#Enhanced self-esteem and self-worth

[globalknowledge]

How Important is Spirituality in Your Life?

How important is spirituality in your life? How Important is Spirituality in Your Life? Spirituality is a broad term that can mean different things to different people. Some may associate it with religion, while others may see it as a personal quest for meaning and purpose. But regardless of how you define it, spirituality can have a significant impact on your life. According to research,…

[borngeniusworld]

30 Quotes for Building Self-esteem & Self-image

Self-Mastery Quotes These 30 quotes are aimed at building your self-esteem and promoting a positive self-image. 1. “Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” – Christian D. Larson 2. “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha 3. “You are enough just as you…

[scorpihoe1111]

💔Chiron In the Houses💔

Chiron in your chart can tell you which part of your life is a touchy subject for you. Depending on the house it’s in, it can reveal the themes of your life that may have affected you greatly, or an area in your life that you may be insecure about.

Chiron in the 1H🧍🏼‍♀️

Something you may have struggled with through out your life is your appearance/self esteem. Those with this placement may have been bullied for their looks or something about them physically has been commented on/brought attention to plenty of times. The type of person to invest in plastic surgery they may not even need, or lose/gain a few extra pounds when their body is fine as it is. This placement, ironically enough; is found in people who overdo themselves with enhancements/plastic surgery/makeup etc even when it’s unnecessary. Prone to facial/body dysmorphia. What I find interesting however is that this placement usually naturally glows up at some point in their life as they get older, but the scars still remain; so they usually can continue being insecure for a long time and/or can seem to accept or believe any compliments given to them until they heal.

Chiron in the 2H💴

Similar to chiron in the 1H, this placement struggles with self worth/self esteem to a heightened degree, however instead of stemming from appearance it stems more so from financial instability/self worth in general. This placement could have grew up in a financially unstable environment and family where money wasn’t always present, and their needs were barely met; let alone their wants. These are the people who didn��t grow up with the latest video game, the newest car, the nicest house, expensive clothes/shoes. These were the people who had or barely had enough to get by growing up. Growing up they could have been surrounded by people who had more than them, or at least had more basic necessities than they did which in turn caused them to get judged or bullied. This is a placement that people are looked down upon for not having/affording nice things. This placement usually makes one an extremely hard worker growing up so they can have everything they didn’t have when young and not have to deal with it again. Without healing this wound however, these people could be prone to growing up superficial and judgmental just like their bullies in youth. They can start judging others who have less than them, and assessing others worth by what they have materially; because this is how they were treated growing up.

Chiron in the 3H🧠

These people could have struggled in school and may have been held back in grades. A slow learner, to say the least. They may have had a hard time learning and/or dropped out of high school or college. These people also may struggle with speech difficulties, could have grew up with a stutter or wasn’t able to speak/process things properly throughout their childhood and they could have been bullied for this. They could have been made to feel “stupid”, “slow” or “dumb” to their peers or family. They also may have simply grew up naive or very child like, maybe even sheltered and people could have traumatized them once they discovered the real world. This placement could also NOT get along with their siblings. People with this placement I know have been taunted, mistreated, or on the receiving end of jealousy by siblings both in childhood and adulthood.

Chiron in the 4H🏠 TW: ABUSE

These people could have had a very negative upbringing or family life. Home life was unstable, the father or mother could have not been very involved. I’ve noticed people with these placements could have been physically, emotionally or even sexually abused at home. Could have had a step parent that was abusive or one or both of the parents could have passed away. Some people with this placement could have been in foster care and/or traveled house to house to live with relatives/others who will take them in. They could of grew up with a lot of fighting in the house, I also noticed people with this placement could of had a parent that had an affair and this could of changed the whole trajectory of the home. If no abuse, then these people could have also been heavily mistreated or neglected in their family and almost treated like a stranger, and very outcasted within their family as well. These are the people who usually move out as soon as they can as they grow up and cut all contact immediately from family. Family could used the individual for personal gain. The family could have been extremely toxic, misogynistic, racist, overtly religious and/or diagnosed with mental illnesses such as NPD.

Chiron in the 5H🧑🏻‍🍼

These people struggle to be themselves and step outside the box. This placement is one where you’re afraid to accept any praise, as you feel you’re undeserving. These people usually feel like they’re not supposed to be happy or have nice things. They could have grew up with a negative, bitter family who influenced them to be overly humble to the point of self hatred. These were the people where the family could have threw things that they do for them in their face, even those it was basic necessities. “I put a roof over your head and food in your mouth!” this placement could of grew up feeling like they owe their parents something for bare minimum treatment. These people weren’t allowed to express themselves, to be themselves or to make their own decisions growing up. They were almost always practically controlled by their parents into being their personal robot. They feel guilty for enjoying themselves, loving themselves, having a good time or even just being happy. This is the ultimate placement that’s giving “If I can’t, why should you”. Not that it’s their fault, but I’ve never met a person with this placement who wasn’t the ultimate party pooper. Without healing, these people could grow up to become judgmental and bitter towards those who are living their best life. They could also struggle with fertility issues as well.

Chiron in the 6H🖊️

I feel like this placement is ridiculously hard on themselves no matter what they achieve in life. These are the people who I can honestly say are over givers, yet they feel like they’re still not giving enough. They could have struggled with keeping a set routine for themselves or even practicing basic hygiene growing up. But this is because this placement is a placement where nobody taught them anything that they know, they had to learn everything on their own. These people could be called lazy for wanting to take a simple break. Their lives usually revolve around work or doing their job. They can also be the type of people who is always trying to make everyone else happy except for themselves. I usually see people with this placement get taken advantage of because of their overly giving and forgiving nature. The reason these people are the way they are is because they grew up in a household that never gave them anything they have. They always felt like they had to prove themselves to others that they’re worthy of basic human decency. They do their best to help and do nice things for others because they were practically on their own soon as they came out of the womb. :(

Chiron in the 7H👩‍❤️‍👨

Oh boy, this placement is harsh. Those with Chiron in the 7H are people who have been deeply traumatized by love/relationships. These people usually end up with really bad partners who end up cheating, using, degrading and/or abusing them. I find this placement similar to Saturn in the 7H, however Chiron here is way more intense. These people feel like they keep going through the same cycle over and over in regards to love. They could have been traumatized by multiple relationships but the people I’ve met with this placement usually have that 1 relationship that changed their whole outlook on love in general. This is somebody who’s went through so many manipulative mind games in love that they start to lose hope. Once healed however, those with this placement end up becoming very mature and healthy individuals in regards to love and relationships. These people usually find “the one” once they start healing from the trauma of this placement. If unhealed, Relationships/marriage to people with this placement slowly start to lose its appeal once they get older because they put it in their mind that every man/woman is the same. Unfortunately, people who have been disappointed enough times with this placement start to turn so bitter that they become a misandrist/misogynist at some point in time. That’s why it’s important to heal if you have this placement, because it’s a harsh one that really starts to affect the mind internally.

Part 2 is on its way ☺️

[luveline]

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬 | 𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧 

summary eddie munson is super weird. he holds your hand too tight, he has a fascination with your neck, and he can’t give a hickey to save his life. good thing you’re super weird, too. [20k]

warnings two losers falling in love!! vampire!eddie munson, ditzy!reader (kind of), fem!reader, smut mdni (p in v, unprotected sex, oral fem receiving, general heavy petting and kissing, praise), fluff, hurt/comfort, angst (eddie struggling with guilt and grief). canon divergent (the events of volume 2 take place but there’s a mostly happy ending i.e. everyone good lives and everyone bad dies) TW eddie doesn't have suicidal thoughts, but he does think about it briefly. not with intent or anything like that though. requested here for my halloween party <3

(㇏(•̀ᵥᵥ•́)ノ)

Eddie Munson never wanted to be a vampire, and he wants that on the record. 

It's a ridiculous existence. It's embarrassing. It's nothing like all the movies and books promised him. 

He's looking at you, Bram Stoker. 

In Eddie's mind, Stoker’s nothing less than a liar and a sycophant. 

"Who's dick were you bouncing on, Stoker?" he demands to know, kicking fallen leaf mulch under his feet angrily. "Need'ta fucking impress some vampire lover with your over-exaggerated, over-powered, ridiculous descriptions? Great. Hope it was worth it. Meanwhile I'm here, self-esteem half the size of a grain of rice because I can't scale a building with my bare hands." 

Eddie would know. He's tried. 

He's not genuinely angry with Bram Stoker, but he'd rather take his frustrations out on a guy who's been dead for a hundred years than take them out on the demobats, because he doesn't want to even think about the demobats. They're all dead too. Not before they'd had (see: devoured) their pound of flesh and changed his life for the worse, though.

He shakes his head to drive out the memory like water in his ears. It's easier to pretend none of that shit in the upside down ever happened. (Impossible to pretend. He begs himself to try anyway.) 

He’s pissed because science fiction has promised him a lot of things and reality has delivered on none of them. No super strength, no impermeable skin. He is faster, but that's more a reflexive thing than anything else. And being faster doesn't make running fun. That’s impossible.

Sunlight breaks through the treeline and his skin crawls. Science fiction didn't get that right, either. The sun doesn't hurt. It's just really, really annoying.

He covers his eyes, winces at his itchy hand, pulls his sleeve over his fingers and covers his eyes again. "This blows," he says, and means it. 

In Dracula, the sun nulls Dracula’s supernatural abilities. Eddie doesn’t have any abilities worth nulling, unless you count echolocation.

He doesn’t. 

He walks another five minutes up the road toward Forest Hills when he realises you're behind him. His senses are enhanced now as a bat’s might be, hearing fine-tuned and dialled up every second of the day — which makes living in a trailer park where everyone thinks he's a murderer an acute misery — but he's as prone to distraction as anyone else. Especially when he gets stuck in a memory.

Eddie throws his gaze over his shoulder and finds you thirty or forty feet away, talking to yourself under your breath. He knows you more for your sounds than your appearance. To be able to put a face to your mindless babbling is a mystery solved. Of course you look like that. A skirt made of soft looking fabric bounces over two cute thighs, a pretty lacy corset type of thing that isn't too tight outfits your top half. You look more like a vampire than he does. 

"Hi, Eddie," you call.

His eyes widen, a deer-in-the-headlights kind of surprise. If you notice how he's frozen you don't show it, continuing to push your bike toward him. The tick of the wheels grows louder as you get closer, two hands on the handlebars with wrists draped in bracelets, both silver and fabric. 

Besides your jewellery, your arms are bare. You must be freezing. 

"Hey," he says. 

He doesn't know your name. He doesn't know how you know his, and he’s too awkward to ask. 

Your sounds peak as you close the gap. The wet scrape of your dirty black canvas shoes over shining asphalt, the soft puff of your breath, the clinking sounds of whatever trinkets you have in your bag. If he focuses, he can make out the tiniest pinches of fabric. Your short sleeves rubbing against your arms, your bra straps stretching over your shoulders. 

Eddie takes a deep breath and tries to diminish his senses. 

"Where's your van?" you ask curiously. 

"Piece of shit kicked it in the middle of town. Just my luck." 

You pause at his side, looking him up and down obviously but without the judgement or irreverent disgust he's come to expect from near about everybody in Hawkins. 

"That's not good," you say succinctly. 

It's such a genuine response that Eddie can't find it in himself to be sarcastic. 

"God awful," he agrees sullenly. 

You nod and start to walk again. Eddie falls naturally into step beside you, matching your pace without thinking. 

"You should get a bike." 

He laughs. Coughs to cover it up. "Yeah?" 

"They're way more reliable than a car, and it doesn't hurt the zone." 

Eddie squints. "The o-zone?" 

"Is there another one?" 

You're still so serious that he spares you the ridicule he might dole out to anyone else. If Dustin had said something like that he would've ripped the kid a new one, but you're rather sweet in an odd way. You have a soft manner of talking — each word sounds like you've thought its pronunciation through meticulously beforehand. 

He ignores your question and points at your bike, ring catching the sun. "Why aren't you riding it?" 

"My chain slipped." 

"So much for reliable." 

That makes you smile. Eddie feels it like a punch, a flat palm slapped into his chest. 

"You can't put the chain on yourself?" 

A brisk breeze whips your hair, your earrings. The left kisses your cheek, a silver heart-shaped hoop with pink beads that click together. You lean into it, face tilted to one side as a perplexed smile plays on your sticky lips. "You can do that?" 

"Sure, you pull it back around the gear. It's easy." He hesitates for a moment, and then feels guilty about hesitating. "I'll do it for you, if you want." 

"The guy in no. 62 has been charging me ten dollars." You don't sound as angry as you should, in Eddie's opinion. 

"I'll do it for nothing." 

You beam at him. His chest feels like a bruise. 

Pretty girls don't like Eddie. Not before Chrissy, not after. He's trying to work out your angle, what it is that you want. 

Or maybe you don't know. 

As soon as you find out who he is, you'll turn your pretty nose up at him and walk the other way. He shouldn't smile at you, he definitely shouldn't fix your bike. 

He can't help it. He's so starved for positive attention that he follows you all the way through the park, westside to east. 

He checks the driveway of his own home and smiles mildly when he spots Wayne's new car. It's new in the sense that it's different. It's actually way older than the one he'd had before, the one he'd pawned to pay for Eddie's — well, Eddie's everything. His check-ups, his court dates, his goddamn bail. In the same way that this trailer isn't the trailer, but an older, smaller one as far away from their first as possible. 

Kid, if I had the money…

Wayne hadn't needed to finish. If he had the money, they'd leave. Leave Hawkins, leave Indiana. Settle down in some other mediocre Midwestern state with all the same creature comforts and none of the "You were acquitted but literally none of us believe you didn't kill someone," motif. 

All they have now is debt, each other, and the Great Munson mug collection. 

Eddie keeps his head down as they pass the old trailer. Nobody lives inside now. Only termites. 

He can taste blood by the time they reach your home. Far from the metallicity of his human blood, Eddie's blood now harbours a bitter taste. Not quite like coffee but with that same overwhelming earthiness. He pulls his teeth from the bitten flesh of his bottom lip and quickly raises a hand to his teeth, alarmed. 

No knife-like points. Normal teeth. 

"Are you thirsty?" you ask him. 

Eddie flinches and drops his hand. You've parked your bike against the wooden lifts of your porch and are halfway up the steps to your front door, hand clasped loosely on the railing. 

His heart fucking pounds. 

"I have grape juice?" 

"Right," he says hurriedly, "right. Yeah, that would be awesome." 

Duh, you meant juice. 

You send him another endearing smile and pop up the last of your steps and into the front door. It's not locked. He doesn't follow, thinking you must live with somebody (who's gonna know exactly who he is and tell him to get lost).

He turns his attention to your bike instead. It's easy enough to fix. He rolls the bike so its handlebars are resting against your concrete driveway and covers the top bar of the metal body with his sneaker to stop it from toppling. He rolls up his sleeves and bares his arms, but pulls them back down immediately when he remembers the white-purple whorls of scar tissue lurking underneath. 

"Fuck," he mutters. Everything is a reminder, all of the time. He can't escape what happened. 

It's everywhere. 

He's getting his fingers under the chain when you reappear. You've layered up, bracelets and naked arms hidden by a black hoodie. 

The wind blows and your skirt shifts. From his position he can see a ladder hiding in your tights where your inner thighs are pressed together. He whips his gaze up like a high-school perv caught sneaking peeks in the girls locker room and notices the stitching on your chest for the first time.

"You like Dio?" he asks excitedly. 

"Who?" 

He wilts. "Uh, your hoodie. Dio." 

"I got it for three dollars in the bargain bins," you supply helpfully, all pep as you climb down the stairs and offer him a glass cup adorned in dainty enamel flowers. "Is Dio good?" 

He waves his hand at the glass apologetically. "Two seconds…" Lifting the chain with the second hand, Eddie tugs and then feeds until the links are lined up with the bumps on the big chainring. The skin on his fingertips get pinched and his eyebrows pull together in pain, but it's a mild irritant at worst and after a moment the chain is back in place. 

He pulls his hand away and wipes dark grease down the front of his jacket. "I think I did it." 

You're glowing, earrings like a metronome as you ask, "That fast? You're awesome."

He turns the pedal and your back wheel spins in time with his heart. You're awesome. When was the last time somebody who wasn't Wayne said anything like that? 

Although Dustin had told him he thought Eddie was a much cooler, more fucked up version of the guy from Van Halen the other day. 

You're just saying that 'cos we're both called Eddie, Eddie had said morosely. 

Learn to take a compliment, dude. 

When they aren't pity compliments, he might. 

Eddie lifts your bike back onto the wheels to show you that it's working perfectly. You giggle your evident pleasure. "Oh, thank you, thank you!" you say, super sweet even as grape juice sloshes over the rims of your flowered glasses and drips down your fingers. 

"Here, let me," he says, taking the glasses from your purple-stained hands. 

You kiss your hands clean which is a thing, a lot to watch. Eddie admits to himself that he thinks you're really pretty, recognises that that is a bad thing to think considering the likely very short life span of your acquaintance. God knows you won't be saying anything as friendly when you find out who he is. 

"You're so nice," you say. It feels like you're talking more to yourself than him. "Thank you. It's slipped off three times this month, and ten dollars is ten dollars. Wait, do you want ten dollars?" 

"My services were administered charitably.”

Your smile grows. You accept your glass and take a small sip, eyes lit up as Eddie steers your bike one-handed to rest against the porch. 

"Do you wanna come inside? I don't have any of the Dio, but I have Blondie." 

He holds in a throwaway comment about real rock and roll, astounded that you’d ask him. "Your folks aren't home?" 

"I'm twenty-two." 

Eddie squints at you. "Seriously?" 

"You didn't think so?" 

He shrugs. It's not that you don't look twenty two. Or even that you don't act twenty two. But it's been a long time since he met somebody living alone in the park. Forest Hills is where poverty comes to settle. 

"A boyfriend?" 

"Just me and mister Porterson." 

"That your grandpa?" 

"That's my pet fish."

He smiles. It's his first real, authentic smile in days. He's genuinely elated by your offer and your attitude, but he doesn't know how to handle it, struck with a sudden nightmare of you, afterward, telling somebody you'd invited him in and he'd tried to hurt you. It isn't fair of him to assume you'd do anything like that. You've been nothing but sweet and sincere this whole time. 

Eddie hasn't let his guard down in a long time. 

You're giving him this wide-eyed, imploring look that promptly suffocates any fear. 

And in a week, when she finds out who you are and feels betrayed, feels tricked? What then, Munson?

"You know what happened?" he asks.

"What happened?" 

"Two years ago. Chrissy… Chrissy Cunningham?" 

Don't say her fucking name. 

Your expression clears as clarity blooms. You take a step. He needs a second to realise you've come forward rather than away, fingers twitching toward his hand. 

"I know about it. I'm sorry that happened to you." 

He stares. 

This is a trick. Two years and he can count the amount of people who believe him on his two hands, and only because they'd all gone through it with him. Sometimes there are outliers, logical people who seem to realise Eddie couldn't have killed all those people, couldn't have been in all those different places without leaving any evidence behind. And sometimes there are people who agree he didn't kill Chrissy, but he's a coward for leaving her to die. (She’d already been dead.)

Eddie doesn't know what he thinks. Wayne sets the record straight every now and then with a clap on the shoulder. You did what every parent wants their kid to do. You lived. I can't ask for more than that. 

"You don't believe it?" 

"That you hurt her?" You hold his gaze, face practically impassive. "No, I don't believe it." 

He pulls in a breath that fills every inch of his chest. "I could learn to like Blondie," he says. 

— 

You're standing in the driveway of Eddie's trailer with a heavy bag over your shoulder, face to face with a man who kind of looks like him but not really. You assume it's his uncle because who else could he be? If you hadn't seen him here you'd never guess. 

"Eddie's mom must've had strong genes," you say. You bring your shoulder up toward your cheek thoughtfully. "He didn't get any of your face. Was she pretty? Eddie's really pretty." 

"She was," he says, peering down his nose at you. 

"I got sandwiches. Do you want one?" 

"What kind?" 

"I have ham and cheese, or ham and lettuce and tomato, or I have pumpernickel cookies. Is Eddie a vegetarian?" 

"Why?" 

"'Cause I only brought one cheese and cucumber, and I have dibs." 

He climbs down the last couple of steps and is still taller but definitely less imposing, face covered in scratchy salt and pepper stubble and crows feet deeply embedded into the corners of his eyes. He looks like a man who has been tired for a very long time. You make a mental note to bring him some lavender for his pillow on your next visit. 

"You're Eddie's new friend?"

You nod your head briskly. "Yes, sir. I'm Y/N." 

He opens his box of camels like a pro, bottom pressed to his chest. He tucks a cigarette between his lips and pulls his lighter out. He doesn't light it. 

"It's nice to meet you," he says eventually, voice warming. 

You search through the mess of your skirt for the zipper on your bag and peel it open, pulling out your tupperware of cookies and cracking them open to release the fragrant smell of cinnamon and almonds. It's a heady scent, fitting for the holiday season approaching. 

You offer Eddie’s uncle a cookie.

"Thought pumpernickel was bread," he says gruffly, taking one. 

"It is, but there's this little town in France that makes these every year at Christmas and they call them pumpernickel biscuits," — he takes a bite and winces at the hard snap — "you're s'posed to dip them in hot chocolate." 

"You don't say." 

You nod happily and he moves aside to let you pass. 

"Thanks, kid." 

You turn back to him with your fingers curled around the door handle. "Of course! It's really nice to meet you, Mr. Munson, sir." 

"Wayne is fine." 

You laugh and repeat his name in a similarly rough voice, letting yourself in as Eddie had told you to do. You find him immediately in a man-made corner of the living room, pale and in his pyjamas. The trailer is open planned, a living room they’ve divided by propping a couch against the kitchen counter, a slim hallway leading to a cramped bathroom and the single bedroom. It's exactly like in your home. 

You're somewhat surprised to see him in pyjamas. Eddie doesn't wear comfy looking clothes out of the house — you've only ever seen him in jeans and jackets like a real rockstar. 

"Are you ready?" you ask.

You've invited him to come and search for bugs with you. Catching any kind of bug, whether beetle or butterfly or spider, is really scary, but you need to be able to catch them to draw them. 

You'd expressed this to him over the phone and he'd said, "I can come and help. I have good reflexes." 

He rubs his hands over his knees. There's a blanket pooled around his feet, a quilt he must sleep with, and the room is decorated with not a whole lot of stuff but enough to make you take a step back. 

"Is this your room?" you ask, enchanted. 

"Kind of." He pulls his hair from behind his ear, obscuring a pale cheek. "I don't think I can come with you today, I'm sorry. I meant to call you." 

You toy with a dark thigh high sock as you ease out of your shoes, height drastically decreasing. "That's okay, we can stay here. I brought you a sandwich. I brought you two sandwiches," you correct. 

He nods. Rather sadly, in your opinion. "Alright. Thanks." 

You step over a tented paperback and hand off the cookies before sitting down beside him on the couch he's occupying. It's smaller than the one against the wall and round like a clam, lots of room for your legs to stretch out. 

"I feel like a pearl," you say. 

You and Eddie have been friends for a little while now. Long enough for you to realise he's either depressed or mentally unwell in some way. You hardly mind keeping him company on his bad days if he needs somebody, so drawing bugs will have to wait. 

His hair is limp, not totally greasy but not super clean either. His face looks fresh enough, though the bags under his eyes make you frown. 

You pull your purse into your lap, thighs covered by the thin layers of your midi skirt. "I have just the thing for you," you murmur. 

"Yeah? Bring me another bracelet?" 

You like that he sounds eager. Making his bracelet had been a challenge, lots of knotting and double knotting, three restarts and one small under the breath tantrum. It's not anything special, black and white hearts seven strands wide, but he'd been very appreciative. 

"No, but I can make you another one if you want. I mastered the inverse chevron last night." 

He hums. You pull a saran wrapped sandwich from the depths of your crowded bag, glad to see it's mostly intact. When you open it up you find that it's the ham and lettuce and tomato one, so you drop it into his lap haphazardly and move onto the next. 

"Aha! Here," you pull a cucumber from your sandwich. "For you." 

He takes it between two tentative fingers. "Thank you?" 

"For your eyes." 

"There's cheese on it." 

"I'll still work," you assure him. 

"M'not putting cheese on my eyes." 

You laugh because he probably shouldn't put cheese on his eyes, cucumber adjacent or otherwise. "Okay, don't. I'll make you a hot towel." 

He drops his hand on your arm as you go to stand. You like how he touches you, soft but not scared. "You just got here. Stay here." He pats you nicely. "Tell me about work last night." 

You settle heavily into the seat beside him, your thigh to his thigh, your hip squished against his hip, doughy flesh separated by nothing more than a strappy tank top and a cotton long-sleeve t-shirt. His heat quickly becomes yours, a sinking transference of warmth. 

"Well," you begin, cheek turning into the couch to face him. "It was mostly okay. I dropped another plate, but this time it didn't have a stack of waffles on it." 

He smiles ruefully and sinks back as you had. Neither of you eat your sandwiches. "Progress. Taking it out of your pay?" 

"Yes, definitely." 

"Discrimination." 

"That's what I said! I said, Sarah, I was born with butterfingers and you know that." 

"She didn't budge?" 

"Dishwashing all week next week. Whatever, though, 'cause it's Saturday." 

He laughs and shakes his head, his gaze dropping to your neck. He does that sometimes. You can't blame him; you wear a varying assortment of necklaces because you think they're pretty, and you're glad he likes them too. 

"See my new one?" 

"What?" 

"New necklace." You look down at your chest and pull the newest addition from between the cups of your bra. "It's real silver." 

"It's nice." 

"It's surprisingly heavy. Wanna feel?" 

"That's okay," he says, slightly strained. 

Right, you think. I'm talking a lot. 

You press your lips together in a mild pout and look at him through appreciative eyes. He's a very pretty boy, all soft and pale and sweet dark curls.

"Do you want me to put your hair up?" 

His lips part before he talks. "I don't know if you should." 

"Sure I should. It's getting in your eyes, right?" You take his hand where it's laid unsuspectingly in his lap and slip the hair tie from around his wrist, his fingertips tickling the inside of your palm. "Sit forward, Eddie." 

He takes a deep breath, holds it, and sits up. You twist and then realise you need some more height, pushing a leg under yourself to kneel next to his lap. 

You weave our fingers softly into the hair at the front of his face and rake away in lieu of a brush. After it's mostly tamed you pull it all into one hand and wrap the tie at the base of his head. You hum to yourself as you go, pleased when his lovely curls behave. 

"Voilà," you announce, moving back on your haunches. 

He breathes out. "Thank you." 

You reach for a curl you'd missed at the very front and encourage it behind his ear. He has subtle indents in his cheeks today like he's in need of a good meal, and his skin is colder than it should be when you flatten your palm. 

"You need something to eat," you fret. Your fingertips stroke under his eye, your thumb his smile lines. 

He moves away slowly. 

You pull your hand back into your lap. "Maybe we can go out and get something, if you don't like the sandwich?" 

"What?" he asks, pale lips taut as he simpers at you. "Are you kidding? This is about to fix everything that's wrong with me." 

His enthusiasm emboldens you. "It so will! There's ham and cheese too, if you prefer that one." 

"Get it! I'm gonna eat both of them." S

Eddie eats both of his sandwiches and you eat your own, the two of you with your heads dropped back against the couch as you watch TV. There's a guy you've never seen before running around the streets of Chicago city centre looking for people to be in his play. Eddie's seen it before. He repeats dialogue in time with the characters, performing each line. Impressive, what with how tired he looks. 

"What did he just say?" you ask, mouth full of cucumber.

"He said he's gonna throw himself off a bridge," Eddie informs. "Poor guy. I know the feeling." 

You swallow harshly.

"Seriously?" 

Your sad tone surprises him. 

"I- No, I'm kidding," he says, scratching the base of his throat, friendship bracelet his only adornment.

His nervous itching makes you even more worried. 

"If you did wanna do that, you can talk to me-" 

He baulks, tongue poking out past his lips as he licks the corner of his mouth. "Thanks, sweetheart," he says, pet name like a kiss. It sounds silly but it really feels like one, right in the centre of your chest. "But I'm fine. Promise. It was a bad joke." 

"Okay," you say, letting your suspicion shine through. You hold his eyes. 

You haven't known Eddie long. It feels like you met yesterday, though really it's been two or three weeks. You fit together in a way you hadn't expected and adore more than you can articulate, two funny puzzle pieces.  

"Well, I just wanted you to know. I like being your friend, I don't want you to disappear."

He laughs and licks his lips, a rough, chesty sound. "I don't want you to disappear either." 

Tires crunch outside, a shushing sound and then the sharp shriek of a jeep being put into park. Eddie perks up considerably, his shoulders straightening. 

"Hey, Chief," Wayne calls. 

Trailer walls. Basically made of cardboard. 

"Hey, Wayne. Where's the kid?" 

You can't hear what Wayne says after that, words stolen by the TV. 

"Is that Chief Hopper?" you ask, trying to catch a glimpse of him through the mostly shuttered blinds. 

"Yeah, he- He's friends with Wayne." 

"Why's he wanna know where you are?" 

"'Cause I got into so much trouble." 

You bite your tongue. His tone is hard, not stern but almost, and you realise you've overstepped as you usually do. You want to apologise but you don't want to pick the wound, eager to gloss over and make him smile again. 

"It's pretty cool, isn't it?" you ask him.

"What?" 

You spread your legs wider to slide onto your thighs and make him the taller one again, legs bent in a 'W' shape. "Coming back from the dead! First Will Byers, then Hopper." 

Something surfaces in his expression. An irony. 

"The undead," you croon, aiming for a smile, a laugh. 

He cracks. "The undead," he agrees, smiling in bemusement. His eyes are a funny shade of brown. 

—

Eddie shoo’s you home early that night but tries to do it kindly. He feigns exhaustion, a facade that's difficult to uphold when his entire body is thrumming with want. If there's one thing Eddie hates about being a vampire (there are literally hundreds of things he hates, but this one's special) it's that he wants to hurt the people he likes a thousand times more than the people he doesn't. 

He can't explain it. Your blood is more appealing than any lonesome stranger's. Your pulse is practically music to his ears when you sit beside him. He'd kill himself before he ever hurt you, though. Or that's what he likes to think. Whether he has that amount of control is debatable. 

No. He would kill himself before he hurt you, or Wayne, or any of his friends. 

Steve can see the way that he's feeling on his face. 

Hopper's delivery set to one side, a tall glass with blood congealed in a sticky ring at the bottom, Eddie curls under his huge quilt and tries not to pass out. Blood sate feels the same as a thanksgiving food coma. It's awesome. 

He hates how good it feels. 

"Stop feeling guilty," Steve says. 

"He doesn't look guilty to me," Dustin says beside him, taller than the last time Eddie had seen him but still miles off of Steve's tall stature. He's changed his hat again, this one a garish green. It's not a good look. 

"He looks like he's napping," Robin says, delighted. 

"Can you guys go home?" Eddie asks. 

"Shithead." 

"What Steve means to say," Robin corrects, grinning her huge, catching smile, "is that no, we aren't going home. We brought games." 

"I don't wanna play games." He does. Eddie needs the distraction, because eventually the blood sate will fade and all that will remain will be self-revulsion and a cruel desire to do something awful. 

"I do not care even slightly," Steve says, deadpan, as he sits right there next to Eddie where you'd been sitting before. Steve's nowhere near as soft and he doesn't smell as nice, but Eddie's honestly glad someone is willing to sit next to him at all. 

"Ouch, what the fuck?" 

Dustin looks up from where he's sat himself on the floor. Robin giggles in her seat on the coffee table. 

"Munson, are you fucking shedding? I just got stabbed." 

"They don't work like that. They retract." 

Eddie feels at his broken gums with his tongue. There's a clean incision where his fangs come out and then snap back inside after a time. They're remarkably thin, fitting in front of his natural incisors neatly. 

Steve grumbles, hips lifted and hand searching under his butt for whatever it is that jabbed him. He retrieves exactly what Eddie had been expecting but hadn't had the forethought to prepare a lie about with a shocked gasp.

"Is this an earring? You don't have your ears pierced." 

He swallows, knowing it's a very guilty gesture, and meets Steve's eyes straight on. 

Funny how Steve's hair speaks as much as his expression, bobbing as he nods his head to emphasise each word, "Munson, do you have a girlfriend?" 

Silence. 

"...Not really." 

"Holy shit," Dustin says, sounding extremely pleased. "No way." 

Robin tucks her short hair behind her ears, hands paused in disbelief at her neck. "Actually?" 

"I have a friend," Eddie admits. 

"Thank god," Steve says, dropping your heart earring onto Eddie's thigh. The silver feels extremely hot over his pyjamas, like it's been held in the centre of a blistering hearth. 

"I really thought Steve was gonna have to take one for the team and give you a pity handie," Robin says agreeably, scratchy voice coloured by genuine awe. 

Eddie groans, "Harrington, get this shit off of me. You know I can't touch that." 

"I forgot," Steve lies. "Can you wait? My hands are busy." 

—

He has Steve put your earring between two pieces of kitchen towel and holds onto it. He doesn't see you for a week, and he keeps your damn earring in his pocket that entire time worried it's gonna slip out and brand him at any second. 

Finally, you call him. He pretends he wasn't waiting. 

"Hello," you say, like you're announcing something. 

"Hey. How are you?" 

"Eddie, I need your help. Badly." 

He flinches up where he'd been leaning casually, hard enough to make Wayne jump. Eddie smiles at him placatingly and mouths a poor sorry, turning away to pretend there's a semblance of privacy to be found in such close quarters. 

"Are you okay?"

"I gotta find a rainbow leaf beetle. Do you have a torch?" 

"...What?" 

"They only come out at night, so I'm gonna go look but I don't have a torch that works." 

He relaxes, the lilting cadence of your voice enough to make his whole night. You sound so pretty even through the phone. He suspects you could hold any pitch, deep or high, and you'd still sound nice. 

It's all in the way you — he says this with love — perform the words. You speak like each word you're saying has equal importance, and it's calming.

Even when you say stuff that's nonsense to him.

Right now, you don't sound upset or even worried about not having a torch, simply curious to know if he has one. If he focuses hard (and he's been trying not to, as you deserve your privacy) he can hear you all the way across the park, shifting from foot to foot in your bedroom, carpet crushed under your heels. 

The action makes him think this might be more urgent to you than you'd first admitted. 

"I have a torch." He also has amazing night vision. Like, impeccable. "Can I come help?" 

"You want to?" 

"I'd love to. Are you going out tonight?" He leans back to glance out the window. "The rain is finally stopping." 

"Yeah, tonight! Is that okay for you? We could go tomorrow if you can't." 

You're willing to change your plans now that he's asked to go with you. It's a gesture as lovely as you are. Eddie doesn't think you'd ever think it of yourself; your kindness is so intrinsic you don't notice it, like the fine stitching of a leather bound book. Integral and widely unappreciated.

"That's perfect."

Wayne raises an eyebrow when Eddie relays the conversation. "You're going out in the middle of the night with this girl to… look for bugs." 

Eddie crosses his arms over his chest. "I swear." 

"Be honest with me, kid." 

"I am!" 

Wayne swirls his coke can around in his hand as he thinks, a reluctance evident in his scowl. Eddie knows he's way too old for a guardian's oversight like this but he lets Wayne have a say because Wayne loves him, and Eddie doesn't ever want to put his old man through the turmoil he went through when he ran away. If that means a curfew in his twenties, Eddie's okay with that. 

"If you're going to have sex with this girl, I'd prefer you did it here. You have to treat women with respect."  

Eddie shivers, full body. "Wayne," he groans, covering his face. He can feel his cheeks pink under his palms, that's how quickly his embarrassment rises. 

"I know you're more responsible these days, and you're a grown up. If you want a girlfriend and you want to do adult things with her-" 

"Jesus Christ." 

"- then that's alright. You don't have to fool around outside." 

He drags his hands down on his face, pained. "It's not like that. You met her, you know she's…" 

"Strange?" 

"Alternative." 

"No, you're alternative. She's cooky." 

"Don't," he says. He knows his uncle isn't actually being cruel, so he lets it lie and fights for his own cause. "We aren't messing around. She genuinely wants me to go find these bugs with her. And…" He hates himself. "She has her own place, you know? If we were going to-" 

Wayne seems stricken by the same mortified embarrassment as Eddie, raising a calloused hand in surrender. "Spare me." 

"Thank you," Eddie says, spinning on his heel to hide in the bathroom for a while. It's only when he's sitting on the closed toilet does he realise Wayne hadn't mentioned his more dangerous ailment. For a time, he'd been a normal (debatable) person having a normal (horrifying) conversation with his dad. Not a vampire. Not somebody who ruins everything he touches. 

—

"It's so quiet," you whisper. 

For you, Eddie thinks. 

You're in the forest surrounding the aptly named Forest Hills trailer park, wielding your borrowed torch carefully into the dark. Eddie's following in your footsteps, trying not to smell everything that's on you today and failing. 

You smell like a person as everybody does. Over that is your soap, a faint hint of milk and honey that sticks to your skin even after you've washed it away. Over that is your deodorant, 'unscented', and over that is your perfume, which he likes most. It's a mix of smells, some Eddie doesn't know and some he does. There's lavender, though that might be down to the bunch you'd brought for his uncle wrapped in newspaper, and there's something fruity he can't quite put his finger on, all of it wrapped up in a cloying pairing of vanilla and coconut. 

"Eddie?" 

"What?" 

"Are you okay? You're almost as quiet as the trees." 

If only you knew the trees aren't quiet. 

"I'm alright," he says quickly, catching up to you where you stand a few feet ahead. "What are we looking for?" 

Best change the subject. How to explain he'd been smelling the notes of your perfume? 

"They rest on tree trunks. You have to be careful, any sudden sound or light will scare them away. But if you flash the torch on them, they shine like oil stains." 

He loves when you talk. "Where'd they come from?" 

"Place called Snowdon. They're so rare, they think there's only about a thousand alive there." 

"Well, how did they get here?" 

You laugh under your breath, so quiet he would've missed it if he wasn't enhanced. "I don't know. How do beetles get to different places?" 

"They fly?" 

A twig crunches under your shoe. 

Eddie tips his head to the side, thinking. "If there's only a thousand, how-" He stops, your circle of torch light growing further and further away. "Are you sure that they live here?" 

"No, but if they do we'll be the first to find them." 

"So they've never found any out here? In- In the midwest?" 

"Not yet. Where'd you go?" 

He shakes his head in an affectionate disbelief. "Right behind you." 

You search in silence for a while. Eddie wishes he could say he was mad, or even mildly annoyed, wishes he had even the slightest regard for his own time, but really he thinks any time with you is time well spent. Especially if it's helping you do something you want to do. Whether you find your rainbow leaf beetle or not, he feels better knowing he's out here with you to keep you safe and in company. 

Conversation is sparing. He doesn't mind. Your footsteps fill the sound and he finds even that stupid detail charming, the crunch, the pick up. His own are silent, a rare advantage to his terrible affliction. 

"Any other beetles you want me to keep an eye out for?" he whispers. 

"I'm not sure…" You turn to face him, torch pointed at your shoes. Rubber toes touched together, you lean in until you're all he can smell. Perfume. Blood. "If you see any cool spiders, too." 

"You have the mason jar?"

"You know I do." 

More than you realise, he thinks. The glass clicks in your bag. 

There's enough light reflected to see the most minute details of your face. Your nose, the circle of your irises but not their colour. He suspects Eddie from early '86 wouldn't have been able to see hide nor hair, and it wouldn't shock him if you were technically blind right now.

"Thanks for coming out with me. I was gonna ask you." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah, but I didn't want to come on too strong." He can sense your smile even though he can't see it. It's in the way your breathing deepens. "I know I can be a lot to deal with." 

"Who told you that?" 

"What?" 

Eddie doubles down.. "Who told you that?" he sounds heartbroken. 

He kind of is. Yeah, you're weird — Who cares? Who isn't? — but you're not a lot to deal with. He doesn't 'deal' with you.

"Everybody tells me that. All the time." 

"Everybody's stupid." To say it so loudly, scathingly, is sweet. It's therapeutic. "They are. This whole town is stupid." 

Your fingertips touch his thigh. He's willing you to turn the torch up and see his face, because he has a lot of feelings on display that he isn't brave enough to say out loud. 

"You never make me feel stupid," you say softly. 

"You're not." 

You giggle breathily at his vehemence, fingertips pressing in with a touch more pressure before you pull away and shine the torch deep into the trees. 

"This whole town is stupid," you mumble. "But not you." 

He thinks of his friends who are definitely stupid, but he loves anyways. He's about to add them to the not-stupid (subjectively) list when he remembers Steve's discovery: your earring burning a hole in his pocket. He'd been carrying it for long enough now to forget all about it. 

"Hey, I have something for you." 

"You do?" 

"Don't get too excited. It's not a gift." 

He digs in his pocket for the tissue paper wrapping and hisses in shock as the silver plating of your hoop graces his index finger. You shine the torch at him. His eyes ache like he's been stabbed and he slams them closed, hand pulled to his chest. 

How embarrassing. 

"Eddie, what happened?" you question loudly.

He winces at the sudden overstimulation. Slowly, he blinks, and finds you staring at him in a worry that softens every feature, even your nose. He doesn't know the logistics. 

"It's okay. Stabbed a paper cut on the back. Your earring's in my pocket, the heart?" 

"The hoop? I thought I lost it." Your worry turns to confusion and then melds into joy. You step forward and fish in his jacket pocket for your earring. 

"Steve found it." 

"'The hair'?" 

"Yeah, the hair." 

You both laugh and yours heightens when you find the earring, pulling it out like a knife to be brandished. "Yes." 

"I meant to tell you a dozen times that I had it." 

"You're the best." 

There's a crunch of wood somewhere to the left like something heavy falling over.

The forest sprawls in every direction and the trees tower, their presence looming as skyscrapers. The wind ruffles the topmost branches and their trunks groan with pressure. It's enough to freak Eddie out super sense or not, feeling suddenly like he couldn't protect you. He could hear the individual droplets of drool dripping from a lynx's bloody maw, and he can sense each twig underfoot before he takes his next step, but none of that is going to keep you safe in the face of real danger. 

"Maybe we should head back," he says tentatively.

"Okay. Do you want to come over?" 

His breath catches. "You want me to?" 

"Yeah, we can watch movies, I have leftover pasta." 

That sounds more like what he should've been thinking. "I don't wanna keep you up." 

"What kind of pasta?" he asks. 

The torch flickers. "With the tiny tomatoes. You'll like it, super creamy." 

"How do you know?" 

"You like Alfredo," you say astutely, hitting the torch into the palm of your hand. It flashes weakly, the shadow of the trees flickering and so dark they're violet. 

"Try tightening the handle." 

You turn the barrel of the torch and the light switches off completely. You try to undo what you've done to no success, the sound of plastic rubbing plastic almost as loud as your heartbeat. Your pulse falters and then grows to racing when the light fails to come back on. 

"Eddie," you say, sounding unsure. It's a new sound on you. "I don't know where we are. How are we gonna get home?" 

Your admission is like a dousing of ice water over his head. "You don't know what direction we came from?" 

"No, do you?" 

Eddie wouldn't know if he couldn't hear the sound of the electricity pylon buzzing somewhere to the right. But how can he explain that? "Uh, we were turned around."

You creep to his side and grab his arm with both hands. "Are you sure?" 

"Hey," he says gently. "Hey, it's okay. I know where we are. We'll be fine." 

"Are you sure?" you ask again. 

"I'm positive." 

You take a deep breath that doesn't erase your shakiness, a failed attempt at self-soothing. "I really don't know where we are." 

"You're not afraid of the dark, are you?" 

"Not really… I don't wanna get lost out here." 

"You won't. I know how to get back. C'mon," he prompts, pulling his arm to encourage you forward. 

You let go of him and navigate a few steps by yourself. He weaves through the trees, waiting for your heartbeat to slow. 

It doesn't. He opens his mouth to reassure you again when you gasp, kicking your foot against a root and tripping. You barely fall, catching yourself on the trunk of a tree, and Eddie remembers himself. You can't see the trees. That's why you're worried. You can't see anything. 

Then the smell of blood hits him like a freight train. 

—

Your hand stings where you caught yourself, palm scraped down against harsh bark. 

"Shit," you mumble. 

You're panicking badly, and you're confused as to why Eddie isn't. Not only was it fucking stupid of you to come out here with only one torch, it was stupid of you to assume you'd remember what way was home. It was stupid of you to come here tonight for that stupid beetle, and stupid of you to drag Eddie along. You're an idiot, and now you're bleeding. 

Your eyes sting with tears, pain like a popped seal. I'm so stupid. 

"Hey," Eddie says, his tone silky soft, "you're okay. Let me help you up." 

You hold your hands out. 

"Eddie, this is weird." Hopefully he understands that weird means scary.

He takes your hands, fingers closing slowly over your bloody palm. His breath is loud as he pulls you up toward him like he's panicked but his grip stays kind, and you abandon the notion when he rubs over your knuckles with his thumb. "It's alright." 

He doesn't sound the same. 

"Eddie, we can't see." 

"We'll go slowly, okay? I'll put my hand out and we'll walk around anything that gets in the way." 

"Yeah," you say hurriedly, heart bump-bump-bumping against your ribcage. 

He keeps one hand, the injured one, and starts to drag you slowly through the trees. His grip tightens as you go until it starts to ache, until it feels like it might bruise. 

"Ouch, Eds. You're hurting me," you say, going for a lightly teasing tone and missing the mark. 

Instantly, he eases off. "Sorry, sweetheart. You hold onto me, alright?" 

You do as he'd asked, hand clinging to him as he leads. He doesn't squeeze you again, walking slowly as he'd promised, and the closer you get to the edge of the forest the clearer it becomes. Light pollution from the centre of town leaches through the trees like water trickling from an overflowing basin. 

His second hand is in his pocket. 

"Here," he says after you've traversed to the very edge of the forest. "There's the park. We're bona fide explorers." 

He looks out toward the park and you look at the side of his face. Something isn't right. Something uncanny. 

You drop your gaze from his face to your joined hands. They come apart, blood smeared in both your palms like two halves of a dripping heart. 

— 

There is something weird about Eddie. As a residential freak of Hawkins you think you're an authority in this, and you don't feel guilty for judging him. Your brain can't stop going over your night in the forest. For days you play the scenes back and for days you lose the details. You forget how the wind had tousled his hair, how he'd smelled, what he'd said. 

You remember the way he'd squeezed your bloody hand. You remember the way he'd spoken, strained. 

Not strained like he didn't want to comfort you, he had, but strained. 

Restrained. 

You're poking at the shallow cut half-healed now in your palm at work when a dude walks in, very tall, handsome, and gunning straight for you. 

You straighten your badge and hide your bracelet heavy wrists behind your back, receding slightly as he approaches. He slows in front of you. 

You have a light bulb moment. 

"The hair," you say.

He scowls. "He told you that, huh. Typical." 

"You're Steve?" 

"That's me." Steve crosses his arms across his chest, his back to a booth, your back to the diner bar. "You're Eddie's new friend." 

"What counts as new?" A month and a half doesn't feel so new to you. 

"Trust me, you're new." 

He has the strangest patch covering the outside of his left wrist, the same peculiar scarring that you can see on Eddie's waist when he reaches for a glass out of the kitchen cabinet. You don't ask because you're not a dick no matter how curious you find yourself, but it makes your heart skip. What is that? You'd assumed Eddie's was road rash. Now you're not so sure. 

He tucks it under his arm. 

You meet his suspicious gaze. 

"You want coffee?" 

"No." 

You kick your foot, shoe sliding over the shiny waxed floor with a squeal. "Is Eddie okay?"

"Did you want to come to a party next Friday?" 

"No," you say honestly. "Like a cult?" 

"What?" 

"Are you initiating me into your cult?" 

He finally smiles, eyes creased with amusement. "I'm inviting you to our club." 

"Club where you chew on each other?" 

You look pointedly at Steve's wrist. 

"No. Club where we play board games and drink jiffy pop. Come or don't, doesn't matter." 

"If it doesn't matter, why are you asking me?" 

It's a strangely intense conversation to have this early in the morning. Patrons chatter about work, coffee gets poured. The diner smells of syrup and sugar and bitter cold-press. You're both in work apparel, both refusing to move back. If this is some kind of shovel talk then that's fine, and if it's a test you're determined to pass, even if Eddie's been super weird lately. 

"I'll come if you promise not to eat me," you say. 

"It's really not that kind of club." 

—

"I had the weirdest visit in the entire world today," you declare, stopping in front of Eddie's porch with a smile. 

"Yeah?" he asks without looking up, guitar in his lap and pen scribbling over a lined notebook.

You wait for him to stop before you continue, leaning forward with both arms braced on the porch by his feet. "Steve Harrington came to see me, and he was super mean. You said he was nice." 

He frowns at you. "I told you he was a dick." 

"You like him when you tell me stories." 

"How mean?" Eddie asks, patting the seat beside him. 

You climb up onto the porch and plop down onto the couch, worn leather cold with the weather and damp in the seams. 

You take a strand of his hair and curl it around your finger. "Not really super mean, but he was, like, acting like I killed a baby." 

"He's like that." 

You sigh and lean your cheek against the couch cushion, watching Eddie's stubble move as he tamps down a teasing smile. "He invited me to a party next weekr." 

"It's not a party- Sweetheart, what are you doing?" 

You tickle his cheek with the end of his hair. "Nothing." 

"M'gonna sneeze." 

You tickle him again, fine dark strands brushing over his pale cheek. He's a very ashen guy, you've found. Likely because he barely goes out in the sun and he doesn't eat enough. You draw circles around the apple of his cheek and grin softly at his growing smile, a sweet, silly thing. 

"I'll tickle you back," he warns. 

"Promise?" 

He steals the curl back and tucks it behind his ear. 

"You're not a cannibal, are you?" 

Eddie chokes on air. You startle at his coughing and move to pat his back, palm slapping a steady rhythm into his shoulder. When he calms down you run your hand down the length of his arm, long sleeve t-shirt soft beneath your touch. You linger at his wrist and decide to hold it. 

He drops his pen and your hand travels until he's caught your thumb. He kneads it in his fingers.

"I'm not a cannibal. Why would you think that?" 

"I don't, but you and Steve are in your club, right?" 

"Hellfire wasn't like that," he says heatedly.

"No, not- Not that one." 

He doesn't say anything. 

"You have… He has this scar, on his wrist. Like something bit him, or-" He turns to you and he looks formidable and upset and himself, not mad at you but raw emotion in his expression anyhow. It's gone as quick as it came. 

"When all that… stuff happened," he begins quietly, "we got hurt. A couple of us." 

You drop your head, ashamed at having pried.  "I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me anything else."

"Don't be sorry…" He squeezes your hand and lets it go. "Don't worry about it." 

"Okay." 

"We usually call ourselves a party, these days. Not a club." 

"Do you really play board games and drink jiffy pop?" 

"Sometimes we get really crazy and order a pizza. You should come." 

You realise as he says it how much his wanting you to go had mattered to you. Eddie's your friend, and you don't think that you're going to stay friends much longer.

"You think your friends will like me?" you ask, voice descending to a new kind of gentle. 

He puts down his guitar and his notebook. His full attention is something you've come to really enjoy, not because of the hunger you often see flitting across his face — though that's neat —, but because of the inklings of adoration clinging to his smile when he looks at you. His blinking lashes. He smiles at you and just slows. A usually frenetic boy calmed. 

"Maybe not Mike. Mike doesn't like anybody. Except for Will," he muses.

"What about you?" 

"What about me?" 

"Who do you like?" 

"I like all of them." He juts his cheek toward his shoulder, conceding, " I think Dustin's my favourite. He's funny. He's funnier than I am, and he's the smartest kid I've ever met. And he knows it." 

Your eyes focus on the pink outline of his upper lip as he speaks. It's a pleasure to be this close, and see him in this kind of crazy detail. When you go home tonight you might try to draw him. You'll probably forget.

It's the kind of smile that deserves to be immortalised. 

"I really like your smile," you tell him, hoping it'll last a little longer. 

It stretches. The pink outline turns white. "Shut up." 

"I do. I've seen a thousand different smiles but I've never met someone who smiles like you do." 

"How's that?" he asks, edging toward you, face a mirror in which you can see your own charmed expression. 

"Like you," — you shake your head with your lips parted — "know a secret. Something you won't tell anybody." 

His smile abruptly ends. 

You've nothing if not a talent for saying the wrong thing. 

"A good secret," you amend. 

He picks up his acoustic and gives it an experimental strum. "Maybe one or two," he agrees. 

Relief catches you. You nibble at the inside of your lip and watch his fingers work over the neck of his guitar, tipping your head so you can read the words he's markered over the body. 

"This machine slays dragons," you murmur to yourself. "Yeah? How many?" 

"Just the one." 

"Save any princesses?" 

"Not yet." He plucks at the strings, lost in thought, before turning to you with eyebrows raised. "Can you play?" 

You exhale out of the corner of your mouth as he pushes the guitar into your lap, an arm coming around your shoulder, the other reaching to guide your curled forefinger to the strings. You turn to face him, watching him talk with a growing fondness. 

"It's easy, I swear. We'll do Call Me. Blondie's basic, even a baby could play it." 

He realises you aren't listening and raises his gaze, shiny brown irises stuck on your lips. This close, it would be worse if he didn't look at them. 

You glance at his, an obvious thing, half a wish. If he only lifted his chin. 

Your breath mingles. 

"It's easy," he says again, a murmur of his usual volume as his gaze pulls back up to yours. "I'll show you." 

You wonder if he can hear your heart pounding; it's deafening. You wait, and you wait, and you turn your eyes back to his guitar and clamp your fingers down against the struts so he can't see them shaking with adrenaline. 

—

Eddie sits beside Steve and tries not to admit to himself that Steve Harrington is, horrifyingly, his best friend (along with the rest of the party, obviously). Steve is the closest in age and Eddie can't make excuses (though he tries and tries and tries), Steve understands how much Eddie doesn't ever want to talk about anything that's happened to them, so he talks about literally everything else instead. 

"It was the weirdest pawn shop I've ever been in. They had, like, a wall of combi's playing the same video at the same time but all slightly delayed." 

Eddie blinks. 

Steve turns his head from the TV, having expected a response. "Did you say something?" 

"No." Then, because he's not a dick. "Sorry, Harrington. Want me to sit on your other side?" 

"What for?" Steve says. Not because he denies how he's hard of hearing, but because he denies having conversations with Eddie. 

He does end up moving to Steve's other side with a pathetic excuse. "I can't see the TV." 

Steve doesn't say a word until he's sat down again. "Sorry I was mean to your girlfriend." 

"Yeah, what was that about?" 

"I was cranky because it was early and I don't want her to damage the integrity of the party." He gives equal weight to both reasons. 

Eddie snorts at him. "Since when do you care about the integrity of the party?" Steve barely acknowledges that they are a party. He thinks that's a very nerdy way to say friends. 

"Since always, dipshit." 

"And inviting her to join the party was the solution because…?" 

Steve drinks the rest of his coke and pretends to really care about what's on TV. "If," he begins after a minute, refusing to look at Eddie, "something happens with her, and something happens to you, that damages the integrity of the party." 

"Steve," Eddie says, jaw dropped down to his chest, "do you have a crush on me?" 

"Oh my god," Steve mutters. "Oh my god," he says louder. "I can't stand you." 

To prove his point, he gets up from the couch with a wrinkled nose, stops to tap his shoe gently against Max's where she's sitting in the armchair across from the coffee table, and disappears into his kitchen. 

Steve Harrington cares about me enough to give Y/N the shovel talk. 

He feels kind of great about it. 

But he's not sure your the one who needs warning. 

That night in the forest, Eddie had almost snapped. There are rules to follow if he wants to keep people safe, self-imposed, Hopper-imposed, and he's broken too many with you already, the most important being no close proximity when he's hungry. Eddie doesn't even realise he is hungry half the time. He'll be standing by you and he'll want to touch you, and suddenly it's like he's three weeks in to the month without sating. 

He thinks about kissing you and suddenly he's thinking about biting you, and hurting you, and it's literally tearing him up from the inside out. 

How can he want to do that to you? 

"You look so depressed and pathetic," Dustin says out of the blue. 

Eddie pouts and falls back into the couch, Steve's fancy throw falling onto his shoulder. "I used to like you," he says, taking in Dustin's outfit with a kind of parental approval. He's getting older and it shows, slightly more handsome than he had been — he's kept all his baby weight and it suits him, his full cheeks surrounded by the softest brown curls Eddie has ever seen. The outfit stays immature, a funny t-shirt and ill-fitting pants. 

"Sad. You have a sad face," Dustin says. 

"Go play with your nerd squad, please." 

He doesn't listen, collapsing in Steve's still-warm seat like a cheap tent and crossing longer, thicker arms over his chest. He smiles at Eddie genuinely. "Where's your girlfriend?" 

"No." 

"Where's Y/N?" 

Eddie tips his head so he can see past the coffee table and points to where you're almost hidden, sitting with Robin on the floor by Steve's sideboard. You have a basket of tapes in front of you, the two of you trying to choose what's going in the stereo. Eddie prays for anything but Blondie. 

You will most likely choose Blondie. 

"What does she like?" Dustin asks curiously. 

"Everything, kind of. Why?" 

"I wanna know what to say when I talk to her." 

Eddie smiles at his friend's face, a soft, surprised thing. "I don't know if she knows anything about the radio but if you're happy about it she'll be happy too. She's a good listener."

Dustin picks at a piece of lint on his t-shirt bearing a white and black print of a dog wearing sunglasses. "So you talk to her?" he asks without looking up. 

"I mean, yeah. What else do you do?" 

"With a girl that likes you? Huh, let me think." Dustin laughs and ruins his own sarcasm, pointer finger laid against his chin in a show of thoughtfulness. 

"It's not like that," Eddie says lightly. 

"It could be." 

"Could it? I mean… I don't even know if she'll stick around. And I feel bad 'cos I can't be honest with her." 

"Why not?" 

"Hopper said he would literally put me in the hole if I even thought about it." There's no need to expand. Dustin would know better than anyone what he's talking about. 

He cringes at the thought, self hatred a hot poker down his throat. He must've said it to Dustin a hundred times when he finally came around from his coma (that wasn't a coma, but a death, and then a rebirth). I can't believe I put you through that. I can't believe I put you through that. I'm so sorry. 

I'm just glad you're alive, Eddie. 

And for a while, Eddie hadn't felt the same. The world he'd woken up to was hard. There had been lawyers and grief and guilt and becoming. He doesn't have the words to describe how it feels to become something new, something that needs to hurt people to live, something that will hurt people to live, whether Eddie wants to or not. 

The loss of choice is suffocating. 

Though moments like this with his friends– they don't make it 'worth it', they're just how it had to happen. There isn't a scenario where Eddie could give up. He can't leave Wayne, and he can't leave Dustin. He can live with the grief of what he is if it means other people don't have to live with grief of what he isn't. 

"Eddie, are you okay?" 

He's missed something. Dustin isn't the only one looking at him. 

He curls a hand around his forearm subconsciously. "I'm fine. I think I'm gonna go to the bathroom, actually. Gotta piss real bad." 

"Eddie-" 

"I'm fine, Henderson." He puts on a good show, patting Dustin's arm. His heart, usually so slow these days, has enough life in it to ache. 

He can't have been in the bathroom for five minutes when somebody knocks on the door aggressively. He's expecting Steve, pissed at his disappearance and likely preparing a speech on attention seeking behaviours and how they're hurting the youth of America, so he opens the door with a tired glare. 

He finds you, beaming and pretty, dressed ridiculously nicely for his idiot friends. 

"Hi," you say. He can hear something from Blondie's Parallel Lines playing from the living room, familiar because it's your favourite album. "Any room for me?" 

Eddie moves back. You close the door behind you. The bathroom becomes a vacuum of your sounds and smells. 

"They didn't have any Dio," you say with a smile. 

"I honestly wouldn't expect any different." 

"You could've brought some tapes, your mix from the van," you suggest. "I love that one." 

"Which one?" he asks, and he can't help it, whenever he's with you his voice crops to a dulcet murmur. The urge to speak to you as you speak to him is unconquerable. 

"One with the winking smile on the slipcase. I really like it." 

"You can have it." 

You lean against the sink. "I can?" 

"Mm. Whatever you want." Especially when you look like this. 

You smile at him, your 'thank you' smile, all sticky fondness and mischievousness. He has no idea what you're thinking. 

"'S a small bathroom in a huge house," you marvel. Your voice echoes "Where does he shower?" 

"There's an upstairs bathroom." 

"Two bathrooms? That's-" 

"Audacious?" 

"I was gonna say overkill." 

Your candidness has him shaking with laughter. He clutches at his sides, arms crossed and leaning forward. You visibly take in his appearance, eyes panning slowly over his clean hair. He'd taken care to look like somebody you might want to look at tonight. 

"Why don't you sit down, Eds?" you ask, eyes creased with an unreadable emotion. 

Eddie feels blindly for the toilet lid and pushes it down so he can do as you ask, wondering why you're asking.

"You look very handsome today." 

He hugs himself. "As opposed to every other day, when I don't?" 

You take a step forward, a second, hands playing with the hem of your shirt. Your outfit today is delightfully simple, a pressed black t-shirt long enough to cover the waistband of your pleated skirt. There's an expanse of thigh that makes his heart beat spin out, one longer than the other where your thigh-high is falling down.

He wants to pull it up. 

"C'mere," he says. 

You take that last step between his shoes and he reaches out, getting his fingertips under the elastic of your sock and tugging it upward over the soft fat of your leg. Your hands come up to his shoulders for balance, and you say, "No, you look handsome every day. Today you look very handsome. I made the distinction." 

He covers your thigh with both hands, looking up into your face as you look down. "You look really pretty today," he says boldly, fingers spreading behind your knee. 

"Thank you. Do you like my t-shirt?" 

It's a screen print of Debbie Harry. Eddie tries not to roll his eyes. "I love it, but your dedication to Blondie is seriously worrying, sweetheart." He gives your leg a short squeeze and pulls the most giggly smile out of you yet. 

"Like Madonna." 

"No!" he bemoans. 

You laugh and grow closer, arms on his shoulder, a hand threaded into his hair. "Cyndi Lauper?" you suggest. 

He puts a hand on your waist as you move in for a hug. Your arms wrap around his neck and the tops of his shoulders, cheek crushed to the top of his head. 

He'd ask if you were okay if he thought you weren't. You're not upset or seeking comfort. You're affectionate. You've been getting more and more touchy for weeks, as he has. Stolen touches, your almost-kiss on the porch last week. 

"No, not Cyndi Lauper," he says, his hand skirting around your back to pull you in properly. 

"R.E.M?" 

"God, no. Where are you hearing all this junk?" 

"The radio." 

"Tuned into the wrong station." 

You pet the back of his head. "Yeah," you say softly, "I think I was." 

The hug is shorter than Eddie wants it to be. You make one of your happy sounds and pull away to get your hands on his face, stroking curls from his cheeks with a protective touch. "Handsome," you say, turning your hand to stroke his cheek with your knuckles. "Pretty. You have really big eyes, Eddie, so brown, and so…" You tilt your head to one side, face inching forward. 

He turns his face to suit, to fit, breath held as you close the gap. 

"So pretty," you murmur, and kiss him. 

His hands are limp and then alive, one clutching your hip, one splaying against your chest. He can hear the thud of your heart clear as day — you're bumping with excitement as you kiss him. It's a delicate, tender thing, the party suddenly far away, the music drowned by the sounds of your breathing. You kiss as you talk, as you move, gentle but with bursts of ardency. Your lips are a blissful heat, the tip of your nose smushing into his as you part your lips over his. 

He lifts his chin higher, his neck craned to receive you. He's savouring every movement. Each pause for breath that you take. The feeling of your inhales over his quick-bruising lips. 

Your hands play in his hair so sweetly it makes his eyes burn with an embarrassing amount of emotion. He screws them closed and squeezes up your waist, steadying himself as you feel along his bottom lip with the tip of your tongue. 

You don't get much further than that, seemingly pleased with your own brazeness or perhaps his touch, eyes glowing with mirth as you pull away. 

"Sorry," you breathe, not sorry at all. "You just really looked like someone should be kissing you."

You're flushed. Eddie can practically see the heat emanating off of your cheeks. He can feel it. 

He stands up, your pulse a ringing in his ears. The wet valves of your heart opening and closing. 

"Eddie?" you ask quietly, lifting your head to meet his eyes as he walks you back into the door. 

His gums sting. A click. 

It's a compulsion. 

His hands curl around your elbows, holding you in place. Your eyes are wide with confusion, your lightly swollen lips parted. He can see the tiniest slip of your pink tongue. 

He holds your gaze as he leans in. Your eyelids flutter closed. You wrap your arms around him as he descends, totally trusting. 

He's a meaner kiss than you are. He starts slow but swiftly loses a handle on it, kisses short but insistent, hot presses like little crescent moons against your barely open mouth. 

His hands move up your arms, a near vice-like grip until he finds your sleeves. His fingers slip underneath, hands hungry for your warmth. 

You make the worst sound anyone has ever made as he moves back, like something has been ripped from you. A gutted gasp, near silent. 

He placates as he wades back in. Thumbs rubbing your arms, lips mouthing damp kisses down your face. The corner of your pout, the hill of your chin, the skin under your jaw. Your head tips back against the door with an audible thud. You exhale hard. 

Eddie can't feel his hands. 

Your pulse hammers under his lips. He kisses it once. He can't think. He can't breathe. 

"You're always cold," you whisper, your hands drifting lazily under the fabric of his t-shirt. Your fingertips trail up his spine. "But your lips are warm." 

He kisses your neck, his lips parting slowly, a hair's width a second as he sucks your skin into his mouth gently. It's barely a kiss. He does it a second time. A third. You start to laugh, a golden sound. 

The point of his fangs touch your skin and you stop. 

Eddie closes his mouth abruptly. His hand leaps to your neck and he feels your heart skip as he holds you still. "I'm sorry," he says, nose rubbing over the damp spot he's left behind, your teased skin. 

Your heart hikes again. 

"I'm sorry," he repeats. He pulls away, an agony. 

"It's okay," you say. Your breathlessness says otherwise.

Eddie takes as many deep breaths as he can stand, wanting to clear his head and filling it with you instead. Your everything; your smell, your skin. Your limp hands against his back. 

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asks when he gets a look at you, your unreadable expression. He takes care to keep his head angled down so you can't see the lower half of his face. 

"I don't think you could." 

You cup his cheek in your hand and he leans into it, his weight against yours.

"I wanted to tell you something," you confess. 

"What-" He licks his lips, wincing when his fangs slide into his tongue and scrape grooves across his taste buds. "What was that?" 

"I know you…" You pause, fingertips rubbing at his cheek.

Does she know? Eddie thinks, horrified. He hadn't realised how scary waiting could be. A thousand worries condensed into a handful of seconds. Does she know?

How could she not?

You press your palm to his cheek with more insistence. "I don't want you to think you have to hide anything from me. I know you have scars," you say, fingers sliding into the soft baby hair at the back of his neck. "You don't have to cover up. You don't have to cover any of it." 

"I won't hurt you," he says, trying to convince himself. 

"I know." 

-

You stay a while longer. Eddie's friends pretend that you hadn't been alone in the bathroom for an inordinate amount of time together. You thank them all silently and less so, trying to talk to as many of them as you can. 

There's Lucas, who's really, really nice, and his girlfriend Max, who's less so. She gives you an unimpressed look through her thick-lensed glasses, but you compliment her crutches and she comes around. 

There's Mike, who actually isn't anywhere as bad as Eddie had described him. He's not frosty or standoffish, he's sweet and he asks questions. There's a girl with him that you don't catch the name of, and a boy on her other side. 

There's Dustin, who you adore immediately, Robin, who you adore more, and then there's Steve. 

Steve offers you a pretzel like you're more than familiar. He strolls right up to you with a bowl of them in hand and doesn't leave until you've eaten half of them. 

There's a couple of people you don't manage to talk to at all, and you feel guilty about it all the way home. 

"What if they think I'm rude?" you ask, tired eyes locking onto the stereo system. The time blinks analog in the dark, 12:59AM. 

"They don't, don't worry about it. You have lots of time to get to know them, anyway." 

You hum and turn to his face, indulgent because you know he can't look back. "You're not too tired to drive, are you?" He's spent. Yesterday had been one of his bad days. 

"I'm fine." 

"You say that all the time," you observe, dropping your cheek into the passenger seat's headrest. 

"I'm fine all the time." 

"Liar." 

"Nuisance." 

You huff a laugh through your nose. The strands of his friendship bracelet, the small beads at the ends, swing like pendulums in the gap between his arm and the steering wheel. You can see the rough skin of a scar creeping out from under his sleeve. 

"Mike was really nice," you say. 

"He has a bleeding heart." 

That feels accurate. "He reminds me of you." 

Eddie rolls his eyes. You feel for every detail, the strange tension between you like a gaussian filter over everything. He's gorgeous in a horrific way, heartbreakingly pale, eyes dark as pitch, hands restless. They squeeze alone the wheel, thick fingers curling tight until his knuckles are stark white. Running down the back of his hands are veins like rivers. They're more purple than green. 

"Eddie," you say, playful, a tiny bit insecure. 

"What?" 

"Wanna stay the night?" 

His hand moves forward on the wheel like he's revving a motorcycle, the tendon in his wrist rising to the surface. He clenches. "Not sure it's a good idea." 

"Just to sleep. It's late." 

"I don't know if I can sleep next to you." 

You don't wanna say please. You don't want to ask Eddie to do anything he can't or doesn't wanna do. 

He pulls up outside of your house with his mind already made up. He gets out of the car and you follow his lead. He locks it, shoves the keys in his pocket as you join him on the path up to your porch. 

He's been in here enough times to know what it looks like, but for some reason you find yourself checking his face, worried about what it is he thinks of your things, all your mismatched trinkets, your stained glass lamps, your life as you let yourselves in. He ducks through the beeded curtain into your bedroom wary that they'll get tangled in his hair like they sometimes do. 

"Do you wanna call Wayne?" you ask, gesturing to your telephone on the right hand side, nestled between a stack of books and a cup full of coloured pencils. 

You pull your knee up to your chest and unlace your shoes one at a time. Eddie punches the number into the phone and holds the receiver to his shoulder to do as you're doing. It takes him less time to pop his sneakers off than for you to get out of yours. He's just taken the phone back into his hand when Wayne picks up. 

"Wayne?" he asks softly. "Didn't wake you up, did I?" 

You can't hear his response. 

"I'm gonna stay with Y/N tonight. Yeah, we had a good time. Yeah…" His eyes drift to you as you peel out of your thigh highs.

"Yeah, I'm still here. What?" He meets your eyes and it feels accidental, because he throws his eyes to your bedsheets and turns his face to the wall. "No," he says firmly. 

You scrape together something to wear for bed and some fresh underwear and leave for the bathroom, telling yourself that nothing is gonna happen so don't get your hopes up but not wanting to get caught out if it does. You freshen up, brushing your teeth and washing your face.

You stare at yourself in the mirror and wonder if you should've left your face-powder and your mascara on. Maybe even the skirt. You'd looked nice and pretty for the party. Now you look like yourself, still pretty but without those extra touches. Will he care? Does it matter? 

You debate your pyjama pants considerably. 

There's a lot happening. 

Eddie is… Eddie is something else. He's different, you'd known that for a long time, and his kiss had confirmed it. 

He's something out of a science fiction book. 

Well, nobody's perfect. 

Whatever he is, he'd kissed you. You'd kissed him and he'd responded, he'd come back for more, and now he's sitting in your bed when he could've gone home. You bring your hand to your neck and crane to one side, fingertips poking at your unbroken skin. His hickey's haven't even bruised. 

You screw the pants up and drop them into your laundry basket. You take off every piece of jewellery on your person. 

"Do you wanna use the bathroom?" you ask from behind the beaded curtain. "I left a new toothbrush for you on the sink." 

"Yeah, desperately, I…" He takes you in as you emerge. Fresh-faced, bare-legged. As naked as you've ever been in front of him, physically and otherwise. 

Eddie meets you where you're standing. He's ditched his jacket, and for the first time since you met him you can see the full length of his arms.

"You're not wearing your bracelets," he says, looking between your bodies. His hand twitches toward yours. 

"You have tattoos," you say. 

"They were better, before." 

There's a misshapen mess of black splodges near the crook of his elbow broken up by scar tissue. One arm is less scarred than the other, an almost perfect flank of white skin. 

"Is that a puppet? He's super spooky." 

"Mh-hm." 

You bring your hand to his tattoo and feel over the skin. It doesn't feel like it's there. Eddie holds your wrist and the two of you move together, your fingertips stroking up until you're wrapped around his bicep. 

Eddie brings his free hand to your collar. His index finger straightens, encouraging your chin up so he can ease forward and kiss you. He's firm, eager, and your lips curl up into a smile underneath it. He turns his head to the right and you fall left, smile worsened when you feel his own start to form. 

He nudges your nose. You take it for a telling off and laugh. "Sorry," you apologise, kissing his top lip. 

"You're making this difficult," he chides. 

Despite any sternness, Eddie loosens his grip on your wrists to slide his fingers between yours, pressing your joined hands to your chest. He leans back down and he's careful, almost methodical in the way he kisses. Chaste pecks, hot and precious as tiny stars. 

You reach for his waist. 

Eddie kisses you a final time and steps back. "I'll be back," he promises. 

You lower your chin, flustered and perplexed by his sudden departure.

Walking around to the right side of the bed, you click on your bedside lamp — a beautiful glass and foiled contraption that throws dainty stripes of stars and hearts over everything close in the dark — before climbing in. You sniff one of your pillows experimentally, trying to remember when you last changed the bed. You decide they're acceptable even if they really smell like your hair oil and flip them around to be safe, plumping them up with your hands.

You've curled up on your side and almost succumb to your fatigue when Eddie returns, bringing with him the smell of spearmint and a fuzzy feeling in your stomach as he shuts off the light and sits on the opposite side of the bed, facing you. The hair around his face is damp with water, baby hair's limp. 

"I'm sorry I don't have anything for you to wear, I-" Youre cut off by your own gasp as Eddie kisses you, his hand on your neck, his nose bridge sliding into your own. You hadn't been expecting it, and it's no less dizzying than any other kiss he's given you today. 

"It's okay," he murmurs lowly, lips pressed to your lips, "have to wear you, is all."  

You huff a laugh into his mouth. "I swear I'm always laughing when I'm with you," you muse as Eddie dedicates himself to your bottom lip. You cup the back of his head. "You're amazing." 

Eddie groans and eases back. "I'm not good with words, sweetheart. To tell you how I feel about you." 

You push one of your legs toward his knee. "...You can show me." 

He shifts in the bed until he can lean over the entirety of your chest, hands cupping your face and lips poised hovering over your own, a millimetre of space between your mouth and his. "Okay," he says quietly.

He dips down. You can feel his bottom lip tremble, and then he's kissing you too hard to feel it anymore. You wrap loose arms around his back. 

"Are you sure?" you whisper to him. 

He rests his nose against your cheek, eyes closed, drawing the tiniest left to right. "I want you," he reassures. 

"And you're okay?" 

"Yeah, sweetheart. I'm okay. Do you want to?" 

"Yeah. More than anything." 

Another loving kiss against your cheek, Eddie moves down, down, down. "Tell me if I do something you don't like," he murmurs, top lip dragging and leaving a line of dampness to the base of your throat. 

He adorns the canvas of your neck in half-moon contusions, big hands caressing your shoulders, your chest. You hold your breath as his fingers pass over your nipple, fighting to keep in any embarrassing sounds. 

Eddie disagrees with his plan of action. You shiver as he brings his lips to a close and his bottom teeth scrape upward, as he pulls his head up and says, "C'mon, angel, breathe." 

He follows his command with a manipulative touch, a circle over your nipple that makes you shudder. He kisses you and it feels like a thank you, pressure, a heat as his palm smooths over the bump of your tummy to your thighs. He squeezes the outside of one and for a while you can kiss him back, and then he pulls your thighs apart and you break away. Eddie follows, kisses you even when your reciprocation is weak. 

He pushes your thigh flat to the bed. 

You feel the heat of your excitement start to grow. Your stomach aches with the want to be touched. 

"You're like a space heater, you're that warm," Eddie says, hand coasting down the inside of your thigh. He squeezes until fat melds under his fingers. "Are you scared?" 

His whispering in your ear, his hand as close as it is to where you want it, it winds you up like a coil. You sigh as his thumb strokes the edge of your panties, sound coloured by an awful, devouring desire. 

His face presses further into yours in reaction. 

His touch is like the tide. He wades in, away. His thumb strokes inward over something soft and then his whole hand moves back to your thigh. 

"Teasing," you utter. 

"A little… Why, is there something you want me to do?" 

His clueless whispering is infuriating and exciting at the same time. Your heart races and you can't discern if it's more lust or love.

"Touch me," you plead, pouting, knowing he's a pushover.

Anticipation stabs like a needle in your tummy as he slides his palm over your cunt completely. He rubs a careful, almost casual rhythm into your panties with the breadth of his fingers, lips kissing a lazy stripe up to your forehead, where he rests his face. You both watch his hand move past the valley of your rising chest. 

"M'gonna pull these off, yeah?" He sits up, fingers pushing under the sides. "Lift your- yeah, thank you, sweetheart." 

You buzz with his pet names, his soft voice, the feeling of your panties sliding up to your knees and his gentle exhale. You swear you can feel it fan over your slit. "Shit…" he moan, pulling at your spread cunt. 

He looks like he's in pain, eyebrows pinched together and murmuring curses as he circles the wetness gathered at your entrance. You turn your head searchingly as he starts to ease his index finger inside your heat, a gentle probing. 

One becomes two. He muffles your sighing with firm kisses, amorous praises, "That's it, baby, relax," as he works you open, fingers wet with slickness but not enough. He changes his position, pushing his middle and marriage finger inside and curving as his thumb slides up your slit looking for the bead of your clit. 

Slow, slow circles. "There, huh?" 

You shiver as he pushes in deeper, fingers as far as they can go. He spreads them wide, drops reassuring kisses all over your face when you keen. It's so new to have him kiss you at all, and to have him touching you — you're melting into nothing right there in his hold. 

"I got you. Tell me if it hurts, okay?" 

"Want you to- I want you to fuck me," you murmur, arms wrapping around him so you can hide your face in his neck. 

"Fuck. Fuck, baby. Gonna fuck you just as soon as I can fit," he murmurs back, sinking three of his thick fingers into your snug cunt. He pulls wetness out with every thrust, a line of slick dribbling down onto the sheets underneath. He wipes it upward and pushes it back inside, his chest heaving. "Y'so tight, gotta take my time. Take our time." He rubs his nose against your head until he can kiss the highest point of your cheek. "Make sure you can take it." 

"I can." 

It doesn't bear repeating how quietly you're speaking, a mouthing inaudible under the wet, rhythmic thud of Eddie's pinky finger slapping your sticky cunt as he ups the pace of his finger-fucking. 

"I don't think so," he coos, pulling his fingers from your cunt and making a show of spreading them wide. Your slick ribbons between them, almost invisible in the dark. "Ruin your sheets before any of that, maybe." 

Eddie sits up and gets his hands under your armpits. You laugh as he tugs you up so your shoulders are on top of the pillows, but you don't have time to be confused. He quickly moves to kneel at your feet and pulls your leg over his shoulder, your back lifting unevenly from the sheets. 

He starts with a sweet kiss pressed to the skin closest to his mouth, your lower thigh, and then works his way up, open mouthed, barely kisses at all until his hair whispers against your sensitive cunt and he's nipping at the stripe of skin between your thigh and the place where you most want his attention. 

"Pretty," he says into your damp skin, lips shining. You reach down to stroke his hair behind his ears, worried he's gonna get it dirty. 

He looks at you from between your thighs, his eyes dark in the dim light, their lashes long and soft where the outermost flutter into your skin. He's lovely. 

He holds your gaze as he pulls back to your inner thigh. "Pretty everywhere," he says salaciously. 

His lips part over your skin and you think he might bite you, a bruising hickey, but he pushes you down flat to the bed by your hips and kisses your clit, a simple kiss. Your fingers weave deeper into his hair. Your fingernails scratch lightly against his scalp, every tiny lick or kiss reflected in the minute tightening of your hands. 

He goes slow, mouths down, kisses wetter and wetter as he reaches your entrance. "Poor girl," he murmurs, hands pulled down to further scandalise. He sinks two fingers inside and laughs into your cunt. You squirm. 

"What happened? You're dripping on my fingers." Your thighs draw closed around his head as he curls his fingers against a soft spot.

"Eddie, can you-" You swallow. "Please. Please." 

He pries your thighs open and rubs them soothingly, lapping at the heat of your cunt in face of your pleading. His tongue appears broad and flat up the centre of you until he's kissing on your clit, fingers pumping in rhythm. Your fingers work into his hair and he groans, the vibration enough to make you whimper under his mouth. 

He laps at your clit messily and you tip your head back, breath coming in tight pants. You don't know what you say, only how you say it, desperate "please,"s and keening "Eddie,"s. 

His thrusts grow in enthusiasm, fingers rubbing eagerly against something sweet. You pull your legs up and nudge his face to your cunt insistently, thigh shaking as you hold it up. Eddie doesn't need any more encouragement, his pretty pink lips suckling at your clit until you see stars. You make a pained little sound and try to move away from his kissing, startled at the intensity of your high. 

Eddie lets your clit pop out of his mouth with a lewd, slick sound, his hands moving under your thighs and pulling you closer. "Good girl," he says, rubbing his wet face against the inside of your thigh. He inhales hard as you are, though he pauses to kiss your kneecap and pat your leg. "Good girl, sweetheart." 

"I'm sorry," you say breathlessly, hands pulling his hair from his face. Pleasure rolls through you in hot waves. 

"For what?" 

"Tugging on your hair," you explain, shoulder pulled up to your cheek.  

Eddie kisses your tummy lovingly and climbs on top of you to do the same just under your chin. "It’s okay, sweetheart, I like that shit. That was good, huh?" he asks, lips dropping down to yours all wet and warm. 

He's not bragging, he's genuinely asking. 

You nod into his kiss, your hands coming up to his sides. You swear your ears perk up as he unzips his jeans and eases them down, a hand disappearing into the mess of fabric. He moans quietly at the first touch. 

You move his hair out of the way to watch. Eddie tugs at the length of his cock with a cruel hand, a short dribble of pearly precum sobbing down the tip and under his fingers. He spreads it as it goes, the slickness emphasising the ridges and veins of his cock. You can see it throb, if you look close enough. 

He sits back and eases his jeans and boxers down enough to reveal a thatch of curls that brush his hand with every pump downward. 

"You okay?" he asks, smirking. 

You pull your shirt over your head and your chest warms at his adoring smile. "Will you take off yours?"

He doesn't hesitate like you worried he might. He sheds his t-shirt, pulling the fabric over the back of his head and dumping it off the side of the bed. 

You take in his chest and it's abundance of ragged scarring still purpled with newness. He has a tattoo over his heart, a black whorl of legs and eyes. Fine dark hair crawls from the middle of his chest down his navel, joining with the thatch of coiled hair surrounding his aching cock. You shuffle forward and wait with two tentative hands held aloft until he says, "It's okay," before you touch him. You run your hands down the soft slopes of his waist. 

"Does it hurt?" 

"Not anymore." 

"Can I kiss it?" 

He snorts. "Prefer you kiss something else." 

That really makes you laugh. You dot a kiss against his jaw and can't make yourself stop, dropping them all the way to the skin behind his ear. Your hand creeps lower as you go, held to the curve of his tummy. His skin is hot to touch the lower you go, and his stomach feels solid, a heaviness you know all too well. 

"Can I touch you?" you whisper into his ear. 

"Please." 

You drop your forehead against his chest and he brings his hand up to cup the back of your head. His cock pulses as you wrap your hand around it, skin smooth and slick as you palm slowly up and down. You watch in awe as a bead of precum wells at the tip, Eddie's rough breathing loud overhead. 

"Lie down, Y/N," he says, hand moving behind your naked shoulders. 

"What way?" 

"How do you want it, sweetheart? We'll do it whatever way you want." 

You think about it. Whatever way you want. No matter how indulgent, you know he means it.

"Will you spoon me?" 

He pushes you gently and follows behind, dragging your body into his front and angling your hips, cock hot and prodding your back. He gets his hand under your knee and pulls it up, splaying your cunt. You jump in surprise as he pushes his cock through your folds, tip rubbing against the still sensitive bead of your clit. 

Eddie wraps his arms around you, hugging you from behind. "You wanna put it in for me, baby?" 

You reach between your bodies and take his sticky cock into your hand, shifting until the head nudges against your hole. He sinks in inch by inch, arms tightening around your waist and grinding you down onto his cock until you're whimpering. 

You grab at his arms with your hands and tether yourself to him as he starts to rock his hips, his thrusting tender and his face turned into your neck. 

He presses his hand flat to your abdomen, an anchoring point as he moulds your weepy cunt around his length, each slovenly movement into your heat spreading you that little bit wider. 

"Fuck," he says finally, sounding seconds from a black out. "Oh, fuck- You're tight. Gonna fuck you open slow, okay?" 

You're pretty sure you'd let him do just about anything. You bring his hand to your mouth and kiss every white knuckle, every freckle you can see on the back, and when he bottoms out your cover your lips with his stolen hand to smother a tearful gasp.

Eddie's thrusts are spearing in their steady rhythm, a dirty slap ringing with every punching thrust forward. You curl in on yourself and hide your mouth in the sheets, wet pants smothered by fabric. Eddie's grip falls to your hip, where he pulls your body back and forces your cunt open even deeper. 

His cock pushes into your sweet spot sudden and emphatic. You moan and he stills, rutting into that same space without pulling out until you're babbling his name, body knocked forward with every thrust. 

Eddie turns your face toward him as much as he can without hurting your neck, your moans echoing in time with each thrust. "There you go," he says, "wanna hear how good it feels." 

If he cares that you can't answer him he doesn't show it, arm coming up under you arm to grasp at your chest, your breaststroke soft and aching under his hand as he squeezes tenderly. His cock kisses at the sweet spot inside you intermittently; you're dizzy with it. 

Eddie can't keep quiet either, his moans breathy, his breath hissing between his teeth when you clamp down around him. "Fuck," he begs, dragging his cock out of your heat, "fuck, Y/N." 

He says your name like the syllables alone are appraising. 

You can tell when it gets too much for him. He slows. His face drops into your shoulder, and he matches his pace to the wet kisses he leaves behind. Your wetness feels stickying, each of his thrusts snug. 

His breath hitches, ragged pants accompanying every slow push of his hips. "Where's my girl?" he asks, eyes still closed as his hand abandons where it'd been squeezing the bump of your tummy to search further downward, fingers disappearing into your folds, short curls wet with slick. He can't find any purchase. You roll your hips, chase his touch and the pleasure that comes with it. 

He groans into your shoulder. It sounds more pain than pleasure. 

"Are you okay?" you ask, trying to turn in his arms. He holds you in place. "Eddie?" 

"Yeah, fuck, I'm okay." He grinds up into your cunt. "Fuck, you're perfect." 

"Will you kiss me?" 

He does. It's nowhere near the bruising press you'd wanted. It's too careful. 

"Listen," he murmurs, "I'm gonna get you on your front, okay? Gonna make you feel so good," he promises, waiting for you to nod before he pushes your shoulder away from him and climbs up behind you. You lay flat on your stomach and Eddie settles on your thighs, a heavy weight. 

He pushes into your cunt with two fingers first, the new position allowing for a new pleasure. He pumps in and out and swaps his fingers for his cock quickly after, bearing the full weight of his body into your back as sinks to the hilt. 

You both moan in time, hands fisted in the sheets. 

He kisses your neck, lips parted, and his teeth feel so sharp that your heart sinks as it had in the bathroom. 

"Eddie-" you start. 

He pulls away, stops every movement. 

"Eddie," you say again. What are you supposed to say? You both know what he is. 

There's a lull where neither of you knows what to do filled by your too-fast breathing.

"I won't hurt you," he says, hands rubbing up the length of your back and then under. He holds a hand over your heart. He drops his lips to your back. "Do you want me to stop?" 

He must feel your pulse calm under his touch, but he still asks again when you don't answer. "Do you want me to stop? It's okay if you do. You're okay, baby, I promise." 

You steal a pillow from against the headboard and rise up on elbows. Your admission comes weak but completely honest. "Fuck me, Eddie, please... I want you. I want you-" Your murmuring's interrupted by a sharp breath as Eddie starts to move again, the head of his cock pushing into your cunt, a slick, perfect feeling. 

He moans from the back of his throat as his cock pushes into you again and again, hips smacking the dough of your ass as his pace quickens. You hug your pillow tightly, tears popping up in the corners as he ruts deep. 

"Being so good for me," he groans, clamped down on your hip with a vice-like grip. "Fuck, you feel so good. Fucking clinging to me every time I pull out, baby, Christ." His blasphemy is punctuated by a thrust that has you sliding up the bed, sheets wrinkling under your arms. You spread your thighs and wetness pools at your clit as his pelvis thrusts into you, driving pleasure so deeply it aches in your hips.

You moan pathetically and reach back to hold his hand, wiggling your fingers. He takes it in one and presses your arm against your lower back with the other, struggling to maintain a steady pace as he gets close to cumming. You're a babbling stream of sounds as he fucks in deep, swollen sweet spot tapped against mercilessly.

He throws himself back on his haunches, cock dragged out of your heat. 

You pull your legs out from underneath him and curl onto your side to watch, eyes wide as white spurts of pearlescence jump out of the head of his reddened cock and drip down the bumps of his fingers. He leans back, his stomach and thighs tensed with every pump. 

He groans through a smile, moan's coloured by a happy, relieved laughter. "F-uck," he drags, fisting his cock dry. 

He meets your eyes as the last of it slides down onto his stomach. 

You smile softly. "Fuck," you mumble. 

Eddie wipes his hand in his jeans like a fucking hooligan and tucks his cock back into his boxers with a wince, and then he collapses on top of you. He's sort of nice about it, his arm over your shoulder and his face behind your ear. 

"Fucking beautiful," he praises, dropping his head back on the bed so you're face to face. "You're so fucking pretty. So perfect." He kisses you. "You're perfect," he repeats, staring intently into your eyes. 

You pull a hand from between your legs, smelling of sex. Eddie literally couldn't care less if he tried, and he lets you take his face into your hand without complaint. 

He gets his arm under your arm and starts to rub your back. "You want me to take care of you again?" he asks, eyebrows raised gently. "Yeah?" 

And you would let him, you would, but you need to see them for yourself. 

You touch your index fingertip to his lip. 

"Can I see?" you ask. 

He loses his boisterous joy, tamps it down. He realises that he can't lie, that he hasn't been lying, and he nods. You tremble as you pull his lip up over his canine tooth, excited and scared.

A sharp, exceptionally white tooth pokes out of Eddie's gums. You're taken aback, though you'd known exactly what you'd find.

A fang. 

Blood oozes at the gums. 

"You're bleeding," you worry aloud, touching your finger to the dark beading at the base of his tooth. 

Eddie's eyes rove over your face thoughtfully. He pulls your hand away from his lip and sets it on his neck instead. "They always do that. The gum heals, breaks when they wanna come out." 

"How often do they come out?" 

"A lot more since I met you. Whenever my adrenaline spikes, they seem to think it's… feeding time." 

That is a dizzying thing to learn. 

You're not sure how you feel, but you know one thing: he's Eddie. "It's too bad," you say, forcing a lightness that turns real more easily than you expect. "I really want to kiss you right now." 

He strokes your cheek with his thumb. "I really wanna kiss you too. Maybe a small one?" 

You find yourself leaning forward, unafraid. 

He kisses you once, twice, three times, the two of you holding each other's faces and covered in mess. Slick and sweat and blood. The hearts and stars from your lamp spray over his hip and paint him with pinks, greens, oranges, a rainbow cutting over his trim waist. You rest your hand overtop, feel his keloid scars like hills under your fingers. 

"My boyfriend's a vampire," you mutter, bemused at fate.

Eddie blinks at you. "I'm your boyfriend?" 

"Yeah, I think so. Don't you?" 

Eddie pulls you into his chest and doesn't let you go for a long, long time.

-

Your first time watching a blood sate is weird. 

For one, Chief Hopper is firmly against it. He's got his kid with him, the boy from the party that Mike had been so heavily doting on, and if he didn't you might think he was a pretty scary guy. 

"I think this is stupid," the chief says plainly. "I think this is stupid, I think you're stupid," — he points at Eddie where he's sitting sickly in the round couch — "and I think you're plain crazy, kid." He points at you last. 

You beam at him. "People have said that about me." 

His kid laughs. 

"Will," Hopper says tiredly, "go sit in the car." 

"Look, Chief, I know I messed up, okay, but she kind of stuck her hand in my mouth and I didn't really have a choice." 

Wayne looks at you with new eyes. "You did?" 

You nod at him faux-seriously. 

"And what gave her the inkling that you might have had something in your mouth worth looking at?" Hopper says, which is hilarious. You laugh behind your hand. 

He gives you a disapproving look that you completely ignore. If you'd taken notice of disapproval you would've stopped having this much fun years ago. 

"Uh, well, she might have… felt them?" His pitch rises. 

Hopper looks like he's about to blow a gasket when Will says, "What was he supposed to do? Never talk to anyone new ever again?" 

"He did a lot more than just talk to me," you say. There'd been a fixed bike, phone calls, lots of sandwiches, bug hunts, an entire sketchbook full of drawings. 

"I told you to wait in the car," Hopper says.

Will grins and raises his hands in surrender. "Bye," he mouths. You wave. 

Hopper waits for the door to close before he continues. "I get it, when you're a teenager you think your hormones are the end of the world-" 

"I'm almost twenty three." 

Hopper pinches his hand closed. "But you do not understand the danger that you are creating here."

"Like a stake-ing," you whisper, very very quietly. Eddie's the only one who can hear you, and he laughs so hard he snorts. 

"I'm glad you find this funny." Hopper's tone could not imply the opposite any more. 

He hands Wayne a paper bag that audibly sloshes and stalks out, his anger a palpable cloud of steam rising off of his shoulders. Eddie seizes up beside you at the sound, lips parting as his fangs come through. You don't touch him because you value your blood inside your body, only slide away from him and smile. "You okay, handsome?" 

"Kid, maybe the chief is right. We don't know how Eds is gonna act with you here," Wayne says. 

You nod respectfully. You like Wayne, and he knows about all of this stuff more than you ever could. 

"No," Eddie mumbles, putting his hand out for you across the couch. 

You take it without thinking. 

Wayne sighs. You can hear him grumbling as he disappears from view into the kitchen and puts a pot on the stove. There's the sound of a bag being punctured with a knife, a wet slosh. Eddie's grip on your hand tightens. 

You're still fascinated that he even drinks blood in the first place. That's wickedly sickening. Wicked, because it's cool that he's a vampire, with his impressive hearing, senses and smell. But sickening, because if you had to drink a pint of blood every couple of weeks you'd throw up. 

"I read about a new blood-sucker." 

Eddie raises his heavy head. "Another bug?" 

"No, a finch! A vampire finch. They're really pretty, Teddy. They're small and brown with long beaks and they drink blood because there's barely any water on their island." You give him a loving smile. "They aren't parasites. S'just how they had to change to survive." 

He squeezes your hand, this time on purpose. 

"Are you gonna come and have it in here, Eddie?" Wayne asks, one last shot at separating the two of you.

"I'm okay," he says loudly. His eyes trace your smile. "Really." 

It can't be fun to have two people watch you drink a warm mug of blood, but Eddie finds it funny. He keeps laughing every time he brings the rim of the glass to his mouth. 

"I can't do it if you're looking at me," he says. 

Wayne rolls his eyes and looks away. You cover your face with both hands and part your fingers to spy on him through the gaps. He makes it look easy, draining the mug basically in one long pull, though his hunger turns violent as the cup empties. He chokes. Blood trickles down from one corner of his mouth. 

You automatically want to reach over and wipe it away. Wayne grabs your arm before you can and gives you a fatherly look that says, I wouldn't do that if I were you. 

"Shit," Eddie says, slamming his now empty mug down on the coffee table. It makes a grating sound like a ground mortar and pestle. He sits as far back on the couch cushions as he can, nausea clear on his face. 

"Deep breath," Wayne says. 

"Fuck, Wayne." 

"You're aces. Deep breaths." 

Your heart hurts watching Eddie like this. He covers his mouth with eyes closed tightly and breathes hard through his nose. Already there's colour coming back into his face, not a lot but anything is an improvement. He'd been practically grey. 

When Eddie pulls his hand from his mouth blood has spread over his lips and jaw. Your eyes widen.

"I'll get the shower running," Wayne says, slapping his knees as he stands. He stops before the hallway. "Good job, Eddie." 

The boy in question slouches into a ball on the sofa and nods into a cushion. You wait for the sound of Wayne pulling the shower cord that turns on the hot water before you stand up, head tipped to one side. 

"You okay, handsome?".

"Tired." 

"You want a hug from me?" 

"Is anyone else offering?" He opens one eye to peek at you and grins at your distraught expression. "I'm joking, I'm kidding. C'mere, before I start bawling." You sit and then flop onto your side, pulling your legs up next to his. "Such a frowny face." His voice is adorably tired.

"Better than yours. You look like someone from Night of the Living Dead, baby." 

Eddie's arm lies limp like a dead fish over your waist. "Lemme nibble on your brains," he says, words thick as dark honey, eyes closed. "Just a snack." 

You're waiting for someone to pull the rug out from under your feet. No way your boyfriend, your cries at the end of every movie, brings you flowers because he felt like it, won't step on cracks in the sidewalk boyfriend just skulled a glass of O-negative like it was a milkshake. 

You feel guilty as soon as you think about it. He's not confined to all his softest parts and he never will be. He's snarky and angry and loud. He plays guitar like a real rockstar and he doesn't take anyone's shit. He's a survivor. A glass of blood every now and then was never gonna stop him. 

You keep wondering if you should let him suck your blood. It could be hot. It could also probably be the worst idea ever, a relationship faux pas up there with proposing after a month or saying I love you on the first date. 

"What are you thinking about?" he asks. 

You brush the hair out of his eyes with your ring finger. "Embarrassing relationship fumbles." 

"Oh yeah? Like letting your girlfriend watch you drink human blood from a mug shaped like Woodstock?" 

"Least it wasn't Snoopy." 

"God forbid." 

"Is it always like this?" You stroke your hand down his face and rub along his jaw with your thumb. "D'you always get sleepy?" 

"Yeah." He turns his face so your hand covers his mouth. 

You've stopped wearing silver jewellery, your wrists bare besides the endearingly awful friendship bracelet he's constructed for you. Not a friendship bracelet, he'd corrected. You're not kissing other friends, are you? Because that's really gonna put a downer on this whole thing.  

You dip your forehead to his chin and the two of you lay there in silence. You can smell blood, a thick, metallic stick permeating every corner of the room. It's especially strong between the both of you. 

"Do you wanna bite me right now?" you inquire without opening your eyes. 

"Not really. Blood sate kicks in quickly. It's the worst for, like, the first ten seconds after. Now I wanna sleep, but Wayne's gonna make me shower." 

"Maybe I can shower with you." 

"I'm sure he'd jump for joy if you suggest it." 

"Really?"

Eddie kisses your hand. "No," he says with a giddy laugh. 

"I'll pretend I'm gonna sit on the toilet. Keep watch." 

"How will you stop your hair from getting wet?" 

"I'll lean out." 

Eddie laughs even more than he had been, peeling laughter that warms you from the inside out as he kisses your hand again. "That'll definitely work." 

Wayne clears his throat. 

"Shower's hot. I'm going out. For an hour." Eddie perks up. His uncle looks him dead in the eye. "Don't make me regret this." 

And while Wayne had been under the impression you and Eddie were gonna have some grown up fun together in the shower, what you really do is an innocent act of affection: you wash Eddie's hair. 

"You have to lean your head back," you chide. 

"I am." 

"More than that." 

"There's no room." 

You're lucky you both fit. You're freezing standing behind Eddie, the only relief the warm water that trickles down from your hands to your elbows as you draw circles in his scalp, working the shampoo into a fine lather. 

"How did you get blood here?" you ask, scratching rusty flakes from the hair behind his ear. 

"I don't know. It gets everywhere. Like eyeshadow." 

You push your chin over his shoulder. "You wear eyeshadow?" 

"For shows." 

"Really?"

"Is it hard to believe?" 

You encourage his head under the water and rake your hands through his curls, encouraging the soapy water down to the ends with patient hands. "Lip gloss too? Hey, can I do your makeup?" 

"Maybe tomorrow," he bargains. While the shower has helped to wake him up, lethargy remains thick and unshakeable as adamant. 

You kiss the wet ridge of his shoulder blade, picturing his pretty face decked out in dark liners and sticky balm. "Thank you." 

"I haven't worn any in a long time. Haven't played a show in a really long time." 

You wring the water out of his hair and search in the steam for his conditioner. It's mostly empty. "You could put on a show for me. I never got to see you play," you say, shaking it really hard. A dollop collects in your hand and you work the dregs through the ends of his long hair. 

"You want that?" 

"I think you're the best guitar player in the world." 

You're not joking. He's the best, and he plays guitar. And he's pretty good, semantics aside. You love sitting out on the porch with him and listening to him play old rock songs off the top of his head. You could watch his hands move over the strings for hours. 

"If that's the case, I can definitely put on a show. Make-up, costume, stage dives. The whole nine yards. Anything for my girl." 

You roll the ends of his hair between two coated palms and step back. "There. You have to let it soak in for a couple of minutes." 

Eddie turns with a grin, angling his chest and hair forward, away from the stream. 

"Whatever will we do?"

You wipe an escaped streak of blood off of his bottom lip and smile. "I have no idea." 

You kiss. Eddie leans down and you move up, damp noses glancing off of each other. You're used to short kisses, never enough to make his heart race in case it prompts an unnecessary appearance of his fangs, so when Eddie encourages your lips apart to wade in deeper you pull back questioningly. 

"Blood sate. I'm 'sated'. They won't come out." 

Your jaw drops. "For real?" 

He shakes his head with a pleased smile. "For real. Kiss me sick, sweetheart." 

You throw your arm around his neck and drag his face to yours, kissing with an ardency that both surprises and amuses him. He laughs into your open mouth until suddenly he's not laughing at all, only breathing, pushing against you with the same urgent force and the same adoring smile. 

"Does this mean you can give me a hickey?" you ask enthusiastically. Eddie has yet to give you a proper love bite.

He leans back under the show spray and pulls you in with him, laughing when you dissolve like rice paper in his arms, finally warm. There's never been a sweeter sound. 

/\^._.^/\

thank you for reading! | my masterlist | my halloween party

if you enjoyed reading his, please consider reblogging. i promise it makes a huge difference

[luckshmi]

Retrograde Planets in your Birth Chart

In Vedic astrology, retrograde planets in a natal chart carry deep significance and unique implications. A planet is deemed retrograde when it appears to move backward in the sky from Earth's perspective. This apparent reversal can alter the planet's energy, leading it to express itself differently than it would when moving direct. Retrograde planets often highlight areas in our lives where we have unresolved issues from past lives or where we need to focus more intently in this life. Understanding the benefits and challenges of retrograde planets can offer profound insights into your life's journey.

Mercury

Having Mercury retrograde in your birth chart means you process information and communicate in a unique way. You possess deep insights, particularly when it comes to introspection and understanding complex ideas. This can lead to innovative solutions and profound personal insights. However, communication can sometimes be tricky. You might find that others misunderstand you or that you have to work harder to express your thoughts clearly. Issues with technology or travel plans may also arise more frequently. To manage this, practice mindfulness and patience in your communication. Double-check important messages and take your time to articulate your thoughts. You can also calm your mind with Brahmi oil massages, an Ayurvedic practice that enhances clarity and cognitive function.

Venus

With Venus retrograde in your birth chart, you have a deep understanding of what you truly value in relationships and personal finances. This can lead to a stronger sense of self-worth and more meaningful connections. Your approach to beauty and aesthetics is unique and deeply personal. However, you might experience challenges in love and financial stability, feeling strain in relationships or difficulties with self-esteem. Focusing on self-love and healing past relationship wounds can be beneficial. Use Ayurvedic rose oil for self-massage to open your heart chakra and promote self-love, helping you attract healthier relationships and financial stability.

Mars

Mars retrograde in your natal chart endows you with inner strength and resilience. You can be strategic and thoughtful about how you use your energy and pursue your goals, making you a powerful force when you decide to act. However, there might be a sense of frustration or impatience, as it can feel like your efforts are often delayed or blocked. Channeling your energy into long-term projects and practicing patience can help. Regular physical activity, like yoga or Ayurveda-recommended exercises, can manage frustration and keep your energy balanced. Incorporating Ashwagandha supplements into your routine can also reduce stress and boost vitality.

Jupiter

Having Jupiter retrograde in your birth chart gives you a profound capacity for inner growth and spiritual wisdom. You’re likely to develop a strong set of beliefs and philosophies that guide you throughout life, making you wise beyond your years. However, external growth might feel slow, and opportunities for expansion could be limited, requiring you to work harder for your achievements. Focus on your inner journey and trust that external success will follow. Including turmeric in your diet promotes overall health and well-being, supporting both physical and spiritual growth.

Saturn

Saturn retrograde in your natal chart means you have a deep understanding of responsibility and discipline. This can help you build strong foundations in your life and deal with karma and past life issues effectively. However, you might feel increased pressure to revisit old fears and insecurities, and responsibilities could feel more burdensome. Embrace the opportunity to strengthen your foundations. Practice grounding techniques, like walking barefoot on grass, and use Ayurvedic grounding oils like sandalwood to help you stay balanced and focused.

Retrograde planets in your natal chart bring both challenges and unique strengths. Embrace the lessons they offer, and use these insights to grow and transform. By incorporating Ayurvedic practices, you can balance these energies and navigate their influences with greater ease. Remember, each retrograde planet offers an opportunity for profound personal growth and a deeper understanding of your life’s journey.

[lunarlianna]

Asteroid Lucifer in signs

Lucifer, originally a Latin term meaning "light-bringer" or "morning star," was first used to refer to the planet Venus. In Christian tradition, it became associated with a rebellious angel cast out of Heaven, conflated with Satan as the adversary of God. In Judaism, Satan is seen more as an accuser rather than a fallen angel, while in Islam, Iblis is a jinn who defies God. Across various cultures, Lucifer symbolizes both enlightenment and rebellion, embodying themes of defiance, pride, and the quest for knowledge. In astrology, Lucifer (1930) highlights where you defy rules, struggle with pride, and face personal challenges. It signifies independence, intellectual curiosity, and creativity while warning against arrogance and manipulation. This placement encourages bravery and risk-taking, often leading to nonconformity and challenging authority. By confronting these darker aspects, Lucifer helps you reconnect with your true self and inner light. When the asteroid Lucifer is conjunct the angles or personal planets, especially the Sun and Moon, it signifies a strong urge to defy norms and resist the mainstream. This can lead to feelings of anxiety or fears of being perceived negatively due to this nonconformity. When the asteroid Lucifer is conjunct key points in your chart, it brings specific challenges and insights. With the Sun, you need to trust your creativity and focus on the bigger picture rather than just yourself. The Moon conjunction urges you to rely on your intuition and express emotions freely, while striving for emotional stability. If Ascendant-conjunct, you may question your own identity and how others perceive you; avoid superficial judgments and trust yourself. A Descendant-conjunction suggests doubts about your relationships and the intentions of others; remember that not everyone seeks to harm you. To find Lucifer in your chart, go to Astro.com and enter 1930 into the asteroids which are found under the ‘extended charts’ option.

With Lucifer in Aries, you are inspired to innovate and lead with courage, breaking new ground and showcasing your individuality. You enjoy compliments, which can boost your ego but might also make you vain; be cautious not to let others' opinions overly affect your self-esteem. This placement can also lead to impulsive decisions and a tendency to challenge authority recklessly, potentially causing conflicts and making you seem self-centered or confrontational.

With Lucifer in Taurus, you’re driven to creatively enhance your security and comfort, bringing a unique approach to material and financial matters. This placement can make you proud of your possessions and achievements, but be careful not to become overly attached or resistant to change. While celebrating your successes, remember that your self-worth isn’t tied to your job or belongings, as losing them could affect your self-esteem.

With Lucifer in Gemini, you have a sharp, original mind and a knack for unconventional thinking and communication. This placement boosts your intellectual curiosity and creativity, driving you to explore new ideas and express yourself uniquely. However, it can also lead to inconsistency or duplicity, where scattered thoughts or manipulative tendencies might cause misunderstandings or trust issues. You excel academically and take pride in your achievements but may feel insecure in public speaking. Avoid relying too much on grades or others’ success; maintain your self-confidence even if you face setbacks.

With Lucifer in Cancer, you approach emotional expression and family dynamics with a unique, bold perspective. You may seek to redefine family roles and bring fresh insights to nurturing relationships. However, this placement can also lead to emotional defensiveness or manipulation, causing you to become overly sensitive or withdrawn. You take pride in your family, especially your mother and your home, as well as your sensitivity. Be mindful not to let these prideful feelings create insecurity about your true emotions or sense of belonging; strive for humility and balance.

With Lucifer in Leo, your creativity and self-expression are amplified, encouraging you to stand out and lead with boldness. This placement supports your personal projects and a unique leadership style that inspires others. However, it can also lead to excessive pride and a craving for admiration, potentially causing arrogance and impacting your relationships. You may receive a lot of praise for your creative efforts and take great pride in your children. Maintain a balanced view to prevent disappointment from unmet expectations or negative feedback.

With Lucifer in Virgo, you’re driven to approach problem-solving and daily routines with innovation and creativity. This placement enhances your ability to find unique solutions and improve efficiency and self-discipline. However, it can also lead to obsessive perfectionism and excessive self-criticism, causing stress and difficulty accepting imperfections. You may become fixated on your health and how much you help others, adhering to a strict routine and taking pride in your efforts. Remember not to base your self-worth solely on helping others or your routine; balance is key.

With Lucifer in Libra, you approach relationships and partnerships with a unique and unconventional perspective. This placement drives you to redefine harmony and balance, fostering innovative and equal connections that challenge traditional norms. However, it can also lead to indecisiveness or manipulation, with struggles to maintain appearances and potential imbalances in relationships. You may place too much of your self-worth on the success of your partnerships, feeling great when things are positive but worthless when they are not. Remember to love yourself first and not let your value be determined solely by your relationships.

With Lucifer in Scorpio, you are driven to explore deep transformation and understand life's mysteries with intensity and insight. This placement encourages you to challenge deeper truths and navigate power dynamics, but it can also lead to control issues and a tendency to delve into taboo topics manipulatively. Be cautious about who you open up to and who you form intimate connections with, as choosing the right person can bring a sense of pride, while the wrong choice may lead to guilt and shame.

With Lucifer in Sagittarius, you are driven to explore new philosophies and challenge conventional wisdom, seeking enlightenment and personal growth through adventure. This placement fuels your quest for knowledge and unconventional paths. However, it can also lead to recklessness or a dismissive attitude towards established norms, causing overconfidence and conflicts with others' beliefs. You might question your upbringing or wonder about different religious backgrounds. Embrace and delve deeply into your quest for knowledge and experiences, but avoid being superficial or overly critical.

With Lucifer in Capricorn, you’re inspired to pursue ambitious and unconventional career goals, challenging traditional paths and setting new standards for success. This placement fosters innovative approaches to authority and structure but can also lead to excessive rigidity or manipulation in your quest for power. You might become overly focused on success, which could cause isolation or ethical dilemmas. You may have doubts about authority figures or your career choice, and take great pride in your reputation and achievements. However, difficulties can affect your ego significantly.

With Lucifer in Aquarius, you’re driven to innovate and challenge societal norms, bringing a unique and progressive perspective to humanitarian and social issues. This placement encourages embracing unconventional ideas and advocating for change. However, it can also lead to detachment or rebelliousness, making it hard to form deep connections and potentially causing alienation due to your strong, unconventional beliefs. You take pride in your friendships and network, but relying too much on others for your self-worth can lead to disappointment.

With Lucifer in Pisces, you’re drawn to creative and spiritual exploration, using your intuitive insights for artistic or mystical pursuits. This placement enhances your empathy and compassion, and you take pride in your intuitive abilities or spiritual practices, such as astrology. However, be cautious not to let self-doubt undermine your intuition, especially if your spiritual insights aren’t immediately validated. On the flip side, this placement can lead to escapism or self-deception, making it challenging to face reality or maintain clear boundaries. Stay grounded and trust in your abilities while navigating life’s challenges.

[yuveenti-blog]

Astrology Observations: 🌔🏡 Moon in Houses🌔🏡

Disclaimer: Thank you for returning to my page; I hope you are finding value in the content I consistently create for you. I truly appreciate your support, including your likes, reblogs and follows, and I am grateful that you are engaging with this post. This message is intended for you, and if my interpretation of these placements does not resonate, feel free to disregard it. It is common for individuals to not connect with certain aspects of their chart, as each chart is unique, and some traits may be overshadowed by more dominant ones. This marks my second post in the series discussing the influence of different planets in the houses, with the next post focusing on Mercury in the houses.

Moon in 1st house: These individuals manage their emotions independently. They openly express their feelings but refuse to view them as a vulnerability. They draw strength from their emotions, allowing these feelings to guide many of their choices. Their emotional state can change rapidly; they prefer to discuss their feelings or confront them directly rather than dwell on them. Air signs often experience a conflict between logic and emotion, leading them to adopt a more subjective viewpoint. They may also be inconsistent in relationships, displaying a non-committal nature and moodiness. In contrast, earth signs navigate their emotions more swiftly and adopt a straightforward, no-nonsense attitude, expressing their feelings bluntly. Water signs can be intense and passionate but may struggle with emotional balance, often finding themselves in dramatic situations due to frequent mood swings. Fire signs generally feel more at home in this emotional landscape, though they risk becoming destructively emotional.

Moon in 2nd House: These individuals often become deeply connected to their emotional states, particularly the positive ones, as their self-worth is tied to feeling good internally. During emotionally stable periods, they may perceive themselves as more valuable, while facing lower self-esteem during times of depression, failure, or anger. This focus on maintaining emotional well-being can lead to a sense of emptiness during low periods. Air signs might neglect their emotions in their pursuit of their personal standards, potentially becoming repressive and overly rational. Earth signs tend to grapple with self-esteem, as their sense of balance is linked to their emotional state and life aspirations. Water signs frequently confront insecurities regarding their worth, struggling to manage negative emotions and often clinging to emotional states longer than necessary, which can create trust and security issues. Fire signs, on the other hand, typically experience a boost in confidence, driven by their natural assertiveness, but they may also wrestle with jealousy and insecurity, particularly towards those they admire or aspire to be like.

Moon in 3rd House: These individuals tend to be analytical and often require solitude to explore their identity independently. They rely on friends for emotional support and frequently find themselves in the role of the therapist, either offering or seeking a listening ear. A need for understanding drives them, and they feel unsettled when they cannot piece together their thoughts. For air signs, this can complicate emotional processing, leading to detachment as they analyze their feelings from a distance. They may struggle to connect with those who lack intellectual depth. Earth signs face similar challenges, often suppressing their emotions and becoming the go-to for advice. Water signs possess heightened intuition, blending feelings with intellect, but they risk confusing emotions with logic, leading to biases and dependency on others while sometimes appearing overly self-assured. Fire signs may experience a slowdown in this context, as their thoughts filter through the mind, which can enhance their self-expression but may also make them seem preachy or controlling, leaving little space for others to contribute.

Moon in 4th House: Individuals with this placement are always in search of emotional security, often surrounding themselves with trusted people or those from their past. They thrive on familiarity to maintain emotional stability, which can delay their ability to form new friendships or relationships. Many may have a comfort item to help them navigate stress or emotional challenges. These individuals are prone to anxiety and tend to manage their emotions best in their safe spaces. For air signs, this can lead to a more reserved demeanor, as they hold back their feelings, appearing warm and engaging only with family and close friends while seeming distant to others. Earth signs may project a calm and easygoing nature, avoiding drama and feeling uncomfortable with emotional openness, revealing their true selves only to those they trust. Water signs often retreat into solitude when feeling emotionally unbalanced, relying heavily on their close relationships for support during tough times. Fire signs may experience fluctuations in energy, becoming more temperamental with those closest to them while appearing moody and less dependable to outsiders. They might struggle with conflicting feelings about their life direction and the needs of those they care about, leading to uncertainty about their path.

Moon in 5th House: These individuals prioritize enjoyment and often find it difficult to confront their emotions, preferring to escape into pleasurable activities or distractions from reality. They tend to rely heavily on friends, partners, and family for emotional support, struggling to cultivate their own emotional health. This can lead to a tendency to become enmeshed with others' feelings instead of focusing on their own. Air signs, in particular, may find it challenging to process their emotions without seeking distractions, often getting caught up in entertainment as a way to avoid feeling. Earth signs share a similar inclination towards seeking entertainment, often resorting to shopping or spending excessively during tough times to escape their feelings. Water signs, on the other hand, may gravitate towards romantic relationships during difficult emotional periods but are prone to ignoring or suppressing negative emotions, sometimes turning to substances for relief. They may also engage in reckless sexual experiences as a means of escape, yet they can be very enjoyable companions. Fire signs, while focused on fun and pleasure, risk becoming overly self-indulgent, sometimes losing sight of the seriousness of life and their emotions, leading to emotional buildup.

Moon in 6th House: These individuals often feel a strong need to comprehend their emotions, sometimes to the extent that it resembles a full-time job. They are well-suited for roles such as therapists or psychoanalysts, as they tend to take healing seriously and seek therapy when facing personal issues. Problem solvers by nature, they are more inclined to pursue emotional well-being than others. For air signs, this placement can be challenging; while they excel in rational problem-solving, their airy nature may cloud their judgment, making it difficult to identify the best path for emotional growth. Overthinking can hinder their ability to resolve issues, complicating their emotional journey. In contrast, earth signs thrive in this placement due to their grounded approach, combining a desire to solve problems with practicality and realism, which facilitates their healing process. Water signs may struggle, as their need for emotional fluidity clashes with the structure required for resolution. Fire signs in this position might face challenges due to their quick emotional shifts, which can hinder the natural flow of their feelings and lead to an excessive focus on their emotions.

Moon in 7th House: These individuals struggle with understanding their emotions due to an inability to recognize their own emotional state as distinct. They often gauge their feelings based on the moods of those around them; for instance, being with cheerful and calm people can lead them to feel positive, while being around negative or dramatic individuals can bring them down. This creates a fragile connection between their emotions and those of others. Air signs face particular challenges in this regard, as their tendency to overthink can lead to cynicism, especially in unhelpful environments. In contrast, earth signs are better equipped to manage their emotions, as they can maintain a sense of grounding and filter their feelings more effectively. Water signs, however, may find it difficult to set emotional boundaries due to their empathetic nature, often neglecting their own needs. Fire signs also encounter challenges, as their natural enthusiasm can wane in the presence of unsupportive people, leading to feelings of emptiness if their energy is not reciprocated.

Moon in 8th House: These individuals experience heightened emotional intensity due to their fluctuating emotional states, often remaining entrenched in prolonged feelings that can skew negative, particularly in this challenging placement. They grapple with their darker qualities, which can lead to a sense of alienation from the collective, making them feel distinct and somewhat out of place. This heaviness often prompts them to withdraw or become more private as a means of emotional protection. For air signs, navigating these intense emotions can be particularly tough, as they may prefer to focus on external matters rather than their own emotional landscape. Earth signs, while also facing challenges in grounding themselves, may find it easier to detach from these darker states and perceive reality more clearly. In contrast, water signs often feel overwhelmed by the emotional weight of this placement, leading to a constant intensity in their emotional experiences. This placement poses particular challenges for fire signs, as their natural enthusiasm and zest for life are muted by its darkness. It can be tough to maintain a positive outlook, and expressing their inherent fiery energy often becomes a struggle due to this dampening effect.

Moon in 9th House: Individuals with this placement possess a distinctive ability to perceive their emotional landscape, enabling them to gain deeper self-understanding than most, while also offering insights that others may lack. This placement is closely tied to faith, leading these individuals to often embrace religious or spiritual practices as a means of grounding themselves and harnessing their emotional strengths. For air signs, this placement is advantageous, as it fosters a unique outlook on emotions, allowing them to recover quickly and move forward with a positive mindset. Earth signs also benefit from this placement, as it provides a balanced perspective that helps them remain grounded without succumbing to overly optimistic or spiritual practices. Water signs thrive here due to their heightened perception and intuition, making them deeply attuned to their emotions. Fire signs, too, find this placement beneficial, as it equips them with emotional wisdom and enthusiasm, resulting in a confident and bold approach to life.

Moon in 10th House: These individuals often prioritize their public persona to the extent that their true emotions become disconnected from how they present themselves. They may appear confident and sociable outwardly, yet behind closed doors, they can feel deeply insecure and fearful. Conversely, they might project a strong, aggressive demeanor while internally grappling with vulnerability and emotional turmoil. This constant struggle leads them to mask their true feelings, adapting their emotional expressions to fit their surroundings or goals. Air signs, in particular, face challenges as they tend to rationalize their emotions, often neglecting their true feelings in pursuit of their ambitions. This lack of emotional awareness is compounded by their focus on external perceptions rather than introspection. Earth signs in this position face challenges as they lack a genuine connection to their emotions, often prioritizing stability and practicality over feelings. Their focus on maintaining a certain image leads them to neglect their emotional needs. Water signs, on the other hand, experience significant difficulty in this dynamic, as their natural emotional depth conflicts with the need to maintain a certain public image, leading to potential repression or explosive emotional outbursts. Fire signs are well-suited for this position due to their inherent confidence, boldness, and sociability. Their enthusiasm for life drives them to present a positive self-image, and this placement allows them to channel that fiery energy into more productive endeavors.

Moon in 11th House: These individuals often exhibit unrealistic emotional perspectives, as their attention is primarily directed towards collective concerns rather than their own feelings. This focus on friends, family, and the broader world can create a significant disconnect between their internal emotions and their ongoing contemplation of external circumstances. As a result, they may become emotionally detached, failing to recognize their true feelings or those of the people they care about. This tendency leads to a projection of ideals onto others instead of accepting reality. Air signs particularly struggle in this regard, as their tendency to overthink exacerbates feelings of delusion regarding their thoughts and emotions. In contrast, Earth signs tend to remain grounded, allowing them to better understand the genuine emotions of those around them. Water signs, however, may find themselves caught in the idealism of the 11th house, which can lead to delusions due to their strong emotional nature. Fire signs are often supportive of others but may neglect their own well-being, resulting in personal suffering while they ensure those around them thrive.

Moon in 12th House: These Individuals often experience significant emotional turmoil from a young age, leading to a persistent heaviness in their feelings and confusion about their true emotions. They may feel isolated or out of place, struggling with mental health challenges and the quest for their identity, particularly in processing past traumas. For air signs, this placement can be particularly challenging, as their tendency to rationalize and intellectualize emotions can result in overthinking and mental health issues. In contrast, earth signs benefit from this placement more, as it grounds them and allows for a clearer understanding of their identity and goals. Water and fire signs face the most difficulties in the 12th house; water signs may escape their emotional pain through substances, avoiding confrontation with their turmoil, while fire signs often find their natural enthusiasm dampened by a pervasive sense of gloom, making it hard to maintain their energy and positivity.

[theambitiouswoman]

Personal Fulfillment: What it is & what it isn't

Personal fulfillment is essential because it contributes to your overall wellbeing, happiness, and a sense of purpose in life. It provides you with a sense of meaning and direction, helping you align your actions with your values and aspirations. When people have personal fulfillment, it boosts their self-esteem, and self-confidence. It brings a sense of accomplishment, happiness, and fulfillment, leading to greater life satisfaction. Personal fulfillment fuels motivation, driving people to pursue their goals and dreams with persistence and resilience. It also has a positive impact on our relationships, as fulfilled individuals bring positivity and fulfillment into their interactions, resulting in healthy connections.

Conversely, those who lack personal fulfillment may feel lost, dissatisfied, and purposeless, leading to emotional distress, strained relationships, increased stress, and missed opportunities for growth and personal development. Pursuing personal fulfillment is crucial for living a fulfilling and rewarding life.

What personal fulfillment is:

Pursuing your passion: Engaging in activities or pursuing goals that align with your passions and interests. For example, if you love writing, starting a blog or writing a book can bring you a sense of fulfillment.

Setting and achieving meaningful goals: Setting goals that are meaningful to you and working towards achieving them. This could be completing a degree, starting a business, or making a positive impact in your community.

Building and maintaining meaningful relationships: Cultivating relationships with family, friends, and loved ones and investing time and effort in nurturing those connections can bring a sense of fulfillment and happiness.

Continuous personal growth: Committing to lifelong learning and personal development. It can be achieved through acquiring new skills, expanding your knowledge, or challenging yourself to step out of your comfort zone.

Making a positive impact: Contributing to the well-being of others or the greater good. This could be through volunteering, supporting charitable causes, or working in a career that allows you to make a positive difference in the world.

What personal fulfillment isn't:

Chasing external validation: It is not solely dependent on seeking approval or validation from others. It is about finding inner satisfaction and contentment rather than constantly seeking external praise or recognition.

Material possessions: It is not about material wealth or accumulating possessions. While material comfort can enhance certain aspects of life, fulfillment comes from experiences, personal growth, and meaningful connections.

Comparing yourself to others: Personal fulfillment does not come from constantly comparing yourself to others and measuring your worth based on their achievements or possessions. It is about recognizing and appreciating your unique journey and individual progress.

Settling for mediocrity: It is not about settling for a life that feels unfulfilling or unchallenging. It involves actively seeking growth, setting high standards for yourself, and striving for excellence in areas that are important to you.

Ignoring self-care: You cannot achieve personal fulfillment if you neglect your own physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Taking care of yourself, prioritizing self-care, and maintaining a healthy work-life balance are crucial.

[pearlprincess02]

taurus sun 11H, virgo moon 4H, cancer rising, gemini mercury 12H, gemini venus 12H, aries mars 10H

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ 𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒐𝒘 ↓↓↓ ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

cancer rising / 1st house:

cancer rising: soft, nurturing, gentle, motherly, warm, caring, sympathetic, protective, homely, kind-hearted, sentimental, supportive, emotional, family-oriented, approachable, intuitive, hospitable, reflective, sensible, shy, nostalgic, reserved, artistic, sensitive, imaginative, peaceful, modest, graceful, adaptable, maternal,

cancer 1st house: a cancer rising makes a warm and welcoming first impression on everyone they meet. their gentle demeanor and kind smile immediately put others at ease. a cancer rising individual is deeply empathetic and always there to support their friends through their toughest times. they're known for their nurturing nature and emotional sensitivity. they can be quite moody, but they're also incredibly caring and attentive to the needs of those around them. they adjust their approach based on others' emotions. they value family above all else. their outlook on life is centered around creating a secure and loving environment for their loved ones, emphasizing emotional bonds and stability. they prioritize their emotional well-being and seek comfort and security in their relationships. they invest time in nurturing their personal connections and ensuring everyone feels supported.

leo 2nd house:

leo 2nd house: leo in the 2nd house shapes an individual whose sense of self-worth and values is deeply intertwined with creativity, recognition, and luxury. these individuals take pride in their possessions, often favoring items that reflect their unique style and flair for the dramatic. they derive self-esteem from their ability to attract wealth and resources, showcasing their talents and leadership qualities. earning is viewed as a means to enhance their status and enjoy life's pleasures, leading to generous spending habits on quality goods that bolster their image. their wealth is seen as a testament to their creativity and ability to manifest abundance, although they may occasionally indulge in lavish expenditures. overall, leo in the 2nd house instills a confident and charismatic approach to finances, emphasizing self-expression, luxury, and the pursuit of personal value and recognition.

leo 3rd house:

virgo chiron: virgo chiron represents a journey of healing and transformation deeply rooted in self-criticism, practicality, and service. individuals with this placement often embody the archetype of the wounded healer, using their analytical and methodical approach to heal both themselves and others. they may struggle with chronic health issues or inner wounds related to perfectionism and over-criticism. through their pain, they discover hidden gifts in problem-solving, efficiency, and attention to detail. their healing journey involves addressing core issues with humility and integrating their suffering into practical wisdom. virgo chiron individuals excel in holistic health practices, finding healing through routine, organization, and meticulous self-care rituals. they often become mentors or teachers who guide others through similar challenges, offering insights gained from their own experiences of transformation and growth.

chiron in 3rd house: communication healing, mental health, healing through words, sibling relationships, learning through pain, healing through writing, inner dialogue, childhood wounds, curiosity healing, communication barriers, hidden talents, painful thoughts, healing through learning, mental agility, problem-solving skills, self-expression healing, healing through teaching, overcoming communication issues, creative writing, learning from suffering

leo 3rd house: leo in the 3rd house with virgo chiron, blends expressive communication with a healing journey. these individuals excel in creative self-expression, infused with warmth and confidence. they may have faced challenges in communication or learning, but through creativity and self-awareness, they heal these wounds and discover hidden talents in writing, speaking, or performing. their journey involves embracing their unique voice and using it to inspire others, turning past pains into sources of strength and wisdom.

virgo 4th house:

virgo moon: the virgo moon influences emotions through a lens of practicality and analytical thinking, often leading to a reserved approach to expressing feelings. daily habits are meticulously organized and focused on efficiency, providing a sense of comfort and security. intuition is grounded in logic and keen observation of details, shaping decisions with a methodical approach. unconscious behaviors reflect a constant quest for self-improvement, coupled with a nurturing instinct that seeks to be helpful and supportive in practical ways.

moon in 4th house: emotions, maternal instincts, sensitivity, nostalgia, domesticity, privacy, emotional roots, intuition, psychic sensitivity, subconscious patterns, home comforts, family bonds, caretaking, protective instincts, sentimentality, inner security, comfort-seeking, habit formation.

virgo 4th house: in virgo's 4th house, private life, childhood, and family are deeply influenced by a sense of meticulousness and practicality. individuals with virgo moon here often recall a childhood marked by a need for order and routine. the family environment may have emphasized practical skills, health consciousness, and attention to detail. there's a strong desire for a functional and efficient home life, where nurturing is expressed through acts of service and caregiving. emotional security is sought through maintaining a tidy and organized household, reflecting virgo's methodical approach to familial bonds and personal comfort.

scorpio 5th house:

scorpio jupiter: with jupiter in scorpio, faith, luck, optimism, and success take on a transformative intensity. Individuals with this placement often possess a deep-seated belief in their ability to overcome challenges and delve into life's mysteries. they approach success with a keen understanding of power dynamics and the unseen forces at play. their optimism is grounded in their ability to navigate intense emotional landscapes and harness hidden potentials. luck often manifests through their ability to transform difficult situations into opportunities for growth and empowerment. their faith in themselves and in the universe's capacity for regeneration fuels their pursuit of profound and meaningful achievements in life.

jupiter in 5th house: creativity, expression, joy, playfulness, confidence, enthusiasm, risk-taking, luck, expansion, generosity, self-expression, entertainment, speculation, growth, abundance, leadership, optimism, romance, passion, performance, gambling, artistry, adventure, charisma, freedom, inspiration, boldness, self-belief, success, celebration

scorpio pluto: with pluto in scorpio, themes of power, manipulation, obsessions, and transformation dominate the individual's life journey. those with this placement often possess an intense desire to delve into the depths of human experience, seeking to understand the darker aspects of power dynamics and psychological forces. they may be drawn to roles where they can wield influence or uncover hidden truths, sometimes resorting to manipulative tactics to achieve their goals. obsessions and compulsions are common, as they are driven to uncover and transform the underlying motivations and secrets that govern life's mysteries. this placement signifies a profound capacity for personal and collective transformation, where individuals undergo deep inner changes that lead to rebirth and empowerment, often through confronting and integrating their deepest fears and desires.

pluto in 5th house: intensity, passion, creativity, drama, control, power struggles, obsessions, compulsions, artistic expression, transformation, inner child healing, sexual energy, secret affairs, deep emotional investments, psychological depth, catharsis, regeneration, influence, manipulative tendencies, power games, dark creativity, taboo pleasures, self-expression, ego dissolution, spiritual evolution, introspection, reinvention, desire for recognition, inner strength, radical self-expression,

scorpio north node: the scorpio north node charts a path of deep transformation and spiritual growth. it challenges individuals to confront fears, embrace vulnerability, and uncover profound truths within themselves. this journey empowers them to cultivate inner strength, resilience, and a transformative presence in their lives and relationships. this transformative journey encourages individuals to harness scorpio's qualities of resilience and intuition, guiding them towards a deeper understanding of their personal power and spiritual evolution. embracing their innate capacity for healing and profound self-discovery, they emerge with a profound ability to navigate life's complexities and inspire transformative change in their path forward.

north node in 5th house: creativity, self-expression, playfulness, joy, romance, children, risk-taking, confidence, authenticity, passion, artistry, drama, leadership, fun, speculation, entertainment, individuality, inner child, heart-centered, self-discovery, pleasure, self-confidence, expression, generosity, celebration, courage, fame, performance, innovation, creative fulfillment,

scorpio vertex: the scorpio vertex represents a profound intersection of fate, karma, destiny, and future potentials in an individual's life. positioned in scorpio, it signifies transformative and often intense encounters that shape one's path. this placement suggests that significant life events and relationships are destined to catalyze deep emotional and psychological growth. individuals may experience profound karmic connections or encounters that challenge them to confront their shadows and embrace personal transformation. the scorpio vertex urges them to delve into the mysteries of life and death, unlocking hidden truths and harnessing their innate resilience and determination to fulfill their spiritual and personal destiny. this journey is marked by intense emotional experiences and a profound sense of purpose as they navigate their path towards greater self-awareness and spiritual evolution.

vertex in 5th house: creative destiny, karmic romance, fated self-expression, artistic calling, dramatic encounters, passionate connections, playful destiny, children's influence, speculative ventures, creative karma, fame potential, romantic destiny, expressive fate, joyful encounters, future creativity, heart-centered destiny, karmic pleasure, creative expression, dramatic destiny, playful fate, artistic destiny, destiny in entertainment, fateful children, romantic future, expressive karma, creative potential, future self-expression, karmic joy, destiny in performance, fated artistic pursuits,

scorpio part of fortune: the scorpio part of fortune brings a potent blend of charisma, worldly success, joy, and well-being into the lives of those it influences. individuals with this placement possess a magnetic allure that draws others to them, often wielding influence and power with a compelling intensity. their journey to success is marked by deep emotional resilience and a profound understanding of life's mysteries. they find joy and fulfillment through transformative experiences and uncovering hidden truths, leading to a sense of inner well-being rooted in their ability to navigate complexity with grace. this placement encourages them to embrace their personal power and emotional depth, paving the way for both material achievements and spiritual growth. as they harness their charismatic energy and intuitive insights, they often find themselves on a path to profound personal fulfillment and worldly success.

part of fortune in 5th house: charismatic magnetism, creative fulfillment, playful success, artistic joy, expression, entertainment, fame, romance, children's happiness, passionate pursuits, creative abundance, joyful creativity, self-expression, pleasure, confidence, success in speculation, dramatic flair, happiness, personal power, well-being, creative satisfaction, leadership in creativity, playfulness, self-discovery, artistic talent, inner child joy, prosperity, fun, vitality, life's enjoyment,

scorpio 5th house: in scorpio's 5th house, romance, children, creativity, talent, and pleasure intertwine with intense and transformative energy. with scorpio's jupiter, pluto, north node, vertex, and part of fortune here, individuals experience profound depths in their romantic relationships, marked by passionate and sometimes transformative connections. their approach to love and creativity is infused with a deep understanding of emotional dynamics and a desire for authenticity. children are viewed as catalysts for personal growth and change, with parenting taking on a transformative role. creative expression is a powerful outlet for them, often tinged with intensity and driven by a desire to explore hidden truths and deeper meanings. their artistic talents are potent and often serve as vehicles for emotional catharsis and personal evolution. pleasure is sought through deep, meaningful experiences that resonate on a soul level, rather than superficial indulgences. they find joy in exploring the mysteries of life and uncovering hidden potentials within themselves and their creative endeavors. this placement encourages them to embrace their inner power and transformative potential, leading to a life rich in emotional depth, creative fulfillment, and profound connections in both romance and artistic pursuits.

sagittarius 6th house:

sagittarius 6th house: in sagittarius' 6th house, self-improvement is a dynamic quest driven by a spirited pursuit of knowledge and personal growth through travel and education. they approach work with enthusiasm and adaptability, thriving in diverse and expansive environments. health is a priority, with a holistic approach that includes outdoor activities and alternative healing. challenges from competitors foster resilience, while their caretaking extends to advocating for justice and education, enriching their cultural understanding and personal development.

capricorn 7th house:

capricorn uranus: capricorn uranus embodies radical change, promoting social awareness, liberation, and independence. they challenge traditional norms with innovative approaches, aiming for lasting societal impact. advocating for equality, autonomy, and sustainable progress, they pioneer reforms in business, government, and social structures to create a more equitable and liberated society.

uranus in 7th house: relationship revolution, partnership dynamics, change in relationships, unconventional unions, social justice, equality, liberation in partnerships, independence in relationships, progressive partnerships, radical diplomacy, collective consciousness, innovation in relationships, breakthrough collaborations, unpredictable alliances, freedom in commitments, experimental unions, boundary-pushing connections, reforming partnerships, social activism in relationships, unorthodox partnerships, equality in marriage, partnership evolution, liberation through partnerships, independent collaborations, partnership breakthroughs, embracing diversity in relationships, humanitarian partnerships, collective liberation, advocacy for justice in relationships, harmonizing independence

capricorn neptune: capricorn neptune blends dreams, fantasy, deception, and imagination. individuals navigate ambitious aspirations with practicality, tempered by a tendency towards illusion and potential deception. balancing creativity with realism, they strive for meaningful achievements amidst challenges of perception and clarity, aiming to harness their visionary potential for grounded success.

neptune in 7th house: romantic idealism, relationship fantasies, illusions in partnerships, deceptive alliances, compassionate connections, dreamy partnerships, artistic collaborations, unrealistic expectations, imaginative diplomacy, spiritual unions, boundaries in relationships, fantasy in marriage, harmonious illusions, creative compromises, idealized partnerships, mystical bonds, deceptive harmony, escapist relationships, intuitive connections, confusion in partnerships, surreal partnerships, compassionate deceit, ethereal unions, illusory commitment, partnership fantasies, healing connections, spiritual guidance in relationships, romantic illusions, fantasy weddings, imagined harmony

capricorn 7th house:in capricorn's 7th house, partnerships blend practical needs with idealistic desires influenced by uranus and neptune. individuals here seek stable, cooperative relationships, balancing independence with the need for mutual support. they approach marriage with a serious commitment to both practical considerations and spiritual aspirations, aiming for enduring bonds that foster mutual growth. however, challenges such as hidden agendas or romantic illusions can complicate relationship dynamics. trust issues may arise, requiring individuals to establish clear boundaries and navigate uncertainties with resilience. with uranus promoting unconventional approaches and neptune fostering romantic idealism, there's a dynamic tension between stability and unpredictability in their partnerships. navigating these complexities involves integrating practicality with visionary ideals, fostering a balance that allows for both security and emotional depth. this placement encourages individuals to explore the transformative potential within relationships while remaining grounded in their long-term goals and aspirations for meaningful connection.

aquarius 8th house:

aquarius 8th house:in aquarius' 8th house, intimacy and sexual activities are approached with intellectual curiosity and a preference for unconventional experiences. individuals prioritize emotional depth alongside mental stimulation in relationships. they view joint resources and inheritance through a lens of collective responsibility, often supporting progressive causes and engaging in innovative financial endeavors that align with their humanitarian values. this placement encourages exploring non-traditional forms of intimacy and shared wealth, fostering relationships grounded in mutual respect and a commitment to societal impact.

aquarius 9th house:

pisces saturn: pisces saturn brings a disciplined approach to life, emphasizing karma, maturity, and spiritual growth. individuals with this placement navigate responsibilities with introspection, balancing compassion with a structured approach to creativity and emotional expression. challenges shape their resilience, deepening their understanding of life's complexities and fostering wisdom and integrity in their journey towards spiritual fulfillment and personal evolution.

saturn in 9th house: philosophical discipline, moral authority, structured beliefs, spiritual maturity, academic rigor, practical wisdom, karmic lessons, legal responsibilities, cultural boundaries, ethical framework, higher education, long-distance travel, teaching discipline, religious authority, intellectual growth, discipline in beliefs, respect for tradition, learning challenges, integrity, patience with ideals, philosophical depth, duty to principles, lawful behavior, commitment to truth, overseas ventures, conservative viewpoints,wisdom through experience, disciplined exploration, mentorship roles, authority in academia

aquarius 9th house: in aquarius' 9th house, higher education, adventure, culture, morals, and beliefs are approached with intellectual curiosity and humanitarian values, influenced by pisces saturn. individuals seek knowledge that challenges norms, pursuing adventurous journeys to broaden cultural understanding and deepen empathy for diverse perspectives worldwide. they uphold ethical principles with discipline and compassion, navigating the complexities of global issues with a commitment to progressive contributions and the promotion of a more inclusive and just society. this placement encourages lifelong learning and the exploration of unconventional philosophies, fostering a balanced approach to personal growth and societal impact.

pisces 10th house:

aries mars: aries mars fuels individuals with intense passion, anger, desire, and drive. they approach life with enthusiasm and courage, driven by a strong need for independence and assertiveness. in relationships, they seek excitement and adventure, balancing loyalty with spontaneity and navigating challenges with resilience and determination. this placement encourages them to channel their fiery energy into productive pursuits while learning to temper impulsiveness with strategic action.

mars in 10th house: career ambition, professional zeal, leadership drive, ambitious goals, competitive spirit, workplace conflict, determined success, executive energy, career aggression, authority challenges, achievement-oriented, workaholic tendencies, strategic maneuvers, public recognition, career frustrations, high expectations, goal-oriented actions, assertive leadership, career drive, power struggles, professional challenges, workplace passion, career dedication, assertive ambitions, professional conflicts, career aspirations, executive authority, workplace energy, drive for success, leadership initiative,

pisces 10th house: in pisces' 10th house, career, status, public image, and employment are influenced by a blend of sensitivity and assertiveness, with aries mars adding dynamic energy. Individuals with this placement may excel in careers that involve creativity, spirituality, or healing arts, such as art therapy, music, or spiritual counseling. their professional path is often marked by a desire to make a meaningful impact on others' lives, driven by compassion and intuition. however, the presence of aries mars also suggests a proactive approach to career advancement and leadership roles. they may thrive in competitive environments where their assertiveness and drive propel them forward, seeking positions that allow them to take initiative and make bold decisions. public image and status are shaped by their compassionate and empathetic nature, often earning them a reputation for kindness and understanding. they may be drawn to roles that require them to be a voice for the underprivileged or advocate for social causes. employment opportunities may involve navigating challenges related to assertiveness and sensitivity, requiring them to strike a balance between assertive action and compassionate leadership in their professional endeavors.

taurus 11th house:

taurus sun: taurus sun individuals embody a stable ego and character rooted in practicality and perseverance. they express themselves through tangible creativity and value loyalty, tradition, and material comfort. their calm confidence and steadfast approach to life reflect their deep-seated values and commitment to authenticity in all aspects of their personal and professional endeavors.

sun in 11th house: social identity, group involvement, friendship influence, collective ego, humanitarian spirit, networking skills, social influence, progressive identity, idealistic persona, community involvement, visionary leadership, innovative self-expression, eccentric identity, charismatic presence, group dynamics, future aspirations, public persona, unconventional ego, friendship values, networking opportunities, unique self-expression, philanthropic identity, collective goals, leadership in groups, visionary thinking, social activism, individuality within groups, creative collaboration, humanitarian goals, identity through social causes,

taurus lilith: taurus lilith evokes intense seduction, obsession, hidden desires, addiction, and raw passion. Individuals with this placement exude sensual allure and seek physical and material gratification. they navigate a fine line between indulgence and restraint, driven by a persistent pursuit of sensual fulfillment and security. this placement encourages them to explore the depths of their desires while maintaining balance and self-awareness in their quest for personal satisfaction.

lilith in 11th house: unconventional seduction, group dynamics, social obsession, hidden group desires, community addiction, collective passion, rebellion in friendships, charismatic allure, group influence, radical desires, social justice obsessions, idealistic addiction, progressive passion, friendship seduction, hidden agendas in groups, eccentric desires, networking obsession, community-based addiction, group identity crisis, shared passions, non-conformist allure, collective craving, charismatic rebellion, social experimentation, friendship intensity, unconventional desires, social empowerment, addiction to social causes, unique passion, group dynamic challenges,

taurus 11th house: in taurus' 11th house, friendships, social life, dreams, and social causes take on a grounded and enduring quality, influenced by both taurus sun and lilith. individuals with this placement value stable and loyal friendships, often forming lasting bonds based on shared values and reliability. they enjoy a social life centered around comfort and enjoyment, preferring gatherings that provide a sense of security and pleasure. their dreams and aspirations are pragmatic yet deeply rooted in their personal desires for stability and material security. they may pursue goals related to financial independence, tangible achievements, or creating a comfortable environment for themselves and their loved ones. in social causes, they are drawn to efforts that promote practical solutions and tangible outcomes, such as environmental conservation, sustainable living, or community support initiatives. their commitment to social causes is grounded in their desire to create lasting impact and improve the quality of life for others, reflecting their steadfast and methodical approach to achieving societal goals. overall, taurus in the 11th house encourages individuals to cultivate reliable friendships, pursue practical dreams, and engage meaningfully in social causes that align with their values of stability, comfort, and tangible progress in the community.

gemini 12th house:

gemini mercury: mercury in gemini individuals possess a vibrant and agile thinking style, marked by curiosity and a love for learning. their communication is characterized by rapid-fire exchanges, often jumping from topic to topic with ease, and they excel in conveying ideas with clarity and charm. logic is a cornerstone of their thought process, allowing them to analyze situations from multiple angles and make decisions swiftly. their mentality thrives on intellectual stimulation and variety, making them adept at adapting to new information and engaging in lively debates.

mercury in 12th house: introspective, intuitive, reflective, subconscious, spiritual, mystical, imaginative, symbolic, non-verbal, psychic, compassionate, empathetic, sensitive, insightful, dreamy, artistic, creative, abstract, indirect, meditative, transcendent, ethereal, hidden meanings, intuitive logic, unconscious, soulful, gentle, symbolism, wisdom, emotional intelligence

gemini venus: venus in gemini individuals approach love with a lighthearted and playful attitude, valuing intellectual connection and stimulating conversation in their relationships. they find comfort in variety and spontaneity, often seeking partners who keep them mentally engaged and constantly intrigued. their sense of beauty is eclectic and adaptable, appreciating diversity in aesthetics and enjoying exploring different forms of artistic expression. in relationships, gemini venus placements prioritize communication and shared interests, fostering a dynamic and ever-evolving bond based on mutual curiosity and understanding.

venus in 12th house: compassionate love, unconditional love, romantic ideals, subconscious desires, spiritual connection, intuitive attractions, empathetic relationships, hidden beauty, ethereal aesthetics, surreal romance, imaginative partnerships, boundless compassion, universal love, romantic fantasies, inner peace through love, creative expression in relationships, introspective affections, emotionally sensitive bonds, artistic connections, spiritual harmony, dreamy love life, healing through relationships, transcendent beauty,unseen attractions, private intimacy, intuitive understanding, gentle affection, unspoken desires, unconditional acceptance, subtle gestures,

gemini 12th house: in the complex realm of the gemini 12th house, individuals navigate a landscape marked by paradoxical themes of self-undoing and healing. here, solitude becomes a sanctuary where they retreat to unravel the intricacies of their subconscious mind. secrets are both burdens and catalysts for growth, offering opportunities for profound introspection and self-discovery. sacrifice takes on a nuanced form, where they may find themselves sacrificing personal desires for the sake of others or for spiritual fulfillment. karma weaves its threads through their life, influencing their experiences and relationships with a sense of poetic justice. with gemini mercury and venus in this house, their intellectual curiosity and penchant for meaningful connections imbue their journey with a quest for understanding the mysteries within themselves and the world around them.

@loveyourkisses20-blog

all observations are done by me !!! @pearlprincess02

[om0000]

⚠️ sorta longass post

i like the characterization of Peepers' n Wander's dynamic where Peepers fucking hates Wander's guts n wants him dead i think its funny asf but also like. what if he doesnt. cuz Wander is a lot of things to Peepers, his boss' most hated enemy (that he needs to capture but doesn't half of the time cuz he sees it as a waste of time), an inconvenience to account for in his brilliant plans (which he doesnt do at first, ex. The Brainstorm, but later even incorporates Wander into his plans sometimes, ex. The Showstoppers, My Fair Hatey), the idiot friend of his Esteemed Rival, a tactical weakness("pure unadulterated love") that he needs to train the watchdogs out of, ect ect, but that's all through the lens of either his job or other people. i dont think Peepers actually personally hates Wander. if they existed in a vacuum bro would have no beef with him at all. and i don't think he does? id even say Peepers barely knows him enough to form a personal opinion abt him. i might even dare to say Peepers didn't even actually begin to acknowledge Wanders intelligence n the purposefulness behind his actions in The Prisoner. the fact that he continues to disregard n underestimate Wander (again ex. The Brainstorm n more) could suggest that him admitting that Wander is a "cunning, sly and crafty genius" back then was only to convince Hater to deactivate the self-destruct. n u could argue that his disregard of him is pretty reasonable especially compared to how outrageous Hater's concerns w him sound even if theyre real (ex. The Axe, The It, The Brainstorm n more) but i feel like it goes beyond that sometimes. Peepers refuses to acknowledge him as a real threat, refuses to see his strengths and, i feel like, refuses to actually get to know him. even from an enemy standpoint, yk keep ur friends close n ur enemies closer, n it probably has its roots in his shaky pride in his own intellect n hence self worth(i think its so fucking funny n also kinda pathetic how during That's how we'll get her when him n Sylvia were striking poses in the last chorus he pointed at his fucking head, oh he wants to be the brains to her brawn soooooo bad) that would falter if he admits to himself that WANDER of all ppl is a genius, n that's smth that comes to bite him in the ass often — but imagine if he did. imagine him starting to realize stuff abt Wander, begin to understand him, willingly or not. imagine him getting to know Wander, without the lense of everything else they got going on. i think that just has so much potential for enhancing their dynamic n is so interesting... n ill probably never actually do anything abt it but its rlly fun to think abt. like imagine. imagine that

[sweetasadaisy]

Glowing up: A journey towards self-improvement

The reason I want to glow up is because I am determined to make positive changes in my life. I want to improve my health, enhance my appearance, and become a better version of myself. For as long as I can remember, I've been lazy, mediocre, self-destructive and unkind. But I refuse to be like that any longer. With hard work and dedication, I know I can transform myself into someone I'm proud of. I know it won't be easy, but I'm ready to take on the challenge and become the best possible version of myself.

Part 1:Physical wellness

Inspiration:Pink Pilates Princess and Green Juice Girl

The physical aspect of glowing up goes beyond aesthetics. Although, I won't deny that the main reason is doing it. It's about feeling strong, energized, and confident in your skin. I struggle with chronic migraines, fatigue and Self-destructive behaviours. My self-destructive behaviours are things I unconsciously do to make myself unattractive like binge eating because I want to be skinny but my brain doesn't want me to be skinny because it knows it will make me happy and unconsciously I don't want to be happy. I also cut my hair short because I love long hair and I cut my hair every time it gets long because I secretly hate myself and don't want to be happy. (This probably belongs in the mental wellness part.)My plan to improve my physical health is to lose weight gained from years of binging and become fit.

Goals

Lose almost 30lbs by

Eating porpotioned healthily balanced meals(<1450kcals)

Taking my vitamins

Exercising at least 3hrs a week

Getting 10k steps a day

Sleep at 11pm at latest and wake up at 5/6 am

Develop a skincare routine

Grow my hair back to waist length

Part 2:Mental, Emotional and social wellness

Inspiration:That girl and Clean girl

Mental health is the cornerstone of glowing up. It involves cultivating a positive mindset, managing stress, and fostering resilience. Emotional health involves understanding and managing our emotions in a healthy way. It's about cultivating self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, and developing coping strategies for life's challenges. Social health involves building and maintaining meaningful relationships, setting boundaries, and fostering a sense of belonging. I have struggled with my mental health for a long time. I am diagnosed with depression and I have dealt with binge eating on and off for years. I have low self-esteem and self-worth. I never liked myself since I was young. (I think I know the reason but I don't want to share.)The hatred I felt for myself got externalised into hatred, envy, jealousy and unkindness towards others. I am going to change that by:

Getting a therapist

Self care

Being positive

Thinking before I speak

Practicing gratitude

Clean my room once a day

Meet with friends outside of school at least once a month

Part 3: Spiritual wellness

Inspiration: That Christian girl

Nurturing spiritual health provides a sense of purpose, connection, and inner peace. I was born catholic and went to catholic school from the age of 5 to 11(ages 7-11 were an only-girl school). I became an atheist at 11 and have been struggling with my relationship with God ever since. I was born and raised catholic but I was never properly Cathechized. That is because my parents(My mom is a cradle catholic and my dad was born catholic but became Pentecostal) are lukewarm and don't teach me and my siblings about God, the Bible and the Catholic Church. My parents have had multiple children and have not married. (I don't want them to get married to be honest because they are not right for each other and they aren't the best example of a healthy relationship.) My mom only started regularly attending church because I asked her that we start going. My parents aren't the best example of good Christians. Also, in catholic school days teach you nothing about the catholic church they just read the bible to you every morning, make you pray 3-4 times a day and bring you to church once a week. Catholic school wasn't that bad because catechizing me wasn't their job it was my parents. My goals to become strengthen my relationship with God are:

Attend mass on all Sundays and days of obligation

Pray at least twice a day and before eating

Read the Bible daily

Learn about the catholic church and catechize myself

Got to confession eventually

Do my confirmation

Become a Proverbs 31 woman

Part 4: Intellectual wellness

Inspiration:Academic weapon

Continuous learning and intellectual stimulation are essential components of glowing up. An Academic Weapon is a student who is perceived as particularly successful in academics as a whole. My grades are mediocre but i can easily fix that if i stop being lazy and study more. I am going to:

Study atleat 3hrs a day un top of homework

Have an 8-hour study session once a week.

Read one book a month

Join more clubs

Take every opportunity to learn

Conclusion

Glowing up is not a destination but a lifelong journey of self-discovery and personal growth. By nurturing physical, mental, spiritual, social, emotional, and intellectual health, we can become the best versions of ourselves. Whether you're striving to be that Christian girl, a pink Pilates princess, a green juice girl, clean girl or an academic weapon, remember that the most beautiful glow comes from within.

[theblackfemininesociety]

Classy Tip #2: Etiquette

Etiquette leaves a lasting impression.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou

➽──────────────❥

Etiquette plays a vital role in shaping our interactions with others and creating positive relationships. For women, practicing good etiquette goes beyond just social norms; it becomes a reflection of self-love and respect. In this blog post, we will explore why etiquette is important for women, how it demonstrates respect for others, and how it empowers women to set boundaries and command respect from others.

• Expressing Respect for Others:

Practicing good etiquette as a woman demonstrates respect for others. By listening actively, using polite language, and showing consideration for others' feelings and boundaries, women create an atmosphere of mutual respect and understanding. This fosters healthy and harmonious relationships, where everyone feels valued and heard.

• Setting Boundaries and Commanding Respect:

Etiquette empowers women to set clear boundaries and expect respectful treatment from others. By understanding and asserting their rights, women can establish personal boundaries and communicate them effectively. This not only enhances self-esteem but also encourages others to treat them with the respect they deserve.

• Cultivating Self-Love:

Practicing good etiquette is an act of self-love for women. It involves taking care of oneself physically, emotionally, and mentally. By maintaining personal hygiene, dressing appropriately, and practicing self-care, women demonstrate their self-worth and value. When women prioritize their well-being, they radiate confidence and inspire others to treat them with the same level of care and respect.

• Nurturing Positive Relationships:

Etiquette helps women create and nurture positive relationships. By showing gratitude, acknowledging others' efforts, and practicing empathy, women build strong connections with those around them. These positive relationships not only bring joy and fulfillment but also provide a support system that uplifts and empowers women in their personal and professional lives.

• Leading by Example:

As women practice good etiquette, they become role models for others. By embodying respect, kindness, and consideration in their interactions, women inspire others to follow suit. This ripple effect can lead to a more harmonious and respectful society, where women are seen as equals and are treated accordingly.

➽──────────────❥

What To Practice:

Practicing good etiquette as a woman is not just about following social conventions; it is a reflection of self-love and respect. By expressing respect for others, setting boundaries, nurturing positive relationships, and leading by example, women create an environment where they are treated with the dignity and respect they deserve. So let us embrace etiquette as a powerful tool to cultivate self-love, foster positive relationships, and empower ourselves as women.

💖 Practice Good Table Manners:

When dining out or attending formal events, familiarize yourself with proper table manners. Use utensils correctly, chew with your mouth closed, and avoid talking with food in your mouth.

💖 Be Punctual:

Respect other people's time by being punctual for appointments, meetings, and social gatherings. Arriving on time demonstrates your reliability and consideration for others.

💖 Use Polite Language:

Choose your words carefully and be mindful of your tone when speaking to others. Use "please," "thank you," and "excuse me" regularly. Show respect and kindness in your interactions. This also shows people how you should be addressed as well. The energy speaks for itself.

💖 Listen Attentively:

When engaged in conversations, practice active listening. Give others your full attention, maintain eye contact, and respond thoughtfully. Avoid interrupting or dominating the conversation. This simple tip will help you leave a good impression that could open doors and navigate through the rooms you get into.

💖 Practice Good Phone Etiquette:

This is so important! When using your phone in public or during social events, be mindful of others around you. Keep your voice down, avoid lengthy or loud conversations, and be considerate of your surroundings.

💖 Mind Your Body Language:

Your body language can convey a lot about your level of class and sophistication. Stand tall, maintain good posture, and avoid slouching or crossing your arms. Use open and welcoming gestures.

💖 Show Gratitude:

Express appreciation and gratitude when someone does something kind or helpful for you. Send thank-you notes or messages to show your gratitude for gifts, favors, or acts of kindness. Be genuine. That's what stick with people in the end.

💖 Respect Personal Space:

Be aware of personal boundaries and respect the personal space of others. Give people enough room to feel comfortable and avoid invading their personal space without permission. It goes back to the Golden Rule: “Treat people the way you want to be treated.”

💖 Be Mindful of Social Media:

Use social media platforms responsibly and considerately. Think before posting, avoid engaging in online arguments, and remember that what you share online can have long-term consequences!

Etiquette is not just a set of rules; it is a reflection of the values we hold as women. By embracing good etiquette, we demonstrate our respect for others, set expectations for how we wish to be treated, and cultivate self-love. It empowers us to navigate social settings with confidence and authenticity, leaving a positive and lasting impression. Let us strive to incorporate etiquette into our lives, not only for the benefit of those around us but also as a testament to our own self-worth and self-love.

[olrastrology]

Astrology / Second House / 2H

The Second House in astrology is often referred to as the House of Possessions, but its influence extends far beyond mere material wealth. It governs not only the tangible assets one accumulates but also the values, self-worth, and resources that shape a person’s life. Understanding the Second House provides valuable insights into how individuals perceive and manage their resources, both material and emotional. This essay will explore the significance of the Second House, its impact on financial matters, self-esteem, and personal values, as well as its role in the broader context of the natal chart.

The Second House: An Overview

The Second House is traditionally associated with the sign of Taurus and the planet Venus, both of which emphasize the themes of material comfort, stability, and sensuality. This house governs all forms of personal resources, including money, possessions, and talents. It reflects what a person values most, not just in terms of material goods, but also in terms of their intrinsic values and how they measure self-worth.

In a natal chart, the sign on the cusp of the Second House and any planets located within it provide detailed information about how an individual approaches matters of wealth, security, and value. For instance, if the Second House is in Aries, the person might have a dynamic and assertive approach to earning money, often taking risks to achieve financial success. In contrast, if the Second House is in Cancer, the person might prioritize financial security and be more conservative in their financial dealings, possibly seeking comfort in familiar and emotionally fulfilling investments.

Financial Matters and Material Wealth

The Second House is most commonly associated with money and possessions. It reveals how a person earns, spends, saves, and values material goods. The sign on the cusp of the Second House, along with any planets present, indicates the individual's attitude toward financial security and how they attract resources. For example, someone with Leo on the Second House cusp may seek wealth as a means of self-expression and pride, enjoying luxury and status symbols. They might be generous in their spending, often splurging on items that enhance their image and social standing.

Planets in the Second House also play a crucial role in determining financial behavior. Jupiter, the planet of expansion and abundance, in the Second House might suggest a person who experiences financial growth and prosperity, often attracting wealth with ease. On the other hand, Saturn, the planet of discipline and restriction, in the Second House could indicate financial challenges, such as limited resources or a need for strict budgeting and financial planning. This placement may teach the individual valuable lessons about responsibility and long-term planning in relation to their material resources.

Self-Worth and Personal Values

Beyond material wealth, the Second House is deeply connected to self-worth and personal values. It reflects how individuals measure their own value and how they derive a sense of security from their possessions and talents. A well-aspected Second House might suggest a healthy sense of self-worth, where the individual feels confident in their abilities and is comfortable with their financial situation. Conversely, challenging aspects might indicate struggles with self-esteem, possibly leading to issues with financial insecurity or an overemphasis on material possessions as a source of validation.

The Second House also reveals what a person truly values in life. This goes beyond material possessions to include moral and ethical values, as well as what one considers worth investing time, energy, and resources into. For example, a person with Libra on the Second House cusp might place a high value on beauty, harmony, and relationships, often investing in art, aesthetics, or social causes that align with their sense of balance and fairness. Meanwhile, someone with Virgo on the Second House cusp might value practicality, efficiency, and health, possibly investing in quality tools, organic food, or wellness-related products.

Resources and Talents

The Second House also governs personal resources and talents—what one has at their disposal to create value in their life. This includes not only physical assets but also skills, abilities, and innate talents that can be cultivated and used to generate income or enhance one’s sense of self-worth. The sign and planets in the Second House can provide insights into these resources and how they are likely to be developed or utilized.

For instance, a person with Gemini on the Second House cusp might have a talent for communication, writing, or teaching, and may find financial success through these avenues. If Venus, the planet of beauty and creativity, is in the Second House, the individual might have artistic talents that can be monetized or simply provide a deep sense of personal satisfaction. The Second House encourages the development of these talents and emphasizes the importance of using one’s resources wisely to achieve both material and emotional fulfillment.

The Second House in Relation to the Rest of the Chart

The Second House does not exist in isolation but interacts with the rest of the natal chart to provide a comprehensive picture of an individual’s relationship with wealth, values, and self-worth. The aspects between the Second House and other houses or planets can highlight areas of harmony or tension in how one manages resources.

For example, a harmonious aspect between the Second House and the Tenth House, which governs career and public reputation, might indicate that the individual’s financial success is closely tied to their professional achievements. Conversely, a challenging aspect between the Second House and the Eighth House, which deals with shared resources and debts, could suggest difficulties in managing joint finances or navigating issues of inheritance or taxes.

Conclusion

The Second House in astrology is a multifaceted area of the natal chart that encompasses much more than just money and possessions. It is the house of value—what we value in the world, how we value ourselves, and how we use our resources to create stability and security in our lives. By examining the sign on the cusp of the Second House and any planets within it, astrologers can gain insights into an individual’s financial habits, self-esteem, and personal values.

Understanding the Second House allows individuals to better appreciate their approach to material wealth and the deeper significance of their values and resources. Whether it involves the pursuit of financial security, the development of personal talents, or the cultivation of a healthy sense of self-worth, the Second House provides essential guidance on how to navigate the material world and find fulfillment in the process.

[sensualnoiree]

astro notes: daily transits 9/16

Today, 9/16, the Pisces Moon weaves a thread of compassion, empathy, and emotional depth into the cosmic energies. Luna’s shift into Pisces at 2:39 a.m. on Monday morning sets the tone for a reflective and sensitive start to the week. This watery Moon works to soften the atmosphere, which is necessary as Venus opposes Chiron, bringing up emotional wounds that can make us more sensitive or defensive. Midday on Monday, a helpful Moon–Mars trine supports healing actions, though misunderstandings loom later with a polarizing Moon–Mercury opposition just before midnight. As we navigate this three-day period, emotional understanding, communication, and healing are the key themes.

Key Influences

Pisces Moon:Empathy and Emotional Healing: The Moon’s entrance into Pisces early Monday morning imbues the next few days with a heightened sense of empathy, intuition, and emotional depth. Pisces is a water sign, known for its compassion and ability to feel the collective emotional undercurrents. This transit can encourage a softer, more introspective approach to life, where we’re more likely to tune into our emotions, dreams, and the needs of others. However, it can also increase our sensitivity, making us more vulnerable to emotional overwhelm or confusion. The Pisces Moon encourages us to go with the flow, trust our intuition, and embrace vulnerability as part of the healing process.

Venus Opposite Chiron:Wounds in Relationships: The Venus–Chiron opposition, which perfects on Monday, brings a focus on relationship wounds, self-worth issues, and vulnerabilities in love. Chiron, the "wounded healer," often reveals old, unhealed emotional scars, particularly in the areas of relationships, love, and self-esteem when opposing Venus. This aspect can make us more reactive, defensive, or sensitive to perceived slights, especially in romantic or close relationships. While the Venus–Chiron opposition can trigger discomfort or pain, it also offers an opportunity for deep emotional healing. By acknowledging our vulnerabilities and being compassionate with ourselves and others, we can heal old wounds and cultivate greater emotional resilience.

Moon Trine Mars:Supportive Action and Emotional Courage: The Pisces Moon forms a trine with Mars in Cancer on Monday afternoon at 2:03 p.m., providing a harmonious flow of energy between our emotions and our actions. Mars in Cancer is protective and nurturing, while the Pisces Moon is compassionate and empathetic, making this a good time for emotionally driven actions that promote healing and understanding. Whether it’s smoothing over disagreements, offering support to others, or taking courageous steps in addressing emotional matters, this trine helps to ease tensions and promote constructive, compassionate action. It encourages us to channel our emotional energy into actions that foster healing and support.

Moon Opposite Mercury:Misunderstandings and Communication Challenges: Later on Monday night, the Pisces Moon forms an opposition with Mercury in Virgo at 11:43 p.m. This aspect can create communication challenges, as the emotional, intuitive Pisces Moon clashes with the logical, analytical Mercury in Virgo. Misunderstandings, miscommunications, or heightened emotional reactions are likely under this aspect. It’s not a good time to try to resolve disagreements or have serious conversations, as emotions may cloud judgment, and words may be easily misinterpreted. Instead, it’s better to wait until the emotional intensity subsides and clarity returns before addressing any contentious issues.

Integrating the Influences

Nurturing Emotional Sensitivity:Pisces Moon and Venus–Chiron Opposition: With the Pisces Moon enhancing our sensitivity and Venus opposing Chiron, it’s important to be gentle with ourselves and others. The themes of vulnerability, emotional wounds, and self-worth are likely to arise, particularly in our relationships. This is a time to embrace empathy, practice active listening, and offer support where needed. Rather than shying away from difficult emotions, we can use the healing energy of Pisces and Chiron to confront our wounds with compassion and understanding. This is also an excellent time for creative or spiritual activities that allow us to process emotions in a non-verbal way, such as journaling, meditation, or artistic expression.

Channeling Emotions into Positive Action:Moon–Mars Trine: The supportive trine between the Moon and Mars on Monday afternoon offers an opportunity to channel our emotions into positive, healing actions. Whether it’s resolving conflicts, taking steps toward personal healing, or offering help to others, this aspect provides the emotional courage and motivation to act with compassion and empathy. If tensions arise from the Venus–Chiron opposition, this trine helps to smooth things over and restore harmony. It’s a good time to address emotional issues in a proactive and nurturing way, rather than letting them fester.

Avoiding Miscommunications:Moon Opposite Mercury: The Moon’s opposition to Mercury late Monday night can lead to confusion, misunderstandings, or emotional misinterpretations. To avoid unnecessary conflict, it’s best to avoid having difficult or emotionally charged conversations during this time. The Pisces Moon may make us more prone to emotional reactions, while Mercury in Virgo seeks precision and logic. This can create a disconnect between what we’re feeling and how we’re communicating. If disagreements arise, it’s better to hold off on discussing them until the emotional intensity subsides and we can approach the situation with more clarity and rationality.

follow for more astro insights like this and head on over to @quenysefields or my etsy --> sensualnoiree to grab my new astrology guidebook on reading your own natal chart :)

[hunkystephaudio]

do you want to be an entrepreneur, business owner boss babe? then this subliminal is a total MUST-HAVE in your subliminal playlist. this gives you the mindset and the skills to become an abundant person with an incredible mindset.

use it with caution, it's very powerful & made with my own voice as usual. enjoy!!! 💗

🤍B E N E F I T S: 🤍

boost your self-esteem and self-worth

develop a strong belief in your abilities

improve your decision-making abilities

enhance your communication and interpersonal skills

foster a natural authority and leadership presence

cultivate a proactive and ambitious attitude

increase your motivation and drive to achieve goals

foster your creativity and innovation

develop a strong focus on your goals and objectives

enhance your time management and organizational skills

promote your perseverance and resilience

increase your understanding of financial management

encourage wise investment and spending habits

attract financial opportunities and success

foster continuous self-improvement and learning

encourage positive thinking and a growth mindset

develop your emotional intelligence and stress management

promote a healthy balance between your professional and personal life

encourage self-care and mindfulness practices

improve your ability to build and maintain professional relationships

enhance your networking and collaboration abilities

develop a strong, empowered self-identity

enhance your body language and non-verbal communication

boost your personal magnetism and charisma

increase your attractiveness and influence in social and professional settings

[modernidolater]

Black Jack PAC!

Step right up, step right on up, you know the drill, pick a card and takes your chances! Three beeyootiful two card readings, one card face up for your convenience, one face down that you gotta choose.

Today's upcard is the Four of Swords, an exciting little beauty that invites you to reinvent yourself, and rejuvenate your life. How, you ask?

Pick a card and find out!

There we are, a lovely set of choices, not a bad one in the bunch. Scroll on down to find the reading for your chosen card!

1. Ace of Cups

Two growth cards gives a pretty powerful message on the need for something new or a change to be made. The Ace asks you to get out there and create connections with new people. Any new people you click with will do, and any relationship you have to them is totally fine!

You could also turn your attention to the material world and grab a new hobby, pick up a new show, read a good book, play a new game. Hell, go to a museum or restaurant you've been meaning to.

The Ace just asks that you try something new and revivify your life--even just a little--in the process.

Of course, if you can't immediately chase growth and start building up your life, you can always plan about that. Laying the groundwork for future growth is always an option, and a fantastic idea.

2. Queen of Wands

It's time to get back in touch with your creative side. Get excited about your creativity, try new things, new directions. Allow yourself to see that old familiar path with a sense of wonder, or forge a new path entirely. There's joy to be found there, and passion is rarely wrong. Even if others have denigrated and derided your choice of creative outlet, you have to let that go and be yourself.

Much is said about not having an ego, but a healthy ego--a sense of self-worth and self-esteem--is a good thing. Allowing that to develop through your creative process, as well as learning not to let others override that sense of self, is crucial to growing as a healthy, happy person.

3. Ten of Pentacles

You've made great strides toward financial and social stability, and that's nothing to sneeze at. Genuinely, good job!

But now that you're starting to nail things down, you're beginning to stagnate. You need to adopt a new perspective or try one or two different things. Achieving, or even approaching, stability is a laudable milestone or goal. Taking a break to focus on staying where you're at or appreciating what you have is valid and understandable. You just can't stop there forever.

Stability needs to be the jumping off point, the place of strength you move forward from. You don't have yo be shooting for the stars, but you do need to have goals and dreams and something to look forward to.

Work on identifying what you'd like to have, be, or do that would enhance your life. Even if it seems unrealistic, remember: you made it this far! Why deny possibilities out of pessimism?

Did this resonate with you? Feedback (and tips) always appreciated, and if you want a custom reading, just PM me on any of my socials!