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#FUCK THIS GAY EARTH BTW!!!!
faaun · 5 months
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last night i got home kind of tipsy and very much in tears and my mother told me the force you exert to keep someone in your life is proportional to the force with which they will leave your life. if you have to fight tooth and claw to keep them, their leaving will be just as hard, just as harsh, and just as definite.
#she said it like a law. its just momentum.#also she told me to get a therapist and start archery ASAP bc i need to get it together#and also she said even granting that this person u were in love w was So Special . as in hot motorcycle-riding iranian masc lesbian in ldn#they arent the only one on earth and that once i start my proper adult life outside of studies etc etc i will probably no longer live in th#UK. she said most non straight iranians u would like have left the country anyway . where do you think they went? theyre out there#and also she asked me to imagine how many hot gay iranians there may be in italy or amsterdam or smth and i was like ok points 😭 maybe#ur right. anyway i was having a feeling of dread bc crying into the arms of ur strict asian mother while buzzed usually results in#death chaos destruction etc in the next few days but actually i think maybe she has genuinely changed as a person and the fear is#unwarranted#anyway i need to eat breakfast and study w the date person i met yesterday#they are so nice ??? genuinely so so sweet i dont feel attracted to them at all omg i genuinely think i have a thing for hot evil ppl 😭#but we could b besties . theyre a lot more romantic than the ex situationship person too like generally . ugh they should be perfect but#alas it appears i am shallow as fuck or potentially a lesbian actually#OH THEY MIGHT ALSO BE POTENTIALLY A LESBIAN BTW#i think i just tend to not date cis ppl entirely by accident#....feel free to rb if u want btw sorry for the rant
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rachedurst · 10 months
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anyways i love you people that are both gay and straight, in whatever way that presents. being nonbinary often can mean a complicated relationship to sexuality and how one perceives it within the societal restrictions of homo and heterosexual, and i think bridging those definitions and having "contradictory" labels like lesboy or whatever is really cool. i support and stan he/him lesbians or butch lesbians or she/her gay men or femme gays or she/he pronoun users and whatever else, be it cis or trans or both. if you feel like youre both cis and trans that also rocks. dont let people force you back into a binary within the queer community, stay strong!
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34saveme34 · 6 months
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"I don't think I ever saw him as happy as I did that day"
not gonna lie, I slayed with this design
I only like, teased it once ominously but this is to show
anyways this is what happens when the gay magicals hold hands- or well they can. get to this only if their bond is deep enough. can't just give power fore barely any cooperation n all
anyways Magical Earth!4 for yall :3 maybe if yall ask me nicely, I'll show off 3 better too, though I might change his design a bit cuz there's a few things I don't like about it oof
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reddogcollar · 11 months
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thinking of the scripture that refers to god cleansing people of sin as "crimson being washed white" and gabriel act 2 starting enraged (red) before being washed white. fucking whatever
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figonas · 2 years
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I think you perpetually online people need to understand that “queerbaiting” does not mean a character is heavily implied to be a queer person, with a live in partner, but we the audience are not explicitly shown a coming out scene. Queerbaiting is when a character is heavily implied to be a queer person and then it’s explicit confirmed they’re Absolutely Not Queer(tm) and are in a Straight Relationship(tm) and that live in partner they have romantic chemistry with is just their Friendly Roommate(tm). Not everything needs to be shown to you explicitly for you to understand the implications. Having to use critical thinking skills to draw connections between clearly defined and obviously presented dots isn’t queer baiting. For the love of god use your brain cells before they all die and leave your head about as full as an empty peanut shell.
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tacagen · 4 months
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dont know whether zixx is a bishop clone or not? a 100% accurate test: put a wedding in front of him and see what he does.
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harley-the-pancake · 3 months
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Well, I hate the acolyte now
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the-acid-pear · 1 year
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These two lines really make me feel like Susie is only a bully for, let's say, survival reasons. But that's as coherent as i can get so i'm going to ramble the rest of my thoughts on the tags.
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omegamoo · 2 years
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sorry but your little beacon of hope and light on the dash is NOT loveposting tonight i am HATEPOSTING i am HORRORSPOSTING i am SCREAMPOSTING
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bonnieisaway · 11 months
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meihua "snitched on myself so hard as i said 'i could never have feelings for you' to a man i just stabbed because by no means did he believe you did love him back and also not even five minutes later you turned around and changed your mind about this decision and i don't think it's necessarily occurred to either of us how hard i just outed myself' shisan
#i could never be in love with you btw im gonna follow you through the forest and find you to protect you and build a campfire next to you#and ask you to take your clothes off so i can bandage your wounds when its the both of us alone next to a campfire#I know she was saying that more to herself than him#and it was supposed to be her drilling that into her own head in the end#but also like#damn you could've said that after you walked away or after he died#lucky she's in love with a dumbass who never comprehended that bit#you may think “but bonnie it was his chest that was injured of course he neded to take his clothes off he wears 3 layers of clothes”#THEY'RE STILL MADLY IN LOVE#THEY'RE STILL AWKWARD AND GAY ABOUT IT NOBODY FIGHT ME ON THIS#THIS WOMAN BLUSHED TOUCHING HIS ARM AND YOU WANT ME TO THINK THAT SCENE HAD ZERO TENSION#HE ALSO BLUSHED WHEN SHE LIGHTLY TOUCHED HIS FUCKING ARM BTW#YOU WANT ME TO THINK THESE TWO TOUCH STARVED MADLY IN LOVE DUMBFUCKS DIDNT NEARLY EXPLODE#I'D KILL SOMEBODY TO SEE THAT SCENE#I'D DO ANYTHING ON THIS EARTH TO WITNESS THAT. WHY'D IT HAVE TO NOT BE SHOWN IN THE EPISODE#i would sleep with the director if it meant getting this scene#i would#guys i ahve such brainrot abotu this#and brainrot about this alot#i praise this show a lot for its lack of fan service and how well these two are written#and therefore this is such a perfect raw kinda tense moment I NEED IT I PHYSICALLY NEED IT#it's not fanservice but i am a afan and i am being serviced#ok im gonna shut up#scissor seven#wu liuqi#thirteen#seven
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iidsch · 6 months
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Savior update 🦇 I got to the part where Juyi loses her mind and I feel some pity for her because she got roped into this situation and it clearly affected her, but I'm still hardcore on Seyeon's side - something something she's protecting Wohn from being killed which justifies her paranoia and obsessive behavior (to some extent). The big surprise has been Wohn who has taken a really bad turn, it's obvious she can't do anything without Seyeon but at the same time only thinks about herself/what she wants and not how Seyeon feels, which is why this whole situation keeps getting worse. Wohn could have talked to Seyeon or just thought for a second that it's too dangerous for her to get close to Juyi (ESPECIALLY after the scene where she goes to Juyi's house), but instead she's playing the victim while refusing to follow what Seyeon says. I still think she's super cute but my god is she stupid and annoying. Juyi is going through a weird arc? I thought she was going nuts but apparently she still has feelings for Seyeon, which is an awkward reveal given that she seems to be homophobic and also despises her after she ruined her life. This gets even more confusing when you take into account that she is being overly friendly with Wohn to put a wedge between her and Seyeon, like girl clear up your mind about your feelings towards her. The comments on webtoon are as infuriating as always, I can feel my IQ sinking every time I read them. And needless to say that despite the nuance and complexity of the situation, I still hope Seyeon mauls everyone to death, she deserves it <3
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ronanlynchbf · 1 year
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ARGH FUCK MY STUPID BAKA BODY
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“The Ambiguously Brown Character™”- The Attachment to Eurocentric Beauty Standards
“maybe im petty but i wish people knew how to draw like different nose shapes. Sometimes I’ll see a character I like but im like that is not what their nose would look like.” @the-eldritch-it-gay
You’ve seen them before. The one character that has brown skin… And everything else about them is… an enigma. They’re not supposed to be white! You know that much… right? You can see what the designated white characters look like, so at least it’s not that. You could claim them as Black, if you want, and sometimes creators even demand that this character is Black. Depending on the quality, you’re either like “no, what the fuck is this” or you’re like “okay they’re cool, we’ll take them”. Representation is important. But… There’s a pit in your stomach that wonders… Are they really? Are they really supposed to be Black, is this really representation, or did the creators just toss a brown person in so all the Brown™ people could “have something”, so that they would look like they cared about “diversity” on their art resume?
Examples
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Theseus, in my opinion, looks like a white man with a tan. Dionysus looks a little better with the similar skin tone, due to his purple hair coloration. Apparently people do think that at least Dionysus is a man of color. What’s interesting about both of these characters, is that they’re only about two desaturated browns lighter than Patroclus, a character in the game that we’re supposed to believe is Black (whom, in my opinion, also looks like a brown bucket tool character. I’m still claiming him, he’s my guy. But his design should have been more explicitly Black). Theseus and Patroclus are the two darkest-skinned dead humans in the first game. So… what was I supposed to think about these two? Was I supposed to think they are really dark white people, due to the thin textures of their hair? Are they men of color? Are Theseus and Patroclus supposed to be ashy because they’re dead, is Dionysus ashy because he’s dehydrated from wine? Why don’t the white dead people look off color? Hades was entirely too striking a game in use of color for the browns to look like… this.
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Noe and Hibana are interesting. It was complete coincidence, the purple hair and eyes thing btw. Hibana is interesting because Ogun is an unambiguously Black character in Fire Force, and there are at least three other unambiguously Black characters in Soul Eater as well. So we know the mangaka knows how to draw Black people in their style! So… was this on purpose? Is this another of those ‘tanned anime girls with titties’ meant for shounen fan service? I’ve claimed Noe (Case Study of Vanitas) because Black French people exist and France has stolen so much from us already, but it is never actually specified what Noe is. He’s just the One Singular Brown Guy in this show, with regular, untextured anime hair. Are there more brown people in the manga? Is this explained? Because we know who is supposed to be white! If anyone else wants to claim Noe, they absolutely can, because we have no idea what he’s supposed to be. Hot Chocolate thinks he’s Indian, and I’m not going to argue that because… who knows! He very well could be!
My very first lesson addressed this, albeit lightly! There’s a reason that I said that if you gained nothing else from me, that’s what I want you to walk away with. Now that I’m on stronger footing with this blog, I can really get into the nitty gritty of what that really means.
Obligatory disclaimer: we are not a monolith!* As of 2015, it has been researched that African populations have the highest genetic variation on Earth*, with a lot of that genetic diversity in sub-Saharan Africa alone. This means that YES, there very well can and will be Black people with naturally thinner textures of hair, blonde, light brown, and red hair, straight, narrow noses, monotone lips, and lighter skin that comes more often with white people. There are enough genetic combinations within African peoples and of the African diaspora that I’m sure there are plenty of people that look the way people seem to want Black people in art to look, if those genes so express within them.
*as a scientist, I will say: while these papers seem fairly legit and I looked at many related articles and their sources, take Nature with a grain of salt. Though their vetting process has become much better, you can and should always do further reading on your own!
Here’s the thing: the possibility is not the issue here!
The first issue: I don’t have to teach anyone how to draw those features on Black people! It is evident, from the professional and fan art I’ve seen, y’all already know how to draw the features deemed highly by Eurocentric beauty standards. Those features are excessively focused on and promoted as part of “good art”.
The second issue here is that the average artist drawing a poorly done Black person is not considering things like genetic diversity when they draw them (and if they are, it’s usually as an excuse post-confrontation. Yes, I have seen it.) These creators are not designing these characters with the intent of them being Black with those features, they are designing “Black” people with features that they deem most aesthetic and are most comfortable with drawing.
And why do they deem those features most aesthetic? We’ve circled back to the point of this lesson!
Eurocentric Beauty Standards
Definition: beauty standards as defined through a white, western cultural lens, including but not limited to: straight, blonde hair, light eyes, pale skin, high cheekbones, narrow noses, thinness. It’s a way that white western people want other white western people to look to be considered classically attractive… and then enforced that on everyone else.
It affects people of color worldwide. Anyone that has ever had to deal with European colonization or imperialism has to deal with the interjection of Eurocentric beauty standards.
Examples
-Black women, standing at the intersection of Blackness and womanhood, especially deal with the constant pressure of Eurocentric beauty standards, being consistently told to hate ourselves due to our own ethnic features. It’s incredibly damaging to your self-esteem growing up; my mom told me that until I went natural at 17, I was determined to look ‘like a white girl’ because I thought it would make me beautiful, and it hurt her. And as for me, it was a stunning realization that at 17 that I had never really seen my own natural curl pattern before. My hair was in ponytails and such as a child, but as a teenager, growing into my identity, I had always wanted straight hair. I was in love with my coily texture, I couldn’t believe that I’d never seen it. An entire part of my own body, gone unknown, because I wanted to fit a beauty standard I would never reach.
-Kenneth and Mamie Clark: The “Doll” Studies: Black children- age 3-7 were shown white and Black doll babies, and were asked a series of ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ identification questions. Even by that young an age, most of the Black children associated things like beauty, kindness, and positivity… with the white dolls.
-“The Golden Ratio”: a survey was done in Britain (oh boy, here we go) to determine what people felt was the ‘most beautiful’ face, and apparently it all came down to “symmetry”. “International blueprints of beauty” they claimed, were applied, as humans “naturally seek symmetry”. In 2015, according to ye olde Daily Mail, this was the most beautiful woman. You'll never guess:
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(It’s not even her natural hair color!)
-Another “research study” using E-FIT (Electronic Facial Identification Technique -- a facial recognition software used to create criminal profiles based on eyewitness descriptions; no WAY that THAT could get problematic!!) to determine what 100 people thought was the “most archetypal face of beauty”.
They came up with a figure similar to Kendall Jenner as the female option.
(Guys, we’re never getting out of here at this rate.)
-We’ve spoken about discrimination against Black hair before, and how natural hairstyles will be deemed less professional or appropriate for school, regardless of the brilliant mind that sits underneath it, and even the history of Black women having to cover their hair so as to “not steal the desire of white men” and ruin the status of white women.
Appropriation:
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I try to have nuance on the Kardashians, but I have never liked Kylie, and it’s not because she’s not allowed to do what she wants with her body. I watched the world claim that she was so beautiful, that her kits were why her lips looked “so good”. Everyone wanted to have “full, plump lips” like the ones Kylie BOUGHT. But Black women’s full lips have been treated horrifically since racism was invented. In 2016 I watched racists dogpile and mock Ugandan model Aamito Lagum for her naturally full lips in her MAC campaign, after saying in just 2015 that Kylie’s lips were “top fashion and everyone wants them”. And she lied (not that we didn’t all know that)! She appropriated a look, and she lied about it to move product. And people who had no right to forgive her did so, and everyone moved on to make her a billionaire. Because full lips looked good… as long as they weren’t on a Black woman. I can’t even have my own lips, but she was rewarded with an industry for appropriation. No, I’m not getting over that.
I could go on, but I won’t. So what are some ways to address the existence of Eurocentric beauty standards potentially biasing our creation?
First thing: LET’S TRASH THE IDEA THAT BROWN SKIN AUTOMATICALLY MEANS BLACK.
Black people are not stupid, and we do have expectations. Splashing brown paint on your otherwise white character does not mean I’ll automatically think they’re Black. I’m going to look. When I see brown people in real life, I can usually tell when they don’t look like me. I don’t look at a South Asian similar to or darker than my shade and say “they’re Black”. Blackness is not just skin color, it’s an entire identity and sociological construct. Yes, you can tell us apart.
Acknowledge when you’re holding a bias:
For example: “Tall, dark, and handsome.” What did you picture? You must understand that different people had different ideas of what this meant, versus who it was actually meant to be. Because on its surface, that description includes tall Black men with dark brown eyes and dark hair! We’ve talked about this in lesson 3! Whoever came up with this phrase didn’t mean skin though, they meant hair and eyes- they meant white brunettes. Even in this, it was only meant to include whiteness. And we were all supposed to assume that, be damned anything else.
Part of that is knowing what things do and don’t fall under the category. They were listed off earlier: straight and wavy hair, blonde hair, colorful eyes, thin noses, high cheekbones, double eyelid with round eyes that “show youth and innocence”. People have been going the “aquiline nose” route lately to claim more diversity in nose shape but like… even that isn’t always going to be the case. Every Black person is not going to have an aquiline nose. It is not the “middle ground” of diversity. Draw us with some round noses. We look fine.
Often ignored (in depictions of Black people): afro/coily hair and natural styles, large, round noses, full faces, brown eyes, full figures that aren’t oversexualized, body fat. One of the characters from Craig of the Creek that makes me so happy is Nicole, Craig’s mother. When I look at her design, I see my own mother. I see a Black woman that… actually looks like Black mothers I know. It made me happy and comfortable.
White folk, you even do it to yourselves! I mentioned to a friend once that a good chunk of stories in our fandom with the blonde/brunette white character dynamic read like an Aryan fantasy: the blonde character will be treated like a god on high, the most beautiful of humanity, and then you’ll get to the brunette and it’s “my meek, mousy brown hair, my dull, brown eyes like dirt, and my tanned skin with freckles; no one would ever notice someone plain, nerdy, and unimportant like me until him” lmao like excuse me? Author, you okay there pal? Do you need a hug, lmao? I can’t take it seriously anymore. If y'all are being this mean to each OTHER about not hitting Eurocentric beauty standards, y'all are certainly not being nice or respectful about people of color- who never can- in your content! (and no, exoticizing Blackness is not respectful.) You should look out for how often this happens, and catch yourself when you’re doing it.
Creating with Intent (and the lack thereof!)
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You have to actually consider and reference REAL Black people when you’re drawing Black people. That seems like such an obvious thing, and yet it must not be, because these sorts of arts/the techniques used in them still happen.
For example:
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credit to my friend @devilatelier; I asked for the worst Black art ever and he heeded the call!
I abhor art like this, and art that does varying versions of this. To the pit of my soul, hatred. I will not share your work if I catch even a whiff of it. Why? Because people know that this isn’t what we look like! If you get on the computer and type in “Black man with short hair”, option A is not even remotely on the first page. You’ll get nonblack men that show up, thanks to Google’s algorithm (another conversation), but the Black men don’t look like A. If you get on the computer and type “Black man with long hair”, you’ll even get Black men with all textures and styles of hair, including straight! And they still don’t look like B. Go ahead, I’ll pause- go type it in and see what you get. Have you ever seen a Black person that looks like these images? Be honest with yourself. Why do you let them slide, if you haven’t?
Why This Matters
So it’s not about the actual Black people in their lives that they’ve seen, that makes artists draw characters like this, nor a dedication to accuracy. Because if you were looking at us at all, you wouldn’t draw this. And yet, people draw it, and post it proudly. So there must not be any shame behind it, or they at least are comfortable enough with their target audience to think it’s presentable! That begs the question- who is your target audience, and do you include Black people in it?
It’s how people like Jen Zee can have a successful career at Supergiant despite drawing dark skinned people the way she does. It’s because studios recognize when their target audiences are not perturbed by, and therefore will still buy, their product. If poorly drawn Black people does not perturb audiences enough to affect the almighty dollar- or, in fanart situations, the value of popularity- then there’s no motivation to stop doing it! Who cares about the value and the demeaning of Black fans, right?
Think about it like this. You remember how everyone bullied the Sonic studio and they scrapped their entire reel? People do not get that much up in arms in solidarity about the antiblack treatment and depiction of Black characters. It’s how you end up with Wyll Ravengard on the drop of BG3. Because Larian could have stood on business, had some integrity, and said “this is a character we are going to develop, because there will be fans that look like Wyll, and deserve to receive our best efforts at inclusion.”
But instead, Larian said “this is what our majority fanbase wants, and apparently it is not a well-developed Black character” and released that game as it was. To rousing success. That was a choice. The antiblackness of both the fans and the studio, via their lack of concern about Black gamers, was involved in making that decision. We have to let go of the idea that antiblack racism is incidental, and not a part of the process- and that includes in character design.
I cannot tell you how much it shrivels my heart inside when I see a “Black” character with wavy hair. One, because I know the artist’s first thought was not to have a Black character with wavy hair, but because they draw white people with that hair and thought it was transferrable. Two, because if you wanted the aesthetic of hair down to the back… Locs could have worked! The same shape would be there! You can style locs in any way, and it would be fine! Even if you wanted them to have thinner hair, fine, but… I can see where the intent (and the lack thereof) is. We can see when you aren’t even trying for us!
I asked Angel how he felt about creating the “white man with the brown bucket” images, curious about how he felt given that he is more than capable of drawing Black people. His response was noteworthy, and consistent with my hypothesis:
“Thinking about it, these two drawings have been the most difficult thing I’ve had to draw, period. And it’s the first time I’ve actually felt nauseous during the drawing process from start to finish. I constantly felt like I was fighting off the part of myself that knew better, telling me that this is wrong. It felt like a betrayal, knowing what Black people actually look like and still choosing to be disrespectful. Especially because I worked on the first two and immersed myself in references and also Black youtubers, researching Black hairstyles. It felt like a betrayal to all of that to call these two (deliberately poorly drawn) characters Black, because they’re not. None of the Black people I found during my research (both photo references and videos) looked like these. at all. It felt cheap, it felt lazy. Creatively lazy in the way that you just take a white person and paint-bucket them brown and call it a day. In the way it makes you feel no pull to change what you do, or learn something new. Kinda like a thought terminating cliche. Unlike the first two, I used no references for them, but I mostly based them off of actual designs I’ve seen in fandoms, both fanmade and not.”
Conclusion
So what I want us to consider for now is: if we know that’s not what Black people look like, but so many people are willing to do and/or accept it without any mental dissonance… how much do they care? Why is this allowed to ‘pass’, if we recognize that it is not accurate, unless we think what we are being presented with is acceptable? Or at least, not worth fighting over? Why not? Why do you not think that this Black character deserves to be unambiguously Black? And why does that ‘better’ way to exist always come back to whiteness?
We’re going to get into this, as well as more into the other, more overt and equally harmful manifestation of these beliefs in the next lesson on Whitewashing! But I want you to simmer on this part, first.
When you draw a character that you want to be Black, not only should you keep in mind your intent of how you’re going to draw them, but it also means putting in the work to make sure you’re doing so. You do not put pen to paper and “accidentally” draw a white man lol, it came from somewhere- let’s shatter that connection that views white features as superior, as 'ideal for attention grabbing', so we can create better. Because remember, it is the thought that counts, but the action that delivers!
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cetoddle-archive · 2 years
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so fucked up that i had to start off my week by experiencing one of the most disappointing and stressful days of my life and i’m just expected to go to work the next four days
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freakassfemme · 2 months
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MWAH wishing u a speedy recovery!!!!! listen u always do my requests sm justice YOU JUST GET IT, i will always crawl back into ur askbox i am patiently waiting while kicking my feet :3
original ask YOU ARE SO SWEET! I appreciate you. here u go, i have brought you a gift <3 unfortunately my only explanation to 'getting it' is that I am always having or striving to have filthy nasty lesbian and queer interactions. or I am writing or reading about it. my sole purpose on this earth is to curate queer experiences. hope that helps <3 btw I wrote this from 6 - 9 am so bare with me wc: 2.9k warnings: metaphorically consuming each other as a form of desire, yeah I know I switched present/past tense its a bad habit of mine but I *don't care* nor do I care about consistent capitalization, I'm crazy for this woman obviously, rough sex, f/f, vagina/breast anatomy, biting, overstimulation, crying, maybe I get a little too poetic about gay sex, proof read by only me one singular time and it was mainly to see if the music fit the vibe, penetration, scissoring, I love pussy, orgasm denial x1 (?), slight size kink and worship but really that's in all my fics
see how it shines [smut] ゚+..。*゚
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playlist: it will come back / be / abstract (psychopomp)
(yeah we r bringing hozier into this </3)
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eighteen fucking hours. that's how long you'd been clocked in at the medical bay for what seemed to have been maybe the third or fourth time this week, and it was only Thursday.
the truth was, medics and doctors were dropping like flies these days, going AWOL and leaving the remaining staff to work what would need twenty sets of hands with maybe seven or eight. with the seraphites becoming more aggressive everyday, the peace in the stadium and other bases for the WLF had been short-lived, and many understandably weren't holding up well to the pressure, especially with the way the cleanup crews had been hauling back nonstop truckloads of friends and loved ones, and requests to be stationed elsewhere other than the stadium and two were immediately denied at this point.
so yeah, you were pretty fucking tired. at this point in the staffing shortage, they were having to send the folks on watch on additional rounds just to bring food to medics, on duty or at home, because they were simply too exhausted to go down to dining.
no one even acknowledged you as your blood and mud-ridden boots skidded across the concrete floors, your eyes practically closed even as you walked through crowds to get back to your dorm. the soldiers, civilians and staff alike parted like water around you, making an avoidant path and trying not too hard to look at you or the posters on the wall, outright begging people to sign up for medical classes.
you kicked the food delivery box inside of your dorm as you unlocked it, hands fumbling with your forehead pressed against the cold metal. inside, you quickly stripped out of your uniform top and boots, and crashed out on the couch.
abby herself was exhausted when she trudged into your shared living space hours after you, having just come off of a 48 hour rotation. her eyes wandered over the little trail of belongings leading to you on the couch, the boots left a few steps after the other, your button up discarded over the railing and the abandoned delivery box just a few feet from the door, which she didn't notice until she nearly slipped over it, causing a loud thump that had her wincing.
her eyes flicked to you, where she could only see the back of your head, and when she decided you weren't going to stir, she let out a sigh of relief and began stripping herself of her own uniform.
on her way over to the bathroom, she stopped next to you, taking in your splayed out form. your hair was a fucking mess, and you still had drops of (hopefully) someone else's blood across your forearms, one thrown against the back of the couch and the other hanging over the side. your pants were halfway undone, like you had tried an attempt that you decided wasn't worth the energy, and you looked pale as a ghost.
as much as abby wanted to let you sleep, wanted to let you get the rest you needed, she couldn't leave you like this. it'd been at least three days since she last saw you for more than a fleeting lunch break, and she couldn't find it in her to take care of herself and not you, especially when you had been eating away at yourself providing the undying care to strangers who wouldn't want to return it even in several lifetimes.
she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose before she nodded, crouching down and grunting from the soreness of her own body as she scooped you up.
when you groaned and gave a small shove back, she hushed you, pressing a kiss to your forehead.
"c'mon, sweet girl, it's just me. i got you."
you hadn't put up much of a fight when abby propped you up on the sink. you leaned the back of your head against the mirror as she shimmied your pants and socks off of you, stripping your shirt and undergarments next until your cold skin was left against the glass and stainless steel, and you began to shudder. abby was quick about turning up the hot water in the shower though, allowing the steam fill the room before she helped you to your feet, letting you lean against her and whisper weak protests as you climbed into the hot shower.
instantly, you relaxed against her, and she ran her fingers through your hair, fully saturating the dirty strands as you sighed, wrapping your arms around her firm waist to steady yourself.
you stayed like that for a while, pressed against your girlfriend's tone form as you slowly collected your own strength, letting her gentle hands and soft voice lull you back from your weak state until you could help her wash you both up, even if it took a bit longer than usual.
"lean your head forward f'me, angel," abby murmured, one of her large palms warming up your spine with gentle caresses as she held a half-formed braid of your hair in the other. you obeyed quietly, letting abby tie back your now managed hair into something similar to how she usually kept hers, though she left her own loose.
when she was done, abby shifted closer behind you in the bed, her arms slipping underneath your borrowed shirt to hold you against her. she buried her face into your neck, letting you curl into her until you were turned on your side and entirely wrapped in her strong arms.
her nose nudged yours, and your eyes weakly fluttered open to meet abby's soft gaze, her seafoam eyes almost hauntingly bright against the cool illumination of the moonlit windows. it spooked you a bit, in all honesty, to have her this close to you again after so many days, days where you had considered the other possibilities in which she may come back to you.
you weren't any less unnerving to her -- she could tell you hadn't been eating nearly enough since she had been gone, and in just a few short days you already looked withered enough to drop like a limp daisy. your skin was ghostly, its usual warmth dampened from a lack of sunlight.
still, she was your girl, and you were hers, even in your worn states. and god, she had missed you.
abby's pine soap filled your nose as she pressed her lips into yours, the warm skin hesitant under your cool, cracked ones, and you accepted her gratefully, even if just for a moment it was as useless as whiskey on a winter night.
but then, of course, like any decent drink, the buzz hits.
and even though your limbs are screaming against you as you do so, your fingers curl into abby's loose hair, and you turn your head just a bit more. when you kiss back, abby's shyness, her gentleness quickly melts away, replenished by a hunger matching your own as you desperately search for more of her, pulling her against you like you hoped to swallow her whole.
your teeth crashed against her soft skin, tugging at her lip and making a slot for your tongue to force its way into her mouth. instantly, she shuddered, groaning into you in a way that you could feel the vibrations in her chest. it was like an open invitation, a warm meal laid out just for you, and you accepted it greedily.
you pulled abby on top of you by her hair, whining back when she moaned against your lips again. her own hand snaked up your body, squeezing at your thighs and hips as she fell on top of you, then pushing your oversized shirt over your chest, exposing your chest and making a clear pathway for herself. still, as starving as she was, she tried to take her time with you, wrapping her fingers around your jaw to hold you in place, and only stiffening up when you parted your legs, wrapping them around her and shoving your bare cunt against her firm stomach.
"wait," she whispered against your lips, "wait f'me, baby. let me have some."
you whine and protest as abby's strong arm holds you down by your throat, her other coming down to pin your fighting, impatient wrists to your stomach.
"baby, baby please," you're crying between broken moans as her tongue runs up your neck, stopping just so you can feel her heavy breathing against the shell of your ear when she slowly begins to work her hips against yours, the fabric of her boxers smearing your arousal across her thighs.
"fuck, baby I know," she groans, and if it wasn't for the way she gritted her teeth, you'd think she was annoyed rather than desperately holding herself together.
"abby, I --"
abby's hand on your jaw slips up some so she can shove two of her fingers in your mouth, and she lets out a stupid, desperate moan when she feels you choke around them for a second. then your eyes roll back just when she looks up, checking on her little angel, and she can't help but grunt louder, slamming her hips into your core in a way that makes you keen and your back arch, your smaller fists squeezing underneath her grip.
"god, shut up," she's practically begging as her hips rut into you. "please just, fuck, be quiet for a second, shit -"
she buries her face in your neck again, trying to satiate herself and regain some of her sanity, but your legs are now locked around her, pulling her against you in a way that has her clit brushing deliciously against the seam of her boxers. her head spins every time, and she lets out broken whines as she feels herself already tipping dangerously towards that edge as your body fights to consume her.
and god, it's torture for her, but for you, you just can't get enough. your fucking beast of a girlfriend trying so futilely to hold it together from just this stupid game of dry humping, when you're so, so willing to give her so much more.
let me have you, let me have you, you're chanting in your mind, your ankles pushing at the hem of abby's boxers.
you swallow around her fingers, and that seems to do it for her, granting you some edge as her other hand releases your wrists and flies to the side to hold herself up as her back arches against you with a loud groan.
your hands rush on to her back, your nails finding purchase just below her shoulder blades and ripping down the muscle until her fingers tear from your throat to slam against the bed and she stifles a cry by biting down on the base of your neck so hard that for a moment, you're worried she might draw blood.
"fuck," you rasp out against the pressure.
abby's shaking in your arms, moaning between the prettiest sobs as she gives in. she's pliant when your hands slip down to grab at her ass, and she lifts her hips to help you slip her boxers off, kicking them behind her.
she leans back, her blonde hair dripping onto your exposed tits. the cold water makes you shudder, and you let abby shove her bare cunt between your legs and slotting one thigh over you.
your lips fall in a open-mouthed gasp and she swears as her entrance rocks against your throbbing clit, one of her hands coming down to steady your hips and the other to hold her shirt up over her stomach so she can see the way you're making a mess of her thighs.
she stays there for a minute, brutalizing your bundle of nerves for her own pleasure. your head falls against the mattress, and you let out ridiculous whines, your hands fisting and slamming against the sheets below you, even coming up to claw at her strong thighs that kept you pinned so tightly in place.
"fuck, fuck, 's too much," you're choking out, and now it's your turn for the waterworks while abby only chuckles, laughing breathlessly as she presses down harder.
"no, no baby," she coos between her own moans, running her tongue over her teeth as she shudders. She slips her hips down some until you're fully rutting against each other again, the sheer wetness making it that much more difficult for your brain to process. "'s not, sweetheart, you can take it. i know you can baby."
you shake your head, and abby rolls her eyes, quickening her pace until your cheeks rouge and your whining grows. your hips twitch beneath her, uncontrollably bucking up to kiss her pussy again and again and again despite your pleas.
"what's wrong?" she purrs, her hand coming from your hips to run itself down from your neck, to your chest, to the back of your thigh. "thought you wanted it, thought you were begging for it, baby."
you whine again, shivering under her touch as she leans down, her mouth capturing the meat of your thigh as she rocks against you. she bites harder with each push and pull, and your tired body can't take it. it's too easy to get worked up for her like this.
"abs, ohmygod, stop, 'm gonna-"
abby's all to keen, knows exactly what you're going to say before you can even finish your sentence.
"shit, fuck, no you're not," abby grunts, ripping away from you in an instant.
your arched back hits the mattress with a full on sob, and you can feel your unsatisfied arousal leaking onto the sheets, the sickness between your thighs and on your stomach, the smell of abby, abby, abbyabbyabby until you jolt back up, letting out a small cry at the sudden impact against your clit.
she does it again and again, slapping your swollen cunt until your body is on the verge of cumming just from this. you're already so pent up, so touch-starved that you'd probably cum just from her biting you again, and she knows it, knows you're both like that right now.
your arms prop you up as one of her hands holds open your parted thighs, and her lips are consuming yours again as she growls with every spasm and whine she pulls from you. she doesn't stop until she really thinks you might burst, when you're starting to lift your hips for more instead of trying to hide away.
"god, you're filthy, baby," she groans against your mouth, and you only nod dumbly, knees shaking as you try to catch your breath. she's kneeling between your legs, ready to worship her sweet slice of heaven, ready to piece you back together.
abby's hand comes down gently this time, just the tip of her middle finger tracing over the mess between your legs until she's prodding it against your entrance so delicately that your brain nearly short-circuits.
she looks back up at you, her chest heaving from some sort of late-onset restraint and with such devotion filling her dilated eyes that you almost can't move, can't breathe. her eyes rake over you, holding every detail for an extra moment to commit it to memory, and when it's clear you're too awestruck by her, too overwhelmed by the sight of her poised in reverence, she speaks for you.
"gonna let me in, pretty girl?" abby asks, the words dripping off of her tongue like a velvety chocolate. you nod stupidly, your head bobbing in a way that's a little too eager, but she doesn't say anything about it.
instead, she hums, licking her lips as she wraps a hand around your head, pulling you so that her nose bumps against yours. abby presses her lips against yours, and one of your hands shakes as it finds its way up to grasp at her bicep. she's much more gentle this time, much more cautious as the tip of her finger begins to delve inside.
you pull away from her lips with a gasp when she intrudes, turning your face to hide it in your shoulder. you can't help but squeeze around the single digit, your knees already trembling.
"uh-uh," she tsks softly, her raspy voice echoing against your ear. she kisses your temple, and her hand slides down some to turn your face back towards her.
"let me see you," she whispers, sucking in a gasp as she pushes her finger farther into you, curving her palm to fit snugly against you.
your eyes flutter up to hers, almost shyly as you feel your ears burn and your eyes threaten to water as she holds your gaze. she nods when you do, curling her finger inside of you as she praises you, the ridges of your walls clinging to her finger so tightly that she's taking small, shallow breaths now.
"that's it," she murmurs, holding your head in place so you have to look at her. "that's my girl."
you let out a small whimper, the embarrassment running straight to your core as she begins to work her finger in and out, guiding it further each time until the base of her thumb glides over your clit. when it does, she groans, and can't help but push her hand harder against you until she's practically shoving you into the mattress and you swear you can feel her in your throat.
stars flutter around the blurry edges of the halo that is her golden hair, and the tears in your eyes begin to slip again between the way she's carving a god damn signature inside of you and how she's holding you so tightly against her.
you open your mouth, trying to speak but hopelessly interrupted by a mixed sob and moan. she chuckles softly, but it's tender and sweet, and she nods, brushing her thumb over your temple.
"I know, sweetheart, I know."
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saintsofchaos reblogged el-presidente 🔁
🌄tinyakitten Follow
MAKING A TEA FARM FOR MY BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND <3
⚔️saintsofchaos Follow
She’s on a different team Tina 0_0
🌄tinyakitten Follow
mad bc you’re single huh bad??? how’s it going with forever
🍃el-presidente ✅ Follow
👀👀👀👀????
⚔️saintsofchaos Follow
I’m blocking you
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👓puddle-of-slime Follow
JUST HAD SEX WITH MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE LIKE THREE TIMES IN THE PUBLIC POOL AT GLOBAL <3 LOVE IS REAL
#i’m unblocking him #i feel like i just saw god
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carnivoreanimal reblogged saintsofchaos 🔁
⚠️pac-trigger-warning Follow
im literlally fucking crying and sbhakding what did he meanb by this
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🔪carnivoreanimal Follow
ola queridinho ;)
🛤️industrial-revolution Follow
BACK BACK BACXK BACK BACK
🛤️industrial-revolution Follow
GO AWAYYYYYYY
🛤️industrial-revolution Follow
HE'S LITERALLY NUERODIVERGENT AND A MINOR
🛤️industrial-revolution Follow
YOURE BREKAING HIS BOUNDARIES YOURE BREAKING HIS BOUNDARIES YOURE ON HIS DNI LIST
🛤️industrial-revolution Follow
KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS
🛤️industrial-revolution Follow
@/saintsofchaos GET HIS ASS
⚔️saintsofchaos Follow
@/carnivoreanimal Cellbit you wanna 1v1 me at blue's base if you're not too scared??? OwO
🔪carnivoreanimal Follow
i'm going to eat pac's other leg
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parrot-animations reblogged peterparkoier 🔁
🔪carnivoreanimal Follow
saudades de meu esposo :(
🗡️peterparkoier Follow
TE AMO GATINHO 💖💖💖💖💖
🖋️parrot-animations Follow
it's important to me that you all know cellbit is kicking his feet and giggling and twirling his hair reading this over and over btw
#gay people real!!!! #this is the man y’all are afraid of??? he’s literally a cat in human form
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parrot-animations reblogged ninjastarboy 🔁
🖋️parrot-animations Follow
BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS
🔪carnivoreanimal Follow
BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS
🦈foolishgaymers777 Follow
BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS
🪶baghzzzzzzzzzzz Follow
BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS
🛹carreraaa Follow
BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS
👓puddle-of-slime Follow
BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS
🐦crowfather Follow
BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS BOLAS
🌟ninjastarboy Follow
is this what having a stroke feels like
🖋parrot-animations Follow
STROKIN DEEZ BOLAS HA GOTTEM
#TEAM BOLAS 🔛🔝
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industrial-revolution reblogged tinyakitten 🔁
🔎pacifist-detective Follow
i miss tina :((((
🌄tinyakitten Follow
I MISS YOU TOO WHERE ARE YOU I'M BRINGING YOU FOOD
🔎pacifist-detective Follow
YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE I'M AT GLOBAL 🥰🥰🥰
🌄tinyakitten Follow
I'M ON MY WAY RIGHT NOWWWWWWWWW
⚔️saintsofchaos Follow
Do you need an escort to get you there Tina?? 0_0
🌄tinyakitten Follow
GET A JOB!!!!! STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!!!!
⚔️saintsofchaos Follow
I'm just trying to be helpful -_-
🌄tinyakitten Follow
YOU'RE NOT KILLING HER ON MY WATCH
🛤️industrial-revolution Follow
wlw on mlm violence!!! hashtag love wins
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industrial-revolution reblogged armedanarchist-deactivated8008135 🔁
🦾armedanarchist-deactivated8008135
this fucking sucks. they couldn't let me have my kid on the island, they couldn't let me have morning crew in purgatory. this is hell this is actual hell i can't even have pac because his team made him kill me. this fucking hurts fuck this gay earth
🛤️industrial-revolution Follow
king i hate to tell you this but you posted this on your main insted of your secret side vent blog that no one but me and phil have ever been able to find 👍 thuoght i should let yuo know
🦾armedanarchist-deactivated8008135
IF YOU NOTICED THEN WHY DID YOU FUCKING REBLOG IT INSTEAD OF MESSAGING ME
🛤️industrial-revolution Follow
WHY ARE YOU STILL REBLOGGING IT INSTEAD OF DELETING IT KING
⚠️pac-trigger-warning Follow
fit are you okay??? i'm sorry i was telling them not to kill you :( do you want to meet up and talk???
🦾armedanarchist-deactivated8008135
I'M DEACTIVATING
🛤️industrial-revolution Follow
IT'S SO JOEVER 💀
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