#HE'S A GOD not a mafia boss so technically it's not as bad

[restinslices]

Some of y'all ain't thinking about being Ares' favorite mortal lover and him watching as you get in a new relationship with a guy that treats you terrible so he pulls up on the guy and reveals he's a god and goes over all his titles and ends on him being the protector of mistreated women then asking "have you been mistreating my woman?" AND THAT'S WHERE WE DIFFER

[turtletaubwrites]

Numbers Game ~ Part 1

Thank you @discordantwritings for this request! I've been so excited to write some Cross Guild shenanigans, I hope you enjoy it! Also, this will be part 1 because I did turn it into a whole ass thing, lol. Just a miniseries, I swear!

Pairings: Cross Guild x Fem!Reader (Eventual smut, but not this chapter. Reader is in a relationship with Buggy first, then meets the others in this chapter.)

Word Count: 2863

Ao3 Link

Summary: You left your stable/boring life as an investment banker to have some adventure. Unfortunately, that sweet Warlord of the Sea didn't follow your financial advice, and now you and your clown are at the mercy of his biggest lender and his new business partner.

Rating/Warnings: Eventual Smut, 18+, MDNI, AFAB!Reader, She/Her Pronouns for Reader, Reader-Insert, Alcohol, Swearing, Angst, Established Relationship, Canon Typical Violence, Manipulation, mention/brief threat of slavery, Humiliation, Blood and Violence, Pet names, Power Imbalance, Crocodile is a villain

A/N: The reader starts out with Buggy, so Crocodile and Mihawk will be enemies to the reader at first. Crocodile in particular is a VILLAIN toward the reader at first, threatening violence and there's a mention of paying off debts by selling Buggy and reader into slavery, as he threatened in the anime. Please do not read this if toxic, threatening relationships are triggering for you. Dynamics will shift after the initial chapters, but he's still a villain and I wrote him that way in this fic. It's very much dark romance style/bad guys need love too/Mafia boss type vibe.

Fuck, my sister was right. 

“Hurry it up, Y/N, it’s time to go!”

“But, Captain Buggy,” you matched his near frantic whisper, “Your crew are calling for you. Don’t you need to give them orders?”

“Fine, fine! Just keep packing!”

You barely heard the commands and lies that he spewed from the balcony, your hands shaking as your mistakes blared through your mind.

You’d been so bored. You had a good, stable life. You were great at your job. You’d started at a bank, and soon you were managing investments for wealthy clients who didn’t want to do their own work to stay wealthy.

You were so good with numbers. So good at helping your clients make smart, safe choices.

Yet here you were, about to get killed by the fucking Navy because you’d wanted a little adventure.

The screams started getting louder, and you heard what had to be explosions, luckily not close by. Yet. 

Kat told me this clown would get me killed.

Tears burned in your eyes as you pictured your sister’s face, pinched with worry and shock.

“He works for the government now! I’m going to help run his organization, I’ll handle the finances, and his mercenaries will help the Navy out.”

“Are you fucking insane? He’s a Warlord! Not some Navy officer,” Kat almost yelled, face red as she leaned toward you.

“I… He’s different, okay. He’s really sweet,” you mumbled, looking down as your fingers twisted in your lap.

“Oh my fucking gods, Y/N, did you fuck that clown? What has gotten into you?”

You didn’t know what you were grabbing and packing, tears streaming freely now.

“Captain! The warships around the island are getting attacked!”

“Who’s helping us,” Buggy screamed, and the confusion and hope in his voice made you drop everything.

Racing to the balcony, you were just in time to watch two Navy warships go down in flames.

Desperate hope filled you now, and you reached for his hand.

He pulled away as news of who your savior was came closer, shouts of triumph sending chills through you, freezing Buggy in place.

“It’s Crocodile! He really does work for Chairman Buggy! We’re saved!”

Crocodile. Crocodile!

All those berries, drained away with Buggy’s antics. All those berries that you were technically supposed to be in charge of. 

All of it was Crocodile’s.

“Buggy, Buggy, please. Where can we hide?”

He turned at your hoarse whisper, his mouth hanging wide in shock.

“Buggy!”

“We don’t have the money to pay him. He’s gonna kill me!”

His strained voice grated your nerves as you pulled on his hand, dragging him away from the balcony, and the adoring eyes of his henchmen.

He was near babbling as you pulled him along, searching for anywhere to hide. 

A frustrated sob left your throat as you remembered what you’d been feeling recently, even with his idiotic spending, and refusal to listen to your words of reason.

I thought I was falling for him.

But the sight of him falling apart now, not only failing to protect you, but even himself, was making you regret every single moment.

Your heart felt raw, burning more with each yank on his hand, especially since his hand was only connected to that fucking pouch he likes to wear.

Then that hand was torn away from yours, Buggy’s yelp making you jump. 

Buggy went flying over your head, sliding down the hallway with a grunt. 

Before you could turn around, you were encased in someone's shadow. You shook as you felt the heat of a body, inches from you. The first thing you saw was the glinting gold of a massive hook, then you had to crane your neck. 

Towering above you was a man in lavish clothes, a purple vest with an orange scarf, and a fur coat. He seemed to be ignoring you, his cigar dangerously close to dropping ash onto your hair.

You felt like prey, like a rabbit. Shivering in fear, just waiting for the wolf to walk away or devour you.

“I know you,” he directed at Buggy, his deep voice rumbling through you. “I thought you’d try to flee without paying me back.”

I’m so close to him. How can he tell I’m so weak? If I had a weapon I could try to hurt him.

As if he could read your thoughts, Crocodile looked down at you, tapping his cigar off to the side before the ashes fell. 

“I don’t know you.”

Your mouth gaped open as you stared into his cold, scarred face.

“Well, you see, Crocodile,” Buggy started bullshitting, moving closer. “Buggy’s Delivery Service may look like it’s doing well, but we’ve, uh… We’ve lost a lot of our big earners, and…”

Buggy trailed on, spouting excuses that made you want to scream at him, until you felt his hand grip the back of your shirt. 

He slowly pulled you backward, away from Crocodile. New tears fell as your pathetic clown tried to shift his body in front of yours, shielding you.

He was too late.

The sting of cold metal wrapped around your neck as Crocodile’s hook captured you, like the prey you were.

He yanked you up, until your toes were barely scraping along the ground as he looked you over.

“If you can’t pay, clown, we can sell you into slavery. I wonder how much your woman is worth.”

“Come on, Crocodile,” Buggy drawled, inching closer again. “Don’t say such horrible things! We broke out of Impel Down together, didn’t we?”

“I lent you money for that sake,” he countered calmly, before looming over Buggy with even more danger edging his voice. “But if you can’t pay, you’ll have to take full responsibility.”

“Responsibility,” Buggy choked out, eyes flicking to you when you gasped from Crocodile's movements.

“I’m gonna found a new company, so I need money now.”

You could see the frantic wheels spinning in Buggy’s head before he puffed himself up, making his body look huge as he spread his limbs out in the red fabric.

“Then, let me help you with that business! This former Warlord of the Sea will serve under you. I’ll work off my debt! We have great resources!”

You brought your hands up to hold onto the hook as Crocodile lifted you even higher. You couldn’t tell if he was doing it on purpose, or if he had just forgotten that he was holding you there. You watched Buggy try to sell the plan, try to save you both. 

“We have advertising design, printing, transportation, and the finest financial adviser on the seas.”

Buggy emphasized the last with jazz hands shaking wildly in your direction, and you cringed.

Crocodile hummed, setting you on the ground in front of him, but still tugging on your neck with that cold metal as he looked you over. You let out a breath when he released your neck, but then the sharp point of the hook traced teasingly on your cheek, stopping your breath entirely.

“W-Wait, come on, Croc. We’re pals! You don’t need to–”

“If you’re in charge of the finances,” Crocodile breathed down on you, ignoring Buggy’s pleas, “then it’s your fault that all my money is gone, isn’t it?”

You started to shake your head, but the cold prick of metal held you frozen.

“No, it wasn’t her fault,” Buggy almost yelled, voice missing its chummy tone now. “Please, we didn’t– I didn’t follow her advice. Tell him baby, you’ve got all those plans you made, right? The investments?”

Your eyes clenched shut, a wave of tears cascading down as he defended you.

“Is that true, girl? Did you try to keep this idiot from wasting all my money?”

His breath was hot on your face as he leaned over you. Your lip quivered as you waited for him to open his jaws, and swallow you whole.

“Tell me.”

“I… I created a plan to manage those funds, using much of them to invest and create reciprocal income for the organization.”

His eyes burned into you, silently demanding more.

“Unfortunately, I was not able to go forward with those plans,” you said weakly, eyes looking down, seeking freedom from his glare.

“I wonder why that could be, hmm?” 

He brought his hand to your face now, huge fingers gripping your chin to force your eyes back to his.

“Tell me why all of my money is gone. You are the financial advisor, aren’t you? Should I bleed the berries out of you?”

“No, I’m sorry,” you stuttered, eyes fluttering down again until his grip on your face became painful.

“It’s okay, baby,” you heard whispered behind you.

“Ca-Captain Buggy did not follow the financial plans that I laid out for him, or my recommendations to adjust spending when funds became low.”

Crocodile’s lip twitched up, and he released you, making you stumble.

He reached for Buggy, hitting him again until he slid across the floor.

“No, please!”

“Why are you crying for this potato sack? He nearly got you killed.”

The menacing man sighed as you failed to speak, then grabbed Buggy by the hair.

“Don’t worry, we’re not killing him yet. Go get your paperwork, I wanna see if you really are a numbers girl.”

Shame flooded you as you nodded, doing nothing as Buggy was dragged away like trash. 

There’s nothing I can do. Numbers, money, that’s all I’m good at. 

Taking a deep breath, you reminded yourself that you are really good at that. And maybe that skill could help you get out of here alive. 

Maybe I can help Buggy after all. 

~ 

That sliver of hope vanished when you walked through the door, your briefcase in hand.

Off to the side you saw Buggy’s officers, eating and laughing happily, as if nothing had happened. 

As if their Captain’s head wasn’t dangling from Crocodile's hand, bruised and bloodied while that hook kept shoving against his skin.

Crocodile was seated on the plush, green couch, using Buggy’s limp body as a foot rest. He held Buggy’s head over the middle of the couch, between him and another man.

The other man’s cold, amber eyes felt like blades through your skin as you froze in the doorway. You recognized him, though you’d hoped you’d never meet the swordsman in person.

Dracule Mihawk. What the fuck has my life turned into?

Buggy coughed, spitting out a piece of paper. That stupid fucking flyer his men had made. 

They hadn’t even waited for approval before spending the money on printing and distributing it. You’d wanted to strangle every fucking dumbass that touched it when you saw the bill.

“The word ‘humiliation’ isn’t enough to express how I feel,” Crocodile growled, as Buggy apologized for the Cross Guild poster, showing Buggy as their leader. 

“As much as I’d like to kill him,” Mihawk mused, his voice filled with calm disdain, “it’s not a bad idea to have him as our figurehead. I would rather live peacefully than become an Emperor of the Sea.”

He stood gracefully, heading to the counter to pour himself a glass of wine. He turned to look back, his head tilted like an animal watching for prey.

“Let him take the heat, and we can get rid of him whenever we want.”

“You’re right,” Crocodile laughed, shoving his hook into Buggy’s mouth.

You let out a choked gasp, grateful that they weren't going to kill him now, but feeling the looming threat that the future held.

And there were Galdino, Alvida, and even Mohji and Cabaji, ignoring his pain, laughing and stuffing their faces. Their betrayal made you ache for Buggy.

Until you remembered the danger you were still in. 

I’m betraying him too. I’m going to work for these men. I’m going to stay alive.

“Who is this,” Mihawk drawled as he took his seat again.

“Uh, I–”

“This might be our numbers girl. If she proves herself,” Crocodile threatened, dropping Buggy’s head onto the floor behind the couch, before patting the cushion beside him. 

“Come here, girl. Show us how useful you can be.”

With wide eyes, you walked toward them, avoiding stepping on Buggy’s body as you sat between the two terrifying men. 

Crocodile’s arm rested on the back of the couch behind you, so you sat slightly forward, avoiding his touch. 

Mihawk tilted toward you, and you found yourself staring at the beautifully embroidered details of his black and gold coat, avoiding looking at his bare chest and abs between the rich fabric.

He cleared his throat, making you jolt, before bringing your shaky fingers to unlatch the briefcase. You struggled, gasping when Mihawk reached over your lap to open it for you.

“Gods, Galdino, will you bring this girl a drink," Crocodile huffed, and you could feel his eyes on you. "Where the fuck did the clown pick up such a skittish little thing, huh?”

You focused on your paperwork, pulling out some of the plans you’d initially brought to help manage the funding Crocodile had provided. 

Mihawk took them gingerly from your hands as Galdino passed you a glass of wine. You were sure that he must be pissed at being ordered to serve you like a waiter.

You chugged the whole glass of wine, closing your eyes while Crocodile chuckled, and Mihawk reviewed your work. 

“It’s well done,” he praised, handing it to his partner. “These skills will be helpful with getting this operation running.”

“As long as the idiots in charge actually listen, of course” Crocodile joked, flipping through the pages. 

He tossed the papers aside, motioning for Galdino to fill your glass again.

“Sorry about all of that in the hallway. You work for us now.”

“Okay,” you breathed out, barely audible.

The back of his hook touched your face, the smooth metal guiding you to look at him.

He studied you for a moment, and your brain tried to make sense of him, of what was happening. His black hair was slicked back, a few stray strands falling over his forehead. The long scar across the middle of his face made your brain hurt. You couldn’t imagine what kind of wound that must have been.

His deep set eyes were judging you, and you fought every instinct to hold his gaze instead of running. 

Finally, he let out a low laugh.

“When I find something of value, I protect it. Do your job well, and you’ll be taken care of. Better than with this clown, that’s for sure.”

You winced as his foot dug into Buggy’s body, eliciting a moan from the man who’d brought you here. 

Chewing the inside of your lip, you sipped on your second drink as they discussed plans to announce the lie that Buggy really is the leader. 

They don’t need me here. I’ll just go to my room.

Each time you almost stood, or asked to be excused, your brain went blank. You just sat there, between these two ex Warlords, these two men who radiated power. The night went on, until all of Buggy’s betrayers trickled out.

“Wait.”

Crocodile’s deep voice commanded as you stood to follow Alvida and Galdino out, desperate to not be alone with these men. But here you were.

“What’s your name? Unless you want us to call you Numbers Girl.”

You settled on the couch, still sitting away from the back to keep from leaning against Crocodile’s arm.

“It’s Y/N.”

“I am curious, Y/N,” Mihawk spoke up, swirling his wine in its glass. “How such an intelligent and attractive woman ended up with this pathetic clown.”

“Please, leave her alone,” Buggy’s weak voice creaked up from behind the couch.

“It’s just curiosity,” Mihawk continued, and you couldn’t help meeting his golden gaze, his large hat tilting down toward you.

“Come, Y/N,” Crocodile joined in, “I could use a laugh. How did you end up with Buggy?”

“We… We met at a bar.”

They stared, and your skin practically crawled at the pressure for more.

“I’m an– I was an investment banker. I was having a drink after work, and overheard Buggy discussing his new organization. I offered my services.”

You shifted your head slightly to look back and forth at them, and their confused faces almost made you laugh. Almost.

“Why,” Crocodile asked, his deep voice almost dangerous as he demanded an explanation. Mihawk just cleared his throat, and took another sip. 

You wanted to comfort Buggy. To remind him that you’d been drawn to him. That he was funny, and sweet, and that your time together that night was what made you want to join him. 

But you knew the real reason you chose to go with Buggy, and you knew they’d only punish you both if you talked about being with him. So you told the truth.

“I was bored.”

It felt like the air around you shifted. The weight of their stares, and the sound of their low laughter made your skin flush with heat.

They both leaned forward, surrounding you as they brought their glasses to tap against yours.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Crocodile’s husky voice rumbled beside you. “You won’t be bored with us.”

Likes and reblogs bring me much ✨dopamine✨ thank you so much!

a/n: I hope you enjoyed this first chapter! It hurt beating up my Buggy boy like this, but I made it through, lol

Part 2

| masterlist | about me | rules | ao3 | ko-fi |

[zhongrin]

bad influence

◇ characters ◇ zhongli, xiao, al haitham, ayato

◇ tags ◇ mafia!au, light gore, mention of blood, stalking (al haitham), cliche trope, vague concept, unfinished & not fully built plot

◇ a/n ◇ ayato’s is rather short bc i hadn’t planned to write for him but the brainrot gods decided to grace me with a crumb of inspiration for him

𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ⬙ 𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

you, a clueless bystander who was just living your normal citizen life, until one day, some strangers dressed in immaculately pressed suits who are clearly hostile attacked you with a clear intent to kill, as you're off on your late-night grocery run.

you, who watched in horror as a pretty-looking man suddenly appears out of nowhere, making quick work of the 'bad guys' with precise cuts to their throats, the jades embedded in his knives and his studded earrings glinting menacingly under the moonlit night sky.

you, who were then forcefully brought to a grand-looking manor, passing a well-tended garden that seems to span for hectares and a magnificent set of golden doors leading to an office that's almost as big as the entirety of your humble little house.

you, who almost faint upon seeing the most handsome man you’ve ever seen in your life, with his gold-amber eyes that twinkle under the massive chandelier and a smile that's both comforting but also dubious, his gloved fingers setting the crystal clear glass of wine onto a desk that seems far too big for one person to use as soon as you came in.

you, who ask in a timid but polite voice, about your whereabouts and the reason why were you brought here, not wanting to anger the important-looking man.

you, who gulp in both fear and excitement and confusion as the man gives you a fleeting, nostalgic look, as if he’s seeing something you can’t see as he drinks your visage.

"well, i can't exactly let the granddaughter of a good friend of mine be killed in such a gruesome manner, now can i?"

OR alternatively,

you and “alatus”, being the left and right hand man of the fearsome “rex lapis”, respectively, your infamous codenames striking fear into your targets.

if “alatus” is known for his clean kills and the way he just ‘disappears’ from the crime scene, you’re very much the opposite. you love the attention, the screams, the chase and the finishing kill, the way skulls crack and blood trickles down your gloves. it gets you in so much trouble and your lover berates you for it repeatedly, but you can’t help it; it’s so much fun toying with your food before stabbing it to death, and you live for the thrill, for the adrenaline rushing inside your veins.

oh yes, your lover, codename “rex lapis” or “morax” - whom people in his inner circle call “zhongli” - who is also your boss, isn’t too fond of how you do things… he understands your point of view, being rather of similar temperament in his younger days, but mainly he just dislikes the notion of you being in danger. yet, he knows you’d rather kill yourself than be his demure, timid wife. plus, he can’t exactly lie…

you’re kind of hot when you’re unhinged.

so what does he do? he faithfully makes sure to tie loose ends, do the necessary cleanups so you can continue doing what you do, and gently washes your bloodied hair as he listens patiently to your excited ramblings about your recent ‘assassination’.

you two certainly make a great team.

your savior who made the best and yet also the worst first impression - though he did technically save you, he did murder all of those people in cold blood. and seeing how fluid, how precise his movements were, it could only mean that he’s used to the act of killing itself.

he’s so cold too, with his catlike golden eyes that you swear were glowing in the darkness, the eternally downturned corners of his lips, and his short, clipped replies.

still, he saved you and tended to the slight cut you got from the group that tried to off you, so the moment zhongli asks if you have a preference for a bodyguard, your automatic response is to say xiao’s name. zhongli was talking about personality traits but he decides to step back and watch the circus unfolds.

naturally, xiao refuses, throws a few mean words, and you certainly weren't going to just stand there and take his insults, so you shoot back with a few - and one of them seems to hit harder than you’d expect.

‘yeah you know what nevermind, i don’t want to be guarded by a murder weapon!’

xiao freezes, eyes wide, fists clenching on his sides, gloved fingers digging to his palm, before he suddenly turns abruptly to exit the office.

it’s zhongli who gives you a patient look as guilt starts to settle inside your chest, knowing that you’ve accidentally hurt the one who saved your life that night, and deeply at that. he sits you down and brews you tea as he tells you a story of a past besmirched in blood, neglect, and betrayal.

xiao shows up the next day nonetheless, ever so stoic and icily informing you that it was merely his duty as your supposed ‘bodyguard’ for the time being, since you’ve so kindly appointed him yourself. you bite down the insults and asks for his forgiveness instead, to which he scoffs and look away.

and like all cliche stories, somewhere along the path of seeking his forgiveness and navigating your new life, you fall in love.

the best part? he falls harder.

oh, this bastard. he’s one of the higher-ups of the family who wanted you dead.

the thing is, he’s not there for money, or fame, or anything like that. what al haitham wants from joining such an organization was because this particular one has an abundance of networks, which means: information. knowledge. secrets.

and your grandfather, he held the key to a rather interesting secret that very few seem to be privy to. that’s why they’re hunting you down; a necessary precaution to silence a potential threat. it matters little whether you know about what it was about or how much you know. the fact stands that your grandfather had somehow managed to keep your existence hidden until now, so that must mean something, at least.

and al haitham is intrigued.

he’s cautious and smart, certainly not a mindless brute like his colleagues. he chooses to watch you from afar, devises strategies and takes a copious amount of notes, analyzes your mannerisms and taps your conversations, like you’re some fascinating subject of study in a research thesis. he’s an observer, not a scientist; he doesn't participate in experiments, doesn't touch you directly, but he knows the insides of your head better than you….

…. until one day, he flunked and accidentally bumps into you.

you’re so distraught, trying to wipe the coffee stains on his white-colored collared shirt that’s now sporting a big brown stain. he tries to act like a normal citizen so he wouldn’t alarm that bodyguard of yours, who’s already scrutinizing him with the eyes of a trained killer. he tries to act that your touch isn’t sending shivers down his spine, that his face is slightly flushed from the hot coffee and not a close-up view of your worried face, that his heart isn’t beating because you’re actually talking to him.

he knows he shouldn’t, and he knows it’s stupid, but when you ask for his phone number so you can ‘make it up to him’ sometime, he gives you his personal number instead of all the burner phone numbers he has memorized in his head.

he asks himself when did he fall for you that night.

for the first time in his life, he couldn't find an answer.

if zhongli is one of the most feared bosses up there, ayato’s name is surely on the same list.

known publicly as the son of the minister of cultural affairs at first, he has since reclaimed the title of his father after an unfortunate accident and a short, temporary vacuum of the position. but what most people don't know is that the world of politics is ruthless these days. quite literally.

your existence was just a speck of dirt in his eyes. he could care less about whatever your grandfather did or knew. he’s seen countless of people fall and rise and run and fall to the depths of hell, what does it matter to him if you do?

- except, you seem to have unknowingly befriended his little sister, and one of his best agents seems to be hopelessly smitten with you?

hm. interesting.

© zhongrin | 2022 ◆ no repost. reblogs much appreciated. feel free to reach out to submit suggestions, feedback, comments, or if you just want to talk!

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[kinnbig]

Hi Bestie :D

I enjoyed your pathetic men of Kinnporsche post so much, so here’s another challenge if you’re up to it!

Who is the most horny one, losing all brain cells due to lack of blood supply because it went elsewhere?

HEY thank you i certainly love a challenge! i interpreted this to mean like… who lost the most brain cells and therefore made the most bad decisions out of horniness, because that felt like something measurable with my objectively correct and scientific points system lmao

Kinn -

swapped out the competent bodyguard that Tankhun lent him for a newbie with no training because he had a crush +1

“would you like me if you were a girl?” +1

fucked his intoxicated employee against a window +3

went to apologise for fucking his intoxicated employee against a window without bringing any bodyguards. got kidnapped about it. +2

pulled a gun on his cousin for making a move on his man, escalating the already rapidly growing tension between the two families, then gave his man a handjob in his cousin’s bathroom +2

*in a secret relationship with his employee* *destroys the entire compound with very loud and indiscreet fucking* +1

fucked in a rooftop pool in front of god and Deutsche Bank +1

grabbed Porsche’s dick in the middle of a gun fight +1

total: 12

Porsche -

joined the mafia +2

stayed in the mafia +2

flirted with Vegas +1

tried to give a footjob during an important mafia strategy meeting +1

*in a secret relationship with his boss* *destroys the entire compound with very loud and indiscreet fucking* +1

“this bread is soft… but the other thing isn’t” +1

flirted with Vegas again +2

got fucked in a rooftop pool in front of god and Deutsche Bank +1

wire-tapped a mafia boss to make sure he wasn’t cheating on him +1

total: 12

Vegas -

secretly took a guy he was meant to have killed to his safe-house because he looked hot when his balls were being electrocuted +2

fucked the guy he was holding hostage after a hedgehog funeral and a couple of free therapy sessions +3

referenced keeping his ex-captive as a pet in front of his younger brother +1

total: 6

Pete -

fucked the guy holding him hostage because he cried about his daddy issues and his dead hedgehog +5

quit his job for that BDSM dick +3

killed a colleague so he could go back to being his captor's pet +5

total: 13

Kim -

got sidetracked during a very important top secret investigation because the guy he was investigating was cute +1

stalked his ex and punched his friends +1

total: 2

Chay -

has an idol wall +1

(unknowingly) seduced a mafia prince +2

total: 3

BONUS: not technically canon, but I think he deserves to be included-

Ken -

fucked Vegas. got murdered about it. +5

....... gave Gun head. +5

total: 10

yeah, that tracks! pete's horny decisions were objectively the worst!

more very scientific kinnporsche research

[narastories]

what we can have

I want to say ‘this is a weird one’ but let’s face it: when have I ever written something that’s not?

That said… this is: a) a crossover b) wizardbaron

Fandom: The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher, The Fetch Phillips Archives Series - Luke Arnold Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Harry Dresden/Johnny Marcone, Thurston Niles/Fetch Phillips Tags: Crossover, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dimension Travel, POV Alternating, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Marcone POV, Fetch POV, in terms of the Dresden Files it's set after Fool Moon, in the FPA universe after OFITF, pining Wizardbaron, established Philes, because I said so, somehow Philes ended up being the emotionally more mature couple in this which is hilarious, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Fae & Fairies, Niles & Marcone bromance, Fluff

Summary:

John Marcone has a bad start of his day when he manages to get his favorite wizard to help him, only for them to be transported to a different city. Fetch Phillips also faces trouble when a self-proclaimed wizard and a trigger-happy mafia boss enter his café unexpectedly.

The story of four men grappling with the unpredictable nature of magic and their impractical crushes.

Read on AO3

To answer a few questions you might have in advance:

Can I read this if I haven’t read the Dresden Files?

Yes, totally! There are a few minor spoilers from book 1 & 2 but nothing big. If you are familiar with the general premise of the Dresden Files, you should be fine.

Can I read this if I haven’t read the Fetch Phillips Archives?

Technically, yes, but from the FPA perspective, this takes place after the third book, and there are some pretty significant spoilers alluded to. If you have no intention of reading the FPA or don’t care about the spoilers, you should be fine. However, I think if you like the Dresden Files, you should really give the Fetch Phillips Archives a go, and maybe save this fic after you read the first three books ;)

Nara you never seemed like a huge Wizardbaron fan, how come you wrote this ship? Can we expect more Harry x Marcone fics in the future?

GODS I HOPE NOT

I’m sorry for being so antagonistic about this. I have a real love/hate relationship with Marcone and this ship.

I get everything I ever wanted from enjoying Harry/Nic and Fetch/Niles. The reason why this fic ended up being Harry/Marcone is because they are much closer in vibe to Fetch/Niles, and I thought Marcone and Niles would get along pretty well. These ships and characters mirrored each other nicely so Marcone fit my idea better.

If I could have gotten away with making this Harry/Nic I would have, believe me.

I will always respect Wizardbaron enjoyers as the backbone of the DF fandom. And I also liked the idea of writing something that they could realistically enjoy without having to descend into the rarepair hell with me lol

I have no intention of writing more wizardbaron tho, sorry. Although as all fanfic writers know we have limited control of what we end up writing, am I right?

Also I re-listened to Even Hand while editing, and I highly recommend the audiobook version of that if you’re far enough into the DF series. It’s narrated by Mr. Author himself (btw I don’t know why I always call him that but you know, I think I’d better stick to Fae rules and don’t call him by his name on a fanfic lmao) and he clearly had so much fun with it. Certain implications for future theories aside it’s also one of the good parts with Marcone.

Anyway, if you read all that ramble i love you hope you enjoy the fic <3

[wackyrumble]

Mukuro Rokudo v.s. The Ellimist

Mukuro Rokudo - Katekyo Hitman Reborn

Mukuro was experimented on by mafia as a child, allowing him to live six lives. He aims to possess the boss candidate for the most powerful mafia, a 13 year old, who kicks Mukuro's ass in a fight and so he is taken to mafia jail by mafia cop zombies. He's locked in a water cylinder but hosts his consciousness in a girl with no organs and spies on the mafia with another girl (presumably with organs). For the love of god just read more about Mukuro below I cannot put this even remotely succinctly.

The Ellimist - Animorphs

The Ellimist is a god-like omniscient being. Originally, he was just some guy (alien) until his planet was destroyed. He was kept alive for entertainment by a sponge interfaced with his brain, until he overcame it and as a result had the collective knowledge of millions of dead aliens. In a fight with a world destroyer, he was knocked into a black hole and became integrated with time and space. The name "The Ellimist" actually comes from his gamertag when he was just some guy. Read more about the Ellimist below.

Full description of Mukuro:

"it's his party-keeping strategy

okay so. when he is around 8 yo he gets experimented on by a mafia family which allows him to live through 6 lifetimes or for going to hell in 6 different paths anime retcons it a bit then he kills those guys who experimented on him and offers the obly to survivors of the same experience to join him. gets picked up by another mafia family with his lil gang at some point decides all mafia is evil possesses the body of the guy who introduced him. to this family and makes him kill em all. does SOMETHING all these years still possessing that guy on his way somewhen when he is around 15 gets thrown to regular jail with all 3 ppl who are following him around finds some guys for hire there escapes takes his gang with him decides that to destroy the mafia successfully and turn the world into a beautiful sea of blood he needs to hijack the body of the only boss candidate of the most powerful mafia family. goes to Japan because that guy is a 13 yo Japanese boy. chooses to live in an abandoned amusement park with his gang (which is now 3 ppl plus 4 hirees) also enrolls to a middle school for some reason?? he chose it based on the uniform but it's not like you need to go to school to wear the school uniform like he is 15 it would work. makes everyone in his gang wear it btw that includes future members we didn't get to yet. anyway eventually he provokes this poor Japanese boy to come in his own abandoned park makes a his henchmen fight said Japanese boy's friends one by one at some point also goes out pretending to be a poor victim of very evil rokudo mukuro to get closer to that 13 yo but that fails because his acting is so bad he creeps the guy out in five minutes tops. anyway that boy kicks his ass during that fight he possesses 4 more people irrelevant. he is taken to mafia jail now by mafia cops who are technically zombies but that's not relevant as wellt. in a month he escapes with his two closest... he would not want me tocall them friends. closest followers those two survivor dudes. anyway he gets caught again but they don't and go to Japan. he is now locked into a huge ass water cylinder because stop fucking escaping. while he vibes in the cylinder he finds a dying 13 yo Japanese girl who is once again dying because she got into an autocrush and doesn't have organs now. he makes a deal with her where he sustains her illusionary organs and she sometimes becomes a vessel for his consciousness because he can't be water cylindered all the fucking time. that girl is now named chrome (pronounced kuromu) dokuro which is sooooooooo subtle. anyway he takes up an offer to become an underling of said 13 yo future mafia boss who btw is not aware of that. fights a battle for him ig. next 10 years he still is water cylindered but he also takes up a pupil who is the most insufferable lil bitch and also spies for the sake of that one mafia family he sorta maybe joined. remember how he hated mafia? that's still a thing. he still spies for them in his own volition. these two statements can coexist. anyway whatever due to time shenanigans his 15 yo past self gets his future selves memories which would be cool IF HE WASN'T ALREADY CYLINDRED. chrome gets into some trouble and he possesses her to help her out which is fine I mean they're very consensual here the point is to do that he sorta leaves his own body and you know what it gets possessed. by a 200-400 yo ghost. who died and maybe did or maybe did not get reincarnated into mukuro centuries later. mukuro has to take up. magical owl body and ALL THIS ARC. HE CAN'T SHUT UP. ABOUT THAT WHY THE FUCK IS HE POSSESSED?? THATS HIS BODY?? biggest hypocrisy king ever as if it's not signature move to hijack bodies.

anyway they manage to get the ghost out and for doing that he gets uncylindred because HOLY SHIT was that ghost who knew how to use special. dead ppl only powers inconvenient to zombie but sorta not you should NOT know that mafia cops. he is a free boy now (no he is under the contract where he has to work for that one future boss or he gets cylindered again). and one of his first decisions as a free boy is to find again that insufferable bitch pupil he saw into memories of the future. the trick is that pupil is 8 now. there is another group that wants him but the lil bitch is so insufferable the instant they see him. they try to coax the other group into taking him. mukuro gang is chosen in the end because of mukuro's funny pineapple hair. happy end.

btw he is named roughly six paths corpse. also he is Italian. "

Full description of the Ellimist:

"When we first meet the Ellimist in the main series, he's presented as this omniscient and powerful entity. We learn over time that he's playing a cosmic game with another omniscient entity, Crayak, and the rules of the game are that The Ellimist is trying to save worlds while Crayak tries to destroy them, but with rules as to how involved they can be in the lives of the people they're destroying/saving.

Where it gets really weird and fucked up is in his stand alone novel where we learn that he used to be just some dude (fka Toomin) living on a random planet. He was just an alien who loved video games, until his whole planet got destroyed and he and some friends managed to flee in an experimental spacecraft.

Eventually, they crash land on a moon entirely covered in water, within which lives a massive parasitic sponge capable of interfacing with the dead brains of everyone who's crashed there. Problem is, giant sponge is bored, so he keeps Toomin alive for entertainment. Eventually Toomin managed to overtake the giant sponge via the power of emotions, pieces together some of the spacecraft stuck in the moon ocean due to now having access to the knowledge of millions of dead aliens, and sets off into space as a super smart, decently powerful sentient spaceship.

That's when he first meets Crayak, who at the time was destroying worlds for funsies. After a brief break for Toomin to experience Depression and a healthy dose of existential dread, transplant himself into an alien body, get married, and have some babies, Toomin and Crayak begin physically fighting and spaceship Toomin is knocked into a black hole. This event is the catalyst that integrated Toomin with the fabric of time and space itself and fully turned him into The Ellimist (which used to be his gamer tag on his home planet btw). Crayak managed a similar feat, at which point they agree that physically fighting could potentially end the universe and instead settle on a cosmic chess match, because that's just what happens when you turn an idealistic nerd in a god I suppose."

[soupbabe]

Could I get the Bucci gang and Diavolo with a ghost sibling? (like the one you did with Dio and the Crusaders) I really appreciate your writing and you've inspired me to try to write my own reader stories sometime!

Ghost Sibling HCs: Bucci Gang Edition! (+ Diavolo)

Oh my god that's so nice of you to say!! I think it's so cool that I actually inspired someone!! Ily so much anon!! <3 My only impression of Diavolo just has been his fight w Bruno, so I just wiki'd everything for him. So I apologise if he's not entirely in character!! Also, I genuinely had nothing for Abbacchio so he's not in this one. I really hope you don't mind

Warnings!: Goes into how reader died, Spoilers for Part 5, and Mentions of abuse from Giorno's part! Please stay safe !

Bruno Bucciarati

You were an older sibling of Bruno and you also stuck around with your father when the divorce came along

You commonly worked along with your father and ended up getting murdered when the gangsters infiltrated the boat

While your father was able to survive, you died at the scene. Your soul set to haunt the surrounding dock

Although it was tricky trying to see you due to the lingering fear of potential gangsters, Bruno always managed to find a way to visit you

It was hard for the younger Bucciarati, he cared about you as much as he did his father

Almost every visit was paired with a somber undertone, no matter how normal you tried to make it

But you were proud of Bruno and the man he's become today and you two still keep in touch

I do believe that as he gets older, he'd look at this place with a bit more fondness. Replacing the tragic memory of you and your father with all the times you tried to be there for him

When he became Capo, Bruno made certain to keep tabs on the small fishing village, making sure your resting place is in pristine condition

He's well aware that you might not get to pass on and he just wants to do what can to get you the best

Giorno Giovanna

You were Giorno's older step-sibling, having there be a 5-8 year age difference between the two of you

You were well aware of your father's abuse and did what you could to protect your little brother

Of course, your father didn't take too kindly to your behavior and it only made your punishments worse

One night, your father took out most of his anger onto you and it ended up killing you

Your soul latched onto Giorno, wanting to keep on protecting him even in death

You were there for him through everything and you were happy that he was able to find better family through the gang

And even in the gang, you were able to find your own peace in a way

(mostly) everyone welcomed you with open arms and it was a nice change of pace from talking to only Giorno for the past 10 or so years

Pannacotta Fugo

You were an older sibling, praised by your parents and used as an example for Fugo to follow

He never really resented you because of it though. You were helpful when he had the toughest lessons and treated him with the care that your parents never gave

I can imagine Fugo accidentally killing you during one of his rages, you got too close and he lashed out at you

As if he wasn't freaked out and panicked over your murder, seeing your ghost wasn't any better

He ignored any note of your presence, leaving it up to some hallucination rather than a ghost of all things

It took him a while to actually accept the fact that you're still with him and it was really awkward for a while

It made his guilt about the situation worse tbh, like it's been too long that he can't really apologize for what he did to you

And I don't imagine you being too happy either. Spending your eternity with your murderer and have him deny your existence for a couple of months does hurt

It's just one of those cases where your relationship couldn't be repaired after death, leaving you both to spend each other's company with an awkward weight on each other's shoulders

Both of you were never well taught in emotions so trying to cope with something as strange as this is not likely.

Narancia Ghirga

You were Narancia's twin sibling

you were just as loyal as him so you didn't bat an eye when he proposed that you both take Polpo's test

It's not like he would do it without you anyways, you two were a package deal

What he didn't take in account was you not surviving the stand arrow

It really did break Narancia seeing you dead and then seeing your ghost, looking like nothing happened

I feel like you haunting him furthers his denial of your actual death. That it doesn't actually matter since you're still next to him and able to laugh like nothing happened

It would be a combination of you and Bucciarati to help him with his grief, but he was still joyful to have you around

Even though you couldn't interact much with the physical world, he still invited you to his math lessons with Fugo and treated you as a valid member of the gang

Guido Mista

You were Mista's younger sibling that haunted his apartment

He'll admit that it was a bit freaky dealing with you at first, but he managed to adapt to it pretty quickly

He was able to live his usual carefree lifestyle, the added money from being apart of Passione was used for making the house a bit more comfortable

He felt bad that you couldn't leave and tried to make it more bearable

Plus he did it as an apology for all the times you cleaned up the pigsty that is his room

He also enjoyed that you were also free home security

He's made a couple of enemies in his time and having someone who can't be injured through typical means was helpful

He always enjoyed the occasional stories you told of the intruder's terrified faces at the fact that their guns and knives had no effect on you

But even if you were already dead, he'd ask for the faces of the idiots who disrespected and tried to kill to you.

Just because you're dead doesn't change the fact that you were still his family and he needed to teach those losers a lesson when you can't do it yourself.

Diavolo

Oh my god I'm so sorry for you

Listen, this man was not above attempted murder of his own daughter to hide his identity. You would've been one of his first targets

When he'd see that you never actually died, he would use whatever he had in his arsenal to get rid of you

But of course nothing worked, having to come to terms that you were a ghost

I don't think this could make his paranoia worse because technically you are gone and you can't go outside without him/Doppio, it's just a great inconvenience

He usually acts like you don't exist, yelling at you if you were to interact with the mafia boss

To Doppio you were only known to be a close friend of the boss and nothing else

He would happily chat with you, blissfully unaware that he was talking to a corpse

I think being anywhere near Diavolo in this state is a fate worst than death

Being around such a dark and negative energy already isn't good for the living, imagine how the dead feels

Plus not to mention the rough period of occasional murder attempts, all in new ways for Diavolo to get you gone for once and for all

[angry-geese]

Favourite Worst Nightmare

Secco x Reader and that gross green guy i guess >:(

Warnings: sfw. Mentions of violence and injury but nothing too graphic. A little suggestive towards the end. Gn!Reader

Notes: ehhh idk what this is but I feel like i should apologize for it. Reader ends up running a job for Cioccolata and Secco and survives the encounter

Part Two

There were very few things you hated more than running packages for Unita Speciale.

As a courier, you were one of the more replaceable- albeit necessary- parts of the gangs; the gears that kept the machine of Passione running. To put it lightly, this was never a life you wanted. When you came to Italy you never planned on spending the rest of your days as a half-rate mobster.

Technically, you worked independently. You didn't fall under the jurisdiction of any specific group. It was a fancy way of saying you were on your own. God help you if you accidentally pissed someone off because no one was coming to your rescue. Considering you could be targeted by warring gangs for running packages, you hoped the pay would be decent.

It wasn't.

Italy's underground wasn't how you expected it to be. It was harsh- you knew it'd be like that- but nothing like the mafia movies you watched as a kid. As cheesy as it sounds, they were still people, each with their own stories to tell. Being in your position, you listened. It was safer to play along and make friends than become the enemy of your worst nightmare. Jobs for smaller groups were typically safer but didn't pay enough to survive. Those with more reach- specifically ones closer to the boss- paid better.

From the outside, the building was unassuming. It was once an apartment complex- still is, technically- but only two people live there. Long ago it was designated as a hideout.

You've never spent much time at the place. You weren't often desperate enough to take their jobs. People talked. It's reputation was not unknown to you. You were well aware of the doctor and his... whatever the hell the other guy was. Assistant doesn't feel like the right word, and pet- however fitting- seems a bit dehumanizing. Though maybe it should. You've been warned these two were dangerous.

The sooner you get this over with the better.

You knock in the pattern Passione uses to identify other members. Two-three-two.

A set of unblinking purple eyes stares at you from the crack in the door. Part of you is glad its him who answered the door and not the other one. Your meetings with them have been few, and only in passing. These are not people you want to give the benefit of the doubt. Physically, Secco isn't very imposing. But beneath Oasis is lithe muscle that could drop you in an instant.

You pull the package from you bag, offering it to him.

"What is it?" He asks.

"A parcel." You say.

You know better than to open it, but you'd be lying if you said you weren't tempted to. It's likely money. Which you could use, though they'd notice it missing before you could even leave the city. Someone seemed to want it- evident by the man who attacked you. Clearly you won, but you didn't come out unscathed.

"Let them in." Someone says from the other room. It's faint, but clear.

The hairs on the back of your neck stand.

The room is sparsely furnished, with a single leather couch and coffee table, and blank walls. If you hadn't been told someone lived here, you would think the place was empty. It's sterile, white, and clinical in every sense of the word. At least get some decorations or something. You may be a mafioso, but you at least make your apartment look lived in. They don't seem to take interest in creature comforts the way you do.

The door seems to echo in the room as its shut. You take a few stiff steps forward, stopping just a few feet from the entrance. Its then the other man appears- covered up to his elbows in blood. He has the gall to look rather annoyed.

"You brought a gun," Cioccolata circles you, "cute."

"It's nothing personal, Signore." You say. "I need to defend myself."

"Are you not a stand user?" He asks.

"No."

It feels safer to lie. Maybe he'll go easier on you. Having gained one rather recently- and then never using it- meant you didn't have the best grasp on your abilities.

"Sit," he switches out his gloves for a new pair, "I'll stitch up that wound."

"That's not necessary."

"Consider it payment," he passes the package off to Secco.

Despite everything within you telling you to run, you sit. It's only a stab wound, though you should get it checked out. God forbid it gets infected. Someone like him doesn't do good deeds, but nothing about this strikes you as dubious. Often times people offered you smokes or drinks in return, this isn't too different.

He doesn't numb the wound before stitching it up. It hurts, but not bad enough to say something. Part of you is alright with that- he didn't drug you. That thought is comforting.

Those unblinking eyes stare up at you from your lap. Secco's hand not-so subtly reaches into your bag, pulling out a stash of chocolate you meant to save for later. The two of you lock eyes.

"That's a weird looking dog." You don't really mean to say it out loud.

He sits by your feet, gnawing on the sweets, rubbing up against your leg like a cat. As uneasy as it makes you, you fear his reaction if you ask him to stop. It wouldn't kill you to suffer through a few minutes of this. Pissing him off might.

"Secco seems to like you." Cioccolata mentions.

You're not sure how you feel about that. It doesn't seem quite so innocent.

"Those sutures can come out in a week." He says. "I'm sure you know the drill; don't get them wet, keep them clean, don't tear the wound back open."

You gather your things and leave.

Maybe that job lured you into a false sense of security.

If they wanted you dead, you would be. The reasoning seems sound enough in your head.

You'd go on to run more packages for them.

The pay was decent enough. Nobody else tried to mug you. People in general gave you a wide berth. For the most part, you were left alone. Whether they had something to do with it- or if it was just rumors- you'd never know. You didn't question it. To be the one who looked the mad doctor in the eyes and live was reason enough. Your situation was far from good, but you were a long stretch from being at rock bottom.

It became a routine for you. Your run wasn't long, and it wasn't in a shady part of town either. Get to a pickup point, deliver the package, try not to die. You got comfortable.

Secco opens the door before you can even knock. He seems to have a sixth sense for whenever you're around. He does his usual act of raiding your bag for sweets- of which you make sure to keep a small stash of. It keeps him occupied, and usually far away from you.

You sit while Cioccolata finishes up whatever he's doing in the basement. Don't question it. Those definitely weren't screams. You should know better than to go poking around where you don't belong. Despite growing used to the sterile nature of their apartment, the basement brought up a visceral fear in you.

Secco practically climbs into your lap. Despite not being too imposing physically, he's heavy. You absentmindedly scratch his head while you wait.

"Stay with us," Secco runs his icy hands up your sides, squeezing the fleshy parts of your hips. His grip is strong, and only tightens when you try to squirm away. He grows tired of you struggling, and pulls you up into his arms, heading towards the basement.

[horrorxweasley]

(Part 1) Triple W Mafia George x Fem! Y/N series

Warnings: Swearing! that’s it really (unless I've missed something then please let me know)

Word Count: 2,174

Summary:  George Weasley is a renowned Mafia boss who took over from his Father Arthur once he retired, to carry on the Triple W mafia legacy. The only mafia known to be able to keep the Death Eaters (their rival mafia) at bay. However there is one item that they stole from the Triple W’s which George is determined to get back...his mothers necklace, the family heirloom. Y/N Greyback has been forced to comply with the Death Eaters wishes as her family are high up members. What happens when George and Y/N meet? And what happens when they fall in love?

Series Masterlist 

The lights were dim in the what looked like to be an old bar room, the red hue coming from the red lamp shades hitting the walls. Smoke from cigars fogging up the top half of the room barely keeping the floor below visible. At each table there were groups of men, all sitting in perfectly tailored suits, sipping on their glasses of whiskey, laughing and having a good time. At the back of the room however, sat one man, alone. His elbow propped up on the arm of his chair, his finger brushing over his top lip as if he were deep in thought. His other hand held the same glass as every other man in the bar, lazily not caring if it were to fall and smash everywhere.

The man, George Weasley, a tall ginger man who’s eyes were the dark but kind shade of brown. Although seemingly intimidating, George had a kind heart, if he seen someone being attacked or robbed in the street, everyone would end up feeling bad for the attacker by the time George was finished with him. He had no time for the scum who go out of their way to make someone else’s life a living hell in order for them to feel a small, temporary taste for a God complex.

George had only recently taken over the title of the Triple W Mafia Boss, when his father Arthur had decided it was his time to retire and pass over the family ‘business’ to one of his sons. George was one of 6 sons and one daughter within the Weasley family. His identical twin brother Fred was technically supposed to become the next Mafia boss, as he was the older twin. But, he had decided that his brother George was more fit to the job than he was. So, George gratefully took over the role and appointed Fred and his younger brother Ron, to be his sort of ‘Body Guards’ although, of course George was far from needing any form of help when it came to beating or killing a criminal, it was still always good to have a little back up sometimes.

“Hey Georgie, what’s the plan then? What we gonna do about these damn Death Eaters?”

George sat, not moving, deep in thought. ‘What was he going to do about those Death Eaters?’ He has no where to start, the bastards are constantly on the run. He was determined to find their whereabouts however, as they had stolen something very precious to him, his mother’s necklace. The Weasley family heirloom.

-

In a room that was very clearly abandoned and covered in moss and mould, sat groups of men and some women in black cloaks with peculiar pointed hoods. These people, in contrast to that of which the Triple W members, appeared extremely intimidating. The members of Triple W were intimidating,  but these were the sort of people no one would want to encounter in the streets, day or night. There was no smoke from cigars in this small dingy room, there was however and eye watering stench, that was so strong some of the Death Eaters swore they seen a slight foggy green haze floating around the room.

All cloaked members were sitting in a circle all surrounding their leader Tom Riddle, or as he likes to call himself ‘Voldemort’. A tall man (not as tall as George) with black, short curly hair. He wasn’t wearing a cloak like his ‘followers’ but was wearing something that looked more like a bath robe, it was all black of course to fit in with the rest. All were listening in carefully to what he was saying, all apart form Y/N Greyback, daughter of Fenrir Greyback, a man who is considered very high up in the Death Eater mafia. She was sat in the corner, wearing a contrasting blood red dress that hugged all of her curves perfectly. Her Y/H/C hair was curled at the ends in neat ringlets, and she had some makeup on but not too much so she looked ‘dolled up’.

“We all know that the Triple W are cowering out in some fancy old bar, trouble is we don’t know where, I’ve had a few out scouting round the area, unfortunately they have all been caught” Riddle speaks out gesturing and engaging with his followers.

“What do you suggest we do then sir?” Said Fenrir who was sitting right next to where Riddle was parading around the room.

“I say we send out our most valuable member, of course, real them in, make them vulnerable” he smirked

“You don’t mean…”

“Oh yes, but I do, your daughter shall make excellent bate my dear friend, for she wears what Weasley most desires” Riddle finishes

Y/N too busy sat in the corner reading an old book, didn’t even notice that every Death Eater members eyes were on her, all smiling to themselves.

This may actually work, if we send out Y/N who is wearing that incredibly expensive looking, diamond necklace, it may just lure the idiot ginger straight to us” Fenrir laughed.

So their plan was set, send Y/N as bait and hopefully George would follow.

-     George still hadn’t moved from the position he was sat in, he hadn’t taken a single sip of his drink, his eyes focussed and barely ever blinking. He was seemingly ignoring every person who tried to get a word out of him for some sort of plan to take down their Rival mafia. Sure he had killed a lot of spies they had sent out, but he was getting absolutely no leads on where exactly they were coming from, Riddle was smarter than he thought. It seemed he had Death Eaters coming from all over the country in all different directions and disguises. George had to find some way in order to track down where exactly they were based.

The sounds of other members arguing, specifically Fred and Ron who were standing right next to where George was sat, started to sound like a horrible ringing noise, it was driving him insane, how could he concentrate when these buffoon’s were yelling nonsense at each other.

“WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP” He yelled now getting up from his seat and walking to the middle of the smoky room.

“I can’t fucking think when you’re all fighting and arguing with each other on what we’re going to do. I am very aware that those bastards are close to finding us, alright? They’ve gained more members in the past few months than I can count on my two hands. Problem is, they’re coming from all over the country, there is no set direction from where they’re all coming from, meaning that they aren’t coming from their base. This brings us to our next problem, what we’re going to do about it. The only thing I can suggest right now, which I believe may actually be our only two options, is either we leave and find a new base OR we send out multiple people all round the general area of here just outside the boarders of this town where the forests are. Each mile will have two of our members, armed and ready to capture and interrogate anyone that comes from outside the town. This includes anyone who seems innocent to the eye I.e. a mother and child as we all know by now there are families who have been a part of the Death Eaters for years, long enough for them to welcome their children. If you see a mother and child however, you of course don’t attack them straight away, you take them for questioning and more importantly, you look for that damn skull snake monstrosity that they all have tattooed on their left forearm.”

George stands looking between each of his guys trying to gauge what they were thinking by their faces.

“So what’s it to be? Hands up if you think we should move”

No one put their hands up and George smiled knowing that everyone in Triple W are too loyal to the town of Diagon to even consider leaving.

“Good choice boys, now” he rubs his hands together “who’s volunteering to be part of the watch team?”

- Y/N couldn’t believe her ears when she heard the plan to trick Triple W into following her back to the Death Eaters. She also had no idea that the beautiful silver diamond necklace that hung lazily round her neck was the stolen Weasley heirloom.

The actions of her family disgusted her, she knew that what they stood for and what they were doing was wrong, but putting her in harms way all over a stupid rivalry, AND tricking her into thinking that the necklace she had was a gift. She felt so stupid for believing them, Y/N had no options but to accept that she was going to have to go along with their horrendous plan and bait George and other members of Triple W into following her back into her family and Riddle’s evil grasp.

“Perfect” Riddle smiled grimly when Y/N accepted

“But of course, we can’t just lure them in, in one mere night, no, you have to spread this out over the course of a few days. Have him become intrigued by you, follow you a little while. You’ll be staying in a place called the Leaky Cauldron, don’t let him see you in there, it’ll blow your cover. Make sure he only sees you walking through the streets. Got it?”

Y/N tentatively nodded her head

“Good, and then, when the time is right, you’ll lead him straight here. We’ll be in communication with you, don’t let me down”

Y/N shakily made her way to Diagon, bags packed and the necklace still hanging round her neck. She had since changed into a black, silk dress, helping the bright silver of the necklace stand out against the dark colour of her clothes, further, of course to draw George Weasley’s attention.

Once she had settled into her room at the Leaky Cauldron, she was given specific instruction to make sure she wondered round the street at night, as that is most likely when Triple W members will come out from wherever they were hiding.

Y/N took a step out into the cold crisp night air, her heels click clacking off the stone pavements. She couldn’t help but take in the beauty of the town, cobblestone roads winding all through it, the windows on each building slightly askew but somehow didn’t seem out of place. It was as if she were walking through an old victorian town.

Snapping her thoughts back to the task at hand, she pulled her black shawl over her shoulders more and continued to wander aimlessly round, trying to find some form of clue as to were Triple W were hiding.

- George was more than satisfied with the outcome of the meeting they had today. He had 40 people on a list to keep watch each mile surrounding Diagon, meaning that all 20 miles would be covered. They all had their instructions ingrained into their heads and were ready to get to work the next day. Fred and Ron as usual would stay within Diagon with George, communicating to those who were out surrounding the area getting updates and passing round information. George had also decided to send a few extra spies out, including his younger sister Ginny to be on the look out for any Death Eater members who may still be lurking round the town.

George, Fred and Ron made their way out of the old bar room, and onto the streets. George made sure that they each had means of contacting each other. Fred whom George would normally live with, agreed that they each should have their own flats or place to stay in order to cover more of Diagon, and therefore be more accessible to those out in the forest. With their last goodbyes and a few phone calls to book places to stay, the three brothers separated all going in opposite directions.

George headed down the street, his hands becoming slightly red from the cold, and he could see his breath in the air. The dim orange streetlights barely lighting up the path as he walked past the old crooked houses and shops.

Just a George turned the corner he bumped into someone, a woman, dressed in a black dress and shawl.

“Oh I’m so sorry miss, I wasn’t looking where I was going properly, these damn street lights barely light up 2 feet in front of you. Are you alright” George asked looking into her eyes with worry

“I’m perfectly fine, sir, thank you” she smiled back and walked away

But George followed her with his eyes, more specifically he followed her neck, because what was hanging from it made him do a double take. He knew those diamonds from anywhere, they way they glistened brightly in every light. Was that, his mother’s stolen necklace?

Taglist: @amourtentiaa​ @love-peachh​ @pens-and-roses​ @rosietoesy​ @comfortwriting​ @famdomhideout​ @dracofknmalfoy​ @pandaxnienke​ @georgeweasleysbabe​ @le-weasley-simp​ (MESSAGE/ASK IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED)

[bruhstories]

Vogel und Jäger

- PART TWO

Summary: After waking up, you realise the realities of the world you've been pulled into. Pairing: Zeke Jaeger x Fem!Reader (mafia AU) Warnings & Content: stabbing, language, angst Word Count: 1.7 k

A/N: make sure to read part one, otherwise this won't make any sense xD there's still a bit of build up going on, but starting with part three we'll be getting some action

You woke up from a restless sleep, crumbs of mascara stuck to your face. God, you needed a shower and a toilet immediately. The club was dead empty from the view upstairs, only a few people cleaning the tables and moping the floor. You stretched your arms and walked to the door, surprised it wasn't locked.

"Ah, miss Y/L/N, good morning! I hope you had a pleasant sleep." Someone startled you and you cleared your voice.

"Hi, who are you?"

"Oh, my apologies, I am Onyankopon." The man smiled and handed you a paper bag. You peekee inside and saw something which resembled clothes and toiletries. You recognised the stag pin in his chest, another of Zeke's employees. "I assume you'd like to clean yourself up. Please follow me."

"I'd love that, thank you." You smiled and followed Onyankopon downstairs. He told you bits and pieces of the Jaeger family overthrowing the police and gaining control of Paradis City, how the Marleyans wanted control over the city's resources and docks, all kinds of information you weren't entirely sure you were supposed to know. He walked you to the backstage, where all the strippersdancers got ready, encouraging you to use whatever you needed for you'd be the star of the club. That didn't help you in any way, instead it was anxiety-inducing, and your toes curled at his affirmation. You quickly took off last night's makeup, brushed your teeth, washed your face and body in a sink and got dressed. The clothes were simple, a long, light blue shirt — clearly a man's — and a pair of leggings. You wondered whom they belonged to, perhaps that grim-looking lady, Yelena. She terrified you with her look that could kill. Your hands hovered over the vanity in the dressing room but decided not to waste any more time and folded your old clothes, placing them in the paper bag.

"I'm ready." You walked out of the room and met with Onyankopon. He smiled and guided you out through the back door. "Hey, Onyankopon, who's Mikasa?"

"Oh, miss Mikasa is our best assassin. She's loyal only to Eren, though, which is an impediment for Zeke... I probably shouldn't have said that." He opened the door of a superb black car and you climbed inside with a sigh. You heard how the mafia was based on trust, and no one trusted you.

Most of the ride was silent, your eyes wandering out the window until Onyankopon parked in front of a huge and heavily guarded mansion. You knew the Jaegers were rich, but this was beyond obscene. You opened the door and Onyankopon scolded you for doing that, but you assured him you were perfectly capable of doing things by yourself. He walked you through the beautiful front garden of the mansion, through the large hallway and into what you assumed to be a living room. Or an office? Whatever that was, it was as big as the dining room of the orphanage.

"Ah, the little bird has arrived! You look splendid in my shirt." Zeke welcomed you and you felt your cheeks warm up at his words. The heat disappeared just as quickly when your eyes met with Yelena's. "Come, sit. I suppose you're hungry."

You nodded, feeling saliva building up in your mouth at the sight of croissants, bagels and all kinds of foods you've never had before. Historia was rich, but even her money wasn't enough to feed so many mouths. Doors swung open and you saw Eren barge in, followed by a few people close behind. He plopped on a couch opposite you, the same inexpensive look on his face.

"Let's get over with this. I've got shit to do."

"Impatient as always." Zeke rolled his eyes. "Y/N, do you swear to obey and serve the Jaeger family?" The question caught you off guard, but you nodded.

"I do."

"There, done." The older Jaeger brother shrugged and Eren clicked his tongue.

"You almost didn't let Mikasa walk out of this room alive because she swore loyalty to me and this is all you do to her? You're getting soft, brother."

The air in the room grew thick, almost impossible to breathe it in. All eyes were on you, and you didn't know if what you felt was shame or fear, or both.

"Very well." Zeke walked behind you and took your left hand, placing it on the coffee table in front of the couch. "Hold that there, will you, love?" He smiled and you slightly relaxed. Until — a sharp pain, followed by electricity and heat shot from your hand, through your arm. A blood-curling scream erupted from your throat, tears falling from the corners of your eyes as you squirmed and thrashed at burning sensation, your hanned pinned to the table with a knife. Blood seeped from the wound and you panicked, no one in that room rushing to your aid. No one blinked, no one felt sorry. "Swear your loyalty to me. To the Jaeger family."

"I swear! Oh, God, I s-swear! Please!" You begged, feeling your temperature falling from your cheeks. Zeke twisted the knife and you fell from the couch, knees hitting the wooden floor.

"Who do you belong to?" He asked, unphased by your whimpers, sobs and yelling, as he let go of the knife that still pierced your flesh.

"T-to you! Make it stop, p-please!"

"Good enough for me. Any objections?" Zeke eyed his little brother.

"Just stitch her hand. She's annoying." Eren clicked his tongue and poured himself a cup of coffee. When Onyankopon pulled the knife out, blood gushed out of the fresh wound and you felt the room spin and your head heavy, vision blurry — you fainted.

A hard slap across your cheek woke you up and you met with Yelena, eyes drifting to your bandaged hand. It was damn painful to move it, and you used your other hand to support your weight, shifting your position on the couch.

"Finally." Eren got up and and handed you a file. You flipped through it and found pictures and information of the men from the club.

"Y/N, this is Armin, our bookkeeper. He'll be paying you after every successful show. And this is Mikasa, she'll train you in self-defence. I suspect you won't need it, but it's better to be safe than sorry." Zeke pushed the glasses with his index finger.

"You stabbed me." You bluntly stated, eyes glued to the bandages.

"It'll heal."

"It'll heal? I'm already in debt, you didn't need to stab me!" You got up and instantly felt a gun to your head. Great.

"Sit." Yelena's voice was brash and commanding. Your brain told you to listen to her, but your instincts told you to provoke her, to taunt her. Teeth gritting, you took a deep breath and lowered yourself down, deciding to do both.

"You're not gonna shoot me without Mr. Jaeger's permission, so don't point your gun at me." A satisfied smirk creeped on your lips — you didn't technically provoke her, just stated the obvious.

"Can I shoot her?"

"No." Zeke enjoyed the show, and unbeknownst to you, he, too, felt somewhat proud of your little snarky remark. "You still have to prove your loyalty. Talk to the band, choose some songs for Friday, Saturday and Sunday. You're free to settle your training hours with Mikasa, and to go wherever you want, but you are not allowed to step foot anywhere outside the centre of Paradis. Last thing I need is some Marleyan kidnapping you and torturing you for information. Or the cops. Dismissed."

"Mr. Jaeger, if I may?" You waited for his nod of approval. "Since I won't be living at the orphanage anymore, where exactly am I going to stay?"

"Ah, yes, of course. Blouse, Springer, come here." Zeke waved his hand. More people, more names.

It slowly dawned to you that the Jaegers had a thorough structure with extremely loyal people, and you'd have to quickly find your place there and earn their trust, lest you died a painful death. A bubbly brown-eyed woman and a cheerful-looking man approached Zeke's desk, and finally you saw someone less serious. Onyankopon was nice and all, but he wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine. These two seemed... fun.

"These are Sasha Blouse and Connie Springer, leaders of the drug cartel. You'll stay with them until you're capable of living by yourself."

The duo smiled at you and you felt genuine warmth from them, making you wonder just how bad the mafia was. They seemed to like working for the Jaeger brothers, but you couldn't judge that just yet.

"Oh, we've already moved your stuff to their place, so there is no need for you to visit Historia. Now go, we've got work to do." Zeke placed a cigarette between his lips before turning his back at you.

You were right, Sasha and Connie were fun people. They talked a lot, and you warmed up to them with a few jokes and puns. Connie handed you a phone containing a few contacts, neither of which were Zeke or Eren— apparently you weren't allowed to speak to them, they would speak to you. Sasha explained how you had to forget your past, and dedicate yourself solely to the family — no relationships, no friends, no acquaintances. You were not permitted to fall in love, which was understandable, considering the circumstances, but hard, considering the inability to control feelings.

"Don't worry about it too much. Zeke and Eren care about their subordinates, as long as you listen." Connie wrapped an arm around your neck. Besides, you're one of the lucky ones. Boss never spares witnesses, so he clearly saw potential in you." Somehow, that didn't make you feel any better, you only felt more weight on your shoulders.

"Yeah, I heard you can sing!" Sasha beamed, clapping her hands. "I can't wait for your first show, I bet it'll be awesome."

"It has to be, otherwise you'll have to come to my funeral." You shook your head, exiting Jaeger Manor. A honk caught your attention and you saw Mikasa impatiently waiting for you in a car. "Any advice before I go?"

"Don't get attached to any of us." Connie sighed.

"But trust that the family will protect you if you're loyal." The woman encouraged you before hugging you. A hug, something you never thought you'd get from a mobster.

[sword-dad-fukuzawa]

Thoughts on Chuuya’s Character Song

I was going to do Atsushi’s next, but I figured I may as well do soukoku together. Also, this is really fucking hard with a hilariously limited understanding of Japanese and trying to cross reference poem translations with song lyrics, my god. Complaining now out of the way, this song is half as depressing as Dazai’s and twice as sexy, so buckle up, y’all. It’s a long one :p

No matter what kind of cliched game it is, I'll play until the end But I won't be satisfied with a scenario by a third-rate writer

Ah, an opening line that fits Chuuya to a tee. So, I figure he’s opening with the acknowledgement that many of the people he knows likes to treat him like a chess piece--namely, his boss and Dazai. He knows he’s just a player in the schemes of others, but he doesn’t particularly care about the fact that he’s being jerked around as long as it’s for some greater purpose. His tone seems to indicate that he resents this, at least a little, but his fiery dismissal says that it doesn’t matter to him in the end.

GOOD BYE, tainted clothes are no longer to be worn I simply wanted a way to kill time

Alright, multiple ways to interpret this bit. Goodbye in english, and a reference to the poem his ability is named after with “tainted”. The argument could be made he’s referring to Dazai, considering the title and references made in Dazai’s character song.

 I’d actually argue he’s talking about the Sheep. It feels like he’s casting off his past with that organization, dismissing them with the words that they weren’t really important to him--just a way to kill time, even though we know that their betrayal cut him deeply. And it’s why he’s saying goodbye, and dismissing them as a part of his past. It’s an interesting parallel to the way Dazai talks about Chuuya himself in his own song, because the both of them have pasts that they’re trying to run from.

'In languor dreams of death' ... who was the one that said it?

That would be you, Chuuya. At least IRL Chuuya, in his very fancy poem “For the Tainted Sorrow”. But why this line? 

I’ve puzzled it over for a while, but I don’t have a conclusion. Interesting that he opens with talking about death, though, considering how he brushes up against it almost every day by nature of his job.

The world is a bird cage, faded in colour Even if I lament, I can't get out of this prison

This part is also oddly reminiscent of Dazai’s song. Chuuya’s saying that he feels trapped, like a bird in a cage that no longer interests him at all, and that he can’t escape no matter how much he laments. Which is an interesting translation choice, considering his Sheep Song poem can also be translated as “Lament of the Lamb” (though the words themselves in Japanese differ, so I can’t call this an actual reference).

BUT NOW, DARKNESS MY SORROW I have not yet fallen apart So, as I laugh off this imposed inconvenience Let's overturn even the heavens and the earth (GRAVITY) Within the darkness, a shadow of a hat lightly dances

But Chuuya doesn’t care. So what if he’s trapped? So what if escape is impossible? He’s still alive, he’s still holding it together. So he brushes it off as something that doesn’t really impact him much. This song seems very much like a massive middle finger to the shitty cards he’s been dealt. Chuuya’s saying that despite it all, he’s still going to turn the world upside down. 

Part of me thinks the reference to the hat is a Rimbaud reference, since he got the hat from Rimbaud and it originally belonged to Verlaine. I feel like this is Chuuya acknowledging how those two people have influenced him, which...we don’t know about yet, as his backstory is still mostly unexplored.

Even if I get tired of the night and tear off my shackles That eye who sees eye to eye with Kierkegaard is also here

This is Chuuya saying that if he gets tired of the Port Mafia (remember, the night is the PM’s domain) there’s still someone who will make sure he can’t leave. After some googling, I’ve realized Kierkegaard is a Danish poet. But who is Chuuya referencing, who sees eye to eye with Kierkegaard? I’m pretty sure it’s Mori, but the JSTOR article I made an account for is 45 pages long and I’m working my way through it slowly. I’ll get back to y’all on this bit, but for now, I’m 90% sure this is Mori.

WOW OH [The best view worth more than a ten-billion masterpiece...] Let's stop messing around already

Ah, Chuuya, always ready for a fight. And this is definitely a reference to Dazai. This is what he says when he sees Dazai for the first time in four years, coming down the stairs to see his old enemy/friend/partner chained to the wall. If you need a memory refresh, it’s the scene where Dazai says “✨CHUUYA!✨”

Why, of all people... is the KEY CASE in that person's hand? In the moment we clashed, the one in control is me I will manipulate even the weight of this cut-short life

Who is “that person”? I’d hazard a guess that it’s Dazai, considering the previous line. The first line is him lamenting that Dazai seems to always have the answers, always to hold the key. But the next part is Chuuya reasserting his control. It’s Chuuya, fiercely defiant to the end, flipping another middle finger to the guy who keeps coming into his life to turn it upside down. Even his own mortality doesn’t faze him in the least. To Chuuya, it’s another obstacle to overcome.

LONELY DARKNESS MY SORROW, once it is opened by the key I'd rather just fall than go back to being alone Staring at the destroyed cage of this self, (GRAVITY) Slowly, I sing, "Not bad at all."

Chuuya, I love you, but why so many goddamn metaphors? Let’s break this down. 

Firstly, there’s a swap from “darkness my sorrow” to “lonely darkness my sorrow”. Ignoring the key part for now, we can look at the second line where he says he’d rather fall then be alone again. I think this is a part of his trauma from how he was alone, with Arahabaki/as Arahabaki, for so many years. Chuuya very deliberately surrounds himself with people--first the Sheep, then the PM. He hates to be alone. And it’s an interesting counterpoint to Dazai, who always feels alone regardless of who he’s with by sheer virtue of how isolated his brain makes him feel.

Secondly, the cage metaphor. So the cage from earlier also seems to double as a metaphor for Chuuya himself, which makes sense. He’s technically a vessel for Arahabaki, and so inner conflict has been a part of his identity from the beginning. So once someone (possibly Dazai, possibly Mori, possibly even Rimbaud if you want to focus on how Rimbaud freed Arahabaki) frees him, it’s like he destroys the things that are holding him back. And he’s fine with that. 

I’ll address the themes of destruction and the repeated screaming of “GRAVITYYYYY” at the end.

Even though it feels like I might be trapped, there is no room for sentiments I'll push myself to the limit and dye everything jet-black

Again, this is Chuuya brushing away his limitations. He’s still going to fight in spite of it all. He’s very goal oriented, liking to take action more than sitting back and thinking about it. 

The world is a bird cage, faded in colour Even if I lament, I can't get out of this prison BUT NOW, DARKNESS MY SORROW I have not yet fallen apart So, as I laugh off this imposed inconvenience Let's overturn even the heavens and the earth (GRAVITY) Within the darkness, a shadow of a hat lightly dances.

And then this bit is just a repeated part, nothing new here. So, a few concluding things. 

Firstly, Chuuya and Dazai sing about each other very differently. Chuuya seems to be almost nostalgic about Dazai. But Dazai rejects him entirely in his own song, and it’s an interesting counterpoint.

Secondly, the repeated themes of destruction and fighting. It’s honestly all Chuuya’s ever known, and the thing he’s best at. At this point, it’s a part of his identity, so it makes sense that it’s in his song. 

Third, and this part interests me the most. Chuuya’s ability is gravity manipulation, right? And gravity is an attractive force that draws objects to things with the greatest mass. I just feel it’s kind of fitting, that Chuuya--terribly scared of being alone--has a power that brings people towards him. 

Just a thought.

[egelantier]

Tian Guan Ci Fu

where is it and what is it

it’s a chinese webnovel by mxtx, the same author who did untamed; it exists as a webnovel, finished and kindly translated here, the manhwa, the donghua (animated adaptation) happening right now, and there’s a live action adaptation in plans, directed by the same guy who did untamed. the donghua is gorgeous, the adaptation i’m unsure about but prepared to be hopeful, the manhwa seems to be very pretty. but all the adaptations only cover the very beginning of the novel for now, so i went ahead and read the novel, and i have no regrets. it helps that the translation is very good - not without awkward translatorese, but it has consistent and engaging flow and style, and it’s also pretty good at conveying mxtx’s humor without awkwardness. it reads pretty well.

what’s it about?

the world is split into two parts: mortals and various ghosts and demons and entities share the land, while ‘heaven officials’, aka gods, live in the heavenly kingdom in the sky. pretty much anybody can become a god if they do something really heroic or memorable and/or cultivate (meditation, training, virtuous behavior) really hard. when above, the gods rule their domains and fulfill their believers’ wishes; they work sort of like pratchettian gods, dependent on their followers’ beliefs and getting influenced by them. heavens are strictly hierarchical, with their own economy and pecking order, and the gods aren’t particularly sinless or benevolent; mostly it’s a question of scale.

our hero, xie lian, is a prince of a prosperous kingdom who’s been on a fast track to ascension for most of his very short life; he’s talented, he’s virtuous, he’s kind, he’s strong, and his only peculiar flaw is (somehow naive, but well-meaning) obsession with equality and value of human lives and so on. he becomes a god, unexpectedly, at seventeen, after slaying one especially dangerous god, and rises in heaven at the peak of his faith, influence and happiness.

…and then he finds out about drought and incipient trouble in his own kingdom, and, being a young and righteous god too close to his mortality, eschews heavens and returns to save everybody. it, to put it lightly, does not go well. at all. in fact, it goes catastrophically wrong, and, having lost everything, xie lian ascends again, only to get into a fight with the heavenly emperor, and get banished again, this time for good. he roams the mortal lands for next eight hundred of very lonely, luckless and hard years, technically immortal but not invincible, with his powers and his luck stripped away, and leans to make do, eking out a living as a scrap collector. his temples are desecrated, his name is forgotten, his kingdom is long gone, and - well. so it goes.

so it goes! until one day, to everybody’s great surprise, he ascends once again: a humble, gentle, immune to embarrassment, unflappable man, an embarrassment to heavens, a 'laughingstock of three realms’ who just wants to be left well enough alone. he’s Tired.

instead of rest, he gets sent to investigate a dangerous ghost stealing brides who pass through its mountain, and there, during the course of the interrogation, has his first (he thinks) meeting with a terrifying, old-powerful and vengeful ghost king named hua cheng, who likes to terrorize heavens from time to time. but said ghost king seems to be very benevolent and very interested in helping xie lian, and xie lian is pretty instantly smitten… with knowing what’s the cause of such interest.

…and meanwhile, in the beginning, there'was an unlucky boy, born under the worst stars, whom xie lian saved from falling once, while still mortal, and promptly lost track of. a lot of things happened to this boy, who wanted to be the most devoted worshipper to xie lian the god of the sword and the flower. as one does, you know.

that’s the beginning! from there on: investigations, heavenly secrets, old friends and enemies and acquaintances, thematic parallels, old tragedies, more pining than you can shake a stick at, grand acts of love.

is it good?

it’s very, very good. it’s the first fantasy cnovel i read (aside from the hilarious one about a guy traveling back in his own timeline and becoming a sugar baby to a mafia boss, which was in a very different league), so i don’t know which things are baseline and which things are unique, but it had a very solid foundation: ambitious multilevel, multi-timeline plot coming together in the end both events- and emotions-wise, beautifully iddy main relationship, maybe multifaceted characters who change and grow and clash together in fun ways, a clear and heartfelt understanding of its own core themes.

it’s also, unexpectedly, very funny, in this visual, slapsticky, begs-to-be-adapted way - i found myself laughing out loud over it a lot of times, and it possesses this gift of swerve between understated but earnest emotions and all-out jokes that i associate with… a bit of prattchett and a bit of gintama, honestly. take it as you will.

(oh my god the mecha. i will laugh over this one until i die.)

it also made me cry several times; granted, it’s not like it’s this time, but those were very heartfelt tears.

and the main duo?

first let me say that xie lian was lifted out, wholesale, out of my deepest character preferences. he fell really, really far, and did some bad things, and some very horrible things were done to him, and by the time we meet him he went through everything and achieved this effortless kind of traumatized, humble, accepting, wryly self-deprecating, utterly competent chill that makes a character incredibly appealing to me. he’s kind, and he’s sweet, and he’s gotten any possible embarrassment at least a couple of centuries ago, and he kinda made peace with himself and kinda didn’t. i love him.

and, thankfully for me, hua cheng, the ghost king, loves him a whole damn lot, a ridiculous amount, an epic, over-the-lifetimes, life-shattering amount, and he’s a terrifying presence to everybody else and a shy, protective, sweet dork to xie lian, and every time they’re together on page my entire heart is just. it’s AMAZING. he’s a great combination of playing the obsessive protective yandere stalker-lover trope straight and putting it on its head, by making hua cheng not just revere but respect xie lian, in all his good and bad decisions.

they are just so - good for each other, holy shit. they get each other so well. they’re the best ever power team. i love them.

(the rest of canon is various character reenacting “really? in front of my salad?” meme at them. it’s hysterical, and it’s the best. everybody teams up to tell xie lian that his boyfriend is Problematic way, way before xie lian clues into the fact that he does have a boyfriend, and he’s having none of it. i love it.)

and the themes?

okay, so. roughly half of this novel is ridiculous iddy pining, and a fourth of it is various tropes (off the top of my head: soulbond, sex pollen, body switch, de-age, various shades of identity porn… crossdressing…) played very shamelessly. but it also really benefits from having an overarching set of ethical questions, and while it deals with them a bit shounen-style, it still deals with them, and it makes the whole text fresh, and sweet, and bold.

is it possible to save everybody? should you try to save everybody? if you lack the powers to back your convictions, does it make you complicit? when is it possible to stop the cycle of suffering, what can you do if you want to but can’t? if you tried and people you failed turned on you, whose fault it is, where does the blame stop?

Detailed spoilers begin from here, and i would REALLY advise to stay unspoiled, because the domino reveals are very fun

i loved the various ways the novel sets all those pieces up and then overturns them and then returns to them. xie lian wanted to save everybody and it was arrogant naivete of an untried, untested, privileged young man who never had a real challenge before; his presence made things escalate quicker, and yet everybody around him pretended it was his attempt to make things better that ruined everything, and not a combination of factors outside of his control. and yet he accepts the blame, because it dovetails with his shame at not having enough powers to back his intent up; and yet his triumph over bai wuxian is that he doesn’t, after all, renege on his initial drive to help people.

my most favorite part of this novel is that its turning point, the lynchpin of the whole novel, the moment that keeps xie lian’s soul and safety intact, is not his personal purity and drive; it’s not even hua cheng’s devotion and sacrificial love. it’s just a moment of little, grudging, human kindness from a little, petty, rude man whom the history will sweep away soon. the bamboo hat in the rain. the rest of the plot keeps twisting and turning and coming back to itself, but this? this was unquestionably, beautifully clear, and i loved it. it’s never about the gods, it’s all down to - fallen human is human, ascended human is human, and human is not some state, virtuous or sinful, you get stuck with - it’s a multitude of choices, and there’s never a final one.

and incoherent spoilery screaming for people who read it already

oh my god i had SO MUCH FUN. i’ve been flailing on meme for days, because somebody just finished reading there too, and i’m still bursting with ALL THE FEELS. ruoye origins oh my god! that hat! jin wu’s backstory and ultimate end! e-ming’s praise kink! pei ming’s little shippery 'hoho’! hua cheng’s horribly handwritten stick and poke tattoo of xie lian’s name! the lanteeeeeeeeeeeeerns. feng xin and mu qing on the bridge, making up with each other and with xie lian! hua cheng trying to explain to xie lian that his habit of using himself as bait and pincushion at any given moment is deeply emotionally upsetting to him, and succeeding! banyue’s learning from xie lian to be a truly horrible cook! the entire deal with shi qingxuan and he xuan and the wind fan in the end. THE CAVE. THE GIANT MECHA. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and aaaaaaaaaaaaa and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and i am beset, beset by feelings. come scream with me.

[shyneanon]

Here's a prompt: Your Mafia Sans and the MC somehow end up under some mistletoe. Does he manage to get a kiss? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Heheh, this was really fun. Thank you for this request. Consider this an unofficial, non-canon chapter of The Boss’ Daughter.

---

You didn’t mind Christmas parties too much.

Those present weren’t always from the mafia. They just thought your father… wasn’t. So it meant that not everyone was walking around with a gun tucked underneath their coat. You felt safer. And you got a taste of what normal life was like, at least for the wealthy. People always said normal life was boring. Which was too bad, you guessed. But you would relish it while you had the chance.

Mindy wasn’t here. She wanted to be, but her parents had taken her to a different party. So you occasionally engaged in small talk with other guests; it wasn’t very interesting, but you were used to it. And at least it was with normal people who worked honest jobs. It was what you liked to hear the most about. People’s boring, pencil-pushing jobs, where there was mundane gossip and coworkers who were mildly annoying.

Eventually, though, you wanted to be alone with your thoughts. This wasn’t your house, so you couldn’t go upstairs, but you did want to explore. It was a big and beautiful estate, certainly.

The owners must’ve really loved Christmas, because the mansion wasn’t just decorated where the party took place. There were decorations everywhere. But you were more interested in the old painted portraits and the intricate designs on the walls. Hm.

“Hey, doll.”

…

Oh my fucking God.

No. Not here. Surely he wasn’t here. It was like… some cruel and powerful force just wanted you to be nagged by him constantly. You turned around, desperately hoping you were mistaken, but Sans’ voice was deep and smooth in a way most people couldn’t match.

Sure enough, it was him. As usual, you had to look up to meet his gaze.

“What?” you immediately snapped, although you actually hadn’t meant to sound that hostile.

He blinked. “Good to see you too.”

For some reason, you said, “Sorry,” then made to backtrack… but changed your mind. Your tone had been more rude than intended. Well, you were at a party, so hopefully you could just remain cordial and he wouldn’t try anything funny.

… Oh who were you kidding, of course he was going to try something funny. But you could try to delay it.

So you smiled politely. “Sorry, you scared me. How are you?”

“I’m good,” he said, though he had a brow raised.

“Is something wrong?”

“Yeah, yer doin’ that thing.”

You blinked. “Doing what thing?”

“Th’ thing where you pretend tah like me.”

Your polite smile faltered. How were you supposed to respond to something like that?

He shrugged. “You don’t gotta put on the cute fake smile, sweetheart. It’s just us. I like when yer honest.” He winked. “Even if it’s mean.”

Well, fine then.

“My father’s here,” you said. “You do know that, right?”

“Dammit, doll, always with your dad. Jus’ forget about him.”

“He’s in charge of my whole life,” you said. “Forgetting about him isn’t really an option.”

“When he’s not around he ain’t in control of anything. Ya can make yer own choices.”

You avoided eye contact. That was technically true, and you wanted to do whatever you pleased, but if he found out, who knew what he would—

“Wanna try it right now?”

You looked back up at Sans with a wary expression. “What are you talking about?”

He pointed up, and you looked up at the very, very high ceiling, hanging from which was a very small cluster… of mistletoe.

“You have got to be kidding me,” you muttered.

“Papa ain’t around,” said Sans, his arms folded behind his back. He rocked back and forth on his heels for a moment. He would’ve looked like a shy schoolboy were it not for the grin on his face. “Ya can do whatever ya want.”

“And if he comes around the corner right now?” you said. Why were you even bothering? You just needed to say no and head back to the party.

“Ya just tell him it wasn’t consensual.”

You could feel the horror on your face. “He would shoot you right here, and no one would go to your funeral besides your brother.”

“I mean,” he said, “that second bit’s gonna happen regardless.”

He said it casually, but that was actually… rather sad.

His smile softened. You were unused to seeing it like this.

“Jus’ one kiss?” he asked.

You just stared. You opened your mouth to tell him to fuck off but for some reason you couldn’t form the words.

“Jus’ cuz you hafta,” he said. “Not cuz you wanna.”

He gave you a knowing wink. Was he implying that you wanted to kiss him? As if. You looked him up and down.

“It’s tradition,” he said.

Well… it is tradition.

“J… just because I have to,” you told him. That was stupid and you knew it. Anyone could come around the corner right now, and if anyone saw your father would know about it pretty quickly.

But… it was custom….

“Mmkay,” said Sans. It was oddly quiet.

He reached up and cupped your cheek. You were surprised that he wasn’t just grabbing you and kissing you. You weren’t sure which would be better worse.

His hand was so big. He was so big.

So why weren’t you scared?

He tilted your chin up and leaned down without hesitation. For some reason your heart was picking up. You suddenly started to worry. You had never kissed anyone before. When were you supposed to close your eyes? Before or after contact? Was it possible to miss the person’s face entirely? How long were you supposed to kiss for? At what point did it begin to—

His teeth touched your lips and you froze for a second, your body feeling several sharp jolts of energy. This would be strange if you didn’t kiss back, right? It would be uncomfortable. So you did.

To your surprise, he was gentle. His thumb stroked your cheek and you found yourself leaning up towards him more. You felt… warm, inside. Did he always kiss girls like this? Of course he did. That was what you were to him, right? Just another…

You felt a pair of hands on your waist and some sharp teeth gently biting down on your lip. Your heart leapt in your chest. You made a soft sound of surprise and he chuckled.

What a stupid laugh.

Your back was pressed against something and two large arms wrapped around you, holding you in a firm and steady but gentle grip. You immediately melted into it, your heart going a thousand miles a minute. As your hands reached up and ran themselves along the soft fabric of a suit, eventually wrapping themselves around a neck, you let out a soft sigh that Sans returned, although his was far deeper. Those teeth gently bit down again and your hands clutched fistfuls of his suit, and you realized you hadn’t run out of air yet. How long had you been kissing for? Had you kissed more than once?

Wait a second, you were… you were kissing-- What the hell are you doing?! Your eyes opened and you saw that his face was red. You were both up against the wall and in his arms.

Your lips broke contact with his teeth, and Sans spoke.

“Baby, I… I think I—“

You shoved him off and he let go, looking confused. Your face was burning. You looked down the hallway, terror replacing… whatever it was you’d been feeling two seconds ago. Fuck! Someone could have seen you! What the hell was wrong with you?

A large hand fell on your shoulder. “Sweetheart, it’s OK—“

“No,” you said, pulling away from him. “No it’s not.”

You fixed your hair, trying not to look at him, and rubbed your cheeks as if you could wipe the blush off. You straightened your dress.

“Doll, I… I want to tell you—“

“I don’t want to hear,” you said, your voice wavering. “Goodbye. Merry Christmas.”

You made your way back to the party, but you made the mistake of taking a glance back. Sans was just watching you leave. Was the usual twinkle in his eyelights missing?

No. In fact, that had never happened. You would just… pretend it had never happened.

You grabbed a glass of champagne and started to drink, trying not to look too eager about it.

[grimessbitch]

I’ll always protect you - Mafia! Daryl Dixon x Reader

This is a Mafia AU, no zombies just..mobsters

Hilltop- Aaron / Alexandria- Michonne/Daryl / Oceanside- Cyndie / New sanctuary- Maggie

Warnings: Mentions of sexual assault, suspicion of cheating, hella angst

Beta is the bad guy in this just..fyi

Word count: 1.5K

You’d think dating a mafia boss would be wonderful, especially whenever he was technically like a sugar daddy for you, but it was a lot harder than that. Yes you could spend all the money you wanted but you had to be Mr. Dixon’s show pony, you had to stand behind him or sit on his lap during meetings or game nights. You couldn’t be any type of independent, you weren’t allowed alone unless you were in your bedroom or bathroom.

Walking down the hallways of the family house, Daryl had a meeting with Hilltop and Oceanside so he wanted you to be there with him. You weren’t scared of many men but there was one man you were still felt uncomfortable around and that was Eugene, maybe it was the way he could sneak up on you or maybe it was that he paired up with the enemy before Michonne and Daryl took Negan down. Walking upstairs and into the giant conference room, your hands were shaking as you walked through the doors, Eugene right behind you, him being the one who went and told you the meeting had started. You tried to secretly speed up your walking towards Daryl which picked up Negan’s attention who stood in the corner guarding the doors.

“Aaron, Cyndie, you know my fiance, Y/n” Daryl said blowing out the smoke from his cigarette, you always hated the smell but you knew not to tell Daryl, he tried as hard as he could not to blow it in your face or smoke around you for that matter, so you respected that he tried to stay away from you while he smoked. “Hello y/n, nice to see you again, you look lovely” Cyndie said smiling at you, Aaron nodding in agreement knowing better than to seem like he was flirting with Daryl’s girl. “Hey baby” Daryl whispered kissing your cheek, you only hummed in reply laying your head against his, you were exhausted, most of the day was helping Negan- teaching Negan how to do gardening so he could repair the garden in the backyard that baby Judith ruined. You feet hurt and your back was killing you, you definitely deserved a hot bath after this, your soon-to-be-husband included in the hot bath. The mobster was tough and didn’t put up with anybody’s bullshit, but at the end of the day he always had a weakness, you. The power you had over him was crazy, he’d do anything you’d say once you said it, but he’d never show that side of him in front of his men. You sat there for what felt like forever until you heard Daryl’s voice in your ear “What’s wrong princess?” he whispered to you rubbing your lower thigh gently “You’re tense and you looked scared whenever you came in..” he added on, you knew you couldn’t express the way you felt about Eugene because Daryl would probably take it the wrong way and end up killing him. 

“It’s just been a long day..” You whispered back to him while Michonne argued with Cyndie, Daryl frowned a bit leaning against you kissing your shoulder gently. “How about afterwards whenever I’m done talking with Michonne you take a shower and I’ll get you a massage ready with Frankie” He whispered to you rubbing your shoulders to try and release some of the tension. “Or we could both take a bath then watch a movie or something-” You were cut off by Aaron pulling Daryl back into the conversation, sighing a bit you got up, you never got anytime with him anymore, it was always hilltop this, Oceanside that- and don’t even mention Carol or he’ll be on a four hour rant about how magical she is. You knew Daryl cared a lot about his work and your respected that but you hated that he never spent time with you anymore. “Hey hey where are you going?” Daryl asked a little bit quieter not to disrupt the conversation “I’m going to go to work. You’re obviously business and don’t plan on being with me for awhile so I’m leaving you alone” You snapped quietly before walking out, the last thing you see as you leave was Daryl blowing out the smoke from the last of his cigarette. 

You knew you shouldn’t of disrespected him but he needs to learn priorities, if he’s not talking about work then he’s talking about Carol and if not then he’s at the kingdom talking to Carol. It’s not that you were jealous it was just heartbreaking knowing the man you were marrying would rather spend time with a woman he used to have feelings for than you. You marched to your bedroom grabbing a small suitcase starting to pack some clothes, maybe leaving for a few days would help Daryl realize things. Negan followed behind you watching closely sighing once he saw you pulling out your clothes and shoving them into the suitcase “You okay, sweetheart?” He asked shutting the door slowly “No...I feel like Daryl’s sleeping with Carol..” You whispered looking at Negan tearing up “sweetheart...I’m so sorry..” he whispered hugging you gently, you hugged him back letting out a sob “what am i supposed to do” you whimpered looking up at him. “What fuck is goin on?” Daryl said loudly “You fuckin her!? Huh!? Motherfucker!” He screamed tackling Negan punching him right on the jaw “Daryl! stop!” You screamed trying to pull him off, Once you managed to pull Daryl away from Negan he got out to find Rick. “So you fuckin him behind my back huh!?” He screamed at you after a good few moments of silence “No! What the hell Daryl!” You yelled trying to shove him back a bit, his body stayed still, shaking with anger “You’re a fucking cheating piece of shit!” He yelled throwing his arm out to express his words “Oh you would know about being a cheating piece of shit!” You yelled “What the hell are you talkin about!?” he yelled stepping closer “You and fucking Carol!” You snapped grabbing the bag quickly “I’m not fucking Carol!” He yelled following you as you walked downstairs “I’m leaving! I’m leaving! fuck you!” You screamed rushing to your car, the car you paid for before you became exclusive with Daryl “Fuck you!’ You screamed “I never should’ve loved you!” You screamed pulling down the driveway “I never fucking loved you!” Daryl yelled watching you drive off. 

Those five words would break you for the next week, you’d be staying on your best friend’s couch for those seven days, alone and heartbroken. You loved Daryl, probably more than anything in your life and you always will love your now ex fiance. The tv made a small ding alerting you the front door was open, thanks to your friend’s security system. “Hey f/n I got you more groceries!” you called jerking your head up whenever you heard a cough, Beta, Daryl’s current competitor. “W-Why are you here?” You whimpered standing up grabbing your phone ready to call the only person you hoped to save you. “Dixon has protected you long enough.” Beta said stepping closer to you, you ran towards the kitchen, Beta not far behind you, before you could grab something to defend yourself he had slammed you against the counter. The next few hours would leave you traumatized forever, You sat in the corner of your friends apartment, Beta laid dead on the living room floor, your shirt was ripped open and your pants button and zipper were broken off, the bloody knife sitting on the ground. The blood was almost dried from sitting out for so long. You had tried to call Daryl repeatedly before and after the murder, nobody ever came to rescue until midnight of that night. The door was kicked open and Daryl rushed in “Y/n!? I’m so sorry I just got back from seeing Michonne I didn’t see your...oh my god are you okay?” He asked quickly rushing to you hugging you tightly, you just slouched against him, not emotionally or physically ready to move. 

“I called...thirty times..You ignored every call..just..be honest..were you with her?” You asked, your voice hoarse and strained “Y/n...darlin..I swear I was talking with Michonne..I wasn’t with Carol..and I ain’t fuckin her” he said leaning back against the wall holding your body in a hug “I killed him” You Whispered looking at the limp body in the living room floor. “Hey hey it’s okay..it’s okay baby..come on...they’ll clean this up just please come home y/n...” he begged resting his lips against your head rubbing your back gently. You were sitting on his lap now, your back facing the body and front door, you rested your head against his shoulder, Daryl watched as Negan and Merle walked in starting to handle the body. “Come on, baby” Daryl whispered carrying you outside towards his bike “I’m always gonna be here..till death do us part..”  

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

Apartment AU Masterpost:

-Everyone lives in an apartment complex.

-Xisuma as landlord? Or just a really well looked up to person in the complex. Whichever works for you!

-Pranks all the time. Everyone's constantly pranking each other.

-Everyone has 'normal people jobs.' Perhaps Joe is an English teacher? (Cleo's also a teacher. (Irl.) Omg, what if they teach at the same school?) Maybe Bdubs is a professional interior designer? Maybe Cub builds computers? Go nuts, get creative.

-Actually, screw it. Bdubs works at IKEA.

-Everyone meets up every Friday night to go to the pub or go bowling or just do something together.

-They have a discord server because of course they do.

-European Hermits are early-birds, American hermits are night-owls. (This is the only way I can think to portray timezones and waking hours when everyone's living in the same building.)

-They all still love minecraft, don't worry.

-Keralis has so many books his flat is basically a library. He lets people come in and borrow books for a small fee.

-Tinfoilchef is a bit of a shut in but everyone makes an effort to include him.

-Etho would also be a cryptid like Xisuma. Like, we've seen Xisuma's whole body other than his face but the best we know about Etho is that: 1. He exists and 2. From the, like, one single real life photo he's shared, he broke a headset. Also, 3. Allegedly, he's buff. Otherwise; Beef and Etho invite Pause (who lives elsewhere,) over at random intervals to [play ctm maps] and do god knows what. Bdoubs works at IKEA but is the person to make the room displays, y'know.

-Scar sells dice and other tabletop rpg supplies that he designs. His shop is magiccrystals. com

-Cub and Scar made business with the guy who runs the fight club. They get half of the profits and everyone’s always wondering how those two can always afford the most expensive Christmas gifts for everyone.

-Mumbo could be an engineer or work on a STEM field, and he works on some really important and impressive projects and that would explain his polish person, Exept, when it comes to helping another hermit to change a lightbulb or fix a microwave he is an absolute disaster.

-Grian owns a parrot that knows everyones' names and faces and greets them when they come in.

-Scar's apartment has a balcony filled with plants and he has to bring them inside for the winter. (I'm assuming that all 4 seasons happen) Even without the balcony plants, his place is still full of indoor plants including his favorite venus flytrap. There is always a plant knocked over from Jellie's shenanigans. Jellie is supposed to stay in his apartment, however she keeps on getting out somehow, even getting to Xisuma's apartment occasionally.

-There's a grassy patch out back that acts as a backyard, but Stress has effectively taken it over. Perfect for flowers of all colors in the spring and summer, and during the winter you KNOW she’s building an ice castle from which to throw snowball at all her friends.

-Beef and, when he’s visiting, Pause get a lot of questions about Etho (since unlike X who gets one tightlipped visitor in shape of his brother Etho gets two that are willing to be vague) however they charge a fee for people to guess. They’d never actually sell him out but the guesses are always something technical related so there’s not much of a risk, he actually works as a botanist/gardener.

-Iskall is extremely good at ice hockey and, as resident Canadians, Etho and Beef have played with him. However Iskall only knows that he’s played with Beef because both beef and etho refuse to tell him who in the rink was Etho when they played.

-The only person who’s seen Xisuma's face is Keralis.

-Nobody knows what Grian does for a job. Like, when they think they've figured it out what he does, they're thrown through a loop again because he does a lot of odd jobs. Need help with a pet? Grian can help! Rip on your clothes? Don't worry, Grian knows how to fix it! Ect.

-Grian's an assassin. Iskall will make assassin jokes and Grian, without looking up from his coffee will go: "that's not how that works!" And then go back to being quiet. Everyone's like ????

-I love the idea of Grian knowing all these cool facts and when anyone acts he says 'it's because of his job,' and they still can't figure out what he does. He keeps correcting Iskall on assassin facts but they're all just like 'oh Grian sure must love those types of movies, huh.'

-Cleo teaches Joe's kid. (That means she teaches either year 2 or year 3? // 1st grade or 2nd grade?)

-Grian's family is in the mafia but he mostly just vibes. Sure, he works with the mafia, but he keeps his regular life away from work and none of the hermits (besides False because she saved the Mafia boss) know. Imagine boss looking at False and going, 'oh hey, you're already protected.' False is confused and says 'what?' But the Mafia Boss has already left.

-Etho is always in full kakashi cosplay.

-Honorary hermits apartment au: zloy and pixl have a radio show but also act as private investigators. Falsie hires them to investigate how she got the protection of the mafia. On their investigation they start asking Elybeat (that lives on a building right next to the hermits) about weird behaviors that he might have seen. Ely just goes ‘all of what they do is weird. I’ve recorded weird stuff they say and remixed it. They though it was funny and put the remixes as their elevator music.'

-Everyone thinks Etho is an assassin, but really, he's a horticulturist/botanist. He doesn't bother to correct them cause it means he doesn't get pranked, (or, as often.) Maybe someone finds out eventually? I don't know who. Maybe Doc and they keep it hush hush cause they think it's funny or something. || Maybe Bdubs finds out, (because I think he's seen Naruto?? Swear I saw a Twitter post where he recognized a Naruto joke) and he's the only one that recognizes that Etho's dressed like Kakashi and NOT an assassin. (That's lowkey a joke though.)

-Someone warns Grian against parking euro because they think Etho's an assassin and Grian just kinda goes: "alright then." Knowing that there's no way Etho is an assassin, but also realising how the hermits view that profession, he most likely starts feeling kinda bad.

-Beef used to be a car photographer and Mumbo takes photographs as a sideline when he was in college. They would occasionally chat about their past experience in the photography field and sometimes gush about cars.

-Hermit Challenges was actually a truth or dare game among the hermits. Mumbo was basically delirious from lack of sleep to explain his absolute gremlin energy. Mumbo dares Grian to steal front doors before passing out and everyone decided that was the end of that game. No one thought Grian would do the dare. A week later, everyone but Etho and Xisuma were missing their front doors (including Grian.) He stuck them in his bathroom so no one immediately saw the doors.

-As already established, Joe constantly hangs at Keralis's library. Let's say he also has a hobby for writing, and one time he was asking to himself how *insert really specific murder scene* would work in real life. Grian or Doc then overheard him and answers him in a also very specific way, he thanks them with 0 concerns and continues with his writing.

-Etho has been an assassin but it was many years ago, and retired to care for plants. (As you do.) He got hired by The Goatfather but intentionally botched the killings because, 'hey now those two are friends >:(' He and Bdubs still have the endrod game but it involves the whole apartment building and several discord messages going "located" or "flashlight on the move.'

-Stress paints all the hermit's door and puts their names on them. (-🌿)

-The organisization Grian works for is called "The Watchers!" They text him in riddles of what his missions are. This is so that if anyone peaks at his phone, they don't understand immediately!

-What if in YHS happen because of grian family and Sam is from an other family who does not support the grain family. So grian will not bring up high school and school and when joe and Cleo talk about there student grian sometimes cringes remember what happened in high school. (-🌿)

-Grian and Mumbo's hobbits holes were two cupboards they found on their respective apartments and decided to make a room out of them and named them their hobbit holes after they found out they both had them (-🐿️)

-What if it's a really old apartment and the 'hobbit holes' actually connect to each others apartment. (-🐺)

-Mumbo has these periods when he overworks like crazy and when they're over - he sleeps for like 24-36 hours straight. Everybody knows about this and help him if he falls asleep in random plaxes around the apartment. Mumbo once fell asleep right before his door and Grian tried to help him get inside while mumbling. Guess which remix were aded to the elevator music next week.

-Whenever anyone is annoyed or upset, grian sometimes pops his head up from his book and goes "who do I need to kill?" No one takes him seriously though he *would* kill for any of his friends.

-People who have left the server work nearby but have moved to new apartments. (For example, Welsknight works at a nearby food truck) (-☘️)

-With the Grian being a spy you get several oints where he thinks he's been found out but no one puts the and two together. They're all like: "Grian just likes action movies I guess."

-Scar's "wizard robe" is a bathrobe he owns. One day he forgets to change and just walks out in a bathrobe and no pants.

-Since Cleo teaches Joe's kid, maybe that extends to all the hermits' kids? Like the ones that have them, like not at the same time but at some point you know?

-I don't think I saw any regarding headgames, but I could've missed it. Anyways, what if Cleo wanted to make a big Scrapbook in her free time of all her friends, so she asks everybody to try and get pictures. So the PVP heads are candid photos, and the tradeable one are like selfies or group pictures. The other heads could just be a requirement for the picture like have a sheep in the picture. And maybe she gives the winners dinner payed by her or something.

-On the head cannon that hermits that aren’t on the server work nearby, Biffa is the actual mayor.

-Are mobs (and half mobs by extension) still a thing in apartment au? Cause if not I propose that Jevin just has cloob blue dyed hair and a bunch of blue tattoos.

-XB bakes a lot and always shares the food he makes with the others. They adore his cookies. Scar really wants to make some cookies in the shapes of disney characters with him, but he's too shy to ask. (-nameless anon)

-Perhaps Mumbo and Iskall are also protected by the mafia because of grian (perhaps scar is too) They and False have a 'we are protected and have no idea why' group (-Frost Anon)

-Imagine the hermits want to throw a nice party but X and Etho were kinda like “yeah no i’ll pass” so they make it a masquerade so that they can come- and then the whole night no one knows who anyone really is, but still has a really good time.

-Grian wanted a pet parrot, but felt like he would be terrible at taking care of one so he has toy parrots instead, those that have pre made phrases and such, and he is proud of his toy parrot pets. (-🐿️)

-Xisuma hosts a podcast! That's where all of his Xisuma speaks content ends up coming from. (-🇵🇭)

-Etho has a secret food blog called "Cooking With Etho" (based on the actual cooking with Etho segment in usually his modded stuff.) He also knows that there's hermits that either: have no idea how to cook properly or can't cook real meals due to their work. To help with this, sometimes he leaves finished meals or recipes with them (outside their doors or somehow in their fridge) and no one knows who does it prompting the theory of a self care ghost haunting the building.

(All of those in red were from Anons!)

-Joe works as a LAMP Developer.

-False has an assortment of swords, knives, etc. She even had a bow! She also has a dummy to practice fighting on.

(-@unpredictable-pancake.)

-Stress is a wedding designer. (-@the-angry-numel.)

-Iskall also works at IKEA with Bdubs. (-@mandatedempathy.)

-There's a local club that's basically fight club a few people are in. False, Iskall and a couple others are in.

-Hypno is kind of a bit of a loner. Everyone on the floor considers him a friend but he doesn't really have a best friend. He just does his own thing and people usually let him do that. He's fine with it.

-XB and Joe spend a lot of time at Keralis' library house just reading the books. Keralis usually charges every except those two because 1. They're there so often and 2. They're basically his room mates at this point. (-@tomcatacaphe.)

-Ren works at a bar as a bartender or musician. (-@friendlyneighbourhoodpieceoftrash.)

-Building on the last thing with Ren as a musician or working at a bar, he works at a bar as a server but does live music on weekends. It's the bar/pub/restaurant that the hermits sometimes hang out at together.

-I can see Grian working at a pet shop but also on the side of the mafia because of YHS. Or at least he used to be involved with the mafia.

-Beef once had to cart Etho off to the hospital for a chemical burn and explain to the other tenants that the explosion heard suspiciously close by wasn’t mafia activity. Etho is just an idiot with a hobby of making homemade fireworks.

-(-@limelocked.)

-False is the chief of police for the town they live in. Iskall is a hired assassin who normally gets employed by the mysterious figure GOATfather. Doc is the GOATfather, head of the mafia. Falsie is trying to hunt down these two as well as any others associated with them. The nHo is part of the mafia. Falsie has no idea any of them are in the mafia and they refuse to kill her because she has become such a close friend to them.

-Maybe Grian is a spy instead of an assassin? The group the Watchers is a government policing organization bent on trying to crack down on mob activity in the area.

(-@creator0fchaos.)

-The elevator music is hermitgang and remixes. -(@lookitsspacekween.)

-Zedaph is a game show host. Tango makes cartoons. (-@aphion-and-on.)

-Come on, let Iskall play ice hockey! Maybe not professionally if it doesn't work for the AU but he's v good at least. (-@automnalsaffron.)

-Grian maybe works at an animal shelter or an animal rehabilitation center. So everyone who has a pet usually comes to him for help if their pet is sick or injured. (-@vahco.)

-Grian has a safe full of guns, all the Hermits know about it but think they're fake. (-@xxpzmistxx)

-X never comes out of his room so no one’s seen his face. The only way he communicates is via text, Discord, and an intercom right by his door. He almost always gets groceries whenever the hermits are busy and therefore have no time to go out- but the hermits know he’s a real person because sometimes they hear guitar solos coming from his room.

-Hypno is a voice actor!

-Joe and Cleo often go home at the same time, and all the way it's almost always Cleo complaining about her students being bratty and the likes (Bonus points if Joe carpools with Cleo, who owns a car.)

-False unknowingly helps the boss of the mafia after seeing him wounded on a street one day, earning her their protection.

-As a callback to Season 6, Stress became a cat lady for a bit while False became a dog lady. As an added bonus: Cleo became nuts when Cub decided to gift her with spiders for her birthday or some other event.

-Mumbo still sidelines as a cameraman/film director for short documentaries and comedy sketches where he often invites Zed and his buddy Jack to act maybe?

-The first time X was proven to be an actual person was when the girls temporarily kicked the boys out to have the apartment all to themselves for a girls’ night which prompted the boys to have their own boys’ night. X was wearing his grey helmet that night so his face was still obscured tho, and from that day forward they always had a weekly girls’ night and boys’ night alternating on which group gets to have the apartment to themselves.

-False may seem like she can take a shot or two, but in reality she’s very lightweight and easily drunk, and is always the first one wasted. She becomes a flirty drunk who flirts with everyone and everything when she’s tipsy, an angry drunk the more she drinks and eventually a sad drunk before passing out. Cleo and Stress, her drinking buddies, always find amusement in this.

-As a callback to Xb living a thousand blocks away from society in s7, maybe he lives at the highest floor where not many (if not no one) occupies?

(-@heyitsroby.)

-Civil War started because they used to get groceries delivered to their doors and Grian started stealing them when they were left in the doorstep. Everyone stole each others groceries until one day they went into teamss of one side vs the other side of the corridor to the other until Grian stole so many groceries Dic was like 'Dammit!' He started going to the store to get groceries instead of getting them delivered to his door after that. (-@sayeshaa1108.)

-Regarding apartment au: Zedaph is similar to miu iruma from danganronpa: making the weirdest inventions and coaxing the other hermits into doing weird things for science. (-@oh-hecc-im-stupid.)

-Idk if Doc has a profession yet in the apartment au, but it just struck me- what if he owned a private casino?? Cause of s7? Just a thought! (-@853dragons.)

-Cleo really enjoys doing miniature diorama scenes. Like the tiny dudes from "Night at The Museum". She's like crazy good at it, and Joe will sometimes base his poems and stories off of her dioramas. Also maybe Joe has published a book of poems and short stories? (-@lynxes15.)

-Doc works as a social engineer and part time mafia boss. He rarely shows up for game nights. However, when he does, nobody else stands a chance.

-Tango, Impulse and Zedaph go over to each other's rooms so often they practically live together in an apartment room 3X bigger than everyone else.

(-@trashedeggnog.)

LINK TO NEXT POST: https://hermitcraftheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/617640752709861376/apartmentau-masterpost-2-link-to-previous-the

Posts with TW:

Guns, Gangs, Getting Shot. Don't read if you can't handle this topics.

-Everyone finds out Grian is an assassin/mafia boss because someone from a different gang (*cough cough* sam gladiator *cough cough*) found out where he lives and tried to murder him. Queue epic gun fight scene. If you want some angst, Grian gets shot a couple of times in the fight but didn’t realize it because of the adrenaline and passes out. (-Anon.)

-Imagine someone like, finding Grian's guns and weapons and just being :0 and Grian is a little nervous. But then the other hermit just think the guns are cool (it's probably either etho or doc) and they're just gushing over how cool the guns are. Grian is relieved. (-Anon.)

-iJevin owns at least one gun. He's not in the mafia or a cop or anything, it's just cool and legal so he as one. He's the constant counter for the other gun owning hermits who have them for more mafia related purposes (context: jevin owns at least one gun irl) (-Anon.)

[sinner-as-saint]

Love Made Me Crazy - 2.

CEO/ Mob!Bucky Barnes x Reader.

Part 2 of the Love Made Me Crazy series.

Run-through: It was all strategic; a plan meticulously constructed by you and your business partner; against James Buchanan Barnes. Not to take him down, no. But just to be one step ahead of him in the business world by uncovering his secrets; to learn his ways and hope to be better than him in every way possible. The façade you put up – of being close to him and earning his trust was supposed to be short-lived, most importantly; harmless. But then as always, things got a tad bit more complex when feelings intervened…

Themes throughout the series: ceo!bucky, angst, smut, fluff, manipulative reader, mob!bucky 

You were miserable for the first few days after you got home.

But then Tony’s confidence rubbed off on you, and the moment he said, “Remember who you are, kiddo.” You stopped sulking and you were up and ready for work in no time again.

For the next few weeks, you were engrossed in work.

You thought about Bucky from time to time. But each time Tony would come by your office and saw that you were zoning out; he’s say something funny to snap you out of it.

And while Tony never noticed, you were always keeping an eye out for Bucky. You noticed that the news stopped talking about him, so did the magazines. It felt as though he just disappeared out of nowhere.

But you knew, deep within you, that one day he’ll come by.

Little did you know that that day would be just a few months away…

 Between travelling with Tony on business trips, making more and more deals and expanding your company and making both your family and Tony proud; you lost track of time. And before you knew it, it was around three months since the last time you spoke to Bucky.

Tony never mentioned him, but Bucky was always there in the back of your mind. Then some more time went on and a certain rumor floated around – about how James Buchanan Barnes morphed into what they called a mob boss. Rumor had it that he was mean and ruthless now. That he dealt with things he didn’t before, and his associates were no longer famous businessmen, but other members of the underworld and the mafia. Some even went to say that he had a gang; a large, armed association who worked for him.

No one knew exactly what he did, or how. All they ever said was that he had turned into a ‘monster’. And people wondered what triggered this sudden switch in his behavior; but you didn’t. You did have an idea of what might have done that.

You looked everywhere, just to feed your curiosity, for more information about him. But never found anything; no pictures, no articles, nothing.

So you gave up.

If he’s a mob boss, with a gang and dealing with stuff which are out of your league – then he surely wouldn’t have time to even think about you. or find you, to extract some stupid revenge.

Right?

 ---

Wrong.

Almost another month later, while you were trying to shut out any news about Bucky, or what he had become – he managed to find you.

 You came home one evening; after – not a bad – but a rather bizarre day. You hadn’t heard from Tony all day. Usually, on days when he can’t drop by your office, he calls. But you heard nothing from his end today. You called him, and texted him, but he replied to nothing.

Upon entering your front yard you realized that your front door was wide open. You looked around and you saw several black SUVs and a little voice in the back of your mind whispered to you;

Well, seems like he found you.

You closed your eyes and sighed. There was no escaping the confrontation. So you put on your serious, mean face and entered your own home with caution.

 And there he was, standing in the middle of the living room, with his back to you. This was the first time you were seeing him in six months and he seemed so different. Not even his stance was the same as it used to be.

He heard you step closer and he turned around to face you; with a smug smirk on his face.

“Hello baby.” he said, and you were surprised for a moment.

He was so different. His long hair was gone. His facial hair was somewhat the same – a light stubble as always. The shine in his eyes was no longer there. He looked like his past self, just meaner and more ruthless – like people said he was.

Dark coat, hands in his pockets; he looked powerful. Even more than earlier.

Seeing you weren’t replying, he spoke again. “It took me a month to track you down, you know that.” He said, that smug smirk never leaving his face.

You decided to straighten your back and face him with confidence. “Really? I thought your people would be quicker than that.” You said, carefully hinting that you were aware of who he had become. What he had become.

He scoffed.

“Tony hides you well. I bet you’re his favorite weapon.” He was bitter, and honestly, he had every right to be. You would be too, if you were in his shoes.

You scoffed.

“That I am. Care to tell me why you’re here?” you needed him to get to the point already. This suspense was killing you, and the guilt was too.

His answer was short. “For you.”

You chuckled, throwing your purse on the nearby couch and crossing your arms over your chest and faced him with the same powerful stance he faced you. Neither of you was less than the other; if Bucky was now an infamous, mighty mob boss. Then you were no less; you were the owner of the largest business company at the moment. Hence, this confrontation was a clash of egos more than anything.

“What are you gonna do, kill me because I left you at the altar?” you asked, knowing damn well you were pushing his buttons.

He chuckled, looking down momentarily before he took a few steps forward and looked you in the eyes again.

“No. I’m going to drag you to that same altar again. And you will be mine.” he said and you almost laughed again. “You’re arrogant, and proud. Of what? Your name, your job?” he chuckled again and leaned in closer. “I’m going to take all that away from you.”

One could say he was threatening you, but his eyes told you that he was almost daring you to snap back.

“You know, people did say you were a monster. They never said you were a lunatic as well. But I see it now.” you sassed at him. “Now get your delusional ass out of my house.”

He scoffed.

“I heard you sent your mom on a world tour, correct? And she’s currently in Maldives, is that right? Well then I’m sure neither of you would mind if her little trip is interrupted by a couple of bullets. I don’t know, if she’s not careful, one or two might hit her, don’t you think so baby?” he spoke, not even bothering to hide the fact that he was aware of everything going on in your life right now.

You wanted nothing more than to just punch his pretty face, but you contained yourself. And kept your calm and composure. Being hyper would only show that you were the weak one here.

“So, if I don’t marry you, you will hurt my mom?” you said it as though you found his threat childish and idiotic.

Bucky scoffed. “I never used any of those words. See, all this time and you’re still manipulating me and twisting my words, you-,”

You cut him off.

“Oh for fuck’s sake! What are you gonna do, tie me up and take me with you?” you sounded much more calm than you expected but you were starting to lose your patience.

Bucky looked like he was mocking your state.

“Well, technically I can do whatever I want with you.” He sounded cocky. “You see baby, I just bought your entire company. And you and Stark with it.”

To you, he still sounded like a lunatic.

“That’s impossible.” You shook your head at him, refusing to believe his crap for even a second.

He looked over at you and smirked, then signaled one of his guys to bring you a file of some sort. You hadn’t even realized that you were surrounded by his guards and his people until now.

The man handed you over the papers and you skimmed through and immediately noticed that the papers and signatures were fake. Tony’s signature was on there too, and you got worried.

“Where’s Tony? I swear to God, if you hurt him I-,”

He cut you off.

“Relax babygirl. Tony’s fine, he’s been taken care of.” Bucky sounded like your typical villain.

Now you were really starting to lose it. “This is fake. Everything on this is f-,”

He cut you off again like it was nothing. “Yeah, and? What are you going to do about it?” he shrugged like he hadn’t just ruined everything in your life.

You could tell he didn’t do it for the money, but rather just for the sake of snatching your power away from you.

You were running out of things to say. “You have no right.”

He clenched his jaw and stepped closer to you, almost too close. “And you didn’t have the right to mess with me either. To fuck me over and use me however you wanted. And leave me when your heart desired. But you still did it, didn’t you baby?”

He had refrained himself from saying ‘guess we’re even now.’ But he wasn’t done yet. Oh, he was far from done.

The guilt weighed you down. It hurt. The one thing you did everything for, the business whose responsibility your dad left in your hands, was now gone. It wasn’t even yours anymore. You knew the documents were fake, but you also knew that no one would even dare to oppose James Buchanan Barnes now; they barely did it back then, and now that he had become…this, there was no way you could legally fight him to get back what’s yours.

“Hurts, doesn’t it? Loving and caring for something, doing everything you can for it but then having someone come in and snatch it away from you. It’s killing you, isn’t it?” his taunts hurt like a thousand cuts.

You knew you couldn’t shed a tear and seem hurt or weak in front of him; so you held it all in.

“Why do you want to marry me? You’re taking everything from me already. You’ll never be happy with me.” You sounded calm again, broken this time.

He nodded, agreeing.

“Neither will you. That’s the price I’m willing to pay. You never wanted to be mine, but now you won’t have much of a choice. Your family, your job, your reputation, it’s all under my control now.” he leaned in as to whisper in your ear. “I own all of you, babygirl.” He said, teasing. More like mocking your helplessness.

You glared at him when he pulled away. He had chosen his words right just to trigger a memory – a rather old one…

 -flashback-

“I own all of you, babygirl.” Bucky mumbled against your skin as he kissed every inch of your body while you laid naked in his bed.

You and Bucky were back from a dinner party, and he was being persistent that someone had been flirting with you all night long. So now he was reminding you that you’re only his.

You giggled as his soft lips kissed your neck, while his hands fondled with your breasts. His hair tickled your skin and your giggled turned into a whine as he mercilessly nibbled on your sweet spot; making you arch your back off the surface of the satin sheets of his large bed.

“You’re mine, you hear me?” he growled in your ear while you whimpered just at the sound of his voice.

You felt his hand roaming your body, touching you wherever he could; down your sides, your thighs, and dragging his fingers along your legs as you wrapped them around his waist – pulling him closer.

The need to have him was growing deep inside you.

His cologne and his raw smell filled your mind and his beard scratched your skin as he pressed his lips to yours. And you moaned into his mouth as you felt his hand dipped in between your legs – determined to remind you that you belonged to him, and scared that someone might snatch you from his grasp.

He dipped his head down and nuzzled your neck, nibbling on your soft skin and leaving marks behind which would definitely show for the coming few days.

Your back arched off the bed surface and you let out a quiet moan as soon as he found your sweet spot. He left a loving bruise there and went back to kissing your lips.

His body was warm and comforting. You relished his warmth.

He rubbed his knuckles up and down your folds. It was almost embarrassing how quickly your arousal started leaking out of you.

Bucky chuckled as his fingers spread your wetness around and dipped his head into the crook of your neck again. He kissed your skin all the way till he reached your breasts; and took one of them in his mouth.

His tongue toyed with the bud while his fingers slipped past your entrance.

You rolled your hips against his hand and moaned when he curled his fingers inside you. He pumped his two fingers in and out of you while his mouth teased your sensitive bud. Bucky kissed down your body and soon, his face was in between your legs.

You supported yourself up with your elbows as you watched his actions intently. He didn’t break eye contact as he brought his face closer and closer to your dripping core. You let out a quiet moan when you felt his lips on your sensitive spot. His hands wrapped around your thighs as he angled your body better and slipped his tongue past your wet folds, poking your entrance lazily.

The tip of his tongue circled around your clit and your body shuddered under him. Your elbows couldn’t hold you up anymore so you let go and fell back on the bed.

Your hands found their way into his soft hair again and you tugged on it as his beard scratched the skin around your core. In that moment, you were undoubtedly under his control. And you shamelessly loved each second of it.

He devoured you passionately, and the wet sounds erupting from his actions were downright obscene – and didn’t affect him in the least. Instead, each sound which slipped out of your mouth only intensified the fire he felt within.

With a couple more strokes from his tongue, your legs began trembling against him. Your grip on his hair got a little tighter and your moans were much more audible as you came all over his tongue. He lapped up all that you gave him and kissed his way up your body again.

“You belong to me.” He mumbled against your lips before he leaned in and kissed you deeply again.

 -end of flashback-

 You could tell by the look on his face that he was thinking about the same thing as you. Judging by the smirk on his face, you could tell that he wanted you to think of that exact moment.

Despite the uncountable amount of things that were wrong with this situation, you couldn’t help but feel as though the Bucky you had betrayed was still in there somewhere, hiding behind the façade of the big bad mob boss. And you wanted to apologize, but then the smirk on his face ruined the moment.

“Seems like I triggered a memory. Was it a good one?” he teased. And you rolled your eyes at him, whispering swear words under your breath.

He chuckled. “Pack your bags, I’ll come and get you tomorrow morning.” He spoke and started walking away but then halted and turned around again. “And don’t even think about running, my guys will be outside, keeping an eye on you.” he finally turned around to walk away. “See you tomorrow babygirl.” He added.

You scoffed and swore under your breath again. “You’re crazy you know that?” you yelled after him.

And you heard him chuckle again as he approached the front door. He turned to look at you, a smug smirk on his face which hid all the pain perfectly.

“You made me crazy.” He spat bitterly. And with that said, with a straight face and no emotion, he walked away and slammed the door shut behind him.

---

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