#Hope you like it anyway anon!!! i appreciate the ask so much they’re so fun sorry for being so slow to answer

[27-royal-teas]

literally on my knees begging for the phoenix essay because it’s my all time fave fall out boy song and it makes me feel emotions on the shrimp spectrum

ok!! well!! ask and you shall receive, dear anon, your wish is my command :)) and because i love when people are excited about what i have to say and you are very nice <33 however, i will warn you, this is less of a structured essay and more of a massive infodump, so be warned !!

OK SO. THE PHOENIX. first off musically it's a fantastic song. and its actually scientifically proven that typically strings are used to increase musical tension and emotional tension so usually when you hear fast strings it means that they (the artist) want you to feel stressed, angry, or excited. We can apply this to the beginning of The Phoenix specifically because fob wants you to get hyped!!! It's their opening song for their newest album and for them, this shit is TERRIFYING. will you still want them or will you skip to another song? It's such a stark contrast to the first line of cork tree ("brothers and sisters, put this record down") because they want you to do the exact opposite of that. This is the one they want to use to hook you, to pull you in. Fall Out Boy is back, and this time they've brought even more intensity than before. They want to know: will you still be here? will you listen? these strings are not quite the old fall out boy, will you find them compelling and stick around?

andys drum work on this song is also INCREDIBLE. It's got this pounding, heavy beat. i constantly say that andy is the backbone of the band and i feel like that's more musically apparent in this song than anything. If i really want to scrounge for symbolism, I can say that by making andy's drumbeat stand out so much more in this song, the band is saying that they as a whole are more stable and reliable, just like their backbone. the drummer keeps the beat, the pace. they keep the band on track. together, the instruments (drum, strings, bass) bring the song together into a really rounded sound and it feels so FULL. there are some songs that are spiky, but this one is round all the way through.

and now that we're through with talking about the music itself, let's talk about the lyrics. i love the lyrics in this song so fucking much. it's so pete wentz and even more than that it's the most perfect song to open with. im gonna try to discuss every line and how it relates to the album and fall out boy's history at the time of release + they message they attempt to convey with this song and album. ive been wanting to make an essay on this for a while actually so thank you for giving me this ask as an opportunity to barf my stupid brain out onto tumblr

ok anyway let's start off with the first line-- "put on your war paint". this line is repeated twice: the very beginning and the very end. Why? because it's bold. this album is called save rock and roll. it is giving us a mission to accomplish from the very start. we are gearing up for a war. this is the image that is being painted of the entire album, and it starts from the very beginning- put on your war paint, prepare for battle. the first song is us (cough, the band, cough) preparing for the war as a whole. this is the intro, the gather, the plan. because we are saving rock and roll, through this album. this is the revival. we are bringing it home. this part musically is very strong and it feels like structure. we are showing here how much power and stability we have. also it makes me think of that one picture of pete putting on eyeliner

i am skipping the entire first verse for now but i will be back to it in a bit i promise! i want to talk about the chorus: “hey Youngblood/ doesn’t it feel/ like our time is running out/ im gonna change you like a remix/ then I’ll raise you like a phoenix”. we’re just going to go over the first half first because it’s kind of long. I think it’s in interesting choice, ‘Youngblood’. it kind of makes me think of mcr’s killjoys. it’s the motif, i guess— this haunting youth. ‘Youngblood’ addresses us ourselves, full of life and blood and rage. it again goes with the plot line of the album. the chorus has a paced feel, like running through a field at top speed. ‘like our time is running out’ references again the portion of ‘we were gone for so long, will you still listen?’ fall out boy’s limited time is nearly out here. they are fighting the clock. they are years older and more mature and they’ve GROWN. their time is running out and they are begging us to listen. and then my FAVORITE line, probably in this whole song. ‘I’m gonna change you like a remix, then I’ll raise you like a phoenix’. This entire album is a result of change. Folie a Deux was harshly criticized by the media and the fans because it was a change from fob’s norm. they were mocked mercilessly and basically TOLD TO CHANGE. now, here, they are back, they have made it through alive, and they are better than ever. basically, they have changed but on their own terms. you know how a phoenix is reborn through their ashes? They burn to a crisp when they’ve reached their limit and 100 years later are reborn as babies again. This is why the phoenix is such an important song to open with from the beginning of the album, as well as a fantastic metaphor for the band themselves— because it tells you from the start. Fall out boy is the same, but they have changed. They have grown. And they are better than ever, musically and mentally. This is also good symbolism for rising again even when defeated, which I’ll touch on again later

now, onto the second half of the chorus. The phoenix line is repeated, but preceding that is "wearing our vintage misery/ no, i think it looked a little better on me". fall out boy is kind of known as being part of the 'emo trinity' which, at the time of release, consisted of MCR, FOB and Panic! At The Disco. Personally id replace panic with paramore just because i dislike brendon urie strongly but thats just me. anyway, emo as a subculture in itself is incredibly emotional, and that's the point- emo is short for emotional. (feel free to correct me about any of this at any point of time btw, i am in no way an expert). a consistent trend was a lot of black clothing and the haircuts. i guess this isnt relevant. the relevant part was the emotion. fall out boy in 2009 was miserable. all the members were constantly at each other's throats, and eventually they just called it quits (everyone thought they would never come back, which is why the phoenix metaphor works here). by saying 'wearing our vintage misery' they are saying that they are bringing back that sort of emo-emotional aspect back into their new music, their trademark depressing lyrics, but it's improved. it's a better look on them now because they are doing so much better mentally than they were doing before.

let's backtrack a step to discuss the prechorus: "so we can take the world back from a heart attack/ one maniac at a time we will take it back/ you know time crawls on when you're waiting for the song to start so dance alone to the beat of your heart". pete fucking went OFF in this entire song but this section specifically. musically, the prechorus slows it down. it gives the song tension before exploding into the chorus. the first half of the prechorus again brings up the image of SAVE ROCK AND ROLL. i cant exactly recall what horrific events happened in 2013 to give the world a metaphorical heart attack, because i was very young and stupid and unaware of a lot, but i love the word choice here. one MANIAC at a time we will take it back. we are uniting the beaten, the broken and the damned. pretty much all the big names in emo have made their alliances clear: we take in the ones you don't want. they are the hufflepuffs of music. we will take your maniacs, we will take your people. we will build an army of the ones no one loves and we will take back our world together. possibly im interpreting this wrong but. i just think that's a really lovely image.

(also, pete has a motif in his songs-- mania. theres the entire album, for one, but this, as well.)

"time crawls on when youre waiting for the song to start so dance alone to the beat of your heart" is less obviously clear about rebellion and taking back change but it still is incredibly strong about this nonetheless. you can't sit and wait around for change. you can't expect the good things to come to you immediately, that isn't how the world works. when no one is there to lead you, to guide you, you're gonna have to do it yourself. your heart is steady and it knows the way. trust it. dance alone to the beat of your heart.

ok so now im going back to the first verse. sorry for skipping around the song so much. "you are a brick tied to me that's dragging me down/ strike a match and i'll burn you to the ground" i feel like honestly this line is kind of obvious- someone is holding him (pete) back. i'm not going to outright say it was about ashlee (his current ex-wife) because pete never explicitly confirmed it but it definitely seems super likely judging by the time this was written (pete and ashlee divorced in 2011, which was two years before this song was released).

at this point in writing this essay brain barf my thoughts have become a little dead so im looking at lyricgenius to see what they're saying and it is. so not helpful. like bro pls. add some context to WHY these lyrics are arranged this way. but never mind that FOCUS ON THE WRITING TOBY FUCK

ANYWAY. the next line in this verse is "we are the jack o' lanterns in july, setting fire to the sky/ here, here comes with this rising tide, so come on/ put on your war paint". another theme constantly in Pete Wentz Lyrics is summer. i am drawing the connection here specifically from this song and fourth of july. and there it is again! put on your war paint!

fun fact: the story of the jack o lantern apparently is that some guy named jack made a bargain with satan and was doomed to wander the earth with only the company of a hollowed out turnip. again-- the wanderers. we bring in the wanderers, we take them as our own. we are the light in the darkness. we will set the world ablaze. so come on! get ready for war! we will roll in with the tide, and like a tide, we will destroy if we have to, not because we want to, but because it is in our nature.

final line in the verse: "cross walks and crossed hearts and hope to die/ silver clouds with grey lining". these are two popular phrases that have been altered in minor ways that make a huge difference. ive noticed pete tends to do that often. here hes changed 'cross my heart and hope to die' and 'every cloud has a silver lining'. this change is super important because it flips the themes of the two phrases (The Truth Has Been Spoken and There Is Always a Positive, respectively) and it darkens it. what is the correlation between cross walks and hoping to die? the cars. and by saying 'silver clouds with grey lining' he is flipping the saying to read as 'even though something seems light, there is always a dark side... kind of like a yin yang. which makes me think of the current logo, the smiley-frown. it's always about balance and it's always about an even distribution. but that is irrelevant.

and let's have a chat about the second verse: "bring home the boys in scraps/ scrap metal the tanks/ get hitched, make a career out of robbing banks/ because the world is just a teller and we are wearing black masks/ 'you broke our spirit' says the note we pass". this is the most important verse in the song, because this is where the entire theme shows the best. i think from the very start we can make two connections just reading this here, and i bet i can guess what you thought from the start. I bet you saw 'bring home the boys in scraps' and thought oh, toby is totally going to connect that to their motif about 'bring together the unwanted.' and i bet you saw 'we are wearing black masks' and thought ah, toby will definitely relate that to the first line in novocaine. and yeah, you're right. you know me too well, i am a predictable guy. because i 100% will. we KNOW fall out boy. the best example i can use to argue my first point off the top of my head is that they were initially marketed to teenage girls. they were a pop band. i mean, no one can really call them pop now (god, i miss music from the 2000s) but, yeah. no one in the rock or punk scene wanted teenage girls to like their music (because clearly teenage girls were so uncool or whatever) so fall out boy marketed themselves to them. they took in the fans no one wanted.

also, a bank teller is the person who handles customer cash, which is something i did not know until about twenty minutes ago. in the case of a bank robbery, the robber would pass the bank teller a note so that there would be less of a scene. these kind of robberies are called 'note jobs'. so by saying "make a career out of robbing banks/ because the world is just a teller and we are wearing black masks/ 'you broke our spirit' says the note we pass" essentially the band is using a bank robbery as a metaphor for taking back the world and the injustice that has been served to them, as the youth youngbloods. we are trying to take it back as peacefully as possible, but we are still the ones on the side with the gun. the 'note we pass' is the robbery note. lyricgenius was absolutely shit it did not help me with this i feel very proud that i connected all the dots by myself but maybe i am just an idiot and this is already common knowledge.

we are almost done- this has gotten long, a lot longer than i thought it was going to be. hope that's okay. anyway we just have to go over the bridge and then i'll summarize the song as a whole: "the war is won before it's begun/ release the doves, surrender love". this repeats five times. the war is won before it's begun. this is connected to the second part- release the doves, surrender love- because the band doesn't really WANT to fight. they don't want to HAVE to take in the people who aren't given a category. if we could just learn to love those who were different, we might not have war. we would have won it before it's begun. on the third repeat, there is chanting in the background-- 'wave the white flag'. the white flag is a sign of surrender pretty much universally, and it goes hand in hand with what's being said here. and again. i feel like i keep repeating this- it's the intro song. why would they say this? because they don't really want to fight. remember, the point of a note job is to attract as little attention as possible. we don't want a war. we don't WANT to save rock and roll- but we have to. it is our job, as youth- as youngbloods. and THAT'S the message of this song. we are preparing for a fight for justice that we would rather not take part in, but we have to, to protect ourselves and our past and our future and our people.

this is what the band is saying-- we have been gone for so long, but we are back. and we are here to help. we have changed, but you have changed too, and we are better, and together we will take back what we have lost to achieve peace, even if it takes a millenia, even if we go down fighting. because ultimately, we, ourselves, the ostracized and the mocked and the hurt, we are worth it. We will rise above it like a phoenix reborn from the ashes because we are always worth it, and we will always come back.

[ventismacchiato]

42 behind the lens — curtain call !

epilogue

scaramouche x gender neutral reader

It’s at the times between recording scenes where you really get a glimpse at your lover.

His sweat stained hair and tear stained cheeks from a rather intense scene never get old. You were feeling rather fond as he made his way over to you, falling into your director’s chair and heaving a heavy breath. The only one other than you allowed to sit in it.

For a mere moment, you both simply look at each other. You guys were on break so a few conversation topics come to mind, it wasn’t often you guys got to speak as lovers rather than coworkers during work. And while they’re all things you’d like to talk to Scaramouche about, you realize you don’t need to force conversation with him.

There’s a hue of weariness that shows in Scara’s eyes, but you can tell that he’s happy. He’s doing what he’s been striving to do for all his years at university, so of course he is.

You search his dark eyes for his thoughts, too. When your eyes meet Scara’s he let’s out a tired smile.

“I missed you,” he easily says. The words come out easier than they would’ve years ago.

Your heart skips a beat, even years later.

“How? We’ve been working together all day,” you say.

“Do I need a reason to miss the person I love?” Scara scoffs, looking away from you to study the script he brought with him.

It isn’t the first time Scaramouche had told you that he loves you, but it’s never stopped holding the same weight it did the first time he’d ever said it.

It’s a rare type of love. The kind that exists so rarely for people in this industry and that lead lives similar to your guys’.

His loves makes you feel alive everyday. And Scara should know it, you should tell him more often—even if it’s rather dramatic for midday on set for their most recent project. It’s something you’d bring up at night that you two could laugh about in bed. Even if it catches Scara off guard.

But Scaramouche’s love caught you off guard, too, and every second you got the privilege to spend with him was a gift.

And as you stare at him, fiddling with the sleeves of his costume and eyebrows scrunched as he mouths his lines, you couldn’t help but feel your heart grow heavy.

“I suppose you don’t,” you reply, a minute too late, but Scara still chuckles at your response as he tosses the script aside.

“What? You’re not going to say it back?” he teases, “And I thought I was the emotionally constipated one.”

“Oh, fuck off,” you mutter, hitting him on the shoulder, “I love you, too. I guess.”

“Archons, you’re worse than me.”

“No, you were much worse when we were younger!”

“It was hot and mysterious when I did it.”

“Uh huh, just go back to set I’m sick of you.”

“Weird way to say you agree but okay.”

“Go!”

.

.

.

୨⎯ THE END ⎯୧

behind the lens !

masterlist — prev

author’s notes — and that’s a wrap folks! hope the ending wasn’t awkward i just wanted it to be short and sweet. anyway, thank u to everyone who read and kept up with this fic, means a lot to me that this blew up as it was smth i wrote for myself. if ur rereading this or are a reader in the future ty to you too! i appreciate the silent readers, anons, and ppl who left me sm cute comments and reblogs. u guys made writing it more fun and easier to ignore the not so nice ppl. i cant reply to everyone but just know i do read every ask and comment i get! i do hope to see u guys in my notifs in the future even if i don’t write for genshin anymore, but if not then i’m glad you gave my writing a chance <3 have a great day/night byebye

synopsis — you, better known as STARDUST, and BALLADEER have always been in competition for the top streamer spot on twitch, which is especially impressive since the two of you have never shown your faces. you’ve never been on good terms, constantly one-upping each other in matches and getting into petty arguments on twitter, causing your fans to also dislike each other. that’s until BALLADEER does a face reveal that breaks the internet with his good looks…which makes you realize it’s the same guy you went on a date with last night. the type of date that made you crave to see him again. the only problem was he didn’t know you were STARDUST and he was way different behind the lens than he portrayed himself online to you. should you keep your identity a secret to salvage the relationship or just let him go?

taglist — @captainzep @elysiumarchieve @plinkuro @sakkakuu-squared @eliqusgenma @vuvulia @kunikuzushiit @ins4nebish @stxrgxzxr @lilacponds @uma-umie @mitsukifilms @caesars-bubbles @wheneverthesunrise @its-like-twilight @kazuhalvrr @erosdevil @thenightsflower @p1utto @noodleshark420 @lxry-chxn @court-jester-stuff @lauragalliart @veyu002 @kaeyas-eyepatch-69 @leathernourishingshoepolish @courtneydefender @drunkwithfever @exhaustedcommunist @vincanzu @ainlaw @ovaliz @kitsuvil @whatamidoing89 @celestair @kunihaver @kazioli @xiaosoneandonly @cridtiins @cherrybeomgyu @asukahiriko @moon-320 @orionicchaos @cartierfiles [1/3]

[biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer]

Uhm,,,, may I ask for geo x shy reader (whatever format you want, im just starving for geo content) (´·ω·`)

Diffidence (Geo x Shy! MC/Reader)

Thank you for the ask Anon! I had fun writing this one (albeit, as someone who isn't even remotely shy, I want to apologise if the shyness part seemed inaccurate). Hope you enjoy! :D - Signed by biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer

Diffidence: modesty or shyness resulting from a lack of self-confidence.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Geo wasn’t the shy type. He never was, nor ever planned to be. Unfortunately, you were.

He never understood how someone as…dare he say…beautiful and smart as you could be so insecure of yourself. Even actively talking yourself down, trying to doll yourself up to appease the gazes of people who’d never appreciate you. Not in the way he did anyway.

When Crowe first introduced you to him, and the others, you tried asking him about Hyugo, about why he even hung out with Crowe and company; and all it took for you to become antsy was a couple seconds of intense eye-contact. Sure, he was irked by the former query, but it didn't mean he was irked by YOU.

It didn’t even register in his head at the time that someone could be as shy as you. But he wasn’t planning on letting others take advantage of it.

He’s seen first-hand how cruel other people at this school can be, and he wasn’t going to let them lay a finger on you (if someone already did, they’re dead)

Everytime someone remotely dodgy approached you, asking for a favour, or for ‘help’ with ‘something’, he’d nonchalantly drag you elsewhere, ensuring that you were again safe. That you didn't have to do anything they requested of you.

He would try to be less cold with you, especially since he was starting to become extremely somewhat fond of you. 

He would make attempts to get you to join the Archery Club, so he could see you more often assist (and subtly praise) you whenever you did well; which was always. You get the bullseye each time. He trains you well. (A bit *too* well some have noticed).

He’d 110% death-stare anyone who tried talking to you after that, didn’t matter if they seemed nice or not, they aren’t trustworthy, not like him.

If you become a target of bullies? They’ll end up hospitalised. Rumours? Person who started them will magically vanish without a trace. He doesn’t care, he’s got enough money to buy this whole city and not make a dent in his funds. The city cops love a good bribe.

Tries to slowly grow closer to you during Archery, hoping that you will warm up to him, become less antsy around him; and eventually (to his unbounding relief), you start talking.

You tell him about your interests, your likes, dislikes, worst fear, what classes you had; and he’s entranced. He doesn’t even care if he spends all day there anymore, he enjoys your voice too much. Also remembers everything you tell him. 

You start talking to him more, and all he can do is relish in the fact that he’s befriending one of the kindest, prettiest, smartest people he’s ever met.

Oh, if you like Crowe? You won’t soon enough, Geo will make sure of that. He won’t harm Crowe’s reputation or try to paint him as a monster, but expect Crowe to become way busier than usual.

Will start randomly muttering compliments to you; sometimes you hear them, to which he denies…but deep down you know he sung your praises, and it fills you with warmth; because you know he isn’t the type to lie to his friends.

“Ugh, Brittney’s so pretty.”

“Not as much as you.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re excused.” (you’re not).

Will send you a gift on your birthday, Valentine’s Day (he’ll make an exception to hating it if it means seeing you happy), Halloween, Christmas, he doesn’t care. Any occasion to give you something is a good one.

Will ask you out…eventually…maybe in a few decades (jkjk)

But when he does, his stoic face will crack, possibly for the first time ever, and he’ll smile. (You can’t handle it he’s too beautiful)

Will ensure you know how highly he thinks of you every single day, along with letting you be the only person to hold his hand.

Will treasure you. Will tell you secrets after a while, will remind you that you can say how you feel around him, and you better start believing it.

As long as you’re comfortable, safe and happy around him, he's content.

[appocalipse]

Hiiii I don’t know if you’re taking requests, but if I could request this with eddie or Steve with reader who’s having a really down depression day? (Very much a self indulgent request) Just some good old comfort and fluff would be greatly appreciated ❤️

hiiii! i think this turned out to be a much more self-indulgent request on my part in the end lol i'm not sure if that's what you wanted, but i hope you like it anyway. thank you so much for this request anon! i hope you're well ♥ eddie x reader! tw: depression, anxiety

--

You knew it was a bad idea long before you got here. There are days in which the voice in your head it’s easier to ignore; today it's loud enough to make it impossible to even hear what your friends are saying. You make sure to laugh every time they laugh, though, nod your head when someone looks at you. Look alive, that is.

Not that it makes any difference, reminds the voice in your head. None of them are paying attention to you, of course.

You're sitting between Nancy and Robin. Every now and then they look at each other over your head and share a giggle. They’re telling a story, something funny that happened at a party everyone went to — well, everyone but you, of course, but you know they aren’t deliberately trying to exclude you. 

How could they possibly tell a story that includes you? that voice asks. Should they talk about how you've mastered the art of sitting in a corner and looking miserable? 

You pick up snippets of conversation here and there, try to nod your head at the right moments. Robin is excitedly saying something, drawing laughter from everyone around the table — she's a good storyteller, she's fun, a good addition to the group. Unlike you. You got lucky.

It feels like an invisible hand is squeezing your heart tightly. You look down at your hands resting on the table and start fiddling with your fingers nervously, barely noticing you’re doing it; pulling, pinching. 

Inside your head, the voice is relentless. 

Why did you come? 

You know they only called you out of pity. 

The only thing you do here is take up space.

You shouldn't have come. Shouldn't have come. Shouldn't have come. The words hang around your neck like a rope. 

Everyone seems to be involved in the conversation — everyone is smiling, and even Jonathan laughs when Nancy starts talking about a dance move she once saw him do. 

It's the perfect moment — you get up, mumbling a quick ‘I'll be right back’ (although probably no one cares to hear) and head for the apartment door.

Outside, you sit on the stairs. Darkness surrounds you, silence stretches out. You try to breathe. It's almost 1 am — nobody's going to see you here, probably.

You'd like to cry, but crying will mess up your makeup, and then your friends will notice and feel the need to ask why, because they're kind, and then you'll have to find a way to explain....and how are you supposed to explain the ongoing storm within you, sometimes silent but never really gone? How are you supposed to explain the storm if they only know the passing rain?

It's not their fault they're normal, that they're healthy. And they shouldn’t have to carry a burden that isn't theirs.

Maybe if I'd had a little to drink, you think feebly, I'd be more fun company.

Being scandalous is not the same thing as being fun, the voice replies immediately. 

You put your face in your hands, elbows resting on your knees. The voice is not wrong, you think.

Leaving seems very tempting, crying in the privacy of your room seems tempting, although it is only a temporary relief. Eddie gave you a ride here, but you can walk home. It's not that far and nothing bad has happened in Hawkins for quite some time…

And who cares if it does?

You glance towards the apartment door. The only problem is, you don't want to go back there to say goodbye to them — it's going to be uncomfortable and you're only going to get in the way once again. Eddie will offer to drive you home, Steve might too, and then you'll have interrupted all of them again. It's so quiet on the stairs that you can hear muffled laughter from inside.

You cross your arms over your knees and rest your forehead on your arm, sighing.

Then the door to Robin's apartment opens once more. 

You’re startled until you see it's Eddie. 

“Sweetheart, what are you doing on the floor?” he asks, standing at the top of the stairs. "That lovely dress of yours will get dirty."

An almost unexplainable feeling rises in your chest just by looking at him. It's a mixture of embarrassment, pain, and happiness; embarrassment, because you must look a little pathetic right now, pain because liking him as much as you do can only end in disaster, and happiness because he likes you enough to come out here looking for you.

Or perhaps the others asked him to do it, the voice in your mind suggests. They must feel sorry for you.

Shut up, you think.

“Lovely?” you ask. Try to sound normal, undo the lump in your throat, smile like a normal girl would smile right now.

Eddie sits a step above you, knee bent near your shoulder. He puts a hand over his heart and smiles one of his easy smiles. “My absolute favorite.”

“Oh, really?”

“Until you wear something else.”

You giggle. He's always kind to you. Always has been. Eddie knew you were at war with yourself from the very first moment he laid eyes on you, and he's been striving to be a white flag ever since.

“What are you doing here, Eddie?"

“Needed some air, so…” he begins. Then he lowers his head, biting his lower lip.  Seems like he has hundreds of thoughts struggling to get out of his mind — and maybe he does. Eventually, he adds, “...actually, no, that's not true. I was worried about you."

You look at each other for one second too long not to be awkward. Then you look away and say, "Me? I'm fine, really. I’m okay."

But your voice sounds high-pitched, higher than usual, more frantic. As if you’re trying to get rid of the words. 

Eddie is not stupid.

"I'm just a little tired. I was thinking about going home," you continue, before he can ask anything that you don’t want to answer right now.

"Going home?"

"Yeah."

He breathes in slowly, "Want me to drive you?"

“No! No, you should be in there, enjoying yourself with your friends.”

“Our friends.”

It's a slip.

"Our friends," you repeat as convincingly as you can, not believing any word at all. The void pulls you in, pulls you down, and the voice in your head screams in your ear until you say, "I'm sorry, Eddie.”

“For what?”

“You're losing out on all the fun in there.”

He's too nice and you're a burden he shouldn't have to carry…

He bumps his knee into your shoulder playfully. "Nah. It's not as fun without you-" You make a sound between a sigh and a laugh and he loses the train of thought. There's a hint of pain behind that sound, of disbelief, and Eddie can feel it. "What is it?" he asks cautiously, looking at you.

Your smile is wide, but it's not happy, far from genuine. If he pays attention, he can tell one from the other these days.

"It's nice of you to say that," you whisper, now looking down at your feet. It’s like the words slipped out, like you didn’t even notice you were saying them.

Eddie worries you’re slipping away.

"No," he says, tilting his head down to see your face better, "it's just the truth."

The lump in your throat grows, expands. You feel dangerously close to crying. And then you giggle instead; a humorless, lifeless sound.

“Eddie, c'mon,” you say nonchalantly, nudging his knee with your shoulder. “It's okay, I know I'm no fun.”

Eddie hates, hates that look on your face, like you’re really waiting for him to agree with you — that blank expression, the practiced smile, the way you seem used to the pain; you even seem to expect it.

His eyebrows rise up, all faux offense, a wolfish grin taking up his features. And just like that, Eddie is back to his usual dramatics. “Excuse me,” he says, “are you calling me a liar, miss?”

Next thing you know, he's leaning forward from the step above you, one leg on either side of you, and the tips of his fingers are at your sides, moving up your ribs, tickling and tickling and tickling. 

You start to laugh — a real laugh, entirely different from the previous one, much to Eddie's delight — trying to fend off his merciless attacks but failing in every attempt.

"Eddie!" you gasp between giggles. “Eddie- stop!”

Eddie is very good at tickling. He's methodical, fast, and way too determined, and he's only satisfied when you’re laughing so hard you fall limp against his stomach, still giggling as you slide down, your back against his thigh, a half-lying position but not quite.

“What? he encourages, a devilish grin on his face. “Do you surrender?”

“Yeah, yes- Stop!”

“Repeat after me: 'i'm super cool and fun to be around'.”

“I'm super- HAHAHA- OK, okay! I'm super cool!”

He slows down but doesn't stop. “And?”

“-and fun to be around! I'm fun!”

Now he stops — but the satisfied, huge smile stays on his face as you rest your weight against him, panting. You can do little more than that in your current state. Your belly hurts — but it's a good kind of pain, a welcome pain. Laughing until it hurts is the kind of pain worth feeling. 

Eddie looks at you from above, kind of upside down. It's an odd angle and he's still handsome — too handsome, too close. Your heart jumps and his smile turns sweet.

“That's better,” Eddie says, brushing a strand of hair away from your forehead with his fingertips. Except for your chest — that’s moving up and down frantically as you try to catch your breath — you're still, the shy smile frozen on your face. "You are awesome,” he adds.

“Stop,” you murmur, turning to press your face against Eddie's side, squeezing his shirt in your fist. 

He feels the heat of your skin through the fabric. He can tell you’re still smiling and smiles too.

“And you're fun and smart and you really care about people. And you're never cruel—”

“Eddie.”

“-except to yourself.”

You don't look at him. "I was just being realistic."

Eddie seems to think for a moment. You crawl into a better position, still sitting on the bottom step as he settles on the top one, your back against his leg.

“No, you weren’t,” he says gently. "Robin asked me if you were coming today at least seven times, you know that?"

Your smile grows a little more confident. “Eddie-”

“And before I left to get you, Steve and Robin were arguing about who would pair up with you to play charades later. So Nancy ended the argument by saying that she would do it herself.”

Now you laughed. "But I'm terrible at charades."

“I know,” he says softly, eyes even softer. "It has nothing to do with the game."

You don't answer, and neither does the voice in your head — momentarily silent. Instead, you let your head rest against Eddie again, just below his sternum, hiding your face. Eddie smiles. He'd love to see the expression on your face right now, but he's pretty sure he can guess what it looks like.

“Do you still want me to take you home?” he asks cautiously, putting his arm around your shoulders.

“I-No.”

Eddie rubs soothing circles on your skin. “I'll take you if you want,” he reassures. “Or…we could go back inside and play charades with those idiots. BUT! Only if you promise to be my pair.”

He feels your laugh more than he hears it. You put your arms around his waist — a little awkward hug, but good enough.

You stay like that for a couple of seconds. Then, you say, “Sure, let's go inside.”

But when you make a move to get up, Eddie pulls you right back and says, “Let’s stay like this a little bit longer, though, huh?”

And there’s no sign of the voice in your head for the rest of the night.

[what-the-fic-khr]

I’m the anon who asked requested Tsuna for the tea prompts when you first did them and I am once again in a Tsuna mood (1? 2? years later lol??) and needing your beautiful writing lol. Can I request Black Tea, Chai and Milk Tea for him? Appreciate you and your work always!

banging my head against a wall, I wish these were a little longer or a little better, but they’re satisfactory enough I think. I hope you like them anyway, anon!! and thank you so much!!

character/s: tyl!sawada tsunayoshi, adult reborn, reader-insert (gender-neutral)

word count: —

warnings: n/a

prompt: tea prompts (black tea, milk tea, chai tea)

black tea; what do they look for in a person?

kindness, first and foremost. you must be a kind person, someone willing to help others. he’s met all kinds of personalities, but above all they all come together when help is needed. that goes for a partner. especially because as a kid he was treated so roughly; someone who is nice is the foundation of a perfect partner for him.

“Tsuna, I brought you some food.”

You held up a plate with a couple pastries on it and Tsuna hummed lowly. “Thank you, dear. You didn’t have to.”

“You haven’t taken a break in a few hours now, so of course I did. You can’t focus if you’re hungry.”

You only smiled when Reborn made a low noise, something like amusement. “Perhaps you coddle him too much? What would he do without you?”

“Ehh, I think it’s fine to coddle him a little bit!”

You set the plate down gently on Tsuna’s desk after he made some space for it. “Right? You’ll let me coddle you, won’t you?”

Tsuna pet one of your hands gently before taking it in his and squeezing. “Thank you. If you’d like to, you can. I appreciate it.”

“Yay. If you need anything, just ask.”

“I will, thank you.”

milk tea; what are their kisses like?

gentle, but confident. once he gets older, and has been with you for a while, there’s no hesitation in his kisses, or any of his actions. after a while, he becomes comfortable and thus does not need to worry about what he does, especially because he learns quickly what you do and don’t like as well

“I found you. Have you eaten yet?”

You turned to smile at Tsuna as he entered the kitchen, one of his arms slipping around your waist comfortably. “No, not yet. Why?”

You tilted your head without any instruction to, like habit, and Tsuna pressed a kiss to your lips with a pleased hum. It was short, and you followed him when he pulled away. His soft laugh could be felt on your lips.

“I wanted to come get you so we could go get lunch together, if that’s okay.”

“Of course it is.”

chai tea; how do they spice up their relationship?

assuming his partner can’t fight, he probably doesn’t take you many places with him when it comes to jobs, missions, etcetera. so I think he would fix this by taking you on specific trips overseas that are unrelated to work; if it’s unrelated there’s less chance people know where you’ll be and he gets to spend more intimate time with you, so it’s a win-win. the best one was obviously taking you to Namimori for the first time

“Ahh, what a cute, quaint town! It’s so nice here.”

Tsuna watched you rock back and forth as you looked out the window of your hotel, taking in the town again after you’d gone exploring earlier in the day.

“I’m a little jealous of you all. What a nice place to be raised in.”

“Mm, I agree. I think it’s a great place to raise a family.” He paused for a moment. “I had fun growing up here.”

You hummed lowly, thinking over his short pause carefully. You straightened, pushing off the windowsill to turn and face him, leaning back against it.

“I bet it was! Haha, thinking of you all running around causing trouble for everyone… Makes me wish I could’ve met you all sooner.”

He smiled widely at this, head tilting. He stepped closer when you waved at him too, crowding you up against the window. You happily grabbed his coat and tugged him down closer, lips ghosting over his.

“I think you would have fit in well with our little group,” he murmured. “But we can make new memories now, so it’s fine, isn’t it?”

“Right. We can start right now, too. Indulge me?”

“Of course.”

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Rollo-senpai,

First of all, I wish you a happy birthday. May it be a good time for you to reflect and improve even further.

I remember you expressing an interest in some of the books in the library during your past visit of Night Raven College. While it is indeed impossible from your current location to borrow them -- and, more importantly, return them-- I thought it appropriate to give you something along that theme.

So, here is a collection of 11 books, telling the story of the Righteous Judge, in pristine condition. I found it to be an interesting read back when I borrowed them. It is not the edition available in the library, but hopefully it will be to your taste.

On another note, I would like to compete with you in an equestrian race someday.

Give my regards to your vice-president and your aide for me.

Riddle Rosehearts.

If anyone is wondering why Riddle specifically gifted Rollo 11 books, I believe it’s because the original written version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame was contained in 11 volumes of varying lengths. Anon was most likely making a reference to that.

Anyway <3 I love writing passive aggressive dialogue... (It's not much of a fun reaction from Rollo if Riddle isn't actually there, so I decided to change the ask from a letter format to Riddle being present and speaking to him.)

"May it be a good time for you to reflect and improve even further."

Rollo pursed his lips.

Riddle was straightforward with his wishes, but there was no mistaking the underlying sternness to every syllable he strung together. After all, he had been present when the City of Flowers was burning. He and Rollo exchanged strained, knowing looks as the tower of tomes changed possession.

"Thank you for the new reading materials. I've been looking everywhere for this series," the birthday boy said, setting the books down on a nearby table.

He was just as selective with his own choice of words as Riddle was with his. The room and everything in it was glass, and he and Riddle, the occupants tiptoeing to avoid shattering any of it.

"I was not aware that you too had an appreciation for history."

"Of course I do. Learning history is vital to ensuring that we do not repeat the mistakes of our ancestors--or our own blunders," Riddle emphasized. "... I'm certainly no stranger to the concept."

Mistakes?

Rollo bristled.

He didn’t make mistakes. He was staring at one—a miscreant that had toppled his grand plans. Boiling venom rose up.

"How fortunate for you that you have access to Night Raven College's extensive archives," Rollo purred snidely. "You have ample opportunity to study its materials to reflect and improve even further."

Riddle's face collapsed into a frown. "Well! Perhaps it would do you some good to study a bit more yourself."

"Bold words coming from the man who claimed to have the equestrian abilities to outperform me--only to fall short. Now you come back challenging me a second time in hopes of regaining glory. Before making such demands of others, might I suggest partaking in the act of introspection?"

"We were neck-and-neck in dressage, and you know it!!" Riddle snapped, his cheeks heating with anger. "You were no more or less skilled than I! We stood on equal grounds. Next time, I swear to defeat you and demonstrate the strength of Night Raven College's Equestrian Club!!"

"Fufu, I would like to see you try." Rollo smirked, spreading his arms out. To the layman, it may have appeared like an invitation for a hug--but no, Riddle saw it for the taunt it truly was. "I refuse to be defeated by the likes of villains like yourself."

“Villains…!” Riddle huffed. He aggressively shook his head. “I almost feel sympathy for those in your student council. They’re blinded by whatever heavenly light they’re convinced you exude. You are nowhere close to reaching that pinnacle!”

[micamicster]

Hi! Do you have any romcom (movie) recs? I feel like i hypothetically like the genre, but have a lot of trouble finding ones i enjoy. So many romcoms feel so formulaic (in a dead way) and misogynistic and stale to me. I think they’re a lot easier to do well in the context of a series because there’s actually time to build. Recently i thought rye lane and fire island were fun. I like kdramas when i have the time for all the episodes because i appreciate the build. I need chemistry— people who both convincingly like each other and seem like actual human beings. I thought you might have some good ideas! Thanks <3

HELLO LARGE VOICED ANON <3

I hope you weren't waiting on my recs all day haha i have been. hm. hungover af <3 (i'm going to leave kdramas off this list for now but if you would like specific recs for kdrama romcoms send me another ask and i can try to do them justice!)

I think this is a genre with underrated range! So one thing that I find very interesting about the genre of romcoms is that I think there tends to be a split between romcoms whose goal is, like, to be a fun lighthearted movie with a central romance, vs romcoms whose goal is to Say Something About Love in the vehicle of a funny movie. Both of these categories are represented on this list but for giggles i will not be saying which i think are which <3

anyway recs under the cut <3 i will link my tags for these movies if you want to take a look but be warned for spoilers ofc

I think for your purposes my primary rec would be Lovesick (aka Scrotal Recall). It's a (short) tv show so it would likely give you the chance to get to know the characters and see a slower build. In contrast to the frustration you've had with some more "formulaic" romcoms the writing in this show is very deliberately in conversation with romcoms of the past. Also it's just one of my favorite romcoms ever made so I rec it to everyone. The premise is that a young man, Dylan, is diagnosed with chlamydia and instructed to tell his past partners. Being a hopeless romantic (emphasis on hopeless), he decides to try to turn this into an opportunity to revisit relationships that didn't work out, and try to figure out where he's been going wrong. Two simultaneous storylines play out in each episode, the flashbacks to the exes (and breakups) and the present, where Dylan's best friend is getting married.

Older romcoms: When Harry Met Sally (ive heard this is divisive? but idc its SO funny and so well made), Moonstruck (a romantic-comedy in the operatic sense. also cher <3), The Philadelphia Story (katharine hepburn the woman u r. tw for a classic 1940s gag about punching ur wife in the face), Bringing Up Baby (screwball comedy my beloved), Roman Holiday (audrey hepburn is lethally charming in this movie), Dirty Dancing (someday ill write something this good and then You Will Realize), Much Ado About Nothing (i tend to enjoy either the danielle brooks shakespeare in the park version or the classic tennant/tate combo)

Teen romcoms: 10 things I hate about you (young heath ledger and young julia stiles ur welcome), to all the boys i;ve loved before (lana condor is ADORABLE), The Half of It (my other favorite sort-of romcom of the decade)

More recent-ish: Speed (like its keanu and sandra what more do you want), Strictly Ballroom (i used to watch this literally weekly as a child and I WAS RIGHT TO), Miss Congeniality (sandra bullock what u did for us all <3), Fire Island (thank u 4 my LYFE), The sandra bullock/channing tatum movie that came out last year (i forget what its called but he's so funny in it), Mamma Mia AND Mamma Mia Here We Go Again (beautiful greek islands, abba, cher, what more can you ask for?)

Indian/bollywood: Jab We Met (after dramatically quitting his job, Local Man somehow ends up escorting a woman he meets on the train while she attempts to elope with her boyfriend. aka classic screwball comedy heroine and Guy She Dragged Along For The Ride), khabie khushi khabi gham (multiple generations of romance and family drama featuring Kajol, the Most Beautiful Woman In the World), Band Baaja Baaraat (two wedding planners fall in love--great choice if you want to watch idiots ambushed by their feelings)

Other tv recs: Selfie (john cho and karen gillian in a show canceled far too soon)

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Alright, a couple of regular replies, and then some about Jade!

eh-nonnie-mouse asked:

I'm so nervous to de anon but your newest comic of Floyd/Idia comic is too cute! I'm sure Floyd totally doesn't have any ulterior motives once he realizes what position they are in.

This is such a silly thing to be nervous about since I write problematic content (mostly incest) and enjoy your Shroudcest stuff a lot. You have such a beautiful art style and I am so happy my anon blurbs (the Seb/Ceil and Fin/Ciel and some other NSFW stuff) make you two somewhat happy 😊. I know I don't interact with a lot but I hope to drop more chats in non anon.

Thank you so much! We really appreciate it <3

Floyd is super invested in that game he’s playing, but once they’re in this very convenient position, he’ll show Idia how much of a multitasker he can be >:3c He’ll impress him for sure.

And even though it’s going off-anon is an anxious thing to do, it’s good to see a person behind all those asks :) Nice to meet you!

Anonymous asked:

(Referring to your fem twst art) I absolutely NEED to see fem!Silver in Aurora’s 1959 commoner outfit! She would look so pretty!!! 🥺😍🥺😍

Ahh SHE WOULD, ANON, SHE REALLY WOULD!! And honestly this is my favourite outfit of Aurora.

I don’t have anything to show right now, but I really hope to draw fem!Silver in this dress. Even though she probably spent the majority of her time wearing pants…

Btw thank you for loving my fem!Silver, it means a lot ;w;

Anonymous asked:

In this household we love Jade ❤️

In all seriousness the fandom doesn't give him enough love, Jade is always the other woman when it comes to ships and worst of all it's always Floyd his own twin brother that gets the girl anyways. Make a donation to save Jade from second male lead syndrome 😢/j.

Ahh, poor Jade. Always a bridesmaid, never the bride… I can picture him sobbing quietly and wiping his tears with a tiny little handkerchief… :”(

To be fair, I think Jade finds his position quite advantageous: if everyone always pays attention to Floyd, he gets to not only act as if he isn’t the same when it comes to being chaotic and dangerous, but also have this element of surprise!

He also doesn’t flirt as obviously and as often as Floyd does, so we can blame Jade’s sneaky ways to collect his bottoms lol

Anonymous asked:

by chance, do you think Jade would like using idia as a lab rat? aka feeding him all kinds of mushrooms to test their effects and inevitably doing the affection +100 nighttime-activities command with a very drugged up idia

Anonymous asked:

I wonder if Jade being the awful guy he is (lovingly) would test out every single kink from A-Z on Idia?

Those are two different asks, but I feel like they are kind of connected because in my head to Jade testing out kinks and using someone as a lab rat are pretty much the same thing lol And to answer both of them: YES, Jade would absolutely do that if he had an opportunity. I guess the second option is more possible because it seems less dangerous, and I wanted to say that it would come first, but…. Honestly? With Jade it could go either way.

He could either start experimenting on Idia and it’d turn out sexual, or he’d start having sex with Idia, but then they’d end up experimenting somehow.

I don’t know what needs to happen for Idia to get stuck with Jade-the-shroom-guru and his tests, but Jade would be very excited. I mentioned it our other Jade/Idia posts, but: he would love to see if some mushrooms would change the colour of his hair or the way it burns. In this way, Idia is the most perfect lab rat ever – it’s so much fun! Not to mention how helpless Idia becomes when he’s drugged up… even more-so than he is usually~

[desafinado]

ahh congrats on 200!! once you’re less busy with work (rip) could i please request a school/uni au where reader is a secret admirer for any characters of your choice? maybe they’re part of the same friend group, or they share similar classes? oh or maybe they consult/ask the reader for advice about the letters or smt? i don’t mind the format btw! thank you so so so much:D

(ps. idk if you keep anons but if you do, could i be 🍁 anon~?)

°｡⋆ thoma, ayato x reader (wc: 2,129) °｡⋆ thoma relationship w/ reader a bit interdependent, swearing, fluff, banter note: omg yes i love this idea!! also yes you could be 🍁 anon!! and you'd be my vv first anon so omg yay welcome!!! and hope you enjoy ^^ (also chose thoma and ayato bc of those school uniform collab thing, it was what first came to mind)

ayato ♡

you could not ignore his presence the moment he entered the room. it was as if the mere presence of him warranted trumpets.

you were either enamored by him or scared to make even the slightest eye contact with him; his reputation as a wealthy heir and supposed poised nature preceded him.

you were in a rare minority though, that minority being almost infuriatingly annoyed with how everyone treated him like a prince. you didn’t care about him for the most part, but it was annoying to hear his name in every conversation right before class started.

that was, of course, he was randomly assigned to be your partner for a term long project.

“hmm, i don’t believe we’ve been acquainted. kamisato ayato, and you?”

oh brother, this guy stinks (/j) but all those inner thoughts you’ve had making fun of him were quickly meeting its end.

he was polite enough; teased you a bit, but nothing you couldn’t handle. it was actually fun to see his reaction to you teasing him back.

“you know, i believe you’re the first person to call me a piece of shit… well to my face at least.”

he was more self-aware than you thought, good company too. he seemed to be a bit more of himself around you too, and you appreciated that.

your friendship went way beyond just study sessions and meetings, opting to hangout just because you liked each other’s presence, isn’t that neat?

eventually, he’d also open up more emotionally. telling you his woes, the pressure of being the heir to the kamisato business, caring for his younger sisters, and of course, general university/college student stress.

you heard him out every time, and always knew how to help him get out of his head.

“wanna come over and cry it out over som–” “yes.”

you had realized it when he slept over one night, he had fallen asleep on your lap, snoring quietly. you were gently stroking his cheek, admiring his soft skin, how kissable his lips were.

kissable lips? now, wanting to kiss them could imply a multitude of things, but that coupled with how much you cared for him, and the way your heart fluttered around his small acts of appreciation… you had fallen in love with him, hard.

after that “small” epiphany, you tried to bury it down, down deep in the recesses of your mind.

everyone must’ve had at least a moment in which they thought they were in love with a dear friend, right?

that was what you told yourself everyday for the past two months.

you tried to keep it buried, but the pounding of your heart only got stronger each time you were left alone with him. at nights, your thoughts would linger on what it would be like to take him out to dinner, send cute couple texts, and all of those domestic activities.

but for now, you could only stay where you were, a friend and a partner (in class).

it was valentine’s day, and you both were stuck in the library trying to make some progress on your term project. it’s not like you had any better plans anyways, you’re just hoping ayato didn’t mind. 

“what about this journal? it correlates with our topic.”

he sends you a link of the article in question and you skim through it; ayato is watching intently for any sort of response. you hum in approval, looking up at him from your laptop.

“i think we can use it, yeah. honestly, i just want this done with… and anyways, we can just do improvements on the final stretch.” you sigh a little, thinking of all the work left to do after this particular stage of the project. he raises an eyebrow with an all-knowing smirk.

“hmm? why in a rush? you have a valentine’s date perhaps?” you shut your laptop, sighing even more dramatically. “okay, one, you know i’m a loser, and two, maybe i'm just tired, dumbass.” ayato giggles at your misery, cleaning up his own things.

“you’re not a complete loser, despite what you might think.” he mumbles almost inaudibly, but you certainly heard it. it takes you aback and sets your heart ablaze, sure, but you shrug it off and try changing the topic. 

“what about you? you surely must have some event at the very least. aren’t you part of like three different organizations?”

he shakes his head, picking up his bag. “ok yes, but i actually don’t really care for the holiday that much. it's just an excuse for couples to show off, is it not?” now, that elicits a chuckle from you. “aw, really? maybe you’re just bitter you don’t have anyone to spend it with.”

he stops dead in his tracks, looking up at you; he’s rolling his eyes, and you’re laughing at your successful attempt in throwing him off.

“oh, whatever. it’s not like you have anyone either.”

“yeah, but at least i’m not the valentine’s equivalent of the grinch”

“hey! i never said–”

you both earn a shush from another nearby table, stopping your little squabble. you both decide to leave the area before continuing your conversation any further. once you’re both out, ayato takes the chance to continue what he was saying.

“as i was saying, i don’t detest the idea of love itself. i just see no point in celebrating such a holiday when you could be showing your lover how much you love them everyday.”

he had a point, and it was actually pretty poetic and romantic.

“okay, well that’s besides the point, valentine’s day is still a pretty cute excuse to go all out.” you swoon, thinking up the most romantic scenarios. a subtle smile rests on ayato’s face before he playfully shakes his head. “to each their own, i guess. just know that if it were me, i’d never let a day go by in which you aren’t aware of how much i love you.”

…

freudian slip, he was distracted by your cute face and the way it lit up at the thought of romance. you smirked at the turn of events though.

“me?”

“i mean… yes. i-i do wish to treat you as s-such… but i didn’t mean for it to–”

“i like you too, ayato. i... i've been waiting to say that for a while now.”

“oh… really?”

“yes, now take me out! you said you would treat me as such did you not?"

thoma ♡

it was your first few days on campus, and you were overwhelmed by everything. so many people, new places, and you all by your lonesome.

you weren’t a sociable person and it was tiring, you felt your head pounding at the thought of all the ways every little thing could go wrong.

you sat alone at lunch, trying to handle your oncoming headache, when someone approached you from behind.

“hey, uh are you alright?”

you were stunned to say the least, and turning around to see him only intensified that surprise.

“oh, h-hi.”

he introduced himself as thoma, he had the sweetest, kindest, most sunshine filled smile you had ever laid eyes on; you felt comfortable in his friendly aura, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious talking to someone as gorgeous as him.

his eyes shined every time he chuckled, and you swooned in response, letting him steer the conversation away from your worrisome thoughts.

eventually, he was able to talk you into going to the uni’s clinic, and he made sure to stick by your side until he was sure you were in safe hands.

“now, i’ve got a class, but this isn’t goodbye, right? next time we meet, i hope to see you in a much better state.”

he was so… gr. you’d rather him the one taking care of you, cuddles, handholding, and all, but yes, you definitely wanted to see him again.

over time, you’d run into him more often, text him every now and then, even eat lunch together with his friends.

he was such a delight to be around, you had any question about events, rules, recommendations, literally whatever and he’d have the best advice.

you’d spend hours sharing stories and random opinions, you even found yourself skipping a class or two just to spend an extra hour with him.

he took care of you so well, but it was also a somewhat somber reminder that you were just a friend to him, someone he took care of. you definitely didn’t want him to see you as some sort of younger sibling.

that was when you took it upon yourself to really lean more into the uni life. you tried going to parties, joining clubs, even going on a few dates. 

at this point, you weren’t so sure anymore if you were doing this for the experience or to run away from your feelings.

you found yourself blowing off hangouts with thoma in favor of some random frat party or blind date. even for lunch, you’d excuse yourself, saying you had to study or get some rest before your next class.

you couldn’t hold him off forever though, a simple text was all it took.

“we need to talk. meet you at that dog cafe by the flower shop in 30?”

“thoma?”

you looked like a corpse fresh out of the grave; your skin looked like it desperately needed some sun, and dark spots were evident under your tired eyes. thoma took your hand and guided you to a booth with some drinks and food. it was definitely tempting.

“we haven’t hung out in a while, i’m worried about you, you know?”

his frown hurt you like never before, but you knew it was only because of his concern. you took a seat across from him, slowly nodding.

“i know, i’m sorry. i’ve just been trying to expand my horizons? i don’t actually know anymore.” you sigh knowing you can’t even lie to him, he always sees things through. you took a sip of the drink he had ordered for you. he looked deep in thought before speaking up.

“then, why not talk to me about it? was it something i said? did you…” his voice is strained as he voices out the next words. “have you been making new friends?” there's an encouraging smile on his face, but you know it's only for show, for you.

“i tried, but no, not really. nobody compares to you, thoma.” your eyes meet his as you say his name. you didn’t mean to, but you wanted to be sincere. thoma, in return, blushed profusely, not expecting you to express such sentiments.

“ah, really?” the poor boy is trying to calm his racing heart and focus on you. “i– that’s nice to know that you think of me that way– n-not to say making new friends is bad! i just thought you had forgotten about me.”

“how could i? when all i could think about was coming back to you.”

“wait, what do you–”

“i like you, thoma. i love the way the light hits your face, i love how thoughtful you are about everyone, i love all the nonsensical conversations we’ve had. the only thing i hate about you is how much of an effect you have on me; how being away from you makes me sad, and being with you fills me with an uncontrollable rush of adrenaline… and, and even then, it's only my fault.”

your eyes closed shut the whole way, you can’t bear to see the pity on his face. you knew it was bad, you knew doom was imminent, but the only thing that hurt more than avoiding him was lying to him.

“i like you too… in that very same way, and i apologize if i ever made you feel like i didn't.” his hand slowly rested on top of yours from across the table. your eyes squinted slightly to see his face; there was a soft blush dusting his cheeks, and emerald eyes gazing back at you.

you slowly shake your head before replying. “you never did, you made me feel at home. i thought you’d only see me as some bothersome thing you had to care for, so i wanted to prove to you, and i guess myself, otherwise.”

his smile only widens, as he leans over the table to give you a kiss on the cheek. your eyes are fully open now, letting go of his hand to feel the warmth he left on your cheek.

“you were never a burden, if anything, my love for you sorta just overflowed that it manifested in those ways, me being a mother hen basically.” he chuckled, taking your hand in his. you nodded, focusing your gaze back on him.

“but now, i want you to trust me, let me love you, is that okay?”

divider: henri le sidaner | requests are open!! please do not repost on other sites

[birthdaycakeplate]

same anon asking for Blitzbee fic recommendations, tried to message you but unfortunately your account is set to only people you follow doing that.

but hmmm, I'd say my personal taste in fics are actually slow burns, I really like fics that focus on Blitzwing and Bee forming an unlikely relationship based on their 'home lives' in a sense of it, where neither are understood and often viewed as annoyances/loose canons leading both to a feeling of isolation and a mild desperation/willingness to connect with anyone even at the risk of 'treason' for interacting with the other side.

I also enjoy the progression for Blitzwing of seeing Bumblebee as a harmless amusement to him somehow becoming a bit of a hyper focus that causes the big bad con to develop some empathy and *gasp* morals.

Meanwhile Bee is just a cocky little bastard who refuses to accept Blitzwing as the actual threat he is and then feelings are caught when his view of the world is shifted and he finds out Decepticons are also actually just people with complex feelings and motivations (also bonus if break down of autobots 'all warbuilds are evil because' bs is broken down)

I realize now I'm rambling so apologies its just a very fun ship to babble about.

If I was to ask for any fic, if you could set one in your Nemesis AU that be amazing, the size difference you give in that is spectacular like omg I stare so politely.

Also the concept is just very fun to me and I'd love to see that au world expanded.

As for spicy content I don't really have any ideas? Sorry I'm actually terrible at writing it my only preferences are Blitz top and preferably consensual.

for ease if we keep talking like this I'll sign off as

Curiosity

GOD, of course I invited you to talk with me and then blocked you from doing that elekkeem 🌝 I think I fixed my messaging where I’ll get your stuff now, if you’d like to try again 😭 I swear I’m always this dysfunctional.

But anyway, your message here is good, true, andfantastic. I CRY. Your view on the ship is perfect and pure D,8

I LOVE when Blitzwing is stunned when his desire to squash the useless yellow gnat and be done with him is suddenly evaporated by the sudden realization this guy is slowly becoming the only thing in his life fun and full of life (and kind of precious if he’s being honest, ok???). Because their chemistry is crazy- they’re both wrekcless little freaks when left to their own devices, but full time loyal, fucked up little creatures to the ones closest to them. The handful Blitzwing can afford to let in to his life, even if ‘friends’ isn’t the word he’d use, and the few Bumblebee can make real connections with, when he’s a mischievous ant with a complex to make ‘something great’ of himself.

But he already IS great and bad boy Blitzwing needs to make it his immediate life’s goal to get that through to him and give him lots of love. (I ramble, too, you’re in good company)

I’m bad at stating my thoughts, I get overwhelmed when it’s my own emotions. But I typed and retyped something along the lines of how I’m noticing we have lots of similarities here in terms of what our favorite flavor of Blitzbee is 🩷🩷🩷 I bet lots of ppl who read this would agree with you and appreciate you throwing out there the love language of these complete messes of men✨

Does that mean my attempt to translate these tastes into fiction beside my ideas will make for good reading and also provide you a happy source of top Blitz/blitzbee? God, I HOPE so. You deserve it and I’m going to try.

I have the first chapter half written, because-

OH MY GOD, YOU LIKE MY AUTBOTS JOIN THE NEMESIS AU STUFF EKEKKEE

OoooOOOHhhh aAHHHHHHHH

I SCREEEEEEAM 💕💕💕 thank you???!!! That means so much to ME and makes me insanely happy, because I was so surprised when you said that, and I REALIZED how amazing it is to hear a thing like that. That I’ve got a thing going I didn’t imagine would become liked enough for a fic request for it.

I’m hoping to finish this first chapter by next Friday. Probably sooner than that? But I’m scared life won’t allow it. Thanks for your messages💕

(The other anons who messaged me, too, about some top Blitzwing fic stuff, I see you and I’m elated to hear from so many of you, thank you✨)

[yelenasdiary]

Hey, I know I’m new here and I haven’t sent an ask here yet but I just had to get my little dig in at anon and anyone who has an issue with what you write.

So, anon. Do you genuinely believe that this is how the world works? Do you really think that by shitting on people who work hard on these creative projects and are kind and generous enough to share them with us, do you think that being awful to them is how you get more of what you want?

Because it’s not. As an avid reader but also a writer myself, seeing that shit does absolutely nothing but destroy our motivation to create. Which in turn means you get NOTHING! When all you do is bitch and moan and complain, you get NOTHING!!!

So, and I mean this genuinely, go home and go fucking cry about it to your pillow cause it’s the only thing that’s gonna listen to your whining.

If you really, truly want to see something done, either get off your ass and write it yourself or pull out your wallet and be prepared to pay for it while giving a nice and respectful message to the writer you’re paying.

Rule number 1 in asking for shit: DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TEDTalk. Your bs is NOT appreciated!

And to you, dear fellow author, keep up the amazing work and remember to take a break and drink some water every now and then! I genuinely enjoy your writing and simply can’t wait for October!! Much love!!!!

I really don’t like to explain just how much time I spend on this blog because at the end of the day, that’s my choice but I will say that some of the fics for October Special took me more than a day to write!

I’m pretty sure from memory that 12 out of 13 of those fics are over 1K words & I know for some that’s easy to accomplish & I know for others, it can take some time. For me, some of these fics took me a little longer than I expected. I spent my 2 week break from my graphic design course to get through these requests so that I could not only give content but also be apart of something fun and exciting.

I’m still really excited to post these, some of them are in my list of favourite fics I’ve written & that makes me so much more excited to share them.

Unfortunately when I was putting together the Masterlist I had a background thought of “oh man, this isn’t going to be that great” & that was simply because I knew that there was that lack of Wanda & Natasha content. They’re popular and gain more audience but I also kept telling myself that I wanted to give something a little different, which is why there’s more Yelena & Kate than others. Not to mention the Agatha fic I wrote that I’m keen for people to read.

I know I’ll never be able to keep everybody happy, I wish I could but I can’t and I’m sorry for that. But I really do hope people start to understand that creating literally anything isn’t easy, it takes time, practice and patience!!

I love you all who have shown kindness and support, even when I feel that I am at the end of the cliff and want to just delete my blog (dw I’ll never delete, but it’s a thought that I have sometimes). You guys make me happy and for that I’m so thankful ❤️💜

*not sure if your name is Rachel but if it is, hiii we are name twins haha!*

[sitp-recs]

For the trope ask game, if you still want to (I just queued the post for myself and I am also worried that tomorrow-me won't be prepared haha), how would you rate Soulmate AUs (I was thinking specifically soulmarks, but any is fine), Forced Proximity, and/or Arranged Marriage?

Thanks so much anon! I hope you’re feeling refreshed to do it today 😂🙌 would love to hear your thoughts on these, if you feel like it!

Soulmate AUs

C: Neutral.

I’m pretty neutral on soulmate fics in general because they tend to be a bit too dramatic for my tastes, but I do read them occasionally! And Drarry has some truly excellent ones. My fave take is when they don’t know they’re soulmates (or they don’t think they are) but end up falling in love anyway. There’s something compelling about doomed lovers defying the odds 🤌🏼 I like it when authors find a way to make soulmate AUs feel earned and organic within the enemies to lovers context, instead of just putting them in situations where they “have to do it”, and it’s fun to see cool soulmark ideas! Written on the Heart is a fabulous classic ofc, and I also love Highly (in)Compatible. Fuck buddies+changing soulmarks, I live for this combo!

Forced proximity

B: Like it. Not one of my bigger cravings, but it can scratch a certain itch

I appreciate the range of this trope because it can go so many ways, not necessarily involving dubcon/fuck or die situations, which is always nice. Going through my bookmarks I realized I prefer case fics or quiet flat sharing, the kind that mixes UST and domestic bliss. Bodyguard? Yes please. Stuck in a sentient house? Jam. Forced marriage cottagecore? Just what the doctor ordered 😌

Arranged Marriage

C: Neutral

I almost went with a D for this one because it’s not a trope I usually go for - more often than not, I find the explanation behind the arranged marriage a bit too unrealistic and it can take me out of the fic. I feel the same with fake dating to be honest. I just realized that I simply haven’t read this trope enough to have a well-formed opinion about it. I don’t have it on my radar and won’t come across it unless I see it recced; that being said, I really loved Bixgirl’s classic TOBM - I found it both hot, creative and emotionally satisfying. A+ characterization, hate sex 🔥gorgeous imagery and so many memorable quotes! That one is a masterpiece imo.

Send me a trope and I’ll rate it!

[catb-fics]

Fanfiction Year in Review - 2022

I saw this that @icouldntfindquiet did and wanted to do one too! I put it under the cut as it got quite long. Here goes…

1) List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished:

I’ve only completed imagines as all my multi-part stories are still on-going, but I think these were all done this year (no idea of order):

Daddy, Wet (omg these titles I’m such a slut someone kill me now 😂) In Good Hands, Good Touch, Hungry, Heat, Tease, Incredible, Expectations, Pick Him Up From Heathrow, Skin to Skin and a fair few mini-fic/headcanon type things.

Not finished but multi-part stories I’ve worked on this year are Red, The Devil Next Door, Forbidden, I’m With the Band, Ice Cold, No Nut November and Never Have I Ever.

This has actually shocked me as I didn’t think I’d written that much this year but I’ve written about 70 things 😮

2) Number of words written:

This is hard as I’ve written so many different things but as each update/imagine is usually between 2-4k I’m gonna have a guess at around 200,000 words.

3) Your most popular fic:

It’s hard to say but I feel like Red gets the most love ❤️

4) Your personal fav:

I still love Ice Cold even though I neglected it completely this year 😭 Red would probably come a close second.

5) Your fav scene:

This year it would prob be the gig and then the elevator scene in Red (not just for the eventual and inevitable sex either I just liked how that whole thing came together with the tension between Van and Y/N and how she tries so hard to deny her true feelings).

6) A fic or scene that challenged you:

Probably Lyla waking up after her injuries in Ice Cold, I wanted to show a softer side to Van when he takes care of her. I liked how it came out though.

I’m really struggling with the angsty bits in Red too!

7) A line of writing you're proud of:

It’s hard to say as I can’t recall all the specific things I’ve written. I guess I liked these bits in Ice Cold though (and they’re more than a line!)

* * * * *

8) A comment that touched you:

I’m not sure, every single comment or vote or read means the world to me, it really does. I have a silly tag for some lovely asks I’ve had that never fails to make me feel all warm and fluffy inside ha ha! 🥰

9) Something that inspired your writing:

This beautiful man lmao…

Seriously though I get my inspo from everywhere, anons/mutuals sometimes give me amazing ideas, just random scenarios I dream up, I must admit a fair bit of my inspo for Forbidden comes from NSFW tumblr posts! 🙈

10) Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc:

I think I’m just proud for still writing fics now as it was only ever supposed to be a little lockdown hobby. I keep going through phases where I think I’m done with it, but then I keep coming back!

11) Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

I hope to continue with writing next year as when I’m in the mood to write it’s so much fun! I know most of my stories are just silly and trashy but it’s just nice to escape into a little fictional world sometimes. I definitely want to finish Red and I’d like to get back into writing Ice Cold if I can. I’m not going to set myself any more goals as life is so busy I don’t have as much time to write nowadays.

Anyway thank you to anyone who’s read my stuff this year, I really appreciate it - it means so much to me ❤️

[waywardstation]

Glad you feel similar about Scarlet and Violet as me. It’s fun so far. I’m not that far in and a nasty cold knocked me out that I couldn’t even continue. My so far opinion is that Miraidon(and I’m sure Koraidon as well) is sooo adorable, the different paths all have a lot of fun and interesting things going on and the overall experience is enjoyable! (Glitches aren’t a big deal for me, I used to play Skyrim a lot a few years ago and that game can be a real glitchy mess, SV runs perfectly compared to that mess)

But as much fun as I have, there is no character that speaks to me or became a favorite so far. They’re not bad at all but I have seen too little of them to really grow to appreciate them.

So I’m still all in with PLA and Submas and I’m really relieved to hear that you keep up with PLA stuff for now. Of course you do you and I respect that and your decision but it’s always a bit sad to see people moving on from something and leaving art comics and fics unfinished behind… Everyone can do what they want but it’s still a little sad…

Anyway glad you stick around for now 💖

Looking forward to reading the new fic and the Christmas stuff later on! Still don’t overdo it and take care!

In regards to this ask

I’m so sorry to hear you’re sick Anon (and I hope you get better soon!) but glad to see you feel the same way I do!!

Yes I love Miraidon! I love the new method of split paths, and I love the concept of Gym tests! (Not so much the execution in this game, but that’s ok!) even the glitches are fun; I’ve seen a lot of people compare it to Skyrim, and as someone who’s played it myself, I can see why. Still love it! But the characters have not grown on me like PLA’s have.

And yes! For now, I’m still sticking with PLA and Submas, and I mean to for a long time ^^ I still have a lot planned for these two subjects in terms of content, and I’m still just as in love with them as I was when I first started this blog ^^ not going anywhere!

And yes! It’s always such a sad thing to see comics and fics go unfinished; I hope it brings relief to say I do not plan to do that with my work, because I don’t want to add to that - though it does help greatly that I haven’t lost motivation yet either! HFBE is still having progress made, as is IWLYB - they’re slow right now due to university, and struggling mental/physical health, but it’s still going!! I am determined not to leave it unfinished, and still find so much joy in writing them ^^

Thank you so much for the well wishes anon!!! I very much appreciate it!! Glad you’re looking forward to more, it’s always such a motivational booster to hear that ^^

[viscountessevie]

in response to your previous post i honestly believe simone and jonny are very close and have a great friendship, you can see their chemistry and comfort when around one another in pics/vids (it’s quite rare 🥺), i just think they’re both so private and that’s why there’s not much content (like simone mentioned in an interview she went to jonny’s play yet there’s no pics - i think they probs see each other more than we think), it’s similar to simone and phoebe they seem to be very close friends having gone on girl trips together and simone was with phoebe on her birthday, there’s just such limited posts and exposure that it’s not talked about or known

About this ask also answering this as a part of Sanji’s Sleepover!

Also thought it would be fun to share what I’m listening to as I answer these asks!

Very appropriate for Jimone the title speaks for itself.

The moon is high//Like your friends were the night that we first met

Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet//Now I've read all of the books beside your bed//The wine is cold

It's the being high and cold wine mentions for meee 😂

Thanks for waiting for the reply anon, it’s been a doozy of a week and can finally respond to this!

[Jimone Appreciation Under The Cut 🥺🥺]

Exactly anon you're absolutely right and your ask pretty much affirms what I think too and have gone more in detail in the ask linked above.

As for Simone and Pheebs I loveee their friendship and talked about it before on my blog (will be linking tomorrow since I’m less than sharp tonight lmao). They are adorable, I love them and wanna be their friends! 

About Jimone and what you said: 

i honestly believe simone and jonny are very close and have a great friendship, you can see their chemistry and comfort when around one another in pics/vids (it’s quite rare 🥺), i just think they’re both so private and that’s why there’s not much content (like simone mentioned in an interview she went to jonny’s play yet there’s no pics - i think they probs see each other more than we think)

You’re SO right bestieee - ALL THEIR PICS AND VIDS SHOW COMFORT AND GREAT (PLATONIC) CHEMISTRY!! Also this is the first I’m hearing of her going to his place that’s soo exciting I hope she liked it (even tho I have Thoughts on Cock,,,) Anyways I wanted this post to be a Jimone Friendship Appreciation Post so here we goooo:

[Also this article did great compiling most of these pics!]

We’re gonna start off with the picture that started it all and I just KNEW they were instant bestiess: 

MY ALL TIME JIMONE PICTURE - I AM SO S O F T YALL

They’re soooo dorky fr fr and THE WAY SIMONE COMPLETELY GOES BACK TO CHARACTER IN A SPLIT SECOND?? T A L E N T

BESTIESSS LOOKING FOINE & ITS THE COMPLETE LOOK OF ADORATION AND LOVE FOR ME

This Video Is Everything To Me 

Also this picture is so beautiful I’ve stared at it for 5 hours:

There’s SO many more but then we’ll be here all day so everyone please share your fave Jimone moments with me thank you!! Hope yall enjoyed! 

Sleepover Asks Examples! 

Hit Me With Your Best (Ask) Shot

[mondscheinprinzessin]

I'm caught within BTS

Anon, do you mean I'm caught beneath with nothing left to give? I hope so, otherwise you get this answer for free and can write another ask😅

Joel picked him up in his car - at another address, Aleksi wasn’t ready to reveal where he lived in case this went totally wrong, and he didn’t want Joel to discover the part of town he resided in - and took him out to dinner  - after asking what his favourite food was and choosing the restaurant after it, which ended in Aleksi teaching him how to use the chopsticks, which was a helpless case really and in the end Joel used to them for his bun instead, Aleksi snapping a nice picture of the moment - and then they went for a walk in the park because neither of them wanted to part just yet and Aleksi learned a bit more about Joel’s life though he noticed how he was holding back certain information, but it wasn’t like he was doing anything different, and then they somehow ended up in a club, dancing wildly to the electronic music till the sun was almost coming up, and Aleksi found it difficult to look away from Joel whose eyes were already fixed on him with an unreadable expression.

My favourite passage is with Joel because it’s the turning point for Aleksi in two ways: He gets to discover love and gains a wonderful person in his life, but it’s also the beginning of an end kind of because not long after meeting Joel (and you can kind of say because of meeting Joel although you could argue that it may have happened either way) Petri kidnaps him and you know…

But this absolutely unnecessarily huge sentence is my favourite throughout the whole fic. I just tried to capture everything in this one paragraph, how much fun they’re having and already establishing how they’re together.

That Joel of course picks up Aleksi like a gentleman, lets him decide on the restaurant despite not being familiar with Asian food and culture but not minding at all, that they both immediately clicked with each other and didn’t want to part after an hour already.

But also that they’re both not instantly telling the other everything about their uncommon lives (who does that on a first date anyway) but like imagine Joel going: Oh yeah, I work for the mafia, hope that’s not a deal breaker.😬

When Aleksi laid underneath him in Joel’s bed Aleksi recognized what it was. Love, care, and tenderness. Never before did he feel so much passion while someone slept with him and if he would have to describe it he would call it making love because Joel made him feel so appreciated and loved that it was entirely different to all the other sexual experiences Aleksi had so far.

Joel was so gentle with him that Aleksi wanted to cry. His hands caressing him weren’t tightly squeezing or slapping his ass for his own pleasure, he was always observant to Aleksi’s needs. He was so polite and soft, slow and careful, Aleksi had never felt better, and he was treasuring this moment so much he wished to never forget it.

Here I wanted to emphazise on the fact how different sleeping with any of the other people in his past was and with Joel. That the connection between them makes it so much better, how caring Joel is and that Aleksi is actually enjoying it for once. It’s not an act he’s putting on, but he wants it with Joel.

Joel is observant and nice to him, wants him to feel good and isn’t concentrated on his own pleasure. After Robin that’s certainly new for Aleksi and he gets overwhelmed with the experience because it just seems to be too good, where’s the catch, right? But nevertheless, he will treasure this evening forever even if it turns sour one day with them.

And when one tear eventually made its way down his cheek, Joel kissed it away and hugged him closer to his chest and mumbled sweet words into his neck. This time Aleksi didn’t want to turn his head away, he wanted to hear every word and every moan coming from Joel. Every name he called him in affection and in return Aleksi surrendered to him fully, not holding back with his own pleasure.

Not going to lie, writing this made me a little emotional because I put Aleksi through so much before and I hope you felt it too that this time it’s different. That the focus is on Aleksi and not on the other person he has to please.

Later when he was laying in Joel’s arms, both catching their breaths, Aleksi realized this was what he had been missing. 

Fortunately Joel seemed to see it much the same and it didn’t stop at this one date. Sometimes Joel wasn’t in the city, away on some business trip as he called it, but he was calling him regularly, and he was the first one to listen to him, letting him speak instead of talking over his words.

Another thing where Joel is completely different to Petri, he’s actually interested to hear Aleksi’s opinions, hear about his day and just everything Aleksi has to say, not interrupting him or shutting him up. He wants to make sure Aleksi sees that Joel is interested and even when he’s away he makes time to call and write him. I did that several times, showing off the differences between Petri and Joel although it’s already obvious who the bad guy is and who the good guy.

At first it had all appeared too perfect for Aleksi, and he was just waiting for the verdict, for Joel saying it was over. But it never came, and Aleksi’s routine quickly added weekly meet ups with Joel, both of them searching for time in their schedules to accommodate the other. 

By now Joel also had found out where Aleksi really lived and even though he hated it and told him constantly there was nothing to change about. But he made sure to pick Aleksi up and let him sleep over at his as often as possible. His bed was bigger and the flat generally more comfortable and Aleksi enjoyed it when Joel drove him to work the next day, giving him a peck on the lips before he got out of the car.

Now here we have a picture-perfect relationship. Everything’s going well, they’re dating, they see each other every few days, Aleksi’s basically living at Joel’s already, they love each other. I think when you know what happens later on it just hurts the more because you know this won’t stay like this. They will still have their love but there will be a lot of pain to come. And you want them to be happy of course but damn will it hurt first when you know it could have stayed like this.

But every good thing had to come to an end he thought one evening when he decided to tell Joel the truth about himself, who he really was. A basic whore who had done things for money he rather did not want to tell anybody about. But Joel had only shushed him at his words, saying they weren’t true, that Aleksi was anything but a worthless slut or any useless being. 

I think it’s very brave of Aleksi to tell Joel. He thinks he has done something unspeakable as if that made him a bad person or ruined him and it’s mainly because of his incredibly low self-worth, so for him telling Joel when he thinks it may end in Joel breaking up with him, that’s not easy. And it adds to Joel’s character that he’s not ‘forgiving’ Aleksi but assuring him that he’s fine, he’s done nothing bad, and does his best as usual to rebuild his confidence.

Noticeably unbothered by Aleksi’s past Joel had taken him into his arms and told him that he loved him, and he didn’t care what Aleksi had done to survive. 

He had seen that side of the business, knew how hard it was to get out of it. And as much as he hated that Aleksi had to do it, he didn’t hate Aleksi for doing it. It was the circumstances that had driven Aleksi to it and Joel promised to do everything he could to make it better and make sure he would never have to go back to it. 

I don’t know how the author of the original work imagined it because mafias operate in different fields and maybe this one solely deals with weapons, but I thought it could also be that they have some strip clubs under control or parts of the city that deal with prostitution and so Joel has seen how it affects people, how the business works against the people getting used. He’s feeling even more sorry for Aleksi then that he had no other way but to do that, but he definitely hates the system more than that Aleksi searched for ways to live.

A small part in Aleksi screamed that it was exactly what Lauri had said in the beginning. That he would have a better life now.

But the difference between Lauri and Joel was that Joel stuck to his promises and never lied to his face. In return Aleksi was completely honest with him too and he had to admit that he felt better, lighter, after confessing to his doings even though it hurt him to see the pain in Joel’s eyes and he apologized over and over while Joel stroked his hair and kissed his cheek, doing his best to calm Aleksi. 

It was the same night that Joel told him about his family while it was dark around them as they lay in bed. But Aleksi could see the glistening blue eyes before him and held Joel’s hand through his story, that hurt him just as much as talking about his own.

Joel saw how honest Aleksi was with him and decided it was time to talk more about himself as well. Aleksi already knew what Joel was up to, so he wasn’t shocked, and Joel never wanted to be a part of this game anyways, he’s not enjoying it really, he’s in survival mode just like Aleksi is.

Aleksi never had a real family and so does Joel because while he has a father and brothers, they’re definitely not acting like a healthy family which I think leads to Aleksi and Joel clinging to each other even tighter.

And I love how open they can be with the other. Joel has a friend in Olli, but he can only go so far to help Joel, and Aleksi has taken his distance from Robin, so they both don’t really have someone to confess to how they’re doing which makes it so important that they’re honest in their relationship.

It seemed like they had drifted together like fate had tied them, two lonely souls struggling to find their place.

Do I need to say more? That’s just how I perceive these two. It just feels like their lives have started after they found each other, that they found happiness within each other despite their circumstances. That they found a place in the other after searching for so long and just drifting along. I could go on about Joel and Aleksi in this universe because they’re just so perfect for each other, I wanna cry.😭