#Elli I don't think you can reclaim that

[clonerightsagenda]

noooooo Elli Quinn homophobia moment

[ancha-aus]

RealAgeAU - Reclaiming

This is a little something I have had in mind for a while :3

TImeline wise? We are muuuuuch further. Like. late spring early summer (So the gang has been in farmtale for over half a year now!)

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We are back with Baby Pov :3 @spotaus you ready friend?

No Beta'ing or Edits. We just go with whatever i wrote >:D

*-----------------*

Nightmare sits on his little chair on the bright yellow porch of the Danielle Farm.

Ngihtmare watches as His four speak with the two nice ladies.

Ellie just sits wiht her head in her hands, she had been crying before. Dani isn't much better as she looks over their dying tree farm.

Killer frowns "I don't get it! You guys won the lawsuit right?! There was proof of sabotage! I thought you got money and everything?"

Dani chuckles as she rubs her cheek, removing some tears "It matters little... The trees are almost all dead... Even with the money... There is enough for us to live comfortable yeah.. but it isn't enough to restore the damage..." she looks back at their farm.

Horror frowns as he looks back "Any that survived?"

Dani sighs "Technically they are still alive... but they are dying... we checked all of them and well..." she sighs "only a few of our oldest cherry trees are still okay... and those aren't baring fruit anymore, probably part of why they weren't too affected." she sighs "i don't know the science behind it..."

Nightmare frowns and looks at Dust. Dust notices him and shakes his skull.

It had been going on since a month or so... The girls were beyond alarmed and panicked when they found one of their trees just dying for no reason. It got worse when it became clear that it had spread.

They thought wood rot at first and removed the sick trees but later realised their very land had been sabotaged and poisoned.

Killer frowns "And can it be healed?"

Dani shakes her head as she looks back at the trees that are still not showing any new leaves. "Maybe... but getting things for that? It is too expensive... and even than it would only save the cherry trees... and well... those aren't the real money makers and the thing we have our living with..." she rubs the perfect yellow wood.

Nightmare knows what she is talking about. THe two had combined their magic and made a new tree. somekind of mushroom tree combination.

Nightmare tugs on Cross's sleeve and he looks down "yeah nightmare?"

Ngihtmare looks at Dani "Can you make a new one? Like you made the first one?" That is how their farm started after all.

Dani smiles before sighing and shaking her head again "Our land used to be a forest... What we did was make one tree and let it... well.. infect and change the other trees around it. We eventually made sure it couldn't spread further and out of the area we wanted with magical barriers in the ground... but without new trees we can't go it again."

Ngihtmare frowns "and trees take time..." even their mushroom trees take a few years to fully grow.

Dani nods and smiles sadly at the others "We are... going to share the news with everyone later... Look for a new place and new jobs..." she rubs her eyes "new start... again."

Ellie sobs miserably "I don't wanne move..."

Dani looks back sadly at her other half.

Nightmare watches as his four think but clearly can't think of much. They had grown closer with the other two monsters. The two had often come by with extra wood for their home repairs and later with old mechinery and other things for them to repair and use as they saw fit.

The two had to drive a lot and deliver their wares a lot and got too many places. They made sure to keep an eye open for anything that others in their community wanted.

So when they heard something was up with their farm? They got to work. Horror had recognised the poison together with Crop and Dust had isolated and indentified it.

Killer had been very helpful with helpign the girls get their win in the lawsuit. Killer still has his silver tongue after all.

Nightmare hops off of the chair and wanders a bit further into the tree farm. He had been show their center tree before. THe biggest tree of their whole farm and the strongest of them all.

Nightmare stands before it and stares. It is sick. It looks a sick grey and no longer the beautiful strong branches that had made it strong. Nightmare inches closer as he stands before it.

When he first got shown this place he had been afraid he would get reminded of his mother. but it was different. These trees? They are really trees. just nature. His mother had always been strange compared to the natural trees. ironically, Nim had been something unnatural.

a whisper.

Nightmar eblinks and tilts his skull "hello?"

another whisper. it aren't words. it is more of a whisper like the wind going through leaves and leaving with a whistle. Yet....

yet...

Nightmare blinks as he inches closer "I am sorry it hurts..."

more whispers. but it isn't what he would expect... it isn't...

Nightmare tilts his skull "I don't think it can hurt me... like it is hurting you..." Nightmare finally truly gets it now. It is all connected. It are trees which grow like mushrooms. the roots are all connected and they all talk and communicate and share the magic and resources between them...

It si why they are all sick.

Nightmare frowns as he hugs himself close "I am sorry i can't help..."

another whistle. a whisper. it is a reassurance. but also an apology. The trees love the two who take care of them. Who helped them flourish. They don't want to leave the two.

Nightmare frowns before a a thought about himself returns. Something he hadn't acknowledged or even thought about in a long time. Not since he got his job as god...

He was a nature spirit. He may now be a skeleton but his core? His soul? Was still the same as when he was a ball of energy, a tiny nature spirit.

Maybe...

He slowly raises his hands near the tree "I can try to help..."

A slightly louder whistle and whisper. To be careful. To not hurt himself.

Ngihtmare touches the tree and feels the connection all over the farm. This farm is so much larger than his home. So much larger than Crop's farm!

Still. he feels along it. It is strange. He can't really interact with any of it. He just feels along it. It is strange and he is seeing double. But then he spots it. Something that is wrong. A greyness that is eating away the energy and colour of this feeling. He gets there and... and what now? He foudn it... he thinks... it is like a smudge. a smudge that eats and makes what was there before disappear...

He can't heal... but... maybe he can just... remove it?

He tugs and tugs on the thing. it doens't want to let go but eventually it stands no chance.

Nightmare feels it and it feels wrong. But it needs to disconnect from the trees! But how? He is right now kinda there with the trees connection and he has the thing and...

Ngihtamre concentrates and imagines holding it prisoner. Holding it close but seperate from his own.

It is now like a thin fill over him, still in his minds eye. His normal eyes don't see anything wrong or different of before.

Okay... what now? What is he doing anyway? How does this work?

"Nightmare!!"

Cross?

Ngihtamre tries to turn towards the voice and sees a bright light purple energy come towards him. a blink later and it is Cross normally. He looks worried.

And then he doesnt see the bright yellow of the energy of the tree anymore but just the normal trees.

He feels sick.

Cross gets to him and picks him up "Ngihty! We told you not to use your magic. It is still fragile..."

FRagile? oh.

Nightmare notices the now obvious part cyan and part purple light shinign unto the white of Cross's outfit... Woops... overdid it again...

A loud gasp "Oh no! Is he okay? I am so sorry. I didn't think... It never hurt any of us?" Dani is by Cross and looks horrified. Right... most of them haven't seen his scars.

Dust is by them in a moment and checks him over as Cross speaks "No this... this is a thing that happens if he overuses his fragile magic..."

Nightmare isn't relaly paying attention as he tugs on Dust's scarf and mutters "Dusty.... I feel sick..."

Dust frowns as he checks his temporature and skull over.

Nightmare feels something slowly crawl up his system and his magic starts to shape to get rit of it... He tugs harder on the scarf and mutters "sick...."

Horror gets it as he searches before holding up a basket by his skull. Ngihtamre doesn't wait and vomits.

Grey sludge that burns on his tongue leaves his body and he shudders. But in one go and it is all out and he feels a million times better.

Nightmare blinks at the weird grey blob of mass in the basket. Huh... pretty sure that has more mass than Nightmare has.

Cross just holds him tighter and rubs his back "that... is new..."

Dust looks at the basket and Horror looks around.

Nightmare blinks and looks at Horror "It will cause sickness." he is sure. So sure. but how does he explain. He doesn't have the words ready. He just hopes Horror understands him. His four always understand him.

Horror looks at him before looking at the basket thoguhtfully "Think we can burn it?"

Burn... kill it... Nightmare nods. That sounds good.

Horror looks at the girls "We euh..." he looks at the basket "I am not sure what this is... We need to look into it?"

Dani nods as she rubs her arms "of coruse... of course... I am so sorry something here caused him to get sick or overuse his magic and..." she then looks sadly at her trees.

Ngihtmare blinks as he already feels sleepy but still he says it "don't be sad... they don't want you to be sad."

Dani blinks and turns to Nightmare "waht... what do you mean?"

Ngihtmare hums and just nuzzles closer to Cross. he listens to the soft whistle and whisper. then he mutters sleepily "They already feel a bit better... They like you two... just rest..." and he yawns.

Killer steps over and starts speaking with Dani. Nightmare can't really hear it anymore as he falls asleep. Very tired and Cross is so warm.

---

Killer groans as he hears loud pounding on his door. God can't they just have a lay in today? He groans as he looks to the side adn sees Dust grumble angerly as he rolls further around Nightmare. Nightmare however is still completely out. Not having stirred much since the day before.

Killer checks him over first but still finds him just peacefully asleep. Nothing wrong. Probably just exhausted. Though none of them are even sure what Ngihtmare did to cause him to go so low on magic and energy.

More pounding on the door and Killer groans as he staggers over to the door. STill just in his sweats and sleeping shirt. He opens the door and shoots the other, Ellie, a grumpy look "I know I said We would be willing to help but i think i didn't need to imply to not do this at 6." or whatever time it was.

Ellie just stands there, her truck still running "It is fixed."

Killer blinks ".... what?"

Ellie shakes his shoulders as she speaks "It is FIXED. The trees! There are leaves growing! It is fixed! The whole farm!"

THe information connects. Killer stands up straight as he stares at the bunny monster in shock. He glances over his shoulder before looking abck "what?"

Ellie smiles brightly "I dom't... I don't know how! But... he fixed it Killer!"

Killer blinks before he feels panic as he grabs her shoulder "no one can know."

Ellie blinks "but... he caused a miracle... he-"

Killer nods "exactly. Ellie. What do you think happens when people learn what he did? What he could do? We don't even know he could do this."

Ellie blinks before her eyes widen and her face twists with worry "oh..." she looks thoughtful for a moment before a large grin appears "in that case. Thank you Killer! For bringing up the idea to put barriers around each tree section! We managed to get some seperation in the infection!" she then hugs him before pulling away "Thank you... I will tell Dani too." she grins and makes a zipping her lips motion before throwing away an invisible key.

She then apologises and waves before quickly rushing to her car. Killer cna see her grab a mobile phone as she starts calling. Killer waits a moment to and reads her lips as she greets Dani and tells her that what happened can not get out. That they just found a way to isolate the problem and remove the sick trees.

Something that if you knew how this thing worked probably wouldn't know but it is enough of a story to not arouse suspicion. Ellie waves and then she drives off after finishing her call. No doubt to return to her girlfriend, or are they already wives? Killer isn't sure.

Killer returns to the nest and sits next to the still sleeping Dust and Nightmare. Horror and Cross are no doubt out and doing stuff to prepare them for their first tiny harvest.

His godhood become active again...

Killer is just happy it isn't connected to that stupid balance anymore.

Though he does not look forward to trying to figure out what exactly it is.

*-------------------*

:3 the tiny god may have finally found something he likes and wants to do :3

Just because it isn't too obvious. It is restoration. After all. That is what Nightmare does.

First he restored the balance (or tried to). And then he got his boys, and isn't restoration just a way of saying mending? Which is healing? And what did the four do when they were near Nightmare? :3

I think you can see the pattern.

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[toxicanonymity]

Q: if another man succeeded w/ sweet pea

WARNINGS: aftermath of rape, angst!!, might give you emotions? be careful with this one

raider master list

Anonymous asked: hiya toxic. Hypothetical raider question because he’s been taking over my life.

Hypothetically- if someone else had reader would he still want her? I mean we know canonically he makes her his because there’s something about her. And we know he doesn’t love her but I’m assuming that someone violating something that he considers his property would piss him the fuck off. What his reaction towards reader would be is something that I’m waaay too fascinated with. Like would he feel bad for her? Or would he feel worse for himself? Would he claim her immediately again or give her time to recover? Would he even want her anymore? Because reader admits she loves him we can assume this is a non con type situation. But would Joel doubt her loyalty to him? Sorry for the college essay I threw in your inbox haha! Thanks for all the awesome content you put out 🖤

Hi! Thank you for reading 🖤🫶

Joel would still want her. If he didn't, the implication would be that another man is powerful and dominant enough to take her away from him - no way.

His reaction could be similar to raider 4: failed escape when FEDRA touched her, but more extreme in a way. Like he might not realize how rough he's bathing her until he sees a dead look in her eyes and starts to be more gentle.

First he needs to get any trace of them off her physically. Then yeah he probably wants to reclaim her in a way. He can give her a rest from penetration but wants to at least kiss it better.

I don't think he would question her loyalty. I think right in the moment, anger is the first thing he would feel (not toward her), in the dominant/possessive context of someone fucking with what's his since that's how he's wired, but then he finds it's more than that. I think he would quickly feel bad for her too.

He would also feel like a failure (as he alludes to in raider 4) since the pretext of taking her was to protect her. He might have nightmares and feel like he doesn't deserve her. He might briefly pull away like Joel does from Ellie in canon.

But she'd make an affectionate gesture he just can't resist like getting all the way on top of him in bed to sleep, and he feels a tear roll onto his neck, and all the tension leaves his body and he hugs her like he means it again. Then fucks her?

[inherstars]

The Last of Us | The Hourglass (3 of 4)

Hey look, it's got a title. Previous section here.

7:00 PM, and daylight was long gone.  Joel watched it languish through the schoolhouse windows, breathtaking oil-paint smears broken laterally by the gray blinds.

Ellie would have loved it.  She would have mourned her love of color and her complete inability to render it, no matter the pastels, or colored pencils, or watercolor kits he brought back for her from trades and supply runs.  Instead her notebook was filled with grayscale graphite sketches, solid monochromes, and gradients of ever-increasing skill.

She struggled to see the world in something other than black and white.  There was something to that, but he didn’t have the heart to think about it now.

He hoped the view might distract her, but its brief phoenix blaze didn’t align with her equally brief periods of lucidity.  She slipped in and out of consciousness, either waking and anguished or limp and pale and unresponsive.  Neither was preferable to the other.  He couldn’t bear to see her in pain, but at least she could talk to him. Her eyes were focused on him, she was present.  When unconsciousness reclaimed her she was at peace, but her absence ached dully in the center of his chest.

He and the nurse -- and Christ if he hadn’t forgotten her name already. Ally?  Olivia -- made her as comfortable as possible, but there wasn’t much they could do.  He was afraid to give her too many aspirin, especially knowing they would need to cut her open, and Jackson didn’t have a single narcotic to speak of.

This was the worst Joel could remember feeling in a long time.  A long time.  He never feared for himself, even when things on the road were at their worst.  He certainly didn’t look forward to dying, if it came to that, but at least he’d made peace with it.  He was more concerned about what would happen to Ellie.  How the hell she’d survive without him.  How she’d get to the Fireflies, or back to Boston, or anywhere alone.  Afraid and alone.

But this?  He couldn’t rally to this.  There was no pulling himself up by the bootstraps, and no amount of sheer grit and determination would limp him through this.

Ellie was hurting, and the possibility of losing her was real.

This was Sarah dying in his arms all over again.  He never wanted to feel that helpless again, let alone in slow motion.

Ellie caught her breath, eyes startling open, and Joel was back at her side in moment.  Weak, fumbling fingers spidered out for his and he took them.  Kissed her knuckles.  Brushed back her hair from her brow.  He didn’t say anything but she looked at him through fragile lashes, breathing too slowly and too heavily, pain twisting in her gut.  She wasn’t used to him looking at her like that.  Like the ghost of everything that once made him a good man.

“This is too weird,” she crackled quietly.  “Don't get all soft on me."

“Don't know as I can help it.

She sighed and blinked slow.  Too slow.  He was afraid she’d slipped off again, but her focus came back.

“Come on… at least hassle me a little.  Roll your eyes, or something.  Or one of those... long, aggravated sighs.  Where's that when I need it?"

"Thinking maybe I been too hard on you."

She groaned.

"Don't do that.  You were such an asshole when I met you.  Don't, like, go too far in the other direction.”  She squeezed his fingers so tiredly that he had to concentrate to feel it.  “If I die I'm definitely coming back to haunt you mercilessly."

It was a little too gallows humor for Joel’s liking, but he smiled.

Then it faded.

He realized suddenly why Tommy took his gun.

A thunder of sneakers on hollow boards rushed down the hall the nurse’s room, and Ally-or-Olivia cracked the door open urgently.

“Joel, they’re back. Just got the radio from the main gate.”

He twisted on his chair, craning her an incredulous look.

No, that wasn’t right.  Couldn’t be right.  They’d left on horseback near on 3 o’clock.  Three hours to the reservation if they kept a good pace, there was no way they could make it back in an hour and change.

They hadn’t made it, that was the only explanation.  The Blackfoot had pulled up proverbial stakes and gone elsewhere, or the road was impassable or--

“They’re not on horseback,” she said quickly, as if realizing how the news might be taken.  Maybe she recognized the Dead Man Walking look on his face.  “They’re bringing a truck through.”

He got to his feet, a hand still linked in Ellie’s, and looked down at her.  But she was gone again -- breathing fast, breathing shallow -- but lapsed back into unconsciousness.  Extracting his fingers from hers was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do, but he needed to meet his brother at the door.  He needed to hear from Tommy himself that there was hope.

“They’re coming up now,” Ally-Olivia reassured him, holding the door wider for him.  “I’m gonna go meet them.”

He was already easing swiftly past her.  “I’m coming with.”

Continued here.

[illumiera]

for the oc relationship asks...👀

11, 15, 23, 25, 26, 30, 85... (I could go on forever with these, really...😭)

✨ from these asks! ✨

ee, thank you for the ask, Gigi! 💖

11. Who is clingy?

you know, I don't feel like either Miraak or Elentari are what you'd call "clingy"! that is, they love being around one another and draw strength from each other's company, they're very in-tune with one another, and they're very physically affectionate in private, but there's always space for both to breathe and spend time apart doing their own thing if need be. I guess it comes with that innate dragonsoul-knowledge that the other is nearby!

15. How do they comfort one another when the other is upset?

they both struggle somewhat heavily with nightmares. Ellie in particular regularly dreams of her family and how she (in her eyes, at least) failed to save them, and for a while after Apocrypha, Miraak must battle dreams where he is there again.

a kind of ritual develops where, without a word, whoever has the nightmare will head outside to Ellie's beautiful garden beneath the stars. the other will follow them, sit beside them, and begin telling them a story that always works wonders in calming the other down. it doesn't have to be a fictional story, either—sometimes it's pulled from a book or invented wholecloth, but sometimes, it's a tale from that person's own life.

(usually, they'll head back inside after a while, or Miraak will carry Ellie to bed if she falls asleep, but they have been known to doze off lying in the grass, kept warm by either magic or the body heat Miraak emits.)

23. Who said "I love you" first?

so, they haven't said those three words to one another yet in their fic—and nor are they at a point to do so—but I have a Very Good Feeling it will be Miraak... 👀

25. Do they have any pet names for one another?

DO THEY EVER.

Miraak has many names for Elentari: rinisili (my same-soul), Kundruniik (light-bringer; the first name he knew her by), vusoveni (my nightingale), mal dovahdin (little dragon-maiden, meant complimentarily), mal yolstrun (little firestorm), filjud or filjudi (star-queen or my star-queen), filsehili (star of my heart). TO NAME A FEW.

as for Ellie's names for him, she might well come to use his birth name, Mímir, as a name just for the two of them—at least until he's comfortable reclaiming it altogether. as a lover of languages, she's fluent in Old Bretic, which is just me repurposing Quenya Elvish; as their relationship develops, she'll call him anarinya (my sun). in Dovahzul, she might go for rinisili, wuth dovah (old dragon, meant teasingly), or to match his filsehili, shulsesili (sun of my soul).

26. Who gets jealous most often? How does their S/O deal with that?

funnily enough, that draconic urge to go all "mine!" aside, they're not jealous people, either! I don't think they really see a need for it, not when they know just how much the other feels for them.

30. Describe how one character would cheer up the other after a hard day.

let's say Ellie has a bad day for whatever reason, one that cannot be improved by killing whomever or whatever is responsible—ahem. either on foot or through flight, Miraak will take her to a secluded beauty spot where they can both just be. if she wishes to talk, she can, but if not, what better way to calm down than to watch the stars, the sunset, or the world going by?

she'll often do this for Miraak, too, or simply hold him in comfort. through her, he's learning that there exists a world where he can be what he might deem weak, and there's neither danger nor shame in it, only safety.

85. Their S/O is tipsy. How do they handle it?

for a good while, it's Ellie who has the stronger alcohol tolerance of the two of them—after all, several millennia in Apocrypha probably reduced Miraak's ability to hold his mead, and she likes a glass of wine or two now and then. she finds him funny when he's a little tipsy, as long as he doesn't fall asleep and render himself impossible to move without magic given the height and weight difference between the two of them.

(get them both drunk, however, and they'll start chatting animatedly, or trotting off on an Adventure, or wandering between Tamrielic and Dovahzul like it's no big deal, or No Really, I Can Do This Fascinating Thing With Magic, Look—)

[chaos-burst]

4, 8, 23 and 35 for Io, Nika and Nessaya (my beloved)? 😌❤️

4. if they could learn one spell that isn’t available to them at present, which spell would it be?

Io: Io recently multiclassed into Paladin (they're now 14 levels of Barbarian and 3 levels of Paladin, Oath of vengeance). I think a spell they would really like to have is Warding Bond to take half the damage for their friends. Nika: Astral Projection for reasons I cannot say bc spoilers. Nessaya: Contact Other Planes to speak to their deity more often.

8. what are three songs that suit them?

Io: Who Will Save You Now - Les Friction Hopeless Wanderer - Mumford & Sons You Won't Feel A Thing - The Script Nika: Out There - The Hunchback Of Notre Dame Birds - Imagine Dragons We Don't Get Tired, We Get Even - Pat The Bunny Nessaya: Don't Stop Me Now - Queen Raise Your Glass - P!nk Born This Way - Lady Gaga 23. how do they feel about nicknames, titles, or labels that have been given to them? how do they feel about their name?

Io: Io likes their name, but it's something very personal to them. Not everyone gets to know their real name. They enjoy petnames given to them by their chosen family, they get flustered if pretty men call them by endearments. The titles and names they get from other people are usually along the lines of "Io The Bloody" and "Io The Savage" and stuff like that. They don't like it, but they know it's useful. If you're a somewhat infamous mercenary captain your reputation is important.

Nika: Nika doesn't like his birthname and chose his own name. That one he loves a lot and gives away freely. He loves petnames - both giving and receiving them. Some people have labelled him intentionally negative things all of his life but by now he just rolls with it and is even amused by it. Ma boi is all about reclaiming hurtful things :'D

Nessaya: Nessaya loves her name, loves petnames, if anyone ever gave him a dramatic title they'd be overjoyed :'D

35. which party member do they worry for?

Io: Their current party? Ash. But not as much as they would any member of their former group. From that group, they worry SO MUCH about Tano after learning that he's still alive. Tano was their first friend ever and is the best person Io has ever met. Also they have a massive crush on him.

Nika: Nika is technically an NPC and doesn't have a party. Otherwise he usually approaches stuff with a mindset of trust, knowing that his closest friends are all competent people who can take care of themselves.

Nessaya: Worry? Nessaya doesn't know her. (Maybe Nephira because she was so afraid to be on the frozen lake.)

69. (from your second ask :'D) how would they describe their party members?

Io: Oof. Io hasn't known them for very long, this is hard. They don't like or trust Luv. Jury's still out on Ellis, but Io definitely thinks he's pretty. Ash is complicated because from the whole group Io trusts him the most, but also they haven't known each other for very long. But Io thinks Ash is a good person. Io also projects a fuckton of issues on Ash because he's a healer just like his closest friend and crush is.

Nika: Nika loves all of his closest companions unconditionally. He would trust them with his life and believes they're the best people to ever walk the earth.

Nessaya: Nessaya's perception is mostly very shallow up until this point so like, everyone is really hot for sure. Shaggy and Lix are his best friends, obviously. She definitely wants to bone Eira, Nephira and Eleanor. Arisaa is so grumpy which Nessaya finds highly hilarious. Overall they're delighted by this whole ragtag group of new friends :D

[leelee10898]

No Control

Gonna blame One Direction yet again for this.. This Idea popped in my head the same day that You & I did.... so here ya go.. Also if you. aren't a 1D fan... im sorry LOL.. But at least enjoy the fluffy gooey Colt moment!!

7,8,9,10

Colt huffed, finishing his last set and setting the weights down. He worked out.. alot, more on days where his mind could not shut off, Where his every thought was consumed by her. It had been 1 month since he had seen her last, her hair was different,  her makeup was excessive, and if she had been someone he had seen randomly on the street, he wouldn't even recognize her… but those eyes. Those eyes we're the only thing that mattered. 

What he wouldn't give to be on the outside right now, to hold her,  feel the softness of her skin against his. To press his lips tightly against hers, the ache to be with her almost too much to bare, but in here he had to be strong,  always vigilant. He made his way back to his cell, waiting for the metal door to click shut as he tossed himself onto his bunk. One positive thing about the entire shitty situation he landed himself in was he had no cellly, no bunk mate if you will, And no one to beat to a pulp when they thought they could go up against him. His last one tried and failed. He did not leave visible marks, he didn't cause a scene Colt was smart, savvy, and calculating.

The bed shifted above him late one night, he knew what was coming and he was ready. As the man lurched over him, he kicked his foot out with all his might, right into the center of his stomach sending him flying back. He jumped out of bed stealthily gripping the man up and holding him against the wall, both arms pinned behind his back. "One move and I will end you right here, I can make it look like an accident.  You suddenly stopped breathing in your sleep." He seethed. "Im sorry. Im sorry. Dont kill me. I'll tell you everything you need to know." His cellmate squealed quickly, folding like a piece of paper.  

Colt had big dreams, he wanted to be the king of L.A. he wanted to take the reigns of the MPC and rule with his Queen by his side. The more time he sat in that cell with the days and months passing by at a snails pace, the more he thought of another life, one beyond the thugging and gangs. A small house somewhere in the suburbs with 2 or 3 kids running around.  He would open Kaneko Autobody there and he and Ellie could live the life she deserved. 

 He would move heaven and earth for that girl, just to make her happy.  He remembered the time he knew he had fallen for her, the exact moment he knew that he was completely head over heels in love with Ellie Martin. 

********

The rest of the crew were out on a job, they wouldn't be back until the next day. Ellie and Colt were ordered to stay behind and watch the shop, a bitch job that Colt hated. Ellie walked over to the couch in the makeshift living room of the garage, grabbing the remote from his hands. "Hey, what the hell?" he snapped, turning his body towards her. She gave him a smug little smirk as she started clicking through the channels. "So what, you think you can just flop down and take control of the tv because you're cute?" His eyes wide, a piece of popcorn stuck to the corner of his mouth. 

"You just said I was cute." She smirked, she was challenging him and he knew it. She had been the only person he found to challenge him, a fact he bith loathed and also secretly liked and she had just made him slip up. 

"I was watching that." 

"Annnd now you're not!" He could see the corners of her lips curl up as she kept her eyes on the tv screen. 

"I could take it back. Just like that." He snapped his fingers.  

"Mmmhmmm." 

Colt began to get irritated, she knew exactly how to push his buttons and she did it well. 

He let out a furious growl as he pounced, pushing her down onto the cushions, pinning her hands above her head. The remote clattered to the floor as she stared back at him wide eyed, wiggling underneath him. "Let me go or else." She giggled, prompting him to roll his eyes. "Oh. Yeah. So frightening." He snorted. 

"I could make you." She challenged. 

"No offense sweetheart but, I kind of have the upper hand here." His face inches from hers. She lifted her head slightly, her lips pressing against his catching him off guard.  He let go of her hands, cupping her face gently as he deepened the kiss, the task of reclaiming the tv remote all but forgotten. 

The next thing he knew he was on the floor, Ellie reaching down grabbing the remote and continuing her clicking. Colt sat there dazed, what had just happened? He climbed back onto the couch, Ellie scooted over nuzzling into his side. He threw his arm around her as she sunk into his embrace.  "So what are we watching?" Just like that, he folded.

The next morning he woke up to the sound of her phone. Music from the speakers.  Oh god, not this shit again He silently groaned at the familiar voices of her favorite band. 

Waking up

Beside you I'm my loaded gun

I can't contain this anymore

I'm all yours

I've got no control

No control

Powerless

And I don't care it's obvious

I just can't get enough of you

The pedal's down, my eyes are closed

No control

The lyrics resounding in his head. He looked over at her sleeping peacefully next to him on the couch.. he hated the music, but one thing was for sure. The pedal was definitely down, full speed, he was all hers. He had no control anymore, he was in love with her... absolutely and irrevocably head over heels in love.

**********

The sound of his door clicking open for chow pulled him from his thoughts. Five more months to go, and he would be with her again.. All hers, for he still had no control when it came to her.

ROD

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[flying-elliska]

Hi, Ellie! I have a quite stupid question for you and you definitely don't need to answer if it makes you feel uncomfortable! But since you identify yourself as bi and you have been willing to answer lgbtq+ related questions in the past, I thought I will give it a try. So, I obviously know there are "bi" and "pan" sexualities but even though I know about it for years and I have been reading multiple explanations on diffirent websites I still haven't been able to understand the difference. (1/?)

I thought I got it when I read that bi people can fall in love with man or woman and pan people with man, woman, non-binary person or trans person. But then I read that it's not true and that bi people can also fall in love with for example trans man (because he is obviously a man) and I got lost again. (2/?)

And I really hate it and feel like a biggest idiot in the world but I really want to understand so I thought... would you be willing to try and give me an explanation? Maybe I will finally understand it it will come from you. (3/3) 

Hey anon, that’s alright ! It’s a confusing question and there is a lot of misinformation online. I think it’s better to ask questions (even if a bit misguided) than to remain confused. The first thing to note is that trans people are not a separate gender ; trans men are men like you said, and trans women are women, and any sexuality definition that puts them in a different case ends up being transphobic because of that. 

Beyond that though, I think it’s important to say that there isn’t a clearcut answer to this question because people will define their own labels in different ways. So anything that will try to compare the two labels in any definitive way will often end up being too reductive. 

However, one big thing to know is that, while some bi people will define their sexuality as being attracted to just ‘men and women’, a lot of bi people, along with most mainstream bi activist and advocacy groups and scholars, don’t define bisexuality in a binary way - popular definitions include ‘being attracted to more than one gender’ or ‘being attracted to genders that are similar and different to yours.’ (Possible genders : man, woman, non-binary, agender, bigender, etc...)

So anyone saying that bi is binary or that it stricly means ‘man and woman’ is going to ignore the history and self definition of a big part of the bi community, and therefore strikes me as very disrespectful when it comes from people who don’t ID as bi themselves. 

My own take on it - as someone who mostly identifies as bisexual but also feels some affinities for the pansexual label - is that bisexual is more of a broad, umbrella-type label, where you just say you are attracted to multiple genders in some unspecified way, whereas pansexual is more specific, meaning you are attracted to ALL genders. To me the advantage of the bisexual label is that it has a longer history of community and activism and visibility and reclaiming it helps reducing stereotypes ; whereas the pansexual label introduces the question of non binary genders in a more prevalent way. 

But you can’t put a clear, strict line between the two and trying to do so will probably upset people. I think it has a lot to do with connotations of a word, it’s a sensitive, personal thing. For instance some bisexual people will say that their attraction has no gender boundary. I personally don’t feel a difference of attraction between genders, and so when I started coming out into the LGBT community I’ve had people tell me ‘oh but really, you’re pansexual’ and that felt very annoying and dismissive and invalidating. As if those people knew my sexuality better than me, as if there was something defective with the bi label. So, one very important take away is : don’t presume to tell people what they should identify as. 

There is a lot of misinformation out there - I see a lot of people, especially on this website, trying to justify pansexuality by contrasting it to artificially reductive definitions of bisexuality, and that really annoys me. On the other hand, people saying that pansexuality doesn’t exist or is inherently biphobic is just as absurd to me. First of all - all words are made up, and the meaning of labels evolve constantly. Secondly, you can’t force people to adopt labels they don’t like, and yes that can include reasons you might find petty or unreasonable or shallow (honestly I’ve heard many people say they just picked the label they thought had the better flag lmao). I think it should be possible to introduce the nuance that while bisexuality as a label isn’t inherently binary, a lot of people will still hear ‘bi’ and think ‘two’ and therefore wanting a label that is more explicit about liking all genders is not superfluous. And I think labels have always been somewhat fluid in the LGBT community and that trying to impose too strict separations ignores the complexity of human experience and identity. It’s such a personal thing, and a shitty thing to get mocking or dismissive about, because finding a label that feels like it fits you and your specific sensibilities and history can bring such joy ! 

 I hope this will clarify the issue somewhat ^^ but never hesitate to ask questions as long as you’re coming from a place of respect and willingness to learn ^^ 

[thelazyeye]

How do you feel about the d*ke slur? I've recently come to accept that I'm 100% into ladies but because I've actively tried to distance myself from lesbian culture all my life, I don't know if it's considered gross to use or reclaim that word even if it's just referring to oneself

OH YEAH! HELLO. Listen. I wrote a 21 page paper for my SJ class on what it was like to overcome internalized sexism and realize that I can both be attracted to women and… be a woman. And wow, that was a long, long battle for me. 

I have… opinions about the word dyke that might not be received bery well. I’m going to state them, anyway. I am fond of calling myself a dyke. I will not censor it. I will not hide it. 

I love using the word dyke to describe myself. I want a pin that says DYKE in big bold letters. I want to tell the world I’m a dyke. BUT. The only people who I want to call me a dyke back are either my closest friends or other WLW/LGBT persons. I take major issue with cishet people calling me a dyke. I had a straight girl my age refer to me as a “dyke on spikes” when she found out I played softball in high school and I’m a lesbian. And I was livid. Because she wasn’t using it in an empowering way or in solidarity. She was using it as a signifier and a power move. She’s just a regular old softball player but I’m a stereotype. What did she have to gain my calling me that? In the same way white people have nothing to gain by using the N word casually, she can only gain power because she is in the dominant group. She cannot reclaim and word that wasn’t hers. 

I can call myself a big dumb dyke. That girl cannot. It’s about identity, power, and substance. 

Language is such a central part of our culture. Language shapes culture and culture shapes language. You really cannot have one without the other, right? If you have communication, in some sense you have language. You have syntax and semantics and paradigms. They occur naturally and things change naturally as the culture and community moves forward. We can all agree on this. 

Slurs. In the LGBT community and literally every other minority group. It’s a power play and a political statement all in one, right? Slurs are used to put down the very group they’re trying to oppress. To take power away. To shame. To destroy. To deem vile and icky and horrible. Examples of slurs for the LGBT community include the word dyke. Dyke is, by all standards, a slur against lesbian women. It is used to demean us, to make us small, to equate us with evil. That we are predators. All things we are not. How do we reclaim a word who’s historical significance was used with so much hatred and vile intentions?

Let’s look at the word queer by example. 

Queer is an extremely loaded term in the LGBT community. It was used as a slur throughout much of LGBT history. Words such as gay, queer, etc. were and are still used against the community. When the LGBT rights movement kicked off, phrases were coined, such as the popular “we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it.” These phrases were used in an attempt to reclaim slurs thrown at us. Today, queer is used both in a way to reclaim the slur and as an umbrella identity. For some people it is a lot easier to say they’re queer than to try to explain and justify who they are. I use the word queer as an umbrella term and a self-identifier. I am a gay woman, a lesbian, a queer. A dyke. 

Dyke faces a similar climb in the same way that gay men use the word fag in the same way those who choose to use the word queer use the word queer. I love this quote. I think it holds a lot of weight in conversations like this. 

“Everyone who came out before us took the glass bottles thrown at us and made them into shields and windchimes… when accused of being a hated, vile, thing, you can take two paths. You can deny being the thing and agree with your accuser that being this thing is AWFUL. The WORST. Of course, you are not that thing. OR you can INCREASE BEING THE MOTHERFUCKING THING” (Ellis, 2017).

It’s all about agency, right? The ability to make that choice for yourself. No one can tell you, AS THE WLW YOU ARE (or as I understand it) WHETHER OR NOT YOU’RE ALLOWED TO USE THE WORD DYKE. Literally every lesbian and WLW I know has tried to distance themselves from their identity and the community. This comes from shame, not discrimination. You’re not gross if you decide to use a word you previously pushed away. We grow, we change. We reclaim. We take power for ourselves from those who used it to hurt us. I pushed myself so far away from lesbian culture that I pushed myself straight out of femininity and had a gender ID crisis when I was 17. Self love and self compassion isn’t a straight line. Neither is community. 

I love the word dyke. You don’t have to. But, baby. If you love it, use it. Give yourself power and pride. Stand tall. If you want to keep talking, please send another ask in. Or, if you’d like, please come into my DMs and we can talk. I can share my journey of self love and acceptance and maybe I can bolster yours. We need to stand with our sisters, and I’ll stand with you always.  I love you, girl. 

Additionally, if this was too long or too wordy or didn’t hit the point you wanted me to hit, PLEASE send another ask in and we can keep chatting until we’re on the same page. I don’t want this conversation to end if it’s not over.

[dare-i-say-asexual]

Lindsay Ellis sometimes uses the r slur in her older movie reviews but she expresses that it's a bad thing to say nowadays. i can't remember the exact videos right now but i can try to work up a comprehensive list for people to avoid if they don't want to hear it

I think if she’s neurodivergent specifically with a learning disability she can reclaim it. and if she’s not actually nd and she’s apologized for it and stopped saying it I think it’s fine to let it go (I’m autistic w/ ADHD and personally I wouldn’t ever say it but I understand that others do)

But I can’t exactly speak for everyone you know? If people are affected by this slur I just say avoid her older videos. She seems like a genuinely good person