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I've been saving for months for a Missy funko that I loved and I just found out that the page where I was going to buy it just sold it 😭😭 goodbye to my dreams of having a mini Missy they were unattainable (everything is very expensive in my country) but very beautiful
#everyone told me it was stupid to buy it#and I believed it…#and now i don’t have a Missy funko#damn#a girl can’t have nice things#BUT I HONESTLY THOUGHT NO ONE WOULD BUY IT !!#now i have to hope no one will buy the thirtheen funko or the Sarah Jane the same page has#but someone will buy them probably#why is everything so expensive and hard to buy ??#doctor who#dr who#missy!master#missy doctor who#gomez master#funko pop
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Living Dangerously - Chapter 23
Jurassic Park’s animal handlers: none of them ever mentioned by name in Michael Crichton’s original novel. Who were they? What were their lives like on Isla Nublar? Did any of them survive the disaster?
A year in the life of those responsible for the care of the dinosaurs. Many people would kill to have their jobs.
But would they die for it?
Jurassic Park novel/Jurassic Park film (1993)
Viewpoint: 3rd person female oc
Wordcount: 70.7k (23 Chapters) [incomplete]
Warnings: dinosaur attack/car crash, brief mention of parental abuse, alcoholism, f-bombs and other bad language
Tagging: @heresthefanfiction @ocappreciation @arrthurpendragon @howlingmadlady @wordspin-shares @starryeyes2000 ( @themaradaniels are you interested? Totally fine if not!)
Read on Ao3
Chapter 22 | Chapter 24
Owner of a Lonely Heart - Yes
"Are you feeling better?"
"Yes." A blatant lie. How could she be? Her heart was broken. Lizzy blinked wearily, her eyes were puffy and sore from crying most of the night. She was running on empty. "Are you? When was the last time you had a day off?"
"I honestly don't remember." Muldoon answered after thinking for a moment. "Every time I have a day off something bad happens. Usually involving you. Now, Sorna."
He explained the situation to her, in full. Site B was experiencing behavioural problems with a new species, someone had gotten an involuntary dactylectomy, could the resident ethologist arrange a visit to work it out?
”Did they take?” Lizzy asked.
”Take what?”
”Dr Ruso’s fingers, did they take? Is she alright?”
“The raptor ate them.”
”Oh, bugger.” Lizzy went faintly green, not helped by her excessive caffeine intake that morning. “Down in one or did she chew them first? Never mind, I don’t want to know.”
“The wording in the report is ‘consumed’, I believe.”
“Outstanding. This wee troublemaker does sound interesting." Lizzy admitted. "Even though I much prefer herbivores. Why can't the baby come here? You know I hate flying?”
"Like I told Baker, the paddock isn't ready."
"So she doesn't go in the paddock, right?"
“I draw the line at you keeping a dinosaur in your room, Armstrong.”
”Not my room!” She scoffed. “…Kathy’s room.”
”They won’t send the damn thing here without an action plan. And I want you prepared if and when you fly over. So, any ideas?”
"I'm a bit stumped." Lizzy admitted. She was so tired and scrambled she just couldn't think. "But I know someone who might be helpful. Someone who thinks outside the box. You won't like it.”
”Why not?”
”Because you already know her too.”
***
“You ring h-“
“No, you ring her.” Muldoon frowned at Lizzy. They were both sitting on couches in front of the phone in Hammond's bungalow. John-dear-call-me-John was back on the mainland, so they’d commandeered somewhere more private for the top-secret matter, where they wouldn’t be interrupted.
Lizzy wrinkled her nose. “She doesn’t like me.”
“And she likes me even less. The feeling’s mutual. Do it.”
“Gerry could-“
“This isn’t a family reunion. Go on, pretend she’s your best mate."
"Oh, no bother! While I'm at it I'll see if I can fake a Scottish accent too!” Lizzy pulled a face at him but sighed in resignation and dialled the number of Dr Sarah Harding’s last known whereabouts.
“Put her on speaker.” Muldoon insisted.
“Why?”
“I want to know if she's being uncooperative.”
Lizzy rolled her eyes. Bullshit, you just want to know if she calls you names.
It took so long for Sarah's team member in Kenya to track her down that they started to wonder if she was keeping Lizzy waiting on purpose as a power move.
“Well, well, well. Lizzy Armstrong.” Dr Harding the Younger did not sound at all pleased, when she eventually deigned to answer the phone. “What has it been, three years we’ve managed to avoid each other?”
Lizzy laughed, trying to sound brave and not at all like she was going through a break-up. “Hey, Sarah-“
“What’s Costa Rica like? Loud, I imagine.”
“Oh-“ The insult wasn’t lost on her. “It’s great. Just great.”
“How’s Dad?” Sarah asked in her West Coast drawl.
“A flirtatious nightmare.”
“Sounds about right.” She replied dryly. "Hey, don’t fall for it, okay? I’ve already had one stepmom. Though I should let you know, he prefers blondes."
Get to the point Muldoon mouthed at Lizzy.
"Listen, I need a favour."
“You need a favour?” Sarah mimicked her voice. “You want my advice? Why is that?”
“Got a Carnivore problem. I’m Herbivores. Always have been."
“Not everyone on that island is." She said accusingly. "Are you telling me that Robert Muldoon is clueless too?”
“I will go back to Kenya-“ Muldoon said quietly. “And I will throttle her.”
“I heard that.” Sarah crowed triumphantly. “He’s there, isn’t he? Hi, Robert!"
"Just answer her questions, Harding."
"Aw, you're getting mad at me already, this is like old times!”
“What happened between you two?” Lizzy whispered, how had she ended up in the middle of an international argument?
“Hurry up, this is costing money.” Muldoon dodged the question. “Get it out of her somehow, threats, blackmail, talk her to death-"
"Right. Sarah, someone had their fingers bitten off."
"Then just euthanise the damn thing and be done. You're working with zoo animals now, Lizzy, get used to it. At least if you’re chomped, you already have a lawyer.”
The sharp ache in her chest took her by surprise. Not anymore she didn’t.
"No, listen-” Lizzy felt she was about to snap any moment, which her fellow ethologist would simply revel in.
“Sarah…” Muldoon warned.
“First name? Shit! You are annoyed.” She chortled. “Okay, fine, I’ll cut the bull. Shoot.”
“The woman who lost her fingers, she maintains the animal tricked her. It's showing unprecedented intelligence. More than they anticipated. They-“ Lizzy hummed, then decided to trust Sarah with more information, even if it made InGen look bad. She had to give if she wanted to get. “They can’t manage it. And we can’t euthanise either. Not an option-“
“Right, I’m going to stop you there.” Sarah interrupted. “I don’t even want to know what kind of science experiment Dad’s fallen into over there, God knows John Hammond's a tricky devil, but you gotta nip that in the bud.”
“Why, what is it?”
“It’s dominance hierarchy.” Sarah Harding announced, as if it were obvious. “Dominance gone way too far.”
“But that doesn’t make sense, this is a female.” Lizzy countered. Females normally didn't have the hormone levels which led to aggression of this scale.
“Female raptors-“ Sarah started.
“Raptors?!” Lizzy squeaked. How did she know?!
“-as in a bird of prey; what did you think I meant, doofus?” She could hear the disapproval positively dripping from her tone, all the way from Kenya. "Female raptors are the most dominant sex. And usually bigger than the males. Ha, lucky for some.”
”But it can’t be, she hasn’t anyone to be dominant over!”
”Except her handlers. And there aren’t any males at all, so…” Muldoon shrugged. “I suppose Harding might be correct.”
“Do you think-“ Lizzy started, then stopped, shaking her head. It seemed pretty far-fetched.
It was known that reptile embryos could change sex while still in the egg, depending on the temperature of the outside environment on the other side of the shell. The difference between male and female was less than a few degrees Celsius. Furthermore, Lizzy had a fact niggling at the edge of her thoughts, just out of grasp. Something about adult females of certain species being able to change sex in the absence of males. Was it fish? Or maybe amphibians?
Could dinosaurs change their sex in response to either temperature or an uneven breeding ratio?
Increased testosterone would explain some of the baby raptor’s aggression.
Were the embryologists, was Dr Wu really positive beyond doubt that the infant was female? Had anyone actually checked? But these animals were custom-designed in a lab, with all their genes carefully selected, so realistically, what were the chances?
Sarah spoke again, distracting Lizzy, and the thought was simply gone from her foggy brain, messed up from lack of sleep and heartache.
“Uhhh, still here, losers. But your reaction when I said raptor made me guess this is a bird species you’re talking about. Maybe a super-rare one. I’ll get it out of Dad somehow, even if you won’t tell me.”
Close, but no cigar, Sarah.
”Let me guess, captive-bred? Single infant to survive past hatching? Spoiled only child syndrome?” Sarah kept questioning.
”Correct on all counts.” Lizzy confirmed.
“Hmm. Has it imprinted?”
"Huh?"
"Im-print-ed." Sarah spelled it out. "It’s a bird. Don’t make me spell it out here, Lizzy."
"Hang up." Muldoon told Lizzy. "No more details."
"No, no, no, c'mon-"
Lizzy panicked and slammed the phone down with a quick bye Sarah, thanks!
"Interesting input. Even for her.”
“Oh, she is very good. It’s infuriating.” Lizzy wondered if her fourth cup of coffee in two hours was overkill. So tired.
"Your first idea paid off, so what's the next one?"
“I need to talk to Isaac.” Lizzy decided. “About this raptor behaviour, and imprinting. He's our resident bird guy.”
”Too many people know about this already. We probably should have gotten Harding to agree to an NDA.”
”Take too long. I’ll tell Isaac as little as possible. Casually drop it into the conversation. Oh-“ Lizzy snapped her fingers. “Larry worked with herps. Back in Oz. I could speak to him, too.”
He was such a fountain of knowledge on reptiles, Lizzy hadn’t been able to resist calling him Crocodile O’Reilly.
“Harris first. One at a time. I’ll leave it with you.” Armstrong looked better now, he thought. She'd started in Hammond's bungalow paler than usual and subdued, but arguing with Harding about behaviour had brought a bit of colour back into her cheeks.
Good.
Their radios crackled, echoing through the empty rooms.
“Robert, are you around, over?” Richardson sounded anxious. "That depends." Was the answer.
“Got a slight issue in the Triceratops paddock that requires your…considerable expertise.”
“What now?”
“Trikes charged Harding’s Jeep. He and Julian are stranded in the paddock, no radios. Could you, eh- could you go in there and rescue them?”
"Oh, right enough, look." Lizzy stared and pointed at one of the video monitors in Hammond's living room, displaying an overturned Jeep in the middle distance.
“Do it yourself, bloody prat.” Muldoon muttered under his breath, before replying to Richardson with something much less insulting, then to Lizzy. "Why is it my job to fix everything?"
"Maybe stop being so good at it?" Lizzy shrugged as she grabbed her water bottle, assuming she'd be tagging along to lend a hand.
"Well, congratulations, Armstrong. For once, it’s not you causing mayhem.”
Lizzy groaned as she followed him out of the bungalow. “They better be okay. I really, really don’t want to phone Sarah twice in one day, 'specially not to tell her that Gerry’s been gored by a Triceratops!”
***
Tom cornered them as they were quickly loading the tranquiliser guns into the Jeep before heading out on the rescue mission.
“Where have you two been?” He looked them up and down suspiciously. "Kathy put me with Liz again today, but I haven't been able to find her for ages."
“Obviously weren't trying hard enough.” Muldoon looked less than thrilled. "You're coming too, then?"
“We’re the only others that can fire these dang things, since your Team Leader refuses to learn how to use one.”
“Not for lack of trying.” Lizzy muttered. She’d done her best to persuade Kathy to take a few practice shots as a bare minimum, but she wouldn’t hear of it. Guns were dangerous. And that was that, as far as the pacifist from Minnesota was concerned. "Oi, get in the back, you."
Tom narrowed his eyes but didn't argue. Time was wasting.
"Got any guesses why the Triceratops have taken such an intense dislike to our park transport?" Muldoon asked as they gunned it down the maintenance road to the paddock. “They’ve been fine until now.”
Tom yelled up front to them. ”Travis said they mixed in two juveniles a few days ago. There’s eight in the group now. Told me they got protective of the kids. Made a ring around them pointing outwards.”
”Like-" Lizzy started.
"Elephants." Muldoon finished for her. "Fan-bloody-tastic."
"How fast do these go?" Lizzy asked, tapping the Jeep door beside her.
"Probably not fast enough. Fast costs extra around here." Muldoon reminded her of Hammond's rather ironic go-to phrase.
"Oh." She replied with little humour. "Oh, wonderful."
***
"This way seems really stupid." Lizzy protested.
"Oh, I agree. But this is the way I've been told to go about it, since I'm not in charge of this species, he is. You two can still leave if you want to." Muldoon said dully as Richardson opened the paddock gates for them.
Lizzy and Tom looked at each other, but neither of them moved a muscle. They knew the risk but neither of them were willing to let Muldoon go it alone. It was madness but they had no other choice if they wanted Gerry and Julian out of the paddock any time soon. Help was a long way away.
"Seatbelts off, then."
"Why?" Tom asked.
"Just have a feeling. If they attempt to flip us..."
Better if you're able to get out of the way sharpish. Lizzy knew the end of that sentence. There was a reason you never bothered with a seatbelt in safari vehicles.
Kathy's quiet voice addressed them over the radio as they proceeded through the gates.
"Muldoon, I don't suppose-"
"Yes, she's with me."
"Oh, balls. Of course she is!" Kathy very nearly swore. "Bring her back in one piece, or don't bother coming home, over."
"What about me?" Tom grumbled.
Some distance downhill, the trikes had gathered around their watering hole towards the rear of their enclosure. Destroying InGen property was apparently thirsty work. Lizzy grabbed the binoculars out of the glovebox and counted. Sure enough, six adults, one significantly larger than the others, and two little ones in the middle. All accounted for.
"We still haven't had any radio contact from Yamada and Harding, either their handsets are smashed, thrown on the ground, or still in the Jeep I suppose, but I'm fairly optimistic-"
"Ha!" Lizzy's laugh escaped before she could stop it.
Muldoon gave her a sharp look. "-fairly hopeful, they've made for those trees over to the right. Bit cramped for the adults to get in amongst them. Kennedy-"
"Way ahead of you, boss." Tom was loading up, checking the sights, ready to discourage any dinosaurs from approaching them.
"How's your aim?" Lizzy asked. She'd heard 'pretty darn good' but not seen for herself so far.
“Listen here. I can hit a playing card side-on from fifty feet."
"Fortunately, trikes are quite a lot bigger than playing cards." She couldn't help teasing him.
"Shut up."
"Quiet, you two." Muldoon drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. "Let's get closer to the trees, it's our best bet. Harding and Yamada can run to join us, before the herd gets suspicious.”
”And then we make our way out slow and steady so as not to piss them off again?”
”That’s the idea.”
They trundled closer, but their destination was still a good half kilometer away. As she got a better look into the dip of the land where the water was situated, Lizzy spotted the wreck of the other Jeep.
"Oh, shit." She whispered. "They've really gone to town on that."
"See anything else?" Muldoon asked. Any bodies? was what he meant.
"Nope. No sign. I'll keep an eye on the herd until we reach the trees." Lizzy confirmed.
They were halfway there when through the lens she noticed the larger trike raise her head at the sound of the Jeep rumbling closer. The dinosaur’s frame visibly stiffened, and Lizzy swore she saw the nostrils flare as the frilled head sway slightly back and forth. They were upwind from the herd, the dinosaur could smell them and her body language meant only one outcome. Lizzy had spent enough time in Africa to know what was about to happen.
"She's going to charge." She warned.
Muldoon instantly hit the brakes and cut the engine in one movement. "Are you sure?"
The next few seconds were critical.
Lizzy didn't dare blink, holding her breath. Nothing else happened, and for a moment, she thought they might have gotten away with it.
Then the big trike tossed her head and snorted angrily, moving forwards in their direction. First at a slow amble, then quickly switching to the deliberate trot of a bull elephant who was going to teach you a lesson for daring to trespass on his land.
"Definitely charging!" Lizzy threw the binoculars on the floor and looked for something to hold on to. "Move!"
She was thrown back against her seat by how quickly Muldoon got the Jeep going again, bouncing over the uneven ground.
Have to get the trees between us and her. Circling back to the gate will take too long.
"I can take her down." Tom matter-of-factly said and got ready to stand up in the back of the moving Jeep.
"Too late for that." Lizzy yelled back at him. "She's mad. It'll make things worse."
If Triceratops were anything like their modern-day counterpart, the rhinoceros, attempting to tranquillise could just fuel them with more rage before they finally collapsed. And it was unlikely the dose Tom was using would be big enough to drop her. The trike was simply too angry. But she could do a lot of damage with a few extra seconds of berserker-mode. Shooting at her now could cost lives.
God, she moves quick. Lizzy felt her stomach rising into her throat when she realised they might not make it to the trees in time. It occurred to her that nobody on the island had seen the trikes at full speed before. It was just assumed they weren't fast enough to be that dangerous. Then again, hippos didn't look like they were built for speed either, they were soft wobbly herbivores. But they were one of the most deadly animals on the African continent.
"Uh, you might want to step on it, boss." Tom was rapidly losing his cool.
"Good, because I've been watching my speed until you said something!"
The trike disappeared from view as she pursued them up the hill, and in a way that was worse, not knowing where she had gone. Wondering if she had given up or would suddenly appear ahead of them, cutting them off.
Then the head frill, followed by the rest of the dinosaur appeared, now at an angle, side-on to the Jeep instead of behind them. The hill hadn’t slowed her down at all.
Muldoon knew it was far too late to change direction, he'd end up wrapping the Jeep around a tree trunk. But she was headed straight for intercepting the passenger side, where Lizzy was sitting.
"Guys, guys, guys, watch out-" Arnold's voice reached them over the radio, for once sounding alarmed, along with him was Kathy's desperate cry of do something, Ray!
The Jeep was trapped between the dinosaur and the trees, but the trunks were too close together, too sharp an angle for the vehicle to fit through to safety. And slowing down was not an option.
They could only hope to outrun her, but she was close now, alarmingly close.
Time ground to a standstill in the few moments before the crash. Lizzy saw the lumbering shoulder of the Triceratops in slow-motion headed straight for a collision course with the flimsy metal door beside her. She could see every detail of the dinosaur's skin, dusted with red river-mud, before-
“Liz, move!” Tom yelled at her.
“Oh, shi-“ She leaned away, scrabbling at her seat, but it was too late. The Triceratops tossed it’s head and-
BANG
A hellish screech of dinosaur horn on metal and the whole Jeep rocked, the horizon skewed sickeningly and vertigo rushed in as their ears popped from the impact.
…
Lizzy blinked and shook her head, registering there was broken glass everywhere, all over the Jeep floor and the dashboard, in her hair. The windscreen was completely gone. She wasn’t on the passenger seat anymore, and the space where her thigh had been, moments ago, was now occupied by the crumpled-in door. She hadn't hit her head and blacked out, but she appeared to have teleported two feet to the right.
Her legs were still hanging over the central console, miraculously unharmed. And the rest of her body was wedged between the steering wheel and Muldoon. They'd been spun around by the impact and were facing into the trees, low branches poking through the non-existent windshield.
“Come in guys, come in, aw jeez, aw shit-“ Arnold’s voice jolted them back to reality. Still alive. Still on Nublar.
"Are you two alright?"
Tom managed a shaky Jesus H. Christ from behind them. He’d scooted to the driver’s side in the nick of time, grabbing hold of a seatbelt and pulling himself.
Good thing we didn’t have our seatbelts on.
Lizzy quickly took stock, she could thankfully move all her limbs. Everything important was where it was meant to be. "Think so." She pointed at the branches in front of them. " Hey look, we made it.”
“Get back with Kennedy, can’t bloody move.”
Tom reached over, grabbing Lizzy around her waist and yanking her into the back seat. They huddled together, the rear passenger side had also taken a thrashing and was practically concave, half as long as it was before.
“Just a scrape, I think. As long as the wheel arch isn't knackered…” Muldoon was muttering.
“Just a scrape?” Lizzy was incredulous. “You call that a scrape?!”
"Sshh, quit yelling." Tom elbowed her. Her ears hadn't popped back yet. "Goddamn, where'd she go, anyway"
All three of them searched, looking around the paddock frantically for the dinosaur.
But the big trike seemed satisfied by their lack of movement, deeming the Jeep no longer posed a threat. She was trotting off jauntily back to her herd, grunting as she went.
"So how do we get out of here now, hm?" Lizzy asked. "Two Jeeps and five people down. Think Richardson will give it a try next?”
”Not bloody likely.”
“You folks okay down there?” Came a faint yell from somewhere above them. The West Coast drawl of Gerry Harding, thankfully alive.
"Armstrong?" Muldoon turned around. "Do me a favour and put that ridiculously loud voice of yours to good use."
Lizzy yelled for Gerry and Julian to come and join them. Now.
After a moment there was rustling and thumping from a short distance away and both men dropped to the ground from where they’d been perching in the trees waiting for rescue.
“Hold on, make sure I can turn the damn thing first, or it might be a sprint back to the gate after all.”
Lizzy recalled the mistake she’d made of walking through a field of cows on a school trip. Most of them had calves, she and her friends had feared for their lives and ended up throwing themselves over the gate at the other side. But getting out of the trike paddock could be so much worse.
The Jeep reversed and then limped around in a large circle, making an ominous crunching noise every few seconds.
Lizzy leaned over. “Are you sure we shouldn’t walk? They clearly don’t like the Jeeps anymore.”
”Oh, undoubtedly. But it’s not you that gets a bollocking for losing two Jeeps in one day. Richardson will find a way to blame me for the other one, somehow."
"But - he's the one that told you..." Lizzy pointed out.
"Yes, I know. Everybody in."
“In where?” Harding complained. “You’re missing half your seats, Muldoon.” “Hang off the back.” Tom said, helping Julian up and keeping hold of his arm. “Hitch a ride, boys."
"For Christ's sake..." Harding muttered.
"C'mon Gerry, hurry up!" Lizzy tried to move things along.
"She's heard us." Tom stared into the distance. "Incoming."
"Guys, you gotta make a move-" Arnold warned at the same time.
Sure enough, there was the faint sound of thundering feet, and it was all systems go.
Muldoon started to move off while Gerry was still reaching for Lizzy’s hand, trying to climb her side of the Jeep.
She grabbed for him before he was left behind and attempted to haul him onto the vehicle, but he weighed significantly more than she did, and missed his footing on the way up. Lizzy was pulled clean out of her seat.
“Fuck!” Lizzy shrieked as her feet were suddenly waving in the air. She tried to hook her knee on something, anything for traction but she was slipping anyway while Gerry continued to overbalance, the material of the seats leaving scorch marks on her legs.
“I got you-“ Tom fumbled and grabbed at her belt with his free hand before she slid out of reach, roaring at the effort of having to keep three bodies from flying to the ground.
Lizzy’s bad shoulder was screaming as they raced along. She could hear the trike bellowing from dangerously close by, feeling rather than hearing her feet pounding the Earth beneath them through the Jeep tyres.
She couldn't bear it, the pain was so bad that she just closed her eyes and hoped. Prayed she and Gerry would make it out alive.
Can’t let go, can’t let go. Can't let him fall.
Gerry mistook her pain for fear and started telling her over and over: it's okay, it's fine honey, we're almost there- while wondering himself if he was about to feel a trike horn in his undercarriage.
And then, safety. The reassuring rattle of one set of paddock gates closing behind them, and then the second. Kathy and Ray cheering over the radio. Richardson yelling something about them all being stupid bloody idiots, and Muldoon replying with a few choice words that silenced him quickly.
They had made it. Somehow.
Lizzy just hung limply over the back of the seat even after Gerry had let go of her hands, willing some life back into her frozen arms.
"Oh, boy-" He dismounted the Jeep bed with an effort and doubled over once he was back on solid ground, hands on his knees. "Ol’ pacemaker’s getting a workout today. I haven’t climbed a tree in years.”
"Everything alright? Still four of you back there?" Muldoon asked, sounding thoroughly annoyed.
"Oh Christ!" Lizzy finally got out of the Jeep herself, thinking she might topple over, her knees were shaking so much. "Let's never do that again."
”Agreed.”
“Still in one piece, Liz?” Tom patted her shoulder, and she nearly threw up. Lizzy winced before she could hide it, hoping nobody had seen.
“Just about.” She fibbed through clenched teeth, trying not to think about how she would be in agony the next morning if she didn’t get hold of some ice soon. Her joint was complaining mightily after the effort of stopping fifty-something Gerry from stumbling to his doom.
She leaned on the un-wrecked side of the Jeep, trying to make the world stop spinning.
“What’s wrong with that shoulder?” Muldoon had noticed and confronted her.
Tears pricked in the corners of her vision and she hastily blinked them away. “It’s fine. Just playing up again.”
He wasn’t convinced. ”You aren’t living up to your family name.”
“Ha-ha! Have you tried to lift Gerry recently?”
“Hey!” Came a yell from nearby. “Have you tried María's ice cream?"
They squared up to each other, but Lizzy was the first to look down.
“Leave it.” She warned in a low voice, tired of keeping up the fight today, of all days. “Please. It doesn’t matter. Leave it.”
"I'm serious, Armstrong. You're not alright, are you?"
She yielded. "I need a bit of ice. Maybe a lot of ice."
"Let’s get you back then. Won’t find any out here.”
***
They’d abandoned everyone, still arguing over who was going in which Jeep back to base and whether to bother retrieving the smashed vehicle or leave it in the paddock as a sort of Triceratops stress toy, 'enrichment' they would call it.
Muldoon had given up on trying to find ice cubes in the kitchen, since they would melt too quickly anyway, and was trying to chip a small glacier out of the upright freezer with a knife while Lizzy waited perched on the countertop, cradling her arm.
“That’s the shoulder you injured when you were in school, and you wouldn’t tell me how.” “Uh-huh.”
“Do you want Harding to check it? I’d dare say he owes you.”
“No. I’m fine. What’s next, inside leg measurement?” She grumbled.
“I have the same problem. Mine is from years and years of shooting. Go on, why does yours ache when it rains?”
Lizzy was exhausted. She wanted to take her ice, and go find a nice bit of floor to lie down on for a while. It didn't even have to be clean. Talking to Sarah and the trike incident had distracted her temporarily, but now she had time to think, her heart was hurting again.
But maybe this was as good a time as any to tell someone other than S-...her now-ex, as much as she hated reliving it. How much more traumatised could she possibly become in one day?
“My mother did it. Dislocated it.”
“Your own mother?”
“Yep. Popped it right out of the joint. Made a horrible noise.” Lizzy was terse, clipping her syllables. “She was drunk at the time. I’d like to say it was an accident, but...-“
Well, that complicates things. Muldoon realised.
Lizzy kept talking. “-I didn’t look after it properly once it was popped back in, cue me shooting from the wrong side for the rest of my life.”
“Bloody Hell, Armstrong…”
”Happy? That you finally got it out of me?”
”Not sure.” That was true enough. Maybe he preferred the not-knowing.
”Don’t worry, now we can both pretend it didn’t happen.” She smiled tersely as she held out a clean tea towel for her own personal iceberg.
“Will that last you?”
”Maybe half an hour.” Lizzy nodded.
“Anything else I can do?” To him at least, the sentiment fell a bit flat. Muldoon wasn’t sure he’d be up for telling anyone about an experience like hers either.
“Forget I ever told you that. Thanks for the ice.” Lizzy hopped down from the counter and hurriedly made her escape, in search of a flat surface to collapse on.
***
Thanks for reading!
Remember that seatbelt safety is very important if you *aren’t* on a dinosaur island. Please buckle up
#jurassic park oc#living dangerously#welcome to jurassic park#oc: dr lizzy armstrong#jurassic park female oc#jurassic park#jurassic park fanfiction#my writing#my fanfiction#gerry harding#ray arnold#robert muldoon x female oc#robert muldoon#sarah harding
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Trapped || Rafe Cameron x fem!reader
gif by @whumpypepsigal
Summary: canon fic based off season 2 episode 9
Warnings: swearing, reader dr*gs Sarah, mention of dead body, reader lowk is abit crazy
Word count: 1,463
A/n: guys I acc have an addiction to writing canon fics but I can’t help myself, they’re so fun to write 😭
MASTERLIST
divider by @yoonitos
"What the hell!" Sarah screamed, throwing another wine glass at the door, its contents spraying everywhere. "You asshole!" she continued, banging her fist against the wood. "Rafe! Let me out!"
"I'm not letting you out, Sarah. Not until you calm down, okay?" Rafe's voice came through the door, surprisingly calm despite Sarah's outburst. "Screw you!" Sarah fired back, frustration evident in her voice.
Walking down the staircase, you were startled awake by the commotion. "Rafe, what's going on?" you called out, confusion etched on your face as Rafe turned to face you, "who is that?". "Y/n?" Sarah's voice came from behind the door, filled with relief.
"Sarah?" you said incredulously, glancing between Rafe and the locked door. "Yeah," Rafe replied casually, causing your breath to hitch in disbelief. "Why is she locked in there?" you asked, trying to make sense of the situation. "Rafe locked me in here!" Sarah's voice was strained with frustration and panic.
"She's in there because sometimes you have to make the hard choice, right?" Rafe explained as you stare at him in shock, "she just didn't get that," he continues with a shrug. "Right choice? What- what the fuck is going on, Rafe. You're scaring me," you gulp, your voice trembling as you tried to comprehend the situation, your eyes darting from the door to Rafe.
"You fail to understand that constantly, don't you? Huh?"Rafe's voice rose slightly as he banged his hand against the door. "Shut the hell up!" Sarah yelled from inside the room, her desperation audible as you run a hand through your hair, your mind racing with a thousand thoughts.
"You need to calm down!" Rafe shouted at the door, his frustration palpable. You reached out and gripped his shoulders firmly. As Sarah’s screams echoed through the room—“What do you mean, calm down? What is wrong with you?”—you closed your eyes briefly, steadying yourself. Placing your hands on either side of Rafe’s face, you forced him to look at you.
“Go upstairs. I’ve got this,” you said, managing to keep your voice calm. Rafe hesitated, then nodded, seemingly trusting you. “All right,” he agreed, but you noticed his eyes flicking back toward the door. “Just go!” you insisted, your tone firmer. As he finally turned and walked up the stairs, you took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart while watching him disappear from view.
Turning back to the door, you approached it slowly. "Sarah," you called out gently. "Can you let me out?" Sarah's voice came back, filled with desperation. "I need you to calm down, Sarah," you urged softly, bracing yourself as Sarah continued to pound on the door. "Let me out!" she sobbed, her fear palpable.
"I really want to help you, Sarah, but I need to get the key first, okay?" you explained patiently, trying to soothe her panic. "I can't let you out without the key. Sarah, listen to me," you said firmly, your voice unwavering despite the urgency of the situation. "I promise you, I won't let Rafe do anything to you. But I need you to stay calm. Can you do that for me? I'll be right back."
"No, no, no, no," Sarah repeated, her voice trembling with panic as you stepped away from the door. "Y/n! Y/n! Please... please don't leave!" she pleaded desperately, her distress palpable.
When you made it upstairs, Rafe was nowhere to be found. You hurried to the kitchen, riffling through the medicine drawer. "What are you doing?" Wheezie's voice came from behind, making you jump. Your hand flying to your chest to steady your racing heart. "Jesus, Wheez, don't sneak up on me like that!"
"Go back to your room, you should be asleep right now," you said, still searching through the pill bottles until you found what you were looking for. "What is that for?" Wheezie questions, coming closer to you. "It's for me," you replied, trying to stay calm as you set up a tea set on a tray. "I can't sleep."
"Right," Wheezie nodded as you glanced at her. "Go to bed, Eloise. I'm serious," you insisted, your tone firm as she raised her hands in surrender. "All right, all right," she muttered, and you watched her retreat upstairs.
Letting out a shaky breath, you opened the teapot and placed it on the stove, letting it steep for a few moments. Then, grabbing the keys from the counter, you collected the tea set and headed downstairs.
Unlocking the door with a quiet click, it creaked open slowly. "Sarah?" you called out, seeing her scramble towards you. Her eyes were red and puffy, her appearance disheveled. "I need to call 911. We need to—" Her voice trembled with urgency, but you gently took her hand.
"Okay, sit down," you urged, guiding her to the armchair. "Sarah, it's okay," you said softly, trying to calm her as she struggled to catch her breath. "Tell me what happened." You sat beside her, speaking in a soothing tone. "Take deep breaths. In and out. That's it," you encouraged, mirroring your breaths with hers. "It's okay."
"It's okay," you repeated reassuringly, pouring tea into a cup. With a shaky voice, Sarah began to explain. "I came home, and, um, I was looking for something. And there's a truck outside," she said, taking the tea cup you passed to her.
"Here, here. Take some tea," you said gently, helping Sarah hold the cup in her shaky hands. "There's a body back there, y/n!" she whispered, tears streaming down her face, and your eyes widened in shock.
"We need to turn him in," Sarah's voice cracked as she took sips of the tea. "We'll get to the bottom of it, okay?" you reassured her, though your own voice trembled slightly. "Will you help me call?" Sarah asked with a shaky voice, and your heart broke knowing what lay ahead.
"I will help you. Here, drink more," you encouraged, guiding the cup close to her mouth while pretending to drink from your own. "I'm afraid Rafe has killed someone else," Sarah's words made you pause, setting the cup back down. "And last time he did that... Dad took the blame, and you see where that got him," she sniffled, and you listened intently.
"Sarah, you're right. Something is wrong with Rafe, okay?" You affirmed softly, reaching out to squeeze her hand in reassurance. Sarah nodded, her tears flowing freely now. “I’m so tired of it,” she sobbed. "I know. You just need to calm down. It's gonna be okay," you offered her a gentle smile, your hand patting her thigh reassuringly. "You need to rest, Sarah."
"I don't need—" Sarah began, her voice trembling as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "No, you do," you interjected gently but firmly as you knelt beside her. "I'm fine!" Sarah insisted, her words strained as she leaned back in the chair, her whole body tense with anxiety.
"And then, when you wake up, everything's gonna be so much better," you said softly, trying to reassure her. "Yeah, I'm gonna come with you guys on this little trip. What do you think about that?" you suggested, watching Sarah's gaze drop to the cup in her trembling hands. Her breathing grew heavy, and she seemed overwhelmed.
“What—what did you do?” Sarah whispered, looking at you with a mixture of fear and betrayal, tears welling in her eyes, mirrored by your own. "Sarah, I'm really sorry," your voice cracked with emotion as you pulled out the pill bottle. Sarah's face fell as she stared at it, realization dawning.
"Nothing bad is gonna happen to you, I promise. I promise nothing bad is gonna happen to you, but I needed you to rest," you pleaded, tears now streaming down your face as Sarah shook her head in disbelief,
"No, no, no. You're just like him, you're just like Rafe, I—" You couldn't bear to hear Sarah's words, your eyes screwing shut and your hand instinctively covering your mouth. Just like Rafe. The words echoed painfully in your mind.
"I had to do it, Sarah. You won't understand," you murmured sadly, shaking your head at her. But Sarah's eyes rolled back, her body suddenly going limp, the cup slipping from her fingers and clattering to the floor. “I’m so sorry,” You whispered, wiping the tears from your cheeks as you leave.
~
“Rafe,” you called out weakly, your voice barely above a whisper as he turned around, his eyes widening in concern as he took in your disheveled appearance. “What is going on—” Your voice cracked, tears welling up in your eyes. Before you could say more, Rafe rushed over and wrapped you in a tight embrace.
You sniffled against his chest, feeling his hand move soothingly across your back in comforting circles. He kissed your forehead gently, his touch warm and reassuring. “Everything will be okay, yeah?” he murmured, trying to calm you down.
“I just talked to Sarah,” you began, your words catching in your throat. “She said there’s a body in the truck, right?”Rafe’s expression grew serious as he pulled back slightly to look at you. “That’s Renfield,” he confirmed with a deep sigh. His voice was steady, almost detached, as if he were trying to distance himself from the gravity of the situation.
You slowly pulled away from his grip, your mind racing with questions and doubts. Seeing your reaction, worry filled his eyes. “No, no, y/n. I didn’t do shit, okay? I didn’t do shit!” he insisted, his tone urgent as he tried to convince you. You studied his face, searching for any sign of deception.
“Limbrey did it. I took the truck, and I left the old lady at the hangar, all right?” Rafe explained in a calm, measured tone, stepping closer to you. You could feel your breathing quicken, your heart pounding in your chest. “I got the cross for all of us, okay?”
Your hand came up to your forehead, a headache starting to throb painfully. “This is all so much—” you whispered, feeling overwhelmed by what just happened. Noticing your panic, Rafe gently took your hands in his. “Here, you need to sit down,” he said softly, guiding you to an armchair and helping you to sit.
As you sank into the chair, Rafe knelt beside you, his eyes never leaving yours. “I got the cross for all of us, okay?” he spoke, his voice steady. You remained quiet, focusing on steadying your breathing. “Okay?” Rafe repeated, his voice rising slightly in urgency. You quickly nodded, hoping to calm him down.
“And I was just getting ready to take care of Renfield when you came up,” Rafe continued, his tone shifting to one of anger and annoyance. You looked at him in disbelief. “Why are you getting mad at me right now—” you began, but Rafe cut you off.
“You should be… you should be thanking me,” he insisted, his gaze intense and unyielding. “Thanking you? What the fuck, Rafe, I just drugged Sarah for you,” you exclaimed, pushing his hand off of you in frustration. Rafe furrowed his brows, confusion mingling with anger. “I didn’t—I didn’t ask you to do that, okay—” he started, but you cut him off with a stern voice.
“What was I supposed to do, Rafe? She already knew about the body and she was freaking the fuck out. She was going to turn you in!” Your voice rose in volume, the tension between you thickening. Rafe stayed quiet, absorbing your words, the reality of the situation sinking in.
“Sarah was out of control, and I had to do something,” you continued, your voice trembling with emotion. Tears welled up in your eyes as you tried to steady your breathing. “I can’t keep doing these things for you,” you sniffled, your fingers nervously playing with the initials on your necklace, the small charm feeling like a heavy weight.
“Hey, what are you trying to say—” Rafe began, his face a mask of confusion and concern as he took a step closer to you. “But I will,” you interrupted, your voice breaking slightly. You looked up at him with a mix of resignation and love in your eyes.
“Because I love you, and I don’t know what I’d do if you were gone,” you said quietly, your heart aching with the truth of your words. Rafe’s expression softened as he reached out and pulled you into a deep, reassuring kiss. His lips were warm and familiar, a brief moment of comfort in the chaos.
“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and my family. I’m serious,” Rafe murmured against your lips, his voice filled with genuine gratitude. He pulled you into a tight hug, his arms wrapping around you protectively. You felt a wave of exhaustion wash over you, your body and mind drained from everything that just happened.
“Go to bed. I’ll sort it all out, okay?” Rafe said softly, helping you stand up. His hands were gentle but firm, guiding you towards the stairs. You nodded, feeling a mix of relief and weariness.
#drew starkey#rafe cameron#fanfiction#outer banks#rafe cameron x reader#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey x y/n#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x you#obx fanfiction#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe fanfiction#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x kook!reader#canon fic#rafe cameron canon fic#rafe x you#rafe x reader#rafe imagine#outerbanks rafe#outer banks x you#outer banks x reader#outer banks x y/n#sarah cameron#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron imagine#drew starkey x you#drew starkey x female reader#drew starkey x oc
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Urgent 🚨‼️
My name is Amal Jumaa, a pharmacist from Gaza. We have been forced to flee repeatedly due to danger, and the occupation has destroyed our home, leaving us crammed into a small room with eight family members.💔
Life here is incredibly difficult. Food is scarce, and clean water is hard to find. We often stand in long lines for contaminated water, living each day in fear and uncertainty
I watch helplessly as this war consumes my family. My father, Dr. Juma, has lost his pharmacy and, at 70, struggles with chronic health issues and grief over our lost livelihood. My mother, despite suffering from osteoarthritis, tries to cook for us amid her pain and lack of medication.
My older brother, Muhammad, is trying to support his three children in this crisis. His eldest, Sami, has become aggressive from fear, while the youngest suffers from malnutrition. Muhammad’s wife, Sarah, recently endured a traumatic Caesarean section, and they can’t provide even basic needs like milk and diapers for their newborn. The recent loss of her family adds to her despair.
In light of our suffering, I have created a GoFundMe campaign to seek help for my family. We urgently need support to survive and rebuild our lives.
Any contribution, no matter how small, can make a significant difference and bring us hope. Thank you for considering our plea.🙏🕊️
@wellwaterhysteria @gaza-evacuation-funds
@thecoffeguy @tododeku-or-bust
@aria-ashryver @palms-upturned @vivo-pra-deus
@viovio
#cates of tumblr#billford#deadpool & wolverine#stanford pines#heartstopper#bill cipher#poolverine#halloween#the amazing digital circus#fiddleford mcgucket#free palestine#free gaza
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HOW THEY MET | r. cameron
this is a prequel to my one shot ' miss you ' 💙 - idea to do this is from @sublimepenguinpeach-blog
summary: when you‘re over at your best friends house and her car suddenly breaks down – her brother Rafe has to drive you home
warnings: fluff, I‘m too tired rn to correct any typos, will do later so don‘t be too hard it‘s 5am where i live
words: 2,1k
song i recommend listening to: left hand free by alt-J
It all started when you were over at Sarah‘s. You two drove through outer banks with her car, her telling you that she would drive you home later, but that never happened.
Sitting in her car with her trying to start it, it was clear her car was broken. "Daaad!" she starts shouting outside the car window, getting Ward out of the house. "What‘s wrong?" he asked, walking towards the car. She explained the problem to him and let it try for himself but it didn‘t work still.
"I‘m sorry honey but looks like we have to take your car to the workshop to get it repaired.“ Sarah sighs and looks at her dad. "But Dad I wanted to drive y/n home, we went with my car today." He thinks for a moment. "Rafe shall drive her home okay? He‘s home anyways. Rafe!!" he starts shouting for him. "What? No Dad! I don‘t wanna let her be alone with him! You know how he is!" Ward rolls his eyes and answers his daughter "he is your brother, Sarah." "Yeah, exactly!"
You didn‘t wanna cause any problems so you smiled at them both. "It‘s no problem, really I don‘t mind. But I can also call JJ to get me with his bike." you suggested but Ward shook his head. "No no no sweetheart, it‘s supposed to be raining and I want you to get home safe from here." he says with a warm smile before turning back to the house, shouting his sons name again. "What is this boy doing?" be mumbles to himself. Now Sarah yells too. "RAFE!"
Finally Rafe comes out of the front door with a confused look on his face, yelling back. "what what what?"
" Would you please be nice and drive y/n home? Sarah‘s car broke down and I have a meeting in half an hour." Rafe looks at you, his expression unreadable.
"Yeah.." he just said, nodding while still looking at you. He broke his gaze from you when his dad pat his shoulder and walked back into the house. "Drive like a normal human being." Sarah tells her brother kn a annoyed voice. She walks over to you and gives you a hug. "Tell me when you‘re home, alright?" she mumbles agaknst your hair before letting go of you. You hear Rafe starting his car so you smile at her and nod. "Of course, see ya." You say with a smile before jogging over to him, opening the door and sitting in the passanger seat.
After a few minutes of driving and listening to some music you started a conversation with him, I mean the least you could do was to thank him, right?
"Hey Rafe.." "Hm?" he look over to you for a moment while driving. Your little smile made his knees weak and he never felt this kind of way so he didn‘t knew what to think of it. He always thought you were beautiful, the prettiest girl in outer banks. He loved the way your hair color complimented your skin and eyes, your lips looking soft and shiny with your favorite gloss over it. He just never thought about asking you out since you‘re a pogue and a friend of Sarah. Things would get complicated and to be honest, he didn‘t want to risk that you thought like him and then standing there like a dumb one.
"Thank you for taking me home, I mean I can imagine that you got more important stuff to do.. i told your Dad I could call JJ but he told me it would rain so his bike wouldn‘t be a safe option." you started yapping a little, feeling a bit nervous that you were alone with him. You always thought he‘s handsome.. hot. But he‘s your best friends brother so it‘s kind of a no go.
"No Problem, really. Wasn‘t doin‘ much anyway. And he‘s right 's better with the car – safer." "Yeah still.. thank you." Silent fills the car again for a few minutes until he starts a conversation this time.
"You like driving on bikes?" he asks you. "Yeah, why?" "See ya driving aroung with JJ all the time." he says shrugging his shoulders. " Ya know I have a bike too, right?" You had to smile a little at his almost cocky question. "I do, Rafe." You answer him with raised eyebrows.
"You could ride with me too. Mine‘s faster than JJ‘s" "Don‘t know how Sarah would find that but I‘ll thinl about it." you promised him, seeing his wide grin made you giggle a little.
"Can I put on a song?" "Yeah, here." he unlocks his Iphone (i‘m an apple girl and will NEVER write slmething differnet kn my storys #notsorry) and hands it to you. You search for your favorite song an put it on, looking over to Rafe to see his reaction but again his face was unreadable. You look outside the window, the night air blowing through your hair and putting goosebumps on your skin. Rafe saw it on your arms when he glanced over to you.
"You want me to roll down the window?“ "No I like it." But it didn‘t last long because not even a minute later, rain starts falling from the sky. He chuckles at your scolding face and closes the windows, pushing a little button at the side of his wheel. Suddenly your seat started to get warm, getting rid of the goosebumps.
When he pulls up at your house, JJ and John B stand outside the house, working on his bike while it rains. When they hear a car they look up, eyes going wide when they saw it was Rafe‘s with John B‘s little sister in it. "What the fuck?" he mumbles to JJ who was just as confused as him.
"Thanks again, Rafe. I owe you one." You say smiling at him, already opening the door of his car. "Wait." he quickly leans over and closes the door again which led to you smelling his cologne, the heat rising up your face. "Here take this.." he unbluckles his seatbelt and pulls his hoodie over his head to hand it to you. "It‘s still raining, don‘t want you to get cold." he says when he sees your flustered cheeks, feeling a little proud that he‘s the cause for that.
"I - thank you, again. Wow I really owe you big huh?" you chuckle at him, pulling the hoodie over your head, almost fluttering your eyes when you smelled his cologne on the collar again. "Just think about my offer." he says, scanning you in his hoodie.
"I will. See ya Rafe." You say, this time leaving his car after opening the car door. You don't see him winking at JJ with a smug grin on his face while walking towards him and your brother.
"Why the hell did Rafe Cameron just brought you home?" your brother asked almost furious at the thought of you and Rafe being even near each other. "Don't worry, Sarah's car broke down and he drove me home." you explained, pulling the hood over your head. "And what is that?" JJ joins the conversation, pointing at Rafe's Hoodie. You rolled your eyes at him and pointed at the sky. "It's raining JJ." and with that you left them standing, watching after you walking through your front door.
A few days went by after Rafe drive you home and no matter how often you saw Sarah and had the opportunity to give her her brother's hoodie, you didn't. You wanted to give it to him by yourself. Also the thought of his offer wouldn't leave your mind. You already loved driving JJ's bike, so thinking doing it with Rafe gave you butterfly's.
Then the best thing ever happened to you. Sarah told you she's dating your brother. Of course you were shocked, but not too much since you knew both of them and also weren't stupid enough to not see the tension between them. Besides the fact that you were happy for them tho, you thought of taking Rafe's offer, now that It wouldn't be much different from Sarah being with John B, right?
So you waited a few day's after Sarah told you and drove to her house, knowing she's out with John B and her parents on the Bahamas with Wheezie. You drove up to the garage, walking around the house and ringing at the front door.
It didn't took him long to open the door, smile on his face when he saw it's you. "Hey, Sarah's out somewhere." he says calmly. "I know, I'm here for the ride you offered me." you say with a smug smile on your face. "Oh? Okay, just uh - just let me get the helmets from my room." he says more nervous now, letting you in and disappearing p into his room.
When he came back down he handed you a black helmet, leading you through a door to the garage where his bike stood. "It's pretty.." you say, scanning it. "Pretty?" he chuckles, kicking up the stand and pushing it out of the garage, closing the door of it behind him with a key and a code.
"Yeah pretty." You repeat yourself, giggling quietly. "Why?" "Don't know.. never hear anyone saying pretty to it." he shrugs, sitting down on it and starting it. "Come on, pretty." Your cheeks instantly heat up at the nickname, so you decide to pull the helmet over your head to cover it. You sit down behind him while he puts his helmet on. He turns his head towards you and grins through it. " Ready?" he asks. You nod and wrap your hands around his body for support. He turns back and starts driving off the property. I yelp into my helmet, feeling it's indeed faster than JJ's and has way more power.
I feel his muscles flexing under his shirt which only made my cheeks turn darker again.
You drove around outer banks like that for a while, enjoying the ride and the feeling of somewhat like a little freedom. After about an hour he stopped at a little shop. You both got inside to get something to drink when he asked you "Does Sarah know that you're with me?" "No, didn't tell her." "Why not?" "Well she didn't tell me she's with John B for a while too, so.." His grin widens at your words.
He nods understanding and walk back to his bike with you. "Wanna do it again some time soon?" he asks, taking a sip of his water bottle. You took one from your own when you wondered "What? Driving around?" "Going out with me." You almost chocked on your water when he said that.
"What? Am I that bad?" he jokes, waiting for a answer. " No - no you're not, It's just uh - I didn't expect you to ask me out.." "Well, what do you say?" You remain silent for a few seconds, really thinking about it. On one side it was Rafe, but on the other side Sarah and John B are dating too, he's nice to you and doesn't treat you like trash just because you're a rogue. So why not? "Yeah, I would like that." you answer with a smile.
That's how it began. On the first date you two went to the beach on a more remote spot where nobody would see you two, so you could enjoy your first date. He packed fruits, drinks and a blanked for you two and told you to only bring your pretty face with you.
The date was beautiful. You had a book with you, which ended in you reading to him, his head on your lap and listening to your voice like a lullaby. You two fed each other with fruits, gigging when he didn't score, trying to throw grapes into your mouth.
You stayed there til late, telling the Pogues you had to work late. Only problem was, Sarah wanted to visit you and saw you weren't at work so she confronted you via message, asking you where you really are. You sighed and showed Rafe the messages. "Wanna tell her? Mean she own you for dating your brother, right?" he says.
After your date was over, you told her you would meet her at her house, her already knowing what was going on when she saw you and Rafe getting off his bike together.
After you explained to her and reminded her that the basically does the same, she agreed to keep it a secret and especially not telling John B.
That's how it started that you two went on dates, Sarah always covering you, telling the rest you're at hers or at the country club working. I mean how would they know? They would never go there.
It was the beginning of something sweet and beautiful, even Sarah saw that her brother started to change the longer you two dated each other.Maybe he does have a heart.
thanks for reading 🫶🏻 hope u enjoyed, let me know in the comments! 🤍
also thank u for the request/idea @sublimepenguinpeach-blog <333
my masterlist and my current 1000 followet special
xoxo sarah <3
#rafe cameron fluff#rafe cameron masterlist#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron#outer banks smut#outer banks masterlist#outer banks#drew starkey fluff#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey smut#drew starkey imagine#drew starkey
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Women in Paleontology on Film + Paleontological Subdisciplines
Laura Dern as Dr. Ellie Sattler, Jurassic Park (1993) Julianne Moore as Dr. Sarah Harding, The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Dr. Kate Lloyd, The Thing (2011) Kate Winslet as Mary Anning, Ammonite (2020) Ine Marie Wilmann as Dr. Nora Tidemann, Troll (2022) Alex Oliver as Alex Haynes, Unconformity (2022)
#filmedit#paleoblr#jurassic park 1993#the lost world jurassic park#the thing#ammonite 2020#troll 2022#unconformity#If I missed any I'm sorry I live under a rock and I'm trying ;_;#my edit#the fossilized rose garden
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Chapter 3
Yandere Psych Patient König x Nurse Reader
Warning: Possesive, Obsession, Death, Gore, Blood, Smut, Toxic behavior, age gap.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
(This might suck idk. I don't know German so it's all Google translate)
-------------------------------------------------------
He hasn't left his room for a month. They kept him in their with the straitjacket on. His meals are just vitamins that he has to swallow. You would go in to check up on him, but new orders from the administrator's to not go near at all, so you pass by his room. You would peak through the little window and see him laying on his back with little no to motion on his arms or body entirely. His psychiatrist, Dr. Smith is the only that goes in there. They have sessions in his room instead of the usual spot they have it in.
She was pissed at everyone, specifically you. You are her punching bag, even though it was Ben's fault. "Why hasn't he been given his meds!" She yelled at you.
"We are not allowed to go i-" you tried to explain your her, but she could care less.
"You are his nurse right! Your job is to give him his meds! How did you graduate when you can't even do that!" She yelled at you.
You plead for her to listen to you "I'm sorry, Dr. Smith. I can't it's Mr. Millers orders. No one can go in except you because you are his psychiatrist."
So she strolled her way to the administrator's office.
Ignoring his assistant from telling her that she can't go in. Slaming the door open to see him sitting on his chair, writing whatever cral he writes on paper.
"Sarah calm down!"
"Do you have any idea how dangerous he is, and you want me to deal with him alone! On top of that the lack of guards is making my job harder!" Dr. Smith argued with a hand on her hips and her finger pointing towards Ben.
"Do you remeber when you wanted a nurse to look after him." She rolled her eyes. Yes, you, the nurse. "Do you have any idea how much money is going towards her. Triple the pay for looking after him."
Her hands swing in motion, showing her frustration. "She can't even do her fucking job Ben!"
"If she's alive, then she's doing her job well. What's making this hard, is you barging into my office and telling me what to do when you are the one demanding this." He stood up from his chair, fixing his navy tie. "We're loosing staff. People don't want to go near him. Gabriel is threatening to sue the company. Gaurds are quiting left and right so sorry that there aren't enough staff attending your needs."
She crossed her arms with an annoying sigh leaving her lips tinted with red lipstick. "Then hire more people, I don't see the problem?"
"Did you not hear what I said" he walked towards her, standing toe to toe to her. "Majority of our budget is going towards (Y/n). She's been here for two months now, lasting longer than any other nurses. We can't afford another hire with the same pay to deal with König. Besides he hasn't actually killed anyone in those two months, I'll take that than dealing with someone who has a broken jaw from a simple punch."
"Then ask for more money." She scuffed like if it was a joke she said.
He laughed at her face, "Do you think the government cares to fund more for this place, I already have the staff on my ass for new medical supplies, do you think they are gonna hand me the budget to hire someone with triple pay just because you are scared."
"Then fire (y/n) and hire a new guard, maybe someone with military experience."
"Why would I do that. You came into my office, spreaded your legs cause you were so desperate for a nurse and now you want me to fire her. She hasn't done anything in particularly wrong."
"She doesn't follow orders!"
"She does, you just make it difficult." He came in defense.
"Wasn't she trying to stop you from putting him into a straitjacket?" She smirked while her arms crossed at her chest.
"Yes, and she was right. Putting him in a straitjacket does nothing. He was fine it's just that..." he closed his eyes taking deep breath.
"Just what?" She came closer to him, placing her hand on his shoulder, gently caressing it.
He turned his head to her, he used to lovy dovey with her seduction, but now it's more annoyance. "Eli, the other guard, came to my office the other day and told me that Gabriel was provoking König."
She rolled her eyes, looking around his office. Paying attention to the paintings hanged up on the wall and the light objects he has on his desk. "Like what? Making fun of him? We all make fun the people here what else is new?"
"I don't know the full details, but that's what he told me." He sat a bit on his desk.
"Why does that matter?" She shook her head without a single thought in her brain.
"Gabriel is threatening to sue us. If we fight the legal action, we'll have to defend König. König, just like any other patient represent us, our care. If they find out that Gabriel was the one that caused this, making König the victim it doesn't look good after we placed him in the straitjacket. Like we silencing him out. It will ruin our reputation, we'll all loose our jobs and you fucked your way up here for nothing."
"But he harmed a worker, beside murdered multiple people." She let out a little chuckle, placing her hand on his chest.
He didn't give in, instead, he gave her a stare. "He's ex- military and as for you being his psychiatrist, you'll have to speak on behalf of him. Meaning that people will find out about you, how you never studied to become a doctor you fucked every professor you had to get your degree."
"What are you saying, Ben." Her smile dropped.
"I won't fire (Y/n). She stood up for König, making us look like we care about our patients. As for Gabriel, all he's asking is for some 20,000 thousand dollars, which we can easily give him worth than standing infront of the judge. Which means that we can't afford new guards for you. Besides they're taking off his straitjacket today, so stop being so scared and do your dam job."
"I still think you should fire, (Y/n) atleast." She hummed, wrapping her arms around his waist.
"I'm not doing that. Beside she's the only staff that doesn't barge in here demanding stuff. She nice and sweet...." he looked down to the side, " and...young and beautiful. "
She let go of his waist, clenching her jaw. Yes, you being so beautiful. "So what? You want to fuck her? Is that it. Never head young pussy before?"
"You should leave, I have work to do and so do you. This discussion is over." He walked to his desk, sitting down on his chair, unbutton his last few buttons from his dark, navy, blazer.
She stormed off his office, angrly stomping on the white tile floors with her heels creating a louder noise.
You heard the word going around that their taking of his straitjacket, so you quickly gathered what you need to check him up. You saw as the guards took off. He let out a big stretched, flexing more of his muscles. It caused a scare to the guards like a lion letting out a roar.
You walked up to and saw more of his face. He stared at you.
He missed you. He never thought he would miss you. During that month of not seeing you was a time he contemplated about you. Are you made for him or not. He will shut his eyes and images of you will pop up. You smiling at him. Taking good care of him. Watching you squirm under him as you take his full length cock inside your pussy. He'll treat you with respect as long as you do what he says that's all. Seeing your belly swell up with his baby. Can't wait to fuck your tits filled with milk. Can't wait to impregnate you with multiple of his children, making one big happy family. How protective he'll be for his kids, for you. To stand up to the bullies, to show them not to be scared of anything. To hold them if they cry.
He should kill you for making him react this way. He should just kill you. You are just another nurse thinking they have control over him. He use to give orders to people, being the colonel and all, he got the respect he fought for, why does he feel weak around you. You are so sweet and joyful to him. If he was back in the field and saw you, would he kill you. Or maybe fuck you. Maybe that's it. He hasn't done it in so long, so long he hasn't touch a women. He should've just fucked one of the other nurses. Yes, maybe he should do that. Fuck a nurse, just to see. I mean what's the harm in that.
"Aah...yes. right there ngh.... yes...oh fuck that feels good."
The sound of König's footsteps were low that they couldn't hear over the sound of skin slapping against eachother. Watching a men fucking his girlfriend on his bed.
"Does your boyfriend fuck you like this?" Slaming her ass back and forth on his cock.
"Ah....a-aah....he-..he could barley...make me- fuck!..mmgh....wet." She grip the bedsheets hard while he kept pounding her.
No. No. He can't. Not you. He can't. He can't betray you like they did. He can't imagine the face you'll make if you know he fucked another girl. No he should be pure to you. You should be the only one he touches.
He needs you. Okay, it's done. He'll make you his and you'll love him. You'll love him and care for him. Rather you like him or not it's done.
You wrapped the cuff around his bicep and squeeze the bulb reading the numbers on the circle, writing it down. Doing the usual things you have studied for. As you were checking his heartbeat, he reached up which caused you to flinch a bit. His index finger, gently, caressing your cheek. Your back was turned to the guards, making it hard them to see what's going. You stared at him as he touched you with such charisma. His thumb reaching to your chin, hovering over your lips. He placed the tip of his thumb on your bottom lip, gently pulling it out a bit.
You shouldn't have this feeling at the pit of your stomach. You couldn't tell of you didn't smack his hand away because you are scared or because you enjoy it. You never had this much attention, not like this.
"I don't have time to argue with you (Y/n)! Go to your room!" The little girl tuged at her moms shirt.
"Where's daddy?" She felt tears running down her face as her mother poured more wine into her glass, already finishing up the fresh new bottle.
"(Y/n)! Seriously go to room! You are such a headache! Why couldn't your father take you with him! Nauseating!" She dranked the entire glass, slamming the cup on the table.
"Where's daddy?" She said one last time not letting go of her blanket. The same blanket her father got her when she told him she was cold.
"HE LEFT! HE LEFT US (Y/N)! LEFT US FOR THAT BITCH! AND NOW I'M STUCK HERE WITH YOU. HE RUINED MY LIFE. I COULD'VE DONE SOOOO MANY THINGS! But no! I'm stuck to take care of a brat!"
He palmed your cheek, feeling your warmth. He went in closer to you. You could feel his hot breath, quicken as he got closer to your lips.
You pulled back, "I shouldn't- we shouldn't. I mean." You whispered to him.
"Mein liebling (my darling)." He whispered to you. The first time he spoke to you. You couldn't understand him, but he spoke to you. "Du bist mein (you are mine)." He pulled you closer to him, he didn't care if the guards were staring, if anything, he enjoys it. To show everyone that he is yours to touch. "Mein schatz (my sweetheart)," his lips were hovering yours, you felt a little tingle at how close he was.
You know this shouldn't happen. You turned your away from his. You walked back, feeling his grasp letting go. He stared at you witch a smile on his face. You saw the smile he gave you.
When your shift ended and went back to your apartment, the thoughts of what happened lingered into your mind.
That night, you couldn't sleep. He was in your dreams. What if you never pulled way. Were you really going to kiss him. You glazed over the parts where he touched you.
You searched the words he said to you to translate it. Sweetheart, darling, mine.
You felt the butterflies in your stomach again. You never felt so complicated before.
Having a crush on a patient.
You have a crush on König.
#cod modern warfare#cod mw2#cod x reader#fanfic#konig x reader#yandere konig#yandere könig#konig#könig x y/n#könig x reader#könig cod#könig#könig mw2#könig call of duty
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Choose Your Own Growth - Part Two: Ascension
Pop...pop...shriiiiip!
The feeling was intense. A rush of fear, adrenaline followed by a need. She began humping the air as the seams on her jeans split, then laddered and frayed.
"No! This can't be happening. Please stop." She became more panicked as the tingling between her legs began to intensify. "This isn't natural. Somebody help!" She screamed.
Her shoes bulged, indents of toes becoming visible on the tops of her sneakers. "It hurts, but."
Her heart quickened again as a wave of pleasure rushed over her. Sarah screamed in orgasmic pleasure. "OH FUCK YEAH!"
Her body convulsed as her shoes burst open in sync with her orgasmic scream, as her jeans shredded all the way up to her knees.
"I've gotta get up. I've gotta get out. I need to... Oh fuck another one." She moaned, her hands flying to her crotch as she masturbated furiously. "No. I've got to get out of here."
She tried to get up, only getting as far as a squat, as she screams again. Her buttons flying across the basement and her jeans finally giving up the fight. She was ten feet tall now, maybe even more. But she started to feel the resistance falling as her body temperature increased. Her breasts pushed eagerly against her bra, increasing their rate of expansion.
Her left breast was the first to escape the confines of her ever tightening bra. The remnants of her clothes on the ground beneath her.
The intensity of the transformation was incredible. All she cared about was getting out. But she realised the only way out, was through the basement.
She stands, her head hitting the ceiling so hard, she's knocked back to her knees.
"I'm incredible." She screamed. The pleasure began to rush over her again as a jet of cum escapes her swollen sex. "I need... I need."
The walls closed in on her as her brain tried to finish her ragged sentence. "MORE... OH FUCK I NEED MORE."
She came hard as her breasts began to swell at an increased rate to the rest of her body.
"Bigger?" She asked as she felt her toned legs begin to soften as the pleasure continued.
Even on her knees her head hit the ceiling, hitting the grated skylight that was under the pavement above.
"Need more!" She grunts as Sarah's panties, the final vestige of clothing burst off her increasing arse and thighs.
She closes her eyes and moans in orgasm as another surge pushes her closer to her escape.
The door opens and Dr Ashleigh walks back through.
"I see my formula is a success. Now let's see if the contagion sequence is effective. Leave. Dominate. Change the world. You are a goddess now."
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Train Yourself (or a partner) to Cum Faster - Coach Sarah' Method for PE
TL;DR
* Find what tier you're in below
* work towards the next tier
**Introduction**
After posting my first adventure here, I've gotten many, many people asking me to train or coach them one-on-one. Of course, having someone hot, clever, and a little sadistic to train you is the best, but, tragically, the reality is that I am way too busy to coach every person who wants to be coached.
But, these conversations have helped me start to formulate a generic write-up for some of the stuff I would suggest for guys or girls who want to be coached, either to cum faster, to cum helplessly to some specific stimulus, or both. This is my first stab at the former -- coaching to cum faster.
I've never had a "method" before. Every guy or girl I've ever played these sorts of games with I've approached individually, depending on their desires, their past, and what I personally was finding hot when I thought about it.
But I do think there are patterns or defaults that can help, so I've decided to start writing them down and sharing them.
If any of you follow my advice and keep notes, I'd love to hear how it goes! I particularly enjoy public comments, even if they're made with a burner account, because then everyone can benefit from your experience.
**What this guide is and isn't**
This will be an initial attempt at a guide specifically for people (any gender, any genitals) who want to cum faster. This is actually NOT what I do most of the time in my personal life -- most of the time, especially if I'm even occasionally sleeping with the person, I'd much prefer to train them to cum when I want, which might be 30 seconds into making out with them, or not at all. But, since PE Fetish is where I shared my first post, that's what most of your questions have been about, so I figured I'd start there.
So, what are the main goals of making someone cum faster? And what are the things I am not particularly interested in?
Let's get some of the "not interested" things out of the way first.
First, I'm not interested in fantasy, and that's not what this guide is about. I think fantasy captioned images where a guy is cumming in his pants after just seeing a girl in tight pants are great, if that's your thing. More power to ya! But MY thing is doing it in real life, and in real life that sort of thing is both borderline impossible, and also, if it really COULD be achieved, would completely screw up a person's life. Hot in fantasy, but not workable in reality.
Second, for this guide, I'm only interested in "conditioned triggers" in as much as they facilitate cumming faster. The idea of cumming whenever you see pussy or breasts or ass or a fire truck or hear a specific phrase is GREAT, and I LOVE it -- but here it is, at best, of secondary importance.
If you condition yourself to only cum to bare breasts, for example, you're working towards a different goal than strictly "lowering your time" PE. Imagine training to only cum to bare breasts, and it worked perfectly. Does that mean if we were hooking up, and I left my shirt on, you could you go for hours?
Obviously the answer to this is probably "who knows," but the point is that if your goal is just to get faster, a trigger CAN be helpful, but it should be a side dish more than the main course.
(Side note, a variation on this that I applied with Alan in a previous post, and that I have used several times since, is conditioning friends to cum when they see my bare pussy. This is a fun variation on a PE fetish, because it lets you keep a guy hard for as long as you want, but they know they will never be able to fuck you! That's not what I'm covering here, though. Maybe another day!)
So if that's what I DON'T want, what DO I want to achieve with this kind of coaching?
**Goals / What this guide will help you do**
The following three goals, IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE:
1. the person gets better at the learned skill of cumming quickly. week over week, the number of minutes and seconds it takes for them to cum goes down consistently (if not strictly linearly)
2. the person gets better at cumming from less intense VISUAL & mental stimulation. if in week 1 they are cumming to niche hardcore porn, in week 52 (say) I'd like them to be cumming just as easily to pics of people wearing clothes, or just their imagination.
3. the person gets better at cumming from less intense PHYSICAL stimulation. if in week 1 they are cumming to jerking off with a death-grip at high speed, or by holding a hitachi directly against their clit, by week 52 (say), I'd like them to be cumming from one finger rubbing their frenulum, or a soft paintbrush or make-up brush on their clit.
This is a key concept, so I'll repeat it: for me, and this guide, I am more interested in lowering times FIRST, decreasing intensity of visual stimulation SECOND, and decreasing physical stimulation THIRD. There can be some wiggle room, and not everything is linear, as I'll explain; but in general I think going from 20 minute jerk-offs (or 4+ hour goon sessions) with a tight grip and nonstop hardcore/niche porn on monday, to trying to "OFM" to girls in baggy clothes in 90 seconds on tuesday, is a recipe for not getting anywhere.
**Three Elements**
That said, progress is always non-linear. So, you'll be working through tiers. For each tier, you will:
1. Get your time down, and keep lowering it consistently
2. Then, start to experiment with less intense visual / mental stimulation
3. Then, start to experiment with less intense physical stimulation
When you are hitting all three benchmarks in a given tier, you'll move on to the next.
Ok those are the goals. Now onto the method.
**Method In Broad Strokes**
1. Take stock of where you currently are.
2. Find the highest tier you're in based on the benchmarks
3. Use that tier to set specific, concrete goals
4. Work towards those goals in the following order:A. TimeB. Visual stimulationC. Physical stimulation
5. When you reach a new benchmark, start the steps over
6. When (not if) you hit a plateau, follow the "plateau procedure"
Again, I've never written this down before, but this is basically what I'm typically, generically doing and thinking about when I'm training a friend (or enemy). I'm not always literally following the exact steps in the exact order, but it's pretty close to what I would do in the broadest of strokes.
(Also, for what it's worth, if anyone works on this constantly I'd love your feedback. I'm inventing these tiers right now based on experience, in order to help people broadly; but in my normal life I'd be setting individual goals for each individual. These might end up being a little "off" and if you find yourself stalling or hitting certain benchmarks more easily than others, I'd love to hear that.
**Tiers**
>**Tier 1 Benchmarks:**
>
>Frequency: Masturbates 3 or more times per day
>
>Time: n/a (doesn't matter)
>
>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>**Tier 2 Benchmarks:**
>
>Frequency: Masturbates once or twice a day, most days
>
>Time: n/a (doesn't matter)
>
>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>**Tier 3 Benchmarks:**
>
>Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week.
>
>Time: records time consistently (time itself doesn't matter)
>
>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>**Tier 4 Benchmarks:**
>
>Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week.
>
>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 5 minutes
>
>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>*Note: from this point and below, the requirement for every tier is "Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week, not more."*
>
>**Tier 5 Benchmarks:**
>
>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 90 seconds
>
>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>**Tier 6 Benchmarks:**
>
>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 60 seconds
>
>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person w/o penetration
>
>Physical stimulation: n/a (*Can be anything, though this is a good place to casually practice a "loose" grip (penis) or less intense or indirect vibrations (if you have a pussy and use a vibrator).*)
>
>*Note: from this point and below, the phrase "a single person" refers to "a single person per video or image." You are keeping to softcore, not fixating on a single individual.*
>
>**Tier 7 Benchmarks:**
>
>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 45 seconds
>
>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person wearing SOME clothing on top and bottom (can be underwear or swimsuit)
>
>Physical stimulation: masturbates with thumb, index finger and middle finger only (penis) or fingers only (vagina)
>
>**Tier 8 Benchmarks:**
>
>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 30 seconds
>
>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person wearing street clothes
>
>Physical stimulation: masturbates with two fingers only (index finger and thumb or index finger and middle finger) (penis) or 1 finger only (vagina)
>
>*Note: from this point and below, the phrase "street clothes" is subjective. My metric is "an outfit that wouldn't get you kicked out of a typical restaurant where families are present"*
>
>**Tier 9 Benchmarks:**
>
>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 20 seconds
>
>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person wearing street clothes
>
>Physical stimulation: masturbates with two fingers only (index finger and thumb or index finger and middle finger) (penis) or 1 finger only (vagina)
>
>**Tier 10 Benchmarks:**
>
>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 10 seconds
>
>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm without visual stimulation
>
>Physical stimulation: masturbates with one finger only (penis) or with a make up brush only (vagina)
**Using the Tiers**
Again, the method / pattern is as follows:
1. Take stock of where you currently are.
2. Find the highest tier you're in based on the benchmarks
3. Use that tier to set specific, concrete goals
4. Work towards those goals in the following order:A. TimeB. Visual stimulationC. Physical stimulation
5. When you reach a new benchmark, start the steps over
6. When (not if) you hit a plateau, follow the "plateau procedure"
For the purposes of this guide, you want to look at the HIGHEST number tier for which you hit ALL the metrics. That is the tier you are "on." One tier below that is the tier you are "working towards."
Note that I say you need to hit ALL the metrics to be ON a given tier. What happens if you hit some metrics for one tier, but not all the metrics? As you'll see, this will often be the case, and that's a good thing. In every case, you are considered to be on the HIGHEST number tier for which you hit ALL the metrics; hitting some metrics for lower tiers is great, but doesn't mean anything in terms of your programing.
For example, lets look at tiers 5 and 6
>**Tier 5 Benchmarks:**
>
>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 90 seconds
>
>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
​
>**Tier 6 Benchmarks:**
>
>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 60 seconds
>
>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person w/o penetration
>
>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
Lets say you time yourself and are able to cum in 54 seconds while looking at hardcore BDSM porn. You are in Tier 5, working towards tier 6, because while you meet the time metric for tier 6 (good job!), you don't yet meet ALL the metrics.
Let's look at a more extreme example.
>**Tier 3 Benchmarks:**
>
>Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week.
>
>Time: records time consistently (time itself doesn't matter)
>
>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>**Tier 4 Benchmarks:**
>
>Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week.
>
>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 5 minutes
>
>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)
>
>**Tier 7 Benchmarks:**
>
>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 45 seconds
>
>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person wearing SOME clothing on top and bottom (can be underwear or swimsuit)
>
>Physical stimulation: masturbates with thumb, index finger and middle finger only (penis) or fingers only (vagina)
Let's say you consistently masturbate to images of a single person wearing some clothing on top and bottom, like underwear or a swimsuit. Great! You have only recently started timing yourself, and you average about 8 1/2 minutes to climax, with a best-ever time of 5:24.
You are doing awesome, but for the purposes of programing, you should consider yourself at Tier 3, working towards Tier 4. This isn't to diminish your work cumming to less intense visual stimulation! But this guide is about learning to cum faster. Following the tier system, you can stop worrying about less intense visual stimulation for a while, and focus on getting your time down for a while.
Again, as a reminder, this guide isn't one-size fits all. If you think this concept is shit, do whatever you want! I'm not your mom (unless I've explicitly told you to call me Mommy) and you can do whatever you want to do. But this is the GENERAL advice and programing I'd give to a person who wants to achieve the specific goals I outlined above. If you want something else, do something else, I won't be offended.
**Moving Up In Tiers**
**Tiers 1 - 3**
Your goal here is to work from masturbating many times a day to once every other day, or 3 days a week on scheduled days each week. (Either is fine in my opinion -- every other day is probably sightly better in general, but every 3 days can make overcoming plateaus easier so it's mostly a wash.)
* for one week, keep track of how many times you masturbate. (Generally this means orgasm, but if you do a lot of edging, count each 30 minute block as one time)
* At the end of the week make a total for the week.
* Multiply the total by .9. That is your new weekly maximum.
* Divide by 7 to get a daily maximum, if you want to
* for each following week, multiply THE WEEKLY MAXIMUM by .9 to get a new weekly maximum
* Do not multiply the number of times you masturbated by .9, I don't care about that number at all. Reduce the amount you masturbate by as much as you like. Drop down to 3x a week on week 2 if you want. But your weekly maximum goes down by 10% each week regardless.
* You are done with this sequence when you consistently masturbate every other day / on 3 scheduled days a week for 3 consecutive weeks.
*Walking, exercise, and hobbies Side-note*
For people that I coach who masturbate A LOT, their masturbation is often a way of numbing difficult emotions. Simply dropping down in frequency without doing anything else tends, in my experience, to fail spectacularly.
If you masturbate more than 7x a week, you should follow the following sequence as you follow the above sequence:
* when you determine the number of times a week you masturbate, also keep track (precisely or loosely, guesstimates are fine) of the number of MINUTES you masturbate
* As you reduce the number of times you masturbate, you are REQUIRED to replace at least 50% of that time (100% is optimal) with specific other activities.
* Walking is the default activity, and might be the best. This generally means going outside and walking, maybe listening to music or a podcast. If you can't decide, just do this.
* Other activities include any form of exercise, or any hobby where you look at your hands (drawing, journaling, sculpting, ship-in-a-bottle are ok; video games and surfing the internet do not count for this requirement)
**Tiers 4 and beyond**
Again, the method / pattern is as follows:
1. Take stock of where you currently are.
2. Find the highest tier you're in based on the benchmarks
3. Use that tier to set specific, concrete goals
4. Work towards those goals in the following order:A. TimeB. Visual stimulationC. Physical stimulation
5. When you reach a new benchmark, start the steps over
6. When (not if) you hit a plateau, follow the "plateau procedure"
We've now covered 1, 2, and 3. Now we'll work on 4, 5 and 6.
**4A. How to lower your time**
This alone is a helpful and simple method, and I bet some of you who think this guide is WAY too complicated can still benefit from this approach. Here's what you do.
Note: should be self-explanatory, but the following is intended for people who are in tier 4 or higher. If you are masturbating 3x a day, godspeed, but this will probably not be super effective.
Solo Method:
Week 1
* each time you masturbate, time yourself with a STOPWATCH
* \- the timer begins when you touch your genitals, even through clothes (this is to prevent cheating by doing a lot of stimulation through your jeans or whatever, which is counterproductive)
* \- You can look at stimulating stuff at other times, but this may cause you to go crazy or fall off the wagon (hard to advise if you don't have a partner)
* at the end of the week, average the times (add them up and divide by 3 or 4 depending)
* Multiply this number by .9 -- This is your new MAXIMUM TIME
For each following week:
* each time you masturbate, set a TIMER (not a stopwatch) for your MAXIMUM TIME.
* If you orgasm within the maximum time, great! (it's not required, but I think it's good to write down how long you took, eg {max time - time remaining on timer = session time\]
* if you do not orgasm within the maximum time, no problem! stop masturbating and wait until your next session.
* Generally, if you are following the structure, you will always cum either in the first session or the second session. This is considered "good progress"
* At the end of each week, multiply the week's MAXIMUM TIME by .9 to get next weeks new Maximum Time
* Generally there's no need to add up your times and find an average anymore, unless you find yourself consistently beating your maximum times by a huge margin (over 25%) FOR MULTIPLE WEEKS RUNNING.
* When your week's maximum time gets = to or lower than the maximum time for the Tier you are WORKING TOWARDS, set your max time at that time and keep it there.
*Partner Method:*
*As above, but with a partner you can generally go faster, especially if the partner is keeping you in a chastity device. Sometimes I will multiply the max time by other numbers, like .85 or .8, or arbitrarily drop down even lower -- and then in following weeks raise the time similarly arbitrarily. I find a more chaotic approach that trends downward is often more effective and makes my partner feel much more controlled and helpless.*
Within 2 weeks, you will either be cumming within the max time for the tier you are working towards, most of the time or all of the time, OR, you will be plateaued, only cumming every other time (and likely really frustrated).
If you are pretty consistently cumming within the max time for the tier you are working towards, keep your max time where it is and move on to decreasing visual stimulation.
If you are plateaued, do the following:
* time yourself with a stopwatch (not a timer)
* masturbate once, with the goal of cumming as fast as you can
* whatever time you get is your temporary max time, which will be consistent as you move on to decreasing visual stimulation.
**4B -** **Decreasing Visual Stimulation**
(This is identical to (but maybe slightly more detailed than) the much-misunderstood "Trigger Method" popular on this subreddit. I hate to even use that term, because people almost always get the wrong idea about what the word "trigger" means. So if you don't know what I'm talking about, just forget the word trigger.)
* keep your maximum time, as above.
* as above, if you don't cum within your maximum time, stop and wait for your next session
* Look at the requirements for visual stimulation for the tier you are working towards
* Before you start masturbating, pull up something along those lines in another window, browser tab, screen, whatever. We'll call this the LESS STIMULATING stuff.
* masturbate as normal to the stuff you normally masturbate to
* when you are close to orgasm, switch to the LESS STIMULATING stuff while you orgasm
* Over time, experiment with switching to the LESS STIMULATING stuff earlier and earlier in the session
* Eventually experiment with starting with the less stimulating stuff and looking at it the whole time.
* There is another more concrete method for this that involves two timers, but that is probably too much for most people's patience.
* DON'T: look at the less stimulating stuff to start with and switch to some other thing later.
* I don't really recommend making the LESS STIMULATING stuff something specific like belly buttons or feet or eye contact or fire hydrants if your goal is to decrease your time. (That can be fun for other games, but outside the scope of this specifci guide.)
* When you are consistently cumming to the less stimulating stuff, move on to decreasing physical stimulation
* If you go for several weeks making no progress -- consistently not cumming, or frequently only cumming on session #2 and not #1, you can move on to physical stimulation OR add time to your max time and start over.
**4C - Decreasing Physical Stimulation**
Much the same as above, but with physical stimulation.
* keep your maximum time, as above.
* as above, if you don't cum within your maximum time, stop and wait for your next session
* Look at the requirements for physical stimulation for the tier you are working towards
* masturbate as normal to the stuff you normally masturbate to
* while you masturbate, experiment with less intense grip/pressure/lower speed on vibrator
* when you are close to orgasm, switch to the LESS STIMULATING type of touching while you orgasm. Do this until you feel you are cumming normally/strongly with the less intense stimulation
* Over time, experiment with switching to the LESS STIMULATING grip/pressure earlier and earlier in the session
* (For people with vaginas, when you are moving from vibrator to fingers, take your time. This tier might be a huge challenge for you! That's fine, be patient, take it slow.)
* Eventually experiment with starting with the less stimulating grip or pressure the whole time.
* When you are consistently cumming to the less stimulating stuff, but are falling short of the tier you are working towards in terms of time or visual stimulation, return to those steps as above. It's okay for progress to be non-linear!
* If you go for several weeks making no progress -- consistently not cumming, or frequently only cumming on session #2 and not #1, you can move back to visual stimulation OR add time to your max time and start over.
Ok, I typed this all out without too much thinking about it or review. I'll probably return to it in a day or two to make refinements and possibly add examples for the last part. And obviously I'll need
Please sound off with questions, in the meantime.
And, good luck! I can't offer direct coaching, but I'd love to hear your progress in the comments.
\-Coach Sarah
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Just Pretend-nineteen
*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*
Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader
Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.
Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.
Authors Note: I realized today that Sarah and I have been working on this story for almost TWO MONTHS. Holy shit. Talk about a slow burn! I don't think it's ever taken me this long to write an active story. Also, there are a few sentences in Greek and Italian in this chapter. You can find the translations at the end of the chapter.
Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)
Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart @shilohrosechicken @emzandthevoid @casangel1986 @qualityvoidcollectorsblog @myownthoughts12 @jilliemiw86 @bellaboo967 @halloweenaesthetic
NOAH
My knee bounced in a tangent along with the clock on the wall behind Dr. Poulos as she tilted her head towards me, waiting for my answer.
“I’m sorry, what was the question?” I blinked slowly.
She gave me a small smile, tapping her pen on her notebook; something I’ve realized she did when she was ready to ask me a hard-hitting question.
“How have the panic attacks been?” Dr. Poulos wondered.
“Uh,” I rubbed my jaw. “It’s been better, I suppose. I still feel them starting every once in a while but my friends have been great at helping me through them.”
“That’s great,” she smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. I know it was a problem for you from our first session.”
“Yeah, I’ve come to realize there were a few aspects of my life that hindered me more than helped me.”
Dr. Poulos’ brows raised. “Like what?”
“Up until recently, I would drink; a lot. And smoke weed every so often. People say it’s the lesser of the drugs but it affected me in such a way that I didn’t like the man I saw in the mirror. Same with the alcohol. So, I’ve decided to become sober.”
That spread a wider smile on her face. “I’m proud of you, Noah. It’s not an easy thing to overcome but to see how determined you are makes me very happy.”
I ran my hands over my thighs while standing up straighter on the couch; her positive praise made my heart beat a bit faster.
“I just want to be the healthiest I can be. Your body is a temple, ya know? It’s only been a few weeks but I can already tell a difference in the way I sing.”
“That’s exceptional, Noah. I’m happy to hear that. It’ll help the course of your life. But I must ask, do you feel it’ll leave a part of you open and willing to accept the love you think you deserve?”
I pursed my lips. “What do you mean?”
“Well, as you mentioned previously, it sounds like Y/N has had some complicated relations with a man who was in a state of addiction. Do you feel that maybe, a part of your being sober can help you leave that part finally open? Allow you to see that you can be loved.”
When I remained silent, letting her words rest in my mind, Dr. Poulos shut her notebook and set it on the table between us; next to one of those sand zen garden things.
“What you're doing with Bailey and hiding your true feelings for Y/N doesn't seem to be helping, right?”
I shook my head with a long sigh. “I never meant for things to go this far.”
Dr. Poulos leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees, stippling her fingers.
“Has Y/N ever given you a reason to doubt the things you say to her?”
“No. Never,” I answered without missing a beat.
“Then what’s stopping you from telling her how you feel?” She brushed a strand of brown-graying hair from her eyes.
With Dr. Poulos’ words replaying in my mind, I sat down on the steps of her office while clicking on Bailey’s contact name on my phone. As it rang, I tapped my fingers on my knee to drum a random beat.
“Hey, it’s Bailey. Leave me a message!’
Cursing to myself, I wished that she had answered because I didn’t want to do this with her voicemail but I had no other option. This needed to be done.
“Bailey, it’s me- Noah,” I sighed while pinching my eyes shut. “Listen, I didn’t want to do this over text or on your voicemail. But I thought it best you hear me say this. I wanted to discuss it with you the other day but shit came up.”
My eyes watched as a few people walked past on the sidewalk in front of me.
“Look, I never wanted to hurt you, you’re a nice girl but this-us-isn’t working for me. I’m-I’m sorry if this hurts you. Truly. I’m not good at words all the time but I will say that I wish you the best and I hope you have a nice life.”
After hanging up, I could physically feel the weight lift off my shoulders and heart. Breathing was easier and lighter, so with this newfound feeling, I quickly dialed Y/N’s number.
“Mochi!”
I could hear the smile in her voice.
“Hi, angel. Are you busy?” I asked while rising from the steps to walk a few steps to my car that was parked in the street.
“I’m walking into an appointment right now. Can I call you later?”
Ignoring the way my heart dropped, I started my car and sat there for a moment.
“Of course. I’ll be in the studio but I’ll always answer for you.” My hand ran over the steering wheel.
“So sweet,” Y/N chuckled and my stomach fluttered. “There’s a reason why I gave you that nickname.”
We quickly said our goodbyes and my mind was filled with the heavy conversation I needed to have with Y/N. I didn’t even realize the familiar figure bounding up the steps of the same office I left mere minutes ago, her yellow sundress flowing in the wind.
READER
My eyes were trained on the small sand zen garden on Dr. Poulos’ table as she tapped her pen against the notebook in her lap. The clock ticked annoyingly loudly behind her, almost mocking me as I continued to leave her question unanswered.
“Y/N,” Dr. Poulos’s voice was firm, breaking me from my trance. “You mentioned your mother contacted you the other day?”
I played with the hem of my yellow sundress. “Uh, yeah. She doesn't do it often but when she does, she really lets her feelings known.”
“And what are those feelings?”
“The same bullshit. My mom doesn’t agree with the lifestyle I’ve chosen. She thinks it's a waste of time,” I shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. “It’s who she is. Being Greek, I was raised to have large but realistic dreams. My father on the other hand wanted and still wants me to follow my heart, he wants me to go after what I want, what I need. There’s a line between both of them.”
“You know,” Dr. Poulos tucked a strand of her brown-graying hair behind her ear. “There’s a study that says insecure attachment styles can develop as a result of poor parenting. Research indicates that attachment in childhood affects the development of familial, social, and romantic relationships later in life. Do you feel this has deeply affected or influenced your relationships?
I pursed my lips. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’ve had a pattern of falling for men who aren't good for you yet believing they are real love when you know subconsciously you deserve better.”
“Maybe,” the word trailed off my lips, uncertainty weighing heavy on my heart.
Dr. Poulos hummed, crossing one leg over the other. “It sounds that way, doesn’t it? Are you running from Noah because you’re afraid you’ll disappoint him? Afraid he’ll do what your mother often does? You’ve seen the way your parent's marriage was like growing up, that has to be a hindering factor, doesn't it?
My jaw ticked. “My mother was unfair to my father. I’d never do that or treat anyone that way.”
“I know you won’t, Y/N. You know it yourself, deep down in your heart,” she patted a hand over her own heart. “Because from what you told me about Noah, I don’t believe that he would act the way your mother has. You won’t disappoint him. And he doesn’t want to do that to you either.”
I shook my head widely. “He’s with someone else so it doesn't even matter.”
A small smile lifted at the corner of her lips. “Quite the contrary, Y/N. You said it earlier you wanted to tell him the truth. He isn’t your mother and again, from what you’ve told me it sounds like you both may want the same things. You’re just not trusting yourself. You’re relying on your trauma and issues with your mother to get in the way.”
“Wow, nice observation,” I snorted. “How am I supposed to fix that?”
Dr. Poulos ignored my snarky attitude. “If your mother has been unreliable, then you may need to lean on other people who are for support. Socializing with friends and learning to be vulnerable with others can help increase emotional connection.”
“Malcolm and Chase are reliable,” I stated.
“It sounds like it, from what you’ve told me,” she nodded. “There’s also Noah. His support can take some time to develop but having stable relationships with others can be part of healing. And most of all, self-care.”
I left therapy with a hopeful heart and bright smile. Dr. Poulos always knew what I needed to hear as much as I tried to fight it. Peaking down at my phone, my pulse quickened when I noticed a missed text from Noah.
Mochi 🍡: New episode of Attack on Titan dropped. I can pick up lunch. Your place or mine?
Giggling, I typed out my response, not letting anything ruin this euphoric high I felt.
NOAH
I stood outside Y/N’s front door, shaking out the nerves, and knocked on it. I had a bag of take-out food in my hand, something she requested from her favorite burrito place.
“Hi,” she smiled while letting me in. “Did you remember the Dr. Pepper?”
I chuckled while holding up the cup. “Light ice.”
As we set out the food on the table in their dining room, I motioned towards the various easels and splattered pain on the carpet. “Studio?”
“Yeah,” Y/N gave a sheepish smile. The lighting in here is better than my bedroom; although not by much.”
I took in the various paintings of abstract lines and colors, some of random landscapes, and one of Salem.
“These are really good, angel.”
“I’m glad I decided to do this. Painting has been a great way to escape from reality, even for a little bit,” she took a bite of her burrito. “Oh, extra guac? How’d you know?”
I shrugged. “I just do.”
We ate in silence for the next few long moments and as much as I tried to quiet the loud voices in my mind that screamed at me to tell Y/N the truth right now, it was extremely difficult.
My eyes took in the glimmer of her bracelet as she reached for the chips and I couldn't stop the smile that spread wide to my lips. Y/N was still wearing the jewelry I bought her and it made me feel proud.
“Where’s Chase and Malcolm?” I asked, noticing the quiet.
Y/N took a large drink of her soda, reveling in the taste. “Hiking. They left earlier this morning and typically don’t come back till later. So I have the place to myself.”
Just as I was about to speak, a persistent knock sounded on the front door, and she turned towards it with a confused stare.
“Expecting anyone?”
She shook her head. “Nope. Probably someone selling Girl Scout cookies.”
“If they have Thin Mints, I’ll take four boxes,” I called after Y/N.
Her laugh echoed throughout the room but soon seized when she opened the door. I noticed the way her body went rigid and I slowly rose in time to see a tall but petite brunette all but push her way inside.
“Hi, koukla. I would have texted or called but it seems like you have an issue with checking your phone,” the lady peered around the space, a sour look on her lips.
“Mo-mom? What are you doing here?”
Shit.
I knew there was a history with Y/N’s mom but never knew how deep it ran.
“I was in town and thought to surprise you. Since you never talk to me anymore,” her mom tsked.
Finally, her eyes landed on me, standing in the threshold of the living room and dining room; gaze hardening.
“Who’s this?” She asked Y/N.
Internally I snorted at how she asked Y/N rather than asking me.
“I’m Noah,” I introduced myself while brushing away the strands from my face.
Her mom hummed before nodding towards the back end of the house. “Give me and my daughter some privacy.”
“Mom!” Y/N seethed.
Noticing how the tension shifted, I gave Y/N a soft smile. “It’s alright. I’ll go say hi to Salem.”
With my back to them, I walked down the hall and heard her mom mutter something in Greek.
“Giatí échei makriá malliá?”
“Eísai apísteftos,” Y/N responded in a stern voice.
Sitting in the Y/N’s bedroom with Salem perched on my lap, I left the door wide open so I could listen in on the conversation. It may have been wrong to eavesdrop but something deep inside of me told me to be on edge, just in case.
“You should have called, Mom,” Y/N said.
“You never return my calls.”
“Gee, I wonder why. You exactly haven’t been that peachy the last few times we’ve talked.” I could hear the slight edge in Y/N’s voice.
“I thought I’d told you I don’t appreciate the way you speak to me.”
“It’s a two-way street, Mom. You get what you give.”
Salem purred loudly in my lap and I continued to scratch him in the spot I knew he loved; between his ears.
“I’ve always hated when your father used that line,” her mother sighed.
Someone was pacing, their footsteps echoing loudly down the hall, and I peered down at Salem.
“Your mom seems pretty upset right now,” I frowned at the feline.
His bright green eyes stared back at me, simply demanding one thing silently; more pets to which I obliged.
“Have you been to the doctor lately?”
“Since when do you care, Mom? You never ask how I’m doing.”
Salem jumped off of me when I slowly rose to my feet, deciding that I needed to be closer to Y/N, just in case.
“I know how bad Endometriosis affects you, Y/N. I’m simply wondering.”
I could almost hear Y/N roll her eyes as I neared the end of the hallway, out of sight but could still see just enough. Y/N stood with her hands on her hips while her mom sat comfortably on the couch.
“I’m fine.” Y/N kept her answers short.
Her mother pursed her lips. “And how’s the career?”
Now it was my turn to roll my eyes at the way she said career.
Y/N snorted. “Please, like you give a shit.”
“Watch your language!”
“You’ve never supported me with my music. Hell, with any of my dreams. So don’t start acting like you give a shit now.
Her mom rose to her feet, narrowing her gaze. “That’s not true. I only want what’s best for you, Y/N. You don’t want to end up like your father and be stuck.”
“He wasn’t stuck,” Y/N scoffed while clenching her fists.
Her mother clicked her tongue while brushing away Y/N’s hair from her face. “Yes, sweetie, he was. And I’m telling you, no man will want to deal with someone that’s always on the road. What man is going to wait around or understand this lifestyle? What future are you gonna have?”
My jaw clenched at hearing those words because I knew it wasn’t true. There was a man who wanted Y/N; me. I would wait for years if I had to. Whenever she was ready, I’d be here.
But hearing how her mom talked to her made me realize that there was a reason why Y/N never spoke of her and why she was so apprehensive of any future relationship.
“We’re not talking about this,” Y/N stepped away from her mom to stand on the other end of the couch, giving more space between them.
“Once again, you’re avoiding a tough subject. I didn’t raise you this way,” her mother chastised.
Y/N’s jaw dropped. “Raised me? Are you fucking kidding me? You barely were home, too busy focusing on your career leaving Dad home to raise me!”
I smirked at hearing Y/N mock her mother in how she said career moments before.
“Your father was always your favorite. But it was me you stayed with after the divorce!” Her mother's voice was raised.
Fearing this would end in such a bad way, I pulled my phone to send a text to Chase.
Me: Y/N’s mom is here and I’m afraid shit is about to hit the fan. What should I do?
His response came almost immediately.
Chase: Fuck. Whatever you do, Noah. Don’t leave. Stay until we get there. Every time her mom either contacts her or shows up, Y/N goes into a dark place. Malcolm and I are leaving right now and should be back in an hour.
I swallowed thickly as my stomach dropped. If the guys were worried about Y/N’s mom being here, it could only mean one thing.
Disaster.
“I stayed with you because you made me feel guilty!” Y/N choked on a sob. “For years I wondered why I didn’t feel a connection with you so I thought staying with you would bring us closer. But instead, you dropped the you’re adopted bomb on me; on my birthday!”
Her mother had the audacity to shrug.
“You probably would have found out eventually. I simply sped up the process.”
Y/N shook her head. “You’re unbelievable.”
“Because I tell the truth? You think people are going to stay with you with the lifestyle you’ve chosen?”
“Oh, gods, we’re back on this again?” Y/N ran a hand through her hair. “I have a lot of people that support me.”
“Who? Your friend?” Her mom pointed a firm finger towards the hallway where I was still hiding around the corner. “Do you think he is going to wait around?”
For years if I have to.
“No. No one will, Y/N. You’re like your father with these pipe dreams.”
“Pipe dreams? I didn’t realize wanting a family was a pipe dream,” Y/N spat.
Her mother gave her a somber smile, clicking her teeth. “Kouklamou, I thought we talked about this. You can’t have a family, not the traditional way anyway. You need to realize that no man is going to want to go through all that trouble to have a child. It’s not worth it.”
Y/N and I both flinched at the same time, those words almost verbatim with what Trey used to say to her. There I stood, my fists clenched by my sides, I rolled my shoulders back, glaring towards the petite brunette with dark eyes.
I was feeling triggered while I observed this entire thing; it felt intrusive at first but now feels like I’m behind fifty feet of glass.
It made sense now, why this loving bond between Y/N and I was inaccessible. In this mode, I had to take great care not to damage these bonds of love, this relationship, this friendship, and this woman in front of me, who very early on became everything to my heart and soul. For in time, the glass disappeared and my love returned stronger.
I understood.
From my corner, I could see how the kitchen table had seen every emotion, from the sweet silent happiness of family times, when the only sound is contented enjoyment, to the rage that bursts out in the hard times; I understood.
I refused to stand there and let it sour, not to her. Never to her.
Sobs played like a sad tune and I noticed Y/N was crying, hastily whipping away the tears.
“I can’t believe I continue to let you in my life, knowing how you’ll treat me. Girls are supposed to look up to their mothers as idols, to learn from them how to be mothers. But you’ve shown me how not to treat my kids in the future.”
“We’ve talked about this, Y/N. The chances of you becoming a mother are not in the cards for you. Neither is this musical career. You need to face reality.”
Fuck this.
As I stepped into view of them, Y/N pointed to the front door. “I don’t need you to come in here and tell me how to run my life, I’m done with this.”
“Y/n-.”
“You heard her,” I spoke while standing next to Y/N, immediately wrapping my arm around her shoulder to pull her into my chest.
My heart broke at how quickly she grasped onto my shirt, not wanting me to let her go.
“Excuse me? This is a private matter between my daughter and me. This doesn't concern you,” her mom’s eyes sliced into me.
“It does. Because it’s Y/N.”
Her mom’s gaze bounced between the two of us, almost waiting for Y/N to object to my words, but instead, she stood firm, sniffing away her tears.
“You need to leave.”
With one final glare, Y/N’s mom snatched her purse off the couch while muttering something Greek under her breath before she slammed the door behind her; all the negative energy leaving in waves.
“Y/N,” I tried to make her look at me but she kept her head cast down.
“I can’t, Noah,” she cried.
I lifted her chin with a firm finger and sucked in a breath as broken, bloodshot eyes stared back at me.
“Don’t ever hide from me, angel. You know that.”
Y/N kept her gaze firm on my face. “She does this every time. I don’t know why I continue to let her. I’m just a girl who wants her mother's love, is that so wrong?”
“Angel,” I murmured while pulling her into my embrace, brushing a kiss across her forehead.
NOAH
My fingers drummed against the marble counter in front of me while Davis set out various ingredients. We were currently streaming the two of us cooking BLTs, something for the fans to enjoy and watch. I was reading some of the comments, smiling at a few then cringing at some others.
Davis handed me a block of cheese. “Cut this up for me, would ya?”
With it in one hand, I playfully spit on my hand before giving it a nice smack.
“Hm, imagining that someone's ass?” He smirked under his breath.
I gave him a light shove. “Fuck off.”
We spent the next long while goofing off and having fun for the stream. It was nice to let my mind focus on something else besides Y/N and her mom. I spent the rest of the night at her place, holding her in my arms as she cried herself to sleep. The familiar scent of her lingered on me as I tucked her softly in her bed. Before I walked out of her house, I ran into Chase and Malcolm, whose parting words stuck with me all day.
“She needs you more than she’ll admit. It may not seem like it but she does.”
Y/N texted me this morning to thank me for being there for her and say that if she went M.I.A for a while today, it’s only because Hollow Souls were in the studio recording. I didn't ask how she was feeling after the surprise visit from her mom. Y/N would tell me, if she wanted to, when she was ready.
“Alright, let’s read some comments,” Davis suggested as we finished up the cook-off; me winning.
He held Max in his hands, every so often giving him kisses. As I read a few comments out loud and responded, the dog practically begged me for attention when a familiar username appeared on the screen.
Y/NHollowSouls: Noah Sebastian, I swear to Hades himself. You kiss Max right now or I’ll come over there and kick your ass.
I laughed while shaking my head. “Alright, Max. Come here! Let me give you some love.”
I scratched the dog's ear while leaving a soft kiss on his nose then looked back to the computer screen to see Y/N leave another comment.
Y/NHollowSouls: Good, that’s better. Now I need to taste this famous BLT that won.
“Then get your ass over here. Bring some coconut water because Noah drank the last one,” Davis said once he read the comment.
My heart began to beat widely in my chest at the thought of seeing Y/N again.
Y/NHollowSouls: fuck yes. Noah, have that sandwich ready for me.
We ended the stream shortly after that but my eyes lingered on the black screen for a long moment. Davis immediately picked up on my quiet mood and knocked on the countertop.
“Noah?”
My name was white noise, still staring at zoning out in front of me.
“Earth to Noah! Come in Herc! Come in Herc!”
“What?” My eyes snapped over to Davis, finally breaking out of my trance.
“What I thought.” He smirks before getting serious. “Are you alright?”
I gave a weak smile towards Davis. “Yeah. I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He motioned towards the laptop. “I know you’re not actually fine right now but-.”
I ran a hand over my face, doing my best to keep my breathing calm and even. “I’ll be fine, I promise. It just fucking hurts.”
Davis shifted on his feet, hesitation clear on his face. “Why? No disrespect to Y/N at all, you know I love her-we all do. But why did you choose to stay in touch? After all the hurt you’ve gone through.”
My vision was direct with his. “Because I’d rather have her from afar to make sure she’s alright than to not have her in my life at all. Besides, she’s going through a lot of shit, something no one should go through alone. I won’t let her.”
A grin spread across his face and he nodded. “I knew it. I just wanted to hear you admit it. But you need to end this shit with Bailey.”
“I already did.”
“Fuck,” Davis’ eyes widened. “Finally. How did she take it?”
I nervously rubbed the back of my neck. “That’s the thing, she didn’t answer. I left her a voicemail.”
“A voicemail? Damn, do you think she got the message?” Davis wondered while be began cleaning up the mess.
I, instead, began making another sandwich for Y/N, knowing she’d be here soon. “I fucking hope so. If not, then she’s probably testing me to see if I’d change my mind.”
“But you won't, right?”
I snorted. “Fat chance.”
Davis turned towards me, drying his hands on a towel. “So you broke up with Bailey. What’s the next step with Y/N?”
“I need to talk to her first. There’s a lot we need to talk about,” I said while pulling out a cold can of Dr. Pepper from the fridge.
“Hey, that’s the last one,” he exclaimed.
I merely shrugged while setting a place at the kitchen table for Y/N. “It’s for Y/N.”
Davis, as much as he tried to be upset, chuckled. “In all seriousness, Noah, you know we’re here to support you. We have your back.”
I smiled at one of my best friends. “I know.”
Just then a knock sounded on the front door and before Davis could answer it, I quickly closed the short distance and opened it with a smile; only for it to drop seeing Y/N standing on the other side with a frown.
“What’s wrong?” I questioned while allowing her to step inside and led her to Davis’ kitchen.
“Chase’s birthday is on Friday and the venue I booked for it just canceled on me. Something about a pipe bursting and the room is flooded,” she exasperated while falling into the chair at the table.
“What are you going to do?” I questioned while sitting across from her.
Davis joined us at the table, taking the coconut water from Y/N with a small smile.
“Thankfully since they have to cancel, I get my deposit back but Malcolm is freaking out,” she waved her phone around. “We have two days to figure out somewhere new for this surprise party.”
“You can have it at my place,” I suggested.
Y/N took a long drink of her soda. “Are you sure? Don’t you think you should talk with the rest of the guys first?”
I snatched a chip off her plate and shrugged. “They won’t mind.”
“Sei un tesoro, mochi,” she patted my cheek.
Davis choked on his drink and my eyes snapped over to him. “I don’t want to hear it!”
He held up his hands. “I didn’t hear anything.”
Y/N smirked before taking the first bite of her sandwich and groaned. “Oh shit, this is good. No wonder you won, Noah.”
With a prideful smirk, I motioned to the rest of her plate. “Finish up. I’ll call the guys and have them meet here and we can plan Chase’s party.”
At one point, Davis left to take Max for a walk, leaving Y/N and I alone. We sat silently and enjoyed the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seemed only the old could sit next to one another, not say anything, and still feel content. The young, brash, and impatient, must always break the silence. It’s a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox.
“Oh, I never noticed the great view Davis has,” Y/N mused while pushing away her empty plate.
Realizing it was almost time for the sun to set, I quickly cleaned up for her and motioned towards the back door.
“Let’s go sit outside for a bit, yeah?” I suggested.
READER
Noah and I sat comfortably on the patio bench, a blanket draped over both of our legs as we stared out at the vast greens of Davis’ backyard. The sky was painted in bright oranges with hints of pink and purple. Silently, I thought to myself that I should have brought my art supplies, noting this would be a beautiful experience to paint.
The silence between Noah and I was comforting, something you don’t find all that often. People always needed to talk rather than just listen to the world around them. The way the birds chirped, the faint noises of evening traffic, or the sound of the wind as it blew a chilly breeze.
“Angel?”
I hummed while looking over towards Noah.
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Is there-I don’t know-anything you really want besides music right now?”
“I want a studio, with giant canvas’, paint; just an art studio galore! I’ve gotten into the hobby and love it,” I answered with a bright smile. “I was even thinking of using some of my art for the album artwork. Just playing with ideas.”
Noah’s smile matched mine as he let his hair loose from the hair tie, letting it fall to his shoulders in waves. “I love that you found something else you’re so passionate about, angel.”
“I love painting. I really do,” I leaned farther back against the couch and rested my head against it.
“So paint. You should do whatever your heart desires, Y/N.”
“Thank you, mochi” I nudged him.
Noah rested his head against the couch, inches away from mine as another thought came to mind.
“You know,” I started with a long sigh. “When I was a kid, I would have given anything to be exactly like everybody else”
“You wanted to be petty and dishonest?“ He joked.
“Not everyone is like that,” I defended with a shake of my head.
“Yes they are,” Noah retorted back. “But not you. You’re not like that.”
This had me sitting up straighter, Noah following me. “How do you know what I’m like?”
“I see you,” He shifted closer to me, hand brushing across my knee over the blanket. “I’ve seen you for a long time. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met”.
My heart beat widely in my chest, the noise deafening in my ears and I cleared my throat.
“I think you are too. If I’m being honest, I think I’ve always sorta known that,” I admitted.
“You know,” Noah’s hand rested on my knee. “With me bouncing between homes and couches growing up, I always thought I’d be alone. I’d never expected to have such an amazing group of friends.”
“Sometimes maybe it’s better to be alone,” I shrugged while looking past his shoulder to an older couple watching in the neighborhood.
“Why do you say that?”
I still kept my gaze off Noah, voice dropping low. “Nobody can hurt you.”
“Y/N,” Noah sighed and lifted my chin so I could meet his intense gaze. “I would never, ever hurt you.”
Those eyes. I’ve dreamed of those eyes almost every night since our first meeting so long ago. I won’t say I’m in love, not out loud, but I am. I came to terms with that a while ago.
“I know, mochi,” I finally whispered.
Noah’s thumb traced over my jawline. “I understand why it’s hard for you, Y/N. But know that when I’m with you, I don’t feel alone.”
That magnetic pull that always seemed to connect us with that invisible string made me lean closer to him needing his warmth to envelop me.
“I’ve never had this instant connection with anyone. I know you understand it too,” he continued.
With my continued silence, Noah sat up straighter but kept his grip on my chin. “Are you freaked out? Because not hearing you say anything kind of-.”
“Noah- no,” I rested my hands on his chest. “I feel it too.”
His hand grasped the back of my neck now, tilting my head up towards him, as we began to lead in closer, and when his warm breath fanned over my lips, I let my eyes flutter shut.
“Hey guys-oh shit.”
Quickly pushing away from Noah, I peered over my shoulder to see Malcolm leaning against the back door.
“We’re all inside ready to talk about the party. Whenever you two decide to grace us,” Malcolm winked before slipping back inside.
Clearing my throat, I let the realization sink in what Noah and I were about to do. He’s with Bailey and I was ready to kiss him. I’m not this kind of person but yet here I was again being caught between him and my conscious. Bailey, as intrusive as she was, didn’t deserve this.
Noah tried to bring me back to him but I quickly stood up, giving us more space.
“We can’t do this. Not again,” my hair shook widely around my shoulders. “It’s not fair to Bailey.”
“I ended it.”
I blinked. “Wha-Oh? You did?”
As ecstatic as I was hearing this, I did my best to hide it. I didn’t want Noah to know inside I was jumping for fucking joy; like a kid on Christmas that received the toy they’d been wanting.
Noah stood from the couch now, standing in front of me. “I think Bailey saw me as Noah on the big screen, not me the person and after everything at that dinner I just knew it was time.”
“I’m-I’m sorry,” I stammered, not knowing what else to say.
His brows furrowed. “Why? It wasn’t serious. There wasn’t that connection; like the one we have.”
As my lips parted, it was Jesse now who interrupted us, taking a bite of the apple in his hand. “Are you guys coming or what?”
Noah cursed while running a hand through his hair and I shakily pointed over his shoulder.
“We should head inside. Talk about this party.”
Not wanting to spend another second out here, afraid to finally give in to the thoughts that were screaming at me, I gently brushed past him to return inside.
GREEK TRANSLATIONS:
Koukla-doll
Kouklamou- my doll
“Giatí échei makriá malliá?”- Why does he have long hair?
"Eísai apísteftos"-you're unbelievable
ITALIAN TRANSLATIONS:
Sei un tesoro-you're a sweetheart.
#noah sebastian#noah sebastian and reader#noah sebastian x reader#noah sebastian reader insert#noah sebastian smut#enemies to lovers#right person wrong time#starcrossed lovers
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Sick - Dr. James Wilson
Pairing: Dr. James Wilson x Fem!OC
Summary: Wilson’s wife gets sick and he takes care of her.
NOT MY GIF
Wilson was happy to get off work early. Odette had called him afternoon to let him know her fever broke, easing his worries that she may have to go to the hospital. He knew it was just the flu, but even then it was always a possibility considering there had been a crazy flu spreading around.
He came home to find Odette lying on the couch with a blanket over her and their cat, Sarah, lying on her legs.
“You moved to the couch?” he asked.
“I washed the bedding,” she said, her voice stuffy.“It’s still in the dryer. I’m just too tired to deal with it.”
He hung up his winter jacket on the coat rack, placing his bag on the chair beside it. He looked down to see Sarah trotting towards him, meowing. He knelt down, picking up the ball of white fluff.
“You’re supposed to be taking care of your mother,” he cooed at her.
“She’s been an excellent nurse,” Odette remarked. “I would recommend her to Cuddy.”
Wilson placed the cat down on Odette’s legs as he sat on the ottoman across the coach. He leaned down to kiss his wife’s forehead.
“I know you said the fever’s broken but how are you feeling?” he asked, stroking her hair.
“Meh, still can’t breathe through my nose and my throat hurts,” she said. “And before you ask, I did take medicine today. I was planning on taking my last dosage before bed.”
“Good girl,” Wilson chuckled.
She licked her lips, trying to ignore how Wilson remark made her thighs clinched. Still, she wasn’t going to let him ruin her chance to get what she wanted. “Buuuut…”
“But what?”
“I will only take it if you cuddle me with me,” she smirked, eyes twinkling mischievously. “A cuddle with you in addition to my medicine will help me rest and make me feel better. So you see, Dr. Wilson, it’s medically necessary that I get a cuddle tonight.”
He chuckled. “You’ve done research on this?”
“Obviously.”
“Then I guess, because it is medically necessary, I can’t deny you.”
He kissed the tip of her nose. “Let me set up the bed. You want dinner and a shower while you wait?”
“I’m ok. I showered earlier.”
“Have you eaten?”
“Just some soup. Still hard to eat when I can barely breathe through my nose.” She threw the blanket off. “I can order you some food though.”
“Lay down, sweetheart,” he ordered, gently.
She pouted. “But you need to eat too.”
“I had a big lunch.” He got up. “Let me take care of the bed. You just lay down and relax.”
==================================
After Wilson finished setting up the bed, he changed in his McGill shirt and plaid boxers. While Odette was in the bathroom brushing her teeth, he padded to the kitchen to give Sarah her medicine and refill her food and water bowl. He also grabbed two water bottles from the fridge.
Back in the bedroom, he placed one bottle on her nightstand and the other on his.
Just as he got under the covers, Sarah jumped up and meowed at him.
“Oh, you want snuggles too?” he chuckled softly as Sarah laid on his chest, purring. His fingers stroked her white fur. “You’re just as spoiled as your mom.”
“I’m spoiled, huh?”
He looked up to see Odette grinning as she closed the bathroom door behind her. Her eyes fell to Sarah.
“Oh you’re such a sneaky girl,” she cooed at the cat, scratching her behind her ears. “You just wanted to get in on the action, huh? I can’t blame you.”
She kissed the top of the cat’s head and then went over to her side of the bed. Sarah moved off James’ chest and down to the edge of the bed.
“Thank you,” Odette giggled as she grabbed the medicine and the water bottle from her nightstand. She took the two pills and chased it down with water.
“Good girl,” Wilson remarked softly.
She turned her head, face scrunched. “Don’t start. We’re just cuddling tonight.”
“I’m just being ecouraging,” he defended playfully. “Not my fault my encouragement gets you going.”
She rolled her eyes, setting the water bottle on the nightstand. She rest the side of her face on Wilson’s chest, basking in his warmth. Wilson’s arm moved around her as he rubbed her forearm.
She hummed in delight. “Oh, I’ve been missing this,” she yawned. “How have you been enjoying the guest room?”
“I don’t know if I would say I’m enjoying it,” he said. “I sleep better when I’m with you.”
She glanced up. “You do?”
He nodded. She licked her lips, the next question already tasting like vinegar.
“Did you feel that way with your last two wives?”
She was afraid of the answer, but her desperation to know was stronger.
Wilson shook his head. “I have a level a comfort with you that I’ve never had with anyone else except maybe House. You’re a calming presence in my life. I didn’t have that with them. First wife, we were young and didn’t think it through. Second wife, I was going through the motions. With you? It’s unconditional love. It’s real, but it’s comfortable.”
His eyes met her. “It’s home.”
Tears pooled in her eyes as he kissed the top of her head.
“Third time really was the charm,” she joked.
He chuckled. “It sure was.” He glanced down. “Get some rest. The sooner you get better, the more we can do this.”
She closed her eyes as Wilson rubbed the top of her head.
She was right. Third time was the charm.
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s3 episode 23 thoughts
the previous episode was SO good. but, it is true, i was distracted by the dog. it was SUCH!! a perfect episode. EXCEPT for that one thing. so i hope that today, i can face this episode with a clear head, free of judgement based on the fate of little dogs.
well, boy, i did face this episode with a clear mind, and wow. wowza. another AMAZING ep... and i will keep the angst from this episode in my heart forever and bottle it and take a nice long swig when i need my msr feels, which is basically always. wow. an exclamation point doesn't even feel APPROPRIATE, it just needs to hang in the air for a bit. (wiping tears away) wow....
let us go back to yesterday's notes, which shall commence below:
reading the episode description... so this one features murders linked to a device that alters television signals… huh. man, too many people i know don’t even have cable anymore. this simply would not work in the modern era. imagine if hulu or tubi or something made you kill people though lmao that would be silly to imagine.
we open with a guy digging a hole in the woods. always a promising start. seems he’s in an orchard of some sort? and the music is very very creepy.
okay, so just as you suspect, this dude is burying a dead guy. sometimes your gut instinct is correct and tropes are not meant to be subverted. but the dude who is burying him says “your killing days are OVER” so is this actually a justice arc??? hmm. it is not clear. man, it would be hard to dig a hole like that.
shovel murder man is at home washing the blood off. but then someone else approaches him and he kills THAT GUY TOO WITH THE SHOVEL?? huh? what is going on.
police at da guy’s house. everyone has the same face as the dude he just killed??? so they tase him. and then the faces go back to their REAL faces. now what is going on here!!!!!!!!!!
as the real faces return, the man realizes he killed someone named sarah!!! and he seems sooo upset by the fact that he killed sarah!!!! poor sarah :(
so does the tv make you see other people’s faces on the bodies of random people….? omg that’s insidious...
we now shift to a different scene, one where mulder is sitting in his car at 2 am. doing what???? waiting for some guy!!! he was waiting TWO HOURS for this guy!!! who is this guy...? it's giving blind date/drug deal.
the man who enters his car gives him a newspaper clipping about the murders we just saw. and mulder came here after getting AN ANONYMOUS EMAIL in the middle of the night??? this is crazy because literally so many people want him dead and this would have been a very easy way to accomplish that goal. wow. seriously, no self-preservation instincts on this guy.
mystery man says he has no obligation to explain what is going on, but if mulder walks away from it, more people will die. so no pressure!! xx
cutscene to a hospital, where mulder is watching our murderer through glass, while scully comes in saying that she is sorry she is late, but “the beltway was a parking lot”. beltway refers to interstate 495! thank you wikipedia i love your services!
murderer is named joseph. and he claims to have been killing the same guy over and over again, and that he wouldn’t die. which seems pretty awful.
OH! and the week before, in the same town, a babysitter attacked the kids she was watching because she thought they were WOLVES??? omg that is horrific??
they’re talking to the physician, dr. stroman, who says perhaps this was provoked by amphetamine abuse. then joseph starts SCREAMING. he sees a guy on the TV- miriskovic- sorry y’all idk my post-soviet history 💔 (update: i googled it, i don't even think that guy was real because all the results are links to wikis on this specific episode... reveals how little i truly know)
anyway, seeing that guy's face on the TV seems to have triggered the screaming situation. does he have trauma from the country he used to live in and seeing references to it makes these things happen…? that would be a wild episode. put me in the writer's room and let me cook.
scully quickly picks up on the fact that this case is Weird, and mulder admits it came from some random guy, which makes her suspicious. but they go to the crime scene, and, like always, he lifts the crime scene tape up over her head, and it’s very charming despite the lack of sensibility in going down this whole rabbit hole.
the minute they get in, they hear screaming and a gunshot! but it’s just some kids watching TV??? eating popcorn in a crime scene??? LMAO WHAT?
mulder kicks them out and scruffs one of the boy’s heads... ohhhh he needs to be a father so bad huh... like i have been saying this since s1 he just has a Need to tease and spoil children. well, we can unpack that another time. there's crime afoot.
so he watches the tv and it starts to go all static-y because a guy outside is fixing the wires. scully finds a TON of tapes and they’re just shelves and shelves of cable TV shows!!!
“there must be hundreds of videos here”, she says, to which he asks “anything good?” <- idk why this made me giggle. it sounded like he was gonna put one in and chill for a bit lmao
scully starts to wonder if seeing the cable news, like joseph had recorded, was what triggered his episode back at the hospital. ooooh! a theory!!!
cut to mulder watching a tape in the bed of his motel, making an absolute pile of sunflower seeds- this dude is gonna attract mice or something someday omfg- and also he has a cola which is peak american culture. LMAOOOO he has a HUGE pile of tapes on the floor i’m crying... my type A self could NOT deal with him!
he says he watched 36 hours of bernard shaw and bobbi batista and is now also ready to kill someone as scully welcomes him into her room, which also has cola but is much more nicely organized! she found something weird on the tapes from late april, each a night when he committed a murder
AND WHY DID MULDER GET ALL COZIED UP ON HER COUCH?????? hooooooly fuck i have never seen such a baby girl of a man
OMFG??? all the reports from the murder nights feature that miriskovic guy!!!
so did seeing violence make him violent? mulder says no, and that theory assumes that “americans are just empty vessels, ready to be filled with any idea or image that’s fed to them like a bunch of pavlov dogs, and go out and act on it” oh if only this man could see the news lately……… insert ben affleck smoking a cigarette image here to describe the things we see in our current age. mulder you would not believe.
he’s really bashing her theory, but she’s saying maybe he was high and seeing these things sent him on a spiral- makes sense to me
he is leaving to go get some sleep (after admitting he can’t explain what is going on!!! which always endears me) but scully says she is going to watch the rest of the tapes… a herculean task for our girl
middle of the night and it’s still tape time for scully, but she hears the phone ringing. she hears mulder having a conversation. and he says “no, she doesn’t” which is weird… that is suspicious… what doesn't she...
scully chews her ice which is so funny because me too sometimes. she has chewed all of her ice and must fetch more. and get a cola ofc!!! nothing more american than a cold soda iktr!
but she sees mulder in his car??? lighting up with cig man???? HUH??? and handing over a tape? omfg this is crazy. i assume she is hallucinating though, because no way….
cutscene to a lady named helene watching “the price is nice” (lmaooo) and washing some dishes. but the soap in the dishes starts to look funny- and everything is glitching around her!!! she sees a man outside in a hammock… kissing a woman!!! and oh, she is furious!! she gets her SHOTGUN?? this has escalated very fast. and we hear some shooting!!!
scully is still very visibly disturbed. mulder is reporting the murder, but she seems like a shell of herself. she checks the ash tray in the car, and there is no ash… she notices the car has been moved and he says he got a paper…. why do you ask…. “nothing. it’s nothing” OHHH THIS IS JUICY
so the crime scene has a very bloody hammock. and a dead man, who the wife claims he saw in the hammock with a blonde. but the only other creature at the scene was a dog!!!
OH!!! the hammock man wasn’t even helene's HUSBAND??? this really is LAYERED!! she killed the NEIGHBOR thinking it was her husband, who wasn’t even in town!!!!!! how do you mess this up so badly?
despite the fact that scully is clearly suspicious of mulder, she is sharing the umbrella with him in their usual fashion, and the sense of tension this produces is delicious
they go to investigate the crime scene and mulder finds some sort of bike and immediately climbs upon it while proclaiming that television does NOT cause violence (LMAOOO HE IS SO WEIRD i need him.)
they find a bunch more tapes and AGAIN the same guy is messing with the cables outside while they're investigating!!!! mulder is in chase mode!!!! but he cannot chase this dude in the van!!! no man, even a track star such as him, can outrun a van carrying secrets!
scully is trying to fast forward the TV and she looks out to see mulder climbing the pole…. average day for a man like him. he finds a weird cable scrambler in there. she wants to send it to the crime lab, but he says he’ll do the analysis, and she should go interview helene the murderer. OH... she is so suspicious, she just wants to go home…. scully :((( mulder is deeply confused as to why she is being so weird
so he takes the thingy to the lone gunmen, who say it looks like it’s used for blocking premium cable channels, which i didn’t even know was a thing, you learn so much with this show. but it doesn’t block anything!!! HOWEVER, if you compare a tv with the machine and one without it, the one with the machine is slightly different. hmm...
“you know how television works?” “yeah, you click it on, you have a picture” <- the man who said that line went to oxford btw
it seems that this cable blocker thingy is adding some sort of frequency, but they can’t tell what… hmm.
mulder on the road. scully calls and only asks “where are you” in this very flat and creepy tone and OH i’m scared!!!!
he tries to explain that there is some sort of signal being introduced to the tv- he even says she might be right about the tv inducing violence theory! but she isn’t answering… she hears a clicking, like they're being listened to, and she says he never went to the detective…. let’s wait and talk on a landline, he says.
despite being in his car many miles away, he can tell that there is something very wrong with scully. he says don’t go anywhere, he’ll be right there, and redials after she hangs up. it's very much echoing when she said something similar to him in his crazed gargoyle quest.
but she is so scared, she rips the phone out of the wall and takes it apart!!!! and then the lamp too, and the table. she is checking everything for any sort of bugs!
holy hell, we have never seen her like this before... but i’m actually gagged because she is usually relatively stoic and seeing her paranoid is so different, but it also feels very natural??? she is acting her ass off here as she rips up everything in this motel room. big shoutout to GA, i love your work.
and the static that set in helene's vision earlier is setting in hers now!!! she hears a car pull up and drops to the floor…. she hears a man say “she’s in here” and a pounding on the door.
OMFG someone tries to open the door and she FIRES 4 SHOTS RIGHT AWAY??? but it’s mulder!!!!
(author's note: i was thinking after i finished the episode, and we know that she is a good shot- remember how she hit just the right angle to knock mulder out but not kill him at the end of s2? so she is either SO out of it that she cannot even aim straight, or there is a tiny tiny tiny part of her that still thinks that mulder isn't worth killing. please mull over which option brings you greater angst)
he’s coming in with his gun and his hair is blowing in the wind and he can’t FIND HER!!!!! it was really very dramatic. hair blowing in the wind has this effect.
cutscene to scully’s mom’s house, and we see a picture of young scully on the table... AWW stop she’s so cuuuute and one of missy as well 😭😭😭
OH! it’s mulder on the phone calling mrs. scully in the middle of the night!!! NOOOO he has to tell her that he doesn’t know where she is :( NOOOO poor mrs. scully has gone through too much. he feels SO bad breaking this news, that he even apologizes for hanging up right away, something he never ever does. he must be in deeeep distress to do such a thing.
and why does he hang up?? because SKINNER IS HERE!!! he’s leading a manhunt for scully, and mulder is saying she shouldn’t be hunted like a convict… but skinner says dude SHE FIRED FOUR ROUNDS AT YOU AND SOME RANDOM GUY last night!!!!
despite this, mulder insists that he can get her to listen to him if they just keep her safe; she’s suffering from some sort of paranoid psychosis. skinner is being quite patient as he tries to explain that the video tapes made her do it. skinner says well... you better find her before these guys do.
GASP!!! he’s putting up the x on his window! and doing that thing where he bounces his basketball because he cannot relax!!! stop i'm emotional!!!!!
the lone gunmen call to say they found something on the tape…. and it induces electrical activity…. MIND CONTROL???
but why wasn’t he effected?
! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! HE’S RED-GREEN COLORBLIND???? THIS IS AN INSANE LORE DROP TO GIVE NEARLY 4 SEASONS IN??????
wait, is this just for plot purposes, or is DD actually colorblind and they decided to roll with it? because now i’m gonna be looking at all the red-ish things we see on screen (like his tie he is grabbing to emphasize his point) and wonder, can he see that? how does this impact his tie selection process....
okay that really threw me off guard. man, i was getting to think we'd never get another lore reveal, which is a shame because i quite like formatting those facts in that way. good to know we could get more at anytime!
he gets a phone call from maryland state police. the lone gunmen ask if she’s okay and he says no, he has to go and ID the body. WHAT!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! he is trying to keep composed. holy fuck………..
(heavy breathing as i grab your shoulder and squeeze) hey man. hey. he was trying so hard to be strong.
so he pulls up to the morgue and stops before he gets out of the car, and holds his head above the wheel STOP I’LL CRY???? i’ll cry… what are they putting him through??? losing her again……..
(i mean i have SEEN gifs of scully in seasons past this one, so i know she's gonna pull through, but HE doesn't know that, and must be reliving the worst days of his life AGAIN, and aughhhhh!)
but the mystery guy from the start of the episode that give him the info on the muders pulls up and says get in right now!!!!!! mulder is furious, he says he’s busy. in a shocking display of insensitivity, mystery man says he does not give a fuck. mulder is yelling that this is all his fault. mystery man says “they” are destroying the evidence, and they’ll finish it by tomorrow if he keeps searching for her, but he kicks the door shut and ignores him.
(omg…. he loves her enough to break him out of his bloodhound mode… the dogged ahab-like quest for answers and revenge… i’m getting flashbacks to his conversation with missy in one breath…….. realizing he needs to put the ones he loves before his need for revenge sometimes..... wow)
so he walks into the morgue, and the dude in there says they found a body nude and shot in the forehead.
he closes his eyes to try and brace himself before taking a peek, to prepare to see her lifeless, probably reliving those many hours by her bedside when she was in the hospital, trying to imagine her shot in the forehead, the scully he knows and loves with her dry humor and her teasing smile and caffeine dependency, the her that is so full of life, lifeless…
but it isn’t her. PHEW!
despite this being good news that he has to share- she's not dead! her mother isn’t answering her phone…. so he goes to her house. and i'm thinking, oh my gosh, did she do something rash in her grief?
but mrs. scully answers the door and claims dana isn’t here. he bursts in and says he needs to see her right now. omg, he saw right through her lies.
(also, it always feels weird to refer to her as dana, but moving on)
NO!!!! she has him at gunpoint and says he’s here to kill him!!! poor guy looks so flabbergasted… and her mom is trying to get her to please put down the gun, and he’s trying to explain what is going on!!! he is so singularly locked into her….
“he’s lied to me from the beginning. he’s never trusted me” “scully, you are the only one i trust” AUGHHHHH (rips my clothes off of my body in biblical levels of grief)
“you’re one of the people who abducted me” AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (rips off not only my clothing but also my hair as i experience emotions that rival what job from the bible went through)
she’s CRYING, and saying he killed her sister while her mom gets between him and the gun… and she’s saying she knows she’s safe here, that’s why she came here, and to put the gun down. and she falls into her mother’s arms sobbing.
WHAAAAAAAAT. and he had to watch all that… oh my scully oh my goodness my poor scully…
timeskip a little bit. he shows up to the hospital where scully is with her mother, and mockingly puts his hands up in surrender, because he is so STUPID and he always has to make a joke, and i love him so terribly, so so so terribly, because he loves HER.
she's laying in the bed, and he shuts off the tv and asks how she’s feeling. she says she is ASHAMED- as if being a victim of mind control was a personal failing. scully, i want to yell, you have NO REASON to be ashamed, let me take all the shame from you and carry it elsewhere. she says it was like the world was turned upside down.
and he makes ANOTHER stupid joke about the world being out to get him, and now she knows how he feels-
before leaning in and explaining how joseph, the first murderer on this case, became convinced he was killing the bosnian war criminal who people called “the modern hitler”, which was especially important to him because both of his parents survived the holocaust. hence his line about the killing days being over!!!
and helene was scared her husband would cheat on her. so somehow the TV signal turned their worst fears into a living nightmare.
OHHHH HER WORST NIGHTMARE IS HIM BETRAYING HER. HIM BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR HER GOING MISSING AND LOSING HER AUTONOMY AND MEMORIES... wails into my shirt.
(this reminds me of that episode in s2- irresistible- when we learn her biggest fear is that humans are capable of terrible horrific things and grasping to trust despite that knowledge. we’re seeing that again right here. how uncertainty seeps in)
THEY CALL HIM THE CANCER MAN!!! wow very official canon recognition of the name (yeah it’s happened before but it happened again so that is cool) anyway she says she saw him giving cancer man the tapes and reporting.
he says that maybe cancer man was behind this, but then he whispers “why don’t you try and get some rest?” and there is something in me that melts so entirely as he leaves her to sleep.
(perhaps it is the fact that hurt/comfort and whump are my favorite tropes. because is there anything more intimate than letting someone see you at your most vulnerable, and them choosing to love you at it? is there any feeling more cutting than seeing your loved one suffer and knowing you’d stop the world for an instant of their relief? the terrible desperation of both parties, the wordless connection upon recovery, someone being the last thing you see before everything fades to black and then the first person you see when you return... yeah. it’s cathartic. but also it makes me want to yell and cry. pls give me all the hurt/comfort content)
so the doctor found high serotonin levels in her that maybe can be associated with mania, but now they’re back to normal. he asks if someone in her situation would be diagnosed with amphetamine abuse, and she says no. then he quickly calls the hospital where joseph is staying… what is he cooking in there…
he wants to talk to joseph's doctor, dr. stroman, who left behind only a number from the motel…. and he had JUST checked out…. so he’s going through his stuff. and asking about his calls. and he DOES find a cigarette in his room but a lot of people smoke so… try not to jump to conclusions juni… but the cigarettes mean one thing in this show!!! was this innocent-looking doctor behind such a cruel experiment?!
he calls and has the last number the doctor called get checked from the folks at the lab… so he goes to visit the place of residence and creepy music is playing. the dude from the cable company we saw before rolls up!!! he walks right inside the house, so mulder peeks inside. it seems the people in the house set up a trap of some sort, as they are talking about “him” showing up at 7.
he bursts in after hearing gunshots and both of the men in there are dead!!! shot in the head!!!!
who is there... but X???? X says he HAD to kill those men- he just hoped mulder would get them first. and oh, mulder is YELLING AT X!!! he is letting him HAVE IT!!! he says he is a coward, he was too scared to unveil the situation with the mind control TV murders himself….. he says X NEVER risks his own life, but he sure does make him risk mulder and scully’s.
OH! he is holding X at gunpoint. all X is saying is that he failed, and that mulder needs him. so he walks out, confident he won't pull the trigger. and he doesn't.
WHAT! i need to kind of just let that sit for a second. i need to figure out this X fellow, but i get the sense i never will…. he failed… because he chose to try and save scully…….
cutscene to skinner’s office, where mulder is giving him a report. and scully walks in and says that dr. stroman DIED IN 1978!!! when skinner asks about the killer, mulder jumps in and says he remains unknown… oh, skinner is def gonna pick up on that….
so now we see X in a random back alley. getting into a car…. WITH CANCER MAN?????? X REPORTS TO CANCER MAN??? he asks if he has completed his work, and X reports that he has cleaned out all the personnel, everything is removed, but mulder still has a device. and mulder’s source has been eliminated. but the source’s source remains unknown. oh, he’s def lying through his teeth.
OOOOOOH this episode was SO good.
oh man, my brain is racing in a bunch of different directions. scully breaking down and sobbing into her mother’s arms…. scully convinced that mulder is a traitor, that he did those terrible things to her…. mulder so scared that she was gone, bouncing his basketball, getting a call from the police department that he had to go identify her… choosing her, even in what he thought was death, over following the Truth… the sick and twisted relationship he has with X, and X with Cancer Man, and Cancer Man with the world… it’s making me think of how mulder broke into his house that one time, was going to kill him over what he did to scully, and cancer man had the nerve to say he liked mulder… OOOH my brain is just racing racing racing.
poor scully… how scared she was, how horrified afterward…
other things that are on my mind, in no particular order: the bond between scully and her mother; mulder being all babygirl on that couch; mulder hopping on that bicycle and picking up some random doll from the murder victim's house; how haunting scully's voice was when she asked him over the phone where he was; their cola drinking; mrs. scully trusting mulder no matter what; how he tried to cover the grief in his voice when he told the lone gunmen he had to go identify her body; how he kicked the door shut of the mystery man, damning the investigation to pay his respects; how his head hovered above the wheel of the car before he got out to do that; how X uses and uses him to no clear end, and what is HE doing reporting to cig man, and what was that random doctor doing conducted fucked up experiments on random people; and scully's miraculously bad aim; mulder's conviction he could talk sense into her (spoiler: he could not); her shame at being convinced he had been the one who abducted her; how terrifying that must have been; and his stupid jokes when he walked into her hospital room, with the sincerity he tries so hard to outrun and outfox breaking through in his whispered why don't you get some rest?
so needless to say, i see why this one is a fan-favorite. this is certainly one i will be revisiting in the future when i need something strong. i have a million things to think over that will stick with me Forever, and i am in no rush to move on from this. in fact, i took these notes yesterday, but in the process of editing them tonight, i have decided i am not ready for the season finale and will have to save it for tomorrow because i'm still feeling So Many Things. so stay tuned to see how that goes, because whew!
#man i did all the typing of the notes yesterday but editing them took another hour today because RAHHHHH there was so much here to unpack#and i am going to KEEP unpacking it for a while#someone please give that man a child it is becoming increasingly evident he loves being around kids#let's get him to talk about his feelings first and then he can have a baby okay? one thing at a time#OHHH WHAT is this X fellow UP TO?!?!? AUGHHH i need to know#scully. my poor poor poor sweet scully. you deserve no pain and yet such pain has been inflicted upon you.#and her poor mother :( she is just the sweetest :( the pictures of dana and missy on her bedside table...#she is so loved :( and she loves mulder too which is so important :(#WAHHHH <- more crying!!!#so good. but in case you were wondering this still didn't bring actual tears to my eyes.#i guess that is just for poor little doggies getting eaten by beasts...#juni's x files liveblog#the x files#txf
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SUMMARY
The two strongest High Lords in Prythian are rarely in the same place at once, and when they are, they stay away from each other. When High Lord Celyddon and High Lord Sieffre arrive for the Autumn Equinox, young Beron Vanserra sees an opportunity to learn (or blackmail) greatness. He wants to be like them one day, but until then, he will do anything to get close to them. TL;DR - We all know getting topped would fix Beron, but what if it made him worse.
CHARACTERS: Beron Vanserra, Tamlin's Father and Rhysand's Father
AUTHOR'S NOTES
The first chapter of this fic is for @sjmvillainweek and focuses on Beron, and the two other High Lord's dynamics "Behind Closed Doors" leading up to the smut but there is technically no smut yet. The following two will be pure Kinktober. The tags will be added as the chapters go up!
TW: Blood, Violent Foreplay
READ BELOW THE CUT OR ON AO3.
“Ber, are you ready? ” The sigh from the other side of the wooden door is exasperated. “You’re going to be late! You know High Lord Sieffre never stays long. You’ll miss him.”
He looks himself in the mirror for another several minutes, adjusting his gemmed collar and his perfectly tailored coat. His shoulders have finally filled out after decades, and he swears he’s grown taller now. The notches are on the inside of the frame, and he can’t get to them to check without alerting his sister to his worries. She’ll go away sooner or later. The last thing he needs is her snooping.
His hair is tufts of close cropped auburn curls, dark red wine just like the rest of his family. He runs his pale fingers through them. I should cut it. He is not a child anymore, nearing his second century and still, the Courts won’t take him seriously. It’s hard to shine in his father’s shadow. His tail sways lazily behind him, rubies tucked into the fur and gold rings encircling the tip.
“Beeeeeeer, hurry up,” she complains in their autumnal tongue.
“Just fucking go!” Beron snaps in return.
The Fall faerie doesn’t need to see her to know that she rolls her eyes, mutters something twenty-shades of rude before storming on her way. Beatriz doesn’t have to worry. Not like he does. She has truly grown into her beauty, like when the trees that line Spring bleed into Autumn, their leaves maturing and taking on a certain richness. He’d watched her perfect her enchantments leading up to the Equinox, how to set her hair aflame without drawing directly on her magic. All eyes will be on her tonight, and he simply cannot allow that.
Beron loves her, he truly does. They were born from the same bud, but only one of them will ascend to the seat of High lord and it will not be her. Despite all beauty and showmanship, he must learn to command a room with his sheer presence.
Maybe I should grow a beard.
His reflection in the mirror quivers at the thought, and the ground beneath his feet follows. The distant sound of trees cracking and shifting, great oaks stepping aside for something greater. Beron abandons all thought, rushing to his window. The skies have begun to darken, like a storm coming, but there are no clouds. Rather, a tapestry of night crawls across his view, defying the day.
They’re coming. At the same time.
The flame in his chest flutters, kindled at the thought of entertaining both of them at once. Spring and Night—new life, and eternal darkness—always at odds, even with the passing of power. Even in the same room, they repel one another, keeping to edges and enemies, never overlapping.
High Lord Celyddon arrives from the west, mounted upon a great elk. Emerald fabrics cascade off his shoulders, a dark canvas upon which his deep golden hair rests. Atop his head, laurels held together with gold sits between his curved horns. Beron has only ever seen him radiate power. Even in his approach, the ground seems to move instead of him, as if it doesn’t dare ask its King to waste any effort. His entourage follows him, dwarfed by the sheer regality of Spring’s chosen one.
What would I do? If I had to face him? Fire does not burn stone.
The young Lord’s mind is always calculating, preparing for his ascension. It will happen, sooner rather than later, Beron just needs to bide his time and wait for the right moment. Until then, he entertains the fantasy of standing on the same dais as the other High Lords—of speaking to them as equals and then, surpassing them. The thought has him biting his lip, hiding the smile creeping onto his face. Eagerness is good. It is necessary. Power requires hunger, and Beron finds himself starving.
To the North, the star-kissed king soars. He has no wings, unlike the barbarians that live in his lands, but the skies have deemed him worthy of being close to their gods. They carry him from Night to Autumn, like a comet dancing against the darkness. He spirals down towards the leaf-covered ground, his body enveloped in dark smoke. When he lands, it rolls off him, like a hungering cloak, looking to swallow the closest living soul. High Lord Sieffre arrives alone—always alone.
Beron knows that the Night Court boasts the largest military in Prythian, and he cannot help but think there is nothing else but Darkbringers and Illyrian warriors. He has never seen the High Lord take interest in anyone; Sieffre’s presence is transactional and scarce, at best. His absence is ignored, but his presence—oh, his presence is a sight to behold.
Violet eyes flick up towards his bedroom window, and Beron steps back into the shadows. Fuck. Children are not meant to be heard or seen, but he is not a child anymore. He is too damned used to the crushing weight of his father’s disdain, he forgets what it means to claim a seat at the Lord’s table. Beron watches the Lord of Nightmares, realizing that the shadows do the opposite in the face of this faerie. They make him easier to perceive.
Sieffre’s face is made of porcelain, delicate and flawless—not a single scar or blemish, not even the grace of freckles or beauty marks—save for the purple spider of veins beneath his skin. His pallor surpasses that of the Autumn Court in leagues, so white his skin seems… translucent, and yet… and it does not take away from his beauty. His raven hair falls in waves, blending into his dark attire. He’s perfect.
The two of them, Spring and Night, are the closest thing to male divinity on this mortal plane.
His father would have his tongue for that thought, and Beron finds that he doesn’t care very much. He’ll die. Sooner than these two Lords before him.
Their eyes meet, down in the courtyard, emerald against violet, and Beron watches them carefully. His breath catches, eager to see if he will be privy to a single moment of interaction between them. It will be his precious secret, shared with them. He is a part of this moment. The High Lord of Spring dismounts, and his entourage follows suit. Beside his Great Elk, a smaller white stag carries a fail-looking Lady. Attendants help his wife down, and she takes her place beside him. Celyddon engulfs the nape of her neck with his immense hand; one wrong move, and he could snap it out of sheer entertainment. He tilts her head up forcefully, and tears a kiss from her lips, all while mocking the Night with his eyes.
The Lady of Spring simply stands there, taking what’s given—a passive tool. To stand by his side is to revel in his power, and were it Beron—
He bites his tongue. Lady Margret is his mate, a title that stands above all, except for that of a High Lord. He must tread carefully with his disdain, lest Celyddon have his tongue for the indiscretion. Mates are a fairy tale, a political ruse, he’s sure of it. A stupid ruse that binds them to weakness. What good are females, aside from their child-bearing hips? The males carry power, and were it up to him, he wouldn’t bother with the risk of power passing to the lesser sex.
No, no, were it him —whether Spring, Autumn of Night—he would elevate them to new heights. They would have to carry the burden of power alone, he would alleviate them of their woes. All they need is to choose him. His fists clench around the unspoken desire, and it tightens until the thought is gone.
High Lord Sieffre simply glances away, no additional moment wasted on the show Celyddon has put on for all Prythian, and disappears inside Beron’s home.
Beron doesn’t wait; he’s late.
***
The Equinox celebration is dizzying. Beron is sent to and fro, attending to his father’s demand of a good impression. He talks up the wives of Day, pours spiced wine for the Summer delegate and pretends to care about Dawn’s famed Tinkerer with his useless inventions. What is the use of machinery when magic exists? All he hears are crutches fabricated for the weak.
His sister has it easier, twirling in her ember dress that lights up with the proper partner. High Lord Sieffre’s impassive face never changes, even as he leads her with graceful expertise. Beatriz knows exactly when to laugh, and chooses all the perfect moments to run her fingers across his broad shoulders, or tighten her hold on his arm. Her warm brown eyes flicker to Beron’s, a perfect mirror to his. When they were young, their father couldn’t tell them apart, and they’d play tricks, letting the other take the beating on the other’s behalf.
She smiles, and his coiled tail tightens around his waist. He needs to get better at hiding his emotions, at least until he can divest himself of them completely, just like Sieffre. He’ll take all the pieces from stronger lords, and rebuild himself not in their image, but as their better.
“Beron,” his father’s voice rumbles, and Beron straightens his spine.
“Yes, father.”
“Summon, Sieffre to my study. I wish to speak to him.”
“Yes, father.”
There can only be one reason why his father would want a private discussion with the Lord of Night. Beatriz is of marrying age, still ripe, but not too young that she is a burden to her husband. High Lord Sieffre would be honoured to have someone with a flame as bright as hers, but… the love for his sister does nothing to temper his anger. When she leaves, what will he have? Nothing but a long con without the support of his twin. How dare she move on without him; their paths must branch at the same time.
Beron worries at his lip, his emotions spilling onto his face rather than his tail. Her ambition will get her killed. Father has allowed her to want more than her station. He should have been first, if only to remind Beatriz where she belongs.
He approaches his sister and the beautiful Lord. “My Lord, my father requests an audience with you. I will escort you to his study.”
Even with his eyes downcast, he can feel the weight of Sieffre’s attention on him. A shiver snakes down his spine, and he thinks nothing except hiding his eagerness. He wants more, but he is a loyal son and attends to his task.
“Very well,” answers Sieffre, his voice smooth as silk in his ears.
“I’ll join you,” Beatriz smiles at her brother, hooking her arm around Sieffre’s.
“Father did not ask for you.”
“Fortunately for you, I know where I am needed.” She tips her head. “And wanted.”
“Hasn’t anyone told you to stop listening to the voices? They aren’t real, Bea.”
If the High Lord is put off by their rivalry, he doesn’t show it. He has never s shown interest in anything. If Beatriz thinks their little dance means anything, that’s her own fault. Everything High lord Sieffre does is transactional. His attendance requires him to pay attention to her, nothing more and nothing less.
His sister talks the entire way through the Forest House, recounting its history and sparkling interesting tidbits about herself. Beatriz is smarter than most females, making sure that anything High Lord Sieffre learns about her is impressive, clever or a display of her skill. He doesn’t seem to care, and yet that does not deter her. Beron falls in step with her while leading them, amending her embellishments to include himself. The charm that has her beautiful crimson hair glowing at its tip was only finished because of him. The two of them push and pull, subtly vying for the High Lord’s attention, but Sieffre does not look at them again.
They arrive at his father’s study, and Beron announces High Lord Sieffre’s arrival. He steps aside, letting the impossibly tall high faerie past him.
“Bea,” he hisses, as she breezes into the room as well. Beatriz winks at him, then gives him a look that’s meant to reassure him. She knows what she’s doing, but he thinks she is treading a very fine line that her father would not enjoy. Beron may compete with her, but he does not wish her harm.
“You may leave, Beron.” His father drones.
The last time he’d argued against his father, the High Lord of Autumn had smacked his mouth so hard, he’d lost a tooth. It has since grown, and Beron has since learned. He nods, pulling the door shut behind him. Beatriz wiggles her fingers at him, and he bares his teeth at her. Fucking bitch.
Voices slip beneath the door, muffled by magic. Beron has long learned not to listen for words, but for tone. He leans against the wall, battling between anger and curiosity. How can he find the upper hand? Which part of his father should he twist to make him yield under his will? Could he find something on Sieffre ?
He hears nothing from the Night, only the drone of his father, and the soft song of his sister’s voice when she wants something. The discussion bounces between even-keeled and slowly builds into his father’s anger. His father’s voice booms, rattling the house, and heat seeps from the room. Palms presses against the wall, Beron can gauge the exact level of disrespect his father has experienced. Too much, but not enough to start a fight.
Even father knows when he’s outclassed, he smiles to himself.
The door opens, and Beron adjusts his posture. “Good evening,” he mumbles under his breath. Beatriz was right. High Lord Sieffre never stays long.
Beron waits a moment, then darts down a different hallway while his sister manages their father’s temper. He slips into a hidden passage, steps that deposit him directly at the foot of the Forest House. It would take Sieffre twice the time to follow the formal pathway out the House, and down the winding steps. Enemies can winnow into their territory, the problem is getting out.
He pushes the entrance open ever so slightly, peering through a crack in the stone wall.
“Aw, look who’s got his feelings hurt.” The deep baritone of Celyddon’s voice carries easily across the courtyard. He exhales a thick waft of green smoke out the corner of his mouth, and takes a drag of his cigar. “You should be happy, See. Someone wants you. You should take what you can get.”
This— this is the private interaction Beron wants to see. He hopes secrets will be spilled for him to gobble up greedily.
The High Lord of Night does not rise to the bait; he is truly a wonder, not even to waver in the face of Celyddon. He simply carries on, storming past Spring’s mocking perch, towards the edge of the grounds where he can winnow for freedom. Beron expects more mockery, and he blinks several times, when he sees the grin on High Lord Celyddon’s face. That fae does not smile. Neither of them do, yet he bares his teeth, extinguishing his cigar on his own tongue before popping it into his mouth. He chews the dried herbs, swallowing it and then follows Sieffre into the thick line of trees.
Oh, this is good. This is exactly what he wanted—to unveil a card that no one else knows.
Beron waits a few heart-flickers before pushing out of his secret hideaway, and begins to trail them.
While they make no sounds, creatures of such vast power are never fully concealed—it’s why High Lords rarely take matters into their own hands. Emissaries and spymasters are put to work; for a High Lord to move is to ask the earth itself (in Celyddon’s case) to move. His magic is easier to follow; Beron has come to recognize its flavour lingering in the air, as if the greenish tint on autumn leaves wasn’t telling enough as to where he’s been.
“You fucking disgust me,” Celyddon rumbles under the cover of the forest.
The two Lords keep moving, and Beron glances behind him. The trees—the trees are closing in. He can’t fall behind, lest they swallow him up. He stops only when they do, in a small clearing where the Priestesses perform their rituals. At the centre, a bloodstained altar awaits a sacrifice for the Mother, or any of her lesser gods.
Sieffre whirls on Celyddon, clawed hand outstretched. The Spring Lord, despite his size, sidesteps with ease, bringing both his fists down towards the Night Lord’s spine. Sieffre vanishes, like a dark cloud, and Beron has to crane his neck to try and find him. His clothes are too dark to see beneath the lightless canopy of trees, but the High Lord’s pale face is like the moon in the darkness.
The Hewnian reappears behind Celyddon, and the latter dips his head to try and gore his opponent with his horns. Neither draw blood, neither can quite put their hands on each other. Sieffre is far too agile, too slippery in his shadowy domain, and Celyddon is a bull. Those who fear his size forget his calculating mind, and those who have been terrorized by his brilliance assume he won’t rely on simple force if it pleases him.
Beron’s tail wags with muted anticipation, like a cat with vested interest. He doesn’t know who will gain the upper hand, he doesn’t know which outcome would be more terrifying. Fingers dig into the bark of a birch tree, admiring the contrast in style and in anger. Celyddon’s emotions are like battering rams, punched into the air when his rival vanishes again. Sieffre’s hate is like a dagger knife slipped easily between ribs—quiet, unexpected and efficient.
“Sieffre!” The Spring regent roars, and both the trees and the night scramble to swallow the sound.
They crash into one another, and Beron can’t see —what happened? What happened ? He leans further and further in, drinking in every move and every snap of magic whipped in each other’s direction.
Celyddon straddles Sieffre, his strong hands wrapped around that slender column of a neck. He squeezes, and yet, the Lord beneath him only laughs, a cool foreign sound.
“Tired of that docile cunt already, C?”
Lithe fingers curl around Celyddon’s ornate robes, hiking them up to reveal thick thighs—thicker than both of Beron’s legs put together. The Spring Lord shrugs the layers off with a swear; he only wears this damned outfit in the name of tradition. Beron’s breath catches, and he nearly chokes at the sight of Celyddon in all his glory. A monster of a male, with muscles rippling down his wide back, and his abdomen. He is made of earth and stone, and he is the epitome of power.
A flush colours Beron’s cheeks, and he nearly looks away, but he forces himself to focus. He might never see a sight like this again.
Sieffre digs his claws into the perfect musculature padding his ribs, and uses the new wounds as leverage to pull him down for the violence of a kiss. Beron’s not sure if he can call it kissing; it is made of teeth and growl. Crimson colours Sieffre’s thin, pale lips, and trickles down the corner of his lips. They favour devouring one another over breathing, and Celyddon is the first to break contact; Sieffre bares his teeth with a hiss, his elongated fangs glimmering in the low light.
There’s an ache between Beron’s legs, and the fire in the cage of his chest rages. He has never felt so alive, standing so close to death. Should they find him, they will tear him apart. He stands here, on the cusp of annihilation and the fear becomes inseparable from his anticipation. He palms his hardness, willing it to go down lest they scent his arousal, but… he wants to get closer. He wants to be a part of this, any way he can. Perhaps, by proximity, greatness will spill onto him. Perhaps, by virtue of what they are doing, he can drink up errant flecks of their sheer dominion.
He spots a lower bush, just three easy steps forward. The High Lords are too caught up to notice him, surely.
“Turn over,” Celyddon orders.
“Fucking coward,” Sieffre spits. “We both know you’d thrive bent over and speared onto my cock.” He curls his bloodied fingers into Celyddon’s blonde hair, pulling him in the same way Celyddon had done his wife. “ That is why you cannot be satisfied, even with your mate.” His laughter echoes around them, coming from the shadows rather than his chest.
The taunt gives Beron his opportunity to move, stepping forward—
Crack.
Beron stills.
No.
Maybe—
Maybe they didn’t hear the split of a branch beneath his all-too-heavy weight. Maybe they really are too caught up in one another to notice him. He raises his head, and Celyddon is getting to his feet, eyes searching the darkness in his direction. Sieffre is nowhere to be found.
Beron is yanked back suddenly, and slammed into the birch tree he’d hidden behind. A whimper escapes him before he can stop it. He feels the line of Sieffre’s body against his back, and his face burns with shame at getting caught. What a stupid, stupid mistake. It was a simple task: be fucking quiet. His eyes burn, but Vanserras do not cry. The tears are likely to burn up before getting anywhere significant.
“Do you like what you see?” Sieffre’s cool breath curls around Beron’s ear, warring against his natural heat. He fists Beron’s hair and makes him look. Celyddon has turned to face them now, no longer the elegant ruler that had ridden into his lands, but a brutal warrior. Blood trickles from his sides, courtesy of Sieffre, and without the clothes to mask his size, he is impossibly large. Beron’s gaze lands on his erection, just as thick as the rest of him, and standing proud against his muscular belly.
That—That can’t possibly fit in anyone.
The Night Lord huffs his amusement, and breathes in deeply. “You smell like cinnamon,” he scoffs. “Is that what I should expect with your sister? Sugar, spice and everything nice? ”
“No,” Beron breathes, his chest crushed between Sieffre and the tree trunk. “I’m—I’m better.”
Sieffre exhales from his nose, concealed laughter as he drags Beron by the hair and tosses him into the clearing.
“The fuck is this,” Celyddon demands, folding his monstrous arms over one another as he looks down at Beron.
Between the two old lords—lords who have been shaped by their Courts—Beron is tiny. They tower over him, and he realizes his mistake. He can’t reach them, he never was. It was never a question of time, or training. They are the chosen ones of their Courts, the avatars of their elements. They are so much more than rulers; they are distilled divinity. He refuses to back down; if this is as close as he will ever get to the goddess, then so be it.
“He believes Arroyo has made a mistake in his proposal.”
“Does he also think water is wet?”
“I am. I’m better than my sister, and your mate too. Anything a female can do, I can do better.”
Celyddon is much more open with his mocking, laughing at his face. There is no amusement in the sound, just booming, wordless condescension. “Go home, kindling. You’re out of your depth. I’m in a good mood. Fuck off.”
“I can prove it!” Beron says quickly before they send him off; they can winnow him away without moving from their spots, an easy feat for one such as them. He keeps his eyes tilted upwards, riveted on Celyddon who exchanges a glance with Sieffre.
“Alright. Prove it. If we disagree, I’ll kill you and fuck your corpse.”
#THEY ARE SO DADDY WHAT DID I DO#I LOVED THEM UR HONOUR 😩#the pinnacle of toxic yaoi AND old man yaoi like hehehehe#beron has a tail#we bringing it back boys#sjm villain week 2024#sjmvillainweek#beron vanserra#rhysand's father#tamlin's father#my fics
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Episode 230 Director's Notes
Wanted to share these ones since I really enjoyed reading Joseph's thoughts.
Ok, so this was a mean little trick.
Quite some time ago, we came up with the idea of Dr. Lubelle explaining away Night Vale. First, we had poor Sarah Sultan, under the title "Sarah Sultan, Explained". Then I knew I wanted to go after someone really big. An iconic character. Thus "The Glow Cloud, Explained." And we always knew there would be one last episode with this title format, and it would, based on the previous pattern, establish an existential threat against our sweet Carlos.
But at no point did we consider actually explaining him away. Because, as Carlos points out in this episode:
a) explanations are not inherently threatening. It is how they are wielded, and who wields them, that can do damage
and
b) a lot of Dr. Lubelle's explanations didn't really hold water anyway.
I knew for this confrontation to work, we would need to hear from both Carlos and Dr. Lubelle themselves. It is always a joy and a privilege when Dylan takes the time from his busy schedule of, most recently, writing on Ted Lasso and creating a new podcast about Jar Jar Binks for TED, to record for us.
And what can be said about Janet Varney that isn't just a lot of incoherent gushing? She is an expert at voice performance. For her final section, I let her know it was her character's big villain monologue before she gets squashed by a cow and to really go for it. I'm actually writing these notes before I get to hear what she did, but I have complete confidence that she will swing for the fences in the best way possible.
In this era of science-denial, it can be tricky to try to tell a nuanced story about science. One that acknowledges the very real harms caused by western capitalism through the tool of science, while also keeping in mind that much of what makes our lives wonderful was also discovered through the same tool. Science has no morality. Morality is simply not what science is set up to do. So the ideas of right and wrong, harmful and helpful, those must come from the human being doing the science.
America has become obsessed with STEM, but when we only teach STEM to the exclusion of the humanties, we get Silicon Valley. A heartless place where very smart people use their knowledge of computers to, generally, make our lives much, much worse, often without knowing they are doing that, because at no point have they been trained to think about the importance of considering the bigger picture and the moral implications of what they are doing.
Anyway, it's a hard topic to write about, and I can't say we 100% pulled it off. But hey, I hope we at least enjoyed the bad guy getting a dead cow dropped on them.
We'll be taking July off as always, so see you in August with whatever is going to happen next year in Night Vale (genuinely we haven't talked about it yet so I don't know).
-Joseph Fink
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German tv shows with lgbt* characters
I think it can be quite hard to find queer german tv shows, so I thought I‘d compile a list with the ones that I have watched so far.
✪ = queerness is centered in this show
A-Z
1899 (2022) (mlm) | Netflix | international
Ángel (Miguel Bernardeau)
Ramiro (José Pimentão)
Krester (Lucas Lynggaard Tønnesen)
All you need (2021-) (mlm) | ZDF | ✪
Vince (Benito Bause)
Robbie (Frédéric Brossier)
Levo (Arash Marandi)
Tom (Mads Hjulmand)
Andreas (Tom Keune)
Barbaren (2020-) (mlm) | Netflix
Marbod (Murathan Muslu)
Flavus (Daniel Donsky)
Beat (2018) (mlm) | Prime Video
Beat (Jannis Niewöhner)
Becoming Charlie (2022-) (trans, mlm, wlw) | ZDF | ✪
Charlie (Lea Drinde)
Ronja (Sira-Anna Faal)
Mirko (Antonije Stankovic)
Blutige Anfänger (2020-) (mlm) | ZDF, YT
Michael Kelting (Werner Daehn)
Dr. Claas Steinebach (Martin Bretschneider)
Bruno Pérez (Martin Peñaloza Cecconi)
Phillip Schneider (Eric Cordes)
Charité (2017-) (wlw, mlm) | Netflix
Schwester Therese (Klara Deutschmann)
Otto Marquardt (Jannik Schümann)
Martin Schelling (Jacob Matschenz)
Dark (2017-2020) (wlw, mlm, trans) | Netflix
Peter Doppler (Stephan Kampwirth)
Bennie Wöller (Anton Rubtsov)
Doris Tiedemann (Tamar Pelzig/Luise Heyer)
Agnes Nielsen (Helena Pieske/Antje Trauer)
Deutschland 83/86/89 (2015-2020) (wlw, mlm) | Prime Video
Alex Edel (Ludwig Trepte)
Prof. Tobias Tischbier (Alexander Beyer)
Lenora Rauch (Maria Schrader)
Rose Seithathi (Florence Kasumba)
Dogs of Berlin (2018) (mlm) | Netflix
Erol Birkan (Fahri Yardim)
Guido Mack (Sebastian Achilles)
Dr. Klein (2014-2019) (mlm) | Netflix
Patrick Keller (Leander Lichti)
Kaan Gül (Karim Günes)
DRUCK (2018-) (wlw, mlm, trans) | YT | ✪
Fatou Jallow (Sira-Anna Faal)
Matteo Florenzi (Michelangelo Fortuzzi)
Zoe Machwitz (Madeleine Wagenitz)
Kieu My Vu (Nhung Hong)
Isi Inci (Eren M. Güvercin)
David Schreibner (Lukas von Horbatschewsky)
Yara Aimsakul (Elena Plyphalin Siepe)
Hans Brecht (Florian Appelius)
Eldorado KaDeWe – Jetzt ist unsere Zeit (2021-) (wlw) | ARD
Heidi Kron (Valerie Stoll)
Fritzi Jandorf (Lia von Blarer)
How to Sell Drugs Online (Fast) (2019-) (wlw) | Netflix
Fritzi (Leonie Wesselow)
Gerda (Luna Baptiste Schaller)
Kitz (2021) (mlm) | Netflix
Kosh Ziervogel (Zoran Pingel)
Hans Gassner (Ben Felipe)
Ku‘damm 56/59/63 (2016-2021) (mlm) | ZDF
Wolfgang von Boost (August Wittgenstein)
Hans Liebknecht (Andreas Pietschmann)
Der Kroatien Krimi/Split Homicide (2016-) (wlw) | ARD
Stascha Novak (Jasmin Gerat)
Loving Her (2021) (wlw) | ZDF | ✪
Hanna (Banafshe Hourmazdi)
Holly (Bineta Hansen)
Franzi (Lena Klenke)
Lara (Emma Drogunova)
Josephine (Karin Hanczewski)
Anouk (Larissa Sirah Herden)
Sarah (Soma Pysall)
Mord mit Aussicht (2018-2022) (wlw) | Netflix
Bärbel Schmied (Meike Droste)
Neumatt (2021-) (mlm) - Switzerland | Netflix
Michi Wyss (Julian Koechlin)
Joel Bachmann (Benito Bause)
Polizeiruf 110 (1971-) (queer/gnc) | ARD
Frankfurt/Świecko
Vincent Ross (Andre Kaczmarczyk)
SOKO Leipzig (2001-) (mlm) | ZDF
Moritz Brenner ( Johannes Hendrik Langer )
Tatort (1970-) (mlm, wlw) | ARD
Berlin
Robert Karow (Mark Waschke)
Hamburg
Julia Grosz (Franziska Weisz)
Saarbrücken
Esther Baumann (Brigitte Urhausen)
Wien
Meret Schande (Christina Scherrer)
Vorstadtweiber (2015-) (mlm) – Austria
Georg Schneider (Jürgen Maurer)
Joachim Schnitzler (Phillip Hochmair)
WIR (2021-) (wlw) | ZDF
Annika Baer (Eva Maria Jost)
Helena Kwiatkowski (Katharina Nesytowa)
Wendland (2023-) (wlw) | ZDF
Kira Engelmann (Paula Kalenberg)
Birthe (?)
Queer Eye Germany (2022) (mlm, nblm, trans) | Netflix
Avi Jakobs
Leni Bolt
Ayan Yuruk
Jan-Henrik Scheper-Stutke
Aljosha Muttardi
Notes: I may have forgotten to add some characters, because for most of the shows it has been some time since I last watched them. Please let me know if you want me to add a character or even show:)
#german#queer#lgbt#TV series#queer representation#lgbt representation#1899 netflix#all you need zdf#barbaren netflix#beat prime video#becoming charlie#blutige anfänger#charite#dark netflix#Deutschland 83#dogs of berlin#dr. klein#druck#eldorado kadewe#how to sell drugs online (fast)#kitz netflix#kudamm 56#deutschland 89#kroatien krimi#loving her zdf#mord mit aussicht#tatort#tatort saarbrücken#tatort berlin#polizeiruf 110
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Katie in Trauma
Katie was 28 years old, standing at 5’9 with a thick, sturdy build with wavy brown hair, beautiful blue eyes, a pretty face, thick thighs, and large, perky, natural breasts. Katie was from South Carolina, and was the epitome of a cute country girl, talking with a sweet southern drawl. Katie had lived out on the outskirts of town on a larger plot of land her family owned, and enjoyed riding horses.
Yesterday while riding one of her horses, she was ejected from the horse while riding, her thick frame being tossed effortlessly by the naturally strong animal. Katie had landed hard on the ground, hearing a loud snap in her right leg. Katie immediately tried to get up, but felt extreme pain in her right leg when she tried to put pressure on it, letting out a loud yelp and cry. The horse, which was still nearby, became spooked, and kicked Katie in the chest rather hard with its two back legs before scurrying off to who knows where. Katie felt something pop in her chest, and a deep, tearing pain started to develop inside her chest. She also felt a sharp pain whenever she inhaled. Due to the isolation of the area Katie was in, it took her quite awhile to get ahold of anyone she knew, let alone EMS.
With that said, Katie had arrived at the emergency department much later than she ideally should have. Katie now laid on the trauma room table underneath the harsh, fluorescent overhead light. She was in a c-collar on a backboard, stripped down to just her bra and matching underwear, her brown hair in a messy ponytail. Her right thigh was bruised and discolored, being splinted by EMS. She was absolutely terrified, on the verge of tears, taking rapid shallow breaths. Her eyes scanned the room full of complete strangers who barked orders and medical jargon at one another. The heart monitors were chirping loud and fast, creating a bit of anxiety for Katie. Katie had never experienced the level of pain she was in. Her right leg was very sore and sensitive, with a bit of throbbing. The tearing pain in her chest was 100 times worse than it was at the onset of the accident, and she still felt a sharp pain whenever she inhaled. The adrenaline began to wear off, and the pain intensified further. Katie started to cry hysterically, letting the pain and fear overwhelm her.
Dr Lindsay and Dr Sarah were in charge of Katie’s care, assisted by our usual team of nurses. Katie’s blood pressure was dangerously low and continuing to drop rapidly, and her heart rate was elevated. Katie’s bra was snipped off, allowing her big, perky breasts to spill out. This revealed a huge bruise in between her breasts in the center of her chest. Dr Lindsay lowered her stethoscope onto Katie’s bare chest and auscultated her heart and lungs. “muffled heart sounds, diminished breath sounds left side.” Lindsay informs Dr Sarah. With those findings on auscultation, the two doctors decided to follow up with a chest x-ray and an echocardiogram. The chest x ray displayed some bruising and swelling in the sternum along with some of her ribs, but couldn’t conclusively prove if there were or weren’t any fractures. The chest x ray also showed that there was a left sided tension pneumothorax with slight tracheal deviation. The echocardiogram was performed moments later, revealing cardiac tamponade with a possible cardiac chamber injury. “ok, let’s do a chest tube then a pericardiocentesis and go from there.” Dr Sarah decided, Lindsay nodding in agreement. While the chest tube tray was being set up, Katie cried hysterically. “I’m so scared… I don’t wanna die…” she moaned to nurse Nancy. “it’s ok sweetie, you’re in good hands.” Nancy replies in a soothing, reassuring tone, stroking the young lady’s hair a bit. “Don’t let me die…” Katie cried, squeezing nurse Nancy’s hand.
The chest tube tray was set up, and the doctors got things going. The left side of Katie’s rib cage was sterilized with antiseptic, and Lindsay picked up the scalpel. Dr Lindsay made a 1 inch cut in between Katie’s 4th and 5th ribs. Katie felt the scalpel’s every move, moaning and crying loudly, begging the trauma team to stop. The underlying fat and tissue was incised by Dr Lindsay, exposing the intercostal muscles. Lindsay used a large clamp to spread the intercostal muscles, then stuck her index finger inside the incision area to penetrate the pleura, and create an opening for the tube that was soon to be inserted. Lindsay clamped off the proximal end of the chest tube, and jammed it inside the small, 1 inch incision. Katie yelped and screamed, wincing in pain from the quick, but brutal procedure. When the tube reaches the correct location, air hissed out of the tube, and reestablished normal activity within the left lung. The sharp pain Katie was experiencing while breathing instantly went away.
After the chest tube placement, the next order of business was the pericardiocentesis. The large needle for the procedure was picked up by Dr Sarah, and immediately noticed by Katie. Her eyes widened, looking at the large, thin needle. “no way! Nuh uh! You’re not sticking that in me!” a terrified Katie said to Dr Sarah. “It’s gonna help you a lot! We promise it won’t hurt as bad as the last thing we did.” Dr Sarah replied, trying to reason with her. “no way! Do something different! You’re not poking me with that!” a terrified Katie replied. Dr Sarah was able to talk Katie off the ledge a bit, and started the procedure. The front of Katie’s chest was sterilized once again, and the ultrasound wand was placed over Katie’s heart to help guide Sarah during the procedure. Dr Sarah always preferred the parasternal approach for pericardiocentesis, even though most doctors nowadays use the apical approach. Sarah took the long, thin needle and inserted it in the 6th intercostal space at the left sternal border by the cardiac notch of the left lung. The needle was inserted at a 90 degree angle because this poses a lower risk of damaging the nerves and blood vessels in between the ribs. Katie wasn’t in a ton of pain during the procedure. She felt the pressure of the needle while it made its way into her chest cavity, along with a quick little pinch here and there. When the needle reached the correct depth, the needle was inserted through the pericardium, and the catheter was attached to the back of the needle. Dr Sarah then pulled the plunger on the needle, removing the excess blood in the pericardial sac. The catheter quickly filled up with 200ML of blood. Dr Sarah swapped the catheter out so additional blood could be drained. A few drops of blood started to get in Katie’s chest after the 2nd catheter became quickly overfilled with blood. “ok, 400ML of blood that quick is a bit much. I’m thinking we page the OR.” Dr Sarah says to Lindsay. The needle was removed from Katie’s chest, and the procedure concluded.
Before the team had the opportunity to contact the OR, Katie’s blood pressure began to take a nosedive, and she began to drift in and out of consciousness. “katie? Stay with us sweetie!” nurse Nancy said, doing a firm sternal rub. Katie’s eyes opened slightly, and tried to mumble something. Katie then began taking a few gasps, before coughing up a large amount of blood. Katie spit up a large amount of blood almost immediately after, and let out a calm exhale. Katie’s eyes were half open, glazed over, her mouth agape. Due to the quick change of events, it was decided that Katie would be intubated. An ET tube was navigated into her airway, being held in place with a blue tube holder once at the correct depth.
Within a minute or two after intubation, Katie had gone into cardiac arrest. Deep , violent chest compressions were started on Katie. Her big, perky tits jiggled around. Her chest caved in, and her flabby belly bounced outwards from the residual force the compressions. Epinephrine and atropine were injected into her IV line, trying to obtain a shockable rhythm since PEA was on the monitors. After the first dose of meds and first handful of minutes worth of chest compressions failed to restart her heart, Dr Lindsay made the decision to perform a thoracotomy on Katie. Betadine was splashed across Katie’s chest, staining it a brownish orangey color. A quick, crude incision was made in the 5th intercostal space beginning just to the left of the sternum, extended laterally across her chest, underneath her left breast, and ultimately ended up a few inches shy of her left armpit. The underlying tissue was quickly dissected and incised, creating an opening for the rib spreader. Next up, the finochietto rib spreader was placed into the large, fresh gash in Katie’s chest. The knob on the spreader was turned, forcefully prying her ribs apart. A popping and cracking sound filled the room in the moments her chest was being opened.
Once Katie’s chest was opened adequately, there was a large rush of blood. The wet slurping sound from the suction tube was heard while the team tried to create a good line of sight. While suction continued, Dr Lindsay placed a vascular clamp on the descending portion of the aorta near Katie’s diaphragm. A few additional attempts were needed to create a good line of sight. After a good view of the thoracic anatomy was obtained, a vertical incision was made in the thin, fibrous pericardium. Thick, gooey, coagulated blood exited the pericardial sac, having to be suctioned out. There was a large amount of clotted blood trapped inside the pericardium which took an additional 3 minutes to clear out all the way. Next, the pericardium was peeled back, and Katie’s boggy, fibrillating heart was delivered. Lindsay wrapped her hands around Katie’s heart, feeling it slide and squirm around in her gloved hands. Lindsay squeezed hard and vigorously, sending much needed blood throughout Katie’s dying body. A wet, rhythmic squishing sound was made from the internal massage the was being performed. Dr Lindsay massaged Katie’s heart for several minutes, and another dose of drugs were given, but nothing had changed.
Lindsay wanted to try her luck with the internal paddles next. The large, spoon shaped paddles were charged to 20 joules, lowered into Katie’s chest around her weakly fidgeting heart, and the first shock was delivered. A dull, muted thunk filled the room. Katie’s torso flopped abruptly before falling back limp. The ,20 joules shock had failed to change the situation, so another shock was delivered moments later at 30 joules. Katie’s torso jolted violently, her big tits shaking in response to the stronger dose of electricity. There still wasn’t any change after that second shock, so a third one was delivered moments later, also at 30 joules. A dull, wet thump was heard, followed by the heart monitors alarming loudly while Katie’s blue eyes remained open, staring up above lifelessly. Shock #3 didn’t do the trick either, so Lindsay upped the ante, delivering a fourth shock at 40 joules. Katie’s toes curled at the far end of the table, showing off the neon pink nail polish on her toes, along with the thick, soft, meaty wrinkles throughout the soles of her size 12 feet. V-fib was still winning the battle, so Lindsay shocked again at 40 joules, but was once again unsuccessful. The electric whirring of the internal paddles charging was heard, followed by a dull, wet thunk. Katie’s body jolted sharply on the table, but her heart continued fluttering erratically.
After 3 more unsuccessful shocks, Katie had gone into PEA, so meds were pushed into her IV line. Lindsay forcefully reached back into Katie’s chest and began vigorously massaging her heart. Lindsay could feel Katie’s strong heart twitching and fluttering in her hands. Lindsay squeezed and squeezed, doing anything and everything to restart Katie’s heart. After an additional 7 minutes worth of efforts, Katie had converted back to v-fib. Lindsay charged the paddles to 40, lowered them back around Katie’s heart, and delivered the next shock. Katie’s feet kicked around and slammed back down at the far end of the table, showing off the thick, soft wrinkles throughout her soles once again. The paddles were readied again, and another unsuccessful shock was delivered. Followed by another…and another…and another, and so on.
Ultimately, Dr Lindsay shocked Katie an additional 8 times with the internal paddles and maxed her out on drugs. At the 33 minute mark of the code, it was noted that Katie’s pupils were fixed and dilated. At that point, the trauma team ceased their efforts, calling time of death on Katie at 8:27pm while she was still in v-fib. The ambu bag was detached from the ET tube and the chirping, beeping, alarming monitors were turned off. The EKG electrodes were taken off of Katie’s chest, and a blue surgical drape was placed over the thoracotomy site, hiding Katie’s heart as it fired off its last few impulses. A cover was placed over Katie’s body, concealing the terrified gaze on her face. A toe tag was placed on the big toe of her left foot, which dangled against her big, wrinkly soles, signifying a tragic end to Katie’s time in our emergency department.
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