s birthday today,” Yoongi cut him off. Seokjin gave his guardian a curious look.

“It was your turn to choose dessert the other night,” they said, leading Seokjin to the counter, “but I forgot, and then I didn’t feel like arguing with the kids about it. So, I brought home your favorite to make it up to you. You boys ate dinner already, right?” The cake was rounded and covered in red and white fondant, with strawberry slices creating something like flowers around the edges and skewered on top. It resembled a Mario cap, and brought a smile to Seokjin’s face. “Knuckleheads, back up, Jinnie gets the first piece!”

“I’m not a knucklehead,” argued Taehyung.

“Yes, you are,” said Seonsaengnim. “I said it, so it must be true.”

“You also said I was going to get a good grade on my exam --”

“Kim Namjoon, you would have if you would have gone to bed when I told you, instead of playing games under your blankets.”

“Stop arguing near my cake, you’re gonna ruin the flavor,” Seokjin whined, slapping at Yoongi’s hand when it reached for one of the fruits. Unfortunately, that left the cake open to Hoseok’s greedy fingers instead. “Stop it, I didn’t even get to take a picture!”

“Hurry up before we take it all then,” Namjoon teased, snatching up another berry.

“I hate all of you. Just so that you know.”

“Seonsaengnim, Jinnie-hyung said mean words!” screamed Jimin.

“Jinnie-hyung is lying!” yelled Taehyung.

“I just wanted cake, is that so much to ask?” Seokjin whined, watching his brothers steal more of his fruit.

“Choices have consequences,” Seonsaengnim laughed, placing a stack of saucers and a knife beside him. “Next time you want to get adopted, pick a smaller household. And apologize to your younger brothers.”

“Which ones?”

“Take your pick, you probably did something to all of them. I’d start with the twins though.”

********************

March 22, 2019 Kim Seokjin, do not ignore me. Answer your phone when I call you. I’m worried about you. March 23, 2019 Please, tell me you’re okay. I just want to know that you’re safe. March 24, 2019 I’m safe

Where are you?

At home

Your housekeeper hasn’t seen you for weeks. Your food is untouched. Your bed hasn’t been slept in. Don’t lie to me. March 25, 2019 I am at home Just not their home

*******************

Seokjin looked down at the notarized papers in his hands. His heart beat wildly in his chest, both in excitement and fear. He had managed to not just… well, in an effort of transparency, he managed to manipulate both of his parents into giving up their parental rights, and a third into adopting him. It shouldn’t have been so easy. It really, really shouldn’t have been so simple, but his parent’s paid so little attention to him that they didn’t even read the paperwork he gave them, and his teacher was so trusting and careless that Seokjin only had to tell the simplest of white lies to get his way. That was a little concerning, but he imagined there weren’t too many kids willing to… well, in an effort of transparency with himself, willing to commit fraud just to be adopted by their teacher.

But… the four of them looked like they had fun together. Seonsaengnim still looked exhausted, but they still helped the smallest one eat their bingsu while making cute noises, and hugged the older ones and answered all of their questions and smiled and… it was like watching his old nanny -- the nanny fired because of him -- raise three kids who weren’t him. And once that idea crossed his mind…. Seokjin wanted that. He wanted back the guardian his parents took from him.

So he tricked his parents and he lied to his teacher, and did something a little bit illegal, but… well, his parents will never notice. And even if they did… Seokjin didn’t want to go back. And legally, they couldn’t make him. Probably.

Now, all he had to do was convince Seonsaengnim’s kids to adopt him too.

********************

March 25, 2019 Did something happen? Can you answer the phone? March 26, 2019 I know you’re upset with me, but please, please answer. I’m sorry. March 27, 2019 I am so sorry. Please tell me where you are. March 28, 2019 Seokjin, if you’re able please reply. Where are you? March 29, 2019 Seokjin? March 30, 2019 I’m not going back there You can’t make me go back Where are you? You aren’t old enough to live alone. March 31, 2019 I’m safe I’m not alone I promise You won’t even tell me where you are. How is that safe? Halmonim I’m happy. How do I know you are safe in this "home?" You don’t understand how dangerous this is. Go back to your family.

********************

“Seokjin-ah,” his guardian called to him as he exit the bathroom, dressed and cleaned for bed. They were wiping down the kitchen surfaces, the dishes clean and drying in the rack. The other boys were in bed already, but Seokjin had planned to stay awake to study for another hour or two. Seokjin stood in the threshold now, watching his guardian work.

“I’ve been meaning to check in with you,” they said. “Is everything okay? You’ve been a little withdrawn lately.”

Seokjin smiled ruefully. He thought he’d done a better job at hiding his mental state, but maybe he overestimated his acting skills. “I’m a little worried about my grades,” he said. “I want to get a scholarship for a really good high school, but I can’t exactly do that if I don’t score well on my exams.

“If you were worried about your grades, you’d be whining about it,” Saem replied. “Try another lie. Or the truth. The truth is preferable.”

Seokjin hadn’t exactly lied. He did want to get a scholarship to a good high school, and he was worried about his exams, but he was also confident that he would be successful. At the very least, he had a backup plan, so no, Seokjin wasn’t exactly being honest. “I feel sick?”

“I don’t think you’ve matured that much in the past several months.”

Seokjin chuckled at that response. He could be more obnoxious and demanding than the little ones when he was sick, so he searched his brain for another, more believable story. It wasn’t that Seokjin didn’t trust his guardian. He trusted them to keep him safe and fed and clothed and sheltered, and he trusted them to be honest and fair. He trusted his guardian to treat him like a person, even when they lost their temper with him. He trusted his guardian to love him unconditionally. And Seokjin loved them in return. Part of that love meant keeping his guardian safe from his secrets.

“I…” Seokjin struggled with his words, unsure how honest he should be. “I’m worried about my old nanny.” That was enough of the truth, he thought. “I may have been in contact with her recently and… well, she’s kind of old. Older than you.”

“I’m going to ignore the old comment and focus on your nanny. Is she okay?”

“She’s fine,” said Seokjin, relieved that his distraction worked. “Just old, like I said. She’s still healthy as far as I know. I just worry.”

“Were you concerned that you can’t go see her?”

“She lives in Busan now,” said Seokjin. “That’s a little far for an after school trip.”

“We could all go during a break, if you'd like,” Seonsaengnim suggested. “The boys have been wanting to see the beach anyway.”

Seokjin frowned. The conversation wasn’t going the way he expected it to, and it was making him uncomfortable. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Kang Taerim. He missed her terribly. He just… Seokjin felt his heart drop in his chest when he realized: he didn’t trust her anymore. Whether he saw her in Seoul or Busan or overseas, Seokjin just didn’t trust his old nanny not to take him back to his parents, and that scared him.

“We can go to Busan,” Seokjin decided. “But I don’t want to see Taerim halmonim. I like our relationship the way it is now.” Even though Seokjin pretended the two of them hadn't grown distant over the years, he had to admit to himself now that the distance was good. He couldn't get kidnapped and taken back home if there was distance.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” he said.

"Any particular reasons?"

Seokjin frowned. As well-meaning as his caretaker was, he didn't enjoy their prying. When they pried, Seokjin had to debate whether he should lie or not. He didn't particularly enjoy lying. "A few. I don't want to talk about it."

His caretaker paused in their wiping down the faucet and fixed Seokjin with a hard stare. At this point in their relationship, it was a completely nonverbal argument, where his guardian analyzed his face and body language, while he tried his best to pretend he wasn't hiding anything. Seokjin doubted he was ever as successful as he liked to think he was, but he also appreciated that whatever his guardian found, they likely wouldn't bring it up. Yet.

“Okay," Seonsaengnim agreed slowly."I won't press it if you’re sure. Was that all you were thinking about?” They wrung out their rag and laid it in its place on the sink. Suddenly, all of their attention was focused on Seokjin. “Something tells me that’s not it.”

“That’s…” he considered his feelings, and what he was and wasn’t willing to talk about right now. It felt like something had shifted inside after realizing the uneasy feeling he had when thinking about Taerim halmonim was distrust. “That’s everything I’m willing to think about tonight, I think.”

“Will you come find me if you change your mind?” they asked, opening their arms. Seokjin felt relieved to be offered the hug he needed. He felt awkward about asking for hugs from his guardian when he wanted them. Seonsaengnim must have noticed how desperate he was because they squeezed him tighter than usual, and didn’t let go until Seokjin pulled back. He felt a little more settled inside, even if it still felt like everything had changed.

“I’ll probably come find you for help with math,” he said.

“You’ll fail if you did that, kid,” said his guardian. “I’m an English teacher for a reason.”

In his bedroom, Seokjin stared for a long moment at the textbooks laying on his desk. He really did need to spend an hour or two with his math formulas, or finishing his Korean assignments. It was the smart choice.

Instead, he crawled into bed with Jeongguk. His youngest brother was an excellent cuddler, and Seokjin could really use a teddy bear tonight.

*****************************

Collecting Strays series, previous, first

So, if the formatting is strange, I tried my best; between my outdated Chromebook and the tumblr website, I was fighting for my life. Hopefully, the text conversations came through alright and the timeline of events is clear enough. As always, my inbox is open for suggestions and requests, preferably for this series, but I might be open to other, preferably platonic, BTS requests.

[ardeidae-e]

They are so Everlong by Foo Fighters it's fucking insane.

[cyrafoam]

so. um-

*leaves this on the table and runs away*

[chahnniesroom]

for richer, for poorer

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: gift giving has always been something you've agonised over. for chan, just having you in his life is enough.

word count: 3.4k

warnings: insecurities (especially related to finances), feeling anxious, hurt/comfort

a/n: i know it’s still a long time until october, but i didn't write it in time to fit as like a holiday related fic.

bonus: minho's reaction to his gift (included as a reblog of this post)

till death do us part collection | read it on ao3 | masterlist

Gift giving has always been something that you agonised over. You wanted so desperately to get something meaningful and special that nothing you ended up getting seemed special enough.

So when Felix had proposed throwing both Chan and Minho a party for their birthdays, you were more than happy to help plan. You could see that Chan had hesitated when Felix had told them about it, but he had ultimately agreed when he saw the way Minho had seemed to perk up at the idea.

It wouldn’t be anything too big, Felix promised, just inviting some close friends to have dinner and hang out. It slowly balloons into more than a simple dinner, but the opportunities for the members to have their friends gather are so rare that you swallow your concerns.

The night of, you can’t help feeling a bit nervous. You recognise almost everyone, but that's the part that scares you - you've only seen most of these people through your phone screen before. You know Chan and Minho have a lot of idol friends, but you didn't realise there would be so many at the party. You had discussed the guest list with Felix briefly, but your concern had been about the number of guests and not who they actually were. Now you’re starting to regret it, you aren’t mentally prepared to be face to face with so many celebrities.

The time passes surprisingly quickly with people trickling in as the night goes on. Dinner is casual, you’ve helped to cook a number of dishes and takeout was ordered to fill the rest of the counter. There isn’t enough proper seating so everyone is spread throughout the kitchen and living room.

You spend most of the time just wandering through and making sure that there’s no shortage of drinks, appetizers, and that the empty dishes or cups are cleared away. Of course, you greet everybody as they arrive and thank them for coming, but it’s hard not to be intimidated by all the famous faces.

Eventually Changbin drags the birthday boys to the living room, standing them in front of the TV to open gifts. Everyone else either crams themselves onto the couches, sits on the floor, or loiters closer to the doors.

Chan insists that he open presents at the same time as Minho instead of one at a time like Jisung suggests. Someone pushes a couple of matching boxes into their hands and steps away.

It's almost comical how different they open them. Chan takes his time, carefully pulling apart the ribbon that's wrapped around the box, sliding the lid off and putting it to the side, then slowly peeling aside the tissue paper. Minho on the other hand, manages to pull the ribbon off the box without untying it and flips the box to shake off the lid and reveal the contents.

They're complementary hoodies in the casual and oversized fit that the boys usually go for. You recognize the brand, have seen the members wear it on more than one occasion, and know that they most likely cost the same as your monthly salary.

The next gifts seem fairly innocuous, a beanie for Chan and a baseball cap for Minho, but you know their pieces often go for over a million won, more than you’ve ever spent on a single clothing item.

It continues on like this, the boys receiving items like music equipment, alcohol, and sunglasses. It makes you swallow hard when you think of your own, mostly handmade gift.

Maybe the worst part is that nobody else at the party even blinks an eye at it. You can’t blame them, it’s the nature of their occupation that has gotten them desensitised to being surrounded by luxury and it’s not like they can’t afford to indulge in getting more expensive things.

When you look down, wanting to stop staring at the pile of opened gifts, you see that you've partially crushed the packaging of your own gift. It already looked shabby enough, it was obvious you had wrapped it yourself and the paper you used was from the supermarket, but now it was even worse.

When you try to smooth out the crinkles, your shaky fingers somehow make it ruin it more. You bite your lip, hard, then stop, self conscious about your appearance around all these idols.

It suddenly feels cramped and too warm, sweat starting to gather on your forehead and back. The room starts to spin slightly and you become overly aware of your heart beating in your chest.

A burst of laughter from the crowd spooks you, pulling you out of your head. You use the opportunity to get to your feet and excuse yourself. You slip away as quietly as you can and breathe a sigh of relief when you make it into Chan's room without anyone following you.

You don’t bother to turn on the lights, not wanting anyone to check up on you, and sit on the ground with your back against Chan’s bed. With the door closed, the noise from the party is muffled and it’s significantly colder in this area of the dorm. You press your hands to your face and take a few deep breaths to try and calm your heart rate.

You don’t know what’s wrong with you because you know you shouldn’t feel like his. You had been looking forward to watching Chan and Minho open their gifts, you had spent a lot of time preparing them and you had felt confident that they would enjoy them.

Well, until you saw everything else that they received.

Now your ideas just seemed silly. You feel humiliated at the thought of everybody seeing the obviously cheap gifts and even worse when you consider how ashamed Chan might be for others to know that you were his partner.

Although you were working full-time at the moment, you had only graduated from university last year and your student debt was an ever present weight on your shoulders that you tried your best to hide. Everything you had went to paying it back and checking in bi-weekly to see the number get smaller and smaller was the only thing that made you feel better.

Chan knew that you often worried about money. You had been mortified the first time that he had walked in on you trying to organise your finances for the next few months. He had glanced over your shoulder before you had even realised he was in the room and all the red cells showing where you were in a deficit were hard to miss.

It had been early on in your relationship and the dates that the two of you had been on as well as a couple unforeseen events had meant that you had been spending way more than what you had anticipated. Of course, Chan had treated you on a number of occasions, but you refused sometimes because you felt guilty every time he offered to pay, especially since it had been only a couple years after his debut.

He had been more than understanding, but you had been so embarrassed and caught off guard that you couldn't stop the tears from streaking down your face. Since then, Chan and the members had never done anything to make you feel like they pitied you or thought any less of you for your financial situation, in fact they did the opposite.

When you had first started visiting the dorms, opening the food delivery apps was like a reflex for all of the boys once it was dinnertime. You were always hesitant to choose anything and felt even worse by the nonchalant way that they covered the costs each time. Even though you knew they didn’t think anything of it, you couldn’t help but feel like you were taking advantage of their hospitality.

Somehow they caught on to your reluctance to buy food and now it's tradition that you cook for them when you come over, enough so that they keep the kitchen stocked with more than ramen, chicken breasts, and protein powder.

In particular, Minho absolutely loved your cooking and had needled you many times on sharing how you made it. You had always denied him though, saying that you didn't use exact measurements and came up with things on the fly. That’s why for his gift, you had taken the time to create a recipe book, complete with pictures for each step and modifications that he could make based on the ingredients he had.

You had spent a few months thinking about what to give Chan. He was harder to shop for since you knew he wasn't overly fond of celebrating his birthday and didn’t want you to spend money on him, but was always touched when you got him something. Usually, you tried to do something he was more likely to accept.

Last year, you had organised with the company to give Chan a day off and had taken him out to a movie. It was a pretty standard date, but the two of you rarely had the opportunity to go out together and you knew Chan had resigned himself to watching the movie when it was released online instead of going to the theatres like he had hoped to. Having to spend a few days trying to sort out all the logistics of secretly rearranging Chan’s schedule had been more than worth it with the way that his face had lit up when you had told him about what you had planned.

You don't know how long you sit alone, but every time that you tell yourself to get up and rejoin the party, it feels impossible to move.

“Hey,” Chan's voice is cautious, but you startle anyway, scrambling to stand up. Stuck in your thoughts, you hadn’t even noticed him entering the room. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. Just needed some air, it was getting kind of stuffy in there,” you explain. “I didn't think you'd notice.”

“Of course I noticed. You were there one second and gone the next, I didn't know what happened.”

“It’s nothing.” You avoid Chan’s gaze, not wanting to see the concern that shines in his eyes.

Chan steps closer, then reaches out and tangles your fingers together, using your connection to pull the two of you to sit on the bed.

“Y/n, baby,” he says softly. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in here.” He leans forward until the side of his head bumps into yours.

“It’s-”

“Don’t say it’s not important,” he warns. “It’s important to you and that makes it important to me, okay?”

“Uhm,” you pause for a moment, unsure of how you want to word your thoughts. You trust Chan, but it still feels scary being vulnerable. “I guess, I was just feeling… Insecure.”

“Insecure?” Chan tilts his head slightly. “About what?”

“Everyone-” you laugh slightly, embarrassed. “Everyone gave you guys such nice gifts, I feel like mine don’t even compare.”

“Y/n, you know I don’t care about that kind of thing. If I had the choice, nobody would be giving me gifts at all. Just having you in my life is enough.” Chan’s voice is painfully sincere.

“I know you don't mind. It just- It feels bad that I can't give you something nice like they can. It's dumb, I know, but I can't help it.”

“I can open it here, away from everyone else if you want,” Chan offers. “Or you don't even have to give it to me today, you can save it until you feel better. Or don't give it to me at all, it's all okay.”

“No no, I want you to have it,” you say immediately. Before you can think better of it, you reach down and retrieve the gift from where you left it on the floor.

“Whatever makes you feel comfortable,” Chan reassures you.

“This is fine,” you decide. “Just the two of us."

“Okay.”

“It’s not designer,” you say suddenly, fiddling with the ribbon that keeps the two packages together. Both of you ignore the fact that you’re just stalling at this point.

“I don’t need any more clothes, I barely wear everything I own now,” Chan jokes.

“Really, you might not like it,” you warn.

“Baby, when have I ever disliked anything that you’ve gotten for me?” Chan drops the teasing tone. You think for a moment.

“When you asked me to order noodles for you and I accidentally got you the spicy version and it made you cry?”

“Did I say that I didn’t like them?”

“No, you ate it all even though I warned you that it would make your stomach hurt for the next couple of days,” you say, smiling faintly at the memory.

You had gotten yourself the same dish and had found it to be bearable, while Chan’s face had turned bright red after the first bite. You had offered a few times to get him a non-spicy version so that he could enjoy himself, but he had been determined to finish, soaking his shirt and beanie with how much he had sweated. He hadn’t even been able to continue carrying a conversation with you, too busy trying to suck in air to cool his mouth.

It had been even funnier for you the next day, receiving multiple texts from Chan about his stomach hurting and having to continually pause dance practice to go to the bathroom.

“The pain was worth it,” Chan insists. “I'm actually convinced that I'll like anything you give me. Now come on, let me open my gifts!”

You hand over the gift and watch as he pulls away the ribbon to separate the boxes and peels away the tape on the first package. His brow is furrowed in concentration as he tries not to rip the wrapping paper.

This gift was more neutral, a set that contained a wallet and cardholder, both in black. Although Chan hadn’t complained at all, the wallet he had been using was from years ago and the synthetic material was starting to crack and flake away at the edges.

He looks delighted, examining it briefly before pulling out his old wallet and transferring all his cards and cash into this new one. Although it’s not a name brand, you had purchased it at a small shop specialising in handcrafted genuine leather goods at a surprisingly affordable price. It was good quality and suited the simplicity that Chan preferred.

“It's just what I needed,” he says, sounding pleased. “You pay so much attention.”

“I'm glad you like it,” you say, feeling relieved even though you had been pretty sure that he would be happy with it.

The unease comes back when he turns his attention to the second gift. Once again, he puts in effort to gently unwrap it, revealing an old chocolate box that you had repurposed from one of your dates.

You’ve always been on the more sentimental side and had saved it, wanting to remember the evening that Chan had taken you out and the two of you had spent 20 minutes in the shop, meticulously picking out the flavours that you wanted to try. The box is made of a surprisingly durable material and is the perfect size for this gift. You’ve painted over it too, concealing the original design.

Chan turns it around in his hands curiously, before sliding the lid up. You turn away to stare at your hands, overwhelmed by nervousness.

You already know what’s inside. It’s a deck of cards that you’ve transformed, with 52 things I love about you inscribed on one of the jokers. On the flip side, you’ve painted a picture of you and Chan smiling widely with your cheeks pressed together. It’s his favourite, one he always tells you would be permanently on his lock screen if he wasn’t an idol.

The rest of the cards are decorated similarly, a small drawing or painting on one side with the things, people, and places that Chan loves on one side, and something that you love about Chan on the other. The last joker is the only one that's different, you've treated it as a card and have a small message written on.

You had been so excited when you had thought of the idea, even though it was almost embarrassingly cheesy. Chan was often hard on himself, overly critical, and sometimes insecure. You tried your best to reassure him that he was doing well, both in his career and personal life, but you weren’t always able to be with him to do it in person.

As time goes by, your dread just continues to build, but you don't dare look up, not wanting to see Chan's reaction. Based on the silence, he’s clearly not thrilled with the silly idea that you had gone with. You can almost imagine his expression, jaw clenched and lips pressed together as he tries to think of what he can say to let you down easy.

Finally, you can't take it any longer and you lean forward, reaching out to grab at the cards that he's still reading though.

“I'm sorry, it's stupid, I know,” you say quickly. “You can tell me that you hate it, it's okay. I don't know what I was thinking, but just- give me more time, I'll get you something else, something nicer-”

It catches Chan off guard, and instead of successfully taking the cards away, you grapple with them for a second before they slip between both of your hands, scattering across the floor like confetti.

You instantly drop to your knees, scrabbling to scoop them up like the most awful game of 52 pick up that you've ever played in your life. To your horror, the task gets even more difficult as tears start to well up in your eyes.

“Y/n-” Chan says gently, reaching out and taking your wrists in his hands to stop your frantic movements. “Come here.”

You resist for a moment, but he pulls you into his arms, cradling your head so your face is resting on his shoulder. The tears leaking from your eyes soak into the fabric and you sniffle softly.

“I'm sorry,” you say, voice partially muffled. “I'm a mess.”

In response, Chan pulls back slightly and when you don't turn towards him, he taps a finger against your cheek until you face him. Your eyes widen when you notice that he also has tear tracks streaking down his face.

“What-”

“It's okay, I'm a mess too. I should have said it sooner,” he says, voice low and gravelly. Still in his embrace, you can feel the rumble of it in his chest. “I love it. I was overwhelmed, I wanted to say something but you left me speechless.”

“Don't just say it-”

“I've never had a gift so thoughtful, Y/n,” Chan says earnestly. “How could you think this was stupid? You must have spent hours and hours on it and I really appreciate it. It’s just- is this really what you think of me?”

“What do you mean?” you ask.

“Do you really love that-” Chan picks up the closest card to him and flips it so that he can read the message. “That I snore? Y/n, why do you even have this in the list?”

“Yes, snoring was one thing and it's because with everything, there’s always a reason to love it. It's not that I love that you snore, but with your insomnia, hearing you snore is a relief because it means you're sleeping, that you're resting. Even with your insomnia, I know you're busy thinking of every little way you can make things just right for you and the members. It's because you care so much, how could I not love these parts of you?”

“You- you really love all these little things?”

“Of course I do,” you say in a hushed voice. “Of course. When I was making these, I couldn't fit it all. I love everything about you, Chan.”

This time, it's Chan that breaks eye contact, shaking his head as if in disbelief.

“I don't know what I did to deserve you.”

“It's not about deserving. You didn't have to do anything, that's the whole point. I love you just as you are.”

“You know that's how I feel about you, right?”

“Chan-”

“Even if you never got me anything ever again, I wouldn't love you any less. You being in my life, by my side, that's the greatest gift you could ever give.”

till death do us part collection | read it on ao3 | masterlist

[ohprcr]

Just feel the ROCK!!! 🔥💥⚡️✨

[felassan]

Compilation of snippets from the DA:TV acting talent panel at SDCC (Dragon Age: Meet the Heroic Companions of Thedas) today (July 26th). DA:TV spoilers under cut.

Huge props and tysm to the users who live-tweeted and clipped this panel, you are heroes 🙏💜!!

The panel was moderated. In attendance were John Epler, creative performance director Ashley Barlow, and the actors of Lucanis, Neve, Emmrich, and Harding - Zach Mendez, Jessica Clark, Nick Boraine, and Ali Hillis respectively.

The panel ended with a Q&A session.

(BioWare have stated that a recording of the panel will be made available at a later date.)

Edit/update: I've now been through this post and tidied it up :)

---

Here are some pictures from the panel [source]

Here are some more pictures from the panel [source]

In this Twitter thread there are also some video clips of parts of the panel [source]

BioWare tried to avoid spoilers in the panel [source]

Key points/summary of DA:TV: hunting Solas, found family companions, stop the elven gods [source]

When auditioning the companions, BW were specifically looking for character chemistry [source]

BW used motion capture for the game [source]. Mo-cap was mentioned a lot in the panel [source]

Lucanis sees assassination as a job. His mind is as dangerous as his knives and he is also "kinda hilarious" [source]

There was mention of other Crows [source]

Zach Mendez read Tevinter Nights like three times [source]

A clip of the actors doing mo-cap was shown [source]. Photos of Zach mo-capping for other characters was shown [source]

BioWare said that Zach brought a certain darkness to Lucanis [source]

Zach is excited for the romance and is looking forward to the stats [source]

Zach mentioned that he used his own relationship with his brother in his portrayal of Lucanis [source] (surely this means ILLARIO.. ?👀)

Zach played a lot of darkspawn originally while auditioning [source]

Ali Hillis really welcomed Zach into the DA family [source]

Neve is from Minrathous. She has fun banter and is a cynical detective with a heart of gold. They want to show a rebellious side of Tevinter [source]

Jessica Clark loves Neve's loyalty, dedication, and different vision of Tevinter

Neve is fighting for the people [source]. Jessica: "She is really really fighting for those people, and she loves those people. So, yes, she's cynical, and yes she's kind of tough and brusque and all these other things, but when they say there's a heart of gold, there really, like, to have that kind of a passion and dedicate your life to something like that, I think that's definitely my favorite part about her" [source]

Jessica loves how much Neve loves Docktown and its people [source]

Neve sees a different vision for Tevinter than what has previously been depicted in the series [source]

The actors were separate from one another while recording lines but still bonded really well and organically [source]

There are several Veilguard gc [source] (groupchats?)

Ali is an angel and very supportive of the new cast [source]

Emmrich is a "stone cold silver fox" (this is a quote from the panel moderator) [source]

BioWare knew the reaction they would get about Emmrich from the fandom [source]

Nick Boraine feels like he's been preparing for Emmrich all his life. He's obsessed with death (as a comfort and not scary) and enabling people to transition into death. He is attracted to this aspect of the character [source]

"You're gonna need a dictionary for Emmrich" for all the magic spells [source]

"Interesting how this character caught fire compared to the other sexy characters" [source] (I think this was said wrt Emmrich?)

BW had a great time recording with Nick, he is a very consistent actor [source]

Nick and Matt Mercer have never met [source]

Manfred plays off of Emmrich. "I set the tone" [source]

What has Harding been doing in-between DA:I and DA:TV? She's been working closely with Varric and the Inquisition remnants. She and Neve already met in the comics [source]

Ali vividly remembers the beginning of voicing Harding, she says it's brilliant writing. She really thought of Harding's personality and traits. She's so happy to be back [source]

wrt the Covid-19 pandemic and the year 2020, BW had to pivot with working remotely and were able to push through their projects. [source]

"[Harding] chasing Solas for a decade..." "that was a great relationship that [you] developed... and now I'll stop talking now". Ali was excited [source]

John Epler talked about how companions may but heads, and won't be predictable [source]

There are thousands and thousands of lines and so many characters to meet [source]

Zach "unfortunately has been around the DA Reddit before recording as Lucanis" [source]. He feels inspired by all the fans and cannot wait for us to play it [source]

[new textblock due to character limit!]

John Epler on Emmrich: "I mean honestly, I will say, like, we expected a great reaction to Emmrich. Went beyond what we expected for sure. But it’s been fascinating to see, because again, Emmrich is this character, he’s more of the professorial, more, he brings a wisdom and kind of a calmness to the group, so even when things are at their worst, there’s that one person in the group who is kinda like, ‘okay, y’know, we've got, let's figure it out, let’s take a deep breath’. And just his journey through his character arc, and his interactions with the others, it’s been fantastic to see. Even just finding opportunities for him to bounce off the other characters, you know, the way he talks to Bellara, the way he talks to Neve, it’s all so different, but it’s also just, again, based around this core of this warm, kind-hearted, professorial necromancer. Which, again, is not something you see a lot of in media. I mean, usually, necromancers are depicted in a very specific way. But it’s been, it's awesome to see how Emmrich has grown and just, really one of the most, one of my favorite experiences has been just working with Emmrich’s writer, working with Emmrich as a character." [source]

All the actors are excited about the dialogue and narrative, and for us to explore DA:TV [source]

Ali says that we will really find ourselves in this game [source]

During the recording process, the actors all hear the previous person's recording and react or respond to it [source]

Due to Covid-related lockdown, a lot of recording was done over Zoom, and the writers besides Ashley Barlow (creative performance director) would jump in on the call to talk about the previous person’s lines [source]

A question was asked about the background factions. "Characters not causes". [source]

You can work with the Grey Wardens in the game (for example) [source]

The actors all met this weekend. They are an "un-chosen" family [source]

Zach stood in for multiple characters for mo-cap, for example he was Assan [source]

Lucanis has a heart but is stubborn and stuck in his ways. Zach is excited for fans to help his character open up as the story progresses [source]

Jessica is incredibly honored to join the DA universe. She is new to voice acting for video games. “This is play pretend. Playing Neve allowed her to step into her power.” [source]

A question was asked on what their first exposure to fantasy was, and do they implement this into the acting? John talked about Lord of the Rings and how every media you experience will seep out into your work [source]

Ashley didn't want the dialogue to sound modern [source]

Zach loves Theseus and talked about the symbolism in DA [source]

Jessica loves Greek mythology and lore [source]

Nick talked about The Hobbit and how he would dress up in big boots and a cape when his mother would read to him [source]

Ali recently went to Greece and felt like she saw DA everywhere [source]

A question was asked - "From your companion's perspective, which previous companion would you romance?" Zach kind of has a thing for The Iron Bull, saying "oh that awakened something inside of me". He also likes Dorian. Jessica was too overwhelmed to answer. Nick was also overwhelmed by the question, but thinks Solas is sexy [source] [source]

Ali fangirled over Lucanis and Emmrich [source], prefers Emmrich [source]

A question was asked - "Is DA:TV and DA:I streamlined together?" [paraphrased]. Answer: DA games are not as streamlined as Mass Effect and act almost as standalones [source]

The cast were asked about which aspect of their character is their favorite. Ali loves the little quirks about Harding. "Lucanis is a good cook!?" ** Neve is very dry and pretty closed off about it. For Emmrich, it's the "exploration of the idea of death and necromancy" [source] (** FINALLY CITATION for this? :D)

A question was asked: "How do you decide to introduce the lore in each game?" BioWare answered that it depends as they build each game. They always know the base lore, and see opportunities through game mechanics and characters. They try not to infodump [source]

A question was asked: "Any favorite party banter?" Ashley Barlow said to listen for "hand to bone combat" [source]

The game takes place approximately 10 years after the end of DA:I. You start the game hunting for Solas. The game is built on some core principles: be who you want to be in a world worth saving and with characters that matter. The companions are always at the heart of DA and they are at the heart of this game too. [source]

The moderator asked John Epler about what is bringing this party of people ("this rogues' gallery") together. John: "I mean, it's the end of the world, and each character that you bring into your party understands that the world is ending, that they need to stop that, and you're really building, what I would say is, more of a found family. These are characters who may not start off liking each other, may not even start off liking you, but over time they grow to understand the importance of what they're doing and just, how critical it is to stop the elven gods" [source]

"He is kind and has some spectacular lines. He is a natural nerdy scientist. He loves learning." [source] (Emmrich? ^^)

Ali didn't realize that Harding was such a beloved character. She thanked fans for bringing this character back [source]

Ali is super excited that the game is releasing. She said that there has been an evolution to Harding's character and that she's been chasing Solas for like a decade at this point [source]

Jessica loves the writing in the game [source]

Nick loves its narrative [source]

Ali said that this game is going to take you into a world that will blow your minds [source]

On Manfred: Nick was asked what it was like having another character to bounce off of. He said "Oh man! I mean, that is such a hard question, because Matt and I have never met, and we worked completely separately, and, I, I mean I know that the rapport is really great, but it's in the ether, I mean it is just, the magic that these guys create, telling us how to respond, how to do that, but it's, I can't wait to meet Matt" [source]

BW still said that the game's release window is Fall 2024 [source]. Nothing more specific was given [source]

There are also more snippets here in this Tumblr post, go check it out!

[source, two]

[lotus-pear]

got around to fully coloring two of the requests yippee‼️

[zeroeightzeroone]

i'm proud of you - han jisung

love collection

genre: hurt/comfort, fluff

synopsis: after a long day and an even longer past couple of weeks, jisung needs you

pairings: fem!reader (infp) x idol!han jisung (istp)

warnings: ji is stressed

wc ~2.2k | moodboard

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡･:*:★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

j.one<3: i need you i'm coming over i'll be there in 30

you: i'll unlock the door in 25

taking into account how busy jisung has been the past couple of weeks and the way he's texting you, something is going on with him.

its that time of the year when stray kids are preparing for their comeback and for the past couple of weeks, along with the other members' schedules, jisung's schedule has been packed to the brim. he's been in and out of the recording studio, the dance practice room, attending interviews and pre-recordings to prepare with the rest of the boys, basically working non-stop.

of course, jisung loves his job and is grateful for the opportunity to write, produce and release his music–something he is very passionate about–to the world. but at the end of the day, much like any other job, it can pile up and become incredibly overwhelming. sometimes, you have to take a step back to breathe and return to a better headspace.

along with your boyfriend's schedule, yours has also been packed to the brim. thus, neither of you had the opportunity to spend too much time with the other over the past couple of weeks. the extent of your time together consisting of short, sweet text messages throughout the day, if you were lucky a short phone call before bed to exchange goodnight's.

jisung has reached his limit, he's hit a breaking point. he knows that if he doesn't get at least one night to take a break he may go insane. he needs to take a step back, he needs to take a breather, he needs you.

being one-third of 3racha meant chan had the opportunity to see jisung a bit more than the others, which also meant he had the opportunity to see jisung's well-being take a critical hit and suffer as the days went on. seeing how the boys were exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally, chan immediately went to the company to talk with their management and request they take–at the least–a day off.

despite jisung having a key to your apartment, you unlock the door twenty-five minutes before his expected arrival. and a little over five minutes later, he's standing outside your front door and softly knocking to notify you of his arrival. the knocks prompt you off the couch and onto your feet, making your way to the entrance as jisung shuts the door behind him.

your assumption that something is going on is only confirmed when jisung avoids your gaze while discarding his shoes, no words leaving his pouted lips. it's clear he isn't in the best place mentally or emotionally, while you aren't a hundred percent sure of the details, you do know that–much like his texts–he needs you and that you'll be there for him in any way possible.

now that his feet are only clad with his cotton socks, jisung takes a couple steps towards you and places a lingering kiss on your forehead, his shoulders relax the slightest bit as his hands find yours. when he pulls away, he's still avoiding your gaze, but being with him for as long as you have; you don't take it personally. hand in hand, jisung trails behind you as you walk through the apartment and into your bedroom. following quietly and waiting patiently whilst you approach the dresser, pulling out a pair of his sweatpants from the drawer of his clothes.

you turn to him, glancing down at his black denim jeans, "it'll be more comfortable? it's up to you though."

jisung extends his arms and takes the sweatpants out of your hands and into his own. he quickly changes out of the jeans, which are now in a pile on the floor and into the grey sweatpants, you turn to climb into your bed but jisung's hand is suddenly wrapped around your wrist, stopping you.

your head cocked in confusion, you stare at your boyfriend.

jisung, who came over clad in a black hoodie, quickly removes the thick fabric from his body. the white long-sleeved shirt he wears underneath rises along with the fabric before it slumps back in place once the hoodie is discarded. you watch jisung with curious eyes as he steps towards you, pulling the hoodie over your head, the fabric bunching up around your neck and shoulders.

he can definitely see the way your cheeks are burning up.

your boyfriend moves your arms around, pulling them through the sleeves before he adjusts the thick fabric around your body. a hum of satisfaction leaves him before he crawls into your bed and makes himself comfortable under the covers.

jisung loves you in his clothes, that fact stays consistent no matter how he's feeling.

snapping out of your daze, you follow suit and crawl under the covers next to jisung who chooses to be the small spoon today. his arms wrapped around your waist, his head resting on your stomach. you feel the way his body relaxes the slightest bit as he nuzzles into your side, pulling you impossibly closer to him. one of your hands ends up in his dark hair, gently carding through the shaggy locks whilst the other one gently caresses his cheekbone.

a wave of comfort washes over jisung at the feeling of your fingertips grazing his scalp, coupled with the feeling of your arms around his body, holding him close, your warmth radiating onto him as a trembling breath leaves his lips. once again, jisung nuzzles into your side but this time to his his face in the fabric of the hoodie. hiding the way his already glossy eyes brim with tears along his waterline, the warm droplets soaking up into the thick fabric. the first whimper that leaves jisung has you immediately holding him tighter, continuing to run your fingers through his hair and reminding him that you're here.

your heart aches at the sound of your boyfriend's cries.

being with jisung for as long as you have, you knew not to take his habit of avoiding your gaze personally. you're very familiar with his habit of avoiding direct eye contact with anyone when he's feeling down or particularly stressed out. you aren't entirely sure of the reason why, but you believe that what isn't seen in jisung's other facial expressions is shown in his eyes. thus, when he is upset or down, avoiding eye contact also means hiding the inner turmoil that is clearly present in his eyes.

with how observant you are, jisung became aware early on in your relationship that it didn't take you long to pick up on this habit of his. it's now something you look out for whenever jisung is feeling distant or in the dumps, it took a while but you eventually found a couple of methods that worked best when jisung fell into this distressed state.

over the years, you have become a lifeline in jisung's life. you are his place of comfort, a home where his heart belongs, where it feels safe. which is precisely why he avoids making eye contact with you in an emotionally sensitive state. the sight of your warm and welcoming eyes would result in an immediate breakdown. the way your eyes sparkle up at him, swimming with concern and a yearning for him would immediately break down his walls, allowing him to be vulnerable around you. allowing his emotions to spill out into your open arms, ready to be a pillar of support for him.

for the next couple of moments, you continue to run your fingers through jisung's hair as he holds your body close and cries into your side. when his sobs gradually become hiccups and sniffles, that's when you take the opportunity to say a couple of words.

"if you wanna talk about it, i'm here," you say softly, "if not, i'm still here."

you crane your head to look down at your boyfriend who moves his head to look up at you, his round eyes puffy and glossy, his eyelashes clumped together with tears. jisung nods, a small smile playing on his lips–one that's more genuine than the others he forced out earlier.

"thank you," he sniffles, his voice is the slightest bit raspy.

you shake your head, moving the hand that isn't in his hair to his cheek to wipe some of his tears. admiration bubbling up inside when jisung leans into your touch.

the both of you fall into a comfortable silence, relishing in the presence of your lover and the warmth that radiates off their body. a presence and a feeling that your busy lives have depraved you both of the past couple of weeks.

despite prolonged periods where you and jisung are deprived of physical affection from the other due to your busy schedules, being able to be under the other's touch, cradled in the other's arms for even just a few moments feels like a reward for all that's been accomplished in your separate lives. being in the arms of your lover exudes a feeling of comfort, and tranquillity, that eventually everything will fall into place, a feeling of reassurance that your hard work is paying off.

sometimes you find it crazy how a simple touch from jisung can turn everything upside down. you could be having a terrible day and he could pull you into his arms and all of a sudden your day ends on a high note.

jisung shares the same sentiment, after weeks of grinding through work that's been piling on and on, being with you, in your arms is just what he needed. you are just what he needs.

you watch with curiosity as jisung moves higher on the bed and onto his back. he locks eyes with you and extends his arms in your direction.

"i wanna hold my baby," he opens and closes his fists, beckoning you into his hold.

you hesitate for a moment, thinking you're here to comfort him. but your boyfriend notices your hesitation and takes it upon himself to pull you into his arms. you rest your cheek against his chest while he holds you tightly. you adjust your head and look up at your boyfriend, whose eyes are still puffy and slightly red. he scrunches his nose when he looks down at you, indicating that he's feeling much better than when he first arrived.

you giggle at his antics.

jisung places a hand on your cheek, much like you did earlier, and caresses your cheekbone gently. gazing down at you with clear adoration in his eyes, unbeknownst to your boyfriend, the corners of his lips tugging upwards as he looks down at you.

he sighs, "work's been a lot lately," you nod and he continues, "i want to make sure i'm putting my best foot forward and doing my best work but it's hard when there's so much going on. i don't wanna disappoint you, the other members, stay."

he takes a moment to think.

"at the same time, i know it's unrealistic to think i–or anyone really– could possibly please everyone. there's always gonna be people that aren't pleased with the things you do and that's life, right?"

your eyes scan over your boyfriend's face as he walks both you and himself through his thoughts.

"which is why i shouldn't be scared of disappointing people if i choose to take a break, to take care of myself when things get overwhelming," he sighs, "but at the same time it's so hard to break out of the mindset where taking breaks means not being productive, i'm so used to thinking that way, you know?"

you hum in acknowledgment, "i know, baby."

"at the very least, i realized sooner rather than later this time. i'm able to take a break earlier instead of further down the line."

"i'm proud of you for taking a much-needed break. you've been working so hard, love."

"thank you, my y/n," jisung's eyes sparkle down at you.

"i understand how you feel, i get like that sometimes to, which you know already," he nods, "i know how hard you work and stay knows how hard you work to give them and show them your best work."

you adjust the position you're lying in so you get a better view of jisung's face.

"i've seen the work you've put out and ones that you haven't yet, they're all amazing. absolute works of art and a testament of your hard work, passion and dedication to your craft."

your boyfriend's eyes dart away from yours as his cheeks flush, heart skipping a beat at your words. jisung always gets quite flustered when he hears kind words praising his work, but he gets particularly flustered when he hears them from you.

"you do your best when you also feel your best. it's definitely easier said than done to extend the compassion and value to yourself since we are, are own biggest critics. nevertheless, i'll be here to reassure you that stay would love to hear that you were able to rest and take breaks in the middle of working hard. i'll always be here to tell you that you're working so hard and are more than deserving of a break, to rest."

jisung leans down to place a kiss on your forehead, letting his lips linger for a moment before he pulls away with a lazy smile.

"you've been working so hard, you've been doing amazing. you're doing so well and i'm so proud of you, han jisung."

[lady-shadow-and-darkness]

Chuuya is so fucking oblivious sometimes like :

Dazai, pulling out a ring : *gets on one knee* Will you marry me, Chuuya?

Chuuya, suspicious : What kind of sick joke is this.

Dazai : it's not a jo-

Chuuya, yelling at the trees : ALRIGHT WHERE ARE THE CAMERAS?!

Dazai : ...

[venelona]

Chuuya ❄

[originalartblog]

concept: ADA!Chuuya, but All Men Are Equal gave him total control of his ability by stabilizing it and getting rid of his permanent singularity, so he reverted to his original power: enhancing others' abilities.

Bonus:

[chahnniesroom]

to have and to hold

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: you don't think there's anything chan can do to make you love him more. chan continues to prove you wrong.

word count: 1.4k

warnings: mentions of pregnancy, lots of fluff!!

a/n: sorry it has been so long since i posted! i have been wanting to write this since that ep of return of superman where chan and felix took care of rowoon, it was so so sweet. also i'm so sorry but i did not edit this at all

till death do us part collection | read it on ao3 | masterlist

“Do you think you’d ever want to have kids?” 

Your question breaks through the quiet dialogue of the show that you and Chan are watching. Behind you, you feel Chan freeze before he forces himself to relax and continue fiddling with your fingers.

Chan hesitates for a moment longer before answering.

“I don’t know,” he says, slowly and carefully. “I think that I’d want to eventually, but right now? Being an idol- It would be difficult. I mean, for anyone it’s hard, but especially with this career…”

“Do you like children?” you ask, curious even though you can anticipate his answer.

“Yes.” This time he replies immediately, although his voice is still cautious. He releases your hands from his hold and gently nudges your shoulders so that you twist to look at him. “Y/n- Do- Are you-”

“What?” you stare at him, not sure why he suddenly seems so worried.

“Are you pregnant?” he asks gently. “It’s fine if you are! We can totally work things out and I will 100% support you the whole time-”

“Oh!” You smack yourself in the forehead. “No! Definitely not! I was just thinking.” 

“Ah.” Chan slumps against the back of the couch, this time he’s actually relaxed. “Just thinking or- what brought this on?”

“I’m sorry,” you say hurriedly. “That must have been out of nowhere for you. No, it’s because my older sister’s wedding anniversary is coming up, the first one since she’s had a kid, so I wanted to let her go out without having to worry. I was wondering if you wanted to help me babysit?”

“I see,” Chan says, sounding relieved. “Your sister. Yes, I haven’t met Doyun yet, right? I’d love to help you take care of him.”

—

Your sister is delighted that you’ve offered to take Doyun for an evening and you quickly coordinate with Chan what day would work best. It’s not possible to babysit on your sister’s actual anniversary due to Chan’s schedules, but your availabilities line up on a Friday night the weekend after.

Chan is nervous leading up to it, which you find absolutely adorable. When you look over his shoulder one night, curious what he’s focusing so intently on, you find him scrolling through articles on interacting with babies as well as tips on baby-proofing an apartment.

Before your sister arrives, you work with Chan for a few hours transforming the open area of your apartment, placing pillows and draping blankets over sharp corners and making sure to keep any small objects out of reach. 

When the doorbell rings, Chan panics, popping his head out of the kitchen from where he’s been trying to figure out a way to prevent Doyun from being able to open the cabinets.

“We're not ready!” he says, eyes wide.

“What do you want to do, keep them waiting outside until you finish?” you joke, then pause when it looks like Chan is actually considering it. “Don't worry, I'll go let my sister in and you keep working on that. We'll be watching Doyunnie the whole time, so even if you can't work that out, it's fine.”

Your sister doesn't stay for very long. She hands Doyun off to you and assures both you and Chan that your place looks safe for a baby. After going through everything that is packed in the massive diaper bag that she’s leaving with you, she heads back home to get ready for her dinner.

Doyun has a short attention span and cycles between playing with a stuffed animal, a ball, some plastic fruits and vegetables, and toy trains within the first hour. He is so adorable that you and Chan don't mind how much energy is required to keep him occupied. Luckily he's a fairly easygoing baby and hasn't fussed at all, although it did take a while for him to warm up to the two of you.

He's comfortable now, especially since Chan has started to spin the two of them around, hands firmly gripping Doyun’s torso. Doyun absolutely loves it, shrieking in excitement with his eyes crinkling. Even after a few minutes of the same thing, he never grows bored, just as thrilled everytime that Chan lifts him above his head. Although Doyun isn’t very heavy yet, after 15 minutes there’s sweat visible on Chan’s forehead and he’s starting to get out of breath.

“How about we take a bit of a break? Do you want to read?” Chan sits Doyun down against some pillows and rummages through the bag that your sister packed, finding some of the books that she included.

Chan hands the books over and although Doyun accepts both of them, he throws them aside and instead clumsily reaches up towards Chan, clearly asking to be picked up again. Chan pretends to groan and complain as he lifts Doyun back up.

“Aww,” you coo. “He really likes you.”

“And I really like him,” Chan says, spinning Doyun around. “I just wish I hadn’t gone to the gym earlier today, I didn’t realise what a workout this would be!”

Eventually Doyun grows tired, no longer begging Chan to continue. This time when Chan settles him on the ground, he just looks around curiously before crawling up to Chan and grabbing at his curls.

“He’s so small,” Chan marvels. “Look at his little fingers!”

He reaches out towards Doyun, who immediately wraps his hand around Chan’s index finger and pulls it towards his mouth.

It's comical to see the difference in size between their hands and Chan visibly melts, allowing Doyun to gum at his fingers, quickly covering them in a sheen of saliva.

“Are you hungry Doyunnie?” Chan asks. “It’s almost time for dinner, let’s see what your auntie prepared for us.”

By the time Doyun is set up in a high chair with a bib on, you’ve finished cooking. Dinner for Doyun is simple, consisting of steamed vegetables, tofu, rolled omelette, rice, and a bit of fruit. You’ve also used the same ingredients plus a few additions to make kimchi stew for you and Chan.

Chan is distracted the whole meal, prioritising feeding Doyun and wiping his face clean in between bites over eating his own food. It's a futile effort since Doyun seems more interested in smearing the food around rather than getting it into his mouth.

When you're finished with your food, you switch spots with Chan and coax Doyun into eating the last few bites he has left while Chan scarfs down his own meal. 

After dinner, you carry Doyun into the bathroom and start filling the bathtub with a shallow layer of warm water. He watches with wide eyes as you add bubble bath that changes the colour of the water to a deep blue and creates a thick cover of bubbles. After washing the dishes and wiping down the kitchen, Chan joins the both of you just as you’re rinsing suds out of Doyun’s hair.

Cleaned and dressed in a fuzzy onesie with tiny bear ears poking out from the hood, Doyun struggles to stay awake for the rest of the evening. It’s obvious that he’s tired, he’s starting to get cranky and his blinks get longer and longer, but he stubbornly continues to play. After his third time nodding off while slotting plastic shapes into a cube, Chan picks him up and walks him around the room, rocking him slightly while humming a melody that you can’t recognize.

When your sister comes to pick up Doyun, he's sprawled out on Chan’s chest, deeply asleep. A line of drool drops from his open mouth to form a wet spot on Chan’s shirt, but Chan doesn’t seem to mind, staring at Doyun with stars in his eyes.

That night, right when you're about to fall asleep, Chan speaks up. His arms are wrapped around you and you can feel his breath against the back of your neck. 

“I think,” he says quietly. “I think I want kids. Not now, I still have the same concerns as before, but in the future? I want it.”

“You did so well with Doyunnie, it looked so natural,” you agree. “I think you would be a great dad.”

“Only if you’re there by my side,” he corrects.

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”

till death do us part collection | read it on ao3 | masterlist

[hyunpic]

HYUNJIN | JJAM 240810 MUCORE

[mizzarh]

Logan quietly enjoying his cold beer, contemplating life, when suddenly his little army of adopted teenage daughters decide they want to keep him company

*click for hq*

[lotus-pear]

THIS IS FOR ALL YOU FUCKERS WHO SAID DAZAI LEFT SIGMA BEHIND. WHAT DO U GUYS HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELVES NOW😐😐‼️