#Find yourself a partner who supports you like Lucy does

[theflyindutchwoman]

With all due respect, sir, you're a pain in my ass.

| Lucy Chen + being the proudest girlfriend in front of everyone, including the watch commander every time Tim reaches a milestone in his career : a collection (Tim's version)

[osiris-iii-bc]

Dinner time [Kids temp part II - Papa Emeritus IV x F!Reader -OS]

Following the suggestion of a reader, here it is a second part where we witness the after-encounter commentary of the Sisters… and so much more.

This had been sitting in my drafts for literal months, but there were some details I really couldn’t work until inspiration hit back again.

I know I often make parallels between cunnilingus and food, but girl, if they gotta eat, they gotta eat.

This story in particular was written mostly for fun and to give a little bit of love to the Sisters, with little glimpse of their everyday life at the Ministry. Enjoy ;)

****

Title: Dinner time [Kids Temp part II]

Genre: PWP, smut, explicit, oral sex, sex, nsfw

Pairing: Papa Emertitus IV x F!Reader (Sister of Sin)

Rating: Nc17

Summary: After the first encounter in his office, thanks to a cup of kids temp coffee, Papa requests you to serve dinner in his chambers. You obviously do not neglect the task… and the new bet with your Sister-best friend. Wattpad | AO3 or down here 👇🏻

Fors those who haven’t read the first part: Kids Temp >>> Wattpad | AO3

You run straight to your group of Sister friends, jumping with your brightest grin. 

They are grouped in the cloister, enjoying each other’s company between chores. 

You hug the Sister you had made the bet with, your best friend, wrapping your arms around her neck and kissing her on the lips. “Do you feel it? That’s the taste of victory!” you chirp with your high-pitched voice. 

“Nooo way!” she screams in response, just as happy as you. “My little hoe!”

“Ah, great, you did it…” you hear Sister Lucy, visibly irritated, "but you know what? I fucked Terzo so many times that you can go fuck yourself.”

“All pre-Copia sisters here fucked Terzo, there's really nothing to brag about.” another sister comments.

"Oh, come on, don't be sad... maybe he was just in a bad mood that day," you try to comfort her. You know she's not really mad at you, only let down because she didn't make it with Copia. You're soon interrupted by the other Sisters.

“Come on, tell us about his cock!”

"And his perfume! Does he really smell that good?"

"He smells like he bathes in Armani every morning..." you confirm, rolling your eyes all dreamy.

"I knew it was Armani!"

"How did you persuade him? He looks so unreachable lately..."

"It was pretty easy, actually. I don't know what worked… I just acted annoying as usual." You shrug. "You just have to insist a bit more, I guess. It's all about keeping the connection."

Another Sister interrupts you again. “But back to the most important thing: the dick.”

“Is he big?”

“Yes! He IS big! And he is soooo good… And he likes deepthroat…”

“All men like deepthroat.”

“Yes but the way he pushes you down is…” again you roll your eyes as you were telling them of a dream “…so demanding.”

"Did you only blow him?"

"Yeah," you say with a little bit of disappointment. "But it was great anyway."

"Well, you made it anyway. Maybe he likes you..." Sister Ania tenderly caresses your hair with the sweetest smile. "Maybe he'll make you his new chosen partner."

You really wish… you feel so in love. 

You decided to join the Clergy after watching the band at a concert, after Copia was proclaimed new Papa. In the dimly lit concert hall, hidden from your oppressive family who had no knowledge of your attendance, you watched in awe Papa Emeritus IV magnifically honoring Lucifer and decided you wanted to spend the rest of your days kneeling before that man. It was your call to escape,  to run away from your family, finding a new, loving one in the other Sisters with a similar background as yours.

To everybody you are still “The little one”, everyone’s child. Much like the other girls who joined the order at a tender age, you sought refuge among the Sisters, forging bonds with those who shared backgrounds akin to your own, supporting each other and sharing fantasies of your favorite Papas, fueled by the tales of the older sisters, who were much more experienced than you but always ready to guide and protect you through their teachings.

You found in sex liberation and power, when you felt ready to experiment with it, and in the Sisters of Sins a new, loving family.

Days are dedicated to the rigors of the Ministry, toiling away at chores and immersing yourself in rituals, masses and daily life of the order. But as the sun dips below the horizon, nights come alive. The dormitories echo with the sound of celebration – parties, orgies, and whispers that stretch into the morning. Here, you all share the common bond of sisterhood, stories from the older ones, and the simple joys of being together.

Among the many sisters, one name reigns supreme: Serena, The Legend. She holds a unique distinction, having been with all the Papas throughout her time. Contrary to common belief, having sex with a Papa wasn't something to be taken for granted. 

Even before the formal inception of the Sisters of Sin order during Secondo's papacy, Serena was already a devout fan. She had followed the band from its humble beginnings in small clubs, led by Primo. During that period, she had been engaged to an insufferable man who only succeeded in making her feel insecure.

Yet, as she found herself chanting those unholy lyrics alongside Primo and a handful of early fans, it was like a clarion call to reclaim her independence. Serena had been one of the earliest to join the Sisters of Sin order. Breaking up with her useless fiancé, she embarked on a personal mission: to find Primo and complete the to-do list of Papas. She tracked him down in the Ministry and managed to sneak into his room one night. 

When asking her how did she manage to fuck with him, given his age, she just responded “Dick didn't work well anymore, but damn me if the man can still use fingers and tongue!”

She had a personal chart of the Papas, which looked like this:

Primo: definitely too old to have a proper fuck, but the best with tongue and fingers.

Secondo: the biggest dick of all. Dominant, strong, perverted. The drawback was that he was often too drunk; a few times, he even drifted off mid-action.

Terzo: a pretty average dick, but totally compensated by his twisted kinks and his romantic ways. He definitely knew how to treat a woman, while he was a total whore with boys and Ghouls. Funniest sex, especially in group, but better not to trust whatever he said during it. He just forgot the moment he came.

Copia: she fucked with him both as a Cardinal and as a Papa; even though she had been one of his selected partners for a bit, she first got the impression he preferred boys, to the point she thought he was just gay. Big dick, a shame he was so shy now. A wasted potential.

Needless to say, Papa Nihil is definitely off-limits for everyone.

You spend nights awake in her dormitory listening, along with the other girls, to her stories and hoping to reach her success and confidence. 

Copia is only the first Papa you had been with.

You love your friends. 

“Have you seen my panties?” One of them is now calling you while you have your hand busy into Cardinal Anthony’s pants. 

“No, honey...”

“A ghoul wants to smell them while we fuck.”

“I haven't seen ‘em, but here, take mine.” you grab the panties on the floor near you and hand them to her, keeping the rhythm of your hand on the cardinal. You know the Ghouls can easily smell the difference but you’re sure that will not be important on that occasion.

“Thank you, love.” and she leans to kiss your temple before leaving with your panties.

The orgies are an integral part of your daily routine. They serve not only to celebrate Satan’s - and yours - lust, but also to strengthen your bonds with your siblings and hierarchy figures, as well as to explore yourselves and your boundaries. 

Although some might say that is a mere exploitation of the Sister’s body, to all of you it is an empowering expression of freedom. Every participant holds absolute autonomy over their bodies and choices. You have the freedom to accept or decline an invitation, to select your partners, and determine the duration of your participation. In this environment, all forms of unions are not only allowed but encouraged. You never felt so safe, and you are grateful you had your first sexual experience there, in a safe and controlled environment.

No longer after, another voice distracts you in the middle of the encounter. 

“Once you’re finished here, take a shower and come to the kitchen.” An older Sister instructs, standing beside you as you ride the cardinal with moderate emphasis.

“Why?” You ask breathkessly.

“He wants you to serve his dinner in his room.”

“Who?”

“The Papa, sweetheart.”

“Papa?!” you burst into the biggest grin.“Yes!” you scream while riding even harder the cardinal under you, “yes!” and the thought of him fills your mind while you lose yourself in the overwhelming orgasm.

Not long later, you stand in the kitchen, fully prepared, patiently awaiting the moment to deliver the tray to his room.

You look down the tray: a salad, some fruits, a yogurt and a juice brick. All cold food. You smirk, your mind already awash with enticing fantasies.

Once more, you find yourself standing before a wooden door, tray in hand. It feels like a déjà vu, but this time, the wooden door leads to his chambers.

Less than an hour before, you had quickly cleaned yourself after the intercourse with cardinal Anthony and had run, still naked, to your best friend, who was blowing a ghoul.

“Papa wants me to serve his dinner!”

She had gestured you to wait one second, her mouth obviously full. Once done, she had just said “What?”.

And you had set another bet. 

This time you needed to come both to win it. Full sex. You couldn’t wait.

Once more, you present the tray to the Ghoul and knock on the door, glad to hear his voice again after months, allowing you to enter.

"Your Unholiness," you greet him, a touch more confident than your last visit but still carrying a hint of insecurity from the time apart. "I've brought your dinner."

"Thank you, dear," he utters, his attention momentarily absorbed by his work at the writing desk. After a few moments, he shifts his gaze toward you. He's donned a pair of reading glasses, which he removes before rising and moving to the grand dining table at the center of the room. The place exudes opulence, adorned with a lavish predominance of gold that glistens with every source of light. 

Everything within it seems so precious, and you can't help but imagine yourself surrendering to Papa's expert hands while leaning on that table, surrounded by all that opulent gold.

He appeared to be busy but you really can't tell with what. He gestures to the table, "Leave it here," he calmly instructs. There's a perpetual aura of solemnity that surrounds him, making you feel small and fortunate if he merely spares a glance in your direction.

You do as instructed, carefully leaving the tray where he indicated. You're now close enough to catch the faint scent of his cologne. Today, he's dressed in a somewhat more "casual" manner, wearing a decorated black cassock.

"It's good to have you here again," you express, allowing yourself to inquire, "How was the tour, if I may ask?"

"Very thorough, but successful indeed. We had a very positive response," he replies.

"Me and the other sisters watched some videos… you've been amazing," you share, with a certain admiration.

“Oh, you have? How nice.” you feel relieved to see his little smile again every time he says something. “How is it going here? Did you girls behave well?”

"We had a couple of LaVeyan's rituals, I’ve done the altar once!" you exclaim with excitement.

"Ah, really?" He seems pleased to hear that. "I know Secondo loved LaVeyan's rituals. I'm glad you're carrying on the old traditions."

He then glances at you standing beside the table. "But please, have a seat," he invites. "I don't want you to stand there like that."

Now, you're feeling noticeably more confident. He appears much more approachable than the first time you were alone with him. As you sit at his table, you gather the courage to ask, "How are you, Papa?" but almost immediately wonder if "Papa" might be too informal of a name to use.

However, he doesn't seem to mind. "Content, but tired... hopefully I'll have a little break from my duties now that the first part of the tour is over."

"Time to relax a bit..."

"Yeah... time to relax."

For a moment you stare at each other with complicity, and then you add, "I've known you specifically requested me to bring you dinner..."

“I may have.” he confirms. He rubs his fingers before continuing “You seem like a… colorful distraction to have around.”

You smile, surprised by his tender words. "I'm happy to know you still remember me," 

He smiles briefly and glances away, seemingly a bit embarrassed by his own thoughts. "Sometimes... you came back to my mind during the lonely nights after gigs..."

You can already see where this conversation will lead. "I hope there were good memories."

"You left me with a good memory, indeed."

"You too..." your smile transforms into a smirk. It seems like the time for small talk has come to an end. "...and with a good taste."

“Actually…” and he pauses, as you slowly pull up the skirt on your thighs, progressively folding the fabric in your palms to expose yourself before his eyes, legs slightly apart. He looks down on you, interested, looking away after a few seconds, moving his tongue inside his mouth before continuing, “Well… You really don’t like to wait, little girl.”

You can only smile and bite your lower lip with joyful anticipation. “Why wait when time is already so little…”

He tilts his head, raising an eyebrow as if hit by those words. “As I was trying to say, I thought that last time we met, we only focused on me… maybe it wasn’t really kind of me to send you away without some… proper care.”

“That’s very nice of you…” you say. Leaning forward, you add, "May I come closer? This table is so large, it's hard to hear you."

As you stand up, your skirt gracefully falls to your legs. You move to his side, circling the table. Now standing in front of him, you create a smaller space between his chair and the table. He looks up at you, and you continue, "I was impressed by your stage performance, especially with your… fingers… and the thrusts…”

Copia chuckles, recalling the scenes he did during the heatwave of the shows.

"I wonder if you could show me in person..." You take one of his hands from the armrest and guide it lightly to your chest.

“Yes, I like… to use fingers…” and he timidly opens his glove covered hand to caress your breast, softly and hesitant. “I must say… you know how to start a fire.” he considers, pushing his hand on you a bit more, feeling your nipples wake up when he squeezes it, once again letting himself ignite by the growing excitement.

You smirk, looking down at him. You take off his glove, then slide his hand down your torso, until you reach your groin. He massages it through the fabric of your habit, but again you lift up the skirt, and his fingers finally get in contact with your bare skin. He starts by timidly caressing your inner thigh with the back of his index finger, while you start to breath heavily already.

He must find it so easy to casually slide his thumb up and down your clitoris, already wet. The other fingers lightly touching the area of your well lubed entrance. He’s still timid, looking distractly away, but when he looks at what his hand is doing he can’t help but release a heavy breath, his eyes darkening in desire.

You moan, your head rolls back with a step backwards, stopped by the edge of the table. Your hands grab the wood at your sides while you move to sit on it.

He then pulls the chair closer, and you have a silly realization of what he really meant by having you serving his dinner. 

“Can I, sister…?” He asks, looking up at you, his hands already on your thighs.

“I bet you must be hungry…”

A smirk, and he disappears under your skirt to finally start enjoying his meal. You don’t see it but you feel what he is doing. You really feel it, and you remember why you like older men, thinking how many girls they have licked to gain their experience. He really seems the type who doesn’t really know how to start, but once in action he doesn’t hold back at all.

He’s patient, precise, moves his tongue with experienced technique; not in that fast, fidgety way the young priests and Brothers, and even other Sisters, do; his laps are soft, long and warm, just like he was eating a melting ice cream, licking all directions to prevent the cream to slide down… he licks you like he really loves doing it. 

And he loves to delve his tongue deep between your labias and hear you panting while you move your hip towards his face, immersed in the warmth of your thighs.

All of a sudden, he speeds up, and that warm stimulation of his tongue moving quickly on your clitoris makes you almost jump.

You instinctually raise a leg and put your foot on the chair armrest, guided by his hand, gently pushing it to open you up a bit more. 

You need to hold on something so you reach to his head, running your fingers through his now partially silver hair, gently guiding him when you need him to push more against you. The only thing you hear is wet sounds mixed with yours and his soft moans, which makes your whole body pulse and tremble.

At the end, when you start to run out of breath and your leg vibrate for the pleasure, he decides to stop, leaving you breathless and slightly disappointed.

Copia stands up, and that move alone is enough for you to flinch and gasp with anticipation. Despite not being exceptionally tall, he still towers over you, even as you sit on the table, and you look up to him, lips parted, impatient to feel his big hands on your waist and his mouth on you again. That’s what he does, grabbing your waist to pull you closer. In his face now, you catch a glimpse of the fierceness he shows on stage. You are his audience now, and he knows the power he got on you. If he were to ask you to bark, you'd already be on all fours, ready to give him your best performance.

You hope for it a little.

But instead you moan to the sensation of his covered erection against your nude, sensitive skin, while he takes advantage of your open lips to surprise you with a deep, passionate kiss, pushing between your legs even more. You taste yourself on his tongue and lips.

He hesitates for a moment, as if struck by a sudden thought.

"I don't want you to think I'm only using you…," he whispers against your lips, a hint of reconsideration showing on his face.

"You can use me any way you desire," you respond.

"Don't say that," he says softly before kissing you, his thumbs caressing your cheeks.

Before you can even expect it, you find yourself heavily panting to the sudden sensation of fulfillment that his two fingers pushed deep inside you provide. His head is hidden on the curve between your neck and shoulder, easily deepening inside you, curving his fingers in search of your point, then going out and in again, faster and faster.

“Please, Papa... I need more…” You manage to whisper with broken voice, following his rhythm with your hips. “Please…” and you remove your cap, finally freeing your hair. He grabs it, pulling you to him for a greedy, wet kiss while his expert fingers keep pushing inside you with no mercy.

Time to take the lead, so you reach his cassock to unbutton it under his curious eyes.

“Oh, Sister…”

You hear him grunting in your ear, muffling his moans through your hair, never daring looking at you while thrusting between your legs, with his cock in your hand.

With a little help he finally slides in, one hand on the table and the other on your hip, gasping and pushing in with all his strength.

The thrusts you had seen him do on stage are now pushing him as deep as he can in you, proving that’s not only stage acting. In a crescendo of your voices, him grunting quietly and you panting like a dying maiden, with high pitches whenever a well assessed thrust mercilessly hits your spot.

In the meantime, you frantically touch yourself on the clit, feeling him reaching his limit. His last pushes, the hips rotation and the crack in his voice give you the adrenaline rush you needed to reach your pick too, and as he greedily slides his tongue between your lips at the end, it is enough to come, resting your head on his shoulder, panting heavily in his ear as the orgasm shakes you for a few moments.

He holds you even tighter in his last spasms, feeling his desperate grip on your back, his hips tiredly moving for the last time before climax shakes his entire body, exhaling one last, exhausted grunt, leaning his neck over your shoulder.

“Wow…” you can only say, trying to catch your breath again. “You should spend more time with us… you’d make all us Sisters so happy.”

He shooks his head, chuckling “I’m not Terzo or Secondo…” he says with a tired smile “And you Sisters certainly have way more productive ways to spend time…” he finally falls on the chair, relaxing his limbs on the armrests while you fix yourself up. 

If you could see his cheeks tinged with a light pink beneath the paint, you might notice how he appears even more tender, regardless of his role and age. “I’m not what I used to be anymore, I’m afraid you girls are way out of my league now, eheh.” and that little jiggle while he brushes his hair back with his hands reminds you how much you love him.

He takes the plate of salad and positions it in front of him on the table once you get down. Some leaves have fallen onto the tray, and the juice box now rests on the side. He doesn't even look at you as he distractedly asks, “So, did you win this bet too...?”

Voices really run fast through the Clergy.

[thepictureofsdr]

“controversial opinion alastair carstairs has potentially had the hardest life out of any of the main characters in the shadowhunters universe so far” now you may be thinking to yourself “WHOA tumblr user thepictureofsdr back it up there, that is an incredibly bold, broad, and obnoxious take” HOWEVER i have a case to make.

(disclaimer this isn’t taking into account the villains or immortal characters while i personally understand cringe teenager psychology i cannot personally understand the psychology of people over 300 nor those with murderous urges, im not finished my degree. one more disclaimer in the notes)

there is one singular thing that i think sets alastair apart from any of his other mc shadowhunter colleagues: the fact that he has been alone his whole life.

you can pluck any mc from any cassie series and create a web of support for them, whether it be family or friends, whether the characters believe they have that support system or deserve it or not, that support is STILL THERE. at all points in TMI, clary, jace, alec, izzy, and simon were all there for each other. alec was pretending to believe jace was evil in coa? izzy was staunchly defending jace. clary had a falling out with the others? she had simon. this pattern continues into the books, with gideon and gabriel being forgiven by institute and allowed a place to heal, with jem and will each going through hell but having each other and then having tessa, with the blackthorn siblings having each other to fall back on (including emma), with kit finding a home in LA and then with the carstairs, with the merry thieves considering each other brothers, with cordelia spilling her heart out to lucie, hell even grace had jesse. obviously i haven’t named every character but you get the trend im going for. every character has had SOMEONE, a friend, a significant other, a parabatai, a sibling, the rare parent.

then we have alastair. he had a roughly normal childhood for a few years despite the moving around, having a healthy relationship with his baby sister. but then he turned 10, something changed and he lost everything. on top of having moved around a lot and not having a single stable friend, in a way, he lost his sister and parents. it’s impossible to have a carefree sibling relationship when you’re actively giving up your life and time to protect them. it is by no means cordelias fault that their relationship was lost, but its a sad truth. he loses that reliable open sibling relationship, he loses that relationship with his father, and his mother ceases to be a mother and becomes more a coworker in this panic to keep the family afloat. by taking on this adult role so early on in life he loses the innocence and unconditional reliability of those relationships, and he seemingly never turns to them for comfort ever again, with cordelia only finding out about part of his emotional ordeals in cog, and even then he doesn’t burden her with everything. with this breakdown of the parental units and relationship as well as being isolated, alastair also loses his only example of what a healthy romantic relationship should look like, he has no real idea how a partner should act, which we know will come into play later. let’s also not forget how the one family member that could’ve helped, jem, was actively pushed away by elias who raised his children to not trust silent brothers for his own personal selfish needs.

then he goes to school, desperate for friends and what does he get? a year of verbal and physical bullying, with rumours being spread about his family and bruises slowly covering him. he then has to spend years pretending he’s awful just to survive and by some miracle he gets out and makes 1 (one) singular friend who then publicly friend breaks up with him by threatening to throw him in a river at an engagement party attended by what i assume is the entire enclave (thank you matthew). THEN (yes this tragedy is still going) we get to one of the most unsettling relationships in the series, mostly because the bizarreness of it is just… never addressed? we get alastair and charles who were together in 1902 when they wouldve been about 18 and 23, meaning we got a man who would’ve graduated college by then going after someone who would have just graduated high school… on top of that it was an incredibly toxic relationship with charles making him feel as though he were worthless and a dirty secret and centered the entire relationship around him, his own schedule, his needs, his wants, never making time for anything on alastair’s terms. on top of the love sick teenager syndrome, alastair had never personally witnessed a healthy relationship so on top of that AND being desperate for the closeness and intimacy and support he’d gotten from no one before, he had no way of knowing he was being treated badly, he didn’t know any better until much later, after witnessing charles propose to not one but TWO GIRLS while still keeping alastair sidelined.

so to summarize, alastair has never had a lasting, appropriate, healthy, unconditional, relationship with 1. a parent 2. a sibling 3. a friend 4. a significant other 5. family. he has never been loved for the sake of being loved, hes never had someone care for him because he simply exists, everyone wants something from him and he’s never felt what its like to be truly cared for. for every trauma he has endured, for every night he went out as a child to find his drunken father passed out in a bar to drag him home, for every beating he suffered as a school boy, for every friendship that crumbled to nothing, for every time his only relationship used him and sent him to sleep unsure of his worth, he didn’t have a single person. there was no jem to assure him that no matter his faults he deserved love, no cecily to hand out forgiveness and remind him to not dwell on the past, to just move forward, no julian to turn to when he couldn’t hold up anymore, no izzy to tell him he deserves better or to point out the flaws in how he’s treated, no alec to let him rest and defend him, he has never experienced those healthy dynamics.

not only has he been dealt an awful set of cards, hes never had a single person to help him through life to the point where hes not only alone but the few relationships he does experience actively cause him more problems and pain. mind you this post doesn’t even really address the main traumas he endures this is just the breakdown of his relationships so just mentally add on his MAIN story to all of this… everything elias made him endure, all the bullshit the thieves throw in his face, every time hes given up his life for the sake of someone else… this is just the background to all of that.

in short i think alastair has had one of the hardest lives maybe even the hardest, not because i think hes suffered the worst traumas of all or i think he wins the sadness games, but because he has never had a single person to help him through what he’s experienced, to love him because he exists, never had a single person to care for him through it all and not only is he aware of this tragedy, he thinks he deserves it. he pushes people away, keeps his walls up, thinks he doesn’t deserve love from others, thinks he is too damaged and twisted to burden someone with his existence, and despite his genuinely kind soul, he still thinks he’s cruel and awful and deserving of nothing, but are we surprised? its not like he has anyone to tell him otherwise.

[oingo233]

Rapture is a Boy (6)

Summary: Remus and you have always had a playful, loving relationship but his behavior around the full moon leads you to assume the worst. A huge fight ends with the two of you heartbroken. Will Remus reveal the truth behind his behavior?  And will you still love him afterwards or has he truly lost you forever?

Young Remus Lupin x Reader (Neutral)

Warings: cussing in this one (words such as whore -but not in a negative way really, just the boys “joking” with one another- and other potty mouth words), mentions of cheating(but we all know the truth), overall angst and if I missed any pls let me know

Authors Note: I think we only have ONE more part left!  So lets both rejoice and cry hahaha. This series has had an overwhelming response and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you guys as friends on here and supporters, like you light up my day and I love you so much.  We recently hit 100 followers!!!! So watch out for a celebration post and what would you like to see for a celebration? Let me know.  I LOVE YOU ALL MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER KNOW!  ANyways, enjoy reading my dears....

Word Count: 2.2k

Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight

                                                       Part Six

                                     ****Take a Chance on Me****

I haven’t seen Remus at all, in roughly a day and a half since the morning we broke up.  He missed 1st period yesterday, and I make sure to avoid him in the halls.  I fear that if I caught even a glimpse of him, that my mind would silence itself and my body would fall into his, searching for some type of happiness we once had together.  Hoping it would return.  He hasn’t been to lunches or dinners, never in the common room.  Lily said she saw him often in the library, but refused to tell me more when I pressed for answers.

“You’re just hurting yourself (y/n).  I know it’s hard, but you have to at least try to ease your mind of him, not search for more ways to think of him,” She says, not looking up from her homework at the breakfast table. We just sat down together in the great hall for breakfast, and I asked once again about Remus. 

“I just want to know...I just- was he with her?” I ask dead out, despite the beating and grieving of my heart. She looks up at me with a soft smile.

“No, he wasn’t. I haven’t seen them together since the break up actually. Marlene says she heard her crying yesterday, just round 1st period.” She watches me take in this information with a slow nod. Though she has seen Remus, she has yet to speak to him, holding her own grudge for the way he treated me.  

“Guess he's an all around grade A heartbreaker and prick,” I say, she nods with me.  The mood turned somber at the current topic of conversation. I make quick work to change it, sick of the pitying looks and silence. “But aye, how’s James doing?” I smile, knowing she at least enjoys talking about him.  But my smile fades quickly as hers turns into a deep frown. 

“aven’t spoken to him since... just can’t believe he’d let Remus do such a thing.  Or not tell me or you!  They’re both daft pricks if ya ask me.” She grumbled, scowling as the doors burst open and as if we summoned the whole lot of them...The Marauders walked in.

First it was Sirius.  He strut in with his dark hair bouncing around his shoulder, his Gryffindor tie is like a headband around his forehead which he usually only sports in the common room, teachers tell him way too often to put it back in order. “More of a hassle than a fashion statement during classes, really...” He always says. A tired yet trademark smirk written across his face at the piles of food before him that would easily stir anyone's mood.  The smell alone was fantastic, and he rushed to his seat quickly and wasted no time in setting up his plate. 

Then, as if fate wanted me to suffer, Remus walked in slowly.  His head held high and shoulders pulled back, he is wearing a button up shirt that seemed rather bulky and his robes cascade behind him like rolling waves as he runs a hand through his slightly messy hair.  His wide doe eyes find mine and in them the truth is revealed.  

He is not as relaxed as the ease in his walk may suggest, he was not as happy.  Deep within his eyes I seemed to get sucked into a whirlpool of heartbreaking sadness, anger and what seems to be a plead.  Look at me, he pleads, try and understand me once again.  I break away from the eye contact and time resumes itself.  We are no longer lovers stuck in resign, no, we are now just stuck in our own minds.

I was so caught up in thought that I didn’t see the next two marauders walk through the door.  Was Remus wearing sparkly eye shadow? Looks nice, I think, ugh no you don’t like cheating pigs (y/n), I tell myself.  I question to myself and analyze our first encounter in two days so much that I miss the way Lily cleared her throat as Peter and James sat down in front of us. Scooting the giggling girls out of the way with their wiggling bums, just to fit. But I did not miss the way Lily’s hard voice rang out.

“What do you want?” She said. Shuffling nervously in her seat as James gives her a desperate and sad face, a frown tugging at his lips until he forces it into a smile.

“Nice to see you too, Evans,” He says, he turns to me and now both him and Peter were staring up at me.  “How are you (y/n)?” Peter asks, the whole table could feel how hard he was bouncing his leg. I grit my teeth trying not to get annoyed with them, Lily was right, maybe they knew about Remus and Lucy and kept it from me.  I raise a brow at the pair and smile sweetly.

“You here as a friend of mine, or a friend of Remus’s?” I ask, my tone dropping to sounding almost blunt and cold, but I keep smiling so to mask my true emotions.  Disappointment and betrayal, all of course stemming from my sadness.

“Uh...” Peter hesitates for just one second too long, James jumps in.

“Here for you of course!” He smiles, bouncing in his seat once with anxiety, smiling into his hand that cupped his chin. Lily narrowed her eyes at him, he was too suspicious, trying too hard. Peter nods quickly but over his right shoulder I glance at a peeking Remus, who quickly turns away and curses under his breath.

“Bullshit.” I say. Laughing to hide my feeling of hurt. They wince with the realization that they’re worse liars than they thought.  “But if you’re going to report this all to Remus, tell him he should check up on Lucy and any other, other partners he may have, instead of wondering about the one that hates his guts.” I continue casually, picking up my toast and biting into it cheerily.

“Well, as Remus’s friend, (y/n), I know that he has only ever loved you.” James says, pushing himself off the counter looking rather upset at my words. James nods at me before walking away, leaving Peter to stare at me blankly, as if trying to figure me out, then looks off sadly to the ground and gets up himself.  

James’s words echo in my head.  Remus has only ever loved me.  I felt dizzy.  None of this makes sense.  Instead of trying to think through things, I let my mouth and emotions take over, I go to say something but my voice cracks.  I clear my throat softly and hastily, before trying again.

“And don’t bother talking to me again unless it is as my friend.  I miss you guys and you’re just breaking my heart too...” My voice became thick despite my anger, I was devastated at the lost of the boys friendship, and above all Remus.  It only hurt more for them to try and use our friendship as some sort of way to console and heal Remus. What about me?  I was their friend, was I not?

3rd POV

James swallows thickly, cheeks blushing at the hard glare Lily gave him.  Both Peter and him slump in posture, seeming to drag themselves shamefully back to their seats with the other two boys.  Peter wanted to cry, he never meant to hurt you.  James wanted to cut off his own tongue, could he do anything right? The two boys continue to think badly of themselves, not even noticing the way Remus was chewing on the skin of his thumb and staring them down for answers and details.

“Well?” Remus says, pulling his thumb back as it began to bleed, filling his mouth with a rather unpleasant taste. Sirius watched as Remus’s face contorted with anxiety and impatience. “What they say?” He asked again, this time lightly bumping his knee into Peter’s who sat closest to him.

Peter only slumps further, sinking his spoon into his bowl of cereal.  James is the one to finally answer him, Sirius and Remus lean closer as James begins to speak.

“Well. To sum it up for ya mate, you’re an asshole and so are we.” Remus and Sirius sink back, Remus stares at James until Peter speaks up.

“They said you...” He shakes his head, not wanting to say further when Remus already looked on the verge of madness.  But then the sly satisfaction of repeating the words to Remus sank in, if Remus was just honest and didn’t ignore you every goddamn second then they all wouldn’t be in this whole mess and you would be feeling a lot happier.  But it was ultimately the look on Remus’s desperate face that broke him.  “They said you should check up on Lucy instead-”

“Or your other girlfriends, or boyfriends or other partner.  As in you’re a whore” James adds both dully and trying to pull a humorous smile from the sullen group, he wanted to quickly take it back with the angry faces of all the boys looking back at him.

Peter gives one last glare to James before continuing “-and to not ask them because they...they don’t currently like you.” Peter finishes. James snorts.

“And that’s putting it lightly.” He says. Sirius ribs him and tries to gauge Remus’s reaction from across the table.  When silence falls over them and Remus looks like he might throw up and cry like yesterday, Sirius begins to speak.

“Except Moony isn’t a whore,” Remus looks up at him almost hopefully, and Sirius continues, praying his speech is as encouraging as it is in his head. “But you were always a whore for (y/n), and they have always, and I mean always, been a whore for you too.” Remus releases the breath he was holding with a roll of his eyes, wanting to just tear their plans for this morning into shreds.  Sirius deflates upon realizing his speech, was infact not at all very inspiring.

But none of the boys had any time to dwell on how colossally bad the morning is already going, instead their was an anxiety welling up in their bellies.  They were going to pull a prank.  Well, not really a prank, but something just as drastic and silly and surely the whole school will see.  But unlike their other pranks, everyone will no without a doubt, that it will be them to blame.  Yet it was something they had to do nonetheless, because it was more than a prank, it was a plan.

A plan to win you back. 

Remus had the idea some time early yesterday, and spent the rest of his hours planning it to perfection, getting components ready, and of course convincing the boys to help.  By the end of the day his hand was cramped and sore from writing all day, his stomach and eyes protesting for both food and sleep, he spent all day in the library getting everything ready. 

 He also owes Peter any chocolate he wants every time they go down to Hogsmeade now and to play fetch with Pads whenever Sirius wanted to get “more exercise than you ever will get in a lifetime. None of you will understand the wonder that is a dog playing fetch, AND I look majestic as hell.” 

But James agreed to do it free of charge. He missed Lily dearly and wanted her back just as much as Remus was hoping to win you back. Of course, none of the boys really cared what they got out of it.  They just wished to see you and Remus happy once again.

The boys all glance back at your table.  You were hunched and your toast was untouched since being with James and Peter, bags heavy and prominent under your eyes and Lily, though trying to be cheerful for you, looked just as gloomily.  James, Sirius, Peter and especially Remus felt absolutely awful. They felt as if heavy rocks of guilt and sadness was being laid upon their chest and they would soon be crushed to death.

“This better work...” James grumbles, dipping his fingers into his pockets and pulling out sparkly blue eye shadow. Quickly, as if scared to get caught, he slips his fingers past his glasses and decorated his eyes with the color. 

 Sirius grabbed the makeup next and even went as far as smearing it messily across his lips. 

 Peter went after, applying it to his cheeks like blush, and if you looked hard enough you’d see actual pink under the blue. They looked gorgeous, though some of the boys felt embarrassed(they all secretly enjoyed it though, Sirius the most). Girls were giggling beside them, James wanted to crawl under the table and hide.  

Remus grabbed gold makeup from his own pocket, already having it on his lids he now placed it on his lips so he looked like both the David Bowie and ABBA that you liked and spoke so highly of. Taking a deep breath he turns to James.

“It will” he says. They all pocket their makeup as music begins to play softly, getting louder until levitating speakers they charmed earlier bursts through the door and blasts the great hall with ABBA ‘Take a Chance on Me”.  The whole of the great hall fell silent as the song shook their breakfast plates and suddenly a button hit one kid in the head and robe was strewn across another.  Everyone stared as The Marauders climbed atop the Gryffindor table...

Taglist:

@crazylokonugget​     @beyondprincess​     @1975weasley​    @nicodoesntexist  @goto-hi-this-is-my-brain    @yoyoitsbella​    @ftwert   @sognatrice-as-a-hobby​   @dontjudgemyobsessionpls​   @blackpinkdolan​​    @holdenviolet​​  @katie-lupin05   @acoustic-archie​

[writing-fool]

mlqc | let’s hit rewind

What kind of videos would the MLQC guys make if they were YouTubers? I think this is a youtube!au, but to be fair, Kiro probably has a YouTube channel in canon. See it as you will? I won’t really talk about their life outside of YT/internet so you can decide for yourself whether this is an AU or not, and whether they’re a full-time YouTuber or not.

As always, enjoy, and requests are open!

Love,

R.

Warning(s): none

Victor

Victor probably has a cooking channel

scratch that. he absolutely starts as one of those Aesthetic™ cooking channels like Cooking tree, HANSE, Sweet The MI or Nino’s Home.

his channel is called Souvenir because he’s not THAT original you can’t expect everything from a man, people. 

he starts off doing these voiceless cooking videos, but after a voice and face reveal at 2 million followers where he cooks something for his followers as a thanks...well, who wouldn’t want more of that sultry voice and glorious face

currently has about 4 million subscribers

Victor’s channel is kind of comparable to Junskitchen, a rather relaxed, casual atmosphere combined with exquisite, refined cuisine

if he feels like it, he does a voice-over, otherwise he just puts calm jazz, blues or r&b over his cooking

HAS done an ASMR special. low-key dislikes the video because he has to whisper voice-overs but people LOVE it

likes making all kinds of foods, but his channel features quite a lot of sweet foods and desserts because a certain dummy has a sweet tooth

a pretty popular feature during quarantine is Cooking w/ Sou, essentially a live stream where Sou (aka Victor) cooks a whole three-course meal while talking to and instructing his followers

his subscribers notice that he doesn’t really need editing to look clean during cooking because his technique is IMMACULATE

by the end, he’s made a themed dinner for two...which always raises a question mark

is Sou single? does he have a roommate? a girlfriend? a kid? WHAT?

after getting your explicit permission, Victor addresses the situation in one of his recent Q&As

“Why do I always make dinner for two? I have a fiancée, she edits my videos in her spare time. She works as a producer. *you wave your hand over the lens* Dummy.” he breezes over it like it’s no big deal even though he’s a tad nervous about exposing something personal like this

his fans blow up the internet, baffled but not entirely surprised that someone like Sou isn’t a bachelor

of course, some leave hate under the video honestly, people who do this to celebs who start dating are HORRIBLE

most subscribers are super supportive of your relationship and thank you for the editing that makes Souvenir such a well put-together channel...also did he seriously call his fiancée a dummy? such a tsundere!

sometimes, you’ll (well, your hands...we’re keeping a bit of privacy here) even be in the end shot of videos, munching away at the carefully plated food

one day, Sou will be making a video titled Wedding Cake.

Lucien

Lucien’s channel LucidLight is a tad bit all over the place

he’s a man of many talents, and his channel reflects just that

i’m not saying it’s a disorganized channel, because the theme is very much there - the uniform theme in Luci’s content is a cozy background, a cup of tea and a soothing thumbnail

i mean that content-wise, his subscribers don’t really know what they’re going to get next...he has a slightly similar style to the YouTuber simon plant 

his content varies from interesting science theories to poetry reading sessions to ASMR to painting/sketching to cooking and much, much more

he has an heavenly soothing, smooth voice. it’s his trademark since Lucien doesn’t show his face on camera. ever. 

doesn’t have a TON of subs, because his channel is a bit of a niche thing, but I’d say he has 1,2 million subscribers and 400k followers on his added ‘business’ Instagram

he holds a lot of live streams on Instagram/YouTube (i know Moments exists in the game, but that’s more like a Facebook or Twitter kind of app...) and is always shown with just his torso and neck in frame. the lives usually include some poetry reading and generally just having a nice, relaxing chat with his followers. they can last up to 5 hours at once, and YOU know it’s because he doesn’t need sleep like a normal human being, but his fans are still asking questions about his timezone

his subscribers are strangely fascinated by his mysterious, gentle nature and also incredibly obsessed with his large, elegant hands

his ASMR videos are often roleplays of Librarian Lucien or Professor Lucien explaining to people why their rest is important

other times, they include soft affirmations, positive whispers, finger fluttering, hair touching and maybe kissing sounds...

Lucien paints a lot too, although he works primarily with ink and pencil sketches. you’ll find a watercolour or oil painting somewhere, but they’re not his most prominent media

his art videos are usually silent, although he might say something once in a while. there’s always some type of solo instrumental music playing in the background.

he does educational videos about biology and universe theories, but will also have reading sessions about scientific books

not intentionally secretive about your relationship, but he’s not one to mention it either

the first time you appeared on screen was when he was doing another live stream. he’s in his office talking about a play, when you come padding in to bid him goodnight.

“Yes, indeed. Laura’s glass menagerie, as the play suggests, is a symbol of fragility. Laura herself is very frail, but her favourite—”

“Good night, darling.” your soft voice rings through the room. viewers see Lucien’s torso turning a little bit, a hand on his shoulder and a curtain hair appearing from the top of the screen. his hand moves, presumably to cup the person’s cheek, before a soft kiss is heard through the mic. “Sleep tight, my love,” he murmurs.

“Ah. Laura’s favourite glass figurine is the unicorn, which...”

people are in uproar, but Lucien is a strong-willed man who refuses to explicitly announce the nature of his relationship.

his subscribers stop asking after a while, because it really isn’t any of their business, and they now know Lucien’s a taken man

you kind of appear on live streams accidentally a couple more times, but nothing’s really changed about Lucien’s content

the only thing he WILL say, and this is purely to give you credit, is “Ah. The background instrumentals in my art videos are played live. Yes, my lover’s very talented.”

you guys are the mysterious, talented, soft-voiced power couple of YouTube

Gavin

Gavin’s channel probably starts as a joint channel with you, something like Rachel and Jun

it’s relatively obvious from the start that Gavin from Birds&Cops is in a relationship, since you guys have a vlogging-style channel

your channel is filled with gym vlogs, travel vlogs to other countries and a lot of self-defence and sport at home videos. 

you guys also post a lot of funny vlogs talking about your day, going on fun dates, of course food vlogs in restaurants, all that stuff...

you often sit down and talk about your life, and maybe you’ll even do a mukbang during it for someone so fit, Gavin does eat a lot of food. 

Gavin’s channel didn’t blow up right away, because vlogging channels aren’t exactly unique, and he looks like the typical ‘straight boy with a girlfriend’

but he started gaining followers after people noticed how cute and blushy he acts, and how incredibly respectful and caring he is towards you

one of the most popular videos is Boyfriend Does My Makeup and it’s adorable. Gavin’s handling your face with so much care, and comments like “I know what this is, I’ve watched you do it many times.” or “Babe, does it hurt? Should I be more gentle? I’m sorry...my hands are rough.” make everyone SWOON

toxic masculinity left the chat. Gavin loves taking care of you in any way, whether it’s getting pads, chocolate and hot packs during your period or braiding your hair

in those yoga/celebrity fitness routine challenges, subs get to see Gavin in a tight singlet and sweatpants/shorts, and it’s HOLY

you’re very much aware of the attention Gavin receives from female fans, and how lucky you are to have found such a sweet partner

Gavin will usually see this type of comment while scrolling and will turn to you and go “Babe, you know I’m the lucky one here, right?”

anyways, a feature that you do to show fans the extent of Gavin’s sweet personality is Pranking My Boyfriend, where you set up the camera for a harmless prank like pretending to have a nightmare (similar to channels like Farina Jo)

that particular video was so fun to shoot, because it ended up with Gavin softly singing a lullaby to calm you down in his arms

“Baby, wake up. I’m here, you’re safe.” Gavin knows how to deal with panicking people, but he hates this prank afterwards because ‘he didn’t like seeing you in pain’

fans squealed. Birds&Cops gained like 50k subs through that video. the channel’s currently at 999k subscribers

overall, it’s just a really lovely, family-friendly channel

Kiro

Kiro knows his way around the web, alright?

not even just as Key, but he’s had a YouTube channel since the age of 15

his channel, CtrlAltChips is a hit with many people of many, many ages

he streams gaming sessions on Twitch and posts them on his YouTube channel afterwards

other content includes (primarily) covers & original songs, simple talking videos, thrifting & fashion videos, mukbangs and candid dance videos in a studio

think of chloe moriondo, doddleoddle, Victor the Drum Destroyer and Cat Strat

alternatively, for the ARMYs here, think of Jeon Jungkook as a YouTuber

Kiro has about 18 million subscribers, which is A LOT, but he’s been on YouTube for 7 years and he’s made a name for himself as a super likeable and bubbly guy with an angelic voice and killer moves

you’d think he’s just a cute boy when he sings acoustic covers, but his dance moves suggest that he’s not THAT cute

also how does he stay so fit with all those snack mukbangs?

he has a segment named In Our Kloset where he talks about social issues (because our boy uses his platform for good) around the world while customizing (not just pins. we’re talking patches, sewing, painting, embroidery) thrifted clothing to his liking. at the end he holds a little fashion show with his new outfits

after a while, you’ll see many of his outfits in giveaways or on sale for charity. Kiro tries to give back to his fans as much as he can, and how better than by sharing a piece of his unique clothing with them?

a great singer and performer. has held actual concerts before and has an actual music career (author-nim leaves it up to you readers to decide whether this is his idol career or some other musical project)

keeps his private life PRIVATE. he knows how the internet works, and he knows there’s no way he can keep your relationship a secret forever, but he’s not about to expose it to the world because of that reason

keeps tabs on information or rumours regarding you and makes them vanish

he’s simultaneously the most open and the most secretive out of the four boys. his fans know his favourite colour, what type of underwear he wears (trunks. Kiro wears trunks.), his birthday,...

but they know nothing about his past, his location, his close social circle or his family (teeechnically he’s an orphan but ig we’re talking about his mentor here. the blood of the covenant blah blah blah...y’know?). Kiro protects his loved ones fiercely

for someone who’s kept so secret, you’re actually really involved in Kiro’s virtual persona. you’re usually behind the camera during his In Our Kloset videos and are in charge of extra research regarding topics so he doesn’t spread any misinformation 

you also give pointers during filming (of course, these bits are edited out) because Kiro tends to trail off and get distracted when sewing

another way you’re involved is setting up the food during mukbangs. you have a great sense of aesthetics, so all of his videos in general will go through you.

while you like being low-key in Kiro’s life, you don’t want him to feel like he has to protect you from all the hate. 

he doesn’t particularly love keeping you a secret either, and it makes him feel guilty because he doesn’t want you to think he’s ashamed of you. he could never be.

you guys give it a good chat over how you’re going to announce it, and he just ends up making a video titled Miss Chips where the two of you sit down and talk to the camera

“Hello my little chips! Uhm, as you can see, there’s someone sitting next to me today. Maybe you already guessed from the title, but this is...my girlfriend, Miss Chips,” cue the cute jazz hands in your direction, “We’ve been dating for a long, loooong time, right, Miss Chips?”

“I just wanted to share this with you guys, since it felt wrong to keep such an important person in my life private. I hope you’re all kind to her, because I love her dearly, even to the point of giving up my snacks...so it’s serious.”

it really is that serious, hm?

Hope you enjoyed reading! 

[cinderelliee]

My final character opinions before Chain of Iron...

Just finished my reread of Chain of Gold ahead of Tuesday’s release!!! I am posting my thoughts/opinions of the main cast so that after Chain of Iron I can see how or if my feelings change. Spoilers: most of my opinions are going to be that I don’t know enough about them lmao. I love the big cast of characters, but that unfortunately also means less time is spent on each one.

Disclaimer: I know that I love some characters that people hate and vice versa. My intention is not to start anything, but more to be more open about what I think about the characters. It’s okay to disagree and just because I say I don’t like a character, it does not mean I believe they are badly written...

Alastair Carstairs:

One of my favorites of the series, and possibly TSC as a whole (let’s see how the series goes first). I love him so much and I can’t wait to see how his story goes. I love that he keeps everyone at arms length and pushes everyone away, but he would also go to any length for the people he loves. I think he has a gift of being able to see people as they are, and notice things others don’t. Probably why he was the one, not Cordelia, who saw what was wrong with his father and kept it from his sister. I’m sure he used to look up to his father like Cordelia did, but instead suffered great disappointment when he learned the truth. And then when he went to the academy, finally having some time away from it, all he found was more disappointment. He did what he thought he had to to survive. And I think along the way he sort of lost himself.

I do think Alastair should make amends with the Merry Theives, but less for their sake and more for his own. I think his journey is more about finding and forgiving himself. There are other ways to live and survive than hurting anyone who gets too close to you. I think he started that journey in Chain of Gold when he dyed his hair back to black and broke up with Charles. But fixing yourself is easier said than done, it’s not one choice, but something that you strive for everyday. His journey actually reminds me a lot of Matthew’s; they have a lot in common and I think their paths will parallel each other’s. I also think Thomas will be a catalyst for Alastair’s growth, as well as a helping hand.

I can’t wait to see his dynamic with the characters this next book as he tries to return to his true self. It’ll be interesting to see how his relationship with Elias plays out too.

Anna Lightwood:

I really like Anna so far. I think she’s very unique and exciting. I love how dedicated she is to being true to herself, but at the same time cares deeply about her loved ones and shows it. Often times I feel like characters like her often act like they’re above showing affection towards their family, so I was pleasantly surprised when she wasn’t. This is probably because her parents love and support her, so she never had to scorn familial love.

Romantic love is a different thing. Now, my two pieces about her life style is: why don’t we all just have a good time. I know there’s some people who didn’t like that she called her many partners ‘conquests’ and that she had a little black book. But I didn’t really see that criticism until recently and I’m confused as to what people thought Anna was doing? Would they rather her not keep track and forget them all? It’s perfectly healthy to explore your sexuality as long as you aren’t harming yourself or others. I know Anna is seen as older, but she is still only 19 (I think? 20 at most right?). She’s still on her journey to figuring out who she is. She is a bit self-centered and definitely privileged (see her relationship with Ariadne), but if she didn’t have flaws there would be nowhere for her to grow from. I highly doubt Anna will be living her seductress lifestyle by the end of the series

Personally, I cannot wait to see how her relationship with Ariadne plays out. Hopefully Anna will have some healthy confrontation with how she reacted to her heartbreak and why. Anyway, Anna is definitely one of my favorites.

Ariadne Bridgestock:

She seems like an interesting character, and I like how she’s not afraid to go after what she wants. I’d like to know a little more about her past and motivations. I also think she’s in a really difficult situation with her family and who she is/wants to be. I think she made a really understandable choice when she engaged Charles, and I support her journey in winning Anna back (I don’t not agree with the people who judged her for not backing off from Anna. She is fighting for who she loves and we are all fools in love). I think she has a lot of potential, but I can’t quite say that I like her yet since she’s probably the character we know the least about.

Charles Fairchild:

No opinion. I don’t love or hate him. No feelings whatsoever. The only thing I care about is the possible drama he will cause for Alastair and Thomas or the Clave as a whole lmao

Christopher Lightwood:

This boy is great! I have no complaints about him at all. He is precious. Honestly I’d just like to see more from him! His lines always make me chuckle. Also I’m not convinced that he would be able to create a antidote before the Silent Brothers would’ve been able to. But whatever, it’s just a story so who cares.

Cordelia Carstairs:

I just think she’s really neat. She is a fantastic protagonist and definitely on her way to becoming my favorite TSC lead, other than Tessa, obviously. I love her strength, kindness, relentless resilience, and how headstrong she is. I think it’s hilarious how straightforward she is. There’s so many scenes where she just says exactly what she’s thinking and just surprises everyone around her because they underestimated her or never expected her to so forcefully share her opinions. I adore her relationships with everyone. Her and Lucie are adorable. Her relationship with Alastair is so sweet and watching them rebuild their relationship was one of my favorite parts of the book, and definitely something I’m looking forward to. Matthew and Cordelia’s relationship is one of my favorites from the book; I love how they challenge and surprise each other (I think they could learn a lot from each other). Her interactions with the Merry Theives in general are perfect.

One thing I will say is there just wasn’t enough of her. I was very surprised when I read it that James and her were basically co-protagonists. I didn’t expect James to have such a prominent role, usually the split between the girl and boy lead is 60/40 at most, but this felt more like a 50/50 split. I just would’ve prefered more from Cordelia I guess, but that’s just me.

Grace Blackthorn:

So at first I was neutral towards Grace. I didn’t care about her at all, but after I came online and saw how many people hated her and acted like her was a villain, I started liking her more. She obviously is a victim of her mother’s manipulation and she doesn’t want to do what she’s doing to James. It’s clear to me that she is doing what she can to survive and to help her brother, the only person she truly cares about. Since she is also one of the few characters that it’s unclear where her story is going to end up, I am curious to see how her story goes.

I know there’s some people who just wanted her to be a villain, and I totally get that. But I feel like if she was, we would get a less complex character. Cassie’s villains, with the exception of Jonathan perhaps, tend to be one dimensional (which is fine because that’s not the reason I read her books anyways!). I also don’t really think she needs much of a redemption arc because she’s just trying to survive.

James Herondale:

This is where I’m going to get a little unpopular. I don’t love James, BUT I don’t hate him either. I am just not interested in where his story goes at all. I think I get what Cassie’s goal was with his character. He doesn’t have Will and Jace’s dark past and he’s not a morally grey bad boy like Julian. James is caring and sweet and noble and has a good family and I can totally see why people like him. For me, he still fills the same exact role that I’ve seen, not just from Cassie, but other YA books as well, and I’m just tired of it. His motivations are doing whatever he can to protect his loved ones and doing things because they are the right thing to do. He is willing to lay down his life for the greater good. I just can’t see anything about him that feels new. The only times I’ve felt anything towards him is when Jem, Cordelia, or Matthew were making me feel something for him.

It could be because I don’t really care for Cassie’s plots and his arc is so heavily involved with all the Prince of Hell stuff. And the bracelet just pisses me off in a bad way. The solution to it is so simple that it just frustrates me, but does not intrigue me at all. I will say I like him better with the bracelet off so I’m hoping in stays off this next book so I can enjoy his POV a little more. I really want to like him, but I just don’t connect with him at all. I wish Cassie had come up with something other than the bracelet as well.

Jesse Blackthorn:

Imma be honest: at the moment I don’t really care about Jesse either. I don’t know enough about him. But it seems like we’re gonna get more from him this next book so I’m reserving my judgement until then. In Chain of Gold I noticed most of his scenes were pretty expository or he was passing along information, but we never really got to know much about him. Hopefully I will like him in Chain of Iron though!

Lucie Herondale:

I really like Lucie so far! My favorite part about her is that she is so practical, but also able to loose herself in whimsical fantasies. She is totally 100% Tessa and Will’s child!! I don’t have much to say other than I love what I’ve gotten from her so far, but I just need a little bit more to connect with her. I’m hoping Chain of Iron really explores her darker side and her motivations. I kinda have a feeling this next book will either make or break my opinion of her.

Matthew Fairchild:

Anyone who has been following me for a while now could probably guess that Matthew is my favorite from TLH. I don’t know what it says about me, but I relate to him on a personal level. Although I haven’t made the same mistakes he has, (thank heavens for that!) I do know how he feels. I do know what it’s like to have something happen, that’s completely your fault, and have it change your life into something completely different than you thought it would be. I have made a lot of posts about him so if you want more in depth details, they are on my blog.

I’m just going to say that, very similar to Alastair, I think that Matthew has a lot of amends to make, to everyone in his life. And his journey is what I look forward to the most. He’s made a lot of mistakes, huge ones, and I know it’ll probably get worse before it gets better. But I hope his story isn’t going to be as sad as everyone believes, (I don’t think it will be, since a vast majority of Cassie’s characters eventually get happen endings) it just means a lot to me that his character doesn’t end up a tragedy. Like I said before his relationship with Cordelia is something I am really looking forward to. And his relationship with his family as well.

I love him your honor. *if I loved him less I may have been able to talk about him more*

Thomas Lightwood:

I really like Thomas!!! I favorite thing about him is that he can so easily see the beautiful and worth in everyone and everything (which makes him perfect for Alastair!). I love how gentle and kind he is. So far what I have seen from him has been so great. And how he was able to carrying on despite his sister’s death and then Christopher’s illness was really admirable. But I’m going to say for him as I’ve said for most: I want to see more from him!!! I have faith that his and Alastair’s relationship with be the best part of the book, so I have high hopes!

Okay!!! I think that’s everyone!! Let me know what you think?? Do you agree or disagree! I would love to get into some discussions with people to pass the time until the release!! If anyone wants to make their own post, please tag me!! I’d love to see!!! Do you think I have enough ‘!!!!!!!!!’?

[papermoonloveslucy]

IS SHE A NATIONAL HABIT? and OTHER PRESS

December 19, 1965

On Sunday, December 19, 1965, the TV Tab supplement to the Rochester (NY) Democrat and Chronicle, published an article by UPI’s Vernon Scott about the staying power of Lucille Ball. 

The article is reprinted verbatim below, with direct quotes from Lucille Ball in bold and italics. 

By VERNON SCOTT, HOLLYWOOD (UPI) 

"Institution" is an unflattering term for beautiful redhead, but it fits Lucille Ball who, after 14 years in television, is still among the top 10 in the ratings. 

Mention "Lucy" in the civilized world, and people everywhere know who you're talking about.

Lucy's unprecedented longevity as a television comedienne is all the more remarkable in that she began as a starlet in "Roman Scandals" with Eddie Cantor back in 1933. 

Remarkable because she alone among her contemporaries is still a major star. The life span of starlets is usually five years. If a girl can act, she may survive for 15 years. But once a starlet's measurements have been exploited and her youthful beauty fades she dissolves into the scenery on the back lot. 

But Lucy? She's been going strong for 32 years. 

Her figure is terrific. Better than most of this season's sex kittens. On screen she appears a youthful 35. In person her features are animated, her blue eyes brimming with mischief and intelligence. 

What's more, Lucy has survived on the strength of her own comic genius. When she and Desi parted it was predicted Lucy couldn't carry on alone. Wrong. The same was said when Vivian Vance departed last season. Wrong. 

"The Lucy Show" title says it all. She stands alone. 

Asked how she managed to go on and on, Lucy said: "My personal life may have something to do with it. I've almost always enjoyed good health. I take care of myself. I don't drink. I'm happily married, and I don't let work interfere with being a good wife and mother.” 

Is she, indeed, an institution? "I never thought it unflattering to be an institution. The idea appeals to me. I credit the steadfastness of my viewers for my longevity on television. I've become a national habit.” 

"And children love my show, too. I think people began tuning in to the old 'I Love Lucy' show because Desi and I were married on-screen and off. It was different. We had strong audience identification with other married couples.” 

"Later when Vivian and I carried on as a couple of women trying to raise kids without a man around, we still had a great deal of identification with a large segment of the population.” 

"We also knew what not to do. We kept away from vulgarity, distasteful subjects and unwholesomeness." 

Lucy still failed to touch on the element that makes her such a popular favorite. She doesn't really know. Perhaps no one does. 

I think it is that she is the only comedienne who combines humor sometimes outlandish clowning with beauty, sex appeal and, most Importantly, femininity. Even with her hair frowzed, her face dirty and clothes in tatters she looks like a female should look. 

The TV Tab also provided listings, including one for a Monday, December 20, 1965 repeat of “The Lucy Show” episode “Lucy in the Music World” (TLS S4;E3) first aired on September 27, 1965. 

Meanwhile, in Iowa’s The Courier on December 19, 1965, TV critic Ken Murphy wrote about Milton Berle and Lucille Ball, the king and queen of TV comedy. 

Murphy is talking about “Lucy Saves Milton Berle” (TLS S4;E13) first aired on December 6, 1965. 

In Long Beach (CA) the Evening News and Independent-Press-Telegram Tele Vues took a look at Lucy’s partner in crime, Gale Gordon with this article from Bert Resnik’s column Bert’s Eye View: 

IF SANTA CAN FIND it in his heart to forgive the on-screen, blowhard shouting of Gale Gordon, television's meanest man could have the following in his Christmas stocking: A drill-press, a shaper-planer and a band-saw. 

Gale, who currently is flipping his lid as blustering banker Theodore J. Mooney on CBS-TV's Monday "The Lucy Show," is a do-it -yourselfer magna cum laude. 

He does it himself on a 100-acre ranch in the San Ysidro Mountains near Borrego Springs. 

It is doing that utilizes a 37-horsepower, 4-wheel, lightweight tractor that Santa, in the guise of his wife of 28 years, Virginia, gave to him a previous Christmas. 

It is more than just a tractor to Gale. 

"It is therapy for me," he said. 

In addition to the therapeutic tractor, the hoped-for drill press, planer and handsaw, Gale has a cement-mixer (an anniversary present) and numerous tools. 

"I can work all day long mixing cement and to me this is the same as going to the opera for some people. It's completely relaxing."

THERE IS NO therapy for Gale in bombastically blowing his top onscreen. He's not knocking it, mind you. Just don't get the idea that it's the best way to prevent ulcers - not that Gale has one. 

He enjoys the flip-wigging for two reasons: It gets laughs and it brings money.

Both have been coming quite persistently since, as Mayor La Trivia in the "Fibber McGee and Molly" era, he hollered his first roof down. 

On television he's blustered as the meany school principal in "Our Miss Brooks," was Uncle Paul in the "Pete and Gladys" series and served a stint as Mr. Wilson for "Dennis the Menace." 

It is blustering, incidentally, that highly challenges Gale's acting abilities. 

For off-screen, he's the opposite kind of man. 

"People who exhibit temper are very disagreeable," he said. "I don't like to be disagreeable.” 

"By nature, I'm a very placid person. Very little disturbs me." 

In his 43-year-career, Gale learned by observing more temperamental show-business personalities that: "Temper is such a waste of time." 

It is a career that has been marked by an appearance in the 1928 silent movie, "Temptress," with Greta Garbo.” 

"She's the most ethereal and beautiful creature I've ever seen in my life," he said. "Her ability is in the tremendous appeal she has for the audience." 

It is a career that included a radio role as, leading man in "The Mary Pickford Show” in the 1930s. "She was very charming, very considerate." 

Eve Arden, the title star of "Our Miss Brooks," has "no equal" in her style of sophisticated comedy. Miss Arden, Gale and other members of that television series' cast "were a family." 

It is Lucille Ball, however, with whom Gale finds it most stimulating to work. "I admire her above all women her ability, her knowledge of theater and for a very keen sense -- an instinct, actually -- of what will p!ay funny to an audience.” 

"I'd rather be a supporting player for Lucy than be a starring player myself under any of the most favorable conditions.”

The Honolulu (HI) Star-Bulletin printed this brief mention on December 19, 1965, regarding children of celebrities going into show business. 

While across the Pacific, in The San Francisco (CA) Examiner, columnist John J. Miller reported on Lucille Ball’s day in tax court. 

[46ten]

AH: marriage and military service should not mix

The summary of this post: A lot of historians have noted how important AH’s marriage to EH was to his future, a true before and after marker in his life. But the strangeness of it has gotten less attention - AH married while the war was going on, and even wrote of not hanging around the army at all in order to setup for his life with his new wife. Once one sees the oddity of that, a lot of other things fall into place in his 1780/81 letters.  

For the past few years, I’ve wanted to work more on the theory that although marriage was generally expected of the 18th century Anglo-American colonial man (see prior posts here and here), the elite in AH’s circle did not marry until their military obligations and other duties were complete. From their examples and a few phrases here and there, getting married seemed to have been frowned upon, perhaps because of the uncomfortable examples of general’s wives and this idea that romantic love with a woman was a weakness that interfered with duty and hindered one’s commitment to military glory. (I am familiar with the challenges faced by Martha Washington, Catharine Greene, and Lucy Knox; Philip Schuyler refused a return to military assignment and presidency of the Continental Congress after the death of a newborn, among other things, in 1778). AH is an exception among his circle, with Meade, in getting married during the war itself - nearly everyone else who is unmarried waits until after their military service is complete (and sometimes well after) to marry. Not enough is made of the oddity of his courtship and marriage, within his circle, while the war is ongoing.

Now to modern thought, the title of this post makes a lot of sense - relationships are often strained when one partner is in military service, and the hows and whys are very familiar to us. But for the 18th century, when adult manhood was tied to matrimony, avoiding matrimony seems odd, as does the length of some of the courtships of AH’s friends: two years for William Jackson, about the same for Tilghman, four years of flirtation for McHenry. At a time when engagements lasted a matter of weeks (and AH notes that his own is unusually long - it’s lasting “an age” in one of his letters to ES), the delay in taking the next step is notable. Even in the prior generation, although Philip Schuyler was sexually intimate with Catharine Van Rensselaer, he continued his military service and did not marry her until it became unavoidable by decency standards (CVR was 4 months pregnant). 

So what’s with AH and ES wanting to get married in such a hurry, comparatively, besides the obvious emotional ones? Maybe he really was 26-27 years old and time was running out! Another obvious possibility, noted then and noted by biographers since, was the benefits of their marriage on a personal and political dynastic level. @aswithasunbeam has noted a contemporary article (sourced from Mitchell) about what Philip Schuyler had to gain through the new attachment between himself and Washington’s aide-de-camp. (And look how quickly P. Schuyler had AH working to get GW to visit them.) The advantages for AH were obvious to, as the Marquis de Fleury stated outright to AH: “ I congratulate you heartyly on that conquest; for many Reasons: the first that you will get all that familly’s interest, & that a man of your abilities wants a Little influence to do good to his country. The second that you, will be in a very easy situation, & happin’s is not to be found without a Large estate.”

I also suspect part of AH’s decision to hurriedly marry was tied to getting a command and spending the rest of his time studying the law.* I agree with most biographers that he never takes the steps of leaving Washington’s family and asking for (Nov 1780) and then demanding (June 1781) a command without being Philip Schuyler’s son-in-law. (I also think the break with GW doesn’t happen without AH feeling VERY confident in his relationship with his new wife. EH should have been a better patriot - as in other times - and seemed less happy in her marriage, or at least not let AH read her letter to her sister.) I think that’s what Laurens knew while on parole in Phil. and causes the minor flurry of letters in late August/September 1780, when P. Schuyler was briefly at HQ and then sending lots of letters about Congress to GW, AH was going on about his planned six month leave, McHenry was writing a love poem about AH and ES and trying to get AH to get P. Schuyler’s help in getting him a command, etc . AH and ES likely intended to marry in October/early November, but both Meade and Harrison took leave instead, and AH had to stay, though he would leave in late November before their return (in fact, Harrison and Meade never returned.)

Take Laurens (left wife and daughter he’d never see in England) and Lafayette (absent from France from March 1777 to Feb 1779 and March 1780 to early 1782). Both of them left wife and child(ren) behind, and here AH was planning a long absence from military service and telling his fiancee that he’ll leave it entirely if that’s her wish. AND Meade is discussing doing exactly that! [So Laurens presumably wrote to AH - we don’t have that letter - that he hopes AH will get over this quickly, and AH wrote back that he won’t, but I’m getting ahead of myself.]

I offered to make a comparison of AH’s letters to Laurens vs Elizabeth Schuyler - while revealing of personal feelings, in content and expression they are more different than they are similar - but I think I first need to set up that major transition that’s occurring in AH’s life in 1780/81. To the extent Laurens may have objected to AH’s excitement about ES and their impending nuptials (and there’s only one phrase in one letter, and that from AH to Laurens, from which it can be interpreted that those were Laurens’ feelings), and AH felt embarrassed about conveying the news of his engagement, it was because it interfered with a (believed to be mutual) sense of military obligation and public duty and dismissal of marriage and its attendant obligations. I touch on it in a response here; I’ll try to elaborate on it in upcoming posts. [I will get into why this makes the most sense, and why claims of AH trying to spare any romantic feelings JL may have felt, quite frankly, do not make sense in a later post. Spoiler: AH wrote absurdly callous stuff re ES and his relationship with her in his letters to JL if he was hoping to spare JL’s feelings.]

I already put some of my thoughts on this in old posts that may have some helpful content and may spare me having to repeat myself too much, and then I’ll also provide some quotes from letters to get started, limited to 1777-1782 and then probably the most famous quote from 1799. 

Hamilton on marriage part 1 (overview)

Hamilton on marriage part 2 (feelings on marriage 1777-early 1780)

Hamilton-Schuyler engagement (early 1780-mid 1780)

Hamilton on marriage part 3 (my breakdown of the July-Oct 1780 letters to ES)

Hamilton on marriage part 4

Reynolds Pamphlet, part 2

And a post (not my own) about how much AH’s military involvement as Inspector General was affecting his family financially. 

Letter quotes [my emphases]: 

You and I, as well as our neighbours, are deeply interested to pray for victory, and its necessary attendant peace; as, among other good effects, they would remove those obstacles, which now lie in the way of that most delectable thing, called matrimony;—a state, which, with a kind of magnetic force, attracts every breast to it, in which sensibility has a place, in spite of the resistance it encounters in the dull admonitions of prudence, which is so prudish and perverse a dame, as to be at perpetual variance with it. AH to Catharine “Kitty” Livingston 11Apr1777

Do I want a wife? No—I have plagues enough without desiring to add to the number that greatest of all; and if I were silly enough to do it, I should take care how I employ a proxy. AH to John Laurens 1779 [likely from mid-April up to July - this letter is actually undated, and the April date is based on other mentions in the letter; both JCH and Lodge dated it December 1779]

The most determined adversaries of Hymen can find in [ES] no pretext for their hostility, and there are several of my friends, philosophers who railed at love as a weakness, men of the world who laughed at it as a phantasie, whom she has presumptuously and daringly compelled to acknowlege its power and surrender at discretion. I can the better assert the truth of this, as I am myself of the number. She has had the address to overset all the wise resolutions I had been framing for more than four years past, and from a rational sort of being and a professed contemner of Cupid has in a trice metamorphosed me into the veriest inamorato you perhaps ever saw. AH to Margarita Schuyler, Feb1780

I would add to this by way of consolation, or rather of countinance, that the family since your departure have given hourly proofs of a growing weakness. Example I verily believe is infectious. For such a predominancy is beauty establishing over their hearts, that should things continue to wear as sweet an aspect as they are now beheld in, I shall be the only person left, of the whole household, to support the dignity of human nature. But in good earnest, God bless both you, and your weakness, and preserve me your sincere friend James McHenry to AH, 18March1780 [this was during the time of AH’s courtship of ES]

Here we are my love in a house of great hospitality—in a country of plenty—a buxom girl under the same roof—pleasing ⟨expect⟩ations of a successful campaign—and every thing to make a soldier happy, who is not in love and absent from his mistress. ... Assure yourself my love that you are seldom a moment absent from my mind, that I think of you constantly and talk of you frequently, I am never happier than when I can engage Meade in some solitary walk to join me in reciprocating the praises of his widow and my betsey. AH to ES, 6July1780  

I hope for a decisive campaign. No one will desire it more than me; for a military life is now grown insupportable to me because it keeps me from all my soul holds dear. Adieu My love. Write to me often I entreat you, and do not suffer any part of my treasure, your sweet love, to be lost or stolen from me. AH to ES, 20Jul1780

Impatiently My Dearest have I been expecting the return of your father to bring me a letter from my charmer with the answers you have been good enough to promise me to the little questions asked in mine by him. ... Meade2 just comes in and interrupts me by sending his love to you. He tells you he has written a long letter to his widow asking her opinion of the propriety of quitting the service; and that if she does not disapprove it, he will certainly take his final leave after the campaign. You see what a fine opportunity she has to be enrolled in the catalogue of heroines, and I dare say she will set you an example of fortitude and patriotism. I know too you have so much of the Portia in you, that you will not be out done in this line by any of your sex, and that if you saw me inclined to quit the service of your country, you would dissuade me from it. I have promised you, you recollect, to conform to your wishes, and I persist in this intention. It remains with you to show whether you are a Roman or an American wife. AH to ES, Aug1780

But now my love to speak of the practicability of complying with both our wishes in this article—There is none, I am obliged to sacrifice my inclination to ⟨my public⟩ ch⟨aracter.⟩ Even though my presence shou⟨ld n⟩ot be essential here, yet my love I could not with decency or honor leave the army during the campaign. This is a military prejudice which while I am in a military station I must comply with. No person has been more severe than I have been in condemning other officers for deviating from it. I have admitted no excuse as sufficient, and I must not now evince to the army, that the moment my circumstances have changed, my maxims have changed also. This would be an inconsistency, and my Betsey would not have me guilty of an inconsistency. Besides this my Betsey, The General is peculiarly averse to the practice in question. If this campaign is to end my military services, ’tis an additional reason for a constant and punctual attendance, if it is not my leaving the army during the campaign would make it less proper to be away all the winter ’till late in the spring. In one case, my honor bids me stay, in the other my love. AH to ES, 31Aug1780

Pardon me my love for talking politics to you. What have we to do with any thing but love? Go the world as it will, in each others arms we cannot but be happy. ...I was once determined to let my existence and American liberty end together. My Betsey has given me a motive to outlive my pride, I had almost said my honor; but America must not be witness to my disgrace. AH to ES, 6Sept1780

I have told you, and I told you truly that I love you too much. You engross my thoughts too intirely to allow me to think of any thing else—you not only employ my mind all day; but you intrude upon my sleep. I meet you in every dream—and when I wake I cannot close my eyes again for ruminating on your sweetness. ‘Tis a pretty story indeed that I am to be thus monopolized, by a little nut-brown maid like you—and from a statesman and a soldier metamorphosed into a puny lover. I believe in my soul you are an inchantress; but I have tried in vain, if not to break, at least, to weaken the charm—you maintain your empire in spite of all my efforts—and after every new one, I make to withdraw myself from my allegiance my partial heart still returns and clings to you with increased attachment. To drop figure my lovely girl you become dearer to me every moment. I am more and more unhappy and impatient under the hard necessity that keeps me from you, and yet the prospect lengthens as I advance. AH to ES, 5Oct1780

I would not have you imagine Miss that I write to you so often either to gratify your wishes or to please your vanity; but merely to indulge myself and to comply with that restless propensity of my mind, which will not allow me to be happy when I am not doing something in which you are concerned. This may seem a very idle disposition in a philosopher and a soldier; but I can plead illustrious examples in my justification. Achilles had liked to have sacrificed Greece and his glory to his passion for a female captive; and Anthony lost the world for a woman. I am sorry the times are so changed as to oblige me to summon antiquity for my apology, but I confess, to the disgrace of the present age, that I have not been able to find many who are as far gone as myself in such laudable zeal for the fair sex. AH to ES, 13Oct1780

How often have I with Eloisa exclaimed against those forms which I now revere as calculated to knit our union together by new and stronger bands...Meade already begins to recant. I have received a letter from him on the Journey2 in which he tells me he finds he must return to the army. This will be a new proof to you that I cannot leave it, as we both so ardently desire. AH to ES, 27Oct1780

You possess a heart that can feel for me; you have a female too that you love. I was reduced at one period to entreat, threat, kiss, but all to no purpose; her fears were for my safety, mine for hers. You must imagine to make out the tragedy all that I am incapable for want of words to express. After placing her with at least Twenty other females & children at a safe distance I immediately returned, & joined the Baron about the time the Enemy left Richmond in order to render him all the aid I could being intimately acquainted with the Country for many miles in the vicinity of the Enemy & on their return down the river I left him to go in pursuit of a residence for a favorite Brother who was driven from his home & obliged to attend to his Wife & a family of little children. Was it not cruel my dear fellow that my matrimonial enjoyments should have been interrupted thus soon; not more than one month had passed when the damned invasion seperated us, & we have yet to meet again, for 60 miles divides us. You know I am a Philosoper my dr fd & prepared to meet much more serious disappointments. This gives me an opening to speak of my return to the army. I have been long wishing your advice in full on the occasion; you are acquainted with the arguments I have used in favor of my stay here. I have now but one to add to them, the experience of that happiness I ever expected to enjoy with the best of Women. She loves not less than your Betsy, & I fear could not bear a seperation. I have not however as yet thrown off the uniform, but I am inclined to believe that it must be the case. Meade to AH, 13Jan1781

I was cherishing the melancholy pleasure of thinking of the sweets I had left behind and was so long to be deprived of, when a servant from Head Quarters presented me with your letters. I feasted for some time on the sweet effusions of tenderness they contained, and my heart returned every sensation of yours. Alas my Betsey you have divested it of every other pretender and placed your image there as the sole proprietor. I struggle with an excess which I cannot but deem a weakness and endeavour to bring myself back to reason and duty. I remonstrate with my heart on the impropriety of suffering itself to be engrossed by an individual of the human race when so many millions ought to participate in its affections and in its cares. But it constantly presents you under such amiable forms as seem too well to justify its meditated desertion of the cause of country humanity, and of glory I would say, if there were not something in the sound insipid and ridiculous when compared with the sacrifices by which it is to be attained.

Indeed Betsey, I am intirely changed—changed for the worse I confess—lost to all the public and splendid passions and absorbed in you. Amiable woman! nature has given you a right to be esteemed to be cherished, to be beloved; but she has given you no right to monopolize a man, whom, to you I may say, she has endowed with qualities to be extensively useful to society. Yes my Betsey, I will encourage my reason to dispute your empire and restrain it within proper bounds, to restore me to myself and to the community. Assist me in this; reproach me for an unmanly surrender of that to love and teach me that your esteem will be the price of my acting well my part as a member of society. AH to EH, 13Jul1781

Don’t think me unkind for not talking of your making a journey to the Southward. It would put us to a thousand inconveniences and would in fact be of no avail; for while there I must be engrossed in my military duties. Heaven knows how much it costs me to make the sacrifice I do. It is too much to be torn away from the wife of my bosom from a woman I love to weakness, and who feels the same ardent passion for me. I relinquish a heaven in your arms; but let me have the happiness to reflect that they ever impatiently wait my return sacred to love and me. Give your Mama, your sisters and the whole family every assurance of the warmest affection on my part. Indeed I love them all.

Yrs. with unalterable tenderness and fidelity AH to EH,  25Aug1781

Early in November, as I promised you, we shall certainly meet. Cheer yourself with this idea, and with the assurance of never more being separated. Every day confirms me in the intention of renouncing public life, and devoting myself wholly to you. AH to EH, 6Sept1781

My heart disposed to gayety is at once melted into tenderness. The idea of a smiling infant in my Betseys arms calls up all the father in it. In imagination I embrace the mother and embrace the child a thousand times. I can scarce refrain from shedding tears of joy. But I must not indulge these sensations; they are unfit for the boisterous scenes of war and whenever they intrude themselves make me but half a soldier. AH to EH, 12Oct1781

You cannot imagine how entirely domestic I am growing. I lose all taste for the pursuits of ambition, I sigh for nothing but the company of my wife and my baby. The ties of duty alone or imagined duty keep me from renouncing public life altogether. It is however probable I may not be any longer actively engaged in it.

I have explained to you the difficulties which I met with in obtaining a command last campaign. I thought it incompatible with the delicacy due to myself to make any application this campaign. I have expressed this Sentiment in a letter to the General and retaining my rank only, have relinquished the emoluments of my commission, declaring myself notwithstanding ready at all times to obey the calls of the Public.4 I do not expect to hear any of these unless the State of our Affairs, should change for the worse and lest by any unforeseen accident that should happen, I choose to keep myself in a situation again to contribute my aid. This prevents a total resignation.

You were right in supposing I neglected to prepare what I promised you at Philadelphia. The truth is, I was in such a hurry to get home that I could think of nothing else. AH to Meade, March 1782 (from a JCH transcription)

You were right, My dear General, in saying that a Soldier should have no Other wife than the service...William North to AH, 12Nov1799

AND just for amusement:

I thank you My Dear Sir for the military figures you have sent me. Tactics you know are literally or figuratively of very comprehensive signification. As people grow old they decline in some arts though they may improve in others. I will try to get Mrs. Hamilton to accompany in games of Tactics new to her. Perhaps she may get a taste for them & become better reconciled to my connection with the Trade-Militant. AH to McHenry, 21June1799

__________________________________________

*I broke this down in a prior post too, but I’ll repeat it here again: I think the clearest statement of his plan left to us is from the draft of the letter he sent to Philip Schuyler explaining why he wants to break with GW (18Feb1781): 

As I cannot think of quitting the army during the war, I have a project of re-entering into the artillery, by taking Lieutenant-Colonel Forrest’s10 place, who is⟩ desirous of retiring on half pay. I have not however made up my mind upon this , Start insertion,head, End,, as I should be obliged to come in the youngest Lt Col instead of the eldest, which I , Start deletion,should, End, , Start insertion,ought to, End, have been by natural succession had I remained in the corps; and , Start insertion,at the same time, End, to resume studies relative to the profession which, to avoid inferiority, must be laborious.

If a handsome command for the campaign in the , Start insertion,light, End, infantry should offer itself, I shall ballance between this and the artillery. My situation ⟨in the latter⟩ would be more , Start deletion,substantial, End, , Start insertion,solid, End, ⟨and permanent;⟩ but as I hope ⟨the war will not last long enough to make it progressive, this consideration has the less force. A command for the campaign would leave me the winter to prosecute studies relative to my future career in life. With⟩ respect to the former, I have been materially the worse for going into his family.11

I have written to you on this subject with all the freedom and confidence to which you have a right and with an assurance of the interest you take in , Start deletion,what, End, , Start insertion,all that, End, concerns me.

This letter implies 1) he had a plan post-military; 2) he had discussed with PS what that plan was, and possibly that six month leave (that never happened because of illness and unavailability) was tied to undertaking some of those studies to be a lawyer, to put himself in better shape to support a family. Being able to do so was important to AH - Philip Hamilton was born Jan 1782, and Angelica would not be born until Sept 1784.

[lovemesomesurveys]

1 - Are you one of those people who can watch TV shows and movies over and over again without getting bored? Yeah. Obviously I do that because I really enjoy it, but it’s also nice to do when you want to just put something on and chill because it doesn’t require me to pay much attention or think too much, ha.

2 - If you drink coffee, do you like it plain or would you rather have something like a latte or something flavoured? I drink my coffee with a flavored creamer or cream (Half and Half) and sugar. I like flavored lattes, mochas, and macchiatos as well.

3 - How did you used to dress ten years ago? Do you dress in a similar way now? Wow, when I was 21... I actually put effort into my style back then and cared about it. I liked to accessorize, too. Now I just live in leggings and oversized graphic tees, not caring about anything except being comfortable, ha.

4 - When you’re grocery shopping, do you buy known brands or are you happy to go with the generic store version?  >> It doesn’t matter except in the cases that it does. <<< Yep. There are certain things where it does make a difference.

5 - Do you have a close relationship with any of your cousins? Not anymore. :( I used to with a few of them. 

6 - Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? Does this person stay over often or was it more of a one-off? My aunt last year. She’s stayed over several times before. 

7 - Does bad weather put you off going out if you’ve got plans to do so? Have you ever cancelled plans due to the weather? When it’s miserably hot I have no desire to leave the house. Although, let’s be real, I never leave the house anymore regardless of the weather.

8 - When you’re on vacation, do you prefer doing the typical tourist things, or would you rather explore somewhere off the beaten track? I’m such a tourist haha. I admit it. I’d be interested in exploring other things, too, though. Whatever sounds interesting to me I’m down for.

9 - Did your family travel a lot when you were younger? Yeah.

10 - When was the last time you went shopping for clothes? Did you get anything decent or find any bargains? I bought a few things recently online during a sale.

11 - Is it true that accessories can make or break an outfit? Like I mentioned earlier, I used to really be into accessorizing, but I really don’t care anymore.

12 - What is your worst memory from high school? What about the best? High school had its ups and down throughout. Losing my close friends was definitely among the worst things. As for the best... my senior year was probably the best. I had a few good friends, one of which was someone I reconnected with after not talking since middle school.

13 - Is there any trait in a potential partner that would be a total deal breaker for you? If they were just really impatient and unreliable. 

14 - Do you insist people use coasters if they’re putting drinks down in your house? No.

15 - Have you ever been arrested? Were you guilty of whatever it is you were arrested for? I’ve never been arrested.

16 - Name five items on the shelf nearest to you: A black and white Lucy Ricardo from I Love Lucy Funko Pop, a BB8 popcorn collector’s bucket, a Princess Leia plushie, a Chewbacca stuffed animal, and an Alice in Wonderland globe. 

17 - After meals, do you wash dishes up right away, or do you leave them in the sink and do a whole days worth at once? I rinse my dishes off and place them in the sink. My mom or dad takes care of the rest.

18 - What websites do you find yourself spending the most time on? Tumblr and YouTube.

19 - Do you still download music and TV shows? Nope. I haven’t done that in several years.

20 - Does your phone have a good battery life? How long does it last before you need to charge it again? Not anymore. It’s been acting up for the past few months now because it wants me to upgrade to a new phone. My iPhone XR is considered old now. 

21 - When was the last time you hit snooze? Yesterday.

22 - Did you ever play The Sims? Which expansion pack was your favourite, if you had any? I love The Sims, I’ve played since the first one came out. There’s too many expansion packs to choose from throughout the games.  23 - Are there any popular film series or TV shows that you just don’t get the appeal of? Yeah. Like, I never got into Friends or The Office.

24 - As a child, did you receive pocket money or an allowance? How much did you get? Was it dependent on you doing chores of some kind? Yeah. I received it for doing chores and for each report card cause they were good grades. The amount varied.

25 - Do you think your parents did a good job of raising you? Would you do anything differently with your own kids? Yes, I have awesome, loving, nurturing, supportive parents. I don’t blame them at all for the mess I became. I’m not having kids.

26 - If something is bothering you, do you have to fix it right away? Uhhh it depends? A lot of things aren’t that simple.

27 - Are there any household jobs you enjoy doing? If so, what’s the reason that you enjoy those things? No.

28 - Do you still live in the area you grew up in? Would you like to live somewhere else one day? Where would you go? I do still live in the area I grew up in and yes I would like to move somewhere else. My family and I haven’t wanted to for a long time, we just haven’t been able to as of yet. Hopefully in the near future.

29 - Do you smoke, drink or do drugs? How old were you the first time you tried those things?  Do you want to quit? I don’t anymore, but I’ve drank and smoked weed when I was in my early 20s. 

30 - What’s one thing that really grosses you out? Is it something you have to deal with anyway? How do you cope? These past 10 days on this disgusting antibiotic have been absolutely horribleeeee. I’m finally done, though!

[jovialyouthmusic]

Girl’s Night Out

A multiple AU piece of fun featuring my female LIs

Elizabeth finds out more about the three women she has just met, and is scandalised.

Word Count 1519

A/N No Warnings...

1 Discoveries

‘I think Lucy should start’ Sophia said ‘She was Les’s first work – she’s our writer. The three of us are based on characters from one story’ she explained’ Lucy took a deep breath.

‘Well, keeping it simple, my story involves two men. I met them both at the same time, and I had a hard decision to make. I married the King of Cordonia, but I was also in love with his best friend, who was a commoner’ Elizabeth frowned

‘That’s the simple version?’ She queried. Lucy laughed, tossing her hair.

‘It was the premise of the story we’re all based on. You have the chance to choose between four love interests. Les found it hard to choose, so she wrote a story where she could have two of them. She made it so the King changed the laws of Cordonia to support marriages with more than two partners’ The prospective bride’s eyes grew wide.

‘You have two husbands?’ she asked, dumbfounded. Lucy smirked and nodded. Lizzy swallowed, leaving the details of that bombshell for later on ‘So it’s a story within a story’ she said thoughtfully.

‘Yes, that’s right’ said Charlotte. It’s called fan fiction. You could take that novel over there and change it however you wanted – make the villain into the hero, set it in a different country’

‘Oh, how intriguing’ the young woman said ‘Please tell me more’ She looked sideways at Lucy, sitting languidly in contrast to Charlotte’s regal posture.

‘Well that’s about it for me’ said Lucy ‘I married both of them – King Brad and Drake, and we live happily ever after’

‘You go on adventures then? You travel perhaps?’ Elizabeth asked ‘It’s what I’d do’ Charlotte stifled a laugh and Lucy smiled wryly.

‘Not exactly. Most of the story takes place in the bedroom – or the bathroom, or the hot tub…’ she had a dreamy expression on her face, and Elizabeth suddenly realised what she meant.

‘Oh!’ she said ‘I’m not sure that is proper’ Sophia patted her hand.

‘It’s just the way we’re written’ she assured her ‘You said you’re about to marry your Captain – and the story’s set in regency Scotland. Does that mean you’re a v…’ she cleared her throat ‘You’ve not been intimate with your sweetheart?’ Elizabeth blushed to the roots of her hair.

‘We’ve kissed’ she said softly ‘Every time he touches me it makes me feel warm - and tingly’

‘Oh sweetie’ Sophia said ‘You are going to have such a good time, Les will write a wedding night you’ll never forget’ Lucy laughed.

‘We’re lucky, Les is usually gentle with her characters. Some go through all sorts of stuff, and some are – well, let’s just say some authors write unhappy endings’

‘Oh how dreadful’ said Elizabeth ‘John’s first wife died in childbirth. I wonder if our writer put that to paper’

‘She’s not much for sad stories’ Sophia assured her. ‘Anyway, Charlotte can tell her story next’

‘Please do’ Elizabeth said ‘and call me Lizzy’ Charlotte smiled and absent mindedly smoothed out her skirt.

‘Well, my story is different again. I was sole heir to the Cordonian throne, and the character who was King in Lucy’s story was a bartender in Edinburgh’ Lizzy smiled in recognition ‘and Drake was my childhood friend. I had to choose between many worthy suitors for someone to rule by my side’

‘Oh how exciting! Let me guess – you chose the bartender and made him King?’ said Lizzy brightly. Charlotte smiled

‘No, I chose Drake, Lizzy’ she said ‘But it wasn’t easy. To cut a long story short, yes I married him and there has been a little drama since, but we are very happy together’ Lizzy turned to Sophia.

‘So what tale do you have to tell?’ she asked ‘Are you a princess?’ Sophia laughed and shook her head

‘No, I’m just an ordinary person – no title, just Sophia Turner.’

‘And you married a prince?’ she asked tentatively.

‘Wrong again. I fell in love with the head of security – another Captain - who looks after King Liam of Cordonia’

‘Oh’ frowned Lizzy ‘Is he very handsome?’

‘Oh yes’ Sophia said dreamily ‘He’s perfect…’ she cleared her throat ‘Well actually he has his moments. He’s a neat freak and he likes his routines…’

‘Freak is the word’ muttered Lucy, and Charlotte reached out to tap her knee disapprovingly

‘But you love him all the same?’ Lizzy went on heedless.

‘Very much.’ Sophia smiled ‘Which brings us to you’

‘Oh? What lies in store for me?’

‘Oh, I don’t know that – but my fiancé is a descendent of yours, so I suppose you are his great great – I don’t know how many greats – grandmother.’ Lizzy looked at her, wide eyed.

‘Oh – pray tell me what is his name?’

‘Bastein Lykel’ she smiled fondly

‘Oh how exciting! My beau is John Lykel. Tomorrow I will be Mrs Elizabeth Lykel.’ Her blissful smile changed to a frown ‘Though the word ‘tomorrow’ loses its meaning a little. Is time passing for him right now? Does he understand things as you do? How long until I see him again?’

‘I suppose you could say we are all in limbo’ Sophia said ‘Waiting for Les to write more or for someone to read our story’

‘I miss John’ Lizzy said sadly ‘I hope I can see him soon’

‘Well, I suppose we could call Les and ask her’ Sophia mused ‘She said she’d be busy for a bit. There’s something odd going on in her world – she said people were getting sick and she had some things to do – then she’d be free to write more to help keep folk’s spirits up.’

‘We could have a hen party’ piped up Lucy

‘A what?’ asked Lizzy

‘A hen party’ she repeated ‘A batchelorette party – you know, all girls together to celebrate the bride getting married. We could really let our hair down’

‘Let our…?’ Lizzy was puzzled, but by now the other two were catching on to the idea

‘Oh yes’ said Charlotte ‘We could have a Ball’

‘Now come on Lottie, you know what a hen party is’ said Lucy ‘What’s more, you had yours in Edinburgh. I think I’m the only one here who hasn’t been there’ Sophia waved her hands

‘Pipe down you two. I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we share ideas and have an extended party? We could do something each of us would enjoy’

‘I vote for strippers’ Lucy cried out ‘I could get my men to perform for us’ She waggled her eyebrows in a way Lizzy was not sure she liked.

‘Strippers?’ her head was spinning with all the unfamiliar terms.

‘Careful – Lizzy here won’t have seen a man naked’ Sophia warned ‘Ooohh - we could have a pyjama party!’ She spread her palms down in front of her and blew her breath out slowly, closing her eyes. ‘Okay, calm…’ she said, and everyone fell silent. After a while she opened her eyes again.

‘Right’ she said ‘Lizzy, what do you expect from a party? No expense spared, all four of us are the guests, you can invite anyone else you like – but bear in mind it’s strictly girls only.’

‘Could we not invite our beaus for a little dancing?’ she pleaded ‘I would have the front parlour decked out and my friend playing piano for us’

‘Sounds boring’ chipped in Lucy, stifling a yawn ‘This is your last night as a single woman, you should really push the boat out. Think big, darling!’

‘Boat? What boat?’ Lizzy was puzzled yet again. She put her hand to her forehead and rubbed it. Lucy sighed, and Sophia frowned at her. Charlotte cleared her throat

‘Well this isn’t getting us anywhere’ she said, picking at a piece of lint on the couch. She looked up sharply ‘We should go to the bar where it all started – for me’ She closed her eyes, and the room started to look fuzzy.

‘No not yet!’ Sophia said sharply, and Charlotte opened her eyes again. Lizzy blinked and breathed a sigh of relief as a wave of dizziness receded. ‘We need to dress up before we go out on the town, and we need to prepare Lizzy’ Sophia scolded. She turned to Elizabeth.

‘Sweetheart, we are going to show you what us girls in the twenty first century do for fun. I’ve taken a sneaky peek at your story - and you are seriously repressed. In a couple of hundred years, women are going to live much more liberated lives. You won’t be treated like property, you’ll be able to make your own decisions, you can work for a living, even vote.’ Elizabeth gasped.

‘I don’t believe you!’ she cried ‘This is all a dream.’ She started to weep. ‘I want John’ she sobbed ‘I just want to marry my Captain.’ Sophia made soothing noises and put her arm around her shoulders

‘You will darling, you will. I’m sorry I upset you. I really want you to enjoy yourself. Trust me, dry your eyes and I promise we’ll look after you. You’ll have a ball’

[changarroo]

Take the Dive -  Bang Chan AU

❖ summary: you always dreamt of going to the Olympics ever since you watched the swimming event when you were 4. From then you trained to be the best swimmer that you can become. Four months before the biggest meet go your life a tragic event happen. Will you be able to continue doing the thing you love most or will you have to give up?  

❖ a/n: *plays insomnia like Chan cause it’s how he starts his livestreams* hello everyone, so if you roam on our blog you will find a Hyungin AU titled Sink or Swim. So now in this story takes place in the same universe as that one. ENJOY!

❖ word count: 12.1k

❖ genre: angst, fluff swim au.

❖ pairing: reader x bang chan

❖ warning: the reader does get into a major car accident so if you are not comfortable with that topic read with caution. also, there is cursing.

You were at the top of your game when it comes to swimming.

Not only were you on the right track for the Olympics but you were also one of the strongest swimmers on your team.

Coach said if you get your cut time from the 400 free, you would be a shoe in for the national team.

Getting onto the national team has been your dream ever since your first Olympics. Seeing all of the swimmers in the pool reminded you of mermaids. By the age of 4 your parents signed you up for your first swim class and since then you have always been swimming.

“Y/N, you are looking really sharp today,” your coach said he looked up from his clipped board.

“Sharp enough to make the national team?” jokingly you said as you hopped out of the pool.

“Oh don’t forget we have a quick team meeting about the national trials”.

“I’ll be there Coach, don’t worry,” you said collecting your stuff and headed towards the locker rooms.

You quickly dried off and walked onto the bleachers set your stuff down and patiently waited for the meeting.

“Y/N, your backstroke look amazing today you totally cut about five seconds from your time,” your friend Y/F/N said sitting down next to you.

“Thanks, Y/F/N  your butterfly is getting stronger did you check your time?”.

“Yeah, I just cut like 2.5 seconds but hey it’s still something right,” they said chuckling as they went in for a hug.

You and Y/F/N  have been best friends ever since you were seven. Since then they have been your ride or die. Dominating the pool with your powerful freestyle and her graceful but strong butterfly. The dynamic duo of the team. The two of you were practically tied at the hip.

But don’t get underestimate the rest of your team, they were all supported by each other. Which made you love coming to the pool every day.

“Y/N,” you heard someone with a soft Aussie accent said from behind you.

“Chan,” turning around facing Chan who looked like he just hopped out of the pool and quickly walked over.

“Do you have any idea what this meeting is about?” he asked moving down on a step and sitting next to you.

“No idea Chan but if you listen maybe you would find out”.

Now Chan was the only person on the team that you would consider frenemies. The two of you never hated each other, it’s more like the two of you always been the top two swimmers on the team and it causes a formed of friendly competition.

“Okay everyone,” your coach said walking up to all of you “As you know we have the national trials in four months. These next few months will be some of the hardest training of your life and after this meet, your life may or may not change. To get into competition spirit we will be hosting a house meet”.

Everyone started to cheer as the idea of a house meet swimming in your own pool and having the home advantage.

“Don’t think of this meet as another one of your meets, think of this as your final trial before the official trial. The meet will be next week so get some rest and I’ll see you at practice tomorrow,” he said lifting up his clipboard dismissing the team.

Soon you collected your items and started heading towards the door.

Turning to walk off you bumped into the ever so friend Chan.

“We need to stop doing this Y/N,” he said showing off his dimples with that addicting smile.

“You bumped into me Chan,” you held onto your swim bag.

Looking around you were trying to find your younger sister who also was a swimmer but on a different team as you.

Watching you swim gave her inspiration to start swimming. But the one difference between the two of you was that you swam cause it felt like your whole world, she swam cause she having fun. As much as you wished she had the same drive as you, it was understandable that she just wanted to have fun.

“Y/N, are you ready to go?” Lucy your little sister asked looking up from her phone.

“Yeah come on, Mom and Dad are expecting us at home.  All I know is that we are hosting a dinner for his co-partner I have no idea,” you said swing your arm around your sister before heading out towards your car.

Once you were home Lucy hurry up towards her room to get ready for dinner as you made your way towards the kitchen.

“Hey mom what are you cooking today,” you asked jumping onto your kitchen counter.

“Risotto with your famous salad so get chopping,” your mother said handing you the salad tongs.

Hopping down and shaking your head you started to make what your mother considers your “famous salad”.

Once finished you headed upstairs to get ready. You peeped into your sister room and saw that she was already finished.

“Ah Y/N  don’t do that you nearly scared me I nearly messed up on my eyeliner”.

“Eyeliner, lipstick oh me or my. Looks likes my little sister isn’t so little anymore,” walking up and setting your head onto her shoulder.

“Hey just because I’m 13 doesn’t mean I can’t look nice for tonight,” she said putting on a pair of stud earrings that match yours.

“Just don’t grow up too fast. Your still my little sister”.

After Lucy gave you a hug in returned you started to get ready for the dinner that your family is hosting. Walking into your room you headed straight towards the closet pulling out anything presentable to wear tonight.

Pulling out your favorite little black dress you sat down at your vanity and began your makeup and hair.

A moment later you heard your sister from downstairs saying that the company was here. You looked out from your window to see a family of 4 steps out of the car. They had two kids who one of them looked to be Lucy age so that’s good. Looks like you will be at the adult table. From afar you could have sworn that father seems very familiar.

Finishing up you the final touches and headed downstairs.

Once you reached the bottom you were faced you a familiar face.

“Y/N?” looking up you your face to face with one Chan.

“Chan what are you doing here?”, you asked with a look of shock on your face.

“I’m guessing the same reason why you're here for dinner”.

“Yes Chan but instead I live here,” you said finally reaching the bottom step.

“Ah yes and Coach Bang you know our daughter Y/N from the pool,” your father said putting his hands on your shoulder.

“Yes Y/N, looking sharp these past couples of days,” Coach Bang said having his hand out for a high-five.

Smiled in return and gave a high-five back.

“Dinner is ready,” your mother said walking out of the kitchen into the hallway.

“I better go help my mother set the table, excuse me,” as you dismissed yourself into the dining room.

“What’s Chan and his family doing here?” your sister asked your mother when she enters the kitchen.

“Your father and Chris’s mother are working on a project for the company, so your father thought it was a good idea for us to host a formal dinner to discuss plans,” she said handing you the plates.

“Do you know what type of they are planning?” Lucy asked picking up the drinks for everyone.

“No idea, but all I need you two to focus on is tonight dinner,” your mother said kissing the both of you on the forehand before entering the dining room.

“What do you think about tonight?” Lucy whispers into your ear.

“I have no idea but smiley faces Lucy,” you said linking your arms together and walking into the dining room.

Throughout dinner, it was very awkward between you and Chan. Once the adults dismissed the children from dinner you took the liberty to head upstairs.

Quickly you undressed and throw on a pair of shorts and an oversized tee and got ready for bed until you heard a knock on your door. Opening it you were faced again by one Bang Chan.

“Your mother said I was allowed to come up and hang with you and talk about trials since that’s coming up but I see that your heading to bed soon so I’ll just,” he said looking at your entire and turning around.

“Wait no,” you quickly grabbed his hand as something wanted you to let him stay. “You can stay and we can talk about trials, plus I have a secret pile of snacks”.

Opening the door wider to let him in he took a look around and saw all of your trophies, ribbons, medals, anything that you have won since you began swimming.

“Wow, swim is your whole life I see”.

“The Olympics is my dream, the only thing that gets me to wake up in the morning or actually live. Trials are a make or break moment and I plan to make it my moment”.

Chan chuckled and looked at your wall of pictures. And was in complete shocked when he saw one in particular.

“I can’t believe you have this one pinned up in your room,” Chan said looking at you.

You got up and walked over to see which picture he is looking at.

“Oh yeah, it was my well our first relay,” you said looking at him “we got first and I knew I wanted to keep swimming”.

“So I was the reason you kept swimming?”.

“No winner that relay gave me the inspiration to continue swimming you were just a minor character in this story,” you smiled at him.

As a reaction, Chan poked you in the side and you nearly fell onto the floor.

For the rest of the night, the two of you just hung out. Small conversation about trials that lead to funny inside jokes about the team.

Time passes and laughter filled your room.

Soon it was time to say goodbye and it was a bittersweet end to the night. For the first time in your life, you really missed being with Chan. There was something about him joking with you outside of the pool made your friendship feel real.

It was a couple days before your clubs house meet, everyone on your team was on edge as it was the final meet before trials.

If you’re wondering how your frenemies friendship with Chan is going, it's the same as before the dinner but with a few more hidden jokes added but not a lot to getting people talking.

“So are you ready for the meeting this weekend,” Y/F/N  asked as the two of you were lining up for block dives.

“I mean, of course, swimming is in our blood Y/F/N  nothing that can break us” you winked before getting up on the block and waiting for the buzzer to dive in.

As practice continued for the next days you kept watching Chan on the sidelines and how he interacted with his friends, it was different from how he was with you at the pool but you didn’t know what came over you.

It was the same routine up until the night before the meet, since it was the third Friday of the month that means your family would have dinner somewhere in your town. So Lucy and yourself drove over to the restaurant and met up with your parents and enjoyed yourself.

After dinner, you and your mother went to the supermarket to pick up some grocery for the following week as your father and Lucy took his car home.

“So are you excited for tomorrow?” your mother asked driving home from the grocery store.

“Yeah, actually you know with trials coming up soon I’m nervous. I know that I normally don’t get nervous before a meet but now I don’t know,” you dropped lower in your seat.

“Y/N sweetie don’t be you will be fine tomorrow,” she continuing to drive through a green light.

Out of nowhere, you saw a car coming towards you and your mother quickly honked her horn to indicate that she had the right away. But it was too late.

The car crashed into your side and you didn’t remember what happened next.

Soon you woke up in the hospital with your mother in the bed next to you and your father and Lucy standing by your bedside.

“Mom, Dad, Lucy,” you said with pain flowing throughout your body “what happened?”.

“You and your mother got into a car accident, lucky the other car was at fault and they are very sorry about the accident. Your mother didn’t get injuries but sadly for you,” your father started to tear up.

Lucy walked over to you and held your hand.

“The doctor said that you fracture your tibia,” Lucy said squeaking your hand.

“Okay it just a fracture right so how quick can I back to swim?” you asked with a nervous look on your face.

“Depending on the fracture it can take about three to six months to heel,” your mother said from her bed.

“No this can’t be happening, I have trials in four months, I should heal by then, right? Right?” you could feel the tear forming.

Hear that everything that you been training for was over in a snap seem like your whole world was crashing down.

“Can we please not talk about swim for the rest of the time here, please,” you begged with tears flowing down and your voice beginning to crack.

Both of your parents' nod and Lucy hopped in your bed and hugged you.

You stayed in the hospital for four more days as the doctors talked about your cast, physical therapy, and returning to swim. The doctor said that since you are an athlete that your body would mostly heal faster than normal. But returning into a fast pace sport like swim would take a bit longer.

Throughout your time in the hospital, most of your team members came to see how you were doing and to wish you a speedy recovery so that you can make it to trials.

Just the word trials made you go into a depression.

You just smiled it off knowing that they cared for you and wanted the best for you.

Finally, it was the day that you were being discharged from the hospital. The whole home you were dreading what the next couple months have in stored for you.

Walking up to your room was a struggle since you were going to be in a cast for eight weeks. And with a cast one means no direct contact with water for eight weeks.

Opening the door to your room and looking at your wall you just had an urge to take everything down at once. But you try to keep your hopes up you left it, hoped in bed and called it a night.

The next morning you were awakened by the sunlight peeking through your window, wanting to turn over to hide you remembered the light blue cast that was on your leg. You groaned and close your eyes again trying to think of the positive but yeah how could you when your lifelong dream seems to be slipping from your fingers.

You carefully rolled out of bed, got your crutches that was leaning on your wall and made your way to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Looking into the mirror you didn’t see a confident girl who knew what you wanted, you just saw a clueless girl lost in the world.

Tears started to roll down your eyes and you can’t control it.

You walked out with a red stuffy nose, you didn’t even bother trying to hide it. You wanted people to see how to hurt you were.

Approaching school you looked up around at everyone and how cheerful they are made you feel little and useless.

“Here like me help you,” you heard a familiar voice from behind.

You looked over to the side and saw a somewhat smiling Chan who looked really sorry about your accident.

“Its okay Chan I’m fine,” you said continuing to walk ahead of him.

He quickly walked and stopped in front of you setting both of his hands on your shoulders and looking into your eyes. He notices that your nose was a soft shade of pink and that you sounded a bit stuffy. Looking into your eyes again he saw tears forming as you tried your very best to hide them.

“Come on, let’s go clean you up,” he said helping to the near co-ed restroom.

He opened the door and you hopped in slowly. Chan set his bag on the door hooked and opened it to get a towel. Turning on the water he made sure it wasn’t too hot or cold for your face. He was facing you again and gave you his famous Bang Chan smile before patting your face clean.

“Why are you doing this Chan?” you asked as your voice was still breaking.

“Cause I don’t like to see my teammates like this, I know we have a weird friendship but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you,,, in a teammate type of way”.

“Then why didn’t you come to visit me in the hospital?” oh no cue the tears again.

Chan lowered the towel and then his head as he didn’t want to hear that question.

“I didn’t want to believe that your accident was true or this severe, I wanted to see you are school today with a bandage on your leg and not a fucking cast. I wanted to see you are trial with the team and me. And I wanted to see you on the national team with me,”.

Lost for words you didn’t know how to react, you just took the towel from him and continued to wipe your face.

“I have a bag of makeup in my locker for days that I get home late from swim and study all night,” you said looking down into the sink. “Can you go get it for me?” you lifted your head and look at him in the mirror.

He simply nodded his head and exited the restroom. A few moments locker you heard a knock at the door.

Opening it you saw Chan holding your makeup bag in one head and strawberry milk in the other.

A soft smile formed as you received both items from him. For the rest of the time, both of you just stood there in silence. You trying to cover the pink from your nose and Chan just waiting for you to finish.

Once finished he walked you to your homeroom and was off to class.

The rest of the day went by with people telling you that they are sorry about your accident and they are wishing you well.

Throughout every one, you couldn’t find Y/F/N  anywhere, plus she wasn’t picking up her phone.

“Hi sweetie how was school today?” your mother asked as you walked through the door.

“Besides the fact that I have a breakdown in the courtyard, it was pretty normal. A bunch of people came up to me and wish me a speedy recovery,” you said pulling out a chair from your kitchen table and carefully sitting down.

“It will get easier sweetie I promise,” she said kissing your forehead. “Do you want to come with me as I drop Lucy off at the pool?”.

“No, I think I’m going to stay home and study,” you said opening your bag and pulling out your notebook.

“Okay text me if you need anything,” you mother said standing in the entryway of the kitchen.

For the rest of the night, you just stayed in the kitchen not wanting to move nor want to talk to anyone.

You texts from friends trying to cheer you up but nothing was working.

For the rest of the night, it was the same routine, eat dinner with your family, gets ready for bed, lay down and stare at the ceiling trying not to cry.

Once you were at school the next day you were greeted with Bang Chan waiting to help you and was carrying strawberry milk in his hand.

“Chan,” you said walking up to him.

“Y/N,” he replied looking at you.

“I never got a chance to thank you yesterday for helping me,” you said looking down at the ground.

“Oh,” Chan looked down as well and rubbed to the back of his neck “your welcome if you need anything I’m always here for you Y/N”.

With a smile on your face, the two of you proceeded to walk into the school building and continue on with the rest of the day.

“Y/N come on we have to go to the doctors from your post week check up and then pick up your sister from swim practice,” you mother said from the bottom of the staircase.

“I’m right here mom, I’m okay for the doctor office but do I really have to come to the pool? I’m kinda not in the mood to go to the pool”.

“Oh come on Y/N I bet all of your teammates are missing you”.

“Fine I’ll go and say hi to everyone, it’s least I can do right?”.

“That’s my kid, now come on get your thing or we are going to be late,” your mother said picking up her keys and walking towards the door.

The ride to the doctor office was filled with great conversation that you always have with your mom. It was something that you have always loved and with treasure. From talking about life to the current k-drama on you felt like conversations with her will always be easy.

Once arriving at the doctor's office you sat patiently awaiting the nurse to come and get you. Looking around you saw some younger kids waiting as well. One girl caught your eyes as she was tightly hugging her teddy bear trying to hold back her tears. You saw the cast on her foot and knew that a broken foot at her age was painful.

When she looked up and saw you all you could do was smile ensuring that everything will be okay.

Soon the little girl went in and once again it was you, your mother, and your thoughts.

You closed your eyes and imagined yourself in the pool, racing against the clock and doing anything to being a medal home for your team. You could feel the water flowing through your hands and you brought them in and out of the water. The power of your kicks, and the force that you gave after your flip turn.

“Y/N,” the nurse said at the door “the doctor is ready for you.

A little bit more waiting and then the doctor finally walked in with your files.

“Ah Y/N,” he said closing the file and looking at you “there should be a smile on your face because we have some good news for you,” he said sitting down in the chair.

“The good news is that in about a week or two your cast should be coming off, does that also mean physical therapy. We want to track your progress and make sure you are one hundred percent ready to get back into the water”.

“And how long should it take until Y/N is back into the water?” your mother jumped in and asked.

“After the first few weeks of therapy we should know, I think we should have an appointment set up for Y/N in two weeks to have the cast-off,”.

“That’s great right?” you question the cast removal. “I mean it takes three to six months to heal and mines off at the nearly three-month mark, I can get back to swim soon? Right?”.

“Well it is a speedy recovery due to your age and your body healing fast due to you being an athlete, the bone is still in a fragile stage we need to retrain it to have the strength it once had,”.

“Okay,” you said with a little hope in your voice.

“Two weeks! How do you feel about that?” your mother asked holding the door for you.

“I’m actually really happy,”

“Y/N your extremely lucky some accidents are worst and some athletes don’t remind to their sport”.

“Yeah I guess I am,” you belted up and soon the two of you were on your way to the pool.

“You should go and say hi to your team, I bet all of them will be happy to see you,” you mom said pulling into a parking spot.

One deep breath in and one out before you walked back into the building.

You looked around and it felt like nothing had changed.

“Y/N! Your actually here!” a couple of the younger swimmer said as they ran up to you to give you a hug.

‘We heard about your accident and we are felt really bad about it.” one kid said looking down at the ground.

“But you got the card that our team made for you right?!”.

“Of course,” you said with a smile on your face “I missed my little Silvers,” you opened your arms for another hug and the team quickly hugged you again.

“Y/N”.

“Chan, hi,” you said walking over towards him.

“It’s nice to see you back at the pool,” he said pat drying his face.

“Yeah it feels really good to be back,”.

“So any word about your leg?” he said as he moved over towards the wall.

“Yeah actually, the doctor said that it’s healing fast and then in two weeks my cast should be coming off,” you walked over to where Chan was standing.

“That’s great news Y/N! How long will it be until your back into the water?”.

“Unknown, for now, they will find out after my first few sessions of PT”.

“I mean come on I know there injury was super minor compared to what it could've been but do you guy really think they will be mentally capable to return to our team?” you heard someone say from behind you.

“There is no way that Y/N will be joining us at the trials meet, they even said so themselves when I visited them in the hospital”.

Turning your head to see who were saying all those lies you were faced with Y/F/N.

“Did you really say that?” Chan asked whispering in your ear but by the look on your face, he could tell that you had no idea what Y/F/N was talking about.

“They’re lying Chan, I never saw them when I was in the hospital, I have no idea what they are talking about or why they would say that,” you cried out.

“Y/N, why would they?” but before he could finish his sentence he notice tears forming. “Hey don’t cry you're stronger than this Y/N,”.

“Why would they do that, I thought we were best friends,”.

“Clearly not,” Chan said under his breath pulling you closer to him for a hug.

“Y/N  hey why are you crying?” Lucy asked walking over to the two of you.

Chan quickly shook his head to indicate that it wasn’t the time to bring it up.

All Lucy could do what walk over and give you a hug and to be honest a hug from both Chan and Lucy really made you feel better.

“Hey, why don’t we get something like ice cream and I’ll drive you home afterward?” Chan asked wiping the tears from your face.

“That actually sounds really nice right now, thanks, Chan. Lucy can you tell mom I’m going out with Chan?”.

“No problem, have fun you two don’t stay out too late,” she said winking at the two of you.

As the two of you were walking out to Chan’s car, he helps you in any way that he can.

“Here you go,” Chan opened the door for you like the gentleman that he is.

“Thank,” your replied softly carefully getting into the car.

“So ice cream?” he asked bucketing himself up in the driver seat.

“Let’s go,”.

One carpool karaoke session later you finally arrive at your favorite ice cream parlor in your neighborhood.

“I’ll grab us a table, can you get me cookies and cream,” you walked over to a booth a and sat down.

Chan then arrives with a table number and two bottles of water.

“Thanks,”.

“No problem, do you need anything else? Or,”.

“Just a new friend now I guess,”.

“I’m your friend?”.

“I mean, are we? Like we don’t have the most normal friendship,”

“I guess that’s what I get for messing with you,”.

“Yeah, why do you mess with me anyways?” you asked opening your water bottle.

Chan sat across from you in silent unsure of what to say. You took notice and started to chuckle a bit.

“He why are you laughing at me?’ he asked throwing straw at you.

“Hey I can’t laugh Mr. Chan,” you had a shocked look on your face.

Soon the employees called out your number and as the gentlemen, he is he went up to and got them.

“One cookie and cream for the one and only Y/N, and one brownie fudge for me,”

“The kangaroo,” you interrupted him as he was setting the ice cream onto the table.

“Do I really remind you of a kangaroo?” he crossed his arms and pouted.

“When you do that yes,” grabbing the spoon and diggin’ into the desert.

Time had passed and you didn’t even realize, talking to Chan made conversations easier like he was someone that you could always go and talk to for advice. Having no idea why your guys' friendship was never like this.

“So when do you officially start physical therapy?” chan asked taking in a giant spoon of ice cream.

“I believe on Tuesday, I'm not one hundred percent sure,”.

“Can I come with you? You know for moral support?”.

“I guess you can, but don’t you have practice?”.

“Eh what’s one practice,” he picked up his spoon and ate his last bit of ice cream, not knowing that he got a bit on his face.

“You got a bit of ice cream on your face,” pointing to the spot.

“Oh hey, you got a bit of ice cream on your face,” chuckling at his dorky ways.

“Oh here or here,” he asked trying to get it off with his tongue.

“Stop moving and let me help!” you grabbed a napkin and whipped the ice cream off of his face.

It was located closely near his lip and you never really touch him like this before. Looking a this you felt something that you never felt before. From him helping you on your first day back after the accident, today at the pool, the night at your house just hanging out in your room. Why were you two never like this before?

“Umm there all gone,” you removed the rest of the ice cream and set the napkin into your empty bowl.

“Thank,” Chan shyly lowered his head and looked at his watch “Um it's getting kinda late we should probably get going,”. He slowly got out of the booth and had his hand out for you. With a smile on your face, you grabbed it and held it until you got into the car.

The ride was pretty quiet but there was an urge inside of you wanting to hold Chan’s hand again. You couldn’t explain the feeling but you just had a warm feeling whenever you were around him.

So you pull up your imaginary pants and slowly reached for Chan’s hand that was resting on the console. Brushing your figures on his arm sent shivers down your spine. But to your surprised when Chan intertwined his fingers with yours.

Your face slowly turned a soft shade of pink as you looked away and outside the word. Chan looked over and saw how cute you were. He was officially whipped.

Once you arrived at your house, Chan helped you out of the car and walked you up to your door.

“I had fun today Y/N, thanks for hanging out with me,”.

“Yeah, thanks for cheering me up after the whole Y/F/N thing,”.

“Hey Y/N,” Chan looked again are the ground placing his hands into his hoodie pocket “I know it’s not my place to say but Y/F/N has been saying horrible about you not returning to swim ever since your accident, I think that was one of the main reason I didn’t come visit you, like I said before I didn’t want you to be all cast up and  not  being able to swim for the past couple of months, I wanted you to prove them wrong, and I couldn’t see you in that much pain”.

Tears were forming in your eyes but you know it wasn’t the time to cry. All you did was lean forward and kiss Chan on the cheek before heading inside. You close the door and couldn’t believe what you just did and Chan couldn’t believe it either. Remember that you didn’t say goodbye you quickly opened the door but up say bye and closed it again.

Once inside your room, you fell onto your bed and hugged your pillow tightly with a huge smile on your face. Still in shocked of happening you have the moment replying in your head the rest of the night.

But then you began to start thinking about the words that y/f/n said behind your back and how they were talking you down to the entire time. You vowed to yourself that their words won’t bring you down and you will be completing at trials.

[y/n 22:23] Hey Chan,,, about PT, do you want to come with me? As moral support?

When the little text bubble popped up your heart to RACE. What was he going to say? You knew that you never got nervous at the pool but texting Chan you started the fidget.

[chan 22:25] Yeah I should be able to get out of practice. What time is it at?

[y/n 22:26] I believe it’s at 14:25 so we have to leave classes early. But if you can come that should be no issue, I’ll just say your my ride or something.

[chan 22:28] Hey don’t worry about it, I have a free period the last two periods so I leave normally at that time anyway.

[y/n 22:30] okay so I’ll see you tomorrow then.

Soon your phone began too rang and looking at the caller-id you said that it was the one and only Chan.

“You know texting is very common among people our age?” you said as you answer your phone.

“Yeah I’m aware, but I wanted to hear your voice and I can’t hear it if we are texting,”.

“But what is one of us falls asleep? It’s nearly almost 11 Chan,”.

“Then we shall go to sleep, but for right now how are you? Do you feel a bit better after today?.

“You mean do I feel better after my so-called best friend talked shit about me behind my back for the past how many months. Yeah, I feel JUST GREAT”.

“Oh so ice cream with me wasn’t the highlight of the day, or you giving me a kiss on the cheek?”.

Oh shit, did he really just say that you quickly pressed the mute button on your phone let out a scream, and proceeded to unmute yourself.

“I don’t know what you are talking about Chan, it was probably a spur of the moment type of thing,” you said trying to cover up the truth.

“Mmhm, whatever you say Y/N”.

The two of you continued to talk on the phone for the rest of the night until you slowly drifted to dreamland. Once Chan heard you talk in your sleep he thought it was cute, he said his goodnight and then hung up.

The next morning you were awake by a lovely text message from the one and only Chan.

[chan 6:45] Hey do you want me to pick you up for school? I’m at the pool right now so I’m sorta close by?

[y/n 6:53] yeah that would be nice, you do know if you're going to come my parents are going to make you stay for breakfast right?

[chan 6:56] that means more time I spend with you ;)

[you 6:58] hurry up and get here then.

You set your phone on your nightstand and began to get ready for school. Opening your closet you started to pull out an outfit that you felt would be somewhat appropriate for physical therapy but also really cute for yourself. Come on reader dress for yourself and not for chan smh.

Hearing the doorbell ring and Lucy running to open it, a smile grew on your face when you've heard her yell “CHAN” from downstairs. Just the energy that he brought into your life, how did you get so lucky.

“Hey Lucy, how are you this morning?” Chan walked into your house and took off his shoes.

“I’m fine, are you here for breakfast?” She asked as she grabs his hand and dragged him into the kitchen.

“Well Y/N told me if I come that your parents would make me stay. Is that true?”.

“Oh yeah, they always go all out for breakfast so they enjoy when we have company in the morning,” Lucy walked towards the fridge and took out milk and juice.

Walking downstairs you had butterflies in your stomach. Like freakin’ Bang Chan was in your house AGAIN, going to bring you to your doctor appointment, AND just being around him during your time out of the pool made you happier than ever.

“Good morning y/n,” your sister said as you walked into the breakfast area.

“Good morning Lucy,” you walked over to the fridge and grabbed your pre-made breakfast “Chan,” you turned around and looked at him with a smile on your face.

“Even when they’re not swimming Y/N always sticks with there swim diet,” Lucy said digging into the stack of pancakes on the table.

“That sound like Y/N,”.

Throwing a piece of toast at Chan you could tell that today was going to be a great day.

Once breakfast was over the three of you made your way out towards Chan’s car.

“Woah we're driving to school today in this?” Lucy said with a look of excitement on her face.

“Well if you act like this we will make you take the bus,” you said opening the car door and sitting down in the passenger seat.

“I’ll just sit here and be quiet,” Lucy leaned back in the seat. Chan looked at you and you looked at him before he turned on his car and drove everyone to school.

“Bye see you at home Y/N,” Lucky said getting out of the car and walking towards her friends.

Now it was just Chan and you, the atmosphere was very warm between to two of you but yet the two of you didn’t want to ruin this moment.

“Hey Y/N we should really be getting to class right now,” Chan looked down and should that your head was laying down on the armrest. “Are you nervous?” he asked moving the hair away from your face.

“What if I’m not going to be healed in time for trials?” you said trying to hold the tears back.

“Now why is negative thinking all of a sudden,” Chan slipped his fingers with yours and interlocked them.

“I don’t know, I’m just-”.

“Scared of the future?” Chan interrupted you.

Looking up to him you saw the same brown eyes that helped you the first day back to school, the same eyes that got you ice cream, and the same eyes that are comforting you right now.

“How did I get lucky to have you as a friend?”.

“Cause you are just a bundle of luck?”.

The two of you made your way into school and went your separate ways. Classes were boring like always but you made the most out of them. It was weird not having your crutches with you but this was a good sign, right? Your leg was getting stronger and soon you would be back in the water just like old times, well not exactly like old times.

“Come on we are going to be late for class,” you leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek before getting out of the car and walking into the school hallway.

The first couple of periods went by and you went along with your day nothing special happens.

When fourth period came along you dreaded the moment when y/f/n or now ex-friend y/f/n walked into the classroom along with the rest of their class.

When the two of you used to be friends you would of love seeing them and working with them on a school project but now you were asking yourself what your teacher had in mind and why was their class invite.

This day can’t get any better from here you thought yourself as you set your head down on your desk.

Once the bell rang you walked out as fast as possible trying to ignore y/f/n as much as possible.

“Wow what a shocked y/n can’t even talk to your best friend,” y/f/n said walking up to you and linking arms. “I haven’t seen you in a while how are you feeling?”.

You know that they were playing with your head but you didn’t let that get to you so you decided to play along.

“Busy with appointments trying to get better in time for trials, speaking of appointments I have one in an hour so I have to get going, it was nice seeing you again bye,” you said and then quickly headed off towards the office.

“Woah you are out of breath,” Chan said looking at you when you entered the office.

“I speed walked here to get away from y/f/n,”

“Speedwalk you say,” Chan looked over at your leg.

“It doesn’t hurt that much but still don’ think I’m ready for Olympic fast swimming,”.

“Well your physical therapy appointment should tell us today, and after what just happened I think you will be fine,”.

“Come on, let’s go,” you grab his hand and walked out of school.

“So the trials are next month, are you ready?” you asked setting your stuff in the back of his car and then making your way into the passenger seat.

“I mean I guess, I love swimming but I feel like I can do so much more with my life you know? Swimming isn’t forever, I want to do something with my life,” he said starting his car and backing out of the parking spot.

Those words stuck with you. What if you were going to swim ever again? You know that you shouldn’t think about that and only the positive but again the future was so unclear.

Chan quickly noticed how his words affect you and grab your hand, looked at you, and gave his signature Bang Chan smile.

“Come on, think happy thoughts talk okay? You will be in the water in no time,”.

And he was right about that. Once you got to your appointment your assigned physical therapist was really impressed with how far along your walk skill have been. Since you were an athlete they did expect you to recover fast but not this fast.

“Wow your body must be really eager to get back into training?” your physical therapist said looking at your leg.

You just laughed it off in hopes that they were right and that you would be able to start swimming soon.

“I think after a couple of therapy sessions you should be ready to hit the water again. It’s also nice that your boyfriend came along, it really shows how much he cares for you,” they said before leaving the station.

You're not going to lie, once your physical therapist said those words a quick pink blush grew on your face.

After that first session, Chan kept bring you.

He said that it was him trying to make up for all the lost time the two of you could have gotten if you started hanging out earlier.

Being with him now made you forget about all those silly disagreements that the two of you once had.

It made you wonder if he actually likes you or if he was just playing with your emotions.

By your sixth appointment with the PT, they came you the go-ahead to begin your training again. Once you heard that news a smile grew on your face.

“Mom, Dad,” you yelled walking into your house “I can begin swim training again, the PT thinks that the exposure to water now will be beneficial to my recovery?”.

Everyone was so excited for you and you couldn’t wait to go and tell Chan.

Once you got to your room you hoped on your bed and quickly dialed his number.

“Chan! Guess what I can begin training again!” you immediately said when you heard someone pick up the phone.

“Congratz y/n I’m so happy for you, not,”.

You recognized that voice in an instance. “Why do you have Chan’s phone y/f/n? You two aren’t friends?”.

“I mean you wouldn’t know cause you're not at swim anymore, but once you come back let's just say you will see how close Chan and I have gotten, you know without you in the picture,”.

“You are lying,” you said, your voice was breaking a bit due to your emotions get to you.

“Then how can you explain to me having his phone y/n? Just admit it you knew him and I were an item and then we were messing with you. Chan doesn’t care about you. He was just playing with your emotions”.

And with that, you ended the call and started to cry yourself to sleep.

You could feel your heart breaking into a million pieces. You didn’t think Chan was capable of doing something like this but again maybe you only knew the side of him that was just an act.

Where was the guy who helped you on the first day back to school, or went to go get ice cream with you?

For all, you knew anything that you and Chan probably had is now over.

The next day you did everything in your power to ignore Chan and y/f/n. You asked your parents to drive you to school earlier so you would miss Chan. And you also skipped fourth period to go to the nurse.

Having been in a car accident has its perks cause you can get out of class without any questions. Go leg.

You knew that you had to go back to practice today but you were highly dreading it.

For the first time, you actually didn’t want to go back to swim practice. But you didn’t go to practice for people. You went so that you can achieve your goal one day.

“Welcome back y/n,” your coach said to you as you walked up to the pool deck.

“Good to be back coach,” you set your gear down on the edge and hopped into the water.

“Well let’s start you back off easy and just have you work on your kicks for a couple of practices. We want to reintroduce your leg into the heavy training”.

“You got it,” and with that, you grabbed your kickboard and started your laps.

It was a fairly easy practice and you didn’t feel a lot of pain in your leg which was a good sign.

“Y/n, can we talk” you heard Chan asked from the lane next to you.

You rolled your eyes and just continued to look at the timer and soon you were off again kicking away from the wall and away from Chan.

Chan could feel his heart breaking a bit, he had no idea why you were ignoring him. He thought that everything was going great between the two of you. He guesses that he was wrong.

“Wow y/n I if you keep swimming like that you will definitely be ready for trials,” y/f/n said sarcastically from a couple of lines down.

You tried to shake it off but it was impossible.

Y/f/n got into your head.

Once practice was over you tried your hardest to ignore Chan and y/f/n again, but would you look at that it backfired in your face.

“Y/n please talk to me,” you felt someone grabbing onto you and by the sound of the voice you know it was Chan.

“Leave me alone Chan,” you tried to get your hand back so that you could go home but Chan held onto to it tighter.

“Not until you tell me what I did wrong?”.

Tears began to roll down your face and the sight of that made Chan’s heartbreak even more than before.

“You were with them yesterday that’s what happens,” you looked into his eyes and felt everything you two once had slip away.

“Y/n whatever they told you was not true, I wasn’t with them,” his voice started to break.

“Just give it a rest Christopher, they picked up YOUR phone how can you explain that? You know and to think that I was actually falling for you,” your hands slid right out of his as you walked away.

Once you entered your car that’s when the tears started to waterfall down your face.

“Hey, are you okay?” Lucy asked entering the car.

“I don’t want to talk about it Lucy, I just want to go home,” you buckle your seat buckled and turned on the car.

You wiped the remaining tears from your eyes and drove off to the house.

Many thoughts ran through your head about how Chan could even let something like that happen but not even just on the focus of Chan.., How could your own friend turn on you. You guys have done everything together

You park the car and your sister exits quickly. Your hand grabs the keys weakly and turn the car off slowly. You scream loudly and pound onto your steering wheel

“Stupid Fucking Chan. How could you” You place your head on the wheel and try to gather yourself

And at that moment Chan was there holding his book bag watching your fall apart piece by piece and he didn’t understand what led to this scene

He sighs and walks past throwing his hood on hiding from you as you exited the car and rushed inside

Days… weeks… and months have passed since you last spoke to Chan or Y/F/N or should I says, ex friend. Practices became easy to ignore them although Chan did try and do things to make you laugh and you just looked at him walking away. He sighs in defeat and y/f/n would try to come over and comfort him.

Not too long ago, Chan filed that his phone was missing and we had to check every bag. You stood back glaring at her already knowing but it wasn’t your place nor did you have the amount of energy to fight and argue about how she took Chan.

You just wanted to focus on the trials for the Olympic team and pray that you make it. Physical therapy has been a big help to you through this process. You attended twice a week and have become really good friends with your trainer Jinyoung. He was really sweet and kind to you and was wishing you all the luck for swimming.

To regain the time that you once had you started to stay late after practice and just swim for hours.

You were close but still so far from how fast you used to swim.

So here you were floating in an empty pool wondering if you are ever going to be the same swimming that you once was.

“I knew that I would find you here,” you swam over to the wall and looked up to see Chan standing right in front of you.

A part of you want to just swim off and get out at the other end but another part of you missed Chan.

“Listen, y/n I wasn’t there when you got that phone call. I have no idea what y/f/n said to you or how they even got my phone. All I know is that these past few weeks have been really hard for me,”.

Still looking away you felt your heart beating and it wasn’t due to how fast you were swimming.

“Please y/n you have to believe me, I really like you a lot. Hell I fucking love you,”.

Time stopped around the two of you. You looked up at Chan and you could tell how sorry he was. You didn’t want to forgive him but looking at how much pain he had been holding onto you knew what you had to.

“Chan stop saying things you don’t mean,” you duck back under and back your freestyle laps again.

And with that Chan took off his shirt and dive into the pool swimming after you.

Soon there you were stopped by him in the middle of the pool. You swan and held onto the lane line so you didn’t have to tread.

“I do mean it y/n can’t you tell. I really have no idea what y/f/n said to you or why you think there something going on. You can ask anyone guy on the team I only ever had eyes for you. You committed to not only swim but school, your family, not to mention your road to recovery. You are the strongest person I know, and that is only one of the many reasons why I love you,”.

It was hard to tell if you were crying or if pool water was just sliding down from your face.

Within seconds the both of you were only an inch apart and wow did your heartbeat start intensifying.

“Y/n do you love me?”.

“Love is a strong word, Chan,”.

“Y/n, do you at least like being around me?”.

The closer the two of you gotten the more you wanted to kiss him. He was just right there in front of you how could you not.

“I enjoy your company I guess, and the way that you care about me during my recovery. I enjoy our car rides and you sing at random moments,”.

Chan leaned in closer and touched his forehead on yours.

“I love you,” you let out softly looking down into the water before looking up at him.

He set his free arm on your cheek and closed the gap between the two of you.

You slowly returned the kiss and felt something you haven’t felt in a LONG TIME.

True happiness.

Throughout your whole injury and recovery Chan had been by your side showing you that there was light at the end of what you thought was a dark tunnel.

“Does that mean that I am forgiven?” Chan asked after the kiss.

“Maybe, but let’s stop talking for another minute okay, I wanna kiss you again,” you smiled at him and moved in closer locking your lips.

That night Chan drove you home and walked you to your front door. It reminded you of when you got ice cream with him.

But this time instead of a kiss in the cheek you laid another kiss on his soft lips.

“Goodnight Chan,” you ran your hand through his hair and moved it down to his cheek.

“Goodnight y/n,” he said returning with a smile.

That night you went to be so early and wanted to fall asleep cause you knew that the sooner you fell asleep the sooner you can see Chan again.

“You are up early,” Lucy said as you walked into the dining room “And you seem happier OMG WHAT HAPPEN YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!”.

“Chan and I kissed at the pool and yeah that’s it,”.

“NO, you are hiding MORE. OMG TELL ME!”.

“I love him Lucy and I know I should not be saying that soon but he makes me so happy,” you sat down at the breakfast table.

“So are you two things an item now?”

“Chill I don’t think we are rushing into labels of dating anytime soon,”.

“But you guys already said I love you, I mean you do want what you guys want to do I happy that Chan going to be around more, that means more breakfast before school with,”.

Rolling your eye you chucked and dug into your breakfast.

Exiting your house you were surprised to see a familiar blonde male waiting at his car for you.

“What are you doing here?” you ran up to him and gave him the biggest hug.

“I thought that we can go back to our daily car rides to school if you don’t mind,” he said looking down at you and placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Aww come on prince charming, I have an exam in second period and I want to get to school early so I can study,” you looked up to him and said.

“You’re going to pass anyway, can’t we just stay here for a bit?”.

“As much as I would love that you also have an exam cause we have the same teacher,” you reminded him.

“Fine,” Chan opened the car door from behind him and opened it for you.

Smiling and shaking your head you hopped into the car was off to school with Chan.

The day went smoothly and once it got to fourth period hit.

Of course, after everything that happens between y/f/n and you, of course, you never wanted to be in the same room with them ever again.

“Wow look what the cat dragged in, are you still heartbroken over Chan and me, I know it’s hard to move on but this is for your own good,” y/f/n walked up to you and set their hand on your shoulder.

“You know what y/f/n I have no idea what you have against me, belittling me, making me feel horrible during my recovery but I’m not going to take it anymore. We been friends since we were little but seeing what you are doing now, I have no idea why we are still friends,” you walked up to her. “And also Chan and I are fine thanks for asking and he would love to have his phone back since I'm guessing that you stole it from his bag at swim practice,”.

With a shocked look on their face, they were speechless.

“Let me clarify something for you y/f/n we are teammates, yes and that’s not going to change, but we aren’t friends,” you whisper into their ear.

And with that, you felt better about the whole situation that was happening.

After the period was over you once again was faced with a familiar face waiting for you.

“Chan,” a smile grew on your face.

“Come on we have to get to your appointment and practice, trials are this weekend.

From then your main focus was getting stronger and making times that will qualify you for the Olympic team.

Jinyoung cleared for from therapy saying that how your leg is looking up to be you should be able to quickly gain your times, maybe even better than before.

“Remember to come and visit when you become an Olympic medalist, show that there is hope for people,” Jinyoung said opening his arms for a hug.

You knew that he wasn’t a big hugger to so this was special to you.

“Thank you for believing in me and helping me on this journey. Of course, I’ll visit. With how much love and support that was given to me, it will be an honor to come back and spread love,” you said with a smile.

Laying down in your bed the morning of the trial you could tell that you were nervous.

It was weird cause you haven’t felt nerves like this in a LONG TIME.

You didn’t feel like eating and when you tried to eat you felt like throwing up right afterward.

“Are you feeling alright y/n?” your father asked looking back at you.

“Yeah, I think my nerves are just getting to me,”.

“Don’t worry whatever happens we are so proud of you,”.

“Thank you, that really means a lot,”.

So here you were at 5:30 in the morning on your way to the biggest meet of your life. Airpods in your ear toning out the world that surrounds you. Memories of car crash started to replay in your head and yeah they scared the living daylights out of you.

“Y/n hey,” Lucy tapped your arm “We are here, come one we have to get inside and be ready for warms ups at 6:15”.

Warm-ups went pretty smoothly and you have to admit you did miss the crazy everyone fit in 3 lanes and try to swim to the best of their abilities warm-ups.

After you headed back to where your parents were sitting and they happen to be with Chan’s family as well.

You proceeded to write down all your meet information on your arm and help Chan with his. Then just sat there and waited.

The national anthem began to play and after meant the beginning of the meet.

You only were competing in five events today: the 200m backstroke, 100m butterfly, 100 IM, 100m freestyle and the 500m freestyle.

While waiting you talked to your fellow teammates and tried to calm your nerves. I mean your first meet back after your injury and you were nervous as heck.

Chan noticed and quickly wrapped his arms around you.

It was calming and everything felt so right at the moment.

“Event 30 female 200m backstroke,” the announcer said.

You got up knowing that your event was going to be coming soon.

Chan got up with you and walked over to the blocks and waited with you. He was in the event before you so the two of you waited together.

“Okay my event is next,” Chan said taking off his team jacket and handing it to you.

“You’re going to get it, Chan, I just know you will,” you said holding his jacket tightly.

“You will to,” he leaned in and set a soft kiss on your cheek.

You watch Chan wait behind his land and getting ready for his event. You had high hopes that he will break into the final trial later today. He had to, Chan was one of the fastest swimmers on your teams.

The boys 100m back flew by so fast.

Next, it was your turn and waiting behind the dock was nerve-wracking. You tried to shake off your nerves but that somehow only made it worse.

It was your turn to hop into the water and position yourself for the start of the race. Feet on the edge of the wall and hands holding tightly to the bars that were in front of you.

You waited until the officials gave you the go to get on and waiting for the bell.

Soon as you heard it everyone including you were off. You felt yourself dive deep underwater and then raising towards to surface.

Once you have contact again with the open air you kicked as fast as you possibly can towards the other wall, but you didn’t care about the time that you were going to get, you only felt joy being back in the water and racing.

Seeing the flags about you, you started to countdown your stroke until you had to do your flip.

Normally at this time, it would give you a quick opportunity to see where your fellow competitors are.

You couldn’t see them so you thought due to your injury you were in last.

Kicked and kicked until your hand hit the wall.

Your first event post-injury and it felt amazing. You looked at your time and you were surprised to see that you were in the top three.

Once out of the pool you ran into the arms of Chan.

“Did you see that,” you said with a smile on your face.

“Yes! Y/n you have a chance to bump up into finals,” Chan replied smiling back at you.

“Y/n,” a swimmer from another team walked up to you “you did really well in that event, people seeing you swim for the first time won’t realize that you have been in an accident month back. I hope you get onto the team all your hard work getting back here is showing,” they said with a smile on their friend.

You were overjoyed, with excitement and nothing can ruin this moment for you.

“See y/n you are a shoe in for the team,” Chan intertwined his fingers with your and the two of you walked back to your team area.

As the meet continued your times were acceptable. It wasn’t the best like your old times but then again it wasn’t your worst.

Continuing the meet you cheered on for your fellow teammates and watched as they hit their time goals.

“Y/n! You broke! You're in the finals for backstroke,” Lucy ran up to you after she looked at the posting.

“Wait what?!” you have a look of shock on your face.

“It’s real! You're in the finals! You have a chance to make the Olympic team!” one of your sister friends said showing you a picture of the results.

“Oh my god,” you said looking at the phone. Chan looked as well and had a huge smile on his face.

“Don’t worry Chan also broke,” Lucy said.

“Well of course he did, the Bang Chan,” you jokingly said looking at him.

“Oh shush, I knew you would break,” he gave you a hug and a peck on the cheek.

Hearing the news make you excited but it also made you have a bit of fear.

“Wait that means I’m going to be going against some of the faster swimmers in the area,” you turned away and looked at Chan.

He could tell that you had fear in your eyes.

“Hey hey hey you got this and I’ll be here to cheer you on,” Chan cupped your face.

“Okay I got this I know I do, I’m y/n y/l/n nothing can stop me,”.

You turned around and looked at the final events seeing when your event will take place. Chan looked at you and saw the determination in your eyes. It was there when he remembered why he fell for you.

You put everything in swim but yet you went on and about living a normal life. Family oriented, focused on your school work and made sure you had time for your friends outside of swim.

Finally, it was time for finals and you were lucky enough to make it this fair.

Walking to the blocks, you were your literally shaking. Like you have never been so nervous before.

Lucy walked with you and held your hand the whole way there.

“You got this y/n your one of the best swimmers I know. No matter what the mom, dad are proud of you. And I’m lucky enough to have you as my sibling,” she said giving you a hug before your event.

You leaned in for one last hug before your heat.

“I’m so lucky to have you as a sister”.

Soon it was your turn to hop into the water for the 200-meter backstroke. You waiting for the boys to hop out of the water before you hop in.

You grabbed onto the handlebars loosely setting your feet on the wall.

“Swimmers take your mark,” the official on the sideline said.

You raised up took your last breath in and out before the meet. Your heart was beating at what felt like 145 bpm ummmm my heart rate after seeing MIROH live…. Whoops.

You heard the bell and off you went. Diving deep underwater and looking up at the sky you rose to the surface and began to do your strokes.

Since it was a 200-meter swim you didn’t sprint off of the wall but you did have fairly fast speed.

Flags above you and you started your countdown “four, five, six,” turn, flip, push.

Everything felt so right at that moment like you didn’t have to try so hard. You didn’t know why but you didn’t want to focus on making the team in that moment. You were just so proud of everything that you work on to get to this point.

And with the whole injury being a bump in the road well that is something else.

You did your final flipped turn and from there it was a sprint to the other side.

You could feel the burn in your legs and arms as you kicked and did your strokes as swam as fast as you could.

Once you hit the wall it was finished over.

The last swim before you find out if you made the team or not. You didn’t bother checking the time because you didn’t want to worry.

Hopping out of the water, you went straight to find Chan and give him a hug.

“Hey what is this for,” he asked wrapping his hands around you.

“I just wanted to say thank you for everything, and that I love you,” looking up at him.

A smile formed and he grabbed your hand “come on let’s go wait for them to announce who made the team,”.

You rejoined your team and begin to talk with everyone, cheering on your fellow teammates who were in the final for their respectful event, and ate a crap ton of food.

It was two hours until they were finally ready to announce the swimmers who made the Olympic team for your country.

Of course, you were nervous, you practically left indentations on Chan’s arms.

You were so happy for the first teammate from your swim club that got placed onto the team.

Soon more names were called and you could hear the cheers from different sections of the pool.

“Christopher Bang,” the officials said and you could have sworn that you started to tear up.

You gave Chan a huge hug before he went onto the stage.

Soon your nerves were slowly started to kick in as you didn’t know if you were going to get called or not.

“Y/n Y/l/n,” they soon announced and that is when your tears officially began to fall.

Walking up the stage you were greeted but the head coach of the team and then everyone from your club came and congratulated you.

“See, I told you that you get on the team y/n,” Chan said walking up to you.

“Shut up dork,” you smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

Once the ceremony was completed you walked over to your family as the congratulated you on this huge accomplishment.

You’re not going to lie this was a huge relief making it onto your such an important team.

“So now that we are both on the Olympic team do you think we have to go back to hating each other?” he asked gently nudging your arm.

“Hmm,” you joking taught about it for a second “maybe,”.

With a shocked look on Chan’s face, he quickly back hugged you.

“I love you too much to let you go,”.

“I love you too,” turning around and returning the hug setting your head perfectly on his chest looking out onto the water.

[sincerelyalie]

“in record time” - a playlist play-by-play

⋆｡˚ ❀ *⋆｡˚ ❀ *⋆｡˚ ❀ * listen here! + follow me on spotify :) ⋆｡˚ ❀ *⋆｡˚ ❀ *⋆｡˚ ❀ *

playlist: in record time description: truly devastating music 

playlist context: felt like breaking my own heart on the way to visit my aunt in irvine by clicking “go to radio” on the saddest song i know (track ii). these songs will make you feel like that cat down there sitting in the washing machine.

disc: i wrote this at 6am T_T

track i: ‘i love you but i need another year’ by liza anne ♫ ♪ 🎵 ♩

golden line:

i can’t salvage your mind while i’m losing mine

the title for this track speaks for itself. the narrator can feel herself slipping in the things she says and activities she engages in, directly stating that she a) knows for certain that she won’t make the safest choices and b) likely needs a diagnosis on a feeling she can’t place, presumably a mental illness. in the chorus, anne tells her lover that “[she doesn’t] want to drag [them] through it”, ‘it’ being the year of self-growth and perhaps therapy that she knows is necessary for her own sake. her partner appears to be willing to support her, but anne laments that they’re “sticking around but how can [they] stand it?” this track differs from the others in that neither party appears to want the relationship to end just yet, but the narrator is faced with the choice between breaking her partner’s (and her own) heart now, or doing the same thing down the line when their relationship no longer becomes sustainable due to their personal struggles. anne’s lyrics leave audiences some listeners wondering if they’d be willing or able to identify when they themselves ‘need another year’, while others will question what might have happened if they’d waited that year when they needed it. 

~~~

track ii: ‘night shift’ by lucy dacus ♫ ♪ 🎵 ♩

our titular track! (see ‘regaining my self worth in record time’ in verse ii.

golden line: the entire refrain. all of it.

you got a 9 to 5, so I'll take the night shift

and I'll never see you again if I can help it

in five years I hope the songs feel like covers

dedicated to new lovers

unpopular opinion: no contact is overrated. not in the sense that it doesn’t work (it does), but because no one talks enough about the toll that distancing yourself from one person can take on your relationships and lifestyle on the whole. dacus does this in her refrain, where she offers herself up for the “night shift” as opposed to the 9-5 that her ex works. taking the night shift to avoid contact with them means she’ll have to face the physical and mental consequences: isolation from friends and family who are also working the more popular 9-5, upheaving her schedule and making herself unavailable in key social hours, and losing out on sleep to take the shift that no one wants in order protect herself. regardless of whether dacus emerges emotionally stronger or more “moved on”, she’s had to dramatically change the entire structure of her life to allow herself to heal, compounding on the initial loneliness of the split. in order to move on, a sort of hopeless injustice has to first be created and radically accepted, no matter how unfair.

~~~

track iii: ‘right where you left me’ by taylor swift ♫ ♪ 🎵 ♩

golden line: 

‘they expected me to find somewhere, some perspective, but i sat and stared’

personally, songs by widely loved mainstream artists that are about losing in love don’t hit as hard because their popularity creates a disconnect where it feels odd to see them present a narrative of grief and rejection. however this song’s cinematic imagery combined with brutal, vulnerable honesty of being stuck in a life-shattering moment while everyone and everything moves on around you. the narrator comments on how “everybody moved on” and cries for help, revealing that she’s still metaphorically stuck in the restaurant booth where her partner called off the relationship— right where they left her. a slow-motion memory unfolds as the verses continue, and the narrator describes in beautiful detail the night— the moment— that she’s forever frozen in. the world never stops, even for a second, and memories feel like chains when you can’t move from where they hold you.

golden line runner up: ‘breakups happen every day, you don’t have to lose it’

~~~

anyway, this has been me doing analysis on song lyrics to dodge the analysis i have to do on an aplac passage. thanks for tuning in to my 6am song reviews :))

sincerely, alie ♡

[thisguyatthemovies]

They will rock you

Title: “Bohemian Rhapsody”

Release date: Nov. 2, 2018

Starring: Rami Malek, Lucy Boynton, Gwilym Lee, Ben Hardy, Joseph Mazzello, Aidan Gillen, Tom Hollander, Allen Leech, Mike Myers, Aaron McCusker

Directed by: Bryan Singer (plus Dexter Fletcher, uncredited)

Run time: 2 hours, 14 minutes

Rated: PG-13

What it’s about: The story of the rock group Queen, with a focus on frontman Freddie Mercury, from its formation in 1970 to its much-lauded performance at the 1985 fundraising concert Live Aid

How I saw it: “Based on a true story.” What does that mean? What should that mean? Those are questions that have been asked by filmmakers and audiences from the time movies were first made. How much “true” should be in a true story? How many liberties can be taken with the facts before it no longer qualifies as “based on a true story?” And does it matter if the story is one the audience is already likely to be familiar with? Can a filmmaker get away with less when the subject of the movie is well-known?

“Bohemian Rhapsody” is the story of the rock band Queen, which enjoyed great success from the mid-1970s to mid-1980s and whose music (at least some of it) even young people today, more than three decades after the band’s heyday, likely recognize. To be fair, the movie is largely the story of frontman Freddie Mercury, who died from the complication of the AIDS in 1991. “Bohemian Rhapsody” is billed as a biographic film, one about a group of musicians that the public is quite familiar with. As thus, it’s reasonable to expect the film to stick closely to the band’s true story, with some minor exceptions allowed since this isn’t a documentary.

In some ways, “Bohemian Rhapsody” does that. For a while at least, it more or less follows the trajectory of Queen’s formation and quick rise to popularity, with a few minor tweaks and omissions, mostly to keep the story moving along. The film uses real Queen music mostly (some of it is recreated by musicians), with the sensational Rami Malek lip-synching his way through original Mercury vocal tracks, with some filling in by Canadian Christian rock singer Marc Martel. The rest of the band does a reasonable job of looking like the real-life members, especially Gwilym Lee, a dead-ringer for guitarist Brian May.

But (and this will only be an issue if you are a big fan of Queen or at least know their story in some detail), “Bohemian Rhapsody” starts to veer from reality in some minor ways and then in some concerning ways. Among the minor issues: After the band’s third album, 1974’s “Sheer Heart Attack,” started to sell (with “Killer Queen” becoming a top-40 single in the U.S.), the band embarks on its first American tour but is shown in concert playing “Fat Bottomed Girls,” a song that didn’t come out until 1978. When Queen records the song for which the movie is titled, band members are shown arguing with record company A&R man Ray Foster (Mike Myers, in a clever bit of casting), the only fictional character among characters representing real-life people, about releasing the operatic “Bohemian Rhapsody” as the first singe from “A Night at the Opera.”

Those are forgivable sins. Not so much is the build-up to the movie’s climatic scene, Queen playing at Wembley Stadium during Live Aid, a 20-minute performance often hailed as one of the greatest live performances of all-time (and all 20 minutes of it is here, performed in front of an obviously CGI-bolstered crowd). Mercury, whose bi-sexuality is well-documented and is one of the film’s main storylines, contracted the HIV virus (just becoming known to most of the world in the early 1980s), and in “Bohemian Rhapsody” Mercury is shown becoming ill and being diagnosed before the Live Aid concert. But that is not true. By most accounts, Mercury was not diagnosed until a year or two later. Also, Queen is shown working its way back into playing shape after having broken up and the band not speaking to Mercury for an extended time because he had signed a lucrative solo contract. But the band never did break up and still was a band until Mercury’s health failed and he died in 1991. The band had toured not long before the Live Aid performance. In fact, the tour for the album “The Works” ended just eight weeks before Live Aid took place.

Whether this matters much is up to you (and probably will depend on how old you are and how much of the band’s story you know and remember). Perhaps you welcome some revisionist history in the name of creating a better story than in real life. And even if you are not cool with reworked reality, there is much to like here.

The concert scenes are cheer-worthy and the stuff of singalongs. After the success of “A Night at the Opera,” Queen quickly recognized it was going to be playing large arenas and started crafting its music toward big audiences (thus, “We Will Rock You” was written), and the live performance scenes in the movie will make you feel like you are right there. The music is obviously familiar (most of the big hits are here) and, as a bonus, some of Queen’s early works (songs like “Keep Yourself Alive” and “Now I’m Here”) will find fresh ears.

The film is more than a concert, though. Mercury’s story is a remarkable one. Malek does a great job of portraying a complicated character without it becoming an impersonation or caricature. The movie’s most heart-wrenching moments are of Mercury coming to grips with his sexuality and realizing that fame is not all it is cut out to be and that it can be lonely at the top. The movie’s best scenes are of Mercury and longtime girlfriend/fiancee/friend Mary Austin (Lucy Boynton), who was his biggest supporter even after she came to recognize Mercury’s sexuality (she realized what was going on before he came out to her) and they parted as a couple but remained good friends. Aaron McCusker has some good scenes as Jim Hutton, who would become Mercury’s partner until the singer died.

The band’s story might seem familiar, but so will the format. The tale of an outsider who finds acceptance through the performing arts, has a disapproving father, clashes with record company executives, clashes with equally large egos in a band, finds success, finds success isn’t everything, turns to alcohol and drugs, hits the skids (in this case, the skids being largely fictionalized, since Queen still was pretty popular heading into Live Aid) and then enjoys a remarkable comeback is the plot of most every episode of “Behind the Music.” What makes “Bohemian Rhapsody” far more substantial than that TV series are Malek’s performance, great concert scenes, great music and the remarkable story of a troubled but brilliant performer and innovative and much-loved and appreciated band.

My score: 76 out of 100

Should you see it? If you like Queen and its music, yes, you will want to see it. It’s playing at IMAX if you desire a larger-than-life performer shown in a larger-than-life format.

[loveiscosmicsin]

Home Cooking

To @dancingfox on Tumblr, as part of the IgNoct White Day Gift Exchange @ignoctgiftexchange, I offer you a fic (it was a struggle because I was debating with five ideas at once and suffering from writer’s block and then life got really crazy that I didn’t post until way past the dates). I’m not sure what you like since you gave me “Anything, truly :)”, but I can safely assure you that there’s nothing about non-cons or excessive violent themes in this, just lots of fluff and I hope that’s okay! Though this fic can be read on its own, it’s branched off an Fateswap AU where Noctis is the Oracle and Lunafreya is the King of Light and Ignis is her advisor titled “Radiance”. Happy White Day and Happy Gift Exchange, I hope you like this. Sorry for being super late to you and the mod behind the event. I feel massively guilty but I wasn’t going to abandon this. - Title: Home Cooking Rating: G Warnings: None Summary: Courtship is such an antiquated tradition to Noctis, but he’s willing to push the aversion aside and show how he cares with a thoughtful gesture while Ignis is staying in the Crown City. - “Well,” Luna began, crossing her ankles and folding her hands in her lap. Unbridled excitement coursed through her, almost similar to the feeling she relished harvesting raw elemental energy from touch alone, as the King of Light and her trustworthy retainer passed the first landmark. “Our second time in Insomnia swiftly approaches.” “Indeed.” Ignis replied, eyes closed in contentment as he sipped from a can of Ebony, flipping through the magazine, his steady gaze was fixated across the pages. “You must be absolutely delighted that we are to see dear Noctis once more. These last months must have been torturous for you.” “Of course, my lady.”

Luna let the next couple minutes of silence sink in, save for the sounds of the train in motion, before narrowing her eyes and a slight twitch at the corner of her frown took form. “So... pray tell what is so intriguing in this issue’s quarterly that you deign to provide me a proper answer?” “I’m rather absorbed in this soufflé recipe,” Ignis answered without looking up and nothing more. He raised the Ebony again as to solidify the answer he had chosen and end the discussion there. Dissatisfied with the poorly made apology and in one swift motion, Luna pressed her palm firmly on the can and snatched the magazine out of Ignis’ hands. “Why,” Luna’s blue eyes widened before she grinned knowingly as her suspicions were indeed correct. Her advisor had artfully concealed a magazine behind a cooking one. “Ignis, consider yourself caught in the act. You’re reading a fishing magazine!” The woman turned to the can in her hand and shook it. “And not once have you requested a replacement for your beverage. It is empty.” Ignis sighed, color high on his cheeks as he plucked magazine back and set it on the table between them. "I suppose saying merely looking at a recently discovered fish had my mind swimming with recipe ideas wouldn't suffice as an answer?" The advisor tried, Luna sent him a look and he grimaced before admitting,  “Noctis informed me that he enjoys fishing..." Luna smiled. "It's his favorite past time, I'm told. You may find this hard to believe considering my brother’s animosity towards him, but Ravus taught him how.” "It seems very... time-consuming." He tried for a delicate term but the way Luna hid her mouth behind her hand told him he had failed. “He wished to take me fishing at one of his favorite places.” "He will be thrilled to know you've suddenly taken an interest in it." She laughed, earning her a tired stare. "Do not worry, Ignis, for when he sees you, fishing will be the furthest thing on his mind." To see Ignis and Noctis have gained such familiarity and fondness in such little time warmed the heiress’s heart in full. It was unexpected, certainly for her advisor who was quick to assume that the Oracle of Futurity was no more than a voracious beast. Fortunately, his opinion changed overnight when Noctis restored his vision and the two became well acquainted. Luna couldn’t help but feel wholly obligated to cheer and tease Ignis whenever she pleased, much to her advisor’s chagrin. Ignis nodded in appreciation for the reassurance, but the conversation wasn’t over. He gingerly caressed the worn and curling corners of the magazines, conflicted. “Actually, there’s something that I must address with you, Luna. It’s urgent, but we can discuss it later if you prefer.” Luna blinked, her mouth slightly agape. Ignis can be stern and alarmingly taciturn at times, even as a young child, he groomed himself this way so to prove himself worthy of Luna’s retainer despite the disability. He was looking at her now with the same intensity he did then, the scars from the burns could never smother the radiance from the soft sky blue and puffs of white. There was a storm cloud hovering above him. “Do not say that when I have not heard what it could be about first.” Luna regained her composure albeit she stammered when she said this, taking his hand in hers. “Let us discuss this now or I fear we could not enjoy the rest of our journey comfortably.” Ignis was inclined to agree. The lump in his throat bobbed slightly as he avoided looking directly at Luna’s worried expression. “If I could now, I would bend the knee for you, Lady Lunafreya. At your word, my counsel and my blades are yours, always. You will always be my princess and Tenebrae’s True Queen.“ “Ignis,” Luna pulled her hand away, feeling the blades of Ignis’ carefully placed words piercing her heart. “Are you... leaving me?” Her eyes stung, hurt, reminding herself that she was royalty and mustn’t cause a scene in public. If it was her closest friend’s requests, she must grant him leave in a dignified fashion. At that, the advisor’s eyebrows were raised as if offended, no, appalled by the inquiry. That reaction was unwarranted for the princess wanted to berate him for thinking that she would handle this delicately when he knew her much better than that. “No, I believe you’re mistaken by what I’m trying to get across,” Ignis reached out to loosen his collar and cleared his throat, embarrassed but the princess didn’t know by which, the misunderstanding or the topic on the tip of his tongue. “I merely wish... to ask for your permission to initiate a formal courtship with Noctis.” “Oh.” Luna’s cheeks glowed hot not long after the request was spoken. “Oh,” she repeated, pressing her mouth against her palm. “Then why must you waffle on when you could speak plainly? I... I thought you asking for a dismissal.” “My apologies,” Ignis amended, offering the woman a handkerchief. “I underestimated how quick you are in jumping to conclusions, Highness.” Luna sent him an icy glare to which Ignis added, “But I cannot fathom how you would be without your Hand.” Luna dabbed at her eyes. She cannot imagine herself without Ignis either and can undoubtedly forgive him here. “Now, does Noctis know of this? Is that why you’ve come to me?” “I have not consulted him on this, no.” The advisor paused, knowing that he had to explain himself. “It is customary for subjects to the Crown to ask his liege before pursuing a romantic partner.” “From an antiquated tradition that has not been in practice for years? On Eos?” Despite being two years his senior, it still came as a shock to Luna that Ignis was terribly old-fashioned and a secret romantic, Noctis was fortunate indeed. In all the time they had together and cherished, Luna never thought she would see the day when Ignis would consider dating. Her advisor was quite popular among the young ladies at balls and such though he didn’t seem to notice or care of their affections. Luna decided that she will continue to support the two in any way she can. - Noctis took a step back, wiping at his brow as he did so to admire his work. He consulted the cookbook propped on a stand before glancing at the final results. “Not bad after a couple tries,” Noctis commended himself, putting his hands at his hips. “Chef Noct’s got a nice ring to it. If I wanna have a career change.” He may have gone overboard with the quantity of the ingredients and he’s surrounded by an abundance of tofu cartons and potatoes than he ever had in his life, but a pat on the back was in order. The Oracle of Futurity and Crown Prince of Lucis may have been renowned for performing miracles before the age of twenty and now, he can cross off making his boyfriend lunch on the list. Though debatable of how high of an accomplishment this was, it was major. He wouldn’t cook for just anyone. He wouldn’t have asked Gentiana to gather texts of cookbooks or dragged Prompto along to the grocery store for the ingredients for just anyone. Baked tofu skewers and potato salad on a bed of sprouts, a common comfort dish in Tenebrae though the sprouts there served for bedding and to secure the food together in the plastic lunch box. A-not-so novel pairing, but the Prince Oracle thought a meal would ease whatever homesickness the Tenebraean Crown Advisor may experience and it was simple to make. He had let the thoughts ruminate constantly through extravagant recipes far beyond his skill level and wanted to present a meal in good faith while not wanting to show that he didn’t spend more time than necessary to prepare. And from what he glossed over, he found that he was really good at slicing and dicing. The Oracle turned his attention rectangular tin box emblazoned with Lucis’ allied province’s emblem featured by the male King of Light and female Oracle from the Cosmology watercolor illustrations he read as a child. The current bearer of the title and childhood friend, the King of Light, gave it to him. ‘Not yet,” Luna chided with a airy giggle when she stopped Noctis from opening it. ‘When you see Ignis, share these with him.’ Though it was a gentle smile, there was an underlying threat that if she did find out that Noctis didn’t abide with the instruction, he wouldn’t keep his hand. His phone alarm erupted with the iconic King’s Knight victory fanfare. Time to see Ignis. “Unescorted?” Ignis inquired, raising an eyebrow in amusement when Noctis waiting in the reception room alone. “My apologies. Were we to meet today?” One of the guidelines of courtship dictated that the two people involved must always be escorted by designated officers on dates. At times, even Luna joined them and others, Prompto and Gladiolus or Gentiana. For all his life, Noctis had the world’s eyes on him and for once, he would just like just Ignis’ when it was just the two of them. Noctis didn’t have knowledge of Ignis’ intentions to court him until the advisor was granted a private audience with King Regis. Apparently, everyone knew but Noctis. And something in him sang for his own validation, emboldening him. ‘Ask me,’ the Oracle challenged breathlessly when he pulled the advisor to the side, away from prying eyes. Despite wanting the whole world to recognize their relationship, something must be made clear now. ‘Not Luna. Not Dad. Me.’ Ignis won’t be dating the Crown or the Prince Oracle, not even the playboy persona he built up in their first meeting, but Noctis, as he is, no gimmicks. Noctis only wanted Ignis. To his defense, at the time, Noctis thought he and Ignis were dating already, sharing an interest in each other’s hobbies, exchanging letters when they were apart, all but without putting a label on it. He wanted to make it official then and still do. Ignis did ask and Noctis accepted without a moment’s hesitation. “Nope, but you got me anyway. No objections allowed.” Noctis braced himself for Ignis to protest, had a counter in mind that he can’t send him back because an attendant wasn’t in their company. Thankfully, there was none. “Your spontaneity never ceases to amaze me. I find that very refreshing about you.” Surprising him was a good call after all. “But I got something for you,” Noctis announced, holding out the stacked lunch boxes wrapped in a plaid cloth. “Hope you brought your appetite.” The two retired to the courtyard with the lovely view of the garden and greenhouse across from them. “Baked tofu and potato salad,” Ignis studied the dish, approving the vibrant colors. “You made this for me?” “With a dash of sagefire,” Noctis took an imaginary pitch of spice and with a flick of his wrist whisked it into an imaginary dish. “Bam.” As he said it, he felt a case of embarrassment overwhelm him. “How thoughtful,” Ignis reached over to give Noctis’ hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll savor every bite.” Ignis eagerly bit into one of the skewers and thoughtfully chewed. Enthusiasm and curiosity then turned to a furrowed brow and a slight grimace. It was gone as instantly as it appeared, but Noctis was attentive enough to not let it pass. “Does it taste bad?” Ignis shook his head, taking another bite. “It’s delicious. The... condiment has a distinctive taste.” Noctis frowned. It was just barbecue sauce. Couldn’t he tell? He snatched a free skewer and dug in before spitting the tofu block right back out. Salt. He mistook for what he thought was sugar for salt and Ignis was still eating it. “Uh, Ignis, you really don’t...” “I’m a man of my word, Noct.” After some time of verbal gymnastics and Noctis trying to retrieve the lunch box only to be thwarted at every turn, Ignis closed the box and sighed happily, “That was delicious.” Noctis completely doubted that, but the potato salad was the only thing that wasn’t ruined. He handed a can of Ebony to him. “Yeah, sure.” “I meant what I said,” Ignis sipped the can. “Because you made it for me. I look forward to the next lunch you’ll bring me.” Well, at least that wasn’t a complete failure. “Hey, Luna gave me this,” Noctis presented the decorated tin box. “Wouldn’t let me open it until I see you. Pretty serious about it, too. Dunno what that’s about.” “Oh?” Ignis tilted his head, quizzically. “Lunafreya’s hardly grave about—“ Cookies, shaped like the rare minted Oracle Ascension Coins commemorating every anointed savior in office, greeted the two men. Instead of edible replicas of the currency, they were edible versions of Noctis and Ignis’ faces with... a distinguished choice of design. No doubt that Luna was going for cute and it took her a great amount of time to design. “Ah, this is certainly her doing. No question about it.” Ignis sighed, picking up a cookie with his face on it. “She knows that I don’t fancy sweets.” He said, putting it close to his parted lips. “Wait!” Ignis looked at him. “Isn’t it...” Noctis averted his gaze. “Isn’t it weird that you going to eat your face?” Ignis smirked. “Would you prefer that I eat yours?” “I...” How was the Oracle supposed to answer that seeing the mischievous gleam in the advisor’s eyes? - Lunch passed by quickly, and Ignis offered to take Noctis back to the Citadel to which the latter accepted wholeheartedly. “May I, Your Highness?” Ignis held out his hand, and Noctis knew what it meant. “You may...” Ignis lowered his head, intending to brush the knuckles with a chaste kiss, the only permitted contact in formal courtship, but Noctis dove in first and met his lips with his own, sealing a first kiss. If there were any doubts that this Prince Oracle wasn’t proactive, those doubts should be dispelled at this point. The advisor was beside himself, his cheeks tinted red and stuttering as he adjusted his glasses. “N-Noct...” “So...” Noctis was grinning until his cheeks hurt, so over the moon that his tongue boldly ran wild with revelation and a growing desire to kiss Ignis again. “Was that your first or...?” “It certainly was not!” It was.

[muffindragon227]

I’ll Keep Your Secrets Safe - Ch. 25

AN: The much anticipated chapter is finally here. I know it’s taken a while, but I finally got around to editing this. Good news though, 26 is written and 27 is half way there. So I’m well under way to finishing IKYSS off. Hope you enjoy the chapter. You can find links to the other chapters HERE

                                            Chapter 25: Date Night

Nerves fluttered in Lyon’s stomach, as he tugged at his bangs to the left. One look in the entryway mirror and he tugged them back right and tried to rearrange them to look better. He wished his stupid hair would cooperate.

“You’re gonna go bald if you keep doing that,” Gray said as he leaned against the door.

Lyon glared at him through the mirror. “Fuck you.”

“No thanks.”

Lyon blanched, and his stomach churned. He felt like might throw up. Of course, he’d been feeling like that since he woke up this morning, so it probably had nothing to do with Gray.

His phone buzzed against his hip and he pulled it out of his pocket.

Mered: Almost free from my hell shift! Ultear’s already on her way to get me. Can’t wait to see you.

Another wave of nausea washed over Lyon. He should never have agreed to this. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, head down to Magnolia for karaoke, invite all their friends and come out to everyone all at once- get it over with. Of course, now that Mered wasn’t pressing heated kisses to his lips, he was thinking a lot clearer. It was a terrible plan.

He reached for his hair again.

“Would you stop?” Gray huffed. “It’s fine.”

“He’s just nervous, and you’re not helping,” Juvia called down to them, she stepped out of the upstairs bathroom, and eyed Gray for a moment before turning her attention to Lyon. “It’s gonna be fine.”

“Easy for you to say,” Lyon muttered.

“No one’s going to care,” Gray said.

“How do you know?”

Juvia shook her head and bounded down the stairs, two at a time. She almost collided into Lyon as she launched herself off the last step, and threw her arms around him. “Stop worrying. You’ve gone out with Mered the last two days and no one’s bothered you guys. Tonight’s not gonna be any different.”

Lyon’s shoulders tightened and his stomach flip flopped. “It’s totally different.”

“How?” Gray scowled.

“Those were strangers.” Lyon’s hands flailed dramatically, and Juvia had to take a step back. “Tonight it’s every friend I have here, seeing me out with my boyfriend for the first time, when six days ago they were told I was dating Juvia. That’s definitely different!”

Juvia sighed and took his hand. “It is, but that doesn’t mean it’s gonna go badly. They’re your friends, and you already know Lucy and Levy are okay with gay people. And Gajeel already knows.”

“If it helps, Erza knows too,” Gray said.

Lyon’s heart stopped. He gaped at Gray and wailed, ‘How does Erza know?”

Gray winced and averted his gaze. “Well…” He shot Lyon a nervous glance, before looking away again and muttering, “I mighta let it slip last Thursday.”

“Let it slip? How the hell do you just let that slip? You’ve kept it secret for two years!”

“Fine. I told her! Happy?” Gray wrapped his arms around himself and glared at Lyon. Lyon glared back at him and mirrored Gray’s stance. He felt betrayed.

Gray sighed and carded a hand through his hair. “I didn’t do it on purpose, I was freaking out. I thought you were leading Juvia on, and I kissed her. The whole thing was a mess; I needed advice.” He slumped back against the door, looking miserable and guilt ridden. “I knew she wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t of told her if I thought she would.”

“That’s still not okay,” Juvia said, a scowl plastered on her face.

Gray swallowed hard and nodded. His face was taught and he looked about as sick as Lyon felt. He couldn’t believe Gray had outed him, especially after keeping it a secret from their parents all this time. It made his heart ache, and his mind screamed for him to lash out and close Gray off again. It was clear from the hurt and guarded way Gray was looking at him that that’s what Gray expected him to do.

Lyon forced himself to meet Gray’s gaze. “She’s the only one who knows?”

Gray frowned, but nodded slowly.

“And she really doesn’t care?”

Gray shrugged. “You saw her Saturday. She didn’t say anything or treat you differently right?”

Lyon didn’t have to think hard about it. He’d never have guessed she knew he was gay. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Gray and Juvia echoed in unison.

“Okay.” Lyon sighed and forced the tension from his shoulder and shrugged. “I believe you. I don’t like it, but I don’t think you did it out of malice, and I guess there’s no real harm done.”

“Really?” Gray stared at Lyon wide-eyed. “So we’re good?”

“Good enough.”

Gray grinned at him. “Thanks. It won’t happen again. Promise. And you’re over thinking tonight; no one cared when Cana came out, it’s not gonna be any different with you.”

“When Cana what?” Lyon squawked. He felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped down his back.

Juvia giggled and patted Lyon on the back. “I’m not sure how you missed it, but I’m pretty sure Cana’s bi.”

“Pansexual actually,” Gray said.

Lyon blinked owlishly, and he swore he could feel the world spinning. He wrapped an arm around Juvia and leaned against her for support. “Do you even know what that means?”

Gray shrugged. “She’ll fuck anyone so long as she likes ‘em”

It was close enough.

A car horn honked twice.

“That’ll be the cab,” Gray said, and hauled open the front door. Sure enough a green and orange taxi was parked out just past the front lawn.

Lyon’s feet felt like they were made of cement, and his head buzzed.

Juvia’s hand found his and she twined their fingers together. “You can do this. It’s gonna be okay.”

Gray took a step closer and clapped Lyon on the shoulder. “Come on, it’ll be fun. ‘Sides, we’ve got your back.”

Lyon glanced back and forth between them, then nodded. He took a deep breath and planted one foot in front of the other. He didn’t stop, and he didn’t look back. Instead he focused on his brother and his best friend.

Tonight was gonna be a good night.

Juvia bounded off the stage, high on the performance and applause still ringing in her ears. Lyon was right behind her, his hand resting on the small of her back as they wove through the crowd back to their group of tables.

“Oh my god!” Lucy screeched, grinning at the two of them. Her hands slammed down onto the tabletop in excitement. “That was incredible! I’ve got chills!”

Juvia blushed and smiled at Lucy, but her eyes scanned the surrounding tables, and replied dismissively. “It’s mostly Lyon.”

“It’s true, I can make anyone sound good.” Lyon slipped into the booth next to Mered, and nudged his shoulder. “We should go up next.”

“Not a chance in hell. I ain’t following that up.” Mered glowered at Lyon.

Lyon pouted. “But it’ll be fun, and you promised me you’d sing a duet with me.”

“That was before I heard you two sing together.”

Juvia bit her lip. Lyon's anxiety had been getting the better of her when she'd dragged him on stage. She’d wanted to calm his nerves, and her own with them, and it worked.

Only now it was backfiring.

“What’s that got to do with it?” Lyon's brow dipped in confusion.

“Uh, you two sound like you belong in a Broadway musical. I sound like a dying cat.”

“First off, of course I belong in a Broadway musical. Secondly, no one cares what you sound like." Lyon crinkled his nose in distaste. "They even cheered for Gajeel,”

Juvia swatted his arm. “He’s not that bad.” The whole table looked at her like she’d grown a second head. She huffed and let her gaze drift through the crowd, her eyes catching on over a dozen dark haired men. She couldn't get a good look at most of them in the dim lighting.

"Finally, I've got years of vocal training. I can just sing over you and drown you out so no one will hear how bad you are."

Mered scowled at Lyon, and shoved his side. "Go fuck yourself." He caught Juvia's eye as she continued to scour the crowd and pointed towards the bar. "He's over there."

Juvia whipped her head around. Sure enough, she spotted Gray. Cana was there with him and they seemed to be talking to a guy with orange hair. She vaguely remembered him from the party, but was drawing a blank on his name.

Juvia glanced back to Lyon, guilt tightening in her stomach. She had said she’d be there for him in case anything went down.

Lyon rolled his eyes back and her and shooed her with his hand. “Just go, we’re fine.”

Juvia took another darting glance in Gray’s direction, and pulled herself straighter. It was time to finally stop all this dancing around. She’d been patient, had given him time to adjust to things, had waited for his mom to cool down, and now it was time to go after what she wanted. What she hoped they both wanted.

She approached the group, taking long deliberate strides and adding a small swing to her hips. She tried to think sexy, and embody it.

Cana was the first to spot Juvia and waved her over enthusiastically. Gray turned in Juvia’s direction his brow furrowed, only to break out into a wide grin at the sight of her.

“Hey gorgeous, come to drink away your woes?” Cana tease as she slung an arm around Juvia pulling her into a tight half hug.

Juvia quirked an eyebrow at her. “My woes?”

“Looks like your singing partner traded you in for a younger model.” Cana gestured towards Lyon, who was trying to coax Mered up to the stage.

“Right.” Juvia let out a laugh. “Yes definitely here to drown my sorrows.”

“What’s your poison?” Gray asked, leaning in close to be heard over the singing. His hand settled on her lower back. Heat scorched through her body and and her knees felt weak.

“Vodka Cran.”

He nodded and waved down the bartender, who was in the middle of mixing drinks.

“Good choice,” the orange haired guy said. He leaned around Gray’s shoulder and offered her his hand. “I don't think we’ve been properly introduced-”

“For good reason.” Gray swatted the man’s hand away, but a smirk played on his lips.

The man’s eyes darted to Gray and he smiled wickedly before turning back to Juvia. His eyes danced with mirth. “You must be Juvia, I'm Loke. I'm afraid Gray's a bit of a caveman when it comes to these things.”

Juvia blinked in surprise. Did Gray mention her to Loke too?

“You sound like Lyon,” Gray sneered.

Cana burst into laughter. “He does, doesn't he?”

“Is that why you're trying to hide her from me?” Loke asked with a devilish grin.

“Nah, just trying to spare her from your crappy pick up lines.”

“Why?” Amusement danced in Cana's eyes. “I'm sure she'd tear him to pieces. It’d be great.”

Juvia caught sight of the bartender waiting for them and was about to order when Gray cut her off. “She’ll have a vodka cranberry, and I'll take another beer.”

“Keiths?” The bartender asked, glancing down at Gray’s glass. Gray nodded.

“And four tequila shots,” Loke added.

Juvia groaned as she fished through her purse for her wallet. “No. I'm not doing tequila shots tonight. No way.”

“Vodka then.”

“Fine,” Juvia huffed and hauled out her wallet.

Gray caught her hand before she could fish out any money. “I've got it.”

Juvia blinked up at him. She swore there was a light blush coating his cheeks. “But-” Her protest died on her lips as he stared down at her. A part of her wanted to insist she could pay for herself, but the way he was touching her and the look he was giving her made her wonder if maybe, this was his way of making this a date. She took a deep breath and smiled at him. “Thank you.”

“Just put her drinks on my tab,” Gray told the bartender. “The tequila shots are on him though.” He jerked a thumb at Loke.

“Well look at you, pulling out the moves,” Cana said, elbowing Gray in the side.

He tensed, then jerked his hand away from the small of Juvia’s back as though he’d been burned. His voice was strained when he replied, “I’m not!’

Juvia bit back her disappointment. She liked him touching her, and she felt a little put out by the denial. Then again, Gray seemed like a private person so she'd need to get used to that. She shifted a little closer to Gray, and tried to think of a subtle way to say she didn’t mind if he was. She’d been waiting on him for days.

“Why not?” Loke asked in total disbelief. “You need to get laid, it’s been like… years.”

“Shut up," Gray said through gritted teeth. He carded a hand through his hair and shot Juvia a nervous look. “Any chance you could ignore him for the rest of the night?”

Juvia giggled and placed her hand on his bicep, hoping to re-engage contact between them, and also hoping that he’d pick up on the flirtation. “I was planning to anyways.”

Gray flashed her a grin.

“Ow, that’s savage." Despite the complaint, Loke was smiling as he said it.

“Alright, enough blabbering from you, we gonna do these shots or what?” Cana asked.

“Yes!” Loke said, reaching between Gray and Juvia to pluck one of the shots off the bar. Cana grabbed her own, but Gray grabbed the remaining two and handed Juvia hers. They raised their glasses and down the shots in one go. Juvia followed suit, letting the vodka shot burn down her throat. The others chased their shots with limes, but Juvia grabbed her drink and took a sip.

Cana gave her a light pat on the back. “You better keep this one Gray, she’s a woman after my own heart.”

Gray shifted uncomfortably, giving Cana a non-committal shrug. He grabbed his beer and downed a good portion of it. “So, you hosting New Year’s again this year?”

Juvia’s heart tugged. She wondered why he got so touchy when people suggested there was something romantic between them. He had no trouble flirting with her, and he’d been getting better about the distance he’d been keeping prior to Christmas, but she still felt like there was a part of him holding back, and she couldn’t figure out why. She kinda figured it would have been a done deal by now.

“Hell yeah! The old man is out for the night, so I’m going all out.” She nudged Juvia. “You better be there. Lyon and Mered too! I want a full house.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Juvia said. She hadn’t been planning on a wild night out but she liked Gray’s friends. They were a bit overwhelming, and she couldn’t help but feel a bit left out when they’d talk about growing up together, but she enjoyed their company.

Besides, if everything went well, she and Gray would finally be dating, so why not party it up on New Years.

“I can’t believe we’re leaving!” Lyon whined. He clung to Mered’s back as they stumbled down the street away from the bar’s door. “It’s not even ten, you should all be ashamed.”

Juvia shook her head and trudged out after them, tugging her coat tighter around her as the cold air hit her for the first time in hours.

“Yeah, well, some of us have work in the morning,” Ultear grumbled from Juvia’s side. Ultear had her arms wrapped tight around herself, and was darting glances up and down the street hunting for a large cab.

“Not me,” Mered chirped, and smirked over his shoulder.

Ultear glared at him. “Yeah, yeah. Rub it in.”

“You’re just getting old,” Lyon said, a smirk played on his lips. “Back in the day you’d be out all hours of the night, job or not.”

“That’s because I never cared about the jobs I had, it’s a little different now. If I don’t go to work, I don’t make money,” Ultear said.

“Excuses, excuses. Admit it, you’re old, and you’re out past your bedtime,” Mered teased.

“You little shit.” Ultear’s eyes narrowed as she lunged towards Mered.

Mered's eyes went wide with panic and he ducked behind Lyon. Ultear darted after him, and he spun around, keeping Lyon between them as Ultear tried to catch him.

Lyon stumbled between them and tried to protest being used as a shield, but it fell on deaf ears.

Juvia shivered, and burrowed deeper into her jacket, feeling colder now that Ultear wasn’t there to block the wind. She caught sight of a lit up taxi sign and started to flag it down, only to realize it was a car and wouldn't fit them all. Her nose wrinkled in frustration. They should have called one from the bar, at this rate they were going to freeze to death in the street.

“You cold?” Gray asked, as he sauntered up to them. He’d been helping Cana and Lucy get Natsu into their cab.

Juvia bit her lip. She didn’t want him to give her his jacket, since it was way too cold for him to be without one, but it wasn’t like she could hide it either. She nodded.

Gray studied her for a moment before stepping right up beside her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against his chest, holding her there and turning her away from the wind so he’d shield her from most of it.

Juvia’s heart raced and she could feel her cheeks going red.

“Hey look, Gray’s being a gentleman!” Mered shouted, pointing at the two of them. Lyon and Ultear came to a halt, the three of them a tangle of limbs from their game of cat and mouse. Identical smirks formed, as they gawked at the pair of them.

Gray’s whole body tensed against her back and his arms stiffened. He let out a loud frustrated growl before replying. “Just making sure she doesn’t freeze to death since you three are more interested in play tag, instead of getting us a cab.”

Juvia’s heart dropped a bit, and she sunk back against him.

“Nice, very romantic,” Lyon deadpanned.

Gray shifted behind her and huffed feathering the hair against Juvia's neck. “Whatever.” He readjusted his grip, but he didn’t let go of her, and Juvia decided that was a good sign.

“We should just call a cab” Mered suggested. “It’ll take forever to find a van at this time of night.”

“Good idea.” Ultear fished out her phone and started punching in numbers.

Lyon pouted and draped himself over Mered’s shoulder. “Not a good idea. The sooner we find a cab, the sooner the night's over and I have to say goodbye to you.”

Mered rolled his eyes. “You’ll see me again tomorrow, now get off. Stop using me to lean on.”

“But, I want to see you more now!”

“Why don’t you come home with us?” Juvia asked, “You don’t have to work in the morning, you could spend the night. Lyon’s bed is free, and we can watch movies together.”

Mered’s eyes went wide, and Lyon’s lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Yes! Brilliant idea!” Lyon wrapped his arms tighter around Mered’s shoulder, and hung off him. “Please come home with me. Please, please, please.”

Mered struggled under Lyon’s hold and glared up at him in frustration. “I’m not going anywhere with you until you get offa me.”

Lyon shot off Mered, freeing him from Lyon's death grip. “I'm off!” He held his hands high in the air as proof, but he still hovered ridiculously close to Mered. He pouted and batted his eyes at Mered. “Now will you grace me with your presence for the night?”

Mered shifted again and bit his lower lip.

Juvia frowned, unsure why he seemed so hesitant, and Lyon's smile fell a bit.

Mered was about to say something when Ultear turned back to the group. “Cab’s on its way, and you should totally come. It’ll be your first double date.” She elbowed him and smirked at Gray and Juvia.

“We’re not dating.” Gray was stiff as a board and when Juvia glanced up at him he was scowling at Ultear.

Juvia felt a pang of rejection shoot through her heart. She knew they weren't dating yet, but she’d hoped that would change. She caught the sympathetic glances Mered and Ultear were shooting her.

All at once Gray's arms felt constricting. “Right.” Juvia pushed his arms off of her and pulled away from him

“Juvia?” Gray frowned “I thought you were cold.”

“I'm fine.” She’d meant to sound relaxed, but anyone could hear the strain in her voice.

Gray stepped towards her and reached his hand out to touch her. “Hey, what's up?”

“Nothing,” she snapped and flinched away from him. “Nothing is up, you made that perfectly clear.”

“What? Seriously? All I said was we aren't dating; which is true. Why are you getting so pissed off?” Gray threw his hands up in frustration as he glared back at her.

Juvia gaped at him, as a torrent of emotions flooded her mind. She had no idea how to answer that. Did he really not get it? “You're kidding right?”

“Say yes, it might still save your ass,” Mered said.

“No.” Gray scowled at Juvia.

“Wrong answer.” Mered muttered and eyed Gray like he was a dead man.

“So you don't have feelings for me? That kiss meant nothing to you?” Juvia was bordering on hysterical, and several people were staring at them.

“I didn't say that.” Gray ran a hand through his hair and glanced about nervously. “Can you calm down? We’ll talk about this later.”

“When later? It's been five days! I've been waiting, I'm tired of it.”

Gray clenched his jaw and his hands balled into fists at his sides. He gaze darted up and down the street and the various people stopping to look at them. He grit his teeth. “When we aren't in public.”

“No that's-”

“Juvia enough,” Lyon said, catching her by the elbow and pulled her towards him. “You're overreacting and blowing this way out of proportion.”

Juvia’s eyes narrowed and betrayal lanced through her heart. She wrenched herself free from Lyon's grip and spun on him. Lyon locked eyes with her and took a step back, bumping into Mered.

“Dumb thing to say dude,” Mered said, glancing nervously between the two of them.

“Foot in mouth syndrome, both of them,” Ultear muttered. She stepped forward as their cab pulled up to the curb and wrapped an arm around Juvia. “Just breathe. Remember, they're dumb boys.”

Juvia nodded, even though she didn't agree with the sentiment. Gray and Lyon weren't dumb, bad with words sure but not dumb. And the fact that Lyon was actually siding with Gray over her was a slight that cut her deeper than she had words for.

She climbed into the cab and settled in the front set of seats. Ultear sat beside her and Gray and Lyon were forced to sit in the back with Mered.

As the cab pulled away from the curb Juvia turned and stared out the window and wished she had somewhere else to go tonight.

The tension in the cab was impossible to ignore, no matter how hard Lyon tried. Juvia hadn't said a word to anyone, and was busy sulking in the seat in front of him. Occasionally Lyon caught her glaring at him through the window.

Gray wasn't much better, but at least he was willing to talk to the rest of them. Though, he kept shooting looks Juvia’s way, and he face was frozen in permanent scowl.

Lyon did his best to engage with Mered and Ultear, and stay upbeat, but it was hard to ignore the glares Juvia kept shooting at him through the window. Lyon pretended like he didn’t notice, but anyone could tell that was an act. Twenty minutes into the ride and Mered slid his hand over top of Lyon’s. It helped a bit.

By the time they arrived at the house, everyone was relieved to be allowed out of the cab.

Mered made a beeline for the house, and ended up having to wait for Lyon to make it up the walkway to unlock the door for him. Gray wasn’t far behind, but Juvia lingered by the cab, waiting while Ultear paid the fair.

Lyon watched them from the door, apprehension pooling in his gut. There was no telling what Juvia was gonna do at this point. He waited until the two of them were walking up the driveway before finally starting to take off his coat. For a moment he’d been afraid Juvia might not come in.

Gray seemed to have the same idea. He wasn’t as obvious about watching them, but he’d yet to take anything off, and Lyon caught the way he’d steal glances out of the door every few seconds.

Ultear trudged through the door, peeling off her coat as she entered and ripping off her mittens, scarf and headband along with it. She begrudgingly stuffed them into to the closet in a semi organized manner, before turning to the rest of the group with a sigh. “Okay, I gotta be up in five hours, so I’m off to bed. Have fun, keep the noise down, and try to get some sleep at some point.” She eyed Lyon and Mered as she said it.

“No promises,” Lyon teased.

Mered coughed and went bright red beside him. He averted his gaze when Lyon turned to stare at him. “Night Ul.”

Gray side eyed the two of them and shook his head. He stepped forward and gave Ultear a half hug. “Night Tear.”

Juvia was last and she stepped into the house. She meet Ultear in a warm hug.

“Don’t let these things get to your head. We all love you okay?” Ultear ran a hand over Juvia’s hair and gave her a small pat. “Okay kids, night.”

“Night,” they all echoed in unison as Ultear climbed the stairs.

Mered smiled as he turned to Lyon. “So… popcorn?”

“Hell yes.” Lyon turned to Juvia and smiled at her, hoping they might be able to drop the argument for the night. “Wanna help?”

“I’ll pass,” Juvia said, with a shake of her head.

“Well at least come in and take your coat off. I’m turning into a popsicle,” Mered laughed and flashed her a grin.

Juvia shifted uncomfortably, and glanced back outside. “Actually, I was thinking... I'm gonna skip the movie, get some fresh air instead.”

“What? Why? It’s freezing out there.” Mered protested.

Juvia shrugged, but her eyes darted towards Gray.

“Come on,” Lyon said, and reached out to her. He’d been worried about this, and he didn’t want her going back out on her own. Sure the neighbourhood was safe, and Juvia could handle herself anyways, but it was cold, and she’d end up stewing in her own thoughts and this whole thing would get worse. “Look, I know you’re upset, but just come in, and we’ll talk it out.”

“No,” Juvia snapped. She closed her eyes and her whole body sagged. “Look, it’s fine.” She turned to Lyon. “There’s nothing to talk about, I’m just going for a walk.”

Gray let out an exasperated sigh, and started doing his jacket back up. “You know what, why don’t I go instead.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I’m going for a walk. Why do you need to leave?” Juvia demanded.

“Because you’re upset with me, and I don’t like the idea of you wandering around alone, in a strange place.” Gray grabbed the door and took a step to leave, only to have Juvia block him.

“It’s not a strange place, it’s your neighbourhood.”

“It’s strange to you.” Gray sighed, and looked like he wanted to strangle Juvia the way he was glaring at her.

Lyon stepped between them. “Okay, both of you take a breath.” He turned to Juvia. “I get that you want space, but I’m with Gray. I don’t like the idea of you being out there on your own.”

“Why? Because I’m a girl?” Juvia fumed. “I can handle myself.”

“Walked right into that one,” Mered muttered, looking completely unamused. Lyon scowled at him, trying to communicate that, he wasn’t being helpful

“Oh fuck off. Can you not twist this around for once? It’s late, it’s cold, it’s dark, and you have nowhere to go. If I leave can go to Erza’s. I’ll sit on her couch or pass out there, where it’s safe and warm, because I’m not fifty shades of crazy.”

Silence exploded in the foyer. Everyone gaped at Gray. Juvia stood frozen in front of him, and Lyon could see the shimmer in her eyes. Before he could do anything, she turned on her heel and stormed out the door and down the walkway.

“Shit!”

“Juvia!” Lyon called, surging forward to catch up with her. This was bad. So bad. She wasn’t gonna let this shit go, and she’d be livid for days. He stalled to glance back at Mered, a heavy twinge of guilt and disappointment weighing on his chest. He’d been looking forward to spending more time with Mered.

Gray caught his arm, holding Lyon in place. “Don’t bother, I’ve got this.”

Lyon arched an eyebrow skeptically. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“Seriously, I’ll handle it. This has nothing to do with you.”

“This has everything to do with me, she’s my best friend.”

“And Mered’s your boyfriend, who’s here to spend time with you.” Gray sighed and carded his fingers through his hair. “Juvia’s pissed at me, and she’s upset because of me. It should be me dealing with this, not you.”

Lyon shook his head. “And if you piss her off more?”

“Then I’ll call you, and I’ll sleep at Erza’s for the rest of the week, and you can go back to hating my guts,” Gray pleaded. He shot a nervous glance down the street and bounced on the tips of his feet.

Lyon turned to Mered, unsure of what to do.

“Let him go,” Mered said, as he pressed a comforting hand to Lyon’s arm. “You saw what happened when we let everyone else get involved in our spats.”

Lyon grimaced. “Fine. Just don’t fuck this up." Lyon forced himself to take a breath. "Please.”

“Thanks. I’ll text you when I find her.” Gray called back to them in a rush. He was already booking it down the walkway at top speed.

Lyon lingered in the door for a moment longer, before taking a deep breath and shutting it. It was hard to ignore the anxiety bubbling in his chest, but he was now completely alone with Mered for at least a half an hour. His heart picked up speed for an entirely different reason.

Lyon smirked, and looped his arm around Mered’s waist, drawing Mered close so he could lean down and whisper in Mered’s ear. “Come on, let’s go make that popcorn.” He let his arm slip away and sauntered towards the kitchen, and added sway to his hips. He glanced over his shoulder and waggled his eyebrows when he caught Mered staring at his ass.

Mered huffed and shoved past him into the kitchen, only to stop dead in the center of it. “Uh, where do you guys keep the popcorn?”

“That would be over here.” Lyon planted a hand on Mered’s hip and guided him towards the pantry at the end of the counter and pulled out the jar of kernels.

“Dude, no way. You guys make your popcorn from scratch?”

Lyon cackled. “Of course, have you met my mom? There’s no other way to have popcorn.” He bent down and pulled out the popcorn maker from one of the lower cupboards and patted it lovingly. “This thing’s been around long than I have.”

Mered wrinkled his nose. “That’s not necessarily a good thing.”

“It works fine. Stop being a snob and go get some butter.” Lyon plugged the machine in and flicked it on. It came to life with a whirring sound and he poured the kernels into the dumping cup.

“Ooo butter. You’re going all out tonight.”

Lyon scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous, it’s for you and Juvia. Popcorn is one of the few healthy snacks out there, why would I ruin that by covering it in melted fat.”

“Cause it tastes ah-maze-ing. Life without buttered popcorn is sad and not worth living.” Mered slapped an entire stick of butter down beside Lyon, with a smirk.

Lyon pursed his lips and glared down his nose at Mered. He was such a brat, and Lyon wanted nothing more than to wipe that stupid smirk off his cute face. Lyon cupped Mered’s chin with his hand and pressed his lips to Mered’s, he pulled back slightly and repeated the action, moving his lips slowly, but firmly. He flicked his tongue against Mered’s chapped lips, and reveled in Mered gasp, before he pulled away. “Definitely still worth living.”

“Dork,” Mered mumbled. His cheeks were scarlet and he couldn’t meet Lyon’s gaze.

Lyon smirked, and leaned forward. His lips brushed against the shell of Mered’s ear and he whispered, “Your dork.”

Mered squirmed and hummed an agreement as Lyon’s lips traced down his neck, feathering kisses as he went. His hands found purchase on Mered’s hips and Lyon pushed him back towards the counter.

Mered’s whole body went ridged.

Lyon’s lips halted right above Mered’s collarbone, and his hands loosened. He pulled back and tried to catch Mered’s gaze. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Mered eyed the counter, and bit his lower lip. His fingers curled tight around the edge of the counter, until his knuckles were white.

“Clearly.” Lyon took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. He wanted to shake Mered, but that wasn’t going to help the situation. Instead, his thumb traced circles against Mered’s jeans, and he focused on the feel of the rough fabric. He dipped his head towards Mered. “Talk to me.”

“It’s stupid.”

“More stupid than me freaking out about coming out to my parents?”

Lyon was met with silence. His eyes popped open, and locked with Mered’s.

Mered shrugged. “Kinda.”

“Tell me anyways.” Lyon brushed his nose against Mered’s and touched their foreheads together.

“I’m not ready to… you know....” Mered trailed off and his whole face burned red.

Lyon blinked. His eyes crinkled and he had to bite his inner cheek to keep from laughing. It wasn’t a laughing matter, not really, but he couldn’t help it. Mered was too cute. Lyon took another deep breath and dipped his head so he could nuzzle Mered’s cheek, and he wrapped his arms around Mered’s waist. “You know, I like you flustered and a bit nervous, but I’d never actually pressure you for anything.”

“I know, but- I mean- You want to. That’s why you invited me to spend the night, right?”

“I invited you to spend the night because I wanted to spend more time with you,” Lyon said and bopped Mered on the nose.

Mered wrinkled his nose and frowned at Lyon. “Please. You can’t tell me sex didn’t cross your mind.”

Lyon sighed and kissed Mered’s forehead. “Sure it has, but I’m not dying for it.” He pressed another kiss to Mered’s nose. “I’m actually having fun with this.” Another kiss landed on Mered’s cheek. “You’re cute when you get all shy and squirmy.” He kissed Mered’s other cheek then locked eyes with Mered and smirked. “And I love getting to tease you.”

Mered shoved lightly against Lyon’s chest, but he barely got Lyon to budge. “Fuck you, asshole.”

“I love it when you talk dirty.”

Mered gaped at him. “Ugh. You-“ He pressed his lips together and glowered at Lyon. “I hate you.”

“You know I’m just playing with you,” Lyon said, and cupped Mered’s cheek. “I promise, it’s fine.”

“Sure, right now it is. But you be back at college soon and surrounded by experienced guys, who know what they’re doing and-"

Lyon press his finger to Mered’s lips. “And they aren’t my boyfriend; you are. And it’s okay if you feel insecure, I’ll hear you out, but I want to make it clear that I take this whole boyfriend thing pretty seriously. If I didn’t I would have dated one of the guys I was hooking up with.”

“I know, but I can’t help but feel like you’ll get tired of waiting. I won’t see you for months.” Mered slumped against Lyon and rested his head on Lyon’s shoulder.

“Uh, you’ll see me every day. If you think I’m not going to Facetime the shit out of you, you’re crazy. And it’s not like you’re opposed to phone sex, so it’s not like I’ve gotta go without.”

“Oh my god!” Mered buried his face in Lyon’s shoulder to muffle his wail. “Can you be serious?”

“I am being serious.” Lyon placed his hands on Mered’s shoulders and pushed Mered back so he could look him in the eyes. “We’ll make it work. I’m not going to cheat on you, and you don’t need to sleep with me to make sure of that. I’m with you because I like you.”

Mered stared up at Lyon for a long moment before he reached up and tangled his fingers into Lyon’s hair and pulled him down into a bruising kiss. Lyon’s head swam, and it took him a moment to orient himself. His hands found Mered’s waist again. He pressed their bodies flush together, and kissed Mered back will all he had.

When they pulled away Lyon was panting.

Mered smirked up at him. “I like you too.”

Juvia watched as the snow covered ground swayed beneath her, as she swung back and forth on the swing. Her foot occasionally caught the ground and pushed off to keep her momentum but for the most part she just sat there listlessly. Her heart hurt, and the rest of her felt numb with the cold.

She didn’t want to admit it, but Gray might have been right, being out in the cold was just dumb.

Snow crunched under heavy footsteps, approaching from her left. Juvia sighed and closed her eyes, trying to find a measure of calm. She knew he’d come find her eventually, though she was surprised it had taken him so long. Juvia looked up and nearly fell off the swing as she caught sight of Gray standing by the swingset pole closest to her. She clung to the chains, and tried to think of something to say to him. Nothing came to mind so she glared at him instead.

He met her glare, and stuffed his hands into his pockets, he scuffed the toe of his shoe against the ground, and waited. Silence stretched between them, but Juvia was determined not to be the one to break it. He’d come looking for her, so he could say what he wanted or he could leave.

“Lyon was gonna come after you,” Gray said at last.

Juvia’s brow dipped in confusion, before her scowl returned. If Lyon was going to come after her why didn’t he? Did he send Gray instead?

Gray sighed and carded a hand through his hair, and shifted against the bar. “I told him it should be me. That this was between us, and that I’d talk to you.”

“I don’t see what we have to talk about,” Juvia bit back.

Gray’s jaw clenched. “We’ve got a lot to talk about, but if you’re just gonna throw everything I say in my face, then I’m wasting my time trying.”

Juvia shrunk under the hard look he was giving her, and her eyes dropped to her lap. She felt like a scolded child. She took a sharp breath and forced her voice to soften. “What do you want?”

Gray stepped towards her, and Juvia’s head rose to watch him as he approached. He stopped in front of her and pulled his hands from his pockets and gripped the chains of her swing just above her own. He towered over her and despite herself, Juvia felt a bit intimidated. “Why’d you freak out when I told Ultear we weren’t dating?”

“I didn’t freak out.”

“Bullshit. You wouldn’t even let me touch you.”

Juvia glowered up at him, frustrated, but she wasn’t even sure if it was because he was ignorant to her feelings or because he wasn’t nearly as apologetic as she’d expected him to be. She’d figured he’d come here to apologize. “Don’t tell me how I felt.”

“Then stop deflecting. You wanna be pissed, fine, be pissed, but at least have the decency to tell me what the hell you’re mad about. I’m not playing these mind games with you.”

“I’m not the one playing mind games.” Juvia leaned forward pressing into Gray’s personal space. “You’re the one who called me crazy and then came out here, and now you’re being mean and accusing me of things as if I’m the one who did something wrong.”

Gray growled and shook the chains. “You are. You’re expecting me to read your mind and know what’s wrong, and when I can’t and I ask what’s wrong, you blow me off. Get even more mad at me, like that’s some sort of crime. And okay, yes, I shouldn’t have said that, and I’ll deal with it, but not until we deal with the actual issue. Now stop fucking around.”

Juvia stared at him wide eyed. Her heart raced and she tried to shrink back from him. She didn’t know what to say, she wanted to scream at him and deny everything he was throwing at her, but the more she thought about it and actually let his words sink in the more she could understand it from his point of view. She wasn’t trying to manipulate him, but she could see how he’d feel that way. Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes and her throat tightened.

“Shit!” Gray let go of the chains and sprang back from her, as though he’d been burned. “Fuck. Okay maybe that was too harsh. I didn’t mean-“

Juvia shook her head. She brushed her tears away before they could fall. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you were being manipulated, I just thought it was obvious that I liked you. And I thought you liked me too.”

Gray’s expression softened and he rubbed the back of his neck. “I do like you.”

“Then why don’t you want to date me?”

Gray winced and let out a long sigh. He carded his hand through his hair looking distressed all over again.

“Why do you freeze up every time we’re alone together and things might actually go somewhere? Or when I mention seeing you?”

“It’s not every time.”

“It’s most times. Anytime I think we might kiss,” Juvia huffed. “It’s like you’re repulsed by me.”

Gray rolled his eyes. “I’m definitely not repulsed by you, and I only get that way because I know that if I kiss you we’re not going to stop there.”

“So? It’s not like I’m a virgin. I know I’m not exactly comfortable talking about it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not, you know….” Juvia felt heat creeping up her neck and across her cheeks.

“That’s the problem. I know you’re good to go, but I just think that maybe this isn’t something we should rush into.”

Juvia frowned, feeling the harsh twang of rejection all over again. Gray wasn’t the kind of guy who hesitated, which meant that her thought something was wrong with her. “Why not? I want you, you want me. What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with me that you don’t want me?”

Gray groaned and tore at his hair. “You’ve got to be…. Juvia, there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. I just don’t want to rush into bed with you because I actually give a fuck about you. I respect you, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“What does that even mean? How can you say you don’t want to hurt me, but think that means avoiding me?”

“I don’t!” Gray’s chest heaved, as he took long deep breaths. His fists clenched and unclenched as he stood in front of her, clearly wrestling with his emotions. Juvia waited, letting his shoulders fall, and letting him sink onto his haunches in front of her. “I’m not trying to avoid you, I like spending time with you. I’m just trying not to sleep with you, and it’s not easy. I care about you, and I don’t want to fuck this up. I’ve only had one relationship in my entire life, and it was messed. And Lyon told me about Bora, he said you’re fragile.”

“I’m not.”

“You are. You’re insecure too, and quick to anger. You’re emotions are all over the goddamn place, and I’m still picking up the pieces from my last relationship. You’ll be half a country away, and I’ve got hockey and school, and I’m shit at comforting people.”

“I don’t care. I don’t need comfort, I can take care of myself.”

Gray shook his head. “You should care. You should want those things, because you deserve them, any semi decent human being deserves them. The fact that you think you don’t just proves my point.”

Juvia glared at him as her chest tightened. “So what, you don’t even want to try?”

“I didn’t say that.” Gray scrubbed his hand over his face and sent her a pleading look, that rooted Juvia in her seat. “I’m just saying this shit is going to be hard, and I’m freaking out because Daphne fucked with my head, and she did it on purpose. She’d throw fits and threaten to kill herself anytime something didn’t go her way, and I’m not saying you’re that bad, but you do get really pissed off at people when they don’t see things your way.”

Guilt stirred in Juvia’s chest as she thought of all the times she’d snapped at Gray in the last week. She’d never really thought about how he’d feel about it, or that there might be a reason he reacted the way he did.

“I’m not saying you mean to do it, and sometimes you’ve got good reason to get defensive, but other times… like tonight, you just don’t consider anyone but yourself.”

“I’m sorry.” The words fell from her lips and sounded woefully inadequate. But what else could she say? Could she even blame him for not wanting to be with her at this point?

Gray stood, and brushed off the back of his coat. “You don’t need to be sorry, just be aware of it and work on it.” He held out his hand to her. “C’mon, it’s freezing out here.”

Juvia stared at it for a long moment before accepting it. Gray pulled her from the swing, and turned to leave, but Juvia held tight to his hand and refused to budge. He glanced back at her, confused. “What’s up?”

“I still don’t know where that leaves us.” She got that he had issues, and that he wanted to take things slow, but he also said he liked her, and that he was just trying to avoid sleeping with her. It was all really confusing. She knew what she wanted, but Gray was a complete mystery and she needed answers, even if they could crush her.

“As friends, I hope.”

Friends. The word cut like a knife and crushed her chest like a lead weight all at once. She took a sharp breath and tried to breathe through the very blatant rejection. She felt devastated, like a hurricane had torn its way through her heart. She wanted to cry, and to fight him, but if she did she’d just play into everything he’d accused her of. “Okay.” She felt numb saying it.

Gray let out a sigh of relief and smiled at her. “Yeah?”

She nodded, not trusting her voice. Gray stepped towards her and wrapped her in a hug before she could react. His arms wound around her waist and held her tight. It felt like a vice grip, and she struggled to keep her breaths even as she forced herself to hug him back. She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of leather from his jacket and tried to console herself. It wouldn’t be that bad, at least they’d still be friends, she’d still get to see him. She clung a bit tighter when he first started to pull away, but let go a moment later.

Gray locked eyes with her and searched her eyes for something. After a moment he brushed his thumb over her cheek. “Thank you for understanding.”

She nodded again and swallowed hard. “Of course.”

It wasn’t like she had any other options.

As the credits rolled and the ending soundtrack started Mered let out a delighted laugh. “Oh my god. That was awesome.”

“I know, right?” Lyon chimed in, with a childish grin plastered on his face. “Chicago is one of my all time favs.”

“I'm actually looking forward to going to see it now,” Gray said, his eyes still glued to the screen.

“Same! Who knew classic musicals could be so violent?” Mered said.

Lyon scoffed. “A lot classic musicals have at least one death.”

“Yeah, I guess but they're all super depressing. This was fun.”

“Well I'm glad you approve.” Lyon glanced over at Juvia and frowned. “You're awfully quiet considering you just watched our favourite musical of all time.”

Juvia shook her head to clear it and forced a smile. “Sorry, had my head in the clouds for a second.” Truthfully she'd barely watched a second of the movie, not that she hadn't seen it enough times to be able to recite it by heart. Still she'd had a lot to think about, and she'd finally come to a decision on a few things.

“Right.” Lyon's tone suggested he didn't buy it. “It's been a long day, we should all get some sleep.”

“Definitely.” Mered seconded.

The two of them got up and started gathering the bowels of popcorn.

“Oh no, hand those over,” Juvia said and waved for the bowls. “Gray and I are taking care of the dishes.”

“Are we now?” Gray crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at her.

Juvia locked eyes with him, daring him to contradict her. “Yeah we are.”

Gray studied her for a long moment before he shrugged and grabbed Mered's bowl with an exaggerated sigh. “I know better than to argue with you about clean up.”

“That's our cue.” Mered tugged on Lyon’s arm and pulled him back towards the stairs. “Night guys.”

“Night,” Juvia have them both a quick hug and flashed them a smile before heading to the kitchen.

Gray and Lyon called out quick good nights behind her, before two sets of feet climbed the stairs and Gray's thumped towards the kitchen. Juvia had already rinsed her bowl by the time Gray arrived. She handed it to him and took his, while he loaded the other bowl into the dishwasher and grabbed the detergent.

They tidied the rest of the kitchen in silence, each of them sneaking glances at each other. When Gray shut the door and pressed start he turned and leaned against the counter to face Juvia. “You doing okay with everything?”

Juvia nodded and leaned back against the island counter opposite him. She took a deep breath and decided she might as well say what she had to. “I accept that you're not ready to start a relationship at this point, and that there are going to be some things I need to work on before you feel comfortable being with me.”

“Good. I'm glad we're finally on the same page.”

Juvia held up her hand. “I said I accepted it. I never said I agreed with everything.”

Gray’s face fell and he eyed her warily. His body tensed and he folded his arms across his chest. “Okay. What exactly do you disagree with?”

“I don't agree to just being your friend. It’s stupid.”

“You think it’s stupid?” Gray’s jaw twitched. “Well too fucking bad, I said I’m not ready.”

Juvia threw her hands up. “It’s been almost two years, if you’re not ready now, you’re never going to be.” She dropped her hands down to her thighs with a slap. “You said you liked me, and I like you. It’s juvenile to pretend like those feelings don’t exist just because you’re scared of what they might mean.”

Gray drew himself up and glared down at her, and Juvia was sure he was about to storm out of the room. “It’s also juvenile to rush headlong into a relationship you’re not ready for.”

“That's true." Juvia drew in a deep breath. "I'm willing to wait until you’re ready, but I don't want to be just another friend.” Juvia pushed herself off the counter and leaned into Gray’s personal space. “I want you. I want to be with you, and I don’t like having to second guess myself every time we talk, for fear that I’m going to cross some line. I want to negotiate boundaries.”

Gray was caught off guard, and stared down at her blinking. She could see his mind working to process what she’d said.

“Fine.” He held up his hand and raised a finger. “One, we aren’t dating.” He raised another finger. “Two, no sex.” He raised a third finger. “Three, no more mind games or jumping through hoops to figure out what I did to upset you.”

“Okay.” Juvia took a deep breath and leaned back, feeling a bit lighter. “We aren’t dating, but we do like each other, and I’m allowed to act like I like you. I get to say flirtatious things, and I don’t have to hide my feelings.”

“Mildly flirtatious things.” Gray amended. “I don’t want you throwing yourself at me, and I don’t want every conversation to be riddled with innuendos.”

Juvia pouted playfully. “Fine, but if sex is off the table, and I can’t be suggestive, then you need to keep your clothes on.” She poked his uncovered abs to drive home her point.

Gray went beat red from the base of his neck all the way to the tips of his ears. He let his eyes trail over her figure, before locking their gazed. “Kay, as soon as we’re done I’ll go get my shirt, but that rule goes both ways.”

Juvia quirked an eyebrow at him. She was pretty sure she’d kept her clothes on the whole time they’d known each other.

“Incase you get any ideas." Gray paused. "And no more wearing that little black dress of yours either.”

“Really?” Juvia couldn't hide her disappointment about that one, she’d planned on wearing it again to Cana’s.

“Really. I practically jumped you on in here the last time you were wearing it, and that’s when I thought you were dating Lyon. So yeah, no more black dress.”

Juvia glowered at him and crossed her arms in a huff. "Fine."

“Also no more kissing.” Gray added.

Juvia froze at that, and looked up at him in alarm. “No more? Not even one?” New Year’s Eve flashed in her mind and Juvia scrambled to reign in her disappointment. The dress was silly and annoying, but this one hurt. She didn't want admit that though, it might make him feel guilty, and the last thing she wanted was a pity kiss.

Judging by the way Gray's expression softened, and the conflicted look on his face, she wasn’t doing a good job of hiding her feelings.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, but we both know that’s a slippery slope.” He stepped closer to her, and his fingers wrapped around hers as his thumb brushed over her knuckles. “I’m not thrilled about it either, trust me.”

Juvia closed her eyes and leaned into him, letting her cheek rest against his chest. The heat of his skin surprised her and she nuzzled against him. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, or that she didn’t think he wanted her, but she’d been hoping to replace the memory of her last new years kiss with a better one this year. That and she could use some luck.

Gray wrapped an arm around her waist and placed a soft kiss on the crown of her head and murmured into her hair. “I know this isn’t what you want, but thank you. Thank you for being patient with me.”

Juvia swallowed hard and nodded. In her mind she chanted for patience and courage, and told herself it was going to be worth it. Gray was worth it. She sighed and stepped closer, snuggling against him and relishing in the feel of his touch. It was going to be a long semester.

[yeaimfishboi]

Weaved To Light: Wrong Doing

Pairing: SehunxReader

Genre: Supernatural!AU, Angst, Fluff, some future ;)

Word Count: 5.4k (it’s a lot for me omg)

Warning: Death is involved with this and almost every chapter, so pleased be warned. Also with gory details. Foul language included in every chapter

Of course it had to be another bothersome night. Your sleep was restless and your dreams were horrid. All you were able to was fall asleep for 30 minutes at a time then wake up again because of your nightmares. You had finally gotten some sleep, but then you were awoken by a sudden dip in your bed.

You quickly grabbed your gun, threw yourself in an upright position, cocked it, and pointed it at the intruder. Only to find that your best friend picked the lock to your hotel room, and was kneeling right in front of you on your bed.

“Whoa, Nelly. Hold your horses! It's just me!” he yelled throwing up his arms in defense.

“Huang Zitao, you ass,” you shoved him with your shoulder, but not very lightly. You sat there for a few seconds admiring his physique. Just because he is your best friend doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy his face. His thick brown hair that always falls perfectly on his forehead, or his cute little panda eyes that make him look so adorable and squishy. His cute little side smirk whenever he was proved right. You know he’s going to find an amazing woman one day.

“Get off your ass. You’ve got a case,” he said while pulling you off the bed very dramatically.

“Why just me?” you mumbled.

“Cuz your partner is missing, and I’m just tech support,” you knew that you would have to do this by yourself. Without him here it may be a giant mess, but you have to have faith in yourself.

“With no tech at all,” you poked at your best friend’s belly just to tease him. You and Tao had been friends for years. You met when you were about seven years old and him, nine. Your parents had to team up for a case and he was left in your hotel room. You had both been born into this job, and right now he was all you had.

“Hey, just because I use the library doesn’t mean I don’t have any tech. I’m just resourceful,” he shot a cocky grin at you. The only technological devices he ever really used were the library computers. He was a book's type of guy.

“Bullshit. Anyways, what is the case?” You quickly threw on your clothes, and grabbed all your identification.

“Well, according to the police scanner, a young student walked up to the roof of her school, and jumped off. When they found her, her legs were crushed and face mangled,” he stated while eating some of your food.

“That isn't all that special Tao,” you slumped back onto the bed after you realized that this case probably wasn’t worth it.

“There is one catch though, the door to the roof was locked. Also, this is the fifth case this month. The same school, the same injuries,” he butted in.

“A little suspicious. I guess I'll go check it out,” you said grabbing your jacket and keys, then walking out the door.

You arrived at the crime scene, with your nice formal attire.

“Y/FL/N, FBI. I'm here to investigate the crime scene.” You flashed your false badge at the officer by the tape.

“Right this way Ms. Y/S/N,” he lifted the tape and gestured to the crime scene. You investigated the remains of a young girl. Her legs were in shambles, which appears as if she landed directly on her feet, and that's rare enough. On top of that her face was destroyed, which is completely inconsistent with falling.

“What do you think did that to her face?” you asked the medical examiner.

“Honestly, I have no clue, but the other cops are associating it with the fall,” she said looking up at you, really as if she had no clue.

“The county police are saying it's a suicide, aren't they?” you asked bending down to look at the body.

“Yes,” she stated.

You spent a little while longer examining the scene. You went up to the roof only to find a little bit of a black goop on the railing.

“Damn it,” you whispered before heading to the hotel.

You made a small detour to the library before heading back. It seemed that this happened fairly frequently. One every ten years, and it always happened the same week. The first case was a young girl, named Maria, in the 1950s. They found her on the ground face mauled, with weights attached to her ankles. They immediately assumed suicide. At this point you were a little suspicious, but all you knew for sure was that you had one pissed off spirit on your hands.

You collected your research, and drove home for the night. You placed it all on your desk, and immediately flopped upon your bed.

After about 5 minutes of pure relaxation, your phone rang. You knew who it was, that curious little bitch.

“What do you want fucktard?” you asked with an underlying growl in your voice.

“Retract the claws Y/N, is that any way to treat your best friend?” he asked with a dollop of sarcasm.

“Yes,” you paused, “what do you want Tao?”

“Well, did you find out anything regarding the case?” he asked. From what you could tell, it seemed as if he didn't want to do any research.

“Why don't you drag your ass over here?” you spat at him.

“Ah, no can do Stink Bug, not unless you want me to find him.” He used his nickname for you. It always pissed you off, because it could always make you do what he wanted. You got this nickname. When you were kids. You had carelessly picked up what you thought was a beetle, but of course it ended up being a stink bug. You smelt like stink bug for days. Tao hasn't let it go since. You could never figure out why it pissed you

“Piss off, kid,” you blurted.

“So, what did you find out?” This time he was more genuine.

“Well, I sure as hell can tell you that this is weird. The victim’s face is mauled, and her tibia up to her femur is shattered on both legs.”

“Damn that’s painful.”

“Yeah,” you continued, “also when I went to the roof, I found something,” you paused waiting for him to guess.

“What?” he asked.

“Ecto,”

“You found ectoplasm on the roof?” he asked with his typical inquizitive tone.

“Yes, and I found out about the very first-” you were interrupted.

“Wait to tell me all of that when I get there,” he said.

“Oh of course, now you want to help, bring some food!” you yelled into the speaker right before he hung up his end of the conversation.

You sat by yourself for another fifteen minutes thinking about the girl. Lucy was her name. That entire case seemed odd. It doesn’t look like she committed suicide at all. You tracked down her last remaining family member, her younger sister. You decided to visit Lucy’s sister, and ask some questions about Lucy and the case. After doing that you drove back to your hotel and threw yourself on your bed. This was a long day and it was going to be a hell of an exhausting case.

Whilst amidst your pondering you heard a knock at the door. “I’m only opening the door if you bought me a pizza, asshole.” You swung open the door, and encountered someone that sure as hell wasn’t Tao. He was tall, a little lanky, and handsome. He had stunning brown eyes that glistened as he blinked. He had freckles that were littered across his cheeks. His brown hair was perfectly styled, and framed his face wonderfully. “Hello, would you like anything?”

“Hi, this may be a weird question, but are you a hunter?” he asked.

“You mean like the story of Bambi, kind of hunter?” you chortled, “I don’t hunt deers and moose that’s for sure.”

“No,” he kicked his feet across the ground, he’s nervous, “I mean like ghosts, ghouls, vampires, and demons type of hunter.”

‘How in the hell does this man know what hunter’s are?’ you thought. “There is no such thing as ghosts, ghouls, vampires, and demons, sir,” you responded back while shutting the door. He quickly shoved his foot in between the door and the latch in order to stop you.

“I need your help,” he quietly shouted, if that is even possible. He then brought his foot  back to his leg. You stopped dead in your tracks just to hear his words.

“My name is Sehun, but the humans call me Oh Sehun,” Because of his previous statement you realized he wasn’t human. So what was he? Werewolf? Vampire? You then continued to shut the door, but he stopped it again by bringing his hand up to it.

“If you are not human, then what are you?” you exclaimed through your gritted teeth.

“I was born a demon. I’m a full-blood.” That last sentence put you in an immediate state of shock..

“There is no such thing as a full-blooded demon. They are impossible." He flashed a stunning set of dark purple eyes. Just like the lore. This was all impossible, it couldn't be. Wait, you felt something. You felt desperation and sadness. They were coming from Sehun, but you can't feel emotions from anything other than humans. How is all of this possible, a full blood demon and you can feel his emotions? This entire situation felt like a dream, or more realistically a nightmare.

“Believe me now?” Sehun interrupted your thoughts.

“What do you want?” you muttered, still trying to figure out how in the hell you could feel Sehun’s emotions.

“I was given a proposition to finally become human, but the one condition was that I work with you. To fight monsters.” At this point there was so much desperation in his voice that anybody could tell. “The more cases we fight and people we save the more human I become.” You acknowledged that the entire situation was out of the ordinary, and possibly going to kill you, but you decided to give the kid a chance.

“I will give you an opportunity,” you saw his face light up, “but, you must work this one case with me, and if you can prove to me that you're serious, you can work with me. Just don't try too hard on this first case. Deal?” Right now you were really inquisitive as to how this all worked.

“Deal,” you could feel his smugness, but it wasn't the ‘You fell into my trap,’ kind of smug, it was the ‘Now I have to prove myself, and I’m going to blow you away,’ type of smug.

You beckoned him inside, and had him sit on the table.

“My name is Y/N,” you reached your hand out across the table for him to shake.

“Nice to meet you Y/N, so what's this case about?” he asked as he shook your hand.

“A string of suicides that are all eerily similar to one case in the 50s. All of them have their faces mauled and their legs crushed.”

“Ouch. What kind of ghost or monster would do that?” he asked fake wincing.

“Well, there is one caveat to this situation, the ghost leaked ecto,” you sighed dropping your head to your chest.

“What’s ecto?” You immediately face palmed yourself, especially because he seemed serious.

“Ectoplasm,” you responded slightly irritated, but not really because of him.

“You mean that goopy black shit that really angry ghosts leave behind?” he sounded like a child. He was shocked, confused, and all around just odd.

“Yes,” you paused to think heavily, “you haven't been to the overworld much, have you?”

“Not very much,” he admitted, but he still tried to seem as confident as possible. Even though you could see right through him.

“Well then let me get you acquainted with the standard procedures of a hunter,” you boasted while you smiled.

“You make it seem like you guys are special detectives that have to handle evidence a certain way,” he scoffed through his nervousness.

“We basically are, and, see you know some things about the overworld!” you laughed and then nudged his shoulder. He then dropped his head, and shook it while laughing a little.

You continued explaining for a little while, when you heard a knock at your door. It had to be Tao. You stepped out of your seat to get the door.

“Give me a sec,” you turned around and looked at Sehun, “I'll need a few minutes to talk to him, is that ok?” Sehun flashed you a thumbs up, and you continued to the door. You opened it and pushed Tao back.

“What the hell is that for?” Tao blurted.

“I’ve, um,” you kicked at the dirt on the floor. You were trying to figure out a way to explain the fact that you had a demon in your hotel room, that he was a mythical full-blood, and you were now going to work with him.

“Spit it out idiot,” he jokingly spat.

“I've got a new partner,” you muttered.

“But?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. Damn, he knew you all too well. You always bit your lip when there was more to the story.

“What do you mean but? There's nothing else.”

“You wouldn't be so scared with me, if there was ‘nothing else,’” he emphasized the last two words, “and you bit your lip. I know you, Y/N. you can't hide anything from me.”

“He's a full blood,” you responded still kicking the ground with your head down.

“A full blooded what?” he asked pushing you for more information..

“Demon,” you sighed.

“Very funny Y/N, there's no such thing,” Tao laughed.

In the midst of Tao’s laughing, Sehun flung open the door. “No such thing huh?” Sehun immediately flashed his dark purple eyes.

“Sehun, go back inside,” you demanded.

“Whatever,” he scoffed, and slammed the door back behind him.

“What in the hell are you thinking,” he ran his fingers through his hair, “you idiot!”

“Zitao!” your shout made him jolt back around to face you. “I can feel him,” you huffed.

“What do you mean?” he asked with an increasingly curious gaze.

“I can feel every single one of his emotions,” you responded.

“So you mean to tell me, you can feel something that’s not human?” he asked.

“Yes, and I need you to trust me on this. I really feel like he is telling the truth, and“ you stopped your begging, “if I end up dying you can dance on my grave,” you begged again.

“Fine, but I get to stay here for a day, because I cancelled everything to help with this case.”

“Yeah, come in,” you led him inside, and found Sehun checking out some old newspaper clippings you had on the wall.

“I don’t think it was a suicide that first time,” he turned to you.

“I don’t think so either,” you paused, “Sehun this is Tao, Tao this is Sehun.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Sehun extended his hand out for Tao to shake, he then turned back to you, “Y/N, it says she was survived by her only sister. Have you talked to her?”

“Nope, that’s what we are doing tomorrow.”

“Great,” Sehun muttered.

“Let’s all get ready for tomorrow. Sehun can sleep on the other bed, and I guess Tao is stuck with me,” you gestured everyone to their beds.

“Damn it, you always hog the covers, Stink Bug,” Tao returned your teasing from earlier this morning.

“Deal with it. I doubt Sehun wants to share a bed with you,” you shoved him in return.

“He can take my bed,” Sehun had moved away from the bed, “I don’t sleep.”

“Shit, I forgot demons don’t sleep.” Tao had now moved over to the other bed and had fallen asleep extremely fast.

For a while, you just sat there contemplating why you could feel everything Sehun was feeling, it never worked on anything other than humans, so how was it possible. After maybe an hour of pondering your thoughts you had fallen asleep.

You woke up to find Sehun watching TV, or at least figuring out how it worked. He was clicking all the buttons on the remote repeatedly, which cause you to giggle under your breath.

“How does this blasted device work!” he spoke.

“Well a TV, is a device that plays movies and shows through a screen. You use the remote,” you slowly took the remote out of his hands, “to control which channel you want to watch,” you pressed the 1 and 2 button, “like this channel plays the news,” you then pressed 4 and 7, “and this plays Telenovelas, my favourite.”

“Ok so it’s like a compressed movie theater screen, but you can watch multiple things at once,” he half asked, half stated.

“Yes, like a compressed movie theater screen,” he stared up into your eyes for a while, and you could feel his curiosity, “Ok, let’s get ready to talk to the sister, first stop suit, next stop ID, and then lunch!” You and Sehun then left the hotel room.

You two had accomplished everything, and you were now standing outside the sister’s house. You knocked, and then the door opened.

“Mrs. Annabelle Williams, FBI  Agent Y/S/N, and this is my partner Agent Oh,” you said to the woman at the door.

“Agent Oh?” she asked.

“Yes Oh.”

“Oh, okay,” she said. You snickered a little to yourself. You heard Sehun scoff behind you, because obviously the joke wasn’t as funny as you thought it was. “What can I help you with detectives?”

“We are here because of a case that had happened about 60 years ago,” you had responded. Hoping not to trouble the older woman that was standing in front of her. She seemed of hispanic descent, but she was very pale as well. She had volumized black hair that was curly.

“The suicide of Maria Scott,” Sehun butted in. The whole idea of trying not to trouble the woman went out the window with that comment.

“My sister’s death was not a suicide,” she said as she walked outside and shut the door behind her, “it was a cover-up orchestrated by your beloved Sheriff's Department.”

“What do you mean by that ma’am?” Sehun had asked calmly while looking into her eyes.

“Well, what kind of suicide has injuries such as that? Half of her face was abraded away, and her legs were crushed. Suicides don’t just happen like that,” she continued.

“What do you think caused those injuries to your sister?” you asked sympathetically.

“I think she had been knocked out, and then dragged across the roof of the school.”

“What about her legs?” Sehun urged her to continue further, which seemed to trouble the woman more. You felt her become increasingly more anxious.

“Well you won’t find this in the police report, but there were weights attached to my sister’s legs, so she must have landed directly on her feet.”

“That explains the ecto,” you had turned your head slightly and muttered to Sehun.

“Wait, are you guys here about the string of suicides related to my sister’s? I told my daughter it must be a copycat, that’s why she’s there now,” Mrs. Williams butted in.

“Why is your daughter there right now?” you asked.

“She’s the medical examiner on the case, she’s there to collect evidence. She left about ten minutes ago.”

“Well, thank you Mrs. Williams. We have all we need,” you pushed Sehun around and forced him inside your truck.

As you slowly approached your truck, you became increasingly more worried and fearful. You feared you wouldn’t make it in time. You feared you couldn’t stop Maria, and you feared that no one could stop her. The closer you came to the truck the more your heart raced, the more you could feel your veins throb, and the more you could feel every aspect of your body becoming anxious.

“We weren’t done with the questions, and what did you mean by ‘That explains the ecto’?” Sehun asked you while you started the truck.

“I had done some research on Maria a few days ago, but at that point I had no clue what it meant. Maria was bullied all throughout school. Her bully, was the police chief’s daughter,” you slowly pressed on the gas pedal.

“So she’s been trying to avenge her own death?” Sehun asked.

“Yes.”

“Who killed her?” he asked as he grew more worried about the sudden increase in speed within the car.

“The daughter did.”

“How did you find out about it?”

“Because of the weights on her legs, and the fact that there was no report of it means that Mrs. Williams is correct, this entire case was a cover-up,” at this point you became even more worried that you weren’t fast enough.

“Y/N why are you driving so fast?” At this question you had turned to your right to see Sehun gripping everything he could manage.

“Why do you care? If I crash this car, you won’t die.”

“No but it means my mission won’t be accomplished, so I ask again, why are you driving so fast?”

“Maria targets people in power. Lucy was the principal’s daughter. The other victims were either high up in the school, offspring of people in power, or people with respective jobs.”

“Mrs. Williams’ daughter,” Sehun huffed. At that moment you could feel Sehun start to become very anxious.

“She is there at the school, no police officers are there. Which means-”

“She’s the perfect target.” Sehun muttered. After that comment you pulled your phone out of your pocket and typed in Tao’s number. You could feel time going slower. The rings pounded in your ear while Tao didn’t pick up the phone. It felt like 10 minutes before it went to voicemail. You tried again immediately after, this time it felt even slower. Each heartbeat feeling miles apart. You felt the vibrations from the speaker roll to the back of your brain and resonate there, until you felt the raucous click of Tao finally answering.

“You beckoned, Stink Bug?” he answered sarcastically.

“I need you to get off your ass right now and go to River View Cemetery and salt and burn Maria’s bones,” you panted out at him, the closer you drove to the school the more sick you felt.

“She’s an ectoplasmic ghost, we’re going to need more ammo than that.”

“Well I DON’T FUCKING KNOW. I’m currently driving 15 miles over the speed limit to save someone’s dumb ass. So you are going to have to find out what else you need to get rid of her.”

“Y/N, you need to breathe. I know this is your first case without him, and you’ve the almighty Oh Sehun tagging along as well. I know it’s hard without him, especially now that you have someone tailing you who has no fucking clue what he’s doing. What you need to right now is breathe. You are more than capable of saving the day. You’ve fought hundreds of cases like this before. I will talk to the sister and get the item we need. You go save the day,” and that was when you heard the cacophonous silence that meant Tao had ended the call. Somehow that little pep talk your best friend gave you made you feel so much better and so much more composed.

After what seemed like an aeon, you veered parallel to the school, and slammed on your brakes. “Get out of the car and follow me. Do not leave my side,” your voice became rigid, as you commanded Sehun to not mess anything up.

“You act as if this is my first rodeo, Y/N.”

“I know you can handle yourself, but it’s the girl I’m worried about. If,” you turned to face him and pushed your finger into his chest, “you fuck this up in any way, and we lose her. Just watch me.” He threw up his arms in defense and slowly turned himself away from you. You slowly walked towards the old brick building that towered over you, and entered the opening. Within two steps you stopped in your tracks.

“What in the bloody hell are you doing?” Sehun grabbed you by your shoulders and flung you to face him with an abysmal amount of force. “You are literally wasting time right now. We have an entire six story school to search for her!”

“Shhh,” you closed your eyes as you pressed a finger to his lips, “I’m trying to focus,” and so you did. You ceased every sense in your body. You focused on the one thing you needed, and you could feel it. Fear. Pain. Regret. Consolation. Even denial. The feeling of upcoming death. You could feel everything, it wasn’t very strong, yet somehow you could pinpoint where it was coming from.

Your eyes shot open, and your head jerked up. “Roof. She’s on the roof.” You immediately started running toward the exit to the roof where you had found the ectoplasm.

You had reached the stairs when Sehun blurted out, “How did you know?”

“What do you mean?” you asked as you opened up the door to the stairs that led to the roof.

“I mean how in the hell did you find her, especially that fast,” he grasped your wrist before you could start running up the stairs.

“Long story. Just run. Now!” you yelled as you started sprinting, but each step you got closer to the girl, the more pain you felt. The closer you got the more her emotions plagued at you. Even with her emotions getting stronger, you still pushed yourself to get each step in order to reach her. You got closer and closer until you reached the upper door. You swung it forward and ran outside. You found the girl being dragged by her legs towards the edge of the building. You ran towards her and swung your staff at the ghost. You watched as the ghost dissipated into the air. “Wrought iron, bitch,” you panted. You hadn’t thought this far at all. You thought Tao would’ve had Maria gone by this point. You knew that at this point all you had was your quick wit. “Sehun, I need you to get her out of here as fast and far away as you possibly can,” you pulled a knife out of the holster attached to your belt loop, “take this. If my plan doesn’t work and she shows up, use this ok?” He just nodded in response and walked over to the girl’s helpless body. He picked her up and ran to the door. Before he entered the stairwell, he turned to face you. He gave you a look that asked if you were sure about the decision you were making. You nodded slowly, and he ran down the stairs. You were now alone.

“Come get me bitch!” you yelled into the air. Within moments you felt a slight gust of wind near your neck. You gripped your staff towards the lower half, and whirled it backwards towards the feeling. “Oh come on, you’ve got to try harder than that, Maria. I’m sure you can do better.” At this point all you could do was taunt Maria in order to get her focus on her and not the two downstairs.

You heard her chuckle from behind you. You turned to see her drop her head to her shoulders. You gripped your staff and started running towards her. All of a sudden you were flung backwards onto your back, and your staff was at least ten feet to your right. As you went to sit yourself up, Maria grabbed your hair and dragged you closer to the edge. You knew in mere moments your body would be thrown over the edge to fall to your doom.

“Coward!” you yelled trying to appeal to the little bit of humanity she had left while trying to wriggle your head out of her grasp, “You are going to kill me just like they did to you. Where is your creativity. Fight me. If you don’t it’s just a cheap win, isn’t it?” You felt your head slam into the ground. You could hear the gravel being disturbed underneath you as your head made contact.

You felt your head get picked up by your hair again but this time you felt your head being repeatedly slammed into the ground. You could feel the gravel abrade your skin. You could smell the freshly surfaced clay. The taste of iron filled your mouth. As this continued, an idea popped into your head. Iron. You knew it would hurt but at this point you didn’t care. With all the force you could muster in your body, you flipped your body, and spat the blood the blood in her face. You watched her turn into mist before your very eyes.

You feebly stood up and walked yourself over to your staff, as you recognized that this wasn’t over. You were so close, when you were thrown onto the brick wall that held up the door to the stairs. You tried to fight the force that Maria was using, but it failed to accomplish anything. Using this same force, Maria picked you up and slammed you on the ground. You ended up sliding across the gravel so hard that your head hit the ledge of the building.

Maria then appeared in front of you, staring you dead in the eyes. With this look Maria gave you, you conceded. You closed your eyes. You knew it was over. Your only hope was off, saving the other girl. Your only hope.

You opened your eyes to find that Maria was gone, and that a hand was held out in front of you. You grabbed it and you were pulled up to meet... Sehun.

“You didn’t think I wouldn’t come back for you, did you?” he asked with a half cocked smile.

“Just a little bit,” you said as you started to wrap your arms around his waist. When he responded to your gesture, you pulled out the shotgun attached to his back, and shot Maria with a salt bullet.

“Oh,” Sehun muttered.

“Sehun,” you paused, “get ready to fight.” You both had turned back to back and fought Maria as she continued jumping in both of your paths. 30 seconds passed when, Sehun had dropped the staff and was flung across the roof, and your head was over the edge of the building. Maria had a hand pressed against your throat and she kept pushing harder and harder. You could feel your airways close, and your breath shorten. Time slowed as you tried gasping for air, and all of a sudden Maria was gone.

You raised yourself to see Sehun still on the ground, on the other side of the roof. At that point in time, you allowed yourself to fall to the ground. Tao had done it, Maria was gone. You were slowly catching your breath when you heard someone say, “You’re not too injured? I don’t have to carry you down the stairs right?” Sehun reached out his hand to help you up again.

“It’s all cosmetic.” you chuckled as he pulled you up off the ground for a second time that night. You picked up the shotgun and staff, and walked down the stairs. Suddenly you realized something. “Where’s the girl?”

“She’s probably still sitting up against a column near the main entrance.” You immediately started running to the front of the building. You saw the girl standing herself up, you ran over and helped her, but you immediately sensed her fear.

“Don’t worry, she’s gone. She’s gone,” you repeated to her.

“Thank you so much,” she huffed.

“It’s just our job Miss,” you paused emphasizing the last part of your sentence.

“Ortega,” she responded.

“We were glad to help, Miss Ortega,” Sehun had finished.

“I do have one question before you go,” she asked, “does that mean you aren’t with the FBI, and you fight ghosts?”

“Yes,” with this response she left, and so did the both of you.

A/N: I apologize for taking so long!!! This chapter was about a month in the making, writing it took a total of 18 hours and editing took 6. So give this series a lot of love!! Also special thanks to @iamjungkooked for helping me with some ideas to get this out on paper.To @viparmytrash22 and @kpopstarsreact for always being there for me when it comes to this story, whether it be editing or chapter titles, or even character description! I love you all so much!!! And the mutual featured in this chapter is... @amazethemaze!!! She is mentioned quite a few times throughout this chapter! I hope you like it!! i love you all have an amazing day/night!!!

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