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#Fresh Hindi Jokes
sotruecomedyapp · 2 months
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The SOTRUE Stand-Up Comedy App: Your Daily Dose of Laughter
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Conclusion
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tigre-edi-rawr · 10 months
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week 48
what a week. what. a. fucking. week.
i got so overwhelmed with the things i needed to do to excel in my new tasks at work, i skipped doing the habits i wanted to keep for my own happiness and growth, for now. maybe when i finally catch up at work, i will be able to go back at reading books, going out alone and enjoying my own company.
for real, when i was on the other team, i got so many idle hours at work where i got so bored and eventually gotten used to doing nothing. this didn't help my brain to function correctly tbh.
well, anyway, i am just happy about my new team and new work tasks. i am resolving issues raised by users from business every single day, my brain was busy 12 hours a day, which did not help in making a good and long sleep because whenever i try to sleep it feels like my brain is still busy exercising lol
i learned a lot at work.
December 1, 2023:
i woke up early so i decided to go to work ahead of time. i took a lot of time doing self-care before leaving the house to travel and report to our office at BGC.
i bought mango royal, been craving for it so long and finally enjoyed it during my travel from laguna to alabang.
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when i was in market-market, i saw an earrings stand. i decided to take a look and buy a pair of earrings but then i saw "FREE PIERCING" and the impulsiveness strikes. i got a helix piercing! been wanting to do it for so long, and when i finally did, i could not be more happier.
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work timeeeeeeee, again, i was busy. until i heard the bad news that my ticket got breached. the thing about breached ticket is that our company will pay the business for these kinds of errors on our end. so that is a bummer, fucking ruined my afternoon. but as resilient as i am, i worked hard rather than sulk, iykyk.
THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY: we were having our monthly meeting for the team's performance for the whole month of november. it was almost reaching the end, when they wanted to make a little recognition to a bride-to-be member of our team. some are giving their kind message to the bride-to-be, when suddenly one of the managers shouted "TANUNGIN MO SI DATH! GALING YAN NG LIVE-IN TAPOS NAGBREAK" while he was laughing and everyone laughed in the meeting room.
when i heard those words, i was insanely mind blown. my reaction was "damnnnnnnnnn" with a shocked face, purposely doing the loud voice to make it known that it was not something to laugh nor talk about. my reaction turned the room of laughter and teasing into silence. it was my boss at work who made that inappropriate and below the belt joke, but who the fuck cares? no one is gonna be entitled enough to tell my story without my permission, especially for those people who didn't know even know one bit of my story.
right then, hearing and seeing my reaction, he said "ay titigil na nga ako"
it's not about the fact that i run out of home then lived with my ex-boyfriend. who the fuck gives a damn? because i know i don't. what am i? 12? what year is this? the '90s?
then one fucking comment was irritating me so much, i wanted to fucking punch the person in the face. "para ka talang iiyak na kanina. pero okay lang yan. hindi ka pa okay. hindi ka pa nakakamove on. very fresh pa lahat kaya affected ka pa." PUTANGINA MO GIRL, THE AUDACITY TO FUCKING GASLIGHT ME INSTEAD OF STATING THE FACT THAT THE MANAGER WHO WAS FEELING ENTITLED ENOUGH TO MAKE THE JOKE WAS NOT SANE.
but after that, i go back to my work, do the things i needed to finish. then the manager suddenly sit beside me and apologized multiple times, explaining he shouldn't have done that, it was inappropriate, blah blah. at that moment, i was feeling fulfilled. i did not let myself down by just understanding people and throw aside the fact that i was mistreated. i stood up head high, i was there for myself. the fact that he knew he was wrong and apologized for it makes it more rewarding.
after work, i went out with my friends at work. the bitch got a little tipsy, but traveled back to laguna.
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that was it for my 48th week this year. what a mess.
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thebusinessdevelopment · 11 months
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punjabi status
Elevate Your Mood with Punjabi Status: Explore a World of Expressions
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pisayers · 1 year
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Smirnoff Bottles
The Smirnoff bottles were organized in a neat pile on the plastic table as the moon overhead shone bright in the night sky. My sandals creaked on the tiled floor, sticky with a concoction of various forms of alcohol and vomit. I spot the landlady passed out on the couch, her fingers stained with Cheetos dust and different empty glasses of Embassy whiskey on the coffee table next to her. Guess even she couldn’t resist joining the house party.
My dad always told me that for every bottle of beer that you drink, there is always a story that stands out, and boy! This was a night full of stories. With nine bottles of Smirnoff Mule still circulating in my tummy, some of which wanting to leave through my mouth, I got up to the rooftop to get some fresh air. I needed to reflect on the night.
1st Bottle
Elena sat next to me with a martini glass dangling on her fingers. With her purse still draped around her shoulder complimenting the all black dress and stilettos, she sat down and crossed her legs, stretching her right arm and accidentally slapping me on my forehead.
“Ay! Sorry.” she shouted.
I rubbed my temples to soothe the slight pain. “Oks lang.”
A deafening silence permeated between the two of us. My introverted ass could not think of a topic to save my life, but I wanted to at least have some small talk with her before we all graduate in a few days. The last impression is just as important as the first one, in my opinion.
“So, may jowa ka, ‘di ba?” I asked. Not the best icebreaker question. I know.
Taken aback, she mockingly put her sharp black polished nails on her chest and looked at me with wide eyes.
“Meron na. Ikaw?” Almost instantaneously, she recoiled back to her crossed leg position.
“Wala pa.”
“Awww okay lang ‘yan. ‘Di bale sa college marami ‘yan.”
“Sana.” I nodded.
The deafening silence came back. We stared at each other, begging the other to continue the conversation beneath our eyes. At last, she jerked back up to ask another question.
“Alam mo bang nagkacrush ako sa ‘yo last month?”
I spat the Smirnoff all over the coffee table. I downed the remaining mule in the bottle, got up, and left in mock disgust. Elena chuckled.
Cheers to all the what could have beens in our romantic stories.
2nd Bottle
I sat on the black couch with Kenzie, her glittery turtleneck sweater dancing in the chandelier lights above us. Clasped around her hand was a small glass of what seemed to be Empecoke, and I added more of my Smirnoff as a joke.
“Huy! Gago ka. ‘Wag.” she shouted.
We both drowned in a sea of snickers and smiles. She took a small sip and with eyes lit up, she handed the glass over, beckoning me to try it out. I try the concoction and swallow it with a painful expression all over my face.
“Ba’t siya maalat?” I yelled.
“Hindi lang ‘yan Empecoke, eh. ‘Di ko lang alam kung ano pang linagay ni Elena, pero halu-halo ‘yan.”
“Iniinom mo ta’s ‘di mo alam kung ano nahalo?”
“Oms.”
We both drowned in a sea of snickers and smiles once more.
Cheers to all the acquaintances that will disappear from our lives in a few days.
3rd Bottle
As I was walking back to the coffee table, I heard a shriek from the right side of the room. Amidst the blasting karaoke of Gloc 9’s verse in Bagsakan, I shambled my way over to find Minney draped in the arms of Rona on one side and patted on the back by Sara on the other.
“Oks lang ba kayo dito?” I asked worriedly.
Out of nowhere, Minney got up, pointed at me, and shouted a clusterfuck of profanities and curse words that struck me to my core with confusion. As Rona got up and pulled me away, Sara pulled her back down to her chair, nearly toppling both of them over. I keep asking Rona questions, but she keeps nudging me farther and farther away until we reach the bathroom. She slammed the door shut behind us and swung the lock to the side. Without context, it looked like I was about to lose my virginity. Considering the circumstances, however, I was prepared for an argument.
The bathroom was a mess. Pitch darkness surrounded us along with wafts of ammonia and alcohol. Whatever spillage was beneath me seeped through my sandals, damping my feet with and turning them soggy. I could faintly see the outline of Rona’s body, her dark hair falling down to her shoulders and what seemed like her arms crossed together.
“Anong ginawa ko?” I asked.
“Wala. Nagdradrama lang siya.”
“Ba’t mo ‘ko hinila dito?”
“Para makalimutan ka muna niya saglit.”
“Gaano katagal?”
“Five minutes lang.”
She whipped out her phone from her back pocket, a slight tinge of blue light illuminating her features. The yellow rims of her glasses shone in the blue light with a faint outline of what was on her screen being reflected on the lens. I could only make out that she was on Messenger, but I didn’t know to whom or what it was about.
In what felt like an eternity, Rona finally beckoned me to get out. I swung the lock back, opened the door, and like a vampire, was blinded by the chandelier lights and deafened by the chatter in the living room. I poked my head out to see if Minney and Sara were back on the chairs, but Minney was gone. Sara was alone, sipping on a piña colada and browsing GOT7 fancams through her iPad. Her face lit up every time Jackson Wang’s face popped up on the screen. I hate to interrupt, but I needed answers.
I tapped her on the shoulder.
“Sara, ba’t siya galit sa’kin?”
She looked up at me with glowing eyes and a bright smile. I immediately remembered those times when I had a crush on her in our junior years. Every ten-minute break, I would go up to her table and spit out the snarkiest and corniest lines I thought were flirtatious in my head at the time. Her two seatmates gave me eyerolls every time they could, but she loved it. Sadly, she didn’t reciprocate my feelings.
She replied, “Uhhh, wala naman. Bakit?”
“Umiiyak siya, eh? Parang may nagawa akong mali.”
She stood up and patted me on the shoulder. “Wala. Pramis.”
Just like that, she walked away with her iPad, a Minecraft parkour video on Tiktok playing on the screen. Clearly, she was hiding something and was too uncomfortable to share it with me.
Minney couldn’t leave my mind, though. The thought that I must have hurt someone somehow in my final year in high school made tears well up in my eyes. I froze in place, the last gulp of mule in the bottle getting warmer and warmer as time passed. At last, I drank the last of it, pretending to forget what just happened.
Cheers to all the people you have beef with. May your issues stay petty.
4th Bottle
To forget about the entire Minney situation, I went up to the rooftop to get some fresh air. The dark and ghastly clublike vibes on the living room were incomparable to the bright lights and symphony of laughter on the rooftop. A beer pong game commenced in front of the doorway, except instead of beer, the shots were filled with cognac brandy that was sure to knock someone’s socks off after the first sip. To the left of the beer pong table was a cobblestone bench with some of the most popular couples in the batch making out. I averted my eyes immediately. On the far end corner, however, was a barbecue grill with the smell of Jamaican jerk chicken making the partygoers levitate from their slightly inebriated state.
I squeezed my way through the crowd to find Abe in his hair net and apron uniform flipping a chicken leg with stainless steel tongs. Clinging to his forearm was Brenda feeding him one of several apple crumble muffins she made before the house party. Her pastries were always the best sellers on campus, and as a result, she even managed to save up enough money to enroll in a private university not far from Abe’s.
“Oh, hello! Are you enjoying the party?” he asked.
“I’m having fun. You?”
“Yeah. I’m just focused on getting our pulutan ready.” Damn. Even the pulutan was high end in their place.
“Yow, ‘usto mo ng muffin?” Brenda shouted.
My head started throbbing from the ringing in my ears. “Hindi, okay lang.”
Before I could even gossip with them for a little while, a young dark-haired woman with glitter mascara and green contacts pulled me into the cobblestone bench and started crying, burying half of her face on my lap.
“Aloe, okay ka lang?” I inquired.
She continued to release streams of tears into my gray joggers. I swear, this is going to look like pre-ejaculate once I get out of this mess. But I didn’t mind. We have vented a lot of our problems to each other for the past school year, and I don’t want to act like I didn’t value our friendship.
What followed was one of the longest tirades I have ever had to sit through in my life.
“You know, they’re fucking traitors! You don’t understand. Imagine spending so many years of your high school life thinking that you’re in a warm circle of friends when all of a sudden, they disown you like you’re a dog? I mean, what kind of friends do that?”
Aloe jolted her head upward, nearly colliding with my chin. Gone was the makeup she probably spent hours on before going to the party. It was now coated with a mix of tears, snot, and a painted background of her red cheeks and puffy eyes finalizing what looked like an image of a witch staring straight to my soul. Her arms were putting pressure on my thighs, her left dangerously close to my crotch. Sadly, the tirade continued.
“I mean, for the past few years, I’ve been improving upon my character again and again and again, but they just don’t see it? Are they fucking blind? You know what? I’ll find better people in college. People who will actually fight for me. People who…”
Without her noticing, I gently carried her arms, placed them on a passed out guy’s lap, and went back down to the living room, chugging a Smirnoff bottle and colliding with a couple of paintings on the way down. Her tirade fell on deaf ears for the rest of the night.
Cheers to lifelong friendships.
5th Bottle
From this point forward, I didn’t remember what was going on. The visions in my head about the party are getting hazier, and the interactions I had with the people there are becoming more and more unproductive. Luckily, my alcoholic genes allowed me to recognize this, and I decided to take this fifth bottle slowly, ducking my head through an open window to get fresh air.
Cheers to drunken stupor.
6th Bottle
Never mind. I guess I didn’t know any better. I didn’t even remember downing the entire 5th bottle in a matter of thirty seconds when Denise was shaking me by the shoulders to get me out of my trance.
“Hey! Wake up! Stop drinking so much!”
I managed to snap out of it and scan my surroundings. I was back down at the living room along with my other batchmates aiding in the creation of a jungle juice concoction. With one corner slicing all kinds of fruits and the other corner pouring a lifetime’s worth of gin and whiskey in the tub, I rushed to the jungle juice station to give some of it a try when Denise suddenly pulled me by my shirt from behind.
“Where are you going? Stop this right now!”
In slight frustration, I turned around and gave her the most murder-intensifying death stare possible.
“What do you want from me, Denise?”
“I want you to stop drinking for now.”
“Let me have fun!”
“You’re not okay!”
“I know what’s going on around me right now.”
“No you don’t! Just trust me, please?”
I resigned. No point arguing in what could possibly be one of our last nights as a batch together with someone who I wasn’t even acquainted with.
She ran towards the dining table and started sobbing, desperately trying to rub the tears away from her eyes.
“Hey, hey. Denise, what’s going on?”
“I just don’t want you to end up like dad.”
Cheers to the ones we have lost on our journey.
7th Bottle
I don’t even remember what chain of events happened that led me here, but Abe was now practically drowning me with a large teacup full of water to get me to sober up. The teacup was so comically huge that I thought it was Aladdin’s lamp at first. Word is that as I was walking down the steps to grab another glass of their trademarked jungle juice, I collided with a wall so hard that it created a peephole to one of the bedrooms. Then, when Brenda peeped through the newly created hole, a couple was spotted doing some… mischievous acts, to say the least. But that’s a story I don’t want to discuss for fear that I might get details wrong.
Cheers to unprotected sex, I guess.
8th Bottle
After a counseling session with Denise, I decided to leave her for a while and go back up to the rooftop with my mind fresher than ever thanks to Abe. Gone were the beer pong participants and the borderline baby-making shenanigans on the cobblestone bench. All that was left was Abe and Brenda by the barbecue grill, someone passed out on the balcony, and a select few bystanders who elected not to drink anymore.
I could distinctly hear the muffled sound of a man inside one of the rooms. His voice was deep, almost monotone, and possessed no change of intonation or emotion that I doubted if he was even a batchmate of ours. I barged into the door only to be met with Chris, a good friend of mine.
“Wazzap, pare!” he greeted.
We dapped up and he sat back down on the bed as if nothing happened. He picked up his phone and vigorously swiped at the screen multiple times as I sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, the Smirnoff bottle still dangling by my fingers. It was photos of our batchmates in the batch group chat.
One by one, the photos passed like a stop motion film as he kept swiping through. The Google Meet screenshots, the role plays that took two months of preparation, the random basketball games with bricked layups and airballed threes, the spontaneous mall outings, the notes in different colored ink, the cringiest memes, the band performances, the class suspensions brought by typhoons, the past couples who are now with entirely different people. My heart sank. A lump in my throat began to form. Tears started welling up in my eyes.
As if on cue, Chris looked at me and immediately wrapped me up in a tight hug. I couldn’t imagine all of this ending in a few days. The crossroads were starting to appear before me. To realize that most of the people in the house party were no longer going to be part of my life was devastating, but like the tears on my cheek, I had to keep flowing with the stream of life.
“I’ll miss you, bro.” I stuttered.
“Mamimiss din kita, pre. Kita kits sa Manila.”
Cheers to my batchmates. Hope the crossroads treat you well.
9th Bottle
Everyone was asleep. The EDM songs and howling laughter have now turned into the sounds of crickets and the occasional gust of wind. Bottles and cups were scattered on the floor, and birds began feeding on the remaining chicken and chips on the ledge of the balcony.
With my head pounding and my circadian rhythm being uncooperative, I got out of the room and back onto the rooftop, hoping to get drowsy before the clock strikes three o’clock. The landlady was sweeping the floors with a ragged walis tambo, giving me a death stare as I walked towards one of the cobblestone benches. I understood, though. With us making that much ruckus, I highly doubt she didn’t get any noise complaints from the precinct.
I spotted May sitting on the balcony, her legs tucked into her chest similar to a fetal position. The moonlight danced on her hair, cloaking the bare skin on her shoulders uncovered by her white undershirt. The way she leaned her head on her own knees gave her an almost delicate quality, something you should never approach, as if I was King Midas with my cursed touch. However, she was already in her golden hour. I could never forget the cherry red lipstick that complimented her pretty brown eyes. Those eyes. You could see the stars through their reflection.
I sat next to her, but something tells me that I’m not sleeping any time soon. Perhaps we could wait for the sunrise together. Perhaps the future won’t be so lonely after all.
Cheers to fantasized romantic futures that will never come to fruition.
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quantumspacetime · 3 years
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Log Date 25 04 21
So here's what happened today...
Last night, I was having a miserable time because I, once again, am experiencing one of the worst painful moments a human being could go through-- a toothache. I sent a message to my dentist, describing what I was feeling, and she gave me a prescription and she scheduled an appointment for a tooth extraction. So in the morning, I decided to go out and get a haircut because I thought, if I was going to look like a mess for the next couple of days, at least I'm going to look like a mess with a fresh haircut, right?
After weeks of growing my hair out, since I got a buzz cut the last time I visited a barber shop, I was mildly shocked at how long my hair has gotten. The reason for this is because I don't really own a mirror. The closest thing I have to seeing my reflection is looking at the rearview mirror of my car, and that's saying something.
I asked kuya, the barber, for a regular haircut. He knows me well enough to know what my regular haircut was since he's been cutting my hair for at least a year now. After a few minutes, I got up the chair, paid the shop, and exchanged good byes and thank yous to kuya.
I, then, drove to the nearest pharmacy to buy some pain relievers and antibiotics because of the pain and the swelling. My dentist told me to take antibiotics twice a day for seven days, until the scheduled extraction, and to take pain relievers only as needed. I entered the pharmacy and this guy asked me what I needed. I presented him the prescription, told him I needed fourteen pieces of the antibiotics and four pieces of the pain reliever, but he eyed me suspiciously. I was puzzled and a little bit self-conscious because it was a very hot day and so I was sweating through my eye glasses, face mask, and face shield.
I asked him what was wrong and he said, "'yung reseta po ng doctor for five days lang, dapat ten pieces lang pero sabi niyo fourteen."
"Baka po nagkamali lang si doc? Nakausap ko po siya kagabi, ang sabi niya po ay seven days." I replied.
"Ano nga pong pangalan niyo?" He asked, again.
At this point I was clearly weirded out because my name was legibly written on top of the prescription but I dismissed the thought and gave him my full name. He then asked another personal question--my address. I was creeped out by his line of questioning so I did not answer him this time. He then told me my address; not the specifics, only the barangay. He said it in a tone of confirmation. Needless to say, I didn't know how to respond.
I looked him dead in the eyes and asked, "Opo, pero paano niyo po nalaman?"
There were no answers from him. He just asked, "Nagmeet na po ba tayo before?"
I literally have no idea who this guy is, I couldn't see his face clearly because of the face mask and the faceshield. He was wearing a name tag, though, and it read "Archie," but other than that, I have no way of identifying him.
"Hindi ko po kayo kilala. Pasensya na po pero saan po ba tayo nagmeet? Hindi ko po kasi maalala tsaka baka generic lang po mukha ko." I jokingly said.
He just looked at me for about a second longer than necessary, and took off to get the medicine. He came back with the meds, and the rest of the transaction went smoothly. The whole situation was so bizarre that I just wanted to get out of there as soon as humanly possible. I gave him my thanks and ran to my car as fast as I can, then drove home.
A few minutes later, as I was lounging and eating at our family house's kitchen, I took my phone out of my back pocket to watch some tiktok videos to chill, but to my surprise, I saw a notification from my Facebook app! It was a friend request from a person named Archie! It was one of the most confusing things I've ever been in!
Was the kuya trying to flirt with me? Was that his way of flirting? Was it because of my fresh haircut? Does he have some weird fetish with people buying antibiotics? How in the world did he know where I live? Why would he send a friend request?
I have so many questions and the only way for them to get some serious answers is for me to accept his request, and I don't think I'm willing to do that.
Moral of the story is: DO NOT LOOK AWESOME WHILE HAVING A TOOTHACHE.
No, just joking. :)
love always,
Gerson
24 notes · View notes
oikaw-ugh · 4 years
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Kabanata 8: Fuckner
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"Sir, let me explain," asik agad ni Tanaka pagbukas niya ng pinto ng faculty office.
Nginiwian siya ni Professor Ukai, teacher nila sa major, "Parang tanga 'to, oh. Umupo ka nga diyan."
Napakamot sa ulo si Tanaka bago umupo sa upuang nakaharap sa mesa ni Professor Ukai.
"Pinatawag kita dito para sabihing..." Huminga ng malalim si Prof Ukai bago nilagay ang Stik-O sa bibig niya.
Stik-O kasi child-friendly ang SMAU. Kahit maraming mura at nomi lol
"Pumasa po ako...?" Tanong ni Tanaka.
"Para sabihing ang bobo mo," sagot ni Prof Ukai, "Alam mo ba ilan kuha mo sa midterm exams?"
"Ilan po...?" Pinagpapawisan na ang bolang kristal, guys.
"69 lang naman."
"Sir, malaki naman ang 69, ah?"
"Oo kaso 1,200 items ang exams, tanga," umirap si Prof Ukai. "Pero dahil mabait ako, sige. Bigyan kita ng chance makabawi."
"Ilang floorwax po ba at lampaso?"
"Ano ka? Public grade school?" Reklamo ni Prof Ukai bago binaba ang Stik-O at bumaga ng hangin na para bang yumuyosi talaga, "Ito ang ipapagawa ko..."
"Eto," pinakita ni Prof Ukai ang isang papel kay Tanaka, "Isang linggo kailangan tapos na 'to."
Tinignan ni Tanaka ang pinakita ni Prof Ukai, litrato ni Prof Takeda, "Si Sir Takeda po 'to, ah? Ipapatumba niyo po sa 'kin si Prof Takeda?"
"Ay, gago shet," tumikhim si Prof Ukai bago binawi ang papel at may binigay siyang ibang papel kay Tanaka, "Ito pala ibig kong sabihin. Mga questions 'yan na galing sa exam natin. Sagutan mo tapos ipasa mo sa 'kin. Next Friday mo ipass."
Kinuha ni Tanaka ang papel, "Thank you, Sir," ngumiti si Tanaka. Lubos na nahahabag sa kabaitang ipinamalas ng kaniyang propesor. Walang pagsisidlan ang kasiyahan ng kalbo na binigyan siya ng ikalawang pagkakataon na makabawi sa kaniyang puchu-puchu na marka.
"Pramis po, babawi ako, Sir!" Masayang sabi ni Tanaka.
"Ay, joke! 'Di ka pala mag-isang gagawa niyan," sabi ni Prof Ukai sa gitna ng drama ni Tanaka.
Natigilan si Tanaka, "Sir, ha?"
"Hatdog. Pair kayong sasagot niyan. Isang student ko rin na ibang section. Bagsak gaya mo."
"Po?" Oya ni Tanaka, "Sino po?"
Bago pa makasagot si Prof Ukai, may biglang nagbukas ng pinto sa likuran ni Tanaka dahilan para mapalingon siya at si Prof Ukai.
"Sir, let me explain," asik agad ni Y/N pagbukas niya ng pinto ng faculty office.
Akmang tutuloy na si Y/N nang natigilan siya nung nakita niya si Tanaka. Gaya ni Y/N, gulat din si Tanaka. Namilog ang kaniyang mga mata bago napabukas ang bibig.
"T-Tanaka-senpai," nahihiyang sinabi ni Y/N na ngayon ay kasingpula na ng kamatis ang cheeks.
"Y-Y/N-chan," asik naman ni Tanaka na namumula din ang pisnge pero 'di dahil sa kilig kung hindi dahil sa nerbyos sa kagaguhang ginawa niya nung isang araw.
"Mga weaboo, ampota," nandidiring sinabi ni Prof Ukai bago dinikdik ang Stik-O sa lalagyan na para bang pinapatay ang apoy, "Pair kayong dalawa, Y/N at Tanaka. Magtulungan kayo na hindi na bumagsak."
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Listen to Stupid Love for aesthetic purposes
"Tanaka-senpai!"
Natigil si Tanaka sa pagtitipa ng shade kay Suga nang nakarinig siya ng boses na tumatawag sa kaniya. Nasa hallway na siya ngayon at wala na sa faculty.
Si Y/N pala ang tumatawag sa kaniya. Pula ang pisnge ni Y/N habang mabilis ang lakad papunta kay Tanaka.
"Y-Y/N, ano 'yun?" Nahihiyang sinabi ni Tanaka. Sa totoo lang, ha? Ayaw niyang makita si Y/N. Natatakot kasi siyang totoo pala ang gayuma at tumalab talaga ito.
Ngumiti si Y/N ngayong ilang hakbang nalang ang layo niya kay Tanaka, "Ano, tungkol sa-AY BULALAKAW NA MUKHANG GAGO!"
At gaya ng clichéng mga Wattpad books o romance films, natapilok si Y/N. Tumilapon ang mga libro niya at matutumba sana siya sa sahig kung hindi dahil kay Tanaka na kaagad siyang nasalo. Naks.
At gaya sa libro at mga pelikula, hawak-hawak ni Tanaka si Y/N at nagkatitigan silang dalawa, parang mga tanga sa gitna ng hallway at slow motion ang paghulog ng mga libro for effects.
CHAROT! 'Di yan ang nangyari, nasalo nga ni Tanaka si Y/N pero tumama naman ang noo ni Y/N sa nguso ni Tanaka kaya na-out balance sila at napaupo sa sahig. Nasa ibabaw ni Tanaka si Y/N at kasalukuyan silang natatamaan ng makakapal na libro ni Y/N.
Parang mga tanga.
STUPID (love. Soft as an easy chair)
STUPID (love. Fresh as the morning air)
STUPID (loveeeeee. Love that is shared by two)
STUPID (loveeee I found in you)
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Masterlist
∆ Kabanata 7 ∆ Kabanata 8 ∆ Kabanata 9 ∆
A/N: TAWANG-TAWA AKO DITOOO NAKIKINIG AKO SA STUPID LOVE HABANG NABABASA GAGOOOO
Also, maling screenshot na upload ko sa isa HAHAHAHAHAH sorry po
TAGLIST
@bokuakadaily @ellechanwrites @toripersonalacc @keiyoomi @thesecondapplepienation @leinnah @churochuu @quirklessidiots-trashdump @koushindreia @katsushimaa @writing2live @rkives-keiji
And also @dinosaurtsukki KASI AMPPPP KAPITBAHAY AU NATIN NAAALALA KO IDK WHYYYY HAHAHAHAH
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thewhizzyhead · 4 years
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you very much Should Keep going (if you’d like) I’m reading your tags like 👀👀👀 I wanna know More!!!
dude believe me i only just thought up 90% 9f this while doing my math homework last night so yea this is very barebones and this is very very new have very little to offer but um imma try to explain a bit more fjdjdc SO ANYWAYS GRADE 11
Warning: this is very long and I am very sorry aaAAAA also i only just thought of this last night and a while ago while attending class so um yea it's chaotic.
the songs i've mentioned so far in the tag ramble aren't um consecutive so yeah there are a lot of blank spaces in between fjsjsj and yea I haven't figured out the other leads and their arcs yet (probably 5-6 leads). for now um the planned songs feature 3 of the leads:
Kate - basically answers the question of What If Eva Sanchez Was The Protagonist and What If Eva Sanchez Saw The Hell That Is Don't Even (in this show, this song is called "Anakpota?" or "The Fuck?"); she's a transferee and is having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the new school environment; her reasons for transferring run a bit deeper than just "humanities is a lot more interesting than stem or business shits"; i guess her main character themes are burnout, the want for childlike wonder again and overcoming the fear that comes with chasing what you really want and no i am definitely not self projecting what are you guys talking about smh rhhdhs /hj (altho i admit that this is loosely based on my own experience with deciding to transfer schools) and yea she's a very closeted lesbian that slowly starts to comes out to others and to herself more throughout the course of the show. and also she gets a girlfriend YAY
Noel - rn i don't have that much planned out for him cause u know barebones plot but so far um i guess he's the chill dude, overall good guy, rantaro amami from danganronpa v3 vibes, and he's initially framed as the "love interest" for Kate esp in the song "Ikaw Ba Ay..." or "Are You..." (i wanted that to be a play on the typical Filipino Teen Hetero Romance CAUSE THAT SHIT IS IN EVERYWHERE JFJSJD I AM GONNA MAKE A WHOLEASS RANT ON THAT SOON AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME) but surprise motherfucker BOTH OF THEM ARE GAY AND BOTH BOND OVER IT AND BECOME BEST FRIENDS YAY WOOOO i kinda want him to be like the typical "Filipino Teen Heartthrob" star student with the twist being that he's gay and not make that a throwaway joke cause um yea that's a throwaway joke here that someone who is real catch for the heteros but is actually gay is "sayang" or "worthless" here.
Ella - ngl she is probably gonna end up as the main lead here fjdjd i'd say she has riley+chess vibes aka The School's Hotshot Achiever and Student Leader That Is Very Intimidating But Is Actually Really Freaking Kind and i guess with a dash of Kate Dalton-ish snark. Like i said the plot is barebones rn so i dunno anything but i do imagine them being the one that drives the plot forward due to her outspokenness. I also imagine her to be the one (along with Noel) that makes Kate a lil bit more comfortable with her sexuality and yup you guessed it Ella is gay too (bi to be specific oh and she uses she/they pronouns) and altho still a bit closeted, they're a bit more comfy with it. also they become Kate's gf yay!
those are the leads that i have kinda planned out so far but yea i still gotta expound kna lot of atuff and make up more leads for this but then again i just started conceptualizing this last night so ANYWAYS HERE ARE THE OTHERS SONGS THAT I LITERALLY JUST THOUGHT UP LAST NIGHT (aside from the ones already mentioned)
+ "Nakakapanibago" or "Well This Is New" - Ella and Kate work together on a school project aaand gay panic ensues. both of them take turns in addressing the audience and panicking over each other in um er an "Oh My God She's Very Fucking Cute What The Fuck" way. it kinda has What Is This Feeling from Wicked vibes if you remove the aggression and antagonization jdjsd and i kinda emphasize on how overwhelmed they are cause for Kate, everything - from the school to the subjects to the people - is new and her attraction to Ella is like a cherry bomb on top of a chaos cake while for Ella, who has studied in the school since kindergarten which is why nothing about the school fazes her anymore, Kate is a literal breath of fresh air and the spontaneity scares them and excites them at the same time. The number is comedic (and is chance for me to add a shit ton of wordplay cause yAY WORDPLAY) but i guess also hints at their fears which will definitely come into play later.
+ "Mabuting Laban" or "Good Fight" - a group number led by Ella, this is the first song in the musical that isn't mostly comedic. like um the musical so far (before this song) is mostly somewhat of a parody-just-for-laughs-don't-take-this-seriously piece but with this, the show finally hints to something a lot more serious and insightful. so basically ella tells kate (this scene comes right after the Nakakapanibago sequence) that they have noticed that the latter is um very very shocked at the blatant show of LGBTQ+ stuff. Kate mentions that altho many students have since then spoke up for LGBTQ+ acceptance, things were a lot more conservative back in her former school (once again wooo definitely not self projection /hj) so like seeing all this is very new to her. Ella then mentions that things weren't always like that - a lot of fighting had to be done in order to get to that point. and because most of the students already were branded with a rebellious reputation (for a lot of delinquent behavior), they really didn't give a fuck anymore if they were being controversial or not. What mattered was that they would make the school environment a lot more welcoming for themselves and for others. That sentiment is also shared by other leads singing along as they go out of their way to ensure a much better environment for everyone (in terms of lgbtq+ rights, undoing the stigmatization of mental health matters, student activism yadda yadda)
(oh and also this kinda serves as something that bridges the prejudices between the two schools since Ella's school is famous for a lot of student delinquency while Kate's former school is famous for being known as the "Best School In The Region With The Best Students" (which is why Ella understands why the students in Kate's school are a bit more hesitant to speak up because Kate's former schoolmates got way too much to lose) and the rivalry those schools have with each other cause students from ella's school think those from kate's school are pompous little shits while those from kate's school think that ella's schoolmates are delinquents and yes this is commentary on the dynamic my former school'scstudents and my current school's students share) (i should probably give this its own song)
+ "Ayoko" or " I Don't Want It" - (this does not come right after Mabuting Laban fjsjd i honestly dunno where to put this) this comes right after a conversation regarding her reputation in her former school and yea this is Kate poking fun at the "I Want" song musical trope. Like um she addresses the audience saying something along the lines of "oooohh wow complicated backstory exposition! you are probably expecting a song rn ala "How Far I'll Go" from Moana but guess what bitches fuck you all cause i'm gonna sing a song about the things I don't want just to fucking annoy you." it starts off as incredibly satirical and um Kate Dalton-vibes all throughout the scene with lots of pettiness which will then gradually transition to her singing about how she threw all the opportunities presented to her by the former school just because she really didn't want to do them and was tired of saying "yes" just to be enough for them. She then starts singing about her taking control of her own narrative by finally leaving the school. She still laments about those lost opportunities and admits that she still kinda wants to pursue those, but if she has to sacrifice rest for greatness, then she doesn't want it. The song ends with a verse akin to most I Want songs as she finally admits what she really wants the most: rest and wonder.
also here's a verse i made up just a while ago
Diyos ko, sabihin mo, ano pa ang kailangan kong gawin/upang mabawi ang mga ninakaw sa akin/upang maibalik ang pag-asang nawala/upang sa wakas ako'y makakapagpahinga/sapagkat hindi na ako nagnanais ng kadakilaan/ang hinihingi ko lamang ay ang aking kabataan
translation (i'll try my best to make it rhyme): My God, tell me, what else do i have to do/so I can take back all that they have taken from me/so that I can bring back the hope I've long so been deprived of/so that for once in my life, I'll be able to breathe/ cause I no longer want all the greatness that you say I could've had/ I only want to wonder, I only want my childhood back
+ "Halos Lagi Nalang"or "Almost Always The Same" - if this sounds familiar yes i rambled about this before gjdjdjd I started conceptualizing this song even before i even started conceptualizing the musical. So yea this is in Act 2 the song starts with mentioning the exhaustion that comes with being an LGBTQ+ teen in the philippines cause yup same old conservative religious bullshit same old same old shit and despite many a lot of people advocating for LGBTQ+ rights, nothing ever changes around here because well conservative religious bullshit. so yea this is kind of an extension of "Good Fight" but make it more about the burnout felt by a lot of teens that want something better than whatever we have right now. Then it will also apply to the other causes that the leads fight for (activism,destigmatization of mental health stuffs, etc). I'd say it's a combination of Before the Breakdown + Move On musically speaking (yea PMA has influenced me by a LOT). eventually this becomes one of the star numbers fo the show cause yea all the leads will do a shit ton of singing and harmonizing (but for here i'd say Noel and Kate have a tiny bit more of the spotlight since for now they are the ones with the very LGBTQ+ based plotlines). I really REEAAALLY want this song to work aaaa i've been playing around with the melody a lot recently and if i can't write the whole musical, then i'll be content with at the very least writing this song
+ "Try Lang Natin" or "Let's Try It Out" - this is a very barebones sequence atm but basically it's a scene where both Kate and Ella come to terms with their fears related to uncertainty and go "fuck it we don't know jackshit about the future anyway so why not ondulge a bit and ejoy what we have today" and decide to start going out with each other YAYYYYY and also this is like one of the few scenes here were Ella is much more visibly nervous compared to everyone else in the scene so yay for helping each other come to terms with their own vulnerabilities WOOOOO (also paige i remember you saying once that kate and eva could've had a Forever reprise duet right? And correct me if i'm wrong but i think u said it could be about eva assuring kate that she won't go anywhere? WELP I'M STEALING THAT JFJSJJDF /lh /hj AND YUP KATE AND ELLA ARE BASICALLY UM KINDA KATEVA IF YOU SQUINT SO THANK YOU PAIGE FOR THAT IDEAAAA)
AND THAT'S IT SO FAR WOO THIS TOOK ME 5 HOURS TO TYPE IT ALL OUT FJDJSJFF i'm kinda impressed with this ngl considering that i literally started making this up last night and i hope that i can make something out of it woo
And if you guys somehow reached the end of the post and have read every single thing, I'm sending you a lot of hugs and a lot of milkshakes
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rj-valencia · 4 years
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Mukha ba kong fresh diyan?
Mas mukha na kong happy ngayon kaysa sa mga pinagdaanan ko for the past 6 months. I had mixed emotions, minsan masaya ako, minsan malungkot. But ultimately dapat optimistic lang ‘diba. I may have struggles for the past months until now but I’m truly thankful for the people na nasa tabi ko lang as I was going through my tough times. Mahirap pero alam mo sa sarili mo na may mga taong nagmamahal pa rin sayo. At totoo yun. Totoo sila.
Yung mental health hindi yan joke. At napapagdaanan rin natin yan sa panahon na ito. Sana ayus lang din kayo. Nandito lang ako kung kailangan niyo ng kausap. Walang nagbago sa akin. Kukulitin lang kita at pasasayahin.
Stay happy and inspired!
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sotruecomedyapp · 3 months
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Exploring the Vibrant World of Stand-Up Comedy in India
Exploring the Vibrant World of Stand-Up Comedy in India
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What Makes Good Stand-Up Comedy?
Good stand-up comedy is a blend of sharp wit, relatable content, and impeccable timing. A comedian's ability to connect with the audience, share unique perspectives, and deliver punchlines effectively is what sets a great performance apart. Here are some key elements that contribute to good stand-up comedy:
Relatability: Comedians often draw from their personal experiences, cultural observations, and everyday life. The more relatable the content, the more it resonates with the audience.
Originality: Unique and fresh perspectives keep the audience engaged. Original content distinguishes a comedian from others and showcases their creativity.
Timing: Perfect comedic timing is crucial. Knowing when to pause, emphasize, or speed up can make a significant difference in how jokes are received.
Stage Presence: Confidence and a strong stage presence help comedians command attention and engage their audience effectively.
Audience Interaction: Good comedians can read their audience and adapt their performance accordingly, making the experience more interactive and enjoyable.
Best Stand-Up Comedy in India
India's stand-up comedy scene is diverse and vibrant, with many comedians offering unique styles and perspectives. Here are some of the best stand-up comedy acts in India:
Vir Das: Known for his sharp wit and global appeal, Vir Das has become a household name in the comedy circuit. His Netflix specials, including "Abroad Understanding" and "Losing It," have garnered international acclaim.
Kanan Gill: With his relatable humor and charming personality, Kanan Gill has won over audiences both online and offline. His show "Keep It Real" and YouTube series "Pretentious Movie Reviews" are fan favorites.
Zakir Khan: Zakir Khan's storytelling style and use of Hindi make his performances immensely relatable to Indian audiences. His specials, such as "Haq Se Single" and "Kaksha Gyarvi," are highly popular.
Aditi Mittal: One of India's prominent female comedians, Aditi Mittal tackles social issues with humor and wit. Her Netflix special "Things They Wouldn't Let Me Say" is a must-watch.
Atul Khatri: Known for his observational humor and corporate background, Atul Khatri brings a unique perspective to the stage. His performances are a blend of satire and personal anecdotes.
Famous Stand-Up Comedy Acts
Several famous stand-up comedy acts have made a significant impact on the Indian comedy scene, bringing laughter to millions. Here are some noteworthy acts:
"Biswa Mast Aadmi" by Biswa Kalyan Rath: Biswa's quirky humor and distinct delivery style make this special a standout. His observations on everyday life and society are both hilarious and insightful.
"Abhishek Upmanyu: Thoda Saaf Bol": Abhishek Upmanyu's witty observations and deadpan delivery have made him a favorite among comedy lovers. His take on relationships, family, and urban life is both relatable and entertaining.
"Kenny Sebastian: Don't Be That Guy": Kenny Sebastian's charm and clean humor appeal to a wide audience. His special "Don't Be That Guy" explores a range of topics, from childhood memories to modern-day dilemmas.
"Sumukhi Suresh: Don't Tell Amma": Sumukhi Suresh's candid and unapologetic humor shines in this special. Her take on gender issues, societal expectations, and personal experiences is both bold and funny.
"Anubhav Singh Bassi: Bas Kar Bassi": Anubhav Singh Bassi's storytelling prowess and relatable anecdotes make "Bas Kar Bassi" a must-watch. His tales of youth, friendships, and misadventures are sure to leave you in splits.
Conclusion
Stand-up comedy in India is a dynamic and evolving art form that continues to captivate audiences with its humor and originality. The blend of good stand-up comedy elements, diverse comedic styles, and the rise of talented comedians have contributed to the popularity of this genre. Whether you're a fan of observational humor, storytelling, or satire, India's stand-up comedy scene has something for everyone. So, the next time you're looking for a good laugh, check out some of the best stand-up comedy acts and famous stand-up comedians in India. You're guaranteed to find something that tickles your funny bone!
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vanitathakkar · 4 years
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Sayings At Work ....
Sayings characterize every language, every dialect prevailing on our beautiful abode, the Earth, our Mother Earth. They are subtle and expressive, catchy and captivating, at times pining, while at times liberating & healing. Here is an interesting incident revolving around some interesting sayings ....
A small group of women in an Engineering Industry ....
Ladies are rare in the field of Mechanical Engineering. Along with the challenges that are inevitable, respect and care from seniors and awe-inspired respect from colleagues and subordinates are generally a natural outcome of the qualifications, caliber and positions for such ladies.
In an atmosphere where very few ladies are working, gender-specific challenges require cool nerves and wit to ensure focus on work and cordial / neutral relationships with co-workers / subordinates.
After completing my Masters in Thermal Science, a branch of Mechanical Engineering, I joined as a Senior Design Engineer in a radiator manufacturing company in the south-western outskirts of Vadodara in Gujarat (India). I had earlier worked in the Industry in work domains such as, Tendering, Estimation, Design and Valuation after completing my graduation, for more than eight years and then opted for further studies.
There were a couple of fresh graduate engineering trainee girls / young ladies working in my department in the radiator manufacturing unit that I had joined. The number of women in the whole premises was around eight or nine. There were in all, more than 400 people working in this branch / unit of the organization / company, including administrative, technical, sales and marketing staff as well as technicians / workers. Of the eight or nine ladies around, three of us were in Design and Development and the rest were in Administration, Accounts and Housekeeping departments.
Jokes and mockery - lighter hue of heavy facts ....
A draftsman in the our department had quite a sore, sarcastic sense of humour. He was old and experienced, but under-qualified for higher positions. Though respected for his age and experience, his disappointment on his obvious stagnation in career couldn’t help surfacing out from time to time, in the form of comments and remarks on the “lack of knowledge” of new-comers, youngsters, “qualified” fools ....
The talk around was also that he had a tendency of holding information / data, especially from new-comers, that caused blockages in the work-flow. He would then tease them, as they struggled with their work for their “ignorance”, cracking "jokes" and citing anecdotes / sayings and so on ....
The gaps in industry-institute interactions in the field of Engineering had some definite roles to play in the traces of truth that peeped through some of his remarks.
This flaw in the quality of Education imparted in the field of Engineering (as also in other fields) has led to the development of a strange mind-set among students.
Graduation turns Examination oriented to the extent of clearing Examination just to acquire the label of being an Engineer - by methods such as, collecting important questions and their standard answers, cramming them up, stuffing minds with information that is hardly or partly understood and that vanishes as soon as the written Examination is over .... Learning, the joy of learning with awareness of the usefulness of the subject in practice, in real life situations is very often found missing in such a way of "educating" oneself. And hence, fresh graduates are often found falling short of the sound anchoring of fundamentals that would help them face any bullying that they might be subjected to in competitive atmospheres in the Industry.
On the other side of the coin is the stagnation in career prospects of the draftsman, due to lack of up-gradation of qualifications, which could have been possible through continuing further studies along with career or through some continuing education programmes that perhaps may not have been easy to opt for.
Whatever be the background and reasons, undercurrents of mockery, bullying and provocations could be sensed in the jokes that were going on.
Jokes on the trainee ladies ....
The trainee ladies were obviously, easy targets to some typical jokes. I often found them grumbling on jokes and remarks passed on by the draftsman. One of his common comments on ladies was, “…. Well ! Afterall, ladies carry their brains in their heels ! ....” This has reference to an old and infamous saying in Gujarati – “Ladies carry their brains in their heels.” The comments were passed on, in a flow of talks in a lighter vein, and hence would incite laughter, sometimes followed by further illustrations / comments .... However, that was obviously causing discomfort to the two young ladies.
A crackling end to the joke(s) ....
One day, during tea break, one such joke broke in, when I was around. And from my usually quiet and composed being emerged a surprisingly spontaneous remark, “It is good that the ladies carry their brains in their heels, so that they can be put to immediate use when needed. The real problem is with some men who altogether send theirs for grazing ! Their brains are totally unavailable for use !!” This had reference to a saying in Gujarati and Hindi, which addresses absent-minded / stupid / crazy people as those who have sent their brains for grazing to the pasture (Buddhi ghaas charane gayi hai). There was an outburst of laughter and applauds. The girls rejoiced at the reply. The comments about carrying brains in the heels were not to be heard again.
Vanita Thakkar (posted on 17-06-2020 - originally written in March, 2020)
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mister-intru · 5 years
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Site Address: Brgy. Maahas Los Banos Laguna  Site No.1 Yehey! 
Congratulate ko lang sarili ko kasi ang lakas ko talaga kay Lord at binigay nya yung desired job ko kahit fresh grad ako. Yung office pero medyo Field-based... ahmmm wait titimbangin ko muna yung ibang factors baka isipin nyong ang ideal eh. Pero To God be the Glory talaga.  Magtri-3mos na pala ako sabi nila pero sa computation ko 2mos pa lang pero yung struggle ko ay parang paretire na. Nakakapagod at ang tanging motivation ko na lang is yung fulfillment na somehow nagagawa ko yung pinangarap kong gawin at yung sahod...? SAHOOOD??? May ganun? Charot. Mababa lang talaga yung sahod kahit lisensyado ako at bigtime yung responsibility ng work para sa akin na beginner sa industry. 
 So ayun po. Yung nasa picture po, ang unang site na hinandle ko ang telecomm works, mula sa installation hanggang sa pag-up ng technologies na gagawing available sa mga user (2g, 3G, and LTE Bands). Di ko kinukuha ang lahat credits para dyan kasi ang daming field at branches/departments of engineering para lang mabuo yan (take note pala: on going pa rin yan, LTE palang ang gumagana dyan). Bale masasabi kong nasa 15% din naman kahit papaano ang naging contribution namin. 
 Stressful kasi ako ang inaaasahan sa desicion making ng mga kasama kong mas may experienced at lisensya lang ang inangat ko. Ang sakit sa part na kahit napapaligiran ka ng magagaling, ikaw pa rin ang magdedecide kapag nagkaroon ng trouble. Kapag nagtanong ka, matataasan ka ng boses. Kapag nagkamali ka, Mapapagalitan naman. Wala pa akong kalevel ng age range. Lahat sila mga veteran na sa telco. Wala nga akong mabigyan ng punchline kapag may naisip akong jokes eh. At iba ang way of thinking ng matatanda: LAHAT SILA MAGUGULANG. and yes ako ang sasalo sa consequences ng kagulangan nila kasi mga tao ko sila and no choice ako kundi lunukin yon kasi naguumpisa pa lang ako at kailangan ko makuha yung loob nila. "Kailangan mong pakisamahan mga tao mo para sumunod sila sa utos mo at di ka nila iwan sa site."  Naexperience ko na twice pumunta ng site magisa (ayun nasa picture) habang nagbababa ng order si Pduts na may lockdown (sa mandaluyong pala ang office namin tapos sa laguna ang site: Commute lang ako kasi wala ang mga driver). Ako lang magisa nagtrotroubleshoot sa site. Yes mag isa. Nakakapagod. Madilim. Nakakalungkot maging responsableng empleyado. Sa site din ako natulog. Di ako nakakakain ng maayos. Di ako comfortable. Pero dun ko narealize na kaya ko pala. Ang strong ko pala kasi nasurvive ko yung situation na yun ng hindi nangangailangan ng supervision ng iba. hindi ko namaster at nasolve yung problem pero marami akong natutunan habang hinaharap ko yun magisa. Narealize kong mas marami pa akong kakayanin na struggle in the future. Share ko lang tong mga to kasi napifeel ko na yung paggrow ko as a professional sa field na gusto ko, at ayaw kong makalimutan yung mga struggles na naexperience ko kung sakaling mapunta man ako sa ibang level na ng pagkatuto.
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thebusinessdevelopment · 11 months
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punjabi status
Elevate Your Mood with Punjabi Status: Explore a World of Expressions
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elseinbetween · 5 years
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November 28, 2019 | San Vicente, Palawan
Right from the get-go, visiting this laidback and lesser known town of San Vicente was on my #BakitHindi list. Which is very much unlike El Nido, by the way. The contrast is interesting. Medyo macculture shock ka dito if you fancy the crowd. But for an introvert like I am, it was a haven.
San Vicente features the longest white beach in the country. Ang sarap sanang libutin ng 14-kilometer shoreline with a motorbike but the drizzling afternoon didn’t permit it. Driving through the town, though, while getting chased by the rain with Kuya Allan, my driver-guide, was fun in itself. Really. My body’s still aching from Taraw aftermath but I traveled long enough to know that a joyride like this was a must. 
We stopped by at Secret Beach to snack on fresh coconuts. Unfortunately, Tatay was not around to pick us some. We lingered a bit and talked about Kuya Allan’s archery career and whatnots. Simple pero hindi daw madali ang buhay nila dito. That’s something I often hear from the towns I’ve stayed with. We’re just seeing a glimpse of their reality and we just want the good side of it. I guess we all have our kind of hard in this life and nobody had anything easy the way we imagine it to be. 
It was around 5 PM when we reached the top of a hill in Brgy. Alimanguan where Bato ni Ningning is settled. I talked and joked around with the locals while biding my time. They’re telling a story that the sun was setting in a different spot before. And as if on cue, the sun began to climb down and turned everything to something beautiful. We rode back to the flat land in a chilly November dusk seeing Venus and Jupiter aligned with the crescent moon in the night sky. It was a good day. As always, thank You, Paps.
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vasai-nokia-blog · 7 years
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Top set of Gujarati Humor
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vasai-ipad-blog · 7 years
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My individual favorite Gujarati Jokes
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sparksthatfly · 5 years
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Love is Made of a Cup of Sugar, a Hint of Spice and a Pinch of Madness
“Pipe down,” said Nan. She was trying to hear the 7 O'Clock news. The same gassy old man burped up the news. He spoke so slowly he made our pastor sound like Eminem.
Mr Patel and my Nan lived next door to each other and one day Mr P. broke down a piece of that wall to build a door, well actually, a beaded curtain.
Tonight, he was making his famous spicy curry for dinner. Mr P. looks a bit like a tanned walrus. His prolific grey mustache curls down the sides of mouth and grey stubble dot his chin. His bushy eyebrows often raise above his tortoiseshell glasses with another cheeky response that would slide across his lips.
He sang as he cooked, instinctively tucking his fingers into bright spices and adding them into his curry. The smell of strong after-shave and turmeric wafted through the apartment.
The radio was still playing in the background. Slow-talker Schimmel was interviewing a gentleman involved in the making of the new Gillette advertisement pushing men to be ‘be better’ and ‘slamming toxic masculinity ‘. Ultimately, it gave off the feeling that ‘men are toxic’. After years of celebrating masculinity, Gillette infuriated loyal male customers in the masses.
Mr Patel couldn’t care less about the interview. He called out, “Erma, how can you listen to that man. He’s so boring. He makes me want to fall asleep in your kitchen.” He quickly walked into his apartment and came back bustling through the beaded curtain with a tape in his hand. He pressed it into my gran’s radio and blasted what sounded like a Bollywood soundtrack.
Nan tilted her head back and breathed in the atmosphere that is Mr Patel. Replying to my curious look, she said, “ I never traveled Love, but when Mr Patel is here I feel like I’m a million miles away. I feel like a little piece of India has broken off and is standing in my kitchen.”
My gran told me that she only started to know Mr Patel one early Summer morning. Nan had coincidentally come out to water her pansies at the same time Mr Patel was tending to his herb garden.
He hadn’t realized she was there. He laid back in the dark green plastic garden chair on his balcony. After a brief sigh, he started speaking in Hindi.
My gran, who had seen so many seniors going loony living alone chirped,” Mr Patel, who are you speaking to?”
“He looked like he was speaking to a ghost,” Nan said.
He was so stifled his glasses fell off his face as he rapidly turned to see who was up at 5 AM - a time he reserved for private solace.
“Please, call me Rajesh,” he said when he discovered it was Erma leaning on her rusty balcony bars.
“Can I call you Raj?” smiled Erma.
“Actually, Mr Patel was fine,” he said in a half sarcastic, half happy manner.
“Are you okay, Rajesh?” Erma asked sympathetically.
He rested his quivering lips against his fingers, trying to fight back tears biting the back of his throat, “I had the most beautiful wife in the world. She’s been dead for ten years. But, I still miss her. Every. Single. Day.”
“So, you come out here and speak to her when you think no-one is listening,” Erma interrupted. Rajesh looked away and dried his tears on an initialed handkerchief from his wife - no doubt.
“You know there’s no shame in loving someone. To be honest I’m a little jealous ...” Erma pulled a cigarette from a box hidden in her pot plants, taking a drag as she reveled in her envy. Sure, she had been married. Even before he left to buy some milk and never came back, she knew he was in love with someone else - the one who got away. For a second she couldn’t help but pretend she was Fatima (her imagined name for Rajesh’s wife).
The next day at 7 AM (5 AM became a time Erma avoided as an unspoken rule) she called out from her balcony,” Mr Patel, do you have a cup of sugar I could borrow?” After his feet dragged his leather slippers to his own balcony he replied, “Madam, you can call me Rajesh,” he said as he slightly wobbled his head as he spoke. “Well do you?” she curled her faint lips.
When he came back Erma was sitting on her balcony with a tea kettle and two cups. “Would you like some tea, Rajesh?” she said sweetly. Her bright blue eyes that always shone with childlike content melted his suspicious mind. “Why do you want my sugar?” he questioned playfully. “For the tea. And, maybe I’ll bake a cake later,” she beamed.
Weeks went by ‘asking for sugar’. Sometimes Erma asked for sugar and sometimes it was Rajesh. And, on days they were feeling blue it was okay to say,” I’m sorry but I don’t have any sugar”.
Then, one Sunday they decided to go out for coffee together. There was an excellent restaurant downstairs from their apartments called Wendy’s Waffle House. Erma met Rajesh at the restaurant after she went to church. An ebony waitress with thin eyebrows and her wavy fringe pressed to her forehead came to take their orders. She looked like her meant to be job was auditioning for The Great Gatsby. Ultimately, her coquettish demeanor was shattered by her northern accent. She sounded like Amy Winehouse when she spoke.
As Wendy’s Waffle House became a regular spot for Erma and Rajesh, they became increasingly protective over their favorite waitress and friend - Ivy.
Ivy didn’t seem to have her eye on any particular guy. They all seemed manufactured by her insistence to have a bad boy. They all came stomping into the waffle house with their heavy black boots, slick hair and tattooed arms, looking for Ivy to take her on a date. She would come running out the restaurant’s bathroom dressed up and ready to go.
Erma and Rajesh would scowl at her 24-hour boyfriends. Eventually, Rajesh couldn’t take it anymore and demanded to meet her dates. It became such a regular litmus test Ivy’s manager would joke,” Ol’ Karma over there is going to grill his ars,” whenever a new date arrived. Ivy secretly liked it. Where she came from there was nobody who cared enough to see if a man was worth his salt.
Out of the blue, on a Tuesday, after Ivy had cleared the cups from Erma and Rajesh’s table she asked when they would be back at the restaurant. She smoothed her denim apron admitting that there was a guy she liked and she wanted them to meet him.
Mr Patel almost fell over whilst Miss Wise smiled so widely that her wrinkled pink cheeks thinned her cheerful blue eyes. “Oh, that fabulous!” she cooed.
Mr Patel with a serious look reasoned,” Why don’t you bring him up to my apartment and I’ll make my famous curry?”
Miss Wise sensing that this could be a bit invasive suggested,” At least let them go on a date first. We’ll make some tea at my place.”
“I’ll bring the sugar,” replied Mr Patel.
It was early Saturday afternoon. Ivy and her new boyfriend came to visit Mr Patel and Miss Wise. They were playing cards on her tiny balcony, drinking tea. Well, Rajesh was drinking tea and Erma was drinking Irish coffee. Cigarettes weren’t the only thing she hid in her pot plants.
Although Ivy’s date had a full sleeve of tattoos, his cotton collared shirt and freshly pressed jean shorts impressed Mr Patel. Miss Wise couldn’t help but notice the fresh bouquet of sunflowers resting on the cardboard box her date was carrying. He placed the box on the table to give Mr Patel a firm handshake and Miss Wise a gentle hug. He then handed Ivy the bouquet, she blushed.
“Hi, I’m John. It’s nice to meet you both. You mean a lot to Ivy.”
Mrs Wise curiously peaked inside the box. A group of puppies huddled together were sleeping. John explained that he had recently found this abandoned box of puppies outside his tattoo parlor and that he was planning to find them homes but at that moment he didn’t want to leave them alone. “Miss Wise would you mind looking after the puppies while we go out on our date,” he asked kindly.
Erma would have looked after a T-Rex if John had asked because he was such a good-looking and charming young man.
Rajesh inquired,” Erma and I are having curry tonight if you and John would like to join us?” The moment Ivy and John agreed the goofiest smile Erma had ever seen snuck up upon Rajesh’s face.
The date started with a picnic at Hyde Park. The only thing John had in his picnic basket was a bottle of wine and blanket with the Union Jack printed on it. He ran down the street to get a takeaway pizza. “A heart-shaped pizza,” Ivy exclaimed, “You are the cheesiest guy I have ever met,” she grinned.
“I thought we’d be tourists for a day,” John replied.
“Cheesy tourists,” Ivy cheekily touted.
Next, they took a cab to the London Eye. When their glass bubble finally arrived he pulled out a small Bose speaker from the picnic basket he still had in his hand and started scrolling down a list of songs on his phone. He settled on ‘I can’t get no satisfaction’. He looked around at the four other people in the glass capsule and said, “Does everyone know this song? Aren’t the Rolling Stones great?”
John was the type of guy who always lived like there was nothing to lose. Ivy found him seductively strange.
A German man wearing a canary yellow jersey with a bright blue collared shirt, matching pants and designer sunglasses pushed Ivy towards John. She stumbled towards him and grabbed his waist. He spun her until she was dizzy. The metro male German and matching wife were jiving in the background. But, the two voluptuous South African ladies who were brightly dressed in green outdanced everyone. When the ride was over, John quickly grabbed his speaker off the floor and they both hurried out of the capsule feeling invigorated and silly in the best way.
Their last stop was the pinnacle of every tourist’s experience in London - trying to make a Buckingham Palace guard smile.
It was time to go back to Erma’s apartment.
Dinner politely moved over to Mr Patel’s apartment, next door. Between the vibrant atmosphere and spicy dishes even John, a stranger, could see the chemistry between Miss Wise and Mr Patel. Between their private jokes and trinket arguments was some sort of spark. As he took another spoonful of curry John blurted out,” I’m surprised there’s even a wall between the two of you.”
Miss Wise’s cheeks turned bright red. But, Mr Patel’s eyes widened and almost exploded as his ego inflated trying to protect itself from a truth he hadn’t thought about before…
John quickly defused the situation,” I just meant you’re such good friends that you could be roommates.”
Ivy sardonically whispered, “Good save, Mate.”
hat night John’s words were fixated in Rajesh’s mind. “Mmm … Roommate, it could be fun,” he thought. He could finally have the beaded curtain he always wanted. He was secretly fascinated with hippie culture. He remembered walking into a flamboyant record shop with hippie slogans and floral designs on the walls and the smell of marijuana that clung to the air. He shrugged thinking about how incense and Yoga were never anything new to him but it would be nice to be a little more ridiculous and free for once.
His used his fixation to mask what or who he was thinking about.
The next day he phoned John. A professional sounding voice responded to his call.Rajesh was dumbstruck by the response and asked again if it was John on the other side of the phone.
“It’s me, Mr P., can I phone you back I have to operate on a Jack Russel right now.”
“John, I thought you owned a tattoo shop.”
“I have part ownership in a tattoo parlor and I’m a vet.”
“I would give this man my blessing tomorrow to marry Ivy, he’s a doctor,” Rajesh thought to himself, “An animal doctor but still a doctor.”
“Hey John, will you help me break down a wall?” he asked awkwardly.
“Uhm, sure. Let me phone a friend to help,” John never expected his comment at dinner to be taken seriously.
The next day whilst he was helping John break down a piece of his wall and put in a bright orange beaded curtain, Ivy went shopping for Miss Wise.
Rajesh entered her apartment like a genie from a lamp through the hole in the wall when Erma arrived at her apartment. She yelped, “ Is this your idea of an overdue mid-life crisis. I was hoping for a much younger girlfriend or for you to become Uber’s first tuk-tuk driver in London.”
Rajesh rolled his eyes, “Don’t you see we’re roommates now.”
“The real rebels of Bloomberg apartments,” Erma chuckled.
“Hippies, actually…”
“I get it,” tears of laughter streaming down her face, “Communal living.” “
She calmed her laughter which seemed to be bruising his dreams and his ego like a soft peach.” I think it’s a lovely idea Rajesh. Life would be so boring without you, Deary,” she admitted tenderly.
Erma went to bed but Rajesh stayed up and sat on his balcony praying to Ganesh - the remover of obstacles. He finally admitted to himself that he was falling for a woman who’s not his wife and nor is she Indian. Ganesh whispered,” I am not the god you are looking for.” His mind veered to the God of Duty - Vishnu. Rajesh wondered if there were any obligations he truly had left toward his community.
He had been a faithful husband, a good father and a stable pillar of his community for many decades. Was it not, in fact, his duty to live his life to the fullest. He didn’t want to live the last remaining years of his life with any regrets. He walked through the beaded curtain, towards Erma’s bedroom. He laid behind her and wrapped his arms around her.
Erma woke up to a familiar warmth and asked,” Why are you in my bed?”
“You were right I am having a midlife crisis but it’s not over yet. I need a much younger girlfriend.”
Perhaps when Nan is speaking about her spicy neighbour it’s not in reference to his cooking ...
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