#How To Get My Ex Back After 8 Months Eye-Opening Ideas

[nathanbatemanfucker]

Light On

summary: when you reach out to joaquin waving the white flag, you realize how broken he's been.

pairing: touch starved!joaquin torres x ex!f!reader

contents: exes to lovers, food and alcohol mention, angst, canon typical trauma/trauma responses, get back together fic, kissing

wc: 1,988

an: i combined my idea for touched starved!joaquin with this request about yearning. sorry it took so long anon and i hope you like it <3

danny ramirez characters masterlist

He’s late to the housewarming. Not by much, but enough that he has to squeeze through a half-shut gate and slip past a crowd already buzzing with drinks and music. His shoulders still feel tight from the last mission—three cities, too many close calls, and not enough sleep. He almost didn’t come.

But when he saw your name at the top of the invite sent only to him, group chat, no passive-aggressive message he could say no to you. 

It read simple and gave him a glimmer of hope:

I hope you can come. it’s not a trap. peace offering. 

He doesn’t deserve the invite or your kindness, not after how he’d withdrawn so abruptly 8 months ago. He thought ending things before he could truly disappoint you or worse— scare you with one of his missions was the right thing to do. But now he can’t convince himself that this invite isn’t some sort of chance to at least make things right. Better.

Inside, the lights are warm, soft, glowing off glasses and muted green walls. There’s someone laughing in the kitchen, someone singing too loud on the patio. He catches a glimpse of you through the open door—perched on the porch bench, the setting sun’s rays on your cheeks, telling a story with your hands. 

Joaquin’s heart stutters.

 Just the sight of you makes him feel like it’s been an eternity. He hadn’t forgotten how beautiful you are but clearly he had let the weight of it slip away to protect himself. 

You look up, like you feel him before you even see him. And when your eyes meet, something in his chest aches. That’s all it takes for everything he’s been trying to outrun to come flooding back. 

How safe and understood he felt when the two of you did nothing but lay under the clouds. How warm his heart got at the sound of your laughter. How easy it was until he got into his head about being right for you. 

You smile at him. 

It’s not the same smile as before, but it’s not cold either. Cautious and familiar, but no less warm. Because you’re happy to see Joaquin, but now in the face of him you’re afraid everything you’ve worked for will come crumbling down. 

“Hey,” you say softly, walking inside from the deck toward him with a drink in hand. Your voice is light but not performative as you try to play it cool. “Llegaste.”

He nods. “Yeah. I couldn’t—yeah.”

You don’t hesitate. You step right up to him and wrap up your arms around his middle. It’s causal, natural and despite your past, you don’t even think about the possible impacts. 

The simplicity of it all hits him like a wave.

He stiffens for just a second, like he wasn’t expecting it. Like he’s forgotten what it feels like to be touched gently, without purpose or urgency. Or violence. Then his arms come up slowly, almost uncertainly, and he lets himself hold you—just enough so that it’s not awkward. Not enough for everything he wants.

One of your hands slides up his back once, rubbing tenderly. It’s a tiny gesture but he swears he could cry.

“Estas bien?” you ask, pulling back just enough to look at him.

He nods again, softer this time. “Ahora sí.”

You try not to show that his words affect you, simply giving him the best smile you can before untangling yourself from him. Gesturing for him to follow you, you make your way into the kitchen fishing out a beer and handing it to him. “Here.”

He takes it, fingers brushing yours, and his grip tightens on the bottle like it’s an anchor. “Thanks.”

Later, after a few brief hellos and introductions, you sit beside each other on the porch. He’s barely touched his beer but neither of you have noticed. 

There’s easy conversation on your part, starting with how you found the house and decided it was the one you wanted. You tell him about the chaos in the kitchen earlier tonight, a spilled pitcher of sangria. About the neighbor who brought way too many folding chairs.

He barely says anything, he simply listens. Listens like he’s afraid he’ll miss something if he blinks, like he’ll wake up from a dream. 

He watches the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh. The way your knee bounces when you’re excited. The way you don’t flinch being this close to him, how you lean closer. You aren’t afraid to touch him, a nudge of shoulders here, a brush of his knee there when you say something funny.

 It seems like it comes easy to you and god, has he  missed this.

“I miss this,” he says quietly, gaze fixed on the beer bottle in his hands. Then, after a breath: “I miss… you.”

There’s several beats of silence. He doesn’t have the heart to look up at you, to see the surprise on your face.

You look at him, cheeks warm, stomach twisting with anticipation. You hadn’t expected him to say something like that when he was the one that ended things the way he did. 

When you speak again your voice is quiet but firm. “Not here.”

Even then, you touch his knee—just a brush of your fingers—but it feels like a jolt. He follows you without thinking.

You lead him down the back steps, past string lights and potted herbs, to the edge of the backyard. There’s a small pond there, still and starting to glow under the emerging moon. 

You’re a ways away from everyone else. It feels like you're a world away, a veil falling between you and Joaquin and the world. Everything else is muffled, distorted. It’s just the two of you. 

You turn to face him, your eyes guarded. “I miss you too,” you say. “I never stopped wanting this. You were the one that…”

His chest tightens, but before he can reach for you, you add—gentle, but unwavering:

“But, I’m not doing that again. I’m not getting close just to watch you disappear when things get hard. If you want me—really want me—then you have to stay. You have to try.”

He swallows hard, the words sitting heavy between you.

You can see, nearly hear the gears turning in his head. There’s conflict, something soft and something so scared in his eyes as he lets your words sink in. You step forward then, and when your arms wrap around his shoulders, he goes completely still. There’s a breath he doesn’t take. A flicker of disbelief in his eyes. Like your touch might vanish if he moves too fast.

This time you notice.

��Què te pasa? Hmm, baby bird?” You ask tenderly and it breaks something open in him. 

Slowly, shakily, he lets go of the tension. He leans in—into you—and his arms finally wrap around your waist. His hold isn’t tight, but you can feel the starved urgency in his fingertips. 

His face presses into your shoulder, and the sound he makes is quiet, but wrecked. A broken exhale like it’s the first breath he’s taken in weeks.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, voice cracking. “I thought I was doing right by you. Letting you go. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

You hold him tighter, and his grip flinches like he’s not used to being held back.

“I know,” you say softly, your hand tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck. He shudders under your touch and your heart squeezes again. “I know, baby,” you assure him gently.

You brush your lips against his temple, and he tenses just slightly at the contact—like it overwhelms him. His breath hitches, grip tightening around your hips like he’s afraid to let go now that he’s here in your arms.

“Next time,” you murmur, fingers sliding further into his hair, “you just talk to me.”

He nods into you, arms wrapping so tight around you, holding on like this might all slip away.

You stay like that for a while. Wrapped up in each other, warm and quiet. Until the party noise fades into background hum and there’s only moonlight and the hush of the pond.

Eventually, you both sit in the grass, your shoulders brushing. He finally starts to talk to you, to tell you everything he’s endured. Why he pulled away and what plagues him now; months apart and they’re still the same thing.  

He talked about the missions. The pressure. The exhaustion.

About how he didn’t know the full effect of what it was doing to him until he stepped back into your orbit and felt seen again.

Your fingers drift over his hand as he speaks. When he falters, you gently trace one of the faint scars on his knuckles. He goes completely still at the contact—like even that touch is more kindness than he’s used to.

“You have to take better care of yourself,” you say with a half-smile, nudging him gently. “Or I’m calling Sam.”

That finally earns a real laugh—small, tired, but real.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I would,” you tease. “I’d guilt him into dragging your ass back here for a proper nap and a shower.”

He nudges your knee with his, smiling. You both fall quiet; it’s comfortable.The pond glows beside them. The world slows down.

And for the first time in a long time, he doesn’t feel like he’s on borrowed time.

He just feels… held. Seen and understood. Like he’s home, in a way that matters.

—

Later that night, after most of the guests have left and the house is dim and quiet, he helps you carry in the empty bottles and leftover snacks. The porch lights hum low behind them, and the kitchen smells faintly like lime and basil and whatever candle someone brought as a gift.

You’re both barefoot now, toes brushing the tile. He hands you the last bowl and leans against the counter like he doesn’t want to leave.

You sense it immediately, glancing over at him. “You okay?”

He nods. “Yeah. I just… don’t want this to end.”

A smile tugs at your mouth. You step closer, fingers brushing his wrist, and this time he leans into the touch like he needs it to breathe.

“So don’t let it,” you murmur. “Don’t push me away again.”

He swallows. “Would it be too fast if I said I want to see you tomorrow?”

You smile deepens. “Are you asking me on a date, Lieutenant?”

Joaquin grins, soft and sheepish. He finally looks like himself. “Yeah, I am.”

“Well then,” you say, stepping in and tilting your chin up, “you better kiss me goodnight properly.”

You don’t give him time to overthink it. You press your lips to his—soft and warm, lingering just enough to make his breath catch. He kisses you back like he’s still afraid he’ll mess this up, but you thread your fingers through his and holds him close.

When you pull back, he exhales shakily.

You tap your fingers lightly against his chest. “Pick me up at seven. And wear something that says ‘I’ve stopped being emotionally unavailable.’”

He throws his head back with laughter, then groans like that’s going to be a real task. “That narrows my wardrobe down to, like, one shirt.”

Gripping his shirt playfully, you pull him a little closer. “Then wear it.”

Somewhere between getting home and putting his phone on the charger, Joaquin sees the text from Sam. Seems you had followed up on your threat to tell Sam about tonight. 

Sam: I heard you finally stopped being stupid.

Joaquin stares at it for a second before the typing bubble pops up again.

Sam:Bout damn time. You owe me twenty bucks. And a six-pack.

He shakes his head, smiling down at the screen. His reply is simple:

Worth it.

And when he turns off the light and sinks into bed, his heart is full.

let me know if you'd like to be on sfw joaquin torres taglist!

sfw joaquin taglist: @magikdarkholme, @plan3t-plut0, @mewmew222, @linnygirl09, @ezhz444, @karmaswitch, @badbishsblog, @glader13, @how2besalty, @happypopcornprincess, @hiireadstuffsometimes, @lisiliely, @spider-steve, @nolita-fairytale, @hrlzy, @faretheeoscar, @giuliahowlett, @abriefnirvana, @fanboyswhore9 , @sidkneeeee, @sophreakingfunny, @heartbreakgirlism, @peachyxlynch, @lomlbuckybarnes, @a-randomscrub, @ajcs150, @glimodejun, @isuckatmath, @arsonhotchner, @sidkneeeee, @galaxywannabe, @retrosabers, @marchingicenotes7, @marroonwitch, @jaebugzz, @that-girl-named-alex, @bxtchboy69, @mischiefmanaged71, @something-random-idk, @dualinstinct, @alevanswrites, @articel1967, @lanoviadestiles, @zolassalgorhythm, @peacefangirl, @blackwomanchronicles

[justwhisperingfantasies]

Girl at the rock show

Characters: Jensen Ackles (xreader). Steve Carlson. Mentions of other bandmates. Made up bffs.

Warnings: Language, Fluff, Drinking, Ended abusive/controlling relationship. Let me know if I forgot any.

Summary: You move to Austin, Texas after you caught your controlling ex-boyfriend with another girl. Your best friend drags you out to a live show on your first night there.

Word count: 5.901 words

A/N: I'm kinda nervous about this one. My first Jensen fic. Hope ya'll enjoy it. 💗

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“Come on, We can’t be late." Mac Yelled from the front door. 

“I'm coming” You yelled back, shoving your I.D. and debit card in your pocket. You took one last look in the mirror above your new dresser. Not too shabby you thought to yourself and walked out your bedroom door. 

Mac let out a whistle as you walked toward her. 

You rolled your eyes. “Calm down, it's a flannel and some jeans.” 

“Um, a tight pair of jeans that hugs those hot curves and an unbuttoned flannel, yes you have an undershirt on,” she said when you opened your mouth to rebuttal. “But the girls still look nice.” 

“Do we really have to go out my first night here? I just got off a plane 5 hours ago,” you said as she hurried you out the door. 

“Yes. One I have been wanting you to check out this band and they don’t play many live gigs. Two. You need fun right now. And ya know what they say is the best way to get over someone.”

“Mackinley Jane! I’m not interested in finding anyone right now,” you said approaching the opposite side of the Uber backseat as her.

“(y/n) I’m not saying go off and get married. I’m saying a night of fun won’t kill you.” she winked. You both plopped in the back seat. She gave the driver the address of the bar. “It's been 3 months and not to be harsh, but do you really think he’s sitting home alone crying over you right now?” her words stung a little. He was probably with the girl you found him with. Or out finding a new one to control. You still couldn't believe you wasted 5 years on that asshole. 

“You’re right. But I highly doubt my night will end under someone new. “ you said the last part in a mocking tone. 

“Just promise that if someone does catch your eye you will give them a chance.”

“No promises, but I will try.”

“I’ll take it.” It was only an 8-minute drive from the apartment to the bar. It took about 10 minutes with traffic. “ You can just drop us on this side street. Thank you.” Mac said handing the driver some cash. You got out and walked around the car meeting her as she got out. 

“I thought you said this band wasn’t that big. Look at this place.” You said as put your arm in hers walking to the back of the line. 

“Well they aren’t selling out the garden, but one of the lead singers is Jensen Ackles.” You gave her a puzzled look. She put her palm to her forehead. “The guy from supernatural? “ Your face didn't change “Big Sky?” You shook your head “The boys? Tracker?”

“Just got out of a 5-year relationship with a controlling douchebag remember?” 

“You haven’t seen pictures or anything?” She whipped her phone out and started googling, 

“Mac! (y/n)!!” you looked up as you heard the familiar voice yell your name. It was Zoey. Mac’s ex-room-mate. She just bought a house and moved out of the apartment. That's what sparked this whole move to a new city idea. Mac put her phone back in her pocket and hugged Zoey. 

“Damn (y/n) you look good,” Zoey said hugging you. “Is this what happens when you drop 200 lbs of loser?” you chuckled. 

“Have you looked in the mirror, Ms little black dress?” you said hugging her back. 

Mac cleared her throat and did a little hair flip with her blonde curls. “Mac you know you always look good my dear,” Zoey remarked. “I’ll meet you guys in there. I don’t wana ditch.” There was only one guy behind you and he insisted Zoey stay where she was. 

You guys got up to the door and you could hear the music. “How much time do we have before they go on?” Mac asked. 

“About 30 minutes,” Zoey said looking at her watch. 

You made your way into the bar. It was a lot bigger than what it looked from the outside. The was a bar on the wall to the right. A decent-sized stage on the wall to the left and a big dance floor between you and the stage. Straight ahead there was a joined room with pool tables. Mac noticed you looking at the tables. “ I don't think we have enough time for a game right now, but after the show?”

“Sure.” It had been so long since you played you probably sucked at it now. James wouldn’t play with you. He said you cheated so there was no point. 

“Come on let’s start drinking,” Mac said as she grabbed your and Zoey’s hands and headed for the bar. 

“Start?” you heard Zoey say. 

Mac handed the bartender her card and started a tab. She turned to you.” Don’t give me that look, we can split it or you guys can pay me back tomorrow. Bud light bottle?” You nodded. “Of course.” she winked. She handed Zoey her drink then you, your beer. Her eyes had been scanning the room since you walked in. 

“Who are you looking for?” You asked her. 

“ The band has been known to have a drink at the bar before their shows. Just thought we’d get lucky.” You rolled your eyes turning to see if there was a table open. 

“Mac there’s a table open come on.” she grabbed her drink and the girls followed you. You made small talk and gossiped waiting for the show to start. You downed the last of your beer. You must have been nervous or something because you finished way before your friends. “I'm gonna go grab another beer,” you said standing.

“Hurry up. They are about to start.” Mac yelled as you walked away.

You made your way up to the bar and stood there waiting for your turn. The bartenders were slammed. 

You leaned against the bar as you ordered. Waiting on your drink your eyes wandered to the left side of the bar, finding the deepest mossy green eyes you had ever seen looking back at you. He was gorgeous with his shaggy brown hair and trimmed beard. Cut off shirt showing off his muscles and tattoos He gave you a flirty nod and you felt your cheeks get warm. Just then someone walked up beside you.

“Hey there beautiful, can I buy you a drink?” the guy was cute, but you had no interest after seeing green eyes across the bar. 

“No thank you..” you kept it short hoping he would take the hint. You looked over at green eyes. He was watching the two of you curiously. 

“Oh come on sweetheart.” 

“Again no.  I'm not interested.” green eyes could tell you were uncomfortable so he made his way over to you. 

The man couldn't take the hint and put his hand on yours. “ Not interested?”

“Yep, that's what she said. Why don't you get your drink and move along.” his voice was deep and angelic. 

“ I am so sorry!” he grabbed his drink and rushed off. Was he really that scared? It's not like green eyes had threatened his life or anything.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”  He smiled. You could feel the butterflies in your stomach stir up. “So you ready for the show?” 

Yeah. I guess so. To be honest I don’t really know the band. My friend dragged me here tonight.” He raised an eyebrow. “ She thinks they’re really good. Although she's just obsessed with one of the lead singers” You took a drink and told yourself to shut up. 

He flashed a smile and leaned just slightly closer to you. The butterflies got bigger. “She must have good taste.” He chuckled. 

Just then the band members came out on stage. Everyone went crazy. One of the guys walked up to 1 of the 2 mics center stage. “Jensen, gonna need you to come to the stage there buddy.” 

“Missing one of the lead singers already.” He said laughing with the crowd. 

“Yea he's probably in the back with a groupie,” you chuckled. 

“Or flirting with a smoking hot babe.” he laughed louder. “I gotta go, but find me after the show okay?” 

You heard Mac's lecture again in your head. You nodded. He smiled and started walking toward the dance floor. You could definitely have a fun night with him or many fun nights... 

You started walking back to the table you froze in place and your jaw hit the floor as he climbed onto the stage. What. The. Fuck.

Green eyes stood at the open center mic. “Alright, Steve I’m here. How’s everyone doing tonight?” The crowd cheered. They introduced themselves and started playing. 

“Mac, who is that guy?” you pointed at him. 

“Babe, that is Jensen Ackles.”

“Like Thee Jensen ackles?” you asked dumbfounded. 

“Yes, Do you wana to find a closer spot with us?” She said looking at you. “What’s with you?”

“Yeah, sure.” you grabbed your beer and explained what just happened to her on the way. “But I’m sure he was just being nice. He saw how uncomfortable the other guy made me and helped a girl out right.”

They continued playing. And they were good. Like really good. It should not be humanly possible to be that damn good-looking and have a voice like that. But there he was. 

“I don’t know. He said to find him after the show. Why say that if he didn't mean it?” she said not taking he eyes away from the stage. 

You rolled your eyes. “He was just being nice, We can stick around and play some pool, but I am not getting my hopes up.”

“Whatever you say.” she swayed and grabbed you making you sway with her. 

“Plus isn’t he married?” 

“Why do you care you're not getting your hopes up?” She smiled and raised her eyebrows. “But they got a divorce a little over a year ago.” 

“I don’t and I’m not.” She gave you a yeah-right look and started spinning you around. Zoey was being spun around too by a hot guy with tattoos and a fohawk. She did like her bad boys. 

The song ended. “ Man, we are burning through them tonight huh? We only have 4 songs left?” Jensen said to Steve. 

“What are you talking about we aren’t even halfway through.”

“Look.” Jensen pointed to his monitor. Steve stepped closer, tapped it a couple of times, and then they both started laughing. “Whoops I skipped ahead a little bit.”

“A little bit?” Steve asked taking off his guitar. “You good?”

Jensen chuckled. “Yeah. This one’s called Forever Ain’t Long.”

The crowd cheered. Mac put her arm around you and you leaned your head against hers. “Are you having fun?” she asked.  You nodded. “Good!”

“Take me to heaven or wherever you're from…” Jensen and Steve started singing as he looked in your direction. Your heart melted in your chest. Oh crap so much for not getting your hopes up…

They played for a good while. “I think we are going to invite someone back up to the stage,” Jensen said 

“We are?” Steve asked. 

“Yeah look.” Jensen pointed to his monitor again, 

“Haha oh yeah.”

“I'm gonna take a break guys, get a drink, maybe towel off. But I’d love to invite Mr Santana Roos back to the stage and play trumpet for ya’ll.” He walked off the stage.

The band continued playing. Steve had a great voice too. Moments later you felt a hand on the small of your back. You turned with your hand in a fist and saw those piercing green eyes. You dropped your hand and he dropped his. “Sorry didn’t mean to startle you.” You heard two gasps coming from behind you. He chuckled. “Hello, ladies.” He said as he looked at Mac and Zoey. They giggled.

“This is Mack. “ Mack put her hand out as you pointed. Jensen shook it. “And this is Zoey.” She put her hand out and shook his. They giggled again. You rolled your eyes and apologized.

“It’s alright,” he said chuckling. He put his hand out to you “ And your name is?”

“(y/n)” You took his hand in yours, electricity flowing up your arm as you touched his skin. 

“Jensen.”

“Well obviously. And you let me ramble on about not knowing the band.” your hand is still in his. 

He chuckled. “It was cute.” Cute? You thought, The butterflies stirring again. “You wanna get a drink?”

You nodded and you told Mac you’d be right back. He twisted your hand and laced his fingers through yours. The butterflies got bigger. Walking through the crowd everyone was taking pictures and he stopped to snap a selfie with a couple of them, but he never let go of your hand. You guys made your way back to the bar. “Bud light Bottle?”

“Yes, please.” He got your drinks and you two walked over to the side of the bar. 

“You enjoying the show?” he asked then took a drink. 

“Eh, They are ok I guess. “

“Ok you guess?” he said smiling. Then took another drink.

“The trumpet player is kinda hot.” He threw his head back and laughed.  

“I can give you his number if you want.” He winked. 

“No thanks. I got my eye on someone else” you winked back. You could swear his cheeks got pink. 

“I gotta get back up there. You still wanna hang out after?”

“I’ll be around.”

“Looking forward to it.” He took your hand and walked you back up to Mac.

“Giirrrrrl!!!” Mac said after he walked away. 

“Shut up.” You said as you started to sway again with her. The song stopped and Jensen came back out on the stage. 

“Hey Steve, “ He said as he returned to the mic. “ I asked a pretty lady if she was enjoying the show.” your cheeks got hot “ Ya know what she said?”

“Hopefully she said yeah.” Steve chuckled. 

“She said Eh the bands ok I guess.” Steve gave him a come-on look. “I know, What do you say we kick it up a notch and do drowning?” The crowd lost their minds as Steve started playing it. 

Mac looked at you” ok you guess?!”

You opened your mouth to respond, but your attention snapped to Jensen as he started singing. He was looking you dead in the eyes. Everything and Everyone just drifted away. “Let’s keep it going with the sound of someday.” He looked at Steve and then back at you. The crowd screamed even louder. Again you were entranced. 

“Well buddy since you are on a roll,” Steve said as he started playing another song. The crowd cheered again. You felt kind of jealous you didn't know any of the songs. 

“She wants to know the name of the games he plays..” He was looking at you again. 

Mac leaned into your ear. “How’s those hopes doing?”

“He wants the names of the players in the game to change..”

“Not as low as I want them to be.” You confessed. 

“He's young in years but wise in wonderful ways…”

“One night of fun?” She asked raising her eyebrows. 

“Her faith in love is better on sunny days…”

“We’ll see. Now shush” She smiled but stayed silent. 

The audience cheered again once the song ended. 

Steve looked at Jensen smiling. “Are you done showing off now, Jay?”

“Not even close,” Jensen said chuckling. 

They played for a while more, and then they finished up. Everyone started yelling encore. Steve and Jensen came back out. They played an acoustic song together, and then the whole band came back out and played another. The crowd cheered, and eventually, everyone calmed down and started clearing out. 

“So, you going to find him?”Mack asked you

“No. We are gonna play some pool. I told him I’d be around.” you tried to play it cool, but your nerves were going wild. “I’ll go get us a pitcher and you guys go get a table.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Zoey said. The two of them headed for the pool table room. You made your way up to the bar. You ordered a pitcher and asked for some glasses. You held out your bank card to the bartender. “Uh, Mr Ackles said that all of your drinks were on him tonight.” Really?! No way that was happening you thought. 

“Here just charge it to my card. I’ll deal with Mr Ackles later.”

She ran your card and then gave it back to you. “Here ya go,” she said sliding the tray with the pitcher and some glasses on it. 

“Thank you,” you said taking it and she nodded.

You made your way over to the table in the back where Zoey was ranking up the balls. You sat the tray down and started pouring a beer in three glasses. “You guys wanna play cutthroat?”

“Hm.. Or Mac and I vs you,” Zoey said as she finished the rack. 

“How is that far?” you argued handing her a beer. 

“Oh come on we could get a third and you’d still probably win,” Mac said taking the glass you were handing out to her. 

“Fine, but I break.”

You lined up the shot after picking out your cue and chalking the end of it. You sank the 6 and the 15. You around walking over to your next shot. Your heart sank a little when you didn't see Jensen or any of his bandmates around. Not getting my hopes up you thought to yourself. There was a good shot for the 12 ball so you took it. Then you walked around the table not letting yourself look anywhere else you to your next shot. You missed. Mac managed to get 2 of their balls in before missing. You put another 2 balls in. You went to take your next shot when a commotion at the bar ruined your concentration and you missed. 

“Damnit,” you said as you looked out to the bar. Your heart fluttered when you saw him. He was talking to the bartender. She pointed in your direction and he turned. He smiled as his eyes found you.

“Calm down, you're still winning,” Zoey said walking over to the cue ball.  You walked over to the table and took a drink of your beer. 

“Really?” she said as she picked up her glass. 

“What?”

“I see you.” you squinted your eyes at her. Zoey got one ball in but missed the second shot “You're up.”

You took a deep breath and headed back over to the table. You weren't sure if you were gonna be able to focus on the game right now. Somehow you managed to get a ball in. You let yourself look up as you walked around to your next shot. He was still at the bar, the band happily taking selfies with fans. How sweet you thought. You tried to focus on your shot. 

“See I freaking told you !” Mac said as you put another ball in. “ 2 vs 1 and I still can’t beat you!” you laughed. 

You put your last ball in but missed on the 8. Mac passed you on your way to the high top with a smile on her face. She looked at you then behind you. You turned around and Jensen was headed your way with a big grin on his face. You couldn't help but smile back. He was holding a try with 2 pitchers full of beer. Steve was behind him with glasses in his hand. Three other bandmates followed they also had a pitcher and glasses. They walked over to the open pool table beside yours. 

“Hey, sorry it took forever. We had to go over some things and fans. I have a hard time telling them no.” he said as he sat down the pitchers.

You clicked your tongue. “ I guess I'll give you a pass this time, Ackles.” You said smiling. He smiled back and swirled his body in Steve’s direction. 

“This is Steve. Steve this is (y/n)” 

Steve put his hand out and you shook it “ Ah the pretty lady that thinks we’re ok she guesses.” he smiled. You chuckled. 

You felt Mac behind you. “This is Mac “ You turned and they shook hands. “That’s Zoey.” she got a ball in and came around to shake Steve's hand. 

“Cutthroat?” he asked. 

“No, they combined forces to try to take me down,” you explained. 

Zoey missed her shot. “And we are still going to lose.”

You walked over and called your shot. Everyone was watching which made you nervous, but you still got the ball in. 

Zoey walked over to the table and poured herself another beer. “Damn, I hate this game.” She took a drink. “ You guys can have it.” She made her way over to the other bandmates. 

“Wanna play doubles?” Jensen asked taking a drink. 

“2 conditions.” Mac said “ You rack and I get (y/n)”

“Deal.” Jensen got the rack out and started putting balls in. Steve started walking to the shelves where the cues were “ Hey, grab me one please?” Steve nodded. 

“You break,” you said to Mac as she checked out Jensen who was bent over the pool table getting the balls.  

“Only if you break that,” she said raising her eyebrows. 

“Mackinley.” She rolled her eyes and went to the head of the pool table. You walked over to the high-top table and took a drink. 

Steve walked back holding only one stick. “Uh, sorry Jay this was the last one.” Jensen turned to you and stuck his lip out walking over to you. Then stood beside you still looking at you with his lip still out.  

You sighed “I guess I can share.” 

He chuckled. “How nice of you” matching your playful attitude as he nudged your arm. You smiled. “So I take it you're kind of good at this game?” he asked. 

“Eh, I'm alright.” 

“Alright, you boys ready to lose?” Mac said as she leaned over and broke the rack. Everyone laughed. It was a good break, but no balls went in. Jensen gestured for Steve to go.

“That's what happens when you talk shit,” Steve said, lining up his shot and sinking the 6 ball in. 

You turned to sit your beer down and leaned toward Jensen as he took a drink “Well I guess you got small balls, bud.” He choked on his drink. You laughed and turned back around. Steve missed his shot. “Guess I’m up,” you said and walked over to take your shot.

“You good?” Steve asked, picking up his beer. 

“Yep, just heard something I wasn't expecting.” Steve raised his eyebrows and Jensen told him the joke you told. 

“Damn, she’s spunky huh?” Steve said laughing. 

“She’s somethin’.”Jensen smiling at you as you got a ball in. 

You got 3 more balls in. AC/DC You shook me at night long came on the radio overhead. You started tapping your foot and mouthing the words as you took your next shot. You missed. “Damnit.”

“ You done?” Jensen asked as he put his hand out for the cue. You scrunched your nose and poked your tongue out at him then continued singing. He laughed. 

“I’m just getting warmed up, bud,” he laughed and you gave him the stick. You walked back over to the table. Mac and Steve were talking about the first album he and Jensen wrote.

“You wanna sit and take a break after all that?” Steve asked, smiling and pointing at his chair. 

“Ha, No I’m good.” You turned around in time to watch a ball go in. 

“I told you she was good,” Mac said.

You rolled your eyes. “I'm not that good.”

Jensen sank 3 more balls before Missing. 

“But it looks like she might have met her match.” She said winking at you as she passed Jensen. 

He furrowed his brows and tilted his head. He stood next to you so close you could almost feel his arm on yours. 

“Ignore her. Just talkin’ shit like always.” You said loud enough for her to hear making her laugh. 

Mac took her shot and got one ball, but missed the next shot. “Well, she didn't leave me anything to shoot at,” Steve said as he got up and looked around the table for a good shot. 

“That’s kind of the point.” you heard Mac say as she and Steve started bantering. He lined up for a jump shot. 

“Ohhh, Steve’s getting fancy.” You said in a silly tone causing him and Jensen to laugh.  

“So, she likes AC/DC, Bud Light, and she’s a pool shark who thinks radio company is Eh, ok.” Jensen said shrugging his shoulders which put a grin on your face “And hates supernatural.”

You put a finger up “ I never said that I hated it, I've just never watched it..”

“Explain to me.” He said He put his chin in between his thumb and index finger. Turning his head to look at you. “How do you have a best friend that's obsessed with the show yet you’ve never seen it?” 

“Well, There was a.. a complication,” He stopped with the playfulness and looked in your eyes. “ but it’s gone now. Plus I did just move to Texas. We talked all the time. Living in different states didn't take a huge toll on our friendship, but we didn't talk about TV or media much.” Steve missed his shot. “And this is where it ends, bud.” You reached for the cue he was holding. 

“Oh really?” He said putting the stick in his other hand. It was on the opposite side of you now.  “Why don’t we  make it a little more interesting then?”

“Ha, you got 5 grand on ya there pretty boy?” He let out a belly laugh and you swirled in front of him reaching for the stick. He extended his arm and leaned into your ear. 

“Actually, “ he whispered and your heart stopped as you felt his warm breath tickle your ear. “ I was thinking if we win I could get your number.” 

You don’t know where you found the courage maybe it was the four and a half beers you had. But you turned and whispered back in his ear. “And if we win?” 

You heard the small chuckle as his breath tickled again. “I’ll give you mine.” He stood back up smirking. You rolled your eyes and smiled at him. 

“Bet.” You stuck your hand out. He took it in his and shook it slowly, a smirk still on his face. He handed the stick you to. You took it and spun around. Focus on the game, Focus on the game you thought.  

“Wanna tell me what that was all about?” Mac asked quickly as she walked past you. You looked past her to Jensen. He had his back turned pouring another beer. Later you mouthed. She went to sit in the open chair at the high top. Chiming in on Steve and Jensen’s conversation. 

You sank the last 2 balls you and Mac had on the table. You didn't leave yourself a good shot for the 8 ball. There were 2 options. You weighted them for a couple of seconds. You went with one and called it. You stupidly looked up at Jensen who licked his lips and bit the bottom one. Your whole body went numb and you missed your shot. You put your forehead on your arm still leaning on the table and looked at the floor. 

“Took much beer there darlin’, “ Jensen asked approaching you. 

You raised your head squinting your eyes at him. “You know what you did!”

He gave a smirk. “I don’t know what you're talking about.”

You stood up and handed him the cue. “Cheater. You said and walked away. You heard him laugh, but you didn't look back. Two can play at that game Mr. Ackles you thought. You made your way back over to the high-top table and took a drink when you got there. Steve and Mac still sitting there, talking about the second album he and Jensen wrote. You nodded here and there, trying to listen for balls to go in. They were so enthralled in the conversation they didn't notice you inching a coaster toward the edge of the table. There’s one you said in your head. A minute later there’s the second. You knew he’d be going to the 8-ball now. You nudge the coaster off the table with your pinky. As you bent over to pick it up you hoped he’d be looking. You picked the coaster up and brought your top half back up slower than usage, but not too obvious. 

“Really Jay? How’d You miss that?” Steve stood up “ I’ll be right back. I got a song stuck in my head.” He headed for the jukebox. Jensen rolled his eyes and sighed walking up to the high top. 

“What?” Mac asked. 

“You wanna guess the song he’s gonna play? He does this to me every time we go out somewhere.” Mac giggled. And you stood there clueless. He turned to you. “ Well hi there kettle you’re black. Calling me a cheater.”

You gave him the same smirk he gave you earlier.” I don't know what you're talking about.” He smiled. Just then Carrying On My Wayward Son started playing. And you started singing it.

“Are you actually fucking kidding me right now?!” Jensens said looking at Mac gesturing to you with his hand. 

“What it’s a good song….” you said confused. 

“Please tell me ya’ll are fucking with me,”

“Sadly Jay we are not. She just likes the song.” Mac said as she got up to go take her shot. 

You started singing again and Jensen looked at you with bewilderment, “Can I help you?”

“This is the theme song of Supernatural” He shook his hands. 

You couldn’t help, but laugh. “ Ohh. It’s a good song.” He put his hand on his face and shook his head. You laughed again. 

Steve made his way back over. “Thanks, man,” Jensen said nodding at him.

“Yeah. No problem man.” Steve said grinning. 

Jensen turned back to “So back to the topic of Supernatural. It came on in 2005, Not to sound like an ass, but do you just not watch t.v or Netflix?

“2005? I was  Pre-Med. Not a lot of time for T.V.” you said and turned around to watch Mac miss the 8-ball shot. You closed your eyes. Game over, you knew Steve would probably make the last shot. 

“You’re a doctor?!” Jensen’s voice raised some.

“No.” you took another drink. He put his hands out palms up waiting for an explanation. “It’s a long story,” you said. He raised his eyebrows once and lowered his hands. Steve called the shot and made it. You turned back to the high top and started cleaning. Both pitchers were empty. “Wasn’t there 3 pitchers?”

“I gave the third one to the guys, I didn't know you ladies already got one.” He started to help you. 

You grabbed the empty pitchers and started walking. He followed you with the empty glasses. You guys handed the bartender the dishes. “Thanks, guys, Last Call?” she said taking them. Jensen looked at you.

“Come on, One more.” You looked over to Mac and Zoey who had made their way back to the pool room. Zoey was introducing the other bandmates to Mac. 

You sat on the stool in front of you. “ Ok Ackles, one more.” He nodded at the bartender and she got out 2 Bud Light bottles opened them and sat them in front of him. He handed you one and raised his for a cheers. You clinked the bottles and you both took a drink.

He sat down next to you and swirled in the chair to face you. 

“So This doctor story. Too long to share over a beer?”

“ Kind of “ Tonight was so fun, you didn't want to talk about all the depressing stuff. And that story was full of it. He nodded  “So Tell me about it over lunch tomorrow?”

Your cheeks got warm again. Just then Mac And Zoey Approached you guys. “Hey babes, we are gonna get one more with the band, k?” 

“Actually this groupie here is taking me on a tour of Austin tomorrow,” you said. 

“Oh did I not tell you? I can’t make it tomorrow. I’m sorry.” she winked at you and walked away. 

“Well apparently I’m free tomorrow,” you said raising your eyebrows and taking a drink. 

“Not anymore. Lunch? I can show you around after if you want.” 

“Eh, I guess.” you smiled. “I got nothing better do to.”

He laughed. “Do you always talk this much shit?” 

“Yep.” He chuckled again and took a drink. “So tell me about this Supernatural. Is it really worth all the hype?”

He smiled. “Why yes, yes it is. It’s about these two brothers.” He talked in a movie phone voice. 

You put your hand on his arm and laughed. “Trust me I’ve got the back of the DVD box description and more numerous times.” He laughed. 

“I don’t know how to answer that. Of course, I’m going to say it’s a great show, but I played Dean for 15 years. I have a love for his story that words can’t explain. He is part of me. I think you should at least give it a shot. It would definitely make Mac and Zoey super happy.”

You realized your hand was still on his arm and your cheeks turned pink as you drew it away leaning back. He must have noticed because he smirked and finished his beer. “ I might.”  you swished your beer only a drink or two left. 

The bartender came over the p.a. System announcing they were closing up in 5 minutes. You turned back to check on the girls. Everyone was getting up some more graceful than others. “Hey, I almost forgot. We made a bet.” He said as he stood up and slid his phone out of his pocket. He got it to the add new contact screen and handed it to you. You stood up and took it. 

“A bet is a bet,”  you said as you put your info in. 

Mac and Zoey passed you. “Uber’s outside (y/n) unless…”

You gave her a hard look. “I’m comin’”

“I’ll walk out with you.”

You guys made it outside and found your Uber. You pointed. He walked beside you so close your hands touched a couple times. You stopped when you got to the car and turned to him. He put his hand out “It was nice meeting you (y/n)”

“You too Jensen.” you took his hand. Stepping on your tip toes you leaned and kissed him on the cheek. He smiled the biggest smile of the night. You got in the car. He walked over and put his hand on the door. 

“Good night Mr Ackles. “ you said as you winked at him.

He shook his head and still smiling. “Good night Darlin.” He closed the door. 

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Part 2

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[collapsedglasshouses]

HEAVEN KNOWS I AIN'T GETTING OVER YOU || Joakim Karlsson x fem!Reader

picture found on pinterest

PAIRING: ex-husband!Jolly x fem!reader

SUMMARY: When Jolly visits you unannounced on a Tuesday night, you have no idea what it leads to.

WARNINGS: SMUT [oral sex, female receiving; unprotected p in v], possessive!jolly, ANGST, jolly and reader have a daughter together (y/d/n), MDNI, 18+

TAGLIST: @measuredingold @cncohshit @circle-with-me @jilliemiw86 @justeli6 (If you wanna be added to my taglist in general, leave a comment or message me privately!)

A/N: i wrote this in one sitting and i'm so proud of it that i can't hide it for one second longer. i hope you like it! also this isn't proofread, im very sorry ._.

MASTERLIST

[y/d/n = your daughter’s name]

You thought the hardest thing you had ever done in your entire life was the process of deciding to file for divorce from your ex-husband Jolly, but he had proven you wrong. It was that he had signed the papers without an argument or fight. He had just done it.

It had stung, how he came back from a long tour, saw the papers laying on the kitchen counter and just signed them. It hurt but you also knew it was for the best. That he didn’t fight with you was hard, but it also made it in some ironic way easier.

Since you had a daughter together, he came over only on the weekends when he was home from touring and normally, he’d only pick up your daughter and leave again; not really much conversation going on between you except the necessary small talk. He was a good father and human after all, and you were glad for that.

After some time, routine came back and somewhat everything began to feel normal again. You began to date again, and Jolly seemed to live his life to the fullest. You were happy for him.

That changed when your doorbell rang on a Tuesday evening. You were sitting on the couch watching TV when you heard the sound and for the first couple of seconds you thought about not opening the door. After all, it was almost 8 PM and you were kind of scared there would be someone trying to break in or hurt you, but when it rang again you became curious.

“Joakim?” You asked surprised when you saw him standing there.

“Is it true?” He just asked and looked you dead in the eye.

“What?” You answered him confused. He looked like he hadn’t slept properly since he brought back your daughter two days ago.

“On the weekend, y/d/n said you were seeing someone.” He asked, his tone careful, yet you could sense some sort of hurt in his voice.

“Do you maybe wanna come in before you confront me about stuff that hasn’t got anything to do with you?” You grumbled at him in a sarcastic tone, which he ignored while stepping into the place you once called home together.

He walked into the living room, followed by you. There he crossed his arms in front of your chest and looked at you, disappointed.

“What do you want to here, Joakim? I don’t remember that we agreed to be abstinent for the rest of our lives.” You snarled at him and mirrored is gesture.

“Don’t you think it still hurts that I hear that from our daughter instead of you?” He responded in the same tone.

“I don’t know why you suddenly seemed to care.” You grumbled. “Since you didn’t show any interest in me for… how long is it now? One and a half years?”

“You didn’t even let me explain myself and threw the divorce papers at me. How do you think I feel?” He angrily expressed.

“I don’t even need to tell you this, but there is no other guy. I went on two dates. TWO dates, Jolly.” You answered him while ignoring how his statement stung. You knew it had been egoistic of you, but the months before the divorce, he either wasn’t at home or when he was, he didn’t even look at you. You felt unimportant, unloved, neglected. And now he was throwing around these statements. You wished he had done it earlier. You wished he would have opened up to you. The fact that he only did it because he saw the potential danger of another person in your life, hurt you so much.

Jolly took a deep breath. “I feel like we never even talked about this whole separation.”

“You were the one who didn’t ask when I handed you the papers, Joakim.” You said, your tone a lot calmer than it had been before but you still were angry. You were glad that your daughter was having a sleepover at a friend's house that night, otherwise she would have already been downstairs.

When Jolly didn’t say anything for another solid minute, you sighed.

“Don’t you think it is a bit too late to talk now?” You mumbled defeated and ran a hand through your hair. “I hope you know that I didn’t do that to hurt you. We both know it would have ended way uglier if we dragged it out longer than it already had been.”

You saw how Jolly swallowed hard.

“You know I still love you?” He almost whispered and let his hands fall to his sides. When you looked at him like that, he almost looked broken… defeated. For the first time since what felt like ages, you felt like he let his guard down. Like he wasn’t trying to hide his feelings away.

“I know, Jolly.” You answered him. “And I also know that a part of me still loves you and always will, but we both know that this isn’t going to work. At least not like this.”

He slowly took a step towards you, carefully watching your reaction. When you didn’t look reluctant or took a step back, he reached for your hand and grabbed it.

“I am so sorry that all of this happened. I thought about everything that had happened. Long before the divorce. I know how cruel I was to leave you in the dark. To not talk to you when I needed nothing but your comfort. I thought that I would get through everything by myself.” He told you with honesty in his voice.

“You didn’t have to go through everything alone. That is what a marriage is for, Jolly. I would have been more than happy to help you. I still am if you need me.” You whispered out and looked into the eyes of the man you had and still loved so dearly, and you felt how your heart hurt.

“I always need you, y/n. I need you so bad.” Jolly responded and you saw how his eyes became glossy. Without even thinking you wrapped your arms around his torso and hugged him tightly. You felt how tears started to form in your eyes and it broke your heart when you heard him sniffle for a second.

When you leaned back to look at him, there was this foolish hope in your heart. The hope that you would be able to find back to each other. But your brain knew, even if you did eventually manage to do that, now was not the right time for it.

“Can I kiss you?” Jolly asked and you felt warmth form in your stomach. You knew you should have said no. You knew you should have been strong, but you still nodded.

Your lips met with a ferocity born from years of unspoken words and yearning. The taste of his mouth a bittersweet reminder of everything you had lost.

It felt like you kissed for an eternity and still, when you pulled away, it felt like it wasn’t long enough. You missed him. You missed everything about him, from his small jokes to the way it felt when you fell asleep next to him. He was what made this house a home.

“We shouldn’t.” You whispered against his lips, and he nodded. Before he could even think about letting you go, you pressed your lips against his for a second kiss. This one being much more eager than the previous one.

Slowly but surely, you stumbled towards the couch and soon you were laying under him, lips still connected as if life depended on it. His tongue slipped into your mouth, and you couldn’t help but sigh into the kiss.

It didn’t take long until his fingers curled into the waistband of your shorts and panties. For a second, he leaned back to look for consent in your eyes. When you eagerly nodded, he tugged them down your legs.

He kissed you deeply before lowering himself down your body. You shivered when you felt his breath against your core and not even a second later you felt his warm tongue sliding through your folds. He drew skillful circles around your clit. A wave of warmth washed over you as you moaned out his name and it felt so wrong and so right at the same time. You had missed him so much.

Your hand reached for his and he was quick to intertwine your fingers. Your nails pressed into the skin on his hand as your back arched in pleasure.

“Tell me you’re mine.” He pleaded as he raised his head for a second to look at you through his lashed and you felt like you could come on the spot.

“I’m yours, Joakim. I always will be.” You whimpered out and it was all he needed to hear as his head lowered again.

It didn’t take long for you to feel the waves of your orgasm washing over you, as you screamed out his name. Your vision blurred for a second as you came on his tongue. He kissed the inside of your thighs until you slowly came down from your high, before he came up to look at you again.

You grabbed his face and kissed him with such force, he feared to collapsed right on the spot. You could taste yourself on his tongue and the feeling of the fabric of his jeans against your naked cunt made you shiver in overstimulation.

In a swift motion, he turned you on your stomach and you heard how he unzipped his pants. The next thing you felt was hot kisses pressed to the back of your neck and you sighed in need. You needed to feel him, even if it was the last time.

“Do you have a condom?” He groaned into your ear.

“You don’t need one, Joakim. I’m clean and on the pill.” – “Got it.”

You clenched your fists into the fabric of the couch as you felt him enter you. A delicate burn formed inside of you as he stretched your walls. He was gentle but still you let out a small yelp as he bottomed out in one stroke. The small groan that escaped from Jolly’s lips, let you clench around him for a moment.

“God.” He moaned. “I wish I could stay inside of you forever.”

You moaned as a response.

“I’ll make you mine, even if it’s the last time.” He groaned as he slung an arm around your torso, making you slightly sit on him as he thrusted into you.

“I’ll be yours.” You whimpered and reached behind you to grab onto his hair. You moved in a rhythm as you felt the knot tighten in your stomach for a second time. One of Jolly’s hands travelled between your thighs and began to rub small circles on your wet clit.

“God, Jolly. I’m gonna come.” You almost screamed out.

“I’ve got you.” He breathed out as you felt the intense sensation of your second orgasm rolling over you. You felt how your body slowly lost strength, but you held yourself together for him.

You fell forward, leaning on your elbows as his hands grabbed your hips. Shortly after that you felt how he was twitching inside of you and he let out a loud groan as he finished inside of you, his cum filling you up until it began to drip. He grabbed the armrest of the couch in front of you to not let his weight drop on you as he mumbled out small love confessions.

For a couple of moments, neither of you dared to move. He peppered your shoulder with small kisses while you both tried to tame your breaths. Even though, you both didn’t want to, he eventually pulled out of you and got up, as you slowly laid down on your back.

After a minute or so he reappeared with a washcloth and gently cleaned you up, before helping you up from the couch and to the bathroom to go to the toilet.

After you finished and came back to the living room, he handed you your clothes and you both got fully dressed again, before looking at each other in awkward silence.

You knew what he was going to say, before he could even finish.

“Maybe, I should-…” – “Stay.”

He blinked a couple of times as his eyes lit up.

“Y/d/n isn’t coming back until tomorrow after school. You can stay.” You almost whispered and hoped he wouldn’t leave you in that state. “I want you to stay.”

“Okay.” He muttered and nodded slightly. “I will.”

As the two of you sat down on the couch, a wave of guilt washed over you. This was a forbidden taste of the past that only solidified the painful truth. You were bound by a love that could never be, at least not now…

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[lillaydee]

In Time Part 9

Rancher Joel Miller / Reader

You lost your dear Uncle. Your TV Star boyfriend dumped you. You needed a job. You got one at a ranch in Wyoming. Where you met Joel. A very grumpy man. Grumpy man has issues.

WARNINGS:

Grumpy Joel, Hurt Joel, Grieving Joel, Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Joel Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (The Last of Us), Mentions of Hostage Situation and Shooting, Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Mutual Pining, Fluff and Angst

SERIES MASTER LIST

Part 8

---

Maria felt her head freeze. She hadn’t recognized Cindy, or Cleo, apparently, as she went by these days. Wow. The wonders of cosmetic technology. She looked different on TV, much less from when she left Joel to fend for himself with a baby. But it was her.

The man offered his hand to Maria, “Dave Landon,” he said. “You know these people Sweets?” he asked his partner.

“No, I’ve never met them,” she said.

Fucking hell this woman can act, Tess thought. Too bad that talent didn’t really translate to the screens.

“They know your real name, Sweets,” he insisted. “That name’s not even on Wikipedia.”

“Cindy Salts, that’s your name. You lived here for six months.” Maria said, her arms crossed on top of her belly, a stern look on her face.

“I’m sorry, lady, I don’t know what you’re talking about. My name is Cleo Savvant. Let’s get out of here babe,” she said, looking annoyed at the two stone-faced ladies in front of her.

You and Frank drove in, having just completed a call from the adjacent ranch. You stopped walking when you saw David and Cleo, the ready smile on your face wiped off immediately. They seemed equally stunned to see you.

“Sweets,” David said. “What are you doing here? Is this where you’ve disappeared to?” He made a move to come greet you, but Cleo held him back.

“Who are you calling Sweets, Dave? I’m your Sweets now, remember?” she huffed. 

The door to the office opened, and Joel walked out. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Cleo. She clearly panicked when she saw him and pulled David’s hand, going back to the car. You saw her face; her eyes gave it all away. She was high, drunk too, possibly. So was he.

“I want to get out of here! Let’s go!” she yelled at him when he questioned why. They got in the car, you heard her scream something at the driver, who quickly sped away.

“What just happened?” Frank asked.

“That was Cindy,” Maria explained.

You were shocked. Cleo was his ex? Sarah’s mother? Frank looked stumped. He had never met her. Sarah was already six when he started working there.

“She pretended to not know us,” Tess said, before turning to you. “He called you Sweets, he called her that too. Did you know him?”

“He’s my ex. He cheated on me with her.”

Silence all around. Holy shit.

Small world.

---

You sat in your cabin alone, not knowing what to do. Seeing David again was one thing, understanding that they were here to scout for wedding locations was another, but seeing Joel’s face when he saw Cleo, that was jarring.

He was angry. You thought you had seen him angry. Turned out, you had only seen him mildly annoyed compared to what you saw just then. His entire body was tense, his face red, his fists clenched, his jaw set, his eyes sharp. After David and Cleo left, he stormed off into his house, the door slammed so hard you were convinced you saw the house shake.

No one went after him, not even Tess. That, to you, was a testament to how angry he was, that even Tess didn’t have the courage to bother him. Your fingers itched to text him, call him, anything, to make sure he was alright. But you knew that was a bad idea. At this point, you would willingly go birth a hundred mares concurrently than face Joel when he’s not ready.

Dinner time came and went, and still no one was saying anything. The group chat was mysteriously quiet. You were about to give up and just go to bed when someone knocked on your door.

Joel’s grumpy face greeted you, but immediately softened when he saw you.

“Hi.”

“Hello.”

“You want to come in?”

“I think I need a walk. Will you join me? Maybe we can go to the Benny place? We don’t have to talk… I just… want to sit there. With you, if you don’t mind?”

There’s desperation in his eyes. You couldn’t deny him. You grabbed your jacket and shut the door.

He asked if you were okay. Seeing David again. You laughed and asked if he was okay. David may have been an asshole, but he didn’t abandon you with a two-month-old fourteen years ago before suddenly reappearing. There was no way, in any universe imaginable, that you could relate to what he must be going through at that moment.

“I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what I feel. I think I’m angry. But I don’t know if I’m angry about her leaving, or reappearing.”

You didn’t know what to say. It felt as if this was one of those moments where listening would benefit him more than advising. He looked defeated. His shoulders slumped, his head down. You wanted to comfort him. But what could you possibly do?

“I’m sorry, Joel. I don’t know what to say to you. If I did, I would.”

He looked at you, gratitude in his eyes. “I know.”

Both of you sat on the bench at the oak trees, or the Benny place, as Joel had now officially dubbed it. You sat quietly for a while, taking in the beautiful view and the gorgeous twinkling stars above.

“Hi Benny. Hi BabyGirl.”

“Hi Benny, Hi Sarah.”

“I’m Joel, Benny, in case you didn’t know who I was. And BabyGirl, this is Amelia. She’s the one I to…” he cleared his throat quickly before speaking again. “She’s the vet taking over from Pete.”

Your heart stopped at his hesitation. Had he been talking to Sarah about you?

He placed his arm behind you on the backrest, and you two sat quietly, just lost in thought.

You found yourself fighting the urge to just snuggle up to him. But no, you shouldn’t do that. The man was deep in thought. He was angry. He had other things to think about than you. The woman who broke his heart just reappeared. Don’t take advantage of that you old pervert!

So, you sat there, stock still, pretending to enjoy the view, when all you really wanted to do was snuggle up to him and never let go.

Joel found himself fighting the urge to just pull you in to snuggle up to him. But no, he shouldn’t do that. You were deep in thought. You must be confused. You had other things to think about than him. The man who broke your heart just reappeared. Don’t take advantage of that you old pervert!

So, he sat there, stock still, pretending to enjoy the view, when all he really wanted to do was pull you in to snuggle up to him and never let go.

“Do you think they’ll come back?” you suddenly broke the silence.

“I don’t know. Is it weird if I say I hope not, but at the same time, I hope she, at least, does? I have had these questions I wanted to ask all these years, and I need answers.”

“What kind of questions?”

He shrugged, “Am I the reason she left? Was I a bad partner? Did she feel forced to have Sarah? Was anyone unkind to her? Was I absent? Did I not listen to her? Was it a post-partum thing? Did she…” he stopped, eyes looking down at his own hands, fiddling with the zippers of his jacket.

“Did she what?”

He took a really deep breath.

“Did she even love me? Love Sarah? Did she find what she was looking for? Was leaving us worth it?”

He felt so vulnerable. These questions that he had never asked out loud. The source of his insecurities, the reason he shut down, covered himself in a stoic, grumpy façade, now said out loud for you to hear. He rubbed his face before releasing a long-held breath, laughing softly.

“I feel naked.”

“Naked is good.”

His head snapped to look at you, a disbelieving scoff escaped his lips, as your eyes widened as you realized what you had just said. He laughed out loud as you covered your face with your hands, your body shaking in laughter, face red from the shame of it all.

“No! Not like that, you pervert! Oh my God I cannot believe I just said that!”

The two of you kept laughing until the wave passed. Really no point trying to talk when you were sure you were going to break again as soon as you started talking.

“What I meant was, sometimes, exposing yourself to others, not literally, of course,” you said as he began giggling like a schoolgirl, smacking him on his shoulder, “can have a relieving effect.”

And he burst out laughing again. You facepalmed yourself when you heard what you said.

“Oh God, get that muck out of your head Joel Miller. God, you’re such a nob.”

He stopped laughing, his face screwing up in confusion.

“Are you trying to insult me by calling me rich?”

Oh… you’re in America… nob means something else here.

“Erm, sure. Are you insulted?”

“I have a feeling you meant something else.” He eyed you suspiciously, before pulling out his phone to google it.

NO… no, no, no, no, no.

You snatched his phone out of his hand, horrified at the thought he might find out. It unlocked, a picture of him and Sarah gracing the home page.

“Hey, this is Sarah, right?”

He took his phone out of your hand, and opened the gallery, selecting the photo so you could look at it without the apps being in the way. Yeah, he breathed. A small smile on his face.

“This was the last picture we took together. Her team won a soccer tournament. She died two weeks later.”

“She was beautiful, Joel.”

He whispered a thank you. His face didn’t look sad, per se. More regretful than sad.

“She would’ve loved you. She followed Pete on his rounds. I think she would’ve done the same with you. She loved animals.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet her. From what Ellie’s told me, she sounded like a wonderful young lady. I wish I’d known her.”

“Thank you. She really was, you know? Sweetest little girl anyone could hope for. It’s a shame her own mother didn’t feel the way you do.”

“You don’t know that… you should ask her, if she turned back up. That’s what I meant to say, before your mucky mind ruined it,” you said, smacking him once more as he began to laugh a little. “Sometimes, showing a bit of vulnerability could get you answers. You never know what someone else is going through. No one can read other people’s minds, so, unless you voice it out, no one would know. It’s good that you felt strong enough to express your worries and wonders to someone. Maybe now that they’re out there in the universe, you could begin getting answers.”

He's not laughing anymore, but there was a sincerity in the way he was looking at you.

“Thank you for making me feel safe enough to tell you about it.”

Your heart warmed at the thought of it. “You’re welcome.”

“We should probably go, big day tomorrow.”

He got up and offered you his hand. You took it. But instead of letting go, he slipped your arm through his, and walked you back with his other hand covering yours. Neither of you talked until you got to your cabin, unlocked the front door. He leaned in and gave you a lingering kiss on your cheek, your eyes involuntarily closing at the sensation. You had to consciously stop yourself from turning and capturing his lips.

He whispered a good night and shut the door behind him.

---

The next day was indeed a big day. Two buses full of tourists from Europe arrived, gorgeous looking European men and women looking to experience a day on a typical American ranch disembarked. They had breakfast in the chow hall, and broke into smaller groups, going to different sections of the ranch at a time. You made your rounds as usual, going about your day, your schedule shouldn’t be tampered with by their visit, unless there’s a birthing happening.

You made your way to the stables, where a bunch of men and women were watching (more like filming, really) Bill change the shoes for Hunter, one of the commercial horses. You said a polite hello, Bill introduced you to everyone, who said an enthusiastic hi to you, before going inside to check on Willow. She’s improving, but you didn’t want to risk her being limp for good, so she was still resting. You greeted her with a carrot, stroking her head, giving her a few words of encouragement, and just as you were about to enter her stall, one of the tourists appeared behind you.

He was about your age, dashingly well-dressed and good looking. He’s a vet, too, he said. But more of a city one, tending to household pets. He wondered if he could join you. See what the life of a vet in a place like this was like? Sure, you said. Why not?

He watched you tend to Willow’s leg, asking questions about her injury. His name was Antonio. He’s originally from Italy but moved to Spain for work. He’s very… friendly, let’s just say. He followed you on your rounds, moving on from Willow’s stall to the fields, where the recently birthed foals were running around with their mothers. He seemed very excited to have this experience, and watched intently as you checked the foals for their progress and general health.

He didn’t rejoin his group, sticking with you as you visited the cowshed next, and checked on Lady, the dog who lived there, who had just had puppies. He’s pleasant company, you enjoyed having him around, glad that he wasn’t one of those annoying men who wouldn’t leave you be.

You went to one of the paddocks, where another group was having a quick lesson in riding. There was a handful of older people crowding Shimmer, Ellie proudly showing her off, Jake keeping her company. This was the first time she had joined in on an activity like this on the ranch, so she was very excited. This was a big group, so Jake and Anita came in to help out.

Your eyes were drawn to another area on the paddock, where another crowd gathered. This one, predominantly younger women. Callus was standing patiently next to them, so the crowd of gaggling ladies was not crowding him. And then, Joel’s head popped up, towering over the ladies, having bent down to fix something.

The ladies seemed… very interested in him. Very interested indeed. And these ladies were not you. They were tall, supermodel-looking Europeans with a great fashion sense and were very… gifted, chest-wise. They all probably smell of flowers and delicate fruits, or whatever the expensive European perfumes were made of, while you most probably smelled like cow manure and arse. Their hair stylishly set, while yours was just rolled up in a messy bun – Callus almost chewed your ponytail off one time, you learnt your lesson. All of them dressed up to the nines, their stylish dresses and jackets and super expensive leather boots adorning their perfect body, while you were in a plastic apron and rubber boots. And these ladies were crooning at him, with their sexy accents, their hands on him one way or another. They were calling him “Jhole”, eyelashes fluttering so fast at him you were surprised none of them just took off in flight from the speed. Why would he look at you when he had all these shameless bitc-erm-ladies swooning at him?

He was explaining something to them, pointing at the various parts on Callus’s saddle, most probably teaching them the basics before they eventually ride a horse.

One lady kept taking pictures of him before forcing herself into the frame with him for selfies. At one point, she had her entire body pressed up to him, head on his shoulder, while he kept a very stoic face. She then rubbed his chest, and said something to him, before pressing her back on him, her hand on his neck and taking another selfie.

And that started the whole group wanting one too. Joel desperately looked around for help, when he clocked you with Tanner, one of the commercial horses that was waiting for his turn for the riding lesson. He had a small cut on his flank a few weeks before, and you were showing Antonio the healed wound.

When he saw you, he started to smile, but the smile disappeared as soon as he saw Antonio with you. He quickly detached himself from the group and walked over. You introduced him to Antonio, and explained why he was following you around. Joel shook his hand, a bit too firmly, maybe? And only let go after staring Antonio in the eye a bit longer than he would other people.

You couldn’t look him in the eyes for long, lest your unfounded unease of him being rubbed on by gorgeous European women whose existence seemed to be solely to make you feel inadequate be made obvious. So, you moved on from there, taking Antonio to the chicken coop instead.

Joel watched you leave with this Adonis of a man, one who made him look like a tramp, so stylishly dressed and chiseled up to there. Joel did at least put deodorant on that day, but he probably smelt like a horse, and he could smell this man’s perfume from yards away. Joel couldn’t remember if he ran a brush through his hair that morning… when was the last time he shaved? And this man’s hair looked like it could withstand a tornado, his beard neatly trimmed and well maintained. He bet that guy was one of those men who had a purse just to keep his beard trimming supplies on hand. Probably had a mustache comb too. He had put on his best flannel for the day, Tess’s lecture about not wearing the ripped ones from ten years ago fresh in his head, but this guy’s socks alone were probably worth more than his truck. And of course, there was his accent. Why the hell would you want him when a bast-erm-man with an Italian accent who could probably speak better English than him was standing right there, swooning over you?

---

When you and Antonio walked into the chow hall for lunch, Joel was sitting at a table amongst his throngs of screaming fans. You resisted rolling your eyes and guided Antonio to a smaller table, where he proceeded to tell you about his life in Spain.

Joel watched from the doorway as you had your lunch with the Italian man after he was done. You laughed with him; you looked interested in what he was saying. He wondered if you were internally swooning at this man too. Ellie walked past him, before stopping and reversing, peering at what he was looking at, exactly.

“Aww…” she said in a low voice. “Are we staring at the hot vet talking to the hot Italian man?”

“Shut up.”

“Just tell her how you feel, old man. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“She could hear me.”

Ellie laughed out loud, gave Joel a slap on his back and left.

Joel kept watching as the man leaned in closer to you and began speaking to you in a more intimate way.

“Don’t look, but someone is watching us,” Antonio said to you in a low voice.

“Who?”

“The man with the horses just now. Joel, I think was his name, no?”

You nodded. “He’s just keeping watch. He’s my boss, so that’s what he does.”

“So, he is not your boyfriend?”

You laughed and shook your head, changing the subject.

As the group got ready to leave later that evening, you noticed the ‘Jhole’ fan club dabbing their eyes at having to say goodbye to their beloved dream man. So many cards and pieces of papers were stuffed in his flannel pocket by them. If this was the Renaissance, he would have delicate lacy handkerchiefs stuffed all over his body.

“So, I’ll say goodbye,” Antonio said to you. “Just for the record, I think your boss wants to be your boyfriend. If we were cowboys, he would’ve challenged me for a duel long ago. But if I am wrong, please, call me. I enjoyed spending time with you today. Thank you for letting me hang around with you,” he said, as he slipped you his card, before giving you a chaste kiss on each of your cheeks and got on the bus.

“Nice looking guy,” Joel said to you as the buses drove off.

“Nice looking ladies, Jhole,” you said back to him, faux batting your eyelashes at him.

He laughed and walked with you back into the chow hall. The whole family was there, just lounging around, breathing a sigh of relief that the group was gone.

“How many of these do we have every year? Cause I’m beat. I would rather shovel shit every day for the rest of my life than do that again,” Ellie complained.

You laughed and sat down next to her. She immediately snuggled into you.

Joel was still standing in the doorway, laughing at Ellie’s statement, when the bell at the front door dinged. Joel turned around and immediately froze.

Cleo walked in.

The whole room got quiet.

“Hi Joel,” she said, taking a few more steps to get to him. She walked right up to him, stopping only a couple inches from him. “Been a long time.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, before pulling him into a full-blown kiss.  

---

Part 10

[lovelyknives18]

Tragedy (or how to stop the apocalypse)

Chapter: 8/21

Word count: 4,456

Title: The dead don't rest (They stalk)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61513879/chapters/169961563/edit

"Dad, dad, dad... Daddy." Walter groaned, fluttering his eyes open at the sight of his daughter staring back at him. "Alice, why are you dressed? You have any idea what time it is?" He turned away from her gaze, just as she answered; "Eight thirty?" His eyes shot wide open, immediately jumping out of bed. "Alright, let's go!"

For a man like Walter Peck, perfectionism was everything to him. Never behind his schedule or late when getting up in the morning, no matter the obstacle on his way... Which in retrospect might have contributed to his wife's growing resentment and their inevitable divorce. He supposed it was only fair that he gave the space his wife needed away from the kids, but even with his life as a single father. That oh-so perfect schedule and routine wasn't easy to keep up with anymore.

Walter rushed tying his tie, while balancing the phone on his shoulder as he knocked on his oldest daughter's door. "Mollie, come on! Leaving in ten minutes. Soon to be nine!" He ordered, as she emerged from the bathroom. "Alright, I'm ready." He did a double take before answering back to his ex, Anne. "See? Everything is going great."

"Well that's good, God, the view from here is amazing." Anne signed happily, sipping on her morning margarita on the balcony looking over the view of Cancun.

"I'm sure, so when Halloween has passed you think you could take the girls for Thanksgiving weekend? I'm not sure how long this investigation will take but-"

"Ohhh, yeah. Walt, about that. I'm thinking about staying here for a little while longer. Plus remember, I had the girls last thanksgiving."

Walter rubbed his temple. "You're kidding? Alice misses you a lot, and Mollie- Uh, lately she's... I think she needs another woman to talk to sometimes."

He listened in as Anne spoke more, while getting ready for the Beach. "I promise, she's just going through teenage stuff. It's normal. Look, I'm sure your parents won't mind having them for thanksgiving. I'll take them for Christmas, and we can spend time together on New years."

"Together?"

"Yeah!... Unless you already have something planned?" An uncomfortable silence fell over the phone call, as Walter struggled with what he should say next. "Uh, I don't think that's going to work out. I'll tell the girls you said hi."

"Oh, okay. Bye Walt- BEEP" Now, Walter knew he didn't have anything planned. But after the fallout that led to his divorce, and looking back on what he could've done to prevent it he wasn't sure if he could face his former wife again. Or how Anne could forgive him after he failed as a husband?

"Smooth, dad." Alice remarked, before being chased off by Walter as she ran laughing. "Get going!"

Sometimes he wondered if the universe was just playing a big joke on him. Still, someone had to get the girls to school.

"Mollie, you made sure your sister has her EpiPen before leaving?"

The sullen teenager groaned, never taking her eyes off her book. "Yes, parental unit."

"She means yes." Alice chirped. "Can I have a dog?"

"No, Alice. Mollie's allergic to dogs remember?" He argued, for the tenth time this month.

Mollie however seemed indifferent, knowing how much her little sister had bugged about it. "I can just keep Benadryl with me at all times."

"No, it's just better safe than sorry."

"Typical." Walter could practically hear the harsh remark from under his daughter's breath, which hurt more than he'd like to admit.

"Meanie, mom is way more fun." Alice pouted while crossing her arms over her chest.

"Excuse me, I can be fun!" He looked back at Alice through the rearview mirror. "In fact, that's what my job is about. Making sure there's safe environments for kids like you two to play around in."

"I thought your job was being a dickless jerk?" Alice tilted her head, as her father reacted to the offensive language he just heard his daughter say. "What?! Where did you hear that from?"

...

"That's what my friend Oscar told me, it's what his dad calls you." Walter was appalled, hearing what his daughter just called him and who Alice learned it from. "Well, it's not nice. And I don't want you to use that kind of language again." He definitely had his work cut out for him, that's for sure.

She really needs to stop having the dreams she's been having, for the last few weeks. April yawned as she leaned against the cooling wall of the small gymnasium trying to listen. "So, you catch anything on the- Uh, ghost detector?"

"PKE," Egon corrected. "And no. Not at the moment. Though I am intrigued by some lower levels that are being picked up." He covered scanning the surrounding area, Ray noticed the tired look in her eyes. "You don't look like you got much sleep."

"I haven't, I've been having these really weird dreams and stuff." Which was for the most part true, just that she omitted the part where she now shares her space with a terror dog that she's been hoarding. "And school to deal with."

"Yeah, school's a pain in the ass that's for sure." Peter chimed in. "But what exactly have you been dreaming about anyway, Ace?" April rubbed the back of her neck, moving out of the way for Egon.

"Really weird stuff. Like things I can't really explain, it's just been a lot." April sighed, leaning against the nearby wall. "I can't shake this feeling like somebody is watching me."

"Well, that makes sense. Given the blood type you have." Egon spoke in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone, scanning one of the students passing through.

"Excuse me, the what?" April questioned, hoping that she just misheard.

"What Egon means is, when we ran tests on your brain's activity and took your blood test, (which was done much to her bewilderment) we found your blood type is biologically prone to supernatural interferences and possibly beings! You know like ghosts and such." Ray explained with enthusiasm as he lifted his goggles up from his eyes

"And it appears that your encounter with the Gatekeeper might have awakened what would've been an otherwise dormant component in your genetic making." Egon finished, holding up a basketball in his hand as he scanned it.

"So basically I'm genetically prone to the supernatural?" April's mouth hung open at the unexpected revelation

"Think of it like, being prone to your everyday diseases. Like uh, I don't know, cancer or something." Peter said in half-hearted assurance, while April gave him a puzzled look.

"That's really all you could think of?"

"Well, sorry, sweetheart. My area of expertise is more with psychology and what exactly makes people tick. For example, testing a person's pyrokinesis." He says, reaching into April's backpack.

"A little show for demonstration. Heads-up, gentlemen!" And proceeded with throwing a couple of her pencils at two of the passing students with an audible twack!

"Ahh! What the hell?!"

"Jesus, shit!" The two students yelped

"See? Not to worry, you're in the clear." Peter smirked, waving the irritated students off.

Egon raised his eyebrow at Peter's "technique" for checking the signs of one's pyrokinesis."I don't think that has anything to do with psychology or any kinesis."

"You should get going, we may be doing an examination but you still have class I'm presuming?" He said, turning his attention to April.

April nodded, "Yeah I- do." She paused, watching as Egon scanned her. Draping her backpack over her shoulder, April waved as she headed out of the gym. "I'll talk later."

Ray gave her a friendly smile waving goodbye, his sigh holding a great deal of sympathy for her. "She's a nice girl, she should be going on with her life. Not caught up in something she has nothing to do with."

"I know. I wouldn't know what to do if Gwen went through that." Egon's monotone voice shed a bit of emotion at the thought.

"Tell me about it, but y'know there's something interesting about her. Besides her obvious crush on you, Spengler." Peter murmured, not at all caring enough to notice Egon's confusion.

"Her what?"

...

As April made her way down the halls, she halted. Looking around, a voice in her mind is telling her something is wrong in the atmosphere."sh̸e̶'s͎ ɔom̶i̸ꪀᧁ ғᴏꋪ h̶i̸m̶!"

"What?" She spun around, searching for the source of the voice that yelled in her ear. But the halls were empty.

"Hey, April. Where you coming from? The Halloween store?!" Michael snickered, unable to resist bothering April. "Seriously, what's with the get up? You look like a witch. You trying to impress those ghost heads that are hopping around today?"

"No, and why do you always gotta bother me? I'm just literally minding my business. If you wanna annoy someone, try Terri and Britney. Those two need to be knocked down a peg anyway." April grumbles, heading towards her locker as Michael followed behind.

Confused about what she said he asks; "Who the hell are you talking about?"

"You know who, Terri and Britney. The popular girls that aren't the only ones besides you, who like torturing me." She opened her locker, retrieving what textbooks she needs for her next class.

"Either you're trying to be funny or some shit, but ain't nobody with those names even goes here." April felt a haunting chill crawl up her spine, vaguely hearing Michael speaking in the background. "𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵, 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥𝘰."

April wasn't sure what made her feel the way she did, but something wasn't right with what Michael said. He was just saying another one of his lame jokes... Right? Once she finally faces away from the locker, she drops the books. Gazing at the horrific display in front of her.

...

"Let's wrap up, I'd rather be gone before Peck comes around again." Egon bitterly murmured to himself, just as the three Ghostbusters were gathering up the equipment they heard a bone chilling scream echo; "AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Being the first to react, and picking up the source, Egon sprinted down the left hallway.

"April?!" Ray called out, as the trio rounded the corner. April threw herself towards Peter, looking back as if she had seen the devil himself right behind her.

"T-t-there, right there. They're hurt, can't you see the blood?! THEY'RE STANDING RIGHT THERE, CAN'T YOU HEAR THEM?!" She shouted, pointing down the hall, there was nothing there.

"Woah-woah-woah, what are you talking about?" Peter asked, trying to keep the young girl in his arms upright. Catching a good glimpse at what she was seeing.

"Well that's something you don't see everyday."

He muttered, as Egon read the readings of the PKE:

𝘛𝘸𝘰 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭-𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴.

𝘉𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘪𝘹𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘺.

𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘴: 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥.

𝘋𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩: 𝘈𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘭 5𝘵𝘩, 1977.

𝘛𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭: 6/10.

"The whole time... The whole flipping time." April mumbled to herself, for the fifth time since the three men had brought her to the back of the Ecto-1. "The two girls who've given me crap since I've been going here have been dead the whole time. For twenty years!" A smile creeped on her face as she giggled, her giggle turning into a chuckle and that chuckle turning into a laugh. With some added tears.

"I think the ghosts are making her a bit coo-koo." Peter softly quipped to Ray, who was rubbing April's back. Before Egon decided to take over.

"You and Peter go over the findings we got off the scans, let's get some air for you." April just nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

The fresh air relaxed her some, but it was clear she was at war with her mind over the revelation that Terri and Britney have been dead for the past twenty years. Sure, they weren't exactly the nicest April's mind wasn't changed on that. But it was just the thought they were most likely killed in the halls of Giliad and now stuck forever.

"They don't pose any serious threats at the moment, I would say that the fact that you've seen their ghosts would mean we're getting closer to Gozer's return, with the dead becoming more active was the reason. But since this was before, it isn't much of a worry." He explained, before bringing his attention to April's body language. His expression softens, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder.

"That information doesn't help, does it?"

April shook her head. "They're the worst, don't get me wrong. But I just can't help but feel bad for them. Stuck there just like that?"

"It's hard to think about." Egon said, giving April's shoulder an assuring rub before adjusting his glasses. "I know adolescents your age don't really care what adults or parental units tell them. But just know, I understand what you're feeling. That's the part of what we do that's always on my mind."

Retracting his hand, he goes on in his usual straightforward-ness with a hint of that fatherly warmth that April could sense off of him. "What I'm trying to explain is, I know those girls haven't been nice to you. And they were most likely the same in life, but that doesn't mean they didn't have people who cared about them. I don't know what I'd do if my daughter was in the state they're in... We'll take care of them once we're sure Gozer is dealt with." Now, April could feel it before and wasn't sure why. But her brief encounter with Gwen the other day made everything click together. She felt just the same about Egon, but now there was an air of respect for the scientist. How was she supposed to tell them now?

"Speaking of, we scanned around the library. The most concerning thing was despite what you've seen. We didn't detect any signs of activity."

April was brought back to reality by the slight uneasiness of the scientist's face. "What? But what does that mean?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I know it can't mean anything good." He said with a grim notion, if there was nothing paranormal detected then either something went dormant... Or escaped.

...

A storm was brewing in the distance, just in the west side of long island.

A woman no older than twenty-six was busy on the phone, blissfully unaware of the evil that slowly trespassed into her home.

"Because you gave it to me, so it's mine!" She argued with her ex, slamming down the phone into the receiver before stopping over to the bathroom.

"Who does he think he is?! Fucking loser. Like I'm gonna give back his grandma's ring that he gave me, motherfucker man!" She murmured under her breath, turning on the faucet as the tub began to fill with warm water.

Turning on her CD player, she began undressing. Humming to tune. She wasn't sure if it was from the tense phone call she had, but the woman almost swore she was being watched.

"Must be my nerves." She concluded, submerging herself in the warm, soap filled water.

The distinct smell of pomegranate wafted through as the music made for a relaxed ambience. The woman swore for a second she thought the water had moved, but there wasn't anything she could've seen. Why did it smell like smoke though?

Just as she was about to let her guard down, a demonic-like paw pulled her in its grasp. She shriek and wailed for help within the building's thin walls, thrashing around as more of the claws grabbed her limps. Even one coming up from between her legs.

She was being pulled under, she yelled louder: "H-HELP, SOMEBODY!" But her efforts were futile, her voice gurgling as she went under. Leaving air bubbles behind before they eventually cease. Only the echo of the still playing CD filled the silence.

𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥?

𝘓𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭

Finally after what seemed like forever, the woman pulled herself back to the surface- or something else entirely different now...

Stepping out in the chill air, water dripped down between the crevice of her chest. She felt the hairs on her arm stand straight, as she left a trail of water. Stepping near the closet, the grin that fell on the woman's face was no longer hers.

...

"Kim?" The woman's next door neighbor, Ned. Knocked on the door of her apartment, having heard the screaming coming from the bathroom, and what could almost be described as someone ransacking her home. "Is everything okay? Just hang on and I'll call someone." He called out, knocking a couple more times before turning away to hurry and call for help. His eyes lit up as he heard the door unlock from the other side, seeing his neighbor was okay. "Oh thank God, is everything okay- HUGH!" Kim lifted Ned up in the air by the neck with inhuman strength.

"Are you the Keymaster?" She spoke, her tone cold and other worldly.

"ACK- Kim, let me go!" He choked out, as she brought him close to her face.

"There is no Kim, only Zuul!" She roared, throwing the man across the room. His body collided into the bookcase as he screamed out trying to prevent the heavy wood and items from falling on top. Only to succumb to his fate with a bone crushing thud.

The shelf was lifted up, as Kim (or Zuul) looked down at Ned. The poor man practically paralyzed from the neck down as he stared back up in horror.

"Where's Vinz Clortho?"

...

"You guys didn't have to drive me home, I could've just walked." April leaned against the Ecto's side as they stood outside the gas station.

"Ah, it's not a problem. It's only fair since you are a client." Ray grinned. "Although, unfortunately if you do seek us out again we'll have to charge you."

"Fair enough, how much do you guys usually charge?" April asked with a shrug.

"50$, 347$ if you pay for monthly routine cleansing." Egon answered.

If April was as pale as a daisy, or the color white, it would have been apparent just how much color drained from her face when hearing the prices.

"Good to know, I guess."

April felt a chill go up her spine, wrapping her arms around her shoulders as she pushed herself off the car. "It's cold out-"

When she turned around, none of the Ghostbusters were in sight. Neither the gas station or Ecto-1 could be seen, she was out in the middle of nowhere. "Oh no... No, not again." April spun around, seeing an older man and dark-skinned woman standing beside him. The woman looked eerily similar to- No, no it couldn't be. It CAN'T be. She ran up to the house once she saw them going inside. They moved as if they were marionettes performing a play. "No, no stop! Leave her alone!" April screamed.

Egon carried April into the back of the Ecto, her body shaking uncontrollably as her eyes were rolling in the back of her head. "April, April!" Ray fumbled with the keys, wanting to waste no time in getting out of there for April's safety.

Egon caught his meter detecting activity around them. "Pete, grab the PKE now!" He ordered, just as Peter grabbed the device, his expression grew worrisome when he saw the exact readings. "We got a problem, it's coming from her."

"Is she being possessed?" Ray called out as he swerved through the streets, Egon didn't take his eyes off of her as she convulsed and her breathing became more erratic. "April, it's us. We're going to try and help you, just hang in there." At last, April seized with a guttural breath. Looking around as if she were a frightened animal. "It's getting worse, it's worse..." She muttered, Egon guided her in a sitting position. "What are you talking about, Ace?" Peter's nonchalant, and egotistical persona was nowhere to be found when he looked at April. Could feel that something was off about whatever she had gone through.

"My visions... It was my great-grandma, I saw her before..." April couldn't finish her sentence, or even feel like it. Her Mee-maw told her once about her Great-grandma, how she was "married" to a well-off man who might as well have been the devil's second in command with the way he thought of the world and the people in it. She'll never forget the story of how a mother had to send her own baby away, so it could have the chance to survive.

Silent tears fell down her cheeks, uttering out one sentence that was enough to hear. "Before she was killed." Egon pulled her close as she sobbed, rubbing soothing circles in her back as his parental instincts took over. . "That's not it, I-"

"April, you just went through an intense psychic episode. You don't need to push yourself." Egon held both of her shoulders, looking her over to make sure she wasn't further affected physically.

"Listen, I saw Zuul. What she actually looks like." The air around them grew tense with worry, and fear at the implications of the young girl's words. "I saw him too."

"Saw who?" Ray asked, long since stopping the car near the curb as he looked back at April.

"Shandor... and Edmund." At the sound of those names, what remained of Egon's professionalism was completely shattered. That only happens when it greatly affects him.

Egon tightens his grip on her shoulders, forcing April to look at him. "April, do you understand what you're saying? Do you understand what you've said or the names you said?!"

"Egon, stop it! Your scaring her." Surprisingly, Peter was the one to intervene.

"I knew there was something more, after we defeated Gozer. Something way deeper and far worse. And none of you wanted to believe me!"

"Egon, it's alright. We believe you now, I'm sorry." Ray spoke up, mediating the tension in the car.

Egon's shoulders slump, composing himself before speaking. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand how nobody could see what I did. It was right there in front of you..." Egon hanged his head low, going quite as Ray glanced back at him before starting up the car again.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you." Ray murmured.

"I'm sorry for scaring you guys." April's voice broke through the silence. "I never had to be that bad before."

"Why didn't you tell us it was getting worse for you physically?" Ray asked, with a note of concern and worry for their young client.

"Cause I didn't want anyone to know or think I was crazy. I haven't even told my parents what's going on. Not that they're even home before I am." Much to everyone's surprise, Peter was the one to offer assurance.

"We don't think you're crazy, Ace. Our moto is "We're ready to believe you" Egon, any thoughts on what our little friend saw?"

Egon shook his head.

"You want us to give you a bit?" Egon nodded.

April just looked between the conversation happening, without anything being heard from Egon. "What's wrong with him?"

"Well, whenever Egon is really upset or overwhelmed he kinda goes mute on us. Just give him a few minutes and he'll be good. But, let's get you home and call it a night." Ray answered her, returning his focus back on the road

The rest of the ride was uneventful, but gave April a sense of comfort. She went through the various scenarios of how different everything would have been, if she hadn't enlisted The Ghostbusters help. Maybe in a way, it was a sign from her Great-grandma.

Only just being told about one of the head leaders of the Gozerians, Edmund Hoover. The librarian killer, did April understand more of her vision of the night her Great-grandma's murder. "This whole time I thought it was someone that just killed her for no other reason than hate. But the fact it was sacrificial... Makes it worse."

"I promise, April." Egon said, breaking his silence as he gave an assuring on her sh̶o̸u̸l̶d̶e̶r̶."We're going to get to the bottom of this. As much as we wish you had nothing to do with this, your relation to Shandor is apart of this. Tell use whenever you have another vision of any kind, we'll always be ready to answer." With that, they watched as April headed inside her apartment building.

"We need to find Winston, we're gonna need all the help we get."

...

April closed the door behind her, kicking off her shoes as she flipped the lights on. It was quiet... 𝘛𝘰𝘰 quiet. But all worries were soothed, as she spotted Jenkins on the couch. Appearing annoyed that his food was being eaten, and the bag torn up. "Hey, come on! Really man?" April stomped over, mostly exasperated by the mess rather than the fact that Vinz was eating cat food. "I thought you didn't even like this stuff." While April grumble as she swepped the kibble up, Jenkins began arching his back. Sensing an impending danger lurking in the sanctuary of his home and human.

April turned around, Jenkins hissed and growled as he looked in April's direction. What was causing his behavior? "Hey, what's wrong kitty?" As she came closer, it dawned on her that Jenkins was looking behind her. Vinz wasn't beside her anymore.

A disturbing, and fearsome growl sent a chill through April. She didn't have time to react before everything took a turn for the worse.

"Ahh!" She screamed, shoving the brooms handle in front of her as she tried with all her strength to keep the snapping fangs away.

"Stop, Vinz, stop!" Begging for mercy, the yowling from Jenkins grew more feral as he attacked the beast above her.

April quickly pulled her legs up, striking the Keymaster's snout and pulling herself out from under him. April tightened her grip on the broom, as Vinz look upon her, something strange began to happen in his mind. Something unique and foreign. He felt remorse, he didn't know where his Gatekeeper was, and was beginning to feel remorse for a mortal child.

As April kept the broom up in defense, a interesting thing happened. Vinz came over, and bumped his head against her. Almost as if he was saying sorry. She hesitated, but eventually let her guard down. "It's okay, I know everything is probably confusing for you... It's been the same for me. I guess like it or not, we're stuck together until this is all over."

For good.

[missvelvetsstuff]

Where you goin, Star?

Bucky x Reader

BikerAU

Summary: Reader meets Bucky when the truck hauling her show horses breaks down as she is trying to leave for an event and he works for the mechanic. Passionate, secret love affair ensues. After a confrontation with her father, Bucky decides she deserves better than a poor biker like him and leaves town with his friends Steve and Sam.

Three years later, reader is trapped in an abusive relationship and about to give up hope of things ever improving, when Bucky comes back.

Chapter 17

Warnings: swearing

Star groaned when her alarm went off, exhausted from turbulent sleep and noticed her right hand was hurting when she tried to rub her eyes. She looked at her bruised knuckles in confusion, trying to remember how she hurt her hand. She tried to scooch away from Bucky to go to the bathroom but he just pulled her closer and mumbled into her hair.

Star sighed "Bucky, I really need to pee and it's almost time to get up."

He finally relented and she went to use the bathroom and take a shower.

When she came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel she saw Bucky looking at his phone and her mouth fell open.

She sat next to him and gently touched the bruises "Jamie? What happened to your eye? Did you get into a fight?"

Bucky chuckled "No, that's all you, slugger." and smirked at her

She hid her face "What? I did that? Ohmygod! I'm so sorry Jamie, you seem to get caught up in my worst moments."

Bucky smiled at her "Your worst is better than the best day without you. I'm good with it." He pulled the sheet off of her head "Today should be a good day. The attorneys are going to wrap up their cases and then we wait for the jury. It'll all be over soon."

She kissed him softly "I can't wait to go back to my life. I've really missed my horses. With 8 or 12 months training we all should be back in shape to show. Hopefully."

Bucky deflated a little, what if she didn't need him anymore, once the trial was over and John was gone for good.

"Have you got everything all worked out for when you can go home? Back to the Pierce estate?

She shook her head "Ugh, I've always hated that house. My father made it feel like a prison. I think I have a good idea for repurposing it but I'm still working out the details.

No, I'm gonna go back to my house and work at my stable, without anyone looking over my shoulder or telling me what to do, I want to get my life back and leave this mess behind.

Bucky nodded sadly "After everything you've been through, that makes sense. You lost all your freedom and autonomy so it seems natural that you want to get that back."

Y/N leaned up and kissed his chin "Hey, Jamie." He looked in her eyes "You realize that you are a big part of what I want to take back. My house is pretty big. Not a mansion but 4 bedrooms and an office, pool and all that. It's right next to the stable so heaven.

It'll take a bit to get some of my programs back up and running but I'll get it there."

She looked at the clock and then pushed on his arm "It's time to get moving. It's already 6 and we need to be there at 8 so get your ass in the shower."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once they were at court the closing arguments didn't include anything new or game changing and the jury went to deliberate.

Before they had even left the parking lot her attorneys phone rang and they were called back. He told Star that was a good sign and Bucky held her hand as they walked back.

The verdict was more than she could have asked for, John was found guilty on all counts of rape, abuse and everything else he had done to her. The sentencing hearing was in 2 weeks and the trial regarding his political crimes was scheduled for next month.

John Walker's carefully crafted life was falling apart in front of his eyes and he couldn't do anything about any of it. To add insult to injury he saw that dirty biker kissing his now ex wife in the middle of the courtroom.

John swore and threw some names at Star but she just laughed "You have no power over me John. Our unfortunate association is done and you are nothing but a sad little man that's going away." She blew him a kiss and left with Bucky.

That evening, Tony insisted on taking everyone out to celebrate. They went to one of the best restaurants in the city and closed the place down. They didn't leave until after 3am and the only one who was sober was Happy, since he was the driver.

Y/N and Bucky were attached at the hip, each feeling nervous about what comes next and unwilling to let go of the other.

When they arrived back at Stark tower, Bucky had to help Star keep upright until they made it to her rooms. Once inside he propped her up against the door and kissed her deeply, only pulling away when he needed to breathe. He looked at her with heart eyes until he realized something, then looked away and picked her up to carry to her room.

Star never stopped kissing and nibbling on his neck, pulling his hair which made him groan. He set her gently on the bed, then tried to pull away but she wasn't having it.

"Jamie" she whined "Please, stay. I need you."

"I'm just going to get you some water and pain killers, or you'll regret it in the morning."

He returned and coaxed her to take the pills and drink the water.

She laid back down and pulled him with her, grabbing at his shirt to remove it.

Bucky sighed and stopped her gently "You need to get some sleep doll, we can't do this right now."

Star looked up at him and slurred "But, why. I thought you wanted me. I thought-" her eyes filled with tears.

He shushed her softly "No, Star. I do want you honey but not like this. I want you to remember every detail and you're too drunk right now. I promise I'm yours, for as long as you want me but I don't want our first time back together to be when you can't consent and won't remember. I'll still be here in the morning if you still interested and up for it." He took his jeans off and climbed into bed with her only to realize she was already passed out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Star woke with a groan, quickly moving her arm to cover her eyes even though the room was pretty dark. The smell of coffee and bacon hit her and her stomach clenched, making her bolt to the bathroom to empty it.

When she was empty she brushed her teeth then wandered out to the kitchen. Bucky was over the stove making bacon and eggs.

"There's my morning Star, how are you feeling?" He asked cheerfully, offering a mug of coffee.

Star growled as she accepted "How can you be so bright eyed and cheerful after all you drank last night."

He chuckled "I didn't drink near as much as you did and I have some crazy high tolerance after the military and my profession as a dirty biker." He looked at her, smirking.

"I don't remember much after we arrived at the restaurant. Tony kept ordering round after round and, yeah. That's I-" she paled, "I'm gonna be sick" and ran to the bathroom.

Bucky took the food off of the stove and hurried after her but the door was locked "You ok Star?"

"Yeah" she yelped "I'll be out in a few."

Star held in the tears until she heard him walk away and could let them out. She remembered bits of last night, most importantly how she threw herself at him and he turned her down. His explanation was fuzzy but the bottom line was that he didn't want her. All the loving words and actions drained from her memory and all she could see or feel was the rejection. She was a fool for thinking he would still want her after everything, convincing herself that he helped her out of guilt but would be leaving her behind soon since John was out of the way.

When her stomach stopped heaving she brushed her teeth again, washed her face and went back to the kitchen.

"Are you ok sweetheart? Do you want to try to eat something?"

Star nodded without saying anything and swallowed down as much food as ahe could stand. Once she finished she just sat there sipping her coffee.

"Hey, Star did I say something? Are younsure you're ok?"

She tried not to look at him but he cupped her cheek and felt the tears on her cheek "Why are you crying baby? Please let me help."

She spoke so softly he almost didn't hear her "you dont have to stay."

He looked at her confused "But I want to stay. Unless you want me to go."

She shrugged "Well, the trial is over and John is going away for awhile and I'm going to move back home. You shouldn't stay with me out of guilt."

"What? Baby, I told you I want to be with you. Forever. I meant that when I said it 3 years ago and I meant it yesterday. You don't be rid of me so easily."

He pulled her into him. "I'll tell you every single day if it'll convince you. I love you Star and want to spend the rest of my life with you."

She looked up at him with tear filled eyes "You sure you won't get tired of my insecurities?"

"Positive but I also plan to help assuage your insecurity by always being here for you." He kissed her on the nose "Promise.

Now, don't we have some packing to do, so we can go home?"

@pattiemac1 @hhiggs

Chapter 18

[half-tabaxi]

A stream of consciousness. Not a new realization but I check in on distanced people more than they check in on me. I think I have come up with some ideas to play around with for a new poem! A little stoked because I haven't written one in awhile. Keep accidentally hanging out with dudes who ultimately just want to have sex. The benefit of the doubt hardly ever benefits me. There was one cool dude this past week, I guess. The thing is, when they skirt around their intentions, I kind of get off on getting them to just like. Voice it aloud. At some point during the night, I learn he is moving across the damn ass country soon and take note, considering I want something long-term. Later we start to makeout and it's fun, it's whatever. I like kissing. We break away after a little bit and I suggest that we walk to the corner store. He agrees, slipping in an "after". After what? Answer the question. And he eventually did. I want to fuck you. Surprise. He didn't even finger me. It was fine. See you never. My roommate is home from a 2-month thing. I cleaned the apartment from top to bottom... all of its nooks and crannies... I hope they feel welcomed! Still some stuff I want to hang and touch-up, all easily overlooked though. They are my secrets. Things just need to look lived in now. It's all too.... untouched... even though in actuality I spent the last few hours putting my hands all over everything. Arguably the most I have in a long time. Dusting and placing and rotating. You get it though... the living room needs to be hung out in.... broken in. I'm sure the suitcases have already made the place feel less... sterilized and proper... no longer like a set. The overhead lighting in the kitchen is harsh, always has been... often takes me out of reality! I have an idea to hang these paper pyramid-like string lights that I have had for years and years. Some are beat-up but I think it would add to the space... give us more options... and it just would be cute. Before my shower I removed the stain glass lightbulb, only leaving in two small red ones. Stood there, the water nice and hot. Sat on the tub floor. Closed my eyes. Leaned forward. Listened to the music I chose. Got out, screwed the loose bulb back in. I have an ongoing joke with myself that I will find my missing hard drive in a stupid silly fucking place, coping about it an entire year later. I noticed that I had some board games that were still taped shut from when I moved. Laughed with myself about the possibilities and opened them up. I am still holding out hope but no luck this time! I may knock on my old front door one day. I kind of resent the new owners for buying my home though. And how quick it all was. Like, get fucked, but also can I please have my hard drive? I mean, if it's in there. What I did find was a pile of half-used notepad sheets for a game that hasn't been played in forever. Some of them were drawn on by people I no longer speak to. One had a doodle done by my ex-boyfriend. It's weird to think about how I have lived, like, thirteen different lives. I think I would forgive a lot of people. Or even apologize to them. I also found two 8-in-1 retractable ballpoint pens. So, like, some treasure and a lot of thoughts. I did a little bit of glueing and taping and messing around in my journal. I feel I am doing okay in a very general sense. Trying my best and keeping up. I could do better. Can't we all though? Is that a cop-out? I don't care about money, I don't know, it's just practically all my parents would argue about in front of us. I don't care as long as my shit gets paid on time. But I think I have to shift gears and thought processes because I would like to live a little more comfortably, ultimately concerning myself with it less. Gonna look over my resume. Keep going, keep busy. Try to slim down my closet. Fix my camera. Maybe it did end up working on my last trip. Do this and that. Keep on playing Tears of the Kingdom and text dudes less. There's more passion involved with the former. Used used used. Wondering. Navigating. October is almost here.

[starshapedkookie]

COMING SOON

summary: You and Jungkook have been best friends for 8 years, going through absolute hell and back together. After senior year of high school, you and Jungkook began a tradition of taking annual vacations together during the summer months. This summer is no different, with you and Jungkook celebrating graduating college just a couple months prior. You're set to move to NYC after the summer, with you and Jungkook soaking in the sun and as many moments as you can together. You'd think nothing could ever tear your friendship apart with him, but when you've sat on the beach for too many days in a row watching him surf, you can't help but wonder - when did your best friend get so hot?

➢ pairing: jungkook x female reader

➢ genre: high school friends to lovers, ex-baseball player jungkook, beach/vacation au, fluff, smut, a little angst

➢ warnings: none for preview minus some language (full warnings to come when full thing is posted!) also i know that in the little mood board i created, the girl is a teeny white girl & i don't want to alienate any of my poc readers at all - i just thought these pics fit the vibe so take them with a grain of salt 😊

➢ word count: 13.3 k

➢ mini playlist: at the end of the day by wallows, satellite, late night talking, carolina by harry styles, love drought by beyonce, ICE (we should do drugs) by labrinth, unusual you by britney spears

i have no idea who i am writing this much but in honor of BTS comeback here's a little preview below! ↓

“See this isn’t too bad,” he then says looking over his shoulder to meet your gaze. 

“We’re sitting ducks Jungkook,” you mumble, eyes looking around the water, still slightly paranoid. There’s a few other people in the water and a couple surfers which makes you feel a little better. 

“It’s okay to get out of your comfort zone you know,” he raises a brow when you climb off his back, deciding to swim close in front of him. Both of you float with only a few inches between you two, water at your chests. 

“Mhm,” you say sarcastically, “That’s what they all say before they’ve gotten their leg bit off,” you move your arms around to keep you wading. Thankfully it didn’t take long to get used to the chilly water. 

He bites his lip as he watches you with an amused expression. You push away the way it makes you feel. 

“You know that’s why I wanted to be your friend right?” 

You furrow your eyebrows, moving to float on your back. Jungkook being the gentlemen he is, he ends up beside you, his arms giving your back some support in the water as you float. 

“What do you mean?” You ask him. 

You can’t see his expression as you’ve closed your eyes, the sun too bright to keep them open. His fingertips graze your skin every few seconds and you swear it feels like electricity running through your spine. 

“You’ve always been the one to get me out of my comfort zone,” he points out like it’s obvious—though you’ve never had an inkling of this. 

You open one eye at him in a squint, his face a lot closer to yours than you expected, “I don’t think so,” you laugh a little awkwardly as you give up on floating, settling back to your normal swimming position with him in front of you. 

“I wouldn’t lie Y/N,” he laughs in return, “You’ve known me for a long time, you know how fucking weird I used to be.” 

“Hey you weren’t weird,” you defend him, “Just a little awkward and going through puberty.” 

He rolls his eyes, “Fucking weird,” he repeats, “I just mean I’ve never had a friend that’s always pushed me to do things I normally wouldn’t do. Hell just the vacations we’ve taken together is just one example,” he pauses, his next words cutting him a little deep, “I feel like you’re the reason I ever had a life outside of baseball.” 

You bite your lip under the water as you don’t break his heavy eye contact. You’d never realize Jungkook thought that highly of you. It makes you feel giddy on the inside, but also a little sad that you were never that confident in your abilities as a friend. If anything, you thought Jungkook brought you out of your shell more. 

“I’m just a small part of your life Jungkook,” is what you settle on. 

They way his face falls doesn’t go unnoticed, “Trust me,” he pauses beginning a swim back to shore for you to follow him, “You’re a pretty big part Y/N.”

[novelcain]

I have a small head cannon now with my version of reader that I wanted to share with you:

She has a lotus pin in her hair due to her association with Quanyin and it has the added bonus of extra protection (like a protection seal)

Just wanted to share, now I’m going back into my hole to finally finish a fic that’s been giving me writers block for two months now.

*gets slapped with writers block in the face*

Gosh darn it….

(By the way any tips on how to overcome writers block?)

That's a pretty interesting idea. Like a lil fashionable talisman~

And good luck with your writing hope you can get through the writers block

As far as tips go, I unfortunately can't help much in the writer's/artist's block since I don't really get it.😬 If anything I just get bursts of laziness where I don't wanna pick up my laptop cause that's too much effort and so end up curled up in my nest scrolling through tiktok all day. But to remedy that, I just force myself to pick up my laptop or @lovesick-ritz will kindly hand it to me so I can get things done.

So here's the tips that I could think of:

Set a designated area or method for writing (ex. I only write on my laptop bc I've assigned it mentally as my preferred place to write)

Make it as easy as possible for you to write (ie. leave the writing tabs open. I personally never have word closed there's always at least my notes tab open but I usually have at least 3 word tabs don't ask me why I'm addicted to keeping tabs open)

Try to get rid of as many distractions as you can like unneeded social media (having a tumblr tab open is always my down fall cause I get distracted by asks)

Since I have adhd and autism complete silence honestly distracts me more than anything so I like to play this 10 hour thunder storm video on YouTube (this also helps with my tinnitus in case anyone else got that)

Another thing I've been told that help is just start writing little notes or just anything at all and maybe that'll spur you into what you want to be writing

Also some random tips if found useful when it comes to writing/drawing:

If you hyperfixate on writing and drawing for long periods of time like I do (like I'm talking about 8 hour sit down don't move sessions) get water and a couple snacks before you start and be sure to stretch at least once an hour

Remember to specifically do full hand stretches to avoid carpal tunnel and writer's/artist's arthritis

Try to get up and walk around as much as possible (if you can as someone with walking issues I know that isn't always easy or even possible)

One thing I like to do to rest my eyes and brain is after a few hours I'll go to Spotify and play a few songs (or in my case one song on repeat I've been particularly obsessed with the Epic sagas since they've come out and have been constant listening to Survive in the Cyclops saga) with your eyes closed. Staring at a screen all day can be harmful to your eyes and brain.

And for drawing with adhd, if you're working on a long piece it can get frustrating to work on one part for long periods of time so keep in mind that if you're start to feel bored or tired with the part that you're working on it's ok to move to a different part. (ie. you've been working on the hair for a while and start to feel understimulated to move to the face or even a completely different area so get that stimulation) It's not like a story where you gotta remember plot points and continuity the whole thing is right there so just work on whatever part catches your fancy. Or hell if you get bored just draw lil scribbles for a second in a corner somewhere until you feel up to going back to the piece.

Please keep in mind while reading these that I by no means have healthy habits. As I stated I hyperfixate on projects and will often neglect my human needs for extremely long periods on accident; however, I am lucky enough to have a very attentive partner that reminds me and encourages me to take care of myself and helps me when I can't. (Love you Ritz. Literally couldn't live without you~ mwah💜)

HOWEVER! Because of this I am extremely used to living with unhealthy habits and have an OBSENE amount of tips for dealing/living with them so if anyone wants some autism/adhd/depression/anxiety (all of which I have kinda extreme forms of) life tips lemme know and I'll write a whole essay for you. Tho again I will say these tips are not cures. These conditions are permanent so these tips would just be ways to make living with them a little easier. (Honestly I might just make that post even if no one asks for it on the off chance that helps even one person)

[astroyongie]

TXT - November Reading Edition

Note : please remember to take these readings lightly and with a grain of salt. next coming are: ITZY, NCT 127, Aespa, NCT Dream, IVE, WayV, Red Velvet, BTS, Gidle and Treasure 

Yeonjun

Love: it seems like Yeonjun and his partner went through some harsh time. It feels like they had broke up but at the same time their history isn’t finished yet. Like there’s still some things to talk about and make clear. It was not the most healthiest relationship compared to when they first started to date. Yeonjun might have been a little bit too authoritative with them

Career: He is having a little bit of trouble to focus on his work, a little bit lazy lately but he is still managing it well and he is balanced enough to know when to rest and when to work. He has been having a lot of money too, spending quite a lot. I feel like he writes a lot about his experiences.

Health:

Physical: X

Emotional: He sometimes feels like his mind is a prison he cannot escape of

Dates: 2, 7 and 17 (Days or December)

Soobin

Love: He is still single after his last breakup and it seems like despite his “male energy” and despite seeing people sometimes fo this needs he gets bored easily and he runs away from everyone when things get too attached. He also hasn’t”’t forgotten about his ex yet.

Career: He had been having some trouble when it comes to his career to know what he really wants. However he is surrounded by professionals that help him making the right decisions. He wants to try acting

Health:

Physical: Needs to be careful with hair loss, his skin and his face in general but also his bones and backs. Needs to eat more properly

Emotional: He is in a bad state mentally, depression episodes happen often, he doesn’t sleep or eat well, a lot going on in his mind and he feels extremely lonely

Dates: 21 November, 5 days or December and 6 months

Beomgyu

Love: Still in his realtionship with he same person however it feels like the realtionship became more “open”. He is happy with the situation he has now, free to be with that person and still see other people if he wants to. He knows he is “impossible to love and love”. It feels like he has been ignoring/havign conflicts with his family as well

Career:  Things rent going very well for him when it comes to his career. He has a lot of burdens and work that he doesn’t know how to manage, he feels stressed everything he has to do something idols related and there’s a lot of conflict and arguments within himself but also with his staff, company and members.

Health:

Physical: He should check for any heart disease and his digestive system, he needs to eat a little more and eat healthier

Emotional: Stuck in the past but overall okay

Dates: tomorrow, 1st of December, 26 of November, 13 days or December

Taehyun

Love: It seems that since my last reading, Taehyun had someone in his life however they have broke up like two weeks ago. He is currently moving on from that place and it was also due to cheating (don’t know who did it tho)

Career:  Things are equally complicated when it comes to projects that have been negative to him and poor money income as well. I feel like he has someone in the company that enjoys putting difficulties in his life however he knows about it

Health:

Physical: Stomach aches are recurrent

Emotional: Not in his best state of mind either, he has a lot of negative self talk and bad ideas? Despite knowing it’s not a good thing he can’t help it

Dates: 8 days or December, 15 days or December, 28 of November

Kai

Love: It seems like Kai had his eyes on someone but things didn’t go his way. He feels slightly betrayed and disappointed because he really thought that this could work out with this person. I also feel like he has no luck in life at the moment due to karmic blockages and energetic blockages

Career: He fought with someone (I don’t know if its a teammate or someone in the company) but this person also doesn’t want him any good (just like Taehyun’s situation) and are here to make his life more complicated. He comforted this person however but he is still very angry about his career situation

Health:

Physical: He should check for diabetes or insulin levels, bladder and kidney troubles  

Emotional: X

Dates: 18 and 14 (days or December) , 27 of November

[dxncingwithastrxnger]

remember that night? (Mileven)

A/N: Soooo, this was very impromptu because I heard the song that inspired this and suddenly I couldn't get this whole idea/concept out of my head, so hear you go!!!! Please, this took me forever, I started this at like 6am and it's currently 8:38am, I've been sitting on the kitchen floor for 2 hours typing this out on my phone 💀💀💀 I'll come back to this later in the day and proofread plus add stuff like a moodboard and word count and whatnot!!! Thank you for reading!!! I hope you enjoy!!!! Lemme know what you think of this one :DDD

Pairing: Mike Wheeler x El Hopper

Summary: El gets an unexpected call from her ex and it leads her into a spiral all over again.

Tags: Angst, that’s pretty much all this is, folks

Word Count: 1,957

Song Inspiration: This is a song fic. All the bold italic lines are song lyrics from a song called remember that night? By Sara Kays :)))

Not beta’d, all mistakes are my own.

×××××××××××××××××××

The day after you said goodbye

El placed her shaking hands flat on the counter, her breathing shallow. She was trying to ground herself, focusing on the cold of the granite, the strange, natural patterns that were in it.

All I did was lay in bed and cry

As she was counting her breaths, somewhere around 37, her phone started ringing again and she flinched, her eyes flying open. Her phone screen was lit up, that dreaded number appearing on it. She knows it's the same number. How could she not? She has it memorized, imprinted in her mind. There's no way she could forget it no matter how much she wants to.

But after one month, I started to move on

El swallowed roughly, staring at the phone screen until her vision of it turned blurry. She blinked rapidly and turned her face away, but as always, she was drawn right to him. Her eyes betrayed her and strayed back to the phone, zoning in on the answer button.

And after two, I felt alright

Before she could even think about her split-second decision, her hand was reaching for the phone. She took a deep breath. Was she really going to do this? A tear involuntarily slipped down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away in frustration. She'd gotten this far, and it was clear he was only going to keep calling. This was the third time his number had popped up. She closed her eyes, counted to three, and pressed the little green button as she put the phone to her ear.

Then three months in, you were off my mind

"Hello?" She asks, hoping her voice doesn't sound as unsteady to him as it does to her.

"El, thank goodness. You finally picked up." Mike says, his voice full of both relief and trepidation.

As soon as he speaks, more tears instantly fall down her cheeks and she has to cover her mouth to stifle a gasp that's made its way from her lips.

And month four and five, I was living my life

"...El?" He asks her after her end stays silent for too long, sounding even more uncertain now.

"Y-yeah, I'm here. I-I'm here." El tells him, cursing herself for stuttering.

"Oh, good, good." Mike says, then falls silent.

I was better and didn't have to try

"Sooo... is there a reason you called?" El asks him, a part of her genuinely curious. The rest of her just wants to run away and never speak to him again. Just like she had originally planned. She didn't realize that he would be the one coming back and ruining those plans.

"Oh yeah! Yeah, definitely, um," Mike paused. "Sorry, I guess I just, I don't know... In all honesty, I didn't really have an exact plan for what I would say if you actually picked up the phone." He admitted sheepishly.

El's lips quirk up and she speaks before she can think about her next words. "You never really were one for plans in the first place." She whispers.

"You're totally right." He whispers back, and she can practically see the grin stretching across his face now. It both made her flinch and drew her in closer to her phone. Damn him.

Not to think of you, 'til you reached out

"So," She licked her lips to wet them. "What have you been up to?" She asks him, her voice still low and soft, just right above a whisper.

"N-not much, really. I mean, hanging out with the guys, playing games, school, trying to find a job." He scoffs a little at the end.

El nods, turning her back to the counter and lowering herself to the ground, sitting on the floor cross-legged, her back against the kitchen cupboards. "Sounds fun." She says, trying to make her voice sound light.

And said, "Remember that night?"

"Yeah, I guess." He says. "What about you, though, El?"

El chews on the inside of her lip, her hand balling into a fist on her knee at his constant use of her name. There was nothing wrong with the way he said it, with the way he always seemed like he wanted to say it as much as possible. And that was the problem. Whenever he says her name, his voice goes all gentle and soft, as if just the name itself was this precious thing that had to be handled carefully. Her entire body was shaking by this point.

"I haven't been up to very much either, honestly. Just the same old things. School and home and dance." She tells him honestly. She leaves out the part where she mostly stays at home nowadays in order to avoid seeing him.

We went for a drive, 2:30 in the morning

There was silence for a moment, and right as she was about to ask if he was still there, he suddenly spoke again. "I miss watching you dance." Mike told her truthfully. His voice was uncharacteristically shaky and it gave her pause. Did he mean...? She gritted her teeth. No, she couldn't let herself read too far into it. She couldn't let herself have hope.

She shakes her head at herself. "Yeah, it was always really fun when you were around for practice." She admits.

The air around them was heavier than before, if that was at all possible. Something had changed on Mike's end. She couldn't quite put her finger on it. But it was definitely there.

Suddenly, Mike lets out a little laugh. "Do you remember the first recital of yours that I ever went to?" He asks her, something in his voice that she couldn't read very well.

I kissed you, it was pouring

She couldn't help but share in his amusement a little bit, the memory always making her smile even if it was not tainted beyond repair. "Of course I do. How could I not? It was the one and only time I'd ever tripped in front of a live audience." She says, her cheeks burning with both leftover embarrassment and something else that she didn't want to think about.

He laughs again, this one less hesitant. "You took one look at me and your eyes got so big. And then you tripped and I felt like this big douche for not even telling you I was coming, but then you got back up and carried on as if nothing had happened." Mike pauses, and El hears him let out a slow, shallow breath. "And after that, everytime you managed to lock eyes with me, your eyes would shine even brighter, if that was even possible, and your smile would get impossibly wide. You were grinning as if you were the luckiest person in the world, just cause I showed up to see you dance in front of a whole crowd of people. That's when I knew I'd made the right choice in showing up that night." He told her, his voice dropping back down to a whisper during his entire admission.

We held each other tight before the night was over

El felt like she couldn't breathe. Her chest was tight and her eyes burned and every part of her felt physically numb. Like if she tried to move, she'd just fall over and stay stuck there until her limbs decided to wake back up.

Despite how she felt, clearly at least some parts of her could still function because without her consent, her mouth opened and spoke. "That's because at the time, I felt like I was the luckiest person in the world." She tells him, her voice so quiet that she wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't heard her. "You made me feel that way" was left unspoken.

You looked over your shoulder

Despite what she had hoped, he did hear her. "Did I really?" Mike asked El. His voice was a strange mix of hopeful and confused.

El's brows furrow. Hadn't she told him that so many times before? While they were dating? Why was he so surprised? She asks herself, feeling just as confused as he sounded. "Of course you did. You made me feel incredible." She insists, not being able to stand for him not knowing it, no matter what's happened between them now. How could he not know that?

Oh, I was doing fine

Mike let out a self-deprecating scoff. "I didn't realize you actually meant that." He whispers again, voice now dripping with resentment and frustration. Something told El that it wasn't directed at her, which only made her more concerned.

"Mike," She starts, pausing when she hears a sharp intake of breath on his end. That's when she realizes that this is the first time she had said his name outloud this whole time. She pushes forward and continues, ignoring his reaction. "Are you okay?" She asks sincerely, genuinely wanting to know.

You said, "Remember that night?"

Mike clears his throat louder than necessary. "I-I mean, I'm, I'm o-okay." He stutters out unconvincingly.

El's lips turn down further. "No, Mike, you're not." She says softly.

"No, El, seriously, I'm fine." He insists, managing not to stutter through his lie this time. "You don't have to worry about me at all."

"Remember that night?"

"Do you promise?" She questions, testing him. Both of them know the significance of a promise. Especially to each other. At least, they both did when they were still together. She could only hope that it still held that same importance for him.

He stayed silent and this time she just waited. Waited to see if he would say it or if he would keep their silent, unspoken agreement. Half of her hoped that he would break it just so that she could convince herself that their breakup was the right choice for the both of them. So that she could convince herself that it never would've lasted. The other half of her, the traitorous half, was filled with hope that he wouldn't break it, that he wouldn't let her down, that he was still that same boy she still loved no matter how hard she tried not to.

Oh, I was doing fine

Finally, he spoke up. "E-El, I think I should g-go." He tells her, the tone of his voice not as easy to read as before. "I shouldn't of called anyways."

The tears return to El's eyes again at his words. He's leaving me again. She can't help but think, though she knows it's not quite the same as before.

"O-oh, o-okay." Is all she can manage to get out, her throat burning.

"I'm...sorry for bothering you." He says before he hangs up, her phone beeping to let her know that the call had ended.

You said, "Remember that night?"

She slowly lowers the phone away from her ear and places it on the ground beside her, staring forward blankly as tears start spilling from her eyes. Suddenly, she can't hold it back anymore, and she breaks. A loud, gut-wrenching sob punches it's way from her throat like a cry for help and she falls to the floor on her side, curling up into a ball and holding herself as best as she can.

After a moment, she hears running footsteps, and then her dad and stepmom are entering the kitchen, looking frantic. She doesn't care, doesn't react to their entrance, barely even spares them a glance. She isn't able to even if she wanted to.

"Remember that night?"

The next thing she knows, Joyce is lifting up the top half of her body and pulling El halfway into her lap, wrapping her arms around her in a tight embrace, running her hands through El's hair and pressing kisses to the crown of her head.

El latches onto Joyce's arms like they're her lifeline, and maybe they are. She sobs and cries and whimpers, at some point feeling a gentle hand on her ankle that she assumes is her father's. She lets it all out as Joyce tries her best to convince her that it'll all be okay. El hopes that she's right.

×××××××××××××××××××

A/N: What do y'all think of this one??? Do we like the song fics or nah?? 👀 Lemme know, please!!! If you guys want me to, I can make a part 2 and maybe even write this part again but from Mike's pov!!!! Lemme know which you want or if you want both, pretty please!!!! It'll be greatly appreciated!!!!! Hope you're having an amazing day/night!!!!! 💜💜💜

[ah-ga-seven]

No More Pain | Jung Jaehyun

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x Fem!reader 

Synopsis: The lingering wounds of your miscarriage have reopened. Now that you are broken up, an unforseen change in Jaehyun’s life has brought him back to your doorstep. Will he be able to fix you this time? Or will he fail just the same as before?

Genre: Angst, One Shot. 

Warnings: mentions of the reader having a miscarriage, depression, alcohol addiction and heartbreak.

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: Probably one of the heaviest angsts I’ve written. I know the subject is rough but the idea came from a dream so I just had to write it down.

This was a different kind of pang to your heart.

You’ve had your fair share of tragedies, heartbreaks and disappointments, but this…

This feeling was nothing like anything you’ve ever felt before and quite frankly, you wouldn’t wish this upon your greatest enemy.  

It was a Thursday night, one like many where you decided to stay in and recharge from a busy day at your demanding job.

You were seated on your couch with a hot cup of tea as you mindlessly scrolled through your Instagram feed. Completely wrapped in the warmth of your favorite fleece blanket. But even the thick fluffy material couldn’t protect you from the cold shivers that ran down your spine.

You blankly stare at the post your best friend forwarded to you via dm and stiffened.  

Memories of the night you miscarried 4 months into your pregnancy flood back to you as you stare at his comment.

You remembered how broken he looked when the doctor couldn’t find the baby's heartbeat anymore.  

You remembered how he held you as you cried in his arms, promising that he’d love you just the same as he tried to console you to his best ability while suffering himself.

You remembered the pain and the relief of having Jaehyun by your side through it all. Glad that even though your life was about to change forever, he’d be the one constant thing you could rely on.

You remembered all of these moments like they happened yesterday, wishing future you could mentally prepare past you for what was going to be the hardest time in your life.  

The man who swore never to leave you did just that, and not even 6 months into his new relationship, your biggest insecurity was made into a reality.  

He had moved on for good, and even though you have no ill feelings towards him, you can’t help but feel anger over sadness right now.  

It was that easy to replace you. And that easy for him to find someone that could give him what you couldn’t.

Even though your miscarriage wasn’t the direct cause of why he left, the effects of the incidence on your mental health dragged him down with you. So both of you felt it’d be better to part ways for the sake of not wanting to hate or resent each other in the end.  

But God…you hated and resented him now more than ever.  

It didn’t matter to you that both of you started to date new people, because a part of you always held on to the fact that you’d somehow find your way back to each other, though the probability of that ever happening again turned to ash.

Your miscarriage broke you.  

No appetite for weeks, no motivation to get yourself out of bed and no cure for the monsters in your head who told you that Jaehyun was only sticking around out of pity for your broken state.

That same insecurity is what drove him into the arms of the women he told you not to worry about, and now they’re having a fucking child together.  

Knowing that that should’ve been you was a thought that was just too much to bear right now. You suddenly feel sick to your stomach, tears prickling your eyes as you rub the spot on your belly where the mini bump used to be 8 months ago.

You were finally doing better, thriving in your job and social life. Meeting new people and dating a few loose ends here and there, but you can already feel yourself spiraling back into old depressional habits as you stare at the picture once more.  

You pettily decide to like it, hoping it would spark interest from none other than your ex, and much to your surprise, it did.

Not even 20 minutes later your phone started to buzz on the counter as you poured yourself a glass of wine. You mindlessly retrieve it, expecting it to be your best friend but when you see his name as you take a sip you almost choke.

Is he serious?

You try to come up with what to say for the next 3 to 5 minutes but nothing in your head seems to translate your exact feelings to your fingertips.

You sigh in agony while leaning over on your kitchen counter with your phone still in your hands, reading his messages over and over again. You subconsciously start to bite your lip in deep thought, getting startled by your ringtone as your phone starts to ring in your grasp.

“Fuck,” you mumble to yourself, taking a big chug of the alcoholic beverage in front of you, putting on the bravest face and straightest posture to make yourself feel better before accepting the call.  

You knew you didn’t have to answer, but you were dying to hear what he had to say under these circumstances.  

“Y/N? Is that you?” His voice was unchanged. You didn’t know why, but you expected him to sound different, be different. Yet the same worry he’s always had for you was evident in his tone this time as well.

You clear your throat to avoid a voice crack and sigh. “Congratulations,” you tried to sound as genuine as you could, but you knew you sounded like shit.  

You start to play with the ends of your hair out of anxious anticipation, waiting for him to respond on the other end of the line.  

“I meant to tell you,” he starts. “I just…I didn’t know how and Chaeyoung suddenly uploaded the picture and-”

“Jae…please spare me the details,” you interrupt him. Saying his name like you used to felt like speaking a foreign language. He stayed quiet upon hearing your voice again and let out a frustrated sigh.

“Do you still live in the same apartment in Itaewon?” he suddenly asks, immediately alerting you to stand up straight because he could only be asking for one reason and one reason only.

“Y-yes.”

“Good, I’m on my way.”

Just like that, he hung up and just like that your heart rate starts to race uncontrollably.  

You down the remnants of your wine glass and hope he’s isn’t too close because your place looked far from neat. For the next 15 minutes, you run around, shoving things into random cabinets. Whether those items belonged there or not was the least of your concern and just as you fluff the last pillow on your couch, your doorbell rings.

You take a deep breath, calming your nerves as you walk up to your front door, taking it off the lock before you open it with a dramatic swing.

There he was. Jung Jaehyun.

As beautiful and put together as he always looked, no matter the circumstance. You forget how to breathe when you lay eyes on him and gulp. It’s actually him.

His big dark orbs widened as he laid eyes on you after months of not seeing you. His facial expression softened, slowly parting his lips to speak but you beat him to it when you broke out of your trance.  

“What are you doing here?” your shoulders fall as you look into his eyes for answers. The same eyes that once looked at you with so much love and adoration, but right now his pupils were stressfully darting back and forth, trying to read you like he used to be able to but he had no idea what you were feeling right now.

“Because I feel like shit y/n. Please let me in and let me explain,” he pleaded with a defeated tone.

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “What is there to explain? You knocked up your girlfriend and finally got what you wanted. Why bother coming here? To rub it into my face?”  

Your plan of staying calm and collected went completely out the window just now and you could tell by the shock on his face that he did not expect you to be angry with him.

He took a step forward, backing you into your own hallway. His height towered over you when you stepped back and without looking back he closed the door behind him.

“Y/n. I would never purposely do that to you. Ever.” You ignore his statement, narrowing your eyes at him.

“I don’t remember inviting you in Jaehyun. Does she even know you’re here?”

You hold your ground, crossing your arms over your chest as you wait for him to counter your attack, but he simply shook his head. Knowing damn well that you’re acting tough just so you won’t get emotional.  

As he’s scanning the premises, his eyes linger on the red wine bottle on your kitchen counter and with a look of utter disbelief, he averts his attention back on you.

“You’re drinking again?” he asks with an almost condescending tone.  

“Did you come here to practice your parenting skills because no thanks Jae, please leave,” you bite back as coldly as you could, but he wasn’t having it.

“That shit almost killed you and you’re just casually drinking again?” He runs his hand through his locks out of pure frustration, not knowing what to do with the misplaced feeling of still caring for you just the same, while also knowing he has no business to tell you how to live your life.

The truth is, Jaehyun had no idea what he was doing here. Everything about the situation felt wrong and he couldn’t lie to himself any longer. Ever since Chaeyoung told him she was pregnant; he couldn’t be fully happy about it. He couldn’t commit to fatherhood knowing how much it broke your relationship. How much it broke the women he loved most to this day.

“A little red wine didn’t hurt anyone,” you mumble under your breath and that comment alone send Jaehyun’s emotions into overdrive, unable to hide his disappointment and worry for you any longer.

“IT HURT YOU Y/N. DAMN IT!” He raised his voice at you as he roughly grabbed your arm to make you look at him, which is the last thing you expected. He wasn’t mad at you. He was mad at himself. Mad at the fact that he wasn’t there when you needed him most and mad at the fact that this is what your lives had come to.

You might have previously dealt with your pain by drinking, and you might have mindlessly mixed your anti-depressants with your drink once, which…just might have earned you a trip to the hospital, but that was your lowest low and you made sure it’d never happen again.

You beat your demons by yourself when he had already moved on, so he had no place to waltz back into your life when he felt like it, just to judge you.

You’re absolutely fuming by now because of that same reason and much to your dismay you feel new tears well up in your eyes.  

“NO, YOU HURT ME!” you yell back at him as you smack his chest, the salty droplets streaming down your face as you kept hitting his chest to make him feel your pain. “YOU LEFT ME.”

Your knees got weak and you knew you looked absolutely pathetic as you crouched down in front of him. Shock took over his features as he got down on his own knees just as quickly, pulling you into the comfort of his arms. The warmth that you used to call home and the warmth that always seemed to calm you down engulfed you completely, a feeling your favorite fleece blanket from before could hardly imitate.  

He patted your head with assuring strokes, whispering sweet nothings to you as he held you on the floor of your apartment. Letting you sob the pain away in his black shirt. “Shhh, it’s okay…” he kissed the top of your head, caressing your cheek as he wiped away your tears.

You calmed down slowly, ignoring the suffocating ache in your head and heart while he made you feel safe and sound like he always did. You sat there like that for God knows how long, letting your minds go into overdrive as silence comforted the both of you.  

Ironically enough, this scenery was the exact same as the one in the hospital 8 months ago. You cried in his arms just like this when you had lost your child, but now you were crying because you had lost him. For good now.  

“I would never purposely plan to have a baby this quickly y/n, you have to believe me. Chae was on birth control but it just…happened,” he whispers, finally breaking the agonizing silence.

You stay quiet, closing your eyes to the sound of his low voice, letting his words register. “I was going to tell you. I was planning to ask you out for a coffee but as soon as she passed her first trimester, she was just so excited and made the announcement…it was just bad timing.”

“All of this is bad timing,” you mumble, which made him nod in agreement. He sighed into your hair as he continued to explain. “Y/n, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care for you anymore. I wish things were different, but they simply aren’t and I’m sorry.”

You sniff, dabbing your tears and your nose with the sleeves of your blouse before looking up at him through your lashes.

“You don’t have to apologize for moving on and being happy Jaehyun. It’s all I ever wanted for you.” You wipe the single tear that remained on the corner of his eye, not having realized that he shed a few tears himself too.

He leaned into your touch as he looked into your eyes before closing them, leaning his forehead onto yours while taking a deep breath.  

“I just want you to be ok.” He says suppressing a sob. “I can’t live this picture-perfect life knowing that you’re in pain y/n. It makes no sense; you deserve so much more it’s not fair.”  

Your lip starts to quiver as his words hit you, and you build up the courage to look at him again.  

He stared at you longingly and lovingly for the first time since forever and you knew a mistake was about to be made when he inched his face closer to you, but it was too late.

His lips made contact with yours and you completely gave in. Letting him lead you into a slow yet passionate kiss that took both of your breaths away.  Before things could get more heated, you realize what was happening and froze.

You take a hold of his wrists as you pull away, your eyes staring into his equally electrified ones as you recompose yourselves.

“I-I’m sorry,” he started. “I should’ve never confused you like that. Fuck. What the fuck am I doing.” He covers his mouth as he got up. Frustrated with his own behavior, he digs his fingernails into the palms of his hands to suppress the urge to swing at your door or any other object in sight for that matter.

You get up just as quickly as well. Straightening out your clothes before shaking off the nerves of what just happened.  

You take a deep breath followed by a shaky exhale as you opened your front door, turning around on your heels to look at an equally distressed Jaehyun.

He was about to speak; about to confess that he still loved you, but you stopped him by raising your hand, motioning for him to keep whatever he was about to say to himself.

Your eyes find his own and you take one last glance at the man that was supposed to be the pillar to your family. The man you used to call yours, and the man that you had hoped to still have a future with, despite everything.  

But you knew better.

You knew what was right and you knew what you had to do before things would start to spiral out of control again.

You stepped aside so he could pass by you, trying to avoid eye contact all while you could still feel his burning stare lingering on your fragile state.

You swallow harshly, licking your lips before you spoke as clearly and steadily as you could.

“For the sake of your family, please leave Jae…and never come back.”  

[idy-ll-ique]

All Mine.

Pairing: Andy Barber x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Smut

Warnings: age gap, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, squirting (damn)

Requested: nope

Summary: Andy Barber has been through a lot. After getting a divorce from his ex-wife, he moves into the house next to the Y/L/Ns. And he has his eyes on Y/N since day one. Little does he know, Y/N likes him too and things get interesting one night.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! Before you ask, no, I haven't watched Defending Jacob yet because I do not have the attention span to watch an entire series. So yeah, this has no spoilers. Also, I'm asexual so don't @ me for the smut please and thank you. Enjoy!

---

"Good morning, Mr Barber!"

He looked up from his phone and saw his neighbor smiling at him. He grinned back at her, his mood immediately lightening. "Hi, Y/N! How many times have I told you, call me Andy," he chided gently, keeping his phone away. "Okay, okay, just feels a little weird, ya know? Anyway, what are you doing here? You almost never take the bus," Y/N chuckled.

He flashed her another grin, his boyish side automatically coming out. It always happened when she was near. Y/N Y/L/N was Andy Barber's cute neighbor, but the only thing is, she was way, way younger than he was, her parents were just a couple of years older than him. Despite the huge age-gap, Y/N had won his heart. And he didn't mind in the slightest.

"My car broke down yesterday, it's at the auto repair shop. I got no other vehicle," he shrugged. Y/N nodded just as she saw her bus approaching. "Are you getting on this one?" she asked him and he squinted. "Nah, not this one. Are you?" She verbally confirmed a yes and turned to look at him fully. "I'll see you later, Mr Barber, bye!" With that, she waved at him and stepped into the bus.

"Andy!" he mouthed when she sat near the window seat, giggling. "Andy," she repeated, winking at him just as the bus turned around the corner. A laugh involuntarily escaped his lips as he ran a hand through his hair. Oh, what am I gonna do with you, angel? Inside the bus, Y/N had to keep herself from fidgeting, too overstimulated after her conversation with the handsome lawyer.

She had had a crush on him ever since he had moved in next-door. Her parents had immediately invited the lone man to dinner and he had, thankfully, accepted. They had a lot of fun; Andy was a proper gentleman, well-spoken, intelligent and extremely handsome. Y/N got a crush on him on the first day itself. She knew about the things his family had been through, and the thought crushed her.

Can't even imagine, your own child, guilty of murder?

Andy and his ex-wife, Laurie had divorced immediately after their son's trial. It was all months ago, though, Andy was doing much better now. He had Y/N, after all. In his thoughts only, but that would suffice. Because he knew, she'd never fall for him. Why would she? He was much older than her, a divorced man, with a son who got convicted for murder.

But Y/N didn't care about any of those things. She liked the Andy who was her awesome, good looking and smart neighbor. That's all that mattered to her. But then came another problem, Y/N's parents. Would they be okay with her going out with him? Of course not! Y/N sighed and leaned her head against the window of the bus; oh God, what ever was she gonna do?

Andy had ruined all men for her.

---

"Come in!"

Looking up, a surprised gasp left the mouths of both; the person inside the office and the person at the door. "Y/N?" Andy blurted out. "Mr Barber?" Y/N blinked as well. "Andy," he corrected incessantly and she waved her arm in dismissal. "Wow, I, uh… I didn't realize— you don't have a name plate outside—" He motioned to the chair in front of him and she sat.

"What happened, darling?"

Y/N unconsciously shivered at the nickname. She loved it when he called her that. "I don't know, my colleague sent me here, she was busy… gave me the address and said there was a file she needed…" Y/N spoke unsurely. Her eyes quickly skimmed over his figure; he had taken off the trenchcoat he was wearing in the morning, leaving him in a tight, white shirt, black trousers and a tie hanging loosely around his neck.

The top three buttons of his shirt were undone, the sleeves rolled to his elbows. Y/N concluded that he looked insanely gorgeous. "Does your colleague happen to be Mrs Renoir? She told me she was coming to get the file." She smiled and nodded at him. "Yes, Mrs Renoir, that's her." Andy smiled back and took out a file from his drawer. "Here you go."

She accepted the file, stowing it away in her bag. "I'll see you!" She moved to get up but Andy tutted, checking his watch. "Why don't you stay, Y/N? It's getting late, we can go home together," he spoke, his eyes soft as he gazed at her. She froze for a moment. "Um, it's fine, I can—" He was shaking his head. "Y/N, if something happens to you, I'll not be able to forgive myself."

What's going on? "Mr Barber—" "Andy." "What do you mean?" He got up from his chair and moved to the couch that was in the room. She sat next to him. "You never stay out this late, Y/N, your parents told me you're usually at home by 8:30. It's almost midnight, and I can't let you venture into the city all alone at this hour. Do you know the dangers that lurk at night?"

Y/N's heart started thudding in her chest. Indeed, this was new to her; and before even meeting with him, she had been scared of roaming the city alone at night. "I don't," she muttered truthfully, looking up when Andy placed his hand on her thigh. "It's okay. You can stay, I just need to go over a few more things and then we can go home, hm?" Y/N grinned and nodded.

Andy lifted his hand off her thigh and went back to his desk. He began scribbling something on a paper, which Y/N realized was a form. After admiring him for a few minutes, she took out her phone and scrolled through her messages. She had already texted her mom about staying out late, and her mother had complained until Y/N told her she was out for business, not fun.

As time passed, Y/N's shoulders sagged. Her eyes drooped, heavy with sleep. "Andy," she whined in a sleepy stupor and his head shot up, "Are you done? I wanna go home!" His dark eyes softened instantly and he chuckled. She looked cute when she was sleepy. "Just a moment, darling, I'm almost finished." Y/N simply groaned and threw her head back against the couch.

"All done."

Y/N opened her eyes and saw Andy fixing his appearance, before shrugging on the coat. Then he turned to her, offering her his hand with a smile. She took it and heaved herself up, stumbling a little but Andy was there to hold her up. Effortlessly wrapping an arm around her waist, he guided her out of his office, switching off the lights and locking the door.

Both of them walked out of the building and Andy got Y/N seated in the passenger seat of his car. "I thought your car was at the auto repair shop?" Y/N remembered. She felt his chuckle next to her ear as he reached over and fastened her seatbelt and then his own. "Went to get it in the afternoon because I realized buses aren't for me." She giggled and leaned back against the seat.

"Why don't you try and fall asleep? I'll wake you up," he whispered, his heart swelling in his chest when she nodded meekly. "Goodnight, Mr Barber." He still corrected her, "Andy." Truth be told, Y/N didn't want to call him Andy because that would only make her feelings worse. If she called him Mr Barber… that was a constant reminder that he was a man much older, a successful lawyer, and just her neighbor.

Nothing else.

"Such a sweet doll." Ever since he heard her whining his name in his office, his mind had clouded over with lust. She sounded so fucking beautiful when she said his name. And suddenly, all he wanted to do was to claim her on his couch. He had controlled himself easily, he knew he had to wait till he had her consent. Which he thought he'd probably never get.

---

"Thank you so much, Andy!"

"Oh, it's not a problem at all, Mrs Y/L/N. Y/N is great company and I admit, the house does get a little lonely at times," Andy chuckled as Y/N's mother beamed at him. Y/N was looking down at her feet, clutching the handles of her travel bags. She was going to move in with Andy for a few weeks, since her room was getting renovated. There was no other place in the house.

When Andy heard that, he had instantly offered that she move in with him for the time-being. And Y/N's parents were, surprisingly, ecstatic at the idea. "She can move into the guest bedroom," he had spoken at the time. That's how she ended up here; now following Andy into his house as she yelled her goodbyes to her parents. "Welcome! It isn't much, I hope you like it still."

Y/N looked around in awe. The place was well-kept, the colour theme for almost everything was either beige or brown. It all looked very modern and cool. "Are you kidding? This is awesome!" He chuckled at her enthusiasm. "Let me show you to your room." Both of them walked up the stairs and stopped at the first door. Andy opened the door and another gasp left her lips.

"Wow," she whispered automatically and Andy smiled to himself. "I take it that you like it," he drawled, closing the door behind them as they walked into the room. Y/N kept her luggage on the bed and sat down, swinging her legs. "Thanks for all this, Mr Barber, it's appreciated." He scoffed. "Andy," he rectified, "And it was not a problem at all, Y/N, you're my friend."

A chill ran down her spine. His friend? He considered her to be a friend? "A friend, huh, I'm… I'm honored," she chuckled and he grinned. "I'll leave you be now, get comfortable." He waved at her and left the room, going downstairs to get a glass of water for himself. Y/N spent the rest of the day at her place, only returning at nighttime after dinner.

That's how it went for a week. She'd be at her job most days, would have dinner with her parents at night and then would finally walk into Andy's house to get some sleep. She liked the routine, and so did he. When she wasn't at her job, she'd spend the day in the living room of her own, or rather, her parents' house. Only, something changed a week later.

Andy was running late that day. As he drove home, at nearly 1:30 am, he was sure that he was going to be greeted by a quiet and empty house, Y/N already asleep in her room. She always fell asleep before 11:30, he didn't know how she did it. After parking his car in his garage, he walked into the sitting room only to see Y/N sitting in front of the television. She looked up and swtiched it off when he walked in.

"Mr Barber, hi." Her voice was hoarse. "Y/N? Darling, is everything okay?" he asked worriedly, sitting next to her. The dried tear stains on her cheeks made it clear that she had been crying. "I'm fine," she insisted, in vain. Andy gently cupped her cheeks, running his fingers over the stains. "You've been crying, honey, tell me what happened. I'll make it better," he whispered and Y/N melted against him.

"Um, can I… can I please… can I hug you?"

Without another word, Andy pulled her to him, her head resting on his chest as his arms wrapped around her middle. She snuggled into his side. "I just had a bad dream," she mumbled, burying her face in his chest. His arm rose and he delicately cradled her head, massaging her hair with his fingers. Y/N whimpered at the soothing sensation and Andy's heart raced.

"I'm here now, sweetheart, you have nothing to be worried about. I'll protect you, come what may," he uttered softly, almost in a daze. Something inside Y/N stirred deeply when he said those words. She pulled away slightly and he looked down at her, a questioning look on his face. Y/N blushed under his intense stare. "I, um… can I… kiss you?" Her question made Andy's heart beat faster.

Consent? Check.

Gently grabbing her jaw, he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, pulling her into his lap. Y/N kissed back just as fervently, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Do you know how long I've wanted to do that?" Andy asked huskily upon pulling away. "How long?" Y/N squeaked. "Ever since I first saw you. You won my heart right there, Y/N, right at that dinner. The moment I saw you, I knew that you had ruined all women for me."

"Same. I mean, I— not women, obviously, I'm not attracted to other women— men, but—" Andy chuckled and kissed her again, cutting off her rambling. "God, I need to feel you, love, why don't we go upstairs?" It turned out to be a rhetorical question as he immediately stood up, easily carrying Y/N up the stairs. Y/N wrapped her legs around his torso.

He placed her down on his bed, in his bedroom and settled between her legs, hungrily kissing down her body. He used his tongue to stimulate her first, pulling orgasm after orgasm after her. She had never had these many orgasms in one night and that wasn't lost on Andy. "No one has ever made you feel this good, right, darling? Only I can do it this good." Y/N whined loudly when his tongue circled her bud.

"Bet those nasty boys your age have never made you feel this way. Worshipped. You're mine, Y/N, only mine. Say it." Y/N was too overwhelmed to respond, only a pathetic "yours" leaving her lips as she came again. For the… third? No, fourth time? She definitely lost count. "You're so fucking gorgeous," Andy moaned as he emerged from between her thighs, his jaw and chin covered in her juices.

He had eaten her out so well, like her a hungry man offered a meal after a long starvation. Like she was his last meal. Y/N blushed at the sight of him, covering her face with her hands. Andy easily shoved the hands aside, leaning in to kiss her. "All mine. Beautiful. Mine, only mine," he grunted possessively and Y/N gasped when she felt something poking her thigh. She looked down and saw him. He was giant.

"It's too big," she blurted out and Andy chuckled, giving her a soft kiss on the forehead. "You'll be okay." Grabbing the base of his shaft, he slowly pushed inside of her, giving her time to adjust to his size. Y/N winced at the burn on her hips but when he bottomed out inside her, all the pain was replaced by pleasure. "Fuck, so fucking tight," Andy helplessly groaned, leaning forward and resting his forehead against her shoulder.

"Please, please move." Andy complied, thrusting into her at a slow pace at first but when he was certain she was able to handle it, he sped up. Y/N moaned right into his ear as he nibbled on her neck, leaving behind dark, red marks. Now everyone will know she's taken. The moan fueled his libido and he sped up more, growling deep in his chest.

Y/N's eyes flew open at the animalistic sound and she gripped his shoulders, trying to steady herself as she moved like a rag doll against him and his powerful thrusts. "Scream my name, darling, tell everyone who's making you feel so good. Tell everyone you belong to me and me only. You're mine, all mine. I'm never letting you go," he snarled as he neared his release. "Andy," Y/N screamed shamelessly.

"That's it, doll. Months, for months I've tried to get you to say my name. Is that why you've been avoiding it? Can't help but imagine being under me and moaning my name every time you heard it?" he groaned brusquely and Y/N jerked, her orgasm hitting her unexpectedly. "Yes," she whimpered at his previous comment but Andy couldn't speak. Holy shit, she just squirted all over my bed.

His taut abdomen, his shaft, his thighs and his bed were all drenched. Y/N was lying on the bed, her eyes closed, convulsing as she reeled in from the first-time experience. "Shit, baby, do you see this? You just squirted all over me," Andy laughed breathlessly, leaning over to press his lips to hers. Y/N cocked an eye open as a blush spread across her cheeks.

"I what?! Oh my God, I'm so sorry—"

Andy entered her core with one swift motion, shutting her up. "That was fucking hot, doll, do it again," he urged and resumed his fast pace. Y/N cried out tiredly, her eyes landing on the clock in the corner of the room. It's been an hour?! How much energy does this man have? "Andy, I'm—" He was already close to his release and when she took his name, he was done. He pulled out of her and spilled his seed all over her chest and face, groaning loudly.

Then he spit on his fingers and brought them to her bud, furiously rubbing until she squirted again, right on his face. "Oh my God," Andy groaned, licking up and swallowing all her juices. "Andy, I'm tired…" She couldn't even lift a finger, that's how spent she was.

Andy was a sight. All wet, from top to bottom, covered in her juices, he looked like he had just stepped out of a swimming pool. "Okay, baby girl, get some sleep. I'll take care of you." And he did, he gently cleaned her up as she dozed off, and carried her to her room. He then hopped into the shower for a quick wash, dried himself up, put on some boxers and went to Y/N's room as well.

The bed in his room was… well, let's just say it was done for. He was going to be throwing the mattress out the next day, he knew that. When he walked into her room, his heart melted at the sight of her deep asleep, still naked, curled up on her side. He shut the door behind him and walked towards the bed, easily sliding in next to her. He pulled the covers on top of them and pulled Y/N into his arms, dropping a kiss to her shoulder.

"I love you, angel. So sweet, only mine."

---

A/N: This is the first time I've posted smut and a non-marvel fic 😳 I know it's probably not that good but thanks for reading anyway! Leave a like if you enjoyed!

[missymurphy1985]

Surprises

You and Cillian are on your babymoon, 4 weeks before your first baby's due date. You think you've got lots of time.. your baby has other ideas...

Warnings - childbirth, swearing

*******************************************************

Cillian lifted your suitcase out of the car and carried it into your holiday home in Kerry, you were on strict orders not to lift a finger. 36 weeks pregnant with your first child together, you sighed, trying to remind him you were pregnant, not disabled, but he wasn't having any of it.

"Can I get out of the car now please, your baby is using my bladder as a trampoline!" Cillian laughed and opened the car door for you, taking your hand to lead you out carefully.

"Watch your step, there's rocks all over the path y/n..."

"Cill for the love of God, how many times have we been here? I'm fine, now let me go pee before I do it all over this rocky path, yeah?" You loved how caring and attentive he was being, but it was becoming really overbearing after 8 months.

"I'm just worried about you..."

"Baby I'm fine, the baby is fine, and my legs work just fine, thank you.." you kissed him lightly and walked to the toilet on the ground floor. Okay, it was more of a waddle, but close enough. He had good reason to worry. His ex wife had suffered terribly during both her pregnancies, and he was watching you like a hawk, terrified you'd be the same. You hadn't though, you were strong as an ox and took every day in your stride, enjoying every second knowing it was likely to be your only pregnancy now Cillian was 45 and you were 34. This one certainly wasn't planned, but was very much looked forward to.

Once Cillian had unpacked, and you'd eaten dinner, you were lazing on the sofa watching TV. Your legs hanging over his lap, him gently rubbing his fingers over your swollen ankles.

"Have you decided on names yet?" You questioned.

"I can't choose, I thought you were deciding?"

"Okay, how about we each write a list of our favourites, and we'll go through them one by one?" You went to grab a pen before Cillian glared at you and went to get it himself. You chuckled, how dare you move so heavily pregnant!!

Once you'd written your lists, you sat next to each other of the sofa and began to read from them in turn.

"Sofia."

"Nansy."

"Jacob."

"Daniel."

Each one getting a grimace from the other.

"This is hopeless," you threw the pen down in a huff. "We've been doing this for months, how is it so difficult to choose a bloody name??"

"Baby neither of my boys had names til they were born - we chose days later for them. They just came to us. There's no rush here I promise." You smiled thinking of Aran and Malachy, how excited they were for the new baby you were yet to name. You decided not to find out the gender, you wanted the surprise.

"I'm beat, I think I'm heading to bed. Are you joining me?" You lifted yourself off the sofa, with Cillians help.

"No I'm gonna finish this film, it looks good!"

"Cillian, it's Batman. You're in it. Of course it looks good!" He laughed as you waddled your way to the bedroom, telling you he'd be there soon.

On the way up the stairs, you suddenly felt a pain in your lower abdomen. Thinking it was another Braxton Hicks, you paused on the stairs waiting for it to pass.

"Y/n what's wrong?" Cillian was at the bottom of the stairs. He'd heard the stairs creaking, then stop suddenly so came to check on you.

"Just a Braxton Hicks contraction babe, they started in the car on the way over here. Perfectly normal, totally irregular, all is fine, don't worry."

"Why didn't you tell me it was happening??" He started to come up the stairs to you, worry all over his face.

"Because they're nothing to worry about - just a normal part of my body preparing for the real thing, stop panic- ahhhh...." You felt another. Sharper now, all over your belly.

"This ain't normal y/n, come back downstairs. Let's just keep an eye on these for a while, yeah?" He took your hand and led you back to the living room slowly, watching your every move. You rolled your eyes and followed him, knowing arguing was pointless. These were just Braxton Hicks. Weren't they?

Sitting you back on the sofa, Cillian grabbed his phone from his jacket slung over the arm of the chair in the corner. Opening the pregnancy app on his phone he clicked on the Contraction Timer option.

"Now tell me when you feel it, and then when it stops, okay?" He'd barely got the last word out when another hit you, you froze in pain, gripping onto your belly, breathing until it passed.

"Baby? That one really hurt..."

"Okay, let's see about the next few okay? Just breathe. I knew this was a bad idea, coming out so late on..."

"I've still got 4 weeks, there's plenty of time!"

"Yeah I'm not so sure now babe.. let me know when it happens again."

"Fuck... Now... Oh my god...." You found yourself moving forwards, legs open and your hands grabbing the coffee table. "It's gone..." 15 minutes passed with Cillian holding your hand in one and running your back with the other, monitoring each contraction you felt.

"Y/n these are coming every 5 minutes, and lasting 2minutes each time.. I think we need to get to a hospital.."

"No.. these things take time, we don't need to rush. I don't want to get there and be sent home okay? I said in my birth plan I wanted to be home as long as possible..."

"Yeah, birth plans don't always go to plan y/n."

"Cillian don't, just let me be yeah?" Your eyes glistened with tears, fear surging through you. Cillian kissed the top of your head gently. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to snap.. I'm scared Cill! I'm really fucking scared!"

"I know, so am I and I'm not the one doing the work! It'll be okay, okay? I'm here, and we're going to meet our baby soon... Just breathe, yeah? In... Out... Look at me. In... Out..." He was breathing with you trying to calm you down. It was working until another contraction hit and you cried out with the pain. He held you close, rubbing your back.

"How far apart now?" You grimaced, feeling it pass.

"Still 5 minutes. Lasting 2. It's been like that for 30 minutes. What do you want to do babe?"

"Run me a bath?" Cillian sighed. He was desperate to get you to a hospital and be checked over but your glare told him to follow your lead. You knew your body better than him right now.

Cillian carefully lifted your body into the bath while he stroked your hair and whispered in your ear.

"I'm going to teach him how to play football.. he'll have his own little Liverpool kit before he's walking y/n..."

"Oh it's a boy is it? See I can see you learning how to plait hair and play tea parties on a Saturday afternoon!" You giggled.

"It's a boy, I'm telling you. I only make boys, y/n!" Another contraction, but the warm water eased the pain enough for you to focus more on your breathing. Cillian reached a hand in and held your belly, feeling it tighten and wishing nothing more than to take the pain away from you.

"Okay, make the call yeah? Just call our midwife and let her know what's happening." You nodded to Cillian, finally accepting that this indeed was happening. Your baby was on its way.

Cillian kissed your head and dialled the number for the hospital back in Dublin, it suddenly feeling so very far away right now. Ending the call, he turned back to you.

"She's calling the hospital here in Kerry to let them know to expect us - she said with the contractions the way they are there's no rush if you want to stay home a while. But she warned the second they're 3minutes apart and lasting longer, we need to go, okay?" You agreed, before another contraction hit with some urgency. The water not helping the pain of this one. With it, came a popping sensation and a gushing feeling between your legs.

"Cillian, I think my waters have broken!" You were panicking again until Cillian leaned his head against yours breathing with you again to calm you.

"Time to get out of the bath, come on." He lifted you out and wrapped a dressing gown over your shoulders but another contraction hit you before you left the room.

"Fuck.. Cillian, Jesus.... I can't walk..." your breathing becoming louder and more laboured.

"Baby I need you to walk, we've got to get to the car..."

"Okay... Okay... Get the bag.." Cillian led you to the bedroom where the ready made hospital bag lay waiting, he insisted you took it with you just in case. Wrapping the dressing gown over your bump, you grabbed his arms tight as another wave of pain gripped you. He could feel how hard your belly contracted and brought you into his arms, running his hands firmly down your spine as you cried into his chest.

"I don't think I'm going to make it... I can feel the baby moving down... Cillian..." He looked at your panicked face and paled. He recognised that look, he'd seen it twice before. This baby was coming now whether he liked it or not.

Leading you to the bed he lay you against the pillows gently.

"Fuck... Okay I'm calling an ambulance... Wait there y/n."

"The fuck you think I'm gonna go Cillian??! Disneyland?!" You gasped as another wave of pain took you. "Fuck don't leave me! Please!" Cillian had the phone to his ear talking to the ambulance service. Nodding to whoever he was talking to, he opened your legs and went to grab towels from the closet in the corner of the room. Y/n was panting now, screaming with the pain.

"Cillian I can't hold it!! I need to push! Baby please!" Cillian looked over and saw his baby's head starting to crown between y/n's legs. Feeling a sudden surge of adrenaline, he took charge.

"Okay, push.. come on that's it! Keep going you can do this baby.. push!" You beared down with all your strength, the burning feeling taking your breath away. You could hear the operator on the phone giving Cillian instructions.

"The baby's crowning y/n, don't push... Just pant with me through it.. okay??" He panted with you, one ear on the phone, one eye on his baby, one hand in yours as you squeezed the life out of it. You couldn't hold back a scream as your baby's head finally broke through. A moment's respite, before another contraction hit.

Cillian moved to between your legs quickly, the operator constantly giving instructions. He put the phone on loudspeaker.

"Okay... Y/n look at me. Push! Just a few more and he's here, come on baby..." You looked into his eyes, feeling the strength from them and bore down once again. Cillian was between your legs, listening to the operator as they guided him through delivering your baby. Two more hard pushes and the room was suddenly filled with the sound of your baby's loud cry. You flung your head backwards, completely breathless, as you burst into tears at the most beautiful sound you'd ever heard. Within moments, paramedics had arrived, bursting through the open front door downstairs.

Cillian was in shock, in his arms he held his daughter, the most beautiful, perfect little girl he'd ever laid eyes on. He took one of the towels and cleaned her off as best he could, and lifted her onto her mother's chest, tears rolling down his cheeks. Y/n looked down at her baby, still sobbing.

"A girl... Cillian it's a girl!"

"You did it.. you fucking did it y/n, I'm so proud of you... She's perfect..." He kissed your forehead as the paramedics found their way into the room to check you both over.

Giving mum and baby a clean bill of health, they allowed you to remain home with your baby. Even though she was 4 weeks early, everything was completely fine. Once you'd managed to clean off and relax back in bed in the guest room (Cillian promising to clean the main bedroom the next day), your daughter gently suckling at your breast hungrily, you finally took in just what had just happened.

"Can you believe it? Can you believe that just happened Cill?"

"I told you bringing the hospital bag was a good idea, didn't I?" He smirked at you.

"Ashlyn Rose Murphy." You didn't know what made that name come to you but it did.

"Perfect. I love it. And I love you. Both of you.. so, so much.. thank you for bringing me our girl... Thank you.." he kissed your head and took your daughter once she'd finished feeding, holding her close to his chest. "Now you sleep mama. Ashlyn and I are going to finish watching Batman Begins."

You chuckled and lay down in the bed, sleep coming very quickly following that evening's activities.

@queenshelby

[helliontherapscallion]

Catching Up (Adrenaline Junkie Part 9)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 2,156         

“Did you kidnap a child?”

“I can ex- wait what? Of course I didn’t! Why would you think that?”

“Well, for starters, you just came home with a random kid! What were-”

“Dad. I didn’t kidnap anybody, especially Arthur,” you said exasperated. “It started when I was leaving the village.”

And so, you told your dad about how you met Arthur. Needless to say, he was furious. “(Y/n) (m/n) Minecraft, you yelled at a child? Not just a child, but an orphan that was so clearly in need of help?! I raised you better than that.”

“Dad, I know that yelling at kids is wrong. Just-just let me finish.”

He gave you a wicked side eye and nodded at you to continue. “So then he told me that he was alone. That he had no family. I couldn’t just leave him out there Dad. He would’ve been alone in the city. Hell, he’s been alone for god knows how long already” you ran a stressed hand through your already messy hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you if he could crash here-”

“(Y/n).”

“-but he could’ve got hurt! The village’s dangerous at night-”

“(Y/n).”

“Do you know how many people get mugged there just in a day? God, I can’t imagine him getting hurt, he’s so young and-”

“(Y/n) (m/n) Minecraft.” Your hand froze in your hair. “...Yeah?”

“It was a good idea to bring him here. But there’s gotta be someone out there looking for him.”

“I really don’t think so Dad. You saw him when I brought him here, he looked like he didn’t get a proper bath in months! Even if he did have someone, I’d rather him be here instead of with the bastards that left him like that.”

He sighed. “You’re right. I remember when I found you when you were a baby. Your biological parents were awful, they ignored you. I found you on the porch, they must’ve left you there overnight. You were filthy and you were so small and fragile. I remember being so pissed that they treated you like that, but they never gave me their names.”

You squinted at him. “You’ve never told me that. You told me that you found me in an alleyway.”

“I didn’t want to tell you how I actually found you, it was never important for you to know.”

“What do you mean it’s not impor-” you stopped yourself. That’s not important right now. “We’re going to talk about this later. Right now, we need to talk about Arthur before he gets out of the shower.”

Glancing at the clock, you felt worry engulf your being. “Speaking of, he’s been in there a while, do you think he’s okay?” You felt your heart drop. “What if he slipped!” You stood up in a panic. Philza pulled you back onto the bed giving you a knowing look.

“He’s okay hun. Remember, he’s probably just enjoying the shower.”

You bounced your leg. “You’re right, you’re right… What’s with that look?”

“What look?”

“That look.”

“I just think-”

You heard a knock on your door and a small voice calling your name. Immediately jumping up and forgetting about the conversation, you opened your door. 

“Hey buddy, have a good shower?”

He yawned, rubbing at his eye with a closed fist. The pajamas he wore were slightly too big, but he would grow into them. His auburn hair that he came in the house with was now a brilliant copper color and you could now make out freckles dotting his pale cheeks.

“Mhm.”

You softly smiled at him and grabbed his hand leading him to Wilbur’s old room since it had the comfiest bed. You helped the small-statured boy into the large bed and he flopped down without pulling the covers over himself. You huffed in amusement, pulling the soft blankets out from under him and tucking him in.

You spoke in a calm voice, not wanting to disrupt the peace that engulfed the room. You gently brushed the hair out of his face. “Sleep well, Artie.”

As you stood up and turned to walk away, he grabbed the back of your shirt. Glancing back, you saw that he had his eyes groggily half-open and he stared at you blearily. “Stay?”

Oh, you couldn’t say no to that. Feeling your heart melt, you whispered “of course buddy.” You pulled up an old chair and sat next to the bedside holding his small hand in your larger one. He was out like a light. 

He was so small for his age. It was probably because of the malnutrition from being homeless, and that broke your heart. Your poor, poor baby.

…Wait.

Wait.

Your poor baby? What the fuck were you thinking? This child doesn’t even know you, you only met him earlier in the day. And yet, you already felt affectionate towards him. You wanted to protect him from danger. Why were you feeling like this?

You heard the door creak open and a small sliver of light streamed into the room. Philza poked his head through the small crack in the door. He smiled at you when he saw you sitting next to Arthur holding his hand as he slept. Reaching in an arm, he gestured for you to follow him before slipping out and closing the door.

Reluctantly, you slowly let go of the boy’s slender hand and quietly opened the nightstand drawer. You pulled out a pen and paper and wrote a quick note for him in the morning in your messy handwriting.

“Arthur, when you wake up, Philza and I’ll be downstairs making breakfast. Hope you like bacon and eggs : )

-(Y/n)”

You placed the paper on the nightstand where you hoped that Arthur would see when he woke up and quietly left the room. Philza leaning against the wall greeted you. He was smiling softly at you. He once again gestured for you to follow him downstairs.

Philza felt ecstatic that you were going to give him another grandson. Even if you would inevitably deny being a parental figure to Arthur, he knew that you were going to accept it sooner or later. He raised you, so he should know when you deeply care for someone. Arthur and you both shared a love for innovation and creativity, so he knew that you two would bond over that. He felt like soaring high in the sky. He was so happy that there’s going to be another addition to the family soon. 

He sat you down onto the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. A few moments later, he came back with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate. Your favorite.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime hun.”

You both sat in a comfortable silence on the couch and stared into the crackling flame in the fireplace. The fire swirled with various reds, oranges, and yellows illuminating the living room. You closed your eyes for a brief moment, savoring the flavor of the chocolate and the smell of smoke with the fire popping in the background. You felt relaxed.

“So, how’s Tommy and Wilbur? Are they adjusting well to L’manberg?”

“Oh, they’re thriving. Wilbur’s a natural leader so he’s in his element and Tommy’s always exploring with Tubbo. They get into trouble sometimes, but they always come back in one piece, so I’m not worried about them. They’re having fun.”

“And you?”

“I set up my new workshop next to the capitol building. I think I’m gonna start selling some of the stuff I make, I think it’d make a decent profit.”

“I think that’s a great idea. Ya know that the people in the village are crazy about you, right?”

You groaned, dragging your hand down your face tiredly. “How could I not? I hate it.”

“Why would you hate it? They really admire your work, you should appreciate that.”

“Dad, I do appreciate that they admire my work, but do you remember how they treated me when I first went there after I lost my wing? They treated me like a fucking outcast. And now they’re acting like they actually know me and that they were always friends with me. I know everybody deserves a second chance, but I can’t help but feel like they’re on thin ice.” 

“People change hun. Maybe they realize that how they treated you was wrong and they want to make amends?”

“That’s the thing. They’re only treating me like this only because of my inventions. I can only tolerate it for so long. I don’t even know why they’re treating me like this, I’m not special. I’m just another person.”

“...You aren’t gonna let a few two-faced people ruin your vacation, right?”

“No.”

His cheeks slowly stretched into a smile. “Why? Who are you?”

“I’m (y/n)?”

“I said who. Are. You?”

You spoke up a little more confidently, but kept your voice down. “I’m (y/n) (m/n) Minecraft.”

He quietly laughed. “Damn right you are. You’re ‘(Y/n) Minecraft, Conqueror of the Unknown’. You’re (y/n) goddamn Minecraft and don’t you forget it.”

You chuckled. “You read that book? ‘(Y/n) Minecraft, Conqueror of the Unknown’ was a bit too dramatic for my taste.”

“Why wouldn’t I read something all about my precious little inventor?” He drug out with an overly sweet tone.

“Dad, I’m 20 years old. I’m not little anymore.”

He slung an arm across your shoulders and pulled you into his side. “I know, I know, but you’ll always be my child.”

You sighed and leaned into him. You haven’t spent any time with him since you left the house to help Wilbur and Tommy fight for independence, so this felt nice. “I missed you Dad.”

“Not a day goes by where I don’t miss you or your brothers. It’s way too quiet around here without you four.”

“Do you remember when Tommy put green dye in the shampoo to try and prank me?”

An almost silent laugh reverberated throughout his chest, sounding slightly muffled. “Of course I do. It took at least a few weeks to get it off my skin and a full month after that to get it out of my hair.”

“You should’ve seen his face when I walked into the kitchen in the morning,” you deepen your voice. “‘If you’re not in the shower, then who is?’ Aaaannd then you walked into the kitchen looking like you lost a fight with a witch.” You snorted. “You didn’t know why everyone was staring at you.”

He huffed. “You guys didn’t even tell me until after breakfast.”

“Have you seen yourself in the mornings? You’re literally so grumpy. We didn’t have a death wish.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad in the morning, Mx. I-can’t-function-without-eight-hours-of-sleep.”

“At least I’m fully awake in the morning.”

“Oh, wow, what a zinger,” he said in a monotone voice.

You reached up to playfully slap his arm. “Shuddup.”

You both quietly laughed before the room fell back into a comfortable silence. You took a deep breath. “Arthur knows about The Warden. What it did to me”

You felt him tense up and heard his heart start to beat a little faster. He moved his arm away and leaned back to look you in the eyes.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. He said that he knew what happened and he needed my help. He… he said that The Warden took someone important to him.”

“Was it his paren-”

“I don’t know. I’m going to talk to him about it tomorrow.”

“Do you want me to talk to him with you?”

“I don’t know if Arthur’s comfortable with that yet. I’m not even sure if he trusts me enough to tell me.”

You grabbed your’s and Philza’s empty mugs and took them to the kitchen. You ran your hands down your face. You felt very drained after everything that happened today. You weren’t used to so much human interaction, let alone people staring at you like you were some kind of deity when you weren’t. You leaned against the sink and closed your eyes. 

“(Y/n), I’m turning in for the night. Is there anything you need before I go to bed?”

“No, thank you Dad.”

“Alright, goodnight. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

You heard his retreating footsteps gradually fade out and the room was thick with silence yet again. The darkness in the room was cut by the moonlight streaming in through the window. Your mind was racing as you remembered that you were going to have to talk to Arthur about The Warden soon. 

You hadn’t talked about The Warden for years and now you were being forced into it. You didn’t think you were ready. You wanted to move on with your life, but The Warden was inevitable. It was everywhere around you. It won’t ever leave you alone, will it?

You didn’t think you were going to get much sleep tonight.

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[daddyjackfrost]

Akaashi Keiji;

Prompt 6: “There’s nothing you could say to me that would ever make me stop.”

i’m so in love with this man.

warnings: angst? hurt/comfort? fluff kinda? insecure Akaashi, mention of not being good enough, tears, a sweet kiss, akaashi hating himself:(

a/n: this was kinda rushed and it’s 2:57 am rn and i just thought about this and i had to write it. which is ironic because there are like 8 half finished writing pieces staring at me rn but wtvr

!!!! A/ex/g ➡️ Akaashi’s ex-girlfriend

Akaashi Keiji stared at himself in the window of a floral shop. 

His blue eyes raked over his simple attire, messy black hair, and the briefcase he clutched in his right hand. 

Akaashi had planned to stop at this floral shop today to plan and get an order on your favourite flowers for your one year anniversary in two days.

Akaashi couldn’t believe it had almost been a whole year. He couldn’t believe that someone like you stayed with him for a whole year. 

Akaashi reached for the door handle, and then paused. What if he got you the wrong flowers? What if they didn’t come on time? What if you hated them? 

With pursed lips, Akaashi took a step back, and then turned around and began walking back to his car. Akaashi had been a mess all day. He woke up five minutes after his alarm went off, causing you to wake up, and Akaashi had felt so guilty. Then, at work, he had managed to lose a manga panel, which he found after ten minutes, but those ten minutes had been the most terrifying ten minutes of his life. 

Akaashi sat in his car and gripped the steering wheel. His eyes fell on his hands and he frowned. Long and pale fingers stared back at him, and he quickly released the wheel. 

Akaashi sighed and then did something out of character.

Akaashi slammed the steering wheel and let out a quiet string of curses. 

As of right now, Akaashi hated himself. Akaashi had a bad habit of being caught up in his own head and indulging in his negative thoughts, but he had been really good at keeping himself level headed. 

Akaashi knew why he had done a good job. 

You. 

Biting the inside of his cheek, Akaashi started his car and began to drive, making sure to keep his eyes on the road and not his hands. His stomach churned and Akaashi had no idea why he couldn’t just stay out of his head. Why did he have to fall into this negative and self-loathing mindset so close to your anniversary?

Unknowing to Akaashi, his subconscious knew why. The only reason Akaashi was on a self destructive rampage was because of your one year anniversary. Akaashi didn’t think he was capable—deserving—of the love you had for him, and it was eating him up. 

Ever since he was a young boy, Akaashi had known that life was not on anyone’s side. Akaashi would have a few great weeks, and then he would have a terrible week. It had become a routine, a sixth sense. Akaashi had been waiting for the terrible week for a while, not believing that he was allowed to have just a good month. 

The writer believed in happy endings, just not his own. Past relationships had made it very clear that Akaashi could not be loved. His last and longest relationship had shown him that he would never be enough, and it was eating him. 

Akaashi hadn’t even realized he was home until he stopped the car and looked up. Slowly, Akaashi turned off the car and opened the car door. 

He was anxious. 

He knew you waited inside, and although a bigger part of Akaashi wanted to see you and lay in your arms, the insecure version of Akaashi, the one he kept hidden, wanted to be alone. Akaashi had always been a calm and collected person, until he wasn’t, and Akaashi hated it when others saw him at his weakest. 

You knew of Akaashi’s insecurities. His anxiety attacks. And even though you have told him countless times that it was nothing to be ashamed of, Akaashi wasn’t willing to believe you. 

Akaashi wiped the sweat off his hands, and forced a small smile upon his face. He knew you would immediately see through his facade, but he did it anyways. 

Akaashi opened the door to his house and was immediately greeted with soft music playing. He took a few small steps in and heard a familiar tune of BTS’s The Truth Untold. Akaashi quietly untied his tie and slipped off his shoes, his eyes on your back as you quietly swayed, staring at two picture frames in your hands. 

You hadn’t noticed Akaashi yet, and he was thankful. Akaashi’s eyes glazed over some of the boxes that belonged to you, and his heart started beating faster. 

Akaashi had asked you to move in with him two weeks ago, so why was he nervous? Why was his heart beating faster at the thought of you in his space?

Akaashi finally cleared his throat and you quickly turned around, releasing a small breath of surprise. 

You quickly put down the two frames and smiled at Akaashi. “Keiji! How long have you been standing there?”

Akaashi swallowed the lump in his throat, and licked his cracked lips. 

Your eyes zeroed in on Akaashi’s slightly pale face, his disheveled tie, and the slight shake of his fingers. 

You immediately took small steps towards Akaashi, frowning when you noticed how shaken he looked. 

Akaashi just stared at you with wide eyes. You were really here. You were really with him. You were moving in with him. All of the evidence was right there, so why was Akaashi having such a hard time believing it? 

You slowly brought your hand up to rest on Akaashi’s arm but he flinched, and you dropped your hand. 

With furrowed eyebrows and eyes filled with concern, you took a small step back, wanting to give Akaashi his space. 

“Keiji? What’s wrong?” 

I don’t know, Akaashi wanted to tell you. Sometimes I look at you and my heart begins to beat faster. I don’t why you’re with me, he wants to yell, when you can do so much better. 

Instead, Akaashi says, “Why are you here, y/n?”

Your heart drops into your stomach but you don’t move. You don’t show your hurt, because you know Akaashi didn’t mean it like that. You knew the signs. Akaashi looked pained, like he had been walking through a storm, except the storm was in his head. 

“What do you mean, Keiji?”

Akaashi dropped his briefcase and ran his hands through his hair. You bent down and picked up the briefcase, and gently put it down on the table. 

You walked to the kitchen and filled up a cup with water, and then walked to the sofa. You looked up and met Akaashi’s clouded eyes. 

“Sit down, Keiji.” You sat down on the couch, motioning for Akaashi to do so as well. “Talk to me.”

Akaashi had no control over his movements, not when you spoke to him with a soft voice and gentle eyes. 

Akaashi walked to the sofa, sitting down on the edge. He wasn’t used to talking about his feelings. Before you, he never even tried, but ever since you walked into his life six years ago, it had been a bit easier for him to talk and try and explain his feelings. 

Akaashi sighed and rubbed his hands together. Your eyes were on his hands. Akaashi unconsciously dragged his fingernails across his hands, leaving red marks. 

You reached out and grabbed both of his hands in yours. You didn’t look up at him, your sole focus on his hands. You gently rubbed your thumb over the scratches, trying to soothe them. 

Akaashi stared at your actions with watering eyes. 

You both were quiet, your music had filled the silence. You would never force Akaashi to talk, and he knew that, but you also wanted to push Akaashi into talking. Akaashi was intelligent, and he usually found the solutions to his concerns as he talked. All you did was make sure he was on the right path. 

“I’m scared,” Akaashi finally mumbled after some time. You didn’t stop holding his hands, you slowly drew circles on the backside of his hands, knowing that it brought him comfort. 

“Scared of what, Keiji?”

“You.” 

You looked up, and Akaashi looked down to meet your eyes. Your eyes met his and you were quite sure everything around you stopped. His dark eyes reminded you of the bottom of the ocean. They were dark, hiding secrets you would only know if you swam all the way down. Fortunately for you, you weren’t scared of drowning, and as you looked into those heavenly deep eyes, you could see yourself sinking to the bottom of the ocean. 

Akaashi’s eyes held so many emotions, so many unsaid words he wished to convey. 

“I’m scared of the way you make me feel. I see you and I stop breathing.” Akaashi stared into your eyes. His lips lightly quivered and you knew that the words coming out of Akaashi’s mouth would be the most important words you would ever hear. “When A/ex/g left me, I never thought I would love again. I was so sure that I would never open my heart again, and then you stood by me every single day and you always smiled at me and you--you never let me feel alone, y/n.” 

You let out a small breath. Akaashi had never been this vocal about his feelings for you, and your eyes began to water. You weren’t quite sure where Akaashi was going with his words, but you were just glad that you were here to hear them. 

“It hurts. I just want you to have the best and I’m not the best y/n.” Akaashi’s watering blue eyes locked on yours and you felt your heart break as you heard Akaashi’s next words.

“I’m not the best for you, y/n. You deserve better but I’m greedy and I don’t want you to leave me but I can’t give you much. I’m a mess and I’m anxious and I can’t really breathe and I want to love you the way you deserve but I don’t think I can.”

You watched as a tear rolled down Akaashi’s beautifully pale skin. Akaashi’s words rang in your head, but you wanted to laugh. You wanted to laugh and you wanted to cry and you wanted to hold and kiss Akaashi, but all of that had to wait.

As smoothly as you could, you slipped off the sofa and sat on your knees in front of Akaashi. You held his hands in yours and you looked up at him. 

You pulled your hand away from Akaashi’s to wipe the tears that spilled from his eyes. The ocean was bleeding and you hated it. You licked your lips and took a deep breath, hoping the tears that had gathered in your eyes wouldn’t fall. 

“Keiji,” you whispered. “Look at me.”

Akaashi lifted his head and almost choked when he saw the love and adoration swirl in your eyes. Akaashi was afraid to look at you because he didn’t want to see satisfaction in your eyes. He didn’t want to see everything he was afraid of. 

“I don’t deserve better, Keiji, you are the best. I’m greedy too, and I’m not going to leave you, ever. I love you, Keiji. I love you with everything I am and everything I hope to be. After all this time, I still love you.” You squeezed Akaashi’s hands. “Keiji, It’s always been you. I’ve only ever wanted you, I love you with your anxiousness and I love you with all your messes. I love you today, and I’ll love you tomorrow, and I’ll love you forever. There’s nothing you could ever say to me that would make me stop.”

Tears fell freely down Akaashi’s face. He had never been told that he was loved this much. If you hadn’t been staring into his eyes the whole time and clutching his hands like you would collapse if you didn’t hold them, Akaashi would have never believed you. Your words were burned onto his heart, but Akaashi still felt like he didn’t deserve them.

“What if I said,” Akaashi paused. “What if I said I hated you? Would you love me then?”

“Do you, Keiji?” You smiled at him. “Hate me, I mean.”

Akaashi stared at you with vulnerable eyes. “No,” Akaashi let out a small disbelieving laugh. “I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you, y/n. Not when you hold my heart.”

You brought Akaashi’s hands to your lips and laid a soft kiss on his fingers. “You hold my heart too, Keiji. You’ve held my heart since the first day we met.” You pressed your lips against his hands again and then looked up, your eyes meeting his. “You are enough for me, Keiji. You’re more than enough for me.”

Akaashi bit his lips to stop the sob that he knew was coming. Akaashi wasn’t surprised you knew the insecurities that plagued him. Akaashi didn’t know how to react to your words because the way you looked up at him, with your eyes shining, made him want to believe your words. You looked at Akaashi like he had hung all the stars in the sky and Akaashi wanted to cry. 

“Keiji, it’s okay to doubt yourself. It’s okay to be insecure, but Keiji,” you squeezed Akaashi’s hands and pushed yourself up so you were now on your knees and almost at eye level with him. “Don’t ever doubt me. Because no matter how much I say I love you, I always love you more than that.”

You captured Akaashi’s sob with your lips, having pressed your lips gently against his as he cried.

You tried pulling away, but Akaashi’s hands cupped your face and kept you in place. The kiss was soft, just two lover’s lips pressed together, but it was what Akaashi needed. 

When Akaashi pulled away, you grabbed the glass of water and handed it to Akaashi. 

The writer let out a dry laugh but you didn’t miss the small smile and the way his eyes shined. 

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