#Fiona learn boundaries

[lilithyvenus]

how your life is changing subtly - pick a picture

hiya 🌺 i hope you're well today. i find myself very jaded about life often, particularly in regards to things not going well, despite the universe being there for me. it is normal and absolutely okay to be angry with your higher power – you are human and they know anger is a healthy emotion, we're the ones who choose to demonize it. if you couldn't be angry with someone who supposedly loves you to keep their love, that would quite literally be an abusive relationship. disillusionment is expected, but you can't let yourself dwell in it longer than necessary.

while things can feel stagnant, we all know from experience that change is a slow process. rather than dwell on why it hasn't happened yet, this reading serves to look closer at and quite frankly, to stop minimizing your small progress.

to book a reading, message me directly. for $15, i answer two questions directly with additional cards pulled for advice from your guides, as well as a playlist of channeled songs and other media.

group one

your cards: two of cups + knight of wands + ten of pentacles

your channeled songs: you make loving fun by fleetwood mac + matrimony ii by tennis + better version of me by fiona apple

you are bringing yourself closer to healthy, fulfilling love with every fuckboy you refuse to engage with further than necessary. it may seem like love is evading you, but you're strengthening your boundaries and constantly reminding yourself through not settling that real, unconditional love exists out there and even if it doesn't, you are deserving of being seen fully and not just as a sexual object. you may dismiss your efforts because you do still entangle yourself with them, and that doesn't minimize your progress. you are able to see it for what it is now, in a way you didn't before you consciously chose real love over performing for unmoving backs. you go through the inevitable heartbreak with much more ease now because you realise that it's not the end. and honestly, if you've grieved one fuckboy, the ones that come after are light work. it may be more difficult to tell when they're good people now because unfortunately, these no-good creatures evolve, so even the wittiest, smoothest person can still turn out to be awful. but you're evolving too, and it says a lot that you're dealing with better devils, so to speak.

group two

your cards: ten of pentacles + judgment + the world

your channeled songs: luxurious by gwen stefani + it's my house by diana ross + in my life by the beatles

with every conscious decision you make to prioritize your physical well being, you bring yourself closer to feeling more at home in your body. it's not that you're not feeling and seeing results of your efforts, you just feel like it's an endless road. you're learning it's a lifestyle choice and it really does mean being able to honour your humanity – you can slip up or have off days, and that doesn't undo all the work you've already done. you're learning to enjoy taking care of yourself, no longer as a euphemism for weight loss. you're much stronger than you were before, and you need to acknowledge that more often. it's a bit tricky to keep on with it as a lifestyle because the novelty of change has work off, but every conscious decision you make that prioritizes your health in the long run is genuinely you living this "new" life of comfort.

group three

your cards: ace of swords + king of swords + the empress

your channeled songs: army of me by bjork + eartha by jamila woods + defying gravity (cynthia's version. the context of daring to be vocal when you're meant to be marginalized and silent is being emphasized here. of course that's the case with the other versions, but a Black woman singing that song adds a new layer to the themes of the story)

you are making yourself feel safer with speaking up and sharing your truth. you may be unsure about your progress because it does feel uncomfortable every time you do it, but the fact that you still choose action every time IS the progress. internally, you're honouring the value of your voice and your personhood. your attempts are clumsy and aren't as effective as you'd like them to be, but you will eventually achieve grace because you're committed to trying, every chance you get. additionally, now that you're indirectly validating yourself and your thoughts by trusting your need to speak up, you are less likely to speak when it's not necessary because you're learning to listen more. you may have a path where your words and voice will heal others, and this is your practice. every time you speak up, remember that you're showing up for a version of you that thought silence would make survival easier.

[half-dead-writer]

Author's Note

Scourge might be a bit OOC here, I dunno. First time writing him lol Also let's go the boring way and say Scourge spent some time in jail before being let out for good behavior. He's still an edgehog and asshole but he's aware he can't just go out ordering people around. He's an acquired taste.

And here's me once again changing the fandom for my fics woops

House Party

You and Scourge have a good time at Sonic's party.

character: Scourge The Hedgehog (Sonic The Hedgehog) words: 3,588 reader: gender-neutral warnings: loosely written cuz it's my first sonic fic and i can do what i want, brief Sonadow and Rougamy, briefest angst by the end cuz I wanted to explain why Fiona's not here

Scourge being attendant of Sonic's houseparty was a surprise to say the least. It's true he changed, at least a bit, but you couldn't blame anyone for not forgiving him yet, still treating him with understandable wariness. Scourge didn't really care. He mostly entertained the invite just because it was something to kill the time, free booze and snacks included. The visible negativity reflecting in the other guests' eyes served him some sort of pride, reminding him of his previous days of glory, even if it was a stretch. He didn't mind being an outcast. He didn't. And the biggest factor for him to come. You were also at the party.

You and him had some history. Mostly consisting of him getting on your nerves. It was a playful banter, at least in his mind. He tested your limits, but never pushed hard enough to cross a line. With this dynamic, he was drawn to you every chance he got. Some teasing here and there, not respecting personal space, typical Scourge flirting techniques. But it wasn't serious. You noticed he was a flirt, and as far as you knew, he was dating Fiona. There was no way Scourge was serious, and both of you knew that. The alternative was Scourge cheating on Fiona, with you, which was an even worse option. You were not gonna be a side piece.

After Scourge got out of jail, and he got properly reintroduced to the group, he expected you to look at him with the same disapproval others had shown him. Who else was he, if not a criminal, after all? But, to his surprise, although your demeanor was reluctant and a bit awkward after not seeing each other for so long, there was no disgust or fear while interacting with the green hedgehog.

You were a very patient person, he came to realize. At first, he saw it as a weakness, someone easy to exploit and endure his antics, but you made sure to show him it wouldn't be easy. You still had some backbone, and made it pretty clear you were not gonna deal with his bullshit. He took the hint, even though it mildly bruised his ego. He couldn't unleash his rage on you, as much as he'd like in that moment. He was supposed to be in control, always. But the years spent in jail proved that the tables may turn on him just as well, and he wasn't gonna learn this lesson again. Fortunately for him, a bit of respect got him a long way. As long as he kept in mind your boundaries, you didn't hold any ill will towards him. You treated him like an equal. It was still hard to admit he saw you as a friend, but he could at least say you were his ally.

So, naturally, as soon as he arrived at Sonic's house, his objective was to find you. Moving through the party crowd like a snake slithering to it's prey, he spotted you, leaning against a wall, cradling a red cup in your hands. You didn't seem particularly bothered, probably just recharging away from all the ruckus. Your attention shifted to him as soon as the green blur came into your view.

"Oh, hi," you turned to face him, a friendly, relaxed grin adorning your lips. Even though Scourge was far from being a good influence, he was still a welcome sight. More often than not, you found him entertaining, which kept your opinion of him in a somewhat positive light.

"I see your majesty has decided to bless us with his presence tonight." You tried to joke lightheartedly. In the recent days you opened up to the hedgehog a lot, letting your silly side shine through a bit more. It was a regular occurrence for you to banter back and forth, just like the old times, except this time it had a lot more comradery than the tasteless flirting in the past. It was actually pretty enjoyable, a game of push and pull.

"All hail the king, baby." He bared his sharp teeth in a content smirk, deciding to join your side, his body leaning against the wall next to you. "Couldn't leave you to enjoy the party by yourself now, could I? It'd be mighty boring for everyone here." His gaze focused intently on the item in your hands, before he made an attempt to swipe it out of your grasp. You looked at him as he sniffed the cup, appalled expression on your face. He still had his past audacity, but you couldn't say you didn't expect it. You noted he only acted this way with you. He didn't actually have the balls to start anything with people who still obviously didn't trust him. Seemingly, he trusted you enough to tolerate his brash behavior.

"Hey, that's mine." You argued, crossing your arms in a petty display of annoyance.

"You already had your share, I just arrived." He scoffed, offended. Although he didn't let go off the stolen cup, he looked at you for a moment, as if asking for a silent permission. You didn't care that much for the leftover alcohol in there, so with an exasperated sigh, you let your arms fall down, choosing to just ignore it. He took it as a green light, gulping the liquid in one quick swoop.

"Of course you'd be drinking the weakest shit in here. Was there even any alcohol in it, or was it just a soda?" His shit-eating grin was just a bit less mean than the ones he gave you before his time in jail. It was his way of showing you his jab wasn't that serious.

"You got it for free, and you're still complaining?" You quipped back, one eyebrow raised to show how unamused you were. You heard a chuckle in response.

"Let's get you some real booze, eh?" He backed off the wall, heading to the nearest table that held the desired drinks.

In no time, you found yourself enjoying the time spent with Scourge. It became even more bearable with a few shots of vodka. Laughter filled the room when you and him came up with the stupidest jokes, probably bothering anyone within your earshot. And much to Scourge's surprise, with you around, he didn't even think of the party as a waste of time. Caught in a good mood, you two were open to joining the game the others had set up.

A different take on spin the bottle. It starts with a group of people sitting in a circle, with one person throwing the bottle into a whirl, forcing it to reveal the partner for the real game. The game of jenga. The loser would have to tell the truth, or do a dare, depending on which one they chose. Of course, a game of jenga would seem boring in comparison to the kissing game, but the alcohol coursing through everyone's veins made the show very entertaining. The rivalry born from this competition would probably stay with both opponents even after the party ended.

Shadow lost against Sonic. He chose dare, not trusting Sonic to choose an adequate question. His dare consisted of eating a chili dog. He wasn't thrilled about it, but done the challenge with dignity. Sonic had the biggest grin when he said the food was acceptable. Another duo was Amy and Rouge. The tough battle chose Amy as the loser, and the pink hedgehog chose the truth. The bat's eyes shone with mischief as she whispered her question to Amy, who's cheeks became as rosy as her last name. Amy revealed her answer, too quiet for anyone but the bat to hear it. Rouge passed you the bottle and then shifted her attention back to the coy Amy.

You were prepared to beat anyone in this room, hoping the luck would be on your side this time. When the bottle stopped perfectly on Scourge, you were met with the biggest, competitive grin.

"Don't think I'm gonna go easy on you." He didn't bother hiding his determination, blue eyes shining with newfound purpose.

"We'll see about that." You rebuffed, feeling a smile forming on your lips.

The battle was long, but eventually, the wooden blocks chose to betray you, ruining the pretty long tower with a dissatisfying sound. Scourge howled with laughter, his smug expression only infuriating you more. The cheap cologne assaulted your nostrils as he got closer. "Well, would you look at that. I won."

"Yeah, yeah, don't let it get to your head." You rolled your eyes, but the gesture wasn't that serious. He snickered to himself, obviously enjoying his victory.

"So, what shall it be?" His tone turned sickeningly sweet. "Truth, or dare?"

By now you had at least half of the room's attention on you. Being stuck between choosing a truth or dare from the green hedgehog was probably considered some form of torture by the other participants. Who knows what embarrassing things could Scourge come up with? Thinking over your options, you felt daring today. The booze made you let loose, naively hoping Scourge's dare wouldn't totally destroy your reputation. You had hoped the time spent with him proved something, that he wouldn't just throw you under the bus like that, just to get a chance to one up you.

"Dare." You said, nonchalantly. Some gasps were heard in the crowd, people obviously wondering whether you had lost your mind. Scourge, on the other hand, was positively intrigued by your bravery. He hummed in thought, resting his chin between his fingers.

"A dare, huh?" His smug look made you doubt your choice of words. "Alright. I can work with that." He got back into his sitting spot, stretching his legs as he plopped onto a pillow, giving some semblance of comfort against the hard ground. You followed his actions with your gaze, his ominous silence only fueling your curiosity about the challenge.

"I dare you to sit on my lap throughout the rest of the game." The words slid effortlessly off his tongue. His sight reamined on you, gauging your reaction. You couldn't deny, it was a bold request, but he could've gone with way worse.

Making your way to him with dignity, you wordlessly took a spot on his lap, not caring much to hold back your weight. He wanted it, after all. Scourge was positively surprised at how easy it was for him to get his wish. Making yourself comfortable, you leaned your back against his chest. You didn't expect him to be so warm, and actually pretty cozy. A pair of arms wrapped around you unexpectedly, keeping a solid but comfortable grip around your waist. The game continued, the guests mostly ignoring the uncanny display after they got their share of appalled looks.

Rest of the game went pretty smoothly. The bottle kept making rounds, throwing next challenges to both you and Scourge, each taking on different participants. But after each "tournament", both of you returned to your previous position. None of you really addressed what's going on between you two, silently enjoying your current circumstances. Scourge went as far as lazily leaning his chin against your shoulder as he judged the other competitors, an action that should probably bother you a lot more than it did. Somehow, it felt comforting.

After everyone had their turn at least twice, the party began to slowly die down. Exhaustion seeped into everyone's muscles, resorting to some of the people ending the night earlier, heading off to sleep. You and Scourge were one of the few people awake, still entangled in the now casual embrace. The elephant in the room made itself known as soon as the last few participants got up to get hydrated, leaving to their own sleeping spot. You knew you should probably get up, but the current position felt so nice, you didn't wanna let go.

Scourge was the one who broke the spell, muttering lazily into your ear. "I need to get a smoke."

Taking the hint, you got up. He did so as well with some trouble, losing balance in the process. You were inclined to give him a hand for support, but he managed to find his footing pretty quickly. You never thought you'd consider a drunk hedgehog this adorable.

As soon as you crossed the border to the outside, you felt the wind pass you by in the most uncomfortable sensation. Ignoring the goosebumps appearing on your skin, you leaned onto the nearby railing, waiting for Scourge to dig out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He passed you the pack in a silent offer. You took it.

He was courteous enough to light up your cigarette. You blew the smoke onto the cold air, briefly hugging your body with one arm in attempt to fend off the chill. Scourge leaned against the railing next to you, observing the visible puff of your breath mixed with the smoke. The night was quiet, the music now almost completely stopped. Not a word was spoken between you two, but it was a comfortable silence. You knew you were gonna look back on this memory fondly. Well, as fondly as you could with the cold distracting you at the moment.

Scourge seemed to notice your problem, the way your body shivered, along with your attempt to downplay it. It was nothing, you could handle it.

That was until you felt the familiar warmth creep up your side again, with Scourge's arm pulling you closer, letting you use his body as a personal heater. You wanted to comment on it, opening your mouth to come up with some witty quip, but there was nothing. You were left... kind of speechless. Such a small gesture, yet it spoke a lot about the progress in your relationship with the hedgehog. It wasn't to make a point, to start another bickering session. He simply... cared enough for you not to freeze. Which warmed your heart more than your body. Scourge's expression was left ambiguous, almost as if he didn't register his action at all. As if it was normal. Despite Scourge's hopes of you not commenting about it, his ear turned your way as soon as he heard your voice.

"...I see you're getting cold." You started, hoping it didn't sound too accusatory. It was a lighthearted remark, one to show that you were fine with the situation. He merely scoffed, taking a second to think of a response.

"You got it for free, and you're still complaining?" He looked for your reaction, obviously using your previous words. You couldn't help but chuckle, leaning closer into his embrace. Scourge's grip on you became less tense as he felt you accepting his touch.

"That's not a complaint," you clarified after taking a drag out of your cigarette, blowing the smoke the other way. "I'll take what I can get."

Scourge couldn't deny he felt a spark of affection towards your way, seeing how your features softened in an earnest smile. You were enjoying yourself, shamelessly. He was almost jealous of how carefree you looked.

"Well, enjoy it then." He puffed the smoke away, his tone almost somber. The energy has also drained from him as well, turning him into a somewhat mellowed out version of himself. Sleep was threatening to overtake him any minute now, which is why he wasn't as high alert as usual. He was actually honestly relaxed, the need for being in control swept away by the wave of exhaustion. It probably didn't count as pure relaxation, but the way he had you in his grasp just felt right. No strings attached, it seemed.

One fact had managed to slip your mind up until this point. What happened to Fiona? You realized too late you spoke your thoughts out loud, hearing a displeased grunt from the previously content Scourge. It was obviously not a topic he wanted to expand on, but you had no way to take it back.

"We broke up." Scourge muttered, a hint of his usual bite returning for just a minute, until it was covered by an uncaring facade. His grip on you tightened for a second, signalizing it was probably a very sour experience. I mean, they were pretty much codependent on each other. You couldn't imagine how rough it must've been, with everything else that has been on his plate.

"Oh." Was all you managed to say, regretting bringing the topic up.

"Not something I wanna think about it." He said, a feeble attempt to hide the flaring defensiveness. His expression was not betraying much, and at the same time disclosing a lot. The memory obviously brought back some pain that he'd rather not get into. That was fair. "Not when I managed to finally catch some break this month."

"Yeah, don't worry, I ain't gonna push. Uh, sorry for bringing it up." You reassured him, only getting an acknowledging, quiet grunt in response. A minute of tense silence passed by, and you began to worry you managed to break the mood of this so far pretty successful party, until you felt his body leaning against you. His chin rested on your shoulder once more, his chest pressed against your back, just like it did during the jenga wars. He sighed heavily through his nose, inevitably inhaling some of your scent. It was mixed with the alcohol and cigarettes, but it was still distinctively of you. The smell was comforting, although he would never admit it.

"I'm tired the fuck out. Wanna hit the hay?" He turned his head to you, your faces mere inches away. His tone might have sounded disinterested, but there was also a certain softness to it. The tired rasp in his voice was soothing, a big difference to his usual spunk. You knew not a lot of people got to experience Scourge in this state. You were lucky.

"Yeah," you nodded simply, going back to the warm house. Both of you were exhausted, your sole objective to find anywhere to sleep. You haven't really discussed the details beforehand, leaving you to search for any place that wasn't occupied by the already sleeping guests. Fortunately, you noticed the host.

"Oh, hey, still awake?" Sonic chimed in, his tone friendly but also obviously tired.

"Not for long," you started, offering a smile in return. "Got any free space to sleep?"

"Oh, um..." He looked around the place, his thought process visible out in the open. "Let's see..." He sped off to get some pillows and blankets, putting them on the carpet. It was an unoccupied corner near the wall. Small and slightly further away from the other guests.

"Sorry, the best spots are already taken." He pointed at the couch, housing at least 3 other mobians in there.

"Anything works, really." You laid down on the soft (as much as it could be) ground, your sore muscles getting a rest from being up all night. Scourge's sight jumped from you to Sonic, his brow raised in an obvious question.

"And where do I sleep?" He asked bluntly, not bothering to sugarcoat his question. Sonic did not have that privilege yet.

"You're sleeping here." You stated, sure of yourself, moving your body to make some space. You were way too tired to care. Scourge, even if surprised, didn't show it. His knees bent on their own and in no time he was laying next to you, his eyelids threatening to close any minute. Sonic, noticing he wasn't needed anymore, offered a sleepy goodnight and headed to his bedroom. Scourge grumbled something in return, but it was hardly a goodbye.

Finally having a moment to rest, you recalled all the good times from tonight, slowly succumbing to slumber. Your hazy train of thought was disrupted by Scourge's quiet rasp.

"Guess all I needed was some alcohol to get you to sleep with me." You didn't even have to open your eyes to sense his stupid grin. You scoffed, but a smile occupying your lips betrayed you weren't about to reprimand him.

"I expect you to take me to dinner afterwards." You replied with your own playful remark, hearing him barely stifle the chuckle to not wake up the others.

"Oh, you're expecting a lot then." He quipped back, rotating his body to face you. Opening your eyes, you could barely make out his amused features in the dark, but the close proximity definitely helped. Somehow, it didn't push you away. It made you want to get even closer. Not commenting on your actions, you scooted closer, deciding that Scourge's chest was way comfier than the old pillow Sonic gave you. You didn't miss the way his breath hitched when your arm carelessly fell on his waist.

"You sure you haven't drank too much tonight? The hangover's gonna be a hell of a bitch to deal with tomorrow." He teased, trying to regain some confidence in his voice. He did enjoy the superiority he felt in the current circumstances, but this territory was unknown. Usually people recoiled in disgust, not willingly crawled up to him.

"You sure you wanna ruin the moment?" You were too tired for your casual bickering, resorting to painful bluntness, sure that it would shut him up.

It did.

After concluding he did not have a valid response, defeated, he resorted to putting his arm loosely on your side after a cynical chuckle.

Whether you knew it or not, Scourge considered this night a win.

[callivich]

@dazzle02 was looking for fics from Ian’s POV. This got me rereading some Ian POV fics I love and then I went down a rabbit hole. I thought I might as well do a rec list. So here’s some of my favourites and some newly discovered gems- it’s a mix of AU and canon divergent/compliant. Enjoy! 💖 If I get some time, I’ll do a Mickey POV list too!

I hit the link limit with this first post so there’s a reblog with more, don’t miss that. I’d love to know everyone’s favourite Ian POV fics so feel free to reblog with your own recs!

Map of the World by westernredcedar

Ian Gallagher knows a lot of geography.

Intro to Quantum Dating by @spoonfulstar

another college au

Everything About You by @gallavichy

Retelling of Like Real People Do from the perspective of Ian. In hopes of saving for his future, Ian Gallagher works nights on kestrel, an iOS app specializing in paid sex services. The rules there are pretty simple: appeal to your clientbase, build fantasies, and maintain appropriate boundaries. This is the story of how Ian breaks every damn rule and falls in love with Mickey Milkovich.

Darkness comes before the Dawn by @creepkinginc @ian-galagher @transmurderbug

Frank's done it again and this time, his actions have consequences in the form of a curse. How to break it is a mystery, as is the quiet, raven haired stranger that shares the woods with Ian. If they want to survive, they have to learn how to make darkness and silence go hand in hand.

hysteria by serenfire

Ian throws the first punch.

oh, deceiver, is it worth it? by segs

ian thinks he'll want to remember this forever, even though he won't.

What Goes Up by ArtsyAfrodite

He’d sling Appletinis tonight for the big tips, and dance on the diamonds he saw in the floor. He glued a smile over the sadness that long settled in the freckles you could barely see now. But he was happy, he was.

Just Enough Time by osointricate

Ian thought he knew what was coming, but he had no idea. This is Ian's point of view on his bipolar disorder.

this is the essence of love and failure by misandrywitch

“You’re sick,” Mickey says. “Hospital,” Mickey says. And your body is numb and your heart is breaking and you run.

put my faith in this hole in the ground by @gardenerian

He stands at the plot for a while before he begins working. This is it. After weeks of internet searches and sketches in his notepad, it’s time to put it all into action. Ian closes his eyes against the afternoon sun, breathes in the smell of dirt and greenery. Thinks about that giver of dreams. Opens them, squeezes the trowel in his hand. He works. He works well. And then: there it is. A goal accomplished. A beginning.

a mountain at my gates by @gardenerian

Ian loves serving cold gin and champagne to the laughing flappers that visit his family's speakeasy. Even as the Gallaghers struggle to build an empire, he thinks the only thing missing is a lover to dance with. Desperate to get out from under his father's thumb, Mickey sets out to undermine the already thriving Milkovich empire. Tasked with taking the Gallagher operation out, Mickey knows to expect violence and danger. But he never could have expected Ian.

to the thawing wind by @gardenerian

Living and working in the icy chill of an endless winter, Ian and his family are assigned to work the farms to bolster food supply. They live quietly enough, following the rules, until Mickey and Mandy Milkovich (with all their secrets) are moved in across the road.

pulling a fiona by littlemoretouchme

"Pulling a Monica. What a fucking joke. His whole life, he’s been pulling a Fiona." [Small moments between Ian and Fiona over the years, based off Cameron Monaghan saying "Fiona and Ian, who were, in many ways, the most stable components of the family… they were the ones who were consistently employed and taking care of people… are now the least stable."]

The Shirt by AlyCalypso

Ian wears Mickey's shirt by accident the first time. But then he wears it again, and again.

Not Your Mother's Love Story by orphan_account

Alternate S7 ending. The phone dinged. Missed call. Ian waited to see if there was a voicemail. He didn't know if he was going to listen to it, if Mickey left a voicemail. Part of him thought he kind of owed it to Mickey. Part of him was sure that if he heard Mickey's voice one more time, if he remembered the way he sounded when he said Ian's name, he was going to fall right back into everything he was trying to escape. There weren't any more dings. No voicemail. Nothing. It should have made Ian feel better.

Selfless Acts of the Illegal Variety by @abundanceofnots

The last thing Ian Gallagher thought he'd be at 19 is married—and to a grumpy Ukrainian bouncer called Mickey who's barely said ten words to him since they first met, no less. But when a rare chance at love knocks on your door, you don't just send the cute guy in dire need of a green card back to his homophobic father in Kyiv, right?

Undead Agents of Chaos by @abundanceofnots

Ian is fourteen when he discovers a comic book series called Undead Agents of Chaos. It’s going to take years before he’ll know what it’s like to lose a heart. First, he has to find out how it feels to have it beat out hard against his ribcage as he stands on the corner of a street, having just produced the most embarrassing sound of his life. It all starts with an unlikely friend.

Part 1 & 5 of Scenes from a Marriage by @abundanceofnots

Hilarity, love and banter ensue as Ian and Mickey navigate their life together as husbands.

young and stupid (left wide open) by @sam-loves-seb

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Mickey barks with no bite. “Can you hear me?” Ian looks up and blinks slowly at Mickey. “Sorry—what?” “Jesus,” Mickey mutters, looking over Ian with a furrowed brow. “I said are you alright?” And, like, half of him wants to say yeah, I’m fine, just forget this ever happened and get your pants off, but the other half of him wants to say no, I’m a mess, can you just come and sit next to me for a while. He doesn’t end up saying either of those things; he doesn’t even come close. // 1x09: what happens after “I need to see you” and “I’ll meet you there in twenty.”

walk away, walk away by @sam-loves-seb

Mickey half-shrugs incredulously at him with glassy eyes, his mouth hanging slightly open. Ian just blinks back at him, thoroughly lost. Mickey’s jaw twitches. “Is this the end?” Ian shakes his head. “The end of what?” “Of us.” // post-canon: ian and mickey have their first big fight as a married couple.

if i could never give you peace by @sam-loves-seb

“You need to get over him,” Lip tells him. “I know,” Ian sighs. “It’s been two months.” “It’s been two years.” And that, more than anything, just makes the rumbling in Ian’s chest pound on his ribs even harder. Because, yeah—it’s been two years since they broke up, but somehow their parting at the border felt more like an ending than their breakup ever did. // post-7x11: ian feels unsettled ever since he left mickey at the mexico border.

hold tight to your umbrella by @sam-loves-seb

Because he is fine. Really, it’s nothing. It’s not that bad. He’s just tired, fatigued from the day and the racing thoughts in his head. It’s nothing he hasn’t felt on a normal day before. It’s nothing for Mickey to worry about. “You sure?” Mickey asks, wrapping his arms around Ian’s waist, hands trapped between Ian’s back and the couch. “Yeah,” Ian tells him, nodding a bit. “I think so.” He’s being honest when he says it, but that doesn’t necessarily make it true. // post-canon: ian isn’t feeling quite like himself these days.

i'd like to be my old self again (but i'm still trying to find it) by @sam-loves-seb

Mickey runs his hand over his mouth, staring at the closet and the arrangement of shirts and jackets that looks no more and no less organized than before. “You feelin’ okay?” Something prickles at the back of Ian’s neck. “I feel fine,” he answers, shaking it off. “Why?”“You don’t feel… off?” Ian scoffs. “Because I did the laundry and cleaned the apartment a little bit?” “No… yes?” Mickey winces.“Mickey. What the hell are you even saying?” // post-canon: ian is feeling better, until he’s not.

The Buzz Under His Skin by @palepinkgoat

Set in early S4. See end for mental illness warning/notes. This is definitely not what Ian meant to have happen. He had no idea what this would really be like, when he imagined it. But he never even really imagined it. It was like he snapped his fingers,and he's just here, and this guy is here, and now this is here. Happening. (or: Ian's manic thoughts tend to circle back to one blue-eyed boy.)

Before the Dawn by missmichellebelle

Mickey holds him tighter, and Ian wonders how he can feel like he’s breaking apart into a thousand pieces while being held together.

Rage Against the Dying of the Light by missmichellebelle

Ian still remembers his first visit to therapy, where he expected the chaise lounge for him to lay on and the constant sound of someone scribbling notes. What he’d gotten instead was a regular love seat, and when he’d tried to lay down on it, his therapist had given a startled little laugh and told him that it was, “Quite unnecessary, really.” She never took notes. She never even held a clipboard. She just clasped her hands in her lap and gave Ian her full attention.

superman (dumb fucking magnets) by ArtsyAfrodite

Yeah, Ian wants to be just like him. At least he’ll stick to something, point his arms towards anything.

gotta wait for you, honey by @biblionerd07

Ian's been counting down to his 30th birthday.

every time I think I've lost my way by @biblionerd07

Ian wakes up alone on a road in the woods, and he has to decide if he's going to stay or go.

fix me up by @biblionerd07

Mickey has a lot of scars. Ian has a lot of feelings about those scars.

when you get there you'll know by @biblionerd07

Ian gets out of prison 352 days before Mickey does. They do their best to make it through.

something so wretched about this by @onthepyre

five times ian thought about kissing mickey and one time he actually did

Wishbone by @fangirl-on-fire3

There’s something building, bubbles rolling across frothing water, heat and sound and thick steam curling like an impenetrable wall of humidity over the city. Each time Mickey comes into the store, gives him that predatory look, the rope of tension between them tightens, laden with the tantalizing possibility of more. For someone so stubborn, Mickey's about as flighty as a deer. The slightest threat of a kiss, even Ian looking at his lips for a second too long, always has him bolting.

take your shoes off in the back of my van by @fangirl-on-fire3

After, with the bleachers trickling a slow shower of dust above them, layers of sweat still clinging to their skin, Mickey says, “I missed you.”A storm of starlings break free in Ian’s chest, lurching his heart sideways. It’s beating so fast it might crash straight through his ribs in a violent, bloody mess. “You did?” “Yeah, man. Had to do all the fucking in prison.” Ian wilts.

Something So Pleasant About That Place by @haunted-phantom-student

Five time Ian thinks Mickey is there, and one time he actually is.

Always Darkest Before the Dawn by @haunted-phantom-student

Every time Ian feels himself going low, there’s a moment, a very distinct moment, a moment that confirms that no, he isn’t just tired after a long few days.

I Didn't Know It at Fifteen by @haunted-phantom-student

For a long time, Ian would have said that the thing with Kash started on the tenth of May. He always remembered the exact date because it was the day after his fifteenth birthday, the day he’d come into work with a new mix CD, courtesy of Lip, and a busted nose, courtesy of his father.

Love That's Laid Beside Me by @we-couch

ian's pov of the morning/day after

Glow by @we-couch

Character study of Ian over the years. (s1-7)

Apartment 4A by @we-couch

When the chaos of the Gallagher home gets to be too much, Ian decides to move out. He answers a roommate ad, and gets more than he bargained for.

keeper of the prize by @squidyyy23

Ian and Mickey, growing and learning as they become domino champions, hustle their way through their prison sentences.

Ristretto by @howlinchickhowl

Ian works the late shift at the Tamp and Grind. It's not what he always planned to be doing at 22, but it's a steady paycheck and he doesn't hate it. When he gains a new colleague with a wicked sense of humor and a sinfully hot boyfriend, he starts to think maybe he should be trying to do more with his life than perfecting his latte art.

Love, like a river by @howlinchickhowl

And it’s as Ian’s turning properly to look at him so that Mickey can fully appreciate the eye-roll that Ian feels is the necessary response to his husband being his own special brand of idiot that Mickey’s eyes start to bug in panic and his free hand slaps quickly over his mouth. He’s gonna boot again. Mickey doesn't drink enough water on hot days and Ian thinks that's dumb, but he loves him anyway.

elevator music by @iansfreckles

He’s late, he’s covered in coffee, and he’s trapped in an elevator with the biggest asshole he’s ever met in his life. (Fifteen minutes ago, Ian Gallagher slept through his alarm — and things have only gotten worse since then. OR: Ian moves out on his own, makes an impression on his new neighbor, and learns a thing or two about forgiveness.

details in the fabric by @iansfreckles

Pulling that EMT jacket on for the first time feels a little bit like donning a super suit. Like gearing up to take on the world. (OR Ian's life, as told through clothes)

we'll be a fine line (we'll be alright) by @iansfreckles

“Tried to get a job today. Didn’t work out.” Ian, feeling stiff as a board as he settled beside Mickey on their bed, let out a tight breath. “I know,” he replied after a moment, trying to be patient. He shifted to lay on his back, pointedly not looking to the man beside him, instead staring up at the dark ceiling. “I was there, remember? With the other minimum-wage earning, rotten-pig-smelling bozos.” Alright, so maybe he was hitting petty a little more than patient, tonight. Sue him. (Or an alternate ending to 11x02, where Ian and Mickey actually resolve some tensions)

a sort of fairytale by redkay

By the time Ian is tossed out of the army and makes his reluctant way home, Mickey is long gone.

Sweetpea by @whatthebodygraspsnot

Sweetpea, the stray that eats his neighbors flowers, is a little asshole of a cat. But Ian still hopes to win her over with treats from his lunch and rambling conversation as he tends to his failing garden. Just as he thinks he's starting to get her to like him, everything flips on its head. You see, Sweetpea is not a normal cat. And Sweetpea is not a she.

Customer Satisfaction by @whatthebodygraspsnot

For someone who works at a sex shop, Ian’s love life is tragically dead. That is, until a hot, flirty, tatted up customer decides to enroll in their product review program for the cash. Ian gathers the toys and takes him to the back room for their first session. He’s always kept things very professional at this job - no problems discussing sex-related things at all. But how the hell is he supposed to keep his cool behind the camera and ask corporate’s review questions when he’s got the hottest guy on the planet playing with himself just a few feet away?

How To Bag A Baddie by @whatthebodygraspsnot

Getting a text from a stranger threatening to bash his kneecaps in isn’t something Ian planned for tonight. But he’s intrigued. Call it morbid curiosity, fed by both ends as their conversation continues well past “you’ve got the wrong number”. The more he uncovers about this mystery guy, the more he likes, and the more he wants. Especially when he learns he's not the only one gunning for him. Ian is about to have a very interesting night.

@hornygaythug by @whatthebodygraspsnot

Ian's roommate is pretty. Ian's roommate is kind of an asshole. Ian's roommate posts pictures of himself online and Ian swears to god he's got it under control.

ligature by @catgrassplantdad

It was only a matter of time before they finally hit this moment, before they finally felt like they had enough experience to try this.

sink in by @catgrassplantdad

The pursuits of a married couple just trying to take a damn bath. Why is this so hard to accomplish?

Icarus Is Online by @mishervellous

AnonMate is all everyone is talking about. Ian wants in on it.

I Am the Walls of My Home by @mishervellous

Ian’s journey towards healing and self-acceptance.

Five Times Mickey Wears Ian's Clothes and One Time Ian Wears Mickey's by @teatimeallovertown

A brief look at the journey of Mickey and Ian through the clothes they share

Pink + White by @flamingbluepanda

Ian and Mickey reunite, separate, and reunite again.  (Or, The Early Season 10 Prison Arc we Deserved(TM) )

how to love by proval

Mickey's body's been a bit quieter for a while now, no longer wracked through with those heaving sobs. But Ian gets the feeling if he leaves they'll start up again. Ian POV gap filler for 11x09. Starts after the end of 11x08.

Stages by @dreamylyfe-x

It’s nice for married couples to share interests and experiences. But they didn’t really need their dads to die one after the other like this.

Risk by @dreamylyfe-x

Ian and Mickey figuring out marriage, and each other, in the middle of a global crisis. Canon compliant to the end of season 10.

'Til the Day My Life is Through by @ianrightsonly

Ian is devastated by the thought of Mickey not remembering their first wedding anniversary. He should know better than to ever doubt his husband.

Baby, That's What Makes Us... by @ianrightsonly Ian says no more sex until Mickey gets a job. Mickey says no more sex until Ian gets over himself. Easier said than done, when you’re married and sharing the same bed.

Every Time We Say Goodbye by @ianrightsonly

Ian remembers every kiss he’s ever shared with Mickey. The quick pecks on the cheek; the frantic, biting and bruising makeouts; the slow, languid movements of their mouths against one another. He remembers them all, and he thinks of them often. This kiss though, it’s one of his favorites.

Claim by @gallavictorious

Mickey wants back into Ian's life. Ian wonders if, and how, to let him. Or, the one where the boys conduct their meaningful conversations not by talking but by having sex.

Foreign Country by @gallavictorious

Never returning had not been a conscious choice. Neither was going back. Ian, Kash and Grab, and the memories of good times and bad - and most of all of Mickey.

All You Wanna Do series by @usercelestial

explorations of ians sexual trauma

I Got This by @usercelestial

ian learns to accept help or three times ian deals with it on his own and one time he doesn't have to

The waves come forward, we are traveling together by sadwhales

Ian remembers the first time Mickey ever smiled at him. or, On the night of their wedding, Ian and Mickey talk a little bit about the past, and surprisingly, their feelings.

life of the party by framboise

In which Ian and Mickey are domestic bitches, and deal with some of Ian's memories of those lost months working in the clubs.

These Undomesticated Wilds by @arrowflier

When Ian Gallagher left Chicago behind him to traipse aimlessly through the wilderness, he was hoping to find himself--the self that he had lost when his bipolar diagnosis had his family treating him with kid gloves and his boyfriend annoyed with his melancholic acceptance of his new life. He wasn't looking for a rescue. But when he's injured on a hike through the woods in southern Indiana, a rescue is what he gets. And if he's lucky, he might find a little more than he was looking for.

Bold Will Hold by @smokey-mickey

Ian tries to play it cool as he’s greeted with bright blue eyes standing out against pale skin. Ian can see the edges of tattoos poking out of his jacket at his neck and wrists, and a simple silver nose ring in his right nostril. Awkward yet adorable Tattoo AU.

body and mind by @unbridgeabledistances

He immediately pushes the thought down. He doesn’t fucking need that anymore to keep his head above water; he’s stable, he’s loved, he’s fed. He’s growing organic tomatoes, and definitely developing a farmer’s tan from his days hunched over their way-too-tiny community garden plot, tenderly watering and pruning the vines and brambles. He's desired. So it doesn’t make fucking sense that the hunger, the clawing in his stomach for an absence, doesn’t really stop. or, ian’s body image through the years (based on the tumblr prompt: ian struggling with eating once they move to the west side)

kings of the southside by @unbridgeabledistances

The storefronts on the block were different now— fragile minimalist displays and organic coffee shops uprooting the aged wooden bar signs with peeling paint and bullet holes— but against all odds, and with everyone else moving on, he and Mickey had decided to stay. (or, a canon divergent fic in which ian and mickey stay on the southside and take over the alibi)

we’re the center of our universe by @unbridgeabledistances

It wasn’t like Ian wanted to bring up the conversation again, about monogamy and boundaries and fuck-knows-what-else; but these past few weeks had been hard, like something cavernous was cracking and splintering between them. Their banter had slowly turned less and less humorous, and more pointed and jagged, about who was the breadwinner and who was the “man”; and even though they’d patched it up and built small bridges between them, and had hung off of each other’s bodies at Lip’s apartment the night Ian had brought up the monogamy conversation for the first time, Ian couldn’t help but feel the weight of the things unsaid wriggling and rustling inside him, like a germinating seed about to bloom. or, a communicative little one-shot of ian and mickey discussing their boundaries and processing traumas

The Second-Time Commitment by ListenListen223

Ian levels out after a manic episode, 74 hours into an involuntary hospitalization. Mickey won't bust him out, and insists that he got him to the best hospital in Chicago, so Ian better get better. Surrounded by people who think that the stuff they've been through is maybe a little bit serious, Ian and Mickey have to decide what's worth talking about, and what to leave on the South side. At least for the next 70 hours.

Because…You’re My Husband by @wildxwired

“Monica would have loved today.”

Last of a Dying Breed by @wildxwired

After the death of his sociopathic PO, Ian’s sent to work at XK9, the dog rescue that gives second chances to the unwanted pets and ex-cons of the southside — and it just so happens to be run by the most unlikely success story of them all.

There Are Places You Belong by @livinginsunnyhell

He knew he had his siblings, but sometimes they were so caught up in their own stuff, they couldn’t be there in the way he needed. Mickey was. Mickey always had been. He was his home after all. Ian and Mickey adjust to the West Side and grow closer in their second year of marriage.

your voice is the sound of sirens (to a house on fire) by hypernomad

Ian learns how to read; he never really learns how to stop. When he’s six, he reads Alice in Wonderland and wonders, vaguely, if Lewis Carroll was actually predicting the life of a certain freckled redhead in Chicago with an alcoholic father and an erratic mother. It certainly seems that way at times. His life is a psychedelic mess of being left at the roadside with his brother and sisters, being “given” to random women in the street by his stoned mother, and blinking ash out of his eyes after his father drunkenly throws an ashtray at him for looking like his uncle. The thought is fleeting and he shakes it away as quickly as it comes.

saut dans le vide, my lover by armsoftheocean

When Ian sees Mickey’s smiling response, he can’t help but smile wider with his eyes lighting up and he knows he looks fucking ridiculous; beaming as if Mickey had handed him the key to the universe, but his heart is thrumming with happiness and fuck, he’s so far gone that he doesn’t even give a shit. 

[mavyunivrse]

| Pile 2

Your journey thus far may have been a rough one, burdened by your circumstances. It’s very straightforward, you may have completely broke down a couple times from just how overwhelming your circumstances are, or how much responsibility you’re shouldering. You may do this because you dislike conflict and would rather keep the peace. But by doing so you’re collapsing, rebuilding, collapsing, rebuilding again and again. Whether you know it or not, these circumstances are not in youe favour and must find courage to drop them. Anything that does not add a positive value or aspect to your life is simply not worth your time. Practice completely letting things go, even with how confronting that is.

Whatever’s going on around you may be making you feel trapped, and changing the situation is beyond you and your abilities. This feeling of helplessness has played a major role in making your situation worse. Maybe you’re letting people walk all over you? Such a feeling is urging you to surrender to an unknown entity, you choose what that is. Whether it’s fate, god, spirit guides or whatever you personally believe in. Know there is more to your current situation. You could have created this trap with poor boundaries but the good thing is that since we made it, we can get out of it. See beyond your limits.

You may be facing or about to face family disputes and/or debt but this may be a blessing in disguise, believe it or not. This could be pushing you to finally take back your control and get back in the driver seat rather than the backseat. It’s also mentioning breaking traditions, so if you have any family trauma you may become a generational curse breaker. Finding your authority again or for the first time can sound dreadful for this collective at first. But with time, finding that control can translate into shifting, and you’ll feel in control of your journey again. Your beliefs around shifting may change for the better, realising you choose when you shift.

A big part of your motivation to shifting could be nostalgia. You could be shifting to a familiar place or to familiar faces. Nostalgia doesn’t have to mean childhood, it could mean any simpler time in your life. You may have some unique DRs just cause they bring you comfort and sentimentality. This is very pure and authentic motivation for this collective, just try not to be naive on past experiences and forcing the rose coloured glasses to stay on. If you’re shifting to heal then that’s even better, but don’t stay stuck in time and forget to develop as a human.

We spoke about an uncomfortable thing such as confrontation before, but specifically communicating may be difficult for this collective. You could stray away from passionate debates (which is handy when you’re not consuming everything on shiftok,) but some healing does take place when speaking with others, that’s something you should learn and familiarise yourself with so it doesn’t feel so jarring when it occurs, in any reality. For this collective I reccommend shadow work, seeking anything just slightly out of your comfort zone just to see what happens, cleansing of your space and reprogramming your mind.

Hidden knowlegde card: positive change is coming if you give way to it. They won’t come into full effect overnight, but just accepting it right now is a huge step for you. You will regain in all aspects including health, relationships and finances. Forgiveness and feeling welcomed is also a strong outcome. And recovery from illness is detected aswell. Finding treatment for yourself or someone you’re caring for will be made available.

Oracle words: energy, critical, grounded, disappointment, adapt, lesson, anchor, old, intention

Channeled songs:

Getting Older | Billie Eilish

Billie Bossa Nova | Billie Eilish

Get There | Bôa

Fade Into You | Mazzy Star

Newspaper | Fiona Apple

New Perspective | Panic! At The Disco

Just | Radiohead

Matilda | Harry Styles

Thanks for reading! <3

My Masterlist.

– ℳ

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

how the six family roles in an addictive household are shown in shameless, season 1

so i said i’d make this post a while ago and guess what? i lied. oops. anyways i finally did it so here you guys go!

also, i’m only doing season 1 here because season 1 is the season where the roles are the most clear. after that, some siblings share roles or change roles. in many, many ways, season 1 is much simpler, as we all know.

i most of my information from this article, and i copy and pasted some of it.

 the addict, is frank. you could also say that it’s monica, however she left the family/household years prior to the start of the show. as the consequences of addiction begin to form, the addicted family member will often portray negative behaviors to others in the family including lying, manipulating, and pointing fingers of blame; frank does all of this in season 1 constantly. he lies about where aunt ginger is, manipulates his family by assuring them that he is sober, and he puts the blame on other members of his family, such as ian or monica. half of the family views him as a nuisance, and the other half views him as beloved.

the enabler, is debbie. enabler’s don’t set boundaries and excuse a lot of the addict’s behavior. for debbie, it’s not that she doesn’t understand frank’s addiction or how shitty frank is, she does (1x08), but she chooses to pretend like things are alright. she loves her dad a lot, and she wants to pretend like everything is okay. she wants to pretend like things won’t go back to the way they are, even though she knows they will. we see her caring for her dad, waking up in the middle of the night to check on him and bring him a pillow, asking him if he’s okay, she cares. nobody else really cares that much. we see her become more of an enabler in season 2/3 especially, but again, only season 1 here.

the scapegoat, is lip. many people would like to argue that it’s carl (or debbie or ian) and maybe later on, but not here. the scapegoat of the family often gets blamed for the family’s issues, usually the scapegoat is the second oldest (!!) or middle child. in many cases, this person feels their purpose is to provide their family members with an outlet for blame. so, they can take on a parent’s and other sibling’s blame in order to protect them from feeling these emotions themselves. commonly, the scapegoat of the family will eventually be unable to manage their anger and act out in avoidance behaviors, often leaving town and not returning. so, yeah, this can be season 3/4 ian, or season 6 debbie or carl, but overall, this is lip in season 1. however, lip doesn’t often take the blame. fiona does. he and fiona share the hero and scapegoat role, and eventually share the addict role, but overall the scapegoat is lip. he acts out, purposefully gets into trouble, and is blamed. does he accept the blame? no, but he gets it. and he goes off to do his own shit often, when shit hits the fan he either fixes the problem or just leaves. lip can’t manage his anger. ever. it’s something he never learns how to do from season’s 1 through 11. he uses avoidance behaviors (such as drinking himself sick) and anger to cope with his family’s hardships.

the hero, is fiona. fiona is basically the definition of the hero, which is: the hero of the family is the one who is most controlling and often a perfectionist. by keeping up with personal goals, they feel they can provide their family with the illusion that everything will be okay. normally, the hero of the family is the first child, as they are the most likely to have a type a personality and feel as though they are a leader to their siblings. because of the position they put themselves in as a leader, they may experience extreme amounts of stress. and, become unable to manage their anxiety. that all screams fiona gallagher. she works multiple jobs, attempts to control everyone and everything in her life, and provides for her five siblings. she’s the firstborn child, and the youngest child literally refers to her as his mother on multiple occasions. she dropped out of high school for her siblings, and basically risked everything for them. they are her life.

the mascot, is carl. season 1 carl is sort of hard to characterize because he’s almost never a very serious character, hell, throughout the entire show he cries like three times. but that unseriousness kind of makes him fit into the role of the mascot. the mascot of a family is the person who may utilize humor to try to resolve tension during family arguments or drama. this may be due to the fact that they require approval from those who surround them due to their fragility. most commonly, the mascot of the family is the youngest sibling. basically, they use humor as a defence mechanism in order to not have to experience the negative emotions which may be brought about by addiction in the family. carl wasn’t the youngest sibling, but he was for about seven years, so it kind of counts. at least at this point it does. carl isn’t as aware as debbie is when it comes to the issues in the family, (1x08), and in the first (or second technically) scene, debbie tells carl he’s almost nine and needs to begin pulling his weight. he doesn’t take on the same understanding or responsibility as the rest of the siblings do, but there is a possibility that he understands and masks it by acting clueless. or, he simply is clueless. who knows. either way, if anyone’s going to be the mascot, it has to be carl.

the lost child, is ian. the lost child is a sibling who may not be as involved in family relationships as the others. this is due to the fact that they may not have shared as much family attention as the other siblings. typically, they’re the youngest or middle child. and, characteristically showcase behaviors like isolation and the inability to maintain lasting relationships as a result of addiction in the family. so, ian obviously does end up maintaining a lasting relationship, blah blah blah, but he literally doesn’t until like the last season so THAT DOESN’T MATTER. anyways. for like the entirety of ian’s adolescent years on the show (seasons 1-4), he is forgotten. he’s the stereotypical middle child, the least favorite, and forgotten. fiona never has to worry about him, monica is nowhere to be seen (but i made a post here that talks about their relationship that you should totally read), and frank hits him and simply doesn’t really give two fucks about him. ian isolates himself from the rest of his family, and rarely is actually at the house. he’s often with kash (a man in his fourties), or mickey or just doing his own thing. he becomes even more of the lost child later on (and eventually morphs into the scapegoat) but that’s irrelevant. ian’s hiding a big secret, ian is rarely home, the most attention ian probably ever gets out of frank is just getting hit or insulted. ian’s forgotten.

liam isn’t on here because he was so little in season 1. but much later on, he takes on the role of the lost child. if you want to know more about this/how the gallagher’s were based on actual people rather than just roles, read this article. i highly recommend it.

[bunji-enthusiast]

Wonder how Redeemed! Scourge would act around Team Sonic during and after his therapy and redemption arc, would be interesting to see how he would react seeing the genuine friendship between the whole team especially if the reader is involved. He only had his team and Fiona, most probably stayed out of fear(?) idk I haven't read the whole lore but prob close to that

Note || somewhat rushed but here you go! I AM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE, SO MANY THINGS KEPT COMING UP AND LIFE AND UGGGGHHH—

Okay first of all, you probably had to give your friends a large heads up and a warning to be kinder and not act so weird toward Scourge. Considering his huge reputation with his previous actions, quite frankly it could be worse, seeing as how he enslaved a numerous amount of mobians and mobilized the plant in his own dimension. Then came his scars, then came this. 

His memories are scrambled, so he can't recall every single thing evidently. But when it came down to you, Sonic, Knuckles and Tails; he could feel the warmth of friends and family found alike. Working together and providing good memories together regardless of the circumstances or the situation. He didn’t entirely expect them to greet him warmly as they would.

But in all rights, they still reserved some resentment toward the green hedgehog. Scourge completely expected that, and he was fully ready and prepared to gain back their trust with time. 

Unusually, he felt a new sensation stirring in his chest each time he saw you interacting with any members of the team. Scourge evidently didn’t realize how much he had done his old friends wrong. Nonetheless, he simply watched from a comfortable distance – while maintaining his persona, less his old self, but with better restraint now this time. 

Fiona was one of his closest members, his old lover. But he sees now he was extremely piss-poor behavior when he saw you interact with one additional honorary member; Amy Rose. He did apologize to her properly for his prior behavior toward the pink hedgehog, to which she still held grievous amounts of skepticism toward Scourge, but was most willing to make amends with him. Scourge thought she was an absolute saint: at any point in time of his life, he never expected to have such a mindset. He felt a little better that he improved more on that aspect before meeting any of your friends. 

Scourge could appreciate how quickly Sonic could make amends with you, or any other of his friends for that matter. Before he was easily annoyed by Sonic, as he was often compared to the Blue Blur – but now he could understand why those comparisons were uttered before. He just needed a bit of straightforwardness and blunt honesty to set him straight on a bit of a better path.

He thought he was really annoying to converse with though, Sonic will not let him live down his infamous reputation for prior events. He didn’t like him in that entirety, but he came to learn and understand that he has a tendency to tease; Sonic surprisingly won’t cross any boundaries with Scourge, and even began to worry over him in the few past months he’s gotten to know him. The real him. 

The real Scourge.

Getting acquainted with Miles was something he found rewarding, he thought the little fox was cool as hell the better he had gotten to know him. Scourge didn’t mind being in his presence, as he had also found him to be very reliable. Tails was a nickname he was continuously called by many who have come to know him, as he had often introduced him this way. Scourge felt the honesty and modesty radiating off of the little fox, he could really respect the guy.

As for Knuckles, he wasn’t completely sure. He was cold and hardened, indifferent to Scourge. Though he did his best to remain with understanding and patience toward the echidna, understanding that the guardian may resent him moreover in comparison to the others.

[wayward-robin]

2x05 – Father’s Day thoughts

This was a pretty jam-packed episode that seemed to wrap up most of the season 1 hangover plots with Frank and the Jackson family with Eddie now being found. I feel a bit bad for Sheila. I don’t think she liked Eddie but he was the father of her child so conflicting emotions all around! Frank is of course going to try and take advantage of the situation with Eddie’s pension. I think they’ll drop the suspected murder plot pretty quickly because I don’t see that having a lot of steam but Frank panicking about needing an alibi was pretty funny. The one time he genuinely hasn’t done anything. Karen surprised me by telling the police the truth about having sex with Frank. I know she did it because she thinks Frank did her a favour in getting rid of Eddie for good but still. I’m not sure what I expecting Sheila’s reaction to be after learning her daughter and partner had sex but apparently she knows Karen is the one in the wrong.

Neglect fosters self-reliance? Seriously Frank? He does have some of the best lines and it was funny watching him pass on his pearls of wisdom of Lip but yeah. Frank should never be used as a positive parenting example!

Fiona and Lip had a nice heart to heart this ep about the Karen baby situation. I’m all for Fiona refusing to raise another child and I think Lip needed to hear that. They all rely a lot on Fiona but I’m proud she’s setting some boundaries down early. I’m not convinced the baby is even Lip’s so I don’t think it’ll end up being a problem.

Kev really is the best guy in the series. He doesn’t even stay mad at Veronica for the misunderstanding she had thinking he was cheating on her. I really do love this couple. They screw up but don’t hold grudges.

Ethal has been adorable this season. Her crush on Malik is just so cute. She’s grown on me since her introduction. She’s also grown on Veronica too because she nearly went mama bear over her there.

Will someone please sit Debbie down asap and explain she should not be using Karen as an example for anything? That road things to Bad Things.

[pallastrology]

jupiter vs. saturn: cancer

jupiter

they are more intuitive. jupiter is very comfortable in cancer, and this allows for their softer, intuitive side to flourish. jupiter is generally more of an intellectual planet, but in cancer they are more receptive to the natural forces around them. they have an almost motherly aura, and when it comes to caring for others, the native seems to know exactly how to help. they can blend the practical with their kind nature, which makes for a comforting and nourishing interaction for both giver and recipient.

they are more emotionally open. the native being more receptive brings about a disarming honesty, both to themselves and their loved ones, about their emotional state. they are unashamedly true to how they feel, and listen to their intuition. this is actually quite inspiring to witness, because as the great fiona apple said, 'when you know yourself, you know life'. they are able to reflect, and apply their self-knowledge to how they want to progress through life.

they are more hot-headed. the other side to jupiter in cancer's selfless warmheartedness is that they are more open to anger too. they can be prone to emotional outbursts, especially when stressed out or when not upholding their own boundaries. they feel intensely, and so anger is a very physical experience for the native, with them sometimes feeling out of control of themselves. grounding back into their bodies and learning to ride the waves of emotion can be helpful here.

saturn

they are more defensive. saturn in jupiter also feels their emotions intensely, but they tend to struggle with a real fear of being vulnerable. they hide their emotions away, distract themselves from them, and uphold overly strict boundaries to protect themselves from the pain of being hurt or mistreated. while keeping others away helps prevent certain types of pain, it only guarantees others, and the deep loneliness that saturn often feels will only be healed with genuine connections.

they are more self-sacrificing. when they do let people in, jupiter in saturn is a kind and caring placement. they can actually be too kind; although they are naturally self-protective, by the time they let someone in they've opened themselves up fully, which can sometimes put them at risk of being used by others. this just perpetuates the cycle of shutting people out to prevent being hurt, becoming so lonely they try letting someone in, getting hurt, rinse and repeat. it takes time for the native to break this cycle, and for them to build a healthier one in its place.

they are more devoted. that being said, when they find their people, there are few placements that devote themselves the way saturn in cancer does. family can mean a lot of things, but to the natives family are their people to protect and provide for, to treat with the tender loving care they crave for themselves, and to feel safe with. saturn in cancer's love is true, selfless and warm. to be loved by these natives is a rare and wonderful thing.

both

they both crave safety and security. the crab glyph of cancer clues us in to this; cancer, in all its placements, is aligned towards finding and maintaining safety, comfort and security. they crave the feeling of being embraced in the safety of the womb, and they go through life trying to replicate this feeling. they can display incredible strength when they are within reach of it, and are extremely protective of the things and people that make them feel safe and cared for.

they are both introverted. although jupiter is generally seen as a social and larger-than-life planet, in careful cancer it starts to become more introspective and is somewhat quieter, being brought closer to saturn. neither of them really at home around other people, they keep their circles small and protect their peace. they will go to great lengths for their loved ones, and don't dislike people, but they are happiest alone or with a select few people.

they are both deeply caring. there is nothing like a cancer's love and care, and jupiter and saturn both display a particular flavour of it. they perhaps aren't as emotionally intimate as a cancer moon or rising, but they have this kind, wise way with words and emotional intelligence. they love unconditionally, they want to inspire and help their loved ones to grow, almost like the kindest and best teachers do.

they both have strong memories. cancer is a sign that never forgets and for whom forgiveness can be a difficult topic. jupiter and saturn are no exception to this, though jupiter is more likely to attempt to forgive while bottling up their feelings, and saturn tends to close themselves off after being hurt. healthy boundaries come a little more naturally to jupiter and saturn, but they still have to consciously practice them.

[gallavich-annise]

Shameless Rewatch Thoughts!

The Sins of My Caretaker

I can't remember the exact point I got on board with "this show is my life now" first time round. Through lots of season 2 I was frankly confused as to why I was watching, and it was definitely the promise of future gifs that got me through the worst bits. 

But season 3 kicked things up to an astounding degree and I know that by episode 5 I was definitely contemplating starting this side blog (though it was season 4 before I caved). I remember looking forward to episode 5 in particular because of gifs. 

And... Isn't episode 5 just a work of art? This is where I could really see all that shameless could and should be. It's chaotic. It's way too full of happenings but it's amazing and beautiful and so so good. 

So what do we got? We have Jimmy having an existential crisis while Fiona worries about the water being shut off for a day, dealing with animosity at work, and having a body buried in the yard. We have Debbie dealing with bullies at the pool. We have Carl learning about gay sex for the first time. We have Lip being a dick to Mandy. We have Jody and Sheila doing their shit. Kev and V look into other options when they can't get pregnant. And! We have *drumroll* Ian and Mickey! 

Deep breaths. 

So I'm going start with my least favourite plot, which also conveniently is the least connected to everything else. 

Sheila has regrets! Jody's kink has been uncaged and now he is ordering a shit tonne of kink gear and sex toys and Sheila is a bit out of her depth. She's like "I know I'm a bit out of the mainstream but jeez". 

Her latest hospice patient is a nun who's taken a vow of silence, so Sheila finds herself confessing a bit of her woes... 

And first... I don't really care. I think it's established by now that I'm not that invested in Sheila and Jody, and this turn made me roll my eyes a bit. I didn't think it was done in a particularly funny way, and it was definitely intended to be. I was just... "Hey look, it's the consequences of your actions". I felt a bit sorry for Jody, but he's only in it briefly so it was hard to build sympathy. But Sheila's confession has this bit where she says "did I convince him to overstep his boundaries or an I helping him build new healthy ones?" And like, it's the first one Sheila, my dear. Please. Stop. 

And the comic "twist" was that the nun has a prayer blog so even though she doesn't speak, she has written all about Sheila's transgressions on the Internet. And... Well that's unethical behaviour for a nun, vow of silence or not. And it's not even that funny. 

Sheila ditches her outside a church and I'm pretty sure that's the end of her hospicing career. 

I don't have a lot to say about it otherwise. It does do its job of progressing Sheila and Jody's plot, while giving them a complete story for the episode... So if I'd liked this story it would have done a good job of it? But honestly Sheila's best bit in this episode for me was when Frank trundles through looking for power tools and she's the only one in the whole episode to ask "Frank? Why are you orange?!" (Because his hair has been spray painted... I'll get to it).

So next! 

Debbie, who can now hold her breath for 112 seconds, hangs out at the public pool. Now, Debbie is darling, of course, but I don't actually know what she hoped to get out of hanging out at the public pool. She might be there for swimming, which is fair enough. She might be there to check out the popular older girls (which is also fair enough as long as she's not creepy about it). But the show, never one to handhold, doesn't really say. She's sitting by the pool and reading, and checking out the older girls... And the camera view makes it mostly look like Debbie is lamenting that they all have curves and bikinis and she's in a one piece swimsuit. Because she's 12. And doesn't have many/any friends, which is very sad. 

So first... Frank did that whole rant in the previous episode about city kids and was very racist about the non white kids she'd encounter and now, one whole episode later, we see her hanging out at a pool that seems exclusively occupied by white teenage girls. Which is... A Choice, I guess. It's an issue Shameless has in general with diversity (and accurately representing the area they've set the show), but while I know they're not concerned about making Frank look like a racist asshole, it is a bit odd that he's so very very wrong about demographics as well? Or that they just decided to ignore it. Even Frank in this episode congratulates Debbie on her 112 seconds and then makes a comment that I don't remember at all but I think it was about teenage drama queens or something? White girls. Anyway, it's weird. 

That aside, this plot is actually done well. 

Because the bullying is realistic in a way that hurt me to my soul. There's no reason for it, they pick on Debbie because she looked at them and she's a slightly awkward pre-teen redhead with freckles. It's sad and it's real and it's sad that it's real. I felt so sorry for her, especially in her confusion when they ask if she's a lesbo. I never made any of Debbie's choices, but I identify so hard with her in that scene that it was painful. 

(Though a shout out for her iconic debate club response to "are you a lesbo". I can't remember the quote well enough even to paraphrase, but I love it.)

Now they've told her to grow some boobs, because they're dicks. And a self-conscious Debbie steals one of Fiona's bikinis and stuffs the bra with socks. It's so naive and sweet and, again, realistic pre-teen girl stuff. But she looks so awkward in it and you can see the stripes of the socks through the white bikini, especially after the mean girls tell her to go for a swim and she does. And they have put ketchup on her seat and call out "period".

I hate these girls. Hate them hate them hate them. Viscerally. Just why do kids do that kind of shit? I still don't understand it, but it happens and it's awful. And I felt every single ounce of Debbie's absolute mortification. Emma Kenney is such an amazing actress, especially in these early seasons where Debbie really got to show off her range. 

Next we get her stalking home and blowing off Molly and Liam. And she's upset at dinner, until Carl says it's because she got her period at the pool and she runs upstairs and locks herself in the bathroom. 

Which is where we get one of the rare but beautiful Fiona and Debbie sisters scenes. 

Fiona has so much going on in this episode, but she actually takes the time to check on Debbie, which she doesn't always... And it's understandable, normally. But when Carl mentions periods you see her go "shit I need to deal with this" and mentally adjusting her priority list. And it isn't that, but she still gives Debbie a pep talk. Tells her some girls are jerks but she shouldn't take their shit. And this is a Gallagher pep talk and it's a sister pep talk, not a mother pep talk. And I love that. I love the way the show shows the way Fiona's relationship with her siblings walks that line between parental and sibling, and the way it's different for each of them and depending on circumstance. Because their relationship is blurred and Fiona is a willing guardian but not a parent, and she never had good examples either.

And Debbie is ugly crying in the bathroom but lets Fiona in for a hug. Such a good scene for both of them.

The aftermath? Debbie isn't going to take their shit. Her scenes are all intercut with the buildup towards the episode climax, and it's all so tense and beautifully done. There is so much going on, but this is one episode where I really didn't mind because it just made the final fallout feel apocalyptic. It was incredible. I'm going to talk more about that at the end, though. 

For now, we'll just say that I do not endorse violence, even against bullies, but weighing herself down and half-drowning a girl who was mean to you is a genius use of Debbie's newfound breath-holding skills and is another great example of Machiavellian Debbie. I'm here for it. On TV where I know no one really got hurt. 

So I'm going to go to Molly next. It kind of feels with Molly like they were trying to speed run what they did with Ethel in season 2. Have a character come in, say off the cuff things that make you think "man that's fucked up" and be friends with Debbie and then leave (both to free up space in the narrative and to have it be another person who leaves Debbie, willingly or otherwise). And for various reasons it doesn't work as well as Ethel, mainly because of the "speed running" part. Ethel worked because you saw the horrors gradually unfold. Molly is trying to dump them too fast when there's too much else going on.

Molly also bugged me because of all the assumptions people make. Like Fiona says words to the effect of  "you're a boy whose mum pretended and raised as a girl because your mum hates men" and... Where did she get that information from?! Is she assuming things or does Mandy know more than she'd originally let on? Mandy uses "he" pronouns throughout despite not wanting to tell Molly that she's AMAB. And it's really difficult to even talk about this without falling into the same transphobic traps the show is playing off. It's all weird and gross, and done so flippantly as a small part of a huge episode and I just think "why? Why have this at all?". You wanted Lip to rescue Mandy's sibling, fine... But this is just another layer of stuff added to make viewers go "what the fuck?"

Does it bother me that Molly was raised as a girl without her knowledge or consent? Yeah... Because of the knowledge and consent part. None of the Gallaghers engage with that, and as I said last time that's okay. That is in character for where and who they are. But the show seems to be trying to make me think it's inherently fucked up to raise a boy as a girl without actually engaging with the details that make it fucked up... It's all just a bit icky. It's fucked up that Molly thinks she's going to get a period and breasts when she hits puberty... The truth is going to fuck her up regardless of what gender she decides she is. But the whole thing is put there to point and laugh at, and I kind of roll my eyes at it. 

So anyway. Molly is only a small part of this episode and mostly it's jokes about the girl penis thing. Wearing a particular dress to hide her bulge. Having morning wood. Whatever. 

I find it sweet that Molly is still there even though Carl is back, because Fiona initially said she had to go when Carl got back, but in really she's not going to kick out a vulnerable young kid with nowhere else to go except the Milkovich house (and I can only imagine that finding out about the 'girl penis' situation made it even more essential to keep Molly away from Terry). So points for Fiona there. But she is still adamant to Lip and Mandy that they need to find somewhere for her and soon.

Mandy in this episode is a bit weird. I don't really know what they were going for. She's suddenly and completely devoted to Lip, feeding him and doing his laundry and stuff. And Fiona makes a crack about Lip having a spouse. Mandy's attention is almost entirely focused on Lip (she does his laundry but isn't generally helping with the rest of the house stuff). She's hooked on him. Lip describes it as "weirdly clingy" and I can't help but agree. Like, Lip is an absolute dick to her in this episode and I won't excuse him either, but Mandy is pushing boundaries without having conversations. Which isn't in and of itself ooc, because growing up a Milkovich isn't likely to instill those values, and it does follow on from the way she latched on to Ian in "Aunt Ginger".  So actually I've talked myself around and this isn't weird, it's just an over-extension. Nevermind (is it obvious I don't plan these things 😂). 

So while it might not be ooc for Mandy, it is a bit much for Lip. And that is also understandable (but he doesn't need to be such a dick about it). It's been obvious from the outset that they've had different expectations. Mandy knew about Lip being somewhat hung up on Karen... But now she's stepped things up a notch and he's really not prepared to deal with that. He treats Mandy awfully, by brushing her off at every available opportunity, rolling his eyes behind her back, and generally being short and snappy with her. 

He has a conversation with Kev while they're on a road trip... And... Well first the framing and scripting of that scene is weird because they're in the middle of a long drive, paused to top up the water in the overheating van. But... The script makes it sound like this is the only conversation they've had the whole ride. It's fine, but it stood out to me, especially because this is one of those fully loaded episodes that's doing so much with the space that every minute has to be load-bearing. So it was a little clunky. But we get the end of Kev taking about the incident with his wife, and then he asks how things are going with Mandy. Lip describes her as "clingy" and Kev asks a couple of questions and pronounces them ghetto married, which Lip says he hates. I liked that it's Kev he has this conversation with, after the scene in season 2 where Kev waxes lyrical about girls refusing to sleep with you without realising Lip's talking about Karen with Jody. It felt like a nice mirror. And Kev is also the one to say "Karen really did a number on you". And someone needed to say it, so I liked that.

Next we get Lip declining movies and weed with Ian and Mandy, and I now wish I'd looked more closely at Ian in that scene to see how hard he's side-eyeing his brother. We've had the scene where Ian is in bed while Mandy is trying to climb into bed with a reticent Lip ("Other people exist maybe?!" Is a very Brothers line. I loved it. And also as a "hey maybe the gay guy in the corner doesn't want to watch heterosexual sex between his brother and best friend" it's Very Valid emotions).

It all comes to a head the next morning in the ice cream van (aside: I'm so happy to see the return of the ice cream van, it's a beautiful side gig and almost a character on its own. I'd love to see a minisode series of ice cream van capers). Mandy turns up to help. Kev is like "yes please roll joints, stay and help Lip while I go to work" and Lip is like "go away". It's very awkward and Mandy is upset and a little bit... Willfully clueless here? Like how is she not seeing how annoyed Lip is even before he snaps and tells her to go home to her own house (y'know the one with the abusive dad)?

Poor Mandy, you deserve better. If only you could have met Lip in, like season 9 when he had his shit a little bit more together you might have been a good couple. As it is, it's great drama but I hate it for her. 

So she runs off to her aunt's place (leaving Molly with the Gallaghers, which is fine but makes it even more of a dick move from Lip) and it's up to Ian to call him out on his bullshit. And I love Ian's talk here. He doesn't say he has to be a better boyfriend. He doesn't say he should love Mandy. He just says: if you want to be with her, treat her better. If you don't, break up with her. Which is about as fair and real as you can possibly get. He cares about them both, and I love that he doesn't pull punches but also doesn't try to force his brother to do one thing. He just wants Mandy treated fairly, even if it gets her heart broken. Go Ian. You are a good friend and brother.

And Lip. Well, he thinks about it over hard manual labour digging up the lawn. And... He calls Karen. He leaves an angry vitriolic message that is, I guess, his attempt at getting closure for himself. He tells her to stay away forever. As a viewer this means he's still thinking of her, that he saw that Kev was right.

Then... He goes to try and make things right with Mandy. Admits to being a dick. Doesn't actually apologise for it, but he admits it which is something. I always hone in and notice the non-apologies in TV shows because sometimes it feels like it's intentional and sometimes it seems like the writers don't know what an apology actually looks like. In this case I think it's more the former... It's the characters that don't really know what an apology looks like, which feels realistic. Not like either of them have ever received a proper one. And doesn't that little thought make me super fucking depressed? 

(I have a little Lucius from Our Flag Means Death in my head dancing in here to say "and yet the words 'I'm sorry' were never used, did you notice that?")

Anyway, we get Mandy's beautiful "I'm not a tool so you don't get to treat me like one" which is an amazing line. In context, I kind of cock my head on one side about it, because he was ignoring her and being emotionally distant, while not refusing her offered help, so I guess it works... But in specific the argument came from him telling her to go home rather than hanging around and helping him do stuff. I dunno, "tool" possibly wouldn't be my word for how he was treating her. But it's fine. It's still a great line. And I totally wish Mandy kept that sense of self-worth through season 4 and 5. Sad face. 

Lip makes it up to her with a mini firework display under the L. It's pretty, and Mandy looks at him with even more love and devotion and it makes my insides hurt. Lip looks happy, too, but he's looking at the fireworks while Mandy looks at him, and... It's intense the things that framing makes me feel (especially because JAW kind of looks a bit dorky-cute rather than actually hot there and it's funny to me that Mandy is like "yes please take me now"). 

Anyway, as with most of the plots in this episode, that did a great great job of doing a satisfying episode arc while leaving conflict for next time (as we know Lip isn't getting over his issues just like that, but we're leaving them in a better place). 

Kev and V have another little arc in this episode. V goes to the doctor about her fertility issues, and the doctor says that nothing is impossible but she was basically letting her down gently if she gave the impression that V going to be able to get pregnant naturally. 

So I was listening to the South Side Rules episode covering the season 2 bit where they first find out V probably can't get pregnant, and they pointed out that most doctors wouldn't do anything until they'd been trying for a year. At this point in season 3 it probably has been about a year, maybe. So it makes it weird that they had the earlier stuff. I wonder if there was something going on behind the scenes to make them do this plot line... But it was a weird choice anyway. And especially weird to have it sandwiched in here. 

We have a conversation between Kev and V about "maybe it's not meant to be" vs "I want to fight for this". We have a discussion about how expensive it would be to pay a surrogate. And we have them asking V's mum to be their surrogate, all in the span of an already packed episode. A few days on, I'd entirely forgotten that all of this happens here in this episode, while everything else is going on. It's ridiculous. 

Emotionally, I found the whole thing neutral. I know it's a common struggle, but it was one I was fortunate not to share, and if it had been? I think I would have been fairly sanguine about it. I was never one of those people who knew beyond knowing I wanted to be a mum, so I don't know how hard I'd have fought if it had been more difficult for me. 

But it's fine as a plot. I get it. I just found it a bit overloading in context with so much else going on. And Kev and V are involved in other plots, even if just as friends and counselors! So it's not like they needed their own thing right now. Whatever. 

They ask V's mum Carol to be their surrogate. They seem to have a conversation about it *while Kev is masturbating into a turkey baster* and... Okay, I get that they probably had a conversation about this earlier off screen but the way that felt rushed made me cringe a bit. Like... I hate that they seem to be rushing into it without even pausing for breath. But whatever. This bit is still less weird than what it leads to, so I'll deal and move on. 

The rest of the plots except Ian and Mickey are pretty interconnected, so I'm gonna do Frank, Carl, then Fiona and Jimmy. 

The opening of the episode shows a city employee in a high vis jacket spray painting the Gallagher front yard. Including a passed out Frank. This is why Frank spends half the episode with an orange stripe down his back until he steals a tank top from Jody... But his hair remains orange. And the high vis jacket guy says what we are all thinking: "fuck you, Frank".

The guy tells Fiona that they're going to be digging up the lawn and shutting the water off for a day. He doesn't say which day... He says "in a couple of days". The timelines of this episode are canon-typically confusing and this is clearly "couple" in the colloquial sense of "anywhere between 2 and 5 days" because the episode takes place over at least 3 days. 

But anyway, Fiona worries about laundry and washing up and showering and drinking water. And Debbie is the one to say "what about Aunt Ginger?"

You know, the body we have buried in the yard. 

I love that it was Debbie that has this thought. Because she's the one that cared most that OG Aunt Ginger was dead, and the one that wanted to know where she was buried. And Fiona knew but didn't think of it because of more immediate practical concerns. But obviously a body in the yard being dug up is a problem. And Fiona rightly makes it Frank's problem. 

I really liked the scenes with Frank and Fiona around this. Because she's worried, because she's potentially an accessory, but she puts it on Frank because he has no job and it was all his fault. And Frank understands the issue, especially when Fiona gets more graphic about prison in her motivation. But he doesn't remember where he buried the body exactly, so he has to dig around, so he goes hunting for help and power tools. 

Before that he goes in to ask his children for help, and my favourite Lip line of this episode goes to "I'm busy." "Too busy to help your old man?" "Yes. Forever." 

Frank abuses Sheila's distraction to take Eddie's ride on lawn mower and various tools, and he digs with help from Carl and Little Hank, who is apparently back, inexplicably and very briefly... One of those cases where the continuity is almost harder to explain than its lack, because if he's still around where has he been for the last half season?! And why is he just here to dig for one scene?! But it doesn't really matter and I don't care enough to talk about little Hank. 

Next day, after another reminder from Fiona, Frank goes to the Alibi and spins a yarn about Grammy Gallagher's buried gold... Which most people ignore, but Tommy and Dan take him up on it (Dan is the guy with one arm he attempted to scare Sheila with in season 2. I had to look up his name). I enjoyed that Frank gives this impassioned speech and most people are just like "Meh, no". Because they know Frank and don't give a shit and think he's probably lying. I don't know why Tommy and Dan go for it, but they do... Sufficiently bored I guess? And they dig and dig and find nothing. Not gold nor bones. 

That's really it from Frank. He disappears at that point to make space for Fiona and Jimmy drama, and doesn't show up for the dramatic events of the following morning. It's a bit weird now I think about it, but I didn't notice at the time because so much is going on there isn't really space for Frank and his usual bullshit.

So a brief aside for Carl. 

Carl witnesses an exchange between Jimmy and Ian, which is admittedly confusing even when you know the context! Jimmy stares at Ian's crotch and Ian tells him to, you know, not do that. "Not thinking about your cock. In my dad's mouth." And I'll come back to ~that~ because yeesh. But Carl is confused. Like, why would your dad be licking Ian's cock?! Fair, my boy. Fair question. And Jimmy dissembles because a) it's a fucking awkward thing to explain to *anyone* b) it's not his job to talk about sex with his girlfriend's brother and c) he's really bad at it. He tells Carl Ian's not gay (ie lies to the child), which I get, but annoyed me... Like at least get him to ask Ian instead?! He fails to answer the questions and then he just runs, leaving Carl to ask... Frank. 

I love that Carl is just plain curious. He's not disgusted, he just doesn't get it. We've seen he watches porn so presumably has at least some awareness of how her sex works (and I don't approve of him learning about it from porn, but I'm fine with a 10yo understanding the mechanics) but no one ever explained gay sex to me either, so I kind of feel for Carl in the face of Jimmy's confusion and horror. I never had the guts to ask the questions, so go Carl! 

Enter Frank. And... Again I love that the show occasionally gives Frank these nice moments with his kids. Like we had him with Debbie helping her hold her breath, and here... Frank isn't hugely forthcoming with details (which is okay, Carl's only 10 so maybe the anatomical diagrams can wait for later) but he answers the question plainly and without bigotry. And we get the "he's probably attracted to his build first" line. Frank: I have no other redeeming features but at least I'm not homophobic. I find it weirdly compelling that we get these flashes, and the scene was very funny.

Carl asks everyone except Ian or Fiona. Ian would probably nope out and run. Fiona would either give him a half-sensible answer or tell him off for being nosy. So the show focuses on Carl asking Little Hank who is either *woefully* misinformed in a way that might be hilarious if it didn't make me wince, or he's a dick (he tells Carl one penis goes inside another). Then he asks Lip "I need to know where the gay weiners go". And I can't remember exactly what he said but it was classic Lip trying to be helpful without actually being helpful. It was some analogy that made very little sense to me... Carl still seems confused.

And that's that for this episode (though I have flashbacks of his part in the following episode, only because it was used directly adjacent to the most horrific bit and it gave me emotional whiplash... But that's for next episode).

Oh, the only other Carl thing is that Frank tells him his cancer is cured and he's fine. I almost forgot about that because it's done so offhandedly and very Frank-ly because Carl tries to say he can't help with the garden because he's sick with cancer. I still feel sorry for him, but I am glad Frank doesn't keep the pretense up longer than necessary.

So... Fiona and Jimmy. 

Fiona has a lot of different things going on this episode. It starts with her morning head being shit because her boyfriend is too preoccupied by mental images of his dad sleeping with her brother (every day my obsession with Shameless leads me to write entirely new sentences... And that's even before I get to how I feel about any of that). 

She worries about laundry and the water going off. She worries about the body in the yard. She is grumpy at Lip about Molly's continued presence, and about Mandy's spousal behaviour. She has two incidents at work that continue the thread of her coworkers being unhappy that she isn't blowing the boss. Tacks in her coin drawer, and they plant cigarettes and lock her in the bathroom to make it look like she was taking an illicit smoke break. But she blows it off and doesn't get cowed by their shit. 

I understand why she stands up to the coworker who's bitter because her little sister was going to get the job, and Fiona bites back with "I've got five kids to feed". It's excellent and very Fiona. I don't quite understand why she doesn't just extend her blackmail threat to say that Bobby has to stop being a skeeze entirely?! They don't even have to report him or get him fired. I guess the fear is that if he's not getting regular head he'll leave or stop being "nice" in the other ways... 

But that's almost incidental in this episode... I can't remember how that plot wraps up, but this episode is just continuation and the rest is for later.

Then Fiona gets home to find the lawn destroyed but no body found. She sets everyone to digging, helps Debbie after her pool bullying experience, and then she gets to digging too.

And here I feel like I need to cut to Jimmy. 

Because Jimmy in this episode almost feels like he's in a different show. And I actually kind of like that? Because he's from a different world. But I do get pissed off with him a lot too. He is distracted and hung up on his dad being gay, and rethinking every interaction he observed between his dad and his male teachers and friends. And it's... Weird, but not unforgivably so. Like, I get that it's a shock, even if he's not especially homophobic (shout out to V's line "you wear designer jeans and coconut hair product, that's like gay flypaper" which made me laugh despite myself. It's a stereotype and it's bad but it's also funny, sorry). 

The spiralling is well performed, and the only thing that makes it bad is that Fiona's life is falling apart beside him and he doesn't even notice. She's obviously used to being the strong one so she thinks it's fine even though he's shouldering none of the usual load. She's not entirely unsympathetic, at least at first, even if she's perhaps not as "there there darling" as Jimmy Steve might want. 

To my mind, no one is concerned enough about Ian at this point. Like, Jimmy's issue is that his dad is sleeping with men, and even though "sleeping with a teenage boy" is mentioned, no one seems overly concerned about the teenager part. Once again this is the "Ian seems fine so it's probably fine" effect. While Jimmy feels like everything he knew is collapsing. 

He gets drunk. Kev tells him to stop whining. V says "no one died or got injured" and no one cares about Jimmy Steve's pain. 

It's a bit like with Debbie getting ignored because her issues are "needs attention" rather than "survival-related problem needs fixing". But unlike Debbie, Jimmy is a whole-ass grown man. In fact, in this very episode, Debbie has to cook breakfast because Jimmy's too busy staring into the middle distance. Like, I know he's not their actual parent but he has been taking on those duties and you have to keep them up even when life hits you in the head! Sure you're having a bad time... Kids still need to eat. Ugh.

So when it all comes to a head? I was right there with Fiona. 

Like, I don't ~entirely~ disagree with Jimmy's comment about "my tragedy is bigger than you tragedy". Suffering one-upmanship is generally not helpful. If it hurts, it hurts. There is a case to be made there, perhaps... But Fiona's problems genuinely are immediate and life-threatening and not just about her. 

He goes on about how he's supported her and as soon as he needs it she's too busy. Which might sound superficially like a valid argument, but it's not like Fiona stopped needing the support in the meantime. She stopped leaning on him as much, which is about as much as she can do at this point. If she tries to support him too, she will collapse! So any point he might have had is just in him being an entitled dick.

The argument is beautifully done. Because a clear-headed unstressed Fiona could probably deal with it a lot better. And a not-drunk Jimmy would probably rally a bit like a drunk friend whose drunker friend needs to be taken home and have their hair held back. But they're neither of them at their best and Jimmy completely avoids the very real stakes in order to whine about his being in shock over his dad--again a situation in which no one is dead or injured or at risk of losing their house or getting arrested. He's a massive dick. Fiona yells back "I am literally digging up a body" is a raw line. And Jimmy needed to take that kick in the ass, help dig, and maybe have the more mature conversation later. 

Instead he runs away, and sleeps with Estefania. Ugh. Fuck you, Jimmy Steve. 

Also, I'm still so angry that Estefania doesn't have a personality beyond "horny". Just why?! 

Long story short, I really loved that argument, and while my better angels are telling me not to shit on someone's emotional reaction to a particular situation, Jimmy Steve is a fictional character and I think he's whiny and needs to get a grip, at least for the duration of the current crisis. If your friends are hemorrhaging, you don't complain about your papercut, even if it is really painful. 

At the end of the day, Fiona and Lip are the last still digging. Though they apparently nearly forget to bring Liam in?! Which is such a tiny moment I almost didn't notice and then he's there on the path outside the house and Lip sees him and it's like FUCK?! I just... Cannot think too hard about those moments because they're so effective at driving me absolutely insane. It's all fine.

Lip says "don't worry about your dweeb" and attempts to reassure Fiona, which is cute. Fiona goes inside and collapses. Covered in mud and still wearing boots on her bed. Shudder. But before she falls asleep she calls Jimmy, who doesn't answer. Awww, I guess. Sorry, Fiona, I believe you're in love and stuff I just think he's a dick. 

Aaaand... I'll come back to the next day soon.

Because it's time for Ian and Mickey!! 

So we've already covered breakfast the first day with Jimmy being a bit of a creep and Ian walking away. Later that day, Ned-Lloyd comes by the Kash and Grab to creep on Ian a bit and ask him to rob his house. 

Once again I'm a little bit awed by the cognitive dissonance in this show that could have the stuff with Blake and Lip going all out to prove her guilty while Ned gets barely s second glance. And it feels like a show problem rather than the characters as well. The homophobia thing probably? Like, both this and the episode after basically follow the old convention of "balancing" out any kind of happiness with a horrific injury and/or traumatic event. 

Getting ahead again. 

Ned faces no consequences for sleeping with a teenage boy, except his son being a bit shocked. To the point where he feels like he can continue. He asks Ian's forgiveness (presumably for him getting into bed with Lip) and Ian shrugs it off, but refuses a kiss... The latter probably as much to do with setting as anything. But it's in there as a nice contrast for later. 

Ian agrees to rob Ned's house. Presumably he makes a list of the things he wants, because I wouldn't remember it. 

And then first thing next morning we see Ian and Mickey at their little assault course, Ian doing his drills. Aside from the "live weapon" thing, it's a cute scene. It's early. Mickey has come out to hang out with him. There's no sign that they've banged or are about to. It's a nice little aside that does a lot to imply what's going on in their relationship. Time together when they don't need to be. 

As we all know, Mickey also looks super fucking hot in that scene. Sitting on that platform with his arms out, smoking and shooting. Just. Perfection. 

Ahem.

Mickey agrees to the heist and then asks the beautiful question, oft-quoted in fanon "I don't know what you see in that geriatric viagroid". Which is a single line, accompanied by a near-perfect delivery, that tells you so much about Mickey and what he's feeling. When Shameless hits, it hits. 

The reply "he isn't afraid to kiss me".

A pause here to recall the way Mickey's lips twitch, and his little frown. He's so fucking good. 

He says nothing. It's no surprise what happens next!

The next morning they bring a van to Ned's house. Iggy is there too, along with an unnamed Milkovich. 

I don't know what to say about this scene because I'm sure it's one of the most watched scenes... Mickey agrees to no guns, and goes off with Iggy... Then runs back to plant one on Ian. 

The kiss when it happens is so out of the blue and darling and shot at such a weird angle and it's wonderful and I. Need. More. I just want more early Gallavich, dammit! Is it so much to ask?!

The thing about it, is we have so little context for Mickey's feelings, and so few scenes between these two. We've seen them roughhouse and hang out and work together and chat, but only briefly. Only in snippets. We haven't seen surprisingly tender moments at the end of sex. Haven't seen Ian bug Mickey for a kiss and be turned down, or else staring at his lips wanting to ask but not doing it for fear of a repeat of season one "kiss me and I'll cut your fucking tongue out". Fanfiction is delightful for filling all these egregious gaps. But it is sad that we didn't get more on screen. 

Instead, giddy adrenaline-spiked Mickey tries to steal a clock (where's that post about Mickey thinking he can lift a grandfather clock with the power of love?) and it gets dropped on Iggy and they wake up Candace, who shoots at them with a shotgun. 

I like that she immediately clocks that they've been put up to it by Ned. They run. She shoots Mickey in the ass. 

"You got shot Mickey!" "Yes I fucking know I got shot!!"

I love them so fucking much it's genuinely hard to live a normal life sometimes. 

(Good job I'm not pretending to be doing objective media analysis, right?!)

They run to the Gallagher house. Ned meets them there and... The kitchen scene is so beautifully done. The kids at daycare crying. Ian and nameless Milkovich carrying Mickey in and holding lamps. Ned still finding time to sass Mickey and Mickey telling him to fuck off. Except please take the bullets out of my ass first. Which, tbf, he does. 

Only Fiona, who is outside digging, hears the screams. 

And okay, another deep breath here. Because this was one of the most amazing, beautiful, tense and dramatic scene so far in the series, I'm gonna say. Not the most emotional... But the way all the chaos comes to a head is damn near perfect, and I think it cemented Shameless as a major part of my personality. 

We have the shots of the CPS woman outside, a rookie by the looks, getting ready to come in. Sees the van and Mickey being hauled in, she needs a minute. We see Molly stealing a bikini and dancing in the living room. Daycare kids everywhere. Field surgery in the kitchen. Fiona finding Aunt Ginger's bones in the yard! Debbie nearly drowning a kid.

Carl casually lets in the CPS woman. 

Fiona comes in. "Ian what the fuck?!" "I can explain!"

Debbie barreling through the door, jubilant, exultant. "I nearly drowned a slut! ... Nobody Effs with Debbie Gallagher!"

And the fall. The realisation. As Fiona and everyone else gets it. Oh fuck it's so good. So so good. Moment of all time. The whole episode builds and culminates in that moment, and it's incredible. Every element of it works and I love it incomparably.

But let's just add a "fuck you, Frank" in here for good measure. And a note that CPS clearly took a couple of months to investigate his claim? Which I guess is not unreasonable for case loads and underfunding and stuff, but jeez... Sad that it takes them so long to look into situations that could well have been a lot more abusive and/or neglectful than this one.

So... That was the end of a whirlwind of an episode. I love this one. It's definitely one of my favourite episodes, certainly pre-season 4... But there is SO much going on. It's a wild ride. I love it and I wish I had a chance to breathe. 

But I don't think I'm gonna get it because next up is 3x666. One of the list of episode numbers that I'm sure every Gallavich fan remembers.

Anyway. I have to stop. These take so long. And I mostly enjoy it, but I do kind of feel guilty about the amount of time I'm spending on it. It's gonna be kind of fun doing season 4 and 5 where I can compare with my initial watch thoughts though, even if I was less... Obsessively thorough first time round. 

Until next time. 

[hannahssimblr]

Lucky Girl - Relationship Analysis

Evie & Dean

Dean first appears in chapter 2.2, and one of the first things we know about him is that Evie hates his guts. For some reason she really has it out for him, hating his clothes, his hair, his art style, his arrogance, the way he holds himself. We don’t get to see Evie’s first weeks of college, so the initial reason for her hatred isn’t ever really established, but we can assume that his critiques of her work during classes has been hurtful to her. 

I think this is a moment where Evie becomes a bit of a contradictory character. On one hand, she feels insecure and lacking in confidence about most things in her life, and yet when it comes to her art she’s defensive. Though she may never admit it, Evie is used to being the ‘art girl’. She’s used to being more skilled than others around her, so entering college and being surrounded by people who are equally, if not more skilled than her puts her on the defensive. She’s uncomfortable with criticism. 

Dean is an intentionally confusing character for the first half of part two. I really didn’t want anyone to really know what to make of him. Isn’t he just giving normal criticism? Surely there’s no need for Evie to be so rude to him, he’s really only trying to help. Yet there’s something about Dean that’s not quite right. We see through Evie’s eyes here, so we're supposed to be as unsure as she is about him. She can’t see what everyone else already can. 

Dean shows some interest in Evie early on, perhaps out of pure curiosity. He claims that he doesn’t understand why she hates him so much, and gives her a talk about accepting feedback, telling her that she’ll never improve as an artist unless she’s willing to take on the opinions of others. He’s not wrong. 

We get our first glimpses into Dean’s life in chapter 2.5 when Marnie and Fiona gossip about him in the bathroom. We learn he’s from a working class area. He’s been to college before. He needs to work evenings and nights in a pizza restaurant to afford his college fees. Hearing their sneering of him for these facts puts Evie on the defensive. She’s working class too, and so for the first time she feels camaraderie with Dean, a need to defend him from those who don’t understand his struggles in the same way that she does. 

Later that night she encounters Dean on the landing while waiting for Marnie. He’s on drugs, though she’s not sure of it yet. He traces shapes on her palm and she doesn’t stop him, though is dimly aware that she’d be judged by her friends for allowing him to do this. Dean is curious about Evie now, and when his inhibitions are lowered he feels more at ease to touch her. The fact that she doesn’t resist is interesting. 

Evie thinks about that encounter the whole way home and eventually opens up about it to Marnie, who immediately assumes that something weird and non-consensual was afoot. Evie tries to explain that it wasn’t, she didn’t feel violated by him. Marnie asks Evie if she fancies Dean, and she says she doesn’t, although she’s no longer sure if that’s true. 

The following day, Marnie, in a pissy mood, texts Dean to tell him off about crossing Evie’s supposed boundaries. Dean responds to this by confronting Evie and then blocking her number. She’s incensed, appalled, how could he just block her like that? Doesn’t she mean more than that to him? 

The blocking is particularly traumatic for Evie who is still reeling from her rejections by Kelly and Jude in part 1. The Christmas scenes have made her feel even more vulnerable, as Kelly has made a point of making her feel worthless. She cannot cope with the idea that Dean could so easily delete her from his life, so she goes to his workplace on New Year’s Eve and waits for him in the cold so that she can confront him. 

This is one of Evie’s bolder moves, but she simply can’t stand for Dean to do this to her without explanation. She needs to know why. This is one of the most crucial moments in their relationship, as it’s a transfer of power. Unbeknownst to Evie she has shown him something very interesting about herself, through this action coupled with her frustration over his feedback in college - she has a need for his approval. Dean wins. 

Dean insists on walking Evie home after their confrontation, and even though she says no, he does it anyway. They talk a little about themselves, and as they reach the door Evei has a moment of realisation - she thinks that he’s hot. He clocks this moment too and is curious about it. How can he use this to his advantage? Every moment with Dean feels a little strange to Evie, there’s something about him that’s different to other people, and by the end of part two we know what it is - he’s simply trying to read her, trying to manipulate her for his own gains, and he has been since the very beginning.

The two get closer in the following months, and slowly Evie begins to feel like his ‘favourite’ of the college group. One night in a pub, Dean admits that he’s most attracted to Evie out of all of them, and she’s embarrassed but flattered. He’s noticed that she’s special, and that’s food for her dwindling self-esteem. 

Later on he opens up about his family life, which makes Evie realise that they don’t have as much in common as she really thought. She could never relate to the things he’s going through, and in fact, his problems make her feel childish and naive in comparison. He changes the subject to tell her that he thinks she’s hot, and takes total control over the conversation until he can steer it to a point where he’ll be able to kiss her. The kissing doesn’t exactly feel right or natural to Evie, but it’s fine. True love is an illusion anyway, not every kiss is going to feel right and perfect. 

Dean is pushy with her when he walks her to her door, asking to come in, but she pushes him away jokingly. She’s uncomfortable but doesn’t want to admit it in case he thinks she’s immature. He doesn’t know she’s still a virgin. 

Things go immediately sour at Evie’s birthday party when Dean shows up high after work. He’s a chef, and due to the stresses of his job he’s developed a mean cocaine habit - so has everyone who works in Primo. They weren’t buzzing around like efficient worker bees for no reason. Because Jude is with her, Evie can see clearly for a moment, as view Dean through his eyes. God, he really is a bit embarrassing isn’t he? He tries to sell Jude cocaine in the toilets, but clearly has no idea where he is or which way is up. Jude tells Evie that Dean was trying to do a line off the wall mirror, and later reveals that he turned the baggie inside out and licked the inside clean in a pathetic attempt to get a tiny bit more cocaine into his system. Shane and Claire are disgusted too, and Evie promises herself that she won’t spend anymore time with him. She’s done. 

After several reconciliation attempts, Dean realises that he must do something more drastic to get Evie back, because he refuses to lose after putting so much work into her already. He buys her an especially thoughtful birthday gift and shows up on her doorstep to give her a heartfelt apology that he doesn’t really mean, but it works. He says he doesn’t want to be her boyfriend, but that he fancies her, so he’d like if they could just spend some time together. What does Evie have to lose anyway? It’s not like other men are interested in her, and as much as she still loves Jude, she’s convinced that he feels nothing for her anymore. She might as well get some experience. 

Here begins the most difficult part of the story, as Evie begins to lie to those closest to her and withdraw from them so that she doesn’t have to admit that she’s dating a person that they all disapprove of. Through her isolation, Evie is more vulnerable to Dean now, who has begun to let the mask drop as his personal family situation has worsened. Evie gets the brunt of his bad moods now. 

Dean is frustrated in the library scene in 2.16 because he doesn't have the mental bandwidth to study, nor the education, nor the time. He takes this out on Evie who feels compelled to try and make him feel better through encouragement, which doesn’t work. He gets angry with her for daring to try and give him advice, because he doesn't respect her at all. She’s stupider than he is, stupid enough to date him, therefore her opinions are invalid. He’s also frustrated over Evie’s reluctance to sleep with him. He’s been waiting forever and she won’t let him do anything with her. She still hasn’t told him that she’s a virgin. 

He softens for a moment when he believes that she might relent to him in the library, but the moment she puts up a boundary he gets upset and picks a fight with her. They’ve likely had this argument several times now, but Evie is just not ready to have sex yet. He makes her promise to do it with him the following week when her house is free, and she agrees, mainly, as she reveals later, to just make him shut up about it. 

Obviously it goes badly - Evie is nervous and Dean is disappointed, but I’ve always felt like he had enough chances to understand that she’s not as ready or experienced as she says she is. As soon as she turns on the TV he really should have figured it out - I mean, he probably did but didn’t care. She won’t even look at him for fear of what might be set into motion, but Dean does his best to make her feel comfortable in the ways that he knows how. Another sign she’s not ready is when she turns off the light in the bedroom, and he has to ask her to turn it back on so that he can see her. Evie is naive, she doesn’t know how it goes, and perhaps is used to sex scenes on TV taking place in the dark. She also is horrified by the idea of being naked in front of him, but she does it anyway. Might as well get it over with. 

Of course, she’s not in it, and Dean can tell. He gets frustrated with her and leaves quickly after, giving her an excuse. Evie of course, detects immediately that something is wrong and blames herself for it. She reaches out to Claire for comfort but then quickly remembers that Claire isn’t supposed to know about this. She calls Jude, but doesn’t mention what’s just happened. 

  2.18 - 2.20 really are Evie’s darkest moments in the whole story. We see things reach a point of despair with Dean, whose thinly veiled respect for her has vanished by this point, as we see in the scene where he horribly berates her in the artist studio. Claire is upset to learn about her lies and leaves her to deal with everything on her own. By the time the summer comes, we know that Evie is drinking to excess, going out to nightclubs as often as possible and sleeping in until noon. The fact that Dean is just using her for the convenience of her apartment and her body is completely clear - and he’s ground her down to a point where she just lets him do whatever he wants to. He doesn’t even have to be nice to her first. 

Throughout these fraught moments with Dean, you can see that Evie is still trying to grasp at any semblances of interest he might have in her. She tries to ignore the horrible vibes and joke with him, start conversations, even gauge his interest in her weekend plans by bringing up Jen and Jude, but he doesn’t care. 

Readers often found the part in chapter 2.19 where he criticizes her untidy room to be pretty shocking, I think. He says that one day she’ll marry a man who’ll buy her a house, and he’ll think she’s ungrateful if she doesn’t keep it clean. I think this is a particularly horrible thing to say, because it implies he feels sorry for whoever that man is, and that he, Dean, will already have nothing to do with her by that point. She’s just a notch on his belt. He lets her know this fact in many different ways, but Evie doesn't really care anymore - it’s not like anyone else likes her like that. 

Of course, chapter 2.19 is also where Evie takes her anger out on Jude, who says he’s just trying to help (I’ll revisit this scene later!). I think that in some ways she blames him for what has happened to her, because if he had just loved her back then she never would have ended up with someone like Dean. She’s upset because Jen laughed at her for dating Dean, as though her life’s decisions are a joke, and when Jude laughs along it’s the final nail in the coffin. She tells him they cannot be friends, and isolates herself from the last people who really care about her. 

I revisited this period in Evie’s life a lot later on in 3.25 in that conversation in the cabin with Jude. The purpose of that was to create a sense of uncovering something repressed. Evie wasn’t truly ready to think about the things that were happening to her in part 2, and the only way she could deal with them was to dissociate. Things really were worse than she told herself they were, which is why Jude is so shocked at this moment. 

She mentions the constant partying, the drunken sex that she doesn’t remember, the insults thrown at her from Dean all of the time, and the ways that she ultimately came to believe what he was saying to her as he tore her already fragile self-esteem to shreds. I think it makes extra sense why she was so dead inside during the finale of part 2 with this additional context. 

The pool party chapter goes as it goes… we see the final stage of all of these toxic relationship dynamics. Evie is thrilled that Dean is being nice to her and kissing her in front of people, even though she knows that it’s only because he’s on MDMA. He blows up when she refuses to have sex with him in the gym and says she’s boring and stupid when she suggests having a conversation for once. He sneers at her and fails to defend her against Marnie’s passive aggression, and then eventually challenges her to do drugs with him, hoping that she won’t and that she’ll walk away feeling pathetic. 

But it’s not like she has anything to lose anymore, which is why she does it, or maybe she just has some hopeful idea that he might like her more once she’s tried it. Obviously, the relationship ends the way that it does when Evie learns that he’s been sleeping with her ‘friends’ alongside her, and that they’ve known about it the entire time. He’s also been complaining about her and sharing intimate details with others, including the fact that she was awkward in bed and never gave him head. Innocent, sheltered Evie (thanks Marian) is genuinely shocked. She never knew that people could really act in these ways, that someone could care so little about her that they would betray her like that. 

In the end, Dean doesn’t care anyway. He sees nothing wrong with his behavior, and in fact always saw her as fair-game because she was too naive to know any differently. His philosophy is that if a person is going to leave themselves open for manipulation, then they deserve everything that happens to them. He doesn’t see himself as the villain, he sees her as the fool. It’s her fault for developing feelings for him or expecting him to be genuine when he never claimed to be. I think this moment really illustrates the complete destruction of Evie’s worldview and innocence - she’ll never be the same trusting girl she used to be, because he’s ruined her. 

I think the worst thing about this moment is that he isn't even bothered enough to match her anger, and is calm for the duration of the conversation, like maybe he’s had it before, he’s done this to other girls. He sneers at her for her emotions and thinks of her as weak. When she asks him why he bothered to do this to her, he shrugs and admits that he likes that she was young. He just wanted to get his hands on her and see what it’d be like. After all of her dreams of finding the perfect man, all of the messages instilled in her in childhood, this is what she got. A guy who was attracted to her youth and inexperience, as it brought him excitement to be the one to ruin her. 

I do think they both lose here though, and they were both delusional in their own ways. Evie, for the reasons outlined already, but Dean because of his expectations of what dating Evie would actually be like. He becomes angry and frustrated to learn that she’s shy, awkward and self conscious in bed, and yet the sole reason he chose her is for that innocence. He wanted two opposing things all at once. A young, sexy woman who would allow herself to be guided and ‘taught’ by him, and yet he expected her to somehow know what to do. He’s furious, I guess, because porn doesn’t show this part. 

In the end though, it really does hurt her more than it hurts him. Evie will go through the rest of her life with these scars, allowing them to affect her future relationships and her confidence and love for herself, whereas Dean forgets all about it. What’s implied is that he was so frequently on drugs in part two that he really didn’t register a lot of what was happening. We see this is 3.24 when they run into one another for the last time in a bar, and his memories of the time are garbled. Perhaps he’s just pretending not to remember to save face, but I genuinely feel like he forgets. It’s the final slap in the face, because he’s left a permanent mark on her and he doesn’t even remember doing it. 

I guess the point is that that’s life, and the bad guys don’t always lose in the end. Evie must accept it and move on, changed forever.

[mandy4ever69420]

the thing also about fiona in ride or die is like she really was giving ian her level best advice with the information she had it's very sweet i mean this is one of the few times i think ian hears that someone's proud of him from someone who it is actually a good thing to hear that from

& it's not like fiona knows how careful mickey was w ian's bipolar because both ian and mickey are very private about how they are when they're being sweet. side effect of living in homophobia but being a private person who is loving in a way that's really no one's business is one of my favorite features of this relationship it's very sweet it means smth to me. interestingly this is the relationship that most disregards ian's need for his love to be Witnessed like w caleb trevor even he wants to talk about kash to mandy. he Wants to take mickey out but can't tell anyone about the things that little things Mean to him. and yet it still bites them in the ass a bit bc w/no one knowing there's also no one to understand what it means when it's lost. or where it was really really good.

she's also not technically wrong that running off with mickey would screw with ian's career i mean i don't believe he mentioned mexico to her but the #1 thing on my mind with that was that it is much much harder to do medical work in a second language especially since ian would have to learn spanish from scratch probably get recertified etc. مع أني بعرف الكلمات زي كسل غدة الدرقية أو فاقد الواعي عالاكيد ما عتقد ممكن لي احكي مع أي واحد على مرضه بهداك الطريقة you just need so much specific information so fast blah blah

anyway. this unfortunately very sweet attempt at support in a long line of everyone in shameless asking the wrong person for advice happens in the same damn episode as fiona selling out to a gentrifier part one out of 1000 and deciding a very nice woman's autonomy is worth a certain monetary value. ntm debbie's job there lol. so i still need to chase her with an axe

it'd be one thing also if we didn't know this woman it'd still suck yeah but maybe if she was really distant and unresponsive it'd be like ok maybe she does need assisted living but no we see she's vivid and charming and specifically that fiona shared a bond with her that she built on purpose and the ditched because it was hard or because it didn't pay. the scene with her playing music and dancing with her.

so the thing here is that fiona didn't even build a boundary as to who she'd fuck over based on personal affection or her own morals which is also like brought to the front again with comrade IAN specifically in the whole #occupyfiona thing like she won't even build a barrier against fucking over her sweet little baby brother. because she can endlessly self justify & she knows ian and her loving each other in this one will eventually make the conflict go away even if the hurt remains. Man

[sugar-spice-everything-vice]

hi! so, i was writing about monica gallagher and realized how little of carl and monica content we got and i wanted to hear your perspective on the two of them? i recently realized that carl never saw monica again after her suicide attempt in 2x11, and there was the whole 2x10 car account situation. i feel like he wasn’t as affected by her death as the other siblings (not including liam) because he wasn’t raised by her. like, the other siblings (again not including liam) all begrudgingly viewed her as their mother, but carl really always viewed fiona as that (like in 1x10 when he looks to fiona for approval of doing what monica asked him to do). like, monica fucked the first four kids up a lot, and i’m not saying she didn’t fuck up carl, because she did (kassidi)- but it seems different? the two characters who weren’t raised by/close with monica ended up okay. fiona was parentified, lip lost respect for women, ian’s bipolar + has commitment issues, and debbie has severe abandonment issues and mommy issues (they all do but yk). and again, i get she did a number on carl, like with kassidi, but he ended up okay and not as permanently fucked up as the rest of them? also, i get debbie was raised by fiona just as much as carl but it’s a bit different with her considering her abandonment anxiety and season 7. we literally learn that carl was born in the truck outside and monica split shortly after, and fiona said she “washed carl’s shitty diapers”- and although she did raise them all, i feel like carl was the start of the era of fiona literally being their mom. sorry i wrote way too much and got kinda carried away lol i didn’t mean to but what do you think about this??

hiii; im so sorry this took me a while to get to; i got sick and then got behind on work stuff; so annoying!!

i feel like the relationship between carl and monica is really interesting; i agree that carl sees fiona more as a mom than monica; theres definitely a distance between him and carl; where hes more of an outside observer to her and the wreckage she causes rather than being a participant who is directly affected by it in the way his siblings are

however, i do think theres a part of Carl that still wishes there was something more with him and Monica; i think he doesn't really understand why; but I see him looking at how affected his siblings are by her and feeling like an outsider; I think his insecurities might project themselves onto his lack of relationship with Monica as well, especially considering she left as soon as he was born; like was he not enough for Monica in the way he seems to not be for others?

And that mindset is of course something that defines his relationships and why he lacks boundaries and puts up with people like Kassidy. Now, not that Kassidy's arc was executed well, but if it had been, it could've very well said something to him seeking out the turbulent and overwhelming type of relationship he saw his siblings have with Monica. I see him wanting that because he wants to belong.

Also that just got me thinking; having Ian not be Frank's kid works because of his parallels to Monica, although I wish they had done more with that; but, considering Carl's identity issues and his complicated relationship with Frank...now I'm thinking about how interesting it might have been to have Carl be or at least have him think, that he's not Frank's kid.

[ksfoxwald]

Fire and Hemlock Readalong - Part 2 Chapter 5

In which Polly becomes a clown.

If you remember the stolen pictures, we've been seeing them manifest one by one - there was the horse, and the people playing violins in the form of the Dumas Quartet, and now the clown picture as Polly ends up playing the lead in Pierrot, an Italian pantomime about a sad clown who is crossed in love.

It's actually Nina who gets cast as Pierrot, but when she literally breaks her leg Polly has to take over.

This is once again a crossdressing role, and very queer. Nina in particular tends to show up in queer situations, first as King Herod, then as Pierrot. She's becoming obsessed with the Doors, which parallels her to Seb, a boy. And in the play itself:

It was quite easy to pretend to be crossed in love, because Columbine was a very pretty Third Year girl called Kristie Jefferson. Polly and Nina much admired Kristie. On the other hand, neither of them liked the red-haired girl called Fiona Perks, who was Pierette.

So I'm definitely here for bisexual Nina. DWJ calls Nina "silly," but there's a lot more to her than that. She crosses boundaries as much as Polly does, just in different ways.

Polly attempts to circumvent the Leroys' prohibitions by having Nina send Tom tickets to the play with the note "I am in this. Call me Pierrot. The O.C. is an egg-shaped locket with T.C.'s hair in it."

More on that in a moment.

The way DWJ describes the second performance is very magical:

She had a sudden sense that she was part of a transparent charmed pattern in which everything had to go in the one right way because that was the only way it could go... The pattern had been there always, even though they were all making it at just that moment.

Tom is there, so it could be Tom's magic, or perhaps Polly's, or the two of them together. Polly's is the magic of knowing things, Tom's is the magic of creating things, and this is very much at the intersection of both. Or perhaps it's not but rather a metaphor for the rest of the magic, but that seems too simplistic. Everything in this book is layered.

Polly manages to meet Tom after the show for just a moment - we later learn that Fiona, who desperately wants to be friends with Polly, secretly followed her and watched the encounter. Tom is there with Mary Fields, which prevents them from talking too much about hero business. In a way, Mary represents Tom turning away from the hero business and the imaginary world as well. He is doing it partly to protect Polly, as he is starting to realize his relationship with her is not entirely appropriate, but it's a halfhearted effort. Honestly I feel bad for Mary Fields; she's positioned by the narrative to be the Other Woman, but she's clearly a decent person. She doesn't like Polly, probably because she can tell Tom's relationship with her is strange, but she makes an effort to be nice to her.

The horribly ironic part about the rift between Tom and Polly is that Polly has figured out exactly what the Obah Cypt is, but neither of them realize it because they're both so distracted by their ordinary problems.

On her way home, Polly encounters Morton Leroy, who attempts to warn her away again. He brings up the opal necklace:

"Do you truly think that pendant you wear is going to keep you safe? It won't. I got its measure a while back."

This is another thing that is merely hinted at, and you have to work out what it is around the edges. @no-where-new-hero pointed out the significance of the pendant as a sort of double-edged sword, and also its relation to her disconnect from Nowhere. Jewelry, after all, is a grown-up thing symbolizing womanhood over girlhood and tomboyishness (though not entirely; rings and lockets are acceptable in hero worlds as long as they are enchanted and possibly evil).

The implication of Morton's words is also that it does or did function as protection, perhaps keeping her safe during her last visit and allowing Tom to form the quartet. But by now the Leroys have managed to turn it to their advantage, the way they do with other aspects of reality, as shown by their next move.

[fionagrierau]

Fiona Grier Shares 5 Tips for First-Time Home Buyers in Singapore

Fiona Grier, one of the renowned property experts assisting buyers in Singapore and Australia, has some useful and simple-to-follow tips. Having Several years of experience, Fiona Grier has taken several first-time buyers through the process of buying a home. In this article, she gives five easy tips to help you begin your property journey in Singapore with ease.

1. Understand What You Can Afford

The initial step that Fiona Grier suggests is to know your budget. You should be budget-conscious before you start viewing homes. You ought to have a keen investigation of your savings and income, plus the loans you currently hold. In Singapore, the majority of citizens finance their homes through a combination of cash, CPF savings, and a bank loan. Online calculators are suggested by her to estimate the amount that you can borrow.

 You should also talk to a bank or mortgage counselor to have a better understanding of your budgetary boundaries. She reminds customers that they should not overspend. You should always make allowance for additional expenses like renovation, legal expenses, and taxes.

2. Choose the Right Type of Property

After knowing your budget, the second step would be to select the appropriate type of property. The types of housing available in Singapore include HDB flats, Executive Condominiums, and private condominiums. The HDB flats are generally cheaper and are preferred among first-time purchasers. Executive Condominiums are a cross between public and private housing and are a little higher in price. The rules in private condos are the most relaxed; however, they are also the most expensive.

She persuades buyers to consider their long-term strategies. If you have an intention to spend many years there, create a family, or just rent it out later, the kind of property you select must be aligned with your intentions.

3. Pay Close Attention to Location

Another important criterion is location. Fiona Grier recommends that buyers consider where they would like to reside. A good location is near public transport, schools, shops, and parks. Although a property might look ideal on paper, its location can significantly impact your comfort and convenience. She advises coming to the area at other times of the day to observe the traffic, noise, and safety. A large number of first-time buyers consider such regions as Punggol, Sengkang, or Jurong, which are under development and potentially can provide a better value in the long run.

4. Learn the Buying Process in Singapore

One should also know the procedure for buying a home in Singapore. She adds that it involves quite a number of steps, and failure to attend to one of them may result in delays. You will have to see whether you are eligible, apply for and secure loans, pay fees, and undergo legal procedures.

 These are receiving a letter from the bank, paying an option fee, signing contracts, and lastly receiving your keys. It may sound confusing, particularly the initial time. She is sure that when you understand what may be expected at every stage, you feel more controlled and less nervous.

5. Work with a Trusted Property Agent

Finally, Fiona Grier emphasises the importance of engaging an agent who can be trusted with property. The process of purchasing a home is massive and you will need some besides you who is familiar with the market and can assist you in the process. 

A great agent will listen to what you need, will answer your questions, and will ensure that you do not miss out on anything significant. She is patient in explaining things, and she is client-oriented. She will go the extra mile to ensure a successful purchase, whether you are doing it as a home buyer trying to get a home for your family, or you are doing it as an investor.

Purchasing a first home in Singapore does not necessarily have to be perplexing. It may be bumpy and anxiety-ridden without the proper support and a little bit of planning, but it can also be an advantageous experience. Fiona Grier offers five tips to help you make informed and confident decisions: know your budget, select the right property, consider location, understand the process, and seek professional advice. Are you about to make that very first step into the property market? Then Fiona Grier is there to guide you every step of the way.

[ezraromilly]

Check it out! Here's the prologue of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter meets The Walking Dead Universe crossover story! Feel free to check it out:

Before the world fell apart, Ezra Romilly was just another Slytherin student--cunning, resourceful, and fiercely loyal to those he cares about. Ezra never quite fit into the typical Slytherin mold. While others in the house prized their pure-blooded heritage or schemed for power, he was more interested in brewing potions, sneaking off to study in the Forbidden Forest, and pushing the boundaries of magical knowledge. The Sorting Hat called him a "wild card", before ultimately sorting him into Slytherin.

When the outbreak began, Ezra's natural instincts for survival kicked in. He's always been a problem solver, somebody who could think three steps ahead, and it quickly became clear that these qualities were no longer just advantages--they were essential. Ezra was among the first students to know that something was wrong, spotting the early signs of chaos outside the castle grounds.

His parents, Fiona and Evangelos Romilly, were influential figures within the wizarding world, and Ezra had grown up in the shadows of their expectations.

But now, those expectations mean nothing. Survival doesn't care about blood status, family legacies, or even about decades of house rivalries. And neither does Ezra. Especially when he has to learn to rely on his wits and his wand--and to question whether his Slytherin ambition could be repurposed in a world where the rules here changed entirely.